#many things i need and want to draw and yet im so sleepy tired

[krynutsreal]

thinking about ishimondo can you guys give me hcs about them like literally anything even like . mundane hcs for them idk I'm thinking about them please ...pl

[undertaker1827]

AHAHAHAH IM SORRY #2 and #22 with Undertaker please thank you!

No worries!!

2] “Don’t go.”

22] “I missed you.”

-

It had been over a week by now since the last time you had seen Undertaker. Work had you doing overtime each night and you were filling in for a colleague, meaning your most recent weekend was sacrificed as well. It was a nightmare. This afternoon, by some miracle, the colleague who had been ill had reappeared, claiming that you had taken on too much work by covering for them, so they had come back in a day early. Although slightly baffled, you were certainly not one to look a gift horse in the mouth and wasted no time in clocking off.

Your first stop was your house, to drop off the things you needed for work and to change into more comfortable clothing. Your next stop was a certain funeral parlour. It didn’t take you long to get there and you hadn’t bothered to tell Undertaker you were coming; he likely already knew anyway and the chances of him being out were slim to none. You let yourself in to the dimly lit shop with the key he had given you a while back, rather than knocking and waiting for him to let you in. You locked the door behind you, having at least made sure that you weren’t going to arrive during open hours.

A quick sweep of the front room confirmed that he was nowhere to be seen, at which point you began walking further in towards the door on the back wall. If he wasn’t in the front room, he was bound to be in the kitchen. This was at least your aim, until a pair of strong arms wrapped around you from behind. The familiar scent spread around you as the welcome weight of his chin rested on top of your head and his hair settled around your shoulders. The mortician squeezed you to him tightly and you melted against his chest with no resistance.

“Missed you,” he murmured, placing a gentle kiss onto the top of your head. You smiled, arms locking around his and squeezing back.

“I missed you, too,” you replied quietly, turning around in his hold to hug him properly, resting your cheek against his chest. You embraced for a long time, each simply standing there and enjoying the other’s presence, the warm light of the room softening lines and blurring colours. You really had missed him.

“Thought you were still covering for a coworker..?” He started at length, tone vaguely curious but not prying.

“Yeah, I was,” you started, going on to explain what had happened the last week or so, right up until said worker’s seemingly magical recovery. Undertaker laughed, pointing out that your first instinct on having a modicum of free time was to go to him. He wasn’t wrong. The mortician’s presence provided you with an incredible sense of safety, which you had never felt with anyone else before. You just wanted to cherish the protection he offered, to enjoy knowing that no matter what happened to you, you would always be safe with him.

-

You had ended up staying at the funeral parlour for much longer than you had intended. One cup of his suspicious yet surprisingly nice-tasting tea had turned into many and the hours had managed to slip by without your notice. At this point, it was the middle of the night and you were starting to get sleepy. As much as you didn’t want to leave and start the journey home in the cold and dark, you didn’t really have any other choice. Tomorrow was Saturday, but still ...

You reiterated this much to Undertaker, who gave you a small, decidedly disappointed smile and took the empty conical flask you had been drinking out of over to the sink. Once he turned to face you again, he leaned back against the counter on his elbows, eyes partly visible (as ever, at your request) and trained on you absolutely. He was clearly about as thrilled by the prospect of you starting off home as you were, and had already offered to walk you twice.

“Stop doing that.” Your words came out soft, yet meaningful.

“Hmm?” Was your only reply. The reaper was still leaning on the counter, observing you in such a way that you could practically hear him weighing up all the thoughts in your head and deciding upon which one you would act.

“I mean it, you know. One wrong word and you’ll never get rid of me.” The mortician raised a silver grey brow.

“Was that supposed to dissuade me?” You paused.

“It would be impractical for us both,” you reasoned, “what with work-work and house work, and a whole heap of other responsibilities. Plus I’m pretty sure there’s something I’m meant to be doing tomorrow-“

“Don’t go.” His sudden, honest admission took you slightly off guard. Whilst you had been messing about, there was some element of truth in what you said. Not that that mattered now. One word from him was all you needed.

“Okay.”

He walked back over to the sofa where you were still curled up, gathered you up into his arms then laid down, drawing you with him. You slowly reached up a hand to push his bangs back from his eyes fully, giving him time to stop you. When he didn’t, you were soon in very close proximity with those intense, phosphorescent green orbs. You stared for a moment, tired mind suddenly enthralled.

The reaper smirked. He knew full well the effect he had on you and had he of had any doubt, it was now written clearly over your face. The mortician leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, followed by one to your cheek and then your lips. You both lingered there a moment, relaxed and happy in the quiet.

You laid down on Undertaker’s chest then, with a final smile and a whispered goodnight, before heading off to the land of dreams. Of the two of you, it was only Undertaker who knew you were still smiling.

[shanaraki]

OCTOBER 2TH, 2021.

DAY ONE.

—— I've decided I'm starting a journal. ——

I have never been that good in keeping track or stuff. I get bored, I abandon what I start so easily. It is hard for me to push myself into doing something I don't have the motivation for.

However, I've decided I'm starting a journal. This journal. I feel better writing it online than in paper. When I'm forced into writing it in slow motion with my own hands, I get desperate sooner or later. My mind rushes and the words speed up while my hand is still struggling with the first lines.

I do have a lot to say. About so many things. There are things I'll never write or speak about. The belong in the silence between God and me, the empty spaces where the human mind can't go, that secret and non existence place.

I'm better now.

This imply that I was bad, of course. It's a cycle. I know the bad things won't stop coming, but I like to think that's no reason to stop working on myself. More than a circle this is... A spiral. I'm trying to make this spiral going up. It's hard. Humans can so easily die. It's so simple, so effortless to give up on myself and let the pull of the Earth take me underground. And yet...

I'm better. Not physically. I haven't been sleeping enough or drinking enough water or eating like I should. It's not my body that it's better, it's my mind. I don't disassociate as much these days. I feel present. I feel like I'm my body and not just in my body. I have more energy. I want to do things like clean my hair often and take care of my skin. I want to do exercise, to eat healthier. I feel calm, in my mind, in my thoughts. I need to keep meditating and doing my breathing exercises. They do help a lot.

There are many things I need to work in. My physical health is one of them, but also I need to practice using my phone less. I need to find other things to calm me. I have my paintings, I could practice with them. Or maybe drawing. And of course, there is my thesis.

I've been avoiding my college duties. Again.

I fear the stress or the semester. There's something that's very frustrating to me, and it is feeling like I'm failing at some task while everyone is already many tasks in front of me. Like,,,, hmm,,,, it's like trying on your shoelaces while you're on a marathon. You need to stop and tie them, but if you do you're gonna lose time and they're going to get even farther away, and you're so stressed over it that you're losing concentration, and the shoelaces, and the competitors, and your stress, and— there it goes. It gets worst and worst until you kinda resignate and think "I just need to finish this marathon, just it. I don't want to compete anymore".

There's also the fear of what I'm going to do after I graduate. Work is the obvious answer, right? I should. I want to work. But there's this idea,,,,, listen, sometimes I don't understand people. I'm smart, but not when it comes to normal things or daily skills. The other day I put a candy on the microwave for a minute and I almost burned the microwave.

I don't know how to do any house choirs. Why? Well, because my family tells me I should do them, but the minute I try and do them, they appear and tell me to go away because I'm doing everything wrong.

How am I supposed to learn if I can't practice? But there's still some sort of trauma reaction in me. I fear doing something that can't be fixed while practicing. That's the reason why I fear driving, because I'm terrified of damaging the car (mostly because I don't want to cost extra money to anyone, and I don't have money to buy and less alone fix a car).

So I should work. To gain some money. But let's not talk more about that because I got nervous just by thinking of it.

Aaand I lost track of what I was saying. I'm sleepy. I was supposed to write how today I was better. I downloaded some cool apps, I want to learn how to play the kalimba, I felt pretty today, comfortable, safe. I shouldn't be writing my problems on an online diary but oh well.

This is exactly how my mind works. Now it is bored of writing this and wants to close the tab. I wants to change the song. Meditate. I get bored of things so fast this days. I'm not able to end a whole task if I don't pressure myself for HOURS. I'm better but there's still a long way to go.

I wish I could go to a psychiatrist and finally see if I have anxiety or adhd or if im just overreacting. When I told my psychologist I thought I had anxiety, she told me she would not give me any labels to use, only treat me. I suppose that is good, but a part of my does wish I could know the labels. I don't like when I don't know what is happening. I don't like when I don't have control over the stuff that surrounds me. I don't like being vulnerable or deadly curious.

I haven't been praying that much later, either. I miss my regular contact with God. It makes me feel very lonely and afraid, and very guilty and ashamed. I know many people hate Christians and for a good reason, because many have hurt the whole world with those ideals. And I know for many the way I feel would be silly. I just........ I can't stop believing in him, feeling this way. I want to help others, not by hurting them, but by just standing in silence in the distant with my silly words and silly presence, so if they ever feel lost, they can always find me and sit, talk with me. I love them all. I love humanity so much. It makes me sad. I see the killers and the politians, I see the worst human beings and I think, "I wish you some clarity, I wish you some joy, I wish you to be so full of good things that there's no more evil feelings, just the ability to feel guilty and change, to become a better person".

I'm tired of seeing people dying. Suffering. My grandpa E (the biological father of my mom) is dying. His lungs are collapsing, slowly but surely. We lost my grandma some two or three years ago. I don't think of her as much as before, but I feel it, her absence. I miss her voice and her hugs. I miss the people we were when she was alive. I miss my grandpa H (the step-father of my mom) happiness, I miss the time where my mom's face was not so gloomy and sad.

I'm tired of hatred and anger. I see it everywhere and many who feel it are just sad and hurt. Like wounded animals, they lash out when they are in pain. And I wish I could cure them. Yes, I guess I have a Saint complex or whatever. I feel bad for speaking about how I wish I could save the world, love every human enough for them to feel better. I feel bad for not being capable of doing more.

And the worst part is that I feel like I'm capable of doing more, but I don't do it because I'm afraid. If I wasn't so shy or anxious, if I wasn't so selfish, I could be out there traveling and saving lives. I look at my ceiling in the dark and think if I'm gonna die paralyzed by fear. Or if I'm going to die fearing dying that way, and asking to much of my body and soul and mind, enough to destroy myself.

I don't want to sound self-centered, damn. I am anxious again. You see, I'm better, but it is hard. It feels like my limbs need to move because it is a physical discomfort. It feels like I need to do something, to shake that feeling.

This is a lot for a first day entry. No one is going to read this, just me. And if there's someone reading it, then... Know you're walking over my heart. Every word is war, every emotion written in the moment. I'm laying in a couch with red led lights in a white room. There are some dark brown furnitures, the room is tiny. There's a giant TV on the floor, there are plants on shelf next to the ceiling. The plants are tiny and fake. There's a big window, closed with curtains. There's another high tiny window, and a mini desk that goes into the wall in a sort of hollowed square that there's in the room. There are two posters on glass frames, they are big, they are by the wall.

It's almost 2AM. I hear some cars passing by. It's neither cold nor hot. There's a constant sound, like the one electric devices make. It's kind loud. I don't know if it's the nature or the electric devices. I'm on an apartment. The town I'm in is in the mountains, but a few minutes from a big city.

I'm calmer now. It's feel a little lonely in this room because I'm on my own. My family is on the apartment, but there's no sound to be heard of them. At least the acoustic in this neighborhood let's you hear even when the person some building away is coughing. Yeah, crazy.

I think I'm going to be now. I'm tired. I want to be more online, write on my other blogs, do some rp, work on my thesis, clean my room, read books, watch TV shows... But even when I'm better, I need to be careful to don't pressure myself to much. Too many stimulus and I'm gonna be avoiding everyone again, until I feel less overestimulated.

No more worries. The day is over. I need to sleep.

Goodnight, mysterious person. And if no one ever reads this, goodnight to the absence of and the empty and the memories.

[remindmetohaveherdrugtested]

Once upon a time

Title: Once upon a time

Prompt: Everything seems to be going perfecrly so why do you feel the need to self harm after being 'clean' for so long? A reader insert where the reader is struggling with self harm again and Morgan helps.

Author: remindmetohaveherdrugtested

Tags: #reader insert #Derek Morgan #Comfort

Trigger warnings: #self harm #blood mention #murder/kidnap #mild swearing

Sat in the back of the SUV, you rest your head against the cool glass of the window and stare into the small gap between Derek's headrest and the cars' frame. Your eyes focused on the steering wheel, held steadily in place by his hands, before flicking back to the oncoming traffic.

Your mind wasn't really there. It was flicking between a million and one thoughts that were barely forming before the next one took over. You should be happy. You had exactly what you wanted from life; a happy little family, a job that you loved, a beautiful house and friends that you could count on. So why were you feeling so numb? Once upon a time that was all you dreamed about.

"Are we almost there?" A sleepy voice from the front broke you from your thoughts and you moved your head.

"About 10 minutes" Dereks steady voice answered, not taking his eyes off the road. "I wouldn't go back to sleep if I were you".

You watched him glance quickly at Spence beside him who looked like he was about to fall back asleep at any moment. It was 2am and the case was quite urgent according to Hotch and Garcia. Derek had swung by to pick you and Reid up as neither of you drove and the rest of the team wouldnt be long.

It wasnt long until the SUV was pulled up beside the rest of the team who were just starting to grab their go bags from another SUV to board the jet. Quickly stretching, you hopped out of the car and went to the boot to pull out your black bag and sling it across your shoulders. "We good to go? I need to get some serious sleep before we land" You asked, forcing a tiny smile at the rest of them. You barely waited for Hotch to nod before you were walking up the steps to the door and entering the cabin.

Immediately you slung your bag into the overhead bin and then settled yourself onto the sofa out of the way, watching as the rest of the team joined you. Each member put their bags away before settling down in a chair. It wasnt long until the jet was airborne but you knew you wouldnt land for a couple of hours and it would be a half an hour drive to the hotel.

"I'll let you all get some sleep shortly. We're headed to Texas" You knew that already from the call that Garcia had made earlier. "We think we have a cold case re-emerging. 10 years ago 2 brown haired, blue eyed and low risk women went missing. 5 years later their bodies were found having only died recently. 5 days later 2 more victims went missing and their bodies have just shown up. If the unsub sticks to their schedule the next two victims will go missing in 5 days and we will loose the trail again. The victims both looked to be kept in relatively good condition, cause of death was a single stab wound through the heart. Crime scence photos are on your tablets to have a look at and then you should try to get some rest" Hotch finished.

-------------------------------------------------------

It was 7pm and Hotch had sent everyone back to the hotel for the night. You stood in the onsuite bathroom and stripped quickly to shower. As you got out you caught a glimpse of your arms in the mirror. Thin silvery lines marred them and although the last time you had cut yourself deliberately was years ago the lines had not fully faded yet. Your fingers traced them slowly. You weren't proud of it and no one else on the team knew about that part of your life. The familiar urge took hold of your chest. It was a deep and sinking feeling. Like you couldnt breathe. You knew that harming yourself would get rid of the feeling. It would allow you to feel anything other than the numbness that had taken over recently. Usually you were able to push away the urges, breathe through them and distract yourself but today was just different. You were tired of pushing them away and you just wanted it to go away.

Almost in a trance your fingers had found a razor and was removing the blades from it. It was like you were watching someone else draw on your skin. Watching blood trickling down your arms, as if it were rain on the windows. The pain was fresh. It felt good to be able to feel anything other than that pressing feeling on your chest and numbness.

The second the razor touched the side new feelings rushed through you. Guilt. Panic. Anger. How could you give in after so many years of being clean? How would you hide this? Why did you even feel this way when every part of your life was, by definition, perfect.

"Shit. Shit. Shit"

You spun around and shoved your arm into the shower, wincing as the running water touched the fresh wounds and watching as it took away the blood.

Pulling the towel back around you quickly, you walked quickly back into the room and rumaged in your bag to pull out some bandages you kept in there for minor injuries in the field. As you pulled the bandages out there was a loud thud as your bag fell to the floor onto your foot and you swore loudly but didn't pick it up.

With experienced hands you started bandaging your arm up. You'd banaged injuries up all the time in the field but this being from yourself made you feel a wave of guilt again.

The silence in the room was broken by a few raps on the door.

"Uh yeah?" You called trying to quickly pin the bandage in place.

"You alright? I heard some thuds and swearing" Dereks deep voice came through the door.

"Oh, uh ,yeah. Just dropped my go bag on my foot" You tried to laugh it off but something in your voice must've given you away because a moment later the door cracked open.

"Are you sure Y/N?" Dereks voice was clearer with the door cracked.

"Yeah yeah, it'll just a little bruise" You said, rushing to pull the towel around yourself so that he didnt see everything. You closed your eyes and sighed as you realised you had answered too quickly and your voice had cracked.

The door opened slowly before softly shutting. "Whats wrong? You've seemed a bit off all day. Did something else happen?" He paused, his eyes glancing over you and resting on your bandaged arm which was trying to help keep your towel in place. "Y/N?" His voice trailed off and he walked quickly over to you "What happened?"

"I happened" You muttered, turning away and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"You happened? What did you do?" Derek half laughed, clearly expecting you to have fallen or walked into something. His eyes narrowed as you didn't reply. "Y/N?"

You felt the slow burning prickle behind your eyes and felt a tear roll down your cheek. "Nothing" You snapped and turned. "I-uh-Sorry, Im just tired and was a bit clumsy"

You felt a soft hand touch your shoulder. "Doesn't seem like nothing. Why don't you get dressed and we'll talk about it?"

Your hand clenched around the towel as you became painfully aware that you were still naked with nothing but a towel around you. You nodded but said nothing as you got up and grabbed the pyjamas that were at the foot of the bed and walked quickly into the bathroom. Your eyes caught site of the bloody blade lying in the sink and you fought a wave of sickness that arose from it. Quickly pulling on your pyjamas, you turned the tap on to wash the blood away and the dropped the blade out of sight. You didn't need more temptation.

Re-emerging from the bathroom you saw Derek had moved your bag onto the chair and had perched himself on the end of the bed. You walked around him and on the side of the bed.

"So are you going to tell me what happened?" Derek slowly turned around to look at you although you determinedly avoided his gaze.

"Lapse of judgement" You muttered. It wasnt a lie but it wasn't the most straightforward answer. It didn't deter Derek.

"You can talk to me you know. I won't tell anyone and I might be able to help."

You laughed. It was cold and seemed hollow even to you. "If I knew do you think Id be in this mess."

The bed moved and you looked up as Derek sat beside you and slowly wrapped his arms around you. It seemed to break some dam inside you that you had been holding back since he had knocked on your door and tears began to stream down your face.

"I didn't mean to" You whispered. "I haven't in so many years. I was doing well but I just lost my focus. It wont happen again. Please don't tell the others"

Derek pulled you in closer and you turned to press your face into his chest. His heartbeat was comforting. "If you don't want me to tell anyone then I won't" He said simply.

"Im just so numb and it just happened and I just wanted to feel something again. I don't know why because everything is perfect so I dont have a reason to feel like this and why should I have any reason to do that" You rambled coming to a halt with a look of disgust on your face.

"These things happen. It can happen to anyone" Derek soothed. "This line of work is tough, even on the strongest of us. And these feelings can hit anyone. Even those who think everything they have is perfect. Theyre normal"

More sobs racked you body, getting stronger and stronger. It was like you lost all control. "Please" you sobbed. "I just want to feel something. Help me feel something"

Derek pulled you up the bed and pulled you into his chest. "You had a slip. Everyone has relapses. It doesnt mean anything. You'll get through this. I'll be there for you. Always"

You had no more words to say, what else was there to say? Instead you buried your face in his chest and continued to sob until you felt tiredness overcome you and let it take you off into nothingness.

When you woke up, Derek was gone. At the bottom of the bed you saw a pile of fresh bandages, a small tube of antiseptic cream and a note. Picking up the note, you quickly read through it.

"Baby girl,

Once upon a time is the start of a story. You have to keep fighting to see the end."

[dolphin-enthusiast]

buonasera cara mia~!! 🌹🌙💌 how are you darling?? i hope that you slept at least a little, staying up until 1 isn't good!! (though i can't talk, i've had to stay up super late working as of late!) ooh, and i've heard of cowboy bebop,, you'll have to tell me about it!! ☀ (1/6)

"quinn is right, i have been ill lately, i've been sleeping too much and eating too little (i think it's lethargy and/or body image issues), but i'm working on it!! it's hard with lessening motivation, though i am trying my best!! i don't want to make anyone worry after all! thanks for your concern love 💞 (2/6)

my narcolepsy really did do a number on me today hehe!! i've felt tired all day and took so many naps,, i even almost fell asleep at a restaurant!! it was quite strange, but i got to rest during the ride home,, the exhaustion truly made day seem so surreal, almost dream-like!! at least i got to lay around with my cats 😖❤ (3/6)

despite all of this trouble, i did get to start a new sketchbook today!! though it's not for normal drawing, but for the fashion designs that pop in my head!! it feels good to start something new after feeling so static for a long time!! 🌺 (4/6)

ah, i do wish i could've written something more interesting/better quality, but with so much illness i couldn't do much today 😞 i will hopefully do more stuff tomorrow to tell you about though!! i need to get back to working, as it's 0:22 now,, so i'll be back tomorrow,, please take care dear!!! much love as always ❤ (ahhh i hope this letter is understandable,, my mind kept switching between languages as i wrote hehe) (5/6)

- with love from the moon and stars, a sleepy waifu 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘 ps: hmmm that anon dream gave me a new goal,, i need to teach you to dance when we meet in the future!! 😘 (and to that anon that asked about goth ihop, my work is going quite well 🌠) (6/6)"

Before i say anything else, i 100% understand the body image issues thing and not eating because of it (really do b hittin home ngl) but fr now love you just gotta know it aint real and u n e e d to eat bc its what keeps us alive and energized...im no medical expert obvs but at least in my case if i dont eat for longer periods i have mad headaches and feel like sleeping all day so if that also happens to u it wouldnt be good at all for ur narcolepsy too🗿🗿 im not gonna worry my ass off since i know ur capable of takin care of urself but i just thot i'd drop this in

On another note, u keep surprising me darling...fashion concepts??? Its wild how i can totally see u working in such a field as well (besides the pastry shop or model career concept) 👁️ i remember i tried drawing some cringe fail fashion concepts when i was little but gave up since i'd much rather draw characters and humans in general than just c l o t h e s djhddjjs

I can hardly wait for u to teach me to dance although i cant guarantee that i wont end up accidentally stepping on ur foot or having a 🅱️reakdown 🅱️reakdown since im not used to things like these 🤡✌️also i can totally tell u more abt the absolute masterpiece that cowboy bebop is, i have like 3 episodes left to watch and im also FINALLY almost finishing sbr and yet im still watching more stuff in tandem🤡🤡🤡🤡

[missblissy]

SO I ACCIDENTLY DELETED THE ASK BUUT! Anon asked about my OCs so here they are ;v;

These are my two important children. I do not have their demon forms drawn out yet because THIS IS A VERY OLD REF OF THEM ((I drew this in 2017. I do not have a working tablet but im GETTING ONE FOR CHRISTMAS SO IM GONNA BE DRAWING AGAIN SOON!! This is just their general bio, not necessarily Hazbin hotel))

Sage Helvig:

Age: 26 Gender: Female Race: Mixed. Japanese/Europen Descent.   Status: Alive Build/Body Type/Physical Frame: Smol Height: 4′9″ Weight: 160 lbs Skin: White Hair: Long black hair that stops above her waist, wavy but little to nose curls Eyes: Blue Other defining features/extra anatomy: Has many piercings on her ears, both ears are completely covered with piercings. Voice: Soft-spoken and relatively monotone. Doesn’t express a lot of emotions when speaking. Often mistaken for being tired. Style: POP PUNK!!! EDGY!!! EMO!!!!

Loves/Favorites: - Tol Husband - Magic/Pagan worship - Japanese cuisine and culture - Archery/Bowhunting - Studying Mythology - Pepsi ((She’s addicted)) - ALL BREAKFAST FOOD - And fruits. She prefers fruit over candy - Chemistry - Cleaning ((It’s a form of therapy for her)) - Science ((in general)) - Crabs ((She keeps them as pets and thinks they are the cutest things every)) - Winter and Fall - Swords/Daggers/Blades

Hates: - Candy, like unnaturally sweet things ((like taffy, lemon drops, sour patch kids, etc etc)) - Math - Cooking - Most internet culture. - Evil/Dark spirits/Demons ((Anything malevolent)) - People who don’t know how to shut up about cars - Bugs - Spring and Summer

Hobbies: - Studying different culture’s mythology/history/religions. - Witchcraft/Spellcasting - Demon slaying - Archery - Chemistry - Swordsmanship

Hopes/Dreams: - To one day rid the world of all demonic and malevolent spirits. - Have a daughter of her own and raise her the way she was raised - To become a skilled and honorable Demon Slayer

Fears/Nightmares: - Anything bad happening to Van or her brother - Death - Demonic possession ((Ya know, being possessed and shit)) - Hurting the innocent. - Getting sent to Hell

Best Quality: - She is a skilled Demon Slayer who has seen more combat than the average person. She used a mix of a short bow, rapier and magical abilities when hunting and fighting demons and spirits Greatest Flaw: - She doesn’t put enough trust and faith into those around her. She struggles with taking on to much at once and burning herself out. She tries to hard to fix everything by herself and tends to push the people she cares most away from her. How does the character picture himself/herself? - She doesn’t see or view herself as the legend she is slowly becoming. She’s very humble and feels as though she is at the bottom of the ladder when it comes to anything she does. There is always room for improvement. How do others see him/her? - One of the best Demon Slayers there are out there, many people are fame struck when the come meet her because she is from a long demon slayer that dates back to some of the earliest centries of human culture and society. This causes her and Van to move a lot.

Most valued possession: - The rapier sword that she was gifted too by her father as he died from a fatal wound during a battle with a demon. It is the same rapier sword that she used to kill said demon that murdered her father.

Is he/she motivated by possibility or necessity? - Necessity. She knows that she is needed because there are so few people left on the planet with gifts like hers ((I.e Magical abilities)) How does he/she view the future and/or the past? - Sage thinks there is a grim future for humanity and has little faith in those around her. She tries not to think about the past either but uses it as motivation to keep moving forward. What is his/her philosophy on life and death? - She fears death more than anything, only because she doesn’t know what kind of afterlife she will have. Sage doesn’t think death is the end, and believe there is life beyond death. She wants to live as long as she can, possibly growing old with Van. What kind of energy level do they usually have? Sleepy and depressed. She’s not a bubbly person and is very serious and stoic and quiet.

Does he/she have a temper? Yes but only if you push her to the edge or if she’s been cornered in some way.

Polite or rude? Rude Stingy or generous? Generous Leader or a follower? Leader More happy by themselves or in a group? By herself What is his/her sexual preference/experience/values? - Sage is bisexual, monogamous, and demisexual. Before she married Vanderlinde she dated both men and women. She doesn’t sleep around and find causal sex repulsive ((for her, she doesn’t care what other people do with their sex lives)) -History/Background- - Sage was born from a Japanese mother and a German father. She was born in Japan but her family moved around every few years due to being members of a secret society dedicated to exterminating demons. Her mother is still alive however her father died when she was 17 years old in a fatal battle with a Demon. - She has spent almost her entire life working for a secret society of demon slayers, which she took on as a full-time job after her father died. - Sage has an older half brother named Kael, they share the same mother but a different father. - She received formal schooling through the secret soceity she worked for. She was able to still get her high school education while traveling around the world to slay demons. - She met Vanderlinde when she was 20 years old and after just moving to the United States. Vanderlinde was a priest at the time and Sage had just enrolled in university for a chemistry degree. They quickly fell in love and Sage welcomed Vanderlinde into her secret society with open arms and Vanderlinde happily joined.

((There is so much more to Sage’s backstory I’m just TIRED and SLEEPY so this is all ya’ll get.))

___________________________________________

Vanderlinde Helvig:

Age: 31 Gender: Male Race: Cucasion, Scandinavian descent. Status: Alive Build/Body Type/Physical Frame: Tol Height: 6′0″ Weight: 230 lbs Skin: White Hair: Short blonde fluffy hair Eyes: Green Other defining features/extra anatomy: He has several tattoos, all of them are based of Nordic Mythology, Nordic Ruins, and Scandinavian Vikings Voice: Deep but soothing. Imagine what butter would sound like if it could talk.SMOOTH Style: Business Causal, he’s a professor so he wears a lot of dress shirts and sweaters. This boy loves his cashmere sweaters.

Loves/Favorites: - His smol wife - Music ((He loves pop punk, rock, grunge, metal, etc etc)) - THE LORD ALL MIGHTY - Sunday Prayer - His Students - Teaching - Nordic Mythology - Cooking - PEACE AND LOVE - Coffee and tea. - Summer and Fall - Going to concerts/rock shows - Motorcycles

Hates: - Spring and Winter - Unnecessary arguments/debates - People who refuse to educate themselves - Lazy Students - Grading paper work - People who don’t know how to drive - Demonic/Evil Spirits - Pepsi ((He’s a Coke-a-cola person)) - Alcohol ((And Drunk people. If you are drunk he won’t even try and talk to you))

Hobbies: - Reading - Writing ((He’s written many books about religious study books)) - Exploring the unknown ((He breaks your modern Indiana Jones tbh lmao)) - Providing Exorcisms/religious healing/cleanings - Working out/staying fit - Researching religions and mythology

Hopes/Dreams: - WORLD PEACE - That everyone can be happy and treated equally - To destroy every demonic/evil spirit - To have a child one day, just one. Doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl he’ll love them the same. - To be recognized worldwide for his work and struggles.

Fears/Nightmares: - Losing Sage ((In any way. Like if she’s killed or if she leaves him etc etc.)) - Becoming possessed and harming people. - The Devil/Lucifer/Satan - Demonic spirits ((He’s always afraid of them even if he’d confronted by them)) - Heights/Being up high - The ocean

Best Quality: - Vanderlinde is a very mild-mannered person. It’s hard to piss him off, he’s very calm and collective and has incredible control over his emotions. People often describe him with a “healing” personality and an “open mind.” Greatest Flaw: - He lets his fears control him. Too often he runs away from things that quiet literally scare him. He is not a fighter and doesn’t enjoy fighting, he’d rather run away defend himself or those around him. This often leads people to say he is cowardly. How does the character picture himself/herself? - Vanderlinde sees himself as a weak softy who can’t win a single physically fight. He doesn’t have a lot of self-confidence so he doubts himself and his skills way too much. He thinks he a push-over that anyone could walk all over. How do others see him/her? - Many people view Vanderlinde as an incredibly intelligent and kind professor who cares about his student’s education more than anything in the world. ((Next to his love for Sage)) People describe him as a very kind and loving person with a big heart.

Most valued possession: - His rosary, he carries it with him always. It was a gift to him from a priest that change his views on Christianity and other religions.

Is he/she motivated by possibility or necessity? - Necessity. Vanderlinde knows there aren’t enough people in the world fighting the dark forces. He knows it is his duty to educate the masses about what is going on when no one is looking. How does he/she view the future and/or the past? - Vanderlinde hopes for a pretty and peaceful future, a safe world where his child can grow up without fear. What is his/her philosophy on life and death? - Vanderlinde does not fear death, he knows that he is going to Hell anyway, so he might as well enjoy his life to the fullest until that day comes. What kind of energy level do they usually have? He’s very relaxed, calm and cool. He’s known for wearing a comforting smile and using healing words to lift people up and make them feel better about themselves.

Does he/she have a temper? No. Vanderlinde has incredible control over his emotions. Even when he’s pissed off he’s still nice, happy, and trying his best to please others.

Polite or rude? Polite Stingy or generous? Generous Leader or a follower? Leader More happy by themselves or in a group? By himself What is his/her sexual preference/experience/values? - Vanderlinde is a straight monogamous male. He’s experimented before here and there but he prefers women for the most part. He is very private about his sex life and gets very uncomfortable when people talk/ask about it. -History/Background- - Vanderlinde grew up in an orphanage for wayward boys, he never knew his parents and refuses to look into them. He was born in the United States. He doesn’t want to know why or how he ended up at the orphanage. It was run by a Catholic church, where he grew up with a deep faith in the Lord. He began to question his faith when the Priest he looked up to had passed away. - Around 18 years old Vanderlinde left the orphanage and went on a soul searching journal across the United State. He was homeless during this time as he traveled cross country, drinking, doing drugs and learning about all different types of faith. When he turned 20 he turned back to the Church and became a priest for the next five years. - He met Sage when he was 25, she was 20 at the time. Because she was a pagan witch, Vanderlinde was punished for getting himself involved with her. At the same time, he also got in trouble for researching other religions other than Christianity. He chose to renounce his priesthood and left the church because he did not agree with their rules. After that, Vanderlinde worked towards becoming a professor at the local university where he could freely research and teach others - After he fell in love with Sage, Vanderlinde joined her secret society, more than happy to join a cause he believed in and was willing to fight for.

((Again, there is so much more to Vanderlinde’s back story but Im just so tired and I wanted to quickly summarize the 20 pages I have for these two dorks.))

[saccharineomens]

I want to know all the answers from your 100 question meme

Something you find romantic? Answer whichever #'s you feel comfortable answering; I want to know all your inner musings 😝

cat why do you do this to me

i’ll be sticking them below a readmore, then!

1.  Is a kiss considered cheating? Yes! Unless you’ve communicated with your partner that it’s okay.

2. Have you ever faked an orgasm? Nope

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Hmmm this is a really hard decision. I usually say telepathy, but I like shapeshifting, too. I loved the Animorphs books as a kid, even though I didn’t read them all.

4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? Monetarily? Nah. But I like to think I’ll still have strong, rich friendships and I think I’ll have enough money to live comfortably alone. 

5.  Tell us some funny drunk story. I just don’t really have one rip. Drunk people are hilarious but normally I’m the DD. I’ve got several pleasant stories, though! There was a time me and my best friend went to a pub and drank cider and played board games and video games until closing time. Afterwards we stopped at an Insomnia cookies, a storm caused the electricity to go out, and we got a half dozen cookies for free. (well, I felt guilty, so I left them a very large tip.)

6.  Why are you no longer together with your ex? I was going through college, it was long distance, and I felt he deserved better. We keep in touch, though.

7.  If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? Well, painlessly, of old age, in my sleep, of course. But if that’s not an option, out of all the ways of dying, freezing to death seems the most humane. You just get tired, cold, and sleepy, and then you just...don’t wake up.

8.  What are your current goals? Graduate, mostly. Long-term I’d like to live with friends in a big house and my cat, and have enough free time to garden and craft at my leisure, and have the ability to travel wherever I’d like. I’d like to work on a game or movie I’m really passionate about, and I’d love to become a director someday.

9.  Do you like someone? I mean, I like a lot of people, but I assume this means romantically. So, kind of? I find a lot of people attractive and have a ‘if they wanted to date I’d be down’ feeling, but I don’t have serious feelings for anybody specific.

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you? Hmmm I have a terrible memory. Myself, perhaps? I have a really hard time with getting up when my alarms go off. Sleep inertia’s a big problem for me. This has led to me being late to classes and rushing to get ready, which is stressful.

11. Do you like your body? Ehhhh. I guess. It could be improved, like by not having health issues. 

12.  Can you keep a diet? Ha! No.

13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? I hope you have a wonderful day. The universe doesn’t care about us so be excellent to each other!

14.  Do you work? Constantly, every day. I work to learn new things, accomplish school assignments, make money, feed myself...All my life is is working, right now.

15.  If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be? Salad! Because anything can be a salad. Tuna salad, fruit salad, salad with salmon...

16. Would you get a tattoo? Oh, absolutely. The only reason I don’t have any is because of money. I have like five small ideas and one very large one that i’d like across my back. 

17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? Food, my family, and my friends.

18. Can you drive? Yes. Do I have a license? No.

19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? Probably sometime in the past month by my mother, but she’s just about the only person who does.

20. What was the last thing you cried for? asdfjal;ksdjfs it was Treasure Planet. Jim and Silver’s relationship is just [clutches chest] so beautiful.

21. Do you keep a journal? Sort of, sporadically. 

22.  Is life fun? Yes!

23.  Is farting in front of people irrelevant? I mean, I prefer you excuse yourself, but more or less yeah.

24.  What’s your dream car? My sib got this really nice Prius used at a good price, and it has a lot of room and it’s a hybrid, so Nice. I don’t tend to pay much attention to cars, as long as they’re comfortable and low-waste.

25. Are grades in school important? I admit that they’re important to me, but that’s something I have to unlearn. My worth isn’t determined by other people.

26. Describe your crush. Ugh. I’m bi, guys. I get crushes on people all the time, every day. Saw this really pretty redhead in the cafeteria over a month ago, and I saw her again yesterday. She’s a couple inches taller than me and has really pretty curly hair, but I didn’t really, like, stare, so I couldn’t describe her face well past ‘cute nose’.

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? Nothing jumps to mind. I guess I’m still falling over myself after seeing Mad Max back in like 2015, that was just the coolest experience ever. I find delight in just about every movie I watch, though. The second Jumanji-sequels movie was just as fun and amazing as the first. Klaus was just incredible in so many ways. 

28.  What was your last lie? I...really just do not remember. Probably telling myself “I’m gonna do my laundry today” a few days ago? Whereas I DID do my laundry today so HA

29. Dumbest lie you ever told? I saved this question for last and it’s late and I honestly can’t remember anything, asdjls sorry. My memory’s awful y’all. 

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing? Oh absolutely. I mean it wouldn’t be if they weren’t uncomfortable with it, but they always are.

31.  Something you did and you are proud of? I did my laundry today? washed dried folded and everything. I also braved the nighttime neighborhood around my school to solo a Pokemon raid, which was cool. I’m proud of my animation done at the end of the last semester, and of how my teddy bear modelling is doing this week.

32. What’s your favourite cocktail? How am I supposed to choose this? How can you ask me to choose this? I’d have to line them all up and try one by one, honestly, before I could tell you. 

33.  Something you are good at? I’m pretty good at drawing anatomy and expressions, I think. I’m good at baking/cooking, although I lack creativity in the kitchen. I also think I’m a pretty good listener, and a good friend? 

34.  Do you like small kids? Most of the time!

35.  How are you feeling right now? Frankly, a little drained with all these questions, but determined to finish them. I’m a little hungry. I’ve got a lot on my mind, and wish I was doing homework, but I also can’t get myself to do it right now. 

36.  What would you name your daughter/son? Not sure! Every once in a while I’ll be like “ooh, that’d be a great name” and then don’t remember to write it down. Besides, I plan on adopting, and most kiddos already have names.

37.  What do you need to be happy? Money, friends, family, good food, and a place to explore. 

38.  Is there some you want to punch in the face right now? Not particularly. No one other than, well. The rich people I’m pretty sure everyone knows I dislike.

39.  What was the last gift you received? Well, anything my mom cooks for me is a gift, but the last Proper gift was from my friend @ wefflebugs , who got me a blu-ray copy of Into the Spiderverse and some coffee for Christmas  c:

40.  What was the last gift you gave? I gave my sibling @ aconfusedbird a keychain of one of the two Bubble Bobble dragons and kept the other for myself, for their birthday. Handmade from Perler beads. We’d play that game for ages as kids, and we always fought over who’d be the blue one.

41.  What was the last concert you went to? I think it was The Shins? They were so awesome!

42.  Favourite place to shop at? Well, I quite like Target. But I also adore small resale shops. They always have some really awesome things hiding there.

43. Who inspires you? Oogh, a lot of people. Like a million and a half artists I’ve met online, ones I only know their screenname for, inspire me to get better at art. James Baxter and Sergio Pablos inspire me to get better at animation. Wefflebugs’ art always has such lovely colors, which I adore. featherdragon15′s art has gotten a lot better lately, and that inspires me to keep working hard too! Not to mention they’re working for nasa which is rad af, and also inspires me to keep working toward my dreams. My sibling aconfusedbird inspires me a Lot in a lot of personal ways, like to be more kind to myself and to keep moving forward. My mom inspires me to keep gardening. roachpatrol/roach-works inspired me to get into welding, lizardlicks inspired me into wanting chickens and a small homestead. My teachers inspire me to keep working hard in school. 

44. How old were you when you first got drunk? 19, I think? I’ve only gotten properly drunk once. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat another boiled peanut, but other than that it wasn’t a problem lol.

45. How old were you when you first got high? I haven’t, actually. I don’t have a reason not to or anything, but it’s just never felt like the right vibe yanno?

46.  How old were you when you first had sex? I guess it really depends on your definition. Personally, I’d say I haven’t yet.

47. When was your first kiss? Well, I played spin the bottle when I was seventeen, which was technically my first kiss, but if that doesn’t count then it was about a week before I turned eighteen, and I kissed the guy who’d become my first boyfriend.

48.  Something you want to do until the end of this year? Play video games....I wish I had infinite time to play video games and watch movies and draw and just...enjoy my time on earth, you know? Without feeling like it had a deadline.

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? I try not to live with regrets. 

(50 is ‘post a selfie’ but im on a computer)

51. Who are you most comfortable around? Either aconfusedbird or featherdragon15, i think. 

52.  Name one thing that terrifies you. asdkfjal;sdf i’ve been listening to too much magnus archives and got recommended to ‘not be too scared of one thing’ if i want to avoid the creatures, so uh. hard to decide. I guess I’m scared of...hm. people who just lack the ability to create bonds with people? people who don’t care about other living things. humans can be fucking terrifying. 

53. What kind of books do you read? Oh, just about anything. Fantasy, realistic fiction, romance, mysteries, thrillers, scifi...all are great. I didn’t used to enjoy nonfiction but it really depends on the nonfiction.

54. What would you tell your 12 year old self? You’re going to have a best friend someday, and it will be everything you wanted. Things with your mother will improve when you’re in your last few years of high school. You’re going to become a great artist.

55.  What is your favourite flower? Not sure! I like many. There was this one flower i found in high school that smelled incredible, but I’ve no idea what it was. I should find it again.

56. Any bad habits you have? ...Well. Not waking up when my alarm goes off is pretty annoying. My procrastination in general’s frustrating. And, well, just between you, me, and the rest of the internet, (tw: self harm) my trichotillomania causes me constant distress and anxiety.

57. What kind of people are you attracted to? People who want to learn new things, are kind and compassionate, respect me, and have a good sense of humor. Someone I can be adventurous with.

58. What was the last thing you cried for? Well, i answered a similar question earlier, so I’ll answer for the second most recent time I cried. I was in Pennsylvania, the day I had to fly home, and when I went to check in for my flight, all the seats were taken, and I needed to pay for an upgrade if I wanted to guarantee a spot on the flight. This wouldn’t be a huge problem, except that for both of my flights to get home, an upgrade cost $70. And seventy dollars was a big chunk out of my budget for, you know, food. So I cried out of stress and frustration with the airport companies for charging me seventy bucks for ten more inches of legroom that I didn’t want nor need.

59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you? Not really! In terms of what’s normally accepted as “food” in American society, that is. I don’t care much for worms or insects. Other than that, I’m interested enough to try almost anything once.

60. Are you in love? In love? No. Am I full of love? Yes, for many, many, many things. 

61.  Something you find romantic? Oh man, anything could be romantic if done by someone I care for. I think gentleness is romantic. Quality time is my love language, so if my partner cancelled plans to spend time with me, that’d be romantic. I find romance in trying new things and going to new places.

62. How long was your longest relationship? Four months or so. It’s the only relationship I’ve been in, though, and I hadn’t intended for it to go past summer, so that was longer than I’d even planned on haha.

63, 64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex? Opposite sex? Uhhh kind of hard to answer this one. I mean, i hate the culture in which men are raised to be, but I’ve heard that ‘male’ and ‘female’ brains aren’t particularly predisposed to anything in particular? Like, both men and women are capable of emotional intelligence and compassion, it’s just that our culture doesn’t encourage it in men. 

65. What are you saving money for? Food, college. I might treat myself to a school trip to Disney, but I don’t think I have the budget rn. As a student I’m kind of coasting by on the bare minimum rn, I don’t have anything i CAN save up for.

66. How would you describe your bad side? I mostly just avoid you or try to not spend time with you. 

67. Are you actually a good person? Why? I think I am. I care about other people and try to make other people’s lives easier and happier. I try every day to become more sensitive to other perspectives. I do what I can to benefit the earth for those who will come after me.

68. What are you living for? Ooh, deep stuff. I’m living for helping other people. I’m living for my friends and family. 

69 (nice).  Have you ever done anything illegal? Pfft, guys, jaywalking is illegal. So yes. I’ve also drank while underage before. But nothing really big, no.

70.  Do you like your body? Wait a second. This was number 11, too. Well, I guess I’ll change it to What don’t you like about your body? Which is my under-chin. It’s kind of a double chin, kind of not. But while most things I could change about my body, I don’t think I could change that without surgery. And yeah, I’ve thought about it. Not that I have any of the cash for it. I also wish I didn’t have (tw: self-harm) trichotillomania, so I’d have more eyelashes and eyebrows.

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? I think I probably have, to douchebags. Like “hey, that’s inappropriate”.  

72.  Ever sent nudes? Nope!

73. Have you ever cheated on someone? God, no. Big #1 no no for me.

74. Favourite candy? I RECENTLY DISCOVERED TAKE 5′S AND REESES HAVE COMBINED INTO ONE GLORIOUS CANDY BAR, SO, THAT.

75. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it! Agh, okay. @ aconfusedbird, @ busket, @ loreweaver-universe, @ orange-plum. The four blogs I don’t actually follow, but whose blogs I visit every day. It changes around every few years. It used to be a different bunch back when I first got on tumblr. I really have no idea why I haven’t followed them. Habit, I suppose? Also, it still won’t let me tag my sib for some reason. (nvm I removed the tags, i don’t want to bother them)

76. Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game? lmao uh, that’s kind of an understatement. I can’t list all my favorite games, but I’m very fond of The Last of Us. I have played. So many video games. I’ll chat about them anytime!

77. Favourite TV series? Avatar: The Last Airbender, I think. It’s really hard to top that.

78. Are you religious? Does God exist? Not really religious, no. I do think that there’s probably a god out there that sparked the Big Bang. I don’t really follow the Christian God because despite what every church service said, I never felt like He loved me. Jesus was a super cool guy, though. If there’s a god out there, I think they pretty much keep to themselves. Maybe have some fun watching creation, but don’t really interact with it at all.

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? asdkfj;as i don’t remember. probably my textbook Directing the Story by Francis Glebas? It was a pretty cool book about moviemaking.

80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? I’ve reblogged a lot on the subject. I respect those who practice it, but it can cause a lot of environmental harm. In theory, it’s not bad! 

81. How long have you been on Tumblr? Like eight years or so? Maybe nine? wild. I visited blogs daily before the number got high enough i was like ‘okay i’ll just make an account’.

82. Do you like Chinese food? Oh, yes!

83-85. McDonalds or Subway?   Vodka or whiskey? Alcohol or drugs? Subway, whiskey and alcohol.

86.  Ever been out of your province/state/country? Yes, yes, and no!

87. Meaning behind your blog name? I’ve had this one for many years now. I really like the word ‘saccharine’ -- inspired by @ saccharinesylph back in the old days -- and i couldn’t just name myself ‘saccharine’, so i needed something else. and I was pretty big into Good Omens at that time, and I was like ‘haha! saccharine, good, omens. saccharine omens!’ Plus, it feels like a very positive and comforting name, and I strive to be a comforting person. 

88. What are you scared of? ok i def answered this moving on

89. Last time you were insulted? uhhhhhhhhh no idea. oh, wait! i know. i was getting graded on my performance at my job late last year and i disagreed with the grade my boss gave me. It was like ‘person shows considerable care of their community and goes above and beyond to educate others’ and i was like ‘oh yeah that’s, like, my whole Thing, my whole Goals and Personality and Ideals’ and then my boss came in and was like ‘2/4′ and i was like ‘wtf??’ Apparently she felt that i just wasn’t really applying that part of myself to my job, and i was like ‘you serious? i’m doing a lot!’ but also she’s my boss.

90. Most traumatic experience? A series of emotionally/mentally abusive things my mom did during my childhood. It’s definitely had the longest lasting effects of any trauma. Permanent anxiety problems, ptsd, my self harm, the whole shebang. Don’t worry, though, like. Things are way better between us, and she’s apologized many times.

91. Perfect date idea? Going on a hike! Maybe walking on a beach. Just spending time together and talking. Eating some delicious food. Spending the entire day with each other, then curling up and cuddling at home and watching a movie. then talking some more. lots of handholding and kisses. im a super hopeless romantic.

92. Favourite app on your phone? the internet, ofc lmao. But other than that I use Animal Crossing Pocket Camp and Pokemon Go an awful lot. 

93. What colour are the walls in your room? At school a boring white, although I’ve taped some art up. At home a really pretty light blue color that I did all myself.

94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber? I do! And I like so many channels, honestly. I really like Rachel and Jun, and I really like Pop Culture Detective. I’ve seen a lot of jackscepticeye’s stuff, too. Proko, Vox, and Sinix Design are all good too.

95. Share your favourite quote. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.” -Dr Seuss

96.  What is the meaning of life? To be happy, enjoy yourself, and love others!

97. Do you like horror movies? Ha ha ha, not really. I liked A Quiet Place though. 

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? She’s cried sometimes over how she treated us in the past. Sometimes it happens because I talk about how she’s hurt me. She always expresses regret and apologizes again. 

99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way? I feel lucky with how I met my best friend. We’d had band together and kind of both thought each other as a cool person, but we didn’t really hit it off until a couple years later and she saw me drawing Homestuck fanart in Psychology lmao. The rest is history. Love you so much, Haley. I feel lucky my mom realized she was being abusive and stopped, too. Not everyone gets that. 

100. Can you keep a secret? Oh, definitely. But do tell me what needs to be secret, otherwise I won’t know. For example, my sib asked me to keep their gf busy while they bought her a present, so I tried, but then she was like ‘oh, where’s your sibling? we should find them’ i was like ‘oh no, i think they’re just buying something, it’s fine’ but she was stubbornly moving toward the checkout and i was like ‘stop, i think they’re buying something for you’ so i. kinda told a secret? i didn’t tell her what the present was though.

JESUS THAT WAS A LOT OF TYPING, LMAO. IT’S THREE AM. GOODNIGHT

[the-storyteller-and-her-soldiers]

I Miss You (Inktober Day 2 - Tranquil)

Title: I Miss You

Word Count: 2,183

Warnings: Okay so this is my first actual angst story when it comes to selfshipping! So this time the warnings are legit! So there are mention/implications of death and a second of self-deprecation. But other than that I believe we’re good! AND THERE IS A HAPPY ENDING!!! (Message me if you’d like anything else tagged)

Ship: ((CAN YOU GUESS??)) The Storyteller and her Shield (Gladio x Myself)

Summary: (So I’m participating in Inktober and today’s prompt is Tranquil and what’s more tranquil than peace of mind!) So it’s been about a month since my unexpected and unknown passing. Though since I haven’t been laid to rest I decide to check in on someone I hold dear. I’m honestly surprised by what I find.

Smoky charcoal clouds passed through the sky covering any stray ray of moonlight that tried to shine down on the streets below. The lack of light would have been a problem for the single soul who dared to be out this late, had it not been for the flood of flickering orange street lamps that were littered throughout the neighborhood. If anyone else was insane enough to be out this late, the sight of the one hooded figure with their back to the street would have been eerie enough. It truly appeared like a scene from any modern day horror movie. But this was the real world, and surely demons and nighttime monsters didn't exist. The figure covered by the washed-one-too-many-times hoodie was just someone who had trouble getting to sleep and thought a little nature might help. But if someone were to stumble upon this sleepless soul, they wouldn't be able to help but wonder what the other was looking at so intently in the pitch black. That is until they listened to the sound of rushing water that came from the flooded stream beneath them. The sound of the burbling brook seemed to have the power of putting anyone at ease, which made it one of the hidden gems of the neighborhood.

Tranquility finally set itself into the aching hole of the blue hooded figure, a hum of content filling the otherwise silent air. Though quiet is something that rarely remains in the town that this silhouette called home and soon enough tiny patters of water droplets diving from the sky and onto anything in the world below filled this silence. The sounds of rain crashing into several surfaces of the sidewalk, stream, street lights, and leaves were almost like a melody to the figure. But as much as the lone soul loved any form of song, the hatred of being soaked outweighed it in every regard. So much so that they felt the need to vocalize their disdain to the sleeping world,

"Oh come on, can't one day go by where it doesn't rain?" Anyone could practically hear the eye-roll the figure was making as they continued, looking to the sky. "I guess that's your way of telling me to get my butt to bed, huh Mother Nature?"

As the figure continued to send glares to the heavens above, the hood fell off the figure's head, revealing a messy strawberry pink ponytail and a pale face, that of a young woman. At this she groaned once more, rubbing her cheeks before beginning to fumble with the difficult behaving hood. When the hood covered her head once more, it now only covered the back side of her head since it had caught on their ponytail leaving her face easy to see. Knowing that this was the best she was going to get, hands of ivory dropped to her sides before slamming themselves into the hoodie's pockets, trying to get dry and warm. Beginning the journey in the opposite direction of the place they now called home, the sleepless soul made her way towards the home of her partner, Gladio.

Surely he won't mind if I spend the night. It's so much warmer at his house than it is at mine! As she thought of where she'd soon be, a sad laugh drowned out the drowning rain. He probably won't even notice I'm there. Though I do wanna make sure that he at least got to sleep, it has been rough on them this past month... The teal hood nearly fell off her head once again when she shook it in an attempt to get rid of the thought. She knew thinking like that would only confuse her and be of no help to anyone, so it was best not to mull it over.

Rounding various corners and trudging through the orange lights that flickered when the girl who was getting damper by the second approached, she listened the quiet of the night. Another pit settled inside her as they thought back to the noticeable thumping that her boots usually made, so she began trying to listen for that over all the other quiet ambiance. Yet no matter how hard she tried, all she heard was the pittering of the rain. It was unsettling in a way, but she'd get used to it all soon. She had to since it seemed like the situation they were in wasn't going to change any time soon. So again, it was better not to think about it. 

The rest of the walk was almost like the girl had set herself on autopilot, focusing on nothing but the movement of her feet and ground under them. Tired eyes only lighting up when the roof of the oh-so-familiar home was in sight. The scarlet hue of the street lamps making the ebony color of her eyes that much brighter. Grounded footsteps picking up their pace to a light sprint, which only halted when they stood on the expansive oak porch and in front of a sliding glass door.

The girl turned her head both ways, scanning for any other potential intruder. Once they were sure no one else was around, she bent down and picked up an inconspicuous grey rock that laid beside the outer frame of the door. Flipping it over into their other hand dark eyes scanned over the crudely etched "G + R" along with a small doodle of a heart next to the letters on the bottom of the rock. The drawing was so small that if she hadn't been the one who had drawn it, she wondered if she would have even noticed it. When she questioned it, she began to question what her partner thought of it, if he noticed it at all. Nevertheless, the small sketch made her lips curve upwards while she continued to think. The girl was only pulled from her thoughts when a particularly large raindrop fell on her head. Her nose scrunched before she stepped closer to the door to step out of the rain. She then twisted the bottom of the rock, revealing the key to the back door

“Ah, the special key to my special entrance.” She held back a giggle while reflecting on the memory of when Gladio had shown her this key. How he told her that she could use it whenever she needed to, even when he wasn’t there. It was such a sweet gesture, one that helped the girl in more ways than she could ever express. For a moment one question came to mind, but it vanished quickly since there was no point in questioning something that couldn’t be changed.

Fitting the key into the lock after a few misses, the girl unlocked the door and stepped inside. The everlasting chill was lightened ever so slightly when the door closed behind her. She wandered inside, placing the secret key in its container and on to a nearby bookshelf. Although the house was darker than it was outside due to the lack of light, the girl made her way around just fine thanks to her prior knowledge. 

This is just a quick check-in and then maybe I can get some shut-eye as well. Remember that! The girl reminded herself repeatedly since the last thing she wanted was to disturb her partner and any company he may be keeping.

The floorboards seemed to creak with every few steps she took, making her recoil back in her own horror. They had never done this before, but all the girl could say to justify it was that times were different now. Although, that didn’t stop her from at least wincing with every sudden noise. After failing miserably at her self-given mission of being stealthy, the girl finally made it to her destination, Gladio’s room.

She twisted the door open, expecting to see a fully occupied bed, but what she saw broke her heart even more. Gladio laid in his bed, alone. Clutching for dear life, a bear that the girl recognized as her favorite that she used to own. Looking closer she took notice that his cheeks were... tearstained?  Bringing a hand up to her lips and clasping it over her mouth, she held back her own tears. There was no way that he could still be this upset after this much time. Not because of her. No one should be. In her own eyes, she wasn’t worth it.  Yet here was the cold hard truth laid before her. She wanted to go to his side and wipe away the tears, comfort him! But she couldn’t, she’d cause more harm than good, right? She just used both hands to hold back her cries and shook her head, trying to avert her gaze. But any resistance the girl had broke when Gladio called out her name. Something that the young lady nearly didn’t recognize from not hearing for so long.

The young woman hurriedly made her way to her partner’s side, sitting on the edge of the bed to wipe away his tears. She never wanted her partner to suffer, not because of her. Not knowing whether or not he would be able to even hear her, she placed her hand over his lightly grasping it.

“It’s okay sweetie, I’m here,” She tried to soothe, rubbing her thumb along the side of his hand. “I’m here.”

She saw Gladio reach out for her, and the young lady had to shut her eyes so hard that her head started to hurt. All so she wouldn’t break down crying. 

“I miss... you,” Gladio confessed, his voice a mix between a mutter and sleepy groan.

Another quiet wince left the girl’s lips. “I miss you too, hon. So, so much. But hey, I’m no longer in pain, so that’s a positive.” The girl whispered,  mustering up a positive attitude. “But I am so sorry if I caused you any pain! I never thought that I...” She paused trying to keep her composure, “That I meant that much to you. I do know that you’re really strong and you’ll make it through this. And even if I can’t do much, I’ll do my best to help you! You’re going to be just fine, I know you will. But still take all the time you need, that’s what’s important.” A glance at the clock that sat on the nightstand reminded her of the time, 4:47 in the morning. She should be going soon, after all, it would be rude if she wasn’t prepared for her final big day.

Letting go of Gladio’s hand, the young lady let it fall to the bed as she stood from the bed. She turned around, leaning against the bed to place a butterfly kiss on her partner’s forehead. “I don’t know if you’re even hearing any of my thoughts but I just really want you to know that I’m sorry for any pain I’ve caused but I love you more than I can ever say.” She then leaned back, taking one last look at the sleeping brunet who she had held so dear. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

Gladio woke up just moments later with chills running through his upper body. Despite the intensity, they were oddly soothing, though, by the time he could realize where he was or what they might be, the strawberry-haired lady had already vanished. Even though the dark sky held such devastation the night before, as amber eyes gazed out towards it now, for some reason Gladio felt as though things would begin to feel okay...

-

-

"And that's the ending!" The young lady beamed while closing the document she was reading from. Ebony eyes looked around at their audience expectant for any responses. "Well, what do ya' think? It's not my magnum opus or anything, but I did just spend ten hours straight writing this, so please give me some credit." The young lady was about to crash her head into the table mat below, but mere centimeters away she felt a hand tug at the back of her collar. "Thanks, babe." 

Gladio gave a content hum of acknowledgment while lowering his girlfriend onto the table to where she rested her head.

"I kept tellin' ya when you kept askin' me for opinions, you did good. But I think you broke Prompto."

The lady author lifted her head to see where her usually upbeat friend sat quietly. "You're not gonna die, are you?" He asked, with his voice being only a whimper.

Gladio tried to hold back a snort as he watched his girlfriend practically leap out of her chair and begin freaking out in an attempt to calm down her friend.

"YOU ARE NOT HELPING!" The bright strawberry shot at her boyfriend, who just stood marveling at her actions...

[wlwtsubomi]

do u have bnha ocs? 0:

YES I DO THANK YOU FOR ASKING

akfjafkahglad throwing them all under read more bc i have,,, A Lot(TM)

i actually have a fuckin uhhhhh nextgen au?? and thats where A Majority Of Them come from??????? and i love them all id die for them

ok so like

ok so two of my Main Ones are era and takuma!!!!!!!! ft. some changed designs bc im considering revamping laylaylb bc it Kinda Sucks. 

so era is the shark one!!!!! her quirk is minor shark and its a mutant quirk that gives her vague mutations from a whitetip reef shark!!! that includes (but is not limited to) double rows of teeth, gils, some fins, enhanced smell and like, you know that thing that sharks do where they can find things from like,, those feely things from their chins?? yeah era can do that. she also tends to be more wild at night?? but it can be passed off as loopiness. since shes from a nextgen au shes the adopted daughter of kiri and baku???? her full name is bakushima era and she is like,,, just Rowdy and Easily Excited.

takuma is a more obvious nextgen kid and hes a tododeku fankid?? THOUGH in the revamp im gonna make him a todoiideku fankid with siblings bc ive always had concept for siblings for him but i was a Coward and never went through with them. his quirk is temperature control and its an emitter quirk that, when he touches something, he can adjust the temperature of an object. whenever he raises the temperature in something, the temperature of his body lowers, and vise versa. that often leads him to being cold constantly and having to bundle up his body in like a thousand jackets. its Very Relatable to me tbh. anxiety is hereditary so hes very anxious and withdrawn. he tends to be very scatterbrained and more often then not he forgets words mid-sentence and needs eras help to remember them. that leads him to repeat things a lot and quit a lot of things midway because he cant describe them. thats Also Very Relatable. his full name is midoriya takuma although in the revamp, its most likely that his name will be changed to iida-midoriya takuma

another important character to the nextgen who isnt actually a nextgen kid is siryoku karashiro (despite me often using first names as a way to refer to characters, i called him by his family name (siryoku) so frequently in laylaylb that thats just how i refer to him at this point) and hes really fun to draw. so hes kinda hard to explain without giving a lot about his backstory and eventual character arc away?? but hes from a rich family of lawyers who all have quirks that allow them to intimidate people by meeting their eyes. however, due to a recessive quirk from his moms side, he ended up having an variant of the black hole quirk. unlike thirteen, who (presumably) can channel theirs through their fingers, his is through his eyes. without a lot of practice with his quirk, he cant really control it and it often ends up being an all or nothing sort of trump card. siryokus very socially awkward and often has a hard time keeping up with extroverted people like ame and era. he also tends to miss expressions and figures of speech. but other than that, hes very earnest and despite his fumbles, wants to help others

while takuma era and siryoku are the Main Trio, takuma and era are also in another trio alongside ame, full name uraraka ame. shes a tsuchako fankid who really likes wearing christmas sweaters in the middle of summer. a part of this generations “big 3″ ame is a third year and an intern under thirteen. her quirk is zero gravity, inherited directly from ochako. shes very caring, and the “big sister” of the group if you will. she tries to help people as much as she can, and is the role model of both era and takuma. she is very energetic though, but she misses a lot of social cues and can as such be seen as pushy or overbearing. 

while she hasnt appeared a lot yet in either my comics or in laylaylb, another character who will end up being important is kyousou hansha!!!! she will be (eventually) the vice president of their class and has been shown to be very driven, determined, and almost judgemental. she hasnt come with the intention of befriending people who dont come up to her standards, though what exactly those standards are is currently unknown. (i know it though) all thats currently known is that she often knows how to take charge of a situation with a very analytical point of view, and that perhaps thats what helped her land a recommended spot into ua. (who recommended her and what her quirk is hasnt been officially shown, though if you look through my blog, im p sure i mentioned it at one point)

this is a very bad drawing, because kazankawa (full name kazankawa atsui) is one of my favorite characters to draw (without coloring because her details is hard for me to color) and has one of my favorite character designs out of my bnha ocs. her quirk is volcano, and its a mutant quirk that almost makes herself like a living volcano. however, she cant ‘erupt’. her skin literally has cracks around where it folds the most, so think at the joints of her fingers and in her elbow. it also has cracks below her eyes. the cracks are filled with lava, though it is purely stationary. she gives off heat and can produce smoke from her mouth (though she doesnt know it yet). she is also able to throw up lava, but thats just kinda gross. she comes across as level-headed, chill, and sleepy almost all the time. however, once she gets riled up or in the battle field, she becomes more wild and reckless.

some other characters and wow isnt this a great drawing, is the houkai squad. i dont have an official name for their group, but they have a really fun dynamic to write. houkai genki (the middle one in the screenshot) is the one that this entire group revolves around, because they are the one who taigun and kuroiya are around for. they have an emitter quirk called emp, which is. an emp. yeah. its,, self explanatory. some people think theyre slick, but really, theyre kinda just really stupid and has no self restraint. 

taigun kisaki (the leftmost) is literally the groups voice of reason and impulse control. her quirk is literally the most terrifying quirk ive ever come up with and its an emitter quirk that lets her control the bees. fuck you vigilantes i made it up before i knew you made a character with a similar quirk. shes by all means an extrovert, but has very thin patience and is constantly done by the shenanigans of this god forsaken group.

kuroiya fumukoi was actually the third bnha oc i designed, and was originally supposed to be a very withdrawn softspoken character. but as i wrote laylaylb, she was changed to an enabler of houkais, with just vaguely more intelligence than houkai, but instead of doing things out of sheer stupidity, more out of just ballsy-ness. her quirk is called shadow step and allows her to travel through shadows. it often leaves her hungry, so a lot of times she can be caught munching on something.

some other characters are the rest of the big 3!!! i love them a lot. like,, listen i would die for them. besides ame, theres suiro takara, the one on the right, and her quirk is crystal channel?? shes an intern under aoyama and can channel her own energy into crystals on her body (which is why she wears so many necklaces) in the form of lasers. shes constantly tired and stressed and honestly really offput by ame. ames excited and loud personality is a bit too much for her, so she tends to lash out or act cold. then theres yasuyou natsuki, the middle, whos quirk is flame body. her bodys literally a fire. as a result, all of the the third years had to be made extra fire durable outfits and gym uniforms to withstand being worn or coming into contact with her. ame has a crush on her, though yasuyou isnt aware of it. yasuyou is dense but upbeat, not interacting with ame a lot because theyre in different classes. (ame is in 3-a while yasuyou is in 3-b). also, ame, idk about u, but idk how ur gonna smooch fire.

of course there is A Lot of other characters from laylaylb that i wont write bc i dont have the screenshots or drawings on hand or bc they havent been revealed or i dont have the energy to explain all about the background characters

BUT

i DO have a non-laylaylb bnha oc and i dont have a name or set design for her yet but ive been stewing over the idea of her quirk for the LONGEST time

so basically shes a support student whos quirk is balance. its an emitter/mutant kinda quirk that gives her impeccable balance and things that she touches the same balance as well. it comes in handy when walking/maneuvering with things in her hands, and allows her to stack things without the fear of them fall over. think about that one sasuke figurine that could balance anything on its head and think ‘what if that was a quirk’

she isnt keen on sharing her ideas with others, though when she does, its often for critique. she has an odd sense for knowing when people lie to her about their opinions, and prefers brutal truth. perhaps its because thats how she is-- overly blunt and bad at determining which things are and arent right to tell to someones face. 

i could see her getting along with hatsume

[elytrafemme]

hello and hi! it’s me the sleepy/tired annon again (gonna be honest i didn’t expect to find the urge/want to send another ask as to not be a bother, but alas here i am)

i have to say that cough syrup has an unfortunate iron grip on my brain! or maybe a fortunate one, i could always use things to think about! however i have two weeks of finals and eocs and all assorted tests awaiting me so maybe i shouldn’t have filled my brain right before then but oh well!!!! i’m here now and i’m having a blast

i swear reading it has felt like a reeeeally good dream or something which is probably because i spent a whole night and day dedicated to it. 

and my brain will now forever associate cough syrup with the fic so yay! ye

i just keep thinking and stuff and how one of these chapters the bubble will pop… like cs!ranboo is gonna have to talk about things and a whole lotta truth is gonna have to be thrown around. but i know that it’s gonna have to probably get worse before that point is reached.

but i’m also thinking about how i can’t wait for more cs!beeduo moments of any variety because i’m jus brain dead and they are my new blorbos and every time they interact i cry (internally)

and i’m just so hyped and i know there isn’t much here about like coherent thoughts on characters or plot lines but i’m bad with words like that so you get incoherent screaming instead.

look i used to be the bomb dot com in english class but now my brain is so full of fog i just giggle and go “ha the characters are charactering”

however i am going to try and draw some scene from the fic soon me thinks, i just need to decide which one and also make a crap ton of doodles to make coherent character designs.

i’m also hyped for the next chapter, whatever it may be! i’m also thinking i’m going to read your 30 days smp fic soon i just should probably process cough syrup and finish testing first

yea!

i’m also thinking of rereading and taking notes on some things that i like and stuff (which i usually do with fics i really like) ya know, trying to keep the english skills alive here and actually process the story beyond rushed reading and stuff. 

your writing is just super good it’s like the kind where i’m reading and my brain completely forgets everything around me and i look up like what in the world this is a story??? in my phone??? huh???? yea it’s amazing

anyway have a good day! maybe i’ll be back to scream after the next update or somethin! and good luck on whatever tests you have coming up! (i hope that doesn’t sound weird i just remember seeing a post from ya mentioning that you have a test or something) ye! 

SLEEPY TIRED ANON MY FRIEND! never worry about being a bother i literally love asks so much holy shit i am always here if u wanna chat :D

HELP SHAKING UR HAND cough syrup cannot be what my brain is fixating on when i have like six exams coming up yet here we are. i'm genuinely so so glad u like it though :D hopefully its uhhh more convenient to enjoy in the summer LMFAO (which will be when the big plot stuff moreso happens >:3c)

YEAHHHHHHH eventually cs!ranboo is going to reach his breaking point and MAN i hope i can execute that the way i want to because i have so many plans and i like. i want to make sure i nail the reveal very well. hope that i do a good job with everything :]

never worry, u will be seeing some cs!beeduo... soon! very soon in fact :D

"look i used to be the bomb dot com in english class but now my brain is so full of fog i just giggle and go “ha the characters are charactering”" this might be the funniest fucking sentence ive ever read i was not expecting this it got a loud laugh out of me JKFSHDHDSF

oh yeah no rush with the 30 day fic, lungs has a lot less frequent of an update schedule and i've gathered that it's a lot more bearable to stay caught up with since it's fairly shorter as well, at least right now. so yeah absolutely if u want to check that out (which btw !!!!! thank U :D) then you can hold off. im... actually postpoining POSTING a chapter cos of exams LMFAO so like. so so fairs of u

OH MY GOD IF U DRAW ART ILL CRY /POS if u need like my character references doc i can! rb it yeah :D but yes yes yes i would love that but also 0 pressrue! and no worires about coherency these asks mean the world to me already so like no worries about needing to be More coherent or anything, just whatever u want :D

doesn't sound weird at all, i actually really appreciate the well wishes!!! thank you SO much for your kindness :D excited to see u maybe on tuesday >:3c

[undermised]

HEARTBLOOD

Chapter 2 – part 2 – morning rest

Morning : 2 :28 am 6/*/20**

“….dust is taking so long..” zeffer was fully healed and on that hour ,he started to feel hungry. He fixed his borrowed clothes and peeked out the door if anyone was around .”now where’s the kitchen…” he walked slowly since he’s still feel sleepy.

“are you master Dust’s partner? “zeffer was greeted by a maid. ”ah, I’m just wanted to eat something , that’s all. do you know where the kitchen is..?”he just stood there waiting for an answer.

“oh, no worries. You can just stay in your room if you’re too tired to move. i’ll bring the food to you.”she politely answer back to zeffer .he doesn’t want to ask the maid to bring anything for him because it might give it away that he’s a fairy. “oh, why not? This reptile didn’t get paid for nothing” the maid questioned zeffer . “a-a reptile?” zeffer walked back abit since most reptile hunted him before. “oh! I’m a crocodile! Sorry , I got excited every time I introduce my species to another .my tail got cut by humans before and its not gonna heal back, so sad..” she pouts her face on her hand.

“sorry for bothering , but I’m afraid its your nap time ,honey. ”dust was behind zeffer while telling the maid to just leave them alone for a while. zeffer just stood there ,blushing since dust just called him Honey. ”oh, sure, master. Ask me if you both need anything!”she walked away while smiling back at the both of them. “you need to stay in my room if you don’t want to get caught. Im not gonna help you if you litteraly got caught by nightmare, so this is a warning. let’s go back. Im gonna give you something.”

Zeffer was a bit confused about what he said about giving him something,he ignores the curiosity and just follow his orders. “so, how’s the meeting I guess..?”zeffer politely asked dust with a curious face. “nah, its just an old friend. He just wanted to see me, that’s all. oh by the way,why did you go out? I told you to say in the room.”

“i…was hungry,that’s all. That’s why I was trying to find the kitchen .please don’t hurt me again..” zeffer stutters a bit, nervously waiting for his answer. “hurt you? Nah,you’re still not fully healed.plus it’s my fault for not giving you anything to munch before I left .c’mon , I have some fruits left in the fridge in my room.”dust grabbed zeffer’s waist, forcing him to go back to dust’s bed room.while walking back,zeffer started to feel sleepy again. he rested on dust’s shoulder. “sorry… I feel tired again…” he yawned and slowly closed his eye. “hey don’t go to sleep yet ,u fuck. you’re hungry too. by the way, I made porridge for you also .don’t worry, I made it 100% killing free. you don’t want it to get cold now , do you?”

“….sure…”he yawned once more and kept walking until they reach back to the room.

“you go sit on the right side of the bed, I’ll bring the porridge.” dust ordered zeffer. Zeffer immediately sit down since he almost fell from being too tired. dust brought back the porridge that he mentioned before. The dish was been served on a silver platter. this kinda shows that he might be rich or something for having a mansion and maids to take care to the place.

“sorry that this isn’t presentable enough ,I was in a hurry.” he apologize for zeffer. zeffer started to think that he’s been raised by a wealthy family for saying such thing as ‘presentable’ to a creature that lives in a freaking enchanted forest . “n-no it’s ok, Im just gonna eat it anyways. don’t worry about it…”zeffer quickly replied nicely to dust. “…heh .don’t think im always gonna act nice to you .i’m still gonna cut your wings off clean if you want to live longer .now, open your small mouth.” Zeffer was scared for a second about dust is still going to cut his wings, but at least he actually knew what’s coming for him. He opened his mouth and let dust fed him.he never taste porridge before since there’s not that many fairies he know can cook stuffs like these.

“is it hot? “dust asked zeffer.

“n-no.. it’s just really warm but I don’t mind it.” zeffer replied. “yeah, I kinda guessed that you never have warm foods like these. ”dust replied back with a calmer tone than before. “oh yeah, you eat first. I’ll bring some fruits for you as a desert .my glass water is beside you if you want it.” Dust gave the bowl of porridge to zeffer and walked to the fridge , which it’s beside the closet that the clothes dust gave came from .zeffer continue eating the porridge.

Then suddenly

*knock knock*

__________________________

Hnghhhhhhhh finally finish this part.giving u guys a heads up, probably going to draw the arts for this story on traditional later on.

Btw , for some reason i cant save this image with its full size.so i have to small it down.

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[queenviolist-blog]

Adeline’s Story

Adeline’s Story

Life is like a crazy amusement park ride. It has its ups and downs. The joys, sorrows, and everything in between. With every decision, or lack of, your life changes. There is a quote I once read, it said You are always one decision away from a totally different life. The thing is.. With Adeline, I never had a choice.

           I had always wanted to have three kids. When we played “House” at school and even at home, I gathered three baby dolls and said I would be a mommy to three babies. I don’t know why, but three just seemed like a good number. As I got older, I ended up having two of the three kids I wanted. But not who I wanted them with. The guy I married was one of the biggest mistakes of my life and I was glad to have that part of my life behind me. When I first found out I was pregnant, I called the baby “Lil Seed” cuz it was my little love seed, and was about the size of a seed at the time. Then the Hatchimal craze started. My kids were crazy about those things. After being exposed to that term on a daily basis, trying to acquire one, I decided to call the baby Hatchimal because after all, it was a creature that had not yet hatched lol. I had a “regular” pregnancy and besides the extended morning sickness (until the eighteenth week), I felt like everything was fine. Up until my anatomy scan, everything was fine. I was good, and baby was good. I didn’t find out the gender of my first two until they were born, so at the anatomy scan I initially declined to know, but later asked the ultrasound technician to put it in an envelope in case I wanted to do anything later. This is the first time I felt like something was “off” The tech was very concerned with the placenta and the umbilical cord. She left the room to go talk to the doctor. After the doctor came in, I was informed that I had what was called a Velamentous Cord Insertion. This is basically where the cord does not attach to the placenta as it should (in the middle), but mine had attached on the side and had a portion of blood vessels exposed. I was explained that it wasn’t a big deal, but that it may lead to a growth restricted baby in some cases. Otherwise, it didn’t present a danger until delivery, where the cord may be prone to rupture during childbirth and the baby may bleed out.  Of course, they didn’t tell me all that. I read most of that info online. I couldn’t stop thinking about that. I felt like as if a death warrant was issued with my daughter’s name. The next few prenatal visits were uneventful. I discussed my dropping iron levels. Wondered how Anemic I would get. It was nothing new, I was anemic on and off. I always worried about the umbilical cord. That thought was in the back of my mind. But time and time again, I was assured I was fine. I learned that Hatchimal was in the 25th percentile for her weight. Normally, babies should be in the 50th percentile. Not too big, not too small. I was told that since I was petite, my baby was small too. This is why I hardly showed. I tested slightly higher than normal for my one hour glucose test. I blamed it on the cereal and milk I had the morning of the test. I had forgotten to fast, so I ate a small bowl of cereal. I was scheduled to take the three-hour glucose test in late March just to assure that I didn’t have gestational diabetes. I can’t remember at what point, but curiosity got the best of me one day and I opened the envelope and saw the ultrasound pics. At the end, I read “It’s a Girl!” on a pink sticky note. I was ecstatic. I wanted a girl soo bad. I had two already and a third one would fit right in. I don’t know why but the thought of having a boy made me shiver. I couldn’t see myself as a “boy mom.”

I remember the day of March 28th. It started like any other. I took the girls to school and then came home looking for energy. I picked up the girls from school and decided to take them to the pool after school. They swam around happily. I reluctantly got in because the water was really cold. I hate being cold. I noticed that Hatchimal was more sluggish than usual. Normally, this baby would kick me HARD when she was hungry. I wasn’t even hungry yet and she would be moving in there. I would feel her knees and elbows. As soon as I ate, she would calm down. She showed me who’s boss. But on this day, I figured she was sleepy. After washing her baby clothes in Dreft, and sorting them by size and putting them away, I laid down in bed. It was 1030pm when Delilah came and jumped into bed with me to tell me goodnight. I scolded her for being up an hour and a half after her bedtime but still hugged her and rubbed her head. She asked me if she was gonna be a good sister, and I said she was. She told me she would help feed her and give her the green soothie paci and love her so much. At that point, I felt Hatchimal move. I asked if Delilah wanted to feel and she agreed. She put her had on where Hatchimal had moved and Delilah’s face lit up. I sent her to bed. As she left I got an overwhelming feeling of sadness. It came out of nowhere. It kind of freaked me out. I rubbed my stomach and told her to go to sleep too. I feel asleep about thirty minutes later.

I woke up on March 29th to go use the restroom. I noticed I had really bad back pain. I got myself ready because I had the extended glucose tolerance test. Yuck. I hauled ass on Bloomingdale and made it there 6 mins late. Lovely. I hate Bloomingdale traffic. I was poked before taking the sugary drink. I thought “Ok. One of four pokes done” I took the drink, and sat down. They alternated the arms for the blood draws. Four in total. The last test I winced when the needle went in. I remember an ultrasound pic where Hatchimal was wincing. I wondered if I looked as cute as her wincing. I laughed, but thought “I will get pricked however many times I need to as long as you’re healthy Hatchimal” I went to eat at a smoothie place. Ate a sandwich and a smoothie. It was then that I realized I hadn’t felt her move at all that day. I googled it and it said that glucose tests have different effects on babies. I thought it was odd bc I figured that all that sugar would of made her hyper and not sluggish. It wasn’t until 3pm that day that I was laying in my couch that I thought, Have I felt her move? I called my OBGYN and they advised me to go to L&D. I decided to wait because I was soo tired from the testing and didn’t want to take the drive to TGH. I laid there thinking she was asleep anyway, and I think I dozed off too. About 9pm, I decided to go to L&D. I had Braxton Hicks contractions but it was normal due to me being a few days shy of 8 months. I sat in her closet and played with a clear marble that I found on the carpet. I pretended like it was a fortune telling ball. I finally gathered my purse and keys and left. I got there and they recognized my because I had been there four days prior due to feeling “shitty” I wanted a blood transfusion but they said my levels weren’t low enough. I changed into a gown and waited for the nurse. She came in and put the blue strap on and located my heartbeat right away. She then grabbed the pink strap and put it on my stomach. Nothing. She moved it around and nothing. She said that it was maybe bc of how the baby was sitting. She put more gel and moved it around. Nothing. Silence. I felt my face get hot and my heartbeat thump in my neck. Loudly. She left saying that she wanted to get an ultrasound machine to get a better look. She came in with the ultrasound tech. They put more gel, and started the machine. At this point, I have tears welding up in my eyes. To say I was terrified was an understatement. They put the wand over my belly and I saw her. Right away I knew she was gone. I saw her chest and no flickering of her lil heart. They moved the wand around. More people came in. I looked at the Tech’s face. She was biting her inner cheek. I could tell. Her eyelids flickered. Unlike my daughter’s heart. She bit her lips. Pressed them. Then someone else took over. They told me to turn to my side. Then back to my back. By now I have tears running down my face. Finally, after what seemed forever, and after a room full of specialists, the older woman said. “Im sorry. There is no heartbeat” Just like that. No heartbeat. I was stunned. It took a second to scream “Noooooo..My baby” and they all said they were sorry for my loss. I yelled “My baby CANT be gone” I lost it. I cried so hard I had eve liner and mascara all over my face and gown. I told them this was the fourth baby that I lost, and a nurse started crying. They all left one by one until the original nurse asked me what I wanted to do. I could go home and sleep and then come back in the morning after I was rested and ready. Can you believe that? First of all, I wouldn’t of been able to sleep at home knowing my sweet baby was gone. Second, I would of never been “ready” to say goodbye. How do you say goodbye to someone you have never said Hello to? I said I had to go home and get a few things and I would be back within the hour. I left. When I got home, I realized that all along, I had had premonitions and feelings like something had been off. That was maybe why I wanted to get my hospital bag ready with such urgency. Why I felt like I was running out of time, even though I knew that I had eight more weeks. I sat in Hatchimal’s walk in closet. I grabbed the marble that was still on the floor. I looked at all the boxes of diapers she had. The bathtub. Her soaps and lotions. Bottles. Her clothes. I didn’t even know what to take to the hospital. Should I pack clothes? A pacifier? She was gone but what if I wanted to take a picture with a pacifier in her mouth. Then I wondered what she would look like. She was gone. Would she look different than a live baby? I had never seen a dead baby before. I gathered what I thought I would need and left back to the hospital. It seemed so surreal. Going past downtown. Knowing that it was a one-way trip for her. Once I got back to the hospital I grabbed all my stuff. My photography equipment. My purse. Robe. And a makeshift diaper bag with her stuff. I was moved to the Labor and Delivery rooms instead of their L&D triage. They started an IV and put me on Cervadil, which is a labor inducing drug. I tried to get some sleep because besides the Braxton hicks contractions. My body wasn’t ready to let her go.

It was March 30th now. I tossed and turned. Couldn’t sleep. Got 30 mins of sleep. I felt the contractions but they were mild. I spent the whole day waiting. Waiting for the medicine to do its job, and make me contract. Waiting to meet my sleeping angel. I labored and waited.

March 31st made its arrival. It was 9am and the four doses of Cervadil had no effect on me.  Was it possible my subconscious was telling my body to fight it off? I wanted to stay pregnant forever. To have my baby with me. I was still in denial. I was placed on Pitocin since they wanted to speed things along. They gave me the strongest dose they could give. It brought my contractions to 2-3 minutes apart. I was starting to finally feel them. Savages. Just like that, I went from having no pain to moderate pain. I wanted to be as alert and awake as I could be for when my baby got here. I declined an epidural. I never had one, and I figured I never will. Around 1030am I started feeling unbearable pain. I inquired about pain relief that didn’t involve an epidural. They suggested nitrous oxide. It was quick. Easy and the drowsiness wore off a minute or two after I took the mask off. I agreed. It didn’t get rid of the pain but “took the edge off” so I was content. I was checked and was barely at 3cm dilated. The pain quickly came in waves. I looked at my phone and saw that I had 5 seconds of where the pain would build up. 30 seconds of sheer excruciating pain. 5 seconds of the paid going away and 20 seconds of relief. I looked forward to those 20 seconds. I wondered why this was more painful than what I remembered. The only difference was that it was an induced birth, and induced births hurt more bc of the synthetic drugs. Also, she was breech. She was butt down and her head was up. Basically, sitting on my cervix. Her feet in her face like always. At around 11am, I was screaming in pain. The laughing gas did its job for 30 mins but was no longer effective. I was barely 3cm so the nurse suggested something in the IV to put me to sleep since I had to reach until 10cm. I did say yes or no just kept crying. I wanted the pain to stop. At 11:10 she came in with the drug and put it in the IV. I was barely feeling the effects of the coldness coming in through the IV. I was still in pain. I lifted my head and I felt a pop and my water break. (I had never had my water break with the other two; they broke it for me minutes before their birth). I felt a gush of warm fluid come out as well as immediate relief. She was half out. Within my next contraction a few seconds later, she was out. I saw the shock in the nurse’s face. She said, “But you were 3cm dilated!!” She called a code and suddenly the room was filled with specialists. The room was so silent. No cries. No gasps for air. It was a reverent moment. She was finally here. Born at 11:15am. I tried to keep my eyes open but I was very disoriented. I was dizzy and tired. I immediately regretted taking the IV drugs. But who knew that five minutes later I would have her? The things with drugs are, that not just because the baby is born do they stop working. I remember a nurse coming over and saying about something about the umbilical cord. I heard the word “knot”, and “base of her belly” I blacked out.

When I woke up, I was handed her by the nurse with such care. I was still very drowsy and disoriented. I took her carefully. She was perfect. I didn’t cry. I just stared at her. Looking at ever feature. Her eyelashes. Her nose. Her long fingers. Long arms and legs. Tiny toes. I smiled because her beauty blew me away. She had curly hair!! (Mine and the girls are straight hair) I kissed her and just looked at her. The nurse took pictures. They asked me her name. Adeline. Her name was Adeline Yesenia. We had picked the name that same morning. She was no longer Hatchimal. She was now Adeline Yesenia born on March 31st, 2017 at 11:15am weighing 3lbs and 2oz and 17” in length. I was proud.

That day went by fast. I slept most of that afternoon. I was still drugged. Exactly what I didn’t want to happen. I hated that part of my decision. Nurses were in and out checking my temperature and blood pressure. I had extensive bloodwork done. I wondered how much blood they had taken. I felt weak. My friend Gloria came to visit me. I love her. My mom and sister came as well. Even Monsignor Diez came to see me. I will never forget the uplifting conversation we had. I had my baby Baptized. Her baptism was beautiful. I recorded it. I felt like my duties as her mother were satisfied. She was the newest member of the catholic faith. My mom and sister were her Godmothers. I took lots of photos with my own equipment. I also requested a photographer to come in. She was inexperienced, was only there for two months. Nonetheless, I wanted as many pics as I could because I would never see the chance to see her grow up, and photographer as much as I would have liked. I chose a package. I went to sleep for the night.

April 1st, I wanted as much time with my baby as possible. I spend the day changing her outfits and photographing her. I It wasn’t until 8pm that they were ready to discharge me. I had already made preliminary plans for funeral arrangements. I did not want to leave. I wanted to leave with her in my arms. I wanted what every mother wants when they give birth. I wanted my baby home with me. As the time was approaching, I grew more emotional. I was dreading it. I laid with her, Looked at her. Tried to remember her. I didn’t want to forget her. I looked at her curly hair again. Oh, that hair. I kissed her cold little hands. She smelled like Baby Magic. The original one. I looked at her tiny fingerprints. She made a huge impression on me. She left her print in this world. I finally wrapped her in her blanket and put her in the bassinet. Then I was taken by wheelchair out. Leaving behind a piece of my heart. A part of me. I remember the ride home. I felt so empty. There was a truck in front of us with baby feet and angel wings. That baby had passed away at 2 months. How horrible.  I got home and I was greeted by my neighbor and mom. They stayed with me for a bit, then they left. I started shaking uncontrollably. I think I was moaning or grunting. I couldn’t stop. It was like spasms or chills. I don’t know. I went to bed and kept hallucinating. I thought I saw demons amongst the shadows. At one point, I gasped. I fell asleep quickly. I woke up to cold chills, then night sweats. That lasted about a week. I had nightmares. When I was awake, I was too sick to get out of bed. The thing with the body is that it doesn’t know that your baby died. My breast got engorged fast. That was painful. I was so sore. I decided to pump. I had two pumps that were waiting to be used. So, I used them. I felt a lil better. I pumped for about a week. It helped me feel better. I refused to go back to the ER for my fevers. My daughter was at the morgue in the same hospital. Plus, going back would bring too many memories of days prior. I spend the first few days planning Adeline’s funeral.

I ended up having her funeral services on April 7th. Ironically, that was the day I had made an appointment to go back to Meet A Baby to see her “one last time” before she came into this world. I did see her “one last time” but at the funeral home. Not what I was expecting. During the viewing, I took her out of her casket. I wanted to hold her and kiss her one last time. I stayed up there talking to both priests Father Eugene and Father Diez. We had her funeral service and then went out to bury her. I think I was in so much shock that I couldn’t cry. When it was over, I got home and just reflected on her short life. Eight months. From the time, she was created (Yay. Happy Birthday to me!) to when I laid her to rest, it felt like it was too short. My due date was Memorial Day. May 29th, 2017. She never made it. The next few weeks were a blur. Fighting for my benefits I was entitled to. Darn insurance companies. All those years paying my premium. I learned that (Pending the Autopsy Report) Adeline passed away due to an umbilical cord accident by “Hyper-coiled Umbilical Cord” causing fetal hypoxia. Basically, she spun around in there so many times that the umbilical cord couldn’t withstand the torsion and she passed away due to asphyxiation because her blood and oxygen supply were compromised. The Velamenous Cord Insertion did restrict her growth and she had more room to move around in there. Who knew that the cord that were supposed to extend life from me to my child is what failed her. That lifeline, and bond is what ended her life. Have you’ve ever wondered how fragile life really is? It’s extremely fragile. Adeline taught me to appreciate life. Never take it for granted. To laugh until you cry, and cry until you can no longer. She taught me to love unconditionally. She taught me to trust God more than I ever knew. And to look forward to the next day. Because another day gone, is another day closer I am to seeing her again. So, no.. I had no choice to see her go. If it were up to me, I would have wanted her here. I would have given my last breath in exchange to see her take her first. I had no choice to feel this heartbreak, but the choice I did have was to look at the bright side in life. Because, I believe, that is what she would have wanted. I love you Adeline. Thank you for everything.