#maybe after this weekend ill get around to actually posting what im missing and expanding on existing posts and linking them in my fics

[mrs-luigi-vargas]

Tonight on 'things I am doing instead of going to bed when I should be (10:30pm)': beefing up the Writer's Commentaries on my Dreamwidth

[melodyatlas]

i know about the dating aspect but very little about the actual plot of the actor au show

what's it about?

ah see, the reason you don't know about the shows plot is bc,, ,, , neither do i

no, but honestly the original idea was for it to be a drama that centers around batman and the robins with the starting point either being when damian has already shown up, or perhaps right when tim is about to take the mantle so there can be the drama of damian showing up and making it a seasonal arc for him to integrate

the thought process in skipping over dick and jasons times as robin was simply logistics, i want a decent cast already there and established, but not too big of a cast so it can expand into later seasons

i also wanted the show to be a pick and choose of canon events, kind of a patchwork of things in various canons that i like or just find interesting, so the plots would be similar to certain comics but not necessarily the same (i haven't worked out any real timeline past a few notable events)

and that's about the only thing i rly thought of the show itself bc my brain was a little more focused on the actors rather than the characters. but since you've asked this i can't get it out of my head, toying with various ideas based on major dramas from our world

is it an insane run that lasts way after it should have died and has genuine cultural effects like supernatural? since i skipped over so much backstory does that get included as flashbacks a la the Lost format or more interspersed flashbacks? hell, do they release tie in novels or comics for the fans who latch onto dick or jason and want real stories from when they were robin beyond the necessary flashbacks for storytelling purposes?

i think ive officially decided the show starts out with tims origin, so damian wouldn't show up until season 2 or 3 (logistically it makes more sense to wait until s3 but it makes me sad to have him missing for 2 seasons lmao, so ill circle back to that)

this way we have a decent sized starting cast but not so large that we'd have to kick people off screen to make space for the characters that come later. this means ill actually make jasons debut as red hood is the main plot point for the first season, there's no pit madness here, and things definitely won't play out the exact same as the comics (though you wont catch me changing much about utrh here, just adjustments to make it more of a tv show thing) i will elaborate about this arc Very Soon cause im giving myself all sorts of ideas right now

and this got a little away from me lmao, ill be posting more details hopefully some time this weekend now that ive been giving it more thought 😂 (no actual writing yet tho as i have to wait for my temp computer to get that done, just more of my rambling like this 😅 and maybe some bullet point lists lmao)

[wanderchyld]

Final PBIO/IOTNBO analysis and theory

This post is my final analysis and includes some questions I have as we go into the final weekend of one of the best dramas in history. It is VERY long as I consolidate and expand on my previous analysis and theories.

I also lost a big chunk of this post while I was working on the draft just a few hours before posting, resulting to this post as a little inconsistent. Excuse me if my points are messy and some points missing with some issues untouched (because I forgot 😭). I think most points can be linked back to my past theories so you can read up on them if you haven’t.

List of my theories before ep 14:

Do Heejae and the other woman

Moonyoung’s background and Go Daehwan

Head Nurse is NOT Do Heejae, she’s the previous housekeeper

Maybe Head Nurse really is Do Heejae

As usual, please note that anything I quote may be a mix of Netflix’s subs and my translation because I know Korean and Netflix tends to miss nuances sometimes.

Firstly, Park Ok Ran’s dead.

Let’s get this out of the way first. (You can read my first theory on her role in this whole saga.)

“She can’t come anymore.”

Can’t have her exposing Park Haengja. Or plot twist: she is alive and returns to save the trio from the villain 😆

No one’s memory is reliable

Not Kangtae’s as established in ep 6 that he didn’t remember his mother brought them to eat jjamppong because he’s the one who liked it, not Sangtae.

Not Sangtae’s. In spite of his good memory, it was established in ep 10 that he didn’t remember Kangtae saving him, so his memories can be flawed as well.

Therefore, not Moonyoung’s, and definitely not Go Daehwan’s.

There are few things that we can be sure because they are concurrent:

There was a female body in the basement that was disposed or disappeared.

The murderer of Taetae Bros’ mother wore Moonyoung’s mother’s a one-of-a-kind brooch.

There was a body in the reservoir.

Taetae Bros’ mother was the new housekeeper (I saw that some people disagree but here are the supporting screenshots).

There were definitely two women

My theory that there were 2 women in Moonyoung’s family still stands and I’m expanding on it.

Let’s look at the family photos first. There are multiple versions of the family photo, and I suspect they were taken at different times. Here they are in what I think is the chronological order.

1) Photo in the basement: Go Daehwan had full-rimmed glasses, Moonyoung wore a scarf and stood closer to him with his hand on her shoulder, and the lady wore a fully black high neck top with the brooch on the right.

Before the family moved in, on the day Go Daehwan showed the lady around the house, he was wearing the full-rimmed glasses, and the house looked lived in (fully furnished, fully decorated, shelves full). 

2) Go Daehwan’s photo: Go Daehwan had half-rimmed glasses, Moonyoung stood right in the middle and without the scarf, and the lady wore a blazer over a straight neckline blouse with the brooch on the right.

3) Park Haengja’s photo seems to be the same as Moonyoung’s: Go Daehwan with half-rimmed glasses, can’t tell whether Moonyoung was wearing a scarf or not but she sat nearer to the lady who wore the same blazer over a straight neckline blouse without the brooch.

Go Daehwan had half-rimmed glasses when he realised his wife killed Taetae Bros’ mother.

Photos are evidences of relationships. In a group photo, the people who are closer would pose closer to each other. These family photos tell us that Go Daehwan and Moonyoung were actually close, and showed us the progression of Moonyoung’s relationship with the woman.

But why were multiple photos taken? If they were the same woman, why are they still hiding the woman’s face in the photos?

When Go Daehwan killed his wife, he said, “If I die, my daughter will become a monster like you.”

Why was it “my daughter” and not “our daughter?” It’s even odder for Koreans because being a very collectivist society, they don’t claim people or objects as mine. They say “our country,” “our father,” “our daughter” to show unity even when they actually mean “my country,” “my father,” “my daughter.”

Moonyoung insisted she’s an orphan. Technically, when one biological parent dies, the child is an orphan (single orphan). So perhaps Moonyoung’s not wrong. And as explored in my second theory post, she might have been referring to her biological mother. The abusive woman was probably her stepmother.

Go Daehwan told Director Oh that his wife loved Moonyoung “terribly. Very terribly,” and we have Moonyoung who doesn’t want a child to not get jealous over Kangtae’s affection. Judging by the family photos (Moonyoung posing closer to the woman each time), perhaps the stepmother was jealous of the father-daughter relationship and became obsessed with Moonyoung.

Would a child be afraid of their parent because they didn’t want to be hated? I was just afraid my mother would scold me (which was a lot). Right, we can argue that her mother was abusive, but this is something to think about.

Park Haengja: stepmother and crazy aunt

Bluebeard the French folklore, which ep 6 was based on, is about a man who married several times as he killed his disobedient wives. According to Wikipedia, his final wife had invited her sister and others over for a party before she snuck away to explore the forbidden room. Bluebeard found out and was about to kill her on the spot when her sister and brothers arrived to kill Bluebeard.

It was also in ep 6 when Taetae Bros moved in that they specifically had a shot of the dolls in Moonyoung’s old room (the brothers’ new room). I mentioned this previously: one male doll as Go Daehwan, two female dolls in similar dresses as Moonyoung’s mother and stepmother, and one small female doll.

You can see the two dolls behind little Moonyoung in her memory of her father reading her a book.

The dolls are a representation of the Go family in the house because in ep 7, only the small female doll (Moonyoung) was left, and I think there are 2 more new figurines as Taetae Bros on that cabinet but I can’t be bothered to search for a clearer shot 😁

When Go Daehwan strangled little Moonyoung, afraid she would become like her mother, they featured one of the dolls in the shot.

The point of mentioning the dolls is: Moonyoung’s mother wore a similar dress as the dolls in most of the flashbacks.

Ep 13 was based on the Korean folklore The Story of Janghwa and Hongryeon and its popular movie adaptation The Tale of Two Sisters (2003). IOTNBO has more links to this story than “the bystander is worse than the abuser.”

In the movie, Moon Geunyoung’s character frequently dressed in floral patterns (like the dolls’ and Moonyoung’s mother’s dresses).

In both the folklore and the movie, the sisters were named after rose and lotus flowers. In the folklore, it’s the sister that died who was named after the rose flower. In the movie, it’s the surviving sister that was named after the rose flower. The rose is also a motif of Moonyoung’s mother.

The flower language of rose is love and passion. Personally, considering how Moonyoung always thought of her mother when she brushed her hair, and her love for a head pat, I think the rose also symbolises her mother’s "affection."

The movie is a story of two sisters who were abused by their stepmother so badly that one of them died. As it turns out, the remaining sister developed dissociative identity disorder (DID; the same disorder as the patient Yoo Sunhae) with two other personalities: her dead sister (Moon Geunyoung’s character) and her stepmother.

I take this as a lead that Moonyoung has a stepmother, who also happens to be her aunt obsessed with her sister. Wicked Witch of the West (WWOTW) coveted Wicked Witch of the East’s (WWOTE) ruby shoes; perhaps the aunt wanted to be in her sister’s shoes, figuratively AND literally.

Now here’s another “coincidence” from the same:

Left: Moon Geunyoung. Right: Im Soojung (sister with DID).

The story Go Daehwan read to little Moonyoung mentioned a bad wizard that wasn’t invited to the birthday party so he went to the castle.

The story Go Daehwan read to little Moonyoung mentioned a bad wizard that wasn’t invited to the birthday party so he/she went to the castle to cause trouble. 

Glinda the Good Witch of the North described WWOTW as worse than WWOTE.

Go Daehwan, who had recognition and memory impairment, said his wife has an angelic face but a devil lives within. Perhaps he remembers two persons as one.

We learnt from Sangin that 1) Do Heejae came from a prestigious family of medical professionals, 2) she dropped out of 3rd year of med school, and 3) she cut ties with everyone in her family. Could she have a sister in nursing? Could she have cut ties with her family because they cray cray (or the good old "you’ll starve with a creative career")?

Park Haengja has not claimed herself as Do Heejae, and the woman in the family photos are still covered.

Following these, we can assume that Park Haengja’s the bad witch who is neither Do Heejae nor Moonyoung’s birth mother. She’s the stepmother and crazy aunt (I cover more about the sisters in the next section).

There’s always a crazy aunt or uncle.

It’s just too easy if Park Haengja really is Do Heejae. I’d also be disappointed in the writer if she takes this route because it’s cliché villain and this is not a makjang drama with illogical plot twists. It would also be a step back from all the efforts this show has been making to dispel stigma against mental illness.

So they were sisters and...

...one of them died. In water. 

As per my first theory, the WWOTW and WWOTE are sisters in some adaptations of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. WWOTE died under a house then disappeared into thin air, and WWOTW pretended to die in contact of water but she returned disguised as a good person. Sound familiar?

The Story of Janghwa and Hongryeon is a Korean folklore of a stepmother who abused two sisters to their death. She had her biological son push Janghwa the older sister into a pond and she drowned. The remaining sister couldn’t take the abuse any longer and drowned herself in the same pond.

The song “Oh My Darling Clementine” has a few variations but here’s the traditional lyrics (I removed repeated stanzas):

Oh my darling, oh my darling Oh my darling, Clementine You are lost and gone forever Dreadful sorry, Clementine In a cavern, in a canyon Excavating for a mine Dwelt a miner, forty-niner And his daughter, Clementine Light she was and like a fairy And her shoes were number nine Herring boxes, without topses Sandals were for Clementine Drove she ducklings to the water Ev'ry morning just at nine Hit her foot against a splinter Fell into the foaming brine Oh my darling, oh my darling Oh my darling, Clementine You are lost and gone forever Dreadful sorry, Clementine Ruby lips above the water Blowing bubbles, soft and fine But, alas, I was no swimmer So I lost my Clementine How I missed her! How I missed her How I missed my Clementine But I kissed her little sister I forgot my Clementine

These stories are all about 2 sisters and dying in water. Whether they’re sisters or not, a woman died and she’s related to Go Daehwan somehow.

The Murder of the Witch of the West

Do Heejae’s novel hold huge clues. Here’s my translation of an excerpt from volume 9 shown in ep 10.

… __’s scalp skinned with a hunting knife without hesitation. The corpse’s lips sewed in a fence stitch. The body dismembered with a hand axe and thrown into the trunk. Yooyoung persistently as she watched the back of the West Witch leave unhurriedly after finishing the killing and leaving notes.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Why do you choose to kill happy people only?"

But as usual, there was no answer. Was it because of Yooyoung’s tenacity to catch the West Witch? Yooyoung always sees the West Witch at the crime scenes. A faceless woman who always observed Yooyoung work hard on finding the criminal before leaving abruptly. Yooyoung began to look at the crime scene from the criminal's perspective. Why here? Why kill by stabbing this way? As she simulates the crime, Yooyoung finds herself assimilating with the criminal. She felt a thrill from imagining that she stabbed and cut the victim. She’s getting confused. Is she a detective or a murderer?

Around the same time, a murder occurred. The West Witch mimicked a passage from The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, everything was in line with the Wicked Witch of the West, right down to the signature butterfly design. However, Yooyoung somehow felt guilty.

...

The suspect was a middle-aged woman in her 40s.

Yeah.

The misunderstanding

Othello killed his wife because he mistook his wife for committing adultery.

Romeo and Juliet mistook each other’s plan. Romeo died from drinking real poison, and Juliet faked her death before realising the mistake and killed herself with Romeo’s dagger.

Janghwa was framed and wrongfully accused by her stepmother for being unchaste. Her father believed it. When Janghwa ran away, her stepmother and stepbrother chased after her, and her stepbrother (under her stepmother’s instruction) pushed her into a pond to drown to her death.

What did Go Daehwan misunderstand? What misunderstanding did his recognition and memory impairment cause? Why was his wife being crazy but looked so shocked when he turned her around?

I do not believe that his memory of killing his wife is a complete memory because it has been mentioned multiple times that his memories are corrupted. I think it’s fragments of different memories pieced together.

What’s going on with Park Haengja?

There are a few possibilities.

Park Haengja is Do Heejae’s sister who coveted her sister’s position and grew obsessed with her sister’s novel.

Do Heejae’s Moonyoung’s biological mother and Park Haengja’s her stepmother.

OR Moonyoung’s biological mother died when she was born, Do Heejae’s the stepmother (abusive but still her mother because she raised Moonyoung), and Park Haengja’s the obsessive aunt.

She got so obsessed she came to believe she’s Do Heejae.

So obsessed she was always keeping an eye on Moonyoung to fulfil the prophecy that is the novel. ("You’re my greatest creation," and volume 3, shown in episode 10 with Park Ok Ran’s copy, has passages that describes episode 3.)

Park Haengja’s the one who killed Taetae Bros’ mother (screenshots of Do Heejae vs murderer below).

She took advantage of Go Daehwan’s cognitive impairment and instigated him to kill the real Do Heejae. She’s the one who saw Go Daehwan kill the woman and hide her in the basement.

Do Heejae wore her butterfly brooch on right, the murderer wore it on the left. Do Heejae always wore red nail polish and a gold rose ring, the murderer did not (although she could have had them removed if it’s premeditated).

Moonyoung’s mother:

Murderer:

Moonyoung’s mother:

Murderer:

Clearly Do Heejae didn’t wear her brooch all the time, so it would have been easy to steal the brooch. However, Do Heejae wore her ring all the time, so Park Haengja can only get the ring after she dies and "truly” become Do Heejae.

End.

I think I recovered most of my points but they’re still feel incomplete 😭

Let me know your thoughts 😊

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 83, 84

Didnt post for awhile cause I needed to get some thoughts straight in my head. Idk if i could get them totally straight and i dont even know whether i will ever be able to get them to but its okay i think. I mean it just comes with the baggage of life and inshaAllah I will deal with it along the way whenever it is in action. 

So theres been many thoughts coming in my head but then all of it can be connected and related to each other so its just more like one big massive ball of thoughts. I will try to mention whatever comes in my head for now. But hmppphhhh where do i start *wonders* 

Okay so i have 2 start points, ill pick the one which is currently still a thought cause the other one is kind of resolved :3 

So this is about this conversation i had with him a year ago, exactly around this time last year. I will not talk about our conversation on the internet :3 but just what it was about so that I can get to what it is in my head 

Well we werent really going through a good phase back then and once he told me something about ‘love’ & ‘duty’. Like there are things you do out of love, and there are things which are ‘duty’ but you do not love doing them but have to anyways. 

The thing is, it is kind of hard for me to understand the relation between ‘love & duty’. To be honest, i did get what he meant back then, and things were different back then (meaning, we were going out) & if not so much, but you could put what he said into context at least a little. 

But now, I just dont understand the connection, nor can i appreciate the difference between these two terms. When i say i dont understand the connection - i mean to say i dont understand it, but i believe they are more related and similar than they are different. 

When you love someone, and they mean the world to you, and you put them before yourself. You can do anything for them, to protect them, to make sure they are ok. Their happiness matters to you so much. It is so important for you - because you love them unconditionally. and also because when they are not happy, you are not happy either. So you want the best of the best for them, for their happiness,

 “and in turn - for yourself too” 

“and in turn - for yourself too” ---> this is why I dont understand this difference. You see when you love someone and you want all of that, you always wish you could do something for them. and you actually do everything “possible for you to do” for them. And when you cant, it kills you and you ‘wish’ theres something you couldve done. Now all these wishes, all these wanting to do something, all these prayers, all these urge, these pain - these are just a package. They come along when you fall in love. And they are there. 

Now in other words ^ I think i can simply say - “you feel like its your duty to take care of them, to do whatever you can for them” 

Now what is “duty”? Idk what it means front he dictionary point of view, but for me it responsibility - and responsibilities/ duties - i think i can come up with 2 types right now - one that is enforced upon you (you dont like doing, maybe) BUT then there is another one - One that you enforce upon Your. Own. Self. because of your affection for someone/ something. Now i really want to point out that there is no “pressure” here in the second one. You are doing it to yourself, technically you can snap out of it but you actually can not. YOU wont let yourself do that. YOU will bound yourself to care, to love, to worry, to act out - you believe its your responsibility.

AND there is nothing bad in it. In fact i think it is amazing! 

Why i am pointing this out is that  - this is the only way i seem to appreciate the connection between ‘love and duty’/ love vs responsibilities - I think they are are the same. atleast for ME, they are the same. So i have been trying to look deeply into it, and find out something that ive been missing out to appreciate the difference but every single attempt to do so leads me to this same concept which i just mentioned. and it is more like something being solved even before i sat down to figure it out. it all seems so simple. 

now how this plays in my daily life right now is how i always wish i could do something for him. now idk much about him obviously cause we dont communicate. but still wondering if he is okay - and worrying about him, and thinking of him - i dont need to make myself do that cause its there by default - and on top of that this tiny feeling of guilt engraved at the bottom of my heart because im aware that there is only so little or lets say nothing much at all i can do ----- that, i believe is the duty/ responsibility i was talking about. something i brought onto myself and i dont mind it at all. but this is the very same reason why i dont get the difference between love and duty at all. i dont think you have to give someone your word in order to have a responsibility towards them. I believe if you love someone, you automatically feel like its your duty to take care of them. 

At least thats how it is for me! 

so yeah, theres that. i always feel this way. everyday. I really pray that day comes soon where i can do way more than just sit and worry about him, inshaAllah

Now thats that! like i said all the thoughts are related. So now ill move onto the “fear”. Now about the fear. well 

misunderstanding and misinterpretations

misunderstanding and misinterpretations - these are always there. always. even when people ‘communicate’ they indeed fail to communicate well. Now just imagine how ‘cool’ it gets when you dont communicate - not so cool 

I mean it scares me - is something giving the wrong? anything i do, or anything i say - is it something he’d like? does it seem not right? i mean i have no intentions of hurting him or doing anything negative but it is only human nature to make assumptions - or to misinterpret something - or to misunderstand - and it is not anyones fault - because although there may be a million reasons why one could get a wrong message - one of the main ones are fear once again or being worried, or caring. 

So yeah, theres always this fear at the back of my head, trying not to be irrational. and when things are bugging me, trying to shut up, stay shuttttttt instead of acting out. because, this moment will pass, but something i express just out of current volatile mood could get to him and do i ever want that? nooo

^ so that is one of the reasons why i dont always blog. and also the same reason for this weekend drama! 

Okay so this is the other stuff i could start my post with. this is fun loll. so i still am not sure whats up but this is my solved case lol - as in what i figured out myself and think is actually what happened. so i woke up on friday and i saw one of his tweets. it seemed to me like it was the time when someone last checked into some social media. UH WELL. and yeah thats it :) that is what got in to my head. a lot of things at once actually. i guess ill just point a few -

1- someone lucky enough to get that much attention from him that hed tweet something like that. i mean its definitely not me, cause all i could think of was whatsapp and well i have the time thingy hidden there AND ALSO, honestly i never had any real conversation, like a real one where im instantly replying to someone and shit with anyone i think after we stopped talking - basically i cant communicate well with people - i feel like having a normal conversation where i sit with my phone and talk to someone and actually bother to give them instant replies is too much of commitment & no i cant put that much effort for anyone ------ so yeah, that kind of made it clearer that obviously its not me, i dont even go to whatsapp! Bleeeeeh - well yeah later i just think i figured its some other app - idk - or maybe there just is a special new person :) 

2- It just started to seem really really disturbing - how the tweet bothered me so much. I mean i have no right to get bothered. Like what am I? I mean we’re definitely not together right now. And we dont talk. And even if we were together just saying, i definitely dont want to be a creepy chic who has a problem with things like these. like, woah hold your brakes. who are you to feel bothered by stuff like these :) 

3- And then i realised that i really need to take a BIG BIG step backwards - like Breathe, honey. chill. dont let every little thing get to you. EXPAND your mind, think bigger. i mean im not thirteen anymore and this is not a teen fiction novel where teenage girls get jealous over stuff, and everything bothers them, and blabla shit. Ugh hindi movies and tv series are the same too lool. ---- Wel anyways long story short - i was just - “Training my mind and soul to just let go and think bigger”. I shouldn’t be getting bothered by things like this in his life, thats not my place right now i think! 

SO YES THATS IT - UH i finally got to jot down this stuff! Such a relieffff ~ 

So lets re-cap :3 

~ Aha, so turns out im basically always thinking about him, theres guilt wishing i could do something, theres fear hoping i dont screw up in ways im too stupid to even realize, and theres me being a little girl, but one badly in love! ~

Ok bye :)