#maybe i should go back to docs...
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okay so i found out my carrd is kinda messed up and broken. so until i figure out what is going on-- here's my muse list. based on availability or level of muse i have for them. if you don't know a muse please feel free to ask about them.
primary
hypnos ( hades / myth )
briar moon ( hsr halovian oc )
yato no kami ( onmy.oji / myth )
secondary
idia.shroud ( twst )
suzuhikohime ( onmy.oji )
request
kayn ( league / highly selective )
hanya ( hsr / plot dependent )
tang.yun ( dis.lyte / plot dependent )
triki ( dis.lyte / plot dependent )
testing / considering adding ( friends only for now )
lumen ( ar.knights )
liam ( dis.lyte )
lilia ( twst )
#𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂. / out of character#god i am so sorry guys#my tumblr is a mess...#looks llike ill be remaking my carrd anyway#sigh#i wonder if i messed up smthn with like coding or editing#im not v good at this#maybe i should go back to docs...
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doctober day 9: zipline
now ik this piece is set technically like. a minute before that happens but i just liked this sketch too much, so naturally i had to finish it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#back to the future#bttf#doctober 2023#doctober#emmett brown#doc brown#christopher lloyd#how do i tag this#WOW this is the earliest ive ever posted :0 maybe now i can work ahead for tomorrow instead of stressing aout getting smth done in a day ;w#i love docs shirt btw. fashion icon <3#(ignore the fact that the ledge should be visible. it was 3am when i finished this and i was too tired to bother LMBO)#also did some basic light(n)ing bc. how could i not#and finally: did i watch this scene on repeat while drawing this? yes. did it absolutely kill the game every time? yes sir#and DID i get emotional about marty thinking he was never going to see his friend again???? BIG FREAKING YES#anyway yeah#55 doc ily <3#and stay safe up there king !#my arts#my sketchy wip arts
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saw someone being wrong about kon on the internet again (i know. shocking) and you are all so lucky i'm sick and feverish and lazy because i DID just seriously entertain the thought of writing up a small essay complete with issue and panel citations about why it's simply incorrect to say that kon never really seemed to reciprocate any sort of crush on tim before geoff/tt03. this is just not true. you dont have to actually ship them but to downplay their importance to each other even in the earliest days is simply incorrect. i'm too tired and achy to bother digging through comics to pull up all the issues that have the bits i want to point at but like... they were both very mutually important to each other from early on. it was in no way shape or form one-sided, whether you want to read that as platonic or romantic. man.
#rimi talks#id rather put my limited energy towards the tender t4t timkonisms fic but in my heart this is a longass post#kon's sb94 alice in wonderland nightmare sequence. kon's entire Everything @ tim in issue 85.#the entire concept of robin kon?????? hello?????#the way they function as a unit so easily in yj98 even While actively bickering???#graduation day and judd winick explicitly saying he wanted them to come out of the closet [together]??#kon going out of his way to not only do bits just to annoy tim but also being protective of him at the same time?? (in yj98 again)#him wanting robin's number in wf3 (and then getting it sometime before rex leech roller coaster issue)??????#what are you fucking onnnnnnnnn#you dont have to read it as romantic if you dont want to but they were undeniably close and it was undeniably mutual. bro#i just um. i just think that if youre so internet poisoned to hate a ship that you have to deny the characters have mutual importance#to each other in the canon material (but you can't deny it from one side so you have to claim it's mostly one-sided and blame a writer)#then maybe you should um log off and reread canon ?#<- that's petty sorry but im just saying.#anyways.#returning to the timkon mines now. crawls back into my word doc
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20 days and we'll see his grabbable waist on the big screen
#i'm so ready it's all i can think about#i have to bash out a report rn and finding it very hard to concentrate#when the autistic urge to bask in rhrn excitement is so strong#5 days until i can move google scholar from its home in my bookmarks toolbar#and replace it with. actually who knows#jsfiddle gradient text code editor ksdhbckjd#maybe even google docs.........#BACK TO WORK. SORRY. LOGGING OUT#how am i supposed to focus on stroke rehabilitation when papa is imminently going to mummy thrust in hd#i should tag bc some people might be avoiding entirely actually.#the band ghost#rite here rite now
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felix being referred to more or less exclusively as "your soldier" in-game speaks to how little the writers put into his character beyond his noggin full of sith secrets & his relationship with the consular; still, i do find it kind of sweet and funny, in a way. he's not a republic soldier, not even your personal bodyguard; he's your soldier. the consular is a small nation-state in and of herself
#accurate.#felix iresso#swtor#jedi consular#open tags for My Rant:#going back through rishi and doing the cute little holocron quest got me brooding - as i often do - on my best boy felix#that the writers could not think to give him anything in KOTXX that wasn't Torture Angst is deeply shitty but a little understandable.#all the other consular comps kind of have a way forward that isn't consular-related when the consular goes away#nadia has the jedi. zenith has balmorra. tharan has his old illustrious career. qyzen has little baby clan and also his religious directive#meanwhile felix isn't involved with your order or a supergenius or a politician or even someone with a lifelong goal#he was a guy doing his best at a dead-end job that turned into a far more enjoyable but still lowkey dead-end job#i would argue they could (should) have sent him to ossus but i can see them balking because Doc was already there#that's a little narratively redundant especially bc Doc has an extremely useful set of non-martial skills you would want to center#when telling a story about survival and persistence against the odds like with ossus#(also he was in the group of companions second-closest in proximity to the emperor in base game)#HOWEVER.#because i am immensely sexy and cool and have a huge brain i think i've cracked it#the way to give felix a compelling story post-consular is to put him the fuck in charge.#no longer your soldier or anyone's. his own. maybe even in charge of a large group of people in need of someone to follow#considering he used to be really good at that#a group like...idk...maybe the rest of the people incarcerated on his prison colony?#much to think about.
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FINALLY HOME
i have been working away from home since sept 5… i know in reality it’s not that long but fuck did it feel like forever
and i get to be home for this weekend before i’m out for another 10 days 🙃 which won’t be as bad, i’m spending most of that house sitting for my mom and i love her house and pets so it should feel a little easier than contracted house sits
but man. i’m getting… 9 days at home this month. maybe 7 if i go visit my dad for a weekend
fuuuuuuuuck i need a new job
#ramble on exie#but also kind of a vent? idk#exie walks dogs#<- and needs to stop :)#my right knee is so fucked i’ve had such a long week#but tomorrow i get to have a nice hot bath and maybe go thrifting!#and also maybe go see a doctor. idk yet. i should. but i also applied for a family doc so waiting to hear back#and if i’m feeling up to it i get to go party with friends!#i may just force myself to go for a little bit even if i’m feeling a little less social… i miss those friends gotta see them at least a bit
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BYE MY DRAFT DIDNT SAVE ALL MY EDITS JUST WENT DOWN THE DRAIN IM GONNA KMSJFJKFJFJ
#t13#maybe i should write on google docs instead of tumblr..#okay so this is going to set me back at least a week😭😭#i type on my phone and sometimes ipad#and today i checked my ohone#and i was like wait why is this part at first#AND I REALIZED MY EDITS FROM LAST NIGHT ON MY IPAD DIDNT SAVE.#THAT WAS LIKE A GOOD 1K WC OF EDITS
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Maybe this doesn’t need to be said, but Im feeling awful about it, so -- to any mutuals that might notice Im not following them anymore, I'm sorry about that. I've just seen too many posts on my dash that I have no way of blocking because they're not tagged in any way and they're distressing enough it's turning one of the only places I considered a safe space not safe for me anymore. So for my own mental health, I had to unfollow. I Will refollow in the future and I still love y'all, but I just-- I can’t. Ive been noticing some very worrying stuff about my mental and emotional state and it's just too much currently. I hope it's at least an understandable decision, and I wish y'all are having a good day out there ����
#personal#I know its important to keep up with current events#but life overall's been a bit too much for me lately#I should prob go back to my therapist#I haven’t seen her since I went back to uni#for one because I didn’t know my schedule when we last meet and we both thought this should balance me#finally having purpose again and doing what I actually enjoy#but I also don’t have a job now so its costs and... I don’t know#but I probably should now that Im thinking maybe its time to actually get medicated for real#tho first maybe I should just visit my family doc and ask for those vit d supplements my therapists talked about#see if thats gonna be enough#autumn (and winter) has always been an awful time for me in terms of mental and emotional health#but it feels even worse these days#like Im battling against depression every day recently and rarely anything works to distract me#which is why its been hard to get back to peels in dms and such too#I was meant to meet with a friend now that Im studying in a city she lives in but I have yet to get back to her#and it feels like I have not only Zero but like Negative energy and motivation#+ Ive been dealing with an upset stomach for Weeks now#no matter what I eat it feels weird and achy and barely anything tastes good for me already so now its even worse#anyway this turned into such a rant Im sorry#I just didn’t want the lovely peeps Ive been mutuals with for a long time to think I stopped liking them or smth#its just certain untagged posts that I would otherwise block if I could#and I dont wanna impose onto anyone like a 'rule' to tag them or whatever#so yeah this is just temporary#hopefully at some point I get better enough to survive the couple distressing posts heh...
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what the fuck
#discourse so bad i need to reconnect with nature. what the fuck did i just read#you know when you see Fledgling Discourse and maybe reblog a few posts and forget about it. and then you see it later and Holy Shit#that queer media poll has so fucking much to answer for#fell down a rabbit hole ended up reading the neotrances defence doc. which is. well#callouts r an inherently flawed format bc you only get one side of the story. and trans women end up disproportionately targeted#on the other hand it does look like mass harassment against a black blogger. because they said homestuck was racist. which it is#but then apparently this guy is a notorious transmisogynist???#but then that seems to go back to them pointing out a white transfem blogger’s racism???#and i also generally believe that if you’re on the side of nonces you’re doing something wrong#but pedojacketing is used to harass trans women. but is it pedojacketing if she straight up called herself a pedo. like??????#and then screenshots can be faked so what the fuck am i meant to believe here. i’m not online enough for this shit#don’t harass trans women and don’t be racist. and maybe everyone should log off and we blow up the internet. peace and love
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No one:
Me whenever I see yet another blog I respect and admire make/reblog a post on how the lesbian/comphet masterdoc is biphobic/inaccurate:
#lesbian#lesbophobia#comphet#lesbian masterdoc#comphet masterdoc#it's like aww c'mon not you too!#but it's like idk what is with people's obsession with trying to invalidate lesbians' experiences and saying that we are biphobic just for#our relation to the patriarchy#and saying that a tool that has helped many lesbians come to terms with our sexualities must secretly be some evil biphobic scheme#to force bisexual women back into the closet/eliminate and invalidate their attraction to men#i promise you that that is not what we're doing#it feels like they're just trying to say that the comphet masterdoc is wrong and that any lesbian who relates to it is really just bi and i#the closet#and as a lesbian who already suffers from comphet/intrusive thoughts about being sexually involved with men posts like these just make my#comphet go through the roof#they make me wonder even more if maybe my intrusive thoughts are my real feelings and i'm just repressing my attraction to men because the#lesbian masterdoc made me realize i was a lesbian and not attracted to men like i previously thought#and in addition they love to say that the creator of the doc came out as bi when it was only one of the editors of the doc#but ofc people just focus on that because they want so badly to prove that the comphet masterdoc doesn't exist and that it's simply#forcing bi girls to have denial#and then they love to say 'it was written by a bunch of teenagers' as if that invalidates it#or as if teenagers' experiences with comphet aren't real or trustworthy or worth listening to as if we are all simply irrational or naive#like atp people should just say the quiet part out loud that they think every lesbian who struggles with comphet is faking it and that we#are secretly bi and just think we're lesbians because we're traumatized by men but that eventually we will realize that we need a man in#fr it's just saddening#it's especially treacherous when other lesbians make posts like these#like come on now are you for real#i thought we were in this together#anyway that's all i'm done ranting lol
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getting motivated to work on that kaokana fic finally and i have added like 1k this week.... so much progress for me i'm so happy
#not writing#shay speaks#not guaranteeing the next chapter will be soon i'm still unsure#of when i want to end this one and start the next#but this one is only like.... 2k words right now?#okay google docs says its 1.4k words rn so yeah#we are making progress i'm hoping to get 4k or so at least before i decide to start ch4#and then i have to edit it and all that jazz obviously.... but augh i'm just happy to be working on this again#and i edited my bb fic a lot today since my beta has given feedback on like 7 pages of that#AND i quit my job at joanns so i should go back to working only 5 days a week instead of 6#and maybe i can get more motivation to write. i think part of why i'm writing more is the fact that i qui t aamfpdiosd#i am already feeling better knowing there is an end in sight to these 6 day weeks#my boss was chill about it she understands and i'm not going to like#slack off just bc i put in my 2 weeks#but yeah. thats my life update ig mapsdfiomsdpifodjs#big bang fic is looking very nice so far after edits and i'm excited to get that out#again its probably going to be split in two idk if i want to try and finish it before whenever i end up getting to post#mostly cuz like. idk i'm probably still like 4k out from finishing it and noooooo thank u. maybe another day#it's at the word count minimum though thats what matters
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Aaaaa it's a do I put a sex scene in this fic or will it ruin it because I'm not used to writing smut kinda feelin'
#im going back and forth#i dont wanna ruin the (very mediocre lmao) story but also it feels fitting?#or maybe i should finish my ONESHOTSS IN MY DOCS#inspiration has been missing me lately#herogers silly rambles
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it's been two weeks since I've touched my wip and I am still sick so naturally I am drawing
#*pops out of my underground cave deposits this at your feet disappears back into the shadow realm for another 1000 years#finally fulfilling the art part of my blog description#digital art#art#oc#my posts#ser draws stuff#god references are a lifesaver#okay I really should get back to writing though#and start up this blog again before it dies#ok ok I swear I am gonna go and clear out some of my tag games and asks and open up the doc and get typing#....maybe
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i think one time i did see someone say mrs wimbleton could be doc in mcla and i think thats rlly funny
#like i assume hanks family would be permadead and since this is like. madcom if it took place on earth or at least that what i took from it#then revival might at that point in the series. not exist#hank does appear to die in mcla but the idea for mcla 2 was he would be brought back and i imagined it as that happening B4 he could die#he Was dying but then whoever snatches him up heals him or whatevr.#like here is where i show off my brainrot I IMAGINE IN MCLA THESE EVENTS HAPPEN IN A MUCH MORE REALISTIC SETTING#obviously theres still auditor n shit but like nevada is made to appear much more realistically than in the animations#and i imagined as events went on the more the world would fall apart before it actually becomes very similar to madcom nevada#and like by then coming back from the dead would probably be a possibility since improbability would be going a lil wild by then#so like technically there is a chance mrs wimbleton and wimbleton junior could be brought back but it feels like they Should be permadead#like maybe its been too long to get them back or the new lack-of-rules of the world dont apply to deaths before all that idk#OOPS RAMBLIN HOLD ON. ANYWAYS I DO THINK MRS WIMBLETON DOC WOULD BE FUNNY JUST BC THERE WOULD BE A SERIOUS CONTRAST THERE#but judging by certain characters we already had i guess it would fit in#but it also works with haha funny 2bhank divorce joke#ur wife comes back but shes upset about what youve become despite doing it all for her and then ur divorced#something abt coming back different but maybe ur both back wrong idk
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Oh my god I am literally never getting an answer for this
#do you have any idea how many medications I've tried that havent worked????#''sounds like it could be gastroparesis'' ''hmmm let's try an acid reducer for 3 months :)'' I Am Going To Lose My Mind#yeah okay maybe it might work. why is this happening though.#''hmmm it could be a trazodone side effect'' i dont think trazodone makes you half puke your meals#going back in fucking JULY; they said I should notice an effect by a week or so but knowing my body I'll just#eat shit for 3 months and then they'll change the dosage when the doc assistant literally suggested a gastric emptying test#went to the doctor and all they tested was my PATIENCE..........#hoatm rants#🖤chronic illness tag🤍
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Me lookin' at my lil content: d'aaaaaaaw it's so cute~
I wanted to do stuff before work, but I like blanked out since I'm sleepy (went to bed around 1? 2?? then woke up at 7:11; not terrible but not like Great) then did my required stretchies / looked up stuff for things~ Tomorrow I have my last PT session and follow-up, and then I plan on cleaning my room / generally just chilling out since it has been Forever, but now...I will try and schedule in time for OC thoughts today and tomorrow (still have to decide if Atlas would be primal or astral...and maybe compare some story stuff to make sure it's not stepping on any Canon toes...but maybe we also don't care about that second bit ghffjghfgvcccgkhf).
#;big bubble blowing baby! ( ooc )#( i think...i'm gonna try and schedule my hair cut too. either saturday or next thursday#i love my long flowy hair but i've getting that feeling of just...can't take it anymore ghfjcghfcgkhgcjgv#BUT it's also supposed to get colder so i may wimp out because this hair Protects Me#i also have to talk with my workman's comp doc about specific restriction papers my store director gave me tomorrow (fear)#i don't really like feeling less useful at work; but i also have just accepted that i need to take care of myself#i'm hoping nothing Too Big happens with that because i still wanna bank a lot of money before going back to school#but also a tiny bit less hours a week (since i work around 37-39 rn) would be nice...maybe even an extra day off...more me time#in other news i've also had many vtuber thoughts GFDHGFHGFHJFGHF#the only important one is...accepting that i should just kind of Do It. instead of actively thinking of where i wanna be; if that makes#any sense#and wars gave me Big Incentive to clean my room in like a non-vtuber way; but also just like...the motivation!!! the hype!!!#i have a lot of steps in my mind to do my creative stuff; but my room Must be clean#not that all my stuff isn't on my dad's very nice desk but...i don't want any potential pc i buy to be there#it would be so much better environment-wise (aka not being in my kitchen where my dad always is and near the living room#where my bro always streams) plus it's a two-way street of i don't want to disturb them either#i thought about cleaning my mom's office but she literally told me no because she wants to clean it all herself#which her being like “i have to be the one to go through everything when cleaning” is just...i see where i get my attitude#BUT ANYWAYS#i need to get ready for work gfhgjfjgfhgkjgfcghfg being the closer so much is so tiring;;#hopefully tonight is good and i don't have to have Drama and anyone who freaks out )
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