#maybe i should've gone for something more hopeful... but the angst calls me....

[jichanxo]

you, who picked me up and let me live as something new [for shishitsu week 2024, prompt: salvation]

[starlitscars]

Made of ice

Jackson era! Joel Miller x F! Reader

Summary: One stormy night in the safety of Wyoming, it occurs to Joel that even though life has turned his heart into a slab of ice, there's a soft, melting spot buried deep inside... Only reserved for you.

Word count: 5.2k

Masterlist

Tags/warnings: MDNI, NSFW, implied age gap, canon-typical violence, Joel Miller needs his own warning, protective! Joel, soft! Joel, angst, fluff, smut, finger sucking, fingering, pet names, praise kink, language, no use of y/n, soft dom! Joel, negative thoughts, dea*h wish, self-doubt, self-confidence issues, Joel is a sweetheart here (but he doesn't think he's worthy of peace), rain, lots of rain, lightning, stormy weather, kinda established relationship, let me know if a tag has gone unnoticed.

Author's note: This is my very first attempt at writing for Joel Miller. I've had the idea in my mind for a few weeks now and it's hard to resist when it comes to him (did I say Pedro Pascal?) So I hope the details are accurate and if you decide to read this one shot, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did while writing it. If you want to be mutuals, I'll be more than glad <3

Divider by: saradika-graphics

Made of ice

You should've seen what you made of him.

The calm, slow beats in his chest are strikingly different from how he remembers them. In fact, he vaguely recalls the way those racing, dreadful patterns had carved themselves into his memory. With a rigid heart made of ice, it was nearly impossible to find the pulse in him, even at his most frightened, disappointed state. 

Joel used to walk into the face of danger with a rifle clutched in his dying grip, a life to save and thousands to destroy, and in all those moments any sign of life was nonexistent in him. There used to be rage, hatred, regret, and frustration... Oh lots of frustration, running through the veins in his body. He used to walk, talk, and breathe. But he wasn't alive.

Now he doesn't find it in himself to call it miracle. But somewhere between the lines, you happened. You happened and fuelled the dying fire in the far corner of his heart. He used to keep it empty and dark, like a deserted house with no furniture, a perfect place for the noises in his head to become loud and maybe help him stand the never-ending days of what everyone called life. 

You entered his life and now most of what he feels in these old veins is warmth, safety and attachment. Yes, he doesn't call it miracle, because his past doings are too  stained and unforgivable to deserve a miracle. To deserve you. The real miracle. The fathomable idea of what it feels to be alive.

Joel feels alive.

Some days, it feels like his wretched past is clawing its way back into his mind, calling those demons to end his days of peace with you. Some nights, he's restless... So terribly restless. What if you get injured on your next patrol? What if the Raiders attack you when you're out of the gates of Jackson? What if something bad happens to you the moment his eyes close? What if these damn what ifs come to life? This old mind tricks him into seeing pictures of what has never happened and probably never will. You always assure him that you'll be careful. He trusts you and your abilities, but he does not trust his fears. Because if life is too good, it scares him. 

It scares Joel Miller, way more than it would if he was trapped in a dark room with all of his fears and demons creeping on the cold hard floor towards him. He'd rather spend every day fighting off the Clickers and Raiders and every nasty threat out there, instead of pacing around the room and waiting to see if your patrols end well or not.

So he has no choice but to either convince Tommy to pick him as your patrol partner every damn time you have to do it – which he makes sure is as limited as possible – or occasionally keep an eye on you from a distance and let his thoughts consume him at the same time. Just like what he's doing now. 

His persistence in being close to you tends to earn him annoyed eye rolls and "She's more capable than that, Joel." comments from his brother... almost all the time. But he simply can't help it, and he thinks that you know it. Because you never complain nor haul him over the coals for his instincts and worries and the immense amount of care his rigid heart feels for you. He's silently thankful for that understanding.

You are safe here, he thinks. Even though he feels restless, his heartbeat has never been this calm. He sits and watches you on nights like this and there's only one thought ringing in his head. All the scolding is worth it. You're sprawled out peacefully on the bed. His bed. It must be straight out of a fucking impossible dream. You're here, in his atmosphere, in his menacing, guilty, dark presence... And you have chosen it knowingly. It's all he can ever ask for. 

The dim moonlight is swimming in through the curtains, casting a soft, silvery shadow over your face. Your hair is falling all around you like you're knowingly doing it... Posing for an artist just to paint this delicate beauty on a canva. 

Despite his bitter mood, a content smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. Tearing his gaze from you, he downs the remaining whiskey and silently places the empty glass on the table, deciding that he needs a short walk to free his troubled mind. One morning, Maria woke up and decided that Joel needs to stay behind and help Tommy in fixing the issues in the town's only library. So you should have another partner for your patrol days for god knows how long. He fucking hates being told what to do. He fought tooth and nail to prevent that, and if you weren't there to stop him, he would as well turn the mess hall into another ruin that needed to be fixed – which only meant more time away from you. 

So it's going to take only two weeks, at worst. Only a terrible fortnight before things go back to normal. It's almost unbelievable how you have managed to awaken a sense of normalcy in him that he hasn't known in decades. Your absence is an instant threat to this normal life.

Maybe it's about time he gets used to it. He's not that weak. He shouldn't let his angers and worries run him. More importantly, he shouldn't ruin your much needed sleep with his usual problems right now. You've still got the weekend. He'll take a walk and be back here before you as much as stir in your deep slumber.

Oh. The damn library.

...

Jackson is eerily quiet in the middle of the night, enveloped by darkness and as isolated as it can be in this corner of the world. It's a stark contrast to how busy the whole community is during the daylight – bustling with happy greetings, careless jokes, movie days, small parties, and lots of work to do. It all asks for social interaction and he deeply hates it.

He hates when every passer-by's attention turns to you every time you step out in the open. He hates how prying eyes rove up and down your frame every time you walk into the bar. He hates how... He shakes his head, almost rolling his eyes at the loudness of these thoughts. Joel has to remind himself that he is the one you hold onto and introduce to everyone in every social gathering. The proud gleam in your eyes always placates him. There's no need to break a jaw in this town... Perhaps.

Lights flicker by the porches and the sound of his boots on the ground is the only sound that disturbs the silence. The sky is clouding over, distantly promising another stormy night in its gloomy wake. Occasional flashes of lightning light up the road and before Joel knows it, he's passing by the Tipsy Bison. It's 3 past midnight, no wonder why its doors are locked and closed. Either way he comes to a halt, letting the gears turn in his head as he opts for a very familiar path.

Your house. It's a short walk away from the bar.

Joel still recalls that day. How long has it been? Five, six, seven months? It feels like yesterday to him.

He'd had a terrible conversation with Tommy, not at all the way he'd planned it on his first day in Jackson. Things got heated up pretty quickly, leaving a bitter taste of rejection lingering on his tongue, the burn of the whiskey only worsening his mood.

"Just because life stopped for you, doesn't mean it has to stop for me..."

The words were ringing in his head as he stormed out of the bar. Shrugging his jacket on, all he wanted was to walk as far away from that area as possible. This affronted, begrudging, irrational sting was boiling in him and in that moment he was more than ready to leave the gates of Jackson even if it called for more danger. Life had really ended for him years ago, but to hear it from Tommy right after the hell he'd went through to find him... It really hurt. 

The pain was resurfacing in rapid tides.

If his boots could dig deeper, get stuck in the snow and propel him into the cold biting blanket of the earth, he'd welcome it. If life had really ended for him, he had to make it make sense by ending himself as well. This... There was this distant melody echoing in the air and cutting through his troubles thoughts. The wind was harsh against his ears, and each step brought the melody closer. 

It really could be the last song that played before his funeral.  

Joel was surrounded by all the colors, and all he could see was white, eyes fixed on the ground. He didn't pay much attention as he bumped into someone. He barely lifted his head to apologize, and then his gaze settled on the crackling fire on the left side of the road. 

Red and orange and yellow hues. It was a fresh contrast. His eyes were hurting from all the white snow.

He came to a halt, mindlessly waving at the person he'd bumped into. A dozen of kids had gathered around the burning logs in a barrel on the porch, rubbing their hands together and listening to the same melody he was entranced by. The same melody that he thought would be his burial hymn.

Joel's eyes followed their excited faces, wondering who they were looking at. He saw you mirroring their hopeful gleams first, and then he registered the guitar on your lap. 

To make the matters worse, you had tilted your head, shooting him a funnily quizzical look. He might've looked weird back then. The town's newcomer, with a permanent scowl on his face, maybe plotting murder as well (considering that it was the main topic in all the words that already flew around about him).

He didn't answer, still dead in his tracks as if he was immobilized by some invisible force. So you shifted in your seat, silently offering him a spot among the children as if to say "You can come over and join us."

He had two choices in that moment, either a polite decline was on the table or a dismissive frown. He looked over his shoulder at the bar and finally opted for the third choice – or so his mind created another choice for him – and he nodded, joining in on your little gathering without as much as saying a word. He really wanted to hear that song.

He never asked whether you knew the words to that song, but that night when he lay in bed and his thoughts were far from the idea that he wanted to bury himself in the snow, he vaguely remembered the lyrics. And it hit him hard, like a punch to the gut.

Yeah, I don't want to hurt

There's so much in this world 

To make me bleed

Stay with me

Let's just breathe

Stay with me

You're all I see

He wanted to ignore how the words affected him in the middle of the night. It was the first night he could feel some semblance of peace, not sleeping with an eye open in case someone attacked them. Ellie was safe in another room. So he really considered that. He considered the possibility of staying. He was relatively new to the community... And so damn unaccustomed to the whole arrangement. He almost woke up the next morning and started packing before he remembered where he was.

Stay with me

Let's just breathe

Those words stuck with him.

And his first encounter with you was a harbinger of different things to come.

One day of patrolling with you led to another, one night of inviting you for a drink led to another. One peaceful afternoon in the stable led to another. One gloomy evening in the clinic did not lead to another. He was way too protective of you to let that happen again.

He truly feels lucky. You could be anywhere else, better off if you picked anyone other than this grumpy, old man. And yet you still want him. You silly girl. You've melted his heart with your warmth. 

But he's like a lake, deserted in the middle of a haunted forest and engulfed in coldness. Even though the center is warm and gooey, he keeps the surface frozen and rigid and menacing. Hard enough to keep his instincts sane and alarmed. Cold enough to let everyone know that you're his and he will not fucking share. 

Lightning strikes again in the sky.

He lifts himself up and off your front stairs with a heavy grunt. An hour has passed since he left for a walk. The clouds have fully gathered in the sky and he thinks that he should be by your side now.

Joel really cares little for the details, always asking Tommy and Ellie to spare him the explanation and get straight to the point. But with you, it's hard to forget a couple of things. One night, a few weeks ago, you were pulling him past the threshold of your house. So adorably drunk and inviting. He was still a little pissed by how the rainstorm had ruined your nightly walk. Despite your complaints about sharing a kiss in the rain, he'd dragged you back to the nearest shelter possible, because he just didn't want to get fucking soaked. Joel didn't find it romantic at all. He was frowning, still pinning you against the wall for a begrudgingly needy kiss. You giggled into his mouth, playful fingers pocking at his chest. "Come on Joel. Let yourself enjoy it... All these neverending drops on the roof, the fresh earthy scent that comes after it... It's just really beautiful. One of the few things that kept me sane before I came here..." 

He's not really against the idea. But the changing weather doesn't bode well with him. One day is sunny, and the next is rainy and it just goes to show how he has no power over the situation.

Hell. A part of Joel is really terrified of the changing weather. One day it was scorching hot, and the next his boots crunched against the white blankets of neverending snow, reprimanding him for his carelessness. Time would pass whether he wanted to or not. He is still terrified, wishing he could stretch the time he could spend with you. God knows he wants an eternity with you. 

He has seen enough rain for a lifetime. He hasn't seen you enough. How could he enjoy getting soaked in tiny drops of water when all he wanted was to bury his face in the crook of your neck and stay there for a while – maybe forever and a little more?

But he has considered it since then. If there are a few things that keep you happy and rainy days have to be one of them, he'll give you that. He'll get used to that. There's no pattern with the rainfall in here, and the weather forecast is pretty much nonexistent. He has promised himself to tell you whenever it rains, even though he despises the idea of you catching a cold after minutes or hours of dancing in the cold, letting droplets of water wash over you without a care in this wretched world. 

He also despises the idea of waking you up.

But he knows you'll like it. You careless, adorable girl. He lives to see that excited gleam in your eyes. Everytime you show it, this old heart pounds impatiently in his chest and it all feels like the first time it has happened.

He's back home in no time. 

So, kicking his boots off as silently as possible, he trudges over and settles down by the edge of the bed, suppressing a low groan. His knees still ache from all the never-ending effort he's put in repairing the library over the past few days. Jesus, he just wants it to be done as soon as possible. It feels like he's losing so much time when he's away from you. Now that you're still pretty much asleep in the same position he last saw you, all Joel wants is to lie down by your side and melt in your warm embrace instead of having to fight with his thoughts and the world to not take away yet another precious piece of him. He can't afford to even think about losing you.

Each flash of lightning illuminates the contours of your beautiful face and he can't help himself when he lifts a hand and lets his knuckles gently stroke your cheek. Your lips are parted ever so slightly and you look so innocent in your unconscious dream. He almost backs down, part of him hoping that it rains throughout the day, just so he doesn't guilt trip himself for the pout on your face if you miss it. You need to rest.

As if you sense his hesitation, you stir in bed and lean into his touch. A low hum escapes you, and Joel is too weak to deny himself the softness it brings. His wounded knuckles are soon replaced with a calloused thumb and he wonders what's so interesting about these hands that never ceases to catch your attention.

One night at the bar, Joel had caught you actually staring at them and when he teased you a little about it, you just shrugged and grinned mischievously. "I mean... I just like them so much. Your hands are always warm, and... and that's all."

He shrugged it off that night. Ellie had also considered it a flex for him to have warm hands even in the coldest days of winter, but with you and the way you looked at him... It was different. He knew it was more than that. 

And when the nights he shared with you went further than his sinful thoughts had planned, you showed him that it was more than that. It was more than the warmth you found there. If anything, your helpless whimpers were an indication of how capable and strong these hands were.

Heat blooms in his chest. It simply is endearing. The way you always seem to recognize his touch and send his head spiraling with the idea that you want him to do more. You've never been afraid of him. You've never pushed him away. You've never judged him for the horrible things he's done. Jesus, it should terrify him. Joel should've pushed you away at some point, because he knows you'd be better off without him, but how could he muster the strength to do so? Since that fateful moment on your porch, your presence keeps on inviting him for more. More than simply existing. And God, if you knew how he wants to do more than that every second of the day... Only if the world lets him breathe a little.

There's another bolt of lightning and raindrops finally begin to drum against the window pane.

Joel shakes his head to get rid of those worrisome ideas. Propping himself on one elbow, he leans over ever so slightly and lets his thumb trace its way to your chin, up to your jawline, and then back to the soft skin on your cheek. He draws circles over the blooming flush and then his thumb is traveling down to your lower lip. Your mouth parts just a little more, breathing even and content and if he gets a grip on himself, he may notice that there's a ghost of a smile in there as well.

"Baby..." He whispers softly, his gaze drifting all over your adorable face. You really are a piece of art, tangled in the sheets, in the safety of his house, and your innocent hums are doing something to him. Some obscene voice that silently pleads for more. More and more... Just to give you more. 

You stir a little more.

He leans over and places a gentle kiss on your forehead, the sweet, fruity scent he's come to like a lot about you engulfing his senses. He watches every little movement with amusement. "My sweet baby... You want to see what's waitin' for you outside."

"Joel," you mumble sleepily, voice drowsy and laced with a hint of confusion as you rub your eyes and stretch your arms before looking around the dark room with a quizzical expression on your face. It doesn't take long for the realization to hit you and the familiar gleam in your gaze makes him smile. You stare a him, wide-eyed. "is it- again?"

He chuckles and gestures at the window. "Yes, a heavy one at that."

Again, there's that hum of delight as you follow his gaze. The pitter-patter of the rain cheers you up like a lollipop would do to a child. It's maddeningly adorable.

You should be running to the backyard by now, but instead you stare at him for a while. It's his turn to be confused. Your smile gets broader by each passing second as your delicate hands trace his face and run over the salt and pepper patches of his beard. When you playfully ruffle his hair, your eyes are still droopy and dreamy and so damn kissable that he just can't help himself.

His other hand fondles with a loose strand of hair beside you on the pillow before twirling it between his fingers. You bite your lower lip and lift your head just enough for a brief peck on the tip of his nose. He chuckles, letting his fingers draw a line over the column of your neck, down to your chest, and at last they disappear beneath the sheets, settling comfortably on the warm expanse of your belly. 

Joel assumes that his presence is not too close to lock you in place, and yet not too loose to let you drift back into unconsciousness. You just have the perfect moment to escape. For goodness sake, rain is the one thing you choose over anything else. The thing you like a lot.

But you're still here, dazed eyes flickering all over his face and it just gives him a second thought. A new idea to test your patience. Seeing you still pinned under him and unmoving, was not really in his list when he decided to walk back home and wake you up. He chortles with amusement. If you want what he thinks you do, he could give you that... "Come on sweetheart, what's stoppin' you?"

His fingers drift lower, exploring the bare flesh of your thigh, right where his mouth was hours ago. Still as warm as he remembers, maybe a little bruised too. "It's all rainy outside. Ain't that what you wanted?"

"I know..." You mumble, an undertone of need sewn in your voice as you look down over the sheets that cover every movement of his hand. It's too dark for you to see anything anyway. He could easily toss the covers aside, but it's wickedly satisfying this way. "I'm- um, just feeling a little under the influence...and it's- uh, it's distracting."

His hand caresses its way to where he knows you need it the most, and you barely repress a shudder when his fingertips glide over your folds. But he barely feels you, a ghost of a touch hovering there as a smirk threatens to flicker at the corner of his mouth.

"Wonder if my hand's makin' a good influence or a bad one. What d'you say, baby?"

It pelts down steadily outside, but you don't seem to care the slightest about it. Neither does Joel. A low gasp emanates from you when his touch becomes proper, rubbing circles and spreading the slick over your clit as slow and unrushed as he physically can manage. You're still indecently wet after he'd brought you over the edge again and again before you dozed off... and the fact that some of his cum might be gathering in his hand is fueling his lewd thoughts.

You naughty girl.

"A very bad one, I see." He tuts, feeling your chest heaving up and down beneath him. It's easy to rile you up this way. Desperation is written in your expression... and he hasn't even started yet.

"She needs fixin', doesn't she?" Joel asks, bringing his movement to a sudden halt. You're too distracted by everything he does to form a coherent thought. He lifts an expectant brow, now actually waiting for an answer.

"Yes- yes Joel... need it so bad... so bad it hurts." You breathe, a helpless pout forming on your lips.

"I know baby. I know... Jus' lay down and let me take care of it, hm? How's that sound?" He demands again, but this time he doesn't give you a chance to respond as he pushes two fingers past your weeping hole, burying them knuckles deep within your warmth. You gasp at the sudden intrusion, eyelids heavy as you grasp his arm, squirming like a helpless, needy girl.

What a cruel man he is.

"Not off to a good start, angel. I know you can be more patient."

You nod quickly, biting your lip in an attempt to stop yourself from wriggling and twisting on the bed. For a split second, Joel considers pulling out to nuzzle his face between your legs and let the heat consume him. A perfect place to brave the cold, restless seasons. 

But his fingers aren't shy either. He starts with slow thrusts, effortlessly sliding in and out before picking up the pace. He makes you adjust to his rhythm, and when you let go and open up, the obscene moans and chocked out cries are all that fill the silence of the house. Jesus, he lives to hear them every day. He rewards you by curling his fingertips to hit that spot that makes you see stars.

You shudder particularly hard at that, more arousal pooling inside you and soaking his fingers. You're losing your grip with reality, and he can sende it as your legs begin to shake and your knee brushes over the denim of his jeans, but you still remember to abide by his "No squirming" rule.

You're so pliant and obedient in his hands that it does nothing but to spur Joel to give you more. And so he does.

"I like these sounds," He adds a third finger, tilting his head to whisper in your ear. "I dream about them all the time."

You whimper and tighten your hold around Joel's arm. When he feels that your orgasm is creeping impossibly close, his thumb joins and rubs rapid circles over your bundle of nerves and that's your undoing. You clench around him, walls tightening and squeezing his fingers deeper – if that's even possible – as waves of white-hot euphoria crash over your worn out body and take over your senses. Your back arches involuntarily into him. A sound between a groan and a curse escapes his throat.

"That's it. Atta girl... that's it, so fuckin' beautiful."

His touch is unrelenting as he talks you through it with a string of sweet nothings. 

Only when you come down and rest back on the bed he slowly pulls out. You're panting heavily, face flushed and heated and so effortlessly seductive that Joel is sure no fucking artist could ever capture it in words of a poem or colors of a painting. Joel is the only one to witness this moment and it swells his chest with pride. He wants to drink it in, let it run through his veins like never-ending liquor.

He lifts his hand, smirking as you gape at the way it's glistening under the dim light. You're in awe. He softly places the tips between your swollen lips and you waste no time in swirling your tongue around them, licking the slick off as if it's a delightful lollipop. And the hazy look on your face says that it's more than just a sweet treat.

His own breathing hitches when you open your mouth a little wider and take him fully in, sucking and humming and driving him absolutely crazy. He shakes his head slightly, catching the playful gleam in your gaze.

"Hm. Still a very bad influence."

When you're fully recovered and satisfied, Joel lifts you up in his arms and walks towards the backyard, chuckling at your confused expression. You give a squeal and wrap your hands around his neck to keep yourself steady, at the same time trying to gauge what his next plan would be. You really have forgotten about the rain, haven't you?

He comes to a halt, making sure the blanket he'd just picked off the bed is not leaving any part of your body uncovered. The rainstorm has eased off considerably over the past hour, but he doesn't want to risk it. Keeping you warm and safe in the cold is and will always be his top priority, no matter if his back or knees protest from how much they ache. Hell, he aches for you and that content smile on your face. Nothing beats it.

"My girl still wants to go out, hm?"

Your eyes flicker between him and the half-open door, filled with excitement and delight and a tiny flicker of doubt. "Yes Joel... but...you sure you want to join in?"

"I don't know," He feigns innocence, pretending to think for a short while before his face lights up with an idea. "Do I get a kiss for it?"

You laugh and lean up to press your lips into his in a soft, lingering kiss. It's so tender and reassuring that he has to pull back before changing his mind and taking you back to the bed.

"Then it's settled."

It has been settled for a long time.

Maybe he can get used to it. Maybe you get a better idea of what you've made of him with your presence at times when he easily complies with things that make you happy. A heart made of ice, molten enough to experience the world with you all over again. Even if he gets soaked in the rain, he's alright with it. You kiss him and all the discomfort is forgotten.

He should give it time and learn to breathe again. Learn to stay, to settle. To let you know that you're all he sees.

Yeah, I don't want to hurt

There's so much in this world 

To make me bleed

Stay with me

Let's just breathe

Stay with me

You're all I see

The words are carved in his head. He chances a glance at the living room before walking past the door. Your guitar is placed on the couch. Maybe one day he'll bring himself to play his melodies for you too. He think that he's got a lot of time for it now. He wants an eternity with you, and in this wretched world, eternity lasts as long as you'll have him.

One, two... Ten droplets fall over him. He kisses you again, harder and longer. His ice-cold heart melts just a little more at your careless laughter. Just stay with me.

[unluckywisher]

hi lovely! i absolutely LOVEEE ur writing and i loved ur one piece with sylus where we turn tiny it was so cute!! i’ve literally be starving for some sylus content and since requests are open i was wondering if could request some hurt/comfort? like maybe we’re patching up his wounds or something 👀 i’ll leave the imagination up to you <33 - ⭐️ anon

Thank you so much!!!! <3 You got it, here you go :D

~Taking care of Sylus after a fight~

It starts as angst but becomes fluff. Trust me.

Sylus was late. He was usually very punctual, but not today. Missed call after missed call, unread text after unread text, you sat on the couch of his penthouse with your head between your hands, waiting for anything.

Every now and then you'd look to the window, in hopes of seeing his crow at least, but no such comfort ever came.

Finally, finally, you heard the door unlock. You rushed to scold him and ask for explanations, but freezed upon seeing him. He was covered in bruises and wounds, blood still fresh on some of them.

"What happened?" Your anger turned to concern, your hands flying to your mouth.

"Deal gone wrong. I'm fine," he took off his jacket and hung it up on the coat rack, "I'm sorry I'm late."

"Fuck that!" Your anger came back. "You disappear for hours with no way to contact you, you appear beaten half to death, and all you have to say for yourself is 'I'm fine, sorry I'm late'?" You scoffed.

"I really am sorry." He did sound apologetic, to his credit.

Sigh.

"Let's patch you up," you grabbed his arm and dragged him to the bathroom.

He could tell you cared about him even if you were angry, and he knew the best thing he could do at the moment was shut up and let you take the lead.

"Sit," you pointed at the edge of the bathtub, "and take your shirt off."

He obeyed, taking a seat and unbuttoning the now bloodied and cut piece of clothing that used to be a shirt.

You grabbed the first-aid kit from the cupboard, going in your head through the things you wanted to say, staying silent in the end. You sat next to him, the kit on your lap, and you took the rubbing alcohol and a cotton ball.

With the first press on his wounds, he hissed, but said nothing.

"I was so worried," you started, "I didn't know what you were up to, or where you were, or who you were with. I couldn't call anyone, not even your crow was around..." Tears prickled at the corner of your eyes. "I thought something had happened to you."

"You know I've always been okay-"

"No! I don't! Because you don't bother to tell me anything beforehand! I have to find out afterwards, when you've already gone through hell and back!" You break down crying, putting the bloodied cotton down. "Please, I just want you to rely on me more. So I can help you if things go wrong, so you don't end up like this."

His expression turned somber. He reached to grab your hand between his and wipe your tears.

"I really thought it would be fine. One of the men had an unexpected Evol and... Things got messy. But you're right, I should've told you more before I left."

"You didn't even return any calls or messages."

"My phone ran out of battery."

You couldn't stay mad at him for too long. After all, the reason you were mad at him in the first place was because you were worried about him, worried that something had happened to the man you loved.

"I'm so sorry," he leaned his forehead against yours, "I promise I will never leave you in the dark like that again."

You closed your eyes for a moment. He was here, and he was okay. And you believed his promise, so things would be fine from now on.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," you opened your eyes and kissed his cheek with a smile, "now let's take care of you properly."

He smiled back, letting go of your hand. "You don't have to-"

You sushed him, "I want to."

You picked up the cotton ball and began cleaning his wounds again, careful not to hurt him too much with the rubbing alcohol. After, you bandaged the ones that needed bandaging, and applied some cream to the bruises.

Throughout the process, Sylus looked at you with nothing but love and appreciation. He thought he was the luckiest man ever to have you caring for him, even after making you angry - something he was already thinking of remedying by spoiling you for the rest of the week.

"Done. Are your muscles sore? Let me give you a massage," you said as you put the first-aid kit away.

"A massage, too? I should be the one doing things for you."

"I insist. You'll have time to repay my kindness later," you giggled, knowing the way his mind worked.

You took his hand and led him to the bedroom, gesturing for him to lay on the bed. He did, with a sharp sigh of exhaustion.

"Tell me if I hurt you, this is supposed to bring you relief, not make it worse."

"I doubt you could make it worse," he smirked, closing his eyes and resting his head on the pillow.

"Is that supposed to be a challenge?"

"I take it back."

Laughing, you began massaging his upper back, careful on the spots where the bruises and wounds were. His muscles were stiff at first, but soon relaxed under your gentle fingers, his expression softening as well.

You massaged his lower back and arms too, his hands last. He made groans of both pain and relief as you did, but ultimately he felt in much better shape thanks to you.

He got up from the bed and stretched, "thank you," he kissed you.

You wrapped your arms around his neck carefully and kissed him back, "I'm just happy you're okay."

However, you weren't done.

"Change your clothes while I reheat your dinner."

"Sweetheart, I-"

You glared at him.

"Of course."

He felt bad that you were doing so much, but taking care of him at the moment was one of the best feelings in the world, and you were glad you could do that for him.

He changed into comfortable clothes and entered the kitchen, where you had set the table. The food had been cooked earlier for you and him, but you had already eaten yours, so you sat across from him just to keep him company.

You both took this time to talk about the fight he had gone through - "you should see the other guys" - and to talk about how things would change from now on to be more communicative, a very open and honest conversation that didn't feel uncomfortable to have, and by the end of it, you both felt completely satisfied and more in love than ever with each other.

He put away his used tableware into the dishwasher and walked back to your side so you could go to bed together.

You got into bed, cuddling up to him, his arms welcoming you in a warm embrace.

"Does it still hurt?" You asked.

"Less now, thanks to you," he kissed your forehead.

You nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck, kissing him there.

"Can we go to the zoo tomorrow? As a date." You knew he wouldn't say no.

"I don't see why not. Do you want me to rent the whole zoo for both of us so we don't have to deal with the other visitors?"

"...Sylus."

"I was joking."

"No you weren't."

"...no I wasn't."

"I love you."

"I love you too. I love you. I love you. Good night, my sweet."

"Good night."

"I love you."

[hopelessdazai]

✿ 》 Will you talk to me again?

╰⧼ 🪻 note.. ⧽ ; I don't expect this to do well because its not smut but it'd be nice !! reblogs appreciated, support your creators :)

╰⧼ ☀️ features.. ⧽ ; dazai x gn!reader, WC ; 784

╰⧼ 🌙 contents.. ⧽ ; angst, reader isn't alive, letter from dazai. he's trying very hard to keep himself stable but it's not working™.

To my dearest ______ .

It's been a while, hasn't it? I hope you don't mind me writing to you like this, it's simply been too long. I'm sure you're still angry at me, so seeing you physically isn't my best interest right now! haha, I'm sorry. you know I'm just joking around, don't you? I'd love to see you in person. I'm sure you would've punched my arm if you heard me out loud right now, wouldn't you? I'm glad I'm spared of the bruises.

what does someone put in a letter? that's what I was asking myself before I even began writing. I decided that the best way to do something like this was to just write whatever I feel true as pen touches paper. I hope it makes sense to you, at the least. if I'm pouring my heart out on some paper only for it to be misunderstood, it feels like a waste, no?

though, i'd be lying if i said it wouldn't be rather cute to see you try to fathom what I mean. did you know you scrunch your nose like a bunny sometimes when you're reading? I'm sure you're doing that now too. you'll get wrinkles very at this rate ..

but anyway, I managed to prank kunikida the other day! you remember that hair dye trick I'd told you about? I managed to break into his apartment and swap out his shampoo, at last! he came into work the next day with black hair, it was hilarious, you should've been here! he was so angry with me. beat me black and blue!

oh, _____. I got a new heated blanket for our bed, you know? it took a while to save up for it, and I had to cut out some other necessities, sure. but it makes everything so much better! I hate cold beds, I'm sure you know that better then anyone. haha, back before we moved in together when I'd break into your apartment and crawl into bed with you. I'm sorry for the amount of locks I broke, but your place was so cozy!

... you know, it's been really hard without you here. I miss you so painfully, and I don't mean to call into the void without even an echo, but its killing me to pretend I'm fine about any of this. I'm not fine with this, how am I supposed to be? I wish it was just a bad dream.

I don't want to have to write letters to you anymore, ______. I don't want to have to buy heated blankets to try and stop my arms from aching for your warmth. I don't want you to be angry with me, I'm sorry I didn't apologise to you before you were gone. I shouldn't have been so stupid.

i had so many words on my mind that I was too afraid to say. maybe if I faced myself and told you 'I love you' it would've stopped you leaving.

have you met odasaku yet? has he told you any stories of his time? I wish I could hear your voice again. I wish you could answer my questions. even to hear you scoff at my stupidity again would heal me. I'm sorry I was annoying, I just wanted your attention. it stings knowing I'll never get it again.

I can't keep repeating to myself that you're not gone. I can't keep buying your perfume and pretending that you're in the next room over. your pillow doesn't smell like you anymore.

I wish I could apologise properly. I wish I could've stopped you from leaving the house that night. I wish I could kill myself to join you and yet I know we won't cross paths again in the afterlife. you were always too good for me, ______. i was nothing compared to you.

i picked up a homeless dog yesterday. you'd always wanted a puppy, I'm sorry I never let you bring one home. I named it after you. im trying to get used to them, I promise. if I couldn't save you, I'll save your name.

I'm sorry. if I continue writing, my throat will hurt more. its strange, isn't it? crying makes your throat sore. I forgot what it was like for a while, I remember laying in your arms wondering if I'd ever have a reason to cry again. now I can't seem to help myself.

keep your wings clean for me, white looks good on you. its a shame you couldn't wear the wedding attire i wished to see you in one day. you would've looked amazing.

I'll write again, missing you is the greatest honor.

sincerely, your osamu.

[hannieehaee]

content: badboy!wonwoo (he's actually a cutie pie he's just v careless with his safety T-T), established relationship, break up, angst, fluffy ending (it's always fluffy endings here or i die), mentions of shady work, mentions of bruises, etc.

part 2

wc: 1191

a/n: thank you so much to the person who requested this!! im rlly bad with angst so this was hard haha if any of u want a smutty continuation pls lmk <3 i was gonna finish w smut but i wasnt sure ;-;

masterlist

"how can you expect me to care about you when you have such little regard for yourself?"

those were some of the last words wonwoo had heard from you last time he saw you.

he had, once again, arrived home late, blue and grey from yet another altercation he'd found himself in. he had promised you he'd leave his shady past behind. that he'd take care of you and you'd exist happily together, never having to worry for the other's safety.

it had taken you a while to break, begging him to put you out of your misery and either leave you or promise you a life in which you wouldn't be terrified every time he stepped foot out of the door. living without you was just unconceivable for wonwoo, which left him with only one choice.

he managed to keep his promise for about a week or two, happy to arrive punctual at home every night and find you waiting for him, more than ready to shower him with your affections.

he hadn't meant to break his promise. nothing broke him more than the look in your eyes as he entered your shared home, two hours late and with twenty missed calls from you. his skin was once again covered with bruises, disheveled hair and exhausted state to match. he hadn't thought this would be the end. that despite of his pleas to please stay, you'd still pack your bags, eyes filled with tears as you cried at him that you couldn't stay and watch him slowly kill himself like this. what you hadn't realized was that nothing could kill him more than your absence.

~

it had only been two weeks since you left him. two weeks since his last genuine smile graced his face. two weeks since he was able to sleep. and most ironically, two weeks since he'd gotten into some type of life-threatening altercation. his bruises had healed by now, taking longer than usual now that he didn't have you to tend to him like before. he still kept up with you, watching you from afar as you cruised through life. he didn't want to make you uncomfortable, hoping to respect your decision to leave and take his heart with you, but your absence was too much for him. if he couldn't have you, he'd at least watch you from afar, dreading what he had lost. so that's what he did, and thats what he was currently doing right now.

you were attending some party, he'd found out. which meant he needed to be in attendance too and watch over you. he felt dejected as he watched you have fun with your friends, sad that maybe the breakup just hadn't been that big of a deal to you. maybe you were truly better off without him. maybe he needed to leave you alone and allow you to enjoy life without a burden such as jeon wonwoo.

he wanted to leave, he truly did, but his body wouldn't let him. he just wanted you back into his life so badly. everything had turned bleak the moment you left, making him just a shell of himself. he wanted to approach you and get on his knees (in front of all the wasted party goes, even) and beg you for forgiveness. he wanted to cry out to you how much he loved you, that you were the light of his life, that he'd leave it all behind for you. but he was too much of a coward to do that. so, he prepared himself mentally in order to leave, sparing one last look your way before disappearing into the crowd. except you were gone. in his distracted state, you had left. your friends were still there, but you were the sole disappearance. wonwoo knew he should've just left you alone, but he couldn't live with himself if something were to happen to you.

he frantically looked for you for a good five minutes before finding you in some empty balcony, sitting down against the rail with your legs hanging from it. he could only see your profile, but was able to spot the shine of your cheeks, a clear indicator that you'd been crying. he once again couldn't help himself when he spoke up.

"baby?" he was slow at approaching you, not wanting to surprise you too much.

you jumped a bit anyways, "wonwoo? what are you doing here?"

"i ... i wanted to see you. i'm sorry"

you had gotten up, now facing him but keeping yourself closed off, arms wrapped around yourself and eyes not meeting his, very much unlike your usual affectionate self.

"wonwoo ... you can't keep doing this. i know you've been following me around. you need to leave me alone."

"i .."

"do you think this is easy for me? i love you. so fucking much. i just cant watch you get hurt over and over. i cant wait home late not knowing if you'll actually come back," you'd began ranting, your emotions getting stronger by the second, "every time you leave it's like i have to hold my breath, and i cant breathe until i have you back to me safely. i can't do this anymore. i love you, i-"

wonwoo couldnt take it anymore. he walked the rest of the way and held onto you. he lightly grabbed you and placed you in his arms, engulfing your shaking form against his chest. you'd begun crying halfway through your speech, your words becoming slurred and you shook and sniffled throughout. wonwoo couldn't physically handle seeing you in such distress without wanting to take it away. so he held onto you. what surprised him was that you held him back. you nuzzled your face into his chest, wrapping your arms tightly around him as you sobbed against him, crying that you loved him.

"i love you ... so fucking much," pulling away, he made sure to look into your eyes as he spoke, "i can't exist without you. i'll stop- i stopped. i'll leave it all behind for you. we can leave. together. i'll do anything for you, just- please. please come back to me. i love you."

"wonwoo ..."

"i mean it! i'll keep you safe. i'll keep us safe. we can start new. just us. you'll never have to worry about me again, i promise. just need you back. please. i can't do this without you, i-"

like in any other cliche, you pulled him into you, kissing his words back into his mouth. but he didn't care. he kissed all emotions right back into yours, letting all the sadness he had in him dissipate against your lips. you kissed until you became lightheaded, sighing against each other's lips even when you were out of breath, refusing to pull away. wonwoo was finally the one to pull away, almost losing his mind at the way your lips chased after his.

"let me take you home? i love you. wanna take care of you."

and with that, you walked back into his life, hand in hand, with the promise that his love for you would keep him safe.

[frickingnerd]

find me when it's all over

pairing: annabeth chase x gn!reader

summary: after a quest gone wrong, during which annabeth goes missing, you finally reunite with her a month later in camp halfblood

tags: angst to wholesome fluff, happy reunion, kissing, silly banter / teasing, annabeth calling reader 'idiot' (lovingly)

you had been waiting for weeks for annabeth to come to you. a simple quest, that should've only taken her a week, turned into something bigger. and before you knew it, a whole month had passed by, since you had heard anything from annabeth. and people started to speculate…

“i wouldn't be surprised if annabeth and her team didn't come back. even the simplest quest can lead to death for a halfblood…”

“maybe annabeth wasn't as strong as she thought she was and got herself killed by some monsters”

“i don't want to believe that she's dead… but it's been too long since we last heard from her…”

you've heard all sorts of thoughts and opinions on the matter. but no matter what anyone else said, you believed in annabeth. part of it was desperation, hoping that your girlfriend was still out there, alive and well. but you knew you weren't just telling yourself those things without anything to back it up. annabeth was a strong girl. the strongest you knew. if anyone could make it, it was her! she'd come back to you. you were sure of it!

and eventually, the day came. or rather, the night, in which you'd finally get to see annabeth again.

after two weeks of no contact with annabeth, you had begun to spend your nights away from your cabin. if annabeth were to return, you wanted to be the first to see her. and so, you waited near the barrier of camp halfblood, camping out there every night. and all that waiting paid off, when one night, you saw a group of people from the distance, that got suspiciously close to the barrier.

armed with a small weapon and a flashlight, you made your way towards the barrier. near a big tree, you waited for the group to get closer. until eventually you could hear voices. and a voice you'd recognize anywhere.

“chiron and mr. d are going to kill us for being gone for so long…”

“we shouldn't worry about them right now. more importantly, i think we all have someone at camp that we can't wait to see again. i know i have…”

that voice was annabeth's! there was no doubt about it. which meant that the person she couldn't wait to see again could only be…

“i hope you're talking about me!”

annabeth jumped as she heard your voice. she hadn't noticed you yet and only spotted you when you turned on your flashlight a couple seconds after speaking up. but when she found you, a smile spread on her lips as she ran up to you, leaving her companions a bit behind her.

“y-you're here–!”

you would've never believed you'd ever hear your girlfriend stutter. but annabeth simply couldn't believe her luck, as she wrapped her arms around you with such force that she almost knocked the two of you over, making you stumble back a few steps.

“of course i'm here! i've been here for a month, waiting for you to come home…”

your tone was playful, but you were just trying to hide how glad you were to see annabeth again. if you'd show how you truly felt about seeing her again, you'd likely cry until dawn.

“i'm so sorry i made you worry…”

“oh i wasn't that wo–”

before you could finish your sentence, annabeth gently smacked the back of your head and glared at you.

“don't act so nonchalant! i know you missed me, just like i missed you, idiot…”

you could swear you could see a faint blush on your girlfriend's cheeks. but in that darkness, it was hard to be sure. either way, you chuckled amused and leaned in, resting your forehead against annabeth's.

“i've missed you too, idiot~!” you whispered softly. “you can't even imagine how much…”

annabeth was just about to lean in for a kiss – one that was much needed, after being apart for so long – when her two companions finally caught up to her.

“annabeth–!”

they called out her name, making your girlfriend sigh quietly, as she pulled away from you.

“yes?”

“we want to speak to chiron as soon as we can! are you coming along?”

annabeth hesitated to reply, clearly wanting to stay with you for a bit longer, after being apart for so long. but you made the decision for her, gently kissing annabeth's forehead, before pulling away from her.

“go ahead, i can wait. i've gotten pretty good at waiting for you, you know~?”

annabeth rolled her eyes, as a small smile hushed over her lips. she pressed a quick kiss onto your lips, before jogging up to her companions, as she called out to you:

“i promise, i'll be back soon! you won't have to wait another month for me again~!”

[elli3luvs]

falling in love at a coffee shop pt. 4 [ELLIE W]

summary: when your favorite barista turns out to have a girlfriend (an ex? you weren't too sure) you got cold feet and ran

genre: fluff/angst

wc: 2.5k

a/n: lord.... im so sorry this took so long and tbh im not happy with it at all LMFAO im thinking either one or two more parts to this as well! so sorry i haven't been updating recently life has come at me hard! im hoping to get fewer hours at work so i can have some free time bc omfg!

part three

The phone buzzing against the desk was seriously starting to distract you. It had been going off incessantly since you left Ellie's house in a rush, and you just assumed it was her wanting to explain her side of the story. To be honest, you didn't really want to hear it. Your heart felt like it was torn into two earlier this morning. But you should've known, someone that attractive and funny and kind had to come with some sort of baggage. You just didn't expect it to be a whole girlfriend.

Your thumbnail was sitting in between your teeth as you slightly nibbled on it. Dina was laying across from you with worry etched into her features. She was usually amazing with words, never having trouble gossiping or giving advice, but when you came storming in with tears about to fall over your lash line, she couldn't quite find the words to console you. She awkwardly stammered until she realized all you wanted was moral support. 

The phone had only been silent for a minute before it started buzzing again. You groan, sitting up to finally grab the stupid device. The buttons on the side were squeezed under your fingers until you could swipe to fully cut off the phone.

Now it couldn't bother you anymore.

Dina sits up, staring at you with pity, "Would it hurt to just hear her out, maybe? Didn't you say you heard her say something about breaking up?"

You gnaw on your bottom lip, "I can't," Dina seems upset at your choice, "Seeing that girl, Cat I think, in front of Ellie was like a slap in the face. She could've been lying about breaking up, Dee. I just don't know." You sigh, crossing your arms to try and soothe yourself a bit.

Dina jumps off of the bed and makes her way to you, a grin spreading over her lips as if she just thought of the best idea. Knowing Dina, you had a feeling about what she was about to say. 

"Wanna get trashed?"

--

The bar was packed even though it was a random Tuesday night. Sounds of college-aged people screaming the song playing filled your ears and chatting with their friends filled your ears. Dina had already shimmied to the bar, ordering a drink for you and for her, before making her way to the dance floor. She was gone with the wind now. You only hoped she would make it back to your dorm without you dragging her home. You decided to keep a low profile and hang by one of the back walls. It was better that way.

You didn't feel like dancing away your inner struggles. Realistically, you needed to talk to Ellie about this. But how could you just call her up when you ignored her for a whole day? A shiver went down your spine when you thought about the conversation that was going to have to take place.

A part of you was still mad at Ellie. You didn't want to have the conversation. But you were going to have to be mature about it one day. You couldn't just ignore her forever.

A voice cut your running thoughts off, "Aren't you?" You turn around to meet Jesse's eyes, "Hey, it is you! How ya' doing?" As kind as ever, he gives you a side hug while enthusiastically greeting you. 

"I'm good!" You shout over the music. He motions to the cup in your hand and you nod, "Some sort of tequila."

He grimaces, "Oh, lord. You tryin' to die or somethin'?"

You purse your lips, "Yeah. Something like that."

Jesse pats your shoulder while laughing off your statement, "How did things go with Ellie? Man, she was so excited about it." His hands shoot up to gesture, "That's all she could talk about last shift was how you were gonna go over to her place. She was like a kid in a candy store!"

Your heart shatters. It felt awful to ignore her like that and a part of you wondering if you were acting crazy. Ellie said she could explain, yet, you just left her. Then you turned your phone off as if you couldn't give her the time of day.

Your eyebrows pinch, "It was good... until..." The words die in your throat. Jesse was a good friend of Ellie's and you had come to get pretty acquainted with him but was he a good one to confide in?

His face falls into confusion, "Until?" You see a flash of concern before his face returns to the original confusion.

"Until," You bite the bullet. Now is as good of a time as ever to pour your heart out, "Until her ex or maybe girlfriend? Until whatever she was came over. I totally left Ellie after not giving her a moment to explain. I'm starting to feel like a little bit of a bitch about it..." A fake half-laugh comes out to deflect how truly awful you felt.

Jesse's eyes widen and he sets his drink down, fully turning toward you, "Woah, woah. Was her name Cat?"

You nod and Jesse rubs his hands over his face. The loud techno music silents his hushed curses before he grabs your wrist to drag you out of the bar. The drink in your hand flies out as your legs try to keep up with his wide stride. Your eyes scan the room until you see Dina — who is cheering you on? She looks at you with a thrilled expression before giving you a thumbs up.

Oh my God.

Words of protest spew out of your mouth, trying to get him to just slow down yet Jesse only walks faster. Once you make it to the parking garage he turns back to you. You just hope he ignores the way you are trying to catch your breath. 

Jesse starts to fidget with his hands as if he's thinking over what he's about to say. 

Your anxiety spikes when he finally asks you what he wanted.

"Is it okay if I take you to Ellie's?"

--

The ride over to Ellie's house felt as if it took forever. The beating in your chest almost had you sick as you thought of all the possible things that could happen. What if Ellie completely rejected you after this? What if she looked at you with disgust and contempt when she opened her door? What if that Cat girl answers the door instead? You slide down farther into the passenger seat as the anxiety-ridden thoughts became too much.

You were beginning to recognize the area. It didn't make you feel any better — it just meant you were that much closer to having to be mature and talk through what happened. As much as you enjoyed hiding from those complicated feelings, you couldn't do that right now. 

Jesse taps his steering wheel while taking in a deep breath, "Look, I know you're nervous and all but... you really shouldn't be," You lift your head to look at him, "She's really into you. I think she will be over the moon that you decided to talk this out face to face."

You purse your lips, "Yeah, but what if she isn't? I left in a completely bitchy way."

Jesse shakes his head, "Trust me, I would've done the same thing if I woke up to Cat's shrill whining."

You were slightly taken aback, "What do you mean by that?"

"I think it's better if Ellie explains that to you."

The air from the vents blows on your face, warming it up. The city lights slowly started to disappear behind you.

"If I know anything about Ellie," His car goes into park. Your head whips to your right and there it was — her house, "She loves giving second chances. Now, go talk this through. I do not wanna deal with a mopey Ellie tomorrow." He jokes around. His words made you feel somewhat better but as you opened the car door and the cool air hits your face, the anxious feeling started to creep up again.

The steps took you a good 30 seconds to get up — stopping every so often to look back at Jesse's car to which he would lift his hands in a supportive motion. Like a father telling their son to, 'go get 'em, tiger!' except he wasn't your dad and you weren't ready to get 'em.

When the large oak door is finally in front of your face, you turn around one last time but Jesse's car was pulling off now. At least he waited until you were fully on the doorstep. It was now or never.

Never sounded pretty good.

Working up courage was never your strong front and god, you wished Dina was beside you to knock on the door but she wasn't. You were going to have to do this. Your hand makes contact with the door producing three heavy raps against the door.

She doesn't answer. She doesn't answer for a while. There isn't even a sign of life behind the door. All you hear is the cars honking faintly where you came from.

You begin to feel hopeless. Deciding to give her one final chance, you knock even louder this time. When you hear rustling on the other side of the door, your stomach lurched. 

"Coming..." Her voice sounded solemn. A grimace pulled at your features at the sound. You caused that.

The door swung open, it seemed like she didn't even look into the peephole, and she openly gawked at you for a couple seconds — a dusty pink rose underneath the smattering of freckles on her cheeks. Her socked foot tapped against the wooden floor as she leaned against the door. She finally snapped out of her catatonic state.

"Uh," She voices first, "What are you doing... here?" The words were strangled as they came out.

You take your bottom lip in between your teeth. There was no dancing around this, "Can we talk? About this morning?"

Ellie perks up a bit. There is a look of pain still lingering but she looks more eager to share what actually happened. You were eager to hear it. 

"Yeah," She opens the door further, waving you to come in, "Please come in. It's cold."

Stepping inside her house gave you a weird feeling. There was such a great memory inside of here but also one that left you with the worst bitter taste in your mouth. You wanted nothing more than to make more amazing memories in here but you needed to hear what exactly happened this morning.

Ellie guides you to the couch, the couch where you talked for hours, which looked as if she had lived on it for the past 10 hours. There were blankets stacked upon each other while water bottles were littered along the table in front of the couch. You saw the noise cancelling headphones strewn on the table and figured that's why she didn't answer.

You sit down on the edge, rubbing your hands on the front of your thighs. Ellie joins you except she is leaning back on the couch but you can tell with how she's wringing her hands, she's just as nervous.

"I guess the most burning question I have is," Ellie sits up at the sound of your voice. Like she was ready to give you any answer you needed, "Who was she? Why did she seem so hurt by me being here?"

Ellie clears her throat, hands tapping on her leg now as she searches for the right words, "That was Cat, my ex-girlfriend," It would be a lie to say you didn't feel some sort of relief at that, "She is having a hard time coming to terms with that, though. As you saw, she still frequently comes to my house even if I tell her not to." Ellie gives a pained laugh before flicking her eyes over to you to gauge your reaction.

You sigh at that, "How long has it been? Since you broke up?"

"Oh," Ellie scoffs, "A while. It's been around.... 7 months? 7 and a half? Long enough. Jesse calls her a pimple that just won't leave." It suddenly makes sense why Jesse wanted you to come talk to her. 

A tension lifts off of your shoulders at that. Ellie wasn't playing you for a fool. She just had a clingy ex. Your hand reaches out to grab hers, which she lets happen without any sort of resistance. Ellie even looks at you while a smile tugs at the corners of her lips.

Guilt settles deep within your chest now. You wanted to smile back but the dreadful emotion was eating at your chest. Ellie notices how your body went from relaxed to tense again. She twists back to you.

"Hey, you've gone rigid on me again," She jokes, her hand soothingly stroking your forearm, "What's wrong? Please, tell me or ask me anything. I'll say it all. I don't wanna keep secrets."

Your eyes flicker over to meet hers, tears brimming your waterline. Ellie shakes her head at the sight as if she's telling you not to cry. But the tears still sit in your lash line, threatening to spill over. Ellie's hand comes up to cup your face while the hand holding your hand squeezes tightly trying to reassure you.

You try to blink away the tears but instead one drips down causing Ellie to coo, "I feel like a bitch, Ellie. Didn't even give you the chance-"

Ellie cuts you off, "I wouldn't have given me a chance to explain either," Her voice wobbles a bit, "I don't blame you, who wants to get woken up by that? I just was scared I, fuck is it too early? Whatever, I was scared I lost you this morning."

You purse your lips at that while you shake your head. Ellie continues, "I know we haven't known each other for a while but I want to continue to see you. I think... I think I really like you." Her face flushes a bright red as she says that. Her palm precipitates a light sheen of sweat while she waits for your response. You can see her mentally preparing for the rejection.

You decided not to keep her waiting. She had done enough waiting today, "I want to continue to see you too."

The beaming expression she gives you clears any guilty emotions you had lingering. Now you just needed to show Ellie how much you liked her.

tags: @ellieismami, @minillie, @dankpunks, @elliesgff, @muthafuckingstargirl, @deafelliewilliams, @pinkazelma, @fairybr3ad, @me-and-your-husband, @intrnetdoll, @kyleeservopoulos, @elliewilliamsmunch, @champagnelovers101, @amelies-a-simp, @gloomychuuu, @s1decha, @ellieapologist3, @wrendermedone, @robinbuckleys-wife, @waywardpiratebird, @parkers myth, @guacala, @pinknightsinmymind

[maknaeswrld]

heartbreak is a part of life | l.mh

wc: 1.2k

genre: ANGST; best friends to strangers; multi POV??

cw: literally no happy ending (for reader); talks of marriage; depression; sad cereal; angst; let me knows if I missed anything

part one: when you loved me

You stayed in your room, hiding under your blankets. You had turned your phone off after several concerned texts from Jun, you didn’t want anything that reminded you of highschool, with the only exception being the jacket you cocooned yourself in.

Your stomach growled its displeasures with you, but you still didn’t move until the hunger pains hit. 

Slowly pulling the covers away from yourself, you dragged your body out of bed and stumbled your way to the kitchen. You heard hushed whispers before you even got out of the hall, and they shut up quick when they heard you coming.

You ignored your roommates in your kitchen as you shuffled to the cabinet and grabbed a box of your favorite cereal and poured yourself a large bowl. You shuffled back by them after pouring your milk and headed back to your room.

“Shit, that's her sad cereal and her comfort jacket. It’s really bad.” You heard Nat whisper from behind you.

You sat at your desk and slowly ate your cereal. It was soggy and gross by the time you finished it and your stomach was upset. You knew you should've eaten something more substantial than a sugar filled childrens breakfast, but nothing else sounded even slightly appetizing and adding throwing up to the list of things gone wrong in the past twenty-four hours was not something you wanted to do.

You fell into a horrible routine, you were sluggish and zombie-like, half hearted with everything you did, and exhausted. You hadn’t slept well in weeks and even your co-workers were starting to notice. 

You had never gone through depression before, but you didn’t need to go to a doctor to acknowledge that was what was going on with you.

One day, you came home from work early, hoping to soak in a nice long bath and hide out for a while, instead you opened your door to the sound of voices filtering in from the kitchen. They didn't notice you and you thought maybe you could sneak past the doorway without drawing attention to yourself but froze when you heard his name.

“We can’t tell her, she’s barely starting to pick back up, it’ll shatter her world.”

“She’s strong, she’ll get through it, but Minho’s engagement will be plastered everywhere before the end of the day. I just think it’ll be better hearing the news from us rather than a random magazine dealer on her way home from work.”

You knew you weren’t meant to hear this conversation, and you definitely didn’t want to, but even with tears in your eyes and your already fragile heart shattering into pieces, you silently leaned against the wall and listened.

“She’s been through hell, Jun. I have never seen her so torn up. If we tell her, I have no idea how she’ll take it. She just found out she’s in love with her high school best friend and has been for years, the last thing she needs is to find out he’s getting married.”

“We can’t just hide something like this from her forever, Lia. Min wants to invite her to the wedding. She has a right to know.” 

You heard your roommate blow out a breath of frustration, you could picture her rubbing her cheekbones under her eyes like she usually does when she's stressed about something.

You didn’t want to hear any more. No longer caring about being unnoticed, you dashed by the kitchen, head tilted down to hide the tears blooming in your eyes. You ran to your room, ignoring the sounds of surprise and calls of your name. 

You locked your door and leaned back against it. You ignored Lia pounding on your door and calling out to you, you didn’t pay any mind to Jun’s usually calm voice breaking with concern, all you could do was stand in shock as you processed what you had heard them saying, tears staining your face. 

You moved like a ghost as you walked to your desk. You continued to ignore your friends as you pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. In an unsteady sprawl, you wrote out seven simple words, folded up the paper, and stuck it in the small hidden pocket on the inside of the jacket that you had treasured for so long.

You calmed your breathing and gently folded up the jacket. Opening the door, you came face to face with your two worried friends. As they both looked you over, they noticed the jacket at the same time, Lia confused as to why you were holding your comfort jacket instead of wearing it, and Jun wondering how the hell you still had one of the dance team's jackets after all these years.

Your voice was unsteadier than you were hoping it’d be as you held the treasure out towards Jun. 

“Can you give this to him and tell him congratulations for me? And sorry that I won’t be able to make it to his wedding?”

Jun took the jacket hesitantly, looking to Lia first as if asking for permission. Once it was in his hands you gave them a shaky smile and nodded before walking back over and crawling into your bed. You would’ve shut the door, but knew Lia, and your other roommates when they got home, would feel a little bit better if they could peek in every now and again to make sure you were alright.

Jun left a while later, the jacket feeling heavy on his arm.

He arrived at the company building twenty minutes late for practice and slightly out of breath. He said a quiet hello to the lady at the front desk as he rushed to the practice room. Minho noticed him the second he walked through the doors, pausing the song he was teaching and calling for a water break before walking over to his friend.

“Where have you been? I didn’t think you were gonna make it.” Minho said, voice grumpy but eyes concerned as he looked his friend over, quickly taking notice of the jacket. “Is that..?” 

Jun hesitated but held it out to him. “Y/n says congratulations, also she is sad to say she won’t be able to attend the wedding.” Minho looked at the jacket. He knew exactly which jacket it was. He hadn’t thought about it, or the note he had left in it, for a while. He always got sad when he thought about her. He assumed she found the note and got weirded out, which led to her never contacting him again. Sometimes he wondered how things could have been if he wasn’t such a coward in high school, but he couldn’t complain too much. He had his dream job, his gorgeous financée whom he loved dearly, and most of all he did it by the sides of some of his best friends in the whole world. 

Even so, the what ifs flash by every now and again. 

A sudden curiosity flooded him as he wondered if you ever even found the note. It was entirely possible it was still in the pocket. He ignored the fact that the jacket was completely covered in your scent, one that hadn’t changed even after all these years, and unzipped the pocket. 

He noticed there was a note, but not his. This one looked clean, as if it was newly placed there. He pulled it out and unfolded it, reading the words that were written there in your gorgeous, steady handwriting.

“Thank you for when you loved me.”

a/n: thank you so much for reading, feedback is always always appreciated🫶🫶

Alternate Ending: love is worth the wait

[presidentlokis-hornyhelmet]

Hello, uh- if you don't mind- could you do something of Pavitr comforting a transmasc(he/him) person going through dysphoria? for example wearing baggy clothes more often, having hard times sleeping, general body dysmorphia, etc?

I would prefer romantic with fluff/angst but no smut please!!

and if possible,, could it maybe include some fluffy kisses and cuddles?

sorryyyy if not that's totally good it's just that he's a comfort character for me and I would really appreciate the comfort right now. if you do end up replying- thanks so much and I love your work!!

Handsome-est Of All

Trigger Warnings: Gender Dysphoria, Body Dysmorphia, Light Angst, Fluff and Angst, dealing with transphobia, Negative Thoughts, pav being the sweetest bf, misuse of fairy tales dialogues mwahaha A/N: anon, may I just hug you for this ask? Because Ajsjdhjsk thank you for this one so much! <3 D/n = dead name Y/n = your name

Also read on AO3

They had called. Again. 

You had finally come out as your true self after so long, moving to a new residency to avoid bullying and abuse - the least thing you could do for yourself. It wasn't completely safe out there yet for trans people, but you managed. 

Yet somehow, they knew. 

You cursed yourself. Should've never picked up the damn call! But perhaps, you had hoped there was at least a teeny tiny bit that they changed, that maybe you can make them understand; what it meant to you, how it was.. different and freeing. How this lifted the weight you've been subconsciously carrying since ever. How it felt as if being let out of a coffin; you could finally breathe.

But they had to ruin that too. 

"Are you still not out of that phase, yet?" "C'mon, D/n, snap out of this." "Really? And what are you going to do about ..that?" "You still have it!" "We won't support you if you keep this up." "You just want attention." 

You've cut the call long ago but those words.. they keep swirling in your head. You know none of it is true but.. but.. 

You sigh. The body dysmorphia you tried so hard to fight was back. And even if you know who you are now, it didn't stop the hurt. Tears flowed on their own volition down your cheeks.

Everything you had been running and tried to run from caught up to you. And that feeling of being stuck in the wrong body. It was like being young again -feeling lesser than, feeling like your body was always missing something, feeling like you were someone else... and the stress it put on you to conform to something you aren't.

It's just a phase. 

You'll grow out of it. 

It's still there!

"Why does life have to be hell for me!? It's not my fault I was born this way!", you cry, clutching your knees to your chest as you weep. 

The oversized hoodie sags around you. Why am I never enough!? Why can't I just have a normal life!? Why am I WRONG!?

Add to that sleepless nights, eating disorders and hiding your wrong body under baggy clothes. You wanted to pass, but you couldn't risk binders due to medical conditions. Sometimes, it feels as if everything is against you, like it's closing in on you. Your hand begins to shake from the stress and you grit your teeth and take deep breaths to calm down. 

'It's not your fault. It's not your fault, Y/n', you reassure yourself. 

Sniffing, you move to the bathroom to wash you face. Bad choice. You forgot about the mirror inside and when you saw your reflection in it, the nightmare returned. The same reason you've avoided taking pictures. All too stupidly feminine, not masculine enough how much ever you try, stupid boobs, stupid voice, stupid wrong body. You turn yourself around: fat in the wrong places, too big, too short, too lean, too wrong.

It's still there.

You wish to stop the voices in your head, it hurts, but you can't. It feels like spiraling into a wormhole and it's mentally draining. Depression pulls you into the void and any thought you had of eating has been gone. You quickly splash water on your face and get out of the bathroom, back to your bed. 

Curled up into a ball, you sigh, letting the tears flow freely. If only I can be right for once..

_____

Pavitr swings home buying take out for his favorite roommate and boyfriend- You. It was your favorite street food, and nevermind if it was past midnight now because you'd always be up for this one dish. 

But also because Pav was concerned you weren't eating properly. He had observed your eating habits change for the past couple days but he didn't show he knew it, not wanting you to hide from him too. 

You knew of his secret identity so it's not a surprise when he sticks to your closed window in full spider-hero attire, knocking to be let in. 

_______

"Hey, lover boy, let me in!"

You startle, not expecting him so soon. He usually comes back in the early morning after a whole night of patrolling the city.

Quickly wiping your eyes and making sure it isn't obvious, you pull down your baggy hoodie to cover your body. Finally, you open the window, hoping nothing seemed suspicious. 

"You okay, Y/n?", he asks even before he steps in. "Were you crying?" 

He knew you were when you didn't respond with the usual Three Little Piggies dialogue. 

"No -no, just.. wasn't expecting you so early. All good?" 

You didn't want him to know they got to you. And perhaps, you feared that they may be right and Pavitr will agree too, despite knowing he doesn't. 

"They called again?" 

Your silence is all the answer he needs to come and sit beside you. "Wanna talk about it, babe?" 

You shake your head and he goes quiet, pulling you into a hug, patting a soothing hand down your back as tears fill your eyes. Somehow it feels better with Pav just being there. 

Life was so much tolerable with him being there for you. 

"Why do only bad things happen to me!?", you sob, clutching his shoulder tightly like a lifeline. You fear if you let go, it might all be a dream and you'll wake up in your cold bed back there, stuck in the same body you've tried to get out of. "Why am I never enough?" 

Why must I always be a disappointment!? Why can I never be right!?

Pavitr simply cradles you in his embrace, kissing away your tears and whispering words of reassurance. He holds your hand and brings it to his chest as you rest your head on his shoulders, the steady thump of heartbeat beneath your palm calming you down. 

You choke out a sigh, tears slowing down. Why is it so hard to have a normal life?

"C'mere, big boy." 

You lean your head back to look up at him and Pavitr responds by kissing the edge of your lips sweetly. “I want you to always remember that I’m here for you. I care about you and I’ll support you no matter what, okay? Forget about those assholes." 

You were unable to respond verbally with the sadness overwhelming you, negativity corrupting your thoughts. And Pavitr knew exactly the doubt plaguing your mind. 

"You are a man, and no one can change that." 

For some reason you are still unable to accept it, shaking your head as you push yourself further into the crook of his neck, quietly feeling the rise and fall of his chest as he kisses the top of your head. His musk cologne is relaxing and finally, you're in control of your emotions but you still can't look up. 

"I look too feminine", you mumble, fidgeting with the sleeve of your blue hoodie, trying to pull it down and sag your body so your chest isn't too obvious.

Blue was a color that makes you feel better, feel more masculine and comfortable in times like these. 

"You're always a man to me, babe. Plus, you just don't vibe female, my handsome Prince." 

The words are magic and they instantly make you feel better. And coming from Pavitr Prabhakar means a lot to you. 

A stray tear escapes your eye, but this is one of joy. Pavitr surges forward, peppering your face in kisses making you laugh. 

"Aww, I didn't know you were such a sappy guy!" , you tease but he just grins in reply. It's contagious, making you grin too. You cup his face and lean in for a kiss. "And you're my Knight in Shining Spider armour." 

It's the first time you guys have kissed like that -deep and full of emotion- and he's quite mesmerized, eyes closed even after you pull away. Sure, you've kissed before but this, for some reason is absolutely magical. 

Your stomach chooses just then to rumble embarrassingly loud. And sure enough, Pavitr had bought your appetite back too. 

Your eyes only then find the street food he's bought for you, the smell wafting to your nose teasingly. Your taste buds get excited, on the verge of salivating. Pavitr encourages you to take it and you eat your fill happily, feeding some to your superhot superhero bf. 

"You just became Boyfriend of The Year, Pav." 

He keeps looking at you in awe, sub-consciously touching his lips. 

"What?", you chuckle, smiling at the silly lovestruck face he's wearing. 

His thumb reaches oh-so-gently to collect the gravy on the edge of your lips, making you all warm and tingly on the inside. Your heart pumps faster as he wipes it off, lingering a bit. This was much more intimate than anything you've ever done and oh, God, his eyes are sparkling in the moonlight -you wanna kiss him so bad. 

"My Handsome Prince, handsome-est of them all." 

__________________

Pav: *gets hit in the face with a pillow* ow, babe You: that is for ruining a romantic moment I've googled a lot and tried to understand.. feedback and concrits are welcome! Pls do lmk if anything is wrong/offensive or needs to be tagged/warned. Hope you enjoyed it! <3

[namorswifeyyy]

Just a little Namor drabble I thought of

_______________________________

THE LIGHT IN MY LIFE

Tags: Angst with some fluff

------------

⚠️ CONTENT WARNING/TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of self harm, reader experiencing depression

--------------------

Summary: You and Namor met on the beach alone together. Even though you're a human, you and him have been finding solace in each other as much more visits been happening. But then you don't see him as much anymore. Wondering when he will come back. Wondering if he even feels the same love you have for him.

_____________________________________________

It's been several months without seeing Namor. You come to this particular beach every day, only to never see him. You even visit at night and he's still not there. You were starting to believe that maybe the feeling wasn't mutual at all. That it was only you who felt that way.

It was night time. You decided to come visit that beach one more time. He might not come but you still had a little bit of hope left.

You hear the waves of the water wash upon the shore, feeling the night's cold air. The sand is cooling on your feet instead of scorching hot like it is in the summer sun. It was peaceful, yet lonely. Not a single person, no animals, not hearing any chatter, just only the soft sounds of the ocean.

You walk over to the shore and sit in front of it. You sigh. You watch the ocean glimmer under the moon lit sky. Not a single sign of Namor's return. "This is stupid." You say to yourself. "I keep coming back for nothing."

You find a sea shell next to you. It looks very familiar. Like the shell Namor gave you on one of your visits. To call him if you need him. Might just be any regular old shell. But then you thought to yourself "Might as well figure out if it really is."

You check the shell to see if a crab is living inside it. And of course, it's an empty shell. You sigh with relief as you blow into the shell. You set the shell down and look at the ocean to see if Namor is coming. Then you look at your arms.

All of the burn scars you inflicted on yourself in the past. You have been spiraling into a deep depression since. Family didn't seem to care, friends didn't seem to notice. Coming to this beach was your only escape from reality. But even your escape seemed pointless to you.

Does Namor even care anymore? What reason could he have for being gone for this long? You start to tear up. One tear trickled down your cheek. You buried your face into your arms. All you wanted was to be close with him again.

You hear something arise from the ocean but didn't care to look. The sounds of faint yet quickened pitter pattering traveled over to your direction. It sounded familiar. Like wings flapping?

You feel a presence of someone beside you. You look up to see who it is. You recognize his dark hair, his pointed ears, the jewelry, all the way down to his green shorts and the winged ankles. You couldn't believe it. Namor.

"Namor? What are you doing here?" You ask, trying to choke back tears. He kneeled down and looked into your eyes.

"I came to see you. I know it's been months and I'm sorry. I should've been here sooner."

You sniffle as you wipe away your tears. "Where even were you? I been waiting for you and I was scared you completely forgot about me."

He went and sat down next to you. "Me and my people are now allies to Wakanda. We had to spend time there and help them. You know I wouldn't forget about you."

You roll your eyes at his statement and get up from where you were sitting. "That's bullshit. It's been several months. Almost a year. Ten months, Namor. I know I'm not entitled to your time but you never told me about this. You think I'm gonna forgive you when you left without saying anything?" You said.

Namor looks at you, like it's the first time all over again. But then his expression changes once he looks at the burn scars on your arms. "Did you do that?" He asks.

You look confused then sigh in frustration. "You didn't even answer my question."

Namor gets up and gets close to you. You know that intimidating stare from anywhere. He looks at you sternly.

"I know you aren't gonna forgive me. And you're not obligated to. But I'm asking you this. What is it that you did to your arms?" He asks, even with a stern tone. Your eyes widened then you look at your arms. Even your expression changes. With a more saddened look.

"I took a lighter to my skin and burned myself." You answered, trying not to cry again. He takes your hand and looks at the scars.

"Is it okay if I ask why?" He ask with a softer, more gentle tone. Your eyes tear up again. You look down at the ground.

"I been hurting myself because I wanted to feel something. My family never cared when it came to my mental health neither did my friends. I felt alienated from everyone. Because apparently I can't be depressed when I have this and that. But it's been eating me alive. And I felt like you were the only one who not only understood me but also gave me a reason to smile."

Namor looked at your arms then at you. He put your arm down and gave you a gentle yet comforting embrace. He rested his head on your shoulder. You tear up even more and hugged him tighter.

He let go of you. "I need you to look at me, okay?" He asks. You look at him, misty-eyed. "Please, promise me you won't hurt yourself again?"

You nod yes. "I promise. I'm sorry I did this to myself. I feel so bad about it and I don't want you to feel bad for me." Your voice starts to break.

"Please don't feel sorry. You know I'm not mad at you. I'm only worried is all. I just don't wanna see you in pain like that. Ever." Namor caresses your cheek.

"I'm really happy that you came back for me." You said as you smiled. He wiped away your tears.

After all this time, it turns out Namor did miss you just as much as you did. You never even thought that he would be this gentle and affectionate with you. Especially with how much physical touch was involved.

"I'm just happy to see you again." Namor smiled back at you, then he looks at your lips. "I have a feeling you might say no but, is it okay if I kiss you?" He asks.

You had a subtly surprised look on your face. You look at the ground then back at him. "You know what? Yes, you can." He pulls you in closer to him and leans in for a kiss.

As soon as your lips touch his, you just feel like you're melting into him. Like the world just stopped. His kisses felt so sweet. Like he was yearning for your touch.

You pulled away and put your arms around his neck. "I hope we continue to have more moments like this often." You said.

Namor holds onto your waist. "I know we will."

______________________________

Reblogs and replies are much appreciated!!

[sanguineterrain]

Twice Bitten, Never Shy - s.h. | e.m.

Summary: Eddie is alive. You don't know how, but it doesn't matter, does it? He's here, except... he's not back. He's been distant; sneaking out, skipping Hellfire. But tonight? You and Steve are finally going to find out why.

Word count: 4.3k

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader x Eddie Munson

Warnings: vampire!Eddie!!! blood drinking, baby!!! if that grosses you out, maybe skip this one. I literally have no clue why Eddie would be a vampire but he is and he's still Eddie. Some self-flagellation (he chains himself up) and starving on Eddie's part, hurt comfort, angst with a fluffy ending.

A/N: oh lord. *drops this and scuttles away* Exposing myself as a vamp Eddie truther. Hope y'all like this one! In this fic, blood drinking provides a relaxing "high" for the drinked (blood provider).

BTW I wrote this with a plus sized/heavier reader in mind but there isn't much description of her body. If that bothers you then *shrug.* Eddie would think everybody's blood is fucking delicious.

Happy almost Halloween! Eddie Munson drink my blood WHEN.

divider by firefly-graphics

"We should do something special."

"Huh?" Steve looks up from where he was stacking videos. “You mean for Halloween?"

"For Eddie," you say. "I think he could use some cheering up."

“Is something wrong?” Steve asks, immediately alert.

“No, no." You shake your head. "I’m just worried about him.”

Steve hums. “Dustin said Eddie's been missing Hellfire.”

Eddie Munson had been pronounced dead seventy-seven days ago. Dustin had returned alone and Steve had held you while you cried. The funeral had less than twenty people, limited to Wayne, Hellfire and the lunch club. After they'd lowered Eddie’s empty coffin into the ground, you’d sprinted into the church bathroom and lost your breakfast.

Two weeks later, Eddie had climbed through an open window in his trailer. He’d nearly given Wayne a heart attack. Bloody and dirty, it'd been short of a miracle no one had called the cops on him. 

But he's back. And that's all that matters. Right?

“Wayne says he hears him creep out at night,” you confess. “Won’t tell him where he’s going.”

You and Steve had found solace in each other after the earthquakes. You’d established a routine of sorts, both of you working to provide relief and comfort for the people of Hawkins. And at the end of the day, you'd slept over Steve's house more nights than not. While Hawkins had only known the earthquakes, those of you who’d experienced Vecna’s horrors up close remained haunted. Steve’s bed had been warm and he hadn't minded when you’d curled up closer to chase away the nightmares.

“Where do you think he goes?” 

You can't see Steve behind the shelves but you hear his implication. No one has an explanation for how Eddie had returned. The frightening thought that perhaps Vecna isn't as gone as you'd hoped lingers. Eddie won't talk about what happened—not with Wayne, and certainly not with any of you. 

“Please don’t make me tell you,” he’d said the first and only time you’d dared to ask. 

“I don’t know, Steve,” you reply quietly. “I wish he’d talk to us.”

He stands and approaches, movies in hand. Steve pulls you close. 

“We could check on him through a movie night?" He holds up three videos. "Eddie hasn't caught up with the new releases. No scary stuff.”

Steve tries for a smile. You mirror it, grateful he's on board. 

“Yeah," you nod eagerly. "And we’ll get food from the diner. Eddie likes their burgers. Do you think he's eating enough? I mean, he has to eat something but I keep thinking what if the Upside Down made it harder. Is Wayne noticing? Should we—"

"Y/N," Steve soothes. "Hey, hey. Deep breath."

You lean against him, forcing air into your lungs. 

“Sorry,” you whisper. “I’m just worried. I miss him. Which is stupid, 'cause he's back but it's not same."

Steve squeezes your hip gently. 

“I know. Gotta say, I miss the old Eddie too."

"I should've checked on him earlier," you lament. "Just seemed like he was avoiding all of us and I didn't wanna push but…" You throw your hands up. "I don't know!" 

"No, I get it. I think checking on him is a smart idea, baby. Eddie’s been acting off and we'll sort it out. I’m sure he’s just been working through what happened, y’know? Like the rest of us.”

“Yeah,” you say, wanting to be as confident as Steve. “You’re probably right.”

The trailer park is dead. You suppose that's due to the fact that most people are still recovering from the earthquakes. You personally aren't too keen on being out after dark either. 

Eddie's van is outside. Wayne's truck is not. Steve jogs up the steps first and knocks on the doorframe. 

"Hey, Munson, it's us! We brought some food and movies. Thought maybe you could use a…" Steve glances at you questioningly. "Night in?" 

"With friends," you add. "If you'll have us."

“I chose the movies,” Steve offers.

“I screened them to make sure they don’t totally suck,” you grin, earning an eye roll from Steve.

No reply. You peer in through the screen door. There are a few dishes in the sink and a single lamp is on by the couch. Besides that, no sign of life. 

"Eddie?" you try again. "You there?" 

"Y/N?" croaks a voice. 

You catch a silhouette of dark curls, just out of light's reach. 

"Hey, Eds," you say softly. "It's us. Me and Steve."

"Uh," comes the reply. "H-hey. What're you guys doing here?"

"Thought you could use some company," says Steve. "We come bearing gifts. Got diner food and everything." He shakes the bag. "Your favorite heart attack on a plate."

"And movies! We can finally make Steve watch all three Star Wars."

"Yippee," deadpans Steve. 

"Oh," Eddie says thinly. "That sounds great, guys. Y’know I'd love to, it's just I'm—I'm super sick. Sick as a dog. You guys should go."

"We don't mind, Eds," you murmur. "We just didn't want you to be alone. Have you eaten? I can make you some soup."

You start to turn the handle. 

"Don't!" he yells, loud enough to startle you. 

Steve rests a hand on your back. "What's going on, man? Everything okay?" 

"Nothing's… I just can't today. Go home, please."

The shadow disappears. You glance worriedly at Steve, who shakes his head. He pulls open the door and you hesitantly follow him in. The lock chain has been snapped off.

"Eds, you don't sound okay…" 

Across the trailer, Eddie's bedroom door slams. You whip your head around. Steve steps forward, holding an arm out to keep you behind him. He sets the food on the counter. 

"Eddie?" you call out, voice getting higher. "Eddie, what’s going on?" 

"I'm fine!" is the instant response. "Go home. I'll c–catch you tomorrow."

There's a thump behind the door. Then a jangling sound, like that of metal. You peek around Steve's shoulder.

"Eddie, this isn't cool," he warns. "C'mon, man. If something's going on, tell us."

You both know what the other is thinking: had Vecna returned? Eddie had his oddities now and then, but he'd never shoot you down like this. 

Steve puts a hand on the doorknob and turns. It's locked. 

"You need to leave." Eddie's voice is sharper, like he's in pain. "I'm serious. Go."

More metal. A heavy clunk. Then Eddie cries out, quick and cut off. 

"Eddie?" you say again, jiggling the doorknob. "Eddie, let us in!" 

"Go away!" he growls, nearly unrecognizable. 

That's enough for Steve. He drags you back and throws all his weight into the door. It splinters open, and you both stumble through. 

"Steve!" You rush to him, hovering. "Oh my God. Are you okay? Anything hurt?" 

"I'm fine." He picks up his head. "I'm… holy shit."

You turn. Eddie is in his desk chair. He's hunched over, wheezing quietly. Around his wrists and chest are thick iron chains. You can see burns where the iron touched his skin. He's paler than usual, alabaster to the point of concern. But the biggest difference is Eddie's eyes. Normally a rich brown, the irises are now a dull red. And they're locked on you. 

He looks mortified you're here, though you'd bet good money he isn't as mortified to see you as you are him. 

"Eddie, oh my God. What—what are you doing? What happened to your eyes? Are you on drugs?" you blurt, going to your knees in front of the chair. “Steve, call an ambulance.”

"No! Don't touch me! Y/N, please. Both of you. You have to leave."

"I'm not leaving you, not when you're chained up! Who did this? Eddie, what's going on?" 

You struggle with the chains; you can hardly believe Eddie managed to heave them over himself. He rolls back before you have a chance to try to free him. He sags against the armrests.  

"Leave 'em," he pants. 

"They're hurting you! Steve, help me," you beg. 

Steve gets closer, then stops.

"Steve, come on," you urge. "He's in pain, what are you…"

Steve looks at you, then at Eddie. Carefully, he steps in front of you. 

"Eddie," he begins. "What happened in the Upside Down?"

"I," Eddie chokes. His eyes are glassy. "I was dead. I am dead."

You stand, about to approach. But Steve holds your arm. Wearily, Eddie watches you. He shuts his eyes and opens his mouth. Long white fangs protrude from his top gums. It's a wonder they don't cut into his lip. 

"Jesus Christ," breathes Steve. 

"Eddie?" you try meekly. "Wh-what…"

"I came back a monster!" he explodes. Steve's grip tightens on your arm. "I have to chain myself down to keep from hurting anybody. I can't eat, can't sleep. Hawkins should hunt me down."

"Don't say that," you say. Your brain is static. "You're not a monster, Eddie. Whatever it is, we can—"

"You need to leave. I can't—"

He crumples with a shout. You jerk forward, slipping out of Steve's grip. 

"Eddie! Ed, talk to me. What's wrong? Steve," you urge. "Steve, please help me get these off of him."

"No," Eddie grunts. "Steve, get her out."

"No!" you yell. "I'm not leaving you like this. Tell me what will fix it. What'll make the pain go away?" 

"I just have to wait it out," Eddie says, but his eyes are sunken, cheeks gaunt. Monster or not, Eddie is killing himself. 

"Not if you're in pain! Is it Vecna? Is he making you do things?" 

"No," Eddie sniffles. "No, he's not, and that's the worst part. It's all me. I'm the fuckin' sicko who has to chain himself up so I'll keep everybody safe."

"Safe from what?" Steve demands. 

Eddie looks at him, maroon eyes wide. And you know. You both do. 

"It's in all the D&D books," Eddie laughs wetly. "Should've seen it coming. Self-fulfilling prophecy, really."

"You… " You swallow. "You can't wait it out forever, Eds," you say. You put a hand on his knee. "You have to eat."

"I can't," he cries. "I tried so many times. But I can't keep anything down. Not even animals. I swear to you."

"I know," you soothe. "I believe you. It's okay."

You bend over him, inspecting the worst of the burns. Steve hovers, still unsure. He winces at the angry red welts criss crossed over Eddie's arms. 

"Steve," you say, swallowing hard so you won't tear up in front of Eddie. "Get the first aid kit. It's in the medicine cabinet."

You'd insisted Wayne have one after he'd sliced his finger fixing your car. 

"Whoa, hold on. What are you doing, Y/N?" Steve asks. 

"We have to tend to the burns. I'll stay with him."

"No," Eddie begs. "I don't trust myself. I don't wanna hurt you, Y/N. I can't. Please don't do this."

"Eds," you hush. "You won't hurt me. It's okay. I'm gonna help you. Steve?"

Steve, after much deliberation, hurries out to get the first aid kit. 

"I don't need first aid," Eddie mumbles. "It'll heal as soon as I take 'em off."

"I figured," you say quietly. "Just wanted Steve to take a minute alone. Will you at least let me untie your feet?"

Eddie had bound his feet with heavy duty nylon rope, and they cut into his ankles.  

"No," he grits. "I have to protect you guys."

So you crawl next to him instead. You aren't afraid. He's still Eddie. 

"How long have you been doing this?" you murmur. 

"C-couple months. Ever since I came back. At first I could ignore it but the hunger pangs got stronger."

You make a soft noise, chewing your lip. 

"You gotta eat, Eddie. This is killing you."

"Can't kill something that's already dead," he huffs. "Anything's better than hurting people. I'll never eat again if it'll keep people safe."

You put a hand to the side of your neck, feeling your blood pulse through your veins. Eddie looks away, face twisted. Steve returns then, tossing the kit beside you. He goes to his knees next to you on the floor. 

"What happened? Y/N?"

"I'm okay," you say. "Eddie's been starving himself since he got back."

Steve's mouth drops in horror. 

"That's almost three months. How are you still going?"

Eddie eyes him warily. "I did what I had to. What if I attacked somebody? Couldn't—"

He stops, whimpering in pain. It's getting worse, his hair matted with sweat. 

"Steve, get these off him," you order. 

"No no, Y/N, you don't understand," Eddie panics shakily. "This is the only thing holding me back."

"You don't have to hold back," you say softly. 

"What're you talking about?" 

You take a deep breath, trying to keep your voice measured. 

"You don't have to hold back because you'll drink from me."

Eddie throws himself backwards at that, shaking his head.

"Nope, no way. Absolutely not. No way in hell."

"Y/N," Steve starts. "Are you sure…"

"He's sick, Steve!" you burst. "This is the only way to help him. What are we supposed to do? Let him waste away?" 

"But what if something happens…"

"Eddie's not some bloodthirsty monster," you snap. "He's starved himself for months and he's still lucid and begging us to leave. He'd die before he asks for help."

Steve's resolve is slipping. Eddie's close to losing consciousness. 

"This isn't something a hospital can fix."

Who knows how much longer he can go like this?

"I can't lose him again," you beg. "He's our friend."

Steve sighs, body sagging in defeat. 

"Okay, okay. But we need ground rules. If you start feeling dizzy or anything, it stops."

"Deal," you agree.

"I'm serious, Y/N. If anything feels off, you have to say so."

"I will," you insist. "Okay?"

"No, not okay, not okay!" Eddie wails. 

"Eddie." You take his hand; it's like ice. "Let me help. I want to do this. You're not hurting me, not forcing me. I promise."

Steve lifts the chains. You help Eddie to the floor. When he doesn’t protest—or, perhaps, is too weak to do so—you scoot closer. He still won’t let you remove the rope, drawing his legs back each time. So you straddle his thighs, hyper aware of not letting all your weight sink onto him. 

"Get comfortable," Eddie says when he realizes what you’re doing. "I can take it."

"I don't wanna hurt you, Eds."

“I got you. Can do that, at least.”

His hand fits over the soft curve of your waist. You glance at Steve, who's now on the bed. He gives a single nod, leg jiggling. You turn back, cupping Eddie's shoulder. His eyes are still a cloudy red. They meet your own. 

"Are you sure about this?" 

You tip your head, presenting your carotid. 

"Yeah, Eds. I trust you."

Eddie hums, fingers digging into your plush hip. His eyes dart to Steve, then to your neck. He holds your other side like you’re made of glass. 

The first pinch of teeth stings. You focus on not reacting too much because anything amiss will spook Eddie beyond reason. His breath is hot on your skin, and as the first sip of blood coats his tongue, Eddie's grip on you tightens. He groans against your neck, hand slipping down to grab the meat of your thigh. You gasp, body growing slack as he drinks. 

"You alright?" Steve asks.

"'M fine," you reply breathily. 

The more Eddie drinks, the heavier your eyelids get. The sting turns pleasant after the first pierce of teeth. You feel oddly euphoric, limbs syrupy. Even better, Eddie's strength returns as he feeds. He holds you to his chest and bends his knees.

The rope snaps like dental floss. He grunts, pulling your thigh over his hip. You cling. It’s getting hard to keep your eyes open. You've never felt like this before. Eddie pushes against you, chest heaving as he greedily gulps.

"Eds," you gasp, hyper aware of your pulse. 

He seems to be in a trance.

"Shit, okay. That's enough, c'mon," Steve urges.

You’re slow in tapping out, feeling floaty. But as soon as you squeeze Eddie's shoulder, he’s off of you. He gasps like he’s just run a marathon. Drops of your blood smear across his lips. His tongue darts out to catch it all. 

Steve supports your weakened body, easing you off Eddie. Your head lolls but you manage a smile, not wanting to worry them. 

"Are you okay, baby? Did I hurt you?" Eddie asks, honed in on your expression.  

"No," you assure. "Feels good."

His brows rise. "It does?"

"Mmhm. Floaty. Like… sleepy but good."

Eddie looks better. Guilty as anything, but you can handle that later. He isn't comatose and that’s all you care about right now. 

"Oh, uh," he says, licking his lips. "I’m glad, then. Thank you."

"You can suck me anytime," you grin, which makes him smirk. 

Steve helps you onto Eddie's bed, and you roll over to watch him. Eddie’s more alert, not desperate for blood. But he’s drumming his fingers and bouncing his leg, something he does when he’s nervous. 

“What’s ‘a matter, Eds?”

“Hmm?” 

You nod slightly. 

“Why’re you all jittery?”

Eddie immediately stills. 

“'M not. I’m okay, really.”

You frown. 

"You're still hungry."

Eddie's eyes dart to you, not dull but still nowhere as vibrant as you know they can be. 

"You need more," you realize.

Of course he needs more. After three months of starvation, it’s impossible one person would be enough. Especially when he’s not bleeding you dry.  

"I'm not drinking anymore from you, Y/N," he tells you. "Absolutely not."

"You have to recover, Eds. How can you heal if you're not properly nourishing your body?"

"I got through it without eating at all. I'll be fine on half a tank. You're staying right there."

Weakly, you push yourself up on your elbows. Steve hurries over, trying to get you to lie back down. 

"C'mon, sweetheart, you gotta rest."

"Eddie won't take care 'f himself," you protest. “What if it doesn’t work, Steve?”

"I'm fine!" Eddie insists. "Really, I feel much better."

Steve chews his lip. "Would more blood get you at one hundred percent?"

"Whether it would doesn't matter, Harrington. I'm not taking any more blood from her."

"I know," Steve shrugs. "Take it from me."

"Steve," you whisper. "Don't do it for my sake. I don't wanna push you—"

"You're not. But you're right: he needs to recover. And nothing will do it better than, uh… food."

Steve coaxes you back to bed. Then he goes to the floor and sits back on his haunches. The look he gives Eddie is pure King Steve, a ghost of the past. You know it’s all for Eddie's sake and maybe yours, this shroud of confidence. 

"So, Munson? What d'you say?" 

Eddie glances at him, shoulders stiff. 

"You don't have to do this."

"I've got more blood than her," Steve reasons. "And you need it."

"I don't need it," even though sweat had begun to gather on Eddie's brow. "And I don't wanna force you into anything."

"You're not," Steve says, gentler this time. "C'mon." 

"You're sure?" 

Steve rests his tongue on his teeth, tilting his head. 

"Yeah, I’m sure. Bite me, Munson."

"If I hurt you…" Eddie begins.

"I'll watch him, Eds. Promise," you say. "Go on, drink. It's okay."

Steve doesn’t sit as intimately as you had. But they aren't far from each other: Eddie holds the side of Steve's neck and Steve grips Eddie's forearm in return, their left legs slotted against each other. 

Steve's breath hitches at the first bite. You see his grip tighten then relax as Eddie drinks. 

"Jesus," Steve gasps. "How is this still not the weirdest thing we've ever done?"

"Nothing beats that Vecna creep," you giggle sleepily. 

Steve’s arm starts to wobble from where it supports his other side. 

"Feel okay?" you ask. 

"Mm," Steve affirms, lids drooping. "Feels kinda nice."

"Tingly, right?" 

He laughs. "Yeah. Warm, too. Sh-shit."

His arm buckles. You can't imagine trying to support yourself while Eddie drinks. The bite is meant to incapacitate, presumably. But Eddie's strong. Each time Steve slips a little further, Eddie hoists him back. Both hands now hold Steve's waist. 

"Wait, Eddie," Steve slurs, tapping Eddie's side. 

Eddie pulls off immediately, wiping the blood with the back of his hand. His eyes are fully crimson now, almost glowing in the dim light. 

"You okay? Steve?" 

"'M fine, just needa lie down. Don't have the strength."

"Oh," Eddie breathes, expression a little wild. "Okay, shit, uh—here."

And easy as anything, Eddie scoops Steve up into his arms. Steve scrambles for purchase, but you know how boneless he feels.

“Let ‘im carry you, baby,” you say. “He’s got you, ‘s okay.” 

Eddie has to do most of the labor. He sets Steve next to you on the bed. You slip your hand in Steve's, drowsily curling into him. 

"Y'want more?" Steve asks, open and trusting. "I can take it."

Eddie licks the drops of blood from where his fangs had pierced Steve's neck. Then, without hesitation, he dives back in, less delicate this time. Steve whines, hips canting slightly. You watch on in a doze, pushing Steve's hair away from his face. Your face presses against his neck, which twitches with each gulp of blood Eddie takes. Lazily, you drag your lips up to the shell of Steve's ear. He whimpers, hand slowly finding the back of your head. 

"Y/N," he gasps.

"Hmm? Y'okay, Stevie?"

"'S good," he sighs. "F-fuck."

Eddie stops before Steve taps out. He pulls back panting, wiping the corner of his mouth with a knuckle. Steve is sedative. You’re nowhere near alert.

"Fuck," Eddie grunts, chest heaving. "Fuck, fuck. All those books that talk about the blood rush made no sense. Now I get it."

As if on instinct, Eddie curls an arm around each of your waists, hefting you up so he can curl into you. You pat his head blindly. Steve only hums, draped over Eddie's shoulder. 

"Feel good, Ed?" you ask. 

"So good," Eddie mumbles. "You guys are warm. Been cold these months. Can’t shake it.”

You feel his forehead with the back of your hand. It’s fruitless, logically; Eddie is dead—or, well, undead. His body temperature isn’t going to be like yours.

Eddie chuckles, vibrating your chest. 

“Don’t think that’s gonna work, sweets. But the blood made me warmer.”

“Tha's good. Can we eat somethin’?” you ask. “Feel dizzy.”

“Oh, shit,” Eddie hisses. “Shit, shit!”

Steve startles, trying and failing to wake up.

“Wha‘s the matter?” he slurs. “Eddie?”

“You need sugar! I had to retake that bio unit twice! Fuck, fuck. Don’t worry, I’m gonna get you something. Stay there, okay? What am I saying, you have to stay there… Jesus.”

Eddie carefully sets you down and climbs over Steve’s legs to race to the kitchen. You seek out Steve, like a flower to sunlight. He hums as you snuggle into him. 

“Weirdest movie night I’ve ever had,” he mumbles.

You smile, kissing his cheek. Steve scrunches his nose happily.

“Are you okay?”

“Mm, yeah. Should recover soon. Feeling a little more clear. ‘M kinda dizzy though.”

“Yeah, we gotta get our blood sugar levels up,” you hum. “I hope Eddie knows leftover lasagna isn’t sugar-rich.”

“Got it!” you hear Eddie call back.

“Hm. Super vampire hearing. Dope,” Steve says.

“It is!” Eddie replies.

“Stop eavesdropping!” you giggle. 

“Can’t help it!”

Eddie’s back in what feels like a minute. He sets down uneven chunks of sliced apples and a sleeve of Chips Ahoy, as well as two glasses of orange juice. Steve starts to try and sit up. Eddie’s quick to help you both up, stuffing pillows behind you.

“I’ll make it more comfy, I promise,” he says, frowning at the way Steve’s head lolls. 

“‘S okay, Eds,” you yawn. “Next time.”

Eddie pauses briefly, then takes a cookie, putting it to your lips. You take it happily, chewing slowly. He brings a slice of apple to Steve, who frowns.

“I can do it, y’don’t—”

“The blood loss hit you harder, big guy. C’mon, take a little,” Eddie coaxes.

Steve pouts for another moment, but eventually opens his mouth, eyes droopy. Eddie beams.

“Good. You’re both so good, know that?”

Eddie brushes a crumb from your mouth.

“So are you, Eds,” you say. “And no more starving yourself, okay? I mean it.”

He nods, looking properly chastened. 

“‘Kay. I won’t. But I dunno where I’m gonna get blood. I suppose I could try animals, but…”

“Hellooo?” Steve huffs, rolling his eyes. “We’re right here, man.”

Eddie blinks. 

“What—”

“Did you think this was a one time thing?” you ask.

“You guys can’t do this every time,” Eddie scoffs.

“Why not?” 

Steve reaches for the juice. Eddie takes it and holds it to Steve's lips before he can. You smile, heart swelling with fondness. 

“There’s two of us,” Steve continues, wiping his mouth with his hand. “It makes sense.”

“Steve, you can’t be serious—”

“The hell I’m not, Eddie. We’re not letting you get sick like that again. Now shut up and let us take care of you.”

Eddie rolls his eyes and feeds Steve another bite of apple.

“Don’t remember you being this bossy, Harrington.”

“Well, that was before earthquakes and vampires, Munson. Tell ‘em, honey.”

“Yeah, Eds,” you say softly. “We’re here.”

“Oh.” He swallows hard. “Fuck. I didn’t—you guys really…?”

You open your arms. Eddie falls into your embrace. You kiss his hair.

“We missed you,” you say. 

“Missed you too,” he whispers. “So much. ‘M sorry I kept disappearing. Was just scared.”

“We’ve got you,” Steve soothes. “No more doing this alone.”

Eddie sniffs, wiping his nose.

“Shit, guys. ‘M supposed to be this badass vampire. You’re cramping my style.”

“Your secret’s safe with us,” you laugh, patting his shoulder. 

“Can big, bad vamps still watch Halloween movies?” Steve asks. “Is that in the handbook?”

“'Course, baby.” Eddie leans in close, fanged grin on display. 

“And don’t worry. I’ll protect ya from the monsters.”

[armpirate]

The Only One || JJK || Ch. 33

Pairings: mafia!jk x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, mafia, contract relationship

Warnings: Prostitution, torture, blood, use of drugs and weapons

Summary: You've always wished for a better life. Every single day at work, you were hoping something would change. Although you didn't think that change would come in the form of one mysterious man and a contract.

His controlling and selfish behaviour only wanted to keep you away from any other man that wasn't him, and you only had to wait for him.

Too bad you really thought you'd be smarter than Jeon Jungkook.

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

Aprox. time of reading: 12 minutes

Seoul, South Korea. 10:13 pm

Jungkook walked around his place, only stopping in front of her room for a brief second, looking at all the things that were once hers -although he knew they would always belong to her no matter what. Turning back on his tracks, he went back to his room, taking his phone out of his pocket just to realize she hadn't called all day. 

She didn't send any texts, she didn't try to call after doing more than ten calls a day. Why was there nothing? Why did she go completely silent out of nowhere? And why wasn't he getting any new information about her?

Last time he received some footage update from the man that was watching her was the previous day. Although he shrugged it off because he thought that maybe Y/n didn't leave her place. He made sure she wouldn't need to work, at least until she was back at him, so it wasn't a surprise there were days she wanted to spend inside her place. But the lack of calls was what made him worry, with that thick voice in the back of his head getting him ready for the worst while he tried to contact the bodyguard.

No signal.

Something made him feel uneasy. There was something wrong, something wasn't working like it was supposed to and he didn't know about it yet, but he could sense it. 

Jungkook could tell there was something going on when she completely gave up on the calls. It was something that kept the two of them connected somehow. But it was gone now. 

—Make sure Jimin picks up the phone —he turned to one of his men—. And come to me when you have him in line. I need to speak to him. 

At the end of the day, whatever happened to Y/n was his responsibility after what Namjoon told him. She was in his territory, and one of his men was the one watching her. And the fact that the both of them were unreachable was pushing him over the edge. 

He supported the weight of his upper body on both of his hands, which were placed over the edge of his desk. His heart was beating fast against his chest, while he tried to find a way to calm his own thoughts. But it was too late. His brain was working at the fastest speed, already putting himself in the worst of the scenarios. 

He should've known better than to send her back to her country, and expect to be able to protect her from afar. He didn't like the idea of leaving her life in someone else's hands, but he did it anyway. It was a risky way to protect her, to save her life. Delusional from him. Because once Y/n entered in his life, she'd always be targeted for the information that she didn't have -but that others thought she did. 

And it was then when he regretted ever agreeing with Namjoon's idea of sending her to the other side of the world. Whoever was after her wouldn't be fooled with the little act Jungkook was putting, and he knew. 

—Sir, mister Park on the phone.

Nodding while reaching for the smartphone with his hand, he motioned the guard to leave him alone in his office. He took a deep breath, trying to sound as calm as possible, knowing that Jimin would probably close himself completely if he started the conversation by attacking him. 

—Kook, I'm busy, what do you want?

—Any news on the guard in the A location? —he directly asked.

They divided the coasts of Spain in a ranking by the importance of the location. Generally, the A was where all the movement happened, and it referred to the whole coast and surroundings by itself than a certain place. But as soon as she landed back there, her house turned into the main priority, taking the highest spot in the location ranking whenever they had to communicate.

—No —Jimin sighed—. I haven't heard a single thing from that lazy ass douchebag for a few days. And it isn't like I want to either.

His response didn't surprise him though. They both agreed that everything that was related to Y/n, territory A and that guard would fall under Jungkook's supervision -unless something bigger happened. 

—Can't you locate him?

—I keep up with where my men are all the time —Jimin sounded pissed—. This morning he was in the same location you sent him to. 

—He isn't answering the phone.

—He isn't? —Jimin's voice suddenly changed with that comment. 

—No, he isn't —Jungkook repeated—. I've called him like twenty times, and there's no answer back. I didn't hear a single thing from Y/n either in a whole ass day. She's in your fucking territory and you aren't able to keep up with what's going on?

—She isn't my responsibility, Jeon —Jimin answered, trying to stay as serious as possible—. The fact that you weren't able to keep your dick in your pants, and brought her into this mess is nobody's problem, but yours. Do you really expect everyone to stop their world for the issues you cause?

Jungkook wanted to be mad at Jimin's words, he wanted to be able to answer back at his friend for what he was saying. But he wasn't wrong. If something happened to her, it would be no one's problem but his. The only one who should feel guilt for that situation was him. 

Not Namjoon, not Jimin. Just himself.

—Jimin, please.

Jimin's frowned eyebrow slightly went back to normal when he heard Jungkook's voice, sounding so soft yet desperate while speaking about her. Usually, he was the type to shrug things off and take things easy. He was trained to keep his mind cold, and he never allowed his feelings to get in between his actions -and the few times it happened, he got a solution after stopping for a moment and thinking deeply about it. But not that time. Jungkook was begging for help, while his vulnerability for that woman was getting in the way. 

They all should've seen it coming when he gave up on Busan, or when he reunited the six members to talk about the imminent retirement that would leave Namjoon as the leader. For the first time since they all knew each other, Jungkook had something that guided his decisions other than what his father wanted for him. He was completely ignoring what he had been taught since he was a kid, changing his priorities for someone he knew for a few months only.

Looking down at his laptop, he frowned at some of the texts Chul sent him. Although Jimin ignored them when he thought that he was just complaining about his job, and insisting what was the point of him being in the same place if Jungkook would send other men to watch her anyway. 

—Did you send any other men to watch over Y/n? —Jimin asked.

—No —Jungkook kicked the desk when realization hit him—. Fuck. 

—I'll try to get more information about it. I'll call you when I have something new. 

—Hurry up.

Jimin hung up. Although he didn't even have time to think about the new information, before someone was knocking on his door. 

Trying to hold back his eyes rolling to the back of his head, he looked away when Sanhyuk stepped inside his office. With everything that was going on, the last thing he needed was to see his arrogant smile while teasing him. So for his own sake, Jungkook hoped he came with the information he needed. 

—Bad news? —Sanhyuk mocked him, taking a seat on the long couch at the side of his office, in front of the shelf filled with books. 

—I don't have the energy for your shit, so... —Jungkook encouraged him to speak about what brought him there. 

Sanhyuk sighed. It wasn't fun when Jungkook didn't play along, so he simply shrugged and rested his back against the padded backrest. 

—I got the information you wanted.

Those words got his attention fast, turning his body completely to him before he slowly started walking where he was sitting. 

He was surprised by how fast it was. Completely ignoring the ironic voice in the back of his head, that scoffed while commenting how bad Sanhyuk wanted to take him out of the way, he went back to his only focus in that moment: Y/n. 

—I didn't know you could revive the dead —Sanhyuk commented, not looking at him. 

—What?

Slowly his sharp eyes shifted from one of the books on the shelf to the man standing next to him, looking at him with a confused gaze while he tried to understand what he meant. Jungkook's eyes moved to the desk when he heard the dry sound of something falling over the coffee table, finding a beige file on it. 

—It's there —he breathed deeply—. I was shocked at first. And I suggest you sit down before you read what's in it. 

Jungkook took the file, sitting in the armchair on his right. All the papers and pictures that were in it almost fell to the ground when he saw the content.

✸ ✸ ✸

Palma de Mallorca, Spain. 01:13 pm

Y/n breathed deeply, feeling like she was drowning when she was aware of her awake body. Despite having her eyes opened, she was still in the dark, feeling a light weight over her head and the musty smell of whatever that was covering it. After she tried to move her hands to take it off, she found herself struggling with the thin, but rough, fabric that kept her wrists together, and that dug on her skin with every move she tried to make. 

There was no point in screaming, crying or begging to be set free. And she'd get nothing by moving her arms desperately. They were already hurting by the unnatural position, it made no sense to worsen her condition for no reason.

—Look who's acting like a good girl —she heard a male voice say in Spanish. 

She felt her skin frowning in the space between her eyebrows after thinking the voice sounded familiar. Her body was frozen when she felt someone's presence next to her, sticking to the ground as if that would make her situation better. Although she unconsciously moved her leg away, after feeling some fingertips tracing the curve of her knee. 

The masculine laugh sounded mocking, ironic. He was finding joy in making her uncomfortable. 

—Ironic that after working for me for so long, I manage to have you like this because of someone else —he clicked his tongue—. Life is indeed ironic.

He sighed, before he removed the bag from her head roughly, taking some of her hair with it and making some locks fall over her eyes. She couldn't say she was surprised by seeing Pedro in front of her with a smile, but it shocked her to be in that situation because of him. He had no reason to do that, she wasn't even part of his business or Jungkook's.

—Jeon did seriously suck all the energy from you, huh? —he tilted his head— Look at you so tame and chill... A few months ago, you'd have insulted me.

—Trust me, I have several things I want to say to you. I'm just holding back —she spoke for the first time—. Besides, when Jungkook finds out what you did, you'll wish you had never ever crossed paths with me. 

—You should learn when you should shut up —he pinch her cheek—. After everything I've done for you. I gave you money, a job...

—You fucking gave me a big debt that I was forced to pay later. Don't talk like you did me a favor.

—I didn't? —he frowned— If it hadn't been for me, Jorge would've died at the hands of his lender. You weren't even good at sucking a dick, but I still gave you a place here. So watch your mouth when you speak about me. After all these years, I thought you'd have learnt to be a little grateful. But I see that leaving to that new life has only made you one unthankful bitch. 

Y/n tried to move away when his hands moved past her calves over her jeans, aiming to go further.

—Maybe I should teach you the manners that Jeon didn't?

But before he was able to move further than the back of her knees, she raised her right legs and kicked him in the face. In a matter of seconds, his nose was bleeding and the jesting expression turned to an angry one. 

—Fucking whore.

He was ready to slap her and make her fall back unconscious, but the click from the door stopped him from doing it. Pedro suddenly stood up, looking at the two bodyguards and the old Asian man that stepped inside behind them. It took him one fast move of his head pointing outside, to have the man she had kicked rushing outside without giving her one last look. 

The man didn't speak. He just stared at her from his position, tilting his head from one side to the other, before he finally sighed. And while looking back at him, Y/n was able to tell there was something familiar about him. Not so much about the possibility of ever having crossed paths with him, but more about the fact that some of his features were similar to someone else's -she just wasn't able to tell who. 

—You're a hard nut to crack, huh? —he raised one of his eyebrows, nodding at her silence and challenging look— My son has one weird taste. He could've gone for someone that at least knew how to behave. But no, Jungkook had to go for the most difficult one to handle.

Hearing him mentioning Jungkook's name, right after talking about him as his son, cut all the oxygen that was coming in, feeling her throat closing off almost suddenly. Now she was able to see the similarities.

His eyes were as rounded as Jungkook's, but with hooded eyelids due to his age. Also the prominent and marked jaw despite the barely hanging skin. Both of them had the same aura, but his father's was even scarier than the one Jungkook had when she first met him. 

—Do you have any idea how you ruined things? —he peeked both of his hands inside his pockets— Everything I worked for ruined for a slut —he shook his head—. My family's legacy thrown to the trash. And all because of you. What's even so special about you that'd make my son forget what he's expected to do?

Y/n tried to hold back her moan filled with pain when his loafers pressed her ankle against the hard ground, putting all his weight in that step, making her think at some point she'd hear a crack. At least until he moved back. 

—I won't allow it —he walked towards her.

—Why don't you kill me and end it all? —she managed to say, out of breath.

—Honestly, this is his last chance —he twisted his tongue—. If he ignores this all, I'll kill you and peacefully know my son is worth his position. But if he shows up here, or sends someone to save you again, I won't give a fuck about him having my blood. Someone who doesn't respect me, doesn't deserve to live.

Hearing him speak with such coldness about his own son made her guts twist in disgust. 

The old man squatted in front of her, moving her locks away from her face to be able to look straight into her eyes. His fingers roughly held her by her jaw, fingerprints digging on her cheeks before he spoke again:

—And just hope you know, your hands will be stained with his blood if that happens.

She could've stayed still. Maybe that would've been the smartest. But knowing that all of that was a trap to test Jungkook made her blood boil. She couldn't control herself, and it wasn't like the man in front of her deserved any better treatment. Still looking at him in the eyes, she spit straight at his face. 

The old man smiled, a dark curve that augured her a bad ending while he cleaned her saliva from his face with a tissue one of the bodyguards had handed him. One last laugh that turned into silence when she felt his fist on her nose and the back of her head hitting against the wall. 

And, suddenly, everything went dark again. 

Taglist: @kaiparkerwifes @sheylamc @amy2006jones @allamericanuniverse @00frenchfries00 @massivelyfullenthusiast

[gnatlistens]

album review: MAYBE SOMEDAY IT'LL ALL BE OK-- clinton kane

clinton's first album :0

ALBUM RATING: 7/10

initial thoughts:

I've listened to like 4 songs off this album already (they were singles previously) so I hope I like the new songs LMAO

first listened to clinton kane during his collab with martin garrix: drown. and then I got obsessed with "I GUESS I'M IN LOVE" for a while, followed by chicken tendies, and so on!

tracklist

MAYBE SOMEDAY IT'LL ALL BE OK

14

COLD

CHICKEN TENDIES

KEEP IT TO YOURSELF

ONE MORE DAY WITH YOU

I GUESS I'M IN LOVE

GO TO HELL

I WISH I COULD HATE YOU FOR BREAKING ME AND CALLING IT LOVE 

I'm sorry for the caps but I had to respect the artist's stylistic decisions

2024 update: i hate this guy now lol, please disregard my earlier reviews about him :/

track 1: MAYBE SOMEDAY IT'LL ALL BE OK

introo. mostly words, like in "I used to think I could fly", but I think that one was cuter lmao

4/10, serves its purpose I guess

track 2: 14

okay I've done a previous review for this! so I'll keep it short, just: it's a lot better on relistens. with a long break in the middle, it took maybe 5 plays and a month of forgetting about it

7/10, plss I'm raising the rating every serious relisten 

track 3: COLD

decent I guess, but my least favourite on the album. it's just unmemorable (i forgot this existed until i checked the discography..), with a not too impressive melody and lyrics :(

5/10

track 4: CHICKEN TENDIES

LETSGOOO I love this. creative and memorable title! the sentimental lyrics and simple guitar strums go together really well. that one grunt (?) before the chorus fits the tone and frustration, and although this song doesn't have as much of that angst (compared to i guess im in love), I can feel it :)

i just found out this song is about his mum too, damn.

9/10

track 5: KEEP IT TO YOURSELF

this is his most played new single off the album, maybe because Spotify picked it to push on everyone's release radar. I think it's okay but I'd prefer another song (I'll elaborate when I get to that song!)

the strong beats and rhythm is quite cool, lyrics-wise not as much

6.5/10

track 6: ONE MORE DAY WITH YOU

UNDERRATED. how is this the least played in the entire album what??? this should've replaced keep it to yourself as the single 😭

I love the chorus: the swelling background music, the pained vocals, the melody, lyrics are decent

7/10

track 7: I GUESS I'M IN LOVE

THE OG. I LOVE THIS. the lyrics, the soft piano, vulnerable vocals,, i can't even. it's so soothing and really makes me think of being in love, which is why it's one of the first few songs i added into the playlist about love songs HAHAHS

the lyrics and melody are so memorable, i can sing it without trying to learn it at all! it sounds like something that can be played at a wedding, very a thousand years-vibes

solid 10/10. fun fact he broke up with the girl this was about the day after release ahahha. his insta stories about it are so funny (i'm sorry)

track 8: GO TO HELL

this is great!! the angst!! clinton has gone through shit lmao..

the emotions conveyed from the melody, instrumentals, and of course the vocals, really sell the song. lyrics are a bit on the nose, okay i get it you're angry,, but it's fine everyone needs to let of steam sometimes

this was one of the first few of clinton's songs i listened to

8.5/10

track 9: I WISH I COULD HATE YOU FOR BREAKING ME AND CALLING IT LOVE 

a strong, painful track about his mother and the trauma hahah

i like it as much as keep it to yourself, it ends the album on a high note!

6.5/10

best lyrics -- I GUESS I'M IN LOVE 

"And why do I get so nervous when I look into your eyes? And butterflies can't stop me falling for you"

"How you love the things I hate about myself And no one knows, but with you, I see hope again"

this is to the surprise of no one. the entire song is a masterpiece 

best melody -- CHICKEN TENDIES

I MEANN i would put i guess i'm in love again but okay i won't

the build up towards the final chorus!! easy to remember and sing/scream along to

my final rankings 

I GUESS I'M IN LOVE

CHICKEN TENDIES

GO TO HELL

ONE MORE DAY WITH YOU

14

KEEP IT TO YOURSELF

I WISH I COULD HATE YOU FOR BREAKING ME AND CALLING IT LOVE 

COLD

MAYBE SOMEDAY IT'LL ALL BE OK

the top are all singles, i know, but they are just too good omg. 

overall quite a decent album! too few songs for my liking though, although they are of a better quality than sabrina's album! (i only like around 6 of the songs there, 6 here even though this is almost half the number of songs,,)

this is random but after I noticed clinton's deep breaths in each song, I can't unhear them. now they feel so disruptive HELPP. but they are what makes clinton's sound so unique and full of emotion

[avatar-anna]

hm.. an angst where the reader has cheated on Harry with another guy, and even though that sucks, Harry still loves the reader so much that he still wants to continue the relationship, and yeah, they end up together despite everything. 🤷‍♀️

sigh...y'all are a sad bunch lmao

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One Very Big Mistake

"I'm sorry, H, please, it was a mistake!"

"No, a mistake is turning my white laundry red. A mistake is forgetting about date night. What you did was not a mistake. It was intentional. And you can't take it back."

Harry was holding onto his fury with everything he had. Y/n was crying, her mascara running down her face as she tried to explain, tried to make him understand. Seeing her so upset hurt his heart, and he wanted to pull her to his chest to ease her pain, but he couldn't. She had committed the ultimate betrayal, and he couldn't be the one to comfort her. Not now, and possibly not ever. So he held onto his anger, hoping it would put a thick barrier between the two of them.

"I wish I could, Harry," she sobbed, trying to step closer, but Harry just took another step back, which only made her tears fall faster. "I wish I could go back and do things differently. I would never, ever want to hurt you—"

"That's bullshit, Y/n, and you know it!" he seethed. Why was she trying to convince him otherwise? "What did you think was going to happen when you told me? That I would smile and joke about it and we'd move on? We've been together for two years. How did you think sleeping with someone else would make me feel?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry, baby—"

"Don't call me that," Harry said. It used to be a pet name that filled him with warmth and butterflies, and he didn't want the memory of that to be tainted by this argument.

"The only thing you're sorry about is getting caught, Y/n. Were you ever going to tell me? Or was I just supposed to live in ignorant bliss forever?"

She shook her head, almost aggressively so. "No, I was going to tell you, I wanted to tell you the second it happened, but—"

"When? A week from now? A year from now? Or maybe when we were married and had kids so it wouldn't hurt as much? I can't believe I wasted two years of my life with you!"

And that was when Harry started to get choked up. Because outside of her cheating, things had been practically perfect. He was happy, and he thought she was happy too. How long had they been living a lie?

"Don't say that. Please don't say that, Harry. I love you," Y/n cried.

"Clearly you don't, or you wouldn't have done this." He could feel tears starting to form in his eyes, a lump forming in his throat. He couldn't let her see him like this, he wouldn't. "Get out. We're done."

Y/n's eyes widened, like it never occurred to her that Harry, her sweet and gentle Harry, would ever kick her out or talk to her this way. She knew she'd torn their relationship to shreds with one drunken mistake on a night when she was particularly vulnerable, but she wasn't from London, not even close. Her family didn't live here, she didn't have many friends outside of Harry's, and she lived with him. He was her home, and losing that, losing him, felt like a punch to the gut.

"Harry, please, I—I don't have anywhere to go. I promise to find a place to stay later, but please, don't—don't make me leave now. It's late, and I'm—"

"I don't care," Harry said, sounding devoid of any emotion. "You should've thought about that before you got into bed with someone else. Maybe you should go stay with that bloke. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to have you."

Despite his battered heart, the anger that was coursing like fire through his veins, the words he spoke still felt like acid on his tongue. For two years, she meant something to him, and it was hard to ignore.

"Please, Harry. Can I just sleep on the couch? I swear I'll be gone in the morning," Y/n pleaded, though not a shred of hope was in her heart.

Harry wanted to say yes, but that was the problem. He loved Y/n enough to forgive her, so he needed her to be gone as soon as possible so he wouldn't make that mistake. So, not even looking at her, he said, "Get your things and go. I don't want to see you again."

Not looking back, Harry turned and walked away from her, locking himself in his home studio so he wouldn't have to see Y/n as she packed her things and left.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Y/n was alone and empty.

She'd never regretted anything more in her entire life than walking down to the bar by Harry's house and sitting down. He'd been gone on another one of his writing trips, something he did often so she was used to watching him go and waiting for him to come back.

But that had been the fifth time he'd left his house for a few days in the last couple months. When Harry convinced Y/n to move to London with him, she agreed because they both hated the long distance, and she thought it would bring them closer, both physically and emotionally. Things had been good, but not great. It felt like Harry was always busy all the time, like now that she was here, he didn't have to be as attentive or make as much of an effort if they were closer in proximity to each other. And for a while, Y/n thought so too.

Harry was really only gone for a couple days, and then he'd come back and be all over her. And then he would leave again, and the cycle continued until he stopped trying as much. Putting more effort into his album than his relationship. Y/n knew he got like that the closer he got to finishing a project, but in the past she had her friends and family.

Now she was alone in a country she wasn't very familiar with.

It was hard all by herself. Y/n wandered the halls of Harry's house late at night—she read the books on his shelf, she slowly made her way through Harry's record collection, she stocked his kitchen with all her favorite foods, she even bought yarn and knitting needles to try and replicate the sweater everyone had been recreating online during quarantine. The real thing was in Harry's closet, but she wanted to make one with her own colors.

So one night Y/n decided to go out. Harry hadn't picked up her calls, and it was another night of eating leftovers and watching a movie by herself on Harry's couch. Another night alone in a house that didn't really feel like hers, no matter how long she stayed there. Y/n loved Harry so much, and he made her so happy when he was here, but lately it felt like he was rarely around.

She hadn't planned on doing what she did when she went out to the pub. Y/n just wanted to get out of the house. She'd hardly done so unless it was with Harry or if it was to go to the market or to work. So she walked out of the house, wandered around on the pavement for a bit, and finally ended up at a bar.

He was a nobody, not at all her type, definitely not the kind of person she would ever go out with, which was probably why she let him buy her a drink. He was harmless, and he was just being nice.

But then one drink led to two, and two led to four, and four led to getting in a cab back to his place.

When she woke up the next morning, she felt like she was going to be sick. Her skin crawled with guilt as last night replayed in her head over and over again. These were the kinds of things Y/n was supposed to forget, to black out of her mind, but she was forced to live with the memories, and the knowledge that she'd just done the one thing she never thought she would do. She cheated, and that was something she could never take back.

Y/n felt so guilty she made herself physically ill. That was how Harry found her—leaning against the toilet and waiting for the nausea to pass. He asked her what was wrong, and she immediately started crying.

Harry had never been so angry before, at least not around Y/n. Seeing him that way broke her heart because she knew she was the reason he was acting this way. He was so gentle, so kind. And yeah, he maybe sometimes got a little caught up in his work, but that wasn't an excuse to throw away a two year relationship, which was exactly what Y/n did.

So now she was staying at a hostel, trying to save up enough money to find a real place, or go back home. She could definitely afford a one way ticket, but she wasn't quite ready for that. Staying in London while knowing Harry was there but couldn't see him was the right punishment for her. It was what she deserved after the horrible thing she did.

She never left her room. Even as people came and went about their day, she rarely got out of her lumpy cot. It wasn't right for Y/n to feel this depressed when she was the one to blame for everything, but she couldn't help it. She took something so good, and just put it in a blender and tore it apart.

Her family tried to call, but she didn't pick up, just let her phone die. Y/n didn't do anything. She was just...there, hardly existing.

All Y/n could do was think about the last two years. They were amazing. Harry took her on the best dates, he confided in her and she confided in him; they went on adventures together, she helped him when he was stressed with work and he did the same for her. He kissed her good night and woke her up with good morning texts with little hearts and kissy emojis. He knew Y/n like no one else did, and she knew him. They loved and supported each other. They were everything to each other.

So Harry got a little caught up with his work occasionally, so what? He didn't neglect Y/n. He didn't ignore her, he was just busy. She was whining because he wasn't giving her any attention, what the hell was that about? There was nothing wrong with Harry. She was the problem.

Tears came and went, and so did sleep. She didn't know how long she spent at the hostel, she was awake enough to pay for the cot at the front desk, but other than that, she was in and out of sleep. Y/n wasn't even really tired, but she didn't have any motivation to do much else. She'd taken a leave of absence from work, not that she really needed to anyway. She had a steady job back home, but when she moved, her certification didn't transfer overseas. So she'd been doing odd jobs here and there, but it didn't really matter. Harry always promised to take care of her. But now that that was out of the picture, what was she supposed to do now?

It didn't matter, none of it did. Y/n was alone and miserable, and she deserved it.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Harry was going out of his mind with worry.

He'd kicked Y/n out, but some selfish, masochistic part of him wanted her to come back, to fight for their relationship, but she didn't. And when a couple of days went by and she still hadn't called or showed up to get the rest of her things, Harry started to worry.

He was still pissed, but he was also still in love with her. He cared about what happened to Y/n, and he just had this feeling that something was wrong.

For days he went back and forth about reaching out to her or not. Harry was still hurt, and he wasn't really ready to make that phone call or hear her excuses. In his mind, nothing ever excused cheating. Y/n was his everything, but then she did the worst thing one could possibly do in a relationship. Y/n didn't flirt, she didn't kiss, she slept with someone else. Harry'd never felt more betrayed in his life.

But that didn't immediately erase all the love and good memories they shared over the last few years. It wasn't like her to just drop off the face of the earth like that, even with their current situation. And she left her stuffed bunny, the same one she'd had since she was a baby. She once told Harry she took it to every new home she'd ever been in, but in her haste to leave his place, she must've left it behind, and now it was just staring at Harry every night. It looked lonely, which only reminded him that she were probably lonely.

Or shacked up with the guy she cheated on you with. That was the bitter thought that came up after Harry felt sorry for Y/n, and he'd been on this relentless, bitter cycle ever since she left.

"I'll call her parents," he said after two weeks had gone by and she still hadn't called or come by the house. "I'll call her parents, and she'll be fine, and I'll move on with my life."

Except her parents hadn't heard from her. No one had. As far as her friends and family knew, Y/n and Harry were still happily in love.

And that was when he really started to worry. It wasn't like her to not talk to her family. She talked to them at least a few times a week, and the fact that she hadn't was cause for suspicion.

Harry was still angry, still hurt, and the idea of reaching out made him feel more things than he was ready to feel. But he couldn't just not check on her knowing that something could be wrong. Y/n cheated on him, but he wasn't a monster.

So he called, but she didn't answer. In fact, his phone wouldn't even connect the call. Did she block him? How the hell was he supposed to get ahold of her?

He searched, and searched, and searched. And the longer he couldn't find her, the more he started to worry, to panic. She could've been anywhere, she could've dropped dead somewhere, and Harry would have no idea. Why did Y/n have to make him worried sick? He was supposed to be trying to get over her, and then she had to go and mess it all up by going AWOL.

Harry finally went to the police when he couldn't find Y/n on his own. It didn't take very long to find her now that he had professional help. She'd checked into some dump a few blocks away from his house. Harry went to the hostel, and it only took a little bribing to let the person at the front desk to let him into her room.

Did he do this?

Y/n was on a cot in the darkest corner of the room, huddled up underneath a thin blanket and a single pillow. Harry's heart squeezed when his eyes landed on her. Whenever they were in bed together, she loved sleeping under a blanket mountain with piles and piles of pillows. Harry could barely get to her, used to ask for entrance into her little pillow/blanket fort when he wanted a kiss.

She cheated, and he was rightfully angry and hurt, but he didn't want her to be...whatever she was under that blanket. Harry felt guilty, and he wasn't supposed to feel guilty. He thought back to the last night he talked to Y/n as he walked over to her little cot. He practically kicked her out like a stray dog. He'd been hurt, reasonably so, but that didn't mean he had to be horrible to her. That's not who he was, even on the worst day of his life.

"Hey," he whispered, but she didn't answer, didn't even move. Resting a hand on her shoulder, he nudged uer. "Y/n. Wake up."

She slowly turned around, and Harry tried not to cry. Her cheeks were hollowed out, her eyes sunken and held no light in them. This wasn't his love, this wasn't Y/n.

"I think I'm dreaming," she mumbled, her voice dry and crackly from disuse.

"No dream. I'm right here."

Y/n shook her head. "No, no. I had a dream just like this," she said. "You came here and you said, 'Baby, what are you doing here? You have a perfectly good bed at home.' And then I tell you it can't be true because you said you never wanted to see me again, but you pick me up and bring me home anyway and tell me you love me and that everything will be alright."

"I'm right here, Y/n," Harry said again, squeezing her arm just the tiniest bit to prove his point. "And I do want to take you home. You shouldn't be here."

"I didn't have anywhere else to go," she sniffled. "I don't—I don't have any family, or—or friends here. I f—followed you here because I love you and—and I wanted to make things easier, and then you were never here, and I—I have nowhere else to go."

Y/n tried to turn back over, but Harry didn't let her. "You do. Let me take you home."

"I don't live there anymore," she said. "Don't worry about me, Harry. I'll be fine."

Harry took a deep breath, considering his words. He'd been stressing over what he wanted to say to Y/n, how he wanted to say it. And he still wasn't really sure, but one thing he couldn't do was sit by and watch her suffer like this.

Y/n made a mistake, he could admit to that now. And when he heard her say, "you were never here," he thought about the last few months. And when he looked back, he realized she might've been right. She certainly shouldn't have cheated, but it seemed like they both understood that. She had been beating herself up for weeks, and...and he loved her too much to let her go.

"I want you to come home, Y/n. Please come home."

"I hurt you. I did the worst thing a girlfriend could possibly do, an—and I'll never forgive myself," she said, her voice shaky as she continued to cry. "You deserve someone who—"

"I don't want anyone else. I know you messed up, but things weren't right between us. I was never home, and I took you away from all your friends and family—"

"No, please don't," Y/n said, sitting up immediately. "This is all on me, Harry. I—Oh my God, I did something unforgivable. Why are you—"

She looked at him curiously, trying to blink back tears and hold back hope. She didn't deserve his grace, and maybe he'd regret it down the road. Maybe he would never be able to let this go, but he was trying now, and that was what mattered.

"Because I love you," he said. Harry's eyes were watery and red, his hair sticking out in different directions because he'd been tugging on it every day since he realized Y/n was virtually missing. "I—I know what you did, and maybe it'll take a long time to get back to a better place, but...I'm in love with you, Y/n. You drive me crazy—crazy in love, just plain crazy—but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to fix things. Y/n, I want to fix things. We were broken long before you...did what you did. It won't be easy, but I want to be with you. I can't stand to see you this way, and—"

"And? What? Harry, please, don't stop talking, I can't—"

"And you left Pebbles at my house, and he's been very lonely without you."

That only made you sob harder, but Harry was there to hold you. "I'm so sorry, H, I'll never stop apologizing. And I love you. I'll never stop loving you. I—I'll do anything to make you forgive me."

There was a part of Harry who wasn't ready, that was still hurt, but a bigger part of him wanted Y/n more. She was his love, and he was hers, and that was how it was supposed to be. One bump in the road, that was all it was. He believed in their love enough to get past this, to move forward. Perhaps that made him naive, perhaps he just felt bad because you were living in a hovel looking so pathetic and sad. Perhaps things wouldn't work, but he wanted them to, and Y/n wanted them to, and that was enough for now.

"Let's just—Let's just go home. We have the rest of our lives to figure things out, okay?"

With shaking hands, she cupped either side of Harry's face. "You mean that? I understand if you just feel bad because I look horrible or if you'll change your mind. I don't want you to do something you don't want to."

Harry rubbed a thumb across her cheek, and she immediately closed her eyes. It was the first time Harry had touched her with intention aside from holding her up. She missed his touch, she missed him so much it physically hurt. She shouldn't have been trying to talk him out of his decision, but she loved him too much to see him hurt or be angry with her.

"Y/n," Harry breathed. He leaned in like he wanted to kiss her, but he stopped himself, not quite ready for that yet. "I want to try. Please let me take you home."

Nodding, you let him lift you out of bed. Harry carried Y/n all the way to his car, whispering at her to never scare him or her family like that again. She was tired, smiling a little as he set her down in the passenger seat.

"I'm sorry for scaring you," she mumbled. "And thank you for keeping Pebbles. You didn't have to do that."

Harry huffed out a laugh, the first time he did anything remotely similar in weeks. Looking over as he drove, he saw that she was fast asleep. He placed a hand on Y/n's knee, needing to feel her, needing to know that she was actually there.

"We'll be alright, won't we?" he asked. Y/n didn't answer, of course, but she wasn't really asking her. He believed it. And maybe he was an idiot for believing it, but he was in love with her, he was pretty sure she was the love of his life. He couldn't let that go, he just couldn't.

Y/n had driven herself into a dark spiral after Harry kicked her out. She made a mistake, and if one day he ever messed up, he hoped she would forgive him too. It wouldn't be easy, but she was worth it.

Harry squeezed her knee, stepping on the gas so he could finally have a good night's sleep with his love and her stuffed bunny tucked under her arm.

"We'll be alright."

[royalwriteroftheuniverse]

A summer wedding p.1

An insane amount of Angst heart break

A little fluf if you can call it fluff, a character calling herself names NO self harm though Ari is a warning in himself.

P.s. a jury is a performance final for musicans reblogs are welcome no posting or publishing online or print

Rachel and David's wedding was beautiful. In begining of it I imagined it was me and Ari. I loved seeing him in his suit and standing rhere next to the groom. Hair just so. Posture just so. He even mouthed I love you." And in reply I said "I love you too."

He looked so hansome I hoped one day maybe we'd  have a summer wedding

In the reception. I didn't mind being away from him as the wedding party was sat together. He had come to me and we were dancing together. He first came to me when they put on  Ella firzgerald's Our Love is Here to Stay. Which now seems like like a cruel joke. Even more that he wispered the lyrics in my ear. I don't even know what happened. How it happened it just erruptrd. Like mt. Vesuvius. They didn't  have a word for volcano before that did you know that? And I dont even have a word to describe what happened.

We had a big fight... huge!

Bad. I was crying. He was crying. Things weren't thrown but we were banging on things.

The poor dog, well our dog, technically his  but I take him when hes been on assignment hut he hasn't left lately.  Anyway our Pup was just standing there his head like a tennis ball as we went back and forth. Doors were being slammed. I dont think I ever saw him cry before. I've never seen him. Ari never cries. I mean never. Not at funeral of other agents, Not even after the that custody agreement or lack there of hurt him knowing his ex wife had full custody of Maya and Maya was being taken to live in Austria with her Mother... and Ari could do nothing but hope to see Maya whenever he could fit it in. And I was more than supportive. I didn't care if Ari had gone to see Maya but he iften brought me with him but I loved staing at the hotel so they could have time. Unless Maya specifically asked for me to come and sometimes she did.

He never cries but that night he did.

I don't even know what what happened just that did. But I waited. To give him his space. The air still felt charged the next day. I left him a note in th kitchen. "I'm  in the guest bedrrom and I taped it to the microwave he had to see that. But he didn't say a word that day. At lesst not to me. So I waited another day to say something but that was it I couldnt wait 2 days. It seemed he couldnt either.

"I'm  sor-                   ry"          

"I want to break up"

We both said at he same time but I had the last syllable. Like the other night I had th le last word but he slamed the dooor last.

"Ok I mean not ok i mean im not-" I sighed and took a breath.

"If you want to break up. I, " I breathed in. "It's not something I want but you obviously have a right to call it off. But I still want to apologize first. Before I go I mean."

He said  "Ok" so calm so cool so colleected that I almost completely lost it. Ari...was like he didn't care maybe he didn't. Days ago we were go happy laughing and kissing and just dancing looking into eachothers' eyes. We were so happy.

"I've just been under a lot of stress and I took it out of your and that wasn't fair of me, at all. It was stupid. And I'm  sorry. I should've appologized that night or the next morning. I just thought i should give you time to not exactly cool off but we were both emotional I thought I was doing the right thing by giving you a day."

"I still want to-"

"That's fine. I'll  respect that. Can I um have a few day to get mt stuff together. Which guest room- I mean I can stay in a guest room right? MeanIfYouWantMeToICanGoToAHotel ThisWholeThingIsMyFaultI shouldGoToAHotel.

He reached out and I immediately went silent. He reached out like he's done so many times before but his hand cupped my face it veared at the last second, falling on my shoulder not on my face.

"Breathe. You can take the main."

"No really I don't I should I-"

"Take it." He said wih a nod of encouragement.

"OK"

I stood there. Breaghing heavily. My heart beating out of my chest. Tears I was blinking back. I didn't know what to do. It was like a faceoff. Then he move first. I swollowed hard-I thought he was going to kiss me on the forehead but no, I mearly felt his hot breath on my forehead as he got a little too close steping around me.

I don't know if he was being cruel and teasing me or of my maybe it was for himself, not completely letting go of me yet. I get it it takes time if I do at all.

I spent the rest of the day outside mostly crying, I put somethings together sobbing and that night but when I came across rhe Star of David he gave me before he left on a mission for two and a half weeks, the first mission he'd been on since we had been together. I was so scared and he told me he promise he'll come back to get it, come back to me.  Holding it in my hand I

just lost it. And I never got my composure back

The poor pup, well not a pup but I call him pup. Had gone back and forth between the two of us, I suppose as he had dissapeared for some time and then came back. I don't exactly know where my now ex was. I only came inside if I didn't see him or come out of the bedroom if he wasn't

I only stepped out of the room if I knew he wasnt around. Peaking out quietly making sure I didnt hear his voice or his feet or anything to things easier on both of us.

I fet bad taking anything to eat or drink. None of it was for me anymore. So I just took a bag of chips and a sleeve of crackers and a bottle of water.

But he has those big bottles so that'd last me a while. But, that night...that night was worse. I had tried to orginize my things but I did what I could do until it became too much and I just collapsed in tears. Crying so hard and so much giving myself a migraine.

I had no one to call, no one to talk to. I didn't have very many friends and I know the ones I did wouldn't care to talk to me about this at all. They were mearly serface friendships. Hair makeup gossip shit not like this. Although I had talked to them about our relationship, this wasn't  something they'd ever help me with. His friends were nicer to me but I wasn't going to go there. So that night I called my own cellphone left myself a rediculousy long voicemail I'd deleate in the morning.

"I can't believe I was so fucking stupid. I shouldn't have just done what I normally do, I know I said I wouldn't but i didnt and then this happens. I just I don't even know what I'm  doing anymore. I don't even feel right taking some water or food.  had some crackers some chips so I think that'd  be ok. I mean I know I should but it just doesn't feel right to eat more.

I have 3 essays due on the same day each 10 pages long. My jury to prepare for and Im still haveing trouble with pronouning some German, I planned to ask Ari for more help he was good with a German accent. And then my boss wants me to put together some 22 odd powerpoint presentation together for him. My family is just ugh I feel like I'm drowning underwater eor being strangeled and now this. I want Ari back ll i know he could pul me out if the water- he always did. Now Im alone J want to quit everything and just live in a hole. Nothing is going right. Maybe in a few months after I recover from all this I can just hit the reset button and start over what I can and just whatever I can't, just screw it. I have to try to find a way to live with myself now. I mean I want to talk to him, to tell him that I don't want to do this. I don't want to leave things like this I want to just fight for us but it's what he wants. Who am I to just say "no" that's selfish of me horrible of me. I mean if its the otherway around I wouldn't want him forcing anything on my or feeling like Im trying to. I hate myself so much right now and theres nothing I can do to stop it or to feel better. I'm a horrible person for just causing all this. He was crying I've never seen him genuinely that sad or that mad before it wasn't some movie or scene he was right infront if me and it was because of me. I just feel like I lost everything. Like I lost myself. No, It's true he is everything to me. If I lost him I -," I scoff at myself if I lost him who am I freaking kidding I who did lose him, I lost everything and I have no one to blame but myself." I sobbed into my pillow.

"I just want Ari. He means everything to me and I just feel like I'm worthless peice of shit for making him cry. He never does I can't imagine how much I hurt him for him to cry. I'll never forget that. I just feel like everything is numb because... I lost him for good... the one good thing I had in the life my only is gone."

In some wacked out tripped up vision in my mind he was sitting right outside the door listening to me pour my heart out. listening to me cry for hours. And he'd give me another chance realizing I'm  punishing myself far more than he ever could. Or that

Maybe he'd  come in and wake me up or stroke my hair or something like he used to do to wake me up sometimes I dont know if it always would wake me up since he'd say i tried to wake you. But he'd  come in and I'd say that. "I don't expect to be forgiven. I just want another chance. To A chance to again to make up for it. To say let me show you I'm worth something...anything...I don't know I don't even think he could look at me. You should've seen him when he said ok so cool and calm and collected. He hates me. So much. I don't blame him. Even I hate me." 

I cried myself to sleep.

I don't know how long I slept for or what time it even was when there was a knock on the door. It wasnt quiet but it was quiet enough for me to not be sure if I heard it or not. It had gotten louder and louder again. I finally got out if bed shuffling to the door and I turned the handle but I stopped, giving him time to leave if he wanted to.

I opened the door and nothing. There was nothing. Great I'm imagining, hearing things now.  I happened to look down and

There was a sandwich with a note "I noticed no food was missing. Eat. Please."

He made me a sandwich. It was nice of him considering everything.

Ari's P.O.V.

"Sammy you should have heard her,"To be continued....

Tag list

@sparklybarbarianninja @hawkeyes-queen @patzammit @sapphire-rogers @nana1000night

[underburningstars]

Supbat having a new born baby and batfamily (adoptive brothers and sisters) decided to visit their new born sibling

Maybe not what you asked but hope you still like it anon. I tried something different here.

on ao3

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Pairing : Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne

Tags : POV First Person, Damian Wayne POV, insecurity, light angst, fluff, implied Mpreg.

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Everyone is very excited.

Especially, Cassandra. Since she keeps saying that she's not the only daughter now. But I don't understand. Isn't it good to be the only one.

I would've been happy to be the only youngest. But I'm not anymore. Now, there's someone younger than me.

Our new baby sister.

It's not that I mind having a sister. Not at all. I would love to have another sibling. Someone to play with. Someone who'll join me in pulling pranks.

But it's just that I still want to be the youngest. Being the youngest means getting more love. All my brothers and sisters love me since I'm the youngest. I can get away with pulling pranks easily. But with our new baby sister, it'll not the the case anymore.

I knew this was coming. Sups and B told us about this a long time ago. All the others, even the grumpy Jason, were excited. They all kept buying things for the baby, planning her welcome, decorating her room.

In all this Tim forgot to play with me. But it was because he was busy with making the house baby proof. Whatever that meant. I was already being left alone. It's not a nice feeling.

For the past few months, B had always been too tired to spend time with me and Supes was always taking care of him.

And now even after the baby was born, they didn't come home. The others told me that since the beby was small and fragile, they needed to take care of her. But what about me.

Today, we're going to the hospital to see her.

Everyone is chatting happily about it.

"What do you think she'll look like?"

"Very pretty I'm sure."

"We should've asked for a picture!"

"Hey, hey! What about her name? We can't just keep calling her baby sister."

"I'm pretty sure B and Supes have something planned."

"Come'on Alfred, drive faster. I can't wait to see her."

"Calm down children."

I want to be happy like that too. I really do. But for some reason I can't. Does that make me a bad person? I don't know.

The more steps I take to the room, the more I feel like I'm being left behind.

Upon entering the room we see B layind down on the bed, scrolling through his phone.

"You're supposed to rest, y'know." Jason says.

"This is me resting." is B's reply.

"Where's the baby?!" Cassandra asks.

"Clark has gone to bring her. Have patience."

"How are you feeling?" Dick sits on the chair beside B's bed, "All okay?"

B smiled at him, "Yeah, everything went fine. Don't worry."

Right then Supes enters the room holding the baby and sits down close to B. I climb up on the bed to see her clearly and rest come closer too.

She is wrapped in a pink towel. She's so small that I can hardly see her body. But I can see her face perfectly. She had jet black hair and glowing blue eyes. She's the prettiest person I've ever seen. I can see that I'm not the only one who thinks that.

"Have you guys decided on a name?" Tim asks.

"We thought we'd take you opinion on the name. We can all decide together." Supes replies.

They all instantly start suggesting all the names they'd thought of for months.

"Gwen!"

"How about Sarah?"

"No, that's too old fashioned. Maybe Claire."

"Or, or Khloe."

"Lucy? Or maybe Amber?"

"Why do you only think of such historical names?"

"Yeah? Like you've had any revolutionary ideas!"

"Hey hey, kids. Calm down." Clark's speaks up. "You'll scare her."

They all instantly stop talking.

Then B calls me, "Hey, Damian what about you? What name do you suggest?"

Everyone is looking at me now. It's making me nervous. "Um, how about Matilda. We can then call her Matty."

"Oh, I like it."

"Me too."

"Yeah, it means powerful."

"Good choice Damian."

"Yeah, it's cool."

"I like it too." Supes says and B agrees. It makes me smile. They're choosing the name I suggested. It means I still matter. Now I gave her something too. Just like the others.

Eventually, everyone leaves the room so that B and Matty can rest. I start to climb down the bed too but B stops me, "Damian, stay for a while, kiddo."

Supes smiles and nods at me. I blink at them, confused but sit down again on the bed.

B gives the baby to Supes and turns to me.

"Come here champ. It's been a long time since I hugged you."

I quickly wrap my arms around him careful and burst into tears. "I didn't wanna be left behind."

"You're not, Damian. Never." B hold him tightly. "I know we couldn't pay attention to you through out the pregnancy and we're sorry for that. But we love you and just because there's another member now doesn't mean you'll be left behind."

"The baby is small so it needs more attention." Supes interjects, "But that doesn't mean we don't love you - any of you - less. You guys are still our kids."

"I'll be a good brother, I promise."

"We know you will. You already gave her such a beautiful name. I'm sure that you'll be her favorite."

I giggled at that, "Tim will be upset. He's looking forward to being the favorite brother."

"Well, then he'd have to work extra hard since you can become a favorite even without trying."

"He doesn't stand a chance! I won't let him win." we all laughed at that.

Yeah, this was my family and they all love me. Including Matty.