#maybe i will even post my old hollow knight art sometime

[lyss-butterscotch]

Are you planning to repost your old works from Instagram?

I don't use insta anymore, but I still think about some of them sometimes. Would have been nice to see them again.

Also thank you for your works, I like your art a lot)

Thank you I'm glad you like my art even after moving fandoms ndmdmmsns

Well at first that was the plan but I kinda decided not to especially now that my main thing is Rain World and I'd hate to spam.

Though I do miss working on my Hollow Knight stuff since I have so much I wanna tell, but well the will kinda died off and maybe I'll do more HK art in the future.

But now that you've mentioned it I do miss seeing my skrunklies so ima post my skrunklies here under the cut hehe

The Main Cast gijinkas!

And an OC at the end there for lore purposes lmao

And here's some of the recent HK comics i worked on. The last one isn't finished though so uh yeah... i just really love making them so dramatic

Would've posted more if there wasn't an image limit but there's my skrunklies :)

[seafoam-taide]

Here is some art from when I first found this game about 2 years ago! It’s not the best but honestly it’s way better than I thought it’d be. I still think that bushcat art is great.

[captainshyguy]

not to be a little melancholic but i've been thinking a bit about all the people that have come and gone in my general social circle like. not just irl, but online too. the close friends, who eventually left, and the ones on the outskirts, but were always there. at least, for a time. the people you never quite talked to, but were in your bubble, in your life, if just for a bit. the people who will only be icon, words on a screen to me. the people who will forever be 14 in my memories, because its all i have of them 

its just...its weird yknow? not even getting into social circles from school, friends you grew apart from, friends of friends of friends in your class that you had an odd connection with

but online its like. i’ve been in a few online communities in my time. the penguins of madagscar community on fanpop, one for the same fandom on deviantart, the agents of shield one here, then the maze runner, then star wars, then mario, then star wars again...i’d say ‘and hollow knight now’ but lets be honest, i haven’t made....many friends or even mutuals through it solely X]

i guess my point is like. all of these communities were different people. and over time, whilst i’ve generally stayed put (until i was physically the last one left, and jumped ship, like fanpop) people just. they left yknow? maybe it took a couple of months, maybe a couple of years, but they did, and its such an almost...odd thing to experience

im not saying people cant leave, not at all but it just made me think how many people i’ve known, how many i’ve been friends with, how many existed in my orbit. how many i only have pieces of. and i guess...how many people’s orbits i was in. the person i was in the past lives on through each and every one of then, and i have no idea what stuck. what’s their ‘luke’ memory, their takeway. heck, some of them wouldn't even have it by that name. 

one thing im glad about in a way is like. from each of the communities that like. meant something to me, i managed to grab a few people almost. a few that also dug their heels in, a few that are still in my orbit, however close or far, but they’re there. they’re posting actively or somewhat actively and i know where to find them. and thats nice 

it just makes me wonder sometimes yknow?? how many people currently in my circle, currently in my orbit, will eventually leave one day? who will stop posting, who’s icon i simply will never see again.

i do hope, with all my heart, that all the ones that i fell out of touch with are doing well 

(im musing about specific people under the read more, WILL get long kjdfhnd) 

from my primary/secondary school i dont have anyone exactly. the closest i have is one guy i was pretty fond of but not like. romantically. i follow his youtube and whilst i dont really watch the videos seeing his face pop up every now and again is nice. but man i do think back on those secondary school friends. funnily enough by the end whilst i liked my “official” best friends i honestly ended up more fond of others. sarah, priya, shriya, zarah, zi yu, kyle. danny, introducing me to treasure planet, hiding away with him and his friends to watch films in forgotten rooms when it was near the end of the year, then liam, of course, man..its weird he was my best friend in the first few years when i moved there, then we got put in different classes so we just didnt see eahc other much. but that fondness was always, always there. god, and jake....i wonder if he thinks back fondly to the two of us pretending to be transformers. i wonder if im still jazz to him. god, and then sophia, just, not even hanging out but having our little ‘hot buttered toast’ song. i hope thats the memory she has of me. (i haven’t even listed everyone from this part, and i couldnt! it was a 7-8 year period of my life! right during my brain developmental stages!!)

its weird i was in love with ryan for nearly three years. a lot of those memories are soured knowing one of my friends spread it around school and everyone secretly knew, (and looking back i was way out of his league like, morally lol) but still. maybe once or twice a year i’ll dream about him, and for a brief moment, im there, sitting with him in geography as he shows me magic tricks, during that period i do genuinely think he liked me too (before it wore off for him lol) and im still in love. 

from college, man....ewan was like. i have a feeling he was leading me on since he had a girlfriend lmao, and was just flirting for fun bc he saw i was shy and was trying to get me to react, but it never felt like bullying yknow? i dont think he was actively trying to make fun of me. so i dont know, it was nice, it felt nice and it still kinda does. 

khairun.....im so glad i still have her. i’m still a little gay for her. i remember sitting with her on the bus, riding for hours as we were on the geology trip, and she would ramble about the game of thrones video game and she’d squint so happily and her eyes would sparkle. she talks about dark souls now and i only see her messages, but i can still feel her enthusiasm. or tanisha and fatima, my other geology friends, my maze runner friends. seeing the scorch trials with fatima in the cinema. joking about newt and thomas with tanisha. sitting around the table with my actual friend group, in the big lounge chair reading the tolkien dictonary, joking about the flash with bindiya. sleeping around maddie’s house and playing would you rather. 

heck, i didnt even touch on teachers!!! teachers i connected with so much on a genuine level!!! mrs chambers, mr hauge, mr wrght, miss lloyd, mr hutchinson, miss petra, mrs young! mrs mohammed, mr santa maria, mr longdon, miss langley, mrs maize, miss davies. i know with teachers, the kids must start to blur together at a point. but i just....i hope, at least. with those first two, they’ll remember me, just a bit. i keep having dreams where im in my old school, and i try to find them., i’ve found mr hague a few times. but until about a month ago, whenever i got to geography, miss chambers was never there. im glad i finally found her. 

then fanpop...lexii, having the same birthday as me, talking with kait and roleyplaying as penguin ocs in high stakes situations. dating dylan fkjdngjdh, rigging the club’s presidential election. its weird, i dont have a lot of memories from this time. just....just people? people posting their ocs, people drawing ech others ocs. kaitlyn, anya, kait, dylan, lexii, imaneasel, mya, peacebaby, madascargirl, kate, starslight, imogen, tressa, sammi, crystal, cc, syliva, jasmine, hikari, amber,  yellow, steff, lilly, blue, richard, monique, sharpey, hannah, icicle, ratking, cian i- god, there was so many of us. theres more, i can think of more names. there was so many

anya did what i did pretty much and went to deviantart then kinda dug her heels in and didnt leave, though i don think she’s more active on toyhouse. and yet, i still see her art there, so its nice. having her throughout the years has been nice, watching as both of our art improves. she’s always been a bit ahead of me. then cian i’ve been talknig with pretty much every day for about 6 months now, thats been nice 

and then here, man! the agents of shield fandom! man! i dont remember a lot of names honestly besides the ones who stayed, and sam. i hope sam’s okay. y’all who stayed, who are still mutuals, the hm....five of us i think? though the one ofy’all i was closest to isnt around as often X[ but still. im happy y’all are here 

some of y’all that have been around long enoguh will know i was best friends with kacie for a while. from....i think that was my brief stint in the dan and phil fandom. she. well. she’s okay, the last i heard of her. but my overtalking screwed that up i think. my last message from her, a few years later, was amicable at least. i still feel awful about that if i think on it too hard

i think i only picked up ronan from the maze runner, at least, that i talk to, yeah, right, there’s two others that are still about but i dont think we’ve ever held a convo X] 

and u current peeps! from mario, star wars and.....im not quite sure where for some of you! i love u all! especially y’all that have been around forever, just, liking each others posts every now and again., i dont know how many people you all follow, but i follow less than a 100. i might only be a blip on your radar, but i like seeing y’all, genuinely. thank you for being in my orbit. i hope i’m a comforting or at least. nice reliable presence in yours, for as long as we all stick around.  

[sol-lar-bink]

Maybe I should make a lil post about... plans for this year too.

So for me personally- tumblr is dead. I only intend to post art here and not much in the way of text posts. My ref page on my blog is gonna be stripped and just link you to DeviantArt cos... its just easier that way.

ART wise- Pokemon stuff isn’t doing well here but Hollow Knight is. Even on DA I’m seeing more interest in my Hollow Knight stuff. So expect more of a variety of series from me. Pokemon + Hollow Knight will always be my main go to’s tho.

I have 2 Hollow Knight projects I’m working on still- no set deadline. This involved the wallpapers of all the major game locations- and the other project is all the major characters from the game.

Pokemon project wise- maaaybe try and do a small comic? It would follow the story of my Celesteela and Dianbink. Just how they met. Would only be 20 pages or so.

Otherwise most of my time will be focused on finishing old sketches and finally getting to ideas I’ve had for a while. I’ll be focusing one me a little more rather than how giving I was last year.

...saying that I wanna ask people for their Hollow Knight OCs so I can doodle em- sometime in March maybe. Not now. Dont send any rn.

It says a lot when I have 1000 watchers and they’re literally all dead.

Thats all tho, sorry for the read. Have a good 2020. Also I’ve been very sick since the 9th but im better now

[browniefox]

on your AO3 account you have around 25 fics which are currently unfinished. I was just wondering how many of these were discontinued? You don’t have to give an in depth answer if you don’t want to, I was just curious. Also all of your works are really good and I can’t wait to read more!

You pose a good question. And I kinda want to do an indepth answer? If for no other reason, than to kind of go over them myself? And I’m glad you like my writing :)

Role Reversal - Supernatural - Discontinued

This one (and probably most of these ones I’m going to start with) are pretty much discontinued. I have just no drive or interest in continuing it. If I ever did, I’d want to start it completely over, since the writing is just so old. Like, wow, five years old at this point. This fic inparticular, I had better ideas for it after I had published it. At this point I’m keeping it around for like posterity’s sake. 

From Heaven to Earth - Supernatural - Discontinued

This one is discontinued as well. It was an interesting fic, but I had no idea where I was really going with it. 

Wiccans Don’t Use Rifles - Supernatural  - Discontinued

I kinda like this title, but this fic is definitely discontinued. I had no idea what had caused this weird thing to happen in the timeline. It’s like a fic I would’ve liked to read, but didn’t know how to write. 

More Than One - Sonic the Hedgehog - Discontinued

I actually had way more of an idea of the plot for this one than I did the previous four, but I just lost steam on it and grew dissatisfied with my own portrayls of the characters. Also I think there was maybe another chapter that I head meant to post but never did? And that’s always annoying :P Also I hate the name and summary.

Strangers of the Woods - Homestuck - Discontinued

Uhuh, no no, not a huge fan of this one. I don’t really like the plot anymore, or how I was executing it, and I definitely think I could’ve done much better work. I used to really like the plot, but now I’m just kind of embarressed about it.

The Monsters Came - Undertale - Discontinued... probably

This is one of those fics that I could see myself writing another chapter to years later, if I’m ever really bored or have a really good idea how to portray the inegration of monster and human culture and stuff, but honestly it’s probably not going to update again knowing me

Galaxy’s Mightiest Guardians - Avengers/Guardians of the Galaxy - Eternal Hiatus

By ‘Eternal Hiatus’, I mean that maybe maybe maybe in a distant future, I’ll update it, or if I like watch Gotg 3 and get excited I might write another chapter. I really liked the whole language barrier going on, but I just have too many things to work on to try and figure out what to do with the plot

Gemstone Tutor Reborn - Katekyo Hitman Reborn - Discontinued, sadly

I love love love gem aus, especially art and stuff for them. And I guess that my ideas for this just didn’t go far enough away from canon to make me happy with it. But I still love it, even though I know I’m probably never going to update it. 

Flower For Your Thoughts - Katekyo Hitman Reborn - Kinda Finished Actually?

I should really change this one form 3/? to just 3/3. If I ever want to update it, I can and will, but i’m pretty satisfied with the three chapters i’ve written for it. Thsi is one of the fics I’m really proud of, and I love this way lesser used soulmate au

Virtuous - Fullmetal Alchemist - Eternal Hiatus

Another fic that met it’s death due to the fact that I didn’t plan the plot enough. I did know that I wanted there to be seven ‘virtues’ but choosing the characters and figuring out, like, the rest of the fic just never happened. I still love the concept of it though

A Doggone Mess - Youtubers - Complete

Another one I should change to complete, seeing as it was a series of one-shots anyway. It was left incomplete because at the time I kept writing more, but now that I’ve more or less finished, I should really let that reflect on the fic itself. 

Soulless Machines - Detroit: Become Human - Complete

The exact same situation of ‘Doggone Mess’ where I was writing a bunch for it, but now I’m happy with where it is and what I’ve written for it. In fact, I’m just in general happy with this fic and reread it often enough. 

The Dragon Watching Over My Shoulder - The Dragon Prince - Hiatus...?

I always meant to update it when the second season came out, and then I never watched it... UNTIL RECENTLY! So it’s possible that someday, maybe even soon, I’ll update it. But I’ve had a lot of different projects I’m working on right now, so don’t expect anything like immediately

Thanks for the Memories - Paranatural - Hiatus 

One day, I hope to update this. I don’t have it thoroughly planned, but I do have it enough - and it should be short enough - that I think it’d be doable. 

Tradition - Legend of Zelda - Hiatus

I do plan to update this one! I really like this au, and while I’m not entirely sure where it’s going or where it’ll end, I enjoy writing about this Ganondorf, and though I may not complete, I definitely want to continue it

The Legend of Zelda: Folds of Darkness - take a wild guess - Discontinued probs

I never really planned to continue this one. I may, however, one day write a prequel to it? Or maybe rewrite this one (with a better title). I’ve played around with this au and the characters and the backstories and kinda have grown attached to em

Dream Team vs The Ink Machine - BaTIM - Hiatus

I do want to finished this one, especially because it’s so long at this point. I have a vague idea of where I want it to go, it’s just a matter of finding the time to write it when I’m not doing other things or working on other fics

Fires and Espers - KHR/MP100 - Hiatus 

I don’t think I’ll finish this fic, but I do want to update. I like this little au, and I want to go more into Reigen’s ‘past’ and stuff. It’s just kinda fun to write in :D

The Future Waits For No One - How to Train Your Dragon - Hiatus

I actually do know where the plot is going! Again, I just need to actually get to writing it. I’ve enjoyed writing it, and it’s seemed to get pretty good reception too :)

The Path Less Traveled By - Digimon - Hiatus

The biggest thing stopping me from writing this fic is that it required me rewatching the anime and sometimes it just takes the slightest thing to make me too lazy to do something. But I love Joe, and hope to start diverging from canon at some point, but it probably won’t be updating soon

Wrong Place, Wrong Time - Detroit: Become Human - Discontinued probably

If I update, it’ll be a miracle. I always seem to start these Avergers crossovers and never finish them. I’m not really intersted in it anymore :(

Tipping the Scales - Daredevil/Avengers - Hiatus

I want to finish this one! I really like it, and it’ll just be another four or so chapters until it’s finished, and it’s really cute :) but I’m been really into drawing lately - and Hollow Knight - and they’ve distracted me from writing :P 

[melodyoffiction-blog]

Fragment

I’m back...after a long while.

Was struggling with life and all but I’ve started briefly on a new fic on Hollow Knight. And what if a person of this world find themselves somehow within the world of the Hollow Knight?

Well that plot bunny just dashed off so I had to write something.

cross-posting to Archiveofourown!

Friday - 5th Jan.

Dear...well..diary I suppose?

It felt like I should start a new diary for the year even though it’s been 5 days in. Therapy seem to think it’s a good idea anyway. I’m suppose to write something even if it’s just a sentence long.

Such a chore.

Anyway!

I’ve just got a new game a couple months ago. Hollow Knight.

To be fair I’ve been playing it for a long time with many reruns! Gosh, the lore sometimes fucks with my brain. Like parts of it is missing or something?

Anyway! I’ve played so much that I’ve started dreaming of it! Isn’t that great?

Well...dreaming of some kind of Hollow Knight themed thing anyway. The bugs I’ve seen were huuuuuge. Clearly my imagination is much more creative then I am.

Saturday - 6th Jan.

I couldn’t get up from bed today. Played HK.

Sunday - 7th Jan.

I told Tony & co. I can’t make it to the party. I’m in bed. Sigh maybe I should try harder?

Monday - 8th Jan.

I finally managed to communicate with the bugs in my dream! They told me so many interesting things!

Like they could talk without their mouths moving! It’s like an X-men thing! Telepathy!

Apparently they’re all of the same species, or generally the same species? All the children are grub-like anyway.

I hope I dream of HK again!

Tuesday - 9th Jan.

Didn’t dream at all. Must be the new meds.

Wednesday - 17th Jan

I’m not sure if I was hallucinating but I’ve heard their voice when I’m awake. I mean it’s only a whisper and I couldn’t make out what they said but I swear I heard them! Maybe it’s a sign of schizophrenia or something. But I doubt so….

Saturday - 20th Jan

Everyday feels empty. I wake so tired nowadays...but at least I got to dream every night for the past week! I’ve learned so much about my imaginary world! There’s even different religions. I’ve seen some bugs experimenting with something that looks like soul and void and radiance! Maybe it’s my mind trying to fill the void of history. I mean the Pale King can’t actually be the one that gives intelligence to the bugs. There’s like huge statues of ancients and Quirrell ventured out of Hallownest with his mind intact!

Tuesday - 13th Feb

I’ve just flushed the sleeping drug that therapy gave. It’s not making life any easier to bare and I’d rather feel tired on waking than not dreaming at all…

Thursday - 15th Feb

Their voice is louder now. Still slightly above a whisper but now I could hear the words!

They’re begging for help. “Help….h---lp Us” or something like that.

What is going on?

Monday - 26th Feb

The dreams I had are surreal! I’m starting to doubt if it’s a dream at all! But it must be! I mean clearly it stems from all the time I’ve spent gaming…

Saturday - 17th Mar.

Lifeblood. Radiance. Void. Soul.

Arcane eggs are knowledge orbs. Uses soul to open.

Radiance - Moths (dreams, foreknowledge)

Void - Bettles (power, strength beyond all)

Lifeblood - ??? They look like..spiders? Six eyed insects…(healing, time halting)

Soul - unity of all 3, newest god, arcane powers.

I mean shit summary I know!

But they asked for my help, physically in a dream. They said I have time to choose as it’s a heavy choice. But to be fair, it’s not like there’s much for me in this world anyway…the only time I feel anything is within my dreams….that’s pitiful, huh.

A dark claw pats fondly on the slightly cracked mask of a small Vessel. Their voice croaks:

Over decades, different insect species evolved.

Moths started worshipped Radiance, in its glorious light and in prophetic dreams. She whispers to them, guiding them and giving them the power of foreknowledge,

Beetles worshipped the Void,

the dark and endless being,

he embraces them in life and soothes them in death.

He bestowed onto them the knowledge and strength of one who does not fear death,

for death is a way of unity with past ancestors.

Few follow the gentle sway and gleaming wings of Life.

She who breathes new life into all.

Though reclusive by nature,

they spend their lives guarding the condensed form of lifeblood.”

Looking down with all six eyes, at the small form with the cracked mask, they smiled gently as they load yet another harvest of lifeseeds into the small structure as they continued on their brief lecture of history to the silent, still form.

But a special few refuses to pick sides chose to be guardians of being. Guardians of the soul. For within every living being there is the soul in which arcane arts are made from. Where even the tiniest, youngest bug learns to use, to fuel their legs and jump higher than any should be able to.

Hahaha that was a fond memory of my youth. Got into such trouble too....ah...where was I...

Oh yes! Ahem.

Yet as it always is and will always be, not all experiments were for good causes and some got greedy for power. The boredom of this static life reflects in the boldness of their experiments. What was once created for the search of knowledge became creations of greed. For what is more important than the collection of more power. Slowly the bugs of power forget that their Gods were living, breathing beings too, although not ones encased within hard shells.

The dark being pinged the Vessel's mask as it continues pouring lifeseed after lifeseed, slowly submerging their form.

The moths claimed that the Pale King persuaded them to forget the Radiance, and that is what caused the start of the infection. The Pale King claimed that sacrifices are made for the greater good. For no cost is too much to sacrifice to stop the infection and he created thousands of vessels to contain it forever.

Yet not one bug remembers, remember the ancient beings that ripped the heart of Void into shreds.

Just to milk out one. last. drop. of power.

They took from the Radiance so much light,

that even the foreknowing ones are blinded.

It's voice shook with simmering anger.

We, the guardians of Lifeblood has seen this and fled, just barely, before the claws of the greedy, before they close around our God. And Soul, the youngest of the four gods, the strongest but also in some ways, the most fragile. Poor Soul was forgotten by the heretics.

As the essence of Radiance warped and no longer laid within our eggs, as void in his madness no longer embrace us. Soul weakens in every generation till now they lay dormant in all!

All due to the greed of ones who were trusted to guard their Gods. Fools all of them.

But now we, the true loyals, must run and hide.

The old, decrepit ancient being gave the small vessel a last stroke with their still shiny black claw as they encourage the living bark to grow over the now submerged Vessel.

Hide. All of us. But you dear one.

You will help Soul regain their foothold and bring the glory days back again.

...Well...one can only hope.

We’re lucky you landed without our reach. Our legs aren’t the best for climbing down this damned pit...and we're starved of company so we're sorry for the long rambling, young one.

They wobbled off, whistling a soft tune as the Lifeblood plant branches grew around them, concealing the newest secret they now hold within their branches.

[gwydionae]

11 Questions Meme

Rules:

Post the rules

Answer the questions given to you by the tagger

Write 11 questions of your own

And tag 11 people

Tagged by @sealandangel! ^_^

I am actually procrastinating right now and don’t really have time to make up 11 new questions so I’m gonna be a putz and not tag anyone sorry

What is your favorite way to spend a rainy day?

Just hanging out at home with my computer, kitty, and whatever random project I want to work on that day. ^_^

If you’re in the CLAMP fandom whats your favorite manga and favorite character and why?  

Hahaha, I don’t know that’d I’d say I was in the CLAMP fandom per se, but I do like my fair share of CLAMP stuff. Perhaps surprisingly I think I’d have to say that Magic Knight Rayearth is my favorite of their manga - a bit cliche by today’s standards, sure, but it was one of the first manga series I read, so it introduced me to a lot of those cliches, haha. I just really like the characters and think it’s a solid story with a nice twist at the end.

As for favorite CLAMP character, I’d probably have to go with both Sakura and Shaoran from Cardcaptor Sakura. My heart says that Shaoran is #1, but I know that without Sakura I wouldn’t like him nearly so much. So for me they come as a package deal. They are just both so sweet and innocently adorable, even if Shaoran starts out a bit grumpy, lol. Sakura is a little ray of sunshine that still gets some nice depth, and Shaoran’s journey through self discovery always makes me happy.

Favorite Anime?

My nostalgic favorite is Digimon (specifically Adventure), so I don’t know that anything will ever be able to topple it from that spot as nostalgia is a powerful thing. I love the characters and the fact that it has some surprising depth for a show based on a toy line. Also the backgrounds are GORGEOUS.

But as far as a series where my nostalgia does not taint my opinion, there are a lot I could chose from, but the one that really does just stick out the most is Tsuritama. I love that series so much. <3 Yuki honestly means so much to me, and I truly love the entire cast. That and the story is so unique and fun and interesting! Everyone should watch the show about aliens, fishing, dancing, and social anxiety! XD

Favorite Cartoon?

Oh, this one’s a lot easier: Batman the Animated Series! I mean, sure, there are a ton of cartoons I love, but none will ever top that one. The writing, the atmosphere, the characters, the voice acting, the music... it is truly a masterpiece. BtAS Batman is MY Batman (and none of this later season junk where suddenly all of his personality was zapped away and Babs was, like, dating him or something weird and gross like that and Dick was turned emo and Tim was beyond annoying... ok I’ll stop now...).

Favorite Video game?

I don’t care if it’s the cliche answer: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. While other Zelda games may do individual aspects better (Midna = best companion, BotW’s climbing and paragliding, etc), OoT has the best full package and, in my opinion, the most compelling story. It’s not a groundbreaking story, but as you might have been able to tell by MKR being my fav CLAMP manga, I’m not super concerned about a story having to be unique to be good, lol. That and I love Zelda being Shiek and running around like a ninja for half the game! XD

What do you like to collect if anything?

Hmm, don’t know that I really collect anything. I have in recent years made a point to buy more prints from artists at anime conventions despite not really having the wall space to hang them, so I suppose that might count? lol I want to get, like, a large book I can put them all in or something!

Windows or Mac?

GIVE ME WINDOWS OR GIVE ME DEATH

...I had a rough time in the computer labs back in college. I did so many art projects in a super old version of Paint Shop Pro on my Windows computer simply to avoid having to use the schools Macs because I hated them THAT much. ^_^;;

What languages can you speak in?

Only English... I can understand some Spanish and Japanese, but it’s very minimal.

Do you like the nightmare before christmas?

OF COURSE

Whats your OTP to end all OTPs?

I actually already touched on it: Sakura and Shaoran from Cardcaptor Sakura. <3 It’s just so freaking cute... I won’t start gushing again, though, since, ya know, I already did. XD Just know that I think of it as a super innocent ship - I don’t ship things for the “sexy make out timez” or whatever. I just think they are adorable together.

If you could change ONE outcome in any anime/manga what would it be?

Oooooooooooh that’s rough... See, I’m one of those people who is ok with good characters dying and super bad things happening IF it has significance. So I wouldn’t, like, bring Hughes back or keep Nina from being turned into a chimera, because those are big, impactful moments. So it has to be something that really changed the way I felt about that particular anime/manga...

(I’m... I’m just gonna put this last one under a cut. XD I get pretty heated. LOL It is something that will forever bother me, and if you EVER want to get me going, just bring up Naruto’s Itachi.)

I’ll be honest, the first thing that came to mind is actually from Naruto. I’m not so sure this would be “the ONE” if I actually had time to give this a ton of thought because I stopped enjoying the series even before this happened. But this. THIS was the breaking point. THIS was the one thing that made me turn my back on it completely and despise it with the passion of a thousand burning suns.

Itachi being a “good guy”.

No. NO. NO NO NO NO NO!

This ruined everything. It ruined Itachi who was once this terrifying villain with no remorse toward the killing of his family and made him into a guy who made some really dumb and pointless decisions that ultimately went against what his supposed main goal was all for a cheap shock twist. It ruined Sasuke who should have finally come to the end of his avenging days and had to deal with the fact that it was just as empty and hollow as everyone told him it would be, leading him an ACTUAL path to redemption, but instead was given a lobotomy by the author and only made incomprehensibly dumb choices that went against literally any amount of sense, all so he could stay “bad” until the very end (or whenever exactly that happened - I’m pretty fuzzy on the whole final... war... thing). It ruined Sakura who continued to pine for a guy 100% not worth pining for because he was literally a scumbag when she could have been trying to help a post-avenging Sasuke come to terms with everything instead.

It ruined Naruto himself - say what you want about Sasuke as a character (I loved him pre-time jump, but I know many hated him and I totally get why lol), but one thing you have to give him is that the rivalry between him and Naruto was almost always interesting and fun. They learned from each other, grew together, and yet still wanted nothing more than to one up the other - good, typical shounen rivalry. Sasuke leaving made sense in the story so I was ok with it, but it DID make me care a lot less about Naruto because suddenly I didn’t find the characters he was surrounded with compelling (I’m looking at you, Sai...). If Itachi had not been revealed as a secret “good guy”, this would have left Sasuke with more chances to interact with Naruto in ways other than “I hate the Leaf and want to kill everyone and that includes you”. We could have gotten so much more from the two of them! Maybe they still would have fought sometimes. Maybe Sasuke would help him out before taking off again. It wouldn’t have necessarily meant that Sasuke would have been around all the time, but it still could have given us bits here and there of the two of them interacting with each other which is what made me like the series so much in the first place.

*DEEP BREATH*

Ok. I’m ok. I’m better now. I just... have a lot of feelings about this... XD sorry not sorry

[juniorkaiju-blog]

First post/Introduction

Hi, my name is Ben. 

I’m 31 years old at the time of writing this, and I’m from the Detroit area. I’ve spent the past 10 years of my life toiling and wasting my time on mostly trivial pursuits. That’s not to say I’ve wasted every moment of the last 10 years (nor that I didn’t have good times despite such time-wasting), but I’ve spent a large portion of it not knowing what I wanted to do with my life, going down dead-end roads, and making myself miserable in the process. I recognize misery is a part of being human. It gives us something to reflect upon in order to better ourselves, and without bad days we couldn’t have good ones: a philosophy I use frequently to justify why I’m so miserable sometimes. This preamble is to tell you - and remind me - of where I was mentally and emotionally when I decided, finally, that I want to make games for the rest of my life.

I’ve been to many job interviews and taken many college courses where they’ve asked, “where do you see yourself in 5, 10 years?” “Fuck, I don’t know,” I’d think, often replying to the prompt with some contrived answer in the way of “I want to grow in _____ skills.”

One night (in June 2018) I was preparing to go to bed. I had just listened to a good chunk of a recent episode of Steve Gaynor’s Tone Control podcast, where he interviews game developers about how they got started in the industry; and it pushed me, hard, into knowing what I should (and want!) be doing. On its own this statement sounds silly. “Oh some guy whose work you admire inspired you to do what he does for a living.” But for me, it wasn’t about Steve Gaynor’s career choices nor those of the person he interviewed; all they did was give me more insight into something I’ve always loved: games and how they’re made. I had just started a new job more in line with my college degree and was starting to realize more and more that this new job didn’t make me happy; in fact, it was making me miserable all over again. A story for another time, I suppose, but serves as evidence that merely changing something big in one’s life doesn’t mean that positivity will soon follow. 

For years I’ve wanted to work in video games, I just wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with them. I’ve dabbled in journalism/writing, I’ve cohosted a podcast and I’ve streamed games on Twitch - all with varying consistency. Or is it inconsistency? I don’t know. Hell, I even curated two art shows for my friends at Detroit Arcade Club focusing on characters from video games (something that lines up directly with my college degree). I enjoyed these things - the challenge, the subject matter, and the knowledge gained from them - but I knew even then that it wasn’t something I could see myself doing in 10 years. I’m not the most charismatic or social person these days, and a lot of these things require a certain self-confidence and leadership I lacked and didn’t attain through practicing them. Many people can and have - and good for them (not sarcastically speaking here)! I hope more people can find something they love and pursue it as a career, should that be their goal. Which, after an exhaustive few paragraphs, brings me back to my point: I want to make video games because I’ve always loved video games. They make me happy, and I want to make things that bring joy to the lives of others.

At some of the darkest points in my life, many over the last 10 years, video games have always left an immense impact. In the last year alone, I played Hollow Knight when my wife had to go to back home to Canada for a week to help her sick mother. This was the longest we’d been apart since getting married (I know, it’s only a week. I have dependency issues. I’ll get over it). I played Night in the Woods after my grandmother passed away, which happened to be the week the game came out, and it helped me understand and accept the changes life would force upon me, and the changes that I personally made, for better or worse, and taught me how to grow from/with them. These games taught me more about myself, in a way, and they brought me joy at very difficult times in my life. If you haven’t played them yet, please do.

My goal with this devlog/blog/whatever, is to show what I’m working on, share my learning processes and steps I’m taking to achieve my goals, and grow as a human and developer. I’m not always funny, I’m not always profound, and I’m not always making the best decisions, so if you happen to be reading something that you have a better solution for, that’s what comments and messages are for. I’m not planning to use this platform as a means for social engagement in the way that twitter and Instagram and shit are there for (I’ve spent too many hours of my life in these spaces as it is). But I am certainly hoping to make friends - be it people that like my work, people whose work I like, and people I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts and feelings with. For now, this is all I have to say. Just a bunch of loose thoughts on why I’m even here in the first place. The next thing I’ll post will be more game focused -  though I should be honest - I’m very early in my game development learning. I’ll write more about my influences, my artwork and where I’m drawing suggestions and information from, but as of right now I’ve been focusing my attention on learning Pico-8 from Lexaloffle, learning how to make decent pixel art in Aseprite, and have been jotting down ideas to hopefully take into Game Maker once I have a basic understanding of the skeleton that makes a game function. Or is it the beating heart? Maybe the brain? Fuck it. 

Thanks for listening/reading.

Love,

Ben (Junior Kaiju)