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#maybe it shouldnt have taken me this long to notice that but sometimes watching things back to back reveals that kinda progression
skrunksthatwunk · 1 year
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not to be princess tutu spoilers on main or anything but the fact that the first heart shard mytho gets back is bitter disappointment and the last is hope is just
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January 2020? End of December 2019? 1.
When we met, it didn’t go very well.. and I’m sorry for that. I thought you were so handsome and literally was like why do you hate me already?! You still to this day blame me and I tease you but I accept it. I was rude to you. And. I heard you were rude too. Long before we met. I didn’t know personally. I’d definitely come to find out though.. Then- I felt you were being disrespectful to me. You called me condescending. I asked you if “you knew what that meant” but you laid into me- with your eyes judging and looking down on me and your words piercing. I got so upset I went to the back room walk-in fridge before I started to cry. Boss made me apologize to you actually he made us apologize to each other pretty much.. that night was pretty much over. We really didn’t talk much. But you kept coming in on my shift. So I knew that you must have wanted be around or maybe to get to know me, or maybe it was just a “your bar” and you really thought I was a bitch... but eventually, I get you to talk to me. And I asked you random questions till you noticed how interested in you I was. In the beginning, we definitely weren’t on good terms. I think that was the second time I saw you when I told you I wouldn’t cut you a bad lime..... we really had more mean words and now you get fresh limes cut for you every time you’re at the bar.. you’re that important for me to please.. You look at me sometimes and it makes me consider all things. Its in the way you look at me but you never let anybody know.. you’re going to keep in that little secret… That you hated me at first but you really like me now. I feel it sometimes. You and I were tough for a few more weeks. I slowly started to compliment you. Talk to you more. Asked you personal stuff. I heard you talking about baby B. I asked about him. I got to know you through the conversations you were having around you. I saw how you talked to people and responded so I was always trying to learn you. By watching you. I literally wanted to know everything about you. Right away. And it’s crazy cause of what I had heard of you before. I heard you were harsh. And a different kind of man. I LOVE this about you though. It’s such a magnet for me. Your personality demeanor voice all gets me. Your “” ways are sexy to me too. You are a different breed and I want all of it. The intelligence, the humor, the debates. You open parts of my mind I NEVER KNEW existed. You seriously make me happy by just being you and the person you are with others. Strange as shit but true. I liked you. Even with your attitude, really liked you. You hate me still sometimes cause I’m annoying but you call me randomly. It’s a line.
March 25, 2020
I woke up at around 348am to your FaceTime call but told you i was asleep you let me go and i went back to sleep.. my alarm was set for 615am and at 608am or something like that to the phone ringing it was you again and you wanted me to come over to homies house. I had work. I was getting ready for work so I got ready quicker than usual and got there by like 725am and ended up going inside the house with the homies gf and him “sleeping” and she got super mad at me for being there. You were being kinda loud and she yelled at us so you called her a psychopath.. 🙄 l laid down on their love seat couch with you both our feet hanging off the end and cuddling.. first with my back toward you but I was shaking so you were making fun of me asking if you made me nervous you said something like “are you nervous why are you nervous? What’s wrong with you?!” but you do make me nervous every single time I see you and because my legs wouldn’t stop shaking. You told me to face you and after that it was super intense.. we talked a little.. you asked me over and over if you made me nervous so I final said yes I guess you do.. so you started getting a little closer pulling on me closer and telling me I was something else.. you told me more.. you told me with your eyes how much you liked me but were scared... but then slowly you came closer and closer to give me soft tender intense small kisses and probably the best teasing kiss I’ve ever had in such a long time... I am not just saying that to be cute.. you breathed on my face and my neck.. came close but you didn’t touch kept teasing me played with my nose and my lips got me to stop shaking as much.. I couldn’t stop smiling at your perfection. So much so.. that I had to close my eyes to stop staring at you.. you have a perfect face perfect skin I love your teeth and your nose is the cutest. you smell good your facial expressions just make me want to love you forever because I feel your pains.. I just really want to spend all my time with you and see you and have you look at me the way you do and laugh at me I don’t even care if you’re laughing at me actually i love that it makes me know that you like me.. I know you do now. You told me to shut up when i said it but you do. You don’t want to. It’s exactly how i feel.. i dont want to want you. I don’t want to even like you.. but we do. The biggest opposites attraction I’ve ever had. You teach me a lot. Debate and argue constantly but it makes me wonder and try to keep up with your cool. But you make me think. You push my limits. And my buttons. I know i do to you also. But we flirt it out. About 12 hours later, I text you, “damn just wanted to say hi..” you then text back... 🖤- “You were wasted and it probably shouldnt have happened”. I was pissed at first but immediately let it go. Why should i care? Youve been scared this whole time. I must intimidate you or you must have taken me as a threat when you met me at the bar. But like I said, you get fresh cut fruit just for you every time O see you now. You legit are babied and taken care of by me now because i cant stop considering you.. Every time.
April 18-19, 2020
Twice now, after a long night of partying, you’ve text and ended up FaceTiming me. You invited me to homies gmas house... late. I got there at 12:45am. You called and asked me to come 30 mins after I told you I would and changed my mind.. of course I went because you asked me to. Twice you asked. The second time i definitely understood you wanted me there. You sat next to me a lot of the night. Kept offering things to me. Lines. Almost making sure I was good.. I loved that. You sat on the floor near me. A lot. You let me touch you a little bit and showed me the movie Tombstone. You told The Homie how awesome he is. He is. But I want to experience you once. Just once.
We fell asleep together. You texting me after leaving a night of partying and FaceTiming me had been a three times thing now... which i love and seem to now look forward to. You FaceTime me and you’re tired. The entire two and a half hours all I said was “go to sleep and sleep” while you kept fighting sleep like you had to. You told me to stop eye raping you. I covered my eyes with my sweatshirt good and tried to peek at you under it. It helped you sleep. You are beautiful. You’re a bad sleeper. But i stared at you. I stayed on FaceTime and eventually fell asleep too. You woke up and hung up after awhile and you don’t text me at all unless you’re faded or beyond bored. But seem interested in me and “my toxicity”. I love talking with you and being near you. Somethings different here. You’re not going to change my mind about what i think of you. You may change my feeling toward you. But that’s about it. I know you’re a genuine person. Whether you want to show me that side of you or not.
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leerings · 5 years
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tips on making through debilitating depressive episodes when you got EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION!
i know a lot of people have made these but i just want to make one (mostly for myself? but hopefully it helps others?) idk its cathartic and im going through it so let me live!!!! also some of these are just general depression tips because um... executive dysfuntion doesnt impact everything! also my experiences are specifically with ADHD but im assuming theyll apply to others. 
1) Keep up with hygiene: this is probably the most important thing to do in my opinion. its nearly impossible to want to do anything if you havent taken care of the basics. if showering is too hard, brush your teeth, wash your face, and use dry shampoo... but honestly, even if its the only thing you do and you end up doing it at 9pm, try to take a shower. it will help. 
2) Keep the sad song playlist at bay: its sooo easy to stare at your ceiling and wallow as you listen to mitski for hours on end, but ive noticed that, for me, it just keeps my mood stagnant -- never better. usually when im Going Through It i cant bear to listen to anything up beat or happy, but an easy solution for that is listening to relaxing classical, folk, r&b, etc music. honestly as long as it doesnt remind you that you feel like shit it will be better.
3) Try to talk with your friends: yeah, yeah, adhd makes social media and texting really difficult. for me, when im in a mood, i literally can not text back, make posts, or do anything social. (even though i scroll through social media endlessly, without interacting?) but often this is simultaneously a contributing factor to why you feel bad -- humans are social creatures, we need interaction whether we want it or not lol. try to strike up a text conversation, it can be short, just remind yourself that there are people who care about you and like talking to you. and hey, if you can manage, maybe try to get a quick 30 minute meal with someone. theres less talking, social interaction, and food! which gets me too...
4) Eat as best as you can: i know some people binge eat when their depressed, but im the other side of the coin -- i never eat, i cant muster up the energy to leave bed to find food, mostly because nothing is appetizing in the first place. especially when im on my medication, eating feels nearly impossible. i try to see food as a fuel source when i cant find any joy in it -- even though the experience is unpleasant, my body is loving it. pro tip: leave dried fruits, crackers, your favorite bag of chips, etc under your bed if you’re like me! it makes the whole process a lot easier, and theres less of a hassle in getting food so you might as well eat what you stashed. :p.
5) Clean: after a few days of not doing anything, youre room is gonna start looking like shit. its just an accumulation of your depression and disorganization from adhd, and for me, it makes me feel worse and worse as my room gets dirtier and dirtier. the most important thing ive learned is to tackle one task at a time -- clean the top of your desk, shove all the clothes on your floor into your closet, make your bed... you dont have to do everything in one day. sometimes hiding the mess is a good alternative, and lets you deal with it at a later date while you still have the benefit of a seemingly decluttered room.
6) Try to do something productive: imma be real with you this is one i never follow, but its also really important, especially when youre feeling depressed at a busy time in your life. aim for 5 or 10 minutes of doing an assignment, see how you feel and if you can continue. if not -- thats ok, youve already made a dent, and you can try again later in the day! taking it in 5 to 10 minute increments makes it more manageable, and less of a commitment.
7) Vary what you do: again, so easy to get into hyperfocus and watch 8 hours of sims architecture videos on youtube. try not to let yourself fall into a hole like that. of course, video watching is great, but try to throw in some other of your interests that are more stimulating and interactive. i find myself mindlessly watching videos without even thinking about or absorbing what im watching. its important to branch out -- whether that be video games, drawing, singing... whateva!
im sure there’s more things you can do, and im also aware that these dont apply to everyone. i just think its important to have a realistic baseline of tasks when you feel like you cant do anything. obviously, you shouldnt live like that every day, and you should try to branch out more, but if you ever get stuck please try to take care of yourself! and if this helps im really glad! it helps me! oh and finally -- if youre feeling like this and you havent already, please reach out for support because you literally need it. talking to myself because im still not in therapy but im forcing myself to start this summer because c’mon man this is ridiculous. kbye<3!
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brightlytae · 5 years
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Okay okay. I'm an Exo-L and I used to be an Army but the fandom really hurt my feelings when I got into EXO. (Like fell in love but I never stopped loving Bts) I felt shunned by some Army who felt like I couldn't like Bts if I liked Exo. So I just became an Exo-L. But after seeing about Bts' new album, I really wanna get back into Bts again. But I find it really hard to do it. Maybe because of what I associate them with. But can you tell me reasons why you love them? Maybe I'll remember too!
Hey there! First I guess I want to apologise on behalf of other ‘armys’ who made you feel like you couldn’t listen to Exo. Unfortunately there is such a longggg and (very tired) rift between exo-ls and army and its just so unnecessary. As someone who listens and enjoys both groups, I believe that there is no reason for others to try and stop people from enjoying both! Kpop is meant to be enjoyed and fans shouldn’t feel like they get to control other fans! I hope that you can get back to enjoying both groups!!
I understand what its like when something effects you to the point that it turns you off from your interest. Sometimes people can be so mean and so pushy that its understandable why you would begin to distance yourself. Something I have always done in being a part of a fandom, is to keep myself away from a lot of the fandom issues- such as fanwars and toxic fans who have a little too much to say about other groups. ive said this a few times on my blog, but BTS are not their fans, and these ‘fans’ shouldnt stop you from enjoying what you want to enjoy!
why do I love BTS? for me there are many reasons:
1) Plain and simply- they make me smile. When i’m having a tough day, when i’ve been working late or something has gone wrong, i can watch a bangtan bomb or a run episode and they make me laugh so much. All of the boys are such characters that compliment each other so well and they all have a streak of humour that is just attached to my funny bone. like they’re just so chaotic and fun, they arent afraid to laugh at themselves and have a good time and that to me, is so refreshing to see. When I watch them, i just feel so connected and drawn in, they make me somehow feel a part of the jokes and i really enjoy that.
2) Their music and message. BTS songs really are pieces of art. I really love how active a role the members have in the production of the songs and i specifically love the way they use their music as an outlet to talk about very real problems that teens and young adults are facing as well as just addressing social issues in such a mature and intelligent way. Songs like no more dream and N.O from their earlier albums, songs like Paradise and Answer: Love myself from their newer albums… these are things that i feel like people like me need to hear. They have reminded me that i will be ok and that i deserve to be happy. They tell me that i am worth something even when i am confused about who i am/ what i want in life and they tell me that i am allowed to believe in myself. They use their talents to create these songs that speak to people and connect to them. When I think about Agust D and Mono i know for a fact that there are songs on those albums that have helped so many people (me included). but also songs like Baepsae and 21st century girls are just so so important too? As someone very interested in politics/class systems/society and someone who considers themselves a feminist- i just love seeing these things being brought up in music!
3) Their bond. The boys are so so so connected and that was one of the early things that really pulled me towards bts and made me stay. i noticed when watching their videos, just how considerate they are of each other, how much they look after one another, build each other up, rely on one another, remind each other that they are doing a good job… that they matter. Their friendship is so beautiful to see and for me, it makes the content they release feel so organic- they’re just so themselves around each other and its very real to me, they ways in which they are dedicated to the group. they are a family and they love each other so much!
4) They are good people. They run the Love myself campaign with unicef and several members have donated thousands to charities around South Korea. They truly want to make a difference in the world and they really want this difference to be a positive one. They’re so dedicated to giving and giving- and we dont see this often with celebrities really. 
5) they are relatable. I strongly believe that groups deserve privacy and to have a personal life but bts have always been very open with their fans and i have such a huge amount of respect for them for doing that. They have been vocal about the hard times they have faced, some of their struggles and they remind us that they are just like us.Where they have opened up, they have allowed others to feel like they too can share their concerns and that is so important! And they have torn down the fan/idol barrier in so many ways and allowed us to view them as friends or family. They really care about us all and want us to be happy- they’ve dedicated songs specifically to give us this message and they never forget to tell us just how much we mean to them.  
6) They work so so so damn hard! They dedicate hours and hours of their time to making music and practising choreography, even on their breaks they find time to record songs and covers for us, go on vlive, post on twitter and connect with their fanbase. But really the amount of work they apply to their craft shows- they’re comebacks are always so flawless and intense, I am always surprised and excited by what they are going to do next and they are never predictable! their music videos are literally some of the best things i have ever seen in my life- the artistry, the vision, the storylines…. its all on another level to me. Things are not half-assed. They make sure that when they want to show us something, that something is perfect and it really is always just. so.  damn. perfect!
7) and that leads me on to the steps bts have taken beyond just music. They dont just give us albums, they have given us a whole world! We get notes, a comic book and short films all dedicated to a whole story-line of events that (sure is confusing af) but it keeps me so intrigued! I cant help but want to always know more, find out what I can and see whats coming next! 
I think ive probably rambled at you for long enough but i just want to say that i  found bts at a time in my life where i felt very confused and unlike myself. Bts reminded me of who I was and what I like. I have to say that Taehyung especially did this for me. As i was learning about them and i saw how unapologetically himself he was, how he was so optimistic and caring, how he didnt let things bother him, he reminded me that i used to be like that and that i wanted to be like that again. He and the rest of the group helped me find myself and reconnect to a lot of my emotions. 
I hope this could help you in some way remember what it was about bts that you loved so much, and please dont hesitate to contact me again if you want to talk about this more! When the new album comes out, I hope you can get back into bts like you want to do! Im sorry again for what happened with those other army who shunned you. On this blog I will never make someone feel bad for enjoying exo or any other kpop group out there. 
Thank you for stopping by and asking me this question. It was really nice revisiting why i love bts as much as i do and reminding myself of all they have done for me!
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alyssastarlight · 5 years
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Title: Sweet Like Candy to My Soul Author: Nikayla For: @gaycrouton, the Valentine’s Fic Exchange on Twitter Pairing: Mulder/Scully, MSR Set During: Season 4 cancer arc, though there’s very little acknowledgment of it Word Count: 4,900 Rating: M/NC-17
She swallows thickly and he can hear the faint smack of her lips when they part to take another breath. Suddenly he’s fascinated by those lips. Wholly immersed in their plumpness; the flush of their coloring, the shine left behind when she nervously licks along her top lip. Even more suddenly he’s consumed by a need to touch those lips, his hand reaching her face before he’s entirely realized the whim — fingers skimming along her jawline as his thumb whispers underneath the protrusion of her full bottom lip. Her mouth closes on an ‘M’ that doesn’t end up forming anything more.
A/N: I’m horrible at following prompts but I hope this will fulfill your v-day wishes regardless. The concept came to me in that place between awake and sleep and developed itself pretty much against my will and I hope that you and everyone else will like it. Happy Valentine’s Day! ATTHS!
FF.NET | AO3
What a way to spend Valentine’s Day. Not that it really amounted to anything that different from how he normally spent it, with no girlfriend to speak of. But being caught in a blizzard at the tail end of a lackluster case, forced to stay holed up in a motel room when stepping foot outside ran the risk of coming back with icicles for eyelashes was still fairly low on his list of fantasy holidays. Were it not for the redhead whose room his adjoined to, he might have actually gone completely stir-crazy here, in a town he’d never have chosen to visit otherwise. But about said redhead.
On Hour 5 of their forced confinement there was a small rap at the door separating their rooms, the ravishing creature responsible inviting him in to hers to go over the field report she’d been typing away at. It was a welcome reprieve from flipping through the three different channels he’d managed to pull in, each one not much more than a snowy reflection of the blustering weather just outside.
Entering her room he was greeted by a handful of new sensations. The room was warm; probably no more than his but it had a sort of inviting air to it that his stale quarters lacked. Though that may have had more to do with the room’s inhabitant than whatever temperature she’d set her thermostat to. Second, the room smelled infinitely better. Again, something easily attributed more to his partner herself, as there were no candles, incense or the like around to have accounted for it otherwise. And then — there she was.
Casual Scully wasn’t something he got to experience very often. Even in a presumably casual setting she was still often found in a tailored jacket at the very least, if not a full-blown FBI regulation suit. Doing a very unregulated job of hugging her in ways he shouldn’t let himself take note of, but was guilty of nonetheless. But here in Nowhere, North Dakota, stuck in a crappy motel, Casual Scully had made her way out since he’d last spoken to her.
Wearing leggings and an old chopped up t-shirt, with her hair half clipped out of her face; a few wayward pieces breaking free to dance at her cheekbones, though he could hardly fault them for that. It was an indiscretion he himself had been guilty of; breaking away from propriety at times, indulging himself in sweeping the backs of his fingers along her cheek, hidden beneath a guise of either comfort or kindness — brushing a strand of hair from her face before she’s even noticed it had fallen out of line. Casual Scully made it more difficult than usual to resist staring, his gaze lingering in all kinds of ways inappropriate for interoffice partnerships. It was this fact that led him to notice her ten little red painted toes — the only sign he could see of her acknowledging the occasion.
As he surveyed the rest of the room he noted the mat set out just beyond the foot of the bed. She’d taken up yoga a number of weeks before — she’d told him as much, but this was his first actual glimpse into her new ritual. “I was just about to do some stretches,” she mentions offhandedly, before doing a much less off-handed job of whipping her t-shirt over her head, revealing a sports bra to match her workout bottoms. “Be my guest,” his voice does a terrible job at parroting her tone, sounding deeper and fuller than intended; though thankfully, she doesn’t seem to notice.
Retiring to the relative safety of the table in the corner of the room, her report left open on her laptop’s screen for him, he once again took the opportunity to spend more time watching her than paying attention to the work in front of him. He looked on with a kind of silent fascination — watching her small but strong form leading itself from one stretch into the next; muscle molding beneath skin. The vision she presented proved far more enticing than words on a screen, and he indulged himself deeper into this welcome distraction.
“Mulder?” Her voice rings out, and he’s certain he’s caught; that the old pretending to read a file gag has failed him. As fate would have it, he’s safe, with her gaze still angled away from him while his has lingered both inconspicuous and yet carelessly — he’s read maybe 12 words of this file and none have been subsequent. “Can you tell me if my back is straight?” She sounds forthright yet idyllic; an odd combination given the situation, but he’s not one to question it.
“Pretty close.” He answers quick, too quick — too obvious that he hadn’t just looked up when she spoke but had been following closely along as she moved from stretch to stretch. He has no idea their names but he can recall in perfect clarity exactly how she looked in each of them.
“Can you adjust me?”
A lump threatens to overtake his throat at her request, strangling his voice before he can cover it with a cough. “Shr—uhum—Sure Scully.” Moving to join her, kneeling just beside her prone form, he’s all at once taken aback by just how small she is. Tough as nails, his Scully, and yet no bigger than a sixth grader. Her size betrays her strength, he knows. He’s witnessed it. He could even say he’s witnessing it now, as she holds herself in a plank position, muscles taut and straining but strong; powerful. He knows she could knock him out if she ever wanted to. Hell, sometimes he wishes she actually would.
“Am I close?” Once again she pulls him back from whatever internal fantasy he can’t seem to let go of; her voice holding a focused innocence his can scarcely claim.
“You tell me.” Having overcome the lump, he sounds more wanton than anticipated. “Sorry...bad joke.” Deciding it would be best to move things along quickly before she can have a reaction, he finally takes in her position from a — fleetingly — objective mind. The next stretch requires a straight back, he tells himself clinically; easy enough. A warm hand lands against her and he marvels momentarily at this new perspective. He’s touched her here almost every day and yet seeing it — seeing the way his hand almost spans her right the way across, how fair and soft she is beneath her suits, the faint smattering of freckles that decorate the area... He doesn’t realize just how long he’s fallen silent; staring, cataloging, until her voice shakes him back to reality once more. “Mulder?”
“Sorry,” he mutters absentmindedly, and moves on to the task at hand.
He’s gentle with her — not that he needs to be; but the compulsion is there all the same. He’s delicate as he maneuvers each area, setting her shoulders just so, pressing softly against her mid-back to correct the slightly convex curvature there. Reaching her lower back again he is struck just as he’d been the first time, summarily distracted from his task of righting her spine’s position; lost within the creamy expanse of Scully skin. He feels more than hears her intake of breath when his fingertips gently wander down her vertebrae, re-misaligning her upper back, requiring he correct it once again.
“Sorry.” She mimics him from before, and her voice holds a quality he somehow can’t quite pinpoint; a borderline somewhere between distraction and...something else. Continuing where he left off, he passes over her lower back, memorizing the curve without the hindrance of fabric to interrupt his mapping of her. Her spine is slightly bowed here, dipped inward from the posture she’s trying to achieve; and he realizes the only way to actually right this is to reach beneath her, palming her stomach to ease her into alignment. He leaves one hand behind to provide a counterbalance, the other bracing itself just over her navel, feeling the rigidity in her abdominal muscles as he finishes repositioning her.
“Looks good to me.” There’s no way to disguise the way his voice has lowered since he last spoke; an all too obvious indication of what touching her could do to a man. He can’t help noting how she looks to be fairing no better, with a slight tremor visible in her stance as she attempts to control her breath. “Thank you.” Her voice shakes just as perceptibly as she is; slight, but it’s there. She holds the stretch for a thirty count, and he’s made no move to leave her side even when she’s finished. She drops a knee to the mat and lets out a languished breath, then turns to sit facing him. Neither has said a word for the last minute or more, and electric molecules buzz in the air like the flurries just outside her window.
She swallows thickly and he can hear the faint smack of her lips when they part to take another breath. Suddenly he’s fascinated by those lips. Wholly immersed in their plumpness; the flush of their coloring, the shine left behind when she nervously licks along her top lip. Even more suddenly he’s consumed by a need to touch those lips, his hand reaching her face before he’s entirely realized the whim — fingers skimming along her jawline as his thumb whispers underneath the protrusion of her full bottom lip. Her mouth closes on an ‘M’ that doesn’t end up forming anything more.
Her eyes are deadly focused on his, though his own have taken up a residence alongside his thumb for the time being. He watches diligently at the way her lip gives under the insistent pressing of his thumb; her breath a hot little cloud moistening the digit along with her lips. Growing braver or perhaps just more foolish, he moves up, to fully experience the satiny impact of her lip head on — feeling her breath shake all the while she allows him this great indulgence. And indulge he does.
“What made you take up yoga?” He asks as though he isn’t currently tracing his partner’s uniquely perfect pout. But a very unpartner-like behavior only breeds more unpartner-like conduct. She swallows again, the action parting her lips once more; though his thumb has still yet to leave their pillowy expanse, simply moving back to outlining the brim of her lower lip once more. His fingers have taken up a more serious attachment to her jawline, and he makes no indication of removing them to make this any easier on her. He can see the mix of shock dancing in her eyes — shock at what he’s doing, perhaps even shock at herself for so freely allowing what he’s doing, and shock that he’s chosen this moment to ask about her exercise habits.
She swallows again and he can feel the sensation just below his fingertips where they graze against her throat. Her lips look as though she’s going to question him. ‘Mulder what are you doing?’, ‘Mulder why are you touching me like this?’, ‘Mulder why haven’t I stopped you?’. He silently prepares himself for — he wouldn’t call it rejection, but it will certainly end up feeling that way. He’s in this just as she is; shock mixing around his mind, at his own audacity, brazenness, at her lack of rebuff until now. But she surprises him yet again — her voice coming out with what looks like a great effort to remain unaffected, but ending up sounding altogether very, very affected.
“It was suggested to me...” His Scully is stronger than any man or woman he’s ever known. Her fortitude astounds him almost daily, but no more than it does in this moment. Perhaps later he’ll tell himself it was that fortitude that spurred him on — a voiceless challenge to rattle those fortifications, push past those braces before she shores herself up impenetrably. Yes that must be the reason he finds himself tugging her closer, his hand having moved to the back of her neck before he fully realizes it; but how can anyone expect anything of him when he’s just felt the first brush of contact of her lips and his? She draws in a quick gasp of breath at the connection, which he’s almost certain amounted to little more than drawing in his exhale; CO2 invading her lungs as his tongue makes its first bid at invading her mouth.
All at once she lets him, even meets him halfway; her tongue colliding with the wet intrusion of his — a first kiss to end all others. It’s slow and soft, yet achingly erotic. This suddenly sensual creature before him never fails to surprise him. Thinking back he could argue that she’s always been sensual — wholly feminine, more beautiful than he’d allow himself to acknowledge — never wanting to reduce her to a mere sensual being, when she was that and so, so so much more; most especially to him. But the kiss — the kiss cements her in his mind as an utterly beautiful, utterly sensual woman. He’ll be hard-pressed to extract her in any other state now, with the way her hands have suddenly clutched into his t-shirt, leveraging herself closer to him; he’ll be hard-pressed indeed.
“Mulder...” his name finally makes it out, but not like he expected. It isn’t ‘Mulder what are you doing?’ it’s ‘Mulder keep doing what you’re doing or I’ll shoot you again.’ Okay maybe not exactly that, but his mind has a mind of its own now and it’s decidedly run away with him. Taken whatever it was that held him back from her for this long and blown it sky high. His hands reach for her waist and pull her in a swift, clean motion; her slight weight flying across the short distance between them until she’s in his lap, knees pressed in to the carpet and lips at a much better angle for him to kiss. She draws in another quick breath at the relocation, but seems just as appreciative to be closer now than just in arm’s reach. Her hands are in his hair and she’s flush against his chest, and she’s just as intent on keeping this going as he is.
A soft, little sound escapes her lips and goes right to his groin. A moan, you idiot — his brain tells him late. You just made Dana Scully moan with a kiss. The realization suddenly brings a smile to his lips, which makes a momentary mess of their kiss. But then she’s smiling too, as though his were infectious and she’s caught it — lock, stock, and barrel. The only cure is to kiss her deeper, drawing another mewling sound from her throat, which makes the same trek downwards just as her hips shift above him. They both feel it — the palpable inevitability of what comes next if they don’t stop this now. His heart lurches at the thought of stopping anything they’re doing right now, and she must sense it; allaying his fear in a single phrase.
“Bed now.”
Her words come out fast, almost too fast for him to register initially. He hears them late, but his body seems to have a mind of its own too; already having gathered her up, mere milliseconds from depositing her on the bed before it registers that this is what she asked for — her body receiving his with a contented sigh. Her legs wrap around his waist and he’s trapped; locked in to her embrace and he’s never felt better, safer, more accepted than he does in this moment. Scully has always accepted him, accepted his faults, his penchant for running off; she hates it but she accepts it all the same. She doesn’t seem to be hating this now though, when he rolls his hips and makes contact against her, she certainly doesn’t seem to be hating this at all.
The friction throws a wrench into their otherwise picture-perfect kiss. They have a rhythm developed already; born perhaps out of dancing around one another so close for so long — it’s instinctive. They know when the other needs a breath, and when breath is the least of their priorities. A kiss; deep, and long, is of much greater importance right now, and he’s chosen then to throw her off her game. Her fingers clench tighter into his hair, as though to steady herself — he’s caused yet another misalignment from touching her this way, and it’s his responsibility alone to fix it.
Without warning he breaks the kiss completely; her eyes fling open and her breath dislodges from her chest on a sudden outward journey. But it’s just as quickly pulled back in; his lips have only relocated — dropped to her throat to do a more than satisfactory job of kissing her there. He feels her begin to melt beneath his ministrations, turning to magma beneath his lips; molten hot and percolating at his touch. She is in sharp contrast to the rage of weather still outside; all but trapping them here, and at least partly responsible for setting this in motion.
His hands finally take initiative to do the same; moving from her waist to engulf her breasts, causing another moan to plant itself in her throat, and her teeth to bury themselves in her kiss-swollen lip to prevent it from fully surfacing. This only proves to spur him on more. He wants that moan — wants to hear it full force; feel it vibrate his very being and know he was the cause. He finds her nipples through Lycra fabric, kneads at them with his thumbs as his hips drive into hers on a soft roll; and that does it. The moan breaks free and she clutches him tighter. The moan sounds like his name and when he repeats the motion again, it is. “Mulder.”
He decides then and there his name has never sounded better, and likely never will again.
She begins to writhe beneath him, growing impatient and only more aroused the longer he takes to give her anything more than petting through material. But he isn’t quite done with it yet. One hand leaves her breast, much to her dismay. She tells him of such with an impatient whimper and an almost painful grasp of his hair. It turns to speaking when his hand moves between her legs; a supplication to God himself, and he’s almost tickled that he’s caused her to bring Him in to this.
He strokes at her clothen center — the scorch of her emanating through the layers still between them, bordering on incendiary. She writhes again and her hand joins the one still at her breast, grapples at him until he grips her tighter; a vision of desperation he will never get out of his head. He decides suddenly, to put her out of her misery. His hand slinks past elastic and cotton, and finally touches the flaming ember between her thighs. Three large fingers stoke her very core, eliciting the most beautiful moan he thinks he’s ever heard; three parts pleasure one part repose — it says finally, something more substantial.
The pads of his fingers run up and down the length of her, yet to focus on one place. For the time being it seems to be enough for her; as she lets her soft, mewling sounds leave her lips freely now, and tells him in a kind of Morse code through her tightening and loosening grip on his hair when and where it feels just right.
“Get this off.” He plucks at the perimeter of her sports bra, suddenly aware that he has still yet to see her breasts and that that simply won’t do. He sits up just enough to give her the room required to remove it but not so much as to break the connection of his hand between her legs. She seems most appreciative of that fact, and rewards him with a cross of her arms and a tug of fabric; the bra is lost beyond the bed and her breasts are finally free — her panting breath causing them to rise and fall gently, somehow making them appear even more enticing. “God Scully.” It’s the only reaction that comes to mind. Give it up to the big man, if he really is up there; if he really is responsible for these perfect, cherry-tipped breasts before him.
His hand returns to her first — molding along her flesh in a way he’d be lying if he said he never thought of doing before this moment. But as most merely imagined things are, it’s better than he ever could have predicted. She’s soft but firm under his hand; warm, welcoming flesh accepting his touch ardently. She flushes under the weight of his gaze and grasp on her — a pretty, pink tinge trailing out across her skin. But despite the blushed hue she is still his immutable partner. “Need this off you.” She grabs for his t-shirt and he’s forced to let go of her to aid in her removing of it. It’s narrowly out of sight before she’s clutching at his flesh, dragging him back down to her; to her waiting chest and lips. Her hands encircle as much of his back as she can reach, fingers press in to lines of muscle and tendon, and the nails of one hand light sparks along his scalp — actions all intended to draw him close, closer; keep him there, keep him kissing her — as if he would stop unless it were her express wish that he did.
His thumb sweeps along the side of her face, this time needing no excuse or wayward tendril to do so. She hums in contented recognition of the overt tenderness of the gesture; kisses him earnestly, matches him equal in her tenderness, as though he deserves nothing less. His heart clinches momentarily, at the thought that she could love him. That on this day of love and bad greeting cards she’d choose to receive the former from him, and return him hers in commensurate measure. He peppers kisses along her cheeks, her jaw; drawing a giggle out of her the likes of which he’s never heard. He can’t resist retracing his steps to kiss her effervescent mouth — to hold some of her laugh inside him forever, as once it entered him he would never surrender it to the harshness of the world ever again.
Her fingers trace a blazing trail down the column of his spine, ending somewhere near his mid-back as she runs out of arm length to reach any further. Diminutive, he’s reminded; and as if she senses his thoughts through some tongue convertible telepathy, she uses her strength to flip him onto his back. Her eyes sparkle — diminutive my ass, Agent Mulder. His petite, achingly pretty partner has finally knocked him on his ass; and she looks particularly proud of herself for doing so. Her hands reach for his belt and it’s game on again. No more verbose silent soliloquies written like odes unto her beauty. At least not for the moment.
With his belt gone she makes quick work of the button and zip of his jeans; extricates herself from him, much to his dismay, but it’s only in necessity to remove the garment, and drop it in a muffled denim thump onto the carpet. Her leggings are next to go; her hips wiggling side to side as she works the snug fabric down her toned, peaches and cream colored legs. He sits up swiftly before she can deal with the rest herself — he wants this privilege; wants it burned inside his very eyelids, so on every blink he gets the split-second reminder, of just what it was like to strip Dana Scully of the last of her underthings.
He sits at the edge of the bed with her fixed between his legs. He kisses the curve of her waist, drags his mouth along the path to her hip, takes her waistband into his teeth and softly snaps it against her. She laughs again, softly; and tangles a hand back into his hair. She indulges his monumental levels of patience even while she has no such monuments of her own. When he finally raises his hands to grasp and pull the fabric down her legs she lets out a sigh; something between relief and a dash of apprehension. There’s no going back now.
He kisses along her sternum but his eyes are decidedly skywards. But this time he’s not looking to the sky for intangible spacecraft hovering above — he’s looking to her. He holds her in place with the weight of his gaze alone. It says to her that this is about you, us; not just him or what lies between her legs. She dips down just enough to kiss him, with the softest kiss they’ve yet to share. The impossible pillow of her lips accepts his own in a cradle akin only to a cloud. He is truly discovering unidentified objects here; flying along with her to light the way.
Her lack of patience has finally begun to catch up with her; and she tugs at the top of his boxers, the turgid, solid length of him breaking free. His shorts have barely reached his calves before her hand has grasped the fullness of him; taking up a slow, rhythmic manipulation of flesh that leaves him burdened with a desperate sort of longing to surge up into the vise of her grip.
“Scully—” His hands take up a similar vise grip of her waist; the rest of his sentiment conveyed only through the fervor in his eyes. Now it’s her turn to put him out of his misery — when she’s in his lap again and the heat of her is engulfing him inch by solid inch. His lips find her breast as she adjusts atop him; accepts him all the more than she’s already done. Her fingers clutch at his shoulders as she works her way down, back up and down again; each time taking more until he’s buried totally inside her and never wants to come back out.
He kisses her again and swallows up her humming; the soft sounds she’s begun making as she sets out a rhythm with him. His hands hoist her gently by the hips to aid in her cadence, and pull her back down in parallel motion; sinking deeply into her waiting warmth and besetting a quiver into her pliable construction. Her rhythm starts to falter even with his helping hands, strength waning as pleasure takes a stronger hold.
“Mulder...” her bliss-racked voice beseeches him; so he rolls and moves them back up the bed, lets her take residence up below him once again, drives his hips into hers like before but this time the connection is palpable — sweaty and authentic, and he’s in rapture all the more. He looks on in fascination at his length disappearing into her — sees the flush creep back in all over now; a full body blushing and he just has to see her face. She’s grown pinker and more wanton since he’s switched their positions, enjoying her view of his form just as he is hers. They share a lust-addled smile before he’s on her again; kissing her hungrily as his hips roll and smack into hers in a delicious dizzying stroke, touching places within her that make her break the kiss to moan and wriggle before just as desperately returning to his lips for just a bit more.
His hands engulf her breasts again; thumbs thoroughly titillating her pert nipples until she’s using any leverage she has to thrust her hips downwards to meet his halfway — anything to tear more pleasure from their joining. Her sounds have been reduced to mere whimpers now; hands clutching desperately for a hold, something to keep her on the precipice, anything to feel like this just a little longer. He stops the overstimulation he’d committed to her breasts, instead focusing on a caress of her hips, her waist, the middle of her chest and even up to her throat. Whatever he can do to extend her pleasure, he’ll do it. He changes the angle of his hips slightly and she all but yelps. “Right there, Mulder—God.” His thrusts steadily hit her in just that spot and she’s quivering again — teeth chattering, nails digging in to his flesh, her voice growing higher and more desperate than he’s ever heard her. His own pleasure is fast surfacing; a wave ready to break on the rocks at any moment, barely holding back but using all his remaining strength to do so.
The inevitable is approaching; fast, and faster still. He knows she’s close but still needs something — that final push into oblivion, and he finds it with his thumb. He smooths the pad of it along her apex, unearths the diamond of nerves at her medial and rubs circles against it until she’s convulsing internally; spasming around him in the most beautiful fashion, and then he’s spilling over too — cresting white waves against the beach, her name on his lips like she were a prayer. And God, for him. She is.
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johtodaycare · 4 years
Text
...
Oh, what the fuck?
why is he out here liying in the damned grass of all things? he quit drinking specifically because of the hell sleeping on the ground wrought on his back and also on doctors orders but mostly of his own volition for the most part. okay first up taking stock of himself and his surroundings. anything wrong with me? no more than usual, creaky back and cracked joints yelling at him as always if a bit louder then is the norm but thats to be expected.
anyone around me i should be watching out for? he listens without opening his eyes yet and doesnt hear anything human nearby, theres a pokemon snoring away right up close to hiim and a few yards away he can hear the rustle rustle of little pokemon trainers wading through the grass on their way to somewhwere important for their journey he guesses but none have noticed him or stopped to check on him if they have.
who’s that pokemon? it’s persian! specifically gemothy, his beautiful baby boy! he got out of his ball at some point last night and curled his way under greg’s bad leg! how sweet of him to care for his dad like that! he’ll have to remember to give him a pokeblock when hes up and about!
do i still have all my pokemon? no pokeballs taken but he knows well enough that doesnt mean theyve not been replaced by weaker mon in the same sort of ball and while hed like to think hes 100%of telling his pokemons pokeballs just from the wear and tear theyve taken over time he knows that aint reliable.
gemothy? check. bruno? check. barkspawn? check. honcho? check. bliss? no check. whos fucking jigglypuff is this? parmesan?? no check big x mark, someone fobbed their clefairy off onto him. who the fuck gives up those 2 pokemon? even if you dont want them theres always paying customers out there who do! you can make bank on the little puffballs even just selling 1 at a time! not to mention the breeders who live off these lines!
okay thats it up we go! times a wasting and hes gotta get his blissey and his dog back. his joints can cry all they want. now where the hell is he really? just a bit off path for route 48 apparently. retracing steps what had he meant to do out here?
oh right.
he’d spent the last couple days at the safari zone catching pokemon with jun. more specifically hed been trying, and failing, to catch the meanest croagunk hed ever had the displeasure of meeting. and when jun tried to help him out hed snapped at him.
jun didnt deserve anything like that.he was legitimately trying to help him out.he usually manages to keep his cool over shit like this but hed been irritated onto his last nerve by his own joints and johto’s douchiest poison frog.
he’ll never quite get used to johto. everything is so so different from orre. everything is much nicer? he guesses? warmer maybe. nobodies as friendly in orre, where you can live most of your life next to someone and not even know their name. nobody really talks to anyone around past the age of 10 or before age 60. let alone stop to offer any help without being asked.
back in orre if you wanted to make like sisyphus on his hill with some  arbitrary ass task you were left to bang your head on the wall until you either got tired of it or hurt yourself enough to need help. nobody really gives you shit in orre, not without being asked, threatened, payed to or what. aid only comes unprompted when they need your body out of their way.
johto is so so different. it scrapes on his nerves sometimes even though it really shouldnt. going from having to maintain an image to not put a target on his back to johto where people stop and help you for no reason if you drop shit in the street. and even the people trying to rob you are more likely to challenge you to a pokemon battle then just attack you outright. what counted for the local gang was dismantled by not 1 but 2 beginner pokemon trainers.
johto is painfully different. he had to completely reverse gears on the way he behaved. do the exact opposite of what he was raised to. go completely against his instincts on damn near everything. assimilating into johto was a long process of deprogramming himself from constantly being on lookout for the slightest sign of hostility. forcibly lowering his guard to Be Nice At Least Greg. because everything hed learned in orre went from just common sense to dickish behavior in practically one day.
minding your own business is apparently cold hearted around here. you have to make nice with everyone you interact with not just your boss and some people youre friends with. people who do not know him at all worry about him! take time out of their day to see if he needs help! its overwhelming enough to make him miss being ignored.
it isnt so bad of course. in small doses from friends he can handle the attention better. but it was still weird to go from team snagem admin who’s only real draw was being so apathetic he didnt even care enough to punish you when you fucked up to having control himself 24/7 just to stay approachable enough to keep his daycare running with clients.
for the 100th time in his life he wonders if hes cut out for this shit. if he should pack up his thingsand take his antisocial ass back to orre to live with the rest of the douchebags out there. if he could maybe run the daycare in agate village.
maybe he should.
he doesnt want to though. he likes it here even if the place and the people are kind of a headache for him sometimes. its very nice when its not overwhelming and hes got more friends here than he ever did in orre. hes a selfish bastard through and through, hes never let go of shit. everything hes ever lost to time or the world or someone else had his claw marks on it.
he can make it up to jun probably? jun doesnt have to forgive him if he doesnt want to but he can put the croagunk thing mostly behind them. jun deserves an apology for it at least.
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bandwpanda · 5 years
Text
piece of work
[...]
“Jake?” Lottie said, looking at his soft eyes and the bright smile, whereas he was dying inside.
“Yes?”
“I thought you were sleeping.”
“No, Sam said I’d slept for fourteen hours, it was enough for me.”
“How long do you usually sleep?”
“Well, that depends, but at most nights I sleep for like... maybe three hours, sometimes I don’t sleep at all.”
“Jake, you know that it’s wrong, right?”
“Yeah, I tried to change it, but I couldn’t, I can’t sleep.”
“Oh, baby.” Lottie said with tearful voice, pushing Jake’s weak body closer to hers, and hugging him tighter. “Please, don’t do that to yourself.”
“I don’t do anything, I just have severe sleeping issues.”
“You’re too thin, Jakey. Your cheeks are more... concave? When did you eat anything last time? And, please, don’t lie, I’m here to help you.”
Inside his broken heart and lost soul he knew that Lottie, the love of his life, was right. He could not keep lying about his eating disorder, self-harm, depression and suicidal thoughts that he has been having for about two years. Suddenly he felt guilty, what his eyes showed.
“Jakey?” she attracted his attention. “Tell me, what’s really going on?”
“I- I don’t know.”
“Jake, please.”
“I’m serious, Lottie.” Jake tried to hide his tearing up eyes, as he knew that it was not a good move to cry in the front of Lottie, because in that case she would find the truth about him out. “Everything is just fine.”
“Oh, honey, then why are you crying?” she wiped the tear streaming down his pale face. “Please, don’t lie. This one time, please.”
“I just- it's too complicated... And I- I don’t know what’s ha- happening to me.” Jake closed his eyes, and so many tears appeared on his concave cheeks.
Lottie kept holding his tiny body in her arms, but when she saw the first tears, she wanted to cry, too. For her it was a broken-hearting view. Lottie swayed him carefully, as she knew that it was one of the things that were able to calm him down, especially if she was with him during the cry, panic attacks or something even worse.
“Baby, you’re safe.” she whispered to Jake, when he tightened his fist on the material of her shirt.
“I know.” he barely said. “Just take this pain away from me.” he muttered.
“Shh, you’re safe, I’m here.” Lottie kept rocking him in the way like she was rocking a baby to sleep.
It took Jake a long time to calm down, what ended up him falling asleep in Lottie’s arms. He was, finally, breathing peacefully, even though the skin around his eyes, nose and cheeks was flushed and swollen. Lottie covered him with a warm, light blanket.
Around 6PM Lottie went to Sam’s and Danny’s room, leaving Jake alone in his bedroom.
“How’s Jake?” Sam asked when he noticed Lottie coming in.
“Well, he’s sleeping. He’s been crying for over three hours and couldn’t calm down so let him sleep.” the girl explained. “He’s very tired, thin and weak. Does he even eat anything?”
“Mostly, I think so. If he doesn’t... Well, he’s good at hiding emotions and feelings in that case... I don’t know, he usually eats something, especially when he’s with us.” Josh said after a moment of thinking.
“Oh, okay, well, he’s too skinny and small, that’s why I’m asking.”
“I know, we’re all worried about him.”
“I know. I just... I could feel and see his ribs and hips. He looks literally like a walking corpse. God... I don’t want to go to his funeral.”
“None of wants it to happen.” Sam said, looking at Ariana. “That’s the last thing I want to attend to.”
“Me neither.” Josh agreed with his younger brother. “Well, let’s talk about something different than this.”
“Let’s talk about music!” Ariana said louder than she should, what only highlighted her attitude.
“Sure, why not.” Danny nodded. “So, the Grammys?”
“Don’t tell me! No, stop right there.” Ariana moved her hand on Sam’s. “No, no, no.”
“Why? You wanted to start it?” Josh was surprised but not disappointed that much.
“She has a huge crush on Ariana Grande.” Lottie explained. “That’s why. She couldn’t stop talking about her and the Grammys two days ago.” she laughed lightly.
“I see.”
Ariana’s cheeks became flushed.
~~~~
Three days later Josh, Jake, Sam, Danny, Ariana and Lottie were to Los Angeles. It was because of the situation connected to Jake and his bad mood and mental health, of course Lottie was very concerned about it. She would never let him to go anywhere alone, which he understood. Her company was making him happier than he could ever imagine.
At boys’ house Lottie helped Jake to unpack his bags, and after it, when he was in the bathroom doing bathroom toilettes, she began preparing a meal, light enough for his damaged stomach.
“I’m back.” Jake came to the spacious kitchen. “What are you doing?”
“You have to eat something, so I’m preparing a very light meal for you.”
“I told you already, I don’t want to eat.”
“But you have to.”
“No, Lottie.”
“Yes, Jake, you’re too skinny, I can see your ribs and hips, and to be honest, your condition scared me.” she responded with a very harsh tone of voice. “If you won’t eat, then I’m fucking out, because I really can’t stand your talking about not being hungry, even if I fucking can hear your stomach, the fuck are you thinking about?! Do you seriously want everyone to be worried about you and your shitty condition?! What dream are you living in?! I’m fucking out if you won’t touch this meal. Not everything is about you! I’m trying to make you feel better and you still can’t look at the fucking food. I cared about you, I stayed up all night with you, just because you wanted to talk about some stupid things that don’t even matter to me even though I all I wanted to do was going to sleep. I paid you all my fucking attention, just because you can’t notice that you’re important to me. And still, you keep acting like a whole dick and can’t understand that we’re also scared. They won’t tell you that, they don’t want you to know that they’re scared to a fucking death of losing you.”
Jake looked down on his bare feet, as his hands were playing with each other. He knew Lottie was right, but could not admit it. His eyes teared up.  
“I’m tired of your shit. Keep doing that and you’ll going to end up dead in the fucking bath.” she added and left the kitchen.
Jake was guilty. He felt like this, but he would never use his friends or brothers to feel sorry for him. It was the right time to rebuild his mental health, and health in general.
The boy sat down on the chair, thinking about his best friend’s words. And now, because of him she was gone. Of course, not out of his life, although he had that feeling.
Lottie sat on the cold floor in the bathroom and hid her face in her hands. He overreacted, and accidentally hurt one of the most important people in her life, but she was right.
Twenty minutes later she came downstairs to the kitchen, noticed Jake sitting on one of the chairs in the dining room.
“Can we talk?” she asked, coming up to him.
“I think you’ve done it for both of us...”
“Jake, no, you know that I’m never tired of you.”
“Actually... I know, you’ve said enough. There’s nothing we can talk about.”
“There is. Well, firstly, you deserve an apology. I shouldn’t have said those words, I didn’t mean it.”
“I know you, Lottie, I’ve known you for a solid part of my life. Now just... leave me alone.”
“Jake...”
“I said something. I don’t want to talk to you for now.”
Jake got up and went upstairs straight to his bedroom, laid on the bed and covered his whole body with a blanket, which smelled like Lottie, what caused him to think about her. He took an album full of their pictures, some of them were took surprisingly out of nowhere when none of them expected it, some were like those amazing photoshoots for Calvin Klein. He felt that little spark called happiness inside his broken heart, and he smiled. That was a beautiful moment.
“Jake?” Lottie stood in the doorpost, watching his behaviour.
“What do you want this time? Yell at me? Well, do it.” he responded sarcastically, and she rolled her eyes.  
“I don’t want to yell at you, not again, you didn’t deserve it.”
“Nevermind. What do you want?”
“I just wanted to check on you.”
“I’m still, somehow, alive.”
“You know I didn’t mean this.” she sat next to him on his bed. “Why are you looking at our old pictures?” she took a peek at one of the mentioned pictures. In this one was her and Jake in the middle of the woods, taken probably in their high school. “I remember this.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, you were fifteen then.” she laughed.
“So were you, honey.”
“I know, I’m not that old.”
“I missed this.” he claimed after few seconds of silence between them.
“What? The laugh?”
“Yes, I missed your laugh.”
“That’s so cute.”
“I know.” he laughed again.
Jake pushed her closer to him, and she wrapped her arms around Jake’s waist and lied her head on his chest.
“Do you have more albums of us?”
“I have some pictures of us with Ariana, Sam, Josh and Danny.”
“Aww that’s sweet.”
She looked at Jake’s bright eyes. The sparks were dancing in their eyes, while looking at each other. He kept her close to him, and she did not take her arms. Jake placed his hand on her cheek, and kissed her very gently. Lottie kissed him back. They opened their eyes in order to look at each other, once again. Bright smiles were true ones, without faking any second of this delicate moment. Jake wished this moment could last forever.
“You’re sweet.” Jake whispered against her face.
“Aww, no, you’re sweeter.”
“No.”
“You’re sweet when you’re trying to deny some facts.”
“Okay, let’s be it.” Jake smiled.
“Can we talk?”
“We’re talking now.”
“Yeah, I know, but seriously... Like... Serious talk?”
“Okay.”
“Are you making yourself starve?”
Jake’s eyes became more serious than barely seconds before, and darkened.
“Wha- What do you mean?”
“Well, at the hotel, two days ago, I was thinking about it, and I connected the facts in my mind. You’re very skinny, I can see and feel your ribs and hips, literally a lot of your bones, and you don’t want to eat anything, despite the fact that I can hear your stomach, but also, you’re weak and boys told me that you keep passing out after a lot of psychical effort, including playing on the stage and that sometimes you have to hold on to something in order not to fall down on the floor.”
“Oh.” he did not have enough bravery inside to admit that Lottie was right. Lowkey he hoped she will not notice his uncertainty. However, he did not want to disappoint her.
He looked down on his hands wrapped around Lottie’s waist, hugging her, but his mind and thoughts were somewhere far away than Los Angeles. On the other hand, she was staring at his scared eyes. In that moment she found out the truth and answers to her questions she had been asking long, long before.
“Uhm... I- Well...” he started slowly, as he could not find the proper words to say something, and his eyes were showing the lost.
“You don’t have to answer to my question if you don’t want to.” Lottie placed her hand on his left cheek, what caused Jake to look at her. “I can see that you feel lost.”
“I just... I had some problems.”
“That’s alright. I won’t push you to your limits. I know that damaged people need some time to admit that there’s something wrong with themselves. You need time, I see.”
“No, Lottie. I need you, you know? It’s always been you.” he said on one breath. “It’s always been you.” the boy repeated his own words. “I just- Well, I- It all is connected to you.”
“What? Why?”
“Remember that one day in our high school when we went to San Francisco instead of going to our classes?” Lottie nodded gently, still looking at the boy, who kept talking. “Then we almost kissed on that bridge. I didn’t forget. Then I knew... I fucking knew that I- I actually loved you.” a single tear ran down Jake’s pale cheek only to be wiped by the girl, who was listening very carefully.
Lottie opened her eyes wide, not being able to say anything. That was too much for her to take at once. It was not only the fact that he admitted to having eating disorders, being depressed, but also that he loved her. The girl who was always independent, cared only about herself, excluding important people in her life, but still, she would not find this secret out if she were not sitting right here on the bed with the right person after talking to other people, even if it was on the phone or texts. Her face was showing surprise, a big one. That confession was not exactly the one she has ever expected.
“You... Jake...” Lottie whispered, trying to find right words to say.
“I love you, Lottie.”
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2nd part to my Marvels Beast and Reader (light NFSW)
You could hear Jacks laughter even after you had shut the door to your office.
Ugh. It was now or never, you really hated this. A part of you wanted to email and ask him, but you knew that utlimetliy that was not the best thing to do. No, you know that it was best that you actually call him and ask him. So you reached for your phone and hit the dial button before you could change your mind. After the fourth ring Hank had picked up the phone.
"Dr. Hank McCoy speaking"
"Hey Hank it is Y/N"
"Y/N. What can I do for you?"
Hank sounded shock that you had called him and made it that much harder to make this call.
"Well I have been thinking and after some thought I figured that it would be better to call you instead of sending a email or text."
as you were talking you could feel that Hank was becoming extremely nerves. And figured it was better to just come out and say what you had to. You hated that you were making him feel this in the first place.
"Ok, So I am going to come out and say what I need to. Cause right now I can feel your emotions and I dont like what I am making you feel. But in all honesty that is what I am calling you about. I as I have told you, I have been able to block your emotions now, but sometimes some Emotions come through and mainly the one that comes through the most is your arousal. Now I understand that this is not nothing you can control. If you were able to you would not be at the cabin in the first case. I remember you telling me when were first started talking that you had no control over when it hits.
Now something about me you will learn is I am always over thinking and now I cant help but wonder what we... what you would want to do if it happened?"
Hank didnt know what to think or say. For once he was at a loss for words. She wasnt lying and he felt ashamed. Because he truly didnt know what to do if that was to happen.
"Well truthfully I have no idea what to do. You are correct in that it is something that happens out of nowhere. So maybe it would be best if we not keep with our plans. I do not want to make you uncomfortabled."
"And thats the thing. I have no issue if it happens, because I know that A) you cant control it and B) you would never actually harm me. And the only reason I even bring it up is because I didnt want it to happen and that in turn cause you to set back on the improvements you are making. I may have an idea, but I have never actually done it to someone other then myself. So I am unsure if it will work. I may be able to block that that emotion for the day, but if it works there is a down side. Once I am away from you, all that emotions will come out."
"I guess we could give it a shot. If you are willing."
"Ok then. Lets give this a shot then. So is noon still a good time?"
"Noon would be prefect."
"Sounds good. I will see you then Hank. Goodbye"
"Goodbye Y/N"
Come Saturday you had found yourself pulling into the driveway of the cabin. And as you put the car in park you noticed for the first time that Hank was sitting on the porch. Even though you had an idea of what his appearance looked like you were not expecting him to be so tall, or have such wide shoulders. Once he had noticed that you were there he had stood up and was leaning on one of the porches posts. Getting out of the car he made his way down to you, reaching to shake his hand you were already working on the walls that you were going to place up for him.
"Hank, it is finally nice to have a face to go with the voice. It is a pleasure to finally meet you."
once your hand was in his you were hit with an Arousaling feeling. But to you udder shock, it was actually your arousal you were feeling. As you tried to calm your breathing you had hoped that he didnt feel any of it. By the time you had let go of his hand you had placed the walls up for him and had managed to get your own feelings back to were they needed to be.
Hank was shocked and in complete aw. You were good he thought. Once you had gotten out of the car it hadnt taken him long to feel those damn feelings start to rise. What had scared him even more was the fact that those feelings werent just because you were the first person he has seen in a few days, but also because the minute he had saw you he felt drawn to you. He could feel himself getting worked up and was dreading placing his hand in yours. But the minute your hands had touch all those feelings had stopped. Oh, he could feel them fighting, it felt like his body was wanting to feel them, but that his mind wasnt letting the rest of him. What even made it better was the fact that you hadnt made a big deal about the walls you had placed up. You had just did it.
"Y/N, the same could be said about you.
Well I put the roast on about an hour ago. It will probably take about 4 hours to cook. So why dont I get the stuff out of the car and while I put those away why dont you go ahead and head out the the falls."
"Are you sure you wouldnt want me to help you take care of the stuff first?"
"Oh no. As you could tell when you picked them up, there isnt that much stuff. It shouldnt take me long at all to get them put away."
"Are you truly sure?"
"Abosulty"
"Well ok. If you dont mind while you start getting the stuff I am going to use the restroom and put on my suit. Then I will head out."
"You dont need to ask to use anything in this house. It is more your house then it is mine."
After popping the trunk for Hank you had reached into the back of your car to grab your things. And headed into the house. Walking into the house it felt like coming home after a long trip. Without wasting anymore time you walked into the bathroom and did what you needed to do. Hank had been right. You were itching to get to the falls. After you were done you walked back outside. Hank had been grabbing the last of his stuff when you walked up to him.
Hank was going to lose it. And he was praying to anyone and anything thanking them for the block you had placed in his head. As much as he was glad that you were wearing a one piece suit, a big part of him had been hoping for a two piece. Because he was dying to see the rest of your tattoo. All he could see was what was on your leg and back, but it looked like it had been one whole piece. As you had gotten closer he could not help himself from saying.
"Let me guess, the emotion that you had block from your mind was pain?"
you couldnt help that you were starting to blush. laughing you had answered him
"And you would be correct. The first few settings I didnt block the pain. But when I learned that it was going to take atleast 5 or more settings I started to block the pain so that we were able to get more done then what it normally took."
"I must say that it is beautifully done. I have never seen a dragon tattoo that big before."
"Well Thank you. pretty much take up my leg, hip, and lower back. It starts at my ankle and winds itself on my hip to my lower back."
"You must tell who ever did it that it is beautifully done. The shading is so well blended and from what I can see the lines are straight."
"Do you like tattoos Hank?"
"I like art. And in my eyes tattoos are art. So yes I guess you can say that I like tattoos"
"Good to know. Alot of times people are ok with tattoos on a smaller scale. But when they see the size of mine they become a bit stand offish. But anyways I will let you get back to what you were doing and I will see you at the falls when you are done."
Hank watched as you walked away until he couldnt see you anymore. He couldnt understand how someone he just met could get to him that quick. It had to be the effects of the drugs. After getting everything taken care off Hank changed into a pair of basketball shorts and headed to the falls. Just as he past the clearing and the falls came into few he watched as you drove into the water, barely making a splash as you landed. By the time he had made it to the waters edge you were coming up for air. He watched as you swam towards him. Once you were able to touch the bottom you stood and started to walk to him. All of Hanks breath left his body and he was struck with how beautiful you truly were.
"I thought that you said it was unsafe to jump from the falls?"
Smirking you answered, "No, what I said was, if you didnt know what you were doing it could be dangerous. and it so happens I know what I am doing. So admit it Hank, the first thing you did after finding the falls was jump from the top of it."
"I can neither denie or admit I did such a thing."
Laughing you grabbed Hank's hand and started to lead him to the top of the falls. For the next hour or so you both did nothing but jump from the top. The more you guys jumped off the more Hank started to relax, he tried to teach you flips off the edge, but that wasnt happening. Eventually it was time to head back to the cottage. Once back at the cottage you headed to the bathroom to take a shower while Hank finished up the food. Once you were done with your shower you and Hank switched spots. He went to take his shower while you set the table. Once showers where done and the table was set you both sat down to eat. After a few minutes of silence you began to speak.
"Hank, this roast is really good."
"Thank you Y/N. Living with a house full of children and just a handful of adults you learn to very quickly how to make food."
"How is that? living in a huge house full of children?"
Hank chuckled, "It has it moments, that for sure. For the most part the children are great. Most times then most they come in broken, mentally or physically. They dont trust and so not only must you try to teach these kids how to control their powers, you have to educated them, AND try to show them that there are people that care for them, for who they are. And that not everyone will run for the hills when they learn that they have powers. Then lets not forget the ones that look different in appearance. But in the end, when we watch those same children who were scared and thought something was wrong with them walk across the stage as they graduate and/or start a family. It makes the work that much greater. I kick myself for leaving to work with the government. I thought I was doing good for all mutants. But it was nothing compared to what I did/do at the school."
"I understand that completely. I see it everyday working for Jack. They come in and are broken. Half the time they are in such disppear and ready to give up. But Jack is able to find just the smallest light they may have and make it into the brightest lighthouse for them. And after 4 or 5 sessions they are in a better place. It is such an amazing thing to see the difference people can make in others when they try."
Hank hated the look you had on your face. The way that you talked about the good doctor made his blood boil. Which bothered him because regardless of what your relationship was to the doctor was no way his bussiness. But he had to know, and he hoped that it wouldnt make the night short.
"Exactly. Now I have a couple of questions and please, if you dont want to answer you are not forced to. But are you and Dr. Roberts in a relationship? Again please forgive me, but I have noticed things around this cottage that make it seem like that."
There it was you thought. It never fails, almost everyone asked that question and normally you would be frustrated about it. Most of the time they only wanted to know so that they could gossip to others about it. But you didnt have to feel Hanks emotions to know that he truly was imbarassed to ask you about it. So answering this time it didnt truly bother you answering it.
"Normally I would tell people to mind there on bussiness when it comes to me and Jack. But you have honestly seen more into our relationship then others. Jack and I are not in a relationship, he is not my father or my grandfather. Xavier helped my mother get a job with Jack years ago. It was meant to be a short term arrangement, but she ended up staying. No, the relationship with Jack happened out of guilt. Regardless of how many times my mother told him that he had no reason to feel guilty he did. See, Jacks pratices had been open for a few years and it had started to take off. More and more people from out of state were coming to see him. Well, one family had came to see him because there son was showing signs of behavioral problems. Long story short, the father of this boy made my mom feel special. And acted like he was going to stay in this small town with her after his sons treatment was done. But in the end he left with his family, but left a little piece of himself behind. My mother knew then and there that she wasnt going to get rid of me. When Jack found out about it he was beyond upset. Not at my mother mind you, but because of the father. Because during the sessions he had learned that the boy was acting out because he had seen his father with the babysitter multi times. Jack informed the boys mother, but she choose to ignore what the father was doing and ended up pulling the boy from Jacks care. So Jack felt guilty cause he knew what the father was like but he never caught on to what was going on with my mother. He felt as if the father should be held accountable for his actions and was set to get a laywer involved. But my mother told him not to do anything. That there were moments when they were together that she felt he wasnt telling her the truth. But that she choose to ignore those thoughts and continue with what she was doing. That this was her reprocutions to her actions and that she will do it on her own. Plus she felt that if people learned that Jacks office manager had, had an affair with not only a married man, but also a parent to a patient it would kill Jacks reputation. Jack didnt like it, but he respected her wishes. But he made it clear that he was going to help my mother through it all. That she wasnt going to do it on her own, so when she really needed the help he was there to help her. I spent so many hours in the office with Jack that we became close. I would be calling him grandpa, but my mother wouldnt let me. She didnt feel that it was right. This cottage was actually built after I was born. It is in Jacks name, but he mainly built it for my mother and me. Because my mother refused Jacks money and therefore wouldnt take money to go on a vacation, he built it for us to get away to when we wanted to. When we learned that my abilities were much stronger then my mothers I was brought out every day to work Xavier while he stayed here. Thats when we also found the waterfall. So naturally after that I found myself coming here more then ever. Jack doesnt come out here because in his eyes it is my place and not his. But he still lets others use it."
By the time you were done telling Hank your story you both had been done eating and found you both outside while finishing off your glasses of wine. You found that you didnt mind Hank knowing your story. That for once it felt good having someone know the truth.
While you had told your story, Hank couldnt help but feel great admiration for this Dr. Roberts, and he know knew why the professor were good friends. And as much as he hated to admit it, it felt great knowing that yours and the doctors relationship was everything but sexual.
"I must admit that I may have thought ill of Dr. Roberts at first. With how angry I was when I first got here, I truly thought that this was his little love shack or something. The fact that there was more femine things here made me think that this was were he met up with his lover or something. So when he had called to talk to me I was extremely short with him and told him I wanted nothing to do with him and that he needed to leave me alone. What he must think of me."
"He thinks that you are someone who is having issues getting out of your head, because your body was turned against you. That if you just needed a place to collect your thoughts then thats what he would give you. But if you decided that you needed someone to talk to, he would be there. The only reason he hasnt contacted you after that first phone call was because I had told him that I had contacted you. But I know that if you ever changed your mind. He would also welcome talking."
Before you could say more you ended up yawning. Looking at the time you noticed that it was close to 8 at night and you were excused. Between the swimming, the big dinner, and holding the wall in place for Hank it was all taking its toll on you. Hank wanted you to stay and talk more to him. For the first time in a very long time he felt like himself. But he knew that it would be wrong of him to keep you longer when you looked like you were ready to crash. So standing up he reached for the wine glasses and followed you back inside the cottage. Once back in the kitchen he set the glasses down leaning against the counter he folded his arms and looked at you.
Your heart skipped a beat. Looking at Hank the attraction you felt earlier in the day was back, but was stronger after you had spent the day with him. He was truly a gentleman and the conversasions you had with him were actually interesting. But there was something that pulled you to him and you didnt want it to end. But you also knew if you stayed you would end up with a headache from the mental strain you had going on. Walking up to Hank you placed your hands on his arms and looked into his eyes.
"Well Hank. I truly had fun this evening. No one knows of the falls and having some one to swim with was a nice change and the food was a great bonus. Truthfully though, the best thing would be the conversasion. Would you like me to help you clean up the kitchen before I go?"
"No no thats quite ok. It isnt going to take long to clean up. I can see that you are tired and I would feel better knowing that you were driving home while you still had some energy left."
"Are you sure Hank?" Even though you knew what he was saying was the truth, you truly didnt want to leave.
"Yes I am sure. Allow me to grab your bag and I will walk you out."
Before you could say no Hank had walked past you and grabbed your bag from the floor. Opening the door he waited for you to walk past him. Once you reached your car, Hank had placed your bag in the back and had your door open for you. Shutting the door after you had gotten in. You rolled down the window and looked at Hank as he stood there.
"Truthfully Hank. Today was really nice and I hope that we can do it again real soon. Maybe next time I will be able to cook for you"
"I would love nothing more then that. Text or call me when you get home so that I know that you made it and we can work out something then."
"Sounds like a plan. Enjoy the rest of your night Hank"
"You to Y/N drive safe."
As much as you hadn't wanted to leave, you were glad when you had. By the time you had gotten home you had a headache, forgetting that you had told Hank that you would let him know when you got home; you made your way to the bathroom with the intent of taking a hot bath. After 15 minutes of soaking in the tub your headache wasnt going away. It was then you realized that you still had that wall in place. So taking a deep breath you closed your eyes and imagined knocking a wall out. Once the wall was down you insteatly started to feel better. About that time your phone started to ring, not looking at who it was you answered your phone.
"Hello"
"Y/N?" you realized then that it was Hank but something sounded off. Insteantly you shoot up in the tub. Water splashing everywhere.
"Hank? whats wrong? you sound like you are in pain"
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