#maybe my sanity was the friends we made along the way

[mariacecil]

Me telling myself that I should stop shipping two characters together that are literally made to be shipped but instead I should respect that both characters have their own canonical love lives and I should not just disregard it but support it especially when one character from that ship is canonically gay with a canonical partner that is also gay

Also me:

[anasanthology]

Always Close Your Tabs.

WARNINGS: NSFW 18+ MDNI (I don’t care who reads just if your account age is set to under 18 don’t interact please), step-cest, pseudo-incest, stepbrother/stepsister pairing, degradation kink, light face slapping, very light praise kink, Dom/Sub, lowkey Hard Dom!Leon Kennedy, face fucking, oral (m receiving), mean Leon (I feel he’s a little ooc), like one mention of breeding kink, we got a little sweet aftercare at the end, not as tame as other stuff I’ve written, fem-specific gendered terms. Not proofread.

Notes: FIRST LEON FIC I’M POSTING 😚 actually feeling kinda good about this one! I felt like finishing this and posting it today so here so go!!! I hope you like it ☺️ as always, likes and—especially—comments are very VERY much appreciated 😌 if you have any tags you think I should add just tell me cause I’m not sure if I missed any 🧐 ANYWAYS, enjoy, lovelies 💕

4.5k words | Leon Kennedy x AFAB!Reader

The couch was irritating you, you were hyper aware of it, the texture, the firmness, everything about it. It didn’t matter where you sat though, everywhere was irritating. Everything was irritating. Your parents were out of town on some dumb anniversary. No. Your parent and her husband. Leaving you home alone with your stepbrother.

 Leon. 

He was annoying. He was rude, crass, and bitchy. When your mom had told you she was seeing a guy you were happy for her, until she told you that he had a son a few months older than you. Other kids was the one dealbreaker for you, but your mom loved this man so much and you didn’t exactly have much time left to live with her. You could deal with it. So you met Leon, he didn’t talk the entire dinner but to introduce himself and then order something. This was 8 months ago.

Now you live with him.

You were sure that there were worse people to live with, like… Bundy or Dahmer maybe. He always had those loudmouth friends of his over. Chris, who would spend the whole time yelling at the tv and Luis, who would just flirt with you the whole time. The worst of it was that they would only hang out in the living room so you were always confined to your room till they left. That was unless you wanted to hear, ‘ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! THAT DIDN’T EVEN TOUCH ME,’ and, ‘Hola, señorita, ¿Qué pasa? You look gorgeous,’ which… you didn’t wanna hear that. Not to even mention how insufferable he was when they weren’t around. Which was the situation now. Sitting on the couch next to you was Leon Kennedy, staring up at the tv watching Desperate Housewives. He had this constant resting dick face that never seemed to go away, and along with that he also seemed to be followed by resting dick air everywhere he went. Especially now that his dad took away his phone and other electronics before your guys’ parents left for their trip. Because apparently that man cared jack shit for your sanity. Now, Leon was irritated. He was insufferable when he was irritated. It just radiated off of him and you were a porous permeable surface. You guys sat like that until…

“Can I use your laptop?”

“What?” You turned to him, his words bringing you out of your thoughts.

“Can I use your laptop?” He repeated himself.

“Uh… sure, I guess?” Shrugging you got off the couch before stopping in your tracks and pointing at him, “but I get to use your car!” Your eyes widen with excitement and you point at him.

“No, no way. You are not driving my car. Not gonna happen.” He huffed in amusement and shook his head.

“And why not?” Your hands went to your hips and you made a face.

“Because,” he mocks your tone, “you’ll crash it.”

“Says you! Leon, you are like the king of bad driving. You hit a tree last month! A tree! They don’t even move and they’ve been there for like years!” Your hands were flying everywhere at this point. You had your license, but since Leon was a little older and got his a little before you he got a car. And since he got a car—and only Jeff Bezos could comfortably pay for his car insurance—you didn’t get one, you had to share with your mom and stepdad. But since they were halfway across the country, you were stuck here.

“It was in my blind spot!”

“What about that mailbox last week? Or Ms. Anderson’s side mirror? Everything can’t be in your blind spot, Leon. That’s what windows are for.” you close your eyes and sigh, “you know what, I don’t care. Bottom line is, if you don’t let me drive your car, no laptop.” You knew you were reaching, but you didn’t care. It’s not like you lost anything if he said no. It wasn’t fair he got the car anyways, your mom promised you a year ago on your birthday that when you got your license she’d take you to a used car dealership and you could pick one. But apparently ‘situations change’ and ‘things don’t always go as planned’, so you were left having to explain to your friends that it actually wasn’t gonna happen. Leon could practically burn holes through your face with the way he was looking at you, honestly that’s probably what he was thinking about. He sighs and closes his eyes.

“Fine.” He opens his eyes and gives you just about the brattiest look imaginable. You just smile and giggle. Your eyes widened in surprise. You were not expecting him to actually say yes.

“Okay!” You practically sprint upstairs to your room, grabbing your laptop off the bed. You make your way back downstairs and bring it to him. “Here ya go!”

“Thanks.” He takes it with a scowl and gets up.

“Whaddya need it for anyways?”

“Because I wanna watch stuff.” He responds flatly.

“What kinds of stuff?” ‘Porn?’ Was your first thought, but you opted not to verbalize that. 

“Stuff you can’t watch on the tv?”

“Yes.”

“Why not?” You blinked at him.

“Because you’re watching the tv in here, dingus.” He didn’t look guilty. You know, like you would if you were gonna use your stepsister’s laptop to watch porn off of. He just looks annoyed. “Can I go watch some shit now or you gonna keep interrogating me, detective?”

“Jeez, moody. Sure, go.” You shoo him and turn back to the tv as you sit on the couch. He walks away to his room and you lay back covering your face with your arm. It felt like a weight had been lifted, the tension gone immediately. Part of you wanted to say it was just because he made the air so thick with irritation he could suffocate a room, but you knew that wasn’t completely true…

Leon was hot, like crazy hot.

It was frustrating being around that all day and night. Eating dinner across from an actual model… not easy. It was especially not easy when that model was a sarcastic asshole, and it was especially especially not easy when you kinda liked it. Yes every comment pissed you off, made you want to scream sometimes, punch a hole in the wall. but it also had you wondering… ‘would he… I mean in bed did he…’ god you hoped so. ‘Ew, no you didn’t.’ It was dumb—and entirely inappropriate—but that’s all you could think about when he was around. At some point all the irritation and hatred you had for him just living here, turned into… something you shouldn’t think about.

But who cares.

You didn’t have time to think about that. You had much more pressing matters to attend to, like… desperate housewives. You sit up and lay your body on top of your legs like you were folding yourself in half. You looked up at the screen and flipped onto your back kicking your legs over the back of the couch. It was like you just couldn’t get comfortable no matter what. 

“Mmmmmuuhhhhhh.” Sighing you sat back up like normal, pulling the blanket off the back of the couch and onto your tired form. And then it hit you.

The computer.

‘Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.’ Standing up abruptly you started making your way to Leon’s room, practically running up the stairs.

You were tired last night. Really, really tired.

So maybe, just maybe, you forgot to close out of a tab last night. Or maybe a couple. Besides it is your computer, why do you need to close out of anything? You don’t, or at least you don’t when your step brother isn’t using your computer.

“Leon, I need my computer.” You knocked at his door and turned the knob quickly. Locked, of fucking course. “Leon?” Bouncing around a little on the balls of your feet, impatiently you step back from the door and shake the tension out of your hands. ‘Maybe he didn’t see it. Maybe he… didn’t even get on the computer yet. “Leon, I don’t… I don’t need your car. It’s fine, I asked Claire and she said she’d drive me this week.” His door opens like that’s exactly what he was waiting to hear.

“Okay, fine. Take it.” He steps away from the door and you walk inside, looking back at him you take extra attention to his expression. He definitely knows. You just turn back unable to think about that for too much longer, your face burning with heat as you pick up your laptop off of his bed. You feel a pair of hands snake around your waist and you tense up. “But first, I have to know why my slutty little sister thought it was a good idea to give me her laptop with porn open.” It was like your brain took a screenshot. ‘Did he just…’

“I don’t… Leon, I’m sorry. I didn’t-I forgot.”

“Oh you’re such a liar.” You could hear the smirk in his voice. “No, I think you did it on purpose. You’re such a smart girl, I don’t believe you could be so stupid.” Your breath got heavier at his accusation.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I fell asleep ‘nd forgot it was on there.” He didn’t respond but his hands started running up and down your sides. “Leon, stop teasing me.” Your voice came out just a whiny whisper, sounding a lot more needy rather than urgent like you meant it.

“You know, I wouldn’t have guessed you’d be into that sort of stuff. Always get so nervous when Luis flirts with you, always get so flustered when people touch each other in a movie.” He was ignoring your request completely. “But it makes sense now, you get all shy cause you like it.” Your eyes widen and you squirm in his arms, not exactly trying to get away. Not really trying to get away at all actually. “Wonder how many times I’ve been sitting with you on the couch while your cunt gets all wet. So shameless, darling.” Your body is frozen in embarrassment, it’s kinda hot. ‘God. Don’t think like that Jesus.’

“No, never,” Liar. “Leon, I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Yet you aren’t trying to stop me, are you?” His voice is so completely self assured and cocky. Asshole. It made you so wet. You aren’t trying to stop him. You don’t want him to stop, even though you should. He pulls his hands back a little for you, so that if you want to get out you can. Without as much internal protest as you’d hoped, you stay completely still. “See, I was right. You are just a little slut who wants to get touched by her stepbrother.” You visibly cringe at that but feel slick spill into your panties at his words.

“Stop.”

“Stop what?” His hands go back around you, pulling you close to him. You could feel the outline of his hardened cock against you.

“Stop… being weird.” You shifted around in his arms.

“How am I being weird?” He snickered.

“Because you’re… stop saying it like that?” Your face was burning at this point. He was pushing up against you, pressing your hips against the edge of his bed.

“Saying it like what? Isn’t that exactly what’s going on? A dumb whore getting wet for her brother?”

“Leon.” His hand dipped down the front of your pants, running his finger down your clothed slit.

“Oh but why? It feels like you like it when I talk to you like that. I mean… given the videos you were watching, I bet you like it.” You pushed up against him. You just want him closer, it doesn’t matter if it’s wrong. He knew what he was doing, making you feel small, degrading you. “You do like it, fuck.” He started grinding himself against your back. You did like it, you wanted him to keep going, keep making you feel small.

“No it… Leon, it’s weird.”

“I know it is, but you like it. You like how depraved it makes you feel. You can’t deny it, I quite literally have seen the stuff you watch to get off.” He was laughing a little, it only amplified how hot and humiliating this was. “Can’t say I haven’t thought about it. Everytime you’d roll your eyes when I’d tease you all I could think about was taking it further, pinning you against the counter or the couch and just telling you anything I could think of.”

“Thought you said you didn’t think I’d be into this?”

“You can be into anything I want you to in my fantasies.” His other hand snakes up to start running his thumb up and down the column of your throat. This really should not have such an effect on you, but it does. Your eyes flutter and you let out a soft needy breath as you lay your head back against him. “Oh you like that? You like that I just imagine you in any position I want?” You nod your head reluctantly. Your lips open and close but no sound comes out. He’s barely even touched you but it feels like your tongue is twisted up in your mouth. You can feel your resolve just slipping away the more he speaks to you, the more he touches you.

“Leon, this is… this is so wrong…” your voice comes out so quiet you aren’t sure he could hear you. Or maybe it’s just because the blood pounding in your ears is so loud that you can barely hear yourself.

“But you like that don’t you? Yeah, I know you do.” His finger travels further up to slide across your bottom lip. Involuntarily—you tell yourself—your lips part slightly. He just laughs softly behind you, the smirk that was undoubtedly plastered on his face was audible. “Does this slutty girl want something in her mouth? There you go…” he slides his finger past your lips and onto your tongue. His thumb starts pushing slow thrusts against your tongue. Your hands go to hold onto his forearm feebly, not trying to move or stop him but just needing something to hold onto. “Yeah? You like it when I finger your pretty little mouth?” You just whine and start sucking around his thumb. “Fuck, bet you’d do so good on my cock.” You turned around to face him.

It was stupid, and you don’t know why you did it… yes you do, liar.

“What?” He grinned down at you. Now being able to see your lips around his thumb he couldn’t get enough of it. You knew you were turned on but holy shit you weren’t expecting him to look like… that. His mouth was slightly parted and his eyes were lidded. A light blush dusts his cheeks. God he looked good. You imagined you probably looked something similar, probably worse. “I asked you a question.” He pulls his thumb from your mouth and slides it down your chin and across your neck. ‘Oh, right.’

“I um… can I?” You swallowed heavily, barely able to focus on your words with his fingers rubbing at your soft skin.

“‘Can you’ what?” He just laughs, he can tell you’re struggling. Your face heats up with embarrassment realizing just how fuck-drunk you already are. And then he just gets the cockiest look on his face. “Oh, you wanna suck my cock? That what this is?” You just nod weakly, you couldn’t deny it if you tried. “Hmm? I can’t hear you, what do you want?”

“I wanna…” you swallow thickly, “I wanna suck your cock, please.” You chewed on the inside of your lip and just looked at him. He felt like he could just about cum from how needy your voice sounded when you said ‘please’.

“Fuck,” his hand slide up your neck and went to the back of your head. “I know you do. Now get on your knees.” His hand tangled in your hair right up against your scalp and he tightened his grip a little, pulling your head back ever so slightly in the process. The way he was talking to you, how he was treating you, all like you were just some object for his pleasure… fuck, it made you wet. If this situation could possibly get any worse from you guys just doing anything at all in the first place, getting turned on from your stepbrother degrading and objectifying you would definitely make it worse. You moaned softly when he pulled your hair as you started to kneel down in front of him slowly, struggling to resist the urge of responding ‘yes, sir.’ When your knees were on the ground and you finally stopped shifting around to get as comfortable as possible you finally realized the position you were in.

You were on your knees in front of your stepbrother about to suck him off…

But at this point, all thought or consideration of morality and shame had long been lost on you. Instead the lewdness of the situation only fueled the fire and part of you was just getting off on how wrong this was. You felt filthy and all it did was make you want to continue. ‘Shit, what the hell is wrong with me?’, would be what you’d typically be thinking. And you were, just less in a self-deprecating way and more in a self-humiliation way. You bite your lip at the site in front of you, Leon’s clothed hard cock in his gray sweatpants. He had noticed how fixated you were and tilted his head at you with a smirk. 

“You want it?” You just stared up at him and moved your hands up to his thighs as you slid them up. “I asked you a question, answer me.” He pulled your hair a little harder this time and you moaned a little louder.

“Yes, wan’ it, Leon, please.” You were completely breathless. It had felt like your mind had turned to mush. You hadn’t even registered his question as a question when he asked, you just wanted to touch him.

“Yeah, I know.” He pushed your head forward till your cheek was pressed up against his cock. “Pretty little cockwhore just wants me inside her.” Your breath quickened when he started grinding up against your face. “Or she just wants to feel me however I please.” His voice was teasing now and he just ground down against you harder.

“However you please, just… Leon, need you.” You barely even sounded like yourself anymore. Normal you would have just pushed him away in the beginning as you made your second-hand embarrassment apparent. Normal you would have known that that was one of the easiest ways to mess with someone and would have totally used it. But here you were instead, a strong-willed smart girl who never pulled any punches now on her knees getting debased completely and absolutely loving it.

“Mmm, you’ll let me use you however I want? What if this is how I wanna do it? What if I just wanna take my cock out and rub it against your face till I cum all over you?” Even in this state you knew he was trying to trap you. He wanted to get you to disagree so he could hear you begging for whatever you really wanted. But you wouldn’t disagree, cause you don’t.

“Even then, just anything you want.” He grinned at your reply. He was tempted, he really was, but after wanting you for so long he wasn’t gonna waste this chance just to prove a point. ‘Next time.’ He pulls your head back just a little so he can see your face. Your lips are slightly parted and you just stare up at him with a grazed over expression.

“Take it out.” He says firmly and raises his eyebrows. You look down at his crotch and bring your hands up to take his dick out of his pants. You feel a sudden sting on your cheek as he slaps you across the face. “No, look at me.” He grabs your jaw and tilts your face up towards his. You make eye contact with him as you start undoing the string on his sweatpants. Part of you wants to look away just so that he’ll slap you again but you don’t. You start pulling his sweatpants and underwear down till his cock swings free. Your eyes dart down to his dick and are only able to just barely register what you’re seeing before he slaps you again just a little harder. “Did you not hear what I said to you? Look. At. Me.” You moan softly and shake your head.

“I heard you, ‘m sorry I was just curious.” You sound a little like you’re about to cry but you’re far from sad about all this.

“You’re curious?” He mocks your voice and pouts his lip before scoffing and leaning down ever so slightly. His thumb caressing your neck. “Don’t worry, once I fuck this little throat you’ll have every answer you could possibly ask for.” You shudder a little before just nodding your head and opening your mouth. You loll your tongue out and he grins. “Yeah, stay like that.” He slaps his heavy tip on your tongue and you can taste the bitterness of his pre-cum. “Open wider.” You obey him and open your mouth further. He leans forward and spits in your mouth. Your eyes flutter and you press your thighs together, which doesn’t go unnoticed. “You like that?” He laughs and rubs one of his fingers over your tongue. “You like it when I spit in your mouth? Fucking disgusting.” He grips his cock and guides it onto your tongue before pushing into your mouth. He groans and holds your head back against the side of his bed before he starts thrusting into your mouth. “Mmm, fuck. Such a good girl with a slutty little mouth. What would your friends say if they knew you’re getting face fucked by your stepbrother, and loving it so much you’re practically dripping onto the floor? What would your mom say?” You really didn’t wanna think about his second question.

“Mmm.” You just hum around his cock in response and he smirked. It’s not like you could actually respond. You kept your eyes on him, loving the way his jaw tightened when he hit the back of your throat. Or the way the muscles in his arms would twitch and flex under his tight shirt. He was right, you did love this and you could feel the discomfort of your sticky panties between your thighs, damp and uncomfortable. His hand went to the top of your head to grip your hair between his fingers and he started pushing in faster.

“Mmh, oh fuck… love sucking on your big brothers cock, yeah? Such a fucking cockwhore it doesn’t matter who it’s from.” He was thrusting at a fervent pace and it was evident he was just chasing his own high. Using your mouth as his personal fleshlight to fuck and fill. It was hot being treated like this, especially by Leon. He tightened his hold on your hair and pushed in a little too far which made you choke. It made slick pour into the gusset of your panties. Fuck, he was right. You’re a total slut. Your hands went up to hold onto his thighs for support as your eyes closed. Spit drooled down your chin and onto your chest, tears poured down your cheeks which Leon took pleasure in wiping away. “Maybe next time you’ll let me fuck that pretty pussy. Bet she’s just crying for me, you are.” ‘Next time?’ The thought made your skin burn with arousal. “Think you’re gonna let me fill up all your holes. Fuck. Yeah, I wanna see that. My obedient little stepsister leaking cum onto my bed, absolutely spent. Such a fucking whore you’d probably ask me to do it again. Fuck your little pussy till it’s sloppy and bred.” 

He wasn’t even looking at you. His head tilted back and his hips stuttered. You could tell he was getting close.

“I’m gonna cum down this slutty throat and you’re gonna swallow it all and thank me.” His face and neck were a little red and he had this sheen of sweat that the light from his lamp bounced off of. He looked like some kind of angel and if he wasn’t aggressively fucking your face you might’ve actually believed he was. “Fuck, oh take it.” He moaned and pushed his cock to the back of your throat. You could feel his hot cum paint stripes into your mouth. He rutted his tip right against the back of your throat while he moaned and mumbled. “Good girl, good girl. Take it, baby.” He pulled back out of your mouth and looked down at you while he stroked himself a few times to make sure he was done. A little bit of cum spilled from his tip and onto your thigh. You could finally swallow now that he was out of your mouth and god it felt good. You opened your mouth to show him that you really did it.

“Thank you.” You smiled up at him softly and he shuddered at your words. He looked away from you and cursed as his face got red. He was just talking earlier; he didn't think you’d actually do it.

“Quit it, you’re gonna make me hard again.” He seemed a little embarrassed. He moved your hair out of your face and went to the bathroom across the hall. You heard water running for a bit and then he came back and kneeled in front of you. He silently used a warm rag to wipe away the dried tears from your face and the little bit of cum that spilled onto your chin. “There you go.” 

“Thank you.” He wiped away the bit that was on your thigh and you guys just stared at each other for a second. It wasn’t really awkward but more like each of you had something to say that you just wouldn’t. 

He leaned forward and kissed you. It was soft and sweet and you had plenty of room to move away if you didn’t want it. There was such a contrast from what you were doing now and what you had been doing, hell, how he was acting with you now and how he had always acted with you; it felt like it was short circuiting your brain, but in a good way. He pulled back and set the rag on his bedside table before picking you up and setting you on his bed. He crawled in next to you and put his arms around you. It felt a little weird but in a nice comforting way. It was something you really needed. You almost forgot that you had been sucking him off—if you could even call it that—like two minutes ago. You really weren’t tired but you laid there with him for who knows how long. 

Maybe you really didn’t hate having a stepbrother.

[ilovebuckers5]

✧.*Not Friends pt 1*.✧

Paige Bueckers x reader

summary- Paige has a new secret admirer that she can't help but love.

word count- 2.2k

themes:

-drinking

-slight angst ig?

A/N- I'M SO EXCITED FOR THIS FIC BRO. i have really high hopes for this so I'm praying that people enjoy it. I'm gonna try and make a masterlist soon so that its easy to find the different parts to this but we'll see. (i did not spell check btw m lazy)

I usually wasn't head over heels easily but it was very hard to not fall in love with the girl everyone wanted. Especially when you see her at the same party everyone said she wouldn't be at.

It was a couple months after i transferred to UConn and i had already gotten super close with some the girls off of the volleyball team and this girl Nika, who was on the basketball team.

It was a late night after one of Nika's games and she invited me back to her place that she shared with her team. Of course I said yes i mean Nika was practically my best friend. But this was going to be the first time that i meet her entire team other than Azzi and Inês.

While Nika was introducing me to the girls on the team i couldn't help but stare at a certain blonde that was lurking in the corner. Nika held onto my wrist and led me to her.

"Paaigeee, this is the new transfer!" Nika introduced me to the now more noticeably tall blonde.

"Hey i'm Paige" her attention was now on me. The way she held eye contact almost made me fold right on the spot. Her eyes were making me come out so hard i didn't even notice that she was holding her hand out for me to shake.

That night, Nika was going out with everyone to celebrate theyre win and everyone was begging me to at least tag along. Before i could think of an answer i pulled nika to the side and yanked her closer to me.

"Nika i cannot go with tonight. I think i like paige" Nikas eyes widened at my confession. "I don't think i'll be able to go to any parties if she'll be there. you know what'll end up happening if i get drunk around someone i have feelings for"

Nika may not have known me for long but she knew me long enough for me to tell her about what happened with my ex boyfriend at my old college. For a quick summary, i got drunk at a party while i was with my current boyfriend and there was a girl that my eyes couldn't stop staring at. We danced, we made out blah blah blah one thing led to another. My boyfriend dumped me and may have told the college that i was drinking underage so i got kicked out! anyways fuck him i needed to stay away from Paige if she was in the same room as alcohol if i wanted to keep my sanity and reputation clean.

Every time the girls went out i would want to go with but of course i had to ask if Paige would be there. Yes maybe i was taking things a little far but i didn't want anything crazy to happen and ruin my chances with her.

I was resting on my bed when someone knocked on my door. It was a Monday night and i was alone in my dorm so i it would be absurd for someone to come over this late at night. I stood up and opened the door to see Azzi Fudd, Paige's best friend, standing in front of me.

"K I'm gonna make this really quick cause i have to go soon, but don't be mad at Nika or anything Ok?" Azzi said with an enormous about of speed in her words.

I nodded before she continued on.

"Nika told me about the whole situation with Paige and she really wants you to come to the party tonight and Paige wont be there so could you get ready and go with please?"

I was a bit caught off guard, not mad but shocked. It only took me a couple seconds to decide that i would go.

"Sure ill go." i say dragging out my words with annoyance. I shut the door and Azzi leaves. As soon as she left, I started picking out an outfit and putting on some light but noticeable makeup.

Once i was ready, my hair was thrown into a messy sort of no effort but with effort look. I tossed on my jordans along with a tank top and some baggy jeans before leaving my dorm and pulling out my phone for directions.

I unlocked my car and headed towards the address, which was thankfully only 6 minutes away. After i pulled into the driveway i called Nika to let her know that i was there. She quickly ran out of the party and ran up to me. Her arms wrapped around me, hugging me tightly. I laughed a bit at her, clearly tipsy, hug. Finally after she let go of me she grabbed me by the waist and dragged me in. The first thing i could notice were the flashing light and loud music that was playing.

A sick feeling grew upon my stomach seeing and hearing everyone be so comfortable. I knew that it would be hard to go to a party with this many people and this much energy after so long but not this hard. Nika tugged on my waist trying to bring some sense of comfort for me. I quickly forced a smile on my lips and took the drink that was being shoved in my face by Aaliyah. Instead of dancing with most of the girls i decided to sit down at the booth that Caroline and Ice were sitting at. Caroline's mouth shaped into a soft smile as she patted the leather next to her, gesturing for me to sit next to her and Ice. I quickly sat myself next to the girls and tried to start small talk.

I noticed them glancing at each other while the three of us talked. It felt sort of like they felt off about me. I clenched my palms together under the table and blinked for longer periods of time. A deep sigh escaped my lips as they're conversation trailed off onto they're own topic. I quickly took down my drink and set he cup down before leaving the booth to find Nika.

"Nika? Can i go home?" i tried talking to Nika but she was too out of it to even process tat i was next to her. I took a couple more panicked breaths and walked around for a little searching for some other girl to give me a ride until i felt a strong grip against my hips. I didn't even care who it was but i knew they were trying to get something out of me and they weren't getting that.

My hands quickly pushed the hands off of my hips before i turned around to find a random girl standing above me. I thought she looked familiar but i couldn't tell who she was.

"I missed you" she whispered to me, loud enough for me to hear but quiet enough to be hidden by the music.

what. the. fuck. who on earth is this girl? a confused expression was plastered on my face as i slowly backed away. still trying to forget about whatever that was, i made my way back over to Nika and continued to stay with her until i saw Caroline calling me back over to the booth.

"Hey, I got someone to come over and pick you up so don't worry about getting a ride from one of us. your gonna be fine Ok?" She could tell that i was stressed out. She helped me take a couple breaths before i even realized that she probably called someone that was a complete stranger to me. My breath began to pick up a bit more until she pointed to the door.

"Oh there she is." her hand was pointing to the direction of the same basketball player i did not want to be under the influence with. Paige Bueckers. My eyes widened at the sight of her tall figure. I tried to convince myself that Caroline was not pointing to the blonde that i was slowly falling in love with. I took a couple breaths and gave Caroline a quick 'thanks' glance and stood up. There were already a couple drinks in my system so i stumbled a bit walking over to Paige.

"You good there?" she held her arm out for me to grab onto. We walked back out to her car and she helped me in. i tried to stay quiet for the drive but i couldn't resist from making a little bit of conversation.

"so....why did Caroline call you to pick me up? we barely know each other" Paige kept her eyes on the road but it felt like everything was still.

"i don't know ask Caroline? i guess i was just the only person that wasn't drunk ya know?" she laughed a little then turns her head towards me for a second. I set down my purse on the floor of her car. I glance to the side and find a pair of lashes.

I made not have know Paige very well but i knew for a fact that she is not the girl to wear fake lashes. Which meant there was probably another girl in her car. It could've been recent or she could've just forgot about it before. Either way i started to think that i had a chance with her.

It was silent for a little bit until Paige turned on some music. It sounded like The Weeknd but i honestly couldn't tell the difference between the music and the conclusions i was jumping to in my head.

As the music filled up all the silence that was in the car i tried to distract myself by counting every time Abel said 'yeah' in one of his songs. Next thing i knew i was day dreaming about Paige while she was right next to me. The image of her making moves on me couldn't get out of my head. That's when i realized that we were finally at our destination. Except it wasn't the college campus. It was her apartment that she shared with the entire team. As far as i knew, the whole team was at the party so the entire apartment was empty until me and Paige walked in.

The entire place was pretty much clean except for a couple dishes and papers here and there. the only other time I've been in here was to meet the entire team and now here i was alone with the one girl i wanted to kiss since i met her. A couple chills ran down my spine as Paige tapped my back to get me to walk through the door. I guess i couldn't notice that i was just standing int he doorway staring at the living room.

The blonde put her keys on a little hook that was attached to the wall. I carried my purse around not knowing where to sit. I really thought i was being taken back to my own dorm. Guess not. Paige put a couple dishes in the sink to try and clean up a bit. As i stood there obliviously, she went down the hallway into her own room that im guessing she shared with Azzi.

"You coming?" paige called out from the hallway. I quickly rushed to her and went into her room. It was honestly messy but i kinda liked that she wasnt a clean freak. She sat down on her bed and kicked off her shoes. I couldnt help but stare at her features. Her blazing eyes. The way her nose hooked up. Her cheeks which were flushed with a light pink color, but i think thats because it was so hot in the car. And her lips were a brighter pink color. God how i wanted her lips against mine. It was hard to pull my eyes off her but when we looked at mine i quickly looked away.

Paige chuckled and leaned back on her bed. "come sit down" she motioned her hand next to her. I sat down on the empty space beside her. This was so awkward. I felt so out of place like Paige was forced to have me there. As i kept getting lost in my feelings i felt her hand push against my chest, dragging me to lay down in the same position as her. A gasp escaped my lips as she pushed me down but i kind of liked it. Now that we were right next to each other i felt a bit better and more comfortable.

There was only silence for a little while before Paige broke it. "do you like me?" It went silent again. I couldn't even process an answer let alone a reaction.

"what?no why would you think that?what?" i panicked and sat up quickly looking down at her. there was a smirk on her lips as she watched me panic. i guess i was making it obvious then.

Paige laughed a little and held onto my shoulder, pushing me down on the bed again. "its fine i swear. just try to keep this a secret k?" what did she mean by that?

I nodded and turned away to face the wall. "hey." Paige said softly. i turned back around to find her lips on mine.

[eyesxxyou]

❝ all mine ❞

｡ﾟ･ ¡ content. ex!hobie, you cheat on miguel, mentions of fighting, highkey toxic relationship, mentions of sex, hobie being a little shit trying to get you back. you made your decision, thought things were over between you and hobie brown for good. but was your decision really the right one?

wc: 3.3k

You shouldn't be here.

You know you shouldn't be here but you knew he loved this place in all its shitty, humid glory. You knew he'd be here. You couldn't help yourself. Something within the pit of your gut told you to get up and find your way here the moment you saw that post with a caption talking about him stopping by his old haunts before he left the country...leaving you and everything you both once held dear to find a new adventure. Something deep and carnal, something you thought had long died the moment you decided that he was becoming too much; too insatiable, too unpredictable. What you had once loved had become a burden you could no longer handle.

He texted you too. Just seconds after making the most.

'We should catch up.'

So why did you come here? Why did you seek him out?

Maybe you didn't. Maybe you simply wanted to take in this place one last time before he went, revive some long-buried memories you had stored away for your own sanity. Maybe you were seeking closure, the stitches to a wound left fresh and gaping so you could return to your adoring boyfriend at home with a heart that didn't belong to him. He'd play it off like he had it the whole time, place it under his pillow with another man's name carved into the flesh.

It hurt. The way Miguel gave you his all and you couldn't return such affections. He was everything you could ask for in a boyfriend. He was sweet, attentive to your needs, had generally the same core values as you. He was the safe bet, the type who wouldn't make plans last second without a hint of rational thought and just hope that they end well. Maybe you got with Miguel — his overplanning self — to compensate for your ex's utter disregard and borderline carelessness. He was impulsive, just looking for the next high to make him feel alive.

But you had been his partner in crime. He was ready to do it all with you. 

"___, long time no see. How have you been?" The bartender greets her like an old friend. He's an older man, seen all of your shenanigans with your ex. Had to kick the two of you out a couple of times but almost always welcomed the two of you back the next time you came around. It's been a little over a year now. He had seen you two argue more times than he could count on both hands but no fight seemed as permanent as the final one. You'd fight, stop talking for a few days until one of you came back to apologize and the routine act of make-up sex would commence.

You shrugged with a sigh, glancing vaguely around the dimmed bar as if trying to catch sight of something. Everything was just the same. Nothing changed. Your picture was still hanging up behind the bar along with a dozen others. You two were kissing. He held your waist, hands under your shirt as he held you close. Your fingers were splayed across his cheeks as you held his face, a hint of a smile against his lips as he kissed you. You two were drunk off your asses that night, nearly drunk the whole bar, passed out right where you're sitting. The picture of the two of you sleeping with your faces smushed against the bar was right next to the picture of you kissing.

"Oh- I've been fine. Y'know just...living life." You sighed, tracing your finger in imaginary shapes across the splintered wood. "You remember my usual?" You offer a smile and he returns in. "Of course, darlin'. Just give me a moment." His smile was old and worn but warm. "I haven't seen Hobie yet…if you're here for him." He grabs a glass, places a single ice cube inside of it.

You find your shoulders tensing in defense but you don't deny anything. You know he'd see right through your farce. It's no coincidence you decided to take a stroll down memory lane the same night your ex happens to be in town in the very place you knew he was likely to be. But you don't confirm his suspicions. Plausible deniability and all that. Silence befalls you as you watch him mix your cocktail and slide it down the way toward you. All with a little cherry on top.

Hobie used to pluck the cherry by the stem from your drink. He'd hold it to your lips and have you eat the cherry whole. Then he'd kiss you. He'd take the stem from your tongue and tie it against yours. He was always so good with his tongue, tracing hearts across your skin as he made his way down your naval.

You reached into your bag to pull out your card — or rather — the card Miguel had lent you to use. He was sweet like that; gave you his card when you went out. Kissed you softly and told you to have fun when you claim you were going out with friends. He trusted you with unwavering solitude. His confidence in your loyalty and faithfulness was something you didn't deserve.

You know it when a hand comes to drop a bill on the counter before you can take the honors.

"When have I ever let’cha pay for a drink, doll?" His voice sends shivers down your spine. Over a year and it's like you were never separated. Every muscle, even molecule, every atom in your body still gravitated towards him like a magnet. He was the negative to your positive, the moon to your sun. Something just clicked into place and you aren't exactly sure what it is but it makes you feel complete once more. 

He takes a seat stool covered in cracking leather starting to reveal the beige foam padding underneath. He looks different yet exactly as you had left him. His hair was still full and wild and beautiful. The rest was just the same. Same soft, droopy eyes that disappear when he smiles. Lovely, broad nose, and his lips. Oh– his lips were something otherworldly. They looked just as soft as when they last met yours, when they last pulled back to reveal teeth that sank into your skin. Lips that once murmured "I love you" and whispered false promises of the future you've always dreamed of. You and him with a baby, a family of your own. He promised he'd give that to you but you knew better than to trust the sweetened lies that passed by his lips. Hobie wasn't the type so settle in one place, live somewhere quiet and quaint and start a family. 

Hobie stared at you as if you were simply a memory he had reconstructed before his own eyes. A gaze soft and tender yet the lopsided smile displayed across his lips told a different story. He was certainly happy to see you, that some part of you still belonged to him, still sought him out given the chance. "___." He saw the way you flinched, turned away from him so maybe he wouldn't catch the longing in your eyes. You missed him more than you should. You shouldn't be here. "Hobie."

"Oh...don' be so tense, sweetheart." Hobie scoffed with careless dismissal. He reached out, a hand on top of yours to soothe your nerves. "Yer a sight for sore eyes. I's amazing to see ya again." Better to simply let things be. He'd never have hard feelings for you, no matter the bad your fights had gotten. You had left him abruptly, cut your ties to him with brutal efficiency in the heat of the moment. Hobie figured that was the end of it, no use in trying to get a deaf person to hear reason.

"Stephen," Hobie spoke to the bartender. "Beer, please." He slid the bartender his 20 and in passing, caught a glimpse of the card you had tossed out. "Miguel...tha’cha new boyfriend?" You try to search for some semblance of jealousy somewhere in his misty eyes or across his sculpted features but there was none. He just awaited your answer, maybe to figure out what reaction he'd have to that. Funny...he was always the type to assume first and ask questions later.

"Yeah."

"Good for you, dove. Wha’s he like? Are ya happy wit’ ‘im?" There could have very well been jealousy somewhere in the heart of his, residual possessiveness he still hasn't gotten rid of. But maybe there was a part of him that just wanted to be assured that you were okay. As...terribly complicated and sometimes toxic as Hobie and your relationship with him was. Neither of you ever wished ill on each other no mater the circumstance. Even when you left, when you packed your bags and told him to go fuck himself. You never meant the things you said. You both knew it.

Are you happy with Miguel? You felt that you should be. He's everything you wanted on paper, everything that Hobie wasn't. But that's just it, isn't it? He isn't Hobie. He doesn't get that wild look in his eyes when he gets an idea. He doesn't make haphazard plans with no regard for consequences. Hobie lives in the moment. Miguel lives for a future that isn't guaranteed. 

Hobie knows you too well. He sees the way you hesitate with your answer and speaks again. "I just wanna make sure my girl is being well taken care of." You realize that he doesn't give any indication of being jealous because he knows you still belong to him. He's not threatened by Miguel because if you were truly as devoted and loyal to him as you were to Hobie, you wouldn't be here. Wouldn't have even thought of coming.

You sip softly on your drink before the ice can start to melt, snatching up the card from the counter to place it back in your bag. "Because you took such great care of me."

"I took amazin’ care of ya and ya know it." Hobie had his drink in his hand before he knew it. A quick nod to Stephen in appreciation before the man walked away to give them time alone. "I took care of you, dolli." He whispered softly, gripping the bottle neck with his long, slender fingers. "Don't lie."

"You didn't care about anyone but yourself, Hobie."

"Can we not, righ’ now?" He murmured, pressing the rim to his lips to take a sip. "I came back to catch up wit’ ya, not spark another argument. And tha's not true. I care ‘bout’cha more than anyone." You take note to how he says it in the present tense. He cares about you, not cared. 

You sigh, lips pursing against your crytaline glass. "Fine. How has traveling been?" You won't open that can of worms. Problems that went unsolved will remain as such. Maybe it was intentional. Neither of you would be able to find closure and move on if such wounds remained open and untreated. It was intentional on both ends. You weren't ready to let go, even if the pain still remained.

"Incredibly lonely, actually." He admitted, the whisper of a woeful smile crossing the lips you had once adored so much. "Not much fun when you have no one t’share it with." You two had always talked about traveling the world together. Paris, Rome, Tokyo, anywhere your fickle hearts desired.

Sometimes you'd lay awake at night, your head resting upon Miguel's chest, and wonder what life might have been like if you had left with Hobie. Where you might have been and who you might have been if you had simply gone off with him. He had tried to get you to go. Showed up on your doorstep with the keys to his boat and a plan to sail down the English Canal to France, professed his love to you and begged you to come with him. Leave your whole life behind and just start anew like it was just that easy.

Maybe it was that easy.

"Paris was nice but i’ would have been even better with you. So would Barcelona and Rome. 'm going to Berlin next. Leaving early tomorrow. ‘m sure tha’ll be lonely too." You know his bed has been kept quite warm no doubt with men and women and everyone in between alike. The thought makes you sick, green with jealousy. He was yours before he was anyone else's. You wanted to mark him, litter his throat with teeth marks and hickeys so that whoever had the honor of having him would know that he was already owned.

Yet, he claimed he was lonely. He wanted you. He only wanted you. Why else would he have come back? It wasn't just for the shits and giggles or trying to "catch up". Hobie wanted you to go with him though he wouldn't say that outright. 

There was a beat of silence between the two of you before Hobie spoke again. "It wasn't all that bad, was it? To you at least? We had our downs but we had way more ups." He nudged you softly with one of those smiles that made your heart flutter and skip vital beats. You thought you just might die if he moved any closer to you.

"If by downs you mean telling each other to go to hell and me nearly throwing a vase at your head then sure, we've had our downs." You aren't proud of some of the things you've done...of a lot of the things you've done. You aren't proud that you're here and not at home, reading Miguel's sweet message of goodnight accompanied by a picture of him in bed. "Please do tell me what our ups were."

"Oh, we've had plenty. ‘m so disappoin’ed you've forgotten so easily." Hobie places a hand on his chest with an exaggerated offense. "Am I really tha’ forgettable?"

No. You wanted to say with quick, biting passion. Hobie was the least forgettable person you've ever met in all aspects. But you don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that. "I don't know, Bee. Maybe I'm in need of a reminder." Now you've gone into flirting with him and you didn't feel bad about it in the slightest. How can you feel bad as Hobie downs the rest of his drink and stands up with the prettiest grin you've ever seen in your life? The same mischievous grin he got when a new idea was sparked in that brilliantly dangerous mind of his. He takes your hand and drags you off of your stool. You stumble along with him, his hand tightly secured around yours as he takes you to the middle of the bar.

You remember this. You remember him putting coins in the old jukebox to play your song, quickly returning to you to take you up into his arms. Your right hand in his left while his right came around to rest of the small of your back. He'd pull you close, smiling with wild joy and youth and the two of you would dance however you so chose.

You missed him. God, you missed him and you hated it. You hated how he touched you with such familiarity. Knew you better than anyone else in the world. You hated that he kissed the corner of your lips and you did nothing to stop him. You hated that you knew this was a ploy to get you back and how you hoped that feelings could override the logical part of your mind and you could convince yourself to go back.

"Is this reminder enough for ya?" He leaned in and whispered into your ear, swaying carefully with you in his hold. Your lips are pressed to his shoulder and you can smell the cologne he had put on just for you, your favorite. He's wearing the shirt and vest you said looks best on him and the jeans you said you liked the very most on him. And of course, the boots he never goes anywhere without. Pulling out all the stops.

It's more than enough, yet, you play coy. "Vaguely."

Hobie likes it when you play coy. You hear him sigh slowly into your ear. "Ya remember the time when I made you miss tha’ flight to go see your parents for the holidays?" He spent nearly an hour between your legs, ravishing your body with orgasm after orgasm until your thighs were trembling around his head. "Or when we got that bottle of champagne and you let me pour it on you." Then he proceeded to lick it up from your diaphragm and naval. "Open." He had muttered and, on command, your mouth had opened up and you let him pour champagne into your mouth. 

"Hobie." Your tone warns him but he's quick to bite. "What? Too many good memories?"

"I have a boyfriend."

"Then why are you here, ___?" He snaps maybe with a bit of unnecessary harshness. It's all too easy for the two of your to start arguments. "If ya love yer new boyfriend so fuckin’ much then why are ya here to see me?"

You look away in shame because you know he's right. Your heart hasn't beat this fast since the last time you saw Hobie. It almost feels like it hasn't even moved since then. He left a vacant hole in your chest, took your heart with him but it was an even exchange in his opinion because he left his with you to fill the space he left behind.

Two fingers are on your chin and your face is being brought back to his. It takes you by surprise, how quickly he kisses you. His lips are just as soft as you remembered and even softer than they look. They still taste like mint and a touch of beer. You can tell he's been dying to do this since the moment he saw you and you can't say that you didn't want to either. You melt into him, let him have his way because you want his way too.

"All mine." He whispers, lips hovering over yours before he dove back in. All his. His hand once in yours now comes around the back of your neck to draw you closer. It was home. This was all you've been waiting for for months upon months, maybe waiting for him to come back for you. Well- he has and you still don't have your answer. But Hobie's always been rather good at persuading you, his tongue gently stroking over yours to coax you to agree.

"Come back t’my boat." He attempts to get you to say a small yes now. A frog in a pot of water. He was just starting to crank up the heat. 

"You know I can't." You manage to say between muffled kisses. Hobie remains persistent. "Of course, ya can, dove. 'm not asking ya to do backflips all the way there, jus’ come with me." That's how it started. Come with me to the dock, get on the boat, sail away with me. Next thing you know you're in a whole nother country. His voice was so sweet though. It's always been his secret weapon, whispering in your ear with that slight airy tease in his tone.

"Come with me...just for tonight." The two of you still swayed together to the rhythm of the song as it slowly began to come to an end. Between gentle pecks from his pillow-y lips to yours, he kept staring at you, begging you to cave just this one time. But it's never just the one time with him. You know this. You know it won't just stop with this. It's why you left. He had too much power, could make you do anything short of killing someone with enough charm. Look how easily you feel back in.

"Okay...just for tonight.”

[ghostboneswrites2]

Under the Stars || One Shot

New account! @ghostbones was banned! Transferring all my work here slowly!

Anon request from my old blog: "can i ask a tinnyyy request like you know s7 e8 daryl runs off from negans with jesus to hilltop later ricks group comes. How about reader and daryl reuniting after them not seeing eachother since negan takes him hostage and like all the time they spent away from each other in pain they try to make up for it"

Summary: Your mental health severely declined when Daryl was taken, but now he's back, and it's time to begin to heal together.

18+ MDNI || WARNINGS: depression, prescription medication, general unhappiness, but a happy ending (oh, and profanity, duh)

        You had barely taken care of yourself over these last weeks. Minimal food intake, drinking water only when your body painfully begged for hydration, unable to get out of bed to even bathe on most days as the painful sinking in your gut was just too much. You felt dizzy sometimes, either from malnourishment or grief. Two of your friends were murdered in cold blood, horrifically. You still remembered how it felt when Abraham's blood splattered over your face, warm in contrast to the chill of the air around you. You could remember the way your breath made foggy little clouds in the  bright lights, how you felt every ounce of air leave your lungs when Glenn was taken out next. 

        That man -- that monster -- he took more than just your friends. He took your sanity. You didn't sleep because when you closed your eyes it was all you could see. You hummed to yourself for hours because in the silence, you could still hear the whistle of the bat as it was brought down on your family members and the squelching of mangled skulls as he turned them into mere pulp. 

        With all that, the thing that stung even more was the memory of him being dragged away, your best friend, your love. The toughest and strongest man you knew, the one with a dirty abrasive exterior and a sparkling core of gold. They took him away, just like that. You knew he was alive. They brought him once, just to flaunt him in your face and remind you of what they had taken from you. To show you just how miserable they were making him.

        On this day, though, Rick and the others had dragged you out of bed. Michonne sat with you while you showered, and washed your hair for you while you sat curled up under the steamy stream of water. She helped you get dressed, and told you they were taking you with them to Hilltop to see Harlan, their doctor. He would be able to give you a mild antidepressant, and something to help you sleep again. They had other business at the colony, but they decided you'd benefit from tagging along.

        You were reluctant, of course. Why did you deserve peace and rest if nobody you loved could attain the same? But, they insisted, and who were you to  argue when they already had more pressing matters at hand. You all did. 

        "This is setraline, or more commonly known as Zoloft. It can be used for anxiety and depression, and it isn't known to have many side effects. I'm going to give you a 30 day supply. Just take one every morning with breakfast, and it should help you break out of this funk." Harlan explained, handing you a pill bottle. "It wont take away the grief, but it will help balance some of the symptoms of it until you can cope on your own."

        "This one," he continued, handing you a little baggie with ten pills. "Is a basic valium. Take it every night with a snack, you'll get your sleep schedule back on track by the time you run out of them."

        He offered you a thin lipped smile as you stuffed the medications in your bag.

        "Thanks, Doc." You sighed as you stood up. He held the door open and allowed you to exit the medical trailer before himself, shutting the door behind him.

        "Don't thank me just  yet. I want to see you again in 30 days. We can assess how it worked for you and then maybe you can thank me."

        The others were all gathered nearby the gates, talking with Maggie and some others. You made your way over. Michonne smiled kindly as she placed an arm over your shoulders.

        "Was he able to help?" Rick asked. You nodded.

        "We'll see in 30 days." You told them. The conversation resumed where it left off, and you kind of just absentmindedly stood by, allowing little bits of information to register here and there but not enough to follow.

        That was when the gates opened and Jesus walked in, followed by someone you didn't expect in the slightest. Your eyes were dry and wide, throat tight, heart racing out of your chest. Rick was the first to hug him, then Michonne, then Maggie, who he seemed  shocked to see. 

        His eyes landed on you and time stopped. The world simply stopped spinning. He stepped toward you slowly, each crash of his boot into the dirt sounding off like bombs. Tears pooled in your eyes when you could finally reach him hear him, smell him.

        "Daryl." You choked.

        He didn't say a word, but he didn't have to. The way he embraced you and lifted your feet from the ground, squeezing the air out of you was enough. When he set you back down he planted a kiss on your forehead, lingering there as he breathed you in.

----

        The stars had never looked so bright than they did when you were underneath them with Daryl that night. You stayed at Hilltop with him, and instead of enjoying a bed and warm sheets, you both laid on the ground outside Barrington House, breathing easily for the first time since he had been taken.

        "How'd you get out?" You wondered.

        "Nah. Don't gotta talk 'bout that right now." He said softly, sneaking an arm under you to pull you into him. You rested your head on his chest and he ran his fingers though your hair. 

        "Okay." You whispered. "I missed you."

        "Yeah." He agreed. "Me too. I missed ya."

        "I haven't been able to sleep without you."

        "Mm." He nodded, fingers still twirling in your strands.

        "Can you talk? About anything? I missed your voice."

        "Well," he sucked in a breath, searching for something worth telling you. "Every minute I spent away from you just felt longer and longer, ya know? 'N' now that I got ya back I don't wanna think about none of it. Don't wanna think 'bout the fightin' that's comin'.. Just wanna be here. With you."

        You sniffled and blinked back tears as you nuzzled closer to him, wishing he could just absorb you into his very being so that you'd never be apart.

        You peeked up at him through your eyelashes and he looked down at you, pressing a scratchy kiss on the top of your head.

        "I thought about you every minute of every day." You admitted.

        "I know." He said softly.

        "I just.." You sighed. "I'm just so happy to be here with you. It feels like a dream."

        "It ain't."

        "But it feels like one." You countered. "Just so unreal."

        "It's real." He affirmed.

        "I know." 

        "Good."

        "Do you wanna sleep inside tonight?" You asked.

        "Nah. Too closed up."

        "Okay." You smiled. You snaked an arm over his torso, holding him tightly. He returned the gesture, using dropping his hand from your hair down to your back and pushing you against him. You laid a leg over his.

        "Ya been eatin'?" He asked suddenly, running his fingers over your ribcage.

        "No." You admitted quietly.

        "Gon' eat breakfast tomorrow." He instructed.

        "I have to anyways. Harlan said I have to take my meds with food."

        "Meds? For what?"

        "Depression." You huffed, sitting up and reaching into your bag to show him the pills. "Zoloft and some kind of valium."

        "Pfft." He scoffed, taking the pills from you and setting them on top of his own bag as he pulled you back down. You settled back into your previous position. "Don't need no damn drugs. I'm gon' give these back to him tomorrow."

        "I guess they were just worried about me. I wasn't really that great, you know, with everything..." You trailed off.

        "Okay." He nodded. "I'm here now. Ya don't need 'em."

        "Okay." You said sleepily, eyes feeling heavy in the comfort of his embrace. You really didn't need valium, you just needed him to lay with you. He glanced down at you, feeling a bit of warmth in his chest as your eyes began to flutter.

        "Get some sleep, now." He whispered.

[elsa-fogen]

Oh, Husk and Alastor?

Their dynamic is also pretty interesting, they kinda feel like two people who everyone thinks gets along great and are the best of friends. While in reality their friendship is fueled but a fire born from their hatred. They just have many decent moments and have a easy time understanding each other, through they often use that information to serve a selfish endeavor.

Like Alastor would mess with Husk, tease him and Husk would tell Al to get his act together so that he(Husk) doesn't have to deal with some sort of fallout (ref. when Mimzy comes by)

In general, I feel like they do get along really well, but they are in no way friends. Kinda like how you can get along well with your boss, but wouldn't really consider them a friend. And you wouldn't really want them to involve themselves in your life, but that doesn't stop Alastor. (Social conversions? What's that)

This also makes me curious, wonder what kind of dynamic Husk has with Rosie, or rather, how do you think Rosie sees Husk? Just like a pet Alastor has? Or does she actually see the person that is there? (Leaning more towards her not really seeing Husk more than a errand boy or pet of Alastor)

Though it would be fun if the first time Husk meet Rosie he thought that she might actually be willing to help him because she gives of the energy of being a very kind person around people she cares about (aka Alastor). So he tries to talk to her without Alastor present and he finally understands how they get along so well, they are both the same kind of crazy ᵔᵜᵔ

So, um- what are your thoughts on the dynamic between Alastor and Husk?

HEEEHEHHE YOU GOT ME A REASON TO TALK ABOUT MY FRESH HEADCANON ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIPS

OKAY SO!!

I saw a theory that Husk had children when he was alive. Keep that in mind, it's a secret tool we wanna use later

So, little bit about Alastor. He is not the guy who owns many souls. In fact, he doesn't own any (well... i have some headcanons, but it's for another time). The only soul he has is Niffty, and she's... she's whole another level.

So one day Alastor get's Husk's soul in posession and he has no idea what to do with him. Their contract is basically "you'll have to do anything i order you" but it doesn't set any boundaries for Husk. So he can insult Alastor, argue with him and so on. The only thing he cant is to try to kill Alastor, but it's obvious.

So, Alastor's just... drags him around, and Husk has to just be there all the time, and watch Alastor do stupid shit without thinking, being manipulated by Mimzy into some shenanigans and so on, because he's too powerful, kinda don't afraid of anything and little bit unhinged. And Husk is trying to be that voice of sanity for Alastor (and maybe Niffty). Like in canon, he tries to warn Alastor about Mimzy nd at some point seems genuinely worried about him. Just a bit. And also, in that scene in final song, when Alastor appears again, Husk doesn't seem happy but still goes for group hug.

I think he sees Alastor as a child he has to babysit, but the child is so spoiled, that he doesn't give a shit about his warnings. Maybe Al reminds him of his own children at some degree. And so Husk is attached to Alastor in some weird unhealthy way, he cares about him and tries to protect, even if it pointless.

The worst part of it is that Alastor doesn't see him more than funny fluffy cat-guy-pet. He almost never takes him seriously and doesn't listen to what he says. So Husk may try to reach out to Rosie, to make her to reason with Alastor. But she's basiclly "i could fix him, but whatever is wrong with him is way funnier". I think she listens to Husk's worries about another Alastor's scheme, but she also trusts Alastor? I mean, she belives that he'll be fine. But if something seems to dangerous, she can agree and talk to Alastor.

After all, Husk was an overlord, and i think Rosie could know him before he made a deal with Alastor. So, i think she doesn't think of Husk as just Al's pet, she knows who he is. After all, not every sinner can become an overlord. But still,

So, last thing. I saw that one comic where after episode 5 Alastor admits that Husk was right about Mimzy and i really love this thought. I think Alastor also likes Husk's presence at some degree. Maybe they could build something healtier, maybe Alastor, after losing part of his powers, would listen to Husk more. But still it's all fucked up while Alastor owns his soul.

And also, i'd really love to see something of just Alastor, Husk and Niffty getting into some shenanigans together, this would be so much fun. Al and Niff who are just 2 unhinged gremlins and Husk who's done with their shit, but still cares about them and can't just leave, and it's not because of the deal. Like i imagine when husk is trying to reason with Alastor that he's about do something stupid and dangerous and Alastor's like well i don't force you to follow us this time, but Husk still goes with them because who else would watch after these two idiots?

So i think, i get your point about them!

[sparks-olivarpente]

the Stranger Fics

(byler fics with unexpected powers or twists)

Turns out a lot of my favorite fics enter this category. Feel free to reblog and add fics you love :)

In the Eye of a Hurricane (It's You and Me) by Julia_Skysong "Jonathan, why…why am I with dad on the security tape????" Lonnie Byers is a royal piece of shit. Will finds out he has powers and understandably has a meltdown about it, and Mike helps him through it.

over a bridge of time by @sevensided Hawkins isn't the same without Will. So Mike goes to visit him in Chicago. Then strange things happen… Second part of the awesome serie THE DARK MIRROR and of course you should read the whole thing :)

I know the end by @cosmobrain00 The worst-case scenario has happened. … and that's all the summary you'll get from me! an ongoing serie that keeps getting better and better (or worse and worse, depending on the point of view). Tags: #Mind Manipulation #Will has powers

them’s the breaks by emelinelou Three years after moving to California, one Will Byers shows up - read: dimension-teleports or something - back in Hawkins. In the corner of Mike's bedroom. In the middle of the night. Turns out this is a bad thing, namely for Mike and Mike's sanity.

captured ghosts by etchedstars ghosts from will's past come back to haunt this. literally or metaphorically is up to audience interpretation. Some favorite tags: #plot relevant cuddles #will gets to be sarcastic #he also commits crime

Come Hell, High Water by naiesu “It’s been months, Mike,” Lucas says, staring at Mike, hard. Mike can’t remember a time he didn’t look at him that way. “Will is a cold case. You need to accept that.” The dream-like parts are amazingly written <3

yesterFriday by nbfutureboy (@futureboy-ao3) Will Byers wakes up as usual one Friday morning - he worries about his family, his History test, and telling the people he loves that he doesn’t Like Girls in that way. Then he does it again. [Groundhog Day AU where Will gets stuck in a time loop.]

a strange education (reach out and touch me) by Total_Serene (@total-serene560) 16 year old Mike Wheeler wakes up in the middle of a highway in Indiana. He can't remember what happened, but he knows three things: He was going somewhere, it was supposed to be night, and he had taken Nancy's car. The mystery in this one…!!!

The Basement by olliecoddle (@souverian-are-we) Will and Mike spend their days in a little run-down house in the Upper Peninsula with dated furniture and peeling wallpaper, two sinking recliners next to each other. But there is a beast in the basement.

A Stranger Things Ghost Story by Junigatsu84 It is the Summer of 1983, before all the horrors that befall Hawkins. The boys are looking for their own mystery to solve and find a haunted house. It’s a shame Will is the only one to see it.

Back to the Future (with Mike Wheeler) by Nymphadoragreenleaf On a list of the top five most unexpected things to happen to Mike Wheeler, traveling 10 years into the future has got to take the top spot. The half-naked man claiming to be his best friend might be number two. Alternatively known as, Mike Wheeler tries to survive a week in the 90's and figures a couple of things out along the way.

You are the Heart by TouchTheSky A fever-dream, mucho-feels, super long, semi-fix-it, version of Season 5. i feel like i know you (but we never met) by @andiwriteordie “Who?” Mike’s voice breaks again, and Joyce chokes back a sob. “Joyce, who… who was he?” Or: The one in which Will Byers doesn't exist… At least not anymore.

with all my heart by mogiah (@morganee) what happens when Birthdaygate and Lettergate meet. or another one in which Will doesn't exist anymore

i've come home, i'm so cold by astrobi (@astrobei) Will's trying his hardest to make it through fall semester in one piece. Unfortunately for his degree, he's being haunted by maybe-feelings for his best friend (metaphorically), and also a maybe-ghost with rather abysmal fashion sense (literally). The fic that made me decide to spend the rest of my life that year reading fics

Blackout by Tea_For_One_Please as if their senior year of high school wasn't complicated enough, the Party find themselves investigating an accidental death, believing it to be connected to a similar event nearly two decades earlier. Just normal teenager stuff, right? This one hasn't been updated for a while but I remember enjoying the plot and mystery a lot

baby, we’re perfect by bookinit (@bookinit02) Senior year in Hawkins. Will and Mike figure some things out. I'm not allowed to say anything else about this fic. To quote the author: "brace yourselves. sorry in advance."

you were bigger than the whole sky by delusionaltogether (@parkitaco) Mike breathes out sharply, sinking to his knees in front of Will without conscious thought. Every bone in his body is turning to jelly, because Will is here, but he's also- not. on march 29th, 1986, will byers vanishes for a second time. 366 days later, he reappears.

This is where it starts by cottonscent While the rest of the party moved on and forgot once the gate closed Will kept exploring, and the connection he formed to the other dimension it actually a lot more complex than what they originally thought.

[kuwdora]

Saturday Morning Vid Recs - Video Games

@poetikat ! So you like video games. WELL! I come bearing video game recs from around the Internet, deep into old vidshows of yester-vidding fandom-year, and my bookmarks and recs posts. There’s always way more video game vids out there, esp on AO3 - search for your video game fandom and the Fanvids tag and see what comes up in your results.

Some of these vids date back a decade or more and some are very recent. They’re all awesome and so interesting to watch.

Video Game Vids!

America by @beccatoria. Mass Affect: Andromeda. #colonialism

Hard Times by absternr. Portal. I laughed and cried. Gonna make you wonder why you even try.

Riverside by milly. Tomb Raider (2013). I see how everything is torn in the river deep", Lara PoV. Vid for the 2013 Tomb Raider game.

River by milly. Tomb Raider (2018) This is so fucking gorgeous. Stand and deliver. / Made for VividCon Challenge "Full Circle" in 2018, a sequel/parallel to "Riverside". Reverse Dance by @aurumcalendula. Dishonored. A great character vignette! Billie through the years.

Pop Galaxy by AbsoluteDestiny. Super Mario Galaxy. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️. I’m really in love with the use of the camera angles from the game, and this pop medley is very much a banger of 2013. It’s so much fun.

Scream and Shout by @rhoboat77. Assassin’s Creed. I’m forever screaming about how awesome this vid is in my head but now I share it with everyone. Forever shouting because rhoboat captured all of the game footage!! To make THIS VID. The skill and talent and sheer fucking perseverance to perform some of these actions in the game specifically for this vid. Everything is permitted.

Pop That Lock by @kuwdora. Final Fantasy VII: Remake. Cloud/everyone. Final Fantasy + Adam Lambert = my groove. You got the key to your release, so pop that lock until you’re lighter than air.

D U S K by niyalune. Outer Wildes. This game is gorgeous and this vid is so fucking beautiful and full of wonder and heart "The universe is, and we are."

We’re Here Because We’re Here by violace. Journey 2012. We're here because we're here. Maybe it's really that simple.

Brother (Last Ride) by @kuwdora. The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt. The wolves of Kaer Morhen. I captured all my own game footage for this vid! A first for me. We face the fire together, brothers 'til the end. Never Seen The Light of Day by violace. Bioshock Infinite. This character study really takes you on Elizabeth's journey! Amazing song choice and what a game. And the truth shall set you free. -- A tribute to Elizabeth.

Birds, Birds, Birds by bironic. Wingspan. Tabletop game play, video game, trailers. Bironic has done it again and created something so incredible and something I haven’t seen before and inspired me and struck everyone full of awe and love. I got birdies, dawg.

9 to 5 by @eruthros. Lego Star Wars. This is so damn cute! It's a tough life for a clone trooper or stormtrooper.

One Foot by @kuwdora. Star Wars: Jedi Fallen Order. Cal Kestis my beloved. Taking this one step at a time.

Start Wearing Purple by @findmeinthealps Mythic Quest. Not a video game per se but about the people who make them. Poppy Li and Iann Grimm. Hot messes who end up making some great and terrible choices along the way. All your sanity and wits, they will all vanish, I promise.

Hurry, Hurry, Hurry by @marahsarie. Outer Wildes. This vid!! is so cute!! and wonderful!! All my friends and all the loose ends and this love of mine, 'cause I'm running out of time.

Anything For Love (Including That) by caramarie Mass Effect/Dragon Age. Thanks for the terrible romantic choices, Bioware.

For more video game vids:

Vidding community on dreamwidth - see the games tag: dishonored, carmen san diego,resident evil and more.

Vividcon Database: 2013 Video Games Vidshow

Spring Equinox 2013 theme: Game On! which includes video games (and sports game themes)

Vidding Discord: ask for recs from more vidders!

Previous Saturday Morning Vid Recs:

Women!

Space and Robots

Animals

Follow the tags to keep up with recs this summer:

#saturday morning vid recs

#kuwdora vid recs

#kuwdora recs

A helpful guide I wrote:

How to Leave Feedback on Fanvids

[artistsfuneral]

The Road to Kaer Morhen - p.8

this turned out longer than expected so most of it, the fanart and the vote are under the read more so people don't have to scroll past this for 5min

✨🌿🌼✨

It was good that Cat Witchers were already considered a bunch of madmen, otherwise Aiden would've started to worry for his sanity as he watched Jaskier's blue eyes light up with joy. “Good, because I have already named them!” Of course he had.

Following the bard on wobbly legs to where the four horses grazed, Aiden almost forgot about all that had happened a couple of hours prior. Then he accidentally kicked his foot against a stray helmet and the clattering sound of metal reminded him of the fresh cuts across his chest and the awful ache in both his shoulders and he couldn't help but to stare at the back of the bard's head, wondering what exactly a protector was.

But then Jaskier turned and smiled at Aiden with such incredible warmth that his heart fluttered inside his chest and he found himself mimicking the smile without the all too familiar voice inside his head telling him, warning him not to and he suddenly understood that despite it all, despite the horrors of having seen what Jaskier could do if angered, despite not knowing and therefore not understanding how or what or why Jaskier was who he was- Aiden wasn't afraid of him. Aiden trusted him. Aiden, who – much like any other witcher – from the very first day of his training had been taught, no, had been drilled to never trust anyone on the path that wasn't one of his own brothers. He knew of the world's cruelty, had learned first hand not to seek comfort and friendship where he wouldn't find it, but Jaskier- Jaskier was different. How long had they been traveling together? A month? A month was a time hardly worth mentioning, passing in the blink of an eye for someone who would possibly live up to three, maybe four hundred years or longer. Sure, Aiden was on the younger side of the Cat school, only having followed the Call of the Path for around sixty or seventy years, but even compared to that a month was nothing. And yet-

“Are you alright, sunshine? Are you in pain? Should you have rested more before getting up? We can take it slow, you know, no pressure.”

Aiden chuckled, “I'm fine, Jask, no need to worry. Simply got lost in my thoughts for a moment.” Not so easily persuaded, the bard gave him a look that was eerily similar to Lambert's 'don't bullshit me' face. Thankfully Aiden knew how to deal with that. “You said you already have names for the horses?” Success. Jaskier's face lit up again and he took hold of Aiden's hand to gently pull the witcher along. “I have! Or at least for three of them, I'm not quite sure what to name the fourth one, but I still want to introduce you to them!”

The horses waited at the sidelines of the camp, heads rising curiously as the two men made their way over to them. Untacked except for their bridles they stood closely together, showing that they had been traveled together long enough to form a bond between them. Jaskier had been right, they were friends, given the way they bumped their heads together. Aiden hadn't owned a horse in some time now, so the prospects of riding again had him smiling, even if he still believed four horses to be excessive. Though, all complains he had went right out the window when they reached the small herd and almost immediately a soft nose bumped against his head, warm breath tickling against his skin. Jaskier laughed warmly and gently nudged the big horse head away from Aiden's face, so the witcher could properly look at it. “That's Sprout,” the bard dutifully introduced Aiden to the tricolored pinto. “I'd say he's the youngest, certainly acts like it, but from what I've seen today the others keep him in check quite well.” Aiden hummed, taking in the gelding's lively eyes. He was the smallest of the four, his mane and tail cut short like it was custom for military mounts. He was pretty, almost too pretty to be ridden by a soldier, not that that was the case anymore, but it still seemed a bit odd.

Next to them one of the two bay horses snorted at him, making Aiden turn towards it. Jaskier rolled his eyes fondly and petted her neck. “This feisty lady is Roachie.”

“You're kidding, right?” One truly had to be a fool these days to not know the name of the White Wolf's horse. Jaskier had written several songs about Roach after all. “Certainly not,” Jaskier grinned. “They share the same color, the same temperament and I think it is time I get a Roach of my own. Can't be the Witchers' Bard without a Roach now, can I?” Aiden hid his face in his hand and giggled like a child. It was so stupid, such a petty thing, but at the same time the most brilliant name Jaskier could've come up with. “Alright then,” he grinned at the bard, “Roachie and Sprout. Who's next?”

“Chicory!” Jaskier said and wiggled his finger in front of a sheer mountain of a horse. A kaedweni draft, if Aiden was correct. It had that distinct gray color that ranged somewhere between a dapple gray and a grulla silver. The soldiers must've obtained it somewhere along the border from a farm and used it as a carrier or cart horse afterwards. The name Jaskier had picked fitted the horse perfectly. “She's a mare too, definitely on the calmer side I'd say, but given her size she'll be able to handle the boys just fine.” Introducing himself to Chicory by softly petting her rosy nose Aiden was reminded of the horse he had learned to ride on. “Our caravans are pulled by draft horses, they're good animals, sturdy too. I always liked them better than other breeds,” Aiden admitted. Jaskier bumped their shoulders together in silent reassurance. The witcher hadn't told him yet what exactly was going on with the Cats, but from what he understood so far the school of the Cat was going through some disagreements concerning the leadership, fractioning it into two or three sides and a handful of witchers that preferred not to intervene and therefore split off with the rest of the Cats for now. Aiden was one of them.

Turning towards the fourth and last horse, the second bay that was almost identical to Roachie except for the missing blaze, Jaskier sighed. “And this is the little fella I couldn't seem to find a name for. He's a bit more careful than the others, needed some convincing before I could give him a treat, but nothing I came up with really fit him.” Aiden hummed in agreement, seeing the shyness Jaskier had spoken of, but also the strong legs and firm muscles underneath the gelding's timid character. Unlike the other three it was almost obvious that he was a military mount. The poor thing was, in a way, so horribly normal that he'd be entirely invisible surrounded by other horses and that thought made Aiden gasp. “He's Horse!” Jaskier slowly turned his head towards the other man and blinked in confusion. “Uh- yes? He's a horse, well done, Aiden.”

“No, listen, Jask. He's Horse, like Geralt's horse is Roach and Lambert's horse is Horse.”

“Lambert's horse-horse? Huh?”

Aiden slapped his hand against his forehead. “No, Lambert named his horse Horse,” he explained, over-pronouncing the name. Now it was the bard's turn to gasp for air. “That poor Horse!” The two men blinked at each other once, twice before bursting into a loud fit of giggles.

After taking their time to get to know their new horses, Jaskier and Aiden tacked them up, going for the simple brown reigns and saddles and avoiding anything that looked too much like the redanian horse armor. They hopefully wouldn't encounter anyone else on their way to Kaer Morhen, but better safe than sorry. For now, Jaskier and Aiden would ride on Roachie and Sprout, securing their packs on Horse and Chicory. The plan was to swap the animals' tasks every few days, the rotation hopefully keeping their spirits up and prevent any sores or strains.

Jaskier's little looting session was thankfully providing them with everything they needed to take care of the horses for weeks, if not two months. Not that they planned on taking so long to search for the Wolves' keep, but you never knew. Aside from that Jaskier had scraped together whatever bits and pieces of armor Aiden could use in the future, some additional food and water skins and miscellaneous items like a bigger cooking pot and a nice set of knifes that would do them good. They stored everything in the horses' saddle bags, keeping just a handful of their belongings in their own packs. Jaskier of course, kept his lute close to him, just like Aiden refused to remove the swords from his back.

For a while the two rode through the underbrush of the forest, leading the horses in a circle to hide any possible tracks, then followed a well used deer trail further east until it came to a natural stop next to a small, rocky stream. Allowing the horses to drink, Jaskier turned in his saddle to find Aiden's eye. “How are you holding up, sunshine?”

Aiden, who's shoulder's had been aching for quite some time now, sighed loudly. “I'll live. Think, I will drink another Swallow and fight through it. We lost a couple of hours because of me, so we should keep riding until night falls.”

“I will ignore the fact that you said it like it was your fault Vizimir's toadies caught up with us and remind you that the sun will not set for at least four or five hours.” Jaskier replied, while Aiden fetched the reddish potion out of his sea sack and proceeded to drown it in one go. The bad rolled his eyes, “I mean it's not like our arrival at Kaer Morhen is expected on a agreed upon day, since we – you know – aren't expected at all. If Vesemir is at the keep at all. As stingy as Geralt is with details, I at least know that his father still hears the Call from time to time. So really, we don't need to hurry.”

Aiden gave him a deadpan look. “Have you forgotten why we're trying to find Kaer Morhen in the first place? We aren't looking for a summer house, Jaskier, we are refugees hoping the grandmaster of the Wolves will hide us from the rest of the continent. If not for you being- well, you, I'd still be chained to that tree right now. So can we just ride on and get enough distance between us and everything that's trying to fucking murder us? Please?”

please like and reblog if you voted

✨🌿🌼✨

I gave up when it came to drawing the saddles, that shit just didn't want to be drawn, so use your imagination to make their tack more realistic pls 🤫

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[doomandgloomfromthetomb]

Patti Smith Group / John Cale / Television - The Palladium, New York City, December 31, 1976

I finally got around to Sonic Life, Thurston Moore's recent memoir, this month! You can read a few of my quick thoughts about it (along with some other nice recommendations) in the latest edition of the Aquarium Drunkard Book Club. As I mention, I was a little surprised at how much I enjoyed Thurston's memories of his teenage years, way before Sonic Youth was even a twinkle in his eye — A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Fan? From the suburbs of Connecticut, Moore made countless trips into NYC to soak in the punk/CBGB/Max's worlds, catching shows by The Ramones, Suicide, the Dead Boys, Sid Vicious ... and Patti Smith, of course.

Thurston paints an evocative portrait of this New Year's Eve blowout, which doubled as Patti's raucous 30th birthday party. He was dangerously high on mescaline.

"We zombied our way down the street to the Palladium and found our seats, and I sat in a state of tenuous control as Television arrived onstage. I figured if I just maintained my cool, the mescaline's threat of wiping out my sanity would begin to subside and all would be okay. 'A song by Dylan' — were the only words I remember Tom Verlaine saying to the audience as the band began to play a plaintive cover of 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door.' By the time John Cale and his group came onstage, I felt as though I were sliding slowly down the side of a porcelain sink, managing only the barest of friction, my reality threatening to fall into a drain hole never to return. I was gripped by the fear of losing myself completely, another entry on the list of acid casualties. I concentrated on specific thoughts, pinpricks of salvation that I'd cling to, slip from, then hold on to again. I feared that if I closed my eyes, I would be forever vanquished."

Happy new year?! All these decades later we can enjoy the Palladium gig via dusty audience tapes — your call if you want to drop a tab of mescaline while you listen. Interesting to hear Television at this point, with Marquee Moon more or less in the can, playing a much larger venue than ever before. They'd just finished several nights in a row at CB's — which is maybe that's why they sound a littttttle bit tired. But there's plenty of sweet stuff, of course, including a truly go-for-broke "Kingdom Come." Billy Ficca, baby! Cale, meanwhile, happily provides a bad trip soundtrack for Thurston's bad trip — a short but powerful set highlighted by a maniacal "Guts" and an even more maniacal "Fear Is A Man's Best Friend." That guy sure could scream.

And what about the belle of the ball — Patti herself? Let's hand it back to Thurston, who had recovered a bit by the start of her set. Here, he describes the all-star finale with Fred "Sonic" Smith joining the melee.

"Fred and Patti had become an item. Now here was Fred onstage, unassuming and spectral, as Patti howled and whirled. With 'My Generation' culminating in obligatory destruction, all players would eventually leave the stage except for the two Smiths. Like Fred, Patti had a Fender Duo-Sonic strapped on, and she leaned her head on her sweetheart's shoulder as both their guitars emitted a whistling-bird noise of feedback through the amps. How this translated to everyone around me, I couldn't say. For me, it was an emblematic vision of all I would ever desire from rock 'n' roll — transcendence, devotion, sonic love."

[auxiliarydetective]

And now... the second big event! My drawing program says this took me only 12 hours instead of 17 but that's not counting the whole day I spent researching and the hour-long rambles in the Discord server that got me to place 6 on the leaderboard.

Introducing...

Sanctitas Livia! Former Crown Princess of the Bellona Empire!

If you know me, you know I love Antiquity so much that I go to university for it, so eventually, I had to create an OC that was very Roman. Aurelia was the warmup, but Livia is really the most Roman OC I have ever created. And of course she's also a One Piece OC.

Look at that glorious lorica segmentata! The shin guards, the caligae, the lorica manica, the layers beneath that you can't even see!

Join me below the cut for a journey through the drawing progress and into artistic madness.

Alrighty, here we go.

Time for rambles

But we're doing it a little differently this time. Instead of me just telling you my thoughts, I'll take you on the journey I went on to finish this piece and explain my thoughts along the way.

Day 1 - The Research

I really don't have a lot to say here, I just did a lot of research. One of the sources that helped the most for this was this YouTube video here which explains the lorica segmentata (aka your stereotypical legionary armor) in detail and this one where a historian (I believe) messes with talks to a bunch of re-enactors.

At the end of the day, I ended up with this:

The reference images on the left are ones I googled and sadly didn't keep the sources for. The base is this one by Bases-Xs (that I would later edit and slightly frankendoll) and the images on the right are made with HeroForge and the Tiefling Maker, my most beloved picrew.

You can see that, on the left, I've got references for a centurion helmet - yes, centurions had those kinds of headdresses, the ones you usually see are incorrect - the lorica segmentata, various versions of the lorica manica (aka that arm brace thingy) and the complete legionary fit.

With this as a base to work with, I went to bed. The next day would be my birthday and I had invited a fellow historian and artist over to bounce ideas off of because I was dreading how to make the lorica segmentata, which is very square in shape, work on a female body with curves.

But that was an issue for another day.

Day 2 - Fortuna Minervaque me adiuvent.

That Latin sentence means "May Fortuna and Minerva help me" and it's exactly what this day's motto would turn out to be. My historian friend got sick and couldn't come, so I was left to face the armor issue on my own.

And so it begins.

As you can see, I started the drawing process with my sanity fully intact. I didn't just want wings glued to the head, I wanted feathered ears! Kinda like elf ears, pointing upwards, but like if elf ears if they grew feathers, y'know. Eventually, I figured it out.

So, I had one ear. The second one took some experimenting, but I did it. Then, I needed to capture Livia's essence.

Perfect.

A little snack for dinner later...

That little braid was more complicated to draw than you would think. You see, the feathered ears and braid - and face markings that you'll see later - are very important to Livia's species, an original species that I put into the world of One Piece. They don't have a name yet but I'm having a blast with them. Maybe I'll make a post about them one day.

One little crisis and about an hour later, we had a tunic and our first deviation from historical accuracy.

Well, technically, the first deviation would've been the feathered ears and giving this armor to a woman but... y'know.

The thing about the Roman tunica is that it was very wide, in fact it was almost as wide as it was long. All that excess fabric would pile up under the armor and at the armpits - and I didn't want that for Livia. So I decided to give her more tailored sleeves and to tie the tunica beneath the bust and at the waist instead of at the hip and give it less volume in general to avoid the fabric piling up.

You can also see a sneaky new reference at the bottom right there. It's a screenshot from the first video I linked above and would be vital for helping me figure out the armor issue.

What you can see here is a thick scarf around the neck to avoid the armor plates cutting into your throat as well as some generous padding. Like they say in the video, this padding is more experimental history since none of this sort of padding has been preserved. Logically, since organic materials don't usually last as long as, for example, metal does. But padding would be really practical if you're wearing armor since armor is heavy and you don't really want it cutting into you. Your tunic won't do much to protect you there. Also, it smooths out the curves, which is very practical for this very specific situation we're dealing with there.

However, I was still ecstatic about having to figure out the armor.

See, the lorica segmentata is a genius piece of equipment, but it's really only genius for men since it's optimal for a square body type. I had to figure out a way to make it work for Livia without creating critical weak spots and without inviting people to stab her in the boobs.

Generally, having boobs isn't very optimal for armor. You have to find a way to make the armor fit around them, still leave a bit of breathing room, and for goodness' sake don't make boob plates because those are horrible in case of an impact. You generally want a shape that deflects blows and, additionally, I had to deal with the layering of the lorica segmentata without creating a gap where someone could stab her in the tits.

Eventually, I came up with this:

This design is based off the Corbridge A type lorica segmentata, the same one shown in the video that I got the screenshots from. Generally, this type of armor consists of four parts - the two shoulder parts and the two torso parts. You wouldn't usually be able to take it apart like this since those top two plates here would belong to the shoulder parts and would actually be the ones where you link the shoulders to the torso. You can see the hook and eyes just above the bust.

Once you have your two halves - the shoulder and torso pieced together for both left and right - you'd lace them together and buckle them up at the top - which I also drew in here. As you can see, I stopped the armor above the belly button so that Livia would still be able to bend. The two bottom plates also aren't laced, which is something that I copied directly from the authentic historical armor and I assume is for ease of movement while bending and turning.

And this was where I left it for the day. I was exhausted, I had lost all of my braincells on the way, but damn was I proud.

Day 3 - Perserverance is a virtue, right?

Clearly, the events of the last day were still affecting me since I forgot to have breakfast that morning. So, I "fixed it" with an early lunch and got right back to it.

As you can see, I had lots of fun, or rather my drawing program did. The reason why I kept adding more reference images is because the shoulder pieces are actually a lot more complicated than just "Haha lace iron halfpipes together". I had to really get a feel for how they worked before I could get around to drawing them, and the ever-important video came in clutch.

As you can see, there's hinges on the two inner shoulder pieces. There are also hinges at the back, so the two innermost shoulder pieces are actually three plates each. This is for maximum ease of movement. You'd think that this kind of armor would be restrictive, but you can actually raise your arms pretty high with this. Makes sense since the legionaries still had to throw their pila/javelins and fight. You can also see a weak point of the armor here - look at how open those shoulders are! You're not stabbing into flesh when you stab in there, but it's definitely a weak point because you could easily slide between the plates here.

Next in line was the lorica manica aka the arm brace.

This one wasn't really difficult in construction, it just took a lot of perserverance and energy to draw all those little plates. If you remember, I had two references for the lorica manica, one where the foremost plates were on the bottom and one where they were on top. I decided to go for the latter version because the former is just stupid. Go back to look at that reference and tell me you couldn't jsut easily shove a sword in there! So, lower plates on top to leave no room for the sword to go in-between. Also smaller plates for better bending and coverage, and of course they're laced.

You can hardly see it but there's also lacing at the top. The way I imagine it, though I don't know for sure, is that the arm piece would probably be attached to the leather straps holding the shoulder pieces together. That way it stays in place and won't fall off.

And if you're wondering why she only wears one arm brace - the other arm gets a big-ass shield.

Then I got myself some references for the sandals aka caligae, cooked up some shin guards (which would only be worn by officers), added the belt, and...

Yeah, the lineart was done. Here's the bigger image so you can see the insane state of my references:

At this point, I was tired and everything hurt. So, I decided to call it quits for the day.

I wish I could say that this is day 4 but then this happened:

Yeah, I got back to my tablet, fixed some wonky lines and...

I actually finished it. So yeah. Time for some design details.

I forgot her piercings in the lineart so I added them in

Fancy face markings <3

Whether Roman soldiers' tunics were red is actually something I put a lot of research into. It's a common myth and it has some footing but in the end it's not really likely that they were that uniform. Still, I kept the red because Livia is a (former) crown princess and the crown prince/princess's signature color is red

The armor would historically been made of iron but Livia's would most likely be a special kind of steel. The hinges, decorations on her belt, and shin guards are made of brass.

The laurel wreath is part of Livia's personal emblem as well as her empire's crest.

I kinda love how the circular engraving under the first decorative piece on the middle of the shin guard looks like a bird staring at you. It was an accident but I kept it <3

Very important! Foot wraps under the sandals so you don't get blisters.

So yeah, that's it <3

Stay tuned for a special little treat tomorrow

Taglist: @starcrossedjedis @oneirataxia-girl @daughter-of-melpomene @bravelittleflower @box-of-bats - let me know if you’d like to be added or removed!

One Piece Taglist: @supermarine-silvally

[xoruffitup]

A Reylo Retrospective (or: The Friends We Made Along the Way?)

After a New York City SNL weekend, I typically write a flaily recap of the incredible show experience on my way home. (See my unabashedly joyous recap posts from Adam’s 2018 and 2020 shows. :)) My friends and I sadly did not make it into the show this time, so I decided to write a recap post of a different kind. This is a retrospective of my years in Reylo/Adam fandom so far, and why they’ve been the best years of my life.

In December 2017, I saw TLJ in theaters for the first time. Like many of you reading this, my life was irrevocably changed in the span of those hours. We all remember the moment when we felt it happen. Maybe it was when Kylo took off his helmet in front of Snoke and bared those wounded eyes. Maybe it was the moment when all sound cut out and the first force bond opened. Maybe it was the moment Kylo appeared shirtless - hot and broad and so so vulnerable. Maybe (as it was for me) it was the moment when he and Rey locked eyes in the throne room, then turned back to back in a slow motion, world-tilting moment that changed everything. Without fail, this is always one of my favorite things to talk about with Reylo friends both new and old. Recalling the moment. That lightning strike of realization that you were seeing something that would indelibly change who you are.

It’s impossible to describe the experience to people who didn’t share in this particular epiphany. But whenever I attempt to do so, I usually phrase it something like this: When I say TLJ changed my life, I don’t just mean the movie itself. I mean that moment was a gateway. It connected me to a community, friendships, and experiences that would beautify and enrich my life in ways I could never have expected.

In June of 2018, I made a hare-brained trip to the Nantucket Film Festival, where Adam would be speaking on a panel with Noah. The event was small, located in a humble school auditorium. I sat in one of the first rows, mere seats away from Greta and Joanne. Adam came onto the stage, and he was everything and nothing I expected. Larger than life. Impossibly small compared to the explosive impact of his presence. An unassuming, compelling, inexplicable force that made my heart race and my stomach swoop. The impact of his presence is something I still can’t describe. This riveting, authentic persona; this irresistible gravity in the way he carries himself; the way he seems to hunch into a body that nonetheless strains the seams of the world around him. I couldn’t take my eyes off him the entire time, and my heart never calmed down. To this day, it still hasn’t. 

Then came September of 2018: Adam’s second SNL appearance and what would be my first time attempting to go to the show. In the week leading up to the show, the undertaking truly gave the impression of insanity. I took an overnight bus to NYC on a Thursday night, and upon my arrival at 5 AM I went straight to join the Standby Line with my humongous backpack and all my things in tow. It was still dark, raining, and I truly contemplated my own sanity as I dug trash bags out from my backpack and bagged all my things in effort to keep everything dry. Then the sun rose, the rain petered out, the one internet friend I’d planned to meet there joined me in line, and as the Friday hours flew by, solidarity and excitement warmed the steadily-growing line. 

When I think back to those ~24 hours of mania, I remember spontaneous pizza parties with new line friends; I remember spirited conversations in the midnight hours about Adam’s filmography and all our respective moments of epiphany that led to us being there - on a NYC street at midnight for a mere chance of watching our collective fave on SNL. I remember random Reylos watching our updates on twitter and sending us food, snacks, and Starbucks in line. (Literally never forget the bike delivery guy who, with a befuddled expression, announced he had a pizza delivery for “….the Reylos in the SNL line???”) I remember the camaraderie, the utter silliness, the crafting of homemade signs so the hundreds of passers-by would stop asking what we were there for. (Ours said ‘What: Saturday Night Live. Why: Kylo Ren.”) I remember the hours flying by, and the utter euphoria of it all - enough to keep us (mostly) warm in even the smallest hours of Saturday morning.

In the show’s Dress Rehearsal the next evening, I sat with three girls I’d never met before that weekend. They’re still three of my best friends to this day. We exchanged numbers after the show that evening and started a group chat (“Designated Adam Drivers,” obviously). In the five years since, every single day that group chat lit up my phone meant it would be a good day. In the years since then, we’ve shared countless experiences that would never have even knocked on my door of possibility, were it not for this miraculous thing called the Reylo/Adam gateway - that spark of recognition and understanding that turned us from strangers to soulmates. 

Since then, we’ve shared almost an embarrassment of riches in terms of experiences together: Four in-person (one virtual) AITAF shows, five Burn This performances/stage doors, the profound highs and lows of the TROS London premiere, Adam’s January 2020 SNL show, Steven Colbert and Seth Meyers appearances, and an array of film festival premieres. (TIFF 2019 for Marriage Story and The Report; Cannes 2021 for Annette; Venice 2022 for White Noise.) Not to mention that last year I went to visit one of those 2018 SNL besties in Australia (along with the other Aussie bestie I met in the 2020 SNL line). 

I realize the above list reflects privilege in terms of my opportunities and work flexibility to travel, and that someone could read the above and think I need to chill the fuck out. But I wrote out that list in attempt to convey the broadening of horizons, the ageless delight, and inexhaustible joy that such a shared passion brings into one’s life. It’s a bright beacon of the kind of excitement most people leave behind in childhood. It’s a reminder of the intangible sources of wonder and inspiration that come from within. It brings together people of disparate ages, backgrounds, and nationalities with a kind of innocent enthusiasm it often feels this world needs so much more of.

Of course, one could always argue this common binding spark is the foundation of fandom culture in general. But I’ve cycled through my fair share of other fandoms pre-Reylo/Adam, and nothing has ever compared to these wondrous heights. And going on six years since my personal TLJ moment, I still feel the conviction in my very toes that nothing else ever will.

In parallel to my real-life adventure squad, these last few years have also seen the cultivation of friendships with other Reylos and fic authors online. Never underestimate the power of a single AO3 comment or twitter DM to spark profound connection. What started as a group of online friends quickly transcended the bounds of cyber space. My “pocket friends” don’t just live in my phone; they’re the people I look forward to telling about my day, the ones I lean on in tough times, the ones whose support and love I know to be constant, no matter physical distance or timezones. They’ve become the indefatigable group of girlfriends my teenaged self might have dreamed up to feature in my adult life. And even as some of us may move on from Reylo/Star Wars, its ties are timeless and unbreakable. We are more than a group of people who cohabitated the same particular corner of the internet for a time. No, we’re kindred spirits who recognized in each other the same values, the same challenges and struggles, the same fears and anxieties, the same hopes and joys. We recognized and nurtured in each other that rare, safe space for our true selves. We were drawn together by this silly, fantastic shared obsession, and together built something real and true that grew well beyond it. 

So why am I writing this terribly sappy and self-indulgent post, you wonder? Well, I suppose my motivation came from the bittersweet experience of this weekend. I suppose it came from the conflicted emotional response I had to not making SNL this time. It came from the moment I realized that while the disappointment felt crushing, I will nonetheless cherish this SNL weekend right alongside the others. 

And why should that mean anything to you, dear reader? Why should you care about my sentimentality? Perhaps because - even if we’ve never spoken either in person or online - we each shared the moment, at one point or another. The moment that led us here - to me writing, you reading, to us sharing this particular little corner of the world. Perhaps because the highs and lows I experienced this weekend are not unlike the wins and losses we all share in this fandom space. The point of this post is not to wallow in temporary disappointment, but to celebrate how far we’ve come in this shared journey. The point is to cut through the haze and the frustration, the scandal and the hurt, to recall the purity of that shared emotion that first called us here. The point is to dedicate a moment of reflection for the love and enthusiasm that guided and shaped all this in the first place. 

To many, Reylo is divisive, even maligned. Nothing we say or do can ever change their warped view. We can, however, know in our heart of hearts that we share something unique and powerful. We can support and love each other; we can see the best in each other. We can fill our shared corner of the world with that magic we each discovered when we stepped through that gateway for the very first time.

[ivorys-back]

Howdy! ;P

If you got that reference, good for you! I'm starting an Undertale comic based on my initial interpretation of the story and characters, and it also ties into my TWOF AU. Obviously, being part of an AU, it has some deviations from the canon, which I'll list here along with the characters:

First, there's Frisk and Chara. The reason I made both of them girls is because way back when I was first starting to roam the Internet and came across Undertale, I watched a dub of the Deeper Down comic, and in that comic, Frisk was addressed as female, and that's been my headcanon ever since. As for Chara, her name just sounded female to me. Also, Frisk is the reincarnation of Chara, which is why they share a Soul trait. Chara was about 15 when she died and Frisk is 12 when she travels through the Underground, so Chara is three inches taller than Frisk.

Flowey, in this AU, is actually a good guy (but still retains some of his sass and snarkiness from the original) and accompanies Frisk through her journey. Despite carrying some of Asriel's essence, he doesn't remember anything from Asriel's life or why he was born as a flower. This is because when Asriel collapsed and turned into dust, it was his chest portion that fell onto the flower that would become Flowey instead of his head, which is what carried his memories and would've resulted in the Flowey we all know and love. That being said, Flowey and Asriel are completely separate entities in this AU. Flowey was about 20 years old by the time Frisk fell.

(Also, just to save my sanity, I'll be using a different Omega Flowey design. Maybe the one from @scaletale-au, since it's pretty much the only pretty Omega Flowey out there, and also the design is just so badass, I couldn't resist.

Speaking of Asriel, here's the Dreemurr boy himself! When he died, he wandered the Underground in his adult form (the form he traveled to Chara's village with when their Souls were fused) as a shadow more than anything, which I'll post here in a minute. As he watched over his family and the monsters and saw Toriel taking care of the fallen humans, he became jealous and resentful, thinking that his mother was just replacing him as if she had forgotten him completely. This is how he became evil and corrupted, but all that is solved when Frisk reaches out to him and helps him remember his sister Chara, and the Hate is expelled from him, but he's still in his adult form (except his robe is purple instead of black and his eyes are green like normal and he has no face stripes).

I'm also thinking that when Asriel regains his physical form, he imprisons Asgore and claims the throne as King of the Underground, having his Hyper Goners hunt down Frisk and her friends while the other monsters hide in Home, the old city.

Here's the goat parents, Toriel and Asgore! When she first met Frisk, Toriel felt as if she was looking at an old friend (Deja-Vu), and when Asgore met Frisk, he commented on how much she reminded him of Chara (remember the "same hope in your eyes" line?). The morning after Frisk and Asgore stopped fighting, Toriel at last made it to Frisk, and she and Asgore made up and got back together.

Sans and Papyrus are relatively the same, only they have tongues and Sans wears sneakers instead of slippers, and Papyrus becomes a little more mature near the end (but not enough to spoil his excitable personality) as Asriel makes himself known to the Underground and asserts himself as a threat. Undyne also appoints Papyrus as a Royal Guard to help them rise up against Asriel. They're the sons of Gaster, and their mom Bree is alive and well (I have yet to make a design for her) and she lives in New Home.

Undyne doesn't change very much, except she has a tail and arm fins because yes. She also turns into her Undying form to protect Frisk from Asriel. As for backstory, her parents were named Jainil and Adella, and they ran the Royal Guard before they died and she took their place (she was born after the Human-Monster War, not before).

Alphys doesn't change much either, except I gave her pants. She assisted Gaster in conducting the Determination experiments, so the Amalgamates were not entirely her fault, although she was still the one who injected the flower with Determination and unintentionally brought Flowey to life.

Mettaton doesn't change at all, he's still the same, except he changes into his NEO form to fight Asriel. Of course, he was a ghost like Napstablook, but then he became friends with Alphys and she gave him a robot body, and that's how he became a TV star.

Finally, there's Gaster and Shadow!Asriel. Gaster doesn't change much, except that he appears a bit more often and guides Frisk and Flowey through the True Lab. As for Shadow!Asriel, it's just Asriel's corrupted ghost form and he haunts Frisk throughout her entire journey, and is the one to taunt her at the end of the Ruins instead of Flowey.

Here's the draft for the cover of The Final Fall!

Here's the synopsis: 

The Angel, the Fallen One, the One Who Has Seen the Surface...She will return...and the Underground will go empty.

This is the prophecy of Frisk, a human girl who many would call "too determined for her own good". After climbing Mount Ebott and falling into a world of monsters, Frisk makes several friends and even gains a talking flower as a little brother. Every time she falls asleep in this new world, she has odd dreams of people from the past; they're familiar, but not recognizable. They feel like family, but Frisk never knew them. But nothing can prepare her for the end of her journey...or the secret that will change her life forever. 

Anyway, that's all for now, and I hope you guys like it! Let me know what you think about it!

@demonangelgirl134 @loki104-uwu @hey-imma-fangirl

[bequiteanddriveeeeeee]

I swear the cockroaches are there but I can't prove it because every time I take a double take it's gone or I feel them in my hair but then they aren't actually there, and also hearing them.

I think I lost too much of my sanity on the war against my cockroaches I'm afraid

I think the real cockroaches are the friends we made along the way

No but that’s pretty normal Luna makes me nervous I’m scared she’s lurking and will bite me/follow me to a room she shouldn’t be in/get out and I see her in the corner of my eyes a lot

Maybe take a few deep breaths and try to distract yourself

[vulpixhoney]

I'm definitely just yelling into the void but I'm sharing my Luke Castellan playlist (again) and analyzing some of my songs choices because I have. brain worms. about these books. so character study with music

I have like 8+ hours of song in this playlist bc I've been adding to it for years so here are some highlights I'm thinking about rn

1. would've could've should've - Taylor Swift

but like. it's for him and Kronos you know. "And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil. At nineteen" literally dancing with the devil at 19. Kronos has been manipulating Luke since he was 17, taking his anger at the gods and twisting it into something that Kronos could use and abuse. And I think (imo) that even before TLO when Luke sacrifices himself he starts to regret joining Kronos but is so far in it now he can't turn back. Like he was a kid, he was seventeen. And even after that he's still young. He dies at 23/24, I'm 23 right now and I can't imagine getting literally possessed and having to kill yourself bc you got manipulated at a young age and made terrible choices. also "If you never touched me, I would’ve. Gone along with the righteous" if Kronos didn't reach out to him and one of his worst moments this wouldn't have happened. Yes Luke was angry and vengeful and burning with rage for the gods but he wouldn't have gotten that far without Kronos

2. sanity - paramore

him and his descent/fall from grace, but also his relationship with Hermes and the rest of the gods. "If I fall on my knees, I hear you laughing. If I call out your name, you don't come" taking this for his relationship with the gods/Hermes: the first line is like, when he fails his quest and has to go confront them and feels like they're looking at him with pity. And they gave him a nothing quest too, it was something that had already been done by Heracles, he's being given this quest just for the sake of quest-giving, it's nothing. And then he fails, and feels like he's being mocked, mocked by the people he just wants to notice him. And then the second line shows how absent the gods are in their children's lives. When Luke confronts Hermes at 14/15 when on the run he gets mad because he would pray and call for Hermes to help him during his mom's episodes. He was a little boy calling out for help, for the something the gods caused. And it was crickets. Hermes never came, never showed, never helped him. He was just left there alone. And then also at camp, Luke was counselor of the Hermes cabin, where all the unclaimed children are shoved, to be forgotten about by the gods. "No one home, but the void is loud.Echoes around my empty house... This must be the void they always talk about" honestly I see this when he's possessed by Kronos. Like he has another being inside him, taking over, piloting his body over him. His consciousness was obviously still there bc Annabeth and Percy were able to help him break free and stop Kronos. So what was he doing, could he feel anything? Could he feel everything and not be able to do anything? It must have been terrifying, and again he would've only been like maybe 22? when Kronos possessed him

3. sidewalk chalk - Annalise Emerick

this one for me is like quintessential my feeling about Luke, Thalia, and Annabeth. In the song she sings about a childhood friend she no longer talks too but thinks about often thinks about and wishes well. I see this mostly with like Annabeth. "I'm living my dreams right now The ones we used to talk about" She grew up with him, and is now going to continue growing up without him. She probably blabbed about her dreams of being an architect the way that kids always do, and now she's the architect of Olympus and is doing really well for herself. And probably thinks back to when she was a kid with Luke and Thalia.

4. I don't like my mind - mitski

I think that his anger at the gods was driving him mad, but Kronos' influence really pushed over the edge. Also going back to before, his living in his body that another being has control over, "Inside the walls of my skull waiting for its turn to talk". Ethan tells Percy that he thinks Luke is still in there, fighting back, trying to regain control over his body and his mind. And since he definitely was, he was probably in there spiraling about how he got to that point and all that he'd done and who'd hr become. Because once Annabeth helps him break through he is obviously regretful and wants to atone. "so please don’t take, Take this job from me" job/life. but also, him working for Kronos at that point was all he had. Literally. His job for Kronos was his lite He had given everything up at that point, and Kronos would routinely threaten Luke if/when he fails. Punishing Luke with nightmares and then forcing Luke to take him as a host bc he failed during the Atlas plan.

rapid fire songs I put in the playlist that I think about a lot:

eat your young - Hozier (obviously. I mean the gods ya know)

day after tomorrow - Phoebe bridgers (he's a soldier)

save me - Noah kahan (even after everything he's done Annabeth still tries to save him)

used to be young - Miley Cyrus (he was seventeen)

bad believer - st. Vincent (he's blasphemous what can I say)

[gizmocrate-werecrow]

What to do when you are a leafling: my annoying friend.

(Ah the dilemma of wanting to Write more olimin chapters and wanting to write corps chapters.)

Dingo watched as the S.S. Beagle flew away alongside the onion. Pom offered him to come along with her but it just wasn't his thing. Dingo could feel a smile crawl onto his face as he walked away. 

DANDORI DANDORI DANDORI! WE SHALL ALWAYS DANDORI AND–

“SHUT UP!” Dingo screamed, everyone, even Shepherd, looked at him in shock. Dingo cringed to himself and could feel the thoughts subsiding once more. He silently prepared himself as Erma walked up to him. Dingo started to run. He climbed onto a rock and started to cry.

He could feel the thoughts coming back to him in a blast. Nothing but Dandori, he had to organize and save time, he had to…

“Hey? Are you okay Dingo?”

Dingo looked around and picked up Jack.

“N-no. I made a fool of myself. How come i seem to be the only one to resist the…well…the thoughts”

“The Connection meant to be like your comms man. We talk to each other and relay messages. So we can cooperate and survive. It's meant to keep us alive.” Jack chirruped. They held the toothpick with happy noises and did a few stabbing motions.

“Wait a moment, does that mean the Dandori thing isn't normal?”

“Dandori thoughts is a normal thing but at this strength. Does this mean someone is messing with it?” Jack said and tilted their head in curiosity. 

Dingo let out a long sigh. The thoughts slipped into his mind again. Begging him to simply do Dandori, find a cave, find a bunch of Pikmin and be a Dandori practitioner. Maybe he should give up…yeah that sounded great to do…Dandori…he should Dandori all the time.

“Dingo? If you’ve got any problems, let me know.” a voice said. Dingo could feel himself blush again, it was Erma again, what should he say? He looked up to see Erma’s lovely blue eyes. He could feel the Dandori thoughts slip away as he looked at her.

“I’ll let you kn-kn-know.” Dingo managed to stammer out before he felt faint, no he should keep himself awake. No screw it! He needed to tell her, he needed to tell her everything!

“You want to know what happened to me. I’ll tell you, it all started when Bernard and I crashed in a place with giant pink flowered trees.” 

–

Bernard wandered around the camp in a daze. The thoughts in his head he knew weren't his. But no matter how hard he tried, it seemed he couldn't reel them into his own sanity. Dandori is fun and the most efficient way to live life. If others were like him then maybe he would have not crashed. He never crashed in his life until now. 

“Santi…friend…why don't we…when the ONION lands…you get someone…and let them embrace DANDORI!” Bernard declared.

“Why–” Santi started

“Because if we make them embrace DANDORI…we can save everyone…if I did DANDORI earlier…the ship…wouldn't crash.”

Santi raised an eyebrow, as annoying as Bernard was, this was completely not his thing. 35 years of dealing with, avoiding and getting annoyed by Bernard has made him familiar with the positive ace pilot. 

“Bernard, are you okay?” Santi said with a hint of hesitation in his voice while light chittering began to echo in his head.

“I'm fine SANTI, I crashed the ship...I…” Bernard started, he hugged Santi tightly. Soft sobs began to sound from the pilot. Santi quietly dragged Bernard away from the general area around the base and to the rock. Oleander was sitting there and kicking their legs while Santi sat Bernard down. 

“Who is that?” Oleander said, coughing a bit of poison out.

“My rival…It’s okay…You can talk to me…Like you always do.” 

“Can you play your flute…for me?” Bernard weakly asked. He looked up with a smile as Santi took the frost covered flute out of his pack. Santi took a deep breath and began to play. Soft music danced around the air, bewitching the ears of those nearby. The thoughts in his head seemed to slip back into only his own. The soft whisperings of Dandori now seemed like a bad dream rather than a horrible reality. Bernard looked up with some sense of a smile on his face. 

“That…feels a bit better….I don't know what came over me.”

“No worries Bernard we’re…ack…Best friends after all.” Santi said with a pained smile that had a hint of warmth to it.

(my idea is that even though Santi finds Bernard annoying due to the whole fate thing. He still cares for Bernard…a little. While Bernard sees him as a genuine friend.)