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faunusrights · 6 years

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OFFAL HUNT REMASTER LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 9

oh goody!

well this is it. the Date Chapter. the chapter, in which, the Date happens. lowkey im so fucking hype for this stupid goddamn chapter AAAAAAAAAAAA this is when the sexy got kicked up about seven notches and i know its gonna be a fucking twenty from here on out so LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO

“Is this your date, Ms. Fall?” he asked.

Cinder didn’t look away from Glynda. “Mhm.”

STRAIGHT OUT OF THE GODDAMN GATE WE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A SECOND TO EVEN GATHER OURSELVES JUST STRAIGHT UP HUH!!!!!!!!! ‘is this your date’ im legally dead

What the fuck.

already im fucking THRIVING im so glad this chapter’s mood got encapsulated within the first ten seconds and im definitely gonna have to re-read this chapter for the full unannotated experience OOOOOOOOOH MY GOD IM SO READY

Glynda’s thoughts ricocheted inside her head like coins left in a dryer. A part of her couldn’t understand what was happening and disengaged. The rest of her, grasping for purchase in all this, reasoned that going with Cinder was better than staying here confused, alone, and utterly displaced.

glynda ‘i aint ever had a gf before’ goodwitch at her PEAK right here. like GOD shes gone from ‘cinder’s trying to murder me’ to ‘cinder just plopped me right into a date’ like CINDER. CINDER YR CHANGING GEARS SO FAST. YOU DIDNT EVEN SEND FLOWERS OR ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

is it because shes a u-haul lesbian or

Higher, Glynda realized the dress itself was backless, revealing the black tattoo she’d seen so often before, perfectly centered between sharp shoulder blades.

this gay energy is BONKERS, quite frankly??????? where did cinder get her dress from? why does she have it? did she buy it just for this fuckery? or will she pull the ‘i just had a this lil number laying around’ line????????? does she wanna seduce glynda to death?????? was this PLANNED OR DID SHE JUST DECIDE SHE WANTED A DATE AND WTH LIFE REALLY IS SHORT ON REMNANT THESE DAYS?????????? cinder fall please explain your workings to the class

maybe Glynda wasn’t the only one who’d become adept at reading her opponent.

👏 when 👏 will 👏 they 👏 kiss 👏 already 👏👏👏👏

me: this is a slowburn also me: if u assholes dont give me this in the next ten seconds-

“Unarmed? As if you could be so helpless.”

cinder’s style of flirting is just. commentating on a person’s deadliness. that’s IT it’s the only TRICK SHE HAS and its working, is the thing,

im reading the description of the table and remembering the shitpost and oh my god i have to draw this???? hell IS real!!!!!! COULDNT YALL JUST TOSS EM IN A PLAIN BOX,

Cinder eyed her from her bastion of dark cushions,

cinder, ass-deep in cushions: this is peak cuddle territory come and join me

Cinder, for her part, seemed delighted Glynda had noticed. Touching the pendant more gently than Glynda might have ever thought her capable of, Cinder said, “Yours? You didn’t seem to mind parting with it.”

im still deeply enjoying this powermove the novelty NEVER wears off (and at risk of light spoilers i do enjoy its place in this story 👀)

Cinder let the necklace drop, settling against the swell of her bust once more,

/lightly coughs 👀👀👀

im losing my MIND at how gay this bit is i physically cannot HANDLE IT and if they even describe the meal once im gonna pop off cause i am. SO HUNGRY RN. AAAAAAAAAAAA

Cinder indicated a dish of lamb and vegetables, served on a bed of rice and drizzled in some sort of sauce.

SRY THIS ISNT GAY BUT OH MY GOD IM SO HUNGRY I WANNA E A T I T THAT SOUNDS SO GOOD UGHGHGHGHGHGH WHY DID THIS CHAPTER HAVE TO BE TODAY OF ALL THE DAYS,

Glynda cleared her throat, working out: “The Grimm.”

like. GOD WE KNOW GLYNDA IS JUST SO FUNCTIONALLY BAD AT CONVERSATION BUT OF ALL THE THINGS glynda please just. just. stop thinking abt her sexy tattoos for a fifth of a second,

“You can control them.” A sedate blink. For all the world, Glynda might have just commented on the weather.

which is a faux pas for a date!!!!!!!!!!! at least tell her the DRESS IS SEXY WE ALL KNO WHATS WHAT YR THINKIN ABT

Glancing down as though it were being pointed out to her for the first time, Cinder shrugged and adjusted the end of the glove a little higher on her bicep. “And?”

a quick aside im enjoying how like... visually expressive cinder is in this remaster! i can see her facial expressions and her motions really clearly in my mind’s eye which is a fun little boon if only because i have to redraw this nonsense hjsgdfjhfksgd but cinder’s got a Good Face this time around! A QUALITY FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You should know by now, there’s something about you that’s simply irresistible to Grimm.”

HERE COMES THE PLOT (and a single surviving line so far... this one sentence has survived all the world could throw at it... we stan)

Cinder straightened, and Glynda saw that this was what she’d been waiting for.

“It isn’t every day the great Glynda Goodwitch kneels before her adversary, is it?”

HELLO??????????????????????????? WHATS THIS WORDING????????? honestly tho for a second i thought she meant like. quite literally and i thought id missed some PROPER SHIT RIGHT THERE BUT YEAH WTH!!!!!!! C I N D E R

“You cheated. You can’t beat me on your own.”

yes glynda we gathered that yr a top

“Really, Glynda? Poison?” she sneered, something like offense simmering in her expression. “After all this?”

looks at the camera

anyway,

god im literally losing grasp of words to say because theres such a charged mood in this scene............. theyre brushing fingers............ trading jabs.......... im slurpin it up babey!!!!!!!! this rly is the BEST remaster of this whole scene it DESERVES this wordcount!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Beat you,” Cinder corrected. “And call it a point of pride.”

yes cinder we gathered yr a brat,

this dynamic is why this fic is so fuckign good when will winter have a swift return to add even more fuckery to this wild ride

Then, with a heavy-lidded look, Cinder found Glynda’s hand between them, the touch so sudden and daring that Glynda flinched. The fabric of those gloves was smooth against Glynda’s flesh, and for all that cruelty had marked every other instance of contact between them, Cinder was surprisingly gentle.

whomp there go my nuts

WHAT IS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO MADE THE EXECUTIVE CHOICE TO ADD THIS LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO???????????? im losing my BRAINCELLS

What she wasn’t ready for was for Cinder to guide her hand to her own throat and hold it there.

THERE IS IT THERE’S THE KINK IT’S BEEN SPOTTED

oh my GOD what even IS THIS WHO ADDED THIS SECTION WHO ALLOWED THIS TO COME TO P A S S WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS RN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO????????? HEWWO??????????

Now… Now Cinder interested her.

tbh how can i liveblog this? what commentary can i POSSIBLY add that we arent already all THINKING. we just launched into a level of hell so deep that lucifers gonna have to pull some goddamn tricks to follow us down here!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS THIS SCENE! THIS MOMENT! IM SCREAMING

Glynda mirrored the expression back at him, and finally, he coughed, not making strong eye contact with either of them. He set their plate before them and hurried out without so much as a check-in.

i just KNEW that was gonna happen JHGDSFGJHKSDF he was gonna walk in on SMTHNG but i didnt think itd be CINDER’S CHOKING KINK,

okay i took a break and ate my weight in roast chicken and we’re back babey

Almost nervously, her fingers carded through her own dark hair, and there, among the locks, Glynda spotted a glimpse of something white, structured and ridged.

AND I AM INSTANTLY KNOCKED BACK UPON MY ASS 👈W👈H😨A👈T👈

It was easier to ignore the rest of it—whatever it was.

glynda you are a fool and a moron im withering into DUST

On no level had she expected those to be Glynda’s words.

then what... did she expect... well probably -- and rightly so -- ‘bitch WHAT ARE THOSE’ TBH

wait sorry i have to jump back because i forgot customary fingerguns on the most brazen bit of Shit yet:

Cinder was occupying herself with something else: the head of a dragon, perched over the door and staring down at the two of them with red, glossy eyes.

👈👈👈😎👈👈👈

okay BACK TO THE FIC

Fangs snapped together around the word.

aka back to me horni

/chanting TEETH! TEETH! TE

okay but the reason i doubled back to catch that fingergun is because we’re getting ass-deep into plot now!!!!!!!!!!! WITCHES AND DRAGONS BABEY......... HERE’S WHAT OFFAL HUNT IS ALL ABT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant rly drop more fingerguns than that because any astute reader will start realising the dots im shouting abt and honestly half the fun of this fic is the ride so >:3c

“Funny. I was sure he would have told you.”

that blow was so low i think cinder hit the concrete with that one

oh god theyre gonna get to the bit and i-

“Is that what all of this has been about? You called me here to remind me that I'm autistic?”

/SCREAMS

The words were delivered firmly, calmly, but Cinder’s response was the opposite, sudden upheaval seizing her. Her expression opened in something akin to panic. “Wh—no? What? No! That's not what I—”

/SCREAMS

oh my GOD CINDER YOU HAVE FUCKED UP LEGENDARILY!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD SHE WAS FELL ASS-FIRST ONTO A LANDMINE OH MY GOD

offal hunt v1 cinder: im totally in control and im playing glynda every step of the way

offal hunt v2 cinder: OH JESUS OH FUCK OH NO THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT-

Cinder seemed genuinely stressed now, speaking quicker as though trying to bury the last sixty seconds.

i knew this remaster would have sections that would blow me away but this bit really took the fcuking cake DGHSJFSJHFDG holy SHIT this is AMAZING

It was difficult to tell in the low light, but if Glynda wasn't mistaken, there was a bright flush of embarrassment coloring Cinder’s cheeks.

this is SUCH prime content hey remember in one of the early liveblogs that cinder would descend into full dork? WELL THE DESCENT CAME EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! /pops bottles

“Cinder.” There was a very real line of threat in Glynda’s tone. “Don’t.”

oh this whole scene just keeps getting better i am LOVING this dynamic now!!!!!!! before it was all pretty one-sided so having the conversation rock back and forth is 👌👌👌

That Witch soul of yours—it was designed to void out everything but the prey before you. To be numb to all human emotion. To focus on the hunt and nothing else.

finally the fruit of 50% of my fingerguns COMES TO LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! PLOT PLOT PLOT

“This is bullshit.” Jabbing an accusing finger at Cinder, Glynda said, “You’re a liar. You’re a criminal!”

i LOVE glyndas pottymouth in this its such a good like... change from her being strict and formal and teachery and now shes full on gremlin huntress hell YES BABY!!!!!!!!!! GO OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“There’s all kinds of things I bet he never told you.” Cinder continued. “Did you know he was close to your predecessor? The Witch who came before you—they were inseparable.”

SRY IM LIKE STRUGGLIN TO COMMENTATE because so much of this like. speaking as an Old-Ass Reader this is like. a LOT! A LOT HAS CHANGED and yet,,,, stayed the same,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, yall kids WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL CHAPTER LIKE................ 15 FOR THIS SHIT (but like. chapter 15 was different because this chapter used to be like chapter 7? so now everythings moved along so chapter 15 doesnt sound that impressive but trust me it was a different fic back then)

When they fell away, burnt and ruined, she could see Cinder’s bare arms for the first time. The red lines drawn across her skin sloped down the entire length of her arms, circling her elbows, carved into her wrists. They ended right at her hands, ensuring any long-sleeved garment would hide them. Every covered inch of her was filled like a canvas, like abstract art.

lets pause the fight scene for glynda to be gay!!!!! god im. okay look i said this earlier but im so glad we have more cinder like this tbh. the first version was rly lacking w/ cinder content until late-game when the plot sorta. got itself going? but now we’re eye-deep in this content i LOVE cinder i love this WEIRDO who is a HUGE LOSER and IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Glynda could not dispel the fear that she had been telling the truth.

and after committing Some Amount In Damages, we’re at the end of the chapter!

okay so i really enjoyed this version SO MUCH MORE. everything abt it was polished and worked together so much better and it really needed the space to breathe in its own chapter. its been horny, gay, intense, hilarious, and way more in one chapter and its SO good this really is PEAK offal hunt!!!!!!!!!!!! good job diesel and kc but im still going to murder you both,

#rwby #offal hunt #liveblog

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pepprs · 6 years

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[DONT RB] ok so there’s no way for me to talk abt this that isn’t gonna make me look like an absolute dumbass but im in the middle of a creative existential crisis and i rly need help figuring it out :•( this is gonna get SUPER LONG so im putting it under a readmore. thank u to anyone who reads this!!! and double thank u to anyone who can give some input / advice, i rly rly appreciate it. im sorry abt the length!

aight so for some background.... ive been drawing n writing poetry for abt 5 yrs now and both of those things r rly important to me. in school im an english major w a creative writing minor (for the poetry) and i work as a graphic designer (for the art) so ive been growing a lot as an artist and writer esp in the past 2 yrs and im kinda workin towards one or the other (or ideally both somehow!) as a career. one of the biggest dreams ive had since i started seriously pursuing both of these hobbies 5 yrs ago is to publish a book of poetry that i design / illustrate myself, and also to have a portfolio online where ppl can read all of my poetry and see all of my artwork (both professional / work stuff but also archives of all of my sketchbooks since those r rly important to me!!!) and maybe even make some sort of online shop where ppl can buy my art (stickers, keychains, etc!) and my poetry books!

that sounds pretty simple right? WRONG!!!!!! why? bc im a fucking idiot! and there are several dumb things i do that make this dream completely impossible for me to achieve! love that for me!

so for starters... ive been posting (almost) all of my art and ALL of my poetry online for all 5 yrs ive been creating it. that’s bad because:

ive hardly ever used my real name (which i would want to use for the book / shop / portfolio), it’s been under my usernames / aliases that go along w them (p*pe, pep, pea, etc and related usernames that shall not be mentioned) and i started going by my real first name only abt a yr ago, but still maintain those usernames for the most part in conjunction w my real name

my work has been primarily been posted to d*viantart and tumblr which aren’t exactly the most uh... professional places to do that. not that there rly are many i guess lmao but still

my online persona on these platforms is rly like. lax and loose which is Cool And Quirky when brought into a professional setting if it’s done right i guess.... but im just immature and unprofessional. i swear all the time, i shitpost constantly, im incessantly tmi? and that’s not even it like it’s just a whole mess!

SO there’s that whole set of problems and like im just concerned because... i stopped posting art online last yr for the most part and a lot of the old stuff that’s on dA (since that was rly where i did it most) is bad and not worth sharing like that anyways, so im not as worried abt that. but my poetry.... i still actively post that online in all my messiness and candidness here and like. it’s rly not that hard to find me? like if u copy a poem of mine and put it in google it’ll pull up my dA right away! and that’s like.... GOD i just am embarrassed for anyone irl to see that or for that to be connected with my irl / professional self in the future, but i don’t want to stop posting my work there (or here!!!!!) bc the community is so supportive and ive made some rly good connections / built a lot of traction over the 5 yrs ive been doing it. (PLUS for the online portfolio i wanna do specifically... i kinda want to post all of my art and poetry there, like everything ive ever done (specifically poetry, ive written almost 500 poems over the 5 yrs ive been doing it!), but i feel like that’s not rly the most professional thing to do and idk how to even gauge whether it is or not :-/)

but that’s not all!!!! because there’s another part to this and that is: the very nature of the content i produce is Not Good! for my art it’s not as much of a problem bc since I work as an artist rn a lot of what i make is professional, but for my personal art... a lot of that is either self portraits or my characters and a lot of my characters are like. animals. like specifically pepe (who is basically Me As A Cat).... i draw her constantly and so much of my best work is of her but it’s just like? embarrassing i guess for my ocs to take up so much of my portfolio and sketchbooks and stuff and share that. like i know everyone has characters and it’s not bad to do that and share that but i feel like ppl will judge me :-( so it’s made me rly hesitant to post stuff to my art ig for example bc i just don’t fucking know how to act, like it’s bad enough that i can’t type the way i want to and i have to type in proper caps n whatever instead bc irls i don’t know / trust as well follow me (including some ppl from work? Yikes?)....... but i feel like i can’t share my sketchbook stuff for example bc it’s all cats and my characters and visual shitposts and im uncomfy to share that bc like... im almost 20 and i don’t want ppl to think im immature or whatever? i kno i should feel like it’s my account and i can post wot i want but like. i fucking can’t bro i just can’t!!

and THEN.... my poetry. that’s the biggie bc like for my art? even tho im uncomfortable i don’t mind sharing that w ppl i know irl but for my POETRY.... it’s very easy to find like where i share that i guess? (the google thing i mentioned earlier but also its linked to my art on here and dA too... f) but i literally never actively share my writing w irl ppl unless im performing @ an open mic or workshopping in class bc im fucking terrified of the possibility of irl ppl finding my poetry. it’s almost ironic how public ive been w it online but how private i am abt it irl... it’s like im living a double life and it’s fucking terrible but it’s the only way i feel safe. bc like art is what i do for other ppl and also to destress and vent when i need a quick fix on my own time. but poetry.... that’s personal, it’s where i feel most like myself, it’s how i talk abt my life and ppl in it and make meaning of things and talk abt things authentically and Get Deep. and my literal worst nightmare is for ppl (who have the explicit ability to by virtue of Knowing Me) to read into it and Understand what im talking abt and have that power over me and see me differently for feeling the way i do or doing what i do. ive actually already been burned by this before after my mom read some work of mine that had been published irl (i don’t want to get too into it but basically i retroactively outed myself thru her reading that poem for what it was and it was Very Very Bad) and as paranoid abt it as i was before, it’s even worse now that it’s actually happened to me and could happen again at any time, esp if i decide to take my work further.

that manifests in a few ways too, like my writing is so cryptic and vague and very heavy on metaphors / symbolism and shit partially out of that deep fear and need to shield myself and my work. sometimes in spaces where i do feel comfy sharing, ppl have a hard time understanding my poetry unless i give context. online and on stage and in workshop ppl don’t rly know me outside of a context where the only thing we have in common is self expression thru poetry, so i don’t rly mind sharing more when it’s appropriate. but if i were to share my work as a book or w/e, ppl im close to (who maybe don’t always think like a poet / artist does bc they aren’t that) would want to buy it and read it and might ask abt what it means and i don’t even know what i would do in that situation. and if ppl were to read my work and see themselves / others in it, whether it is abt them or not, im scared it could genuinely damage relationships like it did with my mom.

SO UH.... idk where im going w this rly, i kno it’s long and rambly and melodramatic and im probably overthinking it and making a mountain out of a molehill and nobody even knows / cares abt me AND my work @ the same time enough to read That Deep into it. but it just fucking sucks that im so uncomfortable and insecure that i can’t comfortably fulfill literally the one single long term goal / life dream that i have. andthe thing that sucks is i can’t talk to Anybody abt this except like... my sister and brother bc they’re the only ppl i genuinely tell everything to, but they don’t have the knowledge and expertise abt art / poetry that like... my poetry prof does, for example. and my poetry prof is one of the best ppl ive ever met and the Only person ive ever met irl who respects and understands my poetry in the exact way i need someone to. she and i have been talking and she rly wants to help me publish my poetry bc she sees merit in my work and knows how bad i want to / how successful it’s been already, but i don’t know how to talk abt this to her bc im embarrassed to tell her abt posting online and being ashamed abt my muses and all that and it just!!! sucks so much bc i kinda want to publish my work @ least once before i graduate and do it semi regularly for the rest of my life? but there’s so much in my way and it’s just! FGGFHDGJGGGG

#purrs #DONT RB #lms if u read please!!!#ALSO!!!! i sound so dumb but i rly hope i didnt offend anyone.... i dont judge anyone but myself for the stuff i do and as for being uncomfy #w sharing my work.... its literally not u its me and my deep dissatisfaction w who i am as a person. and in a perfect world i would b comfy #sharing things abt my life w other ppl but im not and its on me and not bc of anyone else (w the exception of my mom lel)#i guess the aquarius moon rly did jump out 😔#god i feel so dumb and mean and conceited for posting this but if anyone has suggestions / advice / anything rly i rly appreciate it!#and thank u so much to anyone who took tje time to read this @ all bc like. its a lot i kno im just. a lot

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avianhaven · 7 years

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im gonna make a few more nitpicky krr posts just to get it all outta my system sry every1: post 1, abt uh imperialism ig this ended up being the topic

so krr is hm, overtly racist as if u couldnt tell that just from the overt imperialist overtones, what w the original artist being boring and making every1 rly pale and shit par that one manga easter island? character in the revealing outfit. also some weird episode involving india? that i dont think ive seen but just from the look of it seems.....bad. also minorly this keroland chara (tho i think most of those characters were made by kids so hm), also maybe that weird afro thing they do, etc.

but yeah anyway Especially the overt imperialist overtones, which like yeah just the concept i get and it’s a comedy i also get but still these things are just never addressed and it’s never rly the imperialism itself that’s played as a joke u kno? fucking rising sun flag in the first opening. and that one backstory ep when b4 first coming to earth, ep 260 maybe? it’s liget war propagonda, a parade televised b4 going off to invade and conquer like...hmm. also them getting info abt the planet theyre gonna conquer that’s mostly misinformed- >video games “they have combat training from such a young age? how barbaric” >them having gross misinformed opinions themselves, “i knew they were primitive but i didnt realize just how much so”, etc. it’s idk weird and i get they developed from that second pt but it’s still hmmmm like i feel these r things to be addressed even only slightly again i get it’s explicitly a comedy but there’s a lot of potential depth right there! u dont even have to dig it’s explicit. hm more stuff -all the kr kids being from military families? well grr and keroro at least, not drr, but still ! fucking training kids from a young age, brain washed. the platoon doesnt even rly have a good reason for wanting to invade earth/pekopon/whatever it’s sort of a “just bc we have to” thing. also derailing to talk abt dororo bc i have a bias, but uh dororo b4 coming to earth he explicitly says he’s so happy he came to earth bc he literally would not be the same person had he not, he makes it very apparent he was not happy being an assassin, it was bad, totally toxic environment, yadda yadda. that jirara ep where even the leader of the assassins defects bc he hated it too! but it’s just never brought up again i dont think?? it’s brain washing is what it is also making dororo like...a liberal. dororo wanting to protect the “peace” when he has such stringent morals uh no dororo look to the left buddy. that episode where they plant flowers illegally and they all get destroyed bc they didnt have a permit? dororo n koyuki are def the environmental terrorist types. guerilla gardening. stealing the food grocery stores throw away and freely distributing it. that kinda free range anarchy. koyuki’s ninja village was a working example of communism. hey separate note but by this logic saburo is an anarchist. keroro gunsou political alignment chart- ANYWAY yeah uh. yeah as i’ve said krr is like....deep it has a lot of worldbuilding that’s just Never expanded upon in favor of friendship and gags, which i dont mind, and uhh sexualizing middle school girls, which i do very much mind. c’est la vie?

#tiatext #me standing ankle deep in a shallow kiddie pool: it Could be that deep #krr overanalysis #mine

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resilientreader · 5 years

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1-98 for asks like we did a million years ago, I dare you

i knew the MOMENT i saw the notif in my inbox that it was gonna be YOU pulling this shit and i crossed my fingers when actually clicking, HOPING i wouldnt have to answer all 98, maybe you’ll be tame this time, but no! this is what you’re doing to me. and ykno what, Fine. u dare me and i Will do it. i hope u rb the asks post so i can do it to u too, tho

1. coffee mugs

2. chocolate bars

3. bubblegum

4. that smart student who always read instead of actually paying attention

5. soda from glass cups is the best

6. its hard to just Decide between all these styles so ill say which one applies to mine most, which i Gotta say has to b preppy even if i want like goth or grunge to b mixed in

7. headphones

8. good omens, fmab, castlevania, uhhhh. those are just the ones ive watched so far this summer

9. my grandparents’ home. which is kinda weird but i have a lot of summer memories there

10. i sucked at like Everything in p.e., there Was no best

11. leftovers

12. i cant choose a favorite playlist?? /some/ of them, tho, are soar my ethereal heart, neither here nor there, mountainside storms, and sync of my heartbeat. so like any of my more recent ones

13. lanyard

14. i had to google a list for this bc honestly i always eat just chocolates but i like starburst

15. fahrenheit 451 was a rly fun read. ray bradbury’s writing gave me inspo for metaphors and writing and such and it was rly nice

16. sprawled across one of those comfy armchairs where i can swing my legs over one arm n lay my head on the other one

17. my black converse

18. cool temperature and rain without storms, or a cloudy day that lets me take a nice walk

19. on my side if i can but on my back otherwise

20. on my laptop, in google docs, to be more specific

21. winnie the pooh

22. idk?? i try not to look to just one person for a source of “this is how i should be”, so i guess,,,, a mix of family members and then a couple like more famous ppl??? which would basically consist of one of my aunts, my dad, and jenna marbles, to keep my Brain Process for role model stuff simplified

23. i dunno if any of the habits i have are strange?? i bounce my right leg and my right hand kinda. like. shakes when im nervous. i cant rly think of anything else i do tho i Know i probably have other habits

24. amethyst or pyrite

25. ur really just assuming my memory is good enough for this but if i had to say, it’d be any popular song from 2009 specifically

26. hide in my room with a fan and ac

27. read with a blanket wrapped around me or smth

28. atlas: six by sleeping at last, flaws by bastille, atlas: five by sleeping at last, she by dodie, and neptune by sleeping at last. there are probably more/better ones but those are the first ones i found

29. listen. be open with me. talk with me. not to sound like that person, but sharing ur life secrets is a rly big ice breaker for me because it helps let me know i can trust u. but also idk im a really awkward person and can accidentally distance myself from ppl so when ppl notice theres smth up w me or even do the bare minimum of doing Their part to maintain a friendship, that’s always rad as shit when idk how to communicate what i need

30. my room, my high school’s auditorium, the local barnes and noble

31. black boots, black jeans, any button-up shirt that’ll match that combination OR a really cool sweatshirt

32. im a bad bitch, you cant kill me. road work ahead? uh, i sure hope it does. it is wednesday, my dudes! welcome to chili’s. i love you, bitch, and i ain’t ever gonna stop loving you, bitch.

33. probably “omg” or “oh my god”

34. sc johnson. a family company.

35. i dont even have one but on a good night like 10-11

36. the troll face memes

37. suitcases feel much more organized

38. lemonade

39. lemon cake

40. ummmmm....one time a tech/theatre kid left a paint can sitting out in the open accidentally and a person took a shit in it or smth then knocked over the can, spilled a bunch of paint, and tried to clean it up w a broom and proceeded to like snap the broom in half. then they ran away to leave the kids to clean it up the next day. i wasnt actually there for that but ive heard the story firsthand enough times to Know

41. my dad

42. jacket pockets

43. hoodie is what i wear, tho everything else is Very Good

44. lavender

45. fantasy, my dudes

46. this set of pjs i got for xmas w a soft tshirt and matching baggy flannel pants

47. colby jack

48. uhhh a banana?? i could probably give a better answer if i was more

49. i dont rly live by a quote or saying, i just Go for it

50. my sister has probably done smth before to like Break me

51. everything ever but mostly myself

52. arial

53. uhhh...kinda worn? my nails aren’t doin so good and i have a couple scratches and stuff that Still havent healed after a few weeks

54. get a move on

55. the ugly duckling

56. tradition is kinda vague but i like that it became tradition for me and my siblings to go to my grandparents’ home every summer

57. i think im still overcoming like everything ive been faced with ever

58. writing? listening, helping, giving advice. idk tbh like talents who?

59. "jesus christ, my dude”

60. a fantasy/comedy, or at least if its gonna be fantasy with death and stuff, it should be dope as fuck

61. "isn’t vulnerability the opposite of being in control?” from a webcomic called aerial magic. super simple but the entire scene leading up to it,,,,,so good

62. umm fuck! i dont kno whether favs r usually ones that i relate to or ones that i wanna b like but??? keith from voltron, jirou from bnha, chromedome and/or rewind from transformers/mtmte, sypha from castlevania, and jayfeather from warriors

63. planetary (go!) by mcr, the seed by aurora, hayloft by mother mother, the cup/halloween blues from relient k, choke by i dont know how but they found me

64. coolmath was THE shit

65. yes! two on my leg from a surgery i had to get to realign my femur, bc i snapped the bone in half

66. lavender, snowdrops, hibiscus

67. i dont really have any, mostly bc i have a hard time attaching like. That sorta meaning to just random objects, but i do still have a small teddy bear stashed safely away in my room from when i was a little babee

68. pickle-flavored pringles. disgusting. would not recommend

69. lions’ roars can be heard up to 5 miles away from the original source

70. right handed

71. horizontal stripes, i guess? there’s not much wrong with them but i just Never wear them

72. math

73. i dont usually eat /weird/ flavor combos, even tho ill eat basically anything, but i like ketchup in mac and cheese sometimes. or fries in shakes. chicken and waffles. stuff like that

74. 11

75. idek honestly, my memory is too bad

76. hashbrowns

77. i dont kno a Lot of plants off the top of my head other than the Basic ones but literally any flower in a windowsill is like bone apple teeth in my mind

78. sushi from a grocery store. publix taught me that grocery stores can, in fact, be trusted when needed

79. my school id photo

80. earth tones

81. fireflies

82. pc

83. writing

84. talk radio is nostalgic but podcasts are always more entertaining to actually listen to

84. polly pocket

85. mythology with a dash of fairytales

86. cupcakes, because of my dog’s name

87. abandonment

88. to grow unbreakable attachments with everyone i care very deeply about and grow into an old age with them, or something

89. i feel like answering this question totally honestly would hurt ppl’s feelings, but also i literally could think of like 4 people to put down for this and i’m bad at deciding, esp w smth like this, so. not to b vague but These People kno who they are

90. becoming a part of a certain website with a bad crowd and managing to pick out the good apples in such a rotten batch

91. boxes

92. lamps /and/ fairy lights

93. i dont rly have any but my parents call me hannah banana. that’s ab it, tho

94. fall/winter? it kinda is inconsistent because fall has bad weather in florida but winter is when like everything has Gone Wrong in life these past few years, but then fall has such a GOOD aesthetic and my birthday is in winter, so they’re pretty even rn

95. uhhh??? thats such a weird thing, to try and assign a “favorite” app, but the only thing i could think to say would be spotify just bc i use it so much on my phone, even if the app itself isnt the greatest

96. i havent set one, actually, bc im lazy and havent found anything that’d fit

97. 2 and a half

98. the part where fish were learning that they could walk on land

#asks #resilientspeaker #trying to put this under read more #but either tumblr doesnt let asks to do that or its not showing me anything #either way if this Does show to b a long post sorry ab that

0 notes

kwonhozhi · 8 years

Text

Everybody Needs A Nervy B Now And Then

Bitch In A Uniform

On the verge of turning 18, grown-up-to-be James sets his sights on the new girl at school, “gorgeous sex-god” Lily, bass player for the Stiff Dylans. Unfortunately Lily appears to already be dating James’ evil archrival: the greasy and bitter Snape. With his ridiculously named cat Sir Jeremy and his band of brothers, the Ace Gang, by his side, James sets his mad schemes in motion to nab a snogtastic girlfriend and have the best birthday party ever.

it’s here !!!! its here despite my computer shitting itself and drawing a total blank on a title and not being able to leave it alone its HERE we MADE IT

my eternal love to @alrightevans and also @alrightpotter @prongsyouignoramus and @gxldentrio

AO3

James Potter to Ace Gang: cnt believe u wankers fucking abandoned me

Remus Lupin: james we were RIGHT THERE

James Potter: NOT DRESSED AS HORS D’OEVRES

Sirius Black: it’s spelled hors d’oeuvres

James Potter: i think you’ll find its spelled ‘betrayal’

James Potter: why did you all bail???????????????

Peter Pettigrew: Mum wouldn’t let me go as a cocktail sausage, seeing as she’s veggo and all

Sirius Black: jam you KNO yellow washes me out idk what you were thinking trying to make me be a cheese and pineapple stick

Remus Lupin: i’ll square idk how the fuck i was supposed to be a vol-au-vent

James Potter changed the group name to Betrayal Gang.

Sirius Black changed James Potter’s nickname to olive boi.

Sirius Black to James Potter: u should have been at mine 2 minutes ago

Sirius Black: wher r u

James Potter: coming

James Potter: was talking to mum and dad abt my party

Sirius Black: howd it go

James Potter: :///////:

Sirius Black: double ended :/

James Potter: yeah.

Sirius Black to Ace Gang: just saw snape on the way to bio. god hes so wet up close

James Potter: wearer of the wettest haircut known to humanity thy name is snape

Peter Pettigrew: Omg i kno i saw it this morning like imagine turning up for the first day like that

James Potter: youd think hed have least timed his yearly bath to coincide with the start of school

Remus Lupin: you guys shouldn’t be so mean about him

Remus Lupin: im just kidding can you imagine

James Potter to petition for dumbledore to make a rule about school bathing regulations: lupin we all saw u go off with that bird at break

James Potter: whats the 411 lil mama

James Potter: whats the hot goss

Remus Lupin: nothing, she’s the new exchange student i was showing her around

Sirius Black: sure

James Potter: that hickey under your collar get there by itself did it

Remus Lupin: we’re not talking about this

Peter Pettigrew: Guys shut up i have English and McG is giving me the worst look

Sirius Black to now taking bets for how long it takes sirius to get a detention off mcgonagall: where have you and the swedish girl got to on the snogging scale???

Remus Lupin: shes danish

Remus Lupin: and what the fuck is the snogging scale

James Potter: me and siri invented it

James Potter: 1) holding hands 2) arm around 3) good-night kiss 4) kiss lasting over three minutes without a breath 5) open mouth kissing 6) tongues 7) upper body fondling—outdoors 8) upper body fondling—indoors (in bed) 9) below waist activity 10) the full monty

Remus Lupin: why am i friends with either of you

Sirius Black: we were thirteen

James Potter: oh so suddenly now that you’re 18 you’re too COOL for the snogging scale????????

Peter Pettigrew: CAN YOU STOP HAVING IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS WHILE IM IN CLASS WITH MCGONAGALL

Sirius Black: o i thought this was the chat without peter

Peter Pettigrew: Fuck off

Peter Pettigrew to Remus Lupin: You don’t really have a chat without me do you ?????

Peter Pettigrew: ??????????????????

Peter Pettigrew: Remus

James Potter to Ace Gang: NEW GIRL ALERT

Peter Pettigrew: Yeah, we’ve already seen her. You were there when we walked in on lupin in that EXTREMELY compromising position

Remus Lupin: if you don’t drop it im leaving the chat

James Potter: NOT HER

James Potter: ANOTHER ONE

James Potter: SHES FRIENDS WITH ALICE THE LAUGH

James Potter: SHES THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

Sirius Black: you walked in on remus doing HWAT

Remus Lupin has left the chat.

James Potter has added Remus Lupin to the chat.

James Potter: THIS IS IMPORTANT

James Potter: WE NEED A PLAN

James Potter: HOW DO I GET HER TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME

Peter Pettigrew: Maybe say hello to her

James Potter: WHAT

Remus Lupin: pete don’t be ridiculous. james would NEVER do something that easy and straightforward

James Potter: i am having a CRISIS here

Sirius Black: please tell me what you walked in on remus doing with the danish girl

Remus Lupin has left the chat.

James Potter added Remus Lupin to the chat.

James Potter: everyone is on intel until further notice

Peter Pettigrew: Yeah okay

Remus Lupin: alright

Sirius Black changed the group name to Lupin’s Nonspecific But Indisputable Lovers’ Tryst With Eddie Redmayne.

Remus Lupin has left the chat.

Remus Lupin to Ace Gang and don’t you dare change it sirius black: her name’s Lily Evans

Remus Lupin: Marlene McKinnon says she just moved here from Derby

James Potter: omg remus i could kiss you

Remus Lupin: Mar also said her family’s opened an organic shop on high st

Sirius Black: how nutritious

James Potter: no one asked you

James Potter to Sirius Black: what categories have you come up with for the physical attractiveness test

Sirius Black: skin hair eyes nose figure mouth teeth

Sirius Black: all out of ten

James Potter: fab ill do up a table in word now and go to the library first thing at break to print us 4 copies

Sirius Black: marvy

James Potter to sirius no one is going to dare you to hack into the school and play gasolina over the loudspeaker at assembly on monday so stop angling for it: which of you fuckers gave me a 3 for my eyes

Sirius Black: it was purely based on their functionality

Sirius Black: you can barely see without ur glasses

Sirius Black: very poor eyes

James Potter: so it wasn’t abt how i look

Sirius Black: i didn’t say that

James Potter: sirius uve rly hurt me

James Potter: what about the 4 for my mouth

Sirius Black: that one was bc you ordered pineapple on the pizza

James Potter: i told u it was an ACCIDENT

Remus Lupin: im retrospectively docking 2 points off every single category for both of you

Peter Pettigrew: Im docking 3

Remus Lupin to Ace Gang: have to ditch saturday afternoon lads

Sirius Black: um why

Peter Pettigrew: Yeah whats more important than season six of the simpsons

Remus Lupin: i got a job

Sirius Black: where

Remus Lupin: Evans’ Organic Trade

James Potter: YOU GOT A JOB IN EVANS’ SHOP AND YOU DIDNT THINK TO TELL ME

Remus Lupin: im literally telling you right now dickhead

Remus Lupin: also it’s time travel

Sirius Black: it is NOT time travel it is CLEARLY an alternate universe you dithering FOOL

Peter Pettigrew: You’re both wrong its a time loop

James Potter changed the group name to donnie darko is BANNED from the group discourse.

Peter Pettigrew: Just because YOU thought it was a dream

Sirius Black to Friends Of James Potter Support Group: OMG

Sirius Black: PETTIGREW I CANT BELIEVE UR MISSING THIS

Peter Pettigrew: Whats happening tell meeee

Sirius Black: we just went into lupins shop

Sirius Black: evans wasn’t even here

Sirius Black: she just came out with a cup of tea for lupin and james ACTUALLY screamed,,,,,,,,,,,, evans almost dropped the mug

Sirius Black: lupin just introduced us and shes given him this look like “they better not be loitering” so hes selling me onions so she doesn’t kick us out

Sirius Black: lupin i dont want these and i shant pay for them

Sirius Black: evans is trying to talk to prongs but hes just giving her heart eyes

Sirius Black: she just asked if hes in her french class and he SQUEAKED

Sirius Black: day 13. james has still not spoken a word of english to evans

Sirius Black: day 27. hes said “mfngggg” instead of yes the stupid git

Peter Pettigrew: Fucking hell im still in this stupid mother son bonding thing for another half hour

Sirius Black: MOTHER SON BONDING

Sirius Black: siri set a reminder to mock peter later

Sirius Black: lupin just took the tea and evans has revealed shes in a BAND

Sirius Black: prongs has found his voice (!) and hes making the aziz ansari :D face which, unfortunately, makes him look like a total prat

Peter Pettigrew: Rookie error

Sirius Black: she just told him they’re called the stiff dylans and he just nodded really seriously and said “great name” im going to knock him out if only to stop him embarrassing himself further the stupid git

Sirius Black: fun facts about lily evans: she plays bass and she thinks james has brain damage probably

Sirius Black: JAMES JUST INADVERTENTLY TOLD HER SHE HAS REALLY BIG HANDS AND SHE WAS DEADASS LIKE

Sirius Black: “……………………okay”

Peter Pettigrew: BIG HANDS

Sirius Black: HER CAT just came out and prongs has jumped on the opportunity my boy he did it he managed to steer his way onto a topic he knows something about

Sirius Black: more fun facts about lily evans: her cat is called elizabeth bennet and she thinks james has brain damage definitely

Sirius Black: evans laughed at “we just call him sir jeremy but his real name is sir jeremy cattington the third, prince of purrsia and king under the meowntain” thank god

Sirius Black: he told her about how he used to take sir jeremy on walks by the beach but he ate his collar and his lead why is he like this

Sirius Black: prongs my man you sound like an eharmony profile gone wrong

Sirius Black: she mentioned hr sister,,,,,,,,,,,petunia

Sirius Black: the evans parents had a thing for matching names me and evans have so much in common

Sirius Black: FLEAMONT JUST WALKED IN PETE I CANT BELIEVE U ARENT HERE I SWEAR TO GOD YOU COULD NOT WRITE THIS

Peter Pettigrew: Noooo omg

Sirius Black: monty: “james????? what are you doing here? you hate vegetbles”

Sirius Black: james: “haha dad you’re so funny but of course i LOVE vegetables as we all know”

Sirius Black: monty: “james. the last time your mother tried to serve you broccoli you threatened to run away from home”

Sirius Black: james: “haha i was a picky kid, wasn’t i”

Sirius Black: monty deadass just looked right at evans and said “james that was wednesday” that man is my Hero

Sirius Black: lupin literally ducked behind the counter so prongs couldn’t see him laughing the lucky git prongs is glaring daggers at me

Sirius Black: evans is giving him the WORST pitying look omg poor jam he looks like he did when chelsea lost the final last year

Sirius Black: evans is gone holy shit i cant believe u missed this pete

Peter Pettigrew: :(

James Potter to Sirius Black: how am i ever going to be able to face her again ??????

James Potter: i love my dad but he can be so beyond the valley of the thick sometimes

Sirius Black: he wasnt that bad

Sirius Black: i dont think evans even took any notice

James Potter: are u SURE my dad hasnt ruined it ????

Sirius Black: j

Sirius Black: it was reaaaally fab

James Potter: fabbity fab?

Sirius Black: with knobs on.

Sirius Black: besides im sure evans will understand

Sirius Black: all parents say stupid things sometimes

Sirius Black: shell probably like u more bc shell feel bad uve got a dad who’s BEYOND bonkerdom

James Potter: you’re right

Sirius Black: i kno :~)

James Potter: i love you but don’t ever send me that face again

Peter Pettigrew to James Potter: I can’t believe you told evans she has big hands

James Potter: you werent even THERE

Remus Lupin to Ace Gang :~): anyone seen black

James Potter: hes in detention

Remus Lupin: what for this time

James Potter: handing out onions at assembly

Peter Pettigrew: The onions from sunday??

Sirius Black: no peter, a completely different set of onions

Peter Pettigrew changed the group name to Sirius stop being mean to me.

James Potter to everyone be meaner than usual to peter: what the fuck is evans doing with snivellus

Sirius Black: wot

Peter Pettigrew: We just walked past them and it looked Really Bad

Peter Pettigrew: She was holding his hand

James Potter: what the FUCK has he got going on that i dont

James Potter: this is fucking ridiculous. snape. who the fuck does he think he is

Remus Lupin: ill see what i can find out at work on monday

James Potter to Peter Pettigrew: is it weird to like evans’ band on fb if we’re not friends

Peter Pettigrew: Just fucking add her dude

Sirius Black to James Potter: look ive been doing some thinking and if u rly want 2 impress evans ur gonna have 2 up ur snogging game

James Potter: what the fuck

Sirius Black: dont argue im the best judge of this

Sirius Black: ur like. ok at kissing but i feel like u could b better

Sirius Black: there’s a kid on andy’s block who does snogging lessons after school his name is frank and hes a 7 maybe 7 and a half if u don’t wear ur glasses

James Potter: what is wrong with u

Sirius Black: u say that like ur not gonna look into it

James Potter: fuck off

Peter Pettigrew to the queen does NOT wear a 44DD: Hes just gone in

Peter Pettigrew: Cant believe neither of you came you missed OUT

Remus Lupin: what happened

Peter Pettigrew: He knocked on the door and this bloke came out and like. Objectively and all but he is Fit™

Peter Pettigrew: And he looked prongs up and down and was like

Peter Pettigrew: "I dont usually do boys but christ if you dont look like the saddest git ive ever seen"

Peter Pettigrew: I gave him a thumbs up on the way in

Remus Lupin: cant believe i missed it

Sirius Black: how did u get the tm thing like that

Peter Pettigrew: Copy it and save it as a keyboard shortcut

Sirius Black: ™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™

Peter Pettigrew: Stop

Sirius Black: no™

Remus Lupin: what have you done

Sirius Black to James Potter: so its like THAT is it ??????????? my kissing not good enough for you ?????????

James Potter: babe

James Potter: ur my first kiss ull always hold a special spot in my heart

Sirius Black: i need time

James Potter: YOU’RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME ABOUT LONGBOTTOM IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU TWIT

James Potter, Snogging Sensation to i, sirius black, am giving james potter the cold shoulder: he put on careless whisper

Sirius Black: WHAT

Sirius Black changed to group name to i, sirius black, am now only giving james potter the lukewarm shoulder.

James Potter, Snogging Sensation: and hes from saliva CITY hes got nothing on u babe i promise

Sirius Black changed the group name to in light of new information, james potter and i, sirius black, have reconciled.

Remus Lupin changed the group name to Ace Gang.

Sirius Black: buzzkill

James Potter to gasolina is a Bad Song: mum’s got a promotion???????

Remus Lupin: tell her congrats

James Potter: it’s back in india though??????????????

Remus Lupin: oh

Sirius Black: you’re not moving are you

James Potter: i honestly don’t know

James Potter: im freaking out

James Potter: come round please

Peter Pettigrew: Holy shit

Peter Pettigrew: Ill pick everyone up

James Potter: they’re ruining my life and they still won’t let me have a party

James Potter to Rip in pieces james’ life in england: i have a plan

Remus Lupin: here we go

James Potter changed the group name to don’t message me in that tone of voice lupin.

Sirius Black: whats the plan

James Potter: evans likes cats. i like cats. i have a cat. and if that cat got lost i would be distraught. and if evans knew how upset i was shed help me find him.

Sirius Black: but sir jeremy isnt lost

James Potter: evans doesnt know that OBVIOUSLY

James Potter: honestly sirius sometimes i think youre half boy half turnip

Remus Lupin: jesus christ

James Potter changed the group name to im warning you lupin.

James Potter: i “””lose””” sir jeremy but you lot have him at the park then when u see us coming u let him loose and evans will chase him down and shell feel like a hero and shell get so caught up in the euphoria of the moment that shell kiss me and realise that we’re perfect for each other

Remus Lupin: ur insane

James Potter removed Remus Lupin from the chat.

Peter Pettigrew: You GUYS you KNOW im in english right now

Sirius Black: ffs peter just turn your phone on do not disturb when ur in mcg’s class

Peter Pettigrew: But i always forget to turn it back

James Potter to Sirius Black: i went round her shop but she said she was too busy helping her mum

Sirius Black: rip™

Lily Evans has sent you a friend request. Accept / Decline

Lily Evans to James Potter: begged off work. kno id be devo if i lost lizzy. wher r u?

James Potter: the beach

Lily Evans: be there asap x

James Potter to Sirius Black: plans back on

Sirius Black: oh okay

Sirius Black: small prob™ sir jeremy actually got loose

James Potter: she ended her message with an x

James Potter: does this mean she likes me

James Potter: wait WHAT

James Potter to Lily Evans: thanks so much for your help on sunday

Lily Evans: it was my pleasure. even if your cat IS mental.

James Potter: im telling him you said that

Lily Evans: noooooooooo

James Potter: so

Lily Evans: ominous.

James Potter: are you glad you moved to eastbourne?

Lily Evans: i guess. it's pretty chill

Lily Evans: have u always lived here?

James Potter: yeah

James Potter: its called gods waiting room

James Potter: because people come here to die

Lily Evans: ur being dramatic.

Lily Evans: i heard eastbournes the new brighton.

James Potter: yeah

James Potter: as if

Lily Evans: idk i like it here. its more peaceful than derby and the beach is soo good for ~song writing inspo~

James Potter: what do you write ur songs abt ?

Lily Evans: idk. life

Lily Evans: the universe

Lily Evans: how reality tv’s brainwashing us

James Potter: wow

Lily Evans: ikr

James Potter: careful, you’re starting to sound like my dad

Lily Evans: i dont mind so much, your dad’s pretty cool.

James Potter: ????

Lily Evans: he comes into the shop a lot.

James Potter: oh my god

James Potter: promise you wont take anything he says about me seriously

Lily Evans: no problem aha

James Potter: what about your dad? does he work in the shop too?

Lily Evans: no, he’s :/

Lily Evans: he died.

James Potter: oh. im so sorry, lily.

Lily Evans: its okay. its why my mum moved us out here and opened up the shop.

Lily Evans: she always wanted one

Lily Evans: eastbourne is such a step back from derby and i like it because it means me and petunia can keep an eye on her you know?

James Potter: i think i understand why you like it here

James Potter to evans showed prongs her O face: mum and dad are fighting about india again

Remus Lupin: fuck

Sirius Black: ):

Peter Pettigrew: )):

Sirius Black: stop trying to one up me, pettigrew

Frank Longbottom has sent you a friend request. Accept / Decline

James Potter to longbottom has the hots for prongs: mum’s just left

James Potter: so thats that then

Peter Pettigrew: Drinks at mine?

James Potter: yeah

James Potter to Remus Lupin: will you mention how shit snape is and how good i am when ur on shift with evans today

Remus Lupin: no you sad git i will not

James Potter: remus i LOVE her

James Potter: ill buy you a twix from the vending machine

Remus Lupin: alright

Sirius Black changed the group name to twix are grim.

Remus Lupin changed the group name to twix are grim but not as grim as curly wurlys.

Sirius Black: you’ve really hurt me, lupin

Remus Lupin: good.

James Potter to Remus Lupin: ???????????

James Potter: ur off shift now did you talk abt me ???????

Remus Lupin: no

Remus Lupin: and i already ate the twix so dont ask for it back

Peter Pettigrew to evans thinks snape is a clingy sod #confirmed: Watch out prongs

James Potter: for what

Remus Lupin: for that, i assume

Sirius Black: im in lunch detention what happened

Remus Lupin: longbottom’s making a come on at james

Sirius Black: McYikes

Remus Lupin: “why havent you accepted my friend request?” – longbottom

Remus Lupin: “because were not friends” – james

Sirius Black: james ur gonna get urself decked one day

Sirius Black: so can u stop being a little shit when im not around to watch thanks

James Potter: no promises

Remus Lupin to twin peaks season 3 fan theories club: sirius can you link me to that compilation video of diego luna saying he wants to touch jabba the hut

Remus Lupin: i want to show it to lily at work this afternoon

Sirius Black: ya sure

Sirius Black: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGKrc3A6HHM

Remus Lupin: if i follow that link and it isnt to the video i asked for im not going to be your partner for the history assignment

Sirius Black: ………………..

Sirius Black: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDU3PojzaHk

Remus Lupin: thank you

Peter Pettigrew changed the group name to Gasolina is banned from the group playlist.

James Potter to Gasolina (INCLUDING all derivative remixes reimaginings and covers) is banned from the group playlist: EVANS LIKES STAR WARS

James Potter: ???!?!?!?!??!!!!!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

Remus Lupin: james that was three hours ago get with the times

James Potter: but i was at P R A C T I C E

Sirius Black: too bad so sad

Remus Lupin to Peter Pettigrew: WHOA

Peter Pettigrew: U watching from chem window?????

Remus Lupin: ya what just happened??????????????????

Peter Pettigrew: Snape tripped up james on the way to goal

Remus Lupin: is he ok??????

Peter Pettigrew: Hes got a bloody nose but hes okay

Remus Lupin: i meant snape

Peter Pettigrew: O na

Peter Pettigrew: I think james is gonna murder him lol

Sirius Black to marauding fools quote unquote minnie mcgonagall: mary mcdonald in the year below is having a party tomorrow night n i charmed her into giving us all invites

Sirius Black: well, she invited ME and i guess u lads can come as my collective date

Remus Lupin: im already invited

James Potter: me too

Peter Pettigrew: She invited me three weeks ago

Sirius Black: i got invited after PETTIGREW ????????? who the fuck

Sirius Black: Im Not Going™

Remus Lupin: yes u are

Peter Pettigrew: Yes u are

James Potter: yes u are

Sirius Black: Yes I Am™

Peter Pettigrew to Ace Gang: Why did you tell her i lost a SOCK ??????

Remus Lupin changed the group name to kickstarter to find peter’s missing third sock.

James Potter: i had to say SOMETHING

Remus Lupin: james, ever ridiculous under pressure

James Potter: besides, YOU’RE the one who pushed us behind a bush as if she would have thought it was weird that we at SCHOOL

Peter Pettigrew: I panicked

Peter Pettigrew: Lily said she thought snape tripping you was a dick move though

James Potter: trying to distract me by mentioning evans, huh???

Peter Pettigrew: Is it working

James Potter: i wish i could say no

Remus Lupin: id like to point out lily also said you should go up for the school team

Remus Lupin: so she clearly doesn’t care enough about you to know that you’re already. captain

Sirius Black: lupin stop being a flaky bitch

Sirius Black: thats my job

Peter Pettigrew to pres at james’ because its closest to mary’s NOT because its in any way a superior house to any other house accessible 2 the group: Did i just hear ur dad call u a minger

James Potter: if u have 2 ask u already kno the answer

Sirius Black: In Fleamont We Trust™

Sirius Black to party boiis: PRONGS IS THAT YOU OUTSIDE WITH FRANK LONGBOTTOM

James Potter: he fucking ambushed me

James Potter: evans didn’t see did she ?????????????????????????

Peter Pettigrew: Nah dont think so

Sirius Black: hes lying she absolutely did

James Potter: fuck this im going home

Remus Lupin to Sirius Black: i swear to god if you’re the one who just put on gasolina im blocking you

Sirius Black: (:

Remus Lupin: we arent friends

Remus Lupin to James Potter: me and lily are going to the pool this afternoon

Remus Lupin: 2:30pm

Remus Lupin: in case you wanted to coincidentally turn up

James Potter: what so i can aggravate her by drowning snape?

Remus Lupin: snape isnt coming

James Potter: oh. why not?

Remus Lupin: probably afraid of water

James Potter: explains why he never washes

Remus Lupin: lmao

James Potter to Sirius Black: me and moony are going to the pool and you’re coming

Sirius Black: as in the public pool????????

James Potter: obvi

Sirius Black: excusez-moi, c’est très grotesque

Sirius Black: im NOT going to the public pool little kids pee in that and the chlorine makes my hair go all frizzy

James Potter: i cant believe you’re abandoning me, your best friend, in his time of greatest need

Sirius Black: and you say IM dramatic

Remus Lupin to Ace Gang: what happened after we left yesterday???????

James Potter: idk it was weird

James Potter: we did handstands and she made fun of my pale legs ): then she tried to drown me but in like a ~playful~ way

James Potter: and i told her im not with frank longbottom in any capacity and she said “well that’s good then”

James Potter: and then she kissed me

Sirius Black: SHE KISSED YOU

Sirius Black changed the group name to EVANS KISSED JAMES EVANS KISSED JAMES EVANS KISSED JAMES EVANS ! KISSED ! JAMES !.

Remus Lupin: get in !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peter Pettigrew: Result omg

James Potter: but then she said she had to go sort some stuff out and that she’d text me

Remus Lupin: oh, james

James Potter to Sirius Black: evans should text soon then that’s sorted and we should step up the party plans

James Potter: we’ve got so much left to sort

James Potter: venue, fashion statements, colour scheme

Sirius Black: you should do black and white

James Potter: ! marvy

James Potter to Remus Lupin: what does it mean when a girl kisses you and says she’ll text you does it mean she’ll /text you or does it mean she’ll message you on facebook

James Potter: because there’s a big difference

James Potter: remus ???????????????????????????

Remus Lupin: james its 4 in the morning

James Potter: so???????? ur awake arent u ???????????????? what does it mean ??????

James Potter: remus uve kissed the most girls u have to know

James Potter: remus

James Potter: remus please

Frank Longbottom has sent you a friend request. Accept / Decline

James Potter to Sirius Black: i need a drink

Sirius Black: what happened????

Sirius Black: im omw btw

James Potter: mum called and she wants me and dad to move out to india with her

James Potter: dad doesnt want to go but he also doesnt want to be away from mum any more im freaking out siri i might actually move back to india what the fuck

James Potter: and on top of that longbottom showed up at my house and tried to apologise how did he even get my address

Sirius Black: im here come open the door

Alice theLaugh to James Potter: is it tru that ur gay?

James Potter: idk i dont reckon

Alice theLaugh: didnt think u were, lily said u werent

James Potter: really? what did she say ???????????

Alice theLaugh: just that she knows 4 sure u arent

Alice theLaugh: are u going to the stiff dylans gig saturday?

James Potter: not sure yet

James Potter to Sirius Black: she kissed me and then left me on read at 3:45

Sirius Black: aw :/

James Potter: shut the fuck up

James Potter: she didn’t even tell me abt her gig in brighton

James Potter to james’ wet dream about evans: sirius i cannot believe you told my father about lily evans

Sirius Black: thats not fair

Sirius Black: u kno monty has an uncanny ability to get info out of me

Sirius Black changed James Potter’s nickname to the naff boy who had the sad party that no one went to.

the naff boy who had the sad party that no one went to: stop taking advantage of my vulnerability !

Remus Lupin to Everyone sign up for hindi on duolingo out of solidarity to james: watch out lads james has his plan face on

Remus Lupin: brace for impact

Peter Pettigrew: Oh geez

James Potter: fuck off then lupin i wont tell u then

James Potter removed Remus Lupin from the chat.

James Potter: now that we’re alone

James Potter: im gonna make evans jealous

Peter Pettigrew: Im afraid to ask how

James Potter: im going with alice the laugh to the stiff dylans gig

Sirius Black: christ james that’s pretty shitty

Sirius Black: that was lupin

Sirius Black: i say first, what could possibly go wrong

Sirius Black: second, what the fuck is alice the laugh’s real last name

Sirius Black: ive known her for 6 years and i dont know what it is

Peter Pettigrew to Friends Of James Potter Support Group: Say aye if ur completely unsurprised to learn i just overheard james respond to alice the laugh telling him he looks good tonight with “thanks, you’re very honest”

Sirius Black: aye

Remus Lupin: aye

Peter Pettigrew: “Alice you make me laugh like a loon on loon tablets”

Sirius Black: #yikes

Sirius Black: i have the shot

Remus Lupin: take it

Alice theLaugh to James Potter: i had a great time tonight

James Potter: haha me too

Alice theLaugh: best night of my life x

James Potter: o.k. see you at school on monday

Lily Evans to Sirius Black: so ur the one who put on gasolina at mary mcdonald’s party.

Sirius Black: what makes u say that ?

Lily Evans: you shouted “play gasolina” no less than 11 times last night.

Sirius Black: that doesnt sound like me

Sirius Black: are u sure it wasnt lupin ?

Sirius Black: that worldly bastard he sure does love puerto rican music

Lily Evans: i just texted him and he said “im surprised sirius even knows what puerto rico is”.

Sirius Black: fucker

Sirius Black to James Potter: oi cheer up

Sirius Black: what are you thinking about?

James Potter: poor alice

James Potter: i keep seeing her face when she tried to kiss me

James Potter: god i feel like such an arse for leading her on

James Potter to Alice theLaugh: you okay? you looked pretty upset in maths

Alice theLaugh: hope your plan worked

James Potter: what?

Alice theLaugh: marlene mckinnon overheard black telling lupin that you only went out with me to make lily jealous

Alice theLaugh: you’re a heartless user

Alice theLaugh: what you did, that’s just pants, that is

James Potter: i’m really sorry, alice

Alice theLaugh: i really thought you thought i was a laugh

Sirius Black to James Potter: i told you im sorry

Sirius Black: are you really going to ignore me over this

Sirius Black: like for real james pull your head out of your arse for twenty seconds and realise how shitty you’re being

Sirius Black: all your scheming and pretending

Sirius Black: honestly it’s no wonder evans never fucking texted you

James Potter: don’t talk to me again.

Lily Evans to James Potter: you’ve really pissed off a lot of people.

Lily Evans: alice is really cut up. she’s my mate, james.

James Potter: i didnt mean to use her.

James Potter: you never texted me when you said you would

Lily Evans: i handled it really badly, i know

Lily Evans: things got messy

Lily Evans: i didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

James Potter: so you were thinking of breaking up with snape and then you were gonna text me?

Lily Evans: lmao what

Lily Evans: severus and i aren’t together.

James Potter: but you hold his hand

Lily Evans: i hold marlene’s had too but that doesnt mean im dating her.

Lily Evans: you know how much he hates you and it makes it hard, james, but yeah, i was gonna text you.

Lily Evans: and then i saw you with alice at my gig and i was gutted.

Lily Evans: but that’s different now.

Lily Evans: i thought YOU were different than that james but you’re not, you’re just some fuck off rich kid who only thinks about himself.

Lily Evans: i think it’s probably best if you don’t message me again.

James Potter to Remus Lupin: had a talk with lily. turns out shes not actually with snape.

Remus Lupin: i actually do not care, james. work things out with sirius or fuck off.

James Potter to Peter Pettigrew: i think i might have just gotten my mum fired

Peter Pettigrew: Go on, i guess

James Potter: i went to her office and talked to her boss and i think i just made things worse

Peter Pettigrew: Yeah, you’re getting pretty good at that

James Potter: i guess i am, yeah.

James Potter: im cancelling the party and ive told dad i want to move to india

James Potter: if either of the others ask

Peter Pettigrew: I’ll pass it on.

James Potter to Lily Evans: hi.

James Potter: i know you didn’t want me to message you again and i don’t blame you for that but i have to say this and then it’s done.

James Potter: what you said really hurt, but you were right. it wasnt me. it was beyond pants, and i really am sorry. i messed everything up with you, and with alice and with sirius and i guess i just got caught up in my own idea of how our lives should be and i got carried away

Lily Evans: i cut all ties with severus last night.

James Potter: oh.

Lily Evans: yeah.

Lily Evans: you know, i wrote a song about you.

James Potter: really?

Lily Evans: its called Bitch In A Uniform.

Lily Evans: i wrote it when i was pissed off with you.

Lily Evans: but i still like you, james. even though you’re mental.

James Potter: no you don’t

Lily Evans: i do.

Lily Evans: i cant stop thinking about you. i was hoping

Lily Evans: maybe

Lily Evans: we can go out?

James Potter: oh, fuck

Lily Evans: ?

James Potter: im moving to india

Lily Evans: what the fuck is wrong with you

Lily Evans: you’re so

Lily Evans: random

James Potter: 100% legit this time.

Lily Evans: that’s a goddamn shame.

Lily Evans: im at the beach if you wanted to come hang out.

James Potter to Sirius Black: feels really shitty without you

James Potter: im so so sorry

James Potter: can you ever forgive me?

Sirius Black: ur gonna have to buy me at least 16 curly wurlys

James Potter: its done.

Sirius Black: happy birthday you massive tosser xxx

joe to the jonas brothers: operation stun-the-pants-off-james-with-an-amazing-surprise-party is a go

joe changed the group name to Friends Of James Potter Support Group.

nick: oh thank GOD

kevin: I was wondering how long you’d hold out

nick: you’re both so stupid

James Potter to prongs is finally legal ;): cant believe all you wankers are busy tonight

James Potter: like i know we were all in a fight but you ALL have plans ????????

James Potter: dad’s taken pity on me and is taking me to a club this is the saddest 18th ever

Remus Lupin: sry fam

Peter Pettigrew: Lol

JAMES POTTER’S SUPER SECRET 18TH BIRTHDAY PARTY Private º Hosted by Sirius Black and 2 others.

312 going º 167 maybe 27 March 19:30 – 28 March 8:00

Details james is a prat but hes our best friend so lets all get together and show him that being legal to drink doesnt take away the fun of it !! event will have an open bar courtesy of mr & mrs p

theme is black and white !

only one rule : DONT TELL JAMES ABOUT IT anyone who does will be blacklisted from the party loool good luck telling your grandkids about how you didn’t get to come to the most important party of our generation

Peter Pettigrew to Fleamont Potter: The eagle has landed i repeat the eagle has landed

Fleamont Potter: Thanks son :~) Jem’s going to be so excited to see his mum.

Fleamont Potter: We’re up on the balcony by the bar, send her our way :~)

Peter Pettigrew: Will do, sarge

Lily Evans: happy birthday xxx hope you like ur present.

James Potter: my present?

James Potter: OH MY GOD

James Potter: YOU WROTE ME A SONG ?!?!?!

James Potter: lily evans i honestly think i love you

Marlene McKinnon to Remus Lupin: we can’t hear properly from up the back what did snape just say

Remus Lupin: “james potter is a girl-nabbing letch who can’t keep his slutty minx hands off other peoples’ girlfriends”

Marlene McKinnon: WHAT

Remus Lupin: “you’re just a big fat minging minger with horridious eyesight and the opposite of a haircut”

Remus Lupin: don’t worry, black’s filming the whole thing im sure it’ll be on youtube asap

Sirius Black to Ace Gang except all of us are legal™ now: id be lying if i said i remembered anything past monty and effy swing dancing

Remus Lupin: im fairly certain i walked in on frank longbottom and alice the laugh fucking in the mens

Remus Lupin: but i, too, am fuzzy on the details

Peter Pettigrew: I woke up at the lido. No idea how i got there

Remus Lupin: i just found this in my camera roll

Remus Lupin set a photo.

Peter Pettigrew: What the fuck

Remus Lupin: i have no memory of taking this and im glad of that fact because the camerawork here is shameful

James Potter: YOU’RE KIDDING

James Potter: YOU DON’T REMEMBER PETER FINDING A RAT IN THE BINS BEHIND THE CRICKET CLUB

James Potter: AND NAMING IT INIGO MONTOYA

James Potter: PETER YOU STILL HAD IT WHEN I LEFT YOU FOUR HOURS LATER

Peter Pettigrew: I mean that definitely sounds like me

James Potter changed Peter Pettigrew’s nickname to cryptid: ratboii.

cryptid: ratboii: Cheers

cryptid: ratboii: Where did you get to, anyway?

James Potter: me and evans went to the beach

Remus Lupin: cuuuuuute

Sirius Black: and you didnt invite ME

James Potter: sirius you were passed out by 11 o clock

Sirius Black: WHAT

James Potter: yeah, evans poured you a quadruple shot of jager after you played gasolina through your iphone six times in a row

Sirius Black: you convinced me to drink JAGER??????????!?!?!?!??!!!!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?

James Potter: i told you it was sambuca black and somehow that was okay with you

Sirius Black: wtf™

James Potter added a life event. DIDN’T move to India 56 likes

James Potter commented: love reacts only pls

Peter Pettigrew commented: A N G E R Y R E A C T

James Potter replied to Peter Pettigrew’s comment: ???????

Peter Pettigrew to James Potter: I did duolingo every day even though ur not actually moving and im not gonna let it go to waste

Peter Pettigrew: बकरी मेरी प्रेमिका है

James Potter: peter you know i. cant read hindi i can only speak it right

Peter Pettigrew: ):

James Potter: i showed mum and she laughed and said it was cute

Peter Pettigrew: (:

Sirius Black shared a video to James Potter’s timeline: “Stiff Dylans performance interrupted by GREASY RACIST exclusive”

Lily Evans commented: tag urself im the girlfriend

Remus Lupin commented: im peter in the background trying to get out of the shot but sirius keeps moving so hes still in frame

Sirius Black commented: im prongs’s slutty minx hands

James Potter commented: im the look on snapes face when lily kisses me

Peter Pettigrew commented: Im james drawing attention to the fact he conned lily into kissing him because he thinks weve all somehow missed him telling us every two seconds for the last three days

James Potter is in a relationship with Lily Evans. 346 likes

Peter Pettigrew commented: Love react

Sirius Black commented: jealous react

Remus Lupin commented: L O V E R E A C T

#jily #james potter #lily evans #jily*#harry potter #hp #fic #angus thongs au #angus thongs and perfect snogging #ataps #my writing

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