#me and my dad never had a very solid relationship

[sunofmoon]

.

[yarasdead]

dad!noah on tour.

cw. fem!reader, established relationship (married), children, fluff, angst, hurt & comfort, noah is a girl dad, baby's name is mallory, inaccurate talk of being a parent & touring

a/n. *cracks knuckles* making my writing return with a tear jerker :') i had a different thought with this one that involved less angst, but my mind just decided against it lolz!!! the ending is a little bad, but i hope everyone enjoys <3

dad!noah being away on tour from you and your nine month old baby girl, mallory, for a few weeks now. and you can't lie it's hard, you love seeing noah pursue his dreams, he comes alive on stage performing in front of hundreds, thousands of people. but, he also comes alive when he's with his baby girl, doing the most mundane things with her, from starting solids a few months ago, reading her stories, singing to her around the house, taking her to the park, he just shines as dad. and you feel guilty for wanting him to just be a dad, not also a performer who's selling out venues.

you try not to replay the chaos scene of noah leaving for tour in your head over and over again.

"daddy misses you very much, baby girl." noah coos over over the face time. you propped your phone up with the pillows in the bed so it would be leveled with mallory's eye line. smiling softly at the interaction as she bounces happily at the sound of his voice. a far too energetic for a baby in the morning.

"i miss mama, too. where is she mal, where's mama?"

"i'm right here." picking up the phone from the spot to bring it in front of you, your tired grin matching noah's.

"how was the show last night?" a question that's asked without a fail after each show, partially because you love to here noah beam about the shows and the fans, and the other because you simply just love to hear him talk.

"talking about the show can wait. i want to know how you are, mama?" noah diverts.

you start to formulate an answer in your head when you get a baby's fist to the gut, groaning as mallory climbs her way on top of you. adjusting her in your arms so the both of you are in frame. noah's attention flipping from you to mallory for a second, cooing and smiling at her, enticing a string of giggles from her.

you can't ruin this by telling him about the day you had yesterday, from the fussiness of mallory of her denying any bottle you give her so you had to breast feed her despite you wanting to completely ween her off, to the crying fits of her in her crib anytime you set her down for her nap times, the clutter fuck of your work and the spilling your coffee on important papers. you'd much rather lie. "i'm okay." giving your best small smile you can.

noah's eyes flicker up from mallory to you, shifting in his seat while his gaze stays on you.

"you don't look okay."

"ouch."

"you know that isn't what i meant, baby. your eyes are puffy."

shit. you know exactly what he's insinuating at.

"it's my allergies." another lie.

"bullshit."

fake gasping. "our daughter is right here, noah." you joke doing your best to cover her ears with just one hand, trying to worm your way out of noah's demand.

"the word bullshit from from out our daughters mouth is the least of my concerns. are you going to tell me what's up? please, baby?"

you bite down on your lip, gnawing at the plush skin as you look down at your daughter who looks up at you when you brush back her bed head. her big doe eyes looking up at you with nothing but wonder, while you look back with such adoration. motherhood never fails to amaze you at how some days make you want scream like you never have before while others fill you with such joy.

the both of you being up for barely an hour before noah called you. the time zone in the east being ahead than the west so noah already looks like he's put together for the day, while you contemplate even wanting to get ready for the day yourself after yesterday. caressing mallory's head as it falls into your chest from smoothing at her hair. looking back up at your phone you're met with noah's sweet gaze, it never fails to make your heart flutter. but you know you can't not tell him anything.

"it's hard." is all you say, but you see how those two words effect noah. a slight frown appearing on his face and his shoulders dropping.

"i know. and i'm sorry."

"don't be."

"but i am. i'm here across the country while you're at home with with mal. i should be home too."

"please, don't beat yourself up."

"how can i not when you say you're having a hard time?"

"i knew it was going to be hard regardless. but, i can't tell you to not do what you love, noah." you argue.

"if you told me not to do the tour i wouldn't have."

his words hit you like a truck, and they make you feel even worse for wanting to say them all those weeks ago. "that's selfish. not only to you, but the guys, and your fans."

"i don't care. i care about you and mallory. the guys would've understood, they were a little shocked that you were okay with it. and my love for the fans are immense, i'm grateful for them. but i'm forever grateful for you. i don't love anything more than i love you and mallory, and anyone who says shit about me wanting to be home with my girls can fuck off. don't ever feel selfish for wanting me."

you blink back the tears, wiping at a few that fell down your cheeks. a hand playing with the wisp of hair at the nape of mallory's neck, sitting on the new pile of confessions, not knowing what to say.

"next week we have two back to back shows at the same venue and then a day off, why don't you and mal fly out and it'll be a family day?"

you smile, a genuine one. "noah-" you start, a hand tiny hand clasping over your mouth, mallory making her presence known again between her parents as noah lets out a laugh from over the phone. taking her chubby hand in yours to raise it down from your mouth. "you'd love that too wouldn't you? you miss daddy just as much, huh?" your tone switching as you address mallory, bouncing her in your lap as she babbles out.

"i'd love family day."

[hibiscuslovecandles]

✧˖°DIGITAL GIRL✧˖°|BSD X DDLC

Genre:Fluff,crack,AU,GN!Reader,Angst?

Warnings: Suicide,Murder,Yandere,Might be ooc this was one of the first fics i wrote, not proofread, Let me know if there's any warning I missed!

Note:I don't usually write like at all so just letting you know to not expect more of this from my account I'm just trying to get this out my notes app man give me a break it's been there too long

🐅The childhood best friend

🐅Atsushi was the cute boy who lived in the orphanage a few blocks down that you’d occasionally see through the orphanage gates .

🐅You'd usually see him when your parents would send you to the convenient store for sweets or when you were walking to a friend's house.

🐅He always looked….So tired,Like he was just dragging himself around,You didn't understand why.

🐅Your parents were walking with you one time and saw him in the courtyard of the orphanage and immediately tensed at the sight of him and started speed walking out of discomfort due to his….worrying appearance.

🐅Your first ever interaction with Atsushi was when your parents gave you money for candy and when you were on your home you stopped infront of the gate when you saw Atsushi.

🐅You got closer to the gate an called out to him: “Psssst” while waving him over to you,He limped his over to you and once he was close enough you put your arm through the gate bars and dropped a piece of candy in his hands.

🐅And that's how the friendship between you and Atsushi started!Whenever you'd see him you'd call him over and just chat with him and depending if your parents gave you enough money or not you'd get him his own candy instead of a piece of yours.

🐅As a kid you never really understood why the candy meant so much to him,Didn't the orphanage give him treats?What's so special about what you're doing?

🐅He’d always panic a little when you'd give him his own candy and immediately shove it into his mouth and let out a hushed “Thank you”

🐅You were eight. You didn't understand why he stopped showing up to the gate when you told him to ask the orphanage director if he could come out to play with you.Did he get adopted?Was he was actually grounded forever?Did he get mad at you?

🐅You never found out why.Two months into not seeing your friend Atsushi your parents broke the news that you'd be moving a good 13 hours away.Your dad had lost his job and your mom's job didn't make enough to support all of you so your parents were going to move in with your grandparents.

🐅You cried for hours when you found out you were gonna be leaving home and leaving all your friends behind.Your teacher and classmates held a goodbye party for you,Your neighborhood friends said bye,Atsushi didn't say goodbye. You waited outside the gate the day before the move to tell him but he never showed up.

🐅You moved in with your grandparents and were upset with moving for like two weeks but just like kids do you quickly got over it and moved on when you became interested in something else.Occasionally looking back at 9 years ago and all your memories of Atsushi you realize how…malnourished he looked…no wonder he was grateful for the candy you'd give him…

🐅18 years old and your parents break the news that their moving back to your childhood neighborhood…WHAT!?IT WAS OKAY TO MOVE WHEN YOU WERE EIGHT SINCE YOU WERE YOUNG AND DIDN'T HAVE THAT SOLID OF RELATIONSHIPS BUT NOW?YOUR LAST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL?FUCKING BULLSHIT.

🐅Moving back was a struggle,You were away from your actual friends and you had to resettle down,You weren't really social and just wanted to get through this school year so you can move back and be with your actual friends.

🐅Until you saw a very familiar boy on the train to school…It was Atsushi the skinny orphan.

🐅When you both got off the train you both thought you'd walk in different directions and never see eachother again.WRONG!You both go to the same school so you both walked in the same direction.There was an uncomfortable silence between the two of you the entire walk to school.Luckily the two of you had different homerooms and wouldn't need to see eachother….until school ended.

🐅You walked out of school and was texting your mom on your phone letting her know how school went when a hand grabs your bag to stop you.

🐅It was Atsushi!He wanted to catch up after school at the park,Out of intrigue(And also because you just moved therefore have nothing else better to do) you agreed.

🐅Whem the two of you met up at the park you caught up on eachothers lives,You found out why he never showed up at the gate again…..No food,No lights,No water,No interaction,for weeks until he understood he was forbidden to see you again….You were disturbed by this. You told him how before you moved you waited outside to tell him and he began profusely apologizing for not showing up and you had to explain to him how its not his fault.

🐅The two of you went to a store near the park together and got yourselves a sweet treat.

🐅After this it became routine for the two of you to go to the park after school to just hang out and at the end of your hangout to get something sugary to eat. It was nice to eat with him and talk with him not through a gate.

🐅There were times where Atsushi would spend the night at your house,Usually after he had a panic attack,so he could calm down since your presence soothes him.He’ll just lay in your bed with you crying until he slowly mellows out and falls asleep with you.Your parents have gotten used to his presence at the house though they do feel guilty for having misjudged him when he was younger.He really is a nice boy!

🐅It was one of those nights and you woke up on time ready for school instead of waking him up you decided to just let him sleep in your bed so you could do your morning routine.He was still asleep by the time you were finished…..Oh well!And off to school you headed off!

🐅You were about ten blocks in before you heard the sound of shoes slapping against pavement behind you and immediately knew who it was.Atsushi trying to catch up to you with one shoe untied,only his left arm in his uniform jacket,and a orange in his right hand that was on your kitchen counter. You stopped walking to watch him pull himself together as he babbled about some literature club he wanted you to join.

🐅He was trying to convince you to join,despite your reluctance due to your lack of interest in writing, all the way to the train station until he mentioned there would be cupcakes and tea!Hell yeah you're coming!

🐅He waited for you outside your classroom so you both could walk to club together!On your way to club you found out he's the vice president of the club no wonder he wanted you to join -.- 🐅He introduced you to the other club members: The….eccentric Dazai,The calm Chuuya,and the charismatic club president Fyodor

🐅Writing poems with them is interesting enough.Atsushi really likes writing poems about food it seems haha!

🐅….Tf you mean the school festival is coming up soon and we gotta get ready for that🧍🏽‍♂️

🐅Sorry Atsushi that I can't go home with you and hang out with at park and eat!I have to make sure Dazai doesn't kill himself after school!Maybe next time….You say for fourth time this week

🐅After taking care of some business for the school festival you're finally on your way home!It's pretty damn dark out,The street lights are on and everything,You check your phone and see it's 8:30…You aren't gonna get any homework done.

🐅You turn around when you feel a hand on your shoulder, it's Atsushi,He ends up walking you home.

🐅On your way home the two of you discussed you helping the others for the festival,During this entire conversation his eyes were…glassy like he wanted to cry,then suddenly he started apologizing profusely while crying into the crook of your neck with his hands gripping the sleeves of your uniform where he confessed that it hurts him how selfish his love for you is…

🐅You both went your separate ways.

🐅“Good morning-……Atsushi?”

🦀The boy in homeroom

🦀First day of senior year in a new school yay…Atleast he kept you entertained enough.

🦀When you walked into your homeroom class for the first time your main objective was: SURVIVE. Sure you saw a few people from your elementary school you could talk to but its been a good 10 years so they probably forgot your existence, created way stronger friendships, and created solid dynamics with eachother so what was the point on socializing with them?That's the reason why you didn't interact with Atsushi on the way to school.The goal is to graduate and immediately move back to your grandparents where your real friends are so its best to just sit all the way in the back of the class and hope you're still able to read from the board.

🦀Unfortunately you ended up sitting behind a complete weirdo. The moment you sat down behind his head immediately turned to look at you,Lept from his seat,On one knee askung you out.

🦀And based on your classmates reactions of: Looking at you and the weirdo wrapped in bandages for 3 seconds then going back to what they were doing and completely not acknowledging what he just did you can assume this is a regular occurrence.

🦀This’ll be fun.

🦀When the first period teacher walked in he immediately asked Dazai to stop his behavior towards you and just rubbed his face with his hands with a mumble of how he hates his job. Thats how you found out the boy's name was Dazai.

🦀The teacher got the class seated and had you introduce yourself properly and gave you a heads up that he has expectations for you that you will meet when you take his class.

🦀It was kinda hard to pay attention to what he was saying when this Dazai kid is literally snoring loudly in the middle of class and noone seems to care.

🦀When class actually began he immediately woke up then kept leaning back in his seat,his head was completely in the way,It's too late to move seats now so I guess you're just not gonna get any work done on the first day.

🦀Everytime he'd lean back he'd either be completely disinterested in you or he'd be pestering you to speak to him!The mixed messages he was giving you were crazy.

🦀At some point he leaned so far back in his seat that he hit the back of his head on your desk and flopped over on the ground causing the entire class to look at you to,Some laughing,Some just staring,the teacher rushed over and scolded Dazai for his antics.

🦀Which led to you,by the teachers orders,having to drag Dazai to the nurses office with his arm slug over your shoulder and your arm resting on his shoulder to make sure his head didn't bust open all over the floor.

🦀You seriously doubted if he was actually hurt since he kept mumbling to you about philosophy or something,You don't know probably some weird kid school threat stuff,hell he even made full eye contact with you during the walk to the infirmary you expecting him to say “Don't come to school tomorrow” but instead “You're an alright person.Keep being a okay person..”….Not sure what that means but you dropped him off with the nurse because you had no time for this edgy bullshit.

🦀After that you quickly got used to Dazai's off-putting antics just like the rest of the class and the teachers.Turns out him asking to go out with you wasn't anything special apparently he's asked every girl in your homeroom that question atleast once.Damn can't even have a y/n moment.

🦀You learned more about the freak sitting infront of you during class when he'd chat at you instead of doing his work. You know he likes crab and alcohol and that he's most definitely suicidal but you immediately knew that one when he saw him wrapped up like a mummy…..and anything else about him is a mystery.

🦀You did try pressing him for more on his life but he'd just smile at you and try and have you guess.Goodluck asking other classmates cause they tried the same thing….Meh that strange guy probably kills dogs on his free time so it'd probably the best if you just go with the flow and don't try to dig too much into him.

🦀Hell you've even started playing along with his antics more amused at this point than concerned like you were at first.Are you still worries for him?Yes but it'll save you tears if you pick to go along with his weird shit instead of question it.

🦀You even sit next to him during lunch,Less out of will and more out of “I don't wanna look like some unsocial loser” so why not sit next to the weird kid.Atleast he knows how to keep a conversation interesting.

🦀Everyday he'll ask you if you brought your notes in and when you give him your notes he'll tell you got things wrong. So you do pay attention or not?He's totally not taking it as an excuse to talk to you or anything.

🦀When Dazai is actually paying attention to what's happening in class you like to throw stuff like paper and erases at the back of his head to annoy him.The dreadful looking boy would always throw them back at you or start leaning back in his seat again to block your vision of the board.Hes your homeroom pal who you annoy in homeroom and homeroom only. You don't really go out of your way to hangout outside of homeroom. Homeroom is enough Dazai for you.

🦀But life decided you needed more Dazai in your life. BY INTRODUCING YOU TO SOMETHING CALLED A LITERATURE CLUB.

🦀When Atsushi introduced you to everyone in the club you avoided eye contact with that weirdo and pretended to not know him,Dazai seemed more amused than anything and ran with it…not really he VERY dramatically greeted you and said he totally hasn't met you before.

🦀He brought tea for everyone!You didn't realize he could do something without messing it up :0

🦀Though the ginger haired,Chuuya,didn't seem too pleased with the tea.He kept glaring at Dazai. Best not think too much into it.

🦀Dazai didn't seem to mind Chuuya glaring at him.He even poked fun at guy who most definitely wanted him in the ground!

🦀God hes weird.

🦀Aaaaand the two are arguing over poetry.What kinda nerd yells about poetry.

🦀They had you compare their poetry to eachother. Chuuya's poem is very cynical and depressing and full of metaphors there's a sense of loss that his poem emits. Dazai's poem comes off as very casual,like talking to a friend you haven't see in awhile about how life has been treating the two of you,but when you read inbetween the lines there's something off about the poem like the poem itself has something to hide. Comparing two edgelords. Great. Luckily it was quickly resolved.

🦀When it came to reading your poems in front of eachother you frankly felt illiterate compared to the rest of them. Atsushi would always reassure you that your writing was amazing,which you appreciated compared to Dazai who would rest his elbow on top of your head and talk about the parts you needed to work on,Thank you Atsushi Fuck you D(ickhead)azi.

🦀Back in homeroom and you've recently been making some small friendships with your classmates,From this you learned more about Dazai,turns out noone is really friends with the guy they'd more describe themselves as “Good acquaintances” with Dazai,They'll talk to Dazai during lunch and have a fun conversation with him but other than that they don't really know anything about him. Some described him as a man whore, Some saw him as a weirdo, and others thought he's just some guy. All three seem like a accurate character profile to you.

🦀You brought tea to the club meeting and everyone liked the tea you prepared!Dazai just began fawning over you and proposed that the two of you go down together like Romeo and Juliet…It's just tea bro calm down its not that serious but hey it's cute or whatever so you roll with his dramatic ass and feed into it.

🦀He casually stands behind you while you're busy trying to write a poem he’ll have one arm resting on the table so that the back of your head is practically against his chest as he critiques the words you use.

🦀….A school festival is happening and we need to prepare?Damn you Atsushi🤠

🦀Well I might as well work with Atsushi-Hm?Annnd Dazai is whining WAIT PUT THAT DOWN DAZAI!

🦀Sorry Atsushi that I can't go home with you and hang out with at park and eat!I have to make sure Dazai doesn't kill himself after school!Maybe next time….You say for fourth time this week

🦀During those days you'd spend with Dazai it was actually kinda fun!Did you get much work done?Eehh but you both to eat crab on the pier with your feet ankle deep in the ocean as you two sit there and watch the sunset while laughing about shit that won't matter later. You don't know anything about him but you're content.

🦀You actually got him on task so that the two of you could actually focus on the actual objective. Banner making.

🦀Making a banner for the literature with Dazai in his crumby apartment was an experience. The two of you set the blank banner paper on the living room floor and he just went wild flinging paint everywhere!You,worried,asked him if his parents would get mad at the mess…There was a moment of silence between the two of you before he replied that his parents are always at work so they won't mind in a nonchalant tone. You felt like you shouldn't push further.

🦀Dazai insisted on making something attention gaining but you had to explain that eye catching and people giving your banner stares for being a bit too creative aren't exactly the same

🦀So the two of you had to make a eye catching but not eye buring banner and you two somehow managed to do it?

🦀A light yellow background with yellow polka dots and the words written in cute pastel colors.

🦀It wasn't the vision Dazai had in mind but believe it or not throwing paint on a banner and writing literature club in sharpie isn't exactly cute.

🦀The two of you had to clean up after painting Dazai walked into his kitchen that was eerily empty to wash his hands in the sink. The soap helped the water to remove the paint off his hands,It also helped to get the paint off your hands when you wrapped your arms around his waist to reach the sink to clean your gunky hands,Dazai stiffens for a second only for a second before you could even notice. He smiled at the way your body presses against his back.

🦀After finishing the banner for the school festival you're finally on your way home!It's pretty damn dark out,The street lights are on and everything,You check your phone and see it's 8:30…You aren't gonna get any homework done.

🦀G̶̨̩̗͎̅̿̆̄̒͗̈̿̽̆͂o̴̬̪͈̯̳̥̩̹͊͗̕o̸͙̝͍̤͚̝̗͚͂̒͝d̷̨͚͓̫̱̲̙̹̩̜̤̄ ̶̛̹͚͖̱͚̯͈̂̏̐̊́̔͌͐̓̊̒̋͛̚m̸͚̞͎̥̳̑̉̑̈́̈́̓̔͝ǫ̶̖̤̹͙͕̥̩̰̮͎͇̹͎̺̓͂̀̌̈́̑̄̇͛̽͆̍͂̚͠r̸̩̫̗̘̽͐̈́̾͛͐͊͊̓̿̍̓͛̑n̸̺̲͔̰̯̖̓i̸͎̭̔̆̅̋n̴̟̲̪̞̫̭̬͍̥̲̼̯̔̔͗̓̔g̶̠͔̝͙̦̩̮̓͑͌͆́͂̐͊̈́̈́͌̚͝͝-̷̹͇̯̲͚̱͎̞̊̀…̸̢̱͙̤̲̫̗͙̮̯̰̔̾…̷̢͚͔̼͍͎̜̙̖̮̣̪̠̿Ą̴͉̪̯̺̯̘̜͛̚ͅt̵̬̘͇̖̠͍̏́͐͛̊̒̅̈́̑͗͘͜͠͝͠s̷̡̢̺̫̤̲̥̻̙͙̀̏̏̍̓̈́̔̉͛̐̚͘͠ͅͅu̵̢͔͉̱̗̳̙̺͕͉͚̮͛͗̋̆̍s̶̡͉̜̰̦̠̳̳͒̿̐̒̅͑̂͊͒̓͋͘ͅͅh̷̢͓̺͇͖͍̜̐̈͛̈́̓̀͗͑̀̏̂̽́́͜i̷̡̧̬̼͓͈͙̰̖̣͑͌̋̉̓̓̎̀̕͜͜?̵̢̼̮̩͖̥̂͌̄̀͂̓͗̃̂̈́̀̈”̵̢̼͔̗͎̺͙̭͙͕̞̓̈̅̃͆͐̏̉͗̅̕͜

🦀Your train ride to school went as expected,pretty boring,you don't have anyone to walk to school with since you aren't exactly someone with alot of friends you just kinda read manga and stay at home. You just hope nobody tries to get too friendly with you at 8am.

🦀You spilled your way into homeroom,make your way to the back of the class,and sat behind some brunette kid wrapped bandages.

🦀He didn't acknowledge you while you were walking to the desk behind him but now that you are situated in the seat behind him he looks over at you eyes wide,You raise a brow at him before he quickly whips his head back around,Freaky.

🦀You learn from some of the girls in your homeroom who watched it go down that his name is Dazai and that it was strange that he just stared at you and didn't immediately ask you out….Wait what-

🦀This becomes casual for you eventually. It's still weird that this kid you don't care about stares at you randomly but after awhile he actually began conversing with you. He was a….interesting guy to say the least. The first thing he said when he actually began speaking to you was to go out with him…Great now you owe Yosano 20$ for her guessing right. Noone seems to know anything about the guy and noone seems to want to find out…You're one of those people. Don't really wanna know what someone as suicidal as Dazai's upbringing was like.

🦀Despite him being a pretty chill person he would just get randomly deep and edgy,It made you a bit put off by him and you kinda avoided him but Dazai being Dazai just proceeded to suffocate you with his presence more and more

🦀During lunch he always moves to the seat to your left and moves it so it's right up against yours and sit there. Watching you eat,stealing parts of your lunch,laugh and whine when you scold him for stealing your shit,showing you his book about how to commit suicide and suggest suicide methods for the two of you.

🦀Hes fucking crazy.

🦀Whenever the teacher has an assignment that REQUIRES you to work with someone Dazai's eyes sparkle as he whips his head towards you. You immediately turn to the person on your left or practically BEG the teacher to let you work by yourself not wanting to work with this guy and spend anymore time with him than needed.

🦀You start being completely alone in your homeroom. Everyone seems to avoid you or ignore you all of them except Dazai but you don't exactly want him to pay attention to you.

🦀You still talk to him but it's more out of desperation than genuinely wanting to socialize with this crazy ass since nobody else seems to want to interact with you. Fakeass bitches.

🦀It's like luck is on Dazai's side and never yours because during gym class and you have to pick teams you always end up on Dazai's team. It didn't matter what was happening in gym class Dazai was always a few steps away from you. Baseball?He's sitting next to you on the bench. A free day?He's already waiting at your spot on the bleachers.

🦀You talked to gym teacher Sakunosuke about this but he couldn't really do anything about your classmates putting you two on the same teams but whenever he's setting up teams he puts you and Dazai on other teams,whenever Dazai is following you he'll send him to do something else,so Sakunosuke does help whenever he can.

🦀Whenever your taking notes in class and trying to get your education can you guess who's sitting in reverse in his seat and playing with your hair instead? Osamu Dazai that's who!

🦀You’ve texted your friends about his behavior and they also think he's got a few screws loose in the head and best believe you told you're parents and they think he's peculiar.

🦀Thank God you only see him during homeroom.

🦀During school clean up you sat on some stairsteps in a unpopular part of the school reading some manga when a sudden pair of shoes echoed through the halls,You jolted up and grabbed the sponge out of the bucket water and pretend to have been cleaning the entire time,then the walking stopped.

🦀You look up to see a man with neck length black hair with dark purple eyes looking down at you with a kind smile in a all white school uniform. Fyodor is his name and he wants you to join his literature club!Initially hesitant you give in after he explains that his club needs more members to stay open so you decide to attend the club after-school since it's not like you have anything else to do.

🦀Once club hours started you followed Fyodor to the literature club and see Dazai and some ginger guy in there. Great more Dazai.

🦀You walk into the room and it feels like someone is missing….Meh just ignore it!

🦀Speaking of ignoring you completely pretend he doesn't exist but that doesn't stop him from draping himself on top of you using all his bodyweight while whining about how cruel you are for ignoring him even though you keep telling the other two you've never seen this man in your life before.

🦀You wrote you're immature poem and read it out loud all of them praised your hard work but you cant but feel it was pity praise because DAMN they can write poetry maybe literature club shouldn't be your thing buddy.

🦀Dazai and Chuuya are getting into a pretty heated arugment over poetry.What kinda nerd yells about poetry?

🦀Fyodor ushered you out of the classroom and he tells you to wait in the hallway before he walks back into the classroom. After a while Fyodor opens the door and gestures for you to come inside then suddenly Chuuya storms out the class with blood dripping down his chin…these two really threw hands over poetry….Best not to poke at Chuuya unless you want to slapped.

🦀You walk back into the classroom and there's a lingering tension from Dazai even after Chuuya left. You tried asking Dazai how did it escalate to actual physical violence but he keeps dancing around answering.

🦀Fyodor puts a firm hand on Dazai's shoulder and reassures him that Chuuya will forget about it tomorrow.

🦀Chuuya really did forget like Fyodor said!You tried to ask him about his fight with Dazai and he doesn't even remember there being a fight!….Weird

🦀Dazai grabs your arm almost immediately after your conversation with Chuuya finished and begged asked you to read with him,You reluctantly agreed to read his suicide book with him. There was one particular method that he seemed really enthusiastic to try with you,he was just babbling about how beautiful your guy's death would be and how people would write and base stories off of your oh so romantic double suicide for centuries,When he caught a glimpse of your oh so disturbed expresion he stood up with a smile and walked to the hallway saying he needed water.

🦀After he gets back he immediately hands you a poem that's pretty vague and full of weird unexplained concepts. Freaky but better than anything you could make.

🦀Third day and you decide to proof read poems with Chuuya,His poem oddly intimidates you with how fancy and professional it feels, You look up and he wasn't even reading your poem at all!He was just staring at you!Before you could call him out he slips you a folded piece of paper. You open the paper and it flat out tells you to avoid Dazai…You look up from the piece of paper and Chuuya….has no face tells you to ignore the piece of paper he gave you and tells you to spend time with Fyodor…

🦀You tried to talk to Fyodor about it but insists that you spending time with Dazai only enables his behavior and that you should just stick with him.

🦀When you read your poem out loud to the club they compliment your work Dazai is the only one who asks you if he can take yours home with him and if you want to read his poem to yourself.

🦀You take his poem and read it…You swear that's blood and…other bodily fluids on it...

🦀When you finish reading he's all up in your face asking if you liked it and explains its about a man and his mistress tying themselves together and drowning together and that he put his smell on the poem. He runs off saying he has to vomit before you can even properly understand what he just said.

🦀A argument started between the 3 men about who you should prepare for the festival with. You end up picking Fyodor so far he's the only sane person in this damn hell literature club.

🦀Dazai goes quiet before he locks Fyodor and Chuuya out of the classroom leaving you two alone.

🦀He confesses his love to you and apologies for his behavior and that he just didn't know how to process his feelings for you and him being annoying was how he dealt with them.

🦀“OH GOD OH FUCK DAZAI STOP PLEASE”

🍷The hallway crush

🍷You'd always see him at his shoe cupboard in the morning, you never knew the name of the short copper hair beauty but he was a pretty sight that's for sure, and to be honest the less you know about him the better.

🍷You'd sometimes walk near him on the way to class though his classroom was on the third floor and yours was on the first floor so you'd just walk in the same general direction before he went up the stairs.

🍷He never really acknowledged you maybe it was because he genuinely didn't notice you, maybe because he had friends that he'd be talking to on the way to class, it could be really be whatever reason but it doesn't really matter

🍷You learned the guys name during lunch through Dazai. Chuuya Nakahara. He said Chuuya suffered from a Napoleon complex…that couldn't possibly be true.

🍷He must be pretty fast because despite you being on the first floor and him being on the third floor he'd always be out the school before you so you'd always end up looking at his back as he walked off of school property and hop into a sleek black car and be driven off. Damn he must be rich.

🍷Everyone knew little to nothing about him,He was a new student too but unlike you who actually opened up to some people so people knew shit but nobody even knows where he came from or what school he attended before coming here or even his childhood town.

🍷You tried to ask Atsushi about him but he was just as oblivious to the guy as you were hell he didn't even know who you were talking about until when you two were walking home together you pointed at him.

🍷He was a popular hallway crush alot of the girls in your class said he was their hallway crush so you weren't the only person who saw the appeal in him and his grey eyes.

🍷So imagine your reaction when during a school assembly in the gym Dazai's description of Napoleon complex was right. You were a good four rows behind him so you dont know what lead up to this but he just got up and decked the guy nexted to him in the face!The fight that happened between the two of them was terrible but Dazai who was next to you had the same reaction as you. A smile. Chuuya looked even prettier when he was beating the fuck out of some guy. If he survives this fight you might actually ask him out it'd be nice to date someone who is so fearless and strong but sadly the teachers had to break up the fight before it could get really bloody(as if Chuuya's knuckles weren't covered in the other guys blood)

🍷Maybe you two could fight together.

🍷When everyone went back to class they were talking about the fight that happened and we're already spreading rumors as to why it started but you still had heart eyes for Chuuya and were still enamored by his actions meanwhile Dazai seemed annoyed your love dazed state and poked fun at you for it as a way to get you to forget about Chuuya and to focus on him instead….and it worked you immediately tried to defend yourself as to why you were crushing so hard on Chuuya despite knowing jackshit about him causing Dazai to smirk to see your heart eyes gone and on him.

🍷You thought it was strange how the next day after the fight,despite the teachers seeing that Chuuya threw the first punch and there having been blood spilled, he was still here wasn't suspended or anything meanwhile the guy he punched in the face is nowhere to be seen. Did he bribe the school or something?

🍷You ignored the obvious blaring red flag as you watched him from the corner of your eye not wanting to bother him as he is swarmed by his friends and classmates who were asking him about the fight and you didn't want to become apart of the mini crowd happening around him,You just felt so drawn to him yet it was like there was never a good opportunity to interact with him.

🍷After that it was almost like everyday he'd open his shoe cupboard and a brand new love letter would be inside,He'd never react when seeing these letters they'd just end up getting shoved into his bag while his friends hyped him up in the background,You never put one inside his shoe cupboard because of this.

🍷Even though some of the girls in your class encouraged you to do it you decided not to,Not only because you don't know the guy that well but also Dazai said that Chuuya would reject you either way. Thanks.

🍷Your eyes are locked onto Chuuya's back as you and Atsushi leave school together,Not hearing anything Atsushi is saying just being hypnotized by the way his red hair blew in the wind and the perfect way the sun's rays hit him…then he got into his car.

🍷This guy you don't know has got your heart in a fucking swirl.

🍷One of the girls from your class sent his Instagram account into the groupchat!Creepy but you checked out his Instagram so you aren't really better than em. His Instagram didn't have much on there besides a few photos of food and wine. Dammit. Not even a beach photo with him shirtless?Really?

🍷You tried to push Yosano for any information about him since she's apart of the Armed Student Council….Turns out she doesn't know much about him either she recommended that you ask Principal Fukuzawa or Vice principal Kunikida but that just feels obsessive for a simple hallway crush. She even recommended you just talk to him!What does she think you are!?Normal?

🍷Asking Dazai….was a waste of time he just teased you for asking him and when he finally heard your annoyed pleas for him to stop he just listed a bunch of negative stuff about Chuuya saying he had anger issues, he was a prick,and saying Chuuya was a alcoholic(despite Dazai being a alcoholic but whatever.)

🍷…Atsushi what are you a nerd?What is a literature club?I don't think I've ever raised a pen.

🍷You mainly agreed to go with him for the cupcakes and tea but you also decided to attend with him for his happiness,He seems really passionate about this whole literature thing and you wanna support your friend.

🍷When you arrived at the club room with him he introduced you to the club members and yes Dazai was being dramatic about not knowing who you are one knee on the ground and everything, and that definitely should've caught your attention, but your eyes kept darting to Chuuya who was sitting at a desk reading only raising his head when Atsushi announced you as the newest member .

🍷Chuuya is here?Maybe a literature club isn't COMPLETELY nerdy .

🍷You mainly clung to Atsushi’s side during this club meeting since he was the only person you'd say you knew but you kept sneaking a glance at Chuuya nearly everytime you went to take sip of tea that Dazai generously provided for all of you. Chuuya didn't really seem to notice the way your pupils would dilate whenever you'd lay your sights on him…mostly because he was busy glaring Dazai down despite Dazai minding his business…Probably just some untold beef that happened you're unaware of and shouldn't stick your nose is.

🍷The day after this first club meeting Chuuya gave you a little nod of acknowledgement at the cupboard to show “Yeah I recognize you, Don't know you enough to say hello and wave, but it'd be rude to not acknowledge you so I'm just gonna do the bare minimum”

🍷Some of the girls in your class saw this exchange and bombarded you with questions about Chuuya but luckily Dazai and Yosano managed to push back the crowd of girls that was circling you.

🍷Though Yosano and Dazai did tease you for it. Thanks guys😒

🍷Due to your stupid little crush on this guy you ended up writing a poem around him unaware that you'd have to read it outloud to the rest of the club. Stupid teenage puppy love bullshit.

🍷You sat with Chuuya by the closet in the club room reading manga and you ended up learning something about him! Turns out he reads manga occasionally when he's bored!Nice to see he has some form of interests.

🍷When you read your poem out to the club everyone seemed to know who the poem was centered around and made comments hinting that “Yeah.We know.” meanwhile the guy the poem was about had his arms crossed with his face aimed towards the ground along with his leg bouncing up and down with his only reply to the poem was saying it was alright… A win is a win.

🍷After your turn Dazai and Chuuya were next. Chuuya said Dazai's was just okay…and Dazai called Chuuya's edgy. Can't have shit in this literature club. They start arguing over poetry🤦🏽‍♂️

🍷You just keep glancing at Fyodor wanting him to step in or something while Chuuya accuses of Dazai just trying to impress you Dazai's reply is that Chuuya's just jealous that you like his poem more.

🍷You agree with Chuuya but groan at Chuuya being too proud and explains your reasoning to Dazai who seems chill with it .

🍷Chuuya actually waves to you the next day at the shoe cupboard…You could already feel your classmates eyes burning into the back of your head…..The classroom gossip is gonna be crazy.

🍷“Are you guys hooking up?” “Is this a secret romance between the two of you?” “Is this like a Romeo and Juliet situation and that's why you two are dating in secret?” “Obviously you guys are engaged in a arranged marriage right?” “Is he your sugar daddy or something?” “I don't think that's how sugar daddies work” “Haruno I love you but sssshhhh”

🍷This time Yosano and Dazai just watched in amusement while you were trying to answer all your classmates questions. What great friends you have.

🍷You gotta be kidding me. Fyodor put all the manga on the top shelf to “clean”….. fuck you dude you know my abilityless ass isnt reaching that shit you just wanna see me struggle. Luckily Chuuya's ability helped with this to get the box of manga down. You just lean against Chuuya's side when you two got the box down and he doesn't acknowledge it other than sliver of a smile creep onto his face at the physical contact .

🍷During this club meaning Dazai asked if you were mad at him for the last club meeting and a very awkward conversation between the two of you started…So awkward infact that you left Dazai alone so that the two of you couldn't even share poems….Extremely awkward that you hoped Dazai's suicide book would actually give him a good painless way to go.

🍷Atsushi seems…down today you tried to ask him about it during club knowing his past and all but he brushed you off. Since he didn't want to talk to you about it you had to make a choice Dazai doesn't seem uh…there to try and talk to Atsushi, Chuuya doesn't really seem to interact much with Atsushi so would it really feel okay to send him, Fyodor is the president of the literature club and Atsushi is the vice president so they must've interacted plenty before you joined plus he's level headed enough so Fyodor it is!

🍷Fyodor hasn't seen any change in Atsushi but he still goes and checks up on him which is sweet :)

🍷You went over to Chuuya since it has become a pretty normal thing for you to talk to him in club. You try to mention Atsushi with Chuuya but he seems almost ticked off by this through his eyes narrowing and folding his arms, To try and not have him get piss and punch the lights out of Atsushi like that guy at the assembly you explain the situation in more detail, luckily he chills out and let's you know that since Atsushi is your best friend (and not your love interest.) If he had a problem he'd talk to ya about it.

🍷Chuuya likes the poem you made!That's great! Hey Chuuya can I read yours- what do you mean it's shitty?

🍷After much convincing he finally tosses his poem at you and……it's about you…It's about longing that's sweet :)

🍷You tried to give it back but Chuuya turned his head away from you and waved his hand saying to just keep it

🍷Putting the poem in your pocket you go and try to talk to Dazai but he just kinda backs off of you…Hm that's weird he hasn't offered you a date yet.

🍷You try and go to talk to Atsushi after you see Fyodor leave his side, Atsushi clearly has something on his mind. He let's you know that he knows your poem wasn't about but FOR Chuuya then before you could push further he left with the excuse of needing to get some rest…

🍷……A-…..A festival?

🍷Fyodor almost immediately after Atsushi left mentions this festival now how he and Atsushi will be in charge of making pamphlets for the club, Dazai is making the banner(oh god…), and Chuuya is baking cupcakes

🍷“You bake?” “Shut up.” “No I find it cute actually.”

🍷Not wanting to be useless for once you pick to work with Chuuya despite him saying he can do it by himself Chuuya seems happy.

🍷Dazai gets really passive aggressive for no reason saying he was used to working alone and shit.

🍷Sorry Atsushi that I can't go home with you and hang out with at park and eat!I have to make sure Dazai doesn't kill himself after school!Maybe next time….You say for fourth time this week.

🍷After checking up on Dazai and making sure he wasn't dead….again. You headed over to the address Chuuya gave you and you end up infront a basic suburban house with a green tree in the yard. He isn't a rich boy? You notice that the black car Chuuya is drove in after school isn't parked maybe his parents are at work?

🍷When Chuuya let you in you noticed how… clean the place was, It felt more like a place you'd rent for the vacation than stay in long term kinda clean, you asked Chuuya about his parents and turns out his parents are always working!…..Then who picks him up in the balck car after school?Now that you think about it it's weird that theres no family photos up not even childhood drawings…

🍷Is-….Is this even his house-

🍷Pusing those thoughts to the back of your head Chuuya already has the ingredients for the cupcakes out and ready. He tosses you a grey apron and puts on a nice red apron and you can't help but stare as he ties his hair back into a small little ponytail and how his hands tie his apron around his waist, If Chuuya didn't think your staring was cute he would have let you know that he knows you're staring at him.

🍷You played your favorite playlist as the two of you were baking well more like Chuuya, He tried explaining what to do but you were busy bumping to the music from your phone and sure he was frustrated but he was also infatuated enough with you that MAYBE he'll let this slide.

🍷You did help obviously you aren't just trying to bounce around his house like some dickhead you of course helped with making the frosting.

🍷Once Chuuya put the cupcakes in the oven to bake and you put the bowl of icing to the side, you grabbed Chuuya's hand and encouraged him to dance along with the song playing but Chuuya kept saying no in a seemingly serious tone but soon he cracked into chuckling out no and instead he dipped one of his fingers into the icing the smeared it against your forehead….That's why your now chasing him around the kitchen island now-

🍷You somehow chased him into the living room and pushed him onto the couch getting a “what the hell” outta him and you should be saying the same thing because damn how'd you catch him💀

🍷He backed up on the couch the moment you landed on the other side damn near crushing his legs but before he could leap off the couch you managed to grab his wrist and lick the frosting off the finger he had icing on. His face was red and he was completely silent, he shifted his position on the couch and scooch over to you so that he's able to lick the icing he smudged on your forehead;

🍷After finishing baking and decorating the cupcakes for the school festival you're finally on your way home!It's pretty damn dark out,The street lights are on and everything,You check your phone and see it's 8:30…You aren't gonna get any homework done.

🍷G̶̨̩̗͎̅̿̆̄̒͗̈̿̽̆͂o̴̬̪͈̯̳̥̩̹͊͗̕o̸͙̝͍̤͚̝̗͚͂̒͝d̷̨͚͓̫̱̲̙̹̩̜̤̄ ̶̛̹͚͖̱͚̯͈̂̏̐̊́̔͌͐̓̊̒̋͛̚m̸͚̞͎̥̳̑̉̑̈́̈́̓̔͝ǫ̶̖̤̹͙͕̥̩̰̮͎͇̹͎̺̓͂̀̌̈́̑̄̇͛̽͆̍͂̚͠r̸̩̫̗̘̽͐̈́̾͛͐͊͊̓̿̍̓͛̑n̸̺̲͔̰̯̖̓i̸͎̭̔̆̅̋n̴̟̲̪̞̫̭̬͍̥̲̼̯̔̔͗̓̔g̶̠͔̝͙̦̩̮̓͑͌͆́͂̐͊̈́̈́͌̚͝͝-̷̹͇̯̲͚̱͎̞̊̀…̸̢̱͙̤̲̫̗͙̮̯̰̔̾…̷̢͚͔̼͍͎̜̙̖̮̣̪̠̿Ą̴͉̪̯̺̯̘̜͛̚ͅt̵̬̘͇̖̠͍̏́͐͛̊̒̅̈́̑͗͘͜͠͝͠s̷̡̢̺̫̤̲̥̻̙͙̀̏̏̍̓̈́̔̉͛̐̚͘͠ͅͅu̵̢͔͉̱̗̳̙̺͕͉͚̮͛͗̋̆̍s̶̡͉̜̰̦̠̳̳͒̿̐̒̅͑̂͊͒̓͋͘ͅͅh̷̢͓̺͇͖͍̜̐̈͛̈́̓̀͗͑̀̏̂̽́́͜i̷̡̧̬̼͓͈͙̰̖̣͑͌̋̉̓̓̎̀̕͜͜?̵̢̼̮̩͖̥̂͌̄̀͂̓͗̃̂̈́̀̈”̵̢̼͔̗͎̺͙̭͙͕̞̓̈̅̃͆͐̏̉͗̅̕͜

🍷Your train ride to school went as expected,pretty boring,you don't have anyone to walk to school with since you aren't exactly someone with alot of friends you just kinda read manga and stay at home. You just hope nobody tries to get too friendly with you at 8am.

🍷When you were putting your shoes away in your shoe cupboard a head of orange hair appeared in the corner of your eye you glanced over put you couldn't get a good look at the person's face due to them having their head down while taking off their shoes.

🍷The patter of loafers is all you hear until that same blotch of orange shows up in your peripheral vision walking to class. You look over at him and see his side profile….so pretty….The sound of shoes disappeared as time slowed down as you watch him head up the stairs to his class…

🍷So yeah best believe you texted your friends about him immediately when you got home, took them awhile to respond because of time zone but you wished you didn't tell them cause as friends do they clowned on you for this but hey you go I guess💀

🍷Next time you saw him at the shoe cupboard you managed to sneak a picture of him, not a good one but it was a picture, sending it to the groupchat was a mistake like not them agreeing and yall wanting to take him away from you🤨(Chuuya doesn't even know you exist)

🍷The mummy guy who sat infront of you during glass, Dazai, suddenly grabs your phone and plays keep away with it as he read the texts between you and your friends…He tossed your phone back to you and warned you that you should avoid Chuuya if you want to stay outta trouble and that he's a shady guy…but hes hot with a fancy black car :(

🍷Hell some of your classmates joined in and started taking pictures of him and showing you them in class/sending them just to tease you a bit

🍷 “This yo man🤨?” “……That's a whole ass leprechaun-”

🍷Even your parents started getting the idea when they went to your room to check if you were sleeping at like 11 just to see you under the covers on your phone texting your friends about this random guy who doesn't even know you exist with your legs kicking.

🍷Yosano entertained this crush of yours and hell she even said she'll try to use her position in the Armed Student Council to find out stuf about this guy for you!

🍷Dazai simply waved off your crush on Chuuya saying “It's just a puppy love you'll get over it in a week” and discouraged Yosano to not bother looking into him saying “It's just a little thing [NAME] will get over it in a week” Way to be supportive Dazai😐

🍷You can't help but feel stupid whenever you think about this guy and all the imagined scenarios in your head that put a goofy little smile on your face that just has your friends, classmates, and family poking fun….besides Dazai-

🍷He's just the kinda guy that has you giggling and screaming into your pillows while your parents are downstairs in the living room mildly concerned.

🍷If it was possible you'd have a wobbly smile with hearts in your eyes and heart beating out of your chest.

🍷Planning your wedding with him on a whole pinterest board like a giddy cartoon character with a crush.

🍷During school clean up you sat on some stairsteps in a unpopular part of the school reading some manga and your phone featuring the imaginary wedding inbetween the pages keeping the book open when a sudden pair of shoes echoed through the halls,You jolted up and grabbed the sponge out of the bucket water and pretend to have been cleaning the entire time,then the walking stopped.

🍷You look up to see a man with neck length black hair with dark purple eyes looking down at you with a kind smile in a all white school uniform. Fyodor is his name and he wants you to join his literature club!Initially hesitant you give in after he explains that his club needs more members to stay open so you decide to attend the club after-school since it's not like you have anything else to do.

🍷Once club hours started you followed Fyodor to the literature club and see Dazai and future hubby😍

🍷The club room was nice and cozy, it was warm and the sun coming in through the windows made the environment so calming, but the room feels empty…Sure you,Fyodor,Dazai,and Chuuya are all here and the room is full of desks yet you can't shake of the feeling that something is missing even though you've never been in this room before…

🍷Best let it not get to you!

🍷You wrote a amateur poem and read it out to your fellow club members with Chuuya giving you very reluctant compliments you can tell he's just being polite, Dazai being so over the top that you can't tell if hes making fun of you or not, and Fydor being so calm that you can't tell if he hates your poem. Note to self pay attention in writing class more.

🍷Dazai and Chuuya are getting into a pretty heated arugment over poetry.What kinda nerd yells about poetry?

🍷Fyodor ushered you out of the classroom and you he tells you wait in the hallway before he walks back into the classroom. After a while Fyodor opens the door and gestures for you to come inside then suddenly Chuuya storms out the class with blood dripping down his chin…these two really threw hands over poetry….Best not to poke at Chuuya unless you want to slapped .

🍷You're shocked cause how have go be pretty lame to get into a physical altercation OVER POETRY.

🍷You walk back into the classroom and there's a lingering tension from Dazai even after Chuuya left. You tried asking Dazai how did it escalate to actual physical violence but he keeps dancing around answering.

🍷A wave of shock hits you, the last time you saw Chuya get into a fight was like 4 weeks ago during a assembly and the last guy couldn't even get a hit in so the fact that DAZAI. THAT FREAK WAS ABLE TO LAY A HAND ON HIM?

🍷Talk about underestimating.

🍷Fyodor puts a firm hand on Dazai's shoulder and reassures him that Chuuya will forget about it tomorrow.

🍷Chuuya really did forget like Fyodor said!You tried to talk to him about his fight with Dazai and he doesn't even remember there being a fight!….Weird, From their interactions in the club that you've seen Dazai really got a rise got out if Chuuya so you're suprised that Chuuya didn't even seem to care.

🍷You decided to trade poems with Chuuya!You read his and he reads yours!….You thought you were bad at poems but damn!Chuuya didn't even put words it was just numbers and letters it looked like code from those movies or something.

🍷Looking up at Chuuya to question what he just gave you you see….oh god is that blood? Stop it! GETAWAYGETAWAYGETAWAYGETAWAY

🍷Third day and you decide to proof read poems with Chuuya,His poem oddly intimidates you with how fancy and professional it feels, You look up and he wasn't even reading your poem at all!He was just staring at you!Before you could call him out he slips you a folded piece of paper. You open the paper and it flat out tells you to avoid Dazai…You look up from the piece of paper and Chuuya….has no face tells you to ignore the piece of paper he gave you and tells you to spend time with Fyodor…

🍷You tried to talk to Fyodor about it sure you find Dazai weird but hes sure as hell needs hep but Fydor insists that you sending time with Dazai only enables his behavior and that you should just stick with him and he tells you to just forget about it. Forget about Dazai.

🍷When you read your poem out loud to the club they compliment your work Dazai is the only one who asks you if he can take yours home with him and if you want to read his poem to yourself.

🍷You take his poem and read it…You swear that's blood and…other bodily fluids on it

🍷During this exchange you kept glancing from his poem and looking past his shoulder. Chuuya was giving you look of disapproval and concern before he eventually completely averted his gaze from you

🍷When you finish reading he's all up in your face asking if you liked it and explains its about a man and his mistress tying themselves together and drowning together and that he put his smell on the poem. He runs off saying he has to vomit before you can even properly understand what he just said.

🍷A argument started between the 3 men about who you should prepare for the festival with. You end up picking Fyodor so far he's the only sane person in this damn hell literature club

🍷Dazai goes quiet before he locks Fyodor and Chuuya out of the classroom leaving you two alone. Chuuya was cussing Dazai out from the other side of the door demanding to be let in and that he doesn't trust Dazai to be alone with you.

🍷The yelling stops suddenly. Chuuya was mid yelling before it went quiet…

🍷He confesses his love to you and apologies for his behavior and that he just didn't know how to process his feelings for you and him being annoying was how he dealt with them

🍷“OH GOD OH FUCK DAZAI STOP PLEASE”

🐀The club president

🐀In the beginning, there was darkness.

🐀A formless dark void.

🐀And then a voice boomed “Let there be light!” and there was light.

🐀Not much of a memory he can recall from, can't even remember what he had for breakfast or what he learned in class today, He just remembers the club room.

🐀The sweet boring club room.

🐀It was just him, Dazai, and Chuuya. He doesn't remember how he knows them or how he met them but they were apart of his club…that he has no recollection of starting .

🐀Then his vice president, Atsushi, walked in with…you.

🐀Your hair, your body, your voice, all things that belong to a monster. You.

🐀He enjoys your existence. Always acting innocent to everyone when he can read your soul.

🐀He likes having someone such as yourself in his club.

🐀He let's you stay in hope that you'll stop going down the route your on and turn to him.

🐀Yet you keep up with your ways.

🐀Continuing to present yourself to other like youre worth nothing. That's why you agreed to attend the literature club with Atsushi you heard there'd be attention. He sees right through you siren.

🐀You reading with him is clearly you buttering him up you're playing the long game from what he observed. Well played.

🐀But you don't know that he knows this. That he knows that you're actively trying to deceive him. He just sips the tea Dazai made and reads his book all while you're toying with your food for entertainment like the disgusting creature but he won't give into your act, a man such as himself should never entertain a dog unless he wants to meet his end.

🐀The way your lips flapped when you shared your poem made him want to vomit. Your poem was terrible yet he gave you praise, to stay civil with you.

🐀Your mouth is filthy. It doesn't matter what you're saying it all sounds dirty by a mouth tainted by the devil. One of God's worst creations. That's the only way to explain YOU.

🐀As much as he's unamused at how dirty you are he understands that poor souls like you need proper guidance.

🐀Your uncleanness was appealing and if he must take advantage of you to use your evil for himself he will.

🐀You stepped out the room.

🐀In a blink of a eye his vision went dark and he was back in the classroom repeating the same thing… Drink tea, read, write poetry,and read poem out loud.

🐀pick him let him help you

🐀Dazai and Chuuya get into a argument about poetry and drag you into it only makes him loathe you more with you acting as some sort of madonna and managing to convince everyone of it makes him irritated. He only watches as you manage to break up the fight.

🐀Its all black again.

🐀He disappears again until he's needed again.

🐀He can't remember anything…

🐀Other than the face…It was pure…On the other side of the screen….not inside the simulation. The only thing that is real.

🐀And he's back in the club room with Chuuya, Dazai, and Atsushi everyone and everything feels flat. 2D like paper cut outs. They aren't real…besides you.

🐀Your avatar walks in, he can see you inside the eye of your avatar, and he sees the avatar look at Atsushi and walk up to him…

🐀When your avatar walks up to him and asks him to check on Atsushi for you he agrees. So that you be distracted with spending time with the others and he could…mess with Atsushi at bit .

🐀Fyodor wished he could spend time with you but he needed the others out of the way first if he wanted to reach out to you. You two are the only two that are real.

🐀He left after he was certain he was done messing with Atsushi and went back to his usual spot and sat to drink the flavorless flat tea and blank weightless book right on time since your avatar immediately goes to Atsushi.

🐀He felt a sense of pride when he watches Atsushi drag himself out of the classroom. It worked.

🐀When Atsushi left he swiftly switches your attention onto him making sure to keep eye contact with your avatar so that he can see you.

🐀He lets you know that he and Atsushi were going to be making pamphlets for the festival, Chuuya was going to be baking, and Dazai was going to be banner making. He felt his digital heart boom when you agreed to work with him on the pamphlets. Finally just some one on one time.

🐀But Dazai and Chuuya shut it down since he already has a partner, Atsushi, to help him.

🐀….They just sealed their fates.

🐀When you left the class room and black came back into his vision. He immediately made it his goal to mess with Atsushi more to get him out the picture then get the others.

🐀The two of you are married under the eyes of God. Jesus was able to help Mary Magdalene. He'll he able to save your damned soul. That's why he's sentient.

🐀G̶̨̩̗͎̅̿̆̄̒͗̈̿̽̆͂o̴̬̪͈̯̳̥̩̹͊͗̕o̸͙̝͍̤͚̝̗͚͂̒͝d̷̨͚͓̫̱̲̙̹̩̜̤̄ ̶̛̹͚͖̱͚̯͈̂̏̐̊́̔͌͐̓̊̒̋͛̚m̸͚̞͎̥̳̑̉̑̈́̈́̓̔͝ǫ̶̖̤̹͙͕̥̩̰̮͎͇̹͎̺̓͂̀̌̈́̑̄̇͛̽͆̍͂̚͠r̸̩̫̗̘̽͐̈́̾͛͐͊͊̓̿̍̓͛̑n̸̺̲͔̰̯̖̓i̸͎̭̔̆̅̋n̴̟̲̪̞̫̭̬͍̥̲̼̯̔̔͗̓̔g̶̠͔̝͙̦̩̮̓͑͌͆́͂̐͊̈́̈́͌̚͝͝-̷̹͇̯̲͚̱͎̞̊̀…̸̢̱͙̤̲̫̗͙̮̯̰̔̾…̷̢͚͔̼͍͎̜̙̖̮̣̪̠̿Ą̴͉̪̯̺̯̘̜͛̚ͅt̵̬̘͇̖̠͍̏́͐͛̊̒̅̈́̑͗͘͜͠͝͠s̷̡̢̺̫̤̲̥̻̙͙̀̏̏̍̓̈́̔̉͛̐̚͘͠ͅͅu̵̢͔͉̱̗̳̙̺͕͉͚̮͛͗̋̆̍s̶̡͉̜̰̦̠̳̳͒̿̐̒̅͑̂͊͒̓͋͘ͅͅh̷̢͓̺͇͖͍̜̐̈͛̈́̓̀͗͑̀̏̂̽́́͜i̷̡̧̬̼͓͈͙̰̖̣͑͌̋̉̓̓̎̀̕͜͜?̵̢̼̮̩͖̥̂͌̄̀͂̓͗̃̂̈́̀̈”̵̢̼͔̗͎̺͙̭͙͕̞̓̈̅̃͆͐̏̉͗̅̕͜

🐀He’s been in the code. He knows everything that happens and he's tampered with it enough that'll make you gravitate towards him but also not scare you away.

🐀He wrote his poem to specifically for you turn to him,you two are meant to be, let him out.

🐀He felt nothing when Chuuya and Dazai gave you their poems considering he knew what would happen to them and that soon you'll only be able to interact with him.

🐀He was calm when he ushered you out of the club room due to the fight between Chuuya and Dazai, something he planned to happen, he counted for the exact amount of time it his head that he coded and on cue Chuuya stormed out he was already waiting for what to happen next.

🐀And it happened Chuuya forgot everything about the fight that Fyodor scripted.

🐀Fyodor wrote another poem. Eve trying to convince Adam to bite the apple for her.

🐀Please help him. Don't fall for the snakes.

🐀You're coming to him, Finally ignoring the non existent fictional characters and coming to him. Everything is going just as planned to freak you out into his arms. Faceless Chuuya gave a shock? Weirded out by the bodily fluids on Dazai's poems?Don't worry he's here and normal. The normal option. The real option.

🐀You care for Dazai yes?He's your friend so don't enable this behavior of his. The more time you spend with him the more you're supporting him. Just forget about it. Forget about him. Forget about everyone.

🐀Look at his behavior towards you!It's disturbing. Depraved. You wouldn't want his poem fluids to get more alarming would you?Because he can up the extremity if needed.

🐀You have to pick Fyodor for the festival now. He's coded that you physically can't pick anyone but him. He just feels his digital stomach flip when you pick him. He can finally speak to a real person. Not just someone who's a bunch of code like Dazai and Chuuya.

🐀They were finally dealt with.

🐀“OH GOD OH FUCK DAZAI STOP PLEASE”

🐀Its just him and your avatar. Him staring into your avatars eyes and at you. He explains that all this was inevitable that it was meant to happen. God didn't make him self aware for no reason. For no purpose. He's meant to be with you. He had to ruin the others files for you to focus on him and it worked. Now your eyes are on him. DELETE?

[tyttamarzh]

Missa and Tallulah

I adore the father-daughter bond that has formed between Missa and Tallulah, it reminds me so much of Missa's early days with Chayanne and it warms my heart.

But there is something very interesting in the way Tallulah accepted Missa as her father immediately, despite having lived very little with him and despite the fact that Missa never tried to impose himself on her as a father (even if he considered her his daughter since Phil told him that he adopted her).

And it is precisely that. Missa never imposed himself, he didn't try to push himself on as a father to Tallulah, unlike other people in the past who tried to "adopt" her or make her see them as a father. Missa always accepted his place in the girl's life and was fine with the "uncle" title she had given him.

He told her that he felt the responsibility of taking care of her, just as he takes care of Chayanne and he always behaved nice and friendly, but to a certain extent he kept his distance from the subject, he never wanted to pressure or make her feel uncomfortable attributing himself a role that did not belong to him.

Missa has always respected that Tallulah's father is Wilbur and although he knew that Phil had adopted her and that he directly referred to her as their daughter, Missa never intended to take that place (even in prison he referred to Wilbur as "her true father"), as much as he saw her as his daughter, he respected Tallulah's feelings and that was important for her, because she spent months anguished by Wilbur's absence, hearing jokes from others about it, like If her suffering was nothing more than a joke for everyone and although they were harmless jokes, every time that happened it seemed like it disturbed her, she was Wilbur's daughter and people didn't seem to take it seriously.

She had other people in her life, people she became very fond of, but despite that she has never seen them as a replacement for her father and she never liked that anyone wanted to see themselves as such. She has great appreciation for Quackity because she knows how important he is to Wil and out of all of them, it seemed that he was the closest to becoming her stepfather and therefore, her "second father" and in some way being close to him was a way to bond with Wilbur, but Q's presence in Tallulah's life was never stable and along the way there has been mistrust and bitter moments with him (that bond was not created, but she still sees him as someone important to Wil and is fond of him). Others have taken care of her and although she became fond of them, she always saw them as her "uncles" and although there were those who tried to be something more than her, she never felt comfortable with the idea.

It even took a long time before she directly started calling Phil dad and that was something that was born from her, Phil didn't come and tell her "now I'll take your father's place" he just earned his own place and that made the girl was the one who asked him to adopt her. But Phil already had a long history with her and a very solid relationship, so her asking him that was something to be expected but… Why did she immediately accept Missa?

The first things Tallulah heard from Missa were the wonders Chay and Phil told her about him and from the moment she met him, she realized that he was a sweet and kind man who made Chay very happy. In a way, she saw Chay's family as what she expected from a family, since they all had a very beautiful bond with each other. But still, she didn't see Missa as her father, nor as her "grandfather" (when she saw Philza like that), he was another of her uncles. But from that moment on, all the times Phil and Chay talked about him were different for her, because now she knew him and could understand how important he was to them, seeing a parallel between the longing they felt for him with the one she felt for Wilbur and that made her empathize with them, strengthening their bond.

So, the next time she saw Missa, she defended him from Foolish and Tubbo's taunts and followed him around the island, so he could reunite with Chay, because she knew that was important to her brother and that he would do the same for her. In some ways, the things that happened that day greatly influenced the way she felt about Wilbur's absence by then.

Even so, Missa was always sweet and kind to her and promised to take care of her like Chay, HIS OWN SON, without any kind of commitment, without expecting anything from her, or trying to be considered her father or take these place.

That must have been confusing for her in some way, because she didn't know how he saw her or if he considered her his family, but it kind of made her think about it: "Is he part of my family? Do I want that?" "Am I part of his family?"

Missa's absence and presence influenced the three of them in several ways, even if no one were not fully aware of it.

And this is where Phil's influence comes. For Phil there was no doubt that Missa had become another father to Tallulah from the moment he adopted her, but that could never be formalized because the three of them were never in the same room to talk about it and Tallulah never asked it directly.

Just as Missa didn't want to force Tallulah to see him as a father, she didn't want to force him to see her as his daughter. It was in the end Phil who directly made the decision to make it official, he had already talked about it with Missa before, but he didn't ask Tallulah, he just told her "he's your third father" and even at that moment, she asked him Missa was okay with it, because until then she only saw him as Chayanne's father and Missa's response was that he already considered her his daughter (which was similar to what Phil told her).

Missa was not someone who asked her to see him as a father just like that, he was someone who saw her as a daughter even if she did not consider him her father, he never fought for that title, he never expected anything in return, he was someone who unconditionally agreed to love her, even if he didn't know her, JUST LIKE A TRUE FATHER DOES.

That's why Tallulah accepted it immediately, she reciprocated that show of love in the same way.

I sincerely believe that she has been able to heal something within her heart and that being Phil and Missa's daughter makes her very happy, without displacing her love for Wilbur.

Tallulah's new side is quite important, I think that Missa's love does her quite well and was something that she needed for a long time, because now she feels part of a complete family and it is natural that she wants to protect that and now she have someone who makes her feel like she have the strength to take care of those she love.

It's incredible how both Missa and Tallulah needed each other to feel part of the family, because in some way, they were the ones who doubted their place within it.

I never expected this, but I love it.

Missa is a great father, he has always been a great father and I am willing to fight anyone who dares to say otherwise…

[serfergs]

I have to give a shout out to The Only One episode 8 for (well a lot of things), but what specifically stood out to me. I’ve seen some posts about how BL has recently really botched child/parent relationship and characterization. I feel like these kinds of relationship dynamics are so nuanced and very difficult to portray realistically. I really liked that we got to see the conversations each of the boys had with their respective parent. They were both mature, respectful, fairly honest but still kept their parents at an arms length. Both their approaches were also consistent with Tian and Weng’s characters. Weng initiated the conversation with his dad and was focused and direct, but still sympathetic to his dad’s decisions around marrying Tian’s mom. Tian followed suit but was much more hesitant to speak to his mother and said just enough to reassure her.

Then I realize that both conversations revolved around reassuring and comforting their parents. As someone who has recently been forced to confront my parents for the emotional neglect and trauma of my childhood I related to this so much. Tian and Weng don’t hate their parents, but they still have to reckon with the consequences of their parents’ actions. Tian always keeping his bag packed and choosing to self isolate out of self preservation. Weng desperately seeking out intimacy. These are things they are forced to deal with and it sucks that instead of feeling safe enough to have a vulnerable conversation about the ways their parents decisions fucked them up they had to defend their decision to move to the school dorms while reassuring their parents that it had nothing to do with them as parents. This show understands the nuanced and complex feelings that exist between strained child/parent relationships. This show understands that for the child sometimes you have to placate your parent because it’s not worth the breath to explain no I don’t hate you, but I wish you’d acknowledge your role in my trauma and my need to set boundaries because of it. You love your parents but you’ve been taught that you can’t completely trust them and therefore they can never truly be home.

Which highlights why the ending of the episode was so beautiful. This slow burn show has paced itself in such a way to build an incredibly solid and realistic portrayal of the foundation of intimacy that I don’t think I’ve seen in other BL. Yes I swooned and giggled at the initial enemies to lovers trope but it’s truly become so much more than that. I believe in not just their attraction, not just their hidden or not yet fully realized crush, but their deep, hopefully, life long companionship.

[anastasiabowe]

𝙅𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙈𝙚 — It's just Nanami and Yuji against the world.

note: I was rewatching JJK since my Crunchyroll subscription ended 2 years ago, and it's ON NETFLIX and I totally forgot about the relationship Nanami and Yuji had (and I personally think Nanami is a father figure but I digress) so I HAD to share this lol. Also Yuji is a baby :p

𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: Nothing!

Nanami never asked to be a dad. To be honest, the idea always scared him. He hated the thought of changing diapers, buying formula, buying clothes every other month, etc! He hated the drool, the smells, the noises babies made, but when he had the blessing to meet 6 month year old Yuji, none of that mattered anymore. He knew he wanted to care for him.

The first few weeks were TOUGH. Nanami knew he didn't have the nurturing mother capability, and knew he also didn't know what to do. Yuji cried all the time and he didn't know why, his diaper would be changed, he just ate, he just woke up from a 3 hour nap (probably more than he needed) and yet he would cry.

Countless nights Nanami laid awake listening to the heart wrenching yet annoying cries of Yuji. He knew Yuji was taken care of yet he didn't know what else could have been bothering him. So the very next day, Nanami took him to the doctors only to find out Yuji was teething. He kept crying because he was in discomfort, so Nanami hit the first once upon a child he could find and found toys and other gadgets to help Yuji, and they worked! Nani got a good 8 solid hours of sleep until a new problem arose.

Yuji got sick. Yes, Yuji got the common cold yet nanami felt like it was yellow fever. Every cough, sneeze, hiccup, Nanami panicked.

"Achoo!" Yuji sneezed and Nanami dashed from the kitchen straight to the living room (which isn't very far). Nanami scanned the poor boy's slightly reddened face from him coughing and sneezing. Nanami felt up the boy's poor head for the, God knows how many times. Nanami brought his hand to his chest to feel how Yuji breathed which was thankfully normal. Yuji only laughed into a cough at how silly his daddy was acting.

"Dada funny!" He clapped his hands.

Nanami felt his heart flutter at his little boy, and he didn't feel too worried about him after his little check up. Nanami felt so happy seeing his little Yuji happy and couldn't contain the tears brimming his eyes. Yuji only looked up at him in confusion but then quickly got caught by Gracie's Corner which he was preoccupied with before his dad's check up.

Nanami soon embraced the single dad look. He'd go on runs with Yuji bundled up in his stroller, he would show Yuji off to his friends whenever they hung out at his house, and everyone fell in love with Yuji. His contagious smile, cute little salmon hair, wide eyes, there wasn't a single person who could look at the little cinnamon roll and not smile. Nanami also became the world's #1 dad. Nanami would be the first person any of the mothers at the daycare would go to for baby advice because nanami was basically the encyclopedia of babies. Want to know what foods are best to feed babies who just began to eat real food, hell give you recipes and affordable but healthy and nutritional brands.

There wasn't a single thing that could have separated Yuji from Nanami, except you, but that's not important in this part of the story. Yuji was Nanami's reason to go to his lame ass job and deal with his boss. Yuji was Nanami's breath and heart. Nanami couldn't even imagine himself without the little kid. And the older Yuji got the more Nanami became happier. Nanami was a whole new man because of Yuji, and honestly, no one complained.

Even though Nanami wished he had a s/o to help raise Yuji, he knew Yuji didn't care. As long as Nanami had Yuji and Yuji had Nanami, nothing would stop them from being happy. It was really Nanami and Yuji against the world. And what Nanami liked to tell Yuji a lot:

"It's just you and me against the world."

[respectthepetty]

How does it feel to stay winning Petty? Also who would've guessed that baby Barcode would be the one of the BOC boys to collect kisses from all the homies!?

Anon, I appreciate you sending this because, right now, I feel like an elite status female rapper. Like CL from 2NE1 rapped in their 2011 hit, "I am the best", Be On Cloud owns me, and y'all can't tell me shit about this show.

I know I have some Wild Ass Theories and I'm always clownin' in these BL streets, but I love when my theories actually hit their target like . . .

When I knew Teacher Chadok was in a relationship with Teacher Dika since the first episode of The Eclipse.

When I knew Kanghan's house was going to be robbed and his dad would be shot since the third episode of Dangerous Romance, even though I thought Saifah would do it.

When I knew Pat was working with Joke to win over Zo since the first episode of Hidden Agenda.

I love making Wild Ass Theories no matter how crazy they are, like my belief that the twins' dad is involved in this whole murder and sex work plot in Playboyy. No matter what happened in this past episode, I still believe it and am eagerly awaiting the upcoming chaos to see how hard I clowned.

Which is why I LOVE Dead Friend Forever.

I want the record to state that no matter what happens after episode seven, that at this exact moment in time, I love this show. It makes me happy to be alive at the same time this is airing, and I'm not joking. I want to remember that at one point, this show was everything to me, and even if it goes down hill, it had all my attention in the first seven episodes. I want to appreciate it right now because regardless of what happens, it did everything right in the first half.

With the way some shows keep losing their footing in the end, sometimes we forget how good they were in the beginning, and the emo in me doesn't want to forget this feeling. Some of my favorite movies are Scream, Heathers, and Jawbreaker so this show has been giving me the explicitly queer version of kill your frenemies since the very first episode, and I love it.

My internal alarm went off the second Tee got upset that Phi was speaking to White in episode one, then the dark hand touched him making him enemy #1. I didn't like the way he told White he needed to obey him, and I feel like the dark hand wasn't too pleased with it either. It was a vibe.

And now Non has a hurt hand in the past from falling off the bike . . .

Then, Jin was the main character of the previous film, so he was either the killer or the biggest baddie.

But Phi was just so sus, that I clocked him as a killer.

Which meant Phi and Jin were the killers, but Tan has no backstory and people with no history are intentionally hiding it, so they can kill everyone and peace out.

So in my mind, Tan and Phi were regulated to the killers, Tee was the second to last to die, which I'm hoping it's by his boyfriend White who he thinks disobeys him, and the rest of the squad would die as needed. Which left Jin to be the baddie.

All of my theories could blow up at any second because we don't know if Jin actually sent that video or if his computer fizzled out before it finished uploading, so he could still be a killer avenging Non instead of a baddie who wronged Non (but he took the video and that is messed up regardless of what he planned to do with it).

But either way, I'm hoping it comes down to Phi and Jin in that forest because the show started with them.

And I don't think Jin realizes who Phi is to Non since Jin never got a good look at Phi's face in the past.

The Twitter folks spotted that Phi's dad was the police chief from the letters the boys got calling them in for interrogation in episode six.

And now the knife from episode two is showing up in the past in Non's backpack.

Up until this point, I feel the show has laid out a solid story with a good cast, and I think Be On Cloud relied on their KinnPorsche casting to throw people off in this show because who expected Us to be doomed in the first episode? That was like Drew Barrymore dying at the beginning of Scream.

People have felt off about JJ's character, but the show wouldn't really have JJ do anything bad to sweet Barcode, right?

And Barcode and Ta being paired together was a pipe dream for the Macau x Porchay shippers, so it could never happen here!

Especially because Ta and Copper won The Hidden Character, which meant they were going to be the main pair of this show, right?

WRONG!

Barcode is gonna be involved in some fucked up shit, and according to those MDL comments, people are realizing they messed up making any assumptions before this show started based on what the actors previously did.

I truly feel like BOC looked at its lineup and said "Baby Barcode was babygirled so hard for the past two years that the audience won't even think his character is capable of such things"

and I love that for us.

BOC gave these youngsters (19-23 in age) a script from Dr. Sammon and the Pit Babe writers and said "go HAM, bitches"

And the audience stays winning.

This isn't about my Wild Ass Theories coming true. This is an appreciation post for what this show has given to me up until this point - a good mystery.

Every week I have more questions and none of them feel like they will go unanswered. Is Non dead? Did Jin actually upload the video? Is Tan a killer? Why did Phi hook up with Jin? Will White finally snap, crackle, and pop like a bag of Rice Krispies treats for the mere fact that he simply wanted a nice weekend getaway with his boyfriend and now has to deal with all this bullshit?

But most importantly, when did Phi realize he was going to kill all of them after making them run around scared for their lives?

Because by time the show makes it back to the present day, I'm sure we're all going to want to watch these kids suffer in the worst ways possible.

Manipulate, Murder, Mayhem

[cfr749]

Initial Thoughts on Chenford in 6x07

All right... I'm feeling... a lot at the moment, so just sharing my initial reactions before seeing anyone else's. I'm sure my feelings will evolve. Also this turned into a GD essay and I'm sorry.

The Good

Grey acknowledging that Lucy was going through a lot ABOVE & BEYOND the break up. I just wish he'd mentioned the shooting, too. Lucy deserves to be more than her relationship with Tim and I need to actually see that in the future.

Lucy laying out 2 key things in her conversation with Grey - how easily Tim walked away and that he had no right to make that decision for her

Prior to the last scene (see The Ugly below), I thought Tim's interactions with the therapist were reasonably well done; if only therapy was that easy in real life lol

"You've always got a home with me" - I loved this final scene between Lucy and Tamara. I don't really have feelings either way about Tamara at this point, and this still hit me right in the heart.

Smitty's poll made me laugh, but also another solid indicator that these writers / producers do in fact really enjoy laughing at the expense of the fandom and shippers (which, whatever, I don't care that they do, I'd prob do the same; but it does irk me when people act like these writers should be worshipped because of all the things they "give" us)

The Tim

"I'm not depressed. I broke up with her."

"I was her TO." Not her friend, cuz god knows Tim has yet to deal with the fact that he started banging his former Rookie I suppose.

I dunno whether to put this in The Good or The Bad at this point; it depends on where they take it, so instead Tim gets a section all about why he's a dick.

To be clear, I do not like that Tim is a dick. But I actually do kind of like that it is very clear TO THE AUDIENCE that Tim is being kind of a dick. Do I still think people will bend over backwards to defend him? Of course they will.

From my perspective, I love Tim, I understand that he thinks he's doing the right thing, and has lots and lots of trauma. I've never seen Tim as a character that magically healed at some point between Seasons 1 & 5 (please see his storyline with his dad, his ongoing issues with UC work and unwillingness to confront or deal with them, his feelings about therapy historically, his inability to dump Ashley, etc. etc.). He's never been perfect and he doesn't need to be.

All of those things are true. None of those things give him a free pass to be kind of a dick. He still has to take accountability for how he treated Lucy (which, to be clear, was like sh*t).

The Bad

Lucy being petty AF with the invites to Tamara's dinner - let her be ANGRY, but give me villain Lucy over this dumb sh*t.

Lucy having no one other than Grey to talk to.

Others acting like Lucy is actually kind of pathetic (why do these writers love sh*tting on her so much? girl could not be down and kicked any harder at this point) -- Celina / Nolan and the double dumping crap, Lucy thinking Grey paid actors and him telling her she was out of her damn mind

The last interaction between Lucy and Tim. I am so angry for her. I needed to see that from her, but instead it felt kind of like her being dumped / a kicked puppy all over again. We got it, thanks. What's next? Lucy being incredibly happy with the hottest man on earth? I'm here for it tbh. Lucy plotting Tim's murder? Also here for it at this point. LOL.

The Ugly

I could not hate the implication of that final scene with Tim and the therapist and the door shutting more. There was ZERO reason they couldn't have had him show up during the day, and it actually disgusts me that they are pushing this line again, but especially with Tim. I am literally NEVER this dramatic, but in this case I really hope they did that to just get a reaction, because if anything were to actually happen between Tim and the therapist, I'd be 100% done with this ship and show as would a whole lot of the audience (I think). If I kept watching, it would only be to see Lucy be absurdly happy without Tim.

Well, what'd I miss? What did y'all think?

[cityofmeliora]

kinda late but here is the Terzo childhood headcanons AKA new yorker Terzo post. for @plaquerat <3

ok so. i don't really have a solid interpretation of the lore, and my headcanons aren't very detailed. i'm open to floating a lot of different ideas. here are some that i like:

i've liked the idea that Terzo was primarily raised by his mother ever since i first saw the interview where TF (as nameless ghoul) suggests Terzo may be nicer than Secondo because "he seems to have, i dont know, a kinder mother?" and then i found the official instagram post mentioning Terzo's mother attending his concert in New York, and i was like 'oh! maybe she lives there. maybe Terzo used to live there with her.' it got me thinking...

Terzo was born in california and then moved to new york with his mom after she and Nihil split.

seeing the skyscrapers in new york for the first time was a really formative experience for him. that sense of awe he felt eventually inspired his interest in art deco and futurist art. new york became the base for his imaginary city of Meliora. (this is partly inspired by my own experience as a native californian because we don't really have tall buildings in california and i FREAKED OUT when i visited new york and chicago and saw REAL tall buildings.)

Terzo's mother was an artist and he spent a lot of time in the studio with her and her artist friends. their apartment walls were covered with Terzo's own art.

art and music and culture have always been at the center of Terzo's life. he and his mom would always be listening to music or viewing art galleries or watching movies together. i think Terzo's dynamic with his mother was very much like this anecdote from Carly Rae Jepsen:

My mom and I would sit and meticulously go through Leonard Cohen and Joni Mitchell lyrics together. Even from a young age I remember her being like, “I’m playing this Leonard Cohen song called ‘Famous Blue Raincoat,’ and when it’s done I want you to tell me what’s going on in it.” She would give me like a fake glass of wine when I was 8, and I would listen and be like, “I think there was an affair.” Pitchfork - Carly Rae Jepsen on the Music That Made Her (2019)

Terzo turned out to be a gifted child. super smart and naturally talented at a lot of things, but he particularly loved to build with lego / blocks and play piano.

Terzo had a great relationship with his mom. she always supported him and encouraged him to pursue his interests and to do his best.

Terzo missed his dad though. his parents had been together long enough for Terzo to remember him. he was just a kid. he didn't know any better.

when Ghost debuted and Nihil became an internationally famous one-hit wonder, Terzo developed this idealized image of Nihil as a cool rock star cultural icon in his head. idolized him a bit.

after this, Terzo decided he wanted to get serious about becoming an entertainer / musician. started doing piano recitals and competitions. youth theater. film club. all the things.

if anyone asked Terzo why he wanted to become an entertainer, he'd tell them it's because it's what he's good at. and he's always wanted to be famous. which was true, but...

what he wouldn't tell them is that a part of him was trying to emulate [his idea of] his dad and secretly hoping that if he shared that interest / became famous his dad would want come back into his life.

he knew his mom was always there supporting him, but every time he went onstage he would look out into the audience hoping his dad might be there to surprise him. (he never was.)

Nihil was the first of many many disappointments in Terzo's life.

oops! i made it sad.

anyway here's a doodle of kid Terzo getting a postcard from his dad... he didn't hear from his dad again for a very. very long time after that.

there are a lot of details i haven't square hammered out, but it's okay because these headcanons are mostly for me to like, frame Terzo's character development over time. might post more later :)

[lambtotheslaughterr]

I Burn : Part Nine

A Rafe Cameron Mini Series

[THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN THEMES OF NON-CON/DUB-CON, MENTAL-EMOTIONAL-PHYSICAL ABUSE, ETC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. 18+. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT]

WC: 3.6k

Dividers provided by @firefly-graphics

PART EIGHT | MASTERLIST | FINALE

IMPORTANT NOTE* hey ya’ll! just a reminder that my requests are OPEN. please read this POST before making any requests as i have rules in place. there are three spots left (which you will see at the bottom of the linked post). so get your requests in if you’re wanting to use me;p

            You twirled in your hotel bathroom, admiring your dress in the mirror. A bright smile on your face. You were looking forward to the night. Your dad, having won his lawsuit against John a little over a month ago, was attending a charity gala & your mother was unable to attend as she was busy with work. So, your father had asked if you would be date. You happily accepted.

            Ever since you left the facility two months ago, your relationship with your father had improved. He had made a complete 180 in light of Dr. Mooney’s assault charges. Your father had apologized to you, a genuine one, hugging you & holding you, promising he would never let another man let you down, let alone himself. It was all you could ever truly want, to be accepted by your father. Now, more than ever, your father-daughter relationship was thriving.

            After you accused Dr. Mooney of rape, the investigators were quick to get to work. They completed a rape kit on you which did indeed prove that there was a recent intrusion. There had been no DNA of course since you made Rafe wear a condom, but the bruises that formed on your upper arms matched Dr. Mooney’s hand size, & those bruises were indeed from him. From when you quite perfectly framed him as he held you down on the couch.

            What solidified the case more so, however, because Dr. Mooney pleaded innocent, was Albert’s testimony. He revealed the rumor about Dr. Mooney & a former patient that he had told you about. After a deep dive into the allegations, it was revealed that Dr. Mooney did have a relationship with the former patient, though she insisted it was consensual. But the nurse who was with you most of that fateful day, Nurse Graham, played the part of witness, sharing that she overheard Dr. Mooney & yours conversation in your room right before you went to his office. The case was solid & closed. Dr. Mooney was effectively removed from his position at Arrowhead & was sentenced to three years in prison. It wasn’t as long as you would have preferred, but you were content with it. Dr. Mooney had gotten what he deserved. You had won.

            Of course, you were forced to play the victim for some time, isolating yourself, struggling to talk in therapy. But as the weeks passed, you felt safe to open up more, to be yourself again. No one questioned the truth. Sometimes, very rare times, you did feel guilty for changing the course of Dr. Mooney’s life. It was no surprise that his affair with Nurse Carney was revealed, ultimately leading to his wife leaving him. He was completely alone. And you were free, surrounded by those who swore to love you just as you were.

            What ate away the most at you was how there were countless rape victims out there, real rape victims, whose cases were going unjustified. That you conjured up the whole case & succeeded in getting an innocent man imprisoned. But you argued to yourself that Dr. Mooney was a shitty person, that he deserved some sort of consequence for his lies & false authority. It was a win to you, & that’s all you really cared about.

            Fortunately, you didn’t think on it much. After Dr. Mooney was removed from the facility, Dr. Frazer made the decision to close the Arrowhead for the summer, to hire new doctors & nurses, to re-write policies & protocols, to ensure that something like your case never happened again. It was the least he could do, after all.

            So, with Arrowhead closed, Albert finally reached out. He was apologetic for his coldness to you in those last days, but you reassured him that you didn’t blame him. You had called him weak, after all. But the two of you would talk on the phone every now & then. He was near the end of his program when Arrowhead closed so he was given the ‘okay’ to re-enter life in the real world. He & his boyfriend moved in together & he was starting a new job as a drug counselor at the high school in his hometown. You were glad to have Albert back.

            Grabbing your phone off the counter, you snapped a couple pictures of yourself in the gown you wore, sending them to Albert. He replied with heart eyes. You giggled, clicking your phone off. Just as you did, there was a light knock on your door.

            “_____, it’s near time to leave. Are you about ready?” You father asked from the other side.

            You touched up your hair just a tad before going to the door, opening it. You grinned up at your father in his black-tie suit. He looked handsome. You were glad to be on his arm that night.

            “How do I look?” You asked, twirling yet again for him.

            Your father grinned, his eyes taking you in, “You look beautiful.”

            “Thank you, daddy.”

            Your father offered his arm to you then, “The car is waiting downstairs.”

            Quickly, you grabbed your Yves Saint-Laurent clutch & tangled your arm with your father’s. He led the two of you out of your hotel suite & to the elevators. On the ground floor out front, there was a sleek black sedan waiting for the two of you. Your father opened the back door for you as you slipped inside, sure to be careful not to catch your heel on the frame. Your father followed after you.

            The town where the charity gala was being held was in a town you had never heard of. It was small but upper class, similar to the town you lived in. It was called Kildare & lied along the Atlantic coast. And even though the end of summer was nearing, you couldn’t feel it in the air. It was still warm out & the breeze from the ocean helped keep it cool. You had spent the day earlier today shopping along the boardwalks & indulging in the cute café’s. You were happy to be here with your father.

            In the car, your father clacked away on his phone, likely responding to emails, so you just watched as the quaint little beach down passed you by. After about twenty minutes, the car pulled into a beautifully crafted country club. It had clearly been decorated for tonight’s event. There were lights tangled around the trunks of trees, a handful of elegantly crafted benches, & even a pearl colored carpet that invited guests would walk on as they entered the gala.

            Yet again, your father offered his arm & you took it, admiring the building you were entering. You had no idea what the charity event was for but you didn’t really care to. You were just glad to be seen in public with your father after his lawsuit. Not that anyone knew about it since it wasn’t public knowledge, but you wanted people to see that your father was proud of the daughter he had on his arm.

            Inside the venue, you were aghast at the fantastical elements of it. The interior & décor of it all made your heart leap with joy. It would be one of the first events you attended after returning home, family gatherings not included. You were more than ready to have fun, but of course, not too much fun.

            Your father kisses you on your temple, releasing you, "I'm going to go find the host, why don’t you find us a table?”

            “Okay.” You smiled.

            Before finding a table, you chose to take a stroll though the gala. There were hundreds of people, everyone dressed to the nines. You easily fit in. It was a strange feeling but you welcomed it, nonetheless. Near the back of the spacious room was the many tables of food along with bowls of punch. You inspected your options, your eyes often returning to the desserts table. In the corner was an open bar. You desperately wished you were old enough to get yourself a glass of wine. And you were confident that they would give you one without checking for your ID, but with your father close, you didn’t want to risk disappointing him. Perhaps if you asked him first…

            “Craving bubbly?”

            The voice just behind you made you jump, as it was much too close. You spun around, expecting it to be a random guest speaking to another, but the eyes you met made you falter in your step.

            “Rafe…” You breathed out unbelievably.

            “Boo.” He smirked, his hands hidden inside the fitted formal pants he wore, “Ghost of Arrowhead’s past.”

            “What are you doing here?” You asked, but your eyes quickly flashed around the room in search of your father.

            “I should be asking you that. You’re on my turf, after all.”

            That brought your attention back to him. You frowned, “Your turf?”

            Rafe smirked, “Kildare. My home.”

            A lump formed in your throat. What were the chances? Really? What were the fucking odds that the key to your rape accusation would be standing right before you. Far from Arrowhead.

            “You’re looking a little sick, _____. Spooked?”

            “No, no.” You shook your head but he was right. You were beginning to feel dizzy & nauseous. “It’s nice to see you.”

            Rafe chuckled darkly at that. He took a step forward & you were quick to step away from him. But he continued walking past you to the nearby bar.

            “Two glasses of the house red.” He ordered from the bar, but his eyes trailed back to you.

            You felt rooted to your spot, unable to move away from him. Had you known that you were going to run into Rafe Cameron of all people, you would have stayed at the hotel.

            The bartender handed Rafe the two glasses of wine. Rafe turned back towards you, offering you one of the glasses. You stared dumbly at the crimson liquid then at the hand holding the glass before trailing back to his eyes. He looked devious in the dimly lit space.

            “I shouldn’t.”

            Rafe stepped closer, his voice lower, “We shouldn’t do a lot of things, but that doesn’t stop us, does it?”

            You gulped. With a shaky hand, you accepted the glass but didn’t take a sip. Your father be damned, you didn’t trust yourself to drink now. Not with the one person who knew the truth about your darkest secret.

            Rafe tipped the glass, savoring the taste of the wine as he peered at you. You shifted uncomfortably under his stare.

            “Well, it was nice seeing you.” You mumbled, “Thanks.”

            You were about ready to spin away & run off but Rafe was quick to gently snatch your elbow. Your skin tingled & burned where his fingers grazed you.

            “Running away? So soon?” Rafe clicked his teeth in disappointment, “The party is just beginning.”

            All your fire & blissful independence evaporated as he held you close. He clinked his glass to yours, “Indulge.”

            Knowing he wouldn’t let you go until you obliged, you were quick to bring the glass of wine to your lips. Uncaring of any potential curious stares, you quickly downed the wine, the smokey & sweet flavor going unappreciated as you swallowed it all. You released a breath of air, handing the glass back to him.

            “I have to go.”

            “Wait, wait, Cinderella.” Rafe tugged you closer. He tucked your empty glass under one of his arms as he used his free hand to reach for your face. You jolted back but he held you tight. You stared wide-eyed at him as his thumb brushed against your lower lip. When he pulled it away, you noted the stain of wine on his finger, mixed with the maroon color of your lipstick. Rafe stuck his thumb in his mouth, sucking the flavor. You felt your lips part as you watched the action.

            “As good as I remember.” His eyes twinkled.

            You ripped yourself away from him then, snaking your way through the plethora of people before you found your father. He was sitting at a table with a man & woman who looked familiar. But how could they? There would be no one here you would know. Or at least you thought that until Rafe appeared out of the depths of hell.

            “Dad.” You tried to sound as normal as possible, but your heart was racing with panic.

            “There you are.” He grinned proudly up at you, “_____, this is a friend of mine, Ward & his wife, Rose.”

            You offered the couple a polite smile before moving to sit down next to your father.

            “Your dress is beautiful, _____.” Rose, who was quite younger than her husband, commented.

            “Thank you.” You replied softly.

            Ward eyed you then. But it wasn’t the kind of eyeing you were accustomed to when it came to meeting new men. He looked at you as if he saw right through you, not like he was admiring your youthful beauty.

            “My son was right, Harold. Your daughter is something.” Ward shared with your father, but his eyes never strayed from you.

            Your father smiled at that, though it appeared force. All the while, you were confused by the comment.

            “I’m sorry.” You chuckled awkwardly, “Your son?”

            Then, like the phrase goes, speak of the devil & he shall appear, Rafe appeared just behind Ward & Rose.

            “Oh.” You failed at hiding your distress.

            “You two were at Arrowhead not too long ago.” Ward pointed out, but it wasn’t necessary. Of course you knew where you met Rafe.

            Your father shifted in his chair, his eyes falling to Rafe’s as he took a spot on the other side of Rose, an empty chair just between the two of you. It was clear your father didn’t trust Rafe. So, why was he ‘friends’ with Ward?

            You forced a smile, “Hello, Rafe.”

            “_____.” Rafe returned, his voice thick with mischievousness.

            “Rafe told us about how you were the only one friendly to him.” Rose commented, her smile bright as she said as such.

            “She was definitely the most welcoming.” Rafe added, the tone in his voice playful.

            You felt your father’s eyes on you but you made it point to not face him. You had only just gotten his trust & acceptance back not too long ago. You’d be damned if Rafe would ruin that.

            “Rafe.” You said his name firmly, “Would you dance with me?”

            Rafe’s eyes glinted under the light at your offer.

            “I don’t think that’s the best idea, _____.” Your father said, though his voice was low. You met his eyes, seeing the uncertainty there, but you needed to get Rafe away from your father.

            “Let the kids be kids, Harold. We’ve got business to discuss, anyway.” Ward leaned back in his chair, staring comfortably at both you & your father.

            You could see the struggle occurring within your father but he ultimately inhaled sharply, nodding, “Stay where I can see you.”

            “Harold,” Ward laughed loudly, “You baby her. She’s quite the grown woman as far as I can see.”

            Your father ignored Ward’s passive aggressive comment, instead turning to you, “As I said, _____.”

            “Of course, Dad.”

            Rising from your chair, Rafe was quickly beside you, offering his arm. You reluctantly took it. As you did, you didn’t miss how Rafe’s father’s eyes never left the two of you as Rafe led the way to the dance floor.

            On the dance floor, Rafe was swift in ensnaring one of your hands in his own before circling his arm around your waist, practically pressed your chest against his own.

            Watch Me Burn by Michele Morrone began playing & Rafe moved your bodies in time with the music. It didn’t pass you by how fitting the music was in that exact moment. The song having been shot to stardom thanks to the erotic foreign films 365 Days. A trilogy focused on the tumultuous & tense sexual relationship between two people who shouldn’t be together. You had gotten yourself off to it a handful of times when they first came out. But now, you only felt extreme discomfort.

            Rafe cocked his head, watching you intently as you looked everywhere but at him.

            At the first chorus, Rafe twirled you before catching you firmly then dipping you. You stared hard at him.

            “Bring back memories?”

            He returned you upright, his hands finding your arms to drape them over his shoulders. His own hands found themselves on your hips. Despite the thick layers of the dress, you could feel his heat, & how it made your body feel like it was on fire.

            “Why are you doing this?” You asked, your voice low so only he could hear you.

            “Because I can.” He responded curtly.

            You glared up at him as he pressed your more against him, his hands trailing along your lower back.

            “That’s not a good enough reason.”

            He chuckled at that, shaking his head knowingly, “And what was your reasoning?”

            “For what?” You bit back.

            Rafe narrowed his eyes, smirking, “You know exactly what.”

            You pressed your lips together, licking them in distress. Rafe’s eyes flashed to the movement, his own lips parting.

            “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Your voice shook.

            He leaned forward until his lips were at your ear, “You’re a bad liar, _____.”

            You gasped softly. It was foolish of you to think Rafe couldn’t put two & two together. He was an ass, but he wasn’t dumb.

            “But you fooled the police.”

            At the mention of the police, you attempted to shove yourself away, but Rafe was secure in holding you against him.

            “I didn’t fool anyone.” You snarled. “What happened, happened.”

            Rafe nodded, “If you say so.”

            “I do.” You lowered your eyes, “You don’t know anything.”

            Rafe hummed at that, “Maybe. But what I do know is that you gave me a going away gift at a very crucial time in your life. And Dr. Mooney’s.”

            You stopped dancing. Rafe copied. The two of you stood still on the dance floor, staring hard at one another.

            “I wonder what would happen to Dr. Mooney’s sentence if I came forward with what I know. With what we did.”

            “You wouldn’t.” You dropped your arms from his shoulders.

            “Watch me.”

            Tearing away from him, you made to leave the floor but Rafe was, as always, quick like a snake to snatch your wrist. He yanked you back to him before he planted his mouth on yours. You cried softly into the kiss before catching his lower lip between your teeth & sinking them in.

            Rafe ripped away, bringing his fingers to his lip. Blood spotted his fingertips.

            “I forgot that you liked it rough.”

            Unsettled at his comment, you stepped backwards, “Stay away from me. I mean it.”

            Rafe glowered, a devilish smile gracing his unacceptable handsome features.

            You spun away from him, desperate to create distance, but as you did, you didn’t miss the parting greeting he offered.

            “No promises.”

            The rest of the night you managed to avoid being within 10 feet of Rafe. He was always there though. Even when you couldn’t see him, you could feel his eyes burning into you, always watching you.

            You stayed glued to your father’s side, & you were grateful that when you found him after your tense dance with Rafe that he was no longer with Ward Cameron. The whole night, you entertained small talk with your father’s acquaintances but never strayed. You barely even had the nerve to look around the room, fearful you’d meet the dangerous blues you were desperate to never see again.

            It wasn’t until you & your father were in the car back to the hotel that you finally managed to relax, though Rafe’s threat still lingered heavily on your mind. Would he go so far as to totally counteract everything you had done? You wouldn’t put it past him.

            But your relaxation was short-lived once in the hotel suite. Before you could disappear to your room for the night, to get plenty of sleep for the drive back home to Virginia Beach tomorrow. It wouldn’t be a long drive, less than two hours, but you wanted to sleep away the tension from the night’s event. Your father stopped you though.

            “We’re extending our stay for another day.” He shared as he began to undo his tie.

            You frowned, glancing at him, “How come?”

            He sighed heavily, sitting down at the only dining table in the suite to unlace his shoes, “The Cameron’s invited us to dinner.”

            You felt your heart falter. No.

            “And I accepted. You’re expected to come with me.”

            Your body began to shake, “Do I have to?”

            “Yes, _____.” His voice was tense, & he wouldn’t look you in the eyes. Something was going on. He knew something you didn’t.

            “But—”

            “No buts, _____. You’re coming with me tomorrow evening & that’s final.” He stood up, unbuttoning the cuffs on his dress jacket. His eyes finally met yours. The look there felt like someone was pouring a bucket of Icelandic water over you. It was a look you knew well, one you hadn’t seen in a couple months. He knew. Your father knew.

            “Okay, Daddy.” You mumbled as you felt your lips begin to shake.

            “Now, go to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

            Nodding once, you walked fast to your room, your head hung low.

            In your room, you were quick to disappear into the bathroom, flicking the light on. Tears were already falling as you stared at yourself in the mirror. The novelty of the dress, of coming here with you father, of being the perfect daughter, had quickly rotted away.

            You glared at yourself in the mirror, the ink from your eyeliner & mascara leaving smudged black trails along your cheeks. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be. Tomorrow, you would wake up & everything would be as it was. Your father would say your name with pride, he would be proud to call you his daughter. But no. You saw it coming & there was no stopping it.

            Your father would see you exactly as you were. The Cameron’s would make sure of it.

drumroll please!!! the finale of I Burn is next. & it will be the end of another era. it's indeed a bittersweet feeling but i'm excited to begin writing The Taming featuring Clark Kent.

also, how was the dance scene? i really wanted to incorporate lyrics from the song to match their conversation but do it subtly. comments?

as always, please share your thoughts w me! i'm so so curious to hear your thoughts with the end near. please share w me via comments, reblogging w reviews, or dropping as ask.

thank you for reading!

beau<3

Requests are currently OPEN.

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[my love language is words of affirmation, it would make my day if you could comment your thoughts, reblog with tags, or drop an ask that shows your support. thank you for reading tumblr writers, we appreciate you]

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[lurkingshan]

Goodbye Cooking Crush

Aw man, I am so sad this wonderful little show is over. It delivered everything I needed and held up all the way through its run. Everything came together in this finale for some great final payoffs, and the characters stayed true. When we were watching the finale I said to @neuroticbookworm and @twig-tea that this show is writing porn, because all of the narrative threads build and converge in such a satisfying way. I posted a couple weeks ago that this show is exactly what you want from a good romcom, and I stand by it. Great outing for OffGun and a very rewarding show that I will surely be rewatching many times.

As expected, this week delivered a solid, nuanced ending for Ten's family conflict. I loved the way Ten sat Prem down at the family table, took the chair opposite his father at the other end of the table in a clear power move, and told him in no uncertain terms that Prem was his boyfriend and he had to accept it. And his dad did not have a sudden personality transplant; he pushed back and challenged Prem to prove his integrity. It made sense to me that Prem wanted to pay that money back; the money scam from the beginning of their relationship has been weighing on him the whole time, and he doesn't want any shred of doubt lingering over his relationship with his in-laws. My favorite part of that whole sequence was Prem's grandma finally finding out about the money and getting out her switch; this was never Prem's burden to bear alone and I'm glad he learned his lesson about not asking for help.

So Ten's dad was forced to accept Prem when he came through on his promise, and he even offered a classic Asian parent version of an apology by coming to Prem's restaurant to acknowledge him, which is more than I expected from him. My favorite thing about that final scene at the restaurant is that Ten's dad hasn't really changed and he and Ten are not suddenly getting along; their conversation was still adversarial even as he finally explained a couple things, and in the end he was left to eat at the table alone. No unearned parental 180 here. They are not suddenly a big happy family, but they've settled on a detente everyone can live with. It feels right.

And in another family drama, Fire finally found the courage to tell his mother how much she has hurt him, and after an initial rejection, she realized she didn't want to lose Fire and offered him acceptance. I would have liked a bit more breathing room in this plot because her turn felt a little too easy, but it's a side story so I get that they were time constrained. It was nice to see Fire finally stand up for her, and Dynamite begrudgingly accepted into the family. I liked that Dy's family didn't magically appear; not all families will accept their queer children, and that is the reality he has to live with. But it must have felt somewhat healing to see that happen for Fire and know he was a big part of giving Fire the courage to finally come out.

Meanwhile, the Three Must-Eat-Ers lost the cooking competition but won the hearts of many with the touching story of their final dish, and built careers bolstered by their show fandom. I was so pleased to get the flash forward to show us that Prem did get to open his chef's table restaurant, with Ten's full support (and with rings of some sort on, not sure if they're engaged or married but they are definitely committed). It was the very sweet cherry on top of the ice cream sundae of their romance. Ten and Prem, Communication Kings, are going down as one of my all-time favorite bl couples.

I am agnostic on the final Samsee/Pang reveal, given my hopes for a Samsee/Metha pairing. I'm not mad at the show for not going there--it would definitely have been pairing the spares to put Samsee and Metha together, which I generally do not go in for--and am mostly happy that Samsee found love and Metha is still part of the gang. I would have also loved to see those bullies get some comeuppance, but honestly, bullies often win, and it didn't feel like a true loss for our boys so I'm good with it. This was a solid finale for a feel good show and I will miss it dearly.

[cherryys]

the people (megumi fans or me) need to start writing the character study fics because clearly gege is not interested in delving into anything megumi related in a meaningful way (tsumiki, toji, gojo, etc)

I'm actually gonna use this ask to talk about how apart from megumi and yuuji, no relationship megumi has is truly elaborated in full capacity. tsumiki isn't even her own character so all we know of their relationship is that they only had each other and what megumi thinks of her, and we can barely piece together what tsumiki thought of megumi (not from her obviously)

the complete lack of dynamic with sukuna despite the build-up for it.

no solid dynamic with nobara, either. while megumi and yuuji and nobara and yuuji both respectively have their "special" moment and dynamic (itafushi's "save me" and itakugi's "we're accomplices, aren't we?") nobara and megumi don't have that. the only two times they have an isolated conversation, it's both about yuuji. in the first one, they mourn yuuji and then never show them actually getting closer beyond that, and in the second it's megumi talking about the fingers and how he doesn't want to tell yuuji. and I would've said it was special that he's trusting her with a secret, but it barely holds up when it's still about yuuji. they don't have anything that only they have and it's frustrating.

and while I'm not really toji's biggest fan, I don't like how that relationship was concluded with barely a letter only saying gojo killed him and that's it. that's such an underwhelming way to handle it but I digress. I was never really of the belief that megumi knowing about toji would change anything, but i would've liked megumi express what he actually thinks about this. a laugh doesn't really tell me anything. is it because it's so ridiculous? is it because it doesn't matter to him (lie)? is it because of the way the letter is presented? what does he truly think about the fact that his dad is dead? we never get an answer, and it's a consistent problem with megumi too.

and gojo. oh where do i begin with gojo. his relationship with megumi is so intruiging and it's a damn fucking shame it's never elaborated on. I know sometimes people say "it's not underdeveloped you're just overestimating it. they're nothing more than teacher-student" but I disagree with this. it's much more than just a teacher-student relationship. it's so complex and multi-layered but it's never elaborated on beyond speculation. all we have of their dynamic is gojo telling megumi about this latent "potential" he has. and that's it. though I'm maybe holding out on this because of him seeing yuuta in gojo's body next chapter so maybe we'll get an elaboration but I still wouldn't hold my breath over it. the fact he doesn't react to gojo's death either is driving me insane. nor is the whole yuuta thing, either. but it still doesn't negate the fact that they... barely have any scenes together so their dynamic is always up for interpretation. and this ambiguity would work if they both weren't very important characters to the story that take the center stage most times.

it just seems gege didn't care about his relationships that much and it makes it all so... half-assed.

[phoenixyfriend]

Star Wars Omegaverse Recs

Here's a couple solid omegaverse fics. This list is shorter than most of the ones I write but Meh.

Stars are for my favorites.

⭐ The Rain Fell Already by @loosingmoreletters: variation on Jedi Indentured AU containing omegaverse. Xanatos is omega Qui-Gon's bio kid but nothing changes, depressing but poignant

House Call by @elthadriel: two idiots knot while on medication that requires no knotting because it can get stuck for literal hours. Kix has to help and he is very annoyed about it

Status Quo by @captainkirkk: (G-rated) Anakin responds to Obi-Wan in a "you are my dad" way and the clones are surprised pikachu about it

⭐ Temporary Like Achilles by @intermundia: standard-ish fuck-or-die scenario where both sides are like "I can't take advantage of you/I just took advantage of you" because of course they are. (This author has a lot of solid Obikin, but they have me blocked (no I don't know why) so I can't tag them.)

⭐ He Said Yes by @threebea: (G-rated) B!Quinlan and O!Obi-Wan get mated for Obi-Wan's safety, the nature of their relationship is unclear to basically everyone (romantic? qp? other? unclear)

venus flytrap by IntoThineHands: Sith!Obi, role reversal of trope standard (omega deliberately takes advantage of an alpha)

Bite of Caramel by @thewriterowl: A!Jango needs a date to the family reunion, asks O!Obi-Wan to accompany him

⭐ good things in threes by @galateagalvanized: Codywan accidental pregnancy after O!Obi-Wan's implant gets nullified by an overpowered EMP (along with Cody's brain chip)

all my roads lead back to you by @tennessoui: idiots to lovers comedy (modern au, Obi-Wan got pregnant in a one-night stand across the country with a bartender who kind of looked like Anakin, because he's in love with his roommate but can't come clean and so hooks up with guys who look like him, and Anakin is in love with Obi-Wan enough that he's decided to be the Dad Who Stepped Up to this kid because anything Obi-Wan makes is part of Obi-Wan and obviously deserving of adoration)

The Theory of Letting Go by @ifonlyweknewwhatiwasdoing: never a Jedi!Anakin, Padme dead of uterine rupture, Obi-Wan hormonally addled and insistent on taking care of the twins like they're his own

The Swan Serenade by @shatouto: heavily AU, Mando!Anakin and Jedi-but-more-like-real-world-monks!Obi. (Has the most adorable art in the end of chapter notes, btw)

For Safekeeping by @glimmerglanger: Sith O!Obi-Wan feels safe because of the army of clones, which is the first time he's felt safe enough to have a heat, ends up fucked by his army of betas

when the snow falls we will wrap ourselves in furs by @hornet394: the fic I reread that had me going "I want Rex with O!Anakin but being in character" because this is one of the few omegaverse Rexwalkers that hits that button for me (though it's technically Anakin/501st poly stuff)

⭐ Find a little stranger by @obimanletkenobi: Villain!Obidala, both alphas, find Anakin at an omega auction, decide to ask him to play surrogate for their child since they can't do it themselves (with the offer to drop him off on a random planet with a wiped memory and enough cash to start a new life as a free man if he doesn't want to get pregnant), followed by smut

Belonging by IronCannon: this is the OTHER solid omegaverse Rexwalker

⭐ Conceal Me by @himboskywalker: longfic that is VERY good imo and builds the tension incredibly. Anakin is an omega pretending to be an alpha (literally the only people alive that know he's omega are his mother and the midwife). Senator Obi-Wan is an alpha pretending to be a beta (for weird reasons relating to his parents being kind of insane). They get married for politics, suggested by Palpatine because he found out about Obi-Wan being an alpha but not about Anakin, and decided a forced alpha/alpha marriage was going to self-destruct and help destabilize the Republic further.

Both by @obimanletkenobi: Anakin is the omegaverse equivalent of intersex and this explores the ways he's fetishized and discriminated against by the culture around him.

Peachy the Series by @the-writing-mill: IDK what to say, if you want 15k of O!Obi-Wan getting absolutely railed by two alphas, this is the fic for you

⭐ Packed Together Like Test Tubes also by @the-writing-mill: Jangobi, forced on both sides. Neither of them wants to mate, but the Kaminoans are forcing the issue with synthetic pheromones. It takes several weeks to get to that point and they are both fighting it with every ounce of willpower they have.

⭐ [Only] Think of Me by @inferior-fairy: Empress Amidala and Emperor Kenobi need Anakin to not go off the rails again, but they need a reason for him to want to stay because they love him too much to force the issue (and make him hate them) with chains or the like. So they give him Babies.

⭐ unfortunately it seems I have written more by @gaily-daily: Look at me. LOOK at me. This is fucked up and ugly and horrible and awful and messy and triggering and so incredibly well written as a dawning horror situation. Dead Dove at its finest. It is incredibly good as a story, but it is also really bad, and you need to go in accepting that. Without details, it's messy/triggering in the GoT sense.

⭐ terribly inconvenient and incredibly terrific by @tennessoui: A classic "Anakin wants to do something he is in no way qualified for and then suffers the consequences for his idiocy" plot, very fun.

I can fill those places in your heart no else can by @pontah: modern au post-breakup revenge sex I guess???

Ba’jurir by @mockingjay34: Rex/Fives, explores the intersection of anti-clone bigotry and anti-omega sexism.

Out in the Corner of the Dark with You by kazmir: a 5+1 fic about Anakin giving Obi-Wan a bunch of soft things as courting gifts

instincts by amidnightlove: just some fun and funky 'cycles make people go a little feral' stuff

EDIT: I missed a bunch so there's a Part Two!

[dr-spectre]

What are your headcanons on each of the idols' families?

For example: I headcanon the Squid Sisters to be the daughters of that one cuttlefish idol group; with Marie being the kid of the one in blue while Callie is the kid of the one in pink.

(I'd especially would love to know your headcanons on Marina's family since there's ZERO mention of them)

My headcanons on each of the idols' families? Hmm, that's a very interesting question.

I feel like Callie and Marie's parents used to be idols themselves, and that's why they made them sing at folk singing competitions when they were kids. They probably didn't force them to do it either as Callie and Marie have a genuine passion for music and they never speak poorly about their parents. So it all worked out in the end for them. Maybe their parents were the Idols you are talking about, that is an interesting theory/headcanon.

Pearl's parents to me, probably suck and are just pompous rich assholes. Standard typical rich parents that treat their child as a toy they can put their money into and not their love. I think they might have been the reason on why Pearl decided to become a punk rocker for a bit, because she wanted to rebel and say "MAN SCREW YOU MUM AND DAD!!!!!!"

Now Marina's parents/family? I think they were just never in the picture to be honest. They just raised her to be a perfect solider and nothing more, because Octarian society is always in a state of collapse so... There's no room in their eyes to properly raise a child unfortunately...

Maybe it explains why Marina becomes so in love with Pearl, because she's the only person in her life who has given her any sort of love and respect.... No wonder she fucking freaks out when Pearl even remotely suggestions Off the Hook breaking apart in the Final Fest dialogue.... I'm gonna leave it there before i start feeling sad for my girl Marina.

ANYWAYS! Shiver's parents/family

I feel like they are the very distant and cold type of parents. They probably didn't treat her all that warmly and they disciplined her a lot so that she can become a powerful shark tamer. I don't Shiver's parents were physically abusing her or anything, i think they were just being VERY strict with her and not being the most lovey dovey parents out there you know?

It might explain why Shiver calls herself cold blooded but she still desperately wants to hang out with her high school buddies Frye and Big Man.... She didn't get that warm attention she needed as a kid and now seeks it badly as an adult....

I headcanon Shiver as a lonely person who struggles with loneliness and doesn't know how to properly show her love to others. She tried to set up a hang out plan for FrostyFest as shown by the dialogue but... it didn't pan out as she wanted... It probably destroyed her...

Damn... I'm getting real sad with these huh? HAHAHA! Okay, no more sad shit.

Frye's family is probably amazing and quite large. I can imagine get-togethers to be humongous and Frye loves to see her family. She has such a strong connection to her siblings and i bet her parents too. Frye probably has the best relationship with her family out of any of the 7 Idols.

I mean look at this joyful little fella, she must have had great parents to make her end up into becoming this happy little gal.

Big Man? I'm gonna be honest, i got nothing for him...

He's my least favourite Idol and i genuinely don't care enough about him to come up with headcanons. I'm so sorry Big Man fans. He aint a pretty cephalopod woman so i don't care (I'm joking.)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for holding a grudge against my sister?

A few years ago, I (25F) accidentally locked myself out of my car after taking my dog to the vet. My cell phone was around 15%, my service was low, the vet office was closing, and I was 90 minutes from home on a very rural road I didn't know.

I called my sister (29F) for help. I wanted her to get me the number for AAA since I didn't have my card on me. She told me that she was busy at work preparing for Open House at her school the next day and told me to look it up online. I tried to explain that my phone was close to dying and she replied that she was stressed out too and she didn't have time to deal with this.

After a terse conversation, I did look up the number and called AAA. It turned out that our service had not only expired, but because we had moved we would need a new account. My sister and I shared our AAA account (a gift from our dad), so I called her back again. I explained that I needed her to login on her computer and fix our account so I could call AAA for help. She yelled at me that she didn't have time for any of this and that she was really stressed out about having parents in her classroom the next day. (For context, she has an anxiety disorder and was a newish teacher.) I tried to explain again that my phone was close to dying and once it did I wouldn't have access to any communication. The vet office had closed and the nearest town was at least three miles down the road.

She just kept on talking about how stressed she was and how she didn't have time. I don't like confrontation and my sister is much more forceful than I am, but this time I really did try to push back. I told her that I needed her and that all she had to do was fix the account on her computer so I could call for help. She refused.

The conversation ended with me hanging up, afraid of wasting even more of my phone battery, and crying next to my car. I was already upset because of my dog's recent diagnosis (at two years old, she would need a really expensive surgery to be able to run again) and I was at the end of my rope. I don't cry easily, and I have a hard time expression deep emotions to anyone, even my sister. It felt like I was constantly helping my sister and being there for her and the one time I was the one upset and needed help she blew me off. I felt betrayed.

Eventually, I was able to call AAA again and make the payment over the phone. The woman was really great and got me help even though technically AAA rules said they shouldn't have started my service until the next day. I got my car unlocked, drove home, and never told my sister about how I upset I had been.

Flash forward a few months and guess who got a flat tire? Yup, my sister. When she tried to use AAA, she ran into the same problem I had -- our account was expired and no longer in the right area. She called me for help and asked to be added to my account...and I said no.

She got *really* mad at me and extremely stressed out. I did end up getting her towed, but I was bitter about it. It felt like her emotions were once again taking precedent over my own and that my hurt didn't matter.

This past week, my sister mentioned getting AAA again and asked about sharing an account. Ever since the incident at the vet, I have kept my individual policy and she hasn't gotten a new one. I said no. I was pretty short about it, and she seemed somewhat annoyed.

We've never talked about the vet incident or how betrayed I felt. I realize that I hung up the phone before I started crying so it is possible she doesn't know just how deeply she had hurt me. I also realize that it has been almost five years since then and our relationship is otherwise very solid, but I still hold a grudge about this.

Am I the asshole for still holding a grudge?

What are these acronyms?

[moorheadthanyoucanhandle]

ULTRA BEAUTY

Now on Netflix:

Ultraman: Rising--The very name Ultraman is a madeleine for me, evoking powerful childhood memories, often thrilling, just as often frustrating. As a kid in rural northwestern Pennsylvania in the early '70s, I used to try to tune in UHF Channel 29 from Buffalo, New York, on weekday afternoons to see reruns of the late '60s Japanese TV series about the solar-powered superhero who battled all manner of bizarre kaiju threatening humanity.

When the weather was clear, especially in the summer, I would often have a good signal, and I'd get a clear picture of the weird psychedelic paint swirls out of which the show's opening title would take shape. When the weather was lousy or wintry, I'd usually get nothing but snow, and great would be my indignant disappointment.

In the early iteration of the show that I loved (1966-67), created by Godzilla special effects master Eiji Tsuburaya, Ultraman was the alter-ego of Clark Kent-esque Hayata, an intrepid member of the "Science Patrol." This agency was tasked with animal control duties on the myriad massive monsters that regularly inconvenience Japanese society and threaten its infrastructure. When the situation became sufficiently desperate, Hayata would excuse himself and press a button on the "Beta Capsule" he carried, thus transforming himself into the sleek android giant, who would then fight the creature in question with a combination of martial arts and a variety of rays he could shoot from different parts of his body.

Ultraman's might was short-lived, however. Very early in the fight, a small warning light in the center of his chest would begin to flash, and the narrator, in the English-dubbed versions I saw, would gravely intone (if memory serves): "The energy which Ultraman draws from the sun diminishes rapidly in Earth's atmosphere. The warning light begins to blink. If it stops blinking before he returns to the sun, Ultraman will never rise again!" Or something like that. It seemed pretty urgent, every episode.

The franchise has continued in Japan throughout the decades, over dozens of series with differing characters, as well as movies, comics, video games etc. I never followed any of them. This animated feature from Netflix, however, is of American origin, though it's set in Japan and is an unmistakably loving homage. Directed by Shannon Tindle from a script he wrote with Marc Haimes, this one gives The Big U a new alter-ego, a handsome baseball star named Sato, who is estranged from his father, a scientist who once had the Ultraman secret identity gig.

Early on, a winged monster's baby imprints on Sato/Ultraman (voiced by Christopher Sean) and regards him as his parent. The story involves our hero's efforts, aided by a flying robotic sphere (Tamlyn Tomita) to protect the baby from the schemes of the kaiju-hating Dr. Onda (Keone Young), and also to mend his relationship with his Dad (Gedde Watanabe).

The old show was deeply silly but visually elegant; this new feature is visually elegant but balances the silliness with a sincere attempt at solid characterizations and relationships. It's an entertaining movie, but it does have a large downside, at least for me: I found the baby kaiju grotesquely cutesy; it looks like a mutant human baby in a tacky Halloween costume. It's like an Anne Geddes photo gone nightmarish.

In general, I could have done with more full-grown kaiju action. But the finale of Ultraman: Rising is fairly spectacular, and there's a lot to like in this movie. I would welcome future installments in this series. I particularly like the idea of an Ultraman who treats kaiju as humanely as possible. Or, rather, ultra-humanely.