#me finding shiny things on the internet instead of doing literally anything else

[blue-lollipops-and-ice-clouds]

(Source - holmsgaard_photography)

[chilly-me-softly]

Lifespan • Mason Mount

Warning: mention of death, other than that I hope you like it x

-

When you started to think that something was wrong, that you were different from everyone else, you were afraid. Whenever you were on the verge of talking to someone about it, you simply couldn't; the fear of being seen as crazy or not being believed was always in the forefront of your mind.

It all started when you turned twenty-one, before that you had never had a chance to believe that something was wrong with you. Your sister had just become a mother and everyone in the family was so happy with the new arrival, including you, that you went to see them with your hands full of presents as soon as you could.

That little bundle was so small and defenceless, in his cradle carefree and ready to live all the life he had ahead of him. You took him in your arms, careful not to be too rough, cuddling him for a while, captivated by that little miracle and swearing to yourself that you would do anything to be an example to him.

Something shiny on his leg had caught your attention, a series of numbers running backwards like a countdown had you raising an eyebrow in confusion. 89:54:12...11...10...09... you had brushed it tentatively but nothing happened.

"You're all right (Y/N)? Is something wrong?" the new mother had asked, seeing you focused on looking at her son's skin and knowing how you were always looking for the smallest details.

Looking up at your sister and back down at the little leg, it was all gone. Just as it had appeared it was gone and you shake your head, "Nah don't worry about it. I'm just still in shock from this beauty"

Over the next few days that episode buzzed around in your head annoyingly, you were curious wanting to find out what it was but at the same time it scared you. What if it was a curse rather than a good thing? Several times you had gone back to visit your nephew and each time the number was different, lower. And you found you could only see it once a day, the sign disappearing just as it appeared. At its own pace. You could only see it on the side of the left leg, it was hard to see when covered up and you couldn't see it on yourself.

That thought now took up all your spare time, you had even researched it on the internet but had not been very lucky. You had found out what it was at your own expense.

You had errands to run that day and got up early, it was a nice day and you thought you'd leave the car in the garage and go for a nice walk. You look down at your phone as you wait for the pedestrian light to turn green and as you do so you realise your shoe is untied. You lean down to fix it and a sparkle draws your attention to your right, a little girl apparently alone with a backpack bigger than her on her shoulders is waiting beside you. 00:00:06 is written on her leg.

The light turns green and lots of people start walking quickly before getting stuck in the red light again. You hurry walking but when people start shouting to be careful you instinctively grab that little girl by her backpack pulling her to you avoiding an accident, a truck that didn't even stop.

"Thank you, ma'am"

"Oh my god are you alright?" you murmur shocked walking the child to the other side of the pavement safely as she nods and then goes on her way, you following her with your eyes. Until she collapses to the ground and you swear your heart skipped a beat as your legs start running towards her, 00:00:00 in red on her leg.

-

Mason immediately notices something is wrong with you as soon as he opens the door, your expression blank and your face almost colourless. He immediately wraps you in a hug closing the door gently and your grip tightens when he would like to pull away to look you in the eye.

"What's going on (Y/N)?" he asks worriedly, stroking your hair as you shake your head, you held on as you tried to resuscitate that little girl in vain; as they loaded her into the ambulance with the sheet on her tiny body and even as you answered the police's questions. And you're literally exhausted, tears start to roll down your cheeks as Mason forces you to look at him, laying his hands on your cheeks gently but firmly. "You're worrying me"

"There was an accident today" you murmur with a broken voice and he takes a step back to look at you entirely and make sure with his eyes that nothing is out of place. He pulls you to his chest again as he tries to get you to move towards the couch.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" he asks softly not wanting to push you, you sit by his side leaning forward and resting your elbows on your knees. Your tongue goes to stop a tear that is falling down powerfully at that moment.

"There was a little girl" you tremble at the mere memory, "she was maybe twelve. And we were... there was a red light and then we crossed and she was alive"

"Oh babe" he sighs stroking your back, watching you shake your head.

"No Mase, she was alive on the other side of the road. Then... then she fell to the ground and-" a sob shakes your body as he looks at you helplessly.

"I knew it"

"What? Babe it was a random accident, you couldn't have known"

"I knew it Mason! I knew something was going to happen but I thought that having saved her from the truck she was going to be saved and instead..."

"What are you saying (Y/N)?"

"Mason, I'm losing my mind" you look at him genuinely scared and he wastes no time in wrapping you around himself again. "You just went through a traumatic event, it's normal for you to feel upset honey"

"No I- I need to tell you something" you sit up properly not breaking eye contact, watching him swallow but waiting for you to continue. And you tell him everything from the beginning trying to be as accurate as possible, from the birth of your nephew to the shiny writing on his leg; the research and testing to find out more and more every day, to that day when you really realised what it was by learning that you can't change fate.

"What's the point if I can't do anything to change it?" is the first thing you ask to a silent Mason, trying to absorb that strong informations all at once. And you can't blame him if he doesn't want to believe you, I mean it's kind of surreal, isn't it?

"You can see the date of people's deaths?"

"Apparently. But please call it a person's lifespan instead" he nods, his hand touching your knee to make you feel his presence and his thumb stroking you gently.

"Wow all this is just... wow. I wonder if there are more of you out there"

"You believe me?" you're on the verge of tears again as he smiles softly.

"Why wouldn't I, you have magic" he manages to make you laugh in spite of everything, a tear escaping your control but you promptly wipe it away.

"How does it work? Does it hurt?"

You shake your head, "I don't feel anything, just this light which is then replaced by numbers... I should have realised sooner" your gaze ending on Mason's legs who is thankfully wearing long trousers, no more numbers for today.

He follows your gaze, "Have you seen mine?" the question pops up and you quickly shake your head closing your eyes. "I can't see it if you've got it covered and I don't want to please"

"No hey it's okay, it's okay" slowly he pulls you with him until you're lying on the couch, you sigh settling yourself better in his arms focusing on his beating heart and nothing more.

"Have you tried searching on the internet?" you nod, "Yeah but I haven't found that much"

"Yeah but maybe now that you know what it's for you can look more properly"

"Some other time. I can't do it now"

"We'll do it together when you want to" he leaves a kiss on your temple as you give him a first sweet smile after all those tears.

-

Having someone to share all this with turned out to be a godsend. Just as he had said, since the accident Mason had been with you through everything and you had almost moved in with him.

You would have liked to say that you had learned to live with it, but the truth was that since that day you had been so afraid it might happen again that you no longer looked down. Mason had researched it for you, urging you to try this and that, sometimes much more excited about discovering new things about it than you were. But at the same time he'd also given you your space to decide how to deal with it all and you'd simply decided not to deal with it; not being able to do anything to avoid the inevitable had stopped you from studying how to live with it.

Your phone vibrates and Mason's name appears on the screen after a moment, your smile disappearing little by little as you accept the call. Hearing his voice calms you a little, but that doesn't mean you don't feel your heart in your throat when he tells you that he's in the hospital and that he and Declan were in an accident.

He needs you and you don't think twice about getting in the car and driving to him, phone to your ear as your eyes work further than your legs to try and find him as quickly as possible. And when you do, the relief is so intense that you hold him tightly to you as he groans slightly.

"How are you? Declan?"

"Just a few scratches. He was unconscious when they took him away" Mason sits back in the chair and you at his side stroking his back as you let him run through what happened with his mind, holding him in your arms when he breaks down just like he did to you when you needed him.

"(Y/N) I need you to do something for me" you don't need to make him continue any further to understand what's going through his head.

"No Mason" you shake your head seriously, "don't make me do that"

"Please (Y/N), I need to know" he murmurs looking into your eyes.

"Why? Even if it was you couldn't do anything so why would you want to know?"

"I'd like to make sure he's going to be okay and because I could be around if him..." his breath dies in his throat at the very thought.

"I can't" and you try to stop him as he shakes his head walking away to get some air, putting a glass divider between you and him.

Your gaze drifts from him to the door where nurses come in and out, your leg shaking rhythmically. You don't want to be the one to tell him that news, it would destroy him. But then why does it have to be bad news? Yeah, but what if it is?

You look at Mason one last time before getting up, your mind not even registering what you ask the nurse in the hallway; her sweet smile leading you past the room you seek.

"I'll only stay a couple of minutes, thank you very much" the nurse walks away and you watch your friend from a distance, still undecided as to whether that's the right thing to do. Silently you step into the room moving closer until you're beside the bed, Declan has a few scratches on his face and an injured shoulder at first glance but the fact that he's been unconscious for so long doesn't give the doctors the green light to dismiss him at the moment.

His legs are covered by a sheet and for a moment you think it's a sign. Your hand freezing in mid-air on the first try. And then the glow starting to appear even from under the sheet, your hand moving on its own to uncover his leg and your eyes closing at that light more brightly than usual. Your heartbeat the only thing you can hear for a moment until you open your eyes. A few tears escape your control as you pull the sheet down as if you got burned, your hand going to cover your mouth as you hurry out of that room.

"Oh (Y/N) what have you done?" you almost clash with Mason and he's quick to wrap his arms around you as you try to pull yourself together. When he hadn't seen you where he'd left you once he'd gotten back, he'd known immediately and the guilt had hit him hard.

He shouldn't have asked you, not knowing the emotional effort you have to put into all that. Declan was going to be fine and even though his fate may be another, knowing that beforehand wouldn't have changed anything; he'd be by his friend's side no matter what and putting you in that position...

"It's okay, I had to do it. If I can't use it to calm those I love, then when?"

"So...?"

"I can't know what's next for him but Declan still has a long life ahead of him" despite everything it's a relief to hear and the boy cheers slightly, his gaze inevitably shifting to his bed visible from outside.

And maybe that's what it's used for, knowing to be able to spend most of our time with someone we love; no regrets.

"Go to him" Mason leaves a kiss on your lips before going to sit next to his friend. A solid 62:03:20 runs down his leg.

[ddaenggtan]

midnight wishes | knj [M]

Granny Park's Gossip:

That boy. Never met anyone as prone to disaster as he is while being so damned smart, except maybe that roommate of his. The two of them could probably cure cancer if they wanted to, but you leave them alone for more than a few seconds and you’re liable to come back to disaster. Jiminie did say they’ve been acting a little different, though, maybe they finally wised up and made things official instead of just humping like bunnies around that apartment of theirs. Oh, am I not supposed to say that?

pairing } namjoon x reader 

word count } 10.3k { also on ao3

genre } Fluff, Smut, the smallest possible dash of angst; FWB au, Roommates au, coworkers au, slight idiots to lovers but like. lowkey. 

warnings } smut, the most smut, all the smut. Namjoon In Glasses bc that deserves its own tag. there’s multiple smutty parts, several less explicit and then one very very super explicit so for those: oral female, oral male, fingering, deepthroating, protected sex, unprotected sex, mention of semi-public sex, mentions of a sir kink, some very accidental cum eating that is hilarious and disgusting all at once. Namjoon and Slick are both complete and utter idiots, like it’s genuinely a miracle that they’ve lived this long, especially when paired together. 

{ The Snowball Effect Collab Masterlist } 

a/n } hello it is i with yet another fic. it’s done. i. have a lot of emotions bUT that’s neither here nor there. This is part of The Snowball Effect collab, and while it can be read as a standalone, all the fics end in the same spot and there are so many crossovers that it legitimately hurts to think about for too long, so for the best and funniest and fluffiest experience, we recommend that you read all of them in order!! Special shoutout to ashley, kristi, and ryn (@taehyungforreal, @stutterfly, and @fortunexkookie​, respectively) for letting me part of this wonderful adventure. i’m more honored than i could ever say with words, and i’m grateful every day that i got the chance to work with all of you on this absolutely phenomenal collab. for those of you who are just now seeing this, i implore you to read the others, as they are literal light years better than this, and i could not possibly live up to the absolute beauty of the other authors in this collab, but i still hope you enjoy my shiny garbage child aka this fic.

The first time you ever saw Kim Namjoon was on your very first day at the lab where you both work. You won't ever forget it, not because he's the walking embodiment of beauty nor because he's the most intelligent person you've ever met besides yourself. No, that day stays firmly implanted in your memory because that was the day the two of you nearly got fired for setting the building on fire.

In a genetics lab. 

You don't even work with chemicals. Maybe if you did, they would have been more understanding, but you don't and instead, everyone was completely flabbergasted that the two of you very nearly destroyed the building because you tried to reheat your leftover Chinese food - and really, how perfect is it that he also prefers the place across town instead of on the corner, and that he eats all the vegetables you pick out of your rice while you eat the eggrolls he isn't a fan of - in the microwave at the same time. Sure, your IQ is close to 300 when combined, but also, how are you supposed to remember that the bottom part of the takeout is made of foil? You were trying to single out a gene sequence that might help cancer research. Microwaves were not important. 

Until it exploded a little and set the fire suppression systems off in all the labs and affected several billion dollars worth of research. 

Honestly, the two of you are lucky you still have your jobs.

Less lucky that the insurance company wouldn't pay for the entire cost so both you and Namjoon had to take pretty severe pay cuts to help cover the costs.

Even less lucky that it means you could no longer afford your apartment by yourself and subsequently had to try to find a roommate in less than a week, which the internet is not helpful for, it doesn't matter what your coworkers say.

Which really just highlights that it's your own fault that you're in this situation in the first place, you think as you slam back another shot. It's been months, and yes, you found a roommate, and yes , things between the two of you are working better than you could have imagined, but god , at what cost?

You catch a glimpse of dimples heading your way and down the rest of the Kamikaze that you've been nursing all night. You might regret that later, the alcohol might make you do something you'd never do otherwise, but you can always pretend you don't remember. Besides, it's so much harder to handle Namjoon while you're completely sober; you never quite know what to say or what to do.

He doesn't bother to sit in the empty stool beside you, just slides into the space between you and it and lets one arm rest casually on the back of your barstool as he leans in to be heard over the live band that's playing. You don't look at him, you don't trust yourself to look at him, not with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the top two buttons undone. You know he looks deliciously rumpled. You're entirely too familiar with the sight.

"Are you ready to go?" He asks. You shrug even as you start pulling your coat on, doing your best to ignore the way the heat of his breath brushed over your neck in the way that always gets you hot and bothered. "We don't have to if you don't want to," He says quickly, but you wave him off.

"No, it's fine, I promise. I'm not enjoying the band as much as I thought I would anyway."

When the ride you summoned stops at your apartment building, Namjoon pays and follows you up. The alcohol has started seeping into your bloodstream, and for a moment you regret that last drink. You're not drunk, not really, but you're on the farther side of tipsy and thoughts are swirling in your head that you wish would go somewhere else. Plus you're really fucking hungry now, and also kinda tired, and you're really glad tomorrow's Saturday so you can sleep in.

"What's got you in your head?" Namjoon asks as you fumble to unlock the door. You just shrug noncommittally, unwilling to tell him about it. He doesn't pry either, just sets to work pulling leftover tacos out of the fridge and sticking them in the microwave, remembering at the last second to take the plastic off the top so your food doesn't get coated in melted saran wrap. The two of you eat in relative silence before you manage to make yourself go into your room and strip out of your work clothes and then slide under the covers.

You don't listen as he goes into the room across the hall, you don't listen as the shower starts up, you don't listen at the off-key singing that he does. You don't. You can't let yourself, because then your drunk ass won't be able to keep your mouth shut the next time you see him - as you're both eating breakfast tomorrow, probably - and you'll say some super embarrassing shit like "hey I know it's partially my fault you couldn't afford your rent and you know I'm really grateful that you moved in with me, but you're also like hot as the surface of the sun and your dimples are really cute too, please fuck me stupid, I'm literally begging you."

Because that's the issue with living and working with Namjoon. There is no escape. Before you could come home and masturbate in peace while thinking about how his chest looks so utterly perfect in those button-ups, and how the muscles in his forearm flex when he's got his sleeves rolled up, and how his jaw does that muscle clench thing whenever he's focused on something.

But no. Now he lives with you , and not only are you both on the same schedules and therefore he’s never not home when you are, therefore depriving you of your precious Alone Time, but! You get a front-row view to how he looks in the mornings, with his hair all messy, and how he always forgets that the flavor packet goes in the ramen after you cook it, and how he bundles up every time he goes on walks with Moni, and-

The door to the bathroom creaks open and you force your eyes not to close. You inspect the stuccoed ceiling the entire time it takes his footsteps to make it into his room because otherwise, you're just going to remember that first week after he moved in, when he would have to go to his room with just a towel around his waist because his clothes were in boxes and he hadn't unpacked and he'd forgotten to take anything in the bathroom with him.

The memory of his absolutely fucking ridiculous pectorals dripping with water and his god damn superb biceps flexed and delicious-looking, none of it hidden under the slightly-too-big shirts he wears to work...it haunts you. To this day.

The sound of his door closing echoes through the hall and into your room. It’s through an incredibly impressive force of will that you don’t imagine what he’s doing right now, just across the hall. You resolutely do not imagine him sliding that towel from around his waist and revealing the gorgeous glistening golden thighs that strain against his work khakis so wonderfully. Nor do you think of the way he twists his neck to pop it while he does his after-shower stretches - because that’s a normal thing that normal people totally do - and you absolutely are not thinking of the way the scent of sandalwood and steam trails after him when he’s freshly showered and you are definitively not thinking about-

A loud, high-pitched moan followed by the slapping of skin on skin echoes through the apartment, jolting you upright and out of your thoughts as you stare in shock at the back of your bedroom door. 

Something thuds against the carpeted floor of Namjoon’s room and the sound abruptly cuts off. The silence that follows is deafening, and your ears ring with it. 

Surely….surely he wasn’t….

A thought, unbidden and cursed, flits through your mind before you can stop it. You can’t even blame the residual alcohol in your body for the way you stand and open your bedroom door, or how you slip your super soft silk robe over your shoulders and tie it loosely around your waist, nor for the way you take the two steps to stand in front of Namjoon’s, but you absolutely blame your quickly-returning sobriety for the way you hesitate in front of it. 

He’s going to say no, anyway, so what’s the harm? Things are awkward for a day or two and then we move on, right?

You knock before you can talk yourself out of it. It takes a few minutes, but Namjoon does eventually open the door. His chest is still bare but he’s got on the soft-looking plaid pajama pants that you adore, albeit they are on backwards , and his face is flushed with color. 

You're 98% sure that it's because he just had his hand around his cock. You're significantly less sure if you hate or love the fact that you know that. 

“Hey,” You say awkwardly. 

“Hey,” He responds, just as awkward. 

You both stand there for a second while you work up the courage to ask what’s been going around and around in your mind. 

“I just heard that thud and got worried,” is what eventually makes it out. Namjoon’s face flushes further, and his nose scrunches in the cutest way. “Just...wanted to make sure you weren’t, y’know. Dead. Haha.”

He smiles at your laugh, even though it’s dead and humorless, and warmth blooms in your chest. 

“I’m alright. Sorry for any, uh…” He squints, clearly searching for the word he wants to use that won’t immediately give him away - like the entire apartment building hadn’t heard that noise. “Disturbances.”

“Oh, no, you’re fine!” You tell him, rubbing the back of your neck. “I was just. Uh. Y’know how bonobos will often have recreational sex with non-monogamous partners just because they’re bored or as a way to work out the tension between members of the unit-groups and they enjoy said recreational sex, even though there’s no real emotional attachment to the other parties involved?”

Namjoon stares at you for a long, silent moment. 

“Yeah, I know about bonobos,” He eventually says. “I didn’t know that about bonobos, but I guess that’s the fun fact quota for the day.”

Your face heats and you’ve never quite wished the ground would swallow you up until this very moment. 

“Oh,” You say, dumbly. “Well. That’s a thing. That bonobos do.”

“I got that,” Namjoon says. He bites down on his lower lip in what’s probably an innocuous way to not smile at how ridiculous you’re being, but when paired with the golden expanse of chest, it’s utterly obscene. 

“Would you like to have recreational sex with me?” 

“ What? ”

“No strings attached, no feelings, nothing but some nice fun recreational intercourse between two consenting adults of sound mind. Would you be interested?”

“I...why are you asking me? ” He asks incredulously, and you resist the urge to kiss the surprise off his face. How is it surprising at all when he walks around looking like that ?

“Because in the time we’ve known each other as coworkers, roommates, and friends, I think we could be very sexually compatible and even if we aren’t, I’m confident enough in our friendship to believe we could still be friends afterward.” You tell him firmly. “Besides, you’re literally the hottest guy I’ve ever seen, why wouldn’t I want to have sex with you?”

“You’re...serious about this? You’re not playing some kind of joke on me?” 

“Why would I play a joke on you, Namjoon? I haven’t been able to get off for literal weeks - ever since you moved in, actually - and I’m at a bit of a breaking point.”

“And you’re not drunk?”

“Completely sober,” You assure him. He curses under his breath and runs a hand over his jaw, not making eye contact as he considers. It’s the same thoughtful expression that he gets when he’s trying to figure out some complex equation at work. With how long it’s been since you last came, however, it’s only making you wetter. 

"Fuck it," He mutters, seconds before his hands cup your jaw to pull you into a kiss. 

It's awkward at first, the two of you trying to find a rhythm that you both enjoy while still being able to breathe. His lips are slightly chapped and you both stumble as he starts walking backwards towards the bed, but it's so wonderful. His hand against your jaw is warm and comforting, even as his other hand is slipping teasingly under your robe and his teeth suckle a mark into your collarbone. 

Movement on the bed catches your attention and you flush when you realize it's Moni, Namjoon's very sweet dog that came with him when he moved in. 

"Uh, Namjoon?" You breathe. It's hard to focus on anything that isn't the way he's teasing at the band of your panties, but the way Moni is staring at you is captivating. "Dog."

Namjoon freezes, hands disappearing from your skin, and he either doesn't hear or doesn't acknowledge your needy whine at the loss of contact. 

"What, what's wrong? Is that your safeword? What did I do?"

"No, Joon," You can barely hear yourself think over the stream of apologies pouring from his lips, and it isn't until you grip his shoulders and forcibly turn him to look at his dog that he shuts up. 

" Oh ," He whispers. "The dog." He clicks his tongue a couple of times and Moni hops down from the bed, though not without giving Namjoon the saddest eyes possible. Moni disappears down the hallway, probably to go lay on the couch, and Namjoon shuts the door behind him. "Sorry," he says bashfully. 

"Don't be sorry," You respond with a smile. " Do , however, fuck me until I can't move." 

A growl vibrates in his chest, surprising you, and you're bouncing atop his mattress before you can think. 

He doesn't say anything else, too focused on the way your folds feel against his tongue as he slides your robe up your thighs. Words are hardly possible for you when he makes you come the first time. Even less so when he turns you onto your hands and knees, presses your face into the mattress, and proceeds to pound into you so hard that the nightstand shakes. Still, your knees are made weak by something else entirely.

It's the tender awareness in his touch; he's firm and unyielding but so, so cautious, consistently testing your reactions before he continues. The way his voice - deepened and husky with desire - sounds in your ear when he asks if what he's doing is okay, if you like it, if you want to keep going. It's how he teases you gently about how wet you are - "God damn, is this all for me? You're so fucking wet, so slick and ready for me, sweetheart," -  the way he's so absolutely tuned in to your own needs and desires, the way he coaxes orgasm after orgasm out of you like it's second nature, his own high an afterthought when you've clenched too tight around him. 

It's the way he brings you water and some fruit afterward and gently cleans you up while you eat before sliding your robe carefully over the blossoming purple marks he sucked into your shoulders. It's the way he didn't close his bedroom door until yours clicked behind you. 

"This was the best idea I've ever had," you sigh happily to yourself as you drift off to sleep. 

“So you’ve got a sir kink?” Namjoon asks several days later, face pressed into a microscope more expensive than your entire apartment building. He doesn’t look at you, even as you tear your eyes away from the computer screen in front of you to glance at him curiously. 

“I do,” You tell him. He shifts in his chair and you bite back a grin. “Is that a problem? We don’t have to use it.”

“No, it’s fine,” He says quickly. “Just thought it was interesting. I didn’t expect that from you.”

“Namjoon, we’ve only known each other for a couple of months, and in that time, we’ve hardly had a conversation about what kinks we enjoy and what we don’t. How would you expect anything?”

“Just...didn’t expect it, that’s all.” He’s quiet for a minute and a sliver of guilt lodges in your throat. You’re right, the two of you haven’t known each other for very long, especially not in a sexual manner, but you could’ve maybe phrased it better. 

“I’m sorry-”

“We should-”

Both of you stop midsentence, turning away from your work to laugh with each other. 

“You don’t have to apologize,” Namjoon says with a dimpled smile. “I know what you meant, and you’re right. We don’t know what the other enjoys, so we shouldn’t go into this with any expectations.”

“Maybe we should, though,” You say, marking a sequence that catches your eye so you’ll remember to come back and fully examine it later. “I mean, we can’t exactly fulfill our sexual needs without knowing what said needs are. For instance, how often do you orgasm every week?”

Something tumbles on Namjoon’s desk, and when you look over he’s got the microscope cradled carefully in his hands a few feet above the floor. 

“Uh...maybe twice,” He eventually says.

“Hm. Duly noted.” You turn back to the monitor in front of you, marking another sequence for inspection. 

“Well...how often do you orgasm each week?” He asks. His voice is hesitant, like he isn’t sure if he’s allowed to ask.

“Depends,” You tell him. “When I’m close to my period or ovulating, it’s usually once a day, if not twice, because my sex drive is higher, but otherwise it’s usually every other day or so.”

“Oh.” 

“But don’t worry, I’m more than willing to take care of myself on the nights where you need a break. I don’t expect you to keep up with my sex drive.”

“I mean...I could .”

You turn away from the monitor to look at him, quirking a brow. He quirks his own in return and you can’t help the way your eyes travel down his form. He’s wearing contacts instead of his glasses - always does during the workweek, since it’s easier to use a microscope that way - but the light purple shirt sets off the platinum blonde of his hair and his thighs strain against the material of his khakis. It all adds up to make him look absolutely delectable, especially since you know full well what’s hiding underneath those pants. 

“I could,” He repeats. “If you want me to.”

Your eyes meet his and you have no doubt he’s been eyeing you the same way you’ve been eyeing him. 

“I think it might be time for our lunch break, Mr. Kim,” You tell him, eyes darting to the clock on your desk. “I was thinking of going out to get something, would you like to join me?”

Namjoon is already standing and grabbing his jacket, and you would laugh at how eager he is if you weren’t the same way. You can already feel heat beginning to pool between your legs and the two of you rush out of the office in such a hurry that you hardly notice when you run straight into the mail cart. 

“Nice going, Slick!” Kihyun yells after you, and you wish you were ashamed of the way that your knees tremble at the reminder of how it felt to have Namjoon call you that while buried inside of your warmth. 

“They have no idea,” Namjoon mutters, fingers twisting with yours so he can pull you down a hallway and towards an unused office. “If they only knew just how slick you really are.”

You shiver and slam the door closed as Namjoon sinks to his knees. 

The amount of times the two of you fuck at work is utterly ridiculous after that. You have an actual conversation with him about kinks and hard limits and soft limits and all that fun grown-up stuff that’s necessary of an adult relationship, of course, and that only adds to the fire between the two of you. 

He’s more than willing to let you call him Sir while you’re on your hands and knees in front of him, and you’re absolutely willing to ride him into oblivion in those moments when he doesn’t want to be in charge or when he’s had a hard day at work and just wants to relax. Those are your favorite times, actually; when he just sits on the couch and drives himself up into you while you’re fucking yourself back down onto him, eyes clenched shut as his hands glide up your spine and knead your ass. 

The slow, lazy way his hips meet yours is absolutely addictive, you can’t even lie, but you can’t deny that it’s the moment after you’ve both cum that are the real danger. When you’re both panting and spent, laying against the soft sheets on his bed or the cool leather of your couch, and his arm drapes around your torso for those few moments it takes him to regain his breath. 

It’s dangerous, so dangerous, because you’ve already agreed not to have feelings involved in this. You’re friends with benefits, nothing more and nothing less, and you cannot let yourself forget that. Not in the mornings when you wander out in his shirt to find that he’s made breakfast - ordered it, actually, but it’s the thought that counts - or when you walk into work together and he doesn’t hesitate to open the doors for you without even breaking stride, as if it’s second nature to do so. As if he’s used to it. 

It’s when the two of you are at the mall together that reality hits you in the face. 

You’re both on the hunt for different things; he’s got a birthday present he still has to buy and wants to pick up some new treats and sweaters for Moni, while you’re on the hunt for a new toaster to rival that of your old one - which you destroyed on accident by using a metal fork to dig a piece of bread out of. While it was plugged in. And hot. 

Your hands still sting a little, but the ER nurse was adamant that you would be alright. So long as you didn’t try to electrocute yourself again.

“Wait, so you’re not going to be here for New Year’s Eve?” You clarify, popping a piece of chocolate into your mouth. 

“No, I’m heading up to Taehyung’s cabin with the rest of the guys. It’s an annual thing, I don’t even remember how it got started,” Namjoon tells you as he peers into the window of some box store that you already know isn’t going to have anything Taehyung will like. 

“Hm, I guess it’s good I work then, so I can walk Moni.” 

Namjoon shoots you an odd look. “You don’t work, and Jackson’s watching Moni.”

“Uh...I’m pretty sure I work on New Year’s Eve, Namjoon. I would’ve made plans otherwise.”

“Slick, I’m exactly one hundred percent sure the office is closed for New Year’s because it is every year.” He sneaks a piece of chocolate and wrinkles his nose when he realizes it’s mint chocolate. 

“No, because my schedule says-” You start, pulling your phone out to open said schedule so you can show him just how wrong he is. “That I work the next morning. That’s why I didn’t make plans.”

Namjoon just smiles and taps at the screen. “That’s December, Slick. You’re looking at December first.”

You pull the phone back and stare at it, horror washing over you when you see that he’s right. 

You’re going to be spending New Year’s alone, for the first time in years, and loneliness fills you at that thought. Your parents are an entire plane ride away, on vacation for their retirement in some tropical paradise that you can’t remember the name of; your old friends are in an entirely different city, likely already with plans of their own, and you don’t know nearly enough people at work or outside of it to have any idea what people are doing. 

“Oh man,” Namjoon breathes, clearly oblivious to the sudden onset of loneliness that’s hit you. “I knew it was going to be hilarious, but I had no idea it was going to be this good .”

You look up to find him focused on his phone, camera pointing at something you can’t quite make out through the small screen. You follow the view, a reluctant smile breaking out when you spot Hope on the Street dancing along to some holiday song while dressed as an elf. 

“Isn’t that the news anchor that got in trouble for doing anal?” You ask. Namjoon cackles - there’s no other word for it, it’s a cackle - and nods. 

“Yeah, Hoseok’s been forced into doing this as a publicity stunt. We’ve all been looking forward to seeing him do it, too, but god , I had no idea it would be this funny to see. Hobi as a Christmas elf, can you imagine?”

“Hobi?”

“Oh, yeah, he’s a close friend of mine,” Namjoon says, eyes never straying from the video as he plays it back. “He’s gonna be at the cabin too, with his girlfriend Cat. There’s like seven of us who all grew up in the same little neighborhood, and we all kept pretty close as we got older. It’s like a little mini-family.”

“Oh,” You say softly. Namjoon tucks his phone back into his pocket and looks around, lighting up as he spots something else. “I didn’t know you knew Hope on the Street.”

“Yeah, he’s a dork,” Namjoon says as he pulls you towards some children’s store. “Come on, I think Yoongi’s working and I like to watch his little dance when he makes the hearts.”

You barely pay attention as Namjoon hurries into the toy store. You don’t join him inside, too busy lost in your own thoughts. 

You should’ve realized, you scold yourself. You should’ve known better. You got comfortable, you got complacent and happy, too enamored with the way Namjoon feels inside of you and the warmth of his hand in yours to realize that you’re still on the outside. 

He and his friends are all going up to some cabin, with their girlfriends apparently, to hang out and have fun together for New Year’s. He didn’t invite you. You’ve lost yourself in the fantasy and complacency of how warm he feels, how it feels like coming home whenever you see him, even when you knew better. 

You knew better than to get attached. You told yourself, every step of the way, not to get attached, don’t develop feelings, it’s just sex, and yet…

And yet your heart is breaking in your chest that he didn’t invite you along, that he didn’t even think to do so. It’s not even fair to him, it’s not his fault that you got too caught up in the domesticity and familiarity of him to remember that this isn’t serious. Why would he invite you? You’re his roommate, a coworker, the girl he fucks every so often. You aren’t his girlfriend, you aren’t anyone important to his friends. 

You’re just the roommate. 

“Hey, look at this bear I made, it’s got a little microscope and everything! It’s perfect for-”

“Sorry,” You interrupt, ignoring the way Namjoon’s smile dims ever so slightly. “I just realized that I’ve got to finish up some analyses before the office closes for the holiday, I’ve gotta go do that. But it’s cute, Moni’ll love it.”

“Okay.” Namjoon’s voice is hushed, and his brows are drawn together. He can obviously tell something’s off, but if you’re lucky, maybe he won’t be able to pinpoint exactly what. “I’ll see you at home then.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you back at the apartment,” You say quickly, not even looking at him as you hurry off the other way. 

You just need space, you tell yourself. You just need some distance so you can get your emotions under control. You can’t be around him when all you want to do is kiss him senseless and tell him how much you want to wake up in his bed forever, how you never want to miss another walk with Moni. He can’t know. 

He won’t know.

"I fucked up."

"You're going to have to be more specific," Jimin’s voice says from the other end of the phone. 

Namjoon groans, resisting the urge to slam his head back against the cabinets. He's standing in the kitchen now, staring longingly at the fridge and whatever food it may contain, because you’re out grocery shopping now, and he would love for you to come back to a hot meal, but there’s a reason you’re grocery shopping this late at night.

"You remember how in college everyone teased me because I'm terrible at one-night stands and I bet Hobi a week's groceries that I totally could?"

"Yes," Jimin says slowly. Something clinks on the other end of the line, and Namjoon wonders what Jimin’s having for dinner. His stomach rumbles in response and he heaves himself across the kitchen to dig through the fridge while Jimin continues. "I also remember how you spent weeks pining over said one-night stand while Hoseok filled the cupboards with every single thing he thought he could get away with buying. Why are you bringing that up now?"

Namjoom stays quiet but hums in victory as he unearths a pizza that isn’t too terribly old. “How long can pizza live in the fridge before it would kill me if I ate it?”

“If you have to ask that question, it’s been too long,” Jimin tells him. Namjoon debates, eyeing the pizza before deciding it looks fine and turning the oven on before sliding the pizza in. “Now, why are you bringing up one night stands and then pizza?”

"You remember how that new girl started at work a few months ago and we ate lunch together and then nearly got fired?"

"Yes, I distinctly remember writing you notes on takeout containers for weeks reminding you not to put foil in the microwave. What does-" Jimin stops, and Namjoon gets the distinct impression that if they were having this conversation in person, he’d be getting the Look. "Joon, tell me you didn't."

"I didn't have a one night stand with her," Namjoon assures him. 

"Good," Jimin says, heaving a sigh of relief. "God only knows what would happen with a one night stand with your roommate-"

"We're friends with benefits." 

Jimin chokes on whatever he’s eating and Namjoon winces sympathetically. 

"It's not that bad," The elder says before Jimin can scold him. "We're very sexually compatible. And she's amazing, Jimin, you don't even know-"

"Joon, isn't this the same girl you spent an entire four hours talking about the day she started working with you?"

"Yeah, so?"

The blonde gives a heavy sigh. Namjoon knows the younger well enough to know he’s shaking his head right now. 

"Please be careful, Namjoon," Jimin eventually says. 

"Oh, don't worry, we've both been tested, and we use condoms every time, there's nothing to worry about."

"That's not the kind of careful I mean," Jimin sighs. He's quiet for a minute as he eats and Namjoon waits for his pizza to be heated enough to eat. "Why do you say you fucked up if you’ve been careful?”

“I…” He hesitates. “I don’t know. I think she’s upset with me. We were at the mall the other day and it was fine, we were laughing at how Hobi looks dressed as an elf-”

“God that video was hilarious -”

“Right?!” They both laugh a little, fondly remembering the sight, before Namjoon sobers. “And then she just...changed. She got all quiet and skittish and ran off before I could give her the bear I made. She didn’t even look at it.”

“And it just happened out of nowhere? What were you talking about?”

“How she’s off work for New Year’s and I’m heading up to the cabin so she doesn’t have to watch Moni or anything, and then I saw Yoongi doing that dance at the store so I wanted to go watch him, and-” He stops, eyes focused on the air in front of him. 

“Joon? You good?”

“Hypothetically speaking,” He begins, a realization hitting him all at once, “What would happen if I put a pizza in the oven to reheat without taking it out of the box?”

“Oh my fucking god, Namjoon, get it out!”

There’s a flurry of smoke while Namjoon does just that and rushes to open the window so he can let some of the smoke out before you get back home. Jimin’s still berating him - albeit fondly - when he picks the phone back up. 

“It’s fine,” Namjoon says quickly, “It’s cool, nothing’s actually on fire anymore. And the pizza’s warm!”

“Oh my god, how have you survived this long.” Namjoon smiles at Jimin’s words; he gets a lot of shit for being wildly unobservant, but he knows that the others love him dearly. Why else would they still talk to him? Really, after the incident with the tub at Jungkook’s apartment, it’s truly a miracle he still has friends, and love is the only explanation. 

“But seriously, I don’t know what I did with Slick. Do you think I was too...obvious?”

“Namjoon,” Jimin says seriously. “If this girl is anything like you, and based on that time she tried to screenshot a crack in phone screen I’m inclined to believe she is, then I think the issue is that you aren’t being obvious enough . You said she got all weird after you mentioned the cabin, right?”

“Yeah. I thought she’d be happy that she wouldn’t be stuck with Moni, but-”

“Did you consider that since she thought she was working, she doesn’t have any other plans and is now stuck in the apartment by herself since she just moved here recently?”

“Oh.” Guilt surges through him as the door opens and your voice echoes that you picked up some takeout while you were gone. “I gotta go.”

“Ah-ah,” Jimin says quickly. “My payment?”

“Yes, Jimin, I love you dearly, you are the light of my life, I would never have survived this long were it not for your sage wisdom, I owe you my firstborn.”

“Much better! Some of the others could learn from you.” Jimin’s laugh continues long after he’s hung up, Namjoon is sure of it. 

You aren’t sure why the apartment smells like smoke when you get back, but you decide not to question it and just be grateful you had the foresight to pick up some takeout on your way back from the store. 

 When you get into the kitchen, Namjoon is there, with a smoking pizza box on the stove beside him. He’s not in his work clothes; instead, he looks comfortable and cozy in some sweats and a faded tee with his glasses halfway down his nose. Your heart lurches painfully in your chest at the sight and you force yourself to remember that he isn’t yours . 

“Hey! Did you hear me? I got takeout, since I figured neither of us wanted to cook. And I’m glad I did, what’s with the smoke?” A thought strikes you as you set the bags on the table. “Oh no, did you try to use the toaster? I told you not to, it got weird after that night with the fork, we need to replace it.”

“Do you wanna go to the cabin?” 

You freeze, halfway to the fridge to put away the ice cream that he likes. “What?” You ask. 

“The cabin. Do you want to go with me for New Year’s Eve, with everyone?” Namjoon takes the ice cream and finishes your journey for you, sticking it in the freezer without a second thought. “If you don’t want to take advantage of a quiet apartment, that is. You’re welcome to join, and I figured that was obvious, but then I realized that it may not be, so I wanted to offer.”

“With you and all of your friends? I don’t really... know any of them.” 

“That’s fine, they’re not that bad. They’re all pretty friendly, once you get to know them at least.” Namjoon says as he takes some vegetables out of your hands to put them in the fridge as well. “And I have no doubt that the others are going to bring some of their friends. Yoongi’s girlfriend will be there, she seems sweet. And Cat and Star are always nice, you’d love them.” 

You hesitate, though you aren’t sure why. This is what you wanted, so why doesn’t it make you happy?

“Besides, they’ll all be happy to have another friend around to bother. Jin loves to feed people.” Namjoon flashes his dimples at you and your heart does something complex that you can’t explain. There’s the rush of excitement and the skipped beat that always comes with his dimples, but it twists and clenches as well. Because of course, he’s just taking you as a friend. 

You’re friends. And that’s fine. If you repeat yourself enough times then you’ll believe it. You have to. 

“Yeah, sure!” You say with a grin. “I’d like that. They always sound so fun, it’ll be nice to meet them for real.”

Namjoon beams and helps you put the rest of the groceries away before you both settle in to eat. It’s not anything fancy, simple and quick and just enough to get the two of you through the night so that you didn’t have to cook. You chat about work as you do, a few sequences that might prove promising if you can work them the right way. 

It’s afterward, as you’re both curled up on opposite sides of the couch while some nature documentary plays in the background, that you notice it. 

He’s been fidgety all night, even before you left to get the food, and you didn’t think anything of it before. But now he’s even worse, hands rubbing along his thighs nervously while he shoots you look after look, which you have no doubt he thinks you don’t notice. 

“What is up with you?” You ask him eventually, ignoring the way some bug is eating another bug’s head onscreen. 

“Nothing,” he says in a rush. “Just...ready for bed.”

“Then go to bed.” You say it like it’s obvious, because it is. If he’s so ready to sleep, then he should go; neither of you has ever expected the other to stay up and watch TV together. You’re individuals.

“Okay,” he says softly, adjusting his glasses as he stands. He gets all the way to his bedroom door before he comes back, hovering awkwardly in the hall entrance for several seconds before he finally sits back down on the couch. Now, however, he’s sitting with his thigh pressed against yours, the heat radiating through the shorts you’re wearing and searing into your skin. 

He’s still fidgety, still uneasy for some reason, and it’s as you turn to ask him what the hell’s going on that he pulls you into a kiss. It’s soft and lingering and it makes your stomach flip in all the ways it isn’t supposed to. 

“If you wanted to have sex, you should have just said so,” You whisper against his lips. You can feel it more than hear it as he starts to say something and then cuts himself off with a sigh. 

“I wanna be inside you,” he says instead. “Please.”

Heat pools between your legs, even at such simple words, and you find yourself nodding. He kisses you again, frantic and much more heated than before, and you can already tell what it’ll be like tonight. 

You’re right, too; it’s quick and dirty. You don’t even make it to the bed, not at first. He cages you against the wall in the hallway and slides a hand between your bodies to start to draw your first orgasm out. It’s the whine from the dog that makes you realize where you are, pulling apart long enough to stare at where Moni sits at the hallway entrance, head cocked to the side and watching you with a confused stare. 

That gets you into the bedroom, the door shut behind you as you fall together onto the bed. The two of you barely get your clothes off before Namjoon’s sliding inside of you and groaning at the feeling. 

“Fuck, Slick, you’re so wet,” he whispers against your skin as he thrusts. You can hardly make words, too focused on the way he fits inside of you and the absolute certainty that you cannot say a single word running through your head. 

Not that you’re in love with the way he holds your hips so gently as he thrusts, not how he whispers praise and adoration against you with every press of his lips to your skin, and certainly not how you want to stay like this forever. That you’re absolutely positive you’ve broken the cardinal rules of being fuckbuddies. 

Don’t get feelings. 

But you were a fool, anyway. Because it’s easy to break rules, especially when you go into it with feelings. 

The first orgasm hits you with a shockwave, and with the way Namjoon hits your g-spot, it’s followed by a second shortly after. Your hands claw into the sheets as he fills the condom, and it only takes a minute for him to clean himself up enough to relax in the bed beside you, but you hardly notice; you’re too busy adjusting to the emptiness that you’re left with now that he isn’t inside you, the yearning that fills you down to your bones with the need to be wrapped up in his arms and cradled to his chest as you both drift to sleep.

You force yourself up before you can get comfortable, fatigue sweeping through your bones. 

“I’m, uh, I’m gonna go shower,” You tell him. It’s a feat to keep your voice neutral, but you think you manage. “And then head to bed, I think. Uh, thanks. For the orgasms.”

The door to the bathroom closes behind you before he can even get a word out, and you force the image of his confused face out of your mind as you turn the water on. It takes every part of you to resist the urge to linger in the hot spray for longer than you need to be there, but you manage. 

By the time you’re slipping into bed, the light in Namjoon’s room is off and you can hear Moni settling into bed beside Namjoon. You can practically see them, curled up together all warm and settled in together. Content. 

You slip between your own sheets and wrap the fluffy blanket around you. Emotions are swirling in your gut and you do your best to ignore them all. You don’t need to focus on the way you want to be there with them, the way you want to curl your body into his with Moni between you, just the way he likes on the couch. 

“This is the worst idea I’ve ever had,” You tell yourself with a sigh as you try to fall asleep in your lonely bed. 

You don’t know that across the hall, Namjoon lays awake with Moni beside him, wondering how he fucked up so badly that you’re not in his arms anymore. He’d have every intention to tell you about his feelings. He wanted to end this friends-with-benefits thing, put it to rest so that he could take you out for real. So you could be together , for real. 

But you’d just bolted the second he was collapsing onto the bed, like you were running from something, and he wasn’t about to keep you here when you don’t want to be here. 

Still, he thinks as Moni burrows under the blankets to get closer to him, he can’t help but wish you were up against him as well, with your breathing steady and quiet as you sleep and he can feel your chest move with it. 

He just really wishes that you wanted that too.

The drive to the cabin is uneventful. You and Namjoon talk about work most of the way, chatting amicably about a few things that got corrupted in the data that have been frustrating to rebuild and how excited Moni was to see Jackson when he picked the pup up that day. 

You’re only a little nervous when you spot the wooden sign specifying that it belongs to the Kims. You’ve heard a lot of stories about Namjoon’s friends, seen one or two in passing when they come by the apartment to see Namjoon, though you tend to give them space when that happens. 

Still, nothing could ever compare to the welcome that greets you. There’s some kind of karaoke going on, with Taehyung and Star watching from the couch. There are crutches propped up nearby and you wonder what the story is there for the few seconds before your attention is drawn to the kitchen, where who you assume is Seokjin is scolding someone for shoving entirely too many cookies into their mouth. You catch sight of someone - blonde, giggling, followed by a sweet-looking girl - run out of the kitchen with his cheeks puffed out and crumbs on his lips, and you shoot Namjoon a look. 

“Jimin,” He explains with a grin. “C’mon, let’s go claim the den before someone else can get to it.”

That night is hectic, to say the least. Namjoon was right when he said his friends are welcoming, though; everyone is friendly and talkative - except for Pumpkin, Seokjin’s best friend who genuinely looks like she’s about to murder someone for the few moments that you see her during dinner but Namjoon assures you “That’s just her face, I promise.” Even when the boys get to reminiscing about the days they spent in that cul-de-sac, they include everyone else in their stories. 

Especially fun is when they all come up with theories about why Cat and Hobi are late, and while from what you’ve heard so far tonight, you agree with the proposal that they’re probably fucking, you still feel a sliver of worry for them. 

It’s the mention of sex that gets your stomach churning, though. Because Namjoon shoots you a knowing look, the same one he gets when you wear those ultra-short shorts around the house that he adores, and you already know what he wants. You can’t even say you don’t want it, too, because you don’t think you could ever turn down the opportunity to have him like that. It’s just so bittersweet when it ends-

“I’m going to start on dessert,” Seokjin states as he gathers plates. Yoongi and Peaches are gone in record time, and Taehyung and Star follow not long after, though it takes considerably longer with the way Taehyung helps her. Seokjin calls after them all that he’ll have dessert ready in a little while, and Namjoon shoots you another look when Jimin and Pumpkin don’t move from the table. 

“C’mon,” Namjoon whispers, grabbing your hand and urging you down the hallway. “Get our bags, we’re gonna steal Jin’s room.”

“That doesn’t seem like the best idea,” You whisper in return, though you do in fact grab the bags as he directs. “Isn’t that also Pumpkin’s room? Are we sure she won’t murder us?”

“No, it’ll be fine, Jin would never let her.” The thought isn’t as comforting as Namjoon means it to be, but you manage to get your bags in the room and their bags out without anyone the wiser. 

You realize your mistake too late. This room only has one bed. A singular sleeping area. The den has couches, you would have been fine, but you can’t sleep here. You can’t share the bed with Namjoon; it’s entirely too dangerous. Getting to see him still completely sleep soft, warm against you as the two of you doze in the early morning light? 

There would be no coming back from that. 

The thought leaves nearly as quick as it enters, driven away by the slide of Namjoon’s arms as he wraps them around you. 

"Do you want it, Slick?" His voice is deep and rumbling, almost a purr in your ear, and it makes your knees weak. It's truly ridiculous how easy it is for him to rile you up, but fuck , can you really complain?

Except you can, because it's not what you want. It's not everything you want. You can't ask for more, though, not when he doesn't want to give it.

His hands snake towards the waistband of your pants - fancy grey pinstriped pants that you bought specifically because Namjoon told you that Seokjin has a fancy dress code for New Year's Eve - and your heart jumps up into your throat. You spin in his arms, doing your best to look enthusiastic. 

"I want to blow you," You tell him as you sink to your knees. He leans back against the wall and quirks a brow, but he nods his agreement.

You set to work almost immediately; you're determined to make this the best blowjob of his life. It's the least you can do. You don't tell him that, though; you can't tell him. Not this. Not that you're so deeply entrenched in your feelings for him that you're afraid if you don't get out now you won't be able to. Not that you can't bear to have him touch you because you're afraid of what will come out of your mouth, what you might say or reveal that he doesn't want to know. 

Not when you're going to have to end this, as you decided while laying in bed two nights ago, cold and exhausted and utterly alone. 

You focus again on Namjoon, reminding yourself to pay attention. His dick is big - big enough that your fingers can only barely meet when you wrap them around it, but it means your jaw aches deliciously when you go down on him, and you adore the feeling of it in your throat.

So you swallow him down completely, burying him to the hilt with one swift movement. You've been practicing, and it has clearly paid off if the choked moan that escapes him is any indication. His hands tangle in your hair, not pulling or pushing but instead just sitting there and moving with you as you pull off just to bury him again. 

You look up and are pleased to find that his eyes are screwed shut, jaw clenched tight against the moans building inside of his chest. But that won't do at all. The best blowjob of his life can't possibly be one where he doesn't even look at you.

To rectify the situation, you bring one hand up to tease at his balls, squeezing ever so slightly in the way you know he likes as you swallow around his cock. He does moan then, fingers clenching in your hair as he opens his eyes to look down at you. 

"Fuck, just like that, Slick," He pleads. "Again, please again, it's perfect." You comply, humming an affirmative around his dick that makes him shudder before you swallow around him again. "God, fuck , you're so fucking perfect. Fucking amazing, the best, I can't believe I get to have this-"

Namjoon continues, mumbling in and out of coherency as you bop your head up and down on his cock. He's thick and heavy in your mouth and it feels like heaven on your tongue - it always does - and just when you think you can never get enough-

"Fuck, I love you so much, Slick, you're a god damn angel."

You pull off his dick, staring wide-eyed at him. Namjoon whines and looks down at you, clearly not comprehending what's just come out of his mouth.

"Fuck," He mutters. "Fuck, shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...I don't...I'm so sorry I didn't want you to know, especially not like this. Shit. "

"Are you serious?" You ask as you stand back up. Namjoon makes a belated movement to help steady you, blood flowing back into your calves from where you were kneeled down for a while, but he stops himself. He doesn't even look at you, really, instead staring out the window nearby. "Namjoon, seriously. Did you mean that?"

"I mean…" He hesitates, rubbing a hand over his jaw. "Yeah. I did. I do. It's still new so I can't be entirely sure, but I think that's what this is." 

He heaves a sigh and tucks himself back into his slacks before moving to sit on the bed, one hand running through his platinum hair. 

"You weren't supposed to know," He mutters. "I thought I could keep it a secret. I didn't want to make it weird between us since you don't…" 

"Since I don't...feel the same?" You ask as you sit beside him. "You really...care about me like that?"

"Yeah," Namjoon whispers with a grin. It's fond and sweet and everything you've ever wanted and it's so unbearably familiar because it's how he's always looked at you. "Ever since we almost burned the lab down, I think."

"Same," You breathe, and you can't deny the way that you love the light that sparks in his eyes at that. "Ever since you ate the vegetables out of my rice and gave me your eggrolls." 

"Are you-"

"Yeah," You say with a laugh. "I guess we're kind of both at fault for this, then."

"Can I…" Namjoon trails off, searching for the words he wants. His hands move to wrap around yours, lacing your fingers together as he gives you a smitten smile. "We've been fucking for a while. As you know. But would you do me the honor of letting me make love to you?" 

You gulp, an audible and atrocious thing, because his words send a surge of desire straight to your core. He's right, you have been fucking, because that's the only thing the two of you can call it. You don't make eye contact, you don't sleep over, there are rules , but god, the two of you break everything else, so why not this?

"Please," You whisper.  

His lips are on yours in an instant, his hands following quickly after to strip your clothes off. You can't be sure when his clothes join the pile on the floor, just that one moment your fists are clenched in his shirt and the next, you're raking your nails down his bare back as he sucks purple marks into your neck. 

"God, you're beautiful," He mutters. "Fucking divine." 

"Then I match you, don't I?" You whisper. Two of his fingers slide into you, and both of you moan at the feeling. He glides them against your walls, teasing that one spot inside of you that he knows you adore, and you whine a little.

"Patience, my dear," He chuckles. When you whine again he grins, dimples making your stomach flip. "Alright then, Slick. Let me get a condom."

"No," You say quickly. "We've been exclusive, right? No risk or anything like that. I've got the implant. 98% effective. I want…"

"Say it, love," Namjoon breathes, eyes never leaving yours. 

"I want to feel you. Please." He nods at your words and settles between your thighs once more. Your breath hitches in your throat at the thought of what's to come. 

"Tell me if you want to stop," he says as he presses kisses to your neck, up your throat, and across your cheeks. He does it all to distract you as he slides inside, but he doesn't need to. You've been fucking him for months now, you know exactly how big he is, and you're more than ready for it. 

What you aren't ready for is the way his skin feels against your walls, how you can feel every pulse and throb of his cock inside you. It's better than anything you've ever felt, beyond any descriptors you could find, and it only gets better as he slides out and then back in. 

His pace is slow but steady, a rhythmic glide to it that's making you obscenely wet. It's a stark contrast to the gentle way he kisses you, the softness of his lips against yours. The sound of his skin hitting yours fills the room as he breaks the kiss, resting his forehead against yours. 

"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me," You tell him, sliding your hands along every inch of skin you can get. 

Nothing is loud enough to mask the sound of the door opening, however, and when you glance over you can see that Hoseok and Cat have apparently finished whatever the fuck it was they were doing. 

You shy back, doing your best to cover yourself from their eyes, but Namjoon's pace doesn't falter. 

" Taken ," He growls. He doesn't even break eye contact as he does so, and the way his hand tightens on your hip makes you think he isn't just talking about the bedroom. 

Thankfully the couple disappears after that, closing the door behind them as they go, and it flips a switch inside Namjoon somehow. 

His pace speeds up, pistoning in and out of you mercilessly. He starts to angle his hips, searching until you finally cry out with your back arching up off the bed itself. He just smiles and continues to hit that spot, one hand moving to support your back while the other rubs teasing circles into your clit. 

"That's it, love," he purrs. "Wanna watch you come for me like this. Let yourself fall apart on my cock, Slick, I'll be right here. I've got you." 

You really wish you could figure out what exactly it is he does then; some kind of swivel of his hips while his fingers do some complicated twist or something, you have no doubt, but nevertheless, it's got you unraveling underneath him. You clench around him, harder than you ever have, and you can feel the sheets soaking underneath you from the strength of your orgasm. 

It takes barely two more thrusts for Namjoon to come as well, stilling slightly as his cum hits your walls for the first time. It's warm and you can feel it settling inside of you, but you can't say you don't enjoy it. 

You're both panting, out of breath and exhausted and having worked all the food Seokjin made out of your system. Namjoon disappears for a few seconds before returning with a warm cloth to clean you up; his hands are tender as he does so, and you find yourself falling even deeper. 

After a quick power nap and an even quicker quickie - because Namjoon insisted that it wasn't fair that you got to go down on him but he didn't get to go down on you - the two of you mingle with the others. Hoseok and Cat fit seamlessly into the group, filling a space you hadn't realized was missing during dinner. It's obvious to you, as you lean against the kitchen island and watch them all, just how much this group loves each other. Even the newcomers, like the new girlfriends, are absorbed so perfectly into the existing group that it's as if they never left.

Hell, even Pumpkin is smiling a little, although you can't be sure it's not just because Seokjin looks Like That. 

"Ooh, icing," Namjoon says as he comes to join you in the kitchen. Seokjin barely gets a chance to say anything as Namjoon drags his thumb across the white droplet and sucks it into his mouth. 

The baker looks horrified, and you wish you knew why. Namjoon agrees, based on the look on his face. 

"What?" Namjoon asks. "It was good." Seokjin's face is as pale as it can possibly get when he waves Namjoon away, and you have a sneaking suspicion of just what your boyfriend put in his mouth. 

You don't bother to hide your smile as said boyfriend comes over to you and hands you a glass of champagne.

"What are you so happy about?" He asks teasingly.

"You," You tell him honestly. It's worth it when he ducks his head, shy smile making his dimples stand out even as he tries to hide it. "I adore you."

Namjoon doesn't respond, just kisses you. He breaks away for a few minutes, saying something to someone else, and when the clock strikes midnight, he presses another gentle kiss to your lips.

"What are you wishing for?" He asks. 

"Midnight wishes? Really?" You tease. He cocks a brow and you smile. "I don't need to wish for anything. I got everything I wanted this year." 

"Really? Everything?" 

You nod, straightening his tie ever so slightly. "And what about you? What are you wishing for?"

"Oh, that's easy." He wraps an arm around you and grins. "For you to finally accept the bear I made you that day in the mall."

"Moni loves that thing, I couldn't possibly take it from him."

"But it's got a microscope! And a lab coat!"

Well then," You tell him, dropping your voice so the others won't hear. "I suppose you'll have to make me another." 

He glances over to where Yoongi and Peaches stand and then back to you. 

"Covert mission to also get another for Jisoo?"

"Glad we're on the same page here," You tell him with a smile.

[lochrannn]

AU-gust: Ya like Jazz?

Read on AO3

No warnings

prompt no 7: Beekeeper

Characters: Lila Pitts, Diego Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves

Relationship: Lila Pitts/Diego Hargreeves

-

So, dad’s dead and now they have his estate to deal with.

The stupid townhouse that the old man had cobbled together from two separate houses, making it into some kind of monstrosity of cavernous halls and oddly shaped rooms, and then filled it to the brim with artefacts, antiques, taxidermied animals, and seven children he didn’t love, stolen from all corners of the world, was bad enough. But this… thing in the middle of absolutely nowhere really puts the cherry on top of the turd sandwich… or whatever the expression is, Klaus is finding it hard to concentrate on his own thoughts while he’s looking at the creepiest wood cabin he has ever seen in real life.

He shouldn’t even be here. He’d only come along to the reading of the will as he was hoping to get some cash that his father would have left for him, purely for appearance’s sake, but then his slightly estranged siblings (they have met for family weddings and funerals, and occasionally run into each other more or less intentionally over the years) promised him a real share if he helped them deal with things.

He should have stuck to Allison, but she is freshly divorced and in a surprisingly bad mood about it, so Klaus decided on Diego instead. But that has landed him outside the cabin, none of them knew existed, after a slightly tense two hour drive with his grumpiest brother.

The drive was tense because the last time Klaus had stayed with Diego when he was between living arrangements, he may have liberated from his brother a - what turned out to be - quite expensive watch.

Diego really does like to hold a grudge. Klaus thinks that’s rather pedestrian of him.

But as nothing can be proven, Klaus decides to repay Diego for the watch by giving some assistance with the cabin and not even complaining about it. Well maybe a little.

“What was the old coot even doing with this?” he asks incredulously.

“Dunno… let’s go and find out,” Diego says and then goes up to the door and breaks the lock with his Swiss army knife, like a glorified boy scout.

What they find inside is more of what they found inside the house in the city. A place filled to the brim with stuff. And to Klaus’s utter annoyance, it is very hard to distinguish the valuables from the junk.

They start halfheartedly looking through things, not even bothering to tidy much, just deciding that they’ll probably have to take anything that’s worth keeping and then hire a company to do the rest.

Klaus opens a heavy looking wooden chest and then springs back with a yelp.

“What?” Diego calls from the other room.

“Bees!” Klaus shouts in a high pitched voice and then edges back a little more, glad he dropped the lid back down in his panic, but still able to see the huge writhing mass of a hive before his mind’s eye.

“What the shit? Nah man! I don’t fuck with bees!” Diego has made it no closer to Klaus than to the door between the rooms and he’s apparently decided that’s as far as he needs to go.

“What do we do?” Klaus’s usually stoic brother asks him with a deep frown and a lot more worry in his voice than Klaus has heard in a long while.

“I don’t know,” Klaus answers, making his way over to find shelter in the other room, not particularly interested in getting stung either.

Then he has a thought, “But if the internet is to be believed, there are bouji white women all over the place who love nothing more than to scrape some bees out of any old crack or crevice, I’m sure we can find one who’ll help us with our little issue.”

He pulls out his phone and starts searching. Not quite sure what to type into google, he just tries the dumbest version of what he’s looking for. That usually works.

“Aha!” he exclaims, and Diego comes to look over his shoulder. Klaus reads out loud, “It says ‘The Bee Handler - we handle any bee trouble you might have’ sounds like exactly the thing we’re looking for. And this woman might be a bit older than I expected, but she’s excessively blonde and very bouji looking, don’t you think?”

“Call her!” Diego grumbles.

The bee handler lady says she has no appointments free for a removal for the next four weeks, but when Klaus explains that they have come all the way out to the cabin and weren’t planning on coming back, but need to be able to look through the rest of the bee infested room, and when he then also explains that they are willing to compensate her handsomely for her troubles, the woman promises to send her daughter along, who is apparently involved in the family business.

-

Klaus and Diego decide to edge their way along the wall of the room full of danger, just to get out of the cabin and wait for the bee handler’s daughter out on the porch.

When a huge, fuck off truck pulls up the dirt road about an hour and a half later and a woman climbs out the driver’s side, she turns out to be nothing like what Klaus had expected.

Klaus had imagined a tall, elegant, blonde woman, wearing a pastel coloured chiffon blouse, maybe a wide brimmed hat. Instead he finds that they’ll apparently be rescued from their bees by a tiny, very angry looking goth.

She clambers up onto the flat back of her truck, not having acknowledged Klaus and Diego yet, pulls a huge case down, and then stomps her way over to them, once shiny red boots getting duller with each step she takes along the dusty path.

“The directions you left for me were absolute dogshit, which one of you numpties do I have to thank for that?” Her accent sounds a lot more like their father’s than the woman Klaus talked to on the phone.

“That would be me,” Klaus answers, having no trouble keeping his tone excessively pleasant. He’s quite certain she just called him an ition, but if he got offended every time someone called him an idiot, he’d end up being constantly angry like his brother. The brother who’s gone oddly quiet.

Klaus turns around to Diego, as the woman stomps up the wooden stairs, and finds a very peculiar look on his face.

“Right, I’m Lila, I’ll be handling your bees today… yada yada, my mother insists I give you the spiel… for the branding. So, where are the little creepers?” the woman, Lila, drawls with a slightly blank expression, but her kohl rimmed eyes glow a bit brighter when she starts talking about the bees.

“Just this way,” Klaus swings his arm towards the door dramatically to indicate the way. “After y…” he trails off when Lila breezes past him entirely ignoring him.

He’s just about to follow her in, when Diego pushes past him, also saying nothing and with a slightly dumb, almost dreamy expression on his face.

Oh fuck, Klaus thinks. He’s forgotten about his brother’s thing for intimidating, angry women. This should be interesting.

-

Klaus can admit that at times Diego can be remarkably smooth. At other times he is a huge dumbass. These versions of him occur seemingly at random and apparently today Diego is incapable of pulling off smooth.

The two brothers spend most of the time that Lila takes dealing with the hive, back in the other room, watching from the doorway as she… does whatever it is she has to do… and Diego has made multiple attempts at small talk, but Lila keeps shooting him down with bored one word answers. Klaus likes her on principle for making his brother look like a fool.

Once she’s more or less done, she closes the lid of the chest and instructs the two of them to carry it outside so that the remaining bees that she couldn’t secure in her crate can fly out, once outside, and hopefully follow her along to her destination.

Klaus really doesn’t want to do any heavy lifting, and even Diego next to him seems reluctant to get too close to the bee infested chest, but it’s not like they have much of an alternative so they seemingly silently agree to get it over with as quickly as possible.

Klaus takes the front end, assuming his brother, who has much more in the way of brawn to offer, will have an easier time of keeping his end up when they make their way down the front steps.

They manage quite well, with hardly any cursing from Diego, and Lila follows them outside.

And then, to his genuine surprise, when they get to the dusty path in front of the porch, Klaus catches Lila staring at Diego where he’s gently putting down his end of the chest - Klaus just let his drop unceremoniously - and she’s thoroughly checking his brother out.

Good lord, Klaus thinks, Diego is lucky that he’s hot.

But somehow, nothing else happens. It seems, Diego’s given up on his pathetic attempts at flirting, and while Diego scribbles down his credit card information, Lila just looks at him with a slight scowl, as if he’s taking too long for her liking.

She gets in her truck and Diego ambles back towards the cabin, “C’mon Klaus, I want to be done here before it gets dark!” he calls.

“Right with you in a sec!” Klaus sing-songs back and thinks he hears a grumbled ‘whatever’ as Diego disappears back into the cabin.

Klaus makes his way over to the open car window where Lila seems to be sorting through some paperwork.

“What now?” her question dripping with irritation.

“Do you ever make it into the city?” Klaus asks, as casually as he can manage, which is very.

“How’s that any of your business?” Lila shoots back, giving him a very sceptical frown.

“Humor me for a second,” Klaus gives her his brightest, most disarming smile.

And apparently it works, because she shrugs and says “on occasion…”

“Then you should let me give you my brother's number!”

“Why?” Actual bafflement has made it into Lila’s voice, she doesn’t even sound quite so angry anymore.

“So you can call him up when you’re in the city, silly! Go on a date, have wild, sweaty sex, or whatever you kids want to do!” and when her mouth literally drops open in shock, Klaus goes on, “Oh please, are you telling me you didn’t notice him mooning over you?”

“He was?” she asks in a voice that’s significantly more quiet and softer than any other she’s used on them all afternoon. And Klaus can’t be sure with the dark brown of her skin, but he’s getting the impression that she’s blushing.

“Oh my god! You two idiots are made for each other. Give me your phone!” Klaus rolls his eyes at her.

Lila pulls out her phone and hands it over.

[reactionsfromapenofastay]

Stray Kids Reaction To Their S/O And Them Are Finding A Lost Pet On The Street - Maknae Line

Hyunjin: Some random character died on the screen, but honestly, you couldn't care any less. The only thing that mattered to you was the boy, who you were cuddled up with on the sofa.

Hyunjin had got back from tour only a few days ago, and you just simply couldn't get enough of him. Fair to be said, it was the same with the rapper as well. The little dance machine had missed you just as damn much as you'd missed him, and he also had a whole ass list of things he wanted to do with you, since they'd got two weeks off.

He'd told you that writing down places he wanted to take you to, or things he would've loved to experience with you had helped him a lot during the time he'd been away from the one he loved so dearly.

And when he'd named them you'd immediately said yes to everything. But only under one condition. "He has to spend the first few days sleeping, eating, chilling and relaxing."

- But Jagi. I want to create new memories with you! - he'd whined but soon enough you'd assured him that spending time at home, doing nothing could be just as memorable as going out.

You hadn't known what had been the thing that'd convinced him in the end. Maybe the unbearable exhaustion he'd felt, or that you'd told him that after a twelve hour sleep he'd could come over at your place, but he'd said yes.

And now here he was, holding you close to his chest, enjoying the way you were playing with his raven locks,  the dark circles under his eyes had almost completely faded.

And then the bell rang.

- It must be the pizza. - he sighed a little, not wanting to leave the comfort of your embrace, as he tried to sit up eventually.

- Don't! - was all you said as you gently, but firmly pushed him back on the sofa. - I'll go.

- But... - you lovingly rolled your eyes while standing up. He was always a gentleman. Especially when it came to treating you. (Except the days he decided to be a goofball of course.)

- Hyunjinnie. We've been in a relationship for two years now. I don't mind getting the food. - a sweet smile lighted up on his angelic face, and he nodded, leaving it up to you. - Beside the fact that this relationship between us should be equal. So you could really be the one this time, who...you know...stays. - you winked, making your tone of voice heavier on the last word. His laugh filled the room as you walked away.

Now that the word of lunch had got mentioned, the boyfriend of yours started to feel how hungry he really was. He hadn't even noticed until this time, but damn was he starving. He'd forgotten to eat in the morning due to how in a hurry he had been to your house, which - of course - he hadn't told you. But now he was eager to stuff his mouth with food.

So disappointment was a totally understandable reaction from him when you returned with a relatively small box in your hands, and a very confused expression on your face.

- It doesn't look like pizza. - he said pouting, looking out of the way of a pillow. But when he registered the upset expression on your face, he sat up on an instant. - Y/N...? Is everything alright? - he asked. And the worry in his voice and eyes couldn't have been more obvious.

- Well...it doesn't look like a pizza, because it's not one. - you sighed, taking a few steps forward. - And no. Nothing's alright. - your voice trembled. - Because... - and instead of finishing your sentence, you lifted the top of the box up. And before your boyfriend could ask anything, a small, fluffy head had peeked out of the carton, with two, brown and white ears, both of them down.

- It's a... - Hyunjin visibly choked on his own spit.

- A bunny. - you nodded, angry tears welling up in the corner of your eyes, and you closed the space between you and the boy, sitting down next to him. - I found this box on the door mat. Someone left him there. - you sniffled, trying to fight against the salty drops that were threatening to fall.

- Him? - the rapper couldn't help, but chuckle. You were beyond adorable with that ball of cuteness in your lap.

- It looks like a 'him' to me. - you shrugged a little. - Doesn't it to you? - you asked, finally lifting the furry creature out of the box completely. You held the bunny under his legs on the front, the ones on the back were hanging in the air, brown palms facing with the boy. The pet's tiny nose was moving up and down frantically, and he stared innocently at the sight in front of him with his black, shiny eyes.

- Nooo. - Hyunjin cooed as he took the bunny from you carefully. - I think it's a girl. She's definitely just as pretty as you. - You blushed from neck to ear, as you watched your boyfriend starting to play with the new family member in his lap.

- What kind of living creature has the heart to throw away a cuteness like him? Or her? - you shook your head in disbelief and in anger.  

- I don't even want to know. - he said, turning his attention back to his new buddy. - She's soo tiny, Jagi! And soo fluffy! I'm scared that I'll break her.

- I don't think you will. You're always so mindful. - you smiled, looking back in the box. And your heart skipped a beat at the sight.

- Who is so butiful? Who? - the rapper poked the rabbit's head. - Yes. You are. You are a...

- Hyunjin! - your voice was sharper than you'd wanted it to be, but you couldn't help it. You were gob-smacked.   The boy looked at you with a questioning look. - I found a letter. - you said with concern in your eyes, lifting up the piece of folded paper.

- What does it say? - Hyunjin frowned and you opened the paper properly.

- "To Hyunjin and Y/N,

my favourite couple on this Earth." ?!?! - you almost screamed the last part. You couldn't see it but you knew that the boy's eyes widened as well. The relationship of you two hadn't been official yet. So what the hell was happening?

- "Dear Y/N!" - you continued. - "Stays are really thankful for you, making our Hyunjin happy! Please take care of each other well!

Love,

From a fan" - before you read the last word out loud, your boyfriend had already placed the bunny in your lap, and opened his laptop. You pet the little animal out of pure instinct, but you didn't focus on anything else but on Hyunjin's tensed up form. Silence and the sound of the dancer's wild typing filled the room, but the words of the letter still rang in your ears. "...my favourite couple on this Earth". Did this mean they knew? Probably. Which meant that you're fucked.

- Fuck. - your eyes snapped back to the boy next to you. You didn't have to look on the screen. Hyunjin's pale face, and his lips that were pressed against each other were more than enough for you to know that it was not just a sick joke from one of the members, or something.

- What picture? - you sighed, voice uneven, eyes glistening with tears again. Your deal with JYP was that you keep your relationship hidden from the public. And even though you and Hyunjin had talked about convincing the head of the company to decide otherwise it had not been supposed to turn out like this.

- It was taken at the airport. - he answered, biting on his plump lower lip, making it redder than usual.

- But we can be just...

- We're kissing, Jagi. - you closed your eyes in horror. This couldn't be happening.

- I mean... - you tried to think about some solution desperately. - Friends kiss sometimes...

- I'm literally grabbing your ass. - the boy laughed but you couldn't found the joy in the sound this time. You shook your head again, trying to clear your thoughts.

- Okay...go to your phone! I take a look at this. - you switched places with him, with the bunny on your knees and you looked at the computer.

There it was, the picture filled the screen. The photo was blurry a little bit, but it was still pretty obvious who were in it.

"Well...at least we're looking cute." The bittersweet thought ran through your mind as you kept looking up on twitter, facebook, and instagram. You didn't get calmed down by what you found there.

- Oh my God...The internet has blown up. - you said shocked, and the same laugh filled your ears from before. - No, I mean we're everywhere. Like...everywhere.

- So that's why Park Nim's called me...seventy-one times. - your boyfriend muttered.

- WHAT?

- And why Chan's texted me on every single existing platform.

- What is he saying? - you asked, massaging your temples painfully. You didn't know whether you should laugh or cry.

- That he's by my side through it all. - the dancer answered softly.

- You got the best fucking leader you could've ever wished for. - you grinned, truly happily this time. Chris was like a glue. He kept everyone and everything together. And you really hoped that he had someone in his life who did the same with him. Because he fucking deserved it.

- However, Minho's just recommended that we should change identity and run. - you laughed with him, and it seemed like his mood got lifted up a little bit. - Maybe this situation is not even that bad. - he pulled the optimist out of himself and you raised an eyebrow. - Worse happen all the time. We can get through this, Y/N. I promise.

- I know. - you smiled reaching for his hand and get it in your own. The pet in your lap squirmed.

- Look. We even got a bunny from them. - he said all cheered up, and you shook your head, still smiling.

- And they know where I live.

- That's it. - he shouted after his face'd gone pale for a minute. - We're moving together!

(If I suffer you guys are suffering with me!!)

Jisung:

- THERE'S A RAT IN OUR HOUSE! THERE'S A RAT IN OUR HOUSEEEEEEEEE! - in any other situation, the fact that your boyfriend referred to your apartment as the home of yours and his as well, would've filled your heart with warmth and joy. But in this case, his tone of voice which he'd shouted the statement with, was so loud and panicked that you almost fell down from your chair due to a heart attack.

- Y/N!!!!!!!! - he yelled again, his voice filled with fear, and your brain hadn't even got a chance to process the meaning of his words before you ran.

- WHAT'S WRONG? - you bursted into your bedroom, ready to fight against all evil in this Earth that'd been brave enough to attack your boyfriend.

One of your hands grabbed the doorframe, the other still on the doorknob, your whole body was tensed, and even though the distance between your bedroom and the kitchen wasn't too big, you were still gasping for air.

On the other hand, Jisung was standing on your bed, his back against the wall, trying to get as far from whatever had scared him as possible. His face was pale, he was slightly sweating, and his eyes were glued to the carpet.

- It's a ra...r...ra... - he pointed forward, not being able to finish the sentence. You frowned, remembering the scream that had scared your soul out of your body for a brief moment. And you got really confused at this point, because his words couldn't be true. Not that he'd lied or something. It was just simply impossible.

- Are you sure that it wasn't only a bug or something? - you asked carefully, stepping into the room. You didn't really know how could someone mistake an insect for a rodent, but your boyfriend got easily scared by shadows too, so you wouldn't have been that surprised if that had been the case.

- NO, IT'S A RAT JAGI, I SWEAR! - he shouted again almost hysterically, and you sighed, as you stepped in front of him, looking up at his trembling form.

- Jisung...we live in the middle of Seoul. - you made your pretty logical point. - It couldn't be a...

- IT'S THERE!!! - the rapper screamed and you looked down at your feet which a dark...well...something ran through in a split of seconds.

- What the FUCK?! - it was you who yelled now, and you put pumas in shame when you jumped up on your bed as well. Your thoughts were chasing each other in your brain as you tried to made sense of the scene that you'd just seen.

- SEE?! I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU THAT IT WAS A...

- Hush! - you snapped a little, making your boyfriend's shouting came to a halt. You were not mad at him, or anything, but your head started to seriously hurt from the loud noises he kept making, not to talk about the fact that it seemed like there was a pest in your house. - I have an idea. - you whispered as you slowly walked to the other side of the bed, trying to find the thing you were looking for.

Jisung watched as you grabbed a blanket in one of your hands, not completely understanding what you were doing, but it soon enough made sense in his mind, when you took a few pieces of grape from your bedside-table as well.

- Oh... - was all he said.

- I'm going to need your help, okay? - you whispered to him in a serious tone. You weren't sure if rats could understand humans or not, but you didn't want to risk it. - When I drop the blanket on whatever animal this is, we both jump, and press this - you waved your hand that held the material - to the ground.

The boy gulped, but nodded, trying to trust in your plan.

- 3, 2, 1... - you threw the fruits on the carpet, and you both leaned forward, not wanting to miss anything.

You didn't have to wait for long. The dark, furry figure rushed out of a corner, and started to nibble on a grape peacefully, and before your eyes could've registered what it was seeing, you'd already dropped the blanket on the poor thing, and jumped after it, your boyfriend following you.

It all happened in a matter of seconds.

The little animal's sharp cries rang through the room as it started running back and forth under the material which you kneeled onto, while Jisung was on his fourth, trying to hold down the fabric.

And when it got particularly close to you, you jumped forward and grabbed the little body firmly, but trying not to hurt it at the same time.

The furball's cries got even louder if it was possible - you were sure that you got a migraine at this point - and it was squirming frantically under your touch. But even though your heart was beating as fast as it could, you didn't let go. You waited patiently, and it was not for nothing. A few minutes later silence filled the room, and the little pet stopped all of its movements. Only its chest was rising and falling continuously.

- I got it. I...I got it. - you sighed in relief, and the same feeling rushed through your boyfriend when he heard your words.

- Good job, Jagi! - he grinned, still panting, and you gave him a wide smile, as you sat back on your heels.

- Let's take a look at you, 'kay? - you said as you lifted up the animal with the blanket, and you turned it around in your grasp, so now it was facing you, looking like a little, pink dementor, thanks to the blanket that was covering its whole body. You leaned down so you could peek under the fabric, and what you saw under it, made you laugh so hard, that you almost dropped the little thing.

Han looked at you with very confused eyes, but it'd taken minutes before he got an answer since you couldn't stop laughing.

- Jisungie. - he raised an eyebrow, and you chuckled again. - We're so stupid! It's not a rat. - and you turned the fluff in your hands around again, trying to pull back the material on its head, so your boyfriend could see it as well. - It's a guinea pig! - you said cheerfully, as you showed up the dappled, trembling little creature.

And as the pet fear-filled eyes met Han's disbelieving gaze, he started laughing as well.

- Don't tell me we freaked out over a guinea pig! - he laughed, holding his stomach which was probably in pain by now. - Where did it even come from? - he asked hardly believing to the sight in front of him.

- I have no idea. But I guess we'll keep it...? - you smiled at your boyfriend shyly, half saying, half asking your statement. And the boy got overly excited in the minute the words left your mouth.

- It's gonna be our first shared pet!

- I think we could name it Rat. - and you bursted into laughter again.

 Felix: 

It was mid-summer. And you didn't have an air-conditioner. 

Conclusion: It was freaking hot. Like...not just medium hot. The air was literally BOILING in your apartment, making it almost impossible to stay inside. You almost felt as if your skin was peeling off of you. The cold showers only helped for a little bit of  time, you were sweating, and you were sure that you didn't own the best smell in South-Korea. 

And your situation didn't get solved by deodorants. After you'd sprayed almost a whole bottle of them on yourself, you started to smell like flower. Like...a rottening flower. It was terrible. All you wanted to do was eating ice-cream in a pool, filled with cold water, probably naked. 

But you were way too broke for spending your money on ice-cream, since yesterday your uterus had been bleeding like crazy so couldn’t get in any pool, and you couldn't even get naked because the sweetest boyfriend of boyfriends, Felix, was at your place now, wearing only a boxer. Oh how you hated men sometimes.  After all this, no one had been able to blame you for opening the windows. You needed some fresh air. Even if it was hot.

- I'll get something to drink for us, okay? - the boy who had been scrolling through your album which you collected your concert tickets and photos in, now jumped up, ready to go with you.

- I'll help. - he yelled, jokingly, holding up his hand as if he was applying for something. You shook your head in awe as you stepped closer to the freckled boy. 

- That's very sweet of you, Lixie, and I appreciate it, but it's only two glasses of water. I can handle it. - you smiled sweetly, trying to hold back a grin when you noticed how the nickname had affected him. You could literally see his heart flutter through his eyes. - I'll be right back. - and you leaned closer, pressing a quick peck on his pouting lips, leaving him all red and hot. 

You ran off to the kitchen, still smiling and as you opened the fridge you couldn't help but to think about the fact how this boy could light up your extremely crappy mood, by only existing. He was like he ate the sunshine. He went somewhere and that placed instantly brightened up, and got alive. He was special. He could paint everything in color, by just looking at it with those warm, deep brown eyes of his. Even the darkest places and situations were filled with laughter, joy and fun with this boy. And you couldn't feel luckier for being able to call him yours.

This was the exact thought that settled in your mind when you poured some water in a glass. And this was the exact thought that couldn't be continued, because of a surprisingly high pitched scream that came from a boy with a surprisingly low voice.

- OH MY GOSH! JAGI! - you flinched so hard, you almost hit your elbow in the corner of the desk. And even though somehow you'd managed to prevent this, you still dropped the glass, that broke into thousands of pieces when it met the floor. - HEEEELP!!!! HEEEEEELP!!! - loud rambles, and weird thumps came from the living room harmonizing with the yells, and you didn't even think, you just ran. And you almost made contact with the ground as well, when arriving in the doorframe of the room you had to back off due to a rainbowish, flying creature that was way too big to be a bug.

- WHAT THE FREAKIN'... - you yelled too, literally breaking your neck, as you turned your head towards the animal, which flew over your shoulder, aiming one of your rooms.

- JAGI! 

- FELIX, WHAT THE HELL?! - you turned your head back, meeting the boy's widened eyes, who was now standing only a few inches from you. He seemed just as frightened as you were. - What on Earth is that? - you tried lowering your voice, not wanting to make your significant other deaf.

- A parrot. - he answered, biting on his lower lip.

- A WHAT?! - nope. You were yelling again. There was a tropical bird in your house after all.

 - I'm...I...I'm sorry... - your boyfriend struggled with the words. You furrowed your eyebrows together. What was he sorry for? - It just flew through the window...I...I couldn't prevent that...It was a parrot...and soo big...but mostly a parrot...I've got so surprised I...

- Felix! - you said a bit harshly, making the boy's rambling stop. - Hey, it's okay. I don't blame you. - your tone softened and you chuckled. - No one would have been able to do anything. It's a mother effin parrot after all. - you saw your boyfriend's body relax a little. God, he could be so harsh on himself sometimes. 

- What should we do now? - Felix asked when you both heard some flapping from the bathroom. And then glass breaking. - Was it your aunt's vase?

- It was ugly anyway. - you shrugged it off. - But I don't want this bird to poop on my furniture. - you added much more annoyed. - I think I have a butterfly-net somewhere. - the rapper raised an eyebrow but only nodded.

- I'll grab the broom. 

The only thing your neighbor from the front house wanted was to sprinkle her plants on the balcony. She didn't expect to hear sounds that were most familiar with explosions. She didn't expect sentences like "COME HERE, YOU FEATHER DUSTER!", "DON'T YOU DARE TO SHIT ON Y/N'S SOFA!" and "I'LL MAKE A WAR BONNET OUT OF YOU IF YOU BREAK SOMETHING ELSE!" catch her attention. And she definitely didn't expect to witness a basically naked boy jumping across a table with a broom in his hand, nor a girl making weird dance moves using a butterfly-net, nor a parrot flying on an aquarium. 

But here she was. Fair to be said, you didn't expect your day to come to this either, when you planned this date. 

- I GOT IT! OH MY GOD, I GOT I...- your voice cracked. - Jeez, I really need some water. - you murmured to yourself, silently praying that the still crazily flapping bird was not going to escape from the net.  Luckily your hero happened to be in near, so as soon as he'd heard your shout he'd got there. And he ran into the room. And he dropped his weapon. And he jumped. To be honest he'd never reminded you more of a cat. 

- Okay. Okay. It's okay, buddy. Calm down. - he panted, holding the parrot firmly, pressing it against his bare chest. The bird was squirming frantically in his grasp, scratching and pinching the skin, but Felix didn't let go. And in a few minutes the animal calmed down, and so you both did. 

- Oh Lord... - you sighed, as you peeled the net off of the pet. Your apartment looked like a war scene, you were sweating, and still gasping for air, not to talk about your boyfriend, who even gave his blood to this mission. Literally. - Go to the kitchen. - you spoke eventually. - We need to take care of your wounds. - you pointed to the scars that were not too deep, but long, and probably painful. - I have to disinfect them.

- What about our little friend? - he questioned, looking down at the - now - frozen bird.

- Just hold it there, please. - you massaged your forehead, trying to find out some kind of solution. - After we cleared you up, we’ll take it to the vet. And then buy it a cage, or something. - Felix nodded in agreement, but the pet clearly had other things in mind because it turned its head towards you, and then said:

- Don't want vet. This chest good. - both of your eyes widened, but you were the one who started to laugh.

- I was not the one who said that. - you held your hands in the air, making your way into the kitchen, laughing uncontrollably .  

Seungmin:

 - STOP! For the love of God, STOP IT ALREADY! - both the man who you were yelling at, and your boyfriend whose hold you'd just ripped your hand out of looked at you pretty much frightened as you started to run, gesticulating heavily. Did you care? No. Not really. You were too busy trying to stop the person in front of you from what he was about to do.

- Miss, you can't... - the man tried. He really did. It was mid-autumn, chilly, windy weather, with trees, some of them standing tall in their orange, red and brown gowns, some of them naked already. Dry, golden leaves were everywhere, but mostly positioned in little heaps in the park.

In the park you'd been walking with your significant other only minutes ago, when you'd noticed the employee stepping towards a really familiar pile of leaves, with a huge vacuum in his hand.

That was the moment you'd got into action.

- THAT'S SOMEONE'S HOME! - your shouting was unnecessary since you'd already reached the man who now flinched back at the volume of your voice. But you wanted to make yourself clear. Gosh, you really couldn't get human beings sometimes. How could they destroy, and step on every piece of nature, so carelessly, without a second thought?

You couldn't see the confused look the man exchanged with the singer as you fell on your knees in front of the - actually pretty big - heap, carefully diving in it with your hands. But you heard the vacuum stopping its buzzing noise and you relaxed a little.

You didn't bother to clarify your actions any further, you just kept fumbling between the leaves, trying to find what you were looking for. And soon enough you heard a thump close to you.

You lifted your head out of instinct, only to see Seungmin on the other side of the pile, both hands buried in it, smiling up at you from his croutching position. You guys probably looked crazy to the people around you, scuba-diving in fallen leaves like a mad-man but neither of you cared.

You specifically just wanted to jump on him, engulfing him in a bone crashing hug, but you only grinned back at him, putting the embrace on the 'To Do List' of your mind. However your gaze was still filled with gratitude towards him.

There were not many people in your life who cared not only about you, but about the things that were important to you as well. And there were doubtlessly no other person who could understand you as well, and as fast as he did. You couldn't even put it into words how thankful you were to have him in your life.

A  sharp pain was the thing that pulled your thoughts back to the present. You yelped, more surprised than hurt, but in the next second you reached forward again, and ignoring the stinging in your palms you grabbed the animal you'd finally found.

You leaned back, sitting on your heels, and lifting out the squirming creature from its home, slowly and gently.

The hedgehog made a weird noise as if it was complaining for waking it up from its sleep, and you smiled a little, even though with gritted teeth as you started to be more and more aware of the pain in your hands that the animal's spines caused you.

- Here, Jagi. - your boyfriend's voice was soft and caring, as he offered you his sweater to put your new little friend in. You gave him a questioning look, knowing very well how much he liked that clothe but he just furrowed his brows, pouting a little. - You’re bleeding, Darling. My sweater should be the last of your problems. - he was right. Fresh, light red blood started to make its way through your fingers in thin streams, and even though you still felt guilty a little, for probably ruining the hoodie, you still put the hedgehog in it, Seungmin wrapping it up like it was a baby.

- We're taking it to the vet. - the boy spoke up. - I'm sure they can sterilize your wounds too. - you looked at your hands. None of your injures seemed to be deep, nor serious, but you had to admit the fact that it was a wild animal that'd injured you and small cuts could get infected easily. So you agreed with a nod, starting to walk away from the messed up pile.

- Next time, make sure you at least kick in it. - you said, as you both crossed the man who'd intended to get rid of the leaves. - Sometimes whole families live in there. - no one could doubt that, that day you taught important lessons.

 Jeongin:

 - Oh in the name of the Lord...! - you hissed, basically tumbling out of the shower, eyes closed, one hand covering them, your body soaking wet all over, the shower still running behind you, since you'd been too lazy to turn it off.

You're phone hadn't stopped ringing for the past few minutes, and even though you'd greatly hoped that however had harassed you during your relaxation time  would've stopped calling you, they hadn't and the sharp noise had started to really get on your nerves.

So now you were looking for the mobile, trying to find it with your hands, still blindly and naked.

- It better be important. - you'd groaned in the minute you felt the buzzing machine against your hand  before you picked up the phone.

- What? - you asked annoyed, not even caring about who was on the other end  of the line. But when the person answered back, you froze, fear running its hands up on your nerves.

- Noona! - Jeongin's voice was somewhat shaky and uncertain as if he was not completely sure if it was a good idea to call you or not. However in the minute you heard that word leaving his mouth you opened your eyes wide, and instantly regretted it, since your shampoo that was still in your hair had gotten into it.

- Auch... - you moaned in pain, absolutely sure that you'd just got blind for real this time, as you tried to find a towel with your other hand. I.N only called you Noona when something really bad or serious happened.

- Noona, are you okay? - now he was worried too. You wanted to slap yourself for scaring him but you decided that the pain in your eyes was more than enough punishment.

- Yeah, I'm fine, just... - you mumbled, tapping the shampoo out of your eyes with the corner of your gown, not finding the towel earlier. - What's wrong? - you asked and silence filled the room for a brief moment.

- I really need your help. - his voice was panicked and you really started to get afraid of what he was about to say.

- Okay, I'm listening. - you assured him, and he sighed.

- So someone broke into the building...

- WHAT?! - you yelled out of instinct and absolutely terrified. Did you hear it well? Someone broke into the Entertainment? - WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOMEONE BROKE INTO THE...oh God...Is everyone okay? Are you hurt? Is anyone hurt? Is...

- Y/N. - he said in a soft but firm tone, and you immediately stopped in your rambling. However your heart still wanted to jump out of your ribcage. - Just...let me finish, okay? - he asked obviously tired and you felt a little ashamed of yourself. You really should've let him to tell you everything. But you couldn't stop the fear from spreading out in your body. How could you?

You hummed in response and your boyfriend continued.

- So someone broke into the building, and left a hamster in JYP's room...

-  A WHA... - but you hadn't even finished the question before putting a hand over your mouth. - Sorry...

- So someone left there a box, with a hamster in it. And it got out. And it destroyed everything, Y/N. Like...everything. - the maknae's voice trembled again in the middle of his speech. - He tried to eat the furniture, pooped on the keyboard - you couldn't help but let out a small chuckle here, as you imagined the small pieces of hamster poop being on the boss' laptop - He chewed the papers - the most important ones obviously... - oh how you loved that sarcasm coming through. - Everything is a mess.

- Well I can imagine that. - you grimmased, the pictures of a destroyed office appearing in your mind.

- And I don't dare to imagine what would happen with this little guy, if JYP found him here when he arrives... - you couldn't see him but you knew he bit down on his bottom lip before finishing the sentence. Damn was he stressed out.

- And he finds out what happened with his many milliard quality room? - you asked and he finally laughed a little which made you smile too.

- Well...yeah...

- Where's the hamster? - you asked, wanting to know every detail but you didn't expect the answer you got.

- It's in the box now. Which is also in my hand. - Jeongin muttered embarrassed. - And I'm kind of hiding behind a vending machine with Hyunjin-hyung.

- Hi, Y/N.- you then heard the rapper whispering. Even though his voice was quite you could easily recognise the nervousness in his tone.

- Hi, Jinnie. - you answered, trying to sound as calm and as collected as possible, in hopes of simmering them down somewhat. - I'm coming over, okay? - you asked, adressing your words to the maknae this time.

- Would you?

- Of course I would, baby! - you didn't even know why he was so surprised. He should've known very well by now that you could do everything for him. - I'll be there as fast as possible. Just keep hiding behind that vending machine! - you gave the instructions, and after the youngest had asked you to hurry, you hung up the phone.

Instead of getting back in the shower, you just leaned under the running water to wash the left over shampoo out of your hair, but you didn't dry it after you'd finished and closed the tap.

You  just quickly pulled on some clothes - a shirt, and a pair of jeans - not bothering to find your underwear, or messing with your bra. It would have been too much of a time.

You just grabbed your key and your phone, an you stormed out of the house.

Luckily your apartment was only minutes away from the JYP building, so you got there within a few seconds by running.

You received a whole lot of weird look, as you made it through the security system - the system which had failed to prevent a hamster from getting in and destroying the boss' room -, an entered the hall. You ran up the stairs, checking behind every vending machine, until you managed to find your boyfriend, and one of your best friends, standing behind one of them, on their tip-toes, clinging to each other in the tiny, dark, and probably dusty place, one of them holding a carton box.

- Hi. - you whispered, and Jeongin's head snapped in the direction of yours, just to be welcomed with a kiss on his lips. His whole face flushed, and under any other circumstances you would have already made a joke out of his shyness. - I got this. - you assured him, as you took the box out of his hands, and stepped back. - Now come out of there, because you guys are hiding from PDnim waaaay too obviously. - the two boys crawled out behind of the machine, on uneven feet, one after the other. Their faces were pale, and they looked a little bit shaken up, but otherwise they seemed to be fine.

- Awh man. - Hyunjin whined, both of his eyes became a straight line, as he tried to protect them from the sharp light of the lamps above you.  - I thought we would never come out of there. - he went on, combing out his locks with his fingers. - Dust got into my hair.

- And you're smelly! - Jeongin talked back intensly, but you couldn't listen, since an approaching figure stole your eyes.

- It's not my fault that we got interrupted in the middle of dance class!

- Well if only you weren't be a drama que... - they couldn't carry on with the fight, due to you, interrupting them.

- Just smile, and wave boys. Act normal. We're normal. - you whispered through gritted teeth, and that was when they finally looked up, their gaze meeting JYP's.

- Hi there. - the head of the company smiled, and you were quick to greet him with a bow, and a 'Hello'. - What ya doing here?

- I just came to meet up with the guys for a few minutes. - you answered politely while you kept trying to convince your brain that this lie was totally believable. Why wouldn't have you done that, right? You loved spending time with the boys. - What about you, sir?

- Just heading off to my office. I've got some work to finish. - you desperately wanted to finish this unplaesent conversation, and escape the little animal, and also yourself from the stares of the man. - Anyway. What ya got there?

- Just some home made food I brought to the boys. - you answered quickly - too quickly - looking down at the box, then back the person in front of you whose eyes started to form a thin line, brows getting in the middle of his forehead. - But they've finished it already.

- And why is your hair wet?

- And why aren't you wearing a bra? - Hyunjin whispered under his breath, from behind some strands of hair of yours, and you shut your eyes tight for a moment, not sure whether your dripping locks, or your - thanks to the air-conditioning, now stiffened - nipples you should be more embarrassed about. You could bet your ass off that Jeongin had turned into a tomato by now.

- Ehhehhehe... - you faked laughed on a lot more high-pitched tone than usual. - I got some sauce in it by accident, and when I tried to wash it out, I somehow got all of my hair wet. - you muttered, praying to whatever power controlled this world to help you out of your situation. You were terrible at lying. - It would be the best for me if I went home now, and dried it. - you added, and fortunately Park Jinyoung didn't disagree.

- That's right, that's right. You really should do that. - the man said, but it looked like he'd already got lost in his thoughts. - However, I must go now. It's been great to talk to you. - and he started to walk to the stairs. - Keep up the good work, boys! - he waved back.

- Yes, PD-nim! - All of you bowed and said by to him, your hearts beating like crazy. And as soon as the man disappeared from your eye-sights the two boys turned to you whisper-shouting a 'run' command.

They didn't have to tell you twice. You sprinted down to the hall, and out of the building, an it was only in the middle of the street a few meters away from the company that you stopped, sweating, but laughing out, relieved.

- I made it. We made it! - you laughed, peeking inside the box, just to see a tiny little, brown furred hamster looking back at you. You smiled at the pet, and then started to walk away, closing the box, when a threatening, thunder-like roar made you and the other people on the street stop all of their movements.

- WHO PUT SHIT ON MY KEYBOARD?!

 Hi there!

I’m here with the second part and I’d really like to know which one was your favourite and why! And I always LOVE to recieve opinions and requests so feel free to do it! I really hope that I could make you smile, or even laugh a little. :) Have an amazing day, filled with giggles and joy! :D Stray Kids Makes Us STAY

[danni-dollarsign]

A Critical Look at “Pokemon: Sword and Shield” From a Casual’s Perspective...

A/N: Hey! if you’re reading this, then thank you! I don’t know why, but I thought to myself, “Hey, wouldn’t it be cool to write a pointless essay about a Pokemon game?” And then I realized today was the 1YR anniversary of SWSH, so I figured I might as well just do it! So even though I’m late and probably nobody will really care to read all this nonsense, I wrote it! If you’re interested in all the analyses of PKMN SWSH, but aren’t too invested in the technical mumbo-jumbo used by the more hardcore fans, then maybe you’ll enjoy this. 

Also, it’s worth mentioning that I’m literally just some rando on the internet saying my opinion. None of this should really be taken SUPER seriously - it’s mainly designed to provoke thought rather than try to argue any specific idea. So if I say something that you don’t agree with, you got two options: 1) Draft a constructive comment or DM to me and we can discuss calmly like adults, 2) shake your idea and ignore this. There’s really no need to get heated up over a video game essay, of all things, so let’s not do that lol. 

But other than that, yeah! If you’re interested in more stuff like this from me (in-depth analyses of Pokemon games from the perspective of a low-key casual), lemme know! I’d love to chat with anyone about this awesome series.

So, without any further ado, let’s get into the essay (warning: it’s like ~8k words).

Introduction...

Welcome to the wonderful world of Pokemon! Love it or hate it, Pokemon has had a huge impact on popular culture in countless countries in a number of different ways, sparking memes, dreams, and happiness everywhere! It holds a very special place in my heart - Pokemon was a game that I got to share with my two older siblings, was one of the first fandoms I got into, and was a big reason as to why I grew to love creative writing so much after writing a couple fanfictions for the games. I’ve been playing Pokemon ever since my brother gave me a copy of Pokemon: Ruby and have been a devoted fan ever since. While I may not be super into the strategy and damn near mathematical aspects of gameplay, I’d like to consider myself a relatively knowledgeable fan with enough extra knowledge to give a look at one of these games from a casual, yet analytical view. So what game other than the newest title, Pokemon: Sword and Shield, with its release anniversary being today? In this casual online essay, I hope to describe all my thoughts of Sword and Shield (which I’ll shorten down to just “SWSH”) from the perspective of the everyday Pokemon fan.

General Gameplay...

Many top-title games of Nintendo are best known for their simplicity: in Super Mario Bros, you’re a mustachioed red guy jumping on monsters to try and save some random princess (who may or may not be in this castle); in The Legend of Zelda, you’re a green elf-looking guy slashing wildly at monsters with a sword given to you by some old guy in hopes of defeating some ultimate bad guy; and in Pokemon, you’re a child wandering around the region catching monsters who also accidentally saves the world before becoming the very best (like no-one ever was). And while the games themselves have grown from that initial stylistic simplicity, some have lost that creative in-depthness in favor of being playable for children. This is probably the biggest issue with the newer Pokemon games as of late.

Regardless, let’s look into the playability of SWSH.

It’s played like your regular Pokemon game; you’re a kid who journeys to become the Champion of Pokemon Battling with your friend, catching monsters known as “Pokemon” with pocket-sized balls dubbed “Pokeballs.” But I’m sure you’re all aware of that information, and are instead asking “Well, what’s the deeper plot?” Yeah, no, that’s it. You’re a kid catching Pokemon to become champion - oh, and you also accidentally save the world from a power-hungry businessman - but that’s neither here nor there.

Plot aside, the game is a bit barebones. It’s pretty linear gameplay (literally linear - the map of the Galar region is almost exactly a straight-line waltz from Postwick to Wyndon, which is a bit weird after dealing with the giant, sprawling maps of earlier generations) where you travel from place to place, beating gyms and catching ‘mons, before getting into a couple scuffles and becoming champion. For an RPG-styled game, it comes off as much too simplistic for older fans (I’d even reason that it’s too simplistic for younger players, as well). While I will say, I don’t exactly miss the days of hopelessly wandering around a pixel city, trying desperately to figure out how to move on to the next town because the answer to the puzzle is hidden in this giant area that my little peanut-brain couldn’t figure out at the time. But it is a bit demeaning to get “Hey, do you know where to go?” and  “Hey, follow me so you don’t get lost!” and “Oh, yeah, want another tutorial on how to easily catch Pokemon for the fourth time in a row?” every two seconds in a city where there’s only two places to check out.

But we can’t really discuss the gameplay of Pokemon without discussing the highlights of the region. Ever since the transition from 2D to 3D, Pokemon games have begun a trend of gimmicks - which I like to call “battle enhancers” - that they use to add uniqueness to their games. X&Y had Mega Evolution, Sun and Moon (and USUM) had Z-Moves, and now we have Dynamax! As we all know, battle enhancers are the strategy by which the player uses some extraterrestrial/magic stone to physically enhance one pokemon at a time for a certain period of time - in the case of Dynamax, the pokemon either grows in size or changes in form, gaining the ability to use special type-based attacks for a duration of three turns.

Honestly, I think it’s a pretty fun mechanic! Dynamax combines the good components of both Z-Moves and Mega Evolution - new forms, awesome moves, and a ticking clock. It adds a bit more strategy to the battle enhancer, where the player actually has to plan out who and when to Dynamax (though it’s really not that hard - most everyone will save it for their ace or the pokemon with the type advantage at the very end of the battle, because that’s what you do). But it’s fun and creative, making the battle a bit more exciting when you see your beloved ace become gargantuan on a field while the audience chants in excitement. Initially, I was skeptical of the battle enhancer, but once I threw myself into the game and really got into it, I felt it was fun and cool for the region. My feelings were further improved when I learned that Dynamax was inspired by the idea that the Nintendo Switch had the potential to be played on the TV as well as in a hand-held mode. The idea of turning pokemon “big” on a “big-screen” is really just so cute to me, really. Overall, it’s a fitting concept that is paired well to the game when everything is considered.

But when you look beyond the Dynamx experience to find more content in the game… there’s really not much else. Many people (including me) were ecstatic to hear about the free-roam areas in SWSH - the Wild Areas. Here, you can do all the fun grinding stuff that makes Pokemon games a bit more challenging and fun - hatching eggs, shiny-hunting, running around in circles, Dynamax dens, etc. But when looking at other Pokemon games, that’s really it. Let’s examine Pokemon: Sun and Moon, for example. This game really shines not just for its refreshing setting and compelling plot-line, but also for it’s amount of cute and quirky mini-games to be enjoyed for a good while outside of the main story. Pyukumuku Chucking, Mantine Surfing, the Alolan Photo Club, Ultra Warp Ride Travel - a good handful of mini-games that appeal to different kinds of people! All of these mini-games aren’t just tossed in there, either - they have a fitting place in the culture of the world and add to it, rather than just reiterating it. But when you look for mini-games in SWSH, you won’t really find anything aside from just battling. Sure, there’s the Battle Tower, as well, but I’ll personally say that I’ve never been a fan of the concept of post-game NPC battle buildings. For a hardcore player, they might be fun, but as a casual who can’t devote the time to really dig into understanding how IVs and competitive breeding works, they’re really no fun. Not to mention that nothing is really being added or developed with these battle buildings; they don’t add to lore, they don’t add to the culture of the region, you don’t even really gain anything from it - they’re pretty much just places to battle the occasional familiar face and that’s it. While I’m sure plenty of people adore these facilities in the games, I’ve never been too partial to them (I’d even prefer those god-forsaken casinos over another goddamn battle frontier).

But my biggest problem lies with the release of the DLC. While I’m not against the idea of DLC in general, both The Isle of Armour and The Crown Tundra left a bitter taste in my mouth when I started thinking about the issue of playability in SWSH.

I have always been more invested in the storyline of Pokemon games rather than the battling aspects. Usually I’ve always just gotten through the main story, then wandered around to find extra post-game content or mini-games, and then moved on to other games. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing - I just figure that the games have served their purpose for me upon completion, so rather than bore myself wandering around and doing things that don’t interest me, I go find another game that has more story-based content. That being said, I finished SWSH in less time than any other Pokemon game (I’d say somewhere around twenty hours, complete with me running around in circles like an idiot before rushing through content intermittently); as a result, I was no longer actively playing the game by the time the DLC was announced.

I’ll be honest and say that when I learned about all that was being offered in both sets of DLC, I felt a bit betrayed. I’m well-aware that Nintendo is a corporate business, and therefore will always prioritize financial gain over their fans’ lasting enjoyment of their titles - that’s just a fact of life. But I couldn’t help but feel like I paid a bunch of money for the bundled titles, only to play a game that hardly could be considered worthwhile or satisfying without added headcanons or fan-works, and then get told that extra content is available that may or may not add satisfaction to the experience that’s already long since ended for me. It was just a bit disappointing - and I’m not talking about the whole “Dexit” deal (I actually was on-board with the idea of having no real National Dex - I felt it added realism to the games and would force players to get to know the new Pokemon instead of just choosing the same team they always have since Gen 1 or whatever). My gripe is that I paid for a whole game, wasn’t satisfied with the result, only to hear later that the content that I might have been missing is available to pay for? That’s incredibly annoying. Not to mention that I was further disappointed after learning about the contents of the DLC, but we’ll get into that later.

Overall, the playability of SWSH is very basic, but can be enjoyable if you suspend belief and just enjoy it for what it is. When it comes to storyline, it’s not much of a game, and doesn’t sport much post-game content besides battling.

Immersion and Ambience...

Many of my friends can attest that I tend to like silly, fantastical concepts because I personally love to throw myself into the universe being offered to me. Pokemon is really no different - the games have always sported a very immersive experience for me thanks to the combination of interesting regions and evocative music (especially the music).

I think that most every Pokemon fan has a specific region, city, and music theme that sparks a plethora of nostalgic emotions to the point of near tears. For me, that’s always been Pokemon: Platinum, the Twinleaf Town theme - just staring into the rippling reflection of the pond by the player’s home, listening to that beautiful synth clarinet playing that nostalgic melody - it makes my heart beat with so much fervent passion that I hardly have the words to describe it! And I think that sense of nostalgia - regardless of whether or not those memories are old or new - has always been a strong-suit for Pokemon games. They always have the ability to inspire such deep emotions in me and other alike in a variety of ways, further adding to the ability to immerse us into the game’s world. And whether your favorite area is as simple as Twinleaf Town in the Sinnoh region, or as agonizing as Rock Tunnel in Kanto, it’s the spirit of certain cities/towns/routes that further add to the immersion of the world in question. But how well does SWSH hold those values? Spoiler Alert: Not very well.

SWSH, in the end, is still a Pokemon game - so the setting is very vibrant and colorful and everything that can hold my attention for long periods of time. But the problem arises when one begins to progress through the game and continuously forgets what’s where and where’s what. A lot of the map is painfully basic (again, due to the literal linear nature of the Galar region) and the cities themselves kind of lack their own real originality. There was an attempt at unique cities that’s become iconic of the Pokemon franchise, but it doesn’t really stick. I think most people would agree with me that the only real memorable areas in the main game were Slumbering Weald, Ballonlea, and Spikemuth, and each of these areas have their own set of problems that also make them a bit difficult to fully enjoy. At their core, most all Galarian cities have the same basic set-up: basic green plants (if plants are in that area at all), the same brick roads that lead either to the gym or to a route leading in/out of city to another city, and a giant gym/key building in the center of it all. And that’s really about it. No real interesting buildings except for gyms and Rose Tower (and I guess technically the hotels), no extraneous locations that aren’t directly related to the plot or to gimmicks - it’s very bare-bones and really can take you out of the experience.

In a hard contrast, I’ll give the example of Generation 1’s region set up - every city has its own personality that also matches the feel of the region as a whole. Every city is based on colors, and each city is themed after that, respectively (i.e. Vermillion City, the city of sunsets themed around the color orange, is home to the Pokemon Fan Club and the kick-ass electric-type gym that initiates feelings of excitement; Lavender Town, the noble town themed around the color purple, is home to the Pokemon Tower and spooky spirits that inspire feelings of somberness and reticence). Obviously, this isn’t very realistic, but the trick isn’t to replicate reality - it is to inspire reality. The Kanto region is incredibly creative, and therefore is easy to immerse oneself into the world because it’s become a world we are actively interested in. We know that it could never truly be real or plausible, but that hardly matters when we are so enthralled with the colors and set-up and feeling of the towns. We don’t really get much of that in Galar. It probably isn’t such a great idea for your final city - being Wyndon - to feel blank and lifeless when compared to minor cities in the region. And even when we find cities that hold that uniqueness we desire like in Spikemuth or Ballonlea, there’s really no other reason to be there longer than just beating the gym. It’s sad, really. Spikemuth is such a interesting, creative-looking town home to such cool characters, and yet there literally is only one path to get in and out of the town - the town isn’t even given small houses to investigate like literally every other city in the region. It’s a waste of potential! The fact that I can’t investigate such a promising setting that inspires me really takes me out of the world, reminding me that this is just a video game in which you move from Point A to Point B. It’s no longer a fantasy world for me to explore, but instead a line at the DMV to get my Drivers’ License. The only real good thing about this is that fanfiction writers get so much free-reign when it comes to writing about the city - the only thing we really learn about the city is that it’s underfunded and gloomy and that’s literally it. I would have really liked to see more inspired cities around the region where things outside of the main plot can be done, but hopefully this is just a problem we’ll see in this region.

Probably the most important aspect of immersion (in my opinion) is the music. With the potential to make or break a game for me, I hold a lot of expectations on the music found in video games (I’ve been classically trained in music since elementary school, and have always had a fondness for video game music). Pokemon music has always been some of the most inspiring pieces of art in my life - whether it be the kickass battle suite of Champion Cynthia, or the somber piano melody of Emma’s Theme, the music of Pokemon has always been the first thing I notice and analyze whenever playing the latest title. That all being said, I have quite a few notes to make in regards to the soundtrack of SWSH.

I’ll start with the pros, first. Generally, every main title has had its own feel when it comes to the soundtrack - DPP was jazzy and smooth, Sun and Moon was based on popular Hawaiian music meshed together with classic Pokemon synths, RSE was all about the horn section (trombones and french horns all the way!). SWSH, at the end of the day, isn’t much different. The region is inspired by the UK, so it’s no surprise to discover that the soundtrack was inspired by popular British Rock. As a result, a lot of themes went really hard, keeping a hint of individuality even when some battle themes hosted similar instruments. The biggest appeal of the soundtrack, I believe, was found in the little moments, namely the cheers of the gym battle themes. I think it’s safe to say that most people get super hyped when they hear those rhythmical chants coming to life whenever in the final leg of the battle, right when you begin to Dynamax. That’s amazingly exciting, never failing to suck me into that exact moment to gather the power of God and anime to defeat my opponent. While I wasn’t totally rocking out to every single song that came on, I was pretty satisfied with the music of SWSH, overall. It’s not too bad, and hosts a few bops that I still seek out to get my blood pumping.

But, as to be expected, there are plenty of cons when it comes to the soundtrack of SWSH. I could go over this for hours and hours, detailing complex definitions of music theory and basic song comprehension, but I’ll just make this nice and simple: it was really bland.

Note that I said “bland” and not “bad” - the music is fine in my opinion, I just wasn’t feeling the same feelings as I had in previous Pokemon titles. It all felt like Pokemon music, but not much else. It was like remembering hints of a memory long-lost, but you don’t really care about to dig deep into your mind for context. Towns had music, routes had music, pokemon and characters had battle themes, yada yada yada, nothing really to write home about. If I had to pick a song that honestly, truly invoked emotions beyond “Oh it’s battle time, now”, it would have to be the Battle Tower Theme, and that’s most likely because it was written by someone else entirely (Toby Fox, also known as the creator of Undertale and composer of super hard-hitting jams). And the worst part is that I never would have even been able to hear the Battle Tower theme because I hate battle buildings (which is more of a personal problem, I know, but still). Honestly, I would have preferred hearing that theme as compared to Champion Leon’s battle theme - I feel like his champion theme was very bland and lifeless, simply holding all the required elements of a Pokemon battle theme just because that’s what has to happen. It’s uninspired, faceless, and corporate, only to be completely foiled by the unique blast of energy found in the Battle Theme, which just screams “Prove that you’re the best!” over and over to me (also known as a big theme in the Pokemon games, especially in SWSH).

That’s not to say that every other theme in the game was terrible. I much enjoyed Marnie and Piers’ battle themes, but for a different reason. As we know, Piers and Marnie host a more “punk rock” style when compared to literally everyone else in-game, a trademark of Spikemuth citizens. With their occasionally cold and prickly (no pun intended) personalities, their themes go a bit harder into rock-land as compared to characters like Hop or Bede. There’s no conflict of style there - it’s “punk” with “rock”, loads of guitars and bass with a hint of synths to keep that Pokemon flare, and fits a bit better in the setting of the world. Mild conflict arises when we start looking at characters who aren’t rockstars or idols - let’s look at Bede’s theme, for example. While it really isn’t a bad theme (it’s actually, dare I say, a bop), I wouldn’t exactly say that the resulting pieces fit neatly together like they do for the Spikemuth duo. Bede’s theme requires a lot of synths to accentuate his more flamboyant and immature personality, but also holds ties with the rock guitars while also trying so desperately hard to sound like a Pokemon song. Now, I don’t think “Pop Synth Rock” is anything bad, per se; I just feel like the added rock elements didn’t do much to add to the musical representation of our cliche jerk-face “rival”. It feels like the rock elements were an after-thought rather than a planned layer of musicality. I could really say the same thing about Hop’s theme, but then I would have to re-listen to Hop’s theme because I always forget what it sounds like even after listening to it a second before.

A big problem is that not many of these themes hold lastingly memorable motifs/melodies, which is a personal pet-peeve of mine in games where the music is highly esteemed. In pretty much every battle theme (except the generic pokemon encounter theme, which is the same melody in every Pokemon game, only with variations added to fit the music theme of the region) is just an on-going strip of notes that sound nice when playing the game, but if you tried to pick out the specific melody-line of that character, it’s a bit of work to really find anything. Let’s look at a more concrete example: Lusamine’s battle theme from Pokemon: Sun and Moon is up on my list of most memorable battle themes, and will do well without the extra influence of young me’s nostalgia seeping in like it would with earlier generations’ battle themes. Lusamine, as we know, was the elite antagonist of the game, being the leader of this esteemed Pokemon protection group who later is revealed to be using Pokemon for her own demented goals of perfection. Almost immediately, the player hears the signature accents of the harpsichord playing the prime motif before the piece digs into a full orchestration. It doesn’t sacrifice anything for the sake of “sounding like a Pokemon song”, nor does it sacrifice anything for the sake of keeping with the musical inspiration. Instead, it focuses on being exactly what it needs to be - a musical representation of Lusamine, hosting orchestra-based instruments (piano, violas and cellos, horns, violins, light pad synths, etc…). Most anyone can pick out a handful of memorable motifs from her theme (the main horns melody line, the harpsichord melody line, the mid-section cello and piano melody line, etc…), and those remain in our unconscious. So, it’s no surprise that when she becomes the “Mother Beast” later on, when the player hears hints of those signature melody lines becoming distorted in the madness of the new battle theme, it invokes a particular emotion that fits elegantly with the subject matter of the plot right then. In short, it’s musical storytelling done right. In SWSH, we don’t have that extra omph of emotionally-nostalgic motifs; instead, we just get songs that play in the background of this video game, and that’s really it. If you don’t like the song, good news - you’ll probably only hear it once or twice, depending on who the NPC is. If you do, then you’re out of luck for the very same reasons. This game lacks a very basic hint of soul to its soundtrack, which is really such a jarring idea especially when you realize that they paired up with a composer who arguably has mastered the idea of musical motifs (Fox).

This really isn’t just SWSH’s problem, either. I also went through a similar heartbreak in S&M during the final stretch of the main game; after battling Lusamine and saving the region from the threat of Ultra Beasts (more or less, anyway), we the player go to challenge the champion, who is revealed to be Profession Kukui since there really is no true champion for the newly-made league. It’s hard to go from an exciting, powerful battle theme like Lusamine’s to some generic, cardboard-cut-out version of a champion battle theme for Kukui. It’s hard to invoke any sort of emotional appeal when there’s no real inspiration to be felt in the music; with no emotional connection, there is no emotion. It’s, once again, just music that plays in the background of a video game. A similar experience happens in SWSH with the player’s match against Champion Leon; though we have the potential to gain an emotional connection to a Leon Theme motif, we don’t get that. Instead, we just get music that is programmed to be exciting for our championship match that will undoubtedly change our lives forever. Bland, boring, anti-climatic - all for the sake of coloring in the lines. This has been an on-going problem in Pokemon games for years in which the Championship Battle Theme is less interesting than the Evil Team Battle Theme, which probably isn’t a good idea. It’s annoying when your villain has a better theme than the literal strongest trainer in the region - it ruins the chances of likability for the region’s “good guys” and overall is anti-climatic when it is finally time to become champion.

Overall, the ability to immerse someone like me in a game is very important when it comes to retaining players. While SWSH isn’t the worst Pokemon game when it comes to immersion (considering the fact that I actually beat the main game, which I can’t say for other main Pokemon titles…), Game Freak certainly could stand to learn from the game’s shortcomings.

Creature and Character Design...

The monster design is arguably one of the most controversial topics when it comes to any Pokemon game. Some people only care about the designs of Gen 1, others accept everything but Gen 5, and a select few could rant for hours on the stupidity of literally every Pokemon design in the franchise. Regardless, the design of the Pokemon native to the Galar region is an important topic of discussion when analysing the potential for enjoyment of the game. After all, I’m an artist who loves drawing all my favorite characters as well as my favorite Pokemon, so understanding the designs of these beloved figures is vital to understanding the game in general. For sanity’s sake, I’ll only be discussing new Pokemon introduced in this region, and will be ignoring all previous pokemon that aren’t regional variants.

Overall, the designs of the latest Pokemon are satisfactory. Because of my tendency to always suspend belief in fantasy works, I’ve very rarely had much to hate about Pokemon designs (not even in Gen 5, though I don’t particularly like any of them aside from the game cover legendaries). SWSH didn’t really bring much to the table when it comes to brand-new Pokemon, but the ones introduced are fitting and interesting: the Dragapult line, all three starters (even if I did laugh for literal hours at the discovery of Cinderace’s typing), Wooloo and Dubwool, Yamper and Boltund - just to name my top favorites. And I was totally invested in the designs of the game cover legendaries, Zamazenta and Zacian, since they held cultural relations with the region’s inspiration and therefore had actual meaning within the game besides just being cool mythical creatures. Nothing really outright bothered me with the designs or pokemon choices in this game; as I mentioned earlier, I was okay with the idea of no National Dex for this region, and that all the pokemon allowed in this game matched with the region well-enough.

But, of course, it’s not without faults. I found there to be a substantial lack of original legendaries in this game - we only have three real legendaries to catch in the main-game, four if you consider the DLC. We had a similar problem in Pokemon: Sun and Moon, but it was later amended with the introduction of Ultra Beasts (which can technically be regarded as legendary Pokemon, albeit from another dimension and not technically Pokemon). In SWSH, we are only given the option of catching more than two legendaries if we buy the DLC - this is remarkably disappointing for those who are interested in seeing new, unique Pokemon designs. I know many fans are constantly frustrated with Game Freak’s tendency to overuse Gen 1 Pokemon, but the fact that nobody is bothered by the running trend of being able to easily catch a bunch of previous games’ legendaries is beyond me. It’s essentially the same thing, overly relying on the fanbase’s sentimental nostalgia rather than moving forward to create new creature designs. I know for a fact that so many people would have been excited to catch Pokemon with cultural significance (maybe like elf Pokemon that resemble that of Seelie/Unseelie fairies, or more Pokemon that resemble chess pieces, or maybe more Pokemon that follow a theme of medieval artifacts - there are many possibilities), so the fact that they skimped out in favor of making people pay for nostalgia is ridiculous to me. This was a majority of the reason why I rejected buy any of the DLC content - why would I pay for Pokemon I’ve technically caught before? I mean, I guess it can be more for the kids who have never encountered the older legendaries, but then again, wouldn’t it be more beneficial for your game to have Pokemon that actually represent the new region? Instead of just stealing other games’ legendaries for the sake of saying that you have them, they could have just worked a little harder to design maybe three or six more cool legendary designs and centered those guys around the two DLC locations instead of just having Calyrex for The Crown Tundra. At the end of the day, it’s really just a cash-grab; the only reason I could ever see myself understandably buying the DLC for SWSH would be because I wanted to interact more with my favorite NPCs, but then again, I can just look at screenshots on Twitter and feel just as satisfied.

But not all is lost in terms of designs. Now let’s get into my favorite design portion of this segment and discuss the NPCs.

First, we’ll dig into the rivals. Personally, I really enjoyed the rivals of this game; while Pokemon is definitely running on a formula, I still was able to find enough about the three rival characters to genuinely enjoy their presence whenever they came on screen. I suppose we can expect to keep seeing this new Pokemon Trainer Rival Formula: Kind of Annoying but Too Sweet to Hate BFF Rival (Hop), 2 Edgy 5 U Rival (Bede), and Some Pedo’s Waifu Material Rival (Marnie).

Hop is arguably one of my favorite Pokemon rivals of all time (right up there with Gladion from S&M). He’s one of the only Pokemon characters to get a realistic character development over the course of the game’s playable story, which really humanizes him and makes up for his occasionally annoying personality. Over the course of the game, Hop goes from silently residing in his brother’s shadow to learning to stand on his own without needed any outside validation; much to my surprise, it’s not some half-hearted transition. Hop doubts himself during the challenge, as evidenced not just by his dialogue but in the way he actively changes his team to try and be more competitive like everybody else. I remember feeling so heartbroken in realization that Hop stopped using his beloved Wooloo, which is rightfully paired up with the excitable boy. The idea that Hop uses Wooloo, a normal-type cute Pokemon that generally wouldn’t be used in a competitive team, really adds more dimension to his character; when he learns to enjoy himself instead of letting his doubts overtake him, he returns to using Dubwool and his favorite team, demonstrating how he would prefer to have fun as himself than be someone he isn’t. I found that to be a really wholesome theme to his character, one that we haven’t really seen in a Pokemon game yet - it was a pleasant surprise! Hop is sweet and kind, always wanting to motivate the player even when he’s in his own internal turmoil. With all that added with his adorable babyface and goofy/awkward preteen disposition, he really makes for a likeable rival character.

The next rival to be introduced is none other than our classic Mean Boy rival, Bede. He’s a character the fanbase is a bit more accustomed to due to previous titles’ rivals (i.e. Green/Blue/Gary Oak from in R&G/B, Silver from SGC, technically also Gladion from S&M…), so are quite a few expectations placed on his character as a result. Also true to the typical Pokemon Jerk Rival, he has a complicated homelife (he comes from an orphanage, as we later learn) and has a similarly complicated parent-child relationship to the leading antagonist of the game (in this case, Chairman Rose). Bede constantly assumes himself to be better than he is and isn’t afraid to be a total prick about it, choosing to bully Hop upon winning battles against him to boost his own inflated ego (though there’s hints pointing to Bede actually having rather low self-esteem). All things considered, I liked Bede as a character about as much as one can like a mean rival archetype, but I was more than pleased to discover his transition to a more likably mean-spirited character when he later returns to the game to challenge the player after being disqualified from the challenge. While we’ve had a likeable mean rival before (namely Gladion), Bede is something of his own entity with how he actually has an attempt at character development that leads him to a mini-redemption near the end of the game. He’s really the first mean rival to have a transition from total jerk to slightly-peeved tsundere, which was probably a good idea on Game Freak’s part so that we wouldn’t be left with a character we downright hated after the way Bede quite literally destroys Hop’s confidence. It’s nowhere near as impressive as Hop’s character development (which isn’t super impressive to begin with, but let’s ignore that fact for a bit), but it’s still interesting to see in a monster-catching game about being the best you can be.

And then, of course, we get to the cute-girl rival, Marnie, also known as the place where I get a bit mad again. I’d like to say that I absolutely love Marnie; she has an adorable design and interesting personality that captures my attention whenever she has screen time. But she serves one purpose in this game, and one purpose alone - being the main cute girl rival of the game. Marnie has the potential to be a similarly interesting rival (cute design that meshes “punk” with “cute”, has a wholesome and fun dynamic with her gym leader older brother, uses a Pokemon that isn’t considered to be a “competitive” choice as her ace, has a cool/cute personality…), and yet we probably only talk to her about five times over the course of the main game. Little is done with her character - in fact, the only real thing she does in the game other than becoming the next dark-type gym leader is that she helps the player sneak into Spikemuth after the gates have been shut by the remarkably-harmless Team Yell. I don’t think I’m alone in saying that I would have loved to have seen more done with her character. With the boy rivals being more fleshed out than her, it leaves a sour taste in my mouth because the female rival is the one left with a blank personality (and I’m not just saying that because she hardly smiles - that’s really one of the only things we get about her that gives her an actual personality). My frustrations are further exacerbated because this has always been an issue in Pokemon games, in which the girl rivals are so barebones for seemingly the only purpose of serving as some neckbeard’s waifu that they can input a personality they desire despite the fact that she’s canonically a minor. Why put in the time to give dimension to Hop and Bede, but not Marnie? And we know for a fact that Game Freak has to recognize the lack of personality given to Marnie, especially since they had previously come out with Lillie’s wonderfully sweet character arch in S&M and USUM. Personally, I feel that it was because they didn’t feel like having a more punkish girl character who also had traditionally feminine-coded interests (she’s known to have been distracted during the gym challenge by the boutiques) and ultimately decided to just not give her any further personality other than that, perhaps fearing that it would dissuade the gross creeper fanbase from latching onto her. But that’s really just speculation, so don’t take any of my nonsense too seriously. Really, I’d just rather we had a girl rival with more personality to match the other two rivals so it wasn’t so annoyingly unbalanced.

Moving on from the rivals, we get into the designs of the League Staff of the game. In most other Pokemon games, I’d never really been too interested in the gym leaders; they had always been more of minor bosses, just faces that you saw for a couple of seconds before pummeling their ‘mons and moving to the next city. But in this game in particular, there was a sudden transition from simple puzzle master to a full-on celebrity figure. I really enjoyed this! It was so nice to actually have some information on the gym leaders other than what type they sported; suddenly, they have personalities and interests - they become real to the player. Not to mention that there really is a gym leader for everyone to enjoy, thanks to their unique personalities and styles.

I’ll be a bit honest and say that some of their clothing designs are remarkably stupid for even an anime-based RPG game (I mean, I know we joke about Leon’s terrible sense of fashion in the fanbase, but can we just pause and ponder what Piers’ wears? I mean, a leather jacket with spandex? Metal boots and a work-out tank??? What is he wearing?!), but it isn’t exactly distracting. In Western cultures in particular, we can see a trend towards the glamourization of the “athleisure” style, or athletic wear designed more for everyday use rather than just working out. It was kind of fitting to see this be the primary style for the gym leaders, who can basically be described as hierarchical sports stars. Weird? Sure. But in the context of the world, it all fits together, and once again adds to the immersion aspect of the game.

Looking at our main antagonists, they are designed quite well. Chairman Rose is designed to be quite easy and fun to hate (at least for me) - he’s an important-looking businessman who’s very impressed with himself, paired up with a beautiful yet terrifying subordinate woman who does most all the hardwork for him (...actually, they kind of remind me of an antagonistic Cl. Mustang and Lt. Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist…). They also had noteworthy battle themes that popped a bit more than other battle themes in the game.

While they hardly count as antagonists, I’d like to also make a brief mention of Team Yell. They’re more annoying than anything, which is a trend that I’m not too sure how I feel about yet. It was definitely more likable coming from Team Skull, that’s for sure. I would have liked Team Yell doing a bit more damage, having them be a bit more unruly and controversial before evening them out with the whole emotional appeal of them cheering on for Marnie in hopes of saving their ruined town. But they weren’t too terrible in my opinion.

I could talk for hours on the champion of the region, too, Champion Leon. He’s a really fun and charming character overall, less of the supremely wise and powerful champion that we’ve seen in older gens and instead being a more quirky but worthwhile opponent on the path towards the crown. But I definitely preferred him more as a character than as a champion; even though his team changes depending on your starter, it’s not too challenging of a fight if you know what you’re doing, especially when you immediately know what his ace pokemon is (something we don’t really learn in other gens about the champions). While I’m sure the idea of a powerful but transparent champion can be done, Leon doesn’t really stand up as a powerful trainer when compared to other champions in the franchise. But he’s definitely still a fun, interesting character concept that I am grateful for in this particular game.

When it comes to the designs of the primary NPCs and Pokemon, SWSH continues to talk that line just above mediocrity. Not too bad, not all that great, but definitely not something to be forgotten. I’d reason that the primary strength of this generation lies within the characters that are introduced.

Uniqueness vs. Status as a Pokemon Game...

In regards to the uniqueness - how well this game stands on its own as an individual concept rather than just another Pokemon game - I’m a bit divided. On one hand, I’m a bit saddened by the watering down of content and constant reliance on concepts from older games. But I can also see that SWSH introduced a lot of interesting ideas that have inspired so many fans for this generation. And while yes, this gen didn’t have much to offer in terms of new Pokemon, new scenarios, or new lore, I do think that it does hold its own when compared to the other games in the main series. New characters are introduced to the player, all of which having good (and bad) traits that allow for lots of fan-created content with their essence; a new look into a brand-new battle enhancer that requires a different strategy than those of previous battle enhancers; a new culture found within the Galar region that can inspire many more thoughts and theories on the Pokemon world as a whole in a number of ways. We cannot pretend that SWSH isn’t an influential game just because it wasn’t ground-breaking; even with my extreme distaste for the Black and White games, I still admit that they led to important decisions and ideas that led to the creation of games I did enjoy. So, as its own entity, I think that Pokemon: Sword and Shield really has a lot of offer and would probably be an amazing game for a younger player who’s just getting into the Pokemon universe.

But I think that a lot of us long-time fans can agree that this game doesn’t quite match up with the others in terms of giving those real “Pokemon game” feelings. The problem with big-titles like this is that the company tends to lose sight of what really makes a franchise so influential isn’t the stuff found at face-value. It’s not the creatures or NPCs or game mechanics or design or any of that garbage - it’s the feelings we get when all of those things reach that perfect harmony. It’s the rumble in my chest whenever I listen to that famous intro-sequence of my old Pokemon: Ruby game; it’s the fire in my eyes when I went back to challenge Pokemon Trainer Red for the tenth time that night back in my old Pokemon: Heart Gold game; it’s the tears I cried when I watched the only interesting character, N, leave my playable character after his emotional spiel following the defeat of Ghetsis in my long-since abandoned copy of Pokemon: White. At the end of the day, Pokemon is more of an emotion I get rather than a game I play, and I think this is an idea that few people can recognize for themselves. And while I’m aware that I literally just spent several thousand words bagging and praising this game for all those face-value aspects, I also know that when you add that extra little bit of care to your work, go a little further with a character you know someone will adore, or try something new with that new battle theme, there comes a sensation that goes beyond that of love for a silly fantasy game. I’d like to think it’s something akin to inspiration.

Conclusion...

In conclusion, Pokemon: Sword and Shield is far from perfect. With a number of faults and disappointments, I can understand why a lot of fans were less than interested in giving this game the time of day. But I also want to say that this game deserves to be understood and appreciate for what it is, for what it’s done. Who knows what sort of new ideas this game has inspired? Whether it be in the name Pokemon game or someone else’s passion project, I am confident in the potential that this game has to bring someone’s dreams to fruition. It already has inspired so much amazing fan-content from the community; after so many years of being away from the fandom, SWSH was the game that drove me right back, giving me the drive to once again indulge in my middle-school days of sketching out my latest comfort character or writing out a million headcanons in a way-too plot-heavy story. Many fan-creators in this community feel the same as me, I’m sure, so it would be untrue of me to say that this game was anything less than what it was: a fun, simple game that prides itself in its characters and potential rather than complex combat mechanics or some corkboard-plot nightmare. It’s a game meant to be enjoyed, so we must remember to find our enjoyment wherever it can be found. For me, Pokemon can’t really do much wrong, but also is held up to a level of expectations that I can’t quite understand even for myself. This, at the end of the day, is a video game from my all-time favorite franchise; so long as I can find enjoyment there in it, then it’s worth it. In a world filled with nihilism and cynicism, it’s nice to visit a land where you’re wise to try and be the very best like no-one ever was, to be the next best Pokemon Master.

[authorkimberlygrey]

Shitty Things Nobody Tells You About (Self) Publishing And How To Deal With Them

This isn’t in my usual style because I got tired of trying to do the paragraphs thing. 

fuck that I think in bullet points and curse words, y’all can deal with it. 

There’s a readmore a bit further down because this it got long don’t worry. 

It's Expensive

When you self-publish, you are becoming your own publishing company. 

you have to pay for everything

Editing

Cover

Marketing shit

fifteen billion other things. 

There are places that you can get services for cheap but you gotta be careful about that cause you might just get what you pay for. tbh I dont’ have much advice on this, its just a thing you’re gonna have to figure out, sorry. 

Everyone wants a piece of the pie

The shittier members of your friends, family, and community will probably try to horn in on your hard work

“Am I in the dedications?” 

“Am I in the book?” 

“Can I have a free copy?” 

etc. etc. 

fuck these people, you don’t need that shit. 

you just wrote a whole ass book, go you! 

they don’t get to take away from that. 

Shitty businesses definitely will try to horn in on your hard work

you will get messages

and emails 

and offers 

and followers 

Fuck those guys

fuck them so hard. 

It may be tempting because they’ll sound nice and shit

but listen to me: 

The reason they’re trying to get you to come to them is that nobody else is and they want to prey on your assumed inexperience. 

because the reason nobody is coming for them is that they are shitty. They are so shitty. 

I have gotten three messages from a company called Doran 

They are very professional, pretty messages

I have my very own publishing consultant. 

Doran has a total of 1.8 stars on google ratings. 

Block these fuckers immediately 

Do not pass go, do not give them the 200 dollars that they are asking for. 

Fuck them. 

Again, you wrote a whole ass book

they haven’t done shit. 

They don’t get to horn in on your hard work. 

tell them to fuck off

I’m putting the rest of this stuff under the cut because it got too long and I don't want to obliterate y’all’s dashes.

Post-Publication Depression

 Not everyone deals with it

Some lucky assholes get to feel accomplished and happy 

But you’re not gonna know until you get there 

keep an eye on that shit 

I’m not fucking joking here y’all 

this is shitty. 

Nobody talks about it because Ya Gotta Keep Up The Happy Author Image 

But fuck that, I’m not letting yall trip facefirst into this shit unprepared. 

You might feel like nobody cares about you, about your book, about anything. 

You may feel like you’ll never write anything again 

You may feel like what you have written is a shitty, shitty pile of steaming garbage and you are doomed to die cold and alone in the night

You may miss the world and the characters and feel like they’ve died and taken a part of you with them

You may feel a billion different shitty things and it sucks so bad my friends

You just did like several solid months of stressful shit at the very least. 

You are a rubber band and you have just been stretched to the limit and unleashed against the unforgiving back of the head of reality by some dumb fuck kid who’s supposed to be paying attention in class. 

But look at me: It's not gonna be here forever

There are always people who care for real

You will write again and it will be awesome

What you wrote is awesome, no matter how many imperfections you may see in it right now. 

The world and characters are with you always. There is literally nothing stopping you from continuing to write shit with them. or even just daydreaming shit. They are yours and the world cannot take them from you. 

You will get through this, it may take a week, or a month, or longer and it may be shitty that whole time 

but it will end. And you’ll make it through. 

My advice?: 

Get a support system

Tell them that this is a thing

Have them check in on you 

Don’t try to do this alone because you don’t have to. 

It's Difficult to Find Information

Remember that part where I talked about how everyone wants to horn in on your hard work? 

yeah. 

It is entirely possible that I’m just shit at researching but all of the videos, articles, and free PDFs that I found fell into one or both of these categories: 

Either they’re from a publishing company that wants to discourage you from self-publishing so that they can publish your book for you. 

fuck you, pocket guide to publishing

Or for some godforsaken reason, its full of utterly useless fluff to give it length or to cover up the fact that the creator doesn’t actually know what the fuck they’re talking about

The thing you need

if its there

will be one sentence long and buried somewhere in all the fluff somewhere in the middle-end of the thing

somewhere

fuck if you’ll ever find it though. 

What I recommend is that you find a publishing mentor

Someone who’s been through this shit and can give you the short answer instead of letting you sit in front of your computer crying because you just need to know what button to push what the fuck

Again, maybe I’m just really shitty at research, but still 

publishing mentor

good shit

crying over ingramspark’s shitty, shitty website design:

bad shit

shoutout to @brynwrites for answering my neverending stream of questions when I finally gave up trying to find the information on the internet or on ingramspark

do not look for things on ingramspark 

just dont’

there is no logic or organization to that hellhole. 

the blog posts may have promising titles 

but the information you want is probably buried in the middle of a tangentially related article 

the rest of the internet isn’t much better tbh. 

Its Easy To Get Lost In The Crowd

There is a metric fuckton of books out there

and another two fucktons of WIPs 

because none of us writeblrs seem to have an attention span longer than two chapters before we get distracted by a shiny new idea

you know I’m right

People on tumblr are shitty in general at reblogging shit despite that being the point of the website

you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink 

People on writeblr are really busy with their heads stuffed up their own WIPs and they tend not to notice other shit

we’re all guilty of it, its fine

but it can be depressing

its not personal tho

What ya gotta do is make friends

yes, I am literally telling you to believe in the Power of Friendship.

You gotta make yourself an apocalypse survival group my pals

You and yours on the wild seas of greater indifference

it’ll be great 

All that matters is the people that matter 

Fuck everyone else or you’re gonna be crying yourself to sleep for the rest of your life

nobody wants that. 

Post-Publication Depression

y’all

seriously

I’ve cried myself to sleep more nights in the last two weeks than I have ever since I was hella depressed in high school

-100/10 would recommend

but I forgot to opt out of this subscription

this shitty, shitty subscription. 

God I’m so tired. 

Btw I’m going on hiatus for like a week after this last giveaway ends

Its been twelve days since Ascendant was published but it feels like a god damn month

fuck this shit I’m out

see y’all later

P.S please reblog the last giveaway or someth if you want a book. 

[incarnateirony]

So anyway, life updates on what I’ve talked about good, bad, and vagueblog.

But I introduce you to Betty White, or the Millennium Falcon, name pending.

Most of yall know that I’m on disability, dealing with some massively janky medical issues that Alabama’s bottom-ranked health care system doesn’t even know how to cover, and my wifey blew a disc in her neck at work, essentially debilitating her, too, but also earning a small settlement. In scale of it, 25K -- 21 after lawyer fees -- isn’t really much to do anything with.

So we had already known we had to fix up and sell the house and thought, hey, the land value went up substantially out here, we can pocket and flip it and be hella good.

Until her father finally came out here and in long story short, found out that the inspector that ran through this house when my wife first bought it (during our breakup period YEARS ago) didn’t do his job and it’d be 20-30K worth of repairs to even sell this place at the value her loan is for, meaning we pretty much have to short sell it to get out from under it. I mean bad shit. Fire hazard wiring and rotting roof and siding element under shiny things that hid it that have clearly been deteriorating since long before the house got a lipstick job.

So we went and found an RV, because it’s time to go. We have to GO. We have to get out of this state. There’s nothing for us here. There’s no medical care, there’s no worker protections, being LGBT women we’re extra up a creek in the area, it’s just bad. So RV it was! But finding one in the now suddenly cramped budget with the house turning up bunk entirely was FUN.

But like a stroke of providence I happened to find a listing the day it was upgraded on what has been jokingly referred to by my friends as the Millennium Falcon of RVs. 

It came from an older couple, almost 60, that had been RVing for a few years, and the thing was already used when they bought it. It’s a friggin 1994. It’s old, it’s Chonk. But it was a project RV they decided to start on and while it has a solid AF 454 engine in it,

 they’ve over a few years put in just about New Everything. New transmission, new air brakes, new air bags, new radiator, new septic lines, new alternator, new battery, new steering and suspension, new new new new new. Modified backup camera that tracks engine temp/tire pressure/etc like modern dashes and stays on constantly instead of just when backing up. It has its little hijinks with the in-n-out stairs being funky and the generator is a funny little bit because they didn’t want to spend 8K+ on a generator for an old RV so they got one that’s an external mount, which I imagine is why it was having a hard time selling.

Atop that inside the wife went bananas and got rid of the shitty old wallpaper and painted it bright colors different on every wall, removed the space consuming fold out couch since they didn’t need an extra bed and installed an armoire-storage-couch-thing that takes up half the outter floor space, stuff like that.

This was their baby and they intended to keep this baby and did great work on this baby, and the second I saw it in the advert, I knew it, because the images weren’t all spit cleaned sales stuff, it was vacation images with their shit still hanging inside it and their party lawn with their sports teams and stuff and the shiny lights they added on it to make it a party bus like

So anyway it turned out they basically got conned into getting a newer shinier one and just wanted to get the fuck OUT of Alabama but because of the generator and age it wasn’t selling at market value which was about 15K even as old as it is, and had price gouged it down to *8500*

Thought it was too good to be true, got our old construction and mechanic friend go out out there and go over it with a fine toothed comb and this thing, as he put it “goddamn if I had the money, I’d buy it myself, what the hell, you ain’t gonna get anything better for that price, hell, you ain’t gonna get anything as good for the price” THEY JUST WANTED TO GET OUT OF ALABAMA. And I mean, MOOD, BIG MOOD.

In fact the money they were asking for was basically to pay off loans and costs on all the New Stuff they put into it to begin with.

Because of them basically gouging their asking price in half an old lady had come to see it same day and at first the husband was like WHOEVER GETS US THE MONEY FIRST but talking to us the wife was like HELL NO THAT OLD LADY COULD BARELY GET IN THE THING SHES JUST GONNA DRIVE IT DOWN TO FLORIDA AND LET IT ROT THIS IS OUR BABY THESE GIRLS NEED TO TAKE CARE OF IT AND THEY WILL and she ran interference through the weekend until our mechanic friend could go check it out.

You might ask “if you have a buttload of money why an RV” but in trying to get out of Alabama and all the way back to Oregon where I literally KNOW I can make it work out in life for us, for reasons that are a whole story unto themselves, the moving costs cross country alone for a uhaul would be expensive AF. Downpayments. Finding pet friendly apartments. And then whether it was portland or somewhere else we could get STUCK. And we’re tired of getting stuck. So we’re packing up our own FUCKING house that we FUCKING own outright that fucking NOBODY can take away from us and with NO payment obligations and FUCK THE SYSTEM.

So anyway this big fuckin honker the wife was like WHY ARE YOU SO COMFORTABLE DRIVING THIS to Shea, but Shea worked for both Uhaul and Hertz so like hauling bigassed trucks around was kinda her thing and she also worked horses so giant ass horse trailers, you name it. So she just got up in there like she belonged and next thing you know we’re doing 65 down the bendy ass mountain freeways of central alabama like we been doing it for years

PS when you are in a literal fucking house 65 feels like 90, I’m just letting you know that now.

We’re still at our house cuz we gotta get this properly under our own tag/insurance and get a tow for the car. It was funny though cuz experienced or not knowing it was OUR LITERAL HOUSE Shea started like GOTTA BE CAREFUL GOTTA BE CAUTIOUS GOTTA MAKE SURE NOBODY DUMB and it turned into GET OUT THE WAY FUCKERS I’LL WIN within the 120 mile haul back home. Like BITCH I’LL TAKE MY FOOT OFF THE GAS BUT I AINT GONNA TRY TO JACK RABBIT STOP THIS FUCKER SO YOU BETTER GET SOME GIDDYUP IF YOU GONNA MERGE YOU FRIGGIN HONDA

This beast only has 65K miles on it. And that sounds like a lot but for an RV that isnt S H I T. People are like, if you can find a used one under 100K you’re doing okay. Half of those miles are just taking it out for a jog because you’re supposed to drive it once every couple weeks to keep it from rusting out basically. They just safely drove it in like a tristateish area down here for a few years as you can see on the cabinet stickers and moved around to sports games and shit and had fun.

The bedroom is purple. The kitchen is blue and yellow. KJSDKJFSjk she was like “Fuck the 1990 floral wallpaper we updating, there’s extra paint in one of the storage bins if you wanna touch any of it up”

So that’s it. We’re gonna do some work with said mechanic friend on the AC and a few tweaky details and as said, gotta tag/insurance/tow but once we get that worked out, that’s it, that’s home starting in a few weeks. 

We’re heading to Independence, Missouri first to touch base with my internet momma then swinging in Salt Lake City to meet old media friends like the folks at Arrowstorm and stopping to enjoy their stuff at Evermore Park before hitting Portland which, reasonably, I’ll guestimate we’ll be at like a week or two before Halloween but maybe we’ll make better time. If you’re en route to those destinations and wanna meet up, lemme know, we’re still gonna have fun on the way and try to record shit. 

Portland is the city I know how to work to and from the bone. I can turn any quarter into at least a dollar there, quite literally; I know how to eat eight times a day for free if need be. I reasonably think we can stay WELLLLLLLL above the line of needing that kind of assistance but because Shea is very anxiety driven to know we outright have a promised home and have promised food if worst case scenarios happen really made her go, you know what, fuck it, sure, Portland, you loved Portland, the wages are good in Portland, let’s do Portland.

If we start with dry camping at locations with free plug ups even still paying for Shea’s car and insurance, once major gas costs GETTING there are done, we’ll be running about 500 a month, and again, that’s including insurance for both vehicles and paying off her car note. Depending on the lot we land at, 700-900 a month. I can float that on my casual residual income. Everything after that is profit. Everything after that is success. I refuse to let Shea be anything less than Okay, but most of all, weird and nonconformative as it is, everything after this is scales of success. Hell minus the car note we’d be under 600/mo on the pricy end. We got dis. 

No more of my wife being convinced she needs to performatively pull loans on her livelihood and shelter for the illusion of a 3/2 middle class life with a picket fence and a job she hates in a place she hates that she doesn’t know how to get away from. Hell, if she ends up hating Oregon? WE CAN PICK UP OUR HOUSE AND MOVE.

QUEER CULTURE IS HAVING THE MILLENNIUM FALCON OF RVS RAINBOW PAINTED INTERNALLY TO HAUL ASS TO PORTLAND OREGON AND AINT SHIT YOU CAN DO TO STOP US, FUCKERS.

It’s literally parked in our yard right now awaiting our voyage.

You bet your ass we’re getting an aux cord and blaring classic rock on surround sound the whole goddamn way

Also gonna get a CB radio to roll with some of the better trucker herds out there. Trust me, solid investment for a multitude of reasons. And entertaining.

If you don’t know what Smokie In The Woods is on a CB radio, you don’t know the road.

It also comes with a lot of gadgets you usually have to buy, like converters for USB chargers in older vehicles and the cable antenna and an extra tent and hell they left two bikes on it like YALL WANT EM YOU CAN HAVE EM, SURE

So buying the RV, paying the friend for the loss of a work day, the necessary gas to get out there, and the tow all in all is gonna run us about 12,000 bucks total, which isn’t a bad deal for bringing your own house with you.

We already burned a few thousand of our settlement trying to fix this house before the bad news and/or upkeeping bills but now it’s time to burn it and walk. By the time we roll I’m expecting us to have about 4K over costs in the bank, which is... enough. It’s more of a nest egg than we’d have if we stayed here that’s for sure, covers emergencies on the way there and gives us a few months to get our shit together. Even the part-iest part time job out in Portland will float any overhead on bills much less if shea can fall in with all the media and digital work out there with her graphic design and art, we’re eyeing the portland saturday market to sell her stuff at in season too. SCREW THE SYSTEM YALL

[dangelics]

Anticipation

 Hello everyone! This is my first phanfic to be posted on my shiny new tumblr, wow, isn’t it nice and monochromatic? Go me. Anyhoo, I wanted to kick this page off with tooth rotting fluff, so let’s get going, shall we?

This isn’t meant to be a song fic, but I absolutely adore the song For You by Angus and Julia Stone (link) I recommend you listen to it while you read, just because I love the song and I think it is lovely to listen to while reading this.

*Note - I like to use the Read More feature so people can easily scroll past if they are not interested. Oftentimes the Read More feature hates mobile users, so that is why I also put my fics on AO3, the link is right below this!

AO3 link here.

Summary: When Daniel James Howell was brought into this world, he was another person to be lost into the sea of humanity. Someone who broke away from the sea of humanity only to harbor the sea in his eyes showed Dan the potential for the world, what he could do, who he could become.

Genre: Tooth rotting fluff!

Sparing one last glance into the full length mirror before him, Dan breathes out a soft sigh, a smile just big enough to make his dimple visible playing on his lips. His mind is a flurry of emotions - excitement, fear, happiness, nervousness. He worries his suit doesn’t flatter him right, he worries his hair is a mess of curls that just doesn’t work today, he worries he’ll trip on his way to where he needs to be. Despite that, he finds a confidence within himself, a confidence that tells him what he is doing is right, and he can’t help but to recall all sorts of events that have led to this very moment, events that he never could have anticipated within his life.

He never could have anticipated an internet idol responding to him.

He never could have anticipated finding a best friend in an internet idol. 

He never could have anticipated falling in love. 

He never could have anticipated being loved in return. 

He never could have anticipated becoming a content creator.

He never could have anticipated himself becoming successful in this world.

???

???

Even now, years later, he can remember these events like they were all recent. 

It occurred late at night. Having graduated, school was no longer a hindrance to Dan achieving his dreams of having the world’s worst sleep schedule. He was free to stay up till five in the morning and sleep in until two in the afternoon - and those particular hours of sleep had become a common occurrence for the male. He could waste hours just listening to music, watching YouTube videos, reading, whatever he could have wanted to, really. On occasion, if he was feeling particularly brave, he would send a tweet in the direction of a YouTube content creator he watched on a regular basis - AmazingPhil.

    1.He never could have anticipated an internet idol responding to him.

When it had initially happened, Dan was ecstatic. Phil Lester had responded to him. It was a shock that not only Dan had been noticed, but that this was a reminder to him that Phil really is a human being, he is a real person that Dan could interact with. He wasn’t a character, a face on a screen.  He remembers smiling more than he had in what felt like his entire life, rereading the single tweet several times. One reply turned into a series of conversations, leading to a friendship with skype messaging and calling.

    2. He never could have anticipated finding a best friend in an internet idol.

It became an everyday thing, Dan and Phil contacting one another. They would make sure to video chat at the very least once a week, though it typically ended up being more. Even over a computer screen Dan could see the way Phil’s tongue would poke out between his teeth slightly when he laughs, the crinkles beside his eyes when he smiles, the subtle pursing of his lips when he focuses. He relished in it all, taking mental notes of all the things he daydreamed about seeing more of.

    3. He never could have anticipated falling in love.

It wasn’t until Phil proposed the idea that they meet in person that Dan realized all of his mental notes, all of his daydreams meant that he was in love, a deep, all consuming love that made him yearn to see Phil, hear his voice, exist within his presence. They spent days together, days of talking on and on about nothing and everything at the same time, and those are memories that Dan will always treasure within his mind.

    4. He never could have anticipated being loved in return.

They were on a ferris wheel when Phil told him he loved Dan. They were on top of the world, in a cart at the top of the ride, overlooking city lights at night. After that, their conversations shifted to include whispered I love you’s, compliments on the looks and personalities of one another, dreams and comforts and Dan took it all in like a sponge, absorbing this brightness into his life.

    5. He never could have anticipated becoming a content creator.

Phil breathed confidence, love, and life into Dan’s existence. He convinced Dan that he could make videos, that it is okay to not stay in school like everyone expected him to. Participating in law school tried to take away the happiness Dan was building up, and with his videos becoming more successful and Phil by his side, Dan decided to give up on what his parents wanted - they wanted Dan the lawyer, Dan wanted happiness. Phil could give that to him, along with Dan’s growing career as a content creator.

    6. He never could have anticipated himself becoming successful in this world.

He dropped out of school. He was happy, living in an apartment with his doting boyfriend and amassing a nice following of supportive people, not to mention the fact that Dan had actually made friends through his videos. As a drop out, it was expected of Dan to be a failure in life, but a hobby he and Phil shared became something amazing. Millions of people saw them, admired them, went to see them in an international tour and bought their book. 

Looking back on it, Dan breathes out a laugh at the thought of teenage Dan catching wind of all he has done in his life so far. He knows he has so much potential still, more potential to succeed, to find more happiness. It is a crazy thought - a lanky, awkward teenage boy has managed to grow up, find his soulmate, find support from literally millions of people, become someone he had dreamed about being. It truly is a happy ending, all because Phil had shown Dan that it was okay to not be what everyone expects. Dan knows his story is not over, and he knows Phil’s story isn’t either, as they are simply adding a new chapter to their lives together.

Dan steps around the corner, his small smile instantly becoming a blinding ray of light as again, something he never could have anticipated happening is taking place, here and now, down an aisle before him.

    7. ??? - He never could have anticipated thinking Phil looks more handsome than he ever has, standing beside that altar.

“Phil.” It is a small breath, a mere practiced whisper that falls from his lips at the sight of his fiance, so close yet so far away. Dan feels like a young child, resisting the itching urge to run towards Phil, hug the man, and kiss him like his life depends on it. He knows weddings have a structure, he knows he can’t just run ahead of his father who offers his arm to him - but that doesn’t keep Dan from thinking about it.

Soft music plays around him, flower petals are strewn about and lights are twinkling in a romantic setting, but Dan can’t take his eyes off of Phil, he can’t see or take in anything else. Each step he takes, every moment he gets closer to his beloved, Dan recalls memories. Memories of making snow angels, memories of shy first kisses, memories of hot cocoa being consumed after a hair straightening mishap, memories of late night existential whispers being overtaken by the positive force that is Phil Lester. The gift of the world Phil Lester that is there, so close, offering Dan his hand. Dan is often a guy who overthinks every little thing before he acts, but he doesn’t even think twice before taking Phil’s hand, walking up those few small steps to be level with him.

Dan winds up being so entranced by the masterpiece of Phil Lester that it causes quite a few laughs when he is beckoned to speak up, to repeat vows and give his own, and he hadn’t even realized he was being spoken to until a gentle squeeze of his hand and Phil’s amused voice breaks through his pleasant haze of nostalgia and excitement for the future. No matter the situation, it seems Dan is capable of behaving in an awkward fashion at all times. 

Upon being given the go ahead to recite his vows, the embarrassment of the previous few moments seem to melt away as again, Dan is overtaken by his pure love and reverence for the male before him, the man meeting his gaze with such soft and adoring eyes.

“Philip Michael Lester: The clumsiest, dorkiest, silliest, handsomest, hungriest, kindest man to ever walk planet Earth. Not only that, but he is also the smartest, most original, most talented man. I thought I was going to be forced to a life where I would not be happy, because it is expected of everyone to go to college, succeed, find a job and survive. Phil, though, went to college and found a life and found success in something that really has nothing to do with his college degree, but that only means he is more educated than most in our chosen career field. He is creative, supportive, imaginative. He was able to take a hold on life and break free from the mold, and with his fist he used to punch through that normalcy, he held my hand and guided me along with him. Without Philip Michael Lester, I would not be a genuinely, sincerely, deeply happy guy that is excited to face all the rest of tomorrows, no matter how self deprecating and pessimistic I may seem. Instead, I would be a guy that was probably somewhat happy, but nowhere near the level I am when I am in the presence of sunshine personified. Because of Philip Michael Lester, I am the luckiest, happiest, and most blessed man to ever walk planet Earth. Not only that, but I am also the most excited, because within the next ten minutes I am going to become Daniel James Lester, and I cannot thank whoever or whatever had to do with bringing us together enough. Shoutout to Twitter, Skype, parents, cereal box trinkets.”

Typically, the sight of tears in Phil’s eyes sets alarms in Dan’s head. Who did this? Who must Dan punch in the throat? But knowing that Phil is on the verge of tears because of Dan, because Phil is just as overwhelmed with emotion and love as Dan is - it only serves to make Dan nearly cry as well. The tears finally tumble down his cheeks as Phil speaks his own vows, thumbs rubbing Dan’s knuckles as an anchor for the crying brunette. Phil is always there to be an anchor for Dan, to comfort him at all times, even when Dan is ugly crying at his own wedding. Not an attractive sight, but he knows plenty of people are taking photos of this event, and he knows he will look back on it as an amazing memory.

The sparkling of the ring on his finger serves as a secondary anchor, and the third final tie to this world is given to Dan when one of Phil’s hands gently pull him closer by the waist to press the most satisfying, meaningful, emotion saturated kiss to Dan’s lips, and all Dan can think about is one thing.

    8. ??? - He never could have anticipated that he would marry Phil Lester.

[phanfictrashnumber1]

<3

Based on the story Dan and Phil told in their 11/24/16 liveshow about Dan losing his voice before the BONCAS last year.

Words: 1.3k

“Tonight was fun.” Dan said with a small smile as he climbed into the hotel bed next to Phil. 

“Yeah.” Phil said back, already sleepy.

“It was so cool hearing everyone in the audience singing along to The Internet Is Here.” Dan said with a smile.

Phil nodded as he looked at Dan. “Are you feeling all right? You sound hoarse.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I think I just kind of strained my voice, between TATINOF and then having to shout during DAPGOOSE last week. I’ll be fine by morning.” Dan told him.

“Tomorrow’s going to be another crazy day.” Phil said, the two having to catch an early flight back to London and perform on an award show later that night.

Dan sighed. “I know. We should get some rest.” he said before giving his boyfriend a quick peck on the cheek. “Goodnight.” he whispered and the two drifted off to sleep.

7AM arrived a lot faster than the two hoped and Phil groaned at his alarm. He turned it off before rolling over and wrapping an arm around his boyfriend. “Morning,” he murmured against Dan’s shoulder, but he got no response. “I know it’s early, but please don’t be grumpy.” he then said before sitting up and grabbing his glasses from the bedside table.

Phil could hear a faint sound from Dan, followed by Dan clearing his throat and rolling over to face Phil.

“Oh no, you are sick, aren’t you?” Phil said with a cringe.

Dan shook his head before attempting to speak again, choking out little incomprehensible noises. He looked up at Phil with wide, worried eyes. He began mouthing words to Phil and pointing to his throat. 

“Huh?” Phil let out, still a bit sleepy.

Dan huffed quietly before sitting up and snatching his phone from the bedside table.

Seconds later, Phil’s phone dinged and a new text appeared.

ive lost my voice 

“What do you mean you’ve lost your voice?” Phil asked.

i literally cant produce noise

“Dan, we’re supposed to be performing the song on the award show tonight. Do we have to cancel?” Phil asked.

It was then Phil’s phone was flooded with one frantic text after the other.

i dont think its gonna happen

i dont think we can do this

i literally cant even speak nevermind sing

wtf are we gonna do???

“Okay, just calm down, Dan.” Phil began. “It’s really early and your voice isn’t used to speaking this early in the morning. Stressing won’t help anything.”

Dan took a deep breath and let it out slow. The last thing he wanted to do was cancel their performance. Actually, scratch that. The last thing he wanted to do was go to this award show with hundreds of people and unwanted socialization, with having to perform a song and dance number on top of it all. But he and Phil had already committed and he didn’t want to let anyone down. Except, if his voice didn’t come back by the time they got to the venue in London, he’d have no choice but to cancel and they’d be dead.

“Dan.” he heard and was snapped out of his spiraling thoughts. “Didn’t I just tell you stressing won’t help anything?” Phil said and Dan lowered his head.

Phil’s face softened and he grabbed Dan in a hug. “Everything’s going to be fine, I promise.” he said before releasing the hug and looking at his boyfriend. “Let’s just get to the airport and grab some breakfast, yeah? We can just chill out before our flight.” he said and Dan nodded.

The two checked out and made it to the airport; and more importantly, made it to Starbucks. 

“What are you getting?” Phil asked, but got no response. “Oh yeah.” he remembered.

Suddenly, Phil’s phone dinged. 

can you order me a bagel and tea

“What’s the magic word?” Phil asked teasingly, hoping to get a laugh out of his boyfriend.

Instead, he got a death stare that was eventually followed by a laugh. 

“Go find us a table and I’ll order.” Phil said, shooing Dan away.

The two ate their breakfast and Dan hoped the tea would help sooth his throat and bring back his voice. 

It didn’t. The two had made it back to London and Dan still had no voice. There was no time to even go home to their flat, they needed to go straight to the venue to rehearse a song Dan was unable to sing. 

When they arrived, Phil had the unfortunate task of telling the people who were running the show that they might have to cancel their performance while Dan stood silently beside him. The only way Dan could describe their reactions were as if the the building and every single thing inside were currently on fire. 

They were told they had nothing else planned to end the show and if they didn’t perform, the entire thing was ruined. This caused Dan to walk away abruptly.

Phil was only a step behind his boyfriend, who had his back turned to him. “Dan?”  

Phil’s phone dinged. 

i was already scared about coming to this thing

And dinged.

because socializing

And dinged three more times.

and the stupid awards

and performing

and now im gonna ruin the whole thing because i cant talk

“You’re not ruining anything.” Phil began. “This isn’t your fault. Don’t listen to them, they’re just concerned with their show.” he said and gently grabbed Dan’s arm to turn him around to face him. “Everything’s going to be fine, I promise.” he said and Dan gave him a look that said you-said-that-already-you-spork-but-things-have-just-gotten-worse. “We’re going to do everything we can to help you get your voice back, okay? Let’s go buy some honey, lemons, lozenges, anything you need. Get some steam, that helped you loads on tour.”

Dan looked at Phil before looking down at his phone.

Phil’s phone dinged once again.

thank you <3

Dan spent the entire afternoon eating soothing things and inhaling steam, with Phil right by his side, trying to make him laugh and giving him reassuring shoulder squeezes every once in a while.

By some miracle, Dan’s voice had kind of come back just in time. The two decided they were just going to muddle through the award show and their performance. Dan knew he sounded like shit during the song, but it was better than the alternative.

Later that night, the two finally made it back to their flat. They tossed their shiny jackets on the floor and collapsed into bed.

It wasn’t until the next day that it all hit Dan. He was sat in his browsing position, minus his laptop. Instead, he was staring off into space, a slightly shaking hand gripping his mug of tea.

“Are you okay?” Phil asked when he noticed his boyfriend’s current state. 

“I’m just... processing... the fact that we... survived... yesterday...” Dan managed to get out.

Phil plopped down on the couch. He took the mug from Dan and placed it on the coffee table before wrapping an arm around his boyfriend. Dan let his head fall against Phil’s shoulder and the two just sat there in silence. 

“Yesterday was traumatizing.” Dan mumbled.

“But we survived, like you said.” Phil told him.

“Thank you again.” Dan then said.

“For what?” Phil asked with a shrug.

“You know what.” Dan said. “Just... everything.”

A moment later, Dan’s phone dinged. He grabbed it and saw he’d gotten a text.

youre welcome <3

[strawberry-and-neon]

...All of them. Por favor.

*cracks knuckles*

1. The real reason I’m confused is a question that no one thinks about; why does Charlie the tuna advertise for a tuna commercial. Why is he selling us tuna. Why is no one bothered by this.

2. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten good morning texts; but on everyone else’s behalf, this is probably a wise thing.

3. I would only care if they smoked pot instead of doing anything else, like why am I paying for your vices, I’ve got my own to worry over, why am I involved

4. Not particularly, especially if the other is a stranger. Or if the other starts questioning me about god at four in the morning and there’s no one else around

5. Organizing a shit-ton of prompts

6. Nobody; I would not be drunk or lost walking down a road. I don’t drink. I don’t get lost. That is not me. Run.

7. Heaven help the hapless soul who cheats on me, for I have no mercy. And heaven’s the only thing that’s gonna save them.

8. Not particularly, but I’ve been told we have similar personalities

9. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha, no

10. Abient-wise: the thunderstorm that’s going to roll through. Music-wise: Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack

11. I feel like this is a trick question… so I will give a trick answer. Water, because you can make nearly every liquid drink known to mankind, and the question never specified whether or not you can add things to the liquid.

12. I’ll let you know when I’ve had one; probably wouldn’t care, I get random bruises already

13. Usually around 4am… don’t judge me, 4am is the best time for stuff

14. Uhhh… no, actually, thank goodness

15. I can text fast with one hand. I can text fast with the other. Ironically, I trip myself up when using both hands at the same time

16. I have the annoying habit of trying to answer /everything/, even if it’s ridiculous and doesn’t need an answer, so yes. Just don’t expect it the same day

17. Nope, I don’t think I’ve ever fallen hard for anyone, actually… so can’t hate them *shrugs*

18. Last night, 1 in the morning

19. Yes. 

20. “I bet if I just finish this sentence, I’ll be able to quickly finish this smut piece tomorrow at some point…”

21. I certainly hope there’s no one in this room with me right now

22. No, what, that’d be ridiculous *nervous laughter*

23. I was still doing school, so no, not happier at all. I will only be happy when my mortal enemy is defeated.

24. *the magic conch says* try asking later

25. Uhh, yes, but because of characters. And stuff. You know the stuff. You know why.

26. Black like the void

27. Nope. If they do, I just keep walking, because who are they. How did they find me.

28. …Actually, all my characters are listening to me for a change, this is incredible; it’s a miracle!

29. Absolutely

30. Not really, mainly cause I’ve never kissed anyone. And if I had, there’s a reason they’re my ex. Go right ahead.

31. A family member, about going to IHop this morning; I got chocolate pancakes.

32. Nobody specific, really… okay, I take that back, Tom and Rodrick because they deserve to be hated

33. Nope, unless you count platonic kisses, in which case yes

34. Do I get points if I make up a birthday?

35. According to my horrible math skills, 337 days

36. Um… summer school… vacation in August… I don’t have a summer

37. Yep, but I don’t talk to them as often anymore

38. I am definitely keeping something, but only cause it’s not done yet

39. Possibly, if I could be bothered to remember it

40. See, the great thing about never kissing anyone before is I don’t have to regret a damn thing

41. In certain cases; but if they’re both consenting adults, who cares

42. Available for what? For hire? For dating? For the third Wednesday of October? Yes, I suppose, and no, in that order.

43. Ummm… define “real strong feelings” because I’d argue no…

44. First, I would question why I had to get one; second, I’d probably get a second ear piercing on my left ear. Or third. Why not.

45. Yes, but it depends on the exes

46. I have no regrets; even if I did have any regrets, I can’t have regrets

47. “If I could just sit down and focus, I could get a lot more done” “Don’t be ridiculous, we both know you can’t focus that long anymore, you’d get distracted by literally any passing thought or noise” “But-” “Just sit your butt down and draw, it’s the only thing you can do that you won’t be distracted while doing”

48. I lost one at 7 because we moved; after that, I only lost fake friends, and I‘m okay with losing those

49. I should actually go and kiss someone, that’ll show you

50. Because I told myself to not get into another relationship right now; also because what is “like” and how does this emotion thing work

51. How many questions can there be about kissing?

52. THERE’S ANOTHER ONE :O Nope, I don’t

53. Kit-kats

54. I complimented myself for getting out of bed at a reasonable time, so yes

55. Dude, I wish I knew. Out of the many options, I hope it’s Disney… or Pompeii…

56. I own several foreign coins, a Japanese-made doll, and a few other things from Hawaii and Alaska; yes I know they’re not other countries; but they’re far enough away to be

57. Hmm… at the moment, mostly girls?

58. Texas, it’s the longest place I’ve lived to date; not by much, only slightly

59. A couple months ago, to an optometrist

60. Nope, should I?

61. I watched other people do it and laughed at them, but nope

62. Family members…?

63. In general: The Emperor’s New Groove. At theaters: Guardians of the Galaxy 2. Go watch it.

64. No clue, I’ll ask when I have a boyfriend/girlfriend

65. Uhhh… zero I think?

66. Nope

67. Heck no, I want to live to see graduation

68. No, summer lasts way too long and it’s /hot/. It’s hot right now. There’s no wind, it’s so humid, there’s sun; the only good thing about this is there are regular thunderstorms, but it’s /too hot/.

69. Short and sarcastic

70. Monogamous, I tend to have jealousy issues, so for the safety of human-kind…

71. Not yet, but who knows what will happen

72. Writing about it is fun

73. I can’t even flirt, what the-

74. Coyote take opportunity; coyote see no opportunity, so coyote take none

75. Eyes? Eyes. Yes. Or hair. Maybe. I don’t know. WHy are you asking me this-

76. Mah best friend

77. Does writing about this count? Dude, I won’t even kiss someone I’ve known for less than an hour

78. Again, same answer as above

79. My OTPs doing cute stuff together

80. Sure, kids are great

81. Yerp, once

82. No. What crush. I’ve never seen that crush before in my life. You can’t prove anything, and if you can, you won’t be able to hide

83. Uhhh… what? No.

84. I’ve literally never slow-danced in my life

85. Like fake dating? No, but I’ve considered it a few times

86. Books and chocolate

87. Taurus

88. Eating chocolate covered nuts, blissfully unaware I would be spending the next eight hours binge-watching Series of Unfortunate Events

89. Absolutely; I bake too, I just hate cleaning up afterwards

90. Nope. “I never look back, darling, it distracts from the now”

91. 100% no; I’ll take life as it comes, but I’m definitely not wishing to be in a relationship

92. I don’t really date… mostly monogamous relationships for the time being, but if it were just a one time date thing, sounds like fun; no strings

93. Interest in what? Like shiny things? I love shiny things, especially colorful shiny things… or things that make nice chimey sounds and are shiny and colorful… what were we talking about?

94. The power to punch people over the internet, a fairy to write for me when writer’s block strikes, a button to stop time so I can get enough sleep, and money so I can go places/visit people

95. I don’t even like playing board games, let alone people

96. I kissed two books in one day; I hope they don’t find out

97. If sarcasm counts as teasing, then yes; if not, I can’t help you

98. Nope, but I haven’t to meet Tumblreans, so…

99. No? Well maybe. Sort of. I don’t know. Probably not by conventional standards.

100. No clue, will there be breadsticks… *coughs*

101. Hugs? Wait, how well do I know this person

102. No, just too weird

103. “Nice t-shirt”

104. Umm… raises eyebrows, but is preferable to “doll”… I guess it’s cute?

105. No. Nope. Not happening. Doesn’t matter the sex appeal, not getting into that mess. Pretty obvious what they’re looking for.

106. I don’t even know when people are flirting with me

107. Make out scene between Berin and Correnten; good times…

108. Nope

109. Well I haven’t, but the same doesn’t go for my characters

110. I have a list, but I’m not talking. You can’t make me talk. Ahahahaha!

111. Who /really/ knows who they’re kissing next…

112. No clue, but if I did and they were hinting, I probably still wouldn’t know

113. Maybe? What are you, the FB-

114. Serious relationships, I guess.

115. Nope, haven’t; might happen, I dunno, haven’t gotten that far yet

116. Does anyone really know the answer to that question?

117. Dunno the question, but: Let’s sit around the campfire and sing the campfire song

the C A M P F I R E S O N G song

and if you don’t think that we can’t sing it faster, then you’re wrong

but it would help if you just sing along

[entergamingxp]

Meet the Pokmon fans who send hundreds of rare monsters to kids on Christmas Day • Eurogamer.net

It’s difficult to place the exact origins of Operation Delibird, the tradition that sees Pokmon players send out rare and exclusive monsters every Christmas. Gamespot messageboards mention it by name, but the idea was formed after the release of Pokmon X and Y in 2013, due to the addition of the Wonder Trade feature (renamed as Surprise Trade in the most recent games), which lets you send your Pokmon to a stranger with no idea of what you’ll get in return.

Players use this feature to send out hundreds of rare Pokmon on Christmas Day and Boxing Day every year, to hopefully connect with children who received the game for Christmas and add something special to their first playthrough.

Operation Delibird was named after Operation Zubat – an attempt to flood the new Wonder Trade system with annoyingly common Zubats – and Delibird, a Father Christmas-cosplaying bird Pokmon with the signature move “Present”. But, instead of annoying the recipient of your Pokmon, the intention is to trade something much more desirable as a Christmas gift.

Pokmon fan Diana Soreil hopes this year’s incarnation of the tradition can spread a little Christmas cheer to other Pokmon players in the festive season, and fight back against the negativity in the community.

“No matter what your opinions are on the game’s controversies, everyone can agree making someone’s Christmas better is a good thing to do,” she tells Eurogamer. “Almost everyone knows what it’s like to be a kid with your first Pokmon game, full of wonder at the world unfolding around you on your screen.”

She’s been donating Pokmon on Christmas Day and Boxing Day since 2014, and wanted to make sure the kindness continued with the new games. Her positivity evidently struck a chord with Pokmon fans across the world, as a tweet she wrote about the tradition gathered over 40,000 likes.

I hope the pokemon fanbase does the thing again where we breed a ton of starters and version exclusives and send them out as mystery trades on Christmas and Dec 26, because you KNOW a bunch of kids get the game for Christmas

— ? Diana Soreil ? @ ??? (@silencedrowns) November 19, 2019

Much like Operation Delibird was salvaged from attempts to troll other players, this year the tradition hopes to salvage some positivity from a year where the Pokmon community hasn’t bathed itself in glory. A vocal minority of players were upset not every one of the 1000+ monsters can be found in Pokmon Sword and Shield, so flooded social media with calls to boycott the new games, including harassing artists, developers and other fans. For Soreil, it’s all about spreading positivity and kindness. “I love knowing that whoever gets something special just had their day made a little brighter,” she explains. “The world is a trash fire lately, and while I can’t do anything major to help, cheering someone up by flooding Surprise Trade with 300 Mimikyus is something small and easy I can actually do.”

But, how can you be sure your Pokmon is going to a new player if the system is entirely random? It comes down to a combination of luck and repetition. Anyone taking part in this collective Christmas miracle knows the score, but little Billy trading his first Rookidee in Pokmon Shield for the first time on Christmas Day may not. So, if someone sending out a box of rare Pokmon gets another rare Pokmon in return, they’ll simply send it back into the Surprise Trade network to another random stranger. They repeat this until they eventually receive something from the early stages of the game, at which point they’ve likely connected with someone who has just started the game, and hopefully sent a child a rare and wonderful Christmas present. The more Pokmon you send out, the higher the chances of finding a new player.

Surprise Trade is a truly wonderful thing.

Six years ago, Bow received Pokmon X for Christmas. Aged nine at the time, she couldn’t wait to start her Pokmon adventure.

“So on that Christmas day after opening my presents, I excitedly sat outside and played my brand new copy of Pokmon X,” she tells Eurogamer. “I had just figured out how the Wonder Trade thing worked because I remember getting a whole box full of random Pokmon just to trade them away and see what I might get. I was a little kid and all, so even the Pokmon that are really common at later parts of the game made me really excited.”

However her Christmas Day was transformed when a stranger traded her a shiny Ditto.

“I still remember how excited I got when I saw the blue little boy on my screen. I literally cried I was so happy! Not only was it a rare, shiny Pokmon, but Ditto is easily one of my favourites and, at the time, baby blue was my favourite colour.

“It impacted me a lot! Really made me feel extra special. I don’t have Sword and Shield yet, but I wish I did so I could help make other kids feel the same way I did!”

Trade complete!

Operation Delibird embodies the spirit of paying it forward to spread Christmas joy to new players across the world. And this is the reason Pokmon fan Chris Bennet is taking part for the first time this year.

“The old adage, ‘It’s better to give than it is to receive’ has always rung true to me; especially this time of year,” he explains. “There will be thousands of kids (and adults alike) worldwide who will be getting this game or even their first Switch for Christmas. I hope some of the Pokemon I’ll be sending out will make someone’s new journey a great experience.

“For me, Pokemon was always about trading, whether it was with a Gameboy Colour link cable or trading Pokemon cards. The internet and the technology of the Nintendo Switch has made trading so much easier and has expanded trading to more than just your neighbourhood or town.”

I wonder what I’ll get?

Bennett is just one of the thousands of fans joining forces to spread Christmas cheer through the game. But, getting hold of 30 rare Pokmon can be a challenge. I knew I wanted in, but I wasn’t sure how to go about finding enough rare Pokmon that someone else would value and treasure. So I got in touch with Kal, a trainer from Reddit, who tells me his gifts are simply “breedjects” (breeding rejects) – the leftover Pokmon from mass breeding sessions where players are looking for the most competitive stats or an elusive shiny.

Kal explains he tries to breed a shiny Pokmon for his brother every year as a Christmas gift. This year, he managed to find a Charmander with the rare colouring quite quickly, but he still has a box of 30 spare Charmanders that would otherwise be released into the wild. As Charmander is only available after you beat Pokmon Sword or Shield, he wants his surplus fiery bois to join strangers from the very start of their adventures. “Honestly the only reaction I want is for them to be happy,” he says.

OMG a Quagsire!

With that knowledge in hand, the next thing to decide was what Pokmon to send. Popular choices are rare Pokmon such as Turtonator, Drampa or Dhelmise; or monsters exclusive to one of the games such as Larvitar, Solosis or Goomy. Other popular options in previous years have been Christmas-themed, such as the eponymous Delibird, or Stantler who pulls Father Christmas’ sleigh in the Pokmon canon. I’m serious.

However, I plumped for the starter Pokmon, Scorbunny, Grookey and Sobble. As you can only choose one of the three at the start of your adventure, I hoped I could send out a new Pokmon my unsuspecting recipient wouldn’t have been able to find otherwise.

My big sack of Sobble ready to drop down strangers’ chimneys.

I started with Sobble, in case any new players were immediately regretting their decision to pick either of the other, less cute, starters. Having completed the Pokdex and using a foreign Ditto in the Nursery, I was also making sure that my chances for a shiny were the highest possible – a 0.0019 per cent chance.

I bred 30 Sobble, and the same number of Grookey and Scorbunny followed in just a couple of hours. Although I didn’t find a shiny, I already felt kind and generous, like Father Switchmas with a big sack of Sobble to drop down strangers’ chimneys. But why stop at Christmas? In future, maybe the community could come together for other holidays, sending Togepi at Easter or, if we hurry, Litwicks for Hanukkah? So long as nobody sends out lumps of Rolycoly for the naughty kids, it’s going to be an exciting Christmas Eevee this year.

Whatever you can spare, it’s worth sending something to make someone like Bow’s Christmas that little bit more special. After all, the best way to spread Christmas cheer is sending rare Pokmon year upon year.

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2019/12/meet-the-pokmon-fans-who-send-hundreds-of-rare-monsters-to-kids-on-christmas-day-%e2%80%a2-eurogamer-net/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=meet-the-pokmon-fans-who-send-hundreds-of-rare-monsters-to-kids-on-christmas-day-%25e2%2580%25a2-eurogamer-net

[erinelezabeth920]

Days 19-22: Growth

“It’s the get through”, I told Andy over the phone with spotty internet, drinking a Pilsner at a bar on Amazones on my way back to the bus. It was Monday (Day 19). Back to la routina.

It had been a hard day. I hadn’t slept well and had woken up tired. The busses were stressful, crowded, the cars emitting exhaust fumes, people shoving. The neuro clinic was fine; we went to go get cappuccinos from the coffee shop next door and it had really messed up my stomach. Raf was in an off mood, criticizing us for things, or asking questions like why didn’t we include this criteria, maybe we should add this, making hours more work for me and Kayla.

We had lunch at an almuerzo place, but my stomach was off and I didn’t want any of it. I bought a chocolate bar and sprite at the mini market. It felt like I might be getting my period. Kayla and Erin were off too, Erin was in her complaining mood, and Kayla was snappy. We walked into Beraca, the Spanish building to be bombarded with people. I had forgotten that the two week program group had showed up that weekend; this was their first day at the Spanish school. Meaning 9 new students meant 9 new teachers and 18 more people in the already small space. The energy was buzzing with new psychology girls who I’m sorry all looked the same. I know it’s rude but I felt annoyed, like an older sibling in the hospital. This was our space. Our program. We had a bond, a vibe, a routine. And suddenly it was thrown off by fresh travel energy, and all these new girls, just as we were slumping.

We had Spanish class for an hour. It was harder to concentrate; Irma and I got moved from our nice room with windows to the back room. Then we all (teachers included) headed outside and piled on a bus. Herding 30 people on a public bus was a nightmare when no one seemed to be in charge. It was hot and I was annoyed. We got off that bus and waited for like 15 minutes on a busy street corner for another one. I hate traveling in big groups. The objective was to talk to our Spanish teacher, but Irma was hot too and the high pitched chatter of the new girls about schools and policies and IEPs annoyed me. Finally the other bus came; we drove up a windy street to the top of the hill, the site of the Panecilla statue.

Once we were there it was kind of fun. There was space to spread out. Irma and I talked with Kayla and her teacher about our job site. Irma made dirty jokes. We looked over the city and saw the volcanos. I noticed sights at the Historical District from the Saturday before. I talked to Mike and his teacher; they have a hysterical friendship. I ate some chips I had in my bag and climbed up to the top of the tower. The site itself is an old Incan ruin on a hill overlooking the city. In 1976 they build a statue of a woman, a protector of the city looking out. It’s iconic of the city and beautiful to see from afar and up close. It was actually a nice time.

After that event things got annoying again. There wasn’t much direction and it seemed like we were just kind of stranded up there as class was officially over. Mike and Ana went to go try and buy bus tickets for our upcoming weekend coast trip. Erin, Kayla, Kat, Star and I ended up walking all the way back to Parque Elijido. Once we got over the confusion of the Spanish teachers who wanted to go out and were telling us a million different things, it was actually kind of nice. We walked through pretty streets in the historic district, narrow with colonial buildings and cobble streets. Kat and I vented to each other and felt better. Erin was still complaining.

At Parque Elijido I walked with them a ways to Amazones, the more commercial street. I needed a drink. I split off at a bar I found and said bye. I sat down and ordered a beer.

Which brings us to the conversation. I was telling Andy that traveling is kind of like a relationship. I know this phase. I had weeks of it in Thailand, Denmark too. When the honeymoon has worn off, all the new and shiny. And suddenly all the little things you didn’t notice start bothering you. The traffic, the food, how people always sit on the outside seat on the bus. The annoyance of small change, the lack of internet and Google maps. You want to go home. You wonder what your friends are doing, if they forgot you. Erin complains, Kayla is snarky, Mike gets in moods. I don’t understand anything in Spanish. I’m sick of paying for public bathrooms and throwing toilet paper in the trash. Or the big one, I’m sick of getting cat called in the street, feeling unsafe from men, clutching my belongings, being beeped at by cab drivers. The intense machismo and the fear I feel as a result. The list goes on.

That’s the phase. And then (for anyone who’s moved to a new place or been in a relationship) comes growth. It’s uncomfortable. It’s re-wiring our neurons for new patterns, expanded ways of thinking, literally changing ourselves. Growth doesn’t happen in fancy hotels or guided tours on vacation, in a safe and tourist bubble. Growth happens out in the streets, in immersion when all you want is for someone to speak English to you and a hot shower, standing on a completely packed bus at 7:15am, the only person with blonde hair, everyone staring, not able to drink coffee because your stomach can’t handle it.

That night when I came back, having tea with Monica and everyone, they showed me a shoe box. Inside was a beautiful dark green hummingbird with a broken wing, they were nursing back to health.

Day 20:

A lot of it was the same. Clinic in the morning, Kayla and I were formatting our screener tool, trying to change Spanish tenses from first to third person for a parent and self report and it was very difficult. We went to power lunch lunch at a Mexican restaurant nearby. It was good but I was very tired and not talkative. Tara was there, the other program director since Anton had left and they had switched off. She sat next to me and I felt bad because I didn’t talk much. I get quiet in big groups of new people with loud personalities.

After lunch we bussed to Beraca and I tried to finish my homework. I got tired and put my headphones in. I knew I should talk to the new people but I just didn’t have it in me. Irma and I had Spanish class until 4:30.

After that Kayla Star, Erin and I walked over to a sketchy looking bus station to buy the tickets for the weekend. We were all still kind of touchy and annoyed, trying to find the place, figure out the right time. The machine was slow and a car alarm kept going off. They headed back to go salsa dancing, but I was close to my house and felt pretty out of it, so I headed home.

I wanted a beer, so I stopped in at an almuerzo place that was still open. It was just the family and me; a grandma, some kids, uncle and who knows who else. I sat down at a plastic table with my beer and opened my Spanish teenage vampire book, trying to be unassuming. Soon I heard a commotion; more people had arrived, and then there was cake and singing of ‘Feliz cumpleaños’. A little girl of maybe 5 sat in a chair to blown out the candles. Someone recorded on a phone. I closed my book and turned around, smiling. I had accidentally walked into a birthday party.

When I left, I put my 2$ on the counter. “Who’s birthday I asked?” as everyone had been looking at me a little strangely. She pointed to the little girl. ‘Feliz cumpleaños’ I said. They smiled and so did I as I walked out into the Ecuadorian night.

Day 21:

We made a meal in our Spanish class. I had already eaten an empeñada with Kayla for lunch and felt full. I had done my Spanish homework and Irma taught me the recipe. Tara had made an announcement to the four week group that this was the phase where the adrenaline had worn off, and it would get tougher. She was right. It was kind of fun, a cool idea and I enjoyed myself except there were a lot of people and it was loud. Mike and I learned a card game from the cute teacher Raul, and we all ate the food. I was very tired by the end; I headed to a coffee shop but the internet didn’t work great.

Instead of going home, I just hung around. At 8 I walked back down the street, feeling a little sketched in the dark with my computer in my bag. I found the bar, Uncle Julio’s. Karaoke. It was the best. Just the best. A tiny empty bar with two old men singing Spanish ballads and about 9 Americans belting out 90s songs with popcorn and beer. Jojo sang Christina Aguelera, Raf sang Shania Twain. Kayla sang Ashanti and Star killed it with “My Heart Will Go On” It breathed life into me; I was up dancing talking to people and feeling like my old self. We ended the night with a sing along of “I Wanna Dance With Somebody”, my home karaoke favorite which the whole bar joined. And for that moment everything felt aligned.

Day 22:

I woke up and packed my stuff for the beach. Monica called me an Uber so I wouldn’t have to take my things on the bus. At the clinic, three new people from the 2 week group came to join us, which was stressful but we made it work.

After the clinic Kayla and I walked with Erin to her house to drop off our stuff. Then we headed up to the site of our “charla” walking up a huge hill with heavy breathing. We stopped for lunch at an absolutely adorable coffee shop, where I had a giant juice and a panini and we talked about relationships. It was a nice time. After that we went to an art museum where we had to pay 8$ to get in and were mas about it. The museum was beautiful though, a famous artist from Ecuador who donated his house and most of his collection to the public.

After after that we sat the in grass outside. It was a nice day. We talked about privilege and multiculturalism, and our experiences in Ecuador thus far. We talked about the difficulty, the growth. I tried to contribute as best I could, talking about my frustrations with being hustled on the street, beeped at by every taxi, stared at on the bus, and even THAT is a product of my privelage, as a visitor from a country with more opportunity. I am harassed because I am perceived as having more. And I do.

We ended the charla early. Standing up in the sun, outside of a beautiful museum overlooking the city, I felt a huge weight lift. The week was over. I stood and stared for a bit at the Quito houses as the clouds floated by. In a few hours we’d be on a bus to the beach. I had gotten through.

Because finally after the frustration comes acceptance. Where you grow and change, let go of the things or learn to embrace them, changing yourself in the process. Even in the hard weeks, the lulls, the moments shine through. A city from a hill, a hummingbird in a shoebox, an accidental birthday party. Until you’re dancing to Whitney in a tiny dive bar in South America, drink in hand and suddenly the world doesn’t feel so big after all.

[jvzooproductsclub]

Viddyoze 3.0 Review | Along with my EXCLUSIVE Bonuses

Viddyoze 3.0 Review | Along with my EXCLUSIVE Bonuses

Learn more here: http://mattmartin.club/index.php/2018/04/30/viddyoze3-review/

Welcome to, Mattmartin.club Proud to show you my “Viddyoze 3.0” Review hope you will enjoy it !

  Jaw Dropping Animation Has Never Been So Easier

Create Beautiful 3D Video Animations With 3 Simple Steps…

  Overview :

Product Creator Viddyoze Product Name Viddyoze 3.0 Commercial Price $67.00 Niche Software Bonuses Yes, Click Here To Checkout The Bonuses! Refund 30 Day Money Back Guarantee Recommend Highly Recommend

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What Is Viddyoze 3.0?

With Viddyoze 3.0 you can create your own studio-quality intros, social actions, transitions, outros and more in just a few clicks… without any previous design experience, without waiting weeks on your contractor… and without wasting money on the same marketplace designs that everyone else is using…

Ground Breaking Live Action Animations

This isn’t something you can do with any other software, not even industry leading stuff like Adobe After Effects.

Give your videos all the glamour and gloss of a high-class advertising agency, with real actors, real models, and professionally shot video that’d normally need a Madison Avenue budget to produce.

Studio-Grade Intros & Logo Stings

These are not the logo stings your Granddaddy finds on Fiverr.

These are high-touch, professional, studio-quality animations that used to only be possible with AfterEffects.

Stunning Social Actions

If you’re not being social, you’re being left behind. Viddyoze’s social media animations bring in the likes, follows, shares and retweets that say ‘this guy is worth talking about’.

Seamless Transitions

You want to be known as the guy with scrappy scene-cuts? Of course not.

You want to be known as the guy with transitions so sexy even Scarlett Johansson would get jealous.

With Viddyoze’s huge template bank, your videos will flow effortlessly from start to finish.

Compelling Outros & CTAs

Maximize your sales, shares and sign ups… because these outros aren’t just designed to look pretty.

They’re all approved by pro-marketers, so your videos will look amazing and convert like crazy too.

Lower Thirds

Give your videos a professional shine and gain that next level of respect.

Your videos can instantly stand out from the pack with just a couple of clicks… and you’ll never need to go near AfterEffects again

Movie filters

Lens flares, light effects, film grain, blockbuster-style grading and more let you turn your video into something Spielberg would be proud of. Stick it on YouTube and wait for Marvel to come calling.

ALPHA Technology

EXCLUSIVE to Viddyoze.

Transparency technology takes ALL your animations to the next level.

No other tool can do this… which is why you’ll blow your competition off the map.

How Does It Work?

The process of changing your old-fashioned promotional videos into cinematic ones with live action scenarios includes three major steps, which are carefully listed below.

Step 1: Choose one of the available templates in the Viddyoze library

Step 2: Customize the chosen video to your own taste

Step 3: Preview the animation, make any corrections!

Step 4: Click the “Render” button and wait another few minutes for your video to be exported in high resolution

You can take a look at the demo video here to see how Viddyoze 3.0 actually works in reality.

Who Should Use It?

As far as I am concerned, Viddyoze 3.0 is best suited for online marketers since their job, especially in this digital era, must involve creating and leveraging the hidden power of advertising videos on a regular basis with a view to promoting their products or services.

Thus, I strongly believe that affiliate marketers, bloggers, product vendors, and even online agencies can benefit a lot from this product. Viddyoze 3.0 is fully capable of empowering your marketing projects and campaigns so that they can become much more efficient than using other similar video creators.

What’s more, Viddyoze 3 is the perfect choice for video marketers as this system allows them to generate huge amounts of free traffic through the number of views they are able to achieve by utilizing the high-converting 3D animated videos in Viddyoze library.

Pros and Cons

This section of my Viddyoze 3.0 Review focuses on giving a thorough analysis of its strengths and weaknesses.

In terms of the advantages, I personally think that Viddyoze 3.0 has an incredibly newbie-friendly dashboard, which means a lot to beginners since they do not have to spend much time getting used to its interface. Also, I have already indicated that Viddyoze 3 is fully applicable to multiple niche markets, so you do not have to worry that you can’t find video templates for any particular niche.

Another plus point for Viddyoze 3.0 is that it is fully cloud-based, which gives you a chance to get access to this platform from any technological device with an Internet access. In this way, you can customize and edit videos anywhere at any time without the help of your computer.

On the other hand, I think it would be better if Viddyoze 3.0 adds some buttons which enable users to share their videos on social media networks directly from its dashboard. As a result, your videos can achieve wider exposure to the public attention.

User experience

This section of my Viddyoze 3.0 Review intends to put an emphasis on the experience I have had with this platform over the last few weeks.

I used this software as beta tester so you can absolutely trust anything I review today.

Firstly, the video templates offered in this package can be applied to various niches. As you are able to turn the templates into your own marketing tools, Viddyoze 3.0 allows you to edit the elements to your own needs, thus helping you aim for your targeted market.

Now I logged in Viddyoze 3.0 Dashboard and here is the main dashboard. This is the cloud-based software with cool interface and high speed loading page.

The first feeling I see it very professional.

There are so lots of templates for you there. I click to edit one template to test it as the example today.

The below is “Slideshow Tourism” template which I take as an example for you today.

As you see, you can listen the music by unmute the video sound and then click “Customize The Video” to start editing this template.

Whoo, I have to say again the Viddyoze 3.0 site speed is like the rocket.

And then you can edit this template by uploading your logo and your image and your Intro subtitle as below:

And finally you can create your preview before export it.

I appreciate this cloud-based video tool because It is super easy to use whatever your skill is good or not. You work is simply to choose the template, edit it and export it. Nothing is easier than it.

I see it is really worth your money. You should try on using it today, I believe you like it at the first time.

What’s more, I have a small recommendation when using Viddyoze 3.0. In my opinion, if you want to make use of this tool to create video clips to promote your offers, the essential thing you should keep in mind is its clarity.

According to my observations, clients easily get bored of shiny things really quickly, instead of after a while they just pay attention to the gist of the whole video and look for the main information. That is literally the reason why you should keep your messages simple and brief yet informative.

Evaluation and Price

Personally, I think Viddyoze 3.0 actually deserves being invested in. What this mammoth compilation provides might alternate the way you think about advertising videos forever. For those who are interested in this application, please mark your calendar the launch date which is on May 01, 2018.

Beside, Viddyoze 3.0 has 1 Front-End and 1 Upsell:

-Front-End (Viddyoze 3.0 – $47-$67) (See Details)

-Upsell (Viddyoze 3.0 Template Club – $37/Month or $347/Year) (See Details)

To sum up, my Viddyoze 3.0 Review has hopefully offered you a more general view of this product. I’m also really grateful to you guys for keeping up with me to the end. Moreover, please don’t forget to send me your questions if there is something that isn’t clear yet. Good luck!

  Click Here at 11 AM EST on 2018-May-01 to get an Early Bird Discount on “Viddyoze 3.0 Commercial” along with my Exclusive Bonuses

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  Please Note: I only promote products I use or have used myself. All have great reviews, significant sales and low refund rates. I try to promote offers from reliable and trustworthy sellers with excellent track record about customer support and are in business for a while.

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[beau7x-blog]

Chapter 1.

Beau looked at herself in the mirror as she adjusted the apron on her uniform. She took a deep breath and clenched her hands into tight fists to stop them from shaking "It's just for a week" she whispered to herself. It had taken a lot of courage and determination for the shy, anxious 24-year-old to take the 18 hour flight from Brisbane, Australia to San Diego USA. But, as previously mentioned, she was determined. This may be a once in a life time opportunity and she was not going to miss it. Beau had signed up to serve as a waitress in the "FamilyJules Jamily Maid Café", a patreon goal that was initially set up as a joke, because it never seemed possible that it would happen. But over time, and with enough support and stubbornness, the goal was met, and Jules had no choice. A lot of organization and time went into the project, with it being settled on renting an old empty house for approximately two weeks to run the 'donation-only' (for legal and tax purposes) café downstairs, while having certain guests, mainly volunteer staff, board in the rooms upstairs. Beau knew nobody here. Not really. She'd talked to them online and even skyped with a few but she'd never met them in person. She had never worked as a waitress, she had never been to the States, never boarded with strangers, and all of these things terrified her. Yet, here she was. She somehow felt comfortable with all these 'strangers' around her. Probably because she knew that only "Jamily" members were allowed access to the café, and she knew that they were one of the friendliest and most supportive communities you can find on the internet. Everyone who has or will, step foot in that house, were there for the same reason; to support and share a common interest that they loved. While Beau's anxiety tends to make her catastrophize everything, she had been met with nothing but utmost kindness and smiles. However, she could not shake this feeling of unease. An awkwardness if you will; the feeling of someone watching you get dressed or being spied on in the shower. She looked at her new maid uniform. She liked it; the thigh high black stocking with a white lace trim were soft and fuzzy – not too tight or too loose. The black dress was tailor made of soft cotton that swished a little when she turned. The puffy cap sleeves sat comfortably on her shoulders, and the apron was only as tight as she made it. She scrutinized her face. She rarely wore makeup but felt it an appropriate occasion. Nothing fancy; a little foundation to even out her skin tone, a bit of mascara and eyeliner forming a wing. The hue of lipstick was only a few shades darker than her natural color, nothing too bright or overdramatic. Was it the cat ears? Every maid had a choice of headwear: a bow, traditional frill, or cat ears. Beau had chosen the last thinking it was cute and fairly innocent, but now she doubted herself. Was it too much? Was she trying too hard to be cute and relatable? Maybe it didn't quite fit with her hairstyle; Her long fine brown hair pulled into a tight bun with a side fringe swept to the right of her face. She knew she looked better with her hair down but found it easier to work with it up. It was a good balance of efficiency and aesthetic. It wasn't the cat ears. Beau knew exactly what was making her stomach knot but unfortunately couldn't do anything about it. Underneath the frilly lace collar was a love heart cut out across the bust section of the dress, only making her tightly fitted cleavage even more glaringly obvious. She frowned. She bit her lower lip. She growled quietly low in her throat in indecision. She had the option of adding a long bow to the collar to hang down across the cutout but was afraid it might draw more attention, rather than hide it. She considered asking one of the men next door if she could borrow a tie instead, then remember they had opted for bowties instead. She huffed "No one's going to care, calm down. You are literally the only one making a big deal out of this." She pinned her name badge above her left breast. The black and gold plate read "Beau" with 'Beau7x' in a smaller font underneath it. If anyone were to recognize her it would be by her chat name, not her face. She quietly tiptoed down the hall and to the ground floor. It was only 7.14 a.m. and the café didn't open until 10 a.m. but she was too excited and wanted to get a head start to make sure everything was ready for opening day. The ground floor of the house was fairly large. All of the walls previously separating the rooms had been knocked down so now it was only split into two areas; the main room which would serve as the café, and the kitchen. The main room was set up with tables covered in an assortment of tablecloths and none of them had matching chairs. Some large wingback armchairs left by the original owner were positioned in front of the large fireplace near the front corner of the house, opposite the front entrance. Bookcases framed the wall high windows filled with tableware, books, toys, and board games for patrons to use at their leisure. On the opposing wall were dozens of pictures sent by other Jamily members of themselves, their pets, memes and artwork they had created and submitted to decorate the house. Beau headed to the back of the room towards the serving counter. Two people were already there, one was sitting on a barstool eating cereal, the other behind the counter making coffee. "Good morning." Beau called out quietly "Morning" the man behind the counter replied blearily. "Good morning." The other replied after removing the spoon from their mouth, trying not to spit milk over the counter. "You know we don't open for another few hours." The man behind the counter called over his shoulder "I know," Beau nodded. "Just couldn't sleep" "Same" he replied, taking the first sip of his coffee. Beau took a seat at the counter next to the person eating cereal who introduced themselves as ShinytheLarvitar. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you Shiny." Beau smiled at them. The man behind the counter introduced himself as ChaoticMeatball "Coffee?" He offered. "No thanks, I don't drink coffee." He narrowed his eyes at her, "How can you work at a café and not like coffee?" "Because I'm not here for coffee?" She questioned his accusation "But how can you make good coffee if you don't drink it?" "'Cause I don't need to drink coffee to know how to work a coffee machine." "Yeah, but, how do you know if it's good?" "Do you drink or eat every edible item you prepare for someone else?" "Well, no." "Then how do you know if it's good?" "Cause, well...hm. I see your point." he gave up arguing "So, what are you going to do this morning, Beau?" Asked Shiny Beau stretched her back as she thought, "Well, I need to decorate the cakes still, but other than that," She shrugged, "Maybe I can make it last until ten? I also want to set up some more decorations." They both looked around the room filled with balloons, confetti, streamer and I big banner that read "Welcome Home Jamily" across the windows. "Where?" Asked Shinty "Good point." Beau agreed, "I guess, I'll find something to keep me occupied." She added, slinking off towards the kitchen to start work. Throughout the day it seemed less like she was working as a waitress/maid at a café and more like a giant family reunion she was helping out with. People had started to pour in with luggage and gifts, exclaiming arrivals and hugging people they had never met until today. It was the most uplifting and wholesome environment Beau had ever had the pleasure of being present in. "God, why can't life just always be like this?" She shrugged to KelsanFL as she poured them some fresh tea. "I know right? Why do people have to be mean to one another? If you don't like someone, leave them alone. It's literally that simple." "Exactly. Life is hard enough as it is. It actually takes more effort to be an asshole. That's why I love seeing all you lovely people, " Beau beamed, "Reminds me there are good people in the world." Luckily, she wasn't requested to do anything too nefarious, or anything she was uncomfortable with at all. There were rules posted by the front door and on the back of the menus that stated any inappropriate or lewd behavior would lead to the patron being asked to leave, and if they refused, they would be removed by force if necessary. It also stated that if any maid/butler were assaulted, they had permission to handle the situation accordingly, including violence if they so wished, an idea Beau had no problem with. She believed the majority of people were either unaware or too uncomfortable of all the things they could ask the maids to do, so she offered a few things such as feeding them, giving shoulder massages, playing a game, and having a drink with them (Just one though, she did have a job to do.) Her role involved mainly waitressing. Anytime a new patron would walk in she would immediately bow and say "Welcome home." And escort them to a table, take their orders, serve them, clean afterwards and repeat the process. Her back ached and her feet were burning but she didn't want to stop. It wasn't until half past seven at night that she realized she had been working nonstop excluding her lunch break. LadybugSheep tried to convince her to stop and take the rest of the night off. "But, we're only open for another half hour, so I might as well keep going." "Beau you still need to shower and have dinner and if tomorrow is anything like today, you're going to need all the rest and sleep you can get." Beau groaned, "But I'm not tiiirreedd." "No buts! Now get in the kitchen and grab some dinner before the chefs finish up." Ladybug ordered. Beau sighed defeated, too tired to argue now. "Fine." She said and removed her apron and cat ears and headed towards the kitchen. "Finally finished eh?" One of the chefs called out. "Yeah. I've been up since about six or seven so, Ladybug kinda kicked me out." She smiled "Jeez, they really ride you guys hard huh?" "Depends on how I'm feeling on the night" she smirked. "Actually, we can work however long or short we like." "And you wanted to work for twelve hours?" Beau smiled at him and shrugged. "Would you like some dinner then?" He asked "That's okay, I'm just going to steal one of the premade sandwiches." "Don't be ridiculous." He rolled his eyes. "Go sit out there and I'll bring you something." He pointed his knife towards the dining room "Are you sure? You don't have to." "It would be my pleasure" he assured her. "Now go and sit down for once." Beau let down her hair and headed to the dining hall. The place was packed with people talking, playing games and enjoying a few drinks. Not wanting to intrude on anyone she sat down at a barstool by the counter and watched everyone go by. She was watching a couple at a nearby table playing slaps when everyone was interrupted by a loud exclamation from the front of the house "PAPA'S HOME!" A broad smile immediately spread across Beaus face as she stood up and bowed "Welcome home Papa!" Her voice swirled with the chorus of others calling out the same, cheering and clapping Jules had finally come to the café, with a large group behind him including Adrianna, Delcake, Darkages, Jonathan Young, Richaad, and a few other she couldn't see from the back of the café. Too shy to approach anyone and sure it wasn't the only opportunity she would have to introduce herself, Beau was happy to just watch everyone from the back, grinning stupidly, and soaking up the positive feeling of happiness, excitement and love.

[mingmagazine-blog]

Confessions of a Turkey Hunter: The Real Reason You (And I) Aren't Killing Anything

The leaves are changing, the crisp snap of the cold autumn air sounds the siren many of us have waited months for hunting season. Whether your season begins in September with Dove and early Teal, or you wait until Halloween to break out the bow, the time for early mornings and bag limits is upon us.

As is customary in American tradition, this fella will be plucked, fried and have bread shoved up his ass. We’re a strange society…

Yet every year we are reminded all too often that if it were easy, it wouldn’t be called hunting. Turkey reminded me of that. However, success is closer than you think. I’m here to tell you that the problem isn’t your sit, the wind, lack of scouting or the weather. It’s you.

  Goose Eggs For Turkey

I pride myself on not being a single season hunter. If I can cook it, I want to kill it. So after a successful dove season, early Teal and promising signs for upcoming deer and Fall turkey, I was ready to ride my success right into the freezer. But turkey and I have a rocky relationship. When I first arrived in Kansas in the late winter of 2017, my first hunting opportunity was Spring Turkey. I had the decoys, I had the camo, I had the calls, and I had done the scouting. I even located a Tom no more than 50 meters from my car when he gobbled from the roost; all great signs for an early punch on my tag.

  As a big middle finger to Ben Franklin, the Bald Eagle was chosen as America’s symbol while his pick, the turkey, is killed and has bread and sometimes, chickens and ducks shoved up its ass in the name of Thankfulness Day. WHY DO WE DO THIS?!?!

That morning was wet as thunderstorms moved through in the morning. I knew the birds would do one of two things: stay in the roost until things cleared up or move to the fields where their excellent hearing and superb eyesight wouldn’t be obstructed by rain and swaying tree limbs. Since that Gobbler was still roosted, I set up across a soybean field, soaked my bones and waited. And waited. And waited. Three hours went by, and it’s now 11 am. The Tom stopped talking, and nothing was moving on my decoys or responding to my slate call.

  I decided to explore my surroundings a little more and move to crest a hill behind me. As I come around the spur of this small hill, I catch the sight of a tail fan. About 30 meters ahead of me was a Tom in full strut. He was moving away from me and too far to take a reasonable shot. So I try to swing around this corn plot and intercept him. I moved quickly and quietly. I get around the food plot and look in the direction the bird should be coming from. Nothing. Just like that, I lost a large bird in a completely open field.

Fool Me Once

Anyone else have visions of G.W. Bush when they hear that? No? Just me? Fine. Anyway. Demoralized, I left my sit and went for lunch with the plan of coming back for an afternoon sit. That Tom was not getting away from me; Spoiler: he does. I came back out around 4 pm and set up on the far end of the soybean field from earlier. I called and called hard. Nothing. As the sun started to set, I decided that gobbler had moved on and went to pick up to find a different sit. As soon as I stood up, I saw a large bird run across my sit and into the woods. Too far to ever get a shot. He was in the same field as me the whole time.

The next week I left for an Army-funded vacation to the National Training Center in Death Valley, California. We arrived back just in time for the last weekend of Spring Turkey. But my results were more of the same. I knew where the birds were, but they knew where I was too. I had roosted them, gotten out before daylight, made all the right calls but never got in shooting distance of anything with feathers. Frustrated, I made excuses: No Tom I saw had hens, the season just didn’t line up with the birds mating. I clucked back and forth with a gobbler who would not leave the trees for maybe an hour. If he was “in the mood,” that Tom would’ve come running!

The Truth Is

All these factors and more made sense to me. But there was one element of hunting I was leaving out of my critical analysis. The hunter. I was on the birds. They were responding to calls. I knew where they slept and where they ate. So how were they beating me? That first bird probably heard me rustling around behind him. That Tom I called who wouldn’t le

Oh excellent, a new pen. See? Another successful hunt…

ave the trees probably was watching me the whole time as I ran around trying to get closer. Hell, I straight stood up and busted one in the same field as me!

  The truth is I was not patient. Now, I’m by no means a seasoned hunter. But this lesson is one I think many hunters fail to internalize early. Patience is key. Each time I grew frustrated with the lack of punctuality the animals displayed. How rude of them. I convinced myself the hunt was a bust only to be mocked by realizing the only element busting was me.

I Hate Turkey

I’ve had relative success in just about every season I’ve hunted. Even if I didn’t punch a tag or bag out, I’ve never been quite as stifled as I had been with Turkey. For an animal with a reputation for being pretty stupid, they sure seemed smart to me. Then Fall Turkey came around. Since the fall allows for the harvesting of either sex, my chances were better. I found increasingly promising turkey signs; tracks, feathers and had seen a flock not long before the season opened. A deer hunter in the same area had confirmed the presence of the birds and had them pretty well patterned.

At this point, I was hoping to find one of these little shits stuck in the mud so I could roundhouse it into my freezer.

I had confidence. Still lacked patience. I saw some tracks, and I knew where the birds were going. They liked feeding on the side of a road. This meant I had to cut them off 300 meters from the road to take a legal shot. 100 meters from the road, I moved back into the woods. It had seemed they beat me to safety. On my way back to the car, looking forward to lunch, three Toms flew up. The closest no more than 8 feet from me, and glided across a small creek. I sat down to call, knowing they would try to return together. I could see one in a tree across the river and another below the bank on some rocks. The only problem is they were too far out. So I did it again. I tried to move closer and gave myself away. Off they went.

Patience Pays Off

Losing hope, I took to the internet to see if I could find out what I was doing wrong. I came across a retired First Sergeant, David McNeal. Top McNeal had been hunting this area for 30 years and loved to hunt turkey. I shot him an email and asked for advice. He responded offering to take me out as he still had a tag he needed filled. Our morning sit was fruitless. So, Dave took me around showing me hunting spots that would be good for deer, duck, quail, etc. We passed a field, and I spotted a flock of about 15 turkeys. We got out, but they were too far to bust up. So, Dave backed us up a quarter mile in his truck, and we headed into the woods to see if we could call them in.

I was less than optimistic, just knowing how close I’ve come before. The birds were too far away, and we don’t even know if they’ll come this direction. Nevertheless, Dave called and called. I was literally texting my girlfriend about how it seemed I’d have to throw away another unfilled turkey tag when I heard what sounded like a cluck. But from behind us. Dave

Dave McNeal offers his experience and knowledge to advance conservation and instill his passion for hunting in others. His services are FREE and tailored to soldiers in the Fort Riley area. Thanks for the hunt, Top.

called and scratched and made noises I didn’t know a human could replicate. And then I heard the loudest yelp I had ever heard. I turned my head just slightly and could see shiny black feathers. I turned away afraid they would see the pink of my face. They were so close to Dave; he could have turned and kissed them on the beak.

  Dave told me was trying to wait and see if they would come around to the front but one raised its head and he knew it was now or never. He spun around and put one bird on the ground. I hopped up just in time to get a shot at the next one in line running right in front of me. In the most exciting 15 seconds ever on a hunt, Dave and I tagged out.

Lessons Learned

Hunting with Top McNeal was a humbling experience (you can find his account of the events here). It showed me that no matter how much internet research or hunting shows you watch, the best knowledge is firsthand. Mostly, it was reassuring. I was able to see that I was doing just about everything right. Except waiting. If it had been just me in those woods, I would’ve gotten up and headed out instead of giving the birds every chance to come in. Dave also showed me a few veteran tips and tricks that inevitably killed those birds (be on the lookout for those and more in a future article). Just remember that if you know you’re in the right spot, making the right calls, just be patient. Happy hunting.

Candid, no-look picture for dramatic effect.