#me prior to 2021: i am in hell i miss my girl so bad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hongjoongscafe · 3 years

Text

Dear Diary

One-shot

Pairing: Taeminxreader

Genre: lighty light-light angst, fluff

Summary: they were tired of everything.

Word count: 5.1k+

Warning: indirect mentions of sex but not actual smut. *boy, I'm bad at writing smut*

NOTE: The stuff in this fiction happens in the future, 2022 to be specific. So before reading make sure you read the date correctly. It's 31 October 2022. Also, the scenes in-between '♥' is y/n going in flashback kinda thing. So don't get confused. And rest is y/n writing in her diary. Last but not least, imagine Key speaking in his typical sarcastic voice. (his way of speaking is my favorite!)

Masterpost

TAEMIN masterlist

*Do NOT repost*

31st October 2022

Monday

11:37 PM

Dear diary,

Since 31 May 2021, I have been waiting for today. Finally, I get to feel Taemin, hold him, hug him, and kiss him... Nobody can ever understand the excitement and nervousness that I was feeling. Before, nobody knew about us dating. So it was impossible to go and meet him in the military. We didn't prefer anybody to find out back then. Meeting him there while he was still in service, could have created issues that could have become hard to handle. But one day he surprised me with his excellent idea...

♥

2 months prior

"What!? Are you serious about it?" You shockingly asked Taemin over a video call.

"Yes! I want our relationship to go public now. I wanna be with you without any fear of getting caught," his expression was evidence of his honesty. "I just- it's really hard to live without you. Especially when you can visit me here once in a while but can't because our relationship is not out there in public. I miss you so much and I want to take you out for dinner or some other fun dates. But that is not possible without our disclosure. Sneaky people will make a bigger deal out of it..." He paused before talking again "I know it's a big deal and a lot of people will hate it, but we will get to be with each other. And I'm not forcing you, you can take your time and think about it. We still have two whole months before my service time is over." He looked at you with puppy eyes through that phone screen.

"Honestly, I think you are right. I am tired of having home dates. It's fun to be with you but I don't say it 'cause I don't want you to take it in the wrong way but going out on a date does feel like a dream now. It would be great. But going public with our relationship, wouldn't it affect you and your career?" Your voice was a mix of worry and fear.

"My sweet girl, you should always tell me when you feel like going out. Don't shy away from me. You know we could have done this before. But no worries. And where my career comes, everyone knows that someday I have to settle down and have my own family. It is the right time for it to come. They will feel odd for a few days and eventually everything will go back to the same, yeah? Even if something happens, with you by my side, won't be that hard. I love you and would do anything to keep you close, y/n." He assured you.

"I love you too... And yeah let's do this. With you, everything is going to be alright," with happy tears in your eyes, you accepted the idea and planned everything.

♥

I couldn't believe it at all. It was scary but we both were desperate to be with each other outside of our apartments. Sneaking in and out of each others' apartments was becomes so frustrating. And now being apart from each other for more than a year, it felt like a fucking hell. Those last two months were filled with a lot of emotions and insecurities. My brain was continuously thinking about how his fans would react to me or if they will try to take him away from me. But Taemin held me, emotionally. He reassured me again and again and again. I always wonder why I deserve such a sweet and nasty guy. He does all these stupid things to make me laugh. You know it better than anybody else, diary. I found him at my lowest and he gave me enough strength to get up and make new dreams and work for them. After that my only dream was/is to be with him forever, never hurt him or let anybody hurt him. Seeing other idols disclosing their love life and getting way too much hate did scare me a lot. But with Taemin by my side, it all became a little less scary. The plan. His plan was very daring... and we needed Key's... help.

♥

"Keyyyyyyy hyuuuuuung. My love, how are you," Taemin sparked on the conference video call.

"Um, I don't get a really good vibe from this. But hi I'm fine, what about you and you, y/n?" Key asked with doubt.

"I'm fine Key, thank you," you smiled.

"Oky, listen to me, no hear me out," your man asked for key's attention.

"I knew it! you want something from me, you never call me with that much enthusiasm and that too on a conference call with y/n... Which, by the way, never happened before" you were a little embarrassed but for Taemin, you didn't end the call there.

"No! Why you are so like that!!!" You wanted to snort very bad at Taemin's poor attempt to save his sweet ass ego.

"Like what?" Key asked with a sarcastic dimply pout.

"Like... Like a mean typical woman!"

"Oky! but am I wrong?" Key dramatically gasped.

"...no...?" Taemin hesitated.

"What is it? And please be quick I have to go somewhere in like thirty minutes," key sighed.

Taemin told him the whole plan and he was confident. He just wanted to get over all of this hide and seek with his fandom and media. There were so many events where he wanted to go out with you, just somewhere other than your apartments.

"God! No!... Like you want me to do that? That's risky. Just think about it. And all the sudden gossip... Can you both handle that? And you, y/n, can you handle all that sudden hate?" You knew that key was overprotective over Taemin and he saw you like his own sister and he was worried for both of you especially Taemin since he was much sensitive. He didn't want him to get hurt at all. And he was indeed right. After all, you both appearing in public as a couple was a big deal and yes, the hate, there was going to be no end. Maybe people will be less harsh towards him but towards you, that was going to be the hardest time. You could already hear all the names they were going to call you.

"Hyung, I know you are worried and we also know the consequences but think about us. We are doing the same thing for the last six. We need to spice up our relationship. It's just we are tired of doing the same thing. It's no fun. Trust me, we love each other but we want to do stuff together with each other other than making food and laying on the couch watching movies or series. We want to go to the movies in theaters, go for a nice lunch or dinner, go to amusement parks, go on national trips or international trips, or maybe just go out for a casual walk on the streets and shopping and have ice cream. And just because of it, I haven't met y/n this whole time. Video calls are just not enough either. Please understand our situation, Hyung," Taemin was genuinely tired of hiding everything. He was tired of being afraid. He was tired of lying to everyone about his relationship status.

"I- you know that I know more than anyone besides you both, of course. Still, I feel like it's a quick decision... There are still two months left. Why don't you both think about it first and then tell me? If you both are actually ready to take all the hate then I can help..." He took a decent pause. "Y/n, you are smart so please don't do something stupid. This all can ruin your existing relationship as well." His voice carried huge emotions. That made your heart melt. You felt lucky that Taemin have such caring friends in his life.

You knew that Key was indirectly saying that you should think about it and find a less scary way to follow for your disclosure. He just didn't want his baby cheese to get hurt in any possible way. He wanted to protect him from the cruel world. When you both told him that you were dating, it took him a year to trust you with Taemin. He would look at you like you have dognapped his dogs.

"Key, I hear you. I'm very grateful that you care for us so much. And don't worry we will think about it," you gave him a warm smile.

♥

I was in deep thought after that. It was really hard to date an idol in the first place but I knew what I was getting into. There were times when I just wanted to move on and leave everything. But there is something in him. He is all I ever needed. He pulls me towards him so hard that there is no going back. I love him way too much. Taking this step was not hard. But we did consider key's thoughts. After Jonghyun, Key got more concerned about Taemin and it was understandable. He is the youngest and sensitive so Taemin definitely got more vulnerable and sensitive. When Jonghyun passed away, Taemin didn't tell anybody about you. It was already a bit over a year since we were dating. He just wanted to be sure about me. Which was totally acceptable. He would come to my apartment and cry for hours asking for his friend more like a brother to come back from heaven and to hug him as tightly as possible. I somehow worry about him more than I ever thought about doing it for anybody. The fact that we can not hang out, makes him think too much. It might sound like I am being too much and we can do much more at home too but just think about it, not being able to anywhere else with the person you are in love with, not even to buy ice cream. That does not sound good. It was like piling on all the fun stuff. It always felt like a failed arranged marriage, the only difference was that we didn't have any complaints from each other but the situation, the dating arrangements and we wanted a divorce from that situation. It was horrifying that how people follow idols everywhere, even when they are on their personal schedule. How people humiliate someone's dear privacy and make uncomfortable rumors. They don't know how they can make things uncomfortable between the two casual friends or even two best friends by making dating rumors which they spread like a virus in the air. At first, we thought about our privacy but then they spotted us somewhere and spread the word about us but luckily they couldn't take picture of my face. So I was known as an unknown gold digger. It was sad that people say that they get happy when their idol is happy but when they find someone with whom they want to create their own little world filled with happiness, they just start hating. Now, we discussed and thought about everything. It was a hard discussion but was worth it.

♥

On the present day (31 October 2022)

Your heart was thumping in your chest like a bass drum. The moment you woke up, started thinking about everything, 'how do Taemin look like after being apart for more than a year? Is he going to get nervous and not tell people about you two or worst ignoring you or just simply call you his sister and run away?' All the shitty kinds of questions started blurring your brain.

"Everything is going to be alright... Just take a deep breath..." You said to yourself.

You didn't prepare breakfast since your appetite was long gone swimming in the Pacific Ocean. But you did fill a gigantic travel mug with your favorite coffee on the go.

After getting ready you looked at your apartment. A part of you was extremely happy that now your favorite person will visit here from time to time and the place will look much warmer and it will feel like home, again. In the end, he's your home.

*KNOCK*

"Hi Key, come in. I just need to grab my phone and clutch bag," You opened the door and greeted Key.

"Hey, yeah sure. Take your time." He smiled.

"Btw, y/n, how do you feel about today? aren't you nervous? Because lemme tell you one thing I woke up covered in sweat." He dramatically widened his eyes.

"I know. I am nervous. But I also know that it's gonna be fine, hopefully," you nervously chuckled.

"I do too. And if something goes wrong, I'll try to protect you two. I don't say it but you two do make a good couple," Key was thankful. He liked the idea of both of you and Taemin.

"That is the sweetest thing you have ever said to me," you gasped and held his hand. "But I want to say thank you for supporting us and helping us. This is so, so sweet of you."

"Well, you are most welcome... I guess it's time to go and get our baby cheese back!" Key said with enthusiasm.

The ride was filled with nervousness. The more close you got, the more anxiety was rising.

When you reached your destination, there were so many reporters reporting the live updates about the whole homecoming situation. What hunted you the most was that there were Taemin's fangirls, holding his huge banners saying all the good stuff. Your heart was pounding so hard in your chest. A little bit of confidence you gained by doing those breathing exercises, was gone out of the window.

"Key... I don't think I can do this... Look at all those girls who came here to see him and support him. I can't break their hearts. It's hard, " your voice was filled with anxiety and it was trembling way too much than you would have appreciated.

"Listen, you can stay in the car, oky? Don't force yourself. But lemme tell you one thing that he has to start a life that is with you. So if not today, tomorrow you have to do it, even if it means breaking millions of hearts." Key's words were honest and his eyes were warm.

"I think, I'll- I'll stay here. You go and get him," you lowered your head. Key hummed and patted your head.

The people started coming out of the gate. Your eyes automatically started finding him. After a few minutes, there he was. Taemin was approaching the car with the biggest smile ever. Key got out to meet him. They were still at some distance.

You saw that Taemin asked something from Key and then after Key replied Taemin looked towards the car with a sad expression. You knew exactly what that look was for. It hurt you. You thought that he was willing to do this but then there was you who got scared and now sitting inside the car like looser instead of being there with your boyfriend after a year and a half. You should be holding him right now that he is just in front of your eyes and he is your boyfriend so you shouldn't be afraid of anything.

They say feelings can get the worst and at the same time best out of you. It was true. The hurt look on his face shattered your heart. He must be feeling betrayed, not wanting. Getting overwhelmed by the feeling, you got out of the car, standing there for a second to see his reaction.

His face lit up after seeing you standing outside. He dropped the stuff that he was holding and opened his arms for you. Not giving it a second thought, you ran towards him and hopped in his arms. He hugged you tight and swirled you in the air. Bringing you back to the ground he helped the stray hair to go back behind your ear and cupped your face. He then looked at your lips and kissed them, tenderly yet firm. There was hooting going around and you could hear some 'no's 'who is she's around you. But being in it with him didn't scare you.

"I missed you so much Taemin," your voice came out as an ugly high pitched cry voice. Taemin laughed his signature laugh.

"I missed you too, babygirl...You know there might be millions of girls or boys crushing over me but I found my 'one in the million'." He didn't know if he should be happy by the fact that you cared for his fans and didn't want to break their hearts. But on the other hand, he was disappointed because he wanted to show off. He wanted to show everyone that you are his the one and only. He was always overly proud of you. "Maybe I broke a ton of hearts today, but they will find their one in the million so don't worry... And they won't be able to live without me anyway..." He grinned.

"Why? Why wouldn't they live without you? Are you some sort of mineral, they can't live without?" You chuckled.

"Nah, because I'm Taemin" you both started laughing again. Your head fell back and Taemin took that chance to kiss your pulse. You made that 'ee' sound and laughed again.

He buried his face in the crook of your neck. And you held him close to you, clutching hard on his shoulder. For a while, you both forgot where you were. Just enjoying each other's touch after a long time. But Key's voice brought you back to the real world.

"Um, if you guys wanna get screwed then continue but I would rather go back home and be comfy. I mean the purpose of bringing y/n here is done... Taemin?" You and Taemin both knew that key was a little scared of the crowd and the fact everyone's attention was on them.

"I don't want to but oky," he said and booped your nose with his.

In the car, you both clung to each other.

"Oh my God. At least I should have brought another car for myself" key's sarcastic flat voice echoed in the car.

"Come on, Hyung. It's the first time after my enlistment. Let us enjoy a little," Taemin whined.

"Whatever," although he was being a little shit but everyone in the car knew he was happy. In the end, he was the one to whom both you and Taemin cried for hours, complaining about how bad you both wanted to feel each other.

♥

I have never been so happy before. He is everything I ever needed. Although, it didn't take much time for our social media to be flooded by the hate and supportive comments along with the pictures of us kissing and hugging. It felt weird at first, being a hot topic for people around the globe. Before today, not many people knew me, just family and friends and colleagues. So being on the top of every entertainment site, freaked me out. 'Who is she? How long have they been dating? Does she really like him or just another girl for money? Did Taemin just ditch all of the fangirls and boys around the world?' All of these questions were popping up on my social media. Taemin noticed. He took my phone away from me, said that it doesn't matter as long as we both are happy together. That gave me warmth inside my heart and much more strength to face the world, in the end, he was the one who is going to suffer a lot, so have to stand strong.

Along with hate, there were some best wishes as well. People supporting us. It is good to know that some people understand that an idol is a human too and may have to start a life with someone. People who understand that fact, are the greatest. Moving on. We didn't come home directly, obviously, but we went to their company. He had to do the v-live. Now, he couldn't ignore the questions about us. So more than him my blood pressure was high. I was so nervous. It was just hard to step into the building.

♥

Your heart was thumping harder than before. The looks you were getting in his music company were confusing. Some were congratulating, some looked at you weirdly, some congratulated but their expressions were totally different.

"Here is set up, there you are going to sit. The makeup girl will come in a sec for touch-ups and then we can start," the organizer informed.

Taemin was so calm and on the other hand, you were just a mess. He was getting all kinds of looks but he still managed to talk properly but you were bothered. It was your first time in his company, that too made a huge difference.

After getting his makeup and some basic rehearsal done, they started the v-live. You open his stream on your phone, keeping in mind to turn off the volume. The comments were flooding in. Some people were welcoming him. Some were talking about you both. Some said it was fake, which was not true. Some didn't know about what other people were talking about "his relationship". Some people were explaining in the comments.

People were saying inappropriate stuff. Some were asking him to leave you because you were behind his money, not him. It all made you sad and hurt. These comments could blur Taemin's mind. He could get the wrong idea and--

"Yes! I'm indeed in a relationship. I'm sorry that I didn't mention it before but we are dating for six years now. And it is going so perfectly. She is so beautiful, kind, soft, smart, and what not? She is like a dream package. She is that dream girl about whom I dreamed about when I was single. She is like a pillar, always supporting me. I can't find anyone else. She is all I need in my whole life. Well, she is my whole life. And I want you people to know that she deserves a lot of respect. If you do, then you are my true people,'' Taemin said this while looking into your eyes. It felt like he knew about your rising insecurities. He gave his warmest smile that relaxed you. He is your best chill pill.

♥

That was the sweetest thing. He asked people to respect me. Can you believe that? He is such a goofy person and then he says something like this *scoffs* are you kidding me! It's like winning a lottery from fate. But no seriously, having a man who thinks about me and ask people to be nice to me is actually the most romantic thing. People like him are rare and I am lucky that I have him. Today, was a long day, filled with a lot of different emotions. Seeing Taemin after so long was just the best.

Then we went to our respective apartments. We didn't want to leave each other so soon but his friends organized a little welcome back dinner party. His friends asked him to bring me along after they saw him ''shoving his tongue down my throat", as his friends said. Only Key, Minho, and Jinki knew about us before. They were always nice to me. Taemin said he was still going to bring me there, even if they have not invited me there.

♥

"This is for Taemin's return and him dating y/nnnnn! Cheers!!!" His friends made a toast speech. All of you took a shot of Soju.

"Ah! Seeing all of you at the time is so good. There, everyone was new, I was dying to see you all at the same time," Taemin exhaled, almost dramatically.

"You were dying to meet us or..." One of his friends gestured towards you. And then he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Ah! I almost died waiting for this day to come and hold my y/n," Taemin places his hand on your thigh and gave it a nice squeeze, and you returned the gesture by placing your hand on his thigh.

"Ohhhkkyyy, so you didn't even think about us, huh? Such a mean friend," the other one joked.

"Oh come on! Why would he? When he was waiting to meet such a beauty," the one beside Taemin spoke up.

"Oky! Enough with the teasing, we are here to celebrate Taemin's return and not to tease him and his girlfriend," it was the first time Key called you Taemin's girlfriend and it sounded so natural and sweet. You wanted everyone to call you Taemin's girlfriend. It felt right that way.

"Oky! Grandpa..." They said. The restaurant filled with laughter. It was nice to sit here with his friends after a long day, at least they didn't call you names or ask Taemin to leave you.

The dinner went great. Everybody enjoyed being with you. It was time to leave, you said your goodbyes to all of his friends. You wanted to thank Key for his part of the plan.

"Key?" You stopped and called him.

"Yes, y/n." He waited.

"I- Key, you have done a lot for us. I just want to say thank you. I mean, you were the one who took me there and took permission from the upper hand. Like otherwise it was equal to getting Taemin fired from the band and the company, but you handled that part for us. I don't know how you did that, it was obvious that they are hard to handle but you still managed to do that. Just thank you so, so much," you were on the urge of crying. It was beautiful that you were able to be with Taemin, other than your or his apartment. Then you felt Taemin's arm on the small of your back.

"She is right, Key Hyung. It wasn't possible without you. Because of you, we are here, standing with all of you in public," Taemin was equally happy as you were. This whole time, his smile touched his eyes.

"Mhm, listen, I am deeply happy for you two. Doing all this might seem hard for you but for me it was easy. You see, I'm The Key," everyone chuckled. "But you both are most welcome. I'm always there for you two kids. Just stay happy forever," he gave his blessings.

"You both can lean on us as well. We also want to be there for two of you when needed," Minho and Jinki insisted.

"Sure, Hyungs. Thank you for everything," Taemin said.

"Now it's late, go back to your places and get some rest, it was a long day for you and y/n. And y/n thank you for always taking care of our Taemin when we were not around," Jinki thanked.

"You are too nice, Jinki. Your welcome," you gave him the warmest smile.

Taemin came to your apartment, that night. The moment you entered the apartment, he started kissing you. Cheeks, forehead, temple, nose, chin, jaw, finally your lips. He stayed at your lips a little longer.

"My lips were dying to feel yours. Do you know how hard it was for me to be there without you? Every single day felt like torture," Taemin whispered in your ears, and then he kissed your ear lobe and sucked at your weak spot, just below your ear. A moan escaped from your throat.

"Taemin," a breathless voice came.

"Y/n, I want you in all ways. Please," he whined. "It's been more than a year and I miss you so much. Please be with me, don't go anywhere just be with me tonight, please," he asked and started kissing your neck and only went lower on your body.

"Take me, Taemin. I'm all yours," you were already worked up. All this time, you were frustrated. You both always complained about it. But there was no way to help it.

He did what he said. He took you in all possible ways. Still, it was not enough. But now laying in each other's warmth, admiring all the love bites you gave each other, was the perfect thing.

"Taemin?"

"Hmm," he kissed your forehead.

"Are you tired?" You kissed his shoulder.

"A little. Why? Do you wanna go for another round?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

"No! Silly" you laughed and lightly smacked his chest. "I want to take a bath with you... Will you take a bath with me?" You made your best puppy eyes.

"Of course, I will," he kissed your head.

"Wait here lemme prepare it for you," you demanded.

"Yes, ma'am" you both chuckled.

You took a good ten-fifteen minutes to prepare the bath. Giving the final touches, you called Taemin to come into the bathroom.

His mouth fell open when he saw the bathroom. The nice aroma of lavender with a hint of citrus played with his nose. The bathroom was lit with candles and there was a lavender-scented candle too. The album 'cigarettes after sex' was playing in the background on the record player. The bathtub was filled with milky lavender water with some dried lavender in it.

"So this is why to brought that huge glass of milk in here?" Taemin smiled. Stepping towards him, you wrapped your naked body around his naked one. Direct contact with his body was something you would never get tired of.

"Mhm," you smiled when your face fell flush against his chest. "Shall we get in?"

"Yeah."

He hugged you from behind, your head resting on his shoulder. You tilted your head to steal some kisses from him, he was more than happy to give you. The warmth of his body mixed with the nice and warm water in the tub relaxing every single muscle in your body felt just right. He kept on kissing you on your shoulder, neck, behind your neck, ear, side of your cheek, hair, and would tilt your head to capture your lips.

"I want to pause the time forever. I never wanna go anywhere else but your warm arms, Taemin" your eyes were closed, enjoying the moment.

"Neither do I. I wanna stay in your arms too. Feel your body weight on me. That's the happy place for me," he just couldn't stop kissing you. He did indeed wait for this day for a long time.

"Silly little thing," you chuckled.

"Y/n?"

"Hmm."

"I love you a lot... There is no word which can express it..." He again kissed your lips.

"I love you too..." you nuzzled your head in the crook of his neck. The smile never left your lips.

♥

I do love him more than he can ever imagine. I think he was extremely tired today. After the bath, the moment his head touched the pillow, he was fast asleep. He is just cute. I just wanna spend my whole life with him. But I'm so excited, knowing that I'm gonna propose to him for marriage this weekend, I just can't sleep because of all the excitement. The day is not that far...

Y/n.

. . . . .

Sanaa's note:

FINALLY!!! A Taemin fiction. Writing about our baby 🧀 was fun. I mean, I was scared to post this one but thanks to @tenelkadjowrites for giving my whiny ass enough strength to post it. Thank you😩... And do let me know if you liked it! Last but not least, the behavior of all the characters is visualized.

*The original picture is not mine. I only edited it*

Just so you know, I was talking about this playlist.

Tag list:

@taemin-jaemin

Have a nice day/night💓

#taemin #lee taemin #taemin fluff #taemin angst #shinee #taemin x reader #shinee key #shinee kibum #shinee taemin

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moonstarsolar96 · 3 years

Text

Bohemian Rhapsody

MoonstarSolar

Warning

The moral right of the author has been asserted. All rights reserved. This story is published subject to the condition that it shall not be reproduced or retransmitted in whole or in part, in any manner, without the written consent of the copyright holder, and any infringement of this is a violation of copyright law.

A single copy of the materials available in this story may be made, solely for personal, noncommercial use. Individuals must preserve any copyright or other notices contained in or associated with them. Users may not distribute said copies to others, whether or not in electronic form or in hard copy, without prior written consent of the copyright holder of the materials. Contact information for requests for permission to reproduce or distribute materials available through this course are listed below:

Email: [email protected]

Discord: MoonstarSolar#7479

Disclaimer

This is a work of fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents in this book are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

••••

Synopsis

Bohemian Rhapsody depicts the story of Penelope and Sev, who have a love-hate relationship between the two of them. Sev is the most self-obsessed, narcissistic, jerk she has ever met. He's her boss, yes, but she won't let him ruin her career, even her day. Sev is the co-founder and CEO of Grey Holdings. He is one of the richest businessmen and also one of the youngest billionaires in the whole world. He was featured in Spring Magazine's Top Person of the Year. Steven Grey may look like a nice person, but deep down, he's a bad boy. He never fails to make Penelope's life a living hell as soon as they meet. He likes to taunt her. He likes to tease her. He wants to own her. He became obsessed with her.

Chapter 1: Is this the real life?

I have been an intern at Grey Holdings for exactly a year. I was surprised to learn that I had been promoted to be the supervisor of the team. Linda, one of my co-workers, ran up to me and hugged me as she congratulated me on having the promotion.

"I'm so happy that we're on the same team!" she happily said and hugged me tighter, swaying our bodies from side to side as I tried to untangle her curly blonde hair from the rim of my glasses.

"Thanks, Linda. I am also happy that I can now show my mom this black calling card!" I showed her my calling card that I got earlier that our senior supervisor gave me.

We have three colors for three types of calling cards. The white ones are for lower-ranked employees like interns. The black ones are for higher ranks, like supervisors. And the gold ones are for the CEO, CFO, and COO.

Grey Holdings Inc. is one of the biggest, and also the best companies in the whole world. Our company is the parent company of Samseong, Hyeondae, and many more. The company even owns an expensive hospital--Grey Medical Center. If you're wondering, a holding company is a company that owns the outstanding stock of other companies. A holding company usually does not produce goods or services itself. Its purpose is to own shares of other companies to form a corporate group.

I really love everything about the company. We have a world-class lobby that looks like you're in a five-star hotel. We have a big cafeteria where the pantries are always full and anything that you like will be free and it wasn't even deducted from your salary. We also have a room where we can rest and take a nap.

"Penelope, I need you at my office now," my boss, Mr. Cohen, called. I excused myself from Linda's nonstop embrace and headed to my boss' office door.

"Come on," I heard him say. "Here is your new company ID, company phone, company laptop, and your new payslip." Mr. Cohen handed me all of the things that I needed to start my new journey in life. I am now an official employee of Grey Holdings Inc.

I have never been this happy in my entire life.

I am so happy, I feel like I'm on cloud nine.

But not until I met the worst person inside this huge building.

Steven Grey. The youngest, the prettiest *gags*, and the richest CEO of the company. His company became the fastest-growing company of the year. In just a few years, his business boomed, and he managed and held a large number of stock investments from other big companies and investors. It was all because of Steven Grey's hard work.

Linda has been a huge fan of the guy since she first stepped foot in this company until now.She never fails to fantasize about him, though she had a boyfriend. I told her that John was much prettier than Mr. Grey, but she gave me a horrifying look when I said that.

All of my other female officemates agree with Linda. They think of him as a God. But not me.

The guy is so self-obsessed. He can't function whenever he can't see his face in the mirror when going out of his office and going for an interview. He also can not stop himself from avoiding issues with himself and some other girls that he dated.

People are so fond of him, and he likes the attention.

Ever wonder why I hate him so much, I could die?

He was one of my college friends back then.

And yes, we had a past.

I was a scholar at Grey's Foundation back in high school. When I became a college student, I got an offer from Grey's Academy. That's where I met him and became friends with him.

He was the first one to talk to me back then, when literally, all of my schoolmates and classmates bullied me every time I stepped my foot on the marbled tiles of the school's entrance.

Sev--I mean Steven, helped me by threatening all of the bullies to stop harassing me or else they would be expelled and he would make sure that they'd never get into any universities.

They somehow stopped one day, and I was very thankful for that.

We became friends and I got into the same circle as him. We had some mutual understanding back then, but it all vanished when I learned that he and his friends played a bet on me.

His best friend, Noah, told me and I got mad. I was really thankful that there was Noah. He's always by my side. Noah became my best friend when Steven kicked him out of his group of friends.

And since then, the bullies continued to harass me again and again, until I transferred to another university because of their actions.

Steven just watched me get bullied and turned his back on me. Noah remained at Grey's Academy because his father wouldn't let him transfer to my school because it's for 'poor' people.

I lost contact with Noah and my other friends when I transferred, so I've decided to live a new life. Away from the bullies, and away from Steven Grey.

Whenever we saw each other in the company, I always turned my back first and ran away from him. I hate him even though I work for him. I am running away from him because I'm so scared he might break me again like what he did to me in college.

Whenever we saw each other, I was so confused because he was looking at me like he missed me, or did he not? My heart thumps louder whenever we make eye contact.

This day was the first time we got to be together in one room. Mr. Cohen introduced me to him as the new supervisor of the team.

But we were all surprised when Mr. Steven Grey started speaking. "Mr. Cohen, I'd like her to be my secretary."

To be continued...

#ceo #original story #novel writing #novelist #light novel #fiction #mafiaromance #romance

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wordsofcleo · 3 years

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Lost a “friend”.

My “friend” of 10 years got cut out of my life the other day. This is what happened:

She knows that I was sexually assaulted in 2013. In fact, after my assault, another woman (whom was handicapped) was assaulted and my “friend” was the first person to tell me. She knew the girl very well. In fact, the girl was a client of hers she said. It was heartbreaking that this piece of garbage (the assaulter) was going around hurting more people and stealing from more lives. As if one, me, wasn’t enough. But my “friend” knew this. She has talked me through so many hard times and supported me emotionally. She has given me confidence boosts and been the sister I never had. I thought our friendship was real, but I was wrong.

I have been mostly inactive on social media lately (Facebook by majority) because I made a choice to be away back in July-ish. It was becoming a threat to my mental wellness, but also, I had how disconnected and fake it all is. Well, recently I decided to log back into Facebook and give it a look. This came after a LONG depression spell. I was getting lonesome, very lonesome. I realized that being alone to myself is nice, but I was also dealing with other things in my personal life, which all at once made it very lonely and difficult. So I hopped on... And what I saw triggered me into a catastrophic meltdown.

I saw that she’d thrown her 21 year old niece a birthday party. Fine, cute, dandy. Then I started to see that my “friend” had been sitting across from...the rapist. The one that assaulted me. Eating at a nice restaurant across from him. At the niece’s birthday party. I saw short, fast clips with him there in the background. He is hard to miss. Any time I get a glimpse of that person, my stomach churns six times in a row and a fireball forms in my chest because there is no way in hell he should still be walking around freely. So then I push forward to investigate. Why was he there? Why was my friend involved with him/around him? I find out that the niece is dating the rapist. They both know he’s a rapist, and I’m sure the entire family knows that also. So why in the fuck is she putting herself in that position?

Immediately, all I could do was rage fury. My body suddenly felt tingly and static. I knew I was losing my grip of reality/grounding and I was slipping into a PTSD flare. I was crying, panicking, breathing rapidly and my heart rate excelled. All I could see was flashes of the rapist and the possibility of him hurting my “friend’s” niece. Another one on his bucket list. There were so many things flashing through my head and all I could feel was my body blacking out. I felt nausea like I would throw up, like maybe my heart would stop all together, and I felt rage. I couldn’t see anything in front of me really. According to my partner, I punched the humidifier in our house. Then he suggested I stick my head in the freezer because that’s what I do if I have a hard time breathing / laugh too hard / get too panicked. It helps me breathe. When I did that, I apparently punched a bag of frozen meat. Only then did I really “come to” because the pain was awful. I could fully feel and be aware again. I am pretty sure I broke my last 2 knuckles on the right hand, but I never went to get an x-ray or anything, so I can’t know for sure. My hand is still in pain, but not as bad. The knuckles went from black/purple to yellowish now, so it’s good they’re healing anyway. The point is... this triggered something very bad for me. It’s in those moments that I don’t know what could happen to me. I’m not there.

I waited until the next day to reach out to my “friend” so that I could be somewhat calm. She turned it around on me by saying “I never would have expected this from you”. She said that she knows who my rapist is and she isn’t dumb and does not involve herself with him. No matter what I said, she had an excuse. I let her know that I’m fully aware she can’t choose who her niece dates, but she CAN choose who she wants to be around. Not even that was enough, though. The excuses went on. I was so heartbroken by the end of our conversation that I just told her she was right, because that’s clearly what she wanted and it was not going anywhere any other way. I will not speak to her ever again, use her services (she is a hair stylist), or involve myself with her. She showed her true colors. I cut her out.

PS: I must add this note. A few weeks prior to this situation, my “friend” was listing some used furniture for sale at her dad’s place. She was just moving back into town (which I was very happy about at the time) and was going to stay with him until she got her own place or whatever. I guess doing him a favor by cleaning out his shed. Cool. She posted a piece of furniture that I really wanted, so I asked for it. Said I could have it and pick it up any time. I arranged a time, but sent my partner to go pick it up since he had the muscles and space in his vehicle. When he loaded it up, he had contact with the rapist. The rapist was there. Keep in mind, my partner had never seen the rapist in person. He had only seen a picture of him once, and heard of my story many times. He texted me immediately, “I think that your rapist is here but I can’t be sure. I don’t know if it is or not.” He had already left with the furniture by the time that I got the message. I texted my friend to ask. She confirmed it would have been the rapist. “Oops, I didn’t even think to tell you,” she said, something like that. “He does some work here and there for my dad because no one else will. I didn’t put two and two together that you could possibly run into him.” ..................Wow. Case closed.

This is why I am currently having such a difficult time healing and getting past my PTSD. Every time I turn around, I’m to be reminded of my trauma. I have been in therapy for so many years of my life and jumped through all the hoops. But the truth of the matter is, I cannot heal where I got sick. And it’s time to get away from this retched place.

9/15/2021

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threenorth · 3 years

Text

Tw dentist, blood doctors and maybe more i don't know it's ment to be a vent...ptsd horror I don't fucking know... Just leave I've warned you enough.. You can read whatever you fucking want.

Here's a vent that might take you forever to see, and i guess that's how it goes now.

To whoever finds me in my state of mind where there is only me and my battles of my own mind.

Thanks for what i assumed was coming to wish my happy birthday, i guess now it's not you, i thought id come clean and then to see you say you didn't know...

God i hate anons. Y'know? Can't they just tell us who they fucking are...and if i find out it's you later I'm going to more hurt, but i can take the hurt.

I will never do any of those things. It hurts you think I would, i got really fucked up a few weeks ago from everything that's happened this year and I'm haunted from a kiss, I've had to suppress my sexual activetly around you incase it brought you truma, so I found photos of things i thought was attractive and ultimately being undiagnosed autisc i guess there's alot I've had to learn the past 3 years... Let alone 7...everyday is beautiful and i face my demons and I'm winning some fights but now I've lost my reason to fight them, when i went to the gym and i can't do another push up i tell myself one more because it's a step closer to being able to pick you up and carry you over the line, not to do the other things you say.

But it's hard when all you can see is the other side of the coin, I thought id show you how much you mean to me, I don't think you should move away from the things, I just wanted to show you that i could of reached out but when i did it was only in an emergency... Your voice calms my seas like nothing else, now all i had was repeats of things that you said i guess now I'll have to live with your new words being painful ones...

I want to rebuild us, but now it's gone.

We need to talk, but we never can be on the same page, time is foward's and backwards you face your last battles because of me, i face mt first because I finally was brave enough to try ask for help because of you.

i guess we're both in bad places but i said i would get hurt for you, i want you to clear your plate but i guess i'm adding to it, but it only get better... Well for one of us...

but everytime it's a fight now, i tried to come to help at the time i saw what i thought was your sign for help. now i feel like no face from spirited away just another soul.

You once told me you wish people would fight over you, yeah little did you know then i wanted you but it seems you later we did too.

But i remember everything, about you it's taking up my memory because everything i choose to do, it's about you.

But I'll leave my socials how they are, if you want in my brain your find the fragments from June 2014 to September 2021, each blog post one thing in it was about you or something in my day.

If you want to find me, you know where I can be found.

In my letters i apologise for my actions, to everyone and try to talk to them.

I wanted to get to know them, but i guess i never will be able to either.

I even tell your father that i would always have an account for you with 5000 dollars it in so you can always go wherever you need to go.

I tell your father to exchange letters with your mother, where i tell her it would be nice to have Brunch with her.

I'm not a perfect person, but everyday i try to get my life back and every crossroad has your name on it.

Your wish is my command,

I hope you remember one thing from me.

I always tried my best for you, even if i knew at some stage your find out... I'm just sorry that I can't build a freindship with you when you mean so much to me aswell...

So herd about the police call.yeahhh that one was pretty bad but...

Did you know i called a safe shelter for you to ask pricing that i would of paid for?

I was loosing my mind but i said i would do anything so i guess my anything is walking away once more because that's what's asked, I want you to know I'm proud of you, your doing an only fans, the girl who told me she didn't want to wear a bikini because she was scared about her scars.

You truly are as beautiful as i saw, even if you didn't see it.

I guess i will never be able to be what i want to be, you are only person I've ever felt remotely anything for who understood me when my words don't work for anyone, but even when i didn't speak the ones i wanted you knew i suffered, yes i did but your voice heals my voids and makes me feel alive and now that I'm finally coming back all i want is you to sing to me, like i sung to you.

I'm ruined and broken, but to see you smile it's something that warms my heart like nothing I've felt.

I wrote about everytime i saw your face i saw the truma of the horror movie trailer, i saw your face and the horror on the screen, the lights the horror I couldn't do it because all i saw was you suffering.

I called the hospital twice and because i wasn't in harm to myself they didn't care, but i still kept my promise to you not to self harm, they didn't ask if I felt like it oh i surely did but i couldn't break a promise and see you in tears.

Do i want to die? Everyday my life without you.

Will I? No because everyday is full of pain i can feel again because of you,this sounds awful but the pain of having a good job because i remained here because of you.

I tell you father that we don't have much but he can take my life, and take it for every cent because it doesn't mean anything to me every paycheck i tried to save some money to help you out, and now i got new costs that i didn't plan on since my meltdown...

I will tell you many things but this one was supposed to be a surpise... In 2014 i asked someone if he wanted to help me make a song.

Some how being ignorant, he posted some of my songs lyrics to a website called something awful forum.

Eventually someone got in contact with me anf told me he did but something magical happened that a kiwi guy saw the song and put chords on it.

He modified it a little but in turn i could enter s contest for song lyrics, i came third.

Here's my song performance by nitton.

I would check the mail everyday hoping for a post card, but I've bounced around the place so many times that part would would say it's in the lost mail section of the post office.

I made this song when i first saw your smile and it melted me away but I told myself not to talk to you because you were younger than me but we became freind's then you became my best freinds then you became my lover then we broke apart then somehow because that's our relationship we met face to face, i left to suffer in my mental state or never being able to have you ever and try do college and now i rebuild my puzzle and piece I'm looking for is around your neck, you are my final piece, i knew you were special to me, but i hadn't known how special you would be...and still are.

She asked me how I was and i said good.

I lied to protect the ones you love.

I lied to survive another day to see you.

The days we didn't talk had been the hardest on me and now the days i talk to you are the hardest on you.

My problems fly away when i see your smile.

I wished it could be everyday forever...

But it keeps falling to pieces.

I have missing pecies but i don't notice my faults when you are with me i feel whole and complete.

Maybe the fault was the stars i saw in your eyes.

Maybe i am the pain I feared i was, i would tattoo my face to change it so all you can see is me but i grew my hair out like I've wanted and i grew my beard out needs a bit of trim but i wanted to show you that i have changed things have changed alot for me just as much as you.

But every wind blow in my hair feels like your hands in my hair...

I went to the dentist, got a clean done and this is hard on anyone but for me the sounds are so much worse being autisc, and then getting two cavities, i was in pain suffering from all the times I've had prior but I found peace in my pain reminding me I'm alive i felt your arm holding my hand, telling me everything will be okay and I let go of my pain and suffering from dentists and still hate the sound but...

I went for my covid injection, i had a mental issue on the way there but i didn't feel my pain you told me that I was okay and this is a new chapter for me.

In the day after talking to the people across the country. I had been in hospital, they had taken my blood i asked for not having a nerve block on my arm maybe it was the anti-pychs but i didn't really feel it this time, my nurse (male) was. Named the same as one of my bully's, the only one to apologise to me for making my life hell.

I don't feel pain anymore, but I do feel remorse and regret i guess i'm finally a man but a man in progress as I'm awaiting to tell them about my pain and suffering I've been through to maybe get meds. Everyday I wake up since 2014 and think i hope your okay, but i saw your face and the horror on the screen your face causes me pain but i can take it and eat it away until my demise of being bullied one night in a bar, I'm glad i didn't do anything stupid but i sure as hell felt it but then i remember that my job would be in jeopardy.

I never planned coming back to Colorado unless i need to and if that means wearing a gps tracker your see the only place i would go would be to the amc, the place my life begun and ended within minutes of each other, i might go up on that rock and scream out that I'm such a fuck up.

If i become famous in my song writing, i told myself I'd never tour colorado.

I would give you every grain of truth but when you say yours I'm in tears you think I'm capable of those things, I'm still haunted by our kiss.

Didn't he tell you that? I said i didn't ask permission to kiss you.

What do you think that means?

I had my rules for being with you and i started horrible habits to deal with my other parts.

I've given that up many moons ago, but you can't be here to believe me, my words feel powerless and weightless because you can't see my world, i see yours through a tinted widow that's how we are.

My words are often misconception and miskewed...

You may never understand my disabilities or my issues I face daily, I don't even know if I'm going to be able to drive yet... but i face them because you gave me hope for better things to come on my hardest days.

I tell you that i would of searched and this comes across like that word you use.. No I'm trying to say that i said would of looked everywhere for you, you are so fucking special to me, you don't have a fucking idea how special.

but you right where i left you, you are the best thing i saw in co, you are the best thing to happen to me in 27 years including college graduation and maybe even being told i would be hired full time... Maybe your be lucky enough to get a full time job.

I told him that every line there would be she can shortcut the line, he didn't even budge to see the lie when i named your demons with one being a lie, he doesn't fucking care about you the way i do, he can't even give a shit to make a fucking comprise on diet for you, you have dated him for 5-6 years. He's a complete douche bag.

He's never going to understand your hints..you see for me i had to analyse every word and every phrase and every gesture to try understand you and i failed to see the ones when you got broken.

I failed to see the time you were trumantised, but you saw me suffering and you made me feel at ease, but i opened my eyes to soon why couldn't you tell me it was over, why couldn't you see that..because you like horror and I've hated it...

that comes across like s- so fucking be it, i know more about you then most people.

I want what's best for you so i guess what's best for you now is that i never get to tell you that I've thought about you everyday expect once, for 7 years.

I guess I'll never tell you how in my darkest hours you push me.

I guess I'll never tell you that i would marry you on my best days and my worse days.

I guess your never find out what you want to know because I've offered to try mend but all I do fucking bend.

I said it once but ill change my words.

I don't know if it's me, well now i know its not.

I hope who ever it is you choose they at least have the fucking desire to learn everything they can.

And maybe they might understand how to ground people in the right way, and not tell them that reailty was wrong, i know you and i don't know what he knew about me, but he could of asked me anything.

In my letter to him i had planned to tell him you should of put a god damn ring on that finger i felt i should of many years ago but I couldn't, can't you see we had to do college and all this other shit...

Within 3 months of dating you i would of asked...

He's had fucking 5-6 years 3-4 more years with you then i ever did, he's a fucking idiot.

But if you love him, go ask him to marry you and don't wait for your fucking mental ex to come back,but you did... You waited for the perfect man I'll tell you I'm not perfect but I've made peace that I'm not, i just wanted to hold you in my arms as i cry on the days i think my pillow is you.

You say you threw out my favourite t-shirt.

I have to believe that, you say many things...

I would of asked for your hand a few months ago but didn't see the laws regarding that marriage is that i have to be in mountains , and file a record to the courts but if i return to mountains i know I'll be shackled more then i have been prior in my mental health.

If you needed blood on a surgery it's a shame I'm the same type,they may tell me it's risky to give more than a certain ammout but i would tell them to risk everydrop for you, i wonder if we're kidney matches, because i would give you my kidney.

If you wanted the moon i would find a way to legally name a crater for you, i wish i had more money to pay your surgery in full, but if you were here my medical insurance would cover most of it.

I would do anything for you and i guess the one thing you can't get from me is the thing you will get. A painful memory that when i tried my best to rebuild my life again and hearing you speak to me i should of just left you alone but I couldn't help it all I've ever done and wanted was to be yours, I wanted a tech job paying well to look after you i wanted to be in San Francisco we both loved the bay. If you need anything at all, i won't provide it because it's already been given you gave me my life and it belongs to you, you can do whatever you want to it. You want it gone so hes.

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pokefanbri · 4 years

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I got in touch with my 1st love a couple months ago..hes a half native American & white dude, pretty pudgy now like triple the size of himself in middle school lol. Doesn't have much time left on this earth I feel for him, im glad I know now cause if I hadn't it probably would've been alot more devastating. Doesnt have to wear a mask cuz really whats the point. We met for coffee, got to hang out at the mall & he visited my work, we did talk & clear the air..got some things out that were left unsaid & i gotta say it really did help & we're better for it 😊 we're now cool & no hard feelings.

We used to be on & off in hs but the last time I broke it off with him for good reasons & also due to my mother 😒 If it weren't for him & our own experiences, & then every guy since...I would've have known how much I really love or attached I can be to someone (which has been all of them really but does disintegrate over time & going into new relationships they become just a distant memory as the yrs go by & then ur all about the new guy 🤔 basically right) or how unattached I can get when I just dont love them anymore...(of which has only happened twice)

For the record I've had 5 relationships my whole life...not counting flings..out of 2 they broke up with me.. & they so happen to be the ones i fell hard & fast for...its a common theme but they are the best ones I've experienced & I think I have a confirmed type now that I think about it lol. Im thinking too much again, but..they're top tier unforgettable.

I fell damn fucking hard this time around just like I did Thomas..don't think I got enough of him either...😤 seriously wtf is it with these charming & hilarious, headstrong, smart ass, string bean, stoner, Leo men fucking my heart up after only a few months time! What is the universe trying to tell me! I swear to God in another lifetime they would've been friends its an incredible likeness. History repeated itself it seems..I was so in love with him too, we were only 19 but omg he was awesome & we were ALL OVER EACHOTHER 🤤. He was my coworker, a red headed skinny bobblehead tho, & lived in my apt complex his best friend Danny boy did too in his own, hard core Call of Duty players I remember they high jacked my tv for optimum experience...😒 walking the tv across the parking lot was super sketchy looking lol.

Anyway after Thomas broke up with me for saying the L word "too soon" it freaked him out I guess & my brain cracked from the devastation...doctors are convinced it was the weed 😒 and apparently I ODd on Tylenol...crock of bs btw but whatever...i couldn't sleep & for days I was in a haze til I finally called my aunt for help & all of a sudden I was locked away in a psych ward for 2 weeks so they could observe what was wrong & diagnose me. Had to quit pima college & stop working, put everything on hold for my health. After I came back, Tom admitted he wanted me back but he hated my 1st love with a passion. I confessed I was back with my 1st as he was there at my side & visiting..when Tom had no idea where tf I was, me missing worried him sick. I had no clue & for all I knew he forgot about me while I was grieving over us in the hospital (I couldn't have my phone..knew a select few #s by heart otherwise he would've been the 1st I'd call), I was still dazed & super fucked up from the hospital..just outright exhausted when Thomas came to my apartment wanting to try again....yea I messed that up though regretfully. I told him the truth...I know it hurt him, hurt me too. Never saw Thomas again 😔 he was my 2nd, wonder how he is.

After I broke up with my 1st there was like a 1 or 2 month relationship with a fat Irish dude named Patrick I met from college, he insulted my mom..kicked his ass the curb 😂 yea she chased him away too just like my 1st...but an Irish version..was kinda a deadbeat anyway good riddance. I was alone for about 5 years after that til eventually met my ex-husband matt & was with him for technically 7 years & then that ended.

Long story short I was hit with another love bomb over the past year (T2.0 lol) & the fallout is taking forever to disapate lol...well good technically I don't want it to yet lmao, it feels good to love someone with a full heart except for the fact they ain't here 😔

I love genuinely & with a full heart, ive never had a problem with love, except for my abusive mother I sought approval for....never have I been with someone that didnt want it...didn't want me, until him. If someone shows that to me in a relationship it hurts me at the roots, u don't understand how much it brings out that little girl that just wants to be loved back..to be wanted. It hurts to think im not even worth that. I realize though that he may have his own issues to get past first b4 he can learn to give it back & its not my fault. I should on some things honestly but I don't blame him..not anymore. I blame my own trauma that made me so fucking sensitive & off-putting to him, going from 1 relationship to another without healing first, & not knowing how to function walking on eggshells around a new person trying not to piss them off...not knowing how to do a fresh relationship from the start again....when you've been with 1 person prior for 7 yrs.

I grew up being beaten as a kid, I have no father, my mother chose drugs over her own children, everybody in my family arent like a hallmark card far from it...its fucking tucson ok it's a hell hole. A good amount are notorious for causing trouble around the city, nobody talks to eachother..stays away & fends for themselves, or just killing themselves with drugs & selfishly hurting people around them. Very few of us are really trying to make it out & create life for ourselves but it's really hard to escape because we're all struggling. I cry because I've been strong for way too long on my own, I cry when I think im not good enough. Besides some relationships & friendships along the way for support guess who's always taken care of herself to survive, yours truly. It's a huge accomplishment that I've never been homeless, only a couple times have I had to rely on a friend or family member for a roof over my head & that was just 2020-2021,boy is it good to have connections during a pandemic phew, alot more tough to find someone willing to help. My big sis Lisa, my mentor assigned to me at 12 yrs old cuz my mom couldn't be a real parent lol...she says im a strong princess thats gone through hell & back, she's seen me do it countless times, she can attest to how much of a boss & survivor I am...she knows I deserve nothing but to be appreciated,respected, valued. I'm underestimated all the time because apparently people think they can read what kinda person I am just by looking at me or by word of mouth, hell no very doubtful screw u lol... i don't need anybody's belittling opinions of what kind of person I am ok, how about talk to me & ill see if u in the ballpark lol cuz I guarantee im a boss ass goody 2 shoes that can kick butt 😊. So listen here, I know my worth & I deserve a prince to keep me safe from the big bad world right? I need an actual shoulder to cry on not someone that'll walk away when I need them most 😔 Why tf do I feel like rapunzel & all I get is fuckin Flynn 😂 I'm a queen ok, hear me now.

This will be my 3rd own rented apartment. The 1st time I was a teen & imancipated...had that place for a few years 1st & 2nd love era, 2nd time was the escape from my mother as an adult & I moved away eventually got married. And now at another turning point in my life... escaping a very different hell & losing pretty much everything including the man that started it all, 3rd time is the charm right. Fuck my life sidewinder style. Honestly this is the best apartment complex I've found that I want as my home....its gated nothing can touch me from outside unless I say so, so at least im secure to a point.

Why am I talking and not sleeping 😐 I'm tired, it's 5am now. Yeaaaaa I'm done 💤

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