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punkwithpaints · 4 years

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The Rammstein Magic!AU no one asked for

Sorry this is kinda Richard heavy. I originally was just going to use him as an inspiration for a single character, but the deeper I went for his character, the more I started pulling in the rest of the gang until I decided it was easier to call it an AU. This is absolute word vomit and spit balling an idea, but I’d love to hear what you think and some feedback! Pardon the rambling and sorry if this makes zero sense.

Richard: Alright, so, basically he can summon spirits/entities things like that. He knows about the forest’s darker secrets. Think of those spooky writings that are like “If you’re in the woods and hear 3 knocks, knock back but leave immediately.” Like, this fucker knows every old spirit, good, bad and unknown that go through the forest. He knows all the do’s and don’t’s and people come to him when they manage to get curses put on them or their families. He also knows about monsters that lurk around at night and other things.

With summoning, it’s a skill where at first it’s overwhelming since he starts to see and hear spirits and all that, so it’s a hard power to learn. Most summon animals or things that are living, not the dead. Most people’s minds can’t handle the added effect of seeing and hearing that stuff constantly.

He goes to churches or houses that people are like, “Uh, What is happening in this place?”. And he can strut in, look around and be like, “lmao that’s a demon, I see you fucker.” And he’s gotten so good at summoning that he can kinda reverse uno whatever it is, causing to it to be able to be seen by everyone else as well.

Problem is, when he first started learning, he got cocky and ended up fucking around with something way stronger than what he could handle at the time and basically got possessed. For years he is basically a dick. He’s dangerous, reclusive, hurts his friends and those around him, yadda yadda. Finally, he has enough will power to try and stop this thing, but the only way he knows how to get rid of it is to kill himself. Because without a living soul/body, the demon has nothing to feed off of or a place to stay. So he attempts by trying to slit his wrists, however, the demon is so impressed with his willpower and determination he offers a deal. It basically says, “Listen, I’ll make you a deal. You will have free will over your body and mind, but I get to stay.” Fine. Demon doesn’t let him die, heals his wounds, but there are scars obviously.

Richard now has a demon inside him. Fantastic. Richard and the demon can converse back and forth. So, Richard will be like, “Yeah, looks like you’re dealing with *insert demon thing here*.” And suddenly his voice will change and the demon is like, “I don’t know, it seems more like *other demon thing*”. Freaks people out pretty bad usually, if they aren’t expecting it. Richard also has a regular eye and a blind eye. Regular eye is just a regular eye, but his other blind eye is what gives him the ability to see the spirits. It’s like a right of passage for his type of people, where they have to blind one of their own eyes somehow.

ANYWAY

With the demon inside him, the demon has the ability to bring things back from the dead. Hence why Richard was able to come back after attempting to kill himself. Technically speaking, Richard is sorta permanently dead but living. I considered giving him no heart beat but I’ll get back to that in a sec. So, Demon and him slowly start working together where he lets the demon influence and strengthen his summoning powers and summon the actual dead as well as see them. Now he has necromancy.

When the demon made his deal, he tells Richard he can summon him if he needs him, but it’s gonna be hella taxing. Richard has to summon him exactly as he did the first time. AKA, slit his wrists to activate it. So, demon would take back into control causing Richards magic to get stronger by God knows how much. Obviously, he can’t do this very often or for too long, but if shit really hits the fan, this could help him make it out alive. I mean, the demon really doesn’t want to lose his flesh home. I’m thinking this is where the heart beat thing comes into play. Where he’s sorta half dead, his heart would stop when he activates the demon to take over.

Till: TILL. THIS GUY. So, I figured where Till likes the water/swimming/animals so much, he’d live at the edge of the forest by the ocean cliff sides. He’s specialize in familiars and mythological creatures. Like, he’s BFF’s with the local sirens and mermaids. He’s the opposite of Richard. Till has the magic that I forget the name of but it revolves around communicating with animals, knowing what the area is saying through them, that kinda stuff if that makes any sense. He likes growing special and rare herbs for potions and rituals. He’s pretty quiet and doesn’t like being around people, so he keeps his magic on the down low usually and spends his time talking to the sirens and mermaids, creatures/animals around him. Tends to his garden and such. He sells it at the weekend markets where he does fine since he’s one of the few that can offer certain herbs. I think he would have a shapeshifting ability or have a familiar he could change into. I’m thinking a bear or a griffin. Druid-ish????

Although Till loves the water, he’s actually specializes in pyromancy. He doesn’t use it too often, since he keeps his magic mainly hidden, but hey, he can start a camp fire or his stove with it, so that’s nice. He loves to gossip with the mermaids and sirens. They were a little confused when their tricks and songs didn’t work on him, well, they did a little, but not completely. But then they put 2 and 2 together and go, “Oh….Wait….I don’t think he likes girls as much as some of the other sailors we’ve met.” So now they just accept him as their bestie and like talking to him about their crushes and the newest dumb sailors they all lured in. They both share fish catches with each other, and Till does sketches of the market/forest so he can come and show them what it looks like since they’re curious.

He also owns a dragon. Not a big one. One that’s the size of a parrot. It likes to chill on his shoulder and likes crackers and grasshoppers. He raised it from an egg. Everyone is all like, “Dude yeah he’s scary omg, I heard he has a whole dragon!!” and they stop by, only to find this burly dude having a cup of tea with the mermaids and a tiny dragon nibbling a graham cracker on his shoulder.

However, his herbs/garden is what links him to Paul and Flake.

Paul/Flake: So, these two bois live together (Definitely no homo going on here) and Flake is even more recluse than Till. They have a cloaking spell on their cabin. You have to absolutely know a certain tree with a ritual attached to it or a spell/password sorta deal to gain access/the ability to see it.

They’re in an open field/prairie area. Flake would be a healer and very good at protection based spells and rituals. He always buys a lot of his herbs from Till so him and Till are close because 1.) Both reclusive as fuck and 2.) P L A N T S.

Meanwhile, Paul has telekinesis and mind reading. He’s a cocky boi but he does care a ton. Even if everyone wants to smack him half the time. I keep thinking their first meeting was something along the lines of:

Flake brings him along when he goes to Till to stock up on herbs, and Paul meets Richard for the first time since Richard stopped by to visit. It’s probably pretty fresh after the whole “Tried to kill myself to yeet the demon out of me and now we’re roommates” deal. And They have barely shaken hands when Paul is looks smug and goes, “You regret you didn’t die but you were honestly too scared too as well.” And Richard is like “ALRIGHT I HAVE TO KILL HIM DON’T YOU DARE READ MY MIND LIKE THAT”. So, Paul and Richard hate each other for a while. Well, Richard hates Paul, Paul doesn’t mind Richard, he’s just waiting for him to come back to him cause that’s usually how first meetings go for him.

Later on, as they start to talk, Paul confides in Richard (after apologizing) that he understands what Richard felt and that he had attempted before as well. Being able to hear everyone’s thoughts and feel their emotions is horrible when you first start out, and is incredibly overwhelming. Over time, Richard and him end up connecting pretty well. Richard still hates the mind reading thing (so does Till), but despite the differences, they’re friends.

Paul can also temporarily slow/reverse time in a certain limit around him. Maybe like, 15-20 foot radius? For about 30 seconds? Let’s say Till decided to use his pyromancy towards him, Paul can decide to halt it and slow it, or it can begin to reverse itself. Richard sends out some hellhounds, Paul can cause them to slow way down once they get close so he can duck around them and hurry off somewhere else.

Flake, despite the hatred of being around people, is actually a pretty great guy once he warms up to you. He’s someone you can have a good cry with but also, he can absolutely fuck up your whole day. I’d think since he can do cloaking spells, he’d understand spells about portals and rifts. To make something ‘invisible’ (AKA, their house), he’s more so just shifting the dimensions people can see, making it into one that they can’t. And sometimes, you got to yeet your idiot friends through portals to somewhere safe cause they don’t know when to shut the hell up. One of my inspirations for his powers was the music video to the song Falling to Pieces by David Guetta, specifically around the 2:55 mark. I’d imagine that, instead of getting obliterated like the people in the music video, it more that he’s shifting every part of that person into different portals/dimensions. I mean, technically, yeah, they die. BUT HEY, who can say they died via getting blasted through different portals and shifts down to a molecular level? Flake can’t do it a lot obviously. It’s hard enough opening one or two portals, so to pull a stunt like that could kill him if he isn’t careful enough. So many times everyone has had to be like FLAKE NO HEY CHILL WE ARE OKAY DON’T DO THAT.

I imagine Flake and Paul have been friends since they were teenagers, so they watched each other’s powers develop. Once Paul starts figuring his powers out, it starts becoming too much. Flake tries his best to be supportive and encourage him and keep him sane, but Paul can feel how much he’s scaring Flake and making him worry. Paul finally tries to end it (in a similar fashion to Richard, so they have matching scars which is another bonding point for them), but Flake finds him in time. However, Flake hasn’t quite got his healing abilities down yet, but the fear and adrenaline of losing his best friend is what flips the switch to finally allow him to completely channel it. Paul heals up and startles back into reality and is like “EXCUSE ME, I THOUGHT YOU COULDN’T DO THAT” and Flake is shaking him like, “YOU DUMBASS IF YOU EVER DIE IM GOING TO KILL YOU.”

Ollie: My tall boi. I’m thinking he’s part wood elf. His magic is based off of using the environment such as tree roots or trees, manipulating and summoning eco life around him. Wanna get beat by a root system? Ollie is your guy. His powers are kinda like Till, but not as animal heavy. I know there’s a word for this magic too but my ass cannot remember it for the life of me. He’s probably one of the rarest of the bunch to spot, but unlike Till or Flake, he doesn’t put up much of a fight when it comes to seeing people or going out. People are intimidated by him cause, I mean, this fucker is 6’7 and came out of the woods like some magical sasquatch lumberjack.

But he’s very down to earth (Pun intended). Ollie crafts armor or blades in his spare time. Sometimes he’ll join Till at the market and sell his stuff or take commissions from anyone who needs new weapons/armor, or if they need anything repaired. He knows how to lace objects with magic so it can do a better job with protection or heighten the users own abilities. Ollie is able to know what’s happening in his neck of the woods. He lives in the deepest part of the forest, Richard isn’t too far from him actually. But Ollie’s area is more of a calm area of the woods, not the spooky ass weird area Richard stays in. Ollie has way more ALIVE deer, first off. No wendigos. What a difference.

I don’t know how to phrase this without it sounding dumb as hell, but basically he talks to trees. He can tap his magic into the systems of the trees and plants and pick up on conversations miles away from him. The trees become his eyes and ears, if that makes sense. It’s never super sharp or in focus (Dream like maybe?), but he’ll know when you’ve entered his section of the woods. He can sometimes tell roughly how many, and catch snippets of your conversations. He’ll make sure to keep an eye on you.

Schneider: My boy. I’m thinking he’s a witch mage kinda guy who has visions and predictions. He fucking loves crystals, tarot cards, special odds and ends, things like that. Reading the stars kinda guy. Schneider actually gets called in by the king or whomst the fuck ever is running this world I’m coming up with, to predict the futures of queens incoming babies, wars, decision making, yadda yadda. He’s hella guidance and damn good at what he does. His visions are never in perfect clarity, but with the aid of his other doodads and such, he can give you a pretty good estimate. He’s like Turbo Tax, but with life choices.

I’m thinking his powers would probably be something along the lines of a copy cat? He can usually tell what your about to do a few seconds before you do it. Somethings are super easy for him to predict (like a punch), other things are harder (complicated magic). I think he might fit under the title Warlock with a Vestige pact? Where the souls/echos of his ancestors that have passed on stay with him. They’re the ones that help him see glimpses into the future make sure he’s protected. They’re also why he can replicate (roughly) most spells that are done towards him. For example: If Paul tried to levitate something and toss it at him, there’s a chance that someone before Schneider, in his linage, had some kind of knowledge of that form of magic. If Schneider reacts fast enough, he can reverse uno that shit back at Paul or toss it somewhere else. Sometimes, it’s more of a canceling effect. So, if Richard tried to resurrect something to attack him, he could undo the resurrection spell, making the dead thing fall back apart, since you can’t double bring something back to life.

Him and Richard went through a similar process to gain their abilities. Richard is a host and dealt with/is dealing with being possessed, and Schneider is temporily possessed/influenced by his ancestors when needed. For a bit, they’re tense around each other cause both felt they were better than the other. Schneider felt like Richard “cheated” to gain his necromancy powers, while Richard is pissed that Schneider had it “so easy” compared to what he went through.

Like Paul and Richard, Schneider and Richard finally have a sit down and Schneider admits his whole ritual/process of gaining his abilities.

To gain access to all the souls/echos, Schneider had to ‘live’ through each ones most painful times via his visions. So, easily 100+ memories that he has to go through in one go. No stopping, feeling/seeing/hearing everything that happened to these people, one at a time. Sometimes it’s their deaths, sometimes it’s a fight or injury, sometimes is verbal things. It totally wrecks with a persons mind and body. A lot of times, the people who go through this process don’t make it because they try and kill themselves afterwards or during. If they stop the line of visions, they cannot ever be started again. They usually develop a severe fever and cold chills, and the process can take several days. So if the fever or themselves don’t kill them, they might make it. So him and Richard bond over that.

I know it sounds stupid, but Schneider lives in a cave. Once you enter, it’s lined with different crystals, crystal balls, dices, maps, star charts, ornate rugs on the floor, silks all over the place, just really nice and cozy.

Overall, each one could work together and combine powers. Examples include: Richard and Till combining Richard Necromancy and Till’s Pyromancy to create a physical embodiment of hell and scare the absolute shit out of anyone.

Ollie (Controlling trees/roots) and Till (connections with animals and mythical beasts) deciding to just use a whole ass forest all that lives in it to really fuck up someone’s day.

Schneider and Paul staying 50 plus steps ahead of the game. Even more so, could Schneider have Paul slow time so he could have a better chance of knowing what’s about to happen/copy a spell?

Flake and Paul working together to slow time, then open portals for enemies to run head first into at last second.

There’s some other ways but there’s a few! I’m so sorry this is so long.

#personal #rammstein #AU #till lindemann #Richard kruspe #paul landers #flake #christian lorenz #oliver riedel #christoph schneider

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stonerbughead · 4 years

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Maria watches friday night lights (#34)

And we continue with 5x11, the stage is set for quite a playoff episode, and i am HERE FOR IT.

my reactions / recap / flailing under the cut

Omg there are “welcome home Tim” signs up?? Poor Luke is jealous of Becky and Tim talking.

Damn, Tim definitely seems fucked up from prison from just that convo with Becky about the Landing Strip alone. Tortured boy.

Aw, we love to see excited Eric with a bunch of excited East Dillon Lions in the locker room after a winning playoff game!

Anddddd here come the budget cuts to burst the bubble. “Anyone need a donut? Some of you won’t have a job next semester.” Damn worst he’s seen it in 27 years? “Anyway, uh...pray.” Damn.

“Where’s the union in all of this, you know?” damn, they have a union at this Texas school? That’s good, but it seems like a weak one, which i’m not surprised about because, again...Texas.

OOOOH Tami’s getting recruited to a Philly college and they’ll fly her out to interview her?

LOL the dudes are yelling “state, state, state!” jumping up and down in their front yard? “Get out of my front yard, you’re making me look bad!” this is so wholesome.

Oh jesus poor Vince, his dad is trying to bring alcohol home when his mom is a recovering addict? What a selfish fuck! “I just don’t know.” OK BYE.

Ahhh Smash Williams is on the TV, playing football in a professional game while Tim Riggins works at Buddy’s bar...this show is just *chef’s kiss*

Oh he sounds so sad and “meh” as Buddy tries to make small talk about Smash’s success. Oh my poor Tim.

OH Jess noooo you taped another team in the division? The fear and drive in her eyes as she nervously tells a very stressed Eric she wants to be a coach herself...I love that.

REALLY? One of the coaches had to do the laughing and “you’ll never be a football coach.” “What, because I’m a girl?” “I didn’t say that.” “Yeah, you did.”

OMG I’m dying, the subtitles while Luke and Becky make out on the coach say SMOOCHING. Adorable!

“Don’t stop for me.” Wow, growth for Becky that Tim is the one walking in on her relationship now. “Use protection this time.” MUST YOU TIM?

Oh shit, football is “revenue neutral.” Truly wild that Tami, Eric, and Levi are having a convo about the whole program possibly being cut while the team loudly celebrates making it to the quarter finals all around them! The visuals in this show are superb.

The sound of “all the way to state, all the way to state, all the way to state!” in the background as the camera focuses on Tami and Eric, watching over everything with sighs on their faces. They carry so much for this town and this team.

Oh shit it’s Bryn Mawr she wants to interview at? And omg they want to interview on the Friday of the semi-final. It’s all happening!

Oh yes some high-stress practice in the pouring rain while Eric has budget cuts and Tami’s interview on his mind!

Okay i get you’re stressed Eric, but calling Jess a “pest” for showing you an article of a female football coach is not it! Although it is WILD Jess took a physical newspaper clipping out to show Eric in the pouring rain. I love her.

Yes, Billy, you are def on the chopping block with these budget cuts. But LOL at him making fun of that dude who repeats everything everyone else said

Tim is so much quieter and more stoic. It tracks. Billy, are you really surprised he doesn’t want to relive his former glory days rn? (Although i have a lil feeling Tim will show up at this game at the last minute!)

Oh shit they’re on Billy’s front lawn now? This is so cute, the parallel moments of “wait a minute, I hear something” and coming outside to find this team with so much heart!

Oh wow they are getting BOOED at this away game. You know they’re good now!

“You never saw so many people so quiet.” I love Vince and his mom’s relationship so much, my heart.

Oh god is daddy all drunk kissing up on his wife who is SOBER? Sir, what do you not understand about sobriety?

Oop and he’s got “gifts.” What shit is he back into?

Wow, hands on the mom and he’s clearly dropped the drugs he’s flipping. There it is.

Yes to the BBQ people asking if the MOM is alright and kicking the dad’s sorry ass out. That’s how we do it.

I really love the way they’re transitioning through this period of playoffs—the locker room updates to their progress with the radio in the background, the chants after each win — then making way for Eric dropping Tami off at the airport. Semifinals are here.

“The time when I need you the most?” “You really gonna bring this up now, on the way to the airport?” Tami’s right, she’s been nothing but straightforward all along! Tami supports you, Eric, let her have her fucking moment.

“Well, you’re kicking my ass.” “Yes, that’s right. Your ass needs some kicking.” “Who’s going to cook dinner for me?” “Oh, poor baby. Gracie.” LMAOOOO yes Tami! Get him! I’m dying.

Okay, Eric, you are forgiven—he looked up the female football coach to talk to Jess about but got the last name wrong!

“14,000 high school football coaches in the country, and that’s one. One out of 14,000. You like those odds?” “No, I think they kind of stink.” “So do I.” Awwww.

“I’m not asking to play.” YES JESS! I love the growth she’s shown over her two seasons. Now she knows what she wants! And her persistence is paying off—Eric’s gonna let her shadow him?! My heart!

Damn Tim is VERY bothered by Becky working at the family business (The Landing Strip.)

Oh God what i feel like Tim sees in “one of Becky’s regular customers” is someone he has an excuse to let out his aggression on. He’s clearly just so fucked up by his life not being what he wanted it to be—and by even the life of those he loved and left behind on the outside not being what he wants for them.

“She’s 17 years old!!!! A high school junior!” I mean, FAIR. Fair fucking point.

Oh fuck this emotional scene between Tim and Billy in the parking lot...DAMN that was a hard punch in the face Tim just gave Billy.

WOW Tim is gonna hold onto taking the fall for Billy for a long time. Fuck. “For the rest of my life, if that’s how I feel it needs to be.”

Billy looks so fucking sad on his knees in the parking lot.

Regina changed the locks! Yes gurl, do not let that man back into your home!

He’s trying to break down the door...oh honey, no. “You’re blowing it, Pop!” I’m so proud of Regina for standing up for herself and Vince.

The visual of Luke riding up next to Tim’s car, and then driving past Becky and Tim fighting, as they pause to watch him go...ART. Also, why is Tim so resolutely like “I got to go. I got to go.” Intrigued.

“There’s only gonna be one football team in Dillon next year.” “Well, which program are they cutting?” “That’s next week’s fight.” DAMN. So much is happening in one night!

Yep, Eric just summed it up to that reporter: “One of those teams is going to state. And i don’t think you’re gonna eliminate a team that goes to state.” They’re fighting for the very existence of their team AND the state championship in one! This show!

Oh wow Luke does NOT want to hear Becky’s apology. Oh nooo!

Aw Regina and Vince communicating about how she needs to “take a meeting” so she can’t come to the game and him saying that’s more important...again, the growth! My heart!

OH they made up Braemore? Really sounded like Bryn Mawr LOL. Go Tami!!!

(These white dudes do not want to hear a woman saying they should rethink their approach. STOP YELLING AT HER, SHE’S RIGHT.)

Oh Mindy, crying at Tim not to go, about how much Billy cries at night, how much they both love Tim. IM EMOTIONAL

“You’re different, you know that?” “Yeah. I am.” ABOLISH PRISONS.

DAMN this semi final game is a NAILBITER

They did it at the last minute, YES!!! Nothing beats the excitement on the team’s faces as they embrace!

Damn Tim returning to his old trailer? Drinking beers alone and doing very not well as he listens to the radio static. Sigh, poor angsty boy.

Aw the woman who interviewed Tami is so kind. Telling her she did well at dinner.

I literally gasped then went AHHH! when the college dude came to dinner and Tami’s all politely like “thanks for the opportunity!” And the guy’s like, “yeah yeah i have two kids to put to bed, anyway we’re offering you that old asshole’s job.” “Dean of Admissions???” YES QUEEN

Damn Eric and Tami are BOTH killing the game, what a fucking power couple.

Eric has the whiteboard on the bus to accompany this “we’re going to state” chant. Amazing.

“We missed the field house.” “We’re not going to the field house.” OMG all their fans are waiting outside to cheer for them as they return?? How beautiful!

Oh my poor babe Vince, all he wants is to know his mom is safe.

YES he found his mom! My heart dropped when Vince’s face betrayed some fear he couldn’t find her. I’m so glad they can celebrate together, oh my heart.

And then you see Eric looking around for Tami, lost because she’s across the country contemplating a life-changing job offer...WOW. Two episodes left and the deck is truly STACKED. This show is art.

#maria watches friday night lights #mine #friday night lights 5x11

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makeste · 5 years

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BnHA Chapter 240: PLIFF

Previously on BnHA: Shigaraki “Thanos” Tomura gleefully reduced an entire city to dust while laughing maniacally. You know, villain things. He almost turned Re-Destro to dust as well, but Re-Destro got around that by chopping off his own legs. Like it was no big. I still haven’t quite managed to process that yet. Anyway, so everyone was real impressed by Tomura at this point, because how could you not be, and to sum things up, Re-Destro basically accepted him as his lord and savior and handed the Meta Liberation Army over to him. So now Shigaraki Tomura, noted crazy person and heir to All for One’s empire, who has just upgraded his quirk so as to be able to destroy basically anything within an unknown range without even having to touch the thing directly, and who has also pledged to destroy the entire world, has an army. And he also has Gigantomachia, who was watching him all hearts-in-eyes while he did his thing. So all in all this has been a very productive arc for the League of Villains. And meanwhile, the League of Everyone Else may want to think about changing their name to “League of People About To Be Incredibly Fucking Screwed.”

Today on BnHA: The League of Villains, in what is clearly the best rebranding move since New Coke, renames itself the “Paranormal Liberation Front”, a.k.a. PLF, a.k.a. PLIFF because that’s what it instantly became in my head and you can’t stop me. Among PLIFF’s Finest is newly initiated member Hawks, whose mystery bag is finally confirmed to have contained exactly what we all thought it was going to contain. I don’t even want to talk about that. I’m still in denial. But also weirdly thrilled. I’m terrible. Anyway, so Hawks is all “:) we’re fucked,” agreeing with the consensus the general fandom has come to over the past week, and palling around with his new best friend Dabi as he frantically tries to come up with some kind of plan. Maybe the heroes can try rebranding themselves as “the Supernatural Emancipation Cavalry.” That wouldn’t really solve anything, but it’d be funny to watch the villains come to realize they’re being mocked. Sorry but y’all brought this on yourselves.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

so I received an ask from a very kind anon warning me to be careful of spoilers for this chapter. thank you, anon! rest assured that I have been very cautious, and am pleased to inform everyone that I’m diving in spoiler-free this week. so bring on your Kacchan hero names, your Best Jeanist heads, your new Deku quirks, and whatever other twists you want to toss my way, manga. but especially that first one. this arc has been fantastic, but now that it’s wrapping up, I miss my kids and I would like to check in with them soon. they grow up so fast and time is precious

so apparently the title for this chapter is “Power”, which could mean lots of things, but I imagine it’s not something that bodes well for our heroes. honestly does anything bode well for them at this point. they’re not having much luck on the boding front

oh cool, a time jump! so this is apparently now one week after “the deadly battle.” wow, way to sum everything up in the blandest terms possible while still being accurate. like, yeah, that is what it was, but somehow it doesn’t quite communicate the full magnitude of what actually went down, you know?

anyway so the town basically looks like it got hit by a fucking meteor

new crack theory that a time-traveling Shigaraki Tomura is what actually killed the dinosaurs

wow would you fucking look at this

I guess this is the BnHA version of “an unfortunate training exercise”

also I like how they didn’t think it would be believable that one sleepy boi could cause all of this destruction, so they amped it up to twenty fucking guys instead. sob. why did they even bother giving Tomura an army. he is an army

lol the bullshit continues

“reporting to you live from Deika City, an innocent and wholesome country town in no way affiliated with an extreme right-wing quirk supremacist movement, where citizens recently found themselves victims of an entirely unprovoked attack by no fewer than twenty, and definitely more than six, villains. the brave citizens proceeded to fight them off, and definitely killed them all and didn’t surrender to them and elect their leader as their new god. also the president of Detnerat just happened to be there. just coincidentally. he definitely was not the one who instigated the entire thing. when asked for comment, Mr. Yotsubashi responded, quote, ‘nonsense, I’m no hero. would you call a man a hero just because he fought off an army of villains alone and selflessly sacrificed his own legs to ensure that justice prevailed? would you call that heroic? poppycosh. that’s just the kind of man I am. I wouldn’t call myself brave. ‘humble,’ maybe. ‘handsome’, perhaps. but a hero? no. I’m just an everyday, all-around good type of person, that’s all.’ so there you have it. truly a courageous figure. a gallant example of truly stellar fortitude and virtue. we need more Yotsubashi Rikiyas in these trying times. back to you, Jeff”

anyway, so the media in BnHA. fairly gullible, huh?

so now the report is concluding with a statement that the investigation is still ongoing. uh huh. damn they really got away scot-free with all this, huh

and we’re cutting to a close-up of sushi! oh my god. Compress have your dreams finally come true at last

yesssss oh my god. I’m so happy for him

(ETA: on my second read-through I paid attention to try to see whether or not Compress had finally gotten a new robot arm, but it’s impossible to tell. he’s only using his right hand here, and later on when he goes on stage with the rest of them he’s wearing his usual trenchcoat and gloves. I’m just gonna assume he finally got the upgrade he wanted, though. nice to see you so content, Mister I-Ran-Around-A-Lot.)

excuse me, what, Dabi? he didn’t even do anything?? as opposed to you, who basically just set yourself on fire and glared at Frogurt for half a dozen chapters?? don’t hurt yourself climbing back down from that high horse you punk

lol what

I don’t even have to scroll down to the rest of this page to immediately know this is some bullshit. she’s not dead. out of everyone in the League she’s probably third most important after Tomura and Mr. You-Didn’t-Even-Do-Anything above. her quirk is too plot-critical for her to actually be dead. you’re not gonna kill off the ONLY GIRL IN THE LEAGUE OF VILLAINS, either. Horikoshi who do you even think you’re fooling

ah, yep

Togaaaaaaaaa omg. I’d hug you but you’d stab me. but I’m so happy to see you my precious baby girl

and it actually makes sense for Twice to be mourning the clone, though, and I’m glad they showed it. because he of all people understands that the clone is the person to at least some degree. like, it’s nice that he doesn’t just view them as disposable and he respects them. he’s so nice omfg

anyway so it looks like he’s back to being crazy though

oh well, it was nice while it lasted. at least he doesn’t appear traumatized anymore. and he has a boyfriend now too. where is Giran anyway

now fucking Skeptic is walking in like he’s on the set of a fucking sitcom

[canned audience laughter]

nice touch on the following page with Hanabata starting to refer to Re-Destro as “The Supreme...” before catching himself and amending it to just “Re-Destro”

oh wow

damn, LoV, y’all went from poverty straight to the .01%. talk about an upgrade

oh my god there’s a secret passage

oh my god it leads to a secret basement

trying not to think about the last time we were in a secret villain basement. this isn’t like that. relax. that arc is over now. deep breaths

holy shit

this is like the fucking Mines of Moria. complete with a Balrog. jesus christ

omg look who got himself a BRAND NEW SUIT AND TIE ENSEMBLE oh shiiit

is that a fucking fur-lined coat. Shigaraki Tomura has officially upgraded to KHR Villain status. what a little shit. I adore you, you son of a bitch

and I thought he destroyed all the hands?? come on dude, I know it’s like your signature look, but I was hoping we were going in a different direction from here on out. ah well

wow, Horikoshi

just once. just once I would like this man to leave a plothole unaddressed for more than one page. god I love this manga

anyway so they’re fully lampshading the fact that this one hand somehow miraculously survived, and they’re all “I guess it’s his trademark, huh?” yep, that’s right. his lewk. now be quiet, you two. which of us is doing the recap here

so now RD is up on stage showing off the weirdest fucking wheelchair I’ve ever seen, and singing Tomura’s praises

it’s remarkable how quickly his ego adapted to his brand new role as head of Tomura’s PR. he almost seems to be enjoying this more than when he was the leader

oh shit??

A NEW NAME?? oh my god. edge of my seat. can’t wait. take it away boys

LOOOOOOOL what

sob this makes it sound like they do ghost investigations. is there a League of Villains Buzzfeed Unsolved AU. this is what happens when you put the otaku in charge of the name

just. why paranormal. they thought it sounded cool?? and am I really supposed to type out PLF and not pronounce it like “pliff” in my head moving forward?? yeah, that’s not happening. you guys are now PLIFF. congratulations

thank god they’ve still got Tomura to lend legitimacy to this whole ridiculous operation. god, there’s something I never thought I’d say. Tomura why are you now the part of the League -- excuse me, PLIFF -- that I actually take the most seriously. god

y’all heard the man. whatever we want. this is happening. just remember kid, you gave me permission

holy shit you guys is that motherfucking Carvel!?!? I was staring at the panel all “WHO IS THIS” and wondering if they’d somehow brought Kizuki back to life, oh my god. I’m fucking dying send help. he looks like Galaxy Express 999. my brain is short-circuiting

anyway so everyone is all HOORAY WE LOVE THIS and they’re all cheering

HOMBGLKDF

DSLFKSHDLGK HEY BOY, HOW ARE YOU LIKING BEING A MEMBER OF THIS NEW HERE VILLAIN CULT. WHERE’S THE FUCKING BAG, HAWKS

SDFKSJDLFKSDLKFH A FLASHBACK AHHHHHH

I CAN’T TURN THE PAGE OH GOD NO SOMEBODY ELSE DO IT

OH MOTHERFUCKING SHIT

my jaw just. fucking. -- -----------

okay Hawks. fucking explain. how did you do it. is it a fake?? surely it’s not the real deal?? oh god, the memes have now become terribly real. I have no choice but to embrace this with even more stupid jokes and memes as a coping mechanism or I’m gonna lose it

but for real, they didn’t seriously do my boy Jeanist like that. Paramount Optimal Jeanist did not survive a point-blank attack from motherfucking All For One just to get shanked by Hawks so that he could get good with PLIFF, only to be, and I quote, “too late...!”

(ETA: and on readthrough #2, Dabi does indeed bring up the fact that this might not actually be Jeanist’s corpse. “setting aside the issue of whether he is who you say he is...” so even he acknowledges that shenanigans could be afoot.

but he seems convinced it’s a real body at the very least. though did it never occur to you that he could have just picked it up from the morgue, dude? that’s gonna be my go-to theory for now at any rate.)

is now a good time for me to bring up something I’ve been wondering about for a while, which is how Bakugou is going to take this? yes, Bakugou. “okay makeste, I know he’s your favorite and I know you miss him, but what kind of mental cartwheels are you doing in order to make this situation with Hawks and PLIFF somehow relate to Bakugou Katsuki, whom we last saw twenty fucking chapters ago, and who has absolutely nothing to do with this?”

well I’m glad you asked, and you see, it’s because (a) the internship, and (b) because we already know Katsuki blames himself for at least one hero’s downfall as a result of what happened in Kamino, and I could easily see him having a similar response to Best Jeanist’s injury and subsequent disappearance. like, we already know this shit is all over the news. and Bakugou knows Jeanist personally. and so now what with him being missing, I can’t help but wonder if he’ll blame himself again for being the reason Jeanist was there at Kamino, and lost a lung, and so forth

and I realize this tangent is coming sort of out of left field, but seeing as this arc is finally wrapping up, and we can expect to cut back to the U.A. kids again soon, I just figured I’d bring it up now, because we’ll see if I’m right or not shortly

anyway. so let’s get back on topic. best dead Jeanist. oh god

but it seems like it did, at least, finally convince Dabi of Hawks’s sincere villainous intentions. so we have that one minor win, I guess. congratulations Hawks, now you know about the secret villain basement and their new rebranding. was it worth it you bastard

oh shit. actually, maybe it was. because now he understands just how incredibly screwed they are sob

so he doesn’t know for sure about the Noumu yet. so Tomura still has that little ace up his sleeve. fucking great

but him knowing about the Detnerat thing is big, though. so now the heroes know not to trust any of their equipment, or any of their lackeys like fucking Slidin’ Go. that’s something, at least

and you gotta love the whole “equal to, if not greater than” bit, sob. never in my life have I ever seen something so egregiously understated. “Shigaraki might be more powerful than the heroes at this point” yeah, you think!? god

holy shit Re-Destro calm the fuck down

Tomura’s telling him to get lost, and he’s immediately making himself scarce lol. good riddance

and Tomura is now kneeling dramatically and pounding his fist on the floor. okay

hey

I take offense, sir. “League of Villains” had a timeless air about it. and more importantly, you couldn’t abbreviate it to the sound that someone makes when they plop down tiredly onto a couch

oh shit!!!!

THIS LAST PAGE HAD BETTER BE A TERRIFYING PANEL OF THE HIGH END NOUMUS, OMG. I’M HOLDING MY BREATH

GODDAMMIT IT’S JUST ANOTHER SEXY CLOSEUP OF TOMURA’S FACE

I mean, can you actually call it that at this point? can you actually “grant” something to someone if they already have more of it than they know what to do with?

but I mean, we know what he really means though, so fair enough

oh ffs now he’s saying “but first there’s something I’d like you to do for me” oh my god enough with these side quests!

he wants him to transport something, apparently. ARE YOU HATCHING SOME NEW SCHEME oh gosh

oh my god and meanwhile Hotwings is becoming canon right before our eyes holy shit

of course!! he’s fucking thrilled!! everything is just!! so great!! right now!! :)!!!!!

oh my god Hawks

“Endeavor, and everyone” I see what you did there kid

(ETA: and as far as I recall, Endeavor doesn’t even know about his undercover mission yet. I wonder how he’s going to react when he finds out. your adopted son is now best friends with your presumed-dead son! and in mortal danger omg.)

wow. wow. and that’s the end of the chapter. fucking shit

so! lots to process! Hawks really did it! the absolute madman!! and Dabi fucking loves him now, which is great, if you like things that inevitably end in tragedy. then that’s great for you. but otherwise I guess it’s not so great

so I wonder if our next arc will be the Undercover Hawks Antics arc, or if we’ll be getting back to Deku and the gang. I’m guessing the latter because it’s been a while, but it’s definitely exciting to see this particular plotline finally advancing and becoming more intricate

so basically I have no idea what to expect next week. which is amazing. I’m so fucking excited. now if Horikoshi could just leave us all a little pity disclaimer clarifying that no Jeanists were actually harmed in the making of this chapter and that it was all CGI or some shit, that would be great :/

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha 240 #best jeanist #hawks #shigaraki tomura #league of villains #excuse me -- pliff #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #so. hawks #like do you ever just straight up refuse to believe a guy is capable of murder #just because he's so handsome and charming #hawks: 'so anyway here's a bag with the remains of the man I killed inside'#me: 'nah you didn't kill anyone'#hawks: 'literally you saw me corner him in his apartment and draw a weapon and now I'm presenting you with a body and saying I did it'#me: 'nope. clearly there's some other explanation'#I'm joking but I'm also deadly serious lol #he's too soft. he pretends like he's not but he is!#mofo is out here feigning being all hardcore #but dammit we know the truth #anyways #rip to whoever's corpse that actually is #jeanist you punk I hope you're enjoying yourself wherever you are

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survivormontenegro · 5 years

Text

Episode 1: "I'll either flop hard or finally fucking win so let's see how this game plays." - Ian

season starts in t minus eleven minutes and I'm SO READY TO FLOP WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

give me an idol thanks

Hi!!! Im back on tumblr survivor omg I thought I would never return cuz I am so inactive on skype but here I am with the best hosts ever seamus and drew even tho seamus bullies me... This time now that I actually have some experience I hopefully wont be first boot and can play better rather than be a sheep LOL

So far I like my tribe, Ali and mitch are prob my favs so far both kings

The only people I have ever heard of before is willow one of my bffs from FB orgs and jones bc shes jones but both on the other tribe so hope I can meet them at swap or merge!

But apart from that no clue who these ppl are, kinda nice tho and refreshing since on fb its always the same people so this should be fun

Bro we got 2 sandwich artists. And a sandwich related challenge. If we don’t win I’ll be mad

Okay so right now I don’t know anyone or anything what the fuck. This is so different from zwooper everyone is here to play. Right now I’m getting good vibes from Caleb and I think I’m gonna make him my go to. I know Noah on the other tribe but I know he doesn’t like me and I really don’t like the way he plays games. I heard Jamarcus was in this game but I guess not :(. But yeah so this is gonna be one wild ride!

submitting this before i forget/decide not to do a video on it:

http://bit.ly/2ZoKSiK <- Jason’s First Impressions

Hie Montenegro,,, im here,,, and full of existential fear!! I wanted to do a full video cast assessment but my phone storage truly sucks on this night at 3:00 am and I have shit to do tomorrow so :) gotta write!! Myfeelings!!!! David - has said Hewwo when we were revealed and vanished. Hopefully he can deliver in a comp Bc rn he’s kinda irrelevant :( holding out hope tho Willow - queen of being busy,,, we talked in pms but for like a minute,, she knows some of my friends from an FB game I watched her play tho! So that’s SOMETHing, but not a lot. I’ve heard not the greatest things about her social game in the past tho, so I’m not shocked rn Evan - I think I’ve actuallh played w him before assuming this is the same Evan from erinsborough? Big shrug, he was inactive that game tho and would’ve striked out if we didn’t vote him,,, hopefully things are different tho? His picture is Gavin from DP and I appreciate it greatly,, Tom - I just got off of a 5 hour call w him and he seems really chill!? Haven’t talked in pms yet or anything so hopefully we can do that soon? But he seems like a great dude!! His dog is super fucking cute too. JJ - I think of my entire tribe, he’s the epitome of extra. He has 50 fucking sugar gliders like??????? Ma’am?????????? Also he’s from tengaged and MORE IMPORTANTLY he knows keaton apparently!! So,,, probably a crackhead knowing my luck w Keaton. He’s very outgoing and friendly tho and definitely seems like someone i COULD work with,,, but I wanna see how everything plays out, Caeleb - adopted him as my grandson. Bc he called me his grandma. He seems like a sweetie pie it’s his first org ever though so go him!! Hopefully grandma can take him under her wing hehe Mo - literally one of my first close friends in the community,, an angel whom owns my heart, I feel like he’d wanna work w me but I’d never know fully until we prove our loyalties yk? So I’m also holding out hope for him,,, king. Alex - I love him!!!? So much???? He said he stans me I love him sm Bc I remember stanning him when I first started playing Bc he’s all I’d heard about art in the community lolol but I’m v excited to actuallh play with him I fucking called him being here :) Jules - my love my light we just clicked real quick, she’s legitimately an angel whom I adore??? It’s her first survivor game I’m rooting for her. But ya I’m exhausted so that’s it for now UwU gn bois

okie I feel like I should do a cast assessment of my tribe, just as a starter. my opinions will like 1000% change so this is by no means final but woo I'll go with this!

In general... this cast is... pretty good? Like I was very very worried since I'm so annoying that everyone that hates me would reappear for this season, but I think(?) only like... one person in the cast would dislike me/gun for me for preseason stuff. Anywho:

Benj: Okay he seems super super nice! Like he seems really friendly, we have a lot in common already and I think since we are both in weird timezones we could work really well as allies! He seems super like chill and would work with just people he seems to get along with, so I feel like... that could be a real potential alliance in the future ahhh!

Ian: Ian I haven't spoken to all that much yet (he was towards the end of the cast reveal) but he seems really really chill! He has also come 2nd twice which is something I can relate to, so maybe we will be on a similar page as players?

Jared: Okay first fellow newbie. We haven't spoken much or had the chance to really like have a good conversation so far! I feel like since its 12-8 for newbies, maybe its a good idea for us to group up tho, idk if it can happen since at least for me, I haven't really connected to the newbies as much?

Jason: He is so so fun! Like I've really liked talking with him so far, he was on the CAH call yesterday and was getting along with Julia which is really good too, since I defo wanna work with them both!

Julia: A QUEEN. okay I was very worried seeing her on the cast reveal since both times I've played with her, I've voted her out very very early.... BUT, she seems interested in wanting to work with me and I'd love to because such a wild time, and I feel like... me and her strengths/weaknesses can kind of counterbalance in a way that'll work really well! She could always be playing me, but tbh... its what I deserve anyway, and I'd LOVE to see her do really well this season.

Madeline: I really like her! I've spoken to her probs the most of the newbies and she seems really nice and social which is super good! I feel like she'll fit in for a while and have quite smooth sailing

Michael: I'm sure he is great, but we haven't really.. been able to talk all that much? I feel like if I had to predict who would go if our tribe lost, I'd... probably say him?

Mitch: omg this cast is so big I'm not even through my tribe AHH. anyway mitch was on the first cast reveal like I was. I get ok vibes from him, he seems like... he is here to play the game hard which makes me nervy, but hopefully I can like fudge that to my advantage?

Noah: okay he is super fun, I feel like... our conversations have been very dry, but also that its 100% my fault. idk the ability to be interesting just kind of _dropped_ out of me but I'll try and redeem that today

okay the other tribe I'll just skim through and do the ones I know:

Alex C.: he seems like a king! I've been in VLs for seasons he has been in, I feel like he will not like me but I'd love to meet him!

David R.: okay he will 10000% not remember me, but he was in my first season ever! he was very inactive and his only like... confessional was about me being annoying KJSLDAD which is maybe a.. bad sign! lets see how it goes this time

Jones: She seems SO nice! I have been in VLs with her before, and she seems so so so nice! I'd love to play with her down the line, but I think she is also probs here to WIN which is scary.

Jules: A LEGEND! I love Jules, would love to work with them if possible! They're probably the person I am closest to pregame but can hopefully keep that hush hush...

Mo: a king! I hosted him for his first season, and he was SO much fun. I feel like he has gone off me, but I'm super excited to see how he does!

Tom: he is... probably the biggest problem for me in the cast? Like he was in the only season I won, and saw me play a snake game which I do not intend to play like this time? But I feel like if he still dislikes me (which he might), he could like... tell people how snakey I was! I would love to like work with him if he wants, but I feel like he wouldn't trust me at all KASDLF

Willow: A queen! I haven't spoken to her in ages but used to around her first season a lot! so so nice.

Yeah so overall thoughts on each tribe:

Durmitor: Almost everyone I knew preseason was on this tribe, which is probably to my advantage, that'll hopefully help out in like... a swap situation? Worried about Tom but am cautiously optimistic about Willow/Mo/Jules! I feel like this tribe is gonna do very very good on challlenges which... AHHHH i don't wanna go to tribal

Budva: Okay I really like my tribe! I get the best vibes from Benj, Julia & Jason who are all people I'd love to work with! I think(?) I could be okay for now, like I feel like I've already got some good ties, and that there are other people that would go... before me... maybe? Its probably only like 2 rounds on these tribes so I maybe don't even need to last that long aksfda

Ugh honestly why am I back and like... I DON’T ANYBODY HERE? Nicole G is my spirit animal.

Well except for Jason and Julia. I do know them as well as Alex and Rob. Basically I don’t know anyone post chamonix and I feel like a fish out of water. I’ll either flop hard or finally fucking win so let’s see how this game plays.

My tribe is idk, quiet? But like we called and played cards against humanity which was fun but like idk Anau and Monte Rosa were just more active and fun and all.

Julia - fellow oldie, I might work with her since she’s quite social and all. Witchcraft and all.

Jason - I wanna work with him because 1) oldie 2) fellow runner-up and 3) he knows josh. And if my TS career hasn’t proven me wrong, people who I play with who know josh are a huge BOON to my game so yeahhH

Benj - he seems nice. He lives New Zealand so we will probably be the only ones awake at our respective time zones so that can be grounds for something :D

Ali - seems nice as well. We talked about the weather and all so that was fun.

Mitch - we had a short convo so idk him very well to get a good read on him.

Jared - We only started talking now so we will see hmmm

Michael - I’m 50% sure he’s a robot. Just because he sends messages like a robot but I could be wrong. Idk it’s hard to get a read on him but we talked some and I hope he is good at challenges

Madeline - She told me she was a returnee but the wiki says she ain’t? What is the truth. Seems nice?? Idk

Noah - we haven’t talked

Tbh this is probably the most quiet starting tribe I’ve been on. Nicole G is my sprit animal btw

(hi plss add this to the first confessionals i sent) Asya - haven’t talked to her as well. But she did briefly joined the tribe call

Here's a Video Confessional that details what’s on my mind:

youtube

America I think I fucked myself over on this one. I told JJ and Tom last night that I got 155k in sandwich stacker the last time I played it and now I think they’re expecting me to recreate that score?? And like,,, do better?????? But it turns out I’m unexpectedly very busy today and I can’t even do it when I get home Bc I’m not gonna have a laptop to play it on,, so I fucked myself over on this one chief. Not only am I most likely not doing this challenge, but I set myself up to look like a challenge threat!! When I can’t even back it up???? Love that for me :)

okay so I've now had a chance to talk to pretty much my whole tribe more which is fun. I LOVE THEM ALL AND REFUSE TO EVER. GO. TO. TRIBAL.

So my favourites atm are defo Julia, she is SUCH a legend, and her hex powers will carry us to success. I'm also really liking Benj & Jason on a personal level, they are super fun, and like chill on a game level which I really like!

Of the rest, Jared approached me to work with me which AHH exciting! But it was kind of unprompted and outta nowhere, so I'm worried he could play a bit too hard too fast, so will try and keep an eye on him. Madeline is super fun, I'm really liking talking to her, and I'm more reassured about working with my fellow newbies now, since Jared/Madeline I'm really liking! Michael is super sweet, he sent me this long nice message about how to pronounce my name which was super sweet, I haven't spoken to him too much yet! Noah I've spoken to the least, he is my biggest ??? so far, which ahh but I'll figure that one out. Mitch is quite quiet but I really like him! Ian is a king!

AHH I LOVE EVERYONE THIS IS A PROBLEM. I always do this where I make friends with everyone and then have to betray someone every round. I'm determined to pace myself this time. Julia is my Number #1 rn, she approached me first and I think we are a great balancing pair. I also really like Benj/Jason, would love to maybe be in a bigger alliance with them? Jared I'm like... apprehensive that he is gonna play really hard, but also wanna work with him. Those are probably my top four rn? I'd then put Madeline/Ian on the next level, Mitch the level below and Noah/Michael on the bottom level as my biggest unknowns!

otherwise this challenge is so demonic, and one day I will get revenge on seamus for making us endure this. I think I'm doing pretty good, and like... can't face the bread anymore, so will probs stick with my score. I really don't wanna go to tribal so hope my tribe can pull this out wooo!

Hi it’s Mo, I’m the dumb bitch who thinks he needs a Gatorade after walking up a flight of stairs. At the moment I’m feeling very distressed because I sat outside for a good hour or so and some mosquitos decided to take it upon themselves to go to town on my legs. But game-wise I’m feeling very comfortable on my tribe. I think I made some good connections on the tribe call last night and I got to know everyone really well and literally I have no complaints about anyone at the moment. They’re all super chill. My biggest fear is letting them down so I’m doing my best to get a good score on sandwich stacker.

Wow It's great to be back and not know like a single soul! I will kms because of that! Also wow my boss sprung a double on me today so I didnt get to talk to anyone! In the first 24 hours! I love this for me! Im on call right now so hopefully I can do SOMETHING and get good with people!!

So I have yet to do a formal confessional but let me just tell you my tribe is so cracked and I love it. I'm gonna give y'all my thoughts on the players of my tribe because why not. Ok so first off we have Julia. Julia is so cracked but I LOVE HER. She is the good luck charm of the tribe because she is involved in witchcraft and honestly I find that hilarious. Then we got Ali. He seems super sweet but I have yet to get to know him well. I think he has been in the tumblr community for a while but I'm not sure because im not in that community (whoops). Jason and I have meshed pretty well together over the love for the cowboy emoji, Madeleine seems like an easy number for me, and same for Jared. I think if we ever go to tribal I might try to connect us three with Benji who I also think I can trust really well. Then we have Ian and Noah. Honestly my conversations with them have been pretty awkward??? Idk if that is just because they are busy but like I don't rly mesh well with either of them. Then there is Michael who literally talks like his username: A Big Blue Robot

someone literally said they were worried that me being so into astrology would influence how i viewed other people and i told them that it wouldn't but the tea is it will, try to stop me

Heya its me. Rookie here on survivor Montenegro. Never played before. Kinda nervous. I'm trying to keep it light and airy with my chats with all the tribe members, because I don't want them thinking I'm trying to create drama too early. They seeeeem to like me and I think I really like them too. Evan kinda has latched on to me, and I like having an easy go to for talking shoppe, but he's super paranoid and thinks he has no shot at this. Even said that everyone else is fully bonding without him. And thats fine of course, I can handle supporting him especially if it seems like a surprise friendship, but his scaredyness might be rubbing off because its making me a little afraid that people are talking shoppe much more than they're letting on with me. Alsooo, low key a tiny bit annoyed with how much we love to call. Like y'all are nice but it seems to be the same person (eyooop) every time and the same person talking in the tribe chat. hehe peace out

hi okie i would've filmed a video confessional, but i look DISGUSTING so you will have to settle with type type typing!

so lots is happening REAL fast and my head hurts so i need to talk it out. We won reward which WOO, and the reuben sandwich also gave me 3 free checks for bridge steps for the idol so GOOD NEWS. I also used it to build trust with Benj & Julia, and told Jared who kind of put me on the spot and asked me about it (more on Jared later).

So I now have my chart to map idol progress titled 'Bridge to Terebeth-idol' and I'm using all the info I get to slowly get an idea of idol progress, the idol is MINE and I'm determined to play it WRONG. otherwise, I'd love to see Benj or Julia get it, love 'em both.

Anywhomst back to Jared. he is VERY forward with game stuff and is like... going 0 to 100 waay too quick, and its making me and Benj nervous. We are both going to keep an eye, I could see Jared burning out quite quick akdlfas. For the rest of the tribe, I really really like Jason he is such a king, Madeline is super nice but I think quite quiet so could potentially go if we lose. Michael is great at challenges, but his social game is a bit ahh (he like.. told Julia she would be a target for making a mistake in the challenge akjsdfaslfladfjla). Noah I really like, but we are kinda out of sync with timezones which is no good. Mitch filled in for me in teh challenge so I owe him bigtime.

ANYWAYS. this is already waay too long, the summary is WOO JULIA AND BENJ, woo (at a slightly lower volume) for Jason and Jared. Love the hosts, loving this game so far, only thing I'm not loving is sandwiches (unless they are reuben sandwiches asjdklfa).

Okay so little recap of the first night on Montenegro Durmitor Beach.... I really felt worried! Like from the first impressions and the intro's I thought okay i have nothing in common with any of these people, this is going to be so hard to get in a safe spot and go far in this game!

After jumping on call with the likes of Jules, Jones, JJ and Mo I felt a little bit safe as they were laughing at some of my jokes and i felt like i could contribute to the conversation which is nice. I really tried my best in this sandwich stacker challenge to show the tribe that i can perform in flash games and help win immunities for future rounds so it gave them a reason to keep me and potentially the stronger players on the tribe would want to add me to an alliance...well i mean that didnt happen but hey who knows its only day 2

So i recognised that JJ was from Tengaged and i had played with him a little bit whilst on that site so i tried to connect with him and make conversation with him and that dramatic little boy decided to drop his vocabulary and use his silly little boy one word responses which wasnt very uhm reassuring. HOWEVER I feel like over the past 2 days JJ and I have formed some sort of bond and i believe its mutual that we want to work together and help each other out in this game. MY ONLY CONCERN about working with JJ is that I dont want to be seen as in a duo with him so him and me need to stop bullying each other on calls and staying on tribe calls when no one else is on them. He helped me out in the idol hunt as well so he is already giving me some information showing he is down to work with me

Okay so overall i feel like my tribe is full of very big personalities and thats concerning a fight will be had for majority i reckon.

Jules: She is so nice, and we connect pretty good, i know she is one bad ass game player though and definitely a threat down the line so keeping her on my side is beneficial for now and hopefully if she does become seen as a target i can use that to my advantage and she can be a meat shield.

Mo: Mo is cool and chill to talk to, we dont really speak that much on pms however i want that to change i get a very loyal vibe from him so yeah something i am willing to explore

Willow & Evan: They both have similar standings with me in this tribe, i feel like they both want to work with me, Evan has said he does and that he gets a good vibe and wants to work with me which is good and i feel like willow is also leaning towards that as well. The only issue with working with these two is they arent very big personalities so i will be targeted before them however i feel like they could be very loyal. Its going to be hard to integrate them into a large alliance unless one of them start because others will be closer to people that isnt them.

Alex: So Alex is a weird one for me, he seems super emotional and honestly someone i just cant really relate to or connect with. I may be wrong but thats my first impression of him, he seems to be all up in Jules/Jones grill which is something i will have to keep an eye out for.

Jones: Jones is a big big big big threat i think everyone on this tribe can already tell this woman will be hard to get out, socially she is impressive and she said she is pretty good at challenges as well so........i'm just going to try and act really dumb around her and make her believe that im willing to work with her till the end as a loyal sheep. However for now i would like to work with her (even though probably everyone does)

David: Well i mean he is like not active very much, he came on call and i have a fear of drag people and he is a drag people so i hope he doesnt rock up to tribal in drag because it is a serious phobia..... wouldnt mind if he went first just because we dont really talk!

JJ: already spoke about him

Caeleb: Everyone is very nice in this cast but i feel like caeleb is a little bit uhh reserved, i feel like hes a little shy at the moment but i think he can be a gem to work and play with. Idk what type of player any of these people are so just gotta test the waters.

All i know is that this tribe is ready to play....and play hard so survivors ready: game on bitches! #STAYLOWANDGOGOGO

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Oh wow this twisty twist twist, hate it!! So anyway now that we have to go to tribal Idk who the heckie to choose to vote! The only people I feel like I have absolutely no connection with so far are Evan and Caeleb, everyone else ive at least talked to a bit?? Jules is cool (also havent talked to her that much) Mo and Jones are the people ive talked to the most so far and I really wanna work with them I think, we will see DREW YOU HAVE MESSED ME UP

youtube

This twist is very fiendish and I love and hate it!! More stress ensuing the more fun for drew hmmm

Anyway, right now I want Madeline gone. I feel she’s not putting her all into this game and in the challenges. Plus she told me she was a returnee but the wiki says otherwise grrrr

For now I think I’m gonna work with Julia and Jason. Might also wanna work with Benji and Ali. Ali is very intuitive because he noticed that it’s important to keep any voting plans under wraps because if word got out of the plan and we’re not actually going to trial, oh hell will be loose!!

So far Julia and Jared are eyeing Madeline as a target and I am here for it! She may have sealed her fate by like going to sleep at this hour but let’s see! She might be faking it lol

Okay fuck you guys for this twist my anxiety is running RAMPANT I know everyone is gonna wanna Vote me for being the youngest I hope you all die and literally choke on your own liver. Anyways my day has been GREAT, thanks for asking!! I feel confident with my comp performance, so hopefully they choose to keep me in?? If not it was nice knowing you guys except Johnny

Oh this- this is terrible. I did so bad on my sandwich tray thing even though at the time I was like IM FUCKIN SPEEDY GONZALEZ WERE GONNA WIN and I scored like 48 but then I find out that everyone else scored somewhere in the 90’s and now it’s just kinda... fuck.

youtube

Blind Tribals? What kind of tomfoolery is this. Im surprised my tribe came up with a consensus of voting off someone this early even though we still have a full 24 hours. I was fully prepared to take charge but I guess I don't have to anymore.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cax7k6-mA-A

^ Video confessional not letting me post tho

So everything has been like a legit clusterfuck and I see this tribes dynamic starting to play out. I think socially I have done my job and excelled. I would say I feel as if I have established a good personal relationship with most of my tribe members except two of them- Madeleine and Michael. Both of them talk very little and it's honestly very frustrating for myself. Not to mention Michael last night sketched me out very bad after we had finished playing the role call part of the immunity. So I had found an error that I had made, and it scared me and I thought I could talk to him about it. I was like, well I hope this doesn't put a target on my back. He responds with this: we can make sure you won't be. will just take some work. Hold the damn phone. It will take some work? Why would it take work period? It just freaked me out so I went to Jason and I told him about it. Jason made me feel more comfortable and I decided to tell him that I trusted him and I was on board with him. So after immunity is done, and the whole blind round twist is revealed I decided to go and talk to basically everyone on the tribe. But Jared stuck out the most to me. He is playing the most aggressive game at this point which I respect. Also, forgot to mention, I trust Ali the most. 100% Ali will be my ride or die person this game. So nothing will come in between the bond we share. Jared decided to throw out Madeleines name out. And I am totally okay with this. He also subtly hinted that Michael would be a good option. But lets be real, I am not a fool and I will not make a big move this first round. This is a tribe of 10 people, not 6 like I'm used too in my prior TS I have played. It is more difficult to rally all the numbers. So this would be the exact reasoning behind my social game I am playing at the moment. I have Jared than tell me he wants to work with Ali, Benj, Himself, and I. This, I can enjoy. I don't have to struggle to protect from this alliance I knew Jared was bound to create, and I didn't have to suggest to include Ali, possibly exposing my relationship with Ali to Jared. On the other hand, I have Ian and Jason who I feel like I can trust in this game. I proposed to Ian I would not vote him out this round, and he said he would do the same for me. I tell Ian that I trusted Jared and we could possibly work with him, and that Madeleines name is being thrown out as the vote. Ian was vague with answering me about working with Jared which sussed me out. But Ian later tells me he wants to work with Jason, Himself and I. So this puts me in TWO potential alliances already in this game. Literally fuck this twist. I am glad my social skills have finally paid off and I am seriously learning from prior mistakes I have made in my orgs from being too abrasive, being too loud, being rude. I had such little self awareness of the way I communicated with people. I would talk and be this extremely social girl but I always left a bitter taste in people's mouth because of how I said things and I had no clue. So I am playing this better game and it is totally opening up new opportunities and all these people I can work with but on the other hand, puts me at a serious disadvantage. If this tribe will be an ultimate flop tribe which I am seriously hoping is NOT the case, I am going to disappoint someone. And that is how you become a target and lose all the hard work you have built up. So even though socially I am totally preforming beautifully compared to my prior three tries at TS, and strategically I wouldn't say anything about that I mean.... it's the first few days of this game. I would say competition wise, or the more physical part of the game I need to get it together. I'm hoping I can motivate this tribe into playing extremely hard for the immunity wins because who freaking knows what could happen? In the best case scenario, I would love for immunity to be brought to my tribe. This would mean that for the next round the target would probably remain the same, and I don't have to get so worked up about who is the new target of the tribe.

https://youtu.be/qsjQtYfiCec <- Video Confessional; Not letting me post

Editors note - I think I’m 80% sure my name’s not going around Bc I think everyone’s under the impression I got us the win for the flag making? Big shrug

Damn this twist has really screwed things. At this point in the game I have some strong (I think) alliances. I'm worried that I have put a target on my back for playing too hard though, and it might be all for not if we find out we won immunity.

https://youtu.be/RR4BRMFKjDU <- Another video confessional that won’t embed lol

What the fuck is this twist like okay sure, tumblr survivor is generally fucking stressful like a pig getting choked im always trying to gasp for air.....this season i am the pig on the spit roast just deceased. I'm a nocturnal pig throughout this game i guess because tribal planning starts like 6 hours ish before tribal and the last 2 hours is the most important and that would be from 4-10am so no sleep for the weak i came to win

https://youtu.be/sarbjplslHk <- Another video confessional that won’t embed

SO I think at the moment my closest allies are Tom & JJ which is a relief because I was intimidated by the two of them at first. The plan for now is to vote for David due to him being the most antisocial out of the bunch. He’s talked to me quite a bit actually but apparently he hasn’t talked to some of the others that much.

The first few days of this game has been really fun. I'm enjoying to get to know everybody, and just dicking off on tribe calls all the time. So far I've really enjoyed looking at Tom & Alex, they're definitely the tribal eye candy.

It seems as though I've gotten myself into a really cute alliance consisting of Alex, Jones, and Jules. A group I've definitely enjoyed talking to the most. I think it'll really work in my favor.

Tom is really fun to talk to, he's giving me truthful information on what planks have been good and bad in the idol search. Which is nice, but it might be a cultural thing, but I can't tell if he likes me or not!?? There's too much sarcasm in his voice.

Mo & Caeleb are really nice, they've both talked to me on a pretty shallow level so far, but I'm enjoying them a lot.

Evan, David, and Willow have been fairly MIA. Evan is on a vacation, so I'm impressed by how much he truly has been able to contribute to the tribe.

As far as the vote goes, I'm debating between Willow, and David. Alex, who I'd really like to work with, really is pushing for David to go home, but David is better at comps, and a less dangerous social player, he hasn't talked to anyone. Whereas Willow is being a social butterfly in everyone's PMs. Seeing that she made runner up in one of her seasons is also a little bit scary.

This twist is scary, but considering my last ORG, its exciting. I felt like my downfall was not being able to forge game relationships with people because I was the last person to attend tribal. Winning every tribal immunity all the way up to the final 13 / 21. Once the merge hit, every time I tried to talk strategy, the person I was talking with would run, and tattle to the person I was trying to target instead of listening to what I was saying, because they had forged game relationships at prior tribal. Being forced to go to tribal regardless of the outcome of immunity should help me solidify game relationships much easier.

I have one question for the twist. WTF DREW???

Right as we found out that both tribes had to go to tribal, Evan was immediately concerned that his name was being thrown out. The boy needs to calm, but I think our connection is really strong and honestly he's fun to talk to. Today though, most people I have been talking to have said David which is perfectly fine, he barely had talked to me at all so I am happy to be a tribe player and vote him tonight if nothing changes. I think people are starting to make connections all around. I really like Willow and have like an on and off thing with Mo and Jules. Tom is the first person to let me in on the vote, and JJ said he'd work with me and not vote me tonight, BUT Tom and JJ and Jones are always in the calls and that's making me nervous they'll have a longterm close bond that could be disastrous if it turns into a Monica, Jervase, Tyson type thing. Also I don't fully trust JJ he's good at talking to everyone. I have my eyes and ears open and I'm just trying to get as much information as I can at this point in the game.

okay I have thoughts and they are 100% NEGATIVE.

so dua lipa cave can CHOKE, i hate this twist so muchhhhh, its gonna give me an aneurysm. I just feel bad, I don't like voting people out and this makes the process so weird and awkward.

Okay like tonight, Madeline is... seemingly going home? And I'm so so sad, she is super sweet, but I think everyone was reluctant to throw out names except Jared who was super, super gung ho about Madeline leaving? Jared is stressing me out akjsldfaf, he is so forward and aggressive as a player, and I can kind of see him burning out and dragging me down with him asdfklaf.

Otherwise, I'm really liking working with Julia, she is super fun and a really savvy player, I hope our alliance can do super good long term! Otherwise, Benj is SUCH A KING, he is so friendly and fun, and we are like really on the same page for game stuff? Those are the only two who its not negotiable, on my watch they are going NOWHERE.

for the rest? I really like Jason, he is just super mellow, like I think if I had to make a winner pick for the season, I'd probably say him? I vibe with him on a personal level woo, could be an ally down the line. Michael I tbh expected to maybe be first boot, but he seems to have unexpected connections! I really like him tho, he is super sweet, its no biggie that he is staying? Mitch/Ian kind of fall into the same category, I really like them but I've not spoken to them... all that much, but I really like them!! Noah I really haven't spoken to too much, and if we do go to tribal tonight, I'd probs want him to go next (Mitch also threw his name out for this round, so it seems I'm not alone on that?).

I feel REALLY REALLY bad about Madeline JKLSADFLSAJFA, like already our tribe is being meninist we do not stan, but also she is so nice. I feel bad and kind of blame Jared for her going grrrr.

Okay I'm gonna wrap this up, hope we don't go to tribal tonight, Madeline stays and we WIN till merge WOO WOO WOOOOOO!

omg also julia is already at #46 for the idol her MIND! i hope she gets it, that'd be iconic. I feel like she must be working with someone to get that far already, maybe Jason? like the host, i need to (nancy) drew and investigate

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRd_z6-ycno <- another non embeded video confessional uwu

Lol idk where this girl came from but Madeline’s a mess.

She vanished after the twist reveal because her “WiFi getting shit down” then suddenly she’s strong arming me to vote Mitch

Sweaty, compared to you I’ve actually interacted with Mitch over the course of this 4 days unlike you.

She claims she’s got Julia, Jason and Noah but I know where they’re really at. If we are going to tribal Madeline’s gone!!

okay tribal is (maybe?) in 6 minutes and I have THOUGHTS:

1. Madeline is make me so nervous, she like says things in the tribe chat and its like AHH idk how to respond, I'm being so obviously shady and its INCREDIBLY clear I voted for her, but idk what to do or say asdkjflsafafjdaf

2. Benj is a king, we are like... on the same page a lot, and someone I wanna go super far with!

3. Madeline gunning for Mitch is weird because... she is targetting him for past placements, when... Ian literally made FTC twice akjsdfslafsa like wut? Also I am screaming at her like saying Mitch isn't denying that she is going home in the tribechat, when she is voting him? I'MMMMMM

4. If I go home, it's been super super fun, and first boot is a cute placement! Benj & Jason have both been first boot before, and I love 'em both, so am joining a great club!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgF_VAczF2g <- Another non embeded video confessional

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fieldfullofbangtan · 6 years

Text

Idol’s Dream Chapter Five

☁️ au: idol!au

☁️ chapter word count: 1.6k

☁️ chapter summary: Kris is amazed by your skills and chooses to sign you.

✎ masterlist

The floor is a beautiful white marble and the walls painted a warm light gray. On the walls were huge posters of album covers that this label had created and Kris’ face was everywhere. Jess and I walked up to the reception and this time the receptionist was a lot nicer, probably because it was a dude.

“Walk down the left hallway and into studio 1” he gestured and smiled.

I bowed my head as a thank you and we started walking down the hall. Now the walls were covered in framed discs. There were not one, not two but SEVEN platinum discs for just Kris’ album Antares it seemed like those frames just went on all the way down the hallway.

“Woah… that’s a lot of platinums…” Jess said, her mouth open out of shock. “OMG what if you get one?”

“Ok let’s calm down Jess I’m not even signed with anyone yet.”

“Yea but I can always dream…” she says and goes to touch one of the framed discs but i swat her hand away.

Studio 1 was actually all the way down the hall and behind double doors. I knock on the door and hear someone say ‘come in’. I take a deep breath and open one of them. I see Kris sitting there with a guy I presume is a producer. The studio is a lot bigger than what I expected with a huge couch, a small bar and a producing area that could fit 5 people behind it. The mixing table faces the room beside it and through the window I can see that it’s a room with soundproof panels with a mic in the middle . Kris smiles like dork when he sees us and introduces us to the other person.

“He’s been bragging about finding you all day” says the producer who I now know is called Louis.

Kris hits him in the back of the head and nervous laughs.

“Lies.” I can’t help but blush, and also become so much more nervous.

Kris starts giving us a fast introduction to the mixing table and all the gadgets. I notice he’s explaining everything very simply and kind of dumbing it down so that we can understand but little does he know I’m fairly used to some of these things. At home I have a lot of these things, but just older, cheeper, crappier versions. They have the newest and fully updated version of a producing software that alone costs 1000$. One of their music mixers alone costs like 20 000$ and they have three.

“What does this thing do?” Jess asks as she points to a knob.

Without thinking I just answer “It controls the trebles intensity”.

Kris and Louis stare at me. “Ok I didn’t even know that” Kris says.

“You know this stuff?” Louis asks and looks almost amazed.

“A little, I have a super cheap mixing board at home” I answer.

“I did not know you produced…?” Kris says still looking dumbstruck.

“Well it barely counts” I laugh, “I downloaded a producing software from pirate bay and bought the only mixing board and mic I could afford. The quality is shit but at least I know the process now.”

“You probably know more than Kris then” Louis laughs.

Kris looks offended, “AGAIN. LIES.”

I continue to tell them the little that I know until Kris asks me if I’m ready to sing.

“As ready as I can be I guess”

They ask me to pick a song to sing and then Kris shows me into the recording booth and explains how far I should stand from the mic etc.. I’m about to sing into a 9 990$ mic in front of Kris Wu

and for some reason, I all of a sudden feel like this is what I’m meant to be doing. The nervousness disappears entirely when they dim the lights in the entire studio. The music starts to play in my headphones and the clarity through these are so much better then the ones I use at home that I get shivers. At this point I’m so immersed in the song that I totally forget the situation I’m in. I just sing my heart out.

When the song fully fades out I come back to reality and open my eyes. Kris and Louis just stare at me and I can see Jess’ eyes filled with tears. Ok I was kind of hoping for a happy reaction… I hear that they start the intercom system but nobody says anything.

“Ok I get why you bragged about finding her god damn” Louis says to Kris after like 1 minute of pure silence.

“This is the first time I hear her sing, I had no idea she had a voice like that” Kris replies to him wide-eyed. I guess they forgot I could hear everything?

“I TOLD YOU SHE WAS THAT GOOD” Jess yells happily, eyes still wet.

They turn off the intercom, signal me to stay and I’m left standing there in the quiet room. I see Jess taking a step back and just observing them. I’m not sure what they are discussing but after like 7-8 years of friendship Jess and I have no issues communicating with just our faces. She gives me the “they are talking about you face” and after 20 seconds she just smiles at me. She looks like she’s about to explode over the fact that she can’t tell me what they are saying but she just gives me the two thumbs up. After a few minutes they wave me out.

“(Y/N) you have some serious talent” Kris says as he sits me down on the couch. “And we are fully committed to signing you, if this is what you want.”

The moment is so surreal I feel like I’m dreaming. But before I can say anything Jess chimes in.

“We will need to see the contract before we verbally agree to anything.” She says with her head held high and acting like a lawyer. She quickly glances at me and shrugs like a “you can thank me later”.

I laugh at her but agree because she’s right. Like always.

Kris asks Louis to go get the papers that are on his office table. A studio and an office? I guess Kris really has a big role in this record label.

“How long have you known each other?” Kris asks us.

“7 years? 8 even?” Jess looks at me for confirmation.

“Yea that sounds about right” I say.

“Huh” He says impressed, “I surprised.”

“Why’s that?” Jess asks now a little hostile.

“You two just seem very different.” Kris explains.

“We are” I answer. “I think that’s why we work so well together.”

“Yup” Jess smiles at me. “As long as we stay off politics, we are the bestest of friends.”

Kris asks question after question and seems genuinely interested in our lives.

“Ok dude what's with all the questions” Jess asks after like the 10th one.

“Oh I’m sorry…” he says realizing he might have come off a little intrusive. “I just wanted to get to you since we could be working with each other a lot from this point on.”

“I don’t mind” I assure him and flick Jess on the leg for being rude.

Right then Louis comes back with a few pieces of paper. He puts it in front of me and Jess and they start to go through the contract together with us, something YH definitely didn’t do. The contract seems a lot more secure than YH’s and I can’t help but feel it’s too good to be true. After going through everything I just have a few questions.

“It looks good, but I just need to clarify some stuff…”

“What's up?” Kris asks.

“I still want to go to uni… how’s that going to work?” I answer, afraid he’s going to make me choose.

“There are ways to solve that, but you can’t be attending a normal uni if you become famous. You can attend one if you’re still fairly anonymous but otherwise your options are probably online school.” Louis answers. “We don’t have any problems with you attending uni but the schools might.”

“Ooh ok. Well that’s good to know. And my second and last question is about this... “ I point to a section in the contract, a little embarrassed to say it out loud.

Kris reads it and chuckles, “The no dating rule? It’s for your own good.” he says.

My own good? What’s that supposed to mean?

“Look. I know it sucks but when your career takes off it’s risky to be dating. First off you don’t want your fame to be based on a relationship, secondly you’ll have a lot less free time and we want you to focus on yourself when you have time off and not somebody else.” Kris says like he read my mind.

“Wait no boyfriend or no sex? Because the latter would just be cruel.”

“Who said no sex? Just no boyfriends or serious relationships.” Kris winks.

“Ok I can deal with that.” I interrupt their playful banter.

The boys light up. “So? Are you going to sign the contract?”

I look to Jess for confirmation and she smiles and nods. I guess this is it then. I pull the papers closer to me, flip all the way to the last page and pick up the pen. Everybody’s staring at me intensely and I feel my adrenaline kicking in.

I sign the paper.

Kris takes them, stands up and reaches his hand out to me to shake my hand.

“Congratulations. You just got yourself a music career.”

#bts fic #exo fic #idol fantasy #bts fanfic #exo fanfic #kris wu #exo kris #wu yifan #kpop #kpop fic #kpop fanfic #exo x you #bts x you #bts teahyung #bts yoongi #bts jimin #bts #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook

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aminellelia-blog · 6 years

Text

Fifty Shades of Grey Parody

This is my very first Tumblr post. I originally wrote this parody last year and posted it on Fanfiction.net, but now I decided to share it here too. If you like Fifty Shades of Grey I recommend you don’t read this story. It’s making fun of it to the fullest extent, because I really don’t like it.

All characters that aren’t part of the original story are covered in bold.

Enjoy!

We pan over Seattle. Bella-err, Anastasia Steele (not sure if it's supposed to be a subtle take on a sex toy) is a cute, clumsy, virginal, college student living there, trying to embody as many of the average female viewers as possible. Spoiler alert: she's less relatable than Bella Swan, which is ironic considering where her flatness originated from.

ANASTASIA'S BOTTOM LIP: OH. EM. GEE. I'm going to be a star!

KATE: Bella, I'm sick, so you'll have to interview that super, hot, sexy, although-kind-of-rapey-but-excused-because-he's-hot guy I was going to interview.

ANASTASIA: I've seen enough porn to know where this is going. YES! I've always wanted to say that line where it made sense.

KATE: Don't push it, girl. You're just interviewing him.

ANASTASIA: And I'm getting a piece of that.

AUDIENCE: Have all innocent-minded asexuals in the world miraculously moved to Mars?

Anastasia finds the bigass building owned by Edward Christian Cullen Grey. Huh, last time I watched *Secretary* he just owned a small office. Blown-up barbie human dolls meet her and is led to the predator's office. Ana, run. RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN, ya dense cow. To be cute, she stumbled over the flat threshold, which I have no idea how you possibly can.

CHRISTIAN: That's so adorable. Wanna have sex?

ANASTASIA: Sex is a tea flavor, right?

CHRISTIAN: Hominah. My name is Christian Grey. While you're on your knees anyway, suck my cock, hoe.

ANASTASIA: What an interesting euphemism for interview. My name is Anastasia St-pff! My friend is sick with the flu and asked me to come here being your next victim in her place. Though, I don't know how a man with toddler eyes could be dangerous.

CHRISTIAN: A slut's mouth shouldn't be moving more than necessary, so get on with your 10-minute interview.

ANASTASIA: Aight. Here's a question every sane viewer asks: How come you are so much richer at a younger age than Mark Zuckerberg was despite not doing shit?

CHRISTIAN: OMG, you stupid, f*cking bitch. How dare you ask me a good question. I can't believe your insolence. Kill yourself.

ANASTASIA: Well?

CHRISTIAN: It's not very relevant, is it? What is relevant is my filthy rich viper up your low-class clam shell.

ANASTASIA: Vipers and clam shells?

CHRISTIAN: Trust me, when it comes to the themes in this film, those are really the best metaphors.

ANASTASIA: Yeah, then...what is your interest outside of work?

CHRISTIAN: Didn't I already answer that? Enough with your audacity. Give me an actual question, if your inferior-to-men mind can afford that, you filthy lowlife.

ANASTASIA: Are you gay? Ain't I cute, reading and spitting out whatever before thinking.

CHRISTIAN: Another good question. What the hell is wrong with you?

ANASTASIA: Morton's Fork is at play, I see.

CHRISTIAN: If you must know, no.

ANASTASIA: Are you a self-serving asshole?

CHRISTIAN: Finally something relevant. Yes, I am. Now, do you have a question you want to ask me instead of your friend's?

ANASTASIA: You've spent this time insulting me and then you ask for my viewpoint. Heh. Okay.

CHRISTIAN: Shut it, hole-to-please-men. I just want to pry and see if you're up for sitting upon this lance or not. Let me give you subtle suggestiveness about it.

ANASTASIA: … You said you're an asshole. Why do I get the feeling that's not true?

AUDIENCE: Because you're numb in the upper story?

A secretary comes in and interrupts the so-called interview. More like a director-to-actor conversation.

SECRETARY: Mr. Grey, you have a meeti-

CHRISTIAN: Are you serious? We only talked for four minutes!

SECRETARY: OH! Yeah. Sorry. My bad. *Leaves*

CHRISTIAN eyes ANASTASIA with a creepy intensity that would rival Hugh Hefner's erection.

CHRISTIAN: I can't be standin' my stupid bitches. At least you seem bland, and that be good enough for me. How about finishin' your finals, then you becomin' my bottom bitch?

ANASTASIA: Throwing away my promising potential future career for becoming a mindless sex slave to a guy who can't stop staring down my vag? I'll think about it. It'll most likely be yes. Who am I kidding, it's yes. Otherwise there would be no plot to speak of.

AUDIENCE: In this case, it would be a good thing.

CHRISTIAN does the rarest thing next to platinum, being an actual gentleman walking ANASTASIA to the elevator. When she walks in, he steals the sheet with questions from her papers without her noticing.

CHRISTIAN: Joinkity-joink!

ANASTASIA walks out, where it conveniently rains. That sex joke was old 20 years ago.

ANASTASIA: Holy Hindu's Cow, that insulting business man made me cream myself, oh so help me. I'm gonna domesticate dat ass.

ANASTASTIA'S VAGINA: Finally, I get to see the light of day!

ANASTASIA'S BOTTOM LIP: LET'S WORK TOGETHER TO TAME HIM!

ANASTASIA'S VAGINA: YAY!

ANASTASIA'S BRAIN: Can I join the party, too?

ANASTASIA'S CLIT: Shove it, punk.

ANA goes home to her and KATE's dorm. KATE is sitting writing their report-thingamajig upon her arrival.

KATE: So how was he?

ANA: Polite, clean, courteous… oh, who am I kidding, he was a douchebag.

KATE: EEEEEE I SHIP IT SO HARD! … did you f*ck?

ANA: Heck, no! I think it will take time getting his misogyny to consent to that. By the way, that "gay" question, total dick move.

KATE: We as a society have to know everything, we can't leave it alone, we have to know every single detail.

ANA: Stop sounding like the 4chan community.

KATE steals ANA'S sandwich she was making.

ANA: You motherf*ck-, you just don't steal sandwiches! You just don't, EVER! Never mind, I will try to get one with the toppings of Grey's mojo… wait did I say that out loud? Holy crap crappity crap crap inner goddess subconscious!

KATE: OMG FAVORITE SHIP OF ALL TIME.

AUDIENCE: … planet Earth sucks.

ASEXUALS: Told ya so!

We get a montage of ANA going to class and meeting her friend JOSÉ when she goes on her way to work.

JOSÉ: Hey, uh… I love you and care about you. I'll show this by being genuinely courteous and caring.

ANA: I'm sorry, but I'm into dicks who want to hurt me by sticking giant Hitachi Magic Wands up my butt. See ya!

JOSÉ: … I can do that, too…

AUDIENCE: DUDE. NO. IT AIN'T WORTH IT.

FAN AUDIENCE: Even we agree.

ANASTASIA gets to her work shift and her phone rings; it's her mother stating she's not coming to her graduat-*yawn* this is not relevant to a wiener pushed up a cooch, so who honestly watching this drivel would give a flying fladoodle? We want action, dammit!

AUDIENCE: Not that we're expecting any worth jacking off to.

CHRISTIAN: *stalking*

ANA: *sees him* Holy shit… I'm so turned on right now.

CHRISTIAN: Pleasant meeting you, future slav- I mean, Ms. Steele…-y Dan. That will be your pet name, oh yeah.

ANA: Just Ana. If you're going to continue stalking me, at least don't be too polite.

AUDIENCE: Yeah, except he was already out of that game to begin with by stalking you. And by being an asshole. And by raping you with his eyes.

CHRISTIAN: Fyi, my sweet ragmuffin, I'm actually here on business. *cough*excepti'mactuallynotandiactuallywantdatass*cough*

ANA: What can I help you with?

CHRISTIAN: Give me some rap- err, rope to strangl- I mean, tie you up- I mean, use erotic asphyxation for- I mean…

ANA: Rope?

CHRISTIAN: … Yeah, rope. Just plain "rope". Let's go with that…

More useless dialogue… Putting in random Tom & Jerry skits would tell the story better.

CHRISTIAN: *senseless flirting*

ANA: *holy-crap-he-talks-to-lil'-ol'-me-blush*

FAN AUDIENCE: Squeeee!111 OMG HE SOH SEXEHH!

AUDIENCE: Quiet! I'm trying to think of a way to excuse myself out of watching this.

FAN AUDIENCE: You just don't get it!

AUDIENCE: Uh, yeah, we do. We really do, pumpkin.

ANA: Thank you for buying at Clayton's, please come again have a great day, bye mmkay!

CHRISTIAN: Here's my phone number. I'm saying I'm offering original photos for your report by giving you this, but it's actually rapist-ese for "I want to penetrate your posterior".

ANA: Thanks come again. *he leaves, beat* I would masturbate now, but I'm so virginal and mentally 12-years old I don't even know how to.

AUDIENCE: Seriously? Just… seriously? Did you get an African circumcision or something?

The poopshoot-photo shoot happen fiddiddlediddlydoo. Of course, he asked her for coffee afterwards, like, the biggest shock since Donald Trump messing up as president… in case you don't get it, not shocking.

CHRISTIAN: Is José your boyfriend?

ANA: No.

CHRISTIAN: Is Paul your boyfriend?

ANA: No.

CHRISTIAN: Then no one will protect you from my sword's impending wrath. Perfect.

ANA: ?

AUDIENCE: The possessive streak isn't a warning signal.

FAN AUDIENCE: Dude, what the hell are you on about?

AUDIENCE: We're just counting the million things not inside Ana's brain. This is one of them, right behind sexual education and common sense.

FAN AUDIENCE: Dude, shut the f*ck up.

AUDIENCE: Nope. You get entertained by this, we get entertained by our thoughts. Win-win.

They go out for coffee. He would much rather do other things involving coffee with her, and I ain't talking about drinking it.

ANA: Woah, scolding hot.

CHRISTIAN: And I would ejaculate if it were all over you burning your skin and making you scream in pain- err, I mean, blow on it. Not just on it, but on my-

ANA: I find you intimidating.

CHRISTIAN: Clever hawk.

ANA: I also find you a high-maintenance obsessed jerk.

CHRISTIAN: Then why do you find me interesting?

ANA: The plot wants me to.

CHRISTIAN: Oh, right. So anyway, your family, what are they like? They must be just as interesting and colorless as you. (Finally got that pesky getting-to-know-her-question out of the way…)

ANA: My dad Ray is cool, and my mom is a romanti-

CHRISTIAN: Jab, jab jab. You?

ANA: Am I romantic? I'm an English major, so yes, I am. Because you have to be a linguist to be able to be passionate with words, and your entire personality hinges on your occupation. Also, this is a complete lie. I'm not romantic. I can't be if I'm lusting after you. But I like to think I am.

CHRISTIAN: *ahw shiet look* I can't deal with delusional dumbasses right now. Come, I'll walk you out, you can't do it yourself.

ANA: Because I'm so stupid?

CHRISTIAN: No, because you're a girl.

AUDIENCE: 100 million. 100 million dollars… *sob*

They go outside for the closest thing this movie can have for DRAMA. The scene is a bigger insult to the word than Ana's wet stain in her panties.

ANA: Look, if you have a girlfriend…

CHRISTIAN: I don't. I'm just going to pretend to have a shred of humanity in me by giving you one last warning that I'm everything you can't want, not that moronic girls like you like bad boys and will want to come back to them. Because this movie likes degrading women and making men into domineering overlords, in case you couldn't tell.

ANA: …OMG I'm going to sob and think about you and watch Nicholas Sparks films while eating chocolate ice-cream and be such a chick about it OMG boohoo! *runs off*

CHRISTIAN: …dammit, I'm horny now. Better find a prostitute.

AUDIENCE: I hope to find something to jack off to myself. Like the bicycle that just ran by and almost hit Ana in the shot.

FAN AUDIENCE: Jeez, you're still going?

ANA and KATE finished their exams and now they're going to party, because assuming you got passed in an exam without knowing first is cause for celebration. And, of course, along with being virginal like a rock in space without the company of another rock, she gets completely plastered. Aww, ain't that just the cutest thing ever?

AUDIENCE: When Rock Lee did it, yes.

FAN AUDIENCE: But, he destroyed everything in his path when drunk?

AUDIENCE: Exactly.

SAM-TAYLOR JOHNSON: Let's up our game in cuteville.

ANA: *not having yet deleted him as contact for some reason, calls Christian* :D

CHRISTIAN: *picks up* Hello?

ANA: Hello. So, uh, this is my cute call to say I need you, man. Dude, I love you. Get over here so we can continue this plot already, you sexy fox. You're so bossy, tho. You need to stop being so controlling, I'm my own woman and I'll get what I want, and that is your dong in my throat.

AUDIENCE: Normally you become stupid when drunk, but she must be so stupid it goes the opposite way or something.

CHRISTIAN: Is this a booty call?

ANA: It's whatever you want it to be, baby. *hangs up*

JOSÉ comes out for the matter-of-time rejection scene with Ana as she has gone outside.

JOSÉ: I love you. Let's kiss.

ANA: No. I don't wannnaaaaa…

JOSÉ: No equals yes equals no equals yes equals no equals yes. Even numbers! That means you want to swallow my tongue. Let's get to it.

CHRISTIAN intervenes and pushes him away, trying to be a knight in shining armor, but since he is who he is, it's more like a kidnapping from the real knight in shining armor by comparison.

CHRISTIAN: Back off man, she's my future rape victim. Get your own.

JOSÉ: *rejected nice guy cockerspaniel eyes* *Leaves*

CHRISTIAN: Let's get you to my apartment.

ANA: No, thanks. I'm with Kate.

CHRISTIAN: I ordered my brother Elliot to go "Date Kate, she's willin'!"-

(A/N: I apologize for that reference, dear folks, but I have to maintain my sanity somehow)

CHRISTIAN: -because siblings are my bitches, too. You're coming with me now, I won't take no for an answer, you're useless by yourself.

ANA: *intimidated* Okay.

AUDIENCE: Crazy f*ck.

FAN AUDIENCE: Aww, he cares about her.

AUDIENCE: I'm pretty sure taking somebody home in hopes of screwing the shit out of them wouldn't fall under the "caring" category in the average dictionary.

FAN AUDIENCE: …is there an off switch on you?

AUDIENCE: So no one with actual brains can sarcastically comment on this to others amusement and make them want to kill themselves less? What do you think, genius?

Ana wakes up in Christian's apartment the next morning. Without even seeing him, hearing him, smelling him or using any of the other five main senses, he's already giving her orders in poor Alice in Wonderland references on the bedside table.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND REFERENCE: I'm only in it for the money.

ANA: Oh my God, an odd moment of out-of-characterness (the most I can have, anyway) makes me realize waking up like this is creepy. I mean, I'm undressed. And where did you sleep?

CHRISTIAN: Next to you.

ANA: OH. MY. GOD.

CHRISTIAN: Don't worry, necrophilia is not my thing.

ANA: What's that got to do with anything?!

CHRISTIAN: … *sigh* I didn't have sex with your sleeping body.

ANA: Why didn't you just say so? What the hell did you mention necrophilia for?

AUDIENCE: Because E.L. James and Sam-Taylor Johnson feel so smug that they know a complicated word they forgot to look up the actual meaning behind it.

ANA'S SUBCONSCIOUS: Don't worry, that's kind of their thing.

CHRISTIAN: *throws toast at Ana* EAT.

ANA: NO. *throws it back*

CHRISTIAN: I ain't playing catch *throws it back* EAT.

ANA: *succumbs, takes a bite*

CHRISTIAN: I'm picking up new clothes for you, too. The ones you wore looked like shit.

ANA: Because I puked on them?

CHRISTIAN: Yeah, that too. *takes off shirt for absolutely no reason*

ANA'S VAGINA: Hominah hominah hominah hominah

FAN AUDIENCE: HELL YEAH, WE'RE FINALLY IN FOR KINKY STUFF!

AUDIENCE: Kill me…

CHRISTIAN'S ABS: Hey, baby, wanna go back to my place?

ANA'S CLIT: You bet your ass I wanna!

CHRISTIAN'S ABS: Cool. Let's just hope our hosts agree.

ANA'S CLIT: GDAMMIT.

ANA'S BRAIN: LOL!

ANA'S CLIT: STFU

ANA: Why did you take me here?

CHRISTIAN: Haven't I made that clear a million times already? I can't leave your sexy pooper alone, because I wanna do it.

ANA: …then don't. Leave it alone, I mean.

ANA'S CLIT: LOL!

ANA'S BRAIN: STFU

CHRISTIAN: You don't understand… oddly enough. I'm into BDSM. I like hardcore spanking-your-ass-til-you-bleed kink. I'm not into romance, I only like the aspects coming from it. You wouldn't be able to handle it.

ANA: Wanna bet?

CHRISTIAN: …50 bucks?

ANA: Deal. But I'll have to work first. Let's meet at 7 pm.

CHRISTIAN: 'Kay.

ANA'S BOTTOM LIP: *attention whoring*

CHRISTIAN: I'd like to bite that lip.

AUDIENCE: *snort laugh* I'm sorry, that's… just… beautiful. This would make an awesome comedy film. Just leave out the violent abuse, and you've got material better than Adam Sandler's.

CHRISTIAN: But I want you to write consent to that.

ANA: Ok.

AUDIENCE: *ROARING LAUGHTER*

FAN AUDIENCE: What's so funny? Lip-biting may be classified as rape in Wyoming!

They go to the elevator to take Ana home, with the latter doing some more cute lip-biting.

CHRISTIAN: That's a dealbreaker!

AND SEXY MAKEOUT TIEMZ ARE HAD LMAO.

They get to Ana's apartment and MORE SEXY TIEMZ ARE HAD… by Kate and Elliot, that is.

FAN AUDIENCE: Oh, come ON! When are the things we paid for coming?

SAM-TAYLOR JOHNSON: Patience. If we made it shorter, the movie would be cheape- I mean, the movie wouldn't follow the original novel.

ANA: Okay, I did not have to see that.

CHRISTIAN: Only if it were you and I in a mirror. *slasher smile*

ANA: Whu…?

The boys leave for the girls to have girls talk which is stupid as per usual. (A/N: Before you say anything, I'm female. Who find this kind of girl talk stupid. I'm not explaining it further).

KATE: Now did you f*ck?

ANA: No.

KATE: Damn! How slow are you, girl?

ANA: I barely know him, Kate.

KATE: So what?

AUDIENCE: Because true love doesn't have to revolve around sex and in actuality comes down to respect and understanding from both parties' ends and being happy just spending time with your partner in terms and ways that aren't constantly related to your genitals?

FAN AUDIENCE: Ha! What kind of gay theory is that?

AUDIENCE: The theory from dawn of time.

FAN AUDIENCE: …Well, the world is progressing.

AUDIENCE: Negatively, yes.

FAN AUDIENCE: For crying out loud, when will you shut up?!

AUDIENCE: When they give up on continuing the series.

FLYING-IN-A-STUPID-HELICOPTER-MONTAGE: *plays music by Ellie Goulding far surpassing the quality of this film*

Their helicopter ride got them to an apartment more classy than any mansion somewhere else, which isn't where they were before at least, and wine is had. There is a non-disclosure agreement set on the table in front of Ana.

ANA: What is that?

CHRISTIAN: It's a contract with terms and conditions about discussing our relationship, sexually or no, with anyone. My frickin' lawyer is involved with it, because rutting back and forth is formal business.

ANA: Wow, I had no idea you were so organized. That's hot.

AUDIENCE: Controlling is more like it.

ANA signs it without reading its entirety, making her agree to become a HUMANCENTiPAD with two others that… oh, sorry, wrong show. I just find that scene more arousing than anything in this.

ANA: Are you gonna make love to me now?

CHRISTIAN: I don't make love. I f*ck. Hard.

AUDIENCE: That line is too magnificent to comment on.

FAN AUDIENCE: GOOD. I was about to bash your head in.

Ana isn't frightened, because those words are calming for a virgin. She asks why this is, and he takes her to his "playroom".

CHRISTIAN: Beyond this door, there's a playroom.

ANA: Like your Xbox and stuff?

AUDIENCE: How the hell are you 21?

CHRISTIAN: If by Xbox you mean anal play thing, then yes. Not that I would expect a hair-brained idiot like you to use sexual euphemisms.

He takes out a key.

CHRISTIAN: Anyway, know that you can leave at any time. If it's too much for you, I completely understand. Just know that the helicopter is outside and I'm not forcing you into anything. Just relax, don't panic when you see it, just tell me. Calm down, calm down CALM DOWN CALM DOWN!

ANA: YOOUUUU calm down!

AUDIENCE: The Three Stooges slapstick would be comedy gold right now.

ANA: Try me, Mr. Man.

ANA'S BRAIN has been beaten to unconsciousness by the other three main emotions of hers.

ANA'S CLIT: Welcome to kinkville, faggot.

The door is opened, and she's presented to the very sexual definition of "playroom".

ANA: HOLY SHIT.

In terror, she looks at his perverted stash of sex toys. Stepping forward, she takes an even breath and touches one of them thoughtfully. Christian walks up behind her.

CHRISTIAN: That's a flogger.

ANA: Yeah, because when I see a room full of sexual equipment meant for blurring the thin line between pain and pleasure I'm not even familiar with as I'm a virgin I wonder what the hell a feathery sex toy is called.

CHRISTIAN: Didn't you?

ANA: …yeah, I did.

CHRISTIAN: Well, then. What do you think?

SILENCE: *appropriate*

CHRISTIAN: Say something. Please.

ANA: Well, sorry, but this is a lot to take in! I have never had sex, after all! Do you expect me to just up and "This is cool, let's roleplay as Batman and Catwoman while I'm tied up in the most humanly degrading position possible with these ropes over here"?

CHRISTIAN: …yes? I mean, only if you want me to.

AUDIENCE: Well, how the heck can she know if she wants to, dumbass?

CHRISTIAN: Well, I'm a dominate. That means I want you to willingly surrender yourself to me. There are my set of rules I want you to follow; if you follow them, reward awaits. If you don't, you'll be punished.

ANA: By using this stuff on me?

CHRISTIAN: No, by saying mean things to you that would hurt your widdle feewings- of course with this stuff, lummox!

AUDIENCE: You know that South Park fanfiction "Kyle in Chains"? That story explained BDSM a hell of a lot better.

FAN AUDIENCE: That story didn't even revolve around BDSM.

AUDIENCE: Exactly.

ANA: What would I get out of this?

CHRISTIAN: Aside from bruises? Me.

ANA: And if I refuse?

CHRISTIAN: You won't be getting me, genius. That's how bargains work.

They leave the room to head for a different room.

CHRISTIAN: If you agree, this will be your room during the weekends while we spend the entirety of it having hardcore sex in mine. We'll discuss negotiations later and sounding so formal when talking about something so ridiculous as this is just laughable.

ANA: …what if I wanted you in a romantic way?

CHRISTIAN: That will never work.

ANA: But-

CHRISTIAN: I said no. I can only have this type of relationship. I only get off on making my girls suffer. Being tender and loving towards them makes me sick to my stomach. It's so gay. Because people practicing bondage don't have feelings and are cold-hearted monsters like me.

ANA: Aren't you being a bit close-mi-

CHRISTIAN: No, I'm not. Now shut up.

AUDIENCE: F*cking bigot.

CHRISTIAN: Now, I have a contract prepared detailing what kind of pain I want to serve on your pretty little ass. I'll let you decide what I can do to you, except I will not.

ANA: I wouldn't know how. Because like my naïvity about this subject has strongly implied during the last few days, I'm a virgin.

CHRISTIAN: What is that, what is vur-geen? Never heard of it. *gets whispered information by Sam-Taylor Johnson* Holy crap, that's a concept?!

He retaliates in shock and rests his forehead in his palm.

CHRISTIAN: Just… a life without sex. What kind of life is that? Is it the life of the dismayed? Do you live in New Jersey?

ANA: Maybe lives don't revolve around sex.

CHRISTIAN: Dare say that again and I will slap the shit out of you.

AUDIENCE: And we all know perfectly well you'd follow up on that word.

Christian empathically cradles her face in his hands, feeling sorry for her for something one shouldn't feel sorry for anyone about.

CHRISTIAN: Poor baby. You don't know how it feels to be penetrated by a pink-headed womb broom in your octopus taco? My God. I can't imagine the pain you're enduring.

ANA: Um… I'm not hurting.

CHRISTIAN: Yes, you are. Without knowing it. I don't know how you can feel pain without knowing it, but that's beside the point. I need to save your honor by f*cking you until your pussy has turned to mush.

ANA: Didn't you say you wouldn't touch me until I wrote my consent?

CHRISTIAN: Look, you want me to make tender, passionate, affectionate love to you or not?

ANA: *instantly forgets what she just said* Of course, *swoony-woony*. Let's hit the sack, bad boy!

AUDIENCE: Finally! Let's see if the trailers put the money where their mouths are.

They take an awful long time to strip each other…

AUDIENCE: Okay…?

Take more time stripping one another…

AUDIENCE: OKAY?

Now he's slowly caressing her from top to bottom.

AUDIENCE (ANGRY VIDEO GAME NERD VOICE): WHAT THE F*CK?!

FAN AUDIENCE: *smiles awkwardly*

SAM-TAYLOR JOHNSON: Perfect! That fills the tenderness quota for the film. Now, what more can arouse the viewer? Ah, yes, close-ups of Dakota's nipples and Jamie's hairy ass, of course!

AUDIENCE: *grossed out*

SAM-TAYLOR JOHNSON: And his refusal to let her touch him during her first time is so hot OMGGG, I'm 'bout to bust my puss… OH… OOOOHHHHHHH…. Ah, done. Get me some tissues, E.L James. I'm finished.

E.L. JAMES: THAT WAS BLOODY AWESOME, I GOTTA SAY! There's no way any one can not get hot and bothered by this.

FAN AUDIENCE: …WTF. We paid to see porn! Instead we got close-ups of skin and poorly-acted orgasms.

SAM-TAYLOR JOHNSON: You paid to see Fifty Shades of Grey. Now shut up and beat it. Literally. 'Cause this is what you're getting.

FAN AUDIENCE: FFFFMMMLLL…

Some more SMEXY TIEMZ are had, but it further reinforces the wish among the audience that they could be watching a good-quality video of drying paint instead. Because it would be more sexually stimulating than anything we've been shown so far, including the hot tub sex…

AUDIENCE: You know? I would be a million times more excited had the main characters been Hannibal Lecter and Clarice Starling instead.

FAN AUDIENCE: But he's literally a murderous psychopath!

AUDIENCE: Exa-*gets punched by fans* -oof!

ANA: So where's the 50 bucks you owe me?

CHRISTIAN: Not so fast, I have yet to- *hears steps downstairs* oh, shit! Mommy's here!

CHRISTIAN'S BOLOGNIA WAND: Retreat! Retreat!

ANA'S BRAIN: So I guess this is the only sense of dignity he has, huh?

ANA'S CLIT: You still alive, asshole?

They go downstairs to greet Christian's mother (whom is not the one described in the book as the "crack whore" I hope…)

CHRISTIAN'S MOM: Hey, how is my baby today? Is he feeling like the same shit-load amount of money he's got for doing nothing but sexing random ladies up?

CHRISTIAN: MOOOOOOOOOMMM, I was having a lady over for SEEEEEEEEXXX…

CHRISTIAN'S MOM: Hush, dear, I know you have to do something to not bore yourself to death in your spoiled rotten rich life.

CHRISTIAN: *childish pout*

Ana reaches her hand out to greet her hopefully-not-future-mother-in-law, which the latter grabs.

ANA: Hello~

CHRISTIAN'S MOM: Oh, you must be his new toy! It is a pleasure to meet you, the 105th girl in his woman-of-the-week-parade. How's your bottom?

ANA: Well-

CHRISTIAN'S MOM: Oh my, you must be a very special girl whom he could hopefully settle down with forever; I've never met such a chunk of platinum like you! How would you like to come to a family dinner so we could get more acquianted with a rare gem such as yourself?

ANA: Umm…

CHRISTIAN's MOM: Perfect. I'll make the arrangements. You just go get yourself ready in that wedding gown, sweetheart.

CHRISTIAN: Uhm, mommy? Shut up. You're embarrassing me.

CHRISTIAN'S MOM: My dear boy, don't be embarrassed. I think you and her could become something. She's so extraordinary compared to all the other strumpets you've fooled around with. I just look at her and think perfection.

ANA: Fart.

CHRISTIAN'S MOM: EXCELLENCE! Well, I'll be heading out now.

AUDIENCE: Just a heads up, she didn't really say "fart", we just put it there because she might as well have.

FAN AUDIENCE: How are you able to do that?

AUDIENCE: Sarcasm is a superpower, numbskull. Have you lived under a rock among brainless babies on North Sentinel Island in the Bay of Bengal or something?

FAN AUDIENCE: What?

AUDIENCE: What?

AUTHOR OF THIS PARODY: *obviously out of sarcasm fuel*

The duo, not couple, comedy DUO, goes upstairs to have some penis-to-vag, err, heart-to-heart. They can't even have brain-to-brain… or foot-to-foot for that matter.

ANA: *suddenly jealous* How many women have stayed in here?

CHRISTIAN: *quick* 15.

ANA: That's a lot of women…

AUDIENCE: Nah, sweet-ums, you're barely scratching the surface. He has had more women than there are Undertale AUs.

FAN AUDIENCE: And how do you know that?

AUDIENCE: How do you not know that?

ANA: I still don't want out. You're shaking with anticipation of beating me senseless in ways thinly veiled as pleasurable, not promising any tenderness and romance whatsoever despite you having said that's what I want, and not claiming you'll stop being a control freak in every little aspect of my life. But I still don't want out. I'm now going to contradict what I just said by being catty about agreeing to it.

CHRISTIAN: Well, your call. I promise, it will be very pleasurable and satisfying to be doing hardcore kink even when it's a new thing to you and may not be your thing after all. Just ignore the bleeding out of your pink sock and excessive pain that will come with it, it's all in the name of mind-numbing pleasure.

ANA: Well, if I do get sexual pleasure out of it, I guess I could think about it.

CHRISTIAN: You getting pleasure? What in- oh! Yeah…! Right…

ANA: Also, why don't we sleep like a normal couple? Why do we have to sleep in separate rooms?

AUDIENCE: Haven't you been listening to what he said at all? Aside from "You. Me. Bandicooting"?

CHRISTIAN: Because like I've already demonstrated to true BDSM practicioners' frustrations, people into this kind of stuff are cold-hearted dicks not giving squat about their partner's feelings, so naturally, they must be portrayed as such and hate warm, tender intimacy.

AUDIENCE INTO BDSM: Screw this film. Screw it with a ten-foot pole coated in sulfuric acid.

AUDIENCE: … *slow clap*

ANA: You know what? Screw this. Screw you. I'm leaving. I'm my own woman, dammit. I don't want a creep like you to be controlling me, thank you very much. I'm going home. Don't touch me.

Ana leaves determined. Everyone in the theatre quietly gawk in awe at the scene unfolded.

AUDIENCE: Holy crap, what's happening?! She's turning awesome!... did she get drunk again?

…only to have this moment of awesome be crushed into tiny bits when she's letting Christian drive her home.

ANA: Yeah, I know, but drive me home, then I'll be my own woman.

AUDIENCE: It's going to go on like this, ain't it?

Then he doesn't drive her straight home, but to a secluded area in a forest where no one can hear them for miles, and will provoke the makers of films like the Pumpkinhead into filing complaints of plagiarism. Because this kind of plot could very well set off when you have a character like Christian Grey. Anyhow, Ana is being stupid as she agrees to walk with him in the woods, furthering setting in stone that her subconscious will make her do as he says no matter what… as she dances in that bright red hula skirt and stomps her foot and makes a triple-axel jump or whatever.

ANA: So what made you realize that hurting women is sexually gratifying to you?

CHRISTIAN: I was sexually abused by a family friend when I was 15.

ANA: That's terrible!

CHRISTIAN: No, it was awesome. 'Doesn't matter, had sex', y'know? You're the pity pig here, as you were still a loser virgin prior to me fixing your shameful treatment of your body by not sticking stuff up your every orifice. Freak.

They walk near a bridge out to the open waters.

CHRISTIAN: Nobody knows. Not my mommy, not my brother, not anyone. And this is not a problem I should have called the police for since she f*cked me up, cuz…doesn't matter, had sex. It was intimidating for me at first, too, but I eventually came to consent to her sexual abuse of a minor. Hear that, pedophiles? Sexually abuse a child enough, and they will eventually like it!

AUDIENCE: In the name of everything sacred, E.L. James, do you plan to brainwash the whole planet into bowing down to you, too? 'Cause I can already see the pedos starting to kneel down.

ANA: So, what? You're saying just because you liked it eventually, I'm going to, too?

CHRISTIAN: Exactly. There's no such thing as asexuality, discomfort/fear of sex, lack of a sex drive, a job, work, vacation, your family, spirituality, love, whatever. I don't know how those damn things are even concepts, mind you. I didn't have to give a shit about anything anymore. I didn't need to take responsibility for anything, I can just be whatever douchebag I feel like, 'cause I can disguise it as being a 'dominate'. When I felt that climax of my first time, I felt free and wonderful. It's my world. It's everything. It's my life. And if you let me, it can be yours, too.

ANA: *sceptic*

CHRISTIAN: You're the only girl I want this with. You're the only one I rode with in that helicopter, and had sex with in my own bed. You're specially speshuul, gurl.

ANA: *beams*

CHRISTIAN: *Phew-I-hope-I-didn't-forget-to-throw-out-Caitlyn's-panties-out-of-the-backseat-of-that-helicopter-grimace*

AUDIENCE: Oh. He pulls the "you're-the-only-one"-manipulation card. Nice touch.

CHRISTIAN: I've never slept next to anyone. Ever.

AUDIENCE: Except for your cousin Burt in 4th grade on a camping trip. Better watch out for her finding out you're lying, mac!

FAN AUDIENCE: Okay, will anyone shut this jackass up?

They share a soaring kiss, exchanging trust that shouldn't be there, lies, uncertainty, manipulative words… not saliva. Doggone it, not saliva. It would almost have been enough to compensate for the boredom of this scene. Then again, because it's FSoG, I would have complained, either way.

He then drives her home, but she seems to have a different attitude, but that's normal. That's what every person under Christian's manipulation would be. Not accepting, just… deluded. Insanely deluded.

CHRISTIAN: Contract. Read. Choice. Sex. *would have crossed out the next to last point initially but realized it would have scared her away from being his plaything so he didn't*

ANA: *nods* *grabs contract* *walks inside*

CHRISTIAN: *cartoony villain hand fidgeting* All according to plan.

ANA walks in having been given a new computer by Christian whom she talked to mere seconds ago. Oh, an he also gave her first-editions of some books she likes earlier in the film, but whatever. Didn't find that a crucial detail other than adding to the "I-shower-you-with-gifts-so-you-must-do-as-I-say" manipulation scale.

AUDIENCE: What's the difference between Christian Grey and Ted Bundy? Bundy at least tried to be charming when luring his victims.

FAN AUDIENCE: … *snorts a laugh*

AUDIENCE: What was that?

FAN AUDIENCE: I'm… just… I'm having a cold.

AUDIENCE: Uh-huh.

Kate is there being useless for a while and then Ana begins using the laptop. Apparently, it doesn't need to have information of the owner when signing up, nor a battery it seems, as it's immediately on. Now they're having e-mail contact, but I'm just going to speed-forward this segment taking its course over a few days (which requires talent to pad out, if you ask me) because it's useless filler about kinkmania fake trivia.

TwinkleTwinkleWittleStar (ANA) has logged in.

HardcorePattycakeWithPoppedCherryOnTop (CHRISTIAN)has logged in.

HardcorePattycakeWithPoppedCherryOnTop: Use this computer for research on BDSM. Since your own computer is obviously incapable of that.

TwinkleTwinkleWittleStar: ok!11 ^^ but waiiii… are u gunna keep orderinh me around liek dis? cuz if u r den fuk of :)

HardcorePattycakeWithPoppedCherryOnTop: You first want to be dominated and now you don't? This is the reason I don't value bitches above a hole. Anyway, to answer your question for the millionth time this hour, yes, I want to dominate you, and you will love it. I've already covered this issue with sarcasm so let's just move on.

TwinkleTwinkleWittleStar: yea well…your the boss. what shud I search derpityderpderp? :)

HardcorePattycakeWithPoppedCherryOnTop: Well, wth do you think?

TwinkleTwinkleWittleStar: PUPPIES! :)

HardcorePattycakeWithPoppedCherryOnTop: Yeah… had we been searching on the deep web for crush porn. Just search 'submissive', Gena Leung.

TwinkleTwinkleWittleStar: okidokiee!

HardcorePattycakeWithPoppedCherryOnTop: Well?

TwinkleTwinkleWittleStar: HOLY CRAPPY CRAP UP MY CRAPPER U WANT 2 DO DIS SHIET 2 ME LIEK WTF WTH IS WRONG WITH U U WAN 2 TY ME UP WITH LIL LETHERSTRAPPIES

HardcorePattycakeWithPoppedCherryOnTop: Of course I don't, mooncalf. I don't want to use any damn leather. Fish leather can't hold for poop. I need real stuff like rope to tie you down.

TwinkleTwinkleWittleStar: I DUNNO. I DUNNO ANYMORE

HardcorePattycakeWithPoppedCherryOnTop: Hey, relax, guy!

TwinkleTwinkleWittleStar: I AM PERFETCLY CALM. I JUST FORGET TO SHUT OF DUH CAPSLock is all. There. No butt serius thats som messed shit ur in 2 and I dun wanna be parg ovit. I just lost my virgin & I think I need 2 get used 2 mission before trying dog cat monkey coleacanth style or whatev its bn nice nwing you tho, hop u can find someone consentign. Kisses 33333 XOXOXOXOX CU

HardcorePattycakeWithPoppedCherryOnTop: …

HardcorePattycakeWithPoppedCherryOnTop has logged off.

TwinkleTwinkleWittleStar: wut

TwinkleTwinkleWittleStar: helo

Ana just got home from running when a looming, frightening, terrifying silhouette of a serial killer emerges from the darkest deepest corners of the shadows' domain, and- oh, wait. It's Christian.

AUDIENCE: What's with that surprised pause?

Expectly, this scares Ana's tits off, except not, otherwise Christian would have lost interest in her the instant she had had.

ANA: Holy crap on a crapper!

CHRISTIAN: YOU SHOULD HAVE RESPECTED MY AUTHORITAH. *proceeds to rape her*

I wish it was a typo. I wish upon Geppetto's star it was a typo. But it isn't.

AUDIENCE: Like, shit! We knew he was a creeper as we accused him of being a rapist, but we didn't think he would actually be one! …Our intuition was actually correct?

FAN AUDIENCE: Thanks a lot for jinxing it! Okay, you were right, we're admitting it. Happy now? Feeling better with your inflated ego further stroked?

AUDIENCE: Depends… do you know the Ashiatsu Massage Technique?

Some wacky looney adventures ensue involving ice-cubes, spanking, and raping of Ana in thin guise as kink. Hey, everytime he roughly thrusts into her as she gasps in pain, let's take one shot! That way we can survive this.

AUDIENCE: Two. Two shots.

And let's put in "Haunted" by Beyoncé as some mood music for the hot steamy scene of… taking these shots. What other steamy scene would there possibly be? No, seriously. Enlighten me.

AUDIENCE: Wait… this is way too fitting. Did you plan this, Sammy?

SAM TAYLOR-JOHNSON: Rape fantasy, bitch… HHHHHGGGGGNNNNN *climaxes*

AUDIENCE: …I'll take that as an "obviously I did, you idiot".

We cut to them laying in bed at night having some pillowtalk.

ANA: That was amazing.

ANA'S BRAIN: You know, you could say it wasn't rape anymore when you consented, but it was still rape because you initially didn't.

ANA'S VAGINA: Okay, this? Has got to, like, stop.

ANA'S BRAIN: I have to stop? Cutiepie. Hadn't it been for me, we would have been dead right now. I'm the only common sense she has provided to stay catty to his bossiness. Considering I'm in the minority, that says a lot about her intelligence.

ANA'S VAGINA: Well, then, why don't you stay in the minority and let us handle this, scrote?

ANA'S BRAIN: BRAIN LIVES MATTER

Ana wants to touch Christian, but…

CHRISTIAN'S BODY: Eyy, f*ck off, bitch, you be treadin' on private territory.

AUDIENCE: Ain't that hypocrisy more delicious than grandma's blueberry pie.

CHRISTIAN: So, anyway, are you gonna sign that contract? Not that it matters anyway, I would just rape you until you finally agreed to it. Boy, aren't negotiations always the best and most fair solutions? I win something out of it both ways, too.

ANA: Yeah, no. I dunno yet. You just raped me but I might still want in.

ANA'S BRAIN: *slowly getting dissipated from the power of dumbassness* NOOOOOOOO!

Christian walks up with a disappointed look and proceeds to put his clothes on.

ANA: Wait, you're more butthurt than I am?

CHRISTIAN: No, not really. I just have to go home and make a new list of ways to rape you in manners that would help persuade you. I was thinking of something with the word "cleveland steamer" in it next.

Ana reads the contract for a few days and decides that in order to avoid another rape, she could at least pretend interest by ordering som insanely dumb formal meeting between the two of them about the contract, which she isn't going to sign anyway, and only exist to pad out this movie more, because more the merrier, it makes green in pocket. Let's water it with dirty talk and sexual lube fluids.

ANA: Conditions: strike this out, strike that out, strike blah out…

CHRISTIAN: *sob* Okay. *grabs ice-cream* I don't know why I'm not giving up on you and just hire a prostitute. That's what Donald Trump is doing.

AUDIENCE: Because you're not just rich, both of your literal heads are also thick. I guess your income doesn't match your IQ.

ANA: What are butt plugs?

CHRISTIAN: *begins a "shit-are-you-serious" look but gets interrupted by his sla- err…aw, heck, why hide it, his slaves*

His goons come in to leave food and...yeah, that's it. Then they leave.

ANA: Okay, what was the point of adding that to the film?

CHRISTIAN: To further rub it in your face how rich I am and how luxurious I live and will make you agree to this contract and I'm not giving you all the details of what all the tools will be used for because miscommunication is also standard for BDSM.

AUDIENCE INTO BDSM: *claps in strained joy, pukes blood*

CHRISTIAN: You know, I'm pretty impressed with your devotion to this contract, I didn't expect that since no other subject was.

AUDIENCE: Because they were smart?

CHRISTIAN: Tell you what, once a week, we'll go on a date. As a couple. But all the other days of the week you'll bend to my will and I will f*ck you in every way I choose, and if you refuse, I'll abu- err, punish you.

AUDIENCE: You're still trying to hide it?

ANA: OMG, you care about me?! That's so romantic!

CHRISTIAN: Sure, whatever. We can watch a movie… have you ever seen Backdoor Sluts 9? Fritz the Cat? No wait, I know… Pinocchio! That donkey transformation scene is my favorite porno.

ANA: I believe I haven't. Enlighten me, then?

CHRISTIAN: App, app, app, only on that one day of the week, skank.

They finish up this "business meeting" and they talk the dirty that would water dollar greens and money trees.

CHRISTIAN: (actual line) I would like to f*ck you into the middle of next week.

ANA: *smiles, flattered*

AUDIENCE: Would screaming in agony at her messed up reaction to that statement be overreacting?

FAN AUDIENCE: We don't know anymore.

ANA: Anywayz, I want to leave to review these changes and then I'll decide. Could you hold in your kinky sex-pee just a widdle while longer?

CHRISTIAN: *growling impatiently* Would f*cking you on this table help you decide faster? Because, as you remember, I can just rape you until you consent.

ANA: Mew?

CHRISTIAN: You want me to make love to you. I can see it; you're pressing your thighs together, your breathing's turning uneven, your complexion… you're flushed.

ANA: Did you just describe trying to hold in a fart?

CHRISTIAN: If you did stay, I would *dirtytalkdirtytalkdirtytalkdirtytalkdirtytalkdirtytalk*

SAM-TAYLOR JOHNSON: Well? Are you getting excited? Cuz I sure am, ohohohoh! You naughty boy, Christian, you!

FAN AUDIENCE: I can't get it up/wet to save my life.

SAM-TAYLOR JOHNSON: Need help? Lower-lip-bite?

FAN AUDIENCE: No don't you get it? YOU SUCK! Watching my grandmother naked would make me climax faster!

AUDIENCE: OH, SNAP!

E.L. JAMES: You just don't get it.

FAN AUDIENCE: Says someone whose toxic vagina hasn't gotten action in probably 20 years and needed to write something as dry and simple as this to get horny.

AUDIENCE: OOOOHHH OHHHHHHH 360 NO SCOPING LIKE F*CK

Ahem, anyway, back to the story. Ana decides to leave, for some reason not given, I guess, immediately. Anyway, Ana's being a little of a tease, which I don't think will help him hold further back from taking her over and over against her will like a daffodil being forced to open its petals before spring has properly matured. I'm sorry, I'm trying to sound funny. I know it's not working.

ANA: This will have to wait, I'm gonna go graduate.

CHRISTIAN: Again? Because you failed the first one?

ANA: No, this is the first one.

CHRISTIAN: Oh, that wasn't over yet? …f*ck a duck.

They graduate and Christian has a speech at the graduation in order to be an attention whore. Ana meets her dad afterwards.

ANA'S DAD: I'm so proud of you. My little girl graduated with honors and will begin a successful career. I'm so moved.

AUDIENCE: Okay, now this is just sad.

CHRISTIAN: Woah, she's talking to her dad she hasn't seen for a long while? Time to butt in and be a possessive creep!

ANA'S DAD: Oh, hello. So you're Ana's boyfriend? Pleasure to meet you. I enjoyed your speech greatly. How long have you two known each other?

CHRISTIAN: Excuse me, sir, I couldn't hear you over the prospective scream of pain I'll envoke from her when we have damaging sex tonight. Also, over the cameraman wanting a shot. Pardon.

Christian pulls Ana close for the shot despite her discomfort.

AUDIENCE: Any sane father would cut his testicles off at this point. So he's either insane or a step-father how would personally do the same.

They later have champagne.

CHRISTIAN: To celebrate the fact that nothing stops you from signing that damn contract already. Oh, and your graduation.

ANA: *looks down*

CHRISTIAN: Bitch, did you just roll your eyes at me? Oh my God, you insolent little snitch. I'm going to spank yer arse if ye do that again, lassie.

AUDIENCE: Why don't you just admit there's no need for a contract already?

CHRISTIAN: By the way, I've got you a gift.

AUDIENCE: Is it her freedom?

CHRISTIAN: Not even close, it's a brand new car.

ANA: Holy shnapcaronis, a new car? A new car. A new car! I can't take it, it's too much. I have my own.

CHRISTIAN: No, you see, you have to take it, because I sold the one you already had.

ANA: F*ck, are you serious now?! What the hell is wrong with you?! It was my damn car!

AUDIENCE: Is it finally dawning on her now?

CHRISTIAN: Wait, bitch, did you just roll my eyes at me again? Did you just have the insolence of being rightfully angry at me for selling something that wasn't mine but I think I can sell anyway because I think money gives me authority? That's enough. You're getting a spanking, you naughty girl.

AUDIENCE: FOR DOING WHAT?!

Christian proceeds to spank her with the agressivity of a newborn puppy.

AUDIENCE: Oh. Well, that alleviates things somewhat.

FAN AUDIENCE: How dare she not accept a gift when he sold her stuff without telling her first. How dare she. Why doesn't he the next time just kill her mom and then put her on the Judas Cradle for daring to cry over her death?

AUDIENCE: …wait, are you agreeing with us?

FAN AUDIENCE: …no?

Christian leaves after getting his nightly get-off and Ana gets a call from her mother.

ANA'S MOM: Hi, honey. My mother senses are tingling that something is completely and utterly wrong with you at this time. Wanna talk?

AUDIENCE: What, have your mother instincts been on vacation during this whole movie?

ANA: *silently cries* Mama…

ANA'S MOM: What's wrong? Honey, what is bothering you?

ANA: *sob* I dunno if he's making me happy. He's so weird, I'm… so confused.

ANA'S MOM: You know, come down whenever you want to talk. I'm here. Well, I always have been. I don't know what took you so long to realize you need sense beaten into you.

ANA: That's… I might do that.

Then she goes and makes out with the same prick they just talked about.

AUDIENCE: No comment.

SAM-TAYLOR JOHNSON: Time for more baking baby-batter, baby!

FAN AUDIENCE: *Feelings of emptiness*

E.L. JAMES: Ohhhh yeahhh…

FAN AUDIENCE: *Feelings of the suicidal kind and emptiness*

After the movie's hourly sex, they head to have dinner with his family. You know? The one they promised earlier in the film…? Yeah, I didn't remember either, I had to look back at what I had written.

Believe it or not, they actually have a decent talk. His family is nice, like his mother, and brother… too bad the reason she's there is a posessive rap- you know what? We should invent a new word for this guy. How does Christianity sound?

AUDIENCE: That one's taken, dumbass. Just go with Christian.

FAN AUDIENCE: Isn't that one taken too?

AUDIENCE: Oh, come on!

ANA: Yeah, my mother lives in Georgia. I'm going to visit her tomorrow.

CHRISTIAN: You're trying to be your own woman? How dare you! When were you gonna tell me this?

ANA: Woah, chill the hell out. I'm just going to visit her. It's not like I'm out of our bargain and planning to move as far away from you as possible, even though that's what my brain has been nagging me about doing.

CHRISTIAN: You're implying there's a difference between those notions.

They leave to walk in the garden, with Christian carrying her on his shoulder and spanking her on the way.

ANA: Why are you angry? This is my choice! You have no right to control everything I do!

CHRISTIAN: Stop spewing bullshit or you're in for a spanking.

ANA: You're already spanking me!

CHRISTIAN: In for a beating, then. You're mine, all mine, when are you going to realize that? You're only mine.

AUDIENCE: What, are you worried she's going to have incest-sex with her mom, or something?

They kiss "passionately" for a few moments until Ana breaks away.

ANA: Christian, you are so confusing.

FAN AUDIENCE: I swear, they were going to say "controlling" but changed it at the last second.

ANA: Why can't we sleep in the same bed? Why can't you let me touch you? Why do you care so much about that damn contract? Why can't you like me the way I am? Why must you hurt me to get off? Why must you be such a cold-hearted prick?

AUDIENCE: Did she ask all the questions?

FAN AUDIENCE: *looks at list* Check, check, check… nope. She still hasn't asked herself why she's with him. She also hasn't asked herself why she felt attracted to him in the first place, but her realizing that is overestimating her intelligence.

He, unsurprisingly, doesn't answer a single question. Except he does, when she's asleep later on, but unbeknownst for him, it doesn't really count. Not in my book, anyway. And not in every other person's book on this planet. Except maybe Stephenie Meyer's.

Ana is giving a feminist boost and goes to meet her mother in Georgia despite his protests, because she hasn't descended deep enough into the madness that she'll stop loving her family… kind of what Christian has. I hope we can still help her.

FEMINISM: I'm the most all-mighty power in the universe and you all should bow down to me! I'm Wonderwoman, I'm Starfire, I'm-!

ANA'S CLIT: Oh, shut the hell up.

Ana has dinner/lunch with her Step-father and mother.

STEP-DAD: You wanna know this recipe? It's easy. Just take som movie-padding and pour it with salsa.

ANA: Thanks! I'll make sure to keep that in mind for the next two films! Sammy must start getting creative on that part if they are to be released.

SAM-TAYLOR JOHNSON: Can it! I'm doing my best.

AUDIENCE: To be honest, I'm not really blaming Sammy here.

Ana later lays in bed.

ANA: I got here to get away from Christian, so now I'm gonna text him saying I wished he were here with me.

The next day, he arrives to meet her.

CHRISTIAN: Meddle?

ANA: Holy crap, what the crap are you doing here?!

AUDIENCE: Sanity is underrated, am I right?

CHRISTIAN: You sent me a text saying you wished I was here, so now I'm here. Duh. Do you want two other wishes granted?

ANA: Well, yeah. If you could leave me alone for five damn seconds, I would be happy.

CHRISTIAN: Forgot to tell you. I'm the kinky-genie, so I will only grant wishes involving me doing anal on you. Just clarifying your options.

ANA'S MOM: I love this guy!

FAN AUDIENCE: You mean comedy-wise, or…?

ANA'S MOM LEAVES, HAVING TO REFUEL THE TANK OF HER MOTHER INSTINCT RADAR. Christian sits down and rips her glass from her hand.

CHRISTIAN: Stop drinking that, child, and flirt with me. Flirt with daddy.

ANA: Flirt flirt.

CHRISTIAN: Let's randomly go plane-flying. I can do that too, y'know.

ANA: Okay. Bye mom!... she didn't hear me. Oh well! Let's leave without noting her!

PLANE-FLYING MONTAGE: *being stupid… wait, didn't we already do a scene like this?*

CHRISTIAN: *looks like an idiot*

ANA: *looks like she's fighting against swallowing a fish*

After the ride we're back in Seattle to continue this conflict-which-could-be-solved-with-a-dialogue-of-good-communication-or-a-police-call-or-having-the-luck-of-not-being-Fifty-Shades-Of-Grey-drama.

SAM-TAYLOR JOHNSON: I think people with somehow chaste needs will be satisfied over this. Not that somebody not having them would know. Back to THE SMEX!

FAN AUDIENCE: The "plot" will be back after these supposed steamy messages.

AUDIENCE: Should we remove the "fan"-part of your name?

FORMER-FAN AUDIENCE: YES. THANK YOU.

FORMER-FAN AUDIENCE: NOT REALLY REMOVING IT, BUT WHATEV.

After the useless sex, we cut to Edw- err, Christian playing the piano with melancholy, Ana coming down listening to it.

ANA: The script of this film has really made me impatient. Can you tell me what the hell is wrong with you already?

CHRISTIAN: Shut the f*ck up.

ANA: Why do you wanna hurt me?

CHRISTIAN: Shut the f*ck up.

ANA: Why do you get off to it?

CHRISTIAN: BECAUSE THAT'S THE WAY I AM! SHUT THE F*CK UP!

AUDIENCE: Translation: Because I'm a sick f*ck still somehow roaming free and in desperate need of acceptance into the mental ward sharing the cell with Dexter.

FORMER-FAN AUDIENCE: And having the riches to back up every megalomaniac plan one can think of.

AUDIENCE: "And I own the police."

BIFF TANNEN: I'm proud of you, son.

DONALD TRUMP: Hey, that's my line, asshole!

ADOLF HITLER: Keep talking, bitches.

CHRISTIAN: (actual line) I'm fifty shades of f*cked up.

ANA: (drops IQ below -10) Because the stupidity of that line has dumbed me further than thought possible, why don't you show me just exactly how f*cked up you are?

CHRISTIAN: Okay. I'm gonna whip you six times.

EDWARD GREY: This pantywaist ain't got shit on me.

So Christian does, having her stripped naked to be whipped.

CHRISTIAN: *whips* HAHAHAHAH, WHO'S PUSSYWHIPPED NOW?! *whips* HAHA TAKE THIS LOL! *whips* TAKE THIS! IT'S NO USE! *whips* CHRISTIAN USED TAIL WHIP, IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE *whips* PERSONALLY, I PREFER YOUR ASS IN THE AIR! *whips*

ANA: *silently weeps in pain*

ANA steps away from Christian, covering her naked self in self-defense and a look of disgust in his direction. About time.

ANA: How dare you whip me! Even if I asked you to! Don't ever go near me again!

AUDIENCE: Oh, jeez. That shit again.

FORMER-FAN AUDIENCE: Bet it's not gonna hold.

She's later STILL in his house, sleeping, or rather weeping, in her room. He walks inside.

ANA: I love you, asshole. Leave now before I kill you, my love.

AUDIENCE: Wait, what?!

FORMER-FAN AUDIENCE: This film tries to subvert our expectations so hard it doesn't now which path to choose anymore! We have caused a rift in the space-time continuum! We have caused a paradox! The apocalypse! What are we to do?!

AUDIENCE: Take cover beneath the bunker which is our brain's nerve system.

FORMER-FAN AUDIENCE: Good idea!

ANA LEAVES CHRISTIAN AND THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER SEPARATED.

THE END.

AUDIENCE: I wish it was.

FORMER-FAN AUDIENCE: Holy crap! She was her own independent woman in the end! I've garnered the tiniest bit of respect for her now it's enough to create a molecule. Awesome twist E.L.!

E.L. JAMES: …

SAM-TAYLOR JOHNSON: ERRR… THAT'S…

FORMER-FAN AUDIENCE: Wait, wait, wait, don't say anything! She's gonna come back and do some awesome Kill Bill shit, am I right?

AUDIENCE: Isn't ignorance just bliss?

FORMER-FAN AUDIENCE: Wait, what are you talking about? Why are you all so silent? *looks at movie poster for Fifty Shades Darker* MOTHERF*CK- *head explosion*

E.L. JAMES: *takes notes* Cause of spontaneous combustion; a movie overly sexually stimulating.

SAM-TAYLOR JOHNSON: We can do better than this, can't we E.L.?

E.L. JAMES: You bet yer arse!

AUDIENCE: NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE *jumps off fanfiction cliff*

#fiftyshadessucks #fiftyshadesofgreysucks #anti fifty shades of grey #parody #fiftyshadesofgreyparody

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izloveshorses · 7 years

Text

Here's everything I love about the Anastasia Musical (Part One)

So!! I've finally collected my thoughts and was able to list out everything I love about this musical (this was supposed to be limited to like 5 songs but I couldn't pick just a handful bc they're ALL SO GOOD). Keep in mind, I haven't seen it live yet, just listened to the album and watched that First Look preview hundreds of times. Pleeease don't mention any spoilers or anything bc I really wanna go see it for myself some day! Warning: long post lol

The first few notes of Prologue: Once Upon a December gave me chills omg

I love how they really touched on just how much Communism affected everybody. Life was pretty crappy for everyone and it's important that it's discussed. Like, the exchange between Anya and Gleb ("I can't lose this job...") really highlights to me that they were all hungry, desperate for work, etc. and it not many people had any hopes for a better future...

"The skies are grey, the walls have ears and he who argues disappears!"

"We're good and loyal comrades and our favorite color's red!"

"Two cans of beans, comrade?" "... doNE"

The collective "SHHH!!"

DONT!! GET ME STARTED!! ON IN MY DREAMS!!!

Christy's voiCE I CANT

When I was first listening to this I was like "ohhh boy... I'm already crying on the 3rd song.... this is gonna be an emotional ride"

"Call the child anYA"

"Is it Pariiiiis? Paris..."

"And I HEAR A VOICE WHISPER 'I'LL MEET YOU RIGHT THERE' IN PARIIIIIIIS. Paris..."

"You don't know what it's like not to know who you are"

"But I still have this faith in the truth of my dreammmms"

"AND MYYY DREEAMS. SEEEEM TO SAAAAY. DONT BE AFRAID TO GO ON. DONT GIVE UP HOPE COME WHAT MAYYYYY"

"I know it all will come baaaaack ONE DAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!"

Anya/Christyyyyy you're breaking my heart stop it just started

Honestly the whole song is beautiful

All of Learn to Do It is great too bc wow that's a mood changer from the last song lol

"How do you become the person you've forgotten you ever were?"

"Am I floating?" "Like a sinking boat"

"I never cared for stroganoff!"

"I don't like being contradicted." "That makes two of us!"

"I've hAD it!! And I hATE YOU BOTH!"... "Don't forGET I don't remember anything! Get OUT and let me be!"

She takes a big breath before she lists everything she learned lol

Ramin's so talented what the heck

"I heard the shots.... I heard the screams... but it's the silence after I remember most."

"A revolution is a siiiimple thiiiiiiiiiing" my guy, my dude, my man,, no.... that is false,,,

DEREK'S VOICE!!!!! MY PETERSBURG IS ICONIC

"Funny when a city is all you know, how even when you hate it something in you loves it sooooo!!"

"There's a boy, growing up, all I've been, all I'll be..."

"Funny how a BOY CAN GROOOOWWWW! Funny how a city tells you when it's time to goooo!"

"But tonight, there's a sky and quite a viewww... welcome tooooooooooo..... My PetersBUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG!!!"

I know that Once Upon a December is exactly the same as the movie but Christy's voice is so gorgeous so I need to talk about it

"Accross my meeemoryyyyyyyy...."

THE ENSEMBLE!!!! HOLY CRAP!! THEIR HARMONIZING IS SO HAUNTINGLY BEAUTIFUL IT LITERALLY SOUNDS LIKE GHOSTS DANCING WOW IT GIVES ME CHILLS

The piano rising in a crescendo

"FAARRRR AWAY! LOOONG AGOOOO! GLOWING DIM AS AN EMBER!"

Christy's voice at the end my lord

The whole orchestra in this song is amazing

OKAY SO. STAY, I PRAY YOU. IS VERY UNDERRATED. LIKE. WHEN I FIRST LISTENED TO IT I WAS JUST SITTING ON MY COUCH WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY CHEEKS AND WAS LIKE "why.... am I crying... about crossing the russian border.... when I'm not even Russian.... what the heck...."

And!!! It emphasizes the fact that this is communist Russia. You don't leave!!

Constantine's voice here is so haunting and The strings are lovelyyyyyy

This is like that one song from Sound of Music when they cross the mountains lol

THE ENSEMBLE AGAIN....

Christy's and Derek's harmonizing is b e a u t i f u l

"How to go wheRE IIIIII HAve never gone befoooorrre..."

"Let me have a moment, let me say goodbyyyyyye...."

My absolute favorite part is how it slowly fades from the entire cast singing and repeating "iiiii'lll bless my homeland...." to just the trio, to dmitry and Anya, and finally until it's just Anya left.... "iiii'lll bless my homeland... tillllll I diiiiieeee..." It's so chillingly beautiful I'm never gonna get used to that

We'll Go From There is so pure and happy!

"Some women say I look distinguished this way"

"Meet the royal. Mess!"

"Why did I say? yes?"

Again, Derek and Christy's harmonizing is amazing how--

"Getagripandtakeadeepbreath and soon we'll know what's what"

"Oh what a lovely ride! And what a lovely dayyyyy! For a totally illegal geeeeetawayyyyy!"

"From theeeeeEEeeeeeeEEeeeeerrreeeee! We'll go from there!!" Bum

Ramin is baaaack with more angst and beautiful vocals in Still!

"A son becomes a man! At his faaaaather's knee..."

"--to FULLFIIIIILLLLLLLLL"

"But then you see her eyes, and something in them tells you that she ABSOLUTELY LIES"

I KNOW THEY DIDNT CHANGE ANYTHING FROM JOURNEY TO THE PAST BUT IT MUST BE DISCUSSED

It's so empowering I'm PUMPED like every time I hear it I have to get up and run around like I'm the one performing or making a music video

"Peo.ple always say, Life is full of choices, but no one ever mentions. fear..."

"Home. Love. Faaaamily. There was once a time I must have had them tooooo... Hoooooome, loooooove, faaaamily! I will never be complete until I find youuuuuu!" (Brb crying)

THE ENTIRE LAST STANZA. EXCUSE ME WHILE I KEEP SCREAMING ABOUT THIS.

Christy's voice in "THINGS MY HEART STILL NEEDS TO KNOOOOOW!"

"YES!!! LET THIS BE A SIIIIIGN!! LET THIS ROOOAD BE MINE!! LET IT LEEEAD ME TO MY PAAAAAAAAAAAST!!! AAAND BRING ME HOOOOME!! aaaaAAAAAT LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST!!!!!"

AKFKFINGSG SF,F SHES SO TALENTED THAT LAST NOTE OMG

I'm always out of breath when this song is over lol

Paris Holds the Key always pumps me up omg

"Everything is is avant-garde, or chic!"

Dmitry's part tho...

"There's hope in the aaaair!"

The one and only thing I'm kinda bummed about is that they didn't include that one part from the original where everyone is singing in the final chorus and then it's just dmitry singing "toooo... Herrrr...." and then the ensemble finishes it off. Idk it's so heartbreaking but that's probably my favorite part from the original song and I'm kinda sad they cut that bit (but it's ok bc DEREK)

Crossing A Bridge is VERY underrated too omg

The orchestral part is beautiful and again CHRISTY'S VOICE

"Halfway between where I've been, and where I'm goiiing..."

"Me on the left bank, you on the riiiight!" And then Her voice at "every light is like a promise.."

I love how the middle it's kinda loud and emotional but it ends really soft and quiet

Watching Christy's "Royal Misfits" vlog made me love Mary Beth Peil bc she kinda reminds me of my Nanna, so Close the Door broke my heart a little

I love the mood of Land of Yesterday bc they're complaining that they're no longer rich lol and Lily's like "well we're not dead now!" And my favorite: "RUSSIAAAAAA!!!"

IN A CROWD!!! OF THOUSANDS!!!! I SOB EVERY TIME I LISTEN TO IT. The chemistry btwn Christy and Derek is magical (I mean I haven't seen them but) I can hear them smiling and their harmonizing is just... good lord. And the tension is so real

"You're making me feel I was there too." "Maybe you were, make it part of your story"

I love that you can hear the shift in Christy's voice from playful and humorous to a dawning, frightening realization ("and I tried not to smile, but I smiiiiled... and then... heeeee bowwwwed...!!!!!" "Um, I didn't tell you that" "You didn't have to!! I remember!!!!" And then a heavy pause)

"With the sun in my eyes you were gone... but I knew, even then, in a crowd of thousands... I'll find you... aaaagaaaaain....." AIGFHGKVNID THEY FOUND EACH OTHER EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO CRY

"Your highness..." !???!???? WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING TO MY HEART

Meant to Be is beautiful (especially the orchestra) but I'm gonna skip to QUARTET AT THE BALLET. BC HONESTLY ITS ONE OF MY FAVORITES. The striiiings....

"My past and my future so neeeeear..." and then Dmitry breaking my heart again with "next to me this frightened girl, holding tight as the dancers whirl"

The whole part where Dmitry and Gleb are singing together omgggg "ITS FATE!! THAT BROUGHT US HEEEEERE"

And don't! Get me started on the part where they're all singing together it's so intENSE it's honestly one of my favorite parts from the whole musical. And!! DMITRY'S PART OMG HE REPRISES JOURNEY TO THE PAST "hooome, looove, faaaamily.... she will have all of it!! I will help her..." AKFJOND HE KEEPS BREAKING MY HEART HE LOVES HER SO MUCH #OTP

"Find a wayyyyy.... ANASAAAAAAASIAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"

Again Dmitry just loves her... Everything to Win messes with my heart. "I didn't know, she mattered to meee... but now I can see, she doooeees..." (and later Anya says the same thing omg what kind of romantic crap is this, "conman and princess get their wish and fairytales come truuuue!" *clenches fist*) and "with everything to win, the only thing I lose... is youuuuuu..." :(

I love how Gleb interrupts Anya's pining for dramaaaaaaa. "If you really are Anastasia do you think history wants you to have lived??" "YES, why don't you!?"

"All but one. Finish it, I am my father's daughter." "AND I AM MY FATHER'S SON!" ( I can actually hear Anya standing with her chin held high staring at him straight in the eyes, a challenge, a dare) and a gun clicks and omg my heart started racing

"Look at their faces in mine, hear their screams, see their BLOOD." ... "Do it! Do it and I will be with my parents and my brothers and sisters in that cellar in Yekaterinburg all over again!!" GOOD LORD ITS SO INTENSE

"WE HAVE A PAST TO BURYYY AAAANYAAAAAAAA!!!!"... "A reVOLUTION IS A SIMPLE THING!!"

The ending is absolutely perfect... "she was a dream. A beautiful dream." And then "the case is closed. But still...." and the ENSEMBLE COMES BACK. They didn't have to go so hard, man

#anastasia #Anastasia broadway #Anastasia musical #christy altomare #derek klena #ramin karimloo #I couldn't pick favorites bc they're all so beautifullllll #long post #feel free to ignore #this is more for myself #but if you wanna share anything I missed feel free!#personal

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comicteaparty · 7 years

Text

October 5th, 2017 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on October 5th, 2017, from 5PM - 7PM PDT. The chat focused on Galebound by Respheal.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning. Today we are discussing Galebound by Respheal~! (http://www.galebound.com/) For those new to CTP, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer so pay them no mind if you wish~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comics that the community makes~! Each chat a top comment will be picked and featured on an ad for this chat, so let’s have a great discussion~!

With that said, let us begin with this first question~!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

Kabocha

Oooh, favorite scene so far. Hrrrrrm.

Lyall

I really like din parting the waters

making the bridge

Amarok

oh these are questions for us?

Respheal

Yeh

Amarok

easy, the scene where Din jumps out the bed and charges his laser

Respheal

To prompt discussion

Lyall

i liked the fight in the hotel room too

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

I'm definitely laughing at this.

no escape bruh

Kabocha

I really like Page 54 -- the end of the Dark Hour. http://www.galebound.com/comics/2415667/054/ I sat there for a while and was like... "What is this?" "Why is he smiling?" I've been really torn between Pascal thinking "You're so dead" and actually being relieved -- because who knows what could have happened? I've kinda stuck to the idea that Pascal REALLY wants to see killing Conan through though.(edited)

Amarok

well theres always Parkers house hears Conan choking in background

Lyall

Res' two page spreads are gorgeous btw

RebelVampire

not really a scene but one of my fave pages is definitely that one where pascal is looking out at the ocean realizing wtf just happened

Kabocha

yes.

I laughed super hard at that one

Respheal

Hahahah so many people said they relate to Pascal on that page xD

Amarok

yeah but few know about his fish friend

Respheal

"I sincerely love this page, my inner self relates to Pascal on a higher level"

Lyall

loooooooool

Kabocha

If it's not in comic, it's not confirmed, Amarok

Lyall

i feel that i personally have not bonded with pascal for some reason

perhaps my heart too sold on din

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

I like this scene too. So glowy

Kabocha

We know very little about Pascal tbh. Din's been very quiet about him except "dude is gonna try to kill you."

Lyall

hurrrrhurrrrhurrrr

Kabocha

Amarok

yes my favorite page

Lyall

love that spread

Kabocha

Wait, wait

Respheal

I was itching to get to that page so bad xD

Kabocha

How many words has Pascal said in comic so far?

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

uhhh

did he?

Respheal

Three

Kabocha

and what % of them has been a profanity

Amarok

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Respheal

2/3 were curses

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

yeah

Amarok

that third one wasnt a word

Lyall

loooooool

Amarok

it was garble

Respheal

Yeah it was just "ugh...."

Kabocha

............. New name added to the nickname. I'mma stick it in the middle: "Foulmouth"

Respheal

xDDDD

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

creative censorship, my friend

Lyall

PottyMouthPascal

RebelVampire

hey pascal was told to kill, not talk no talking needed

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

fartmouth Pascal

oops this is gonna be archived lel

Respheal

LOL

Kabocha

How many bad words DOES Pascal know, and are you going to invent new swears for him to use?

Respheal

Well I mean

He hangs out in bars so

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

so he swears like a sailor

Kabocha

When he finally does get more than a one-word line, he's probably just gonna be like "You ------ --------- -------- you and your ----------- horse"

Lyall

omg XD

i hope so

Respheal

--and the horse you rode in on

RebelVampire

the way this is worded makes me think pascal is gonna invent his own swears. gonna wind up using Din's name in one of them.

Kabocha

And then he whips out a knife and whoops, he really does have Murderpants now

Din will be so blown away

Respheal

.........

Wind puns

so many gale-blasted wind puns

Kabocha

has been kicked from the chat

lololol

Lyall

naaaaaah

Respheal

.....can...can I answer the questions too? xDDD

RebelVampire

if ppl got kicked for puns math would not be welcome here

rip math

Kabocha

Yes

Respheal

lololol

RebelVampire

you can answer the questions yes

Respheal

YAS

Lyall

math the punniest

Kabocha

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE SCENE RES

RebelVampire

i wont stop you

Respheal

THE SNAKE CHARMERS MONOLOGUE

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

kinda found it funny how they argued over a change of clothes

Respheal

That scene stayed pretty much the same in every draft

This page: http://www.galebound.com/comics/2437904/061/

Kabocha

Conan objects to being called a hick

Respheal

Nah he owns it xD

Amarok

ah the first attempt to explain magic

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

LOL

Lyall

OOoooooh i liked that scene too

RebelVampire

i liked din was nice in that scene and stopped magicking when he saw conan was sad

Kabocha

I'm not sure I trust this face sometimes

Lyall

no, trust that face most of all

RebelVampire

whats not to trust

O_O

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Respheal

Hmmm....

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

what he's friendly

RebelVampire

thats the face of honesty

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

or maybe not

Respheal

Oh I mean re: "i liked din was nice in that scene and stopped magicking when he saw conan was sad"(edited)

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Artemis trust him so it's good enough

Lyall

didn't he stop cause conan commanded it tho, lol

suuure he's just so nice tho

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

yeah that's what I thought too

Kabocha

I feel like Conan was creeped out tbh

RebelVampire

shhh let me think din is nice O_O

Lyall

din is nice in my heart

keltyzoid!

so what is this tea party

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

din is nice I think

Kabocha

Din is nice to Conan.

Lyall

i don't feel like din is evil at least

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

so uh we discuss a comic every week

Kabocha

Din wants to overthrow a kingdom, though.

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

@keltyzoid!

Kabocha

Sooooooooooooo not really all that nice?

Lyall

i wouldn't say i think he's good tho either

i feel like he's someone's pawn

Kabocha

Din is nice in a very limited context

Lyall

cause din very much has an agenda

mariah (rainy day dreams)

He's got too much big shit to do to be soft and fluffy

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

he's nice

Kabocha

But sometimes you gotta feel like he's blowing smoke up someone's butt

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

I'd like to believe

Lyall

wondered if he was conan's dad's servant or something

Respheal

@keltyzoid! https://comicteaparty.tumblr.com/about

Lyall

and he's bound to their family that's why he has to take orders from them

keltyzoid!

THANKS RES

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

like a book club only with comics

RebelVampire

to be fair to din's not so niceness moments, he did just meet conan and is fulfilling some obligation. those are not factors where someone is going to be nice.

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Hmmmmmmm I like that theory!

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

why does Din want to overthrow a kingdom tho?

Lyall

so in that regard din is neither nice or not nice, he's just doing his obligatory duty

RebelVampire

@keltyzoid! https://comicteaparty.tumblr.com/faq you can also check out the faq which has more info ;3;

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

is the king that bad?

I mean kinda if he sents pascal to kill conan

keltyzoid!

ty ty

RebelVampire

well it may not be that the king is bad even. its hard to say when we havent seen the king.

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

@keltyzoid! you can read and catch up http://galebound.com/

it's a short read(edited)

keltyzoid!

Din and Pascal are some hard boys to draw, so shout outs to Res for drawing them over and over again

Respheal

Thanks! :'D

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

I like Din's floofy hair

keltyzoid!

GOD YOUR ART HAS GOTTEN SO GOOOODD

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

so floofy

Respheal

THANK YOU

That means a lot ;w;

RebelVampire

din has the best hair ;3;

Lyall

love din's floofy hair too

Respheal

Very floof

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

yeah

keltyzoid!

curly boy

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

all the floof

Lyall

they say curly haired boys are pervs tho

keltyzoid!

who says that

Lyall

people

Respheal

pffft

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies Lyall is not curly haiir tho

Kabocha

How would Din feel about being called a floofy guy though lol

Lyall

lyall you need a perm

Kabocha

having someone sit there and ruffle his hair

admittedly, I thought, at first, that the line by his eye was just an age line XD

Lyall

strange imagery of conan ruffling din's hair

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

he'll shoot lasers at everyone

LOL

Respheal

@Lyall and that's how Conan dies

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

well conan can do that

Lyall

LOL

but what if he does it and commands don't kill me before hand

Kabocha

Conan's gonna end up shoved in the sea or something

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

what he can command Din to be a nice doggy and let Conan pet him

Mahotou

i'm late but i'm here!

Respheal

Well that might help xD

Maho! o/

Mahotou

o/!

RebelVampire

welcome!

welcome all new ppl

Mahotou

is it ok to ask for a summary of what's transpired so far at the tea party?

RebelVampire

i think the bigger question is is din's hair naturally that floof or does he spend hours getting it to floof O_O

keltyzoid!

pet DIn's hair but be careful not to dislodge the 8 to 10 random items he has hidden in there at all times

Lyall

secret dagger stash

keltyzoid!

he doesn't know what's in there right now but he knows it would be a pity to lose them

Respheal

LOL

Lyall

it's more like wild untammed floof

Mahotou

Din's hair is a portal

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

I'd like to think it's natural floof

Respheal

@Mahotou The question is favorite scenes, but it devolved into discussing the floofiness of Din's hair

Lyall

rather than picture din with curlers in at night

RebelVampire

@Mahotou weve talked about fave scenes and aboout pascal's swearing

keltyzoid!

his floof is powered by the universe itself

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

I mean can he summon hair sprays?(edited)

Respheal

Oh yes and that 66.7% of Pascal's dialogue thus far has been cursing(edited)

Mahotou

keltyzoid!

curse him and his poofy shirt

Mahotou

pasc cant catch a break

Lyall

oh i love din's jacket too

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

LOL

Mahotou

speaking of, a fav scene is pasc's smiling

keltyzoid!

belts

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

I like the scarf

Lyall

best jacket

Respheal

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

likes all the scarf

Lyall

din the best dressed man

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

yis

powerful and fashionable

Lyall

probably someone's tool

keltyzoid!

but Pascal is so fancy

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

fancy murderpants

Lyall

pascal is a snappy dresser too

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

both of them are

Respheal

Magicians, they like to dress well

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

that red scarf is cool

Lyall

they must work for rich people

who care how they dress

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

yeah

keltyzoid!

or maybe he just knows of a really good antique store

Amarok

im back

what i miss

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

and Din forced Conan to dress up too

Respheal

RebelVampire

or they just like to look really cool while they performing their magic. how else you gonna impress da ladies

Amarok

oooh we talking dress up

Lyall

maybe it increases your magic powers to dress nice

the secret of fashion magic

Respheal

Sure let's go with that

Kabocha

Din dropped that giant bag of cash at first

Amarok

oh thats the one thing that tells us that "Lucie" isnt Lucie

Kabocha

so I mean

keltyzoid!

the fancier you are the more magic you can do

Kabocha

dude's got access

Amarok

she hasnt complimented on his new outfit

Respheal

She's a lil busy freaking out over his well-being

keltyzoid!

one time i saw a guy on Penn and Teller and he was dressed like a homeless man and his magic was sub par

Respheal

LOL

keltyzoid!

whAT

Amarok

uh huh sure

Lyall

is she really her

i feel like it's a mirage to manipulate conan

Amarok

ill take shes a fake for 800 bob

keltyzoid!

it's a mirage to sink ships >:/

Lyall

yeah

Kabocha

What is Pascal in a glamor?

Lyall

like i find it more believable that she's fake than real just randomly there

Amarok

unless Pascal got his fish freind for a ride

Kabocha

(sorry, going with the jeopardy style answer lol)

Amarok

hes still trudging the shore

Respheal

Oh xD

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

RebelVampire

pascal busy building sand castles

keltyzoid!

hell yeah

Respheal

LOL he would too

Lyall

fffffft

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

LOL

does he like sand castles?

he might murder the sand castle

Lyall

who doesn't like sand castles

Kabocha

No, no, he'd only stab people who crushed his castle

Pascal has principles.

Lyall

he'd curse and cry

keltyzoid!

Conan's gonna break his sandcastle like the bully in Cool Cat Saves the Kids

RebelVampire

is that why pascal out to murder conan and his dad O_O conan's dad crushed pascal and the king's sand castle?

Respheal

......Sure

Lyall

nah pascal is being controlled by someone else too

Respheal

Kabocha

Cool Din Saves the Kids

Lyall

feel like pascal and din are just both being used

RebelVampire

oh theyre for sure just being used

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

awww

poor pascal

Lyall

really din and pascal are BFFs that grew up together and dated

RebelVampire

i mean the opening kind of set the tone for that XD

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

omg

def ship

Lyall

then they're like well it's a job

sorry bae

Kabocha

OMG ;'D

keltyzoid!

Din and Pascal?

Lyall

yus

Kabocha

Din has a boyfriend that is not Pascal, I'm pretty sure

Lyall

I hope

he's super good looking

Kabocha

I think Din's type is blonde? :3

Mahotou

that's a truth

Kabocha

Where's that pic, Res?!

Respheal

wuh?

Of Din's BF?

keltyzoid!

yeah it's Conan shut up

Mahotou

they want the boyfriend Res

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

LOL

Mahotou

Kabocha

omg

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Conan can just be a chaperone

Lyall

i don't wanna push spoilers out of res tho

Respheal

https://respheal.tumblr.com/post/161779575831/drew-a-thing-for-fun-i-have-no-idea-why-theyre

Mahotou

OH WAIT

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

huh

Mahotou

THERE IT IS

Lyall

awww he's not my type

but if he makes you happy din i support

Mahotou

he's for Din anyways lol

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. In the most recent updates, it’s revealed that Din may have purposely let the assassin, Pascal, get away. It also opens up an important question: can Din be trusted? Why would Din let Pascal get away if that’s true? Why is Din so secretive instead of just telling Conan the truth? Is Din really just out to hurt Conan too?

Mahotou

Respheal

Oh hoh hohohohoh

Kabocha

Din did say the less Conan knows, teh better.

Lyall

surprisingly doesn't like long hair on male characters that much

RebelVampire

thats what all secretive ppl say when they just want someone to shut up

keltyzoid!

maybe it was just a prank

Kabocha

I feel like Din doesn't want blood on his hands? Or at least on Conan's hands, to be honest.

Amarok

well Din doesnt really know Conan

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

He's concerned for Pascal in a way

Amarok

but he knows Felix

allegedly

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

who's felix?

Lyall

maybe din has been ordered not to tell conan things

Amarok

Conans father

RebelVampire

felix is conan's dad

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

oh carp I forgot

Kabocha

He knows Conan enough to know that he was some guy in a stable who had a life and was going to help with an assassination plot

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

see my memory fails me already

Mahotou

*patpat

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Lyall

it's okay mharz i forgot too

Amarok

But the question and answer is Does Din trust Conan

Kabocha

So, Conan's plausible deniability in this is key if Conan's not gonna get the axe.

Amarok

enough to allow himself to be potentially controlled by him against his will

Lyall

i doubt din trusts conan

i mean he just met him

conan is more like luggage to din probably

Kabocha

tbh I think there's some serious gaslighting going on right now though

Mahotou

same

Kabocha

Stuff's going to explode as soon as Checker-- erm, Artemis manages to get Din to wake up.

RebelVampire

i dont think he's been ordered to not say anything. honestly i get the sense din is just being nice in this regard and feels the less conan knows the less conan's life is disrupted and the quicker they can get stuff done

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Somehow I just feel like it's his duty to protect Conan

Lyall

same

RebelVampire

i agree it seems he might be bound to conan's family

Lyall

i don't feel like their relationship is that deep atm

cause din is doing a duty

and conan is basically the cargo

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

yeah

RebelVampire

hahaha conan as cargo

Superjustin of Time and Space

Lol

Respheal

Early on, he was even thrown over Artemis like luggage

Lyall

yuuuuus

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

yep definitely luggage

Superjustin of Time and Space

(and yeah just peeking in to see what's up)

Respheal

Superjustin of Time and Space

Lyall

hi super~!!

Superjustin of Time and Space

Keep up the good work Respheal, your stuff's awesome

Respheal

Thanks :'D

Superjustin of Time and Space

and hey Draco!

You're welcome~

Respheal

PFFFFFFFFFFT

Lyall

loooool

Respheal

-dies-

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

LOL

Amarok

as for the why would Din let Conan escape

Superjustin of Time and Space

OMG that pic

Amarok

obviously commands are verbal

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Din let Conan escape?

Respheal

Why Din would let Pascal escape you mean?

Amarok

Pascal yes

derp

Respheal

LOL

Lyall

ah that makes more sense

Respheal

Maho xD

Lyall

my memory is fuzzy but i was like when did conan escape

Amarok

anyway

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

if Din let Conan escape, the story is over

Lyall

you had one job Din

Amarok

COmmand are verbal so to override them u must have percise language or else a technical loophole could proceed

Kabocha

now I want to draw some stuff like galebound was a totally different comic

Superjustin of Time and Space

Alternate Ending

RebelVampire

well its not over weve established din knows where conan is O_O

Tenor

@Respheal I didn't get to read but i wanted to drop in and saw I love the art at least! <33 KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK

say*

Respheal

Thanks <3(edited)

Amarok

as Din may not know the wording of the contract, he must improvise

Lyall

i hope din has this huge secret ulterior motive that really goes against everything that's been said and done so far and he was playing both sides in order to free himself or something, lol

cause he seems that type

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

I hope you don't go too far. I've only read the main pages

RebelVampire

i assume din just has past history with pascal

since i mean

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

I feel that too

RebelVampire

din knew who he was

wasnt like "oh rando assassin"

unless theres a magician association

Respheal

omg

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

and not just I just know he's an assassin

there's a connection

Superjustin of Time and Space

I love these images @Kabocha

mariah (rainy day dreams)

They went to baby murder magic school together

Lyall

looool

Kabocha

You know, in Ink Drop Cafe, I've been talking about how Pascal is secretly out to kill Conan, because Conan's clearly the evil little brother

Lyall

they do look a like

i have a hard time telling them apart tbh

Respheal

rip

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

LMAO

Superjustin of Time and Space

Wait

there's sucha thing

Respheal

I gotta admit that's more me sucking at drawing :'D I WILL GET BETTER(edited)

Superjustin of Time and Space

as babby murder time hour?

Lyall

i think that's why i haven't bonded with pascal, he reminds me of conan mostly

but like better dressed

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

you did improve a lot Res

Respheal

Thanks <3(edited)

Superjustin of Time and Space

Indeed

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Mahotou

same face syndrome is a butt

Respheal

Pascal needs to show up moar so I can get more practice drawing him xD

Lyall

hahah oh dear

Superjustin of Time and Space

XD(edited)

Lyall

i was thinking they were secret twins or something

RebelVampire

while were on these subjects. let us theorize

http://www.galebound.com/comics/2289959/001/

who that other kid in that page

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Lucie?(edited)

Respheal

pbbt

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

A childhood friend?

Lyall

maybe one of them is din as a kid(edited)

cause of the black hair

Mahotou

OMG YES WHAT DO OTHERS THINK ABOUT DA OTHER KID?

Kabocha

my initial thought was it's conan

Lyall

same

i thought it was conan the first time but the hair looks black

RebelVampire

what if the other kid is pascal

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

that might be pascal lel

Lyall

pascal and din

mariah (rainy day dreams)

mind blown

Kabocha

http://www.galebound.com/comics/2460520/067/ Conan has forgotten something though

Amarok

i subscribe to that was Conan and Din in the first few

Mahotou

i thought it was conan at one point and pascal at another point. and now i just dont know

Amarok

and he has memory loss

Lyall

it's just some random kiddos, gosh

Amarok

and has a history in Evenheim

Lyall

for establishing shot

Amarok

else why would the City Daemon help him

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

The woman is Conan's mom shot

Superjustin of Time and Space

Dang Kabo I love these too much

RebelVampire

well one of the kids is din. unless theres another green eyed floof person

Amarok

im guessing said scene was shortly after Conan's mom died and deadbeat dad left

Superjustin of Time and Space

your sketches

Lyall

oh wait there's more to the kiddos

wow i completely forgot about this part, LOL

okay yeah that's def Din

no doubt

i remember i knew that when i read it

cause it's pretty obvious

unless he has a twin

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

that was 17 years before the start of the story

Kabocha

gotta be Din. 'cause dem green eyes

Lyall

and the hair

RebelVampire

i lean towards its pascal just cause it being conan is too obvious imo.

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

he has floofy hair

Lyall

yeah

and he's better dressed than conan cause he's wearing blue

blue always the best

Respheal

Kabocha

but we've also seen Conan's dad

and conan's dad is kinda fancy.

Lyall

well it's not din's boyfriend

can cross that off

RebelVampire

conan is their half brother O_O and his mom was a princess so he got a less shitty life

problem solved

Respheal

I mean, I haven't introduced that many characters yet xD So it's either one of them or someone tht hasn't been introduced yet~~~~

Lyall

that's very magi rebel, hahah

Superjustin of Time and Space

introduce more

Respheal

ikr

soooooooooon

ish

Lyall

conan is alibaba

Respheal

Soon in webcomic time

RebelVampire

LOL

it could be someone new tho, i dont discount that.

its not lucie

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

webcomic time = 10 years

RebelVampire

she is also crossed off the list

Lyall

i thought she was related to din cause of her black hair

mother or sister

RebelVampire

who are you talking about draco?

Respheal

The woman from the prologue I presume(edited)

Lyall

yus

Superjustin of Time and Space

k I'm gonna listen to some music, you guys enjoy the rest of the chat

Respheal

Alrighty, have fun!

Lyall

kay, laterz Super~!

Superjustin of Time and Space

Thanks~ And laterz!

RebelVampire

thank for coming super~!

Superjustin of Time and Space

You're welcome. ^_^

Kabocha

http://www.galebound.com/comics/2294666/003/ The last line on this page

The hate between Din and Conan is not quite strong enough

Lyall

Kabocha

you know how some comics have power of friendship? These guys gotta be powered by hate. :'3

Lyall

this

Respheal

LOL

Amarok

right now its mutual distrust and distaste

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

rip

Lyall

doesn't this imply that din is borrowing power from people he hates to change the world to his own ideals so he is a two faced snake that's going to betray his master at some point, lol

Amarok

especially wiht that accent and old outfit

Kabocha

Right now Conan is basically the one in charge...

Well.

Lyall

sorta

he's not really

Kabocha

Yeah.

Of Pascal.

Respheal

Lyall

din is borrowing power from whoever told him to get conan

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

yep

he was looking for Conan's dad too I think

Respheal

Correct

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

which is something strange

Respheal

Wondering where the heck he is, anyway

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

cus Din and Conan gave different years on how long he was missing

Lyall

check the brothels

Amarok

imagines din with a "wheres felix" book(edited)

RebelVampire

what sort of power are we talking about tho? like do you have to be bound to someone to access more magic? are we talking about political power? etc.

Respheal

Lyall

i think it's more a position of power

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

mind power?

Lyall

like a rank of some sort

RebelVampire

cause if were talking about rank

Lyall

well not official rank

RebelVampire

what if that lady was a court magician and she took the boys in and trained them

Lyall

but more access to stuff

maybe but she was dressed pretty poor too

Respheal

How many doodles did you make??? xDDDD

lmao

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Does the king have the same powers as conan does?

Kabocha

I'm doing these as I go

RebelVampire

her dress was pretty nice imo. plain but nice

Mahotou

rank is involved with the command ability right?

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

it does?

Lyall

her hair made me think she's poor tho

Mahotou

and i think she's a mage from implying they (herself and kid din) are stray dogs

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

again only reading the actual pages

RebelVampire

its possible the king has the same powers cause in res' world info city daemons are generally heard by high ranking officials

Amarok

if it does how does teh rank pass?

Kabocha

I think rank was only mentioned in the comments

Amarok

the old king is dead. long live teh king.. but whos the king?

Kabocha

so it's wild mass guessing at the moment

Lyall

iamking

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

LOL

that means conan is in a high position if he can command pascal

Lyall

well if he's the king's son he'd be a prince of some sort maybe(edited)

Mahotou

which i guess bring's his lineage into question (looks at felix)(edited)

Lyall

fuzzy memory tho will not benefit me here

RebelVampire

to be fair some tidbits of info are more a question of did you read the supplemental world info

cause theres some juicy hints in there if you connect some dots

Respheal

This is true

There's a lot of stuff I just plain can't fit in the comic xD But it's usually not 100% necessary info

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

was thinking what if Felix is somehow related to the king

wild guess

Kabocha

Felix is a rival for the throne?

That's a good theory....

Lyall

oh reminds me i was thinking you should put the dusk appendix in the main menu bar if you can

cause i didn't think to look for world information in the about page

only when rebel pointed it out did i know it existed

Kabocha

I'mma subscribe to that one mharz

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

why does the king want Felix and his heir Conan dead?

Mahotou

is felix an illegal baby of royalty? is conan?(edited)

Respheal

Hmm, I can see about making it fit in there

Making Conan a bastard lol

rip

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Conan himself is rather strange with having a rare ability to hear city daemons. He also has suggested there are important things he may have forgotten. Why or what is Conan that makes him as much a target as his father? Is there are a reason he seems to have hidden abilities? Has he forgotten something that will later be pivotal to the story?

drops question early since were on the topic anyway

Amarok

hes a target cause his father is a target, making him a source of leverage

Kabocha

Someone wants to flush Felix out. :3

Lyall

i just assumed he had his memories hidden to protect him and hide him from others

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

I wonder if it's becos Conan's memory was rigged which is why he says his father went missing 14 years instead of 25

RebelVampire

leverage only works if you intend to keep someone alive tho. so i mean hes leverage for din maybe, but not for pascal

or the king

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Like I feel Din's statement is more legit

Amarok

Conan has the ability to hear THAT specific Daemon cause the City Daemon of Evenheim will protect its own people

meaning Conan has history in Evenheim

Kabocha

Could conan be older than people think?

Mahotou

Din's the kidnapper and Pasc is trying to kill Conan. he's targeted not to be ransom but to be killed. why's he a threat?(edited)

Amarok

reinforced by the mark on Dins back, the same mark on Conan's Watch, and the same mark hanging above Evenheim's gate

Lyall

maybe conan isn't a real person

Respheal

Suddenly we've got a D.Gray-Man situation if he's older than people think xD

RebelVampire

yeah i think conan has some sort of high station in evenheim at least

Kabocha

'cause Conan was born in Evenheim, or so we think... There's gotta be some record of it -- so Felix being missing mysteriously for 25 years would be a little odd, eh?

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

rip

Kabocha

unless Evenheim doesn't keep records

Amarok

im thinking Felix or at least the Renaud family used to be in control of Evenheim

Kabocha

OOPS OUR PUBLIC RECORDS GOT BURNT DOWN

Respheal

LOL

Lyall

well if he's assumed dead and had a different name it's easy

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

brb gonna food.

Mahotou

my guess is that while felix went missing, he had conan. so conan knew he was around cuz he was living with his dad

RebelVampire

yeah

thats how i interpreted the 14 vs 25 thing

is that din didnt know where he was

but conan did

Kabocha

oh god, conan's dad was one of those sovereign citizen guys wasn't he

Respheal

oh lord

Kabocha

that's the REAL reason Conan has missing memories

RebelVampire

it couldve been conan's mom who was from the affluential family. felix is just some bum

Kabocha

his mom was dying of stress of his dad saying "you can't put me on trial here because that flag is wrong"

Lyall

i hope

his dad is incredibly good looking(edited)

RebelVampire

http://www.galebound.com/cast/

hes the bottom right guy

Lyall

oh geezus

Mahotou

that cast page is a good resource

Lyall

he is

i don't care if he's an asshole he's my new second fave

Respheal

Lyall

looks like you got a bro conan

pascal

Respheal

I had fun with some of these descriptions lololol

Mahotou

Too good for this cruel world

Lyall

pascal looks more like felix's son than conan does

maybe pascal was given conan's real appearance to protect conan

since pascal can protect himself

and is loved less

Amarok

Pascal isnt smart enough to be a decoy

Respheal

His murderin' pants

Amarok

Lyall

maybe pascal is a clone

a magic clone

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

I am finally home, so I ahve to say this

RebelVampire

pascal is too good for this world and wait a second pascal has green eyes

Amarok

he gets back to the king after completing the task

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

So that horse might be a person

Lyall

maybe the horse is felix

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

That was my crack theory for the longest time

Respheal

wat

Lyall

felix is an animagus

Kabocha

he's a cat.

Amarok

"congratulations captain murderpants on a job well done" "but im only a lieutenant" "I just promoted you"

Lyall

felix the cat

har har har

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Alright now I got that here I'm gonna poof, I feel like dying sorry qwq

Lyall

kay~! laterz Feather~!

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

But yes, my crack theory was the mare was a person who happens to be the true heir and all the jazz

Respheal

Hahahaha drop in to post that crack theory and then poof out xDD

Alrighty see ya o/

Lyall

don't you mean

Respheal

Get feelin better

Lyall

true mare

Kabocha

during the dark hour, Artemis was a ... night mare

I'll see myself out thank you

Respheal

But yes, that's where Pascal got the cinnabon part of his nickname

RebelVampire

i wonder if its telling that felix and conan have middle names but the others dont. is this an indication of their fancy O_O

Lyall

mark of royalty

or pretentious namers

Respheal

Bit of a family tradition

Conan's grandpa's name is Matthias, and his great-grandpa would've been a Lucas

And on it goes

Lyall

ooooooooh

i drank way too much caffeine today

Kabocha

If Conan isn't ejected from the gene pool

Respheal

lol

Kabocha

his kid should probably have the name "felix" at some point(edited)

BUT WHAT HAPPENS IF THERE'S A SECOND CHILD

Lyall

conan's real name is Felix Jr.

RebelVampire

then the second child is banished

there can only be one

Respheal

xDDD

Kabocha

this is why pascal wants to kill conan

Lyall

how spartan

but conan is younger

Kabocha

Conan was the favorite.

Lyall

but he doesn't dress as well

Kabocha

Clearly not.

Lyall

fashion too important

Kabocha

his dad was a hobo. Lyall

no he's wearing an ascot

Mahotou

that's why conan was hidden away as a stable boi

Lyall

hobos don't wear ascots

Kabocha

Din's sleeping on the ground right now

and he was in an alley with a blanket and probably a hobo then :'3

Din is King Hobo.

Lyall

no he was poor then

and sleeping on the ground is necessity

Kabocha

So you mean Din had a whirlwind of success?

Mahotou

he travels on foot and by caravan. sounds like a bumkin

Lyall

no din sold his soul to the devil of the story

Respheal

To be fair, Maho, they haven't gotten around to trains yet xD

Kabocha

Really, that part of things had to be a breeze.

Mahotou

so Res, how's din's soul looking on that pedistal?

Respheal

owo

Kabocha

Wait, if Din sold his soul to a devil...

Where is Rex.

Lyall

everywhere always

Mahotou

lol

Kabocha

it all comes back to freaking Rex.

Respheal

I'm gonna start responding to theory questions with a kyubey expression

Mahotou

yey!

Kabocha

"Wanna make a contract?"

Lyall

rex is a terrible bad guy, i hope res did better than that, hahah

RebelVampire

on a more serious note din said that theyre after "felix or his heir" so does that mean they knew felix only had one kid or that there can only be one heir so if felix had more kids it doesnt matter?

Lyall

gawd I hope Felix had a whole bunch of kids

Respheal

Good question!

Lyall

his kitten litter

Respheal

Din:

Lyall

Felix: Find them all Din, now find me

Respheal

THIS ISN'T POKEMON LOL

THERE IS NO CATCH 'EM ALL

RebelVampire

this is why felix left. he has to go around the world having kids

Lyall

Felix: Sorry Din, my duty in life is to make babies with every one i meet

Kabocha

oh god

Respheal

omg xD

Lyall

Felix: I must share the beauty that is I

Kabocha

Felix's theme song is now Vanilla.

(by Gackt)

Lyall

rather Booty Call

Respheal

-dies-

Amarok

welp gotta go for now

Respheal

Awww, see ya! o/

Amarok

i may be back

Lyall

Bye Amarok~! Thank you for coming~!

Respheal

Thanks for joining :D

Ah heck

You guys are asking good questions though >:3

RebelVampire

thanks for coming Amarok~!

Lyall

i know nothing about Felix but he is now a full time player in my mind

Respheal

And have grazed a fair number of truths(edited)

Lyall

the horse was conan's mother all along

RebelVampire

i think we could also ask why now? like theyve not cared for 25 years about felix but now theyre like "welp better go assassinate him"

Mahotou

maybe they were looking for him for 25 years tho maybe the question is, who let slip that felix has a boy in the horse land(edited)

Lyall

his gambling debt got too high

RebelVampire

thats true it mightve just take 25 years

yeah thats an equally valid question

why do they suddenly know about conan

Lyall

omg he looks like Loki from Matantei Loki Ragnarok there

RebelVampire

did felix send them a letter and was like "hey guys just want to tell you i definitely dont have a secret son in this location."

Lyall

http://www.absoluteanime.com/mythical_detective_loki_ragnarok/loki.jpg

cause it's obscure

Respheal

Definitely don't go to the ranch in Norin that has a sign saying "Renaud Ranch". No one of interest there.

Kabocha

:'3

RebelVampire

His name is definitely not conan either.

Kabocha

Felix goofed up there

Lyall

good going felix

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

what I miss?

Lyall

felix not smart, just lucky

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

huh?

RebelVampire

were talking about why everyone came to get conan now instead of earlier

Respheal

I think we were talking about why people are after Felix and Conan

Yeah

Lyall

yus

Respheal

3. Conan himself is rather strange with having a rare ability to hear city daemons. He also has suggested there are important things he may have forgotten. Why or what is Conan that makes him as much a target as his father? Is there are a reason he seems to have hidden abilities? Has he forgotten something that will later be pivotal to the story?

-copy-pastes the question-(edited)

-cuz I kinda forgot what the question was too-

Kabocha

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Lyall

Icanfinallydotext OTL

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

RebelVampire

throws confetti for draco

Kabocha

Answering this question is hard

Lyall

i always assumed conan was a prince

RebelVampire

i definitely think whatever conan forgot is important

Lyall

or something to that effect

RebelVampire

cause of the amulet

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

he's an outsider prince

Kabocha

Conan forgot his mom.

Lyall

prince of demons

prince of pizza

Respheal

wat

Kabocha

Like, seriously, that lady in the flashback

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

they have pizza?

RebelVampire

Din: Conan what do you remember about your mother? Conan: ....I have a mother?

Lyall

do they have pizza?

i've no idea

Kabocha

LOL

Respheal

Probably something LIKE pizza

Lyall

omg conan that's sad

Respheal

Aww

Lyall

Conan: Wait, what's a mother

Respheal

OH NO

Kabocha

CONAN WAS BORN IN A TEST TUBE

Lyall

Din: I am your mother

Respheal

Suddenly Lost Boy

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

omg

Respheal

WAT

Mahotou

he was just talking about how he was upset that his dad didn't come to her funeral too. (edited)

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Din is not a Damon, Draco

Lyall

it's a dark hole i can paint you

Kabocha

http://www.galebound.com/comics/2460520/067/ But no, seriously, I feel like this was really really heavily implied

RebelVampire

no i definitely think thats his mom too

Kabocha

either that or conan has an older sister

RebelVampire

in the flashback

Lyall

it's

his first wife

Kabocha

conan had a wife

Mahotou

i thought he may have forgotten what her last words were

Lyall

yus

Kabocha

omg

so he really IS older

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

LOL

Lyall

conan is really a lot older than he looks

but when he was hidden he was made younger

Kabocha

add another 11 years onto that

Lyall

because he too is a magician

Respheal

Ha, add 11 years and he'd be Din's age

Lyall

shot

maybe

conan is felix

and pascal is his son

RebelVampire

i dont think were going that far into the twilight zone

Lyall

hey it can work

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

LMAO

Lyall

you can connect the bridges to make it work

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Draco it's not reincarnation

Mahotou

Kabo is SO PREPARED with these images xD(edited)

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

stahp applying Zenchav logic here

Lyall

Conan: Why do you look so much worse than with your age lines

Respheal

And then suddenly Din and Conan are fraternal twins

Lyall

i can connect anything

do not take theories from me

Kabocha

@Mahotou -- no, I'm actually literally drawing this as I go

I know I said I'd prepare stuff, but I can't make this up

RebelVampire

so one thing conan definitely forgot in that flashback is the amulet cause clearly hed seen it before

Lyall

kabo super good at drawing fast(edited)

yus

and his first horse

that someone stole

Respheal

Probably Parker lol

(jk)

Lyall

gdi parker

Respheal

Kabocha

we need to see Parker in comic

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Kabo is like a cali

Respheal

Someday!

Lyall

yus

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

is parker cute?

Lyall

always the important question

Kabocha

parker's drunk all the time XD

Respheal

Lyall

Respheal

He's uh.....

Lyall

that's not cute

maybe

Respheal

He's made an appearance in a lil derp comic I did for TWC

Lyall

is his first name peter

Respheal

https://respheal.tumblr.com/post/156311533421/twc-challenge-2-featuring-conan-and-his

Lyall

awww kiss him parker

when he's awake

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

aww he's a cute tubby guy RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Din tells Conan that the reason Conan is being hunted is because of Conan’s father, Felix. What exactly did Felix do to make so many enemies? Where do you think he went? Is he dead or is he out wandering the world somewhere? Do you think Conan will run into him or is Felix’s role inconsequential?

Lyall

my eyes are tired so i read hunted as haunted

Kabocha

Felix stole a horse.

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

the king's horse

Artemis is the king's horse

Mahotou

i think conan will meet with felix somewhere down the line.

Kabocha

Also, probably slept with someone's sister that he shouldnta

Lyall

well felix slept with a lot of people's significant others

Respheal

And that's when Conan punches the hell outta Felix (jk lol.....or am I?)(edited)

Lyall

UnU

RebelVampire

conan should punch felix anyway

say thanks for leaving to get milk and not coming back, dad

Lyall

Felix: Come son, let us embrace

Kabocha

So, who did Conan inherit his ahoge from?

His ma or his pa

Lyall

the pressing questions

Respheal

That's actually a good question

That I don't remember the answer to

Lyall

Respheal

-looks up refs-

Mahotou

its the grandpa

Lyall

from the horse

UvU

Kabocha

OH WAIT

I know

neither. XD

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Felix: You shall do my bidding

takes over the underworld

Lyall

no felix that's bad

Respheal

If rank is determined by ahoge, Pascal is probably higher ranked

Lyall

lolol

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

oh wait that's a different story

Lyall

Felix: Conan let me show you my magic bag

I hope Conan's real name is Katz

Kabocha

Yeah, Pascal would have the larger of the two ahoge

Respheal

Katz?

Mahotou

Pasc has windmill sweeping hair

Kabocha

...Those two I DID draw yesterday

Lyall

like Cat

so it's Felix and Katz

Respheal

omg

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

LOL

Lyall

and a magic bag

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Felix the Katz

Lyall

do not let me name things, i'm sorry

Kabocha

How much DOES conan know about his dad

Lyall

nothing probably

how much does conan know about himself even

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Felix is probably a threat to overthrow the king which is why they want he and Conan dead

RebelVampire

well he knows hes missing

Lyall

how can you know your dad if you don't know yourself

Kabocha

that's deep.

Respheal

Well, Conan has hinted a bit as to how much he knows about his dad

Which is to say: not much

Lyall

Conan: I had a dad?

Respheal

OH NO XDDDD

Lyall

Conan: I thought I was born from these horses and Parker

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

might be fabricated

definitely fabricated memory

Lyall

yeah that's true

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

poor guy

Lyall

even if he had a memory it could be false

Kabocha

have we seen conan's belly button yet

Lyall

conan is an unreliable source for info atm

Kabocha

DOES HE HAVE A BELLY BUTTON

Respheal

........wat

xDDD

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

yep

Kabocha

if he's not got parents

like, if he was some sort of magical being

would he actually have one?

Respheal

Alright Conan, lift yer shirt

Lyall

does conan have abs,

the important questions

Respheal

hell yeah

Boy works on a farm all day

Lyall

10/10

RebelVampire

>v>

Lyall

work it farm boy

Mahotou

he had a nice back

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

he's ripped

Kabocha

Din also has a nice back.

and a nice tattoo

Mahotou

that page where he took off his shirt

#hesstrippingagain

Lyall

The tattoo is proof he sold his soul

for powah

RebelVampire

it looks more like a brand than a tattoo to me. like someone took a hot poker and put it to his back. and it went sizzle sizzle

Lyall

my first thought was what he's advertising

Mahotou

being branded gave him powerzz

Lyall

someone used din as a billboard

Mahotou

powerful slave?

Lyall

that's really a company

RebelVampire

or being branded is him being marked as magician cattle O_O

Lyall

ooooooh

Mahotou

that

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Din Works for Conan's clan

Lyall

that's what i think

Kabocha

I feel like I've seen din's tattoo somewhere in comic tho

Lyall

slave to conan's family

RebelVampire

the watch

Lyall

yus

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Pascal works for the King

Lyall

but maybe it's not the real king

RebelVampire

its the same emblem on conan's watch or looks supsiciously similar

Lyall

maybe felix was the real king, but went into hiding

that's why he's missing

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

yep

maybe it was invaded

Lyall

yis

Mahotou

sht someone help me compare the watch to din's sholder

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

then King whoeverhisname is

Lyall

we shall call him Gink

King Gink

Mahotou

Gink-king?

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

is scared that Conan's clan will go revenge

RebelVampire

draco you cant always just make new names by spelling backwards

Respheal

Watch: http://www.galebound.com/comics/2362830/035/ Shoulder: http://www.galebound.com/comics/2369956/040/

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

which is why he wants Felix and his heir dead

Lyall

yes I can

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

LOL draco

Respheal

@Mahotou ^

Lyall

Conan's real name is Nanoc

maybe Felix is a robin hood type

pushed into hiding but doing good for the poor

but he looks like an ass

so i doubt it

RebelVampire

but i cant say for sure about the similarities. theyre just suspiciously similar.

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

draco

Conan's mind is fabricated as to protech him

well that was kinda obvious(edited)

Lyall

yis

Kabocha

I feel like I remember seeing a comment once about some of the scenery in Evenheim and I'm like what are some of these comments talking about

cameos?

Kabocha

and other stuff

Respheal

Hahaha if it makes it easier to refer to the king Din's looking to overthrow, King Cymaria works (they go by their city-state name sometimes)

Ah yeah there were a few pages with cameos from other comics

Lyall

maybe the king is a woman

cause their name ends in A

i'm sorry i really drank too much caffeine

RebelVampire

if this is a matter of felix is the true king i still dont get why theyd wait so long to deal with him. not to mention even if he changed his name i think hed be found out cause a king being dethroned is kind of a big deal

Lyall

yeah that's true rebel

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

probably because Conan is more powerful

and they were waiting him to grow up

lel

Lyall

but maybe he's a different kind of royalty

i'm not fully theorized in the construct of the world

RebelVampire

im not talking about conan im talking about felix

Lyall

so the hierarchy of such could be different than the assumed

RebelVampire

conan wouldnt of been born yet

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

but it's related

Respheal

Conan's 22, for reference

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

wait

he's 22?

Lyall

like maybe there's a different kind of royalty amongst the magician

than with the lands

Mahotou

its in the cast page too right?

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

again, I didn't read anything aside the main pages

Respheal

It's fine ^^

It's all optional supplementary stuff hiding back there lol

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

it's more fun to speculate that way

RebelVampire

yeah conan is 22 so he was born 3 years after din and his cohorts think felix went missing.

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Felix ran away

Lyall

i want to read it all again, and the supplemental stuff :<

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

met the magician girl

lived with them for 11 years

Lyall

looks at pile of pages to draw

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

then ran away again

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

rip my theory

Lyall

would felix be din's father then

Respheal

Lyall

wha

RebelVampire

so i guess felix left when conan was 8?

Respheal

Oh nah I'm just trolling with my reactions mostly xD

All of the theories have been good!

Correct

22-14=8

Wait

Lyall

bad parenting felix

Respheal

Yeah

Lyall

abandoning your son

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

psh who does that

Lyall

for the greater good

of brothels

no not you rex

get back in your hole

Kabocha

We need an icon for Felix now

Respheal

That would be the grumpiest icon

Lyall

felix joins dad of the year club

Respheal

RebelVampire

you can never have enough grumpy icons

Mahotou

i think Din's grin would be more appropriate for Res.

Respheal

That's like the criteria for being a Magician: have a blood-curdling evil grin

RebelVampire

i really love the pattern on pascal's shirt random

Lyall

lolololol

yus

Respheal

Pascal likes dressin up

Lyall

he wears it well

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

he and din are

Mahotou

Pasc "i'm an assasin so i'm in all black but i wanna stand out and be fancy soooo RED CRAVAT"

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

yiss

Respheal

LOL

Lyall

lolol

Respheal

Hahaha Pascal wears the red cravat solely cuz it matches his magic's color

He's like IT MATCHES YES

Kabocha

and his eyes!

Lyall

omg XD that dork

Kabocha

also the blood of his enemies!

Respheal

Well yeah the ring around the eyes matches their magic too

Kabocha

res, where's that stupid pic of pascal I drew

Respheal

(Din's is kinda hard to see sometimes--I gotta fix that)

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

I like red so I approve

Lyall

blueisbest

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

red

Lyall

blue

Respheal

>w>

Respheal

Gonna quote @Mahotou here

"WHO'S BLUE?????"

Lyall

felix?

RebelVampire

the entire comic

Respheal

Now it is! xD

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

draco

Lyall

mharz

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Lyall

yes

ironically mharz's name is blue and mine is red

RebelVampire

with 6 minutes left to go does anyone have any closing thoughts?

Lyall

ummm

tell us all the secrets

Respheal

Since we're getting close to it, I was gonna mention what the next chapter's gonna be called

#speculation

Mahotou

OOOOOOOOOO

Kabocha

Respheal

Chapter 4: Hear, Obey, Defy

Mahotou

*looks at Din

RebelVampire

rip conan

Lyall

din gonna disobey

tsks

it's okay din

i support you

kill him if necessary

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

be free Din, be free

Lyall

yus

free your genie bond

Respheal

Hahaha funny you should mention that

Din -> djinn

Lyall

oh i noticed

Respheal

Lyall

and then i forgot

Respheal

LOL

Lyall

but now i remember

Kabocha

When's Din gonna have another slasher smile?

RebelVampire

but were all assuming it means din gonna betray conan i think. it could be that they cross the bridge, someone is like "din you take that boy to the king gosh" and then din is like no go jump off a bridge

Lyall

look at din

of course he's going to betray him

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

I trust Din

with my pennies

Respheal

RebelVampire

i trust artemis

Lyall

I trust din to do what's right for the story

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Artemis is best

Lyall

i trust din to do what's right for din too

unless

he forms a really really strong bond with conan

which could happen

but he does not have that atm

Respheal

Hahaha I will say, a lot of you were SERIOUSLY on the right track

I was screaming

Lyall

it was the horse theory wasn't it

Respheal

Yes

You caught me

Lyall

felix is a horse

Respheal

Conan's mom never died, she's been the horse all along

Lyall

just horsing around

RebelVampire

to be fair tho if din wants to overthrow the king its not to his advantage yet to betray conan if conan is some necessary component

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Din wants to be king

RebelVampire

i approve of King Din

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

overthrows the king first then makes conan the king

Lyall

i feel like a lot of the story pieces are still missing for me to make a real judgement on who's right and wrong

Lyall

I support king Din 100%

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

then overthrow conan

Lyall

i want a picture of king Din

Kabocha

Res was totally blown away by the theories.

Respheal

Yeah, that's the thing--there is a LOT of missing info right now

Lyall

i feel he'd be very lelouch

Respheal

More info will come of course.....but then that might just spawn MORE QUESTIONS

-evil laugh-

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

gonna wait until chapter 10

Lyall

d'aaaaw

Mharz of Angels & Punchy Ladies

Likes to pile up things

Respheal

Oh heck chapter ten's gonna be nuts

Lyall

res so good at keeping spoilers

Respheal

.....so is every chapter up to that but y'know

RebelVampire

Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party is now complete~! Thank you everyone so much for joining this week’s chat~! That being said, if you would like to continue discussing the comic, we encourage you to do so~! We want to give a big thank you to Respheal, as well, for volunteering Galebound for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support Respheal’s efforts. If you have questions, concerns, or suggestions about CTP, please feel free to PM me, or e-mail me at [email protected].

With that said, next week’s Comic Tea Party will focus on Voidchild by David Lindholm. Please use this week to read as much of the comic as you would like. Hope to see you next Thursday (October 12th) from 5PM to 7PM PDT~! Until then~! Comic: https://tapas.io/series/voidchild/

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comic bookclub #bookclub #start faire #startfaire #comic tea party #ctp #comicteaparty #respheal #galebound

5 notes · View notes

hyungkyun · 7 years

Text

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

i was tagged by these two babes: @monbeboo @whalienwrote //// thank uuu 🌼💕 ily

THE LAST:

1. Drink: ice tea

2. Phone call: my sister to tell her to come and pick me up from my friend’s house lol

3. Text message: “i’m going to get this text tattooed” and u’ll never know what the text was hehe (it was dumb)

4. Song you listened to: probably shine forever yesterday lol??

5. Time you cried: a couple of days ago bc of finals 👍

6. Dated someone twice: real talk: not even once

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope

8. Been cheated on: well, clearly not 😪

9. Lost someone special: mh nope

10. Been depressed: meh i don’t think it was actual depression so?

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: black, baby pink and army green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: surprisingly yes??? i made some here on tumblr and they’re the cutest???? 💗💗💗

16. Fallen out of love: nope

17. Laughed until you cried: does hysterically laughing because ure doomed count? lol

18. Found out someone was talking about you: yea lmaoo

19. Met someone who changed you: not really

20. Found out who your friends are: eh no

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nope

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: almost all of them

23. Do you have any pets: nope :(

24. Do you want to change your name: yes oh my god, give me something shorter

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: i was studying philosophy fml

26. What time did you wake up: 6 am? did i even sleep? lmao

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching a movie w/ friends 🌸

28. Name something you can’t wait for: mY FINALS TO END PLEASE JUST LET ME GO

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: like ten minutes ago, she brought me candies

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my social skills tbh

31. What are you listening right now: You were Beautiful by DAY6 !!!!

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: no

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: me, myself and i

34. Most visited Website: tumblr probably or youtube lol

35. Mole/s: i don’t have many but there are some that i quite like?? i have a super tiny one under my right eye that i’ve grown fond of and one on my right index finger which i find so,,, unique??? idk i rlly like it adfkjh

36. Mark/s: one on my left thigh

37. Childhood dream: probably be a mangaka wow stfu 7yo me ure just a weeaboo

38. Hair color: i have a weird reddish thing going on, i’m thinking about dying it a deep midnight blue or peach pink

39. Long or short hair: i’ve had long ass hair for such a long time, now that i cut it i’m like,,,, shORTER

40. Do you have a crush on someone: …does changkyun count………

41. What do you like about yourself: mmh i have baby smooth skin, that’s,,,, nice

42. Piercings: four on my left ear and two on my right one

43. Bloodtype: either B or A lol i get it confused w/ my sister’s lol

44. Nickname: cri (cree) or stina (steena), more the first than the latter, but i like stina better??? tough shit

45. Relationship status: dead

46. Zodiac: gemini (yea i’m that bitch)

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite TV Show: bbc sherlock, how problematic

49. Tattoos: i wish ://

50. Right or left hand: righty

51. Surgery: i had my appendix removed last year and my wisdom teeth this year

52. Piercing: …why are you asking this again

53. Sport: don’t know her

55. Vacation: vacation what? wait, the answer is no anyway lmao

56. Pair of trainers: i haven’t used trainers since middle school and they were like,,, nike i guess

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: i was eating cherries before starting this thing sdjfks

58. Drinking: nothing?

59. I’m about to: go revise math……..jfc

61. Waiting for: the sweet release of death

62. Want: …more… sleep…….

63. Get married: idc

64. Career: i’d love it to be something cool and artistic but guess what? not happening

WHICH IS BETTER?:

65. Hugs or kisses: mmhhh hugs

66. Lips or eyes: i pay attention to eyes more so,,,

67. Shorter or taller: bith taller who tf is shorter than me anyway

68. Older or younger: older i guess but idc, really

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: adjjkfdsb i can’t choose??????

71. Sensitive or loud: a bit of both..? i’m rlly quiet so i can’t communicate w/ ppl as quiet as me but if you’re really loud,,,,, i won’t hesitate to break your neck

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: ,,,a middle way? ?

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: nope

75. Drank hard liquor: actually, i don’t like any type of alcohol, it just tastes weird (i’m 4yo)

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: thank god no

77. Turned someone down: i think i did but i’m not sure???

78. Sex in the first date: well i never dated anyone so take a wild guess

79. Broken someones heart: idk?? i’m so clueless about this stuff and idc????? lol

80. Had your heart broken: nah

81. Been arrested: no lmao

82. Cried when someone died: mh no

83. Fallen for a friend: haha what

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: lmfao

85. Miracles: nope

86. Love at first sight: eehh

87. Santa Claus: dude

88. Kiss in the first date: why not

89. Angels: nope

OTHER:

90. Current best friends name: martina and rita 💐

91. Eyecolor: very dark brown

92. Favorite movie: i have no idea omg

alright this was long and i should be revising or sleeping but whatever am i rite!!!! kill me!!!!!!!

anyway i had fun and i’m tagging some peeps, not 20 cause that’s insane @softsoo @hyung-vvon @octavixn @juststanmonstax @peachminhyuk @thiinkingofhim @baby-astro @4jooheon

i feel so annoying always tagging the same people so i followed ashleigh’s wise example and tagged some new mutuals as well!! you don’t have to do this tho lol 🌻 🌼 🌸 🌺

#i should really be revising wtfffffff okay i'm going #i needed a break tho lol #tag game #tagged

4 notes · View notes

makesureee · 8 years

Note

1-150 plz ty~~

omg holy shit that’s a lot and i’m on adderall this will be fun omg yay

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?some bitch ass bitch who’s dead to me

2. Are you outgoing or shy?DEFINITELY shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?any three of my friends, whenever they happen to hit me up, my dog, and my fUTURE GIRLFRIEND WHERE ARE YOU

4. Are you easy to get along with?it depends how well you know me i suppose but i am generally kind, or at least i try to be

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?i do not like anyone so i just get drunk by myself

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?i reallyyyyy love masculine looking girls (could be short hair, shaved hair, tats, piercings, just an all around “gay” look, which is kinda funny for a straight guy XD) but i ALSO LOVE feminine girls fat girls skinny girls just…..GIRLSbut as far as finding people attractive even tho i’m straight boys can be hecka cute too and i typically find myself finding the more feminine looking bois cuteand as for anyone nonbinary or genderqueer it’s pretty much the same

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?no but boy i sure hope so

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?fuck heteronormativity but uh no one really. i don’t like anyone. if you mean literally in general then i’m waiting for my friend to hit me up so we can smoke XD

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?yeah but not for reasons you’d think

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?no fuckin idea

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?“well i also gotta head back to my house so you’re good” cause my friend needed some time to get weed and food before i head over

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?Sad Clown - Kate MicucciPick a suburb, find a culdesac - Amy Bruce Spaceshowstraight kids playing dress up - the official suckersGot High and Still Got No Friends - Shelf LifeOld Maid Cards - Kate Micucci

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?only if it’s someone i’m really really really comfortable with

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?nope. i believe in coincidence and probability

15. What good thing happened this summer?nothing honestly

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?fUCK to the NO

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?um…definitely?? without a doubt??? we’re so small we’re so small we could just instantaneously die any second bruh we’re dust in the breeze this question gave me another existential crisis i want a refund

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?lol no

19. Do you like bubble baths?i used to but now it’s just like……im hot and sweaty and can’t breathe why is the air so wet……

20. Do you like your neighbors?i don’t know my neighbors but i like them because their christmas lights are aesthetic and ONE OF MY NEIGHBORS just has like 20 FUCKIN DUCKS chilling in their front yard. they’re like 3 houses down across the street but if i leave my window open sometimes i can hear them having a good time

21. What are you bad habits?drug dependency/addictive tendencies

22. Where would you like to travel?i wanna go back to italy. spain would be nice. idk. like……the earth has so many places…..

23. Do you have trust issues?nah i’m very forgiving and it sucks

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?drugs!

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?how in the world do i pick

26. What do you do when you wake up?roll a blunt…and smoke it

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?that question is complicated. i’m white, so ideally (in this corrupt awful world), it’s the most advantageous so i wouldn’t change as to have better opportunities and less judgement. however, hOLY SHIT ALL THE COLORS OF THE PEOPLE ARE SO COOL AND BEING WHITE LOOKS SO BOORRINGG so if we lived in a hypothetical world where every ethnicity was held at an equal standard yes a darker skin color would be cool

28. Who are you most comfortable around?nobody really. i’m not emotionally close to anyone right now

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?no but one relationship i ended and the other party did not want it to end

30. Do you ever want to get married?marriage doesn’t really matter to me. just a certificate. if it can help with taxes and whatever, sure, as long as i can remain the important parts of my independence. but imo i don’t even think that marriage should give people tax benefits but you take what good things the fucked up world gives ya

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? LOL YES BUT I’D LOOK RIDICULOUS

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?michonne from the walking dead is super attractive and i can’t really think of anyone else but i probably would not have a threesome with celebrities that’s too much pressure

33. Spell your name with your chin.samkel (THAT WAS CLOSE)

34. Do you play sports? What sports?ew

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?TV but like does netflix count

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?not really i have this ability to not like people unless i’m almost certain they like me and terminate all feelings for a person if rejected. i mean like, i liked someone in high school once and dropped hardcore hints but never outright said it so killed my feelings and they actually told me recently that they used to have a crush on me too XDD funny ass shit

37. What do you say during awkward silences?“i’m gonna play some music”

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?cute funny stoner who loves and accepts me for who i am and supports me and helps me grow and does pills with me and loves all my new favorite music i show her and WITH LIKE A ONE IN BILLION CHANCE i’d like her to be shorter than me cause i’m really short and that’s really killer on my self esteem….but like….if we were both super short imagine how cute that’d be…..we’d be like ruby and sapphire….we’d get made fun of and be the smol couple but we would be smol together

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?my local headshops lolol

40. What do you want to do after high school?i’m already after high school but ultimately i want to be a glassblower and make bongs and shit

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?i don’t believe in blanket statements (lol that in itself is a blanket statement)

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?i’m awkward or anxious and don’t know what to say because i don’t know how to be a person

43. Do you smile at strangers?sometimes

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?NEITHER IF I AM NOT GUARANTEED TO SURVIVE but space even though i would still have massive panic attacks with that guarantee like i can’t even be on a road i don’t know by myself without having an anxiety attack

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?the hope that one day i’ll have something that makes me feel less empty

46. What are you paranoid about?holy shit EVERYTHING everyone hates me and i’m a disappointment to my parents and i’m super unattractive and everyone that sees me judges me and like these are straight up facts yo

47. Have you ever been high?i’m high right now

48. Have you ever been drunk?i’m drunk right now. just kidding on that one. i kinda used to be an alcoholic but i traded it in for pot lol. best decision ever. worst financial decision ever tho

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?i put 12 shucks of corn up my asshole

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?black. almost everything i wear is black when will i not act like im in high school

51. Ever wished you were someone else?only always

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?confidential

53. Favourite makeup brand?none i ent wear makeup

54. Favourite store?i’m not a shopping person so i’d again have to go with my local headshop

55. Favourite blog?i cannot choose

56. Favourite colour?black

57. Favourite food?also cannot choose

58. Last thing you ate?i have no idea i haven’t eaten today

59. First thing you ate this morning?i have no idea i literally have not eaten today

60. Ever won a competition? For what?you bitches better wATCH oUT cause this guy got SECOND PLACE in his THIRD GRADE SCIENCE FAIR for a poster board about EVAPORATIONand eh i think i won an art show award or two in high school

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?no i never even skipped class in high school cause with attendance you get exemption rights from exams~ now that i’m in college i skip occasionally tho lol

62. Been arrested? For what?dear god no i’d have a panic attack so hard i think the cop would feel bad for me

63. Ever been in love?yep

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?ugh ew ok so like i was bi at the time and so was he (but i wasn’t into this guy at all) but so anyway it’s after school and we’re behind it with our friends and we start walking away and he pulls me aside and the friends keep walking and his face kept getting closer to mine and in my head i’m just like dude…..why you….getting closer….that’s close….what…..oh….okay. that’s. lips. okay. it was like a gross quick kiss and then like when we talked about it and i rejected him hE WENT AND TOLD ALL HIS FRIENDS THAT HE REJECTED ME. luckily a friend i used to have and/or fuck jumped in while i wasn’t present and defended me cause that’s some straight bullshit.

65. Are you hungry right now?nah i’m on adderall

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?eh nah only because it’s harder to form a bond. not that i have strong bonds with my irl friends but we communicate more and smoke together

67. Facebook or Twitter?neither

68. Twitter or Tumblr?tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?no

70. Names of your bestfriends?lexi is me only best friend but even we aren’t suuuper close anymore

71. Craving something? What?fulfillment and happiness and a girlfriend

72. What colour are your towels?green

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?bruh…….9 ok but 2 are for my dog when she isn’t sleeping next to me on my pillows

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?nah but i use my dog as a cuddle buddy. if she doesn’t wanna cuddle we just hold hands

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?i probably have a good bit lying around my room. idk maybe like 5-8 somewhere in a drawer or whatever

75. Favourite animal?cliche as fuck but like….dogs i love dogs i love themi illove them so much i lvoe dogs

76. What colour is your underwear?currently grey with black stripes lol

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?vanilla for sure

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?oreo!

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?black XD

80. What colour pants?BLACK

81. Favourite tv show?black. nah probably adventure time or rick and morty

82. Favourite movie?i don’t like movies that much

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?have seen neither

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?nope?

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?who

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?stoner turtle

87. First person you talked to today?my adderall buddy. she texted me like the second i woke up some how

88. Last person you talked to today?she literally just texted me as i was writing that out soooo

89. Name a person you hate?i aint no snitch

90. Name a person you love?lexi cause that’s positive

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?myself

92. In a fight with someone?never been, never want

93. How many sweatpants do you have?one

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?i had one but as of today i have THREE

95. Last movie you watched?suicide squad and it sucked but pretty colors tho

96. Favourite actress?ent got one

97. Favourite actor?nope

98. Do you tan a lot?not at all what is the sun

99. Have any pets?two! daisy and ko bear!

100. How are you feeling?i’m feeling okay. i’ll feel better cause now my friend hit me up but i’m rushing to finish this!

101. Do you type fast?YA DAMN RIGHT I DO I GOTTA FINISH THIS

102. Do you regret anything from your past?i regret like almost everything?

103. Can you spell well?the answer is no

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?nope

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?yep

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?yep

107. Have you ever been on a horse?ONCE WHEN I WAS LITTLE BUT I WANNA DO IT AGAIN but i’ve been on a camel does that count

108. What should you be doing?bagging my weed and leaving the house right now

109. Is something irritating you right now?myself as always

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?nope

111. Do you have trust issues?i trusted you not to repeat a question so maybe i do now

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?A STUPID ASS BITCH I REGRET IT SO MUCH i never cry in front of ANYONE before that it had been THREE YEARS since i cried in front of someone but i trust horrible people

113. What was your childhood nickname?sammy

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?yep. i was born in florida, live in georgia. been to a few other surrounding states but nowhere far other than abroad

115. Do you play the Wii?nah

116. Are you listening to music right now?nah the album ended

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?i don’t like soup

118. Do you like Chinese food?not really i wanna eat normal food with chopsticks tho

119. Favourite book?ew

120. Are you afraid of the dark?nah but i still get the creeps

121. Are you mean?some people seem to think so. i think so a lot of the time.

122. Is cheating ever okay?yes. i don’t do blanket statements

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?dear god no i avoid super messes but pretty much do whatever

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?fuck no

125. Do you believe in true love?i believe that love can be true but i do not believe that one single individual is your “soul mate” or “perfect match” or whatever. there are potentially thousands of people that you could fall madly in love with and it’s just probability and coincidence that allow you to collide with them

126. Are you currently bored?with my life yeah

127. What makes you happy?drugs and friends and dogs

128. Would you change your name?i have and it’s awesome now

129. What your zodiac sign?taurus

130. Do you like subway?never ridden one

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?heteronormative again and i don’t have a best friend but the only two female friends i have i would not have sex with, although me and one of them make cute jokes about dating and romance all the time

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?BRUH STOP REPEATING

133. Favourite lyrics right now?“you tell me all the reasons you hate meand it feels like you’re listing off the symptoms of a borderline personalityand I know I am not tetheredto all the behaviors or the thoughtsI know one day I could rise above it allbut for now my illness makes people think I really suckand I guess for a couple more years I need to suck it up”- Don’t Blame Yourself by Human Kitten

i relate hella cause i’m pretty sure i have bpd and i can’t afford health insurance so i’m just kinda here

134. Can you count to one million?fuck no

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?i never remember shit. that’s seriously not a lie i don’t remember

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?my door is always closed unless i’m home alone but eVEN THEN it’s closed if i’m sleeping

137. How tall are you?ew 5′2

138. Curly or Straight hair?mine? straight

139. Brunette or Blonde?brunette

140. Summer or Winter?winter

141. Night or Day?both or in between

142. Favourite month?october or december. i like the october vibe but like the december $$$$$

143. Are you a vegetarian?nooope

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?milk

145. Tea or Coffee?green tea with mint please!

146. Was today a good day?it was not terrible. first day of the new quarter. worked my ass off but made some money. aboutta go smoke. it’s been alright

147. Mars or Snickers?neither

148. What’s your favourite quote?too many good quotes

149. Do you believe in ghosts?nope i believe in science and facts homie g

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?“While some people will argue that this (A) may not exist or (B) is certainly not part of our physical forms, I’m going to go ahead and boldly state that consciousness (at the very least) is an irrefutable part of the human experience.” no shit that was Hannah Hart’s My Drunk Kitchen

#thanks for the fun!!!!#ily #<3333 #anon #anonymous #answered

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