#me when medical professionals beef it YES!!!!!!!!

[riphimopen]

Kevin Van Hentenryck

wheres the stupid medical professionals im fucking balling pic

[fauvester]

ok, so. Since your adoption AU has quickly become my no. 1 new obsession, I would totally love to make some fanart or write some fanfic about it. Would you be okay with that?

If not, that’s totally fine! If yes, I’d really like for you to ramble to me about these questions I have (if you have time) because if I make fanart/fanfic I want it to be 100% accurate, because I’m a perfectionist. So, correct me if I’m wrong pls:

Elim “Lim” Junior likes to cook, was the first to get adopted, and is the oldest brother. He seems to me to be a calm kinda guy. Gives me safe vibes, like I would let him bear hug me. What does he do, I wonder? Like, for a living? Or what does he want to do when he’s older? Idan is the youngest, absolute cutie, I adore him. What does he want to do when he grows up? And what are his hobbies? Iskra is Garak’s little girl, except she’s not even that little and also she marries a Klingon doctor, am I right? Is she the one who tries out tailoring, do I remember that correctly? What does she do for a living? Or is she actually a professional tailor?? Then, there’s Jocasta. She’s older than Iskra, right? She’s a nurse. Does she work with Julian sometimes? What else does she like to do in her free time?

Yes, I’m interrogating you, yes I want to get to know them, I’m sorry if this is too many questions at once. Don’t feel obligated to answer all of this. Hope you have a great day! :)

Oh man I'd be so flattered!! come on into the sandbox!! I'm so chuffed that you like them as much as I do! Let me try to put stuff down that I've been carrying around in my head re: the kids -

Young Elim ("Lim" "Elim Garak, no relation") is of a very calvinist cut (always busy, always doing something useful, always sober, always parsimonious). Repairs, cooking, cleaning. Inclined to be grumpy. Phenomenally stubborn. Probably a good hugger but on the stiff side. Remembers the most about his family before the Fire, and for decades his grief manifested as anger and the most convenient subject for that anger was the Manifestation of the Old Cardassia, Garak senior. They had a contentious relationship with him until Lim got into his twenties and mellowed out a bit, but they had some bitterly cold grudge matches before then (Garak, beefing with a child? MUCH more likely than you'd think!)

He's a full time housekeeper, first for his Castellan father (he's the cardassian jackie kennedy. refurbishing the Castellan's home, overseeing the rest of the help, hosting events, etc) and then for his mayor wife (and their many future children). Nobody would suggest that it's an unmanly line of work, but they may privately think it. Lim was never a particular stand-out at school and decided to let Iskra be the ambitious one.

His wife is a lot. She REALLY wanted to marry into the Garak family for political cache and set her cap on him but he was NOT having it at first. She had to do a lot of courting. They get along just fine now. Iskra doesn't like her but maybe that's because they're too similar.

Idan is IN STARFLEET! The first Cardassian, and Cardassia isn't even part of the federation! By the time he was growing up, Bashir's disillusionment with the Federation softened enough to weave lots of tempting tales of adventure and discovery for his youngest.

Worf is his idol (first Klingon solidarity!) but where Worf recognized the "you have to decide whether to be liked or be respected" decision and decided to be respected at the expense of coming off as an unpleasant terminally humorless zealot, while Idan plays up his natural goofiness to keep his classmates from feeling threatened by their 6'4 appropriately strong, fast Obsidian Order/Starfleet Medical raised Scion of Cardassia classmate. He's actually very capable and very dangerous when he isn't pretending to be an idiot (or more of one than he really is, at least). Just wants to be liked. Kind of a jock, plays racquetball and does vulcan martial arts. Enjoys Romulan pop (rpop) like every other young Cardassian.

Has a tail. Accidentally trips people sometimes.

Iskra is for real that little. She's very short.

She gets along best with Garak, at least until Lim grows up-up. She was taught from a young age to memorize, recite and debate at length, and naturally did well in academics. She goes to some Federation planet (Andor?) to study comparative law, and then back to Cardassia to read Cardassian law as an apprentice. Through a combination of bald nepotism, personal charisma and actual merit, she snags a position as the attachè of Ambassador Lang to the Federation, where she spends a few years advancing her father's administration's diplomatic interests. Once he steps down and Lang takes his place she ends up... somehow... on a Starfleet mission......?...... and meets her eventual wife! She serves... some diplomatic purpose. Besides amusing herself. I just haven't decided what that would be yet.

Jocasta (oh sweet babbygirl I have not developed you much at all lol) gets along best with Julian because he does enough talking for both of them. She started out helping him with office work in the hospital, but she's the sort of person who Does Work when it Needs to be Done and took enough tasks onto herself that she's become indispensable. Bashir taught her what she needs to know about nursing, and she helps him with the cultural missteps he occasionally still makes. She's the last line of defense if someone's a particularly hard stick because she can throw a needle under tough scales like it's nothing (she could have been a good Obsidian Order torturer).

She would have been the Housekeeper of the family if not for Lim, so she does the decorative stuff that he doesn't - mending and eventually sewing, gardening, even a little art. It reminds Garak a little too much of Ziyal sometimes, but that's a kind of gift, too.

ANYWAYS THATS THE KIDDOOOOOOOOOS! I have a lot of stuff thrown in the #garashir adoption au tag if you're looking about for other tasty bits, it is all approximately Fauve-canon but feel free to play in this space however you like.. I love to talk about them! I'd be so tickled if you wanted to do something with them.

[wrestlersownmyheart]

“Chances Are” Ch. 9 (Book 2 In the “Chances” Series) Finn Bálor X OC

Pairing: Finn Bálor X Female OC Summary: After a traumatic childhood and a murder attempt that left her with a heart condition, Miracle Seanoa wants nothing more than to find some peace and fulfillment in her life. Working as a writer for WWE, she's shocked when Stephanie McMahon takes a gamble on her skills and assigns her to a new RAW roster member. None other than Finn Bálor—the man who'd long ago saved her life and captured her heart.

Finn Bálor left his career as a police officer behind in order to chase his true dream of becoming a professional wrestler. Working incredibly hard within NXT, he soon finds himself drafted to Monday Night RAW. He's shocked to see Miracle again, but even more shocked is he to see what a stunning woman she's become.

However, someone else has had his eye on Miracle for a long while. With his infatuation turning to a deep, dark obsession, he's not going to give up on her easily. Finn will have to resort to his past skills as a cop, to protect the woman he loves.

Because if her weakening heart doesn't kill her, her stalker just might... Disclaimers: I own nothing or anyone associated or affiliated with WWE. I own only the original characters. This is just a fictional story that came from my imagination.Chapter Content & Trigger Warnings: discussions of an attack

Chapter 9

"Where. Are. They," Joe demanded, pacing back and forth in Gerald's office. His black eyes had gone even darker if that was at all possible.

"I'm sure Finn is hurrying her over here as we speak," AJ said softly, leaning nervously against a medical cabinet. "You only got off the phone with Karl a couple of minutes ago."

"I don't care," Joe shot back. "He's not bringing her fast enough," he grumbled under his breath as he paced once more.

"Just try to stay calm," Gerald said, readying an oxygen tank for when Miracle arrived. "You'll only upset her more."

"Stay calm," Joe scoffed. "My little girl was attacked!"

"She'll be okay," Luke said softly, placing his hand on Joe's shoulder.

"Yeah, she's a tough girl," Karl agreed.

At that moment, they heard a commotion in the hallway and turned to see Finn carrying a limp Miracle toward them.

"Let me t'rough!"

There was an urgency in Finn's voice that Joe nor AJ had ever heard before. Everyone else seemed to notice it too because they began parting like the Red Sea.

Instantly, Finn was in the office and laying Miracle down on the cot. He took her hand gently, not wanting to be separated from her, but immediately released it at her pained moan. Everyone in the room stared at her hand then, and took note of the broken pinky finger.

"God," Joe cried, moving closer to his daughter. "What did he do to her?"

"Can't...breathe…." Miracle cried softly in her unconscious state. "Please, help me…"

"How do we know for sure it was a he that attacked her," Gerald asked, placing an oxygen mask over Miracle's nose and mouth and adjusting the straps around her ears. "Hasn't Maryse got some beef with her?"

Finn spoke up then. "Her clothes are ripped open, lad. It was most likely a man."

"WHAT?" Joe demanded. He peeked underneath Finn's hoodie and took note of Miracle's torn clothing, then growled. "He's dead when I find him."

"Yes, he is," FInn agreed.

Joe glared at him. "This wouldn't even have happened if you hadn't-"

"Joe," AJ cut in. "This wasn't Finn's fault-"

"Yes, it was," Finn interrupted AJ. "If I hadn't hurt her then someone wouldn't have found the opportunity to attack her, because she would have been with me."

"Everyone needs to shut up so I can check her over," Gerald said, taking control of the situation. "That glass needs to stay in her arm for now. If it's nicked an artery and I pull it out, she could bleed out. Now, none of her injuries appear to be life-threatening at the moment, so I'm going to focus on her heart till the EMTs get here and can take over."

He gathered her heart meds should she wake up enough to take them.

Joe had had all he could stand. "Miracle, wake up. Please."

The woman remained unconscious save for a twitch of fear here and there. Suddenly her whole body lurched on the cot and she began struggling with an unseen force.

"Baby! Baby, calm down!" Joe took hold of her arms, careful to avoid her broken finger, and held her still.

A frightened wail passed her lips as she continued to struggle.

"Honey, it's us," AJ said softly, stepping up to her bedside now. "It's your Daddy and Uncle AJ. You're safe now."

A sob jolted her slight frame as her eyes finally opened and landed on Joe and AJ. Recognition dawned at last. "Oh, God, Daddy…" She cried and lunged forward, latching onto her father. Joe secured his arms around her and held her close. "He's coming back for me," she cried weakly, into Joe's shoulder. "He said he'd be back." She trembled in her father's embrace and sobbed again.

"Over my dead body," Joe pulled back only enough to look into his daughter's eyes. "He'll never touch you again as long as I'm here to stop it."

"I'm scared, Daddy," Miracle cried, obviously struggling to stay awake. She fought to keep her hold on Joe. "So scared."

Before he could respond, a couple of EMTs entered the office with a gurney and began preparing Miracle for a trip to the hospital. They lifted her onto the gurney and began taking her blood pressure and oxygen readings.

"Her blood pressure is elevated at 160 over 115. Her O2 levels are at 76 percent."

"Please, help her," Joe practically begged.

"We will sir. Just let us work on her."

An IV was started and various meds were administered, along with more oxygen, and soon she was being wheeled on the gurney to the ambulance in the parking area. Joe was following close behind. She lost consciousness again due to the meds she'd been given to calm her down. So the EMTs got a move on and hurriedly pushed her to the ambulance, and began loading her. Joe climbed in beside her and got his cell phone out to call Ella.

"What hospital are you taking her to," AJ called out, digging his rental keys out of his pocket.

"Mercy Hospital of Buffalo," one of the EMT's shouted back.

"Can I ride to the hospital with you, AJ," Finn turned to his friend and asked.

"You know Joe isn't gonna want to see you there, right?" AJ said.

"I don't care," Finn replied, his blue eyes flashing. "It's my fault she's hurt. I'm going to be there with her."

With a roll of his eyes, AJ motioned for Finn to follow him to his rental.

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

Miracle slowly awoke in an uncomfortable hospital bed and was startled initially to feel two hands holding hers. As her eyes opened, she saw her mother sitting next to her bed grasping her uninjured hand, while Joe sat on her other side gently holding her injured one.

"Mama," Miracle whispered. "Oh, Mama…"

"Shh shh, baby girl," Ella Seanoa said softly, reaching over and brushing some long hair from Miracle's face. Her fingers lightly brushed over the bandage on her forehead and Miracle felt a twinge of soreness.

Ella's eyes were red from crying. "You're safe now sweetheart. Nothing is going to hurt you."

"He'll come for me, Mama. I'm so scared." She shook uncontrollably, her entire body shuddering.

"He's not going to touch you," Ella said, determination in her voice. "Ever."

"She's right," Joe added. "As long as you're with us, you'll be safe."

"But I can't be with you 24/7," MIracle replied softly. "I have a job-a life-Daddy. I'm not going to be babysat for the rest of my life."

"Shhh, we'll discuss it more later," Ella said, squeezing her hand. She reached up and pushed the nurse's call button to get a nurse's assistance.

"How can I help you?" Came a female voice through the room's speaker.

"Miracle is awake," Ella announced. "Could you send a doctor?"

"Consider him on his way," the nurse replied.

"Do you have any idea who did this," Joe asked Miracle. "How much do you remember?"

Miracle hesitated, not wanting to worry her parents with the fact that she apparently knew her attacker. "I just remember being in a hallway and then someone got me from behind. Smacked my head into the wall. And then I was carried into a closet…" She trailed off, not wanting to discuss any more.

"Joe, she's going to have to tell the police. Don't make her hash it out more than once," Ella reasoned.

Joe nodded, "I get it."

"Who found me," MIracle asked, grateful to whoever had saved her life.

Before Joe could answer, however, the doctor knocked and entered the room with two uniformed police officers. "Hello Miracle. How are you feeling," he asked kindly, approaching her bed.

"Sore. Frightened," MIracle replied cautiously.

"I'm sorry for what you went through," the doctor said sympathetically. "It was horrible." He paused for a moment. "Is it okay if these officers ask you a few questions after I examine you?"

She nodded, albeit begrudgingly. "Yes, it's fine."

The doctor began his examination of her to see if she had a concussion or any other dangerous injuries. Upon his studying of her, he did detect signs of a mild concussion. Thankfully everything else was minor save for her broken pinky finger which was now taped to her ring finger.

Once the doctor was done checking her over, he left for the time being and let the officers take over.

"Are you okay with us letting in a Finn Bálor and Karl Anderson during the interview? We understand that they are the two men who found you."

"Finn was one of the ones who found me?" Miracle was flabbergasted. She had no idea that Finn had searched for her-let alone found her.

The officers nodded, and motioned to the door. "Do you mind them joining us?"

"No, I don't mind," she said. Mostly because she felt she wasn't really being given a choice.

At her answer, one of the officers reached over to the door and opened it, motioning for someone to join them. In the next instant, Finn and Karl were in the room. Miracle immediately noticed a suspicious bit of shading over Finn's eye.

A black eye. Daddy?

"Now, can you tell us what happened," the remaining cop asked Miracle.

"I was walking down a hallway and was attacked from behind. They threw me into the wall and I hit my head."

"They? More than one perpetrator?"

"No, I'm sorry, it was one. A man."

"What happened then?"

Miracle looked down. "I can't remember much. I just remember hearing a cell phone go off and he told me he'd be back for me."

"You have no idea who it was, correct?"

"Correct."

"Okay, Mr. Bálor, Mr. Anderson…" The officers turned their attention to the two wrestlers. "How did you find Ms. Seanoa?"

"Sheer luck," Finn replied. "I found her ring lying on the hallway floor. Karl and I began checking all the rooms and closets. We came to a locked or jammed door and I kicked it open after hearing Miracle's voice. She was inside."

"You saw no one suspicious leaving the area?"

"No, I did not. I then checked her for injuries, and carried her to the trainer's office where she was treated till the ambulance came."

The cops turned back to Miracle then. "DId you notice anything about the perpetrator that would give him away? His voice or any distinctive features?"

Miracle shook her head, "No, he sort of disguised his voice. It was really raspy. And as I said, it was so dark I couldn't see anything."

"What did he say to you?"

Miracle looked down at her clasped hands. She didn't want to rehash what the man had said to her about Finn not being the one for her, but that he-the attacker-was the one for her. She shuddered suddenly. She also didn't want to talk about how the guy had said they'd make love "soon".

"What is it, baby," Joe interrupted her thoughts. "You can tell us."

"Nothing," Miracle said, with a slight shrug. Then winced as a pain shot through her bicep. The glass cut, she thought. It felt tight, as if it was stitched. Which it probably was. She had no idea how long she'd been out cold. "I can't remember anything of importance." She looked down again, avoiding their eyes.

Finn stared at her as if attempting to read her thoughts.

"Okay, well we have your information if we need to ask more questions," one of the officers told her. "We'll be in touch."

"Thank you," Miracle said with a nod to both of the cops.

And with that, the officers left and Miracle was left with her parents, Finn and Karl.

"Well, I'll be going now," Karl said immediately, looking uncomfortable. "You all obviously have some talking to do."

"Thank you Karl. For helping to find me," Miracle said softly. "I don't know how I can ever repay you."

"Don't worry about it, Doll," Karl answered with a slight smile. "We're all just happy you're safe now." Then he turned and left the room.

"I'd like to talk to Miracle," Finn said as soon as the room's door clicked shut.

"You have a lot of nerve," Joe said, curling his fingers into fists. "What if she doesn't want to see you?"

"I'd still like to talk to her, if she'll let me," Finn replied, his eyes growing sad.

Miracle stared at him a moment. Why can I not say no to him, she wondered to herself. Even after the way he hurt me, I can't deny him. "It's okay, Daddy. I'll listen to him."

"I don't want him anywhere around you," Joe started.

"Daddy," Miracle said tiredly, "If he wasn't anywhere around me I might still be locked in that closet. And that man might have come back for me by now." She paused for a moment to take a deep breath. "I am not a little girl anymore and you're going to have to face that fact."

"Come on, Joe." Ella had to gently nudge him before he'd move and leave the room. Within a few seconds, Miracle was alone with Finn.

He slowly moved to the side of her bed and sat down in the chair Ella had vacated. "There's something you're not tellin' us, lass."

"What are you talking about?" Miracle looked at him quizzically.

"You're forgetting that I was a cop once," Finn replied. "A good one. I know how to read the body and how to look for signs of lies. Your pants should be on fire by now."

"How dare you," Miracle exclaimed.

"Why are you protectin' him," Finn went on as if she'd not spoken.

"I'm not," she insisted. "I just didn't want to go into detail of some of the things he said to me. It was hard enough to hear it but to have to repeat it…" She shuddered again. "Besides it was nothing that would help find him."

Finn stared at her.

"How did you get the black eye," Miracle asked, changing the subject. "Daddy?"

Finn's lips quirked up a bit at the corners. "Your mum has quite the right hook on 'er."

"Surprisingly, I'm not surprised." Her lips curved up in a sad ghost of a smile.

To Finn's surprise, tears burned his eyes then.

"Miracle... I... I'm so sorry, love. I'd like to explain-"

"There's nothing to explain, Finn," she whispered, looking away from him. "We have no ties. You're free to sleep with whoever you want. You never indicated—nor said—you loved me. I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have believed-"

"I do lass," Finn cut her off; his words soft and almost timid. "I do love ya."

"I know you care about me and love me as a... friend, I suppose. But-"

"No." He shook his head and took her uninjured hand gently. "I fell for ya last night. It happened fast, and it-"

"You have a rather poor way of showing it."

"I was—am—scared, Miracle. I've never been in love before. I-"

"Finn? You're not in love now." She stared into his eyes as a tear spilled down her cheek. "If you were, you wouldn't have felt the need to... do what you did. Or rather, your first instinct would have been to... share it with me—and only me. Besides, don't you think I'm scared?"

Not giving the Irishman time to reply, she shakily rose from the hospital bed and winced as she stood to her feet, refusing his assistance when he reached out to steady her. "I'm... I'm going to the restroom. And... I need you to be gone when I come out, Finn. Please." She gingerly walked to the bathroom and entered, clicking the door shut behind her.

Sighing in defeat, Finn walked out of the room.

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

The next morning, Miracle was being released from the hospital. Ella and Joe were helping her get her things together to leave when there was a knock at the door.

"What do you want," Joe demanded upon opening the door and seeing it was Finn who had knocked.

"I came to return Miracle's things," Finn said sheepishly. He indicated a computer case, a purse and a shopping bag from Toys R' Us.

"Fine. Leave them on the chair and leave."

"Daddy, stop it," Miracle said, making herself known and stepping toward FInn. "Thank you, Finn."

She reached for the bags and immediately handed the Toys R' Us bag back to him. "That was for you."

"I can't accept that, love."

"Please, Finn. I can't..." She recoiled from the bag as if it would burn her. "Just take it."

"Are ya gonna erase me from your life completely, Miracle?"

Having heard enough, Joe stepped forward. "If that's what she needs to do to feel better, then yes, Finn. She will."

"Daddy, stop it." Her dark eyes flashed briefly. Softening her tone she continued, "Could you and mom give us a few minutes? We do need to talk."

Reluctantly, Joe and Ella left the room, and Miracle sat down on the edge of the bed while Finn took a seat in a chair across from her.

"I was promoted to Creative," Miracle began softly. "Stephanie told me that I'd possibly need to fill in once in a while as a correspondent if they're short handed, but that I'll be part of the Creative team."

Finn gave her a cautious smile. "That's wonderful. When do you-"

"Stephanie had told me to take two weeks off for a vacation," Miracle interrupted him, the look in her eyes somewhat vacant. Finn wasn't sure he was going to like where her somber tone was headed.

Shouldn't she sound a bit more happy about it?

"But this morning I called her and told her about what happened. I told her that I need more time."

He nodded, "Well, I hate d'at ya won't be around f'r a while, but I agree d'at ya need some time. When do you think you'll be back though?"

"I don't know that I'm coming back at all, Finn."

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[corporatefallout]

My ideas so far on who the managers are in the AU!! (Notes left on some btw)

Prester Virgil

Long time Minutemen soldier. Paranoid, aggressive, self centered, and stubborn. He's generally both a helpful hand and also terrifying at times.

Brian

An Institute scientist in the Robotics division. Egotistical and heavily book smart which has him acting on statistical means than emotional. But not street smart in the slightest. One step into the wasteland and he's probably dead in a week.

Misty Monsoon

A loner that lives on the island of Far Harbor. Besides the wild life, Mary is her only friend around here. Since most had either died or succumbed to the fog. She's somewhat in hiding too...

Mary Anna

Exploring the island, Mary studies the biology that was made from the environment and radiation. With the help of Misty as well. She's not one to head into violence and would rather act more emotionally or thoughtfully.

Cosmo Kuiper

One of the dangerous gangs and richest you never want to mess with. Having people running for their lives or for their caps. Most of their money comes from Chem sales, mercenary assistance, and of course... loans.

Holly Graylle

A knight of the Brotherhood of Steel! (Cause she's a...) Stationed in the Capital Wasteland. Within the groups sent out for missions, she is the one to be leading and directing. No one is doing anything without her word and say.

Chip Revvington and Spruce Campbell

(I'm having troubles with them, slightly. Help)

A duo mercenary team who works on their own terms. If the caps pay well and if they're up to the task, they'll do it. Morality ranges really, since sometimes old habits die hard. Close as brothers and will defend each other.

Tawney C. Esta

(Saw the perk "Sandman" and got the idea...)

The sandman of the wasteland. Assassinations in the night and it's only done if the money is right. The kills done aren't aligned by good or bad only, it's just business. Asleep in the day and awake in the night.

Belle Dama

(I'll be honest, the term "long distance relationships" got me thinking sniper rifles and she is a phone... so-)

A professional in the Regulators! Working by the uses of a trusty sniper rifle. Despite how... uhhh, dangerous she may sound, she's quite the opposite. Looking after the younger ones and caring towards others. Staying firm on her morals of course.

Benjamin Biggs

A medic in the wasteland and looking for hire. Certainly good at his work and well experienced than most doctors you'll meet out here! Although he enjoys the latest talk going around when stopping in town of course.

Buck Ruffler

The luckiest gambler you'll meet and has probably been kicked out of a lot of casinos by now. He's lucky to be alive. Honestly. Also high on jet-

Graham Ness Payser

The hotshot of the Strip in New Vegas! Bragging, unbearable, and his own number one fan. Picking up quite the fame and yearns for more excitement in his life. His aim is bad but he's a fast shooter!

Flint Bonpyre

A nervous explosives and incinerary expert who is also not afraid talk his mind. (Sometimes.)

Dave Brubot

The star of the stage! Able to charm his way into your heart. With his charisma, he could easily make his way anywhere and have the ability to persuade. (I'm kinda having trouble with him, help)

Cathal

Okay I'll be honest, 100% inspired by the pictures of people's game having him show up everywhere. That's him now. No matter which bar or place you stop at, Cathal is there and knows what you did. No matter what. Like the Gman except not interfering with events. Just a joke character.

And that's it!! They will be edited and changed in the future, of course. So nothing here is permanent! Some characters I'm having trouble regarding what I want for them or on who/what they are. I accept ideas regarding them, yes yes.

Also- some of them definitely won't fw each other at all. On the lines if faction, beliefs, and morality. Or pre-established beef, lol.

[medicaldoctordana]

Can you write something with mulder’s boyish charm and Scully absolutely delighted by it?

Well it's not exactly that but it sure is something.

Scientific Integrity

Rated G

W/C: 650

“Look, Scully! I found another one!”

“Mulder, when you said a nice trip to the forest, I was skeptical. Especially considering how the last two nice trips turned out. But this, this one’s actually kind of nice.” Scully’s smile was bright, it was the one she usually reserved for quiet moments of joy. Like biting into her mother’s corned beef, or seeing the name of an old med school friend in her medical journals.

Scully looked up through the trees, astounded by their height and the peaceful sounds they made in the breeze. They had only been walking through the woods for a mere hour. The sun was shining and the heat was abnormal but satisfying for an October in Washington. This trip was much more pleasant than the last time they traipsed around the Olympic National Forest.

“Woolly bear’s stripes are said to predict the conditions of the upcoming winter. You see here?-”

Mulder brought his palm up to Scully’s face with the wiggly little caterpillar crawling from finger to thumb.

“The more black there is on their body, the harsher the winter will be. But then, you also have to take into consideration the amount of orange, and! And! Where its head is and how far the coloring extends before shifting.”

Mulder’s free hand indicated where the borders were on the particular caterpillar resting in his hand.

“You see here, Scully?”

Yes, she saw there, his childlike delight.

“Here we can see that the orange is equidistant from both sections of black, which span the same length. You'd think from this that the area will see a moderate winter. It starts moderate and will end moderate. The Isabella tiger moth will hatch come May.”

Mulder made frequent eye contact with Scully, eyes shifting back and forth from her to the caterpillar. Her gaze, however, rarely glanced downward.

With a giddy grin, Mulder somehow produced another caterpillar and placed it beside the other.

“But this caterpillar here- he barely has any orange. He’s telling us it will be a harsh winter. Starting moderate but ending harsh. See how far the black extends on both sides, Scully?”

Mulder sustained his gaze as he waited with bated breath for her answer.

“Yes, Mulder. I see.” Scully’s arms were crossed in amusement. Some days her job felt more like babysitting and less like professional investigating.

“Good that's great because here we have a third caterpillar with-”

“Mulder, how many caterpillars do you have?” Scully interrupted.

“Just seven,” he responded innocently like he’d been asked how many of his mother’s vases or lamps he broke while playing baseball inside.

“Mulder!” Scully’s eyes widened at the number. Surely he wasn't going to perform this little show and tell with all seven of the caterpillars. And where was he hiding the other four?

“What? Scully! We’re in the forest. It's prime larvae time. These little critters have to start their metamorphosis before the weather turns too cold. If I picked up each one I saw along the way I’d have 27, not just seven. Be happy, Scully. I could be crawling with ‘pillars right now but instead, I selected only the most prestigious of crawlers for scientific integrity. I thought you'd be proud.”

Scully rolled her eyes, “Mulder if you were concerned with scientific integrity, you'd know to pick seven at random to get a more accurate accumulation of data points. By hand selecting seven out of 27, you've tainted your data with personal bias.”

“Scully you wound me! How dare you accuse me of inciting bias!”

“It's not an accusation Mulder, it's fact! You have a biased sample group!”

“Well, lucky for you, there are still another three miles to our destination. Plenty of time to un-bias my sample group.”

Scully’s eyes were getting sore at the number of rolls they were engaging in. She took back her sentiment, this trip wasn't that nice.

[lys-lilac]

[RMD] Toshiki Kasumi x MC: Her Jealousy (oneshot)

I don’t know how I get such crazy ideas (of course you will get those thanks to the numerous jealousy stories of the boys) so bear with me haha~ Also, I tried writing this in diary format, so let me know if you like it!

[A/N: All the characters belong to Voltage Inc. Only the story plot is a work of mine.]

══════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹══════

MC’s Diary

~4 pm~

This was any of the other normal day in the EICU office. This would have been if not for the exchange which was occuring in front of my eyes. 

Sometimes I myself think about how much weird I am when it comes to mangas, Sekai and medical knowledge. But the current emotion I am having can be counted in the general list right?

It had been several days since the new academic year started. Which meant classes for young interns and med students has already resumed in the Seimei University Hospital. Looking at the enthusiasm and excitement about gaining new knowledge in the field of medicine all over the university fills me with a sense of nostalgia. The scene of me running with medical journals, asking various questions to the professors is still fresh in my mind.

But a new academic year means various responsibilities, especially to me since Dr. Kasumi has gotten busier taking lectures in the university along with performing surgeries and attending meetings as well. Our schedules have become so much mismatched that we can’t even clock out together. Kasumi would mostly stay at the hospital, and even at home, we can’t see each other much. The only time we are together is in the operation theatre performing surgeries. I can’t blame the situation though, but yes, it makes me feel lonelier these days.

Kasumi’s office and even the EICU sometimes becomes a center of chaos with the amount of new students barging in to submit assignments or ask questions. Even though Matsunaga set a particular time of the day for these upon Directors’ request, the crowd wouldn’t dissipate that fast. Only Dr. Takado’s scolding and Dr. Kyogoku’s evil stare does the trick. Sensing the direness of the situation, I mostly devote myself to studies in the library or assist Dr. Tsuchiya and others in surgeries. 

Now, coming back to the situation in hand, I went to the lecture hall after completing a surgery to invite Kasumi for lunch, only to see many female students gathered around him. It seemed like he was explaining a particular topic. As I decided to pry in what he was teaching, an uneasy feeling crept to my heart. Even though my craze for understanding the topic was large, the close proximity of the girls with him, his professional gaze radiating through those glasses, and the prominent blushes on those girls’ cheeks made me recede my steps.I know I was the same in my classes as well, but I didn’t know it will make me feel weird. Hoping to at least get a beef bowl from the hospital cafeteria, I returned with subtle pangs in my heart.

Oh common, WHO IN THE WORLD GETS HUNGOVER FROM SUCH A TRIVIAL MATTER?! My idiotic expressions were able to catch the attention of the docs later. I was very glad they tried to cheer me up in their own ways, whether it was Dr. Takado giving me his limited ramen, Dr. Ekuni his sweet treats, Dr. Hosho rewarding me with a latte after surgery or Dr. Kyogoku bickering a little less than usual, it still went in vain. Due to this, I even ruined my conversation with Kasumi when he asked me to grab dinner in the evening. Now that I think about it, the audacity of me to ignore his attempts to talk and even excuse myself saying I already had plans?! JUST UNFORGIVABLE. Dear Sekai, I would have needed your comfort but I think I need something else. My internal monologues with you are not helping at all T-T

I thought maybe ignoring him could let my uneasiness end, but that was not the case. It became even worse. Now thanks to me everyone thinks I have gotten into a fight with him.

~10 pm~

Let’s just admit today was not my day. I had made up my mind to be on call tonight, but got driven away by Dr. Takado UGH. I also talked with Asuka about this, and she said me to figure it out myself with a giggle on her face. Although that reassured me that it’s nothing serious, still my mind working like this is killing my productivity and distracting me. 

Let’s just admit, I think I am a LITTLE jealous of those girls. Wait. Wait wait wait. WHY DO I SOUND LIKE A CREEP NOW?! ( : ౦ ‸ ౦ : )

Does this mean I am obsessed with Kasumi or what? To that extent that I am unable to continue my daily activities? Do I... Do I crave physical touch? UGH SOMEONE SLAP ME   ლ(¯ロ¯"ლ)

Anyway, I don’t think he will be back home tonight as well? I made some curry just in case, but oh well. If he’s having dinner with his stude- GAHHH STOP!!!

I will just pull an all-nighter and study! I am pretty sure that will help me to distract my mind from having these absurd thoughts. Let’s hope Dr. Kyogoku cools down tomorrow otherwise I.... zzz.

P.S. (the next morning) ~6:00~ 

I just arrived at the hospital with Kasumi (he came home yesterday yayyyyyyy  。゜゜(´Ｏ`) ゜゜。 ) and more importantly, I am relieved he got some sleep. I am so so glad I made curry yesterday for him! Although he seems to be in a good mood today? I remember falling asleep on the couch writing yesterday’s events but today I found myself on our bed with him. Aside from sleeping like a log, I don’t remember anything else? Was I making a funny face? Drooling? Perhaps was in an Egyptian position while sleeping? He kissed my forehead at the parking lot and even though he changed into his professional outlook, I could still see his shoulders shaking as if he was laughing. Dr. Kyogoku’s worry from yesterday has turned into wrath with twice the intensity.

Haahh, seems like there’s a new mystery to solve now  ┐(︶▽︶)┌

[queer-and-dear-books]

Title: The Doctor’s Secret

Author: Heidi Cullinan

Genre: Adult Fiction | Romance | Drama | Medical | LGBTQ+

Content Warnings: (Brief) Homophobia | (Brief) Racism | Explicit Sex Scenes

Overall Rating: 10/10

Personal Opinion: This is the first adult romance novel I ever picked up and it’s been downhill from there. This is the most ridiculous but charming novel I’ve ever read and I could not put it down. Watching Hong-Wei woo Simon when the whole town was swooning over him was like watching a silly Asian BL drama and it was funny, charming, and adorable all at the same time. I truly enjoyed this book and the rest of the series.

Couple Classification: Hong-Wei Wu X Simon Lane = Prep X Nerd

Do I Own This Book? Maybe one day.

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- Hong-Wei said it best when he was watching that Asian drama, “This is so charming. Ridiculous, but charming.” It’s exactly what this book was. It actually felt like watching an Asian drama with how perfect Hong-Wei is. He’s a surgeon, he’s rich, he’s musically gifted, and he had the entire town of Copper Point swooning over him instantly. But he only has eyes on Simon Lane, who is this seemingly unremarkable nurse who works close with him. There’s no issues with their sexuality, just a stupid no dating policy that their hospital implemented. Hong-Wei faces microaggressions as an Asian but we don’t really see it. The entire book is focused solely on Hong-Wei and Simon and how badly they want the other to be happy. It’s so mushy and ridiculous but so charming and adorable! And hot too.

- Okay,  let’s start the obvious. Hong-Wei is Chinese. Specifically, Taiwanese. And he’s able to charm the pants off of anyone. He took Simon to the same restaurant Simon did on their first day together to be romantic. He got the waitress to get them free dessert there by being extra gushy about his boyfriend! He’s Asian and he’s the town heartthrob! Basically a local celebrity with the way everyone treated him. And it was so cute how he interacted with everyone in China Garden because they were so isolated from the town until a Chinese surgeon moved in. He made them feel welcome in a town where everyone only wanted to speak English and he’s just so well-liked by everybody and is it unrealistic? Yes. But I love it anyway because it’s a face like mine being popular! Hong-Wei also evidently faced a lot of bullying and shame when he was a kid so this is deserved in my opinion. And the way they all fawned over him but Simon was the only person he had eyes for was just so cute! And so intensely romantic! I want that for me.

- The sexy parts were so sexy. I was into it. When Hong-Wei said he wanted to worship his lover and fuck him until he was nothing but jelly? I felt that in my loins.

- The fact that Hong-Wei had a secret at all kept me intrigued as the reader. The big reveal that he was an intensivist was kind of epic. The way he took control of the ER to help Mr. Zhang, it’s no wonder he can stand up to Owen when the rest of the hospital fears him. But I just love how he gave his all to saving Mr. Zhang’s life and ended up becoming the true go-to medical professional in the whole town because of it. 

- Simon being so into K-pop and J-pop and Asian dramas is honestly adorable. He knows a lot about them too. I had no idea that SHINee’s lead vocal was an advocate for LGBTQ rights. Proves Simon is a true stan.

- The beef noodle stew ending! When Hong-Wei was lamenting over it over the course of the book, I didn’t expect to see it in the ending where Simon was making it based on his family’s recipe! The fact that Simon learned to make it just for Hong-Wei makes my heart soar.

Dislikes:

- I got nothing. I mean, fuck the old fogeys on the board but like Rebecca Lambert-Diaz, badass lesbian lawyer extraordinaire, dragged the fuck out of them so eloquently that I don’t even care. 

- The closest thing I can complain about is maybe the fact that I think Hong-Wei and Simon got engaged so early but again, they’re cute together and they’re in their 30s so I don’t care. They can do what they want with their lives.

- Should I complain about Simon being so afraid to start anything with Hong-Wei because of that dumb policy? Or about Hong-Wei being worried about how his dad would react to him being gay? I, again, say nope. It’s just real life. Simon saw nurses get fired all around him for breaking that stupid policy and Hong-Wei went to that church that one time that truly traumatized him. It’s really no wonder they reacted the ways they did. And why Hong-Wei was so reluctant to come out to his dad. Overall, what a good fucking book!

[anotheronechicagobog]

Functional Dysfunction - Chapter 2 - Rheese

written by @anotheronechicagobog

Warnings: talk about abortion, unplanned pregnancy, forceful admittance to hospital, swearing

Sarah was so thankful that she had a day off. She didn’t think that she could handle an interrogation. Not from Maggie or Natalie individually, much less so together. Her abortion was scheduled to take place in three days, she’d arranged to have that day off too, but for now, all Sarah wanted was to keep her mind off of everything, so she tied her curly hair into a bun, started blasting ABBA and cleaning her apartment. She’d gotten into the zone and hadn’t comprehended the time until she’d hit her shin on her coffee table for the umpteenth time while dancing around using her duster both as a cleaning tool and a mic. She plopped down onto her couch and looked at her work. She wasn’t a neat freak, but her place was usually pretty clean. Yes she’ll leave far too many books out on the coffee table, she doesn’t vacuum every week, and she refuses to buy dishes that can’t go in the dishwasher, but there’s no mold or layers of dust or strange smells, and she can always find what she needs when she needs it. But now, everything was put away, there wasn’t a stray coffee mug or spoon out on the counter, her apartment smelled like lemon Mr. Clean, and she was starving. 

She untied her hair as she made her way down the street, letting the wind blow through it, cooling her from head to toe. She cut through the park, just enjoying the fall colours and not being drowned in stress for once. She let her mind wander, from a new Harry Potter fan theory she’d read on Tumblr to what she was going to get when she got to the Mills family diner. Her musing was cut short when she smacked right into someone. Her flustered apology was halted in her throat when the person gently held her arms to stabilize her. They were familiar, she’d felt them yesterday when she stood up too fast. She looked up as he released her. “Dr. Rhodes, sorry about that. I was a little lost in my head.”

“No worries, truthfully, I was spaced out too. And seriously, you can call me Connor, at least outside of work.” And for the first time, ever probably, Sarah took a good look at him. 

Though he smiled, it didn’t reach his eyes. They were a piercing blue, but they looked so... Tired. There was a discernible aching sorrow vividly holding his soul hostage. His hair was mussed and it looked like he’d been trying to yank parts of it from his scalp. His shoulders, while strong and broad, were incredibly tense. Sarah actually started to feel pain in hers just looking at him. His skin clung closer to his body than it probably should have, and his pallor making her uneasy. He moved his hands back to his sides, and in all honesty that was probably the most concerning part of him. People often made the mistake of thinking surgeons had soft hands, but that wasn’t true. They didn’t get callouses from their jobs, but their hands were by no means soft. They had to thoroughly wash their hands, forearms, and elbows, before and after every surgery or medical procedure they performed. Plus they had to use hand sanitizer before and after they worked on or even met with a patient. It took a toll on their skin, and you could often tell how much a surgeon had been working based on the condition of their skin. And Rh-Connor’s... It was dark pink, going into his sleeves so she couldn’t see how far up the problem extended to, the skin was cracking, and it felt like scales as opposed to skin.

“Alright, Connor, what are you up to?”

“I’m just walking, I guess.”

“It’s a nice day for it. How’s Robin doing? I haven’t seen her in a while.” A dark look crossed his face and Sarah immediately kicked herself, this was obviously a very stressful, very private, matter that she had just callously asked about. Yes, she had a lot going on, but she should have realized that there was a reason. A secret. “I’m so sorry I didn’t-”

“Robin’s been admitted to psych.” Connor hadn’t told anyone, and had gone to great lengths to keep it as much of a secret as possible. She worked there, her father worked there, he worked there, none of them needed Robin’s situation to be broadcast all over the hospital. But honestly, it felt great to tell someone, to tell Sarah, someone who wasn’t directly involved. Dealing with Dr. Charles throughout, the man who’d forcibly admitted his daughter to psych in the first place, and Ms. Goodwin who supported Dr. Charles, as well as all the staff treating Robin, was exhausting. 

“What?” 

“Robin was admitted to psych... By Dr. Charles.”

“Oh my god, are you serious? Is that even legal?!”

“It’s... Yeah, it’s a whole thing... Situation. Wow, uh, TMI, I guess. Sorry to spring all of that on you. What are you up to?”

“Uh, well, still pregnant, still getting an abortion. I was just going to get lunch. At the Mills family diner? Uh, I’ve spent the whole day cleaning and avoiding Maggie, and Dr. Manning, and J- the father. You could come, if you want, to the diner I mean, not avoiding the father of- okay this has gotten...” Connor just chuckled, his eyes starting to look slightly less miserable. “I probably won’t be good company, but if you don’t mind...?”

“Not at all, come on, and I’m sure that you’ll be great company.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lunch was surprisingly pleasant. It was awkward at first, but they found a rhythm. Honestly, they just ended up spending the entire time talking about Parks and Rec and Supernatural. It was so nice to talk about anything other than work and the plights in their lives. Connor looked slightly less strung out than when Sarah had first run into him. He seemed a little lighter and his smile really seemed more like a relief to himself. When he first gave Sarah that face-splitting, teeth=showing, jubilant smile he seemed to have shocked himself, confusion plastered all over his face, before a gentle smile flittered in and his body visibly released tension. Since then, he hadn’t stopped smiling, beaming brightly at her. Sarah briefly wondered if he’d smiled at all recently, with how turbulent his life has been. The silence between them was soft and warm. Comforting. They took the time to regard each other without any pressure or professional constraints, and it was nice. Connor sat across from her munching away on his corned beef sandwich, occasionally slurping away at his chocolate milkshake. The vigour with which he’d been eating made her wonder if he was actually taking care of himself. She took another bite of her Gabby’s mac ‘n cheese and savoured... Everything. The taste, her company, the atmosphere, this moment in time was the least hectic or nerve-wracking she’d had since she noticed her cycle was off. So she was just enjoying it while it lasted.

“You okay, Sarah?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“You just seem sluggish. And we’ve been here for a while and you’ve barely made a dent in your food, plus you’re drinking peppermint tea.”

“My morning sickness hasn’t been great, if I’m honest. This is normally my favourite thing on the menu, and I don’t normally like pancakes because they’re so starchy but lately they’re all I’ve been wanting to eat! It’s so annoying. This at least has chicken and loads of vegetables. And hey, pregnancy is tiring! I’m always so sore and achy. Plus caffeine withdrawal is ripping me a new one.”

“You know, if you’re having an abortion, you don’t necessarily have to abide by all the pregnancy can’ts. They won’t really matter, anyway. So, why are you following all the guidelines?”

“I don’t know. It just feels like... They’re still here. They still matter. I’m still their mom, I still have to take care of them.” She shrugged a little and stared at the rim of her white mug, fiddling with the handle. Unable to handle the weight of Connor’s gaze and her own words.

“Maybe you should have ordered the chicken noodle soup. Their recipe is really good, plus it’ll be light on your stomach.” Her eyes snapped to his. There was nothing but sincerity looking back at her. There was a little concern, and the question she’d been avoiding suddenly became tangible and took a seat beside her, whispering ‘are you sure you want an abortion?’ delicately in her ear. But he didn’t ask her. He didn’t make any comments or judgments. He was just there, across from her, offering her kindness and food. She moved the plate away from in front of her and smiled sheepishly at him as he flagged down Peter. “Hey guys, is everything alright? Reese, you’ve hardly touched your food.”

“She’s not feeling super great, do you think we could get a bowl of chicken noodle and a container for the pasta?”

“Yeah, no problem Rhodes, everything will be right out.”

“Connor, you don’t have to do this, but I do really appreciate it.”

“Good, because I appreciate you too and everything that you’re doing for me. Don’t look so confused, you’ve been a great sounding board and distraction. And I honestly really needed that. Plus, I figured that since I’ve got dirt on you so you can’t tell anyone about the Robyn thing.” There was absolutely no malice in his words and Sarah couldn’t help but laugh. It really was a relief to have someone to talk to about her baby, and he was right, if he did suddenly just spill the beans she could do the same in retaliation. She doubted he ever would though, he was an incredibly private person and valued privacy more than Ron Swanson. “Doris would have a field day with us, wouldn’t she?”

“Oh hell, Sarah, don’t even joke about that. If she knew...” She laughed again at his overdramatic shudder. But she knew he was right. No one could know. Especially not Doris.

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It was late in the day when they finally left the diner, the air cooling down from crisp to chilly, the winds much harsher and stronger than usual. Sarah’s apartment was only a ten-minute walk away but Connor insisted on taking her home. She’d managed to talk him out of walking her to her door, but not of driving her there. “What kind of guy would I be if I let a pregnant woman walk home alone when the weather just got worse?” Something in his tone, and the way he spoke so freely about her pregnancy, made her think that he knew something she wasn’t willing to consider just yet, but she was trying not to think about it. Instead, she focused on the interior of Connor’s luxury car. “Is this silver? On the door handles?”

“No... It’s platinum.”

“Really?!”

“Yes. What, do you want to hear about all the extravagant features in this car?”

“Oh absolutely.”

“Seriously?”

“Mostly cause I know it annoys you, but yeah.”

“Well, another time then, because we are here.”

“After a two-minute car ride. I could have walked myself.”

“I grew up here, you didn’t, when the wind gets that bad it’s best to avoid the outdoors.”

“Alright, well thanks for the ride and for looking out for my safety.”

“No problem, I’ll see you at work tomorrow, right?”

“Depends. I’ll spend most of the day avoiding Maggie and Manning which will involve lots of hiding.”

“Well, maybe we could hide together? I doubt that Robyn’s admittance to the hospital will stay secret for long. Plus, today was nice. We should hang out again.”

“We should, it really was refreshing. And, uh, if you do need a place to hide tomorrow, my spot is on the second floor of the atrium in the small hallway behind the janitor’s closet on the right side. There’s a couch there and because nothing else is down there no one really uses it, and it can be pretty quiet. As long as you don’t tell anyone else, you’re free to use it.”

“Thanks, Sarah. Something tells me I’ll be needing that information.” The weight that had evaporated over the course of the afternoon seemed to return, his movements slowed, his limbs appeared heavier, his smile dropped, and his eyes went dark, reflecting pain and exhaustion. Sarah honestly just wanted to give him a hug. But she couldn’t. They didn’t know each other that well, and spending the afternoon with him was already a little strange, despite how nice it was. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Connor. You should go home, get some sleep. You seem... Tired.”

“I am. And, I think I’ll do just that. Thank you, Sarah, really. This afternoon was really what I needed. And I do want to do it again sometime.”

“Then we will. Bye Connor.”

[kimyoonmiauthor]

Bulgogi Icecream

So, for those who are not Korean and want to steal this recipe and for the people who want to take credit for it: I am not your invisible unnamed PoC friend that you happen to know and have stolen the recipe from, yet somehow managed to sell this FREE recipe to a website. If you do that, after my working on this recipe for literal months of gathering resources, reading up, etc, then I’ll be very upset at you. We are not friends, then are we? If you are white, you stole from a PoC, then double the shame, you imperialist. Stop stealing PoC recipes and claiming that you are friends and then making the recipe as white as possible. If you don’t know that, you definitely aren’t my friend and aren’t listening to my wishes, which makes you culturally appropriating. And before you say it, the origin of Ice cream is not from white Europe. I had the idea in 2019, but managed to complete the development in 2020, after a lot of failure. I’d been thinking about pioneering this recipe long before then, but lacked the finances to do so.

People stole my recipes before... so let’s see if they want to attempt it again. (Yes, Copyright does not protect recipes, but it doesn’t make you less of a donkey for doing so and then claiming it’s an invisible friend that gave you the recipe. No. It’s here. Link it and have respect for recipe development.).

But WHY?

I saw a recipe years back on kimchi ice cream, and I was super curious if it could be done with other Korean foods. I made jokes about Bulgogi Ice cream, but didn’t have the time or money to actually make it. I pioneered this recipe, because I found out there was kimchi ice cream, green tea ice cream, Philli Cheese Steak Ice Cream, garlic Ice Cream, honey ice cream, sesame seed ice cream, soy sauce ice cream, green onion ice cream, ginger ice cream, onion ice cream, but not a single soul had thought of Bulgogi Ice Cream. I checked in hangeul and in English. And well, me who has an ice cream maker and made Triple Yuzu Gooseberry Liquor Yogurt Cheese Ice Cream had to try and see if it was possible. It tastes excellent.

I’ve watched enough cooking shows and read cooking books, read up on food science enough shows to sink a ship, so I knew the basics in order to get it to work. But I did fail the first 3 times. (Which because of my finances took a month between before I could attempt again.)

Words of caution

This ice cream might take longer to congeal than “normal” ice cream. Do not mess with the salt ratios, except to cut them down.

History of Bulgogi

Bulgogi, for those that don't know is a Mongolian-imported and Korean-adapted dish. It technically isn't "true" Korean food, but one that most likely came during the Goryeo period. It is marinaded meat, mostly beef and comes with samgyeopsal, or Korean BBQ, also a Mongolian Import.

There are other types of bulgogi as well, which include pork and chicken, but the composition of those is different from the one with beef and would need a separate recipe.

Recipe Development

I tried the first time going wholesale and pouring the whole of the bulgogi in, but the soy sauce failed to let it set. There was too much salt. But one should not give up when they have a recipe in mind, so knowing some food science, I tried stab two, which was to deconstruct the bulgogi, take out the soy sauce (mostly) and reconstruct it again in the ice cream. This worked better, but it still was more of a slurry and failed to set properly. The third try, I reduced the egg yolk by one (since egg yolks influence freezing),  and added mejukaru to try to make up for the lack of soy flavor and reduced the soy sauce again.

The reason I used Spencer beef versus other types of meats is because it has a nice chew, less gristle and nice marbling. One can use something else, but there is something satisfying about chewing the ice cream. An acquaintance of mine was pretty insistent that it have a swirl, so I thought that up too.

Soy milk and rice milk ice cream base can be used instead, as necessary.

Mejukaru Meju is a block used normally to make soy sauce and is prefermented. Meju karu is the powder made from the fermented block. It can be found in most korean grocery stores. It will give a milder flavor of soy sauce without the hazard of excess salt softening the ice cream. It is optional since some people don't like the taste of soy and some people are allergic to soy.

One caution I have is to not go overboard with the soy sauce. The leftover marinade once thoroughly cooked can be used for other meats like pork, chicken, beef again, and to season tofu. The emphasis here is to make sure you cook the sauce thoroughly. I made the mistake of putting the sauce into the ice cream and it failed to set. Do not repeat my mistake, thinking it's a waste.

On Soy allergies

This is not medical advice, seek a real medical professional: Most soy sauce does not cause soy allergies since most of the soy breaks down, but if you need to sub the soy sauce, I would consider something like a mild fish sauce, which has a similar flavor profile. (same proportion). The other option is to make soyless soy sauce from scratch, but that’s unlikely.

On having Crohn's Disease: There are soy sauces without gluten in them. I make my own soy sauce and often cut out the wheat. It can be done. You can sub for 2 tsps 100% soybean powder, but the meat might not be as tender.

Bulgogi Ice Cream

Ingredients: 1/2 package of Beef, sliced spencer cut into 1/4 inch squares

Bulgogi Sauce Ingredients: 2 tbsps cup sesame seed oil 2 tbsp Soy sauce 1 head of garlic minced. 1 thumb of ginger, minced. 2 tablespoons honey 2-3 tbspoons sesame seeds

Ice cream ingredients: 3 egg yolks 1/2 cup granulated sugar 1 cup whole milk 2 cups heavy cream 2 teaspoons vanilla extract or vanilla bean paste

Ice cream Flavorants:

1 tbsp honey 1-2 clove garlic, ground 1 thumb fresh ginger peeled and ground 1 tbsp toasted and ground sesame seeds 1 tbsp toasted sesame seeds. 2 scallions, blanched (They can also be skillet fried in sesame seed oil--no soy sauce if you prefer to caramelize them) (2 tbsps mejukaru)

Optional Swirl Ingredients:

3 tbsp honey 1 clove garlic, finely minced 1/2 thumb ginger 2 tbsp toasted and ground sesame seeds 2 tbsps heavy cream

Make the Bulgogi: Combine the sauce ingredients: sesame seed oil, soy sauce, garlic, ginger, honey, sesame seeds. Stir it together. Add the cut up beef. Marinate for at least 1 hour. Cook the beef and sauce. (Sauce once cooked can be used for other things) Strain the beef. Put in freezer.

Make the Ice cream custard: - Add egg yolks and sugar to a medium saucepan and whisk until light yellow color and well-combined. In another small saucepan, heat milk until it begins to simmer. Gradually add milk to egg and sugar mixture, stirring constantly. Heat mixture until it reaches 165, but do not allow to go to a boil. As soon as it reaches the correct heat, remove and add vanilla. Combine with the ice cream ingredients and bulgogi. Refrigerate for an hour. Pour into ice cream mixture. As the mixture is combining in your ice cream maker add the heavy cream. The ice cream might take longer to set if you do not have an electrical machine with a auto freezing mechanism, so put into the freezer and check on it every few hours and stir.

If you want a swirl:

Combine the swirl ingredients, as the ice cream congeals pour last.

Notes: DO NOT add too much soy sauce, the ice cream will fail to set. Sesame seeds melt plastic in the microwave. If you want to toast them do it in 30 second bursts in a non-plastic container. And yes, microwave safe plastic will also melt.

2 Recipes for the leftover Bulgogi sauce:

Combine leftover egg whites and leftover bulgogi sauce together with a whisk. You can eat this OR

combine with meat of choice, coat with panko and deep fry.

It also can be made into more bulgogi and then the bulgogi and sauce made into japchae.

[squeeneyart]

Breathe in the Salt - Chapter 16

AO3

Beta read as always is @thesnadger!

A week sure flies by.

Martin gets some of his thoughts sorted.

Nothing happened.

The sky was unchanged in every way but for the time that had passed. They had bid Evan a good night (“Oh, right, it’s evening now? Should probably give you some idea about time when we talk.”), and Martin stood at the front entrance to stare through the small window. It was grey and downright gloomy out there. Nothing new.

“D’you think Simon and that woman just wanted to mess with me?” Martin said. “Like, say some spooky stuff to make sure I stay quiet about the whole thing?”

“It’s possible,” Jon said, exhaustion clear in his voice. “But there’s still a sky, which is good news, I suppose.”

“And not everything is sky,” Sasha added helpfully. “That seems more Simon’s speed than getting rid of it.”

Tim stretched his arms above his head. “Either way, keep an eye out for a warning text before we all become professional skydivers.”

“At least I’ll have a job lined up?” He wanted to muster up some more concern but after a day of waiting the suspense had run out. If something was going to happen, there was nothing he could do. “Well, goodnight. And don’t stay here too late! You all won’t make it another day without getting proper sleep.”

His eye landed on Jon, who huffed a little. “Yes, yes, we’ll all get a proper rest. Unlike the others I don’t do coffee. Though, let me walk you out. I’d like to get another look at the sky.”

It wasn’t the smoothest transition to accompanying Martin outside, but lack of sleep didn’t make for good excuses. Martin nodded and walked out with Jon in tow.

Once outside, Jon folded his hands together and seemed to consider something. “I think I’m a bit of a broken record at this point, but I wanted to apologize for earlier. I had become concerned about the lack of response from Elias and wanted to get it all back to him before too long.”

Martin looked at him carefully. “So… you think it’ll be enough?”

“Yes. It might even be overkill, but now that I’ve promised multiple people to help fix things, it’s better to be safe than sorry.” Jon let his hands fall to his sides. “The apology still stands, though.”

“Well, with you staying longer I’m sure I’ll find a way to even out the apologies between us. There are always papers to scatter.” Martin smiled sheepishly and adjusted the bag hanging from his shoulder. “But it would be nice if you didn’t have something to apologize for in the first place.”

“Yes, I recognize that.” Jon rubbed his arm. “I’m trying. I hope that much is clear.”

Martin sighed, the final piece of irritation drifting away. “Yeah, I know. I do accept it, the apology. But maybe try to go without needing to? For like a day?”

Straightening, Jon nodded. “I can do that. Or try, at least.”

“That’s all I ask.” All of that out of the way, Martin relaxed. “I guess I’ll be going. Big day tomorrow, right?”

“Yes, it will be.”Jon stood there as if about to say something else, stopping himself several times. Finally, in earnest, he said, “I’ll… I’ll do as much as I can, to help.”

“See you tomorrow, then.”

As Martin walked away, he glanced back and saw that Jon had remained on the front steps, turning his gaze upward with a frown. If this had been a trick, Martin thought, it had done its job quite nicely. He almost regretted bringing it up to the others. They all shouldn’t have had to worry about nothing.

No, that wouldn’t have worked. One of them would’ve picked up on it. Sasha probably, though with that kind of intuition she also should’ve known better than to keep Naomi’s warning a secret from him.

But she apologized, and had only wanted to help. And she had been right about the results. There was no arguing that. It didn’t make it less upsetting, but putting it behind him wouldn’t be difficult. They were all going to be around each other, after all. Martin wanted to enjoy that.

He passed the place where he’d fallen. There was no sign of the event of course, no crack in the street or mark of a skull hitting concrete. No one had been there to witness it, either.

The sky was getting darker still, the street filling more and more with chill and emptiness. Ahead was the wooded cliffside that split his home away from the rest of town, and Martin dearly wished he had someone to walk home with.

--

The TV was on when he returned home. He slid off his jacket and damp boots by the door and stayed there in his wool socks. There was a numbness to his knees, a soreness to his throat that he couldn’t swallow away. It was getting colder outside, and the sea air always got worse as the year crept closer to winter.

Tea would fix it, once Mum was off to bed.

A sore throat meant talking less, which is what she preferred anyway. He nodded to her once in her chair, then went into dinner preparations. Something warm, something hearty, and something simple. He grabbed the container of beef stew and a cylinder of dinner roll dough from the fridge. Simple and, even better, fast.

Before long there were steaming bowls of meat and vegetables on the table with rolls for dipping. He thanked his past self for thinking ahead as he and his mother ate in silence.

She said nothing, did nothing but her usual routine. There was no going outside with the intense chill that had settled onto the beach. Instead, she went straight to bed without a word spoken.

A tingling in his throat kept him from uttering a single goodnight. He turned out her lamp and closed her door, returning to the kitchen to wash the dishes and make himself some tea with honey. While waiting for the water to boil, he checked his phone and saw a text from earlier.

Tim: got home alright?

Martin: sorry. yeah i made it fine

He hoped his response hadn’t come too late to be worrisome, but Tim responded rather quickly.

Tim: gotcha. no tumbles?

Martin: no nothing

Tim: good. ill let the others know

Tim: so i guess tomorrow is gonna be interesting. its a bit weird to get a project really started on a friday but i was thinking we could all get food afterwards tomorrow, maybe get some drinks

Tim: usually jon skips out on that sort of thing but on trips its easier to get him since he hates making food choices in new places

Tim: you in?

Martin’s thumbs twitched over the phone keyboard. When was the last time he bothered sitting in a restaurant instead of getting takeout? Or went to a bar?

He would have to get his mother settled in with dinner and everything. Her usual bedtime was early, but they were late workers so maybe it would be fine? Would it be fine? Would he be fine?

Shit, he needed to respond.

Martin: sure that would be nice. what time?

Tim: probably later evening, since we’ll be settling work stuff. thinkin 8 or 9 if that works

Martin: yeah that’s perfect actually

Tim: great, see you bright and early! 👍

Martin: have a good night!

Slumping against the counter, Martin looked over the short conversation a few times (perhaps more than a few) and then pocketed his phone.

This was fine. It was getting some food with some people. He would be fine.

The kettle whistled and he nearly jumped out of his skin. Tea, he was making tea for himself. So he did, adding honey and milk to his liking. It was too sweet for his mother or anyone else he knew, but this was for him.

He took the steaming mug in both hands and looked out the window. The sky was still there, as were the beach and crashing waves though he could barely see them. His house still stood around him with the lights on and heat running.

Savings were something he’d finally managed to have in the recent months after years of low-wage customer service positions. He and his mother could survive without income for a little while. Getting through the whole of winter would be a stretch, but his spending habits were fairly restrained and his mother’s medication would still be covered. In the meantime there were other avenues for making money, so this job wasn’t the end-all-be-all.

God, it had been nice though. Martin would hold onto the pay for as long as he could during the whole saving-Evan process, but after that he would have a lot to figure out.

Draining the rest of his mug, he rinsed it out and set it into the sink. The tea had done its job in soothing his throat. The extra warmth in his hands was a blessing as well. He wondered if Jon would be keeping warm at all, though he suspected the truth would be disappointing.

No matter. If the others were working there a while longer Jon would have to adjust to the weather eventually, or else deal with Martin pushing hot mugs of tea into his hands until he learned. Maybe he’d toss in a scarf to complete the set.

With one last glance out the kitchen window, he walked out into the hall and up the stairs, turning off each light as he went. Once in his room, Martin slipped into his pyjamas and reached into the drawer of his bedside table. His poetry notebook had gone ignored for several days, and that needed rectifying.

Where would he even start? The last page he’d written seemed like it was from years before, not a week. Now he had a whole swirl of worries about the future he hadn’t had to deal with since he was in school. Worries and fears and-

And a silly, one-sided thing that while completely hopeless was a nice thing to feel all the same. So just like school, except he had people to meet on a Friday night.

Looking out his window a final time, Martin sat in his bed, bent over his notebook, and began to write. It was clunky at first, the words getting stuck somewhere in his pen or his throat. Part of his mind kept drifting to his mobile on the bedside table, wondering if Tim was still available to talk a bit more about the day ahead. Tiny things to fill a text log, like food options or how Martin would meet up with them. For a moment he even considered asking Tim for Jon and Sasha’s numbers, in case of emergencies.

Better to have that conversation in person, he thought, pulling his attention back to the page. Soon after he was writing short couplets at a quick pace, scraps of rhyme and feeling, until he checked his phone and found an hour had passed. Sleep, he thought. He needed sleep.

It was almost disappointing to have the writing go by so quickly, but there was no helping it. The poetry notebook was placed neatly into its drawer, his glasses were set onto the table, and Martin, wrapped in a thick blanket, stared out into the night until his eyes were too heavy to hold open.

--

It wasn’t his alarm that woke him the next morning but his ringtone. When he checked the screen, he found notifications for several missed calls from Tim and hurried to answer.

“Tim? What’s-”

--

One by one, files and folders were packed into car trunks.

He’d wasted no time in getting there, booking it all the way across town, but when he arrived Martin could say nothing at all. Standing near the stairs, he could only watch as the three researchers marched out of the lighthouse with their work things.

Sasha kept the most calm of the three, nodding at Martin as she walked past him. Her fingers tapped furiously on the side of a box, nails making dents in the cardboard.

Something between misery and confusion pulled at Tim’s mouth. More than once Martin worried he would keel over with nausea, but he stayed upright as if out of spite. He met Martin’s eyes a couple of times with a friendly smile, but it never stuck for long.

Jon was stone faced, though his jaw kept clenching and unclenching. He had only looked at Martin once, keeping that neutral expression to the best of his ability but unable to mask his frustration. Whatever he wanted to say, it wouldn’t be said there.

Behind Martin, Peter Lukas stood with his hand gripping the railing, equal measures tired and irritated and making no attempt to hide how much he didn’t want to be there. No, none of them would be saying anything except their goodbyes.

“Thanks for having us,” Tim said, shaking Martin’s hand. “I’m sure you’ll be happy to have a quiet workplace again.”

“Right. Have a safe trip.” It was the easiest thing for Martin to say, his mind not yet caught up.

Tim backed away to join the others who simply waved or nodded their goodbyes. Something in Martin’s chest twisted

“Yes, I’m sure you’ve seen now that it’s a poor environment for multiple employees. The acoustics make it unbearable.” Peter smiled something empty. “Tell Elias I will be unavailable for communication for the next few weeks, at the least.”

Jon opened the door to his rental car and said, voice dripping with acid, “I’m sure we’ll speak with him very soon.”

“Perfect. Well, you’d best be going. Wouldn’t want to keep your workplace understaffed any longer.” With that, Peter glanced at Martin and jerked his chin to the front entrance before walking inside.

As Peter disappeared from sight, Sasha’s calm face twisted into furious determination. She nodded at Martin again, then stepped into the driver’s side of the rental and closed the door behind her. Tim sighed, holding up his phone and mouthing “later” before entering the passenger’s side.

Jon gave Martin a familiar look before slipping into his own car. Both vehicles left the lot, vanishing into the fog.

--

“What did I tell you? Academics,” Peter said, picking some lint off his sleeve. “Now, before I go, there are just a few things.”

It took all of Martin’s will not to drag his feet on the way to his desk. The folded table was gone, but dirty footprints littered his newly-mopped floor from where it had been. He focused on the different shoe sizes and shapes in the mud and slush.

"They certainly made a mess of the place, didn't they? You'll have to redo this floor, of course. The upstairs can wait until next week. Just keep to the usual schedule there."

His desk was still littered with papers he’d pushed aside before his nap the day before.

"You've fallen behind on paperwork as well. Understandable with all the blustering from those three, I really can’t imagine. Ah, well, it's nothing a few extra hours on the weekend won't take care of."

Martin dropped in the chair he’d sat in for months, overlooked by that crest and its ridiculous seal, eyes dead and glassy.

"Oh, and I’ve made some changes to your workload. It's all written down here.” Peter placed a piece of paper on the desk. “Pretty straightforward. I don't imagine that any of it will be a problem for you."

With a dull nod, Martin dragged the page toward himself without looking at it. An updated part of his work contract. More things for him to accomplish that weekend most likely, as if it was all a punishment.

Peter breathed in sharply through his nose and clapped his hands together, looking much more refreshed. “I did miss the sound of this place. I have other business, of course, so I’ll leave you to it, hm?”

Not waiting for a response, Peter strode away and out of the building with a decisive click of the door. Martin was left to himself in that wide, empty space, spending five, ten, fifteen minutes just staring at nothing.

Stupid. If their boss had meant for them to stay longer, they wouldn’t have gone through more extensive measures the day before. They should’ve known better than to make plans that were never going to happen.

Or he had just been so clearly desperate for help that they played it cool until it was time to get out.

No, that wasn’t fair (though he wasn’t ruling it out entirely). Tim’s invitation the night before would’ve just been cruel if that were the case, and Tim didn’t seem like the type to pull something so mean. And none of them seemed happy about Elias’ decision, especially with all of the work they’d put in. Sasha certainly wasn’t close to dropping anything.

And Jon had made a promise, even if he had a hard time keeping them.

Eventually, Martin looked down at the page in front of him.

--

Up and around he ran, panic and dizziness squeezing at his skull and threatening to pull him backward off his feet.

Stumbling into the upmost level of the lighthouse, Martin whispered through haggard breaths, “No, no, no, no-”

He hurried across the room, placing a hand on the dial and giving it a twist. “Evan? Evan, can you hear me?”

He waited for familiar voices with no success. Again, “Evan? It’s me, Martin. Peter left already, so just say something.”

A perfectly ordinary silence washed over him. He sank to the floor, his hand still brushing against the dial as if it made a difference. From his other hand fell a brand new set of panel instructions. An extra note was left at the bottom, something about the importance of proper lighthouse management to landbound ships.

Through the windows morning continued to break over the ocean, familiar cliffs just visible through the fog down below.

[bettertheworld]

To change, you have to change.

The most important crash-course our planet is on is with itself, it doesn't matter that in billions of years our solar system is going to collide with a nearby galaxy, our planet is on a crash-course with human habits and they're already ruining the world bite-by-bite, meal-by-meal.  

Yes, there are other factors threatening our existence causing climate change, but none of those factors have as much impact as what we ingest as 'foods' and 'drinks'. None of those other factors can be compromised because people need to travel to and from work, move about the world, people need to get goods from one part of the world to another etc...  

What people don't need is to support the burning and deforestation of the Amazon Rainforest and other grasslands to allow cattle to graze, we don't need meat to exist as a thing that keeps us fed - that idea is 100s of years old and if you haven't heard, Justus Von Liebig was wrong – very wrong.  For an idea that old to be so strongly affecting us today, means we're living in the past - we don't need animals to get ample protein in our lives.  Ignoring the problems the present is creating is a true and horrible crime of today, but you should also realize that someone is pulling the strings behind the scenes and initially, it's not our fault. If this scenario were a person in their life, a medical doctor would send that person to a psychotherapist, and you know that doctor would have already started them on an SSRI among other drugs that they would be getting kick-backs on.

Later on I'll describe to you what the Disease Model is, and how Doctors operate within those boundaries to keep us sick, but alive.

The Covid-19 pandemic is the canary in the coal-mine telling us that if we don't change our ways, minds, and belief systems, it's going to be too late to save life as we know it; look at Covid-19, it’s already doing that.  Misguidedly, I tried so many times to inform and help people accept the facts, but at that time, I didn’t know that, new facts are polarizing, they don’t just change belief-systems. I burnt so many bridges wasting effort on people who weren't ready to accept new information, who didn't want to change, and who at best wanted to make me look like a blabbing fool.  What does it take to make someone talking pure gold look like their talking garbage? The answer is a loyal following.  Take away the loyalists, and you take away Those-Who-Resist's ground to stand on. Inform the following, and instead of working against them, like Othello, you're now working with them.  Seems easy, but it's an absolute nightmare sometimes to be on this mission – while trying to do life.

The bottom line is this, If we don't change our eating habits, we're going to be looking back on 2020 and we're going to regretfully say, 'we should have listened, we should have read the true science and informed ourselves and understood that vegan activists are sharing information so that we can minimize our impact which elongates the future for generations to come, not to take away anyone's rights or freedoms today'.  You might not see all of those right away, but I need to make the point about 2020 and it's a bit cheesy, here it is in a series of extremely short sentences. 2020. Vision. Hindsight. (You see what I’m doing here?) Covid-19.  Human deaths. Animal flu Spillover. Cause of covid. These points are all strongly connected and the answer to the problem is, leave the animals alone.  We can easily be getting all nutrients from plants, thereby eliminating the ability for animal flu spillover, stopping future pandemics and living successfully and healthfully. Wow, seems simple. If you need proof about how vegans can kill it physically, check out Nimai Delgado on Instagram.  Here's a hint - do not worry about adequate protein intake – I would worry a whole lot more if I still ate meat.

Did you know that a chickpea has every amino acid that your body needs and none of the cholesterol that lays down fatty streaks in your arteries?  Dietary cholesterol only comes from eating animal products.  Did you know that of the 20 amino acids, only 9 are essential?  Did you know that plants make amino acids? Did you know plants make ALL amino acids? Did you know you can live healthfully with just eating plants? If you doubt, check out nutritiondata.com; it will set you free.

I had the hindsight to realize that we are the problem, what I was eating was harming me, and that change happened without me forfeiting anything and that what I needed to thrive and live my best, most fulfilling and healthiest life was growing in the ground and putting carbon back into the ground thereby removing carbon dioxide from the air? What was being bled out, hung upside down, chopped into pieces, packaged, and then referred to as Halal Beef or 'extra-lean ground chuck' was killing me from within.  It is my hunch that in the future, Halal will be condemned as an inhumane and non-sustainable practice.  If you doubt my words, consider watching Earthlings, and I mean ALL of Earthlings – It's free on Youtube.

Covid-19 was caused by humans' interactions with animals.  You can try to re-word, re-frame, re-everything the previous sentence, but you can't, we caused it by conquering the world and being negligent with our logistics and lack of science.  It doesn't matter if you can conjure up conspiracy theories or already understand that it's our closeness with animals that has caused the pandemic. I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty details because that's already been done.  I'm here to send a wake-up call to anyone who will listen, anyone who will change, anyone who cares about their children, nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, parents, or anyone who will live beyond your years, basically anyone beyond yourself.  Yes these are strong words, but these are grim times.

Are you going to be in the group who changed given the information that is out there, or will you be in the stubborn group who thinks they can interpret the science better than the professionals can? Are you going to continue to believe that every falsely "debunked" meat-free solution as a result of fake news is remotely inclusive or correct? Are you going to choose greed and personal choice over minimizing your impact on the future?  Are you going to let fake news scare you into eating meat?  The only reason why you have a choice today is because of capitalism, but is capitalism helping or killing you? Take capitalism away, and you would be left with no choice, you would be doing what is best for the planet because that’s also best for you and, if you don’t know, climate change is already here!  

Again, I'm not here to take away your personal choice, I'm here to instill a sense of agency within you, to give you the power to take control of your life, to be in the driver's seat with regard to your own health, and to reframe the choices that you have so that you can choose better for whatever the rest of your years look like or whatever may come to be on this planet because of you.  Do you want to be part of the solution, or would you rather defend your right to live unsustainably because you have money?

Take the rich for example, whatever you want, you get because they have the money for it. Well, consider the fact that heart disease has not been linked to a lower socioeconomic status, instead it affects everyone roughly equally if you're all eating an equal amount of animal protein and animal fats, you're all getting just about the same amount of sick (ignoring specific nutrient deficiencies).  Whether you're eating the rarest of blood-dripping steaks with the fanciest 1000-thread count napkins on your laps, or you're going through a McDonald's drive-thru dropping lettuce all over your car because all your bank account will let you do is get a Bacon-Double-Cheeseburger and the person who made it can’t get all the lettuce between the patties, either way that animal fat is being pushed into your arteries by your blood pressure and the animal protein is wreaking havoc in your body promoting your genes to signal cancer growth within your body. It doesn't matter if you're eating only white meat vs red, animal protein does not promote optimal health for a human being.  

Eating meat was the exception and necessary at one point in time within evolution, but it was never meant to be a long-term solution, how do I know this? Our bodies tell us that. Our teeth are flat for grinding roughage, our teeth cannot shred muscle very well.  We have elongated GI systems designed to absorb complex carbohydrates, our stomach acid is not as strong as true carnivores.  We require vitamin C in our diet which relates to us having trichromatic vision, vs Lions that only see black, white and grey. Vitamin C is found in plants, not meat.  Yes we have the ability to digest meat, but it wreaks havoc on our bodies, and it takes a long time to see the result of that action develop into symptoms of various cardiovascular diseases, and cancers.

With regard to deciding to finally kill Betsy the cow because you’re starving and need to eat something? Can you imagine being that person who had to hack up the first cow when it went against their way of life at the time? How traumatic it would be! Maybe you can imagine doing it yourself right now, and or it's time to think, "If I can't do it, how am I going to pay someone else to do it?  Ask yourself that 3 times.

Necessity has a way of changing us because we’ll do anything to survive. Whether you accept it or not, we're already at that point of necessity with regard to climate and I’m glad someone has done something about it.  Look at Greta Thunberg, if you haven't seen her documentary, I highly recommend it, it's called 'Greta'. A child who has been handed an unfair start at life, facing a climate crisis and being left to think, 'what's the point of me doing anything other than this?' The answer to her question is 'quite honestly, barely any". Her campaign of 'Skolstrejk for Klimatet', translated it means "school-strike for climate" has gained momentum and woken people up, but was that her resonsibility in the first place? We all know the answer to that, and that proves that our ignorance is making the future more and more unfair for each child born, and if that’s your child, and if you eat meat, you truly do not what to offer the best planet to your children.

I have to address this quickly because so many people refer to it.  If 'God' created the world, the bible via prophets and animals to eat, then god also created Science and Philosophy and Logic, which has now proven many facts about diet and disease, so how are we going to defend eating meat with words of the bible and ignore the Science, Philosophy and Logic that was also bred of God? You tell me what you come up with.

You tell yourself that it's just one meal, it's just a couple meals a day, or it's every meal and it's your choice and you can do whatever you want to your body.  That is true because capitalism allows that, but if you want to grow and become better than you already are, you should really ask yourself a question that about 98% of people ignore - "Am I doing this whole food thing right?" And therefore, "Am I giving myself too many allowances? Do I have a realistic or horribly unrealistic view of my own life and my existence?"  Yes, it goes deep, but is it too difficult to critically look at yourself? Think beyond yourself.

For those educated regarding Critical Theory and higher degrees of thought in school, you may ask yourself a lot more questions than that, but before you begin to answer them with regards to food, do not even think about answering them with regard to your experience if you have only tried eating one way, you need to go with science on this one and use yourself as an experiment - make changes, and gauge how you feel – cut the meat and dairy, align your thoughts and feelings with what is on your plate.  

It was only a year ago Canada made their first food guide without Research from the companies providing the animal products.  Is it just me or does it seem crazy to have ever used research from Beef producers about beef?  Regarding the changes which nearly left meat out completely, I have my own conspiracy theories as to why meat was left in, but take a hint people, it was all but removed. Wake up and smell the chickpeas, ditch the animal products.

What do you think your children, grand-children, great-grand-children, etc.. will think of you? No you will not meet all that come to be because of you but they'll know if you were the first go ditch meat, and take control of your health. You have the power to choose, you have the agency to act autonomously and to think for yourself.  What legend do you want to leave behind? What are they going to say about you if you refuse to change?  

My mother has smoked my entire life, always telling me that she'll quit, it's hard I know, but after 35 years, I've given up trying to change people, instead I refuse to keep secret for her, her habits that are shortening her life day in and day out. Telling her that if she dies of anything related to her smoking or eating habits, that I will use her as an example to teach my nieces about cause and effect.  Call me brutally honest, call me anything you want, but before all, call me a realist.

Did you know that even in abusive relationships, the abused will at times defend the abuser? Did you know that happens a lot more than you realize? Maybe now you can realize that you're being abused by the meat-producers and now you're defending them by defending your 'right' to eat meat?

I think we are ready to remove the veil, but to do so you'll have to do the research yourself and not just take my word for it. Everything I spout nowadays, is the opposite of what I knew myself to be in 2014. The fact that I have been through university with a degree in Human kinetics, spending time with nutrition and other Biomedical sciences - nothing woke me up better than meeting a Vegan who cared enough to hold my hand and walk me through what big businesses never wanted me to find out. That what we eat is killing us, the planet, and the future.  Now, science has shown us that with a vegan diet, rich of fruits, vegetables, grains, legumes, nuts and seeds, we can reverse the number top killers (heart disease and many cancers) of people caused by ingesting animal products or at least optimize your chance at fighting off or living with a disease. Eating animal products is never part of the solution, it’s the problem.

Take control of your life and inform yourself because only you can live your life.

[benchgenderstudies]

Busting Dr Cynthia Buliks Injurious Revisionism of Anorexia and Eating Disorders.

By Michael Bench, MEP, WGSGC

1.Can you tell who has eating disorders?

Cynthia says “no”.

Actual Answer: Yes.

Starvation effects are observable and anorexia is cosmetic starvation. Those females with an early eating disorder (EDNOS) or using Anorexic behaviors should be addressed and reported to school staff or counseling for their safety; Crash Dieting is disordered eating even if not a diagnosis and is part of a larger social problem of aversions to patient and honest physical conditioning. Crash diets are the tools of lushes. The very lushes that publish female targeted media promoting cleanses and ‘quick fix tips’.  Medical and health advice, if from a document, should only come from academic journals. 

2.Are mothers to blame:

Cynthia says no.

Actual Answer: Often

Mothers who have seasonal weight control efforts and use crash diets to cheat their way to a 'beach body” are modeling disordered eating. Crash diets are disordered eating. Mothers involved with pageants have also been known to use other methods like infecting their daughters with tapeworms to reach a desired thinness.

3.Are families to blame?

Cynthia says no.

Actual Answer:Yes.Situationally.

Involvement with sport, social or classist activities that prioritize gender roles before sport itself is a complicity to eating disorders and body dysmorphia. A parent who willingly lets an industry or coach alter her child’s course of physical maturity is actively neglecting their child no matter what the presumed benefits.  Families also normalize some seasonal classism, poor nutritional behavior, and poor communication that can be seen in children using anorexic trope behavior and insincere-suicidal attention getting. Mothers who believe their daughters should be paying attention to female targeted fashion media and other retail or pop culture are poorly guarding their children.

4.Is society to Blame? (Far too general. Go home Cynthia.)

Actual Answers: Media is to blame partly in that it protects its advertisers exploitation and revisionism of need/want psychology. Media also forwards health talking points for the unhealthy. The term “weight control” for example is an index case of tolerating a slothful deviant-leisure society who cheat their way to “good looks” simply for summer exhibition. Then they return indoors for winter with their indoor sloth and lazy nutritional rituals.

Coaching & Fashion: Females are not males. Training them as males or believing diet is a form of genetic engineering is magical thinking that can injure the athletes. Instead, minimum ages in sport should be raised so children in gymnastics ,for example, are not used as carnival acts. Lacking a period, a females maturity/fill out has not been “stalled”. She is amenorrheic whether with or without a visible menarche; an event itself that’s been postponed. Females cannot sustain low BMI male thinness to appear his heterosexual-binary-other. In fashion , the binary roles are actually the same , only at smaller emaciated sizes and not androgynous as reported. Fashionistas who take their model's health for granted as an act of 'luxury artification” are long guilty of endangering her health/assault , among other violations like complicit child trafficking  (Set aside whether the female volunteers the risk, the runway’s terms are decided by the foolish and nihilist cosmosexuals having very little competence about human physiology. Respecting ‘who we are” ,eh?) Females normalizing anorexic/disordered eating as a justification of their (model) career or fame are themselves a microphone for social blame. 

5.Are Anorexia and Eating disorders a White race problem/Female problem.

Actual Answer: Yes.

The democratization of Western and American market views of ideal beauty and ideal sexuality has not changed the core source of toxic constructions of binary gender. The manipulation of the female body to conform to eras if disinformation and beauty trends, ie Gibson girl and the Heroin Chic waif, show that 'disordered eating' and its long term effects are practiced as luxury fads. Actual mental disorders escalated to Anorexia Nervosa or Bulimia Nervosa stem from European and South Asian religio-social pacts of personal virtue(Breatherism/Inedia). Ever since the first London and American reports of Inedia or fad fasting the practicioners lied about how little they ate. Anorexia, breatherism and inedia have always been appropriate religious rituals used by desperate zealots for attention.. The vulnerability to this sort of radicalization around fasting links to psychological vulnerability and distortions of their self  (a specific form narcissistic personality disorder)

6. Consider the remainder of her list debunked.>>(will add the rest later)

>>Anorexia is NOT A CASH COW.

If researchers want to do genomics research, have at.   Anorexia itself has provably been found occurring as fads. If the 'formal' uppity journal community don’t have the courage to admit mental illness can be market caused and that the external sphere of society can be toxic..  it is their own failure to confront it and demand regulation. Gibson Girl, Heroin Chic, and proana ‘lifestyle’, are fads whose females are too often seen as ‘victims’ of a male privilege error rather instead their own stubborn choices and long term effects there of : I reject the notion Anorexia should be tolerated as a go-to for researchers that simply need grant money and repudiate those that attempted to distract its identity. The democratization of Anorexia as ‘everyone’s disease’ leads me to be highly suspicious of Buliks motivations as a professional  and what diet/pharm companies are handing her NCEEDUS checks. 

“ Aye , I hear you was gonna go on a crash diet. You dont wanna be one of those wanna bes..  A real crash diet , ya cut your own brake cables , go for a drive on elevated roads and see how many cliffs you can climb back up from.”

What is Anorexia Nervosa:

Behaviors of Disordered Eating are not themselves the source of the problem. All persons using crash diet and anorexic symptom behaviors however should be considered ‘eating disordered”.  Anorexic behaviors are actions of solving a problem the subject appears to suffer even if originally having a healthy proportioned body.  Current research suggests that between 3-10 exposures to any message makes an audience more willing to oblige and 'know' its message. This also means a female convinced that eternal youth is where she must rest her physical body to be beautiful is not technically a mental disorder yet. In the struggle to keep her body looking prepubescent the damages of malnutrition and gray matter deterioration lead to distortions of thought. These distortions then create  new symptoms, unoriginal symptoms that are signs of a narcissistic depression and helplessness.

Starting at that point for internal pathology....

If Anorexia is a mental illness aside from market learning then it must be recognized a problem of extreme dissatisfaction with the self that has escalated.  Anorexia Nervosa , or the most extreme form of cosmetic starvation is then to be recognized : A narcissistic depression formed from the conflict or inability to adapt to adolescent body changes. Social messages denouncing the mature female body and independence may solidify these formerly inert cautions. Further, body changes of the teen are used by marketers to embarrass and humiliate the teen for imperfections; a classic 'witch hunt' scenario of threatening the girl with being burnt at the stake for not being a sexual object. The anorexic is faced with that environment daily; an environment where she has no choice to identify as an adolescent among peers and media , whether she’s ready to adapt or not. There is a clear ‘at adolescence trigger” that points to an adaptation difficulty in a soup of marketing that denounces the aged female as roast beef, spent, junk in the trunk and other negativity. The Youngest females.. healthy or by pathology would have a difficult time concluding what is good about being female when the unhealthy deposition of fat at the waist and hips is normal for her maturity.  That is mainly due to problems in the fitness community media leaving no appreciation for fitness itself. Magazine imagery is purely body sculpted or body building.. actual athletic conditioning with the time allotment it requires. 

 I am also referring to Anorexia as a form of Gender Dysphoia who's conflicted social and internal views of teen maturity can lead to traumatized states.  This should not leave room for stable anorexics or unstable females to characterize the adoption of their injurious methods for 'an in-crowd” elitism.

Anorexia Nervosa and its less severe 'eating disorders..  should actually be called #BodyDysmorphicSIBDieting ( Self Injurious Behavior-Dieting)..It includes caloric restriction, multiple stimulant abuse, dissociative abuse and abuse of prescribed medicines,  poor choices in recovery foods which adds to their narcissistic shaming. Pro Ana websites and groups must be understood part of the symptom of a sociopathic “narcissism supply”. Because Anorexia is so well known, applying its known traits can mimic actual anorexics but these body dissatisfied people are factitious disorder candidates. (they are still disordered and mentally unwell. Thereby groups calling themselves pro Ana that taunt new members as ‘wannabes’ are not doing their job as a support group; Support groups and other health resources pages welcome members  and hope to spread positiivity. Instead pro ana sites often feature a core group functioning as an exclusive cliq who give merit to the identity of ANOREXICS as it surrounds her; the actual board member is of no consequence. The Pro Ana board is an active process of denial/bargaining by making their narcissist affliction sound positive and trendy.

In no way should statements of recovery or links on these proana sites be presumed to be safe.  Anorexia Nervosa is technically an umbrella term for three or more groups necessitating 'shortcutting dieting techniques” to achieve a desireable body. One is truly a mental illness of its own, another is a sociopathic illness that has adopted anorexic traits for its factitious parading.. but is also as serious. Also be mindful that persons starting pro anorexic boards might also be sadists and psychopaths who find artificial arousal in providing a place for harm.  All persons utilizing starvation and self abuse for an undisciplined 'thinspired body” are all heading to the same fatal end; including fashion models. Anorexia in name, in diagnosis, or in method IS STILL ANOREXIA. A refusal of recovery and presumption that anorexia is a lifestyle in name , point to a group still in denial that their practices are injurious. Denial of self failure/deception is one narcissist flaw even if the personality disorder symptoms dont apply to the factitious supplicants 

Third is a general category of body dissatisfied females who use encourage each other with SIB Diet techniques rather than actually go to a gym and perform both cardio AND resistance-exercise-for-STRENGTH.. which will infact lead to hypertrophy and better metabolism. This third group is often heckled by the others as fakers and wannarexics. In fact it is the other two groups proving the sociopathic tendencies of their guilt being made manifest on others. Since they cannot empathize, they neither should be empathized. Those yelling 'wannarexics” can be considered social trash and treated accordingly. A combined trait among all 'anorexics' is they mistake strength as an inside characteristic to excuse responsible self conditioning. .. or to justify their fears lifiting weights .. as a behavior is too masculinity  defining.  Her ego exploits her physical body and the body at times will take back such time to demand fueling.  It is then rightful the ego feels shame but not for eating .. rather for the fasting that causes binging in excess of regular fueling of activity.  This singular matter has a strong motivation to be fatally thin and is their excuse to avoid most legitimate forms of  balanced physical conditioning. The thinness is of no consequence. Those who intend to crash diet their way to a perfect body will eventually succumb to the cheapness of their diets. There is no diet that achieve what physical benefits come from physical conditioning. Research addressing diet as more important than exercise in weight control addresses a foolish society terrible at both.   MB.

[literally-magnus-bane]

dumb shit I’ve said in quarantine pt 3

here you go @alexander-gideon-lightwood-bane

- Congress is straight

- you flirt with more girls then I do, to be fair so does a lamp post

- I’m 100% a lesbian but my taste in men is snarky himbos

- I’m pretty abnormal, but in the fun flirty sexy way

- It’s the different types of unhealthy, the fun kind of unhealthy

- isn’t drinking games the type of thing you’d want to lose?

- fall brings me great joy and great hatred

- I forget why you don’t deserve them but you don’t

- Food just like life is for the weak

- I will ship literally anything for halfway decent fanfiction

- *mom* rise with lazarus (I still don’t know what she meant) 

- Have you tried drinking water? medical professionals recommended it to me

- so should I stop calling him “resurrection trial run”?

- I hate this family, and christianity

- I was not ready for the foot fetish party of the bible

-How am I supposed to love out my himbo dreams if I can think

- head empty no thought fuck English

- I hate it here, and yes I’m still gunna read the fic shut up

- Fuck whoever got sweet Caroline stuck in my head

- Life is a fucking nightmare.... Where are my pants?

- That’s close enough, well its far closer than I spelled Bertucci’s

- I’m sorry you wanna give me this much trama and expect me to be able to make a decision?

- costar is uneddidarslly a bitch

- I would take five gesse over one swan any day

- bold of you to assume I’m capable of caring for people

- I mean if having a dick shoved up your vageen makes you happy, get a dildo

- Unless its a magic dick that stops period cramps.... Fuck that’s pregnancy

- Good morning.....  I hate myself

- It’s ok you can hate me, I hate me too

- You know its good when your nose starts running

- Anything is edible if you try hard enough

- I’m a hazard to society, but mainly just myself

- What is wrong with my lesbian brain

- I’ma cry about this, you know at least I have asparations

- Who invented the spork? cus we have beef

- My talent for injuring myself is unmatched

- Why the fuck did I put a TH in talent?

- Aftershock panic attacks

- DON’T EAT THE SELINITE

- full offense to florida

- It’s bitches, I’m not a lady

- It was a chilly boi

- BYE BITCH- heh I’m the bitch

- Fuck the men, well no they don’t deserve that

- Get that good rain juice

- *screaming in my backyard* silence is a vertue

- I’M NOT A FLOWER I JUST DROPPED POLLEN ON MYSELF

- Its fine, I mean Its not fine, BUT ITS FINE

- Yummy yummy blood

- If you eat my selenite I will be mad at you, but also don’t eat selenite, its a rock

- I can fuck the internet if I want to

- I have vanquished the demon, and by demon I mean I have removed my makeup, but it has beek killd, it is vanquished

- My new phone won’t let me talk about my trama and that’s homophobic

- oh come on don’t fuck your best friends mom

- I’ma just yeet my way to next tusday

- Like tempiture wise it want very sexy

- why are you flexing your jaw so hard

- I’M NOT HAVING SEX WITH THE BIBLE

- Water is delish if your dehydrated

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

ellie livewatches the night manager ep. 2

forgot to mention, but this intro is bussin’

drugs? (with a rolled r)

ah shit, we’ve got a bad relationship with a parent

DAMN-

well thats just a bit rude

girlie you need therapy

omg the little boy from wonder...JACK WILL, thats who he played

god she’s tall

ooh, i’ve never made paella before, nor tried it

my brother got to drive a boat once lol. that was the first time i ever saw dolphins

ah yes, rich people shit

thats a nice lil table

you see, i’ve tried veal, (deer) in sausage form and it A. tasted weird and B. was dryas fuck. i’ll have it again, but maybe like with rice, mixed in, like i sometimes do with ground beef. it was very lean lol.

DONT GIVE THE CHILD ALCOHOL-

i mean.....he’s gulping that shit my lord

remember kids, always make sure you’ve got some water on hand, as well as food in your stomach before drinking xx (or so i’ve heard)

hehe, STOP

ooh, i do adore mr. groff’s laugh though

awwwwwww. this is a very cute moment.

w-was she a little kiddie?

like, not 5 years old, but like a MINOR, um..hmm

oh shit

BACK OFF, BITCH YOU HAVE A CHILD IN YOUR ARM WITH A GUN CLOSE TO HIS HEAD, FUCK OFF

RUN GODDAM IT, RUN AFTER THEM

i’ll be damned if i dont run after MY kid, or someone in my family if they’ve been kidnapped.

also, this may not be EVERY KID.

but i’d be looking for weapons left and right to hurt this person, straight up. any type of exits, im looking for them. all of that.

poor baby

oh, we’re going back this time.

some backstory ehhehehehe

ah, attached memories i see

this is worrying, just a bit. my god.

JUST LIKE THAT.

i feel like he could’ve done that a bit better.

cameras???

yo why tf didn’t he day “who is it?” before opening the damn door.

i want a tea n’ biscuit too goddamn

um.........i dont know if i could do this, personally. i really couldnt. maybe im too sensitive for it lol.

jesus christ, another murder

ugh yes, he can ride motorcycles. hells yeah

THE SHADES

well thats a bit of a rude shock

thats even worse goddamn

IM SCARED

HE WAS SO SMOOTH WITH IT

GOTDAMN-

ewwww more roper

look at him go

in case yall didnt know, im VERY anti-capitalist, anti-capitalism, all that shit

this dude is just grossing me out

i miss being on my bike lol

yayyy he can cook

RIP to her at that point

i take it back.

welp.

no, actually, rip to her.

i love watching people’s eyes dilate. one of the things that i really enjoy learning about is genetics, and how different traits come about. it’s one of my favorite things. he’s got such pretty eyes too, it makes this all the better.

DAMN, PUT A PASSWORD ON YOUR PHONE

whomst the fuck was that

AYYY SHE MADE IT

he did a good pitch, if i say so myself.

ooh, a history between the two

OOOH PLOT........IT THICKENS BESTIES

thats a fair reason

i know his ass is scared

that reminded me of the one scene in family guy where stewie beats brian’s ass for not having his money. im talking blood and broken glass fighting, mind you.

UH OH

im scared

W H A T

god i hate this

OOH SHIT

i have never seen this man be this upset dear lord-

im scared of him

oh no-

wheres the body?? who’s body was it?

well fahk me innit

PERIODTTTTTT

STAY STRAPPED BITCHESSSS

damn....das hot

THIS WAS PLANNED

oh, not the pot

NOT THE FACE

..........oh lord

god, how long has he been there, and how long did it take them to get there?

im not a medical professional, but ehhh that blood looks fairly clotted, like...kinda.

idk.

damn he’s in rough shape

GET THE KID AWAY FROM THE SCENE

corky my beloved

bro wtf, this is SO TERRIFYING

woahhhh, he looks fucked up

wonderful hair, even with a fucked up face

this is such a beautiful shot, my lord.

that ambulance cut too close to the curve for me lol

u cant call dead people, ms. jed

danny ur father was right for asking you to thank the person who saved your life, HOWEVER, i do hate your dad.

awwww!! yes, i would love to hear about squids.

giving me captain james conrad vibes with the shirt color

yeah, corky’s cool (for the time being)

i like the name mordecai

speaking of which, i DID, in fact, have a crush on mordecai from regular show

i dont think smoking would be good for the cracked ribs

ah, so corky is figuring shit out

he does have nice ankles.

i dont know if he would be any good at running with CRACKED RIBS.

i would be milking everything i could if i was in his position.

he looks more upset than anything.

um.....ew

mr. frisky, i think you need some therapy for that.

get them pics.

thee river house

okay sir, shut the fuck up before i punch you through the damn screen.

angela burr my beloved.

YAYYYY. he got a lobster!! im proud of him

bruh, sit in the chair, not on this man’s thigh hairs

watch him sleep through all of tomorrow

me pretending to sleep when my mama checks in on me:

THE LOOK-

ONTO EPISODE THREEE-!

[solasan]

96 + june & adam 👀

angst/fluff prompt list

96 — “can’t you stay a little longer?”, late book 2

The Agency’s medical facilities have a lot going for them, obviously, being super-secret government-run places that cater almost exclusively to the equally-super-secret supernatural patrons of the world. The law of super-secret government agencies says that they have to be pretty well put-together, y’know? Captain America wasn’t made in, like, a garage. Iron Man doesn’t get treated in a public hospital. Batman never got himself stitched up in the parking lot of a Denny’s, or anything.

So, yeah, they’re top-notch. Grade A, or whatever. But they’re still indentured to the general rule of all hospitals and hospital-adjacent facilities worldwide, so— like, the food fucking sucks.

Which wouldn’t be a problem, normally. Except that Adam’s still laid-up from what the Trappers did to him — which June is still very carefully Not-Thinking about, because she’s very good at Not-Thinking about these kinds of things — and she’s obviously not about to, like, leave him, or whatever, even if he did have to be moved to the main Facility to be monitored. Which means, y’know. She’s stuck with shitty food.

Today’s fare had been a choice between soggy salad or soggy casserole, and June’s not a rabbit, thank you, so casserole it is.

Or— probably casserole it is. She’s not, like, actually sure? It’s kinda stodgy and stiff, and she’s pretty sure casseroles aren’t supposed to be like that, but then what would she know? She hasn’t had casserole since the week after Dad’s funeral, when it was all they ate, ‘cause Rebecca couldn’t get out of bed to cook.

She heaves a sigh, shakes her head, and knocks on Adam’s door. Only obviously, Adam isn’t the one to open it.

Elidor’s lips are twitching, but there’s a stern line to his brow when he looks at her that really isn’t encouraging. “He’s sleeping, June. Go back to the cafeteria.”

“Ugh, I can’t. It’s too quiet.”

“It’s quiet in here, too. He needs his rest.”

“I know.” June grins up at him, batting her big brown eyes that way she’d perfected by the time that she was twelve and Miss Lewis caught her carving binary translations of swear words into the underside of her desk. “Look, I’ll be real good, okay, I promise. And c’mon, who’s gonna know?”

“I’ll know.”

“Yeah, yeah, you will... But! We’re friends, Elidor. Right?”

He stares down at her for several very long moments, blinking slowly like she’s a special kind of idiot — which, ouch, she has an IQ of 163, thanks— before he sighs. Only after giving a careful look over his shoulder does he say, “you promise to be quiet, June?”

June mimes locking up her lips, then throwing away the key.

The corners of Elidor’s mouth jerk, and she grins triumphantly, her smile only growing when he sighs and opens the door wider. “I’m going to be making the rounds, but I’ll be back in an hour. Behave, alright? He’ll never get out of here if you and your team don’t let him heal.”

Which officially has her mood plummeting, but alright. She nods, face as solemn as can be, and with one last careful look, Elidor lets her through and leaves, shutting the door quietly behind him.

The room is pretty small, when she steps into it. Cold, too. Doesn’t Adam mind? Or do vampires not get cold? She’ll have to ask — probably not now, though. Nate usually answers her questions… he might not mind.

The floors are some kinda fake-wood linoleum, and they squeak under her sneakers as she crosses the space to settle in the plastic chair set up by the side of Adam’s bed. There’s a dog-eared copy of Wuthering Heights and a mostly-empty mug of tea on his bedside table, so Nate was probably the last one in here. Hopefully he also doesn’t mind her taking his space.

Bed doesn’t look comfortable, she thinks, wrinkling her nose at the thin-looking sheets by Adam’s feet. How’s he not going totally crazy?

Because he did go a little crazy when they told him they’d be moving him. To keep an eye on you, Elidor had said, and you’d have thought someone had shot Adam, the way he reacted.

Well, no. June has shot Adam, and he, like, barely reacted at the time, so...

Still. You get it.

She has to inhale carefully and clench her jaw before she can force herself to look at his face. He’s less fucked up than he was, at least; vampire healing’s nothing to sniff at. But one of his eyes is still a little swollen, his cheekbone the lurid yellow of a mostly-healed bruise, and her chest twinges at the sight.

Stupid. She’s really fucking stupid. Especially since this is, like, at least fifty percent her fault.

But that’s not a thought she likes to linger on, really, so June does what June always does: she pushes it away, swallows, and bottles it up somewhere it’ll never see the light of day.

The casserole is just as disappointing as it’d looked, and she pokes at it disinterestedly, nose wrinkled, daydreaming idly about the Chinese place around the corner from her apartment, chicken chow mein and dumplings steaming on the tongue. 

As soon as Adam’s healed up, she’s heading back to her place and absolutely splurging on as much takeout as she can carry. No one can say shit about it, either, because she’s going actually batshit as things are, and if they do, she might just hit them.

After a little while more of pushing about mushrooms and what might be beef with her fork, she gives it up as a lost cause and drops the bowl on Adam’s bedside table, swiping up Nate’s book with her other hand and rearranging herself on the rickety plastic chair so that her feet are on the seat, knees drawn up to her chest.

Only it turns out Wuthering Heights is, like, super fucking depressing. Like, seriously? This is the kinda stuff Nate reads? He’s so… not happy-go-lucky, but nice. Serious, for sure, but not depressed.

Probably.

Well.

Okay. She can’t actually pass judgement on that, since she’s been carefully-cultivating herself so that no one would guess at the bottles of zoloft in her medicine cabinet since she was, like, seventeen, but still. It’s a surprise, kinda.

Her cheeks puff out as she exhales, blowing a raspberry that’d shame any toddler, before resettling herself in the chair again. Maybe she’s just not comfortable enough?

“Bad book?” 

“Jesus!”

Her and the chair very nearly become intimately acquainted with the floor, and it’s only by mercy of her quick thinking that she manages to hook her hands onto the foot of the bed, steadying the seat before she can embarrass herself even more.

And— did Adam just laugh?

June blinks at him owlishly, taking in his sleep-mussed hair, his hazy green eyes, the ever-so-faint quirk of his lips. He— that might have been a laugh. A very, very quiet one, but—

She grins, positively fucking buoyant. If someone tossed her into a river right now, not only would she float, she’d fly. “How long have you been awake, asshole?”

He pulls a face that she’s never seen before, nose scrunching up beautifully, and Jesus Christ, what she’d give for a camera right now. “I do not know. Not long.”

“Not long,” she repeats. Then, leaning in conspiratorially, she whispers: “Were you spying on me?”

“No!” he half-yelps, his eyes green and wide and green. “I would— I would never do such a thing.”

June laughs, her heart doing something funny behind her ribs. “Alright, old man, chill. I was kidding.”

“Yes, well I was— not. Kidding.” He purses his lips, eyes narrowing as he seems to run over that sentence in his head, and then he sighs. “At any rate, you did not seem to be enjoying it.”

“Enjoying it?”

“The book.”

“Oh! Right. The book.” She clears her throat. Seriously, he is way too distracting. “Weeeeeell. I know it’s high-brow reading, but — and don’t tell Nate I said this — it’s a little boring.”

His face contorts into a vague approximation of his usual frown, and he goes a little cross-eyed as he squints at the cover. “Wuthering Heights is not boring.”

“Oh, so you’ve read it? Wait, that’s a dumb question, of course you have. You’re a trillion years old.”

He huffs through his nose in that maybe-laugh way again. “Not a trillion.”

“Basically a trillion.” She tilts her head at him, setting the book down where it was. “You doing okay?”

“Hm. I would be doing much better if they would let me out of this bed.”

“Well, no, you’d probably be doing much worse. Let the medical professionals do their jobs, idiot.”

Adam scowls properly then, but it didn’t exactly intimidate her when he was upright and unhurt, so it definitely doesn’t intimidate her now. He’s kinda like a pissy kitten, she thinks, eyeing his messy hair and trying not to laugh. A puffed up, super pissed, super adorable little six-foot-something kitty.

“Why are you smiling at me like that?” he grumbles, eyes locked on a spot somewhere over her left shoulder.

“Like what?”

“Like that,” he says expansively, jerking his hand in the rough direction of her face.

“‘Cause that explains everything. Man, how much DMB do they have you on?”

“Don’t change the subject.”

She laughs properly then, and his gaze snaps back to her all at once, the line between his eyebrows smoothing out as his whole face softens. “Aren’t people supposed to be less grumpy on painkillers? Like, I’ve seen the wisdom teeth videos. Aren’t you supposed to be all dopey and nice?”

Adam blinks at her for several very long moments. “I do not have wisdom teeth.”

“What, seriously?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Like, at all?”

“At all,” he agrees with sickening pride, jaw cracking around a yawn.

“Damn,” June sighs. “You’re so lucky. I had wisdom teeth, right, but I had to get them removed when I was nineteen. I think I’ve still got the video from after somewhere— God, okay, I have to delete that before Farah ever finds out.” Straightening in her seat, she points a finger at him, giggling when his eyes cross as he tries to focus on it. “Don’t. Tell her, okay?”

“Alright,” he says readily, narrowing his eyes at her finger. “I will not tell her. What am I not telling her?”

“Precisely.”

Adam frowns. “What?”

The door clicks open before she can respond, and she blinks innocently up at Elidor, who’s already sighing.

“June, you said you would let him sleep.”

“I did. I did say that. And I did also let him sleep— he woke up on his own, Scout’s honour.”

“You were a Scout?” Adam asks.

“Uh— technically? No.”

And— and at that, Adam laughs. It’s such a cute little laugh, too, a slightly-dazed little snorting giggle, and whatever she was about to say next literally does not matter, the whole world does not matter, because that is, officially, the best sound June has ever heard. Her heart tries to throw itself out through her sternum and into his hands, and she doesn’t even blame it, because holy shit. How has she been living her whole life not knowing he could laugh like that? Jesus fucking Christ.

Elidor snorts. “Okay, while this is all very sweet and everything, you,” and here he gestures to Adam, “need to rest, and you,” he points at June, “need to let him rest.”

“Uh—” June swallows, clears her throat. “Right. Yeah.”

So sue her, she’s still a little wrapped up in the way Adam had laughed. It’s very fucking understandable, in her opinion.

Adam frowns, hand reaching out clumsily to catch with hers, and this time her heart is trying to worm its way up through her esophagus, she swears to God. “Can you not stay a little longer?”

Her brain has… broken, a little bit, perhaps. Which is why it’s probably for the best that Elidor sweeps in, shaking his head. “I’m afraid she can’t, Agent du Mortain.”

He grumbles.

“Look, I’ll be back, okay?” June offers when her tongue decides to work again, swallowing thickly around the heart she can still feel beating in her throat. “Right, Elidor?”

Elidor sighs, eyeing the two of them and their hands, which are — somehow — still joined. “If I say yes, will you be good about leaving?”

“Absolutely.”

“Alright, then. She’ll be back, Agent du Mortain.”

She squeezes his palm with her fingers, and Adam finally relents with a sigh. “Alright, then. Goodbye, June.”

[jadelynlace]

fifty questions

tagged by the wonderful @skrsgardspam

questions & answers are under the cut.

what color is your hairbrush? -white, it has a llama on it

name a food you never eat? - duck, my father is a hunter and still wants me to try it 

are you typically too warm or too cold? - I’m too warm, always

what were you doing 45 minutes ago? - putting brownies in the oven

what’s your favorite candy bar? - take five 

have you ever been to a professional sports game? - yes, once

what’s the last thing you said out loud? - “mother fucker” shocker, I know

what’s your favorite ice cream? - coffee or cookie dough

what was the last thing you had to drink? - coffee

do you like your wallet? - yes, it’s army green and vegan leather

what’s the last thing you ate? - I had a bagel with jalapeño cream cheese

did you buy any new clothes last weekend? - yes

what’s the last sporting event you watched? - some of the super bowl in February

what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? - just plain popcorn

who’s the last person you sent a text to? - my mom

ever go camping? - yes, but not since I was a child, and I hated it

do you take vitamins? - yes, when I take my other medications

do you go to church every Sunday? - I’ve never been to church

do you have a tan? - no, I can’t tan, only burn

do you prefer Chinese or pizza? - Chinese take out all the way

do you drink soda through a straw? - not usually

what color socks do you usually wear? - I only wear socks with boots, but they’re usually just plain

do you ever drive above the speed limit? - all the time, it's a bad habit

what terrifies you? - being in the middle of the ocean, but that’s unrealistic mostly. But other than that, nothing

look to your left, what do you see? - a feline

what chore do you hate the most? - I love cleaning, so none

what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? - Steve Irwin, honestly

what’s your favorite soda? - coke zero

do you go in fast food or just hit the drive thru? - drive thru, I usually have a small children in my wake

what’s your favorite number? - 23

who’s the last person you talked to? - my mom

favorite cut of beef? - ground beef honestly, you can make so many things. but if we’re talking real cuts, definitely the fillet mignon 

last song you listened to? - Welcome to the Jungle by Guns and Roses

last book you read? - I’m starting to read Cruel Sacrifice by Aphrodite Jones

can you say the alphabet backwards? - yes, I have to teach it so I know it back wards too from repeating it so many times

favorite day of the week? - Mondays, I get to see the kids.

how do you like your coffee? - black

favorite pair of shoes? - my black combat boots

time you normally wake up? - 6 am on work days, 8 am on weekends

sunrise or sunset? - sunset, if I’m in a nice spot to see it

how many blankets on your bed? - my sheet and comforter, and then the fluffy blanket my kitty likes, so 3 total

describe your kitchen plates - white with a gold ring around the edge 

describe your kitchen at the moment - small little apartment kitchen, pretty basic with wood cabinets and granite counter tops. I do have a rolling island cart that I love.

do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? - dirty martinis, or white wine

do you play cards? - no, not really. Unless uno counts, then I sometimes play that with the preschoolers to teach them colors, numbers, and how to take turns

what color is your car? - sand / light brown

can you change a tire? - yes and I can change my oil, too

your favorite state, province, country, etc. - Maine, or the small little town my grandmother lives in

favorite job you’ve had? - working with children, I also did enjoying working on the adult unit at the psychiatric ward in my county

how did you get your biggest scar? - self harming

tagging: @bae-roman @kathryn-jane @walkxthexmoon @lihikainanea @angelofthenightposts @emmyrosee @smileysam13579 @unbetaedimagines @helllandhoney @a-stunning-princess and anyone else who would like to!