#meaningful connections since it's so hard for me to have any kind of social life due to chronic illness. it means so much that i can

[opalsiren]

one of my friends just reached out to say she's started writing again for the first time in years and mentioned i'm her oldest friend and the only one that's read her poetry and i'm 🥲🥲🥲

[raayllum]

The fact that DPO didn’t show in their social media the “To love is simply know this” part of the poem and it’s revealed by Callum in the trailer while they show a scene with him and Rayla is such a move, they know what they are doing don’t they? I wonder how it will actually play in the show

So here's the thing - one of the traits attributed to the Ocean arcanum forever ago (hi like immediate post-s1 "which primal are you" quiz) cites that the Ocean arcanum is primarily about connection, i.e. "You value friendship, love, and family above all else in life" which isn't that dissimilar from Callum's canon Tales of Xadia bio, citing, "I value those close to me more than anyone or anything" which he's more than demonstrated before about Ezran and Rayla. This also falls in line with Viren's "I have always been ready to do anything to protect my family, however dangerous, however vile. In the name of love, you may perform acts so unforgiveable," Claudia's overall everything in regards to her family / her father, and Rayla's "Going to dark places and making hard choices is an act of love".

Furthermore (putting on my English major cap) let's look at the (presumably Tidebound) poem itself:

Do not ask how the ocean’s blue, Or why the tides their time do keep. To love is simply to know this… The tides are true as the ocean is deep.

So the first two lines mention the ocean and tides, making them the connective thread of the poem (i.e. 3/4 lines are about them), specifically to not ask questions regarding appearance and time. You could also extrapolate this further into not asking why people do what they do (how their behaviour appears/manifests) or keeping track of when people do things (love is patient, love is kind, and all that). Either way, it seems either 1) you don't always have to understand someone to love them or 2) to be more focused on the person you love than the physical world around you / to see the people you love in the physical world around you.

Then you have the, as you rightfully pointed out, online that's been omitted from the poem previously: "To love is simply to know this..."

Now love itself isn't simple - platonic, romantic, alterous, and familial forms of love are about as complicated as it can get. However, TDP has taken this stance before with love and knowing what you can understand about it:

To know something truly and deeply, you must know it with your head, hand, and heart. Mind, body, and spirit. I love you with all of myself, and I always will. (Sarai, 2x09)

Which is to say I think the entire final lines need to be analyzed together, stating:

To love is simply to know this: the tides are true as the ocean is deep.

Which means, to me, that to love someone truly and deeply, you must accept that there will be changing and tumultuous times (the tides are in a constant ebb and flow and always will be) but that if your love is deep enough, you can weather any of said changes.

While it undeniably applies to Claudia and Viren (hence them and their Rayllum "reaching motif" "darkness and water" parallel), the fact that it's Callum reading it out loud is meaningful, I think, particularly since this sort of epiphany and it manifesting in his arc would absolutely fit his and Rayla's evolving dynamic this season: still madly in love, still incredibly supportive, and working to find their way toward reconciliation and understanding.

His love for Rayla, and her love for him, have been a defining part of their characters for a while (basically every season since season two) and I don't expect that to change any time soon. Thus, they have to come around and figure out what they are, and reaffirm who they are to each other (a partner, a friend, a best friend, and possibly a romantic partner again) in order for either of them to fully start healing.

Because at the end of the day, all it really comes down to is if they love each other - and well, the answer will always be yes.

Ezran: You still love her, don't you? Callum: I don't even know if she's alive. Ezran: She's alive. And wherever she is, she loves you, too. [...] Ezran: Callum, Rayla, stop [arguing]. Don't you remember who you are?

[unintuit]

That thing that goes around, the thing where making friends is just a series of bids for connection that are met that over time build connection --

I try it and it feels empty. I meet bids and meet them, and meet them again, and sometimes I'll summon up the courage to make a bid, and it might or might not get met, and that's normal. But it all feels so artificial, and it feels as if I hear out my friends' woes over and over, I praise their efforts and enjoy their works, and I don't get the same in return.

It's been so long since I had a friend who cared enough to

1. listen when I was upset and

2. engage in any meaningful ways with the things I do or love.

So fucking long. That's not even to speak of just shooting the shit, and/or regularly initiating conversation.

I thought for a few years I had someone like that, but when things got hard for me last year with my dad's cancer and my brothers fighting, she basically told me she didn't want to hear it. It was the one time I'd reached out to her to talk about how I was doing in months and months, and she made it clear that our friendship had shifted to one where if it's not popcorn-light or fandom thirsting, it's not welcome.

Which! Boundary established, fair enough. I've honoured it since. But things are heavy for me lately and I'm tired and I could have used an old friend to lean on just a little bit.

Instead I now only talk to her maybe once a month, because I know she doesn't want to hear anything I have to say these days. This is, to be clear, after nearly ten years of friendship that did used to include support given and recieved for heavy stuff: it's a change that I don't know the source of and that came at a ferociously painful time for me. I really needed a friend and she shut me down. I can't really read that kind of pulling-back of support without explanation or checking-back as anything but the cessation of what used to be a close friendship.

There's no one else I'm close enough to feel comfortable talking about that stuff with. Everyone's got too much on their plate to listen to me, or the friendship (for reasons of power dynamics of various types) is that I am to listen and support and not to offload my problems on them. And that's okay! In a lot of these cases it makes sense, and if I'm honest, I love helping where I can. It's fulfilling.

But it does hurt when I am consistently everyone's last priority. Even when it makes sense, even when it's fair.

I just -- it doesn't work. That thing about building friendships, it doesn't work. I can't do it in real life: I've tried. I used to get invited to parties in college and had a cozy little group of friends by the time I graduated, but as an adult in my thirties, I have one person I consider a friend. one. and we see each other once every few months. I'm trying to build another, but it's glacial, it's so slow, and it'll be years before we're at a point where I'm sure they actually like me or want to be around me. (They haven't initiated any hangouts, in any case; it's always been me and at this point I'm flagging. I'm tired of the uncertainty.)

Or I try and put myself into group social situations where people meet regularly, because apparently that's another way to do it, but I fade into the background. I disappear, despite my best efforts, and people form friendships around me but never with me. I'm sure I stink of fear or something and it puts people off.

So I'm trying online, but like -- it's the same shit. It's less draining and frightening than trying RL, so I can put more time overall, so I do get to occasionally build a casual association, but it's never enough. I mean, there's a reason I'm shouting this into a void rather than talking to a friend about it: there is no one, literally no one, to whom it would be appropriate for me to talk to about this. Who would not be harmed by it, and who would get the same pleasure out of helping me that I get out of helping others. Or if there are, they have not made that known in any ways that I have seen.

I lost so many years to being sick in a way that kept me homebound that my social skills didn't mature with my cohort, inasmuch as they even could with my autistic-ass brain: I don't know how to make new friends with people my age, and general attrition (people moving away and/or drifting away) means I have very few people I still know from when I was young. My industry skews a bit younger than my actual age, and increasingly so as I get older: lots of fresh grads, because it's an industry that chews people up and spits them out. (The first friend I made in animation was almost ten years my junior, and we both assumed the other was closer to our age! which was wild! and now we've drifted apart.) I'm also part of some younger, queer spaces online, because they resonate with things I never had space to express when I was in my twenties. But, frankly, I don't want my only new friends to be people who are younger than me.

I like inter-generational friendships; I think they're a powerful part of the wider social fabric! I think they're a good way for people to realize the continuousness of human experience and to teach and learn, in both directions. But also, there's stuff you only really share with people your age, and honestly, it's a bit pathetic to imagine myself as one of those weirdos who can't maintain long-term friends within my age cohort. I comport myself in a specific, more self-aware way with my younger friends. I can relax a little more with people my own age.

I genuinely think something's broken on my end. I'm too boring, or off putting, or I don't do it right. Something. I don't know what: if I did I could either work to come to terms with it or change it.

But I'm adrift, and I'm tired, and I'm so fucking lonely. So, so, so lonely.

Christ, this isn't going to help anything.

[v0rekeith]

good evening tumblr i’ve made another meaningful connection and that means it’s time to catalogue my thoughts about it:

1. I’m definitely struggling with connection since i moved; it’s a mix of the social anxiety i already knew i was experiencing in with strangers and what i think? is a response to previous experiences where i just close up in situations with new people because it’s so. so much easier to attune to momentary whims of the strangers around me, in the emotional sense

2. the dead girl depression is starting to hit and it IS impacting my self esteem. I’m a fully formed person, and i’m not a bad or defective daughter for leaving, wanting to move states, and transitioning. my dad’s issues with my identity are HIS issues and i shouldn’t compromise core tenants of myself for him or for my family.

3. i’m so chomp at the bit anxious to know why i feel so traumatized about sex but simultaneously stock-still terrified to find out that it’ll be worse than i thought. i think the reason i’m taking it so slow because i know that knowing what it is would put such a wedge in my life that i’d need time and space to rebuild my mental state and i don’t have that time.

4. i’m trying really hard to deepen my sexual experience because my last boyfriend fucked me up. i can’t imagine starting a relationship and having sex in the same relationship (because we only had sex before we were dating) so i feel like i need to have detached sexual relationships in order to experience any kind of sexual intimacy but this also causes me to keep everyone i know at arms length because in my head my only friend is my lover and i’m trying to dismantle that idea while also not being too weird about my found family which became my support system in the aftermath of the breakup

5. go to therapy bozo

[prototypelq]

I`m firmly in the camp 'all Spards need hugs and therapy', sadly though, there Might be hugs for them, but I cannot imagine any one of them going to actual therapy. On the side of healing though

One of the fascinating scenarios to me is how the twins have to help each other overcome their issues. Obviously, Vergil has been in literal Hell for half of his life, so he will need time and help to adjust, and the only person he can trust with that is Dante. The only people the twins truly connected to in their lives were each other, and after many years that connection became painful and rotten, but never truly faded. So, after they yeel, and fight, yell some more and joke around later, they can mend that.

The truly hard part will come after that. Once they return from Hell, Vergil is going to have to try to forge a new relationship for the first time in a very long time. Since his main experience with relationships with other people is his rivalry with Dante, and paired with the fact that Nero is just as impulsive and hotheaded as Vergil, the process is going to be rough, but I am sure they will figure it out, because both really want this connection to work.

Dante, on the other hand, I believe will have even worse time adjusting to having his family be present in his life. His painful history with Vergil have run him into the ground over the years, and each time Dante tried to make a new connection to anyone - the person eventually left him. Lady seems to be a trigger-twitchy associate, Trish left to be her own person and because watching Dante falling into depsair has been hard for her, looks like Dante and Lucia have not seen each other after their job, Patty left to live with her mother, and Morrison even commented Dante was upset after that. And Nero. Nero falls right into the 'extremely painful family history' category, and while Dante clearly wanted to be present for his nephew, he also could not bear doing it for long, which resulted in their distant partnership in (family) business and occasional gifts, like the neon sign.

While Vergil is, well, rusty (extremely understating) with his social skills and never used his opportunities to make meaningful connections to people around him. Dante has tried and tried over the years, and all of them kind of failed. Yes, Dante had gathered people around him and they do hold on to each other (Patty evidently calls him, plus he, Nero and the women share work sometimes), he cannot truly commit to having a meaningful relationship with either of these poeple because the most important connection he ever had, with his twin, has been a constant pain the entire time, so he closes himself off to not let it bother other people and not add any more burden for himself.

When Dante and Vergil fix their relationship, Vergil just might become the person to help Dante overcome his insecurity and constant avoidance, first of all by becoming a proper uncle to Nero. I don`t think any other person could help Dante get out of the shell he had been forced to create for himself, and there is very little motivation for him to work on these issues as important as Nero. And while Nero is Dante's motivation, Vergil will be his main support during this process. Because if Vergil has been able to have a healthy relationship with Nero, Dante can have one too surely. Because Vergil is the most real, strongest and most painful connection Dante has ever had to anyone, and he is the only person Dante can trust with these issues. Their bond was forged through hellfire, and it can help them both come out of it.

Nero truly is the gift to twins, and he might be the solution to them overcoming their trauma and having genuine, healthy and meaningful connections with other people.

[jadegreenimmortality]

Hello hello~ Is it alright if I request some headcanons about how Kunikida and Dazai handle jealousy~? (with a female s/o, x Reader)

If 2 characters are too much, just Kunikida pls ❤️

Dazai's reactions to jealousy

A/N: Hello dear anon!! Of course you can, thank you so much for requesting! I’ve seen this kind of request floating around lately and I’ve been thrilled to give it a try myself.(◕▽◕) I just love jealousy headcanons hahaha. It’s stupid and I don’t feel like that irl, but doesn’t jealousy make you feel more appreciated? ¬‿¬ I assume you meant how the boys would handle feeling jealous, but since you didn’t specify I decided to explore both situations – the boys getting jealous and the reader getting jealous because I really enjoyed myself here. I hope you like it!! I also hope you don’t mind me keeping this gender-neutral, I just felt this worked well without the specification. (≧∀≦ゞ Once again, I wrote more than originally planned, so I’ll post Dazai and Kunikida separately. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ You can find Kunikida's part here.

Pairings: Dazai x gn!reader

Genre: fluff, slight angst

Warnings: jealousy, self-doubt, slight possessiveness

Summary: Different situations in which either of you could get jealous and how Dazai deals with it.

How would he handle his own jealousy?

Contrary to what you may expect, Dazai tends to get jealous quickly. Not in an angry, reproachful way though, but suffering silently. This man has some severe trust issues after all. Sure, he is a huge flirt himself and has a high “body count” if you know what I mean, but that’s all just a form of shallow entertainment for him. Deep down he’s wishing for a meaningful connection, but letting someone become close to him is hard, especially after what happened with Oda. So when he makes the decision to enter a serious relationship, he would definitely cast aside any type of foolish flirting. He has found what he yearned for, someone to that makes every breath he takes a little bit easier, and the fear of losing you can shake him to his core.

It surely took a lot of working through his emotional barricades to let you in and even though he’s content to have you in his life, jealousy would cause all those emotional barricades to reactivate and many doubts to resurface. Now that he has someone as amazing as you that brings some sort of hope into his life, he is suddenly much more aware of his own emotions, including his self-doubt. There will be intrusive thoughts that appear out of nowhere in his head from time to time: does he even deserve this kind of happiness? Will it really last? Or will you grow weary of who he is at some point?

Of course, not everything would cause him to feel jealous. He surely isn’t one to get jealous over colleagues or friendships. He is a social butterfly of some sorts, so while he’d make sure to meet everyone you regularly hang out or are close friends with, he’d do it out of curiosity who else you’re close with and not out of distrust. Since he’s very skilled at analysing people’s thoughts and intentions, he’d be quick to notice if anyone around you has certain intentions with you. And as long as they don’t, he’s not bothered in the least. If you tend to hang out a lot with the same people or have some really close friends, he may whine about you loving them more than you, but deep down, he isn’t really bothered, he’s just being a bit bratty.

Now, if he notices anyone – be it a colleague, a friend, the cashier at the supermarket or someone else you’re acquainted with – being interested in you romantically, that’s whole different story.

If he notices someone having a crush on you from their behaviour or what you tell him about their interactions with you, he probably wouldn’t tell you about it. There’s no need to. Instead, he’d make sure to be there with you as often as possible when you’re around that person and be especially cheesy and romantic. I’m pretty confident Dazai likes to exert a certain level of PDA, but in this case he takes it up a notch. Expect surprise kisses that are a bit to passionate to be given in public, him having his arm wrapped around your waist and holding you close to him constantly preferably so close that you are smooshed against his chest and some heavy flirting. He’ll tell you how beautiful you look and another myriad of compliments, believe me he’ll get creative with that. He doesn’t care if you end up completely flustered and a blushing mess actually he loves when that happens as long as the person can clearly see that you’re very much in love with him and taken. If you get annoyed by this behaviour and reject him though…he will act like he usually does, overly dramatic and comically hurt. So, not to be taken seriously, right? Wrong, because your rejection even though you are right to set your boundaries just planted another seed of doubt in his heart.

If someone is flirting with you, he’ll let you handle the situation at first. He’s not exactly confident that you’ll reject them, though it will seem like he is. More so, he is hoping for you to reject them. He wants to see you tell them that you’re taken, that you have a s/o, that you belong with him. If you do everything is fine, he’ll just smile and there’s nothing to talk about. If you don’t because you simply didn’t get it who knows maybe you’re dense like me and said person continues to flirt with you, he’d step in. He’d be very subtle about it, but as we know, that doesn’t mean he he isn’t scary. I mean, if someone has the guts to flirt with you with him present that’s probably someone overly self-confident or equally dense as you and he has to make clear that you belong to him. Just taking your hand and enlacing your fingers or slinging an arm around your shoulders and calling you “babe” might do the job…and if it doesn’t he’ll find just the right words to make the other back off very quickly. He still has that same aura that made people cower in fear in his mafia days after all.

Now, let’s say someone flirts with you and you decide to flirt back - can you hear his heart shatter? He’d be shocked to see you do that, but he wouldn’t get mad, no. You probably wouldn’t even notice him being affected by it at all. Let’s just assume you flirted back just lightly because you felt flattered, maybe even having in mind how much of a flirt Dazai is, he’ll get it...right?

Dazai would be sitting there, analysing the way you your lips curl, how you laugh and how you enjoy the other’s attention. Rationally, he recognizes you’re just flirting back because you are feeling flattered. But that doesn’t mean it hurts him less. Cue (self-)doubt pouring into his brain. You’d probably notice changes gradually over the next days. He’d be more distanced and you’d have difficulties reaching out for the real him you got to know under his elaborate façade. His manipulative coping behaviour would show from time to time. A little, subtly guilt-tripping commentary here, a cold, distanced reaction there…he wouldn’t approach you to talk about this though, no way. Though he learned to trust you, his doubts are in control right now. You’ll have to sit him down and, with a lot of patience and time, work your way through to him to even find out why he is behaving this way.

When he finally tells you, Dazai would look at you calmly while he retells the moment that made him act this way. It would sound like he’d be describing a scene in a movie. Maybe he would even smile, that calm smile that makes everyone around him shiver unpleasantly. His eyes would seem far, oh so far away. But you are used to this way he has to retreat into himself and alienate himself from everything, so you would know how to handle this. Just take his face into your hands. Touch him gently, even if his eyes seem cold and uncaring… and be honest. Be brave and show yourself vulnerable, even if he seems unreachable in that moment. Tell him just how much you love him and that you just flirted for fun, because you foolishly enjoyed a stranger’s attention. He needs to see the honest, raw feelings in your face to believe you because yes, in this case, he’ll trust his ability to analyse other’s emotions more than your mere words.

If he can see honesty in your eyes, and maybe also guilt and pain, he’ll finally, finally let you in. His facial features would soften, too many emotions on his eyes that he won’t put into words. Instead, he’ll bury his face in the crook of your neck and hug you tightly, clutching his fingers into the back of your shirt. That hug says everything – how he feared he’d lose you in the last days. How he wouldn’t know what that would do to him. How scared he is of losing everything you symbolize in his life.

There’d still be lingering vigilance in his behaviour from then on though. There’s a certain level of trust you need to rebuilt now – just make sure to never, ever flirt with someone else again. It would bring too much harm to Dazai and your relationship as a whole.

Little extra – and if someone flirts with you and becomes too insistent?

Let’s say Dazai is still giving you time to reject the admirer or he is just approaching you when he sees the person reach out for you – it doesn’t matter if it’s a simple and subtle touch like brushing your arm or a obnoxious one like grabbing your hand. As soon as he registers your uneasiness, maybe even sees you flinch away, his attitude changes from a silly clown to the very intimidating composure and absolutely terrifying smile we know and love. Watch him calmly walk over to you, grab the person’s wrist and squeeze it until the person begs him to stop. His words though would stay polite, mocking even, which makes it all the more scary.

“Good evening ma’am/sir. I’m sorry to interrupt, but don’t you see my s/o doesn’t appreciate the way you approached them?”

Yeah, watch them either run away screaming or turn as white as a wall and tremble when Dazai lets go of them, wraps an arm around you and drags you away.

“Are you alright (y/n)?”

Though his undertone still sounds menacing from the anger he’s processing, you mainly hear the calm worry in his voice.

This man is will not let anyone overstep your boundaries and try to take what he considers to be his, period.

And how does he handle your jealousy?

Now this is a whole different story. Honestly? Expect him to not take it too seriously if you don’t insist. In some twisted way, he just doesn’t want to take it seriously, it would make his own jealousy issue so much worse. But he’s also painfully aware of just how much he loves you, so the thought of you fearing he would leave you for someone else seems somewhat laughable to him.

If you get jealous easily, like seeing him happy and/or relaxed around a colleague or a friend, he’d notice. He notices any time you get jealous if we’re being honest here, so there’s no sense in hiding it. However, he would leave it up to you if you want to talk about it. If you keep it to yourself he’ll respect that and, as long as your behaviour doesn’t change, he’ll assume you decided to handle this emotional struggle by yourself. But if you do approach him, maybe even in a subtly mad or reproaching state, there may be a bit of a discussion before he sits down with you and you talk about it properly.

“Oh, Yosano-san? She’s a good friend yes, why? Is my honeycake jealous?”

Yeah, he’ll use silly nicknames to tease you as well. Honestly, he partly just thinks is cute that you get jealous over nothing and of course, there’s a certain level of satisfaction involved since this shows him just how important he is to you.

If you’re serious about it though or insist that you’re bothered by the way he interacts with friends, he’ll finally accept that there’s an issue you need to talk about. He does understand very well how you’re feeling, how you’re afraid to lose him if he grows too close to other people, so he won’t judge you for your feelings. They make you oh so human after all.

Maybe the solution will be for you to get to know his colleagues and/or friends better, maybe it will be not to hang out with them at all. But in the end, Dazai knows that you really do not want to limit him, that you are actually suffering from your own jealousy. So he’ll make sure to try and express his appreciation for you more as a way to help you get over it. Complicated as he may be sometimes, he does cherish you deeply and wants you to know that you’re the only one for him. He’ll find out which is the best way for you to feel loved easily enough, be it spending more time together, going on special dates or getting physical~ more often.

If you get jealous over someone obviously having a crush on him, he’ll enjoy it plenty. Again, he finds it not only cute, but also satisfactory to see how much you claim his attention for you. After lots a bit of teasing, he’ll promise you to turn said person down if they ever ask him out.

If you witness Dazai being flirted with…well, I can tell you, that’s not to uncommon. He’s a very good looking young man after all and with a certain level of charisma as well, so my guess is that people take a shot quite frequently - especially if it isn’t obvious you’re his s/o. Dazai, of course, will be pleased about it. In the end, it’s all shallow and meaningless in his eyes, this superficial kind of flirting, but it is flattering. Still, he knows how insufferable it is for you to see him getting treated in such way, so he’ll cut the person off and tell them he is already taken, taking your hand in his and squeezing it lightly. No, he has no qualms addressing it directly, even if the other persons flirting is subtle; who cares about their feelings?

But maybe, you decide to step in before he can react. Now that will be a very enjoyable moment for him. Whether your jealousy expresses itself with seething anger, a cold demeanour or straight up possessiveness by grabbing his arm and pulling him close to you, he has never before seen someone claiming his love so genuinely. Because he knows that’s what lies behind the cussing, the cold sneer or the firm grasp around his upper arm, he’ll be sure to take your reactions seriously…at first. He’ll let you do your thing and give the baffled admirer an amused shrug, then go off with you and…well, start teasing you. Heh. Good luck getting out of that one.

Last but not least: Like I mentioned above, I don’t see Dazai flirting around much after he decides to commit to someone. If it isn’t a committed relationship, sure, he’s not taking this seriously at all and old coping habits die hard – but if he decided for you to be the one, why would he let you suffer for? There’s enough pain and suffering in the world already and every moment he can shield you from it, he feels a little bit closer to happiness.

A/N: I am sorry if this turned out more angsty than you had in mind, it just came to me naturally (＞人＜). Part two with Kunikida will follow soon!

Oh and I am tagging you @pompompurin1028 because well, we talked about this >:).

[shihalyfie]

With Digimon Ghost Game starting, I thought about how different it is from previous Digimon series, though it's still undoubtedly Digimon... and then I realized all Digimon series are like that. So I wonder, what do you think sets each Digimon series apart from the rest?

I think both Ghost Game but also the reboot have been a wake-up call for people in terms of realizing that likes, dislikes, and tastes are subjective, and I think it's especially important in terms of this fanbase that is so obsessed with this idea you can objectively rank things by quality -- especially when each series is often deliberately trying to have its own identity, so it's arguably apples and oranges -- and forcing this idea of what's Good and Not Good on everyone else (especially when there's a nasty double standard phenomenon where Adventure and often Tamers get to be so impervious to criticism that people conveniently forget they're perfectly capable of being scrutinized for a lot of things they're weaker in). Very frustrating to see everyone who likes less popular series treated as if they have to accept that they like a "badly written series" for some things and everything else is a guilty pleasure, which I find to be incredibly dumb.

The most important take-home here is that the fact each series has its own identity is always going to be the main factor in what makes it "good" or not to you, not some arbitrary bar of comparison that's based on some narrow-minded view of "good writing" (which is usually unreasonably based on Adventure). For instance, the reason why 02 is so important to me is because (see below), to me, it has the highest amount of meaningful, important life lessons and themes that it wanted its audience to remember, to the point that I frankly do not care about where the plot goes in comparison. That may not be the case for everyone else, and that's fine, but should my tastes be called unreasonable for that? I think we're also coming to realize that because of Adventure (and kind of 02)'s precedent, so many people have been judging series purely by how intimate their individual character development style is, but this is unfair because Adventure and 02's ridiculous level of character depth to psychological detail is extremely unusual and unrealistic to expect of others; Adventure and 02 only achieved this by practically considering the plot utterly subservient to its character arcs, and it's arguably why they have some of the weakest "plots" in this franchise. It's so bizarre that I can see character development in other Digimon series that outstrips even most kids' anime on the market, but it's not as much as Adventure's so apparently it's bad. And, moreover, as it turns out, some people have priorities other than characterization; just because Adventure had that as its strength doesn't mean that's the only thing anyone should care about. Is the plot fun? Is there a meaningful message besides characters (also important to me)? Do you vibe with the tone being dark, or being silly? How much do you care about resourceful usage of Digimon lore? That kind of thing. Everyone is different, so that's why everyone has their own priorities. If you’re someone who prefers darker content, you may not realize that writing good and well-timed comedy is actually a very, very difficult task, especially when said comedy simultaneously has meaning (in comparison, it’s surprisingly easy to write “dark” but shallow content).

I think it's fair to like every Digimon series for its own thing, depending on your personal tastes. I can't speak for everyone, but my impressions are that it has to do with the following:

Adventure: Significantly easier to understand than 02 due to its more straightforward plot, and focus on individual character development ("individualism" being a strong point here). In terms of characters, it goes a lot into some very real social problems (the divorce around the Ishida and Takaishi families and the pressures surrounding Jou, for instance) in a very realistic manner. Also, it has that sense of mystique and absurdism to the Digital World that's both whimsical but also mysterious, and while 02 has it too, Adventure's the isekai story that has it the most.

02: The first is its focus on the importance of human relationships and the compelling group dynamic unparalleled in this franchise, and the second is its important themes and life lessons that I think are some of the strongest in said franchise. I have a whole tag for the ridiculous amount of nuance packed into every detail and dialogue line for this series, and I think every time I've rewatched an episode I've learned something new about it because there are so many things that clearly wanted to be said in each line. The entire series is basically an unpacking of the feelings of insidious self-hatred and the crushing feeling of being subject to society's expectations, and ones that are so deep-seated that you often don’t even have a single answer to how to unpack it (for instance, Miyako hardly has a tragic single event in her backstory, but she says and does a lot of things that'll be painfully familiar to those who have experienced chronic anxiety). Almost every plot point can be said to connect to each character arc in some way, and the mantras for appreciating and treasuring your own life and living life the way you will make this, in my opinion, the strongest series in terms of speaking to those who struggle with this kind of existential crisis for reasons of depression or otherwise. (Oops, I think I went too passionate about this; my biases are obvious...)

Tamers: I think it forms an interesting study and unpacking of the kinds of things you take for granted in Digimon or the monster-collecting genre in general, and an examination of how they'd work in a real-world context (although 02 had a focus on daily life, it didn't quite merge the Digimon and the real world factors until very late in the series). Also, probably the second highest on "hard sci-fi" (the only one that outstrips it is probably Appmon, but Appmon has a very different, more simplified take on it).

Frontier: A series that lies somewhere between Adventure's scale of individualism and 02's scale of group dynamic, and one more discussing the feeling of having your heart hardened from being an outcast, and what it takes to accept the idea of opening yourself up to others again. Recommended for those who like transforming hero and magical girl stories, too. From the Digimon perspective, also the one with the most detailed and consistent Digital World mythos.

Savers: I think this is the series that most drives home "life is complicated" (i.e. there isn't a single mastermind behind everything) in the most tasteful manner, because while it drives home the point that you can't just simplify everything into a good side and a bad side, some bad things really are evil (hi, Kurata), and it doesn't change the fact that everyone's responsible for cleaning up the fallout. The portrayal of the evils of government bureaucracy is probably the most realistic out of any of these series.

Xros Wars: For those who like fun, most of all! For those who like seeing Digimon finally get more of the spotlight and individuality since so much of it had been geared and biased towards the humans prior to this. For those who really like worldbuilding, and, after all, this is called Xros Wars, so it's interesting to see shakeups on the usual formulas in the form of the different factions and their priorities. Hunters is very different in tone, but I do think they have some of these aspects in common; that said, it being closer to having single partnerships brings it a bit closer in line to conventional Digimon partnerships, and it also has more of a picture of daily life. Also, as much as Tagiru is probably your-mileage-may-vary since he's not exactly a very nice kid (I get it if you don't vibe with that), which may also rub those hoping for not nice kids to become nice the wrong way, I do have to say I find him to be one of the funniest characters in this entire franchise, and you'd be surprised how hard good comedy is to write.

Appmon: Probably one of the strongest theme narratives besides 02, since it has a very clear and obvious theme about the importance of kindness in a world where technology is dominating and we're almost encouraged to strip the feelings out of everything. (Bonus for more straightforward plot than Adventure or 02 while still retaining a lot of its elements in terms of how to characterize them.) Also the first series to be speculative about the near future instead of taking place around the time it airs, and it's very obvious it wants to provide important and necessary commentary about what we need to do in the incoming era, especially as a lot of what it has to say becomes increasingly relevant.

Reboot: For those who like Digimon mythos and null canon -- this is probably the only series to show it off in this level of detail -- and the kind of cool action fights that would usually be saved for the climax in prior series (and animated in much more intimate detail with battle choreography than prior series would have). There are a lot of people into this franchise who felt like it genuinely was not making enough use of its Digimon roster and its potential because it kept going back to the old standbys (especially Adventure-based ones), so it was a huge relief for that crowd to see attention finally being paid.

[mokutone]

yo i would love to hear some of ur trans yam headcanons :) (also ps ur art is breathtaking and whenever i see it reblogged on my dash i always come here anyway to read ur tags bc they r so! good!)

thank u 🥺🥺🥺 god im sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a couple days ksdjghsdkjgh not only have i got a LOT of thoughts to put here (this is only a selection of the bigger thoughts skdjghsdkjhg) i was also super busy the past few days!!!! ty for ur patience, ur compliments, and for inviting me to ramble abt my favorite guy!

maybe the one constant in all trans people is just like. our decision to intentionally and purposefully create ourselves, to forced into an identity by outside forces and to turn away from it in search of something else, and that’s ultimately what makes captain yamato read as a trans character to me! He goes through so many identities, and they are meaningful to him, but you can also clearly tell that he’s searching for something that really fits him.

I don’t really have a lot of firm thoughts on what his specific identity would be, I’ve seen some great nonbinary yams, some lovely genderfluid yams, trans guy yams, there’s a great variety and i delight in them all! 

I tend to imagine him as transmasculine and nonbinary but male aligned (which means he’d feel at least a partial connection to or comfort with masculinity) and while there are a bunch of labels for this experience of gender (demiboy, bigender, etc etc) i don’t see him as somebody who would use any specific labels, I feel like he’d keep his own experience of his gender fairly private! He’d prefer and be fine with masculine-coded terms of address, and happy enough passing as a guy.

AHH and on names...

I think Kinoe is the only name that I really see as like. a genuine deadname. It’s a name that means “The First” to my understanding, and so like, probably refers to him having the genetics of the first. Therefore, it’s kind of. literally a name referring to him as his biology...boy thats as deadname as it gets, huh? kill that shit and also danzō

Tenzō is also a name thats given to him, but to my understanding (all I know about the anbu arc is picked up thru osmosis lol) it’s a name that’s given to him twice, with affection. Once from Yukimi, who sees him as her brother (not a vessel for the first hokage’s powers, probably for the first time ever—even if it’s still another person’s name) He takes the name, gladly! Unfortunately danzō. anyway,

Later, when he starts to introduce himself to the non-root Anbu as Kinoe, Kakashi cuts him off and names him to the anbu as Tenzō. To my understanding: it’s a name at rest, not a name for one singular mission, but a name for his entire time in Anbu. It’s the name he keeps the longest. Again, it’s a name that’s given to him to him by somebody else, but it’s one that is given with the intention to free him of Kinoe, and all that Kinoe had to be. 

(A note on him getting annoyed with Kakashi for calling him Tenzō in main-plot:

Most of this is of course based off of personal experience, but I find it hard to believe that he would actively dislike Tenzō as a name since it was given with such sweet intentions—most of my names have been gifts, and the only one I’ve actively taken out of rotation has been bc i cannot stand the person who used it, and the way it was used, and while Anbu was certainly bad for Yamato...I don’t think it was quite that bad. I think him telling Kakashi to stop calling him Tenzō has more to do with the use of it where it doesn’t belong—for example, while it’s not exactly a name, I am happy to be called “mokutone” here, and you may notice my friends calling me by another name, but if any of those friends called me mokutone in DMs, I would be bothered by that.)

Yamato starts off as an empty codename, given to him for the purposes of his team 7 mission by the Hokage, but I think it gets such a loving and warm association from just...using out in the sunlight, with these kids that he comes to think so fondly of (he’s such a dad. god. he’s such a fucking dad) and with the friends he makes going out drinking and actually having time to socialize—and that means a lot! I think Yamato is probably the name which becomes most meaningful and like a home to him by the end of the series. This is the active name, the name where he is most himself. It’s vital for him to have that space to grow into! 

But that said, I personally feel like, if he were to continue beyond the edges of the story, this would not be the final name he bears. He’s probably well aware that a single name cannot contain who he is, or who he wants to be, and while being Given a name can be a beautiful thing (like i said, most of my names are gifts! i treasure them.) I think that, for his character arc, I would like him to name himself at some point. Even if it’s a name that only exists for private spaces, I want him to complete that self determination, to at least try it out, even if ultimately Yamato is the name everyone else will know him by.

Physical Transition Stuff

i will confess i hurt to imagine these shinobi binding 😭😭 even if an individual is binding safely (well made binder, no more than 8 hours, AND No Physically Intense Activity) they stand to risk hurting themself! In real life we gotta balance out the physical pain and the pain of dysphoria, but this is naruto and I’m Gonna Play Some Headcanon Games!

If chakra is both a kind of spiritual energy as well as directly connected to the body (as we learned in the hyūga fight) then it stands to reason that by manipulating ones own chakra, they can manipulate the body, or at least the way the body changes (such as naruto’s healing factor) 

This probably is not the safest thing to do unless you’re a mednin or following the directions of one, LMAO

The second the hell of puberty started up for Tenzō he tried to hold it back by sheer force of willpower + chakra manipulation alone 

but, manually controlling one’s chakra is like trying to prevent a stream from flowing with your hands alone, which is to say: an exhausting uphill battle.

 He’d probably only be doing it on his down time and not on a mission, but even still the most I bet he could make it doing that without getting figured out is two months.

Luckily blockers are readily available, Tenzō just had no idea and, gender being a private experience for him, was trying to handle the whole thing entirely on his own. Soon after attempting to self-regulate hormones him-fucking-self like a very valid but desperate fool, he gets an appointment, gets a prescription, and can chill out and not have to be as hellishly aware of his body constantly.

 Konoha mednin will say trans rights even if the village itself is garbage, this series is so god damn weird already, nobody can tell me a ninja taking hormones is somehow weirder than a ninja taking his dead best friends genetic superpower eye.

TWO WEEKS, THREE SPARS, AND ONE VERY EMOTIONALLY DRAINING CONVERSATION LATER:

u might think kakashi is passing him a water bottle and they both look so exhausted bc its post spar but no. physically theyre fine, but the emotional toll of having to talk about something either of them care at all about? miracle they survived.

[aestheticpoems]

“Little Women” is an engaging adaptation of Louisa May Alcott's classic novel that depicts a very heart-warming story of four sisters. It features an amazing ensemble cast, including Saoirse Ronan, Emma Watson, Florence Pugh, Eliza Scanlen, and Timothee Chalamet. Besides the remarkable performance of these actors and actresses, the film has a beautiful artistic style in terms of cinematography and soundtrack. The back-and-forth timeline also signifies the growth of each character throughout the years.

1. Meg March

She was the eldest of the March sisters. As a young lady, she had always been fascinated by luxurious things. But as she matured, she understood that contentment was the key to genuine happiness. I could say that her character taught me so many life lessons. I learned how to be grateful for simple blessings. She made me recognize that real wealth did not lie in money. I appreciated a lifestyle that emphasizes the beauty in simplicity. Indeed, simple living offers numerous benefits to individuals' health, happiness, and life enjoyment.

2. Jo March

She was my favorite character among the March sisters. I was so proud of her when she pursued her passion for writing, instead of marrying someone else. I recognized that women had a hard time speaking their minds during those times but unlike Jo, she wasn't afraid to stand up for women's significant role in society. That's why I adored her dedication and perseverance, insisting on living a meaningful life. She also inspired me to fulfill my dream as a good writer.

3. Beth March

She was the most relatable character among the March sisters. I felt so connected to her personality and interests. Like her, I was an introverted person who achieves enthusiasm by spending time alone. I always preferred staying inside the house instead of having a social life. Moreover, I discovered that she was fond of singing and playing the piano. In this matter, we had similarities because I also loved singing but I didn't know how to play any kind of instrument. Music had always been an important part of my life too.

4. Amy March

She was the youngest of the March sisters. To be honest, my impression of her character was a combination of love and hate. I disliked her for being selfish and ambitious but at the same time, I admired her for being artistic and realistic. She took everything upon herself to provide for her family instead of going after her dreams. Although she was so immature during her childhood days, it was proven that she had a lot of character development as an adult.

I admired the love story of John and Meg from the beginning until the end of the film. They made me realize that marriage wasn't always easy but it's well worth fighting for. It was inevitable that all couples had ups and downs. However, they proved that good communication serves as an effective way of having healthy relationships. It allowed both parties to develop trust and respect as well as to attain a clearer understanding of each other's point of view. Hence, I believed that love was the greatest force in the universe.

The long-lasting friendship between Laurie and Jo was incredibly beautiful. Honestly, I cried my heart out when they didn't end up together. I would never deny that I wished for them to be a couple. Nonetheless, I felt so relieved when Jo rejected Laurie's proposal since I had so many realizations after analyzing their conversation. She always knew he secretly loved her. That's why she always hoped that he wouldn't bring it up. I felt like she tried to love him back but still, she failed. I believed they were meant to be platonic soulmates, not to be romantic lovers.

From my own perspective, the relationship between Laurie and Amy was a little bit rushed. I wished I had gotten to see more of their love story. It seemed like Laurie only shifted his love from Jo to Amy since he wanted to be married to one of the March sisters. Laurie's feelings for Amy would be more convincing if he had more interactions with her than Jo. Nevertheless, they were probably destined to fall in love with each other.

Based on my interpretation, Friedrich and Jo never got married. It was only a depiction of the ending of her book, not her real life. However, I enjoyed the chemistry between them. I couldn't stop myself from laughing when Friedrich roasted Jo about her writing style but at the same time, I found them adorable together. I was so glad because she had finally found a man who supports her passion for writing.

Beth's death was the most heartbreaking part of the story. In this version, the bond between Jo and Beth felt stronger to me. I would never forget when they went on a trip to the seashore, hoping the fresh air would help Beth get better. I truly admired Jo for taking care of her without any complaints. They made me recognize that sisters would always be connected by the heart. Indeed, nothing in this world could underestimate the power of sisterhood.

As a woman, I appreciate the empowering central message of the film. It highlights a lot of influential things such as family, marriage, friendship, morality, independence, and women's rights. Furthermore, it celebrates the hearts, minds, and souls of women during those times. I truly adore how the four sisters embrace their femininity by recognizing their intrinsic strengths and taking responsibility for their dreams.

[cancerjupiter]

astro notes: neptune edition (pt. 2)

neptune represents issues which are frequently unconscious, so all of this may operate without your awareness. if projected, the negative aspects of neptune become more emphasised. the more you reject it in your own life, the more likely it is that you’ll meet it in exaggerated ways outside yourself.

neptune in the 7th house

this is another loaded placement; you are likely to encounter difficulties in the area of personal relationships. there are many manifestations of this placement: you may look for a savior to ease the feelings of loneliness and isolation rather than taking responsibility by becoming your own person, you might wish to merge with your partner. if you become too dependent on anyone, they’re going to let you down one way or another. the alternative manifestation is you playing savior to your partner. hence, the reputation of this placement as a magnet to victim types (negatively: drug addicts, unstable people w a shady/difficult past, “artists”, wannabe geniuses and prophets, etc) who need a lot of mothering and cleaning up after.

wherever neptune is placed in the chart, a lot is asked of us. you often give a lot in relationships - often sacrificing things for the sake of your partner. some of you exhibit a kind of selfless, saintly love worthy of true respect, but this can easily turn into letting yourself being walked over as if you have no rights in the relationship. there is a fine line between authentic selflessness and tolerance and just being a doormat. your often idealized romantic notion of what a relationship looks like doesn’t consider the hard work that must be put into it. the yearning for perfection in your partner + the relationship actually makes you very difficult people to live with. unconsciously, you can be very critical and judgemental about the other’s flaws or whatever element they have that doesn’t match your notion of Love. soulmates can still argue about the way the other squeezes the toothpaste tube, it doesn’t mean the love isn’t very much real. ultimately, this planet should represent a non-attached love, a love that doesn’t cling or swallow up any of the people involved. somewhere between demanding others adjust to you, or always adjusting yourselves to others, is the kind of envisioned neptunian love.

neptune in the 8th house

if neptune can’t be at home (12th house) then his next favorite house is that of his bestie, pluto (8th). neptune’s major thrust is the loss of boundaries - what better place to lose them than in the house of sex, sharing and intimacy?

sex is often symbolic in this position; rather than just being enjoyed for its sake, it is the means to alleviate psychological pressures and concerns. sex is also a way of merging with others, hence transcending the means of oneself. i’ve noticed physical intimacy is also an escape from loneliness, and the promiscuity associated w this placement comes from this. some may feel that giving themselves sexually is also a way of serving. this placement is also present in people confused about their sexual identities. neptune is so diffuse and adaptable, so fluid and shapeless, that they have difficulty knowing what they really want. conversely, problematic aspects to saturn may suggest a fear of letting go - a tension between holding on and letting go (abstaining from sex altogether). my friend with this placement told me she always fantasizes about people she isn’t with rather than her girlfriend. neptune is never content with what it has. besides, if you know someone too well, their alien magnetism eventually wears out.

there may be complications and strange circumstances in the area of the partner’s money and joint finances. economic losses and gains will have a significant psychological impact, and could ultimately stop you from finding security inwardly rather than on the material world. in any case, you should seek advice for making financial investments. depending on the aspects, non-material forces can operate constructively or destructively within you. positively, you’ll receive guidance and inspiration as if out of nowhere and are well advised to keep up a dream diary, for they may prove significant to whatever you’re going through. you may serve as a source of comfort and inspiration for others who are going through crisis (david bowie, malcolm x, simone de beauvoir, etc); negatively, you may feel possessed - as if you’ve been taken over by something powerful outside yourself. you may receive misleading guidance from other dimension.

since neptune wants to go Home and the 8th house is the house of Death, some people w this placement may entertain self-destructive fantasies when life gets too tough. unless neptune has harsh aspects to saturn, there isn’t a fear of death, since the desire to transcend worlds is so strong.

neptune in the 9th house

both neptune and the 9th house have a tendency to need the “right” answer, there’s a possibility for an enduring search for The Truth (think Mulder from the x-files). both are mutable and connected to faith and beliefs. both are haunted by the need for perfection due to unrealistic expectations. neither is noted for common sense or doing anything half-assed. the thing is, this placement will tend to overemphasise whatever issues are valued to you. naturally, pisces (neptune) is square sagittarius (9th house), indicating some conflict to be resolved. neptune in the 9th is also a mix of fire and water, giving it a great emotional intensity.

there’s two types of you: those who will lean towards the 9th house and say the truth no matter who gets hurt; and those who follow neptune and choose to lie to protect others’ feelings. you’re pulled in both directions and will need to find a middle ground to satisfy your need for truth and others at the same time. if you don’t, explosions of repressed feelings will occur that will seem OOC for the people around you. you also must be wary of your expectations with education; being educated about everything won’t fulfill every need in you.

balance is an important lesson for you. you always want to go overboard w the next big idea; the challenge is to act on them practically and without dangerous disruptions in other areas of your life. examine your personal beliefs, conscious and unconscious. clarify your expectations about truth, philosophy and the meaning of life.

neptune in the 10th house

positively, someone with this placement can be drawn into a deeply spiritual or creative career, or maybe something to do with counseling. you’ll be inclined to dedicate a great deal of time and energy to said career because it provides you with an enormous sense of fulfillment that you don’t find in other areas of life. you might as well revolve your life around your job. that’s fine, as long as you stay aware of your choice and make the effort to cultivate some personal relationships and outside interests. you tend to be happiest when working - with something you love, obviously. you may feel a responsibility to contribute something meaningful to the world, whether in terms of helping others or creatively. that’s great, but you’ll also feel your work is just that, a contribution - a piece in the grand scheme of things.

you’ll be a great deal happier when employed, but you also need to feel you’re improving; you’re ambitious, whether or not you’re aware of it. you always have an eye in the possibility of promotion, for the 10th house is not only about a career but to success defined in worldly terms. this means an unconscious need to gain more and more, in position, status and salary. if this remains unconscious, you might let it take over your life. few people find lifetime satisfaction within a career unless it’s spiritual, educational or creative. 

negatively, this placement finds people who can’t find satisfaction anywhere outside their job. such person lives for her job, and expects it to provide for all needs: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. they may expect the job itself to be perfect, and be miserable when it’s not. another negative expression is the indecision regarding a career, not being able to truly commit to anything. you want something big and important, something perfect (ps: it doesn’t exist), something better and of more help to humanity than anyone else has come up with. yet you often expect to accomplish this without any training or effort.

this placement might also refer to the father (10th house = saturn): you might think the world of your dad and wish to be like him or, negatively, you may have expected him to be perfect. some of you might have him on a pedestal and not accept the idea of him being less than perfect. or he might’ve been a strange figure; he might’ve been withdrawn, either a victim or simply a loner. he may have died or left your life altogether, leaving you with a fantasy figure, a father who only exists in your mind. you’ll benefit greatly by examining your beliefs about his importance in your life. you might avoid thinking of him altogether and the same is true of your career: you might expect far too much or deny its importance.

neptune in the 11th house

this placement inspires a natural caring for others and immediate feeling of bonding and solidarity with those with whom wer share this planet. many have an utopian visions and will join groups that promote humanitarian or social causes. you feel the need to participate w other in bringing their idea of good into the world. you’ll likely fight for the underdog. if some segment of society is mistreated, you feel it as if it were happening to you. some might be more attracted to artistic or spiritual groups. if neptune has hard aspects, your group might have big ideas but never bring them to fruition.

in less politically minded people, group activities can simply be a way of escaping routine. you could lose yourselves in a social whirl, seeking ever more interesting friends and parties. if neptune is badly aspected, there could be disillusionment or deception through friendships. you easily feel your friendship ideals are being betrayed. some may even manipulate friends by making them feel sorry for you. another manifestation of this placement is that your friends carry the neptunian projection: you might find yourself drawn to artists, healers, romantic daydreamers, or just losers lmao.

neptune in the 12th house

ahh, neptune at home. this can be a double dose of either comfort or dissatisfaction. the hardest part of this placement is the lack of consciousness about itself and how it operates. what works from the unconscious has far more power to affect us than we think. 

it might be difficult for you to think about your own values; they’re so unquestioned as to be beyond challenge. you think they simply are what they are, and resist any categorisation or definition. you can’t separate yourself from them. with neptune here, you’re less connected to the material world than others, more in tune with the spiritual one. you could well have psychic abilities. you never fully embrace “reality” because you’re aware, if only barely, that the universe encompasses so much more than our minds can handle. the danger is that you’ll come to this conclusion before developing any ego strenght. with ego strenght, you honor yourself as well as your vision; without it you’ll tend to be overwhelmed and easily terrified.

with neptune in the 12th, you need to take a long hard look at your tendency to idealise peace, universal love, sacrifice and service, art and music, and the spiritual path. this placement isn’t a problem by itself, unless there’s other contradicting placements or bad aspects. if nothing is repressed or ignored, it’s actually a fantastic gift. the main problem is the aforementioned lack of awaress of what your values mean and how they affect the quality of your life. my friend with this placement feels that death is simply another step of growth for the soul; of course she grieves, but she tends to think everything happens for a reason. i deeply admire her ability to live in touch with both the material and spiritual world.

[softsebnbuckystan]

Soul ties - Part 6 (Bucky Barnes au)

"Hold, hold on, hold onto me

'Cause I'm a little unsteady"

Word count : 2061

Sleep didn't seem to come to you that night, and you didn't know whether the reason was the pizza you'd had for dinner, your husband's obvious neglect or your supposed soulmate sleeping in the same building. After tossing and turning in your bed for over three hours, you grabbed a pillow and a plaid, put on your slippers and went into the main kitchen. A herbal tea under the stars should  be a good way to help you sleep, right? You tried to stay as silent as you  could despite the boiling water in the kettle – you always refused to microwave water – and picked some chamomile infusion Wanda had chosen. With your cup in one  hand, you opened the picture window. One thing you liked about the compound was the few balconies it had : they weren't too big, but they were large enough for you to sit on a pillow and look at the stars, your back against the wall. You were once again trying to spot constellations,  the August sky being perfect for this kind of exercise.

"Can't sleep?"

You almost spilled your tea on your plaid.

"Sorry I scared you."

You smiled weakly at the man who'd just joined you. "It's fine. Wanna sit here with a fellow insomniac?"

Bucky ran a hand through his hair before sitting on your left. His right arm brushed against your exposed skin and you tried to hide your shivers.

"What's keeping you up?" You ask. "I mean,  you obviously don't have to tell me."

"Nothing much. Some nightmares."

"Are they ones about...about the war?"  Your question startled him ; he shot you a  confused look as you lowered yours. "Sorry. Steve told me a few times about his best friend Bucky and I... I made the connection."

"I thought Steve avoided talking about those things."

"What? The way he lost you?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry, that was tactless."

"Don't worry about that." He looked at the sky, leaning his head against the wall. "Wanna tell me what's keeping you up?"

"Well, it's quite ridiculous really," you eluded.

"Steve told me why you're spending time here. Is it him that keeps you up at night?"

You sipped on your tea for a few seconds. "I guess so. It's just that I keep thinking about what I'm doing wrong, you know? I must be doing something wrong."

You heard him take a breath, his shoulders raising with his chest. His arm against yours felt strange, in a good kind of way. You'd never felt so close to anyone in such a short amount  of time, and you wondered what made him so special aside from the meaningful tattoo you shared.

"I don't think you're to blame. Can I be honest?"

"Sure."

"I'm sorry if I seem out of place, because we only met a week ago but..."

"You feel like I get you, right? Just  like I feel that you get me."

He nodded calmly. "He doesn't seem to realise who he was lucky enough to marry."

"Lucky, huh?"

You looked at him with a smile and had it not been so dark, you could've sworn a red tint had reached his cheeks. "You're hella smart," he explained. "And from what I've seen, you're kind."

"And you think that after two days with me?"

He shrugged and allowed himself a quiet laugh. "You let Sam get the last piece of pizza earlier. I would have never done that."

"True. That is my most selfless act ever." Jumping on his joke felt natural and as it turned out, he had a communicative laugh.

"Why  don't you laugh more often? I like it."

Bucky looked you  in the eyes, paralysing you with his blue pupils again. It seemed as if he was searching for what to say.

"There aren't a lot of things that make me laugh. You do, though."  This one didn't sound like a joke, and you placed your hand on his forearm, instantly sending a funny feeling down to your stomach.

"Consider me flattered," you said. "Can I ask you a question? Don't feel like you're forced to answer, though."

"Sure."

"I'm just curious, working in biochem and stuff... I'm basically the school nurse for theses guys," you explained. "So how does it feel, the metal arm? Do you...feel things the way you do with your right arm?"

He stopped for a moment. "I did not expect that question. That's a good surprise." He raised his left hand in front of him. "It's weird, actually. This one is really advanced. Shuri did an amazing job with it, but... sometimes I'll touch something and think I feel something. I know it's my brain playing tricks on me, but it's not that sentient. I feel pressure, tension...but not actual human sensations." He let his hand fall down on his knees.

"Do you miss it?"

"I got used to it. But yeah."

"Okay, close your eyes."

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Y/n, we met last week."

"I know! But like, it's not a 'do you trust me with your life' situation. Think of it as 'do you trust me with basic skills' kind of thing." You chuckled. "Now close your eyes."

Bucky gave in and you gently grabbed his metal hand. "What do you feel now?" you asked,  stroking the back of his hand.

"I know there's something on my hand. And I know it's harmless. But...nothing more, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's part of you."

"And you don't mind that?"

"Why would I?" you shrugged. "It's you."

"Even if I were to do this?" He slowly raised his hand, approaching your face. You let him place his hand on your cheek. It didn't feel like flesh and bone, but it still felt right.

"Yes, even then." You held up his gaze, searching those blue eyes for any sign. Signs of what exactly, you didn't know yet. All you wanted was to stare into them forever, never leave this state of mind.

When Bucky's hand fell down your shoulder and kept running down your arm,  a thousand shivers ran down your spine. You couldn't – shouldn't – feel this way. You were married now, and doing this... To prevent  you from doing anything stupid, you looked away and leaned back against the wall. Getting away from him still was out of your league, though ; you settled for resting your head on his shoulder and spread your plaid over both your bodies. It might've been because nights were fresh, even in August, but it was mostly to make sure you were as close to him as you could be. Before falling asleep, the last thing you felt was Bucky's head letting itself fall on top of yours.

---

"Hey, you need to wake up."

The morning sun made you blink and you felt something on your thigh. Lowering your gaze, you noticed Bucky's hand. You tried not to freak out and looked up at whoever had spoken : Steve. Bucky shifted next to you, woken up by Steve's words  as well.

"What's going on?" you asked. Steve might have been the best at hiding concern, he couldn't always hide it from you.

He sighed. "Darren's here."

"Shit." You got up more abruptly than you should've, causing you to lean on Steve's shoulder for a second. "Where is he?"

"Right here."

You turned around, seeing Darren standing in the doorframe. Well, that was unfortunate. You thought you should've been feeling some sort of guilt after being found in another man's arms – technically ; all you felt was anger. You were angry that he'd showed up after standing you  up last night, you were angry about the neglect and his overall lack of care.

"What are you doing here?" you asked sharply.

"Bringing you home. Why didn't you come back?" His arms were crossed over his chest and he shot Bucky a furious look. "And why were you sleeping outside with this guy?"

Rubbing your forehead, you gestured towards Steve and Bucky.  "Could you guys leave us a minute, please?"

Even though Steve nodded and walked back inside, Bucky seemed unsure about  leaving you alone with your husband. You gave him a brief smile and he took the hint.  As you closed the door behind him to have some privacy – the door was made of glass, but oh well –, Darren started pacing.

"Did you cheat on me last night?"

"What the hell?" You  couldn't believe your ears. "You're kidding, right? You stood. Me. Up. You didn't even bother telling me in advance that you'd go at Brad's, and you didn't even come home. Didn't you think I was tired of being alone every night?"

"You're never alone."

"Damn it, Darren,  you came home past dinner every day since we got married! We should be on our honeymoon right now, and yet you don't even bother kissing me goodnight."

"That's all this is about? I work a little too much and you go away to your so-called family?" He'd stopped pacing and raised an eyebrow, proud of his innuendo. His insinuating Steve and the gang weren't your family made your blood boil.

"So-called? So-called, Darren? I love these people. They are my family and they've been more present for me today than you have in a week. What did you expect? That I would happily ask to be invited at Brad's, when I clearly am not welcome there?"

"You are welcome, what the hell are you talking about?"

"They don't like me, and you know that very well." You looked at the ground. You might've been angry, but never being able to fit in within Darren's social circle had always hurt you.

"Maybe you're not trying hard enough."

No words came out of your mouth. How could you say anything to that? This was the ultimate insult. You had given so much to this relationship that you'd never even thought that 'not trying hard enough' could've been  the reason they  disliked you. First dinner with them, Brad's wife had made fun of what was left of your Sokovian accent, asking Darren if he wanted you to help you get a green card. Of course you'd called her out on her racism. She got upset, but was it your fault? No. During a night out, Brad had been too handsy with you and when telling Darren about it, he'd told you that you were reading too into it, that he was just being friendly. They weren't good people, and you'd always wondered why Darren bothered hanging out with them.

"That's it, go away." You let out an exasperated sigh, opening the door. "You're going to leave the compound to go home and calm down. Maybe I'll be back in a few days."

"I'm not going anywhere without you." That could've sounded romantic. In his mouth, it sounded more like a threat.

"Hell yeah, you are. Now go. My birthday is in three days, and I don't want you to be like this then."

"Right, your birthday. Don't count on me to celebrate it if you don't bother coming home."

You closed your eyes for a moment before gesturing him to leave. He ultimately walked through the glass door and you saw him make eye-contact with Wanda on his way out. You knew she was trying hard not to throw him against a wall or something. You ran your hand through your hair, taking in what had just occurred. You knew Darren would feel better the next day and that it would be like nothing ever happened. You just weren't sure anymore whether it was a good thing or not.

"Don't worry, you can stay here longer," you heard Steve say.

"You're better off with us anyway," Wanda told you.

"You know he's-"

"Please, don't defend him," your sister pleaded. "He's not treating you right and you know it. He hasn't for years. Why are you-"

"Wanda, please. Not here."

You looked at Bucky out of the corner of your eye ; you didn't want to have that conversation in front of him, for some reason. Maybe deep down, you knew he'd side with Wanda. Having your sister call you out was hard enough ; you didn't need your soulmate to start doing it as well.

--- I just finished part 9 so I'm posting part 6 because I can't wait to have your opinion on this one!! Don't forget you can message me anytime to be added to the tag list :)

Tag list :

@ginger-swag-rapunzel @joscelyn02

[a-lil-perspective]

I have been silent for some time now. I have refrained from exhibiting any plaguing thoughts that might warrant me the label of “that person”, but I’m at the point where I’ve had my fill.

Ramble under the cut so as to not... offend or inconvenience anyone. There’s absolutely no obligation to read this. It’s Tumblr. You can block/ignore me. The option to do so is readily accessible.

I’ve been a Bad Batch fan since day one. While I didn’t start creating that very same day, it was relatively close. Point being, I’m a long-time dedicated fan. As the premiere to their series draws closer, I feel like there is going to be a great shift, rift here. That being said, I figured now is as good a time as any to make this post.

I love those boys beyond words. They’ve been the one constant in my life amidst a rapid and debilitating change. I love getting to give them life, even if my interpretations aren’t the most accurate.

Yes, I am a new Writer and yes, I am new to Tumblr, as I am sure both of those things are painfully apparent.

I get that it is impossible to please everyone. It’s something I’m learning more and more with each passing day. It’s something that gets harder to swallow, even more so.

I’d like to say that being here has been a largely positive experience, with all of these great connections and opportunities. But honestly? It’s been more isolating than anything. I’ve actually never felt more isolated than since I joined a year ago.

As a content creator or even just a general blogger, I don’t ask for much. I don’t ask for anything, in fact. I consider myself very low maintenance. I don’t demand/harass/play the martyr for reblogs. I have never mentioned it once, and never will. Some people on here are so damn passive-aggressive about it, and quite frankly, it’s embarrassing. It’s very stigmatizing. While I completely understand the frustration surrounding the like-to-reblog ratio, I think it’s neither tasteful nor reputable to threaten to call people out for not reblogging your fics. I wish I could say I was joking on that one. But I’ve seen it profoundly. Not cool.

And yet, no one says anything or raises any concern there.

Yet I make metas, harmless rambles, and I get shot down? Seriously?

—I need to “chill”, it’s “overkill”, I’m “overthinking”. I and my content are apparently just so damn arduous to interact with.

If you don’t like me, please just move on. There are plenty of other Bad Batch creators for you to enjoy. You know that. My work is absolutely not the final say, and I’ve never claimed it to be.

What is so wrong, with sharing one’s thoughts? Why do people inherently have a problem with other’s creative efforts? I see it time over again. Why do I feel like if I was making a bunch of smutty posts it wouldn’t be as much of a problem, that it in fact would be infinitely more welcome? (Absolutely NO shade to people who create smut, okay? I’ve made my own share. I admire those bold enough to do so regularly. I absolutely love them. Please teach me your ways).

This ramble really has nothing to do with the most recent event regarding my contributions. Rather, it’s a culmination of experiences over the past several months that have brewed and festered to the point where I can no longer keep downplaying it.

Social media, at its core, is one big popularity contest. It always has been, it always will be. But I’m not here to win. That’s never been my objective. That’s not what I’m about. Surprise (or not), I am not a popular blog. Not by a long shot. I’ll never claim otherwise.

I don’t ask people to view/interact with my content, I’m not an activist, I can’t even fathom exuding that kind of confidence. Even though I, admittedly, crave it. I suspect I crave interaction as much as the next creator. It’s a nice feeling. Yet there’s never been any obligation for it, especially with me, so I don’t understand what the problem is. As I’ve said, there are ample ways for you to block/avoid me. It’s the internet. In this day and age, there’s no excuse for viewing anything you don’t want to.

I came here in the hopes of finding like-minded individuals, uplifting and interacting, and exercising some otherwise stunted creativity.

All Tumblr as taught me is that creating and contributing is largely a thankless, empty endeavor. You can give and give and give and be reduced to nothing. There’s a profound imbalance between “giving” and “receiving”, and in regards to both ends of the scale, it’s became apparent to me that if you don’t cater heavily and in unreasonable degrees or get “noticed” by a popular blog, you get nothing, and your efforts are null and void.

Truthfully? I constantly feel like I walk on eggshells here, and it’s all I can do to not crack under the pressure, even though it’s my blog and my headspace. I should feel comfortable and free to express myself here, and I don’t, and I’m unsure of how to achieve that sense of stability. To be completely honestly I feel like a constant bother and a nuisance. When I post, I literally feel like there is a collective eye-roll that comes with people receiving a notification from my blog. Even though I know, rationally, that can’t be true, that’s an absurd level of thinking. I can’t say I can pinpoint exactly where it stems from.

But regardless: I hardly ever talk about/create the things I actually want. I only recently just got ballsy enough to share some metas, and we all know how well that’s going. I try not to have smut out of respect for my asexual/minor mutuals, even though the tag to blacklist is very much an option. I try not to bring up conflicting topics, Tumblr, political, or otherwise, even though with proper tagging I could. But I try not to even bring that into existence. Even though it’s my right to, I don’t.

I don’t actually feel like I fit into any narrative here, especially in the Bad Batch fandom; even though we are all basically the same steadfast group of bloggers. We all know who we are. We all coexist in the same space. It’s nearly impossible to be unaware of each other, at this point.

And yet, I’m not in a bunch of Discord servers or backed by a team of beta readers and all that jazz. It’s basically just me talking to myself out here. It’s very isolating.

Part of that—most of it—is my own crippling social anxiety, and the genuine belief that I don’t deserve to be in the same space/servers as all of these brilliant creators. Because I’m just me, and there’s not a whole lot of value there. With that mindset, it’s hard to actually feel like I belong anywhere. I know that is a mindset I have to conquer alone.

My excitement over my creations has largely dwindled into nothing. I seldom ever bounce my ideas off of others—another issue that stems from the fear of presenting as a burden—and even though I try to write for myself, even that fire has pretty much died out. I’m not even sure how or if I could even reignite it, at this point. It’s really quite sad. It makes me very sad, actually. All I wanted was to safely ramble, project all my thoughts and creativity that has otherwise been repressed through prolonged detrimental circumstances.

More than anything, I wanted to find and hold onto something that makes me feel useful, meaningful, happy. More and more I wonder if that’s even possible. I don’t think it is, not here. I often wonder if joining and sharing on Tumblr was a horrible mistake. I miss the innocent joy of when I first started creating. It was so simple. I’m trying to find that simplicity again.

But I’m burned out. I’m running on fumes. I have been for some time.

At this point it goes beyond just “taking a break” from Tumblr. It’s the fact that it all feels like this meaningless, monotonous cycle. I wonder every day if I am an isolated case in experiencing these emotions.

And yet, come tomorrow I will still be here, business as usual.

I’m not asking for sympathy or playing the victim or attacking anyone or trying to guilt-trip into more interaction. I am very aware of my shortcomings and incorrect mindsets. I’m just trying to make sense of it all. I feel very disconnected from everyone here and it’s lonely. This took a lot for me to share. I will most likely delete this because anxiety will eat me up, as it does with everything I post. Yes, everything.

[swiftgronmasterpost]

Late Stage Swiftgron Part 1

Update from November 2021 - I really don’t believe much of this is meaningful at all.  I don’t think they’re sitting around referencing one another on social media or anything but some of Dianna’s interactions with Karlie are interesting Dianna shows up explicitly in Taylor’s life a couple more times so I’m leaving these sections here.;

From here on out everything but the 2014 AMAs and Dianna’s somewhat shocking appearance at Taylor’s 2019 SNL performance are just odd social media shenanigans (or subtweets) between the two, and Taylor appearing to release at least one more song about Dianna (Babe in 2018) (and let’s be honest you can make a strong argument for The 1 being about Dianna as well other post 1989 songs.)

Some of this might be complete crack or coincidence but as you all know I want this to be the most thorough Swiftgron document possible.  

If anything it proves they both certainly still have similar interests and they really do seem to be in touch.

There are some interactions claimed by others to be Swiftgron related that I’m not going to include because they’re just a bit too reachy for me (though I completely support the theorizing!) but in general, if I personally can see the hint of a Swiftgron connection, I’m going to include it here. Draw your own conclusions and take everything, particularly the alleged subtweets/social media shenanigans, with a grain of salt.

And yes there’s tons of Kaylor and other Gaylor/Gaygron content that will be left out of this segment because this masterpost is focused on Swiftgron.  Someday it would be cool to make a giant masterpost/timeline that documents all of it, but for now it’s just going to be Swiftgron stuff. August 26, 2014 - Dianna tweets, and then deletes “Withdrawals, clearly…we had fun.” 

There’s no screen shot of this tweet but some retweets/responses of it remain:

If Dianna is indeed referencing the song Clean (in which their relationship is compared to an addiction hence, “withdrawals” from it) then Taylor would have had to give her advanced knowledge of the song since 1989 did not come out until October 2014.

Taylor did claim she ran 1989 by the muse that inspired it and they were both in LA in late August 2014. Maybe this is when.

November 1, 2014 - Taylor posts about Clean

November 19, 2014 - The 2014 AMAs Kaylorgron Explosion Extravaganza:

Taylor, Karlie, and Dianna are at the event.  Taylor and Karlie are clearly on a date and Dianna is there to present Sam Smith’s performance of I’m not the only one.  Dianna seems a bit out of her element/gloomy when interviewed on the red carpet and Taylor flexes Karlie hard, dancing with her throughout the night and even sitting on her lap during an interview.

Click here for photos, video, gifs, and a live L chat reaction to the night.

December 28, 2014 - The writer for the tv show The Originals, Carina Mackenzie, tweeted that 1989 was about Dianna:

It’s of course notable that someone in the industry is “confirming” Swiftgron on main (particularly before gaylor went mainstream with Kaylor being so obvious in 2015/2016) however what’s even more interesting and notable about this tweet is that an actor named Michael Trevino was on the show The Originals and he dated Jenna Ushkowitz from 2011-2014.

Not only that but Michael was at Dianna’s 26th birthday when Taylor was in attendance as well.

It’s possible that Michael witnessed Swiftgron in real life and spilled a bit to the writer of the TV show he was on.

January 5, 2015 - Taylor likes a Swiftgron related post on Tumblr of Dianna saying she’d go on the road with Taylor and carry her bags at the Giffoni Film Festival in 2012:

February 9, 2015 - Style is released as a single

February 13, 2015 - The Kaylor “Best Friends” on a road trip Vogue Spread comes out.  You’re probably familiar with it but if you aren’t google it.  It’s incredibly romantic and pda filled.

The Style music video is released on this day as well.

We don’t have to go through the whole video but one egg I just have to note is the cave pictured in the MV is in Morocco the same country Dianna seemed to flee to after Swiftgron was outed:

February 14, 2015 - Dianna tweets 143 remember those days (for some reason it has not been deleted) seemingly in response to the Kaylor vogue shoot:

143 is a code that means “I love you” that originated from Mister Rogers.  Both Taylor and Dianna have publicly shown that they are fans of his.  Taylor has even made certain songs 3 minutes and 41 seconds long seemingly referring to this number and wore a Mister Rogers pin on a jacket for a photoshoot once.

Here’s a bit more in depth analysis on the significance of the 143 post.

This tweet is how we know that it is 100% in Dianna’s character to occasionally subtweet Taylor and why a lot of this social media analysis has been done.  

February 16, 2015 - Just two days later Dianna attends a fashion show in which Karlie walks and is noted to “have kept a smirk on her face” during.  Dianna doesn’t clap at the end of the show and looks miserable in photos of the event:

February 17, 2015 - Taylor releases Wonderland

I’m going to pause here and discuss the song Wonderland for a brief moment because it is some of the most incredibly airtight evidence for Swiftgron available.

Dianna’s favorite book of all time is Alice in Wonderland.  She brought it up in interviews all the time, tweeted about it, auctioned off a signed copy of it for charity, her private Tumblr and instagram account are called whosirmesir which is a reference to it, her private Tumblr is filled with reblogs about Alice, and her public Tumblr was called fell down the rabbit hole.

So the fact that Taylor writes an entire song describing a relationship through the lens of and packing full of references to Alice in Wonderland is incredibly interesting.

Let’s take a look at some of these lyrics:

Flashing lights and we, took a wrong turn and we Fell down the rabbit hole (literally Dianna’s tumblr name and url)

Didn't you flash your green eyes at me (Dianna is famous for her beautiful almost hypnotic green eyes and yes they are green)

Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds (queer coded)

Too in love to think straight (queer coded)

But there were strangers watching And whispers turned to talking And talking turned to screams (seems to reference when they were outed) You searched the world for something else (Dianna very publicly went travelling around the world right after April 2013 when they seem to break up)

Taylor literally put Dianna’s Tumblr URL in the song.  Frankly I’m kind of shocked she released this song at all it is so obviously and clearly about Dianna.  Truly a Swiftgron anthem!

Back to the timeline...

March 8, 2015 - Taylor posts Flamingos for her dad’s birthday:

The caption was “Happy Birthday, Dad. Thanks for all the unconditional love, sarcastic comments, and interesting Christmas presents.”

May 1, 2015 - Dianna posts a flamingo for her birthday (post is now deleted):

The caption was “This is 29. Spoiled rotten. Funny enough, at work they were painting the hallways white and the roses (hallway doors) red, then I actually went to Wonderland (@AliceUnderLdn) and came home to a surprise flamingo. Here we go. Another year around the sun…feeling lucky and loved and loved and lucky.”

Taylor also gave Emily, another rumored ex, a flamingo bandana for her birthday.  i also think it’s odd that Dianna mentions Wonderland specifically in the post.

January 15, 2016 - Dianna’s engagement to Winston is announced and Kaylors notice Taylor is liking sad posts on Tumblr including several posts related to Clean:

November 7, 2016 - Lorde’s birthday party where Kaylor is together in public for the last time for 20 months.

January 5, 2017 - Claire (who is still very close with Taylor) comments on one of Dianna’s Instagram posts):

March 2, 2017 - Dianna posts her James Dean inStyle UK photo to Instagram:

This is actually the second time she has posted this as a throwback photo.  She also posted it on February 4, 2016 with simply the caption “TBT” and did not include the “rebel without a clue” bit which is a reference to James Dean (Rebel Without a Cause). She’s never posted the same TBT photo twice before or after this (as of the writing of this post in October 2020).

It I may be permitted to go real far out on a limb here it’s almost as if she wanted people to connect that photo of her in the UK InStyle magazine to James Dean.  James Dean is of course the way Taylor describes her lover in the song Style.  

At any rate it’s very odd that it’s the only photo she’s posted twice whether it’s related to Taylor or not.

April 25, 2017 - Fans notice Dianna is having her script tattoo removed:

This is significant because a part of the tattoo was dedicated to Alice in Wonderland - it said “We’re all mad here” 

Tattoo removal is a years long process:

So it’s possible she started getting it removed around the time that Wonderland came out.

It’s also possible part of the tattoo was dedicated to Lea (the part that said “here I am”) so this whole removal situation is very interesting.

In 2019 she was still getting it removed and commented this at a Cafe Carlyle session:

"i was like i don't know i wanna explain all my tattoos or the one that i'm getting removed on my side...you know you're like...WHATEVER we're stopping we're moving on"

February 13, 2018 - Dianna attends the Carolina Herrera fashion show, so does Karlie. Dianna is introduced to Karlie by Derek Blasberg and very audibly calls Karlie “gorgeoouusss” as they meet. 

Kayda play “Gorgeous” by Taylor Swift.

Click here to keep reading!

[johannas-motivational-insults]

“Friendship” in the Horde

Season 4 raised some interesting questions about how people who grew up in the Horde define friendship. Kyle claimed that his squadmates were his friends, despite how we've seen them bully him, and Scorpia admitted she didn’t even know how to be a good friend. We also saw further developments in Catra and Lonnie’s dynamic that have some interesting implications about their bond, both past and present. However, while these themes became more explicit this season, they are hardly new. The Horde worldbuilding is really quite brilliant, as the writers have been laying the foundation for these revelations by showcasing certain patterns since season one.

This got a little lengthy on me, but there was a lot to consider. The lack of healthy emotional expression and relationship modelling is one obvious problem in the Horde, but the hostile environment has also led to some very specific power dynamics and social structures. These structures, while potentially helpful in hostile environments, are maladaptive in terms of fostering healthy relationships. Ultimately, every character who grew up in the Horde is emotionally crippled. (I’m not even going into Adora, an excellent example, because her repression and communication problems are well-documented and I wanted to focus on characters still in this environment.)

Scorpia

Let’s start with Scorpia. Her revelation that she doesn’t understand what friendship is was a big moment for her, but for those of us who have been watching closely, it’s no big surprise. Scorpia was so desperate for a meaningful connection that she latched onto the first person who showed any signs of considering her a friend, ignoring all the red flags indicating that the relationship was not healthy. Actually, she didn’t ignore them so much as not recognize them, because she didn’t even know what a healthy relationship looks like. To her, the fact that Catra invited her to her room and chose her to accompany her on a mission was enough for her to dub them the Superpal Duo.

Of course, we all know how that went for her. She continued to support Catra unconditionally despite the latter’s tendency to use Scorpia as her emotional punching bag. They did settle into a somewhat more reciprocal and caring relationship after Scorpia saved Catra against her orders during 2x05, proving that Catra was more important to her than the mission (even if that wasn’t what Catra thought she wanted). It’s sad when you think about it, because that was probably the first time Catra ever experienced her wellbeing being prioritized above all else.

Unfortunately, the revelation that Shadow Weaver had gone running back to Adora after betraying her triggered a trauma response and made her clam up again, lashing out at Scorpia and shutting her out even though she had done nothing to betray her trust. It took Catra blatantly attacking and insulting Scorpia when she failed to bring back Entrapta’s recordings (and some well timed reality checks from Emily) for Scorpia to realize that Catra was being a bad friend and she couldn’t win her over by being a good friend.

And actually, Scorpia’s confession in 4x10 that she “thought” she was being a good friend to Catra implies that she had since realized that she wasn’t actually being a good friend to Catra either. She knows the scorpions were a loyal people and she ascribes to that ideal, and she has so much love to give and always tries so hard to be positive, but not setting boundaries with people or demanding a measure of basic respect does nothing for them or you. Also, you can’t ignore the fact that Scorpia forced her affections on Catra, inserting herself into Catra’s life in a way that made her uncomfortable, and continued to ignore Catra’s attempts at setting boundaries with her (which is also very disrespectful). While Catra was certainly the aggressor, she was not the only one who failed in this partnership.

Let’s go back for a moment to Scorpia’s earliest indication that Catra might want to be her friend, when she confides in her and enlists her help coming up with and then executing a plan. Being chosen as Catra’s wingman seems to be important here, and perhaps she was wilfully ignoring how she was the only person who could make Catra’s plan work, but being confided in and trusted was huge to her. And since Horde soldiers are so used to being used, they don’t see it as a red flag. Catra actually flat out said Scorpia was the only person she could trust. How could a lonely gay not interpret that as a sign of being special to someone?

The squad

The importance of trust also becomes evident when considering the interactions among the main squad. Loyalty seems to be paramount in the Horde, not just the scorpion kingdom. Adora defecting to the Rebellion and leaving her squad behind was seen as a huge betrayal, and not just by Catra. Did anyone else want to cry when Lonnie struck back at Adora with “we were your friends” in 1x09? Lonnie was deeply hurt by Adora’s abandonment, feeding into her disillusionment with the Horde. Similarly, when Double Trouble revealed they had double-crossed Catra, her devastated reaction was not that her plans were ruined, but that they had betrayed her. That no doubt was also related to her previous betrayals, but also serves to highlight the importance of loyalty in their subculture.

While all the Horde characters were interesting to watch this season when it came to the themes of friendship, the arc was most pronounced in Lonnie. As I’ve mentioned previously, Scorpia had a short arc over one episode where her rosy worldview was destroyed, causing her to leave (much like Adora), while Lonnie was already a cynic who was aware of the Horde’s imperfections and had to go through more extreme hardships to detach from this unhappy but familiar environment (much like Catra, we hope).

Though she and the boys didn’t leave the Horde until the finale, her disillusionment was already evident in her first episode this season. After Catra berated them for something that wasn’t their fault and demanded they risk their lives to fix it (big Hordak energy), she had her first big revelation: “Catra doesn’t care about us, Adora left us. Everything they taught us in the Horde about loyalty is meaningless. It’s everyone for themselves.” In the next episode, she was frustrated by Scorpia’s naïve enthusiasm and trust in Catra, but it took a big blow up between her and Catra for her to finally decide she was done with her, done with the Horde in general.

Kyle represents a sort of middle ground between Lonnie and Scorpia in terms of outlook. He was not treated well in the Horde, but still believed in the ideals of loyalty and squad unity. He wanted to believe Catra had sent them out on a mission into the Whispering Woods because she trusted them and wanted it to be a team-building exercise. His take on it was: “She may be mean, but we’ve always had each other’s backs. Ever since we were kids.” He saw the squad as his family, including Catra (and previously Adora). It took Catra baring her claws and threatening to attack Lonnie outside of a battle sim for him to lose faith in her.

Bullying, the pecking order, and squad unity

As is clear by this point, the Horde defections this season were driven by Catra mistreating the others, but we can’t lose sight of how mistreatment is a fact of daily life in the Horde. And as I mentioned above with Lonnie, it’s those who were most aware of and desensitized to the mistreatment who had the hardest time naming it and leaving the toxic environment. Call it Stockholm Syndrome, call it the sunk cost fallacy, but either way once you’ve submitted to a system that dehumanizes you, it’s hard to admit that that system is wrong and leave it for a better life. Scorpia and Adora grew up somewhat privileged in the Horde in that they were destined for greatness, so they were never abused overtly and they had a level of protection from power-hungry cadets looking to claw their way to the top of the heap. They were already at the top and couldn’t be taken down, so they didn’t have to bully or be bullied.

The importance of pecking order is much more evident when considering people like Kyle, Catra, and Lonnie. Within their squad, Kyle is obviously the omega of the gang (get your heads out of the gutter, that is not what I mean), the one who gets blamed for everything that goes wrong and is constantly getting picked on. Lonnie shits on him, Catra shits on him, and even Rogelio gives him shit and goes along with the blame game. Despite all this, Kyle considers them his friends, his family.

This starts to make sense when you consider it in terms of intra vs. extra squad relations. Maybe the squad didn’t show Kyle any respect or treat him with kindness, but they did protect him in battle sims (sometimes lol) and rescue him from the spore storm. You also kind of get the impression that although they bullied him and asserted their dominance on the regs, they would protect him if other people tried to hurt him. You might say he’s the pet of the gang – he has no power within the structure and it may not be pleasant, but the structure still offers advantages. Having allies was still good for him even if he was at the bottom of the pecking order within the alliance.

Through a sociology lens, you might say the squad (and the Horde in general, given it’s a military society) follows the stereotypical male model of friend groups with clear pecking orders that everyone buys into (with exceptions for blatant power struggles), as opposed to the stereotypical female model that appears less hostile and more cooperative outwardly but involves a lot of underhanded infighting. (Obviously those are broad generalizations and it can be argued how much of it is nature vs. nurture, but they are observable patterns that boys and girls are socialized into in many human societies.) This ties in interestingly to @jaelav3​‘s observations about masculinity equating to strength and femininity equating to power in the Horde (a meta she really needs to write, because it’s brilliant). The hostility of the Horde forces soldiers into these rigid pecking orders in order to find protection in a dangerous place. When everyone knows and accepts their role, it is easier for the squad to function in a unified manner and protect each other, even if it’s at the cost of their mental and emotional health.

Now, when not everybody buys into the pecking order or it’s ambiguous, and/or if there’s a sudden power vacuum, that’s when things get interesting…

Catra and Lonnie, the perfect case study

Catra also suffered a lot of bullying and abuse in the Horde, but in a very different way than Kyle. She was in a unique and kind of contradictory position where she was somewhat protected by her close friendship with Adora, but she was also Shadow Weaver’s favourite chew toy and everyone knew it, which made her a target as well. If Shadow Weaver abused her, she wasn’t going to care if the other cadets abused her as well. Catra’s defensive body language and general distrustfulness and hostility gives the impression that she was bullied behind Adora’s back and Shadow Weaver turned a blind eye, perhaps even encouraged it.

This was all illustrated in 1x03, when Catra and Lonnie butted heads and Catra was forced to back down when two other cadets backed up Lonnie, then Lonnie told her to watch it because Adora wasn’t around to protect her anymore. That one line alone told so much of their story. This was also one of the few times we saw cadets using people from other squads to affect their own squad’s dynamics, as – like I said – that seems to be kept mostly in-house. It may have had something to do with Lonnie’s overall standing among the cadets or how Kyle and Rogelio rank lower in their little hierarchy and seem uninterested in getting involved with the power politics, but I digress.

The argument itself was meaningless, really - the whole thing was a pissing contest, an attempt to assert dominance within their squad’s sudden power vacuum. Lonnie fancied herself the new leader of the squad, and she ended up getting her wish in a backwards way when Catra was promoted out of the squad and given official power over her. Catra, of course, took every opportunity to rub this in Lonnie’s face, perpetuating the cycle of abuse she’d fallen victim to.

The reason they had a power struggle in the first place wasn’t just because Adora left, it was because their pecking order was previously unclear. Catra wasn’t very cooperative and tended to go rogue, so she didn’t slot nicely into the power structure. She was also perceived as lazy, as she had adopted an air of nonchalance once she realized she’d never get the recognition or praise so easily heaped on Adora. (Why try when failing hurts so much?) That being said, she was Adora’s best friend and basically her sidekick, so in a way that made her second-in-command of the squad.

On the other hand, Lonnie was devoted to the squad and was always around to provide tangible support, so she was also kind of Adora’s second-in-command. Combined with her harder work ethic, this also gave her a very legitimate claim to the throne. She was obviously pissed when her teammate she saw as a lazy asshat got promoted, but to her credit she lived up to her own personal ethics, buying in and not pushing back against Catra’s authority until late in season 4.

Despite the power struggle, however, Catra and Lonnie do seem to have a bond. Even if they don’t like each other, they have a certain level of trust in each other. When the princesses invaded the Fright Zone in 3x04 and shit started to go sideways, the first person Catra was looking for to try to get support and/or answers was Lonnie. Then in 4x10 when she was starting to lose her mind amid a lack of sleep and Scorpia’s defection, she pulled Lonnie aside and demanded to know what was going on among the soldiers, what they thought of her.

This was an incredibly interesting scene with some deep implications. Because while it was on one hand an expression of trust in Lonnie, it was also an acknowledgement that Lonnie was one of her bullies and held clout among the people who have demeaned and abused her in the past. It also showed that Catra still has social anxiety and her sense of social power (as opposed to power in terms of rank) is very fragile, which is extremely characteristic of a bullying victim. Also, the fact that Catra said, “Just leave. Like everybody else.” implied that Lonnie leaving would hurt her emotionally, which is rather illuminating.

As for Lonnie, her loyalty meant she bought into the system and expected to Catra to do her job running the place, taking care of the Horde. And Catra certainly succeeded early on, taking territory and increasing productivity. In return, Lonnie was a loyal and obedient soldier, even if she never hesitated to give Catra a bit of attitude. But she became frustrated in season 4 when Catra went on her sunk cost fallacy spiral and ended up making things worse for everyone else as well as herself. This failure was a huge betrayal to Lonnie, and it’s important to note that she wouldn’t feel betrayed or disappointed if she had expected nothing of Catra in the first place. It’s one thing to be kind of a dick about your superior rank, another entirely to endanger your squad/friends (or anyone you are responsible for, really) and run them into the ground as a remedy for your own anxiety.

The breaking point of course was the scene in the locker room in 4x12, when a lonely Catra tried to be “friends” with the squad again and was briefly successful in mending fences a little until she snapped at Kyle and then at Lonnie, calling them pathetic. This prompted Lonnie to shove her, which in turn made Catra bare her claws and rush Lonnie. There was really no coming back from that, even though Kyle intervened before anyone got hurt.

As an aside, Kyle stepping up in this scene was amazing - this season in general was everything I wanted for him. And it’s important that it was him who intervened, because he was really the only one who could ask Catra, “We used to be your friends, why are you treating us like this?” It makes perfect sense for Catra to push back at Lonnie given their history, but Kyle doesn’t have a history of bullying Catra (quite the opposite). And wow, it had an impact on Catra. You could just see the confusion and regret on her face before she brings back the façade of anger and kicks them out.

When the squad left the Horde, Lonnie said that they were done protecting Catra. This assertion is interesting, given their checkered past – since when was anyone protecting Catra? Lonnie bullied her, and none of them protected Catra from Shadow Weaver, not even Adora (though bless her heart, she tried). But this does make some sense when you consider how much of the idea of friendship is based on loyalty, and how important that adherence to the structure is for protection. In Lonnie’s mind, even if Catra was now their commander, they were still a unit in a way. And she saw standing by and obeying Catra to be a form of protection, helping her stay respected and carry out her plans. Lonnie is a good support person, and by removing her support, she was in a way removing her protection as well.

(After the series is over I might just go all out and do a huge-ass meta about Catra and Lonnie through the seasons. I am absolutely fascinated by this relationship, if you can’t tell.)

Allyship

Overall, you can’t help but get the impression that the Horde’s version of friendship is more akin to allyship. It’s protection, unity, loyalty. However, that doesn’t mean they don’t get emotionally attached, it’s more that how you feel about someone is less important than what that relationship can do for you. That’s why Scorpia doesn’t even understand what friendship is. That’s why Catra tolerates “friends” who annoy her, because they’re useful to her (not that she doesn’t get attached in time, but that’s not why she tolerates them in the first place).

Catra’s one of the few people in the Horde who has experienced real friendship, as her bond with Adora was much more emotional than practical (even if it was both). And that explains why she eventually lashed out at Scorpia and said they were not friends when clearly they were by the Horde’s definition. Her and Adora really had taken the friends thing to a different level, and she was missing that dearly.

It will be interesting to watch the interactions between the Horde characters when they are thrown back together in new circumstances, out of the Horde’s rigid power structure. Honestly, the redefining of these alliances and friendships is one of the things I am most looking forward to in the final season.

[sol-rising]

— dramione fanfic recommendations bc i don’t have a life;

[CHERRY] No one asked for this but I don’t have a life and I read a lot so.... why not? Majority of these are either on AO3 or FFN. 

— ONESHOTS; 

Best Shot by AccioMjolnir [Mature, 24k words]

Summary: It's eighth year and Hermione is trying to navigate her post-war friendship with Draco Malfoy and a relationship with Ron Weasley when she gets an unexpected visit from someone who knows her better than anyone: herself. Thrown back from the future, an older Hermione drops a bombshell on her: she has only three days to set things right, or Draco dies.

Amateur Cartography by worksofstone [Teen & Up Audiences, 21k words]

Summary: That one-night stand with Draco Malfoy was a mistake. Hermione doesn't make mistakes, or at least she isn't supposed to. She's working hard at her Ministry career, however frustrating and pointless her job may be, and she's also got to live up to everyone's expectations as Hogwarts's most famous Muggle-born and a top-tier War Hero. So, why is she still sleeping with Draco Malfoy, ex-Death Eater and infamous pureblood? And why isn't she certain that she wants to stop?

A Muggle-born Magic by Musyc [Mature, 50k words]

Summary: Regency-era AU. Physician's daughter Hermione Granger finds herself in need of a way to pay off her father's debts after his death. Draco Malfoy, retired from the politics of the Isolationists, a group of pure-bloods bent on separating 'true' magic from lesser folk, finds himself in need of a tutor for his son, Scorpius, who appears to be incapable of magic and must learn to survive in a world without it. Draco also needs a wife and mother for Scorpius, to satisfy a promise to his unwell father. After she saves his son from an attack by Isolationists, Draco hires the Muggle-born Miss Granger for the former, and after a riot in Vauxhall Gardens and a scandalous discovery made by his mother, weds that selfsame Muggle-born for the latter. While making the best of her marriage of (in)convenience, Hermione discovers that Scorpius' history of wild imaginings and dreams is more than just imagination. As she attempts to teach him about magical abilities no one expected he would ever have, she and Draco work together to raise Scorpius and learn to trust each other.

Ice by senlinyu [Teen & Up Audiences, 5.1k words]

Summary: Hermione works in Gringotts’ Records Department when Draco Malfoy comes on staff as a curse-breaker. His icy presence drags up memories she’s desperate to move on from and forget. She tries to ignore him, but every time she sees him, she feels chilled to the bone. DHr Advent 2018.

Fallin' (Adrenaline) by LeilahMoon [Teen & Up Audiences, 4.5k words]

Summary: When Professor McGonagall encourages all Hogwarts students to participate in a mentor scheme designed to promote inter-House unity, Hermione Granger is thrilled; she can’t wait to embrace the opportunity for further education. Unfortunately, she's not able to choose who she is allocated to and, when her mentor turns out to be Draco Malfoy, she’s certain she won’t learn anything at all.  

The Two Sided Triangle by Canttouchthis [Teen & Up Audiences, 5.2k words] 

Summary: In which Daily Prophet reporter Hermione Granger inadvertently becomes a superhero and her partner, the intrepid Draco Malfoy finds himself smitten. In other words, a Dramione inspired by Superman and Lois Lane.

Now Is A Gift by senlinyu [Teen & Up Audiences, 5k words]

Summary: Hermione is determined to give meaningful Christmas gifts to everyone in her Ministry department.

Everyone.

Even that anti-social arse Malfoy.

DHr Advent 2019.

riddle me this by megamegaturtle [General Audiences, 8k words]

Summary: Their fingers touch when Draco hands her the paper and Hermione's heart almost jumps out of her chest.

The note reads: How do you spell ‘cute boy’ with only two letters? -Riddle Me This

Hermione finds herself grinning. “Cutie. Q-T. That’s the answer to the riddle. You’re a cutie, Malfoy.”

[the one where someone leaves Draco Malfoy riddles to solve from the local coffee shop's community board and he enlists Hermione Granger for help.]

(Written for 2020 DFW Trope Fest: Double Trouble)

Library Rendezvous by WickedlyAwesomeMe [Fiction T, 2.9k words]

Summary: Hermes Granger just wanted to finish his homework in peace but of course, she always had to ruin his plans. Male!Hermione Granger/Female!Draco Malfoy. Genderbender

Relentless (Hogwarts Era Series) by realjane (Series of Connected Oneshots)

Height by senlinyu [Explicit, 8.7k words]

Summary: “Tall? That’s what you think I should notice about Malfoy? His height?”

Ginny quirked an eyebrow and licked the tip of her quill suggestively. ”Well, isn’t that your thing? Lockhart. Krum. McLaggen. Ron. The only thing they have in common is being tall enough to give me a neck ache.

”Hermione felt her ears grow hot, and she gripped her book tighter. “I don’t have a thing for tall men. Their height is—completely coincidental.”

Dramione Height Differences Minifest 2020.

Diamond Heart by artemisgirl [Fiction T, 8k words]

Summary: When Hermione approaches Draco Malfoy proposing a fake relationship between the two of them as part of a scheme, he's eager enough to participate - the potential benefits outweigh any costs on his time. But as it all progresses, Draco finds himself wondering what it would be like if what was 'fake' was real.

The Spring’s Chosen by artemisgirl [Fiction T, 5.5k words]

Summary: A golden unicorn appearing on the Malfoy grounds sends the Manor into a flurry of activity, to the confusion of one Draco Malfoy. It's just a unicorn that happens to be gold - isn't it? DMHG  

Courting Customs Most Sacred by HeyJude19 [Twoshot, Mature, 15k words]

Summary: Published in 1862 by Lady Apollonia Nott, Courting Customs Most Sacred is the comprehensive text for any pureblood family seeking to arrange suitable matches for their children. It’s also patently ridiculous and not at all appropriate for the modern era of dating. It is certainly not how one should woo Hermione Granger, at any rate.

— ON-GOING/WIPs;

Come Let Us Adore Him by thiscitychickk [Not Rated]

Summary: Hermione Granger scoured the subreddits, perused the checklists, and read virtually everything possible on how to be an all star Congressional intern and staffer. She had her job responsibilities well in hand, but instructions on how to handle the attention of an upstart Congressman Draco Malfoy were nowhere to be found. US politics AU: Congressional staffer Hermione, Congressman Draco

and with you, i fall by passionesque [Mature]

Summary: With Narcissa Malfoy striking a deal for her family — protection for information, the last thing anyone wants is Draco Malfoy seeking refuge within the heart of the Order. 

It would’ve been easy, Hermione thinks. So easy for her to hex him back to Voldemort’s clutches for all that he’s said and done, but being the bleeding soft-hearted Gryffindor she is, she doesn't.

* * * * *

“You should hate me,” he murmurs, flicking his gaze to her from beneath his lashes. 

She should, Hermione knows this. She really ought to hate him, but the memory of the haunted look in his eyes and the hoarse screams of his nightmares echoes through her mind and eases the storm in her heart.

She doesn’t. She can’t.

“You’re right,” Hermione says soberly. “I should. But I don’t.”

Post HBP. Canon-Divergent. HG/DM.

Love In A Time Of the Zombie Apocalypse by andgladly [Mature]

Summary: After Voldemort, there was this. The clock is ticking to create a cure to the unimaginable horror that currently grips the world. Hermione finds herself unwillingly allied with the most hated man in Wizarding Britain.

The Alkahest by Shadukiam [Mature]

Summary: The Marriage Law, once enacted, has the power to destroy Hermione's perfectly normal life. Luckily, she and Ron are already planning to obey the horrific law together as a team... Until a Malfoy-shaped wrench gets thrown into the works. Dramione.

In the Arms of Her Dragon by Wolf Blossom [Mature]

Summary: A random act of kindness (the life-or-death kind) draws together Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger in a way that nobody saw coming. The duo, in fact, did not want anybody learn the secret of their relationship, but their hope was in vain. All of Hogwarts, nay, England suddenly knew about their union. "Nobody said this would be easy, bookworm." Malfoy drawled. "Shut. Up. Malfoy."

Time Twisters by themirrorminder.372259 [Fiction T]

Summary: Narcissa ignores the sharp smile her little brother wears after Bella's funeral, in the same way that Lily ignores the ravenous gaze her little sister aims towards Knockturn Alley. However, Albus Dumbledore cannot ignore the ominous friendship between Draco Black and Hermione Evans, not when he hears blood dripping from their joined hands. {TimeTravel} {DRAMIONE} {Marauder's Era}

Beautiful Incongruence by charlie_weasleys_gf [Teen & Up Audiences]

Summary: “You are not an easy person to talk to, Granger.”

“Well, you haven’t made the prospect of talking to you sound very exciting."

Hermione Granger was ready for her third year at Hogwarts-that was, until it was interrupted by time turners and apologising assholes.

In which Draco Malfoy apologises (a lot).

How to Move On by longdistance [Mature] 

Summary: It's been nearly a decade since the war. A long time since she locked herself away. A long time since he faced his mistakes. She's what he wants. He's what she needs. It's time for both of them to figure out how to move on.

Through the eyes of blind love by Mixilip1 [Mature]

Summary: Torn between the heart and love of two souls thou shall find theeself. Post-war.

Following the war, Hermione finds herself not-so-happily dating Ron, but it seems she can't keep herself away from a certain blonde Slytherin who's determined to finally make her his witch. After hearing a prophecy about her future, she thinks her life might change for good, but what she doesn't know is that the prophecy also included a veela in it.

"Granger, don't be nervous. Just look at me and let go." He said, grabbing her chin, and her brown eyes met his.This is a story about love triangles and veelas. Veela AU

flesh and blood by forbiddenquill [Teen & Up Audiences]

Summary: Scorpius breaks his father’s Time-Turner and ends up getting transported into the year 1998, when the Second Wizarding World War has already ended and where Draco Malfoy is still trying to pick up the pieces of his shattered world.

With Scorpius’ arrival comes shocking revelations, burning questions, and a son’s image of a father Draco is sure he’ll never be able to live up to.

More importantly, it’s Scorpius’s bright brown eyes, so unlike his own, that bug Draco the most.

[alternatively, a multi-chapter fic where eight-year-old Scorpius follows Draco around the castle and tries to discover the secret identity of his mother]

The Other Side by sweetsolitude [Teen & Up Audiences]

Summary: A slow-burn Dramione version of 6th year, The Half-Blood Prince, told from the perspectives of Draco, Hermione, and Theo. No smut, no character bashing. Attempted to stay TTC and the general plot progression of HBP. Primary ship is Draco/Hermione. This fic is already completed at around 150k, will post chapters regularly.

The Hidden Duchess by Moxified [Fiction K]

Summary:  She had always been given everything she wanted ever since she was a child, spoiled to the very bone. Her life consisted of a strict regimen built for a princess that was followed to a tee - even after she came to Hogwarts. Leading two lives is stressful for anyone, especially a young lady with an equally young man curious enough to discover what secrets she was hiding.

An Unexpected Malfoy by RiverWriter [Mature]

Summary: Once upon a time Hermione Granger literally ran into Draco Malfoy in a bookshop. His mother sees a connection between her son and the muggleborn that she can't ignore and determines to get to know the girl. An imagining of how things could have gone if Hermione had been taken under the wing of the Malfoy family.

In Another Life by marana1 [Fiction M]

Summary: She walked over to the huge, full-length mirror. Staring back was her eleven-year-old self but with long, beautiful, silky platinum blonde hair and pale skin. Hermione ran her fingers through her hair, the reality of the situation sinking in. The fairy hadn't just made them switch places for a day... she sent them back in time and switched their lives. DM X HG. EWE. Slow burn.

Hermione's pianist by softblakegriffin, va_lentina [Mature]

Summary: Draco Malfoy was destined to play music since birth. A small prodigy in a family of long-standing musicians, he’s well on his way to become the best pianist of his generation. A month in Rome with his friends is the perfect way to leave the pressure and social obligations behind and relax, immersed in the eternal beauty and soul-stirring art.

Hermione Granger’s road to music wasn’t straightforward. She didn’t attend the Conservatory, everything she knows is the result of sacrifices, and she’s still searching for the perfect opportunity to make music her job. It’s her dream and she thinks Rome, with its breathtaking views and magical atmosphere, is the place where she wants to try and fulfill it.

He’s in Rome to enjoy a short reprieve from London, before going back home.

She escaped London and is in Rome to stay.

Will music and the treacherous city disrupt their plans?

Crimes of Passion by All3Unforgivables [Mature]

Summary: Draco Malfoy lost his family, his dignity, and his humanity during the Dark Lord's rise to power. The only thing he couldn't stand to lose was something that was never his to take. With no one left to mourn him, his disappearance goes unexplored. But angels like Hermione Granger do not go missing without notice. D/H OOC, AU. Very mature themes.

Nightcrawlers by malf0y101 [Explicit]

Summary: Returning to Hogwarts for her eighth year, Hermione Granger is depressed, resentful, and suicidal. That is, until Draco Malfoy presents an enticing offer to keep her alive. Soon after, the two embark on a torture spree of students, professors, and acquaintances while simultaneously engaging in a clandestine and dirty relationship. How long can they keep their game up?

What crawls in the night stays in the night.

Poet. by OneEqualTemper [Mature]

Summary: “Uh...Malfoy? Did you knock your pretty head into a wall this morning?” Ginny questions and slides into her spot next to Hermione.

Hermione gives her a quick glare, her eyes begging her to just leave it alone. Ginny ignores Hermione’s look and waits for Malfoy to answer. Malfoy does his best to ignore the red-headed Witch.

“Hello? Anyone in there?” Ginny questions and waves her hand in front of him.

Hermione grabs the Witch’s hand and pulls it down to the table, “He can sit here if he wants.”

Ginny scoffs but keeps her hand down on the table, “What’s wrong with his own table?”

“Ginny, stop,” Hermione hisses at her friend. “We’re friends. He can come and sit here anytime he wants.”

— COMPLETED;

Hindsight by floorcoaster [Teen & Up Audiences, 12 Chapters, 170k]

Summary: It's a New Year and Hermione decides it's time to make some changes.

Between the Devil and Draco Malfoy by QueenOfSmokeAndMirrors [Mature, 13 Chapters, 34k]

Summary: Seventeen is a dangerous age. Hermione Granger, arrogant and precocious and bored of her mundane life, thinks she can handle a deal with the devil. But Draco Malfoy - the devil's own son - plans on dragging her down to Hell with him. Dramione AU with demons.

Good Luck Kisses by Musyc [Teen & Up Audiences, 8 Chapters, 8.4k]

Summary: A good luck kiss for a Quidditch captain - it's ridiculous. It can't actually work.

But it does.

Every time.

Traditions by raven_maiden [Explicit, 14 Chapters, 69k]

Summary: She straddled him slowly, still biting her lip, her hands on his shoulders. He held her hips tightly as he stared up at her.

“So beautiful,” he whispered, and she flushed prettily, like she always did from his compliments. “You never need to hide from me.”

**

Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy fell in love during the war. One year later, they're heading home for the holidays so he can finally meet her parents. There's just one teeny little problem: her parents think they're both Muggles.

Fortuitous by MrsRen [Mature, 13 Chapters, 93k]

Summary: Recently divorced Draco doesn't believe in the ideology of having one true love. He certainly doesn't expect to meet his match in a Halloween themed coffee shop, but fate has a peculiar way of giving you just what you need.

Manacled by senlinyu [Explicit, 77 Chapters, 370k]

Summary: Harry Potter is dead. In the aftermath of the war, in order to strengthen the might of the magical world, Voldemort enacts a repopulation effort. Hermione Granger has an Order secret, lost but hidden in her mind, so she is sent as an enslaved surrogate to the High Reeve until her mind can be cracked.

Wait and Hope by mightbewriting [Mature, 12 Chapters, 95k]

Summary: “Harry,” Hermione began, voice very controlled, but she could feel the blade of panic slicing at her vocal cords. “Why was Draco Malfoy just screaming bloody murder about his,” and the word almost strangled her as she said it, “wife?”

Harry's green eyes blew wide. Healer Lucas pinched the bridge of her nose, clearly displeased with the recent series of events.

“He was referring to you, my dear,” she said. “That was the other question you got wrong. Your name is Hermione Jean Granger-Malfoy.”

Hermione had to be sedated again.

Beginning and End by mightbewriting [Explicit, 48 Chapters, 242k]

Summary: Years. Broken into months into weeks into days—into hours, minutes, seconds—into moments. Simple at one end, complex at the other. In Draco’s experience, moments, even when simple, had a habit of becoming irretrievable. Moments grew, stretched, multiplied into ages and eras that defined whole stretches of measurable time. Draco regretted several moments in his life, some within his control, some without: all of them irretrievable in nature. At a certain point, wedged between ‘what-ifs’ of his own devising, he’d stopped trying to keep track of those regrettable moments: now and then, pushing and pulling, coming and going, beginning and end. Moments were only moments for just as long. After that, he had no control.

A Draco POV prequel to Wait and Hope.

Through the Years by WickedlyAwesomeMe [Fiction T, 11 Chapters, 93k]

Summary: Hermes Granger fervently believed that Malfoy's sole purpose in life was to make his life a living hell. Genderswap Dramione! Male!Hermione Granger/Female!Draco Malfoy. Companion piece to "Library Rendezvous".

Apple Pies and Other Amends by ToEatAPeach [Mature, 29 Chapters, 77k]

Summary: It’s not until she’s brought a basil and strawberry sponge cake to Neville Longbottom and his new girlfriend, Hannah Abbott, a dozen rhubarb hand-pies to Luna and Xenophilius Lovegood, and another basket of ganache-covered muffins to Dean and Seamus, that Hermione admits to herself what she’s actually doing: she’s making a thing of this. It’s a veritable PTSD tour. With pastries. And hand-skimmed clotted cream. And she has no idea why she’s doing it, but it’s becoming very apparent that she is.

Sometimes you're sad. Sometimes you need dessert. And sometimes, it's a little of both.

Arrogance and Ignorance by AnneM.Oliver [Fiction T, 38 Chapters, 140k]

Summary: A romance set in the era of Jane Austen novels, this is the story of a woman and a man. The man thinks he is better than all others, & the woman knows she is smarter. Their differences aside, they have one thing in common, both are smitten with the other.

The Babysitter by WickedlyAwesomeMe [Teen & Up Audiences, 29 Chapters, 145k]

Summary: It was a dark and stormy Sunday night when Hermione Granger unexpectedly visited his house and entrusted him with her daughter, Rose. Disaster ensues.

Slow burn Dramione with a sprinkle of cute, cute Rose!

The Best of Me by MrsRen [Mature, 21 Chapters, 82k]

Summary: Officially, Hermione Granger was killed in action during the Battle of Hogwarts. Unofficially, Draco Malfoy has never stopped searching for her. Years after the war during a mission in France, his salvation comes in the form of a little blond boy and a familiar half-Kneazle.

Chronos Historia by In_Dreams [Mature, 27 Chapters, 98k]

Summary: Hermione and Draco stumble upon a mysterious portal and find themselves hurtled back through time a thousand years. Forced to team up to find a way home, they quickly realize that much of the history they believed to be fact, wasn't true after all. A founders era, time travel Dramione.

Presque Toujours Pur by ShayaLonnie [Fiction M, 38 Chapters, 174k]

Summary: Bellatrix's torture of Hermione uncovers a long-kept secret. The young witch learns her true origins in a story that shows the beginning and end of the Wizarding wars as Hermione learns about her biological father and the blood magic he dabbled in that will control her future.

omnia vincit amor by SyrenGrey [Explicit, 40 Chapters, 187k]

Summary: Dark days are here at Hogwarts, and the darkest cloud of all is hanging over Draco Malfoy's head. Already burdened with the impossible task of murdering the Headmaster, life becomes more complex when an elusive prophecy entangles him with a bushy-haired enemy, and a steamy forbidden romance unfolds. Sixth Year. Rated E for sexual content and violence.

Rose by longdistance [Mature, 5 Chapters, 20k]

Summary: A short tale of what happens after Hermione and Draco wake up with each other after a drunken night together. Alcohol often has consequences which they soon learn.

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

So not to be dramatic, but if you could get a degree in discourse-ology, the topic of my master’s thesis would definitely be “Which political candidates did the characters of the CW’s Gossip Girl (2007-2012) support?” I’m doing this in order from most to least obvious, and considering both the 2016 and 2020 presidential elections.

[ little ivy interjection here: i haven’t changed ANYTHING, except adding a screencap of the title + the submission, because that made me laugh & more people deserve to see it, and putting this under a read more because that’s how i generally try & organise stuff on this blog. so this submission is exactly as it was when i received it! also while we’re at it, anon, this MADE my day.]

Blair Waldorf: “Hillary Clinton is one of my role models. I do not break treaties, you ass!” (04x13) There’s no question that Blair would go hard for Hillary in 2016, she praised her on multiple occasions throughout the series. Blair’s a classic American neoliberal, third wave Democrat-type: she’s decently progressive when it comes to social policies, and would be decidedly supportive of causes like gay marriage, racial equity, and women’s reproductive rights, but she’s still very much in favor of maintaining the status quo when it comes to capitalism and the hegemonic structure of power that, lets face it, heavily favors her own class interests. To use the American healthcare system as an example: Blair would have been all for the Affordable Care Act, and is largely supportive of the idea of creating a public option - but single payer, nationalized health care? It just wouldn't work in a country like the United States for “X” reason (although the real reason, deep down, is that she doesn’t want to see her tax rate go up in any meaningful way). So she’s thoroughly for Clinton in both the 2016 primaries and the general election, she maybe even comes out with a line of high-end “I’m With Her” merchandise if she’s still CEO of Waldorf Designs, and is personally heartbroken when Clinton loses.

Flash forward to the 2020 primaries. Blairhates Donald Trump, like emotionally, viscerally hates him - his misogyny, his incompetence, and his blatant tackiness are a direct repudiation of her beliefs, and the fact that he’s representing Manhattan society and the Upper East Side to the world in such a godawful way is frankly embarrassing. So in a certain sense, her strategy, like frankly many Americans at the time going into the 2020 Democratic primaries is, “Which one of these candidates has the greatest chance at beating Donald Trump?” I see Blair being rather conflicted at first, but ultimately going for either Amy Klobuchar or Kamala Harris. She has a certain admiration for Elizabeth Warren given her professional background, but her policies are a bit too progressive for someone like Blair. Buttigeg is fine, but not especially thrilling. Biden, quite frankly, doesn’t seem like he has any real chance at winning, although I think he’d be Blair’s third choice after Harris and Klobuchar. I can see her leaning more towards Harris ultimately - although, after the “Amy Klobuchar throws staplers at her interns!!” rumors start spreading, Blair cannot help but, at a personal level, kind of respect her for that. When Biden unexpectedly takes South Carolina and then the Democratic nomination, Blair is a bit disappointed, but not overly so, and quickly marshals her financial resources into supporting and fundraising for him for the remainder of the election. At least it’s not Sanders - or Bloomberg. As a New Yorker, of course Blair’s opinion is “Fuck Michael Bloomberg”.

Chuck Bass: Now here’s where it gets interesting. Chuck, as you said, isn’t stupid - there’s no way he falls for the “build the wall” crap or any of Trump’s rhetoric, he knows it’s a bullshit farce and sees right through it. But you know what he definitely is? Deeply greedy and deeply selfish. I’m hardly the first person to point this out, but Chuck Bass is, in many ways, the fictional equivalent of the Donald Trumps and Michael Bloombergs and Brett Kavanaughs of the world - new money billionaire who inherited his wealth from his father working in the real estate industry, who despite his lack of business acumen and deeply problematic history with women, has managed to coast through life failing upwards with absolutely no social or legal accountability? I mean, back in 2010, Forbes Magazine actually did a real interview with the fictional Chuck Bass in which they outright compare him to Donald Trump. I couldn’t tell you if the Gossip Girl writers meant to write Chuck as their Trump analogue - I mean, they did invite Jared and Ivanka onto the show, after all - but the parallels are just too strong to ignore. All of which is to say, not only did Chuck Bass vote for Donald Trump, he held exclusive political fundraisers for him and was probably a substantial donor to his campaign. Now, did Chuck distance himself publicly over time as the political climate became increasingly caustic and public sentiment towards Trump plummeted even further? Perhaps, perhaps not. It really depends on if the board of Bass Industries felt like being connected to Trump was a liability or an asset - but privately, I imagine Chuck once again voted for him in 2020, because the one policy Donald Trump did effectively execute during his tenure in office was massive tax cuts for billionaires, and for someone like Chuck Bass, that’s the only political policy that really matters. He wouldn’t wear a red hat and wouldn’t be caught dead within sniffing distance of a MAGA rally and the hoi polloi, but dude is basically the image of what the kind of rich conservatives backing the Trump administration for personal gain look like. On the off chance that the distastefulness of it all got to be a little much for even Chuck post-2016, perhaps he might switch his vote to Bloomberg. But I highly doubt Chuck would be politically invested in anything other than his own wallet to such an extent that he wouldn’t vote for Trump, no matter how much it would no doubt completely infuriate Blair.

Dan Humphrey: As the unofficial king of the hipsters, Dan has been a Sanders supporter since before it was cool. Seriously, Bernie Sanders appeals to Dan intrinsically on every level - his policies, his rhetoric, even his aesthetic - the rumpled old man with wild hair wearing mittens and railing against the upper class is the sort of thing that’s basically political catnip for someone like Dan Humphrey. Not only would Dan vote for Sanders in both the 2016 and 2020 primaries, he’d go out and be one of the celebrities campaigning for him. This would definitely lead to him butting heads with Blair, and she would no doubt call him out on supporting someone like Sanders when Dan himself is now a millionaire, who made his money from writing stories about the upper class. The fact that in 2017 he apparently gets married to Serena, a billionaire heiress, and may or may not have been engaged to her back in 2016 when the Democratic primaries were happening might cause him a bit of cognitive dissonance, but really, just because he’s climbed up the socio-economic ladder now doesn’t mean his values have really changed, have they? (Debatable.) In any case, in both the 2016 and 2020 general elections, Dan would definitely vote for Clinton and Biden respectively - although he’d be significantly more disgruntled about it than Blair would be switching from Harris to Biden. I don’t think Dan would be a “Bernie bro” in the way that term is used, but he’d definitely chafe against Clinton’s past policy decisions, and would probably make some snippy Tweets about her during the election. Nevertheless, once it became clear that Trump was going to be the Republican nominee and was a serious threat, I think Dan would change his tone and start encouraging his fans and followers to vote for Clinton. Likewise, in 2020, Dan would probably become one of the Sanders supporters doing outreach for Biden, having become more politically pragmatic following the experience of living under the Trump administration.

Vanessa Abrams: Much like Dan, Vanessa is a progressive, although unlike Dan, Vanessa’s activism is more focused around specific issues and less around specific politicians. I can see Dan and Vanessa being in roughly the same place in 2016, and given that the only real choices were between Sanders and Clinton in the primaries (RIP to Martin O'Malley), Vanessa would no doubt go for Sanders. Whereas Dan might campaign for Sanders directly however, Vanessa would instead focus her time and resources around advocacy for specific causes that are important to her, like climate change and racial justice, and would probably use her platform as a filmmaker and documentarian to advance those causes. I could very much see her getting involved with movements like Black Lives Matter and organizations like the Sunrise Movement, and taking part in protests, marches, and sit-ins. When the 2020 Democratic primaries come around, I could see her possibly switching from Sanders to Warren for a while (and Dan would definitely argue with her about it if she did), but I can also see her switching back to Sanders after Warren amended her support for single-payer, “Medicare for All”. She’d definitely vote for Clinton and Biden in the generals, but not enthusiastically.

Nate Archibald: For someone whose family business is politics and who, in 2017, is apparently a candidate in the New York City mayoral election, Nate seems to be rather removed from politics. As Vanessa puts it in 02x19, “The only thing Nate’s ever voted for is American Idol.” Still, as Editor-in-Chief of The Spectator, Nate kind of has to have an opinion, and in that respect, I see him gravitating towards the type of center-left “establishment” candidates that he and his family would no doubt have close ties with. In the Gossip Girl universe, the Vanderbilts are portrayed as being a lot like the Kennedys, and I think Nate’s policies as a mayoral candidate would really reflect that. In 2016, he would vote for Hillary Clinton in both the primaries and the generals without much of a second thought - after all, she’s the obvious choice, and there’s no way a candidate like Donald Trump could actually beat her, right? Actually, optimistically, maybe that’s why Nate decides to jump into the mayoral race in 2017 - previously, he had been for all intents and purposes politically apathetic, but seeing someone as genuinely vile as Donald Trump ascend to the office of the presidency stirs him out of that apathy, and he wants to make a positive difference in the only way an incredibly privileged white man from a politically prominent family knows how. So he runs as a Kennedy-esque center left candidate, further left of someone like Hillary Clinton, but more moderate than someone like Elizabeth Warren - sort of like Kamala Harris, now that I think about it. I have no idea if he would actually be able to beat Bill de Blasio given the major incumbency advantage de Blasio would have, but who knows. Come the 2020 Democratic primaries, I think Nate would probably just vote for whoever he believed was most likely to beat Donald Trump. I don’t see him having any sort of clear preference - maybe he would gravitate towards Biden on the basis of him being the most established candidate, or maybe he would gravitate towards Harris on the basis of her campaigning as the “moderate progressive” candidate. I could also seeing him liking Andrew Yang, come to think of it. In any case, he would most definitely support Joe Biden in the generals. How involved he’d be in supporting him really depends on whether or not Nate actually gets elected to mayor - if he was the mayor, he’d definitely endorse him and probably donate to him, but I think he’d be too wrapped up in his own political responsibilities to really do much more than that. If, however, he lost the election and was still the Editor-in-Chief of The Spectator, I can see Nate getting more involved alongside the rest of his family, officially endorsing him in The Spectator, hosting political fundraisers for him, and maybe even campaigning for him. The Vanderbilts in the Gossip Girl universe (I have no idea what the family’s actual political beliefs are in real life) definitely seem to me like they’d be Biden supporters, and I imagine they’d use their political clout to try and get Biden in, and more importantly, Trump out.

Serena van der Woodsen: Oh Serena. Look, she knows it’s important, okay? It’s just, she’s been really busy lately, and she doesn’t really like to think about politics, and hey, remember that fundraiser she did with her mom for last month’s philanthropic cause du jour? Serena’s a Democrat, vaguely, but if you tried to really pin her down on her political beliefs she’d probably just change the topic. So who does she vote for in 2016? The truth is, she doesn’t. Not in the primaries, not in the general, not at all. She meant to, okay, Blair’s definitely been pestering her to send in her mail-in-ballot for weeks, but she just got distracted and forgot. Serena really strikes me as the kind of person who doesn’t enjoy thinking or talking about politics, save for perhaps a few specific issues, and she has a sense that everything will work itself out eventually and she doesn’t really need to participate. And then the 2016 election happens, and holy shit, she didn’t vote. Blair and Dan might have spent early 2016 bickering with each other over Clinton versus Sanders, but the one thing they can definitely agree on is “What the fuck, Serena?!?!” They both reminded her like, a million times, how could she possibly forget?! Serena feels really bad about it - she didn’t think it was such a big deal, she didn’t think Donald Trump could actually win! - and so she starts overcompensating whenever the topic of politics comes up, maybe even joins Vanessa at a few protests and marches, even though she’s still sort of clueless about the actual issues at hand. She does vote in the 2018 midterms, although only in the general election - straight blue ticket, all the way down. She takes a picture of herself at the voting booth wearing an “I Voted!” sticker and posts it on Instagram, tagging both Dan and Blair in the post (who already voted weeks ago using mail-in ballots, but it’s the thought that counts). Flash forward to 2020, and she really needs to make a decision about who to vote for in the primaries… but there’s just so many choices. Everything seems so scary and stressful and real in a way now that it didn’t back in 2016, and she can’t just ignore it and assume things will work out for the best like she did back then. So who does she vote for? Well, Serena always wins, so she votes for Biden. Conspiratorially, both Dan and Blair privately wonder if her voting for Biden isn’t on some cosmic level the reason for his unexpected victory, even if they know there’s no logical way that’s possible, right? But it would be such a Serena thing to do… In any case, Serena’s just happy her candidate won, and would probably host political fundraisers for him with her mom’s circle of philanthropic friends. Assuming she and Dan are still married at this point, she offers to help him do political outreach to Sanders supporters to get them to vote for Biden, which he sweetly dissuades her from given that most Sanders supporters would probably dislike her on principle.

So that’s how, in my opinion, the main cast would vote, ordered roughly in how confident I am about that analysis. You could make the argument that perhaps some characters would vote or act differently based on whether or not they’re dating or married at the time - like, would Chuck openly fundraise for Trump when Blair is a dyed-in-the-wool Clinton supporter if they’re married? (He totally would.) But I tried to consider them purely on the merits of their personalities and values, and not on the particularities of their situations at the time (with the exception of Nate, just because him being in office or not would obviously make a huge difference in regards to how politically involved he’s going to be).

I wish I put as much effort into my actual university essays as I did on Gossip Girl political analysis.