#meanwhile me and my roommate BOTH went thru this about each other for an extremely disproportionate number of years

[joelletwo]

[its own post and not in the tags] five years later i have spent muuuuuuuuuuch time agonizing over finding the limits of my responsibilities and the exactitudes of my fuckups and how profusely and heartfelt i would apologize for them if he ever came wanting one. however i also suspect unless he got more well-balanced about a lot of things real quick in this time that he would put more blame on me than im interested in taking.

and now that im no longer thinking about this every single day ive lost some of the authenticity of my desire to prostrate myself in repentance and go for the more kneejerk instinct to blame /him/ for more than he was actually responsible for lol. and some like. preemptive unfair irritation at the expectation of him blaming me for things.

and so [avpd wins!] i still think the best option for both of us is to continue not crossing paths and dredging this up lol. bc i think all i could manage politely is the heartfelt but precise apology and then i would have nothing else i wanted to interact w him about without fighting kjsfg. thank u me every day for irritating him into giving up the pretense about wanting to stay friends so i could work this all out in the privacy of my brain and not At him

[stunudo]

Baa Bum Ba Bum: A Criminal Minds Fan-fiction

Featuring: Penelope Garcia x Female Reader

Requested by: @milkandcookies528

“I know in season seven Garcia and Kevin broke up and something about her not wanting to get married. But anyways could you do one where Penelope and her fiance gets married (and in this fic she was never against marriage) and the wedding is beautiful. Thank you.😍😍😭😭”       

Warnings: All the Fluff! Nerdom and more cussing than I usually throw in.

A/N: As you can tell, I had too much fun with this one. Btw how come we have never met Garcia’s brothers?! Thanks for the awesome request Tori!!! I really hope you like it. xoxo Stu

I do not own the characters or images.

Your name: submit What is this?

To Do:

Fitting Appointment

Florists

Confirm Cake Delivery

Make Penny get to her fitting

Remind the team and Carlos about speeches

Breathe

Confirm with the J.o.t.P

   It was going to be a hectic week, but you just had to make sure everything was moving along. You were an extremely hands on bride, not a bridezilla, thank you very much.

“Girl, I better be the first speaker. I do not want everyone all distracted before I get all your dirty laundry out in the open.” Carlos was huffing. You had been checking your phone, AGAIN, during your weekly brunch with your bestie. Your head snapped up.

“I think I can arrange that, BUT that means you cannot bring up the cat-fight sophomore year.”

“Y/N, seriously?!” Carlos was shocked, “I hadn’t even remembered that! Now I want to throw it in there. Hmmmm, you’re lucky I plan ahead. I don’t want to mess with perfection. My speech is so fire, everyone will need to stop, drop and roll.”

You laughed, Carlos being prepared to assault your friends and family with every embarrassing detail of your nearly twenty years of friendship was quintessential. No wonder people put so much thought and time into weddings. It isn’t everyday people publicly show loved ones how much they mean to them. You finished the mimosa you had been sipping. Carlos leaned in and grabbed your hand.

“It’s going to be fucking magical, Y/N.” Carlos tried to relieve the stress of the event. You nodded, remembering to breathe.

“You’ve reached Garcia’s Gifts of Knowledge and Salvation, please state your request.”

“Hey, babe. I just got a call from the dress shop.” You began in a slight brisk tone. “Anything you want to tell me?”

The pause was enough to have you counting to ten. “Um? No?” Penelope responded sheepishly.

“Alright, I, trust you, but please make sure you stop with the last minute “extras” by Thursday. They charge another 20% for rush work.”

“If I did know what you were referring to, than that would be a good deadline. But really, there are no extras.” She was failing her stealth role left and right.

“Love you, please get home on time tonight?” You asked softly.

“Sure? I mean the team is only in freaking Florida, Y/N. I can’t exactly leave them on their own. What if they don’t finish the case in time?!”

“Penny, they’ll be there. It is going to be wonderful. See you at home?” You tried reassuring your fiance.

“Okay, yes, you will. Eventually.” Penny smooched into the phone.

It was the morning of the wedding and you woke up on Carlos’ couch. You had a make shift Joint Bachelorette Party the night before. Oddly keeping with the tradition of not seeing each other on your wedding day prior to the ceremony.  But you couldn’t remember why you were on your best friend’s couch. You and he had shared beds before and it was never weird. You dragged your feet into his bedroom and crawled beneath the duvet. The warm body behind you rolled over and tried to make you the little spoon. You rolled over to push Carlos off of your hips, but it wasn’t Carlos looking back at you. It was Reid.

“What the hell?!” You fell out of the bed, hitting the nightstand with your face. “Jesus! Carlos! Did you screw the fucking bridesmaid?”

“Bridesfellow, actually.” Spencer corrected you, his big eyes bulging and a deep blush rising on his waking features. “But, uh, no, I don’t think so…..”

Carlos finally sat up from his place on the far side of the bed and looked down at your pathetic position on the floor. “Dios mio, no I did not sleep with him.” He rolled his eyes and his body and went back to bed. You sat there on the ornate woven rug glaring at the flabbergasted and extremely hung over doctor.

“Get me a steak.” You demanded.

“Why?” Spencer said simply.

“For my face.” You growled. “Ice. Anything. For crying out loud I am about to get a million pictures taken and I don’t want to look like roadkill.” Spencer finally got the message and headed to the kitchen. You got yourself up and back on the couch as he brought you a dishtowel wrapped baggie of ice cubes.

There was a knock at the door and the slapping of flip flops on the wooden floor. “Oh no.”

She had arrived. “You’re getting mar– What happened to your face?!” Your little sister stared at you with horror. Spencer pursed his lips.

Meanwhile

“Can we get you a mimosa or some coffee?” The soothing technician asked as JJ, Emily, Tara, Penelope and Savannah settled into their pedicure recliners.

“Mimosas all around,” Tara confirmed.

“Oh my gosh you guys, I can’t believe its To-Day. It is actually happening.” Penelope gushed.

“You are going to be such a stunning bride!” Savannah chimed from across the aisle. “Thank you so much for inviting me along. Although I am sure Derek would enjoy this too.” The agile hands of the workers had begun massaging the feet and legs of the bridal party.

“You’re family, besides, I am sure the guys are keeping busy.” JJ snarked.

“Uh, yeah,” Penelope agreed. “Between the team, Y/N’s dad and my brothers they will be done setting up the hall by noon. Plenty of time to shower and tap the keg before the actual ceremony.”

The woman had returned with the champagne flutes.

“To the brides!” Emily belted out, “May their love continue to inspire us all!”

“Here, here!” Tara seconded.

JJ clinked her glass with Savannah. Tara and Emily took turns clanging with Penny. Just as they set down their glasses, JJ’s phone buzzed.

“No phones, Jayge!” Garcia whined. “No fair!”

JJ checked her text message and just shook her head. “It’s nothing. Just last minute coordinating with Y/N’s sister. She just got picked up from Jaramillo’s place.”

“Right on schedule.” Emily pointed out, patting Garcia’s thigh in reassurance.

“Tell her sister to be nice, she always stresses her out.” Garcia chimed in as JJ responded. “Look at me defending my wife! From my soon-to-be kid sister! We are so flippin’ cute!”

Everyone giggled, but no one disagreed. Penelope was happy, love was in the air, this was a special day for the whole BAU family.

After you dropped Reid at the hall for reception detail, you and your sister headed to the salon for your hair appointments. Breakfast was the ever-needed Starbucks drive thru.

“Okay, so, I know you don’t usually do much make up, but we are going to have to figure this out.” She kept poking your face. You swatted her hand away as you leaned out the window to place the order.

“How do you think Penny is holding up?” You asked absentmindedly. “She always wants everyone else to be happy and entertained, do you think she is enjoying herself at all?”

“She is getting a pedicure and drinking with her friends, whats not to enjoy?” Your sister sipped her sugary coffee. “Are you? Besides the face thing, I mean. Are you sure I can’t say anything? Because Reid ruined your face, he should have to wear a dunce cap or something.”

“Eh, I am thinking in ten or twenty years I will look back at it and laugh.” You smirked to yourself. “Later tonight though I am definitely posting a cruel hashtag with his scrawny face on insta.”

“Bitch.”

“That’s Mrs. Bitch to you.”

There were probably going to be just as many people standing up in the wedding as were in attendance. You just had that many amazing friends and family. There were separate dressing rooms for each wedding party. You had taken the one marked “Groom”, but someone had covered it up with a hasty drawing of a rabbit or a duck, depending how you looked at it.

Inside was the pre-party. Your room held Carlos, your sister, your roommate from college Kristin, Hotch, Rossi, Derek, Reid, Will, Luke, Henry and Jack. (Hank and Michael were with JJ’s mom.) Your mom and dad had just left to double check on Penelope, since she didn’t have anyone to do the mom fussing thing. Which you were extremely grateful for, because you hated the mom fussing thing.

You double checked your cheek bruise had remained well hidden. Slowly you went around and thanked everyone for coming. As it was a lesbian wedding, nothing was strictly traditional. You were in white, but it was a lace-less dress with a matching jacket that only came to your boobs. You had no veil, but a decorative headband that looked slightly like ears. Derek was Penny’s best man as Carlos was yours.

You had given your sister and Kristen the bridesmaid title because it was easiest. They wore dresses like JJ, Emily and Tara, which were pale blue cocktail dresses that hit all of their gorgeous waists just so. Each woman wore her hair differently and that was fine with you. The “bridesfellows”, your dad and Penny’s brothers were in grey linen suits without ties. Derek and Carlos wore matching suits, but with pale blue bow ties to signify their important role.

“Hey there, how’s my girl’s girl?” Derek’s smooth voice pulled you in. You leaned your shoulder against him, letting him stare into your eyes to ensure your resolve. You smirked once he nodded.

“Thanks so much for coming back for the wedding, we both really appreciate it.”

“Are you kidding? I, we, wouldn’t miss this for the world!” Derek explained. “I have never seen her so happy, Y/N. This is what its all about, ya know?”

You did. Since dating Penelope you had learned so much about what her team did, about how much evil was truly out there. And about the fiercest of optimists holding down the fort in Quantico guiding the team via phone calls and video conferencing. Your future wife was extraordinary. She helped families of murder victims find peace. She brought sunshine and love into any room she walked through. Not to mention she had curves for days. Yes, this was what life was all about. Finding someone you love, who loves you back and never letting go.

The service was held outside in a large field beside the hall. The focal point a large oak tree where a simple wicker archway was constructed. There were aged wooden folding chairs in two grouping on either side of a narrow footpath.

The Justice of the Peace had obligingly wore a top hat and tails. He was a gruff man in his sixties, but he could put anyone at ease with his casual banter. He was Derek in another 25 years. Hotch and Rossi had done a perfect job escorting the guests to their seats. You knew your flirty grandmother would be all over Rossi so you accidentally on purpose sat them together for the dinner hour.

The sun was shining in the late afternoon as you walked down the aisle. You carried no flowers but had one arm hooked with each of your parents. The string musicians in the corner played a simple version of the Elephant Love Medley from Moulin Rouge. You had made it, the end of the aisle. You turned and hugged both of your parents’ necks, trying not to cry, yet.

They quickly sat down in your front row, besides Hotch and Rossi. The attendants walked in solo starting with Carlos, then Derek, your sister, then JJ, Kristin, Emily, then Tara and finally Reid. You didn’t care that the sides were uneven, because everyone would be one big family after today. Then there was Jack and Henry carrying a pillow shaped like a keyboard with the rings tied atop.

As Penny’s brothers entered the aisle and turned their backs to you, the music changed. The guests rose and suddenly there she was. She was fabulous. She had her hair down in lose curls. Her take of Alice’s dress showed layers of underskirts. The pale blue and white fading into a long train. She had a sleek side veil sprouting from a tiny top hat tucked on to a head band. Her Cheshire Cat smile beaming back at you.

She stopped and walked with each brother down the aisle, once she got to the next one the previous brother stepped back and carried her train. When she reached her oldest brother of the four at the first row, the Garcia family met you at the altar. The tears were coming steadily now, but you powered through, wiping your eyes with your knuckles gently.

Your lovely bride had arrived in full pageantry. She held you in her brown eyed gaze, tears just beginning to show. You leaned in and hugged her brother and then took her hands gently in yours. She already had a tissue wadded up in her fist. The welcome, the readings, the song were all a blur of reverence and happy excitement from the crowd. Eventually the Judge got your attention away from your gorgeous bride so you could begin your vows.

You reached into the inside breast pocket of your jacket and pulled out your handwritten vows. Memorizing was overrated. In your right hand you held her hand as you began to pour your heart out.

“Penelope Garcia, I, Y/F/N Y/L/N, take you for the tech goddess you are.

I promise to love, support and inspire you.

I swear to be faithful and honest.

Through apocalypses, malfunctions and full moons,

For now, forever and through every timeline, I will be yours.

Xena to your Gabrielle,

Tara to your Willow,

Ron to your Hermione,

Leia to your Han,

River to your Doctor.”

She was smirking and swinging your hand back and forth.

“Y/F/N Y/L/N, I, Penelope Garcia take you for the bad ass bitch that you are.

I promise to love you, support and inspire you.

I swear to be faithful and honest, because we all know I cannot lie.

Through the dark side, hunger games and black holes,

For now, forever and back again, I will be yours.

Zoe to your Wash,

Castiel to your Dean,

Sam to your Frodo,

Zelda to your Link,

Jenny to your Vastra.”

The tingling was getting ridiculous. She had memorized hers. You took your opening, you didn’t need permission anyway. You slipped your hand around her corseted waist and pulled her close. “I love you.” You whispered and kissed her fiercely. The crowd around you erupted in applause and joyous hoots. When eventually, you pulled back from the kiss, she whispered back, “I know.”

The grinning Justice of the Peace cleared his throat and declared, “I now present Mrs. and Mrs. Garcia-Y/L/N.” You held Penny’s flowers between your joined hands and thrust them in the air. The musicians played a lively “Edge of Glory” by Lady Gaga as you walked back down the pathway and into the reception hall.

Walking into the hall was like walking into a daydream. The setting sun was filtering through the large windows casting a hushed luminescence over the array of circular tables. They were all set with mix matched china and glassware. There were centerpieces made out of old tea cups securely stacked at odd angles holding lit candles. The fairy lights in the corners of the room in decorative trees framed assortments of books and bottles, someone had made a magnificent replica of the Cheshire Cat and set him in the tree behind your seats.

The head table was made up of three large banquet tables in a U shape, allowing everyone to converse. The waitstaff were all in simple black and white, but wore red or black aprons with card markings on them. You had entered Wonderland’s Tea Party and Queen’s Garden all at once. After the initial shock and “awe’s” you escorted your wife to her chair, humming “A Very Merry Un-Birthday” under your breath.

“Ella ha sido mi mejor amiga durante muchos años. Demasiados, creeme!” Carlos was wrapping up his speech, his humor reaching about ten people as he gave the entire thing in Spanish. You knew he did it to keep it special for you, protecting your secrets to only those he deemed worthy. You were laughing through your tears, especially when you caught your Grandma’s face at a total loss. He raised his glass and finished with a resounding, “Salud!”

Everyone answered back, “Salud!”

Now it was Derek’s turn to take the microphone. Penny inhaled dramatically because she knew, you all knew this was going to be a good one. “To those of you that don’t know me, my name is Derek Morgan and up until a few months ago I worked with a very special lady. Our very own Penelope Garcia.” The BAU team cheered drunkenly from their seats. You reached around her chair, holding her close to you for this emotional process.

“Garcia and I go way back, in fact there was a time when Hotch and I had arrested her, but that was just because we needed her. We always needed her. I have said it before and I will say it again. ‘You are my God-given solace’. I would not be the husband, father or man I am today without you talking me through some of the darkest times. I can never thank you enough, Penelope.” Derek cleared his throat and looked back out to the crowd. “Then this mystery woman entered into my Baby Girl’s life and I was a little bit suspicious, understandably so. The FBI doesn’t let just ANYONE around our personal sunshine. No, that someone has to be special. Because our Garcia deserves only the best. And I am happy to report that Y/N passed every test and curve ball we could have imagined. You make her happy. I can only wish you this feeling, this overwhelming joy and security for the rest of your lives. Man, I can feel the love radiating from the two of you, it’s magical. Let’s raise our glasses to Penelope and Y/N!”

Derek swaggered over and kissed Penelope’s cheek and then your bruised one. “Ow, easy now!” You winced but hugged him all the same. “That was beautiful thank you Morgan.”

“My pleasure ladies, now I need to find my wife before the music starts.” And he was gone. You turned and hugged Carlos as he slouched into his seat with a fresh cocktail. “It was perfect!”

“D’you really think so? I was so nervous.” Carlos looked pale. You just fixed his collar and patted his back. Suddenly Alvez appeared, apparently wanting to give his regards to your Best Man as well. You winked and turned back to join your wife in conversation with JJ.

“Three is perfect, I think three is the goal.” Penelope mused.

“But then you’re out numbered! I think two is plenty for me.” JJ replied.

“Are we talking about kids, already?” You rolled your eyes, “The ink isn’t even dry yet.” Twisting Penelope’s hair gently in your fingers.

“Well, fur babies actually.” She murmured. You leaned in and rubbed her nose with your nose.

“Good answer.” Sealed with a tender kiss.

The DJ had called the chattering room to attention. The dance space had been cleared and the lights dimmed. Quietly you had found your place on the edge of the floor holding Penelope’s hand. The opening bars to Norah Jones’ “Come Away With Me” rang through out the room. You exhaled and drew her soft body into yours. You spun in a gentle circle, leaning your head onto her shoulder. You were drunk on the easy silence in the bubble of the two of you.

As the ending snare rattled into the next song, the BAU and your friends joined you on the dance floor. The upbeat strumming of Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours” rocked out of the speakers and you sang out happily. You and your wife danced wildly, with swinging arms and obnoxious voices crooning to each other. And the couples and friends spun in varying paces around you, a blur of happiness and colors.

So please don’t please don’t please don’t There’s no need to complicate ‘Cause our time is short This, oh this, this is our fate, I’m yours

@milkandcookies528 @marvelfanlife @dontshootmespence @imagicana @reidbyers @rachficrecs