#mentions of Dr. Cho

[caws5749]

Useless in A Good Way

A/N: oh, another fic where she writes a pregnant reader… YES IM SORRY but I’ve dreamt of being pregnant since I was little and it’s my biggest dream so here we go again 😭I’m working on requests as well but this just popped into my head. I felt very... out of practice with the last few pieces but writing this... I feel good again.

You laughed lightly, shaking your head at some inappropriate joke Tony made after Clint won the round of whatever card game they were playing. Natasha’s hand rested on your thigh, squeezing accidentally while she laughed. The music played in the background, barely heard over the nearly hundred voices that filled the main room of the compound for the latest party Tony had deemed necessary.

You turned your head towards your wife to admire her for a moment. Nat caught your eye, sending you an admiring smile that she reserved only for you.

“You look radiant,” she murmured, leaning in closer to press a chaste kiss to your lips. You blushed, loving the red that still tainted your cheeks after four years of marriage.

"You look like home," you replied quietly, just barely loud enough for her- and Steve (curse that super soldier's hearing)- to hear.

She really did look like home. Her dress was long sleeve and snug, ending just below her knees and made of the softest cashmere. It was cozy and warm and loving, just like her, just like home.

The smile she let show threatened to overtake her lips, so she ducked her head as she always did. Perhaps even more so, considering the amount of alcohol she'd ingested.

You were the only one not drinking, which probably had something to do with the fact that you were seven months pregnant... with twins. You felt like you could hardly move and you the thought of two more months made you simultaneously groan and smile. Not to mention, you hadn't used your powers in a few months; the pregnancy hormones had affected your abilities in a questionable way, and the last time you had tried to let the familiar cool water flow from your hands, nothing had happened. It simply seemed that they had.. petered out. And you were warned by Dr. Cho to avoid trying to use them too much anyway.

"I should probably go check on the intelligence report," you said, sighing. Given that you were the only completely sober being present, it was your task to check on the latest intelligence report currently running after some curious and daunting messages of late.

Natasha nearly pouted, before standing and gripping your forearms with the gentle strength that only your wife could perfect. You groaned, all of your muscles giving maximum effort to stand from a seated position, your large abdomen giving you little room to move.

"God, I have two more months of that," you muttered.

"And it's only going to get harder," Clint chimed in, chuckling sympathetically. You sent him a mock glare.

"I'll go with you," Nat stated, a hand falling to your back. She hardly let you go anywhere alone, not that you minded. Living in the Avengers compound was one of the safest places there was, but it also was a target.

"Sit, I'll go," Steve said, "I've got to check on Bucky anyway."

"Finally, Natasha, it is your turn to lose so one money," Tony grinned, shuffling the deck of cards. Your wife retook her seat, rolling her eyes.

Steve met you next to the couch, offering an arm, which you took gladly. The team had been nothing but supportive after finding out about the pregnancy. They were all in agreement regarding your safety and protection. It was automatic at this point for them to watch over you, something that warmed your heart daily.

"How is Bucky?" you questioned.

"He misses being able to walk," Steve chuckled. "That's what he gets for fighting on a torn knee."

"It's been a week since surgery, right?"

He nodded. "And another week before he'll be able to get up and walk on it."

You hummed sympathetically. It was what all of you hated the most- feeling useless, being unable to be an Avenger. You had grown quite accustomed to the feeling.

Your friend, reached out with his other hand to open the door for you, following you inside the intelligence room, curious what the report would say too.

You studied the screen and briefly leafed through some papers, stopping at another odd message printed. Your brow furrowed.

"What is it?" Steve asked.

"It's a date. Today," you answered, looking up to read his expression.

You'd seen the confusion and slight nervousness in his face before glass shattered in the not-so-far distance. Steve looked at you, panicked.

"We need to get you to the bunker."

"We don't even know what's-"

"It doesn't matter," he interrupted. Shouting then could be heard, growing closer in a split second. "Now."

You moved as quickly as you could, exiting only after Steve cleared the hallway. The two of you moved with expertise, albeit a bit slower than normal, towards the stairs. He helped you down the stairs, hurrying you along without rushing you. When you turned down the hallway that held the bunker, several beings masked in dark leather suits and glowing face shields awaited you.

"Stay back," Steve commanded, not even waiting for a response before running toward them at full speed. He pulled a knife from his pocket and set to work. You felt utterly useless, powerless, as you watched them swarm him. A few tried to sneak past to you, but he wouldn't let them come even close. You stood, anxious, barely breathing. Two swift hits to the stomach and knees had Steve knocked on the ground, stumbling for his footing. On instinct, you stepped forward, hands out in front of you.

You had no thoughts as you summoned the familiar tingle of your powers, forgetting completely that they may not even work for you. When coolness flowed through your fingertips, you only then realized you hadn't been able to do that for a while, and you probably shouldn't be doing it now.

But it didn't matter, there were enemies at hand, and you were an Avenger.

So you let a wave hit the men with everything you had. It was nowhere what you had attempted to do, but it worked nonetheless. It gave Steve the opportunity he needed to jump up and take them out quickly.

He took the remaining problems out with ease and then ran back to you.

"Are you hurt?"

"No, you?"

"You shouldn't have used your powers," he said aloud, more a fact and realization at what you had done rather than a scolding.

"I know."

"Bunker," he stated, gently pushing you towards the door. "Stay inside until you get the 'all clear."

You nodded, finding the hidden keypad and locking yourself inside.

++++++

When Steve returned back up to the party, he found several similar bodies strewn about and a few slightly out of breath Avengers.

"Y/N?" Natasha demanded.

"In the bunker, safe and unharmed."

She nodded, a thanks to her good friend.

"Anybody know what the hell is going on?" Clint asked, setting his bow and arrow down.

"Just today's date written down in a message, we just saw it in the report but couldn't piece anything together," Steve answered.

Natasha heard that and knew there was nothing to answer for now, so she started towards the hallway.

"Nat, she used her powers."

Your wife turned on her heel at that, whipping in the soldier's direction faster than lightning.

"Call Cho," was all she said.

++++++

"Natasha is entering," JARVIS announced, causing you to sit upright, eyes glued to the door.

"Oh, thank god," your wife muttered, seeing you sitting unscathed. "Are you alright?" She rushed over to you, kneeling in front of you, eyes scanning your form, hand coming to rest against your cheek after she found nothing.

"I'm fine. Are you?" You turned to plant a kiss to her palm.

"Fine. You used your powers."

"Well, somewhat. They didn't work exactly right," you responded, frowning.

"What happened?"

You told her how you had saved Steve, well only by giving him a slight edge.

"What's wrong?" Natasha asked gently, picking up on your rather displeased tone.

"I feel useless," you whispered, tears pooling in your eyes as you shifted your gaze downward. Gentle fingers tugged your chin upwards until you were forced to meet those familiar emerald eyes.

"You are growing two human beings. That is not useless. I know you aren't avenging right now, but you did just save Steve, even if your powers were limited. Just because you can't do what you normally used to doesn't mean you aren't doing other things that aren't just as amazing, baby."

The corners of your lips twitched upwards, your mood already lifting.

"That's my girl. Now let's go upstairs, Cho is going to check you out."

"Natasha, I'm-"

"I don't care if you're fine," she tutted. "I'm not taking any chances."

With that, she kissed you softly and helped you upright.

++++++

BONUS

"And you know what she said?" Steve asked, a hand placed over his heart as he sat next to Bucky in bed. "You look like home." He sighed softly, as he thought of his two friends who were so beyond perfect for one another.

"How is that supposed to make my knee better?"

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Aurora

strategist!yunho x spy!reader

falling in love with the enemy?au

genre and warnings: some fluff, loads of angst, slow burn, suggestive, manipulation, betrayal, lies lies lies, blood and violence warnings, swearing, human lab rats, mentions of self-harm (picking at old scars), lmk if i missed sth.

word count: 26.5k

synopsis: you're finally working at halaland's most prestigious research centre as a skilled cryptographer. reality is, you're a utopian spy trained by the crescents to uncover the suspicious activity in the medical research department. to get there, you must first become a part of jeong yunho's strategy team and win his favour. however, as you both get closer, the presence of secrets burden you both and you know you're up for eventual heartbreak when you fall in love. you dread when he'll learn who you truly are.

manager-nim: @eightmakesonebraincell (made sure i got my ass working on this and yeah couldn't have done this without her <3)

You didn’t know what you were expecting when you stepped within Halaland, legally, for the first time. One could argue about the legality of your admission into the country but as far as everyone was concerned, you were a Halaland native returning from Mist Island after training.  

“The wind is not different. The land is the same. I wonder why we have so many differences?” You wondered out loud and Seonghwa shot you a warning look, making the others in the car squirm.

“No matter how much this place feels like home, remember what you are here for,” Seonghwa looked at all three of you as he said. Everyone nodded in synchrony. “As of this moment… we’re strangers and I’m just the poor Mr. Park who was unfortunate enough to be collecting young female researchers from around the continent. Now… I hope you all remember who you are?”

“Aurora,” you called your new name, the way it rolled off your lips feeling foreign even to you. “For the cryptography team.”

“And the strategy team if you’re lucky,” Seonghwa reminded you of the first step towards your ultimate goal and you gulped, nodding. While he talked to Byeol and Nami, you resorted to watching the apple farm pass by as you drew closer to the Capital.

If someone had asked you a few years ago- before the war with Utopia began- what profession you saw yourself in, you’d say teaching in a breath. Teaching maths. Your original dream, before Halaland announced war on your home and snatched everything from you- family, friends, and dreams.

It was ironic that you were now in the very land you hated to the core, as their researcher. As the notorious Halazia Research Center- home to the most dangerous weapons on the continent- came into view, you couldn’t help but wow at the endless array of towers and buildings that must make up half of the Capital. It looked plain enough for the horrors it had been producing for a decade now. You straightened and put on a practised smile before you stopped at the gate for identification.

Thankfully, none of you held your breath as they went through your tags and got a good look at you. Seonghwa said a few words to the guards and then they let you through, leading the car to the Security Office.

You got off and took a quick glance around at the grey structure and the signs in their native language before greeting the middle-aged man who you very well recognised.

“Ladies, it’s a pleasure to finally have you here,” he took off his hat and tipped his head in greeting and the three of you curtsied. “I am Dr. Eric Cho, co-director of Halazia. I hope your journey wasn’t too troublesome- I understand you had to travel through land due to the circumstances…”

“Not at all,” Byeol passed her trademark gummy smile, one that charmed not only men but women as well. “I always wanted to see what Utopia looked like. I have to admit it wasn’t much.”

Dr. Cho seemed to like that attitude and he laughed out loud. “I’m sure it’s got some hidden gems too.”

“We travelled around the border so they probably don’t have much to share about the sights,” Seonghwa dug out cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the doctor and you watched them light each other’s cigarettes, sharing a moment which made rage simmer in your throat but you tightened your smile- Seonghwa was only acting. “Shall I take them inside?”

Dr. Cho motioned for one of the officers to escort you inside the Security Office and you weren’t surprised by how thoroughly you were all checked- they didn’t spare one inch on your body, which made you feel a bit uncomfortable. When you were done and came outside, Dr. Cho scanned you.

“Are you the one who decrypted our code in the shortest time so far?”

“3 minutes and 28 seconds, Doctor,” you saluted. “Aurora Han at your service.”

“That’s a whole 2 minutes shorter than the previous record-holder,” his eyes twinkled and you passed a proud smile. “Do you know what can happen in 2 minutes?”

“The world can change in 2 seconds.”

“I like her,” Dr. Cho laughed. “Cryptography Department, is it?”

“Keep an eye on her,” Seonghwa nodded. “Puzzles are not the only thing she is good at.”

Before the doctor could ask more, Byeol and Nami were out and the five of you had lunch where the doctor briefed you about the ambitions of this research centre and what they were striving for. It was pretty well rehearsed and felt like something he had narrated multiple times so you just listened to every word and nodded like a schoolgirl. After that, you followed an officer to the Cryptography Department where you filled the paperwork so you could get a pass and start working from tomorrow.

“Shall I ask one of those guys to give you a tour of the department?” The officer asked, looking pretty tired.

“It’s alright, I’ll just find my way to the dorms, I think the fatigue is finally catching up,” you said and he bowed before leaving. You picked up your belongings and exited the office, taking a deep breath.

This was it.

After 3 years of training as a member of Crescent- a group of spies in Utopia that infiltrated into Halaland to find something, anything to win the goddamned war, you were finally here. As you walked along the corridors, peeking into the labs and memorising the path, you couldn’t help but feel both terror and a sense of accomplishment. You weren’t afraid, no. You were terrified of the fact that whatever you did here could turn the tide of the war.

You were looking at the picture of the alumni of the department, recalling their names in your head. You remembered what the Captain- the mastermind behind the Crescents- had said time and time again:

“The easiest way to get wherever you want is to get into your senior’s good graces. The easiest way to get caught, however, comes after that.”

You were staring holes at the picture of the person you wanted to approach first when someone cleared their throat behind you, making you nearly jump out of your skin.

“You seem to know them.”

You turned around with a hand on your heart, greeted by a tall figure in a uniform you very well recognised, the black outfit producing a striking contrast with the gold medals and red details. The Strategy Department.

“Of course I know them,” you managed to say as you took a careful step away. “Who doesn’t?”

He smiled, standing beside you. “Are you the new recruit?”

“I thought that was obvious,” you couldn’t help yourself and he grinned. You stifled a smile- he had quite a friendly face. “Do you work here too?”

“I work… around,” he said and you didn’t probe further. “I’m mostly on the field though. I bring data back. So… Miss?”

“Han. Han Aurora,” you told him and he nodded.

“Aurora,” he tested, a subtle raise of his brow as he scanned you and you licked your suddenly dry lips. “Do you need help finding the dorms? I reckon you’d want to get rid of your bags before you memorise every face on the frames in this hall.”

“Sadly, yes,” you replied. You could return his humour if that was what he wanted. He seemed to be pleased and offered to hold your bags but you insisted you were fine.

“Let me have my gentleman moment, please,” he laughed and you finally handed him your bags. 

“I thought you’d have quite a bit of those moments on ‘the field’,” you commented as you walked beside him. 

“Not really,” he shook his head. “I’m only a gentleman when I’m not on the field.”

You ooh-ed dramatically at that, making him grin. After walking to the third floor and taking a few turns, you finally arrived outside the rooms.

“Men on the left, women on right,” he pointed. “You could probably choose your own room there. We don’t have many women in this field.”

“Well, I’ll take my bag from here,” you smiled. “Thank you, Mr…?”

“Jeong Yunho, from the Strategy Department.”

—-------------------

The lab in the Cryptography Department was going to be your workplace and it was everything you had expected- a bit tense, occasional jokes to lighten the mood, some of them scribbling while the others typing endlessly into the computers. You weren’t surprised by the vibe.

However, you were surprised when Jeong Yunho from yesterday introduced himself as a member of the Cryptography Department.

“He’s everywhere, you’ll get used to it,” Dr. Takashi, your team leader, said dismissively.

“When you’re from the Strategy Department… you need to be everywhere,” Yunho explained with a grin.

“Sounds fun,” you made a face and began setting your things on the desk, glancing around. “So what are your contributions to the Cryptography Department, Mr. Jeong?”

“Call me Yunho,” he smiled. “I’ll admit, not much. It’s you guys who will be cracking all the codes. Meanwhile, you, Miss Aurora, will be reporting to Dr. Takashi there with all your findings at the end of the day, and if you’re good enough, who knows? You might be assigned to my team.”

“He’s just pulling your leg,” Kate, who sat nearest to your desk, rolled around in her chair and looked pointedly at Yunho. “He’s the Strategy Department’s ace. Anyone who comes under his wing either ends up losing it or begging to quit, because once you’re assigned to him? Your life gets harder.”

“Ah, is that why you’re purposely slacking off these days, Kate?” Yunho raised a brow in challenge and Kate pursed her lips guiltily.

You remembered every detail about Jeong Yunho from the files you had read on him. Skilled cryptographer though he was playing humble here, very skilled strategist and you supposed the title of ‘ace’ fit him since his contributions stretched across multiple departments, including the Medical Department- your end goal. You knew in your bones that this man was dangerous and you could not afford a single mistake around him, but the fact that he was so… relaxed? Cheerful? Quite a contrast to the otherwise tense environment in the lab.

It put you off guard, and you did not like it.

“Shall I… try then?” You asked, drawing their attention. “I’ve been told I’m not that bad a strategist.”

“Hmm, my team has grown smaller in number in the past few months,” Yunho considered. “I like that ambition. Dr. Cho had a lot to say about you, so if you prove yourself, I might personally put in a request for you to be on my team.”

“I’m suddenly not sure if I want that,” you laughed nervously and Kate snickered.

“Yunho, you’re scaring the new kid! Get out of here, it’s only her first day, don’t overwhelm her,” Kate practically pushed Yunho out of the cubicle, his laugh ringing in the lab and the others present smiling faintly as he passed by. You frowned a bit- it was only a few hours into your first day but it was already full of surprises.

The rest of the day passed by with you studying the codes that came in for the day- thankfully, Halaland hadn’t cracked Utopia’s code of communication yet. You, of course, knew exactly what it said, being one of the masterminds behind the code creation, however, you knew you were going to be treading on dangerous waters here. You remembered what the Captain had told you-

“It’s harder to pretend that you don’t know anything than to pretend you know something. So when you see our code, how will you blend in? If you don’t provide a meaningful contribution, they’re going to transfer you out of the Capital. That means you’re done for. However, if you crack the code entirely, that means you’ve studied similar codes, which means you might be acting as a spy. So what will you do?”

“Lay low for a while and then plant an idea in someone’s head,” you had replied. “When the person gets closer to cracking the code, I’ll step in and steal the spotlight. They might call me shameless for it but in the end, what will matter is that it would be me who eventually cracked the code.”

It was only a matter of ‘when’ now, and you would thankfully be getting that message through this very code soon, by the Captain himself. Before that, you were going to start putting your plan into action and build your background so that you coming to the solution wouldn’t seem out of the blue.

And that meant you had to trick the entire Cryptography Department. That was easy- they lived in their own heads.

But could you trick Jeong Yunho? 

Later in your room, you changed into your nightgown and sat at your desk, peeking out of the window to see Dr. Cho conversing with some strangers. You shut your eyes, recalling the lesson you had learnt every day for the past two years- 

“You’re my asset, Aurora,” the Captain said and your eyes widened in surprise- the man rarely ever complimented anyone on their skill, let alone call them their ‘asset’. “You’re everything I needed.”

“And what’s that?” 

“An innocent face with a deadly brain and a frozen heart,” he patted your arm, looking down at the scar that ran down from your elbow- an ugly gash that was a sign that you were a survivor. “You’d make my perfect little spy. You’re my ace, Aurora.”

You picked at the scar as you told yourself what you were here for. 

Revenge. Plain and simple. Revenge for the people you lost, the home they took from you, the families they broke. 

All hail Utopia, you whispered to yourself as you met eyes with Dr. Cho through the window.

—----------------------

You let a few uneventful days pass by before you took your first step- which was to steer your colleagues further away from cracking Utopia’s code of communication by pointing them in a similar but totally opposite direction. 

It was simple enough- creating notes from the past few attempts of the Cryptography Department, reading books and books of code and puzzles in your spare time which you would spend either in the lab or in the cafeteria, anywhere where you had eyes. You immersed yourself in codebreaking like your teammates but with your progress, you proved everyday that you were better than the others by a good margin.

It was to the point that even your colleagues like Kate, who had initially cared if you were eating well, stopped caring altogether- you could clearly handle yourself. However, as soon as they stopped, you made sure to slack on eating, to doze off while working or scratch your hair out in frustration when you came upon a dead end. That certainly prompted some of them to ask you to take a break, reminding you that a burdened mind would be no good here.

Yunho visited twice- once with confidential information that only Dr. Takashi had the privilege to hear, and the second time to ‘glance’ around, as he put it.

He fired two people that day.

You were standing by a window and recalling the events of that day when Yunho spotted you and joined.

“What are you looking at?”

“The sky’s clear,” you replied casually.

The sky is clear. No aircrafts. No smoke. No cries of the mourners filling the seemingly permanent darkness of the sky.

“I hope you weren’t too surprised by the events of that day,” he glanced at you and you wondered if he had read your mind. “You should have guessed by now that whenever I visit, I’m actually evaluating.”

“I’m… not exactly surprised, I expected that,” you laughed nervously, not meeting his eyes. “I’ve heard enough about you and your fellows from the Strategy Department. I’m just… wondering why Strategy holds the authority to do that. I thought the Head of Cryptography did that?”

“You’re right,” Yunho nodded. “But your Head of Department is far too busy for such meagre tasks. He lets us handle it. Why do you think we hold that authority?”

You looked at him this time. “Because every second is valuable, and you cannot afford to entertain people who’re not contributing?”

“Something along those lines, but to be exact, we cannot afford the people who waste our resources. We’re few in numbers but we need maximum output. And for that, we need people who do not slack, or who at least try. So my next question is, how much are you trying, Aurora?”

Your heart sank despite all the training you had done before arriving here. “I cannot be the judge of that.”

“Exactly. You said you’re not a bad strategist. I see potential in you, but so far I haven’t seen output, Aurora. So if you at least want to stay in the Cryptography Department, I’ll need to see something significant soon.”

Asshole, you thought. You cleared your throat. “I do have this notion that I'm entertaining. I won’t spill until I’m at least 51 percent sure, but I think it could turn the tide.”

“Is that so?” Yunho raised a curious brow. 

“I’m just trying my best… Sir.”

Yunho laughed heartily at your sudden use of title and you almost glared daggers at him though his hearty laugh forced your lips to curve a bit. “I’m not pulling rank on you- that was not my intention. But… you keep working on that, okay? I’d like to hear what you’re thinking, even if you’re 49 percent sure.”

With that, he walked off and you watched his tall figure until he paused and turned, catching you staring at him.

“And Aurora?”

“Yes?”

“It’s Yunho for you,” he smiled, disappearing into the shadows. You found yourself stifling a smile at the man who could be both ice cold and warm as the sun.

Who could either unintentionally push you to success in this mission or destroy you if he learned of your true identity.

—---------------------

It was your first day off since you arrived at the facility, but you weren’t going to waste it roaming around. You had a number of tasks for today and you couldn’t risk getting caught.

You woke up at the crack of dawn and went out for your usual jog but to meet Seonghwa this time and exchange information. A few days ago you hid a letter behind one of the tires of his truck and you were going to get your answer today. You spotted Seonghwa and said hi.

“I hope you’ve adjusted well,” he asked, not daring to glance around. The people here may not have their eyes everywhere but they sure had ears.

“I’m managing,” you said with a short laugh. “Did you just get back?”

“No, I’m leaving,” Seonghwa said and you nodded slowly. “I think I’ll be on the road for a while this time.”

“I see… have a safe journey, and may the fates be with you,” you said- the farewell greeting of Mist Island. “And may you not have a problem with the tires. That one looks flat.”

“Yeah, I called someone to help me out with that,” Seonghwa scratched the back of his neck tiredly. 

“Well, I’ll be resuming my jog now.”

“Go along, and good luck with whatever the hell you’re doing here,” Seonghwa laughed lightly. “If I get praised to have found you, I’ll assume you’ve succeeded.”

“Of course, I’ll make you proud,” you saluted sarcastically before going back to your jog and analysing the conversation you just had in your head.

You had talked in code- subtle hints on what to do. Seonghwa was going somewhere far but would be travelling through Utopia- the reason he said he’d be on the road for a while. You had pointed out the flat tire where you had sneaked in a note for him a few days earlier. He had answered your question- you were doing good and now you needed to play the cards right- you needed to proceed with the plan.

So later that day, you went to Dr. Takashi and asked him why everyone in the department was analysing Utopia’s code according to maths and logic, rather than language itself.

Dr. Takashi looked at you in confusion. “What exactly are you implying?”

“I’m saying,” you swallowed, pretending to gather your courage- you knew Dr. Takashi rarely bought anyone's bullshit. “Yes, codes are usually connected to maths. It’s some simple formula, some calculation. But what if Utopia’s code is a play on language itself? Utopian language? What if, for instance, this word-” you pointed at what seemed like a random scribble, “-what if this word is a made-up word from different words, or even languages?”

“I understand what you’re implying, but I’m sure someone has already entertained this possibility before you. What makes this time different?”

“If we can crack even one word…” you began. “We could decipher the entire code. We just need to focus on patterns and repetitions and check the similarities with Utopian vocabulary or other languages.”

Dr. Takashi thought for a moment, running a hand through his salt and pepper hair. He looked at you for a few moments and then picked up the phone. You raised a brow in confusion, watching him click 2 for the Strategy Department.

“It’s- it’s just a possibility I was wondering we could entertain- are you gonna fire me?” 

“Relax,” Dr. Takashi chuckled and then cleared his throat when the line connected. “This is Dr. Takashi from Cryptograph. Could I have someone from Strategy? I think we might have something worth checking out.”

This time your surprise was a bit genuine- you hadn’t expected him to immediately ring the Strategy Department. You prayed Yunho would come- you had met another person from that department and he really wasn’t pleasant to be around.

But when Yunho entered, he had a knowing smile. “I knew it had something to do with the newcomer.”

“You’re quick,” Dr. Takashi commented. “You should hear her out.”

“51 percent sure?” Yunho asked and you nodded, the doctor looking between you two, lost. “Go ahead then. Surprise me.”

You showed your own framework and explained how with an approach that targeted repetitions and patterns in the Utopian language and worked on unjumbling it might work better and resultantly, shorten the workload. You explained that the focus should be on lingual patterns instead of mathematical ones. If you manage to crack some part of the code, you could at least make some sense of the whole message.

“That’s actually not such a bad idea. Why hasn't anyone entertained this possibility yet? It’s not a new approach as far as I know,” Yunho asked. 

“A similar approach was suggested by someone a few days earlier, but they weren't sure just how to implement it. Aurora here, however, seems to have built her own code as a set of guidelines. Certainly makes work easier.”

“I wouldn’t call it ‘guidelines’...” you faltered but the two weren’t impressed by your lack of confidence.

“You built this code in how many days exactly?” Yunho asked, grabbing the document and checking it out. 

“One day. 14 hours, to be exact.”

“And this is new? I haven’t seen something like this before, have you, Dr. Takashi?”

“I don’t think so either,” he peeked at the table. “I think you’re not meant to be here, Aurora.”

“What do you mean?” Your heart skipped a beat.

“I mean you should be creating instead of cracking,” Dr. Takashi was clearly impressed, glancing at Yunho as if to dare him to contradict his statement. Yunho, however, remained quiet until he had finished reading the code.

“I think I’ll have the team split into half- one of them can go with this approach while the other continue with their progress. I’ll have you manage that, Dr. Takashi. As for you, Aurora…” he glanced at you, face void of expressions. “Continue entertaining more possibilities- don’t waste time merging with a team unless you’re sure you’re onto something. And this time, I’ll have your ideas that you’re only about 40 percent sure as well.”

You nodded eagerly and he finally smiled. “Good work there.”

“Thank you,” you smiled and Yunho asked Dr. Takashi if he could have a word. You went back to your seat and watched the two talk in hushed voices, glancing at you. You pretended to get back to work, glad that you were the only one who could hear the thumping of your heart.

You’d done it. You had diverted the attention when they came close to actually cracking Utopia’s code. And you might just have landed a seat in the Strategy Department- you were pretty sure the two were discussing it, though you knew the type of person Jeong Yunho was, he would wait a good while and test you a lot more before ever giving you access to the facility’s perhaps most important department.

—-------------------

You stood outside the Medical Department- the largest building in the entire facility, and you sure felt like an outsider in front of the enormous doors. You showed the guard your permit and identification card and he let you in, handing you a pamphlet with a map and requesting that you follow the directions instead of roaming around.

You ignored that. You came to roam around. 

You stood in the hallway, a stretch of white and gold leading to glass doors on either side of you, the one on the left for emergency (ICU) and handling outdoor patients (OPD). Most of the traffic was around there, but-

The Medical Research Department was on your right, a semi-restricted area that you needed to get access to. The one the Captain told you about. Your origin as a spy and your end goal.

The war was going to turn 10 this year. Halaland’s war hadn’t always been with Utopia- in fact, Utopia had once been Halaland’s strongest ally, until some political strife that was unknown even to the most trusted agents of Utopia caused Halaland to ‘unwillingly’ turn their weapons towards Utopia- which happened about 4 years ago. 

The Captain had told you that the strife was born due to some disagreement in Medical Research. Utopia and Halaland had worked very closely there, and now it was your job now to see if it was just a coincidence that none of the Utopians made it back alive after being expelled when the two went against each other.

You wondered if the Captain was right. What could be in Medical Research? Drugs? Did they finally discover how to extend their life? Or some unexplainable discovery no one could ever begin to comprehend the notion of?

You waited until someone started going towards the right, following a middle-aged woman through the hallway until she turned towards a lab, leaving you alone in the corridor. You hid the map in your pocket and walked until you reached the sign with the layout of the building- Level 1 being the ground floor which contained labs for testing the official samples, Level 2 being the experimentation labs, and Level 3 being the restricted section. You knew all this from the information the Captain had gathered from ex-employees of this facility.

You also knew you could get access to Level 3- the restricted section- if you become a part of the strategy team. That wasn’t the end, though. Your priority was the basement that they called Level 0. The one that not even the residents of the Medical Department knew of.

The one that, if still in operation, might have something that could lead Utopia to salvation.

You heard someone come and you pretended to be lost, looking at them for help. It was a man about your age. “Looking for someone?”

“I’m wondering if I should give my blood sample here or in the OPD,” you let your voice shake nervously. 

“Cryptography Department? You must be here for your monthly exam,” he asked and you nodded. “Well, you’ll have to go to the OPD for that, but if you’re already here, I’ll save you the trip, follow me.”

You thanked him, walking a few steps behind him and he asked if you had received the map or instructions before entering. You told him it was your first month here and the guard was too busy eating snacks to provide help. The man shook his head, telling you this wasn’t the first time someone had strayed here.

After giving your blood sample, you walked back to your department slowly, calculating the outcome of each move you could make from here on. There were a number of paths the Captain had sketched for you, but he had trusted you as long as you reached your goal with minimum damage. But no matter what, you had to win Jeong Yunho’s favour and get yourself in his strategy team if you wanted to get to Level 0. 

And maybe it was time you showed Yunho just what you were made of. 

You went straight back to your lab and started working on another code-cracking framework you had been building for the last two days. Once you were done, you analysed it with a few samples of Utopia’s code.

If anyone could actually figure it out (which you were sure no one in this lab would) it could break at least half of Utopia’s code language. For days, you had built everything for this exact moment. With your heart skipping beats to the point you had to sit down and shut your eyes for a few seconds, you got up and walked to your colleague Sam.

“Can I have a moment?”

He looked up, pushing his glasses up and his tousled washed-out hair away. “Sure. What’s the matter?”

You took a seat next to him. “You specialise in the structures of codes, right? I was wondering if this framework makes any sense to you- I thought an external opinion would be good because my brain’s a mess right now and I don’t want to dump this away without being sure.”

“Ah, let me see,” Sam started going through the document and you watched him look unimpressed until you pushed at the Utopian code’s samples you had been working on, which was when he detected the pattern and looked at you in surprise.

“Where did you get this?”

“The framework? I built this-”

“No, the samples,” he began, opening his drawer and pausing to check the date on your copy of samples before rushing through his drawers, creating a mess and then asking Kate to get two copies of the samples from all the dates you had already analysed. You pretended to be nervous but you were actually sweating visibly.

“Is everything… okay?”

“Yeah- yeah, everything is okay,” he nodded, his pitch uneven. “I just need to make sure you have the right samples.”

Kate arrived, looking intrigued and you both watched Sam double-checking everything and even calling the linguist in the room. You kept scratching at the skin around your fingernails until Sam finally took off his glasses and looked at you in disbelief.

“I think you’ve done it, Aurora. We’ve never been closer to cracking the entire code.”

You almost cried out in disbelief, looking around to see the rest with genuine smiles on their faces. Sam told you to follow him to Dr. Takashi’s office where the two of you briefed him on your progress and he immediately pulled the codes that had been intercepted today and let you work on it. You decrypted about 25 percent of the code.

“It makes sense,” Dr. Takashi studied it. “Unless we’re all gaslighting ourselves to believe it does. I think we should still get Strategy to see it- if they can get this to the engineers, they might be able to feed this format into their machines, which would make decryption a matter of mere seconds. We could win this war, Aurora, because you sit holed up in a corner with those stupid gummy bears and your codes, do you understand?”

This time, your tears of happiness were real, though not for the reason they thought.

I can win this war.

“I guess it’s a battle of who falls first- Aurora’s teeth or Utopia.”

“That’s a bad joke, Sam,” you rolled your eyes, laughing. “My teeth are perfectly intact. Gummy bears are harmless.”

“Says who?”

You turned to the familiar voice- Yunho, entering and looking just as surprised to see you. “Don’t tell me you called me because someone has cavities.”

You turned to Dr. Takashi- when did he call him? Or did someone else?

“Those gummy bears might have contributed to the decryption. Take a look at this, Yunho, and tell me what you make of it.”

Yunho looked sceptical as he glanced at you before sitting down. You gulped involuntarily as he analysed the document faster than even Dr. Takashi who was supposedly the expert here. He checked the decrypted sample.

“You broke the code?” He glanced at you.

“A bit of it, it seems?” 

Yunho stared at you as if he had figured you out, scanning every bit of your face and your body language. When he finally got up, you almost sighed in relief. “I’ll get this to the Department. Aurora, follow me please.”

You gathered up the rest of the documents, arranging them as you followed Yunho who looked even taller in his uniform- perhaps he had just returned from the ‘field’. He turned as if he had felt you staring at him and smiled encouragingly, allowing you to fall in step with him.

“So what’s it about the gummy bears?”

“I may have a severe addiction, Sir.”

Yunho grinned at the way you formally put it. “And that addiction may have contributed to this outcome? If so, I might send a request to the government to send funds for… ‘snacks’.”

“Definitely,” you grinned but it fell when you felt another nervous cramp in your stomach. “Can you please tell me what to expect? I might fall down at this rate, I’m very nervous.”

“I’ll catch you if you fall,” Yunho said and your heart lurched at the way he so casually said that. “Well, Strategy is nothing like the Cryptography Department. I’m not saying your bunch is relaxed but everyone is always tense in our department. You’ll see what I mean- just try not to speak unless you’re spoken to, and try to… stick with me.”

You made an impressed face. “Thank you.”

“Thank me later,” Yunho said and you exited the building, the evening sun casting a golden glance and making Yunho’s skin glow beautifully.

“Try not to stare at anyone if you can help it,” Yunho caught you looking and you felt like you could disappear- so much for training to be subtle. Yunho always caught you looking at him and that did nothing but worsen your unnecessary want to keep looking at him.

 “I don’t stare at just anyone! What do you take me for,” you almost mumbled. “You stare more than me.”

“That’s because I’m figuring you out.”

“Who says I’m not looking at you for that reason too?” You countered.

Yunho paused, stifling his smile. “Figuring people out is a part of my job, Aurora.”

Sure is.

“Figuring people out is a part of my personality,” you simply said.

“And would you say you have me figured out? With the amount of times I’ve caught you looking at me, I bet you have…”

“Are you…” you laughed. “Trying to flirt or something? And no I haven’t figured you out, you’re a hard nut to crack.”

The sound of Yunho’s laugh warmed your heart. “That wasn’t my intention, I’m just pointing it out!”

“Sure. Your ears are very red, by the way. You might want to do something about it before we enter your department.”

Yunho shook his head in amusement. “You… you’re really something, Aurora. Before we get in there, I’m offering you something- would you like to be a part of my team?”

You raised a brow. “Just like that?”

“I think I have figured you out enough to be able to make that decision,” he got serious. “Honestly, I almost did this a few days ago when you presented that framework. I found that it made things much easier. I think with your current findings… we’ll definitely have something.”

You considered for a moment, trying to figure out what the glint in his eyes meant. Was he actually impressed? Even if he was, which you supposed everyone was at this point, he definitely had some plans for you. You weren’t sure if you wanted to join his team or someone else’s in Strategy, but goodness, was he a breath of fresh air in this land that suffocated you to the core.

“Can I tell you my answer after we’re done for the day?” You asked and he nodded earnestly, motioning for you to follow him.

The first thing you noticed when you entered the department was the noise. There were people freaking out, to put it simply. Messages exchanged across the room, people rushing around with documents in their hands, superiors barking orders- a stark contrast to the comfortable silence of Cryptography. To reel you in from that mess, Yunho put a hand on your back to guide you across the hallway, leading you to the office upstairs.

“We’re meeting the supervisor. She’ll know what to do with you, and she might offer you something better as well. I know I would too, if I was her.”

“Well, that’s certainly relaxing,” you shivered and he grinned. “Let’s get it over with.”

With a knock, Yunho entered and bowed with you following suit. “This is Aurora from the Strategy Department.”

“Ah, the one you can’t shut up about?” The supervisor said- a very elegant middle-aged woman. You turned to Yunho who was yet again blushing from his ears. “I’m Dr. Angela Choi. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

“The pleasure’s mine,” you said and took a seat.

“What do we have now?” Dr. Choi asked.

Yunho handed you whatever files he had and urged you to go ahead and explain. You straightened and knowing now was the time you needed to impress the Strategy Department, you fell into explaining the background of your approach first, briefing her about whatever progress you had made up until now.

“That’s certainly one way to look at it- more plausible than what we had so far,” Dr. Choi studied your framework. “I like this. Even if it doesn’t work, the approach you’re taking is fresh. Perhaps because you’re young?” She laughed.

“Come on, you’re not too old yourself,” Yunho laughed along and you could sense they were comfortable with each other. “Aurora, she’s… quick. Intelligent.”

“Yes, I think someone like her shouldn’t be hiding in Cryptography,” Dr. Choi seated back, looking relaxed. “Perhaps she should join our department. Maybe with the computer scientists? They’ve been trying endlessly to make their decryption devices more efficient. They just don’t have the right data to feed in. I’ll hand them this data- it could change the course of this war. You understand that, Aurora?”

“I do, but,” you looked around. “I expected this conversation to be more… tense.”

“I understand. I must seem very laid back, huh?” Dr. Choi smiled. “I haven’t sat in my office in ten days. I was occupied at the field, at the heart of all operations. Strategists have to be able to work well under pressure.”

“Not just the strategists…” you sighed. “It’s just very different here than in Mist Island.”

“Ah, yes, Mist Island. They were losing the war, weren’t they, until they joined us?” She asked and you nodded. “Those who have more to lose, they break under the idea itself. We have a lot to lose too, yes, but we’ve been winning this war for years now. It’s only a matter of time until it ends.”

You were genuinely impressed by her confidence, even though it disgusted you to the core how little they cared about the losing side. Dr. Choi continued. “We’ve created a somewhat relaxed and peaceful environment so our cryptographers, engineers, doctors and nurses don’t feel burdened. We give them deadlines, yes, but we, the strategists, take all of their burden. We don’t want anyone else to break under pressure or we’ll lose. So, how well can you handle pressure, Aurora?”

You looked at Yunho whose smile didn’t quite meet his eyes. You wondered why. “I can handle it well, Doctor.”

“Very well. Consider my offer but if you want to stick to your current department, that’s alright too. Mr. Jeong, if you can escort her back?”

“Yes,” he got up and bowed and you followed him outside, navigating out of the hustle until you exited the department and Yunho exhaled like he could finally breathe. 

“Care for a drink?”

“You must really want me to join your team,” you smiled and he shook his head in amusement. 

“I’m just really thirsty, but I’m also wondering what’s on your mind.”

You accepted and he took you to the cafeteria, taking the window seats. You looked at him. “Halaland must have an ace up their sleeve. I’ve seen what the losing side looks like and this is far from it.”

“Perhaps,” Yunho’s tone was cryptic. “Isn’t it good to be on the winning side?”

“That’s debatable too, but that’s also the reason I’m here,” you told him. No lies there. “What does your team offer?”

“Field work. Assessing the situation and taking steps accordingly. Guiding the cryptographers and the other departments. We make the decisions that could save lives, but our decisions are not always in our favour. And most importantly, in war there’s sacrifice. You understand what I mean, don’t you?”

You nodded, eager. You were so close to your destination now. “I like that, but tell me… do you always scout people like this?”

That took Yunho by surprise and he laughed and you couldn’t help but join. “You’re the first. I’ve never had to practically beg someone to join my team. Usually the higher-ups make that decision for me and I only decide if I want to keep them.”

“You might change your mind later,” you shrugged.

“I won’t know until I work with you though,” he sipped his coffee, scanning you. “So? Do you like Dr. Choi’s offer more?”

“I’ll join your team,” you said and watched how he relaxed a bit. “I don’t want to be holed up with the machines. That’s not my forte.”

“Do you mind me asking… who trained you before you came here?”

Your heart skipped a beat as the face of the Captain flashed behind your eyes. But you had another name to give- another mentor who was just like you, a spy who made his place here. “Dr. Kang who, I believe, is in the Medical Research Department here?”

Yunho raised a brow at that, surprised. “Dr. Kang trained you? He must have trained you for the Strategy Department then. Why begin with Cryptography?”

“He wasn’t sure I could handle it,” you placed your cup on the table. “And he might be right. We’ve all lost something in this war, haven’t we?”

Yunho unconsciously glanced at what was visible of the scar on your arm and you caught that, tugging your sleeve down which took him out of his trance. So he had noticed. He cleared his throat, meeting eyes with you. 

“We all have,” his voice was thick with emotion and you could tell he had lost something- or someone important too. “Well, let’s hope you can show Dr. Kang that you can handle more than he thinks.”

“Do you know Dr. Kang personally?” You asked, actually curious. There was no way-

“Kang Yeosang, right?” Yunho was smiling. “He’s an old friend. He got me here.”

Your heart sank. Yunho was Kang Yeosang’s old friend? Was he also a spy then? But… there was no way you could confirm that. And if he was not a spy for Utopia…

That meant he was more dangerous than you had thought. 

“Wow… what a coincidence,” you exhaled. “Yeah, it’s been a while since I met Dr. Kang. I hope I can see him soon.”

“He’s quite busy these days. Very hard to run into him now,” Yunho finished his coffee. “But tell you what- next time I have business in Medical Research, you may tag along.”

“Sure.”

“Is there a reason you aren’t mentioning that you have medical experience as well?” Yunho asked and you sighed internally- he really was testing you at every point. You wondered why. “I mean… I looked at your resume before making the decision to offer you a spot in my team. But you haven’t told me anything about your previous experiences at all.”

“Does it matter?” You asked. “Everyone in Mist Island was trained to gain some medical experience. I don’t like to go into the details, but the one who found me insisted it be mentioned.”

“Is there a reason behind that? You don’t have to tell me exactly what, I just want to know if you’re okay with medical field work if we’re required to do so in the future.”

“Yes, there is a reason why I don’t like mentioning it,” you told him. “Dr. Kang knows my history. If you trust him… you can trust me, can’t you?”

The way Yunho did not immediately agree told you he must know something- either about you or his old friend. You cleared your throat. “I’m okay with medical field work. I’m not the best but I can certainly assess the situation and act quickly.”

“That’s good enough,” Yunho grabbed his things from the table and you started getting up as well. “I won’t pressure you to do anything you do not want to, so when I offer you an assignment, you don’t have to worry about me firing you if you do not accept it because you’re uncomfortable. I only fire people who are-”

“A burden, a waste of resources, yes, I know the drill,” you finished for him and he grinned, walking with you outside.

“Well then. Pack your stuff, and I’ll see you tomorrow in Room no. 8 of the Strategy Department. Sleep well, Aurora.”

He was about to go but you grabbed his arm lightly and he paused, turning in surprise. “I haven’t thanked you for your kind offer.”

“Thank me later,” he winked and ran off, making you wonder just how you were supposed to thank him ‘later’.

—----------------------

Yunho was nothing like the person you had come to know in the past month when he was working. If you thought you knew him, you were so wrong.

You weren’t sure what surprised you more- the switch of character or the fact that you misjudged him. Perhaps because it was your first time interacting with someone outside of work first. Perhaps you should have expected it-

No. He was different.

He was a natural leader, you were finding. He was respected and possibly even feared by the fresh recruits- your fellows from Cryptography weren’t wrong about him. He took charge of the room, barked orders, maintained punctuality down to the seconds and wanted results. Quick. And anyone who couldn’t deliver was given an earful in private.

He told you he would cut you some slack only on your first day, like he did with everyone. You were no longer ‘Yunho’ and ‘Aurora’. He was ‘Sir’ and you were ‘Miss Han’ which put a strict distance between you. He did not joke around while working at all. You learned that he was right when he said he had to be on his toes, had to make important decisions and choose what to keep and what to sacrifice. 

It had been over a week now- you had shifted your dorms, the current room giving you the view of your former workplace but blocking the sun, which you didn’t mind. It was a bit more luxurious too and gave you better room for optimisation, but you had nothing much here anyway.

The emptier the better.

Yunho was the leader of your team- Team no. 8. He reported to Dr. Choi who reported to the Head of the Department. The decision-making usually fell to the higher-ups and the team leaders, and the working dynamics were good. You wondered if that was the reason Halaland was winning.

You wondered how Utopia was handling things- you missed home. You missed the smell of citrus in the air, back before the smell of smoke and blood became a norm. You missed the constantly cloudy but blue sky before it took on an eternal darkness- you were beginning to hate the sun here. 

You missed your family who were no longer here, gone together in the dead of night, leaving you forlorn in this world. You missed the new family you had found among the Crescents- even though they insisted attachment would do you no good, the Captain himself had been like a big brother to you. Perhaps because all of you had bonded over mutual loss that you found yourselves unable to not depend on each other, not find comfort in each other. They were home, no matter where you went after that. 

You didn’t realise how long you had been standing at the end of the corridor where the dorms were, at the only window in the building that faced west towards Utopia, scratching at the scar on your arm until you felt gentle fingers lace through your hand and place them softly on the window sill. 

Again, you were surprised for many reasons as you looked up at the man who was always there when you least expected him, whose footsteps were so silent yet presence so filling, whose gaze was so warm even when he put distance between you. He stood next to you, his hands right next to yours as he looked outside.

“I’m curious what part of this view exactly is so captivating that you’ve been standing motionless for so long,” he commented, peeking out with an unimpressed face. “All I see is barren land and a boring sky.”

“That’s exactly what I needed,” you said, glad your voice didn’t crack, glancing at what you had done- you never let the scar heal. You were always picking at the long gash somewhere. A reminder, you told yourself, though you didn’t need to hurt yourself to be reminded. It already hurt enough. “I didn’t want to be distracted by a pretty view.”

“Makes sense,” he turned towards you, glancing at the bleeding scar again. “Does that hurt?”

You didn’t expect him to inquire directly about the topic you both had danced around since you met. “Not really.”

“Doesn’t look like it,” he tsk-ed. “Do you have a first-aid kit in your room?”

“No?”

“You should have,” he looked disappointed. “I’ll ask someone to give you one. If you’re going to the field, you should definitely have a kit with you at all times.”

“But I’m not… or am I?” You narrowed your eyes and he stifled a smile. 

“I thought I’d ask you how your first week had been before offering you to join me,” he put his hands in the pockets of his black slacks. “Was it too much?”

“Not at all,” you glanced down again- it was starting to sting a little especially with the blood wanting to trail down-

“This won’t do,” Yunho sighed. “Come with me.”

“Where?”

“Just… stop questioning me for once and come with me,” he said and you thought you heard the tiniest bit of frustration in his voice so you followed him to the other end of the hall and realised he might be taking you to the men’s dorm. He unlocked the door to his room and you immediately felt like you were being hugged by him- the clean, almost aquatic scent of whatever product he used filled the room.

It was nice.

Yunho motioned to the couch and you glanced around before taking a seat- it looked as empty as your room, the only sign of living some clothes hanging around or food in the kitchen from where Yunho got his kit and came to sit beside you.

“I can do this-” 

“Let me,” he insisted, looking at you for permission and when you nodded, he took your arm and examined it, drawing your sleeve up hesitantly until it was above the elbow. He dipped some cotton in alcohol and cleaned it, the sting drawing your focus and when you winced, Yunho shook his head.

“You should stop picking at your scar if you want to work in the field,” he began, his voice low and thick now that he was so close. “It would be a shame if it got infected. I want my members in top condition, you understand?”

“Yes, Sir,” you answered and he grinned.

“I told you, it’s just Yunho for you- when we’re not working,” he insisted and you nodded. “You can ask me now. I can see you have questions.”

“What exactly will we be doing?”

“I cannot tell you until we’re on the mission,” he finished cleaning. “But we might have to travel a bit and transfer confidential data.”

“I guess I’ll join? I have nothing better to do.”

“Ay, are you saying your time at the department is a waste?”

“I mean- yeah, I could keep working but this would be better-”

Yunho laughed, wrapping a bandage around your arm and you pouted when you realised he was back to being the goofy senior you had come to know in your duration here. “I know what you mean, you don’t have to explain yourself. You’ll learn a lot from the field but you should know that everything we see, everything we observe is strictly confidential. You understand that, don’t you?”

“I do, and that’s why I am working here,” you told him and he liked your answer.

“There,” he tied the bandage. “I don’t want to see you picking at your scar again. If you feel like doing that again… come find me and I’ll distract you, okay?”

“Come find me,” you quoted back with a scoff, surprising him. “When you’re the busiest person I know? I thought you were friendly with me just to get me on your team, and then suddenly there’s this distance between us and you’re ‘Sir’ and I’m ‘Miss Han’ and you keep ordering me around and pushing me-”

You stopped when you saw how he was smiling, head resting on his hand, elbow propped on his leg. “What?”

“Carry on,” he urged. “I’m enjoying this.”

“I’m not,” you sighed, your heart suddenly aching at the sight of him- you were getting really annoyed at the way he made you ramble and had you expecting more when in fact, you should be anywhere but here-

“Just say that you missed me, Aurora.”

“As if,” you scoffed. “Thank you for the help. I’m going,” you said and got up but he grabbed your wrist, making you sit right back and you gaped at him as he failed to hold his smile, the smile that changed his entire face and made his eyes curve-

“Well, I definitely missed this,” he said but his eyes changed as he locked them with yours. “You can find me anytime you want. If it’s too much, if anything’s bothering you, you can find me, okay? I won’t let you down.”

You raised a brow. “Do you offer this to everyone?”

“Maybe? Some of it?” He wondered out loud, indicating he might not have offered this to anyone at all, for that matter. “My point is… I know we all have scars, Aurora. Not all are physical. The physical scars? They hurt more here, don’t they?” He pointed at his heart. “You’re… a part of my team now. I want your wits gathered. I want you relaxed because you’ve seen how tense the rest of my team is. I think I can depend on you if you can depend on me- and when we go on this mission, I’d be glad if I’m right about this.”

“Just say that you missed me too,” you laughed and he joined, realising he was still holding your wrist, letting it go gently. “Okay. I’ll try to find you next time.”

“Good,” he nodded, satisfied. “...good.”

You realised he was spacing out as his eyes travelled all across your face. You stared right back- at his kind eyes, at his incredibly charming face, at the way his hair fell on his forehead and when his eyes met yours, he held your stare for a moment too long before clearing his throat.

“Well, I’ll brief you tomorrow about the mission so you still have time if you want to change your mind. Think it over tonight, okay?”

“Okay,” you finally got up, straightening your clothes. “Thank you… for everything.”

Yunho smiled at that and you left for your room, staring at the bandage until you fell asleep.

—---------------------

It was two days later that you found yourself on the road with Yunho, travelling in a military car escorted by soldiers. You two were the only ones facing each other in the backseats but Yunho was currently busy going through some documents and you recalled the conversation you just had with him in the office.

Your colleague Hani, who had field experience, had briefed you about the clauses in your contract- what to do in case you found yourself in a compromising situation or if your life was being threatened in exchange for information. You had a strict non-disclosure agreement already signed, but this was a fresh reminder that anything could go wrong. 

And that your life had little to no value so you shouldn’t bother saving yourself by exchanging information. It was like this everywhere, but since it was the enemy you were now working for, you hated the idea of even getting a scratch for them, though the Captain had told you that you would be put in such a situation eventually. Today, you were going to play your part in a rehearsed skit. And today was all about your acting skills.

You touched the locket around your neck that Yunho had given you before leaving. He caught you tugging at it and you put it inside your uniform- all black with red details like Yunho’s. He cleared his throat. “Nervous?”

“A bit, but I’m fine,” you admitted. He was probably inquiring because the locket was your death sentence- a cyanide pill you could use only if all else failed. You recalled the moment when he had secured it around your neck himself and then put his hands on your shoulders, making you lock eyes with him.

“I’ll pray you never have to resort to a situation where you have to use this,” Yunho’s voice was firm. “If you’re in pain, you live through it. Think about your family, your friends, or whoever you’re fighting for. You make it back alive no matter how hard it is, you hear me?”

“Yes, sir.”

“But,” and this time, his voice was steel and gaze so harsh that you wondered if this was the same person who told you he could ask the government to provide funds for your gummy bear addiction. “If you think of betraying your team and someone loses their life because of you? I’d rather you have eaten the pill.”

Your heart sank dangerously and you recalled when the Captain had held you just like this and told you what fate you would meet if you ever betrayed them. You nodded firmly, once. “Of course.”

Immediately, his gaze softened and he patted your arm as he let go. “I know how hard it is to make a decision, especially when they have something on you. But the enemy, no matter how appealing their offer is, you do not give in, okay? If the pain really is too much to handle… I wish you’d live through it instead of opting for this solution.”

“I understand,” you nodded, pursing your lips. “I really do.”

Now, in the car with Yunho who scanned your face as if trying to figure out just what was going through your head, you decided to ask him. “What if we lose each other in the middle of the mission?”

“Glad you asked,” he sighed. “I’ll show you the points where we can gather as soon as we’re entering the town.

And when you did, he sat next to you, pointing at 5 random points that were chosen for today’s mission. He told you their strategy was to always have new points to gather at during every mission so nobody could snitch on them. When you finally reached Sector 1, Yunho made sure your bulletproof vest was secured under your uniform and you had no bugs on you- ‘protocol’, he called it, though you made sure he saw you scowl. You stopped at an old hospital that was now abandoned and got off, the harsh sun making you flinch and immediately wear your shades.

“This hospital used to be the heart of this town, before a bomb struck here,” Yunho told you and you nodded- you recalled that. It was a few years ago when Neverland managed to strike here and you always wondered how someone could be heartless enough to target a hospital.

It made sense later- Neverland, now Utopia’s ally but earlier the enemy, probably also got a whiff of whatever the hell was going on with Halaland’s Medical Research Departments. Innocent lives were lost but you hoped at least something had come out of it.

“I always wondered why anyone would target hospitals,” Yunho said out loud as if he had read your mind.

You cleared your throat. “Halaland targeted hospitals first. I hope you haven’t forgotten your history… Sir.”

Yunho glanced at you, eyes unreadable behind the shades. “Of course I remember. That’s why I said ‘anyone’. What do you think? Why would someone target the hospitals?”

A test, perhaps. You pretended to think. “Doctors… They’re the backbone of any war, and perhaps the most precious asset especially in war.”

Yunho nodded, satisfied. “It’s a low move. I don’t support that, but like I said, sometimes when you strategise, sacrifices must be made.”

“And what came out of sacrificing doctors?”

“That’s not for just anyone to know,” Yunho pointed to the backdoor and you followed him.

“So am I ‘just anyone’?” 

“As am I,” he sighed. “I’ve only heard something did come out of it, and something valuable was lost when this hospital was targeted. Pretty sure they weren’t talking about the doctors or the patients.”

You wondered if he really did not know or was pretending. You spotted a shadow behind the door and Yunho confirmed it was the man you were supposed to meet. He led you inside and the man met both your eyes before handing Yunho an envelope- the contents inside you referred to as ‘the key’. He turned to you and you handed him your key. With a nod, you parted ways and exited the hospital.

“That’s about it,” Yunho exhaled in relief. “A simple exchange of information. No words spoken. The information is not for our eyes nor can we interpret it. We’re only couriers.”

“So was that man a spy then?” You asked. “Do you receive information from other lands?”

“I don’t know who that is,” Yunho admitted and you believed him. “But I reckon he must be. You wouldn’t make such a fuss for a local.”

You started driving back, pretending to be relieved that the mission was over when in fact, you were counting the minutes.

And then it happened- you heard the sound of a gunshot and you flinched even when you saw it coming. The soldier escorting you spoke in the radio to make sure everything was clear, but-

“We have a tail, Sir- 2 SUVs. We’re waiting for your orders.”

You looked at Yunho who dared to peek outside before calling in his radio, “Turn west. We’re taking Route no. 3. Provide cover-”

Another gunshot and this time you had to cover your ears and crouch down out of instinct as the windshield shattered. Yunho’s eyes were wide with horror as he took in the sight of the shot driver, the soldier frantically trying to steer the car while putting one hand on the wound on the driver’s chest. You straightened and looked at Yunho.

“I can either drive or provide medical attention- or fight back. What do you want me to do, Sir?”

“How good is your aim?”

You let the faintest hint of a smirk grow on your lips. “Good enough, Sir.”

With that, you dragged the driver’s body to the backseat with the soldier’s help who immediately put pressure on the wound and checked the pulse. Yunho crawled to the driving seat and you borrowed the soldier’s rifle and examined the situation- one of your escort cars was down and you only had one at your front and on your right now. 

So you waited until you sighted the tail- a black SUV. You aimed for the tires and shot once, twice, hitting the mark on your second shot which gave the escort car behind you a chance to shoot at the passengers. You broke the rest of the windshield with the butt of your rifle to clear your view, surprising Yunho, and sat on the frame to take another shot, managing to break their windshield this time. They fell back and the escort cars provided cover. The soldier honked and the three of your cars picked speed, the one behind you shooting aggressively. It seemed to have worked and you lost your tail, managing to follow the designated route.

You slid back to your seat, turning to check if you could assist in any way but it was too late- the soldier looked grim as he met eyes with you.

“He was gone within a minute.”

You bit your lips, wondering if you could have saved him had you not been selfish and hesitant about practising medical attention on people anymore. You glanced at Yunho who was clenching his jaw. With a sigh, you rested on the seat as you calmed yourself down from the adrenaline and braced yourself for whatever was about to happen next.

The drive was pretty much silent until you reached the Research Centre, a medical team ready to take the people who lost their lives in the mission. You learned that two other soldiers had died. After paying your respects, you escorted Yunho to your department where the supervisor, Dr. Choi was waiting.

“I heard it went well,” she said and you raised a brow, glancing at Yunho who appeared tense.

“We lost three soldiers today.”

“But you have the key?” She asked, referring to what you had received from the supposed-spy.

Yunho didn’t say anything, just handed the key to the doctor and she didn’t open it. She looked at you. “Report.”

You swallowed. “We had no tail until after we left the hospital. About 800 metres on Route no.1, we received the tip from Escort Car no. 3 about the tail. As soon as Mr. Jeong ordered us to embark on Route no. 3, our driver was shot and we had to improvise. The soldier with us went on to provide medical attention to him while Mr. Jeong drove and I attacked. I managed to puncture their tire and shoot through their windshield which Escort Car no. 2 informed us, helped eliminate one of the 5 passengers in the black SUV without a plate. That’s when we lost them and continued our return.”

“I see. Anything you’d like to add to that, Mr. Jeong?” 

“I’ll let you make the conclusion,” Yunho answered, looking like he could kill her. “I don’t know if it’s my position to say this but maybe you should take a look at who’s friend and who’s foe again. No one other than me knew our meeting point. Me and the person we were meeting.”

Dr. Choi shifted in her seat, looking amused. “You’re telling me that I should look into that person and you?”

Yunho shrugged. “I think you know exactly what I meant.”

You poked your tongue in your cheek as you looked back and forth between them. They were practically having a stare down and Dr. Choi finally nodded slowly. Yunho said he would take his leave now, leaving you alone with the supervisor who simply smiled.

“He gets like this when a mission doesn’t go smoothly.”

“I see,” you nodded slowly. So it had happened before. “Anything I should do, Dr. Choi?”

“Let’s see,” Dr. Choi opened the envelope and skimmed through the contents. “Not for now, no. You can take the rest of the day off. You did well.”

—-----------------------

Though your mission today had gone exactly the way you had wanted to- a successful exchange of information followed by an attack, staged by the Crescents just so you could prove you were indeed someone who could be trusted- a test, you realised now, from the Crescents as well- you still felt unsatisfied for a number of reasons.

Firstly, you had not expected the driver of your own car to get shot. You could very well have been hurt as well. You still felt guilty about not caring enough to provide medical assistance- the soldier, you were sure, only knew the basics. You could have saved him. You felt partially responsible for that loss.

You were also worried about just who in Crescents lost their lives in the mission today. You prayed it was no one you knew, but the thought that they were risking their lives like this upset you even when you had seen them go to more dangerous missions and not return. Now that you were a part of this, it stung more.

And then there was Yunho. His reaction to the dead soldier didn’t surprise you- you knew now that he was a compassionate soul no matter how stern and cold he might seem at times. But it was his behaviour with Dr. Choi that surprised you more- was it her nonchalance towards the lives lost that put him off or was it something else?

You had roamed around after getting the day off when it was already almost time for dinner. You met your teammates from Cryptography and checked their progress and they had a good laugh over how far you had come and if you’d last any longer. However, when you headed to your room, you spotted Yunho standing by the window you had met a few days earlier. Your heart tugged at the sight and you considered ignoring him and heading to your room but you wanted to know what was going through his mind right now.

You wanted to figure him out so bad that it was driving you a little crazy, and that was not good. Not in this field.

Cautiously, you walked to him and though he sensed you coming, he didn’t move until you stood next to him, hands on the sill right beside his, so near they could touch. You looked at the view.

“Not a very captivating view, is it?”

A trace of a smile danced on his lips though he maintained his composure. You stifled a sigh and dared to look at him- he looked so very tired and you wondered if he was exhausted due to the events of today or just tired of wearing his mask. Whatever it was, this was the first time you saw such emotions in his eyes.

“I know you offered to me that I could come find you whenever I felt like picking at my scar again,” you began, ignoring your subconscious that sounded a lot like the Captain cursing at you. “I thought I’d offer you the same. I should have offered it that day, but…”

“Thank you, Miss Han, but-”

“That’s Aurora for you-”

“-I’m not picking at my scars-”

“Scars of the heart,” you reminded him before he could tell you to bug off. He looked at you, hair a mess and over his eyes, still in his uniform with quite a few buttons undone and wondering just what your deal was. You gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Have you had dinner yet?”

When he didn’t respond, you tsk-ed. “Do you want to have some ramen? I’ve heard I make killer ramen.”

Yunho finally gave in and scoffed, urging you to lead the way, following you to your room and you almost shut the door behind you when you realised he was still waiting outside.

“Aren’t you coming in?”

“I thought you were going to take the ramen or whatever to the dining hall?”

“Just… come in. I have better snacks,” you told him.

He shook his head. “Of course you do.”

You asked him to make himself comfortable while you went into the kitchen and started cooking. Yunho took that as a sign to roam around in your space- empty walls just like his, the only sign of life the clothes on one chair-

And the unholy amount of the unhealthiest snacks he had ever seen lining the kitchen shelves. He sat on the two-seater table next to the kitchen, watching you cook. “Do you even eat normal food?”

You glared at him, not bothering to respond, focusing on the ramen while he rested his chin on his hand as he watched you until you settled down, scooping some ramen for him and cracking open two beers. You clicked your drinks and ate in silence. He was probably still sorting his thoughts, you reckoned. 

It wasn’t until he was finished, drinking his second can of beer that he finally exhaled deeply. You didn’t push, just relaxed back as you swirled your can lazily.

“Thank you for the meal, Aurora. It’s very kind of you.”

“You sound way too formal, Yunho,” you sighed.

“And you sound like me, I’m realising,” he put his head in his hands as he laughed a little. “I must have sounded like this that day, huh?”

“Now you know,” you teased.

He sighed again. “I don’t know what went wrong today. It’s happened before and I’m not even surprised,” he admitted and you nodded. “I’m just… I should have known that no one would give two shits about the lives lost today. All they care about is getting their hands on whatever information can cause the most destruction.”

“‘In war there is sacrifice’,” you quoted him and he lifted his head to look at you.

“I know. But I’m human too.”

“I understand,” you said and he wasn’t surprised at your grim tone.

There were a few moments of silence as you both sorted your thoughts out. “It’s not your fault, about the driver. You couldn’t have saved him even if you wanted to- not with that wound.”

You looked at him- how could he know just what you were feeling when he himself was a mess?

“Neither was it your fault about the events of today,” you countered. “We’re simply couriers. It’s the higher-ups who gave us the orders, knowing the risks. They should feel responsible about the loss.”

“They never do,” Yunho clenched his eyes shut as if a memory pained him. You let him have a moment and he opened his eyes, locking them with yours.

“Listen, Aurora. What happened today should not have happened, but this was your first mission. I’m proud of how you handled it.”

Your heart sank in guilt but you nodded. “Thank you.”

“I do want to keep you as my teammate, but… it’s only getting uglier as the days pass. The higher-ups have stopped caring about the lives lost as long as they get what they want. If you do not want to do this at any point, you let me know, okay? I don’t want to take you to a mission and risk losing you because you didn’t have a clear head.”

“Why can’t you do the same?” You dared to ask and he looked confused. “You could stop going to these missions too. Clearly this has happened before, and you look distraught. You could hang back too, Yunho-”

“I can’t-”

“I’m sure there are other teams that could go-”

“I really can’t,” Yunho locked eyes with you and you paused. 

He can’t? 

“Why?” You asked and when he remained silent, you knew then.

You knew that he was bound. Just like you, or maybe worse. You were bound to the Crescents and even though they had good intentions, they had promised you hell if you backed off anytime during your stay here. But what was holding Yunho back?

“Then don’t bury it in,” you countered. “I don’t want to go on another mission with you if you don't have a clear head.”

“Look at you ordering me around, Aurora.”

You matched his glare and he ended up looking down, his smile widening. You shared a chuckle as well. “I’m just looking out for myself, Sir.”

“There you go,” he scoffed in amusement. You stared at him for a few moments before you got up and started clearing the table, coming back to pick the cans but Yunho caught your wrist, folding your sleeve up to examine your scar that was still healing from all the scratching you had done before Yunho had bandaged it for you two days ago.

“This better be healed by the end of the week,” he muttered, tracing the skin near the scar from the elbow all the way down. 

“This will heal on its own,” you said. “But how do we heal the scars of our heart, Yunho?”

“I wouldn’t know that,” he barely whispered and it was the most broken you had heard him, or anyone, sound. Your heart ached deeply and with your free, now trembling hand, you touched the side of his face lightly as if to tell him that you didn’t either. That you understood it all too well. He kept staring up at you, his grip on your wrist loosening and you brought that hand up as well as you held his face, taking your time as you caressed the strands of his hair away from his face. You were positive your loud heart could be heard for miles but you didn’t care, not at that moment. 

When you were done shifting some of his hair away from his forehead, you leaned down and kissed his forehead, the first time you had kissed someone in years, the first kiss of affection after the tragic event that took your family’s life. Yunho sighed deeply and when you drew back, you rested your forehead on the top of his head for a moment.

“I know something is eating you up and making you do things you do not want to, but,” you drew back, locking eyes with him. “I want you to know that I’m with you, beside you, wherever you go from here. You’re not alone, Yunho. Don’t lose yourself. You can get through this and I’m here for you whenever you need me, understand?”

There was wonder in his eyes. Wonder and an incredible sadness. He nodded slowly and you smiled slightly, patting his cheek before turning away and picking the cans up, going to throw them in the trash can. Yunho got up, straightening his clothes.

“I- I should get back now.”

You raised a brow at the stutter and noticed his flushed cheeks and ears. “Sure. See you tomorrow.”

Yunho nodded, unmoving for a good few moments before he awkwardly turned to go and almost reached the door when he turned again.

“I might be asking too much but can I have a pack of your gummy bears? I feel like I’ll need them tonight.”

The laugh that left you came from somewhere so deeply buried that even Yunho couldn’t help but join, smiling widely at the sound that filled the room. You nodded and brought him a packet, still recovering.

“You can stop now, you know,” he said, embarrassed.

“I just,” you sighed, chuckling again. “It was so out of the blue, it caught me off guard. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t look sorry, Aurora,” he countered and you laughed a bit harder, putting a hand over your mouth as you waved at him to leave already. He thanked you before leaving, saying he wouldn’t want a madman on his team and you went to your room, your laugh fading with each passing moment until it turned into an unknown feeling so overwhelming that you sat down on the floor, burying your head between your arms and crying silent tears.

—-----------------------

Something between you and Yunho had shifted ever since that night.

You were still Mr. Jeong and Miss Han during work hours, and he was still the same strict boss of your team, however, he had a hint of affection in his eyes whenever he looked at you. Maybe it was from the shared experience from that mission. Maybe it was the way you now knew you had secrets that you kept from each other, only allowing the other to know there was, in fact, something. Maybe it was something about that night when you shared a moment of vulnerability. 

You didn’t know what exactly it was, but it was messing you up and that was not good. You remind yourself every night that you are a Crescent. You answer to the Captain. You’re on a mission, and your goal is to uncover what’s going on in the Medical Research Department through any means necessary.

Involving yourself with Yunho is only a risk, and yet… you couldn’t help but be selfish. You could justify it as a means to get to Medical Research as much as you wanted, but you knew deep down that there was another factor and you could not dismiss it. It didn’t matter, you supposed, as long as nothing was done about it, but Yunho’s words rang in your ears:

“But I’m human too.”

Those words tangled around you like a spider’s web that you couldn’t shake off. They haunted you at night when you tried to sleep. And they were following you like a shadow right now, on your way to meet Seonghwa in the darkest hour of the night, this time in the Cryptography Department’s cafeteria where you could always come up with the excuse of ‘missing the food’ if someone spotted you. 

You sat at the far end of the room, waiting for Seonghwa to come as you opened a pack of gummy bears, already plagued by the memory of Yunho- you seemed to be associating a lot with him these days. Seonghwa entered, silent as a pin and settled across from you.

“I hope you’ve been doing well,” he asked.

“Thriving, really,” you muttered and he raised a brow at that attitude. You cleared your throat.

“All well at home?” You dared to ask.

“Seems so,” he was chewing gum rather loudly. “All well at yours?”

“Seems so.”

“How long till you can get to your goal?”

“If you don’t push some strings, maybe a while,” you thought out loud.

“We don’t have the luxury of time anymore, Aurora.”

You paused. Something had happened. “Then push some strings.”

He glared at you for a few moments before sighing. “Prepare yourself. You’ll be meeting your mentor soon.”

“Got it,” you got up, ready to leave.

“And Aurora?” He called.

“Yeah?”

“Keep your distance from the enemy, will you?”

For a moment, you wanted to scratch at his face and ask him who, exactly, was the enemy here. It was the same in Utopia, the same here- the higher-ups not caring for the lives lost as long as they could get something out of it. And what were they doing to contribute to the war other than add more fuel to the flame? You were starting to question who exactly you were working for. Of course, you were ultimately doing this for Utopia, but you wanted to gut the people who sent you here too. Not the Captain, no- he only trained you. The ones who controlled him, and the ones who controlled them. 

The Captain- he only dared to question them once, and you remember seeing him at his lowest then when they took away something precious from him. You didn’t know what- you didn’t need to either. You could see it- everyone could. And it was the same here, with Yunho. He was just a puppet in this horrible, horrible game.

“I am,” you practically spat, knowing he must have spotted you hanging around with Yunho casually. “And you remember who the enemy is, will you?”

With that, you left the department, feeling like you were being choked and when you entered your department you paused-

Was someone following you?

You turned but there wasn’t a soul in sight. You didn’t dismiss it as just a feeling though. You could never be too careful around here. 

Someone had seen you come from the Cryptography Department, which meant you were being watched. You scoffed to yourself as you went inside your room and resisted the urge to peek out of your window. 

No more meetings with Seonghwa. You were on your own now.

—-------------------------

Things were getting tense at the department, to put it simply.

You were starting to wonder if it was simply because of the information you and Yunho had received that day which was somehow important enough to shift the power balance of the war, or if it was because Yunho had dared to question the higher-ups on their lack of regard for the sacrifices in this war.

You were positive it was the latter- especially with the way Yunho was starting to look so weary. Your seniors were also being harsher on your team, going as far as to cut down on your break hours. Yunho kept looking apologetic which made your suspicions stronger. Nothing seemed to cheer him up anymore.

You were staring at him from across the room, ignoring the pile of documents in front of you as you binged on your usual choice of snack, wondering if you should go ahead and ask just what was going on when a knock sounded and Dr. Choi entered, looking grim.

“Prepare for a group mission- we have to retrieve a person now, so make sure you gear up properly- 2 of you on the field while 3 of you stay back and monitor.”

Yunho looked as confused as the rest and when he got up to ask, Dr. Choi raised her hand. “I just got notified moments ago. Apparently they’re not pleased with what happened on your last mission, though I hardly believe that’s the reason. Just… get it over with and then we’ll speak.”

“Not pleased with what happened on our last mission,” Yunho repeated with a scoff. “All we did was follow orders and stick to protocol.”

You could see the slightest hint of pity in the doctor’s eyes before she sighed. “I know. I’m only obeying orders here too. You’ll be briefed on your way there. You have 20 minutes.”

With that, Dr. Choi exited and Yunho met your eyes. You pursed your lips, shrugging. It seemed like you had no choice. Stuffing the unfinished gummy bears in your pocket, you stood and went to him.

“You and me on the field. Who else are we taking?”

Yunho hesitated for a moment. “I’d rather you stick back as the monitor this time.”

You slumped, bored. “You know I can fight, Sir. Come on, make a decision.”

“I-” he hesitated again and your heart ached as he looked down. You wished you could ask him what the matter was. “I don’t want to see any of you get hurt if things go south.”

“Dr. Choi said two on the field, Yunho, in case you were thinking of going alone this time.”

Yunho raised a brow at the way you called his name and how you knew exactly what he was thinking. He gave in, nodding. “Fine, but you only cover me, okay? No offence.”

“Can’t promise, but okay,” you shrugged and he shook his head, getting up and calling Hani, Jongho and Chris- his most skilled. “You remember the drill, right?”

“Definitely,” Jongho grinned and Yunho seemed to relax a bit after seeing his teammates in better spirits than himself. He set the timer and all of you disappeared in the locker room, getting dressed in the uniform with bulletproof vests underneath. You checked your guns and were about to leave when a knock sounded on the door. You opened it expecting Hani but were surprised to see Yunho instead. 

“Done?” He asked and you nodded. “Can I come inside?”

Your heart sank and you gave him some space to enter in the relatively tiny room. Yunho wasted no time, digging into his pocket and producing a bunch of bullets and placing them in your palm. “This could get me fired or worse, but I need you to take these in case things don’t look good. Hide them on yourself.”

You raised a brow, counting them- 5. “This isn’t official,” you said and he nodded. “And what makes you think I won’t snitch right now?”

The way Yunho simply smiled- almost smirked- told you that there was a reason he needed you on his team. “You can go ahead and do that if you want to.”

Something unspoken passed between you two as you stared at each other and you finally hid the bullets in your inside pocket, making him roll his eyes in amusement before he left. For extra measure, you stocked more on the daggers before following him outside.

You learned on your way that one of the doctors from Medical Research had gone missing a few days ago and was reported to have been sighted in the west in a cabin near the enemy lines. You suspected it was the Crescents again, and to confirm your suspicions you spotted Seonghwa on your way out who saluted mockingly when he met your eyes. You had not expected it to be this soon after your previous mission and you wondered if something had truly gone wrong this time.

During the half an hour drive after which you were to travel on foot, Hani set up the radios and Jongho and Chris prepared to defend the rest in case they were attacked. This time, there were no escorts, no military cars, no soldiers- nothing that would alert the enemy. After reaching the end of the road, you and Yunho stepped out and Hani checked your equipment once again.

“If I lose your signal, I’ll assume you’re in trouble and wait exactly 2 minutes before I send one of them to inspect,” Hani said and Yunho nodded in approval. “If you lose our signal, you should proceed with the mission and come back when you’re done- if we’re under attack, you’ll know- I’ll fire a signal. In that case…”

“In that case, we’ll abort the mission,” Yunho said and Hani shook her head.

“Dr. Choi specifically asked us to retrieve the doctor at all costs. You do know what they mean by that, don’t you?”

“I don’t care what she said,” Yunho countered. “I don’t think we can make it back if you all are under attack anyway.”

Hani pursed her lips, looking at you for help. “Knock some sense into him, will you, Aurora?”

You shrugged. “If you’re under attack, I can come and help. You, Sir, can carry on with your mission- or we could switch these roles.”

Yunho sighed in disbelief. “I can’t believe I’m the one being reminded of protocol.”

Hani grinned. “We all have our times, Yunho. Now get your ass on the field, both of you. I’m starting the clock.”

You whistled at the friendly banter. Yunho checked on his weapons one last time before motioning for you to follow him and you took a moment to run your eyes over the expanse- all dead trees and barren ground. If you squinted, you could see the faint silhouette of the marked border between Utopia and Halaland, with armed officials prowling in the area.

“Aurora?”

Home. So near yet so far away.

“You coming?” Yunho asked and you realised you were still staring in the direction of your homeland. You jogged to him, matching his pace when you fell in step with him, peeking at the map in his hands.

“Are you sure you have a clear head right now, Aurora?” Yunho asked.

“Yeah, sure, I was just… admiring the scenery.”

“Admiring the scenery?” Yunho scoffed, craning his neck to see just what about the scenery was so interesting.

“I was wondering,” you changed the topic. “Why send us to the field to retrieve a doctor? Why not the soldiers?”

“Aren’t we all soldiers, fighting for something?” Yunho mused and you narrowed your eyes at him. “Okay, they usually don’t send the soldiers so the other departments don’t get a whiff of what’s going on in Medical Research.”

“What exactly is going on there?” You asked, finding Yunho with a strange, knowing expression on his face. You gulped. “I’m assuming you know if they sent you?”

“I don’t know either,” he sighed deeply. “I just know there is something. I’ve heard it could help with winning the war. Only the higher-ups know. I’m nobody.”

“Well… that certainly sounds suspicious, but then again, there’s always some secret in every department, I suppose,” you let out a short laugh and he agreed. “So they’re afraid the doctor might snitch? Will they even let him live if we manage to get him back?”

“That is… a very good question. We might be taking him to death’s door if we retrieve him,” he clicked disappointingly. “But we don’t know anything, so we can’t assume and make these decisions. I think the Strategy Department, us, we’re trusted enough to retrieve him. We have the skills, and who would we snitch to anyway? Pretty sure they’d know if there was a spy among us.”

You shrugged and Yunho pointed in the distance, spotting a couple of cabins bordering the town. “That’s our destination. You ready?”

You nodded and walked in silence the rest of the way. When you reached the first cabin, you were about to go around the structure to inspect when Yunho grabbed your wrist.

“You’re only covering, remember?” 

“That’s not how this works-”

“That’s an order,” he insisted, looking slightly amused that only confused you further and you rolled your eyes, snatching your wrist away with a pout that he chuckled at before taking the lead.

With guns out, you went around the first cabin and then inside, finding no signs of life. The second cabin was just as empty and you were inside it now, watching the third from the window when you spotted movement.

“Uh, Sir?” You called and he turned around. “I’m spotting movement in that cabin.”

Yunho urged you to follow him, asking you to go around and stand by the window so the target couldn’t escape- if it was indeed the target. You signalled your team about the cabin. Yunho motioned at you that he was going inside and you provided cover as he unlocked the door-

“No-”

You turned at the strangle of a voice that left Yunho who ran towards the man- the target- who had just swallowed something you were assuming must be a pill, and before you could help them or react, you spotted someone else in the next room and pointed your gun at them.

“Drop your weapons, right now-”

You paused when recognition flashed across the man’s face and your heart sank dangerously. Before you could signal one or the other, the man moved his aim from you to Yunho and prepared to shoot.

Maybe it was instinct or something else that possessed you to take the bullet for Yunho, you mused, as you wondered why the person you had once called friend and had trained with- spared you. Out of familiarity? Out of regard? 

Burning pain overwhelmed every other sense in your body as the bullet lodged into your arm and Yunho was quick to shoot at the man, missing by an inch but probably grazing his leg given how he seethed before hiding. You clenched your eyes shut and opened them, forcing the cloud of pain away. “Save the target, I got him-” 

“No, you’re hurt-”

“I said, save the target.”

Yunho frowned at your tone and you didn’t give him another option as you loaded your gun and started for the room the man had hid himself in- he was at a dead end- this room had no window or other means of exit. You spotted him standing in the corner, gun aimed at you.

“It’s been years-”

You shot at his leg before he could speak further, earning a howl from him. One glance at Yunho to confirm that you got this, you moved towards the man and pressed the muzzle against his forehead.

“What are you doing here? What did you do to the doctor?”

“I was saving him,” he spat on your boot and you clenched your jaw. “You know that.”

You glanced behind and got closer. “Did the Captain send you?”

The man scoffed. “And what if he did? Why are you here?”

“He got me here, in case you forgot,” you seethed. “And he got you in this mess. Remember that.”

“What are you gonna do, huh? Kill your old-”

You heard the familiar footsteps of Yunho and with your eyes closed shut as if that could undo everything you were about to do, you shot your old friend, his body going limp and falling with a thud against the wall. You finally opened your eyes, bending down to shut his eyes with trembling hands.

The footsteps grew closer and you felt a pair of hands on your shoulders. You didn’t care at that moment. You turned to him and said, “Call the team, please. I’ll stay here.”

Yunho nodded, giving you space and leaving the room. With glazed eyes, you placed a hand on your old friend’s cheek, noticing a silver glint around his neck and you dug out what was a necklace with his code name carved on it- KB. You smiled at that, recalling when he had showed you the necklace a few years ago, very proud of it. You searched his pockets but found nothing significant so you just slumped next to him, ignoring the pain in your arm until Yunho came again, having alerted the team.

With his dagger, he cut a piece of his shirt and tied it around your arm where you were still bleeding out. You only stared into the distance, your ears ringing with the sound of the gunshots. When he was done, he patted your arm again.

“Come on, they’re here.”

With a deep sigh, you got up and exited the room, noticing the doctor with foam around his mouth. “Cyanide pill?”

“Seems so,” he said. “I’ll tell you the details later, okay? You should get treated first.”

“Just tell me this was not a waste,” you turned to him, lips quivering. “Tell me all of this was not a waste.”

Pain flashed across his eyes but he nodded. “It was not, trust me. I cannot tell you right now,” he glanced behind him at his team approaching them and you understood. “But I have something. And it’s not for the higher-ups to hear. You understand?”

Somehow, the cloud of pain cleared then. You understood. You looked back at the doctor. “Mind if I check something?”

“Go ahead,” he said and you checked his neck for something similar to a chain. Yunho coughed and you looked at him- he patted his pocket in answer. You nodded and proceeded to check the room, taking anything you thought would prove significant while Jongho and Chris packed the bodies and loaded them in the car- protocol. Proof that you were not lying, though you were pretty sure one of them directly answered the higher-ups and it was not Yunho, which meant-

You almost ran outside and looked into the distance, running your eyes across the expanse and it was then you spotted the tiniest movement in the cabin in front of you.

Eyes. They had eyes and ears everywhere. Both the Crescents and Halaland’s own spies. The question though, was…

Just who had watched everything that had just happened?

—------------------------

You had a few scenarios of how you could get into the Medical Department- either infiltrate with your ‘spy skills’ and risk getting caught, or have Seonghwa pull some strings so you could go for something like an ‘inspection’, or the personal favourite- attack. 

However, you never thought you’d get access simply because you got shot during a mission. 

It was surprising because every department did have their own little emergency room with the basic first aid stuff. It was probably because you had to report, and what place better to report the death of the doctor than the very department he worked in?

“Let her get treated first,” Yunho insisted, “And then we’ll report.”

“We don’t have time to spare, Mr… Jeong, is it?” The middle-aged man with an arrogant look that had to be his staple shrugged. “Besides, it looks like a simple gunshot wound.”

You could feel that Yunho was mentally and physically reaching his limit as he tried to reason with who you recognised was the supervisor of the Medical Research Department- both the restricted and the secret one, the restricted being his cover for the public. You cleared your throat, wanting to get this over with. “I think we can report first- I can hold on for a while-”

“No,” Yunho said with a tone of finality and glared at you first before glaring at the supervisor. “My partner will be treated first and foremost. You, of all people, Dr. Kim, should understand that.”

Dr. Kim groaned before ordering the staff to escort you to the treatment room. You got stitched up after being administered painkillers and you had to stuff a few gummy bears in your mouth for the instant sugar rush or else you were positive you would have fainted. You were just being administered another IV when you heard a very familiar voice. 

“I got this from here, thank you.”

You watched the nurses leave and a familiar blonde come closer, checking on your IV. You almost gasped and he stifled his smile as he checked your vitals. 

“Not how I expected to see you but oh well,” he whispered and you grinned. 

“Not how I planned to get here either,” you said. “It’s so good to see you, Yeosang.”

“Likewise, Aurora,” he smiled before glancing around. “Tell me what happened.”

You briefed him as quickly as you could, handing him the necklace that belonged to KB. He nodded grimly and when you told him about spotting someone who must have been watching you, he nodded in confirmation.

“It’s been a while since Yunho fell out of their good graces. I bet they’re making sure he doesn’t make more mistakes.”

“What did he do?” You asked.

“He tried digging into the secrets of the Research Department after the Utopians were expelled from this centre,” he revealed and you were genuinely impressed and confused. “He had many Utopian friends and some of them disappeared without a trace.”

“Are they messing him up on purpose?” You dared to ask. “First the attack on our previous mission, and now this…”

“That’s not how they mess you up,” Yeosang tsk-ed. “That’s just misfortune. Anyways, your report better match Yunho’s or you’ll be the one who might become their target. And Aurora?”

“Yeah?”

“Stay safe. Remember your motive. Don’t trust the enemy. And… we don’t have much time. You barely have a week before we sign Utopia for a loss it will never recover from.”

Your heart sank yet again and you nodded furiously, understanding the gravity of the situation now that you heard it from someone who worked in the secret lab himself. He was about to leave when you called him and mouthed ‘stay safe’. 

Thankfully, Yunho gave his report in front of your team and all you had to do was follow up with your story, omitting the part where you knew the identity of the man you killed. After signing a few documents, you were allowed to leave and Yunho said he had someone to meet, asking Hani to make sure you go right to your room and rest.

Hani did just that, going as far as to help you take off your clothes so you could wash up while she cooked you some ramen, commenting on the lack of your healthy food choices. You smiled- she was such a mother not just to you but to everyone in your team. She did leave when dinner was ready and you had time to sort your thoughts out, enough time to recall what happened today.

You took a bullet for the enemy.

Could you call Yunho ‘the enemy’? Yunho, the person who cared with all his heart, the person who did serve the enemy, the one who would have taken a bullet for you too just because that is who he was. And Yeosang’s revelations had only confused you further about him- you should have just asked him if Yunho was the enemy.

But perhaps, he was just as confused as you were. Yunho had dared to dig into something so big. What stopped him? You understood that he was brilliant and after losing so many skilled Utopians, they couldn’t afford losing their own. But… what, exactly, made him stop? What did they have over him that was eating him alive because he could do nothing about it? The fact that these unsuccessful missions were simply misfortune (though one was staged) meant that they had something else over Yunho.

What could it be? A secret? Blackmail? Family?

You shut your eyes as you tried recalling his file that you had memorised, just like every other file on the employees of this department-

A knock sounded and you opened your eyes, wondering if your ears were still ringing. But when another knock sounded, this time louder, you got up and hesitantly opened the door-

To reveal Yunho. 

“You look like a mess… Sir,” you scanned him- messy hair, buttons undone, uniform torn from where he had cut it earlier for you, smudges of dirt and possibly blood on his exposed skin. “What brings you here?”

“Just wanted to make sure Hani didn’t kill you on her way here,” he scoffed. “Can I… come in?”

You nodded and he stepped in, awkwardly glancing around and you urged him to take a seat. You offered him dinner but he refused and you wondered if you could insist but handed him a chocolate bar instead and he accepted it, asking you just what happened during the mission.

“I found these,” you put your hand under the sofa and extracted a few pages. “Not sure what they mean but they might make sense to you.”

Yunho finished eating and examined the papers. “Medical terms I’m not quite familiar with. What do you reckon they say?”

“I don’t know, all these terms seem foreign to me,” you admitted- it wasn’t the entire truth. “You have someone who could translate it for us?”

“I’ll think about it. Shall I take these then?”

“Go ahead,” you said and he folded them neatly before putting them in his pocket. “Did the doctor say something before he… died?”

Yunho sighed deeply, rubbing his face. “I asked him why he gave up on his life at the sight of me. It’s my uniform- he recognised it. He only said that he did not want to go back and that he would prefer death.”

“‘Prefer death’,” you repeated. “That’s… something must have happened?”

“Yeah, I don’t know anymore,” Yunho slumped back. “I’m not sure I can investigate either.”

“Why?” You dared ask.

Yunho looked at you. “Do you have something to lose, Aurora?” You shook your head and he smiled. “Then you are very lucky.”

“What will you lose?” Your voice was almost a whisper and he looked down.

“Four years ago when we declared war on Utopia,” he began, “I lost a lot of friends. Some moved. Some went missing. When I tried tracing them, I always found myself at the Medical Research Department. I asked myself- why would someone missing be there when they didn’t have any relationship with the Medical Department whatsoever?”

“Oh, goodness,” you sighed and he nodded.

“I still don’t know why exactly- what exactly is going down there. I don’t know who to trust. When they realised I was digging in, they drafted my brother into the army so they could hold that over me. And after the previous mission, they threatened to place him within the enemy lines, where the war and the bloodshed is the thickest. I suppose they’ll do that now.”

“That’s… inhumane,” you breathed. No matter if Yunho was the enemy, that was still inhumane- to hold family against you. “They’re controlling you.”

“They’re controlling everyone here,” Yunho scoffed. “You cannot trust anyone.”

You raised a brow and he looked at you as if having realised just what he said. He locked eyes with you until you asked the inevitable.

“Do you trust me?”

“I don’t know, Aurora,” his voice was low and he shifted towards you. “You clearly have secrets you keep to yourself. I don’t know why I’m here- maybe I’ve doomed myself tonight.”

His eyes were expectant and they tugged at your heart with their warmth and vulnerability and… trust. Trust without knowing who exactly you were.

And you realised how deeply done you were for him when you found yourself saying, “I trust you. With all of my heart.”

Yunho blinked as if he couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Stomach in knots, you leaned forward a bit as you locked eyes with him. “I trust your judgement. I trust your motives, and I wish I could share your burden because I do not like to see you like this. I wish I could be your strength… if you’d allow me to. And I have nothing to lose anyway. I could do this for you-”

Perhaps you had signed yourself for your doom, you wondered, as Yunho grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you, bringing you in for a kiss so urgent as if you were on stolen time. Stomach in pleasurable knots, you leaned forward into the kiss, running your hands through his hair and pushing them away as you kissed him better, tasting the longing and pain in the way his hands cupped your face so delicately, in the way they later traced the outlines of your body-

And made you hiss in pain when they accidentally touched the bandaged spot on your arm. Yunho immediately drew back with concern on his face and you laughed a little when he examined it.

“I’m okay, just… it took me more by surprise, I guess.”

Yunho licked his lips, eyes falling to yours as he caught his breath. He forced himself to look at you. “You shouldn’t have taken the bullet for me, Aurora. Do you know how much it pains me?”

“I know you would have done the same,” you said and he looked away as if he did not want to believe that. “I’m fine. I know what I was doing.”

“I’m sorry-” 

“No,” you cupped his face this time, caressing it lovingly- you couldn’t bear the look in his eyes. “I would do that for you again,” you pecked his lips. “And again,” you kissed his cheek, trailing your lips up the side to plant another kiss on his temple. “And again,” you joined your forehead with his, his large hands going to hold your waist, making you feel so very safe as he buried his face in the crook of your neck, out of breath. You let him have his moment, caressing his head.

“What are we going to do, Aurora?”

“We’ll figure it out,” you kissed his head and he looked up at you. “I’ll make sure those bastards pay for what they did to you, you hear me? That’s a promise, Yunho. And I keep my promises.”

You sealed that promise with a kiss, so slow and sensual this time that it had you both wanting more. You unbuttoned Yunho’s uniform and tossed it on the floor, leaving him in a half-sleeve fitted shirt- oh, how beautiful he was. You traced his shoulders down to his arms and he snaked his hands up your waist, the sensation of his cold hands over your bare skin making you squirm a little which made him laugh, and then he was pulling you in for another kiss, this time as heated as it could be, tongues colliding and bodies rocking against each other in a rhythm that made you one.

You kissed each other for the longest time, affirmations and promises exchanged and then you lay in his arms, tired. You traced the multiple scars on his bare upper body, limbs tangled and breaths mingling as he fell asleep and you stifled in your tears, because-

Because this was love, in its pure and raw form. It took you so long to get here but you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, with anyone else. You wondered if all that happened was so that you could be right here, in this moment, feeling so complete-

But still, with the guilt of the lies you had said, with the secrets you kept. He was going to find out, and he would hate you, perhaps with all of his heart. But…

You’d keep your promise.

You were going to make Halaland pay for not only what they did to your homeland but what they did to their own. How they broke their own.

You chanted it to yourself along with the beat of Yunho’s heart.

—-------------------

Yunho was right about his brother being drafted to the enemy lines this time. He hated that he was right, but he could do nothing about it-

Or so he thought, because something had indefinitely snapped inside of you. Your hatred for Halaland was not only because of the fact that they took away your home and family, but because they took away the families of the ones who laid their lives for the cause. What for, you wondered? Halaland couldn’t even protect its own. So now, you were hell-bent on doing something about it. 

Each day, you pretended to be serving Halaland with utmost sincerity, urging Yunho to put on the same act. He tried his best and you prayed that it would mislead the superiors and whoever was watching. Every other night, you and Yunho gathered in either of your rooms to discuss whatever you found during the day- stealing from the database (Yunho was quite skilled) or picking information spontaneously (your forte). You’d match your findings but-

Whatever was going on in Medical Research was very, very serious if it was kept this confidential. You always found yourselves at a dead end- anyone you could contact was either still an employee or wiped off the map without a trace. 

So each night, you held Yunho in your arms and assured him that you would make it right for him. You caressed his face and kissed his head in promise, and each night he would ask you why you were doing this for him, just like he asked you tonight.

“Call me ungrateful but I don’t understand why you’re doing this for me, Aurora,” he was tracing the outlines of your face with one finger while you rested in his lap with a thick bundle of files you had been going through since the evening- the information of all the Utopian employees in the Medical Department. “I’d really like to know what the other reason is. You can’t simply be doing this for me.”

“What do you think it is?” You asked absently, reading the data of the person Yunho had pointed out earlier- Song Mingi. One of his oldest friends here who used to oversee some business in Medical Research before he went missing without a trace. The one, Yunho had told you, who made him embark on this journey.

“I don’t know,” Yunho’s arm was a comfortable weight around you and his lips on the bare skin of your neck were welcome. “I’m not sure I want to find out.”

“You’re pretty insistent for someone who doesn’t want to find out,” you mumbled, frowning as you read Song’s supervisor’s name- Dr. Kim- the same doctor who took your reports in your previous missions. “Is it strange that every missing person is somehow connected to Dr. Kim of Research?”

Yunho stopped nuzzling into your neck to look at you and think. “He is the supervisor.”

“That file over there,” you pointed at a file on the floor. “It said that Dr. Kim became the supervisor after every Utopian was expelled. A promotion at such a sensitive time is rather strange, don’t you think, given how ‘saddened’ you all must have been having lost a valuable ally in the war.”

Yunho shifted under you, making you face him, limbs still tangled. “You’re saying the feud must have begun due to something that happened in Medical Research, right?”

“It’s a possibility we should consider,” you planted the seed, knowing very well that it was a fact. “The timing of it all is strange. Do you think we can have someone confirm this fact? Or at least give us a hint?”

“I could ask Dr. Kang, but I’m not sure where his loyalty stands now,” he faltered.

“I mean… if they still haven’t erased him off the map, probably with Halaland?” You said and Yunho chuckled.

“Not that part. We’re all answering to someone. I don’t know if he’s answering to the right person.”

“I think we can trust him,” you offered. “When he trained me, he always insisted I put my ‘moral values’ before any order, no matter who it came from. It always stuck with me.”

“I can see that,” Yunho smiled, caressing the nape of your neck. “It’s probably why I’m here too. You don’t give a shit about rules, do you?”

You shrugged and smiled when he looked a little proud. “I could say the same for you. Do you know how dangerous it is to dig into information again? Haven’t you learned anything from the last time you did it?”

“I can’t let you carry this burden alone, can I?” He asked and you pouted because you’ve had this conversation with him just about a dozen times and he always insisted he do the dirty work and risk getting caught even when he was the one who had something to lose now. Yunho pecked at your pouted lips. “I want you to come with me when I meet Dr. Kang. He could be of help, and if he’s not…”

“If he’s not, all you have to do is say the word and he won’t breathe any part of it to anyone else,” you promised, heart dipping with the lie and he chuckled at your confidence before he kissed you.

His kisses, you were finding, could be soft like feathers when he wanted them to be. And right now, that was it. And these moments always put some hesitancy when you tried returning the sentiments because with each night you spent together like this, you were certain you could never bear being apart from him, never bear if he ever looked at you with hatred in his eyes- when he would eventually find out the truth.

Yunho’s hand cupped your face and tilted it, his hold tighter near your neck. You kissed back, but-

“Why do I always feel like something is holding you back when you’re with me, Aurora?”

You bit your lips as you drew away, finding it incredibly hard to open your eyes and face him but you did.

“The only reason I hold back,” you told him, shifting in his lap so you could face him, “is because I am so, so afraid of losing you, Yunho. I’m so afraid that you’ll hate me one day.”

 “I could never hate you,” his grip on your waist tightened and you looked down, not wanting him to see how vulnerable you were right now. If he pushed the right button, you would spill everything-

“Look at me, Aurora.”

You did and you couldn’t take the look in his eyes- you physically couldn’t, not when you wanted to tell him so much and risk wasting everything you’d built so far, so you kissed his lips with an urgency that told him to shut up for now and just kiss you back and make you feel good, and oh, did he return the sentiment.

“Don’t look at me like that again if you don’t want me to break,” you whispered in his ear.

“What about me, huh?” He stifled a pleasured groan when you rolled your hips on his lap. “Do you want to watch me break?”

You drew away and smiled and Yunho thought it was the most sadistic smile he had ever seen on anyone and it turned him on so bad. He picked you up effortlessly as he stood, making you scream a little and wrap your arms around his neck so you wouldn’t fall, laughing into his shoulder as he placed you on the table, hands on your thighs spreading them apart so he could fit between them as he looked down at you.

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” he said and then he was bringing you flush to his body and kissing you, rolling his hips along yours as you wrapped your legs around him. He wasted no time turning the kiss as heated and frantic as the movements of your body, his hands in your hair and one still on your thigh, thumb playing with the waistband of your shorts. You were lazily running your hands along his upper body and it was driving him crazy-

“Isn’t it about time we take it to bed?” You offered, looking at the clock. “It’s way past your bedtime, Yunho.”

He didn’t miss the suggestive glance and with another sensual kiss where he pulled at your lip, sending butterflies in your stomach, he let his fingers graze dangerously close to the skin between your thighs.

“Not before I have a taste of you right here.”

You shut your eyes in pleasure as warmth coursed through you at those words and you became lost in the bliss as he started trailing his lips down your body. 

Taking it to bed could definitely wait.

—-----------------------

It took you both a few days to perfect the plan to meet Dr. Kang, and you were now wondering if Yunho was turning into you as he started setting the stage so the act could play out effortlessly, so that someone would come and tell him to go to Medical Research for some dealings or strategic planning. And you wondered why Yunho hadn’t done it earlier- he was so good at it that you were a little scared and had started to wonder if he wasn’t who he pretended to be.

Yunho laughed when you asked him that during your break when you two were alone in the cafeteria. “I obviously needed a partner, right?”

You shrugged, not buying it. “You’re doing just fine by yourself. I haven’t done anything.”

“You, Aurora, pointed me in the right direction,” he told you and you looked at him. “I’m simply preparing a ride so we can go there.”

And the ride was arranged in the matter of a few days when Dr. Choi herself assigned you and Yunho, the most skilled strategists in the department, to help sketch plans for the future course of the war and Halaland’s stance. Yunho asked Dr. Choi why they were doing the planning in the Medical Department- was it to plan the placement of medical camps? Dr. Choi answered that she believed so, but even she sounded unconvinced. So, together with Yunho, you were finally going to the Medical Research Department officially. 

What you hadn’t expected was to be escorted to a storage room at the end of the Medical Research section and to be confronted by the same Dr. Kim who was pretty much in your blacklist now. 

“Your seniors swear you’re the smartest of the bunch so I’m going to trust them and have you sign this non-disclosure agreement,” he began, keeping it simple. You and Yunho met eyes in confusion. “I’ll tell you the details after you have signed.”

When Yunho didn’t move, Dr. Kim scoffed. “Your old friend Kang swears you’re the best strategists, both of you, so I took his word for it. Want me to call him?”

“No, I think we’re good,” Yunho said. “I just need to look at the clauses before I sign. Can I have a moment?”

“Sure,” Dr. Kim relaxed back in his seat and Yunho tapped at your arm in question. You nodded- if Yeosang had really been the one who pulled the strings, you weren’t going to complain. In fact, even if he wasn’t, this was your chance to see just what was cooking here. Yunho seemed to understand that and you both read through the terms and signed.

“Very well,” Dr. Kim got up, taking the documents. “You’re being led to Level 0 of Medical Research- the lab only the selected few know about.” 

Your heart sank in nervousness- this was it. Dr. Kim led you to the stairs and continued. “We’ve recently made a breakthrough and we think it’s about time that we get some input from the strategists. The war could end within days now, do you understand?”

Yunho looked as surprised as you had expected. Dr. Kim unlocked the door and immediately, you were hit with the stench of strong chemicals and cleaning alcohol. Dr. Kim asked you two to wait while he went inside a lab and you turned to Yunho.

“Listen to me- no matter what you see today, you do not react, understand?” You said, realising fully well that you were risking your identity. “Even if you see a familiar face or something inhumane, you play along and make the decisions they would like to hear. You cannot play the hero right now, okay?”

Yunho looked genuinely confused now but he understood that there was a high chance something immoral was going on here. “I’ll try.”

“You will, for your brother,” you whispered. “And I will too. For you.”

He squeezed your hand in assurance and before he could say anything else, Dr. Kim was back. “Follow me.”

—--------------------------

You two had just gotten back to your room from Level 0 of Medical Research, and you were staring at the walls as you tried to make sense of the horrors you had seen.

You were pretty sure it was as much of a blur to Yunho as it was for you- if you tried replaying it in your head, you recalled going inside and Dr. Kim explaining the background of how they got here, but then he led you inside and showed you-

A human experiment.

A man not much older than you, tied to the bed with steel chains as if he could break them apart. What was more surprising was that Dr. Kim confirmed he very well could. He was in a confined space and you watched through the glass.

“This seems to be our first successful prototype. Since a decade, we have been playing with the idea of a specialised human army- better strength, better skills. Quicker reflexes and better impulses. Utopia was our ally back then, and we usually discussed it as a fantasy until one of our doctors made a breakthrough in his research and created a drug he thought could do something similar.”

“So Utopia is doing the same as us?” You had asked casually, putting a hand on Yunho’s back and caressing once to assure him you were playing along.

“The whole reason Utopia and Halaland fell apart was disagreement on this- they have better morals, I’ll give them that,” Dr. Kim chuckled loudly and Yunho seemed visibly uncomfortable but passed a weak smile. “They changed sides. We continued to test our drugs, but we fell back- most of our skilled doctors had been Utopian. We lost many, hence the slow progress.”

“But now- you seem to have succeeded?” Yunho said.

“We’ve almost finished the testing period with this one,” he motioned at the man who seemed to be sleeping right now, looking very normal. “If the trial is successful, we’ll use the drug for others.”

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Yunho cleared his throat. “Where or who exactly are the others?”

Everything after that was a blur- Dr. Kim had revealed that there were only a few volunteers for this programme right now but they had a few Utopian employees and soldiers they had detained over the past few years. He had asked for strategic advice and you had set the trap for him- if, in case you lost the mission to expose them and they went ahead with their human army, you wanted them at the western front first- you knew Utopia would have something up their sleeve too- but Utopia would never stoop so low. 

Yunho had done his best to play along. You two spent a few hours in that department, even met Dr. Kang who Dr. Kim claimed was one of the researchers for this programme and when you finally got to leave, Yunho followed you to your room.

You turned to him, still not believing what you had seen. “Is this real?”

“I don’t know anymore,” Yunho took a deep breath, hiding his face in his hands. “I’m surprised I didn’t throw up at Dr. Kim’s feet.”

“Glad you didn’t,” you muttered. “What are we going to do, Yunho?”

“I honestly don’t know anymore, Aurora. I now know why my brother is fighting at the enemy lines- so I have no choice but to participate in this… massacre. Massacre of lives is what this is, Aurora. It disgusts me how they’re handling humans there- aren’t they humans themselves?”

“They’re not,” you almost whispered. 

“I don’t know how many unfortunate souls have been wasted because the trial failed. That drug is basically a human-control drug. It could cause so much destruction in the war. What’s the point of winning now, though?” He scoffed, shaking his head. “I understand now, why the doctor we went to retrieve didn’t want to go back- death is a better option than becoming a human lab rat.”

“Can’t we expose them?” You wondered out loud. “I don’t know- even to the enemy?” You looked at Yunho but the guarded look in his eyes- he had to think of his brother too. “I could do that, Yunho. I have nothing to lose- you can play along while I expose them and end this inhumanity-”

“You won’t do it alone,” Yunho shook his head furiously. “I won’t let you do it alone.”

“You have your brother, Yunho-”

“And you,” he turned to you and you almost cried, overwhelmed. “I can’t risk losing you too.”

“And I can’t risk losing you, either, please,” you joined your hands and rested your forehead against them. “Please let me do it alone.”

“What are you not telling me, Aurora?”

You looked at him, finding a knowing look in his eyes. You shook your head and he sighed. “You still can’t tell me?”

“Not yet,” you finally muttered and he nodded, planting a kiss on your forehead and you let the tears fall, realising this might be the last moment Yunho would look at you with such love. 

“Why do you cry, love?”

You only hid your face in his lap and he held you as you cried silent tears, caressing your head through it all. When you stopped, he made you look at him as he wiped your face.

“I don’t know why you don’t believe me, I don’t know what you’ve done or at this point, who you are, but I know you’re not as bad as you make yourself to be,” he had the gentlest smile on his face as he ran a thumb over your lips, locking eyes with you. “And I could never hate you, because you’ve saved me so many times now. You don’t even know how.”

“I’m sorry,” you almost whispered and he shook his head, leaning in to kiss you deeply and you responded eagerly. When he broke back, he joined his forehead with yours. 

“No matter where we go from here, I love you, Aurora. That’s the reason why I won’t let you do this alone, and I would hate it if you put yourself in a situation where you get hurt and I lose you forever, do you understand?”

You smiled at that, wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him good and tight. “And I love you, Yunho. That is why I’ll still insist that I have to do it alone- because I can’t bear to lose more people.”

“This argument will never end at this rate,” Yunho laughed as he rocked you back and forth. You drew back, pushing his hair away.”

“I know one way it will,” you suggested and he immediately understood, attacking you with an urgent kiss, making you arch into it and soon, he was on top of you on the couch, taking off layer after layer of your clothes, of the mask you wore around him, until you were bare. Until you wished he would call your real name when he kissed every inch of your body and murmured sweet nothings. Until you broke in every way possible, wondering how you could ever recover from this.

You had to do this alone.

—---------------------------

“You’re always alone. And you always will be.”

When the Captain had said those words, you had wanted to tell him he was wrong. Yes, that was the loneliest period of your life, but even then you had a few people who were with you. You had simply nodded and let him believe his words were wrapping around your heart.

However, now that Yunho held Kang Yeosang at gunpoint and looked at you with absolute hatred in his eyes, you couldn’t help but think back to that moment. You could practically feel the Captain’s hands on your shoulders as he whispered it in your ears-

“You’re always alone. And you always will be.”

Before you knew it, you were pointing a gun at Yunho’s head too and Yeosang stopped struggling in his grasp as he looked at you in surprise.

“We don’t have to do this, Yunho,” you said and even though your tone was harsh, your voice still quivered a bit.

“We really don’t, Aurora,” he said, tightening his hold on Yeosang. “I don’t know who you are anymore or why you’re doing this, but I can’t let you take these people.”

Everything had gone horribly wrong tonight. Seonghwa had provided you with the big plan- a distraction that would give you and him enough time to vacate Level 0 with the people trapped in there. Yeosang and Dr. Seo Yuna- a Halaland native who strongly opposed the idea of human experiments- were on duty tonight so all they had to do was sneak you in and show you the emergency exit. It led to a restricted parking area where Seonghwa would be waiting with an ambulance-

An ambulance because the Medical Department would be set on fire tonight. Dr. Kang and Dr. Seo were trained just like the other doctors in Level 0 on the evacuation process in case of an emergency. What the higher-ups wouldn’t expect would be everyone in Level 0 disappearing without a trace. Level 0 and all its data would turn to ashes tonight.

The plan was seamless, however, Yunho’s presence was something you didn’t expect and it caught you off guard when he arrived at the basement. He spotted you transferring his old friend, Song Mingi, on a stretcher and ran towards him, making you freeze momentarily as he examined his state.

“What happened?” Yunho asked you.

“Do you… recognise him?” You were going to play dumb for as long as you could. 

“That’s Mingi- my old friend,” he sounded broken as he brushed the hair off Mingi’s face, finding him all ragged and pale. “What are you doing here, Aurora?”

You glanced around- Dr. Kang and Dr. Seo were not present. You turned to Yunho. “You can’t be here- I was assigned to help evacuate the members of Level 0 because of the fire. Nobody assigned you, as far as I know.”

“And who assigned you?” His gaze was hard and you bit your lips, about to make up an answer when you heard footsteps behind you and saw Yeosang appear from the tunnel, look at you both and take out his gun to point at Yunho, who scoffed in disbelief.

“I’m going to have to ask you to leave- you cannot be here,” Yeosang drew closer and for the first time, you couldn’t make a quick decision, only glanced back and forth like a confused child. 

“Why is my presence such a big problem here?” Yunho straightened, gazing at both of his friends long and hard. “I’m authorised with access here, just like Aurora, am I not?”

Yeosang glanced at you and your reflexes kicked in- you knew that look. He was going to shoot Yunho. When his hand shifted on the trigger, you immediately grabbed a tray and threw it at Yeosang, making Yunho duck as he shot. Yeosang gaped at you and you ran towards him but he pointed his gun at you, making you raise your hands.

“Please, Yeosang, not him,” you begged. “He can help- just listen to me-”

“The Captain only allowed you to save his brother,” he whispered. “He said nothing about Yunho.”

You were about to protest when Yunho pushed you to the side- you didn’t even hear him coming this time. He was on Yeosang in a second, startling him and wrestling him until he was in his grasp and Yunho had him at gunpoint.

And so here you stood, pointing your gun at him. You caught your breath and shut your eyes when the tears started to sting. When you opened them, you spoke. “You have two choices, Yunho. You can either let me go and meet your brother at the same cabin the doctor died that day, or you can kill me right now and lose everything you love.”

“I’ve already lost everything I love,” his voice was strangled and you shook your head in denial. 

“You can save your brother,” you pleaded. “Please.”

“Where are you taking them?” He asked.

“I can’t tell you that,” you shook your head, knowing what it would cost you if you told Yunho everything right now- not only your life but Yunho’s as well.

“Is this who you are, Aurora?” Yunho scoffed. “A true Halaland loyal?”

You didn’t respond though his words felt like a stab. “You have 10 seconds to make a decision.”

The sound of those seconds being ticked off echoed within all of you and at the 9th second when you were about to pull the trigger, Yunho let go of Yeosang and you exhaled in relief, but it died down when his eyes met yours, full of betrayal. Hatred. Confusion. And so, so much anger.

“It’s funny, now that I think about it,” Yunho pushed his hair back. “All those times we interacted. Your sole purpose was to use me to get here, wasn’t it?”

This time, the tears did leave your eyes. Yeosang shook his head and asked Yunho to exit the premises and go through the emergency exit unnoticed if he wanted to save his brother. Yunho passed you a sad smile before he left and you sank down to your knees, fisting the ends of your shirt and screaming your heart out. Yeosang patted your back once before muttering that you had already lost precious time. 

You helped transport the members in a daze. When you set fire to the lab, you didn’t feel one ounce of regret. You told yourself you would set a similar fire some day and burn your feelings for Yunho as well. 

But tonight? Tonight you would let them consume you and drive you mad. Only tonight.

So when you spotted the Captain in an abandoned building that you were going to use until you could go back to Utopia, the cracks of dawn illuminating the ruins, you didn’t bow like you would have. You ran to him instead and hit his chest with your fists repeatedly, crying and screaming, not caring who witnessed the moment. The Captain made no move to stop you, raising a hand to stop Seonghwa instead who was pulling out his gun. He let you have your moment until you were tired and rested your head against his shoulder, crying your heart out.

“Who broke you, Aurora? Who melted that ice-cold heart of yours?”

“I hate you for doing this to me,” you cried and he tsk-ed. “I won’t forgive you.”

“I told you, Aurora,” he held you by your shoulders and you looked at him- hair styled an odd way- half bleached and half natural. It made him look fiercer than ever. “I told you that you will always be alone in this field. It is your weakness that led you here. You can blame me all you want, but it’s on you.”

“Just tell me it’s over,” you said, feeling drained. “Tell me my job is done.”

“It is,” he nodded. “When we go back to Utopia… you’re a free bird if you choose to be.”

You looked beside you at Seonghwa and Yeosang, shaking your head. “I’m going to head inside first then.”

—----------------------

Yunho didn’t know what he was expecting when he broke into the cabin, but his brother laughing with someone else looking unscathed and free just wasn’t it. 

He frowned in confusion. “Gunho?” 

Gunho gasped audibly before rushing to hug his brother and Yunho almost cried in relief. Gunho looked at him. “You’re finally here!”

“Were you waiting for me?” Yunho scanned him, making sure he was okay.

“Of course I was,” he patted his arm, drawing back. “Wooyoung here was kind enough to get me- he won’t tell me who he is but apparently he holds the authority to discharge me from the army. I’m free now.”

“No way,” Yunho breathed, looking gratefully at Wooyoung who shook his head.

“I was simply doing my job.”

“Who assigned you?” Yunho dared to ask.

“I think you know that already,” Wooyoung winked, getting up and straightening his army uniform. “I’ll be taking my leave now. My last message for you is ‘don’t go back’. Oh, and I have something else-”

Wooyoung dug in his pocket and produced four bullets, placing them in Yunho’s extended palm. Yunho recognised the bullets- the one he’d given Aurora, but-

“There should be one more?”

“She kept one,” Wooyoung smiled knowingly.

Yunho sighed deeply. “Tell me where to find her- or someone who can give me answers.

Wooyoung considered for a moment- he had seen the way Aurora had nearly broken when she begged him to save someone she knew nothing about except the name. And the fact that this person was here and still looked sceptical…

Wooyoung took out a piece of paper and pencil and scribbled an address. “Seven days from now, you can find us here. I don’t know if Aurora will still be there by that time.”

“What do you mean?” Yunho asked.

“We’re going back home, Yunho,” Wooyoung smiled. “The war is ending soon. There will be no victory, simply a treaty.”

“Home?” Yunho couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Wooyoung simply saluted mockingly before exiting the cabin.

—---------------------

The past week, Yunho had replayed every moment since Aurora came into his life. Every single time he had seen her, had interacted with her or heard about her from someone else.

He realised he had been blind. The answer was so painfully obvious- Aurora wasn’t from Halaland at all. He was pretty sure her name wasn’t Aurora as well. 

She was a spy, he knew. And now that he thought about it, she hadn’t really done much to hide it- at least not in front of him. From always staring towards the west, not at the setting sun but towards her homeland, to almost cracking Utopia’s code so easily- he wondered if she was the mastermind behind the code. The way she questioned every move Halaland made, the way she put a distance between them-

Every night, he held the four bullets in his hands and wondered why she kept the fifth one. It made him so, so restless.

And every night, Yunho always ended his train of thoughts with the same question every night-

Did she actually love him, or was all of it to get to Medical Research?

Was he simply a rung on the ladder to get to her goal? Or was he not meant to be part of the equation at all, a mistake on her part?

Yunho didn’t realise how long he simply stood in front of the cottage until someone creeped up behind him, patting his back and scaring him a little. It was Seonghwa- yet another surprise.

Just how many people in the Halazia Research Facility were spies? Were they only Utopians or were they from other nations as well?

“I almost killed you because I didn’t recognise you,” Seonghwa lit a cigarette, offering him one but Yunho declined. “So you’re finally here.”

“What do you mean ‘finally here’?” Yunho asked. “Were you expecting me?”

“We placed bets- don’t tell Aurora,” Seonghwa snickered. “Yeosang owes me 10 now.”

She was still here.

“Where is she?” Yunho gulped.

“Not so quick, mate,” Seonghwa scanned him. “You’ve been travelling quite a bit, haven’t you?”

“Have you been spying on me?” Yunho scoffed.

“Weren’t you looking for a place to keep your brother safe?” Seonghwa simply said. “Have you found one?”

“Not yet,” Yunho admitted. 

“You could come with us, you know.”

Yunho considered that. “I don’t know who ‘us’ is. I can’t blindly follow you to god knows where.”

“Well then, I guess you should meet the Captain. He specifically asked me to bring you to him if you came. He’s quite interested in seeing the face of the person who broke his dear Aurora’s heart.”

Yunho raised a brow though his heart sank at his admission. “Where is she, Seonghwa?”

“Out on a mission- she’ll be back by dawn,” Seonghwa urged him to follow him inside and took him to a room where Yunho spotted a man with unique hair standing by the fire. Seonghwa knocked on the door and he turned.

“This is Jeong Yunho.”

“This is him?” the man scoffed as he came forward, a cane in his hand that Yunho wasn’t entirely sure was for mobility purposes. Probably a weapon. “I expected something else- I don’t know. I can’t believe this is the face that melted her frozen heart.”

“And who are you?” Yunho countered, watching Seonghwa take his leave. The man motioned for him to take a seat and Yunho did after a moment of hesitation. The man followed, sitting in front of him.

“They call me the Captain around here. Captain of the Crescents- a group of spies who were born for the sole purpose of taking revenge on Halaland after they betrayed us. Betrayed Utopia.”

Yunho let that sink in. “What revenge?”

“I think you know that already,” the Captain sighed. “Honestly, when I learned that Aurora had told you more than you should have known, considering you don’t have an ounce of Utopian blood in you, I was ready to kill both her and you. But, that brat…” he scoffed in amusement. “She got on her knees for you, Jeong. Do you have any idea what that means?”

Yunho looked blank so he continued. “Aurora is one of the best spies I’ve known in my life. I had to break her to make her bend. But you… what did you do? What sweet things did you mutter to turn my strongest spy into such a hopeless mess? All these years of training her into becoming a cold-hearted thinker and assassin, and she melts because apparently you looked, really looked at her with those eyes of yours.”

Yunho looked down, each word hammering a nail in his head. “If she had told me… I would have joined her. I was never in favour of Halaland’s unethical methods, and after I discovered what was really going on…”

“If she told you, you would have exposed her. She understood that, because she would have done the same. You’re only human, after all,” the Captain twirled the cane in his hands. “Why are you here today?”

“To get answers,” Yunho replied. 

“You’ve got your answers now, haven’t you? Scoot off, then,” he relaxed back, glaring at Yunho.

“Who are you, really?” Yunho asked. “How come you knew about the Medical Research Department?”

The Captain’s smirk fell and he looked wistfully into the fire. “Because I’m one of the masterminds behind Level 0, and to this day, I regret being a part of it.”

Yunho was positive his heart actually dropped to his feet. “You’re a Utopian?”

“The only Utopian who escaped at the right time before they turned against us and stole our ideas,” the Captain looked at Yunho. “Kim Hongjoong, in flesh and blood.”

“Kim Hongjoong is dead,” Yunho couldn’t believe his ears. “We held a funeral for you.”

“A good cover up by Halaland, I’ll give them that,” he shrugged. “They needed to do that to take over and turn on Utopia- they’ve been on my tail ever since. I wasn’t sure if they had the brains to continue with the experimentation- testing on humans was never my idea either. It’s why I sent Aurora to finish this once and for all. We’ve met with your higher-ups and we’ve agreed to not expose their dirty deeds if they end this nonsensical war. The official end of the war will be announced soon.”

Yunho definitely felt something like a heavy burden lifted from his shoulders at the revelation. “And where are the members of Level 0?”

“The ones who were actually doing the dirty deeds will be secretly tried in court. The ones who were spies, like Yeosang… they’re going home. I understand you had a few friends there? Mingi, for instance? He was my closest junior- he’s in the next room if you wish to see him.”

Yunho nodded, letting all of this digest before he got up. “Thank you for what you did- I’m not sure I quite understand the gravity of it yet- it’s too much to process right now, but… thank you.”

“No need to thank me, I did what I had to,” Hongjoong looked at him, an unspoken agreement shared.

He needed to thank Aurora.

He needed to see Aurora.

Yunho spent the most part of the night with Mingi, catching up and confirming the facts, learning that the ‘lab rats’ were now being treated by the doctors and realising how brutally his people had treated even their own. His heart felt tight in his chest by the time he was done chatting with him and he went outside for some fresh air.

And a few minutes later, spotted two figures walking towards the cottage.

He could recognise you even from your silhouette, and he thought it was crazy that he did. He recognised the exact moment you saw him and paused for a mere fraction of a second before continuing to move like nothing had happened. He knew your mannerisms, he knew you inside out, and yet-

He knew nothing about you.

He didn’t even know your name.

This time when you met eyes, he waved awkwardly at you and you felt your heart sink again. You wanted to scream at him, shout at him, but you were far too tired. Your companion took leave, disappearing inside and you walked slowly but surely to Yunho.

“You’re here.”

Yunho passed a tight-lipped smile, wondering where to begin. He scanned you as you took off your mask and hat, looking-

Fatigued. 

“Are you- have you been well?” Yunho asked, hating how he sounded.

You shrugged. “Did you meet your brother?”

“Yes. He’s safe now…” Yunho took a step forward but you backed away and he paused, muttering a ‘sorry’.

“Well, I guess that’s it, then?” You began, looking up and scanning him- you had no idea where he had been the past week but he looked the most weary. “You heard everything, I’m assuming?”

Yunho nodded. “I should have seen it earlier. You didn’t really hide it from me, did you?”

A faintest hint of a smile crawled to your lips. “You don’t always see what’s in front of your eyes, Yunho.”

Yunho’s heart tugged at the way you called his name. “What are we going to do, Aurora?”

You passed a weak smile. “I don’t know. All I know is that I’m going back. I cannot spend one day longer in this wicked, wicked land.”

Yunho felt the jab good and well. “I’m sorry for what it took from you.”

“Are you?” You sighed when hurt flashed across his eyes. “I’m not even mad at you, Yunho. I’m just… disappointed in myself. I’m disappointed that my love didn’t seem real enough- that you doubted my intentions so quickly.”

“And wouldn’t you have done the same?” Yunho challenged. “If I turned my back on you? Wouldn’t you have questioned every moment that we shared?”

“Maybe not-”

“You could have told me, Aurora,” Yunho almost yelled in frustration but clenched his eyes shut to reel himself in. “All you had to do was trust me. You didn’t trust me enough to tell me who you were. I keep calling you Aurora but that’s not even your name.”

You felt the very familiar sting in your eyes. “I had people to protect.”

“And so did I,” Yunho’s gaze was hard. “And I had you to protect. I would have laid my life down for you, if only you had allowed me to.”

You turned away, wiping your eyes. “I couldn’t allow that.”

“So we’re even then, aren’t we?” Yunho’s voice was also quivering and you dared to glance at him. “Please… look at me.”

You did and this time when he stepped towards you, you didn’t back away. He put his hands on your shoulders, rubbing them just like he used to. “Tell me your name.”

You passed him a sad smile as you told him your name, buried somewhere so deep inside you, uncalled for years. He said it twice, testing it on his lips. It felt right.

“Y/n,” he smiled widely and you laughed through the tears. “I want to know who that is. I want to learn about you again, if you’ll let me. If you forgive me for doubting you and for being an asshole-”

“No,” you shook your head furiously. “You gave me so much, Yunho, and I returned nothing in comparison. I would have lost myself there if it weren’t for your presence always grounding me, even when we were as good as strangers. I- you gave me love when I thought I’d never find it again, when it had become a foreign concept to me.”

“Do you love me still, y/n?” He asked, his eyes expectant.

“I do, you fool,” you laughed, finally earning the grin you so loved to see. “I hope you don’t hate me.”

“How could I?” Yunho’s hand shook slightly as he cupped your face and you leaned into his touch. His gaze was so strong as he caressed the angles of your face- you were positive your knees were actually turning weak and perhaps they were, that’s why his other hand travelled to your waist to bring you closer. “How could I hate you when you look at me like this? Like you could break me? Like you’d break in my touch too?”

He planted a kiss on your forehead, lingering there and you breathed in the scent of him- the scent that was your home now. Yunho didn’t waste any more time, leaning in and capturing your lips in a kiss that absolutely shattered you the way it was so cautious yet so, so demanding. You brought your arms to wrap around his neck, standing on your tiptoes with your body flush against him as you kissed back, deeper, making him loosen up with every movement until you were simply making out, exchanging all the feelings too deeply buried, all the words unspoken, all the apologies and the promises.

“I missed you so, so much, y/n,” Yunho breathed against your lips when you broke apart for breath, tugging at your lower lip with his teeth that made you dig your nails into his skin. He pecked your lips again. “You have no idea.”

“I do,” you kissed him. “I know all too well.”

Yunho drew apart, tucking your hair behind your ears as he gazed at you lovingly. “Take me with you this time, will you?”

“You want to come with me to Utopia?” You raised a brow.

“I mean… all my friends will be there,” he glanced back at the cottage and you understood who he meant. “Besides… I’m quite sick of Halaland too. Pretty sure they have a wanted poster back in the facility for me.”

You laughed at that. “Basically you want to come with me because you’re dead meat here.”

“I’m dead meat anywhere if I’m not with you-”

“Stop!” You put your hands over your ears, laughing as you ran away because his goofy side was back and he went after you, making you squeal.

Hongjoong and Seonghwa stood watching from the window upstairs. Hongjoong tsk-ed. “An absolutely disgusting sight, don’t you think?”

“Absolutely,” Seonghwa clinked his drink with Hongjoong’s and they both cursed under their breaths as they drank-

To love. To victory.

To going back home.

[you-have-a-metal-arm]

'Til The End of The Line pt. 2

Pairing: Bucky x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: Mentions of hospitals

Summary: You get injured in a mission, and Bucky cannot bear to see you in such state.

Author's Note: Please do not copy or translate my work. English is not my first language, so please understand grammar or spelling mistakes.

Thank you for those who enjoyed the first part, and thank you again for waiting.

Part 2 is now yours.

The world around Bucky seemed to blur as he followed the medical team through the corridor. His heart pounded in his chest, each beat echoing in his ears like a drum. The sight of you lying so still, bloodied and broken, was something he never thought he’d see—not like this, not when he hadn’t even told you how much he loved you that morning.

As Dr. Cho and her team wheeled you into the surgical room, Bucky’s steps faltered. He felt like he was wading through quicksand, every movement heavy and slow. He wanted to be with you, to hold your hand, to tell you that everything would be okay. But he was kept out of the room, forced to watch through the glass as the doors closed behind you.

Tony, standing beside him, placed a firm hand on his shoulder. “She’s strong, Bucky. She’ll pull through.”

But Tony’s words felt hollow to Bucky. He had seen too much death, too much loss. The fear of losing you was like a knife twisting in his gut. He couldn’t lose you—not when you were his reason to keep fighting, his anchor in the storm.

His mind raced back to the last few months—the mornings spent in quiet domesticity, the late-night talks about the future, the way you laughed at his terrible jokes. How could it all be ripped away in a single moment?

Bucky pressed his hand against the glass, his breath fogging up the cold surface. His other hand clenched into a fist, the tension coiled tight in his chest. The image of you, fragile and bleeding, burned into his mind.

Minutes passed, or maybe it was hours—he couldn’t tell. Time had no meaning as he stood there, waiting, praying, hoping for a miracle.

Tony stayed by his side, silent. Steve joined them, his face drawn and pale. The guilt weighed heavily on Steve’s shoulders, and Bucky could see it. But Bucky had no room for blame—only a desperate need for you to come back to him.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Dr. Cho emerged from the operating room. Her face was tired, but there was a glimmer of hope in her eyes. “She’s stable, but it was touch and go for a while.”

Bucky’s knees almost buckled with relief, but he held himself upright by sheer will. “Can I see her?”

Dr. Cho nodded. “She’s still unconscious, but you can sit with her. It’s important she has someone she loves nearby when she wakes up.”

Bucky didn’t wait for further permission. He pushed past the others and entered the room where you lay. The sight of you hooked up to monitors, IVs, and machines tore at his heart, but at least you were alive. Your chest rose and fell steadily, and the color was slowly returning to your cheeks.

He pulled up a chair beside your bed, taking your hand in his. The warmth of your skin, even faint, was enough to give him hope. He brushed a stray lock of hair from your forehead, his thumb tracing the lines of your face as if memorizing every detail.

“I’m here, doll,” he whispered, his voice breaking with emotion. “I’m right here. Please, come back to me.”

The room was quiet, save for the beeping of the machines that tracked your vital signs. Bucky stayed by your side, his grip on your hand firm but gentle. He didn’t sleep, didn’t eat—he just watched you, waiting for any sign that you were waking up.

Hours passed, and the rest of the team came and went, offering support, but Bucky barely registered them. His world had narrowed down to just you, lying so still in that hospital bed.

At some point, he must have dozed off because he was startled awake by a faint pressure on his hand. His eyes flew open, and he looked down to see your fingers twitching slightly in his grasp.

“Y/N?” His voice was barely a whisper as he leaned closer, his heart pounding in his chest.

You stirred, your eyelids fluttering weakly. It took you a moment to orient yourself, but when your eyes finally opened, they were full of confusion and pain. “B-Buck?” Your voice was hoarse, barely audible.

“I’m here, doll, I’m right here.” Bucky’s relief was palpable as he squeezed your hand gently, his eyes misting over. “You’re okay. You made it.”

A weak smile tugged at your lips, though the effort seemed to exhaust you. “I… I thought… I wasn’t going to make it.”

“You did, though,” Bucky whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “You’re safe now. We’re together.”

Tears welled up in your eyes as you looked at him, your hand trembling slightly in his grasp. “I… I heard you… on the comms. I was so scared… that I’d never see you again.”

“It’s quite a miracle that she woke up. But we still must keep an eye out for any damage to her brain,” the doctor said.

“I’ll call Dr. Cho for further checkups. My job’s done for now.” The doctor left, and Bucky’s gaze returned to you.

Bucky sat back down beside you, his eyes brimming with unshed tears as he clutched your hand like it was the only thing anchoring him to reality. He couldn't believe you were awake, breathing, speaking to him. The terror of almost losing you hadn’t yet faded from his mind.

You looked at him, your voice barely a whisper but full of the love you had for him. “Hey, I told you I’m not going anywhere, didn’t I?”

Bucky let out a shaky laugh, a mix of relief and disbelief. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to yours, feeling the warmth of your skin that he thought he’d never feel again. “You scared the hell out of me, doll. I thought—”

His voice cracked, and he couldn’t finish the sentence.

“I know, I know,” you whispered, your free hand weakly brushing the tears from his cheeks. “But I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, Buck.”

He pulled back to look at you, his blue eyes swimming with emotion. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he admitted, his voice barely holding together.

“I can’t lose you. I won’t.”

“You won’t,” you reassured him, squeezing his hand with as much strength as you could muster. “We’re going to get through this. Together.”

For a long moment, Bucky just stared at you, memorizing every line of your face as if afraid it might vanish if he looked away. The weight of everything he had almost lost hung heavily in the air between you, but so did the promise of the future you still had together.

“I love you,” he whispered, his voice trembling with the intensity of the words.

“More than anything in this world.”

“I love you too, Buck,” you replied softly, your eyes shining with the same intensity. “And I’m sorry for putting you through this. For making you worry so much.”

“Don’t,” he said, shaking his head. “Don’t apologize. None of this is your fault. You’re the strongest person I know, and you’re going to get better. We’re going to get through this, and then we’ll live that life we talked about.”

A small, hopeful smile tugged at your lips. “Yeah, with the house, the backyard, and maybe… maybe even those babies.”

Bucky’s heart swelled with emotion at the thought. The future seemed so far away, but with you here, with your hand in his, it felt possible again. “Yeah,” he agreed, his voice choked with emotion. “We’ll have that. I promise you, we’ll have that.”

You closed your eyes for a moment, exhaustion weighing heavily on you, but you fought to stay awake, to stay with him. “I’m going to hold you to that, Barnes.”

He chuckled softly, brushing a strand of hair from your face. “You better. I’m not going anywhere either, doll. You’re stuck with me.”

“Good,” you whispered, finally allowing yourself to drift off to sleep, knowing that Bucky would be right there when you woke up again.

As you slept, Bucky stayed by your side, his hand still holding yours tightly. He didn’t move, didn’t even blink, afraid that if he did, this fragile moment of peace would shatter. But as he watched the steady rise and fall of your chest, he let himself believe that everything was going to be okay. That the darkness had passed, and the light of a new day would bring the life you both deserved.

And for the first time in what felt like forever, Bucky allowed himself to hope.

---------------------------------

Tag list @baw1066 @hzdhrtss @mrsnikstan

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Thank you for reading and enjoy your weekend :)

[queenofvelaris]

Worthy

Steve Rogers x fem!reader

Word count: 9.7k (don’t look at me)

Contains: ANGST but with a happy ending, mentions of abuse, self-deprecation, Tony’s stupid quips, fight scenes (its age of ultron duh), tooth-rotting fluff, minor character deaths

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. Everyone except for the reader and her family belongs to Marvel.

Author’s Note: hiiii so I wrote this in 2021 when I was going through a really dark time. It brought me so much peace to write it and I figured it was time I share it with the world. Reblogs, likes, and comments are much appreciated and I would love to hear your thoughts (such as if I should post more cause I got more 🫣) anyways I hope you like it!!

***

Worthy. What a ridiculous word. A hypocritical one, too. There are those who believe with everything they’ve got— even to the point of being prideful— that they’re worthy. Others hope that they are. And the rest feel, deep down inside, that they’ll never be worthy.

“I bet it’s a trick,” Clint commented, spinning drumsticks between his fingers. He was sat next to Maria, and on his other side, Bruce and Natasha were deep in conversation. Tony and Rhodey sat on the futon. Dr. Cho was asleep.

Thor chuckled and handed a newly opened beer bottle to Steve. (Y/N) was on the carpet, her back against Steve’s strong legs. Thor shook his head. “No, no. It is much more than that.”

“Whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power,” Clint mocked in a Shakespearean voice that made (Y/N) snort. “Whatever, man!”

Thor grinned and indicated his hammer, propped up on the coffee table. “Please, be my guest.”

Tony smirked at Clint. “Go ahead!”

Clint raised his eyebrows. “Really?” He leaped to his feet.

“Oh, this is gonna be beautiful,” Rhodey remarked.

Steve leaned down and whispered in (Y/N)’s ear. “Five bucks says he gives up after five seconds.”

“You’re on,” (Y/N) shot back. “I say ten seconds… gotta give the man a little credit.” She smiled to herself as Steve tickled her shoulder. If she were on the same level as him, she’d tickle him right back.

From the very beginning of the Avengers initiative, after that whole mess in 2012, Steve has always been the one (Y/N) was closest to, Clint being a very close second. It was an instant click. They loved the same movies, traded jokes and sarcastic comments, trained together, and even fell asleep next to each other on the couch on days off. Three years later, they are as close as ever.

Clint approached Mjölnir, a swagger in his step. Tony leaned forward in his seat. “Clint, you’ve had a tough week. We won’t hold it against you if you can’t get it up.”

Everyone chuckled at that and Clint ignored them, eyeing Thor. “You know I’ve seen this before, right?”

He reached for the handle and tugged, grunting as he did so. About five seconds later, he gave up, shaking his head. “I still don’t know how you do it!”

“Smell the silent judgment?” Tony jeered at Clint as (Y/N) grudgingly handed Steve five bucks.

Steve made it better with a flash of his perfect smile and a wink from his pretty blue eyes. Beaming, she rolled her eyes and focused on the petty ones in the room.

Clint held out his hand. “Stark, by all means.”

Tony shrugged and stood, earning a chorus of “Uh oh”, “Mmm-hmm”, “Oh here we go.” He practically strutted over to the hammer. “Never been one to shy away from an honest challenge.”

“Yeah, but how often do you win ‘em?” (Y/N) muttered and Steve laughed so hard he choked on his beer. Rhodey and a couple others went “ooo!”

Tony shot her a playful glare and looped his wrist through the loop on the top of the handle. “It’s physics.” He glanced at Thor. “Alright, so, uh, if I lift it, I then rule Asgard?”

Thor nodded benevolently. “Yes.”

Tony grasped the handle and put one foot on the table. “I will be reinstituting Prima Nocta.” He grunted and pulled, but the hammer didn’t move at all. He removed the loop and cleared his throat. “Be right back.”

He stormed away and came back not one minute later with an Iron Man glove from his latest model. “That’s cheating!” Maria called.

Tony put it on and grasped the handle. “And I’m Tony Stark.” He yanked on the handle, but the Asgardian weapon remained unmovable. He turned his hand and little turbines came out of the arm, acting like a rocket. Still, Mjölnir stayed still as a rock.

(Y/N) shook her head, grinning as Tony struggled with the hammer. “Give it a rest, pretty boy, you can’t lift it.”

“I can and will, sugar lips,” Tony retorted good-naturedly. He waved Rhodey over and the latter put on his own hand gear from War Machine. Watching them try and lift it together was hysterical and (Y/N) could barely breathe, she was laughing so hard.

Next up was Bruce, who climbed on the table and screamed when he couldn’t lift the hammer. Everyone stared at him in amusement and he flushed pink, embarrassed.

(Y/N) had her head on Steve’s knee when Maria tried and failed. The former S.H.I.E.L.D. agent turned to (Y/N). “Alright, you’re up.”

She lifted her head, chewing on her lip. “Oh, no. I, uh, I’m not doing it.”

Tony whined. “Come on! After Capsicle and Shakespeare in the Park, you’re the strongest one here!”

He wasn’t wrong. That’s another reason she and Steve were both so close-- they were the only enhanced beings in the tower. Her super strength and cat-like agility earned her the nickname of The Leopard, only she wasn’t experimented on. Her mom had been a chemist for S.H.I.E.L.D. when (Y/N) was young, and one day she came to work with her mom and there was an explosion that resulted from the leak of a new serum designed to replicate the one inside Steve. She and her mom both got struck. The result? She got powers and her mom was killed.

“I’m not lifting it, Stark,” she said firmly. She held his gaze. Normally, she’d sigh at the sight of those puppy dog eyes and grudgingly give into whatever task he wanted her to complete. But this… this was different.

Thor boomed, “It is not about strength, Stark. It is about worthiness.”

And I’m the least worthy person here, she said silently.

Steve petted her head for a second before patting her shoulder. “I’ll try.”

Grateful, she shuffled to the side to let him stand. She took his place on the couch next to Thor and watched as he rolled up the sleeves of his button-up. His blonde hair glowed in the light and his arm muscles flexed as he gripped onto the hammer.

Clenching his jaw, Steve tugged on the hammer… and it moved slightly. Thrilled, (Y/N) stole a glance at Thor’s face and nearly pissed herself. Thor looked so shocked. Stifling her laughter, she watched as Steve pulled on the handle once more before letting go, holding up his hands in surrender.

Thor audibly blew out a sigh of relief, a small smile returning to his face. (Y/N) shoved his arm. “Don’t worry, no one’s coming for your throne, Thunder.”

Steve chuckled at that and sat back down next to her. Everyone looked at Nat, who smiled and took a sip of her beer. “Oh, no, no, that’s not a question I need answered.”

Tony raised his bottle. “All deference to the man who wouldn’t be king, but it’s rigged.”

Clint clapped Tony on the shoulder. “You bet your ass.”

Maria piped up, “Steve, he said a bad language word.”

“Did you tell everyone about that?” Steve demanded, glaring at Tony as (Y/N) buried her face in his shoulder to smother her laughter. Steve wrapped his arm around her instead of pushing her away, and when she lifted her head, she had to look away from Natasha, whose smirking expression was directed right at her and Steve. Nat has caught them curled up together on the couch before, and each time (Y/N) has told her “Steve is my best friend.” Even though I want more.

Tony leaped to continue his previous train of thought. “The handle’s imprinted. Like a security code. ‘Whosoever is carrying Thor’s fingerprints’ is I think the literal translation.”

“Yes, that’s a, uh, very, very interesting theory,” Thor replied, standing with his Asgardian ale in one hand. “I have a simpler one.” He lifted the hammer with ease and flipped it, catching it gracefully. “You are all not worthy.”

(Y/N) shook her head with a small smile on her face, Steve and Clint laughed, Rhodey and Bruce scoffed, Tony groaned a “Come on!” and Maria and Natasha exchanged looks with the now awake Dr. Cho.

Suddenly, a loud feedback whine pierced the air and everyone reacted, some stiffening and the others covering their ears. Tony frowned and pulled out his transparent pad that controlled everything in the tower.

A voice that sent chills down (Y/N)’s spine came to their attention, as well as the clanking of metal. “Worrrrrrtttttthhhhyyyy.” A tattered, roughed-up-looking version of one of Tony’s suits lurched into the living room, leaking oil. It turned to face them. It flourished its hand, and when it spoke next, its voice was clearer, more masculine, and much more sinister. “No. How could you be worthy? You’re all killers.”

At that, (Y/N) stiffened as dread rooted deep down in her gut. Steve let go of her and stood, his stern eyes fixed on the robot. “Stark,” he challenged without looking at the billionaire.

“J.A.R.V.I.S.,” Tony called.

“I’m sorry, I was asleep.” The suit turned his head, the lights in his eyes flickering. “Or I was a dream.”

Tony tapped on the pad. “Reboot. We’ve got a buggy suit.”

The robot in front of them shielded his face. “There was this terrible noise, and I was tangled in… in…” he looked down at the wires and spare parts keeping the frame together. “...strings.”

(Y/N) and everyone else who had been sitting set down their drinks and stood, all of them tense. The suit flourished his hand again. “Had to kill the other guy… he was a good guy.”

“You killed someone?” Steve asked, serious and condescending.

Those words and his tone made (Y/N) feel a little sick, but she willed herself not to react and instead focused on the terrifying suit, which glanced at the floor. “Wasn’t my first call. But… in the real world, we’re faced with ugly choices.”

“Who sent you?” (Y/N) asked calmly.

The suit straightened up as the sound of a tape rewinding filled their ears. “I see a suit of armor around the world,” Tony’s voice came through.

Tony’s face paled. Bruce stared at him. “Ultron.”

(Y/N), Steve and Thor shot a bewildered look at Tony, while Natasha, Rhodey, and Clint all looked at Bruce for answers. Maria cocked her gun and Thor’s grip on his hammer tightened. (Y/N) clenched her fists and exchanged a look with Steve.

“In the flesh,” the suit answered. “Or, no, not yet. Not this… chrysalis. But I’m ready. I’m on a mission.”

Natasha tilted her head. “What mission?”

Ultron jutted his chin out, and if he had a real form, (Y/N) was sure he would be smiling. “Peace in our time.”

Three of Tony’s suits burst out of the wall, concrete and plaster raining down like hail. Almost everyone dove for cover. Steve flipped up the coffee table just in time for a suit to collide with it, sending both (Y/N) and Steve over the couch.

He immediately reached for her, his eyes wide. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” She scrambled to her feet at the same time he did. She ducked as one of the suits flew straight over her head and watched Thor smack it with his hammer.

She hurried over to the bar, where Natasha and Bruce were hunkered down, the assassin using her gun. Maria was also firing her gun, Clint was nowhere to be seen, and Rhodey tumbled through the glass window onto the landing below.

Grabbing a long skewer, she leaped onto the back of a suit that was towering over a terrified Dr. Cho. (Y/N) tried to impale the skewer in between the helmet and neck, hoping to dismantle some of the wires, but it threw her off and into the grand piano with a great crash. The impact barely hurt her, but it certainly knocked the air out of her lungs. She tumbled onto her back, winded, and her eyes widened in fear when the suit faced her.

Unbeknownst to her, Ultron cocked its head and turned his attention toward her. “Interesting.”

Natasha and Bruce hurried up the stairs, Clint barely missed a shot from a suit, Tony hopped onto the back of another one, and the suit looming over (Y/N) got distracted by Maria.

Her heart in her throat, (Y/N) watched as Steve got slammed against the wall on the second landing. He fell to the ground hard, groaning. Thinking quickly, she twisted her head and saw his shield. It was heavy as all hell for everyone else, but for her, it was nothing.

“STEVE!” She yelled, gripping onto the shield.

Steve bolted to his feet and at the same time, (Y/N) threw it to him like a frisbee. Thor dismantled one suit, Tony took down the other, but the third remained. With a spin, Steve threw his shield and it tore the suit in half.

It was over as fast as it had started. It was quiet for a second, the only sound being everyone’s panting. (Y/N) rubbed her neck and gripped onto the wall for support.

Ultron shook his head. “That was dramatic. I’m sorry, I know you mean well, you just didn’t think it through.”

Steve took a few angry steps forward and (Y/N) stiffened. Ultron continued. “You want to protect the world but you don’t want it to change. How is humanity saved if it’s not allowed to... evolve?” He bent and picked up the destroyed head of one of the suits. “With these? These puppets.” Ultron threw down the head and surveyed the room. “There’s only one path to peace. The Avengers’ extinction.”

Thor grunted and threw Mjölnir. The hammer smashed Ultron into pieces against the wall before flying back to Thor’s hand.

The lights in Ultron’s head sparked and flickered. In a sing-songy, raspy voice, the suit murmured, “I had strings, but now I’m free… there are no strings on me…” Then, it flickered and died.

Everyone remained frozen for a second as the tower’s lights flickered. Some went out. Steve rushed over to (Y/N), his intense fury softening as he looked at her. He reached to inspect her neck. “You okay?”

She nodded, though she was far from it. Ultron’s words about them being killers and his creepy disappearance… it unsettled her. She had a feeling they hadn’t heard the last of him.

She was right. Down in Tony’s lab, they realized Ultron had taken all of the Iron Man suits, Loki’s staff, important files, and hard drives. He was in the internet now and was most likely downloading everything he could about each and every one of them. The thought of that robot looking into her file made (Y/N) feel sick. Only Nick Fury had access to her file, but it was clear that Ultron could bypass that.

They also learned that Ultron could access anything he wanted, like nuclear codes. They all figured out that J.A.R.V.I.S. was the person Ultron killed. Tony revealed that he created Ultron because of a vision the female Maximoff gave him when they seized the scepter. He saw what he called “The Endgame,” and he didn’t believe the Avengers would be enough to save the world. Steve assured him that even if they lost the war, they would do it together.

That night, when all was quiet in the tower and everyone was asleep, (Y/N) began to toss and turn. She couldn’t get Ultron out of her head. The monstrosity followed her into the depths of her nightmares and made her feel trapped. Images of him infiltrating her file terrified her to no end.

She sat up and ran a hand through her hair. It was no use. She needed water, or milk. She climbed out of bed and padded to the elevator. It took her to the kitchen.

She was a few footsteps away from the fridge when she heard it. “(Y/N).”

Ultron. She spun around, her fists out, but there was nothing there. Shocked, she lowered her fists. But then, she heard it again, much more sinister. “(Y/N).”

“What do you want from me?” She tried her best to keep her tone harsh.

“Do they know?” Ultron’s voice was quiet and menacing.

(Y/N) stood at attention. “Do they know what?”

Ultron chuckled darkly. (Y/N)’s eyes darted every which way, but she couldn’t see him, only hear him. “What I read in that file of yours… how many years has it been since the “accident”? Or should we call it what it really is?”

She felt her blood go cold. He wasn’t talking about 2012. He was talking about when she was seventeen. Her breathing got more shallow.

Ultron continued. “I’ll ask again… do… they… know?”

“Please.” Her voice was nothing more than a whisper as her mouth dried up. Her hands began to shake.

“It’s the reason you’re not worthy to lift the God of Thunder’s mighty hammer.” The sarcasm in his voice made her heart beat faster. “You will never be worthy. How could you be? You’re a killer. Imagine how your closest friends would react. Just think of God’s righteous man seeing you for who you really are… ”

“No.” She covered her ears and squeezed her eyes shut. “No, no, no.”

His voice, his words… it didn’t stop. Monster… murderer…

The kitchen got darker and more confined, until (Y/N) felt like she was in a cage. The words got louder and louder until she screamed…

Drenched in sweat, (Y/N) jerked upright, panting. Her hands wildly felt around her. She was in bed. It had just been a dream.

But there was a truth to it that shook her to the core, a fear that she hoped and prayed would never come true.

A knock at her door nearly made her jump out of her skin. The intruder spoke up, their voice gentle. “(Y/N), it’s Nat. You okay?”

“Fine, Nat. Just a bad dream,” the girl lied. She fought to take deep breaths and slow her racing heart. “Sorry I woke you.”

She could tell Nat was hesitating so she forced more conviction into her voice. “Seriously, I’m okay. It’s not so bad tonight. Sorry again. Just… don’t mention it to anybody, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As the only girls in the Avengers, they shared this floor together. Unfortunately, nightmares were a common occurrence for (Y/N), and every time she accidentally woke up Natasha, guilt steadily consumed her. She never once let Natasha see her pain, her terror. No one could see. She was the “strong one”, the bold and cheeky (Y/N) that everyone knew and respected. Not the pathetic, shriveling mess that screamed herself awake in the middle of the night.

(Y/N) breathed a shaky sigh of relief when she heard Natasha’s footsteps recede. She was alone. Tears stung her eyes. Always alone.

She curled up in a ball and muffled her sobs, so as not to wake Natasha again.

***

It wasn’t long until they got a tip. Ultron had teamed up with Wanda Maximoff and her twin brother Pietro and were going to make a deal with an old weapons supplier of Tony’s. The rumor was that he had just come into a large stock of vibranium that Ultron wanted to get his hands on.

Pale yellow streams of light poked through the window when (Y/N) woke up. It was the morning of the raid. Silently, she climbed out of bed and suited up. She wore a dark blue leather coat that had leopard print on the inside-- courtesy of Stark. She also wore a blue leather top, black leather pants and boots, and her hair was done in a simple french braid down her back.

She crept into the kitchen and made a pot of coffee, like normal. On a regular day, she’d wake up before dawn and go for a run with Steve. Sometimes they raced each other, sometimes they just walked and talked. But last night, she’d barely gotten any sleep, and she had a feeling Steve would skip the run, too.

After she sat at the bar with her mug, Steve walked in, fiddling with one of his gloves. He was in full Captain gear, and the sight of him made (Y/N)’s heart flutter. He always looked handsome, but his uniform and cropped golden hair along with his gorgeous face and eyes always made heat rush to her cheeks. He was just as handsome as he was good and kind. She definitely didn’t deserve him.

Steve wordlessly made his own cup and sat next to her. His thumbs traced the sides of his mug. “You look tired.”

“Thanks,” (Y/N) muttered. She rubbed her temples. “Just didn’t sleep well.”

“You haven’t been sleeping well since Ultron attacked.” Steve peered at her with his signature mom expression. “You’ve been having nightmares again, haven’t you?”

(Y/N) stiffened and met his gaze. “Nat told you?”

Steve shook his head. “Last night I couldn’t sleep so I went for a run in the stairwell. When I reached your floor I heard screaming so I went to check on you, but Nat came out and stopped me. She told me you were okay and to just leave it.”

(Y/N) was quiet for a second. She felt a little guilty for thinking Nat would betray her. Steve covered her hand with his. “You know you can talk to me, right? I may not have gone through what you and Clint did during 2012, but I’ve seen my fair share of horrors.”

“You haven’t done what I’ve done, Steve,” she whispered, her voice hoarse.

Before she joined the Avengers, (Y/N) worked closely with Clint and Natasha at S.H.I.E.L.D. She was the only enhanced agent, and everyone fought to keep that a secret. Then, Loki arrived. He turned his scepter on her and Clint, forcing them under the control of the mind stone. It was then that Loki came to notice (Y/N)’s strength and agility. He used her as his prized second in command and ruthless assassin. A lot of the human lives lost in Stuttgart, on the S.H.I.E.L.D. Quinjet, and during the Battle of New York were because of her.

Steve sighed. “(Y/N), what’s it gonna take for you to forgive yourself? You were under mind control.”

She shook her head. “So was Loki, but everyone blames him.” She interlaced her fingers with his. “Controlled or not, I have the blood of innocents on my hands.”

For a moment, she imagined what it would be like to tell him about the accident, to share the overwhelming amount of guilt of murdering innocent people in 2012. Would he still be here, holding her hand? Or would he hate her as much as she hated herself? No. She couldn’t tell him. Not till she was ready.

Steve said nothing, just kept holding her hand. He changed the subject, much to her relief. “Are your nightmares about Ultron?”

“Sometimes.” (Y/N) took a sip of her coffee. “I don’t wanna face that Maximoff girl. You heard what she did to Tony.” The thought of someone infiltrating her mind again made her want to throw up.

“I won’t let her near you,” Steve said firmly. He gently placed his index finger under her chin and turned her face toward his. “Do you hear me? I’ll keep you safe, sweetheart.”

She smiled softly, transfixed by his baby blue eyes. His gaze flicked to her lips, and for a split second, he leaned forward—

“Lady (Y/N), are there any Strawberry Pop-Tarts left in the cabinet?” Thor called, trudging into the kitchen in full Asgardian armor.

Looking away from Steve, (Y/N) couldn’t ignore the disappointment washing over her. “Should still be a box on the top shelf, Thunder.” She let go of Steve’s hand, but she didn’t see that he looked crestfallen at the missed opportunity, too.

An hour later, they were all assembled on the Quinjet and headed toward the African coast. Everyone was pretty solemn during the trek, the silence only being broken by Thor’s ramblings and Tony’s jokes. But even the God of Thunder and the sass master himself were more grim than normal.

As they snuck into the salvage yard and the hatch of the Quinjet opened, (Y/N) exchanged a look with Steve. He reached for her hand, squeezed it once, and let go. She didn’t need to hear him speak to know he was telling her he’s got her back.

They ran into the building, finding the discarded bodies of workers all along the floor. Tony in his Iron Man suit led the way, followed by (Y/N), Steve, Thor, Clint, and Natasha. Bruce hung back on the Quinjet-- they didn’t need The Big Guy just yet.

They all split up inside the salvage yard just as Ultron yelled, “Don’t compare me with Stark, he’s a sickness!” He had forged a new suit for himself. The robot was now about seven feet tall with red eyes and a shiny metal body. His back was turned to them.

“Aww, Junior,” Tony called, his voice filtered through the Iron Man helmet. “You’re gonna break your old man’s heart.” He landed down with a clunk on the metal bridge, facing his creation. Thor and Steve were behind him. Natasha and Clint were sneaking in from the sides, and (Y/N) was coming in from the back. Their goal was to box the enemy in.

Ultron turned to face them, flanked by Wanda and Pietro. (Y/N) allowed herself a brief moment of wariness before putting her game face on. She was armed with batons about the length of her arm, coincidentally made of vibranium.

“If I have to,” Ultron drawled, his voice powerful and menacing.

“No one has to break anything,” Thor warned.

Ultron and the Maximoffs approached until they were a few feet away from the three Avengers. “Clearly, you’ve never made an omelet.”

Tony tilted his head. “He beat me by one second.”

(Y/N) shook her head at his almost proud comment. She delicately ducked behind the door behind the Maximoffs and Ultron, peering out at them.

“Ah, so this is funny… Mr. Stark,” Pietro remarked, his Sokovian accent thick. “It’s, what… comfortable?” He glanced down at the missiles and other weapons. “Like old times?”

“This was never my life.” Tony sounded much more serious now.

Steve took a step forward, his eyes on the twins. “You two can still walk away from this.”

Wanda cocked her head. “Oh, we will.”

Steve didn’t back down. “I know you’ve suffered.” They’d heard about the twins losing their parents and nearly dying themselves in the process.

“Ah… Captain America.” Ultron gazed at Steve condescendingly. “God’s righteous man.”

At that, (Y/N) flinched. Ultron had called him that in her nightmare. However, when she saw Steve’s familiar haunted look appear, her fear turned into anger. She withdrew one of her staffs from its sheath.

“Pretending you could live without a war,” Ultron continued. “I can’t physically throw up in my mouth, but-”

“If you believe in peace, then let us keep it,” Thor cut him off.

Ultron took a step closer. “I think you’re confusing peace with quiet.”

Tony was over it. “Yuh-huh. What’s the vibranium for?”

“I’m glad you asked that because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan,” Ultron drawled.

Suddenly, he pulled his metal fist back and the energy sucked Tony forward. Ultron blasted him back against the wall and everyone sprung into action.

Tony and Ultron went head to head as suits-- clearly designed by Ultron-- came pouring out of a doorway. Pietro was a blur as he went around, trying to attack the Avengers. His sister was more successful and managed to blast Steve back.

(Y/N) launched out from the doorway and used her strength and one of her batons to knock the head of a suit clean off its body. She leaped over the railing and landed on the bottom floor. A small grin worked its way onto her face as two suits came down to meet her, tall and strong.

She swept the legs out from under one and started to attack the other, but it dodged her heavy blow. She was grabbed by it but twisted her body, ran along the side of a crate, and flipped up and over the suit, tearing its head off.

Meanwhile, Natasha and Clint took down a lot of the weapons dealer’s crew, who were shooting at both the suits and the Avengers. Steve forced Pietro to the ground a little ways away from (Y/N). His eyes flicked over to her, watching her battle Ultron’s minions. He’d been keeping his eye on her, and he was relieved and proud that she was holding her own. He smiled and went back to fighting.

Then Wanda struck.

It was Thor who went down first. A quick tendril of magic infiltrated his mind and turned his eyes red.

“Thor! Status!” Steve barked.

Nothing. He saw Thor falter and freeze in place on the second level as if he was frozen in time.

Immediately, he knew it was Wanda. He spun around, eyes wide and filled with worry. Before he could warn his girl, he was knocked backward by Pietro and witnessed his worst fear with a flick of Wanda’s wrist.

(Y/N) had no idea what was happening. She was easily taking down suit after suit, barely breaking a sweat. She heard static crackling in her earpiece but figured that was just a result of everyone’s efforts.

She was about to deliver a fatal blow to the largest of Ultron’s creations when it spoke. “Were you this talented of a fighter at seventeen, Agent (L/N)?”

(Y/N) froze in her tracks, her baton raised over her head. The suit climbed back onto its feet, its eerie eyes peering straight at her. When it spoke again, its voice bore a significant resemblance to that of Ultron’s. She felt like he was directly talking to her.

“That was your first kill.” It wasn’t a question… the suit knew. Ultron had examined her file.

(Y/N) swung at the suit, but her nerves made her sloppy. The suit grabbed her baton, locking her in place. “Did you enjoy your first kill as much as you enjoyed taking the lives you took in the Battle of New York?”

With a shriek, (Y/N) twisted her wrist and tore the baton free. She attacked the suit with both batons, her viciousness masking her vulnerable state of mind. When she’d backed the suit into a corner, she finally let up on her onslaught, panting. “I didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t enjoy it then, and I didn’t enjoy it in 2012. I’m not a killer. I was under mind control.”

“Not the first time. You became a murderer of your own accord.” The suit stood again, looming over her.

“Stop it.” (Y/N) shook her head violently.

The suit took a step forward. “How did it feel, watching his life slip away? How did it feel, realizing that you took a life and it was all for nothing?”

(Y/N)’s hands tightened around her batons, trembling. “Stop it.”

The suit was relentless. “How did it feel to be completely and utterly alone?”

“I SAID STOP!” (Y/N) screamed and lunged, but she never reached the suit. A flash of red was all she saw and then the room shifted.

She stumbled and dropped her batons, trying to grasp onto a crate, but she grasped onto a railing instead. It didn’t feel metallic; it was sleek and smooth. She turned her head and realized she was gripping a wooden railing.

She looked up, expecting to see the metal landing and the rest of her friends in the midst of battle. Instead, she saw a carpeted staircase with walls on either side.

Instantly, she felt cold, like someone dumped a bucket of ice water on her head. She was back home, back in the memory that haunted her sleep without relief.

She could hear the thumps from where she stood, tears already springing to her eyes. “No. No,” she choked out and sprinted up the stairs.

Even though she already knew what she would find at the top of the stairs, she still screamed. There was her dad, hovering over her baby brother, beating him bloody. It was obvious that Bobby was having trouble breathing. He was practically lying in a pool of blood.

Dad hated both (Y/N) and Bobby, but once (Y/N) got her powers, he couldn’t take out his aggression on her like when her mom was alive. Instead, he turned his attention to Bobby.

“Stop, you’re gonna kill him!” (Y/N) screamed, echoing the words she spoke when she was seventeen.

“Stay out of this, freak!” Dad roared, giving her a snarl that looked like a dog baring its teeth.

As if on autopilot, (Y/N) gripped onto his shoulders and ripped him away from Bobby. Unlike how it happened all those years ago, she was forced to watch his stumble in slow motion. She stood with her jaw dropped as he tumbled down the stairs and straight into the wall, his head colliding with the plaster so hard that a loud crack split the air. Blood seeped out of the wound, and he lay perfectly still. He was dead.

(Y/N) stared at her hands in revulsion. But tears began to fall when she realized what would happen next.

She whirled around and knelt next to her baby brother, whose chest was heaving and shuddering. This. This was what she saw almost every night, the image that never seemed to escape her. “Hey, hey, Bobby, please. Please. Stay alive. Please, don’t go. Don’t leave me alone!”

Bobby’s innocent eyes met hers briefly before closing. His chest rose once more, but it did not fall. He, too, was still.

“NO!” (Y/N) screamed, scrabbling at his body.

Bobby’s body disappeared in a cloud of smoke, and (Y/N) covered her face with her hands as she cried. She was too late to save him. She tried, but in doing so she killed her dad. He was a menace, but she’d never wanted to hurt him. She never wanted to hurt anybody.

But the nightmare was far from over.

“(Y/N)?” A familiar voice spoke. However, instead of the normal softness and affection in his voice, this time his tone was laced with disapproval and disgust.

(Y/N) leaped to her feet and turned around, wiping her eyes. Steve stood there, his helmet off. Behind him was Tony, Natasha, Clint, Thor, and Bruce. They all looked horrified and furious.

“You just killed your dad,” Bruce said in a hushed voice.

(Y/N)’s hands began to shake. “I didn’t mean to. It was an accident. I-I just-”

“No, no, no, you don’t get to justify what we just saw,” Tony snapped, holding up his finger.

Tears burned (Y/N)’s eyes. “I was a kid. My powers weren’t under control yet! You have to believe me!”

Natasha and Clint looked disappointed. The former Red Room assassin shook her head in disbelief. “I was trained to become a killer. You became one on your own.”

“I didn’t mean to kill him.” (Y/N) couldn’t stop the stream of tears as they steadily dripped down her cheeks. “I was just trying to save my brother.”

“And how’d that work out for you?” Clint scoffed. “How many more dads did you kill in 2012? No wonder Loki chose you-- you’re wicked, just like him.”

(Y/N) couldn’t breathe. She clutched her ribs, desperately forcing air into her lungs. “It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my fault. Guys, please.” She looked at the people she saw as her siblings. “Clint? Nat?” They’d said they understood about 2012… but they were looking at her with pure venom.

One by one, her team turned their backs to her and walked away, disappearing into vapor. The only one who remained was Steve, whose head was lowered.

“Stevie?” (Y/N) tentatively approached him, reaching for his hand.

He ripped it away like she’d burned him and she recoiled. Steve fixed her with a cruel glare. “Now I know why you refused to pick up Thor’s hammer. You’re not worthy, and this is why.”

(Y/N) felt her heart shatter into a million tiny pieces. “Steve-”

“I thought the world of you. I wanted the best for you. I wanted a future with you.” Steve’s voice was low and dark. “Now… I don’t want anything to do with you.”

A sob escaped her lips before she could stop it and she fell to her knees. “Stevie, please!” She grabbed his hand and he pulled it away, walking away from her.

“Stevie, please, come back!” (Y/N) begged and pleaded, but she received no response.

Convulsing with sobs, she curled up on the floor, crying her heart out. Her worst fears had just been realized. The Avengers hated her as much as she hated herself for what she did, and Steve, her Captain… he hated her, too.

“It wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t my fault,” she whispered brokenly, wishing she could turn back time and reverse everything. “It wasn’t my fault.”

And that’s how Steve, the real Steve, found her.

When his vision cleared, he hauled himself up. Clint gave him the status report that he took Wanda out of the running, at least temporarily, and the archer went to look for Natasha.

Steve’s mouth went dry. Where was his girl? He reached for his earpiece, ready to command her to tell him where she was, when he heard it. The sobs.

He ran faster than he ever had in his life. It took him only a second to find her, curled up on the floor and crying.

He fell to his knees beside her, tearing off his helmet and setting down his shield. “(Y/N)... hey, hey, hey.” His hands fidgeted, longing to touch her but afraid of how she’d react. “Sweetheart, look at me. Open your eyes and look at me.”

(Y/N) obeyed him, but her mind was still trapped in another world. Her eyes darted lazily around, the flow of tears never ending. She met his gaze and he flinched when he saw the raw brokenness in their depths. “It wasn’t my fault... it wasn’t my fault.”

Steve frowned and this time, he touched her. He ran his fingers through her hair, which had fallen out of its neat french braid. “What’s not your fault, sweetheart?”

“Please, you have to believe me,” she cried. “It wasn’t my fault, Stevie. You have to believe me. You have to believe me.”

“Hey, hey, shh. It’s okay. I believe you.” Steve’s tone was soft and gentle as he cooed to her, trying to calm her down. Frankly, he was freaked out, too, by her state and what he saw in his own vision. And he was angry. He’d been complacent. He promised her he would keep her safe, that he wouldn’t let Wanda infiltrate her mind. But he was careless, and now his girl was a wreck.

(Y/N) locked eyes with Steve, a bit of hope returning to her (e/c) depths. “It wasn’t my fault.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Steve confirmed, forcing a smile.

Clint’s voice comes in on the earpiece. “All the tin men are down, but the Maximoffs are gone. So is Ultron. Tony said the Big Guy escaped and he’s fetching him. I think we need to head back to the jet. Tasha’s in bad shape.”

Steve pressed his own earpiece, looking down at the sweet girl who was crying silently next to him. “So is (Y/N). We’ll meet you at the jet.”

He placed his shield on his back and gathered (Y/N)’s weapons, placing them in his belt loops. He gently worked his arm into the crook of her knees and wrapped his other arm around her back. He stood, cradling her in his arms. “C’mon, sweetheart. Let’s get outta here.”

She curled into him, and even though her tears had stopped flowing, she was still looking around blankly, like her mind was still adrift.

He carried her out of the warehouse, through the salvage yard, and onto the Quinjet. Natasha was slumped in a corner, pale and trembling. Thor looked tense and bewildered. Clint was unaffected vision-wise, but he was pacing the floor of the jet and scratching his head.

When Steve entered the jet, Clint turned and stiffened. “Oh, shit.”

Steve ignored his comment, clueing the archer into how worried Steve was. He followed closely as Steve sat down on one of the seats, arranging (Y/N) so she lay comfortably across the seats with her head in his lap.

“What did she see?” Clint asked quietly.

Steve shook his head, his eyes trained on (Y/N)’s face. His fingers gently combed through her hair, and his other hand traced light designs on her hand. “I don’t know. She wasn’t making much sense. She kept saying something wasn’t her fault. I’ve never seen her like this.”

Clint’s gaze was soft as he looked at her. “I was with her when Loki’s spell lifted. She barely spoke after.” He glanced at Steve. “Actually, it was you who got through to her. You got her to talk again. What Loki’s magic made her do… it damaged her. Being mind-controlled once is no joke, but twice?” He sighed. “Poor kid.” He stood and walked over to the pilot’s seat.

Steve’s heart was heavy, but at the same time filled with warmth. Had he really been the one to help (Y/N) come back to herself after 2012? As he gazed down at her, he decided it would be his job to bring her back this time, too.

So he kept stroking her hair, whispering to her. “(Y/N). Come back to me, sweetheart. It’s me, Stevie. If anyone can fight back against the power of that vision, it’s you. You’re strong, so strong. Stronger than all of us. I’m here. Your family’s all here. Just come back. I’ve got you, and I’m never letting you go. I promise. You’re safe with me.”

Though (Y/N) didn’t respond, her eyes flicked to meet his gaze and he could’ve sworn he saw a sparkle of recognition return to her eyes. Encouraged, Steve kept talking.

He lost himself in his quiet affirmations and gentle words to her, so much so that he didn’t notice Thor, Clint, and even Natasha watching. Thor and Clint smiled slightly, and Natasha, as shaken as she was, felt emotional watching the tender display. It was really obvious to everyone except Steve and (Y/N) that they had fallen for each other.

The three of them were so moved that when Tony and Bruce returned, Clint went out to meet them and warned them to keep their voices down and not make any comments-- with that bit being directed at Tony-- about what they were about to see.

All Tony said when they walked onto the jet and saw Steve with (Y/N) cradled on his lap was a grumbled, “Finally.”

***

They decided that it was too dangerous to return to the Tower. Ultron was everywhere, and after the whole Hulk incident they needed to lie low. Clint guided the jet toward a location he refused to tell the others about, and spoke quietly with Tony. They were the only two who hadn’t been hit with a vision at the salvage yard.

Thor was acting a little gruffer than normal, Natasha was quiet, and Bruce was weary, but the one they were really worried about was (Y/N). For the entirety of the Quinjet ride, her head rested on Steve’s thigh as she slowly came back to reality. It was Steve’s gentle touches and grounding words that eventually brought her back. But even then, she was uncharacteristically quiet and withdrawn.

“We’re almost there, sweetheart,” Steve whispered. “Just keep your eyes on me. Don’t slip back into your head.”

She nodded once, her face lined with sadness and a hint of fear. It made Steve’s heart ache. He kept his blue eyes locked with her (e/c) ones. “Do you remember Clint and Natasha? They’re like your brother and sister. We’re your family. You’re safe with us.”

He kept having to repeat these statements in order to keep her present. He did so without complaint and with a heart full of affection and concern for his girl.

At the mention of Clint and Natasha, the fear grew on her face and Steve moved his hand from her hair to her face. He gently tucked a strand of her hair behind her ears. “We’re not gonna hurt you. We all love you. I-” He swallowed. “… care about you so much, (Y/N). You’re safe with us, okay?”

“Okay, Stevie.” Her voice was small and quiet, reminding Steve of his mom after getting her ass handed to her by his dad. He hated it, and wanted nothing more for (Y/N)’s smile to return. So, he kept forcing a smile for her sake and continued anchoring her with his words and touches.

After a few hours, Clint landed the jet next to a farmhouse. Steve stood and held out his hands to (Y/N). “Can you stand for me, pretty girl?”

She nodded shakily and stood, taking his hands. He wrapped his arm around her protectively. The other Avengers watched with a mixture of worry and awe on their faces.

He and (Y/N) trailed behind as Clint helped Natasha walk and led Bruce, Tony, and Thor inside the house. When Clint’s pregnant wife appeared, who the Avengers had no idea about (except for Natasha), they all were stunned. Laura and Natasha caught up and Clint introduced them all to his kids and explained why he kept their location a secret.

(Y/N) tried to smile and hesitantly shook Laura’s hand. The yelling of the kids and the chatter of the others made her tense up. Steve rubbed her arms and made eye-contact with Clint.

Having seen (Y/N) go through something like this once before, Clint strode over to them and kept his voice low. “Tasha’s gonna sleep with Laura. Me, Tony, Thor, and Bruce will sleep in the living room. You two can take the guest room.”

(Y/N) was too in her head to fully process what he said, but Steve’s eyes widened. He opened his mouth to question why he and (Y/N) should share a room and protest that it wasn’t appropriate, but Clint rolled his eyes. “Just take the damn room. Go. You’ll thank me later.”

Wordlessly, Steve took (Y/N)’s hand and-- after hearing Clint’s directions-- guided her upstairs. He entered a small but quaint room and shut the door. (Y/N) silently sat on the bed, her eyes on her hands.

Steve exhaled deeply. He walked to her and crouched in front of her, taking her hands in his. She met his gaze, her expression clouded. Steve squeezed her hands lightly. “Talk to me, sweetheart. What did you see? I want to help you.”

“You won’t once I tell you,” she whispered, tears pricking her eyes.

Steve’s tone was gentle but firm. “Try me.”

(Y/N) took a shaky breath. “Did… did I ever tell you how young I was when I joined S.H.I.E.L.D.?”

Steve frowned, concentrating. “You said you were seventeen. You were one of their youngest recruits.”

(Y/N)’s hands fidgeted in his grip. “Did I say why I joined?”

“You said you didn’t want to go to college, that you wanted to work there to honor your mother.” Steve sounded puzzled.

She chewed on the inside of her cheek. “That-that was-um… it wasn’t the whole truth.”

Steve looked at her encouragingly, and that just made it harder for (Y/N). She swallowed. “After I-uh… after I got my powers and my mom died, my dad… he became more violent. He was violent before, but losing Mom just… it just made him snap. He knew he couldn’t hurt me anymore, so he started taking it out on my baby brother. He was only twelve.”

“Go on.” Steve’s eyes were narrowed, but he made an effort to keep his voice soft.

The stinging tears made it difficult for her to see. “One-one day I heard my dad beating my brother, and when I found them, my brother was barely breathing. I yelled at my dad to stop, but he wouldn’t listen.” Tears trickled down her cheeks, one by one, and Steve let go of one of her hands to brush them away. “I eventually grabbed his shirt and shoved him away, but… but I-I shoved him toward the stairs.”

Steve closed his eyes and (Y/N) shook her head. “I couldn’t revive him. The fall killed him. I killed him.”

Steve’s eyes opened and he stared at her. “(Y/N), that was an accident. You didn’t kill him.”

“Stevie, I was too strong for him,” (Y/N) cried. “I should’ve-”

“Stop, stop, stop.” Steve cupped her face. “Sweetheart, you were a kid. Your powers weren’t under control yet. You didn’t mean to hurt your dad; you were just trying to save your brother.” And that monster doesn’t deserve your guilt and shame, he added silently.

(Y/N) sobbed once and Steve moved to sit next to her, pulling her onto his lap and encasing her in his arms. She cried into his shirt, staining it with her tears.

They sat like that for a minute, and he quietly shushed her and whispered words of reassurance. Once her sobs had died down, she pulled back a bit to look at him. “You… you believe me?”

“Of course I do.” His tone was matter-of-fact. Steve cupped her face again. “What happened to your brother?”

(Y/N) shuddered. “He broke a rib and it punctured his lung. I tried to give him CPR… but he was already gone. He’d lost too much blood.” The streams of tears continued to pour down her cheeks. “He was twelve, Stevie.”

Steve’s soul hurt for her, for that little boy he’d never gotten the chance to meet. He gently wiped her tears with his thumbs and kissed her forehead before pressing against it with his own. “I’m so sorry.”

(Y/N)’s small hands grasped onto his wrists as if they were her lifeline. “After that, I found Fury. He’s the only one who knows the whole story… other than you.” Her tone wobbled. “I asked him to lock me up. He gave me a job instead. He took a chance on me.”

Steve pulled her to him and his nose brushed her ear as (Y/N) continued to shake. “I’d managed to redeem myself in my mind. But then 2012 happened. When I realized what I’d done, what I’d been made to do… I was back in that house, with blood on my hands.” She gave a broken laugh. “It’s ironic, really. The girl with super-human strength and agility is weak in the head. She breaks everything she touches. She makes a fucking mess wherever she goes.”

“Stop, stop,” Steve pleaded, pulling back. “You’re strong, (Y/N). So strong. You’re stronger than me, that’s for damn sure, both mentally and in your heart. You don’t break everything you touch; you bring light to the darkest places. You gave a lost super-soldier a reason to smile again, inspired him to be the best hero he could be, which would never be half as good as you. When you make a mess, you own up to it. But you’ve never once willingly put someone in harm’s way. You’ve never once willingly allowed an innocent person to suffer. You love everyone around you with your whole heart.” Steve’s own eyes were brimming with tears now. “Everyone but yourself.”

(Y/N) stared at him. Steve took her hands in his and pressed kiss after kiss to her hands. “You’re a good person. It hurts me to hear you talk like you’re not.” He made eye-contact with her. “I have a feeling I know what you saw in that vision. You saw your dad and brother dying, right?”

“That’s… that’s not all.” Dare she speak the cursed words aloud? If she did… would that make it real? She covered her mouth briefly, looking anywhere but Steve. “You and the others hated me for what I did. You looked at me with pure disappointment. You-you told me… you told me that-that you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

If it was even possible, Steve’s heart broke even further. “Oh, sweetheart.” He lifted her chin with his index finger, gently forcing her to look at him. A tear rolled down his cheek. “I could never hate you for what happened. Neither could the others. I’m sure if they found out, they’d all feel nothing but compassion for you. What happened? It wasn’t your fault. We’d never blame you. We all love you.” He moved his hand up to run the backs of his fingers against her cheekbone. She unconsciously leaned into his touch. Steve’s tone held sincerity when he said, “I love you.”

(Y/N)’s breath got caught in her throat. The flow of tears slowed, and Steve noticed. A small, watery smile tugged at his lips. “I love you, sweetheart. Have for a while now.” He shook his head. “And you don’t have to say it back—”

(Y/N) cut him off with a gentle whisper. “But I want to.” She wiped her cheeks and moved to cup his handsome face in her little hands. “I love you, Stevie.”

Steve gazed at her with softness and adoration. He leaned forward and kissed her chastely. The kiss was delicate, but for both of them it felt as if sparks were flying. When he pulled away, (Y/N) pouted and Steve laughed. He rubbed his nose against hers. “Trust me, sweetheart, when you’re feeling better, I’ll give you all the kisses you want. But I don’t wanna take advantage.”

(Y/N)’s heart fluttered. Whether it was because he was from the 40s, or because he was just a true gentleman, he was the most considerate man she’d ever met.

She scrubbed her face, stifling a yawn as she did so. Steve noticed. “I think someone’s tired. Lie down.”

She could hear a tiny bit of his Captain voice as he spoke, and that made her smile. She was exhausted, it was true. Barely sleeping for the past couple weeks on top of the emotional baggage of today was more than draining.

She climbed under the covers of the queen-sized bed, and before she could ask Steve to stay, he shuffled over to her. “Scoot over, big guy coming through.”

(Y/N) laughed softly and did as he asked. Pretty soon, her back was against his chest and his big arms were encircled around her. He sighed, content.

She felt herself falling asleep already, but curiosity nagged at her. “What did you see in your vision?”

Steve sighed again, but this time, she could practically hear the resignation in it. “I saw myself going back to the 40s and dancing with Peggy.”

A bolt of jealousy and unease struck her. “Why did Wanda show you that?”

Steve buried his face in her hair, lightly brushing his lips against her ear and making her shiver. “Because she wanted to show us all our biggest fear.”

The unease faded to confusion. “Why was dancing with Peggy your biggest fear?”

“Because she wasn’t you,” Steve said simply. She felt his embrace get a little tighter. “I still care deeply for Peggy, and I try to visit her as much as I can, but I stopped dreaming about a life where I had been with her once I realized my dreams were now about you. I stopped loving her the minute I fell in love with you. Dancing with her… it was a picture of the life I don’t want anymore. It was empty and lifeless because you were gone. You’re my best girl.”

Tears sprung to (Y/N)’s eyes once more. He seemed to sense this and moved his lips from her ear to her temple. He kissed her hair and brushed his nose along her cheekbone. “Let’s go to sleep.”

(Y/N) nodded, and when she spoke she was half teasing, half serious. “Dream of me?”

Steve chuckled. “Always, pretty girl.”

They fell asleep minutes later, the super-soldier holding his girl securely to his chest. They didn’t hear the door open a crack, nor did they see Natasha peek her head in.

She smiled softly when she saw them and shut the door. She turned to face Tony, Clint, Thor, and Bruce, who all eagerly awaited the report.

“They fell asleep cuddling in the bed.” Natasha grinned at Clint. “They finally exchanged their “I love you”s.

Clint had a huge smile on his face, and he turned to Tony and held out his hand. Tony grumbled and handed him a twenty-dollar bill. “You rigged it by giving them the same room.”

“Hey, I did that so he could comfort her in private.” Clint smirked and pocketed the money. “Them finally admitting their feelings was just an added bonus.”

Bruce glanced at Tony. “So if Clint betted they’d admit their feelings, what did you bet?”

“That the Leopard and Capsicle would break the bed,” Tony muttered nonchalantly.

Natasha thumped him and Bruce facepalmed himself. Thor beamed. “No, no. The Captain is far too chivalrous for that. The courting ritual back in Asgard--”

“We can hear you guys,” Steve called, his tone a mixture of tiredness and amusement.

Natasha grabbed the boys and shoved them away from the door. She apologized to Steve and (Y/N) and walked away, muttering, “I swear, men are idiots.”

***

Thanks for reading!!!

[cinnudelx]

can you make a fluff/maybe angst fic of reader breaking her arm and Steve being attentive and caring for her? totally ok if you don’t want to or busy hehe

hey, you! thank you so much for requesting! i love this idea 🫶🏼☺️

On Your Left 🎀

pairing: steve rogers x avenger!reader

summary: during a mission you get injured, steve drops everything to run to find you. once he found out about your injury’s he took you right back to the tower, mid mission, to get you fixed up.

warnings: fluff? angst? a mixture of both? flangst? mentions of bruises, blood, broken arm, etc. protective bsf!steve.

a.n: hey hotties! 🩷🩷 follow my new ig if you want!! and tysm for all the love on my posts, it means so much 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 im finally flying back home soon, uni starts next week UGHH

steve’s ears perked up mid-fight with loki the second he heard the sound of your loud groan from a couple miles away as you and the other avengers were fighting off loki’s goons. worry coursed through his veins, causing him to get distracted and lose his footing. as soon as he fell to the ground with a grunt, loki grinned, grabbing the tesseract and teleporting away.

steve cursed under his breath, forgetting about the tesseract and running as fast as he could to get to you as soon as possible.

“y/n! where are you?” he called into the comms while trying to locate you from where he remembered your sound came from.

“on your left.” you groaned, limping towards him.

his head whipped to your direction and he wasted no time heading to you. his eyes scanned your body. you were bruised and bloodied, but you did what you could to take down most of loki’s goons, which steve was very proud of you for.

“y-you—“ steve stuttered, unable to begin as he took in your battered appearance but then noticed how you had to carry your left arm, wincing hard.

“i’m okay,” you reassured him with a weak voice, “legs a little hurt, left arm totaled but other than that, i’m good.”

he furrowed his brows, shaking his head, “cmon, let’s get you back—“

“—but the tesseract—“

“—that doesn’t matter right now. you need to get back to the quinjet. the others will take care of loki.” he cut you off, slinging your right arm over his shoulder and helping you to the jet.

about 5 minutes later, steve had you seated at the back of the quinjet, making sure your okay before putting the jet on autopilot. he sat beside you, sighing. whenever he saw you hurt, it mentally hurt him too. he hated it. he would do anything to transfer that pain to himself.

“lemme see that arm..” steve demanded in a soft tone, turning his body to face you.

you nodded, wincing as you carefully took off your jacket, revealing your broken and bruised arm with a hiss. steve’s brows knitted together, his gaze softening as his heart shattered.

he ripped off the fabric of his sleeve, folding it up into an arm sling before wrapping it around your arm and tying it behind your neck. “this should keep your arm from moving too much until we get back to the compound.” he murmured before looking into your eyes, searching for any discomfort.

you smiled softly, leaning in to press a friendly (or was it) kiss to his cheek, your lips lingering on his skin for a second. “thanks, steve.”

he cleared his throat, nodding with a gentle smile of his own, his own thoughts screaming in his head after your kiss.

a while later, you found yourself finally at the compound while steve helped you in, dr. cho immediately coming out to aid you too.

you winced with each step and steve never failed to notice, grabbing you by your side even more and trying to keep you from putting to much weight on your injured leg.

dr. cho took you into his office for examination, holding the door open for you. as you entered, you took one more look back at steve, smiling softly and mouthing the words, “thank you.”

steve gave you a nod, returning your smile before watching the door close in front of him.

later…

you were in your room, sitting by the edge of your bed cross legged as guilt ate at you from the inside. thoughts about how you left the rest of the team because of a mere injury—which definitely wasn’t minor in any way—and more thoughts about the fact that if it wasn’t for you, steve would’ve had that tesseract by now.

as the thoughts consumed you, you didn’t even notice that steve was leaning against your doorframe, arms folded against his broad chest with a soft but yet concerned look on his face, already out of his suit and clad in a white vest and straight-legged beige pants.

“you doin’ alright?” he asked in a gentle tone, his eyes taking in your slumped form as you remained cross legged on the edge of your bed.

you sighed, nodding. “yeah, thanks steve…”

he nodded slightly, staying silent for a few moments, “mind if i come in?”

“sure.” you scooted over, allowing him to sit next to you.

steve nodded again, taking a couple steps towards you and settling next to you with a sigh, looking over at your arm which was now in a cast.

“stop blaming yourself.” he muttered, already reading your expression with ease.

you looked at him, surprised that he knew what you were thinking before looking back down at your lap. sometimes it was actually scary how easily he read people. “i can’t. if it wasn’t for me, you would’ve have the tesseract by now.”

“i told you it doesn’t matter. the others are finding it now. all that matters right now is that you’re okay. and you’re safe.”

you didn’t respond, your eyes still glued to your lap.

“y/n. look at me.”

you hesitantly looked at him, his eyes searching yours. “i wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself if i had ignored you and continued with the mission. we’re a team, remember?” he spoke in such a soft tone that you could’ve sworn your eyes started prickling with tears for a moment.

you nodded, looking back down at your lap.

“say something, y/n…”

with a deep breath and sigh, you spoke. “yeah… i know. we’re a team.” you ran your right hand through your hair, “i just… want to say thank you. thanks for… taking care of me.”

he shook his head with a smile, “don’t worry about it. i just want you to be okay.”

you returned his smile a little weakly before he wrapped a hand around your shoulders, pulling you close to his side. you closed your eyes, resting your head on his shoulder.

“how about we get some chinese, hm?” he asked and you could hear that smile on his face. chinese was your favourite and he knew it was your weakness, you could never say no.

you mumbled an ‘okay’ but he shook his head with a grin, teasing you further, “i can’t hear you. what was that?”

you whined, your voice a little louder yet still just above a whisper, “m’kay…”

“nuh uh… still don’t understand.”

“okay!” you chuckled, nudging him playfully but obviously he’s built like a greek god so he did not budge.

he grinned widely, “there’s that smile. nice to see you again, y/n.”

you rolled your eyes, your smile widening. “i’m paying since this whole thing was my fault anyway—“

“y/n, if you say this was your fault one more time, i’m telling tony about that one time where you snuck into his office for his bottle of gin because your stash ran out.”

you gasped, “you wouldn’t.”

“oh i would. now get our ass up, we’re getting some food.”

[lostgirlmuseum]

Pulse 💗

Summary: Bucky can hear your heartbeat through the wall, and he can tell everything isn’t alright.

Pairing: Bucky x gn!Reader

Words: 600 (exactly 600, holy moly)

Warnings: None really, just mentions of anxiety and adhd. Wrote this within an hour, sorry if its bad

A/N: Self indulgent fic alert! This goes out to all my peeps who struggle with ADHD/anxiety. It sucks, but hang in there!

Divider credit: @saradika

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Come in,” you called, not looking up from the papers on your desk.

A brief second passed, and the door creaked open. A cautious Bucky peeked his head in.

“Hey, are you okay?” He asked.

You suddenly became aware of your leg bouncing 70 miles an hour, and forced yourself to stop. 

“Yes, why?” You replied, ignoring the urge to get up and walk around.

“Well, I—” he hesitated, and brought his hand to rub the back of his neck, “I was passing by and I heard your heartbeat going really fast—super hearing and all that,” he awkwardly chuckled.

“120,” you stated, glancing at your watch.

“What?”

“My heart rate is 120 right now.”

“That’s pretty high for just sitting,” he responded, having a hard time hiding his concern.

“Well, y’know, anxiety,” you breathily laughed, but it wasn’t that funny.

“What are you anxious about? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Nothing.” You sighed, lowering your pen and facing him. At this point he was now in your room, perched in front of your door.

“Doesn’t seem like nothing.”

“Seriously, I’m kinda freaking out over nothing right now.”

“C’mon, you’re always telling me I’m valid for having concerns, you are too.”

“No, I mean there is literally no singular thing I’m anxious about right now—it’s just physical anxiety, the general feeling that I’m going crazy, or dying, I don’t know, both I guess. That sounds so dramatic. I really am fine. I mean, I’m not fine, but I am, yeah?” You rambled on and on, and cursed yourself when you noticed your leg had started bouncing again.

“I don’t think you’re okay, do you want me to bring you to Dr. Cho?”

“That’s sweet of you, but I don’t think there’s much she can do. The worst of this should pass in thirty minutes anyway, it’s just my meds.”

“Oh.” 

You could tell Bucky wanted to ask more, but wasn’t sure if it was polite.

“I have ADD. ADHD, whatever you want to call it. So I take medicine so I can focus on certain tasks, like these reports. And it does help me focus, but it’s also a stimulant, so it also gives me a lot of anxiety, which is totally awesome!” You scoffed.

“Why do you keep stopping your leg from bouncing?”

“I don’t know, I don’t want to annoy you.”

“If bouncing your leg makes you feel better, it doesn’t bother me.”

“I feel like I’m embarrassing myself,” you whined. 

Beep.

You looked at your watch.

“Oh, look at that, 126!”

“Do you—would…would a hug be something that would help you? Calm you down?” He offered, casually putting his arms out for emphasis.

“Sure, Bucky,” you smiled, and stood up to meet him halfway. You knew it wouldn’t fix it, but it certainly couldn’t hurt.

Bucky wrapped you in a big embrace, and you were shocked by how warm and teddy-like it was. You gave a small sigh, and rested your face in his neck, knowing you weren’t going to be the first to let go.

He held onto you for longer than you expected, just calmly swaying together in your room. 

To your dismay, he eventually let go of you. You were about to thank him and return to your work, but he gently grabbed your wrist and brought your watch to his sight. 

“107. Good, but I think we can do better than that,” he sweetly smiled, and wrapped you back up into his arms. 

“It might take a while.” You mumbled into his shirt.

“As long as it takes.” He cooed.

A/N: Should be either A) studying for a history exam I have tmw, or B) writing my stupid essay that the rough draft is due tmw, but I wrote this instead bc I’m procrastinating  HELP ME

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 12, Unlucky - Pt. 3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mentions of injury, descriptions of violence, 2nd hand embarrassment, Jade Carthage.

Word Count: 1.5k

Previously On...: You were out for a celebratory dinner with Bucky, Tony, and Pepper, where the conversation got a little loaded, but it was all good, until Tony got a phone call from Bruce, informing him that members of your team had returned from their mission, and one of them was seriously injured.

A/N: I don't even know what to say for these next few parts. Just get ready, I guess?

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @jmeelee @cazellen @blackhawkfanatic @les-sel @marcswife21 @buckybarnessimpp @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @erelierraceala @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @jupiter-107 @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @sashaisready @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @doublejeon @pattiemac1

The four of you rushed into the med bay, looking completely out of place in your formal dinner clothes. Tony immediately began shouting for Banner, desperate to know what had happened to his best friend, and you were worried sick. For as long as you’d known Tony, Rhodey had been a part of your life, too. You gasped and put a hand to your mouth when you eventually turned a corner and found your team gathered around Rhodey’s lifeless form hooked up to Dr. Cho’s Cradle. He was lying so still inside you were afraid for a moment that he was dead, but the steady beeping of the machines let you know that, for now, at least, he was still alive. You felt Bucky take a quick inhale as he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you into him.

“Someone tell me what the fuck happened, right now!” Tony bellowed. He’d lost his tie somewhere between the restaurant and the Tower, and with the amount of tugging he’d done at his hair and the look of utter despair on his face, he looked like he was coming completely undone. Pepper was rubbing circles on his back, doing her best to calm him down before he gave himself a heart attack.

“He’s stable,” Bruce said, stepping forward to put a hand on Tony’s shoulder. “That’s the important thing.” Tony let out a barely audible sigh as Bruce continued. “He took a couple of bullets– one punctured a lung and one hit a major artery. He’s lost a lot of blood, and there may end up being some brain damage. But if Sam hadn’t gotten him into the Quinjet’s on-board Cradle in time, well…” he shrugged, leaving the ominous conclusion unsaid.

Tony took three long strides over to where Sam stood, Falcon suit completely covered in Rhodey’s blood, and wrapped him in a tight embrace. Sam’s eyes widened in shock as he slowly reached his arms up to return the hug, awkwardly patting Tony on the back.

“Thank you,” said Tony, taking a step back. “What happened?”

Sam cast a glance to the corner of the room, where you now noticed Jade Carthage, tac-suit pristine– not an ounce of blood on her– with her arms wrapped around herself, as though trying to take up as little space as possible. 

“Wilson.” Tony’s voice was threatening.

“We spent the last two weeks getting Hydra intel, like we were supposed to do,” Sam said. “We knew it was a fact-finding mission, only. We weren’t looking for a fight, I swear.” He cast an angry glance at Jade. “Last night, Carthage said she got word about an abandoned Hydra base. No agents left, but maybe a goldmine for intel. She wanted to check it out. Rhodey and I tried to convince her that we should follow our orders, call home for back up so we wouldn’t be met with any surprises we’d be outnumbered for, but she insisted it was safe, her intel was good.”

Sam took a deep breath. “She… she took off on her own. We weren’t just gonna let a teammate go in solo, super soldier or not, so we followed her. It was… it was a fucking ambush, man. Was like they knew we were comin’. The place was crawlin’ with Hydra agents, like a goddamn ant hill. They started firing, and before Rhodey could activate his suit, he took two hits. I screamed for Carthage to cover me and was able to get my wings up– deflect any more bullets from hitting us, and I picked him up and dragged him to the jet. Got him into the Cradle just as she was runnin’ up the plank, and we got outta there as fast as we could and headed straight home. I’m so sorry, Tony.”

Tony shook his head and patted Sam on the shoulder. “Don’t be sorry, Birdbrain. If not for you, Rhodey wouldn’t have made it.” He turned and took a few steps toward Jade, eyes narrowed. “Carthage, on the other hand, what the hell were you thinking?!”

Jade dropped her arms from where she held them across her chest. “It’s not my fault,” she said, holding her chin out defiantly. “I got bad intel; it was just unlucky.”

“Unlucky?” Tony asked, shocked. “Unlucky?!” He was shouting now. “Your recklessness could have gotten your entire team killed and you chalk that up to a lack of fucking luck?”

“Stark,” Bucky warned from beside you.

“Bucky, don’t,” you pleaded softly, desperately. 

“You can’t seriously be blaming me for this!” Jade argued. “I was trying to neutralize a threat. Isn’t that what we Avengers are supposed to do? How is it my fault Rhodes wasn’t prepared for battle? Huh? How is it my responsibility to make sure he had his armor ready before going into potentially hostile territory. Sounds to me like your friend’s the one who was reckless and you’re just looking to find anyone else to blame.”

The group collectively gasped. “Jade,” Steve began in his Captain America voice, “perhaps this isn’t—”

“You weren’t even supposed to be there!” Tony screamed at her. Jade flinched inward on herself, and you had to put a  hand on Bucky’s arm to keep him from going to her. “You disobeyed direct orders and jeopardized your mission. You followed up on intel that you hadn’t verified, you needlessly risked the lives of yourself and your team, and you can’t even take responsibility for your actions! You’re fucking benched, Carthage! You’re a liability in the field and I won’t have you putting any more of my people in harm’s way because you’re too fucking stupid to do your damned job!”

“That’s enough, Stark!” Bucky broke free of your grasp and moved to stand between Jade and Tony as Jade quietly began to sob. “I get that you’re upset about Rhodey– we all are, but you’re outta line. Yeah, she fucked up, but that’s no excuse to attack her like this in front of everyone.”

Tony scoffed at Bucky’s words. “Get her out of my sight. Before I do something I’ll really regret.”

Bucky put an arm around Jade’s shoulder and began to lead the sobbing girl out of the med bay.

“Oh, and Barnes?” Tony called out before they could make it to the door. Bucky stopped and turned to face him. “Wanna remind us all again who your actual girlfriend is? Cause it sure as hell seems like you’ve forgotten.”

Bucky blanched as he turned to look at you, but you couldn’t meet his gaze, too mortified by his actions and the way they’d been so obvious that Tony called him out in front of everybody. Without another word, Bucky turned and escorted Jade out of the med bay. Any joy you’d felt earlier today in your accomplishments with the C-PAS had vanished with concern for Rhodey and abject embarrassment from your boyfriend.

The rest of the team had the decency, at least, to avoid looking at you.

Tony heaved a sigh and walked up to you. “I’m sorry, kiddo. I shouldn’t have drug your business into that mess.”

“You fucking think, Tony?” You shoved him hard in the chest with both your hands. “That was beyond shitty! I get you’re hurt and you’re scared– I am, too! And trust me, no one wants that bitch gone more than I do, but what you just did was— was—” You couldn’t even find the words for how horrible and small his actions had made you feel. You were, without a doubt, far more upset with Tony at that moment than you were with Bucky. Bucky, at least, had been trying to protect a friend from Tony’s wrath, however justified you personally felt it may have been, but what Tony did was unnecessarily cruel. And even worse, it wasn’t just cruel to Bucky, it was cruel to you. You couldn’t be mad at Bucky simply because he was being kind, even if you did wish he was being kind to literally anyone else on the planet.

“Tony,” Bruce called from where he stood by the Cradle. “I need to go over some more details about Rhodey’s condition with you.”

Casting you a final sympathetic look of apology, Tony turned and walked to Bruce’s side.

Nat came to your side, concern showing on her face. “You okay?” she asked softly.

“Yeah,” you said. “Is it pathetic that I’m not even that mad at Bucky?” The question came out with a half hearted laugh. 

“No,” Nat said. “I get what he was trying to do. Might not have been the smartest way to go about it, but he’s always been the protective, guard dog type.”

You breathed in a sigh of relief. If Natasha Romanoff agreed with you, it either meant you were doing something very right, or something incredibly stupid. 

Sam came up to you both after a moment. “Hey,” he said, voice low. “Did you mean what you just told Tony? About wanting Carthage gone?”

You snorted. “Yeah, since before Day One. Why?”

“It’s a shared sentiment,” offered Nat.

Sam glanced around, then back to you and Nat. “We should go somewhere private,” he said. “I think the three of us should have a little chat.”

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[scar-lie]

OMEGA PT. 9 [Natasha]

Summary : Y/N finally wakes up

Pairing : Alpha ! Natasha Romanoff x Omega ! Reader

Warning : Mention of blood

Word count : 1,498

No one has permission to repost my work anywhere, if you see it please let me know.

{OMEGA PT. 8} {OMEGA PT.9} {OMEGA PT. 10}

No one has permission to repost my work anywhere, if you see it please let me know.

Natasha decided to sleep in the room to guard her pups and Y/N for 3 days now. She refuses to leave their side as much as possible. She will leave in a few minutes and make sure that someone she trusts will watch them, if necessary.

Now Natasha is currently lying on the sofa, peacefully sleeping. Her left leg is up to the top of the sofa, and her right arm is across from her eyes, shielding her eyes until she hears a giggle that makes her open her eyes and smile.

She stands up and goes to her two pups, who're like talking to each other and giggling; this makes Natasha's hearts melt, kissing their foreheads.

“You're so bubbly today, huh? ”Natasha giggles when her pups answer her with a giggle while looking at her.

“Yeah, you're both happy this morning; how's your sleep, my little princes? Did you sleep well? ”Natasha nods her head while her pups continue giggling at her.

But her smile fades when she thinks of her other pup. She looks at the side where her daughter is, still in the incubator and sleeping peacefully with a steady heartbeat.

“And how was my princess? ”Natasha went to her pup, carefully caressing her cheeks. 

“My strong, beautiful princess,” Natasha whispered, smiling while admiring her pup. Then an idea popped into her mind when she heard a giggle again.

“You two want to see your baby sister? ”She looks at her sons, going back again, not caring anymore if she hurts them or crashes them in her arm.

The only thing on her mind now is to cradle them on her arm and sit beside their sister to interact with because she read, and Dr. Cho told her that it's good and will help her health when there's interaction between them.

Natasha smiles when they coo and start to reach for her. In Natasha's mind, their little arms are so cute while they are trying to reach her.

But on the other side, Y/N’s heart started to race when she saw Natasha reaching for her babies, her pups, and even though she herself knows that she's not capable of fighting now, she tries, standing on her wobbly legs and proceeding to walk forward while her head is pulsing from pain and her ears are ringing.

“Don't you...fucking dare... touch my pups.” Natasha looks at Y/N, shocked and happy that she's awake, but worry quickly runs through her veins, seeing Y/N’s heart beat start to rise and the fact that she's detaching every single thing that's attached to her, making the needle spot bleed.

So Natasha quickly retreated her hand from one of her pups to try to catch Y/N, but once she got close to her, her nails quickly came across her right check, which made a small scratch.

This makes Natasha stumble back, making way for Y/N to go forward towards her pups. She quickly stands guard to protect them from nearby danger, and it hurts Natasha to know—or realize—that she's the nearby danger from your point of view.

“Hey, it's ok, I’m not going to take them. Please calm down and go back to bed. You're still weak and need to heal first,” Natasha said cautiously, showing her hand to you and indicating that she's no harm.

“Liar, I'm not a fool; take one step and I’ll slit your throat.” You threaten, holding on through the near wall because her legs are giving up under the weight of her body.

“I swear, please let me just h-” you quickly shut her up, throwing the IV holder that's sitting next to you, and thank god that there's no IV bag hanging there.

“Leave before I end you! ”You growl, and Natasha doesn't have a choice but to nod, putting her hands up again while backing away, making you relieved with each step backwards she takes until she's in the door.

She looked up to you, seeing you sitting on the floor, getting hard to breathe, and you just looked so pale, so weak, and so vulnerable, but still, you're standing up for your pups, making her worry for your health, so without another word, she quickly got out to get Cho.

Her walk turns into a walk run until she's running around the halls to find Cho, but also cursing at the lack of her presence around the halls of the medbay, so one thing she could be—at Tony’s and Bruce Lab—so she quickly took an elevator to go to the common room.

“Oh Nat, glad to see you!” but Wanda got cut off and Yelena quickly on the red heads tale. Seeing her uneasy, nervous, and reckless makes Yelena worry something happens.

“Not now, Wanda.” Before Natasha could take a step down the stairs that lead to Tony and Bruce Lab, Yelena snatched her arm, turning the redhead's body. 

“What is going on? What happened? ”Yelena, look at the distressing redhead who nearly wants to cry because of happiness that you finally are awake and sad and hurt because of how you react to her and also worried.

“It's Y/N; she's awake and not in good shape; I need to get Cho.” Yelena was also happy, as was Wanda when she heard what Nat said, and they were also worried.

“What are you waiting for? Run down to the lab; Cho is with Tony.” Yelena pushes her sister gently, so Natasha quickly runs down the lab while Yelena and Wanda rush to the medbay.

Dr. Cho can't completely examine you because every time they enter your room, you quickly guard your pups, not trusting anyone from them.

And you know you're weak and vulnerable, but you refuse to show it. You endure every stinging pain you feel around your body, especially on your lower part from your lower belly down.

You don't trust anyone anymore; you've learned the hard way, and you will never let anyone hurt you and your pups anymore. You wouldn't let it happen anymore.

“What are we going to do? ”Bruce asked Cho stress while they look at you through the mirror, battling their own to think what to do before things get worse.

There's no written document in history on how to tend a person who's battling death through breaking bonds, and they didn't fully know how their experiments were working or how to 100% use them.

“I’d say sedate her, but we can't even come near her, and there's no IV attached to her anymore,” Cho mumbled, biting her lips while tapping her shoes on the floor.

"Well, maybe we can shoot her? ”Tony interrupts the two, looking at your fragile body, which's still on the floor besides your pups.

“How? And she's not an animal to tranquilize her.” Bruce, shoot back to Tony, not liking the idea because he himself experienced it too and he didn't like it.

“We didn't have a choice; look at her. She will knock down any seconds now, and we don't know if she will wake up again.” Tony whispered, shouting, and Cho nodded, agreeing to the idea.

“It's not necessary, plus if she wakes up this time, she will again.” Cho wants to stop their battering of each other, but each time she tries to, one of them will throw words at another. 

And the team is anxious outside your door, and their battering didn't help ease their worry or fear for your health, especially the two Russian

“Can you please stop talking about her like that? She's in the fucking room right in front of us, and you two fighting over a nonsense matter will not help tend to her health,” Natasha snapped, glaring at them.

“Cho do it, please; she's getting weaker and weaker every second,” Natasha whispers, biting her lips as much as she finds it cruel and unfair on your side. There's no other choice on the plate at the moment.

Cho quickly ordered her staff to get what she needed, and once Cho got what she needed, she turned around to look at the team.

“One of you should do it; I am no good at aiming,” she gently and softly said while extending the sedating gun.

Everyone looks at each other, waiting for someone to volunteer, not wanting to do it by themselves. This makes Cho sigh, then extend his hand to Clint.

“Oh no, I can't…I-I…please.” Clint got cut off when Tony stood up and gently took the sedating gun with deep breaths.

“I suggest it, so I should be the one to do it.” All eyes are on Tony.

“Better have a good aim, Tony, or I’ll be the one shooting you if you mess this up,” Natasha and Yelena threaten him, making him shudder in fear.

“I got this, plus I don't want two Russians hunting my ass,” Tony mumbled, but the two were able to hear it, making them glare at him.

Tags :

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Flufftober Day 19 | We’ll always protect you

Pairing | Fiancé!Steve Rogers x Fiancée!Avenger!Female!Reader

Word count | 1.9K

Summary | It has always been Steve's dream to become a Dad, and suddenly, that opportunity seems closer than he could ever have envisioned. When a little girl is abandoned in front of the Avengers Compound, he can't help but take an immediate liking to her, and he feels the urge to keep her safe no matter what.

Warning(s) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Swearing, angst: Child abandonment (they’re left at the Compound), mention of infertility, mentions/descriptions of anxiety. Hurt/comfort.

Prompt(s) | 19. Keeping someone safe | @flufftober

A/n | I've been thinking of writing something like this for a while, and I'm happy I've finally got a chance to do it! I hope you will all enjoy this one. Writing was quite a challenge, but I hope I could do this topic at least a bit of justice.

Likes, comments and reblogs will be very much appreciated 🧡

Divider is made by @cafekitsune | GIF credit to the owner

Main Masterlist | Steve Rogers Masterlist | Flufftober Masterlist

It is a beautiful spring day, and you and your fiancé, Steve, are on a run through New York together. In all fairness, he keeps his pace lower just so he can keep up with you, and he usually runs some more on a treadmill afterward, but the quality time together is always excellent.

"Can we... just for a... I need to stop," you pant as you slow your pace and come to a complete stop shortly after. Steve can't help but smile as he sees your bright red face from running, sweat dripping everywhere, and your hair a whole mess.

And still, despite all that, he can't keep his hands off you as he pulls you close for a much-needed kiss. Who needs air when you have a delicious super soldier who has to touch you constantly?

"It's not fair that I'm all sweaty, and you didn't even get a tinge of color on your cheeks from our run…" you say with a pout, though you're still thankful he wants to come along with you, even if it's just for some company.

He swiftly kisses your pout away with a sweet, tender kiss that has the butterflies in your stomach fly harder than usual.

"I can think of a good way to break a sweat when we're back, though," he says with a glint of mischief, and you already like where this is going.

"We better head back then, right?" you say after taking off, and Steve follows immediately until he matches your pace again. The last 2 miles went by in a blur, and before you know it, you're back at the Compound.

You're about to open the door when Steve suddenly stops, as his super soldier hearing is picking something up. He hears a faint cry somewhere and can't let it go, so he excuses himself.

When he rounds the corner and walks towards the garage of the Compound, the crying gets more significant, and that's when he sees it.

There's a baby wrapped in a thick bundle of blankets with a note tucked between the blankets on their belly, and they're crying uncontrollably. Steve can feel his heart breaking as he crouches to pick them up.

Before you can even ask what's going on, Steve's holding the baby close to his chest while rocking them back and forth slowly.

You gently get the note out of the blankets, and when you read it, your heart shatters into a million pieces. As you fight against the tears, you tell Steve what's on the card, though it's hard to do that and fight against your tears simultaneously.

Please, take good care of her because I can't do it; I'm sorry. She deserves a life I can't provide her, though I hope you can. Her name is Isabella, and she was born on October 12, 2023.

"Steve, she's only a week old! How can someone do this to her?!" you ask as you let the tears flow, and Steve is fighting against them as well, though he tries to be strong for the both of you.

"Let's bring her to Dr. Cho first to check her over, and after, we'll see what we have to do next, okay?" Steve says softly, and little Isabella has calmed down immensely, even falling asleep in Steve's arms.

"I just… I don't fucking get it!" You say as you let your anger take the best of you, and you immediately regret it as you wake up Isabella, who starts wailing.

"Sshhh, it's okay, Babygirl, you're safe with us. We'll always protect you," Steve shushes her, but you can't believe someone would do this to such a perfect human being.

After you've found out that you're infertile, it hits even closer to home, and you have to remove yourself from the situation before you do anything you'll regret later on.

"I- I can't, Steve. You take her, and I'm going to shower," you say without looking at him, knowing that if you do that, you will lash out at him even though none of this is either of your faults.

Steve takes little Isabella to the medbay in the meantime to have her looked over by Dr. Cho, and after some careful examinations, she has been deemed fully healthy, apart from a bit of malnourishment.

"I will give you a list of basics you need to get for her since she obviously won't be breastfeeding, but I also need to contact Child Protective Services, Captain Rogers," Dr. Cho explains, and Steve nods in understanding.

"I get it; I just hope they don't take her away from us. I don't think we'd be able to get through that, especially not with everything she's gone through," Steve says, referencing your infertility.

As it turns out, though, neither of you needed to worry about Isabella being taken away from the two of you.

Today is the last visit of the social worker before they decide if she can stay with the pair of you, and you've been anxious and walking on eggshells around everybody for about a week now.

"Munchkin, can you come here for a few seconds?" Steve asks, but you're too nervous, still pacing the room. You've changed your outfit three times and styled your hair just as many times.

The anxiety is taking over your mind and making Isabella nervous, too, but you haven't noticed that. Steve most definitely has, however, and he can't take it anymore.

"Okay, if you don't want to listen, I'm going to take matters into my own hands," he says as he walks over to you, pulling you into his chest, and you just let yourself melt into his touch as his strong arms hold you close to him.

"We're going to be okay; I know we will be. You heard what the lady said; we have nothing to be worried about because she has never seen two people who are more cut out to be parents than us," Steve says, and you can't help but let the tears flow, your hands fisted the back of his shirt.

"I just- We're so close, Steve! I can't lose her now... She's such a perfect little girl and deserves the life we can provide her. And- and I love her so much, it's like she's my daughter that I brought into this world," you say between sniffles.

"I know, Munchkin, but I have all the faith in the world that she can stay with us," Steve reassures you with lots of kisses. When there's a sudden knock on the door, you get snapped out of it and rush to the bathroom to fix your make-up.

Steve picks up Isabella, who is wearing a white playsuit with red hearts all over it and looks adorable. The social worker is ready to go immediately when he opens the door.

"Come on in; Y/N will be joining us in a few minutes," Steve says, and he offers her a drink, which she happily agrees to.

"Hi, I'm so sorry I wasn't here to greet you!" you say as you sit in front of the social worker, taking Isabella from Steve and giving her a bottle you prepared before walking into the living room.

"She's perfect, isn't she? And that little suit she's wearing makes you fall in love with her instantly," she says with a big smile, and you couldn't agree more.

Steve comes back soon after and sits down next to you, his arm laid over the back of the couch so he can still touch you.

"Well, I suppose I shall start with the good news first. I have had a few meetings with a judge, you two, of course, and one other social worker on this case to see if she can stay with the two of you, and I can officially congratulate the two of you! If you still want to, you can adopt little Isabella," she says, and you look over at Steve, tears streaming down both of your faces.

"Are- Are you sure?" you ask, and after one more confirmation, you let yourself sag against the back of the couch, still mindful of Isabella, who is happily drinking away.

A few weeks later, all three of you are at the courthouse to sign the adoption papers, and from that moment on, you're the proud parents of your little girl, Isabella Rogers.

When all three of you arrive back at the Avengers Compound, you are surprised by a small get-together Tony has planned for Isabella and the fact that you are finally having the family that you have dreamt of.

Everyone is taking their turns to cuddle with Isabella until it is time for her to get a bottle, and this time, Steve has taken to the task, so Tony has pulled you apart for a minute.

"How're you feeling?" Tony asks as you're standing in the kitchen, the get-together still happening in the living room. You're glad Tony is also taking the time to look after you; you love how he is just like your second Dad.

"Relieved, mostly, but I suppose it is also a double feeling. I know, and I'm delighted that she's ours, that she is part of our family now, but it also stings a little bit that she's not biologically mine, you know?" you say with a sigh, tears prickling behind your eyes.

"The one thing I wanted more than anything is to become a Mom, and even though I achieved that goal, it almost feels like I've cheated life or something," you say, and Tony pulls you in for a big hug, letting the tears stream freely.

You don't need him to say anything, and it's as if he can sense it because he holds you close while you let out your tears. Steve has come to check up on you, but once he sees you're with Tony, he kisses your head before returning to the party. He knows you're in good hands.

When you've finally calmed down, Tony says something that warms your heart.

"Listen to me, okay? You're the best mother Isabella could have ever wished for, and this is the universe's way of telling you that you should have been her Mom all along. She was born to end up with the two of you, and there's nowhere else she should be right now," he says, his hand placed on your cheek, his thumb rubbing reassuringly over your cheekbone.

"Thank you so much, Tony. It means the world to hear you say that. And thank you for being by our sides through everything; I will never be able to repay you for everything you did but know that I am deeply thankful for you, and I love you more than you'll ever know," you say, and after one more big hug, you two go back to the party.

"I love you, Steve, and I'm happy that our little family is finally complete," you say before giving him a soft, slow kiss that takes your breath away.

"I have to say, I know life has its ways for everything, but I can't say I would have wanted our family to get together any other way," he says before pulling you into his side.

You look at Tony cooing at the little girl, and he looks up at you to give you one more wink, which warms your heart. You would do it all over again if it meant that you would get to live your dream, and it felt like your heart was overflowing.

"I love you, Munchkin," Steve whispers, and you let a big smile escape your lips. You can't stop looking at your daughter; your heart is filled with love.

[babyhatesreality]

Headcannon of pregnant reader and mafia stucky? Tons of fluff? 🥺 maybe mention of birth control? 🥺❤️

Oooooo, this is interesting.... (going with severe Stockholm Syndrome reader for this headcannon)

When you missed your period twice and finally took the tests Natasha smuggled in for you, you did it by yourself. You were afraid that they were going to be mad, as this was not something that they had ever mentioned to you before, and so you took the test alone. And then three more just because you didn't believe it.

You didn't know how it happened- well, of course you knew how it HAPPENED- but Steve and Bucky had kept you on their choice of birth control ever since they took you to live with them. You didn't even know which one you were on, only that a doctor came every now and then to give you a shot. You hadn't paid attention to the details that Dr. Cho was explaining when she gave you the shot, because you didn't have any say in it anyways, so why should you have to remember the details?

But now you were worried that they were going to be angry for not knowing the details, or that your body was about to change drastically without their permission

when you finally worked up the courage to tell them, you were scared to death. You couldn't lose them, but you couldn't lose this baby either. You were in tears, sobbing, when you told them.

Here's what you didn't know...and they didn't tell you.

Steve realized it before you did. He recognized the lethargy, the extra food intake, the queasiness, and the tightness of your lower belly for what it was a couple weeks before you did.

He didn't say anything to you, not wanting to steal your thunder, but began slipping prenatal vitamins into your morning smoothie, nagging you to drink more water and take more naps, taking stock of what you were craving and ordering the cook to have it on hand at all times, day or night.

He'd told Bucky, who immediately went and ordered every possible thing that you could ever want or need to help you through the pregnancy. He'd done it all himself, ordering his men to only bring the packages in directly to him if you weren't around.

After you finally got the words out to them, Bucky pulled you into his lap, laying your head on his shoulder and giving you the biggest hug. Steve immediately wrapped his arms around the both of you, and your tears of terror turned into tears of joy. Instead of bursting your bubble, they whispered nonstop how happy and excited they were, and how proud they were of you.

What started as a nightmare became a dream.

They had called a meeting of all their gang, and let you shyly make the announcement. The roar of approval that came from the group nearly knocked you off your feet, and the party they had that night was insane..although you were only allowed to drink water and were sent to bed at a decent hour while the rest of them drank themselves stupid and stayed up all night.

Steve and Bucky were wildly excited, but only showed it around you. With the men, they were smugly proud and bragging constantly, but didn't dare make a show of their own enthusiasm.

The first weekend after you found out, they cuddled you in between them and made you shop online for everything you wanted for the nursery. It was thrilling for you to get to click on everything and anything that tickled your fancy, as they'd always monitored your shopping, spoiling you rotten while curbing your choices to their tastes.

They made you wait until it ALL arrived before setting up the nursery, taking a full week solely with you to set it up and making several of their more prominent partners reschedule meetings and shipments. You had no idea, but that week tied up the eastern seaboard for a month with the backlog.

They didn't leave you alone for a minute the entire time- at least one of them was with you constantly. This was also practice for them for when the baby came, as they were never, ever going to make you spend a moment alone with the baby unless you needed one (and even then they would be on the other side of the door).

They were able to pretty easily talk you into a home water birth, as the idea of a hospital with all the people and medical equipment scared the living daylights out of you.

When the time came, they absolutely refused to leave your side, sometimes forcing Dr. Cho and the doula to work around their presence. They wanted what was best for you, so they were as accommodating as could be...but they never further away than arm's length, always having at least one hand connected to you.

You gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby, while Steve and Bucky held your hands, whispered words of encouragement and praise, kept you hydrated and cool and as calm as could be.

Everything changed after that- Steve and Bucky now had two beautiful babies they couldn't live without, and they spoiled you both rotten. And you loved them all the more for it.

[brooke0297]

Make You Feel My Love (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Plus Sized Female Reader

Summary: “I will tell you everyday how much I love you and how perfect you are to me. If you can’t believe it for yourself, I’ll believe it for both of us.” When the reader is having trouble loving herself, Bucky tries to remind her.

Warnings: Angsty beginning with happy ending; talk about gaining weight/slightly negative body talk; slight allusions to smut (blink and you'll miss them); mentions of past injury (gsw, passing out).

Author's Note: For me, being plus sized can be great and sometimes not so great. So I wrote this story for me and I hope that you like it. Comments and reblogs always appreciated!

************************************************************************

“I’m not going!”

Bucky leaned his head against the door to the bathroom and sighed.

“Doll, please come out so we can talk?”

“No! Bucky I’m not going so can you please leave?”

“Baby, please I just want to talk to you.”

Bucky waited, and he could feel his heart cracking when he heard the muffled sniffles coming from the bathroom. He glanced over to the doorway into his room and shook his head at Steve and Wanda, who were peering into the room. They slowly backed away as he continued to knock on the bathroom door. 

There was a September Foundation gala happening in just over four hours and the compound was buzzing with preparations. Tony had been at the tower all week, waltzing around and telling a team of interns and designers to move decorations three inches to the left (with Pepper following close behind to move them back to their proper place). The team was in full glam mode with stylists and makeup artists running from room to room.

Which is why when he’d heard the slam of the door to Y/N’s room and a personal stylist huffing angrily down the corridor, he had poked his head into her room to see what the matter was. Only to catch the tail of her robe disappearing into her bathroom. He’d knocked, only to be denied entry with a firm refusal to open the door. Which is where he was now, standing barefoot in front of her bathroom begging her to let him in.

“Can you at least tell me if you need me to track down that stylist and put the fear of God in them?” he tried.

“Please don’t, Bucky.” Y/N whimpered and Bucky sobered immediately. 

“Baby, please let me in because I’m starting to panic and I will break down this door if I have to. Especially if someone hurt you.” he said gravely.

“No one hurt me, Buck! Please I just need you to leave me alone!” she insisted. Bucky sighed, turning from the door to sit beside it. He was trying really hard to not let the rejection sting, but there was a part of him deep down that was still bothered.

He and Y/N had been together just a little over 8 months. She had started working at the compound a few weeks after he’d joined the Avengers as an analyst and had become an integral part of the team. He’d never known mission briefings to be as interesting as they were once Y/N had come aboard. They had flirted, a glimmer of the old Bucky breaking through the trauma and insecurities, and he’d been toying with the idea of asking her to dinner.

But then a mission in Versailles threw a wrench in the plans. It was supposed to be a quick in and out reconnaissance mission: Steve and Nat with Bucky for backup. But Y/N needed to also come to decrypt the files Nat was retrieving from the museum. Nat was on lookout, but the guards were too quick and before she could take them all out and before he had reached the threshold of the office, one had gotten off a shot. Dr. Cho had told them later that a millimeter closer and it would have severed Y/N’s carotid. Instead it had fractured her collar bone and sent her careening into the window behind her, shattering the glass. Bucky had felt a glimmer of the old soldier, long dormant since Shuri’s reprogramming had been successful, take over and the remaining guards were dead before they could draw another breath. Steve ordered him to provide cover as the four of them escaped and flew home as fast as they could. All Bucky remembered from that night was holding Y/N’s hand as she sobbed in pain and whispering assurances in her ear until she passed out from the pain and blood loss.

He hadn’t left her side the two days she was in the med bay. When she woke up after surgery, he was there. He had tried to leave her once, to give her space, but she had already tugged him closer and pulled his lips down to meet hers in a gentle but passionate kiss.

“Sorry it took me so long, but getting shot will do that,” she’d murmured. He’d laughed and kissed her again. And he hadn’t stopped for 8 months.

Now though, he worried that something had happened. Maybe she had finally realized the Soldier and his actions were too much to excuse and she couldn’t bring herself to break it off gently? Maybe she’d found someone with less baggage?

“Y/N. I just…I just need you to know how much I love you. You are the most important thing in the world to me and your happiness is priority number one for me. I…I would not be alive now if it wasn’t for you and you are the reason that I wake up in the morning.”

He heard some shuffling and then he could feel her body lean against the door. He got up and rested his head against where he knew hers would rest.

“I love you too, Bucky.” she whispered. Bucky felt the hole in his heart mend itself and he sighed in relief.

“Baby, I know you might not want to talk about it and if you really don’t want to go tonight, I will respect that. But I really do need you to open the door. Please, because I never want you to feel like you have to shut me out. We’re partners and when something bothers you, it bothers me.”

“I know Buck. It just…ugh I hate this feeling!” she groaned. She sniffled again and Bucky waited.

“My dress doesn’t fit.” she whispered. Bucky felt his heart skip and he sighed in defeat.

Y/N was plus sized. She was a beautiful, confident woman who embraced her curves and never let archaic societal expectations get in the way of loving herself. Bucky was enamored with her confidence and considered her the sexiest woman he’d ever met. But there were days where clothes fit tighter or sitting in a theater was uncomfortable, and Y/N was reminded that the world was not created for people who looked like her. Bucky would try to listen to what she needed in the moment: space, righteous anger, ect. And he was always sure to worship her body when they were alone. He loved all of her, every single part, and he tried everyday to tell her.

The stylists had received strict instructions from Nat and Pepper (and him) to provide more than enough dresses in her size to give her a wide range. She’d had a ball trying them on and modeling them for the girls and she’d promised him that he could have his fun getting her out of the dress (with a slight preview that night).

“Baby,” he murmured sadly.

“I know that I haven’t been eating super well and my shoulder was bothering me so I haven’t been to the training gym in a couple weeks but… I just thought… it hasn’t been that long! And the dress wasn’t snug the last time I tried it on…” she sniffled again.

“Y/N, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I know how much you loved that dress.” he said into the door.

“It’s dumb,” she said, tearfully. “I shouldn’t be crying over a stupid dress but…it’s just one of those things, y’know?”

“It’s not dumb, Y/N.” Bucky said, vehemently. “Nothing you feel is ever dumb. And you never have to minimize what you’re feeling, especially with me.”

“I know, baby. And I love you so much. I just…I don’t want to feel like this. I’ve worked really hard to love my body and all it takes is a stupid dress for it to all come crashing down.”

Bucky stood silent for a moment, wishing he could take away the hurt she was feeling. Even for a moment.

“Doll? Can you open the door for me? I want to see you.” he murmured gently. He heard Y/N sigh before the lock twisted and the handle turned. He waited as she gently swung the door open.

The dress was a cobalt blue, tea length dress with pleats in the skirt. The bust had molded cups and was held up by thin spaghetti straps. Bucky’s eyes ran up the dress to meet Y/N’s frustrated glance. Her eyes were swollen from crying and she looked frazzled and defeated.

“It’s the most beautiful dress I’ve ever worn, and it won’t freaking zip,” Y/N grumbled, turning and showing Bucky the gaping back. Sure enough, the clasps of her strapless bra and the top of her shapewear showed from between the teeth of the zipper.

“The stylist tried three times to get that zipper to work and they finally gave up. Bucky, this is humiliating!” Y/N’s lip trembled and her eyes began to glass over with tears.

“Hey, hey look at me,” Bucky insisted. He took her face in his hands and met her gaze intently.

“First thing is: I love you more than anything on this earth. You are the single most important thing in my life.” he began. Y/N choked back a sob as Bucky pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“The second is…” he turned them to face the full length mirror sitting in the corner of Y/N’s room. Bucky’s arms wrapped around her waist and he rested his head on her shoulder. He could feel the smooth fabric of the dreaded dress in his flesh hand and the warmth of her skin underneath. How many times had he held her this way, reveling in the feel of her surrounding him? How many times had he traced patterns on her soft skin? He didn’t think he would ever tire of it.

“The second is that you are perfect no matter what you wear. You could be wearing the most haute couture outfit or my old t-shirt that mysteriously keeps finding its way into your laundry basket and you will still be the most beautiful, most radiant woman that I have ever had the honor of calling my partner.”

Y/N bit her lip to push back the tears as her arms came up to cover his around her waist. He could feel her melting into his embrace and he kissed her shoulder beside the loose strap of her dress.

“I know that there will be other days like this ahead, and while I wish that there won’t be, all I can do is promise to always tell you all the ways that you are so much more than the dress size you wear. You are sweet and kind and smart and hilarious. You never let Sam and Tony get away with the bullshit and you are fiercely loyal to the people you love. And I have never seen someone be able to reconnaissance a three floor HYDRA warehouse faster than you can. You are the glue that holds our team together, Y/N. You have saved our lives more times than I can count. 

“And there are still days that I can’t believe you even glanced in my direction, let alone chose me to hold your heart. You saw through the darkness and destruction in my soul and you helped me let the light in. I will spend everyday making myself worthy of your love, but you never ever have to shrink yourself to a box to make others love you.”

Y/N turned in his arms and pulled him down to meet her lips in a searing kiss. Her arms wrapped around his neck to tangle in the hair at the base of his neck, and his hands traveled from her hips and around her back to pull her closer.

When they pulled away, lips swollen and breathless, he cupped her cheek and stroked his thumb across her face.

“If you don’t want to go to this gala, I will happily tell Tony to fuck off and we will do whatever you want to do,” he promised. Y/N sighed, looking away briefly.

“I want to go so badly, but the dress…”

“...has arrived!” came a voice from the doorway. They turned to see Nat and the stylist from before striding in with a garment bag slung over their shoulder. Bucky remembered suddenly that their name was Zo.

“What?” Y/N asked, confused. “What are you talking about? I’m currently wearing the dress and it does not fit.”

“You’re currently wearing that version of the dress,” Zo said, unzipping the garment bag to reveal an identical dress to the one Y/N was wearing. Y/N stared at it, dumbfounded.

“I was told this was one of a kind,” she murmured, reaching out to feel the fabric.

“Well as far as the stylists knew, it was. But I know this designer and she is working on expanding her plus size brand, so I had a hunch she had some sample sizes stashed somewhere. All it took was a quick phone call, a police escort thanks to Tony Stark, and now you have your dream dress that I will happily tailor to you. But I am not a miracle worker so say buh-bye to your hunky arm candy and let us work our magic! We only have three and a half hours to make you dazzling.”

“She already is,” Bucky interjected strongly. Zo rolled their eyes and motioned to Natasha, who grabbed Bucky and began hauling him out the door.

“Hang on a second!” he protested, pulling out of her grasp. He turned back to a bewildered Y/N and kissed her deeply. 

“Could I at least help you out of this one?” he teased cheekily. Y/N laughed as Nat groaned in disgust and pulled him away.

“I swear to God I will kick your ass, Barnes,” Nat grumbled, “Now go get yourself pretty while we pamper your girl.”

She promptly launched him out of the room as a team of makeup artists and stylists filed in and slammed the door behind her. Bucky grinned and made his way back to his room to put on his tux and grab the surprise he’d been waiting to give Y/N.

Three and a half hours later, he was back waiting in front of Y/N’s door. His short, dark hair was styled back, and the cobalt blue pocket square tucked into his classic black tuxedo jacket matched the color of Y/N’s dress perfectly. His vibranium hand, encased in a black glove, fiddled with the box in his pocket and he tapped his shiny polished dress shoes nervously. Just as he was about to knock, the door flew open and Zo appeared, looking positively giddy.

“She is a masterpiece!” they declared, ushering him inside. When Bucky made it through the door, he froze at the sight of Y/N’s figure in front of the mirror.

The dress, now zipped and tailored perfectly to her body, seemed to shimmer in the light as it accentuated her curves before flowing from her waist, around her hips, and stopping at the middle of her calves. She wore two inch high, black block heels and her hair was styled down and loose around her face. Her makeup made her skin look luminescent and her eyes bright. When her gaze caught Bucky’s, she smiled widely and Bucky knew the storm had passed. 

She was absolutely ethereal.

“What do you think, Y/N?” Zo asked, moving past Bucky’s prone form to pick imaginary lint off of the dress. Y/N smiled brilliantly at them and took their hand.

“It’s perfect. And I cannot thank you enough for everything, Zo. I feel…”

“Gorgeous,” Zo finished, squeezing her hand. Y/N nodded and Zo discreetly stepped aside as Bucky’s breath returned to him.

When he took a step towards her, Natasha’s hand flashed out to stop him. She had changed into her figure hugging black gown with a sweetheart neckline and long side slit and it made her look even more dangerously beautiful than she was in her widow suit.

“If you even think about messing up her makeup, I will take you down. Behave.” she murmured. Bucky rolled his eyes. He had been to enough events with Y/N that he knew to never kiss her directly on the lips or cheek when her makeup was that flawless.

Instead he approached her and took her hand in his, stooping down to plant a gentle kiss to her knuckles. He heard Zo and the other stylists swoon behind him, but he only had eyes for Y/N.

“Hey handsome. You clean up nice,” Y/N teased. Bucky stood up straight and pulled her closer.

“Ни на одном языке нет слов, чтобы описать, насколько ты прекрасна,” he whispered in her ear. Y/N shivered and he grinned. He knew how much she loved hearing him speak Russian.

“I love you, моя любовь” he murmured fiercely. Y/N smiled and smoothed her hands across his lapels.

“I love you too,” she murmured back. He chuckled and she cleared her throat, remembering their audience.

“Shall we?” she asked. She moved to step around him before he gently pulled her back.

“One second. I was waiting to give you this until tonight.” He handed her the box as Natasha herded the stylists out of the room. She glanced up at him in confusion before opening the top of the box. She gasped in surprise and delight.

“Oh Bucky,” she breathed. Bucky reached in and pulled the necklace out, letting it shimmer in the light.

“The sapphire is from an old brooch of my ma’s that Steve helped me track down. My dad saved for a year to buy it for her and she wore it to church every Sunday. And I had it set with a couple of the diamonds from your mom’s ring.” Y/N reached out and held the pendant of the necklace in her hands.

The sapphire was set in the center with two oval diamonds on either side. They touched at the bottom before fanning out away from the sapphire.

“I remember that brooch from a picture you showed me. Bucky, this is the most amazing gift you could have ever given me! Thank you, my love,” she said, reaching up to kiss him. She turned and let him place the necklace around her neck and fasten it before he pressed another kiss to the clasp at the nape of her neck. She turned back to him and wrapped her arms around him.

“Thank you,” she murmured. Bucky smiled.

“For what? The necklace?” he asked, brushing her hair back from her face.

“Well that, of course. And for loving me when it’s really hard to love myself.”

“I meant what I said,” he insisted. “I will tell you everyday how much I love you and how perfect you are to me. If you can’t believe it for yourself, I’ll believe it for both of us.”

“Back atcha, baby.”

With one last quick peck, she turned and took his hand to lead him into the hallway. They made their way through the hallways until they reached the main elevator.

“Wait…weren’t there two sapphires on that brooch? What are you going to do with the other?” Y/N asked as they entered the elevator. Bucky grinned.

“I have something special planned for that one,” he said slyly, pressing a quick kiss to her left hand ring finger.

************************************************************************

“Ни на одном языке нет слов, чтобы описать, насколько ты прекрасна,”= “There are no words in any language to describe how beautiful you are.”

"моя любовь" = "My love."

Thank you everyone for reading! Let me know what your thoughts, feelings, ect.

[lesbojournals]

Ichor Part Two (Stucky x Kidnapped with Amnesia!Reader)

part one here

It took time to adjust to your new setting. You continued to squint at the bright fluorescent lighting, so much so that your nurse gave you sunglasses. Your doctor, Dr. Cho was it? she kept talking to you, but it all sounded like someone was talking through a haze of jello. 

You felt your hearing come back slowly, and with the awakening out of your dissociative state, you quickly reached to take out the oxygen tube up your nose. Dr. Cho grabbed your hand gently, giving you a small smile whilst you stared at her in terror.

“It’s okay,” She promised. “Can you hear me?”

You blinked a few times and subtly nodded, enough so that Dr. Cho caught it.

“I’m glad,” She said. “That must’ve been really scary.” You said nothing in response. You’ve been taught too many times not to speak unless given permission.

Dr. Cho rubbed the back of your hand with her thumb as you both sat in silence.

“Do you want this off?” She spoke, pointing to your oxygen tube.

You just stared back blankly in response. Who knew what consequence would come from your answer?

“Do you know Leona? She told me you needed permission to speak. I need you to know those rules don’t apply here–you don’t have to listen to any nonsense like that. You can speak whenever, however you want, okay?” 

You frowned at the mention of Leona talking about you. Was that any of her business? You realized after a moment that Dr. Cho was still waiting on a response from you. You avoided eye  contact and looked at your lap, nodding. 

“I’m going to ask you some routine questions, okay?”

You nodded once again.

During the examination, your eyes drew themselves to the door, where you could make out two large silhouettes on the other side. Had they been there the whole time?

Dr. Cho noticed this, and held your hand a little tighter. “Are you ready to see them?”

You looked at her in confusion, and she seemed to pick up on this, concern drawing itself all over her face. She took her hand from yours and feverishly started to write things down in her notebook.

“Do you know who I’m talking about?”

You struggled to shake your head negatively, but did it anyways.

She sighed. “Do you recognize me?”

You averted your gaze and shook your head negatively again. Dr. Cho let out a nervous exhale.

“I’ll be right back, I promise.” She firmly grabbed your hand while she spoke and let it go to exit the room. 

As the door slid open you immediately made eye contact with the men behind the door, eyes bouncing from one man to the other back and forth. You nervously looked away, trying to block out the feelings that were bubbling in your chest. What was that? You went to look back, but the door had already been closed. It felt like you were going to throw up. 

Seconds passed before the door opened again, and the two men stormed in against the wishes of Dr. Cho, who yelled, “Wait! Enough!!”

“Do you know who we are?” One of the men asked in a whisper, looking angry and defeated. He had shoulder length brown hair, and piercing blue eyes. He was dressed like he was ready to go off into battle in a second.

The other man looked at you expectantly. He had dirty blonde hair that swept across his head in a clean style. His beard was full, and he also had blue eyes, but his were stormier. He was dressed in casual clothes, or clothes you noticed that you might wear for your training.

Dr. Cho chimed in. “He asked you a question, honey.” 

You looked at her, then back at the first man, then back at her. You shook your head negatively.

“You don’t…” The blonde man looked scared, which you assumed wasn’t something he felt often. “You don’t remember us?”

You gulped and fiddled with the blanket over your lap. Your mind, in an attempt to save yourself from the intense emotions in the room, focused at the task at hand. You were in a new location–Dr. Cho had told you you were saved. All you knew was living in the laboratory, so what did saved really entail? You could get this emotion out in training. Leona would rip you a new one, beating you to the ground, but it would help you forget whatever was happening at this moment.

So, in an attempt to make things better, you spoke. “When’s training?”

You hadn’t noticed that you interrupted a conversation between the two men and Dr. Cho, you must’ve dissociated. Your voice broke the conversation in whole, silence enveloping the room.

“Training?” The brunet breathed out. 

You nodded. Dr. Cho gave you a pitiful look.

“Leona told me about the training you’d have to do with each other, and so did Claire. You don’t have to do any of that here.” Dr. Cho said. 

The two men gave each other a look, and the one walked off. Dr. Cho looked at him in alarm, and sped after him, yelling at him to leave her patients alone.

The brown haired man and you stayed in the room, and you couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by his presence. How did you know him? You reminded yourself that Dr. Cho said you could speak, that you could say whatever you wanted, and you tried to gather the bravery to say something to him.

“I knew you.” You said to him, getting his angry expression to turn soft. “Before.”

He sat down in the chair next to you, letting out a heavy sigh. “You did.”

It stayed quiet for the next few minutes, and you desperately searched in your brain for something, anything, that would give you a hint as to who he was. 

“What do they call you?” You asked. You knew you, Leona, and Claire all had your given name, and your laboratory name. 1, 2, and 3. You were 1, Leona was 2, and Claire was 3. Did it go this way outside of the laboratory? Did everyone have two names? You could feel in your bones that being called a number wasn’t correct. 

The man tilted his head in confusion. “My name’s Bucky.” 

“Bucky.” You repeated. 

He nodded. “Do you know your name?”

This was a trick question. It had to be. You sat there, debating what to say for a second or two. Bucky didn’t seem like the guy to be asking trick questions. But you’d heard Do you know your name? too many times before disaster. You knew the other girls likely felt the same way. 

Bucky didn’t seem patient. “Do you?”

You let out an exhale, you supposed it was time to test the legitimacy of being saved after all. “Yes.”

And so you told him your name, no number, just your pure name.

Bucky relaxed, and he sat back in his seat, refusing to take his eyes off of you.

-

Steve sped as fast as he could to Leona’s room. When the door didn’t slide open at his palm, he debated slamming the door open himself.

Dr. Cho moved in front of Steve, catching her breath from running so fast. 

“Steve,” she said. “I won’t let you harass her.” 

He shot Dr. Cho daggers. “You knew that she knows what happened to my girlfriend and you decided to keep it from me? I’ll ask her myself.”

“I refuse to let you in there, Steve.” She stood her ground, and just when Steve was about to argue further, Leona’s door opened, her angrily behind it.

She had a stupid smirk on her face, though her eyes were filled with rage. “Talking about me? You know, you could’ve just knocked.”

Steve gave Dr. Cho a glare and followed Leona into her room. 

“Leona,” Dr. Cho said. “You don’t have to have visitors if you don’t want to.”

Leona scoffed, shakily getting back into her bed. “He wants to know about number 1, who am I to deny such knowledge?”

“Number 1?” Steve questioned, folding his arms across his chest. 

Leona rolled her eyes. “Your precious girl. That was her name, y’know, back in the lab.”

Before Steve could question further, Leona turned to Dr. Cho. “You can leave us, I can handle it.”

Dr. Cho reluctantly left the room, though Steve could see her silhouette waiting in the hallway. 

Leona leaned back into her pillows, reaching for her IV to plug it back in to the tube in her arm. She sighed in relief. 

“Number 1 always gets special treatment, even here. I bet they have her on the good stuff, not this crap.” She pointed to the fluid bag. 

“Don’t call her that.” Steve demanded.

Leona seemed to find joy in Steve’s fury. “We all have numbers, she’s number 1, I’m number 2, and you heard number 3 whining on the jet.”

“What do you want to know?” She baited before Steve could argue further about the numbers.

Steve lifted his chin, attempting to be as strong as he could in his stance. “What do you know about what happened to her?”

[freyjhasdesiredreality]

Keep Me Alive (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

(Credits to GIF owner)

A/N: Hello my babies! Another story, but with Bucky this time. I hope you enjoy, please tell me what you think!

WC: 1000+

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, mention of injuries, HYDRA, coma, a very sad Bucky. If any of these are triggering for you PLEASE DO NOT READ! Tell me if I missed any.

Bucky and you had never gotten along. You were constantly at each other's throats, bickering and sniping at each other every chance you got. Bucky had no idea why he disliked you so much, but he knew that every time he saw you, he wanted to scream.

Despite your animosity towards each other, you were perfect together. The synergy you got was irreplaceable. That’s why you often found yourselves on missions together. What you didn’t know, one particular mission would change everything between you.

You were on a routine mission to stop a group of HYDRA agents from stealing a dangerous tech. You were in charge of the computers, while Bucky was on the ground, expected to take out the guards. 

“Don’t let them kill me Barnes, your life is in danger too if they manage to steal this,” you said while landing the quinjet somewhere hidden.

“I won’t let them in if that’s what you mean but no promises on not letting them kill you, Y/L/N.”

You rolled your eyes and left the quinjet. You found a secret way to get in, taking out the guards one by one until you reach the core of the base. You hacked the door easily. It bothered you so much. Something inside you told you to leave immediately. 

“Be careful out there Barnes. The door unlocked so quickly. Something’s off.” 

Everything was going smoothly. You cracked the main computer and were waiting for the files to download to the USB driver that Natasha gave you earlier. That annoying feeling inside you to run suddenly started hitting stronger. You were about to call Bucky to ask if everything was okay but then the door cracked open. A group of enhanced HYDRA agents attacked you, overwhelming your defences and seriously injuring you. Bucky heard your screams and ran to your aid, but it was too late.

–

“We tried everything we could but she is not responding to medicines for now. I’m sorry but she’s in a coma,” Dr. Cho said to Steve and Bucky. 

“What do you mean she’s in a coma, when will she wake up?” Bucky yelled trying to keep his calm. 

“At this point we should talk about ‘if’, Sergeant Barnes. Not ‘when’,” Dr. Cho said. Bucky was about to lose himself but he managed to keep calm while Steve thanked Dr. Cho.

Bucky blamed himself for not being there to protect her. He stayed by her side in the hospital, refusing to leave, despite Steve's insistence that he needed to take a break. Bucky couldn't sleep or eat, constantly tortured by the thought that he had failed you.

Days turned into weeks, and you showed no signs of waking up. Bucky's guilt and grief were overwhelming. “You should talk to her,” Steve said.

“And how will I do that? What will I even say? ‘Oh Y/N, I’m really sorry, I couldn’t protect you. I really didn’t mean when I said I’ll let them kill you, I would rip them one by one if I knew because I fucking love you. Oh, by the way, don’t get me wrong. I know I’ve been a huge dick to you, that’s why I don’t know how to act around you because you make me crazy when I’m around you and-”

“I think I get it Buck,” Steve interrupted him, seeing he was about to lose himself. “Tell her exactly what you said right now about how you feel and let her know that you are there for her,” he said and left. 

Bucky was hesitant, but he knew Steve was right. He took a deep breath and began to talk. “Hey doll. I don’t know if you can hear me but I’m hoping for it. I know I’m probably the last person you would want as a company when you are lying there, like- like lifeless. I’ve been a huge dick to you, right? I never knew why I disliked you so much, until you got hurt because of me,” he took another deep breath, hoping tears in his eyes would stop, before he continued. “I’ve been in love with you since the day I laid my eyes on you. You are strong, fearless, fierce, even Nat sometimes scared of you, and fucking smart. I hate it when you are there and here I am, an ex assassin, a ruined soul and really not worthy for you. Maybe I unconsciously thought if I hated you, I would ignore this love inside me. I regret not being there to protect you. If only I could get back in time I would absolutely rip anyone who had hands on you.”

He talked to you for hours, hoping that somehow, you could hear him. He was about to stop when he felt your hand moved under his touch. He jumped up and held your hand tighter. “Doll? Are you awake, can you hear me?”

You opened your eyes painfully slowly, trying to understand what’s going on. You were groggy and confused at first, but as your memories slowly returned, you were surprised to find Bucky being beside you, holding your hand.

“B-Barnes, what’s g-” 

“Shh, it’s okay, you're safe now. You were hit pretty bad when I found you. God, you almost died, baby and I was scared that I almost lost you before you knew what I felt about you-”

“I heard you,” you interrupted him. You were struggling with speaking but you knew you had to tell what you feel before you fall asleep again. “I feel the same Bucky, I love you and I hated when you were mean so I mirrored your feelings but they weren’t my true feelings.”

For the first time in months, Bucky smiled. He kissed your hand and sat back beside you. You had a lot of things to fix in your relationship but first, you had to fully recover. But you knew that would be so easy with Bucky beside you.

It may not be perfect but it was perfect for you two.

[sycamorelibrary754]

Guardian Angel

Chapter 6: Compound Living

Summary: Your recovery continues in the Avengers Compound. You open up to Wanda about your past and have a heart-to-heart that may lead to something more for the both of you. 

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2.5k

A/N: Sorry for the delay! The next chapter of Guardian Angel will most likely be posted after the holidays. I hope you enjoy!

Guardian Angel Masterlist

You might scream if you had to stare at another Jello cup. After being stuck in the Med Bay for two weeks, you craved something sweet from the shop. You were surprised that the food wasn't better, given that Stark could have brought up filet mignon if he wanted to. You were extremely grateful that you were finally leaving the Med Bay today, even though you weren't going far.

Wanda will be here shortly to help you move into her old room in the compound. The redhead had been coming to visit you almost every day when she wasn’t at home with the boys. It was the highlight of your day when she walked through your door and brought some much-needed color and personality to your plain old Med Bay room. 

With every moment spent with Wanda, you learn something new. Her childhood and the happy memories she had of Pietro, despite their struggles growing up in war-torn Sokovia. She waxed poetically about her parents and how her father would bring home American sitcoms she fell in love with while simultaneously learning English. The Chicken Paprakish her mother lovingly prepared.

Despite all the information you had learned about her and everything she knew about you, you still felt like you were holding back. You couldn’t miss the look she gave you when Dr. Cho said she couldn’t reach your parents, but you were too scared to mention the kiss you had shared when you first woke up after the accident. You feared that Wanda would dismiss it as a mistake caused by your shared vulnerability. However, you knew you couldn't avoid it forever.

Dr. Cho and Banner walked into your room, pulling you out of your reverie. "You're good to go," remarked Dr. Cho, passing over your discharge papers and aftercare instructions. "Don't forget, your first follow-up appointment is on Friday."

“Thank you both from the bottom of my heart. I'm incredibly grateful," you said, your voice catching with emotion.

“Who's ready to bust out of this place?” Wanda exclaimed as she rolled a wheelchair into your room.

Oh, great. My driver is here," you joked, wiping your eyes before Wanda could see. "Will you ever stop treating me like a baby? I've made significant progress in my recovery thanks to the cradle.”

"Definitely not," she declared as she helped you make the move from the bed to the wheelchair.

*^~^*

"Steve, Bucky, and Sam are at your apartment grabbing your things, and Natasha should have an update from Harper at the Candy Bar any minute," Wanda said as she rolled you down the hall and into the elevator. "You just can't rest and let yourself heal, can you? You have to be a workaholic," she mumbled.

"I have never missed a day of work, not even when I had a fever of 102," you proudly declared.

Wanda sighed and remarked, "I don't think that's the badge of honor you think it is.”

"Good afternoon, Ms. Maximoff," greeted FRIDAY.

“Oh, my God!” You exclaimed. “Who is that?” If you could jump up from the wheelchair, you would have.

"Hey, take it easy, it's FRIDAY," Wanda said with a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “Tony's AI interface is seamlessly integrated into every aspect of the compound and can assist you with anything you need.”

“I notice that you have a guest, Ms. Maximoff.” FRIDAY continued.

“Yes, FRIDAY. This is Y/F/N Y/L/N. She will stay with us for a bit in my old room.”

“Welcome Ms. Y/L/N. Please let me know if you need assistance,” the AI insisted.

"Hey, Friday, it's nice to meet you, too," you said hesitantly.

"She'll be your new best friend," Wanda joked.

“Wow, Stark really can do anything,” you mused.

As the elevator stopped, FRIDAY announced your arrival in the living quarters. The doors opened, unveiling a breathtaking common area that left you momentarily speechless. It was undeniably more luxurious and inviting than your apartment.

"This is the lounge and kitchen," Wanda beckoned with a smile, guiding you through the space. "We always have some tempting late-night snacks in the fridge, and if you're craving something sweet, I can guide you to Clint's secret chocolate stash," she said playfully.

"Wow, this place is incredible," you exclaim, unable to tear your eyes away from the surroundings.

“What did you expect?” Wanda asked.

“I don’t know. You hear rumors about the Avengers Compound, but you don’t know if it’s true. Oh my god! Look at that plasma screen TV! A PS5!” Squealing like a little kid. 

“Yes,” the redhead confirmed. “When they're not working, you'll find the boys and some of the younger ones gathered around that ridiculous thing.”

“I want to play!” You declared.  

As Wanda pushed your wheelchair along, she reminded you, "Y/N, with only one good arm, we need to take it easy."

"Come on, I still want to play! I can tell them what moves to make," you urged while the redhead rolled her eyes.

Stark’s lab is down that corridor to the left, you can't miss it. He’s usually in there tinkering away at all hours of the night until Pepper comes and gets him. You can hear the clinking of metal and the occasional burst of flame coming from under the door." Wanda continues to roll you down a separate hallway, "Team bedrooms are this way.”

You passed a few doors before coming to a stop. “This is my room,” gently opening the door and pushing you inside. 

"Wow, Wanda, your bedroom is amazing," you exclaimed, taking in the awesome décor.

If you walked in a forest at first light, if you let the awakening green hues into your soul, that would be the sense that was her bedroom. There was a calmness, a serenity, a feeling of optimism. The same feelings you felt whenever she was in your presence. 

“Thank you. It’s not as fancy as some of my teammates' rooms, but I loved it,” helping you out of the wheelchair and onto the bed. “I did my best to make it my safe space. So no matter what was going on outside, no matter what happened during a mission , I could come home and find my peace of mind again.” 

“That’s beautiful, Wanda,” you said.

Natasha called out, "Knock knock" from the doorway.

“Reporting back from the Candy Bar, boss,” Nat said walking toward you.

You said, "Oh God, I'm almost afraid to ask," as you placed your hand over your eyes.

“Hey, everything is under control," Natasha reassured you as she sat on the bed. "That Harper girl has the shop running like a well-oiled machine.

"Phew, thank goodness," you exclaimed with a sigh of relief. "Do we need anything? I could place an order from here," you offered, eagerly reaching for your phone.

Wanda interrupted, saying, “Y/N, you shouldn't be working. Your number one priority should be your recovery.”

Grumbling at her response, you turned away and refocused your attention on the Black Widow.

"I gave Harper a heads-up that you were on your way. Any chance she didn't fangirl when you showed up?" You inquired.

Natasha commented, 'If remaining calm while accidentally knocking over a jar of jelly beans and spilling a kid's ice cream on the floor is being composed, then yes, she was incredibly composed.'

You ran a hand down your face, imagining your best friend's clumsiness. You said, "Thank you, Natasha. I owe you one. I have been going crazy not being there. It was a relief to have someone in there to keep an eye on the place.

"No problem, Y/N," she said, patting your leg with a comforting smile. "Oh, and one more thing," she continued, bringing her other hand out from behind your back. "I brought you back a little something." As she spoke, she held up a bag from your shop, the colorful logo catching the light. "Harper told me what you liked. The first rule of compound living is to guard your snacks, or they will be eaten by one of the boys," she chuckled, handing you the bag while sharing a knowing look.

"You're amazing! I've been craving some treats from the shop," you said, eagerly taking the bag.

I know," Natasha smirked. "The second rule of compound living is that I know everything.

Wanda confirmed, “It's true.”

"Sam burst into the room with a triumphant shout of "Delivery!" He was followed by Steve and Bucky, each balancing a stack of boxes. 

"Whoa, did you manage to pack up the whole place?" Nat teased.

“We wanted to be prepared for every eventuality,” Bucky explained. “We weren’t sure what Y/N would need.”

"Wow, I can't thank you enough, everyone," you exclaimed.

Steve eagerly declared, "Once we're done with our meeting with Maria, we'll gladly help you unpack," setting down the boxes with a reassuring smile.

Count me in," Nat declared. "We’ll see you in a bit, Y/N.”

“Bye,” you waved. 

Wanda fluffed the pillow behind your back before sitting on the bed beside you.

“Comfortable?” 

“Yes, very much so.”

“Is there anything I can get you?” 

"I'm good for now," you say with a slight yawn slipping out.

"Time for you to get some well-deserved rest," she gently said as she stood up from the bed.

"Wanda, wait," you said, gently touching her arm. 

Her gaze turned back to you, a look of curiosity on her face.

“I have something important to tell you,” you began nervously. “I'm recovering from this accident away from my family because my relationship with my parents has become strained. We've been estranged for a long time,” your eyes focused on the comforter.

Wanda's expression transformed from one of guarded reservation to one of gentle understanding as she listened to the admission. 

“My parents founded Onyx Petroleum in California in 1978. They're not exactly Tony Stark rich, but they're pretty close. Growing up, I always felt resentful towards them - they were never the kindest people in the world, and their wealth and status worsened it. But everything changed once I started researching climate change and the impact of fossil fuels. Seeing the sheer amount of pollution that Onyx Petroleum was responsible for was disgusting. And yet, despite all of this, they still don't seem to care even an iota. It's just not right.”

Wanda's reassuring touch on your thigh brings you back to the present moment, prompting you to take a deep, calming breath.

“Throughout my childhood, my parents never failed to remind me that one day, I would inherit and run the family business. When I turned 18, they presented me with a legal document that would bind me to join the company in an executive position after I finished college. The mere thought of it was enough to make me feel physically ill,” you look down at your lap as you recount the painful memory. "I remember the day I told them that I would rather live on the street than work for them," you said softly. "I had always dreamt of doing something aligned with my values and passions, and I knew working for them would compromise that. But they didn't take it well. The very next day, they cut me off and kicked me out of their lives. It was as if I had never existed to them." Your voice cracks a little as you finish your sentence and take a deep breath to steady yourself.

"Oh Y/N," she said, gently placing a hand under your chin and tilting your head up. Your eyes glistened with tears that threatened to spill over.

“I moved in with Harper,” wiping at your eyes. “I funded my college education using the savings I had accumulated over the years and pursued a degree in entrepreneurship. Upon graduation, I took a leap of faith and established the Candy Bar with Harper. It has been the saving grace of my life," you breathed out, feeling a sense of release from the burden that had been weighing you down.

Wanda didn't respond immediately. As you looked up, you saw tears shining in her eyes. "I am grateful that you trusted me enough to share all of this with me. I am so sorry that this was your reality."

“It was a long time ago. I’ve built a life and a business that I love, and I don’t think about it for the most part. But, when I heard Helen say that she couldn’t get a hold of my parents after the accident… I don’t know,” you trailed off.

I know the accident must have stirred up some painful memories for you. I understand how much courage it takes to confront such buried trauma," she said, gently placing her hands on top of yours. "You're an incredible woman, and it's truly a shame that your parents aren't here to see the amazing person you've become.

You nodded silently, then locked eyes with the captivating redhead once more. Those mesmerizing green eyes drew you in, leaving you momentarily lost in their depths.

I'm always here if you need someone to talk to about this. Or, if you're open to it, I can speak with Bucky about connecting you with Dr. Raynor. She's a fantastic therapist.

“Thank you, Wanda. Truly,” you said.

You thought the conversation was finished, but as you looked at her, you could tell she was deep in thought. “What's on your mind?”

I'm fine, really,” she insisted. “It's just that I've been feeling so guilty about what happened between us in the Med Bay. I can't shake this feeling that I took advantage of you when we were both so vulnerable at that moment.”

Thank goodness you spoke up!" you cried out, relief washing over you. “I've been wanting to talk about this for ages, but I was afraid you might think it was just a spur-of-the-moment thing and dismiss it," you rambled on. "And then I started to worry that maybe you didn't bring it up because you regretted it, and I didn't know what to think...”

Wanda silenced you with a finger to your lips. "Shhh.

You were unaware of the fact that you had run out of breath.

"Y/N, I have to tell you something. I've never felt this way about anyone since Vision, and it's both exhilarating and terrifying. From the second I laid eyes on you in that cafe, you've been on my mind constantly. And then, when I saw you in that car..." Her voice trailed off as she struggled to hold back tears.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about you either," you reassured her. "When I woke up in the Med Bay and saw you there," reaching up to gently stroke Wanda's cheek, "I knew everything was going to be okay.

Wanda gazed deeply into your eyes as she leaned into the warmth of your palm.

“It wasn’t a mistake, Wanda.”

“No, it wasn’t.” 

As she leaned forward, you could feel your heart racing with anticipation. Suddenly, her lips met yours again for the second time. It was a soft and tender kiss at first, but then you felt Wanda's hands gently cup your face, pulling you closer to her. You could sense a deepening urgency in her touch as her lips moved against yours with a newfound passion. In that moment, you forgot about everything else - your worries, fears, past, and future. All that mattered was the intimate moment you were sharing with Wanda. When you finally broke the kiss, your eyes met, and you both knew that you had found something special in each other.

*^~^*

After their meeting, Steve, Bucky, and Sam kept their promise and returned to help you unpack. When Steve knocked on your door, there was no answer. Upon slowly opening the door, he discovered you were asleep on the bed. Your good arm was wrapped around Wanda, who was peacefully dozing while snuggling up against your chest.

Sam hesitated momentarily, asking, 'Do you think we should wake them?'

"No, let them sleep. We can start unpacking the boxes," Steve proposed.

You awaken a few hours later, the warm afternoon sun casting a gentle glow on your face. Beside you, Wanda begins to rouse from her slumber.

"Hey there," you whispered, the weariness evident in your voice.

"Hi," Wanda said while stretching and looking up at you.

"I think we must have dozed off," you murmured.

"It's already lunchtime and you need to eat something. Let me grab you some food," she said as she glanced at her watch.

"I'm coming with you. I've had enough of being stuck inside all the time," you declared.

As the two of you sat up in bed, your eyes widened in surprise as you took in the state of the room around you. You couldn't help but notice that all your belongings had been carefully unpacked and placed in their proper places, giving the space a neat and organized feel. The room was adorned with delicate fairy lights that cast a warm, inviting glow around the space, while a beautiful bouquet of flowers sat proudly on the coffee table, adding a touch of elegance and charm to the overall decor. It was evident that someone had taken great care and effort in decorating the room, and you couldn't help but feel grateful and touched by the thoughtful gesture.

“Um, can FRIDAY unpack boxes?” you asked

Wanda smirked and said, "I don't think she can." Then she added, "In case it isn't obvious, I think the team likes you too, Y/N."

You found yourself completely astounded, uttering, "Wow."

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Lightning Bug - Chapter 19

Master List

Warning: fluff, like a lot of fluff, mention of past trauma, touch deprivation 

Word count: 4.9k 

You weren’t in your room, that much you knew but opening your eyes to look around was a feat in itself. Everything felt heavy. You gathered your remaining strength and opened your eyes. Big mistake. The lights were far too bright and it caused your head to throb. Immediately, shutting them again and a small whimper left your lips. A voice said your name. You tried to determine who it was but your head hurt too much. They said it again. This time you slowly opened your eyes and turned your head slightly towards the voice. It was Helen, so you must be in med bay. “What happened?” You asked. Your throat was killing you and you had no memory of what occurred. 

“You're in med bay,” she said. “Does anything hurt?”

“Just my head,” you winced as you sat up. 

“That is to be expected,” she handed you a cup of water. You downed the entire thing. “Do you have any memory of what happened?” You thought about it. It was like someone went in and erased part of your memory. “You had an attack, fell, and hit your head on your nightstand. You’ve been unconscious for a little over 2 days.” 2 days?! That was a first. “We are saying you had a seizure but we both know that’s not true,” she sat in the empty chair next to you. You heard voices in the hallway. 

“Do they know?” She nodded her head. You looked down at your uncovered hands. “I’m so afraid of myself, Dr. Cho.” You admitted. There was so much blood on your hands. 

“Are you afraid because people told you to be afraid and corrupted the viewpoint you have of yourself?” You didn’t respond. “Bruce was afraid of the Hulk. America and Wanda feared their powers and I can guess that Natasha feared the person the Red Room tried to create. You live with a group of people who understand that fear but you need to let them in and allow them to shoulder that fear with you,” you saw her glance at your hands. “How long has it been since someone friendly touched your skin?”

“Too long,” you whispered, tears pooling at the corner of your eyes. The only person that was never afraid of you was your brother. “Is Natasha here?” You vaguely remember her saying she had to leave for a mission with Wanda. Helen nodded. “Can you get her me? I’d leave to speak with her alone.” You watched Helen leave your room and close the door. With a sigh, you looked up at the ceiling. A weird feeling began to form in your stomach. It wasn’t jealousy or the tingling feeling you felt when your powers needed to be released. You pinpointed the feeling to nervousness. 

It felt like a lifetime ago when you made a bucket list and on your list was to hug Natasha. You wondered how her hands would feel against yours or her arms around you as she hugged you. Would she even hug you or would she turn you away?

That feeling began to grow. It made your body warm up and a small smile formed on your lips. For the first time in a long time, you felt okay. 

*

The door closing caused Natasha to look up and the conversation stopped. The Black Widow wasn’t sure what Kate, Yelena, and America were talking about, to focused on the door in front of her. “Are her vitals still good?” Natasha asked the doctor. She was becoming concerned about how long it’s been. Helen smiled.   

“Great actually,” she said. “She’s awake and wants to talk to you, alone,” she looked at the Black Widow. 

“Me?” She questioned. Helen nodded. 

“I’ll give you some space and I’ll come back to check on her later.” Natasha sighed, looking at the door that separated her and the young girl. 

“Why do you think she only wants to talk to me?” She asked her girlfriend. 

“Just don’t sit there and go find out,” Yelena said, pushing on her back. Natasha rolled her eyes and stood up. She felt Wanda squeeze her hand before she walked over to the door. Letting out a shaky breath and trying to push down her nervousness, she opened the door. The door closing behind her caused the teen to look up. 

“Hi Nat,” she whispered. Her voice was so soft. No matter how many times Natasha looked into her eyes the color took her breath away. But she was so glad to see them because it meant she was okay. They looked different somehow as she made her way to the chair she sat in for the past 2 days. “I’m sorry you and Wanda got pulled from your mission,” the teen continued. 

“Don’t apologize. Your health and well-being are far more important. Besides I would rather be here than kissing some politician’s ass,” Natasha expected her to smile instead she frowned. 

“This is still new to me,” she said. “The idea that people generally care about me. For my entire life,” she hit the bed. “I’ve been hurt by people that shouldn’t have hurt me and I’ve been called horrible names because of something I was born with. I was a freak, a monster, and an abomination,” her voice creaked and Natasha saw her eyes swell with tears but they didn’t fall. “I’ve learned to fear myself because of what others called me and forced me to do,” she looked at Natasha and the sight was breaking the Black Widow’s heart. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I’d like to try to open up to all of you and tell you what happened to me.” 

“Whenever you're ready we’ll listen.”

“I don’t want to be afraid anymore,” she repeated and raised her hand to Natasha. The teen nodded, a sign to tell it was okay. Natasha felt her stomach drop as she whipped her hand on her pant leg and raised her own. Green eyes locked onto blue to try to find any second guessing but Natasha saw none. So connected their hands. She was surprised at how soft they were, a little dry from years of being covered. The teen gasped and Natasha tried to pull her hand back but she held it tighter. Tears started to fall down her face. “It’s been so long,” she whispered. “So long since hands that won’t hurt me have touched my skin,” she was staring at their connected hands. Finally, she looked up. “Can -?” She cleared her throat. “Can I have a hug?” 

“Of course,” Natasha tried to keep her voice steady as she didn’t want to sound too excited. This was something she’s been wanting for so long. She stood up and sat on the edge of the hospital bed, opening her arms. There was some understandable hesitation but Natasha wanted her to make the first move. Soon the teen hugged the Black Widow. She waited for her to get used to the feeling before wrapping her arms around her. Y/n tensed up and Natasha feared she did something to trigger the young girl but she relaxed. Natasha adjusted her position on the bed as she felt tears stain her shirt. The girl’s whole body was shaking. “Sh molniyenosnyy zhuk (lightning bug),” Natasha whispered. “You're safe. I got you.” She kissed the top of her head. The small action and statement caused a sob to escape her and Natasha held her tighter. 

*

All of your senses were consumed by the Black Widow and it was overwhelming. You wondered if she could feel how fast your heart was beating but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. When Natasha touched your hand, her skin was warm against yours. Her hand was rough due to years of training and her fingers had calluses on them. She didn’t hesitate when you asked for a hug and you never felt more safe than in her arms. Her hands rubbed soothing circles on your back. The last time you were held like this was with your brother and that was so long ago. Natasha moved slightly and her hand left her back. You couldn’t help the whine that left your lips. “Sh, milyy (sweetie), I’m not going anywhere.” You heard footsteps approaching you. Glancing, you saw it was Wanda. 

“Hi,” she said. “I just wanted to make sure you are okay. I can leave if you want.” You ended the hug with Natasha, missing her warmth immediately. 

“I’m okay,” you said. “I want you to stay,” you looked at Wanda’s hands. How would they compare to Natasha’s? You mirrored the same action with Natasha and held out your hand. Unlike her girlfriend, Wanda didn’t hesitate to take your hand. “Your hand is so soft!” It was true. The witch had no calluses on her fingers. Wanda giggled at your blunt comment, and your cheeks blushed. 

“I use a good moisturizer,” she smiled. Wanda let her hand so they were palm to palm, comparing the size difference. Once you were done, you instinctively rested your head on Natasha’s shoulder. “Are you up for more visitors?” She asked. You nodded and Wanda walked back to the door. 

“Molniyenosnyy zhuk,” you said. “What’s that mean?” You looked up at her and she was smiling. She said it a few more times for you to get it right. 

“It means a lightning bug,” her smile grew. “Do you know how lightning bugs glow?” You shook your head. “When I was about your age, Yelena and I were in the backyard with our mom and she told us they can convert chemical energy into the glowing light we see called bioluminescence,” she explained. 

“Kind of like me,” she nodded. 

“Yes, exactly like you,” Natasha tapped you on the nose causing you to scrunch it. “So you are a molniyenosnyy zhuk.” You liked it. It was the first time you’ve had a nickname. Smiling, you burrowed your head into Natasha’s side. She smelt like vanilla and you wondered if it was from her perfume or Wanda’s. The sound of the door opening caused you to sit up a little. It was Yelena, Kate, and America. You smiled at the sight of your friends. 

“Gave us quite a scare,” Yelena teased, making your cheeks blush and offering her a shy smile. You let Natasha move away and allowed the trio to come closer. 

“Sorry about that,” you said, scratching the back of your head. “That attack,” you still weren’t sure what to call it. “Took me by surprise.” 

“Could you tell when they would come?” Wanda asked. You nodded. It felt weird talking about it. This was a secret you kept close to your heart because you were forced to. 

“It starts with a tingle in my palms,” you told them. “It doesn’t happen all the time only if there is a lot of energy or my emotions are all over the place,” you sighed, looking down at your hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen,” you said honestly. 

“It’s okay bud,” Kate smiled. “We are just glad you are okay.” You were glad too because if you weren’t you wouldn't be able to get a hug from Natasha or feel Wanda’s hands. You raised your hands to Kate and Yelena. The couple stole a glance at each other before connecting their hands with yours. It was a strange contrast. Yelena’s hand was cold but you couldn’t tell if it was from her rings or she was just normally cold. Her hands were smooth, unlike her sisters. Now for Kate’s hand, it was warm and her hands were rough from using her bow. You let go of their hands. 

“Thank you for trusting me,” you told them. “Not many people do.” 

“Trust is a two-way street,” Yelena said. “So thank you for trusting us.” You looked at America, who was oddly quiet. You could feel her nervous energy radiating off of her as you raised her hand. But she didn’t take it. 

“Are you sure?” She asked instead. You squint your eyes, tilting your head at her question. “Do you remember the last time we were together?” Of course, you did. You were so scared that she was going to hate you or everyone was going to be mad. But they weren’t. 

“I do,” you smiled. “But I’m done being afraid. You're my best friend.” Her eyes widened at your concession and soon she took your hand. It was hard to describe the feeling of her hand in yours. It felt right. You felt your face heat up and quickly let go of her hand, not missing the smirks on Natasha and Wanda’s faces. “So,” you said, whipping her hands on the blanket. They felt very sweaty all of a sudden. “Fill me in on everything I’ve missed.” 

*

“Knock, knock,” the laughter stopped as the door opened and you saw Pepper and Tony walk in. “Are you up for two more visitors?” 

“Yeah!” You said but you were distracted by the table that Tony wheeled in with a blanket covering a tower-like structure. 

“What’s that?” Kate asked. 

“A little surprise for the kid,” Tony smiled at you. “But we have to wait for Bruce  so please continue this cute family moment.” Wanda waved her hand and two chairs appeared for Tony and Pepper. You were amazed by her powers, a little jealous of the things she could do with them. The conversation continued as stories were passed around. Tony and Natasha went back and forth telling the story of Natasha’s undercover work in Stark Industries. Her fighting Happy in the boxing ring sent you into a fit of giggles. Your laughter continued as Yelena told stories about her and Natasha’s father. It was nice to sit and laugh with them. You felt normal.   

“I thought I had a two-person visiting policy,” Helen teased, walking into your room. 

“To be fair that rule was only when I was unconscious,” you smiled. The doctor glared but you saw no real threat in it. 

“You're worse than Natasha,” the Black Widow gasped, clutching her chest. 

“I’m a perfect patient, thank you very much,” Helen rolled her eyes as the group erupted into laughter. She started to check on your vitals and the tablet Tony was holding began to ring. 

“Hey Big Green,” Tony answered. “Say hello to the star of the hour,” he turned the tablet around. You saw Bruce standing in a lab you didn’t recognize. 

“Glad to see you are okay,” he smiled. 

“Hi Bruce,” you waved at the doctor. Your eyes went back to the covered object as everyone said their hellos. “So,” you said, slowly. “Can I see what’s under the blanket?” Tony laughed. 

“I’m calling it the Stark Recharge,” the billionaire said, handing the tablet to Pepper and taking off the blanket. There was a big red target connected to a metal coil spring. At the end of the spring was a box with 4 batteries. Each batter had a meter to monitor their charge. 

 “What is it?” America asked. 

“It kind of looks like a cell tower,” Yelena said, with her head tilted. You giggled. 

“Cho said it’s important to use your powers,” you looked at the doctor, who was nodding her head. “This is a safe and controlled way for you to use them,” Brue said. 

“You hit this target with your powers and the electricity you produce charges these batteries,” Tony explained. “These batteries will be sent to homeless centers and countries that need them.”

“It’s so you can relearn that your powers aren’t something to be afraid of,” Pepper added. You looked at the CEO. “That when applied correctly they can do some good.” Have you ever used your powers for good? Your parents never wanted you to use them unless it was a way to benefit them which turned into being at the church for long hours to power it. With HYDRA, there were no good moments just pain, torture, and bloodshed. All of your life, your powers were used to break the law and cause so much pain. 

“Can I try it?” You asked the group. Natasha looked at Helen for her final say. 

“Yes,” she finally said after some thought. “Just don’t overdo it.” She took off the ekgs and the clear tube around your nose. With the help of Wanda, you got out of bed. The ground was cold on your bare feet as you stood in front of the machine. 

“So I just aim for the target,” Tony nodded. “And if I miss?” You questioned. 

“Then you miss and hit the wall,” he shrugged. “Walls are easy to fix.” You nodded, shaking out your legs and arms. 

“It’s been a while since I’ve used them. You might want to stand back.” But they didn’t move. They trusted you so you just had to trust yourself. You sighed, closing your eyes. It was so strange how a few harsh words and punishments could change your perspective on yourself. There was a time you liked the stuff you could do. You were like a superhero in the books you read. You let out a shaky breath, steadying the beat of your heart. Then you focused on their heartbeat, the energy they were creating, and the electricity in the room. It was strong and steady and for a very long time since you weren’t afraid. Your fingers began to move, mimicking the way a pianist played the piano. You felt your fingers and hands tingle. You looked at your hand and watched the electricity dance around your fingers. Smiling, you extended your arm, and the stream of electricity left and traveled toward the machine. A direct hit on the target and the batteries began to fill. When they were at 100%, you cut off the stream. Your chest was heaving, not used to using your powers. 

“How do you feel, molniyenosnyy zhuk (lightning bug)?” You looked at the Black Widow. 

“Good,” you said honestly. “Like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I can breathe easily again.” 

*

Helen cleared you that evening. After a shower and a quick dinner, you found yourself on the couch laying on Kate’s stomach as she flipped through the streaming services to find a movie. It was so different from cuddling with her over a blanket. You could feel the warmth she radiated off and sometimes she could run her fingers through your hair. “Are you stealing my girlfriend?” Yelena asked, sitting by your feet. “Can I pet your legs on my lap?” You nodded and she lifted your legs.  

“I’m not stealing her,” you smiled. “Just burrowing her.” You felt Kate’s laughter rumble through her. 

“We can cuddle anytime,” she said. “Alright, when I’m not cuddling Lena.” She added on quickly. The blonde’s cheek turned a light pink which caused you to giggle. 

“What are you watching?” America asked, climbing over the couch to sit next to Kate. She had a bowl of popcorn and you took some from her. 

“No clue,” Kate said, throwing the remote at Yelena. “Pick something.” The Russian rolled her eyes. “Oh I’m about to lose my cuddle buddy in 3,2, and 1,” Kate mumbled as Wanda and Natasha sat on the other side of the couch. Your body tensed up as you stared at the couple but you didn’t move. “Go on,’ Kate said. You looked up at the archer. 

“Are you sure?” You asked. Kate nodded with a smile. You sat up and walked over to the couple, fidgeting with your hands. 

“Can I sit with you guys?” You asked, pointing to the space between them. 

“Pop a squat, squirt,” Natasha said, moving over slightly. You sat down, resting your head on Natasha’s shoulder. 

“I’m putting on the Greatest Showman,” Yelena said. “Any objections? No. Perfect.” You didn’t care what you watched, perfectly content with being right here. 

*

  It wasn’t long before Natasha noticed the teen falling asleep against her. “Do you want to go to bed?” Natasha whispered. She shook her head, instead, she moved closer to Natahsa and rested her head on her chest. Wanda maneuvered the girl’s legs across her lap. A small smile formed on her face. 

“Can I see your magic?” She asked the witch, keeping her voice too low to not disturb the movie. Wanda nodded and her fingers began to glow. To Natasha’s surprise, the girl raised her hand and the flow moved from Wanda’s fingers to her own. “It feels alive,” she whispered. “Like a small heartbeat.” She connected their hands and the red glow was put out. Natasha saw tears forming in her girlfriend’s eyes. “I like it,” she closed her eyes. Soon her breathing evened out and she was asleep, still holding on tightly to Wanda’s hand. 

“Are you okay?” Natasha asked, putting her hand on the back of Wanda’s neck and playing with the baby's hair. 

“Yeah,” she whispered, looking at their connected hands. “I’m great.” 

*

“So where is this ring from?” You asked, holding onto Yelena’s hand and looking at the rings. You and the blonde were tasked with breakfast duty. It was probably easier to order and have Happy pick it up but you wanted to see Annie and get a hug from her. Yelena looked at the ring you asked about. 

“It’s a handle of a spoon made into a ring,” she said, taking it off and handing it to you. It was a very unique design and it was impressive that it was a spoon. “One of the Widows we saved opened up a small business to sell them.” 

“It’s beautiful,” you handed it back to her. “I think I want some rings. But I don’t think it’s a good idea to wear them. You know with the whole ability to produce electricity,” Yelena chuckled, allowing you to take her hand again. 

“How does it feel to have everyone know?” She asked. You tilted your head as you thought about it. You haven’t had much time to think about it. It was weird, and bizarre to have a group of people know what you could do and not blink an eye. They acted like nothing changed. 

“Kind of weird,” you admitted. “I guess it’s another thing I have to get used to.” Yelena opened the door to the cafe. The familiar bell announced your presence in the busy cafe. Annie looked up and she smiled when she saw you. She spun around to talk to someone but you weren’t close enough to hear what she said. Annie left the counter and a young girl took her place. “Did you hire someone?” You asked as she walked over to you. 

“We did,” she led you over to her office. “We’ve been busy and we needed extra help.” She opened the door and ushered you in. “How are you, sugar?” She asked as the door closed behind you. “They told me you were hurt.” You looked at the Russian, unaware that Annie was informed. She shrugged. 

“She’s important to you so she’s a part of this family,” you smiled. 

“I’m good actually. The best I’ve been.”

“That’s great!” She excitedly said. “I’m so happy for you.” It was now or never you thought, playing with the bottom of your shirt. 

“We came here for more than just food,” she tilted her head. “Can I have a hug?” You asked. The surprise on her face made you smile. For as long known as the Breaux, they knew your fear of touching others. “I don’t think I’ve ever said thank you to you and Paul,” you said, trying to look anywhere besides the woman in front of you. “You saved my life so thank you.”

“Oh sweetheart, come here,” she held out her arms. Without hesitation, you hugged her. Her arms wrapped around you. She was warm and smelt like cinnamon, sugar, and coffee. It smelt like home. 

*

“You wanted to speak with us,” Natasha said, sitting down in the empty chairs in front of Helen’s desk with Wanda. FRIDAY notified the couple that the doctor wanted to speak with them. It filled Natasha with unnecessary anxiety. 

“It’s nothing bad,” she told them, closing a file. “How much do you know about touch deprivation?” 

“It occurs when some doesn’t get as much or any physical touch,” Wanda said. Helen nodded. 

“It’s just physical touch but any emotional interaction. A person may feel isolated or experience symptoms of depression,” the doctor explained. 

“You think Y/n is touch deprived.” Natasha guessed where this conversation was headed. 

“Yes. She admitted to not having her skin touched positively for a long time. Skin-to-skin contact is not only for mental and emotional health but physical health, too,” she leaned forward, head resting on her hands. “I love that she’s opening up to all of you and allowing herself that level of comfort but I wanted to go over some things with you.”

“Of course,” Natasha said. “We’ll do anything to help her.” So Helen began to explain ways to help. Give her plenty of positive touch and never associate touch with negativity like pinching or pushing her away. 

“Set boundaries with her and don’t be worried if she regresses to younger behaviors. Her entire life she’s been denied a safe place to receive love, now she has it.” 

“Do you think having her speak with someone could help?” Natasha suggested. She remembered Sam saying he could find someone to talk to. Helen thought for a moment. 

“I think it could do her some good but I wouldn’t spring it onto her now,” she said. “It took a while for her to trust you and she hasn’t fully opened up yet. Give her time to adjust to this new normal.” 

*

You were playing thumb war with Sam on the common floor when the elevator opened. A glance over and you saw Wanda and Natasha. “Ah I won,” Sam said, pinning your thumb with his. You stuck your tongue out at him. 

“Breakfast is from Annie’s,” you told the couple as they walked over to the kitchen. The tower was quiet. America was at the Sanctum, Yelena, Tony, and Maria was in Overwatch, and Kate was working on more trick arrows in the lab. You swung your legs as they made their plate. 

“Have you eaten?” Wanda asked. 

“This girl can eat,” Sam teased, rustling your hair. You pushed his hand away. “Is Helen free?” Natasha nodded. “I’ll see you guys later.” It was not you three alone. 

“Why were you with Helen?” You asked, sipping on your orange juice. 

“She just wanted to go over some stuff about you and your recovery that we can help you with,” you gave her a questioning look. Natasha sighed, taking a small bite of her food. “Do you know about touch deprivation?” She asked. You nodded, crossing your arms. Sometimes you would feel your arms tingle when you watch those around you embrace. An ache in your chest would grow and you knew it was loneliness.” 

“Helen thinks I’m touch deprived,” you said, not able to look at them. The soft hand of Wanda touched your arm. “Natasha was my first hug in 9 years,” you admitted. “Before that, I would get a hug from my brother when my parents weren’t around.” You finally looked up. “I’m sorry I’m so messed up.” You tried to joke to lighten the mood. 

“Sweetheart, you’ve been through a lot of your age,” Natasha said. “We all have baggage that we carry.”

“But now you don’t have to do it alone,” Wanda added. 

“So, you don’t mind that I want to cuddle with you.” It was a fear that was bubbling inside of you. They were only doing this to be nice. 

“Not at all,” Natasha smiled. “And if we can’t or we’re busy we’ll tell you, okay?” You nodded, smiling. 

“I hugged Annie today,” you told them. “It was nice.” 

“I’m proud of you, dorogoy (sweetheart),” you smiled at her praise. “So what’s your plan for today?” You shrugged. You haven’t thought about that. You haven’t read in a while or practiced your Russian but those activities seemed like a lot of work still. So, you were just going to hang around the tower and you told the couple that. “Do you want to hang out with us?” 

“Yes!” You said without any hesitation. “I mean, yes sure sounds good.” Your cheeks flushed at your excitement. Natasha chuckled. 

“That was cute,” your cheeks flushed a deeper pink. “We’ll show you some of our favorite spots in the city. We’ll clean this up and we’ll head out. Do you need anything from your room?” You nodded, waiting to grab your phone. “Perfect! We’ll meet you up there.” You jumped off your seat and took the stairs to your floor. On your nightstand, the yellow rubber gloves were there. You picked them up and sat down on your bed. For the longest time, the gloves were the only thing in your life that was constant. Every morning, afternoon, and night they were there to cover your hands and offered you a sense of protection and safety. 

“Hey,” you looked up at Natasha. “Are you okay?” She asked, leaning against your doorway. 

“Yeah,” you said, hitting the gloves against your hands. “Just thinking,” you put your phone into your pocket and walked into the kitchen. With one final look at the gloves, you threw them away. It was time to move forward and not let fear control your future.  

- 

Taglist:   @aestruvx, @toouncreativeforausername, @modedddd, @julilamoment, @mythixmagic, @yourmamacom, @vicmc624, @cherlenovix, @liliesandrosies, @whitewidowsbite, @clintsbigtoe,   @blackbirdv98   @arualdcg  @yoyo-w​  @natbelovasblog

[themotherofhorses]

figures dancing gracefully (across my memory)

— simon "ghost" riley x oc!silentdove reyes.

setting: call of duty x marvel cinematic universe

summary: she’s much too damn young to be handling all of this trauma, this . . . baggage. everyone says that when they first meet her; nevertheless, Dove persists.

warnings: explicit language and mentions of previously experienced abuse (per the Red Room theme).

note: in conjunction with this specific post. the RedBack has been a personal OC WIP of mine for maybe four(ish) years. despite being an obvious OC-insert series, everyone is welcome to enjoy it.

It is snowing again. For the fifth night in a row. 

SilentDove tells herself that is why she cannot—for the ever life of her—find the comfort of sleep tonight; instead, she opts for a nice hot drink on the couch. Mint hot chocolate, to be exact, topped with four puffy white marshmallows. It tastes especially good with that particular combination. Natasha picked up a new packet of them the last time she went grocery shopping, saying something along the lines of how ‘every safe house needs to be well-stocked with good snacks!’

The black cat mug is cute too.

The truth is she cannot sleep — no matter how hard she tries, how absolutely fucking desperate she feels, or how many of those tiny blue melatonin pills she pops in her mouth. Nothing helps. God, it fucking sucks. 

Whenever she closes her eyes, the memory resurfaces. Empty, sometimes blurry, fuzzy, loud, absolutely unbearable, but at most times very specific childhood memories. 

Ballet. 

Schooling. 

Harsh, overwhelming, hardhearted training — the sort where you snap a poor sister’s neck within the first few hours of the morning before sinking to your feet to tend to an (almost) fractured ankle in the evening, swollen and bruised and agonizing to step on. Or sit at a school desk, dressed in a freshly-steamed schoolgirl uniform, forced to recite some classic Disney movie word-for-word….or until you are told to stop. 

(It is hell on Earth, hidden in Russia.) 

“Again.” 

She can still hear the coach, voice tinny, instructing them to repeat the dance. Again. Again. Again. That is perhaps one of the worst memories, in her opinion. Somewhere in the middle, or maybe towards the end, a dancer messed up and he noticed. That is not good, child, nor it is allowed to happen. Seated on the pretty polished floors are the baby spiders —the мал��нькие пауoки—watching every detail with big and hungry eyes.

No, the маленькие пауoки must never be introduced to such sloppiness, not at this age.

The Bolshoi Theatre demands only the finest ballerinas — girls that are light on their toes, beautiful in their face, with potential for stardom.

Dove takes another sip of her hot chocolate while remembering . . . remembering . . . remembering . . . dancing, dancing, dancing, again and again; all while ignoring the terrible ache burning through her poor feet, flaring up near the bone of her big toe before shooting up to her ankle, and the large soldier fixated near the door. 

(The thing about the soldier was that he never made a sound. Precise strikes, fatal slashes, heavy exhalation through his ebony mask he always wore, but never a sound from his mouth . . . if he even had one.)

From where she is hunkered down in her father’s ranchhouse, propped up against comfy pillows, she flattens both legs before gazing down at her feet. A beat. Then she curls her toes before wiggling them. Her nose scrunches. They’re horribly disfigured and knobby — and ugly if she is honest with herself. 

Bless her soul, Natasha had given her some of that fancy, high-tech medical cream (courtesy of Dr. Helen Cho); a week later, her toes are slowly beginning to appear better. Or, maybe, just normal, like how a young woman’s foot is supposed to look.

Her toenails are painted a soft white, much like the snow blanketing the Montanan plains; it makes her smile a little (she once heard that the color “white” represents a mix of purity, cleanliness, and freshness. Rebirth, the fourth word might’ve been. Well, that and the nail polish was displayed too prettily at the store to overlook, discounted too, and never before had she the privilege of painting her nails).

Dove wiggles her big toe again; beneath it, along the stretch of her right foot, is a long stripe of scar tissue. As much as she dreams, it will never fade away, regardless of the scrubbing in the shower or pretending it does not exist or using those fancy Stark creams.

One of the many scars from the Red Room.

She’s much too damn young to be handling all of this trauma, this . . . baggage. Everyone says that when they first meet her; nevertheless, Dove persists. Natasha knows that certain feeling all too well, and Yelena too. They are in the same busted-up boat, drifting down the same river.

However, the therapy sessions they both suggested are good — incredible, even; they allow her to voice her most inner and brutal thoughts while patching together bits and pieces of a long-forgotten identity. She was a ballerina, Dove tells herself; she had to have been one — there was the Nutcracker, Swan Lake, and A Midsummer’s Night Dreams. 

Her pointe shoes were a pretty pastel blue, the sort of color belonging to the summertime sky, while her favorite leotard was a deep navy. Natasha wore the same during her time there, she thinks. And Yelena, too. Maybe even their mother, Melina.

(Melina cycled through the Red Room four times — Dove couldn’t even imagine how that could’ve felt.) 

The two women are her family. 

Family. Such a . . . distant concept to Dove. She glances down at her feet again, sighing. Sometimes . . . Dove slips up and calls Natasha “momma” . . . and sometimes . . . Natasha will call her “my sweet маленький пауoк” in return; she’ll then remind her that she’s not alone. Not anymore. It is okay to weep…to scream and shout, and to come to her if need be.

Silence is no longer necessary.

Is it, though? Dove was born silent. At times, that is all she is capable of feeling. 

But, alas, it still makes Dove feel a bit better, even if the conversations consist of recycled words. She is not alone, not anymore. There is no more slipping stale bread for breakfast, no more being handcuffed to the bed, and no more being disciplined for sneezing a little too loudly.

No more being considered a weapon with a face — capable of nothing more but murder. Natasha is her family now, and maybe even Clint Barton and Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson too. 

Her hot chocolate is cold now — the marshmallows look kinda weird now, too, like drowned little white bodies, nothing like how they appear in those silly Hollywood movies. But drinking it makes her feel happier, a lot lighter, sleepier, and safer. Sometimes, Dove wonders if a different childhood may have had more steaming mugs of hot chocolate with all those different flavors Yelena once told her about.

(She had seen them in some grocery store in Manchester, England — an entire aisle jam-packed with hundreds of colorful flavors. It smelled good, too, Yelena had said.)

Melina claims she did not have a childhood.

Oh, but she did. 

It was sitting before computers, watching Russian propaganda before sipping on a random juice box (grape-flavored most of the time). It was hours upon hours of constant ballet practice, perfecting all those turns and leaps. It was standing before human-shaped shooting targets, a red hourglass centered in the middle where the human lungs exist.

It was the massive soldier in the backroom—the one with the two long, dark braids—teaching the widows how to place their victims in a tight headlock before demonstrating the move on them, snapping their tiny, skinny necks in one quick motion. Or how to silence a person with a blow to the kidney.

“Hey.”

“Hi, Nattie.”

“How are you feeling tonight?”

“Fine, I guess.”

“. . . Nightmares?”

Dove pauses. “Nah. It’s snowing over here; there is something therapeutic about watching it and—”

Natasha cuts her off. “Doesn’t work on me, kid. You should know that,” and there is a beat of silence, and Dove can already see the sad smile tugging at her lips, “—so, was it nightmares again?” 

“No. Not this time. Memories…of Dreykov, y’know, and the ballet and—” she takes a small sip of her cold drink, “—and just anything I can remember, really.  Sometimes, it is gun practice, something it’s combat. I’m getting better, actually, thanks to Bruce and Helen. It’s still kind of hazy, but now I can make out things. People. Places. Objects. Y’know, all that shit. I just can’t sleep because of it.” She places the phone on the coffee table before leaning back and inhaling deeply. “M’fine, Nat, really. Y’know, it is all part of the recovery process.”

"Yeah. No, yeah, I get it. But hey, just remember, I'm here. I know you have your therapy sessions, and I know it helps to some degree, but all that shit? I know it firsthand. Everything you've been through, Yelena and I have too, so you're not alone. Not in this lifetime anymore.” 

She smiles. It is times like this that SilentDove hates when she took assignments that sent her on the other side of the world. “Thanks. How’s it over there?” 

“Boring. Humid as fuck, and Clint is such a loud snorer. Hey, make sure all the doors are locked before you go to bed.”

Like clockwork, of course. 

“I will. Talk to you tomorrow?”

“Sure, kid. Get some rest. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

The call soon cuts after that, and Dove is left to her thoughts again. Her dark eyes drift across the living room, studying every little detail before her — from her grandmother's star blanket to the pretty picture of her mother hung above the fireplace.

She hums. There are ghosts in this house.

Ghosts.

Her own ghosts.

Oddly enough, that thought doesn't bother Dove at all. She’s always liked the idea of ghosts.