#mf does look like justin bieber

[onedayimgonnasnap]

Court Of Darkness Slander

He didn’t do anything but- I’ve been holding the urge to not bully him for a fucking month now everytime he pops up on screen.

Bro looks like he uses the Pythagorean theorem to solve puzzles.

Bro looks like he can’t take a joke without going; “Actually 🤓🤓☝️”

Goofy ass voice. Bro giggles like someone was holding his nose, he sounds sick all the time.

He says scrumptious everytime he eats his dry ass chicken after a long day.

Bro is the only non toxic mf in the whole family and they still don’t pay him any attention and the only time his own momma be paying attention to him is for a scheme.

Bro would apologize to me if he saw this post with tears in his eyes like he did something wrong.

Look at bros earrings- IT LOOKS LIKE A CLIP ON-

Bro kinda built like an Edgar from school; “No quema cuh”

Look at his goofy ass hair, it built like Light Yagami, Shane Dawson or Justin Bieber.

That’s why the Avari brothers be a whole ass boy band.

Bro walks like Coralines dad, he has his whole ass neck out when he walks.

Bro would correct you on a math problem and when he corrected you it was actually wrong when the teacher corrects you so he unintentionally set you up for failure.

He looks like he’d be good at roller skating and bad at ice skating

He looks like he would go to school on a scooter and park it outside of a bush just for it to be stolen.

Bro can’t even put on a jacket correctly bitch always has one arm out.

How tf does Aquia have a route after Assper?

He looks like he’s allergic to sunlight and carrots

He looks like he’d say sorry after being sick

He looks like he’d try to change his whole personality to get along with Guy but Guy still doesn’t hang out with him.

He looks goofy asf “OH OH OH I KNOW YOU LOVE ME-“

Bro would call you a silly goose.

He would say “teehee”

He has a high pitched sneeze.

His head is built like an AirPod.

His nose is built like an obtuse triangle

Bro is an angle

I can’t explain why, but he knows everything about the Kratt brothers

He would start yelling and crying is Guy called them the “Crap Brothers”

He’s a theater kid

He’s the family therapist

He would start yelling and screaming and throwing shit if I made one mean comment about Guy

He looks like he would cry in that one Disney film “the ugly duckling”

He looks like that one post of the lady who thought she was worshiping Buda but it was actually a shrek statue

He looks like he thinks he got AIDS from

High fiving a girl

His bro got more bitches

Aquia has NO bitches

He looks like his breathe smells like mints. Like a strong smell of fucking mint

He also likes to sit down and smell gasoline because to him it smells delightful

He looks like he would do the “👉👈”

Everytime he brings home a friend they ditch him to go hang with Guy or Zev

When he’s nervous or bashful one of his hairs pop out of his head straight up like in the little rascals movie

[tired-biscuit]

ok but like imagine singing throwback songs with naruto in his car. i can see him singing baby by justin bieber at the top of his lungs while driving us around lmaosndjcienejxh😭😭💕💕💕

PLS ANON all i can imagine now, is him singing the stupidest songs from the 2000s and 2010s and whenever a rly pumped up track comes up, he starts driving rly recklessly and super fast, and you have to hold onto that little hand holder above the car window for dear life; like you're gripping that bitch like your very existence depends on it (it does) while he's just jamming to party rock anthem hahhhahahh

and the way he'd still be tapping the steering wheel along to the beat and mumbling the words of idk, pitbull's hotel room service even when you'd jump to a drive-in real quick for some food??

him still mumbling and singing along even when his mouth is full as you feed him bits and pieces of your chocolate donut which he had paid for you as compensation for driving around with him...... he'd be so cute in his lil baseball cap, hoodie and sweatpants; cheeks round cos of the food, looking like a little hamster

OMG IMAGINE HE HAS THE DORKY SONGS HE USED TO LISTEN TO AS A KID ON THERE AS WELL, LIKE YOU'RE JUST CHILLING AND ALL OF A SUDDEN MF SPONGEBOB STYLE COMES UP BYE, HE'D SCREAM

and he'd be so dumbbbbb but so cute hdjsizjshsudh!! i need a drive like that with him, it'd cleanse my soul istg

[offices-regionalbranch]

My posts been bombing lately anyway and I'm waiting for my rice to cook so I wanna talk about some of my favorite pieces of media of all time

I know a lot of mfs on here LOVE twin peaks but I feel like a lot of the same people would love Atlanta and just have,,,never watched it??? Like ok yeah twin peaks is a crime drama technically and Atlanta isn't but they're deep down very similar! I mean you start watching Atlanta and it seems like a very normal dramady type schtick but Atlanta then hits you with just random curve ball after random curve ball. Justin Bieber is black, cars are invisible at some points, a Michael Jackson twin is living a reclusive life in Georgia with his badly skin conditioned brother. It's surreal, it's hilarious, and overall one of the best shows on tv

I mean I know it's a critic classic but I think a lot of people skip over justified. Like recently sopranos and other dramas like it have been getting a kinda rebirth, and I think it's time for that same treatment to get given to this show. Timothy Olyphant? Perfect! Margo Martindale as a season 2 villain? Impeccable!!! It is a western for the modern day and it does it perfectly

Probably the most niche on this list and in the same vein, hap and leonard deserved more than 3 fucking seasons. The writing was fuckin impeccable, the chemistry of the two mains was incredibly real, and each season felt concise while also going by in a way that didn't feel too fast. We got buried treasure, voodoo, and racism, all in 80s east Texas. I swear if the tumblroids ever watched this show they would've shipped these mfs til the heat death of the universe.

Remember when I'm Thinking of Ending Things came out and every pretentious bastard you knew was like "broooooo this is transformative!!!" Well Synecdoche New York is the better fuckin version of that movie by 10. Every absurd movie needs a miserable Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and I cry every day that that mf is dead. Again, not a cult classic or anything by far, but still deeply loved

Speaking of films that aren't necessarily looked over, I can't fucking shut up ab Dr. Zhivago, I've seen this movie ten times, which is ridiculous because that's a huge part of my life, this movie is long as hell. The funny thing is that I hate Yuri and at sometimes Lara, but pasha my beloved!!!!! I love him as a character and quasi villain.

Finally, I can't say much about this book besides read it god damnit. Please, please read it, it's my favorite book please I'm begging you please

[chiveburger]

yanan is so unfiltered on v live it’s so fucking funny... this guy straight up does not care so whoever he does a broadcast with usually has to censor things for him. when he tries to burp or shows his pimples or just says blatantly weird shit that he shouldn’t whoever is besides him has to cover his face or tell him to shut up. yuto has a habit of calling universe “uni-yah” so yanan was like “guess I’ll call them verse then” ?????? fans tell him to read comments off of his own phone and he’s like “nar my phone is out of battery, the battery is GONE.” yuto starts playing nostalgia on the guitar and yanan says “um I don’t know the lyrics to that song.” they talk about transformers and yuto says he liked the cool looking black robot and yanan says “well he died” UNPROVOKED???? he says that yuto can’t show his face because he didn’t shave but he said it in chinese like three times so yuto asks “did you just swear at me???” I don’t know why this guy is so mf funny and recently he’s been paired with yuto who is one of the calmest and patient members of his group. yanan says shit that is just strangely hilarious and weird... he’ll be like “do you know how to play any JUSTIN BIEBER songs???” 

[jamesvanriemsdyk]

also the real question is: does he need the glasses or are they just a fashion statement??????? the fact that both answers seem plausible is A Lot to me. like im not even that attracted to him but the way he's been looking lately is just,, Jesus. like. what. how does anyone even form a coherent sentence when talking to him. why has no one asked what his Game Plan is. what is he trying to accomplish looking so fucking pretty

im pretty sure he does actually need the glasses, we've seen them on and off for years. he literally has always been pretty and like since lou left and hes been allowed to shave? next fucking level. also, fuck justin bieber and i hate that mf but his clothes? on willy? a Statement. a Movement. Modern Art. like literally i have been in love with this man since i was 17 years old and not a day goes by that he lets me live in peace. @ william nylander if youre reading this i am free, unmarried, and am about to take on substantial student loans. text anytime, i am no longer asking

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 24/10/2020 (Digga D, Justin Bieber, benny blanco)

Internet Money’s “Lemonade” featuring Don Toliver, NAV and Gunna finally hit #1 on the UK Singles Chart, and that’s today’s #1. Anyone else find it funny that NAV has a #1 hit in, well, any country? Anyway, welcome to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

A lot of our new arrivals from yesterday are gone entirely, including “Parlez-Vous Anglais” by Headie One featuring Aitch, mostly because only the three highest-performing songs from an artist can be in the chart at one time, so “Only You Freestyle” with Drake returned at #44. As well as that, other notable drop-outs from the UK Top 75 are “Mr. Right Now” by 21 Savage and Metro Boomin featuring Drake, “5AM” by M Huncho and Nafe Smallz exiting pretty prematurely, “Over Now” by Calvin Harris and the Weeknd, “Wishing Well” by the late Juice WRLD lasting longer than I expected, and “Heaven on My Mind” by Becky Hill and Segala. The biggest fall for the week is “Laugh Now Cry Later” by Drake and Lil Durk getting hit with the streaming cut down from #18 and #42 and the biggest is for last week’s debut “i miss u” by Jax Jones and Au/Ra up from #53 to #39. The only other returning entry we have is that garbage “Papi Chulo” song by Octavian and Skepta back for seemingly no reason. That doesn’t mean we don’t have 11 new arrivals, though, so let’s get started.

NEW ARRIVALS

#69 – “Train Wreck” – James Arthur

Produced by Adam Argyle

X Factor winner and insecure homophone who somehow pissed Frankie Boyle off on Twitter in 2012 James Arthur is back with his latest single since his first comeback album which was surprisingly successful, even stateside, mostly because of soppy, unlistenable ballad “Say You Won’t Let Go”. So, what’s to be expected out of this frog-voiced adult contemporary lad today? Well, apparently this is actually not his latest single choice for that lead off of the fourth album and rather just a deep cut from his 2016 album Back from the Edge. It’s the sixth track on the album, it’s four years old and never had a single push so I can only assume... TikTok? I don’t know, I think everyone’s feeling like this year’s been a bit of a train wreck so is the song good? I don’t know, I think his belting is impressive but pretty aggravating with only the soft piano backing and it does sound like he’s straining himself a bit here. The pouring out of his emotions during the dark place he was in between 2013 and 2016 is pretty effective and admittedly I feel kind of bad for the guy but, man, you can tell this is the first song he wrote for the album as it feels pretty underwritten, with a lot of reliance on that chorus, which is powerful but not nearly enough as he wants it to be. He explores a religious angle in the first verse that goes absolutely nowhere. Looking at the comments on the Genius page and ignoring the ones saying “This is epic” or “Anyone here from Harry Potter TikToks?”, I can tell it’s helping people and if this really is impactful to his audience then all fairness to him, it does its job. I’m just not a fan.

#68 – “Heat Waves” – Glass Animals

Produced by Dave Bayley

I swear “trainwreck” and “heatwave” are usually one word. Huh. Glass Animals are an indie-pop project fronted by Dave Bayley and I’ve never felt the need to look into them, and whilst I always assumed they were big – especially this recent third album which did big numbers to mixed reception – I didn’t think they were “chart in the top 100” big, especially not too months after the album release when another single is clearly being pushed. It has got a couple remixes though, particularly a Diplo one, so I guess this is a good time to first check Bayley and co out. Maybe my definition of “psychedelic pop” is different to Pitchfork’s (who didn’t even like this album) but I didn’t expect pitch-shifted vocals put against trap instrumentals and 808s that drown out all of the musicality that goes into the watery synths and guitar picking under the pretty rough vocals here, saved by some cool melodic ideas and multi-tracking that sounds pretty good in the verses. That chorus is lazy and quickly loses its lustre though, and it is not nearly climactic enough for that point in the bridge where its cuts out and returns to work or have any impact at all. The lyrics are pretty fluffy and non-descript, apart from the refrain of “Road shimmer wigglin’ the vision”... okay, I understand why you pitch-shifted that one. Yeah, this is pretty garbage, as are these remixes, although admittedly I kind of enjoy Diplo’s future bass rendition. You can’t do much to make a badly-written song sound interesting as an EDM remixer. I listened to that “Space Ghost Coast to Coast” song out of curiosity and... just because your “ayys” sound more like “ehs” doesn’t mean your trap-rap is suddenly art pop. Also:

“Space Ghost Coast To Coast” combines bits and pieces of millennial childhood nostalgia with musings on school shootings.

Joy. Next.

#67 – “PMW” – M Huncho and Nafe Smallz

Produced by Quincy Tellem

The drill MF DOOM (in aesthetic, not ability) and some nasal-voiced idiot who is not selling himself well with that stage name make a collaborative album produced by Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em. Here’s their ode to Profit Margins and Wages. Okay, it’s just them trading bars over an actually pretty damn good trap beat, with a killer choral vocal sample and some skittering hi-hats with a high enough pace that it makes Nafe Smallz seem mildly engaged. M Huncho sounds fine here, but the chorus here is pretty rough for both of them, and it just sounds really awkward. I do like Nafe’s second verse here, the flows he uses are pretty catchy and he sounds alive for once. What do you expect me to say about this though? They don’t rap anything interesting, the trap beat is good but not particularly interesting and the performances are mildly entertaining at best. It’s not nearly as amusing as the last single I liked from Huncho, “Pee Pee”. I’m not surprised this didn’t debut very high, and I guess it’ll drop off next week like nothing ever happened.

#65 – “One More Time” – Not3s featuring AJ Tracey

Produced by Eyes Adoasi and Remedee

Well, this duo have worked together a bunch of times before, and are undeniably preferable to M Huncho and Nafe Smallz, even if I’m not necessarily a big fan of either artist. This seems to be a lead-off single for Not3s’ third record as well as an interpolation of Britney Spears’ “...Baby One More Time” with a pretty cute pitch-shifted female vocal acting as the main melody for the track... and, yeah, this is what I expect from AJ Tracey. There’s an obvious UK garage flavour to the track – it does feel like a modernised throwback – and AJ’s spitting pretty competently, even if his flow is pretty basic and at times janky. Not3s is even more janky in the pre-chorus but the harmonising on the chorus and flow on the second verse is pretty damn impressive and dare I say charming. If he wants to go into this smooth R&B-rap direction on this type of UK garage beat I approve fully and I would be excited for that upcoming album. It kind of reminds me of Jeremih, to be completely honest, and I’m not sure exactly where I get that comparison but he sounds great. The beat does feel like it stagnates, especially during AJ’s verse actually – it might be the weak link stopping this from becoming great – but it doesn’t overstay its welcome and the 8-bit sound effects during AJ’s verse do stop this from being boring, though I still prefer a fair few of AJ’s other singles, like “Kiss and Tell” with Skepta which the song immediately reminded me of. It could have actually done with no guest verse but I know Not3s needs that promo so I’m not complaining about this. I hope to see it in the top 40 soon.

#62 – “Perkosex” – D-Block Europe

Produced by Gwiz and Roki

“Perkosex”. Wow, and I thought these guys couldn’t get dumber. We have a third DBE album cut this week and I’m already impressed by the awful pun in the title and the fact that this is literally taken from a YouTube producer’s (FREE) Calboy/Polo G type beat. Classy. This is a more downbeat song for the duo, with two verses, kind of. In fact, there’s no chorus, just one verse from Dirtbike LB who actually starts off the song with some spoken word and pathetic “Ski” ad-libs – leave that to Young Adz, who fragments his verse with a pointless and awkward bridge, as if his verse didn’t fill up that quota anyway. We have an acoustic guitar, pitched-up vocal sample that comes in to waste time every so often, and actually cuts Adz’s verse in two. Both LB and Adz croon and mumble, barely staying on the beat, with Adz mumbling so much on his first part of the verse that I initially thought this was just an outro to a song that lasted one and a half minutes, but, no, there’s an extra minute to go and Adz adz nothing to the track that needed that second half of the verse. Neither of the rappers are any funny here, but at least LB compares his friends to terrorists and says he’s got shots in his mouth like a peppermint... I mean, he sounds more mentally stable than he usually does on these songs, I guess. The second half of that Adz verse starts off with either him barely staying on-topic or just a complete plot twist.

You signed up for a drug dealer, not a drug user

And the next line:

And one of my toxic traits is that I love too much

Again, classy. This is crap even by their standards and just straight boring. It won’t go anywhere, but knowing my luck it might be the Christmas #1. Next.

#60 – “Someone to You” – BANNERS

Produced by KOZ

More “indie pop” debuting on the charts, although this one is directly off of the success of Love, Victor, a Hulu original series based on the film Love, SImon that used it in its soundtrack and hence it’s here on the chart. This song has been on three of this guy’s EPs and is actually all the way back from 2017 so, yeah, we have some old cuts here. I have absolutely nothing to say about the song though. Sure, I appreciate the vocal harmonies in the post-chorus and the organic drumming but the vaguely folkish guitar sounds pretty trite, as do the hand-claps and the incredibly generic mish-mash of love song clichés in all of the lyrics here. I’m reminded of a lighter Biffy Clyro that happens to be from Liverpool instead of Scotland and, you know, have no grit or interesting songwriting to back the enthusiastic vocal delivery and repetitive, exhausting chorus. I’m not into this at all, it just reeks of a lack of effort or unique character to it. And I’m safe to assume that about this next song...

#59 – “You’re Mines Still” – Yung Bleu

Produced by Nate Rhoads

This song got big because of Drake on the remix and thank God for that because this Juice WRLD rip-off could never stand on his two feet anyway. The fake attempt at a half-hearted British accent drenched in Auto-Tune is an immediate turn-off – the dude’s from Alabama and sounds like he’s vaguely imitating an Afroswing singer – but so is this incredibly low-effort trap beat with barely anything other than a Sting sample from the exact song “Lucid Dreams” sampled, and it’s not like this is an uncommon flip, coincidence or even a sample that hasn’t been used in a bunch of rap tracks before. Watch out, Yung Bleu, or else Sting will try and sue your ass on BS counts of “plagiarism” until you tragically die young or get a Drake stimulus package big enough for you to pay off royalties and fines for copyright infringement. In fact, I’m convinced that’s the only reason Drake hopped onto the remix so he and his massive bank account can settle the incoming lawsuit and pay the legal fees for this guy, because he doesn’t contribute anything worthwhile to this trash either. Jesus, this is bad.

#58 – “Happiness” – Little Mix

Produced by TMS

We don’t have that album yet, but we have another low-charting promotional single, I guess, now that the last one dropped off from the chart entirely... last week. Little Mix are now noticing that maybe they really cannot perform that well without Syco so I guess they’re just throwing as many bricks as D-Block Europe claim to be selling and hoping one of them fits into the wall. I don’t mind the song for all it’s worth, to be honest, I mean it’s more of a fast-paced dance-pop song about love I can appreciate with some pretty great vocal performances from the girls here, especially who I think are Leigh-Anne and Jade. The chorus hits pretty hard and the fusion of 808s and trap skitters on the verses with a killer UK garage-inspired drum loop on the chorus... yeah, I can actually endorse this, albeit with some hesitation, especially since the bridge is literally just like 10 seconds of vocal riffing, which makes the song feel somewhat underwritten even if that final chorus, especially the lead-up to it, is pretty amazing and genuinely surprised me on my first listen. This is good, and honestly a lot better than I expected from Little Mix, so check it out if you’re interested, although sadly I doubt this’ll stick.  

#29 – “Hold” – Chunkz and Yung Filly

Produced by Ransom Beatz

I can say the same about this, now that we’re in the top 40 here (first for both artists), mostly because Chunkz is pretty much a YouTube comedian and looking at these lyrics, there are now jokes. There is some ugly Auto-Tuned crooning over a pretty flat Afroswing beat and Chunkz’s delivery is similarly flat and it’s obvious he’s a comedian. You can just tell when rappers are also comedians and this guy definitely makes that obvious in his half-hearted “upbeat” delivery that sounds like a satire, but the problem is again that there are NO JOKES. Is the “airplane mode” line a joke? The use of the word “investments”? The egregious Spanish in the second verse? This weak-sauce instrumental? If any of these are jokes or an attempt at comedy, please let me stand corrected because I don’t know if Chunkz was chuckling to himself writing but none of this is funny or even entertaining. It’s pretty telling that the Genius page gave up on trying to distinguish the two rappers as well. Next.

#19 – “Lonely” – Justin Bieber and benny blanco

Produced by benny blanco and FINNEAS

Why is benny blanco credited as a lead artist while FINNEAS isn’t? Huh. Well, Justin’s back and leaving whatever the hell Changes was earlier this year right behind him, focusing on more introspective and personal tracks like... “Holy”, I guess. Well, for what it’s worth, this is better than “Holy” by quite a bit. It’s a pretty minimal ballad with some nice work on the keys from benny and egregious profanity from Bieber in the chorus. I do like the content though, and how he delves into Bieber’s regrets in his past, especially in the second verse although I feel like he misses the point here or at least doesn’t go in-depth enough for me to fully comprehend his view on the situation. They criticised things you did as an idiot kid because they were insensitive, immoral and at some times illegal, not because you were a child. Sure, the media and the press can be antagonistic, especially to easy targets – hell, it’s worse here than in the US or Canada – but it’s not entirely clear in the short verse here that he’s not just deflecting blame onto the “haters”. I do like how he talks about the downs that come with having so much wealth and fame at a young age and no idea on what to do with it other than reckless leisure activities and raking in the fandom’s love whilst he continues to drink-drive and lose his pet monkey, which he shouldn’t have had in the first place. He also talks about how the paparazzi and Internet comment trolls viewed his pictures of him with Lyme disease and immediately assumed he was doing drugs, which can be similarly said for Chadwick Boseman, who died earlier this year due to complications related to colon cancer at age 43. Yeah, this one digs pretty deep but I still feel like it could have used a third verse, especially since while Bieber claims to cite his wife Hailey Baldwin as his “saviour” this is his third or fourth time painting himself as the “comeback” of Bieber but now a more mature man, and none of those attempts have really succeeded so this seems kind of desperate on his behalf. Sigh, the song’s fine and honestly I appreciate it for what it tries to do but it falls short here and lacks the real dagger in the heart moment personally revealing songs about fame like this should have, although I’d admit it gets close. Now for our final entry, which has considerably less to talk about...

#18 – “Chingy (It’s Whatever)” – Digga D

Produced by ItchyDaProducer

Chingy? As in “Right Thurr”, “Holidae Inn” Chingy? Huh. From one look at the chorus, it just seems to be another threat but hey, Digga D’s back. I’m not sure if anyone wanted him back but here he is. He released an album last year. This wasn’t on it. I can’t actually remember this guy at all; I assumed this was DigDat so I expected some quality – I mean, no drill lyric can beat “white like Peter, brown like Cleveland” – but no, it’s Digga D, who made a song with Russ Splash last year that got in the top 40. I remember reviewing it, I remember not thinking much of it at the time. I don’t think much of this one either although I do have to admit I really like that eerie vocal sample, even if it is completely drowned out by the drill beat and the inconsistently-censored sliding on the beat from Digga D. He uses a pretty standard drill flow here though, and the verses are little more than oddly specific gunplay and flexing. He does actually interpolate “Right Thurr” by Chingy in this pretty good and catchy chorus – which I imagine is the only reason this is in the top 20 – as well as in the second verse, where he interpolates his other biggest song which already interpolated a Vine. Sure, I guess.

Conclusion

Not as good of a week as the last, although there’s still a LOT of British hip hop here, mostly sectioned between some indie-pop clunkers. In fact, I’m going to give Glass Animals the Dishonourable Mention for “Heat Waves” while Worst of the Week goes to “You’re Mines Still” by Yung Bleu and Drake on the remix for just being a horrible song all around. Best of the Week surprises me but it’s going to Little Mix for “Happiness” because, well, at least it has some damn energy to it unlike the rest of these songs. I guess the Honourable Mention can go to “One More Time” by Not3s and AJ Tracey but even that would be stretching it. Let’s hope for some good stuff next time, maybe some of that new Gorillaz album... pretty please? Here’s the top 10 for this week:

Big gains for “What You Know Bout Love” there, which is interesting. Follow me on @cactusinthebank for Tory scum baiting and I’ll see you next week.

[jijijisun]

I am mf exhausted

Really excited to lay in bed and be mindless then sleep but I’m so sticky from sweating all day I need to shower but I’m so tired I don’t even wanna get up

.

Bc I have the emotional intelligence of a human being and not a fucking walnut, I understand that people are not a binary of good and bad, or of caring boyfriend and heartless asshole

Obviously I WANT(ED) to believe he was kind and caring and good and cared deeply about me but his actions proved otherwise. And again bc I’m not an inanimate object I understand he probably has both good and bad within him

But if someone only has good intentions but still treats you badly, then by all means it appears that the good in them did not outweigh the bad. And that’s what it would look like to anyone. That’s not because we want to believe they’re an asshole - that’s just because they look, talk and act like an asshole.

As for what I “want,” I just want some mf honesty in this bitch. I want authenticity which requires reflection and (the development of) emotional intelligence and communication. I’m sick of being told what I want to hear only to have to snatched away from me 10 min or 10 hours or 10 days later, because they “changed their mind” or “didn’t mean it” or whatever other lame ass excuse that never took my feelings into consideration. I’m sick of trying to be genuine with someone who uses sarcasm as a shield or pathetic excuse to gaslight me (and then blames me for “not being able to take a joke”), or just straight up lies. A liar is someone who lies. You can’t get mad when you lie, and then get caught, and people start calling you a liar. If you act like an asshole, people will call you an asshole.

Whatever. My feelings are everywhere and I’m processing. I don’t know what I want. But I don’t feel bad about that, because it’s been less than a week since I blocked him. But it’s been several months since he’s been making me feel like shit, maybe years?? I don’t even know. It now seems fundamental to me that the people in your life should not make you feel like shit habitually under any given circumstances. Correction out of love is one thing, but continually making someone feel like shit as another. And blaming someone for reacting poorly to the way you treat them - instead of realizing “maybe I shouldn’t treat her that way, I will stop” - means you have zero accountability and are in fact, a manipulative person.

I don’t understand what he wants, it doesn’t seem he does either. Obviously, I wish the situation was different. I wish he was good, kind, that he loved me, that he would put in effort for me, that he was sorry. Obviously, I didn’t want to be That Next Bitch who he fucked over, the next one in a long line of hearts broken. But that’s fine, because I’ll be fine eventually, even if right now I feel like shit. No matter what happens - I am sure I will be fine. I am not going to let myself live a lonely ass life of self pity. I am way better than that.

I had a funny thought today like, hm. If he made me a choreographed music video to “Sorry” by Justin Bieber that would be a pretty epic apology. (The lyrics would be so spot on, too.) but again - snapping out of the reverie and remembering: why the fuck would someone who told you that you were worthless try to make things better? Why? You’re “not worth the effort,” remember?

They wouldn’t, and I need to stop hoping for something that will in all likelihood never happen, even if I - yes, desperately - wish it would. (But I’m going to give myself time, because unlike everyone else thinks I should, I’m processing this on my own timeline, and instead of just deleting him from every aspect of my life immediately, I am trying to do this in a way that makes sense to me. Even if my friends are all probably right)

[travelingshark]

6/5/2017 Day 110: Vienna, Austria

Ok yesterday we headed out to go shopping like a normal monday & theres legit no one at our metro/ bus stop and sure enough IT WAS ANOTHER MF HOLIDAY do these people ever work!?!? explain honestly. “yeah i work full time in austria” like ight what does that mean 3 days a week? bc every other day is either sunday or a holiday? confused. honestly. looked it up, guess what they were celebrating, the 50th freaking day after easter. They literally had a holiday for the 40th day after easter AND ANOTHER ONE 10 DAYS LATER. Started doing more research and it has a list, i can't make this up, of every other freaking day saying its an austrian holiday. Explain. Seriously. Like yeah super nice to never work but how y'all making money? What are you doing with all this time off? Watching reruns of seinfeld? Sure as hell not doing anything productive, BC NOTHINGS OPEN. Oh I'm gunna get some errands done, grocery shopping and to the pharmacy. GUESS WHAT, not open. Confused. Well walked all the way to know they're not open, so we had some time to kill so we drank beers then started working on our homework at starbs. We go to write at starbs like all the time lmao its like second nature now. But after getting stuff done we headed back home, showered n stuff, then headed to a study room we found downstairs with no wifi lmao. So basically wrote a little, twerked to big sean, wrote a little more, spanish danced to justin bieber. Ya know, normal. But thats it lol I'm leaving now I'm busy.