#mharosie

[mental-health-advice]

I'm 23 years old without a driver's permit; I'm extremely embarrassed to admit it. The reason for this is due to anxiety.. Being in any vehicle stresses me out. Everyone around me believes I'll be a good driver but I can't overcome my anxieties towards driving.. Lately its become a huge problem and I feel like its putting strain on my relationships to the people closest to me. I know that I need to get my permit and license but I'm terrified. I don't want to be a burden on my loved ones anymore.

Hello! Thank you for sending this in, and I’m so sorry you’re feeling conflicted and anxious. I completely understand how you are feeling and the situation you are in.

The first thing which you could look into is different techniques to use. Whether you are trying to keep the feeling of anxiety away for a while or struggling with panic attacks, looking into techniques to use and practise can really help and give us a way of fighting back. Something which I use is calming audio or music I enjoy when I feel anxious. This helps me relax and take my mind off the situation and gives me a positive feeling. Do you feel you could look into some techniques?

On our tumblr we have a page dedicated to calming techniques, which I encourage you to have a look at. Perhaps pick a few, try them out and see which one fits. It is okay if you feel some are not working, as we are all different and finding the right technique can take a little time but is definitely worth it. I will link you below!

Calming Anxiety and Panic

I believe that taking your time with these techniques is crucial, as well as anything which you feel you are struggling with. Blocking everyone else out for a few moments, do you feel ready to learn to drive? Do you feel you would have the time, motivation and money for it? Are you ready to take that small step? It is okay if the answer is yes, and it is also okay if the answer is no. This is a good place to start and really understand how you feel about it.

If the answer is no, do you feel you could speak to your loved ones about how you are feeling? If they understand your situation then they may be able to help out by offering you lifts or car shares (which is good for the environment and offers a social activity!). I understand you may feel negative about having to rely on others driving or ask for lifts, but it is okay to not want to drive. It is becoming more and more common for people to choose not to drive, or feel they cannot. Public transport is only improving and is definitely something in which you could look into. You can find timetables online, or at local information centres.

I really believe speaking to your loved ones will help the feeling of negativity reduce for you. Not wanting to drive is okay, and society must realise that it is okay too. You are not a burden for not driving.

If the answer is yes, then there are a few options for you to look into. There are driving instructors who have experience with nervous and anxious drivers. They are understanding and may have a different teaching approach to make it comfortable for you. You can look into instructors in your area via Google, or even Facebook and compare those which you find. When I was looking, I wrote down the options and compared prices, availability and the feedback from previous customers. Do you feel you could have a look at a few driving instructors?

When you get to your lessons or test, it is important to take your own time and not to rush anything. Using calming techniques during your lessons and test could perhaps benefit, and if your instructor knows your situation they may build these into the lessons. Taking your time is crucial, and it really helps me with driving and everyday experiences. It is okay to take time, and it is okay to need to pull over and stop for a moment to regroup your thoughts.

Doing the lessons and test in your own time is also important. If you feel you can only drive for an hour, that is okay. If you feel you could do 2 hours at a time, that is also okay. Speaking to your instructor can open up doors and ideas on how to learn in the best way for yourself. They could also recommend schedules for lessons or how they feel you will perform best. When it comes to knowing if you are ready to take the test, you must believe in yourself and ask yourself if you feel you can do it. Your driving instructor will know if you are technically, but it is up to you to take a deep breath and know if you are ready. It is okay if you need a little more time or just need a quick recap lesson.

I really do understand how you feel, as I have been through it too. I am around a year younger than you are and have only just passed my test. I was in a situation when I was 17 where driving made me feel anxious and it reminded me of things I didn’t want to associate with driving. I struggled to get lifts without getting comments about ‘you could have driven if you had learnt’ which made me feel awful. Unfortunately, not everyone understands that such a ‘normal’ thing in society is sometimes difficult for others to do.

I stopped my lessons altogether and focused on my education, although it was difficult throughout with catching public transport (I live in a small town with terrible bus links to the station) and getting to work. But, I do not regret this. I wasn’t prepared in my mind to drive and I wasn’t in the best of places. I eventually built up the courage to book some lessons again a few months ago and I felt so nervous to take that little leap into driving again. The second time around, I was much more focused and motivated. I still had my doubts and lessons which I couldn’t focus, but my instructor knew that and we really worked well to work on the parts I needed to work on instead of ticking boxes.

I passed my test third time, and that is okay. The whole process can be complicated with our emotions, but I learnt that it is okay to feel. Our emotions are valid, and we can overcome them with time.

I really hope this has opened up some thoughts for you, and you are able to choose a path which is right for you at this moment. I believe in you, whatever your decision may be.

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

I think that maybe there’s something wrong with me? Like, i always feel sorta empty. Even when im happy i feel kinda sullen. Like i’m just drifting through life. It feels like i don’t really have friends even though they say their my friends i feel like they just say that. And i don’t really enjoy reading as much as i want to because i feel like i should be out with friends making memories and adventuring. I just don’t understand myself anymore.

Hello, thank you for sending this in and I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I understand how lost you may feel, and how alone you must feel.

However, you are not alone. Your feelings are valid. It’s okay not to be okay, to take a moment to have a little downtime. You are not alone in feeling empty or far away from happiness, and I really hope I can give you some ideas of where to go next and who you may be able to speak to.

Something to start with, keeping it a little more personal than straight away speaking to someone, is writing in a journal or writing in some form. Many people keep diaries or start diaries when they go through an emotional time in their life or just to document their journeys. There can be many reasons why people do this, but one of the most common is probably to get it out our system and to vent in some form. It can act as a way of getting out worries, concerns, nagging feelings or negative thoughts. Do you feel this may help you?

Writing it down does not have to be in a journal form, either. I find it really helpful to combine it with a story and end up creating a whole character around how I am feeling. A few of them end up becoming chapters long, and others are just one off 500-word glimpses into the character’s life through my eyes. You do not have to share them, either! Perhaps this may be an option for you?

If you are feeling this way, I encourage you to speak to someone about it. It could be a staff member at the school, a colleague or manager at work, family member or even one of your friend’s. You can do this via a letter or speaking to them directly, and can open lots of positive doors for you. Do you feel you could speak to one of your friends, or all of them? Perhaps you could have a think about some of the things you would like to do? Maybe write a list of activities (like cinema trips, hikes, bowling) and ask your friends if they would like to arrange some dates to do them.

Feelings can become very overwhelming quite fast, and if you feel you need to talk to a healthcare professional then that is okay. We have a page dedicated to getting help, and I will link you below. Getting help from a professional is a brave thing to do, and opens lots of pathways into getting back on track with your mental health and how you feel.

MHA Getting Help

The last thing I will leave you with is that you are not alone, and never will be alone. We are always here, whether it be via asks or live chat or our venting groups. Your friends are there for you, and you are not alone in how you feel. Others who have felt similarly to how you feel are here with you. Personally, I have felt the same way and I understand where you are coming from. I am here for you, and you can get through this.

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

Feel like I'm going to hurt myself. I don't know what to do.

Hello,

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You are not alone and I have felt this way too. There are lots of alternatives or ways to redirect this feeling and I hope I can provide you with them.

Do you know why you feel this way? It is okay if not. If you feel understanding why would help you, perhaps write some bullet points down on a piece of paper. There can be lots of reasons why someone would feel this way as everyone has different thoughts.

Do you feel there is anyone you could speak to about this? Perhaps a friend or family member? Opening up about something like this, unfortunately, does not stop it automatically, but it can open up a door to feeling less alone and less able to cope with it. Having someone to speak to or call when you feel this way can really help redirect the thoughts.

If you do not feel you have anyone to speak to about this, we have a venting group held each week at 8am-9am GMT time. This is a live chat between an admin of MHA and anyone who would like to join the chat. You do not have to put in your real name or even speak. You can simply be a part of the conversation by seeing how others deal with their issues and, if you feel up to it, you can ask your own and the admin will do their best to help. This would be a really good way of exchanging tips on how to cope with these thoughts. I will link you to the page with the information, and the link and password to the chat will be posted at the time of the chat.

Venting Groups

On our MHA page, we also have some really great resources for distractions, reasons not to SH and alternatives. When I was struggling, I sometimes drew on my arms or legs to relieve the thoughts. I also scribbled on paper or even wrote about it in a short story form. Do you feel you could find a way to help you redirect your thoughts? I will link you to our pages below.

Self Harm

Alternatives to SH

Distractions

Reasons Not To

If the thoughts continue or you feel as if you need to speak to someone, that is okay. Finding help can be scary but it is encouraged. You can get through this. Again, there are a few ways of getting help and our page explains how.

Getting Help

You are not alone in this, and you will overcome it. It is not silly and the reasons why are not silly either. There is nothing to be ashamed of and we are always here for you. I believe in you.

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

I've been reading through your past advice and seen a lot about intrusive thoughts and it kinda sounds like what my head does but I don't really understand what they are so basically what I'm trying to ask is what are intrusive thoughts? (I didn't want to google it in case I find something worse than what it actually is)

Hello, thank you for sending this in! I really hope I can help you with some resources and tips. Intrusive thoughts can be terrifying and confusing, but you must know that you are not alone.

More people than we realise experience intrusive thoughts and they can be difficult to speak about because of fear of judgement or we do not understand them ourselves. I have personally experienced intrusive thoughts so I will share with you a few tips I use to try and cope with them.

Intrusive thoughts are negative thoughts which suddenly pop into your head. For me, I would dwell on them and continue to think and worry about them which made me feel even worse. I have two websites for you to have a look at, which explains what intrusive thoughts are and the mind website has a true story from someone who has experienced them.

Mind website

anxietyandstress.com

I agree with you when you say you do not want to google it. That is okay and encouraged if you are worried about it. When researching health we can often stumble across an article or diagnosis which we worry about. Self-diagnosis or researching can be really scary and dangerous for us. If you feel you need to speak to someone or get a diagnosis, I encourage you to speak to your doctor about it or another healthcare professional. There are trained councillors in schools, teachers who you can speak to our colleagues and managers at work. Family and friends are also a good option.

When I was dealing with my intrusive thoughts, I had a few ways to cope with them. My first one was writing them down, whether it be in the form of a fiction story or diary. I wrote a lot of fiction which helped distance myself from the thoughts and allowed me to explore them through my characters.

The second tip would be to speak to someone you trust or tell them about it. Not necessarily a doctor or teacher, but someone who you can tell without the worry of judgement. My worst intrusive thought had me really scared and paranoid, and I got to the point where I had to tell my best friend without really thinking it through. I feel that if I thought it through, I would have backed out because of the fear. But there was no reason to be scared, as it helped me get rid of the thought and I had a shoulder to lean on.

I encourage you not to keep them to yourself, as it isolates us and creates fear and more confusion which is damaging to our health. You are not alone, and the intrusive thoughts you may be having could be someone else’s intrusive thoughts too. You can get through this and block them out. Our live chat is always here if you ever need to talk them through instantly, or our ask box is here if you have any other questions.

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

I'm starting my first job on Thursday (training on Tuesday) and I'm super nervous! I'm really shy and awkward and suck and socializing with people. I have no idea how I'm going to handle this. I'm scared of having a panic or anxiety attack at work. I suppose it'll get easier as time goes by but right now I'm just scared of messing up. I haven't been doing so well mentally lately and this is just stressing me out so much. But I need the money. :(

Hello! Thank you for sending this in, and congratulations on the new job role.

Starting a new job can make us feel all sorts of emotions. Feeling nervous or anxious is totally okay, and I hope I can give you some tips and advice on how to cope while at work.

It is always best to try and have a relaxing day before your first day. A good night’s sleep, a clear mind and ready to learn. One way to ease the worry can be to write down all of your concerns the night before. Dedicate 30 minutes or an hour to this, and let all of your worries out on this list. Once you feel you have written it all down, put it away (perhaps even in another room) and focus on the rest of your day or getting ready to sleep. You can look back at these worries after the first day or week, and see what worried you and how they went.

Asking questions is okay. In any situation, there is no silly question. If you want to ask a question, it means you would like clarity in some kind of way and that is okay. Your colleagues will understand that you will have questions, and I’m sure they will be more than happy to answer them - especially during training. Asking questions shows you are willing to learn and is generally a positive way to learn and build relationships with your colleagues. They may be able to share stories on how to remember something or share mistakes and solutions which they encountered. Asking questions is a great thing to do, and it is okay to ask them.

If you are unsure, you can ask. Even if they have told you already, it’s okay to ask again. It can act as a conversation starter and open up more starters for the future without thinking into it.

When I started university, they constantly reminded us that it is okay to make mistakes. As humans, we learn from our mistakes. We remember situations and how we may or may not have handled them correctly. We remember this for the future and are able to improve our knowledge. If you make a mistake, it is okay. It does not mean you cannot do something or did it wrong. It means you will remember next time, and you are learning. Everyone makes mistakes, whether they are new to the job or have been working there for 15 years. It is okay to make mistakes.

If you doubt yourself before or during your work hours, remember that you were chosen for a reason. They saw the potential and a good worker. They believe in you, and understand that you will be learning. Remind yourself that you are new, and you can do this. If you need to, you could set reminders on your phone to tell you this or write it on a piece of paper in your pocket.

Our MHA blog has a page on calming ourselves during anxious moments or panic attacks. I encourage you to check this out (I will link you below) and perhaps work some of these into your day. Whether you need to use them or not, I think it is a beneficial thing to have. There are some really easy techniques which you can definitely use at work, and help to keep yourself from feeling horrible about work. Work is a great thing, it is just believing in ourselves and our choices at work which we often struggle with. That is okay, and we can learn ourselves how to cope and improve our mental health.

Calming Anxiety and Panic

If you need to take a moment to yourself at work, it is okay. Find somewhere quiet or ask if you can quickly pop into the bathroom just to take a moment to breathe. Here, you could perhaps use one of our techniques on our page.

For me, I find a job a positive thing for myself. It keeps me busy and gives me a purpose which I need. One thing which I often forget is that although I love my job, I can switch it off once I am home. I am allowed to have a chilled day and not think or worry about something I did at work. I am lucky enough have a good relationship with my colleagues, and I believe you will be able to do so as well. This way, we can discuss any issues together and learn from each other.

I really hope your training and rest of the job go smoothly, and that you are able to feel comfortable to work there. A new job is a scary thing but can be so exciting too. We have to believe in ourselves and remind ourselves it’s okay to struggle or ask questions. We are human, and if someone judges us or responds negatively, we have to be strong enough to brush it off. Unfortunately, that is sometimes the case. But we are strong enough, and we can show them that we were hired for a reason.

I wish you all the luck, and I am really excited for you. I hope you are too.

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

I don't know if i'm trans or not. I am female and like my body but i like how flat my chest looks in a binder and how with certain clothes I can look masculine enough but I wouldn't want to be a man, i dont want facial hair or anything i like my feminine features. I am also a lesbian and I never thought about gender until i really thought WHY I wanted to bind. It scares me, i don't want to be a man

Hello! Thank you for sending this in, I really hope I can help you with how you are feeling. Gender can be a confusing, overwhelming topic as there are not many resources for all of the different genders. But, it can be a validating experience and make you more comfortable with who you are.

I want to first touch on labels, and what they are. Labels are titles we can give ourselves which explain something about us. For example, sexuality or gender. Labels can be incredibly useful to us and help us understand who we are. It can give us something to explain to others who we are, and it can help us to relate to others with the same label. However, you do not have to give yourself a label.

Labels can also make you feel under pressure to fit a certain category, when actually you may have lots of different feelings which relate to lots of different genders. When researching my own gender, I did not want to label myself because it was too confusing and I felt my gender would be set in stone. However, once I realised that I didn’t have to follow any rules or guidelines I gave myself a label. I felt I needed one to help me understand who I was. It is okay to have a label, and it is also okay to not have one!

Binding is okay, whoever you identify as. It is down to how it makes you feel as a person. If you haven’t already, looking into what dysphoria is could be beneficial in understanding why you want to bind. There are also a few resources on binding online, as it is slowly becoming more known about. Some tips for binding are:

Do not try to put on a binder just after a shower, it’s very difficult!

Make sure you own a safe binder (I use gc2b)

Never bind for more than 8 hours

Never sleep or exercise in a binder

Look after yourself and take note of any pain or discomfort while wearing your binder

Gender identity is becoming more spoken about, and something which I do not think a lot of people realise is the number of genders. Some of the more well-known labels which you may have heard of are transgender, non-binary and gender-fluid. Our MHA page has a list of genders and other pieces of information that I have not gone into which I encourage you to have a read of.

List of Genders

Gender and Sexuality

Gender and sexuality are two different things. Both can feel overwhelming when trying to figure out who we are, but we do not have to fit into labels if we do not want to. We are who we are, and figuring out these two things one at a time can often feel less scary and confusing. Do you feel you could focus on one before the other, or at the same time? Either way is okay!

Unfortunately, there is not a definite way or set of rules to go by to tell us who we are. Every person’s experience of gender is different, complex and beautiful. One way which can help give us an idea is standing in a mirror, and saying phrases such as ‘I am female’ and ‘I am male’. This tells us if either feels comfortable to say and may give us some thoughts on who we would like to identify as (transgender, demiboy, gender-fluid etc). Another way to get us thinking is to imagine who we see ourself as in 10 years. Do we see ourselves as a male or non-binary? Do we see ourselves as cis-gender?

The way you are describing how you are feeling is perfectly okay. You can bind and not be male, and even if you do identify as a transgender man you do not have to have any surgery or hormones to identify as a man. I cannot tell you who you are, but I encourage you to look into the different genders and perhaps have a look around on YouTube and hear others speak about their relationship with gender. Something which really helped me is hearing others speak about how they see their gender, and how they may identify with one or two labels.

I really hope this has helped a little. Remember that it is okay to be who you are, and you are worthy whoever you identify as. It is okay to change and find yourself, trying different pronouns and names to see what fits. It is okay to dress in a stronger masculine or feminine look to who you identify as. It is okay to experiment to see what is comfortable and to not give yourself a label. You are you, and it is finding that person and being comfortable in your skin.

I believe in you, and we are always here at MHA for you!

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

I'm a dental student and depression has crippled my physical and mental health There is an overwhelming amount of work I have to do. Patients. Research. Lab work. Studying. Strict professors we have to deal with. Now I'm about to repeat a second year. I've lost all motivation for all my hobbies. I've lost a ridiculous amount of weight. I think about suicide everyday. I want to drop out but I am afraid of the embarrassment of my failure. I'm afraid of the unknown. I don't know where to go.

Hello! Thank you for sending this in, and thank you for bearing with us. I hope you are doing okay and that I can help in some way to how you’re feeling.

It sounds like you are going through a lot of different emotions and that is completely okay. Emotions can be extremely overwhelming, but if we tackle them we can work through them and become stronger. I have no doubt that you can do that.

You have options, which is great! The next step is probably to figure out which option would benefit you most. Staying on at school or dropping out. Both are more than okay. I know students who have dropped out and are doing so much better and feeling so much happier, and I also know students who have decided to stay on and they have come out the other side happy as well.

Something which can be useful is picturing yourself in a few years. You don’t have to do this, as it can be just as overwhelming as all of the emotions. But if you feel it will help you, there’s nothing wrong with giving it a go. You can write it out or even draw a spider diagram with all the aspects you would like to have in your life (EG, pets, job, hobbies). This may help with knowing whether you’d like to continue in school or not.

If you believe it is best for you to drop out, you are far from a failure. Your health and well being comes first. It is not a mistake, you are not a mistake and you did not fail. It simply means you tried and it wasn’t for you, which is okay. It is a learning experience! You would never know unless you tried. Where do you feel you would be most comfortable? Would you want to move? What job would you enjoy doing? These are all things that could, again, be drawn in a spider diagram or mind map to help you visualise things. It is okay if you do not reach these, or change your mind on the job or place you would like to live. You can change these as many times as you like to ensure you are happy and comfortable.

If you do decide to stay on, that is also okay. However, it sounds like there need to be some changes for you to continue being a student and looking after yourself. Here are some small things you could change:

Appearance (hair, clothes, piercings…). Are you happy with how you look and feel? If not, you can change it! Experiment.

Routine (time you wake up, sleep, study etc). Could you make your day more of a set routine? This would mean you could make sure you leave some time for yourself while getting all the jobs done. This could be written on a whiteboard as a sort of ‘to do’ list!

Hobbies. You have said you are struggling to find motivation for your hobbies. Are there any you have wanted to try for a while? Running, cycling, knitting? You may find yourself going back to your favourite hobbies, which is okay. But it’s also okay to mix it up a little.

I am so sorry you’re feeling so lost, but I hope that this sparks some questions within you of where you could go from here. The most important thing is looking after yourself, so speaking to someone about how you are feeling would be beneficial and relieving. Whether it be a professional or not, speaking about something or even spending time doing something unrelated to your daily routine can help with how we cope.

Do you feel you could talk to any of your professors? Schools and workplaces are becoming more mental health aware, and some are provided with resources for their employees and students. They may be able to offer you something to help with how you are feeling, such as extra time for work or simply extra tutoring if you feel you need that. In this paragraph, I would also like to stress that you can take a mental health day. If you can take a day off because you are not feeling great, it is okay to do so. Our physical health is just as important as our mental health. If you do not feel comfortable telling anyone why you were off, that’s okay too.

On our blog, we have a page on getting help, which I will link below. If you are not comfortable talking to a professor, you can reach out to many different people who can help including healthcare professionals.

Getting Help

I really believe that whichever path you choose to take will be the best for you and that you can overcome this one step at a time. I wish it would be a quick journey for everyone in pain, but know that the journey will make you stronger every day and that you will come out on top. I believe in you! Take a deep breath, take your time and know that it is okay not to be okay. You can get through this and become the person you want to be in the career you love.

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

I live in Japan, and I’ve went to a Japanese school. Now I’m in my last year of high school, and I have to take multiple university exams. I start my first one in a week, but I’ve lost all motivation to study. I feel like I won’t get into any universities even if I do study, and I know I’m running away from my problems, but I just can’t seem to find any will to do anything and I feel like such a loser and weak. I hate disappointing my parents, and I do want to go to university... I’m desperate:(

Hello! Thank you for sending this in, and I hope we are not too late to talk about this. If you’ve taken the tests then I wish you all the best with them and I hope you felt okay about how they went. Tips for tests and how to handle them can be used in everyday life, though. I really hope there are some techniques you can take away from here and use.

The first base to touch on with studying, for me, is usually the area I plan to use. I’m lucky enough to have a desk with lots of resources, and I find that helps me a lot. However, you can still make a study area on a dining table, a wide space on the floor (as long as you’re comfortable sitting on the floor) or even outside in the shade. Wherever it is, here are a few things to look at:

Supply of fresh air (having a window open, being outside)

A clean, clear space with working pens and pencils.

Highlighters. Can you colour coordinate what each means?

A good chair or position to sit in.

A good temperature.

Having the noise appropriate for you (if you can study with calming music or if you prefer it silent)

Another thing to look at in advance to studying is creating a schedule. Within this schedule, it is beneficial to slot in short breaks, meal times and time to enjoy yourself. It may take a while to figure out which works best for you (whether you prefer studying first thing in the morning, during the day or in the evening), but you can mix it up until you feel it is right all while studying. If you find it helpful, you can even schedule down to the very subject you will be revising each study slot. I always find it rewarding to tick off the slot when I have completed it, too!

Studying can feel overwhelming, as we often are not sure where to start. Scheduling can help with this, as well as finding the best way to revise. There are websites which can help contribute to studying, such as memrise. This is like a digital version of making study cards, but being tested on them. It contains lots of subjects so it may be helpful to check it out. You can, if you find it helpful, also make your own study cards. Writing them out in different pen colours in itself is studying, as we are focused on what we are writing. Then, we can use these small cards wherever we are. At work, in a queue or even at dinner. Mind maps are also useful, and they can be colour coded and stuck on a wall to glance at every so often. When revising for my exams, I used to stick questions on the walls next to light switches, mirrors and even the toilet flush! I had to answer the question (the answer would be on the back) before I could continue my day, or flush the toilet. This way I wasn’t overwhelmed by sitting down in front of a page full of information. I could take little moments out of my day to focus on questions, as well as sitting down and working on some other subjects.

During my dissertation at university, I really struggled to sit and read information. Whether it be an article or my own work, it seemed to jumble into one and go in one ear and out the other. I tried reading aloud, but I struggle with that too. Eventually, I downloaded an extension for Google Chrome called Speak It. I could then highlight what I was trying to read, press the button, and it would read it out loud for me while I followed along. This helped me massively, and I encourage you to try it if you feel you may struggle in the same way.

In most cases, schools offer study sessions in quiet environments with a teacher available if needed. Do you think attending one to see how they work for you would be beneficial? Talking to a teacher or school counsellor about your worries may also help, as they may have some study techniques or tips to cope with the exam period.

On our MHA page, we have some information on school advice. I will link it below. It does not directly target exams or tests, however, some of the advice (especially on getting a good night’s sleep) can be applied to a lot of things in life. I really hope you find the page useful.

School Advice

Speak to the universities you would like to go to. Speak to the staff. But, most importantly, speak to the students. I know this may feel scary and too much, but even communicating via email or a forum is valuable enough. They may have advice on applying or getting through exams, and not all universities may be the same. When I applied, my university focused more on my personal statement, growth within my results and my portfolio. Yours may be the same, so I recommend having a look into that if you feel you can.

I completely understand that this time may be overwhelming and stressful for you, but my last piece of advice I will give you is probably the most important. Breathe, take breaks and take time to yourself. Having time to enjoy things is just as crucial as studying, and it helps our mind massively. It is okay to spend some time away from studying and it is okay to feel nervous. Believe in yourself, and know that you are trying your best. Reward yourself. Look after your mental and physical health.

I really hope this has helped, and to everyone else who is going through exam season. I wish you all the best and believe in you!

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

When I was a kid, I had undergone sexual/physical/mental abuse for about a year. And I think to cope with it, I ate a bunch of food. I now want to become more healthy so I want to ask: how can I become more healthy mentally? I can’t really afford mental help, and no one else knows this but me. I want to be comfortable with myself be for I become more healthy physically.

Hello! Thank you for sending this in, and I really hope I can give you some ideas or inspiration. I’m so sorry for what you went through, but I believe in you and you can become stronger. You are not your past, but your future.

It is perfectly okay to want to be healthy, but it is just as important to be safe and realise what we are doing. There are lots of ways to focus on our mind, and I think to work on our mental health before physical health can be beneficial!

My first point is that you could make a routine. Perhaps a daily or weekly routine, with simple things such as a wake-up and bedtime or meal times. Keeping to a routine can really split up your day, and give you something to follow if one day you feel a little less motivated. I write mine on a whiteboard, but you could set alarms for meal times, break times from work or even keep the routine in your mind. Whichever works best for you!

Loving yourself as you are is an important lesson. Our personality, our fashion, hobbies and how we feel about our bodies. It is okay to change, and it can be refreshing and a new start for some. You can always change who you are, as long as you are safe and it is making you more comfortable. One thing which I have done is write down points I like about myself, and those which I wish to change. This helped me see what stage I was at in learning to love myself, and what I could safely change to make me feel more like me.

I would just like to say, nobody is perfect but we can learn to love ourselves. The aspects we do not like about ourselves which we cannot change make us who we are. We can be proud of them, and show them off because it is our thing. Physical or not.

Staying positive throughout the whole process goes hand in hand with motivation. While working on your mental health, a little positive message or reminder can go a long way. You could write positive sticky notes and place them around your home, or set reminders on your phone to smile or breathe and relax for a moment. I often have various playlists I listen to which are full of songs that make me feel motivated and happy.

I also have a playlist for when I need a moment to be sad. It is okay not to feel okay, and we have to acknowledge our feelings and embrace them. Sometimes we are sad, that is okay. We just have to know that we deserve happiness and it will pass. We must dust ourselves off and pick ourselves up again. Listening to my playlist gives me that moment to embrace what I am feeling and to focus on something else.

Surrounding yourself with things you love is another good way to clear your mind and focus on positives. Tidying my room helps me, as it gives me motivation and allows me to feel as if my working space isn’t cluttered. Do you feel tidying the area you spend most time would help? Opening a window or making schedules, arranging your notebooks and pens can give you that nice space you can spend time on your laptop or artwork. In addition to this, I sometimes open a window to let in some fresh air. It may sound silly, but fresh air helps a lot when you are inside!

Being okay on your own is a personal challenge for me, but it is incredibly valuable. Being on your own often sounds scary and isolating, but learning to be okay on your own for a little while can help a lot with your moods and how you think. I like to stay busy and switch things up often, whether that be watching a TV show for an hour and then baking a cake, or going for a bike ride. Do you feel this would be something you could benefit from? Being on your own does not have to feel overwhelming, and taking it a day or few hours at a time can really help with the process. It is also important to socialise, whether that be at work with colleagues or family and friends. A balance is key!

There are lots of resources out there, for both physical and mental health. For mental health, there is an app I use called Headspace which gives you short meditations to do each day. These focus on you relaxing and just taking a moment to breathe which can break up a day, stressful situation or negative mood. If you cannot use the app, there are lots of free YouTube videos with calming sounds, music and meditations.

For physical health, there are also lots of apps and YouTube videos. I use Strava, which can track where I go on a run or bike ride and how far I go. A lot of physical activity is actually down to our mental health, though. I encourage you to continue working on your mental health before physical but remember that both are equally as important and you must be safe about how you are doing improving them.

If you have any questions about staying safe, healthy or would just like some more techniques to work on your mental health, please don’t hesitate to drop us another ask. I hope some of these ideas have helped or inspired some of your own, and I believe in you to make this progress. We can do it together!

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

(Tag as yllw) PT1 ive been really sad again lately, I slept with a guy who I thought cared, but it’s been weeks and he’s totally ignored me and shut me out. I feel alone, all of my friends are in relationships and I’m by myself all the time. I just feel empty all the time. Like it wouldn’t matter if I didn’t talk to my friends, that I don’t make an impact on their lives. I’ve been feeling like this a lot lately, and I did a little research and I think I might have high functioning depression,

(Tag as yllw) PT2 but I don’t know who to talk to or how to bring it up. I don’t have people close to me who understand mental illness. They are the type of people who overlook it as being dramatic or seeking attention. It’s getting harder to care about stuff everyday and I don’t know what’s going to happen if I don’t fix it soon. I’ve cut before and have thought about suicide although I’ve never attempted. But when I get to that dark place I feel like I’m kind of being over the top about it

(Tag as yllw) PT3 like I’m making it out to be a bigger deal than it is and it’s confusing and I just want help.

Hi, yllw! Thank you for sending this in, and I hope you’ve been doing okay since you sent the ask. I really hope I can help in some way.

It sounds like there is a lot you are feeling at the minute, and I am so sorry you feel alone within it all. I completely understand as I have had these same feelings recently. Is there any way to contact the guy you are talking about other than calling or texting? Although you are trying to reach out to him, I do believe that if the situation is damaging and hurting you then something needs to change. It is confusing and painful that you are being ignored, but it is not your fault.

Unfortunately, people do hurtful things sometimes, and I hope they find the strength to stop doing those things one day. You are worth every moment of happiness, and if the situation is making you feel bad then do you feel there is a way for closure? Could you accept what happened and how you feel and move forward? In this case, know that you are valid and it was not your fault. Moving forward is a powerful, brave thing to do and I believe it could be the best move for you at the minute. Do not let it define you, but accept it happened and let it make you stronger.

In terms of feeling alone with friends who are in relationships, it can be difficult. Especially when you want to hang out or go to a movie with them, but I hope I have some suggestions you could think about and try. My first suggestion is sitting them down, all together or one by one and explaining to them how you feel. It is neither their fault or yours, it is just the situation and I believe they will understand and want to help you.

Could you invite a few of them to a movie without their partners? Then, perhaps, invite their partners out on their own for a meal? If not, is there work colleagues you could spend time with? Is there an activity (cycling, painting, writing, gaming) which you could join a group for in your town? Spending time with other people is okay, and sometimes helps us more than we know it. Especially if we are doing an activity we love in a safe place.

I spend a lot of time on my own, and I am having to learn how to be okay with that. That lesson once learned, is so valuable. It is about finding your balance between having enough social time for yourself and being okay on your own for a while. Do you have anything you could do while on your own as a distraction and activity? I have taken up writing and cycling, as well as simply furthering my knowledge on my career by watching YouTube tutorials. Do you feel you could do that with anything? All the activities I have taken up have become special to me and my thing, which makes them enjoyable and worth it.

Although researching and understanding mental health can be interesting and useful to know, self-diagnosing can be dangerous and more damaging than we realise. We may believe we have one thing and treat it as that (trying to use techniques to help with it) when in fact it is something completely different. By trying to help fix one thing, we may be damaging something else. I hope that makes sense! We do have a page on getting help, which I will link below!

If you are struggling with telling someone, writing a letter or bullet points on paper can help when you speak to someone. The moment can become scary and you may feel more comfortable with points to refer to, so you do not leave anything out. YouTube videos of others speaking can also help! If you find one you relate to, perhaps show that to the person to explain how you are feeling.

One thing which sticks out to me in your ask is how you describe feeling over the top and seeking attention. I relate to this as I felt that way too, as do many. Going through something negative and confusing can feel this way, but when you are in the light and can see better it makes a little more sense. When I felt alone and stuck, I didn’t want to speak about it because I felt like I was attention seeking. However, now that I look back, I understand that it is exactly what I needed. There is nothing wrong with wanting attention and to be listened to, as it makes us feel less alone and stronger. There is a lot of negativity around ‘attention seeking’ and there are many unhealthy ways to deal with it, but there is also the need for attention which is perfectly healthy.

It is okay to want attention and to be healthy about getting it. You’ve got this.

Our blog has 3 pages which I think will give you some ideas:

Distractions (for anything - whenever you need something to do)

Getting Help

Venting Groups (there is one on Sunday’s for SH - speaking about it to someone can help a lot with understanding it and preventing it)

I hope this has helped, and please feel free to come back and send in another ask if you’d like another take on how you are feeling from another admin. I believe in you, and this will not last. The feeling of being alone can be overcome, and I wish you nothing but happiness.

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

I broke up with my ex 3 months ago, and I met this girl now and she's just the most incredible, extraordinary woman I've ever seen, being with her always makes me the happiest. She knows I'm into her, and she's into me too, we talked about it and she told me she'd wait for me bc I'm not ready rn but the thing is I am so scared... My ex completely broke me, she made so many promises that she broke, she cheated on me after I let her in on everything. She was the only one I ever let in (Nala part1)

She betrayed me and now I'm scared to commit to someone else. I don't want to let anyone in anymore, I'm too sacred to get hurt again, I can't handle being broken again, I have no hope in the future, I don't belive in it, I'm scared that I love that amazing girl, I'm scared to let her in and commit to her and I can't get over this fear, I'm just so scared of when it will end and I will be broken once more and I just can't.. Idk what to do or what to feel, I'm so lost, I'm so alone... (Nala end)

Hi, Nala!

Thank you so much for sending this in. I’m so sorry you feel this way, and I completely understand where you are coming from.

Relationships can feel tricky, but they can also come to us naturally. A good relationship with someone can outweigh any negatives, which is fascinating the way we really dive into it. But they take time, and sometimes we have to make decisions for our own health which is extremely difficult for many reasons.

You said you’ve been hurt by your ex, and putting your emotions and feelings out there for someone else feels both exhilarating at the time and scary. This is okay. Sharing ourselves with someone else is okay, and it is a special part of each relationship which in some ways is vital.

However, I completely understand why you feel hurt and the way that you do. After putting a lot of yourself into a relationship, only for the other person to break that trust, it feels impossible to love again or open yourself up again. This is okay and normal. A lot of people may feel this way while dating or being in relationships, and every feeling of this is valid and important.

When we are hurt physically, we often steer clear of what hurt us. For example, if we hurt our knee from falling off a bike. We would know that we hurt our knee on that bike, and may feel hesitant going back on it or going the same route. This is okay, it is our mind’s way of trying to avoid another injury. It is the same with our feelings and emotions, and withdrawing our trust to anyone is a natural thing to do.

It sounds like a difficult time for you, and you should take as much time as you feel you need to be able to open up. It is wrong for your ex to have made you feel like that, and unfortunately part of getting to know people and exploring relationships may give you unwanted situations and feelings. We must remember that it is a learning experience and we can make it to the next, even if you are not the person in the wrong. At the minute, I know you feel hurt and confused. But do you feel you can take anything from the pain as a learning experience? Could you take anything and say to yourself ‘I am stronger from that’? Even the smallest thing will make you grow as a person and build that strength inside you.

Trust takes time. The girl you described sounds like she cares about you and is really good to you which I’m so happy about. You deserve the love, happiness and support this person is giving you. You do not have to rush, you do not have to wait. Do you feel you could talk to her about the situation you are in? If she knows what you went through and are feeling, she could help support you and go at your pace (if a relationship is what you both want).

Sometimes, we do not even know we are building up the trust between someone else. It happens naturally, and that is beautiful. It can happen just by playing a game or taking a walk. Do not worry too much if you feel you are making no progress, as every journey has some pauses and a varied pace. Focus on how you are feeling day to day, and make that known by something or someone. Whether you decide to open up to your friend or write it down for no one else to see. Express yourself in a way which you can only understand, just to get the feelings out and to be kind to yourself.

I know there is a lot to read and take in here, but here are some last things to think about:

Make sure you go at your own pace

Express yourself and your feelings, embrace them

Talk to your friend, hang out with them, have fun

Make sure you are in a healthy situation at all times; if not, talk about it

Make sure you are happy or allowed to be happy

Know that you are worth it, valid and allowed to have moments of doubt

I really hope this has helped, even just a little. It’s a confusing topic when thinking about our relationships, but we need to ensure we are happy and healthy as well as our partner. Relationships can be fun, exciting and so much more. I hope you are able to find that soon.

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

Thank you so much for answering my asks Admin Rosie and Admin Pauline

Hi darling,

You’re more than welcome lovely! I passed this message onto admin Rosie as well, so that she can adds something if she’d like to. But I’m sure she appreciates this lovely message as much as I do, which is a lot!

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard.

Keep fighting beautiful ❤

Love Pauline

[mental-health-advice]

I've shown signs of OCD since I was younger and I've just now realized they are OCD. I wanna talk to a doctor but when I bring them up to my dad he's says they are just quirks and I'll get over it soon. I've had a big problem with eating and have breakdowns multiple times a day from being in the presence of a food I've deemed 'contaminated'. When my mom sees me having a breakdown she normal just says I'm doing it for attention. I don't know what to do or who to see and my parents aren't helping

Hello! I’m sorry that your parents are not taking how you are feeling seriously, and I know how horrible this may make you feel. Even the slightest moment of doubt or not feeling okay should be taken seriously by those who love you, so I really hope that they are able to see this soon and help you. I really hope that I can give you some options on who else you can approach, as I know feeling alone can often make things worse.

Thank you for sending this in, and I am sorry that you’ve had to feel this way for a while without having any help. However, I admire where you are now in wanting help and knowing the next step is getting help. There are a lot of people out there, just like us, who are more than happy to help. We can help you via our ask system, live chat or even a visual aid (we have a video on what OCD is from one of our admins - I’ll link below!)

Apart from us, the second place I can recommend you taking a look at is our page on getting help. This can prepare you and guide you to have a think about who you may be able to approach, and how to approach them. Again, with anything, you are welcome to talk to any admin here at MHA regarding actually booking appointments or the process after getting help, as those who have been through similar situations may be able to answer questions. Getting help may be scary, and it may make us feel as if things are actually real and happening as opposed to it just being an idea or thought. But, this is okay. Asking for help is scary, but it is also a brave and relieving thing to do. Sharing how you are feeling can lift such a weight off your shoulders, especially when you are taken seriously and are listened to.

Another opportunity for you to talk to someone is web counselling - we have a page dedicated to this service, and they can often refer you to something more local which may be of help. Some of those on the counselling service may be trained in specific areas to help you see where to go next. Do you feel you have any close friends who you may be able to talk to? Sharing this with them if you feel you can could really help the process, as you would be able to have someone help with talking to others, or simply just being a listener. I encourage you to do so if you feel you can.

If you are still in school, or any education system, there should be a member of staff who is dedicated to student wellbeing. I encourage you to reach out to them and perhaps just see if you could talk to them on lunch or break. Talking to this staff member will act as a great support in school, as well as them referring you to other resources to help you with your wellbeing. They cannot diagnose you, but they may be able to help with techniques for any symptoms or feelings you experience. They may even be able to accompany you to talking to your parents about this.

My final option for you is to sit down with your parents and talk to them about how they are making you feel. I know this is a scary option, and it may not be possible which is completely okay. Whether alone, with a guidance counsellor or even a friend, talking to your parents and explaining things may resolve a lot. Your parents may be confused or simply not have the information needed to understand, and offering that information could bring up their support and help. It is completely okay if you feel you cannot go down this route, though. I understand talking to parents is easier said than done in a lot of cases, and there are a lot of ways to go about this that I have outlined above.

I really hope this has helped, and that you are able to go down one road to getting help which I have explained. You are always welcome to come back for more information and advice, whether it be via our ask system or live chat. I believe in you, you’ve got this.

OCD

Getting Help

Web Counselling

Back to School

OCD - MHA YouTube

All the best,

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

Hi! I was wondering if you could help me. I can't seem to focus on anything and I'm so forgetful it's embarrassing. I usually have 2 or 3 things in front of me to do because I can't seem to focus on just one thing so it helps that I can switch from one thing to another and back again. I even did it while writing this... Idk what's wrong with me, I can't focus in class and homework/assignments that hours longer than they should. Idk what to do or where to look for help. Anything helps thank!

Hello! Thank you for sending this in, and I’m sorry for the delay in response. I completely understand how you may be feeling, and it is very frustrating when we cannot concentrate or remember things. I really hope I can help with sharing some of my techniques.

Our concentration can often jump to places for a number of reasons, and it causes us to leave things unfinished or have to spend a lot more time on something than we should. I personally take hours on assignments, when it should take no more than one. I end up sitting down, determined to complete it but instead finding myself distracted and letting my mind focus on something else, instead of the task I am currently doing. I am still working on this, and I have gotten better with some techniques I have been carrying out;

The first thing I did was to create a weekly planner. I made it on my whiteboard, and separated it into 8 columns (one for every day of the week, and an extra one for notes). I was able to then plan when I was going to do what, even if it was something small like post a letter or work an hour on some work. I found it really rewarding when I could rub a task off after completing it, and finding the day blank where I had finished my tasks and had time to relax. This doesn’t necessarily have to be used if you worry about forgetting things, and I believe you can use it to help focus your time into one task and focus on finishing it. Do you feel this could help, or you could give it a try? Is there anything about this you would change?

The second thing I have begun to do is create reminders on my phone for important things. I am able to give it a date it must be done by and, using this with the weekly calendar, I can work out when I need to work on it to get it done in time. This contributes to focusing on one task at a time and not forgetting it, however the environment you are in also takes part in how we work and focus. Here are some tips I have learnt:

Sitting in a room you perhaps don’t usually sit in

Make sure your chair is comfortable

Make sure it is not too hot, or too cold

Sit next to a plant, or have a plant on your desk

Leave your phone in another room, along with any other device you do not need

Divide the task up until little pieces; eg. 5 minutes working, 5 minutes break and so on

Reward yourself when you complete a task!

Have a glass of water by your side

I believe all of these contribute to our focus, especially the room we are in and the distractions we have. Sometimes, people work best with music. I personally don’t work well with music, as I often find myself singing along or listening to the lyrics and ending up losing track of what I am doing.

If you are struggling with school work, there should always be someone at your school who will be available to talk to regarding this. There may be an after school or lunch club where you can go along specifically to work on your assignments, all while a teacher is present for help. Do you feel this may be something to consider?

The final tip I would encourage you to do is dedicate some time, perhaps each day or week, to relax and breathe. Whether we are busy or not, it is always healthy and okay to take a few hours out of an evening to perhaps have a hot bath or have a nice meal. Allowing ourselves this time can help a lot when coming to times where we need to focus, as our stress levels can be reduced.

I really hope these tips might help you, and that you are able to mix it up a little to find what environment you work best in. You are more than welcome however to come back to us with anymore questions, or simply another opinion on this via ask or live chat. You can do this, I believe in you! One day at a time.

Sleeping

Mindfulness

All the best,

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

My friend is telling me that she is psychologicaly abusing me but I don't think she is, what are the signs I'm being psychologicaly abused? Tag Annie

Hello! I am so sorry to hear this, and about the delay in response from us. I am more than happy to tell you the signs and symptoms of psychological abuse. I hope this gives you more of an idea of the situation you may be in.

Psychological abuse can be difficult to identify without proper diagnosis, and can stay difficult to spot for years. However, identifying signs and symptoms can make this a little easier towards stepping in the right direction. It’s important that if your friend feels this way, then it must be addressed. Do you feel you could talk to your friend about why she feels this way? Could you get to know her motives, and figure out with her how she could change this motive? Your friend may not be doing this intentionally and it’s important to remember this. There are ways for you and your friend to get through this without harming the relationship. My first piece of advice would be to sit down with her and talk about it in depth.

If you are worried about her, then you have every right to approach a healthcare professional or someone who may be able to help in terms of therapy or talking to your friend. We have a page on getting help, and even web counselling. Do you feel you could approach your friend and show her these pages?

Psychological abuse signs and symptoms include:

Name calling

Yelling

Insulting the person

Threatening the person or threatening to take away something that is important to them

Imitating or mocking the person

Swearing at them

Ignoring

Isolating the person

Excluding them from meaningful events or activities

These have been taken from healthy place, which I will link below. If you believe you relate to a number of these points, then I encourage you to talk to your friend and, if you feel you need to, approach a professional.

Another question I’d like to ask; how do you feel about this? Whether it be that you can relate to some of those points or not, do you feel that your friend is psychologically abusing you? If so, do you feel it has affected you?

We are always here to help, whether it be for you friend or yourself. We are happy to help and talk to you, via ask or live chat where possible. You and your friend can get through this, and although it may feel confusing and you may feel lost at the minute you will and can figure this out.

I really hope this has helped, and that you feel you are able to talk to your friend and approach her, us or a professional.

Getting Help

Web Counselling

Healthy Place

All the best,

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

What is it when you’re doing something completely normal and suddenly bad thoughts happen. Such as driving and horribly imagining yourself and your best friend in a car accident (even though she’s not in the car) and having to tell her parents you killed her? I get this on a daily basis and multiple times and different situations. :/

Hello! Thank you very much for sending this in, and I’m sorry for the wait you’ve had for it to be answered. I really hope I can help you with what you are going through, and that you find the resources and advice a good guidance.

I completely understand what you mean, and you are not alone in this. It sounds like you are experiencing intrusive thoughts, and this could be caused by a number of things. However, I do not particularly like to focus on the reasons unless necessary. If you feel you need to understand why these are happening then that is okay and it is important to you. It is also okay to not want to find the reason - whichever is best for you.

Intrusive thoughts are thoughts that are unwanted, feel uncontrollable, and often contain disturbing or distressing themes (eg what you have described).

4 out of 5 people experience intrusive thoughts, and these can range from similar ones as you’ve described about loved ones or thoughts about yourself. When these happen, we can become incredibly anxious and isolated which only contributes negatively to our mental health. An important thing to remember is that you are not alone. We are always here to talk to you and try our best to help, and other people are experiencing similar thoughts to you. This is not weird and you are not broken, you are simply experiencing these unwanted thoughts. And you can most certainly reduce and get rid of them.

One thing which I recommend to a lot of people to help with similar struggles is creating a mantra to repeat to ourselves when we have a bad thought. For example, “I am not my thoughts and I am in control”. Do you feel you could come up with your own mantra and try it out next time you have a thought? I found this very useful myself, and sometimes a simple sentence that we believe can be the most powerful of methods.

However, not every method works best for everyone. This is okay, as we all have our own ways of coping and getting through things. If creating your own mantra does not work, that is okay. There are other ways.

On our MHA tumblr page, we have a section for distractions. This page can be used for a number of things and intrusive thoughts, I feel, is one of them. When you have an unwanted thought, could you perhaps busy your mind with something else? Cleaning? Drawing? Suduko? I encourage you to check this page out, and have a look at some of the potential distractions you could use.

Intrusive thoughts also can be a common symptom of OCD, and although I cannot diagnose you I encourage you to check out our page for it. I also have an external website on intrusive thoughts which may be more helpful, but I encourage you to check out these two pages. I cannot say what you may or may not have, but reading up on mental health issues can often give us more of an idea of what we are struggling with and how to cope and who to talk to.

My final piece of advice would be to talk about these thoughts. When I experienced intrusive thoughts, I was lucky enough to have a best friend I was close enough with to talk to about them when they started to scare me. Talking about these thoughts, simply to get them out and not put an end to them, really helped in reducing the thoughts and the fear. We are always here for you via ask or live chat, and talking about things can make a lot of difference.

You are in control, and can be again. I believe in you.

Intrusive Thoughts

OCD

Distractions

Getting Help

All the best,

Rosie