#mia definately has taken some pictures of him...

[sk3letical]

Some polaroids of mold dad and mold baby

[bluesylveon2]

My My I Could Never Let You Go

Summary: Sasha Zoe just wants her dad to walk her down the aisle. There is only one problem: she doesn't know who her dad is! Sasha invites 3 men in hopes of finding out which one is her father. What could possibly go wrong?

Pairings: Levi x Hange, Sasha x Niccolo, and other background relationships

Disclaimer: This is a Levihan Mamma Mia au. This fanfic is inspired by Mamma Mia which is directed by Phyllida Loyd, written by Catherine Johnson, and uses music from the pop group ABBA. Attack on Titan is a manga/anime series written by Hajime Isayama and published by Kondasha

A/N: Is it too late to say that Sasha’s wedding takes place in the first week of August? (edit: I realized my mistake and I fixed it) Tbh this chapter is short and just filler BUT it does set up what will happen in the next few chapters. You could say it helps with the subplot. I did make a few edits to the fic, especially last chapter because I’m nit-picky like that. 

Need to catch up? Catch up here!

Ch 8: Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy

2 months before the wedding

It was a beautiful, sunny day in Kalokairi, and Hanami could not agree more as she sips her coffee in front of the Swell Cafe Bar.

The smell from her coffee was wafting her nose, the warm sunlight on her sun-kissed skin, the beautiful view, and the slight breeze that moved her sundress a bit were perfect for her. 

She tapped her foot to the music playing in the background. The owners were playing an old 80's jazz song. Hanami wasn't familiar with it, but she liked listening to the beat. She also noticed the waiter shyly glancing at her every now and then as he worked. 

Aw, she thought. It seems like he's too shy to walk up to her. He kept subtly glancing at her since she sat down. 

Hanami looks in the man's direction and gives him a bright smile and a small wave, causing the guy to blush and look away with embarrassment for getting caught. 

Hanami chuckles to herself. She considered winking at him, but she didn't want the poor guy to blush much. 

She rests her head on her palm, and her gaze returns back to the sea. She reflects on what has happened in the past few months.

2 months ago, during Easter break, Jean approached her with a plan to win over Mikasa. At the time, Hanami was unsure if he would be able to pull it off. Everyone knows how much Mikasa likes (is that even the right word?) Eren. Yet, everyone knows about Jean’s huge crush on Mikasa. 

She only agreed after Jean offered to pay for everything during their "meet-ups" (she insisted that they take turns instead and Jean agreed), assist her with her Maid of Honor duties for the wedding when she had to go back to college (Hanami did her best to exclude him from anything related to Sasha’s dads), and do any other favors for a year. Hanami knew Jean was serious after the conditions. 

You see, Hanami used to not like Jean back in high school. He was cocky, arrogant, and annoying (at least to her and (not)surprisingly, Eren). Hanami made sure to express her dislike for him. However, Jean changed after an incident when Marco broke his right leg and Jean was too late to stop it. He became more mature and considerate of his friends. As a result, both he and Hanami decided they could be friends, and everything went from there. 

And so, Hanami agreed with one condition: Jean must teach her how to dance. 

The reason being is Hanami’s Austrian friends invited her to one of the many balls held during ball season in Austria. Everyone in Hanami’s friend group knows she cannot dance, especially in heels. 

Luckily for her, Jean was the only available guy with a decent enough dance experience to teach her. 

(All the guys agreed that Jean was the best dancer of all of them. Eren is a close second.)

The two would sometimes bicker, but they had each other's backs. They define their friendship as comfortable, per se; they were comfortable enough to actually kiss each other to get out of a sticky situation.

Hanami could remember an incident a few days ago when Sasha decided that the two, plus her and Niccolo, to take a trip to Skiathos to take a break from all the wedding plans. They had settled for a party at a local beach bar at night. Skiathos is known as a party island after all. Niccolo and Sasha had separated from the group to swim in the sea, so Jean offered to buy Hanami a drink since they were alone. 

About 10 minutes had passed since and Jean did not return, so Hanami went out to find him. She did not expect to find him at a table near the bar surrounded by girls without holding any drinks. Despite how cocky Jean looks, he cares about personal space and making sure his friends are ok. He would hate it if someone decided to harass Hanami while he was gone. 

The girls were getting a bit too close to him, so Hanami decided to step in. She strutted to his side while ignoring the other girls and proclaimed how much she missed him. She then grabs his hand and subtly squeezes it, to which he squeezes it back, giving her permission to do what she was about to do. 

Jean had turned to face Hanami, wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulled her close to his body. Hanami looks up at him and grabs the collar of his shirt with both hands. She pulls him down for a kiss while ignoring the other girls who were still present. She wrapped her arms around her neck, while Jean's hands played with the hem of her cover-up. It was nothing sweet and cute like what normal couples do. Their kiss was more heated and was enough for the other girls to leave them alone. 

They never brought it up again just for their own sakes. Jean and Hanami made an agreement to help each other by acting as if they were dating as practice for Mikasa. Hence why they kissed during the party. The two even agreed to squeeze each other’s hands as a sign if they were comfortable to proceed. Jean had no experience with dating, and Hanami had one boyfriend back in high school. She had more experience with dating than him. 

(Hanami only mentioned that Jean had improved on his kissing skills and left it at that).

Hanami continues looking at the view as she waits for Jean. Apparently, he requested that they meet up one more time, and this is very important. Hanami questioned why this meeting was important. Did they not cover everything in the plan? Is there a plot hole they might have missed? She does not turn her head when she hears the man of the hour heading in her direction.

“You’re late. If you came any later, then I would go on a date with the waiter instead,” she teases and turns around to fully face him. He wore a white long-sleeve button-up shirt that he rolled up the sleeves. He also had on slacks and a pair of dress shoes. She found it strange that he decided to dress nicely when it was only 10 am. Usually, he dresses in casual clothes. She eyes the camera in his hands.

Jean sits in the chair across from her and places the camera on the table. “This is not a date, Hanami.” He dismissed with no hint of a laugh anywhere. “I’ve-” he hesitates for a second. “-been thinking about something lately.” 

“Oh,” Hanami says and leans forward a bit. She noticed his hesitation and folded her hands on top of the table. She gestures to the camera on the table, “What’s with the camera?” 

"I’m just practicing for school. I need to take a picture of something I admire and paint it for the school's art exhibit."

Hanami chuckles. "Too bad Mikasa is not here. She is the perfect subject for your painting."

Jean shifts around in his seat uncomfortably. Hanami notices but does not ask about it out loud. Why did he look uncomfortable? She thought he would at least agree with her. 

"About that..the plan with Mikasa..." He trails off, sounding almost uncertain and confused. 

"What’s up?." Hanami asks and raises an eyebrow. She was taken aback. Did Jean notice a hole in their plan? She sits up and stares at him intensely. She's getting the answer one way or another.

“Did we miss something with the plan?”

Hanami knew that Mikasa would not arrive at Kalokairi until days before or maybe the day before the wedding. Jean’s plan was a long shot. Who knows if Mikasa would fall for him in such a short amount of time. Then again, they have been friends for a while now.

“No...It’s nothing,” He says dismissively. Hanami raises an eyebrow. Jean was never this jumpy during their past meet-ups. She is not one to pry, but something is clearly on Jean’s mind and he was the one who insisted on meeting up today. Looks like she might have to play a secret weapon.

“Ohhhkayyy,” she says, holding out the word. She slumps in her seat, feigning disappointment. 

“Don’t tell me you’re backing out of the plan? It would be a shame to put all that time to waste.” Suddenly, she smiles a wicked smile.

 “Don’t you agree, Jeanbo?”

Jean breaks out of his trance and looks at Hanami with shock. He was speechless. Jean could name only two people from his friend group who knew his childhood nickname. Marco, for obvious reasons, and Armin. Armin found out on accident and promised Jean not to tell anyone.  How did she know? 

Checkmate.

“How do you know that?” Jean asks with a hint of fear. 

Hanami places her elbows on the table and rests her hands on her head. “How did I know?” She smiles slyly and raises her eyebrows.

“I met your mother last summer when Sasha and I were visiting Annie in Paris. Sasha wanted to take a road trip around France, and we ended up in Strasbourg as a stop for some sightseeing. You should’ve seen how shocked we were to find your mom in town. She was even shocked when we mentioned that we knew you! It’s a good thing we recognized her from the various letters she sent and the old photos.”

Hanami looks at Jean, who is still speechless. She continues her story.

“You were on your trip in Spain with Marco at the time, so the girls and your mom wanted to keep it a secret. Don't want to ruin the surprise, you know?"

Hanami chuckles to herself.

"Although she did ask if one of us was your girlfriend though. I think she wants grandchildren soon, Jeanbo.”

Hanami laughs at her little joke. Jean was too busy blushing to even laugh at her joke. Doesn’t his mom know that he is too young for that?! He decided to take note to never bring any of his female friends back home. 

“Anyways, she even made us her famous omelets, which were the best I ever had! You have to make me someday, Jean. Don't even try to back out of it. Your mom said you could make it." She looks at him  

She even showed us your baby pictures! You look so adorable!" she gushes. 

Meanwhile, Jean has not said a word. He was too shocked to even talk. 

"It's too bad you changed…" Hanami trails off and glances into Jean's golden-brown eyes. Suddenly, she stands up from her seat and leans forward. One of her hands rested on the table for support, and the other was reaching out to Jean's face. 

Jean only watches as Hanami gently grabs his chin. He was too flustered to make any move to stop her. Her thumb was in the front, and the rest of her fingers were in the back. He doesn't make a move to stop her. He only blushes instead. 

"You just had to grow a beard and your hair out into a mullet. You know, most guys can’t work it, yet here you are. Congrats, I guess."

She tilts his head left and right as if she was examining him. She leans closer to his face that Jean can feel her breaths fan his face. 

"You also got taller and muscular too." She tsks with slight annoyance. "I wonder why no other girls on the island haven't jumped you yet, huh, lover-boy?." She laughs while referring to the fact that Jean harbors a crush on Mikasa for years now. 

Her hand trailed up from his chin to cup his cheek. Jean stays still and continues to watch by looking into Hanami's espresso brown eyes behind her glasses. He hoped she could not see him short-circuiting with how close she was. 

He feels her shift the hand on his cheek to pinch him. Hard.

"Ow! What the hell, Hanami?"

"You just had to lose all that baby fat and get a sharp jawline instead! I’m going to miss the pinchable cheeks I never actually got to see!"

Jean breaks out of his trance and raises his hands up to stop Hanami. 

Two can play this game. What was the best thing to do in this situation? Grab both her cheeks as retaliation.

"You hypocrite! You're the one with chubbier cheeks than me!" 

The two continue pulling at each other’s cheeks and throwing insults at one another. They completely ignored that they were in a public area and people nearby can see them. There was an elderly couple nearby who watched the scene unfold. They couldn’t help but laugh to themselves because it reminded them of when they were young. The waiter from earlier was starting to doubt his impression of Hanami. Who knew she was also childish?

Hanami and Jean’s bickering went on for a few minutes until Hanami gave in.

“Ok. Ok. You win, Jean!” she says after sitting back down in her seat. She rubs her now sore cheek. Yeesh, that guy has a grip.

She looks up at Jean’s face. It looks more relaxed and not as tense as before as a result of earlier. 

Hanami mentally high-fived herself because her plan of getting Jean out of his whatever he was going through was a success. Now it was time to get serious.

“Jean. I can tell something is on your mind.” She reaches forward to place one hand on top of his on the table. She does not make any motion to hold it.  

“It’s fine if you don’t want to tell me specifically. However, just know that I am here for you, and I am happy to listen. I promise not to say anything.” She finishes with a smile.

Jean gulps and takes his hand away to tug on the collar of his shirt. Hanami just watches him patiently. 

“It’s about the plan with Mikasa...I think we need to change tactics.”

Hanami crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow. “How so?”

“We...need to get Mikasa jealous.” 

Hanami chuckles a bit. She has never seen Mikasa jealous in all of her years knowing her. Unless you consider that one instance with Annie training him, but Hanami thinks Annie didn’t view Eren that way. Hanami could not help but wonder how they can get Mikasa to feel jealous of a random girl with Jean in a short amount of time. Again, it depends on when Mikasa and Historia arrive.

“How do you plan on achieving that, Jean?” Hanami asks and takes a sip of her coffee. Things are starting to get interesting now.

“How are things with the bachelorette party?” Jeans suddenly ask, changing the topic. Hanami places her cup down on the table and looks at him suspiciously.

“Well, it is definitely going to be at the hotel plaza. Sasha had requested it there. Oh! Hange and her band are going to perform too. Hange wants to relive her glory days, or so she says. Why do you ask?”

Jean presses his lips in a thin line as if he was contemplating what to say next. 

“I need your help with something for the bachelorette party.”

Hanami’s suspicious look never left her face. She takes some time to think about what Jean just said. 

Suddenly, it all clicked in her head. She points an accusatory finger at him and glares at Jean.

“Don’t tell me you plan on inviting male strippers to the bachelorette party?!” Hamani yells and startles Jean as well as some passersby. 

“No! Do you want me to get killed by practically this whole island?!” Jean exclaims, leaning forward in his seat to cover Hanami’s mouth. He keeps it there for a minute before leaning back to take a deep breath. Of course, Hanami would quickly jump to conclusions.

“No.” He says again calmly. “I need your help setting me up with-” He glances around him, looking slightly unsure. “-Rico when she arrives.”

Hanami looks at him dumbfounded. “Come again?”

Jean sighs and looks at Hanami with a serious face. “You heard me. I want you to set me up with Rico.”

“Rico? As in Rico Brzenska, the three-time divorcee? You do realize she is old enough to be your mom, right?”

“Of course I know that! It’s all part of getting Mikasa jealous!”.

Hanami nods her head, trying to understand whatever just came out of Jean’s mouth. To her, it sounded as if he must have gone mad or something. “Uh-huh. Do you plan on going after Pieck next?”

“No! She’s married!” He exclaims while blushing.

Hanami smirks and crosses her arms in front of her chest with triumph. “Exactly.” 

Jean rubs his temples and looks at Hanami with a serious face. “Look, Niccolo came up with an idea about crashing the bachelorette party. Of course, we will make sure to let you have your fun before the guys come in.”

Hanami nods along, showing Jean she is following the story. “So you want me to help you get close enough to “seduce” her (she uses air quotes on the word seduce) that you end up dancing with her at the party and hope that Mikasa notices? Let me guess, you plan on adding more attempts right before the wedding and maybe at the reception?”

“Exactly. You can even try to put in a good word for me when Mikasa comes.”

Hanami nods again in understanding. “Ok, but I won’t do it for every interaction, ok? Only if it is just us two. I don’t want the other girls to raise suspicions if I start complimenting you randomly. Also-” She clamps her hands together. “-I won’t gatekeep Mikasa from Eren. If they want to talk, then I will let them talk. I don’t want to raise any suspicions between the two if that makes sense.”

Jean nods in agreement. “Ok. That sounds like a deal. You will help put in a good word for me to Mikasa, I can try talking to Rico before the party, we will work together to get me close to Rico. You also can't tell Mikasa about my old nickname. It's embarrassing enough that more people know it.” He holds his hand out for Hanami to shake.

Hanami laughs at how serious Jean was. She thought it was kind of funny to see how dedicated he was to this plan. She shakes his hand to seal the agreement. “I promise not to tell Mikasa, Jean. I do have some doubts about the Rico part. I don't mind saying ‘I told you so’ if things go south.”

She places her hand back down on the table and looks at Jean. She smiles, and it even catches him off guard. “You put a lot of effort into this, Jean. You deserve to be happy with Mikasa.” 

“Y-y-yeah. You’re right.” Jean rubs the back of his head nervously, causing Hanami to laugh again. 

Hanami continues smiling as she stands up and grabs Jean’s hand. “C’mon! I paid last time, so it’s your turn to pay for the food and I’m very hungry! I’m craving some walnut pie with ice cream!”

Jean never questioned her request. That woman had a sweet tooth second to Annie’s. He sighs as Hanami lets go of his hand to call over a waiter and start ordering a whole list of food.

This woman is going to be the death of him.

©: This is where I insert all rights reserved stuff. This story belongs to me. Do not modify or republish

I know this is a filler chapter, but I am currently working on ch 9 right now. It is a good way to look at Hanami’s character though.

Updates may take a while because the semester is about to end

I chose Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy because I can see it fitting Jean and the many Nicosasha Tiktoks I used to get with this song. 

The timing in this fic might be weird because I try to make it somewhat accurate with the research I find.

Speaking of research, this fic is basically a list of places I want to go to in the future. Too bad I can’t go now 😭

[heroesreverie]

SKSK HI ITS MIA AGAIN. I’m too happy it’s so late omg-, anYways I’d like to request shinso with a s/o who’s like him? Like chill and laid back but also has a “villainous” quirk? Bonus points if their insecure about it and shinso helps them through their insecurities 💞💕💞. We stan a cute and wholesome request 😌👊

a/n: hello again mia!! this was very fun to write i love shinsou a lot!! i do indeed “stan” your request :) I left the quirk unspecified and as always a gender neutral reader!!! hope you enjoy dearie 💓

shinsou x reader

he first notices you at the sports festival

he knows your name before your face- “villainous” is being thrown around in bitter, vicious tones, but for once it’s not been thrown at him

shinsou is almost offended as he escapes the crowds to grab some water; however much he hates it, isn’t that his thing? has the one thing that defines him been taken away from him also?

when he returns to the stands you’re at the front of everyone’s minds just before you begin your fight against a 1B student

“have you seen their quirk? i wouldn’t fight against them if you paid me”

“the league of villains is probably watching the festival just to recruit them” giggles one girl as her friend elbows her in the ribs, suppressing a laugh herself

“shut up! they’ll probably kill you in your sleep if you keep talking about them”

shinsou grits his teeth, but he’s well used to this type of talk, so he focuses his mind on you

the first thing he notices about you is the calm that surrounds you

your resolve to do your best is apparent from the crowds, and while every other competitor has been a nervous wreck, you show no signs of bother or worry

it’s admirable, shinsou thinks, and he is surprised to find a small smile growing on his face

as the match begins, it’s clear to see why some close-minded people may view your quirk is villainous

shinsou thinks he understands now. you’re powerful, you’re skilled, you’re talented, and these people are intimidated by you

but not him! hitoshi finds himself uplifted, inspired even, regardless of whether you won or lost the match

after the festival he nonchalantly attempts to try and bump into you

unbeknownst to him, you are also looking for the purple haired cutie you saw deku fight earlier

before even speaking to each other, your hearts guide you to each other, desperate to find someone like them who understands

and luckily for you both, chance is on your side

while rounding a corner, you bump into something solid and warm- the chest of the very attractive hero-in-training you’ve been searching for

“ahhh!!! it’s you!!!”

his eyes are wide as they lock into yours, both of you feeling like jigsaw pieces finally spotted together

“you’re like me” is all he says, and you understand

you’ve both been torn down for most of your lives for something out of your control, and finally there is someone else who gets you

it doesn’t take long for you both to start dating, and when you do, it’s like a dream!!

he may appear lazy, but he is the most dedicated boyfriend you could ask for

the calm aura you radiate is the most wonderful thing to him, and many dates will be spent cuddled up against a warm toshi with his arms around you and his face buried in your hair

you do each other’s hair

he likes to run his fingers through your hair (he is a god at head massages) and you like to experiment fun hairstyles on his surprisingly compliant locks

he also likes to walk you to and from class; shinsou finds your presence extremely soothing

not big on pda but will most definitely hold your hand on little walks

will get extremely grouchy if confronted about it, but when he can’t sleep he looks at pictures of you to calm his heart

once you encourage him to call you if he can’t sleep, you may get the delight of hearing his deep croaky sleepy voice

it’s enough to send someone to heaven trust me

study buddies also

if you’re already in the hero course, you help this cutie pie train for joining the hero course as well

(while desperately playing he’ll be in your class)

aizawa sees the change and happiness you’ve caused in his student, and wholeheartedly approves of you

eri keeps questioning shinsou “when you’re going to marry y/n so they come over and we can play dress up more often !!!”

this boy has heart eyes for you and you only

he can be slightly jealous sometimes, but only because he loves you more than he can say

he’s never possessive to the point of controlling you, but certainly expect a few hickeys and his strong arm sling over you if someone gets a bit too close for his liking

if you get insecure about your quirk, hitoshi will be on you in an instant

you’re his soulmate, the love of his life; he’s never going to allow you to look at yourself with the same despair that he used to look at himself with

“oi, kitten” he’ll say, as you stare with watering eyes down at your hands after a particularly scathing remark

“who cares what they think? you are a hero, a better hero than they could ever dream of being. they see you, with your amazing quirk, your stunning looks, your personality brighter than the sun, and they are so disgustingly jealous that they want to put you down. that’s it, and you can’t let their insecurities prevent you from being happy”

his long finger will tilt your chin up, looking into your eyes as his forehead presses against yours

“so never stop loving yourself, my love. even if you do, i have enough love for the both of us”

you two are practically promised to each other from that moment on

and funnily enough, the mean incidents appear to stop as you and shinsou walk with a brightened spring in your step

you have each other, and that’s all you could ever ask for

[deadagainmaevepetre]

— PEER INTO MY MUSE’S MEMORIES

❤️- A happy memory that makes them smile

💙- A sad memory that makes them cry

💛- A memory that makes them feel angry

💚- A memory that makes them feel guilty

💜- A memory about one of their loved ones, happy or sad

💔- A memory that leaves them feeling lonely

❣- A memory that leaves them laughing

featuring @evcravens​ & @dukemassetti​

💓- A memory about their friends

featuring @julianaxcapulet​ & @stlapin​

💗- A memory about a good deed they did

💖- A memory that made them feel special

💝- A memory that made them feel loved

💘- A memory that gets their heart pounding

featuring @dukemassetti​

❤️- A happy memory that makes them smile

the sun clinging to her lashes. a dirt path surrounded by blossoms. a woman’s hand in hers. she is not maeve’s mother, but she is the closest thing maeve has. signora fiore guides maeve through her secret garden. all these years, maeve thought it was only a backyard. she did not expect to find flowers blooming from the earth everywhere. she learns the name of each bud and helps signora fiore take care of them all. when she asks if she can sleep in the garden, signora fiore laughs and says maybe one day. before she runs home, signora fiore gives her a single sunflower. to bring joy to your home, she tells maeve. maeve tucks it under her pillow.

💙- A sad memory that makes them cry

amalia is her first girlfriend — or at least, the first thing to come close to being a girlfriend. the two hold hands on their way to school and come close to kissing once in awhile, until maeve begins giggling or her ears turn bright red with embarrassment. one night, amalia doesn’t call, but maeve doesn’t mind; she’s been busy with bunny, making flower crowns and finding the sweetest treat in the city. in the morning, she waits for amalia in front of their usual spot to walk to school together; amalia doesn’t show. at school, maeve goes to school to find amalia kissing another girl, who she does not recognize. when confronted, amalia says plainly: “you love without being asked, and that’s why it’s hard to want you. you’re too easy, maeve. it’s just not fun.”

💛- A memory that makes them feel angry

when she asks her papa why he became a capulet, he tells her that it’s for her mamma. to avenge her. to make the montagues pay. when maeve tells him, with anger and love joined in her voice, of the rot it has birthed inside of him and their hometown, he laughs. “you are a child. what do you know? the capulets would eat you alive and spit your bones out after. you will never understand.” she promises him then, that she will prove him wrong.

💚- A memory that makes them feel guilty

what is stronger: a full heart or an empty stomach? maeve learns the answer when a neighbor invites her inside after seeing her wandering around alone in the neighborhood. she lost her house keys, and she’s waiting for her papa to come home and let her in. sitting at her neighbor’s dining room table, maeve is supposed to do her homework but it’s boring. she hates numbers. as she stares at her multiplication tables, her stomach yowls with anger and need. the neighbor is taking a nap. with frequent glances towards the bedroom door, maeve opens the fridge and yelps softly. 

so many sweets! and fruit! and juice! what starts off as just one strawberry turns into the whole carton. one piece of a cupcake turns into three. by the end of the afternoon, maeve has demolished every sweet thing in her neighbor’s fridge. the neighbor doesn’t realize as she waves goodbye from her doorstep, and maeve blushes bright red when she tells her papa she doesn’t want dinner. she avoids walking on that part of town for years after.

💜- A memory about one of their loved ones, happy or sad

when her papa comes to her bedroom in the middle of the night, he thinks she’s asleep. maeve pretends she is, but she smiles when he presses a kiss to her temple. she can tell he’s been drinking; the stench sticks to him like putty or glue. “stella mia, my sweet girl,” he tells her. then he hugs her so tight that only a drunk man would believe it wouldn’t wake a little girl. in the dark, maeve smiles and holds the moment close. it’s when he calls her stella mia that she hears what he can’t bring himself to ever say: i love you.

💔- A memory that leaves them feeling lonely

her papa is loud when he comes home. he curses loudly and slurs so much that she’s not sure she completely understands him. she peeks out of her bedroom door, and just barely catches the sight of him grabbing a vase of violets and throwing it to the ground. maeve cries out, a mewling kitten in sudden agony. her papa doesn’t hear over the sound of his yelling, so she waits until he’s gone into his room to start picking up the ceramic pieces. she does not cry, though she can’t help but sniffle. in the morning, he doesn’t remember much and apologizes for the mess after maeve asks a neighbor to come help. he doesn’t notice that the violets are nowhere to be found, saved in a small box of the other flowers her papa killed. 

❣- A memory that leaves them laughing

everett and orion are arguing again, and maeve munches on popcorn as she watches. literally — she just bought some popcorn from the grocery store on her way to everett’s home and they’re too busy fighting to notice her snacking. but when orion starts imitating everett, she has to cut in. “that’s not what everett sounds like!” uncurling from her spot on the couch, maeve stands with her spine so erect that she’s almost bending backwards. “listen here young man, you are not to use that foul, young-people language around me ever again!” she says sternly, wagging her finger at orion for emphasis.

it spirals from there. the look on everett’s face — so offended and horrified at the behavior of the soldier who just joined his borgata a few days prior — makes her and orion laugh until they’re crying. then he joins in on the fun, mimicking orion. when it’s clear he’s too kind to mock maeve, orion decides to do so instead. suddenly, the three of them are taking turns and doubling over, breathless with laughter. 

she wishes she had taken a picture of that moment, when they went from a team to a family.

💕- A memory about their significant other

N/A

💞- A memory about their children

N/A

💓- A memory about their friends

juliana, bunny and maeve are having a picnic. the clouds drift lazily along in the sky, and juliana points out the interesting shapes they make in the sky. bunny dips a chocolate-covered strawberry onto her tongue. maeve sits with her back against the tree that gives them shade, watching them both without a word. her heart swells with love for her friends. the girls who have known her her entire life, the girls who have come to define all that maeve is. when bunny asks what maeve is thinking about, she answers honestly: “how much i love you both.” with a private glance between the two of them, juliana and bunny creep closer until finally, they tackle maeve to the ground and begin tickling her until she’s gasping and begging for a break. 

“serves you right for being cute,” juliana says.

“it’s what you deserve,” bunny agrees.

then it’s maeve’s turn to tackle them with a sweeping hug, stretching her arms as far as they’ll go. “i don’t care, i’d do it again.”

“now you’re really asking for it,” bunny smiles with a wicked gleam in her eye. and so the cycle repeats. it’s the perfect afternoon.

💗- A memory about a good deed they did

on the anniversary of her mother’s death, maeve spends her entire paycheck on flowers — whatever is in season and fully bloomed. she spends the rest of the day passing them out to children. boys and girls who she sees without a parent. whether it’s because their guardians have passed or are just not there at that exact moment, maeve spends her entire afternoon passing out small gifts. she hopes it makes them happy. she knows it would have made her happy when she was their age.

💖- A memory that made them feel special

this entire thread okay

💝- A memory that made them feel loved

it’s her sixteenth birthday, and her papa remembered. he takes the day off work (even capulet work, which she finds out later). he makes breakfast, simple but still homemade. he tries to make a cake for her, although she ends up finding out and babysitting him through the entire process. he watches her favorite movies with her, goes shopping at the flea market with her. he listens to her stories and even shares a few of his own: what it was like growing up, how he met her mother, how her mother cried and cried when she found out she was pregnant. at the end of the day, she kisses him on the cheek as she says goodnight and he pulls her close for the rare hug. “you are the best thing in my life, stella mia.” he doesn’t say i love you, but he doesn’t have to. 

“i love you too, papa. more than life.”

it’s her best birthday yet.

💘- A memory that gets their heart pounding

it’s a deal gone wrong, and there are four men closing in on her and orion.

she pulls out her knife, but her hand is shaking; she’s never used it against anything but a practice dummy before.

she ends up using hand-to-hand combat more often, using only the hilt of the blade against her opponents. she and orion manage to knock them unconscious by themselves, and she’s breathing hard with her heart almost ripping out of her throat every time it beats.

“nice, i almost thought — hey, hey, what are you doing!”

one by one, orion methodically slits their throats with a knife of his own. “just look away. or close your eyes.”

“but i—”

“miranda.” his voice is a warning. 

“okay. fine.” she closes her eyes. she doesn’t forget what orion is doing, but it does help her heart calm down and her breathing to return to normal. she decides, then, that if orion knows her well enough to give her sound advice, she’ll trust him. even if he’s killing someone as she’s deciding that she likes him, after all.

[ask-shaofisha]

Confessions

Summary: With the liberation of Ala Mhigo, Shaohao heads to Limsa Lominsa for a much needed break in the form of a get together with Lyse, Alisaie, and Y'shtola. (Starts right at the ending of the "A Calm After the Storm" short story)

Note: Doing dialogue a bit different for this one

Y'shtola, Lyse, and Alisaie would turn to see their friend, comrade, and resident Warrior of Light Shaohao had finally shown up, but the man honestly looked so exhausted it was like he had gone and fought bahamut again. On his own!

Shaohao: "Sorry I'm late!..."

Shaohao would slump into the open chair next to Y'shtola, an exhausted groan escaping his lips

Y'shtola: "'Twould seem our gathering is finally complete"

Lyse: "Seven hells Shaohao, what happened to you?"

Shaohao: "My older brother. He wanted me as a sparring partner before I had to leave but being the fight obsessed man he is wouldn't let me go. I had to ask Ta'mia to take my place in exchange for a favor.

Lyse: "Ok I'll be honest. Your older brother scares me"

Shaohao: "Don't worry he's just showing his own way that he missed me and Mia; fighting tooth and nail. Some things never change I guess. So, shall we order more of everything? I'm bloody starving!"

At least his appetite seemed to perked up his mood, especially given Alisaie did say the food here was nice. Alisaie would then get the attention of one of the waiters and make that order while Shaohao would have some of the tea for now

Shaohao: "So, what I miss?"

Alisaie: "Apparently a whole discussion about our relationships with others. Which begs the question… is there anyone you have feelings for Shaohao?"

That question had Shaohao nearly choking on his tea!

Shaohao: "W-well… u-uhm… W-why are you suddenly asking me this?!"

Alisaie would shrug

Alisaie: "Call it curiosity. And given your reaction to the question I can very much assume you do"

Lyse: "Well count me curious too then. Come on Shao, at least give us a bit of details"

Shaohao was honestly sweating bullets now. This wasn't exactly an easy thing to answer given said person the miqo'te had his heart for was to his right. Y'shtola. This was made apparent to Shaohao the day he had found that Y'shtola and Lyse weren't among the Scions killed or kidnapped by the XIVth legion and a great amount of relief seemed to wash over Shaohao especially along with all the adventures the two have had before as well; from Shaohao's first day returning to Limsa, finding out how to defeat Titan, and some other adventures between the two sun seekers. For now however he would have to give at least minimum answers to get Lyse and Alisaie off his back.

Shaohao: "W-well… I… do have some feelings for a woman. She's smart, like bloody brilliant. She's probably the strongest person I know who can use magic like she does. Her beauty, seven hells don't get me started as sappy as I could make it sound. And the best of all, she's a good person. Bloody good. If it weren't for her I honestly wouldn't have taken up the adventuring stuff and never met the Scions if I'm being honest"

Shaohao seemed lost on thought even with his face being redder than the Maelstrom colors. Luckily he saw the waiter coming with their food. Time to change the subject

"A-anyway enough about me bleeding my heart out! We have incoming food!"

Alisaie and Lyse would seem to stop focusing on Shaohao much to his relief. However has he began to enjoy the food he did not notice that Y'shtola was seeming to look at him from the corner of her eye

…..

It was beginning to get late and the four comrades would begin to make their way to the aetherite plaza when Shaohao would suddenly stop in his tracks

Shaohao: "Aw shite!"

Alisaie: "What is it Shaohao?"

Shaohao: "I forgot I need to get Ta'mia some pearl chocolates for that favor I owe her! Need to go get the ingredients from the markets..."

Shaohao was about to get going until…

Y'shtola: "Mind if I accompany you Shaohao? I require to get some things myself"

Shaohao would be caught in the middle of his tracks again

Shaohao: "Oh u-uh, sure"

This was a surprise but Shaohao wasn't exactly going to say no to Y'shtola. The two would begin to make their way to Limsa's markets as Lyse and Alisaie would continue on their way home. As the two made their way to the markets Y'shtola seemed to stop Shaohao

Y'shtola: "Shaohao? May I ask something of you?"

Shaohao: "Of course Shtola, ask away"

Y'shtola: "The woman you were talking about earlier, it was me wasn't it?"

Shaohao would then begin to stiffen. He had been found out it would seem so he began to do what was basically his defense mechanism for if this was ever to happen. Studder.

Shaohao: "W-well… u-uhm… I-I mean…"

The stare Y'shtola was giving him to actually tell the truth was honestly getting at his soul. Shaohao would then collect himself and answer her

Shaohao: "Y… yes. I do, very much so"

Shaohao would then seem to blush as if he had a fever and scratch the back of his head as his ears drooped low as he looked away from Y'shtola, the defining picture of embarrassment

Shaohao: "What uh… W-what gave it away?"

Y'shtola: "A small guess really though I also remember you wanted to talk to me about something the last time we were in Ul'dah"

Shaohao: "Yea, that confession pretty much got… interrupted"

Shaohao would continue to look away for a bit. This couldn't get any worse...

Y'shtola: "Mayhaps I could tell you something Shaohao?"

Shaohao would then look her way again. She at least has his attention

Y'shtola: "As Alisaie said back at our get together we had somehow came to a discussion as to each other's feelings for another. Lyse had focused the subject to me only to not get an answer. However the subject did make me remember something. While you and the others were gone to journey to Doma my sister came to visit me to see how well I faired from my disastrous encounter with Zenos. She would give me quite the stern lecture about my disregard for my own well being until I plead weariness. Yet before she left she spoke to me these words. "Is it not past time you found someone? Strong you may be, but how much stronger might you prove with another at your side?" I did not expect those words to make their way into my thoughts as I began to rest, but they did. And every time I oddly found myself coming back to the thought of one man"

Y'shtola would then seem to look right into Shaohao's eyes

"I thought of a man who was strong as he was kind, his intelligence something… interesting yet there was no denying he knows how to improvise and plan accordingly, his heart out there for all he cared for and for those who needed it. I thought of you, Shaohao"

It took about a solid 10 seconds for him to process that and respond appropriately

Shaohao: "W-wait you're saying you like me?!"

Y'shtola: "That is what I said, did I not? Twould seem our feelings are mutual to each other"

Shaohao had to admit he wasn't expecting to confess Y'shtola in this manner of way but for her to actually like him back was all he could have ever asked for

Shaohao: "S-so, what now?"

Y'shtola: "I assume we still have to go get the ingredients to make the chocolate for your sister, correct? Although if you are asking about the two of us twould be simple Shaohao. I would say the both of us should be partners"

Shaohao: "W-well you'll hear no objections from me!"

Although Y'shtola couldn't exactly see it she could very much tell Shaohao was giving off a smile that was beaming with happiness which, in turn, honestly made her happy. The two would continue on to do what they came to do and then return to the Rising Stones

Shaohao definitely had some good news to tell Tataru the next time they had tea

[judgeanon]

A SHORT HISTORY OF FEMALE JUDGES IN JUDGE DREDD FROM 2012 TO 2015

Seemingly satisfied with having thoroughly destroyed Mega-City One and making Dredd horribly responsible for and uncharacteristically powerless during all of it, John Wagner let go of the reins of 2000AD’s flagship character after “Day of Chaos”, leaving the strip in the hands of a new crop of writers who’d waste no time in staking their territory. First with an absolute tour de force of storytelling, and later with epics of their own, filled with supporting casts either handpicked or created by themselves, these writers have carved their own place in the strip by exploring the themes and characters most interesting to each other.

Speaking of characters, the most important development of this era as far as this series is concerned is the return of Judge Hershey to the Chief Judge’s seat. Ostensibly brought back to form an interim administration while the city gets back on its feet, Hershey would end up staying far longer than anticipated, mostly on account of there being nobody else willing and able to take on the monumental responsibility. Least of all, Dredd himself. More on that… right away, actually.

(Previous posts: 1979 to 1982 - 1982 to 1986 - 1986 to 1990 - 1990 to 1993 - 1993 to 1995 - 1995 to 1998 - 1998 to 2001 - 2001 to 2004 - 2004 to 2007 - 2007 to 2009 - 2009 to 2012. Cover art by Cliff Robinson)

We hit the ground running with “Bullet to King Four”, by Al Ewing and Henry Flint (prog 1803, October 2012) a prologue to the year’s first epic. Back in the driver’s seat of a city dangling from a cliff, Chief Judge Hershey is already hard at work. During an interim council meeting that includes Dredd, Judge Stalker and new Wally Squad acting chief Judge Folger (Judge Hollister is mentioned as being MIA, her cover blown during Chaos Day), she reveals her plan to merge Justice Dept’s various units into larger divisions as a way to consolidate their beleaguered forces. She also introduces, to Dredd’s immediate disgust, a new head of Undercover Division and obvious source of future trouble: Judge Carolyn Bachmann.

Bachmann had been introduced in a Megazine story set during Tour of Duty called “The Family Man” by Ewing and Leigh Gallagher (Megs 312-313, July 2011), where she was hinted to be the secret head of Justice Dept’s Black Ops Division, introduced years ago in Si Spurrier’s “Dominoes.” An incredibly shrewd, cunning and manipulative woman, Bachmann clashed with Dredd over unsanctioned killings in the mutant townships, but he was ultimately unable to gather enough evidence to go after her in any official way. In fact, during “Bullet…”, Hershey directly references having heard Dredd’s accusations, but stands by her decision to keep Bachmann around. And then we get three of the most savage panels in the history of the strip:

Oof.

Clearly, the good old days of the Dredd/Hershey team are over. Or at least on life support. There’s definitely a lot to be said about Hershey’s words here, starting from the fact that she’s unequivocally, absolutely, 100% right. Dredd has proven, again and again, that he has extremely little patience or desire to deal with the logistical consequences of his decisions. The clearest example of this is back during “Mutants in Mega-City One”, when Dredd arm-twisted his way through the entire Council of Five, but then grew tired with all the politicking he himself started and left them to deliberate it on their own. It was Hershey’s cunning and willingness to stay the course that saved the repeal then.

And then there’s the resignation thing. This is something that Hershey’s not only had to deal with twice (first in “Total War”, then in “Mutants...”), but she was also there when Dredd did resign and eventually came back, during McGruder’s second term. She knows, arguably better than anyone alive, that Dredd is a judge and could never be anything else. What’s interesting is that this time, she doesn’t hesitate to call his bluff. While before, Hershey would’ve been more open to cooperation and second opinions, now she’s stuck doing triage for a half-dead city. And the last thing she needs is Dredd’s constant small picture problems meddling with her attempts at saving what’s left of the big picture, a responsibility that Dredd is staunchly reluctant to take as long as there’s someone else available to do it.

But although Hershey is right in her assessment of Dredd’s mindset, Dredd is likewise right in his assessment of Bachmann’s intentions. In fact, it’s even suggested at the story’s end that Hershey and Bachmann might be working together, which, given Hershey’s penchant for secret operations during her first reign, isn’t entirely unfounded from an in-universe perspective. Par for the strip’s course, nobody is entirely right. But despite the particulars of the story, the key element of “Bullet…” is how it has come to define Dredd and Hershey’s relationship for the last six-odd years.

Following such a strong start, we have “Asleep”, by Rob Williams and Mark Harrison (progs 1804-1805, idem), about a sov sleeper agent being reactivated by accident and gunning for the Chief Judge. The end result is an unabashed Hershey-in-peril scene, complete with her staring down the barrel of a gun on her knees and Dredd saving her life with some quick talking. So bit of a disappointment after the previous story, but hopefully it won’t become a trend or anything. Also of note: yet another redesigned female med-judge.

Then we get to the first epic of this new post-Wagner era, “Trifecta”. Which, in my opinion, is one of the strongest and smartest uses of 2000AD’s anthology format in storytelling since “The Dead Man”. Even in collected form it’s still not quite as interesting as it was reading it in the progs, and that’s because it is formed by three different series by three different creative teams that all started independently, and were only revealed to be different parts of a same story one third into it. Now, because I’m a stickler for the self-imposed rules of this series of articles (and certainly not because I’m a lazy bastard), I’ll focus only on the Dredd portion of it: “The Cold Deck”, by the returning team of Ewing and Flint (progs 1806-1811, October-November ‘12).

The story starts with the news that Judge Folger has been found dead in rather grisly circumstances, and to make matters worse, she’d also taken an important file from Wally Squad’s computers and erased all copies before dying -- a file so top secret, nobody knows what it is. Dredd suspects Bachmann, and Buell, former head of the SJS, agrees, further suggesting that she’ll use the scandal to prompt a reorganization, strengthen her position and eventually become Chief Judge herself. Which of course, doesn’t sit well with Dredd at all.

We’re also introduced to Judge Estrella, Bachmann’s partner in crime. A psi-judge, she spends most of the story mentally spying on Dredd on her boss’ behalf. Bachmann is not one to leave anything to chance.

Dredd tracks the file down but intentionally fails to stop it from being sold to someone off-world, where it’s revealed to be a list of every Wally Squad judge in operation. For this, Hershey summons Dredd to her office in an episode that picks right up where “Bullet...” left off, in more ways than one. Opening with Hershey having a flashback to the final pages of “The Judge Child Quest” during a budget meeting with Judge Maitland (who’s also hinted at being part of the epic’s underlying plot), she’s left alone with Dredd. The chapter, set almost entirely from Hershey’s perspective, is an exceptionally sharp bit of writing that segues flawlessly from plot to character development and then right back to plot with notable ease, comfortably aided by Flint peppering the pages with tight close-ups that convey a feeling of claustrophobic closeness between the two judges.

On one hand, we find out that Hershey was fully aware of Bachmann’s underhanded tactics, having made good use of her advice in the past, and wanted her in the Council as a way to get her out in the open and hopefully find something more solid to arrest her for. For the sake of the city, Hershey is willing to give an ambitious spymaster just enough rope to hang herself with, while Dredd would prefer to just hang her himself. But now, both Dredd and Hershey find themselves playing different games but not trusting each other enough to let the other in on them.

And on a deeper level, we get to see the differences between Hershey and Dredd’s conceptions of what it means to be Chief Judge, which is where the flashback comes in. After all, it was Dredd who refused to bring Krysler back to Mega-City One, espousing the notion that the Chief Judge had to be incorruptible. Hershey notes that Dredd idolizes the position of Chief, often leading him to stand in harsh judgment of the men and women who have taken it in the past. Indulging in a bit of armchair psychology, I feel like a lot of it has to do with Dredd’s relationship with the closest he had to a biological father: Judge Fargo, the first and best Chief Judge, against which all others have to be compared. And even if Fargo proved to be more human than it seemed, his myth and Dredd’s indoctrination have created an impossible set of standards in the latter’s mind that nobody else is able to live up to.

But Dredd has never been Chief Judge. Hershey has. Twice. If Dredd knows what the position should be, Hershey knows what it is. And she has no qualms in admitting that it comes with a hefty amount of compromise, subterfuge and even corruption. She laments the loss of her ideals, some of which we’ve been first-hand witnesses to over the years, but still proves to have the good of the city as her ultimate goal at all times. In fact, her attempt at ousting Bachmann is likened to her “victory” over Judge Edgar during her first reign. But in an even more personal level that has very little to do with the current situation, Hershey is shown to be wounded by Dredd’s lack of trust in her, when she trusted him enough to be kicked out of office for him. Dredd’s narrow focus on his vision of what the Chief Judge and the city should be makes him willfully blind to the compromises needed to fulfill it and to the sacrifices others make for believing in him. And Hershey, who has already given everything save her life for him once, is officially through taking his stomm.

And on a personal (for me) note, having such an exceedingly layered, compelling relationship between two estranged former friends without any romantic tension at all is one of the reasons I absolutely love Judge Dredd.

Things escalate pretty quickly after that. Bachmann is forced to execute her plan sooner than expected due to the Wally Squad list being a fake used to lure her out and ruin her scheme to create a shiny new Mega-City reserved for indoctrinated citizens with the assistance of an insane shark-headed (that’s not an euphemism, he literally has a shark’s head) business mogul. Her black ops troops start taking over the Hall of Justice, and she herself beats up and guns Dredd down, but he’s promptly saved by Maitland, who also kills Estrella in the process. This all sets up the stage for the last episode of the epic, the titular “Trifecta”, by Al Ewing, Simon Spurrier, Rob Williams and drawn (gorgeously) by Carl Critchlow (prog 1812, December 2012). 

With all the conspiracy and most of the character bits out of the way, the conclusion is a very two-fisted action affair that includes an honest-to-grud flashback cameo by Chief McGruder of all people, a hilariously uncomfortable one-panel reunion between Dredd and Galen DeMarco (who’d been featured in Spurrier’s portion of the story), and one of the all-time greatest Hershey panels:

So with Dredd finally fessing up to knowing about Bachmann’s plans and Hershey admitting that she underestimated their scope, all that’s left is dealing with the mastermind herself. Like any good final boss, Bachmann proceeds to beat the crap out of everyone, including lobbing a stun grenade at Hershey to get her down on all fours which is awkwardly similar to the end of “Sleeper” up there. But in the end, she gets killed from behind by Judge Smiley, a more-secret-than-secret black ops judge who’d been brought in as a countermeasure by Judge Griffin after Cal’s reign, to prevent something like that from ever happening again. Hershey is understandably upset to learn there’s been a presumed-dead spy living in the walls of the Chief Judge’s office for the last 20 years, and berates him for not coming out for any other previous crisis and Dredd for not trusting her. So although the day is saved, it wasn’t without damage, both inside and out.

To Dredd’s credit, however, he’s not a bastard to everyone in this story.

What’s especially notable about “The Cold Deck” is the sheer breadth of roles in display for its female characters. The antagonist, the main side protagonist, the sidekick, the antagonist’s sidekick, even the catalyst for the story itself are all female, plus a handful of background judges in the final chapter. In many ways, this story is the end result of all the past years of development for female judges in the strip. Women encompass all possible roles, from minor to major, from incidental to fully developed, and on both sides of the conflict. By comparison, the other two parts of the story have either no female characters (”Saudade”) or only DeMarco in a very secondary role (”Jokers to the Right”). Meanwhile, the many female characters in "The Cold Deck” are all established characters with different degrees of development, none of which were created for this story except for Estrella. And while it can be argued that it’s astonishingly easy to introduce new characters in Dredd, the fact that a major storyline can encompass such a wide variety of female characters in an organic way still speaks volumes of the people behind it.

After such a whopper story we get a chance to catch our breaths with a Judge Hughes doing sidekick duties in prog 1818’s “Witch’s Promise”, by Alan Grant and David Roach (February 2013) and then it’s right back into the fray with 1820-1822’s “Wolves”, by Michael Caroll and Andrew Currie (idem). The story concerns Dredd and Hershey’s efforts to stop a wave of violence against sov-born citizens after Chaos Day. When things come to a head, Hershey orders all citizens with roots in East-Meg to be taken to a massive internment camp, and then repatriated by the sov block in exchange for much needed food rations, a plan that Dredd is adamantly against. When the citizens refuse to be moved, Dredd proposes relocating them to Mega-City Two instead.

So we can see how Ewing’s character development threads have been picked up by Carroll: Dredd’s increasingly humanistic streak clashes with Hershey’s cold, pragmatic worldview, and in the end it’s Dredd who suggests the solution. At times it reads like a modernized version of much, much older stories where Dredd suggests a straightforward solution to a complicated situation (“Bob’s Law”, anyone?) but I’d argue that the wider context upon which it happens and the decision to let these problems become longer plotlines instead of isolated incidents all conspire to create some annoying quibbles, at least for me. But more on that later.

The story continues in “Cypher”, by Carroll and Iñaki Miranda (1824-1825, March ‘13), where Hershey and Dredd have a meeting with a soviet envoy and his bodyguard, Judge Caterina Pax, to discuss their reneging on the deal. The meeting is almost immediately broken up by a sniper who wounds Hershey and is driven off by Dredd and Pax. With the sov judge’s assistance, Dredd manages to kill the sniper, who turns out to be a cyborg hired by the envoy to kill Hershey for not quite clear reasons, and Pax expresses her desire to defect to MC-1, netting us our first new recurring female judge of this period.

Speaking of new recurring female judges, Psi-Judge Hamida returns in “Suicide Watch”, written by Gordon Rennie and Emma Beeby, and drawn by Paul Davidson (1826-1829, April ‘13). The first Dredd story written by a woman, it features Hamida having a bit of an Anderson/Corey moment, hallucinating a chat with her dead imam over halal hot dogs and feeling the weight of all the dead citizens killed by the Chaos Bug. She links up with Dredd after having a psi-flash, and together they go on the hunt for a potential suicide cult. But things get complicated when Hamida reveals that there’s a jinn -- a supernatural entity who erases people from existence and history behind it, and then even more complicated when Dredd finds out Hamida has been a suicide risk herself since Chaos Day. Ultimately, Hamida perseveres and beats the jinn, saving both Dredd and the day in a rare case of Dredd playing sidekick.

Carroll returns with PJ Holden in tow for “The Forsaken” (1830-1835, June ‘13) which features no less than five female cadet judges, each one with full names and in one case a big secret. Lori Cassano, Madison Echavez, Cheryl Tanuma, Angela Sorvino and Jessica Paris are all part of a group of cadets left for dead after Chaos Day who, feeling abandoned by Justice Dept., made a run for it. The story is told mostly in flashback as Dolman and Dredd track each surviving member, some of which are terribly wounded, and eventually manage to find Paris, who is then revealed to be a clone from Fargo’s DNA strain, effectively making her a female Dredd. Dolman brings her back to the city, with the added complication that she’s carrying the child of one of the other survivors of the incident.

The main hook of “The Forsaken” is getting to see a group of would-be judges giving in to absolute despair, their training falling apart under the strain of an extreme situation and how they form bonds and relationships between each other. While we’ve seen female judges “give in” to their humanity more than once, it rarely comes accompanied by dereliction of duty, and this one has it en masse. Unfortunately, far as I know neither Paris nor her child have appeared again so far, so we’ve yet to see what a fully-fledged female Dredd can look like.

Up next, a Judge Lawadski meets a gory end in Rob Williams and Trevor Hairsine’s “Skulls” (1836, idem) and we check in on Judge Beeny in John Wagner and Dave Taylor’s “Wastelands” (1837-1841, July ‘13). She only makes two short cameos in here, but we find out that she’s been taking a page from Dredd’s book and keeping busy to stop herself from brooding. Interestingly enough, Dredd suggests that she take a break, noting that she’s “going to have to deal with it sometime” and that, if she really wants to change things, she’s going to have to do it “from the inside.” 

That last comment in particular is interesting, as it sets up a plotline that Wagner will eventually bring to the Megazine while also staying true to Dredd’s characterization. Dredd, like Beeny, wants Justice Dept to change, but he remains reticent to go in and do it himself. And now that Hershey’s been compromised, he’s putting all his chips on Beeny, making sure that she doesn’t burn herself or become too attached to the streets. Dredd even sugars her up a little, off-handedly noting that she’s one of their best judges. Of course, Wagner being Wagner, this is all conveyed in about eight panels and less than twelve lines of dialogue, all book-ending a completely unrelated plot. In other words, a grand study in character development economy.

Carl Critchlow comes back to art duties in the Rob Williams-written “Scavengers” (1842-1843, August ’13), which sees Dredd travel underwater to the submerged ruins of Bachmann’s new Mega-City. The story features a Judge Chen who sacrifices herself in a fight against a giant mutated squid in order to keep the mission a secret and also a rather handsome Chief Judge Hershey appearance. We have a Judge Bova in Wagner and Ben Willsher’s “Bender” (1845-1849, September ’13) and Judge Pax returns as one of the stars of Michael Carroll and Paul Davidson’s “New Tricks” (1850-1854, October ’13). After an in-depth screening, she has been allowed to join judges from several other Mega-Cities (including the son of Irish judge Joyce, from “Emerald Isle”) as part of a transfer program to pad out the city’s drained forces.

Pax is shown to be exceedingly competent from the get-go, and the story is even narrated entirely from her journals, through which we learn, among other things, that Dredd seems to have taken a slight shine to her. The main plot involves a Judge Gwendolyn Kilgore, who’s returned from taking the Long Walk into the Undercity to ask for help in taking down a mythical Troggie gang boss called the Goblin King. Fairly standard action strip fare, mostly used to showcase Pax’s skills and to introduce Joyce. But it is certainly interesting to read the former’s thoughts on Dredd and MC-1 in general.

Hershey comes back for another round of workplace awkwardness in “Prey”, by TC Eglington and Karl Richardson (1855-1857, November ’13), although she seems to have grown accustomed enough to crack jokes about it. And that leaves us right at the doorstep of the first of a three-part epic by Rob Williams and Henry Flint: “Titan”.

This first part, which ran from progs 1862 to 1869 (January-February, 2014), kicks off with the news that all contact has been lost with the judges’ penal colony in the eponymous moon of Titan. Without an army to bring any possible rebellions to heel and unwilling to destroy the whole colony before getting all the facts, Hershey sends Dredd and a team of space marines to Titan to recon the place and see what’s going on in there. But after a seriously messed up landing and a couple of betrayals, Dredd finds himself alone and at the mercy of the masterminds behind the convicts’ uprising: former Chief Judge Sinfield, and former Wally Squad Judge Aimee Nixon.

Nixon, of course, was one of the main characters of Williams’ own Low Life serial. An undercover judge on the edge, she eventually quit the department and joined the Hondo City Yakuza in a bid to save her sector from a gang war, but was brought back by her partner, Dirty Frank, and put in an iso-cube for a debriefing, her intel supposedly keeping her safe from Titan. But after Chaos Day, her and several others were shipped there anyway, breaking their deal and leaving her even more embittered and vengeful. Her appearance here is quite the surprise, but makes sense considering the creative team. As Williams’ time became more focused on the main Dredd strip, more characters from Low Life would begin appearing there in guest spots. We’d already seen a hint of that in the last epic.

Back in the plot, once she realizes who she’s got in her hands, Nixon begins negotiating with Hershey. Unlike the last revolt (“Inferno”, all the way back in part four of our retrospective) the inmates here only want to be given Titan as an independent colony. But meanwhile, Nixon has also begun torturing Dredd, trying to break him down to make the man underneath the stoneyface come to the light in hope that his desire for revenge will overcome his loyalty to the law. It’s all a bit “The Killing Joke”, as Nixon seems intent on proving that every judge, even the toughest of them all, hides a human being inside, full of human desires and emotions -- just like she had.

But ultimately, Dredd proves to be too tough a nut to crack, and even when the only survivor of the marines sabotages the colony and Aimee and co are forced to evacuate towards Enceladus, Dredd still refuses to destroy their escape ships, ruining Aimee’s plan to destroy him by making him break the law. The former judges escape, Dredd survives to fight another day, and everything works out alright… for now. Overall, “Titan” is a fairly intense start that goes to some surprising places, but it also does rely a bit too much on a foregone conclusion, which is Dredd not choosing revenge. It’s also pretty funny that this makes it two epics in a row that include a scene of a female judge antagonist arguing with Hershey over a monitor. Wonder if that will be the real trend?

Also of note: Flint seems to have some trouble keeping Hershey’s eye color consistent, since they were blue back in “The Cold Deck.” Or maybe she just has a box of contacts.

We take a breather with a Judge Sisulu side-kicking it up in “Squirm!” (Carroll and Nick Dyer, 1870-1872, February ’14) and then we’re back with Williams and Flint for prog 1873’s “Fit” (March ’14). An epilogue to “Titan”, the story has Hershey send Gerhart, an SJS judge with an axe to grind who was with Dredd during the ill-fated mission, to check on Dredd for any lasting side effects of his experience on the colony. The most interesting part of this one-off for our subject is the very last page, where Gerhart notes that, owing to her history with Dredd, Hershey is ultimately ready to follow him anywhere despite this ongoing cold war between them, which zeroes in on a particular wrinkle in their relationship. For all their mutual posturing and disagreements, ultimately both Dredd and Hershey are fueled by a strong sense of duty towards the city. But while Hershey is worried by its continued day-to-day survival, Dredd is increasingly driven by his vision of a fairer, more human society. In an overly simplified nutshell, Hershey cares about the city, but Dredd cares more about the citizens. And despite her barely being present in it, the next story is one of the strongest examples of this seemingly irreparable schism.

Running in progs 1874-1878 (April ‘14), “Mega-City Confidential” marks the return of John Wagner to the strip, accompanied by Colin MacNeil. A delightfully bleak conspiracy procedural, it ends with the reveal that Justice Department has been taking advantage of the post-Chaos Day rebuilding projects to install covert surveillance equipment in millions of homes, accumulating information that is then parsed by human operators to seek out any signs of criminal activity that may necessitate a not-so-random house search. But when one of those operators escapes and turns whistleblower, Dredd is forced to defend the secrecy of a project he himself had grave misgivings about, calling it “a rare mistake” from Hershey. And once the secret is out, public outcry forces Justice Dept to roll the project back, but not before jailing the operator and probably having the journalist responsible for the leak murdered. Light reading, this ain’t.

That sounds familiar. Also, while not named, this might be Judge Stalker.

On its own, the story works as evidence of Dredd’s growing disgust with the dehumanization inherent to the judicial system, and his own discomfort as a cog within a machinery that seems increasingly prone to falling into these excesses. As such, Hershey’s error of judgment is mostly an afterthought, but I do find it’s interesting to put it within context. The Chaos Bug attack, for example, relied heavily on privacy and subterfuge, so it’s easy to see why Hershey, who’s trying to keep a dying city alive, would be tempted to go forward with something -- anything that could prevent something like that from happening again. It’s a steep change from when Hershey was considered the most liberal of all the candidates for Chief Judge, but makes sense given her own personal development and the circumstances of her return to the position. As she’s grown older and her situation direr, she seems much more open to sacrificing the liberties she used to champion for the sake of keeping people alive. So in a way, her character development has taken on a polar opposite route to Dredd’s.

Wagner stays a little longer for “Shooters Night” (art by John McRea, 1879-1882, May ‘14), which nets us an unnamed female judge and a small Hershey cameo at the end. Then Carroll returns with Nick Percival for “Traumatown” (1883-1887, June ‘14), a story about Dredd being haunted by a near-dead Psi’s vengeful spirit that features a veritable cavalcade of female judges: Pax and Hershey guest star alongside new Psi-Judge Lewis, and there’s even a funny little cameo by a Judge Parkhouse, clearly named after long-time 2000AD letterer and unsung heroine Annie Parkhouse. After that blowout, we get a small med-judge appearance in 1890-1891’s “Student Bodies” (Wagner and Boo Cook, July ‘14) and a new crisis for Dredd and Hershey in “Cascade” (Carroll and Paul Marshall, 1894-1899, August-September ‘14) as the Lawlords, a race of brutal alien overseers whom Dredd had already faced in a previous story, attempt to take over the city. The story features a Judge Reyer who dies trying to stop the attack early on, and unfortunately, Hershey’s role in it is mostly just glowering a lot while Dredd saves the day as usual.

Up next we have the return of Judge Beeny in Wagner and Carlos Ezquerra’s “Block Judge” (1900-1909, September-November ’14), where she assists Dredd in bringing a troublesome block to heel. But although it’s great to check on her progress as a judge, there isn’t much character development to be found here, and it’d seem Beeny is on the track to becoming another Dredd sidekick template. Wagner, however, has bigger plans for her, although as mentioned before, the big turn will happen in the Megazine.

The story also has a couple of guest appearances from Hershey, as Dredd for once acts very tactfully around her, asking for her help in keeping a couple of crime lords locked up for incredibly petty crimes until they can uncover more evidence. As usual, a common enemy does seem to unite them well enough, although Hershey can’t resist calling Dredd out a little on his criticisms. But for a moment, the old team is back together, with Hershey making sure Dredd is able to do his job as effectively as possible.

Another nameless female judge shows up in Alec Worley and Leigh Gallagher’s “End of the Road” (1911, December ’14) and the year closes with a return appearance by Judge Lewis in Carroll and Karl Richardson’s “The Ghost of Christmas Present” (prog 2015, idem). And if things sound like they’re finally settling down a little, don’t worry, because our last stop of this post features the biggest return of them all...

“Dark Justice” (progs 2015-1921, January-March 2015) was famously born out of artist Greg Staples’ desire to paint a classic Dark Judges story. And although John Wagner had admitted to basically having run out of ideas for them, he was happy to go back in after seeing Staples’ test sketches. The end result is a visually stunning mini-epic with an otherwise fairly standard plot, as Dredd and Psi-Judge Anderson team-up to hunt down Judge Death and his pals onboard a deep space colony ship. Not much to say character-wise about this one, as both Dredd and Anderson seem to revert back to their early 80s action hero selves, filling the story with wisecracks and one-liners as they batter the fearsome foursome. Anderson does get to shine pretty brightly on this one, pulling Judge Fire’s spirit out of Dredd’s mind and revealing that her past experiences with Judge Death have allowed her to develop a slight immunity to his powers. In the end, the superfiends are ejected and left drifting in space while our heroes await a rescue, and there’s not really much else to say.

One thing that is noteworthy is that Staples used model and cosplayer Lauren Integra Fairbrook as his model for Anderson in “Dark Justice”. Which makes sense, considering she’s the official Anderson model for Planet Replicas and has featured in the Judge Minty and Strontium Dog: Search/Destroy fan shorts. In fact, there’s even a reference to an “Lauren Integra Cosplay Ground” in “Mask of Anarchy”, a previous Dredd story.

And as an extra bit of trivia, Planet Replicas’ official Dredd model is… Greg Staples himself.

In our next episode: two epics! Two thousand progs! And... The End?

[angelofberlin2000]

... because Reeves is the star, he has no equal.

Sep 18, 2017

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Lionsgate has announced and slotted John Wick: Chapter Three. The third entry in the accidental franchise is now slated for May 17, 2019.

I’ve always said that the weekend before Memorial Day is among the very best on the calendar, offering the potential for a big opening and then a solid holiday hold. Yes, last summer had Alien: Covenant, which was the least leggy such offering in recent history, but the slot has seen the likes of all four Shrek movies, all three Star Wars prequels, The Matrix Reloaded and Mad Max: Fury Road. So, yeah, Lionsgate watched Star Wars 9 ditch the Memorial Day opening weekend and saw an opening.

If we argue that a franchise grows bigger in stature by virtue of its release dates, then John Wick has been promoted yet again. The first installment was a genuine buzzy sleeper in October 2014. So, the sequel got a more high-profile launching pad over this past President’s Day weekend. We’ll see if the franchise peaked at part II (like Scream or Pirates of the Caribbean) or whether it builds on the third shot (or potentially goes crazy like Goldfinger or Skyfall.

Maybe the answer is somewhere in-between, but John Wick is now the rarest of things, an explicitly star-driven franchise. The success of John Wick is very much about the ongoing and periodically regenerated star power of one Keanu Reeves. Mr. Reeves is arguably the most successful movie star of the modern age in terms of creating wholly original and sequel-friendly franchises.

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 Sure, we can talk about his famous philanthropy, his understated and often underappreciated acting, his “sad Keanu” memes, or the fact that he apparently drank from Tuck’s well in the early 1980s and thus will never age. But what’s most impressive is that Reeves’ stardom persists in this IP/franchise-driven era. The secret is that the reclusive and philosophical actor has made a habit of creating a new iconic cinematic character on an almost generational basis.

Depending on how old you are, you may have discovered Reeves in the late 1980s with Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, where he so exquisitely played a good-hearted airhead that said characterization stuck as a kind of offscreen typecasting for decades. Or maybe you first saw the actor in Kathryn Bigelow’s Point Break, where overeager and exasperated FBI agent Johnny Utah and Patrick Swayze’s guru surfer bank robber essentially invented the testosterone-fueled bromance. It wasn't a big hit, but it spawned a remake, a satirical stage play (Point Break Live) and a loose rip-off that spawned a rather fast and furious eight films-and counting franchise.

Or maybe you discovered (or rediscovered) Reeves via Jan De Bont’s action classic Speed, which turned his onscreen kamikaze airhead reputation on its head for what amounted to a cheerful, well-mannered action hero. The film was slightly ahead of its time in casting a somewhat unconventional actor as its muscular action lead. It was a new trend begun by Die Hard and Batman and made mainstream when Nicolas Cage cashed in on his Oscar win to make The Rock, Con Air and Face/Off in the mid-1990s.

Reeves’ blockbuster action hit, which turned Sandra Bullock into a leading lady, kept Reeves’ name in good graces as he dabbled in smaller films and quirkier projects like A Walk in the Clouds, Feeling Minnesota or The Devil’s Advocate. While Reeves has long specialized in understated dramatic turns (not unlike Harrison Ford or Kevin Costner), Taylor Hackford religious melodrama/gonzo comic thriller, which gave us Charlize Theron, is a rare occasion where Keanu Reeves delivered a terrific over-acted performance. He held his own against a peak-ham Al Pacino.

But just as Reeves’ star was fading, he gave us a new iconic cinematic character for a new generation in the guise of Thomas Anderson. You may know him as Neo, but The Matrix was one of the most influential major studio releases of our time, and the Wachowskis’ mind-bending cyberpunk action trilogy became Reeves’ biggest grossers here and abroad. And whether they acted as a gateway drug for younger would-be Reeves fans or served to reignite the fandom born of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Point Break and Speed, The Matrix gave Reeves yet another defining and iconic cinematic character to call his own.

By the time the Matrix franchise wrapped up in late 2003, the industry was starting to do away with outright star vehicles, especially those not based upon prior source material. So, it’s no surprise that Reeves’ two big hits in the mid-to-late 2000s were Constantine (a loose adaptation of the DC Comics title Hellblazer) and The Day The Earth Stood Still (a remake of a classic 1950’s sci-fi drama). Both films earned around $230 million worldwide on budgets of $100m and $80m respectively. Fun fact: Until Wonder Woman, Constantine was the biggest DC Comics adaptation without Batman or Superman ever.

The post-Matrix 2000’s offered a few small-scale winners (I will defend Reeves and Sandra Bullock’s The Lake House, a moving meditation on adult loneliness, unto death) and worthwhile indie films (Thumbsucker, The Private Lives of Pippa Lee, etc.), but the mainstream stuff (Street Kings, 47 Ronin) didn’t stick. Even the actor admits that the phone stopped ringing as much, although he did produce and narrate a terrific documentary (Side by Side) about digital video versus conventional film stock and direct the delightfully entertaining Man of Tai Chi.

And on paper, John Wick probably looked like a somewhat lower-rung, glorified VOD actioner better suited to Bruce Willis or Scott Adkins, a kind of “Oh, I guess Keanu Reeves is making a Taken knock-off” grindhouse offering. But the stylized and stylish actioner, starring Reeves as a retired hitman drawn back into the fray after Russian mobsters kill his newborn puppy, was a rarity. It was a genuine, under-the-radar sleeper hit.

The picture, directed by Chad Stahelski and David Leitch, was picked up by Lionsgate less than three months prior to its eventual late-October 2014 release and turned into a genuine mainstream hit. Thanks to good reviews, strong buzz and a solid marketing campaign that treated the film as a generational coronation for the occasionally underappreciated movie star, the picture vastly overperformed its pre-release tracking estimates, opening with $14 million and legging it to $43m domestic and $88m worldwide on a $30m budget.

That’s not a king’s ransom, but the picture, which played off Reeves’ star persona as a Zen-like man of action (and the fact that he had been somewhat MIA from mainstream movies), became an instant genre favorite and would-be cult classic. It was a big post-theatrical hit and John Wick: Chapter Two opened this past February as a true breakout sequel with a $30 million debut weekend for an eventual $92m domestic and $171m worldwide gross on a $40m budget.

The John Wick franchise is rooted in the idea of seeing Keanu Reeves specifically as John Wick, specifically because of Reeves’ performance and how the character plays off his persona. And that applies to all his defining characters, from Ted to Neo to Wick. Plenty of actors have one or two iconic/defining cinematic characters to their credit. Reeves has at least four (Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Speed, The Matrix and John Wick) and possibly five (if you want to count Point Break’s Johnny Utah). Moreover, all of them stemmed from original screenplays sans any attachment to branded content or preexisting source material.

Moreover, all of them stemmed from original screenplays sans any attachment to branded content or preexisting source material. In 2017, Reeves is still around, still relevant, and still creating wholly original cinematic franchise-friendly characters. It would be like if Harrison Ford were still creating new characters as popular as Indiana Jones or Han Solo. Or, it would be like if Hell of High Water or Blackhat did even 25% of what Star Trek or Thor did at the domestic box office.

It is that ability (aside from the whole talent/charisma/professionalism/commitment stuff), to create new characters just often enough to snag new fans and reacquaint himself with older fans that keeps the actor exciting and bankable even in an IP/branded content world. Most actors are lucky to have one iconic character. Some, like Alan Rickman, get two. Keanu Reeves has at least four, all of which are wholly original cinematic creations.

Like Denzel Washington and Leonardo DiCaprio, Keanu Reeves is still a movie star because he remains bigger than the property and can score big bucks and new fans absent any property at all.  And unlike any of his peers, he has a knack for embodying wholly original characters that redefine (or reenergize) his stardom right when the wick is about to burn out. And in terms of starring in films that create sequel-friendly franchises, franchises that succeed specifically because Reeves is the star, he has no equal.

 Thanks to mr-reeves.com !

[wellamarke]

someday

humans challenge, week 4, day 2: prequels this is a prequel to the actual setting of @nachocheese-itsmycheese’s fic ’finally’ but refers to a time period mentioned within it

Sophie had taken her niece to the park, since it was a sunny afternoon and Mattie was busy with work. She sat in her flat, listening to how empty and silent it was without her daughter in it. Even the tapping of her fingers against computer keys couldn’t distract her from that absence.

It was funny to think that only two years ago, she’d scarcely been able to imagine herself with a child at all. Now, being without one, even for an hour or so, was what felt unnatural.

Mattie glanced over her laptop screen, at a picture on the wall behind it. It was a framed photograph of a sleeping baby, one pudgy hand curled up next to her cheek, the other tucked under her blanket. Her eyes were closed, the soft, pink eyelids hiding the piercing blue eyes she’d inherited from her father. It was unfair, really, how closely she resembled him. Sometimes Mattie wondered guiltily if that particular picture was actually all that good, or if she’d just chosen to display that one because it hid the most defining Leo-feature from view. The further he was from her thoughts, the easier it was to carry on.

It had been almost six months since she’d last heard from him at all. Leo was in the States these days, helping Athena Morrow with her research. He was still the only one of his kind, but Dr Morrow was convinced that with enough observation, she could figure out how David Elster had ‘resurrected’ him, and rework it for other head trauma patients. It would be a major breakthrough; it would rewrite whole fields of medical science. It also kept him well out of Mattie’s way, which was a bittersweet bonus. Part of her still loved him at least as much as she hated him, if not more. The balance was fragile, and tiring, and never-ending.

She finished fixing the faulty code she’d been asked to work on, and sent it back to her client, with instructions on how to check if their synth friend was responding to the update. That done, she was just about to click on the next email when the buzzer sounded, letting her know someone wanted to be let into the building.

She got up from her desk and pressed the intercom button, half expecting it to be Sophie, back from the park a little early. “Hello?”

At first there was no response. Then the intercom gave a crackle, and a voice that certainly wasn’t Sophie said, “Hi. It’s me.”

There was a pause. Then, “Can I come up?”

Mattie’s chest felt suddenly hollow, like a huge gulf had opened there, vast and terrible and able to swallow her whole if she didn’t do something to escape it. “Leo,” she all but croaked.

Another crackle. “Yes,” he said, sounding hesitant, as though answering a roll-call for a class he hadn’t signed up for.

“I’ll come down,” she said. She didn’t want him in her flat. She didn’t want to be enclosed in this space with him. Not because she had ever feared him or what he could do or say to her, but because this was her place: the home she shared with her daughter and no-one else, that had a bed Leo had never slept in and a door he’d never so much as knocked on. It worked for her because he wasn’t part of it. If she let him inside, even once, the trace of him would never go away. She wouldn’t put herself through that.

Mattie grabbed her keys from the hook and left the flat, pausing briefly outside the lift, but then drifting past it in favour of the stairs. She was four floors up. She would take the small delay, and use it to attempt to gather her thoughts.

Why was he here? What could possibly have brought him to her block, after all these months of silence? If there was any big, awful news in the family, she would know via Mia or Max by now. Surely he wasn’t here to apologise, or ask forgiveness, or any of those things she’d given up hoping for sometime between the start of her third trimester and the sound of a newborn cry. None of that was ever going to happen. They were always going to be unfinished, and she’d learnt to call the frayed endings ‘closure’. It was healthier that way.

Mattie’s heart was beating far too fast for just four flights of stairs, by the time she reached the bottom. She couldn’t pretend it was the physical exertion. Talking to Leo was, somehow, both the last thing she wanted to do, and the thing she wanted most in the world. Why did everything with him have to be a duality, a contradiction in terms?

She made her way along the hallway, her stride several times more confident than she felt inside. Eventually she reached the door, and she gave herself a final second to prepare before opening it.

He wasn’t on the doorstep, as she might have expected. He’d retreated to the bottom of the path that lead to the block of flats, hunched over, his hands in his pockets. Looking as he so often did, like a fish out of water, cut adrift from everything. He looked up at the sound of the door opening, and their eyes met across the short distance between them.

Part of Mattie wanted to stand her ground, and force him to be the one to close the gap, but part of her didn’t want to associate him even with the outside of her building. She went down the path and met him, fixing him with her coldest glance as she did so.

“What do you want?” she asked, bluntly.

He didn’t answer. Instead he looked about her, as if expecting her not to be alone. “Where’s…?”

She noted with hostility that he couldn’t even bring himself to say his daughter’s name. “She’s not here,” Mattie said.

Leo’s eyes widened slightly, but whatever he was wondering, he didn’t voice it.

“She’s out with Sophie,” Mattie added, before she could stop herself. She refused to wonder if her subconscious had taken pity on his obvious confusion. “Did you want to see her?”

He nodded. Mattie was taken aback, but she tried not to show it.

“Both of you,” he clarified, voice somewhat hoarse. “I wanted to see both of you.”

“Well, come back in an hour,” she said. “Or meet them at the park. Whatever you want.”

“You don’t mind?”

Mattie’s eyes flashed with fury. “Mind?” Her throat felt tight and strained, but somehow the words forced themselves out regardless. “It was never me who wanted her to grow up without a dad, Leo. That was you. I’ve wanted her to see you every single day since the moment she was born. I don't—” She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. “I don’t personally believe that you deserve to see her. But I’m not going to stand in the way of my daughter seeing her father. She deserves that much, even if you don’t.”

She turned away from him. She’d said too much already, less than two minutes in - the conversation wasn’t going to end with a civil handshake now. She wished he would leave. She wished he would stay. She wanted him to never come back and never leave her side again. Most of all she wished she’d gone to the park with Sophie, and left an empty flat for him to ring up. She would never have even known he’d been here.

“I thought I’d left it too late,” he said. He cleared his throat, a strangled sound. “She won’t remember me.”

“And whose fault is that,” Mattie said bitterly.

“Mine,” he said, without hesitation. “Obviously, mine. Everything has been my fault. I don’t expect anything from you, I just… had to ask if you’d let me see her again.”

“Well, I’ve said you can. I’ve told you how. Is that all you came for?”

“No. I… want to try. I want to try and… be something, to her.”

“Something,” Mattie repeated sourly. “As in ‘better than nothing’? How about just being her father?”

“I…”

He trailed off completely. Long moments passed before he spoke again. “I was wrong before. I said I never wanted to be a father, but what I meant was that I didn’t want to be my father. I think you knew that. We had that long argument about frames of reference, but I wasn’t hearing you properly. I couldn’t… I just kept coming back to all the ways I’m exactly like him. Do you know how often I’ve wished he’d just left me at the bottom of that lake? I couldn’t see myself doing any better than he did.”

“So you decided to punish our daughter for your own insecurities,” said Mattie. “This isn’t news, Leo. I’m not stupid. I don’t have to be a psychiatrist to know you’ve got issues with the concept of fatherhood - it would be weirder if you didn’t. But you can’t just…use that as an excuse. It’s not her fault. It’s not my fault. But you left both of us.”

“I know,” he said. “I shouldn’t have run away, or said any of the things I said. I don’t have any justification for that.”

“So what’s changed?” Mattie folded her arms in front of her. “Why show up now?”

“I realised I was wasting Doctor Morrow’s time,” said Leo. “She wanted to study my memories, the way they’re ordered and how the recall works. I let her see some of them. The old ones, from… before. But it was the newer files she was interested in, how my brain creates new paths for itself. And I wouldn’t let her see them, because I didn’t want to look up on that screen and see… you.”

Mattie pressed her lips together, and stared down at her feet, giving him nothing.

“I’d closed off everything about you. I hadn’t even realised I could do that. I don’t think I ever could before. When we first met, I told you I was unable to forget, and that’s still true, but I realised only recently that I can partition off whole sections of data. Like moving them to another drive. It’s something to do with the grafts Athena put in after… after Hester. There’s still a disconnect. Everything I didn’t want to think about, I was transferring across so that it wouldn’t keep surfacing, and that made all her research pretty much defunct, because she wasn’t trying to replicate a repair that went wrong. She wanted the real thing, and I couldn’t let myself show her it, because that would mean… admitting that I’d been avoiding even thinking about you.” He kicked at a stray stone on the path in front. “So I told her I was sorry, and I caught the next flight. The others don’t even know I’m back in England.”

Mattie stood there, stock still, taking in what she could.

“You asked me what changed,” Leo continued. “And I suppose what I’m trying to say is… nothing changed. All this time thinking I didn’t need you any more, but none of it was true. I just wasn’t letting myself remember. It’s all the same as it ever was.”

For a while there was silence between them. A breeze whipped Mattie’s hair over her shoulder, and she raised her hand to swipe it away from her face. She tried not to notice the dampness on her skin as she did so.

“It isn’t the same,” she said softly. “It’s two years later. We can’t just… pick up where we left off.”

“I know.”

“I meant it when I said I won’t stop you seeing her. But please don’t make her any promises if you’re not going to keep them. Just… spend some time with her. But not here. Her home is for people who are permanent.”

Leo nodded. “Okay. I’ll… think of something.”

“I really wish I could just say I understand,” Mattie said, honestly. "And that we can try again. But if…”

She shook her head. “No. I’m not going to start any ‘ifs’ today. Give me some time to work those out.”

She dared to look at him again, and wondered if she saw a glimmer of hope in those eyes. She had grown unaccustomed to reading them.

“I think you should go, for now,“ she said. “I’ve got to process some of this without you standing there.”

“Of course.”

“And...I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Mattie added, “But it was good to see you. I think I’ve been doing a bit of memory partitioning myself.”

The corner of his mouth twitched upwards, a sad quarter-smile.

“Where are you staying?” she asked.

“A B&B in town. Just until I find out if Max and Flash can put me up.”

Mattie nodded. “Get Max to let me know, if they do. I can bring her over to theirs whenever you’re ready.”

“Alright. I will.”

He met her eyes again. “Thank you. For giving me a chance.”

“I’m only doing it for her,” she reminded him, although she wasn’t sure how true the words were, even as she spoke them.

He would have to work a lot harder and longer than this, that was for sure. But maybe there was a reason the ends had frayed so wildly, like they’d always been meant to knit back together. Someday. Somehow.

Perhaps it wasn't too late, not just yet.

[adambstingus]

Here’s What The Stars Of The Internet’s Most Famous Memes Look Like In 2018

Since its inception in 1990, the World Wide Web – invented by computer scientist Tim Berners-Lee – has revolutionized humanity. We now shop online, order take-out online, study online, look through photo albums online, make travel arrangements online, game online, talk, gawk, and stalk online!

In fact, I couldn’t imagine having to do so many daily tasks without the internet. I wouldn’t have survived university by actually reading books, and I could never get through my Christmas shopping without Amazon. But perhaps the biggest change is the way we communicate with one another.

From email to MSN to MySpace to Skype to Facebook – it is now easier than ever to start a conversation with somebody on the other side of the planet. Social Media has allowed us to chat with our friends and family, keep up-to-date their lives, and even plan parties and events without sending one thing in the post. It’s truly made the world a smaller place.

And following the rise of social media in the noughties, we have seen many “trends” come and go – with some becoming iconic, and others more… moronic. For example, everybody out there now converses using emojis, and every year people genuinely get excited to see what new emojis the next updates will bring (here’s looking at you redheads). We’ve seen positive challenges, such as the Ice Bucket Challenge, raise millions for charity, and we’ve also seen a slew of idiots eat detergent in the Tide Pod Challenge.

But if there’s one thing that has stayed around far longer than anybody would have ever imagined, it is the humble meme. If you’re truly out of the loop, a meme is defined as “an image, video, piece of text, etc, typically humorous in nature, that is copied and spread rapidly by Internet users, often with slight variations”.

Basically, they’re funny pictures and videos of relatable things, often with a funny caption. And over the years, the subjects within these memes have become unintentional celebrities… for doing absolutely nothing except having a sharable expression. Now, we’re taking a look at these very modern stars have changed since being immortalized on the web.

1. Success Kid (Sam Griner)

Never before has a child epitomized the feeling of success more than Sam Griner. After his mom, Laney Griner, uploaded the picture to Flickr in 2007 (yes, it really was that long ago), she never thought she would have turned her young son into a viral star.

Sam was actually trying to eat the sand when the picture was taken, and Laney originally captioned the image ‘I Hate Sandcastles’, but his triumphant expression soon transformed him into the ‘Success Kid’.

2. Side-Eyeing Chloe (Chloe)

In one of my favorite videos on YouTube, Chloe and older sister Lily are surprised by their parents with a trip to Disneyland. However, whilst Lily starts to cry in delight when the camera pans to Chloe, she stares straight into the lens with a “WTF is going on?” expression. It is hilarious.

Amazingly, Chloe’s expression transformed her into “Sid- Eyeing Chloe”, the perfect meme for when people wanted to express their unimpressed disbelief to whatever was going on in the world.

3. Disaster Girl (Zoe Roth)

She could have been a cast member from Village of the Damned with that demonic expression. However, a young Zoe Roth was not taking sick pleasure in the destruction of a house she had just burned to the ground, she was just enjoying a training drill by the local fire department two blocks away from her home in Mebane, North Carolina.

The picture was taken all the way back in 2004 by her father, Dave Roth, and now that Zoe is looking to complete college, she said: “I’d love for the meme to help me get into or pay for college somehow. But I ultimately want people to know me for me.”

4. Trying To Hold A Fart Next To A Cute Girl In Class (Michael McGee)

On March 2, 2014, Redditor aaduk_ala submitted a humorous picture titled, ‘Trying to hold a fart next to a cute girl in class’ to the /r/funny subreddit. It wasn’t long before his strained expression was seen across all of social media.

When asked whether he had any regret about his unexpected fame, McGee responded: “My take on being ‘internet famous’ is cool and all. But I regret not copyrighting the picture right away because I could have made a lot of money there!” Ironically, his expression would be my face if I were to discover that I could have made thousands of dollars by copyrighting one silly picture.

5. Scumbag Steve (Blake Boston)

I have so many personal memories of using this meme whilst at college. In fact, I became a “Scumbag Steve” after waking up my dorm friend every two weeks at 6 am because I needed to use his printer.

The first known time this image was posted on Reddit was January 21, 2011, and it wasn’t long before a commenter in the Reddit thread identified the young man in the pic as Blake Boston (also known as “Weezy B.”)

In an interview with Know Your Meme, Blake revealed that the picture was originally taken by his mother. “I have no regrets in my life… no matter what I do. I can completely f**k up on something and I still don’t regret it. Because at the end of the day, that makes me who I am, so I wouldn’t go back and erase anything, if I were to go back in time.” I think we can all agree that Weezy B. is a very cool guy…

6. Overly Attached Girlfriend (Laina Morris)

Back in 2012, Justin Bieber asked his dedicated followers to enter an online sing-off competition in order to promote his celebrity perfume ‘Girlfriend’. In response to this, YouTuber Laina Morris uploaded a simplistic webcam video in which she performed a parody version of Justin Bieber’s single ‘Boyfriend’, with her own personalized lyrics.

Morris’ over-the-top expressions immediately led to her face being used to symbolize the ‘Overly Attached Girlfriend’, but sadly, she did encounter several issues regarding her fame: “Strangers were finding my personal Facebook page and talking to my friends. They were finding where I worked and trying to access my college records”.

7. Good Luck Charlie (Mia Talerico)

Actress Mia Talerico’s exaggerated “I don’t know” face from an episode of Disney’s Good Luck Charlie has taken comments sections by storm. And thanks to her charismatic acting, the nine-year-old now has over 1 million followers on Instagram.

I’m 26 and have under 400. Where did it all go wrong?

*I don’t know*

8. Bad Luck Brian (Kyle Craven)

Fake News! Did you know that the guy in the picture is not actually called Brian? His name is Kyle Craven. Used to symbolize bad luck, the very first use of Craven’s image was first posted on January 23, 2012, by his long-time friend, along with the caption “Takes driving test .?.?. gets first DUI.”

9. Ridiculously Photogenic Guy (Zeddie Little)

I think we can all agree that we have never looked this good whilst exercising. When I’m at the gym, my expression closely resembles that of when I’m perched on the toilet.

However, Zeddie Little, AKA “Ridiculously Photogenic Guy”, was snapped running in the 2012 Cooper River Bridge Run whilst looking impeccable. Literally better than I’ve ever looked in my life.

When asked about his newfound fame, Little responded: “I really don’t know, but I kinda feel honored to be part of a joke that’s in good spirit because sometimes the Internet can be a little vicious or jokes can get bent the wrong way. But these are all kinda, for the most part, positive. It’s funny that everybody is kinda taking like to it. It’s, I guess, the most flattering way to get spread across the Internet.”

10. Ermahgerd (Maggie Goldenberger)

For those of you out of the loop, “ermahgerd” is a rhotacized pronunciation of “oh my God”, in order to recreate the speech of a nerd (sorry Maggie).

This meme first emerged on March 14, 2012, along with the caption: “Just a book owners smile…”. The girl in the meme, Maggie Goldenberger, said that the picture was created in fourth or fifth grade when she and her friends seriously got into playing dress-up. It’s good to see she’s got a sense of humor about the whole thing, because I can think of about 734 pictures of me from high school that could have been used in the exact same way, and it would have destroyed my life.

11. Grumpy Cat

There’s a face only a mother can love.

Grumpy Cat – the appropriate nickname given to Tardar Sauce – is an always-moody-looking snowshoe cat that rose to fame after several pics of her annoyed facial expressions were posted to Reddit in September 2012. According to Huffington Post, Grumpy Cat now has a reported net worth of $100 million! That’s right, this cat has more money than you ever will.

12. First World Problems (Silvia Bottini)

Amazingly, this is no bog-standard stock-image model. Silvia Bottini is actually a relatively successful Italian actress.

13. Blinking White Guy (Drew Scanlon)

This perfect GIF originally came from a live stream shot back in 2013, when Drew Scanlon was a video producer at the popular gaming website Giant Bomb.

During one of the team’s weekly “Unprofessional Fridays” shows, Scanlon watched as the editor-in-chief played Starbound, a two-dimensional action-adventure game.

However, things got a little awkward when Gerstmann said: “So I’ve been doing some farming… with my hoe.” Scanlon reacted with the bewildered expression now known as the “Blinking White Guy”.

14. Hipster Barista (Dustin Mattson)

Even though this meme has become more appropriate for every year it has existed, it was originally uploaded to in August 2011! However, the guy in the picture, Dustin Mattson, has not seen the funny side:

“I do find it discouraging and disappointing that there was so much exposure brought to an attempt at making a joke of a culinary industry and the professional barista. To me, it’s very telling on how we laud farm-to-table food, craft beer, cocktail mixology, but it’s ok to have no respect for the specialty coffee world and the people who are committed to it. On the other hand, the whole thing only makes me want to work harder at my job, make better coffee, serve my customers better, and bring more positive exposure to both the company I work for, the barista profession, and specialty coffee as a whole. If anyone were to see my and my coworkers’ work in the café, they’d see that it doesn’t quite match up to most of the jokes made against the ‘Hipster Barista’.”

15. Doge

I’m just going to put this out there: I love Doge.

Back in February 2010, a Japanese kindergarten teacher called Atsuko Sato posted several photos of her rescue-adopted Shiba Inu dog Kabosu to her personal blog – it is something we have all done. However, unlike with me and my Yorkshire terrier, Sato’s photos went viral and the world fell in love with the side-eyed confused pup. The best of boys!

So there you have it! And although so many of these unintentional internet celebrities have changed so much since their images were originally posted to the web, there’s no doubt we’ll always remember them for the hilarious memes they spawned.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/heres-what-the-stars-of-the-internets-most-famous-memes-look-like-in-2018/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/184330360477

[samanthasroberts]

Here’s What The Stars Of The Internet’s Most Famous Memes Look Like In 2018

Since its inception in 1990, the World Wide Web – invented by computer scientist Tim Berners-Lee – has revolutionized humanity. We now shop online, order take-out online, study online, look through photo albums online, make travel arrangements online, game online, talk, gawk, and stalk online!

In fact, I couldn’t imagine having to do so many daily tasks without the internet. I wouldn’t have survived university by actually reading books, and I could never get through my Christmas shopping without Amazon. But perhaps the biggest change is the way we communicate with one another.

From email to MSN to MySpace to Skype to Facebook – it is now easier than ever to start a conversation with somebody on the other side of the planet. Social Media has allowed us to chat with our friends and family, keep up-to-date their lives, and even plan parties and events without sending one thing in the post. It’s truly made the world a smaller place.

And following the rise of social media in the noughties, we have seen many “trends” come and go – with some becoming iconic, and others more… moronic. For example, everybody out there now converses using emojis, and every year people genuinely get excited to see what new emojis the next updates will bring (here’s looking at you redheads). We’ve seen positive challenges, such as the Ice Bucket Challenge, raise millions for charity, and we’ve also seen a slew of idiots eat detergent in the Tide Pod Challenge.

But if there’s one thing that has stayed around far longer than anybody would have ever imagined, it is the humble meme. If you’re truly out of the loop, a meme is defined as “an image, video, piece of text, etc, typically humorous in nature, that is copied and spread rapidly by Internet users, often with slight variations”.

Basically, they’re funny pictures and videos of relatable things, often with a funny caption. And over the years, the subjects within these memes have become unintentional celebrities… for doing absolutely nothing except having a sharable expression. Now, we’re taking a look at these very modern stars have changed since being immortalized on the web.

1. Success Kid (Sam Griner)

Never before has a child epitomized the feeling of success more than Sam Griner. After his mom, Laney Griner, uploaded the picture to Flickr in 2007 (yes, it really was that long ago), she never thought she would have turned her young son into a viral star.

Sam was actually trying to eat the sand when the picture was taken, and Laney originally captioned the image ‘I Hate Sandcastles’, but his triumphant expression soon transformed him into the ‘Success Kid’.

2. Side-Eyeing Chloe (Chloe)

In one of my favorite videos on YouTube, Chloe and older sister Lily are surprised by their parents with a trip to Disneyland. However, whilst Lily starts to cry in delight when the camera pans to Chloe, she stares straight into the lens with a “WTF is going on?” expression. It is hilarious.

Amazingly, Chloe’s expression transformed her into “Sid- Eyeing Chloe”, the perfect meme for when people wanted to express their unimpressed disbelief to whatever was going on in the world.

3. Disaster Girl (Zoe Roth)

She could have been a cast member from Village of the Damned with that demonic expression. However, a young Zoe Roth was not taking sick pleasure in the destruction of a house she had just burned to the ground, she was just enjoying a training drill by the local fire department two blocks away from her home in Mebane, North Carolina.

The picture was taken all the way back in 2004 by her father, Dave Roth, and now that Zoe is looking to complete college, she said: “I’d love for the meme to help me get into or pay for college somehow. But I ultimately want people to know me for me.”

4. Trying To Hold A Fart Next To A Cute Girl In Class (Michael McGee)

On March 2, 2014, Redditor aaduk_ala submitted a humorous picture titled, ‘Trying to hold a fart next to a cute girl in class’ to the /r/funny subreddit. It wasn’t long before his strained expression was seen across all of social media.

When asked whether he had any regret about his unexpected fame, McGee responded: “My take on being ‘internet famous’ is cool and all. But I regret not copyrighting the picture right away because I could have made a lot of money there!” Ironically, his expression would be my face if I were to discover that I could have made thousands of dollars by copyrighting one silly picture.

5. Scumbag Steve (Blake Boston)

I have so many personal memories of using this meme whilst at college. In fact, I became a “Scumbag Steve” after waking up my dorm friend every two weeks at 6 am because I needed to use his printer.

The first known time this image was posted on Reddit was January 21, 2011, and it wasn’t long before a commenter in the Reddit thread identified the young man in the pic as Blake Boston (also known as “Weezy B.”)

In an interview with Know Your Meme, Blake revealed that the picture was originally taken by his mother. “I have no regrets in my life… no matter what I do. I can completely f**k up on something and I still don’t regret it. Because at the end of the day, that makes me who I am, so I wouldn’t go back and erase anything, if I were to go back in time.” I think we can all agree that Weezy B. is a very cool guy…

6. Overly Attached Girlfriend (Laina Morris)

Back in 2012, Justin Bieber asked his dedicated followers to enter an online sing-off competition in order to promote his celebrity perfume ‘Girlfriend’. In response to this, YouTuber Laina Morris uploaded a simplistic webcam video in which she performed a parody version of Justin Bieber’s single ‘Boyfriend’, with her own personalized lyrics.

Morris’ over-the-top expressions immediately led to her face being used to symbolize the ‘Overly Attached Girlfriend’, but sadly, she did encounter several issues regarding her fame: “Strangers were finding my personal Facebook page and talking to my friends. They were finding where I worked and trying to access my college records”.

7. Good Luck Charlie (Mia Talerico)

Actress Mia Talerico’s exaggerated “I don’t know” face from an episode of Disney’s Good Luck Charlie has taken comments sections by storm. And thanks to her charismatic acting, the nine-year-old now has over 1 million followers on Instagram.

I’m 26 and have under 400. Where did it all go wrong?

*I don’t know*

8. Bad Luck Brian (Kyle Craven)

Fake News! Did you know that the guy in the picture is not actually called Brian? His name is Kyle Craven. Used to symbolize bad luck, the very first use of Craven’s image was first posted on January 23, 2012, by his long-time friend, along with the caption “Takes driving test .?.?. gets first DUI.”

9. Ridiculously Photogenic Guy (Zeddie Little)

I think we can all agree that we have never looked this good whilst exercising. When I’m at the gym, my expression closely resembles that of when I’m perched on the toilet.

However, Zeddie Little, AKA “Ridiculously Photogenic Guy”, was snapped running in the 2012 Cooper River Bridge Run whilst looking impeccable. Literally better than I’ve ever looked in my life.

When asked about his newfound fame, Little responded: “I really don’t know, but I kinda feel honored to be part of a joke that’s in good spirit because sometimes the Internet can be a little vicious or jokes can get bent the wrong way. But these are all kinda, for the most part, positive. It’s funny that everybody is kinda taking like to it. It’s, I guess, the most flattering way to get spread across the Internet.”

10. Ermahgerd (Maggie Goldenberger)

For those of you out of the loop, “ermahgerd” is a rhotacized pronunciation of “oh my God”, in order to recreate the speech of a nerd (sorry Maggie).

This meme first emerged on March 14, 2012, along with the caption: “Just a book owners smile…”. The girl in the meme, Maggie Goldenberger, said that the picture was created in fourth or fifth grade when she and her friends seriously got into playing dress-up. It’s good to see she’s got a sense of humor about the whole thing, because I can think of about 734 pictures of me from high school that could have been used in the exact same way, and it would have destroyed my life.

11. Grumpy Cat

There’s a face only a mother can love.

Grumpy Cat – the appropriate nickname given to Tardar Sauce – is an always-moody-looking snowshoe cat that rose to fame after several pics of her annoyed facial expressions were posted to Reddit in September 2012. According to Huffington Post, Grumpy Cat now has a reported net worth of $100 million! That’s right, this cat has more money than you ever will.

12. First World Problems (Silvia Bottini)

Amazingly, this is no bog-standard stock-image model. Silvia Bottini is actually a relatively successful Italian actress.

13. Blinking White Guy (Drew Scanlon)

This perfect GIF originally came from a live stream shot back in 2013, when Drew Scanlon was a video producer at the popular gaming website Giant Bomb.

During one of the team’s weekly “Unprofessional Fridays” shows, Scanlon watched as the editor-in-chief played Starbound, a two-dimensional action-adventure game.

However, things got a little awkward when Gerstmann said: “So I’ve been doing some farming… with my hoe.” Scanlon reacted with the bewildered expression now known as the “Blinking White Guy”.

14. Hipster Barista (Dustin Mattson)

Even though this meme has become more appropriate for every year it has existed, it was originally uploaded to in August 2011! However, the guy in the picture, Dustin Mattson, has not seen the funny side:

“I do find it discouraging and disappointing that there was so much exposure brought to an attempt at making a joke of a culinary industry and the professional barista. To me, it’s very telling on how we laud farm-to-table food, craft beer, cocktail mixology, but it’s ok to have no respect for the specialty coffee world and the people who are committed to it. On the other hand, the whole thing only makes me want to work harder at my job, make better coffee, serve my customers better, and bring more positive exposure to both the company I work for, the barista profession, and specialty coffee as a whole. If anyone were to see my and my coworkers’ work in the café, they’d see that it doesn’t quite match up to most of the jokes made against the ‘Hipster Barista’.”

15. Doge

I’m just going to put this out there: I love Doge.

Back in February 2010, a Japanese kindergarten teacher called Atsuko Sato posted several photos of her rescue-adopted Shiba Inu dog Kabosu to her personal blog – it is something we have all done. However, unlike with me and my Yorkshire terrier, Sato’s photos went viral and the world fell in love with the side-eyed confused pup. The best of boys!

So there you have it! And although so many of these unintentional internet celebrities have changed so much since their images were originally posted to the web, there’s no doubt we’ll always remember them for the hilarious memes they spawned.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/heres-what-the-stars-of-the-internets-most-famous-memes-look-like-in-2018/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2019/04/21/heres-what-the-stars-of-the-internets-most-famous-memes-look-like-in-2018/

[smartynuts1-blog]

Don Legend

In 2004 Don Legion and Criss Trown were the biggest R&B male artist in the music industry. Don was a pianists and all of his music was accompanied by the sweet sound of strings, while Criss was a dancer and kept the crowd screaming with his complex moves that appeared effortless. Although they had different styles of artistry they had a strong rivalry because their album dropped the same day, which battled back and forward for the number 1 spot on the charts and their tours were held at the same. Radio personalities constantly fueled their rivalry by saying one was better than the other by mentioning record sales each week. Everyone new that both of them would be nominated for best male R&B artist for the Grammy's next year. Since his debut in the industry gay rumors have followed Don's flamboyant style, because he wore tight bell-bottom dress pants that showed off his gigantic booty and thighs that complemented his 6'2 220 lb frame. On the red-carpet his side-profile poses (with one hand in pocket to stretch the seams at the booty) made it obvious that he was well aware of his fully developed ASSets. He had the look of a "pretty boy" with a red-bone skin complexion and bee-stung pink lips - which were always glossy in photos. The first two buttons of his shirts were never fastened to showing off his well defined hairless and beefy chest that almost bulged through. He was the prettiest beefy guy in Hollywood although he didn't pay the gay rumors much attention due to his climbing success. In June Don was photographed on a private beach off the coast of Puerto Rico wearing a bright pink speedo, which fit tight around his curvy hips and booty. This picture flooded tabloids and during an interview Criss said that Don looked "super gay". This controversial comment spiked up Criss' record sales and put him at the top charts. After Don had made it back home from the island he was hit with a wave of gay controversy brought on by the pictures of him in the speedo. Plus, he had to address the Criss' negative comments. Being that these new gay rumors were hurting his success he had to fight for his masculinity back, which added a great deal of stress and caused much built-up anger towards Criss. After weeks of interviews addressing the rumors Don realized that the only way for the rumors to pass would be to get out of the public eye for a while. This almost meant career suicide for an up-and-coming singer. This drove Don insane and he could only think off how he could seek revenge on Criss. It was now mid December and no one had heard a word from Don. The last thing anyone had seen or heard from him was in early July when he was caught taking steroids. Over the months Criss' record sales continued to soar and he had even received a Grammy nomination as planned, while Don didn't. When asked in an interview, "Do you think Don went MIA because your comments towards his speedo picture during the summer?" he responded "I can really care less about that fag. He's probably somewhere getting fucked in the ass right now. He can't compete with me." This reaffirmed Criss' masculinity with his male audience and raised his record sales even more, but it made Don want to punish him like never before. Since July Don has been overly obsessed with seeking revenge on Criss. He could no longer overpower the trash talking dancer with his career so he had to use the only thing that he could control, which was bulking up his body to an intimidating frame and punish him in the most disgusting way possibly. Don was no longer concerned about his "pretty-boy" image or his health so he unhealthily packed on a whopping 120 pounds of muscle and fat. During the week he exercised everyday and ate only red-meat, nuts, and protein packed milk shakes. On the weekends he stayed in bed constantly eating donuts and pasta. Afterwards he took sleeping pills to force himself into long sleeps allowing him to gain weight quicker. From July to about late October he could feel the grease from his food escaping his pores and mixing with his sweat. At the gym he did only sumo deadlifts, squats (with weights), and leg presses to build an even bigger butt than what he had initially. Regular doses of steroids caused him to grow rapidly along with his rage. Hormonal changes exacerbated his sweat glands and body odor. He anus had begun to secrete a thick, pasty, sweet liquid that tasted like syrup (probably from all the sweets he ate). Digested protein shakes and nuts made his farts smell vile and animalistic. He drove all of his personal friends away, but that didn't bother him. He was becoming the ultimate butt dominator that he had planned for months, which brought him sick, narcissistic, sexually sadistic pleasure. By December his ass was twice the size of Buffie the Body's and wobbled uncontrollably when he walked. Old underwear briefs became too small and constant weight gain made it impossible to track his size so he stopped wearing them. After the first two weeks of going without underwear he appreciated the breeze traveling up his workout shorts cooling down his beefy glutes that were so large that Don himself couldn't reach all the way back there to wash the ends of either cheek - let alone his full ass crack. Don was almost where be needed to be physically to accomplish his goal. From December to the end of January Don had been on a high calorie binge rampage. By this point his stomach could hold 6 times the amount of food that it could when he was in the public eye. Body wise he was where he wanted to be, but he wasn't satisfied with his azz, which was already too large for him to fully wash on his own. This wasn't enough. He wanted it to be large enough to fully engulf and smother Criss in it. He bought dangerously concentrated steroids and injected the directly into his cheeks, which made them grow 3 inches in 3 weeks. Don's cheeks had grown heavier than the weights used to build them. They were nasty bone-crushers. He was ready. The night of the Grammys Don watched the show from his tv in his fully loaded Benz. He had parked a few cars down from Criss' Lamborghini in preparation of a ambush. Criss had won the award for best male R&B artist and arrogantly walked off the stage without thanking anyone. He definitely was a little bitch. After the show Criss was walking on his way to his lambo. In a drunken intoxication he stumbled with his keys. Don dress in only a trench coat, hat, and sun glasses popped out from behind some bushes and snatched the dancer up. Instead of using chloroform to put him to sleep Don used his most foul smelling work-out shorts, which worked just as effectively. In a flash the capturer had abducted Criss and taken him back to his house for a night Criss will never forget. As Criss slowly regained consciousness he was in a dark steamy room that smelled like a gym without ventilation. He was actually laying on Don's bed. Criss tried to escape but his efforts failed him because he had been temporarily paralyzed. Don had injected Criss with an overdose of muscle relaxers, which had the same symptom of paralysis. Only his head was fully functional. A loud musical sound from the corner of the dimly lit room underneath a soft red light startled the captive. Don was completely covered in a trench coat (still hiding his appearance) while over-dramatically playing the instrumental to one of his songs. Criss recognized the song too well, but naively screamed for help. Even if someone else were in the house with them they wouldn't be able to make out the screams through the loud forceful music. When the crazed musician stopped he was slightly panting as if he had just finished jogging. After gaining his breath he slowly got up from the bench while saying, "That song took me the longest to record. " (he paused and slightly chuckled) "I kept messing it up whenever I got into the studio, but when I got it right I was on cloud nine." (He paused to turn around toward his captive and continued). "When the label sent it to the radio stations it spent 12 weeks at the top spot battling for number 1 with yours. You may have had the dance moves, but I had the best album. Even you know it. That's why you had to talk all of that shit about me to boost your hype." By now Criss' squinted eyes revealed a scared look of confusion as he failed to match the voice of his capturer with the large image approaching him in the darkness. It sounded like Don, but it didn't look like him. "Still don't know who I am, YOU LITTLE BITCH!!?? (His voice grew louder and filled with anger) It's me, the SUPER FAG, Don!" Immediately after this was said Criss began to cry like never before. He realized that Don was preparing to get revenge on him for what he had done. The captive burst out saying, "I'M SORRY BRO! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! YOU KNOW HOW THE INDUSTRY IS MAN. IT WASN'T MEANT TO HURT YOU. IT WAS TO GAIN PUBLICITY!" Don replied, "I DON'T WANNA HEAR YOUR BULLSHIT!! YOU FUCKING RUINED MY CAREER!! AND NOW IM ABOUT TO RUIN YOUR LIFE." By now Don had made it to the edge of the bed where Criss' feet were. In an act of force Don had snatched off his coat and clapped his hands to turn on the lights. "WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! AWE FUCK NAW!!" Criss couldn't believed his eyes. Standing before him was a wall of naked beef, muscle, and fat that almost gave the appearance of Don wearing a muscle body armor. Criss had never seen a man as big as Don. Firm fat stacked on top of muscle. Large zebra patterned stretch marks mostly around the thighs, chest, and arms were painted all over his body. Huge thighs thick enough to strangle a moose thundered underneath a solid torso with huge protruding pecks that could be mistaken for size C breast were hanging below the thick neck of the handsome monster. Although scared and alone Criss just laid there in shock of what was happening to him. Don walked over to the side of the bed next to Criss' head and jumped on the bed and landed on his knees with Criss between his legs. The force of the landing caused the bottom of Don's hormone pumped meaty AZZ to slap Criss' thighs beneath him bring a loud sound similar to a belly flop in a pool. After landing on top of the captive Don made himself comfortable by leaning forward until his beefy stomach touched Criss' as if planning to kiss him. He said, "I've been waiting on this torturous moment for over half a year, and it bring pleasure to know that I can do whatever I want to you while you remain helpless. Even though I definitely am gonna punish you I can't help but to wonder how your dick feels. I haven't had sex since last summer and I noticed that you are equipped with a thick footlong dick down there. I'm gonna fuck you with my ass." Don reached over into the drawer aside his bed and grabbed 2 pills of Viagra and forced them down Criss' throat. After a few minutes a giant horse dick grew to match Don's horse - like ass. Don turned completely around to face Criss' ankles to reveal his perfectly round ass. "DAMN!!!!, Criss shouted Criss. "Fuck me like you do all of your groupies, Criss!!"

[kw-artsleuth]

Outsiders Looking In: Europe and “The Orient”

What do a Felix Bonfils photograph, an oil painting by Jean Leon Gerome and a lithograph engraved by Ingres have in common? All of these artworks were created in the 19th century by French artists, portray scenes and people from the Middle East and are in the collection at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts (Mia). However, if we dig a little deeper we may find some surprising connections. Cultural and political interactions between France and The East during the later half of the 19th century would influence how people and places were depicted by artists who traveled to l’orient (the Orient). In 1830 France captured Algiers, which began the colonization of North Africa and an influx of writers and artists to this “new” colony.  The word “Orient”, which means “East”, was used describe the large regions of North Africa, the Middle East and Asia. Most Europeans did not make distinctions between the people of these regions and ignored the many cultural, ethnic, social and political variations. Orientalism was/is a system used by the West to maintain imperial and cultural superiority over the East by portraying them as uncultured, unchanging, and uncivilized people. This East stood as a symbol of everything that Europeans perceived to be lesser and this helped to support colonial occupation and oppression. Orientalist ideas are present in the artwork of this period, as we will explore in artworks at the Minneapolis Institute of Art (mia). 

Figure 1

Sans titre, femme voilée 

1870-1879

Félix Bonfils

Albumen print

8 13/16 x 6 5/8 in.

Mia

81.77.47

   The development of Photography was especially important to the spread of images of the Middle East. For the first time, Europeans could see with clarity the “exotic wonders” of the Orient. This not only applied to the monuments and landscapes, but also the people. Felix Bonfil’s 1870’s albumin print, Sans titre, femme voilée (Untitled, Veiled Woman)(Fig. 1), is indicative of the types of photographs being taken at this time. The woman in the photograph is completely obscured by cloth as she stands in front of a plain background. She appears to hold her veil from underneath the garment. Unlike commonly worn hijabs or niqabs, the cloth underneath her veil completely obscures her face; she is simply the veiled woman. The woman makes us ask questions: Who is she? What does she look like? This photograph conforms to the narrative of the exotic and mysterious East. Europeans were less interested in realistic depictions of the people who lived there and there everyday lives. They wanted to see something new, something mysterious, something that conformed to their own fantasies about the Orient.

Felix Bonfils’ photographs were widely shared throughout Europe and his “costume studies” were used by artists as models for their paintings. Although this photograph may have been taken in his studio in Beirut, it most likely was not taken by Bonfils. It would have been considered inappropriate for a Muslim woman to have her picture taken by a man. Therefore, it is more probable that Bonfils wife, Marie-Lydie Cabanis, took this photograph and all other photographs of women in the studio. Orientalist art, and photography especially, gives the illusion of authenticity. What we don’t see is the elaborate staging that went into these photographs. It was a very artificial process; clothing and props were often added and the subjects were perfectly posed. Bonfils’ costume studies were a part of a larger European movement to document The East through art, which allowed them to control the narrative. This photograph assumes that this woman would have commonly worn this garment and that her existence was relegated to obscurity and shadow. We now understand that this was simply not true, women did have power in Middle Eastern and African societies. The Veiled Woman was not defined by her anonymity, as this photograph would suggest.

Figure 2

Odalisque 

1825

Jean-Auguste-Dominique Ingres

Lithograph

11 x 13 3/4 in.

Mia

P.11,022

In the 1825 lithograph by Jean-Auguste-Dominique Ingres (Fig. 2), we see a woman depicted with almost no clothing at all. This print is a faithful re-creation of Ingres’ popular 1814 oil painting, Grande Odalisque (Fig. 3). Lithography uses a stone or metal plate that is then drawn on and pressed onto paper, creating a print. This allowed for the mass production and circulation of images. Ingres published this and other original artworks of his in 'Album Lithographique' in 1826. The word “odalisque” is a French word that refers to a female slave or concubine. In Odalisque, we see a female reclined on a bed, her only clothing consists of a headdress. She has fine jewelry on her wrist and a peacock fan in her hand, which she drapes across her body. Although her back is turned to us, she makes eye contact with the viewer. The whole room is filled with drapery and in the bottom left-hand corner we see a hookah and an incense burner.

Figure 3

La Grande Odalisque

Jean-Auguste-Dominique Ingres

1814

Oil Painting

H. 0.91 m; W. 1.62 m

Louvre

R.F. 1158

The myth of the female slave in the harem, although completely unfounded, was a common subject of 19th century artists. This myth allowed Europe to maintain a position of moral superiority over the Orient. They could justify their involvement in this region as an ethical necessity and a civilizing force. There was another, far simpler, reason for the proliferation of this type of imagery, which had to do with its primary audience. French culture at this time, was becoming increasingly moralistic, and any attempts at female nudity in art kept to the categories of myth and legend. Depictions of the harem and nudity within it were considered acceptable because of the geographic and cultural difference that France perceived between The West and The East. The exotic stereotypes are all present in Odalisque, available for the consumption of a European audience. The reality of harem life was much more bland than the fantasy. Nudity was rare in the harem because this was the place where wives raised their children, not a brothel. Ingres, as in the case of most artists, would have never seen the inside of a harem. Odalisque presents to us the narrative of the exotic East, which fulfilled Europe’s desire for sexualized material while maintaining a moral and ethical distance.

Figure 4

The Carpet Merchant

c. 1887

Jean-Léon Gérôme

Oil on canvas

33 7/8 x 27 1/16 in.

Mia

70.40

Jean-Leon Gerome’s paintings were, and continue to be, celebrated for their vibrant colors and hyper-realistic scenes. One of Mia’s more famous holdings is The Carpet Merchant (Fig. 4), which Gerome painted in 1887 after one of his many trips to the Middle East. Two years prior, in 1855, he had visited The Court of the Rug Market in Cairo. On the surface this painting may seem like a faithful re-creation of an event that Gerome actually witnessed, but in reality Gerome took liberties when depicting Oriental scenes. He was more concerned with creating locations that evoked the unchanging “otherness” of the Orient, rather than those that were realistic. 

The Carpet Merchant depicts the sale of elaborate carpets in a large interior room. The merchant gestures towards a prospective buyer, as a group of richly clothed men stand around him, admiring his wares. Carpets lay strewn on the floor in the foreground, while the background is completely consumed by a large, ornate red and green carpet. The many different styles of dress and turbans on display seem to come right out of Bonfils’ costume studies. This painting reveals another aspect of Orientalism; consumerism. Europeans were avid consumers of Oriental goods, even going so far as to dress in Oriental clothing. Carpets, fine jewelry, and furniture were just some of the imports that became available in popular marketplaces such as London. It even became popular to furnish your apartment and wardrobe in the style of the Middle East and live your life in the guise of an Oriental. Of course, what we see in Gerome’s painting is a spectacle of imagination.

These surprising connections between artworks from entirely different mediums shows us how common Orientalist thought was during the 19th Century. The legacy of Orientalism continues to have effects on how Westerners perceive Middle Eastern countries and vice-versa. Contemporary Middle Eastern artists are still grappling with the consequences of this ideology in their art. These artists create work that conveys the complex, dynamic, and culturally rich place that the The East is, as a counterpoint to these static depictions by Orientalist artists.