#might change the time tense... this started as a fic idea and i wrote the whole thing instead

[goldammerchen]

Fotosynthese

332 words

on a sunny day, alfred goes to east berlin for a super spy mission—actually just sent as a spy to find anything that could be useful. wandering around, he ends up next to one of berlin lakes. only after he sees a bunch of naked people sunbathing he realizes that he's in a FKK zone.

nothing useful to discover there, alfred thinks while turning around. as he walks, he has the hunch of being followed. whenever he stops to look behind him he doesn't see anyone, but the feeling returns as soon as he walks again. this keeps happening until:

"oi, mister american spy, why don't you and me have a talk?"

alfred recognizes that voice from when he was a young nation fighting for his independence, with the same pitch used to mock him. now he sees prussia—or more exactly, the still fairly new in countries age gdr—wearing nothing but a pair of zeha sneakers, instead of an impeccable military uniform.

"dude! what's wrong with you?!" alfred fixes his eyes on his former mentor's eyes, to avoid looking down again, still having trouble to believe what he sees: someone seems to have lost his marbles.

"nothing! i'm better than ever!" says, but gilbert's smile twitches. "and if there was something wrong, i don't give a fuck anymore."

gilbert starts chasing alfred. before alfred outruns the older yet "new" european nation, he hears gilbert recriminations:

"i fucking died, you damn kid!"

with his cover blown, knowing gil would alert his people, alfred aborted the aimless mission. he didn't say a word about the incident to ludwig, but despite that, weeks later during a cloudy day, ludwig showed himself acquainted with what happened ("how?!")

"i told you."

"i told you what?" alfred asks, confounded.

"about the nudists."

alfred couldn't wait to go back to his home. as much as he has fun when he works in europe (finding the action he needs), he dearly misses the sun being more present in his life...

[mamaz00m]

So. Plans for the future. Let’s talk about it.

Going back through this fic and finally writing the last chapter opened the floodgates for me, in a way. As I said in my last post, I’d been wondering about what Gabe and Eli in the future would be like, what their lives would look like. I wrote a glimpse into their future back in 2019 in A Name of My Own. But I still feel like there’s more to uncover, more to learn, to discover.

Finishing Raise Hell felt monumental for me. When I completed the last chapter, I sat staring at the final line for fifteen minutes, asking myself if I could do this—if I could finally publish it. If I was ready for this all to be over. Because this fic had started out as a coping mechanism for me. When I’d began writing it, I identified pretty heavily with Eli—like I wanted so desperately to have someone come rescue me. Someone who knew how to care for me while also pushing me to be my best in ways that felt challenging, but not scary. Weirdly, it felt difficult to essentially ‘let go’ of that time in my life, that version of me.

Weirder, still, is the fact that just like Eli, I essentially got exactly what I wanted. I moved in with my best friend. We’ve built a life together. I’m happy, and I’m finally beginning to thrive instead of just survive. I clicked publish. I decided to let go of the 24 year old version of me.

And by the next day, (nearly) 34 year old me had an idea for a second Gabeli story—a road map unfurled in my mind, the journey these two men could take stretching out before me. I have the notes written down for a second story, ready to begin writing.

What does this mean for RH?

For Raise Hell as it currently exists? Probably nothing.

In its current form, Raise Hell has a few problems—tense-shifting, for one, a couple Boosh/Mint Royale references that would need changed if I were to publish it. I have copy/pasted the whole of the fic into my favorite writing program and am slowly combing through it, fixing the problems with tenses, formatting it, etc. I do have plans to eventually get it up for sale in its new form (with a couple extra scenes included), but that’s in the future. If you loved it, I’d download it now so that you’ll always have access to it in its original form because it might not remain forever on AO3.

What is Heaven & Earth?

The sequel I’m planning for Raise Hell. It will be set roughly two years after the conclusion of RH and will follow one major plot and two minor subplots as we follow the boys further into their relationship.

We’ll see how Jen, Ben, and Kat are doing and we’ll find out more about Spuds, James, and Alan, too.

We’ll uncover more insights about Gabe’s past and his parents, and we’ll see some things from Eli’s past get wrapped up as well.

Will you be posting H&E to AO3?

Yes! Any Gabeli stuff I work on will be posted to AO3 first and then be made available in other formats, reconfigured, improved, etc. later.

What is Hereafter?

The long and short of it is I don’t know yet! Coming back to finish a fic (and then go on to continue it) for what appears to be a dead fandom is a…weird experience, to say the least. I’m convinced at this point that I’m only continuing this for my own benefit at this point, but I think I’m fine with that.

I think once I’ve finished with H&E, the picture will become clearer for Hereafter. Or Hereafter may become just a collection of oneshots only on AO3—random snapshots of Gabe and Eli’s lives at different points. I don’t know. I’ll figure it out when the time comes.

So. That’s it for the updates for now.

Thanks again.

<3

[mumms-the-word]

#17 for the writer's asks. Like you have a schedule for Nautera, and I can't fathom writing fast enough to strick to a schedule 😭, or being certain I wouldn't want to change some parts until the fic is almost done. So I'm interested to hear what your process is!

Oh man this question is so complicated for me haha here we go. Looong answer ahead so I've put most of it under the cut!

17. talk about your writing and editing process

okay so let me start off by saying...I don't have a consistent process haha

I do up to a point. So most of the time for fic, when I get an idea, I'll mull it around in my head a bit, and I might jot down a few lines or notes I don't want to forget in the Notes app (either on my phone or on my laptop), and then I'll set it aside for when I have time to write it. Then I write it, read over it the next day for edits, put it in tumblr for another round of edits, and post it when I feel like I'm happy with it.

But in reality? Oof. It really just depends. (also TLDR, writing is a process, and I love my fanfic community <3)

Sometimes the inspiration to write a whole oneshot or scene takes me and I'll write out a first draft right there in the Notes app (I tend to sacrifice work when I do this, which is bad and often why I end up with so much unfinished work with deadlines staring me dead in the face at the last minute. So I do not recommend this, but hyperfixation will hyperfixate...) I believe I wrote the entire first drafts for Choosing to Live and Ascension, Return in one day each.

Other times, I'll come back to it and play around with it for a bit. Sometimes the writing is easy! Chapter 4 for In Fathoms Below was super fun for me to write (especially the last half) because I had battle music playing and I was just so excited to get to the dragon turtle reveal. Chapter 5, which will be a much more intense action/adventure scene, was significantly harder and took much longer. I think I spent several days, probably a week fighting with that chapter, because I wanted it to be good, fast-paced, and tense...but also make sense. I'll probably still mess with it before it posts on Friday.

Sometimes, I can write a whole scene/chapter in a day. Other times it takes me several days. It really just depends. Sometimes music helps. Sometimes I just can't make one single paragraph work and it frustrates me for days (*coughcoughCHAPTER 5cough*). Sometimes I write myself into a corner and I don't know how to fix what I did, but I'm too stubborn to delete anything just yet or start over. Not every chapter/scene/oneshot is the same!

Once I have a full draft of the chapter/oneshot, however, then I start to edit it. This also changes up depending on the project. For a oneshot, I might read through it twice on my Notes app, adjusting things as I go. I try not to write a full oneshot and post it on the same day so I can sleep on it and come back to it with a fresh brain (mini fics like the Nightfall and alone, finally fics don't count, I'll post those after two read-throughs on the same day because they are asks).

Once I'm half-satisfied with it in Notes, then I'll stick it into tumblr on my laptop and use the Grammarly widget to help catch grammar mistakes. Reading it in a different font/arrangement/format also helps with finding mistakes or catching awkward sentences. Once I'm happy with it on tumblr, I'll queue it up to post, and then copy/paste everything into AO3 and post it there once it goes live on tumblr.

For a chapter of my longfics, however, I might read it several times. I'll go back and read the previous chapter and then the current one to make sure I've kept things consistent and that everything flows or transitions from one chapter to the next, for example. I'll read it once a day for a couple of days (maybe skipping a day if I'm frustrated with it) and see what each new day brings in terms of edits, fixes, and ideas. With the Masquerade longfic, because it's kind of just for me and a friend (though I'm excited that others are enjoying it too!), I'll post the chapter as soon as I'm relatively satisfied with it, maybe only spending 2-3 days on edits (not counting time spent writing a full draft).

For the Nautera/Atlantis fic, however, because I know there's a bit more hype from 2-3 more readers (and people have been SO lovely in their comments on AO3 as well!! <3), I put a smidge more effort into it. For one, I set up a schedule and wrote several chapters in advance, because last week and this week is PACKED with deadlines and work I ignored while doing other things (ahem, like writing the Atlantis fic). I wrote 4 chapters pretty much in the span of a week and then held off posting any of them until I had a good queue lined up. Then I queued them up over two weeks.

The benefit to this is that it gives me breathing room to write at my own pace while still ensuring I have content for my readers...which is different than the Masquerade fic, which I kind of write "as the inspiration strikes" and so I don't update it nearly as consistently (sorry friends). Trust me, if I posted chapters as soon as I had them ready, I would've posted 4 chapters back to back on the same day or on 4 days, and then we'd be waiting 2-3 weeks (or months) for the next chapter. I'd get bogged down by shame, I'd contemplate quietly quitting the project, it would be a whole thing. The queue helps me and my readers. I really need to implement it for the masquerade fic too.

(I still have a queue going, actually. I currently have Nautera's chapter 5 queued up to post on Friday and chapter 6 in a "midway" draft stage, and the start of chapter 7 in Notes. I don't normally write that far ahead! But the idea has me in a chokehold...and I'd rather write it than work, unfortunately.)

HOWEVER. The benefit and downside to having the chapters queued up and being excited for them is that I can still mess with them. So for the Nautera/Atlantis chapters, they might sit in my queue for a week, and every day I might go back in and make tiny adjustments. So for some things, I might only do a day of edits, maybe 2 days. For something like the Nautera/Atlantis fic, though? I have a bad habit of messing with each chapter several times lol sometimes this is fine and sometimes I feel like I'm messing with them too much, you know?

All that said, for some reason, fics don't trigger my perfectionism, even knowing I have actual readers reading and responding to them. You'd think they would, but they don't. Unlike my original book projects, which trigger my perfectionism so bad I haven't finished several of them because I want to keep messing with them, fics are consumed so quickly I feel less pressure about sharing them. I think there's a kind of freedom in knowing that once it's posted, it's out there, for better or for worse. You can fix minor edits, but you don't necessarily have to sweat the small stuff because it's just fanfic, it's posted for free, and if people don't want to read it, it's not personal. It's been really fun, actually, and I love the little community I've built making BG3 fics for people (and for myself).

I think, also, it's been healthy for me to hone my writing craft/skills away from fandom spaces first. I didn't get an AO3 until this year and I'm in my late 20s. I think if I had tried to write fanfic when I was a teen or even in my early 20s, I'd be too obsessed with the numbers. At this point in my life, I'm just happy to get a couple of comments, and happier still that my writing brings 4-5 people joy <3

It also helps to remember the wise words of one of my graduate instructors when it comes to certain projects: Done is better than good. This is a life-saver for essays and school projects, of course, but for fic, I know we want our content to be good. So I'll adjust it for fic here:

Done is better than perfect.

[solar-halos]

so fucking bored (if u haven’t heard) that i wrote out some stuff about the career annie longfic

• i’m still not completely sure whether or not i want it to be an au where the only thing that changes about her life is that she was brought up as a career, but i think im leaning away from that idea. she’s still going to have mommy issues (as in issues w her mom) though

• her and finnick are still gonna be childhood sweethearts. so much of the other longfic was based in hcs i don’t personally believe in and this will be one of them just bc the thought of them only being together for about 5 years actually makes me so genuinely sad

• however, this makes fleshing out their relationship even more interesting imo. they still break up, like in the longfic, except it’s way sooner. like finnick comes back from the arena and is trying to talk annie out of volunteering and she gets so fed up with him insinuating that she won’t be able to handle it (who could, honestly?) and he gets so frustrated that he can’t really explain himself properly that they go their separate ways

• and, like in the longfic, annie starts talking to other people, but id want to take this as an opportunity to flesh out how dating works as an academy student. i can’t imagine that they’d wanna date other students, but maybe a lot of ppl there would actually prefer to date non-careers. idk though could be something to think about

• i’m still keeping in zale though and none of u can convince me otherwise. might go an absolutely sinister route peeta said she went insane after watching her district partner get beheaded but he never said if SHE [redacted] [reading this back it sounds like i’m trying to say that she beheaded her district partner. that’s not what i meant i think she’d definitely get remembered for that i’m just saying maybe she was more involved in that than we initially thought… much to think about)

• finnick doesn’t mentor annie but it’s pretty tense whenever they’re in the same room at the same time for dinners or whatever but it also gives her time to think about what the capitol is doing to him. i think she’d figure it out a lot faster than the annie in the other fic bc of that career bg + she’s a lot older now

• now that i’m writing this all out im realizing that this is barely better than them only knowing each other for five years. if anything it’s probably worse bc they’re together for one year and have a bitter breakup and then meet together in the capitol and then after annie wins she gets so embarrassed that he was right about her not being able to “handle it” that it takes them even longer to reconcile. which does sound interesting don’t get me wrong i just don’t wanna write it. so actually i think this is my cue to go and workshop this some more

[jetgirl1832]

20 Questions More

This is a deeper and more detailed version of the 20 questions for AO3 fanfic writers. @nottawriter hit me with a tag, I have been attacked lol.

1) How do you keep getting ideas for your ship / fandom? A dash of shower thoughts, with a pinch of I watched a movie and couldn't help but think... Yes, that will work. They often feel like the come from nowhere.

2) Which authors inspire you in your fandom, and why are they so freakishly good? That's not fair how dare you ask me this!!!! Uhhh I'm mostly reading Supercorp stuff these days sooo... @jazzfordshire, @mycatismyeditor, @fazedlight, @innamorament0, @scribblingpunk, @fyonahmacnally to name a few. AAAAND my co-author and a vast array of things @tomatopudding! Why? Idk, I just get drawn a lot to these works and think they're lovely, and I love their depictions of these characters I love.... with @tomatopudding we just vibe very well, sharing the same five brain cells helps.

3) Aside from the characters of your main ship, who are the characters you love to write? If we're talking Supergirl... That's so hard, but I might have to say Brainy and Nia if really pressed... and Alex. I really enjoy Alex.

Otherwise, my other faves include all of the Les Amis from Les Miserables (if you know you know), specifically Courfeyrac and Marius and their hilarious dynamic. Other faves include Eliza Schuyler-Hamilton, Eponine Thenardier and... This could go on for a very long time, are you sure you have time?

4) Are there pairings or tropes you know for sure you’d never write about? Which ones? Not putting Kara and Lena together just makes me sad... So Supercorp ftw all the way, they are my top (I am a lot more amenable in other fandoms I've written for)

Tropes... I'm unlikely to do Omega-verse, I haven't done it and I can't see myself starting even if I sometimes read it.

5) What is your writing process and why is it cursed?

When I worked in retail I wrote on stupid little scraps and probably lost about 75% of them. Sometimes the method is hand writing, and then typing and making edits during that process as well. The handwritten can vary drastically from the typed draft lol.

I tend to fly by the seat of my pants unless someone is keeping me in line. I'm pretty darn chaotic.

I doubt myself a lot, so I always think whatever I write is garbage no matter how much proof there is that's not true. Also, sometimes I get burnt out, or my muse dies and then I feel terrible. Yay.

6) What is your favorite part of your writing process? Falling down rabbit holes, looking into fun topics. Likely ending up on a government watch list for the stuff I've searched up over the years

7) What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had to research for a fic? Uhhh.... hmm. I have no idea what the weirdest is lol. Cause it's on my mind, probably looking up what types of wood are easiest to chop, and why. (There is definitely weirder, but I don't remember right now).

8) Is there a particular writing rule you struggle with (grammar, spelling, tense, reality in general)? Commas. They hate me, and I hate them.

9) What was your hardest scene to write so far and why? Oof. Uhhh... This is so hard! Honestly there is a lot of stuff in my co-written very long series Hamilton Family Album that was *a lot* between research and feels.

Especially when you're co-author hits you with unexpected feels out of nowhere that you weren't anticipating (YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID).

10) Have your characters ever done something you didn’t expect, changing your plot completely? Of course, they have. It happens all the time.

11) If you could converse with any of the characters, who would it be and why? Ohhh... Hands down Kara and Lena, I wish they could be my friends and we could hang out. Why? I think that they are absolutely incredible, wonderful and I could just sing their praises for ever.

12) What are some of the tropes or themes that you find yourself returning to in your writing? Oooo, I'm a sucker for fluffy romances, and I've been dabbling in smut recently. Other themes for me can be like found family is a really popular one for me.

Since I've written both a lot of Les Mis and Hamilton stuff (among other similar things) I've done a lot of "Modern AU's" as well, which are uhhh varied to say the least. If I can treat anything they way the treat most Shakespeare pieces these days I do it.

13) What’s your most important resource as a writer? Asking for help! Soundboarding with other writers, I love doing it. It helps me make sense of my ideas... Or decide they're maybe too out there (almost never lol)

14) Can you share some of your strategies for editing and revising your work? Reading it out loud, I have a hard time noticing errors otherwise. Asking someone you trust to look it over as well, take your time and double and triple check if you're unsure about something.

15) Which is worse: making the summary, picking the tags, or the anxiety when you post your fic? D. All of the Above

16) How do you define success for your fanfic - hits? Kudos? Comments? Bookmarks? Or just if you like it? I try to just write for myself, usually because I haven't seen something like it and think it should exist. I do really enjoy getting comments if only because I'm always curious to hear what readers think about my work.

17) Do you have a playlist for your favorite character / ship? I don't, and if I did it would be odd... I'm the most massive theater nerd. I do have songs that I think fit the vibes, and some shows I listen to have more apt things than others. Or if it's Les Mis it's the whole dang album lol.

Supercorp things if anyone is curious (and wondering how odd it could get): Mercury Rising from Lizzie, Come Home With Me, Anyway the Wind Blows, Wait for Me and Wedding Song from Hadestown, In A Crowd of Thousands from Anastasia, Origin of Love from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Maybe I introduced you to something fun today.

18) If fan art was going to be made from your work, which fic would you pick and which fan artist would you like to create it? Oh dear... I don't know. The thing I'd love to see art for isn't up yet and I just think it would be fun but it will be called What Was I Made For... And we're gonna leave at that for now.

19) How many WIPs do you currently have? I'm finishing up You've Got New Followers (One chapter left!), I think three other WIP's (two more plotted than others) and my WIP for May-Hem... So five?

20) What’s your advice to new fanfic writers? Don't be afraid just because you've never done it before. That's why fanfic is amazing. You can do what you want and in reality no one can stop you, just make sure you're having fun.

My fics: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JetGirl1832/works?page=1

Tagging but no pressure: @tomatopudding and @innamorament0

[lilypheria]

Writers ask!

1. Start to finish, how long did it take to plan and write? Did you take breaks during the process?

6. How did you decide what tense and POV(s) to use?

18. Talk about your editing and revision process

26. Share your favorite detail

1. Start to finish, how long did it take to plan and write? Did you take breaks during the process?

This is highly dependant on the fic I'm writing. If I get a flash inspiration, the entire fic might take only a week to write - I just wrote 45k in that time bc of this. This, though, isn't my standard writing and it's mostly fueled by autism and hyperfixation (and I don't recommend it lmao). Usually it takes a few months to write it from the idea up to the last chapter, and then bit more time when I post it.

6. How did you decide what tense and POV(s) to use?

Usually I just go with vibe. Sometimes a fic feels better in present tense, so I use that. My main style is past tense, though, and I prefer it over present tense. As for the POVs, I usually gravitate to write from the bottom's POV (Sasuke, Cloud) if I'm writing a fic from one POV only. But I do like to write dual POV too, it also depends on the story.

18. Talk about your editing and revision process

I might do some re-writing if I feel like it (or if my first readers point out something I could change), but in most cases I just read the chapter over, fix typos and then post it lmao

26. Share your favorite detail

My favorite detail about writing in general? I love the moments when I can give myself be as unhinged as possible and write all weekend if I want to. My muscles are stiff and head achy, but I am content lmao

[logicgunn]

🛒, ✨, 💋, 🎶, 🛠, 🍦, 💖, ❌, 🎃, 🎨, 🦅, 🤗, 🎉, 🤯, 💥, 🤭, and 🥰, please?

Thanks for the ask! Phew! *stretches fingers*

💋&🎶answered here!

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

Coldness. Domesticity. Whump. Challenging gender roles (according to Bun).

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

I've gotten skilled at characterisation and turning "s/he would not fucking say/do that" into something plausible.

🛠What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?

Online: Microsoft Word

Offline: Libre Office.

I am open to suggestions if anyone uses anything other than these and GDocs, which I tried and hated.

🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?

Cinnamon Bun (The Language of Love) for sure!

💖 What made you start writing?

Time, boredom, depression and watching Stargate Atlantis for the first time and catching feels for McShep.

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

I can't imagine ever writing an omegaverse fic. I would have said high school/collage AUs, but I did write a Laura & Rodney teen fic that had a high school setting. Probably a one off though.

🎃 Do you write fics for certain holidays? Which is your favorite holiday inspired fic?

I have written a halloween fic, a christmas fic, and another christmas fic. Holidays are good inspo. I think I have a couple of unfinished valentine's wips in a folder somewhere I should look at.

🎨 How do you feel about fan art of your stories?

There's some very cool podfic covers of some of my fics that rock my socks!

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

Shorter ones just happen, but if they start to expand or I already know they're multichap or a series then I definitely make a plan. Plans change a lot though because sometimes when I write it goes off in an unexpected direction.

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

Just write. A crap draft can be edited, a blank page can't. Start with the idea that's burning in your mind. Expand on it later, in both directions if you want.

There's a tumblr post going around that says if you are stuck in a scene, go back a few lines, the problem is there, I've found that to be true more often than not.

Sometimes a story is just a single scene, and that's enough. I wrote an OFMD fic that I intended to be a 5+1, but ended up posting as a oneshot instead and it was better for that choice than it ever could have been if I'd struggled on.

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

Hard to say. I get immmense satisfaction in finishing a fic. Sharing it is nervewracking, but if a few people kudos I'm thrilled. We all want validation on some level. 10 kudos and I stop worrying!

🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

Genres aren't so much a problem for me, I'm up for most things. Some are easier than others, like angst and whump and fluff, but there's nothing I think of as a struggle. The things I struggle with a more grammatical than thematic.

💥 How do you feel about criticism?

I get asked that a lot so I wrote a thing on my AO3 page.

"Concrit

If it can be fixed in five minutes, let me know in the comments. If I'm skirting the edge of something without the delicate touch it requires, please DM me, I only bite bigots. If you hate everything I've written from present tense to an au setting to queer themes, I might not be the writer for you..."

Most of the "concrit" I've had has been bigotry, and I'm sure everyone already knows my tolerence for that. If something's posted, I'm pretty much done with it, except when I go back and reread it after posting and find a dozen typos that did not exist in my final draft!

🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?

My most used additional tags are fluff, post-apocalypse and survival, so make of that what you will!

🥰 How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?

Absolutely!

[abubblingcandle]

fic writer asks!

1 and/or 18 and/or 27 and/or 30

💚🌹💚🌹💚

Thank you love!

the last sentence you wrote

From The Portable Heater (RoyJamie sickfic)

“Because you are sick and I can’t trust you to look after yourself.”

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

I don't tend to keep them really but for A Treatment Room Doors Moment I was originally going to jump POVs but then decided to stick with Roy all the way through so I have a couple of scenes I might post as like a blooper reel of sorts. Here's one:

“Come on Jamie,” she sighed, getting to her feet and waving for him to follow her. “Oh ok. We can walk and talk,” Jamie shrugged and continued to make his point about how he just wanted people to notice he was trying to change. Keeley sighed again. She really didn’t have time for this. They climbed up the stairs and Keeley pushed the partially open door to Dr Sharon’s office. “Jamie, this is Dr. Fieldstone. She's a brilliant therapist and, unlike me, she actually gets paid to listen to you complain,” Keeley gestured to Sharon with a tense smile. “Oh, right. Um, sorry doc but I already go to therapy like,” Jamie stammered looking between Dr Sharon and Keeley, looking like a kicked puppy. “Really?” Keeley squeaked before her brain caught up. She thought this was going to be a fight to get Jamie to see someone to talk to … not that he already had. “Yeah, she’s called Lucy and she’s ace. We chat on the phone now I ain’t in Manchester,” Jamie shrugs as if this was no big deal. “No offence doc. Just don’t really need two do I?” Jamie smiles awkwardly to Sharon.

27. your favorite part of the writing process

I just love it when a plan starts to come together! That moment where your ideas fall into place and you look at it and are like "oh, this is actually a story"

30. share a fic you’re especially proud of

Where the Hell is the Karma?, without hesitation. I was worried about this as the fandom doesn't have a lot of fics like this and it just turned so long but the sense of accomplishment when it was finished and when people actually liked it was second to none!

[mrs-weasley-reid]

Dear writer,

I have been thoroughly enjoying your work for the past week or so, I can admit I am a tiny bit obsessed with your writing. You are talented, gifted, dare I say. Receive a warm e-hug as the utmost representation of my appreciation.

That being said, if you are taking requests, may you please develop this? (it is far beyond my capabilities, time-wise and creative-wise lol): BAU Rookie!reader was recruited by Emily as Hotch was away dealing with some personal matters and entrusted her with the recruiting process. On rookie's first day, she was there early and got to meet the rest of the team, introduced by Emily. Hotch arrives a little late, as he came back from another state in the very late evening. When Emily finally introduces the rookie to their boss, they are both in shock (try to hide it, but fail to, team finds it odd) as they recognize each other from a wild one night stand they had when they were both drunk and ran into eachother at a bar/club, several months prior. They never exchanged names, so when Hotch was reviewing the rookie's paperwork while catching up on work during his flight, her name didn't ring any bells; likewise for rookie when Emily told her their boss' name. After the briefing, he asks rookie for a moment in his office to fill out some paperwork before they had to leave. It is tense, everyone on the team wondering what paperwork would be necessary since Emily took care of everything, they knew something was up, they're profilers after all. They talk it out and agree on making up a story about how they recognized eachother and why it was awkward. The other issue that ensues? Rookie takes a liking for Reid, and he likes her back, which makes Hotch get very jealous.

That's all I've got, I trust you'll be able to develop this into something addicting that I will absolutely eat up. I'd build you a shrine if you made it a series too lol

AHHHHHHHHHHH—

First, THANK YOU!!! I'm so so so so happy to hear that you love my writing🥹 I cried a bit because, like most writers in here, I struggle to love my own writing, especially when I'm getting a case of imposter syndrome, plus the likes to reblogs to comments ratio is atrocious I'm never certain if people like the fic or just reflexively hitting the like button so I truly appreciate the appreciation <3333

NOW ABOUT YOUR REQUEST— I'M IN!!!! It's such a well-thought-out idea. I immediately had the vision, but I'll be changing some stuff besides the baseline idea. I'm not a fan of the love triangle between reid and hotch. I prefer one or the other but a good background detail is great!

I do want to tell you that I have so many WIPs and so little time to write, so it might take some time before I post it. However, to show you my commitment, I started a draft for funsies🤭

lastly, I've never done a series fic except that one platonic Reid X reader (which wasn't exactly a series, just me adding more into the story because I felt like it, lol) and some two-part shots I wrote on a whim. So maybe I will? Most likely, I won't. Depends on how many people are interested in the first part

[astoldbygingersnaps]

HARPER’S 2022 FIC WRAP-UP

WELL GANG, WHAT A YEAR IT HAS BEEN!

first off, i know i’ve fallen off A Lot on tumblr in the last year, so my deepest and most sincere apologies for that. 2022 was a chaotic, frustrating, and overall deeply transformative year (for both better and worse) for me, and with all the changes/struggles in my professional and personal life it’s been difficult to maintain a decent posting schedule along with like. continuing to talk to people and function as a human being lmfao.

alas, another year has come to an end, and though i considered not doing my annual wrap-up, it’s become something of a tradition for me at this point, so fuck it, we ball.

without further ado, let’s talk fanfic:

projects i updated/completed in 2022:

oceans between us (shiita; 38,737 words; complete)

it’s a testament to how heinously long and strange this year was that when i sat down to draft up this wrap-up i genuinely fucking forgot i finished this fic in 2022. wild!

like a lot of fics i write (or want to write, and then do not) this fic was born from an attachment to a particular image or idea that inspired inspiration and then i had to pull a whole plot out of my ass to justify its existence. this was very much the case with the first chapter of ‘oceans between us’ aka atonement au, where the spirit of doomed historical romances and period-typical repression and sexual tension possessed me like a ghost and caused me to cough up the first chapter of that fic in like two days. i also wanted to write something that was very different than the typical character interactions and tone that existed in my previous works, and even looking back on it now i still think it’s a really unique and interesting addition to the works i’ve published thus far.

like i’ve said before, originally this was going to be a oneshot that ended where the first chapter does, i.e. with shisui going to jail and the relationship between him and itachi purposefully left without resolution. but that idea reeeeally much did not go over well when i discussed it with other people (aka my wife), which left me with the very real problem of how to conclude this goddamn fic. and that’s where itachi came in.

hilariously, i feel like this fic ushered in an unofficial (and accidental) era of itachi pov takeover where nearly everythng i wrote last year (and definitely everything i published in 2022) was in itachi’s pov exclusively. that said, after the events at the end of the last chapter, it felt necessary to have itachi tell the final chapter because i knew i needed to have a good explanation for his lack of action at the conclusion of chapter one and i also needed to get people back on his side for the end of the fic to land successfully.

in terms of structure, the switching of tenses and time periods was both incredibly fun and incredibly annoying in terms of editing and consistently, but i do feel like it added an immediacy and level of fear to the fic that enhanced the reading. if you’ve read the original book, you know that the characters itachi and shisui are (loosely) based on (cecilia and robbie) both die and never have their happy ending in real life, only in fiction. so i wanted the reader to feel real concern that these two crazy kids might not make it after all.

overall, i ended up being really, really happy with how this fic turned out, and some of my favorite scenes i’ve ever written (namely, the reunion scene between shisui and itachi in the cafe) are in this story. more than anything, it was just nice to start the year by finishing something.

lazarus taxon (shiita; 38,256 words; in progress)

quite frankly, this fic was the bane of my existence in 2022 for a variety of reasons.

first off, this chapter was an absolute Nightmare to write. as many of you may remember, initially i had planned jurassic world au as a three-part fic, whereas now it is... not quite that anymore. having written and published the first two chapters within a pretty short timespan, when i sat down to seriously work on (what i thought was) the final chapter, it rapidly became clear that there was no way to successfully wrap this shit up in one more installment. and as i was writing, it was pretty obvious that i was rushing from plot point to plot point trying to get the fic finished rather than taking the time to make it a story i was proud of and would want to re-read. once i realized that, it became a guessing game of what i was missing, and once i thought about it, the answer was obvious: conflict.

(we will have this discussion again next year when i tell the tale of how, in january 2023, i ended up scrapping almost the entire (actual) last chapter of this fic because i had to learn this lesson all over again.)

narratively speaking, blue’s injury served a few important purposes. first off, it’s a chance to see shisui--who’s been something of a handsome and charming enigma--soften up and appear a lot less composed and in control than he’s previously been. that vulnerability was necessary if he and itachi were going to push their relationship to another level, and also necessary to motivate itachi to take a real, genuine stand against fugaku and all his fugaku-ery. (it was also, admittedly, a chance for me to continue to play in the sandbox i’ve created where i get to use a lot of my real world knowledge and skills--namely, animal behavior and veterinary medicine, the two things i do for a living.)

once i unlocked that piece of the puzzle, everything started to fall into place, and then i knew that i would need an entire chapter to devote to itachi and shisui as a couple--what their relationship would look like, how dating would change them, and if, given the differences between them, it was possible to even sustain a relationship in the first place. which is why i ended on the confession scene, so everything that came after would be something of a blank slate and the finale could just be the--pun intended--evolution of their bond.

all that said, by the time i was finished with this chapter i had spent so much time, effort, and energy trying to wrangle it into something readable i was kind of drained by it, and that fact along with the knowledge that it’s never been my most popular fic (and that the reception to this update was a little quiet) left me burnt out by fanfic for a bit. it also didn’t help that, as i’ve previously discussed, this was around the time my entire life was uprooted by losing my job so there were just. a lot of factors working against me that really zapped my inspiration. if only another project could have come along and truly inspired me...

pack up (don’t stray) (shiita; 63,923 words; completed)

hilariously, i had way more Profound and Meaningful shit to say about this fic, but tumblr ate a chunk of my post when i was trying to save it and i’m too annoyed at this stupid website to try and recreate all of my previous comments in depth. 

what i will say is that, if there’s any fic that stands a chance of surpassing star trek au as the fic i’m most known for, i’m really, really happy it’s this one. i love this fic from beginning to end, i think it’s one of the strongest pieces i’ve published, and i’m honored that other people have become as invested in the sad, weird little world as i am. honestly, it’s been so touching to see how many people have connected with this story and how it’s gone from a piece i mentioned in my 2021 wrap-up as really loving but being kind of sad about the lack of traction to a fic that developed a really dedicated reader-base who provided some of the best comments and feedback i’ve ever gotten. and since the two updates were so different from one another (and the final chapter is so, so long) it only feels appropriate to give them each their own sections.

chapter two:

to be blunt, there’s a really good chance that the second chapter of band au is my favorite thing i’ve ever written, full stop. part of the reason i think i have such fondness for this chapter (besides the fact that that i accomplished all my goals for this section of the story with this chapter and i feel like the writing itself is pretty good) is the fact that i wrote almost all of it in the span of about six or eight hours like a madman. in doing so, it was really easy to stay focused, maintain a tight grip on the pacing and narrative, and let everything flow from there.

like i said in my 2021 wrap-up, part of the appeal of this story was to push itachi and shisui to the brink of likability and test how many crappy things they could do to one another while people still had empathy for them (the answer turned out to be: a lot!) i think part of why so many people have reached out to tell me that this fic affected them so much is because, in some ways, all the pain and misery is just so mundane. there’s no spaceships or magic ninjas or genetically-modified dinosaurs; it’s just two people breaking each other’s hearts, over and over again, the same terrible shit that happens every day and there’s something really relatable about that. (for more on this point, see my answer to this ask.)

(speaking of relatability--as someone who has struggled with substance abuse for the entirely of their adult life and is always working on their sobriety, the prospect of dipping into that well was incredibly daunting, and i’m happy that it felt authentic to people who were reading.)

i don’t want to gush over my own writing because that seems tacky, but man oh man. there’s just so many things about this chapter i love and i’m just so happy other people felt the same way. anyway, time for the finale!

chapter three:

in some ways, the final chapter of band au was one of the pieces i was most nervous to write. after spending two chapters taking a wrecking ball to the shiita relationship in this fic, the prospect of piecing it back together in a fashion that felt genuine and respectful of the trauma they both experienced seemed kind of impossible.

like most of my projects, i knew from the beginning what the end of this fic was going to be. i actually knew the ending to band au better than most of my other stories, because before i even finished chapter one i knew the last chapter would end with the airport scene and i knew the specific lines of dialogue that would conclude the fic itself. the problem was how to justify even the possibility of shisui and itachi considering getting back together after everything they did to one another in the last chapter.

the first step seemed to be presenting how much they’d grown (itachi is sober, shisui got married--and divorced!-- and had a kid, both of their careers had progressed in different directions, etc.) to show that perhaps they were evolving to a point where they could learn to be in each other’s lives again. i really enjoyed re-imagining this characters as, in theory, older and wiser and adding in newer characters and original details to flesh out the lives they had created when they were apart from one another. honestly, my heart is so soft for both millie and heather, and i’m genuinely so happy that my ocs--always a dicey prospect in fic--got such a warm reception. i also really loved getting to show the band as a functioning, familial unit and all the different relationships that existed amongst the four of them. and how can i not love mean little sasuke with his suburban chickens and burning hatred for shisui. 

the second step, as it often seems to be for me, was making peace with the fact that this chapter was going to have to be approximately eight hundred thousand years long if i wanted to stick the landing. if i was going to trace itachi’s journey from suspicion and lingering mistrust, to warily allying himself with shisui, to realizing he actually enjoys being around shisui again, to realizing how much he still misses and loves shisui, to taking a risk and giving shisui a second chance despite literally every reason not to do so, i was going to have to take my time and earn that decision. even though writing this one chapter ate up the majority of my writing time this year, i’m really happy with the length of this chapter and the different locations and events it followed, because i feel like it gave the story a lived-in quality that was necessary given how over-the-top the second chapter was.

on the other end of making this reunion functional and believable, inevitably this chapter also had to be the shisui redemption tour. i’ve made it clear in the past that, as shitty as his behavior was post-break-up, i don’t think he’s entirely responsible for the nuclear end to he and itachi’s relationship. that said, i knew it was going to take a lot to get both itachi and the reader back on board with Shisui and Itachi: The Sequel, which is why we get to see so much more of him than we did in previous chapters: rather than itachi quickly summarizing events or the narrative presenting small bits of dialogue, we actually to spend a lot more time with shisui the flesh and blood person now that he’s not the idealized or villainized version that lives in itachi’s head. and it wasn’t until he was a fully realized person again that there was any hope of him and itachi making things work, which... let’s talk about that ending.

i knew from the very beginning that i didn’t want to end this fic with shisui and itachi officially getting back together. considering all the shit they’d gone through, it didn’t seem realistic to have them suddenly live happily ever after. this was always a messy story about messy people and i didn’t want to give it an easy ending. i always wanted to end this story on the idea of a new beginning, of a better future, rather than a tidy resolution to this relationship, because it seemed so much more authentic to their journey and, to me, more meaningful. and, though i’ve had people tell me they wish i’d written a better ending, it’s a decision i still stand by 1000000000000% as the right choice. that and i’m writing a sequel oneshot as we speak so it’s not even really the ending anyways

i really could talk forever about this au. of all the fics i have, published and unpublished, it really does stand out as one that’s special and so very close to my heart, and i’ve spent so much time thinking about these washed up losers that i think i could keep returning to this ‘verse again and again for as long as i continue to write fanfic.

so, that’s it! it’s kind of hilarious i had so much to say given that i fell far below my own expectations for 2022 in terms of writing, but what can you do.

in the spirit of being a little more productive (and certainly a lot more positive), let’s set some goals for 2023:

i’m finishing the last chapter of jurassic world au even if it kills me

I AM ALSO FINISHING THE NEXT STAR TREK AU CHAPTER EVEN IF IT KILLS ME

after, like, three years of hibernation i actually dusted off my pacrim au and yep, you guessed it--i want to finish that sucker, too

finally, since i’m hoping to take two (2) fics off my plate, i’d like to finally get serious about publishing the first chapter of the shiita enemies to lovers vampires and werewolves au i’ve had in the works, which i’m very excited to share with everyone

if you made it this far, thanks so much for reading! if you’d like to find me elsewhere, i’m a lot more active on twitter, so feel free to stop by and say hello.

see you soon!

[kaatiba]

A Look Back - August in Review

Another month has flown by! As promised in my last newsletter, here's a recap of everything I've written and done since the end of July.

New for this month (and going forward), I'll also be posting these recaps to tumblr!

In August, I wrote 10,455 words throughout 22 writing sessions and wrote for 13 days out of 31. I am not surprised my stats are down by half of what I did in July, as I've spent two weeks out of commission and occupied by a knee injury that was not only painful and stressful, but also sapped me of all my creative energy.

But any writing is good writing, and I'm glad I didn't force myself to try and create, because I also needed to rest and recuperate. So what did I write this month?

First and most excitingly: I've re-published my fable, The Peacock, The Crown, and The River! I've decided I care more about getting readers now than trying to get traditionally published, a full-time and exhausting endeavour with no guarantee of success. You can read it in full, for free, on my site!

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I'm halfway through Chapter 5 of LofM! My whole crew is officially on the run, having committed treason (for an excellent if possibly fatal cause).

The last scene I wrote is one where everyone learns about how 1) Nilam and Ilyas first met my MC Halah and 2) how Nilam acquired her war leopard, Zsa Zsa! I love it; it’s a lighthearted moment and a group conversation that, I think, comes across as natural and real…which I struggle with depicting. Read the excerpt here.

I also shared another excerpt depicting a tense moment between Halah and Raoul and slipping in some added backstory regarding the background political turmoil. You can read it here.

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I introduced a new(ish) wip with a new and punny title!

In reVamped Vignettes, Laika, a werewolf, lives in an old manor house that is either sentient or haunted, along with a debonair dwarf, a recalcitrant selkie, a shy orc, and a grubby cryptid of an elf. That's a lot of personalities for one house—and then one night she stumbles on a miserable vampire named Kyle, who's just been kicked out of his nest by his sire. Laika might have a bite just as bad as her bark, but she's not so heartless as to let a vampire face sunrise with only his snapback for protection...so she invites him over. These are their (mis)adventures.

See the full wip introduction here. I'm not actively working on it, just collecting ideas and inspiration for it. Still, that could change in an instant, knowing me.

*

For Oracle wip, I wrote this silly little post that speaks to the character relationships and dynamics:

Fin: I could fix him Alyss: I could break him Ro: I could indulge his every whim because it’s hilarious Sage, if he was sane and not consumed with revenge: none of you people care about me :c

I've also decided to make Fin (aka the White Rabbit) have albinism, which means I need to do research on the condition.

*

I've been sort of idly thinking about Glitch lately. It's not ready to be written yet, but here are my most recent point-form thoughts on it.

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I've started redrafting Rivener! I'm hoping to re-publish it in 2024! Initially I was aiming for January but...that's looking unlikely. 

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Last but most definitely not least, I wrote another fix-it fanfic! In soldier keep on marching on (waiting on that morning sun), Boromir survives the attack on Amon Hen...and the world is the smallest bit brighter for it. This fic was heavily inspired by phenomenal Boromir lives AU art by author and artist Emily B. Martin, who gave me permission to write it and then very kindly reviewed it! I am so incredibly honoured and thrilled that she did!

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Well, that's a wrap on August. I hope this month was kind to you and that next month is kinder still.

[diaphragmjellyfish]

Take One

I’m so sorry I haven’t written anything in forever! It’s been a crazy year, guys. Anyways, this is a really special fic to me because it’s based on my own first time experience. I did it, and being the maniac writer that I am, went home and immediately wrote it all down in my notes app. I just reread it today for the first time in years and decided to turn it into a fic! The only difference is I met irl guy on Tinder lol not a party. Enjoy! 

“Hey, I just wanna say…” Seth started as you sat nervously on the couch in his basement, twiddling your thumbs, “If you don’t wanna do anything or you wanna leave, that’s okay. I don’t want you to feel pressured.” 

You and Seth had known each other in passing. Your friends were friends with his friends, kind of thing. But last weekend, at a party on La Push, you’d gotten to talking, and ended up sitting down the beach away from everyone else until the early hours of the morning, talking about everything and nothing. The topic of sex had come up, as it normally does between a young guy and girl, and you’d expressed (not for lack of alcohol) that you were a virgin and looking to change that. You’d felt recently that your “first time” had been looming over you. All your friends had started to have sex, and it’s not that you were peer pressured… more like curious. And you were an independent woman. The idea of waiting for someone special to give your virginity to made you cringe. What if you waited for some special guy, had sex with him, and then had some horrible breakup and only ever associated your first time with someone you hated? 

You preferred the idea of taking ownership over your own body, and you’d never been the type to want to wait for something special anyways. You wanted to try it, so why not just pick someone and do it? 

Some might call that “throwing it away,” but to you, it made it more special being the only person who had a say in your own virginity. There was no finding a guy who valued it and wanted it, or letting a boyfriend pressure you into something you weren’t ready for. The decision was yours, and as soon as you found a willing participant, you were gonna do it. That’s what you’d told Seth that night on the beach, anyways. And him being the opportunistic man he was, offered himself up on a silver platter for you. 

So here you were, the next weekend, sitting in his basement not knowing what to do with your own hands. Registering what he had said, you responded with a meek, “Thanks.” 

Seth, still standing, flipped the light switch off, engulfing the room in darkness save for the illuminated TV. “Is this okay?” he asked. You nodded in response, and watched as he walked over to the couch where you sat and plopped next to you. The Office played on the TV, and you pretended to watch. You had only ever kissed one guy before, so the whole situation made you super nervous. Seth extended an arm to reach around your shoulders as he feigned interest in the show as well. Forced laughs escaped you two here and there as you contemplated your next moves awkwardly. Eventually, Seth brought his other hand up to your chin to tilt your face toward his, and kissed you. 

You kissed back as your own hands were glued to your sides, stiff and afraid to move. 

“You seem tense,” he commented after a few seconds, as he pulled away slightly. 

“Yeah, sorry,” you huffed awkwardly, not sure exactly how to respond. You were nervous! 

“It’s okay,” he giggled, “is there anything I can do to help?” 

“I think I just need to get used to it,” you spoke, and leaned back in slightly to meet Seth’s lips once more. He poked his tongue out to brush against your lower lip, beckoning you to let him in. Your tongues danced together softly, his massaging yours into relaxation. After several minutes of this, he laid you back along the couch and crawled on top of you. Though you didn’t know him very well at all, you felt super comfortable with Seth. He was being so kind and considerate, and you knew that as soon as you said stop, he would. He slid a hand under your sweatshirt and onto the skin of your waist, and you noted how warm he was. 

“You’re really fucking cute,” he pulled away to say. You blushed as he connected your lips once more, his hand traveling up to cup your breast through your bra. He palmed you for a few minutes before speaking. 

“How far are you wanting to go?” 

You pondered his question. “I’m not really sure,” you murmured. You knew that going all the way was a possibility, but you also knew that you could stop it at any point, and that gave you comfort. 

“Do you want me to just keep going, and you can tell me when you wanna stop?” 

“Yeah, that sounds good.” 

He kissed your cheek, down your jaw, and onto your neck, before grabbing the hem of your shirt and whispering, “Can I take this off?” You nodded in response, feeling emboldened by the power Seth had given you over the situation. You weren’t sure why, but you really trusted him. You sat up and let him pull the top off of you, and then waited in anticipation as he reached around and unclasped your bra. Slipping the straps off your shoulders, he laid you down once more after removing his own shirt and began kissing down your neck, to the swell of your breasts, and then captured a nipple in his mouth, sucking slightly. You sighed at the sensations, and then grew nervous once more as he kissed down your stomach and onto your thighs. 

“Wait,” you announce. 

“What’s wrong?” he looked up, worried he’d hurt you or made you uncomfortable. 

You grabbed him by the shoulders and kneeled as you moved him to lie down where you had been on the couch. “I wanna do you first.” 

A grin broke out on his face as he pulled you down for another kiss. Now it was your turn to kiss down his body, unsure but eager to try. You’d made it to the waistband of his pants, and looked up at him expectantly. He untied his sweatpants and pulled them off, along with his underwear. You looked down at the first dick you’d ever seen in real life. It was… clean. What you thought was average in size, and pink at the tip. You grabbed him in your hand lightly, not sure of the pressure or technique you should be using, and ran your hand up and down his length. After doing this a few times, you looked up at him hesitantly, not sure what to do. 

“You can grab it a little harder,” he spoke, and sighed when you did. After a minute or so of this, a mixture of confidence and impatience inspired you to lean down and kiss the tip. He watched, eyebrows furrowed, and waited to see what you did next. You licked softly, and noted the taste. Just like skin, you thought. Nothing strange about it. At this, you brought the tip into your mouth and sucked, slowly bobbing your head. Seth placed a hand at the back of your head, but did not press down. Only guided you, or tried to. He thrusted almost imperceptibly up into your mouth, which clued you in that he wanted it faster, but you were still learning. You didn’t want to gag, so you kept at the slow pace, and Seth was more than okay with that. 

After several more minutes, Seth sat up and flipped you over so that he was once again on top of you. 

“Can we take these off?” he asked, finger sliding into the waistband of your shorts. This, you thought, was where it got serious. He would see parts of you that no one had ever seen. And he would touch you. And he might even hurt you, accidentally of course. All this to say, you hesitated a few seconds, and then said “Yes.” He was being so sweet, and doing his best to make you feel comfortable, that you decided to go for it. You wanted to try sex, and you had this amazingly caring guy willing to take care of you… a luxury these days for sure. The fact that he wasn’t pressuring you or treating you like an object was something you really took to heart as you lifted your hips for him to slide your shorts down, and your underwear with them. 

He once again kissed down your chest, onto your stomach, and down to your thighs. Kissing, suckling, and soothing with his tongue. He worked his way to the apex of your thighs, and looked up at you in one final ask for permission. Oral. This was it. The thing you’d always heard about. The “best part” as most women called it. The part you were most excited for, if you were honest. Seth licked a firm stripe up your center, and it felt like… a tongue. Strange. He licked around your center, and up to your clit, and you lay there confused. Was this it? Is this what it’s supposed to feel like? If this was the best part, you were in for a rude awakening for what followed. But, you didn’t want to embarrass Seth, so you faked a moan. 

“Oh, wow,” you feigned. 

“Good?” he asked.

“Yep.” After another minute or so of laying there, you reached down to grab Seth’s face and pull it up to yours to kiss him. Yeah, you were done with that. “What next?” you asked softly. 

“Well, we could either keep doing what we’re doing, or we can go further. It’s your choice.” 

Despite the… bump in the road you had just experienced, you were still curious about the rest of it. It’s not like you’d actually expected to finish your first time, and Seth still was the sweetest guy you’d ever met. It was worth a shot. 

“Do you have,” you started nervously, “a condom?” He nodded and stood up, finding his discarded pants and rifling through the pockets until he pulled out a silver packet. He tore it open, and neatly rolled it onto his still-hard dick, kneeling over you on the couch. He nestled between your legs, and lined himself up with your entrance. He kissed you again for a while, as if willing you to relax once more. He could tell you were nervous, and he was doing whatever he could to make you comfortable. 

“You ready?” he’d asked. 

“Yeah.” 

He pushed in slightly, and felt a pressure at your entrance, the anticipation building until “OW!” You yelped as he seemed to hit a sensitive wall within you. He pulled out, still holding himself near your entrance. 

“I’m sorry. It’ll probably hurt a little since it’s your first time.”

You looked up at him, discouraged. Instead of trying again immediately, he brought a single finger to your entrance and pushed in slowly, and then curled it against your front wall. Now this felt really good. He massaged your ridges for a few minutes, drawing pants and small sighs from you. It was a strange sort of pressure feeling, but it felt good. He never tried to go harder or put another finger in, staying where you were comfortable, and you were grateful for it. Reenergized, you flipped Seth around and straddled him, lining him up with your entrance and slowly attempting to sink down. It hurt. A lot. You stayed slow, and Seth allowed you all the time you needed. When he was a couple of inches in, he started thrusting ever-so-lightly up into you, pulling out an inch, and then pushing back in, never deeper than he had previously been. He remained shallow, and the sensations, though still painful, were laced in pleasure. You sank yourself down another inch, and let out your first real moan as he kept thrusting. 

He held your waist, keeping you in place as he watched your face for any signs that you wanted to stop. He found only scrunched brows, a flush across your cheeks, and an open mouth letting out pleas and curses as the feelings intensified. You never thought you’d be loud in bed. Always thought it was something porn stars did to garner views, and that it couldn’t be genuine. But here you were, sitting on top of this gorgeous guy, moaning loudly into the empty house. He smiled up at you, happy that you were finally enjoying yourself. 

“I wanna see you cum,” he rumbled. 

After several more minutes of this, however, the friction began to be too much. The pain was coming back. You sat up slightly, and Seth stopped, waiting for your direction. You only hopped off, knelt beside him, and began stroking him with your hand again. He reached a hand down to finger you once more, but the pain told you that you were too sore and sensitive, and Seth was told by the yelp you let out. 

“I’m sorry,” he stopped as you kept attempting to stroke him. “Are we done?” 

You looked at him guiltily, asking “Can we be?” 

“Of course.” He wasn’t mad. He was smiling as he took the condom off. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Y/N, I care more about your comfort than if I nut today,” he said, which had you laughing at his word choice. He grabbed your hand that was still reaching for his dick, and laced his fingers with yours, lying back once more and dragging you next to him. He held you close and pet your hair, kissing your face occasionally. You both lie there in silence, absorbing all that had just happened. You were no longer a virgin. You had sex. And Seth was amazing throughout the whole thing. So sweet and kind and gentle, which was more than you’d ever imagined you’d get for your first time. 

“Thanks for being so nice to me,” you spoke into the silence. 

“That isn’t something you should have to thank someone for,” he responded. He was right. It wasn’t. And yet you’d heard the horror stories. Knew there were guys out there who just didn’t care. And it made you feel lucky that you stumbled into this one’s basement. He rubbed a hand up and down your arm, caressing you. 

“So,” you started once more, “any tips for me?” 

“What?” he laughed. 

“Ya know, what I did good on, what I can do better next time, that kinda thing.” 

“Your first time isn’t something you’re expected to be good at. You’re just supposed to enjoy it. I will say, though, you give really good head.”

“Really?!” you questioned excitedly, happy for the compliment. 

“Yeah. Like, if I didn’t know that was your first time doing it, I wouldn’t have guessed.” You smiled to yourself, proud that you could at least be good at something. 

“Nice,” you replied, which wrung a laugh from Seth. Several moments passed. 

“So,” he spoke, nervously for the first time all day. “What are the chances that you’d let me take you to dinner sometime?” 

This surprised you. You’d thought this was just sex. No feelings before, during, or after. But Seth had truly taken care of you tonight. He was sweet, and funny, and had a freaking six pack for crying out loud. Dinner couldn’t be such a bad idea. 

“That sounds nice,” you responded after a few seconds. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

We looked at the time, and several hours had passed, you don’t know how. You had to run some errands for your mom, and so you told Seth you should be going. He helped you gather your clothes, and once dressed, he said, “Oh, you should probably go pee.” 

Wtf. What a weird thing to tell someone. Did you have something funky going on down there that he thought you needed to take care of? 

“Uhh… why?” you asked nervously. 

“Because it helps prevent you from getting a UTI, dork,” he responded, laughing at your ignorance to that little fact. 

You sighed, “Oh,” relieved that that was it, and that he wasn’t hinting at something worse. You quickly used the bathroom upstairs, and Seth walked you out to your car, kissing you before opening the door for you to get in. 

“So, I’ll text you about dinner?” he pressed. 

“Ok,” you responded, “That sounds good.” 

And off you drove. 

[savoies]

may i have this dance? - tyson jost.

summary: past lives. do you believe in them, well some do. people being connected in their past lives and somehow meeting again in their present lives.

or

y/n was a princess in her past life and tyson was a prince from the neighboring kingdom. now he plays for the minnesota wild and she somehow meets up with him at a party.

specified pronoun: she/her.

word count: 1.4k.

warnings: a few mentions of people being married off and mentions of alcohol.

a/n: i came up with this idea a while back and im so glad that i finally was able to form a full fic. thank you so much to caitee (@joelsfarabees), maggie (@nolpat0 ), and jem @josthours ) for helping me pick a boy for this one way back when. I wrote this back when he was still with the avs (I know pain) so if something about them is still in there my bad, I changed everything to minny last minute.

Estesinova was a small kingdom. They followed a monarchy with a king, queen, and princess. Princess Y/N was to be married off and be the next ruler after her father. So as the social season rolled around it was Estesinova’s turn to host. Host a party in which all the single prince and princess could meet potential suitors.

Now Y/N wasn’t one for the whole being married off to someone you barely knew thing but she did it to please her parents. All the men she had met so far were far not at all her type. After so many social events she had learned to not have high expectations for the men coming to these types of parties until she had met him.

She put on her stuffy outfit and even though the night was just about to start she couldn’t wait for the night to end. Walking out and making her big entrance just to be whisked away from dance to dance with potential suitors. All she wanted was to have a genuine conversation with someone instead of seeing how good someone could dance.

Soon her and the prince in front of her bowed down to each other. Exchanging names and titles recited from what their parents had told them to say earlier in the night. Seeming as they were reading off a script, the script that had been rehearsed so many times.

“Well, might I just say that you are the prettiest girl at this gala.” The young man with small curls sticking to his forehead said to her.

“You must say that to all the girls you meet at these types of events.” She smiled trying to not roll her eyes. She had heard that line way too many times to count.

“I am telling the truth. How can I prove it to you?” He asked her as he kept his hand at her waist and kept twirling her with the rhythm of the room.

She looked at the man in front of her. She could make him do some silly task or just keep dancing but she felt compelled to see what he would say.

“I can dance with my eyes closed you know.” he said as he grabbed her hand tighter and soon guided her across the ballroom. She quirked her eyebrows. Usually, all the suitors she had met either tensed up, made way too many sly remarks but never none had ever done what the man in front of her had done.

“Oh, my bad.”He said as he bumped into one of the other pairs dancing. The girl in front of him slightly giggling. “You thought that was funny,” he said as he stared at the girl in front of him with a small smile on his face. “I got you to laugh, you can’t say that about much of the potential suitors here.” He said.

She stared fondly at him. I guess she was right. Soon feeling a tap on her shoulder and turning around to face another potential suitor from another kingdom. “I guess our time had sadly ended m’lady.” The man who she did not yet want to stop dancing with said.

“I’m afraid so.” She said feeling much sadder than she should of, she did not want to stop dancing just yet. I guess she would have to try and catch up with him much later in the night. The rest of the night as she kept on dancing across the ballroom all she had on her mind was the curly-haired man she had danced with.

~~~

The Minnesota Wild were having a celebration. They had won a game earlier that day and decided to continue the celebration at Marcus and Natascia's house. Having bought drinks and carpooling to their house. Everyone drinking and chatting up. The buzz of the win filled the medium-sized suburban home. Laughter filled the living room.

Natascia had invited Y/N to her home knowing that Y/N was not a fan of big crowds but thought that maybe she could get along with number seventeen of the colorado avalanche. Natascia had been biting off Tyson’s ear about her great friend Y/N (who was single) and how she thought that they could get along well. She had also been telling Y/N that Tyson was a great guy and was exactly her type.

Now Y/N had seen Tyson at Natascia Sunday brunch but they never had a full-on conversation, just casually smiling as they sat on separate ends of the table. So now as Y/N chatted up with Natascia in one corner, eyes averting looking across the room for the tall curly-haired hockey player.

Kevin had seen his teammate stare at the girl in the kitchen. Tyson had mentioned it to Kevin and now as they stood in the corner of the living room he ushered his friend towards the kitchen saying he needed a drink. Tyson pouring himself his drink of choice and then a drink for Kevin. Natascia stopping mid-conversation and calling Tyson over.

“Tyson meet Y/N, Y/N meet Tyson. I’ll let you two get acquainted.” Natascia said as she walked off to find her husband.

“Hi nice to meet you, Natascia has told me a lot about you.” Tyson smiled at the girl in front of him.

“Hopefully all good things because Nat can exaggerate.” You smiled. “Nice to meet you too, she’s been telling me about you for quite a while.” You said thinking back to all the times she seemed to want to get you guys together.

“Want to go outside, that way we can have an actual conversation,” he said mentioning how as the night went on this seemed to be turning into a college frat boy party.

“Yeah sure.” You said as both of you walked out to the much quieter backyard. “So Nat tells me you’re quite the family guy, what’s that like?” You asked him. You weren’t the biggest converser but you felt that since he was a family guy it would be nice to hear about his family.

“Well, it’s just my mom, my sister Kacey, and I. I try to make it out every time I have days off and they’re the best family I could ask for.” He said smiling, obviously, they meant a lot to him and your heart warmed at the way his eyes lit up as he talked about them.

“Natascia told me that you moved here for a job, what was that like?” He asked. The rest of the night was spent talking about your guy’s lives before Colorado and after. You loved how he seemed to be interested in every word you said even if it wasn’t the most interesting thing ever. You liked that you guys jumped into the conversation right away and if there was an awkward pause you guys would just laugh it off.

“Sorry to ruin the party out here but it’s midnight and some of us have to sleep,” Marcus said as he looked in between you two, him probably going to report to Natascia later once both of you left.

“Oh sorry, bro.” Tyson said gathering his stuff. “Do you need a ride home?” He asked as he looked up at you.

“Oh uhm yeah if it’s on your way.” You told him not wanting to impose. Let just say that it was not at all on his way but he did not want the night to end.

As everyone headed out Natascia and Marcus saying their goodbyes she smiled at you and as soon as you got into Tyson’s car your phone blew up with messages from her to tell her everything once you got home. You exchanged numbers and said your goodbyes.

“Thank you for the ride,” You said getting out in front of your apartment building.

“No problem, hope we can hang out soon.” He said smiling back at you. Both of you ending the night with huge smiles on your face. You soon texted Natascia on how you had a great time with him and how it seemed as though you had known him forever, based on how the conversation just flowed between you two. You were glad she introduced you because it seemed as though you had not met him five hours prior and had known him forever.

.☆☆☆.

taglist: ​( send in ask if you want to be added) ​@hartsyhart @nhlpetey @mitch-slap @frostythegoalman @marohares  @aria253264  @josty @kaitieskidmore1 @alxvlasic @hockeyallthetime @all-hail-cale @martynecass @joshsandersons  @jessebisonking @maattamatthews @joelsfarabees @boqvistsbabe @ana-maa @stars-canucks @bordeleau @ilyasorokinn @2manytabsopen @wildflowermarns @rutgersmcgroarty @shanerwright @kindaahockeyblog @b-brz @bbrissonn @kniesys @calermakar08

[tiannasfanfic]

Catharsis: Chapter 1

Adrian Chase/Vigilante x Reader

Word Count: 2,481

Description: Based on true events, a reader insert story. An abusive relationship has finally ended for reader, but the ex soon turns into a stalker. While you're trying to deal with it on your own, your coworkers can tell something is up.

Author Note: We’re all still sick with this blasted cold, so my longer fics are on hold for a bit longer until I can think straight again. However, two days ago while I was feverish and high, I wrote the start of a shorter fic. I’m thinking it’ll only be a few chapters. Though, of all the autobiographical stuff I could’ve written about, I don’t know why it was this period suddenly screamed out at me for a story. It felt good getting it out though.

CW: All chapters will possibly touch on some of the mental and emotion abuse reader went through, plus deal with the type of PTSD leftover. Please read at your own discretion.

Chapter 1: (Crossposted to AO3)

The breakup had been a bad one. To be fair, the whole relationship had been a bad one, but you were still in the process of seeing that. Bits and pieces had filtered through your rose-colored glasses over the four years you were with your ex. But that last six months though really brought a lot out into the light.

While it never got physical, that didn’t matter. Emotional and mental abuse was just as bad. Unseen scars were still scars.

You started working for the group out of Henenlotter Video about a year ago. You hadn’t wanted to get a new job, liking the call center position you had, but at that point, your ex wasn’t working and spent all the money you made on useless stuff, not bills. You had been going into debt fast, so a higher paying job at that point was the only option until you could figure something. You were still thinking then that he was just having bad luck finding work, not that he just wasn’t looking, which was the reality of the situation. So, you got yourself a new, better paying job as a data analyst.

Only to find out data analyzing was only a small part of the job. You still didn’t really know why you had gotten hired for this. The whole thing was out of your depth. While you were pretty good at data entry, you weren’t even doing that most of the time. That was fine with you, it was all very exciting and interesting, and you felt like you were living in a sci-fi action movie some days. Since your ex never showed the slightest interest in your day, he never got to hear about all the cool stuff you got to do or about how much you liked your coworkers. You even came home with a black eye, and all scratched up once and he didn’t even bat an eye.

Your coworkers didn’t know you before your ex, so they had no idea what kind of person you were before he got his hooks in you. You had changed, though you didn’t really know how much yet. Those last six months though, they could tell something was wrong. You were quieter, a bit stand-off ish and very distracted. The two who really noticed was Emilia Harcourt and Leota Adebayo. While John Economos, Chris Smith and Adrian Chase did to varying degrees, they just passed it off as stress, your period, or whatever else they could think of that might have you cranky. But Emilia and Leota had a weird feeling about it all. They noticed your demeanor had changed with the guys, not with them. You stopped getting into playful arguments with Chris. You didn’t get up from your desk a dozen times a day to show silly memes to John anymore. Adrian’s bizarre comments which usually made you laugh (and only you most of the time) barely got a smile. And Harcourt definitely noticed how you tensed up anytime one of them would raise their voice and how you would force yourself to relax afterwards.

Then came the breakup. With as little interest as your ex showed in you or anything you did, breaking up should have been a cinch, right? Obviously, he doesn’t care about you to care about staying with you, right?

Wrong, as it turns out. So very wrong.

You discovered personally how when you start taking control back from an abuser, they completely lose their shit.

Your ex moved out one Saturday, and you told your coworkers that much, at least. But not that your ex always was lurking somewhere after that. Outside your townhouse, circling the parking lot of the complex; driving past your work; everywhere. He refused to give you his key until he got his stuff out but was also refusing to set a time to come do it, wanting the leeway to still come and go as he pleased. About two weeks later, you woke up one night to find him standing in your bedroom, staring at you. You pretended to still be asleep, frozen in place. He walked out after a minute or two, then you heard him leave a few minutes later. It took you an hour before you could get out of bed. When you did, you went downstairs, pushed your recliner in front of the door, then curled up on the couch and sobbed for the rest of the night.

For the next week, you called out of work. You didn’t want to, but every time you walked out of your apartment, you would immediately get sick to your stomach and get hit with waves of panic attacks. You blamed it on a nasty case of food poisoning when you talked to Harcourt every morning, but it wasn’t that at all.

Agoraphobia was an anxiety disorder that ran in your family. While you had dealt with it a few times in your life already, it had never been this bad. Never to the point you couldn’t leave your house at all. But having a stalker with free access to your house will do that to you. Since his name was still on the lease, you didn’t think you could change the locks. You really didn’t know what you could or couldn’t do at this point, or even what you should do. Your brain still hadn’t fully wrapped around the fact you were the victim in this and were still actively being abused. Hell, you were already hearing from friends how your ex was already going around saying HE was being abused by YOU. That was a kick in the balls, to put it mildly. You ended up sleeping on the couch every night with your recliner in front of the door. Sleeping consisted of one hour cat naps, if you were lucky. You woke up with every little sound from outside. Hearing a car door would instantly set you off into another panic attack.

That Friday, sometime around 11am, you were trying to get a nap on the couch. You had just started dosing when not one, but two car doors shutting right outside your home instantly jarred you awake. The panic attack started rising up but considering Chris and Adrian couldn’t go anywhere without being noisy as all hell, you quickly figured out who was outside. They were having a rousing debate about the flavors of Gatorade, even going as far as to stop right outside your door and argue for a few minutes about what flavors the two of them would be if they were Gatorade instead of people before they finally knocked. That was fine, it gave you time to calm down and center yourself as best you could. Which ended up being a lot, you realized with surprise, considering how much of a mess you had been lately. But, then again, you’d never had any reason to feel unsafe around these two.

Well.

Let’s rephrase that one, shall we?

You’ve been in plenty of unsafe situations with the two of them. A lot of the time, the situation was unsafe because of one of them, if not both. But they never, ever directly made you feel unsafe. Since you were still the newbie and had the least experience among the group, they were always the first to check on you after things went sideways. Technically, it was always Adrian checking on you first, but Chris always made it clear he was happy you weren’t dead yet. Even Chris’ bullying never got to you, you usually found it amusing. He was trying to be better about it, though he did occasionally let some zingers slip. At the end of the day though, the small zingers were nothing compared to what you had been living with every day until recently.

“Hey, Harcourt called and yelled at us,” Chris explained as soon as you opened the door. “Said if we were going to be late, we might as well come by here to make sure you’re staying hydrated. And she’s right, you don’t want to get dehydrated, dude.”

You looked down and realized they were both holding four grocery bags each, plus a couple of six packs of Sprite.

“Oh, thank you,” you said, speechless, moving aside to let them in.

They headed for your kitchen.

The both of them had been inside your apartment before when you needed rides to work. All of your coworkers had. You ex also had a habit of running off with your car without warning, so this had been a frequent occurrence over the last year, and especially the last six months.

This was how Adrian immediately noticed your recliner was not where it was supposed to be as soon as he stepped inside. It was normally closer to the couch, sitting at angle facing towards your tv. The few times he’d been in your place before, it was always right there. That’s where he expected to see it. Now it was directly next to the front door, positioned where you couldn’t even see the tv from it. So that was definitely odd. But even odder was the indentations in the carpet in front of the door. You hadn’t bothered to try leaving your house since Wednesday morning, so you hadn’t moved it until Chris and Adrian got there. Two days was plenty of time for the weight of it to settle into the carpet. After that, his gaze swept the living room and kitchen on his way through. It was a bit messier than normal, with some trash that needed picking up and dishes that needed doing. While you definitely weren’t a neat freak, you had your own mode of controlled chaos that made sense to you. This was going a little bit beyond that.

“Did you need some help around the house?” Adrian asked, setting the bags on the kitchen table.

“That’s okay, I’ll get it in a day or two,” you said. “I just haven’t had the energy to clean this week with my stomach being goofy. But thanks!”

Adrian nodded, noting this was more than a week’s worth of mess, but elected not to say anything. He pointed at your overflowing trash can. “I’m at least taking that out though.”

A surge of relief washed over you. Even the idea of taking the trash out to the dumpster made you sick to your stomach.

“Sounds good!” you said, laughing tiredly.

While Adrian collected the trash bag and took it out, Chris began unloading the bags they brought.

“We got you water, Gatorade and Sprite,” he said. “Go easy on the Spite. Even though it’s caffeine free, the sugar isn’t good for you with you being sick, but it might help settle your stomach while you’re eating.”

There was now a rainbow assortment of bottles on your kitchen table. Most of what they brought was Gatorade. Over a dozen bottles of it, at least.

“That’s a lot of Gatorade,” you said. “I think you stocked me up for the next year.”

“We didn’t know what flavor you liked,” Adrian said as he came back in from the trash run. “So, we got you one of each.”

“No,” Chris said, holding up a finger. “No, no. YOU insisted on getting one of each. I was going to get her four bottles of fruit punch and call it a day.”

“But we don’t know if she likes fruit punch!” Adrian protested.

“Dude, everyone likes fruit punch!”

“Actually,” you interjected. “I can’t stand fruit punch.”

“And that makes you a weirdo,” Chris said, and took the bottle of fruit punch they brought off the table. “More for me.”

You couldn’t help but laugh a little. It was the first time you had laughed in about three weeks. Since all this started, really. But they always had that effect on you. Every single one of your coworkers had that effect on you, which is partially why you loved working with everyone so much. There was just something about these two especially. Neither one of them showed they cared in conventional ways, but then again, neither did you. And neither of them would never, ever admit to caring unless it slipped out. But you could tell. Even Harcourt couldn’t have made Chris come over if he didn’t want to, so the act itself gave it away. And, most importantly, they made you feel safe.

They didn’t stay for long since they were in hot water with Harcourt already. As they were leaving, Adrian saw the chair again. A feeling rose in his gut, and he stopped. He turned back to you.

“You still have my number, right?”

You nodded.

“If you ever need anything, call me and I’ll be right over,” he said, looking you in the eye with no trace of his normal humor in his voice. “No matter what it is, or what time it is, if you ever need me, I’ll be here as soon as you call.”

You didn’t know what to say. Despite the fact Adrian was an extremely lethal killer, he had a pair of green puppy dog eyes that just seemed to bore into your soul and lay it bare. You never realized until now that those eyes of his made it almost impossible to lie to him. Of course, it would be now that you were desperately trying to keep something from him that you would realize this.

You started to open your mouth, a flood of words on your tongue, but unsure what you were about to say. Maybe he could help somehow. Maybe if you asked, he’d -

“Dude, stop being creepy,” Chris said as he stepped back into your apartment.

“I’m not, I -“

“She hasn’t even been single a month yet, “Chris grabbed Adrian by the arm and started dragging him to the car. “Give her space. I haven’t even tried to hit that yet.”

“I wasn’t hitt- wait, singl-“

“And if I can wait, so can you!”

They were back to the car when Chris suddenly remembered you could still hear them. He turned back towards your front door where he saw you standing a step outside the door into the small entryway, watching them with raised eyebrows.

“Sorry, Y/N, but it’s true!” Chris called to you with a wave. He shoved Adrian towards the passenger side of the car and opened the driver’s side. “Don’t worry, you still got a few more weeks safe though. See you Monday!”

You chuckled, stepping back inside quickly before they left. It didn’t bug you being outside while they were here, but you didn’t want to push it.

Before shutting the door, you heard Adrian exclaim in a tone of dismay and shock, “What do you mean Y/N is single now???”

[livlepretre]

The Stars Were Brightly Shining - 1, 7 and 9.

I know FE is probably your best fic, but TSWBS is my personal favourite and I honestly can’t stop re-reading it. ❤️

I'm so embarrassed that this took me like a week to answer but that's parenthood for you, I'm a chaos mom

also, thank you thank you for saying that, it means so much to me that you love this fic and have read it multiple times!!!!

1. What inspired you to write the fic this way?

For a long time, it was my habit in December to give myself a break from FE, which is kind of a high pressure situation for me, and take on a short Christmas project as a way to have some fun writing, update frequently (therefore increasing frequency of reviews/dopamine hits), and just to do something really low pressure. So, the idea with SWBS (and Love Bites) was basically to just sit down, write, and publish the first draft of each short chapter as is and not sweat too much over revising or being compulsive about the plot and narrative. I remember starting like five or six different fics/premises out before I hit on this one-- the tone and the mood of it started off as very dark and brooding, which was unfortunately addictive to write, oops. I also remember thinking about writing a "Christmas fic" the way that The Quick and The Dead is a Halloween fic, and mulling over what that might mean-- and so I was thinking, well, what does Christmas boil down to? And I almost immediately thought, virgin birth, and of course, the idea of Klaus getting Elena pregnant but everyone assuming it was magical/there was no father flashed across my mind and made me laugh out loud, so I knew I had to write it. Because also we must write the stories we wish to see in the world.

7. Where did the title come from?

It's a riff on my favorite hymn, O Holy Night

"a thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices"-- that theme of hope in weary the darkness really gets me

I unintentionally changed the tense; which I actually rather like with the (parentheses) because it almost makes the title sound like an aside, or something said quietly, under the breath, when I say it in my head

9. Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Not really-- I wrote a lot of this without knowing where it was going except for some very general things until near the end of the fic when I sat down and outlined so that the salient plot points could come together

[unhealthyfanobsession]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

Ok I am actually going to do these in order and give a little explanation as an extra challenge. I think it's interesting what my faves are vs which are most popular. If anyone has read more than one of these and remembers reading it, I'd love to know what you think or thought.

5: Renegade Nights

This was my first long-form Nessian piece and what I love about it is the ideas. It was all written pre-acosf and during the pandemic. I needed something to do and it was the first time I had gotten back into writing in a LONG time. I don't write like this anymore. I don't love the style and I think it's a little in your face/tell don't show, but I still love it and I stand by the ideas in it. (RIP to when I thought I was Suzanne Colins out here writing in present tense with no reason to be. Yikes.)

4: Shadows of Death

This is a chapter in my one-shot series that I LOVE. I always struggle to write Azriel and whenever people ask for him I don't know what to do, but this one just... came to me. His voice was so clear and I wrote it all in one sitting on my notes app. I love the Nezriel brotp and the connection of the darkest parts of 2 pretty dark characters.

3: Going for Gold

People LOVED this when it came out. It started as an evening project while I watched the Olympics this summer, but the characters just took over. It was my first foray into an ensemble cast and a way to challenge myself to write better action scenes. Overall, it was quick and there are things I would change, but it has a place in my heart.

1: Nightmare Dressed Like a Day Dream

This one-shot just has a place in my soul. It was my cathartic, pissed off, I will not accept this narrative post ACOSF pop off and I think it is some of my best writing. I've re-read it so many times. It is my comfort fic for myself.

1: The Best Laid Plans

This story, to me, represented a shift in my writing style. Both in fics and my original stuff. I consciously focused more on visual and active descriptions rather than throwing everything into the dialogue and I think it showed. I remember being very proud of every chapter of this when it was coming out. I spent time. I focused. I edited. And I think it helped a lot of those things become more natural. This is the story I credit with how I now slam out all those prompts directly into the answer box of a tumblr ask while I walk home from work. This story was the first time I felt like I was writing something and proud of it rather than just sending a silly little fic into the wind. It is my most commented on and most liked fic, and it was the first time I felt like people were responding to something I wrote because it was well written rather than because I was just giving them overdramatic scenes that they wanted. I think the characters are represented in a realistic and fair way that was not as bias as my earlier stuff, and that made for more dynamic relationships. I know it seems like I'm really self-congratualing here, but I tried hard with this one and I am proud of it.

Honourable mention: Assentio Mentium

I think some people might be surprised this didn't make the cut. The truth is, this story is so personal and I use it as venting sometimes. I have a love-hate relationship with it, but it has to be mentioned because of how people respond to it. This story has the most thoughtful comments of anything I've written and it makes me feel so good because it is a lot of my real experiences and opinions so I love the response and the dialogues. (also I'm more than halfway through the next chapter, it isn't abandoned I just struggle to get inspo on this one sometimes)