#miguel youre hot but i also wanna beat you up so bad

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Meet Strange: What's the most memorable way your OC has ever met a new person? Was it a good experience? Bad experience? Just plain weird? How's their relationship with that person now?

Past: Does your OC have any past partners? How did the relationship(s) end? Are any of their exes still in their life, and if so, do they get along?

I’m curious if Diane had partners pre-hobie

Yay I love these!!! Especially the first one AAAAAHHHH

Also I'm sorry this is seriously so long don't feel forced to read it all if you dont wanna i just like having it typed out also a lot of reaction images

Meet Strange:

Hobie & Diane's First Meeting

Meet Strange: What's the most memorable way your OC has ever met a new person? Was it a good experience? Bad experience? Just plain weird? How's their relationship with that person now?

Hobie and Diane's first meeting would most likely be described as 'mortifying'. (In her eyes) Because of their proximity in era, Hobie was actually the one sent to recruit her. The usual protocol is simple - follow them home from patrol and give them the whole 'joining pitch' - very boring. Hobie hates doing it. But he follows Diane and instead of going home after patrol - she goes to the club. Like - was just beating a purse-snatcher's ass in an alleyway to changing in the discotheque bathroom. Hobie is like '?? okay. i suppose. WEIRD choice but okay' and he hadn't planned on trying to approach her in a CLUB but sure They come across each other in the club, and by the time he's spotted her in the crowd and they're face to face, she's drunk. She's plastered and she wants to dance and she cannot hear him or understand his accent for the life of her but she's vibing tho. Has no idea what's happening or who he is but all she knows is a hot guy is standing in front of her and he's handsome and tall and british and she needs no more information He has to buy her a drink just to get her to sit still and then when he even tries to explain she's like

Thinking 'this man is fine as hell but he be talking a lot'. Cuts him off mid-sentence just to be like "yeah, yeah i can dig it -btw how tall are you? You like 6'5? Anyone ever told you you're pretty?" cause WHY ELSE would he be approaching her in the club?? She spends the whole time flirting and Hobie is like 'luv, ur adorable but imma need u to focus.' Finally he gets her outside and she's thinking she's gonna score. But instead to finally get her to understand he uses his webslinger in front of her but instead of mystified realization Diane is like

She's immediately sober and screaming like 'How did you do that?! That's impossible!'

And Hobie is like "How's it impossible??? You can do that-" And Diane goes "How'd you know I can do that?! That's impossible!"

Good. Now she's drunk and freaked out. At that point Hobie is ready to give up and he's just like 'you know what we need to get you home'. Meanwhile Diane is dazed, drunk and confused cause since when are there British Spiderpeople????

Eventually he does get her home and she passes out asleep. Wakes up the next morning - starts screaming again cause she thought she was on psychedelics and dreamt him or something.

After everything he finally gives her the pitch and heads back to HQ - heads to Miguel - and she's mortified the whole time.

Can't look him in the eyes, deathly embarrassed that she spent last night hanging off of him and saying x-rated shit to her new coworker.

Miguel is already pissed cause he's like 'what took u two so long'

and Hobie, thinking this is all hilarious just goes "We slept together."

Meanwhile Diane's about to die of embarrassment in front of her NEW BOSS

and she's like "YA'LL He means in the same apartment. I don't know why he said it like that- We slept in tHE SAME APARTMENT-"

thus starts a cycle of his tourment. He don't even call her 'luv' he call her 'Daiquiri' or '4 Daiquiri Diane' because that's what he had to buy her to get her to sit still. She can't live it down.

"Oi, there you are, Daiquiri Darlin'."

__________________________________________

Past: Does your OC have any past partners? How did the relationship(s) end? Are any of their exes still in their life, and if so, do they get along?

Yay I love this one. Yes! Diane has been through (kinda speed-ran) all of her 'canon' romances, except one. Hobie kinda has a Scott Pilgrim situation on his hands (yeah right) because a lot of them still hang around her

Betty Brant - a.k.a Brian Bett - A high-school sweetheart she dated for a couple-years. Currently goes to ESU, journalist student, plays it straight and dislikes Diane's "black extremism". She thinks he's a chump

Gwen Stacy - a.k.a Glenn Stacy - a guy she met shortly after joining the society (back when her and Hobie didn't know each other fairly well). They dated for about 8 months and were thinking about engagement. Hobie tried to disrupt Diane's canon event but was unfortunately too late to save him. He helped her with that trauma a lot

Mary-Jane Watson - Martin-Jean Watson - THIS GUY. A couple months after Glenn's death, Diane finds out through Margo that her Mary-Jane canon event is coming up. She's over the moon! Tells Hobie how excited he is, gets all dolled up And she runs into him and it's just..NOT IT. He's punk like Hobie, and a Guitarist, like Hobie. His humor is the same as Hobie's - a vest like his too. Except he's an arrogant manchild. He's like Hobie - but he's what she would've been into if she hadn't met Hobie. And it's like just knowing Hobie has dirupted her canon event. Because she's just not into this guy. And if she didn't know Hobie. She would've been. She tries to dates Martin for a couple of weeks before he does something and Hobie is like '...damn he's doing you wrong you should throw him out.' and she does. Funny thing is Martin KNOWS about Hobie and has met him at Diane's shows. And they would get along AMAZING, but Martin hates his guts and Hobie thinks it's funny as hell - so he instigates. After Diane and Martin break up her and Hobie start getting more serious and exclusive and since Martin is her guitarist back on her Earth he just has to deal, which Hobie can't get enough of.

thank you so much for this and if you read this far please let me know id love it if anyone read this far cause this is a LOT okay thanks byeeee

[splatterofdepression]

Naughty kind of fun~ (Miguel O'hara x reader)

（｡･ω･｡)つ━☆・*°。+ *🎀

warning: +18 (so if ur not, get outa here, buddy), thigh fucking, penetrative, blowjob, cumming in the mouth, finger fucking, etc... 🤨🤨😔

(I wrote it, haha but credits to jaex0x0smikle anyways.) also to note: wrote this a while ago, used some posts on tumblr for inspiration (paraphrased for the vibrator and thigh parts!)... pls comment if u can find who's it is cause i wanna give them full credits :(

btw i was like half dead because i wanted to die from the amount of hw i had and needed a writing break :(

🚶

HAVE FUN Y'ALL

dunno how to write the captions, my bad :(

type a comment if you want some more 😉

[Dom Miguel, Sub (ish) reader]  

（｡･ω･｡)つ━☆・*°。+ *🎀

"Hey, baby..." Miguel leaned against the door frame, his eyes sliding over your new dress. He licked his lips and smiled. "You certainly look delicious..."

"Not so bad yourself..." You say, trying to not squirm under Miguel's unwavering gaze. You look at his handsome face, the chiseled features and broad shoulders made him look strong. Matched with the black and white suit he was wearing, Miguel was handsome. Extremely so. You coughed and looked away, trying to not seem like you were ready to pounce on him. You could already feel the heat rushing to my face. "You look... very handsome tonight..."

"Hmm... but have you tried yourself in a mirror lately, sweetheart?" Miguel smirked, his eyes sparkling with mischief. He moved closer, placing his hand on the small of your back. "I'm dying to see what's underneath, babe..."

"Come on, we don't have time for this. Pavitr's party is going to start at 8:00!" You push him away playfully, but he huffs impatiently. 

"We still have more than two hours- that's plenty of time." 

"We both know that if we start now, we'll end up spending the entire night instead of just two hours." You quickly clapped a hand over your mouth. You blush, embarrassed. 

"Oh really~?" His husky voice made me shiver, his hot breath blowing against your ear. The way Miguel towered over you was scary- but also thrilling.

"Y-yeah." You avoided his eyes, but he lifted your chin up to his face. Miguel's gaze bore into you as his jaw tightened. 

"Please? I'm begging you..." He stepped forward, pushing you against the wall with one arm. He leaned forward, planting a kiss on your neck. His body pushed against you, his body heat slowly rising as he stared hungrily. You could feel your breath quicken too, eager to keep on going, but you couldn't just ditch Pavitr's without a notice.

"Fine. I'll send a message to Pavitr." You start to head for your phone, but Miguel stops you.

"What do you think you're doing when the fun already started?" Miguel's eyes were piercing, trapping you in place. He shoved a hand against the wall and bent down to be eye level with you. Suddenly, his voice becomes gentle, "Do you want me to keep going? I'll stop if you don't... there's no rush."

"a-ah... no. You can um- continue..." Your heart beat so fast it felt like it was going to leap out of your chest. It was only the third time you guys ever had intimacy, and it still felt so alien to you. Without knowing what to do, you say, "Let's have some fun."

"Oh really?" Miguel asked, licking his lips as he looked at you with a mischievous grin. "And what kind of fun did you have in mind, sweetheart?..." Miguel moved a piece of hair behind your ear, lightly tracing a trail down to your shoulder.

"A naughty kind of fun..." You smirked at him. This side of you never showed except for moments like these. 

"Oh?" Miguel purred, his eyes glittering. "How naughty?..." He leaned down to gently nibble and tug at your ear, his lips brushing against your neck. "Do you want me to make a good girl out of you, sweetheart?"

You shiver at the closeness of Miguel. "Yes, please~"

"Mhm..." Miguel pressed himself against you, his voice husky as he spoke. "Are you a naughty girl, baby?" Miguel's teeth flashed, his body trembling with desire. He reached out and ran his hand along your waist.

You move closer to him, "Only for you~" As his hand trailed along your curves, you decided to be more bold. "I'll keep you up all night long..." your whisper shocked Miguel, but in a good way.

"Oooh~" Miguel purred, his voice going lower. "How long will you even be able to keep me up, sweetheart?..." He chuckled. "Hmm... maybe you want me to... push... your... buttons?..." Miguel paused to let his words sink in. He leaned forward, nibbling gently on your ear.

You whine softly, burying your head into Miguel's chest. "Yes please... daddy~" Instantly, you regret saying that. He was going to tease you to death after tonight.

"Hmm?..." Miguel chuckled, his eyes sparkling. "Oh did you say something, sweetheart?..." A small smirk danced on his lips, a hand traveling across your thigh. "You're such a tease~"

He brought his hand down from the wall, gently grabbing your hips and tossing you onto the couch. "Hmm... I'll teach you a lesson..." Miguel crawled over and pinned you down to the sofa, looking at you with a small smirk. You start to undress, lifting up your skirt slowly. 

Miguel's eyes widened as he glanced at your legs. His tongue ran across his bottom lip, a hand moving to caress your thigh. His voice sounded husky, his gaze traveling up your leg.

"I wore your favourite lingerie- just in case this would happen..."

"Oh really~?" Miguel purred, his eyes glistening. He leaned forward to nibble along your shoulder, his fingers digging into the soft skin. "Hmm, I don't believe you, babe... I'm gonna have to take a look for myself, sweetheart..." 

"Go ahead~" You say, before he suddenly yanks off your underskirt. You squeak, surprised. Instinctively, you squeeze your legs together, face flushed red from the unexpectedness. Miguel chuckled, moving his leg between your thighs. 

"Are you ready, sweetheart?" He said, his voice low and husky as he looked down at you.

You gasped softly, wrapping your legs around his waist. "Yes~"

Miguel smiled, his eyes glimmering with desire as he looked down at you. His arms surrounded your waist, holding you firmly in place. One of his hands moved to caress your hair, while the other went down to untie your lace dress. "You just have to let go... let me take charge, baby..." His gaze looked hungry, his eyes staring at you as if you were a feast. His eyes wandered over your body. 

Miguel's arms supported your weight as you straddled him. His hands traced the curves of your hips and thighs, teasing you. Miguel purred, his lips traveling over your neck. His teeth lightly scraped against your skin as he ran his tongue along your neck. "I need you to tell me what you want, baby..." He paused, nipping gently at your throat. His breath went against you, his lips grazing your ear. "Tell me... what... do you want?"

----

YOU CAN STOP HERE! EXIT THIS CHAPTER NOW IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY MORE SMUT

No?

Ok. 

You've been warned 😨

----

"I guess I need to loosen you up first..." Miguel opens one of the cabinets next to the TV, taking out a pink vibrator and lube. You could already feel you were wet enough to not use lube, but Miguel always stood by the phrase, "The wetter, the better." 

He placed the vibrator between your legs, rubbing it against your thigh. "Spread your legs." Miguel says, and you immediately sit up a little more, leaning against the cushion and widening your legs. He rubbed your clit softly, blowing against it. You squirm, letting out a small moan. The lube was cold as Miguel massaged it into you. His fingers were long, pressing against all the sensitive areas he knew you loved. He slowly drew his fingers in and out of your pussy, quickening the pace. Starting with 2 fingers, then adding another. 

"A-ah~ Miguel~" You panted, grasping at Miguel's arm. You could see his ears go red, and the bulge in his pants get even bigger. 

"Ready?" Miguel tapped the tip of the wand against your clit, and your hips squirm a bit, a squeak leaving your mouth. As Miguel pushes the vibrator in, he turns up the intensity of vibration- making you jerk your head back. Every moan that escaped your mouth made Miguel's bulge grow larger and harder. 

"You should see yourself right now..." he was panting quietly, eyes looking eager to thrust into you. "I'm not sure how much longer I can wait."

He took fun in seeing how long you could last before coming, raising the intensity of the vibrator, eating up the expressions you made. Your core tightened around the vibrator, and an electric shock passed through your body. 

"a-Augnh~ M-miguel! stop~ I-I just-" You couldn't finish your sentence, though, because Miguel was raising the vibrations even higher. You had just came, the sticky juice slowly seeping out of your hole, coating the vibrator. When you realised you were close AGAIN (omg how), you let out a raw moan, "m-more! a-aAh~ faster!" Miguel responded by taking out the vibrator, and switching it off. 

When you finally came back to your senses, you pouted, "Why did you stop? I was about to-" Miguel flipped you over so that you were on your knees, and he unbuckled his belt. His massive dick came into view, and you weren't sure if you could handle it. "Wha-?"

"You can't be the only one having fun, sweetheart." He stroked your hair, leading your face towards his shaft. "Suck it." His voice was so commanding, so you started to lick the tip of his dick, pleasuring in the groans Miguel let out. You swirled your tongue on the head, massaging his balls with your fingers. You looked up at him as he tilted his head backwards, breaths becoming laboured. His pre-cum dripped from the sides of your mouth, tasting slightly salty.

"Your dick is delicious... I'll make sure to savour it~" You say, stroking Miguel's dick with your hand. It didn't even fit in one hand, so you used both, squeezing as you brought your hands up and down his shaft. You placed your tongue on his cock, getting ready to deep throat it. "You're such a-" You bring your mouth down onto Miguel's dick, feeling it hit the back of your throat. Thank god you don't have a gag reflex- cause if you did, you'd be throwing up because of his size. Miguel whipped his head back, letting out a load and high pitched moan. (Not as high as yours, of course...) His eyes widened, and yours did too. You guys looked at each other, both shocked. "I-I didn't mean to-" 

You take Miguel's cock out of your mouth, and smile. "It's okay- I think it was kind of cute." You continued to blow him, loving the whimpers, moans, and sounds that came from him. 

"I th-think I'm close~" Miguel whispered, his hands grabbing at your hair. He brought your head down even further, making your eyes water. But you kept going, bobbing up and down faster and faster until he shoved your face almost all the way to his balls. He groaned loudly, and you could feel him release his white cum inside of your throat. He kept you in that position for a few more seconds, until he let you go, exhausted. 

"Don't tell me you're already done~?" You laugh, placing your hips so he could see your pussy drip. 

"h-hugh... N-no..." Miguel's chest had a faint sheen from the sweat. "I can keep going..."

Miguel looked at your pussy, and he can't control himself anymore. You feel his rough hands grip your hips, harshly pushing him back into you. The plumpness of your ass hits the girthy shaft of his cock, but before you can look for the lost balance with your hands in front of you, he thrusts his erection up against you cunt. You can feel it begin to become rock solid again. 

"Ay, mi amor-" His voice is rugged and laboured, laced with a deep groan. His broad palm hits your butt-cheek, making you gasp. "Te necesito así de mal ahora mismo." (I need you so badly right now.) Miguel slammed inside you, thrusting at a quick pace.

"So tight..." Miguel grunted, his jaw gritted. "...it feels so good..."

You arch your back, the noises coming out of your mouth were low-key embarrassing. It was too big for you to handle, his shaft stretching your pussy so wide as it slammed in and out. The "plap" sounds from him slapping against your pussy was loud in your ears. The vibrator was big, but Miguel's dick was huge compared to it. 

"S-slower... please~" You mewl, eyes watering from the overstimulation. "I-I can't..."

Miguel started thrusting gently, but it still felt like you were being eaten up from the inside. You clench around him, noticing him shudder inside you as you tighten up.

"Tell P-pavitr that w-we aren't coming t-to the party~ a-Ah~" I signal for Miguel to give me my phone so I can text him a message. 

Miguel picks up the phone, ringing Pavitr's phone. 

"What are you doing?!" You hiss, WHY WAS MIGUEL CALLING PAVITR? WHEN YOU'RE HAVING SEX? "Miguel Ohara! S-stop!" 

But Miguel doesn't stop the call with Pavitr, only quickening his hips. Your eyes roll back, arching your back so he could hit your gspot.

"Huh? y/n? Why're you calling?" You could hear Pavitr's voice loud and clear through the speaker. "Miguel? Is that you?"

"Yes. y/n and I can't come to the party tonight..." Miguel clamped a hand over your mouth to prevent you from moaning so loudly. "She'll tell you why."

Your head was spinning from the pleasure, and you couldn't think of a decent excuse. Should you say that you family has an emergency? Or maybe that you got sick? In any case, you know Pavitr is too smart than to believe it. Miguel lowered the phone next to your mouth as he kept on thrusting.

"U-um, we f-forgot that o-our... uaHGh~!" A moan had accidentally escaped from your lips. You cleared your throat. "S-sorry, I-I mmHMm~ I hurt my foot..." 

You turn red from the stupid lie. "H-hope we c-can see y-you soon... nnNGh~!"

"Woah. I know what you're doing, and it doesn't sound like you hurt your foot." Pavitr chuckled, "I understand. Have fun, Miguel. Tell me about it tomorrow."

BEEP. Pavitr had ended the call.

"Miguel! Why did you embarrass me like that!" You bury your face into the coach's cushions, hearing Miguel's deep laugh. 

"Why, you said you wanted to have 'fun', sweetheart." Miguel grinned, slicking his hair back to get a better view of your ass. He took off the condom he had on, tapping his raw cock against your clit. "This is what you asked for~" 

Smiling mischievously, e delivers a rough spank to your plump ass before pushing two fingers over the lips of your pussy, running them over your slit.

"You can't do it raw... I'm not on birth control." You warned, and Miguel's eyes twinkled.

"Let me fuck your thighs then." It took you by surprise, because you thought he would suggest anal or something. 

With caution, he pushed his dick between your thighs while navigating his way to feel your wet folds and making sure he pressed the tip against your clit. Miguel began thrusting himself, keeping a steady rhythm— pre-cum smearing between your legs with each thrust. 

not doneee :)

[weirdo09]

ok so i just got back from seeing atsv and just oh my fucking god.

like first of all THE ENDING?! LIKE HOW OUT OF ALL THE (honestly small amount of stuff) SPOILED FOR ME HOW DID NO ONE TELL ME THERE WAS GONNA BE A TBC AT THE END?! I CANT WAIT HOWEVER MANY YEARS ITLL BE TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT LIKE-

and like half the stuff in this film felt like a maaaaassssssiiivvveeeee metaphor for coming out like the “promise u won’t love me any less” (or whatever see said i’m bad at remembering exact quotes) and the fact that during Gwen’s speech to her dad EVERYTHING TURNED FUCKING PINK BLUE AND WHITE like cmon they aren’t even being subtle abt it u guys (@ the ppl who r denying it not u) just don’t wanna see queer ppl in media they literally could not make it more on the nose w/o making it an actual queer coming out story and not a metaphor (also when Miles and Rio were talking and he was trying to tell her “a secret” aka that he was spider-man and he was going all “i- i’m- i’m-” before bailing she 1000% thought he was trying to come out to her like as queer idk what other way she couldve interpreter that like srsly)

also not to be horny in asks but i need Miguel to fucking rail me for fuck’s sake hes hot and usually it’d be more likely i’d be into a mosquito than a muscular guy (it’s normally too generic yk)

and yeah that’s all my thoughts on the movie that’s i can turn into words (final random ones that idk how to format: Gwen and Miles were like extra baby in this one esp Miles + ik he has a wife and all but Peter and Miguel r definitely doing smthn like the vibes r there u cant deny it + Gwen x Miles is one of those ships that i don’t rlly care whether they’re romantic or platonic but i prefer them platonic and unfortunately the writers don’t seem to agree with me (kinda like Jopper except Jopper kinda grew on my entirely because of Willel being siblings bring extra extra canon) + not related to the contents of the film but there were these group of rlly annoying Neds sitting behind me and my friend who wouldn’t stop talking and going on their phones and i only heard one but according to my friend 2 ppl yelled at them to shut up and i heard them stop for like 2 seconds then start being bitches again it was so fucking annoying) and yeah damn that was a kinds long final thoughts thingy but yeah will this become my entire personality? idk we’ll have to see now if u’ll excuse me i gotta remember how to be a normal human again (hope this wasn’t too long lmao) :p

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH(sorry had to let that out) (it’s happy btw)

yes yes the metaphors, made me cry n everythin,, miles n rio were just !!!!!!! i loved it mostly bcuz i wish that was how my mom would’ve reacted if i ever came out to her (spoiler alert, she didn’t and she found out on her own. she was not at all accepting which is typical)

i mean at first, i thought miguel was comical very comical for having beef with miles, who is half his age!!!! yeah after i got out the theater, i wanted to beat his ass 😡😡😡 but then i could kinda see his attractive still not an excuse, i’d still fight him on sight

peter + miguel, i mean mj would obviously approve,,, they’re my poly couple ok??? miguel n mayday get me in my feels,,, 😭😭😭 like i’ve posted before PETER B PARKER AND MIGUEL O’HARA ATE EACH OTHERS ASSES!!!!! yeah great times

miles + gwen, i don’t really see or care for them romantically.. idk i just can’t see their romantic coding… them platonically just seem so much better to me

sorry abt those Neds,,, they seem like total bitches and you make this movie your whole personality bcuz it will be worth it (secretly goin to make the movie my personality again)

[dull-c]

right so, i have had a Super Fun week archiving 40 years worth of actual paper author contracts for work (kill meeee) + sorting last minute biz for little sissas wedding. subsequently I have only squeezed in a few rewatches over the last few days, and am generally existing on caffeine and fumes, so there’s absolutely nothing of substance coming outta this head rn. but! regardless! some incoherent Thoughts on some eps from my one semi-functioning brain cell under the cut

previously on the bad show......... daniel: you look good man! you look hot, sorry i mean sorry you still, sorry- got you got that- you still got that great ass, sorry, i mean you look fucken edible, sorry i mean sorry i wanna kiss you johnny: [takes this personally for some reason] //there is no kissing and everyone is mad about it//

1x04 -“the 15 inch, that’s a nice machine” makes me laugh every time. ahh yes indeed the 15 incher. Yes. That one. Almost as good as the 250 GBer. i know about computers. what are the other staff in this store DOING -kinda home of sexual that billboard thing huh? you working through some stuff jlawz? i love the idea of him not only drawing a 5 meter long paint dick on daniel’s face, but also his karate pamphlets trailing behind him all the way like drunken breadcrumbs -i just need you to know that i laughed at every single dick joke in this episode

-gonna skip right past the poop thing i think -and kyler’s 30 year old HS friend -daniel reacting a normal amount to graffiti on his billboard, nothing to see here. he’s fine he’s fine he’s kicking drinks outta peoples hands he’s ruining livelihoods he’s fine -tom cole definitely voted for trump both times -i cannot tell you how angry i was the first time i watched this and that jlawz big “no do overs” speech was revealed to be directed at carmen and miguel. sir i know you got trauma but try that hard with YOUR ACTUAL SON please -daniel: that’s too bad :D that you broke up with kyler :DDDD really sorry to hear!! [is happiest babygirl alive]

1x05 -do some yoga jlawz, it’ll be good for you!! -oh no robby buying pizza for his ma. he got the one she likes. baby boi :((( -gonna scoot past the lynne stuff but i repeat, i’m glad they pumped the brakes on this shit in later seasons bc this aint it!!! -daniel raising the rent on poor folks and then deliberately going to johnny to rub it and/ or his wealth in his face is objectively some supervillain nonsense, but if they wanted me to not like him in this scene maybe they shouldn’t have made him look so hot. i’m very shallow and dumb and he look sexy when he mean -“i guess sam takes after her dad.” kyler’s a gronk but credit where it’s due, that was a sick burn.

-okay daniel talking to miyagi at his grave > cleaning out the dojo > going back to karate > panflutes > hachimaki etc made me do an embarrassingly big cry. my brain is not in any shape to verbalise this rn but something about him fucking up, realizing it and heading to a cemetery and talking to miyagi all vulnerable like that really did a number on my feelings, especially coming right out of the tkk movies rewatch. he misses him so much ;_;

1x06 -boooo kreese sucks, even in flashbacks and when I can’t see his face. -“my dad hates [daniel larusso’s] guts” ok was jlawz just talking about daniel constantly the full 30+ years?? no wonder robby is mad, if every time he actually saw him he was like “hi dad!” and dad launched into an hour long rant about one guy from high school he interacted with a total of four times and three of those four times was him beating him up -demetri is a big vibe. love my beloved garbage disaster man, but pretty sure if I met him irl i would pretty quickly be like ‘ok buddy, for sure! yeah strike hard totally. anyway…. [already out the door] seeya!!’ -daniel asking everyone to do karate with him including his employees trying to fill that miyagi void is such an understatedly sad part of this episode. my old mens both so sad. ilu please go to therapy -miguel and sam are freaking adorable awkward babies and i would die for them -robby trying to use daniel to get back at his dad and then instantly imprinting on him is so funny. being charmed by daniel larusso is in the genes somehow -(not to be shallow ((is shallow)) but daniel looks so baby in that bit where robby comes to the house) -you know that scene in not another teen movie where they’re like “oh my god she’s wearing glasses! and overalls! and her hair is tied back!!”? the Hawk scene gives that in reverse vibes. like GASP, he gelled his hair!! and put on skinny jeans!!!

1x07 -it’s a montaaaage! -miguel no offense my sweet summer child but do not ask jlawz for advice on romance. his idea of courting is just obsessively brooding about them for 30 years and then when he finally sees them again stomping on their foot and running away -daniel being like “it was a solid business plan!” (re little trees) is so so daniel. i am gonna chew my own arm off i love this bouncy little pretend guy so hard -the UST in the committee meeting is off the charts. please stop looking at each other like that in public (also daniel being like OH GIMMIE A BREAK when jlawz said ‘kreese is dead’ is honestly the funniest thing in all of season 1. maybe the entire series) -i’m getting ahead of myself, but the golf and stuff montage has made me think – it’s kinda weird that they went with ali and jlawz going there in s3, right? idk miguel and sam is a cute little parallel to the movie, but A & J going there seems…. strange to me. although not any stranger than anything else they’ve done re: the original movie ig? hmm.   anyway! weird thought to end things on, but sometimes it do be like that. will resume normal rewatching transmissions on the weekend. might even have an actual coherent thought or two on something after I catch up on some sleep! i have high hopes

[couldyouspeakmyname]

Hi! 💕 I hope I'm submitting this correctly but I'm assuming you write for the Shishigumi lions? If so, I'd like to request some sfw and nsfw headcanons for them dating a female herbivore and it's totally up to you which members you would like to write for (although Free and Agata are my favourites!)

You know I love the Shishigumi, a lot. So I went overboard. I offer my apologies.

I will say, since I usually put NSFW under cut, but due to length I put it all under cut, I do have a big warning for it as to not surprise y’all

There’s a lot I could write for them, but to keep it reasonable I kept it kinda short! Feel free to request more if you’d like!

I’m also not great at nsfw so I tried my best I hope you like it anyway

SFW

Ibuki (I love him and will never NOT include him in an ask about the Shishigumi)

Ibuki is probably the best one at dating an herbivore. He’s very gentle and conscientious of you as an animal and your limitations 

That being said, he’s top tier respectful. He knows you may not be as physically strong as her is, but that doesn’t mean you’re not strong in your own way. He also likes the idea of protecting you. 

Always walks side by side with you. He’s nervous about holding your hand, but he’d never say it. Do it for him. 

Has eaten meat for YEARS and really struggles with that part of himself. 

Doesn’t kiss you for a really long time, he’s inwardly terrified that he’s going to hurt you. You’d have to make the first move.

Keeps you away from his work. He doesn’t want you to get hurt. 

He knows his world is dark, gritty, and that you shouldn’t be a part of it. He wants to send you away, but can’t. He thinks he’s selfish. You’ll need to reassure him this is what you want. 

Herbivores can’t see in the dark, so he keeps lights on in key areas so you can see better.

Protective. If anyone gives you any trouble he’s quick to correct their behavior, he can be incredibly intimidating when he wants to be

Slouches so you’re around the same height. Give him a back/neck rub at the end of the day. It will make him feel better, and he liked being close to you

The kind of boyfriend that remembers all the major events in your relationships, including small ones. 

Once he gets comfortable, he’s a snuggle bug in private. Cheek kisses, arm around your shoulders when you’re sitting, wrapping his arms around your waist when you’re standing.

Lions can’t purr, but if they COULD oh man, he’d never stop

Free

He’s famous for enjoying females, so the fact that he’s dating someone seriously that’s not a feline is really strange

You should have seen the expression on one of the more flirty female lions when he turned them down. 

Everyone thinks he’s joking about dating you at first, when they see he’s actually serious the teasing dies down, but doesn’t stop (it’s at his expense don’t worry).

“Has hell frozen over? What’s someone like you doing with a guy like Free?”

He honestly doesn’t expect you guys to stay together for very long. He expects it to be a fling. Only it doesn’t stop. He doesn’t get tired of you or eat you....It’s weird but wonderful. 

Has eaten meat for years, and has a hard time letting himself kiss on anywhere but on the cheek. Likes to throw his arm around you and hug you. So he does show affection, but keeps his mouth FAR AWAY from your throat. 

Rests his head on top of yours 

Calls you “Babe” a lot. He has a lot of other nicknames for you to. Some of the lions don’t even know your name, just that you’re dating Free. 

Over. Protective. He knows the market, the animals in it and the animals who come to it. He is very prepared to shoot or maim anyone who tries anything. The fact he’s such a loose canon does help scare people off. Everyone knows who you’re dating and they make sure not to push it. 

He likes to show you off. He’s that guy that carries a picture of you in his wallet. Anyone who asks about him dating someone and he’ll show you off. 

“Sure she’s hot, but have you see the ass on my girlfriend?” 

Likes to show off in front of you. Fights? Yes. Please watch him and root for him.

Tries to get you to get a tattoo, but will NOT get identical ones. He doesn’t want to jinx it. If you wanna have similar tattoos though, that’d be okay. 

Dolph

A relationship with Dolph when you’re an herbivore is really low key. A lot of people don’t know you’re dating. He doesn’t want to put you in jeopardy

He’s pretty serious and it’s hard for him just to relax. He does relax when you’re alone and he knows you’re safe. 

Likes to lay his head on your chest and listen to your heart beat 

When you do go out together, you may have to initiate any hand holding.  He plays it off, but he’s secretly happy

He smokes, and you may have to get on him for that if you don’t like it. It’d be very hard for him to quit 

Will let you braid his mane, but wont keep it in if you go out

Supports your endeavors and does whatever he can to help. He may get a little to into it. You’ll say you wanna take a trip and he has everything planned out. It’s a blessing and a curse. 

Likes how small your hands are in his

When he has a hard day, just hold him. He’s heavy and will lean into you, but he just needs the support

Has to relearn how to be himself, and you really help with that. He smiles more when he’s alone with you. 

Has a really deep, gruff, morning voice

Agata

If lions could blush you bet he’d be constantly red. If you actually look close, the insides of his ears usually are

Loves holding your hand and hugs

Respects your boundaries. If Ibuki is the king of respect, Agata is the prince.

He’s still part of a dangerous organization in the black market, so when he’s working he’s all business. Only a few of the members know about you (just the inner circle). 

Agata, like most of the others, is petrified to kiss you. He probably has the worst anxiety out of anyone else. He’s a meat eater, he’s eaten your kind of meat before. What if He accidently hurts you?

Texts you all the time.

The one you can be on the phone with for hours and not know it

Likes it when you run your fingers through his mane

He’s stronger than he looks, so he may just pick you up and carry you every now and again. He just likes to hold you, let him have this

Brings you flowers and your favorite snacks whenever you have a bad day

Stammers when he’s flustered.

Likes to bury his face in your neck

He has a hard time being who he is versus how he thinks he should be. The fact he can goof off and just enjoy life without the strain of being a lion is a blessing. 

Probably says he loves you before you do. He does it when he’s half asleep on your lap. He falls asleep before he realized he said it, whoops.

You’d have to be the one to be aggressive in public. “Excuse me, he asked for no pickles”  meme

Miguel

He’s pretty quiet in his group, so no one knows you’re dating

Miguel is really good at thinking his feelings and thoughts, but isn’t great at voicing them. He does a lot of little things to show affection. He brings you a warm drink on a cold day, has food for you when you wake up, holds you hand

He likes to try and see the best in everything, even if he knows how ugly the world is

His mane is maintained carefully. Once you get really serious, he may ask you to help him with it. It’s pretty intimate, and when you’re done he looks at you like you have stars in your eyes

He’s the force of protection you don’t even know is there. He’s probably saved your life like, eight times, and never let you know that he did

Sabu

If Miguel is quiet, Sabu is dead silent

No one knows anything about his personal life, let alone his dating life

They find out one day when the group is trying to make plans for a fun sort of day, and he turns them down because you two have a date. It becomes a secret mission for the group to find out who you are.

They don’t, Sabu is the oldest member and one of the most clever

A popular headcanon is that his face is really, REALLY messed up. I share that headcanon. The first time you kiss the scars on his face he chokes up

He goes all in. he’s yours as long as you’ll have him. He expects the same respect from you. 

He’s eaten meat for a really long time, but he has more semblance of control being a smidge older than most of the other lions. 

A bit pessimistic 

Kisses you good morning and goodnight. 

Cuddles on the couch. He’ll watch whatever you want to, but he has his preferences

Wears his face covering everywhere, you’ll need to remind him he can relax when you’re alone

. If you get out of somewhere like work or school late at night, he’s waiting for you to take you home. 

So used to wearing a suit and tie, he doesn’t know how to do casual wear very well. He lets you pick most of his stuff out. 

Jinma

He knows a lot about the black market, so he’s over protective from the get go. However, since he does know so much, he knows what connections to make to keep you safe. 

Eats meat, and is self conscious that you’ll judge him for it. Please be nice to him

Kiss his eye with the spot, it makes him feel special

(Personal headcanon) His mane has never grown right, so he keeps it short. He’s kind of self conscious about it. A lions mane means a lot to male lions, he tries to keep it nice but...it’s nothing like some of the other Shishigumi’s manes. Pet it, run your fingers through it. Males don’t complimented enough. It’ll make him feel loved. 

If you ever wanna go anywhere fancy, because of his connections and knowledge, you can basically go anywhere at any time...as long as it’s in the black market, but he may know a guy that knows a guy. If there’s something more legal you need, he checks in with his other gang members to see who knows who

Has a wicked good memory, remembers pretty much everything you’ve said

Dope

A gentleman. He will hold doors open for you, offer his arm and hand when you walk together, brings you flowers. 

He, like all the Shishigumi, eats meat. He is self conscious about it an doesn’t want to scare you away. He will be upfront about it though. He wants honesty. he talks it out with you, and he will try and cut back but being part of the Shishigumi, and a meat addict, means it’s very hard for him to stop. He probably wont, not completely, but he tries not to do it around you. 

He doesn’t brag he’s dating you, but if he’s asked he gets this really peaceful look on his face

If you ever take him shopping at any flea market or outdoor stalls, he will get you the best bargain. He’s also amazing at helping you with any work contracts, apartment contracts and anything else.

Likes it when you brush his mane, and lets you put it up for him before he goes out. He doesn’t let you do anything fancy, but says when you do it it somehow turns out better

Hino

Hino is very attractive. His looks are what brings jobs in, so he keeps the fact that you’re dating a secret for business. 

Gives you extra affection in private because of it. Kisses, hugs, all that. His favorite is to kiss the back of your hand, he is kind of a romantic. 

Don’t get him wrong, he’s still a lion. If he hears that an animal is giving you a hard time, he will take them down and look handsome AF doing it

Eats meat, and like all the other lions worries for your safety. He tends to eat before he sees you, but after a while of you dating he becomes more relaxed. He doesn’t eat in front of you though. 

Spends a ton of time getting ready for the day, you may have to fight him for the bathroom 

Compliments you a lot. He uses the basic one liners at his job with older, lonely, animals. So, he uses unique ones for you. 

“I think the sun is jealous of your smile”

Totally lets your style his mane, and if you’re going out to somewhere not the black market, he’ll keep whatever style you give him. He’s confident and pulls anything off

Calls you Darling

Worst bedhead. 

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

NSFW Manage yourselves safely!

Ibuki 

It was almost impossible to get him in bed with you. He’s so worried and full of anxiety. Any mood you get in, you instantly gets ruined by him being worried he’ll eat you

You’re going to have to plan in advance and spend a lot of time talking about safety and safe words

Honestly? He does try and eat you the first time. Not intentionally and he stops himself, but to be fair to HIM as an herbivore...you almost let him

It kind of ruins the mood and you end up talking it out with him. He’s so ashamed he can’t look at you for a while. 

Once time goes by, and you move pretty slow, but it’s worth it. Sex with Ibuki is amazing

Remember how Ibuki is really diligent about your limitations and you as  an herbivore? Pays OFF when he’s with you

He’s all about foreplay and making sure you are ready and prepared before he does anything. Ibuki has big dick energy. He doesn’t brag but is blessed. But he knows that with you being smaller than him, he’s not down to hurt you with it 

 He starts keeping his nails short for you. The other guys may try and tease him for it, but Ibuki gets defensive over you and so it’s short lived.

His voice drops when he’s in the mood, and he borderline growls. You’ve been teasing him all day, you really should make it up to him

Surprisingly good at dirty talk, it kind of comes naturally to him and neither of you know why

Loves your thighs, and his whiskers tickle. 

He has big hands, and when you’re alone he may saunter up behind you and run them down your sides slowly, kissing your check and down your neck. 

Best at aftercare, no matter how tired he is, he will take care of you 

Free

Is more concerned than he lets on. He tries to pretend he’s all confidence, but he has a pretty hard time getting to the point of actually having sex with you. He actually start actively avoiding it. He blue balls himself. Someone help him.

He’s used to doing what comes natural, and what if what comes natural means hurting you? He’d rather not.

When you do finally try and have sex, he doesn’t kill you...but he does bite you. You need stitches, and he has even more of a complex (tell him he just gave you a cool tattoo or something)

He may actively avoid you or being near you. It’s a set back. He’s not like Ibuki who can talk it out, he’s supposed to be a lion, not a scaredy cat. 

You have to put your foot down. You’re dating a bad ass mafia lion, not some nervous school boy. Remind him about how much you care about him and how much you want him.

The second time goes better, but he’s a LOT more careful. he does maim a few pillows, claws the mattress. Their sacrifice is appreciated. (you two become famous for ruining and destroying beds. The other guys are both impressed and disgusted. Free has no shame)

Trims his claws so he can use them the next time. He’s learning.

This male is a womanizer, but he’s not great at doing things that females would stay for? It’s more of a hit-it-and go. He knows some tricks but...not a lot. 

Tries his best though. Loves to dig his hands in your hips. Leaves bruises. One time he got hammered and asked Ibuki for advice. Ibuki was helpful, but needed therapy afterwards. 

Rough sex 90% of the time (that other 10 is passionate sex that lasts hours, it’s pretty impressive)

Once you guys get comfortable, hope you’re okay with bite marks and kiss marks. You’d have to wear winter clothing 24/7 to hide them all. He’s VERY proud of you being his female, he doesn’t want any other male getting ideas

Turns him on if you take control. Most things you do turns him on. He’s near insatiable. You could roll out of bed, eyes still squinty, mascara from last night all over, and he’s like..man, that’s hot. Hope you’re okay with having sex in weird places, he’s going to ask. 

Not great at aftercare, but BOY can he snuggle. If you’re able to walk afterwards, you wont be able to. Clingy. 

Dolph

Wants it to happen organically, but when it finally does, he catches himself.

He’s looking at you under him, how your eyes sparkle and shine, and how vulnerable you are...And the idea that he could rip out your throat comes to mind and it terrifies him. He practically throws himself off you

You have to reassure him and talk to him. 

Dolph is careful with you the first time, and while he doesn’t bite you, he does dig his claws in a little to much. They may or may not scar. He feels bad, but he’s so in the moment he can’t help it

May drool a little. Don’t tease him until later. 

He doesn’t stop until you’re satisfied. It’s a promise. You will NOT be able to walk the next day. He’s going to make the claw marks up to you if it kills you and wakes everyone in ear shot. 

Out of all of the lions, you’re safest with Dolph. He’s ”the serious one”, which makes him practical and knowing. He actually does research and goes online to inform himself. 

Love bites. He doesn’t break skin, so you’re safe there. 

Loves it when you try and claw him. You can’t do a lot, as an herbivore, but the fact your instincts try and make you...really gets him going. 

Casual at aftercare. Better than average but nothing near Ibuki or Agata.

Not a sex maniac, and with work, it’s not high on his priority list. He’ll make up for it though ;)

Agata

Likes to pretend it’s not something he’s interested in, but he is. He just doesn’t want to pressure you, or scare you. Dating a lion is one thing, being fully exposed is another and he knows it. 

He thinks about it a lot, but doesn’t act on it. You probably will have to take the lead. Agata gets way to in his head.

The sweetest kisser ever, but when he’s heated they’re like fire. Biting your lip, you face carefully with his claws just teetering on the edge of digging in. He loves kissing you, doesn’t matter where. 

Kissing will lead to other things if you don’t stop him, but do you really want to?

Likes to pull you close, and the more heated he gets the more likely he’s going to grind on you without realizing he’s doing it

Totally whines if you stop kissing him. 

Younger than the rest of the Shishigumi, and is more prone to using his instincts. He eats meat and is afraid of hurting you, but his desire to fuck your brains out is far greater than the instinct to eat you

He does end up biting you, and uses his claws. The damage he does isn’t serious, but he still fuses over you when its over. 

Takes a while to let himself near you like that again. He beats himself up. You may have to prove to him you’re tougher than you look. 

When you try again, he makes up for his shortcomings. You’re not sleeping tonight, call in sick to work tomorrow. 

You may have to ask him to slow down. He intends to go all night, you may have to curb his enthusiasm. Don’t forget to take breaks for water so you don’t pass out. 

Wont stop until you’re satisfied. Doesn’t matter how tired he is. 

Sweet nothings in your ear non stop...between the moaning. He’s surprisingly vocal

Talk to him too. Part of the reason he cares so much about you is because you see him for who he is, not his status as a lion. 

Since he doesn’t plan having sex with you, and just lets it happen naturally, he always has things in his room for you. Just in case. Please don’t tease him about it, the other lions do that enough. 

Is totally the kind of guy to help you bathe afterwards if you want.

One of the biggest snugglebugs 

Miguel

Miguel is worried about having sex with you, but no one knows it but him. 

He’s the brawn of the group, and is strong as hell. He may end up trying to show off and you may end up in positions when you have to totally vulnerable (if it makes you uncomfortable, he’ll adjust. Just talk to him)

Muscles for days. The lion is made of stone, but has surprisingly soft touches. He knows his body and knows how to use it

He’s never had sex with an herbivore, he’s thought about it, but having sex with something he may eat later didn’t sit well with him. You are a different story. He’s thought about it a little to much

First time he has sex with you he claws you, and they’re pretty deep. You end up getting stitches. Unlike a lot of the other lions though, he doesn’t avoid you afterwards. He’s there when you get stitches, intimidating the doctor (who has a small heart attack every time Miguel moves)

Apologizes but isn’t afraid to try again. He trims his claws this time, you should really tell him the other things his fingers could be used for outside clawing your back. 

Do not mess with his mane or pull it, he’ll get grumpy. 

Loves your chest and carefully uses his tongue. Doesn’t matter what size they are, he’s a fan. 

Not very vocal, but likes it when you are. 

Sabu

Sabu is older and more controlled, so you’re pretty safe with him. 

He doesn’t seem like he’s interested in it, and since he doesn’t talk much, him bringing it up comes out of no where.

“Wanna have sex?”

Just out of no where. He doesn’t talk much so he doesn’t beat around the bush. You were just scrolling on your phone, and you nearly drop it.

He doesn’t hurt you when you have sex, not even by accident, but the couch you were on gets shredded. It looks like an animal twice his size attacked it. 

Runs his hands over your body, he can’t stop touching you. 

Kiss his scars, it sooths him, and he’ll pay you back

Loves your neck, but is careful not to leave any marks (you have no idea how he doesn’t, it’s like magic)

He doesn’t care if you leave kiss marks on him

No great with aftercare, but will make sure you’re okay and kisses your cheeks and on top of your head

Jinma

Disaster. He doesn’t mean to be, he just is

He wants it to be perfect, but while he knows everything about the black market, he doesn’t know much about having sex with an herbivore. He never really though of it, and now that he is...help him. He knows rumors of herbivore and carnivore relationships that have gone wrong so...he kind of freezes up. That, and he hasn’t been in a lot of long term relationships. 

While the others do their research, Jinma goes way to into it and becomes a bit overwhelmed, but hides it. 

You end up having to take control. For someone who knows the black market like the back of his hand, Jinma is the student and you are the teacher. You’re an herbivore, and you’re going to show him just how much you know (you are the captain now)

He bites you, and he does break the skin, but he just closes his mouth and allows you to decide if you wanna continue or stop

He starts keeping a med kit in his room just in case. 

He gets better, the more he learn and the more serious he is with you. Soon he’s compiling a book of knowledge on you.. He knows where to touch to make your toes curl, what to say, and your weak spots

He takes everything he learns and uses it against you one night. He’s a fast learner. 

 Dope

Part of negotiations is to know what a person wants and what they will go through to get it. So, when you bring it up, the look in your eyes is all it takes for him to know he needs to take you serious. 

Usually his kisses are quick and satisfying, but once he actually starts to seriously kiss you its like it’s the last time he’s going to do it. 

Likes to have you in his lap. Seeing your face is important to him. Every movement and actions of your body paints a picture of what you want. 

Third best at foreplay, what drags him down is he watches you to the point that he forgets what he’s doing

When you first have sex, he ends up clawing your hips and biting your lip to hard. You lip bleeds a little and his nails break the skin.  He’s a little worried, but if you don’t tell him to stop he’ll get permission to keep going. 

Ends up also biting you, but nothing to terrible or life altering. 

He loves watching you, body language tells a person a lot about someone, so no matter where or how, he likes seeing your face. 

Afterwards, he makes sure you’re okay, and comfortable, He does the basics, but doesn’t go overboard 

May leave a kiss mark or two, but it’s accidental. He doesn’t want to embarrass you (even if seeing you with kiss marks makes the animal in him deeply satisfied)

Hino

Hino knows a females body like no other. He’s not exactly promiscuous, but he likes being satisfied

Since dating you, he hasn’t been with any other females, he’s very needy. He’s not as bad as Free, but he’s getting there.

You have no idea how he seduces you every time, one moment you’re making tea, the next, you’re on the kitchen counter 

The first time you try and have sex with him, he claws you way to hard and you end up having to get stitches and fixed up. He feels awful and can’t look you in the eye. He swears he will NEVER do it again

He never does, he keeps to his word

Unlike some of the other lions, the fact he hurt you doesn’t keep him away. He feels bad, but now he’s going to try twice as hard to make sure every time he has sex with you is amazing.

Wont stop until you’re satisfied, and just seems to naturally know your body and what you like.

While he’s composed in public, you get to see a little wild in his eyes when he fucks you. He has this low growl that rumbles through his chest that you feel deep in your body the tighter he holds you

Probably has had sex with you on most surfaces in your home. 

Above average at aftercare. He tries, but having more one night stands than not hasn’t equipped him for great aftercare. He learns though. 

[aestheticsuwu]

When Our Eyes Met

Robby Keene x Doug Rickenberger

A Huge thank you to @oceluna , for giving me the boost I needed to upload this new ship !

We are blessed for having this beautiful human (@oceluna ) being for giving us a part of their time to create wonderful LawRusso content and other ships !💖😊

( Binary Boyfriends + SamxMiguel + Lawrusso ) Part 3

.... ..... .....

He should've know having Sam and Demetri as friends would only cause him trouble . Now he's being forced on a date but he didn't even know who Hawk would set him up .

For all he knows Hawk would pick a random stranger , why did he think that life would go easy on him . He really can't catch a break , okay maybe he's exaggerating a little bit .

He thinks he's allowed to be dramatic , atleast they had already decided what Demetri was going to wear , black flannel shirt with a white shirt underneath and some skinny jeans .

Heading out to go home to change as well , but not before assuring Demetri that everything would turn out fine .  Hawk was in love with Demetri ass and well , vice versa .

....

He went to the kitchen to grab something to drink , his dad was there serving a cup of juice . Quickly going to cupboard and handing over the glass to his dad .

" Me and Daniel are going to watch a movie later , order some pizza wanna join . "

" I would love to dad but I got a date . "

" is she hot ? "

" Is actually a blind date . "

" She's blind ? " His dad had a funny look as he was confused , Dad L came in laughing along with  Robby .

" John the person isn't blind , it just means both people don't know what they look like . Robby be safe , i want the 3 of you back at 10  "

"you got it , dad . "

Hugging his Dad L , before leaving to go change .

Johnny makes sure the coast is clear before pining Daniel against the counter .

" Guess we're having the house to ourselves , I was thinking having you in nothing but my shirt -

" Laying down in bed , just waiting for you to join me "

" mhmm " The blonde puts his hand on Daniels ass , he really had the best ass . Daniel arms holds on to his neck , as he pulls him in more closer . He leans in to kiss him .

" for us to talk about our lovely deep  emotions . "

Daniel laughs at the face the blond has , he couldn't help it . He gives kiss on the cheek before leaving , with Johnny behind him .

" You really know how to kill a boner , Bambi.  "

..... ..... ...

One of the things he and his dad have in common was that they really didn't know how to receive compliments . Here he was blushing and not knowing what to say as Sam and Demetri kept talking .

" Damn Robby , lookin mighty fine !  . "

" So handsome   and those jeans , right  Demetri ? "

 " Agreed that ass is out of this world . "

" Shut up ! "

He quickly shouted as he got to the front seat , He quickly look one last time in the mirror of the car , while waiting for Sam and Demetri to get in . Pep talks were thrown , mainly for Demetri . Arriving , looking through the open glass window , they could see Hawks purple Mohawk , Miguels waving , and a taller boy .

" Hey guys " Miguel came over as the other two stayed back . He stood next to Demetri to reassure him everything was alright . It looked like hawk and his friend were fighting , until the two quickly came over .

" Everything okay ? " Demetri questioned Hawk , gosh Hawk wasn't subtle about his feelings for his best friend with that stare or gaze whatever you want to call it .

" Yeah , perfect ! Robby this is Doug Rickenberger , Doug this is Robby Keene shall we go in . "

They both incline their heads to each other for acknowledgment.  Doug was way taller than him and his broad shoulders didn't help Robbys height . He was wearing a Red shortsleve  shirt ,  black jeans and some vans . 

They were seated down, everyone was at the table with their individual date . The tables weren't together but enough distance where they all could hear each other . And it was awkward and quiet at first . Sam and Miguel tried to ease the moment , but it was clear him and Doug wish their were somewhere else but here .

It wasn't their first time seeing each other but their encounters were brief.  He had seen the tall boy with Hawk before . Once in awhile he would go to his dad dojo , Doug must've seen him those few times .

Also sometimes his Dad and Daniel would do classes together , but usually he would stick with Myagi-Do students .

Sam and Miguel were already in a relationship , so they were having a blast and it seemed Demetri and Hawk were hitting it off . So Here he was making small talk every time it got to quiet .

" so you like karate ? " He internally just cringed at himself but hey he was trying . He guess it wasn't that bad by the chuckle of  Doug

" Yeah , what's it like to have two dads - "

" There's no difference , their just parents . Just because their both dudes and i have a mom too "

" I was gonna say what's it like to have both parents that know karate . "

Guess he should've have left the other boy finish , it was just that some people still don't understand that times have changed .

" I'm sorry I got all defensive  on you . "

He gave Doug a small smile hoping the latter wouldn't notice how embarrassed he felt .

" Its alright , uhh do you play any other sports maybe soccer . "

Nodding to the question  but then realise he had to answer before the mood gets ruined again .

" uh yeah when I was little , haven't played recently actually . Do you ? "

" Yeah I'm on the soccer team . Maybe you should try out , I wouldn't mind having you on the team unless your not good as you are in karate . "

Doug finish with a teasing  smirk and a raised eyebrow waiting for the blonde to answer .

" I like to let you know that I was the best player on my team when I was a kid , well that's what my dad and Mom said but I withstand my point . "

Both burst out laughing , and once the waitress come with their food their both smiling at each other .

If felt kinda nice , it was awhile Robby hadn't laughed and gone out with someone that wasn't his friends or his parents .

...... ....... ........ Doug Pov

Doug was friends with Hawk since he joined cobra kai , they would hanged out in School.  After school he would go to the dojo or to soccer practice . 

Today he was free and had nothing to do , so he easily accepted Hawks idea . But he wasn't expecting said date to be a boy and son of his Sensei. 

He wasn't into guys ,but he didn't mind the idea of dating one but he's just never seem to find a guy he would date . Here he was standing in front of his date as Hawk introduces him .

Robby had green eyes and freckles across his cheeck and nose . Dark blond hair and a nice smile . He was short compared to his height , he wore a black shirt with blue jeans .

His brain came to a conclusion : Pretty boy

..... ...... ......

" Do you want get out of here ? "

" Like right now ? "

" Yeah "

The two couples were distracted as they both left the dinner . Grabbing a hoodie from their own car as quickly as they could . Who knows why but they started running without realising they were holding hands . Their laughter was left echoing behind them .

They stopped at the  skate park  as they got tired . There were few people skating there , he turned to look at Robby once he didn't feel his hand . He watched as he jogged back holding a skateboard .

" Do you know how to skate? "

Holding a skateboard felt unfamiliar to him , handing it back to Robby who was wearing a cheeky smile .

" No , I'm guessing you do . "

" I know a few things . "

He shouldve known by that cocky smile he was lying . He watched Robby do some amazing stuff , he even showed that one hand stand . Then it was his turn , he failed miserably all the times . He asked what was the secret , as he once again falls .

" Its all about  balance "

Robby looked up at him as he answered him .  He understood the answer , since Mr. Larusso  karate did involve balance .

Noticing they were standing close , face to face . Maybe it was the way the moon and street light illuminate the blondes face . Or the way he was smiling at him that he said those words .

" is there something on my face ? "

" Sorry it's just I never knew a boy could be as beautiful as you ... "

Seeing the surprise look and the addition of the blush contrasting his tan skin made his beat faster . God when did he become such a girl . His thoughts are interrupted when Robby quickly steps back ,  misstep and hurts his ankle .

.... ..... .. ...

Arriving at the dinner place he could see their friends waiting for them at their cars . Holdding on tight to Robby thighs for he wouldn't fall of his back . Chuckling as the boy groans in embarrassment as  the others start to come closer seeing their situation .

" Robby are you okay ? Where were you two , we were worried . ! "

" I'm alright Sam , Me and Doug went for a walk and I hurt my ankle , hence why Doug is giving me a piggyback ride . "

" Oh I thought you decided to climb him like a tree cause - "

" Demetri ! " Robby tightens his arms as he shouts to quiet his friend . walking to Sam's car he hears the blonde mumbling while his head nudging against his shoulder .

Meanwhile everyone were saying goodbye he helps Robby get in the car . As gently as he could , he was stopped when he was opening the door . The latter looked nervous as he looked at him while bitting his lip .

" I had a good time , we should do it sometime again if you want or not ? "

" Yeah definitely.  I will text you now that I have your number . "

He was already a sucker for that smile that showed off his dimples . Smiling , he leans in to give a kiss on the cheeck but Robby stops him as the blonde leans to give him a quick peck on the mouth .

" Bye ! "

" Bye . " Walking back he couldn't help but look back and wave at the blonde when he  catches his eye . shit , he was totally blushing now .

....... ...... ... Robby Pov .......

Sam and Demetri both entered asking questions if he was really fine or in pain . once he assured them that he was alright , Demetri took it as a sign to tease him .

" We want all the info , cause we totally saw you , you slutty marshmallow ! "

Sidenote : Part 3 of the triple date , hope you guys like it . Also what would the ship name be Roug or Dobby . I like Roug ! . Side mentions of Lawrusso because why not . This was supposed to be Apocalypse / Zombie au but this ^^ was made at the thought of a triple date with the binary boyfriends .

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Thanks for replying! Could you possibly link the rp blog? I love your headcanons! What do the Cobras and Miyagi-Dos think of them? I like to think one of the characters in canon came up with their ship name, who do you think it was?- Cherry

But of course, Cherry!!! Those headcanons were so fun to write :D It’s honestly one of my favorite headcanon/ask posts that I’ve done, I think. I love thinking about how Johnny would react to Hawk and Demetri dating XD And writing that paragraph about how I think Demetri and Eli met was honestly the most fun ride haha

@sipping--snowflakes runs a Demetri RPG blog I think, it’s @binarybrother1! Idk if it’s still active, you’ll have to hit them up about that. I also think @hawkxatxheart​ RPs as Hawk and ships the binary boyfriends, if you want to hit them up too!

Aight screw it, Imma do the most complete analysis I can XD

Miguel ships it SO hard XD Like Miguel is a very smart and intuitive person who seems pretty good at picking up on emotions and such (he was able to almost instantly call bullshit on Kreese’s war stories, IIRC), so I’m almost certain that he picked up that there were Some Kinda Vibes going on with those two from day fucking one. But obviously he doesn’t wanna outright say anything, especially not at a school where kids will get bullied for literally ANYTHING and something like kids being gay for each other could legit put a target on both their backs if it got out. So he lets these boys figure shit out on their own time but is also like “...yeah, they’ll realize it eventually, I’m sure.” XD And you dun best believe he just went “ohhhhh my godddddd” when they fell out and developed a super intense rivalry because he’s like guys??? Do you NOT realize being that obsessed with fucking with each other...kinda means you’re obsessed WITH each other??? Even though you both have other friends now??? Doesn’t seem like normal best friend behavior :/ But of course our boy doesn’t want to interfere unless it gets really bad--and he’s got his own issues to deal with, anyhow. I imagine after the dojos join and Demetri and Eli start dating after a while, Miguel is just like “FUCKING FINALLY!!! Sam pay up, you owe me 20 bucks!!!” He’s so happy they finally dragged their heads out of their asses and realized they loved each other, because man, you can bet your ass Miguel knew they did from the get-go.

Sam I think I’ve touched on a fair bit in my other posts so I won’t get into a whole big long thing, but she’s...certainly leery of them dating at first, mainly because she remembers Demetri’s issues with Eli are what pushed him to join Miyagi-Do in the first place, and she witnessed him breaking Dem’s arm so she’s pretty...not crazy about Eli XD But Miguel and Demetri both vouch for Eli a LOT, and reassure Sam over and over that he’s a good guy at heart and just let Kreese get in his head and fell victim to his brainwashing for a while. Sam comes around to the idea after a while, and she can see how happy he makes Demetri and ultimately trusts Demetri to be smart enough to not date someone who’s going to treat him badly. Then eventually she and Eli bond over what a fuck Kyler is (he bullied Sam too, don’t forget!!! And they DATED, so the thing he did with the blowjob rumors was a HUGE violation of the pretty intimate trust you have with a partner) and after that she is VERY on board with him and Demetri dating XD

Chris is...Not A Fan, to put it lightly XD Like he saw firsthand how much of a fuck Hawk was to him and Mitch when they first joined Cobra Kai and how he basically hazed them both for funsies because he let the tournament win get to his head. And hell, HE was one of the ones who got sicced on Demetri in the mall and tried to get Hawk to back down, and SAW that he wouldn’t. And when Hawk was about to go after Demetri at Moon’s party, Chris was the first Miyagi-Do to step in and protect him. And, of course, he saw Hawk break Demetri’s arm, too. So he’s no stranger to the antagonism Hawk has always had for Demetri in particular, and doesn’t trust that it’s completely gone. However, Chris is a pretty down-to-earth and reasonable dude, so with a LOT of vouching from Demetri, I can see him coming around eventually. Also if he was willing to give Mitch a second chance, ain’t no reason he can’t do the same for Hawk. And Mitch would probably vouch for Hawk too, after he and Chris became friends again--after all, Mitch DID end up becoming pretty good friends with Hawk after all the hazing stuff. So ultimately Chris ends up being at least civil with Hawk, but he sometimes glares at him when no one’s looking like “I’ve got my eye on you, you’d better not hurt my bro or there’s gonna be hell to pay”

Mitch is fairly indifferent, I think, although he DOES find the irony of Hawk now being head-over-heels smitten with the same dude he sent him to beat up in the mall and the same dude who told everyone Hawk wets the bed to be IMMENSELY hilarious. He loves to tease Hawk about it, like “Man, what would you have done a year ago if you’d known you’re now regularly making out with that shrimpy little nerd???” and Hawk is like “oh my god shut UP” but then he turns away and smirks because the joke is on Mitch--he TOTALLY still liked Demetri through All That Mess Last Year, he just...had a very poor way of processing it XD

I imagine Bert kinda looks up to Hawk as an older brother figure (there’s a snippet I’ve seen some gifs of of Hawk teaching him how to block and it’s actually really cute--huge Big Bro/Little Bro Energy) and probably also admires Demetri quite a bit for trying to protect him and Nate during the Christmas party fight, so he’s definitely on board!!! His two honorary big brothers dating--he’s thrilled!!! Nate not so much, since you dun best believe he still remembers Hawk and his goons “kicking the fucking shit out of him” XD Nonetheless, Nate probably also has a soft spot for Demetri for trying to protect him, so with lots of vouching from Demetri (and Bert too, once he and Nate are friends again), he eventually comes around to the idea of Hawk and Demetri dating.

ON TO THE SECOND QUESTION, FINALLY!

I actually think Aisha is the one who comes up with their ship name!!! XD Allow me to elaborate--so at some point Aisha comes back (because fuck it, I miss her), either to join the new merged dojo or just to visit, because ain’t no one telling me she didn’t keep in touch with at least SAM and visit occasionally if she was still in the city or general area. So she walks into the dojo to go see Sam and her other friends and start catching up with everyone, and--oh, Sam and Miguel are in the same weird, combined karate dojo now that isn’t Miyagi-Do OR Cobra Kai??? Super wack, but okay. Then she sees Demetri and Hawk holding hands and her eyes get really wide and she’s like “Wait, you two are DATING now??? That’s...kind of gross :/”

And Demetri and Hawk just freeze up for a hot sec because is Aisha of all people about to be judgmental??? But then she immediately follows up with “Well, aren’t you the binary brothers? I don’t know if I can get behind incest, guys.” And Hawk just breaks out snickering and is like “Shit, man, she’s right. We should probably update that.” And Demetri’s like “NO WAIT I GOT THIS” and then he just goes “dEmEtRi aNd eLi, BiNaRy BoYfRiEnDs” complete with the super cringey robot arm and Eli is like “Oh my GOD I am GOING to kill you” as the entire dojo proceeds to Lose Their Shit.

Also you dun best believe that literally every picture Aisha takes with Hawk and Demetri after they all start hanging out again (because I WANT THEM TO, FIGHT ME) is captioned things like “Chillin’ with the binary boyfriends!” “Eating tacos with the binary boyfriends!” “Doing karate with the binary boyfriends!” and before too long she refuses to refer to Demetri and Eli as anything else XD

Also yes I know Moon was also there during the Binary Brothers scene but she most likely wouldn’t be cheeky and tease them about it later. Aisha absolutely WOULD.

[pinktintedmonocle]

Dedicated Followers of Fashion - A Cobra Kai Lawrusso Fanfic - Chapter 1

Daniel raised an eyebrow.  “That jacket is certainly something.  Where did you even get that?”

Johnny shrugged.  “Can’t remember.  Had it since the nineties.”

“Oh yeah?  Thought you didn’t own any clothes bought after 1989?”

When Johnny wears his sleeveless denim jacket to sparring practice, long buried feelings begin to emerge between him and Daniel.  As they try to deal with their emotions, a few iconic outfits from their past make a reappearance.

Set post season 3, so beware spoilers if you haven’t finished it yet.

1992

“John Lawrence, here for the modelling gig.”

The receptionist looked at Johnny over the top of her wire rimmed glasses, pursing her lips in disapproval.

“You’re late.”

“Yeah, I know.  I ran outta juice half a mile from the nearest gas station and me and my friend Bobby had to push my Firebird – ”

“Just sign here”, said the woman, pushing a clipboard towards Johnny.  “Then take a left down there to get to costume and make-up.”

She pointed towards a corridor with a blood red nail and Johnny squiggled his signature then set off, walking briskly.  He knocked on the door and it was quickly opened by a harassed looking man in a brightly patterned shirt.

“Are you the model? You’re very late you know, we were expecting you almost an hour ago.”

“Yeah, I know”, said Johnny. “But my car -”

“I don’t care, just get in here”, said the man, dragging Johnny into the room and starting to unbutton his shirt.

“Right, we need to get your clothes off and the baby oil on. Miranda!”

A small woman with a measuring tape around her neck materialised out of seemingly nowhere, brandishing a bottle of oil.  Together, Miranda and the man prepared Johnny for the shoot, styling his hair and oiling him up.  They gave him a pair of low rise designer jeans to change into; he quickly took off his own very much not-designer jeans and pulled them on.

“Right!” said the man, clapping his hands together and surveying his handiwork.  “I think you’re all good to go!  Oh – apart from one thing -”

He handed Johnny a sleeveless denim jacket and Johnny shrugged it on over his bare chest before the man pushed him out of the room and Miranda led him to the set.

After the shoot, Johnny walked up to the photographer.

“Hey, look I was just wondering if there are any more jobs like this going.  It’s just I could really use the money and -”

“Oh, there are plenty of jobs like this going.  For people who show up on time”, said the photographer, glaring at Johnny before walking off.

Back in the dressing room, Johnny scrubbed the baby oil angrily off his chest.  He tugged his own jeans and shirt back on before his eyes fell on the denim jacket, now draped over the back of a chair.  He slung it over one arm and left the building, more than ready for a beer with Bobby.

 2019

“Maybe our new logo could be an eagle eating a snake”, suggested Johnny, picking up a pencil and beginning a crude sketch.

“Needs to have a bonsai in it”, said Daniel, not looking up from his phone.

“Alright.  How about an eagle sitting in a bonsai eating a snake?”

Daniel tutted.  “An eagle can’t sit in a bonsai, Johnny. It’s too big, the bonsai would just topple over.”

Johnny dropped the pencil and huffed, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, well, why don’t you try and come up with some ideas, LaRusso, rather than just staring at crap on your phone?  What are you looking at, anyway?”

“Your Facebook page”, Daniel answered without missing a beat.  “And you’re right, it is crap.  Why is there a photo of you pouting while standing in front of a mural of some angel wings?”

“Oh shit, thought I’d got rid of that one”, said Johnny, pulling a face.  “Can you delete it for me while you’re there?”

Daniel sighed.  “No, Johnny, I can’t delete it for you, that’s not how it works.”  He was for silent for a moment, still scrolling, then smiled.

“This one of you and Miguel is nice, though.  You at a concert or something?”

“Yeah, Dee Snider, the most badass rocker ever.” Johnny stuck his tongue out and raised his hand to his mouth, two middle fingers held down, mimicking the pose in the photo.

Daniel rolled his eyes. “That jacket is certainly something. Where did you even get that?”

Johnny shrugged. “Can’t remember.  Had it since the nineties.”

“Oh yeah?  Thought you didn’t own any clothes bought after 1989?”

Johnny threw the pencil at Daniel across the office they had set up in Miyagi-Do.  The smaller man caught it easily and scowled, but Johnny just grinned.

“Maybe I’ll wear it for you sometime, LaRusso”, he said with a wink.

“Lucky me”, Daniel muttered, looking back down at his phone.

Johnny wasn’t sure if it was just a trick of the light, but it almost looked like there was a faint blush on Daniel’s cheeks.

**********************************************************************************

Johnny could tell before he even got out of bed that it was going to be a swelteringly hot day.  He woke in the early hours of the morning and couldn’t get back to sleep, the sheets sticking uncomfortably to his skin.

Eventually he got up and munched on cereal while aimlessly scrolling through Facebook on his laptop. (He had recently learnt that the box which asked him ‘What’s on your mind?’ was not a space for private thought, and that anything written in there could be seen by anyone else on Facebook. He discovered this after typing ‘How to take down Kreese and also what is cotton candy made of’ and Daniel had replied thirty seconds later with ‘You’re an idiot, Johnny’.)

As the heat continued to build Johnny took a cold shower before selecting an outfit for the day’s training.  He threw on shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt and was just about to walk out of the bedroom when the denim jacket caught his eye, crumpled up on the floor of his closet.

Maybe I’ll wear it for you sometime, LaRusso.

Johnny picked it up, and before he could change his mind he shoved it into his gym bag and headed out of his apartment.

**********************************************************************************

“Good work today everyone”, said Daniel, nodding approvingly as the students filtered out of Miyagi-Do, wiping sweat off their foreheads and glugging from water bottles.

“Yeah, getting badass”, agreed Johnny.  “Barely any pussies among you now.  Well, apart from maybe you.”  He pointed at Demetri.

The pale boy looked offended.  “Hey, what’s wrong with me?  I thought I did pretty well today!”

“You did, Demetri”, Daniel said reassuringly, patting him on the back as he left and frowning at Johnny.

Johnny just smirked and glanced towards the house, thinking longingly of the ice cold Coors Banquet waiting for him in the newly installed refrigerator.

“Hey Sensei!”

Johnny turned to see Miguel standing in front of him.

“You wanna come over to mine for dinner tonight?  My mom says you’re welcome to join us if you don’t have any other plans.”

“Not tonight, kid. I’m gonna stay here for a bit, work on some new moves with LaRusso.  But another time, yeah?”

“Yeah, of course”, said Miguel with a smile.  “See you later, Sensei.”  He started to walk out of the dojo, waving goodbye to Daniel as he went before looping an arm around Sam’s shoulders.

When the kids had left, Daniel turned to Johnny.

“You hungry?”

Johnny shrugged.  “I could eat.”

He followed Daniel into the house, allowing his eyes to trail down the other man’s petite form.  It had been a while since Johnny had seen Daniel train in anything that wasn’t a tracksuit or a gi, but due to the temperature Daniel was dressed similarly to Johnny in shorts and a sleeveless workout top.  Johnny watched as Daniel’s long legs carried him out of the yard and inside, a slight sheen of sweat glinting on the tanned skin.  Johnny bit his lip and fetched his longed for beer from the refrigerator, taking a swig.

“You want a cold one, LaRusso?” he asked.

“Do you have any beer, or in fact any form of alcohol, that isn’t a Coors Banquet?”

“No.”

“Then I’ll stick with water”, Daniel said dryly.  He turned around to start preparing the dinner and Johnny held up his middle finger behind his back.

As Daniel busied himself Johnny opened his gym bag, reaching inside and pulling out a towel to wipe the sweat off his brow.  He paused when he saw the jacket, scrunched up in the corner of the bag along with a can of deodorant and a packet of corn nuts.

Maybe I’ll wear it for you sometime, LaRusso.

Lucky me.

He took it out of the bag and pulled it on, feeling the rough denim scratch against his skin, before strutting back into the yard and sitting on the deck.  He sipped his beer as the early evening sun beat down, trying and failing to think of something that wasn’t Daniel LaRusso’s legs.

Daniel soon emerged from the house and strode over with two plates of food.  When he caught sight of Johnny he stopped mid-stride, mouth opening and closing a few times before he settled on just shaking his head.

Johnny grinned. “What?  Told you I’d wear it for you sometime, LaRusso.”

“You’re ridiculous, you know that Johnny?” said Daniel, joining Johnny on the deck and handing him a plate and cutlery.

“I’m ridiculous?  You’re the one who has a dojo in an ornamental garden.”

“What, as opposed to a more sensible location for teaching children karate, like a public park or a seedy strip mall with faulty wiring?”

Johnny ignored the jibe and poked at his dinner with a fork, wrinkling his nose in distaste.  “A salad?”  He put the bowl down.  “Think I’ll go and grab a burger.”

“Really, Johnny?  You want something hot in this heat?”

“Maybe I do”, Johnny replied, making eye contact with the smaller man.

This time the blush that bloomed on Daniel’s cheeks was definitely not a trick of the light.

After a moment Daniel coughed and looked away.  “Come on Johnny, eat your salad.  It’s good, I swear.”

Johnny pulled a face again but still speared a carrot and a lettuce leaf with his fork and popped them in his mouth, munching nosily.  As green stuff went it actually wasn’t too bad.  Not that he would ever tell Daniel that.

**********************************************************************************  

After dinner they discussed potential new moves they could teach their students for the tournament, Daniel diligently writing them all down while Johnny lounged on the deck, nursing another Coors Banquet.  (“Why don’t you just teach them that move you used on Kreese, the one that made his arms go limp?  Then we’d win no problem.” asked Johnny.  Daniel had rolled his eyes.  “Funnily enough, temporarily paralysing your opponent is considered an illegal move in a karate tournament for children.”  “But you can at least teach me, LaRusso.”  “I’m not doing that, Johnny.  You’d use it on anybody who annoyed you, which would mean practically everyone in the valley would have numb limbs.”)

Eventually Daniel put the pen down and stood up, offering a hand out to Johnny.  

“You wanna try putting some of these moves into action?”

Johnny nodded and clasped Daniel’s hand, letting the smaller man pull him up.  As he did, Johnny let his thumb rub gently over the back of Daniel’s hand for just a moment, noting with interest the slight but noticeable hitch in Daniel’s breathing as he did so.  He thought of the blush from earlier, the way the pink tinge had spread prettily across Daniel’s olive skin, and swallowed thickly.  The sensible thing would be to ignore these feelings, to push them back into the distant corner of his mind where they had been dwelling for the past three decades.  

But Johnny Lawrence was not good at doing the sensible thing.

Daniel started to warm up while Johnny did a few half-hearted stretches of his own.  Then they got into position in the middle of the yard.

“You gonna be able to move properly in that, Johnny?” asked Daniel, eyes flicking up and down Johnny’s denim clad torso.

“I can move in anything, LaRusso.  Don’t think you’ve got an advantage over me just because you’re wearing some fancy-ass designer workout gear and $300 sneakers.”

“Whatever, Johnny. You wanna start with the new set of kicks?”

They trained for about forty minutes, moving from the kicks to a new punching technique and then into some blocks (“Can’t we just keep punching?” Johnny had asked.  “’Cause you know, the best type of defence is just more offence.”  Daniel raised an eyebrow.  “That’s the winning attitude that got us into this mess to begin with.  Come on Johnny, let’s just try it my way, OK?”)  

The sun was low in the sky but it was still baking hot, and Johnny could feel the sweat running down his chest, exacerbated by the heavyweight denim.  It was worth it though.  Johnny hadn’t really planned what would happen once he’d put the jacket on, but the first time Daniel’s bare skin had come into contact with the fabric he had let out a breathy little gasp.  Johnny had then deliberately started to make sure his jacket touched Daniel whenever possible, and by the time they had worked through most of the new moves Daniel was looking dishevelled, hair unruly and falling into his eyes, skin slick with sweat, breath ragged.  He lashed out with a front kick and Johnny blocked as planned, but rather than backing off he spun Daniel around and pulled him into an embrace so the smaller man’s back was flush against his chest before dragging his jacket slowly over Daniel’s damp skin.  Daniel shuddered and let out a small whimper.  He went to move away but Johnny grabbed his wrist and pulled him back in so that they were face to face.  Johnny let go of Daniel’s wrist, moving his hand instead to the other man’s waist, letting his fingers rub over the slight swell of softness at Daniel’s middle.  

“Johnny”, Daniel breathed, voice breaking, eyes wide, leaning in just ever so slightly.

Johnny gulped.  This was dangerous territory; flirting was one thing, but they were now on the verge of something else entirely.  An image of Carmen and Miguel flashed into his mind, happily chatting away at their family meal, and he felt a sudden rush of guilt. Daniel was still staring at him with those big doe eyes, and he suspected that if he went in for a kiss the smaller man wouldn’t resist him.

Instead he stepped back, arms dropping to his sides, almost tripping over a rock as he put some distance between him and Daniel (who designs a dojo with freaking great lumps of stone in it, anyway?  And Daniel had the nerve to criticise him for being unsafe).

“Uh”, he said, throat dry, voice coming out low and scratchy.  “That was good.  I mean, good – uh – session.  With the new moves.”

Daniel just stared at him for a moment before he seemed to come to his senses.

“Uh, yeah”, he said, clearing his throat.  “Good, uh, good work Johnny.”

“Uh, yeah.  You too”, said Johnny, gesturing vaguely in Daniel’s direction.  They were both silent for a second and then they both spoke at once.

“It’s getting late, I should –”

“So I need to get back –”

They smiled tightly at each other.

“See you tomorrow, LaRusso”, Johnny said awkwardly.

“Yeah.  Tomorrow.”

Johnny fetched his stuff from the house and left by the front door, slinging his bag into the back seat of his car.  He pulled out of the driveway, glancing for a second in the rear view mirror.  Daniel stood in the doorway, watching him, an unreadable expression on his face.

At home, Johnny peeled off the denim jacket and threw it back into the closet.  He grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and drank it in one before cracking open another and sitting down in front of the TV.  He let a mindless action film wash over him until he felt his eyelids start to droop and he drifted off on the couch to dreams of long legs and big eyes and a soft New Jersey accent that just whispered Johnny, Johnny, Johnny over and over again.

[newobsessionweekly]

Flirting can drive you crazy 🌿

@remainingtouch said: hey!! i wanted to request an arón imagine ((: maybe one where you two have been flirty with eachother for a while but are both too scared to admit anything but then you finally have your first kiss?? 🥺🥺 i love what you write!

a/n: I hope it’s alright. It took me like ages to finish it and I wasn’t feeling alright today so that’s it for now. But I’ll try and write some more tomorrow. Enjoy 🌿 word count: 2.730

Arón Piper x reader🌿

You met Omar in your first year of high school. He was in the same class as your best friend back then. As the first year flew by, you tear apart from your best friend, being magnetized by all the brightness Omar emanates around him. You immediately became inseparable and, in fact, he was your first boyfriend. Nothing much happened between the two of you, maybe it would have if your family wouldn’t have been forced to move in England due to your father’s job. You haven’t talked or seen him, until one day you were walking down the street and saw a promo for some spanish Netflix series. You had to stare at that photo for minutes to realise is him. You were used to him smiling, all the photos you have together, he’s only a smile, a very dynamic person. It was strange to see him frowning, with a serious, angry expression. You realised then his dream came true and you broke your promise that you will be his date to the premiere of his first important role. He has changed in better and you no doubt what a talented actor he is. You weren’t a fan of tv series and that Netflix thing you considered useless, but you immediately created an account and binged first season in one night. You searched for his number, but you realised you lost it a long time ago. So shame of you. 

You were in Madrid for a week already and you just walked and visited all your favourite places. There aren��t many changes, but the city has developed so beautiful. You passed by the place where you had your first kiss with Omar and soon enough you were in front of the building he used to live. Used to live? Maybe he still lives there and you thought, why not, go and check. What could even go wrong? 

 As you reached the front door you realised his last name was stil on the mailbox. Your heart climb due to the excitement in your throath and you could even hear it beating. Your palms where so sweaty that you had to press the bell three times to ring properly.       

“¡Tener paciencia, ya voy!” you heard a voice behind the door and bit your bottom lip, trying to hold a stupid smile.

“Sabes que no tengo paciencia.” you responded as the door opened and you can clearly seen the hansome man. 

You both stared at each other maybe for too long, but you couldn’t say anything. How much time has passed? Almost five years have leacked without knowing anything about him. You had taken your time and stared at each other while from inside, curious eyes were searching the two of you. You could recognise those people, Polo, Ander, Guzmán, Nadia, Lu, this guy you didn’t remembered his name and Carla.  

“¡Joder!” he was in shock. Maybe it was a bad idea to show up at his door so suddently.

“What, little star? You forgot your first girfriend?” you laughed at him as on his face started to grow an imense smile. That’s the Omar you knew and missed so much. 

“You came back!” he exclaimed, opening his arms.

“And you waited!” as you jumped in his arms and welcomed his tight hug, you made eye contact with the actor that plays Ander. Joder, these people are looking even hotter in real life, starting with Omar and finishing with thig guy.

Omar invited you in and while he clossed the door, you searched the room and you found that he still has the photo with the two of you from the concert of your favourite band. Everyone was looking strangely at you until someone breake the silence.

“I tought we were supposed to be just us.” the blonde guy with a lot of freckles on his face spoke first.

“I could go and come back later if you want.” you responded, but Omar moved his hand and reduced you to silence.

“This is (y/n) and is the best friend I could ever ask for.” he smiled and everyone was looking at you, but you were hipnotised only by the curly headed one, with the brown sweet eyes and a “bad ass” expression. “And you, señorita, have the chance to meet in person the most important cast of Élite.” he was joking, of course, but presented you to everyone and you kissed cheeks with them. 

“We were about to watch the second season of Élite. Wanna join? After that you could stay the night and tell me everything.” Omar rubbed your back then sat on the floor, in front of the couch. You sat beside him, and rested your head on his shoulder.

Two episodes later, you were so caught in the action that you didn’t realised your position. At some point Arón parted his legs and set a pillow between them so you could rest your head. Omar looked suspiciously at you, but why would he? He raised his eyebrow at Arón before he walked to the window and lighted a cigarette. Well you knew he was smoking in the series, but not in real life. You must admit, he looks damn hot while doing that.

“What? I saved your puta hombro! I couldn’t see properly because of her head!” you laughed at his words and stretched a little. That floor was uncomfortable.

“¡Joder! Amigos, I have a photoshoot in half an hour! I gotta go!” Miguel announced as he grabbed his stuff and ran out the door.

Danna had to leave as well because she has a date with Jorge, the one that plays Valerio. Mina, Ester and Álvaro founded excuses to leave and Iztan left after the first episode.

Just you, Omar and Arón remained and opened a bottle of wine to the all the good and the bad times you’ve been through, but without each other.

“So, England, huh? Very strange people those britains.” Arón smiled before he took a sip from the red vine.

“They are, indeed! I couldn’t stand them anymore. I dropped Oxford and came back home!” you proudly answered the unspoken question.

“You dropped Oxford?” Omar asked you, visibly shocked. “That was your dream!”

“Are you nuts or something?” Arón asked then turned to Omar “¿Está loca?”

“I’m not crazy, thank you very much. But I’m home sick, alright? Even though I had my parents there, I couldn’t fit in. My heart was in Spain and I just couldn’t leave all my life here like it never happened.”

“Speaking of, you remember that bar you liked very much but closed after the end of the ninth grade?” you nodded. “It opened a few months ago and it’s magnificent!” you missed that apartament, you missed the round table, you missed the urban agglomeration and hearing Omar speaking spanish. Right now it felt like heaven.

“We should totally go there, like the old times!” you used to go there every day, eat a lot of fried potatoes and talk for hours about everything and nothing actually.

“Totally. Also, there’s a new coffee shop that I think you would adore. She’s an coffee addict.” Omar informed Arón laughing.

“Where is it?” your eyes shined. You indeed liked coffee very much. 

“I can actually show you. Are you free tomorrow?” the voice came from Arón and it was unexpected. 

“Are you asking me out?” you had a devilish smile on your face. 

“For God sake, you women! No, don’t get too excited. I’ll get you to drink the best coffee of your life! This place beats Starbucks’ ass so bad!” he seemd into this subject, maybe you had some things in common.

----------

As you established, the next day at noon Arón was there waiting for you. You stared too many minutes inside your closet, nothing seemd suitable for this date. Is it a date? Well, the other day you definetly flirted with each other. Omar told you he never saw Arón this way. You could say he’s an introvert, and a little shy, but did a brave move. When you finally picked a blue flourished dress, was already three minutes after the hour you decided to left home and get there in time. And because you put make up on and erased it two times made thirty minutes fly away. So when you left, you were already 5 minutes late. 

“I’m so sorry I’m late, I overslept!” you lied, of course. You didn’t want him to believe you get over your head because of this meeting.

“For a moment I thought you won’t show up.” he let the smoke come out from him moth as he extinguished his cigarette. You found him standing at a table outside, scrolling through his phone. He was wearing something simple, a t-shirt and some blue jeans, but he managed to look incredible. Even God love’s what is beautiful. You could tell this man is kissed by the Aphrodite, the Goddess of beauty herself.   ”All these insecurities are from that german blood? Because I know something about spanish people, we are damn confident! And people of word!” you sat down afront him and let your phone on the table.

“Someone did some research, I see.” in fact you did some research and stalked him on Instagram.

“How could I not? You are a hard to forget type! Anyway I couldn’t find much about you, only unnecessarily basics.” you were honest, because you are trying to gain his trust and friendship.

“I think we are on the same page here. All I know is your name and that you are a damn confident and direct person. Oh, and a woman of word, of course.” The waiter came with your orders and interrupted your conversation, but as he moved around you, clearing the ashtray for Arón, you were looking into the menu considering ordering maybe a muffin. But when you looked up,the waiter was already gone, and Arón was looking at you.  

“I’m starting to think you’re obsessed with me.” you breake the silence, but never look away from his side. 

“In that outfit, who wouldn’t be?” he winked at you.

“So you that’s how you addmit you were staring at me?” you caught his sight while you bit your bottom lip and did’t retire.

“Well, you obviously caught me doing that, but guess what, you were staring too.” his tongue override his lips.  That was true, both of you were staring at eatch other, but how could you not stare at this handsome man? He stretched his back to get you back from your thoughts before he spoke. “There’s a small party saturday at some club in the centre, maybe I’ll see you there. Now, I’m sorry, but I have to go for a shooting.” he grabbed his phone and got up, but before he passed you stopped. You stood up as well and he initiate a hug. You were surprised, but when he whispered “It was nice to see you, beautiful!” you frozed. That was so nice of him, shame of you because you couldn’t say a thing. -------- Saturday you spent almost all day figuring out what you should wear and what kind of party is that. Two days ago you spent with Omar his birthday and had so much fun together. You haven’t told him about Arón’s invitation, however without telling him much about what happened, he still gave you strange looks. So this time you made sure to left the house and get there in time. You knew the club, but you didn’t knew how to find him, thus you find your way through the entrance where you find a man. “Name.” he said warely. You frowned. Was that a joke? Maybe Arón made fun of you and invited you to some party where couldn’t even get passed the door. The anger started to spread into your body along with the cold. Though Spain is a warm country is still spring and the nights are still not warm enough. 

“(y/n)” you responded. “Arón Piper knows I’m coming.” you thought the best option was to say the name of someone famous. “I mean, he doesn’t know I’m coming, but he invited me.” you begin to stutter and say nonsenses.  “Sure... wait a minute.” he was suspicious, you can tell. After he came back, he wasn’t alone. Arón followed the man outside and he faced a bright smile at the sight of you.  “You came!” he grabbed your hand and he led you to a table where everyone was looking strangely at you. Just as the first time. The only difference is that you knew their name this time.

“¡Hola!” you smiled at them wile you sat down next to Omar.

“What are you doing here?” he’s doesn’t mean to be rude, but it was a surprise for him to see you there. A good one.

“Arón invited me.” you shrugged.

“Strange, he didn’t mention a thing though. He’s kinda reserved when it comes to private things, like his birthday.” ha looked at you then sip from his cocktail.

“Yeah, he is very reserved.” you mumbled.

The fact that Arón didn’t tell you it was his birthday, made you uncomfortable. You shouldn’t be here. As Omar said, he is very reserved and a birthday party is for family and friends, and you were none of them. You searched the room and found Arón coming towards the table. You stood up quickly and stopped him.

“Why haven’t you told me is your birthday?” you confronted him.

“Well hello, Beautiful. What’s with that frowning?” he ignored your question as he handed you a drink.

“I didn’t get you anything!” you insisted. Well, actually he didn’t need anything from you because he can buys himself more than you could ever thought of. He put his drink and yours on the table then reached for you hand.

“That’s fine because I just need one thing from you.” he made his way towards the dance floor, still holding your hand.

What would he possibly need from you? You had milions of thoughts and questions running through your mind, but he erased them all when he grabbed your waist and urged you to do the same.

“You look very beautiful tonight.” he screamed over the music, before you could tell anything.

“You didn’t look bad yourself!” you smiled at him. Arón was stearing at your lips as you talked. “So what was that thing you needed?”

“Kiss me.” that came out of nowhere, he knew that too.

“What?”

“Kiss me, hermosa!”

You looked him questioning all the posibilities. He’s trying to make fun of you right now? Does he really want that? As you got stuck on your mind, he leaned towards you, but you could tell he’s too afraid to do something. You both stood there in the middle of the dance floor with your foreheads pressed and with eyes closed.

“You know,” he started and you smelled some cigarette mixed with alcohol and mint. It doesn’t smell bad at all. “I am very good at flirting, that’s why I’m so confident doing that,” you couldn’t agree more. You observed that, he’s a cocky guy when it comes to the things that he’s good at, and ¡Joder! he’s good at many things. “But when it comes to kiss a pretty girl, it’s more complicated, you know. I’m afraid not to mess things up.”

He’s talking nonsense. You rubbed you nose to his and made the bravest move you’ve ever done. You pressed your lips to his and smiled. He smiled too and kissed with so much desire, you were shocked. He’s a very sweet person when he’s not wearing that “bad ass” attitude. As you distanced from the kiss, he looked deeply in your eyes.

“I wanted to do that since the day one.” he laughed a little and smiled at you. He admired you on the dance floor long enough then he went for the drinks you abandoned on the table. Arón was the life of the party all night. He danced, he sang and was so happy, that you couldn’t stop smiling. You had the chance to met this amazing man and even kiss him, you were indeed grateful. Omar stood by your side and glanced at you two all night, but he was happy too.

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 2 - “Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk” - Joshua (through Autumn)

I hate flag-making challenges. I will not be helpful at all, and I hope that someone else can take the reigns and lead us to victory. I honestly feel safe going into a tribal council, but I do not want to test that theory.

Next morning

With Chips and Jules working on the crest designs, I feel confident that we will do well in the challenge. Maybe not the best, but definitely not the worst. I still have the same anxious feeling that my tribe is not active enough for my taste, but I will just have to live with it for now. Besides, at least this is not immunity because that we increase my anxiety by so much. But, I keep forgetting to search the idol hunt which is my bad, but it is just so hard and long that I do not really feel like searching all the time lol

ART CHALLENGE <333 i love these challenges. Jess made my picture 110% better and its super cute. The note that she wrote with it is also hella cute and I love the whole HP aesthetics bc i never got to go to real hogwarts ;-; but i'm sure most of yall can related. The boys weren't too helpful but nick was better than jacob who is sick. Nick was way more active aka jacob said 3 sentences the entire challenge sooooo…. if we lose idk I might just save jacob anyways bc pregame relations.

Won reward, but now we have to win immunity again. I really hope that this reward helps us continue to survive. I don't want to have to vote anyone out. We've been getting first, but I really just want to survive this challenge, its known to be hard.

I think I have been stuck with the second most challenge inept tribe in the history of my ORG career. I literally said so many answers in my version of the story and Jules just fucked it up. And then they got the girl's name wrong. And then they started mixing up characters. I know I did well, but fuck these people. God. Now we need a tribe to get 0 which is very unlikely. I will just resign myself to tribal. I hope and pray that these people have some common sense and do not want to vote me out

Listen. Listen. Listen. I dang knew this story was going to be Harry Potter based. I knew in my brain and in my heart that I shouldn’t have been the one to start that thing. What do I do? Start the dang thing. Oh well. We did alright. I would be shocked if we won tho but if we don’t I’ll be relieved. I def don’t feel confident enough but I really had a lot of fun with my tribe. I really miss this and really hope that my time isn’t cut short! I feel really good about my tribe mates sincerely. And that’s kind of scary! I would hate to see any of us to go and how it’s going to affect the bond we have if we vote someone out. In this moment with Max sitting out, it may be him who goes if we go to tribal. I hope that isn’t the case. I’ve got my fingers crossed for us. Huff Puff strong!

Honestly Jules dropped the ball sis!! But it’s okay, I love her. She’s really nice and I know she tried her best. Plus she’s in an alliance with me and Owen, so we should have the numbers against Joanna or Miguel if we go to tribal. Personally, I’d prefer Joanna to go. She’s kinda domineering, but she’s also an asset in challenges thus far. She is organized and direct. I’ve also talked to her a bit more than Miguel, so I guess I don’t really care who goes.

I’m happy I didn’t fuck up the reward comp and the shit that I drew got us a win!

I really hope I don't bomb that challenge, I answered everything that Kevin talked to me about.... I think!  The rest of them tried very hard but I am SOOO glad that I asked to do my part at the end because my memory of repeating things is horrendous but I'm usually pretty good at bullshitting test answers... too bad I got some of the multiple choice stuff wrong.

I think that if we do lose I am still in a good spot on this tribe and hopefully I won't be in danger.  I feel like I'm on everyone's good side and Max kind of just disappeared so maybe we could just vote him out this round? Idk.

Hopefully we don't have to worry about it.  I smell a swap coming up pretty soon and I just hope I'm either with Owen or with some of the people from my tribe.  I have no idea if they know anyone or are close with anyone in the other houses.

I'm still feeling the closest to Lily and Kevin but I have been talking to Landen a good bit too these days so hopefully we'll be safe or we can all just agree on Max.

16 minutes later

OOOOOH IS LANDEN PAVING THE WAY FOR A MOVE TO SEND MAX PACKING???

He just told me that me, lily and kevin are precious angels that must be protected and that he likes Max when he's around too so that sounds like something... HMMM...

I can't get cocky, I always go home when I get cocky. But I like this.

my host chat saw this first (shout-out to Drewie and Dennis): Y’all I’m an idiot. I thought I only knew 2 people in this game (Owen and chips). Then I remembered I also know Jess, Autumn, and dan. Literally love and respect each of you my brain just don’t got the strongest memory no more. I’m so sorry!!!! I literally just told landen I only know 2 ppl. I’m just gonna try to not remember it happened.

Ugh.....I need to get it together.

I love my tribe talking to each other now that we have to!! Everyday I'm like damn either I'm on the bottom or I'm not the only one with piss poor social game. Ok so... the moment the hosts said we got 1 point, I started getting ready for tribal lmaaaooo. No sense crying over it either because all the tribes basically just had to show up in order to beat that

Like how could we not go to tribal with a score of ONE? That shit's embarrassing hahaha. That's like when your teacher passes the test back to everyone sitting around you but not you so you KNOW it's bad. But you know what? It's all good cause I'd rather us take the L now and get it out the way and we can all laugh about it cause losing won't be funny after long. The real question is: will Gryffindor do this the easy way or the hard way caaauusse we all know who the weakest link is. I just wanna see if someone puts two and two together without my prodding. Chips already said we voting together right and I'm like yes sir. There's no better place than being on the same page

WE WON OMG!! Jules basically gave me nothing, which is fine, i understand, but i'm so impressed that we pulled that off. Absolutely killing these reward challenges really helps!

"Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk."

Tonight we learned Joshua is a feminist selfless man that I stan because he's volunteering to go home without me having to put his name out, which I was going to do. Like imagine if every guy had that kind of self-awareness, to recognize why he should be the vote and then embrace it instead of wreaking havoc. And wanting to see others succeed more than yourself? King shit! He knew when to hang it up and did just that. Like the number of times I've seen a vote get complicated for no fucking reason because everyone wants a fight to the death. Enough- I'm old, tired, and cannot exert too much energy at once. We got a long game ahead of us, not to mention quarantine. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you Joshua. We need more players like you and I appreciate your service

im back back BACK AGAIN with another confessional! not much has changed but a few updates for the sake of these being required :) 1. max has become even more inactive, he's not reached out to me personally since the first day and any time i messaged him after that he's sent me nothing back that i can build a convo off of, so we just have stopped speaking. Luckily this challenge only required four people and everyone else SHOWED UP!! or at least spoke about their availability, while he did not. However in his defense he said he was having some issues at home and i feel for him but his inability to connect has been an issue before he spoke about anything in our tribe chat with us. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but this point my relationships with the other 3 are leaps and bounds ahead of where I am at with Max. Maybe he can pick up some speed if we continue winning challenges but, it's not looking too hot. SPEAKING OF CHALLENGES, well first we lost reward AGAIN, but we won immunity.. AGAIN! thank goodness for not being first or second boot, i always love being able to avoid these early tribals and if i can get to a swap without seeing one that would be ideal, but also if we do go and maybe vote out max? wouldn't be the worst thing. Moral of the story we won and thats exciting! however.. if we didn't.. the first big push of strategic talk came up with landen when he hinted at being frustrated with max's lack of presence which I also share. I do believe if we lost me and landen could have most definitely picked up ruthie and lily to form a four against him, if he even came to tribal. That would be my ideal situation and if we continue on this tribes hopefully it gives me a nice cushion to fall on if we do lose so i dont have to entirely blow up my social game within the first few rounds by voting out someone i've built a connection with. If max can go and the remaining four hufflepuffs can make a swap I would feel good about that, and maybe in the right circumstances we could work together on the swapped tribes because i genuinely like all of these people (yes max too but in this specific scenario he wouldn't be included bc... well..) anyways to close this off i still absolutely ADORE lily, she is fun and our conversations are really good, and same goes for ruthie, hopefully i dont have to see either of them or myself go home before we can really start playing because i think we could do some damage. :) ok anyways this was longer than i thought it would be goodbye

I'm still not over the fact that I was able to answer 7 of those questions right. I have the memory of a plastic fork.  I also love that we are SAFE!

I do kind of hope things get spicy and we swap this round and become two tribes of 9. That'd be cute. I don't want VI to get bored and crack on me. BUT ALSO I think I have solid enough relationships with almost everyone on this tribe... so who knows?!

Also... these hoes really out here trying to search for an idol in PUBLIC. IN PUBLIC. WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON HERE?

Dear diary, seems like we keep winning challenges, which is great but tbh i feel like every time i give a disadvantage to my team because english is not my first Language, and so far its been a vocabulary test and a listening and speaking test. I mean I knew I signed up for school but damn. Give me some macarena  or drinking tequila challenge and I'll crush it

bippity boppity boo im back again with almost no content kdfasjhdskjfh

Ravenclaw working smarter and we keep winning, period!!! Thankful that y'all put Dan and I together....bc truly we will be unstoppable in these competitions. I kind of want to lose soon though to see how things would shake out, but I don't really have bad blood with anyone. Joanna seems passionate enough in the tribe chat and the challenges, even if she's dry in PMs. Miguel still won't give me anything other than a "how are you," but I hope the best for him in life lol

Still love Jules and Dan, and we made a three person alliance, but I haven't talked with either of them much one on one since it happened.... I really need to step the social game up eventually, but right now, I'm coasting, and maybe that's what I need before I find the time and resources in this game to strike!!

The idol hunt is hard but Dan seems onto something. Honestly he's gonna be a big threat sooner or later so he's sticking around as long as I can keep him! The last two games I've been in I've seen "goats" get dragged to the end and locked in final 3 positions, and then these perceived goats have ended up winning. so I want the big players in this game to rise to the top and fight it out in the end!

let’s say i am como we dice.. fed up with a lot :flushed: a lot meaning joshua starting to get on my nerves a bit! he’s genuinely sweet n all but.. the way he complained about us losing by putting down others work HHH pissed me off. which is why i will be voting him out hehe.. but so far my misting has worked because no one wants to vote me out! mwah

Slytherin killed the memory challenge. We thought we were all gonna flop bc all of us thought we sucked at memory stuff. um well we knocked it out of the park? Ravenclaw got 4 and huff/gryff got 1. We got 7 so oops. I do hope things turn out well for Gryffindor but no one I really know/care about is in that house so I'm not too worried. I hope they continue to lose or even hufflepuff since ravenclaw has 2 of my friends in it.

I have been TERRIBLE with confessionals but only because there's really not been much going on? I have an alliance with Dan and Owen, and even though I wrote off Joanna I was DEFINITELY wrong in doing that. Miguel is sort of the outlier. Our team is kinda iconic though? We've done so well on all the challenges. I might be the weakest link? More to come.

it's pretty sad but the whole tribe has agreed to vote max if we lose, basically he's just never around because of what's going on at home and like thats sad but... we gotta do what we gotta do *shrug*. I'm really feeling good about Hufflepuff moving forward, i've never bonded this much this easily with EVERYONE on a tribe and i just feel like if we keep winning or even if we lose and have to vote out max, we could be a great group for the future. especially i feel great about working with kevin, we dominated eve's game after eve came between us in 2020 that dastardly witch... :P (juuust kiddin. love ya!) but now we could totally do well in this game too i think.....

lily and ruthie are just so sweet and we really bond talking about pretty much anything,, especially lily is a great conversationalist and i just find it so natural to talk to them both. i'd love to work with any combination of people from hufflepuff in the future, hopefully i start sucking a little less at all these challenges. i think i did pretty great on memory :D

So here is the summary of what has happened since last time

We had a reward challenge that was drawing. Mine sucked. Apparently 3/4 so no reward.

We played Telephone. My team didnt realize that details are the most important parts of that and didnt share then with Autumn so Autumn didnt share them with me. Then I didnt know them when asked about them.

We scored 1 point and lost. Since I still have no alliance I'm scared that it could be me. So I kind of got an idea how everyone was feeling.

Juls let me know she wanted to vote Joshua and- it's not me so that's fine!

Then I was talking to Autumn about it and - OOP! Josh asked to be voted out. So unless he plays an idol I'm supposing he is leaving after asking to go.

woo my tribe won immunity!! we are safe! i’m glad bc i’m forming good relationships with ppl on my tribe. i think we all get along rly well so i hope we keep winning. the challenge was fun and i slayed bc i’m skinny mwah

Ya know what’s refreshing? Being on a tribe that actually wins!!! The last three games I’ve played I’ve been on flop ass starting tribes.

Now we’ll lose every challenge

10 minutes later

This sickening bitch just found a hidden immunity idol!!!! Good until f6 L A D I E S!!!!!!

HI BARBS SO I WAS GROUNDED SO I MISSED THE CHALLENGE BUT MY HUFFLEPUFF BABS SLAYED SM SO IM LIVING

CONFESSIONAL 2.1 —

Not much strategy has happened this episode, just simply tribal bonding! We are SlytherWINNING, getting reward and immunity this time! How wonderful.

Regarding my tribe mates, I love all three. I pray, pray, pray we make swap, i do Noh want to be a dirty bad guy and have to vote one out.. yet. Haha.

I was drunk during immunity, one full glass of rum & coke, so I am shocked that we won immunity. Honestly, I feel silly admitting I was drunk to my tribe because... if I can do that when drunk, imagine if I was sober. Competition Beast, duh.

I also gave up my run this round for the tribe to use. Was partially social, partially I just do not understand how to do the Hunt, so I might as well help the greater good. Either way, it comes off positively.

Hoping for a smooth journey for a little longer!

x nick

Joshue has basically quit at this point so I have no fear going into tribal

[audiofixationnews]

#OverloadMonday: Cardi B, The Weeknd + More Deliver New Music

Here's some overload for your Monday blues. Check out what went down this past week, March 26th to April 1st.

Singles

After dropping a surprise track with XXXTentacion and a tribute joint for Biggie, Joey Bada$$ just keeps the new music coming. Now he’s released a remix of YBN Nahmir’s “Bounce Out With That.” Listen above, and check out Joey Bada$$ on IDK’s “Lil Arrogant” with Russ.

I’ll just add another highlight because… well, I just can.

Apple | TIDAL | Spotify

After she announced the release date of her debut album, scroll down, Cardi B has dropped single. “Be Careful,” serves as her third single off her album and shows a different side of Cardi. If you liked Queen Cardi singing on Ozuna’s “La Modelo,” then here you go. She balances rapping and singing over a soft beat in “Be Careful.” Listen above and stay plugged for more updates.

For weekly releases, Chris Rivers and GodBodyWati are keeping their Wednesday series afloat.

A$AP Rocky has now linked up with BlocBoy JB in his newest single, “Bad Company.”

After a week of straight new releases, A Boogie dropped his first single of his upcoming sophomore album. Check out “Nonchalant” featuring Alkaline, as well as his other new releases.

Ne-Yo drops another single from his upcoming Good Man. This past week he released “Push Back,” which features Bebe Rexha and Stefflon Don.

Future season is fast approaching as he delivers his newest joint “Absolutely Going Crazy.”

N.O.R.E. dropped some new music, a remix to his “Uno Más,” featuring Pharrell, Miguel, Wiz Khalifa and J Alvarez.

We also got new music from Thutmose, Young Buck x Twanee, Sam Smith x Logic, and Lil Durk x Ty Dolla $ign x PND.

Big Shaq recruits Busta Rhymes for a full studio version of “Mans Not Hot."

Forever M.C. returns with a new joint, “School,” featuring Lupe Fiasco, Talib Kweli, Rozewood, and Hus Kingpin.

Ty Dolla $ign recruited Gucci Mane and Quavo for his latest single, “Pineapple." What’s better than Hip Hop Beef? R&B Beef that is! Eric Bellinger takes shots - more like a whole cannon ball - at Tory Lanez in “Yikes.”

We also heard some new music from Blu and Nottz, “Yesterday,” who also have a new-ish project on the way.

Rich The Kid went after Lil Uzi Vert in “Dead Friends:” Spotify, Apple.

And while we just entered April, Wiz Khalifa is already celebrating “4.20” with a freestyle.

Visuals

SZA, baby - yass! The TDE leading lady has dropped yet another visual treatment off her debut album CTRL. Watch it above, and stay plugged for a very special CTRL feature.

While prepping for a joint release with Chris Brown (Angels & Demons), Joyner Lucas is still on his solo tip. He certainly doesn’t shy away from controversy, with his recent release of “Frozen” that head on confronts the issue of texting and driving and driving under the influence. While the video is a bit disturbing, it’s the hard truth that aids to the song’s message. Check out the visual for “Frozen,” and listen to the song via Spotify. 

“Framed” is Eminem’s next single to highlight from Revival, following suit from “River,” “Walk on Water,” and “Nowhere Fast.” With this new visual treatment, Em drops a horror-filled trailer with him escaping an asylum. There’s much more so check it out, and stay plugged for the full video.

Trae Tha Truth reverts back to Tha Truth Pt. 3 to release his latest video. Dedicated to his late friend Money Clip D, Trae watches home videos and visits his grave in the emotional visual treatment for “Can’t Get Close.” 

We got new videos from Tyler, The Creator, Shy Glizzy, Trill Sammy x Slim Jxmmi, and Thutmose.

A Tribe Called Quest have released their final music video, “The Space Program.” It features cameos from Erykah Badu, Alicia Keys, Pharrell, Vince Staples, Talib Kweli, Common, Questlove, and plenty more. Directed by Warren Fu, the visual serves as a tribute to Phife Dawg. Exclusively on Apple Music, check it out if you can.

YG can be found on new videos with Belly and Arin Ray.

With Joyride on the way, Tinashe releases her debut album’s first visual treatment for “Me So Bad,” which features Ty Dolla $ign and French Montana. 2 Chainz linked up with YG and Offset to release a new video for his “Proud” joint that stars each of their very own mothers.

We also got new visuals from Snoop Dogg x Charlie Wilson, Preme x Lil Wayne, Maxo Kream, and Phora.

Projects

Apple | Spotify | TIDAL

The Weeknd dropped a surprise EP, My Dear Melancholy. The 6-track project is reminiscent of early-Weeknd (“Gone,” “House of Balloons”) that has everybody gong crazy right now. Rumored to drop more projects in the next few weeks, check out My Dear Melancholy. Also check out two videos he’s just realized via Spotify: “Try Me” and “Call Out My Name."

Chief Keef released the fifth installment of his The Leek tape series. The 17-track project is featureless, following the fourth installment that dropped earlier this month: Apple | TIDAL | Spotify.

Birdman has released the Cash Money Before Anythang soundtrack. The 18-track album features the likes of Snoop Dogg, Jacquees, Gucci Mane, Migos, Young Thug and plenty more: Apple + Spotify.

Rich the Kid has finally dropped his debut album, The World Is Yours. The 14-track album features the likes of Kendrick Lamar, Offset, Swae Lee, Trippie Red and more. Check it out: Apple, Spotify, & TIDAL. 

Styles P recently announced an upcoming project, Nickel Bag. He took to Instagram to unveil the artwork and official tracklist. The five-track EP features Dyce Payne, Flowboy Vegas, and Whispers. Just a couple days after, Styles P drops the project and man… you just gotta hear it: Apple, DatPiff & TIDAL.

Coming Soon...

Queen Cardi has finally revealed details on her debut album. About damn time! She took to Instagram to share the cover of her upcoming Invasion of Privacy, which is set to release April 6th. It was also announced that she has signed to Quality Control’s management division, joining her Migos and Lil Yachty.

Also set to release this Friday, April 6th, is Kali Uchis (Isolation), Khary (Captain), and Flatbush Zombies (Vacation in Hell).

Blu and Nottz are back at it! The dynamic duo have a joint album on the way. The collab is a joining of their ’13 EP Gods in the Spirit and their ‘16 Titans in the Flesh. As a full-length album, it will all be remastered as well as the tracklist restructured. Gods in the Spirit, Titans in the Flesh is set to release April 13th and is available for pre-order.

Weeks after announcing her debut album, Joyride, Tinashe has now revealed more details. Coming in at 13 tracks, the album will feature the likes of Offset, Ty Dolla $ign, French Montana, Little Dragon and Future. Hear it on April 13th.

Consisting of Gucci Mane, Lil Yachty and Migos, the Glacier Boyz have a joint project on the way. Gucci Mane took to Instagram to announce the release date: “Ice Ice Baby #GlacierBoyz April 13.” Shortly after, Gucci should be releasing his solo album, The Evil Genius.

Ne-Yo’s upcoming album, Good Man, is set to release June 8th. With some singles already dropped - scroll up for one - the album will feature the likes of 2 Chainz, Stefflon Don, PARTYNEXTDOOR, Romeo Santos, Eric Bellinger, and Bebe Rexha.

Linkin Park member, Mike Shinoda, recently announced that he is gearing up for a solo debut release June 15th. Post Traumatic will consist of 16 tracks, and he shared one - “Crossing A Line.:”

“It’s a journey out of grief and darkness, not into grief and darkness. If people have been through something similar, I hope they feel less alone. If they haven’t been through this, I hope they feel grateful.”

Post Traumatic is available for pre-order/pre-save.

Check This

After becoming a Kennedy Center honoree, LL Cool J now launches a new radio station on SiriusXM that’s dedicated to classic Hip Hop. Here’s what he had to say while celebrating the show’s launch: "If you wanna be a fly on the wall in the world of classic Hip Hop, SiriusXM’s ‘Rock the Bells Radio’ is for you. It’s where fans can come and be immersed in the music, the culture, the energy and the history of classic Hip Hop. We’re gonna have great artists, legendary artists, lyricists, superstars, sex symbols. This is the place to be if you want uncut, raw, pure, classic Hip Hop, but there’s one catch, it's strictly for OGs."“Strictly for OGs” comes to no surprise, as LL has in the past talked down about this new era of Hip Hop artists. If you have SiriusXM, catch LL Cool J on channel 43.

“The Roc’s in the building”

Jay-Z sat down with David Letterman and discussed the art of rapping as well as praised Eminem and Snoop Dogg. In a preview of Letterman’s “My Next Guest Needs No Introduction” Netflix series, Hov’s interview clearly focuses more on Hip Hop but also spans other topics such as President Cheetos, Kanye West, and Jay-Z family. The episode is set to release on Netflix April 7th, but catch the preview above. 

Following his latest album, Heartbreak On a Full Moon, Chris Brown has announced that he will be heading out on a 27-city tour along with 6LACK, H.E.R., and Rich the Kid (select dates). Check out the full date list.

Afropunk Festival has announced their lineup and they pulled together an impressive list. The two-day festival will take place in Brooklyn, August 25th, and 26th. It will host the likes of Badu, Miguel, Tyler, The Creator, Jaden & Willow Smith and plenty more, You can check out the full line up above, and get your tickets over at Afropunk’s website. Get more details here.

Stay plugged

That sums up this past week in Hip Hop. Come back next week for more.

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, week thirty-seven

Complaining about songs I didn’t have to listen to, specifically the songs which debuted on the Billboard charts the week of 20 September 1997, 22 September 2007, and 23 September 2007

9.20.1997

50) "On My Own," by Peach Union

The whole song, I was thinking, "You know, this is pretty Eurotrashy, but it's not as awful as most of what I've had to endure. There's a lot of awful elements, don't get me wrong, but on the whole, I don't mind it!" And then it turned out that this group is British! That makes sense. I, an American, would of course find the music of Britain more accessible than the music from other European countries. British dance music is basically Sarah McLachlan with record scratches.

60) "Me and My Crazy World," by Lost Boyz

I was promised a fun "day in the life" song, something in the vein of "It Was a Good Day." What I got was some dude or group of dudes saying they somehow brought two dates to the same dance -- oh no! Their attempts to make it our of the night with neither girl wise to his schemes will surely make for some grand comedy! "She thought that I'm some clown nigga she can scream on and talk to/I had to run her down the line this ain't no walk through/Now who the fuck you think you talkin to chick/Your complaining's makin' me sick." YOU CHEATED ON HER, YOU AWFUL AWFUL MAN! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. THIS IS NO WAY TO THINK. Shit. I mean, shit! Just a light-hearted song, and suddenly you're tryna yell at her because you want a side piece. Absolute fuck is wrong with you.

68) "Avenues," by Refugee Camp All-Stars ft./Pras (w/Ky-mani)

Enh. I like the sample, but it's hard to imagine anything about this song sticking with me longerthan it takes to finish this sentence. Something about avenues? Yeah this is kinda nothing.

90) "The Way That You Talk," by Jagged Edge ft./Da Brat & JD

'90s R&B where the group of dudes wanna fuck me >>>>>>>>>>>> '90s R&B where dudes pledge their devotion and vow to protect me so that they can fuck me later.

9.22.2007

71) "No One," Alicia Keys

I remember being a little put off by this song, just because I had watched "You Don't Know My Name" and "If I Ain't Got You" hella times on vh1 (I used to throw vh1 and MTV on in the morning before school because that's when they played music videos) and this was so different from those songs, but listening to this song now, I'm very angry that young Bob! robbed me of at least a few months of enjoying this song. This is amazing. It's still a weird song, I have no actual musicwords to back this I just always associate Alicia Keys with "intricate piano balladry" and it's my fault for never letting that bias go, but just the way the chorus escalates each time, the way she's proclaiming every single time that her love is undying is SO GOOD. Alicia Keys, man, she's a phenomenal songwriter. I can't think of anything she's made which I find disagreeable. I even stand with "Another Way to Die."

79) "Don't Blink," Kenny Chesney

"it is sad when old so young before you're old!" ~kennald chsenald

85) "Gimme More," Britney Spears

...You're right. When I thought this week was a clinch to win, I forgot that mid-aughts Britney was the least interesting Britney. I don't have a lot of love for dance-pop Britney. Or, if I'm being real, non-"Hit Me Baby (One More Time)" Britney. I don't know why I was excited for this song. It's not good! It's as bad, if not worse, than the average '90s Eurotrash song, it just has that brand name attached that made me forget for a second it was grating and repetitive and needlessly dark and Timbalandly over-the-top. What even is that interlude with all the dude voices just going "oh" for ten seconds. The track ends with the producer saying, "The unstoppable Danja. You gon' have to remove me 'cuz I ain't goin' nowhere." Danja hasn't had a major hit since 2009 and was last heard producing a universally panned DJ Khaled song. Congratulations, Danja, you played yourself? Is that, am I saying that right? Eh, fuck it, I'm about to admit I enjoyed a Good Charlotte song again.

88) "I Don't Wanna Be in Love (Dance Floor Anthem)," Good Charlotte

My headcanon is that Panic! At the Disco heard this song, considered what ill they had wrought, and decided to drop the ! and pretend they were the Beatles until they could be sure they couldn't influence something like this. I mean, you isolate it from the brand name, this is a solid dance-punk jam. It's over-the-top in all the right ways, I was shouting along with the chorus even in the peak "GOOD CHARLOTTE AREN'T REAL PUNKERS" days, and it's a sad song without trying to be profound about it. "You feel like shit, so dance it out!" this song says, and that's an agreeable message! But also Good Charlotte yelps the line "He was dedicated/By most suckas hated/That girl was fine but she didn't appreciate him" and if you're not embarrassed by that you need to think about the person you are in this moment. “By most suckas hated.” I’m being charitable by transcribing the line as if Joel Madden didn’t say ‘sucker.’ Criminy.

93) "Shawty Is a 10," The-Dream ft./Fabolous

this song is a 6 OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ...Is what I was GOING to say before I heard this song, which is refreshing! I found the way he pronounced "ten" unacceptable until I saw that the song was originally called "Shawty is Da Shit!" and now I only find it irksome, the lyrics are kinda enh, but that is a breezy summer day of a beat if I've ever heard one, Fabolous drops his best verse of 2007 so far, and The-Dream isn't nearly as nothing as I remember him being. Just a nice song about hot girls. Nothing to complain about, no sir.

94) "Fall," Clay Walker

"Doin' this and doin' that/Always puttin' yourself last/A whole lotta give and not enough take" ...I know there's no way for this song to be about what I just wanted it to be about and I'm angry that I let myself hope for better. "Fall/Go on and fall apart/Fall into these arms of mine/I'll catch you every time you/Fall" I'm so angry I thought this would be the song about a country dude agreeing to be an unselfish lover and eat out his girlfriend. Nope. He just wants her to cry in his arms so he can have her at his lowest moment and help build her back up so she'll continue associating "feeling better" with "being with him" and continue to blow him. I DARE one of these country dudes to make a song bragging about how good they are at eating pussy. I will buy a Brantley Gilbert record if he makes that song.

97) "How 'Bout Them Cowgirls," George Strait

et tu, possum?

9.23.2017

4) "...Ready for It?" by Tay Tay

There is entirely too much punctuation in this song title, this song begins with Tay Tay clearing her throat, and she is rapping. No. Absolutely not. How are people defending this? How come Tay Tay fired the person in charge of telling her "no?" This song is excessive and I hated listening to this and don't think it's gonna come around. This is bad and I hate it.

77) "These Heaux," by Bhad Bhabie

1) No 2) Fuck anyone expressing an actual opinion about this song 3) This country is broken 4) How dare they 5) No 6) No 7) No 8) Please don't 9) At least it wasn't a third Jake Paul song! 10) But legit life's too short to waste on things you know you're gonna hate. Maybe next time a meme drops a track, don't listen? This song only exists because it wants you to hate it. Listen to something you like next time. 11) #77. Fuck's sake.

81) "Bad at Love," by Halsey

This song could use a sense of humor. The phrase "bad at love" is inherently comical; how can you be bad at a noun, silly, what a playful use of language! But to call Halsey extra is to imply that this isn't standard Halsey. This could be a playful song about a girl who's been fucking around (in more ways than one! /slaps knee) too long and wishes she could settle down, but instead it's a song about a girl who needs to be fixed, and what it actually is doesn't captivate me at all. Halsey: Almost being something I'm into since 2015!

86) "Greatest Love Story," by LANCO

A three-act play: "Hey! I haven't heard of this band/artist before! Yippee, new music!" /sees country videos in the 'up next' sidebar "At this point, I’m refusing to learn." "They said I was nothing but a troublemaker never up to no good/You were the perfect all-American girl, wouldn't touch me even if you could." Oh wow, apparently the greatest love story is the story literally every other country artist has told, well no wonder so many of them have told story! Because it's the greatest! MYSTERY UNLOCKED.

97) "Sky Walker," by Miguel ft./Travis Scott

That falsetto Miguel does when he sings "but don't wait to jump in too long" that only like maybe five people on earth can do is unreal. I brought up Miguel when I complained about having to listen to Bryson Tiller, but LEGIT why are we bothering with Bryson Tiller when Miguel can do that thing with his voice. This song isn't really that great, it goes about the same places as the average Bryson Tiller song did, but just knowing I would hear Miguel sing that line in that way kept me engaged enough with the song.

99) "Reminder (Remix)," by The Weeknd ft./A$AP Rocky & Young Thug

"Ain't no more Hanes on my balls, these are Kenneth Cole" is a fucking outsanding boast from Young Thug and why I think he's one of the greatest artists of his generation. The Weeknd's verse is hilarious, as well -- "I just won a new award for a kids show/Talkin' 'bout a face numbing off a bag of blow." It takes a special track to render A$AP Rocky the bronze medalist, but man, this song is just a good time and a half. 2017 isn't all bad! It's had more downs than ups in recent days, but this is some quality 2017 music right here.

100) "No Fear," be DeJ Loaf

I thought #AndSeeThatsTheThing was dope, and I was looking forward to hearing more from DeJ Loaf, and then I forgot she existed for /checks watch/ nearly two years!, and now here's this song which is kinda basic but also so good, just an uncomplicated, nice song about being a love, which, y'know, if you're gonna give me something uncomplicated, I'd rather hear something simple about love than any of the thousands of simple songs about darkness and evil. Also, apparently DeJ and that Jacuqees fellow from a couple weeks back released a joint album called Fuck a Friend Zone. Fuck a Friend Zone is, as you likely expected, a bunch of songs about fuckin'. I'll repeat a point I've made: '90s R&B never died, it just lost all subtlety.

Who won the week?

In a lot of ways, I feel “No One” is the only Actually Good song I listened to this week. “Reminder” puts up one hell of a fight, but “No One” is pretty much all 2007 needed.

Current standings: 1997: 13 2007: 12 2017: 12 Next week, 1997 throws us Boyz II Men and Mary J. Blige, 2007 throws us a heck of a lot of random junk (Kanye! Khaled! Feist! Backstreet Boys?), and maybe Kelly Clarkson for 2017? Maybe? Or will it be a thousand country artists, each more broey than the last? please just give me a good week, please, just, please

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, week 26

capsule reviews of the songs which debuted on the 7 July 2017 and 8 July 2017 editions of the billboard hot 100

7.7.2007

61) "Lost," Faith Hill

"With everything I have doesn't mean a thing if it's without you." I. Don't know what that means? I could stare at some of these lyrics and not really understand what's happening other than I'm supposed to believe in love and all its power, which is probably the most we can expect out of a late-career Faith Hill song. It's not great, but, y'know, just as I feel weird about trying to assess Fifth Harmony songs, I feel like Faith Hill songs are reaching for that Aunt With Too Many Inspirational Quote Pillows demographic, and I have to respect the choice she had made to service this demographic. This was someone's third wedding song, and I think that's beautiful. (Also, credit where credit's due, Kara DioGuardi co-wrote a song I tolerated.)

65) "Never Wanted Nothing More," Kenny Chesney

This is a weird one. Because it's Kenny Chesney, but it's also Chris Stapleton, but it's also Chris Stapleton writing a Kenny Chesney song. It's complicated. Like, you look at Kanye West's early discography, you see names you know, Jermaine Dupri, Goodie Mob, Lil' Kim, Nas, Alicia Keys, you see respectable names, you can see how the songs Kanye produced would fit into the greater Kanye catalogue. There's a difference, of course, between production and writing, but early Kanye doesn't feel like producer-for-hire. This song is written so outside the voice I've come to associate with Chris Stapleton that I can't imagine him ever writing it. Like, this song fits in with the Chris Stapleton origin story because it shows Chris Stapleton has been doing this thing for a long time and was good at it, but that's the only way it fits. This is just a Kenny Chesney song that Chris Stapleton happened to write, whereas "Izzo" is a Jay-Z song with a Kanye beat. Country music's weird as hell, man. I ain't gonna get it.

69) "Dance Tonight," Paul McCartney

it's gotta be pretty nuts to know that your status as one of the greatest songwriters of all time is so secure that there is absolutely nothing you could do to remove yourself from that pedestal. Like, the only reason I can find for a song like this (read: a bad one) being made from a dude at this level is, he was bored and wanted to see if people would call it an extraordinary songwriting feat if he just dropped a track like "it's nice when people have fun!"

74) "Let It Go," Keyshia Cole ft./Missy Elliott & Lil Kim

Pretty good! A little subdued for my taste, a little too restrained for a song about letting go, but I think we've talked about how I'm not naturally drawn to R&B simply because the genre is so subdued and restrained, so it's probably my own fault I'm not as into this song as I feel I should be. Like, I like all the names involved, I thnk Keyshia Cole was a pretty decent singer, I like the ingredients of the song, but someone put them together with a different palette than mine in mind. Ugh, and that's just the worst, how the world doesn't make enough things for white males to enjoy. This song, though, I think it's a'ight! I have no complaints about it specifically!

91) "How Do I Breathe," Mario

...i swear i've heard this exact same r&b song at least twice, though. like, "let it go" had missy on the track, it was cool. this is another song about a man who is sad his girlfriend left him and wishes she would come back. mario's a more engaging vocalist than the joes and tanks of 2007, like i'd like to hear him sing a better song, but... man, this week is just songs i didn't need to hear, and not in the sense that pop music is bad and i shouldn't try to listen to this much of it, more that 2007 just kinda said, "hey, here's some shit you've already heard from us, have fun." i feel i don't need to have an opinion on this song because i've already had an opinion on some stargate joint or another, y'know?

97) "Doomsday Clock," Smashing Pumpkins

hey speaking of unnecessary, another smashing pumpkins song! and not even one i need to begrudgingly admit is good, this one is the thing i expected smashing pumpkins to sound like, billy corgan nasally whining about some bullshit or another while the guitar plods along dutifully. nothing here is innovative, nothing here takes smashing pumpkins and frames it in a new light for me, this is just a song that exists. these songs all exist.

Well, obviously, since we’re hitting the halfway point, we’re gonna be doing something special! ...Or I would forget how to count and not realize this was the halfway point. Anyway, no Top 20s because nothing changed. 2017!

8 July 2017

4) "Wild Thoughts," by DJ Khaled ft./Rihanna & Bryson Tiller

I don't believe anything Bryson Tiller says on this song. My understanding of Bryson Tiller was that he was a simpering sad boy who sang about his feelings, so when he comes on a track where he a) has to present himself as an equal to Rihanna and b) has to make the argument that he is a worthy sexual partner for Rihanna, it's hard to take him seriously, because all he's done before suggests he's not this person. Like, someone thought of Bryson Tiller was the answer to the question "Who could make Rihanna think wild thoughts?" and that's just amazing to me. Literally anyone else would have been better. Are we not ready to lean so fully into the Latin trend that we'll give Luis Fonsi a starring role in a DJ Khaled song? Are we just this over Miguel? Hell, we know from "Run Up" that PARTYNEXTDOOR's capable of being occasionally interesting, why not him! This song could've been something, but man, that Bryson Tiller feature sinks it.

51) "Feels," by Calvin Harris ft./Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean

I appreciate the work Calvin Harris puts in to making pop music funky again, I think he's aware there's a direct line in music history from him to The Chainsmokers and he's doing his best to distance himself from that, but there's a limit to how much I can enjoy a song with the line "I know you're not afraid to catch feels with me." Like, this is another good song, Calvin Harris has been doing work this spring/early summer, it's just, one of them has to be the worst, and it's this one with its tumblr-ass hook. I wish I had a more legit reason to not be into this song. Nope. It's just that one word. I don't even necessarily mind that word, it's just, an entire song built around that word isn't a party I wanna attend.

61) "First Day Out," by Kodak Black

Nope!

83) "Relationship," by Young Thug ft./Future

Comparing Young Thug to the other dudes in his genre is like comparing a wasp to a group of bumblebees. They're sort of the same thing, but Young Thug is so much different and fearsome. ...This isn't his best song? This is the song you'd expect to chart off the album given the pedigree, but also, it isn't, because there's so many other, better songs on the album? But we should be evaluating this song for what it is, not what it isn't. "I put my dick inside her mouth before she act." Neat! Of all the many things Young Thug is, he is not perfect.

89) "Feel it Still," by Portugal. The Man

I AM IN FAVOR OF ALL THE BRASS 2017 HAS GIVEN ME THIS YEAR. The only instance of a brass instrument I remember from 2007 is the "Get Buck" beat, and I am so thrilled with the occasional blasts on this song. It's a fun song by a band I know I've heard about at some point but didn't expect to see here. I thought Portugal. The Man was ponderous indie nonsense, but yo, if they got one of these in them, I'm down to see what else they got. It's weird when it turns out bands everyone says is good make good songs. Like, what happened to bands like the Arcade Fire, who just whined monotonously over jingle-jangling?

100) "Real Hitta," by Piles ft./Kodak Black

...Are you. Guys. Are you serious? Piles? PIIIIIIILES? Of all the fucking. So many rappers hit in 2007, and the one y'all dredged up to make the Deacde Dance Club, literally the week I introduce that as a thing, is maybe the worst one, the one whose name I didn't even bother to spell right, I thought he was so yesterday. I'm not gonna listen to it for what I hope are obvious reasons, but that doesn't mean we can't jump into the AZ Lyrics page. "All that ass she got back there startin' to look like a Pamper" This is the least sexy way to describe a butt since "My Humps." "Sex game undefeated, think I'm 100-0" ...Has Piles only fucked 100 times? I mean. Hey, nothin' wrong with that, I'm not here to prude shame anyone or promote promiscuity or whatever, but even in the last 10 years, 3,650 days, Piles has only fucked once every five weeks or so? Or is he just on a winning streak, like, that's how many times in a row he's ejaculated? (I'm assuming he's not bragging that, every time he has sex, he makes the woman cum. I don't think Piles has ever had a woman's pleasure in mind when setting about his business.) This is a bizarre boast. "Biggest thing he ever did for you was take you to Chili's." ...Okay. Okay, that's pretty good. "That lil pussy was so sorry, I call it minimum wage." You know what fuck it I'll take gross political commentary. Piles had two lines I enjoyed out of the context of the song! There may be hope for all of us y -- oh right Kodak Black "I'ma come through, and I'ma fuck ya like the police lookin' for me" Well, that's about as tone deaf as I expected, alright, well, there's hope for some of us.

Decade Dance Party

...Um. 31) Piles We said that it’s hard to have two hits ten years apart. What this list presupposes is... What if it isn’t?

Who Won the Week?

A few weeks ago, there was like a three-year stretch where the Houston Texans and the Cincinatti Bengals would play each other in the football playoffs. They were boring games and bad to watch, and while the Bengals and Texans were good enough to have made the playoffs, it kinda sucked that one of the two got to go to the next round while a different, more fun team to watch gets eliminated, or was left out of the playoffs entirely. “Feel It Still” is a fine song and is definitely better than “Let it Go,” but like. “Feel it Still” shouldn’t be the champion for the week. I dunno, kinda meh for both weeks, 2017 takes it because I don’t think “Feel it Still” should get demerits for all the Kodak Black I didn’t listen to. So.

2017: 14 2007: 12

Next week, 2007 is giving us what is indisputably greater than all The Beatles songs put together. (I linked to that specific post because gosh that dude adding his two cents at the end is the reason op exists.) But will it be better than the alt-country song and the indie-rock song I for some reason ranked over “Umbrella?” ONLY TIME WILL TELL.