#mirevaeth lavellan

[melongumi]

@dainesanddaffodils tagged me in this picrew challenge where you make yourself and two of your ocs! so here’s me: with one of my very oldest ocs, Nerine, on the left; and (my best attempt with this maker for) one of my newest, Vaeth, on the right.

I’m not tagging because hm. Energy. But do join me U_U

[melongumi]

there is a genius about dragon age in its tendency to inspire the pride and possession more characteristic of a writer in all its players

what with character creation being paired with vivid and meaningful decisions suggestive of distinct personality and motivations and principles

like, skyrim offers some of that? but you never have to choose this OR that dialogue choice. you can join every guild in the same playthrough. you can become boss of the thieves guild of riften and then marry mjoll the lioness. 

anyway i just unlocked the war table mission “destroy adamant fortress” and I’m thinking very seriously about whether I even want to do it. Because it’s supposed to stand for something bigger and better than Clarel’s Folly. She wants the Orlesian Wardens’ trust and reputation rehabilitated, and she wants Adamant rebuilt. 

She doesn’t. Have a cultural background that would lend itself to warden hero worship. But Skyhold is half full of survivors of the fifth blight, and she went to crestwood, and she’s lost good soldiers (and blades) to blight sickness contracted on the Storm Coast or in the Approach. She’s fully ready to believe that wardens are important and necessary. Plus she is still Full Up on guilt and upset over the whole Stroud thing.

^^^ do you see this. do you see me spitting endless jabber about my oc

fucking dragon age, man

[melongumi]

hey meet The Whole Gang so far

ignore the inquisitors’ tapestry elements; they mostly aren’t set yet. Bellis, for instance, will in fact be rescuing the Templars. And romancing Josie. This is why he was created.

I haven’t decided about Clara yet. Probably mages. She’ll be doing the cullen romance, but. She is a mage and is not comfortable with the templars as an organization. That’s how it is. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

anyway dig Andrea Cousland’s name. Andrea like anderfels? Good Grey Warden name? Andrea like Andraste? Superlative Queen of Ferelden name? 

ye

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i can’t believe solas EXASPERATED SIGHED at me for keeping the wardens

wots ur damage over wardens solas

DON’T YOU SASS ME SOLAS YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS HERE

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varric’s tarot change after HLtA really suggests I’m supposed to choose hawke instead of stroud

i just couldn’t do it though orz

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Solas: “action is not inherently superior to inaction”

My inquisitor, later: “hey that’s great advice. you should take it.”

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Sera, Solas, and Varric for HLtA party; s’gotta be varric b/c I’ve decided. That’s the only way to reconcile Vaeth’s characterization with the choice I personally want to make here. 

[melongumi]

Horn of Valor with Fortifying Blast more like ultimate power amirite???

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let the record state that though my MCs aren’t All Hawkes, they are all related--

My worldstate assumes that Malcolm was elfblooded, and one of Vaeth’s parents was his half-sibling (though they never met, and didn’t know)

and of course it’s canon that Warden Amell’s mother was Revka Amell, who was Leandra’s first cousin. I accept this as true for Sage.

[melongumi]

Vaeth Lavellan: People are inherently good! But unfortunately, I can’t protect everyone, and some people don’t want to be helped. We do the best we can with what we have; and always look to the unattainable horizon.

Kendra Hawke: People are inherently bad and selfish, and so am I. Consequently, some people are mine, and I don’t care if they’re bad. I’ll do whatever it takes to protect “my” people.

Sage Amell: People are inherently fallible and easily led. It’s kind of senseless and unfortunate for bad things to happen to people who’re just minding their business, so leverage those qualities to the utmost to prevent that.

[melongumi]

Sometimes, Lavellan imagines it is a noblewoman who carries the mark. She believes in the Maker, and she believes in Andraste, and she is not lying when she allows people to believe that she is chosen. 

She helps the elves, the poor, the downtrodden, and it is because she is compassionate, not because she is angry, and selfish, and scared. 

After Adamant, she imagines that woman again, and she thinks, perhaps it is for the best. She would be paralyzed, now, by doubt. But is Lavellan any different, in the end?

Ah-- Her breath catches, and she thinks of Cassandra’s red-rimmed eyes; of Leliana’s thin, pale lips; of Alamarri warriors screaming defiance in the face of death and worse.

Ah, no matter what gods you follow, Faith is cruel.

[melongumi]

fun with minor glitches

click for captions

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this is the first blingee i’ve ever made in my entire life

[melongumi]

hey so HLtA was a rough day for everybody and Vaeth Lavellan has a lot of circular, rambling feelings: 

Vaeth feels awful about everything, and she’s super mad that good inquisition kids got dead, 

and she’s super frustrated over being trapped in the position of killing wardens who were tricked,

and she’s feeling guilty over surviving because Stroud stayed behind

AND selfishly choosing Stroud to stay behind, rather than Marcher Hero (+ my pal’s BFF), because her reasons were selfish, and if she were being selfless she has no idea who she would have picked

she’s mad she had to make a decision in the first place; up ‘til now she hadn’t really. had to send anyone to their death

this personal version ON TOP of the inquisition soldiers that died? she’s very mad. she’s so mad

and the fade was feckin rough all around

New Fresh Survivor’s Guilt came on the heels of remembering Survivor’s Guilt: Round One ft. Divine Justinia

and Faithstinia even did a reprise

and Solas is being pissy about the wardens, which isn’t making Vaeth’s week any better... 

and she had to sit in judgment of Livius Erimond and Ser Ruth, 

and for Erimond it had to be execution, but that was what he wanted, so that also pissed Vaeth off

and then Ruth also wanted execution for these really solid, principled reasons, and Vaeth kind of wanted to do right by Ruth, but couldn’t because Ruth’s message runs counter to Vaeth’s own principles: “do better; and that means living in the world”

but she couldn’t really force Ruth to live which also sucks

AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, she’s having some kind of crisis of faith

the night is dark and full of horrors etc etc, and she just heard her clan is in trouble, and being in the fade was. whelming, and talking to the Divine, and talking to Leliana and Josie and Cass about the Divine, and 

the whole herald thing is starting to lay real heavy on her head

and she had this conversation with varric shortly before they headed out that was. man

This “being a human religious figure” thing is really complicated and confusing, and weighing lives sucks, and war super duper sucks, and demons suck, and Vaeth wants to go home? A lot???

but she also doesn’t. she also feels really good being here and being responsible for all these people and decisions, and she feels weird and conflicted about that

side notes. 

she has zero certainty wrt the true nature of Faithstinia, but she kind of thinks it doesn’t matter? If she is a lie, she’s a mirror image; indistinguishable from the truth she reflects. 

the nightmare’s lair was full of negativity. also, there were these statues that gave off this impression, and long story short Vaeth kind of suspects that the Nightmare was originally born as some kind of Alamarri spirit of courage or perseverance during the first blight? And if so, it’s sort of the kind she favors? So that’s another layer of weird betrayal-y feelings and thwarted intentions.

anyway, the drivers behind it are kind of muddled, but here’s another turning point where once again Vaeth is letting people call her the Herald, because to deny it would be spiteful, and besides she doesn’t feel qualified to decide one way or the other. But she feels like a Bad Dalish (in a clan that some other clans might already call flat-ears for their human-friendly policy), and she feels like a liar, and she feels like... 

Well, if Faith is Justinia even if she’s Faith, because she thinks and acts as Justinia, so there’s no meaningful distinction --

By that same token, could Vaeth really be some kind of divine Herald?

But that’s a weird and uncomfortable and highly burdening thought. Vaeth hopes there’ll be time to talk all this stuff over with someone less biased than Giselle or Cassandra or Josie. Like Solas. Maybe he’s seen stories in the fade that can help her understand what she should be doing. Kinder ones than they saw in the Nightmare’s Lair.

[melongumi]

backstory thoughts: Vaeth’s mom was the previous First of clan Lavellan; Deshanna was the second. They were both transferred in (this assumes that my iteration of clan Lavellan habitually doesn’t produce many mages).

The keeper and Vaeth’s mom were hoping and waiting for Vaeth to turn up a mage so they could start training her as Third -- but she is not a mage. Then they both died, leaving the former Second, Deshanna, to take over as Keeper. 

[melongumi]

Vaeth has the attitude of a First, but she’s a warrior

so the question is: 

is she not actually a First, but just Like That?

is she a quasi-First because something happened to her clan’s mages?

is she actually a mage somehow? probably not