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#misha if by some wild chance you read this it is a joke and I am by no means accusing you of queerbaiting
suncaptor · 2 years
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I still stand by you can't queerbait in real life, but Misha Collins of the great American Destiel Queerbait is giving that philosophy a run for its money.
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maggiemaybe160 · 5 years
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The Sound of Longing
Fic written for @ficfacers 2019. My winning bid was from AnonGrimm. I had so much fun writing this fic. Full 5 chapter fic on my Ao3 (Rated Mature)
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Look, I’ll be honest. The house I’m looking at doesn’t have a monster. It doesn’t have a victim, ghostie, or creepy crawly. It’s just a house that’s empty. The owner hasn’t come home yet. If he has any sort of life on a Saturday, he won’t be coming home tonight at all. I don’t know why Sam is having me waste my breath on this case. There’s nothing in this town. He’s still strung out from our last two weeks.
Douche with wings zapped us into the corporate life with no memories. We spent two weeks living the lives of civilians with desk jobs. He’s itching to prove that it will never happen again and that he doesn’t want that snoozefest of a life. He’s too busy trying to prove that he chooses hunting to see that there is nothing here to hunt.
I know I’m happier staking out, cleaning rifles, loading salt rounds, and ganking evil sons-of-bitches, but it felt like a vacation. It felt like a rest from Hell, a moment to breathe after torturing Alistair.
Sam wants to wash it off and pretend it didn’t happen. He wants to forget the two friends he lost while he was trapped in the mind of an IT pencil-pusher. I could do without the memories of that poor kid in the bathroom. He didn’t deserve to go out just because Zachariah chose to stir up our brains. We could have had that ghost before… What’s his name? Ian? Ian died. I didn’t know him. Sam did. I called him “pencil-neck” and Sam didn’t take it well.
“He had a name.”
His name was Ian. He was Sam’s friend, but we’re still not allowed to have friends. Not ones with nine to fives and no supernatural protection.
I am glad to be back, though. Back to eating bacon cheeseburgers and drinking beer. Back to long hours driving and highlighting newspapers. Back to normal, health-insurance and pay free. I’m back to staring at a boring house and sitting in the car just so I can think.
I keep running over why I said yes to torturing someone, no matter how evil he is. I had waited thirty years of what I thought was going to be eternity to start torturing anyone. I didn’t want to go back to it the second I was back topside. I didn’t want to look into his ugly face and hear his slimy voice. I know why I said yes, though. He asked me to.
Mister blue-eyes-and-trench-coat showed up and asked me to do him one little favor and there I was like a lost dog. Any other angel and I know I would have said no. If Zach had asked, I might’ve even told him where to stick it. Junkless did ask, and I told him no. I made the mistake of asking to talk to Cas alone. Talk to the only being that could make my heart run wild and make him convince me to help him with those eyes and that voice. No, it had to be Castiel. It had to be him.
Something keeps coming up with him. Uriel and Cas have both said that Cas is getting too close to me and that he likes me. The words are a fist around my heart. I don’t know why I care. Anna already told me that angels can’t fall in love. Not that that’s what I’m thinking about because it’s not.
Love. I can repeat the word over and over and I’ve always just seen a blank screen. I guess that’s not true anymore, but who knows what that means? I’m not allowed to fall in love. I’m a solider for Earth, Hell, and now Heaven. I’m a bullet-shield if anything and unworthy of that kind of feeling. It’s not like I hear that word and think about my pounding heart and sparking lights. It doesn’t mean anything if I hear that word and feel my stomach twist because I think about him. He doesn’t think about me. Not as anything more than some rescue dog from Hell anyway.
What does it mean he likes me? What the fuck does that mean? It can’t mean anything. I want it to mean something. I want it to mean anything and everything.
“Hello, Dean.”
I jump out of my skin and look over to the passenger seat of my previously empty car. “Don’t do that!” Always. Whenever I have a moment to just think, here he is, sitting next to me with his blue eyes narrowed like he can read my thoughts. “Why are you here?”
“I always come when you call,” he says, the gravel in his voice raking over me.
“False alarm. I didn’t call.” There’s no point in trying to look back at the most ordinary house. Cas’ eyes are pools to drown in. I can’t breathe.
“I can hear longing, Dean.”
What the fuck? What kind of thing is that to say? I don’t long for things. Especially not people. Or angels. I don’t long for him. I don’t long to run my hand down the side of his face or feel his lips on mine. I do not long for his arms around me. I don’t long to be shoved against a wall by him, our noses touching, eyes locked. I definitely don’t long for Castiel.
“Excuse me? You’ve got the wrong number, pal.”
“What number? I didn’t call you.” Cas shifts, his eyes cast down to my lips before finding my eyes again. “It hasn’t stopped, though. I don’t understand.”
I force myself to look away and find myself staring at the boring house again. This is the most pointless stakeout in the history of our hunting career. I could be at a bar drinking and flirting with anyone who walks by. Instead, I’m biting my tongue and contemplating how badly I want him.
“What are you doing here?” Cas asks, his face turning toward the same building that I’ve been watching.
“Humoring Sam.”
He doesn’t say anything else. I should’ve said something to keep him talking. I could have told a joke that would have gone over his head just so that he would tell me that he doesn’t understand.
“I’m sorry, Dean.” I wasn’t expecting that. I look back over at him and watch his head turn slowly. His eyes are filled with his apology. “I’m sorry about what happened with Alistair. I should have protected you from Heaven’s orders. I should never have let you walk into that room.”
“Don’t like what came out?” I don’t mean to joke or throw my words back in his face, but I am scared of the answer. His apologies could be his goodbye, and I’m not ready for that.
“That will never happen.” My heart lodges itself in my throat. “I tried to redeem myself for that by protecting you from Zachariah, but I was detained.”
“You were detained?” The way he talks drives me insane. He’s poetic and formal for no reason.
“Yes.”
When he doesn’t say more, I feel like it’s my turn. I’m supposed to accept and forgive him. I’m supposed to acknowledge that he’s sorry so we can both move on.
“Yeah, okay.”
“I have to apologize for my actions after you and Anna…” Can angels blush? Is that what’s happening? “I was jealous. That was one of the reasons I was kept from you. They accused me of getting too close to my charge. I can’t deny that accusation, but jealousy isn’t something that is allowed in Heaven. I could have protected you more effectively if I hadn’t let myself feel so strongly.”
Jealous? Jealous of Anna. Jealous of Anna when she was a human and asked me for her last night as a human. Jealous of the kiss in the barn before she powered up. Castiel was jealous? Jealous of me or her? Please be jealous of her.
“What do you mean, jealous?”
“It’s not of import. I… I should go.” He can’t leave now. Not after he opened that up.
“Cas,” I hear myself begging as I grab onto his arm. I can’t let him leave. Not now. “Talk to me.”
Cas sighs and I’m sure I’m wrong. I’m wrong in thinking he was jealous of her. Why would he want me? Now my hand is on his arm and I can’t take it away. If he can hear longing, he can probably feel it through his arm by now too. I shouldn’t have stopped him. I could have gone my whole life without this conversation.
“Uriel wasn’t lying to you when he told you of my affections.”
I want to scream. I want to ask him to clarify. I want to hear him say it. I need to hear him say it. His affections . What? Can you have a heart attack from thinking someone may have a crush on you? I think I’m having a stroke.
“I thought angels couldn’t fall in love.” Love. He never said he loved me. He said he has affections . Whatever that means. Now I’ve ruined it. I’ve lost all of my chances by using the world’s dumbest word.
“They can’t.” Fuck. “At least, I thought we couldn’t.”
I remember my hand on Cas’ arm and rip it away. He can’t mean it. He has to mean it. “I’m not allowed to fall in love. I’m just a soldier.” I repeat the words that I’d heard and told myself repeatedly through the years. I’m just a soldier. I’m disposable. I’m not meant for love or ‘ affections ’.
“That does apply to both of us.” Cas reaches out and takes my hand back. I should keep it from him, but his touch is all that I can think about.
“I guess it can’t be love then.” I lose the fight of not staring at his lips.
“I don’t think it matters what we call it.”
Cas drops my hand to cup my face instead, leaning in and pressing his lips to mine. It’s warm and soft and now I think I’m definitely having a heart attack. My heart slams in my chest as if it’s trying to escape as Cas’ mouth opens mine. I feel his fingers dragging through my hair as I pull him against me. His kisses swallow me whole.
@destielhoneybee @thekingofselfloathing @ain-t-bovvered @iamcharliebradburylevelperfect @adventurous-blob @anarchiana @blueeyesandpie @samatedeansbroccoli @skittles-rainbow-cat @lily-t2019 @fandom-is-my-middle-name @soloarcana @destiel-honeypie @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @spn-bad-bitch @awkward-penguin-in-a-trenchcoat @castibella-shipper-of-the-lord @telefunkies @aestheticallydyke @righteouscomeuppancejogstheliver @deanwinchesterswitch @royalrowena
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neven-ebrez · 6 years
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Wayward cocktails with Jerry Wanek in Hawaii
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Okay!  So I was extremely lucky to get to sit down right beside production designer Jerry Wanek along with some other fans and talk to him for over an hour on Sunday night after Honolulu con wrapped.  I recorded a bit of the audio of the meeting for notes so here’s some highlights from our group chat.
Jerry has an office upstairs where the studios are.  There’s no doors.  There’s nine people in the art department including the art director, set designer, and the graphic director.  The whole process is extremely collaborative and the best idea usually wins!  I brought up the fact that there’s always discussions of intent when analyzing the show and how its very hard to pin down because there are so many hands in the cookie jar!  Jerry said a lot of it goes back to the boys, which provide the most focus in his opinion.  
Jerry says he reads lots of scripts every day, some of which have stupid ideas (”This is so stupid I want to cry” his words, lol).  He said after they get the first draft that they all submit their ideas, “What if we do this? What if we do that?”  Jerry works very close with every director.  He looks over the scripts and helps point out what is pretty much impossible (or otherwise VERY tough/expensive).  He says he has a script right now that is 14 pages long at NIGHT, OUTSIDE, and RAINING. (FYI: this is a production/cost/logistics/timing nightmare for those who don’t know this).  Jerry says they can’t even get this done on their 8 day schedule, that there’s simply not enough TIME.  He says he had to call up Andrew Dabb and be like, “Uh... Andrew... you’re gonna have to cut some of this!” 
Jerry spoke well of John Showalter and Phil Sgriccia, saying Phil’s history in editing helps him tremendously in directing (and I guess fixing problems like being given a script with 14 pages of night shoots, lol).  He spoke of how Phil cares about the show’s mythology and legacy compared to some writers who do things that change the mythology.  He said everyone was confused by Asmodeus in the fact that he could shapeshift.  He didn’t like the fact that all the other Princes of Hell didn’t have that ability but apparently Asmodeus did.  
I asked him if there’s ever been a set that he especially hated to tear down and he said “Yes and no.” He went on to talk about the lake house from 12x23 and 13x01.  He looked for 2 weeks for a house for that shoot.  He was out looking for a spot to shoot the angel blades from the AU and the guy that had that property mentioned another spit of land he had and then he and Jerry drove out there and then Jerry saw that it was perfect and so he immediately called up Bob and they decided to build the house as a complete set there instead of finding a house already built.  
I told him it was amazing that they could build these things all so fast.  He said that it’s taken a lot of years to acquire those skills.  He’s been in the film business for 40 years.  He spoke of the freedom he had on the Dark Angel set, that they told him “just take care of the sets” and that James Cameron and them had other things to worry about, so there was a lot of trust there.  He said that since then he’s only had to get “okay’d” on maybe half a dozen sets.  Basically, he has a lot of free reign on whether the location is a bunker, an abandoned warehouse, whatever.  He spoke fondly of the distillery set from 10x21 and said it had been written as an abandoned warehouse.  Coming up in 13x07 the script called for a concrete bunker in the desert, but Jerry designed a church instead.  I suggested that “concrete bunker” was just script shorthand for “let Jerry do what he wants” and he said, “pretty much” lol.  
@obsessionisaperfume then piped in about the wallpaper and how you could write a dissertation just on it.  I mentioned the Hansel and Gretel wallpaper and Jerry said that one came from France. Dori said her favorite was the Siren wallpaper.  I said my favorite was the red/green tartan codependency wallpaper because it was so striking.  (Here is where @nicky36 and @ibelieveinthelittletreetopper arrived).  Jerry said anytime Misha calls something a “masterpiece” is when he knows he hit a homerun. :’)  He said set reveals are somewhat like an art opening and he loves all the reactions they get.  He said that any time the reaction to a hotel set is low, that it’s “game on” and it’s time to raise the bar with the wild and wacky.  I asked him what his favorite themed motel was and then immediately told him my favorite, which was the “Too Tired” motel and that it was a motel dedicated to me.  He loved that one.  He said it was two tires in the “too” and that the location of that motel was in one of the biggest tire manufacturers in the country, so the whole thing was a pun with a double meaning!  
I thanked him for not giving into the motel 6 suggestion and he said he would have left the show, no doubt.  Jerry loves Americana and time period stuff, classic stuff like the 50s and 60s, Route 66.   I mentioned the Elysian Field motel from 5x19.  He said that that was when the Olympics was in Vancouver and that he told the writers “whatever you do, DO NOT write an episode that is motel heavy right now” because all the motels were booked up.  “So what do the writers do?” Jerry asked, “They, of course, made a whole episode in a motel.”  I said, “No one listens to you?” He laughed and said, “No, they don’t!”  He said that whole motel was built on a stage and that he was very pleased with it because of all the detail they could do.  He then went a little in depth into intention so I’m going to simply transcribe the next bit:
“You can get as wacky as you want, but, if you just put something wacky in, and it doesn’t have anything to do with the script, and it doesn’t have any support- You know, if I put a screen in, then there’s going to be another complementing element in there, in color, in texture, in glass, whatever that makes it seem integral, that when someone built that motel room, that they had a plan.  It wasn’t just like... ‘Oh I want a cool screen to shoot through, that’s not good enough!  Because it just sticks out, I mean, this guy who was watching the show, he was friend of mine, and he did a headboard and he was a young person so he put bubble wrap over it and twinkle light behind it and I'm going like... ‘Well, well it’s different. You know, but it looks- It looks-’ (me: laughing, “I appreciate your input”) ‘Yeah.  But it looks really stupid. It wasn’t on our show’.  Which.. he showed me a picture of his show.  And I went, ‘Oh yeah... Nice... nice... real nice.. yeah...’
Someone goes on to say that it infuriates them that someone would go on and say (about set design), “Oh, they just went and found whatever.”  I then said that I would fight somebody.  “You can hit them for me.” (cheers)  I said one of my favorite things was the sunshine rag rugs that cropped up when Cas was back and “home” and I told him I recalled a story on Tumblr a few seasons back where someone said their mother/grandmother was commissioned by him to hand make those.  I asked him if that was fake.  Jerry thought for a second and said, “No. I don’t think so.”  Jerry then switched topics to the beer on set.  We all knew the story behind “the mom beer” and we told him that’s what we all called it.  He said it’s based on a real beer in Wiscousin called Leinenkugel’s (I remember this but didn’t want to tell him in case others didn’t know).  Jerry’s Winnipeg graphic artist wrote the story on the back of the beer label.  
Someone mentioned the set design coffee table book and I told him I was upset that it existed and that I couldn’t buy it.  Someone mentioned the Impala they were restoring and that they wanted some beer bottle labels for it.  I asked the fan the name of their Impala (Angel) and said that I had one, too (Grace)!  Jerry was surprised to hear that two of us in our small group had bought the car.  He asked if I got mine from the guy in Kansas and I said that I got mine from a guy in Maryland. The other fan asked if it was possible for her to get some beer labels and Jerry said absolutely, that he’d be happy to do that. <3
Jess then said that she was glad to see he was doing well from his surgery from the last time she saw him at the Wayward Cocktails thing.  Everyone agreed and was grateful he is doing good!  He said he was out for 3 months (end of October, November and December).  And that he really got upset about some of the diners in his absence.  I said that we could tell he was gone right away.  He said that he almost got out of his hospital bed, threw things at the tv over some of it.  He said the guy that had took over in his absence was a really good friend of his, but that he couldn’t really replicate his style, nor did he include subtext from the script like he does.
Okay this is where my recorded audio ends so the rest is by my memory.
I asked Jerry about this piece of graffiti from my business Twitter earlier in the day.  I asked about whether it was intentional and that some of us saw it as a shout out to those that read into the graffiti and set design.  He said, “Everything is intentional.” :)  In regards to graffiti especially, they have to do all their own graffiti and that if graffiti exists in the shot that is NOT THEIRS, then they have to remove it, otherwise they could get sued by the artist.  Someone joked about how the front bunker location always gets graffiti’d IRL and how if they couldn’t clean it in time they could just write it into the script and have Dean complain that the door had been tagged.  They have several of their own graffiti artists that they use when they want graffiti.  Jerry praised the artist from 8x19.  I brought up warding and whether or not Jared or Jensen had messed up a set by accident and if they had ever had to repaint it and reset and he admitted, “Yes” with a chuckle.  He said that they try to do 95% of it so that the boys only had to spray like one line/curve so there is a low chance of them messing up.  I asked how challenging 4x01 was with the warding on the barnyard and he said it was quite a challenge!  He said he felt like he was seeing symbols in his sleep after that!  He was very pleased with the end result tho!
When he talked about the S12 finale lake house to another fan he said they tore it down after the finale and then had to build it again for the S13 premiere!  So that entire set was built twice!  
I asked about who made Billie’s new scythe and Jerry said I was forgetting the most important thing!  The library set!  He said originally the set was supposed to be a little country cottage with lots of books but that he was like, “Nah.” and did the polished minimalism set instead.  Everyone praised it and we all said we loved it very much and that we felt it had a similar style as Heaven so they coordinated in a way.  It’s been one of his favorites of the season so far.  He never answered the scythe question, lol.  He said that overall that he’s been loving the new season very much and that the whole thing has felt very fresh.  He brought up the new stunt coordinator and praised him.  He said that the old guy was good but he had some very dated (old school) ideas and that the new guy was a real breath of fresh air.  I told him that everyone could instantly tell that we had a new guy doing the fight scenes and that everyone was really impressed and that there was even a lot of symbolism in them.  
Tula (Jerry’s dog) came by a few times and everyone petted Tula.  Jerry said that Tula isn’t allowed on set very often because of regulations.  He also has to screen Tula three months early for travel to Hawaii because of the strict pet regulations here (Hawai’i doesn’t have rabies for example).  
I asked Jerry if he would be directing again anytime soon and he said probably not, due to something about crew being unable to direct because of some law or complaint or something.  Everyone was sad because 9x14 was one of our favorite episodes.  Jerry said that he still didn’t have *complete* freedom the way he wanted on that episode, that there were all these neat different shots he wanted to do but that he couldn’t for whatever reason.  I said I love the door/screen transition there and he said he wished he could do more stuff like that.  
We talked about Jensen directing and I asked him if Jensen asked for any advice and he said that Jensen didn’t, but that didn’t stop Jerry from talking to him and giving him some anyway!  He praised Jensen’s directing and said that it was good to switch between directors with different backgrounds (acting, editing, set design) and that they all would bring something unique to the directing chair. 
Jerry showed us the photos he later posted on Twitter from the church in the alternate world in 13x07.  He said the script just read “concrete bunker” and he was basically like “fuck that” and built the church with the iron maiden instead.  
I asked Jerry if things ever got left on set and ended up in the shot that weren’t strictly intended and he admitted that it didn’t happen often but it had happened before (the example I used was crew cell phones lying on the table).  It’s worth noting that Jerry admitted this with extreme reluctance lol.  
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Oh! Three more things I forgot to mention! 
Jerry spoke very well of Misha and how S4 changed everything for the show and how everyone became so excited to work on the show again!  The mythology of just demons had gotten really stale and to throw angels into the mix just really got everyone pumped.
Jerry said he loved Alaina Huffman as Abaddon.  We all agreed she was great.  Commenting on her exit, I said that we loved the foreshadowing of the martini shot that signaled her departure and how clever it was at least.
Jerry also spoke about the challenges of building train sets and how he was excited to be working on the “Stakes on a Train” episode but that it ultimately got scrapped because of the budget.  He said it was going to have a similar feel to 11x14 (which he LOVED), and he was sad it fell through and that he hoped they’d bring it back another season.
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This is all I remember being discussed and at this point Jules asked everyone to switch it up so everyone would get the chance to talk to Jerry.  We all stood and hugged him goodbye and thanked him.  After this @thevioletcaptain and @deathbycoldopen took mine and @nicky36‘s spots beside Jerry so I’m going to open this write up up for them to include anything interesting they learned.  ^_^
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