#money should come in tomorrow
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Me clicking “see all” on the tags of that post on why Nate likes Peter: “Holy shit”
#sci speaks#i feel obligated to put a lengthy something something in these tags just to keep the joke up. so i'll tell you about my day.#i really wanted to get chinese takeout today and yesterday but i still haven't gotten it and it's upsetting because#i'm the sort of person who if there's a thing i really want i'll just keep thinking about it restlessly until it happens.#so i guess i'll be thinking about chinese takeout for the foreseeable future. maybe one night this coming week.#i should have bigger things to worry about than when my next chinese takeout fix will be but i'm a simple man with simple needs.#i don't know if the place even takes card and i havent seen a physical note of cash in months. do i need to withdraw money.#do i need to think that far ahead. should i withdraw some money tomorrow just incase.#i really like this chicken and aubergine dish from there it's my favourite. i really love aubergine.#do you guys like aubergine? sensory delight. it melts in your mouth. aughngh. ungh. moans whorishly.
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looked through my gallery and found these two images next to each other… w h a t in the world happened in 2k22 man
#there was also longleg in that photoset but this aint about him#w h a t happened that made me compare yujiro with iggle piggle hello??????#anyway this is just me being a waste of space and oxygen (again) as i try to preemptively empty my annoying-ness reserves#ahead of a job interview tomorrow lest i say something stupid in response to their questions#like ‘i dont have any long term goals for the next 5 years for now. but my short term goal is to make money.’#idk why i said that during my last interview but im def not getting that bread#some things will just remain a mystery ig… like the yujiro-igglepiggle comparisons that past me apparently did#maybe c-19 cooked my brain idk. though through that gallery browsing spree i realised that im like 3 years overdue for my hep-b vax booster#well. too late for that now ig~~~~~~~~~~#hmmmmmmm… maybe i should finally finish the next chapter of idol sengen tomorrow… it’s like half done anyway so…#b u t the next chapters after this one are sooooo text heavy and it’s a p a i n to deal with—#hmm. well. i’ll deal with that when the time comes ig… s i g h s#anyways that’s it for my annoying quota of the day (and hopefully tomorrow’s as well) see you for daily nagisa in a while~~~~~~
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got a good grade in 'not having something wrong with my brain that opticians can detect' and also in 'buying bananas' (not from the optician) 👍
#me @ neurologists you wanna put me in an mri machine soooooo bad... you wanna look at images of my brain sooo much....#it won't cost you sooooo much money it'll be sooooooo great and fun and wonderful for all of us i prommy 🥺 (<- lying)#anyway. also got some goop for my eyes 👍 and did i mention the bananas. non-messed-up pancake coming my way hopefully wahoooooooo!#LOVE to be ill and not be able to get one million tests done. mris should be free and you should just be able to be like 'hey i gotta brain#problem can u check real quick to see if there's anything messed up in there. okay? cool thanks i'll be there tomorrow'#and then we all live happily ever after. i don't wanna trial and error for one million years i wanna do all the tests FIRST and THEN#try stuff. sorry.#anyway. i'm so patient and also patient.#however AM really grateful for my optician. extremely thorough and patient and explanatory. best dr for real.#and also for real i'm also grateful for my gp and also for her consulting a neurologist for me. and i'll be grateful for the trial and#error too. i just wish it was easier for all of us. if 'money' wasn't a thing life could be a dream.
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really not looking forward to working all weekend but at least it's not morning shifts and i'll actually get some sleep
#also staffing wise it should be fine#and i think it's gonna storm for a few days?#and i get to come home tomorrow and make a starfinder char so thats fuuuunnnn#oh well posi vibes should be good money#i've just been dragging ass these last two weeks and i'm eternally paranoid about it
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changing my MLIS degree concentration without telling my parents
#I felt like I should run it past them#that I want to go for the public library concentration#instead of the archives concentration#but then I remembered I’m PAYING FOR THJS#the tuition money comes out of MY ACCOUNT#they have NO SAY#I could drop out tomorrow and no one could stop me
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BABY IF ANYONE IS MEAN TO YOU ABOUT THIS I WILL BITE AND MAIM THEM FOR YOU.
#coworkers are so mean about people calling out for reasonable things...#someone just called out so she can finish her finals and i BET im gonna come in tomorrow and theyll be bitching about it.#GIRL THIS IS A STARBUCKS ITS NOT THAT IMPORTANT. LET HER DO HER WORK!!!#theyre (coworkers. not even the managers) getting super upset at one girl who keeps calling out cause shes depressed#and theyre SO mean to her its disheartening.. i love her she should be gifted many touys and treats and money.
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maybe i SHOULD just try to get a different job that would be better suited to me
#only i'd feel bad after such a short time because they provided me with a uniform and everything and it's clear that they're short-staffed#at the moment and everyone WAS really nice. it was just that i somehow don't quite jel with the people. and also i don't know if i can#handle being around people for so long at a time. and having to be constantly working and using my initiative to try to find what needs#doing and generally activating the part of my brain that doesn't come naturally to me#and yeah i had another offer for a summer job that i could say yes to. but i think that would burn me out even more bc it's just as much of#being around people only SIX days a week full-time#i just don't know if i'm cut out for being employed in general. but as an adult you sort of have to be because you need money and also just#to do SOMETHING with your life. and i don't want to just become another depressing statistic about the amount of autistic people who don't#work. ugh anyway ignore me i'm just having an existential crisis i guess. maybe i'll feel better tomorrow#emma vents#they should invent jobs that are specifically neurodivergent friendly but i don't think such a thing exists
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yesterday i got a ton done but today basically the only thing i did was a lot of shopping (more lino (i, like, ran out??? so hard to believe), longer brayer (six inches!!), some new ink (copper & silver & yellow 😈), one of those bamboo barens to try (only $6 can’t resist) (my favorite baren atm is a metal lid to a tea canister ive completely bent out of shape. rip. it’s not flat anymore) a file box for my prints, more shipping supplies, and a ROLLING PRINT DRYING RACK??)… lots of little entries in my business expenses spreadsheet……….
#chatpost#i hate spending money but i’m excited for my print rack… it’s supposed to come tomorrow already which means i can probably print those#get what you wants in a blue green 😌#it’s a rolling one & small enough that i can tuck it away in a corner of the living room to let things dry#maybe i will be able to use my closet again.#i ordered lots and lots of lino & a couple new kinds to try which is exciting :) yay#i did also whip up some wallpapers for patreon 👍#tomorrow i need to make some korean inspired chicken & veggie bowls#and i should send a slack to quit my job.
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It's gonna be 39C (102.2f) and we don't have an aircon fuckkk I hate Australian summers. Especially since, at least here, it's humid af as well.
#personal#vent#it's 29C today and I'm barely able to function im gonna die tomorrow#plan is to wake up at the asscrack of dawn and go somewhere that does have aircon all day#we can't even fix it ourselves because it's not our house and we don't have permission to like come on#like the mall or something#or the supermarket#just turning around in the frozen food department like a rotisserie chicken to be cooled down instead of heated#There's some places i can sit down and vibe that have at least some aircon#better than none#also fuck our real estate for refusing to fix stuff because it costs them money and they want to “”wait“” to be able to pay it#it's fucking summer and we're quite literally toast while they want to save more for christmas#like bruh#y'all are already rich as fuck at least pay off the investment of SHELTER YOU PROVIDE FOR VERY HIGH PRICES#when honestly shelter should be free but damn gotta buy that extra fucking ham or toy train set lest it spoil christmas#like damn imagine having a low key Christmas to save money while actually paying your bills it's almost like thats always us and for what#so y'all can complain you have it hard that we pay for your shit then act surprised you gotta maintain the thing we pay for??#asshats probably don't even look at their electricity bill and ration the damn aircon and fans as if using too much means losing them ffs#anyway fuck the rich and this system that is centred around making basic shelter a commodity#rent is such a fucking scam and buying is like owning a black hole to throw your living expenses into if you dare to own your own shelter#housing should be free and this cabalistic capitalist system is a fucking nightmare#anyway back to the og point lol#it's fucking hot and i want winter back#Australian winters are so mild and great its like spring in other countries i think#spring here is also a nightmare of rain heatwaves and cold fighting in a parking lot so it's not nice here#but winter??#nice and cool and mild#wish it was always less than 23C all the time that'd be amazing#i don't remember what that is in fahrenheit but yeah
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I’m so anxious about tomorrow ,,,
#I don’t have enough bus money to get to work!! I can still get on the bus but if an officer comes on -#- (which they’re doing a lot recently) I get fined $300!!#you know… to the service that doesn’t fucking work!! that’s always 15-20 mins late!! that sometimes never shows up!!#and they have the nerve to try to find people for one-offs when their service in consistently shit?#they’re lucky they’re a necessity.#knowing my luck I will get caught hhhh#I will be refunding this shirt tomorrow for bus money but I actuslly have to get to work#it should cover everything until my next pay#I just woke up at 3am and I can’t get back to sleep now
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I had intended to go to bed at a reasonable time because I know tomorrow is gonna be super stressful and now here we are at 20 minutes to 2am and I'm still not asleep yet. Because I can't sleep because tomorrow is gonna be super stressful.
I think. I am going to explode.
#ignore me#talking with my parents about money and getting a new job tomorrow#and a lot of shit is gonna come out#and I'm gonna express a lot of frustration and anger#and I'm going to cry a lot#and my dad is going to feel hurt by it#but i need him to understand where I'm coming from and why I've been struggling and just exactly how deeply frustrated i am by my life#we should destroy capitalism please and thank you
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man. man. i'd feel bad venting to anybody and i dont even have words for everything im feeling but GOD DAMN i feel like ass
#this isnt a promt for anybody to be like 'you can vent to me!' btw#i genuinely dont want to talk. i know i should but. i just cant do it man.#im really just posting this to get it off my chest#but FUCK FUCK FUCKING AAAUAGGGHGHH I HATE BEING DISABLED#i know im not stupid or wothless or a burden but FUCK DAMN SHIT it feels like it#and testosterone makes me want to hit and throw and break things but obviously i cant do that#i keep thinking that i make everyone around me miserable and i know thats not true#but everyone seems to be going through it and i cant shake the thought and FUCK#i lost $400 and im gonna have to pay all that back AND pay a $500 medical bill AND still pay all of rent#but hey! at least i cant pay for food bc my debit card was in the wallet i lost so that money is literally locked in my account 🫠#so that wont get spent! hhhh#and if i get my wallet back tomorrow im going to feel lucky and stupid for feeling this way now#but theres fucking nothing i can do!! and its not like i can help but feel this way!!!!#but god. it feels like I'll be an unhelpable depressed idiot forever. i hate feeling stuck so much.#milo.txt#vent tw#fuck me *running* man. god damn.#i know people love me i know they'd miss me if i were gone i know we mutually deeply care about each other i know i know i know#but come the fuck on milo get it in your head
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big day tomorrow of washing doll clothes and rearranging my shelves.... AGAIN. playing a dangerous game of 'well i can fit a couple more dolls on here i think'
#idk where im gonna put my rh royal three yet tiara comes in tomorrow#I WASNT PLANNING ON GETTING ALL 3 BUT. u know#minnie i thought was overrated tbh and then i saw her in person and i truly. truly understood#<- overrated but still cute otherwise i would not have soent money on her jm not INSANE#but yeah i should have some exciting new arrangement opportunities once i move some of the stuff on the end#and put my barbie movie poster up instead of the star trek cast greeting cards lol
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...
#ugh. i wasted a lot of time and money today#bc my leg was suddenly hurting a lot more today and it kinda freaked me out so i went to urgent care#and then they had me get an x ray. luckily my hip looks fine and like i thought i probably strained or tore like an adductor muscle#so all that for something i already knew. but she said i should just chill for like 3 weeks and let it heal#at least nothing worse was wrong but its really annoying. i want to run 😫#wtf am i gonna do to dispel energy??? ugh. and i was supposed to go to thr post office today to send stuff#ill have to go tomorrow. bleh. its so annoying#part of it is just that i hate having to interact with people. like talking to people. like im sure i come across as v young#bc im so anxious and hesitant and im like zero eye contact. so idk it just feels kinda embarrassing#i wanna b like. bro i promis im not stupid. i have 2 advanced degrees in biology and im going for a 3rd. u can talk to me like an adult#its probably just me projecting. my perception is distorted from being made fun of by my sister lol#whatever. at least its just 3 weeks. tho it does remind me i havent been to an actual doctor in like 5 years#...probably should do thst before i move. or idk maybe ill just wait a month and go before school starts#ugh. fuck the American Healthcare system. they looked at me for like 5min and to go to urgent care was $125 with my insurance#thats just to b seen. like i can afford that but what r u supposed to do if u cant?#unrelated#at least its not as bad as when i passed out in class and took a 10 min ambulance ride that somehow cost $700
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#WHY AM I ONLY THINKING OF THIS ONCE THE SEMESTER HAS ENDED#so the final essay assignment was about culture (esp pop) and all that n i wrote about the impact of technology in local pop culture spaces#BUT. i could've written about the prominent classism issue ive always been mad about#classism exists everywhere and its sucha fucking pain to encounter it in fandom spaces#couldve been a beautiful paper#the scope is very narrow but i think it wouldve been great#as with pop culture a lot of people are in on the bandwagon and the practice is mass & the stream is v fast#and the more successful ppl are almost always the ones who had more money beforehand#low budget creatives are looked down upon especially if their works aren't at the very least groundbreaking#'good' is simply not enough. paying for services is not enough. making your own equipments instead of buying expensive brands is not enough#and man am i fed up with the fucking arguments because ppl are missing the point of like#'if you cant afford to be a creative in local spaces then maybe there are things you should prioritize first' and this alone pains me bcs#yes there are things to prioritize because god forbid ppl like me make art without worrying about tomorrow's meal#and while i believe being a creative shouldnt be this expensive i do understand what they mean. i get it first hand#but this simple of a point still goes over people's head who took it as 'dont create art if you're poor'#'when you've paid a lot on something and some low budget artist comes in with their work getting more attention'#'if youre poor the least you could do is not making it worse by doing art'#ARE THEY HEARING THEMSELVES.#do they not realize what they're essentially saying they dont think poor people should make art#I LIVE IN A SOCIETY WHEREIN MY PURPOSE IS TO SCRAPE BY AND BE AN EXAMPLE OF THE COUNTRY'S ECONOMY#got a little heated there sorry tehee give me $500#krispeaks#idk if you noticed from my ramblings but it does get tiring to enter fandom spaces full with rich kids whose only problems are fandom drama
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💜
#okay so here’s the thing is that a hardware store near me is having a big sale this weekend and there’s a few things that I had been eyeing#and researching for my home that are on sale like my living room / kitchen have really tall ceilings and I’d need an extra tall ladder to#get up there to change lightbulbs check the fire alarm and paint and they have one on sale from like 160 to 120 tomorrow that seems like a#good choice and I need a random orbital sander for some projects like sanding the wood planks that we are going to use to replace my porch#and I’ve been working on sanding my kitchen table I got used to get the paint off and stain instead and similar with my coffee table and#that’s on sale from like 50 to 20 dollars plus the sanding pads are on sale a few bucks off as well#and I think there’s one or two smaller things plus I need to get groceries tomorrow and I got a coupon in the mail for free fries with a#purchase at a burger place and I was thinking of taking myself out to lunch tomorrow before I saw about the sale and started making#decisions about potentially spending a lot of money and I have anxiety spending money and I’ve been working on it but it’s still something#that I will probably struggle with somewhat for the rest of my life it’s about managing in healthy#ways instead blah blah blah but sometimes when I talk to my aunt about this she gets frustrated with me because she thinks if I need those#things and have the money I should just buy it and not cause a scene about it and I don’t want to be dramatic but it’s like a#piercing adrenaline fear of not having the money to survive or get what I need in the future and anyways this isn’t what I meant to talk#about what I meant to talk about was that I’m thinking of spending a lot of money tomorrow and technically I have the money and the stuff is#on sale at least the hardware stuff not the groceries so despite it feeling like I’m spending a lot of money at once it will be more cost#efficient to buy them tomorrow than if I waited a few months and there wasn’t a sale going on#so I should purchase them and get groceries and maybe MAYBE even take myself out to lunch as a celebration of how much effort I’ve been#putting into fixing up my home that I love so much and just getting through this period of so much change as best I can#and not have a panic attack about it because it’s going to be okay and I have the money and I have a job with money coming in and I need#those items anyway and will need to buy them at some point and they will likely be more expensive in the future so it is okay for me to#spend the money on it now and it’s not the end of the world everything is going to be okay *right*?#I don’t know I’m just talking to myself mostly#this was a way to get my thoughts out about it without being advised to just get over it#also my tummy hurts and I’m being so brave about it#sort of lol
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