#my annotations go crazy in bloodmarked

[starfallkaz]

More Selwyn Kane Thoughts

Back on my Legendborn bullshit — I already made a post talking about how Selwyn’s love language is canonically physical touch (I don’t make the rules). And how it all stems from the fact that for as long as he’s known, his touch has been something intrinsically tied to power and violence. It was never seen as something that could be given out of affection and care for one another, only as a display of power and as a threat. Likewise his use of aether was always in violent necessity. I’m rereading Bloodmarked and there’s a scene in Volition where Lu allows Sel to use the aether on the grounds that got me thinking and hurting (a lot).

Sel looks between us, a bright light in his eyes that I don’t expect. I’ve never seen him cast something just because. From the look on his face, I don't know if he ever has. "Thank you, Lu," Sel says.

…

When he rotates his wrists, light rises around us overhead, stretching wide like a cloud — and then bursts, raining down like blue embers. Tiny freworks sparking and exploding into nothing before they hit the ground.

Lu claps. "Impressive light show. And I thought Merlins were only good at making weapons."

Sel’s head is tilted back, a slow smile on his face as the aether falls round him, "So did I."

Did I cry rereading this? Absolutely. This is the first time we see Sel realising and experiencing his power not in the context of fear and violence. It’s the beginning of him understanding that he could use his power for joy - for something as simple and loving as entertaining the girl he likes. It felt like a big, yet understated, moment for him.

And I think in a way, that permission from Lu and Bree meant more to Sel than allowing him to use aether in that specific moment. It was also the acknowledgement and encouragement that he could use aether for self-fulfilment and pleasure - that he could allow himself that. Sel was always constrained by his role as Kingsmage or his own self-imposed standards brought about by a crippling fear of not being enough, but this felt like a liberating experience for him.