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#my best friend was losing her shit but like
borathae · 2 days
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↳ Index [Snippet #51 - Sad Boy]
"When Jungkook comes home sad from work and you cheer him up."
Genre: Fluff, Slice of Life
Warnings: mention of losing one's partner to death, Koo is a sad boi after work, but she cheers him up, he is a little shit and she is just as much of a little shit, hehe they're annoying <3, and sooooooo in loveeee!!!, casual non-sexual nudity, backhugs with non-sexual fondling of the teeds, he is just the cutest <3
Wordcount: 1.8k
a/n: i was struck by the random thought that ogc!koo would most definitely cry to his wifey if one of his customers had a tattoo wish with a sad backstory, so this snippet was born hihi he is actually the patootiestest <3 i luv him <3
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You didn’t have work today and therefore made dinner. Jungkook should be home any second now and you are really excited for it. You made some of his favourite tonight because you wanted to make him happy. Not that there is a day where you don’t want to see him happy, but you felt like surprising him tonight.
Bam has been in the kitchen with you when his ears suddenly perk up. He lifts his head and sniffles, then suddenly stands up from where he was resting to run away. You know exactly what this means. Jungkook is home. 
Feeling like greeting him by the door tonight, you follow Bam. 
You find him and Jungkook in the hallway. The latter is kneeling, hugging Bam as tightly as possible. 
“Hey there, my sweetheart”, you greet him. 
Jungkook lifts his head, giving view to his teary eyes. 
“Did you cry? What happened?” you gasp, instantly jumping into worried mode. “Kookie baby, what happened?”
Jungkook stands up and closes the distance, “I had a really sad day”, he says, hugging you tightly. He lets out small sound, melting into you.
“No, I’m sorry to hear this. Did something happen that made you sad?” you ask him, holding him and rubbing the back of his head.
“Yes”,  he squeaks out, having to sob. 
“Noo Googie, I’m here. Let it all out.”
“___ you, you can’t ever die. You have to promise me to, to never die.” 
“I mean that’s a rather ambitious wish. Why are you asking me that all of a sudden?” 
Jungkook coughs out a sob, making a sad sound.
“Let’s sit down first, okay?” 
“Yes, okay”, he whimpers.
You guide him to the living room, sitting down next to him and holding his hands. The walk from the front door to the sofa gave him enough strength to finally tell you what made him so incredibly sad today. He does so with his head lowered and his sweaty hands clasping yours as if he needed your touch to survive.
“I had a customer today and, and he wanted a tattoo and it was”, his voice quivers in tears, “it was his wife’s star sign and then I started and he cried and told me that his wife died a week ago and that he wants to keep her with him always. It was so sad”, he whimpers, “he cried through the entire session and I cried with him and it made me so sad and made me think of how it would be lose you and, and you can’t die, ___ please you have to let me go first, I can’t go through losing you.”
“Oh Kookie, you sweetest person you”, you breathe, scooting closer to drape your arm over him, “this must have been such an emotional moment. I’m sorry that you had to go through this.” 
“It was so sad. I had to, to take breaks because I kept crying so much”, he drops his head on your shoulder, “my head hurts so bad and I have ringing in my ears. I’m sad, please can you promise me not to die before me?” 
“So I should deal with you losing you?”, you ask in a chuckle. 
“Yes.”
You laugh. He laughs with you, but sniffles vividly.
“You’re a doofus.”
“A really sad doofus.” 
You snicker, kissing his forehead.
“Mhm, I promise you that I won’t leave you for a long time. I don’t wanna think about this day for too long because it’ll make me sad too, but I promise you it’s still going to be a long time till it happens.”
“I promise you too. And I love you so much. You’re my soulmate and my best friend and my life partner. Everything I do, I do for you.” He lifts his head, cradling your cheeks. His eyes, although teary, are filled with love. “Life for me began when I met you. I knew from the very first moment I saw you in Seokjin’s diner that I loved you. And ever since that moment, everything I did was for you. I love you, ___, I always have.” 
“Oh god Googie, I love you too.” You cup his cheeks. “My soulmate, my best friend and my parter for life.”
Jungkook smiles, leaning into your touch.
“Also my cute, sappy doofus.”
He giggles, agreeing with a nod.
“If I didn’t tell you how I felt tonight, I would have imploded. Witnessing my customer grieve so deeply really hurt me. I felt his pain as if it was mine.”
“Of course you did. You have such an empathetic, loving soul. I’m sure that he felt deeply comforted to be understood this way. I’m sorry that it made you feel so sad though.”
“Thank you”, he mumbles and sniffles, “I feel better already. Talking about it really helped. Thank you for listening. I love you  so much.”
“I love you too and I’m always happy to listen. We’re a team, we go through everything together.” 
He nods his head, eyes softening. 
“Maybe we could die together. When we're old like in- Oh no I’m crying again - like in The Notebook. ___, I’m so sad”, he wails, throwing his head back dramatically. 
“Gosh you, come here”, you chuckle fondly, hugging him again. 
“They were so in love and went together. I can’t do this today.”
“Gosh you, it’s okay. I’m right here.” 
“I can’t do this, please just melt into me.”
“I’m trying, I really am”, you tease, ruffling his hair. “You know I love you, don’t you?”
“I love you too, so much.”
“And I made Tangsuyuk tonight with lots of different sides.” 
“Wow, Tangsuyuk”, Jungkook whispers, forgetting all about crying at the mention of his favourite dish. “My favourite. Thank you so much.”
“Of course, everything for you my darling.” 
He lifts his head, letting you wipe his tears and snot.
“No, don’t. It’s yucky.”
“It is. So yucky”, you agree and scrunch your nose, “you snotty baby you.” 
A shy smile washes over his face. It morphs into a shocked gasp when seconds later you wipe his snot into his shirt.
“Did you just wipe my snot on my shirt?”
“Mhm I did”, you grin, standing up to run away from him, “what are you gonna do about it?”
Jungkook feels his heart flutter. When you are being playful like this, he forgets all about his sadness. He jumps to his feet, chasing you all the way to the kitchen.
“Come here you”, he calls after you.
You squeak and increase your steps, making him laugh and do the same.
He catches up with you, swooping you off your feet. You squeal and cackle, throwing your head back in joy as he twirls with you. 
After the twirling he has the audacity to wipe his nose into your shirt, snickering boyishly at the yelp of complaint you let out. 
He sets you down, laughing giddily when you push him away gently.
“That was so much. Why did you have to do that? Eww I can literally see the slime stick to the fabric.” 
Jungkook laughs, throwing his head back and rubbing your waist. 
“Tch, you’re rancid”, you say, swiping his hands away. You pull your shirt over your head.
“Baby wow”, he gasps, eyes instantly landing on your bared chest. “No bra?” 
“We’ve been living together for how many years and you still get surprised that I don’t wear that shit at home?” you ask him, leaving the kitchen. 
Jungkook follows you. You take the stairs down to the cellar where you have your laundry room. It is a very beautiful and homely cellar and feels more like an underground living area than an actual cellar. 
“Your boobs never lose their power. Obviously I’ll keep being surprised by them”, Jungkook says.
You scoff in amusement, wiping some disinfectant on the fabric. Jungkook is going to do laundry tomorrow either way, but you just want to get rid of the worst. 
Suddenly you have two hands on your breasts and two arms around you, a naked chest against your naked back and lips on your shoulder. 
“What are you doing?” you ask him in a chuckle, leaning into his embrace. 
“Just making sure that you’re real”, Jungkook whispers, guiding his kisses up to your neck and ear. 
“And you had to take your shirt off for that?” 
“It was dirty too”, Jungkook says and takes your earlobe between his teeth to tug on it gently, giving your breasts a playful squeeze at the same time. 
You shiver and laugh at the same time, placing your hands over his’. 
“For someone who had a sad day, you’re being very touchy right now.” 
“I’m not trying anything just…” he sighs against your neck, wrapping his arms around you as tightly as possible, “...I get happy when you laugh. And if my goofiness makes you laugh, I keep doing it.”
“It does. You do. You make me laugh a lot”, you say, having to laugh a second later when he blows raspberries on your neck. “Not like this! I hate this, it tickles”, you squeal in giggles, fleeing him as he goes in for a second attack. “Jeon Jungkook, keep doing this and I’ll die right now out of spite.” 
“No, you won’t. I won’t let you”, he says, picks you up and sits you down on the laundry machine. He is between your legs, hands on your waist and lips claiming yours in a kiss. 
You smile and hum, tangling your fingers in his hair. He smiles as well, tugging on your lower lip before putting distance between your faces.
You cradle his cheeks, rubbing them softly. He leans into your touch, rubbing your waist. His eyes are spilling over with love and as he speaks, he does so in a soft voice.
“I just love being alive with you”, he says. He caresses your waist, your hips, your stomach and chest before landing on your face. “I love the way your skin feels, warm and soft. I love the way your hair falls, so beautiful and perfect. I love the way your eyes are so full of life and beauty and love how soft your lips are. You’re perfect and I love you.”
You smile, kissing his thumb as he guides it over your lips.
“I love you too, Kookie.”
“No but, I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Jungkook lowers his eyes shyly, “I’m sorry, it’s getting too much, right?”
You tilt his head back up, mirroring his adoring gaze, “this could never get too much, my sweetie.”
He smiles giddily.
“Although I do fear that dinner might be getting cold if we keep being so sappy.”
“Oh dinner! I totally forgot. Wow baby, I’m so happy to be home”, he says, widening his eyes dramatically and rubbing his own tummy, “I’m so ready to eat, wah baby seriously.”
You snicker, “me too, baby.” You jump off the washing machine and take his hand. “First I wanna put on a shirt though. I’m not down to get sweet and spicy sauce on my titties.”
“Why not? You have me. I can clean everything you get on your boobs. I promise, I’m an expert.”
“You’re a dork, that’s what you are”, you say in a chuckle and a fond roll of your eyes.
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Weasel
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Pairing: Fred Weasley x Ravenclaw!F!Reader
Summary: A back and forth with the infamous Fred Weasley sends the two nemeses into a back-and-forth that lands them in detention, where both their frustration and anger send them into a deep argument full of insults, tension, and revelations.
Warning: LONG, 8k words, lots of scene cuts becuz a LOT happens, rivals to lovers (not really, Fred's obsessed with reader and is a little shit), boy pulls on the pigtails of the girl he claims he dislike type trope, was forced to give reader at least a last name, same for her best friend ( went with one of the most generic name Tiffany), Fred being a little shit, argument, tension, reader is unhinged
A/N: Fun fact about this fic it almost included a Pygmy Puff before I checked and discovered that they were created by the twins for their shop and since they are still students I had to go and swap it up with a baby puffskein. No idea how to describe that fic, there will definitely be multiple parts, enjoy!
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There are no other places like Hogwarts.
The scenery, the castle's secrets, and the yearly competition between houses are something to behold.
But what might be icing on the cake is the library. The place where I can lose track of time all the while learning about the magical world.
The library has a hush rule but you can't help the coughs, the few ink pots falling to the ground, or even the giggles here and there but it doesn't bother me one bit, it even helps me focus as I enjoy yet one more day in the castle.
"Hi there Raven."
And there goes my enjoyment.
With a roll of my eye, I direct them toward the annoying voice belonging to none other than Fred Weasley who stands there with his satchel on his side leaning against one of the book-filled shelves.
"Weasel," I acknowledge him with a sigh looking back down at my page.
"Weasley," he corrects drily.
I brush him off as I finish my inked sentence and wait for it to dry before turning the page and asking him what he's doing here.
He leans on the table by his hip and crosses his arms inclining his head towards me, "What is it to you?"
"You being here is a bad omen so either you're here to sell your stupid stuff to the first years," I say glancing at his sachel for a second before looking back down at my work, "Or it involves annoying me and I'm having a good day to waste it dealing with you today."
I don't look at him and instead focus on my next sentence when I hear some shuffling and a piece of rolled-up parchment drops next to me that I recognize all too well.
"You must be kidding me," I groan snatching the parchment from the table.
"Unfortunately no. McGonagall benched me and said that if I wanted to stay on the quidditch team I needed a tutor."
His speech makes me groan as the lines reiterate his rant in a distinguished manner and is signed at the bottom by Professor Flitwick.
"McGonagall sent me to Flitwick who recommended you. Said you needed tutoring on your record."
I let go of the paper and join my hands together placing my thumbs on the base of my nose to try and diminish the incoming headache.
"Soo," he draws out attracting my gaze, "See you later, I'll be waiting for your owl."
I see him walking backward, all cocky as he dares to wink at me before turning around and descending the spiral stairs.
I audibly scoff and slam my notebook closed.
Yet another day ruined by that damn Weasel.
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"He's a pest."
"You're exaggerating again," she laughs at me standing up from her seat.
"No, I'm not!" I say shoving the last book in my bag as class just ended, "He's obnoxious and annoying and a nuisance to my peace," I stand up and follow right after her.
It's been a few days since my unfortunate meeting with the least likable Weasley in the library and the meeting with Professor Flitwick and McGonagall this early morning couldn't have gotten any worse since no amount of pleading on my part could get them not to assign me with him. As a supplement I had the redhead walk in on me pleading which had him reveling at my misery digging me into a deeper foul mood.
"He's a funny guy that sometimes goes too far," she says pushing a chair that wasn't tucked under its assigned table.
"He's the bane of my existence," I say full of venom.
She laughs walking toward the classroom's exit," That's romantic."
"No, saying someone is the bane of your existence isn't romantic."
"I'm sure you could turn it into something romantic, like a poem or a book about forbidden love," she daydream walking through the door.
"You read too many romance books," I say stepping outside the classroom when I freeze and feel like I'm going underwater as my body is iced out for a moment.
It feels as if I've been hit with glacius but I'm able to use my voice and squeal in shock as the feeling subsides and I'm brought back from my shock by two giggles.
I see two first-year Gryffindors laughing nervously before they simultaneously decide to run away, one of them letting loose on her wand that was levitating the bucket letting it fall on the ground with a loud clash.
I'm left in the middle of the open hallway surrounded by classmates who just exited their class.
The wind hits me and I feel my body shiver before I look up at my friend whose mouth is covered by her hands in surprise.
I hear it.
The annoying infuriating sound of distant laughter, one I cannot mistake for another.
My eyes zero on him sitting on the transfiguration courtyard's tree clutching his stomach as he laughs balancing himself on the branch.
"You were saying?" I ask her rhetorically still dripping in the pink-colored jelly-like liquid.
She lowers her hands and approaches me slowly trying to wipe my face.
I feel the bubbling of rage making its way up my throat with my breathing taking up seeing him seated up there on the branch looking like a king sitting upon the throne of his buffoonery surrounded by his brainless friends, or rather, George's brainless friends and it makes me snap.
I push her hand away and stomp my way through the hallway onto the courtyard's grass toward him.
"Weasley!" I yell as I march to him.
"Oh, now she remembers my name," he laughs out loud for his twin and his friends to hear as the number of students stopping by increases.
He slides off the branch with ease and starts strutting to me with this damn cocky smile.
George stands up from his leaning stance on the tree, "Fred," he says.
I don't know if it's a warning or a scolding but his intent doesn't matter to me.
My hearing is replaced with the beats of my heart drumming in my ears as my face feels as hot as lava.
My steps get bigger and bigger and the closer his infuriating smirk approaches, the rage escapes me as my hand swings back and closes into a fist before landing in his face mid-step.
The audible hit is met with a groan and while I'm far too small to send him to the ground with a punch it does send him swaying back and hunching over.
In a second George jogs to his twin and hands him support grabbing his elbow as Fred's groan turns into another one of his annoying chuckles.
"You see how she hit me?!" he shouts looking delighted by the situation before he lays his gaze back on me with a bit of blood on his teeth.
His smirk falls and I believe for a moment that I finally did it, I finally managed to instate fear in this jackass before I realize his gaze moved from my frame to someone behind me.
The buzzing in my ears ceases and my hearing comes back to me as the grass crunches under one's weight indicating someone approaching.
A cold sweat travels through my body when I turn around and spot none other than Professor Hooch standing tall in front of us.
By instinct, I take a step back and bump into Fred before jumping aside as if he burnt me which isn't far off as my knuckles are calling out for help burning and tingling from the impact it had on his cheek.
She sends us both one of her infamous hawk looks that could petrify Dumbledor himself, "I presume that display of violence can be explained by your appearance?" her pointed look is directed at me.
I try to wipe the substance off my hair with an annoyed huff.
Her eyes travel to Fred whose head is pointed down grabbing his chin and messing with his mouth moving his jaw from side to side.
"That rewards the both of you with an hour's detention," that answer makes him groan and I point at him with outrage.
"But he-!" My disbelief doesn't reach her before she cuts me off.
"You're both dismissed. Mr.Weasley, I advise you to escort your brother to the infirmary to tend to his injury. As for you, I advise you to go clean yourself up before heading to the infirmary as well, perhaps at a time Mr.Weasley won't be there," she finishes her sentence looking at George who acknowledges her insinuation with a nod.
Still clutching his jaw, Fred is led away by his elbow by George as Hooch walks to stand in front of me, "While I understand your frustration I did expect better from you than violence."
My eyes widen and the breath I take in is cut off, "He-"
"This isn't about Mr.Weasley's childish behavior, he will receive his punishment either way. What disappoints me is that you could've avoided any punishment by reporting this to me or any other professor in the area but instead, you will ecope of an hour's detention as well."
She says shaking her head as she walks away leaving me standing here in the courtyard covered in the substance and an aching fist that doesn't even feel satisfying knowing it didn't teach the jerk anything.
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"Why is it so windy today?! I thought it was supposed to be sunny!" I complain trying to be louder than the wind.
"No it's supposed to switch all day, look," my friend says motioning to the daily prophet in her hands bringing the paper closer to my face so I can see the weather section indeed announcing an insufferable change of weather all day.
"You can still spot the puddles from the rain earlier," Luna Lovegood points to the Quidditch pitch where the grass is still two shades darker and the random puddles of water stir with strength from the wind blowing.
My venting is interrupted by a loud collision that sends me twisting around back to the pitch to see Gryffindor and Ravenclaw teammates fighting over the quaffle like rabid dogs in what is supposed to be an amicable match as a form of training.
"Remind me again what's the point of an amicable match if there is no amicability?" I ask turning to face them just to miss the apparent goal from a Gryffindor through one of the Ravenclaw's lowest hoops.
I groan when I recognize the face of the person who managed to pass our defenses as he basks in the small victory.
"What is it raven?! Can't take in the sigh of greatness?!" he gloats seated comfortably on his broom with his red hair all tussled.
His pretentiousness blinds him and his arrogance leaves him to ignore the whistle suggesting the match continues and leaves a fellow Ravenclaw to score in a flash right behind him. The only indicator that anything happened at all is the small thunder of applause and shouts of approval coming from the small gathering of students who decided to kill time and participate in the amicable match to cheer each team on.
His head whips around and the sight of the opposite team scoring sends him tilting his head back with a groan that he tries to conceal but it doesn't escape anyone's notice.
The karma is enough but it is so rare to catch the weasel in one of his life life-learning moments that I don't hesitate before deciding that I need to add my little grain of salt to the wound.
I have it, I have the perfect response to give him right on the tip of my tongue and I wonder for a second if the smirk grazing my lips isn't a giveaway but my witty taunt is stopped when a broom enters my line of vision.
"See?! I told you your presence would do me good. Look at that, bullseye!"
I'm sure he means no harm, I know him to be humble but the poor lad either didn't see Weasley or simply decided to ignore his presence.
The fact that he is being ignored after being wrecked is sickly satisfying and my smirk manages to widen somehow.
It is clear he simply didn't see Fred as this one's scowl sends him silently flying away in an awkward, one-sided staredown that ends with him glancing at me with an uncomfortable wide-eyed stare, silently asking for help.
I stare at him flying further and further away and only look back when I notice George approaching his twin on his broom.
His frustration is clear and the eye roll along with his head thrown back pleases me a great deal.
The devilish idea is too good and it doesn't take a lot of self-convincing before I fall for temptation.
"What is it Weasel, too busy drowning in your own ego you can't pay attention?!" I shout so my sickly honeyed voice reaches him and George as I tuck my now pastel pink hair behind my ears.
'The concoction should last less than a week. This Flemont Potter was a genius!' nurse Pomfrey said.
The scowl adorning his face fills me with warmth and electricity buzzes through my veins knowing I have the last word for once.
"Nice hair," he tries himself at a desperate dig that does not work as Professor Hooch whistles for him to fly back to the match.
Turning his back to me, he flies back to the center of the field I can't help but laugh realizing that it's the first time he turns his back to me without walking away with the last word.
The whistle is blown and the speed at which each team goes at the other's throat could cause whiplash if one wasn't used to it.
I'm focused on a group of players when my peripheral vision drags my eyes to my friend throwing the quaffle with all his strength leaving another small group of three players to speed away.
Taking a moment to take in his throw he looks back down and waves at me with a smile, satisfied with his play.
I wave back with a grin of my own before he disappears out of my sight as a bludger hits him straight in the back of the head with a resounding thunk throwing him off his broom and crashing to the ground.
I hear a loud yell and realize it comes from me as my body instinctively reacts and bolts toward the pitch.
Professor Hooch is already by his side by the time I run to his limp self.
"Is he okay?!" I get caught off guard by my friend reaching him and kneeling at his side before I do.
I stand there looking down at him in shock as people start surrounding the area trying to take a look at the wounded on the ground when I notice the Gryffindor team lowering themselves on the ground including the culprit.
His quidditch robe swings with each one of his steps as he walks towards the commotion very slowly like in a trance.
"You too bring a stretcher," she says shooing away both a Gryffindor and a Ravenclaw player.
I hear George Weasley calling after his brother who has now reached Professor Hooch kneeling on the ground
"Is he okay?"
How dare he. His filthy meek voice asking about his well-being as if he isn't the reason my friend is lying unresponsive on the ground.
That familiar boiling sensation in my chest rises again and I feel my fists clenching by themselves.
Before I can comprehend my thought process I am bolting toward him. Still, before I can reach him George jumps in front of him getting ready for whatever, a whatever that does not come as I am held up by the waist by two Gryffindor players sensing the hostility.
"What is wrong with you!" I holler up in the air struggling with all my might against the hold of the chasers which is useless against the player's strength.
The rest is a blur, George pushes the douche towards the locker room as I follow the stretcher closely to the infirmary.
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"If you stare any harder you're gonna be the first third year student here to achieve wandless magic," she chuckles "It's you! You did this!" he yells shoving me back and sending me stumbling on the ground probably trying to get me as dirty as he is. back down at her textbook.
"False," I utter not leaving the weasel out of my burning stare.
I notice her raising her head from my side view in wonder.
"Granger," I state chewing on my thumb's fingernail.
The sight of him simply sitting there without any consequences under the excuse of 'it's part of the game, nobody can prove there were any malicious intents behind that strike' drives me mad and haunts my head with multiple scenarios of murder that keep replaying again and again.
"You have to let it go. Pomfresh said he'll be fine."
"He didn't deserve that strike it was targeted to piss me off because I got the last word," I say wincing when I realize I bit my thumb a bit too hard and drew some blood.
"It's part of Quidditch, many, many people took strikes to the head."
"Bullshit. A strike to the head during an amicable match? Come on," I roll my eyes frustrated that everybody seems so eager to just brush this incident off.
"I'm gonna start thinking you're checking him out and not actually glaring at him."
"Have you lost your mind?!" I say louder than intended, my head whipping left to glare at her this time.
There is no silence as the Care for the Magical Creature class takes place outside and the lack of chatter is covered up by the sound of wind rustling the nearest tree's leaves and the distant purrs and grumbles of the different creatures in their pen.
"Is there a problem?"
Unlike McGonagall or Snape, Professor Hagrid's tone of voice isn't accusatory but genuinely one of concern. This concern eats at me as the idea that he might believe even for a moment that my words are targeted towards him makes bile rise in my throat.
"No!" is my immediate response to reassure the professor but the rest of my explanation seems to be stuck in my throat as I have a hard time imagining myself explaining to the class that I was just defending myself at the mention of me hypothetically checking Weasley out.
That same person here in the open classroom with a side smirk plastered on his annoying face trying his best not to laugh at me, not because it would be rude but because not laughing at the right time alongside the rest of the class wouldn't be as satisfying as a full-on public humiliation.
I see Hagrid lowering his chalk and I can already foresight him asking what he might have done wrong which is not something you want to ask as a teacher in front of a bunch of ruthless teenagers.
His other hand joins in on the other starting to mess with his chalk making him appear anxious and way less mighty.
The awkwardness doesn't begin to measure to the remorse of having put him in this situation because of my impulsive nature.
"It's my fault!" my friend shouts in my defense.
Looking at her, Tiffany managed to snatch up a baby puffskein and hold it up to Hagrid's sight.
"I put him in her hair and she was afraid he would do a pooh."
The laughs are inevitable but I'm certain the 'do a pooh' will haunt my nightmare.
The mocking is a harmony of taunting and I can only look beside me to glare at her sitting there with the puffskein in hand as I wish he would just 'do a pooh' in her hands this instant.
At least Professor Hagrid seems reassured, smiles as the misunderstanding is cleared up, and turns back around to continue the lesson.
We're sent to different enclosures containing different creatures and are instructed to feed them to create a bond.
"Look at him acting casual as if he didn't send someone to the infirmary with a trauma to the head," I say full of venom seeing him being buddy-buddy with another Gryffindor girl as they try to feed Mooncalf in the open and have a laugh as they are surrounded by the eager herd starving for pets and seeds.
"Will you quit it and enjoy one of the only course that's relaxing here," she scolds kneeling closer to the ground to feed a diricawl who nibs at her finger affectionately before walking past her hand and pitter-pattering to her to lay his head on her chest to receive pats on his head.
"Plus you've already been told we can't know if the blow was on purpose."
"That's a load of bullshit and you know it, he's one of the best beaters here," I say with a pointed look at her throwing a violent handful of seeds towards the rest of the diricawls.
"Did I just hear you compliment Fred Weasley?" she says looking up at me with a teasing smile.
"It's not a compliment I'm just stating a fact, the probability of Weasley hitting someone right on the head by accident at such distance is close to none," I say throwing another handful as my eyes catch a paddock with dubogs in it, one in particular who is devouring the weasel with his bulgy eyes.
There are three dubogs in the small paddock and two of them are cooling off in the dirty pond uninterested in anything else but sunbathing with only their eyes above the murky water blinking one at a time as the third one is eating up Weasley with his eyes.
A devilish idea makes its way into my head. The opening I get is served to me on a gold platter as Tiffany is distracted by the herd of diricawl overtaking her landing her on the ground, surrounded.
My chance is heightened by Weasley's back turned to me talking with his little girlfriend.
I take my chance disregarding any rational thought invading my head. Sneakily climbing over the fence, I crouch and walk toward the desired enclosure. The creature doesn't seem to sense me approaching and if he does he doesn't seem to care one bit licking his eye and pawing the ground with his hind leg.
A part of me wishes I could egg him on and ask him if he wants to nibble on the Weasel's ankles but I'd rather not throw my plan out of the window. Instead, I carefully slide my arm to the latch and pull on it slowly to make sure not to make any noise before giving the door a small push to create the crack that seems to be enough to throw the creature out for a jog as he crashes against the paddock's door.
I don't get to see the seconds before the disaster as I have to hurry back and jump over the fence once again, running back to my friend and free her from the diricawl's clutches giving her a hand and raising her back up as the show starts.
The screams that grace my ears aren't from fear but more from shock as the tall redhead lands on the ground when I finally get to lay my eyes on him. The dubog licks him from bottom to top with the creature's natural dirt and slimey skin rubbing off on him as his Gryffindor girlfriend screeches for help calling for Professor Hagrid who runs up to help in a flash.
The man's height isn't only impressive and intimidating but also a great advantage to grab the massive creature off and drag it back to its enclosure where the other two are still sunk in the water, sunbathing and behaving.
Once shut close, Professor Hagrid grips the wooden bars of the enclosure to gather himself before turning around and helping Weasley up with just one hand gripping the back of his blouse. While he seems shaken up by the encounter, he tries to rub off some of the mud on his face but only manages to smear it looking around at the rest of us.
The reactions vary, some are as shocked as he is and others shrug off their worries and are now laughing at his appearance now that they've established that he is healthy and no longer in danger.
I myself giggle knowing that while I can't get him punished for his action back on the pitch, I get to watch him look like a fool and even up the score. My friend does not agree and lets me know by elbowing me in the ribs making me groan mixing laughter and painful grunts.
Laughter that is spotted by the redhead when his head whips to me before his eyes light up.
His eyes shift from eureka to burning hatred. Shrugging off the hand of his friend trying to tidy him up and storms in my direction.
"It's you! You did this!" he yells shoving me back and sending me stumbling on the ground probably trying to get me as dirty as he is. The confrontation is cut short when Hagrid once again showcases his immeasurable strength by yanking the weasel back with a tug on his now mostly white blouse and throwing him behind his eleven-foot frame that stands now right in front of me.
"Enough with the both of you!" his voice booms in the open area.
He takes a step back and I can get a peak at the redhead enough to see him huffing and puffing from being thrown around like a doll.
"This is a classroom, not a pub. Now the both of you will walk all the way up to Professor McGonagall's office and explain exactly why I had to send the both of you to her and she will be the one to give you your punishment!"
I look at him now, hair disheveled and his tie undone covered in dirt and mud and slime. He still looks somewhat decent as he pushes his hair back with a huff.
I must look just as messy with my pink hair having been thrown on the ground and I decide to tug at the end of my own blouse trying to tidy myself up and avoid any more wrinkles on it.
"Miss Granger, please accompany those two, you know what to do if they misbehave."
"She tried to kill me!" Fred yells pointing at me.
"Do you have any proof, Mr.Weasley?"
He seems to hesitate for less than a second before motioning to me with his hand in frustration.
"It's logical thinking, she hates my gut and she's crazy!"
"You jerk-!" I bellow throwing myself in his direction before I'm engulfed in the Professor's arms.
"Enough!" He yells once more letting me go only when I stop fidgeting in his hold.
"There is no way of proving the Miss did anything. This paddock's lock has been faulty for a while and after this incident, I will personally see that it is dealt with."
He says as if he was addressing the whole class who is still standing all around us watching the event unfold.
"As for the both of you, you will do as you're told and let Miss.Granger accompany the both of you back to the castle and receive the punishment the both of you deserve for the waste of both my time and your classmates' time."
The tone is harsh and the decision is final.
"I am very disappointed in the both of you. You're worth so much more than this petty rivalry," the man shakes his head walking away.
Those words seem to have the same result on both of us. We look down a bit ashamed before we are ushered away by Hermione as we start the long and silent journey back to the castle.
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We both stand in silence, side by side with yet a respectable distance as the two professors stand in front of us with judgmental stares that don't need any words to transcribe their distaste…or is it disappointment?
We were sent to our respective bathrooms to clean up 'as best as you can' while my request to wash off completely was denied by both teachers and so here I stand with the back of my blouse tainted by dirt as Weasley could barely wash the slimy texture out of his own blouse and barely dry it with what I believe might have been a spell.
And so here he stands looking dirtier than me despite the order to clean up.
"Now that the awful stench has been managed I believe a proper punishment is in order," McGonagall says with her hands joined in front of her.
"I agree, my cauldrons are in dire need of a scrub," Snape says with his usual disinterested tone.
Weasley starts protesting and claims that I should receive a harsher punishment for my so-called actions.
"She tried to kill me!" he protests.
"And as I told you Mr.Weasley there is no way for us to possibly prove this claim as Professor Hagrid did not see any of this unravel."
"Just like no one saw you throw that bulger." I bite under my breath.
"Exactly Miss.Hermlock. And I would suggest you speak with your full chest if you have any objection." Mc.Gonagall drily berates me.
"Snape-Professor Snape," he quickly corrects himself, "said multiple times that in such cases veritaserum should be used, and since she's SO confident saying she didn't do anything she won't mind doing this, won't she," he says towering over my side.
"I've always known you were a moron but I never thought you would outdo yourself in front of teachers," I smirk crossing my arms.
"Mr.Weasley, even with Miss.Hermlock's permission, the usage of such beverage on a student is forbidden. I would've hoped that with a father working for the ministry, you out of all of us would remember that."
My smirk doubles in size which I thought would never be possible.
In the end, my smirk is wiped away when we are both awarded two hours of detention with Snape. And as if it wasn't enough the punishment is cleaning the endless potion class's cauldrons.
We're ordered to go clean up, thoroughly this time and go for lunch before being expected in the dungeons for our detention hours.
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We arrive at the same time just as the last student exits the class, we are left standing side by side, or more precisely 3 feet away from each other as we walk in right in front of Snape's office where he is seated with his head down to his paper purposely stalling and letting us stand there in awkward silence.
What must've been minutes feel like hours as I try my best not to side-eye the redhead standing silently beside me.
I wonder if I should've refrained from opening that damn pen when I hear those continuous scraping of pen meant to insult us as the dark-haired teacher ignore our presence.
He finally puts his feather back in its inkwell before he stands resting both his hands on his desk, "I believe I don't have to remind you what you need to do during those two hours of detention."
Neither of us answers and that seems to egg him on to stand straight and walk around his desk to stand right in front of us, his hands placed behind him.
"You two will clean every single cauldron here, I made sure none of my classes cleaned their equipment to make sure the lesson will stick and you won't have to keep me company again on such a fine day," he says bending to my height and looking straight into my eyes for just a moment before moving his sight onto Weasley, "At least one of you will learn."
Standing back up his speech is interrupted by strong stomps getting closer.
Turning around, the three of us look towards the class's entrance as we spot for a single second a figure sliding across the entrance and disappearing with a loud thud that sounds painful.
It is the first time I make eye contact with the weasel since the last time we butted heads and it is to share a sour scrunched-up expression for the victim of the fall who we hear grunting in the hallway before the sound of their footsteps echoes once more and we see the face of the one who rushed here most likely to speak to Snape.
He's bent over leaning on the door out of breath.
"Berkshire, if you're done fooling around you may grace us with an explanation as to why you're disturbing this detention."
Still out of breath, Enzo Berkshire huffs and puffs for a few more seconds before settling down still bent over.
"It's Nott," he exhales deeply before breathing in once more, "He and Wood started a brawl between quidditch teams, Hooch told me to come get you."
Turning back to the teacher, his eye roll is noticeable and his silence is an obvious assessment of the situation as he probably is planning what to do now that he is torn between us two and the alleged brawl.
"Alright, As the head teacher of house Slytherin, I will accompany Berkshire and assist Professor Hooch in this conflict."
He points to us, "As for the two of you. You will stay here and complete your detention without any complaints. If you leave before your time is up, I will know and that will reward you an entire week of detention."
Pointing at Berkshire, Snape walks past us and orders him to lead them away and with a flick of his wand makes it known that it is thanks to that maneuver that he'll know of us potentially leaving the classroom.
"Behave." is all he says before walking right behind a speeding Enzo Berkshire.
I wonder if he was referring to the both of us or maybe just Weasley.
I don't get to ponder on that before my thoughts are drawn elsewhere at the realization that my worst nightmare is unfolding before me, I am now stuck with the most insufferable student here for two hours doing the most aggravating task besides cleaning the house bathrooms.
I only get back to reality when I hear him throw his robe and satchel on a nearby station.
Being left alone with him, the task at hand, and the absence of Snape to muzzle the redhead angers me as I frop my own bag and stomp to one of the sinks filled to the brim with dirty cauldrons.
I don't even get to enjoy a full minute of tense peace as the douchebag starts his usual yapping.
"Can't say I'm surprised he would leave me alone with you, Snape has always hated me and it's no wonder he left me with you considering you tried to kill me," he mouths off as always lifting a cauldron from its stove and piling it on top of another one.
"And yet you're still breathing, what a shame." I roll my eyes as well as my sleeves picking up a scraper.
A moment of silence passes and I pray this is the moment he realizes he needs to shut up so we can endure the rest of this detention in mild peace but alas this is a good idea and everyone knows that Frederick Weasley never had one of those in his life.
"Damn. The sorting hat must've made a mistake, maybe you belong with the other psychopaths in Slytherin." He throws both cauldrons beside the filled sink with a loud clang.
"I'm sorry but I'm not the one cladding the scales." I bite back.
"Oh, she has claws," he draws out loudly, his tone dripping with sarcasm.
"What is wrong with you?" I ask genuinely turning around to face him.
"No, the question is what is wrong with you," He asks back louder.
"Nothing is wrong with me! You're the one who can't figure out when to stop, you're the one who always goes too far and you're the one who went too far once again, so much so that you ended up sending my friend to the infirmary!" I hurl and see him losing that fire that usually overtakes his pupils showing he enjoys egging on people once they are set off.
"It's the risk when you play Quidditch," he tries and fails to sound firm in his statement making me scoff.
"For Rowena's sake, you're still acting as if you didn't purposely throw that bulger at him!" I say running my hands through my hair in frustration.
"I didn't!" he says even less believable.
Done with his excuses I turn back around to give all my attention back to the dirty cauldrons when he manages to slide between me and the sink making me take a huge step back.
"I didn't mean to throw it that hard."
I stare at him, no, I glare at him feeling the urge to punch him again but I remember that it didn't do anything for me the last time and instead opt to let out my frustration by hollering at him and walking away before I make the mistake of punching him and have a Professor magically appear out of nowhere to give me more detention again.
Even when I think I finally win and have him admit to his wrongs he still finds a way to make excuses for himself.
"What were you expecting?! I'm a beater that's what we do!"
Does he really think I don't know what a bloody beater is?!
Is he trying to make me pass off as an emotional wreck because of my appropriate reaction to such injury during a supposed amicable match?!
Any beater whether amateur or professional could agree that either maliciously or not that throw was unwarranted during training.
"There really is something wrong with you," I walk right in front of him, toe to toe, and spite my statement right in his face pushing him aside to gain back access to the sink.
I start scrubbing as my mind throws all the different reasons I despise the fucker. Irresponsible, unfunny, no compassion.
I'm so lost in my spiteful analysis of him that I don't register that my thoughts aren't my own anymore as I unconsciously start rambling out loud.
"An idiot who doesn't even think before taking people down with him," I grumble scrubbing away.
"Come on now it's not like he's dead," He nips throwing down yet another pile of small cauldrons beside me.
"I'm talking about me!" I yell letting go of my current task and letting the pot fall and clang with another one causing a ruckus in the sink.
"Not only is my friend in the infirmary because of you but I'm also stuck with you trying to teach someone who I learned has never been slacking in muggle history before recently."
His jaw slacks open and his eyes double in size like the breakfast sausages I had this morning.
"Wait a minute. You think I'm doing this on purpose?!"
You do everything on purpose! Your dad works for the ministry, he is a Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office employee dammit! If anyone is an expert at muggle stuff it's your dad!" I say as a matter of fact.
"And tell me exactly what would it bring me to purposely be bad at this subject all of a sudden?"
"Oh I don't know, maybe to annoy me more often than usual." it sounds like a question but I know I'm just clarifying the situation.
"You think I'm gonna waste my days stuck with you in the library acting dumb for fun?" he tries to ask sarcastically.
"And why not? Beside the library part isn't that what you do all day anyways?"
The quick wit seems like it struck him as he scoffs with a broad smile.
"If you want to be a failure for the rest of your life go ahead and be my guest but I'll ask you not to take me down with you."
That same disbelief smile disappears and leaves place for a blank look that doesn't often grace his face.
"Unlike what you think, success doesn't necessarily come from academic prowesses." he tries to bite.
"Obviously not when it comes to you." I mock before turning back around feeling satisfied for getting him not once but twice in a row.
The triumphant silence doesn't last long before he dwells in a monologue that I don't bother listening to. Instead, I tune him out and start scrubbing which helps to cover the annoying sound of his voice.
His speech feels like hours long but is probably just a few minutes tangent as by the time my ears recognize his next sentence I'm only done with the first cauldron.
"-With such a nasty attitude it's no wonder Murphy didn't show up to your date."
The cauldron clashes with another as I let it fall back into the abnormally huge sink before turning my head toward the nuisance of my life.
"How do you know about that?" the voice that comes out of my mouth is one I don't recognize.
He pauses and seems to hesitate.
"Heard Katie talk about it to her friend."
"I never said anything about it to Katie, 'matter of fact I never said anything about this date to anyone ever so there's no way you heard this through gossip."
"He told me." he tries again even less believable than the first time.
"Bullshit." I seeth.
It's bluff, while I believe I might know Murphy it's not to say that he isn't just like any other guy and simply good at hiding his real intentions.
He starts ranting about some story I can tell is made up on the spot and it's like the wheels stopped turning and the lightbulb lights up in my head with such intensity that the next words come out of my mouth in a loud realization that echoes his own.
"You did this, It was you!" I accuse him with a rageful glare.
He steps back and rolls his eyes tilting his head back, "Oh my-you know what?! Yeah, I did. I warned the guy and I did well because he deserved better than to be stuck on a date with a stuck-up cunt like you." he finishes his tirade by sticking his index finger in my enraged face.
"You're fucking evil." I spit it like it's a statement everyone agrees upon watching him turn his back to me walking farther away.
My outburst is so intense that I have to take a shaky breath and keep my tears at bay as my better judgment is thrown out the window and I decide to finally pour all my frustration out.
"You know, you always take some sick pleasure in telling me I'm cold-hearted," the beginning of my speech is shakey but I quickly regain strength in my voice to let out all my poison,"But you can't even own up to your own fucking flaws and the fact that you're nothing but a jackass who use your so-called 'pranks' to harass everyone in school because they know better to be friends with an asshole like you who's only friend is his twin because no one else wants to be around you!"
My rant is over and the only noise filling the space is my heavy breathing. Catching my breath I feel hot and can barely focus on anything other than my heart beating in my ears as I feel my boiling blood travel all through my body as I stare dead into the eyes of the one who brought me to such an extent of anger.
When my heart settles and I can finally hear my breathing slow down I can focus solely on him and realize that his stare is dead.
He's not glaring, he's just looking. All trace of anger is gone and he's left staring at me or rather through me with dead eyes.
I seem to have struck a nerve and for once the guy doesn't have a comeback. Instead, I'm rewarded with the shoulder shove of a six-foot-something figure who passes me to walk to the sink and starts scrubbing away…
What the heck?
The feeling of regret invades me for a moment but is quickly replaced by one of annoyance.
Why should I feel regret? It's not like he ever feels regret for the horrible things he does. He never apologizes to anyone no matter how far he crosses the line.
The regret quickly fades and I instead let the small spot of confidence inside me grow. It's the first time I've ever shut the mouth of the biggest jerk there is, why shouldn't I enjoy it as long as it lasts?
After everything, I'm entitled to this. I'm entitled to twist the knife.
I take a first careful step and then a second, more confident one closer to him and the sink.
"Yeah, I might be a cold-hearted bitch. But you're an arrogant jackass who's not even funny." I say more calmly yet still petty.
"Oh piss off!" he shouts throwing the cauldron back into the sink with a smash that I wonder might have actually shattered or maybe chipped one of them.
I jump aside to avoid another shoulder shove and follow him with my eyesight to spot him grabbing his stuff and realize he is trying to escape this detention to avoid my lash-out.
Figuring out his plan I catch up and run past him to stand in front of the door blocking his way out.
"No! No, You called me what you called me and now I get to call you whatever I want!"
I wonder for a moment why he doesn't push past me, for sure his frame can easily overpower mine but instead of crashing into me to walk out of the potion class he instead turns around and throws both robe and satchel on a station with a shout that almost rivals mine.
"Alright then let's go ahead, get it all out of your system sweetheart." He snarls standing in the middle of the class, his arms expanded before he places them on his hips.
"You!" the bitter tone escapes me in a rough huff as I point at him, "Have done nothing but make my life hell since the day I arrived." I start walking towards him, "And for what? I have NEVER given you any reason to hate me and yet I have been the target of so many of your pranks that I started being known as the damn Weasley's guinea pig!" I throw my finger in his direction before it falls back on my sides as I walk slowly but with conviction towards him.
"There we go!" he says faking being proud probably to egg me on in my rant with a sick smirk bending down to my eye level and crossing his arms probably to toy with me and undermine me as he always does.
"You do nothing at school but be a nuisance and waste everyone's time including mine and it's so sick to think that you can't even let others be successful just because you can't achieve anything on your own, it's pathetic!" I'm getting closer, almost toe to toe with the redhead who doesn't take a step back and stays planted where he stands or rather is bent over.
"Come on let it all out," he snarls.
"But somehow I was still stupid enough to think that this time you would have the decency to at least admit you went too far and apologize for hurting my friend but even then you cannot take responsibility as always," I finish my tirade taking my final step right in front of him as our noses brush.
"Anything else?!" he angrily spits in my face with a scowl.
I breathe in harshly wishing I could punch him or clap back like I did before but realize if my rant hasn't aroused all kinds of empathy it is useless to keep calling him names it won't male a difference.
"Yeah, your attempt to make me look ugly by turning my hair pink completely failed because I still look good unlike you," I say sourly throwing a glance at his mop of hair.
He sneers.
His arms that were crossed in front of him manage to travel up and brush strands of hair behind my ears before his fingers slide down and twirl the locks in his hands toying with them.
When I'm done bathing in the hatred coating his eyes I notice I'm not the only one panting when I feel his breath brush my face.
Why is he panting? I'm the one who just rambled angrily for five minutes.
"Got it all out?" he says calmer this time around.
I look at him and my eyes make the mistake of switching between his eyes and lips just a second to see his doing just the same and analyze my face.
We haven't moved from our spot and I don't know why.
"Yeah, I think so," he whispers his lips brushing over mine with each syllable.
He stands back up, his hands leaving my hair and falling back to his side as he brushes past me leaving me to stand there frozen trying to comprehend the goosebumps littering my body and my hands shaking by my hips.
I manage to turn around and see him grabbing his stuff and making his way to the class entrance once more.
I find my voice, less confident than before but still strong enough to try and stop him.
"What are you doing detention isn't over yet!" I begrudgingly state.
"Then I guess I'll get a week's worth of detention!" he announces walking out with one hand clutching his satchel and the other one throwing his robe over his shoulder.
He's gone, and in the newly found silence, I breathe out through my nose and assess what just happened.
Weasley just mocked me, pissed me off and egged me on, undermined me, and left me in a classroom filled to the brim with cauldrons to clean all by myself after toying with my anger, my hair, and…
My hand bolts into fists and my nails sink into my palms as I conclude what I already know.
I hate him.
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Bath and Body Works has their Autumn scented candles out, for anyone who is interested
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I haven't been involved with coaching for almost 3 months now and somehow I am still getting dragged into the drama.
#personal#move back to your small hometown they said#it'll be fun they said#me chanting over and over again:#if you live here you get to see your family all the time#(this is a good thing for me i love my brother and his family)#dude honestly this whole thing is just hilarious at this point#anyway newest drama is that one of the parents thinks it's suspicious that i 'quit' the same time my best friend moved away#the shit that is being said about us right now??? fucking wild#i haven't told any of those kids why i really left because they don't need me to be gossiping about their current coach to them#that would be so unprofessional of me#i say like she wasn't spreading rumors about me to THEM directly last year#we are all in our 30s here why are we acting like fucking teenagers still#i'm about to be real petty when i go visit next week though#'oh my god you won't believe what i heard crystal is telling people at her salon'#to the coach not the kids lol#i have a sneaking suspicion that the she is involved in this gossip in an adjacent way not directly#and i want her to think about the shit she says before she says it#she's mad that i don't want to coach jv when i told her multiple times i don't want to run my own program#and that i'd be happy to help her out as an assistant coach but that having to deal with parents is my worst actual nightmare#see what's happening right now#literally the only reason i applied is because i love those kids and they were all freaking out about my friend leaving#because they thought their current coach was also going to be leaving#and i was like hey i won't leave you guys don't worry#it's her fault that she chose not to include me in any of her brainstorming for next year#if she really wanted me to be involved she would have been talking to me about it back in april#i'm literally barely pulling myself out of my grief hole about losing coaching#and i could have stayed around but i would have been miserable#because it wouldn't have been in the capacity that i really wanted#oof okay i feel a little better after venting a bit
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hecksupremechips · 7 months
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The best feeling in the world is when there’s a piece of media you know you love and you’ve hyped it up as your favorite thing for so long but you haven’t revisited it in a while so you start to worry if it’s really as good as you make it out to be and so you go back and revisit it and it’s like. Oh this is even better than I remembered this shit rules
#the klock keeps ticking#i always get this feeling when i play 999 but tonight i got it with the letter#cuz ive uh finally decided to bite the bullet and play the evil meanie route where everyone dies 😟#a route ive put off for so long cuz its just too damn sad to think about akjdksk god it hurts#and ive played like for the most part every route of this game EXCEPT this one but i know the ending is really dark and i need to see it#plus i will at least get my beloved torture scene in so thats nice#i didnt kill off isabella though its a coma route which i hope still allows me to get the ending i want cuz i mean shell still be out of#commission in the final scene so hopefully it works out#but yeah no i started off tonight on the marianne chapter and while i did skip around through it cuz ive played it many times and i just#wanna get to the important stuff already alskj i also just replayed some of the best parts#aka the shit where lorraine appears and the gay shit alksks and god like hnnnghh not only does this chapter still ruin me emotionally#i also just remembered why i love this character so much and remembered just how good the character writing in this game is#and i also played into the rebecca chapter and didnt skip as much cuz i actually am not as familiar with the coma route#cuz it makes me sad and i never revisited it lol and i havent gotten to The Scene that makes me sob yet#its so coming though dont worry but idk i guess its just been cuz ive been thinking about p3 so much lately#and in particular shinji both the death route and coma route but in particular the coma cuz thats what im writing#and damn lol the letter just writes the grief and nuanced relationships and death stuff so much better lol god#like marianne loses her childhood best friend whom she has a gay ass relationship with to suicide and like its just better#she blames herself and still isnt even kinda okay with it after 13 years#like it just fucking ruined her and the only thing keeping her from losing it is her repression and drinking problem and unattached sex#and then with coma route well fucking first off isabellas friends actually like. visit her frequently damn#and they just all have such unique ways of coping like Zach is being optimistic so no one gets too upset#rebecca is sorta in charge of making sure everything goes smoothly she has to contact the family and make big decisions#and shes also just taking the most stress and shes got so many complicated feelings around isabella going on but she genuinely cannot stand#that isabella is hurt shes fucking destroyed she loves isabella and then ashton AAAAA god yeah i also just remembered that hes SUCH a good#character hes like being a genuine asshole right like Rebecca calls to tell him that isabella is comatose now and he literally doesnt let#her say anything he literally says ‘i dont have time for other things rn’ like the wellness of his friend is just ‘other things’#but you just know thats not it not at all hes burying himself in work to the point of destruction so he can figure out who did this and make#everything okay and he refuses to show even an ounce of vulnerability cuz THE SECOND HE DOES IT ALL COMES OUT AND HE CANT GET OUT OF BED#ANYMORE CUZ HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY WHEN THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE IS DYING
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arolesbianism · 6 days
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Mental health shit is kicking my ass but at least I have my silly guys
#keese draws#eternal gales#oc art#oc#my birthday is in a few days btw wish me luck#I’m trying to be excited best I can but yknow#I’m hoping that my friends and family do a good job at distracting me from the horrors for all that#which I’m sure they will they do a great job at keeping me from losing my shit on days like that#we’re going to eat good food and play games and it’s going to be fun and I’ll be happy#just need to hold out and not freak out too much in the meantime lol#but yeah I’ve been considering tweaking a couple of the staliens antennae recently#hence the mason#but I’m not sure if I’ll commit#most of the cast has fairly distinct antennae from eachother with mason being the main problem child to me#if I was willing to draw more detailed antennae then I’d go absolutely ham with everyone’s antennae but I’m not so#I’m mostly thinking abt this because I drew odile as a stalien a few days ago and gave her some fancy antennae#in my minds eye her antennae are Huge and she uses the to help read carved languages#the actual main stalien cast have very normal not noteworthy antennae except for sorta beats but having two pairs isn’t even that uncommon#but admittedly I am half tempted to try giving one of them huge antennae simply because it’d be fun to draw#but none of them rly fit the bill for that except maybe butter but they already have long ass ears they don’t need both#I should rly go fill out everyone’s toyhouse bios at some point I did like two or three a few weeks ago then gave up#and I didn’t even do any of the staliens I think I just did aris and sier#I also need to fix their mini playlists I have on their profiles but that can wait#anyways I now need to do some fun 2 am cleaning I was supposed to do hours ago#I got distracted drawing
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nosleep83 · 1 year
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‼️REALLY LONG VENT IN THE TAGS PLS SCROLL PAST IF YOU DONT WANNA SEE THAT OR ANYTHING IM OK JUST FRUSTRATED (Ik I also say this in the tags but just in case)‼️
Maybe I do need to see a therapist 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
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haysgrove · 1 year
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vent in tags dont mind me ✌️
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Do you ever think about how all your hobbies started as a way to bond with someone and that they’re more someone else’s than your own? And that when they leave your life the hobby is ruined and you can’t do it anymore. So as everyone leaves a chunk of your leaves to. And since your only personality besides being a melodramatic asshole is hobbies or habits you took to please be like others you are loosing more and more of yourself? Doesn’t that make you scared for when in 6 months you’ll move out to college and won’t see most of these people ever again? So you have to throw everything in the shredder and be a blank slate for god knows how long? And since then you’ll be so blank no one will notice you you won’t get anyone to mimic which means you’ll just be like that forever? Being a blank no one shell? Do you think about that?
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nat1nonsense · 2 years
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Just thought about the shadowgast epilogue from the reunion two-shot, when is it my turn to be happy?
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pilotstreets · 2 years
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god. not to be sad online. but im sad online
#um. sorry i went on a really really long rant abt my emotions in the tags. hehehoho im sad!#im just like. there's no way im getting older. i feel like i haven't changed since i was 14 and i feel so disconnected from everything#my birthday is in like 3 weeks but i keep thinking im turning 15 or 16 again and i'll be able to live my teenage years again and#do it right this time or something but no! that's not how that works! obviously!#when my best friend turned 18 she immediately started saying ''im an adult im different im older'' but like#i think about how i'll be 18 soon and im just scared and im going to be holding onto teenage years and#fantasies about them that will never happen and it's just exhausting#i know i sound like such a dramatic teenager but i AM a dramatic teenager!#i had so much shit happen to me that made me lose out on so much of being a teenager and it's like#crushing that i'll never get those years back and other peoples choices ruined my life before i had a chance to have much of one#and i've missed out on so many experiences that all my friends got and i feel such a barrier between me and other people#for that reason and i also feel a disconnect between me and literally everybody i know#and making friends is literally impossible for me anymore and i just feel like i keep losing friends and one day i'll wake up and#i won't have anyone anymore. and i find it hard to talk to people who were my best friends for awhile and i just fall deeper into this#pit of loneliness every day and there's nothing i can do so i just give up. i dunno#im so tired and im just so so lonely and done with. existing#and im also never anybody's first choice which is always annoying but#and it's just.... heartbreaking to think about how my best friend will never choose me when her other best friend is there and#how when we all hang out they're both actually mean to me and there's just nothing i can do other than text my mom and cry#and it makes me doubt how much she cares if she gets that way so easily y'know?#ugh it's all juvenile problems but they just weigh so heavily on me :/#okay enough oversharing online for the night im going to sleep now. then tomorrow i'll just#have the same thoughts and it'll only get worse
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fingertipsmp3 · 2 years
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Anyone else having an absolutely unhinged week or is that just me
#i have gone from having a reliable and secure professional job with a pension plan and benefits to completely unemployed in 4 days#(by choice. i got in an argument with my boss about responsibilities and i was like ‘look this is stressing me out to an insane level#and i don’t think i can do this. i don’t think i’m right for this. i’m going to resign’ and now i’m looking for retail jobs)#and on some level i regret it. like there’s so many things i never got chance to do and maybe i should’ve given it longer?#but my boss wasn’t budging and didn’t try to convince me to stay and i was just like.. fuck this#and literally every time i’ve seen my best friend this week (which has been several times because we’ve both just been like ‘do you want to#go for a walk so we can scream in the countryside?’ and the other person has been like ‘omg yes’) she’s had a fresh tragedy to tell me about#her niece had a miscarriage; her sister-in-law (niece’s mom) is booking herself into a hospice and both family dogs are sick#one is wearing a cone and might have to lose her eye; the other is probably dying#it’s just way too much#and i accidentally insulted her daughter’s dad and the little girl shouted ‘MY DADDY!’ indignantly#and i was like.. oh god. why did i never think about the fact that of Course she can understand me#and yeah her dad is a waste of space but she does usually see him at least once or twice a week and she adores him#it is not up to any of us to poison her against him. we shouldn’t be doing that. this situation is fraught enough#like it is bad enough that he wants to take my friend to court to get unsupervised visits….. if she cheerfully says ‘auntie ellen said daddy#is a bastard’ anywhere in his vicinity this shit is about to go pearshaped#i just am so tired. i want to abscond. i wish i’d stayed in america#i think next steps are like.. recharge. do some autumn cleaning (sort out clothes & donate old stuff i don’t wear to charity).#apply to retail jobs until i get something that isn’t awful and then just sit in it until i come up with a phd idea and can abscond#but in the meantime if you need me i’ll be watching daytime tv in my blankie#personal
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piratadelamor · 2 years
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self isolation as a form of self preservation is going to end up killing me someday
#im already a fucking adult if i dont do something about this shit im gonna be lonely as hell#i just wish i had made friends at college like everyone else#instead of the poor choices of friends i made when i got in for the wrong ideas i had about the type of person i wanted to be#i simply ended up with no friends at the worst place to make friends#imagine me having 8 different classes each semester. each class had about 60 different students#each subject had at least 4 different teachers teaching that so you could choose when and who to take that class with#850 new students each year it was rare to end up on the same class as someone twice#unless you were already friends before and decide to take the classes together#most of my classes didnt have group projects either. no dynamic stuff just reading and reading and reading#it. was. HELL#i actually had like 3 people i could call my friends there but our classes never matched#and im not an easily approachable person i wanted to DIE when i made a friend there that told me she was scared to talk to me before#how many possible friendships i lose all the time for seeming unnaproachable?? for my fucking face bro i cant do shit about it#today my best friend from work also told me that when she first met me she thought i was cold and arrogant#but that i also seemed cool so she was like ok lets give her a chance#i keep fucking hearing it all the fucking time i have MANY friendships that started just like this. people judging me at first#this is so sad and lonely to me i dont wanna be this person#one time a friend also said something like im glad im already your friend id be scared of you if i didnt know you#like????? scared of WHAT. i never treat people badly. i dont fight i dont do gossip i dont do anything to hurt anyone#im always trying to get people together and have fun i always talk to everyone im always nice to everyone#im always trying#so why the hell people still think im unnaproachable#i dont get it i've been hearing this from FRIENDS my whole life. not from people who dont like me its people who LIKE me that say this#what the hell am i doing wrong besides being born with my fucking face#and then. above all. to make it all worse. i self isolate bc im scared of rejection. man i fucking hate being me#i really dont wanna be lonely
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distantwave · 2 years
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#just reread all of our texts from when everything went down bc I felt like being in a bad mood evidently but#god it pisses me off to no end how she fucking handled everything. like I know it’s obvious she was going through something and just#using me as an outlet or something and projecting things onto me but still. fucking DAMN dude what WAS that#looking back I do actually think I handled it literally as best as I could’ve. but shit still sucks dude! I hate that this is how it went!!#reading my pleas to talk to her in person followed up a week later with .I’m going to rip the bandaid off since u brushed over everything#MOTHER FUCKER YOU DIDNT EVEN GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO BRUSH IT OFF YOU WOUDKNT SPEAK TO ME!!! FUCK!!#had talked to my therapist at the time about it a tad but the fact that this event has happened multiple times has majorly fucked with me#had asked her what I’m doing that people consistently refuse to talk to me about things until it boils over and our relationship ends#abruptly and violently every time. I mean EVERY time!! this is the third time it’s happened!! obviously I’m doing something!!#and I’m so scared of it ever happening again. this was definitely the worst it’s ever been but I can’t go through that again I can’t I cant#I love the friends I have now so so so dearly they are such amazing people and I don’t think they would do something like that to me#and it would be cruel of me to think they would even be capable of it either#but it really seems like there is some part of me that is so overwhelmingly unbearable that given enough time I have the capability to just#push people over the edge. and I don’t know what to change about myself to ensure it doesn’t happen bc I don’t know why it happens#and I’m constantly terrified of losing them but I don’t want to be overbearing or like? manipulative or some shit and constantly ask for#reassurance bc that seems like it would get old fast#but also there are things I want/need to talk to like. someone about and idk if I need to just save it for a therapist and not bring it up#otherwise bc it’s. like heavy stuff I guess. and it had felt good to be able to talk about things with just a friend previously but I know#the fact that I did that played a part in what happened. but I really need to talk to someone about any of it#and I don’t know how to do so without just spewing everything out at once and just completely overstepping boundaries I guess#and I hate that she’s the only one who knows everything. there are so many things that took me so long to open up to people about and she’s#the only person who knows EVERYTHING. and it’s unbearable. it actually is. I don’t know how to start over. in a way that’s healthy for#eveyone involved. but I know it’s also bad to keep everything from people#idk when reading her texts she kept bringing up that it felt like I never trusted her or let her do anything for me. and I see where she#was coming from. but at the same time I thought I leaned on her so much. I guess I’m realizing I’ve never actually had a healthy#friendship/relationship that’s lasted before. that’s really fucking sad lmao. I’m genuinely a shitty person a bit I think#euuugghhhh okay enough is enough I guess
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saltpepperbeard · 2 years
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So your thoughts on the witcher news...
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aw-bean-s · 10 months
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sometimes I just wish my friends liked me the way other people's seem to
#Being angry sad at my best friend hours again#I just can't believe she'd fucking do that to me so casually and not even fucking regret or be sorry a little bit#Just a fucking iota of sympathy or fuckin compassion is all I am fucking asking of you#Doesn't tell me shit then tells me I'm bad at communication#Tells anyone BUT ME about our relationship so I'm always the last to fuckin know#Doesn't tell me things for literal YEARS so I can't fuckin help then gets mad when I didn't do anything#And then she's surprised when I end up in these shitty codependent relationships with other people and don't believe that she likes me#Or wants me at all even#She's just such a fucking callous fucking hypocrite and I fucking hate her but also I can't fucking lose her#Fuck she's such a bitch sometimes#She just hurts me and then expects me to still be there in the end!#And I'm not helping myself by STILL FUCKING BEING THERE#I just wish she liked me#And saw that she has Systematically fucking destroyed my trust in other people#She hurt me and she doesn't even fucking care#And the thing is I spent so SO long thinking I was everything wrong in our friendship#That if I could just be a good enough person I'd be good enough for her eventually#But I never fuckin have been have i! Because I'm not a fuckin mind reader!#I spent so long feeling like shit and wishing I could just be better but not knowing how#And then she drops the bomb that she's been actively keeping shit from me and excluding me since 2020! So fuck me I guess!#And there's all this fucking hurt but also this weird peace of 'oh. I wasn't everything wrong.'#Which also makes me so fucking mad because if she'd just TOLD ME I couldve spent so much time NOT HATING MYSELF#For problems that I couldn't fix because she wouldn't TELL ME ABOUT THEM!#I spent so long feeling like I wasn't enough and knowing something was wrong but she wouldn't tell me WHAT#And now it's my fault that I couldn't just figure it out! Fuck off!!#She is so fucking good at making people feel like shit#And after all of this! She doesn't get why I don't belive she likes or wants me! What the ACTUAL fuck!#And now I gotta tell her all this because despite all of this I do love her and belive my life is better for having her in it#And I gotta tell her without her deciding I'm not worth it and leaving so that's fucking cool#I'm half convinced shes manipulating me so I leave her and she can be the victim of big mean Lachlan and maintain her moral high ground
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