#my commute to uni and back home is longer than this lecture

[erbiumspectrum]

Class schedule for the upcoming semester has just come out and it sucks, but it'll suck even worse if I don't get to sign up for the classes and groups that I want, so please cross your fingers for me Friday morning :')))))

[the---hermit]

10|02|2025

Today was a rollercoaster. And by rollercoaster I mean a descent into hell. It started great, with a slow morning routine, I was at my desk working by 8.15, I saw the tiniest bird at my window, I was living my best life. Then things started to progressively go worse, with me not realizing that the clock on my laptop has misteriosly gone back of several minutes, which means that I sat at my desk for longer than I had planned. I had to eat my lunch very quickly and then run to the bus stop. Then everything fine until I found out that the lecture room we are having this new class in is a clost at best, with plastic chairs and no tables. Safe to say that I would have been much more comfortable sitting on the floor. I left with a back pain that hopefully will go away but of we keep staying in that room I honestly don't know how I will manage. My two hour bus ride to get home was a nightmare, I felt motion sick which happens super rarely, and now I feel very lightheaded. I just hope tomorrow will be a bit better because this was not a good start of the week.

1/50 days of productivity:

read in the morning

finally put back in my wardrobe a pile of clothes that had been on my desk for way too long

started watching and annotating the recorded lectures for my spaces and places of knowledge class

packed my backpack

commuted to uni and took a walk from my bus stop to my uni and back, and went to the bookshop to get a book for my mom

attended my first in person lecture of the year and started a new class

practiced Irish on duolingo

📖: Witchcraft for Wayward Girls by Grady Hendrix

[halfwayup]

the unfortunate thing about having realisations is that you can’t un-realise them. they stick with you, whether you want it or not. you can try to suppress them for a while, but it never really works. believe me, I have been trying to suppress everything about me for the majority of my life.

anyway, I have been finding myself in the shit position of having had a realisation. it lingers trough my morning coffee and the one and the two hour commute to uni. follows me into the lecture halls. to work. I am having a drink with my friends, and it’s still there.

adulthood has reached me, finally. there is nothing that I can do to undo it. returning to the town that I grew up in every day. riding my bike along the same route I have since I’ve been six. my parents house. my childhood bedroom. it feels wrong to be an adult in here. so many people that have been in here that I haven’t seen for longer than I knew then. the walls have been to close for a while know.

I feel bad for my father sitting alone in the living room. I know that I am being a bad child. an ungrateful one. I know that I should reach out. put in more effort. I can’t ignore the screams that yell at me to stay as far away as possible. it’s unfair. the uneasy feeling lingers, so I leave, lock me into my room. it’s impossible to feel at home in palace where you have to walk on eggshells.

I used to be so afraid of being 18, because I was so sure that I would turn into an adult over night. it’s weird to explain it later, how it happened many years later, over a long time, but also all at once and much faster than I ever expected. how it pulled me apart at the seams and how I put myself back together, all grown. how nothing fit afterwards, for a while. how many things still don’t fit quite right.

I am trying to fix them, though.

moving out.

going to therapy?

spending time with my friends.

spending time with my family? it’s difficult. they are the reason why I want to get away. most people my age have moved out already. it’s normal. I wonder why I still feel so guilty and I feel bad for knowing that it’s my father who is holding me back. he has been feeling like a stranger, lately. I wonder if that’s a normal part of growing up. I know it’s not. I am feeling guilty of not feeling the same towards my mother, ever.

I wish that things would be different and I wonder how much it’s going to hurt to admit that things haven’t been quite alright, ever. with me. with my family. fucked up dynamics all around. it’s weird to tell people. I don’t know what to say. no one ever says anything and no one has ever asked.

I know what it would sound like and it wouldn’t sound good.

I think about how bad things are. I can’t breathe properly in this house. Once I go away, there is no coming back. It’s scary, scary, scary. I am mostly scared of how relieved I am going to be. and how quiet, in the first few days, when I forget that there is no one but me in the house. how I can be just myself.

- 10/23

[writeroftheprompts]

Back to School Tips

A lot of you might be going back to school soon (like me) or have just started. Since I’m starting my fifth year of uni (it’s a six year program 🙃) I figured I would share some of my findings. These things have gotten me through four years of university so far while working part-time with a great GPA, decent sleep, and time for myself. School is damn hard and I’ve made plenty of mistakes and had plenty of break downs but it doesn't have to be as bad as it seems.

Plan. Your. Shit. Listen, listen, I know this is what everybody and your mother tells you to do but there’s a reason. The thing is you need to plan ahead as much as you can in the best way that works for you. The next four points are about planning and getting organized and it’s what works best for me so maybe it can help you or you can incorporate some of those points in your own technique. But whatever you do. Plan your shit.

Use a calendar. If you are in college/uni you probably have a syllabus from your classes that breaks down what your readings will be and at least roughly when assignments and tests will be. In September an essay that is due in mid October seems like a far away problem, and realistically it is, but that doesn't mean it can't help you plan. Go through the syllabi and mark down when each things will be due. I like using the calendar app on my phone/laptop and make a different “calendar” for each subject with a different colour so that I can see everything easily. This can help you see things better at a glance and help you plan other things that pop up in the future.

Break down your time. If you can break down your time into specific chunks of time it will help you focus on that task and also allow you to rest. For me, I plan what I’m going to work on during my commute to campus (I take transit) and depending on my schedule I’ll also plan out chunks between classes or specific chunks when I’m at home. The key is SPECIFIC chunks, not just “On Tuesday I'm going to do X”. These chunks keep you accountable to yourself so you don't keep procrastinating it later in the day, help get your mind set on the task, keep you organized, make the task seem more manageable by creating a limit, and also help you allow yourself to relax. If you tell yourself “I’m going to work on my paper between 11am-1pm” and you buckle down and do it for those hours, then you can rest easier and not feel as guilty during your down time that you aren't working on something else now. You planned what needed to be done, assigned the chunk, and now it’s time to relax. Breaks. And. Rest. Are. Necessary. 

Build a routine. I like to plan out 1-2 weeks ahead of time. On Sunday I will plan out my studying for the next two weeks, as best as I can because there are always unknowns and things that pop up, and then the next Sunday I’ll plan out the following week. This means that things won't sneak up on me. It takes a little trial and error at the beginning of the semester but eventually I find a routine where, for example, I will do the weekly readings for one class on the Monday commute and another after lunch on my day off etc. Extra chunks are left over for assignments and things that aren't regular weekly tasks. Sometimes those chunks are left free (or for getting ahead if I want), sometimes on really busy periods I have to create more study chunks, but at least I have a routine to know what needs to be done when. 

Be realistic. So how do you actually assign these chunks? Underestimate yourself. Seriously. You think you can create that whole presentation in two hours? Give yourself more time. Maybe it actually takes less time in which case, congratulation, but if not you may be putting yourself in unnecessary stress. I actually like to make my own due dates for assignments a day or two before it is actually due. For example, if I have a research report I will plan out chunks for outlining, a few for writing and researching, editing and then actually write in the plan, highlighted, FINISH REPORT on the chunk I intend to finish so I can make sure I’m on track. Then I’ll add an extra chunk just in case but I don't actually expect to need it. It’s a fail safe for when something goes wrong or there’s something unexpected. Again, breaking down your time like this will keep you organized and on task when you need to be, but also help you see that all work you have to do isn't as all-consuming as it seems. You’ll be okay.

Here is a post I made a while back about research tips.

Use the library. Duh, right? But this is more of a money saving tip. This might not be too helpful to everyone but since I’m in English and History a lot of my readings are from novels and books that are readily available at the library. Rather than buy all the books, I try to find them at my university library or even my local library. I still have to buy a lot, especially textbooks that I’ll actually be using all year or in the future, but for that $20 novel I’ll only need one week I get it from the library. Those little books really add up and I save a few hundred every year. You can even use OverDrive which will connect to you free ebooks and audiobooks you can access through your local library. Best part is it is completely legal and you can download them on your phone with the app so you can read whenever you have time and the book will automatically be returned when the loan is over. 

Find the study environment that is right for you. This will be different for everyone. For me, I work best when I’m alone and with background sound. This is why working on a bus, in a noisy student centre or with instrumental music works well for me (music with lyrics is distracting). Some people need silence. Some people like study partners to bounce ideas or even just sitting at the table with them, but for me I know that sitting with friends will inevitably lead to chatting. Sometimes it’s nice just to talk over ideas but when I really need to focus I know being alone and with an instrumental playlist is the best way to go. Be honest with yourself and others about the environment you need to be successful.

Don’t be afraid to speak up when you need help. Your professors, teachers, and TAs are not evil (usually) and they usually do want to help. I won’t lie, going to office hours can be a little nerve-racking and it isn't always super helpful but when it is it has made a huge difference. These people have been learning, working, and teaching in this field way longer than you have and they can help make sense of your jumbled paper thesis or unravel a lecture you didn't really understand. Also, if you go to them with work done and they can genuinely see you are trying to take the course seriously, they can help you with due date extensions if you really need them. Be honest when you aren't understanding something because, trust me, the confusion and stress will just keep building. If the person you go to is worth anything as an educator they will help you and will understand that this stuff is hard and appreciate that you are trying your best. (Sometimes they’ll even give you the inside scoop on future assignments or test 😉)

Also, speak up to work managers or other people you are accountable to. It’s best to book off time ahead of time when you know you’ll be busy but it doesn't hurt to respectfully ask when you need help. Sometimes you’ll get a no, which sucks, but sometimes you’ll get a yes. Talk to friends or family too fi you have commitments that you know won't be good for you. Be respectful and honest about what is happening and they’ll understand. They may even be able to help out.

You can’t write a real paper in one day. Yeah, I’ve seen the memes and videos of people being like “Lol, teachers always say I can’t write an essay the night before. Challenge accepted!” You can’t do it. You just can’t. Maybe in high school but I don’t recommend it. Or maybe you are a superhero and can properly come up with an interesting thesis for a 12 page paper and organize all your points and find the minimum required seven outside peer-reviewed sources and write the damn paper, cite, and edit in one day but...I sure as hell can't. Just don't do this to yourself. See above planning tips and research tips to do this properly and with minimal stress. 

Colour code. Having organized notes can go a long way. When I’m actually writing them in lecture it can hard to make them look as clear as I want but I try to at least make subheadings and bold if I can. When I have time I might go back and clean them up a bit. When I’m studying I colour code. Most profs and teachers will give you an idea of main course themes and topics maybe in the syllabus or in outlines at the beginning of lecture. Some even give Key Terms! Take note of those and keep them mind while studying so you can colour code pieces of information by topic or theme. This will help you later on when you are trying to find a piece of information and also make links between the information that will give you a deeper understanding of the material. 

Learn to forgive yourself. Like I said in the intro, I’ve made mistakes. I’ve gotten grades I’ve been disappointed with or been late to something important or overworked myself or a bunch of other things. You are trying your best. School is HARD. If you are starting post secondary now it is very common to have your grades drop and it’s not because you are terrible at what you’re doing or not trying hard enough it’s because this shit is fucking hard. You’ll get there, you’ll get the feel for all this newness and you’ll realize that you’re doing okay. When you make a mistake, do what you can to correct it and learn from it, but then accept that what has already happened can't be changed and you can only forgive yourself and move forward. 

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. I can probably physically eat five full bags of salt and vinegar chips in one day but it will probably burn a hole through my stomach. I can work myself to the bone and pull all-nighters and keep studying through the tears but I shouldn’t. You might think you can work yourself to the brink repeatedly but you can't. You will burn out. If you wouldn't do something physically unhealthy like downing an obscene amount of salt and vinegar chips just because you can, you shouldn't do something that is going to break you down emotionally and mentally. Ask for help and do the best you can while still maintaining some healthy boundaries. 

[immortal-imagines]

Hot For Teacher - Part 1

Summary: Crushing on your new, hot neighbour is one thing, but when he turns out to also be your professor; well, that’s another story.

Part 2, Part 3, Part 4,  Part 5,  Part 6 Part 7

(Professor!Gwilym Lee x Reader)

Warnings: Smut, swearing, fluff

Word Count: 1,725

A/N: Here we are, my first smut. Well, it’s somewhat smutty. In comparison to other things, this series is probably extremely tame! Just addressing my kink and one true love Gwilym. Judge me as you will! Hope you enjoy this series! Also, shoot-out to my girl Cara ( @rogerina-is-hotter-than-me ) for encouraging me to do this! Send some love to her and her awesome blog!

The apartment building rarely got new arrivals, but with the end of the term came exam results and, as it turned out, your neighbour didn’t pass. One minute she was a prominent member of the block, with her loud, late night parties. The next, her apartment was empty and she was on her way back home to her parents. Well, you thought, What a waste of tuition money.

Aside from her, you had been the only student in that building. You had specifically chosen an area that was a fair distance away from the university, mostly because you didn’t want to have to deal with the wild parties. That plan had failed. You did feel a little sorry for your neighbour, but also extremely grateful because finally you could have some peace and quiet. You just hoped the next person to move in would be a little more respectful.

You sat on your bed in your room, a book on your lap, glasses balanced on the end of your nose. Your phone rested between the pages of the book. A YouTube video displaying the latest drama online was playing. You had tried to focus on the thousand-page epic that your lecturer had set you before the term had ended, but it was just so damn boring. Thankfully, that lecturer had gone on maternity leave. Perhaps the new one would be more considerate with the work load. As the summer holiday was coming to a close and the new term rapidly approached, you should have been cramming. However, the internet tea seemed far more interesting.

“For fucks sake,” you heard a man’s voice grunt through the wall. Pausing the video, you stood and walked out of your room and towards the front door. Peering through the peep-hole, you tried to see the source of the commotion. A tall, dark-haired man was heaving boxes into the apartment next door. He was dressed in a white, button-up shirt, which was only partially done up, and grey suit trousers. An unusual outfit for moving, you thought. He ran his hand through his hair, sighing out of frustration. You smiled a little to yourself. This man could have as many parties as he wanted. He was far too handsome to argue with. You felt like your legs might just turn to jelly at the prospect of confronting him.

Regardless of the butterflies in your stomach, you let your rational side take a backseat. Where was the harm in seeing if this attractive stranger needed help moving in? You checked your reflection in the hallway mirror, grateful that you’d showered this morning. Your hair was tied in a messy bun and you wore an over-sized hoody. Not bad, you thought, Suitably suggestive.

You pushed your glasses up your nose and opened the front door. Leaning against the door frame, you said, “Can I help you with that?”

The man looked up, his blue eyes making you melt. Your confidence faltered under his gaze. As if things couldn’t get anymore difficult, he smiled, a perfect, lopsided grin that would stop traffic. Okay, a little overdramatic, you thought, Pull it together, (Y/N).

The man set down the box that was in his arms and straightened up. He held out a hand, which you shook. “Gwilym,” he said, “Nice to meet you.”

“(Y/N),” you smiled back, “Welcome to the building.”

“Thanks,” Gwilym replied, “You lived here long?”

“About a year now,” you said. In a sudden burst of confidence, you added, “Want to come inside for a cuppa? Take a break before you start heavy-lifting again?”

Gwilym chuckled, rubbing his beard, “You know what? That sounds amazing.” He kicked one of the boxes into his apartment and pushed the door shut. You walked into your own, with him close behind. You were instantly very conscious of the mess your living room was in. Although you took pride in being neat most of the time, the last couple of weeks had caused things to pile up. Trying to fit in all the uni work you were behind on had left little time for cleaning. Books and papers were strewn over the coffee table, along with empty mugs and pizza boxes. You picked a few of them up and threw them in the recycling.

“Sorry about the mess,” you said, blushing slightly, “It’s been a bit hectic around here.”

Gwilym laughed, picking up a copy of The Handmaids Tale, which had seemingly become a coaster judging by the rings on the cover. “You have good taste,” he complimented.

“It’s one of my favourites,” you smiled, gesturing to the well-thumbed pages and creased spine of the book. “Take a seat,” you pointed to the sofa, one of the few empty surfaces in the room. “How do you take your tea?”

Gwilym sat down, “Milk, no sugar.” You nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. You returned a few minutes later with two mugs, to find Gwilym flicking through one of the notepads that had been left open.

“You wrote this?” he asked, holding up it up.

“Yeah,” you said, “Just a little story I’m working on.” You grimaced when you saw which one of the many projects that you’d started he was reading. It was a pretty dark horror short story, one which many would be weirded out by.

“It’s really good,” he complimented. He put it down and took the mug from you. You sat down next to him, tucking your legs up under yourself, your foot accidentally brushing his leg as you did so. You winced, but couldn’t help the small part of you that felt a burst of electric upon contact. Instead of dwelling on it, you sad, “Thanks,” and took a sip of the tea.

“What brings you here?” you asked, hoping he hadn’t noticed the lapse in your confidence. Whether he had or not was unclear, but he shifted in his position so he faced you. His arm rested on the back of the sofa, just behind your head, the mug of tea in his other hand. There it was again, that spark.

“Work. I just got a new job up here, so decided to move closer, rather than commuting,” he said. You nodded, setting your mug down on the table.

“How old are you?” he asked, abruptly. Your confused expression caused pick to creep onto his cheeks. “Sorry, that was rude of me.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” you laughed, “I’m 24. Just starting my third year of uni. I was a late starter. I made the smart idea to go travelling with my boyfriend after school.”

Gwilym’s smile faltered at the word ‘boyfriend’.

“Ex-boyfriend, I should say,” you clarified, though you weren’t sure why you needed to. “He turned out to be a bit of an ass. Broke up with me in Rome and caught a plane back to England by himself.” You shrugged, “I had a great time without him though.”

Gwilym smiled, thoughtfully.

“How about you?” you asked, “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Just turned 30,” he said, “And I’m a teacher. I’ve not been to Rome, though I’ve always wanted to.”

“It’s beautiful,” you said. You moved a little, to prevent your foot from cramping. You leg was now resting against his, whether by accident or on purpose. You weren’t going to admit that.

Absentmindedly, Gwilym’s fingers began playing with the loose strands of your hair that had escaped the bun. Ordinarily, you wouldn’t kiss a stranger. Who were you kidding? You’d kissed plenty of strangers. But usually you were drunk and in a club. Now, you were completely sober and sitting in your own home with your new neighbour, who was several years older than you. You couldn’t help the rush of warmth that spread to your core. Without thinking, you leant forward and pressed your lips to his. He immediately reacted, pulling your body towards him, his tongue gliding over your lips. His hands went to your face, holding it between his palms. You reached up and pulled the bun from the scrunchie, allowing his fingers to thread through your hair. You wrapped your arms around his neck. Before you could go any further, he pulled away.

Your face was flushed and his looked the same. You felt slightly embarrassed. Had he not wanted to kiss you? You’d met this man ten minutes ago. That was rushed, even for you. But, then again, he kissed you back.

Your rambling thoughts were interrupted, when he said, “Sorry, I don’t make a habit of kissing people I’ve only just met.”

You let out a shaky breath and smiled, your eyes darting up to meet his for a second. He ran a hand through his hair. There was an awkward pause. All you wanted to do was kiss him again. It had felt like fireworks. Now, you weren’t so sure if he wanted to do the same.

He cleared his throat and stood. “I should be going,” he said, walking to the door, “Got to finish unpacking. Thank you for the tea.” He opened the door and left without another word.

You sat for a moment in silence, not entirely sure how to read the situation. You figured you’d embarrassed yourself and leaving your apartment was no longer an option. Either that or you’d have to sneak to uni very early and hope he wasn’t on his way to work at the same time.

You groaned and flopped back on the sofa, covering your face with your hands. Why did you have to think with your vagina instead of your head? That is not how you greet the new neighbour.

Whilst you were dwelling on how embarrassed you were, Gwilym had managed to get the final boxes into his apartment. He sat on his bed, looking at the mess he had yet to unpack. He couldn’t even begin to think about that at the moment, when his thoughts were clouded with the image of you, just the other side of the wall. His lips were tingling, still feeling the aftereffects of yours. He sunk back on the bed and sighed. His trousers had grown a little tighter and he wished he’d stayed. However, that wasn’t the best idea. Regardless of the small age gap between you, he didn’t want things to be awkward. Unfortunately, it seemed too late for that.

Tag List: @rogerina-is-hotter-than-me

[seventeencelcius]

Commute! Hoshi

the first time was a spur of the moment occurance

after moving out of your house and living alone starting from the first year of university, you were stuck with the daily, mundane routine of commuting to school at 7am

you begrudgingly regretted ever wishing to quickly graduate from high school so you could have that sweet taste of freedom from living alone

high school was so much of a breeze compared to the hell known as university

back then, you were used to waking up 10 minutes before class started since your house was just a block away from the school building

now? you were up as early as 6am just so you could catch the earliest train in order to avoid the morning crowd

unfortunately, you couldn’t afford to stay at the apartments nearer to your university since they were out of your budget and the university dorms had already been fully booked so you opted for a place that was affordable but needed you to travel for a longer distance

hence, commuting, not to exaggerate, had became your least favoruite part of the day

firstly, you were not a morning person and despised waking up early

secondly, it was boring when you didn’t have any friends to talk to on the ride since most of them lived in the university dorms and didn’t have to commute

thirdly, you couldn’t exactly sleep on the train because you were the kind who basically hibernates and never wakes up until *cues spongbob voiceover* 8 Hours Later ……

(guess who missed their lecture on the first day cause they dozed off until the train reached the last stop?)

napping was obviously not an option so you always chose to either read a book or play on that sudoku app you had on your phone to kill time

you had woken up later than usual from studying for a quiz and missed your usual train

implying that you were now stuck with the morning crowd, where it will be jam-packed like sardines

besides that, you had panicked and forgot to bring your earphones

(i’m aware AirPods exists but for the sake of this fic, DEAL WITH IT)

your body was moving on autopilot as you soon found a space to lean on in between the doors and the seats

you prayed that the espresso shots you had drunk earlier would at least keep you awake until your first lecture so you could complete the goddamn quiz and take a nap at the library since that your only class for the day

screw the administrative department for giving you what was possibly the worst timetable. who even had an 8am class and then nothing for the rest if the day???

you were tempted to study your notes but it was seriously cramped in the coach so you sought to just people-watch to pass time

your mind flew into all sorts of imaginations until the doors slide opened and a boy your age, with wispy blonde hair and a large gym bag loosely slung on his shoulders, stumbled in

he moved to the area next to you and what was in between you was just the doors

you didn’t mean to pry or watch him so intensely but he seemed so …. fascinating

there was some sort of music following after him, weird, cause he clearly had his headphones but the music didn’t sound muffled at all

even weirder was as you listened on, it was the lyrics of your favourite song

you figured he was a dancer, seeing how his fingers were moving to the rhythm in what seemed like an actual choreography

within that small compound, he already looked so in the zone and you could feel the intensity of his focus

he looked so full of energy and radiant despite it being so early in the morning

and out of place as from the way he dressed - a purple & yellow tracksuit, he definitely stood out from the borings black & white

out of all the people in the coach, you realize you were the only person who actually seemed to notice, most likely because you didn’t had your earphones in at that moment or took notice of their surroundings

but your gaze changed downwards to your phone when it vibrated, signifying that you had a notification and immediately catching your attention

that was when your vision caught it as you slide your phone back

your vision had flicker from your pocket to his gym bag - noticing that his cable was not plugged into any device, meaning that the music from his phone was just blaring from the speaker

at this point of time, you were desperately trying to hold your laughter in,

rather than it being funny, it was pretty much unexpected and even …. cute

you stifled your giggles and decided to approach him by the time the train stopped at the next station

you weren’t sure where this sudden courage came from but hey, you felt bad since this sort of embarrassing situation actually happened to you numerous times

… and no one told you anything even when you played dumb songs like ‘baby shark’

to be fair, your younger sibling was playing a prank on you and made it take half of your playlist so whenever you tried to skip, it would just play the same song again D:

thankfully, this stop had most of the passengers except the university students out since it was the one at the city so you moved to stand next to him and tapped him on the shoulder

“sorry to disturb …. but i think you forgot to plug in your headphones cable to your phone?”

the boy took one look at the hanging cable at his gym bag and started laughing hysterically to the point where he was wiping tears out his eyes

not sure if he had laughing gas or what but damn, this boy laughter was sure infectious because you found yourself laughing too

“i actually thought my headphones weren’t working just now since i could barely hear the music but wow guess it was just this THANK YOU!!!!11”

As the last words left his lips, the train door opened and as much as you hated yourself, you had to make a run for it or you were gonna be 101% late for your quiz because that lecturers of yours was the kind that goes ‘if you’re early then you’re on time, if you’re on time then you’re late’

(have i ever said how much i love uni :’)))

on your way back home, your thoughts couldn’t help but be muddled by the encounter you had experienced today

it was hard not to remember how his eyes twinkled when he smiled and the 180 degree change he had from dancing to suddenly chuckling

realizing that it was probably gonna be impossible to see him unless you chose on purpose to take the later train, you decided to abandon on all hopes on seeing him again

(you weren’t about to run a mingyu on isac because exercising is hard huhu)

too bad cause he was kinda cute tho

the second time, you swear was a complete accident

after securing a job as a teacher assistant, you started to return home pretty late cause of the working hours

following your first day of your and a tiring day at class, you were both mentally and physically exhausted when you reached the train station

you immediately took a seat and fell asleep, completely going against your rule of not sleeping on train

you could really care less since you were so drained from answering this student who had a gazillion question

while it wouldn’t have been so bad, you received a bad mark from one of your classes because of a group work where you pretty much contributed everything while the rest just stoned

to your surprise, you managed to wake up one station before the one you got down due to the stiffness you felt on your neck

regardless, you had probably one of the best sleep in days after staying up late to complete the group project

you were soon wide awake after realizing that pain occurred because you probably slept on a poor stranger’s shoulder since it had been so comfortable unlike the concrete wall you were used to leaning back on

“FRICK I’M SO SOR- “

when you made eye contact, you immediately froze mid-sentence

to your horror, it was the same cute guy you had met earlier

and you had been sleeping on his shoulder THIS. WHOLE. TIME.

thank the heaven you don’t sleep talk or drool or anything, cause you would’ve been looking for a place to hide underground

but still, you wanted to dig a hole because wow what a way to make a good impression

as you were in the midst of panicking and freaking out, the books you had in your hands tumbled down the floor

as you reached to picked them up in embarrassment, he had already collected most of them for you with a grin

“thanks uh I don’t think i have gotten your name?”

“you can call me soonyoung.”

when you muttered ‘thank you’ shyly for his help, he asked for your name as well and somehow, his face beamed when you gave him yours

he reminded you of a harmless kitten when he questioned if he was pronouncing your name correctly, his head tilted and eyes shining and you subconsciously wanted to thread your fingers through his hair

the next station to was where you usually got down and when you step down the platform, to your amazement, soonyoung was right on stride with you

“you live in this building? no way, me too!”

“huh then why did you get off that station the other day?”

soonyoung explained that he was practising his dance routine for an upcoming assignment in his friend, Jun’s apartment, which was much nearer to school

it was literally a 2-minute walk from the place you lived to the train station and both of you secretly wished that time could just extend a little longer

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“tomorrow is it then.”

when you two bade goodbye to each other, soonyoung had to admit that the way you blushed when both your fingertips had met was adorable. very adorable indeed.

the third time?

soonyoung likes to claim it was destined

(as cheesy it was, you agreed with him when you spoke about it on your first date)

when you walked up the platform the next day, there was a light skip on your steps

you weren’t sure if it was possible to meet soonyoung since both of you never actually gave each other a fixed time to meet each other

so you weren’t too hung up when you didn’t see him in the platform by the time the train arrived

you guessed that the last two times you met was perhaps too much of a coincidence when you had different majors and friend circles

you did leave the third encounter to fate

but just as the doors were able to slide close, a flurry of yellow and black rushed in next to you

almost breathless, he beckoned towards you a smile that you knew you were going to grew fond of 

it was totally unplanned, but this could be the start of something you never expected to be tangled with

this mundane routine of yours was going to be replaced with something much more exciting

“hey, almost missed my train buddy.”

[prettylittlelyres]

Congratulations on 100+ followers! I am also a uni student, about to participate in NaNoWriMo for the first time (!!!), I was just wondering whether you could give me an insight into your time management system? You mentioned in a previous post that you’d figured out a new one, and I’m really keen to know how I can balance my writing with my studies - at present I don’t seem to have any time at all :(

Thank you so much! I hope NaNoWriMo goes really well for you!

My time management system really just consists of rigorous scheduling of what I do. My lectures and seminars are timetabled for me by my university, so I know already which hours of the day I’m not free. I set aside half an hour either side of my first lecture and last lecture of each day to walk to and from my house, and then make sure I stay at campus, scheduling my all my course reading (including any assignments) for the free time I have between my classes, between those times. (Basically, I leave the house for my first lecture, and then don’t come back until I’ve finished my last one that day.)

It’s really important to take either lunch/snacks or money for lunch/snacks, as well as plenty to drink (I favour water or squash in bottles, coffee in flasks that keep it hot all day), so that I’m not tempted to pop home between lectures and make lunch at the house. It sounds great (and it’s always cheaper than buying from the canteen), but the walk to and from campus, as well as cooking time, eating time, and washing-up time, really just add up to a big tangled mess that just leaves me rushing to get to my next class. And then I stress! If I know I’ll be back in less than three hours (if I only have a class or two), then I just take something small, like a cereal bar or a small pot of fruit, but, on days when I’m going to be out of the house from 10am until 6pm (those are extremely fun, but, thankfully, also rare!), I take a little packed lunch, usually a few sandwiches, plus that fruit, plus that cereal bar, and a bit of cheese to snack on (because calcium is important).

I do all my scheduling on my phone, with the Google Calendar app. It’s accessible from my computer as well as my phone, easy to use (once you have the hang of it, but that doesn’t take long if you use it every day), and I can colour-code everything:

lectures in orange;

commutes in lavender;

writing for NaNoWriMo in grape;

reading in graphite;

society appointments in flamingo;

medical appointments in blueberry;

walks and meet-ups with my pals in basil;

shopping trips in peacock;

longer journeys (out of my city) in sage;

time set aside for art (music, craft, and painting) in red.

Of course, it’s up to you how you pick the colours (or if you colour-code at all!) if you’re going to use Google Calendar, but I personally love to be able to see at a glance how much time I’m taking for each kind of activity, and colours help with that.

It took me a few days to work out how much time I’d need for each kind of activity (outside lectures), but I’ve worked out that I need to read for about an hour (two if there’s homework) every week for each of my modules. That’ll change, of course, when I start having to write graded essays and assignments, but I won’t be doing NaNoWriMo then; nothing’s due until well after the end of November, and very few things are due before January, by which time Curls of Smoke will be done.

At the moment, I set aside two hours a day for NaNoWriMo, and push myself as hard as I can to reach my 1,667-word target. I usually manage it, but sometimes my health gets in the way, and I need to rest. So I let myself rest - this is really important, to let yourself rest if you need to - and accept it if I can’t write as much as I want to that day. One way I’ve found of dealing with this is trying to work with a day or two to spare, to help alleviate the stress that comes with a missed goal. If I’m working with 3,000 or so words more than the required total for that day, I can let myself breathe and take a break, then get back to writing as soon as I’m ready (much sooner, if I rest).

When NaNoWriMo and Curls of Smoke are finished, I’ll put aside those two hours each day, to work on extra reading around my course, to write assignments, or, if there’s nothing I need to do for university that my hour(or two)-per-module doesn’t cover, to work on other aspects of writing. I have thoughts on how I want to redraft Violins and Violets, and ideas for a few other projects, big and small. If the weather’s not too cold, I might also use the extra time for more walking. I’d quite like to see my city’s surrounding region in the winter - lots of forest-land, lots of park-land, and, of course, the sea!

Thanks so much for your kind words. I hope this post helps you as much as your words have helped me! All the best :)

[biopsychs]

What I Learned From University (1st Year)

FIRST YEAR

Everyone is super friendly, especially in the first few weeks → Introduce yourself to the people sitting near you for the first few weeks of lectures. Everyone is looking for a friend or at least someone to talk to!!

If you commute, make that time productive → My bus ride was an hour there and back each day. It sucks but I would try to be productive for at least half of the commute. I have a post about being productive on public transport here.

On that note, stay on campus as long as possible each day → As soon as I got back home I would procrastinate every little thing. Stay in an already productive environment for as long as possible.

Maybe don’t buy your textbooks used → I thought I was being smart by buying used textbooks (most schools will have a buy and sell facebook page for textbooks). I ended up having to pay for access codes in order to do my online homework – access codes that cost ~$70 separately and came included with new textbooks anyways. Email your prof or talk to someone who has recently taken the class to find out if you need an access code. If you do, your best bet is to buy a new version of the textbook (unless you can get a seriously cheap used textbook).

Print off your timetable and find all of your classes before the first day → This helped me so much! I found exactly where all my classes were before the first day of class. I wrote down little tricks to help me remember where everything was (i.e. my calc lecture is in the arts and science building which is also where the only subway on campus is).

Don’t knock living at home to save money → If you’re lucky enough to have a college or university close to home at least consider living at home. Getting your own place or living in dorms is expensive. (But if you have to find off campus housing on your own, don’t leave it too late or you might not find a place)

Figure out the best way to take notes for each class → You have to customize the way you study for each class, all depending on the prof and the content. I hand-wrote notes for some classes (chem, calc, and physics), but not others (psych and bio). If you’re writing by hand you can always just annotate your textbook notes or lecture slides (if they’re posted before class). If you fall behind while taking notes, just leave a gap and check out a friend’s notes after class.

Adjust your expectations → Don’t expect to get straight A’s, like you might have in high school. You can strive for straight A’s but be realistic as time goes on. For classes I struggled with, I expected to be near the class average. If I was a lot lower than the class average then I would know to invest more time.

Make time for physical activity → If we’re being honest I hardly exercised during uni. Go for at least a half hour walk each day and try to start a physical activity routine. Get a friend and join a sports team, go to a fitness class, or commit to some form of a daily workout with them! You’ll feel bad bailing on someone else, plus working out is more fun with other people.

Review content throughout the semester → Reviewing little bits of content will save you a massive content review right before finals! Look through old notes while you wait for your daily coffee or take 15 minutes to watch some khan academy videos on stuff you learned in the first month of classes.

Think seriously about how much you can handle → Don’t take on too many responsibilities at once and consider all of your options! I worked weekends and some week nights throughout the school year. Looking back I should have worked less because my stress levels were way too high. Also, quite a few people I talked to took 4 classes instead of 5, for their first semester of university. I don’t think I would have done it, in the end, but it’s always something to consider.

Have fun but be responsible at parties → Always go to parties with people you trust!! If you didn’t do much partying/drinking during high school (like me), remember to pace yourself when drinking! Eat before you go out and have some water between each drink, till you find your limit. Don’t let yourself be peer-pressured into anything but also don’t be afraid to have fun! And check out if your uni has a safe walk program (someone will come and walk you back to your dorm or your car if you feel unsafe or nervous for any reason)

When procrastination hits, aim to be productive in some way → The only reason my biology mark was so high was because I would study biology whenever I got sick of studying for physics and calculus. If you know you need to study but just can’t do it, start by being productive in some other way – study a subject you do like, do your laundry, organize your study area, etc. Get your brain to start thinking productively.

Labs are difficult so be prepared → I had so many labs first year. Some tips: eat and hydrate before labs, never assume you can finish your prelab last minute, be nice to your lab partner, always remember lab safety (don’t be the person trying to wear shorts in the lab, TAs will not hesitate to kick you out), don’t rush through an experiment but be efficient, and ask for help (even if you feel like you’re bothering your TA).

Please go to bed early. Sleep affects everything → I was so dumb and would never go to bed early even though I had to be up at 6 am almost every day to catch the bus. Lack of sleep will catch up to you eventually!! Also, all nighters are not necessary, unless you make them necessary. I prioritized and never had to stay awake too late. And never pull an all nighter the night before an exam (you’re better off getting sleep and resting your brain).

Bring a water bottle everywhere → Buy a decent water bottle and always carry it with you. Even though my uni is small there are still tons of spots around campus where I can refill my water bottle!! Stay hydrated my friends!

A practice problem a day keeps the F away → This saying probably works best for science classes, but I guess a reading a day will get you somewhere too. Do something for every class each day, even if it’s just a practice problem or a quick reading. Develop a routine!

You’ll have lots of midterms → I was under the impression that midterms happened just once a semester (I thought I would have one week where I had a midterm for each class). That was not my reality. I had 2 or 3 midterms for each of my classes scattered throughout the semester. Study really hard for your first set of midterms till you get used to the high expectations!

Don’t worry about what other people are doing or thinking → This is mostly in regards to social media. I was bummed when I looked back on my first year of university, because I felt like I hadn’t done anything fun compared to other people. You only see the image that other people want you to see. You don’t know how hard someone worked or how hard they didn’t work. Just focus on you and how you can affect positive results in your life.

Other people literally don’t care about your appearance → My friend’s little sister visited campus and asked us “Why is everyone wearing sweatpants?” People literally don’t care. Dress nice and put lots of makeup on one day, because you feel like it, and wear sweats the next day.

Start essays and reports as soon as possible → You never know what might come up so be prepared for the worst! Outline your essay or graph your data as soon as you can.

Eat healthy and do meal prep → You can eat healthy during university! Set aside a couple of nights each week to do meal prep. Cook food in bulk to save money and don’t eat out too much. Try to have at least 1 serving of fruits or veggies with each meal or snack you eat!

Find a good study spot on campus → Explore your campus and figure out your favourite places to study. I had a couple of spots where I would always meet my friends to study and quiet spots where no one would bother me. Studying outside or in an area with natural light is always good.

Don’t be afraid to talk to your profs and TAs → This is the number one thing I’m going to try to do more of in my second year. TAs are chill to talk to and they can tell you tons of useful information on what upper year classes are like, which professors are good, why they chose to go to grad school, etc. If you’re struggling in lectures or labs, talk to your prof or TA! Make an appointment and be sure you can tell them exactly which concepts you’re struggling with or at least where you got lost. One of my profs told us he just waits hopefully during office hours for someone to come in. (Also profs love it if you ask them about their research or any topics they seem passionate about during lectures.)

Explore all the resources your university has to offer → My university has a program that is basically people bringing their dogs around for students to pet, in order to relieve stress. It actually works and gave me something to look forward to! Just be aware of your options so that if something in your life changes you know where you can go to ask for help.

Get a planner and utilize it → There’s no excuse not to have a planner of some sort. Use your phone, get a bullet journal, or buy a cheap planner. Have somewhere where you can record important deadlines and make to do lists. I also recommend back planning all of your studying at the beginning of the semester. Write down your midterms and finals dates and write down how much you’re going to study each day leading up to the exam. This way you’ll be able to look ahead at each month and figure out what needs to be done (i.e. getting an essay done early because the due date falls during a busy week of midterms)

This post ended up being a lot longer than I expected whoops. Take the things I said into consideration but remember that everyone’s experience will be different. Good luck to everyone heading to university!

My Other Posts:

AP lit tips

high school biology

organization tips

physics doesn’t have to suck: how to enjoy and do well in your required physics classes

recommended reads

reminders for myself

using your time wisely on public transport

what i learned from high school

[laptopbackpackfamilyreantit-blog]

A laptop computer is a useful gizmo for getting things done on the go, but similar to most good tools, automobile be used by yourself. There are a variety of accessories that you’ll have a need for your laptop and others that you may wish for. On the other hand, you don’t need to be carrying so much your bag becomes too much or too cluttered to find what. These decisions become more essential on trips caused from home, where will probably not know exactly what you’ll need or when. We seem examining a potential packing list as a laptop bag. This list is intended as a suggestion, and obviously your requirements and or wants will vary.  Although Belkin laptop cases come a little costly than ordinary bags, you will appreciate its durability as well as its unique involving functionality and style. You will appreciate purchasing price in the longer term and will quickly that the actual quality of this laptop case, it will its money.  >> Obtain from it ? you have the need for? You will discover because start to find through the available womens laptop bag s that in lots of ways lot of choices, anyone need to first decide what kind of womens new laptop bag you will need. This will make your shopping go considerably.  Cell Phone/PDA/MP3 Player - It seems that just about everybody options a at least one of the listed anymore. Many laptop bags now possess a pocket regarding access for your own devices. It is possible to want to think having it somewhere near to the strap if you use your phone or Music for talking to music you happen to be walking. Can make it quicker to adjust the amount or exchange signal of the next track.  You are young, thrilling laid lower back. You are an individual with a high quality sense of humour. You’re employed in an ingenious industry or are a person. Your bag contains some CDs, magazines as well as a can of coke. You wear your messenger bag as you cycle function or university. You are very cool.  While shopping in the nearest shopping center might to safeguard time, we can touch and scrutinize it with both the hands and the eyes. Also when you’re shopping offline when the world to effortlessly find the laptop bag, you might bring you laptop along along with you to be sure that it is suited to.  Apart from protecting your notebook, will need to consider most of your needs exactly where there is it become going: travelling, going to work, lectures, commute or shopping on holidays.  Laptop Bag - Last but not least, a good quality laptop bag is important for making positive that all your accessories are organized uncomplicated to get to. Many modern laptop bags are attractive and practical.

A laptop computer is a great tool for getting things done on the go, but similar to most good tools, it can't be used by yourself. There are a associated with accessories that should need for your laptop and others that you might like. On the other hand, you don't want to be carrying so much that the bag becomes fat or too cluttered to find one thing. These decisions become more important on trips caused from home, where might have not know exactly what you'll need or when. We possibly be examining a potential packing list just for a laptop bag. This list is intended as a suggestion, and obviously wants you have or wants are different.

You are young, thrilling laid back in time. You are an individual with a quality sense of humour. You decide to work in an ingenious industry or are each student. Your bag contains some CDs, magazines in addition a can of coke. You wear your messenger bag as you cycle function with or uni. You are very cool.

Various types of computer bags and cases are available with different features and colors whether in order to finding an attractive bag appealing durable piece of luggage. You should realize the style of your laptop bag reflects your personality.

I am not in order to be talk about carrying the notebook from a regular grocery bag (yes, I've seen people do that), as that is one area I wouldn't do, no when I value my laptop almost I put together. Instead I will focus during the main laptop bag types boasting that provide.

Those stylish folks adore the new Belkin 7" Quilted travel case. This item is basically a laptop sleeve having a built-in shoulder strap so you can don it on-the-go.

While shopping in the nearest shopping center might to safeguard time, however, you can touch and scrutinize it with both the hands and head. Also when you're shopping offline when you need to to choose laptop bag, you deliver you laptop along along with you to check that it agrees with.

Laptop Bag - Last but not least, a superior laptop bag is vital making certain all your accessories are organized as well as simple to travel to. Many modern laptop bags are attractive and practical.

[words-and-ideas]

Commuting to Uni - TIPS

THE PROBLEM

Commuting typically means you do not live in the city where your university/school/campus is. This means, when others are on campus for 2 hours because they have a 1 1/2 h lecture, you’re there for 3 hours. 

Commuting generally means you are much longer away from home than other people. This also means that you can’t just go home if you need a nap or if you forgot something. You need to be prepared. That means: Organisation is the key. Things other people rarely take with them are your essentials: phone charger/extra battery, hygiene products, things to fill up your (free~) waiting time. Etc.

For me personally, it takes about 50-60 minutes to go from outside my home door to be in the lecture hall. Sometimes less. It might not seem super long but there are also only two trains / hour so I can’t just go spontaneously. It also means I’m usually much earlier for my lectures and have a lot of time left after them. 

Since I am in my forth semester already, I feel like I have gathered a lot of experience so I thought I’d share it with you.

Things to do in the train/bus/tram

Read a book // I personally like to read two books “simultaneously”: One at home (usually a very thick and heavy book) and a “train book” which is usually a smaller one or just one I can’t bring myself to read when I’m at home. In the train, I am typically quite good at ignoring other people’s talking and can read quite concentrated for the 20 minutes.

Listen to an audiobook // this is especially helpful for when you usually are on very noisy and crowed vehicles or just usually have to take the rush hour train. You can relax, don’t have to hear other people and still “read” a book.

Listen to music // quite obvious, probably. Note: I have come to install Spotify Premium eventually because that just made easy access to music a lot more easy for me.

Enjoy the view // This is something I had to learn. But it can be nice sometimes.

Listen to people // It can be quite amusing sometimes.

Do something productive // I personally tend to get very exhausted on the way back from uni but on my way there, I sometimes get productive. However, it depends on whether there is a small “table” on the train, whether there are a lot of people and what have to do. Laptop work always works, reading articles and annotating also works most of the time, but actually writing stuff can obviously get a bit .. shaky:

THINGS TO ALWAYS TAKE WITH YOU

headphones

a book

enough money to pay for an extra coffee or an extra train ticket (I am always afraid of losing mine!)

your keys if you have some with you

some extra work for uni that you can do on the train/in a café

a phone charger or a spare battery for your phone (!!!)

a big bottle of water

an extra snack

a “hyiene/bathroom-bag” with: 

tampons/pads/menstrual cup/panty liners (at least for the female ones here)

concealer

tissues

hand moisturizer

a small hairbrush

chewing gum or something else to fresh your mouth

deodorant (there are also deodorant tissues - very handy!)

band-aids (also there are certain one to cover up blisters (for when you’re wearing new shoes etc.))

disinfection gel (!!)

a small extra bag for when you can leave your backpack in uni in a locker and just make a short trip to a café.

THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE A LONG DAY OF UNI

where do you get your food? Take some with you? Cafeteria? Just make sure you think about it for a minute the evening before so you could prepare something to take with you.

Using a backpack or a handbag? Depends on your personal preference but I find a backpack much more easy and comfortable

Will you have longer breaks? If so, when? And where will you be? Think about it and then plan your break time, so either plan a lunch date with your friends in uni, plan in a library session, or a walk in a park to calm you down before the next lecture(s).

When will you leave? Which train at which time can you take? Plan this out the night before (also for your way back). I have come to always know when my trains leave and when the connection is really bad but I used to rely greatly on apps of public transportation.

How long will you be away and what will the weather be like? It might seem like a minor consideration topic but for commuters I guess it’s best to always have an extra cardigan with them.

OTHER USEFUL COMMUTING TIPS!

https://apenchantforfantasy.tumblr.com/post/147133929844/today-when-i-was-traveling-by-train-this-idea

https://hometownbar.tumblr.com/post/127110242826/backpack-tips

[shxrika]

When did you start practising Islam, what made you want to start practisiing & what was the biggest trial you faced whilst doing so?? #curious

It’s a very long story tbh lol

I started ‘practising’ in my final year of University. I just felt lost and alone all the time even though I was surrounded by company. What made my heart yearn to practise Islam was when I was writing my dissertation, I replaced music with Qur’aan and by Allah, It started to make me feel whole again in a sense, I no longer felt as if there was a void in my heart. So I deleted music completely off my iPod and substituted it with Qur’aan, I used to listen to Qur’aan whilst commuting to Uni and home, back and forth.

Qur’aan was just the beginning. I then started looking at Islam as a complete new religion, started understanding the basics rather than have it being something that was ‘passed down’ to me from my family. The more I read about Islam, the more intrigued I was about this beautiful religion.

During the Xmas holiday, I made the decision that If I was going identify myself as part of Islam, that I would do it ‘properly’- I walked into my Economics lecture after the holiday (bearing in mind, it consisted of roughly 200 students) wearing a full Hijab and Abayah looool. The amount of stares and whispers I got subhanallah I still remember it… I was petrified, but it was something I HAD to do. It was literally now or never type of thing plus I didn’t want shaytaan misleading me. Im soooo dramatic btw, if I have an idea in my head, I stay head firm and I just do it with no second thoughts loool. I literally went from 0-100 REAL QUICK lol.

Anyway, I don’t know if that was the right approach for me to take as change should be a gradual thing, not overnight. My family were so thrown back as you can imagine lol. They legit thought I was team Baghdadi looool (I shouldn’t even write this on here before I get nicked). It took a while for my parents to understand what I was doing and the righteous path I was pursuing and finally with patience and endurance, EVENTUALLY they came around.

My biggest trial was my family tbh. And they still are the biggest trial that I am facing up until today. But what I’ve learnt is that you have to be patient. Even when you’re on your last legs, crawling, suffocated and gasping for air, remain patient. Allah never said the road would be easy, but He said ‘I will be with those who have patience’.

[rueur]

Morning Pages #37 (26.02.2017)

Sunday 26th February - 11:44 p.m.

I decided that I’m going to write my way into my twentieth birthday, after Isaac sent me a super enthusiastic message in anticipation for my becoming a twenty-something. Ugh, that horrendous term. I do not want to leave my adolescent years behind me, I really don’t. But then again, I am also somewhat excited to begin on this new chapter of my life. I’ll still be in uni yes, but things are supposed to start getting more serious now, right? All of a sudden it’s supposed to be more disappointing that I don’t have a job, and that I’m living at home. It’s become more dangerous for me to be immature because now I don’t have free reign to do so, as a nineteen year old. To be honest with you, I greatly enjoyed turning eighteen. It was my first year of tertiary education and I had so much to look forward to! Nineteen, I merely tolerated. I mean I was still a teenager but nineteen was most definitely guaranteed to be a weird age, as well as a weird year. Last year was an immensely weird year. But twenty! I just don’t want to have to deal with this age. I mean I am so excited for this year, naturally. My undergraduate course is coming to a neat close and I have a very kind love in my life and I’m actually hopeful about my career after the slam poetry venture. But earlier today even thathi asked me about what I’m going to do for MONEY after uni and I just had no idea. The idea of selling my labour makes me uncomfortable, but if I don’t do this I will most likely become a beggar and beggars cannot be choosers.

I want to see how much I can type before midnight. It’s been five minutes or so and I’m halfway through the first page of these three pages. I kind of just want to spew these out so that I can go to bed at a reasonable hour. Ideally, I’d be asleep right now. But I just don’t want to sleep through my last few minutes as a teenager. There’s a massive spider in my room, just chilling on the wall. In the corner, above my desk. I can’t deal with this right now. I’m just praying that it won’t move at all for the next eight or so minutes and then I can deal with it once I’m twenty. This is awful, goodness. I have to sleep. This is just the worst timing. First day back at uni and my twentieth birthday. At least I’ll have an interesting fact for whatever introductions I’ll have to provide in my first class tomorrow. I have a lecture first thing in the morning, well actually it starts at noon. I’ll need to be on the train around ten then. I’m trying to get back into that morning commute mindset. My bike is at the station. Should I walk there in the morning or should I get a lift? A walk might be nice. Serene, peaceful, you know. I need a bit of time to myself. I spent all day with my parents and my grandpa, in a car mostly. We went to Warburton, to the Bodhivana Monastery, because I asked if we could and they couldn’t say no to me on my birthday. See that place is insanely beautiful and being there greatly improves my emotional headspace, even if I arrive there already feeling quite fine. I needed it today though, because I managed to speak to the saddhu for a bit about dealing with grief. It was helpful for the most part. Oh no, five minutes left. I’m at least at the bottom of the first page, or at least I’m nearly there. Isaac sent me another message. He wished me a happy birthday a little prematurely because of the time difference between Australia and New Zealand. I thought he’d just remembered ahead of time that it was my birthday, but apparently not! I’m aware of how little he really cares about me and how tiny a person I am in his ‘larger than life’ life, but sometimes I just kind of like to think I mean more than I do. Because of the way we met and the person that he is. He’s eclectic, and so vibrant and unique, I just want to keep him in my life. I think he wants the same from me, perhaps. He just doesn’t feel like he’s in a place to demand that from anybody because of how transient he is and will continue to be for most of his youth. He’s going to be twenty-six this year, and I know that I will not be as successful as he is at twenty-six. Well obviously not with that attitude. I need to be more optimistic, and have some faith in myself. I killed that poetry slam. My raw score was 28/30, and I know I can do so much better the next time round, because I have a firm foundation now.

Nearly one minute left now. I’m seeing Evan tomorrow, I think. We haven’t discussed it too much, but the plan is that we’re supposed to go out to dinner to celebrate my birthday and the first day of uni, and his last day of work too a little. And his birthday too, maybe. Everything is happening right now. Oh goodness thirty seconds left. I’m making this a bigger deal than it is, I know. I think about the nine months I spent in my mother’s womb and I know that I’ve technically been alive a lot longer than twenty years now, because of those months I was a foetus. Just because I wasn’t born, doesn’t mean I wasn’t alive. Midnight! And the first song I’m hearing is ‘Silenced By The Night’ by Keane which literally started right on midnight. iTunes is on shuffle as I type. I’m officially twenty. Well, I mean I can go by the hour and minute I was born but I don’t want to, I mean the Facebook notifications start from midnight onwards so I’ll just go off of that. Isaac went to bed. My first birthday wish of the day was rather brief. Goodness, I need to get this over with and go to bed. I have to sleep. I have to be ready for tomorrow. It’s going to be hot. It’s going to be hot for all of next week. I don’t know if I have enough clothes for five thirty-degree days. I don’t know what I should do on Wednesday and Friday of this week. I think I should get my monthly myki pass as soon as I can, though. Once I do get that, I’ll need to travel every day to make the most of it, or at least try and travel every day. I can just take myself out if I have nothing else to do, but I should be looking for work, I know. I do have some spare time even with uni and it would be nice to make some money using that spare time. Maybe I should actually run english tuition classes. Malli’s studying ‘Macbeth’ and ‘Twelve Angry Men’ this year and I studied them both in Year 11. I actually studied ‘Twelve Angry Men’ in Year 10, but it was a Year 11 Literature class. It was taught by that mousey goth teacher, the old Kiwi woman who looked like the human equivalent of a baby raven. She was so small. I forget her name, but I remember her face and her accent. She was a lovely woman, just a little too blunt at times and she had a bit of an attitude. She was witty on occasion, but more sharp than anything else. She was a little like Mr. McClenaghan except Mr. Mac was a lot more affable in his eccentricities. It helps that he was a man though, I mean you could argue that. It’s usually easier to get along with male teachers, because you can’t take them seriously. Female teachers get respect just for being ladies, or at least that’s what I remember from high school. Varrasso is on Facebook. People have added her. I think Marcus might’ve too, but Marcus was actually pretty friendly with her. A lot of people who have her on Facebook were cheeky with her, not sincere and oftentimes not even kind. I’m onto my third page! Would you look at that, huh? I think I’m actually writing these pages correctly, like as actual stream-of-consciousness and not just as a diary, which is what I’ve been doing for the past month, I feel. I have a bit of a nasty cough left, the dredges of my monster cold. It’s irritating me, not because I’m coughing, but because I haven’t stopped yet. I want to just wake up tomorrow and be all good again. That would be a fantastic birthday present from the universe. It’s been thirteen minutes and I don’t feel twenty yet. FUCK. THE SPIDER HAS MOVED. I actually have no idea where it is now. Oh no. I should’ve dealt with it immediately upon seeing it, I know. Whatever, I don’t care too much right now because my cold has been my biggest thought for the past couple of days (aside from Evan sometimes). Ikaros sent me a weird message this morning. He said ‘Good morning’ and then ‘Sorry for everything’. It sounded really finalised, like I was afraid he was going to do something. I don’t know, I mean I know he never would. He cares about himself too much to let himself wallow over anything. He didn’t cry at all the first time we broke up. To be fair, he initiated it all on his own and I don’t think he’d thought it all the way through either, but he didn’t even cry after he had given it some thought.

I took a break because my brother came back and he helped me find and then vacuum up the big spider. Bless him. Anyway, yes. Evan sent me some photos that he’d taken on Saturday morning, when we were out all night. He sent me four photos of the two of us on the top of the hills, whilst we were watching the sun rise. The lighting was pretty lovely and we were both wearing red that day, funnily enough. I was wearing a red turtleneck and my red puffy jacket, and he was wearing his big red hoodie, so we were accidentally matching. That tends to be our signature style: accidentally complementary, or unintentionally complementary. It’s pretty lovely, and as he said earlier, also rather cosmic. This just feels so right. I can’t get over how RIGHT this feels. For both of us too, I mean it’s so fantastic and so weird being this in sync with another person, but I love it. And I am so looking forward to seeing him tomorrow, I really am. It would just be the perfect way to end today. Hell, I have to start today first though, don’t I? It’s half past midnight and I have about a third of this page left to go. OH! I sent Evan photos from the Bodhivana Monastery and he said it looked beautiful (not in those exact words, his exact words were a lot more M-rated and enthusiastic, believe me). I also told him that I want to take him there some time soon, and he said ‘as soon as he gets his license’. ‘LIKE ON THAT DAY’. What a sweetheart, I swear to god I did not believe that there could ever be a boy this sweet, but here he is. I won’t lie though, I was a little taken aback by the fact that he just straight up said ‘I want to have sex with you’ to my face after the brief conversation we had about my poem, but I also think I appreciated him being straightforward and also for being considerate of me and letting me know what his intentions were rather than just making it happen. This means that next time we get some alone time we’ll be able to just...let things happen. I can’t imagine what it’s going to feel like, I mean if I’m just going off of the intensity I feel JUST when we’re KISSING, my estimate on the intensity during our sexy times is going to be through the roof. Right? Speak of the devil, he just messaged me. My love. My drunk love, apparently. I think he’s had a raucous weekend. It’s his birthday too after all.