#my depression also never came back btw. obviously I feel sad sometimes like anyone but I have not been depressed since then

[robotwrangler]

Thinking about how the lovely person on deviantart who emailed me a copy of Undertale in exchange for a sketch of their oc when I was 15 will never know about the profound effect they had on my life..

[wolfnitewrites]

The Story of Will Martinez

About me: Hello! My name is CJ, and I am a high student that loves to write. (You can skip this part btw) Thank you for clicking on this story out of all the other ones here, out on Tumblr, it means a lot. If you happen to like this shortish story, please follow or whatever because I hope to post a lot of stories I make in my spare time on here! I want to become better at writing, so if anyway has any tips for me to become a better writer and help me fulfill one of my dreams of becoming an author, shoot me a message (I’ve only been on Tumblr for about 5 minutes so idk if u can send messages). If u read this, then thank you. ONTO THE STORY.

“Ughh.” I thought to myself. At least I thought I did because everyone was staring at me. We are in a huge math test and obviously, no talking.  

“Why is everyone looking at me?” I asked everyone in the classroom. I just say stuff aloud without thinking about it. I used to write down or record myself complaining when I was mad or upset so I could just get it out of my mind. That was a while ago. Looks like I have never gotten out of the habit of speaking my mind, literally. Then reality hit me, maybe everyone in the class had heard me sigh.

“Mr. Martinez!” Yelled my math teacher Mr. Mitchell. “You know there is no talking during a test. Go down to the principal's office now or I’ll escort you there myself.” Mr. Mitchell was the oldest teacher in my school, and the strictest. He used to scare me when I was walking down the hallway in sixth grade. Even now, I’m in eighth grade I’ll admit he does sometimes give me the creeps. Every night, my friends and I would talk trash about him at the skate park after school.

“Go now!!” Mr. Mitchell yelled again.

“Ok, ok, ok.” I answered with a little attitude. 

“I'm going alright.” I swiftly left that classroom planning on never returning there ever again. 

“Alright,” I whispered to myself. “I got two options, go down to the principal's office and get yelled at loud enough so the whole school can hear. Or do my other option which is just camp in the bathroom.” Then I realized something. For some reason Mr. Mitchell makes sure the office knows you're going down there.  Not going down there can cost you another week or two on top of my detention I am going to get. He makes it obvious that he calls the office though. To my knowledge and personal experience.  He’s the only teacher that does that sort of thing. 

When I got near Ms. Silver’s office, she was already waiting for me. She was new to the school and looked pretty young, maybe in her twenties or thirties. Although she was pretty short, maybe 5 feet tall. She also had the bluest eyes a human could ever see on another human. She didn’t look like a principal at all. She looked like a laid back english teacher. 

“Will Martinez?” Ms. Silver said to me. She didn’t sound like she was unsure about who I was. She sounded like she knew exactly who I was.

“Uh yea, I’m Will.” I spoke in a frail voice. I have never spoken so weakly before. I usually just speak normally, not like I was a nervous wreck. 

I walked in her office and there was artwork everywhere.  It looked like she made them herself though. You can see progress in her paintings. Some not looking so good, and some looking like a professional artist made them. 

“Mr. Martinez!” She yelled so loud that I think the whole school heard that. “How dare you disrespect your teacher and his test!” Ms. Silver turned from a sweet looking teacher, to a horrifying monster you would expect to read about in the Goosebumps books. See, I'm used to hearing yelling from Mr. Mitchell, but nothing this intense.

“Mr. Martinez!” she yelled once more. I'm getting the vibe from her that she absolutely loves yelling at kids.

“I am going to ask you one more time, why were you disrespecting your teacher and his test?” I couldn’t bring myself to say anything, my throat felt like there was something clogging it or something. I’ve never felt this way before. Before I knew it, I was turning pale and sweating. My stomach was knotting up and I felt like I was going to throw up. 

“I-I,” I said in an effort trying to get words out of my mouth. 

“I didn’t mean to disrespect anyone or anything.” I don’t know what it was, but at this point in time, I was petrified of her. Just looking in her general direction scared me, so I just started looking at the artwork. Well, that was until she grabbed my face and made me look at her. 

“Answer me!” She begged for an answer, but I couldn’t talk. The pain and clogging in my throat is getting unbearable. 

“Okay, you can go.” She said. “I got everything I needed from you.” 

“Are you going to tell my parents?” I managed to get those words out. “Get out of my office before I do it in front of you.” She responded. I felt relieved and started to walk out. After my brain finally processed what she said, I started panicking. She meant she was going to call them, but not when I was in the room with her. 

“Crap, what do I do now?” I asked myself. I wasn’t thinking rationally anymore, I was picturing my parents beating the crap out of me if they knew what I did. To think of it, asking one question led to this. I started wondering why my school was so strict with everything. 

“Just asking one stupid question surely doesn’t lead to this in other schools. Right?”

Chapter 2

After my panic attack of what just happened, I just decided to wait out the day in the bathroom. I was frightened of just the thought of going home. I would always get beat and cut by my parents. I always came into school with small scars and bruises on my body. I tried my best to hide them from everybody in my school. More times than I would like to count, people asked why I was so cut up. They never got their answer. It didn’t help that my parents picked me up for school. 

“What would happen if I just ran out of the school before the day was done” I thought to myself. 

“Maybe Terrance won't mind if I stay at his place for the foreseeable future.” Terrance always skips school to play video games, or sleep. Without thinking, I bolted out of that bathroom and into the hall. Sweat was already streaming down my face for some reason, the cool air of the school pressed against my body trying to keep me inside the doors. I run faster and faster until, BAM. I crashed into the doors not knowing that they are locked during the day. Ms. Silver heard me bang on the door and came running out of her office. After regaining my balance I immediately started to run again.

I remembered that there are doors near my classroom, all I have to do is run fast enough so the kids in the classrooms can't see that it's me running through the halls of the school like a complete lunatic. 

I bashed into the door. It had opened. I saw the school's security running through the doors as well.

“Wow they really don’t want me to leave.” I said under my breath. Without hesitation started running in the direction of Terrance’s house. All I was hoping for is Terrance to awake and ready to talk because there is one thing I have been keeping from everyone.

Chapter 3

When I got to Terrance’s house, there were no cars in the driveway, but that didn’t stop me from knocking on the door. I suddenly felt sick again, like I was going to throw up. There was sweat streaking down my face from running so much. 

I was standing outside of Terrance’s door trying to summon the courage and strength to just hit the door with my fist.

“Ok.” I said, “All I have to do is knock on the door, like I have done countless times before.” For some reason, today felt different from every other time I went over his house. It was really quiet, too quiet. Too quiet. There is almost always some form of complaining coming from the house. 

“Here goes nothing, literally.” I said to myself trying to get myself to knock on the door.  Surprisingly, Terrance opened the door.

“Hey, why aren’t you at scho-.” Terrance was cut short because I immediately grasped him in a hug. That hug wasn’t the type of hugs you give your best friends when you haven’t seen them in a while. It was the type of hug where they immediately know there is something wrong. That was the first time I have actually hugged someone.  It felt good. It felt like someone cared about me and was worried about me. I didn't want that.

“Will?” Terrance asked. “What's wrong?” 

“Could I come in first?” I asked him, almost starting to tear up like crazy, but I held myself together.

“Yea sure, come in” Terrance said. I could tell, Terrance was worried about me. He only wears one face when he's around Randy and I. Reckless. This was a different face, it was his caring and worried face. I’ve never seen it before though. I don’t think Randy has even seen it. We both sat on his bed and there was a moment of silence before Terrance asked, 

“Will, what's wrong? You are never like this.”

I was always very hesitant about answering this question. Mainly because I didn’t like the answer I would have given. I tried to summon the remaining strength I had left in my body. I have never told anyone the truth about how I was feeling. I was too embarrassed about all my feelings. 

“The truth is.” I wanted to just stop answering and restart the day over again but I was already too deep in to change the subject.

“The truth is, I had very bad depression basically my whole life. I couldn’t tell anyone because I felt people would just stay away from me and ignore me, thinking I’m a loser who is nothing but a sad, pathetic loser. I feel like it has gotten worse between my house, and school. My parents have been,” I was wondering why I couldn’t stop myself from talking. I felt like I was talking way too much. “My parents have been hitting and cutting me. It just happened all of a sudden, and I have no idea why. That’s why I always have bruises and cuts all over my body. They don’t give me rational answers anymore.” I was out of breath from talking so much. I couldn’t stop myself from talking, I wish I could’ve. I looked at Terrance’s face. He looked like he was thinking about everything I just said. 

“Will.” Terrance said to me in a reassuring voice. “I promise you, everything will be alright. Randy and I will always be here for you no matter what you are going through.”

“Thanks Terrance.” I responded.

“Is that why you ran out of school?” Terrance asked. 

“Yea, at least I think so.” I responded. I was caught off guard by that for some reason. I knew that question was coming, I didn’t know when. So I made the mistake of letting my guard down. 

“Ok.” Terrance started speaking all of a sudden. “I'm sorry but I think you should go, my parents are going to me home soon and I have to be prepared to tell them why I skipped school again. Without saying anything extra, I walked out of his house.

“Where am I going to go now?” I asked myself outside of Terrance’s. “I can’t go back to my house because I don’t want to be killed, literally.” It’s the sad truth, but at least it's the truth, my parents will kill me if I go home. I have to think of something.

On the walk home I was thinking about a way to deal with my horrid parents. There were about five hundred different ideas, but I didn’t like them. There was one in particular that I have thought of doing in the past. Calling the police on my own parents. I always seemed to talk myself out of it. They were my parents after all, and they were basically the only family I had left. This time was different though, I felt, vengeful. It’s a feeling I have never felt before. I haven’t felt something new in a long time. The only two emotions I have been a custom to is pain and depression. 

I kept trying to talk myself out of calling the police on my own parents, but at this point, nothing could change my mind. 

“Ok.” I said trying to build up the courage to take my phone and just dial 911. “It’s so simple. All I have to do is press the nine once and then, one twice.” I said once more trying to amp myself up to try and press three numbers. 

Chapter 4

“911 what’s your emergency?” I was nervous, like at school, I couldn’t speak at all. I have never talked to anyone associated with the police before. The police dispatcher sounded very calm, like he has dealt with this type of situation a million times. 

“Uh, hi” I said in a really frail voice. “My parents have been beating and cutting me badly and I have no idea how to deal with it anymore.” I started to cry while on the phone. I haven’t cried in years. Real crying. I have always teared up, but never cried. I absolutely never explained to people what my parents do to me, especially strangers.

“Alright, where do you live so we could send an officer there.” 

“66 Abbey Road.” I replied. There was pain in my voice, like my soul being stabbed over and over again. It wasn’t a good feeling. Not in the slightest.

“Alright, an officer will be there no less than ten minutes.” She said. I didn’t even say “thank you,” I couldn’t. How could I say thank you. I just called the police on my own parents.  

“There is no going back now.” I whispered to myself. When I started toward my house, my legs were getting heavy, like it was my body telling me to not go near that house. My head was getting light, and my eyes started to water. 

“What’s going on with me?” I asked myself expecting an answer. I never got one. Why was I trying to get closer to that house to the house that I was trying oh so desperately to avoid. I will never know. The closer I got to that house, the worse I felt. With every step, the closer I was to collapsing. 

I was in front of the house. That was the worst mistake I have ever made. In front of my view, an overly large house. With two faces in different windows, looking at me. At first I had no idea I knew they were, but upon looking closer. They were my personal devils in my makeshift hell. My Mom and Dad. 

My heart beating faster and faster, quivering more and more violently. I couldn’t stop myself from feeling all of these things. I usually could stop myself from feeling anything. It was like a light switch. I could flip it to turn off my feelings. This time was different . I felt weak and helpless.  I couldn’t control anything in my life anymore. It was a weird feeling but I didn’t care. That was the least of my worries. The biggest of my worries was the two demons that live in my house.

I walked up to the door, put my hand on the doorknob, then. I felt a glimmer of hope. I heard the sirens of the police. That was my hope. My final hope. They were seconds away, for once in a long while. 

“I could take a couple seconds in my personal hell.” Oh I was wrong. When I walked through the doors of hell, “WHAM!” My Dad's belt came flying across my face. 

“WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!?” He was yelling, if you could call it that. It was way louder than yelling, but a little quieter than screaming. I could barely feel the belt across my face. I was already a custom to it. Maybe too custom to it. 

“SKIPPING A MATH TEST THEN RUNNING OUT OF SCH-” before he could even finish his thought, he was taken down by a police officer. My Dad's yelling was so loud that no one couldn’t hear anything in their surroundings. My face was so red, it was like when I was embarrassed by something. 

“Are you ok kid?”

“Yea, I think so.” I answered the cop. My face was turning numb. I couldn’t feel a thing.

“What's going on down here?!” My mom stormed down the stairs. She only saw me though. She didn’t notice the cop right in the living room. She took the nearest belt and started using it, but improperly. Again, thirty seconds later I was getting beat again. This time I didn’t care as much. The cop saw it start.

Both my Mom and Dad where in handcuffs and getting led to the cop car. I felt, happy. For once it was something different besides pain and pain only. I started to lounge on the couch, then the cop came up to me.

“Hey I need to talk to you, before you relax too much.” 

“Yea sure what’s up?” I was very confused why he needed to talk to me. I had done nothing besides call the police on my own parents. Maybe that was the reason, to ask why I called the police on them.

“Since you are only 14, you obviously can’t live by yourself. So uh, do you have any family in the area that could take care of you?” This was another topic I often avoided. The rest of my family, the ones who cared about me, disappeared. No one knows, even the police who are great detectives, couldn’t figure it out. It would’ve been nice to have like an Uncle you could talk to, or a cousin who was your closest friend. They are all gone though. 

“Uh, no. They all died, well I’m guessing they did.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. When we get down to the station we’ll ask you Mom or Dad if they know anyone who could take you in.” His voice sounded like he hated saying that sentence. He was only telling me the truth though. I couldn’t argue with that at all. He was telling me the truth.

“So what is going to happen to me then?” 

“Well.” The cop went on. “I’ll let you stay here, for the night. If your Mom or Dad doesn’t find anyone to take you in, then you’ll be put into an orphanage.” I couldn’t believe anything he was telling me at this point. How could I. This had to be a nightmare. It wasn’t, it was real life with a real human being telling me the real, painful, truth. This was horrible. 

“Uh, okay, lets just hope that they can find someone.”

“Yea, let's hope.” The cop responded. His voice sounded comforting. Just what I needed to hear funny enough. 

He started towards the door.

“See ya kid.” The cop said before leaving the house.

I heard the car start, then drive off.

“What am I going to do now?” I panicked. I took my phone and tried to call Terrance. 

“Oh please pick up,” I pleaded to the phone. “Pick up. Pick up. Pick up!” There was no answer, just the answering machine that answered if no one picked the phone. I immediately went to call Randy. He always picks up no matter what. He could be inside a volcano being burned alive, and he’ll still pick up the phone. 

“Hello?” Randy picked up the phone, he sounded tired though. I would’ve felt bad if the orphanage wasn’t on my mind.

“Randy something good, and bad just happened.”

“Why what happened?” He always sounds very interested whenever either Terrance and I say something remotely interesting, he zones back in. Then asks five-million questions about that subject. He was the only one who had known about my parents beating the crap out of me every other hour of every day.  Well until I told Terrance. 

“I finally broke, I called the police on my parents.”

“Wait, what do you mean? Why did you call the police on your parents?” It seemed like. he had completely forgotten about what I told him about my parents. 

“Well, I called the police on them because they were hitting me and cutting me every other hour, glad to hear that you forgot.”

“Oh no, I didn’t forget that, it just doesn’t seem like you. Calling the police on your parents.” He spoke, but not like he was happy, like he usually does. It sounded like he was concerned about me, it sounded like how Terrance sounded when I told him about everything. 

“Yea, but that's not the worst of it though.” I spoke. Suddenly my tone had changed from confused, to scared.

“Go on.”

“If my parents don’t find someone to take me in and obviously, take care of me. They are going to put me into an orphanage or something like that.” I had already forgotten where I was going if my parents don’t feel like finding someone to take care of me. 

“Oh my god, are you sure or was he just saying that?” He said, I could tell he was quivering. His voice sounded very shaky. He was as hurt by that as I was, maybe more. If that’s possible.

“Yea, I’m sure.” I didn’t know what else to say, my brain was turning into a foggy mess. 

“Oh hey Will, my parents need me. Uh I’ll be right back. Ok?” 

“Uh yeah that's fine.”

Chapter 5

It was like an hour back before I started to consider hanging up on Randy. I honestly can’t believe I didn’t hang up before then, but thank god he came back to the phone.

“Hey, sorry I took so long. Oh wow that was about an hour.” Randy caught me off guard. I was just wasting my time watching TV, not expecting Randy to come back to the phone. Funny enough, he did.

“Oh, uh it’s fine, I think haha. Wow, I can’t believe it’s already 10:30.” I usually go to bed around nine o’clock. It wasn’t my choice though, it was my Mom and Dad’s choice. I was fourteen, and I still had a nine year olds bedtime schedule. I have to admit, it feels good that I don’t have to go to bed.

“So if you don’t mind asking, what did your parents want?” I asked. He was gone for over an hour, so I want an answer why he didn’t come back faster. I obviously didn’t say that, but I was certainly thinking about it. 

“So, in theory. If you could have the chance to live with my family, would you.” He asked. I could tell Randy was very nervous asking that question. I get why though, asking your best friend to ask to move in with them.

“That’s random. Before I answer, why do you ask?” While I was asking that I think I already knew the answer. My parents called Randy’s parents, asking if I could live with them. 

“Well,” Randy started talking, but I was too excited to think or listen to what Randy had to say. Then I started thinking, why did my parents call Randy’s house, if they didn’t care about me in the slightest. Maybe they did, they just didn’t know how to say it. But then why did they keep hurting me. Nothing made sense, but I didn't care. I will be living with Randy, one of my closest friends.

“My Mom wanted to know why I got a 60 on a math test. Then I just told her what type of position you were in. I told her that your parents are in jail, but you had no one to take you in. Long story short, I offered if you could live with us. Obviously, she was very uncertain about having you living with us. It took a whole lot of convincing, but they said yeah. Well, a lot more than just ‘yeah,’ but whatever.” Randy said that all in one breath. By the end of that paragraph, he was trying to get his breath back from talking so much. 

“That’s great news, well for me haha. Are you sure your parents allowed this.”

“Come on, Will. You know me, I tell no lies.” I couldn’t believe this in the slightest. 

“I’m going to live with, Randy.” I thought to myself.

“Hey, I’m tired. I am going to bed, my family will be picking you up around one o’clock.”

“Okay, thanks Randy, well I guess I should get to sleep also.” I said before passing out on the couch.

Chapter 6

When I looked at the clock in the living room, 

“Oh no.” I said looking at the time. “Is it really almost one o’clock?” I was in disbelief that I had slept for fourteen and a half hours. To be honest, I still can’t believe that. In the back of my mind for the whole time I was waiting for Randy, one thing was just floating around. What will Terrance’s response to this whole situation be? I chose not to worry about it too much though.

I quickly packed all of my clothes and a few other things like headphones and chargers into a bag that was too small. I didn’t care in the slightest. I looked at my phone, the time read one o’clock.

“Randy should be here any second now.” I assured myself. I was nervous the whole time I was awake, but as soon as I saw one o’clock on my phone. It was like I was back outside my house trying to get the courage to walk inside as if it was yesterday. Which it wasn’t, it was a brand new day. A fresh start. 

When I heard that doorbell rang, I almost killed myself by running down the stairs so fast.

“Well, this is it, a fresh start at life.” So many emotions that were completely new to me flooded my mind. Most importantly, happiness. I took one good last look at my now old house, and opened the front door to find Randy holding a huge suitcase.

“Uh, Randy. Why do you have a suitcase.” I said utterly surprised to find him holding a suitcase the size of him. I had no idea they made them that big, I guess I was wrong.

“It’s to transport your belongings to my house of course! What are you stupid or somethin?” 

“I have no idea anymore Randy.” I spoke softer than usual, but I don’t think Randy noticed.

“And uh, I have everything here, in this very small bag.” I pointed to the bag that was on my back. My parents barely bought me anything, and I am just lucky I got food to survive, clothes and a phone. Well that’s just great to get from parents who don’t like you in the first place.

“You’re joking right? Your parents barely bought you a couple pieces of clothes and can barely working phone?” Randy’s voice sounded like he was sorry for me. His eyes looked like he wanted to ask me how I survived for fourteen years. He remained quiet though. 

“Yeah, it’s the sad truth, but it is the truth. I barely came out of this year alive though. This year was the worst one of my life.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that Will.” Randy just looked at my body now, especially my face.

“Were there that many scars and bruises on your face, and your body?” He started to quiver as if he could feel my own pain. A friendship becomes special when he can feel what you're feeling. That’s what just happened, another person feeling what I was feeling. We started towards Randy’s house. My new house. Randy said something fairly interesting. 

“You know Mr. Mitchell right?” Randy said slowly. Why was he asking me this, when he’s my homeroom and math teacher.

“Duh, how could I not, he’s my homeroom and math teacher.” I responded in a tone that implies he was sorta wasting my time.

“Ok, so there is something that is always moving in my backyard, and it’s not an animal. I think it’s Mr. Mitchell.” Randy said, terrified. Something was clogging my throat just then, like someone was in control of my body, preventing me from speaking. I have no idea what this feeling was, but I absolutely hated it. We walked the rest of the way to his house in complete silence until I got the urge to say something.

“Maybe we could prove it’s Mr. Mitchell.”

“Yeah, how are we going to do that. We are only 14 years old.” Randy was right, we couldn’t do that. We were stupid middle schoolers. Couldn’t even try to pull off trying to steal something from the corner store.

Chapter 7

“It has been a couple years since I have written here” I whispered to myself looking at my old diary. It was covered in dust. I opened it and the last entry was November 5th, 2015.

“Wow, five years.” I immediately started to wonder why I stopped writing in the diary. I looked around on the page, not reading it and I saw water stains. They were small stains, tooked like someone had taken an eye dropper to it. It was weird, but it got way weirder. I read that page.

“November 5, 2015, that’s the date that my family died (present parents excluded).” I felt sick, like I was going to throw up. Those water stains weren’t eyedrop drops, they were tears, my tears. 

“Why can’t I remember any of this? That time of my life is completely blank.” Then I started to do what I do best, panic.

“RANDY!” I screamed. I usually have no one to talk to, but since I'm now living with Randy, I finally had someone to talk to.

“Yea, yeah I’m up.” Randy said, trying to mask the fact he fell asleep at eight in the afternoon. 

“Hey Randy, Please tell me you weren’t sleeping.”

“Of course not, why would I.” Randy said, trying so hard not to close his eyes for longer than a second. It was funny, seeing a fourteen year old falling asleep at only eight o’clock in the afternoon.

“Whatever, well I found my old diary.”

“Wait, for real.” Randy sounded really interested now, as usual. 

“Yeah, It was in my bag, I have no idea how It got there though. I don’t think I even packed it.” I completely forgot that I had a diary to begin with. For some reason, I can’t remember anything that had happened before 2016. I didn’t really take note of it though. I just passed it as another way my brain hates me, not letting me remember anything important. 

“Well, how did it get there then?” Randy sounded as surprised as me, maybe more. He always made a bigger deal out of things than needed. 

“Well, what are you waiting for, read the page. If you dare. Haha.” Randy said that. He didn’t expect me to actually start reading the page. Well, I was going to until we heard rustling outside my room window. 

“What’s that?” Randy asked. We both went to the window.

“Ha, maybe it's an animal.” Randy said stupidly.

“What type of animal would be out at this time of night, that could make the leaves rustle.” Sometimes I can’t believe how stupid Randy could be. It amazed me how small his brain could be.

“Wait.” Randy had turned pale, like he had just seen a ghost. He pointed to a shadowy figure in the distance. It was a human, it was standing on two legs. It’s clothes were worn out, almost ripping. Jeans so torn, I was surprised they were still in one piece. It's very messy hair, looked like it hadn’t been washed for at least a couple years.  

The human looked our way, I could tell Randy was as terrified. For once, I was more horrified than Randy. 

“Will, it’s looking at us. It is Mr. Mitchell!” Randy was paralized, he could barely move, so was I. 

“Holy crap, why is he in your backyard?” I wanted to start yelling, but I couldn’t.

“We gotta get out of this room now!”

“Good idea, really good idea. You know what that’s the best idea you have ever had.” I responded to Randy’s great idea. 

Mr. Mitchell looked like he was carrying two human-like objects. I looked closer before running out of that room. I saw two small children. I immediately started running, but Randy must’ve accidentally locked the door. I pounded and pleaded on the door. I heard running to the door. Randy was too late, Mr. Mitchell had grasped me. I felt bad for Randy, he saw his best friend get taken away from him.

Chapter 8

“Oh good.” A familiar voice filled the room. I must’ve passed out when Mr. Mitchell had taken me hostage.

“Took long enough to wake up.” I thought that it was a cop speaking to me, going to start asking questions on who kidnapped me. Oh how wrong I was. I was in a bomb shelter type room. Then I saw him, Mr. Mitchell. I looked around the room, it was very large. Maybe the size of a lunchroom. There was science equipment everywhere. It looked as if he was doing experiments. There was liquid in large containers in all corners of that room. I saw children. Hanging from the ceiling, but not by their feet. I couldn’t believe what was happening.

“Are you going to kill me?” I summon the energy left in my body to start speaking. It was very soft, but at least I could talk. Mr. Mitchell didn’t respond. He took a bottle of the liquid from one of those corners. 

“Let’s see if this version works.” Mr. Mitchell was shoving a test tube down my throat and made me drink the mystery liquid. It tasted like drinking ocean water. It was absolutely disgusting. I would’ve thrown up, but I was using all my energy in my body just trying to keep myself breathing. I looked at myself, I was hooked up to a computer of some kind. 

“Dammit!” Mr. Mitchell yelled out. “Looks like you’ll end up like everyone else who didn’t pass the test. He looked up at the children on the ceiling. 

“So you are going to hang me?” I asked

“What, hang you, hahaha.” Mr. Mitchell sounded, not like a human. An animal who evolved to look like a human, but wasn’t human.

“You deserve something way worse.

” What could be worse than being hung?” I thought to myself.  Mr. Mitchell pulled something out of his desk drawer. It was shiny. Looked like something that would be in a fancy kitchen, but this wasn’t anything like a kitchen. I took another glance at the object Mr. Mitchell was toying with his hands. It was a knife. Then I realized what he was going to do to me. He was going to stab me. It was one thing I haven’t felt yet. I honestly thought I was going to experience it way sooner than today.

Mr. Mitchell took the knife, and slowly put it to my side. As anyone could imagine, it hurt worse than getting hit in the face by a belt at full force. I felt the knife going further and further into my body, then it got pulled out. I heard a door cave in. 

“Police put your ha-” The cop didn’t even finish his sentence before tackling  Mr. Mitchell. He had him handcuffed then called for a paramedic.

“I need a paramedic here at 10 Howard Drive this instant. I felt the blood gushing out of my body. 

“Help me!” I said, trying to yell out. The cop came running towards me, he applied as much pressure to the stab wound as possible, but it wasn’t enough to slow the bleeding. I started to feel weaker than I did before, I started to get tired. My vision started to get foggy when I saw in the very far distance, paramedics. 

I woke up later that night. Well, I think it was night. I didn’t even know how long I was sleeping. My memory was foggy, I barely remembered what happened the day I got kidnapped.

“Is anyone here?” I asked aloud. A doctor swiftly came into the room.  He looked like he had been up for hours, there were bags under his eyes and he was a little clumsy walking in the room. 

“Oh finally, you are up.” He sounded relieved that I was awake. Maybe there were several police officers wanting to talk to me or something. 

“There are some people here to see you, they say their names are Randy and Terrance.” For some reason I was sorta disappointed to learn that police officers have not come to see me about all what happened. 

When Terrance and Randy walked into the room, I could tell something was wrong. What did the doctors say to them, if they said anything at all. I did feel sick, however. It wasn’t like a sick feeling I get when I come down with the flu. It was different, very different. Every once in a while, I could feel my stomach, like almost move. It was a weird feeling. 

“Is everything okay?” I asked Randy and Terrance. They weren’t acting like themselves. They didn’t answer me, they just looked around the room. It looked as if they were avoiding looking me in the eye’s. They studied what machines I were hooked up to, but never looked at me. Randy had tears forming under his eyes, same as Terrance. Terrance never shows his tears, I didn’t even know that guy cried. 

“Guys, what’s wrong.” I asked in a worried tone. I was scared they knew something about  my condition or something. Something I didn’t know about myself.

“Nothing is wrong, we are just worried about you, that’s all.” Randy spoke. Immediately after he spoke, Terrance hit him. It was like he didn’t want me to know anything. 

“What do you guys know?” I asked a couple times. I still got no answer. They were both tearing up at this point. It was funny. I had just got maybe three days worth of sleep, and I still felt tired. It felt like what I was feeling in that bunker, but not as severe. 

“How long was I out for?” 

“About 4 days.” Terrance said. It sounded like he was going to start crying while replying to me. I finally put the pieces together. I was dying. Whatever Mr. Mitchell gave me, it didn’t do what he wanted to do what he intended. It was instead poisoning me, killing me very slowly. 

“Randy, am I going to die?” Randy looked at me, then smiled. He didn’t have to answer. His smile gave me the answer really quickly.

“Let’s go Randy, can’t let my mom think we forgot about her.” There they went. As quickly as they entered, they left.

Chapter 9

Weird, looks like Will was keeping track of what happened in a journal. Wow,

he’s a really good writer. I'm not as good as him. I haven’t properly introduced myself yet, so sorry about that. I am Randy, Will has mentioned me a lot here actually. Anyway, I know I have marked this down as “Chapter 9,” but it isn't really a chapter. It is really to tell you what happened to this awesome writer. Almost a day after we left that hospital room, Will passed away. It was about a year after his death. I think it was a day later, maybe a week. Anyway, I am just finding this notebook. I knew he liked to read, but never thought he liked to write. Wow I am getting off topic really quick. Anyway, The teacher who did this to Will, Mr. Mitchell. He had been put into a maximum security prison. Terrance took it really hard though. He was never the same after Will’s death. He was almost never at school. When he was he always wore black clothes. He used to wear jeans and a blue t-shirt no matter the temperature out

I think I am going to try and get this published. At least try and share It to my whole school. That’ll be hard to do, but it’s worth a try. I think Will would’ve asked us to get this out to the public. Or at least hinted to it.

“If you can still hear me buddy, just know we all miss you.” 

THE END

[unravelling-the-world]

random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)

well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie.  back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time.  i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped

I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.

[anything-advice-blog]

Submission - AAD

Since Tumblr seems to be breaking I’ll just submit the whole story. So me and this girl (M) met in third grade, August of 2012. We’ve been inseparable ever since. We’ve been very close and affectionate even for close friends. Some time after that, I’m not sure when, I started to develop feelings for M. I realized and told her in March of 2014. I thought it was just a stupid crush and I pushed it to the back of my mind and focused on boys. I didn’t accept my identity just yet, and I just followed what other girls were doing. Throughout this my feelings for M grew intense. I realized - and told M - last summer that I was in love with her. And that I wasn’t exactly straight. M has Always (platonically) loved and supported me. Early May of this year, I decided to ask M to be my girlfriend. She said yes. We couldn’t tell anyone, though. I suspected for a while that she only said yes so that I wouldn’t get upset, as she knows of my severe depression and anxiety. She denied this claim. We’ve always been affectionate, but actually saying we were dating was thrilling. It was Nice. For a while. We’re both asexual btw. So we’re in Florida together for another day, we’ve been here all week with her family. On Tuesday, while her family was down at the beach, we were cuddling in our room and watching TV. She let me kiss her. I was overjoyed. I thought this meant we were better than ever. Her family came up at that moment and we sat up and apart. They never knew anything. Once they left, she seemed extremely upset. She said she was a terrible person and that I would be mad at her. She told me the truth. She’s never felt romantic feelings for me. She said yes so I wouldn’t be sad. I was completely correct. The last month had been a lie. I cried a lot and was alone for a while. We ended up texting our way through it on Wednesday, but I’m still not sure how I feel. I’m still deeply in love with her, but I feel that our friendship will never be the same, and I don’t know if I can trust her ever again. Please help, if you can. I know it would be best to leave, but I can’t live without M. I tried once and I got sent to a mental hospital because I can’t function properly without her. I don’t know what to do. ~ AAD

Update #1: We haven’t really spoken since this whole thing and I really want to talk it out with her but? I don’t know how? Normally we’re texting and face timing like 24/7 but since this ~incident~ we text each other rarely and I’m just so scared that I’m losing her but I’m still heartbroken over what she did so I don’t know how to feel or what to do

Update #2: sorry for being annoying and everything but it’s all just going so fast okay so turns out M and my other friend (N) were talking over the phone last night and wanted me to join but I was asleep so I have no idea what they were talking about (N knows about everything that’s happened) I know it doesn’t even matter but I get so fucking jealous like even before all of this happened I get so jealous so easily bc m is my everything and i can’t stand when she does anything without me which I know is really unhealthy but when they told me that last night happened (M texted me like 15 minutes ago) I just got so upset literally when I hear stuff like this it makes me want to kms or stab someone (I do have severe depression and anxiety btw) please help I don’t know why I get so jealous I can feel my heart pounding and I’m just not okay and I’m shaking and I want to hurt

Hey love, 

I answered your first submission here already when you sent in as a 3 parter.

Now as for your updates. 

Honestly? I think you should put your big girl panties on and sort out the situation. Is it going to be awkward? Yeah. Is it going to suck a little? Definitely. But you obviously want to reconcile with her and you obviously want to help her. If something small like this keeps you from even anting to talk it out with her, then there’s very little you can do. There’s no pretty way to go about it. You need to be honest with each other and talk about whatever issues you had with each other. Find a time and a private space to talk through what happened. How you can solve it better in the future? Address your concerns and hers as well. 

You’re right, your relationship will never be the same after what happened and that’s fine. You can use this to either strengthen your friendship or as a door opener for other possibilities. Give it time to heal. You were heartbroken and it’s still raw so you’re going to feel a lot of emotions. But don’t expect that it won’t be awkward for the first few months. Don’t expect yourself or her to pretend that nothing happened because it did. Because it happened, you were able to learn more about your own feelings and hers; whether that’s a good or bad thing, I think you still need to figure that out together. 

So talk to her. If you guys want to keep this friendship going, perhaps it would be best to clear up all misunderstandings. Why did she lie? Why did she decide to come clean? because you know, she could’ve pretended and lead you on for as long as she wanted. Instead, she came clean and told you the truth. The truth may have hurt but it was the truth. So talk to each other about these issues. It would also be fine to take a break from each other. it would be okay to not want to be friends with her as well. 

Are you being treated for your depression and anxiety? I think you should take up treatment or continue your treatment through this. Talk to a counsellor or therapist about what you’re going through and use their support and help to get through this. I know that you think you wouldn’t be able to live without M but I promise you you’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. You will survive this heartbreak. You will be hurt for a long time and sometimes it’ll still ache years later, but you will get through this. You have to believe in it and you have to try. Otherwise, you’ll never really know. 

As for your dependency on M, have you tried working on yourself? Finding things that you enjoy with yourself and no one else? Finding something that you like doing without M? Maybe hanging out with friends outside of M. Finding some time to be with yourself or with others who isn’t M may help you learn to be less dependent on M. It’ll allow you both to have a sense of individuality without co-dependency. Whether you stay as friends or proceed on as romantic partners, it would be best to learn this as well. 

I highly recommend you seek professional help for everything that’s happening right now. It’s not only what’s happening with M, but your depression, your anxiety, and you thoughts of self-harm are making it very hard to move on or even begin to processing what’s happening. So please, talk to a professional. Continue or get treatment for your mental health and give all of this some time to work through. It won’t be solved in days or even weeks or months. Trust that it will work out. We may not like the results but if you continue to hope for the best, to understand that everything happens for the better, and keep trying to get better you will one day fall in love again. You’ll find good friends and you’ll eventually learn to be happy. 

It’s okay to not be okay. For the time being, please try to talk to some friends that you trust when you start feeling triggered. Call them up. Go through a few breathing exercises with them. Cry. It’s okay to do that. If you feel that you are a danger to yourself or others, please contact your local emergency service. If you want to do, you can call a hotline or chat with someone live. 

Always by your side,

Kelly