#my favorite thing about it is that it smells so different after ive worn it for a little while

[chiritori]

my new perfume smells so amazing i wish everyone could smell it. i knew jeremy fragrance wouldnt steer me wrong

[cicinicole-14]

Hi for the ship thing and headcanons, please do jolex 🥰

Who is a night owl:

dont get me wrong, they both most definitely will stay up late together or both pass out before 9pm on a Friday night, but some days when the depression hits, its jsut different and Jo is definitely more of the night owl. Alex is more of a morning person and Jo would rather sleep like the dead. 

Who is a morning person:

as we’ve discovered, more so Alex esp when they have kiddos. Alex is the one to get up with them early and let Jo sleep, he makes breakfast with the kids’ help and keeps their room quiet for jo to get some extra sleep but will unleash their evil spawns when he deems she’s slept in long enough. 

Are they cuddlers:

some days, yes, mostly. jo definitely loves the affection from someone who genuinely loves and wants her back. but there are days where she literally is like “do not come near me with your (temperature) hot body Alexander Michael Karev, you are a heater and I am already too warm” 

Who is the big spoon and who is the little spoon:

Alex is def the big spoon. Jo likes cuddling into him because sh feels safe, he feels like home. but she def has big spooned him too it’s a 50/50 relationship we have equal roles people

What is their favourite sleeping position:

no lie, both spread out like starfish in their bed. 

Who steals all the blankets: 

Jo. Alex is a space heater and doesnt need blankets she freezes and likes being snuggled up and warm

What they wear to bed:

I mean some nights, nothing, but like jo def loves Alex’s old Iowa state shirts or his wrestling shirts from HS that smell like him. an old worn in t-shirt, anything with a pair of booty shorts or his boxers even. and Alex will just wear a t-shirt and boxers or flannels in the winter. 

Who likes seeing the other wearing their t-shirt:

Alex wholeheartedly loves when jo wears his shirts unless its his favorite flannel and she steals it “come on, jo. you know that’s my favorite one. I wear it all the time.” its exactly why she takes it. 

Who falls asleep mid-conversation:

jo, unintentionally. sometimes the insomnia hits and she won’t have slept for a couple days so when life catches back up to her she will fall asleep randomly. even more so while pregnant and right after their daughter is born. she just “night night Josephine” 

Who wakes up in the middle of the night with nightmares:

they both have their fair share of horrid nightmares. Alex’s deal a lot with his trauma of growing up. his mom pulling various knives on his siblings and dad attacking them. even nightmares of jo leaving him like Izzie did and he wakes up without her. 

jo’s are terrifying as well. she dreams that Paul’s death was just an illusion and that hes still out there and he’ll still come and get her. she wakes up drenched in a cold sweat and Alex holds her and they pull up his death certificate on the gsm database to prove it. she also has nightmares about being abandoned again. dreams of herself as a baby, dreams of her mother leaving her at that firestation. horrid nightmares. and Alex just holds her. she also has many nightmares about Alex abandoning her too just like her mother abandoned her but he’s never done that he’s always there when she wakes up and everything is okay again

Who accidentally punched the other in their sleep:

jo is an absolute horrible bed partner. she does NOT sleep still. she will move around so much during sleep its dangerous. yes, Alex did wake up with a bruise across his cheek one night from an elbow to the face...

Who can’t keep their hands to themself:

both of them. theyre notorious horndogs no autocorrect they are not corndogs please stop correcting me when you’re wrong 

and just because, im throwing in the parenting meme one too bc my heart melts

packs the lunches

Alex. he gets up with the kids in the mornings and also we do not trust jo to make their children food. she’d feed them boxed Mac n cheese and take out the entirety of their lives. and while they love that and Alex wouldn’t care if it was jsut them, their kids need real food. he packs them lunchables and uncrustables but at least its a little more of a variety. 

blows raspberries while cuddling

jo, more so. they both do, but jo LOVES a good chunky baby belly she can blow raspberries onto. and yes she leaves maroon lipstick marks on chubby cheeks and bellies. 

is the tickle monster

Alex. and she runs to mommy to save her from daddy! “oh, now you want mommy, huh? as soon as daddy is the tickle monster all you want is mommy? not when I wanted cuddles, or we picked you up from daycare or I dont know, I gave birth to you and wanted snuggles you cry and want daddy but now hes the tickle monster you want me?” and jo scoops her up and tries saving her but ultimately they lose and get attacked in their very large bed by the tickle monster. 

gives life lesson speeches

they both do just depending on the situations. 

when the girls start dating, jo sits them all down separately, and explains to them a bit of her past. letting them know that no man should ever lay hands on them. she teaches them how to defend themselves and Alex ofc shows them in example how women should be treated. Alex makes it clear that if a guy or girl ever should treat his daughters or his son in any other way than he treats jo, that he needs to know and gOD forbiD one of them lay a finger on one of his children there WILL be hell to pay. jo obviously consoles him in front of her children but tells him “u already have a record. if anyone lays hands on our children I will be putting them in the ground not you”

kisses the boo-boos

Alex he is a pushover and 100% makes sure all boo-boos are kissed and even when the kids are way too old for having their boo-boos kissed, he makes sure the bandaids that are no longer avengers or dinosaur or unicorn or princess themed, have been properly kissed. even through protests of “dad, im not five anymore I dont need my bandaids kissed” “how do you expect them to heal, then, CJ? you’re my most clumsy kid, and I have had to kiss all your boo-boos and never once have I not. thats why you’re still in once piece” 

breaks the bad news

jo makes Alex do it most times. she claims she’s the fun parent and tries to stay the fun parent by making Alex break bad news like “we cannot get another dog” she blames it on Alex but then brings home a puppy the following week. 

joins the PTA

listen. LISTEN. when Greyson started big kid school, in kindergarten, they placed her in private school to give her everything they didnt have growing up. jo was determined to make sure she gave her daughter everything made sure she felt loved and was spoiled it was terrible. so jo, of course, sent her to Seattle Elementary academy and was not paying attention when she signed some forms signing up to be in the PTA. she loathed it so much and “Alex im sorry I cant do this. I know we wanted to give Gracie everything we didnt have growing up but I cant take it I cant take the private school. the volunteer hours the strict dress code violations? she is FIVE. I also have to volunteer FORTY HOURS this year alone. no! I am a surgeon, a mother of two and im pregnant! I do not have time for this! all these PTA moms are stay at home moms who have nothing better to do than gossip about their neighbors and drink wine. and I swear to god if I have to hear about Jessica’s fucking essential oils pyramid scheme one more time I will shove those oils so far up her a––” “Jo! Look, Ali, mommy’s here!” Alex interrupts her just in time. he doesnt blame her. those private school moms are quiet the handful. every time, one of them has the nerve to hit on him. “and I swear, if one more of those moms hits on you in front of me, im going to backhand her with my engagement ring on. no hate to most of them, but theyre too much” they end up ending Gracie, and Ali and the rest of the kids to public school just like they had grown up in and did just fine. 

crashes sleepovers with embarrassing stories

oh one hundred and ten percent Alexander Michael Karev. he will find any moment to break out embarrassing stories and photos. hell, even when Zola, Bailey, ellis, Sofia, Harriet, scout, any of the bunch come over he’ll embarrass them too!  

gives the crazy nicknames

not really either of them (that ive figured out in the moment) (the kkc kids do not have crazy nicknames yet) (we jsut have Gracie for Greyson, Ali for Alice, and CJ for Cristina Jo. Alexis goes by Sissy because of Alexis and Alexa and Eli usually goes by bubba seeing as how that’s what the twins have called each other growing up with Izzie and that stuck) 

thank you so much for these! I loved loved loved doing them! even threw in some KKC universe things so if yall have questions about that feel free to ask I will share! tho there is yet to have a fic out about them yet… its been a bit difficult with writers block /: 

[nctsiren]

Thank you for turning on anon uwu for the ask game thingy can I ask these for all of the girls? daydreams, caress, ivory, golden, freckles, twilight, poppy, clouds, roses, lollipop, dimples, whisper, pencil, honey, velvet, strawberry, kiss, shampoo, lace, sapphos?

hewwo anon!!! thank u for requesting!! i’m sorry it’s late :(( hope you enjoy, nonetheless!! i enjoyed writing it 🥺

daydream-

hyeyoung: “i think i’ll say joan jett or debbie harry!! i admire them a lot, i love their music, and i think it’d be fun to be a rock singer.”

mila: “i think it’d be nice to be beetle. i’ve always wondered how his mind works. being a dog seems cool”

evie was answered in my other post!!

jimin: “seulgi unnie!! i’ve always wondered what it would feel like to be perfect ;)”

caress-

hyeyoung: “i love to snuggle... i like when johnny lays between my legs with his head on my chest. it makes me so happy.”

mila: “yes... but i play hard to get with some of the wayv members. i feel at ease cuddling with ten.”

evie was answered in my other post!!

jimin: “there are hundreds of youtube comps of me being snuggly and affectionate .. i just love my members”

ivory-

hyeyoung: “i wear matching sets. like the pants and the button up shirt? or the silk/satin shorts and matching tank tops. i love cute pajamas, i always have.”

mila: “i usually wear a sports bra and boxers or shorts.”

evie: “big shirt and my underwear.”

jimin: “usually a big hoodie and shorts!”

golden-

hyeyoung: “i cannot choose!! i own lots of stationary, and i scrapbook, as well.”

mila: “i’m not really a stationary person. just gimme some lined paper and i am all good.”

evie: “i love a good pen.”

jimin: “AHH i’m a sucker for the cute stationary cards. i like writing letters and notes”

freckles-

hyeyoung: “honestly, i have a pair of black cigarette pants that i love to pieces. i wear them often- they just go with everything and are so comfortable!”

mila: “i... honestly probably this hoodie i stole from lucas. it’s super big and comfy. if i don’t wear it at certain times i feel like something bad will happen ://“

evie: “i have this big, chunky grandpa sweater that’s striped and i wear it to the point where it might start falling apart.”

jimin: “it’s not really a clothing item, but i’ve worn the lily necklace chenle gave me every day since i got it. and my necklace that’s just my name, jimin, in cursive.”

twilight (this is their best friend outside of the other girls)-

hyeyoung: “i know it’s cheesy, but johnny, for obvious reasons... i’m also quite close to irene unnie, as well as jaehyun and taeyong. it’s hard for me to pick.”

mila: “ten.”

evie: “i legitimately cannot pick outside of the girls... maybe lucas... or yuta... or doyo... i don’t fucking know.”

jimin: “chenle- i’m stuck with him.”

poppy-

hyeyoung: “pink. i’m not even much of a pink girl, but pastel pink is lovely.”

mila: “is... pastel orange a thing? i see it in my mind, but i don’t know if anyone else can.”

evie: “green. green is my favorite color in general, all shades.”

jimin: “lavender and periwinkle are my favorite colors outside of grey and white.”

clouds-

hyeyoung: “it was me alone in a practice room, but the room had large windows in it and it was so light. i was dancing- there was no music playling, but i still was. i felt so happy, and i stopped after twirling because johnny had arrived and he just smiled at me with so much love in his eyes.”

mila: “i honestly don’t remember my dreams, but i remember how i felt during them?”

evie was answered in my other post!!

jimin: “all of my dreams are weird and i don’t have a favorite because they’re too bizarre to enjoy.”

roses-

hyeyoung: “red roses... my late grandma, who was the person i loved most in the world, loved red roses.”

mila: “i think... tulips.”

evie was answered in my other post!!

jimin: “lilies, but not because of my name. my loved ones give them to me because of my name, but i love them because i receive them from my loved ones LMAO”

lollipop-

hyeyoung: “lipstick is my favorite. nice reds and pinks. i never go dark with lipstick- only dark eye makeup.”

mila: “i love ALL makeup”

evie: “i kind of hate wearing makeup, but i guess i’d pick eyebrow stuff.”

jimin: “mascara and blush! i like the heavy blush look.”

dimples-

hyeyoung: “my favorite thing is when i see people’s eyes crinkle when they smile. smiles and lips- oh, lips- are so beautiful.”

mila: “i love the variety of expressions that people can show even in a matter of seconds. i love seeing the range of emotions and thoughts on people’s faces.”

evie: “i love noses. all noses. also, i think facial structures are so lovely and unique. everyone is different.”

jimin: “smiles and eyes. i think eyes are so, so beautiful. i’ve never met anyone with eyes that aren’t beautiful. and smiles are heavenly because seeing a person’s joy written on their face is priceless.”

whisper-

hyeyoung: “i usually get the amount you’re supposed to get. i tend to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. my alarm is santeria by sublime, like johnny’s...”

mila: “i have horrible, horrible insomnia and only get a very little amount.”

evie was answered on my other post!! ++ she also will sleep through ANYTHING even her alarms

jimin: “i either get too much or too little.”

pencil-

hyeyoung: “i bullet journal to plan, and i also write down the things that make me anxious during the day so that i can reflect and see what i could do next time to sooth myself more”

mila: “lined notebooks full of songs that i keep in a specific drawer. if i need to get out anything, it escapes my mind in a song”

evie: “my journals are 10% words, 90% drawings.”

jimin: “i have my song journals, but then i have my jimin journals which hold every intimate thought or emotion i have ever felt.”

honey-

hyeyoung: “baby or love. those are what johnny most commonly calls me. he likes to call me angel, too, and that really gets me :) .. we also call each other chipmunk.”

mila: “i used to hate being called lala, but now i love it. it’s also cute when evie calls me baozi, because i call her shumai. i also like bun.”

evie’s is answered on my other post!!

jimin: “uhh... baby, minmin (thanks, jisung), i like when people call me flower too 🥺”

velvet-

hyeyoung: “my first crush? i saw kurt cobain when i was little and thought he was the most handsome man i’d ever seen- i listened to a lot of nirvana growing up. a lot of people don’t expect me to like things like grunge or rock, but it’s very much my style!! im just shy and don’t dress to reflect it.”

mila: “i watched hercules when i was really little and became obsessed with meg. yup. it was the classic ‘i just thought i wanted to be her!’ but nope. gay.”

evie: “i don’t remember?! i think it was when i was in secondary school, because i didn’t like anyone for a while. just this classmate... and i was a cringe little fuck.”

jimin: “the first notable one i remember was when i was in second grade... i was reading twilight and fell in love with edward. yes, i was reading twilight in second grade, yes when i got to breaking dawn my mom didn’t let me read part of the honeymoon. i also had a crush on bella, and to this day, i would be in a throuple with robert pattinson and kristen stewart.”

strawberry-

hyeyoung: “cherries and strawberries, because they taste best covered in chocolate.”

mila: “mangos are so fucking good.”

evie: “grapes are arguably the best fruit and gumdrop grapes are arguably the best kind.”

jimin: “watermelon, bitchesssss”

kiss-

hyeyoung: “i mean, my first kiss was with a boy i was friends with when i was in america. we had both smoked a cigarette before it (i just wanted to try it) so it tasted bad. the other guys i kissed i weren’t proper friends with, and then johnny.”

mila: “um, ive kissed evie, like, when we were dating. i havent kissed many people to be honest...”

evie: “i kissed mila, i’ve kissed lily (a friendly peck), i’ve ALMOST kissed hyeyoung, i’ve kissed some of my guy friends and girl friends predebut- so, yes, i have kissed friends. and people who aren’t friends. i just like to kiss.”

jimin: “... sigh. renjun, chenle, evie, The Ex We Don’t Talk About, yeri (friendly, like with evie), and probably a few other friends in a non-romantic way? i dunno”

shampoo-

hyeyoung: “my favorite scent is johnny’s versace cologne, his shampoo, and his skin. definitely roses. i also love my perfume smell, clean linen, and i love the smell of champagne.”

mila: “i like the smell of cigarettes... YES i know it’s bad, but it calms me down. i’d also pick the smell of rain, or beetle, because he always smells good.”

evie: “the smell of paint and pencils is so comforting. i also like nature smells. when the air smells cold, it’s so nice. and the OCEAN.”

jimin: “home-y smells? laundry, and warm smells... lavender and florals, my perfume, and the smell of summer nights and bonfires. also any of my members.”

lace-

hyeyoung: definitely a dress person, is definitely in love with the classiness and sleeves of that first one, and is definitely happy about how sexy she looks in that second one.

mila: is NOT a dress person and prefers dresses that she can go braless with and are comfortable

evie: this is just Evie and we all know it

jimin: the first one is cute on it’s own AND with a big sweater/sweatshirt over it, and the second one make her feel like she on a european holiday

sapphos-

hyeyoung: “jiminnie :) she writes such beautiful poetry- i’m very thankful that she chose to share some with me!”

mila: “i don’t think i have a favorite poet, to be honest... i like kate bush, though, and i know she’s a singer, but she’s truly a poet.”

evie: “michael faudet. he wrote a series of poetry books, his first is called ‘dirty pretty things’ and it’s really 18+ but i thought it was gorgeous. i have all of his books.”

jimin: “asking me to pick a favorite poet is like asking me to pick a favorite member- can’t do it.”

[weartirondad]

Sometimes Home Is A Mess

Prompt: “Please don’t leave me, I can’t do this without you.”“(With bby Peter and Tony) The Avengers are paroned from the according and return to the tower but haven't really asked for forgiveness. Baby Peter remembers days his dad returning with a limp and dent heart. Peter being a little genius connect the dots is now clinging to his father he felt he could have lost. Seeing the avengers gives no only Tony anxiety but to Peter as well. He scream and cries when he's so much a inch away from his farther heart. begging him not to go or leave his side.” (Anon)

A/N: Set after You Made Me A Believer. You don’t hafta read it together but you could.  Also check out this amazing song Home - by Stefanie Heinzmann 

Summary:  When the Avengers break apart, Tony is tired and worn and broken but Peter is there and it helps. -- When the Avengers get pardoned a year later because the world decides they need their heroes back Tony is worn from the fights he fought to get them there and Peter is still there.

FF.net I ao3 

--

There’s a dull ache behind his temple when his fuzzy mind clambers back into consciousness and a throbbing pain sits right behind his sternum. The feeling of his chest split open and his every muscle battered and bruised is a distressingly familiar one and for the briefest of moments the air around him feels too humid and dirty.

He can taste the blood and the sweat and smells the burned flesh and metal. He hears the crunching of sand between his teeth when he moves his jaw. He sees red and feels cold.

He’s not there, though, he knows that. Knows it by the way his ribs are cracked in a meticulously designed half-oval and by the memories he can’t push away.

His near death experience years ago in that cave in Afghanistan feels small, manageable, compared to the new betrayal. The new incision cut open scar tissue he’s been trying his hardest to forget but it’s different this time, somehow, more personal.

A humorless laugh slips past his dry lips at the thought of something being more personal than what Obie did to him and soon after he starts coughing, wincing when each and every fiber of his body is cataloging more pain until he feels it’s all he is.

“Jar?”

The name is out before he can think better of it and when it is – warm and familiar and soothing on his tongue – the wrong voice replies, hesitant in a way JARVIS wouldn’t have been. But Jarvis is Vision now and doesn’t have to answer to him anymore – not like that at least. Just another soul slipping from his desperate fingers that are always searching for a meaning, closeness, a family.

“You seem agitated, boss. Do you want me to call for help?”

He wants to scoff at the notion but thinks better of it, eyes still closed, mouth still dry.

“No,” he croaks out eventually because he doesn’t want help – doesn’t deserve it either. If he has to keep living, he wants to do it like this – in darkness and alone. He wants to embrace the shadows that have been hovering at his doorstep for as long as he can remember.

Some famous dead guy once said ‘We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone.’ and that’s exactly what he wants to do. Somewhere without the hurt, the constant betrayal and disappointment. He just wants peace.

That's all he’s ever wanted.

It’s all he’ll never get.

When F.R.I.D.A.Y. stays quiet he feels tears burn in his eyes. JARVIS would’ve ignored his orders.

He’s close to drifting off again when a small commotion startles him awake – survival instinct kicking in, even in a tower better secured than Fort Knox he’s always alert, always expecting something to attack.

This particular assault, though, makes his heart lighter and his muscles relax for the first time since… since that bunker probably. Since that god forsaken video.

“Peter is here to see you, boss, he asks if you’re up.” The AI’s voice is fond and it eases the pain of missing his old friend. F.R.I.D.A.Y. and Peter are getting along. Peter loves the Irish voice and the way she’s coded. To him she’s family just like Vision is.

“Let him in.”

It’s only been a few months since that fatal shooting that lead him to the boy and his aunt but ever since then they have taken up such a huge part of his life that he can’t remember a time when he didn’t have a kid running through his living room, dropping pens and paper and Lego everywhere.

When Peter is there, every corner of the empty tower is filled with life and laughter and love. He drives the ghosts and memories away, replaces them with new ones – better ones, purer ones – without realizing what he’s doing.

The squirt comes barreling into the room, arms clutching a lime green notebook to his chest, eyes twinkling and lips moving with rambles Tony’s dazed mind doesn’t quite catch.

He is young. He is life. He is hope.

He is everything Tony isn’t.                                                          

But then he stops and takes him in and his mouth slams shut, the audible click of his teeth like a gunshot in the sterile room. The smile in his eyes drains like a plug being pulled and there’s something wary in them now – a mind trapped in a memory – and there’s fear and hesitation.

“Tony?” he asks, voice eons away from the happy one he craves to hear. “Wha – What happened?”

Peter doesn’t drop the notebook like Tony might have. Instead he clutches it more tightly to his chest when he slowly steps closer to the bed, entire posture guarded and tense, ready to bolt at any second but not really wanting to.

“I,” he sighs because he hates lying and then tries not to wince which goes less than successful, “I got into a fight,” is what he settles on but he can see by the frown forming on Peter’s forehead that he’s suspicious. “You know how the super hero life goes – criminals don’t like being stopped.”

It’s a pathetic attempt at a joke and he knows that even with six years Peter can see right through his façade. Damn this kid and his emotional intelligence.

“Normal criminals don’t get that close,” he retorts quietly and then adds, voice dropping: “Pepper said you went out to help Captain America.”

Ah. Well, that’s just unfortunate.

“I did.”

“He hurt you.”

“Maybe I hurt him too.”

That makes the boy pause and look down, gaze stopping on his bruised hand that is connected to an IV stand next to his bed. Somehow, when he looks up again he looks older.

“Mister Vision had to fly out to get you back. If Captain America was that hurt he would’ve brought him back, too.”

Tony hates the matter of fact way he says it and the distrust that swings in his voice when speaking about one of his child hood heroes. He wants to take it all away but he finds that he’s too worn to lie, too tired to comfort, so he does what he does best and deflects.

“I thought you didn’t like hospitals.”

Peter shrugs like it’s not a big deal but his knuckles are turning white with the force he uses to clutch his notebook and when he mumbles a reply he doesn’t meet his eyes, “’S not a real hospital. ‘S like home. I was –“ He breaks off blushing and voice small when he finally looks at him again, “Are you okay?”

A small smile graces Tony’s lips and, to his utmost surprise, it doesn’t feel fake. He likes it when Peter calls the tower home. It feels like a spark of hope that it might be one again one day.

“I’m better now that I’ve got my favorite person in the whole world around to blow kisses on my booboos,” he grins and scoots over to make room on his bed for Peter.

It’s what they usually do when he gets back from a mission and is resting on the couch or his bed and Peter doesn’t waste another second to comply, jumping up and nestling into his side like a cat like he always does.

Like clockwork Tony’s arm winds around the boy’s back despite the pain the movement elicits and Peter leans forward to receive the usual kiss to the top of his head. When he leans back to scrutinize Tony his nose is adorably scrunched up and he looks slightly indignant. “Y’ know, booboo is a baby word and I’m a big boy.”

“Oh, you’re a big boy now, are you?” The offended puppy eyes melt away the last of the Siberian ice and he yields to the little boy. “Okay, okay. You’re a big boy,” he acquiesces, “So what kind of big boy stuff have you been up to while I was gone?”

Peter jumps right into it, pulling up his notebook and showing him how he has been practicing writing cursive. It became a thing just before Peter started school in summer that Tony would start to teach him the art of cursive writing. The moment he saw May’s awful handwriting for the first time he knew he couldn’t let the poor boy learn on that alone, so he took it upon himself to coach him on the intricacies of it.

Despite popular belief he actually loved writing things by hand and he had a good handwriting – it was just impractical most of the time and when did he ever do things for fun?  

The kid is still flicking through his book looking for a particular page when Tony startles both of them with a laugh.

“Did you,” he snorts and blinks away the moisture in his eyes that he’s not sure comes from the pain or the laughter, “Did you really write my name on there? C’mere, show me that!”

The hand not holding Peter in place tugs the book out of his hands and flicks to the side where he had painted a big Iron Man helmet and had written his superhero’s persona’s name next to it for Peter to practice writing the capital I. Peter, being Peter, though had decided to defy him on all accounts and had written his name – Anthony Edward Stark – over and over until the page was full. Ending on a half- finished Anthony Edw –

The writing is shaky and awkward because some of the letters they haven’t even practiced yet but all of them are correct and in that moment Tony loves Peter more than he could ever put into words, more than he ever thought he could love someone and he laughs again and this time he knows the tears are from both the pain of what he’s lost and from the bliss – the future – he’s holding in his arms.

“You think you’re being really funny, don’t ya?”

Peter scoffs and sticks his tongue out at him. “I am funny.”

Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou

“I really love you buddy, you know that?”

“’Course I do. You tell me all the time.”

 -.-

When the Avengers get pardoned a year later because the world decides they need their heroes back Tony is worn from the fights he fought to get them there.

He’s scared and anxious and angry but when he steps out into the penthouse Peter is sitting there – the picture of a content child – working on a LEGO set Tony is sure is above his age range and his inner storm calms when he approaches and sits down cross-legged next to him, watching him align the pieces carefully and with his tongue tucked between his teeth.

Maybe it’s selfish to break him out of his concentration, maybe he should just let him be but he needs Peter’s strength right now, needs his smile to build up his own because he’s tired and he’s wary and he needs to be reminded what he’s doing all this for.

“Hey bud,” he greets him with a hair ruffle and presses a kiss to the top of his head, lingering an instant longer than he normally would to breathe in the familiar scent. It’s home and it’s safe and it’s wonderful.

“Whataya up to?”

Peter beams up at him and somehow it makes his heart lighter and heavier at the same time. “May got me an AT-AP Walker Set! Pepper promised to help me build it but Morgan was hungry and I think she pooped herself,” he sniffs as if thinking back to a truly awful memory and Tony can’t help the smile forming on his lips. “Do you wanna help, too?”

“I would love to,” he sighs dramatically and leans back against the couch, watching Peter with a lazy smile. When he’s here like this he can almost forget what comes after. “But I still got an important meeting in, uh, five minutes and just wanted to drop by to, uh, say hi.”

Almost.

Slowly Peter puts down the grey bricks he has been working on and eyes him critically. “You never come home early when you still have a meeting,” he notes, “Unless you’re not going to the meeting but I think Pepper’d be mad if it’s important.”

“Shush,” he rolls his eyes and reaches out again to ruffle his hair. A part of him just wants to hold his boy close and never let go but the bigger part doesn’t want to worry him and to keep him as far away from all of this as possible. Which might not be very far for long.

“I promise I’m going. I just wanted to see something cute before I spend the next few hours with all these boring old folks.”

“I’m not cute,” the squirt quips back and goes back to sorting his bricks, “Morgan is cute. I’m –“

“Yeah, you’re what, Petey? Adorable? Precious? As sweet as the marshmallow fluff that’s giving you cavity? Delightful, maybe? Or what about-“

Suddenly his mouth his covered by a small sweaty hand and he can see how Peter is trying to be serious but he’s failing to suppress a giggle. “I’m not cute.”

Seizing the opportunity he tackles the kid into a hug and holds him close, “Okay, whatever buddy,” he breathes into his hair, “You know I love you, right?”

Soft curls tickle his nose when Peter nods dutifully and he knows he has to leave soon, knows he’s already running late and he can’t be – not for this. But suddenly letting go is so much harder than just getting his muscles to release the small body. The conference room suddenly seems so much farther away than just two stories down, it feels like they’re worlds apart and he likes this one better.

“Steve Rogers is requesting entry to the penthouse,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. interrupts his musings and just like that he feels Peter freeze in his hold and look up at him, eyes wide and betrayed and scared.

“What’s he doing here?” he demands, “What does he want? Why’d you let him in? Wh –“ Then, suddenly, he stills and glares, pushing away from Tony’s grasp and crossing his arms in front of his chest in a way that looks less like defiance and more like he’s shielding himself.  

“He’s your meeting, isn’t he?” he all but spits out and it sounds like the ultimate betrayal. His voice is shaking with anger and his doe eyes, usually soft and loving, are as closed off as Tony has ever seen them.

He pushes himself up to sit on the couch instead of on the ground so they’re eye-level and leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees. Without looking away from Peter, he raises his voice to talk to his AI.

“Tell him access denied and I’ll be with them in just a sec.”

“Them,” Peter narrows his eyes, “Who’s them?”

“The Avengers, Peter, I’m sure you’ve heard of them,” he retorts and immediately feels guilty when there’s a flash of hurt in his eyes. He sighs, head hanging, “Look, I’m sorry, Pete. I’m –“

Before he can decide on what to say, he’s being interrupted, something Peter rarely does and never when it’s important but the boy in front of him who dropped his arms and has his hands clenched to fists, shaking with fury isn’t the boy he usually deals with.

“Why are they here?”

“To talk.”

He wants to walk over to him and take him in his arms again to stop him from shaking like a leaf but he doesn’t want to tower over him, doesn’t want to crouch to be on his level either. This conversation is important and he knows he needs to stay put for now.

“The world needs the Avengers, Pete. We need them to protect the world. I need them to protect Morgan and – and to protect you. To protect my fa-“

“NO!” He all but screams and it has Tony mentally take a step back and stare when he’s stomping his foot and pulling his hair.

“No! No, no, no, no, no. NO!” he yells again, “I don’t need them! We – We don’t need them. We have you!” He scowls angrily. “You’re – You’re Iron Man! And they – I don’t trust them! I hate them! I want them to – I want them to go! Tell them to go away!”

Now, without trying to be braggadocios, Tony would say after helping raise Peter for almost two years and having a toddler of his own he has a pretty good grip on the whole parenting thing but – for fuck’s sake – he’s had it easy so far and never really had to deal with an actual tantrum before.

Sure, Morgan fusses and cries and wails like the world is ending sometimes but a four-month-old tantrum is much different from Peter having a meltdown in front of him. Peter, the most well behaved boy on the planet who rather screams into his pillow than at people and who, for reasons he tries not to dwell on, never ever pushes May or him away in fear of pushing too far and losing too much.

Peter is a good kid. Sometimes he’s angry, sometimes he’s sad and sometimes he has so many emotions he doesn’t know how to deal with that he shuts down but the last time Tony has seen him this helplessly angry was the night he found him in a dark alleyway bend over his uncle’s dead body.

The entirety of his small body seems to be filled with rage. He’s trembling with it, overflowing with fury and what looks like something that’s much too close to hatred for Tony to ever want to see it in his boy’s eyes ever again.

He remembers the first time he had to calm him down, remembers the blood and the pain and the harsh light of the streetlamps and he hates it. Hates the Rogues for making Peter feel that way again more than he hates them for leaving in the first place.

“Kiddo,” he murmurs and slides down from the couch, sitting cross legged and with open arms in front of the shaking kid. He doesn’t scoot closer even though he wants to and tries to beckon him towards him with his voice alone. “They won’t hurt you, I promise. I would never let anyone hurt you.”

“But they hurt you.” Peter hasn’t moved yet but his voice has dropped a few pitches and some of the anger is seeping out of his shoulder. Tony would only count it as a half-win, though, when it’s instantly replaced by sadness and fear. Those he knows how to deal with at least.

“I don’t want them to hurt you again,” he whispers, taking a timid step forward and letting Tony reach for his hands that are hanging listlessly by his side. He watches him uncurl them quietly and when he looks up to meet his gaze again there are tears running down his cheeks. “You have to take care,” he demands reverently and takes another step forward, dropping into Tony’s lap and throwing his arms around the older man’s neck.

“You have to take care and come back,” he presses into his collarbone, “You can’t – Please don’t leave me all alone. I only have May and you and I can’t do this without you. I can’t. You have to promise!”

Oh Peter.

Tony pulls the small boy impossibly closer, rubbing a hand over his back and pressing a kiss to his temple.

“I promise I’ll always come back home to you, kiddo.”

And maybe that’s an unfair promise to make when he can’t ever be sure he’ll be able to keep it. Maybe lying makes him a bad parent. But right now he has his kid crying into his t-shirt and he’d do anything to make it better and so he promises himself that he’ll always do his best and fight his hardest to make sure he’ll always be there to make it better.

[feargender]

that’s the kind of love that i’ve been dreaming of

read here on ao3

I.

Juno doesn’t usually like going undercover for a job. Too many ways for it to go wrong, too much to remember about his alias, and acting has never been his forte. He’s really more of a “kick the door down, gun blazing and bleeding heavily from a stab wound” kind of lady. That said, he would pretend to be a different person every day of the week if it meant Peter would keep looking at him like this. 

The Roses are making another appearance, because, as Buddy had put it, “It’s ridiculous to let a solid married persona complete with documentation go to waste.” 

They’re sitting in a restaurant on one of Jupiter’s moons, which is the only building on this particular moon at all. The restaurant has ten tables made entirely of precious jewels and no menu. Instead there are what must be over a dozen bite sized courses paired with a swallow of different wines. 

The course sitting in front of them now is an emerald green beetle. When Juno taps his spoon against the hard shell, it cracks neatly, allowing a creamy broth and assortment of tiny leaves to flow out. The flavor is a little tangy for his pallet and the wine is almost tasteless. 

Peter hasn’t even looked at his plate, busy as he is studying Juno. He’s wearing a blood red dress with a slit up the side, showing where a garter is holding his stocking up high on his thigh. The neckline dips down to his sternum and his neck is slung with a number of different jeweled necklaces. His lip stain is gold and matches his shining false eye.

“You’re staring,” Juno says, sipping his tiny serving of thin wine. 

“You’re beautiful,” Peter counters and Juno suppresses his blush with a firm glare. 

“Don’t you have other things to be watching right now, Nureyev?” Juno arches an eyebrow and Peter grins lazily, glancing over Juno’s shoulder at their mark, seated with his own date a few tables down. 

“He doesn’t like his dish, he’s been pushing it around his plate for three minutes,” Peter reports. 

Juno fingers the small signaling device in his clutch, shaped like a tube of lipstick. The only way to hack into the mark’s server is through a complicated program Rita created that requires her signal to be within a range of fifty feet to work. Juno didn’t understand most of what she told him, he just knows that his job is to hold the not-tube of lipstick and hope Rita doesn’t trigger any firewalls. 

“We should do this more often,” Peter says, reaching across the table to hold Juno’s hand. 

“What, eat food so expensive I think my tastebuds are going into debt?” Juno says, but it’s with a smile and a squeeze of Peter’s fingers. 

Peter laughs and shakes his head. “Spend time together, just the two of us.” 

Juno leans in closer, lowering his voice. “Only if it’s as Peter and Juno, and no one else,” he murmurs. 

Peter’s smile softens from amusement to adoration, a look Juno is unused to on anyone’s face, especially aimed at him. It makes his stomach flip pleasantly. “Deal.”

Just then, Juno’s earpiece (disguised as a rather elaborate cuff) crackles to life. “Hey boss? I think we have a problem.” 

Peter’s eyes narrow as he gazes past Juno again at their mark, but otherwise his facial expression tells Juno nothing. He can hardly turn around in his seat, so he hisses, “What is it?” 

“I’m pretty sure I tripped this guy’s security. Aaaaand I think he mighta noticed,” Rita says worriedly. 

“He is looking rather red in the face, and I don’t think it’s the food. Can you still get what we need?” Peter asks. 

“Well yeah, ‘course I can! But it might take longer than you have before he finds out where the signal is coming from,” Rita explains. Juno looks down at the clutch in his lap, containing the secret lipstick shaped device. 

“He’ll know it’s us either way. This isn’t really the kind of joint where you can just get up and walk out without anyone noticing,” Juno grumbles, eyeing the hawkish maitre’d across the dining room. 

“And we were having such a nice evening,” Peter says, feigning moroseness, but his mouth is twitching around the edges. He loves a good escape and Juno knows it. “Ready to go, dear?” 

Juno sucks down the rest of his watery wine and nods. “Ready.” 

II. 

Peter hears it, faintly, as if from a great distance. Juno calling his name, somewhere deeper in whatever building they’ve found themselves in. A dark, winding place with narrow hallways and no windows. There will be a door and the only thing beyond it is another gray hall, seemingly identical to the last. 

Juno calls his name again and he sounds wretched, like the shriek is ripped from him by a harsh fist. Peter has never heard Juno make a sound like that before. It’s louder this time and Peter calls back. It comes out a hoarse whisper, the air trapped in his lungs. 

He reaches a dead end and a door, but leading in the opposite direction of Juno’s voice. Juno screams again wordlessly. Peter can feel tears prickling at the corners of his eyes as he tries to call back, but again Juno’s name remains lodged firmly in his throat. He tries to run down the hall but he just continues his slow, torturous shuffle, hands dragging along the metal walls as his muscles burn and strain with no results. 

The tears spill down his cheeks now as Juno screams continuously, wails broken by coughs and two cracked syllables that must be Peter’s name, but they’re unrecognizable. Finally, Peter reaches another door, Juno’s voice bouncing around behind it. It’s locked tight, no knob or activation panel in sight. Peter slides to his knees against it, listening to Juno’s shouts and his own strained efforts of responding. If Juno can hear him, he gives no indication, and Peter cannot muster strength enough to do any more than knock his head against the metal door and weep. 

Peter wakes to the sensation of choking, his eyelashes glued together with tears. He coughs and sniffles, gulping down a breath of air as his entire body shakes with the strain of trying to move while paralyzed by sleep and his crying. He coughs again, throat crackling with tears and snot and spit. 

Juno shifts beside him, sitting up on his elbows and turning his head. “You alright?” 

Peter intends to say that he’s fine, Juno, go back to sleep but the words don’t come. He sniffs. Juno rolls onto his side with a groan, groping around until the lamp by his side of the bed bursts to life and Peter winces at the sudden brightness. 

Juno squints his eye at Peter blearily and frowns. “You look horrible,” he says. 

Peter huffs out a wet laugh. “Just what every man loves to hear,” he says. Juno only clicks his tongue and scoots closer, pressing his front against the line of Peter’s body. 

“Nightmare?” Juno asks. Peter hums and they both move until Peter is curled inward, folded to rest his head on Juno’s chest and drape his arm across the soft expanse of Juno’s stomach, listening to his heart and feeling his every breath. 

The tears abate after a few moments and the embarrassment creeps in. Peter lets out a self deprecating little laugh, patting the wet spot on Juno’s sleep shirt that has developed under his cheek. “I think I got snot on you,” he mumbles, beginning to move away. 

Juno tightens his grip just a bit. Not enough that Peter couldn’t continue to move, but enough to indicate that Juno doesn’t want him to. He shrugs. “I can wash it.” 

“I’m not usually so,” Peter doesn’t know how to finish the sentence, so he just waves his hand around vaguely. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Juno replies dismissively. 

“Really, this is-” Peter begins and Juno nudges him. 

“Just let me hold you, Nureyev,” Juno says, exasperation tinging his voice. 

Peter blinks, but relaxes into Juno’s embrace again. Juno leans his cheek against the top of Peter’s head and they rest like that. If Peter asks that they leave the lamp on, no one has to know but them. 

III.

It had started innocently enough. As it turns out, with how much travel is involved in intergalactic thievery, Peter is a bit of a stream buff. Nowhere near as intent on them as Rita, but he has a few favorites that he wants to introduce Juno to. They waited until everyone else cleared out, and then commandeered the media room, armed to the teeth with snacks and a small pile of blankets. 

By the end of the first episode, Juno was straddling Peter’s lap. The intro theme to the second episode begins to play, but Juno’s attention is split between Peter’s teeth against his lip and his hands worming beneath Juno’s worn long sleeved shirt, one threatening to edge beneath the waistband of his sweatpants. He’s just considering whether or not he should suggest moving this somewhere more private when Peter dumps him to the side and unfurls a fluffy blanket over them both. 

The confusion has just enough time to abate for a tinge of hurt feelings to set in when Rita shuffles into the room, hair hidden beneath a silk scarf and fuzzy robe wrapped over her pajamas. 

Juno feels his face heat up, but Rita can’t possibly see it in the dark under the glow of the stream. “I thought I heard the theme song! I love this one,” she says happily. She goes to plop down next to them, but then stops, a sly smile playing on her mouth. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” 

Juno is about to say yes, please fuck off, when Peter shakes his head and goes, “No, of course not. Please join us, Rita.” 

Rita claps and wedges herself between the two of them, monopolizing the blanket. “The costumes could really be better, that fashion was way out of date by the 22nd Century,” she remarks, leaning past Juno to grab the bowl of popcorn. 

IV. 

Juno comes into the kitchen to the smell of something burning, and badly. He covers his nose, wincing, and edges around the corner. Peter stands, still in his pajamas, waving his hands frantically at a pan on the stove which is brightly ablaze. He reaches for a half full glass of water on the counter and splashes it on the contents of the pan, leaping back with a yelp when the fire bursts with even more life. 

Juno shoves Peter out of the way and grabs a pot lid with a pair of tongs, sliding it onto the burning pan and smothering the blaze, waving his hand in front of his face to try to disperse some of the smoke, grateful that the fire alarm on the ship is broken after some mistaken tampering on Jet’s part. 

“Peter, what the fuck?” Juno coughs out, reaching for a towel and waving it at the black smoke still pouring from the burnt contents of the stove. 

“I… thought I’d try my hand at breakfast. Clearly it didn’t go as planned,” Peter says evenly. 

“You started a fire,” Juno says blankly. 

“I tried to put it out!” 

“You can’t dump water on a grease fire! You have to smother it,” Juno squeezes the broken bridge of his nose. 

“And now I know that. You truly do learn something new every day. Incredible,” Peter leans against the counter casually, as if the edge of his silky nightie isn’t blackened with soot. He turns his gaze down after a moment. “I wanted to do something nice.” 

Juno edges closer, taking one of Peter’s hands. “I appreciate the effort. Just leave the cooking to me, from now on?” Peter nods. “Pancakes?” 

“That would be nice.” 

V. 

Juno, in his years as a cop and then a private detective, has almost worked stakeouts down to an exact science. His first rule is that they are strictly a solo activity. After a few hours in a car, staring at the same street, even the closest of friendships can get strained. 

Still, Peter had insisted on accompanying him. “This is hardly my first time, detective,” he had said, breezing past Juno toward the junky car they had picked up for the occasion. “It’ll be fine.” 

That was six hours ago. Now, Juno’s ass is asleep, the coffee is long cold, the snacks are nearly depleted, and Peter will not stop fidgeting. He gets it, really, he does. They guy has a hard time keeping still. He has to have something to do with his hands. First, he was flipping his butterfly knife around, but the constant flashes of light against the blade had been distracting, so he stopped. Then, he drummed his fingers, but that gets old fast. Now, he’s scribbling with a pen on a piece of paper (a menu?), and the scratching noise is about to drive Juno insane. 

Luckily, Peter notices the tick in Juno’s jaw before he has to be an asshole and say anything. The doodling stops. Juno thinks that might be it, and relaxes. 

A few moments later, Peter breaks the silence and makes Juno jump. “So,” he drawls, “this is cozy.” He drapes an arm across the back of Juno’s seat. 

Juno blinks at him once. Twice. “Do not,” he finally grunts. 

“What?” Peter says, but he’s grinning like a cat and his eyebrow is quirked, pulling on the small scar that splits it down the middle. 

“Do not try to put your moves on me right now. We’ve been breathing each other’s stale air all day, I am three minutes away from an apocalyptic cramp in my leg, and I’m just not in the mood,” Juno snips. 

Peter blows out a long, irritated sigh. “Fine, I just thought a little activity might be nice,” he relents. He sits back in his seat and stares resolutely out of the window. The tapping starts again. Juno wants to scream.

+1

As they walk around the park, Juno feels more and more awkward. He’s wearing a sunny yellow dress and a floppy black hat and carrying a picnic basket in the crook of one elbow. His other hand is latched around Peter’s, their rings clinking together. Peter is wearing a new shade of soft purple lipstick and Juno can’t help but melt a little every time they meet eyes. 

But still, in the back of his mind, he thinks, Is this really me? Is he really a lady who is allowed to have a picnic with someone he loves? 

Loves. He tries not to dwell on that particular thought, because now they’ve found a shady spot under a tree and Peter is spreading out the blanket on the grass and throwing himself down. He manages to make it look graceful and Juno suppresses a grunt when his back twinges on his own way down. 

Peter offers Juno a half of a cheese sandwich and twists the cork out of the sweet wine they picked up a few planets ago, pouring it into two mugs, because they were the only cups clean when they were packing the basket. 

Juno takes the sandwich and sits quietly, listening to the birds, tilting his face up to meet the foreign sun. When he looks back to Peter, he finds that Peter’s already watching him with a wobbly sort of smile on his face. 

“What? I got something on me?” Juno asks, brushing his fingers over his face to free any remaining breadcrumbs. 

“I like this,” Peter says, nudging Juno’s leg with his toe. He’s taken his shoes off, wearing only his mismatched socks. 

A shard of doubt softens in Juno’s chest. “Me, too. It’s nice,” Juno says, “being here. Just the two of us.” 

“Careful, Juno. Say many more things like that and you might ruin your rough detective image,” Peter warns, beaming. 

Juno lifts one shoulder, sipping his wine. It’s a little sugary for him, but Peter likes it. “I’m not a detective anymore.” 

Peter doesn’t reply, but his smile stays, and he tips over onto his side on the blanket, hair brushing against Juno’s thigh. When Juno slips his fingers through the strands Peter worms closer, reaching into the basket and popping a few grapes into his mouth. 

The sharp discomfort creeping up Juno’s back settles as Peter leans closer to him, the casual touch as soothing as the warm sunlight above. It is nice, being here with Peter, relaxing as if they’re the only two people in the universe that matter. Like they have all the time they’ll ever need and there’s nothing more urgent to do than doze at the park. Like Juno deserves this, like he doesn’t have to earn every gentle brush of his fingers through Peter’s hair and every soft word they exchange. 

“We should do this more often,” Juno says quietly and Peter hums in agreement. 

[katieelizabeth]

What would you call your body type? Definitely curvy

Are you a morning person? Yes and no. I’m taking sleep meds for nausea so right now waking up is kinda hard. 

Have you ever been to Target? Loveeeeee Target

Do you like iced tea? Iced tea is always my jam

When is the next time you’ll be at work? Hmm it’s kinda up in the air right now. I’m itching to get back tho.

Do you have a savings account? Yes. one for myself, one with my boyfriend

Has anyone ever hacked your accounts before? Only once.

What color bedsheets are currently on your bed? Currently grey

Have you ever been to Disney World? If so, how many times have you been? Yes, I wanna say total like 6 times.

Does grammar and capitalization mean anything to you? It absolutely does.

Are you good at wrapping gifts for others? My boyfriend thinks I'm a terrible wrapper hahah

Do you have a dirty clothes hamper in your room? Yes.

What would you say is your favorite television show? If I had to narrow it down, probably Skins. 

Do you enjoy big holiday dinners? Yes and no. I don’t care for holiday dinners with my family but I love holiday dinners with my boyfriends family. 

Is there any piece of jewelry you’re constantly wearing? I’m not married or engaged but I do wear a small silver band on my ring finger.

What is one thing you desire as of now? To be able to just go and sit down in a restaurant. This virus has everyone living in fear and I'm tired of it and want to live normally and enjoy my pregnancy

What kind of phone do you have? An iPhone XR.

If you could move anywhere, where would you choose? Canada or London

Do you blog a lot, if at all? No not really. I used to when Xanga was big.

Is your present hair color, natural? Nope.

What makes you the most angry when it comes to people? My boyfriend thinks that anytime my opinion is different than his, then I'm trying to argue with him. It’s so fucking frustrating. 

Describe your current outfit? Anaheim Ducks shirt and matching pj pants hahah

What was the last thing you ordered online? Some toothbrushes lol

Have you ever felt as though you were drifting apart from a best friend? Ive had two best friends in my life completely shut me out before. It sucks.

What color are your eyes? Poop brown

Have you ever worn color contacts? I have but I could never wear them because of the astigmatisms in both my eyes. Lasik was the best decision of my life

What’s the best thing about a hug? Right now I miss everything about hugs

Biggest fear? Losing my loved ones, death, never getting better/getting worse, never doing anything with my life....

If you have a significant other, how long have you been together? Just celebrated three years

Do you know any genuinely friendly people? Yes.

Do you buy your friends gifts? I try to when I can 

What was the last thing you plugged in? My phone to the charger.

How old are you? 29

What color headphones do you own? They’re black.

Have you ever shopped on Urban Outfitters? No, just a reminder than I'm fat

Where do you buy the majority of your clothing? Amazon, Goodwill

Would you rather wear necklaces or earrings? Necklaces

Do you consider yourself fortunate? Very

Do you enjoy watching fights? Nooo.

Have you ever been in a physical fight? No way

Do you tend to talk badly about people? I try not to but everyone is guilty of that

Where are your parents as of now? Watching tv in the tv room

Does your computer cooperate most of the time? I literally just bought it so yes haha

Does your family have any cheesy traditions? Kind of

When did you last go to a book store? Gosh it’s been a while!

What’s the closest book store where you live? Barnes & Noble.  

How much money do you have on you right now? On hand, $20.

Favorite personal feature? my hair and my lips

Are you wearing make up at the moment? Nope.

Favorite television channel? Bravo, E!, ID, HBO

Describe any piercings or tattoos you might have? 6 tattoos no piercings

Have you ever been fired from a job? INope

Are you currently losing a best friend? No.

Describe the worst day of your life: I’m good.

Do you play any video games? Not at the moment

Would you say you hate anyone? I feel hatred towards racists, homophobics, ect.

Do you think freckles are cute? Very cute!

Last time you went to the mall? Gosh its been a really long time

Name something that’s your favorite color: anything teal

Have you been to Red Lobster before? Yesssss. I want seafood

Do you judge by appearances? Anyone who tells you they don't to some degree is a fucking liar.

Do you follow a certain religion? No thank you

Who is your role model, if you had to choose? Im not really sure

Would you rather have nice hair or lips? Hair.

What are you most self conscious about? Pretty much my whole body

Do you have any family members who live out of town? Yeah.

Do you consider yourself short? Nope, I'm average height for a girl

What room are you in? Mine.

Hoodies or jackets? Hoodies.

Are you outside a lot? No not really. The sun doesn’t like my skin haha

Have you ever been dumped via text message? Nope

Do you like dreamcatchers? Not really

What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? I don’t have one.

Do you hate repetitive people and things? Depends on the situation

Do you think autocorrect is a blessing or curse? BOTH

Do you believe in any particular curses? No.

Ever play a Ouija board? Nope, my mom wouldn't let me growing up

What movie scares you the most? The Exorcist. I can watch the movie now no problem but it FUCKED up my childhood.

What was your bedtime as a child? 9. I remember watching Happy Days from 8-9

Reason why your favorite holiday is your favorite: Who doesn't love Christmastime?

Do you work with any close friends? I work with my baby daddy

Do you consider yourself spoiled? I would say in some way I'm probably spoiled

Do you listen to any country music? yes

Favorite high school teacher: I don’t specifically remember any high school teachers I liked. Probably my French teacher. He was super cool!

Do you ever get drunk? Of course. Can’t drink yet tho until after baby

Have you ever had highlights before? Nope

Favorite number: 7,10

Do you still sleep with any stuffed animals? Not anymore. I used to for a a long time 

 What is your biggest regret in life? Eh I've got a few

Would you say you think you have a mental disorder of some kind? Depression/anxiety. Ive taken meds for it 

Are you normally an independent person? I like to think myself as independent but my boyfriend sure takes care of me. I dunno what id do without him

Do you have any paintings? a few

What is one clothing fad you wish never existed? anything from the early 2000s haha

Do you like to be organized? Do I like it? Yes. Am I organized? NO

Have you ever failed a class before? oh yes

Ever been judged because of your weight? All the time. Not so much as an adult tho

What is your favorite breakfast cereal? The sugary bad ones, ha.

Ever had a wish come true? Nope

Do you regret meeting any of your exes? No way

Do you own any coloring books? Yes haha those adult ones

What’s the meanest thing someone’s called you? I can’t think of anything specific. Probably fat

Have you ever bullied someone? I likely have, unfortunately :(

Do you ever watch Lifetime? Only for the reality shows

Ever tried to intentionally sabotage someone’s grade? God no

Do you own any brown clothing? Hmmm I don’t think so

What color are your walls painted? White.

Last thing you drank: I’m drinking decaf coffee 

Have you ever seen a tornado in person? Noooo.

Do you have an inground pool at your house? Nope

What is the first digit of your phone number?  9

What’s the prettiest town you’ve been to? Anywhere in England

Do you tend to sleep a lot? yes and no. I’m taking sleeping meds but it’s hard for me to fall asleep

Silver or gold jewelry? Silver

Do you sometimes celebrate holidays early? Not usually. My boyfriends family Is out of state tho

Have you ever been in love? Yes.

What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? My unborn child

When was the last time you showered? Last night

Would you consider yourself attractive? Sometimes yes

Has anyone made you mad today? Nope

Favorite smell: Vanilla

Are you afraid of insects? I wouldn't say afraid

Do you have any children? I’ve got one cookin in the oven haha

If so, what are their names? I’ll tell you when I know the gender

Would ever consider having children in the future? MORE children? Lets see how traumatized this first one is haha

Have you ever lived on a farm? No.

Ever played any sports? Oh yes, played soccer till I was 18 

Do both of your parents have jobs? They're both retired from jobs they were at for 40+ years

Where is the best place you’ve been on vacation to? Its a tie between South Africa, London and Colorado

Are you afraid people won’t accept you? Not anymore. Being an adult means getting over that haha

Are you, for the most part, an honest person? I try to be

Did you make prank phone calls as a child? oh yes!

Do you like to make donations? Yeah.

What is your current ringtone? Just the standard apple ringtone

Meet anyone from your past lately? No.

Have you ever called a teen suicide line? No.

Have you ever caught something on fire? Not that I can think of

Ever been obsessed with a show? Ive been obsessed with many shows

What type of perfume or cologne do you use? English Laundry Signature

What’s the last book you read? The book that Ted Bundys girlfriend wrote

Dream career: Zooologist

Have you ever climbed a mountain before? Yes, in Colorado

At what age do you plan to get married? Not sure, we aren't in a rush to marry

Ever been in a car accident? Yes, three

[weirdlizard26]

For the ask meme? All of them.

jay,,,

give me a sec to edit this post ok

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

wine glasses are like reading glasses except you wear them while drinking wine

i’d say water bottles but only the ones that can handle heat and stuff and not poison your drink with plastic or whatever

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

i havent had a lollipop in a good while so thats my choice

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

havent tried either but boy i’d love to try just a little bit of cotton candy at leastonce

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

bro,,,,,, that was like 10 years ago, how am i supposed to remember that,,,,,,,

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

i usually drink soda from plastic cups but honestly? nothing beats the experience of sipping that sweet sweet ambrosia from the bottle,,, but also i’d love to try soda in a can some day!

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

idk what half of these would look like but sportswear always wins in my book

7. earbuds or headphones?

ok i actually googled whats the difference and im more of an earbuds person! theyrejust safer i think and it makes me kinda anxious when im home listening tomusic and cant hear anything going on around me

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows! well, unless the episodes are like 40 minutes or a full hour because its hard to focus for that long kfjsndkfs

9. favorite smell in the summer?

pavement after rain and also. grass.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

haha thats a funny joke you made there *starts crying*

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

just a couple of meat+cheese+mayo sandwiches! if its summer mom cuts tomatoes or cucumbers for us and as they start getting more and more expensive we replace them with pickles!

12. name of your favorite playlist?

sorry i couldnt choose!

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring!

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

aaaa i love fruit flavored ones!

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

aaaaaaaa i dont remember if it was elementary or middle school but we were assigned this really cool ukrainian book that ive actually read before they assigned it. well, nobody here will recognize it but it was Тореадори з Васюківки by Всеволод Нестайко and it was about 2 boys who were best friends growing up in the countryside and they went on adventures and had fun and their friendship made me so happy,,, i guess i was all for cool friendship portrayal even back then! it was mostly laughs and jokes but some moments were actually serious and hit me really hard and i remember them to this day actually

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

its a myth, sitting was created as a personal attack on me

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

my trusty old sneakers!! theyre all black and the sole is very soft and nice

18. ideal weather?

when the sun is out and its just warm enough to show off your new graphic tee and also very soft and nice

19. sleeping position?

i just lie on my left side like a fool

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

notebook!

21. obsession from childhood?

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!! AND DANNY PHANTOM!!!! i even made a ghost fighting costume once,,,, tho it wasnt much of a costume, it was just fingerless gloves i cut out of paper. they were extremely uncomfortable. but very effective in fighting ghosts!

22. role model?

kfjsdnfk i have a bunch! might sound weird but one of them is bdg i think??? and the other 2 are some online acquaintances whom im too afraid to interact with more often than i do

23. strange habits?

repeating silly lines i hear on tv / in anime/cartoons? and also i never touch food with my right hand unless its plums?? and there are more but. you know. bad memory.

24. favorite crystal?

all of them!!!!!

25. first song you remember hearing?

my grandma used to sing this to me over the phone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUPnqqPXQsw

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

go for a walk!

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

slep

28. five songs to describe you?

we are the people by empire of the sun

home by cavetown

strawberry blonde by mitski

smile like you mean it by the killers

afterlife by arcade fire

29. best way to bond with you?

wash your hands very thoroughly and make jokes

30. places that you find sacred?

i see nature i go crazy from how much respect i have for it

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass andtake names?

*wearing hinata cosplay* im here to play volleyball and kick your ass and as you can see ive already played today’s match

32. top five favorite vines?

road work ahead

a avocado!! thanks!!!!!

REBECCA THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK

i fell can you help me :(

that vine where ukulele sounds like human voices and people sounds like ukuleles

33. most used phrase in your phone?

idk how to check that??? sowwy

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

the stomach meds ad they keep showing on tv

35. average time you fall asleep?

3am? 4am? idk for sure

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

t-trollface…

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

havent used either (cause ive never traveled anywhere too far away) but the latter looks pretty and i feel like it would fit more stuff

38. lemonade or tea?

depends on my mood!

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

dont kick me but im not sure if ive ever tried either ;w;

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

the school’s cat who hates most people actually kinda warmed up to me even tho im terrible with animals

41. last person you texted?

jay uwu

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

afabs cant have both huh

but i want both. please give me both.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

all of these sound nice but my lazy ass will always go for hoodies

44. favorite scent for soap?

aaaaaaaa im allergic to a lot of soaps but i like flower scented ones

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

i love all of them dearly but lately ive been more into superheroes i think. im not sure really sure what exactly i feel

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

something really really long

47. favorite type of cheese?

there are different types????

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

i hope im a pear

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

become a good person. thats all.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

i dont remember what it was but i remember i was with my friends and we couldnt stop laughing for several minutes and ive never felt happier

51. current stresses?

UNIVERSITY FUCK OFF!!!

52. favorite font?

i like comic sans

53. what is the current state of your hands?

they arent doing so hot tbh, my dermatitis is back again

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i dont have one!

55. favorite fairy tale?

gonna be honest chief, i dont remember too many of them ;w;

56. favorite tradition?

on new year’s we turn the lights off, light up a candle in the kitchen, laugh at president’s speech and only then starts eating

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

getting over a lost friendship, passing high school finals and uni entrance exams and coming out to my best friend

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

singing!! being able to learn how to do most things pretty quickly!!! and i cant think of anything else but honestly these two are quite enough for me

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

uh oh! guess what! i dont have a catchphrase and im very self-conscious about it!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

im torn between sports anime and slice of life

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

because humans dont have wings we look for other ways to fly

from haikyuu

obviously

62. seven characters you relate to?

tsukishima kei from haikyuu

mae borowski from nitw

apollo justice from ace attorney

flame princess from adventure time

donatello from tmnt

sokka from atla

kageyama shigeo from mob psycho 100

63. five songs that would play in your club?

mr brightside, bohemian rhapsody, smile like you mean it by the killers and allof haikyuu ops and eds

64. favorite website from your childhood?

if social media counts, vkontakte i guess?? i didnt really go anywhere else and it still exists and i thriving so im not sure if it should count fkjsndkjf

65. any permanent scars?

yeah, the one from my very first vaccination from when i was a few months old i think and also some traces of when i had chickenpox

66. favorite flower(s)?

idk a lot of flower names but i really like tulips

67. good luck charms?

dont have any at the moment but i’d love to get one!

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

whatever fish mom used to buy when we were kids >:(

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

bro my memory isnt good enough to remember those,,

70. left or right handed?

im a righty but i had to become a lefty for like a month when i broke my pinkie

71. least favorite pattern?

i like traditional ukrainian ornaments

72. worst subject?

history :P

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

ice cream + fries

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

idk how pain levels work but i try not to take meds unless the pain is interfering with studying

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

idk but i had a box full of my teeth for so long they turned to dust and i had to throw it away

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

RHNGRHGNRHGRNH EVERYTHING except for freshly made mashed potatoes

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

if its green it can stay

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

have never had either of those and i hope i never will cause they sound gross!

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i dont have a license, so.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

kfjsndfks depends on the mood tbh!

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

fireflies!

82. pc or console?

i WISH i had a console but this is too broke for that,, i played a couple of times tho and it feels more fun than pc!

83. writing or drawing?

please dont make me choose, ive abandoned both and its making me feel bad

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts :O

84. barbie or polly pocket?

idk what polly pocket is but barbie rules!!!

85. fairy tales or mythology?

i feel like sometimes fairy tales are kinda like watered down myths so i have a right to say i like both

86. cookies or cupcakes?

my heart goes to cookies

87. your greatest fear?

finding out im faking any part of my identity

88. your greatest wish?

get through whatever’s going on right now

89. who would you put before everyone else?

mom

90. luckiest mistake?

when i recorded an undertale medley and got a few notes wrong but it actually ended up sounding better than originally

91. boxes or bags?

boxes!

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

fairy lights……

93. nicknames?

never really had many? my bff calls me mr smith sometimes but thats all i can think of fkjsdnfs but also! steve used to be my nickname before i decided my life my own and i get to choose my name

94. favorite season?

spring ;w;

95. favorite app on your phone?

sudoku

 96. desktop background?

 97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

my own and my mom’s

 98. favorite historical era?

eh im not very fond of the past because not every time period had soap

[octannibal-blake]

for your fic thingy: 1000x by Jarryd James and bellarke (this song seem to fit them so well in my opinion)

In another lifetimeI would never change my mindI would do it againOh, a thousand timesJust to let you in hereWhere you make me lose my mindIn another life I’d do it all again a thousand times

i.

The first is accidental. Bellamy meets the Princess by chance encounter in the marketplace as he reaches for a mango only to graze a petite hand doing the same. Their eyes meet and lightning strikes, electrifying his veins at  the simplest of touches. She smiles and he’s gone, just like that. 

He doesn’t know who she is until their fourth meeting, and he’s an earthquake of doubts and self-deprecation. But she cups his cheek and tells him it doesn’t matter, she has no interest in customs and tradition because she knows what her heart wants and he believes her. He so desperately wants to believe her. 

They spend years like this, in secret touches and hidden smiles. But then her father dies and suddenly, the kingdom is without a leader and who she marries becomes the talk of the town. He remembers the last time he sees her – she has tears in her eyes and regret painting her skin. She tells him how sorry she is and he can’t fight it. He knows and he knew what he signed up for. So he kisses her one last time.

“In another life, maybe,” he whispers against her lips. 

She marries soon after. Only a few years later does she hear news of his death, yellow fever it reads, and wonders if it may have been of heartbreak. 

ii. 

She’s the bane of his existence, forced to see her quite frequently because she’s a friend of his sister’s and they attend the same finishing school. She tugs on his uniform and he makes fun of her fancy dresses, mostly to make Octavia feel better because hers are hand stitched by their mother and made of cheap cotton. 

Clarke Griffin is a prime example of what the Blake’s will never have and he hates her for it, even if she didn’t choose what family to be born into. It continues from youth through adolescence and he finds every excuse he can to comment on her choice in partners. When Collins decides to court her, he can’t help but to snort. 

“You don’t have to be such an insufferable prick, you know that?” she huffs one day, as the town gala rages around them. She’s just finished dancing with Collins and sent him off to fetch a drink. Bellamy couldn’t resist grabbing her elbow and whispering in her ear. 

But then she stomps off and he can’t help but to follow her, something strange causing his chest to thump. He finds her in the garden, sniffling into the rose bush and he sighs, “I’m sorry, Clarke.”

She turns, “Why do you hate me so much?”

And it takes them being said allowed for Bellamy to realize he doesn’t hate her. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. He takes a moment to admire her in her dress, a dark blue silk that compliments her eyes beautifully and brings out the rosy hue of her cheeks. She’s beautiful, with her golden crown of hair and expressive smile. 

His favorite is one reserved only for him. 

“I don’t hate you,” he tells her stupidly and he can’t be sure how it happens, but suddenly she’s wrapped around him and her lips on her and for the first time, he feels wholly and truly alive. 

But it’s wrong and that’s what gets him to pull away because he knows he could do it forever. 

“We can’t do this,” he tells her and she backs away slowly, wiping him from her lips and pulling her shoulders back. She nods, just a simple but sad jerk of her head, and walks away. 

He courts a nice girl not long after Clarke’s engagement is announced. He thinks, on occasion, that maybe in another life it might have been. 

iii. 

He’s bleeding. It’s seeping in between her fingers as she presses down against the wound. 

“Clarke,” he says weakly, gripping her wrist with his own crimson colored hand, “Look at me.” 

Tears cloud her vision, hair blowing wildly in the winds of the unusually dry summer. She hadn’t realize how attached to this soldier she had become – as a nurse they warn against this sort of thing. It’s war, people die and there is no sense in creating lasting bonds when they will inevitably be broken whether by distance or trauma or the end of a life. 

Yet, Bellamy was different. He was all wit and charm when he was wheeled into her section of the small hospital on the outside of Belgium. It was just a concussion and a small gash on his upper lip that needed treating, but he made her laugh and in the short week he spent recovering, she couldn’t help the natural gravitation. It’s best described as a magnetic pull, some other worldly force drawing her to his bed in her down time to just sit and talk. 

And when he left, she felt something missing inside her chest and tried to work through it. Then, he wrote. Again and again he sent her letters and she finally picked up a pen and wrote back. She still has his last letter stuffed into the pocket of her skirt, the words etched into her memory for the rest of this life.

Falling in love with you felt as natural as falling asleep. Like I was always meant to do it and I couldn’t stop it if I tried. But I want to try, Clarke Griffin. If you’ll have me. 

She had just been about to write back, heart practically bursting in her chest when she heard the bombs in the distance. So the parchment was left discarded in her tent as she went to work. And it was in the middle of surgery on her seventh patient that she felt it. Felt her heart split practically in two and she knew. 

“I’m sorry,” he chokes out, his fingers thread weakly into her hair and his eyes grow heavy, “In another life, maybe.” 

She presses her lips to his desperately, hoping that maybe it would breathe new life into him. 

“Please,” she whispers against him, “Please, please, please.” 

But he’s gone.

iv. 

They never meet. Instead, as they hear the sirens wailing in the distance, signaling the end of the world, and they’re left feeling empty. 

v. 

The air smells of salt and faint laughter echos in the distance. It’s still a foreign sound to him, sometimes. Too peaceful, too normal. It feels wrong, after all this time. 

“Bellamy?” his lips quirk up unconsciously at the sound of her voice. He turns, the sharp blades of grass tickling his palms as he does, and takes her in. Some days he can’t believe she’s really here, that she survived the end of the world and came back to him after everything. After he left her behind. 

She sits down next to him, eyes gazing out towards the sea. It took months to get here and they weren’t easy. They all carry scars from the war, ghosts of the lives they’ve taken. It’s a heavy weight sometimes and for him, it often wakes him up in the middle of the night. But then he feels her next to him and that weight gets easier to carry. 

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” she asks and he admires her for a moment. Her hair tumbles down her shoulders now, worn similarly to those first days on the ground. He reaches out and tucks a strand behind her ear with a soft smile. 

“Sometimes I can’t believe we’re here,” he admits. She scoots closer and his arm falls around her shoulders. She buries herself in his chest, as if sensing he means it in more than one way. It’s hard to believe they made it out of the war, yes. But he also finds being here with her, in this way, more surreal. It’s something he never thought possible. He never thought it would be the right time. 

“Me either,” she murmurs in rhythm with his heartbeat. 

A thousand lives passed by, he thinks, but this is the first time they’re getting to live. 

[dayjobdracula]

Worn Out Souls

Genre: William-centric, post MS IV

Rating: M. For Will’s potty mouth.

Summary: An introspective ficlet in which William is all of us. It’s both my take and William’s take on the last twent-five years of the X-files. What Mulder and Scully are and what Mulder and Scully should have been. I promise I’m not just using Will to bitch about Chris Carter; this has a purpose. Also Scully gets to meet her son in person here, undisguised. Fuck you Chris.

Title taken from "Goodbye John Smith” by Barns Courtney. All of you go listen to it; it’s lovely.

Tagging @today-in-fic. 

What a fucking night. He shouldn’t have come back to Virginia so soon. God knows that sullen motherfucker rotting in the Potomac can’t catch him now, but leave it to Lady Luck to screw up his day. One flat tire, two angry rednecks, three close calls with law enforcement. Four different identities. He’s tired of the road.

(Scratch that. He’s not tired of the road; he’s tired of driving it underground. He wants blast MCR and stick his head out the window, his own head, with his own face and not the face of some guy he met in the gas station.)

He speaks to Dana sporadically, offering her snippets of his travels. In return, she answers his practical questions—laundry, cooking, navigation with no cell service. He picks around her thoughts sometimes. If she notices, she doesn’t say anything. He checks up on the creepy-looking blob she’ll give birth to in November. He is related to it, after all.

The Motel 8 in Reston has a selection of static and shit porn, so he binge-watches her memories instead, skipping the part where she’s abducted and stopping before Mulder is. Dana’s life plays like an exceptionally weird series of student films, and it feels wrong to love them.

He didn’t know it was possible to be nostalgic for things that happened before he was born. Long before he was born—the cramped basement office, the coming of age of his parents, the b-movie adventures that quietly led up to his conception. He misses the good old days, when she bickered high pitched and fiery, not weathered by sorrow after sorrow. He misses the good old days maybe more than she does. It’s a strange feeling, to love something long after it ends. But he does, he loves their batshit twenty-something silhouettes in the woods, and he wonders—when did the job they once enjoyed become a lifelong burden? Who decided to saddle them with back-breaking conspiracy and a literal galaxy of problems? Fuck him, whoever he is. (He’s only seen the guy once, dead as a fucking doornail at the river bottom. He feels guilty because he can’t feel sorry for him.)

Dana and Mulder didn’t deserve this shit. They deserved Sasquatch and Loch Ness and blurry polaroids in the forest. They deserved a chance to chase something happier than the magic murder-baby they were forced to give up. They didn’t deserve to live in mourning. None of us did.

It’s bullshit. He hops into the bed with his vape mod, stretches his legs, and spews a fog of raspberry steam into the room. Why couldn’t they live like those nutcases on the Discovery Channel? Tracking monsters in bumfuck nowhere, whacking trees and barbecuing ribs and screaming into the mountains for Bigfoot. It could be fun; it could have been fun; it was fun, but he arrived too late for it.

That’s really the kicker—he wants to be a part of their lives, he really does. But he doesn’t want to be the third grief-stricken, dysfunctional semi-genius sulking about their house. He wants to be a part of their lives before they gave birth to him. It saddens him to see them embrace the mundane, after the wild explorers they used to be. The only people who leave behind the good old days have been traumatized by them. Mulder and Dana aren’t your typical neighborhood couple; even in their utter domesticity, they slice themselves off from the world. They finally get out of the damned car, but only because the car is filled with ghosts.

They wouldn’t want to be normal, if the alternative wasn’t so soul-breaking.

It’s bullshit, he thinks again. It’s the only word that seems to sum it all up. He breathes into his vape mod and on a whim, changes the flavor to blueberry—convenience-store magic, his favorite kind. He closes his eyes.

Dana is standing in the Pacific Northwest rainforest in the ugliest goddamn coat he’s ever seen. Puffy fluorescent blue and fuschia, swallowing her whole.

Mulder has injured himself like an asshat for the umpteenth time. He still kisses her when the clock strikes midnight.

She is dying of cancer. He is dying of a mysterious brain illness. They are dying on the floor of an antique mansion, bleeding into the linoleum. She is dying. He is dying. One of them is always dying.

They’re a pain to keep an eye on, but someone has to do it.

A knock on the door rouses him, and it takes him a second to realize who it is. He’s been so busy unwrapping her past that he hasn’t bothered to check up on her present. Oops. He gets up off the bed, flings open the door—

And there she is. Her hands are shoved into the pockets of her coat (some things never change). Her hair is cropped to her neck, left mussed and untamed. She looks at him with those seen-some-shit blue eyes, wider now that the razor’s edges of her face have smoothed. Her baby belly pokes softly out her coat in a taut grey t-shirt. The kid is the size of a grapefruit. He Googled it yesterday. It unnerves him, how silently babies grow. Amoebic little creatures developing into people—and in his case, back into creatures again.

“You shouldn’t say that about yourself, Will.”

So she speaks, doesn’t just stare desperately at things with that haunted look in her eye. Who knew. She cocks her eyebrow at him.

“I speak what’s on my mind,” she says. It probably comes out sharper than she intended, because a sigh escapes her lips. She takes in the plane his face. He lets her. Her eyes settles on the vape mod in his hand. She snorts, doesn’t say anything, doesn’t judge him.

“Can I hug you, Will?” She asks breathlessly.

He nods dumbly, and she wraps her arms around him, a foot shorter than he is. She is warm, fragile and kevlar-tough at the same time. She is a comfort. She smells of citrus shampoo. Her rounded abdomen presses against his side, his sister, and it’s the singular weirdest thing he’s ever felt.

“I’m fine,” he assures her, because he’s not sure what else to say. “I knew you were coming.”

“I heard you in my head all morning, what did you expect?” She’s right—he’s living in her brain, and his sister is living in her womb, and he can’t help but feel like neither of them have earned a right to be there. They have the privilege to be. That’s what he’ll tell the kid when she gets older, that it’s a privilege to be. A privilege to love. It’s a pain, and it’s a privilege, because it’s a miracle any of them lived long enough to love at all.

Allowing himself a slight smile, he gestures to the crappy motel room she has seen a thousand of before. “Come inside.”

[alpas-anon]

A Letter to Peace.

Dear Peace,

I hope this finds you well.

I thought about writing this as a poem. Put all my feelings and thoughts about these moments, this experience, into perfectly balanced stanzas. Correct pauses, some rhythm and rhyme.

But that would be too neat. Nothing about myself is neat. I even said that with my face all messed up.

Poetry is like a song. Music is something I love, even at it's most dark and sorrowful. I don't want this to be in that place. When I hear a melody it brings up memories, or almost memories. I don't like to be reminded of this. I am hoping these words will bring an end to the memories.

Or at the very least bring it peace?

Peace. Yes. That IS why I am writing this. To bring peace. For someone to "find peace," I feel one must be, or have been haunted.

I am haunted by the smells and the sounds of this day...and the days before it. I now live in a purgatorious kind of state. I am so twisted up I am creating words that don't exist just to find SOMETHING.

anything.

For some reason one of the biggest triggers of this day is the smells.

Unscented Nivea hand cream.

I was nervously kneading that into my hands as I sat in the waiting room. I, of course, put too much on. It wasn't needed. But, I didn't know what else to do. I could text someone! No. Nobody knew, not yet. I could play a game! No. I only have 11% battery. The TV in the "lounge" was on the second lap of Medical facts and commercials. I have read every magazine in here already in the last 8 weeks, and 5 days...and 4 hours. But, who's keeping track right?

She called my name and the first thing that came to my mind was, "Shit, I have too much lotion on my hands." I tried wiping my hands on the inside of pockets but all I did was manage to get lint stuck in the creases of my knuckles.

She led me to Room 303. She pointed to the thread worn blue gown that I was to wear and handed me a pair of pink socks with the grippies on the foot. She explained where the "lounge" was if I needed water for my pitcher. I thought, "Well seeing as you JUST called me from there I think I can find my way. Thank you!" I smiled.

"Doctor will be in to see you in about 15 minutes and we will get you set up with the heartbeat monitor immediately after that and get you resting. I see the note in your folder that says no visitors. No problem. You are here for 24 hrs. so we do ask for an Emergency Contact number just in case." She left a form on the bed side cart and slipped out of the room.

I had just tied the gown haphazardly around my neck when Doc tapped on the door. I welcomed him in and as he stepped around the curtain 3 nurses came in with a cart. It was stacked with 2 monitors, a shit ton of cables and straps and a small printer that had a ribbon of paper 4 ft. long hanging from it's mouth. He looked annoyed.

"Ladies, let me talk to her first before we hook her up." They all stopped, but still in their bent and stretched positions. I almost laughed. They finally straightened after considering that he wasn't joking and just stepped to the side. He approached the bed and I sat up and moved my blanket and he shook his head. I think he knew I was gesturing if he wanted to sit.

He looked up at me then, and pulled a chair over and sat down. He remembered...and crossed his right leg over his left.

I have watched many Doctors deliver bad news to me. 1. They would be sitting behind a desk and ask (more demand and/or beg) if I wanted to have anyone with me. OR 2. Standing near me with a clipboard in their hand. I told him this 2 visits ago and he laughed at me...but still listened.

"You are about 9 weeks along. You are doing great but you know this isn't going to be an easy road. You will not make it full term, but if you listen and you follow my care, we can make try to make it as far as possible." I nodded. He leaned forward.

He touched my leg that was shaking up and down.

"I need you know, that YOUR safety is most important to me. If I can keep you safe, YOU can keep him or her safe." I nodded.

He stood up.

"Ok ladies, thank you for waiting." Looking at me he said, "I will see you in a few hours to update you on our readings and then I will see you in the AM to set up discharge."

20 minutes later I was hooked up to a monitor. I could see all of my vitals...

...and I heard a whirring sound. I knew that sound.

It was my favorite sound.

I created that sound.

Against all odds...here it was. My child's heartbeat.

I fell asleep.

I have no idea how long I was asleep for but the feeling of nausea hit me like nothing before. I woke up and felt confused and light headed. I couldn't find my glasses and realized I was tethered by all the cords and wires of the monitor. Before that realization hit me I was being pushed back into the pillow by a woman and I was suddenly overwhelmed by so many different beeps and alarms. I could hear the mechanical robotic sound of the printer spitting it's tongue of paper towards the floor.

"It's ok. Just lay back. The Doctor is on his way."

I really just wanted my glasses. I don't know if I asked 8 times or if I just thought it but finally I forced it out of my head, "WHERE ARE MY FRIGGEN GLASSES?!"

I felt the cold plastic familiar arms hug my temples and I blinked.

I stopped moving. I looked up at the monitors and focused.

I could still hear it. The whirring and muffled drumset.

I immediately felt nauseated again. This time with the added sensation of a hummingbird in my chest.

Doc came in as all the nurses were moving things around. Someone, at some point, jabbed an IV in my hand that felt like a garden hose.

"Doc, what happened?" I asked, what seemed way too loud.

What I didn't realize, at the time, that everything I just recalled happened in the course of about 20 minutes. It felt like 5 to me.

I also didn't notice that everyone but 2 nurses, a Respiratory Therapist and the Doctor were the only ones left in my room.

What I did notice was he was sitting. He looked over and nodded and the other people drifted toward the door.

"I need to call someone to be here with you. Who do you want me to call?"

I didn't answer.

I looked over at the monitors and focused. I focused on stopping the blood rushing sounds in my ears so I could filter in what I needed.

I closed my eyes and finally heard it.

It was soft...and so slow.

*Whoosh lub lub * a pause that was way too long... *Whoosh lub lub*

then an even longer pause....*whoosh lub....lub*

I put my hand on my stomach and then only heard...nothing.

[starfiresupernova]

11 Questions

I was tagged by both @jiyamarrii & @chasethesun18 to do this, so I’ll be answering 22 questions. But I love these things so I’m totally okay with it LOL. Anyway, let’s get started!

Laura’s Questions

1. Marvel or DC? TV-Verse or Film-Verse? Why? — The easy answer to this question is that I like all superhero stuff. I tend to watch more Marvel, but I’m a big fan of both. MCU? Yes please. Smallville? Sign me up. I haven’t watched the Marvel Netflix shows yet, but I really want to. Cloak and Dagger on Freeform is pretty good so far! I watched the first two seasons of Arrow and most of the Flash, but since the CW added all the other DC shows to their programming, I’ve been a little overwhelmed, but they’re still good! So yeah, long story short, I like it all :)

2. I’m looking for new TV shows to watch. Recommend me a show and tell me why you think I’d like it. — I can’t remember if you’ve watched Gilmore Girls or not, but I recommend it to everyone who wants something funny and heartwarming, but heartbreaking sometimes, too. Lorelai is my SPIRIT ANIMAL. Otherwise, I recommend Lost in Space on Netflix if you’re into Sci-Fi stuff (it’s also funny, and the characters are amazing). One Tree Hill is amazing if you’re into soapy teen dramas (like 90210 or Gossip Girl). The awesome thing about OTH though, is that it’s obviously drama, but it deals with other serious topics and it isn’t bitchy like GG. The characters are all different in their own way, and it’s my favorite teen drama show of all time.

3. Watch a random episode of Timeless. Tell me your opinions on the episode and I’ll try to guess which episode you watched. — Okay, so I know each episode like the back of my hand, so let’s go. It’s my second favorite episode of the entire show. The music is A+. (You’ve probably already guessed it by now lolol.) It has one of my top 5 favorite Lucy outfits. I’ve seen this episode so many times I’m pretty sure I can almost recite it word for word (and I’m not sorry about that).

4. Do you have a skin care routine? If yes, what is it? — Not really. I don’t use much on my skin to tell you the truth. I use the St. Ives Blackhead Clearing green tea scrub every other day, and once in a while I’ll use a Biore charcoal pore strip. Other than that I don’t use anything.

5. What are your favorite pair of shoes? Why? — This might sound completely childish, but I LOVE my shoes that have daisies on them. I got them at Payless, and they’re Minnie Mouse brand, but they’re black with little daisies printed on them and I love them so much. I need a new pair soon because they’re a few years old and they’re worn, but I love them to death.

6. What is your phone wallpaper? What is your desktop wallpaper? — My lock screen on my phone is a picture I found on Google Images of Timeless. It’s blue and has the Time Team and the Timeless logo with a cloud. My home screen on my phone is a cotton candy-esque background. My desktop wallpaper is the Timeless edit I made with the Taylor lyric “Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it.”

7. If you could have dinner with one person, dead, alive, or fictional, who would it be and why? — I really want to say Lorelai Gilmore (or anyone from Gilmore Girls, honestly..) for this one. Eating at Luke’s Diner? Yes. Please. I’m all in.

8. What’s your favorite smell? Why? — This is very oddly specific, but I have this notebook that I got for Christmas last year. And every book/notebook/paper smells good, but THIS NOTEBOOK. It’s my favorite kind of paper smell. I know, it’s weird, but it’s amazing. Otherwise I love lemon, vanilla, and peppermint scents and the smell of the grill when we grill hamburgers/hot dogs.

9. Do you have any tattoos? If yes, what are they? Do you regret any of them? — I do not have any tattoos, but I want to get one in the near future.

10. What is your horoscope for today? —  Jun 11, 2018 - You enjoy caring for others and you intervene regularly in their lives to guide them. Ironically, today you're the one who needs advice. You'll probably need to get away from it all in order to get a clear view of your own life, Leo. You could even decide to make the necessary arrangements for a trip abroad.

11. Beards: Yes or No? — UM YES.

(OBVIOUSLY I NEEDED TO INCLUDE WYATT’S MAGICAL BEARD)

I also love Xavier from No Tomorrow, Hugh Jackman, and John Krasinski. Their beards are also pretty magical.

Ryan’s Questions

1. If a book becomes a movie do you read it or watch it first? — Most of the time I don’t realize a movie was a book until after I see it. And then I always end up liking the movie better. (IE the Twilight saga) I always try to read the book first, but sometimes I’ll just watch the movie. 

2. What’s your favorite Disney movie? — OOH OKAY LET’S GO. Tangled is my favorite all-animated Disney movie. Meet the Robinsons comes at a second. Enchanted is my all-time favorite Disney movie EVER. My Favorite Martian is my favorite all-non-animated Disney movie. Also The Princess Diaries comes at a close second.

3. If you could have one superpower what would it be? — If I got to choose I would want to have telekinesis. Matilda has solidified that dream LOL.

4. Do you believe in soul mates? — I’m not sure, to tell you the truth. I don’t like to think that there’s only ONE person in the entire world that I’m meant to be with, and that they’re my other half. I mean, it’s a nice concept, but also I feel like I would just be too worried that I won’t ever meet my soulmate because it could literally be anyone in the entire universe. I’m meh on the subject.

5. What’s your happiest memory? — Honestly I think my most happy memories are when I was really little, like in early elementary school? Like, ages 5-11 is when I think I was most happy. And don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy now and whatever, but I have more responsibility now and I was more carefree back then. One memory that sticks out is Christmas of 2010. I got my DSi XL and I was at my grandparents house with all of my cousins. We played around on the DS and took pictures, and I still have them saved on it. The very first picture I ever took on it. It was just such a happy time for me, and I love thinking back on it.

6. Most embarrassing memory? — I threw up in front of my entire classroom in 4th grade. It was terrible. And it happened so long ago, but I still can’t get over the fact that there are people my age who saw me throw up on the floor of our classroom. Nope. Let me go hide forever LOL.

7. Where do you see yourself in five years? — I don’t really like to plan that far ahead into the future, but in five years I’d like to be moved out of my parents’ house and working on getting my book published. (I’m still working on writing it at the moment, so hopefully I’ll be done with it by then and in the process of finding it a home.)

8. Who is/has been the most influential person in your life? — I have to go with my parents on this one. But only personality-wise. I’m not interested in what my parents do for a living, but I try to model my work-ethic and values after them. I’ve obviously grown my own personal tastes, but I see more of myself in them every day and I’m very proud of that.

9. If you could time travel to the start of this year and tell yourself something what would you tell yourself? — You won’t have everything figured out yet, and that’s okay. You’ll be pressured, but take things at your own pace. There’s nothing wrong with taking time to figure things out, no matter what everyone is telling you. You’ll get to where you want to be, you just have to take your time, and set your own pace.

10. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done? — Wow, okay, this is going to sound lame. Are y’all ready? I stole a toy camera from Goodwill when I was, like, 6. I wanted it but I didn’t think my dad would let me, so I hid it in my coat pocket and never told anyone. That was literally the first thing that came to mind.. 

11. What’s your favorite thing about yourself? — I love that I don’t waver in my enjoyment of things. My sister mainly, always makes fun of me for wearing what I wear, for reading, and for listening to the kind of music that I listen to, but I’m very proud of all of those things and I don’t let it bother me. Yeah, it gets annoying when she tells me my taste in music sucks, but I will very happily listen to Two Weeks Late by Ashley Monroe at a high volume and sing along proudly. No shame. As Jessica Day so proudly states, “I break for birds! I rock a lot of polka-dots. I have touched glitter in the past twenty-four hours. I spend my entire day talking to children. And I find it fundamentally strange that you’re not a dessert person. That’s just weird and it freaks me out. And I’m sorry I don’t like Murphy Brown, and I hate your pantsuit; I wish it had ribbons on it or something to just make it slightly cuter. And that doesn’t mean I‘m not smart and tough and strong.” 

Thanks for the tag, guys! This was fun :)

[renegade-shepard-archived]

About Me

tagged by @sweet-ree thnx friendo

ill tag @queerbubbles @sheploo @thedarwini @adventure-butt @icespice @fireheartedkaratepup

Are you named after anyone?

nope

When was the last time you cried?

i honestly dont remember its been a while lol

Do you like your handwriting?

nope

What is your favorite lunch meat?

yes

Do you have kids?

i have a bull terrier she counts as about 15

If you were a different person, would you be friends with you?

no lol im shit

Do you use sarcasm?

im definitely a human being

Do you still have your tonsils?

yes

Would you bungee jump?

nope

What’s your favorite cereal?

captain crunch probs

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

ive only worn work boots for the past like 10 years and i like them nice and tight so yea

Do you think you are a strong person?

physically eh

mentally yes

What’s your favorite ice cream?

i dont like icecream rly. probably something boring like vanilla lol

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

im short

What’s your least favorite physical thing about yourself?

my throat/chin but overall dont give a shit

What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now?

no shoes. blue jeans

What are you listening to right now?

my ma cookin dinner

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

a green of some sort

Favorite smell?

christmas

Who was the last person you talked on the phone with?

my neighbor

Favorite sport to watch?

no

Hair color?

pretty dark brown with a weird patches of light brown/grey lol

Eye color?

blue

Do you wear contacts?

i would if i wasnt a cheap sonuvabitch. but glasses it is

Favorite food?

a good hearty stew/soup

Scary movie or comedy?

scary

Last movie you watched?

IT? i think?

What color shirt are you wearing?

black

Summer or Winter?

winter fo sho

Hugs or kisses?

neither pls dont fkn touch me

Book you are currently reading?

im not

Who do you miss right now?

no one

What’s on your mousepad?

a cat looking into a fishbowl

What’s the last tv program you watched?

narcos if netflix counts i havent watched tv in over a decade

What’s the best sound?

footsteps idk

Rolling Stones or The Beatles?

beatles

What’s the furthest you’ve traveled?

maine? ive lit never left new england lads and probably wont ever

Do you have a special talent?

the astounding ability of caring about absolutely nothing

Where were you born?

massachusetts

[califaro]

Tagged by @aspiratinganxiety​

Were you named after anyone?

I was named after the character Catherine Hicks played in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home...not many people pronounce it correctly. =/

When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday :3 The new Overwatch short made me sniffle something fierce.

Do you like your handwriting?

Yes

What’s your favorite lunch meat?

Thinly sliced turkey or chicken.

Do you have kids?

Only furry ones

If you were a different person, would you be friends with you?

No idea. I don’t know what kind of person I would be if I wasn’t me :3

Do you still have your tonsils?

Lost ‘em when I was eight.

Would you bungee jump?

Nope.

What’s your favorite cereal?

Honey Combs, but I don’t do cereal often.

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

It depends on the shoe, but generally...no.

Do you think you are a strong person?

Yes and funny enough, other people don’t think so. They just don’t know.

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

I don’t know. Not a huge ice cream fan.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their eyes ~ they tend to express what someone is really thinking.

Do you use sarcasm?

A good bit, but I’m trying not to as much for personal reasons.

What’s your least favorite physical thing about yourself?

The physical side-effects of PCOS. =/ 

What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now?

Gray ~ no shoes.

What are you listening to right now?

Nothing :D

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

No idea. It might sound crazy but I don’t think it’s an easy thing to answer. Woot for over-analyzing even the smallest of things!

Favorite smell?

Books or fresh ink on a new journal’s pages.

Who was the last person you talked on the phone with?

My mother, but she was distracted by “that handsome guy from that one movie with the mutant that has metal claw things.”

Favorite sport to watch?

I don’t really have any interest in sports @_@

Hair color?

Dark goldish brown? Honey brown, maybe? There’s a lot of natural blonde highlights in there.

Eye color?

Dark Brown

Do you wear contacts?

I do not, but I have worn them just to change the color of my eyes!

Favorite food?

I hate this question >_>

Scary movie or comedy?

Comedy. I prefer laughing than being absolutely bored out of my mind with a scary movie.

Last movie you watched?

The Witches of Eastwick for Halloween :3

What color shirt are you wearing?

Gray-green

Summer or winter?

Winter! I grew up in a place that didn’t really have a winter, but living on the opposite side of the country and experiencing a proper winter made me adore it so much. Gimme all dat snow!

Hugs or kisses?

Kisses. I was that friend that gave kisses to all of my friends. We were a close bunch back then.

Book you’re currently reading?

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon ~ I told myself I would finish the series and well, I never did, so I’m starting over :)

Who do you miss right now?

I miss a small group of friends from my teenage years. We all went our separate ways after a traumatic event.

What’s on your mouse pad?

Illidan Stormrage from World of Warcraft 

What’s the last TV program you watched?

The Orville

What’s the best sound?

Hands down, rain!

Rolling Stones or The Beatles?

Why not both?

What’s the furthest you ever traveled?

From midpoint Michigan to southern Louisiana (19 hours shortest time, 23 longest thanks to a traffic jam outside of Chicago, Illinois)

Do you have a special talent?

I guess it depends on what a special talent is! I’d like to think it’s my ability to pick up languages quite easily ~ especially when it comes to writing them. @_@ I can read and write nearly all of the Tolkien languages. Why? I don’t even know. I thought it would be cool.

Where were you born?

I was born thirty minutes north of my hometown in Louisiana. :) I spoke Cajun French until I was four and to this day, I over analyze everything I pronounce. =/ I mean, it’s been many years of speaking English and people still make me feel bad for having an accent.

Tagging: Anyone that wants to participate. I’d be willing to tag people if I weren’t afraid of invading their comfort zone with such questions :3

[littlebassoonist]

lacewoodshipping - oh the places we’ll go

Kanto is not my favorite region. In fact, it might be my least favorite. However, it is the region I am currently playing through and making the most headcanons for, so let’s pretend I like Kanto and get on with it.

i. Lumiose

Kanto is Serena’s home—Viridian, to be exact—but she has always felt a bit out of place. She lives in a quaint home with her parents in Viridian, takes classes at Kanto’s most renowned trainers’ school, and idolizes Professor Samuel Oak. But she never gets around to having a pokémon of her own, despite her dreams of hiking to Pallet Town and requesting a Charmander. She is too caught up in school and doesn’t feel ready, and then she’s sixteen, and then they’re moving across the globe to Kalos.

Kalos feels more like home than anywhere else, as it very well should; Serena helps dismantle Team Flare, befriends legendary pokémon, and becomes the region’s Champion. It doesn’t hurt that the friends she makes in Kalos mean more than her classmates back in Kanto ever did. Then there’s the matter of her heart irrevocably belonging to a certain Kalosian professor…

It takes many years before she goes back to Kanto. In the meantime, steps down as Champion to let Diantha take the job, she gets a degree, works with the brightest minds in the field of pokémon evolution, dates and loves and marries the aforementioned Kalosian professor. Three years into their marriage, when it has been nearly a decade since Serena has seen her hometown, the pair plan a trip to visit Samuel Oak. They need to visit Pallet to give Oak live examples of mega evolution when Augustine realizes that he has never visited his Serena’s home region.

“Show me around Kanto, Serena,” he says while they discuss airline tickets and hotels. “We have not taken much of a vacation since our honeymoon.”

Serena frowns. “Kanto is a bit bland once you’ve seen Kalos.”

“It cannot possibly be bland with you in it.” She lightly smacks his arm for being so cheesy. “What? I only speak the truth.”

“Alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

 ii. Pallet

Augustine and Serena leave the Pallet Research Facility hand in hand. She’s a bit exhausted from repeatedly demonstrating her mega evolutions, but she knows Oak needs as much data as he can get. She wishes for a moment that she could show this to her younger self, the girl who thought each word from Oak’s mouth was gospel and that she could grow up to be, at best, one of his aides. She wonders briefly if she should thank Oak for creating the pokédex, as it was one of the founding pillars of her relationship with Augustine.

“The only other place of interest in Pallet is right down the road,” Serena says. “You can tell because there’s usually at least one paparazzi, plus people taking selfies in front of it.”

“It looks like a house to me,” Augustine replies, but she knows from his voice that he’s just trying to get her to talk more about her homeland.

“Red and Blue, pretty much the most famous trainers to come from Kanto ever, were neighbors growing up. Blue still runs the Viridian gym, and Red tends to make himself scarce, but fans still hope they might catch them coming or going. It’s silly, but it was also the sort of thing you dared your girlfriends to do. Go to Pallet, take a selfie, bonus points if it included Red or Blue or Daisy or even the Professor.”

Augustine puts on a face of mock shock. “You, mon ange, were a fangirl? I don’t believe it.”

“I was like fifteen! Give me a break.”

“Well, it seems to me that we have no choice but to do as the Kantans do and take a selfie of our own.” He leads her closer to the pair of houses.

“No, no, no, no, no—”

“What could possibly be the matter, Serena?” He stops dragging her down the block so that they are a comfortable distance from Red’s house. “It’s just a picture.”

“I never told anyone this, but…” Serena looks around shiftily, as though Red or Blue might burst from the shrubbery.

“What is it, mon amour?”

“IwantedtobelikeChampionRed,” she gushes. “It wasn’t even a crush, well, it was, but it wasn’t. I wanted to be him and be so in tune with my pokémon that I would barely need to speak in battle. And I loved that he had the respect of Professor Oak.” She can’t quite pinpoint why she is so ashamed of her childhood idol except that it all seems so foolish now. How could she have been so silly?

Augustine smiles and brings his wife into an embrace. “You are everything Champion Red is and more. You are a Champion and an expert trainer and have the respect  of everyone who meets you. In fact, Oak does not just respect. He needs you. That is why we are here, non?”

She thanks him with a kiss. “As usual, you’re right.”

“Come.” He once again pulls her towards the famous houses. “We will take a picture. Red could only wish that he could be so lucky as to have a picture taken with Champion Serena, hero of Kalos.”

The selfie they take soon becomes the lock screen on her phone and receives droves of likes on social media. Augustine insists that if you zoom in on one of the windows, you can see a red cap.

 iii. Viridian

“Here it is, my hometown,” Serena says, gesturing to the heart of Viridian City. They are walking from their hotel to the Trainers’ School. Upon learning that one of their own alumnae is returning to Kanto, the schoolmaster requests that Serena and her husband give a guest lecture on a subject of their choice. Serena thinks to herself that they make quite a dashing pair in their professional garb and makes a mental note to remind Augustine later of just how good he looks with a lab coat on (or with it thrown on the floor, as the case may be).

“The rhyhorn races are to the west, non?” He looks so wide-eyed and awestruck, taking in the city: the smell and colors of the floral arrangements that hang from every lamppost, the block that has no fewer than seven different restaurants that specialize in pidgey meat, the graffiti mural of a massive tentacruel, the ever-present silhouette of Blue’s gym in the distance.

“Yeah. Between here and Victory Road. They won’t be racing today, since it’s Tuesday, but we could watch some jockeys practice.”

“I would like that very much,” he says.

When they are just a block from the school, nostalgia washes over her. She remembers the coffee shop across the street and how it had pastries shaped like stylized fearow, the nearby meowth shelter they went to for service hours, the smell of the pavement after the rain. Then all that she knows is this bittersweet longing for the past and the urgent need to share it with someone she loves, and she finally gets it, why he wants her to take him around Kanto the way he has shown her Kalos because for once in their relationship, they are in her world and not his.

“Or maybe we can explore the city,” Serena suggests. “I know where to get good food, and I have a couple of places I’d like to visit. There’s always more rhyhorn races.”

Augustine sees the look in her eyes, the look that means she’s making plans and has some specifics in mind. He wants to be surprised.

“I know we said you’d take the lead on the lecture,” she says, “but I think I want to open. Before we blow their minds with the science of a trainer’s first mega evolution, I want to address the students not as a teacher, but as an alumna.”

“What about?”

“Beginnings.”

 iv. Pewter

Serena can’t remember much about her long-ago field trips to the Pewter Museum of Science, but she is fairly certain that it was about fifty times more boring a decade ago. She and Augustine can easily spend the whole day just on one floor. There are the parts she remembers—the life-sized model of an aerodactyl skeleton, the fossils, the aquarium of newly-hatched omanyte—and there are things she never would have dreamed of seeing.

Cinnabar Labs has partnered with Pewter to explain the science behind extracting DNA from fossils. There’s a touch tank with some adolescent kabuto like the ones at Ambrette, except this one has dinosaurs and not just huntail and gorebyss. An entire wing is made up to look like the caverns and craters of Mount Moon to show how paleontologists work, complete with a mock dig for children. There’s a new section featuring international fossil finds, and the information on aurorus actually teaches her some new things. To Serena’s surprise, many of these efforts are helmed by none other than Brock.

That doesn’t even address the second floor, the extraterrestrial exhibits on the cleffa family and deoxys and moon stone evolutions and staryu and lunatone and—

Serena and Augustine quickly agree that they would do best to split up and look at different exhibits. Over dinner, she hangs on his every word while he animatedly describes the latest research into moon stones. When they order dessert, it’s her turn to explain the fossil resurrection process. In their hotel bed that night, they’re still swapping facts.

“They’ve found that staryu naturally gather in the shapes of known constellations,” he says into her hair, lazily tracing Orion on her naked back.

“Oh?”

“The staryu might be mirroring sky. They’re still looking into region and time of year, which constellations are visible when…” He trails off, distracted by the gentle kisses she leaves on his bare chest. They might be in the shape of Aquila.

“That’s still pretty amazing,” she says between kisses.

Much later, when they have kissed entire star charts out of each other’s freckles and scars, they promise to never ever stop learning.

 v. Cerulean

They ride his charizard over Mount Moon National Park and appreciate the view from above. Craters seem to burst from ground, and Serena is fairly sure she spots a ring of grass in a perfect circle, a clefairy ring worn down by repeated use. And when they reach Cerluean, the change from rugged nature to amphibious cityscape surprises them both. The river wraps around the city with serpentine grace, almost coming full circle before heading east to the Cape. Canals run in even lines, a safeguard for flooding and a visual spectacle with goldeen and magikarp darting through like strokes of white and orange paint.

But Serena isn’t focused on Cerulean, per say. She’s more interested in them visiting the nearby Cerulean Cape State Park. In typical Kantan media, every happily ever after, every sappy romance includes a trip to Cerulean Cape. Boy meets girl, girl rejects boy, boy and girl fall desperately in love, boy takes girl to the Cape and professes his undying passion. It’s not without reason; the Cape is surrounded by the river to the south and the sea to the east. To the north, a stunning waterfall pours from a sharp cliff, making a small bay. Serena likens it to Lumiose Tower in that it’s a universal icon for Grand Romantic Gestures.

Grand Romantic Gestures are his area of expertise, not hers.

It shouldn’t surprise her, then, when they hike to the edge of the Cape at night. The moon leeches the world of all color, leaving them in a black-and-white dreamscape with the steady waves beating against the shore and the rushing waterfall in the background. It’s too beautiful to be real. This moment deserves to be on film and at the end of a period romance, not in her life—and Augustine is down on one knee.

“Serena, you are the most beautiful woman I know. You are brilliant in more ways than I can say. You bring joy and life and compassion wherever you are, and I do not want to ever be away from that. I want to learn with you for the rest of my life.

“Ma belle, ma vivaldaim, mon amour… veux-tu m’éspouser?”

She has heard that phrase before, and each time it manages to send her pulse racing. Everything is kissing and “oui, oui, oui” and experiencing the Cape with no company besides the waterfall.

It’s not the first time he has done this, and she suspects and hopes and knows it won’t be the last.

(yes, i have plans to continue, but i’m tired)

[tallsamjones-blog]

David

I woke up to Chinese water torture. Condensation was accumulating on the inside of my tiny tent and little drops of water fell on the bridge of my nose, one after another. Deep breath. Opening my eyes, the gray nylon was illuminated and long shadows were cast from the low winter sun, barely risen over the horizon. It was Friday. My favorite class was meeting today at 10:30 and it took a good 40 minutes to walk there. I had lost progress after having worn shoes for only about a week in Washington and Oregon so I still had trouble with the gravel path that ran along the lagoon.

I climbed out of my tent and dug around in my big pack. I pulled out my notebooks and a pack of instant oatmeal. Standing to watch the gulls and the runners at the edge of the sea cliffs, I ate the oatmeal raw and thought about my dad. His name was David, just like his dad. They called me Samuel David when I was born. At this point I hadn’t made it back home yet, hadn’t asked my widowed grandma for grandpa Dave’s leather-bound bible. I had yet to read about how David got lucky with a slingshot and then proceeded to lose his mind and write Psalms about pain and fire and death. I had the luck part down, at least.

Don’t believe me?

I found a pair of glasses on the ground, just lying in the dirt. Black, rectangular frames with both lenses scratched but still intact. They fit my prescription, so I wore them. I picked a yellow flower and rolled my black jeans up to my knees as I walked down to the music building. I missed World Music with Professor Novak by about five minutes. I could have probably walked in late but I looked like a goon with the flower in my hair and the pine cone hanging around my neck on a string and all. Plus I wasn’t technically signed up for the class or enrolled in the University and I was camping illegally on an area of campus that was reserved for indigenous wildlife. I took it all in stride and went to check the cans by the library instead.

After a couple of half-eaten sandwiches and probably some chips or something, I made for my recently-discovered happy hippie hole down in IV, a communal living project called The Faux Op. This was off-campus, hidden behind a bunch of more recent apartments and only accessible via a crooked driveway with a secrete entrance on Abrego Road. 

Things were relatively quiet when I got there. Everyone except for a few of the heavier mid-week drinkers had gotten up and had breakfast before going to work or school or whatever else. I still wasn’t familiar with all twenty-something people who lived there, so I took the opportunity to slink unnoticed past the mirrors and paintings and couches of the “outdoor living room” and sniff around downstairs. 

I walked into a cloud of thick, sweet-smelling white smoke. I followed the hazy trail, feeling crumbs and weird sticky stuff on the tired shag carpet with my feet. The vapor trail led to Sam and Stef’s room which they shared with two parakeets and a guy who was still asleep in his bed at the far end of the room. Sam had been talking animatedly about how the house was falling apart. Some shenanigans with the chore system and somebody wasn’t doing their dishes. I caught a glimpse of Stef putting on her most patient face before she noticed me looming in the doorway.

“Tall Sam Jones! You’re back!” She jumped up in exclamation and she and Sam both charged me and hugged around my torso. “Well hey you two!” I retreated back against the opposite wall, we all now stood in the vape-filled hallway. “Glad to see someone’s still around.” 

“Fuck yeah we’re still around!” Sam replied, stepping back and gesturing with his vape rig as he spoke. “We were just about to get dabbed out for the day. You wanna smoke some wax with us?”

I raised my eyebrows “Duuuude thanks for the offer, that sounds queso. I’m chillin’ on it though, I was actually wondering ... Stef, you said something about tripping later this weekend?”

“Uhh, yeah! We’re doing it today!” 

“Aww no way? Did I totally guess right then?”

“Mm-hmm” She nodded her head. I saw Sam get kind of distracted standing behind her. She wore her dark hair in a long braid that ran way down her back. “We’re gonna eat them and then go dance at this David Bowie party that our friend Claire told us about.” I asked about the party with the only piece of information I had relating to the late great rock star: “Woah, didn’t he just die?” Sam cut in while exhaling another dragon blast of candy smoke. “Yeah, it was just gonna be, like, a ‘funk party’ at first but I think they’re making it a tribute thing now.”

“Hey, maybe I can go play my sax there!”

“Oh! Is it at your camp?” Stef perked up a bit. “Maybe we can eat the mushrooms here and you can take us to go see your spot and grab your Saxophone and then if we feel like it we can go dance!”

That’s exactly what ended up happening, which was kind of a strange shift for me. I had been used to hitch hiking and just bumping around solo without much of a plan besides “meditate, be kind, and play music.” Now that I was latching on to my friends, I just followed the easy rhythm that they liked to lay out in front and then follow. We ate a couple of stems and caps each in the late afternoon and walked parallel to the beach on Del Playa Drive under a warbly, deep-red sunset. We had to go by the stars by the time we made it to the big field where my campsite was hidden. Somehow that method of navigation seemed easier as the Psilocybin kicked in. 

I think that seeing the place I had been living helped my new friends believe that I was for real. We sat on sandy soil in the little clearing I had made, fenced in by a natural-looking barrier of sticks and living bushes. It was all talking and laughing and feeling the sea breeze bring a chill across the mesa. The day before I had found the skull of a red fox half buried in the grass. I named him as my new pet “Smilin’ Tom Fox” as he still had some skin and whiskers and teeth on one side of his jaw that kind of pulled into a zombified grin. We buried the longest-stemmed mushroom in the sand there beside Smilin’ Tom as a “thank-you” offering to the earth. When we all felt good and it was time to go, I pulled my Soprano Saxophone and my trusty black suit jacket out of my tent. 

The stress and nervous calm-before-the-storm energy that Isla Vista had on Friday afternoon was replaced by the welcome-to-the-jungle energy of Friday night. The three of us strolled in the middle of the street among groups of giddy guys in button-ups and fierce packs of prowling high-heel miniskirt jungle cats. I remember some drama with trying to trying to persuade another group of people to come with us. With my musician’s jacket on and my horn case in my hand, pretty much all I was thinking about was “get to the funk party.” The others would end up there with us or else they’d be missing out. Stef came to the same conclusion and we continued. Music on all sides. Synchronized reactions to beer pong games cheering out over the music. Four houses on four corners all blasting different beats. It was an easy place to get lost. Luckily, I had two sentient street guides. I wouldn’t have needed one by the sound of the place. 

We entered the back yard to the fade-in intro from the Bee Gees’ “Stayin’ Alive.” At this point I became a barefoot funk monster who couldn’t stop dancing. I was instantly locked in. The party was a living and I could feel it breathing. I let instinct take over. There were floodlights illuminating a patch of grass with maybe 60 people dancing and milling around. There was a small garage with a cheap plastic table pushed against it. I ran around to the other side of the garage and threw my saxophone on the roof. Then I wedged my bare feet between two palm trees and scampered up there. The slanted A-frame gave me a minute to collect myself as I pulled the Soprano out of her case. I looked up toward the sky and saw Orion. The night was in my hands.

Lived up on that roof for a good three hours. I danced like the Pied Piper and ripped through some kind of jazz I don’t think anyone there had heard before, least of all me. I watched the size of the crowd double and then double again. Eventually people made it up on to the roof to give me cold cans of “jazz juice” and to smoke spliffs during square tunes. The night ended with “All-Star” by Smashmouth, which, in my mind, is the undisputed end-all anthem of my exact generation. Actually, the night tried to end there, with some help from the Sheriff's Department, but then somebody yelled “FREEBIRD!!!” and let me tell you, whoever was playing DJ that night, they were on it. 

I hopped down from the roof and joined in a mosh pit for that last one. I don’t know if we even played any David Bowie that night. It was mostly Ray Charles and Average White Band. I do know that he was smiling down on us that night though. He was talking me through it. 

I don’t know what much of this means. I wasn’t concerned with analyzing anything in the moment. I just went with what felt right. That’s what I’m still trying to do now. 

Pray for world peace.

[shoutmi]

✖   I. EMOTIONS / FEELINGS.

01. Altschmerz: ( n. weariness with the same old issues that you’ve always had—the same boring flaws and worries you’ve been gnawing on for years, which leaves them soggy and tasteless and inert, with nothing interesting left to think about, nothing left to do but spit them out and wander off to the backyard, ready to dig up some fresher pain you might have buried long ago.)

02. Exulansis: ( n. the tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it—whether through envy or pity or simple foreignness—which allows it to drift away from the rest of your life story, until the memory itself feels out of place, almost mythical, wandering restlessly in the fog, no longer even looking for a place to land.)

03. Trepidation: ( n. a feeling of FEAR or anxiety about something that may happen. nervousness, an innate emotion that you’ve had ever since you were a child— trauma-born. it keeps you moving, it keeps you alive. you are a wild animal that can feel no less.)

04. Yearning: ( n. a feeling of intense longing for something. for someone. for some place to be. unquenchable desire that sits by your bedside until you’re able to satiate your unease by finally getting what you want. you want to belong; you want to love. lust is entwined around your beating heart.)

05. Melancholy: ( n. a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause. you’re not alone, yet you feel alone. why is that?)

✖   II. GREETINGS.

01. A firm nod of the head for strangers, usually accompanied by a subtle smile. 02. Handshakes for newer acquaintances, strong yet punctuated by a grin. 03. Hugging or the holding of the other’s hand while sentiments of pleasure at the meeting are exchanged; reserved for friends. 04. Perhaps a kiss to one cheek or both if the person is of special importance or closeness(and he’s aware that it won’t lead to discomfort ). 05. Warm waving and exciting exclamation of a friend’s name if spotted from afar.

✖  III. COLORS.

01. Gold ( Magic, Illumination, Fire, Treasure, Status ) 02. Red ( Endurance, Rage, Adventure, Violence, Blood, Desire ) 03. White ( Light, Softness, Beginnings, Sanctuary, Holy Matrimony ) 04. Green ( Renewal, Growth, Mother Nature, Greed  ) 05. Blue ( Ocean Waters, Night sky, Trust, Sorrow, Loyalty, Depth  )

✖   IV. SCENTS.

01. Vanilla. Io isn’t terribly efficient with cooking or baking, but he’s attempting to learn. He loves the taste of vanilla, so he’s likely to smell like it on certain days. 02. Peppermint from the shampoo he uses. It utilizes natural peppermint extracts, and the scent lingers on his hair. 03. Lavender, after he drinks tea before bed. His favorite blend smells strongly of it and soothes anxiety. 04. Charcoal, predominantly on his hands after drawing with charcoal pencils. He often forgets to wash it off for a bit and may streak it on his clothes or skin. 05. New paper from notebooks is one of his favorite scents, and it tends to follow him thanks to the sheer amount of sktech pads and paper he tends to have with him most of the time.

✖   VI. OBJECTS.

01. Treasure Chest. A personal one for her own usage— near the place where she slumbers on the ship. True to her stereotypical nature as both a pirate and a dragon; Shou is an avid collector of various materialistic objects, so long as they meet the requirement of being shiny and beautiful. From valuable gems to useless scraps of tin foil, she stores them all inside her iron chest so that no one may trifle with them, including her crew mates. Her hoard is significant to her, in the sense that it not only acts as a memory log for her journey out at sea, but also soothes her negative mood when she seeks to play with the trinkets to quell her anxiety. 02. Silk Hanfu (traditional Chinese dress) and Fengguan (traditional headgear for noblewomen and brides). Growing up in Deepwyn, a Hanfu was what Shou frequently wore on most days as the royal daughter of the clan. Elegant and flowing with breathtaking colors; it was never a hassle to be dolled up in her family’s traditional robes, more so a treat for the little girl she had been back then. However, the luxury of donning a Fengguan was only granted to her once, while being taught the official wedding ritual by her elders, for it was mainly grown women who wore the headdresses as a sign of status. The crown was divine— forged with gold, jewels and flowers, and she secretly longed for the day when she got to have it again. Perhaps, even more importantly, it gifted her a rare, fleeting moment of experiencing what it felt like to be an insider.    03. Sake Cup. More so the symbolism of several; clinking in joyous harmony and solidarity over the unbreakable promise of becoming siblings.   04. Warm Jacket. Or a thick coat. Weak to the cold, it’s vital for the reptilian pirate to keep one handy at all times should they happen to encounter frigid temperatures. Nevertheless, nothing quite beats the comforting sensation of the sun’s torrid rays upon bare skin. 05. Wolf Tooth. On a woven string, worn as a necklace and received later on in life. Not from a literal wolf. It’s actually the baby tooth of her biological half-brother Sasha as a parting gift. Canine of the Black Shuck, a good luck charm. Irreplaceable token.  

✖   VII. VICES / BAD HABITS.

01. Bad time management. While he’s rarely late for meetings or the like, he has a bad habit of focusing in on one or two things at a time and forgetting the big picture. As a result, he often finds himself overworked during semesters with many projects in university or failing to finish particular tasks he had set for himself (which lead to frustration with himself, etc). 02. Overly critical. This applies primarily to himself, although he can sometimes expect a lot of other people, too. When someone doesn’t give their all to something he feels they should care about, he feels conflicted and will often bring it to their attention, whether his opinion has been asked for or not. 03. Rambling. He talks a lot, and doesn’t always understand when he should stop. This can sometimes lead to him embarrassing himself, or annoying the people around him. 04. Spacing out. With a tendency to become lost in his own thoughts, he can have trouble remaining grounded in reality. He might be in the middle of a class and completely lose the train of discussion. Although he stays fairly attuned to conversations or when others are around, this habit does lead him to jump to specific topics, ideas, or activities that seem to come out of nowhere. 05. Martyr complex. During his brother’s illness, he was expected to be “the good son:” supporting his parents and brother’s girlfriend, not causing anyone to worry about him. This lead to him keeping all of his negative emotions tucked away for the sake of not burdening the people he cares about, even to his own detriment. He doesn’t expect this of anyone else (quite the opposite) and prefers to let everyone think he’s usually satisfied with life in general while being their shoulder to cry on.

✖   VIII. BODY LANGUAGE.

01. Tilting his head when curious. 02. His gaze drifting up the the ceiling or the sky mid-conversation if he’s attempting to gather his thoughts. 03. Biting his bottom lip when frustrated or embarrassed. 04. Chin resting in the palm of his hand, especially if listening or thinking intently. 05. Leaning forward when excited or full of anticipation.

✖   IX. AESTHETICS.

01.  Paintings on canvas with muted colors of someone without a distinguishable face. 02. Herbal tea early in the morning or right before bed, the steam curling upwards from the rim of its china cup as it cools. 03. Lake water lapping at a grassy bank as the setting sun reflects on the rippling surface, a myriad of reds and golds. 04. Books placed carefully on a dark mahogany shelf, alphabetized by the title embossed on the spine in curling script. 05. Two hands, palms pressed together, with their fingers intertwined in a tight squeeze.

✖   X. SONGS.

01. Barren by Nicole Dollanganger :

“ — curdled like milk in the summer heat, my skin’s gone soft, my head is spoiled, my heart’s a rabid dog trying to put its teeth in you, you thought you saw light but it was forest fires eating me alive, my limbs are dead and dry, my ribcage cradles dirt and weeds, i’m empty inside.”

02. Keep The Streets Empty For Me by Fever Ray :

” — i’m laying down, eating snow my fur is hot, my tongue is cold on a bed of spider web i think of how to change myself

a lot of hope in a one man tent there’s no room for innocence so take me home before the storm, velvet mites will keep us warm ”

03. Atlas Hands by Benjamin Francis Leftwich :

” — take me to the docks, there’s a ship without a name there and it is sailing to the middle of the sea the water there is deeper than anything you’ve ever seen jump right in and swim until you’re free.”

04. Sister by The Japanese House :

” — fist in a botch my arms as they haul away from your body away from your skin you see, that’s my twin she’s standing aside and she’s my next of kin if only you knew what resided within i won’t let her in that would be callous and crass a chip on my chin you didn’t want me back stark in the dirt; can you tell that she’s hurt? so sharp and alert, she’s such a clean breath.”

05. Wolf by Skott :

“ — i’m a wolf howling in the moonlight, calling out like a fool howling On your doorstep, calling out

i hate that everything’s different my clothes, my haircut is different but still I’m feeling the same what is eternal about love? if there’s a way to turn it off you know, so show me the way.”