#my gpa fucking tanked bc of this class

[dorkylittleweirdo]

me about to email my professor for the third time this week despite class being over

[intertexts]

ive OFFICIALLY fallen victim to worm completely . I fucking fell asleep WHILE READING IT last night. Just woke up it is 3am DIDNT plug my phone in, tab STILL OPEN, bedside table lamp STILL ON. head in hands. I have still not finished the leviathan fight. WELL. MAYBE I HAVE IDK. SCION SHOWED UP and taylor is in the makeshift hospital and they're arresting her bc shes a villain (fucked up btw! her back is fuckjng broken!) you were so right dude everyone point and laugh this guy cannot escape the worm fugue . i am going back to bed now

BRO THOUGHT HE COULD ESCAPE THE WORM FUGUE!!!!!!! this is so funny im so sorry. this is such an evocative image ur describing. combined with the 4am timestamps of ur other lb posts. if it helps, i fucking tanked my gpa my first semester of freshman year of college because i started worm and could not Fucking put it down. was reading worm in class. was reading worm walking to class. was reading worm until 3am getting four hours of sleep and then reading worm some more. reading worm in mass and in the car and instead of doing any homework. (& also during the interludes of time when i wasn't reading worm i was frenziedly posting snowchester cbee. so.) genuinely black holed my life i barely even talked to my three housemates for the first couple months. so. you're doing better than me!!!!!! but YEAH!!! FUCKED UP!!!!!!!!!!!! i fucking love the leviathan fight it's such a huge game changer. insane. i love you taylor hebert....

[pepprs]

ok besties that live in my phone are we thinking i withdraw from the semester entirely or just drop a class or two bcccccc 🙈💕

[sakkac]

whenever i write for most of my online classes i feel like a fucking clown performing. i cant grasp whatever we’re reading half the time bc it’s so white and convoluted, and i have to reread those lines two or three times. plus i dont know SHIT abt christianity so all these little subtle nods to it completely go over my head. like just say this man is repressing his horniness and wants god to top him and go. professor, u wanna see me dissect this dead cishet white man? i’ll murder him 

[assholemurphy]

i’m failing 3 out of 4 classes this semester. fuck. i can’t be honest with my mom or i’ll get screamed at/guilt tripped and i can’t deal with that right now. i also can’t tell her i’m changing my major or i’ll get guilt tripped. i basically can’t speak to my mother at all during winter break. this is gonna be fun.

[toothlesshat]

I purposefully sabotaged my chances into getting into a recommended class past the enrollment period bc I know that shit would’ve tanked my gpa so bad and I’d fuck up my chances to keep this scholarship but now I gotta come to my really nice advisor like a two faced bitch like

[1million]

i cant decide if i want to drop this class bc i only have like one thing turned in out of 5 major projects and a shit ton of mini things .... but if i drop it i fall below full time and lose my scholarship ... but if i stay i will absolutely fail and my gpa will continue to tank which ALSO could lead me to losing my scholarship in the future <3 i truly do hate it here <3 for fucking real i feel like i’m going insane why do no academic institutions give even half a shit about their students <3

[aiden-png]

I have no one to vent to about health junk so I’m just gonna scream under the cut

‘hell yeah I’m gonna get two coffees today and get all my work done and it’s gonna be great bc I stayed up til 2am last night due to my job and have class until 9:30pm or later tonight so I gotta stay energized’ *drinks half of second coffee, which admittedly has 2 shots of espresso or more in it* heart: haha, so you choose death then?

I hate it I hate alskddfskjl I know I already wrote a vent fic about AFib but it didn’t work bc it just keeps happening and getting worse. it feels like I’m suffocating like I just can’t breathe bc something’s not right but I literally can’t do anything about it. my chest will just get tighter and tighter until my heart finally starts skipping beats or stopping and it makes me feel so faint. but I’m just sitting doing nothing whenever it happens, I’m not even. walking. standing. I’m just. and it’s always been like that!! I don’t understand and I hate it, I hate that doctors don’t believe me and I can’t afford an EKG or heart monitor. AFib runs in my family, so do other heart problems. my uncle died in his 40s of a sudden AFib attack. this was in January 2020. I panic that I’m going to die too. but I can’t afford the tests, I probably can’t even afford medication. idk what I’m going to do. it’s hard enough to get to the drs appointments I already have for T and post-op stuff. I can’t afford another surgery and I know I need 2 but I’m trying to ignore that until I can’t walk anymore, so I’ve got a few more months hopefully.

people keep nagging me about my eating problems too. I can’t. idk if that’s why my heart is fucking up rn. I know I’m underweight but I can’t do anything about it. I ate lunch yesterday and got annoyed w myself for wasting an hour to eat, and I didn’t even eat a meal I just got fries and hung out w a friend. she told me I have an eating disorder and I can’t accept that bc I don’t have time for more health problems, I really don’t. I’m eating enough that I don’t feel faint, that I have energy, that my thoughts are running as fast as they need to be. none of my clothes fit anymore. I’m eating high calorie foods every chance I get to try to gain back what I lost a few weeks ago but gaining weight has always been hard for me. I didn’t really eat for 5 days and I figured it would be fine bc my body would go into starvation mode like always and I’d gain weight when I stopped feeling sick, but I was wrong. I don’t want to be underweight or thin or anything, I like being soft. I liked my curves even, though T got rid of those a while ago. I’m trying not to look at myself in the mirror anymore bc I can see my ribs and my hips, and my prof keeps showing us images of ppl w anorexia so we can see how skin covers bone for figure drawing. I don’t like seeing myself that way.

maybe if I have a heart attack or I faint and get hospitalized I can finally catch a break. I’ll be stressing to no end while I’m forced into bedrest, but at least I’ll have a reason to take a break. I’ll be marked absent for all my classes and my GPA will tank bc they don’t give a shit about students here but at least I’ll have the excuse I need to be selfish for a while. I hate that venting isn’t helping right now, but ofc it won’t help when my back hurts and I can’t tell if it’s from stress or my heart. I just have a feeling that if I wear a heart monitor and do the tests they’ll come back negative like the time I got an EEG for my seizures. I will have seizures for the foreseeable future now, bc there is no easy way to fix stress-related health problems other than lessening stress levels.

which I can’t do.

and if they tell me hey, you don’t have heart problems and the only reason you think you do is bc you’re stressed and it’s manifesting physically again.. but here’s a massive bill anyway, fuck you... I can’t handle that. I can’t afford it. maybe I can convince my mom to take me for an EKG when I go on break for the winter. she won’t pay but at least I’ll have free time to get the tests done. I can’t even ask a relative what their heart condition feels like, bc they’ve all died at this point. I’ve always thought I’d die young, but from liver failure or something, not a heart attack.

I can’t afford this. I need to be healthy and fine. I have too much going on in my life to worry about my health.

[lcmontagne]

(CHARLIE GILLESPIE, MALE) - Have you seen JAMESON LAMONTAGNE? JAMIE is in JUNIOR YEAR year. The HEALTH & PHYS ED MAJOR is/are 21 years old & is a CAPRICORN. People say HE is/are CHARMING, OUTGOING, DIMWITTED and GULLIBLE. Rumors say they’re a member of KINCAID. I heard from the gossip blog that THEY WERE BLACKMAILED INTO RELATIONS BY THE COACH’S DAUGHTER TO KEEP HIS SPOT ON THE BASEBALL TEAM. 

this is my newest (old) baby, Jamie! a summary is Himbo Rights, basically.

STATISTICS

name : Jameson Elias LaMontagne

nicknames: Jamie, JJ, James

age : twenty-one

school year : Junior

major : phys ed & health education

date of birth : dec 25th

zodiac sign : capricorn

sexuality : pansexual

+ traits : charming, outgoing, kind,

- traits : gullible, , dimwitted, stubborn

PERSONALITY:

he’s a straight up himbo, but a himbo with a heart of gold. Funny dude, loves to joke around and make those around him laugh. Will beat up frat guys who try to take home wasted girls, will also pass out at the same party huggin a pillow he found in an upstairs bedroom. 

loves hobbies, especially cooking!! his dad owns a family restaurant down near bourbon street, so he’s picked up on quite a few family recipes. A stress cooker, loves 2 feed people.

thinks being in kincaid is chill as hell, it means fun parties and plenty of people to meet. Doesnt really buy into societies?? like he doesnt get why some are so prestigious, assumes theyre all the same. 100% accepted the invite because his buddy was invited too and he didn’t wanna miss him.

He knows damn well he’s not the brightest, doesn’t pretend to be. But he loves when people are passionate about things they love, even if its academics. Talk his ear off for an hour about shakespeare or russian lit, he won’t complain. He’ll smile and follow along, even if half goes above his head.

he feels everything, whether its extreme highs or extreme lows. He doesnt let many people see the lows, still hasn’t brought himself to ask for help about it. His dad just said he’s got a big heart, too big for the fucked up world they live in. Jamie doesn’t like to think about more than that.

can be a but of a dick on the defense if you openly imply he’s a moron though, it’s a sore spot at such a high stakes school

a little ?? about the death and drama. Does now carry pepper spray that he’s almost certain is expired.

DETAILS

tw: mentions of injury, car accidents

He is very pretty, & very nice. That’s about all we got goin’.

Born the only child of Kelly & Daniel LaMontagne, result of a drunken hookup between friends & cause of a shotgun wedding to follow. Born on christmas day at 2am, his mom called him the best gift they’d ever gotten. (his dad joked about losing the gift receipt. its a thing)

They were married until he was 4, & then decided they truly just made better friends. amicable divorce, no lingering trauma. 

Dad moved back to New Orleans, mom moved up to Rhode Island, he spent his time growing up bouncing between the two, but spent a lot of the time including the school year in New Orleans, due to his mom being a surgeon and his dad being able to devote more time and waking hours to their son.

repeated kindergarten, got diagnosed with ADD pretty young.

his dad thought he needed an outlet for his energy, so after school clubs and sports became the Thing. Soccer, karate, gymnastics, he tried it all, but nothing ever stuck before baseball.

The boy fell in love, ate slept and breathed it. Was actually really damn good too, and played all through middle and high school in hopes of playing major league. 

His junior year of high school he and his best friend were driving home from a late practice when a driver fell asleep at the wheel, and veered head on into their lane. Jamie woke up with a broken collarbone and a concussion. Tyler woke up paralyzed from the waist down. He was out for the rest of the season, and the guilt he has about Tyler he still carries with him to this day. ( they face time still, though less these days. He thinks it hurts ty, to see him here.)

Senior year he was back, but behind. & slowly lost any chance at getting majorly scouted for D1 colleges. So he did his best, even if it wasn’t ever quite enough.

Yates was solely due to a very large donation made by his mother to the medical program at school, hoping her son would take being on campus as a chance to branch out, explore other programs and passions.

Joke is on her, he enrolled as a goddamn phys ed major and spends most of his non class times on the field or gym. He’s determined to make it count, and do what he feels he was Born To Do. 

His grades majorly tanked the end of last semester, and he fell just under the GPA he needed to remain on the team. Desperate to remain, he gave in to the offer of going on a date with the coach’s daughter in exchange for her talking to her dad about remaining on the team.

Joke’s on him now, because she definitely expected more than just dinner, and every few months she dangles his fate in her hands and he’s forced to give in all over again. Not proud of it, but he’s resigned and accepted that fate.

loves people!! & activities and life most of the time. A sweet dude who gives solid hugs. & that’s where i’ll leave this.

his WANTED CONNECTIONS can be found clicking anywhere here! pls holla @ me or let me @ u bc he needs it all.

[samscns-blog]

      *    𝖎𝖋   ur  ready  to  two  step  into  some  absolute  BULLSHIT  tomfoolery  ,  ya  girl  𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧  is  ready  for  u  with  my  lil  firecrotch  son  ,  𝖘𝖆𝖒𝖘𝖔𝖓  .  strong  silent  type  ,  ABSOLUTE  buffoon  ,  barely  keeping  it  together  so  hopefully  by  the  time  we’re  done  w  him  he’s  still  in  something  resembling  one  piece  :’)  all  my  love  to  u  and  u  cute  asses  !  i’m  so  excited  to  get  this  all  poppin  !

⋆  ╰  another   year   at   hollingsworth   ,  another   year   of   the  big   six rivalry   .   i   hear   that  SAMSON  MAILOTO   is   ensuring  SIGMA  ALPHA  NU   gets   a   solid   pledge   class   and   stays   at   the   top   of   the   ranks   .  oh   ,   you’re   not   familiar   with  HIM  ?  SAM   is   the  KJ  APA   look   alike   from  THE  BRONX   ,   NEW  YORK   .   a  part   of   PC  ‘16   ,  he  is   majoring   in  KINESIOLOGY   and   has   plans   to  ENTER  THE  MMA  AND  ESCAPE  FROM  THE  PUBLIC  EYE   after   undergrad   .   it   makes   sense   they   pledged   their   house   ,   their  PHLEGMATIC   &  SOLICITOUS   attributes   make   them   perfect   matches   .   however   ,   their  TREPIDATIOUS   &  AUSTERE   attributes   keep   their   name   alive   on  greek   rank   .   if   you   don’t   catch   them   dancing   to  BLEACH   -   BROCKHAMPTON   at   a   fraternity   band   party   this   year   ,   you’ll   be   sure   to   catch   them   nursing   their   morning   hangover   at  THE  SNU  HOUSE   .  cheers   to   another   wild   semester  !

⋆ ╰   𝑺 𝑻 𝑨 𝑻 𝑰 𝑺 𝑻 𝑰 𝑪 𝑺  .

𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍    𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆 :     samson  ioaleki  mailoto

𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬     :    sam  ,  sammy  

𝒃𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆    /    𝒂𝒈𝒆 :    february  4    ,    twenty

𝒛𝒐𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒄     :    aquarius

𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓    𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒚    /    𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒔     :     cismale  identifying    with    he  /  him  /  his  pronouns    

𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏     :     heteroflexible  and  pansexual  ;  he’s  never  actively  considered  himself  as  lgbtq+  but  has  also  never  given  it  much  thought  ddjdjdjdkjdk

𝒐𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏    :    kinesiology  major  at  hu  ,  aspiring  welterweight  mma  fighter  ,  us  olympic  representitive  for  men’s  boxing  in  the  2020  olympics

𝒉𝒐𝒈𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔    𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆    :    gryffindor

𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏    𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒅    𝒃𝒚     :     eliot  alder  from  mr  robot  ,  kylo  ren  from  the  new  star  wars  series  ,  detective  elliot  stabler  from  law  and  order  svu  ,  steve  rogers  from  the  mcu  

𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒔    :    -    trepidatious  ,  austere  ,  apprehensive  ,  hesitant  ,  antisocial  ,  hostile  ,  bellicose  .

+        phlegmatic  ,  solicitous  ,  benevolent  ,  rational  ,  stalwart  ,  loyal  ,  reliable  ,  optimistic  .

𝑃𝐼𝑁𝑇𝐸𝑅𝐸𝑆𝑇  located  here  !

⋆ ╰    𝑨 𝑵 𝑻 𝑬 𝑪 𝑬 𝑫 𝑬 𝑵 𝑻 .

bullet  points  for  the  win  bc  who  has  time  for  all  the  tomfoolery  i  could  spew  from  my  ass  !

sammy’s  mom  was  a  housekeeper  in  upper  manhattan  for  some  fancy  dancy  homes  who  needed  their  gold  toilet  seat  covers  sanitized  3x  a  day  ,  u  know  the  type 🙄

samson  grew  up  in  a  run  down  apartment  in  a  small  samoan  community  in  the  bronx  and  has  always  been  a  lil  antisocial  weirdo  since  those  warm  dark  eyes  came  into  the  light  .  he  rlly  minded  his  own  business  n  wasn’t  really  curious  about  literally  anything  besides  running  and  wrestling  w  his  cousins  .  his  mom  struggled  to  keep  him  fed  and  housed  and  dressed  and  worked  relentless  hours  but  never  left  sam  needing  anything  ,  a  literal  fucking  legend  of  a  woman  and  he’s  proud  to  carry  her  last  name  !

sammy  always  felt  the  weight  of  never  wanting  to  be  an  extra  burden  to  his  mother  and  learned  to  really  be  self-sufficient  ,  likely  explaining  his  satisfaction  with  being  so  alone  

he  vaguely  remembers  the  night  his  life  changed  in  middle  school  ,  the  hushed  strained  whisper  from  the  living  room  ,  he’s  your  god  damned  son  too  ,  think  about  him  for  once  in  your  fucking  life  .  it  hit  like  a  fucking  train  once  the  story  picked  up  ,  5  time  nfl  superbowl  champ  father  to  secret  love  child  .  think  arnold  schwarznegger’s  secret  son  level  scandal  !  suddenly  his  shithead  of  a  dead  is  trying  to  salvage  his  image  ,  fighting  for  split  custody  arrangements  ,  telling  the  press  how  much  in  child  support  he  payed  ,  anything  to  save  his  ass

this  is  the  first  time  samson  remembers  being  fueled  by  rage  in  his  life  ,  as  a  relatively  well-tempered  child  ,  the  injustice  of  having  this  near-stranger  try  to  be  a  “  DAD  ” to  him  while  shitting  all  over  his  mother’s  name  made  his  fucking  blood  boil  and  becomes  a  theme  for  his  future

he  spends  the  next  chapters  of  his  life  going  to  the  fancy  private  schools  in  new  york  his  dad  picks  for  him  and  tearing  his  tie  off  on  the  ratty  bus  ride  into  the  bronx  to  go  home  to  his  mom  .  he  hates  having  to  haul  ass  back  and  forth  ,  wishing  he  could  stay  with  the  only  family  he’s  actually  given  a  shit  about  ,  but  bears  it  for  the  sake  of  not  causing  his  mom  any  more  torment  .  his  father  is  as  awful  as  could  be  imagined  ,  and  samson  hates  every  second  of  existing  with  him  ,  the  snarky  little  comments  at  school  and  in  the  ritzy  wealthy  circles  that  make  him  feel  more  of  a  black  sheep  than  he  ever  asked  to  be

this  becomes  the  root  of  his  anxiety  ,  bearing  the  weight  of  the  world’s  expectations  on  his  young  shoulders  and  repressing  his  own  needs  and  desires  as  a  result  .  he  goes  into  every  sport  imaginable  ,  his  father’s  DNA  being  increasingly  difficult  to  deny  ,  but  finds  a  particular  talent  with  fighting  and  takes  on  as  many  fighting  styles  as  he’s  able  to  master

turning  18  should  mean  freedom  for  sam  ,  but  nothing  is  ever  as  simple  as  he  could  ask  in  his  life  .  in  order  to  keep  the  child  support  payments  that  admittedly  help  keep  his  mother  afloat  ,  his  father  asks  one  more  thing  of  samson  :  hold  off  on  his  pro  mma  dreams  for  just  a  little  longer  in  order  to  attend  his  alma  matter  ,  hollingsworth  university  ,  as  a  publicity  move  and  then  he’ll  be  out  of  sam’s  life  in  every  way  except  financially  .  with  the  dream  of  completing  college  like  his  mom  always  aspired  for  him  ,  sam  agreed  and  went  on  to  appease  the  man  one  last  time  ,  joining  his  former  fraternity  to  sweeten  the  deal  (  and  secure  a  lovely  brownstone  in  his  childhood  neighborhood  signed  in  his  mother’s  name  )  and  is  a  year  out  from  graduating  and  letting  mma  be  the  only  reason  his  name  would  ever  appear  in  the  tabloids  .

⋆ ╰    𝑨 𝑵 𝑨 𝑳 𝒀 𝑺 𝑰 𝑺 .

personality  wise  ,  i  describe  sam  as  the  stupid  bitch  w  big  npc  energy  ,  if  u  want  him  to  talk  u  gotta  talk  to  him  first  and  even  then  he  might  just  give  u  that  hostile  stare  and  just  .. . .  remain  silent  KSDFSDF

he’s  about  as  NOT  a  people  person  as  physically  possible  ,  would  really  be  content  just  sticking  to  his  inner  circle  for  like  the  rest  of  his  life  without  concern  .  he  seems  like  this  rude  stand-offish  dick  but  the  truth  is  he’s  PAINFULLY  SHY  and  has  a  p  severe  case  of  generalized  anxiety  disorder  so  interactions  ?  w  new  ppl  ?  are  a  HARD  pass

did  i  mention  he’s  on  steriods  bc  that  def  adds  to  his  anxiety  and  hostility  !  lmao  !  he  started  juicing  in  high  school  when  his  dad  kept  pressuring  him  for  football  and  how  he  was  “  twice  your  size ”   at  that  age  ,  n  he  HATES  the  dude  but  he’s  also  lowkey  insecure  abt  his  lack  of  a  father  figure  so  ?  used  daddy’s  money  to  start  his  first  cycle  and  pay  off  to  test  clean  and  now  he’s  been  hooked  on  and  off  .  he’s  currently  starting  a  new  cycle  to  bulk  up  for  the  new  season  and  prep  for  the  2020  olympics  but  swears  he  wont  be  on  them  forever  :/

they  make  him  SUPER  aggressive  when  set  off  ,  it’s  a  decent  thing  that  sam’s  so  monotone  and  shy  that  he’s  also  pretty  laid  back  and  kinda  hard  to  rile  up  .  he  really  doesn’t  take  much  personally  and  won’t  do  a  huge  “  chest  pumped  bro  lets  do  this ”  show  bc  he  ?  thinks  all  those  guys  who  do  that  are  tools  LMAO  but  find  the  right  button  to  push  n  he’ll  become  the  very  thing  he  despises  !

if  u  can  get  past  the  literal  awkward  silence  and  resting  bitch  face  ,  sammy  is  actually  really  well  known  for  being  just  a  generally  decent  guy  .  the  perception  is  often  that  he’s  a  dick  bc  he  think’s  he’s  better  than  a  lot  of  ppl  ,  but  the  truth  is  he’s  just  too  nervous  to  start  conversations  n  most  ppl  assume  its  an  ego  thing  vs  a  “  i’m  about  to  piss  myself  thinking  abt  all  the  ways  this  convo  can  go  wrong  so  i’ll  just  not  talk  and  glare  @  u  instead  ”  thing

if  he  had  his  shit  together  he  would  definitely  qualify  as  a  dad  type  ,  but  since  he  doesn’t  ,  he  won’t  SSHSHSHSH  but  he’s  really  just  a  softie  deep  down  ,  he  has  a  stupid  as  HELL  sense  of  humor  and  is  really  objective  and  level  headed  .  the  gryffindor  in  him  is  DEEPLY  loyal  ,  like  to  the  death  ,  but  he’s  got  lots  of  hufflepuff  in  the  sense  that  he’s  really  willing  to  get  his  hands  dirty  to  help  those  in  need  .  u  need  help  moving  ?  someone  to  keep  u  company  while  u  babysit  ?  feel  nervous  walking  alone  after  class  at  night  ?  sammy  might  leave  u  on  read  if  u  text  him  bc  he’s  a  Dumb  Bitch  like  that  but  he’ll  show  up  on  the  dot  ,  hands  in  pockets  ,  exactly  where  u  asked  him  to  be  ready  to  do  what  u  asked  him  to  do  .  the  mans  is  a  super  hard  worker

he  def  still  feels  kinda  weird  at  uni  ?  he’s  p  smart  but  some  of  the  classes  unrelated  to  athletics  and  anatomy  have  given  him  a  REALLY  tough  time  (  dance  appreciation  for  his  fine  arts  credit  almost  tanked  his  gpa  LMAO  )  and  he’s  not  top  of  his  class  or  anything  but  ppl  still  try  to  talk  to  him  bc  of  the  whole  “  famous  dad  ,  future  olympian  ”  thing  ,  which  he  can  pick  up  from  a  mile  a  way  and  makes  him  super  uncomfortable  .  even  being  in  a  frat  w  a  bunch  of  old  money  rich  boys  makes  him  DEF  feel  like  the  odd  one  out  ,  and  he’s  just  counting  down  the  days  until  he’s  OUT  OF  HERE

in  conclusion  :  i  love  u  all  .  lets  suffer  together  .  :~)

[studyyt]

I fucking hate my thermo professor so fucking much bro he is so lazy and is gonna tank my gpa when i was finally getting it up. Maybe if you actually taught us something instead of pretending to be a fucking audiobook you wouldnt be so worried abt the class cheating and I would have a chance at passing. You lazy mfffff why cant you just let me use my stupid pdf of the text book i dont want to pay $70 to rent the stupid book and even if i did. I dont want to go on campus to pick ot up and i sure as hell dont want to print out 50+ pages of the fucking book and even if i did i dont even have a working printer at my house to do that you useless mf. Its my fault for not taking it w Moriss tho. I have priority regustratuon im so fucking stupid. I did this to myself so now i have to live with it but i still hate his guts and also im like a month behind in solids lectures and the exam is tmrw and also i havent picked up mu stupid book for gd and t class literally why couldnt they just ship it i dont want to drive all the way over there and go on campus for a stupid workbook im dumb for signing up for that class im not even learning anyhing

.......

Haha i never posted this but i got a 70 onny thermo exam and in still passing the class lmao Im still a month behind in 301 lecture but i think my midterm actually went well for that class. And gd&t class ends today and i didnt even go to the last lecture bc i went to my mentor training instead.... i may never get that workbook lmao

[finna-hallipinya]

.

[helianthusrex]

@thatkindoforc

re: school lunch thing

HOO BOY WHERE DO I START

the public highschool i went to was approx. 3k students iirc

we had security out the ass (presumably bc of school shootings but i never rly asked, i just found it a huge inconvenience @ the time rather than for safety or anything like that)

we were technically a very prestigious highschool bc of our art department (which was larger than the music + football combined) & i remember i had to take a lot of tests to get in, much less to land myself in the art classes/english advanced classes

side: nearly all of which i eventually tanked bc of depression, getting so severely sick in junior yr i missed 2-3 months of school, & a whole host of other problems that ended up w/my 4.5 gpa as a freshman divebombing into like a 2.something or other by the end BUT THATS A STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME

anyway my rambling is to talk ab:

we had so many students

we had classes divided into 4 (u would have 4 classes 1 day, then 4 dif classes the next day, which rotated so if u had english class, itd be every other day, & all classes lasted for like 1 1/2 hr periods w/breaks for lunch & a study/free period iirc)

bc our school colours were red/black, they were red days & black days which in hindsight is so stupid sounding lmfao

so depending on ur schedule, u could have lunch practically IN THE MORNING (like, 1 class, then lunch, & then suffer 3 classes bf getting to go home), or very very late in the afternoon, or somewhere in the middle

i cant remember how many dif lunch periods there were, but we had like. 15? 20? min to eat sandwiched into our schedules like this

the school lunches were shit

all the horror stories are true ab school lunches across public school spaces, even fancypants ones like mine & ill never not be over that like, sure feed ur kid shit thats gonna get them so sick they vomit & thats the good outcome, yep great

but added bonus that bc we were fancypants but u could still be in this school on like, assistance & shit, there were literal tiers of ppl in the lunches

so like, u had poor as fuck kids w/little to no lunch, brownbagging, & then those that could get the lunches but often wouldnt anyway bc the lunches were below the usual shit tier offered, or u had those that could at least afford it/werent on programs & it was passable edible if u looked at it but not if u ate it or were brave

unless it was like, a specific day of the week when they had these cheese breadstick things

those were the only thing edible bc they were from a local pizza place

i always ate those when they showed up lmfao

anyway we even had fucking vending machines, but they were so pricey that a lot of kids couldnt rly buy out of them bc see above so they just sort of existed to taunt u w/sugary things behind glass

i mostly brown-bagged plus used my smol as fuck allowance to sneak things i wasnt allowed to eat at home bc of this, since some of my friends were actually p “rich” in that they could regularly afford the rest of the stuff that was the “higher tier food” which meant bartering systems or shoving my allowance at them to get some of their food

i would regularly skip classes/my own lunch to go to lunch w/my friends bc i didnt want to be alone & i hated the classes i had scheduled for the day

i still have dreams/nightmares where im stuck endlessly wandering the halls, skipping classes that ive never shown up for even 1 time & theres no one around lmfao

also security guards everywhere

when u walked into the building, u HAD to have ur special school ID (which had to be updated/replaced very very regularly) or u were considered truant, got written up (it went in ur record) + a sticker ID u had to wear all day like the scarlet A; sometimes if it happened often enough u could either get sent home, suspended, or both

there was also the scans for making sure we didnt have anything on us like guns (those big overhead metal detectors + the handheld things)

u couldnt get lunch if u didnt have ur ID, & u couldnt go anywhere in the halls w/o ur ID, either, so like if u had to take a piss & u had the scarlet letter, u had to take the hall pass (but a lot of teachers wouldnt write hall passes soooo u had to wait for lunch, & see above for schedule conflicts there)

basically public highschool is terrible, mine wasnt that great for all the pretty gilding they tried to slap on it for parents to think otherwise, & there was like 1 class i genuinely liked that still didnt make it worth showing up for & im never not surprised when i think ab how going there contributed so greatly to my spiraling depression/suicidal ideations, & ultimate failure

like yeah, i was also struggling bc baby trans that didnt know shit ab being queer much less that i might be trans

but the whole place had a very prison vibe, no one was being fed anything nutritious if they got fed @ all, & u were only treated special if u were in specific classes (like i was), which got u so far & no further anyway, & in hindsight u bet ur ass it was very very coded toward white kids vs anyone else on getting less-shit tier lunches, less suspensions, hall passes, etc.

[nochhbear]

i kinda missed turing in a test, a research paper, and my final for my lit class but i passed with a 70. i’m gonna email my prof next week to see if he’ll accept late work bc i really dont wanna tank my college gpa with my second fucking class...

[trashfontcesttrash]

Write some sin or something if you're that bored i mean i'll read it.

I got this like a month ago and I was thinking about how to answer this everytime I looked into my inbox.

it’s like, early, and I have to be away bc they’re guys here to replace the flooring in the kitchen, so I’m hella tired and I’m going to drop like a brink once they’re done and gone

Like I went to bed early but as per my insomnia I woke up and wasn’t able to go back to sleep until an hour before my alarm went off. so that’s a thing that happened. I really want to get this chapter of this fanfic done, or at least mostly done. which might sound confusing to most of you ‘cause I just said I don’t write fanfics, i meant like, undertale fics. this is difference and for a barely alive fandom.

I discovered how I can make my foundation less dry as fuck on my skin. Like it blend right in, it’s just that I can see flakes when I look close enough and that’s not a good look. Now it goes on nice. 

Now if I can gain the courage to put eyeshadow on more than just my eyelids. I’m pretty good with blush, though. I should probably be going with liquid blush than powder. Coral is a good color on my skin.

let’s see

my applications are getting viewed on LinkedIn, and I’m showing up in searches, so that’s a super plus. It helps having a profile pic, I suppose. 

Did you guys know that at one point I considered going to Law School? This was mostly in my freshman year, but I picked my Minor, poli sci because if I ever made that decision, I would have an okay background, as I was told an english major and poli sci minor would be a good place to start. obviously I didn’t do it, my second year was when the depression and migraines settled in, tanking my 3.8 gpa to a 2.1 goddamn. I wish I got help back then. I feel like I missed so many chances because I could barely get out of bed and go to class, let alone get my homework done.

If I could go back to college, I’d probably go back in for a science, tbh. Most likely biology. just because I like it. I thought about going in for my MFA but like

how am i going to pay for that. they’re already on my ass about my last student loans. 

Sometimes I mull over the idea of writing trashy erotic and selling it on amazon just to make money. if that one chick who wrote slenderman porn could do it why can’t I

The first family I created was in high school and I distinctly remember them. Olivia Fitzgerld and John Marmaduke. Met in college, got married, had a girl that I was adament be named Marmalade, and twin boys Oliver and John Jr. I never did anything with them, though, and I have no plans. I have enough ‘plans’.

[magicalgirljessie-blog]

i am a literal mess wtf im such a depressed sack of shit i have a paper due thursday that ive just been ignoring bc i dont have the energy to write it i havent been sleeping i have been nauseous and miserable fuck depression fuck march bc i hate this month such a shitty fuckin month fuck my prof who makes me feel stupid whenever i try to speak up in class like its so blatant she thinks im dumb when she doesnt nitpick the answers any other student gives only mine agh this year has been hard but these past months have just made me feel awful every day my gpa is tanking i dont have a job im broke as fuck i just wanna cry and start my life over