#my hand is constantly shaking and my stomach feels like it cant hold shit

[lostalioth]

𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐝

→ premise: steve spoils you, a little too much. for once in your relationship he’s denying you the thing he always gives you, orgasms.

→ paring: steve harrington x fem!reader

→ warnings: eighteen+, smut, unprotected sex orgasm denial, mirror sex, very small daddy kink, mean!steve, nicknames [babe, baby princess, my girl], praising, very small degrading

→ a/n: 06 kinktober! did’nt proofread at all so sorry for mistakes

Steve never denied you anything, your friends often teased him constantly for giving in to you. He often gives you multiple orgasms each night. He cant help how pretty you look when you're squirming, whining and giving into your high washing over you. He can't help but think you’re beginning to take them for granted, since you’ve started asking him for more than one. He needs to remind you just who is the one giving you them. So now he’s going to deny you your sweet release.

“Stevie p-please just let me cum” you whine and attempt to give Steve puppy dog eyes through the mirror. He was pressed against your back, his big hands held onto your waist as he thrusted into you. His cock made you feel so full every time he was inside you. He was bigger than most girls could handle but you were able to take all of him. Steve thought he was gonna lose it and cum the second he first bottomed out inside you. That stinging beautiful stretch that happens each time he first slides his cock inside drove you crazy. You’re only an hour into steve fucking you in front of the large full length mirror that stood in your room. Normally Steve would have had you cumming for the second time by now. But he was punishing you.

“Can't do that sweet girl, I've spoiled ya’ a bit too much princess. Turned my girl into a greedy slut cause a givin’ you so many orgasms. So you don't get to cum” he laughed softly in a mocking tone at your small grumbles and whines of protests. You were already so close to the edge ready to fall over and let your high wash over you. You needed to be good and listen but Steve wanted to toutre you, make it impossible not to cum.

His thrusts start to speed up and get rougher, pushing you forward to your hands and knees. “God, this pussy s‘good baby. You're squeezing the shit outta me babe” he groans and digs his fingers into your waist and hips. You were already getting worked up over his praise and rambling of how good it is, the thought of the bruises that’ll be left on your body at the end only excited you more. “Just let me cum this once please steve i don't need more than one, just gimme one please” you were pleading by this point the knot forming in the pit of your stomach was becoming unbearably tight. Steve grunts and grabs your discarded panties that were left on the floor and stuffs them in your parted mouth. The whine you let out is muffled by the soaked fabric, you can taste your slick on your tongue as your eyebrows furrow begging Steve with your eyes. He usually turns to mush from your dough eyes not this time. He was unrelenting.

“Gotta shut this pretty mouth of yours up, I coulda just denied you my cock would that be better?” He tilts his head, looking at you through the mirror, that is beginning to fog up slightly. You frantically shake your head, tears brimming your eyes. Being denied your orgasm began to hurt, your throbbing red puffy cunt begging for relief and more at the same time.

Your teary eyes earn you a tilted smirk through the mirror and a kiss at the base of your spine. “Good girl” Steve grunts as he continues his abusing thrusts hitting the sponge sweet spot deep inside you. A spot Steve's cock hits everytime without fail.

You bite down on your cotton panties that were silencing you to concentrate on not letting go.

Your hips involuntarily bucking back to meet Steve's deep and hard thrusts, we’re betraying you however and making that seem like mission fucking impossible The tears sliding down your face only made Steve speed up. Your hands flail around looking for anything to hold onto and steady yourself, they end up landing on the back of Steve's thighs. Digging your nails into the plush skin, causing Steve to let out a small hiss at the pain. You both knew there’d be crescent shaped indents left by the time your punishment is done.

“I’m real close princess, fuck” he grunts as he throws his head back. You could tell without the warning he was close, his thrusts lost rhythm and his cock was throbbing inside you. The pain of holding your orgasm back was building up faster and you were becoming overly sensitive. You felt every little drag and pulse of his cock inside you and it was only making you cry harder.

Steve thrusts deep inside you one last time and rambles of “good girl” alongside your name as he shoots hot white strings of cum deep inside you, filling you up. Pain shoots through your lower half and you let out a loud whine as steve rubs circles on your hips and smiles at the forming purple and yellow bruises.

He held still inside you and even though he finished your hips were still grinding back on him softly, your body begging for release. All the built up tension getting to your head, making you a desperate whining mess. “Think I should let you cum baby? You were s’good for me” he pulls your now sopping wet panties from your mouth. A mixture of your slick and saliva rubs down your chin. He began trailing small kisses up your back and rubbing out the knots and kinks in your back waiting on an answer. You knew there was only one right answer that would get you the release you so desperately needed. “Only if you think i deserve it daddy” you whine and let go of his thighs to wipe your eyes and chin.

“There’s my good girl, my girl may be spoiled but she always deserves it” he leans down and captures your lips in a steamy kiss, mumbling ‘cum’ against your soft lips. Sliding his hand down your hip and between your legs, rubbing your needy cilt finally giving it attention for the first time tonight. He’s quick to slip tongue between your parted lips when you gasp in surprise and pleasure.

It’s not long at all before your high comes crashing over you practically making your whole body shake.

→ a/n: first time writing for steve so i hope he doesnt seem out of character :/! Ive gotten very behind on kinktober and had to shorten my prompt list but hopefully i can finish it now!!

[catholicjinx]

oooookay. okay um

[spencerswhoreclub]

I HATE YOU

By- Spencerswhoreclub

I LOVE THIS TROPE, it's enemies to lovers so enjoy

This chapter contains- arguing, degrading, praise kink, mommy kink, choking, sub Spencer, dominant reader, over stimulating, orgasm deprivation, (male) anal fingering, (male receiving) oral sex, (female) penetration, and a sub drop.

Wc- 2280

—————-

Your POV

—————-

Spencer and I have had it out for each other since day one. When I first met him and he refused to shake my hand. I wasn't too worried because I knew he was a germaphobe and was going to refuse, but it didn't hurt to try.

To my surprise every single time I talked to him he would brush me off. He would come up with an excuse like him being swamped with work or he would get up to get coffee.

But when every time I would even look in his direction or even open my mouth to say something to someone I could hear him scuff like I just insulted his mother. That is when I decided I'd give him the same energy he gave me.

So then every time he talked I would roll my eyes or let out a small laugh. He obviously caught onto it because he decided to escalate his antics.

Soon after he started closing doors just before I could walk through them or even interrupting me in the middle of my sentence. So I decided I'd make sure to time when I got to work just right so I could shut the elevator doors before he arrived. If he came earlier I came earlier, it was a vicious cycle.

It escalated to the point where everyone on the team noticed, they would even pull us to the side and constantly ask what's wrong and of course we both just said it was nothing and chalked it up to us being tired of having a bad day.

Eventually after three months of us hating each other hotch had enough of us. When we were in the middle of bickering about what the unsubs motive was he intervened.

"Y/n, Reid, the team and I are all tired of you going back and forward. I don't know what happened to cause this feud but until it's resolved you guys will be sharing a hotel room, I don't care how long it takes so you better play nice"

Both Spencer and I tried to defend ourselves but it was no use hotch had made up his mind.

After a long day of arguing with Spencer I had to go back to my shared hotel room with him. When we finally got to the hallway I did what anyone In my position would do.

I took off sprinting down the hallway, he obviously caught onto what I was trying to do because he ran after me. Just before he caught up I unlocked the door and shut it behind me.

"Y/n you know I have a key too right"

He sounds out of breath from running, why is it low key hot- no, y/n you hate him

My thoughts were interrupted by the door opening. Before I could realize what was happening my back was against the door and his body was pressed against mine.

"What the fuck was that"

Are you fucking serious, did he really ask what that was after he went from icing me out to being just plain rude to me.

————————

Spencer's POV

————————

I asked her what was up but honestly I knew I had been a jerk to her from the moment she stepped into the building.

In the beginning she really just did catch me at a bad time. I had planned on properly introducing myself the next day but after I had time to think about it I figured I wouldn't be able to shake my first impression so I decided I'd just stick with being an ass.

But to be honest I did really like her, she had always been in the back of my mind. I constantly imagine her tying me up or edging me until I had tears in my eyes. But I also want more than that, I want to be the reason she smiles, I want her to be the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night

I was thrown out of my daydream when I felt her push me off of her

—————

Your POV

—————

I pushed him off of me and started yelling at him pushing him further and further while doing so

"WHAT WAS THAT? You mean what you're been doing to me since you met me, for a genius you're really fucking stupid. I've don't nothing but match the energy you gave me"

I finally pushed him down onto the bed and I heard him whimper making me smile.

"God I fucking hate you"

I smashed our lips together and we ripped each other's clothes off eager to see each other naked after being deprived of each other for months.

Once we were both in our underwear I attached my lips to his neck and grabbed the growing bulge in his boxers, then he let out a loud moan.

"Damn baby boy I've barely touched you"

"Ik m-mommy it just feels s-so good"

Before I could even register what he said his eyes went wide and he tried to sit up

"I- I'm so sorry I don't know what I was-"

I cut him off with a kiss, I tried to put as much love as I possibly could into it just so he knew it was alright

"Baby it's fine, I wouldn't want you to call me anything else"

I made my way down to the bed so that I was eye level with his dick and slowly pulled down his boxers. Of course his dick is like the rest of him, absolutely beautiful.

I take my time kissing everywhere around where he truly wanted me, I could lie and say it was to tease him but I really wanted this to last as long as possible.

Finally I gave in and wrapped my lips around the tip. I brought my head up and down, taking more and more each time earning more small whimpers from him.

"Mommy I'm about to cum"

"Oh no you're not, not yet at least. You've been such a bad boy and bad boys get punished. Turn around and get on your hands and knees."

He does so immediately not wanting to make it any worse for himself. I leaned over him while pushing his shoulders down so that his back was arched.

"Is this okay?"

I whisper in his ear while pushing two fingers against his entrance

"Y-yes pl-please mommy I need it"

I applied more pressure, slowly pressing my fingers into his hole earning a loud moan. At first I went slow then I started going faster and deeper until I hit his prostate.

"Fuck- mommy can I please cum"

"Of course you can baby"

Even after he released I kept going, I figured I'd fuck with him more. Since he was already sensitive it didn't take him long to get close.

"Mommy I'm close, please can I cum"

"Yes baby boy"

Even after he finished again i still didn't stop

"Please mommy stop, it's too much"

He saw with tears streaming down his face

"No, you're going to cum for each month you insisted on being a dick to me"

"B-but I c-cant"

"Yes you can, you want to be my good boy don't you?"

"Yes m-ma'am"

"So cum for me"

His legs started shaking and he finally released onto the bed for the third time of the night.

"Turn over onto your back, I'm going to ride you and you're not going to cum until I do, got it?"

"Yes ma'am"

"Good boy"

As soon as he got onto his back I wasted no time taking off my bra and underwear, he was so busy staring at my tits he didn't even notice me climbing on top of him

"Hey my eyes are up here"

I said while snapping in his face

"Sorry mommy you're just so pretty"

"Yeah yeah shut up so I can fuck you"

I took his dick in my hand and teased him by rubbing his tip up and down my opening

"P-please mommy"

"Fine, but only because you're cute when you beg"

As soon as the words came out of my mouth I sunk down on his length earning a loud moan from Spencer. I started bouncing up and down but I couldn't help but notice his hands balled into fists gripping the sheet so hard I'm surprised it didn't rip.

Then I realize I never gave him permission to touch me, he's trying so hard to be a good boy for me.

"Baby boy it's okay, you can touch me"

His hands were immediately on my waist gripping hard enough to leave marks.

"How do you think the team would react if they say you like this huh? What do you think they'd say if they saw how much of a little slut you are"

He opened his mouth but all he could get out was high pitched moans. So I wrapped my hand around his throat

"I asked you a question, what do you think they'd say"

"I-I d-don't know"

"They would say you're pathetic for letting a girl take over and use you"

I leaned forward to get a better angle and he saw this as a perfect opportunity to suck on my tits.

"Shit- baby boy if you keep this up I won't last"

"Please cum for me mommy, I want it so much"

I reached down and rubbed my clit in circles then I felt a familiar feeling in my stomach

"Fuck Spence I'm cuming, please fill me up"

We both came at the same time and I collapsed next to him. I went to get up to go pee but he pulled me back down.

"Spence I-"

"Please, please don't leave, I-I'm sorry I was so bad to you I didn't mean it. I really like you a-and I just didn't know how to-"

That's when I realized he had been crying

"Shhh Spence it's fine-"

"No it's not fine-"

"Don't ever interrupt me again"

"Yes ma'am"

"Good, now I understand Spencer and I promise I won't leave you. Come here"

I scooted back on the bed so I was leaning against the headboard. I sat there with open arms waiting for him to come to me.

He crawled up to me and curled up on my chest. He looked at my boobs and back at me silently asking permission and I nodded my head. He took my nipple in his mouth and started sucking.

This poor boy has some serious mommy issues and abandonment issues.

"Spencer I understand why you did what you did and I'm not going to hold it against you"

Then I felt something wet roll down my chest

"Baby why are you still crying"

"B-because I want t-this to be more than a o-one time thing. Just because you forgive m-me doesn't mean you like me"

"Spence look at me"

Grab his face and kiss him softly

"I promise you're not the only one that wants this to be more than a one time thing"

"Really"

"Yes Spence, I'd love to call you my boyfriend if that's alright with you."

"Yes please"

He attached his lips to my neck sucking harshly

"Baby boy we have to be up early tomorrow and if you don't stop I won't be able to resist fucking you again."

He still didn't stop so I shot him a glance as a warning and he stopped, god I love how submissive he is.

Before I knew it I was getting woken up by my alarm. I took a second to admire how cute he looked before I woke him up but eventually I had too. We had to meet the team downstairs for breakfast.

We both took our time in the shower, and ended up fucking so we had to rush to get dressed. So much so we both forgot about the marks we left on each other.

When we finally got downstairs the whole team was there, all was normal until Morgan noticed something.

"Damn pretty boy I didn't know you had it in you"

"What, what are you talking about"

Spencer asked

"You and y/n over here both have marks, y'all definitely fucked last night."

His face turned a deep shade of pink and as cute as it was I had to step in.

"Okay and? We fucked this morning in the shower too"

Unfortunately this barely phased him and he kept talking

"So y/n how's his dick game"

"I wouldn't know, I was the one in charged"

"No way"

"I'll prove it"

I walked over to Spencer and slightly pinched his butt and he let out an involuntary whimper

"Mommy"

It was barely audible but it was just loud enough to the entire team to hear

Now it was his turn to be speechless

But eventually hotch finally broke the silence

"You know this isn't what I was expecting when I made y'all room together but anything is better that that bickering"

This time the entire team chimed in

"Most definitely"

"Agreed"

"Yes."

I was about to defend myself but Spencer interrupted me

"Hey-"

"Y/n it's fine"

"What did I say about interrupting me"

"I'm sorry, ma'am"

"Good, now let's go solve this case"

[wizkiddx]

Please I request you and Tom Holland being the sort of ‘it/star couple’ and being really popular in the media and fans

Req if you want?🤪 + I’d love any feedback/tips <3

Sorry I changed this a bit just cos tom rn seems the opposite of being that public and I have 0 imagination, hope this is still okay!

Summary: Tomhollandxactress!reader - as the two of you go on your first public and official event, Tom cant help but show everyone how enamoured he is by you

The fallout of from yesterdays ceremony was definitely not what either of you had expected. Having stirred from sleep before your boyfriend, naturally you’d killed the morning flicking through your phone. As much as you normally tried to avoid the tabloids and twitter, especially after you released your relationship to the world, having had a bunch of your friends actually sent you links to them - it would be rude not to have a quick scan. Especially because, for once, they seemed to be positive.

You see, it had always been the little things with Tom. Even when you had just been getting to know him, it was the small and unconscious actions that even he didn’t know he did. You always said Toms love language was physical - as much as he wanted to say that it was ‘words if affirmation’ or something else corny he’d read on buzzfeed (you’d got him addicted and now lived to regret it). That didn’t mean that he had to be clinging on to you, or excessive PDA or anything of the sort. It was more subtle which somehow made them more special to you. Now though, the whole world seemed to have picked up on it too.

This was the first event the two of you had actually attended together. As in together together. As in not hiding. You had been nominated for best actress; whilst Tom’s newest movie was up for a few accolades too - so fair to say it was a big night for Hollywoods newest couple. Naturally since your instagram post 3 weeks ago, the world was obsessed with you both. All the way in the car, you leg had actually been trembling with nerves - bouncing up and down in your silhettohe heels. In attempt to calm you, Tom bumped his knee against yours before reaching over to actually squeeze your thigh. 

“It’ll be fine you know?” You sighed shakily, turning your head to face Tom’s soft features. Both of you were dressed to the nines, you were in a glittery red chain-look scrappy dress; Tom in an all black suit, except the little pocket square of satin deep red - embellished with a single chain that came from your dress. Hopefully not too cliche but now the both of you were done with hiding - Tom seemed to want to just a little something. You hummed in response, searching the flicks of warm brown in his eyes with yours. 

“It’s just new and we haven’t encountered all the questions yet so I don’t know how to answer them and -”

“We’ll do them together and-and you can say no Y/n/n… you don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to.” Taking a long exhale, you hesitantly nodded, allowing a small smile to grow on your face. It was terrifying but you had this doting and angelic boy by your side. You’d get through any tough questions.

However it wasn’t actually the answers you spoke that evening that stuck in the public mind. 

When you’d first pulled up to the carpet, Tom instantly hopped out and rounded the car door to get to your side just as you swung your legs out toe doorway. After waving quickly at the screaming crowd, he looked down and offered up his hand to you - which you gladly accepted. The LA weather was beautiful, and the evening was just rolling into golden hour- the suns brilliant yellow-orange light bathing your body as you climbed out the car. 

The screaming used to be terrifying and although today was a little more nerve wracking than normal, you still could be nothing but appreciative for all these people showing up. In your head it was so bizarre that anyone would spend so much time and effort to meet you - really you were just normal person, and pretty boring one at that. Yet here you were in the most bizarre situation, there was nothing else to do but smile and wave. 

Just like that you went into the ‘celebrity mode’. The pair of you worked your way down the sides, smiling warmly for selfies and signing various posters and memorabilia. Really there was nothing to worry about, everyone there was nothing but lovely -  many fan girls squealing about how amazing you looked. Tom kept himself close by, occasionally hovering his hand against the small of your back just to reassure you he was there. 

Eventually you worked up to the press line, all of them calling your names with mics outstretched. The two of you approached the first in a long line, Tom taking the moment to just hook his pinky with yours (thinking no one else would notice) because this was clearly the more threatening part of the evening and he just knew you were feeling the anxieties all over again. 

“Tom and Y/n!!! Wow how are you guys doing?” Hence began the start of overenthusiastic small talk from the blonde interviewer. 

“I mean first I gotta ask you Tom…” She drew out the words, increasing the suspense somewhat, making Tom wiggle his brows “How insane does your girl look tonight?” 

“Oh well” Tom chuckled whilst you tried to shake off the embarrassment. He looked you up and down with the biggest smirk on his face. “It’s fair to say my woman looks absolutely breathtaking. She came out the room and I did a little excited dance before we left.” The interviewer laughed and you bumped into his side, rolling your eyes in a joking fashion- though to be fair it was completely true. The interviewer then asked you a couple questions that were a bit more serious, relating to the darker material of work you were nominated for. During it a random gust of wind flew down the carpet, shocking everyone a little - none more so that the minimal pins in the top of your hair, which did little to restrict its movement and instead was flying allover the place. Squealing a little, your trial of though momentarily broken, both yours and Tom’s hands went to pull the long locks back down into place. You thought nothing of it, Tom had developed this weird thing about wanting to do you hair weeks ago - but you weren’t to complain. Constantly during movie nights, he’s be running his fingers through your strands of hair; or even after a shower he’d learn to plait it whilst you did your skincare routine. Whispering a little thanks to him, Tom then reached down to squeeze your hand as the attention was turned back to yet another interview. 

The first article you clicked on was one that your best mate had texted you the link of. On opening it up, the title already made you scoff a little ‘Tom Holland single handedly restoring all hopes that men aren’t always trash’. What followed was 4 points. 

You ever struggled to get out a car in heels? Get yourself a Spiderman to help you up

Hand holding too much PDA? How about a pinky grip?

Oh and he’s trained himself to become a hairdresser when the wind picks up….

Accompanying each subheading was photos of each moment that as it had happened yesterday evening. Unable to help yourself, you kept looking between your phone screen and Tom - who was still fast asleep, his arm wrapped protectively round your middle.  The hair that had been so securely gelled back yesterday evening, now was falling over the front of his forehead and the sight was enough to give you that feeling in the centre of your chest. The dropping feeling as if you were jumping off the edge of a cliff - the adrenalin rush and heart in mouth moment. It had been 18 months you and Tom had been like this and he still gave you the most intense flutters - even if he was snoring. 

Managing to tear your eyes away from him, you scrolled to the last point of the article.

      4.  And yes we know this is cliche… but we swear we have never seen ‘heart eyes’ in reality more that this.

And there was a photo of you, probably chatting pure shit to the interviewer, paying absolutely no attention to a particular pair of brown eyes on you. It was the way the outer corner of his eyes dropped a little to normal position; the way the corner of his lips were turned up just enough to show the slight dimples on his cheeks. Tom’s face had literally been the definition of uwu and you could not suppress the teenage girl like giggle that burst out your chest. That was enough to rouse Tom with a heavy groan, as he pulled himself flush against your side releasing a deep breath.

“Mhmmm… you laughin at me?” He slurred, eyes still shut against your stomach as you stared to card your fingers through his curls. 

“Actually… I might just be” Smirking down at him, Tom yanked his his neck up, squinting at you with a scowl and barely open eyes. “You look so soft” laughing at his expression, you brought your hand out of his curls to smooth over his frown lines.

“ Don’t try and distract me… what you laughing at?” Still pouting, of course, the boy had never been a morning person

“Just… I think you’ve accidentally made us the new Hollywood ‘it’ couple.”

[notanacousticsetcal]

broken pieces - calum hood

summary - an imagine based off of the song “broken pieces” by 5 seconds of summer.

warnings - angst

word count - 1.6k

a/n - this is one of my favorite things i’ve ever written omg. i feel so proud of it. i hope yall like it.

i woke up in the place we started. your clothes on the floor in that old apartment. i never thought you'd leave with out a trace.

calum stirred, slowly coming back to consciousness. he took in his surroundings. your shared bedroom in your LA apartment. he could faintly hear the buzz of traffic outside coming through a window just barely ajar. something was different. memories flooded back of last night. the argument that broke out between you. stupid stuff you spew at each other every single night about how he doesn't try anymore and how you seem bored in the relationship. how he drinks too much and should quit smoking. how you were all over that guy at the party. both of you knew the relationship was deteriorating. both of you constantly on edge, the warmth in your apartment that had been there so long ago wiped almost completely. he pinched his nose in annoyance. why had he said the things he said? he sat up sleepily, ready to face you, probably sulking and as pissed off as ever in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. he braced himself to apologize. calum blinked slowly, running his hands over his eyes and rubbing them fiercely. he couldn't believe what he was seeing. the closet was open and half empty, some scattered garments of yours laid unclaimed on the floor, left behind, forgotten, your makeup was cleared from the desk. the room looked bare. you left.

i cant shake this sinking feeling. i know you're not there and i'm barely breathing. holding onto things i cant replace.

calum sat at the kitchen island, head in his hands, the coffee ashton brought him untouched. "mate, you can get her back. this doesn't have to be the end if you don't want it to be." ashton clapped a hand onto calum's back and shook his shoulder sympathetically. "you do want her back, don't you?" calum sighed impatiently. "things haven't been good between us for a while. maybe it's for the best." ashton looked solemn and disappointed. "think about this, mate." and with that, ashton stood and headed for the door, stepping out into the quiet hallway and leaving calum to his thoughts. he wondered what she must be doing right now. she's probably staying with her sister, playing with her niece to distract herself from the heartache. calum pictured her with the little girl, giggling and smiling that beautiful smile of hers, her morning hair tousled and messy and her eyes squinty with sleep. calum felt his heart sink into his stomach. he pictured the way she looked that day at the park when he surprised her with flowers, her pink lips quirking up into a delighted smile. her cheeks flushed in the LA heat and her skin dewy in a thin layer of sweat. he could see her little yellow sundress and the way it complimented her figure. he pictured the way she sat, how she leaned into him while he told stories. how she laughed at even his lamest jokes. he felt himself getting choked up at the memory of how she looked sleeping in the morning, her hair a mess against the silky pillow and her lips the slightest bit chapped, mouth ajar. she looked peaceful. he wondered what she was dreaming about as her nose scrunched in distaste. calum's head sunk farther into his hands and his fingers gripped angrily at his hair. everything he did that day, every time his brain flipped to thinking about something - anything - else, his mind was plagued with her again. her eyes and her smile and the way she smelled like flowers and strawberries and the way her hair tickled his face and what it was like to kiss her. he couldn't even remember why he was upset the night before.

i'm looking for a way to change my mind. don't walk away. oh tell me what we're fighting for. it's turned into an all out war.

calum knew your relationship was toxic. the way you never said how you both truly felt and avoided calling each other out on your shit until you were so pissed off that it all unloaded at once in an explosion of name calling and accusations and pent up frustration and resentment. the way you both got so intoxicatingly jealous and didn't trust each other as far as you could throw one another. but calum knew what you had was so immensely passionate, so intoxicatingly fiery and overwhelmingly intense that even with the biggest of fights and quarrels, you had the most loving and intimate moments. your love for each other was so huge that you would go to any extreme to please the other person and you couldn't get enough of each other. calum knew what he had with you was a once in a life time type of love. everything logical in him told him to let you go, but his heart practically stopped beating at the thought.

our last words ringing in my head. i wish we'd take back all the things we said. i'm trying to find a way to yesterday.

calum remembered how you threw petty insults at each other that only got more hurtful as the argument escalated. he remembered the pained look in your eyes as you watched him walk to the bedroom. "i'm going to sleep." he had said. why didn't he acknowledge that you were hurting? why didn't he take a step outside himself and realize that there were healthier ways to tell you how he felt? he was immature, you were stubborn. but he could've been the bigger person. if he took that first step, he knows you would've apologized. he knows you regretted it as much as he did. calum gripped the counter tightly, exasperated and so angry at himself. why did he get so caught up in it? he would take it back in a heartbeat if he could. he just gets so riled up, you make him feel a way that no one else can. with all that passion in the form of love, there comes passion in the form of heat and confrontation. its almost like he couldn’t find a way to have one without the other.

if he had just apologized, you would be sat at the island watching him dance around cooking your breakfast. you would be laughing your laugh — the one that's so contagious that whenever you smile calum feels his lips turn up and his chest lighten. the laugh that makes a dark room feel like the surface of the sun. you would have your fuzzy sock covered feet stowed away underneath you, warm cup of tea in hand. your hair would fall around your shoulders, catching the morning light. you would look at him so fondly, his favorite look. calum wanted to take it all back. more than anything.

i'll find a way to fix these broken pieces and let go. and let go, let go, let go. fix these broken pieces and let go.

after spending the entire day in sheer agony, calum sat anxiously on the couch, desperately wishing you were tucked into his side watching the social network or se7en or train spotting. everything he used to do with you felt completely useless without you. he missed the light you were in his life. how you always seemed to be able to make him laugh and the look of concentration on your face when you read and the way you talked to duke. fed up with himself and feeling so fucking miserable, calum grabbed his coat and stormed out the door, car keys in hand. he sped his way to your sisters house, rolling through a few too many stop signs, but he couldn't be bothered. he needed to see you. he quickly threw the car in park and raced up to the door, slamming his fist against the wood like there was no tomorrow. but that's the thing, every tomorrow would feel the same — boring, bland and gray, without you. your sister opened the door, bleary eyed with annoyance written all over her face. she sighed, not surprised in the slightest. "cal, it's late." she began to close the door on him but he stopped her, a pleading look of desperation in his eyes. "please, let me see her," he begged, one arm on the wall and one on the white door. "cal, you had all day and now it's 10 o'clock and you're too fucking late." she attempted to shove the door closed with more force this time and calum was going to let her. she was right. he should've come sooner. idiot. but a small, fragile voice piped up from behind her. one calum thought he might never hear again. "no, it's alright. let him in." your sister rolled her eyes and hesitantly moved from the door frame. "don't make me regret this," she muttered. calum stayed rooted on the porch, partially in shock that you wanted to see him and partially in shock that you somehow managed to get more beautiful every time he saw you. even when he thought it was impossible. "calum, if you don't come in right now, i'm locking you the fuck outside." calum snapped out of his trance and stepped softly inside, throwing an apologetic smile your sisters way. he started walking slowly towards you but once he picked up on the heartbreak and pain in your eyes, he rushed over and pulled you into a bone crushing hug. there's that damn strawberry shampoo that he missed. he didn't want to smell anything else for the rest of his life. he felt that familiar feeling of your hands wrapping around his waist, sitting comfortably like they were made to be there. he could stay like this forever. he knew in that moment that he would do anything and everything to make sure he never had to spend another night without you. whatever broken pieces made up the two of you, he knew they fit together like an 1,000 piece puzzle. and he would spend the rest of his life gluing them back together if he had to.

[littlebitoffanfic]

Cruel Touches

Fandom: TMNT Character: Raph Relationship: Raph/reader Request: Can I request a new reader story? One where rottmnt Raph constantly gropes and feels up the female readers butt cheeks and boobs and the reader getting tired of it asks him why he does that and then he says it’s because he likes her and then they have sex? Thanks! A.N: I focused more on the smut side. I hope you still enjoy it 😊

  You fiddled with the zip of your jacket, but your fingers weren’t playing ball tonight, and the zipper was stiff.  You had just walked back from a friends place when Raph had text you saying he was passing and was on your roof, if you wanted to meet for a little bit. And you weren’t going to turn down some quality time with the largest of the brothers.   One thing you had discovered about Raph was he liked to touch you. Even if he walked past you with plenty of room, he would brush against you. If he had to take something from you, his fingers would touch you if only for a moment. Of course, this had slowly grown. Raph would place his hand a little too low on your back when passing you. You would sit down beside him, and on his hand despite him knowing you were sitting there. Not that you minded. You always made a point to walk closest to him, pressing against him at any change you got. If you hugged him, your whole body was pressed against his front. In truth, you were as bad as he was sometimes. But it never seemed to go anywhere. You really wanted more from him, and while the touches were nice, they weren’t enough. His touch was cruel sometimes. You took the lift to the top floor, which was the one your apartment was on, but you would have to climb a flight of stairs to get to the roof. It was a chilly night with a cold breeze. Thankfully, the tall building kept you reality sheltered from the wind but you knew the second you went onto the open roof, you would be hit by the cold. You prepared yourself as you stood by the door to the roof, but the moment you stepped outside, you lost your breath. “Its freezing.” You complained, rubbing your hands together as you walked out onto the roof top. “Do your jacket up then.” Raph smirked, coming out from the shadows to meet you. “Its an old jacket. The zips so stubborn. And my fingers are already frozen.” You raise your hands to your mouth and blow onto your poor fingers. A chuckle met your ears as Raph walked up to you. You were oddly transfixed with his dementor. He seemed quite confident with the way he walked, and yet there was an uncertainty in his eyes. Raph stood in front of you, reaching forward and taking both sides of your jacket. As he lined up the zipper, your hand dropped to your side as you watched his face, yet he seemed to focused on the task at hand. As his hand pulled the zip up, you noticed how his knuckles grazed against your front in its wake. He seemed to go slightly slower when he passed your chest. You couldn’t help but shake your head. “What?” he asked, like a deer caught in headlights as he pulled away. “Must everything you do be about touching me?” you raise an eyebrow at him, crossing your arms over your chest as he takes a step back. But you were smirking, and he seemed even more confused at that. “I didn’t think you noticed.” He mumbles, looking anywhere but you. “Oh, you don’t think I notice when you touch me?” you cock your head to the side before stepping closer and closing the gap. “Do you like it?” He manages to stand his ground, but only out of sheer curiosity. “Yeah, I just wish it would lead to more.” You shrug your shoulders, looking to the side as your arms drop to your side. “More?” Raph steps forward eagerly and you look back at him, seeing his eyes wide with hope. “Yeah, more. So, do those touches mean anything, or are they just touches?” You ask, wholeheartedly wanting to know the answer. There was no point pining for something if it wasn’t what he wanted. “No, they mean everything to me. You mean everything to me.” He speaks quickly as if trying to convince you his words were true. But you would tell by how he was looking at you that he meant it. But his words did take you a little off guard. You wondered if he really meant that. If he felt the same yearning you felt for him which cant be satisfied by a chase touch? But you wanted to find out, and you wanted his touch more than anything else. A thought pops into your mind as you smirk. “You know, you managed to get the zip up easy enough-“ You drop his hand so you were holding it in front of you. “-I wonder how skilled you are at undoing it?” Biting your lower lip, you saw your comment had certainly not gone over his head. Raph seemed to jump, as if a jolt of electricity had coursed through his body. And the same jolt drove himself forward, his lips meeting yours with such force you stumbled back. His hands grab your waist and he pushes you up against the wall, kissing you harshly. You drape your arms around his neck. His hands slowly snake up your body to your jackets zip just under your chin. He slowly undoes it, as if giving you a chance to stop him if you wanted. His fingers grazed over your breasts again, making you arch into his chase touch. This encouraged him to undo the zip with more urgency. His hands slipped under your jacket and began to roam your body freely. From your sides up to your chest and down to your ass. You moan into the kiss, arching your back as you try to keep any amount of sanity you had. But his touch sent fire through your veins. Suddenly, Raph stops. Panting, he is frozen in place as he pull back from the kiss. “Is, is this okay?” he asks, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. “No.” you smirk. His eyes widen and you can see the fear in them. You go up on your tiptoes to wrap your arms around his shoulders. “I need more.” Your words broke him as he picks you up, your legs wrapping around his torso and heels hitting his shell as he attacks your necks with sloppy kisses. Occasionally you feel his teeth graze against your skin, making you let out a small, shock gasp but your hands are on the back of his head to stop him retreating. Raph pulls you away from the wall, and you cling to him. “Lets take this inside. Don’t want you getting frost bite on your fingers.” Rah teased as you pulled back to question him. Your apartment was on the top floor, so Raph only had to carry you down a single set of stairs that led to the roof and you were home. He put you down to open the door, but that didn’t mean he left you alone. As you fumbled with keys, he stood behind you, his hands on your hips. They slipped down, groping your ass before sliding up and around to your stomach. You just manged to open your door and you both slipped inside before you lost your mind. You pulled your coat off, hooking it up. But as you turned to lock your door again, he was behind you again. His cold fingers slipped under your top, making you almost drop the keys as you stifle a moan. Leaning back against him, he leaned down and kissed your neck, earning a moan from you. As his hands went further up your front, he rose your top with them, eventually cupping your breasts in his hands, the fabric of your top exposing your bra. His fingers hooked into the cups of your bra, pulling them down. Glancing at him, you saw his eyes glued to your now exposed breasts from over your shoulder. You smirked, pressing your body back against his own as you feel his hard member as it pressed up against your ass. the fabric of your top fell over your tits slightly, but Raph made quick work of pulling it off over your head. You used the moment to raise your arms and, once rid of the garment, you reached back and locked your arms around his neck. A small growl left his lips as his hands returned to your breasts before dropping further. He reached down, hooking his fingers in your waistband and pulling your jeans down, along with your panties. once they had pooled around your feet, you stepped out of them and spread your legs about 2 foot apart. Arching your back, you pushed you ass against his straining member. “Oh fuck.” Raph growled as he leaned down to press open mouth kisses to your neck again. He made quick work of your bra, which fell to the floor. His hands slowly roamed your body, eliciting moans of pleasure as he grinded against you. He seemed almost unsure at first. It was almost as if Raph had been more confident when you had had clothes on, but then again it could just be him wanting to savour the feeling of your bare flesh. “You just gonna grope me all night or are you actually gonna fuck me?” You look up at him through your eye lashes, and you see him suck in a breath before nodding. You twist around in his arms. “So, which one is it?” You press your naked body against him. “Fuck you.” He tries to say, his lets out a groan when you reach down between your bodies and gently cup his large cock through his red shorts. “Huh?” You ask, innocently. “Im gonna fuck you.” He manages to finish the sentence without moaning, but then he sees your shit eating smirk. Raph picks you up, making you let out an unexpected yelp as he carries you to your bedroom, chuckling. You weren’t going to let him get the best of you, so you started to kiss his neck, paying particular attention to the area between his jaw and neck. Your attention pays off, as he faulters, letting out a low moan as his head rolls to the side, allowing you more access. He seems to only be able to focus on your lips for a few moment before remembering his original reason for having you in his arms as he snaps back to reality and uses his foot to kick open your bedroom door and carries you inside. He kneels on the end on your bed before lowering you down as he stays on top of you. His lips find your own and Raph kisses you almost shy. You almost giggle into the kiss, considering the brazenness he had displayed in your hallways as he undressed you. When he does pull away again, you are left gasping for air. He groans a little as his eyes trail down your body and find your wet core pressed against the outline of his cock. He pushes against you, making you whimper as the fabric rubs against your clit, your eyes closing for a moment. Suddenly, the weight of him is lifted. You open your eyes and see him clambering off the bed to pull down his shorts. You couldn’t help but bite your lower lip as he crawls back over you. As before, he rubs himself against you, earning another whimper from you before he positions his tip at your entrance. He pushes inside you, his fingers digging into your flesh as his head hangs forward, his mouth open. A breathy moan leaves his lips as you are left without a voice, unable to breath as he fills you. His hips give small, involuntary thrusts as he tries to wait for your signal to continue, which you give him by rolling your hips against his own. Raph groans at he picks up a steady pace that satisfied you both for the time being. His gaze lowered to your breasts and he watched them move with every trust of his. Leaned down, kissing the valley between them as one of his hands left your side to reach up and playfully squeeze your left breast. You arching your back into his touch as he left a trail of kisses back up to your neck. He paid attention to the same area you had done when he had carried you to the bedroom, and you instantly understood why he had stopped. The spot made you weak as you shudder, his tongue and teeth grazing the area before pulling away. “You’re cruel.” You moan softly, drawing his attention to your eyes. He raises his head, his eyes flickering over your face as he increases the speed and instantly get the reaction he had hoped for. You throw your head back, mouth open as a moan escapes your lips. “You’re beautiful.” He groans, resting his forehead on your shoulder as he grabs your hips. “So, that’s how its gonna be?” you look back at him. “You get to be cruel and throw a compliment my way to keep me quiet?” “You’re not being quiet.” He smirks as he raises your hips slightly, adjusting his angle and pushing in deeper than before. Another moan leaves your lips before you could answer back, proving his point for him. “Cruel.” You groan, your fingers tangling in the sheets as you gasp a little. He simply smirks before leaning back down and kissing the same area again. And you tilt your head to the side, allowing him better access to it. Between the new angle and his lips, you were getting closer and closer to your end. You notice the grunts and growls falling from his mouth as his eyes flit across your body. He was close too. “Don’t stop. Please.” You managed to moan despite the fact you were a moaning mess beneath him. your words earn a moan from his lips as he pulls back, his hips snapping faster and faster. Until you could take no more. Your eyes roll into the back of your skull as your orgasm claims your body. As your body spasms and your walls pulse around him, Raph lets out a low groan before his hips snap into you, spilling himself with a few more thrusts. Raph very nearly collapses on top of you right then and there. He felt light headed and weak, but manages to keep himself from suffocating you. He crawls off you, lying to your side while the only sound was panting. When you come back from your high, you realize your mouth is incredibly dry. “Thirsty?” you offer, sitting up and looking to Raph. He nods, and you get up. Grabbing a dressing gown, you pull it over your naked form and tie the belt loosely around yourself before leaving the room. Apparently, Raph didn’t want to be alone or away from you, because you heard a few creaks of the floor and some fumbling and he came out of the bedroom with his shorts back on. He follows you to the kitchen, pausing in the living room. “Hey, you wanna watch a movie?” He suddenly asks, making you turn and look at him. He drops your eyes, turning his head to the side as he rung his hands. he seemed so unsure of himself, despite the fact you had just had sex not 5 minutes ago. But you didn’t laugh. Perhaps he thought you wouldn’t want him around anymore, or wouldn’t want to spend time with him, or this was only a one time thing. In truth, you didn’t know the answer to the last question, but you really hoped it wasn’t. “Sure. Why don’t you chose something and I’ll get us something to drink.” You smile sweetly and continue to the kitchen. You poured two glasses of water and grabbed a bag of popcorn you had been saving. With the bag under your arm and the glasses in each hand, you went back to the living room just as the TV came on and the logos appeared on screen. Raph sat on your sofa, smiling when you came in. giving him his glass, you threw the bag on the seat beside him before putting your glass on the side. “Where you gonna sit?” Raph suddenly asked, his eyes flickering from the few single seaters to the seat beside him. “Where do you want me to sit?” You asked, wondering if was trying to tell you something. “as close to me as possible.” His eyes flicked to the TV as a blush appeared on his cheeks again. Smiling, you were more than happy to accommodate him. Walking up to him, you sat on his lap, both your legs pulled to one side as you draped your arm around his neck. “Is this okay?” You asked innocently. “Yeah.” He beamed, his arms locking around you for a moment before one settled on your side and the other slipped under your dressing gown to your bare thigh. You giggle, pressing a kiss to his cheek before you reached for the remote and pressed play on the movie. At least you could pause it, because you had a feeling you would be going for a round 2 tonight. 

[voltagesmutter]

Lucien - ‘I want to look at you and not feel hurt’

A Lucien hurt piece (HOWEVER AFTER WRITING THREE OTHER HURT PIECES THIS ONE HAS A REALLY SOFT TRACE THROUGH IT BECAUSE I THINK WE DESERVE IT AFTER THE PAIN OF THE OTHER STORYS)

LUCIEN - ANGST/HURT

LUCIEN TURNING COLD ON OC BUT WHY?

You thought he was your soulmate, that you honestly met the man you wanted to spend the whole of your life with. That was until his attitude changed towards you, his sweet, charming personality became distant and harsh, pushing you away and you didn’t know what you had done.

“Lucien please!” You whined as he was ignoring you as he sat at his desk, typing away.

It would carry on for a few more weeks until you finally snapped.

“Will you tell me what is happening with you Lucien! I can’t take this anymore,” You sobbed, as he came in late once more from work. You took his hand and he finally, for what felt like forever looked down at you, but his eyes were cold, not like the warm ones you had grown to love.

“Lucien, please just tell me what is wrong, this is killing me,” You tremble. He takes your hands and sits on the sofa, unable to make eye contact with you. 

“I made a mistake, a really big mistake,”.

“Why, did something happen at work?” He chuckles ever so softly at your response, you hadn’t heard him laugh for weeks.

“You're too perfect, you know that,” As he squeezes your hands, “No, I have been a fool,”.

“Lucien, what is wrong?”.

“You remember that night we had argument…”. How could you forget? It was brutal, the pair of you at each others throat, yelling, screaming and crying. You had forgotten what it was about as it went on for so long, it was something about how much time Lucien spent at work and researching, how you never enjoyed yourselves together anymore. He had stormed out of your apartment, he re-appeared in the morning with a bunch of flowers. 

“Well… I wasn’t truthful where I went,”.

“Oh?” He took a gulp before holding your hands tightly.

“You know Cindy, my lab assistant…” He started and your heart almost stopped beating, praying what you thought wouldn’t come out of his mouth.

“I- I spent the night with her…” He trailed off, not at hers, but with her. 

“Y-you and Cindy…? You, did you?” You ask, your hands shaking and his silence gives you your answer.

“But the flowers… we, we had sex when you came home and you’d been with her hours before!” You yell, taking your hands away from his, tears falling from your eyes.

“I know and it was stupid of me, thats why I’ve been so distant, I don’t feel like I deserve you at all,” He whispers, his voice trembling slightly.

“I want you to leave,” You say closing your eyes not able to look at the man in front of you.

“Bella,”.

“Please leave,” Is all you can manage as you watch him stand up before leaving.

You waited until you heard the door shut before you burst into tears. He owned your heart and broke it into two, not only by cheating on you but also by treating you so coldly after, he made you feel like you had done something wrong when really it was him. Your heart was throbbing, replaying the previous five minutes in your head, all you could imagine was Lucien and her together. He touched her in places he touched you, he made her cry his name as you did, he gave her the pleasure that he only gave you and it crushed you. It hurt you beyond words.

It explained his cold attitude to you, why he had been so distant lately for reason but it didn’t justify it. You had never felt so alone, so hurt, you felt an anger toward Lucien like none before. You clutched the pillow tightly to you, sobbing against it before you passed out from exhaustion. It wasn’t until a buzzing woke you up the next morning.

“Kiro?” You answered wiping your stinging eyes, forgetting briefly the events of last night.

“Miss.Chips! How are you, are you almost ready? It’s the day of the festival,” He cheerfully yelled down the phone. Shit you completely forgot.

“Kiro, I’m really sorry but I cant,” You say and you feel your voice waver before the tears start once more.

“I’m going to go now, I’m sorry,” You say, trying to hold back your tears before ending the call and crying once more. It felt like someone had stabbed you in the heart and was constantly twisting the knife, it left you numb. You had been positive Lucien was the love of your life and this betrayal, it just hurt you in pain you never knew. You saw the paper crane Lucine had made for you, he had made you write your wish on it before folding it into shape, your heart instantly shattering. Grabbing the nearest thing that reminded you of him, a teddy bear he won for you at a festival, and threw it against the wall with a scream. You were angry and hurt, you had no idea how to cope with this feeling. 

You pulled yourself into the shower, scrubbing yourself of any of his scent and touch but it didn't work, you could still feel his touch ghosting over you. Drying off there was a knock at the door.

“Lucien, I dont want to see you!” You yelled.

“It's me Miss.Chips!” The sweet voice of Kiro yelled and you opened the door, there he stood with dozens of snacks in his hands, you almost couldn’t see his head over the pile in his arms. You let him in and explained everything, crying once more for the 100th time within 24 hours. Kiro vowed to cheer you up, you spent the day playing games, watching cheesy movies and eating your feelings. 

“Maybe you should speak to him?” Kiro finally talking about Lucien and you shook your head.

“I’d rather sit and eat my ice cream,” As you spooned another mouthful into your mouth as he chuckled.

“I just want to get away from all this,” You add, looking around your apartment, knowing Lucien practically lived here and when he didn’t he was only meters away next door. 

“Why don’t you come on tour with me! It’s perfect, we’d be travelling across Europe together, what do you say Miss.Chips!” He says with his eyes wide.

“I can’t just pack up my jobs Kiro, as nice as it would be!” You smile and chuckle.

“Well do you have holiday? Oh please Miss.Chips, I’d personally pay for you to come and stay with me,” He insisted as you opened a bottle of wine, you needed it to numb your senses of Lucien. 

By the end of the night you was passing out on your sofa, Kiro helped you into bed, admiring the sight of you peacefully sleeping. He knew you was hurting deeply and it hurt him to see you so broken and lost, not his usual Miss.Chips. He sat on the sofa and pulled out a blanket from behind, he wanted to stay and ensure everything was okay. 

You woke to a wave of nausea and a throbbing head, how much did you drink? You ran to your bathroom before throwing up, you felt dreadful. You froze when you saw Kiro was in your kitchen, did he stay over?

“Morning Miss.Chips!” He cheerfully sung and you groaned in response, everything hurt.

“Too loud,” You groaned as you covered your head with your arms as you sat the kitchen counter, trying to block out any light and noise. You was too sensitive for this. 

“Ah, ah Miss.Chips, today we’re going to speak to Mr.Li to sort out this tour,” He chimed and you lifted your head up slightly.

“You was serious about that?”.

“As serious as I am about making you a delicious breakfast,” You couldn’t help but cringe watching him make a sugary concoction. You got into the shower and freshened up as Kiro worked on breakfast.

“Kiro, shall we just grab something out?” You asked as he presented you with a bowl of cereal topped with biscuits, candy chunks and sugar, even looking at it made you feel sick from sweetness. Kiro chuckled and agreed.

“Soooo, what did he say!” Kiro beamed as you came out of Victors office.

“Okay so I have the rest of this week off,” You had booked it off to spend time with Lucien, “Then I can take a few months off, if you let me document the tour with you and produce a segment documentary for it”. You wouldn’t tell Kiro but you broke down in-front of Victor when he commented how broken you looked, maybe he pitted you which is why he let you have this time off. He despised Lucien and vise versa, both of them stating how bad the other way for you, so maybe he was letting you go to free yourself from Lucien?

“Okay the last step for today is,” Kiro says, as he takes your hand, “You need to talk to Lucien” but you shook your head.

“Kiro, we only broke up two days ago,”.

“Bella, you need to just talk to him, besides you need to get rid of this,” He says as his hands reach up and graze the necklace you were wearing. You forgot about it, it was what Lucien had brought you and your hand clutched to it. 

You stood in front of Luciens office, taking a deep breath before knocking and entering.

“Luci-,” You said as you walked in, seeing Lucien with her sitting opposite him. Anger took over and your stomach looped in knots, you never expected to see her. 

“Bella wait!” Lucien called after you as you went to turn back. You stepped into his office, unable to look at either of them, you bit your lip hard to stop the tears from falling from your eyes. It hurt to even look at him. He dismissed her, she was also crying and sniffling as she left the office.

“What did you pet want,” You hissed, folding your arms over your chest.

“I actually fired her,” He responded and your arms dropped. You shut your eyes before opening them and in front of you stood Lucien, you almost got lost in his scent, you could feel his breath inches away from your face.

“Bella, I’m so sorry,” He whispered, his eyes searching for yours until they met. His charcoal eyes were broken, you could see the pain in them.

“I, I’m going away for a few months,” You said with a swallow, “I’ve already packed your stuff into boxes, they're ready for you to just move them,”. 

“Your going away?” And you nod. 

“Please don’t, stay we can work this out,” He whispers as he cups your face, the tears cascading down your cheeks as your eyes meet.

“I want to be able to look at you, and not feel so hurt by you,” You say with a deep breath before taking his hand and placing the necklace in his hand, wrapping his fingers over it, “Goodbye Lucien”. 

The next five months were the best time of you life, you and your best friend travelling and touring across Europe. You got a backstage pass to every concert, taking remarkable footage and interviews for your work. The days Kiro was off you spent it enjoying your free time, mainly exploring the area, historic landmarks, theme parks and all the food you feast your eyes upon. It was difficult at first, you were still heartbroken over Lucien and cried yourself to sleep a lot, until Kiro couldn’t bear it. He knocked on your door one night and you let him in, he coddled you as you cried into his chest and from then on you never slept alone, Kiro shielding you from the pain.

 At first it was innocent your time together, until one day you was sat on the beautiful beach front of a private beach in Greece when Kiro snuck up behind you.

“Hey Miss.Chips, you enjoying the sun?” He asked.

“Yeah it’s proper lush,” You smiled before gasping slightly, feeling something around your neck you look down, Kiro had placed a blue gemmed necklace on you.

“Kiro…” You whispered, tearing up slightly and turned to face him. He was sat there, pure love and admiration beaming from his eyes as he looked at you before leaning in. You leaned into him and you shared a sweet tender kiss between you. 

From then on you became the ultimate couple, best friends and lovers, any trace of Lucien was left behind. That was until you returned home.

“Don’t run Kiro! I have the key to get in!” You giggle as the pair of you run up the stairs to your front door.

“I win, now where my prize?” He chuckles as he pushes you against the door, your lips meeting and you wrap your arms around his neck. A light cough interrupted you, Kiro turned and held you behind him to see Lucien standing outside his door.

“Your back?” He asks.

“We are,” Kiro answering for you. 

“I was talking to Bella,”.

“She has nothing to say to you, anything you want to say can be said to us both,”. Your heart raced, but not for Lucien, for Kiro. Lucien had betrayed you with a co-worker after an argument, treated you awful for weeks as if it was your fault! Kiro, Kiro was perfection, he lived to make you happy, he could never do enough for you. 

“Honey it's okay,” You perk up and stroke Kiro’s arm giving him a sweet smile.

“I just wanted to say how sorry I am for everything… I kept the memory crane I made you...” Lucien trailed off. 

“I’m glad it happened, otherwise I’d still probably be sat wondering what I did wrong,” You say shaking your head, Lucien looking hurt at your words. 

“Anyway, we need to get going, we need to pack up someones things before the moving truck gets here,” Kiro chuckles, his hand moving to hold your waist. 

“You're moving?” Lucien asks, slightly shocked and you nod.

“In with me,” Kiro adds before picking you up bridal style and carrying you into your apartment for the first and last time before the pair of you emptied your apartment. Lucien suffered in silence the whole you was away, he tried to reach out to you but it was impossible as you had blocked his contacts. He was shamed and humiliated for what he did to you and how he treated you. Knowing he let you slip away from him made it unbearable to go. He had waited for you to come back, keeping the memory crane as a symbol of his love for you and hope you could fix the mess he had caused. If he was scientifically smart enough to know it was impossible, he would have said his heart stopped beating the minute he let you fall from his side. But hearing Kiro’s words and seeing you so happy with him, almost did make his heart stop from the pain. All he wanted was to have you back by his side, he would do whatever it takes. 

“Well then, welcome home Miss.Chips,” He beamed as he picked you up and again and carried you into his, now yours, apartment.

[seongwhy]

ateez reaction the their crush making the first move

hongjoong

hongjoongie !!! would be so happy !!! that you felt that way about him !!!!

he didnt make a move bc he didnt wanna make u uncomfy :(( so he disregarded his feelings for u

unknowingly to him, u like him back !!!

but since this lucky man didnt get the hint (and with all the touching and attempted flirting you're surprised he didnt)

you decided you had to make the first move

but being all nervous and shi ,, you gotta plan it out

just like hongjoong u dont wanna make him uncomfy !! yall the same mfs

so what u planned to do was grab some takeout and bring it to hongjoong when hes producing an chat him up an shit

and once u get to his place and have him all alone your heart starts racing

and so does his !!

and you're eating and laughing and has showing you a beat he just made

and you put your hand on his leg and hes like big eyes blushing and his mouth drops a lil

and you're like 'this is rlly good hongjoongie' bITHX HES CRYIGN

IM CRYING

and you lean in and kiss him on the corner of his mouth and hes just

'o-oh thank you' he says

and u smile at him and ask him to show you more

he takes a second to recover but blushes even more

and ur ready to kiss him til he stops blushing

so u do

but he doesnt

seonghwa

seonghwa tries his best ok

he just really likes you

so he ends up stuttering and tripping and literally falling for you

like oh one time he was trying to bring you water and he got too excited and was running and some of the water from the full glass fell on the floor and he just slid right on that shit

thank god you had your back turned talking to yunho bc holy shit he didnt know what hed do if u saw that

but the rest of the boys will never let him live that down

'hyung, remember when u fell trying to get water fo-' 'shut up wooyoung'

but seonghwa is just a shy lil boy around you fam

and it's not like you didnt notice bc hed be rlly chill rlly calm and funny when he doesnt know you're around

and then he sees you and hes all 'o-oh hi I'm going to go w-wash the dishes' he cleans when hes stressed

and when u ask the boys what's up w him they're like '..... are u dumb'

anyway after that it was just so obvious

youd catch him staring and make eye contact and hed look away so fast

but you didnt miss dem red ass cheeks

and you honestly like the attention he gives you

and when he gains a little confidence around you and makes a joke or does girl group dances or smth

you cant resist him

so one day you go over to the dorm and tell all the boys that they're all gonna have to leave so that u can get seonghwa to yourself

and they reluctantly agree bc 'but I'm tireddddd'

and when seonghwa gets home hes like . where is everyone.

and you're like 'oh them??? they just went to the store to get snacks I'm sure theyll be back soon come watch this show w me'

and hes like ,,, right

and you're just smiling and nodding and patting the seat next to you

so he sits obviously sweating

and you're watching this show and hes watching you

with every laugh nd movement his stomach coils a lil

and after a bit you look at him

and you're looking at each other

and you're eyes are watching his lips and you just say yolo and go for it

hes taken aback at first but leans into it

and you're a rlly good kisser

then you pull back nd hes looking at you with the prettiest smile on the prettiest face you've ever seen

'thank u' he says 'for what?' 'for that'

'just kiss me again dummy'

yunho

puppy!! lil baby boy!!!

ok so like the first part , let's say you two have been besties for a while now

and it's just a mutual attraction and mutual liking ykno

but yunho doesnt want to mess up the friendship you guys have by trying anything

the members are all 'bruh she likes you back' and hes like 'nuh-uh you're lying'

like.... they told u sis

and one day wooyoung tells you like.. listen sis yunho has a crush on you but he refuses to do anything abt it bc hes worried itll ruin your friendship that I wouldnt even call a friendship bc of all the sexual tension but wtvr

and you slap him across the chest for that last part but

wait,,, yunho has a crush on you ?????

'are u sure ???' 'yes, bITCH ARE U BLIND'

blind w love babyyyyyyyy

this is groundbreaking news bc what the heck your longtime crush and bff likes you back !!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

so one day bc you guys are honestly just so comfy around each other and you've been holding back for so long theres no reason to delay this any longer

you walk up to his room where the door is closed and knock on it (u guys have a special knock)

and he opens and you latch onto him and kiss him

tangling your hand in his hair and clutching the shirt hes wearing

and he immediately kisses you back

no hesitation

but then

'guys. I'm still in here. like im happy for u but god just do a quick room check next time will ya' san says walking out of the room shaking his head

you both blush and turn to look at each other

yall laugh then shrug your shoulders and yunho says 'are u sure abt this? I dont want to wreck what we have'

'I'm more excited about what we're gonna have baby' you say, and he smiles, nods and leans in to kiss you again hehehehehe

yeosang

ok dis man loves his chocolate

and you know that so .. you decide to make him sum desserts!! a whole bunch

bc you LIKE HIM

and u want him to LIKE YOU

and the best way to get yeosang to fall for u is by giving him chocolate right

but what you didnt know is that he already likes you (shocker!!!)

so you bake up some brownies and cookies and cupcakes and idek other chocolate tings

and bring them all over to the dorm for him to try

and hes so excited !! 'chocolate!!! for me !!!!'

'yes !! all for u yeosangie'

he just looks as you in awe and love

and picks up a fork ready to take a bite

he stops tho and looks at you and licks his lips

and you blush but laugh

and he puts the food in his mouth and just dies because its SO GOOD

and hes just mouth open eyes wide 'holy shit'

'what?? you dont like it'

'nonononono I LOVE IT'

and he runs around the kitchen counter and hugs you so tight

'thank you!! this is amazing!!' he says looking directly into your eyes

'youre amazing' you say

'what?' he says 'o-oh nothing nothing I didnt say anything'

',,,, you just called me amazing !!! omg YOU JUST CALLED ME AMA-'

hes cut off by you pressing your mouth against his

he pulls away and says 'what was that for?'

'I had to get you to shut up somehow'

yeosang laughs and leans down towards you but gets cut off again!!!! this time with a 'omg are these cookies??????'

',,, get out mingi'

san

bruh yunho looks so funny wtf

sannie is such a happy boy :(

his life goal is making you laugh or smile

he just wants u to be happy!!! and his smile is so contagious!!!

and that's why you fell for him

and now everytime he makes u laugh or smile or smth a lil bit of a blush creeps up your cheeks

san doesnt seem to notice tho but you're ok with that

n e way

yall get along rlly well

hes the reason you're at the dorm every friday night for movie night

and someone chooses a horror movie

its scawwy

and san (tho also scared) sits next to you so he can whisper jokes to u throughout the movie

through hushed giggles and smiles at one another u realize u wanna be in a relationship w this guy

and the next time you're at the dorm, you decided nows the time to make it happen

but when u see san he doesnt seem like himself hes slouched down on the couch cuddling with his stuffed animal staring at the tv screen with nothing playing

when he sees you walk over to him he perks up a lil but not like he usually would

so u sit next to him and ask what's wrong

he fiddles his thumbs and doesnt look at you

so u rub his shoulder and put your other hand on his thigh and ask him again

this time he just looks at you

'I'm sorry' he says

'for what?' 'you're not smiling and it's my fault'

'san!!!! it's ok you dont have to be happy all the time!!!! especially not for me'

his head hangs and he sighs

you lift his head and kiss him slightly

'its ok' you whisper

instead of saying anything back, he leans his forehead to yours

you kiss him again

and again on his lips cheeks forehead nose hands

and by the end of it hes shyly smiling

'there it is!! theres my boy'

he hugs you and for the rest of the day you stay snuggled up on the couch

that day it was up to you make him smile

and you did !!!

mingi

mingo mango

the gif is what he looks like whenever you're near him

hes always whining for you whenever you're not

and when hongjoong sent you a video of mingi doing just that you though it was the funniest thing ever

'I wish y/n was here you're all a bunch of losers' 'you guys suck!!! I miss y/n'

freakin hilarious

this is something u love making fun of him for

liek damn mingi am I that special? I didnt know u liked me that much? u got a crush on me mango?

and u notice that whenever you ask that question, no matter how much of a joke it is, he never gives you an answer

but u dont rlly think about it until you start developing a crush on him

at first it's like,, oh what a baby hes so cute eating the food I made for him

and then it's like wow I wish he would dance on me like dat me too sis

and then u start complaining whenever hes not around 'wheres mingi?? I've been waiting for like an hour' nd 'ykno what would make this even better? mingi'

and everyone is like ok we get it u like mingi

and when mingi catches whiff of this oh boy it's over for you

'so ig it's me that's special now huh?' he tells you one night

'what?' 'u gotta crush on meeeeeee y/n's gotta crush on mingiiii'

and you roll your eyes because . idiot

but then step closer to him and say 'maybe I do'

and that's when his eyes go wide 'wait rlly???' he asks and you can hear the hope in his voice

'all I'm saying is that if you kissed me rn I wouldnt be opposed' is what you say back

and kiss you he does

wooyoung

ok so wooyoungie and u

have such blatant chemistry

yall are constantly flirting and idk yall just click

but u dont notice it

I mean u see the eyebrow wiggles and sly smiles some of the members give u

but all that does is confuse you

one day when wooyoung is in the washroom yunho says 'so you nd wooyoung huh?'

and you're like ...huh

yunhos like 'u dont like him? all yall do is flirt'

and when he says that a whole wall came down in your head

a wall blocking you from accessing emotions of attraction and love and shit you're emotionally scared sis

and you turn firetruck red

yunho just laughs and says 'I knew it'

wooyoung comes back and asks what's going on

'I'll just leave u two alone' yunho says chuckling

you glare at him as he leaves youre gonna get him back for that

but wooyoung doesnt sense anything and swings his arm around your shoulders pulling you into him

and he asks what you wanna do for the night

but you're quiet and distracted with these new feelings you've just found out you have

wooyoung asks if you're okay

and you look up at him but suddenly cant look at him in his eyes. his really pretty eyes

so you turn around and go to grab your stuff bc you 'forgot abt that... thing' you have to do

wooyoung, confused watches you scurry across the room

'uh.. ok.. I'll see you tomorrow?'

'yeah yeah see you' you say not looking at him

you just need to figure your feelings out and then you can see him again

so back home you're racking your brain tryna figure out if theres anything you can do to stop yourself from falling in love w wooyoung

and speak of the devil, u get a call from wooyoung

u contemplate not picking up but decide that wooyoung is still your best friend

'hello?' 'y/n!!! are you ok?? you left really suddenly earlier' 'yeah wooyoung I'm fine dw'

'are you sure? we dont want the prettiest person alive to feel sad now do we?'

you open your mouth to say something back but nothing comes out

'y/n?'

you feel the heat rise to your cheeks as you ask 'are you still free?'

'uh for u? always'

blushing even harder now you say 'I'm coming over' and end the call

once you get there you're knocking on the door frantically

wooyoung opens up with a 'jeez y/n what's the ru-'

you basically jump on him and kiss him hard

you latch your hands onto his shirt nd he wraps his hands around your waist

when you pull away for air, wooyoungs looking at you with a smile on his puffy red lips

you smile back and say 'that was the rush'

wooyoung smiles harder and pulls you back into him

'took you long enough'

jongho

jongho cant believe u two have met

you're one of his favourite new idols

and you met at a show

and you told him how amazing ateez's performance was

blushing, he tells you how much he likes your music

you ask him if hes hungry to which he says yes bc 1) hes always hungry and 2) he cant say no to u ever

so u buy him one of those sandwiches w the jam and the coleslaw or wtvr you know what I'm talking about

and you sit to talk and eat for a while before you have to leave

you ask for his number and tell him you'll call him sometime

and you do

all the time

at first hes shy and boyish which makes you laugh

but after a while he gets comfy and will brag and sing to you and joke

you guys catch each other up on everything

he tells you all about the boys and the boys all about you

and you realise how good a listener this guy is nd how handsome!! and cute

and so at the next show you see him at you walk up to him

and with your heart doing flips and take his hand and tell him to walk around with you

he does and you lead him to a less busy hallway where you just look at him and say 'I like you'

jonghos like... wait. huh. what. wait i- and hes blushing so much even his ears turn red

'me? you like me? bc I like you too and if you're joking or something I would be really sad and I've told the members that I like you and they made fun of me so this would be great of u did like me but if you dont and this is a joke id be really upset' and hes rambling and not looking you in the eye

so you lean in and kiss him

'it's not a joke' you say

'its,, not a joke? are you sure?' 'I'm sure'

'you're sure' 'are you going to keep repeating everything I say? or are u gonna kiss me again?'

jongho, blushing even harder now, chooses the second option

[shhhnottom]

I Got Bored. Here's A Book

Just a quick warning before we actually start this mass roller coaster of bullshit. If you are easily offended, feel free to stop and reverse your hand to the home page.

Also, this is not a story of any kind. It's just a random bunch of subjects that mean something to me and I ramble on about. I drank quite a lot whilst typing 90% of this and watched a fair amount of Netflix

Just take a look at these chapters. I think you could see where this is going to go:

Depression

Anxiety

Television

Self Harm

Procrastination

One Word Chapter

Didn't See That Coming?

Swearing

Panic Attacks

The End?

Just another warning, there will be a fair amount of swearing in this so if you want to censorit out, feck off. It's safer, trust me.

Depression

Yeah, lets start off dark. That seems like it's going to be a great plan. Let's face it, everyone has their bad days. Try to lie, I dare you. I have mine and they get me to a point where I just want to throw myself into a keg of ale and a couple bottles of whiskey. Has to be the good stuff, otherwise my sadness is made more sad. I mean, who wants to depressed and drink a bottle of Tesco value blended shite when there is a long list that will make you feel slightly better, like Jameson's, Tullamore Dew and Paddy's. Yeah, I went straight for the Irish whiskeys, sue me.

Anyway, after my lengthy dabble with the art of drinking myself into a coma every night, waking up for work in the morning, finishing work and continue to drink, I decided that I need to ruin all of the relationships I have built over the years with a combination of heartfelt insults and trying to throw myself into traffic when they are looking. I'm a lovely person, aren't I?

What I decided to do after several attempts on my own life, well two attempts anyway, is to take the fucking hint and realise I'm not supposed to die. Did you know, that therapy is actually effective and gets you to the place where you feel a lot better and not suicidal any more. You see, it's almost as if the doctors who say you are depressed and need therapy are speaking the truth. Who knew? You know what I found doesn't really help. If you decide that you don't need therapy and that finding pictures of celebrities who have decided to end their own lives and post that shit to Facebook, saying that “Even The Happiest People Are Sad”. Its almost like they decide, before they leave the house, that they don't want people on the outside who have cameras and social media accounts to take pictures of them whilst they are having a bad day, and post it all over the fucking place. Fucking hell, I went to therapy for a year before realising that I'm just a massive idiot and if I thought a little bit differently, I could get over all of that nonsense that was going on inside my head. I, now, look at my depression like its one big fucking meme and take the piss out of myself because that's how I can deal with it. I mean, I don't read books and here I am fucking writing one.

The main reason why I look so differently at depression now is because of the millennials who think because something hasn't gone their way, they have to post shit over social media complaining about how hard life is. You haven't even hit 20 yet, you pricks. Wait until you get to 25 or 30 and come to realise “I'm in a dead end job, going nowhere and I have no money”. Oh Jaysus, wait until that comes along. You will think that not getting laid in that shitty club is a holiday.

I mean, there are some great positives to come out of having depression, going to therapy and getting to a point where you are comfortable with living the life you have been given. I, myself have reconnected with people who I thought I had lost, through my incessant need to push them away. I have a better relationship with my parents, now that we have started communicating properly again. I am a lot less selfish, and have developed  a form of empathy I had no idea I had inside. I've even tried to help some people in their times of need, when they were feeling at their worst. I once wrote a letter to someone to try to make them stop going down the same road I went down:

“I have this incessant need to do stupid things to hurt myself

I have broken my hand multiple times to avoid mental harm but have inflicted physical harm on myself

I have destroyed possible relationships in the desire to remain alone, to stop myself inflicting my mental harm upon others

I have kept myself busy in order to stop myself from pursuing a premature non existence”

Told you before that I was a lovely person.

It turns out that maybe, my experiences, aren't as bad as other peoples. It might also turn out that your experiences aren't as bad as mine but I'm not going to presume. Hopefully, you've enjoyed the first chapter, I have no idea what's going to happen in the next few chapters, mainly because I haven't written them yet.

Anxiety

Disclaimer,

I was fucking hammered and heavily depressed writing this chapter and tried to write it completely in the 3rd person. Enjoy.

Have you ever noticed when people get really offended they decide to inhale very dramatically and hold their chest as if they have been hurt so badly that their heart has been hurt? Imagine if those people develop a heart condition. You'll never be able to tell if they eventually do have a heart attack or if you've just told a really funny joke.

Just to reiterate, “this book” is just my thoughts written down whilst I have a couple of drinks and watch Netflix.

Someone once told me that a persons feelings are subject to the person they are. I know people that are massively bitter and their stomachs always hurt. All they do is moan about what other people do or think and then constantly moan that they are ill.

Here Tom, isn't this chapter about anxiety? I'm fucking getting to it. Chill the fuck out.

Getting back to what I was saying before I was rudely interrupted. This person also told me that they get a sore throat every time they want to say something but they force themselves not to. Can you imagine what that's like? To not say what it is you want to say, just to not offend people.

I get super anxious around people who are better than me. I know someone who is literally the most caring person I have ever met. They care more about other people and how they feel than they do about how their life is going. Another thing I get anxious about is when I  think that I've not accomplished what I thought I would have done by this point. I mean, I could claim that I was from a broken home, had to move from my home country to another and had to start my life from square one but I, then, realise that there are so many more people that go through that and I'm not special.

I've just poured another glass of whiskey. Its just about a half a glass. This shit is difficult to write about, can you tell?

If you haven't noticed yet, I like to make stupid jokes just to pass off that I'm OK in the head. “shakes head dramatically”. I put that in because you cant physically see me and I'm shit at drawing my head shaking.

I know a lot of people who smoke an arse tonne of weed just to get over their anxieties. Have you ever smoked weed? That shit is scary. I remember one time, New Year I think, I was working. Showed up at 10am, was supposed to be on until 6pm but it was so quiet that I got sent home after 2 hours. I went to the nearest town and drank like half a bottle of whiskey, well Jack Daniels. Does that count as whiskey? Its basically sugar with some ethanol. Along with several pints of beer and a shit burger from a Wetherspoons. Anyway, after drinking myself into a stupid comatose state where I was still somewhat functioning, myself and one of my friends went back to his house and he broke out the weeds, the green, the marry Joanna. After quite a lot of smoking and a bit more drinking I decided I needed to rest my eyes for a moment, just a single moment. Suddenly, I felt slightly ill in the stomach. I remember saying to him, “If you don't get a bucket, I'll throw up all over your floor”. However the video suggests something different. Yeah, there's a video. It goes something like this: “mmmmmmmmmmm mumuumumumu bucket muumuu floor”. The point is, there was a massive stain on his bedroom carpet for 6 months after. He didn't let it go. At all. The bastard.

That whole story doesn't explain how weed doesn't help my anxiety but I ran out of shit to say and I thought that would break some tension. Hopefully.

I'm currently listening to a song that tells you how to kill yourself. Yeah, this got dark really quick. Although, it has a great message. Don't rely on pop stars to write a song that will resonate with your feelings. Lady Gaga doesn't care if someone found her lyrics about the paparazzi inspirational enough to make them not kill themselves. (There are many pop stars out there who do the same thing, Lady Gaga was just the first person who came to mind). They've made their money, after that they just carry on making new “inspirational songs” and go on a new tour, make more money and the cycle continue. I listen to Twenty One Pilots' album Vessel when I feel really anxious. Seriously, those guys write about what they feel instead of what some songwriter thinks what other people feel.

Hey Tom, how are you going to bring this chapter out of the hole its in? You expect me to be funny and make a point? Nah,Nah,Nah,Nah,Nah,Nah,Nah,Nah,Nah,Nah,Nah....Hey Jude.

I've been at this chapter for too long now. I'm fucking done. Good luck understanding this mess I've just read this back. I mean, seriously, if you've got through this well done.

Television

Ah now for fucks sake. Who's idea was it to put in Television as a chapter? Mine? Nah, doesn't sound right. I'm not that fucked up to put this in here. I mean I'd put in music or video games. I'm more interested in those than I am in TV. Fine, Fucking, Fine. I'll talk about this stupid subject. I mean, fuck me. Dumb ass.

At this current moment in time I am watching the second season of Jack Ryan and I can conclusively say that I am not disappointed. Two episodes in and it has been a massive thrill ride. I mean, to go into Venezuela at the current moment is brave just to film a TV show. They must have spent more money picking the safest place to film there than it cost to pay the actors. I could imagine that John Krasinski isn't that cheap to hire after the first series and after the US Office. Not including his directorial debut in the Quiet Place. Magnificent.

I've also watched the Netflix series Daybreak about a dirty bomb going off in L.A and only people under the age of 18 surviving. Very clever concept for a show, and the fact that they managed to film in parts of L.A is even more impressive for a small time TV show.

3 paragraphs I managed to get through before getting to a point. I decided to throw on the last thing I was watching on Netflix to emphasise said point. Yeah, I'm watching the last series of How I Met Your Mother. DONT START. Seriously, I know. Up until the last 2 episodes it was OK. It was a great story overdone by bad direction.

4 paragraphs, look at me.

OK, by this time, I'm sure you're getting it. TV is a great way to distract yourself from the real world. A great way to distract from your problems in the world. I mean, you've got to find the right show for you but there are so many out there at the moment and so many ways to watch them. There will always be people who say that you shouldn't waste your time sat and watching TV, go do something with yourself. Just imagine what those people do when they get in from their days at work. They come home, sit in an empty chair and look at their walls. I mean, they could be reading a book. Preferably, this one. Or maybe not, but my point is still valid. You could read your books and force your brain to imagine the world that the book is coming to or you could spend the time to celebrate the people that have done that before you and decided to 'Do something with themselves' and make their favourite book into a magnificent visual performance. I mean, at this point, I have switched to the modern Sherlock Holmes series, which as everybody knows is brought to life from the many stories written by Arthur Conan Doyle. This TV show is 90 minutes long per episode and is very entertaining, so you never seem to notice that the time goes by. This means that if you are feeling a certain way at the start of the show, there is a 90 minute period where your feelings could change, your opinion of the world could change.

OK, I have nothing left to rant about here. If I were to speak about another music or video games I would have been here for another 6 pages but I figured your time would be spent better here.

I mean I wrote the names of the chapters before I wrote the actual chapters themselves so you're as stuck as I am with what gets written. I could change this but where's the fun in that.

Good luck reading the next chapter. I promise, I will be completely hammered writing it because I'm going to continue writing after this chapter. I am currently on the verge of tears now so, I guess good luck to me too. Thank you for reading up to this point if you have. I've tried to keep it fun but now I'm into serious mode.

Self Harm

Hey people, lets enter dark mode. I mean every other company on the planet has already done it. I mean, apart from Facebook but those bastards let political propaganda through, so I guess that counts.

I mean, that's the shortest joke I've told so far so, for the people that know me, know that this will be a bastard of a chapter. And also ,for people that know me will also be looking at this chapter going, 'He's not seriously going to talk about this, is he?' Yeah, that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Over the last five years, there have been several moments I am ashamed of. All of which are my own fault. I once launched an egg at someone because the oil that I was supposed to put it in splashed at me.

Did you know that even talking about a certain subject can sometimes bring up feelings you hate? Coming to realise that.

I fell for a woman. Gorgeous, smart, beautiful. We had a lot in common. She was my perfect equal apart from she was caring and humble about it. I'm an arrogant bastard. She was single at the time and I thought I had some form of chance to win her over not knowing everything about her. At this time, I was a very possessive person. I would have done anything to be with her. I let this attribution take control of me at the worst time. I wanted to play the long game, get to know her and eventually ask her out. I went out for drinks with a friend one night. Got absolutely rat arsed. I found out, that night, that she had been asked out by somebody else and she had accepted. I didn't know her very well by this point but because of my possessive compulsion, I took this very personally. It was neither of their fault, just myself.

Some time had passed and I was trying to prove my self worth to this woman. She was still with the same man and I was still jealous. Another night, another time these people were around me, another time that I tried to make it about me.

9 shots of tequila later. 9 exactly. Someone kept count by keeping a tally on my arm. In marker, before you get to excited. I'm not sure of how many other drinks on top but it was 9 tequilas. Anyway, I'd had some minor thoughts in the past of how my life should end but that night my head went into overload. You know, that summer was so bad for me I don't even know if this was the same night. Anyway, after some time and a lot of drinks later, I figured that this was the end of the night for me. Well, end of something for me. I had decided that this was the last straw for my bad luck in this world.

There is a point where half the people I know think a certain habit started but in actual fact this story is where my habit actually began. Everyone has their own stories, where they cut their wrists to fill some form of void, to feel. There are some people who look for it sexually, unfortunately I'm not the lucky. I decided this night out of pure frustration to pull said woman aside, point at a wall and told her that was how I felt when I was around her at that point. I was a brick wall. I wanted noting else at the time to kill that brick wall. So, what I did next is, by far the thing I regret the most. Out of everything I've ever done and believe me, I've done some bad shit. Over and over again, I punched that wall until I could no longer feel my hand and then, I carried on until I broke my hand and then, I carried on until somebody pulled me away from the wall. By this time, I had broken my hand in 2 places, I was bleeding all over the place and I had broken every friendship I had built and every relationship I had hoped to build. I think the most embarrassing thing for me was, the person who bandaged me up was the person who had the balls to ask the woman I had fallen for. Could you imagine? This was the person I had blamed for driving me to the place I was. He helped bandage me up and the woman who I had fallen for was consoling me and trying to help me get through what was in my head. I could not take this. In my head, I would never be able to recover from this. I continued for another 18 months to cut myself, punch walls, headbutt walls, kick and break my hand and other bones in my body. I was always in a mental state where I never thought that I was good enough until I decided that enough was enough.

Surprisingly, when people say that therapy works, they are telling the truth. Big wow. I think its safe to say I am definitely stupid enough to continue writing this nonsense. Well there's a few more chapter so lets see where we end up.

Procrastination

OK so its been a solid 2 months since I wrote the last chapter, which is long enough by anyone's standards, but for me, being the stubborn prick that I am, is no time at all. I mean, I can not do something for an extended period of time. It took me a year to launch a business I could have launched in 6 months only because I changed my mind on whether or not I wanted to start the bastard thing in the first place. It took me spending a grand on my first design to actually say, “Yeah, I'm in too fucking deep here to pull out”.

I've gone through 90% of my life not doing things when they needed to be done in favour of doing them the very last second, mostly because I was scared that they would never work out in the way that I wanted them to and that I would constantly be they failure I feared I always would be. I never believed that anything I was doing was worth the time or effort to do. I decided at the very end of college that I wanted to go to university but by the time I had decided this, it was too late to take seriously and I missed out. I did 3 years in college whilst everybody around me only did 2 because of this. Still, I never went to university so I guess that third year was pointless but the point was that I spent so much time on the internet playing online games instead of revising for exams and concentrating on my coursework.

This got very serious when it got suggested to me that I might need to go to therapy to sort out what was going on inside my head. I kept telling people that I would go eventually because I never though that I was “that” bad but going by what you have read in the previous chapters proves that I made the mistake of putting it off. Big woop. I did go in the end but it took some serious relationship breakdowns, quite a few broken bones and the attraction to my inevitable early grave to accomplish.

I think the message here is to not be afraid of what you thin will fail. Give what you want a try and if it fails, get back up and try it again in a different way. Never give up on something if you really want it to happen and listen to the people who you care about, who also care about you. Especially when they are telling you something is wrong and they are concerned.

One Word Chapter

Vukei

Didn't See That Coming?

Yeah, you probably should have seen that one coming. Its literally called a one word chapter.

It took me two minutes to choose the word. I had an unlimited choice to go with across multiple languages, so me being me went for the most obscure language of Fijian. What does the word mean? Do I look like Google?

There is no moral to this chapter. I just needed to fill in a gap to make this “book” look more full than it actually is. I mean, the moral could be that I've got to a point where I am comfortable enough to actually start doing what I say I am going to and then do it. I still get people telling me to do the most ridiculous things and saying that I will never do them because of the person I used to be. Imagine the look on their faces when I actually come through with the goods. I started a joke with a friend where , when we worked together, we would always listen to Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus whilst we worked and when we stopped working together, whenever the song came, we would SnapChat the other whilst the song was on. We said that this wouldn't last long so I personally made sure that the joke carried on. At the time of this being written we haven't worked together for over a year and the joke is still going.

Swearing

Welcome to this shit storm of a chapter. Do you ever notice that when you hurt yourself in a bad way you cant help but swear. That's because it releases a small amount of dopamine into your brain to help ease the situation you are in and stops some pain in the process. Weird, right? I'm in the strange occupation of chef where I am constantly getting burnt, cut and verbally abused in different languages, so swearing is one of those things that helps with the day to day survival of working in kitchens. I could fall into one of the other 5 habits that a chef develops as a result of the stupid work that we have to do. Those habits being:

Drug Abuse

Alcohol Abuse

Gambling Addiction

Caffeine Addiction

Smoking

I do suffer from 2 of these. Not saying which ones but I do have people around me that think I'm on at least 4 of them so that's nice but in every profession there is the secret, hidden thing that helps them through the day and that's the swearing aspect. I don't think, in the last 3 years, I have gone a day without telling someone that they should fuck themselves or that they are a cunt with them being aware that I am just taking the piss out of them an I don't mean half the shit I say. It just becomes habit to tell people to fuck off or suggest that they shove a large object up their rectums.

I used to knock the shite out of walls to relieve stress but I would always swear like a cunt after I would do it thinking to myself “You are a stupid prick and I hate you”. I would then look at my hand, laugh and say out loud “Ha you are a cunt”. The thought was always I would get over some of the pain if I constantly just swore to myself and carried on as if nothing had happened. Of course, my hand would always hurt for days afterwards and I would be swearing until it healed only to find another wall to knock shite out of and the process would start all over again.

Panic Attacks

A friend once said to me, “Bring A Harmonica Everywhere You Go, So If You Have A Panic Attack You Can At Least Make Some Music”. I never bought the harmonica but it is a very good way to portray what its like to have regular panic attacks. Could you imagine just busking in town, guitar in hand trying to be the next Ed Sheeran and then suddenly, your heart starts to blast out of chest, you feel light headed and you start to hyperventilate. That would be the best time ever to pull out your harmonica. You'll be on the floor with tears rolling down your face but you'll be smashing that cover of You Don't Know How It Feels by Tom Petty.

I starting writing this back when I was having regular panic/anxiety attacks, every 2-3 days in fact, but getting to this point its a bit more every month so, yay progress but I wrote the chapters out months before and I said I would follow through with it so here I am.

Funny story, I once had a panic attack in a nightclub whilst sat on a replica of The Iron Throne from Game of Thrones, whilst my friend was out on the pull. That's the whole story, seriously, but could you imagine having a great time up until the point when you realise you are surrounded by 250+ people you don't know, with a severe case of crowd anxiety and your friend abandons you for the prospect of sex. My head exploded and there was a very attractive looking wall outside that I felt needed a makeover. Never got the makeover, the lucky bastard.

I used to make the biggest mistake for myself whenever I felt anxious, panicky or depressed because when my depression was really bad, my drinking made it so much worse because I lost the control that I had over myself. My mistake in recent times is that, when I started to feel like my old self, I would have a drink to try to combat it. That is the mistake I would make. Try to stay away from my old self by doing what my old self would do.

Its got to a point now where, even where I am reading this back, and nothing in my body reacts. No anxiety, no panic and no depression. Well, saying that, I still have those feelings but they are not nearly as hurt filled as they were in the past. My secret, apart from therapy, on how I deal with life and why I am the way I am now is.

The End?

I mean, is there really an end to a story, an idea? I do have secrets, everyone does. My biggest is that I made a character in myself to try to avoid loving myself and anyone else. I acted as if I didn't care about other people to make it easier on myself if it came to a point where they let me down or, in the more realistic circumstance, where I let them down. I always tell people that I'm not a nice person to put them off this fact so that they see me as the character I made up. I make certain jokes to people to put them off and I say things to them to give them the idea that they need to avoid any form of relationship with me so that they don't get hurt in the crossfire of what I am.

In the 2 years since I have made this character, only 3 people have seen through it and seen me underneath, no matter how much I have tried to put them off. One of which is my mother, another being the woman mentioned in the Self Harm chapter and one more person who I fell for but not in the way I have before. Only because I am afraid of what would happen to me if I had made the same mistakes from before. Its really irritating trying to get people to keep the secret that I am a horrible bastard so I can stay in my own little bubble.

At the time in which I am typing this, I have not been to therapy for 2 months. In this time, I have learnt that:

Not everyone is out to get me

Not every decision I make will fail

I have the self control to not hurt myself physically or mentally

My emotions are not here to hurt me

I am capable of loving myself along with someone else

I am a nice person and I don't need to hide behind my old self

Swearing actually does help, I don't have any regrets there

Bring a harmonica to a panic attack if I want to be the next Tom Petty

Don't throw away the opportunity to love if given it. It will bite you in the arse if you do

Safe to say, even though I have my bad days, I have, recently, barely gone a day without having a smile on my face. For those who know me will know that this is a rare occurrence.

I don't think there will be a day where I don't think about the person I used to be. I'm sure I will use this as a defence mechanism in the future but I know that I will eventually get over it. If you ever see me later, if I ever just clench my fist. Just know that I am trying to counter act my old self. Not very helpful but still.

I want to thank every person who has helped me become who I am now because who I was previous was, to put it lightly, a total cunt. I have become a functioning person, with some glitches, only a couple though. I decided to thank everyone who helped me in person months ago but it needs to be said again to solidify my authenticity.

If you have read it to this far, you are one of the people who have helped me, inadvertently, but still thank you.

Tom

[sugarcanestock]

classroom 5

I can’t stand Takoda, every time he speaks, no matter how kind the words may be, all I can think is how much better off we would be without him. It wasn’t always this way though, I suppose at first I rather liked him, but that was then and this is now, and now he’s infuriating. He could simply breath, and I'm ready to slit his throat.   Oak grove isn’t a normal school, it’s a special school for equally special people. Everyone there is either retarded, autistic, suicidal, or some criminal. I’m no exception, I am so dead inside you can smell the rotting rom a mile away. The staff here are usually just as special as the students, although a very few of them are normal, never the good kind of normal.   The staff at the oak grove have the patience of absolute saints, at least the good ones. I’ve seen some staff watch a kid running around breaking things and causing a ruckus, but his staff didn’t so much as flinch. She just asked him if he wanted a break, he said yes and that was that. Its not uncommon to hear screaming and someone banging on the walls, usually we just lock the door and continue the lesson. The teachers must be some other kind of being, despite the horrible way some of the students treat them, they continue with a smile.I have asked them why they stay, being so under payed, and mistreated, they usually say how they want to help us and describe the joy it brings them when we get better.   But some of these staff are so far up your ass you can’t even share something with your friends without it being confiscated. Mrs. Janine everyone hates her, until she brings some snack into class, even then the love doesn’t last long. She is the one I call ‘rule hitler’ you can take what you will with that. Mrs. Star isn’t so bad, but she is certainly too religious, same with Janine, I feel like I’m suffocating in all that stupid Christian mumbo jumbo. Mrs. Star was in the music industry and she just must talk about it constantly and tell you how she ‘sang for this person’ and ‘wrote for this person’ and’ blah blah blah’. She’s got an ok singing voice, but she’s very energetic, too much for me. she is trying to write a tv show script, but her writing works better for an 80’s game show. If she could just stop sucking jesus’s dick for one second, maybe I could stand her better. Mrs. Janine likes to butt her way into our conversations about how we hate god, trying to fill us with the lies she eats every Sunday.

  Not a Satan worshiper, don’t even believe in Satan, certainly don’t worship him. But I have nothing against him, he seems like a chill dude, way better than that god prick.Since god created everything right? And he makes no mistakes? Then he created Satan and wanted him to be evil. Also if satan punishes us for being bad, doesn’t that make him good?     My class is small, smaller than my old school. My old school had over 30,000 students. This one, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t even have 100. Everyone knows each other, and there is no way of getting out of all the drama. That’s one of the many things I hate about this school, I don’t give a hairless rats ass about who insulted who.   In my class there is Marissa, the school thot. But she’s cool I don’t mind her. She recently had a girlfriend, I thought they were rather cute together. Though I think it was Marissa's longest relationship, all good things must come to an end, and just before their two-month anniversary it did. I'm glad though, I am friends with her ex, and I didn’t want her to be cheated on, Marissa certainly isn't above that.     Then there is Maria, she’s not my favorite, I think she is a little too conceded for my taste. But she cute, but way too focused on how she looks, and her nails. I think if she spent just a little less time on her looks, and worked on her education, she really could do great things.     There is also sorelle I’ve known her for awhile. She once said she wanted to be referred to as a guy and called Grayson, but I’m not sure if she still wants to since she doesn’t respond to it, and no one calls her that. Her and Maria are friends with Marissa, but they are jealous of each other, they always spread rumors about each other. Marissa is rather daft, and usually doesn’t know who to side with, so she picks both, each one on a different day.     Then we’ve got the fat ass of the class, not that I think being fat is an issue, it’s just being that fat isn’t healthy. He’s extremely annoying, and he gets pissed off with the simples little jokes. He also loves to infuriate me, and he’s far too big to fight. His name is Andrew, he’s a sports fan, I hate sports they're so boring and pointless, unless you play them, but only freaks watch sports.   There’s the two love birds of our class, scratch that the two love birds of the whole school. Sean and Catherine. I greatly prefer Catherine’s company, since she isn’t as intense. She is rather timid and usually keeps to herself, but Sean helps her come out of her shell. She listens to bands like pierce the veil, and stuff like that. I too am emo, well I guess I’m more goth, but I prefer Rusty cage, and my chemical romance. They both are giant weebs, and are constantly playing Pokémon on their ds’s, I mean they are dorm so there’s not much else to do. Dorm of course means, they live here at the school, but its less like a collage and more like a residential everything is restricted, you cant even have paper.   Alex who I like the best, he’s very quiet and his stomach is a black hole. I swear I’ve never seen him turn down food, he has a part in the school Christmas play, as a hungry elf, just constantly eating. He is polite and has never caused me any issues, so I try to treat him the same.   Allie who is new to the dorms. A sweet soul with a bit of a mischievous glint. Marissa and sorelle don’t like her cause she takes things without asking, she thinks she’s being cute but she really is just being rude. I don’t particularly mind her though, I think she just needs some lessons in manners, and someone needs to teach her to stop making up stories. She tried to tell me she was some animal whisperer, I acted as if I believed her but I saw right through her bs, she does that a lot, make up stories about herself to look cool, I think it’s a bit childish.   I suppose now I Must once again talk about Takoda, oh how just his very name makes my blood boil, so stupid, the retarted Dakoda. I once said one of his middle names (yes he has more than one) was dumb and he started crying, then gave me an essay about what all his names meant, of course I told him I didn’t care and he loudly exclaimed.

“Fuck you!” with tears running down his face, and a shaking voice. It makes me laugh to this day, what a little bitch.

At first he seemed charming and funny, but that was before I knew what a good joke was. And the creep was caught masturbating in the girls bathroom, that’s why he’s here. What a freak. He tries to tell people he was caught fucking a trans person, as if any trans person would like a total joke like him. he has no fashion sense, he wears cargo shorts and t-shirts everyday. And if you think there's nothing wrong with that, and or you do that, there is something wrong with you. He laughs at and tells the dumbest jokes, he genuinely still finds cat memes hilarious, you know the ones.

“can I haz cheeseburger.” he even keeps a book of them, he tried to say he babysat, but I saw him looking through it and laughing, what a loser.

. He also makes racist jokes, then we call him out for it, and he can’t take it he’ll get all pissy. One time we made him cry, just for calling him out for being a racist, what a loser. He said that a black guy on the tv looked like the only black student we have in our class, they looked nothing alike other that the fact that they were both black. And he has the audacity, to say that I of all people can’t take a joke, when I give him shit. Anyway, what a prick, right?

But then who am I? just some judgmental bitch, right? Well that may be true there surprisingly more to me than that. I’m mute so that should already tell you how weird I must be. But it gets better, I’m punk/goth it depends on the day. And I’m hella suicidal, and depressed. I am schizophrenic and always paranoid, but it affects me less now that I want to die. There’s nothing else really interesting with me other than the fact that I have large breasts, so I’m a big titty goth bitch.

The day starts off completely normal, if you asked me, I would say it’s too normal. I swear I haven't even heard a single person screaming. Mr. Higgans our bubbly, sweet teacher. What a saint, he began our math lesson.

“alright, so you each have your notebooks, right?” no one in the class verbally responded, but a few of us nodded, including me. I flip to a random page and start writing out the equasions on a blank page.

“alright, Evlyn do you know what page you’re doing?” I nodded and promptly began working, it was simple enough, just regular find the slope of a line. Something seemed off, the hall was quiet, I have been at this school for long enough to know that prolonged silence is not good. I swiftly get out of my seat, Mrs.. Janine as nosey as ever, is out of hers just as fast. When I reach for the door handle she quickly interjects.

“where are you going?” I tell her to piss off, by flailing my hand in a dismissive motion. She needs to learn to mind her own damn business. Grabbing the door handle, I get a horrible sense of dread, but I push past it anyway.

Pushing the door open, all I see is a yellow gloved hand and a dirty, green rag. Without a second to process, I am being held against a tall, strong body, I can hear screaming, and I watch as other masked figures flood in. the second I realize what is happening, I am struggling, kicking, punching, and fighting to hold my breath. But it’s only a matter of time before I must breath in.

[butgilinsky]

you’ll never know // sweet pea

warning; slight cursing 

summary; y/n is faced with sweet pea’s new gf, telling her that she’ll never know the true sweet pea. 

I watched as his hand slowly moved up and down her thigh, her smile sickening me. his smile was soft while hers was ear to ear. the sight was something I couldn't tear my eyes away from, no matter how strong the uneasy feeling was in my stomach. 

“you’re killing yourself.” toni broke my train of thought, making my eyes snap over to hers. “watching them is killing you. you never look at anything else.” she continued telling me why it was a bad idea to watch them, but I couldn't help myself. 

I looked over one last time, catching her eyes in the process. when she saw my gaze, she smirked cynically before bringing her hand up to sweet pea’s neck and smashed their lips together. 

I groaned softly, downing the rest of my drink. 

“I told you.” toni mumbled before walking off. 

I stared at my hands, playing with my thumbs as I heard someone sit beside me. 

“you’re wasting your time.” I looked up at the blonde girl, rolling my eyes. 

“I don't know what you’re talking about.” I stood up to walk out of the bar, not wanting to get into it with her. if I started arguing with her, I wasn't sure where it would take me. 

“you watch us constantly. the wyrm, school, football games, drop the fucking act y/n.” I growled softly, my eyes meeting fangs’ across the wyrm. 

he shook his head, his eyes widening when he saw the expression on my face. 

“no matter how hard you stare, he’ll never go back to you. he’ll never show up on your doorstep with flowers and candy. he’ll never hold you when you have cramps or when you're sad. he won't be there for you, because he doesn't love you.” my eyes darkened, my gaze still on fangs as she talked to my back. 

I turned on my heel, now smiling sarcastically at the girl. 

“do you know anything about him?” I snapped, watching her face contort. 

“I know everything about him. he’s my boyfriend. I know his favorite things, what he does in his spare time-”

“do you know why? do you know why he got his tattoo on his neck? do you know why he likes to be called sweet pea? do you know why he wants to watch fight club all night long, even if he has school the next day? do you know why chemistry’s his favorite subject?” I rambled off, her eyes slightly widening and then rolling while I spoke. 

“I don't have to know why-”

“exactly. you don't. so you might know his favorite color, but you’ll never know the shit I know. you’ll never get to sit in his trailer, playing with his hair while he sobs into a fuzzy blanket and watches fight club. you’ll never get to hear him talk about his family or why he joined the serpents. you’ll never get to have shit like that with him, because he doesn't give a shit about you. you’re temporary to him.” she stood in front of me, her lips parted but no noise coming out. 

I smiled sarcastically as I spun around again, going for the door. when I spun around I was met with dark eyes and raven colored hair that towered over me, staring at me with a blank expression. 

“I see through your bullshit. I know that you don't have what we used to have, and I can tell you crave it. I can tell that you grip your pool sticks tighter when she's around. I can tell that your hands run through your hair more than they grip her hips. I see it, pea.” i said lowly, making sure bimbo couldn't hear any of it, but he sure as hell could. 

“you cant just say whatever you want, y/n. we’re not together anymore.”

I stared at him in amazement, shocked that that was the only thing he could say to me. 

“no thanks to you.” I seethed before pushing past him and walking out of the bar. 

***

I watched brad Pitt walk across the screen when a knock on the door sounded through the trailer, my eyes rolling. 

I was expecting toni or fangs with a light lecture, but was disappointed when I saw a tall boy with dark hair and eyes, staring at me. 

his eyes were red, and his lips were swollen. a look that’s famous for signaling that sweet pea had been crying and chewing on his lips. I looked down at his knuckles, not surprised when I found cuts and bruises painted across the back of his hands. 

I moved to the side, letting him walk inside. his serpent jacket was absent, leaving him in a black shirt and a flannel thrown over it. he sat on the couch and let a small laugh out when he saw the movie on the tv. 

“you can’t- why do you do that?” his voice broke the silence. 

“do what?” I asked softly, kneeling in front of him. 

“why do you show up when I start to forget you? why is it, that the second im about to let myself be happy without you, you pop in?” his voice was soft and shaky, as if hw was broken. his hands were rubbing against one another, signaling that he was nervous. 

“I'm not showing up, you just realize me. you absentmindedly search for me when you’re on the verge of forgetting me because you’ll never let yourself forget me. when you’re with her, at the table that I used to sit at when you played pool for hours, you think of me. you cant help yourself, pea. but that makes you mad, because you’re the one that walked out on us.” he stared at me, confusion and shock sinking in. 

“I don’t understand why I can’t let you go.” he mumbled, slightly breaking me even further. 

“because we’re made for each other, pea.” his eyes started to water as he broke the eye contact and looked at his hands. 

“fuck.” he mumbled, making me sigh. I sat back, leaning against my coffee table as his eyes met mine again. “I'm sorry.” he whispered before the tears started to slide down his cheeks, his breathing becoming uneven. 

I moved up to sit beside him, pulling his head into my chest as his body starting shaking. 

“it’s okay. pea, you’re okay. you’re not alone.” I slid my hand to his lower back and lifted his shirt to rub small circles on his skin. 

“I don't deserve you.” he sobbed into my chest. 

“yes you do. you deserve the best person that’s going to see through your tough exterior. you need someone who doesn't look at you for the tattoo or the leather. someone that notices the slight tremble in your fingers when you grip your brass knuckles. someone that sees the slight twinge of fear in your eyes when you’re about to get into a fight.” he was laying across the couch now, his arms wrapped around my torso and his head on my stomach. 

I played with his hair, hearing his breathing return to a normal pace. 

“you need somebody that loves you for pea. someone that loves ‘sweets’. not someone that loves the face of Southside high, or the big bad ass that only laughs at something fangs says.” he looked up at me, his eyes still red but now dry. 

“I love you, y/n.” my heart smiled at the confession, making me smile softly. 

“that’s all I've ever wanted.” 

[kisseskstories-blog]

Release

I look at you, your shirt off, your jeans low, hair a slight mess. You look stressed and I want to help you. It’s been too long. I walk up to you and grab your arms pulling us against a wall. I start kissing you and you know just what to do. You lips on my neck, hands in my hair. I step out of my heels as you push me down the hall to your room. Your hands unzipping my dress, leaving it on the floor in the hall. I try to undo your pants, breathing heavy as you touch me. You stop and finish taking off your pants. We close the door as you push me back onto the bed. Before I can even think you push two fingers deep inside me making me moan. You don’t waste time, in and out, hard and fast. Making me scream and squirm. A third finger…

The way that you move drives me crazy.  I push your hips down trying to keep you from thrusting so hard.   My fingers penetrating you hard and deep.   Your hand finds its way to my hard cock and begins to stroke me.   Your moans louder as my cock swells even more to your touch.    Your pussy so wet, it begins to make a slapping sound when my fingers thrust into you.   I want you so badly.  You look up at me. With a yearning voice you beg me, “take me and do anything you want to me…”

Without warning you pull your fingers out and I groan in protest, “fuck you” I say between breaths. I look at you, your hips moving as I stroke you. You look down at me and pull my hand away from you. I know this look, I get ready, but nothing could prepare me for this. I watch as you crawl over me, your hips go back and I inhale, my hands on your chest. You thrust in hard and deep and my nails scratch your chest and I whine and scream. You pull out and I groan a little. Waiting, you thrust again staying inside a while then pulling out again. I hate you but I love this all at once.

I thrust again,  deep deep inside.   You didn’t know you could take it so deep.   I press it inside you and you feel my cock moving deep inside you as i flex it.   I keep it deep inside and thrust my hips in small movements constantly pressing deeper…. deeper… you bite your lip but you’re unable to contain the moan as it bellows out from your mouth.   The moment you moan,  your body folds around mine and your nails tear down my back causing me to groan and arch back pressing deeper inside.  I bend back down and bite your neck causing you to loosen your nails but then you grab a handful of my skin and pull…. the whole time I’m thrusting inside you causing your pussy to spasm with each thrust.    I can tell that you’re really loving this,  i look into your eyes and command you,  “don’t cum until i tell you that you can…..”   you whimper a light “fuck,” then nod your head…“yes sir. ”

I try to move but it just makes the pleasure more. “baby….” I scratch again. you don’t stop, you push it as deep as you can and hold it. I’m yours, I moan again and try to squeeze my legs together. You take your hand and push them apart, my hands above my head. “fuck” I moan not being able to move. I’m close to cumming but I know better, I can’t…not yet. I try to control it, you keep me right on edge. I kiss you biting your lower lip. “don’t stop”

I smile slightly, knowing how close you are.   “Not yet babe.. ” you give me a dirty look….“you might not get to cum with that attitude, ” your nails scratch my skin…, “what attitude? ” you ask coyly.  I begin to pull out…“no baby…” you beg and i slide it back in causing you to moan with pleasure again.   You wrap your legs around me and squeeze them holding me inside you.   I kiss your lips,  causing a rush in your body.   I look into your eyes,  “is my baby ready to cum? ”

“yes sir” I say as I breathe heavy. I need more from you, “you stopped” I give you a pleading look. You pull out a little and thrust back in, hard. You thrust slow, hard, and deep.    I let out a whimper, I know not to cum yet. I feel it building up inside. I bite your neck trying to muffle the moans, “fuck….babe” You go faster and look down at me making eye contact. I try to squirm, I want to move and scream when you do this to me. Suddenly you go deep, hitting a new spot making me moan louder. I arch my back, closing my eyes…God I want to cum….

I know that i could make you cum at any moment.   I love that control.   I take your legs up on my shoulders and thrust deeper…. your moans uncontrollable now.   You put your hand over your mouth to muffle the moans but it barely does anything.   I continue to keep you on the edge of cumming….“let me cum daddy….” you beg.   “Not yet, ” but you can’t help it … your body quivers and cum explodes from your pussy.. . Dripping on my balls and running down your taint…..“fuck…. harder harder….“you say….i thrust harder… your pussy loving the pain…. squeezing on my dick…. spasming as you’re cumming… .  

"Bad girl…… now you will be punished.”

I realize what I did, “shit” I look up at you. “yes daddy”, you stop and run your hands down my body. I wonder what you’ll punish me with. I feel you pull out and i groan. Your hand slides down and touches me, the cum on your fingers. You make me taste it and all I can think is I want to taste yours. You know that so it cant be my punishment.  You tie my arms above my head and smile. I get nervous, “what do I do daddy” I ask quietly. You dont answer…here we go.

With your arms above your head i stand you up and walk you back to the wall and hold you against it.   I take my tie and blindfold you..    “you weren’t supposed to cum kitten..  ”  

“I’m sorry sir…”  you reply.

I take my belt and snap it in the air a few times… you flinch each time.. .“you better be ready for your punishment, ” i say and you nervously nod your head…… my belt snaps again…. you flinch.  My hand touches your shoulder and you feel me slide my belt through your arm restraints and i strap you to the tall bedpost,  your arms up above your head.   It’s quiet….. you wonder if I’m just going to leave you there.   “I’m here kitten…,” i say after a few minutes.   “I’m sorry sir, i couldn’t help it,” you beg forgiveness.   “You’re about to be punished.” You hear me stand up and walk near you… the unknown is killing you as i stand next to you quietly….“sir?” You ask….. then you feel it and your body tenses up all over.   Your nipples immediately hard…. you whimper and flinch…… fucking ice….. the cold melting water drips down your skin and you shiver.   Chill bumps raise from your skin.   I move the ice over your breast,  up to your neck and then across your lips… you feel my lips close so you try to kiss me….i bite your lower lip…“fuck…” you say outloud.   “This is just the beginning kitten.”   Your body shivers with excitement….

I breathe deep, shaking from the chills. I feel another and I gasp, my hips, down…lower. you hold it just above me before putting it right on my clit. I start to whine and squirm, it stings from the coldness but it feels too good, “holy….fuck” You pull it away. It’s quiet again and I steady my breathing. I feel your fingers lightly sliding down my body and across my stomach. Whatever your doing is slightly pissing me off, but I deserve this. “please” I beg, “more”. You take your hand and start to rub my clit, I breathe heavier, a quiet moan slips out and you stop. I growl a little and regret it as soon as I do….

Then the ice presses against your clit again and you flinch another time.   I hold it there,  the sting returns, then i move it back and forth,  grinding the ice cube across your clit until a soft barely audible moan comes out of you,  then i remove the ice and laid pause… you fight the urge to groan…..“control…. good girl, ”  i say and you feel a warmth on your clit as my mouth tastes you.   The warmth feels so good after that ice..  you keep quiet this time knowing that any noise will cause me to stop.   You’re doing well……. until your hips move just so slightly….i stop.    “Fuck!” You sai l say outloud.     “Tsk tsk… such a bad girl, ”  i can’t help but smile at the pleasurable torture that you’re going through.   I guess ice isn’t enough of a punishment.   “On your knees!” I command you and unhook your hands from above.  You lower to your knees like a good sub.   I put my thumb on your lower lip.   You open your mouth and begin to suck on my  thumb.   I take your blindfold off.  “Let me see those pretty eyes water a bit…….”

“Yes daddy” I say as I look up at you. I wait and know not to do anything without permission. I look down, I fight the urge to reach for it and take care of you the way I know you need. I look back up at your eyes, usually the look in your eyes turns me on but this time it’s less pleasing. You love the control this time. You push the tip between my lips and I open my mouth as you slide in making me gag. You thrust a little and pull out again. Letting me breathe, “be a good girl” you say, and I nod my head. You thrust back deep again, “it’s yes sir” you say and pull out. I catch my breath and quietly say, “yes sir”. I keep my hands down, my mouth closed until you thrust again. Deeper with each one, making me gag every now and then. My eyes water and I try to breathe again. My face turns a light shade of red and you pull out, “Good kitten” you say as you look down at me….

“I press deeper,  your face red,  gagging….. you do a gagging cough thing and i pull out.   Your spit stretching from your mouth to the tip of my cock…. "put your hands on me, ” your hands wrap around my cock and you begin to stroke me.   I step a small step closer to you… you look up at me and a rush of excitement fills your body, you understand and lean forward,  licking my balls as you stroke me,  all the while, looking up at me holding eye contact.   You know that you’re doing a good job when my hips start moving.   “Mmmmmmm….. good girl….” i moan softly to you.   You nod up at me with those little begging eyes….  “you want to swallow me again huh? ”   You smile,  “yes sir.”

You push me back against the wall and hold my hands above my head as you slide back into my mouth. I moan a little making a small vibration on your shaft. You thrust and make me gag again. You try to pull back and I bite, just softly and you thrust back in. I look up at you and you read my eyes, you know we both want to fight for control. I push my head front taking you deeper, barely gagging now. You grip my wrists tighter and moan a little noise. I move my tongue up and down the bottom of your shaft as your in my mouth. I look up and try to smile but only for a second. I pull back and move my tongue around the tip. You get annoyed with me and thrust back in, I pull back. “Kitten” you say with a stern voice, I look up at you with innocent eyes, “yes daddy?” I ask sweetly before sliding back down around you. You moan and look down, “fuck”, you close your eyes for a second, “behave”…

You try to say,  “yes sir, ” but i slide myself deep in your throat causing you to gag.   My hands slide up your arms, up your neck,  to the back of your head.  I let you take a breath as you look up at me….. then my hands pull your mouth onto my dick.   Deep in your throat… your eyes closing slowly then opening..  they begin to water and your face turns a red,  purple color.   I let you breathe.  “Ready kitten?”  

“Yes sir.”

I pull again on the back of your head and thrust myself into your throat,  i pull/ thrust over and over,  fucking your face as you gag on my hard dick.   The drool drips down on your tits.   “Oh..my… fuck…” i can barely talk,  it feels so good.   Even though i let you breathe, your eyes water like tears as i please myself with your mouth.   “Fuck kitten,  i need to cum….. deep in your throat or on your face? ”

I look up at you and push my head deeper telling you I want you to cum in my throat, you get the message and thrust deeper. You pull out letting me breathe then back in quickly. I know you’re close and it excites me. You lean your head back a little and moan, “good girl” you say, I look up at you and my eyes beg for you to cum. One….I gag again when you go deep. Two…Your body starts to shake and your hand pushes the back of my head down onto you deeper. Three….You cum deep in my throat and my eyes water more. When you pull out my hand immediately goes to your shaft and I stroke you, gripping tighter. My tongue teases the tip as you look down at me. You double on my face and chest and thrust hard when you do sliding back in my mouth. You moan as you do and I suck for a little before pulling my head back, “Thank you daddy.” I say as I smile.

[bts-jimin16]

Camping Trip With Taehyung

Request: Can I ask/request a fluffy camping trip w Tae like ya know cuddling  making s'mores ahaha if you cant write it , i totally understand! again Good Luck w your exams! you’re gonna do great!!

Word Count: 2,878

Genre: Fluff, smut, fluff, smut, fluffy smut….. just a lot of fluff and smut

For: Taesbae😉 

I hope you like it Hun!!!!!!!!!!!! 😙❤❤  ~Admin Nish

“SHIT” you cursed out loud, an automatic reflex you had acquired as a result of hanging out with Yoongi so much during the past 2 years. You rubbed your injured arm, a slight pout adorned your pink lips.

You shot daggers at the slowly growing red bump on your arm due to a mosquito, which unfortunately for him, you gave no mercy to. Slumping your shoulders, you make a big fuss about the slightly stinging pain on your arm. You tugged on your boyfriend’s flannel, complaining that all the mosquitoes and other insects were personally out to get you.

“I swear Taehyung, I could feel it’s hatred when it bit me,……….it’s like it knew I killed it’s friend earlier” you wondered out loud which only lead to you starting to think that maybe the insects formed a cult with their main goal being to assassinate your entire existence.

Maybe it was a bit much but you couldn’t help but let your mind wonder sometimes, maybe that’s why you and Tae were together. Both of your wild and crazy thoughts made y’all the perfect couple and an envied one at that. The comments you both got on a daily basis about how cute you were together were way past your expectations, for all you saw was the weird quirky couple that fantasized over anime and basically lived in band t-shirts and baggy joggers. 

“Don’t worry my fair maiden, I’ll protect you from the arch nemesis known as the Mosquito of Death” he said in the most ridiculous accent trying to imitate someone from the medieval era, but sounding more like a strangled Englishman. The way he stretched his arms out as in to protect you from God knows what in combination his facial expressions of trying to look fierce had you flailing over grabbing your stomach erupting in laughter. Only Taehyung could ever make a sour situation into an immensely hilarious one; one of the many reasons you were with him. Finally composing yourself from your laughing fit, you pretended to wipe the fake tears from your eyes as you stared up at the unbelievably cute box smile shining down at you. Smiling and grabbing your boyfriend’s hand, you continued down the somewhat deserted and shaded path to the camping site.

The sun was slowly disappearing from the blueish grey sky as the evening started to set in. You and Taehyung had spontaneously came up with the idea of going camping the other day after watching an extremely cheesy movie where the couple did the same. It looked like a perfect idea for a vacation, that is until you were basically attacked by bugs and becoming practically burnt from the scorching sun because a certain brown haired dark eyed boy forgot to pack the sunscreen, despite the endless nagging from you not to forget it.

Dodging the low hanging tree branches and the multiple jagged stones that obstructed your path, you were surprised you hadn’t tripped and face planted yet. It was something that happened to you more than you would like but that’s what you got for being a clumsy person that pays little to no attention to what’s happening around you. Luckily for you, you had a nice caring boyfriend that was always there to pick you back up, after laughing at your failure at life that is.  

Seeing the empty outstretched fields come into view, you sighed out of relief, tired of walking for so long. Exercise wasn’t your favourite activity and walking definitely wasn’t a substitute either, the only exercise you ever got was when things got heated between you and Tae.  

“Finally, I thought I was going to die from all that walking” you exaggerated immediately dropping your backpack to the soft welcoming grass following shortly after. A contented sigh left your lips as you stretch out on the warm patch of grass under a shady tree. You looked up at Tae as he looked down at your comfortable form. You crossed your hands behind your head smirking at your boyfriend making yourself more comfortable.

“Wouldn’t you like to join me Tae?” You asked seductively tapping the spot next to where you lay.

“No thanks” he smirked down at you nonchalantly putting his hands into his black jeans.

“Why not” you frowned a little disappointed.

“Because you’re lying on an ants’ nest”  

And as soon as the words left his mouth you were scrambling to your feet at the speed of light frantically brushing your hands all over your body all the while screaming at the pitch of a drowning cat. As you practically ran around trying to get rid of the horrible bugs on the verge of tears, you could hear the hysterical laughter coming from your evil boyfriend. Stopping in your tracks and snapping your head in his direction, you glared at him ready to strangle his neck. Taking a deep breath trying to compose yourself from the burst of fear and anger, you stomped your way over to your bag grabbing it from it’s place on the ground and putting it somewhere else away from the devil insects.

“You see what I mean Tae, they’re after me, they’re out to get me” you huffed pretty confident on your theory.

“I told you not to worry babe, I’ll protect you.” He assured you although you could sense the humour behind his voice.

“So why didn’t you warn me about the ants??” You retorted crossed your arms.

“I did tell you didn’t I?” He smirked, his words laced with cockiness making you roll your eyes.

“Whatever, just stop being a dick and help me set up the tent” rolling your eyes again earning a chuckle from Tae. 

After choosing a suitable spot, away from all of the devil’s creatures, you and Tae begun to assemble the tent, which under normal circumstances would have been a quick and easy task, had you not decided to go camping with the weird child you called your boyfriend. He was constantly using the sticks that were meant to hold up the tent as a sword he would swing about and pretend that he was battling with it. After giving him a light scolding, you both were able to put up the tent before the moon was out. Unpacking your sleeping bags and setting them out under the tent you took out your food supplies, spotting marshmallows, chocolate and some crackers.

“Tae, let’s build a camp fire, I want to make some s’mores!” you exclaimed bubbly, spinning your head around to bring his crouched down frame into view. His face immediately lit up at the suggestion, his frame came tumbling over to your side as he visually assessed the ingredients you had before nodding frantically. You giggled before grabbing his hand, pulling him up and out of the newly set up tent and out onto the camping grounds, you squinted your eyes looking around the area for some camp fire wood. Within a span of 5 minutes, you had spotted a pile, pulling Tae eagerly towards it. Halting in front of it, you looked up at Taehyung expectantly.

“Tae, grab some and let’s go.” you urged him. He looked down at you in response.

“Why can’t you grab them? My back hurts from carrying those heavy bags.” He whined. Sighing, you moved forward to grab them when you caught a slight movement among the wood. You screamed, jumping behind Tae for protection. 

“Calm down y/n, it was just a lizard” He spoke mentally shaking his head at your childishness. You shook your head huffing, pretending you weren’t just expecting a wild raccoon to jump out and eat you alive.

“I am not touching that wood. What if that lizard jumps out and bites me on my nose?” You exclaimed frantically. Practically speaking, the chances of that happening, and today of all days, were actually fairly high and you didn’t want to take any chances. You doubted that mother nature would let you off for the third time in a row.

Rolling his eyes, Tae bent down to pick up the fire wood, slightly groaning at what you assumed to be the ache in his back. He then proceeded to walk towards your tent, with you trailing behind him like a lost puppy. After a short walk, you arrived back at your tent.

By the time you had reached the place where your tent was set up, Taehyung, bless his sweet heart, had taken it upon himself to set up the wood and start the fire. You soon found him scurrying around the tent, in search of the ingredients you had found earlier. After he found them, you assisted him in assembling the marshmallows on the metal skewers you had brought, before finding yourselves sat in front of the fire, cuddled into one another with a blanket over your shoulders and marshmallows pierced by skewers in both of your hands.

“You know, I once tried to roast marshmallows on the stove when I was younger” you chuckled to yourself remembering back to that time you wanted to see if it would be the same.

“And how did it turn out” he asked genuinely curious about your adventurous methods of when you where a little kid.

“First of all, it tasted like burnt sugar which was horrible and secondly, don’t use wooden skewers, unless you want to start a mini fire and get grounded for a week” you both laughed at your story of when you were a curious and obviously dumb seven year old. You loved the sound of his laughter, it was like music to your ears and could listen to it til the end of time. You were completely whipped for him and you were fully well aware of it. You loved him and you would give up anything for him because you knew he would do the same. Aside from the constant quarrelling and childlike behaviour you both portrayed, he was the love of your life, your first love, and you wanted it to stay that way.   

Leaning your head on his shoulder, you took a deep breath, taking in the moment. The peaceful sound of the crackling fire mixed with Taehyung’s calming breathes was the perfect getaway you could ever ask for. Twirling the softening white ball of sugar a few inches above the calm fire you wished it could always be this way, with him by your side. 

Looking up at his perfect face, sense of heat flooded through your body causing a knot to grow in your lower region. The affect Taehyung had on you was no joke but you couldn’t help it, he was too hard to resist sometimes. You gazed up through your eyelashes to take a peck at his chiselled jawline before moving to kiss his soft perky lips. You shifted your body in order to get a better look at his face. Him, feeling your movement, turns to look down at you just in time for you to capture his lips in a sweet kiss. You let your lips move against his in sync, long forgetting about the marshmallows that had been forgotten and cast aside, probably burning into nothing in the fire. Keeping your lips connected with his, your hands started to travel up his heated body as you pressed yours against his, desperate to feel close to him. He wrapped his arms around you in response copying your actions as his hands wandered your clothed body, feeling the same heat you felt, feeling the need to be close to you, feeling the need to feel your naked body against his, feeling the need to be inside you. 

Getting caught up in the sudden change of mood, you could feel Taehyung’s excited member poking against your stomach before he pulled away, gasping slightly for breath.

“Let’s go back to the tent. At this rate, I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself” he breathed out through his swollen lips, his voice low and husky as his breath fanned across your face, causing your eyes to flutter. All you could manage was a hasty nod, wanting this just as much as he did. Taehyung delicately picked you up, seemingly forgetting about his back ache, and carried you back to the tent where you could get privacy from the onlooking empty trees and outstretched forest.

He carefully laid you down onto the already laid out blankets, his eyes piercing your own pair as his hand sneaked down to caress every crevice, curve, nip and tuck of your body, earning needy moans from you. With his head buried in your neck, leaving heavy kisses and marks on your flesh, he slowly peeled away each article of your clothing with gentle hands pushing down his strong desires, making you feel as if the setting was a five star hotel instead of a camping ground in the middle of nowhere. 

Looking down at your fully unclothed body, a low growl erupted from the depths of his throat signifying he couldn’t wait much longer. Shifting your body forward, feeling Taehyung watching your every move, you helped him to remove the material that was preventing you from seeing all of him. Audibly gasping at the sight of his sun kissed skin peeking out as you removed his covers, you could never get used to seeing him like this. His body was one you could only describe as something you could only dream of, but luckily for you it was real and it was yours.

With you both completely bare and heavy breathing filling the confines of the tent, you gazed at his frame towering over you as you felt your heart speed up. No matter how much times you two got intimate, it always felt like it was your first time experiencing and feeling these sensual sensations his him.The feelings present were so intense that it made you dizzy and to the point you needed him right now. 

Coming down to your level once again, Taehyung paused for a split moment, looking in your shaking eyes before attacking your lips like he couldn’t wait any longer. Your hands immediately found their way into his silky strands slowly grinding your hips against his needing to feel him as much as he needed to feel you. Abruptly pulling away, causing a needy moan to leave your throat, already missing the feeling of his soft lips on yours, you were quickly silenced by the feeling of his tip at your aching entrance and a hand softly caressing your left cheek.

“Are you ready?” he asked with a low shushing voice brushing a loose curl behind your hair. 

You stared up at him through your lashes with wide eyes, a smile finding it’s way to your lips before nodding your head for him to continue. And with not a second passing, he thrusted into to you causing you to let out a long awaited loud moan of his name. Gradually picking up the speed of his movements, finally getting to feel you wrapped tightly around him after so long had him a moaning mess as his erratic noises matched yours. Finding your lips once again, his warm tongue explored your mouth making your moans slightly muffled as he kissed you with all the passion he could muster. Wrapping your legs around his waist, giving him easier access, you returned his actions kissing him back with all you had. He spilled his feelings and love for you with every kiss, every moan and every thrust, making you feel cherished and cared for. He was giving you pleasure only he was capable of giving and wouldn’t wish for it any other way. 

You wrapped your arms tighter around his frame, bringing him closer to you as he continued to bring your climax closer and closer with thrust and every touch to your body. You were a moaning mess and you knew you wouldn’t last much longer. His ragged breathing, his strong hold on your hips in contrast with the soft hold he had against the side of your face as he kissed you was too much for you to bare. His diligent thrust with all of those things joined together lead you to the most bone shattering orgasm you could possibly have as the scream of his name echoed around the tent. His breathing becoming more strained, you knew he was close too and after a few more thrusts he came shortly after with a low growl of your name. 

Breathlessly collapsing next to your heaving sweaty body, gasps and huffs filled the otherwise quiet tent as you both calmed down from your high. After a few seconds of only the sound of your heavy breathing, Taehyung pulled your tired frame closer to him still needing to keep you close to him. You cuddled into his side, placing your arm across his chest and tucking your face into his neck, you placed a sweet peck at the nape of it smiling at the moment you both just shared.

“Maybe we should make camping a regular thing huh?” He breathed out softly, finally catching his breath. You giggled, wrapping your arms around him tighter liking the sound of that.

“Yeah, maybe.”