#my hockey career was pretty short lived

[princessg3rard]

it's so weird to me that you play hockey, like yeah indoor rinks exist but you still live in hot place that is very far from canada (even though it's one of the few of our big sports we didn't invent)

well i quit after i had my appendix removed at the end of 6th grade, but yes i used to play hockey !! we did it with rollerblades tho bc like keeping an indoor rink at this climate runs u a hefty chunk of change :,)

i think i was pretty good ?? i played offensive a lot and got a lot of people injured lol

also the time i had my appendix removed in the middle of a tournament was the first time i got property gaslit and my mom forever holds it against my coach (i almost died bc he thought i was on my period lol)

[cheeeeseburger]

Dream girl Part 1

Next part

Sidney Crosby x Reader

Masterlist

A/N: This is so cheesy and if this happened in real life, i would run away lmao. But that's what fanfics are for, right? Anyway, English isn't my first language, apologies for the mistakes!

He wants you. He observes from afar, admiring your smooth curves, your pretty smile, the hint of cleavage shown by your short dress. Your dress is perfectly appropriate for an event such as this one, but to him, it’s obscene. He just wants to rip it off you. Watching you is better than porn.

Sidney wants you so bad that he isn’t even listening to his teammates trying to talk to him. He nods, not even registering the words. But then he sees him, and suddenly, he is very attentive.

The rookie walks up to you, and you greet him with a beautiful smile and a warm hug. Sidney’s heart skips a beat. His knuckles turn white, and he is fuming inside. You don’t know it yet, but you’re supposed to be his girl.

His his his

He watches as your boyfriend barely pays any attention to you, not even bothering to introduce you to his teammates. The stupid rookie doesn’t even grab your arm or your hand, doesn’t reach for any kind of contact between your bodies.

If you were his girl, he would have an arm snaked around you all night long and he would be so fucking proud to show you off. He would leave hickeys on your collarbones and smudge your lipstick with a kiss so everyone would know that you have a man.

The worst thing is, he had seen your boyfriend talking to a few girls after an away game. At the time, he had congratulated him on his catch, thinking he was single. Now Sidney just felt sick. He didn’t really like the rookie in the first place but now, he wanted to hire a hitman on him. Or even better, change career to become a hitman.

Soon, the rookie dared going closer to talk to him. Sidney barely even acknowledges him, instead insisting on getting to know his charming “sister”.

“Oh no, that’s not my sister. She’s actually my girlfriend.” Quickly corrected the young defensemen. Sidney already knew that, of course. “Really? I could have sworn you were single.” Sid’s words are sharp, and his teammate’s smile drops.

But you’re so sweet, and so naive, so you stay standing at your boyfriend’s side like a good girl. You should be his good girl.

He directs the conversation on you, not bothering to pretend to like the rookie. He learns many things about you. First of all, you’re so goddam young, you probably weren’t even in kindergarten when he got drafted. The math makes him feel old, but it also just adds to his desire.

Also, you’re so smart, and kind, and gentle and sweet. You’ve only spoken a few sentences, but he knows you’re his dream girl. No one will ever compare to you, and he hasn’t even tasted you. Yet.

He thinks you wouldn’t mind tasting him. He notices the flush creeping on your neck and cheeks every time he smiles at you. It makes him feel all giddy inside, live a lovesick teenage boy. He wants to give you a card that says: Be mine? Check yes or yes.

Sidney drags the conversation with the rookie for way longer, trying to keep you close to him. He talks more to you than him, and after awhile, your boyfriend slips away completely. Good. But Sid doesn’t miss the sad look in your eyes. The fact that your boyfriend doesn’t kiss the ground you walk on is mind-blowing to him. He wants to commission a thousand portraits of your face and carry your picture in his wallet.

The strap of your dress slips. Oops. Sidney puts it back in place. He wants to use his teeth, but since you’re in public, he only uses his fingers. That doesn’t prevent you from turning bright red. Cute. You can’t stop yourself from admiring his hand that leaves your shoulder. Sid wonders if you want him to use it as a necklace for you. He certainly wants to.

“You know, I used to have a crush on you. I stole a hockey card of you from my brother and I kept it under my pillow” you confess sheepishly. You add: “I was eight!” after you see the look on his face.

“Used to? Come on gorgeous, you’re breaking my heart!” You flash him a smile that could melt the ice he skates on and yeah, his heart is definitely broken.

“Sorry. You were quickly replaced by Justin Bieber, another Canadian icon.” He throws his head back in laughter, and it’s quite a sight to see. You wish you had a remote to press replay again and again.

The conversation flows so easily that it makes your head spin. Or maybe it’s just that he smells so good, and you two are getting closer and closer. Sidney is now certain: you’re the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He just needs to prove it to you.

You had completely forgotten about your boyfriend but to be fair, he had probably forgotten about you, too. Anyway, why would you need him when you’re head over heels for Sidney Crosby? You had lied to him: your crush didn’t stop at eight, it only faded when you turned 18. Right now, now a few years later, it was stronger than ever.

Sidney notices you’re wearing all gold jewelry. He wants to buy you a ring. He had never wanted to get married before, but now he wants to elope and also have the wedding of the century. He knows he is absolutely crazy, but that’s love for you, eh?

He thinks you’re into him, too. Your eyes can’t help but trail his large shoulders and his strong jaw. Your stare a second too long at his lips and he stutters. He doesn’t know how you’re able to hold such an intelligent conversation when you’re both in a silent contest of who can give the best bedroom eyes.

All is well until your boyfriend comes along to pick you up. So, he hadn’t forgotten about you after all. Sidney notices the sudden guilt in your eyes. Even though you had only talked, something definitely happened between you two. Your boyfriend must sense it, because for the first time tonight, he puts a possessive hand over your arm. The two hockey players are seemingly in a staring contest, until your boyfriend suddenly gives a very icy goodbye to his captain and drags you away.

Sidney watches you leave, and he feels a bitter wave of jealousy taking over him. He knows it’s wrong, but he’ll have to make you his.

When he sees you turning back to look at him, he knows he’s already halfway there. He's going to be your dream man.

[lilyrizzy]

your tags about hockey wag daniel….please please please please please please i need that fic!! esp the bit w the reddit posts “help i think i wanna fuck my captain’s boyfriend but i’m straight” i’m living for this idea omg

okay i can't give you fic, but I can give you some more details and FIRST we have to get to the part where daniel is the hot dreamy wag. this is what me and my bestie @catofthecanals289 came up with so far:

of course, max is still his brilliant, talented self in this sport. he and daniel meet and start dating when max is still living in the NL's at a little market where daniel is working, trying to make his (horribly overpriced) fashion business echante a real thing. the pretty colours catch max's eye, and then the even prettier guy wearing them and you know, max compliments his clothes in a deranged way and the rest is history etc etc etc..

BUT Max is like 18. and then, Max becomes an NHL first round draft pick for the boston bruins (evil), which means he and daniel are packing up and moving to north america after only like, six months of dating lol bc they're insanely gone for each other. we reckon for the first few years of max's career his relationship with daniel is probably pretty hush hush. not like a deadly secret, like daniel is the 'good friend' sometimes spotted in the friends and family box etc etc but max isn't exactly out. max never invites the guys over to his place, never picks up when he goes out with them and like doesn't lie, but when someone asks specifically 'do you have a girlfriend' it's not a lie to say 'no I do not have a girlfriend.'

and then SHOCK max, after winning a cup(!) is traded to the Dallas Stars (because we decided he is following tyler seguins career AND also because we need to give daniel some good weather at least for following max across the world). And like. max gets the call and has to be in dallas the next morning as is the way insane hockey trades go, but daniel can't fly with him because obvs he has to stay behind to pack up all their apartment and follow him later with it all loaded up in the car. and when like, the stars management ask max if he's got anyone coming with him, any other plane ticket to sort out, max is like. fuck I don't want to lie anymore, it's not correct that my boyfriend has been abandoned in a different state because no one knows about us.

so he's like, nah my boyfriend is following with our stuff in his truck:))

(management are confused)

(daniel becomes the legendary hot wag. the dallas sunshine facilitates the hot booty shorts)

[puckpocketed]

29/06/2023 - the Montreal Canadiens select Jacob Fowler 69th overall | y // 1/09/2023 - Inside the Canadiens Draft Meetings, 2023

Jacob Fowler — an introduction, a collection of media

I’ll give you three shooters, and you can tell me if they’re righty, lefty, passer, or shooter. Perfect. Okay. Harvey, Chicago? He’s a passer. He’s a lefty. Lefty. (pause) Perron? Perron’s a shooter and he’s a righty. He’s got a really good shot. Fine? Fine’s a righty. Didn’t see too much of him this year. I’d say he’s a — he’s probably more of a passer, yeah. So you know your stuff. I do. You could probably go up and down the whole USHL and I could name… righty, lefty… Okay, now, how did you… When did you start studying it like that? I don’t think it was ever a ‘study’ as much as just — not even a photo memory — just; you play against those guys and if you want to stop those guys, you’re going to figure out real quick if he’s a righty or a lefty if you want to stop the puck. I mean you can’t… You can’t play your short side wrong if it’s a righty on his one side or a lefty on the other side, so… I think if you don’t know what hands they are, or if they’re a shooter or a passer, you’re not going to be very successful.

[Fowler at the scouting combine, speaking to a Canadiens psychologist] But I’m more interested in the guy who’s really inside, right? Yeah. Tell me about him. Tell me what makes him friggin’ tick. I’ve been, y’know, doubted and… Yeah! Here we go! I’ve had to prove people wrong my entire career. Of course you have, yeah! I sat in my living room in a shirt and tie with my whole family and watched, y’know, five or six hours of the entire OHL [Ontario Hockey League] Draft, the entire USHL [United States Hockey League] Draft and — to never see your name pop up on that screen is… It’s a pretty crappy feeling. To know that you played in the National Championship, you played in the national tournament twice; you’ve won just about every youth championship you could win in North America… To never be talked to, or to never see your name pop up is — it’s terrible. I don’t read too much into the different awards, but… To win the award of Goalie of the Year in this league that I was undrafted [in] — nobody wanted me. There were 16 teams and not a single one of them wanted me. I had to go out and prove that, every single night, that you messed with the wrong guy and Youngstown was just fortunate enough that I ended up in their corner. That feeling sticks with me every day, and… The last thing I want is any organisation to look back and wish they would’ve taken a chance on me because all I’ve done is prove people wrong.

Where do I even begin with Jacob Fowler? Scouts and pundits and fans have taken note — the Canadiens have had a distinct vision with their past few drafts under the Kent Hughes regime: culture and character. Jacob Fowler is yet another piece. In what I figure is typical Montreal media fashion, he's being hailed as the next goalie-of-the-future, as Carey Price come again. Big hair, big expectations, and a big fucking chip on his shoulder — that's Jacob Fowler. Also Jacob Fowler: a goalie who has always performed, always been at the bleeding edge of every leader board, a goalie who makes every net his.

The stats are the least notable thing about Fowler. Plenty of young goalies have put up good stats. It's not about his sv%, for me. It's about all the rest of it. It's the candidness with which he tells his story. It's the intensity of his complexes — borne from years of being overlooked.

Jacob Fowler rattles off skaters and their tendencies and thinks of it as a given that you should know these things by rote if you want to make saves. Jacob Fowler knows how good he is, he remembers every single instance where he'd been ignored when it came time to pick, and he's seemingly simmered this anger for just as long as he's understood it. That's what makes me care.

There's love of the game, and there's this. He's a fascinating case study: undeniably elite, yet somehow passed over again and again; confident and on the verge of cocky; calm, but only in the way the surface of a rip current hides it's pull. He's picking a fight with everyone who doubted him each time he gets in net. He's looking at the yawning chasm of where Carey Price used to be and he's going to jump. Against the searing lights of playing in Montreal? He says, "I don't think I could write the script any better. I want to be a Montreal Canadien, and I want to win a Stanley Cup for them. As a competitor, I don't want it to be easy. I think — I want the bright lights, I want the big stage, and y'know I said earlier pressure is a privilege."

It might all be bluster. It might be a media-trained, canned response. I was convinced.

x | y // x | y

[Exchange between the Canadiens' scouting team] Martin Lapointe: So, Billy, you're saying you would put Fowler ahead of [redacted]? Bobby Ryan: Yes, 100%. Fowler shows up every time and wins. It's, it's like almost — it's crazy. No one's saying Fowler was 'good' growing up. He was the best growing up. He's (redacted goalie) not better than Fowler. Like if we're playing a game right now and I said, "Alright, I'm gonna — you pick your team, we all got..." Vincent Riendeau: We're talking about the NHL today? They're not facing the NHL today. These guys will face them at 24, 25. BR: I know, but what I'm saying... He's ready — he already mastered... He's mastered his position. The other guys haven't. They have the tools. They haven't figured out in their head how to fuckin' win games. This kid does it. He's been doing it since he was like 10 years old. And he wants to do it. [...] We're all working towards the same goal. We're trying to win a Stanley Cup and... I'd want the kid who wins the most. Never been not the top goalie, ever. Ever. Look at the numbers. He's never not been the top goalie in the entire league. Not like — not the starter. He's never not been the highest save percentage in every league he's ever been in. VR: I can't deny it... I can't — but... BR: I just think we're going to regret not taking this kid.

I'm cheering for Jacob Fowler not because I think it's a sure-fire bet — he might never make it, and more promising prospects have fizzled out before — I'm cheering for him because I'm unbelievably excited to see him try.

[svechnikovvv]

moving forward

pairing: trevor zegras x fem!reader

warnings: profanity, shitty father

summary: new beginnings

a/n: can we all appreciate this gif of z? but holy fucking shit. we reached 400 followers??? already???

gif creds: @mattymartin

masterlist: here

my dad was one of those dads where dating was forbidden for me. if i even mentioned the topic of dating, he’d shut me down immediately.

so when he found the polaroid of trevor and i in my room, he was livid.

***

i was walking around campus, enjoying the scenery when i get a string of messages from my dad.

where are you?

get home

right now.

i was freaking out. i don’t know what i did this time. it’s always like this with him. constantly walking on egg shells because he’s so hard to please. nothing i do satisfies him. he’ll always find something to be mad about with me.

i rush home, because i know if i don’t get there in record time, my ass is screwed. luckily, campus was ten minutes from home, so my drive is short and quick.

i head inside the house, scared for what’s to come.

“dad?” i call out and i walk into the living room and see him sitting on the couch, staring at the coffee table in front of him.

“sit down” i take a seat on one of the recliners and i’m looking at him, anxiously waiting.

“mind telling me what this is?” he nods his head at the coffee table and i see a polaroid picture. but not just any picture. it’s a picture i took of trevor and i where he’s kissing my cheek.

“how’d you get that?”

“answer my question first.” his tone raises and i scoff, which throws him for a loop. i wasn’t one to really fight back with my father because i know how awful he can get when angry, but my room is my room.

“no. my room is my privacy. you shouldn’t be in there in the first place.”

“what have i told you about dating?”

“you can’t constantly control every aspect of my life. you’ve done that for the past 20 years and i hate it.”

“then leave.”

“i cant! i have a savings account for college that you won’t let me access. i could be living on fucking campus right now, but noooo, i have to live here with you! you just can’t stand not being in control, can you?” i scoff and grab the picture, heading up to my room.

***

i‘ve locked myself in my room and i’ve been in here just sitting on my bed for the past hour. staring at the ceiling wondering why i have to put up with this everyday. i then hear three taps on my window. i get up and walk over to it, opening my blinds and seeing trevor standing on my little balcony i had. i open the window, looking around frantically. i usher him inside and tell him to be quiet.

“you shouldn’t be here.” he places a hand over his heart and gasps.

“that’s no way to greet your boyfriend.” i sniffle and shake my head.

“seriously, trev. i don’t want something to happen to you.” his demeanor changes and he cups my face with his hands.

“babe, hey, talk to me. what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” he’s looking at me intently and i just shake my head.

“dad found out about you and i.” he pulls me into a hug and cradles me to him.

“it shouldn’t matter what he says, right? he’s a prick and his first marriage didn’t last. so who is he to judge us?” he then pulls apart and wipes away the tears from under my eyes. “listen to what i’m about to say, okay?” i nod

“i don’t care what your dad thinks of me or us. i want you. all of you. the highs and the lows. i’m in it for the long haul. so screw what he thinks. he’s breaking you, baby. and it hurts my heart to see it. you’re this ray of sunshine and i can see you’re slowly starting to dull. for that, i resent him. i love you so much.”

i stare at trevor and wonder what i ever did to deserve him.

“move in with me.” he says and my eyes widen

“won’t that mess with your hockey career?” i sniffle and he quietly laughs and shakes his head.

“you could never mess with me. it’d be more encouragement, actually. because then, i’d have someone to look forward to coming home to. it’s not even a home, actually. not without you.” i smile and he smiles back.

“yeah.” he perks up

“yeah?” i nod and he picks me up, spinning me around. he gently places me back on the ground and gives me a deep kiss. then we pull apart and just stare at one another for a second.

“now, i believe we have some packing to do?”

tags: @goldenbrokenheart @woodruff-edwards @hockeyboysarehot @ajbird2010 @hughesx3 @hannahh01938 @theywantedplayer @k1ttyt3ar

a/n: we could all use a trevor

[dvar-trek]

February Romance Roundup

what a fucking month! most of these books were bad, but the good ones were so fucking good that i got scared to read anything else in case i had to knock them out of the top spots. mostly what i did instead was learn too much about real hockey players. i, uh. i don't want to talk about what my wikipedia history looks like right now. ANYWAY!

the best of:

there's a tie for first place. sorry. it's my roundup and i make the rules.

Season's Change by Cait Nary- book one in the Trade Season series. if i can convince you to read one hockey romance book, please let it be this one. the yearning. the fucking tenderness. fuck. a veteran player (who is Going Thru It after having been harassed off his previous team) catches feelings for his roommate/teammate, who is. definitely for sure straight don't even worry about it. they help each other, like, grow as people and rebuild their lives, and it's funny and fond and it made my fucking chest hurt. it is really nothing like the captive prince trilogy, but the vibes are the same. i always read my faves multiple times, but i don't even want to tell you how many times i've already re-read this book. i am so fucking soft for these characters i can't even tell you.

Unwritten Rules by KD Casey- bounced off of this twice before i got sucked in, and then it rocketed to the top of the list. another one that is so fuckign tender. two guys who love each so goddamned much, but break up because one of them is entirely unable to stomach the idea of anyone else in the entire world knowing that he's gay (like, including other gay people), and the other one is suffocating under the pressure of not being able to be out to even his family or closest friends. and then a year and a half after the breakup, they see each other again and it is. exquisitely painful. and they have to decide how to work through it. yes this is another sports romance. don't @me. (also, pro tip, pretty reliable way to make me cry: give me a story with people who are so fucking in love, but the love isn't enough. whether or not it has a happy ending, i will cry every time i talk about it forever.)

the rest of:

loved | liked | okay | didn't like

hockey

 ●Contract Season by Cait Nary (second book in the Trade Season series. obviously had high hopes, considering, as discussed above, the first one wrecked me, but it is simply not as good. country singer and hockey player who hooked up one time get outed. in order to try and keep this from torpedoing their careers, they agree to pretend to be dating for the cameras. the plot had some weird back-and-forths, like, they both just kept fucking up the relationship in the same ways over and over. also, one of them was named Seamus, went by "Shay" for short, but spelled it "Sea". authors, please do not fucking do this. i have 25+ years of practice reading the word "sea" and it was so much work to get my brain to read this with the intended pronunciation.)  ●Game Changer by Rachel Reid (book 1 in the Game Changers series. i had high hopes for this one too, because book 2 of this series is one of the most beloved stories in m/m hockey romance. however. it's not great. closeted hockey player fucks his way into a relationship for the first time in his life. but then after like, 2 fucking months, the boyfriend is like "if you don't come out, you have no integrity and also i will need to break up with you because i'm suffocating" which! the narrative treats as being the straightforwardly correct opinion! like, i'm sorry, queer couples have been dealing with not being out, or not being out to everyone, since forever. and the disagreement is not handled anywhere near as well as it is in Unwritten Rules. very difficult to take it seriously. idk. the writing is. fine. still on the waitlist for book 2, but 😕)  ●Winging It (2015 edition) by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James (i'm giving myself credit for this even though i read the 2022 edition last month because it is essentially an entirely different book. the sex scenes are hotter than in the new edition, but it is otherwise weaker in every way. i give you permission to just skip this one.)  ●Crushed Ice by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James (the newly released Hockey Ever After book 4. not as good as the first 3, but still basically enjoyable and funny. just features way too many things that are extremely unlikely. this one is about an incredibly uptight veteran player and his rookie who is. uh. well, his nickname is Trouble, if that gives you an idea. loved the characters, did not love the romance.)  ●Road Rules by Brigham Vaughn (nothing really wrong with it, but also nothing in particular to recommend it. novella-length story about best friends/teammates/roommates who start sleeping together even though they are both straight. and then it takes them basically the entire book to figure out that they're probably not straight, and also that everyone already thought they were dating anyway.)  ●Hockey Guys by Sarina Bowen (these books feature very different characters, but have basically the same premise (closeted nhl player starts an ill-advised secret relationship with another man that they maintain is casual even though they catch feelings way too fast) and the same weaknesses (incredibly awkward and unnatural dialogue, and sex that's still hot enough but pretty formulaic). every time i start a sarina bowen book, i think it's going to be so much better than it is. i don't know why i'm still doing this to myself either.)     ○The New Guy     ○I'm Your Guy

sports that are not hockey

 ●Dirty Players by KD Casey and Lauren Blakely (two baseball short stories in the same universe as Unwritten Rules. first one is about players on rival teams in the same city that have long-standing sexual tension. second one is about players in different divisions who have a one-night stand, and then end up traded to the same team. it is incredibly rare ime to find original romance novellas/short stories that still have good pacing, especially if there are sex scenes, and these both fucking nail it. not exactly groundbreaking works of fiction, but top marks for what they are.)     ○Dirty Slide     ○Dirty Steal  ●Top of Her Game by M. Ullrich (y'all i tried so fucking hard to give this a fair chance because i know how embarrassingly little femslash i have on these lists, but i only made it halfway through. which is better than i did on any of the other femslash books i tried to pick up this month. it's not even that bad, it's just not any fun. at all. Kenzie is a rookie soccer player who ends up on the same professional team as Sutton, her idol/celebrity crush. Sutton already has a girlfriend, and also has a bad habit of falling for rookies who worship her, but ? it's different this time ??? because Kenzie's not like other girls????? i don't know, man.)  ●Playing for Keeps by Riley Hart and Neve Wilder (story time: my mom grew up in china during the cultural revolution. foreign literature and anything that wasn't communist enough was illegal, and having it in your possession could get you arrested or worse. but my mom had a classmate whose dad had been a bookseller, and had a secret personal collection of great literature that he couldn't bear to part with, including shakespeare, tolstoy, dostoevsky, and verne. and this classmate used to smuggle in books that she would lend to my mom for one day at a time, and then return them before her dad noticed they were missing. so my mom read a lot of classics really really fast. the way she finished war and peace in one day was, in her words, by "skipping all the war". similarly, the way i got through a mediocre gay (american) football romance series was by skipping all the football. anyway, these are fine, but the writing quality takes a dive in the third.)     ○Rookie Move (rookie player ends up on the same football team as his older brother's best friend, on whom he has a long-standing crush. they get assigned to be road roommates—which, side note, football players make hundreds of thousands to millions of dollars a year, there is no way they make standard-contract players have road roommates—and start having casual sex, which obviously leads to no complications or emotions whatsoever.)     ○False Start (mid-career player gets traded to the city his ex used to play for (and still lives in). ends up moving in to his spare room until he can find a new place, and they start having casual sex, which is always a good idea, and of course leads to no complications or emotions whatsoever.)     ○Illegal Contact (rival players who grew up in the same town have hate sex that gets very intense and possessive very fast. and. as you might guess. definitely leads to no complications or emotions whatsoever.)

everything else

 ●String Theory by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James (i'm just gonna link you the goodreads description because i honestly don't know what else to say about this book. it's fine. the sex scenes are nothing special. there's a fair amount of therapy-speak. honestly not sure how these writers produce romances of such incredibly variable quality.)  ●His Leading Man by Ashlyn Kane (tbh i have the exact same comments as above. here's the summary. nothing major to complain about or compliment.)  ●Winner Bakes All by Alexis Hall     ○Rosaline Palmer Takes the Cake (single mom competes on what is, for legal reasons, not the great british bake off. about what you expect from an Alexis Hall romance. sweet, so fucking funny, and a little awkward. the characters that suck really fucking suck, and the characters that you like are imperfect and lovable. doesn't quite measure up to my other Alexis Hall faves, but it's been a rough month. i'm grading on a curve.)     ○Paris Daillencourt is About to Crumble (takes place on the following season of not-bake-off. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. this book is very funny and well-written, but i found it so incredibly painful to read. the pov character has the kind of undiagnosed, untreated anxiety that results in him constantly crying and apologizing profusely for how much he sucks, while continuing to make life very difficult for the people around him. when i got past the halfway point and he still wasn't in therapy, i seriously considered stopping. if you are a better and more patient person than i am, you may still love this book.)  ●Roommate by Sarina Bowen (two guys in a small farm town rent a house together and fall in love. simply not very good! i don't think the author knows anything about the jobs she gave her main characters. it also does the thing where they both know they're into each other, but they won't just be together because ??? hand-wavey reasons ?? and then for other inexplicable hand-wavey reasons, they decide to just go for it. this is infuriating to me.)

thank you for participating in this roundup of highly variable quality! as a reward, please accept this special-edition photo of polwygle.

[armoricaroyalty]

15 OC Questions

1. Are you named after anyone?

JACQUES: Pretty much everyone in my family is named after someone else. One of my middle names, Salim, is after my grandfather, who died before I was born. VIVIENNE: I'm not named after anyone, but 'Vivienne' was the name my parents picked out to use if my older sibling was a girl.

2. When was the last time you cried?

JACQUES: I don't cry. VIVIENNE: That's not true. JACQUES: [emphatically] I don't cry. VIVIENNE: He cried at our wedding. JACQUES: I did not. VIVIENNE: He did. And when our son was born. JACQUES: She cries all the time. VIVIENNE: [laughs] I'm an emotional person.

3. Do you have kids?

JACQUES: Just one, but— VIVIENNE: I've got my hands full with baby Hugo! JACQUES: I'd like to have another baby. Or two. What do you think, darling? VIVIENNE: We'll see.

4. Do you use sarcasm?

VIVIENNE: That's not really my style... JACQUES: Nah, if she's being mean she just does it straight up. VIVIENNE: [laughs] Jacques! JACQUES: I love it, though. I wouldn't have it any other way.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

VIVIENNE: Oh, I don't know. Hair color? Eye color? You know, physical stuff. Things like that. JACQUES: I just try to size them up, if I could take them in a fight. VIVIENNE: [laughs] He's kidding. That's a joke. JACQUES: You don't know that.

6. What's your eye color?

JACQUES: We both have brown eyes. VIVIENNE: You're supposed to say my eyes are beautiful, babe. JACQUES: Her eyes are beautiful. VIVIENNE: Thank you.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

VIVIENNE: I love happy endings. We both do. JACQUES: [nods] She hates being scared.

8. Any special talents?

VIVIENNE: Jacques is an internationally-ranked alpine skier. He won medals in all the youth divisions. JACQUES: She used to sing.

9. Where were you born?

JACQUES: I was born at Breizh Medical Center, same as all my siblings. It's a royal tradition. VIVIENNE: I was born at home, in Nordienne, on the west coast.

10. What are your hobbies?

VIVIENNE: Isn't this the same question as before? JACQUES: Yeah. I ski, she sings.

11. Have you any pets?

VIVIENNE: [laughs] I'll let him answer that. JACQUES: We just adopted a kitten. We named it Frank, before we realized it was a girl. VIVIENNE: Now her name is Frankie.

12. What sports do you play/have played?

VIVIENNE: Not many people know this, but I was a champion kickballer, back in the day. JACQUES: Nobody wants to hear about that. VIVIENNE: [laughs] JACQUES: I started focusing on my skiing career pretty young, but before that, I did all kinds of stuff. I was a really big hockey player, but my parents said it was too violent. So they made me switch to non-contact sports, like swimming and skiing. But I was always better at skiing, so.

13. How tall are you?

JACQUES: I'm 6'2'' (188 cm) VIVIENNE: People think I'm short, but I'm not. I'm 5'7'' (170 cm). [laughs] He's a giant, he makes me look short!

14. Favorite subject in school?

VIVIENNE: I loved school. I loved all of my classes, but if I had to pick a favorite...history, maybe? Or literature. I loved chemistry, too, but I think that the humanities were always my best subject. I loved calc, too, but— JACQUES: My favorite subject was gym.

15. Dream job?

JACQUES: Professional athlete. It still might happen. VIVIENNE: I'm living it, aren't I? It's hard to imagine doing anything else.

Previous | Chapter Start | From the Beginning | Next

author's note: Sorry for the slow response...it occurred to me I could do this in-character, so it had to wait until it made sense in the narrative! I was tagged by @nilonne, @trhor, @bridgeportbritt, and @ardeney-sims.

I tag anyone who hasn't had the chance but still wants to participate!

[orsonke]

if you’re hearing ARE YOU SATISFIED by MARINA playing, you have to know ORSON KE (HE/HIM; TRANSMASCULINE) is near by! the TWENTY TWO year old NHL PLAYER has been in denver for, like, NINE MONTHS. they’re known to be quite INTENSE, but being AMBITIOUS seems to balance that out. or maybe it’s the fact that they resemble CHELLA MAN. personally, i’d love to know more about them seeing as how they’ve got those RESTLESS FINGERS, FEELING THE BASS IN YOUR CHEST, WELL WORN JERSEY/HOODIE COMBO vibes. and maybe i’ll get my chance if i hang out around the RIVER NORTH ARTS DISTRICT long enough! 

BASICS

full name: orson ryan ke

age: twenty two (born august nineteenth)

gender: transmasculine

pronouns: he/him

sexuality: gay

ethnicity: chinese, ashkenazi jewish

nationality: american

occupation: left wing for the colorado avalanches (nhl)

BACKGROUND

grew up in minneapolis to divorced parents, who were the most incompatible people ever, though it was only really started to show when they had orson. they disagreed heavily on how to raise a child, and ended up splitting when he was only three years old. his whole life was spent in two deeply different worlds.

his mother, a criminal lawyer, believes that "you don't need to be your child's friend," and so never attempted to connect with him really. she pushed him hard in school, sports, music, but never showed much care into who he was, or if he was okay, believing that you should never settle, always striving for more no matter the cost, and so ended up being very critical in everything, even the things he did well.

his father, on the other hand, had never been the driven sort, a trust fund baby who was perfectly content living on other people's coattails. he was more focused on his own life than really being involved in orson's. more casual friends than father and child, only showing a polite interest in what he was doing. when the going got tough, his father was more likely to leave him to figure it out for himself, if he even realized there was a problem at all.

it seemed that no matter what he did, he couldn't satisfy either of his parents, who both saw a reflection of the parent in him. seeking approval elsewhere, he started playing hockey when he was ten. it was a godsend, and not just because he was talented on the ice. a community of people who needed him. his parents didn't get, his father was never a sports guy, and his mom thought he didn't have the focus to commit to a sport.

orson has spent his entire career trying to win their approval, not that he's realized it. ever hungry for success, part of why he's become so good is that feeling that things he do are never good enough. he's always training, often at expense of any sort of social life.

this became clear during college. scouted by university of michigan, he spent his four years in college either training or studying (since his mom would never accept anything less than dean's list). when most people were discovering themselves, he was dedicating himself to his craft.

last summer he graduated, promptly joining the colorado avalanches. in a completely new place, with a completely different team, orson is painfully aware of how lost he feels outside of hockey. filling his time outside of it with elaborate parties, meaningless flings, he puts on a front that is very different than who he really is, but there are times where he feels like he doesn't know who that person really is.

PLATONIC

orson is very social, though not always the most friendly. he can be a little full of himself, but if you can stomach it, he's a pretty good friend. an extrovert, he prefers to be with other people than by himself, so he's always spending time with one friend or another (when he's not spending time with the team). however, he's not very good at letting him get close to him, and very rarely talks about what's bothering him. this leads to some (most) friendships feeling superficial, though he wants something deeper.

ROMANTIC

in short, orson is terrible at relationships. past the casual stage, he is far too focused on his career, and can be inadvertently critical of his partners. in the casual stage, he can be a fun partner, though again not very serious about the relationship, or even the other person's feelings.

ANTAGONISTIC

orson can very an abrasive personality, seemingly arrogant and unconcerned with other people. those not charmed by his smiles or talents or wealth find him annoying, two dimensional, and a vapid athlete. always defensive, orson doesn't try to win over those who don't like him, preferring always to poke the bear and win.

MISCELANOUS

orson is deaf, with 40% hearing loss. he wears hearing aids, and can speak, but also uses asl

very, very competitive in literally everything. the kind of guy to race you to the end of the street for literally no reason.

very into fashion, but mostly streetwear. more money than sense, he sometimes wears the ugliest outfits you've ever seen but swears they are fire

[padfootprongslet]

It’s been five and a half months since Carey Price last manned the net for the Montreal Canadiens, a 37-save victory that wound up as the last of his five appearances for the club in 2021-22. Whether the former Hart Trophy winner is able to one day return for another one remains to be seen, but it seems he hasn’t yet given up hope.

“I still have a desire to play the game,” Price said in a recent interview with The Athletic’s Arpon Basu. “I go to training camp, right at the start of training camp, and I see all the kids, they’re getting ready. It’s like part of me is still … I still want to win, you know? So there’s a little bit of unfinished business there.

“But I’m also looking at it, like, what kind of damage would I do to my knee if I didn’t do the surgery and I tried to play again? Well, I’ve been told that I can do some pretty serious damage to my knee if I were to do that. And I’m not really looking to have a knee replacement done in five years.”

The surgery the 35-year-old is facing is an osteochondral autograft transfer, according to Basu.

“I have a large hole in the cartilage of my knee, basically where my knee impinges,” Price explained. “They would basically take a plug of bone and cartilage out of a lower-wear area in my knee, and then place that plug into the damaged area in my knee. So, it’s pretty intrusive.”

The success rate of the autograft transfer has also given him pause. Price’s doctors have informed him there’s roughly a 75-per cent chance of the surgery working as intended.

“It’s probably lower than that. That would be optimistic,” he told The Athletic. “And that’s just for a surgery for people that are just going about their day, for the surgery to be successful. I look at that more on the pessimistic side, like, what if it doesn’t work and I had this surgery and now I can’t walk up and down a hill or kneel down to play with my kids?

“…I feel like that’s a surgery I wouldn’t do unless I was in a certain amount of pain and really not living well, which is not the case.”

Complicating the issue further are the other health concerns that stretch beyond his knee.

“I have a hip issue and an ankle issue all down the same chain, so I kind of figured that would be a problem towards the end of my career. I have a back issue, too. So it’s not just my knee. It’s other parts of my body that are screaming at me too.”

If he doesn’t get another chance to suit up in a Canadiens sweater, Price will leave the game as a pivotal figure in the team's history, an all-time great for an organization not short on them. The 15-year vet has logged 712 games in the big leagues up to this point, all for Montreal, stringing together a 361-261-79 record, a career .917 save percentage, and 49 career shutouts.

For now, though, it seems No. 31’s focus is on getting back to normal off the ice, before his attention returns to life on it.

“I’m just kind of taking it step-by-step, really,” Price told Basu. “Again, my knee still isn’t doing great. Like, I’m still not walking up a set of stairs pain-free yet. I still don’t feel like my knee’s in a place where I’m going to be able to play hockey. I still am getting swelling in my knee, even in my day-to-day living. It’s not a great-looking outlook as far as a hockey career when you’re struggling to get up and down stairs.

“So, I’m just trying to stay positive, and just trying to get my body to a place where I’m healthy enough to be pain-free in my day-to-day. That’s kind of my main priority right now.”

carey price for sportsnet on his health.

[workingforitallthetime]

If one were interested in learning more about the USNTDP boys, where would that person turn? Are there any primers, seminal texts, etc you recommend? Thank you!!

oh boy oh boy oh boy! a chance to compile so many links that i have been helplessly texting my pals for the last eight months as i fell all the way down this rabbit hole!

first, let's define our terms. by "the USNTDP boys," i assume we are referring to the core members of the USNTDP class of 2019, most of whom were drafted in the first round in 2019 and also formed the core of the 2021 team usa world juniors gold medal squad. theirs is considered to be the best class the NTDP has ever produced, and also a uniquely close and fun group.

to my knowledge there is no single picture of all eight key dudes in this pack. this one comes close, or this one. or this video, which captures the group dynamic as well as anything. also, the night of their draft they had a karaoke party and wore each other's jerseys. (god, look at trevor and cole and jack's expressions in that first pic, just daring you to question them.)

if you want to get more of a feel for the group dynamic, just read their commentary on pretty much any one of their instagram posts. this podcast, in which the interviewers ask cole, turcs, and trevor to describe each of their teammates in one word, is also seminal. for example:

interviewer: matt boldy? trevor: quirky. interviewer: he said you were dumb. trevor: ok, i'm gonna say he's a little chubby then.

here's a quick summary and some links for everybody. i'm gonna focus on material that is relevant to the group dynamic, so this should not be considered a comprehensive primer on any of these individuals. but please know i am happy to expound further on anything mentioned below.

trevor zegras: westchester county prep school rich kid, drafted ninth overall by the ducks, one-and-done at boston university. trevor is cocky, charismatic, and creative. his prep school coach called him dennis the menace. he is incapable of sitting still. he looks like an absolute idiot at all times, and he is fully aware of that and does not mind it a bit. he is my favorite.

cole caufield: wisconsin native, drafted 15th by the habs, spent two years at wisconsin. absolutely shattered the NTDP record for career goals. you are probably aware of his pretty impressive rookie showing in the playoffs. he is always smiling and he has the kind of confidence you can only get away with if you're short. asked to describe cole, the only word matt boldy could think of is cute.

alex turcotte: suburban chicago kid, drafted fifth overall by the kings, one-and-done at wisconsin. nothing ever seems to go right for turcs. he was drafted higher than everyone else except jack but stalled in the AHL while they all made their NHL debuts. he was the 1C of the future, and then the kings drafted quinton byfield a year later. he was supposedly the next best center after jack, and then trevor outshone him at world juniors. fiercely competitive and maybe even more driven than most to play through injury. was in charge of the aux cord in the ntdp locker room.

spencer knight: connecticut native, drafted 13th by the florida panthers, spent two years at boston college. he's your typical goalie, weird and hyper-focused, like carter hart if carter hart was an east coast prep school bro. trevor and spencer went to avon old farms together before the ntdp.

matt boldy: another boston-area boy, drafted 12th by the wild, spent two years at boston college. boldy is the serious, quirky one. he and cole got very into bowling. the running joke is that he has a dad bod. trevor adores him.

cam york: socal roller boy, drafted 14th by the flyers, played two years at michigan. these dudes all voted cam to be their captain. turcs is awed by his hockey smarts. extremely into fishing, seems even more bro-y than the rest of them. has ginger hair that stands straight up every time he tries to grow it out, and thighs that i spend a completely normal amount of time thinking about.

patrick moynihan: boston-area native, drafted in the sixth round by the devils, currently of providence college. pat is important because he is everybody's favorite. here is a video of jack convincing the devils to draft pat. the naked fondness on his face should be illegal.

jack hughes: thanks to jack going 1OA, you can google plenty of material about him, so i'm not gonna bother to summarize. jack was the only one of these guys to skip college entirely, and maybe he shouldn't have. of relevance to the group dynamic, turcs lived with him during the program. hosted a gathering at the hughes summer compound in august 2020 that should feature in every team usa fic ever.

go forth down that rabbit hole, anon, and come back here and suffer with me anytime.

[samuclit]

Love Foolish

miya atsumu x reader

tags: angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship, mature, a little smut (define little on your own), 7.8K words

Summary: Miya Atsumu didn't realise that he was actually counting the days he spent with you while being your boyfriend. The step-process to how your relationship with him rekindles every time a new day begins was not as apparent as it seems to be, but he sure knew that the dreaded day when it comes to an end will never come.

This is an old piece that I worked on last year...I am terribly sorry for the way I post this fic I am not good with tumblr yall this is harder than my degree 

........................

Day 153

Atsumu was exhausted. He just got back from training with the college team for a few weeks already. He needs to catch up with the college team even though the time he spent away was used for his training with the MSBY Black Jackals team. He was advised by his family members, team coach and his friends that he should not miss out on any practice without a valid reason and should diligently claim his spot on both teams with the most outstanding effort and attitude so he followed, believed that this is for the best in order to build his volleyball career he was always so passionate about since he was in middle school. If only Osamu joins him, he thinks it won’t be as draining as it is right now.

Everyone in college knows Miya Atsumu, he is too perfect. The handsome look, tall and built figure, his diligence in both studies and shaping his career, to top it all off he is charming and is a ladies’ man. He could make every girl fall for him the instant he flashes his smirk that has been scientifically proven to be a bait for everyone in this universe. One small talk he could get girls on his bed, spending the whole night snogging off each other and leaving them whenever he got annoyed with the sudden disturbance. You happen to be one of the girls who got in his bed, goes on several dates with him, but this time you were one of the people who last longer than a week, and then a month and few more months after that. He assumes and waits for you to be the one ending the relationship but it won’t even come, and he is already tired of waiting.

So, he makes you tired. He doesn't want anything to be on his way at all, and you in the equation is making him disturbed at some times. During the first few weeks of dating, you often invite him for a date at the coffee shop which he obliges only for the reason to not break your feelings even though he has some tasks which are more important at hand. You are nice, but he isn’t. He told Suna that you deserve better. 

It has also been roughly two weeks since he last talked to you, and deep in his heart he kind of wants your nagging presence around him, just to distract him from the truckload of stress he’s carrying on his shoulders. So he texted you.

You: [Name], are ya coming or not. Been thinking of binging that Netflix series you’ve been babbling about.

[Name]: Ah sorry, it’s girls’ night with Midori and her gf. 

You: I see. Have fun. 

Seen.

That’s weird. You said it yourself that you wanted to binge on the weekends with him, after he finished with this practice for the week, and also he thinks that’s just you trying to make up with him after your first argument with him. It is...nobody’s fault, he thinks. He doesn’t want to blame himself and you, partially because you were really upset that day that you raised your voice and he didn’t chase you after you ran out of the apartment. It is just a silly argument. He doesn't want to think about it that much. 

As he took a shower and dressed himself in a fresh new pair of t-shirt and black sweatpants, he plopped himself on the sofa and went through Netflix to find something worth watching. He saw the show you wanted to watch ; Pretty Little Liars. Ah it’s not even a Netflix series, it’s just a series which is available on Netflix. Seems like he wasn’t even attentive to what you said. 

Before he falls asleep, he walks down the memory lane, to remember how exactly you and Atsumu could last this long in a relationship.

Day 0

The party seems to be a hit! His seniors on the volleyball team joined hands with the football team to conduct a party to celebrate post-sports festival of Tokyo U that happened for a week long and the party is held at the dorms outside of the campus so the board of education won’t meddle, with the promise that there aren’t drugs involved. Which is okay, the athletes are supposed to stay away from drugs and they’re disciplined enough to consider their life decisions. 

He was simply just hanging around in the living room of the dorm, which is a terrace house in a neighbourhood a few kilometres away, talking to his friends, Suna and Komori, who are his teammates in the college team. Komori used to go to the same Youth Camp with Atsumu so they knew each other since then. “Huh, sick party. I didn’t think there would be too many people here.” Komori said as he chugs down his cold beer, swaying a little after he finishes with a slightly long chug. “Senpai said just the athletes of the college are invited, but it seems like the whole campus crashed together. Lunatics.” Atsumu said as he plopped down on the bean bag and leaned his head back. Suna calls out.

“Oi, Midori is here. I invited her.” Atsumu is familiar with Midori, he has never been close with her but he knows of her since they went to the same high school together. The three pairs of eyes went towards the door together to greet Midori, with you tailing behind her. “Hey, glad ya made it!” Suna lunges forward and grabs Midori in a hug. “Yeah, cool place, I’m sorry I don’t have a plus one to bring with so I just drag my friend along. Hey, this is [Name]. Go say hi and be friends!” Midori pushed the other girl, which he heard to be [Name], also a familiar name. “Oh wait...you guys must have not have known about her...we went to the same school man...” Midori pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. It is sad that not many people know about small girls like [Name] that much. 

Indeed, you went to the same school and you’re in a completely different league than Atsumu, he was and still is the famous athlete that has the entire girls’ population wrapped around his fingers. You’re around the circle of...top scorers who are active in volunteers and some other stuff Atsumu was not into. “Oh, is she another one of your hockey teammates?” you continue hiding behind Midori’s taller frame. Midori pulled you away and hugged your waist, giving support. “Come on now, babe say hi, they’re our friends” you glared at her with a smug look. “Hye, it’s [Name]. I’m not an athlete, I’m a political science major, pleasure to meet ya” your eyes tried to glance from Suna to Komori and to Atsumu but you averted your eyes away from him as soon as it landed on him. You look cute in just a rock concert t-shirt with black jeans shorts and plain converse. Classic party look, but you are not the type to go to parties because...assignments and stress are getting through you  which explains why you’re all fidgety. Midori knows there’s more to that, cause you’re a very wild extrovert at some time.

“Hey, enjoy the party, drinks and snacks are down there, the toilet is on another end, help yerself.” Atsumu pats on your shoulder and moves past you to greet his other friends who crashed the party. You’re petrified, to say the least and moved quick on your heels to head to the bathroom for some reality check. The environment is overwhelming. 

Atsumu gets tired easily even after downing a can of beer but he isn’t exactly drunk. He is just tired with the lots of conversations and the girls from other courses trying to talk to him, wanting the conversation in a bedroom which he said no to, he is a responsible man. He is not going to do it with them when in their drunken stupor. However, his endless denials are stopped with a sudden disturbance right in front of him.

Midori is on a couch, with a girl and was playing with her hair and occasionally rubbing her thigh and before they closed in someone threw a beer cup at Midori. “What the hell? Leave me alone!” Midori turned his body to see a bulked up guy whose name Atsumu doesn’t remember behind the couch, looming over the two figures sitting on the couch. It’s going to get ugly. 

“What the fuck, you leave us alone! Why the hell are homos here. Get out!”  Midori and the poor girl trembles in fear and Atsumu wants to blow a kick so bad but he can’t move because of the girls that are around him. Before he tried to push the girls away, he saw you moving towards him, taking away the beer can he has in his hands. “I’m sorry I’m taking this!” Your eyes had a small fire ignited in it and he can’t help but gave away his beer can, and then he saw you walking up on the couch and on to the head rest, spit into the beer and pours the beer all over the homophobic guy who slandered your friend. The guy was drenched and screamed because the beer was icy cold and it came to contact with his skin that got heated from way too much alcohol consumed. 

“Oh, I am very sorry, I was convinced that this big hunk of muscle is a trash can!” you screamed with an evil laughter and the whole party laughed and cackled at the sight of the giant asshole from Engineering talking shit about the woman adored by the majority of campus. Midori is your best friend, a very kind, beautiful  and valid lesbian friend of yours. You would do anything to protect her from the touch of homophobic devils that would insult her every now and then. It has been happening more recently after she got out of the closet, even when she was inside all this time, you have always given her tons of support and protection because it’s just something about you. Midori was already smiling and got herself up away from the sofa with the girl she was with, hands holding hers tightly. 

“You punk! Are ya crazy? Do ya want me to kill ya like I kill your friend here?” your figure who had one leg propped on the head rest while the other on the couch went tense and is about to fall and the nasty asshole grabbed you by the neck, having you lifted in the air and no one helped to stand against him except Midori who was pulling your body before the guy fully grasped your entire neck in his hands. Before he even pressed harder on your throat, Atsumu landed a punch on his face, making himself knocked down on the floor. You already fell flat on the couch, trying to regain your breath. He warns the guy off and he immediately leaves after. 

“Shit shit, are you okay?” Atsumu kneels on the floor to check up on you, who were lying on the couch, still coughing out and trying to calm down. Midori ran to get some water for you. “I’m fine, fine, where's Midori? Is she okay?” Midori hit you in the arm. “Idiot. I am fine but look at you, I told you I’m alright, if you give them attention and piss them off they will harm you, look what happened.” Midori cries and hugs you. Atsumu checked up on your face, saw tiny drops on the edge of your eye which got wiped away the instant Midori wrapped her arms around you. “I told you  I will always protect you okay, I promised you that” Midori looked at your face again and was still sobbing. She turns towards Atsumu who stood by them. Suna and Komori arrived in the space after making sure the guys had run off. The party went back to normal and it’s chaos again. 

“Thank you, Atsumu, if it weren’t for you, I don’t know what would happen to the both of us.” The girl from before is rubbing her hands on Midori’s back trying to calm her down. “No, [Name] did the most fight, I only come in when it gets physical. I let ya know when I see that guy again I am going to beat the living shit out of him. Nasty jackass.” Atsumu’s rage calms down when he sees you and Midori laugh, finally he makes a safe space for you and her. After some minutes of calming down and talking and giggling Midori takes the cue to leave. “I think I need to go now, need to take some air, you should, too, babe. Love you” Midori hugged and left with the girl she was with the entire time during the party.

Atsumu has long left you and Midori alone when you were busy talking to her, so he goes away somewhere to talk with some of the boys from the football club. They heard something about how that guy is a maniac and has been expressing his hate crimes for several years now, basically a loser and Atsumu thinks his sucker punch is something he could take pride in. After he saw Midori take off with the girl he saw you heading towards the door that linked to the backyard. More people were there, some were laying on the ground doing some unnecessarily lewd stuff that Atsumu does not want to remember.

He saw you taking a seat on one of the stools that was set up for guests to sit. He brought a can of beer, intended to give you. As he approaches you were rubbing around the area on your throat which the bully from before had pressed on. You were still in pain. “Hey, needa drink?” Atsumu hands over the beer while he sits down on the stool next to you. “Ah, I’m sorry I don’t...drink around guys. Trust issues.” Atsumu furrowed his eyebrows and he finally got what you were trying to say. “Oh, I totally get it, I’m sorry.” You were a flustered mess. You didn’t intend to actually...reject a kind offer from him but it’s a strange new place and strange new environment, though you knew Atsumu from high school to be quite a decent person that you– “[Name]? Are ya okay? Ya were about to say something earlier?” “Oh, yeah. You don’t have to apologise, we can just go for drinks some other times'' you let out a small laugh and he smiles. Awkward.

“Ya don’t have to worry about that guy, I heard someone is going to report him to the dean. He’ll be out in no time” you smirked. “Good! Midori must be happy”. The both of you laughed and the  conversation continued randomly, topics about his volleyball activities and you popping in some random thoughts about life to him, it makes him feel weird at first but he picks up after quite some time.

And the night goes with you spending your night with him on his small bed in the apartment he shared with his other friends. Kisses are littered all over your body and Atsumu leads you through your first intimate session with so much ease and gentleness. He left an especially passionate kiss on the neck that tells the stories of your fight and trauma, hoping that he could kiss it away and replace it with the memories of your first. “Are ya really sure about this?” Atsumu asked at one point when you were making out with him on his lap just right after he got you in his room. “Please, do what you want” and Atsumu continues to ravish you and pulls on every article that trapped your beautiful untouched body. 

The morning he woke up, you were sleeping soundly, despite the uncovered chest you had on display cause you fell asleep after the second round of fucking you had no chance to clean up or put on a shirt. The messy hair and arousing look you had on aside, you look too peaceful to be on someone’s bed, someone who you have known for a long time but have only gotten close from an impromptu encounter so Atsumu threw the plans of getting out of bed aside and continues watching the small details on your face. He would pick up the falling strands of your hair and tucks it behind your ear, trailing his fingers on the swollen lips you had after making out with him the entire night. He enjoys your presence. He likes it, being with you, so this is all worth it. 

As your eyes fluttered open, squinting because of the bright sun, which was now covered by Atsumu’s hands to help you get back to sleep without the disturbance. You woke up anyway. “Atsumu, what are ya doing?” you asked, trying to pull the blanket that barely covers your naked front. “Just letting a princess continue her peaceful sleep” you were blushing, it feels like a dream to wake up with Atsumu next to you, so you lean into him more and he tackles you under the sheets. As Atsumu closes in again, about to kiss you like he did the previous night before, your eyes widened and you pushed him away, rolling out of bed naked. You pulled the blanket to cover yourself and scrammed to find your underwear and outfit from last night. “Fuck, fuck I’m late shit I gotta go” you were clasping your bra and putting on your underwear as you continue with your series of cuss words picked up at random. “What’s going on are you okay? Was it–“ you put on your jean shorts and looked at him. “No-no I’m late to a group discussion and I am going to die I think.” You already had your phone in hand with your bag in hand running to the door. Atsumu put on his sweatshirt and training shorts in a haste, offering to give you a ride. 

“Hey, I can help ya get to yer spot with my car. Don’t have ta rush'' you gaped and mumbles thousands of gratefulness and lunges forward to hug but stopped yourself. In the car you were on a phone call with one of the people in your group and you immediately spilled the idea you had in mind in a heartbeat. Atsumu has been driving nowhere so he stops and parked his car at the parking space of the nearby McDonald’s. After several arguments and reasons to have your opinion accepted you finally heaved a relief and ended the call with another apology. 

“Yer quite a persistent one aren’tcha?” you looked at him, face messy, unclean and tired. The post-sex glow seems to not work with everyone. “Yeah, there’s an event and I’m in charge. I was so caught-off guard. Pretty sure they will kick me out if they don’t accept my idea but guess not!” you laughed and smiled gleefully. Pure satisfaction whenever people acknowledge us. Atsumu understood that much. “So...since you don’t have to go...breakfast?” Atsumu points his thumb to the back of the car, which was the entrance to the McDonald’s. “No...I stink so much...but I am hungry so....drive-thru?” Atsumu smiles and puts down the handbrake. “Sure thing, princess”.

After you both got your respective breakfast meal set, Atsumu takes off to the lake and brought you together with him to eat on the benches. Atsumu enjoys the company as much as you did. What starts off with a random conversation of how the duck is limping, to talking about the fluffiness of the poodle someone took for a walk turns into a conversation about each others’ personal lives.

“If anything, virginity is a social construct to put down women, so if you think last night is fun just because of that, I am going to berate your entire existence” you warn him, mouth full with the breakfast muffin. “Sure, what’s fun about last night is that you’re hot and I like you.” Atsumu closes in, trying to make you feel more flustered. “You...like me?” you were blushing and he guessed that his classic method works. “Can say that, I don’t usually have breakfast with people I sleep with, so I think that’s how I know.” You scoffed as his smug smile grew wider. “Oh you’re quite a cheesy one. So, this isn’t just a one time thing?” you looked over to him. He said no and continued kissing you like he meant it. 

Days after that, the dates are frequent, spending the night in his apartment is a routine, watching movies is a norm and the intimate sessions get more interesting for the past few months, he thinks he needs to tell you all about his fantasy and you told him yours and both wishes are fulfilled.

Day 150

Atsumu woke up from the nap, the movie was already finished by then. He reached for his phone which was ringing non-stop. He's going to puke his brains out. Midori was the one calling him. There are around 7 missed calls coming from Midori.

“Oi pisshead, your girlfriend’s drunk. Come and pick her up.” Atsumu looks at the time

10.50

“Didn’t last that long?” Atsumu giggles. Midori snapped. 

“I’m being serious. She gets crazier now you need to pack her up. I can’t because my girlfriend is as shit-faced drunk right now.” Midori starts to call out your name to get off the table. Whatever that happened it must have been really shitty what’s going on down there at the bar.

“Okay, just text me the address I’m on my way” Atsumu took his wallet and car keys with him, all fresh to fetch your drunk ass home. 

As soon as he arrived he stormed to the booth which you and Midori sat at. You were already lying down on the couch, fast asleep and giggling as you sleep. “Okay you’re here. I’m going home with my girlfriend so you take care of her properly.” Midori sat herself at the couch you were sleeping on. “[Name].....I’m going now so take care okay! Love you goodnight!” you were whining so loudly at her. “Nooooo....Midoriiiii-chan I am going to miss you don’t leave me” you were pouting and whining and hug Midori to prevent her from going. Atsumu stood at the side watching the mess unfold. “Your boyfriend is here to pick you up! Goodbye!” Midori dragged her girlfriend away and got out of the bar.

“Midori’s good at lying. There’s no way my boyfriend cares ‘bout me” Atsumu covers his face in shame because the other customers at the bar are looking at you. “Who are ya...are you a stranger? Can I call you Mr Stranger? You look handsome.” You giggled and Atsumu laughed at your cuteness. This is certainly a new side to you, he has never seen you turn into a giant ball of fluff before. “Okay now cmon Miss [Name] let’s get ya home.” Atsumu swooped your legs in his right hand while the other supported the small back of your body. Your eyes are still squinting which must be the reason why you can’t recognise Atsumu yet. 

“I miss my boyfriend Mr Stranger. I want to see him...please take me to see him pleassseeeee.” You buried your face in his chest and held on to the cotton string of his hoodie. “Oh yeah? Is he really that handsome?” he puts you in the passenger seat and buckles your seatbelt. “He is! His hair colour is a bit funny, Midori said it makes it look like he bathed in piss” Atsumu got that too many times already. “But in my very personal point of view, it is kind of biased, he rocks that look. He looks hot!” Atsumu blushed and proceeded to head to the driver’s seat. It’s you and your habit of expressing too many opinions again. He liked this one. He also misses your constants chit chat after a whole month of not talking to each other because of a petty argument. He admits that he misses you so much, but a jerk like him won’t admit it. He’s going to break up with you anyway.

As he continues driving he would listen to what you said about ‘your boyfriend’ and he would sometimes smirks and whispers an ‘I know’ and sometimes it is too loud you caught him in the act. The night drive seems fun with you, and he figures you are still too drunk and even with too much talking your body stays the same. You fell asleep at some point, when he is close to the apartment you resided in. He found out after quite some time that Midori moved into her girlfriend’s apartment so now you live alone. 

Even after he arrives at the apartment complex he lets you take some time to sleep, and as time passes by and it’s getting later into the night, he shakes your shoulder to wake you up. 

“Hey, [Name], we’re here.” Atsumu smiles as you yawn and stretches your limbs.

“Mr Stranger? I have a secret. Can I tell you...I’m afraid to tell anyone.” You said after some time. Atsumu had no idea what to do. So he just played along. “Yeah, I promise I will keep it.” Atsumu laughs and looks at you. 

“I think my boyfriend doesn’t love me. I kind of got the gist of it for a long time...but...now I am convinced. I think...the next time I see him, will be the last time I see him. And I–I don’t wanna” you cried immediately, you were sobbing too hard and you covered your face with the both of your palms. Atsumu is shattered especially, what you said was true. He might break it off when time comes, but seeing your heart broken and giving up the usual happy and chaotic smile and laughter you had because of the thought of breaking up with him, he felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest. So he asked further. He needs to know more, he needs to know why. Why do you catch up to what he was thinking so fast? 

“W-why is it?” Atsumu choked on his breath. His heart was thumping so loudly, and it was beating off the charts. “He seems to not want me around...I tried my best to give him space, time for himself  but....he never wants a time wimme....and then...I-he-he don’t want to see me even when he is free”. You continue crying in the silent car, Atsumu wanted to reach your hands but he knew that would be such an asshole thing to do since he is the one causing this mess. Atsumu got out of the car and opened the door from your seat. “Hey hey let’s get you to your apartment okay?” Atsumu unbuckled the seat belt and you kept on crying, you pulled on his sweater and gripped it so tightly and wailed like a baby into his chest. He sighed and embraced you in a tight hug, calmly rubbing the small of your back trying to calm you down. 

After quite some time only the sniffles could be heard. You start talking again. “You know...I’d rather see him happy even if it means I need to break up with him. Ah I’m so dramatic for no reason. Can you help...carry me to my apartment, Mr Stranger?” you pulled away from his hug, makeup ruined and eyes red. Atsumu smiled and nodded at you. “Of course, I’ll carry you.” He carried you in a manner when he hugs your tiny body to carry you to the bed during one of those nights he needed a release. This closeness to your warm body, and the earlier event that happened of you confessing to a complete stranger about him, he is regretting it. 

Day 125

Atsumu just got home from South Korea. He was there for a training camp with the home team there because one of his coach from the MSBY Black Jackals used his connections with an old friend to conduct a camp for them to further polish the players’ skill in the said sport. It would be a great chance for him to bloom more than how he is after his successful debut as a Div. 1 League player. 

He was simply relaxing around after two days and Osamu was cooking plenty of food for the gang. Osamu invited some friends of his, and Suna brought his girlfriend with him. Komori was there too, with his cousin. When Osamu asked if he was going to invite you, Atsumu shrugged and said no, he wants to relax without you around. Even if you are around you would never go that far to make him uncomfortable. He still hasn’t called you yet even when he landed in Tokyo two days before. 

“Atsumu, didn’t ya miss yer girlfriend? Just tell her to come over.” Osamu said from the kitchen, bringing a pot of stew he made for the gang and putting it on the table. “Nah, she didn’t even know I’m in Tokyo.” Everyone in the living room looks at him. “Miya you’re kinda an asshole for that” Komori said as he passed a bowl to Suna and his girlfriend. “Cmon now don’t look at me like I’m a criminal or sumn...I just want to relax I’ll tell her later.” Atsumu scoffed and leaned his back to the sofa as he was sitting on the carpet.

“Are you...joking. She came by practice the other day, said she can’t reach you.” Sakusa said as he put down his mask aside and dug in. Atsumu knew that. He purposely ignored your text and calls and only left a message when you’re offline or when he knows you were sleeping. He doesn't want distractions. “Yer a prick, [Name]’s really nice and ya can’t see that. If ya got issues just break up already.” Suna speaks and his girlfriend agrees. “Yeah for real, if Rintarou had issues I know he is going to leave my ass in the streets. But I’m glad he has no problems. As a woman I will honestly kick you in the ass, ya know, that woman with woman solidarity.” Suna kissed his girlfriend on the cheek and Atsumu scoffed. “I know, I just don’t know the right time yet.” Komori already mumbles a series of cuss words,  Osamu and Suna sigh and Suna pulls his girlfriend back from kicking Atsumu in the face. Sakusa heard a doorbell and reached for the door now to open.

“[Name]?” Sakusa screams in shock. Speaking of the witch. Well, you’re not a witch, you’re the sweetest person ever that happens to be Atsumu’s unlucky girlfriend. “Hey Sakusa-san! Nice to see you! I brought something!” you waltzed in the door and headed to the kitchen you’re already familiar with. Atsumu felt his guilt eating his insides. Who the fuck called you here? 

Komori puts his phone up so Atsumu can see. Komori smirks at him and Atsumu flashes out the middle finger to him. Sakusa mumbles and points at Atsumu, he said somewhere along the lines of you solve this on your own, Miya! 

Osamu headed to greet you first. “Hey Osamu, I brought some home made dorayaki for you and Atsumu. You guys love it right?” Osamu smiles and thanked you endlessly. You smiled but as you looked at the awkward little Atsumu behind Osamu you stopped smiling. He headed towards you and Osamu knows it’s his cue to leave the both of you in the kitchen.

“Hey, how’s South Korea?” Atsumu sat on the chair of the kitchen island. “Twas good. The food there, they’re amazing.” You hummed. “Glad you enjoyed it. Maybe I would know more if you actually answer my calls and texts about how busy you are and tell me when you arrived. But it seems like you don’t miss me that much.” You sighed. 

“[Name], I’m just...I’m sorry I need time for myself I’m so tired.” You looked at him, sad and gloom covering your whole body like the dark blue cardigan you had around you. “Tired of me or of practice?” you asked and reached for the tips of his fingers. “That’s–that’s not it, okay. Please give me some time.” Atsumu pleaded, you flinched when he suddenly glared at you. 

After some time, you released a deep breath and headed to the door. “Enjoy the dorayaki guys, I hope I don’t interrupt you guys. I’m sorry and please take care of Atsumu for me.” You opened the door and headed out. Atsumu is still in his seat. When the door was slammed he got up and sat himself back on the carpet around his friends. He picks up his chopsticks and pulls the omelette Osamu made. Everyone was staring at him.

“Eat your food and stop staring at me.” Atsumu rolled his eyes and ate more food on the table. “Ya don’t even want to chase her?” Osamu asked from beside him. “Nope.” Komori scoffed. 

“Just want you to know she got here by bus alone. I don’t know if it helped change your mind.” Komori said and drank his cold lemon tea he poured for himself. Atsumu stopped chewing and clenched his jaw, looking at Komori.

“The one who ruined lunch is you, Atsumu.” Suna’s girlfriend said and Suna agreed. So does everyone else. 

You don’t leave a text to Atsumu to the day he picked you up from the bar. He only texted you because he wants to end the relationship.

Day 153

Atsumu still has you in his arms. You’re already asleep, face still drenched with tears. He struggled with the pin to your apartment but picks up after a while of thinking. It is his birthday. 

Atsumu realised he is a bigger asshole than how he was minutes ago in the car as he remembered that he had never come to your apartment. Months of relationship it was always his place as you always preferred his place over yours and he thinks that maybe if he was the one giving in more effort to be the one going all the way to your apartment to spend time with you, he would have felt  better about himself. Normal dates outside are very rare aside from lunch or a quick grab of coffee before classes because he was too busy with his practices and you with your duties as a political science student.

He carried you to what he assumed to be your bedroom, carefully putting your body on the bed, taking off the leather jacket you had with you, slowly dragging the thick comforter to cover your shivering body. After shuffling in the kitchen, looking to find some aspirin and a glass of water for you to gargle right after you woke up he put it on the desk at your bedside. 

He saw a picture of you and Midori on the table, during graduation day. Midori carried you on her back while you threw a peace sign with tongue out and Midori making a disgusted face. He laughs at it, putting it back to where it belongs, carefully. 

You had a lot of other pictures pasted on the wall, the one that faces you when you sit on your study table. The notes and thick books are messily arranged on the shelf, a succulent that says ‘Good Job!’ on the table standing cutely, possibly the one that kept you up during the late night study sessions. He never really checked up on you and your studies, how did you manage to be so strong on your own without a supportive boyfriend, he doesn't know. 

And then he saw the pictures you hung neatly. He took the pictures one by one and saw some notes you scribbled on the back of the photograph. 

First, a picture with your parents. You talked about them at some time because you’re their only daughter and you missed them as much as they missed you. One time when you were making out with Atsumu your parents called and you pushed him away to answer the phone call. So funny how you got so innocent and angel-like just right after doing some lewd stuff with Atsumu just with the voice of your parents on the phone. At the back of the picture, it wrote.

Secured the top-scorer title with a scholarship! Mommy and Daddy are proud of me and I will never stop!

The second picture is of you and Midori at a pride parade. This time you wore a white t-shirt with blue jeans and sneakers and you looked absolutely mesmerizing. 

Pride with Midori. I am so happy for her!!

Some other pictures of you at an animal shelter, old folks home, in the streets, caring for homeless people, women’s march and marathon for cancer awareness. You were basically everywhere and it is what makes him regret not finding out about this side of you. All he does is talk about his talent in volleyball and you always make him feel the best that he never gave a chance for you to talk about yourself. 

Atsumu can’t stop the stretch of his smile and it is making his jaw sore. He is so whipped for you. You have always been such a caring person to him, doing your best to take care of him when game losses make his sour mood make a nasty comeback. 

He would cry in a phone call because he messed up his set and you arrived in his room, dropping your bag to hug him and lull him back to sleep. He cries so hard and you would never make him cry worse than he did, you were always comforting but his pride and selfishness would forget that in a day because he thinks the relationship you had with him is a waste. 

Atsumu is a fool. He didn’t realise how much his confusion hurts you more than it hurts himself. He is such a fool for not being there to protect you. The thought of you crying minutes earlier makes him scream in his heart, he doesn't ever want to see it again. If he made that happen again he will never forgive himself and if he has to build a shrine and be a monk to make sure his sins are forgiven he would do it. He would do anything for you. 

The last picture hid him the hardest.

It was him, and you, during his debut game as MSBY Black Jackals setter. 

You had your body leaned into his arm, smiling wide with a bouquet of flowers for him in your hand. He was staring at the camera with a lazy smirk, hands encircling your waist. It was sweet, and you look very cute standing next to him, in his embrace like that. A sight so beautiful. It is a shame when he remembers what exactly happened that night.

It was a very joyful day for Atsumu and for you but Atsumu didn’t even tell you about the match, you were only informed of the game because of Komori so the ticket you got is because Osamu gave up his ticket for you. He is tired of seeing Atsumu play volleyball and he can see it on his phone if he wants so he just gave it to you, saying you deserve it better. Even when you’re not informed about the game, you still showed up in the cutest little dress with the cutest little smell and the cutest bouquet of baby breath flowers for him. 

Atsumu is not fond of flowers. He is not fond of surprises either. When you showed up on the court, congratulating him, he was shocked. He was busy talking to fangirls and kids who love volleyball until you call out his name with so much pride. 

“Atsumu aaaa I am so proud of you! You worked so hard for this and I am sorry I don’t know of this sooner.” You hugged him and pat his back when you hugged him. Eyes glistening as you pulled away. Said the cries are happy tears. You told one of the passers-by to take a picture of you and Atsumu, resulting in the small piece of photography in his hand.

Later that night he went with his team and celebrated the debut together with them while you took off to your apartment, barely making it to the last bus of the night to get there safely, wishing you were with Atsumu in his car instead.

He turned the picture over. There is a long note there.

Might be the first ever picture with Atsumu, like ever. Nonetheless I am so happy and so proud of him it made my jaw hurt so much as I write this. I can’t stop smiling!!! I hope I can attend more of his games, more to his success, more time with him. I feel like I am the happiest person alive! I feel like one of the fantasy film protagonists where the person they have loved for a long time is within their arms, finally! I am so happy to have known Atsumu since the beginning days of school, how his charming and cunning personality, inspiring and charismatic figure would walk down the hallways of Inarizaki, I will always fall for him over and over again. I love him so much, and even if it takes a thousand years to wait for him I will always wait. Praying that this essay reaches the Gods because I love him too much, I don’t even want to let him go. I love Miya Atsumu, and I hope he feels the same thing too.

Atsumu pasted the picture back on the wall, turning off the study lamp and closing the door as he walked out. He sat on the couch in the living room, only having the kitchen light to illuminate the entire apartment. As he sat there, tears rolled off his eyes and loud sobs spilled out of his mouth. 

He realised he is such a foolish man, living in a complete lie with an angel from heaven taking care of him despite getting paid dust in return. He cried so hard he took the pillow next to him and cried himself to sleep. 

Day 154

If it is not for the bubbling and disturbing feeling in your stomach, you wouldn’t have gotten up and run to the bathroom to puke your guts out, but here you are. Smelling so stinky you just take a shower along the way. Fresh out of the shower in clean new clothes you saw a tall glass of water with your birth control pills right beside it. After downing the glass of water you headed to the kitchen to grab an aspirin to calm down the throbbing pain of your chest.

What you found instead is the sight of Atsumu, wearing an apron on top of his white t-shirt. It has been way too long since you have last seen him, and you didn’t expect to encounter him in your apartment, let alone him in the kitchen, preparing a breakfast for two. “Atsumu! What are you doing here!” you screamed audibly to him and got to the table to see a tray of rice and a bowl of soup on the table. 

“Ah, ya woke up earlier than I thought ya would, was intending to make breakfast on bed like in that one cheesy film you love so much.” You blushed. You headed to the cupboard and popped the aspirin into your mouth with the assistance of the barley tea Atsumu prepared for you. 

As you sat down awkwardly, he pulled out the rice bowl and put the tray in the sink and scooped another bowl of rice and soup for himself. He prepared a hearty meal for two, a miso soup to help you sober down and ease the gut after rounds of alcohol shots dumped in your body. 

Right, you were drunk last night. “So why are you here?” you asked after spooning out the final drop of the miso soup. “You remember nothing at all?” Atsumu asked. “Wait...so...Midori didn’t lie?” you asked again. Just realising that Midori already told you that your boyfriend was there. 

“Oh my god...how much did I say?” you pressed your palms on your face and dropped them to your lap. Atsumu smiles. 

“You said a lot! You said too much that it made me learn a lot.” Atsumu reaches your hands the moment it gets on to the table. He clasped it with care and so much gentleness even when his hand is calloused and rough from the intense training for so many days in a week. 

Atsumu sighs and hangs his head low. “I just realised that all this time, our relationship is one-sided” you gasped and the grip on his hands gets tighter. “I...took you for granted. I never gave you a comfort space to live in, a shoulder to cry on, and I have never...expressed my feelings for you.” You were trembling and Atsumu fully connected your fingers with his, interlacing it together hoping that neither of you will let it go.

“All this time you were always there for me, no matter what I was struggling with, no matter the time and place you would rush and hug me and tell me that it will be okay but I let you cry on your own whenever you deal with the same problem. I made a big mistake, and I swear to my life that I will make it up to you.” You got up from your seat and went to the sink along with your empty bowls. Atsumu got there too, hugging you from behind. 

“I am so sorry for being late, I love you. I love you so much that it hurts when I see you get hurt because of me.” Atsumu hugged you like he would make you dissolve in his body, it was so tight and warm and comforting it felt like home.

Miya Atsumu is your home. You are his home. And so he kisses your hair, your neck, your shoulders to make sure you won’t disappear before him, to tell you that what he said is true. 

You turned around. Holding his head in your hands.

“Atsumu, I love you too, and I missed you so much.” You smiled as the tears dropped, and Atsumu thinks this sight of yours hurts him as much as it makes his heart feel warm. It was a mixed feeling, but he knows that the perfect moment is right there, he holds your waist and your neck and kisses you on the lips with so much need and passion, to tell you that he loves you.

Your hands went to wrap itself on his neck, occasionally stopping by to run your hair through the blonde locks you love so much. He kisses in deeper and languid motion; it makes your head drowsy, worse than what the alcohol did to you but the sensation is nice. The alcohol was bitter and you hated it, this kiss tastes sweet and flavourful and you love it.

Atsumu continues while he carries you towards the bedroom he left you in alone last night, slowly putting your body on the messy bed who still has the scent of you from last night. It is supposed to gross you out but Atsumu is making it harder for you to breathe so nothing really matters, and Atsumu loves the scent as much as you love his oozing warmth that makes your eyes roll to the back of your head.

He continues peppering kisses along your entire body, just like the night when you first spent together. Shirts off, pants off, underwear off. There’s nothing in the way of the both of you in the intense love-making session. Atsumu loves the way his name rolls on your tongue as he nibbles addictively on your neck, your chest and your tummy that is filled with the food he made for you, the love he had in store from his heart is delivered into you with so much ease. He plans to deliver some more as his kisses turn more passionate as the clock ticks, tongue intermingles and liquid drooling out of each other’s hot mouth.

Atsumu is already so eager to get inside you but he always has to prioritise you before him so he asked you. “Can I-can I get on with it now?” he asked, trying to recollect his breath at the same time while he looks for a particular wrapper in the drawer of your bedside table. “It’s fine, Atsumu, I’m on birth control.” You smiled at him and he smiled back, caressing your cheeks, touching your lips and tucking your hair behind your cute ears he loved to kiss so much. “You know, you mistook the birth control pills for aspirin that’s why I rummaged through the whole cupboard to look for one.” You gave him a glare so cute he continues kissing you. “My bad, baby. Can I get in now?” He asked with a teasing little smirk displayed on his stupidly handsome face.

“Yes, you can Atsumu.” You kissed him on the cheeks and hugged his neck as he entered. Inches by inches you sucked him in and he would kiss your temple to make you feel better after the stretch. The time away clearly made a lot of changes between the two of you, and it all makes this event more admirable than the ones before, because of the heartfelt confession you shared with him in the morning. All he wants to do is kiss your body like it is the only thing in this world worth worshipping. You are the most beautiful thing that ever happened in his life anyway, and he would never regret anything in his life anymore.

After the both of you peaked, he released into you, stayed there for a few minutes and took it out after he finally made your deep furrowed eyebrows disappear. You finally relax after the soothing time with your dearest one and he plopped himself next to you. 

Atsumu opened his arms and you found him inside it, getting smooches here and there as he hugged you. He would play with your hair, draw stars on the naked back of yours, and you would draw circles on his chest as you listen to the small heart beat in him. 

His heart was beating because of you.

“Hey, that noise in there is because of ya.” Atsumu kissed you on the forehead. 

“Oh really, yer not special, Miya, listen to mine!” you said with a glare after hitting him playfully on his chest.

“Uhuh...can I kiss it? Like this?” Atsumu continues his attack on your chest and you laughed loudly as he starts skimming his fingers on your waist and your tummy. He was smiling and laughing into the attack. 

Atsumu thinks that even if it is true that he is a fool, at least he is a fool that is so foolishly in love with you. 

[dubersbutt]

4 Times Leon Joined You and Connor

+ 1 Time He Stayed

Summary: How you, Leon and Connor became a thing

Warnings: smut (oral (female receiving, male receiving, penetrative sex), mlm sex (blowjobs)), sexuality crises (sexuality procrastination)

1) The “Accidents”

Leon gets your text message a second too late. The notification with your name and “DON'T OPEN MY SNAP” hanging above the picture of your scantily clad torso, matching royal purple set, the deep colour complimenting your tan skin. Leon is torn between wanting to be respectful and wanting to keep the picture open until he can get himself off. But, he’s a good dude so he does not do the latter. Instead, he closes the snap and texts you back

Leon: Whoops. I didn’t get your message until after I opened it

You: Ugh. I’m sorry, your name is right under Connor’s and my finger slipped.

Leon: Aren’t you supposed to be at school.

You: Stats are boring. I was trying to bother my boyfriend.

Leon: Pay attention in class, (Y/N).

You: 🙄

You: You can keep the picture btw. I know I look good

You: No face, no case

Leon doesn’t keep it but, his finger hovers over the replay button for far too long.

~~~

Leon’s furnace craps out on him halfway into the season, and Alberta winters without heaters isn’t very enjoyable so he temporarily moves in with Connor, the day of the charity gala. Leon has a good time for the most part. Except -

He can’t get that fucking picture out of his head. And your dress hugs you in all the right places and he really hopes that neither you or Connor notice that how often he looks over at you. Connor has to rub elbows with the rich donor more than Leon does, so he keeps you company in between rounds. The two of you keep yourselves entertained by comping up with potential conversations for the other people in the room.

“Leon wait,” you say, clutching his arm and Leon feels his heart skip a beat, “That girl is his daughter, not his sugar baby.”

“No,” Leon was convinced, they were sitting way too close if that were true, “How do you know?”

You point to an older lady that’s approaching the table. She leans down to give the man a quick kiss and Leon’s about to propose a potential mistress until he realizes the girl looks like a younger version of the older woman.

“Shit,” he says and you look at him with wide eyes, “We’re going to hell.”

“We totally deserve it too.”

An hour later, Leon is excusing himself from a conversation with Klefbom and an older lady. She hardly notices, her attention has been focused on Oscar the whole time. Oscar tries to get him to stay but Leon thinks her not-so-subtle flirtation is hilarious.

He laughs when he gets the “I’m gonna fucking kill you” text from Oscar on the way to the bathroom.

Leon: I don’t like being the third wheel

Leon: Make sure she’s not married, klef. You’d be a terrible mistress

Oscar: I would be the best mistress in the history of mistresses.

When Leon opens the door to the bathroom he’s met with the sound of moans. He supposes he should have shut the door right then and there but he opens it all the way without realizing. He’s met with the sight of Connor fucking you on the sink. Your nails are digging into his back as Connor fucks you. He’s frozen for a moment, can’t remember how to move his limbs until you meet his eyes. He’s fairly certain you smile at him but he’s also convinced he imagined it. He replays your moans and tiny whimpers in his head.

He’s not even surprised when he wakes up the next morning and the girl next to him looks a little like you when he squints.

~~~

A week later he’s coming home from a run, the weather had warmed up enough for a short 15 minute jog before he had to pack for the California road trip. He lets himself in through Connor’s garage door, taking off his snowy boots in the mudroom. He takes his earbuds out, pocketing them when he hears -

“I - fuck, don’t tease me.”

Not again.

Now, Leon is kind of annoyed. He texted Connor that he was on his way home, had given him ample time to move to his bedroom. And Leon has to pass the living room to get to the guest room.

“You’re such a brat,” he hears Connor say and the next thing that comes out of his mouth is a loud groan.

Leon has to start packing, they need to be at the airport in an hour. He tries to make his appearance quick and minimal but he meets Connor’s eyes. He mouths, sorry as he picks up the pace, but Connor doesn’t seem to mind. His face is flushed, and his chest is rising and falling quickly. Connor winks at him. Winks.

When he finally makes it to his room he slumps against the walk, leaving the door open a crack so he can hear Connor’s moans. He can’t help it anymore, he pulls the waistband of his pants down, gripping his dick. He has to bite down on his hand to keep his moans at bay. He cums in unison with Connor, using his moans to guide him to finish.

He stands there for a moment, hands sticky with cum listening to Connor praise you through the crack in the door.

~~~

Leon doesn’t make a habit of picking up men during the season. You can never know who's secretly a hockey fan wanting to sell Leon’s bisexuality to the tabloids. Hell, only like 4 people on the team knew. But Anaheim doesn’t have a huge hockey presence so he takes a chance. He gets out of team movie night under the guise of an upset stomach.

Instead, he Ubers to the nearest gay bar. The place is pretty packed when he gets there. He orders a drink and notices a floppy haired blond guy across from him. He’s a little too scrawny to pass as Connor, but Leon’s not asking for perfection. He asks the bartender to send over another of whatever he’s having before he makes his way over to him. Not-Connor’s name is Josh, and they hit off right away.

Soon, Leon’s pushing not-Connor up against the bathroom wall, grinding against him. Not-Connor gets down on his knees and sucks Leon off. It doesn’t take long until Leon’s shooting down his throat with a hand in his thick hair. He starts to get down so he can reciprocate, his jaw is gonna kill him tomorrow but he’s not an asshole, when not-Connor stops him.

“If you want, we can go to mine and you can fuck me,” he says, biting his lip.

Leon’s already forgotten his name, but he says yes anyway.

Not Connor is really fucking flexible, letting Leon hook his legs over his shoulders when he fucks him in missionary. They stop for a quick snack in the kitchen before Leon bends him over the counter and fucks him until tears form in the corner of his eyes.

Leon’s half an hour late for curfew, but no one says anything to him.

2) The Vacation

Don’t get him wrong, Leon is always honoured to be invited to All-Star weekend. However, if he had the choice of being interviewed for two days straight or sitting on a beach in california for a week, he probably wouldn’t put too much though into his decision.

But, he still had 4 days of vacation in Palm Springs with the team before he and Connor had to leave early. Connor had asked him if he wanted to split the cost of the penthouse suite, and because Leon’s room was on the other side of suite as yours and Connor’s room, he said yes.

They left for California as soon as their last game ended, leaving them too tired to party the first night, choosing to order room service instead. Leon gets a plate of honey garlic chicken wings, 12 of them to himself, spaghetti, and a slice of cheesecake because, fuck it, he’s on vacation.

When it arrives, he snatches the plate of wings before Connor could take one, he had a bad habit of saying he didn’t want stuff and then asking for a few bites. Normally, Leon doesn’t care but he’s been craving wings for weeks. Why did he choose the career with the strict diet regimen?

“You’re really not gonna share?” Connor asks, eyebrow raised.

“Nope,” he replies, popping the ‘p’ and sinking his teeth into his second one.

“You have 12!”

“No one was stopping you from ordering your own.”

Leon feels your eyes on him. He assumes it's because he’s foregone any and all manners. The sticky sauce on the wings coat his fingers, he can feel it in his beard but he does not care because they’re so good. He doesn’t care that he’s gone full barbarian-

“Leon do you want to have a threesome with us?” you ask and Leon chokes on a piece of chicken.

“What?” He nearly drops his wing, “Right now?”

Connor’s groans and runs a hand through his hair in exasperation, “This is not how we said we would ask him.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t explain it,” you giggle and gesture at how he’s hunched over his wings, “but this is doing it for me?”

“Really?” Leon asks incredulously and Connor looks at you in disbelief.

“I wish I could say it didn’t.”

Leon squints at you and Connor, “You’re serious about this?”

“Yeah,” You both respond.

“We’ve been discussing adding a third,” Connor asks, “We were going to ask when you weren’t beasting a plate of wings - I admire your ability to eat during a conversation, by the way - but someone can’t keep it in their pants.”

You shrug, taking a bite from your burger.

Leon contemplates it, eating his 8th wing in the meantime.

“Sure,” he says, starting his 9th, “But not tonight. I don’t feel sexy after I eat spaghetti.”

You laugh, “Leon, if you had to choose between only sex or only food which would it be?”

“Food,” he says with no hesitation, or regrets.

~~~

The next day Leon spends baking in the sun. Everybody had decided to spend the day in the attached private pool in the suit. He chirps Connor when his skin starts to burn about an hour into the day and pokes at his red shoulder when he joins Connor under the umbrella.

By the end of the day Leon is pleasantly tipsy, saying goodbye to the team as he lounges on the couch. When the door shuts, you settle yourself in his lap. Your skin is warm from the heat.

Your sheer white swimsuit coverup has been driving Leon insane for the past two hours the team has been in the suite. Although, seeing you in your bikini, watching the water glint off your tan skin as Connor splashed you with the water, was far worse.

“Hi,” you hum, leaning in, “You still down for this?”

“Of course.”

You kiss him, letting out a groan as you do so. Leon rests his hands on your thighs, and when you don’t rebuke him he slides them up, dragging your cover up with him. His fingers toy with the band of your suit bottoms. He pulls away from your mouth, instead kissing along your jaw, scraping his beard against your skin gently. Normally, he wouldn’t be so bold, but, when you first started dating Connor, he told Leon that he started to grow his beard out because you enjoyed the scratch on your skin. He pays attention to the places that draw tiny gasps or moans from you, noting them for later.

“I should have known that the two most impatient people in my life wouldn’t wait for me,” Connor says, holding your jaw to kiss you. Leon doesn’t miss the way your body goes limp against him when Connor’s fingers tighten ever so slightly.

“I wouldn’t have pegged you as a sub,” Leon hums, pulling your cover up all the way over your head. “She’s not,” Connor interjects, helping Leon with his task, “She’s a brat, but she’s pretty.”

“You’re mean,” you respond, “Should we move to the bedroom?”

Connor pulls you up, off his lap. Leon thinks that he’s just going to lead you, but Connor picks you up. You pull him closer with your legs, grunting as Connor settles you and starts walking to the master bedroom. Leon has to stop himself running after you.

Leon takes two minutes to get there, stopping for a quick glass of water. Two minutes is all it takes for Connor to fuck you from behing. Leon takes a minute, scanning his eyes over the two of you. Connor looks over and winks at him and Leon gets that same pang in his heart again. He stops, and you let out a whine in protest, pushing your hips back against him.

“Take her mouth,” Connor says, nodding towards the empty spot on the bed.

“For the record, I’m not thrilled that you’re bossing me around,” he says but obliges, pulling his swim shorts off on the way there.

He gives himself a few pumps before you reach over and take over, “You can put your hand in my hair,” you say, before you wrap your lips around the tip.

Connor’s hand slides along your spine, lightly dragging his nails as you start to bob your head, taking Leon deeper each time.

“Should we link arms in true Eiffel Towel fashion?”

~~~

Leon thought it was going to be a one-time thing, but the next morning he wakes up with your throat on his dick, and he can hear the shower running. By the time Connor’s back in the room, you’re cuming on Leon’s cock as he spills into the condom.

“You asshats,” Connor says, water dripping down abs, “I leave for five minutes.”

“You take the longest showers known to man, Con,” you tease, accepting his kiss.

That day the team planned on going to go sightseeing, but Leon makes the excuse of finding a girl at the hotel bar last night. Connor says that the two of you are going to take advantage of the empty penthouse. And you do. The next day, during the team hike, the three of you lag behind the rest, too exhausted to keep up.

~~~

Leon thinks that when they land in San Jose for the All Star game, that it’s the end, and he’s almost sad about it. But at the end, Connor and him get the same snap. You lifting up your McDavid jersey to reveal a lacey, navy blue bodysuit. The V dips tantalizingly low, Leon wants to lick the exposed skin and feel your body squirm against his as he teases you. He and Connor change faster than Leon thought was possible, and soon he’s upstairs in yours and Connors room. Connor fucks you first, not giving you quite enough to cum as he finishes, filling you. As Leon’s rolling on the condom, Connor’s whispering in his ear - don’t let her cum.

So Leon fucks you  slowly. Holding both of your hands in one of his palms, he takes his time. His thrusts are rhythmic, as he grinds into you, watching your face contort. He rubs your clit, feeling the way you clench around him. He pushes you to the edge and waits  before pulling out entirely. He rests his dick on your stomach, pulling off the condom as he cums on your stomach.

3) The Dinner

Connor gets sick from the WEM signing in February. (Whoever decided to have the Oiler’s star player do a fan signing with a thousand people in the middle of flu season needs to be fired but that’s besides the point.) Because of this, he can’t go to the Nuge’s team bonding dinner but he insists that you still come, the other girls would miss you.

So you go, and you press up against Leon every once in a while during drinks. At dinner, you sit next to him, keeping a hand on his thigh at all times. Your hand moves onto his inseam as you spoon risotto into your mouth. While Nuge and Bre are handing out deserts, you lead him down a hallway.

“Hold on...aha!” you push open a door, leading to a guest room. The bed is made, and there’s a picture of Nuge’s dog on the bedside table. You turn the picture down, “I don’t want Sophie to see what we’re about to do.”

“(Y/N), What about Connor?” he asks. Leon has spent the night with you and Connor multiple times since coming home, and he’s fucked you many times but Connor’s always been there.

“Connor doesn’t care,” you say, pushing him down on the bed, “He said it was fine. We can FaceTime him if you want.”

Leon doesn’t think you’re lying, but he does enjoy watching Connor bite his lip as he watches Leon fuck you from behind. He’s got a terrible angle, can’t really see much but just the sounds of you and Leon make him groan into the phone. You end the cal with a quick “I love you.”

“You coming over tonight?” you ask when you and Leon finished getting dressed.

“Obviously.”

Everyone’s tipsy enough that they hadn’t noticed the two of you were gone.

When Leon comes over that night it’s the first time he gets his hands in Connor. He’s just finished fucking you - he’d quickly become the one to call the shots when he was around - and Connor was watching him pound into uou with wide eyes, fists clenched at his side like he was told.

Leon had spent a number of nights with you and Connor by now, but he figured Connor wasn’t into men so he didn’t push it. But this time it was different, he didn’t know why, but it was.

Leon knee-walks over to him, planting his legs on either side of Connor’s thighs. He doesn’t kiss him, doesn’t know if that’s too much, but he slides his hand up the length of them.

Giving a handy for the first time is always a little bit awkward, Leon actually has to pay attention to what they do and do not like, but with Connor it’s easier. It’s still a little awkward, he accidentally squeezes Connor’s base a little too hard and he crumpled against him, but it’s significantly better.

(Later that week you’d have a conversation with Connor.

“You know I don’t mind if you wanna do stuff with Leo when you’re gone right?”

“What?”

“If you want to. You don’t have to but you seemed like you really enjoyed Leo’s hands the other day. Not that I blame you for that.”)

4) The Roadie

Leon isn’t expecting anyone to knock on his hotel door. He’s surprised when it’s Connor there. He’s antsy, cracking his knuckles.

“Hey,” he says, furrowing his brows at Connor’s uneasy demeanour, “everything okay?”

“Everything’s great,” Connor replies, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“Do you wanna come in?”

“Wh-oh yeah sure,” he stutters like he didn’t realize that he was still outside.

Leon lets him in, and Connor walks to the chair on the other side of the room, but doesn’t sit. Leon eyes him as he sits on the edge of the bed.

“So I talked to (Y/N),”  Connor starts.

“And…” Leon prompts.

“She said that if we wanted to mess around together on roadies then that’s fine with her,” he takes a deep breath “andivebeenthinkingaboutitandiwannatrymaybebutivenever-”

“Woah woah woah,” Leon stops him, “You’re going to have to repeat that way slower.”

“I was thinking that, if you’re down, then maybe I would be willing to try it?” he trails off at the end.

“Connor?”

“Yes?”

“Do you want to sleep with me?”

“Maybe,” Connor takes another deep breath, “I mean I’ve never done anything with a dude before, but I kinda liked it the other day. But like, only if you want to.”

“We can fool around on roadies,” picking up is so much work, Leon would love to have a steady side piece - even though he doesn't have a main piece, “Since when were you into dudes.”

Connor rubs a hand over his face, “Don’t start with me. I’ve been having an ongoing sexuality crisis for a while. I love women, (Y/N) especially, but we’re tabling this conversation for, like a year.”

“Just one thing,” he says, finally sitting down on the bed next to him, “I don’t want you to….fuck me just yet.”

Leon wants to laugh, Connor’s so straight that it hurts, “Gay sex isn’t like straight sex, there’s a process. And, I don’t want to brag, but if I were to fuck you, you wouldn’t be able to walk for a week and you’re kind of important to the team.”

“So...you’re a bottom,” Leon teases, poking him in the shoulder.

“I think so? Obviously I won’t really know until I try it but I see the appeal….what are you?”

Leon does laugh at that, “ I usually top but I don’t mind taking it every once in a while.”

Connor nods, which Leon finds adorable. The last time Leon dealt with any kind of virginity was when he was losing his own (both times), and he’s kind of excited.

Connor leans in, kissing Leon softly. Leon pushes against them, hand coming up to card through Connor’s hair. A few moments later, he pulls away.

“What’s the verdict?” Leon asks.

“Your beard feels weird.”

“Good weird or bad weird,” Leon didn’t have a 5 step beard oil routine for it to feel bad.

“Good weird.”

Leon hums in approval. Connor leans back in, and this time Leon pushes him down on the bed and Connor lets him. He lets Leon trail kisses down his neck, chest heaving off the bed once Leon gets that spot at his jawbone that drives him crazy.

“You good?” Leon asks as he lowers himself between Connor’s spread legs. Connor nods, “If you’re uncomfortable, tell me and we stop.”

He takes Connor’s dick out of his shorts, only mildly surprised when he realizes Connor’s not wearing any underwear. He licks his lips as he starts to jack him off. Connor lets out a breathy moan as Leon drops his hound to the base of his cock a with a gentle squeeze. Leon leans forward, sucking on the head gently as he watches Connor’s face turn red. Leon bobs his head down, taking more down his throat each time. Leon digs his fingers into Connor’s hips to keep them down.

“Easy, baby,” Leon murmurs, not realizing the nickname was on the tip of his tongue until it had slipped out, “It’s been a while, you’re gonna have to give me a second before you fuck my throat.”

“ ‘M sorry,” Connor says, panting.

“It’s okay, Con,” Leon responds, reaching for Connor’s  hand and placing it in his hair.

“Fuuck, Leo,” Connor grunts when Leon starts to suck on his head.

Leon finds a good rhythm, bobbing his head low and hollowing his lips as he comes up. Connor is groaning, Leon should probably tell him to keep his voice down given that they’re surrounded by the team but he doesn’t care.

Leon drops his dick, until the very tip of his cock, and sucks. Connor grunts, thrusting up into Leon’s hands before Leon starts to slide his hand up and down quickly, bringing Connor to the edge.

“Close,” he pants, “I-close, Leo, plea-”

Leon sinks his head down one more time before Connor hits the back of his throat. He sputters a little as Connor keeps spilling into his mouth. He feels a little bit dribble out, and when he finally pulls off, he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

“How was that?” Leon asks, tucking Connor’s soft dick under the waistband of his shorts.

Connor has a hand thrown over his face, and his only answer is a groan. Leon can’t help but laugh.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, I know my head game is strong.”

(Connor tries to give Leon a blowjob, but he gets a little too ambitious and chokes a few bobs in. Connor sputters and coughs, and Leon can’t help but chuckle as Connor grips his thighs, trying to catch his breath. He wants to try again but Leon stops him.

“You’ve done a lot today, you can try again later if you want to.”

“No, no I can do it.”

Leon explains that he doesn’t want Connor to bite his dick and Connor relaxes, giving him a hanjob instead. His pressure is a little light, so Leon wraps his hand around Connor’s and guides him until Leon finishes all over his stomach.

(Connor hesitantly runs a finger through the mess, before slowly raising his finger to his lips. He scrunches his nose in disgust. “Drink some pineapple juice, ugh.” and Leon laughs)

Connor leaves shortly after, and Leon definitely doesn’t replay the moment over and over again in his head.)

+ 1) The One Time he Stayed

When Leon pulls up into Connor’s driveway, he’s expecting the usual: play with Lenny, threesome, play with Lenny, dinner, play with Lenny, maybe round two, decide if he wants to drive home at 3 am (the answer is most likely no).

However, when he shows up Connor isn’t even home, which is not normal. Lenard throws himself at Leon when he walks through the door, knocking him down on the floor.

“One of these days he’s gonna be successful in his assination attempts,” you joke from your place on the couch.

“There are worse ways to die,” he says as he gets back on his feet, this time ready for Lenny’s high energy. Eventually Lenny decides Leon is not worth his time, padding off to his bed by the fireplace, so Leon sits by you on the couch.

“Watchya reading?” he asks, poking you in the side.

“My textbook detailing the different types and phases of psychosis,” you say,  capping your highlighter.

“Hm,” Leon grunts, “Uplifting.”

“Very,” you place the book on the coffee table, “So Connor was telling me about your hook up on the roadie.”

Leon’s heart stops, “Connor said it was okay and you seduced me at Nuge’s so I assumed-”

“Leon, relax” you cut him off with a chuckle, “I’m not mad.”

Leon lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“And I did not seduce you at Nuge’s.”

“You led me down a hallway I’ve never been in just to have sex with me in their guest bedroom,” he raises an eyebrow, “that’s the definition of seducing.”

You mutter something that Leon can’t decipher under his breath which he knows means that he’s won this argument.

“Anyways,” you say, clearing your throat, ““Connor was gonna be here, but he had an appointment and now he’s stuck on the Henday but he’ll be here soon. We were talking and we were thinking, only if you wanted to, that maybe you could join us...as a couple.”

Leon isn’t sure he understands your proposal.

“What?”

“Would you like to join me and Connor as a third?” you ask, “If you don’t want you can leave before Connor comes home and we’ll never bring it up again.”

~~~

Later that day, when Leon is falling asleep with Connor on one side of him using his chest as a pillow and you’re on his other side tucked against him, he’ll think about what a strange road it was to get here. Connor’s already asleep, listening to Leon’s heartbeat as his head rises and falls on with Leon’s breath.

“So was this always the plan?” Leon asks when he feels you tracing something on his skin.

“Hm?” you question.

“Was this all an elaborate ploy to get me to join you and Connor?” he clarifies, “Because if so, kudos because I never expected.”

“No,” Connor mumbles against Leon’s chest, turns out he wasn’t asleep, “We didn’t expect to ask you to join us more than once in California but you’re too damn cute.”

“I never thought we would because I didn’t think Davo was into dudes,” you say, “We get any closer to an answer on the sexuality thing, Con?”

“We’ll get there when we get there.”

[ipuckwithhockey]

Earned- N. Patrick

a/n: This one gets angsty, oops. I’m on a NolPat thing right now, but when are we not? I’m honestly enjoying writing again, so I hope you guys enjoy this one!  

warnings: angst, mentions of sex/oral sex, swearing, divorced parents, drinking (i think that’s it)

------

Nolan loved his friends and family, hockey, and even on occasion Travis Konecny. This was enough for him. He had his close-knit group that he surrounded himself with and that was all he needed. It’s not that he avoided getting attached to people, he just hadn’t found anyone that he felt was worth getting attached to. He was young and focused on his career. Love would come eventually. He just didn’t realize how soon ‘eventually’ would be until he met you.

You met Nolan at a Post Malone concert. Your friend Grace had gotten tickets through her job and you couldn’t just say no to floor seats for Posty. Your seats just so happened to be right next to Nolan, Travis, and Kevin Hayes. You recognized the hockey players instantly, but your best friend just recognized that TK was hot and definitely checking her out. 

By the time Post was ending his show Grace was agreeing that the two of you would join the boys at a bar around the corner. You weren’t planning on going home with anyone that night, but Nolan Patrick was flirting with you and you were a woman of opportunity. So, you found yourself going home with a Flyers forward while your friend went home with another.

Grace was your polar opposite. She was an undying optimist, bubbly, and most notably a romantic. You on the other hand considered yourself a dedicated realist who was levelheaded and decisive. The thought of finding someone to spend the rest of your life with almost made you laugh.  You had no interest in settling for a mediocre relationship that would eventually combust or at best, just fizzled out.

The first night you went home with Nolan was supposed to be the only night you went home with Nolan, but just like the tale as old as time, it was far from a one time occurrence. Grace and TK kept seeing each other and their big personalities actually seemed to mesh well. Grace was happy and you were happy that she was happy. What you weren’t totally sure about was that their blossoming relationship meant you found yourself in the same room as Nolan more often than not. A couple of drunken nights together turned into a habit neither one of you seemed to mind.

Nolan was just as aloof as you when it came to romanticism. That was what you told yourself was the reason why you kept letting yourself fall into his bed every weekend. When he started texting you to come over out of the blue instead of your usual drunken hookups you decided it was time to lay down the law.

“Ok, so just to be clear, because I don’t want to be the reason for any broken hearts and more importantly, I don’t need any lost Flyers games weighing on me, this is just sex. Like we’re not going to be those stupid kids that say it’s just sex but then end up falling madly in love. I don’t do that, and from what I’ve gathered, you don’t do that either. So, if this is going to happen again, or keep happening, then it’s strictly business.”  You’re barely even looking at Nolan as you explain your position. He had quite aggressively ripped your clothes from your body when you arrived at his place tonight and you can’t seem to locate your second sock as you scour his room.

Nolan was still laying naked on his bed, catching his breath, as he watched you in your adopted routine of rushing out of his apartment. He had met girls who were okay with a quick hookup with a famous NHL player, but you were different. You were bold and definitive. You weren’t here because he’s famous, you were here because the sex was good, and that’s why Nolan was here too.

Nolan didn’t make a habit out of hooking up with the same girls more than a couple of times, max. If you hadn’t been so good in bed and so open to just having sex, he probably wouldn’t have entertained the idea at all. You couldn’t deny that having Nolan between your legs a few times a week wasn’t a good thing. In fact, it was a great thing.  Nolan might not spend much time talking, but he definitely knows how to use his mouth. You both left each other at the end of the night tired and satisfied, and that didn’t seem like a bad thing. 

“Mkay. I promise I won’t fall in love with you. My track record is pretty good, so if you need references, I can probably get you their numbers. They probably wouldn’t be thrilled about you calling to ask them about how I’m a heartless asshole, but you can give it a swing.” You can’t help but laugh as your brain deciphers the mumbles that just came from the half sleeping body in front of you.

The second or third time you hung out with the boys you were at a party. You were teasing Nolan about all the girls who were trying so hard to get his attention, and he replied that they probably wouldn’t try so hard if they knew how their short lived fling would end.  He had a bad habit of accidentally leading girls on, thinking they were on the same wavelength but then being met with a pissed off girl who thought “they had something special.”

“Perfect. And if you somehow end up falling for my stunning good looks and amazing personality, just do me a favor and let me know so I can run for the hills.” And with that you gave him a wink and were out the door. Nolan couldn’t hold in the laugh that fell from his lips as he continued to take in the personality you had begun to share with him.

—————

It’s been two months since the two of you settled your business deal and things were good. Grace and TK had made it official and she insisted on bringing you with her to team gatherings and games. You and Nolan went over to each other’s places when the other called or texted, and the sex was still as good as it was the first time.

The two of you developed a friendship and your post sex talks began to last a little longer on topics that were just a little deeper than the time before. Nolan would ask you about the douche that likes to hit on you at work and you would ask him how hockey was going.  Then he told you about his sisters and and eventually told you a little more about his migraines. When it felt right you would ask him questions that he always provided thoughtful answers to. Nolan Patrick was much more pensive than you initially thought. To be honest you hadn’t really given his personality much thought at all, but as you got to know him you realized his aloof exterior was maybe just misinterpreted.

To his surprise Nolan genuinely liked spending time with you. Unlike most people, you weren’t constantly urging him to be “more social” or outgoing, and even though you were using each other’s bodies for sex, you weren’t greedy. You didn’t ask too much of him or expect certain things because of who he was. He felt like he could breathe around you because he wasn’t constantly trying to satisfy any unattainable expectations.

Even when he talked to you about hockey, he felt like he was just talking about any old 9-5 job; zero pressure to perform for you. You would ask him how it was going even though you already watched the games, and you would let Nolan guide the conversation to where he was comfortable. In many ways Nolan did the same for you. He didn’t press about why you didn’t have a boyfriend or why you didn’t want one. He did query over why you gracefully steered the conversation away from your family. He didn’t pry into things that were too personal, that for some reason, so many people thought they were entitled to.

There was a level of respect present between you that neither of you had experienced with anyone else. In both of your past relationships people always wanted to go fast, immediately trying to see if you were compatible. You and Nolan were just friends having sex with no other expectation, and somehow that allowed the two of you to slowly peel back each other’s layers.

You were oblivious to all of this until one night when your post sex talk didn’t come after sex. It came before. Well, actually the conversation came but neither of you did that night. You were at Nolan’s after a game that hadn’t gone as well as they had hoped. He was tired and you could see it in his eyes. Instead of jumping each other’s bones as soon as he greeted you at the door, you cracked a bottle of wine and settled on the couch.

It was nice. It was two friends having conversation over a bottle of wine. You didn’t talk about hockey or work; it was just talking about nothing. You talked about the lady who gave you one of her extra coupons at the grocery the other day. He explained how he made a sweater once in home ec. ( You’re still not sure if you believe him.)

A couple of hours later, and halfway into your second bottle of wine, Nolan’s curiosity got the best of him.

“So, is there a reason you’re so anti relationship or are you just a serial heart breaker like me?”

Once he asked the question, he realized that he probably shouldn’t have. You hadn’t talked about it before and that probably meant you didn’t want to. You were surprised but his smug joke still made you laugh. Normally you would be a little annoyed by the question, but you felt like you knew Nolan. You knew he wasn’t just trying to get to the juicy part, he just genuinely wanted to know, so you told him.

“Well, if you must know, I am most definitely a serial heart breaker, but that’s just a result of why I’m not thrilled about relationships, not the actual why.”

You take a breath before going on, “My parent’s marriage was horrible. They fought constantly and I don’t think I ever saw them genuinely happy together. They insisted on staying together. Their families, my grandparents, were both pretty ‘well-to-do’ and I’m pretty sure my parents were just staying together to save face with them and their circle of rich friends. I’m not sure why, because none of their marriages seemed any different. They’re all divorced now, and remarried to even shittier people. But before that, it became more of a game than anything else. — it started getting bad when I was in middle school.”

You look out the window in front of you. Through it, you can see the city of Philadelphia. A city you came to for college, with the hopes of leaving your old life behind. 

“My mom started to go out to the country club and wherever else, and then she’d come home in the middle of the night, drunk, after doing god knows what or god knows who. My dad would go on business trips just to get away, and I’m pretty sure he was cheating on my mom too at that point. I never really saw them, and when I did they were always fighting. We didn’t have fun holidays and if my brother wasn’t there no one was in the stands cheering me on at my soccer games. Hell, by that point I preferred no holidays and no parents at my games. They didn’t care about me or my brother, and once Caleb went off to college I was on my own. I don’t blame him, I got out as fast as I could too. All we had was each other and we were always close. He’s in New York now, and we still talk pretty regularly, but being at home alone sucked, and being home alone with them sucked even more. I wasn’t always so pessimistic; I’ve dated a handful of guys but obviously they never worked out. Then I met a guy in college, and I thought wow this guy is unbelievable. He was perfect— Josh was his name. He was in grad school and he was smart and funny and said all the right things. I was young and naive, and I think I just wanted someone to love me, so I let him. And I let him take advantage of my time and energy. I let him lie to me and I let him cheat on me. And when I finally woke up from whatever trance I was in I realized that I had been looking at the world through rose colored glasses. I promised myself that I was never going to let myself do that again. I wasn’t going to rely on anyone but myself… I wasn’t going to give all of myself to someone just to wait for it to fall apart… The proof was in the pudding, relationships just don’t work, and that is why I’m so anti-relationship.”

You hadn’t looked Nolan in the eyes since you started in on your monologue, afraid that you may have just scared off your friend. Nolan was still taking it all in, reveling over the years of your life you had just laid out for him.

He had grown up in a loving family where his parents did everything they could to give him and his sisters the perfect childhood. They spent every weekend driving around Canada for hockey tournaments. He still talks to his sisters almost every day even though they’re thousands of miles away. His mom insists on carry out whatever holiday traditions she can even with Nolan in Philly. And here you were with a childhood that couldn’t have been more different than his. He didn’t want a relationship because he couldn’t find anyone he felt was worthy of his time and energy, but here you were, closed off to the world because you thought that unconditional love wasn’t real.

He didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything he could say, so instead he pulled you from your side of the couch to his, where he wrapped you up in his warm arms. You sat like that for a long time, not saying anything, not even moving, just letting him hold you. You didn’t even realize you had started crying until you felt Nolan’s hands wipe away the tears that were staining your face, and that small gently gesture was what made you snap. That’s when it boiled over, when it became too much too fast.

“I’m sorry... God. I shouldn’t have even said anything. And now I’m crying like a fucking idiot. It’s probably just the wine. It’s late, I should get going. Just forget I said anything, ok?”

And just like that you had grabbed your coat, faceted your shoes, and were out the door of his apartment. Nolan’s brain couldn’t keep up with yours and by the time he heard his door slam shut it was too late to tell you that everything was okay.

—————

Nolan tried calling you after that night, but he couldn’t get a hold of you. You couldn’t talk to him. You knew you couldn’t look him in the eyes, because for a couple of seconds you got too comfortable, you let go and let him in. It was a mistake, and Nolan would surely know that too. You had both decided this was just a transaction of sex, nothing more. You were the one who took it past that. You could have just brushed off the question that Nolan was surely regretting now.

Nolan was regretting asking that question, but not because he didn’t want to know. He regretted it because you were gone now, and he didn’t know how to get you back. You had both promised not to fall in love, not to affect each other’s lives, but that’s exactly what happened. Nolan was in love with you.

Kevin had to spell it out for Nolan as he sat on his couch explaining what had happened. Nolan knew he cared about you, but he hadn’t deciphered what that feeling in the pit of his stomach was when he saw you. He couldn’t explain why he had to constantly rub the back of his neck in nervousness when he caught you staring from across the room. He didn’t know what any of it meant.  

“Dude. I’m dumb. Like I’m big-Boston-hockey-dude dumb, but you’re an idiot. You’re in love with her man.”

“What? We’re friends, I’m just worried about her.”

“Well, she’s in love with you too.”

“It’s just sex.”

“If you were just friends, and if it was just sex, you guys would be fucking right now, and you wouldn’t be mopping here on Saturday night because she told you about her life and won’t talk to you now. She wouldn’t have told you that shit, and she wouldn’t be ignoring you now if she didn’t have feelings for you. You said it yourself, she doesn’t let people in, but she let you in.”

She let me in. That’s all Nolan could think. Maybe Kevin had a point. Maybe he did love her. Maybe you somehow loved him too. Nolan couldn’t quite wrap his mind around it. A couple days later he was getting more comfortable with all the reasons he loved you, but he still couldn’t figure out why you would love him.

He loved you because you were unwavering, absolute, and even a bit brazen. Over time Nolan had found that underneath that outside shell there was so much more. There was a girl who if you were patient and gentle, she might just let you in a little bit at a time. She unveiled her scars and her wounds, and Nolan was going to do anything he could to help them heal. He didn’t know that the feelings you were denying were nearly identical to the ones he was having right now. 

It’s been two weeks since you spoke to Nolan. You had also been ignoring Grace and Travis’ attempts to figure out what the hell was going on. You were telling yourself it was fine, and that everything would blow over. What you didn’t expect to see was a large body sitting in front of your apartment door when you got home from work.

“What are you doing here?” You didn’t meet his eyes as his towering frame rose from the floor. You kept your eyes fixed on your purse as you fished out the keys to your door, and as you stuck them into the door you weren’t sure if you should slam the door behind you or turn to listen to what he had to say.

“I know that you think I’m gonna be like every other guy, and I’m gonna use you or hurt you, and maybe I will, but if you let me try, I’ll try my hardest to never let that happen because it would break me to break you. I don’t need you to give me every piece of yourself right now, I don’t want it right now— “

You scoffed. For an apology or a speech or whatever it was you were listening to, it didn’t seem to be going too well.

“-I don’t want it right now, because I know I don’t deserve it. It has to be earned. Trust is earned and I just want you to give me the chance to earn it. I know what it’s like to feel like you can’t share yourself with people because you think they’ll be disappointed or throw it away because it’s not what they wanted. But that’s not what this is. I’m a huge idiot and I didn’t realize this until recently, but I trust you. I totally and completely trust you. I can’t say that about many people, but I can say that about you. You’ve earned it. I’ve let you into parts of my life and you’ve welcomed them. You brought me closer, and for the first time in a long time I didn’t want to run away. I’m not going to say it, because I know you need time, I know that if we do this, we have to take it slow, but I think you know how I feel about you because you feel the same way about me. Or at least I really really hope you do, because I’m totally falling for you amazing personality and stunning good looks.”

Nolan is practically out of breath after the word vomit that has escaped his mouth. You’re taking it all in. You’re taking him in, and you can’t help but let a smile creep onto your face.  Nolan somehow put everything you didn’t know you needed into words and you still didn��t know what to say, so you didn’t say anything.  Instead, you pulled him close to you and wrapped your short arms around his torso as you felt his own engulf your body. You both melted into each other and for the first time in weeks felt like you could breathe.

Neither of you were sure what was going to happen next, and how this would unfold, but you were willing to give him a chance. You were willing to let him show you what this could be, what you could be together, because you had both earned it. 

[fleetingpieces]

Playing with the stars

What if Remus didn’t get injured and was drafted to play for the Dallas Stars?

This is a very self indulgent piece cause happy-sportsman-Remus pretty much lives rent free in my brain.

I’m fairly new to hockey and very much in love with it, but sorry in advance if there’s anything not hockey-accurate!

Once again, thank you Jazzy @inloveoknutzy for beta-ing this! <3 You’re amazing

And the beautiful world building and OCs belong to the amazing @lumosinlove Thank you so much for such a great story <3

CW: mentions of past abuse and mild spice.

Sirius Black was not a clumsy person. He was fearless, dedicated, precise and ruthless against his adversaries.

At least, that’s how he usually behaved.

Today however, Sirius was just stepping on the ice, glancing around the rink, when his eyes landed on a familiar player on the other end and he slipped. Sirius cursed as he grabbed onto the boards to prevent a fall, mentally slapping himself. He was never like this. And he already knew the man would be there, so why was he even surprised? Of course he was there. They were facing his team after all.

It was the first game the Lions would play against the Dallas Stars this season, but Sirius wasn’t sure if he was ready for it. Every game against the Stars was torture, and it had nothing to do with them being insanely good. Sirius liked that part actually, it meant he had to really push himself to beat them.

No, his problem came in the form of one very fit Remus Lupin.

Sirius hadn’t actually, properly seen Remus play in a couple of months, and the impact was even greater because of that. He watched as Loops skated effortlessly on his half of the rink doing warm ups. The way his body moved as he glided through the ice, his muscles flexing underneath his uniform, and the glint in his eyes were enough to take Sirius’ breath away.

Of course, everyone knew who Remus was. First draft, golden boy, star rookie a few years back. Sirius was slightly embarrassed of how well acquainted he was with the man’s career. He’d watched his every game since Loops had started playing for the NHL, and when he was alone in his house he would sometimes watch his old tapes, even though he would never admit that to anyone.

There was a loud clunk from one of the goalposts when Remus took a hard slap shot, and Sirius cursed again. His lithe body seemed to flow over the white surface, his stick an extension of his arm with how confidently he wielded it, and that fiercely joyful smile. Damn that smile. Sirius could only stare as Tyler Seguin went over and crashed into Remus, grabbing him into a headlock and saying something that sent the man laughing.

How the fuck was Sirius supposed to focus on the game with something so beautiful right there?

Shaking his head, Sirius went the other way with a frown etched on his face. 

“What are you so grumpy about?” said Pots as he went past him.

“It’s nothing,” Sirius replied. He leaned over his knees and breathed slowly, before slapping hard on his thighs once and setting his eyes on the thing that mattered right then. The puck.

And if there were a pair of amber eyes following his movements from the other end of the rink at that exact moment, he didn’t really notice.

The puck dropped not too long after and the game started. Sirius was first line and won the face off, swiftly passing the puck to Finn, who took it all the way to the Stars net where Dobby was ready for him. Before he could do anything else though, Loops cut his way and stole the puck from right under his feet. Sirius found himself staring in awe as Remus dribbled past one of their defensemen, before he snapped out of it and turned quickly to give chase.

“What the hell was that, Cap?” Pots shouted a few feet ahead of him. Sirius could almost hear the smirk in his tone.

He grumbled but did not lose sight of the puck in front of him. Those two seconds of distraction had been enough for Remus to reach their defensive zone; the way he teared up the ice was ridiculous. He took the shot, but it went straight into Kasey's glove.

Well, that was a way to kick start the game.

“Yeah, Bliz!” Finn congratulated, tapping his helmet.

When it was time for the first change, Sirius sat down heavily as Dumo’s line went out. He clasped his hands together between his knees, with his head bowed down. He had to focus. This was no time to admire what a great player Loops was. Or how obscenely good he looked in his gear.

The Lions knew him to be the dedicated, focused captain of the team, not this silly mess of a man who couldn’t take his eyes off another man from the opposite team. No, there was too much at stake for him to lose it like this. It didn’t matter that his friends knew he was gay, he couldn’t just flaunt it in front of the cameras and the wild crowd. 

He owed it to his team to get it together. He started picking up the pace after that, slowly falling into that absolute-hockey headspace, but still he felt that he couldn’t play his usual game. He kept getting slightly distracted for short periods of time, and by the end of the first period he felt incredibly frustrated with himself. It was mainly thanks to his teammates’ skills that the score was still tied 0-0.

He made his way back to the locker room behind them all, admonishing his own behaviour and telling himself he would do better in the second part of the game. He was so focused on his internal rant that he barely noticed Dumo falling into step beside him, and jumped when he placed a hand on his shoulder.

There was a knowing smile on his face that Sirius wanted to wipe off, but his tone was kind as he spoke, albeit slightly teasing.

“Mon fils, if you want to stare you have my full support, but perhaps we should focus on the game now, non?”

With that he chuckled, squeezed his shoulder and entered the locker room ahead of him.

Sirius took a second to stand outside the door, smiling at how simple and easy it was to talk about it with Dumo. The man was like family, a good kind of family. He’d taken him in and protected him against Sirius’ own mother, he’d given him a real home. It was such a Dumo thing to do, talk about his biggest secret as if it was the most normal thing in the world; Sirius could only shake his head as he followed behind him.

“Damn that Lupin!” was the first thing he heard as he stepped in. Finn was in the middle of complaining while making big gestures with his hands, and Logan and Leo were staring at him with fond, amused smiles on their faces. “It’s like every time you turn around he’s there! It’s insane how fast that man is.”

Talker came over then and slapped Sirius on the back.

“Don’t feel too bad Cap. He’s a beautiful man; sometimes I also find myself getting distracted by him.” At Sirius’ raised eyebrow, he added, “I stare with respect.”

He said it with a completely straight face, but Sirius saw the mirth dancing in his eyes. Some of the guys around laughed, adding a few comments of their own to the friendly banter. Sirius wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve such an amazing team. Although the last thing he needed right now was to keep on thinking about Remus, so he tuned them out until Coach came in to go over their strategy.

Second period started in a similar way than the first had, only the pressure had increased. The players were marking each other more tightly, the puck kept going from the Stars’ zone to the Lion’s, and there had been no shots on goal so far.

Halfway through, the whistle blew as one of the referees called an offside on Dallas, and both teams skated over for the face off. As Sirius was getting closer, Loops skated in his direction, locking eyes with him as he circled behind him, and Sirius had to will his body not to jump when Remus started talking with his mouth close to Sirius’ ear.

“I wonder what got the great Captain Sirius Black so distracted?” he said in a playful tone, and Sirius didn’t have to look to know he was smiling.

He was taunting him, the bastard, and fuck if that didn’t ignite a fire inside Sirius’ body.

“Worry about losing your own focus Lupin, or you’ll end up biting the ice,” he replied in the same tone, and was rewarded with a soft chuckle.

If Remus wanted to play like that, Sirius would give him a performance to remember. It was a challenge, Sirius could feel his body thrumming with the adrenaline of it as he finally relaxed completely and played the way he was supposed to from the start.

Sirius managed to change the rhythm of the game with a fast pass he sent Pots’ way, that ended up being the first goal; then Logan scored another one right before the second intermission, setting the team’s spirits on a high. But then Remus scored two incredibly gorgeous goals in the third period that left Sirius slightly light headed.

They were tied.

And right now Sirius was having an internal battle as well as the one going on by the boards, as he and Loops fought for the puck, their bodies close together and Remus’ witty chirps in the air. It was taking all of Sirius’ years of discipline to keep his head in the game.

“Oh hey, you finally decided to come out to play?” Remus said as he bumped into him from behind and Sirius had to bite back a laugh, before spinning around and lightly sending Remus against the boards in retaliation.

“Look alive, Lupin!”

With barely two minutes left on the clock, Sirius managed to get the puck across to Talker, skated behind the net to position himself on the other side of the rink, shook off two defensemen as the puck headed his way again, and immediately whipped it into the goal, making the horn blare.

Screams and cheers erupted all over as the whole team crashed into him. They won, but it had been a very close call.

Nonetheless, it was over now and Sirius could go back to his hotel room and be alone for a bit. And probably watch some tape. The guys were going to grab food on the way, so Sirius excused himself to go lie down and whack himself for being such a klutz during the first half of the game. He was sure it would become easier with time, today he’d just been less prepared than he’d thought he was, and he vowed to make it better.

Just as he was heading outside through the empty hallway, a door opened and he turned around to see Lupin and Seguin coming out of their own locker room, and the sight was just a bit too much for Sirius right then.

Remus was in his game suit, his hair wet from the shower, with a stray curl falling on his forehead that Sirius desperately wanted to brush off. He was once more laughing at something Seguin had said, which made Sirius frown as he turned away, shoving his hands in his pockets.

There was nothing he could do about it, he wanted too many things that he couldn’t have.

Once he was outside, having escaped through the back door that led to the parking lot, he leaned against a wall before he lit up a cigarette and took a few long hauls, closing his eyes for a few minutes.

“Hey,” a voice said beside him and Sirius almost jumped out of his skin.

“Fuck, are you a ninja or something?” Sirius asked, bringing a hand to his heart, still holding the cigarette. He hadn’t heard Remus coming out.

Loops grinned as he came to stand right next to Sirius, but then his eyes focused on the cigarette on his hand and he lifted an eyebrow.

“Does your PT know that you smoke?”

“No, and there’s no need for him to know. I only smoke when I’m stressed.”

“What are you stressed about? You were amazing out there.”

“Not in the first period,” Sirius mumbled as he took another drag, but Remus heard him.

“And why is that?” he asked with a smirk, taking a step closer.

Sirius huffed in exasperation.

“Fuck Re, do you know how hot you look out there? Did you really have to make it that hard on me?” he lifted an eyebrow at the innuendo, which only made Remus’ wolfish grin go wider.

“Hmm. You didn’t expect me to go easy on you just because we’re dating, right?”

Remus placed a hand on the wall next to Sirius’ head, guarded by the darkness of the parking lot, and looked at him straight in the eye. The golden flecks in Remus’ irises seemed to have a light of their own, and Sirius could only stare, transfixed, as Remus’ long fingers reached up to snatch the cigarette right from between his lips and placed it in his own mouth. Without breaking eye contact, he took a slow drag and exhaled to the side before stubbing the fag against the wall.

“Hey!”

Remus’ hand came to rest on the other side of Sirius’ head, and he pressed their chests together, slotting his thigh between Sirius’.

“Y’know, if it was that hard on you,” he punctuated by pressing his thigh down ever so slightly, smiling as a whine sounded at the back of Sirius’ throat, “there are other ways to help you relax,” he said with a tilt of his head, before he ducked down to suck on Sirius’ neck.

“I...Re...”

“You’re not flying back to Gryffindor tomorrow, right?” Remus whispered against the skin just under his ear, pulling a breathy “No” out of Sirius that sounded more like a moan. “Good. I can stay with you all night then, yeah?” he added before he scraped his teeth against Sirius’ ear lobe, and Sirius had to blink a few times to clear his fuzzy head.

"I...quoi?" He had to resist the urge to slap himself. Use your words, Black.  “I mean...what?” Oh yeah, much better.

Remus leaned back just enough to look at him with a smile, tucking Sirius’ hair behind his ear.

“Will you be missed if I take you home?” he said in an amused tone, tilting his head in a way that was so adorable Sirius had to fight to keep another whine in.

“I thought you had a team dinner you couldn’t miss.” Sirius hesitated before continuing, “Isn’t it too risky for us to do this?”

“No,” Remus said immediately. Then, after a short pause, “I mean, I do, and it is, but...I haven’t seen you in almost a month, Pads. I...I missed you.”

Sirius’ heart melted. It’d been hard on both of them since the season had started; their tight training schedules and the fact that they lived in different cities didn’t allow them much time together. Being apart from Remus felt like being off balance, like his world was tilted to the side, and it had only settled on its right edge the moment Sirius had gone on the rink today and laid eyes on Remus again.

Sirius cupped Remus’ cheek, and the other man pressed against his touch, closing his eyes as a fond smile slowly made its way through his face.

“What?” Sirius asked.

“Do you remember that first time I asked you out?”

Sirius was surprised into silence for a few seconds, before he got what Remus was thinking about and he huffed a laugh.

Of course he remembered.

They had been in a very similar situation to the one they were in now, but still, so many things had changed.

The Lions had been playing against Dallas too on that day, only they were at Hogwarts stadium, with their chance at the playoffs at stake. And Sirius’ parents had been there.

Their words, their hard looks, Walburga’s hand digging into his shoulder...it had all been too much and Sirius had found himself spiralling down into the scared, closed off boy he’d used to be before he’d started playing with the Lions. Before he’d been accepted into a real team, a real family.

At that moment, all he could think about was pressure, reputation, and secrets.

He couldn’t let his parents find out. He couldn’t let his friends find out. And then, after the game, he’d been alone at the parking lot trying to get his breathing under control, ripping a leaflet to pieces when a soft hand was placed on top of his, and Sirius had looked up to concerned amber eyes.

To the one person he was supposed to avoid at all costs.

Remus had removed his hand from Sirius’, taking what was left of the paper from him and throwing it in the bin in the corner.

“Hey! I was using that!”

“What for?” He’d sounded genuinely curious, which confused Sirius as they were cordial with each other but they weren’t really friends.

Staring ahead, Sirius had avoided looking him in the eye as he ran a hand through his hair.

“There was something on my mind.”

“Hmm,” Remus hummed.

Sirius had glanced to his side and found Remus staring at him straight in the eye, before the other man stuffed his hands in his pockets and leaned on the wall beside him.

“Are you free?”

“Hm?” Sirius asked absentmindedly. He’d been too busy staring at the way Remus’ shoulders strained against his shirt to register what had been said.

The corners of Remus’ mouth turned up in a sweet smile, making Sirius’ breath stop completely. He couldn’t help but think he was gorgeous. 

“Are you free right now or do you have somewhere to be?”

“Oh. No, I’m done for the evening,” Sirius said, confused as to where that had come from.

“Well then, wanna go grab dinner?”

“I...what?” Sirius was perplexed. He’d not been expecting that.

“Dinner. With me,” Remus said, amused. What was going on? Was this...was Remus flirting with him? No, that couldn’t be it; Loops was known to be one of the most caring players out there, he’d probably seen that Sirius was struggling with something and just wanted to help. But even if that was it, he was not about to turn the man down.

“I...yeah. Yeah, I would like that,” Sirius said as a small smile spread over his face.

When Remus gave him a happy grin of his own, eyes shining bright, Sirius’ stomach had done a flip, and he’d known he was totally, and absolutely fucked.

He felt his body tingle just like it had back then when Remus trailed his fingers along his jaw, bringing him back to the present.

“Yeah, I remember,” Sirius placed his hands on Remus’ cheeks and kissed him, slow and steady, making Remus sigh and sag against him as he talked between kisses, never letting their lips part further than an inch. “You were so cute. And sweet. I was so fucking surprised that you asked me out, but I didn’t dare believe you actually wanted...well, me.”

Remus laughed, nudging at Sirius’ nose with his own. 

“How could I not want you? Did you look at you? Do you know how sweet, caring and amazing you are?”

Sirius groaned as he nipped at the other man’s bottom lip, making him jump in surprise. He let his fingers run among the wild tawny curls, pulling at them slightly at the back of Remus’ neck. Remus let his head fall back, and instantly felt Sirius’ mouth on the soft skin under his jaw, trailing warm open-mouth kisses until he reached his collarbone.

“Re,” he whispered, feeling his boyfriend’s chest rising and falling in short shallow breaths.

“Yeah?”

“Please take me home.”

[writhingcreature]

I LOVE the idea of jock/nerd Mericcup and cheerleader/jock Rapunstrid, do you have any more headcanons for that au?

I tried writing this and got distracted and now O have to start from the beginning so... let’s try this again

- Hiccup keeps trying to ask Merida out but his awkwardness and self Doubt keep tying his tongue and hands and feet and he fails again and again. Merida knows what he’s trying to say but she wants to give him the chance to do it since she knows it might hurt his pride if she asks him. Eventually she does anyway though and Hiccup is so relieved he’s been put out of his misery he kisses her right then and there and everyone’s like OoO

- Hiccup and Astrid are neighbors and they grew up right next door to each other. Like, saw each other through the window and climbed onto each other’s roofs and such. They did that thing where they opened their windows and just... talked if they were too lazy to climb up onto the roof. So they’re like actually really close friends. As kids Astrid always found Hiccup annoying and it was like “your mom is friend with my mom” but eventually he started tutoring her and she thought she was doing fine at school but suddenly she was acing everything and it all made sense and after that she thought Hiccup was cool

- Merida and Rapunzel live quite a bit from each other but Merida skateboards and Rapunzel goes on morning bike rides and walks and jogs and skates (on rollerblades) and really ANYTHING that gets her out in the morning. They end up meeting when Merida falls off her skateboard and busting her knee - Rapunzel took care of it with the med kit she always takes with her everywhere. After that they were best friends and upon hitting middle school, joined sports together to figure out what they liked. Rapunzel was good at cheerleading, being very petite and acrobatic, and Merida was better at the classic sports (soccer, hockey, baseball, football, etc.). They do figure skating together. When Merida had to fight to be on the guys’ team, or just. Create a girls’ sports team, Rapunzel was there to support her every step of the way.

- Astrid and Merida are on a team together. Astrid does either hockey or soccer (or maybe both Idk which seasons they are but it feels like they’d be in different ones) but eventually Merida talks her into joining every one that Merida is in too. They get each other SO much and eventually develop like a secret language. No one knows if that’s true for sure, but these two girls can communicate without moving their body or saying a single word and it’s so effortless and perfect a system that people thought they were dating for the longest time. When someone finally brought it up (it was Snotlout) the two laughed so hard and so long that he blushed, and they NEVER let him live it down. It was just so absurd to them....

- Astrid and Rapunzel actually happened pretty fast. Everyone thought Astrid would take charge, and normally she does. She’s confident and sure of herself and has fingers in SO many pies, and she doesn’t ever shrink from any competition. Everything seems very easy for her and she never falters off fumbles... that is until she tries to talk to Rapunzel. Because Astrid can affectionately bulky Hiccup and Merida already gets her so well that she doesn’t have to try to communicate with her. But Rapunzel is... her opposite in a lot of ways. She’s small and soft spoken and artistic. Her mind is creative and her hands are gentle and her eyes are huge and her smile is warm. Rapunzel is this golden stream in a fairytale and Astrid is.... probably a rock. Of some kind. Anyway, the point is Rapunzel approaches her with that pretty smile and those large eyes and very clearly asks her out and Astrid’s lucky that Merida’s there to say yes for her because her mouth forgets how to move

- Rapunzel cheers SO LOUD for Astrid every game, and they start to sit on the bench together if there’s any free time. During the half time show, Astrid cheers just as loud for Rapunzel and the phrase “THATS MY GIRLFRIEND” gets thrown around a. Lot. They get super competitive all the time and end up having so much fun. Rapunzel is a bit of a softie and let Astrid win a lot in the beginning until Astrid called her out and called her a loser (affectionate) and from then it was ON. No one thought anyone could beat Astrid at anything until Rapunzel came around.

- Hiccup tries to follow what’s happening in the games but he often gets really distracted and confused and ends up analyzing the plays and bombarding everyone with questions afterward. Astrid and Merida eventually directed him to Rapunzel, who actually listened to him and realized how genius his ideas and observations were. They started to talk with the coach about ways to make the team better, and Hiccup eventually starts to just. Help the coaches in general and no one even asks anymore.

- Hiccup has a cat named Toothless and he and Rapunzel are the BEST of friends. Astrid didn’t like him at first but softened upon seeing Rapunzel and Hiccup be so adorable with the little creature. Toothless HATED Merida for the longest time no matter what she tried and it made everyone laugh constantly. Eventually the little thing warmed up to her but for a while there Merida stayed by Astrid “where it’s safe” as she said.

- Rapunzel also has a pet chameleon and she DOTES on that thing. She knows everything about them and anytime anyone asks about Pascal she just wants and rants and rants about fun facts. It’s the only time Astrid will without complaint Listen to someone just talk facts and knowledge. Astrid usually finds it so boring but Rapunzel is so adorable when she goes off about this thing she’s so passionate about that Astrid doesn’t even mind.

- After watching Hiccup with Toothless for a while, Astrid gets her own cat named Stormfly and they are a DYNAMIC duo. Stormfly is almost as well trained as Toothless a lot sooner, and they just have this very clear understanding. Stormfly doesn’t hate Merida, so the red head prefers this cat, and Toothless often glares at her for hours for it. Rapunzel and Stormfly take to each other even faster than Rapunzel and Toothless did. Rapunzel smells like Astrid and Stormfly is HERE for it

- Rapunzel and Merida take riding lessons on the weekends. It was something they looked into when they were really young and when they finally convinced their parents to let them it was the single best thing to ever happen to either of them. Riding Maxmimus and Angus are the best parts of their week in most cases (unless something special happens) and the horses are considered as much their pets as the cats or chameleon. They end up buying them after they get out of college and securing a house for all four of them with a big enough back yard to keep the horses in. It’s a good time.

- Hiccup works as a mechanic, fixing mostly cars but also small stuff like bikes and the such in his free time. Toothless came to him missing a leg, so Hiccup comes up with a lot of really clever contraptions and systems to help Toothless move around the house without Hiccup’s help. He still prefers to be lifted into bed, but anywhere else is free game.

- Rapunzel gets a job at first at a diner, where she spends her highschool and college career working her butt off. It wasn’t the best experience but it achieved the goals Rapunzel needed to so she could go to college and become an art teacher instead. It wasn’t the best paying job, but it allowed her to show others why she valued painting so much, and left plenty time in the year to also go traveling if she wished. She’s very good at saving money so she makes it work.

- Astrid works a lot of fast food at first and even takes a stint at the diner with Rapunzel, but her short temper ends up getting her into a lot of situations where she hates her job and ends up leaving after six to eight months. Nowhere was very good for her until she finally got a job at a gym where she ended up learning a lot of really fun skills like self defense and axe throwing. She did it for so many years and got so good that she was hired on as the instructor, and she’s never been happier than in a position where if a man pushes the limits or a Karen tries her patience, all she has to do is sink an axe into a target and turn to them with a raised eyebrow and ask, “What was that again?” It works every time and unless someone has an actual problem they don’t bother her.

- Merida struggles with work. She gets every job under the sun, taking stints at the diner with Rapunzel and the mechanic’s shop with Hiccup and even eventually at the gym and fun enter with Astrid. She gets bored very easily and doesn’t keep a job more than like four or fives months at Max. Ever. She doesn’t think she’s good at anything and might have peaked in high school... until she discovers archery. In an attempt to help her out, Astrid pitches to the fun center to add archery as an activity, and Merida begins to come to it. Unfortunately they can’t really find a teacher who knows what they’re doing and Merida is the only one who shows up so for a while it’s threatening to shut down. But then Merida teaches herself via the internet and insane amounts of practice, and tries out for the job. They give her the position, but tell her that without customers it’s still going to go down.

- the four gather ALL of their friends and begin mass sharing any and all information they can get out there about the fun center and Merida’s growing skills and how helpful she’ll be as the teacher. They just spread the news and encourage people to at least try it out. Through sheer force of Will and hard work, they get enough people with interests peaked who end up coming. Merida’s classes are full of all kinds of people of all kinds of ages, and she loves it.

- none of them get paid a LOT, but Rapunzel and Hiccup are very good at saving money and slowly, Astrid learns as well and between the three of them they can get things figured out even if Merida doesn’t want to waste energy on budgeting and planning everything out and such. When the fun center is out for winter time, and school is out for Summer, they start taking temporary jobs that pay a lot more money. These jobs end up being labor intensive, but they always try and work together and combined, they can find the fun in even the most annoying jobs. Sometimes Hiccup will join them if he’s having a slow time at work, but he never lasts long and the girls tease him a lot about it.

- Yes the hall live together and yes they have “family nights” where they all go out and do something fun once every month, and they eat dinner and breakfast together as much as they can and they’re all very close and mean a lot to each other god I love them.

There are obviously a ton of other characters in this little world I’ve built so if you have any questions feel free to ask!

[gaemkyuu]

I Can’t Keep Pretending (Charlie Gillespie x Original Character)

Warnings: mentions of cheating and sexual innuendos, but nothing explicit. A/N: Just a thought that came to mind when listening Back to December by Taylor Swift. Hopefully, you like it! Disclaimer: This is a FICITONAL writing piece! In no way do I claim characters in this piece act this way in real life.

Masterlist *now taking requests ;)

I can’t keep pretending (Charlie Gillespie x Original Character)

“Happy birthday-...Charlie?” 

“Cadence?”

Both people stood at Owen’s door, speechless and shocked to see one another. After a beat and a pause, the air grew uncomfortable and awkward as they stood there staring at each other.

“Charlie, who is it?” Owen called from the Kitchen, shaking Charlie out of his trance. He motioned for Cadence to enter the apartment, who rushed over to Owen and gave him a big hug.

“Cady! So good to see you!” Owen gave her a bone crushing hug and lifted her off her feet as he hugged her, something he enjoyed as she was quite short. “I thought you were leaving today!”

“I am! I was on my way to the airport and I wanted to stop by and give you your birthday gift” Cadence handed him a beautifully wrapped rectangle box, which Owen opened up eagerly. All the while, Charlie stood awkwardly in the background, never really straying far from the front door, watching the interaction between the two. “Figured that since you were going to start shooting for season 2, these would come in handy” Owen pulled out two drumsticks and flickered light when they made contact with each other.

“You are the bestest friend ever!” He gave her another bear hug, thanking her for the gift. 

“I thought I was your best friend?” Charlie pouted, something which Cadence softly rolled her eyes to.

Owen and Cadence had been friends since they were 5 years old, as she was the first friend Owen made when he moved back to America from Germany. The two went to school together and eventually were homeschooled together when Owen pursued acting and Cadence pursued figure skating and dance. Being next door neighbours helped build their friendship too. Even when Owen scored his first gig as Crispo, Cadence was offered a spot on the Junior Olympic team and had to move to LA. Their mothers loved the timing and the two friends couldn’t complain, but as they grew older, their careers would often take them to different places. Owen lived in between Oklahoma and California, while Cadence ended up living between California and Canada. Even though their careers were taking them in different directions, they always made time for one another.

That’s how Cadence met Charlie.

When Owen started filming Julie and the Phantoms, he often visited Cadence when she was free, since she was training in Vancouver at the time. Naturally, Cadence met the cast and they all became friends very quickly, which led them to spend a lot of time together. Her and Charlie naturally hit it off as she loved everything to do with skating and he loved hockey. The connection over the ice rink evolved into commonalities with favorite TV shows and soon everyone around them disappeared. Not that anyone minded! To be honest, everyone, including Owen, thought it was a matter of time before the two got together. Cadence was calm, poised and controlled, while Charlie was the opposite. They pulled out the best in each other and when they broke up, their friends mourned over the end of their relationship too. It didn’t help that it wasn’t a pretty break up either.

“You are my best friend Charlie, but you’re more like a bro, y’know?” Charlie smiled and Owen’s phone began to ring. “It’s my mom, let me take this call!” and without a thought disappeared into his room, leaving Cadence and Charlie alone.

“So, how have you been?” Cadence couldn’t handle awkward silences and she silently cursed Owen, knowing he knew how she felt about Charlie. “Working on any new projects?”

“Other than Julie and the Phantoms, nothing is coming up. But I did do a fun Netflix short film type thing, so there’s that” He sat down on one side of the couch and Cadence followed, sitting on the other side. She sat straight, hands in her lap, shoulders a little stiff. He sat hunched over, hands linked together, shoulders sagging. “How about you? Owen said you qualified for 2022 Winter Olympics” 

“Yeah, I did. Just training for that really.” another awkward pause, both people looking for something to say. “Are you excited to start filming?”

“Yeah. I mean it’s been a while and we’re excited to get on board, so there’s that...” Anyone could tell that Charlie was looking for some way to prolong his response so that there were no more empty spaces, but how could they so that since the last time they saw each other was when they broke up? Especially when it was something that people talked about for weeks...

***

Charlie drank way too much that night. A combination of work stress and missing Cadence had gotten to be a little too much, resulting in one too many drinks and a few poor judgement calls later. Some girl at the bar had wanted his attention and Charlie couldn’t help but think she looked a lot like Cadence. Next thing he knew, she was giving him hickeys and making out with him, something Charlie didn’t fight at the beginning. However, in the drunken haze, he had a moment of clarity where he pushed the girl off of him and walked home to clear his head. He would have to explain this to Cadence because he felt guilty about it, but he was sure she would understand. 

Charlie found out the fastest way to sober up that night and it involved Cadence standing in the living room with a box of Tim Horton’s donuts, looking confused, shocked and heartbroken. Charlie then became painfully aware of the hickeys decorating his neck and the fact that he was stumbling into his apartment at 2am didn’t help his case.

“Cadence? I thought you were in Vancouver for the rest of the week?” he saw her grip on the box of donuts tighten.

“I wanted to surprise you” her voice wavered, and she took careful deep breaths to stop the tears from falling. “Should I even ask?”

“Cadence I swear, it’s not what it looks like. I had a little too much to drink-”

“If it’s not what it looks like, then what is it Charlie?” he stood there speechless and stuttered to come up with an explanation. No matter what way Charlie tried to recount the events of the night, each version sounded worse than the previous version. “So you drank too much, saw a girl that looked like me, made out with her, even though you knew I was in Vancouver?”

Charlie couldn’t speak because she recounted the events of the nights exactly as they happened. He didn’t know what else to say. “I’m sorry Cadence”

“Sorry isn’t going to cut it Charlie. I’ve been working my butt off and to come home to see you like this?! I knew being apart was hard on us, but if you wanted out of the relationship Charlie, I thought you would have the decency to break up with me and not cheat on me!” the tears spilled over and Charlie’s heart broke. He had never seen her cry and he hated being the reason for the first time that he did. She placed the box of donuts on the counter and picked up her duffle bag that she had brought with her. “I’m going to stay with Savannah. Don’t bother calling me when you’re sober”

***

“You guys, my mom is the sweetest! She dressed up Bindi in a birthday hat to sing happy birthday to me!” Owen walked back into the main living area, breaking the awkward silence that had settled between them. 

“Hey O, I gotta head out and catch my flight back to LA. My driver’s out front waiting. I just wanted to stop by and wish you happy birthday” Cadence got up quickly walking to hug the man, who gave her a big hug in return. Charlie stood up as well, not sure what to do with his body. The two friends headed for the door and gave each other one last hug.

“Thank you for stopping by! Congratulations again on qualifying future Mrs. Mathias-Perez” Owen yelled down the hall smiling and closing the door. He turned to Charlie to discuss what the plans were for the evening, but stopped when he saw the look of shock, confusion and anger on his face. 

“She’s engaged? To that guy she’s been with for six months?” Charlie couldn’t figure out if he was mad or upset or both. Sure, it had been a year since they were together, but surely anyone would agree that six months was way too early for an engagement! “Owen, you don’t even like the guy! How could you let her get engaged?!”

“Charlie, she’s happy. For the first time in a long time, she is happy. I haven’t seen her this happy since she was with you. Sure, I may not like the guy, but she deserves to be happy. If he makes her happy then who am I to take that away from her?” Owen tried to empathize with Charlie, but knowing how the relationship went down and how he was a part of both peoples’ recovery process, he couldn’t take this away from her. “Plus, I thought you didn’t care anymore Charlie”

It was true. Charlie acted like he didn’t care that Cadence broke up with him and tried to be very nonchalant about it. For the most part, he kept up this facade, when in reality it was how he was coping. He didn’t want to admit that he messed up and was the one in the wrong, but he also knew there would be no one else like Cadence.

“I don’t. I just think it’s a little messed up, that’s all.” Charlie tried to shrug it off, hoping Owen would drop it. “Anyways Birthday Boy, what’s the plan?”

***

Owen knew that neither one of them were over each other. He knew that Cadence getting engaged was Cadence trying to fill the void to forget about Charlie. He sat with her in person or over the phone every time she cried about it. He knew how much she loved Charlie and when he broke her heart, Owen watched her as she tried to pick up the pieces. He was there for all of her sleepless nights where she would toss and turn and relive that night that she left Charlie’s apartment.

Owen was also there for Charlie. He knew that Charlie’s attitude was a self-defense mechanism to ward off any attention about how he truly felt about losing Cadence, but one night he got a little too drunk and confessed to his group of friends how he really felt. Charlie didn’t remember pouring his heart out to his friends, so they kept it quiet, choosing to remain friends with both of them, but respecting the fact that they didn’t want to see each other.

Their friends became hopeful three months after their relationship when they agreed to celebrate Savannah’s birthday as a big group. It was that night that Charlie and Cadence spoke for the first time about what happened, and while no one was there to hear the conversation. They agreed that the most they could be were simply friends, even though the feelings were still there. They didn’t talk to each other unless they saw each other at a mutual friend’s gathering, and even then it was never just the two of them. They said the odd occasional happy birthday on the group chat with friends, but never addressed each other via text or call. They kept the relationship very platonic and a ‘contact only when necessary’ method. 

One can imagine how surprised Charlie was when he received a fancy invitation inviting him to her engagement party. At first, Charlie felt like it was an attack, stating that she was happier without him, but then he realized that she really meant it when she said that she wanted to be friends. This is what friends do. They invite each other to celebrate monumental moments in their lives with them. Yet Charlie felt his stomach dropped as the engagement really sank in. Cadence was moving on and he missed his chance.

He really debated as to whether or not he would go, but Owen finally convinced him that he had to go or else he would confirm everyone’s suspicion that he still loved Cadence and that he was bitter that she was moving on. No matter which way he looked at it, his absence would be felt among his friends and Cadence. Therefore, he put on his best semi-formal attire and headed to the event in Malibu with Owen. He was grateful that his other friends were there as it eased the tension a bit and helped distract him from only thinking about Cadence. However, he couldn’t stop himself from being concerned when Cadence’s husband-to-be pulled Owen aside to whisper in his ear. The look on Owen’s face meant something was up and Charlie couldn’t help but sneakily follow him. Charlie hid around the corner and peaked at his friend who was knocking urgently on the door.

“Cady, open up, it’s Owen!” he kept knocking at the door but no one answered. “Cady come on, I can hear you crying in there. Let me in” again no answer, causing Owen to sigh in frustration. He saw Owen exchange some quiet words with her fiancé, who nodded as both of them walked away, Charlie quickly hiding himself, in hopes that he wouldn’t be seen. He couldn’t tell you why he followed them, or why he walked up to the door after they had left, or why he softly knocked, but Cadence opened the door at his knock not expecting to see him. Before she could protest or ask him anything, he gently pushed her back into the room and shut the door behind him, locking it again.

“What are you doing here?” she sniffled, turning to the mirror dabbing her eyes. This was the second time he saw her cry.

“I should be asking you that question” she scoffed at his remark and felt the tears spilling over again. Charlie didn't say a single thing and sat down on the love seat. Looking around the room, he could tell it was just a small powder room for the guests to use for some quiet time or for a mother to nurse. He watched as Cadence paced the room wiping her tears, waiting patiently for her to speak and desperately trying to come up with what to do. “Y’alright?”

“I’m totally fine!!!” she yelled at him exasperatedly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you” he chuckled at her apology

“It’s fine. I deserve it” this caused a small smile to appear on her face. “Wanna talk about it?” At first she shook her head and paced around the room some more, but finally caved. She plopped down beside him on the love seat, head in her hands.

“I have the most wonderful fiancé who has been there for me and who has made me feel happy again. I should be the happiest person in the world, but I’m not. Girls would kill to have him as a husband and here I am feeling like I am making the biggest mistake of my life.” she sniffed some more and Charlie passed her a Kleenex.

“Why’s that?” he inched closer to her and started rubbing her back. It was something he did when he knew she was upset because it brought her comfort. Apparently this was something he shouldn’t have done because Cadence shot up from the couch and stomped away from him.

“Because I still love you!” she turned around and faced him, tears falling down her face. “I don’t understand why! You made out with another girl at a bar drunk because you missed me! I should be mad at you and I should think that you’re the scum of the earth! Yet, I continue to be friends with you and see you around with our friends, and I have to keep pretending like I don’t think of you! I have to pretend that I don’t miss you anymore! Wishing that you asked me to marry me and not him!” she slapped her hand over her mouth as soon as the phrase left her mouth. “I didn’t mean that... I’m not thinking straight... I’m just stressed and under a lot of pressure” Charlie was sure she was saying this to herself, making it even more obvious that she was not confident about going through with the engagement.

 “Cady take a deep breath. You’re going to trigger a panic attack at this rate” she followed his orders and sat back down beside him. He wrapped an arm around her, rubbing her arm in hopes to soothe her. She leaned her head on his shoulder, the silence filling the room once again.

“Do you still love me?” The desperation in her voice was unlike anything Charlie had ever heard from her. It was as if she was begging to hear the answer. He opened and closed his mouth several times, thinking about what he wanted to say, ultimately settling for the truth. 

“I never stopped. I’ve regretted every moment.” The two sat there in silence, letting his answer sink in. “I can’t ask you to forgive me because I don’t deserve it. I can’t ask you to be with me because I know how much I hurt you. I have debated over and over about whether or not I should try to convince you to give me another chance, but Owen was right. He was able to make you happy again after I crushed you. Who was I to stop you from moving on?” 

The door suddenly opened and in the doorway stood Owen and Cadence’s fiancé a little out of breath, but holding the key to the room. A look of shock and happiness crossed Owen’s face, but confusion and hurt crossed her fiancé’s face. Both of them rose quickly, Cadence wiping away her tears and fixing her dress, Charlie taking one big step away from her.  

“Hi Darling. Charlie was looking for the bathroom and ran into me in the hallway. I was just feeling overwhelmed, but he was able to talk me down from an anxiety attack.” Cadence knew that was the stupidest excuse for what just happened, but Charlie took that as a cue to leave, Owen following suit, leaving the two to discuss in private. 

“You alright man?” Owen asked patting Charlie on the back.  

“Yeah. Uh, I think I need to head home. Pretty sure her fiancé doesn’t want me here any more. Cover for me? I don’t want to cause a scene” Owen nodded understandingly. He could tell that more transpired between Cadence and Charlie than what they were letting off.  

Charlie drove home, knowing that Owen could easily catch a ride with one of their other friends. He drove from Malibu to LA with the windows down blasting music, lost in his own thoughts. He would give anything to have a second chance with Cadence, but he knew that sometimes you mess up so badly, that you don’t deserve that second chance. He couldn’t blame her for the choices she made that night. When his ex girlfriend, before Cadence, cheated on him, it took him a whole year before he started considering liking someone, let alone dating them. Heck, he wouldn’t be surprised if Cadence hated him for the rest of her life. Yet she confessed to still loving him and wanting to be with him, something Charlie wanted so badly. Pulling into his parking space, he lowered down the music and shut off his vehicle, the silence on the way to the door a little too much for him. He quickly got ready for bed, something he thought of as pointless because he knew he would lie there all night thinking about what Cadence said. 

What if he begged for her back?

What if they got back together?

What if he proposed to her? 

As he lay in his bed, he put on some music, hoping that the melodies would help ease his mind. This was something he always did when he felt overwhelmed. He would put on some music, close his eyes and just listen. Charlie didn’t know how much time passed as he was lost in his thoughts, but a sudden pounding at the door jolted him out of bed. Startled and a little frazzled, he took a moment to compose himself, wondering if he was hearing things or if there was someone banging on his door. His question was soon answered when the banging occurred again. Throwing on some pants, he rushed to the front door, confused as who might be banging. He glanced at the clock by the front door quickly before answering it: 12am.  

Cadence stood there for a brief second before hugging him tightly and confessing. “I couldn’t do it Charlie. I couldn’t marry someone when I’m still in love with you. I’m still pissed that you hurt me and I haven’t completely forgiven you, but I can’t be without you. I can’t be with anyone except you” Charlie held her in his arms tightly, as if this was a dream. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I put you through. Be mad at me, do whatever you want to me. Just please give me a chance to make this right” he pleaded and she held him tighter. “Will you give me one more shot?” he pulled away to look her in the eyes and the next second her lips were on Charlie’s, who gladly kissed her back. He took a few steps back and she kicked the door close with her foot, their lips never leaving each others. Their kiss was filled with so many emotions. It was as if it said “I’m sorry”, “I forgive you”, “I’m still mad at you”, “I miss you”, and “I still love you” all in one go. As they slowly separated and stared deep into each other’s eyes, the silence actually felt like it belonged. The buzz of their phones distracted them and they broke the kiss. Rolling their eyes at the text and making eye contact affirmed that they had gotten the same text. Charlie placed his and her phone on the counter, kissing her again passionately, and dragging her back into his bedroom. They had a lot that they needed to work out.

‘I told you so’ -Owen