#my love for will graham is immeasurable

[linusbenjamin]

Will Graham + this is my design™

[thepunkranger]

Resident Evil Characters - A Summary

Note: This is entirely my own opinion and said with a heavy dose of humor

Please enjoy

Chris Redfield

OG

Started as a twunk

Became an angry gorilla man???

Alpha Male™️

Punches boulders

Wants you to marry his sister

Smoker

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife

Rude to wait staff

2/10 - Just a guy. Hit him with your car

-

Jill Valentine

Other OG

Arguably better main of RE1

Master of Unlocking

Bisexual Bob™️

Butch

Supercop

Once got mind-controlled into going blonde

Rocket Launcher babe

PTSD

Big Strap Energy

Giant anime gun

10/10

-

Albert Wesker

OG Baddy

Sunglasses

Thinks he’s cool

A little too into Chris

“What are we going to do this game, Albert?”

“What we do every game, Alex: try to take over the world”

Matrix jacket

Maybe a vampire?

Looks like my uncle (derogatory)

4/10

-

Barry Burton

Bear

A+ line delivery

Just happy to be a part of things

Wishes his daughter would talk to him

Comes through in a pinch

Got lost on his way to The Last of Us

Father figure

Not dead out of sheer dumb luck

8/10

-

Rebecca Chambers

Baby butch

Sees the best in everyone

Autism be damned, my girl can work a shotgun

Sporty

Mommy Domme/Babygirl switch vibes

Sweet coffee addict

Doing fine, thanks for asking

Awkward thumbs up

9/10

-

Billy Coen

Bad Boy™️

Never bothered to take off his handcuffs

Tattoos

Mullet???

Moral standards

Strong silent type

Whole situation could’ve been avoided by just talking about his issues but no

Queen fan

7/10

-

Leon S. Kennedy

If a golden retriever became a human and then got kicked every day of its life

Having a really bad first day

Into dominant women

Dumb 90s haircut

Uses comedy as a coping mechanism

Hair grows in direct correlation to his level of angst

“Hey demons, it’s me, ya boi”

Sexy

Dog lover

Certified Good Boy™️

Fucked up a perfectly good rookie is what you did. Look at it, it’s got depression

15/10

-

Claire Redfield

College student stuck in the zombie apocalypse

Soft butch

Humanitarian

Forced her brother to teach her how to knife fight

Really into motorcycles

Leather jacket

Rocket Launcher babe #2

Always has at least one adopted child with her

10/10 would ask to babysit

-

Ada Wong

Mommy. Sorry. Mommy- sorry. Mommy-

Grappling hook

Badass spy

Emotionally distant

Soft spot for cute cuddly things (Leon)

Femme fatale

Book lover

Chaotic neutral

Crossbow 😍

Could step on me and I’d say thank you

Rocket launcher babe #3

10/10

-

Sherry Birkin

Goosebumps protagonist

Worst parents ever tbh

Surprisingly good under pressure

Please someone get this girl some therapy

Supergirl

Smartest person here

One hell of a shot

The trauma is immeasurable

Somehow still doing fine

Loves her weird adopted family

8/10

-

Carlos Oliviera

Himbo

First POC main?

Went from three polygons and a white boy haircut in the original to actual gorgeous South American hunk in the remake

Lost his accent along the way for some reason

#1 Jill simp

If Dug from Up was a guy

Only trustworthy person in the whole series

Just wants to help

Gorgeous gorgeous hair

Loves strong women

Hakuna matata

Touch-starved

10/10 would peg

-

Steve Burnside

Twink

Who is this sassy lost child?

Hot Topic employee

Into Claire (she’s too old for you bud)

Choker

Thinks he’s edgy

Whiny

Daddy issues

1/10

-

Luis Serra Navaro

If Puss in Boots was a human

The Most Extra™️

Luscious flowing locks

Definitely into bondage

Used to work for Umbrella

Trying to make up for it

Don Quixote references

Bisexual

Good with his hands

Praying for a threesome with Leon and Ada

10/10

-

Ashley Graham

Basic white girl

Always getting kidnapped

Master of Unlocking #2

Razor flip phone

Ada Wong bisexual awakening (same)

Good with a wrecking ball

Makes Leon catch her every time she has to jump a ledge (also same)

Would like to go to Hot Topic, please

7/10

-

Sheva Alomar

Player 2

Second POC main

Bad AI

Too good for her game

Willing to go on a suicide mission with a guy she just met

Left handed

Deserves a better stylist

Only good part of RE5

Literally my girl got done so dirty just give her another chance please

10/5

-

Moira Burton

“It’s not a phase, dad!”

Probably gay

Weak arms

Skillz

Box dyed her hair at least once

Simple Plan playing in the background

Childhood trauma

7/10

-

Piers Nivans

Trying his best

Appreciates a good steak

Sick of Chris’ bullshit

Good with a rifle

Just a good man

German Shepherd boy

Self-sacrificing

8/10

-

Jake Muller

Wesker’s son

Daddy issues

Who invited Ronan Lynch here?

Quips for days

Bad boy

Loves the type of woman who can kick his ass

The Most Edgy™️

9/10

-

Ethan Winters

Husband of the year

Trusting

Surprisingly chill

The most basic white man in all of RE

Hands? What hands?

Functionally a lizard

Would still love you if you were a worm

Just casually knows how to craft bullets

Moldy

8/10

-

Mia Winters

Toxic girlfriend energy

Literally possessed

Dark sense of humor

Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss

Casually working for a bioterrorism organization

Does actually care about her family

Definitely doesn’t have a penicillin allergy

If you can’t be the girl of his dreams, you can at least be the feral swamp witch of his nightmares

2/10

-

Zoe Baker

Lesbian

Mold intolerance

Southern accent thicker than grandma’s gravy

Picked last on the playground

Somehow okay despite her brother being Like That

Joe’s favorite

Science skills

8/10

-

Lucas Baker

Jigsaw

Didn’t even need the mold

Probably got at least one true crime documentary made about him

Working for Mia’s bioterrorism organization

Left his classmate rotting in the attic

Just the worst

0/10

-

Alcina Dimetrescu

Mommy

Please step on me

Elizabeth Bathory vibes

Just fucking huge

Can turn into a dragon

Lesbian

9/10

-

Karl Heisenberg

Grimy

Tumblr Sexyman

When robotics majors get weird

Fights with his siblings

Doesn’t actually care at all about Miranda

In cahoots with the lycans

7/10

-

Rosemary Winters

Mommy and Daddy issues

YA protagonist

Badass

Childhood trauma

Into the Mold-verse

Alternate universe Sherry Birkin

8/10

[autumnrose11]

Just noticed this parallel in The Tenant of Wildfell Hall.

From Helen's POV:

"Who told you so, my dear? What was that story about his intrigue with a married lady - Lady who was it - Miss Wilmot herself was telling you the other day?"

"It was false - false!" I cried. "I don't believe a word of it."

"You think, then, that he is a virtuous, well-conducted young man?"

"I know nothing positive respecting his character. I only know that I have heard nothing definitive against it - nothing that could be proved, at least; and till people can prove their slanderous accusations, I will not believe them." (Ch. 17)

From Gilbert's POV:

"Did I not know Mrs Graham? Had I not seen her, conversed with her time after time? Was I not certain that she, in intellect, in purity and elevation of soul, was immeasurably superior to any of her detractors; that she was, in fact, the noblest, the most adorable, of her sex I had ever beheld, or even imagined to exist? Yes, and I would say with Mary Millward (sensible girl as she was) that if all the parish, ay, or all the world should din these horrible lies in my ears, I would not believe them; for I knew her better than they." (Ch.9).

I thought this was a very interesting parallel. When they fall deeply in love for the first time, Gilbert and Helen both defend their respective beloveds in almost identical ways. They’re both angered when the slightest aspersions are cast on the characters of those they love. Both stuff their fingers in their ears, rise to their defence, refuse to believe anyone who speaks ill of them. And this blind faith leads to two drastically different outcomes. For Gilbert, his faith in her is a vindication. For Helen, it results in six years of abuse and suffering.

Which makes me wonder... what point was Anne Brontë trying to make?

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading roundup: April 2024

oh my god you guys I've read SO MUCH this month!!! I got BIG into reread N.K. Jemisin's tremendous Broken Earth trilogy and it's been jaw-dropping, and I have been reading a HEAP of comics and manga a

on the extremely off chance there's anyone following me who doesn't think comics, manga, graphic novels, etc don't count as "real reading" lmao lol get out of here??? you're on the Reading 1000s of Pages of Old Batman Comics blog. go feel the whimsy of reading a whole graphic novel in one afternoon and maybe you'll calm down.

ANYWAY!!! what have we been reading?

Earthdivers Vol. 1: Kill Columbus (Stephen Graham Jones, Davide Gianfelice, Joana Lafuente, 2023) - Stephen Graham Jones is one of my all-time favorite authors, and I was super excited to check out his first comic series. Earthdivers takes place in the wasteland of the 22nd century, where four Native survivors have hatched a plan to try to stop the disasters that are killing the world: use a time-travelling cave to send one of their number back in time to kill Columbus before he can launch the colonization of North America. it's a one-way trip, and the time traveler will have to be ruthless to achieve their goal. beyond the attention-grabbing hook of killing Columbus, this story dives (you see what I did there) deep into an exploration of what it means to sacrifice everything for a cause and find the will to be ruthless in pursuit of the greater good. I'm not 100% sure I tracked all of the twisting threads of time travel in this first volume, but the hook is compelling and Gianfelice's art is beautiful, so I'm really looking forward to seeing the series progress!

Spoiler Alert (Olivia Dade, 2020) - at this point I've written 8000+ words about this book on my patreon and it's becoming difficult to figure out what else to say or how to say it briefly. this book ties itself up in knots with its contrivances and makes both of its protagonists look dumb in the process. I don't like either of these people but - spoiler alert! - I still think April can and should do better. Olivia Dade please call me I just want to talk.

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 1-3 (Ryoko Kui, trans. Yen Press, 2017) - I don't need to explain Dungeon Meshi. surely you've seen the gifs of Dungeon Meshi. all that matters is that I fucking love Dungeon Meshi, this shit rules and it's going to be so hard to hold off on reading Volume 4 while I try to prioritize some other books first. this world is great, the characters are a delight and a joy, and the way that Kui is so fascinated by the food and biology and exploration of adventurer fantasy tropes in her world makes my brain go wheeeeeeeeee!!! I'm having so much fun.

The Fifth Season (N.K. Jemisin, 2015) - historically I've very seldom reread books, but I'm starting to think that I need to change my stance on that. revisiting the Fifth Season years after I first read it, with the time to really enjoy it and also the maturity and perspective to actually appreciate what Jemisin is cooking, has enhanced the experience immeasurably. a thing that really struck me this time was how artfully Jemisin depicts the way orogenes are conditioned and groomed from the jump to be subservient and scared and willing to settle for life at the margins of society; it's not something that I could totally understand the nuances of when I read this book fresh out of my first year of college. this novel and its sequels are so brilliantly devastating, I cannot say enough great things about them.

My Pancreas Broke, But My Life Got Better (Nagata Kabi, trans. Jocelyne Allen 2022) - I did it, I'm officially caught up on all of Nagata's works that have been translated into English! and man, I'm still worried about her. the experience of reading My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness hasn't quite been replicated for me; I think that was a once in a lifetime event, although I've certainly found a lot that I relate to in Nagata's subsequent struggles to sort of out anxiety, independence, art, and figuring out what kind of relationships she event wants to have in her life. at this point I feel like I'm just reading the illustrated life updates from a friend I haven't seen in a long time who stresses me out because her life is a mess. which is still interesting! but god I hope something good happens to this woman soon.

The Obelisk Gate (N.K. Jemisin, 2016) - The Fifth Season is a book about the end of the world and of one woman's personal apocalypses that happened prior to that. its sequel, the Obelisk Gate, is a book that's extremely preoccupied with the tedium of figuring out how to run a halfway-functioning society in the midst of the apocalypse, which is genuinely fascinating stuff. and it's also a book about the fear and desperation and sheer levels of exhaustion that might drive someone to decide that, fuck it, maybe the world should end and we should be done with all of this, actually. it's also a book about devotion and dependence and destruction and devouring people you love in a VERY literal way, which it must be said is pretty sexy. the stuff that pops off between Essun and Hoa in this book makes me think of Octavia Butler in the best way; I think she would have adored them. I'm so excited to get to the final book and see how this all pays off, because the first time I read it I barely understood a single goddamn thing that was happening.

I Hate This Place Vol. 1-2 (Kyle Starks, Artyom Toplin, Lee Loughridge, 2022-2023) - a short and spooky comic series that wraps up in two tight little volumes. I have some gripes with the pacing, but it makes for a fun afternoon read. a mid-tier streaming service is going to adapt this into a live action series within a couple of years, mark my worms. personally I'm fancasting Mackenzie Davis as Gabby and Samira Wiley as Trudy.

[walkswithmyfather]

“If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there…” —Psalm 139:8

“What Is God Like?” by Billy Graham:

“I believe it is possible to know what God is like. The Bible declares that God is Spirit, that He is not limited to body; He is not limited to shape; He is not limited to force; He is not limited to boundaries or bonds; He is absolutely immeasurable. Thousands of people are trying to limit God to certain spheres, and relegate Him to certain categories that are the product of their own speculation. There is no limit to God. There is no limit to His wisdom. There is no limit to His power. There is no limit to His love. There is no limit to His mercy. Men change, fashions change, conditions and circumstances change, but God never changes.

Prayer for the day: I limit You so many times, Lord. Forgive my finite mind and fill me with Your wisdom, power, and mercy, so that I can touch those You love this day.”

[sapphireginger]

Steter Week 2023

Day #3: Your Enemies Are My Enemies

Summary:

Stiles squeezed his mate’s hand to soothe the angered alpha and watched Scott puff out his chest in a pitiful attempt to be intimidating. “No.”

“NO?!” Scott growled. “What do you mean no? This isn’t negotiable. You're my pack!”

“Am I?” Stiles asked calmly.

Scott hesitated and nodded firmly. “Yes.”

Stiles shrugged one shoulder. “I love Peter and he loves me. I’m not leaving with you, and you can’t make me.”

“Wanna bet?!” Scott snarled.

Peter’s control was rock solid, airtight, never faltering. His presence alone was enough to drive fear into the hearts of most. It was always a turn on to see the alpha put people in their places.

@steterweek

Stiles was pissed. Here he was bleeding, and in immeasurable pain after saving the asses of his pack once again but did he get any thanks? Nope! He was recovering in the hospital and only three people had come to see him and not one of them was his alpha. That was the nail in the coffin for Stiles. He was done. He was so done with constantly putting his life on the line for people who couldn’t care less so long as they lived even if it meant Stiles was racking up hospital bills like crazy.

That was why as soon as he had been released from the hospital, Stiles vanished into the night. He took only the bare minimum with him. There was some grim humor in the fact that the night he left was the two year anniversary of his father’s death. He made sure to stop by the cemetery to say goodbye to his parents one last time. They wouldn’t want this life for him, and he knew he had to think of himself first now which he wasn’t good at, but Stiles was determined to change that. It hurt to think of his dad even two years later. Noah Graham Elias Stilinski was another casualty, another unnecessary death as a result of the pack’s ineptitude. Stiles had been too late to save his dad and carried the guilt with him every day.

As he stood and brushed off the dirt, Stiles made a promise to his parents that he would never let himself be taken for granted again. Once, when he was younger, Stiles had fallen for his best friend, had fallen for Scott but as time passed and his friend only sought out others, Stiles realized it was forever unrequited. He had only attempted to reveal his feelings once and Scott played it off as a sick joke. Stiles never tried again. Now, when he thought about it, Stiles was relieved as the person Scott now was, was not someone Stiles wanted to be with.

A werewolf wasn’t a turn off for Stiles but being a fucking asshole, whose head was always buried in pussy was. They’d had too many close calls because Scott was thinking with the wrong head. Some alpha he was, true or not.

Stiles shook away the dark thoughts and departed from the cemetery. He couldn't take his jeep with him, knowing it would be a dead giveaway. So, he used a little of his savings to get something he had always wanted. As he mounted his Ducati Corse, a sleek black model and his pride and joy, Stiles felt like he was finally taking control of his life.

The deep purr it let out when he started it, felt like power bleeding into Stiles’s veins. He revved the engine and then took off, blending perfectly with the inky shadows surrounding Beacon Hills. Only when the rearview mirrors showed the town sign did Stiles feel the weight on his chest release. There was still a long road ahead, but he was ready.

✶ 🩸 𖤓 🩸 ✶

Two Years Later:

Anchor of Selene Bookstore was a huge success with the people in the small town of Oelwein, Iowa. It was nearly two thousand miles from his former home and so small that everyone knew everyone. At his shop, Stiles finally was able to put his spark into play. Deaton had hated Stiles with a passion and with the druid whispering in his ear, Scott had refused to name Stiles his emissary even going so far as to restrict his use of magic. Granted, Stiles never truly stopped using it, just avoided doing so where the alpha could see. Plus, Stiles wasn’t a wolf and despite being the alpha’s beta he couldn’t be controlled like they could. He just let Scott believe he was as it was either that or the alpha would’ve assigned Deaton to supervise Stiles constantly which absolutely not.

Anyway, here in this small town, Stiles was thriving and most importantly, well Stiles had found someone or rather they had found him. There was a small werewolf pack in town and of course Stiles abided by proper protocol and formality. It was important that the spark declared himself to the alpha of the territory. The Hale pack was well known to those in the supernatural community and yet Stiles wasn’t afraid despite their reputation.

It seemed the alpha in particular found him amusing and his spirited demeanor pleasing. So, Stiles was often invited back to see the alpha. What started as a bit of barbed foreplay soon became a genuine respect and level of trust. It may have taken them nine months to reach such a place but that then led to where they are now, Stiles being courted for nearly three months. Speaking of—

“Hello, sparkling,” said the alpha as the door to the store chimed upon opening.

Stiles smiled. “Hello, alpha mine.”

The Hale Alpha, Peter Xavier Ignatius Hale, was a force to be reckoned with and no one got away with giving him anything less than the utmost respect. He was feared but a healthy amount of fear and no one went toe to toe with him, at least not until Stiles arrived and then people, especially the various pack members, loved watching their verbal sparring matches.

They had met more informally when Stiles opened his magic shop disguised as a bookstore. It had been a rough day for the spark. He had changed his number and had only given it to three people, Jackson Whittemore, Isaac Lahey and Allison Argent. Jackson was living in London while Allison and Isaac were living in France. It turned out they too could no longer remain in Beacon Hills and had in fact left barely a month after Stiles’s own departure.

It was sad that only three people chose to remain in contact with him. Everyone else had disowned him but really Stiles couldn’t care less. He was happy now, was being courted by the alpha and wasn’t being forced to hide who and what he was.

What Stiles didn’t know about Peter was that he was more than just an alpha. It was only upon their fifth date, during month five of courting that Stiles learned what else his possible mate was. Peter Hale was apparently a world renowned lawyer and businessman.

Of course, Stiles kept this information to himself, not wishing to reveal it to anyone, not even his friends but somehow, the one person Stiles never wanted to learn of his whereabouts, had found out. Scott McCall had been livid when his spark, and Stiles was his, had vanished. He had searched, forced his betas to search and even found a way to use his father’s contacts in the FBI. It was all for naught though as the spark had found a way to evade him.

Stiles had hoped that he would never see the alpha again and for almost a year during which he and Peter grew closer, that hope held fast. However, fate or something out there didn’t deign to give Stiles more than a single year with his soon to be mate before Scott tracked him down and brought his pack to confront Stiles.

Thankfully the wards sent Stiles a warning and he was able to alert his alpha. Peter joined him at the store and the two took up residence on the couch in the alcove facing the door. Not even an hour later, the McCall Pack shoved their way into the store, making Stiles’s magic hiss and his fingers vibrate with the need to protect. Only Peter’s fingers lacing with his own, halted his actions.

Scott McCall hadn’t changed much in the past nearly three years, but Stiles sure had. He had bulked up now that he could run whenever he wanted. He sported a lip piercing, a tongue piercing and more tattoos than a person could count and not all of them visible when he was wearing clothes.

He felt the alpha’s thumb rub soothing circles on the back of his hand and allowed himself to settle further into the wolf’s embrace. He was safe. He was home. Stiles wasn’t going anywhere.

Of course, the fool had never learned proper decorum. He had never listened to what the correct protocols and pertinent formalities were. No, he simply started in on reprimanding Stiles. Peter wasn’t impressed in the least but put on a sharp smile. “Alpha McCall. Well met. What brings you to my territory?”

Scott froze seemingly shocked that he was being interrupted. His jaw clenched as he flashed his eyes, another baby alpha mistake. Peter showed no outward reaction to the pup’s aggression.

Stiles smirked and flicked his tongue out to play with the metal loop in his lip. The McCall Alpha seemed to be expecting Stiles’s interjection, but the spark had no intention of coming to his aid ever again. It was humorous though to watch the realization filter in. Scott had never been able to hide his emotions or reactions from Stiles.

The entire thing set the foreign alpha on edge. He went for the kill, knowing only that Stiles was his and he wouldn’t leave without him. “Do you really think he wants you, Stiles? You’re of no use to him except for your magic. You can’t bear a child. That’s why I never took you seriously. You realize that as an alpha I’m expected to reproduce? Lydia can give me that, but you can’t. Also, we both know he’s paying for everything. You can see that right. He’s just a sugar daddy. He doesn’t love you, Stiles. He just wants your spark. He’ll pay for everything so long as you do what he wants with your magic.”

Stiles had moved on long ago from the feelings he had once harbored for the alpha but his words hurt nonetheless. Knowing that he wasn’t wanted because he couldn't bear children was painful to hear. If only Scott knew—Even more painful was the knowledge that the girl he thought he loved, though he never truly did, was now going to bear children for his ex-best friend, his ex-alpha. This was turning out to be a fucking terrible day.

Despite the hurt he felt, Stiles showed no outward emotion other than to glare at his former alpha from where remained curled up on the couch with Peter. “My relationship with Mr. Hale is of no concern to you. I haven’t seen you or spoken to you in nearly three years.”

Apparently, Scott now suffered from even more delusions if his next words were anything to go by. “You are my emissary and therefore you have to obey me! You did not have permission to leave the pack. You did not have permission to leave Beacon Hills and when we get back home, I’ll deal with you.”

Peter let out a growl at the audacity of Scott to think he would be leaving and taking Stiles with him.

Stiles squeezed his mate’s hand to soothe the angered alpha and watched Scott puff out his chest in a pitiful attempt to be intimidating. “No.”

“NO?!” Scott growled. “What do you mean no? This isn’t negotiable. You're my pack!”

“Am I?” Stiles asked calmly.

Scott hesitated and nodded firmly. “Yes.”

Stiles shrugged one shoulder. “I love Peter and he loves me. I’m not leaving with you, and you can’t make me.”

“Wanna bet?!” Scott snarled.

Peter’s control was rock solid, airtight, never faltering. His presence alone was enough to drive fear into the hearts of most. It was always a turn on to see the alpha put people in their places.

It seemed that Scott for all his stubbornness hadn’t forgotten that of the two of them Stiles was the one who wouldn’t be moved if he had made up his mind. “Fine!!” Scott ground out. “If he loves you so much then he has to prove it. He cannot give you any money for one month. We will stay in a hotel nearby and if he can prove that he loves you, I will give him permission to court you, but I will ultimately decide. Don’t push me, Stiles!”

Stiles looked at Peter who had a gleam in his eye before looking back at Scott with a deceptively sweet smile. “Okay, Scotty boy.”

✶ 🩸 𖤓 🩸 ✶

Scott left after warning the two that he would be watching. After the door to the shop closed, Stiles pressed his lips to the alpha’s and moaned softly. When they parted, they both sported smirks. Little did Scott know; Stiles had never been his emissary. Alan Deaton saw to that. Not to mention that less than four months ago, Stiles had been given the honor of the position as the Hale Pack Emissary. How else would he have gotten permission to ward the territory, though he had originally offered it as a gift of court to the alpha when the alpha offered to pay for it. That was a hard fought compromise for them.

All that being said, Stiles was taken and Peter? Well, Peter was the Alpha. Peter was his Alpha.

“I wish I could say I’m surprised but honestly I’m not.” Stiles sighed and rolled his eyes, nosing at the wolf’s head when said alpha nipped at his throat. “I’m sorry for Alpha Mc-Asshole.”

Peter pulled back and cupped his mate’s face with one hand while still lacing the fingers of the other together. “You have nothing to apologize for. He is not your alpha, and you owe him nothing.”

“He’ll try to take me away,” Stiles said.

The alpha snarled and pulled his mate close, his free hand coming to rest on Stiles’s stomach. The action, both possessive and protective, made Stiles’s heart flutter. Peter wouldn’t let anything happen to him. After all, Stiles’s enemies, and that’s exactly what Stiles viewed Scott as now, were Peter’s enemies. The spark knew without a doubt that if Scott showed his face again or came near Stiles again, Peter would unleash the full wrath of an alpha when his mate was threatened, especially when said mate was carrying the alpha heir.

“I love you, alpha mine.”

“And I you, sweet sparkling.” Peter kissed his mate, cradling the barely there swell of his mate’s stomach. “You and our pup.”

This was what Stiles had wanted when he left Beacon Hills. Though he hadn’t expected Peter Hale, the spark had found what his parents always wanted for him: a home, a partner, safety, a child, a family and happiness.

[109moons]

I’m having a hard time sleeping. I think I have a bit of PTSD from what I went through leading up to my surgery. The isolation and gaslighting from my Mom. The utter betrayal and agony from James. My privacy completely stolen from me. And then most jarringly, the month and a half in the hospital.

I shared so many positive things while I was in there - I was told how I was a warrior and my attitude was incredible, how I was an inspiration - I didn’t share the staring longingly out the window staring at the bay wishing I could just jump in it and go in peace. I was so tired of being poked — of being bled dry physically and metaphorically — of catheters in my lung every other day and hard boards for X-rays behind my back. The boards hurt more than checking his blog to see the incessant rambling of how much he loved me and then how much he fucking hated me. The carousel of obsession and addiction. The mind games and complete void of care or consideration of my existence stuck in a literal deathbed.

The nurses that I actually loved, that squeezed my shoulders standing behind me and laughed at the photos I snuck of the hot medical student that did my Pap smear. Adriana who brought me a cup of chocolate and vanilla ice cream, and Graham crackers. Adriana who had security remove my mom. That woman is one of my hero’s. Chris — the gentle giant of a phlebotomist who would lightly touch my hand while he drew my blood and always got me on the first try. When he found me in the transplant ward, we both cried. He thought I had died, but saw my name in passing and came running to my room. I told him how I felt like he was meant to come into my life, how I had learned about life’s glimmers and he was one of them, and I meant it. Bridgette, who had been drawing blood for 30 years and hugged me when she first met me. She took 22 vials of blood in one sitting, and I still looked forward to my blood draws every day to see her. Floor five was the best floor. Those weeks before I was briefly discharged waiting for a liver. I was the sickest I had been, but I was happy. I felt like I could die happy there.

I cannot describe the immeasurable pain. The dips in sodium and following psychosis. The digging for my arterial vein while I whimpered and my niece held my hair as I tried to stay still while I sobbed. The itching — spots of blood erupting through my thin skin. The muscle wasting. Feeling the weight fall off of you. The pulmonary function tests — after weeks of being on oxygen, having to physically push the nitrogen out of your lungs repeatedly to prove that you would survive a major surgery like a liver transplant. The collapsed veins and IV infiltrations. The thick needles through the same spot in my ribs and the suction of fluid draining from my lung. I could hear it. I could see it. The radiation — it’s been a month and my skin still is peeling. The back pain when my kidneys failed and straining to produce urine every day because the doctor needs it for testing. The fatigue. God, the fatigue. Getting out of bed was a marathon.

I’m still that tired, but I don’t tell anyone.

[hannigramficrecs]

Season 3 AU

The Fall by DrJLecter [words: 1,503]

What happened after Will decided to be an idiot? This is my take on it.

Never Quite Free by coloredink [words: 1,998]

Sometimes, the hard part is when everything's over. After Hannibal's imprisonment, Will Graham walks through his memory palace, closing doors.

Sea Change by xzombiexkittenx [words: 4,375]

Will Graham is in love with Hannibal. He is also straight. This is the story of Will coming to terms with the fact that he’s in a relationship with a man. It’s less difficult than he thought it would be.

Götterdämmerung by Chifuyu [words: 20,925]

Will Graham had not expected to survive the fall. Neither had he expected to find himself on a plane to Italy, with Hannibal Lecter sleeping peacefully by his side. Looking at the man now, with his silver-blond hair fanned across his face, Will wasn’t sure if he could rise to this new challenge of not only surviving but living with Hannibal Lecter.

Cheap Motel by Lunarwench [words: 15,132]

Hannibal’s expression remained placid, a faint smile tilting up those lips, and he sighed again, one of his hands coming up to curve the warmth of his palm along Will’s cheek, over the still-bright scar from Dolarhyde’s knife. “My darling boy.” Was all he said, sweet and immeasurably fond.

It’s Only A Bargain If You Want It by lovetincture [words: 3,208]

Needing someone isn’t the same as loving them, and loving someone isn’t the same as liking them. Will and Hannibal love each other with a dozen small cruelties, stumbling their way toward something approaching peace.

Deliverance by savethealiens [words: 9,843]

Hannibal and Will take their first tentative steps through the door to exploring the physical side of their relationship. Well, Hannibal does. Will practically kicks the door down.

Into the Wild by sidnihoudini [words: 57,581]

He feels fiercely protective of Hannibal for a moment, and wonders how childish the universe must have been to think they could be separated by death so easily. 

A Crown of Broken Bone by gleamingandwholeanddeadly [words: 6,572]

Will is coming to terms with the fact that he’s fallen for the devil.

Scars by ametis [words: 35,262]

Will has a secret: the scar on his stomach arouses him. Hannibal finds out.

Drowning In Need by chronicopheliac [words: 1,230]

Hannibal feels resentful of how attached he’s become to Will. They work it out.

Vorspiel by KareliaSweet [words: 5,015]

After the fall, Will tries to deal with the repercussions of living. Hannibal helps him by a being a fluffy lovesick cannibal.

TKO by sidnihoudini [words: 16,906]

Molly deals with the aftermath.

My Husband by VictoriaAGrey [words: 3,563]

In which Hannibal is a little too smitten and Will figures out Hannibal is That Guy

The God of My Idolatry by KareliaSweet [words: 1,002]

Hannibal enjoys overindulging Will. Will enjoys being indulged. A small exploration of the post-fall dynamic.

Uncovered by halotolerant [words: 2,374]

Given the number of degrees, diplomas and doctoral qualifications between the two of them, Will reckons it took a worrying amount of time for them to make the connection between intimate living and, well, sexual intimacy.

Leave Your Message After The Tone by OneWhoSitsWithTurtles [words: 7,775] 

Imagine Will calling Hannibal’s cell phone after he’s incarcerated just to hear Hannibal’s voice on his voicemail. Imagine Will leaving Hannibal voicemails about how he wishes things had turned out differently. Imagine Will spilling his heart out to Hannibal’s voicemail, assuming that the man himself will never hear them. Imagine Hannibal listening to these messages.

Stages of Pursuit by Firuflies [words: 3,498]

If Will kisses Hannibal when he's drunk, he has plausible deniability, right? Even when it happens more than once?

Keeping by More_night [words: 2,709[

Will finds Abigail's room when they arrive at Hannibal's house by the cliff.

Testify by lovetincture [words: 1,278]

Will testifies at Hannibal's trial.

Shut the Fuck Up by chronicopheliac [words: 1,031]

Will asking Hannibal if a blowjob would shut him up

Letters to God by CarnivalMirai [words: 4,698] 

Will writes letters to Hannibal every day after his incarceration. But they never make it.

Blankets, Coffee Cups, and Christmas Morning by sourweather [words: 6,352] 

Hannibal wants to enjoy the domesticity. The love, the closeness, the being Known. But something about his life with Will makes him want to lash out.

All These Fictionary Tales by ProxyOne [words: 18,492] 

After the fall, Hannibal is presumed dead. Will has been declared dead. But Will isn't willing to believe that Hannibal would just abandon him like that

Seduction by BloodunderMoonlight [words: 7,086] 

“For fuck’s sake, Hannibal.” Will glared at him, brimming with wrath he had only seen behind Will’s gun. He had no doubt Will would draw out a knife from beneath the duvet or pillows, but clearly words were enough to make him gobsmacked—“Are you a fucking virgin or monk? If all these can’t get you to bed then I don’t know what can.” Hannibal stood gaping at Will.

Blood, Cedar and Dog Hair by sourweather [words: 3,351] 

Something terrible happens while Hannibal is in prison

Shime-Waza by HigherMagic [words: 5,032] 

It's approaching New Year's Eve now. They don't have any neighbors, let alone friends. It's another holiday Will is more than happy spending alone, but he can feel Hannibal's antsy mindset.

Mon Lapin, Mon Loulou by CarnivalMirai [words: 5,306] 

Will has another long day at work and today, Hannibal particularly longs for his company. Normally, he can keep his murderous tendencies in check, because it's something they enjoy together. But today... today, Hannibal cannot help himself.

Where Death and Sex Kiss Like Palms in Prayer by DefierOfCynicalNarratives [words: 10,360] 

Will loved this game. It filled him with the same deep, nourishing pleasure and pride he felt when he cast the perfect line whilst fishing, or successfully put an engine back together – the simple contentment of proficiency. Will had spent his life gleaning these small moments and using them as talismans, hot coals to keep the bone-deep chill of loneliness and the dark abyss of his psyche at bay.

Voluntary Confinement by crystalusagi [words: 13,009]

Hannibal turns himself in after the events at Muskrat Farm, but Will changes his mind at the last minute.

blood and seawater by kirkspocks [words: 2,344]

Post-S3 finale, where Hannibal and Will head to Bedelia's house after they pull themselves out of the ocean.

[luthienne]

Hi dear, do you have any good words on emotional courage?

hi my love, you can check out this post and this post; here are a few more:

“I know a lot about pain… and I know it is bad for people, eats away the spirit, but how about courage, what is it for if not to use when needed?”

Martha Gellhorn, Selected Letters 

“This is in the end the only kind of courage that is required of us: the courage to face the strangest, most unusual, most inexplicable experiences that can meet us.”

Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet 

“You don’t realize it, perhaps, but you are turning these delusions and illusions of the past into criminal things. Relinquish everything. Stay in bed until you feel so shock full of energy, hope, courage that you bounce out of abed. You can only aid the world–if you still believe the world needs our individual aid–by retaining your faith in life. Your body may be weak, but I know you still have wings.”

Henry Miller, A Literate Passion: Letters of Anaïs Nin and Henry Miller

“I… want to inherit the witch in my women ancestors—the willfulness, the passion, ay, the passion where all good art comes from as women, the perseverance, the survivor skills, the courage, the strength of las mujeres bravas, peleoneras, necias, berrrinchudas. I want to be una brava, una peleonera, necia, nerrinchuda. I want to be bad if bad means I must go against society—el Papá, el Pápa, the boyfriend, lover, husband, girlfriend, comadres—and listen to my own heart, that incredible witch’s broom that will take me where I need to go.”

Sandra Cisneros, A House of My Own

“I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It’s when you know you’re licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.”

Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

“Many people seem to think it foolish, even superstitious, to believe that the world could still change for the better. And it is true that in winter it is sometimes so bitingly cold that one is tempted to say, ‘What do I care if there is a summer; its warmth is no help to me now.’ Yes, evil often seems to surpass good. But then, in spite of us, and without our permission, there comes at last an end to the bitter frosts. One morning the wind turns, and there is a thaw. And so I must still have hope.”

Vincent van Gogh, The Letters of Vincent van Gogh

“In the winter I am writing about, there was much darkness. Darkness of nature, darkness of event, darkness of the spirit. The sprawling darkness of not knowing. We speak of the light of reason. I would speak here of the darkness of the world, and the light of———. But I don’t know what to call it. Maybe hope. Maybe faith, but not a shaped faith—only, say, a gesture, or a continuum of gestures. But probably it is closer to hope, that is more active, and far messier than faith must be. Faith, as I imagine it, is tensile, and cool, and has no need of words. Hope, I know is a fighter and a screamer.”

Mary Oliver, Winter Hours: Prose, Poems, and Prose Poems

“There is always some miracle left; and though miracles do not happen, they might happen. Who knows? Perhaps our intelligence, our instinct, our senses, in spite of their daylight clearness, are leading us astray. Perhaps the one thing needful is just that unreasoning courage which follows hope’s will-o’-the-wisp as it burns…”

Jens Peter Jacobsen, Niels Lyhne

“But if the deepest loss, […] / can be, not just survived, but made into the matter / of hope, made into song, not into a hatchet / to cut off the offending parts, made into poems / then blessed be the end of things, the loss of whatever / secures us blindly and mutely to our lives.”

Julia Alvarez, The Other Side/El Otro Lado

“I run / stumbling, expectant. / Impatience is hopelessly / desperate. Hope / takes time.”

Marie Ponsot, Springing: New and Selected Poems

“How lightly we learn to hold hope, / as if it were an animal that could turn around / and bite your hand. And still we carry it / the way a mother would, carefully, / from one day to the next.”

Danusha Laméris, The Moons of August

“Do not get lost in a sea of despair. Be hopeful, be optimistic. Our struggle is not the struggle of a day, a week, a month, or a year, it is the struggle of a lifetime. Never, ever be afraid to make some noise and get in good trouble, necessary trouble.”

Representative John Lewis

“Where does such a force come from? What does it mean? A voice very faint, and inside me, offers a possibility: how shall there be redemption and resurrection unless there has been a great sorrow? And isn’t struggle and rising the real work of our lives?”

Mary Oliver, Winter Hours: Prose, Poems, and Prose Poems

“Don’t forget that apparent impossibility of something is the first sign of its naturalness—in a different world, obviously.

Marina Tsvetaeva, from a letter to Anatoly Steiger

“Grieve. Have / hope.”

Jorie Graham, Swarm

John Berryman, “The Heart is Strange”

“Skin had hope, that what’s skin does. / Heals over the scarred place, makes a road.”

Naomi Shihab Nye, “Two Countries”

“I am quite troubled in the depths of my soul. But that will pass,”

George Sand, in a letter to Gustave Flaubert

“Let’s dance a little before we go home to hell.”

Muriel Rukeyser, A Muriel Rukeyser Reader

Hélène Cixous, Hyperdream (tr. Beverly Bie Brahic)

“That most moments were substantially the same did not detract at all from the possibility that the next moment might be utterly different.”

Marilynne Robinson, Housekeeping

Ada Limón, “Dead Stars”

“Listen, everyone has a chance. Is it spring, is it morning? Are there trees near you, and does your own soul need comforting? Quick, then — open the door and fly on your heavy feet…”

Mary Oliver, New and Selected Poems

“Get to the bottom of this intensity and have faith in what is most horrible, instead of fighting it off—it reveals itself for those who can trust it, in spite of its overwhelming and dire appearance, as a kind of initiation. By way of loss, by way of such vast and immeasurable experiences of loss, we are quite powerfully introduced to the whole.”

Rainer Maria Rilke, from a letter to Countess Alexandrine Schwerin, June 16, 1922

“…only one thing is urgently needed: to attach oneself with unconditional purpose somewhere to nature, to what is strong, striving and bright, and to move forward without guile, even if that means in the least important, daily matters. Each time we tackle something with joy, each time we open our eyes toward a yet untouched distance we transform not only this and the next moment, but we also rearrange and gradually assimilate the past inside of us.”

Rainer Maria Rilke, from a letter to Adelheid von der Marwitz, September 11, 1919

“Continue to believe that with your feeling and with your work you take part in what is the greatest. The more strongly you cultivate this belief inside of you, the more it will give rise to reality and world.”

Rainer Maria Rilke, from a letter to Elisabeth Freiin Schenk zu Schweinsberg, September 23, 1908

“…I have known with certainty that the worst things, and even despair, are only a kind of abundance and an onslaught of existence that one decision of the heart could turn into its opposite. Where things become truly difficult and unbearable, we find ourselves in a place already very close to its transformation.”

Rainer Maria Rilke, from a letter to Anita Forrer, February 14, 1920

“…he says, it will be all right.

“It is not the saying of an oracle or a prophet. They are words you might speak to a child ... and somehow I am comforted. He does not mean that it does not hurt. He does not mean that we are not frightened. Only that: we are here. This is what it means to swim in the tide, to walk the earth and feel it touch your feet. This is what it means to be alive.”

Madeline Miller, Circe

“Right then she knows herself even less than she knows the sea. Her courage comes from not knowing herself, but going ahead nevertheless. Not knowing yourself is inevitable, and not knowing yourself demands courage.

Clarice Lispector, Complete Stories; “The Waters of the World”

“Recovery (which includes return and renewal of health) is a re-gaining—regaining of a clear view. I do not say “seeing things as they are” and involve myself with the philosophers, though I might venture to say “seeing things as we are (or were) meant to see them”—as things apart from ourselves. We need, in any case, to clean our windows; so that the things seen clearly may be freed from the drab blur of triteness or familiarity—from possessiveness. Of all faces those of our familiares are the ones both most difficult to play fantastic tricks with, and most difficult really to see with fresh attention, perceiving their likeness and unlikeness: that they are faces, and yet unique faces.”

J.R.R. Tolkien, from his essay On Fairy-Stories

Camille Norton, Corruption: Poems

“Keep busy with survival. Imitate the trees. Learn to lose in order to recover, and remember that nothing stays the same for long, not even pain, psychic pain. Sit it out. Let it all pass. Let it go.”

May Sarton, Journal of a Solitude

“I have the fervour of myself for a presence / and my own spirit for light; / and my spirit with its loss / knows this; though small against the black, / small against the formless rocks, / hell must break before I am lost;”

H.D. from Collected Poems; “Eurydice”

Denise Levertov, “Epilogue”

“The days go numb, the wind / sucks the world from your senses like withered leaves. // Through the empty branches the sky remains. / It is what you have. / Be earth now, and evensong. / Be the ground lying under that sky. / Be modest now, like a thing / ripened until it is real…”

Rainer Maria Rilke, from Rilke’s Book of Hours (tr. Anita Barrows, Joanna Macy)

“I know your sorrow and I know that for the likes of us there is not ease for the heart to be had from words of reason and that in the very assurance of sorrow’s fading there is more sorrow. So I offer you only my deeply affectionate and compassionate thoughts and wish for you only that the strange thing may never fail you, whatever it is, that gives us the strength to live on and on with our wounds.”

Samuel Beckett’s words of consolation to his friend, Alan Schneider

“What matters is not to allow my whole life to be dominated by what is going on inside me. That has to be kept subordinate one way or another. What I mean is: one must not let oneself be completely disabled by just one thing, however bad; don’t let it impede the great stream of life that flows through you. I have the feeling of something secret deep inside me that no one knows about.”

Etty Hillesum, from a diary entry featured in An Interrupted Life

“You have been told that, even like a chain, you are as weak as your weakest link. / This is but half the truth. You are also as strong as your strongest link. / To measure you by your smallest deed is to reckon the power of the ocean by the frailty of its foam. / To judge you by your failures is to cast blame upon the seasons for their inconstancy.”

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

“Try to keep what is beautiful to you and what you can use for today and now — You must not let things you cannot help destroy you —”

Georgia O’Keeffe, from Georgia O’Keeffe: Art and Letters

“What we love, shapely and pure, / is not to be held, / but to be believed in.”

Mary Oliver, from Evidence; “Swans”

“In time of the crises of the spirit, we are aware of all our need, our need for each other and our need for ourselves. We call up, with all the strength of summoning we have, our fullness. And then we turn; for it is a turning that we have prepared; and act. The time of turning may be very long. It may hardly exist.”

Muriel Rukeyser, from A Muriel Rukeyser Reader, “The Life of Poetry”

“To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction. And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.” 

Howard Zinn, A Power Governments Cannot Suppress

“But don’t lose heart, dear ones—don’t lose heart. Don’t let it make you bitter. Try to understand. Try to understand. The world’s already bitter enough, we got to try to be better than the world.”

James Baldwin, from Another Country

“You do not have to be good. / You do not have to walk on your knees / for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. / You only have to let the soft animal of your body / love what it loves. / Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. / Meanwhile, the world goes on.”

Mary Oliver, “Wild Geese”

[evermetnotforgotten]

Hii, I came to give you a lil compliment but it ended up longer than I planned oops hahah

Okay so you were probably the first whump blog I followed when I was still trying to understand tumblr, because that piece on the coffee shop I think, when Martin asks Lev what was it that really broke him, was the first whump piece with ocs I found, and it made me fall in love with your characters instantly and then I just had to read everything! so I scrolled down your lev tag (because I didn't know what a masterlist was lol), got kinda confused, found the masterlist and read almost everything in one sitting. And then I got to the third captivity arc and completely ignored its existence because I can't handle Lev and Graham not getting a happy ending, I'm too attached now :)

Now for the compliment: your writing makes me feel so much, so deeply, I still think of it months after reading it. Sometimes when I was feeling kinda down, I went to reread the recovery house stuff and it always made me disconnect from the world for a little bit and warmed up my heart enough to take a deep breath and face life again haha

Oh, and also, whenever I hear about denim jackets now I immediately think of Lev. For real.

Okay I think this is it for a compliment + why I follow you + my best try at a cute message but really just why your blog is one of my favorites <3

Ah... oh my goodness. Thank you, this is really really really nice.

I’m immeasurably glad my lil bits and bops on the internet could bring you emotions - I feel like that’s the best thing an artist can ever hope to achieve with their work. Whether a little bit of joy or a shared heartache... that’s really the reason, right? And the recovery house with the four boys will always have a special spot in my heart, avie being very dear to me.

God, okay, I’m speechless. Thank you. Truly.

[birdlord]

Everything I Watched in 2020

We’ll start with movies. The number in parentheses is the year of release, asterisks denote a re-watch, and titles in bold are my favourite watches of the year. Here’s 2019’s list. 

01 Little Women (19)

02 The Post (17) 

03 Molly’s Game (17)

04 * Doctor No (62)

05 Groundhog Day (93)

06 *Star Trek IV - The Voyage Home (86)

07 Knives Out (19) My last theatre experience (sob)

08 Professor Marston and his Wonder Women (17)

09 Les Miserables (98)

10 Midsommar (19) I’m not sure how *good* it is, but it does stick in the ol’ brain

11 *Manhattan Murder Mystery (93)

12 Marriage Story (19)

13 Kramer vs Kramer (79)

14 Jojo Rabbit (19)

15 J’ai perdu mon corps (19) a cute animated film about a hand detached from its body!

16 1917 (19)

17 Married to the Mob (88)

18 Klaus (19)

19 Portrait of a Lady on Fire (19) If Little Women made me want to wear a scarf criss-crossed around my torso, this one made me want to wear a cloak

20 The Last Black Man in San Francisco (19)

21 *Lawrence of Arabia (62)

22 Gone With the Wind (39)

23 Kiss Me Deadly (55)

24 Dredd (12)

25 Heartburn (86) heard a bunch about this one in the Blank Check series on Nora Ephron, sadly after I’d watched it

26 The Long Shot (19)

27 Out of Africa (85)

28 King Kong (46)

29 *Johnny Mnemonic (95)

30 Knocked Up (07)

31 Collateral (04)

32 Bird on a Wire (90)

33 The Black Dahlia (05)

34 Long Time Running (17)

35 *Magic Mike (12)

36 Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead (07)

37 Cold War (18)

38 *Kramer Vs Kramer (79) yes I watched this a few months before! This was a pandemic friend group co-watch.

39 *Burn After Reading (08)

40 Last Holiday (50)

41 Fly Away Home (96)

42 *Moneyball (11) I’m sure I watch this every two years, at most??

43 Last Holiday (06) the Queen Latifah version of the 1950 movie above, lacking, of course, the brutal “poor people don’t deserve anything good” ending

44 *Safe (95)

45 Gimme Shelter (70)

46 The Daytrippers (96)

47 Experiment in Terror (62)

48 Tucker: The Man and His Dream (88)

49 My Brilliant Career (79) one of the salvations of 2020 was watching movies “with” friends. Our usual method was to video chat before the movie, sync our streaming services, and text-chat while the movie was on. 

50 Divorce Italian Style (61)

51 *Gosford Park (01) another classic comfort watch, fuck I love a G. Park

52 Hopscotch (80)

53 Brief Encounter (45)

54 Hud (63)

55 Ocean’s 8 (18)

56 *Beverly Hills Cop (84)

57 Blow the Man Down (19)

58 Constantine (05)

59 The Report (19) maddening!! How are people so consistently terrible to one another!

60 Everyday People (04)

61 Anatomy of a Murder (58)

62 Spiderman: Homecoming (17)

63 *To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (95) Of the 90s drag road movies, Priscilla is more visually striking, but this has its moments.

64 Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (92)

65 *The Truman Show (98)

66 Mona Lisa (86)

67 The Blob (58)

68 The Guard (11)

69 *Waiting for Guffman (96) RIP Fred Willard

70 Rocketman (19)

71 Outside In (18)

72 The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (08) how strange to see a movie that you have known the premise for, but no details of, for over a decade

73 *Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country (91)

74 The Reader (08)

75 Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (19) This was fine until it VERY MUCH WAS NOT FINE

76 The End of the Affair (99) you try to watch a fun little romp about infidelity during the Blitz, and Graham Greene can’t help but shoehorn in a friggin crisis of religious faith

77 Must Love Dogs (05) barely any dog content, where are the dogs at

78 The Rainmaker (97)

79 *Batman & Robin (97)

80 National Lampoon’s Vacation (83) Never seen any of the non-xmas Vacations, didn’t realize the children are totally different, not just actors but ages! Also, this one is blatantly racist!

81 *Mystic Pizza (88)

82 Funny Girl (68)

83 The Sons of Katie Elder (65)

84 *Knives Out (19) another re-watch within the same year!! How does this keep happening??

85 *Scott Pilgrim Vs The World (10) a real I-just-moved-away-from-Toronto nostalgia watch

86 Canadian Bacon (92) vividly recall this VHS at the video store, but I never saw it til 2020

87 *Blood Simple (85)

88 Brittany Runs a Marathon (19)

89 The Accidental Tourist (88)

90 August Osage County (13) MELO-DRAMA!!

91 Appaloosa (08)

92 The Firm (93) Feeling good about how many iconic 80s/90s video store stalwarts I watched in 2020

93 *Almost Famous (00)

94 Whisper of the Heart (95)

95 Da 5 Bloods (20)

96 Rain Man (88)

97 True Stories (86)

98 *Risky Business (83) It’s not about what you think it’s about! It never was!

99 *The Big Chill (83)

100 The Way We Were (73)

101 Safety Last (23) It’s getting so that I might have to add the first two digits to my dates...not that I watch THAT many movies from the 1920s...

102 Phantasm (79)

103 The Burrowers (08)

104 New Jack City (91)

105 The Vanishing (88)

106 Sisters (72)

107 Puberty Blues (81) Little Aussie cinema theme, here

108 Elevator to the Gallows (58)

109 Les Diaboliques (55)

110 House (77) haha WHAT no really W H A T

111 Death Line (72)

112 Cranes are Flying (57)

113 Holes (03)

114 *Lady Vengeance (05)

115 Long Weekend (78)

116 Body Double (84)

117 The Crazies (73) I love that Romero shows the utter confusion that would no doubt reign in the case of any kind of disaster. Things fall apart.

118 Waterlilies (07)

119 *You’re Next (11)

120 Event Horizon (97)

121 Venom (18) I liked it, guys, way more than most superhero fare. Has a real sense of place and the place ISN’T New York!

122 Under the Silver Lake (18) RIP Night Call

123 *Blade Runner (82)

124 *The Birds (62) interesting to see now that I’ve read the story it came from

125 *28 Days Later (02) hits REAL FUCKIN’ DIFFERENT in a pandemic

126 Life is Sweet (90)

127 *So I Married an Axe Murderer (93) find me a more 90s movie, I dare you (it’s not possible)

128 Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (67)

129 The Pelican Brief (93) 90s thrillers continue!

130 Dick Johnston is Dead (20)

131 The Bridges of Madison County (95)

132 Earth Girls are Easy (88) Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum are so hot in this movie, no wonder they got married 

133 Better Watch Out (16)

134 Drowning Mona (00) trying for something like the Coen bros and not getting there

135 Au Revoir Les Enfants (87)

136 *Chasing Amy (97) Affleck is the least alluring movie lead...ever? I also think I gave Joey Lauren Adams’ character short shrift in my memory of the movie. It’s not good, but she’s more complicated than I recalled. 

137 Blackkklansman (18)

138 Being Frank (19)

139 Kiki’s Delivery Service (89)

140 Uncle Frank (20) why so many FRANKS

141 *National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (89) watching with pals (virtually) made it so much more fun than the usual yearly watch!

142 Half Baked (98) another, more secret Toronto nostalgia pic - RC Harris water filtration plant as a prison!

143 We’re the Millers (13)

144 All is Bright (13)

145 Defending Your Life (91)

146 Christmas Chronicles (18) I maintain that most new xmas movies are terrible, particularly now that Netflix churns them out like eggnog every year. 

147 Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse (18)

148 Reindeer Games (00) what did I say about Affleck??!? WHAT DID I SAY

149 Palm Springs (20)

150 Happiest Season (20)

151 *Metropolitan (90) it’s definitely a Christmas movie

152 Black Christmas (74)

THEATRE:HOME - 2:150 (thanks pandemic)

I usually separate out docs and fiction, but I watched almost no documentaries this year (with the exception of Dick Johnston). Reality is real enough. 

TV Series

01 - BoJack Horseman (final season) - Pretty damned poignant finish to the show, replete with actual consequences for our reformed bad boy protagonist (which is more than you can say for most antiheroes of Peak TV).

02 - *Hello Ladies - I enjoy the pure awkwardness of seeing Stephen Merchant try to perform being a Regular Person, but ultimately this show tips him too far towards a nasty, Ricky Gervais-lite sort of persona. Perhaps he was always best as a cameo appearance, or lip synching with wild eyes while Chrissy Teigen giggles?

03 - Olive Kittredge - a rough watch by times. I read the book as well, later in the year. Frances Mcdormand was the best, possibly the only, casting option for the flinty lead. One episode tips into thriller territory, which is a shock. 

04 - *The Wire S3, S4, S5 - lockdown culture! It was interesting to rewatch this, then a few months later go through an enormous, culture-level reappraisal of cop-centred narratives. 

05 - Forever - a Maya Rudolph/Fred Armisen joint that coasts on the charm of its leads. The premise is OK, but I wasn’t left wanting any more at the end. 

06 - *Catastrophe - a rewatch when my partner decided he wanted to see it, too!

07 - Red Oak - resolutely “OK” steaming dramedy, relied heavily on some pretty obvious cues to get across its 1980s setting. 

08 - Little Fires Everywhere - gulped this one down while in 14-day isolation, delicious! Every 90s suburban mom had that SUV, but not all of them had the requisite **secrets**

09 - The Great - fun historical comedy/drama! Costumes: lush. Actors: amusing. Race-blind casting: refreshing!

10 - The Crown S4 - this is the season everyone lost their everloving shit for, since it’s finally recent enough history that a fair chunk of the viewing audience is liable to recall it happening. 

11 - Ted Lasso - we resisted this one for a while (thought I did enjoy the ad campaign for NBC sports (!!) that it was based on). My view is that its best point was the comfort that the men on the show have (or develop, throughout the season) with the acknowledgement and sharing of their own feelings. Masculinity redux. 

12 - Moonbase 8 - Goodnatured in a way that makes you certain they will be crushed. 

13 - The Good Lord Bird - Ethan Hawke is really aging into the character actor we always hoped he would be! 

14 - Hollywood - frothy wish-fulfillment alternate history. I think the show would have been improved immeasurably by skipping the final episode.

[linusbenjamin]

#will graham is the only person that can turn a cannibal into a pathetic sad little meow meow

[bopinion]

Book of the month / 2021 / 03 March

I love books. Even though I hardly read any. Because my library is more like a collection of tomes, coffee-table books, limited editions... in short: books in which not "only" the content counts, but also the editorial performance, the presentation, the curating of the topic - the book as a total work of art itself.

National Geographic: Around the World in 125 Years

Reuel Golden & Thomas J. Kinne

Photojournalism / 2014 / Taschen Publishing House

People of my generation remember the slide shows that their well-traveled uncle would show in his darkened living room to more or less envious relatives after returning from one of his trips to the big, wide world. We children, who had only been to the Adriatic by car for the tenth time and had never been further than 400 kilometers from home, marveled at the exoticism that beckoned to us from the screen. I can still remember looking at a globe in elementary school and realizing that Papua New Guinea was not only proverbially located on the other side of the world.

Nowadays - with over 600 TV channels on satellite, a frequent flyer card in the wallet, and the proverbial World Wide Web in the pocket - it's almost hard to imagine that the world was once much bigger and, more importantly, more unknown than it seems to us today. When my father went to sea as a naval cook in the 1960s, it was still more common to take the ship from Southampton to New York City than to board a plane. And his photos from those days were black and white.

Yes, and then there was the National Geographic Society, a Washington, D.C.-headquartered society and publishing house that began publishing a popular science magazine every month in 1888 to, according to its charter, "bring geography to the attention of the general public." Its second chairman, by the way, was none other than Alexander Graham Bell, who also made the world a smaller place in other ways. In 1905, the then editor-in-chief Gilbert Hovey Grosvenor then founded actual photojournalism, for which the magazine became known worldwide with spectacular color photographs as well as outstanding map supplements.

For five generations, National Geographic Magazine has brought the whole world to your home - with stunning photography, educational illustrations, and gripping stories from every corner of the globe. Combining travel, wildlife, science, history, culture, and natural conservation, the editorial team continues to inspire you to (re)discover the planet we live on. It continually redefined the aesthetics of the photo essay while pushing the boundaries of what is technically possible in photography - from early black-and-white photographs to the first autochromes, from the golden era of Kodachrome slides to digital images. The results speak for themselves: for example, a color image of Obersee in the far southeastern corner of the Alps in Bavaria from 1920. One hundred years later, we were right there - and it still looks the same.

To celebrate its 125th birthday, National Geographic granted my favorite well-known publisher Taschen unrestricted access to its archives. And it has succeeded in distilling the ultimate world tour from this immeasurable treasure. With many never-before-published photographs that are almost as complex, profound and colorful as the world itself. The result is three massive volumes that invite you to take a trip around the world on more than 1,400 pages (and on 17.4 kg of the finest paper!). The whole thing as a limited edition of 125,000 copies worldwide. Well, that's generous, but in these strange times, wanderlust must also be satisfied away from package tourism and outside of vacation brochures - so better get it now.

Reuel Golden, former editor-in-chief of the British Journal of Photography, is editor for photography at Taschen and found gems from legends of photojournalism such as Frans Lanting, George Rodger and James Nachtwey. Or Steve McCurry, who says of the result itself, "Around the World in 125 Years is the best book ever published from the National Geographic archives." The picture journey is rounded off by essays by historian Douglas Brinkley and biographies of all the photographers.

Perhaps this opus can even be considered a time capsule of sorts, says the Feuilleton: "This first-rate publication is a cultural investment that should be well cherished and passed on to future generations." (Traveler) "An heirloom in the making." (The Globe and Mail) "The photography book of the year and an achievement in every way... If you're interested in photography and humanity - and can afford it - you'll enjoy it for a lifetime." (Evening Standard) "An exhilarating armchair adventure." (USA Today). Let's see if my kids can appreciate their father's passion for those kind of books someday.

While Obersee has been preserved unchanged over all these decades thanks to Germany's only national park in the Alps (thank you!), other no less beautiful places have fallen under the wheels of mostly insatiable and often reckless humanity. Nice that there are at least still pictures of it....

Here's the link to a teaser that at least I couldn't resist:

http://www.taschen-transfer.com/media/downloads/xl_national_geographic_teaser_02894.pdf

[thehorsedispatch]

New Post has been published on https://horsetoloan.com/horse-riding/horse-quotes/

Horse Quotes

Horse Quotes

For all the horse lovers out there, we have put together a list of the all-time best horse quotes ever. Of course, these weren’t actually spoken by horses, but most of them were spoken by horse lovers, and all of them were spoken about horses. 

There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man.

Winston Churchill 

No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle. 

Winston Churchill

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. 

W.C. Fields

I’d rather ride on a Mustang than in one.

Bailey Ann Neal

When your horse follows you without being asked, when he rubs his head on yours, and when you look at him and feel a tingle down your spine… you know you are loved.

John Lyons

There is no secret so close as that between a rider and his horse.

Robert Smith Surtees

A horse gallops with his lungs, perseveres with his heart, and wins with his character. 

Tesio

We have almost forgotten how strange a thing it is that so huge and powerful and intelligent an animal as a horse should allow another, and far more feeble animal, to ride upon its back.

Peter Gray

He doth nothing but talk of his horses. O for a horse with wings! When I bestride him, I soar, I am a hawk: he trots the air; the earth sings when he touches it; the basest horn of his hoof is more musical than the pipe of Hermes. As full of spirit as the month of May, and as gorgeous as the sun in Midsummer.

William Shakespeare 

Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.

John Wayne

The history of mankind is carried on the back of a horse.

Unknown

There are many wonderful places in the world, but one of my favorite place is on the back of my horse.

Rolf Kopfle

A pony is a childhood dream. A horse is an adult treasure.

Rebecca Carroll

There is no secret so close as that between a rider and his horse.

Robert Smith Surtees 

A man on a horse is spiritually, as well as physically, bigger than a man on foot.

John Steinbeck 

In their eyes shine stars of wisdom and courage to guide men to the heavens.

Jodie Mitchell

A horse doesn’t care how much you know until he knows how much you care. Put your hand on your horse and your heart in your hand.

Pat Parelli 

No heaven can heaven be, if my horse isn’t there to welcome me.

Unknown

Horses lend us the wings we lack.

Pam Brown

God forbid that I should go to any heaven in which there are no horses.

R.B. Cunningham Graham 

I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a horse.

John Galsworthy

I often said there is nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse.

Ronald Reagan

No philosophers so thoroughly comprehended us as dogs and horses.

Herman Melville 

For one to fly, one needs only to take the reins.

Melissa James

One can get in a car and see what man has made. One must get on a horse to see what God has made.

Unknown

The essential joy of being with horses is that it brings us in contact with the rare elements of grace, beauty, spirit, and freedom.

Sharon Ralls Lemon

The horse. Here is nobility without conceit, friendship without envy, beauty without vanity. A willing servant, yet never a slave.

Ronald Duncan

The horse, with beauty unsurpassed, strength immeasurable and grace unlike any other, still remains humble enough to carry a man upon his back.

Amber Senti

There is something about riding down the street on a prancing horse that makes you feel like something, even when you ain’t a thing.

Will Rogers

A horse can lend its rider the speed and strength he or she lacks – but the rider who is wise remembers it is no more than a loan.

Pam Brown

A dog may be man’s best friend, but the horse wrote history.

Unknown

You took me to adventure and to love. We two have shared great joy and great sorrow. And now I stand at the gate of the paddock watching you run in an ecstasy of freedom, knowing you will return to stand quietly, loyally, beside me.

Pam Brown

Wherever man has left his footprints in the long ascent from barbarism to civilization, we find the hoofprint of a horse beside it.

John Trotwood Moore

Through the days of love and celebration and joy, and through the dark days of mourning – the faithful horse has been with us always.

Elizabeth Cotton

Horse thou art truly a creature, for thou fliest without wings and conquorest without sword.

Unknown 

There is no better place to heal a broken heart than on the back of a horse.

Missy Lyons

You and your horse. His strength and beauty. Your knowledge and patience and determination and understanding and love. That’s what fuses the two of you onto this marvelous partnership that makes you wonder… “What can heaven offer any better than what I have here on Earth?”

Monica Dickens

At its finest, rider and horse are joined not by tack, but by trust. Each is totally reliant upon the other. Each is the selfless guardian of the other’s very well-being.

Unknown 

It is the horse’s gift to connect us with Heaven and our own footsteps.

Ronni Sweet

The air of heaven is that which blows between a horse’s ears.

Proverb 

The horse moved like a dancer, which is not surprising. A horse is a beautiful animal, but he is perhaps the most remarkable because he moves as if he always hears music. 

Mark Helprin 

[beware-of-boys-in-bands]

Looking back on 2017

It*s that time again...

I do this every year, feel free to reblog with your own answers! 1: What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before? quit my job, got a tattoo 2: Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t believe in resolutions, but I had 2 goals for this year, and I accomplished both of them! Might have to think of something for 2018... 3: Did anyone close to you give birth? no

4: Did anyone close to you die? thank goodness, no.

5: What countries did you visit? haha only the U.K I guess...

6: What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? a proper beach holiday, job satisfaction (my exact answer from last year) 7: What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 11.- 15.5. - London & Lost Evenings 20.7. - Chester’s death 28.12. - the day I quit my job

8: What was your biggest achievement of the year? realising that enough is enough, and putting myself first 9: What was your biggest failure? being too afraid in many ways 10: Did you suffer illness or injury? physically no, but my mind took a bit of a beating... 11: What was the best thing you bought? concert tickets and flights 12: Whose behaviour merited celebration? my parents’ for unwaveringly supporting me through anything and in any way available to them (last year’s answer, still true <3 ) 13: Whose behaviour made you appalled? humanity as a whole 14: Where did most of your money go? Berlin’s retail industry and London 15: What did you get really, really, really excited about? Lost Evenings and Lost Legion! 16: What song will always remind you of 2016? Chris T-T - Words Fail Me Also anything from the excellent Ed Sheeran album

17: Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? © richer or poorer? happier, fatter, richer. 18: What do you wish you’d done more of? speak my mind and take care of myself 19: What do you wish you’d done less of? waste energy, peace of mind and tears on undeserving arseholes  20: How did you spend Christmas? At homehome, with my family. Best and only way to spend Christmas. <3 (same answer every year, still true.) 21: Did you fall in love in 2017? no 22: What was your favourite TV program? don’t have a TV, loads of stuff on Netflix though! And The Graham Norton Show. 23: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? no 24: What was the best book you read? John Lanchaster - Capital John Green - Turtles All The Way Down

25: What was your greatest musical discovery? Jason Isbell, Chris T-T, Séan McGowan 26: What did you want and get? music, friends and travels 27: What did you want and not get? a beach holiday, a job in the music industry 28: What was your favourite film of this year? La La Land 29: What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having the best people anyone could wish for in my life. And music. (another answer from last year. still true.) 30: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? either relaxed office-style, or man-sized band shirts & jeans. Also, high waist all the way! 31: What kept you sane? regular breaks from my everyday life 32: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Benedict Cumberbatch I guess... 33: What political issue stirred you the most? The 2017 Women’s MArch 34: Who did you miss? my mom, my friends, my family 35: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016. put yourself first, no one else will “you don’t owe them anything”

36: Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. 'cause it turns out hell will not be found Within the fires below But in making do and muddling through When you’ve nowhere else to go. - Frank Turner

[bugeyesboutique]

Hey there!

Welcome to the blog to those of you who are new, and for those of you who have been here in the long run. Thanks for following. My name is Cecil-Marie Graham(Ey/Eir/Em or They/Their/Them), and I write for this blog, and the podcast series The Black Sea, which follows the narrative of the protagonist Nikau Iona. I'm really excited to be writing this series, and to be working with an amazing cast who openly auditioned on the blog. If you wanted to still audition, you're welcome to e-mail me at blacksea.podcast@gmail.com for more info too! However, this isn't why I'm making this post. As some of you are already aware, this series actively addresses the social understanding of, and not limited to, gender, sexuality, and romantic spectrums, mental illness and healthy versus unhealthy coping mechanisms, and confronts them. I, myself, am Agender(as if my pronouns probably didn't make that obvious), and while I try to write political statements into the series as subtle as possible, I want to make this much clear: Do not take the subtleties I write as silence. I will admit I have feared. I don't think a day goes by where I'm not afraid to write my characters on my own blog without fear someone will accuse me of using my muses like Attack Dogs. I am not here to pity your guilt. Feeling guilt over things that ARE actually your fault is part of overcoming them. You can do it. I'm not here to pat you on the back for having basic human decency. I'm not going to praise you for being inclusive. I know the world we live in. I live in it. In fact, I come from violence against me, I come from a very extreme situation; it's not rare someone has to sit me down, and say "Cecil, they aren't trying to hurt you." I have it ingrained in my head that the world wants someone like me dead. Because I was born one way, because I'm trans, because my last name is Muslim, because I'm ginger, because my parents erased the Rroma part of the family and I refuse to let them erase it anymore, because I wanted to be able to see my boyfriend for a few days, because I ate the last of something, because I grow a slight beard and wear make-up, because I'm paranoid and living with Schizophrenia and PTSD among other disorders, because I don't back down-- I have had people physically, or verbally assault and harass me over these things, and others. Some of these things I've done, I deserved the backlash, and learned from it. Sometimes I forget the world around me isn't so harsh, and other times I remember that it is and can be without conviction or mercy. Things suck right now for a lot of people. I just want to help others feel validated and happy. The Black Sea podcast is intended to validate and uplift others. It's the message that I hope will always say, no matter what: Keep moving forward. Because sometimes it's really hard to do that. Sometimes you work really hard, only to lose. That isn't the end though. You can still keep breathing. You can still at least survive. I know it's hard, but please: Keep breathing. We need you. Thank you for reading, and being part of what I'm making, and even allowing me to take part in what you guys are making. I am so proud and honoured to know and have met the people I have over the past year. Thank you for existing. I will always believe in the immeasurable potential of Humanity, and appreciate those who remind me of it when I forget. Have a lovely day. I'll be around, and probably answer asks and reply to threads throughout the day.