#my mental health was in shambles 💀

[bpdamn]

hi they have released me back into the wild

[lostonmari]

SUCCESS #2 - November

Success #2 -- Everything I manifested in November

November is when I started this blog, and also ACTUALLY started applying all of the things I learned started taking affirming and thinking in my favor seriously instead of just sporadically manifesting random things here and there because I was too lazy to put in the work. I never had issues w wavering, but I was just inconsistent as fuck (Hell, I'm still inconsistent with posting on my own damn blog, yall can't possibly think I'm consistent with affirming!) So here's everything I manifested…

Manifested back my old bestfriend/ex-gf after 4 years no contact She came back, apologized for mistreating me and told me basically everything I affirmed for LMAO. and that's one of the things that gave me faith in the law because ik this girl would rather die than ever apologize to someone. Now that she's back I'm manifesting away her friends and leaving her broke down and in shambles because I'm evil and believe in revenge. yall dont know the type of bullsh*t this woman put me through. Idc if everyone is you pushed out, some people don't deserve forgiveness 🤓

My mom is walking again I successfully revised her shattered ankle without the weeks of recovery time the doctors "thought" she needed. She's literally walking around just fine now and doesn't need to wear her cast or whatever that big bulky thing was.

Manifested my brother out of jail on a time crunch Now I'm not sharing my family's whole drama online but… yea. he's out.

No more social anxiety, cured one of my mental health issues I don't wanna trauma dump or go into too much detail about my life but, yes. for anyone also working on mental health, it can be done and you won't regret trying. Life actually feels like it has meaning now and for once in all my years of life, I can actually say that I'm happy. 💗

Stopped nail biting COMPLETELY! I used to struggle with nail biting for YEARSSS whether it was out of stress, anxiety, whatever the fuck. but now it's completely gone. my nails are no longer STUBS, like theyre actually long and healthy. I didn't even affirm for this so I kinda think it came with improving my mental health since I didn't really have the issues that *triggered* nail biting anymore yk?. I'm actually the happiest about this result like yall don't understand how long I've wanted the natural french tips look 💀

[TW: Discussion of binging, discussion of food]

6. WL + Maintained weight loss! I literally changed my entire way of viewing food, and subsequently fixed my lose->gain->lose-> gain again cycle. Ever since learning LOAss If I binged I would be like: I just have a fast metabolism so that's why I'm so hungry my body is burning everything I eat so fast! and I would also tell myself calories don't matter because food is only energy. Basically, reminding myself of what Abdullah told Neville: "If you ate as I did, you would be poisoned because of your belief." (heavily paraphrased because my memory is terrible.. yes I'm working on it 😭) and it keeps me from feeling guilty abt eating. I ate SOOO MUCH food yesterday and I mean SO MUCH. I ate an entire box of cheese sticks, two large chicken sandwiches, 2 pb & j sandwiches total throughout the day, and half a tub of icecream for dessert… Yeah I was going crazy.. to the point I looked 5 months pregnant at the end of the night. Fast forward to today, my stomach is back to flat and back to normal as if it never happened. Food literally will not effect you if you believe it doesn't! This was my main focus too so I'm very proud of myself :)

Moral of the story is, never give up.

YOU decide what happens in your reality and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. There were times when I didn't want to affirm, so I didn't. If I felt lazy then I didn't consciously affirm or listen to subliminals, I just relaxed and went on about my day. I never made affirming feel like a chore. There were times when I had doubts too or thought it wouldn't work. I especially thought it wouldn't work for my mental health but I just affirmed anyway. When you're having resistance literally just know there's nothing bad that can possibly happen from believing in yourself and thinking in your favor. Just DO IT. Persist no matter what and you WILL get what you want!

I'll try to do better with posting my successes (but only ones that actually meant something big to me tbh. I don't see a point in sharing every little thing unless it was me overcoming some type of struggle) and answering messages but I refuse to download the tumblr app so yall just gotta see and hear from me whenever I feel like loading up this website. I'm just enjoying & living my life rn girl I used to dream about times like this and now I finally have them 😭

[angelvyxen]

See y’all gotta get her where it hurts and start talking about ella and jayson👀

I’m convinced you all will not be happy until my mental health is in shambles 💀 this was such an evil thing to say. I AM HANGING ON BY A THREAD!

[crows-and-coffee]

So things could be going a bit better.

Aside from the financial crisis we're all facing because of a certain poo brain dictator, it's just not been going too well.

My mental health is in shambles, but I've been doing everything I could to suck it up and hide it from everyone.

But I feel my facade is cracking. I'm saying shit to people without thinking about consequences and I just feel like a general burden.

So I'm just back to laying low on Discord. I just don't want to get in peoples way anymore because I feel they've friggin had enough of me by now.

I'll come back eventually 💀

I've been sick for over a month with pneumonia and I only recovered a few days ago. My lungs still feel fucking weird.

The world just...pisses me off.

If I watch the news, I get angry, if i interact with people, i get angry.

I'm not really sure how to process those feelings, so i guess withdrawing is somewhat a way to deal with it?

Anyway, life sucks. Drink coffee.

[gorefetishizer]

Ok ok I'll be able to study it seems I'm not killing myself

[lcandothisallday]

i’ve been ok!! i went on a little vacation but as soon as i came back my mental health went to shambles lmao. but i’ve got the bachelorette as something to look forward to & to keep me going. how have you been!!? (hopefully much better than me) 💌

yeah I feel you, my mental health is very up and down😵‍💫 but for the most part I’ve been good! I hope you got to enjoy your lil vacation tho!!

And ooh I need to get into the bachelorette! I’ve never watched it💀 I’ve seen a few episodes of love island tho LOL

[parcai]

Oh boy do I have a lot. Ok here we go! Mercury, Uranus, Neptune, Canopus, Cassiopeia, Gemini, Black hole

Mercury: What's your full name?

Edit: Took this out now that the intended person has seen it. But my grandmother and other people used to call me Kitu, and it's a way easier name, so I shortened it to Kit for all my platforms. 🥰

Uranus: What's your hobby?

Er...I write a lot! I'm trying to get a book published right now and I do fanfic, but besides that, I play three instruments, and I draw. My great-something-grandfather was a professional painter, and my mother likes to think that talent was passed down to certain peopole like two of my cousins and I. Idk how much I believe of that bc genetics don't work like that lol, but maybe a cool fact?? Anyways, pretty standard hobbies. ❤

Neptune: When's your birthday?

I answered this earlier, but Dec. 26th, the day after Christmas. 😌

Canopus: Have you ever broken a bone?

I have. In 4th grade, I was in Girl Scouts lmao (super lame and I hated it), and we went to the University of Michigan for a SWEet (society of women's engineering) tour and program thingy, and while we were touring the place, we stopped at this wavy landscape thing with SUPER tiny hills.

We all started playing tag, and I fell, and I broke my left wrist lmao. Like this is so sad. Everyone ik has like cool stories from breaking their arms by falling off their bikes and shit, and mine is I broke my wrist on baby hills. 😭 (I've also cut my forehead open on a windowsill, but we won't talk about that lol).

Thing is, I didn't know it was broken, only that it hurt a crap ton so I didn't say anything for like four days after and then we finally went to the doctor. My wrist still cracks every time I roll it. 😔

Cassiopeia: Favorite book?

Atm, I recently read and liked Stephen Hawking's Brief Answers To The Big Questions, but some of my favorites overall are the TID series (obvi lol), A Short Stay In Hell by Steven L. Peck, Teeth by Hannah Moskowitz, The Liars' Club by Mary Karr, and the Red Queen series by Victoria Aveyard. (Also, let's ignore that that's not one book. I have too many favorites. 😭) I also really like Night by Elie Wiesel and To Kill A Mockingbird, but I'd feel weird saying those bc they're like curriculum books/classics.

Gemini: Favorite song?

Atm, really vibing with Lauv and Troye Sivan and Melanie Martinez. Lauv's Never Not and Modern Loneliness are both dope, Troye Sivan's Strawberries + Cigarettes and Talk Me Down are great too, and Highschool Sweetheart and Teacher's Pet by Melanie have been favorites recently.

Overall? I don't know if I'd ever be able to choose lmao. I do like old music though, Xtina, Whitney, Queen, all that ish. 😍

Black hole: What's the last thing you want to see?

There's two ways to think of this: What do you want to be looking at when you go, and what do you want to have seen around us before you die?

1. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I don't want to see people freaking out above me. I don't want screaming or chaos or any of that shit, unless it's because I'm at a riot or war or something crazy like that. But I refuse to lie in a bed while family/friends/loved ones freak the fuck out. That's traumatizing for them, and chaotic me, so thanks but no thanks, ya know?

I'll take a nice blue sky or an ocean view or rustling trees by myself instead. Also, fuck dying in a hospital. I refuse to die of old age with my health, both physical and mental, in shambles. It's a terrible way to go, and you feel so useless as you get old. I refuse life support if I manage to live that long (which I seriously doubt; I aspire to die a martyr, but the reality is it will probably be from working myself to death or something lame. 💀)

2. It's a political answer, but fuck it bc so am I. I'd like to see something progressive before I go, like a Supreme Court made of all POCs and queer individuals. Or, idk, a government run by the people without brutality, or even a president, or any of that garbage. It's probably an unrealistic utopia, but I think there are enough good people in this world who deserve a utopia. (And the rest of us can burn lmao).

I'd like to see a world where no one remembers me, not because I don't work every day to be remembered, but because if nothing I do matters in the end, then that means that there are so many more extraordinary people in the world who have created something wonderful that whatever I've done is small in comparison.