#my next big project is something I like to call ‘starting college’

[bluebutlikenotalways]

And so we return, as all things do, to Centaurworld.

[X] Should I draw Nowhere King Black Pearl? Vote now!

ALSO! White Pearl’s design is once again cosmicwhoreo’s

Actually I’m not leaving this in the tags. I loved doing those funky backgrounds, but it also means a diversity loss because he fucking speared her on bisexual beach DX

[that-student-that-has-homework]

Portgas D. Ace Headcanons 01

Excuse me Oda-sensei, but that 40 year old Ace is simply criminal. Thank you so much for blessing us with him

Anyway! Have some Husband!Ace headcanons For more Ace content please head to my Tumblr MasterList

Ace is, respectfully, a huge simp for his wife

To the extent that the Whitebeard crew straight up jokingly awarded him with a “Biggest Wife Simp” Award

They made it look official and had Whitebeard sign it and everything. There's even a stamp.

Ace has it framed and hung proudly on the wall next to your bachelor’s degree / college diploma / degree in general. 

I feel like despite his own personal insecurities, Ace still manages to be an amazing father

I imagine Ace originally setting out for like one or two kiddos at most (because y'know...what if he's not good enough) and ending up with 3 or 4 kids

Thing is, that’s both your faults.

Ace is tender and goofy with his kids, and he’s so friggin caring: to the extent that…well wouldn’t it be neat to see him with maybe another 2 or 3 kiddos of his own? 

(Your husband is hot okay?)

In his case, he swears you have a unique glow about you when you’re pregnant. But more than that when he sees you with your first born, he suddenly wants a big family with you.

I imagine his kids are an eldest son, then his princess, then the youngest boy who takes after his uncle Luffy.

His kids aren’t parentified. He keeps his issues far, far, away from them. Besides, he’s got you by his side.

He was dedicated to making sure they got as much playtime as possible.

He heard about learning through play, and he is DEDICATED to doing that as much as possible

Ace’s kids are spoiled with affection, but not spoiled brats.

While it’s true he’d give them the world, he’d rather let them go get it themselves. 

For example: when they asked for a tree house, he gave them the greenlight immediately.

But they had to build it themselves.

It was a super fun project lasting a little over two months with the whole family involved.

Oh and the Whitebeard crew helped too.

It took a while to get the design down initially, then the shopping logistics and whatnot (they used a lot of math here - see education via play)

Building the thing took maybe a weekend or two because the Whitebeard Crew and even the Strawhats came over to help

(It was mostly Franky and Usopp doing work, Sanji was cooking with Thatch)

Uncle Luffy was not allowed near the construction zone after an accident.

They almost destroyed the tree house with their partying once

Ace’s kids were not happy and no one was allowed in the backyard for the rest of the night

He makes sure they have proper manners and self-defense skills

You had to help out here, no lie.

He admitted he needed your help, especially after a dinner with Garp where Makino tagged along to see Ace again

He puts all of his kids into martial arts classes

especially his princess - he’s so proud of her when she beats up bullies

He’s not great at discipline though to be honest. He probably goes about it similarly to Garp. 

Ace will not tolerate any of his kids being nasty to their mother. No matter the phase.

You will have to hold him back if you want to let them get their frustration off their chest.

He’ll let them talk, but you’ll have to keep a hand on him somewhere, his arm, his hand, his knee, his shoulder, his back and rub soothing circles

Let’s just say, “talk shit, get hit,” is Ace’s attitude towards anyone being demeaning towards you (more so with adults, not his kids, but that's why they get a scolding)

"Ace my love" (he melts every time you call him that) "the kids’ll start thinking you love me more than them if you do that"

"My kids won’t disrespect their mother though!"

"They’re just venting darling, and when they say or do something that violates my boundaries, I'll be sure to reinforce it. Lead by example right?"

If they ever feel like pissing Ace off for fun they can just say something kinda not nice about you and he'll get mad and they'll flee from him giggling like the little gremlins they are

Ace is veeeeeeeeerry physically affectionate and he isn’t shy about it at all.

At gatherings with the Whitebeard family, he will gladly seat you in his lap, he will happily hug you as you are seated.

His arm is on your waist most of the time.

They tease him to make him tone it down, he does not.

He, in fact, dials it up. Turns up the heat lol.

You have kids? Not in front of them? What do you mean, not in front of the kids? It’s important they know just how much he loves their mama!

So he will continue to be playful with his hugs and kisses and other displays of affection.

It’s nothing too over the top. Just hugs and quick pecks wherever.

Your entire head is fair game for his smooches, your arms (he loves kissing your pulse and then making eye contact, sneaky guy that he is), your shoulders.

Maybe lifting you and spinning you around. Cuddles. Little bites.

He will play-wrestle his kids to “fight” them over getting to cuddle you, and then he’ll just put all his weight on all of you in a group cuddle

Just to let you know, your kids also receive all the warmth and love of his affections.

When his sons are still tiny and adorable, he smooches them all over. The kisses grow less frequent as they grow older, but the hugs do not stop.

Oh no, hugs galore.

Ace still pecks his little princess on her forehead though

When they’re all under ten he’ll wrap them in a hug (after he chased them down and caught them so they’re laughing and screaming) and start smooching their cheeks while they laugh and try to get out of his grasp

Also yes she’s his princess, but that girl has no problem throwing a fully grown man twice her size around, he made sure of it.

I reiterate: Ace is not remotely shy about displays of affection

Like his eldest could have a friend over, and Ace would still launch a full scale hug attack using the rest of his troops (daughter/youngest)

It's complete with screeching, screaming, and a lot of laughter

His kids used to get teased for it, but it didn’t take more than a few conversations for them to instead jeer at the kids that teased them.

"You’re all jealous your parents don’t love you like ours do"

"How sad, your parents don't hug and kiss you"

Their dad, grandpa, uncle - uncles really, are all gremlins - it's in their DNA

The kids are really physically affectionate with each other as a result

Deadass they’ll be kicking the shit out of each other one second and the next they’ll be all cuddled and huddled up playing Mario Kart or something

Ace is his kids’ hero.

His sons aspire to have his level of fitness.

His daughter, when she’s older, uses him as a standard for dating

You're relieved

Ace is touched and a touch nervous, because he is aware of his shortcomings, though he works hard to keep improving

Of course when you look at him, a twinkle in your eyes, and tell him, “I’m so proud of her, I’m so proud of you!” He feels better

When you continue: “if she can find a guy like you, who cherishes her as much as you cherish me, I’d be so happy.”

Ace loves you so much he swears

[numinously-yours]

Pick a pile: Where will you be in 3, 6, and 12 months?

Looking back at my poll from a couple of weeks ago, there were three topics tied for second place. One of them is this one: Where will you be in 3, 6, and 12 months?

For this reading, I looked at your current energy. If you're not sure which pile is for you, please feel free to read that part first! Then, I went through and provided insight on where you'll be/what you'll be focused on at the 3-month, 6-month, and 12-month increments of the next year. The write ups are a bit longer than usual, so I apologize in advance for pile 3 & 4 for having to scroll a bit longer lol

Current Energy: The Moon

At this current time, it feels like you are in an energy of “almost”. You have something in your mind that you think makes a good idea/proposal. Your gut tells you that you should go for it, but your anxiety is holding you back from taking the leap. You may be remembering a time in the past where you went for something big and it didn’t work out. You’re worried this may happen again and you don’t want to set yourself up for disappointment.

3 – Page of swords, Knight of cups

In three months time, you’re going to be on an enthusiastic, creative, and passionate adventure. There is something you are hoping to share with the world! In the months leading up to this, new ideas are going to be brewing. How can you best share your passion with others? What is a fun and new way to present your idea? Continue brainstorming these ideas and you’ll have a good basis of where to start when the time comes.

6 – Eight of wands

After a few more months of getting your idea up and running (6 mo. total) , you are really going to see movement and action. There may have been a few bumps along the way as you perfected the execution of your ideas above, but things seem to be smoothing out. I think that around this time, you’ll have a really solid foundation of where you want this project to go. As you see the rewards of your work, you may even want to begin expanding.

12 – Four of wands, Wheel of fortune

Finally, a year from now, you’re going to feel really fulfilled. What I love is that the wheel of fortune came up in this time frame specifically. The Wheel is about karma and life cycles – it makes me think that at this time next year you’re really going to feel like you’ve come full circle in whatever project you’ve just taken on. The four of wands is all about celebration, harmony, and relaxation. An amazing and overwhelming sense of “I did it!” is definitely coming through here. Congratulations on whatever you’re up to, pile 1. It’s going to be amazing 😊

Current energy - Knight of pentacles rev. and Seven of cups rev.

You are feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. Based on the cards that came out for your timeline, I think it likely has to do with your social circle/relationships. Maybe you’re the foundation of the group and you’re starting to become tired of being everyone’s support (like, actual exhaustion, not just “sick of it”) or you feel like you’re the one who is continually left out. You are trying to figure out what to do about it but feel stuck. I also can’t stop thinking that some of you are students – either graduating HS this year and starting college in the Fall, transferring schools, or starting a new career closely after graduation. This might not be all of you, but I was called to make that note.

3 – Three of cups reversed

You’re going to venture on your own pretty soon here, number two. Where the three of cups upright is about community, celebrating with friends, etc., the reversal indicates that you need some alone time. It’s okay if you don’t feel like you’re really clicking with your people anymore. Even though it can suck, you must do what is best for you. And I think that means seeing who you are, without the influence of others. There is a small indication of overindulgence, specifically when it comes to lifestyle changes. While it’s important to find yourself, please remember to do it smartly and healthily.

6 – Six of cups, page of cups

Taking the time to find yourself is going to bring you to your six-month point. At this point in time, I think you’re going to have a pretty good idea of who “you” are. You’re going to be more in tune with your intuition & higher self. You have a clearer idea of the future – or at least you are getting more and more comfortable with the unknown. Taking this time for yourself was really important and I’m happy that you’re going to do it. It is going to teach you the beauty of curiosity, it’s going to remind you that your inner child is still within you and deserves fun, and it’s going to teach you that the past is the past and the only way forward is continuing to move ahead.

12 – Ten of coins, The Devil

The main message from these two cards comes from the ten of coins. This next year is going to teach you SO much about yourself. At this time next year, you’ll look back feel like your personal journey was absolutely worth it. You feel more abundant and much more confident that your future ahead is bright. The Devil, I think, is here as another reminder to not get ahead of yourself or start to feel conceited because of your journey. You may feel tempted to rub your success in the faces of that social circle you left, but that is not going to be beneficial to you. Let your success make YOU happy. You can absolutely share the success, but not as a way to shame the others who had previously let you down.

Current Energy – The Emperor and Playday rev.

Playday is a specific card to this deck and, for some reason, there’s not any info on what the card was meant to represent. But hey, that’s all part of the tarot reading process! Since it came into reverse, my initial thought is that you haven’t had many opportunities to have playday. I asked the deck for a standard tarot card to clarify and the Emperor came out at that time. In your current energy, you feel an obligation to take of others and be a foundation for them. Some of you are likely parents or caretakers. Others feel like you have to be “the strong one”. In your eyes, there is no time for play because there is too much to be done and there are too many people who need you.

3 – Three of coins rev., Five of cups

I think it’s been your goal for some time to focus on self-care. And I think that you’re going to continue to try for the next three months. There is this sense that you wish others would take care of you for once, but you’re “stuck” taking care of yourself AND trying to take care of them at the same time. You wonder why you have to be on the journey of self-care alone. You might get to this three-month period and wonder what the point of self-care is if you don’t even feel better.  I’m here to remind you that ANY progress in taking care of yourself is good progress! The fact that you are THINKING about how you deserve to be taken care of is a good thing! It means you know your worth. Unfortunately, I don’t think the three-month period is going to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside but!! (see your six-month overview for more)

6 – The Chariot

Although the road to self-care has been HARD, you really WILL feel your rewards soon. By the six-month period, you’re going to feel some success. You’ll see that you have the willpower to take care of yourself instead of dropping everything to help everyone else, you’ll have the determination to hold your boundaries, and you’ll have the strength to remember that it only gets better from here. Boundary setting is coming out the strongest as the thing you’ll progress with the most. There will be tests that challenge this and sometimes the boundaries will come down, but you will more consistently BELIEVE you deserve the boundaries. It’s going to be an empowering time for you, group three! I’m just sorry it has to be the six month check point lol

12 – Five of swords rev., Ace of swords, Eight of swords (clarified by Sunrise, also a deck specific card!)

At this time next year, you’re going to be so proud of yourself. This makes my heart happy <3 There are still some times where people challenge your boundaries and try to take advantage of your genuine heart, but you’re finally at a point where you feel confident saying no. If/when this happens, you’ll reflect over this past year and see how far you’ve come. This will remind you of all of the hard work you did to get here and that it is not worth going back to feeling the way you did before (aka right now). You can ABSOLUTELY still be a person who provides a solid foundation for others, but not at the expense of yourself. Your mental state is going to feel soo much more clear. Each day you’ll realize something new about yourself, your needs, and how YOU can help yourself get there. This is really going to be a turning point in your mindset. AH I’m just so excited for you! Finally, with the eight of swords – I wanted to pull a clarifier because the eight usually represents negativity and victim mentality. I don’t think this will be your energy in a year. So, I pulled the Sunrise card. I think it’s AWESOME that you got 2/3 unique cards from this deck. This card is different than the Sun card, though, in my interpretation, it has a lot of the same energy. In the times that you feel guilty for setting your boundaries or taking care of yourself first, there will be a sunrise in the back of your mind. You will see the light of the rays and the warmth of this bright star. It will be a reminder that the sun always rises and it doesn’t mean you’re reverting back to your old tendencies to forget your own needs.

12 month column is ace of wands & moonlight ; apologies for the hard to read text. in retrospect, I shouldn't have picked that photo background.

Current energy: The Devil reversed.

Right now, you are going through a personal transformation. I bet there is a sense of unknown and you’re a bit resistant to that (consciously or not). The future is scary and not being able to plan for it doesn’t help the anxiety. However, you understand the importance of your transformation and are trying your best to optimistic of the outcome.

3 – The Hierophant, Temperance, and Four of cups

In three months, it looks like you’ll still be on the journey of self-discovery, but you’ll be a little more patient with not knowing. In the time leading up to this three-month mark, you’ll discover tools that help you remain present. You’ll do a lot of introspection which will allow you to feel more comfortable about still being in land of the unknown. Around the three-month mark, you’ll redirect your thoughts to a different pathway than you’re currently thinking. The four of cups represents meditation and re-evaluation of your situation. You may have a moment of panic feeling like you have to start over AGAIN, but the tools you’ve learned were meant to be learned so you could get through this. You KNOW you’re not starting over because you have new insights that weren’t even in your reality three months ago (aka now). You may start delving more into spirituality to help you on your journey. This could include going to church more often, researching new religions, picking up tarot, or simply continuing meditation to get a bigger understanding of the world around you.  

6 – The Sun

By six months, you’re going to feel like the sun won’t stop shining. Even on the coldest days, you feel the warmth of the sun because you know you have a purpose. In the time between three months & six months, you’re going to figure something out. Something is going to click and it is going to propel you to work on something great. You’ll feel revitalized, group four, and I think it’s a feeling you’ve been looking for for awhile now.  You’re going to inspire others with your newfound light. You’re going to feel confident expressing yourself (beliefs, needs, ideas, etc.). I’m really happy for you!

12 – Ace of wands, Moonlight (specific to this deck; different from The Moon)

This time next year will truly feel like a new beginning. The sun has set on this particular part of your journey and the moon is coming out to light the next path. While the moonlight is less bright than the sunlight, I think this card is here to represent that, no matter day or night, the universe is here to provide some light even in the darkness. As you look ahead to new opportunities, the unknown doesn’t scare you as much. You know the sun will always rise again and provide you clarity on your path. And you know based on this journey that you’ll always feel the sun’s warmth, no matter what part of the journey you’re on.

[beebotea]

Hewllo!! Id like to drop a msg, i read ur heartsteel kayn's college boy and i adore the little details of his actions u put in ♡!! Id definitely like to see more stories on college boi kayn from you!! ♡

☁️ ˖⁺ academic misfortunes — kayn (heartsteel)

pairing: heartsteel!kayn x f/gn!reader genre: fluff, crack, college!au cw: idk probably ooc, not proofread :0 i.e.: adventures of collegeboy!kayn and his classmate/tutor!reader

aahhh! im so glad you enjoyed it <333 i might do a mini series/collection of drabbles for collegeboy!kayn. please send in any requests or ideas you may have or just thoughts to chat about :DD

spinoff of this post

Kayn isn’t what you’d thought he’d be, to be completely honest. Going off of fancams, fanfics, and the general perception of his character to the public eye, you expected Heartsteel’s lead rapper to be a bit more… cool? Well, at least he certainly tries to come off that way.

However, you quickly learn that Kayn is really just a really, really closeted softie loser boy at best trying to compensate with a big attitude because he thinks edgy is cool or whatever. Of course, he would definitely attempt to murder you if you were to speak of these musings out loud but you couldn’t help but find his off-putting demeanour a bit endearing after a while… something akin to a hyperaggressive chihuahua or a rabid raccoon. But of course, there are other times where you’d wish he’d just fuck off and leave you alone.

“Hey loser.” He calls you from the steps, walking up to where you sit in the lecture hall. “Did you do the homework? Let me copy off of you.” He slides into his usual spot next to yours, throwing his backpack haphazardly on the ground beside him.

“You’re not copying my shit. Fuck off, Kayn.” You roll your eyes at him and continue to read through the slides for today’s class.

“C’mon, have some empathy, yeah? The boys and I had practice all day yesterday.” He was a decent enough liar, but he could have been better if he hadn’t texted you to postpone your tutoring session with a picture of him and Aphelios playing with a random pit bull yesterday instead of attending band practice or completing his homework.

“Kayn, this worksheet was assigned like two weeks ago.”

“So? I had stuff to do two weeks ago!” That part was a bit true; Alune always gave you a copy of the band’s promotion and practice schedule for the month to keep you updated.

It was difficult to refer to him as your friend. You saw him often enough—every day in almost every class. And you’ve worked with him on countless partnered projects by now—he’s only ever able to do work with you (in other words, he scares off anyone who tries to ask you to be in their group or be their partner). But he was always a complete pain in the ass.

When you first became acquainted with Heartsteel’s resident delinquent, you were assigned to be his tutor by one of the department heads at the request of Yone. Begrudgingly accepting the role in exchange for “VIP tickets to all concerts, all inclusive backstage passes at events and shoots, and first dibs to new merch releases,” you began your new job as Kayn’s personal tutor for the various courses he was performing horrendously in. It was by no means smooth sailing when you started. Trying to make plans around his schedule, finding places he wasn’t already banned from to study, getting kicked out of establishments because of his hissy fits at minor inconveniences, and then ultimately agreeing to work at his dorm every weekend instead so you don’t have to hide your face in public. What surprised you the most was how hardworking he actually was when he put his mind to it, even paying attention to your explanations for hours until he could grasp the concept at an intermediate level—or got hungry. What was more was that he even showed rapid improvement, bringing back marks higher than a C- and occasionally reaching the mid to high 70s after a month and a half of beginning his tutoring sessions.

“Okay fine. Just this once, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I promise.” He flashed you a snarky grin as you pushed your papers towards him, pointing out which ones were a bit more difficult to understand and summarising what should’ve been an explanation done during one of your tutoring sessions.

“You really should start focusing up on your work though, you know. Finals is coming up soon and these exercises are really good for preparation.”

When the professor finally dismissed the class, you found yourself waiting behind for the bright haired rapper.

“Aw you waited! That’s cute.” He sent a quick wink your way as he caught up to you.

“Well you said you were gonna give me a ride to your place so.”

“Just had to ruin the moment didn’t you.” He chuckled, ushering you to follow him. “I hope you’re not scared of motorcycles or anything because I finally got Yone to let me ride it.”

“Huh?”

“Now where did I park it… hm let’s see… Oh! Here!” He grabbed you by the wrist to pull you towards a red and black motorcycle decorated on its sides with white flames. “Sooo whatd’ya think?” He nudged your sides as he grinned at you.

“You are not driving me in that.”

“Oh come on, of course I am! I have a license for it and everything!”

“Kayn you’re literally gonna get us killed.”

“Will not! C’mon, don’t you trust me? After everything we’ve been through? When have I ever let you down?”

“Like literally this morning when you cheated off of my worksheets instead of completing them before hand like you said you would.” You rolled your eyes at him, missing the way he pouted at your words.

“I promised it was a one time mistake!” He took two helmets from a storage compartment in the vehicle and shook them in front of your face, hoping that his attempt to show you his knowledge of roadside safety would sway you in the right direction. “So? How about it?”

With a defeated sigh, you agree with a mumbled “fine” as he threw you your helmet and instructed you to get on behind him. He even took the time to emphasize the importance of ‘holding on [to him] really really really tight.’

“See? ‘wasnt so bad was it?” He said as he helped you off the motorbike, lifting you off the seat by the waist. He helped you steady yourself when your feet finally touched the ground. His hand never seeming to leave its place on your hip.

“It was… fine. I guess.” You couldn’t help but give him a small grin, having enjoyed the ride and being so close to him. Kayn seemed to want to say something else until he was interrupted by a voice calling from the window above you.

“Hey! Kayn’s back!” Ezreal’s green head could be seen poking out from one of Heartsteel HQ’s many windows, waving to the two of you below him. “Hurry up inside! Yone made ramen!”

Before he knew it, you bolted past him and through the front door at the promise of Yone’s homemade cooking.

a/n: def down to write more abt this lovesick loser bad boy (please give me more excuses to)

[ahhhwomen]

Plan Set in Motion

Trigger Happy AU

Part 4

Pairing: Dark!Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

A/N: Now things will finally start being put into action, heed the warnings people… Like seriously, I can’t believe I wrote this. This shit is deeply disturbing. (Also please tell me how yall feel about Natasha in this one. ≖‿≖ ) Sorry about the late update, life be wild  ಥ‿ಥ

Disclaimer: English is not my first language. All mistakes are my own.

AU Warnings: Kidnapping, murder, Mommy kink, smut, pet play, death (not main characters), framed murder, violence, drugging, angst, obsession, dub-con/rape-con | Minors DNI 18+

Warnings Part 4: Allusions to heavy pet play, kidnapping, Mommy kink, pure violence, drugging, angst, framed murder, deeply obsessive behavior, a lot of blood, death

Summary: Officer Wanda has waited long enough, it's time for you to be hers. Even if that means getting rid of a few people on the way…

Word Count: 3323

Jessica never came home.

You had been a ball of stress when you woke the next day, after the coach incident. There had been no reply to any of the texts you sent her the day before. You even called her useless boyfriend in the morning, but still, nothing.

Jessica had always been a wild one. She was always trying to drag you into something, whether it be, parties, hangouts, or bizarre new activities. She had lured you into going bungee jumping with her once. She had complained about how no one wanted to try her new thing and how she was sick of going on road trips alone since this thing of hers was 3 hours away. You knew it was a trap, but nonetheless, after a week of complaints, you went with her.

She still makes fun of how she had to drag you out of her car when you saw what she had been insinuating.

One never really knew what she was up to. Yet, you had this feeling deep in your gut that told you to find her.

So that’s what you would do.

When you collided with someone, you had been running out the door, one foot barely in your shoe. Officer Maximoff was paying her visit. You can’t believe it was just this morning, it feels like ages ago, as you lay in the back of her car. Numb.

“Woah there, where are you going pretty girl?” Wanda smirked down at you.

The interview.

In your panicked frenzy, you had completely forgotten. You almost stumbled over yourself as you tried to string a sentence together while pushing past her. Too much was happening, and her arrival had not helped your messy state of mind. “I'm sorry Officer I have to reschedule,” she frowned, “I have to find my friend. So, if you can excuse me I just have to-“ You were almost past her when she repositioned herself in front of you, standing still as steel.

Her hands took hold of your shoulders, squeezing firmly, grounding you. “Calm down,” she fixed you with a stern but comforting look “What was that about your friend?” At the time you didn’t catch onto the malice in her tone as she dragged the word out, ‘friend’.

You know better now.

////

Wanda had been scolded by her commanding officer when she packed up to go interrogate you, especially since she was going without her ‘partner’. They both knew there was no reason to, but Wanda wasn’t going to let some mild annoyance stop her. Not when she was so close to getting what she wanted.

Plus, Jessica`s whining was starting to piss her off, big time.

“I'm just being thorough Romanoff,” Natasha looked unimpressed. They had been good friends since college. When they realized they were complete opposites in all sense but one.

Wanda had been quiet and preserved, while Natasha was the star student and outgoing. Their shared interests came to light when they had been paired up for a project in science.

They were in the middle of discussing two different methods of accomplishing their end goal when Wanda pulled out her notebook to scribble something down. However, it wasn’t until Natasha let out a gasp of surprise that she looked down. She had opened her sketchbook, a book that was filled with drawings from her perverted mind. This time she had opened the page where a woman was withering on the floor with a boot pressing into her chest and a collar around her neck.

Wanda tried to explain in a flurry, but Natasha had stopped her and shared that she had similar interests and that it was nothing to be ashamed of. They had fooled around a little after that, but quickly realized they both wanted submission from their other half and stayed good friends instead.

As they grew older, they both became more corrupt and would often discuss how they wanted to have someone so completely that they couldn’t function without them. To own them no matter the price. It was by chance that they ended up at the same station, but that wasn’t going to stop Wanda from taking advantage of it.

Wanda ran her hands down her jacket as Natasha made her opinion heard with just a simple scrunch of her eyebrows. “Don’t scrutinize me Tash, your just jealous you couldn’t claim her first.” The other redhead sat down on the edge of Wanda's desk. “Please, I haven’t even met the girl, I'm just wondering what could be so special about her to make you do something stupid.” Wanda fixed her with a glance. She knew the other woman found her obsessiveness to be rash, but she didn’t appreciate her tone, and she made it known.

Natasha raised her hands and leaned more into the desk. She may not completely agree with her friend, but she knew better than to anger her. “Fine, but if it doesn’t go according to plan, don’t come crying to me about it.”

Wanda grinned while producing her best puppy dog eyes.

The other woman huffed and pinched her pointer and thumb together between her eyebrows. This was going to give her a headache later, she could feel it. “What do you need?”

/////

You had been driven around for hours, Wanda had insisted she drive, but still nothing. You had looked everywhere, but there was no sign of her. The sun was already on the way down when Wanda said she should stop somewhere to get some food.

You were left in the car to ponder as she went in to order for the both of you.

The nice officer sure was a touchy woman. Throughout the entire day of driving and questioning people, she couldn’t seem to keep her hands off you. Whether it be resting her hand on your thigh while driving or holding you around your waist as you questioned people close to Jessica. You felt a bit guilty for how good it felt. Your friend was missing and yet all your horny brain could think about was how right the officer's touch felt.

You became aware of her presence again when the car door slammed shut.

You looked over, curious as to what she got, she already had her hand outstretched to you. Handing you an order of chicken nuggets from the kid's menu, she began happily eating her salad.

You blushed and let out a quiet “thank you” as she remained unaware of your embarrassment, well that answers why she was so unashamedly touchy. You were nothing but a grown child to this woman.

You grumble a little to yourself as you started eating.

While chewing on your food you look at the woman beside you. You had gathered close to no information about Jessica, but you had learned quite a bit about Wanda today. You figured it was her way of keeping you from spiraling. For every area and person failing to answer your questions, Wanda would talk a little about herself.

It started with you asking her why she was helping you, to that she had just laughed, saying how it was quite literally her job. Then she talked a little about how her work was mostly boring anyways and that she was almost a bit grateful for having something to do. You should probably have been offended by that, your friend was missing and this officer thought it was nothing but a silly mystery game to solve, but you couldn’t help feeling a little better with this information. At least you weren’t boring her.

She then talked about how annoying her work partner was. How “just because we are both single doesn’t mean I want anything to do with him outside of work”. Apparently, he had been trying to get with her since he started a few months prior. You could feel annoyance crawl inside of you, what an asshole.

She mentioned how her twin brother also went missing for a few days when they were younger. Turns out he thought he could live like Tarzan but returned 2 days after leaving because he got hungry. You laughed a little at that. That’s how you learned she was from Sokovia, you would have never guessed given the lack of accent.

She was comforting to be around.

You yawned.

Wanda glanced over at you as you started getting dizzy. Why were you so fatigued all of a sudden? Wanda leaned over to your side, taking away your food and fastening your seatbelt, you tried to get words out, but your mind was jumbled.

What- why wefvj ajsfklroelh….

////////

You wake up slowly. It feels like the world is spinning as you take in your surroundings. You were in your apartment, but it looks nothing like how it should. You have always been a bit of an obsessive cleaner and as much as a dust particle out of place could make you more than a little grumpy, so you can wholeheartedly say it’s never been like this before. Your coach was flipped upside down again, your living room was filled with beer bottles that were mostly empty and there was trash in every corner of the room.

Not only that but you feel really bad, with a headache stronger than anything you have had before and your jaw strangely sore, you become even more confused. When the grogginess begins to fade and sounds are more clear you become alarmed by a muffled voice in front of you.

Jessica.

She’s tied up to a chair, opposite of you, and has a ball gag in her mouth.

What the hell? You try to move around but a voice stops you. “There you go, baby girl.” You whip your head to the side in surprise. Officer Wanda Maximoff is standing to the left of you with a baseball bat in her hands. A baseball bat that you recognize. You had bought it as soon as you moved out, your father had always made sure that you knew how to protect yourself and advised you on getting something for your apartment. It had been left unused underneath your bed as a precaution.

What is happening?

Your mind is still messed up from whatever she must have given you, but you try to speak. “Gulrgh” only for you to gurgle instead. Suddenly the soreness in your jaw makes more sense, and as the rasp of what could only be rope, digs into your wrist and midsection you realized just how dire this situation is.

Wanda chuckles as you struggle against your bounds.

She goes to reach for your chin, but you flinch away. A resounding smack echoes in your tiny apartment. Your ears ring as you right your head up again. Wanda forcibly grabs your face. “I'm sorry honey, but Mommy doesn’t like it when you flinch away from her.” Her tone is condescending as she keeps eye contact with you. A wicked look in her eyes.

“Now,” she turns back and forth between you and Jessica, “I understand this must be very confusing for the both of you so let me clear some things up.”

“You see, ever since I was little I have had this need. It’s a need to protect those lesser than me. It started off as protecting other kids from bullies, but as time went on and I became older, that wasn’t enough.” She sighs as she begins petting your hair, now completely ignoring Jessica as she cries behind her.

“People weren’t worth it, they were ungrateful and always expected more. Until I meet you.” She is speaking directly to you now. You squirm in confusion as you look up at her. What is she talking about? You meet this woman yesterday.

Wanda smiles a sad smile as she sees your uncertainty.

“You were just so helpless and innocent the day I saw you in that coffee shop.” Your eyes widen. What?

“I know you don’t remember baby, don’t worry though Mommy will explain it all later. But first,” the redhead turns around to the other girl

“Mommy needs to take out the trash.”

“For if there is one thing Mommy has never exapted its sluts touching what’s hers.”

You try to scream as Wanda raises the bat high in the air. Jessica goes pale as a ghost while she stares at you. Wanda brings the bat down onto Jessica's thighs. A sickening crunch can be heard as your roommate shrieks behind her gag and her eyes close tightly. Wanda, now happy that she can't run, releases Jessica from the chair letting her drop to the floor.

Wanda raised the bat again, this time bringing it down onto the girl's arms and side. More crunching can be heard.

You try your best to scream for help, but nothing but loud chocks and spit can be heard. You sob as you watch Wanda go ballistic on your only friend.

It's only when Wanda sees the tears you are shedding for this girl that she snaps. If you ask her exactly what she did, she won't be able to say, but anger so primal lights up within her that she can’t control herself any longer.

Wanda makes it her only task in life to break every single fucking bone in this whore’s body.

It's only when blood begins to scatter onto every surface known to mankind that Wanda takes a breather. After a few more swings of the bat, and a good number of choked sobs from Jessica, of course.

You try to tell what she is doing as she stands more fully and walks over to you.

Blood splatter adored your face.

“Oh, my pretty girl,” Wanda says as she wipes a tear away from your bruised cheek with her bloodied hand. “You are so beautiful, even more so when you cry. Come on baby, beg me, beg me to stop.”

You gurgled on your spit around the gag, desperately trying to form words. “Mmm” Wanda moans in a breathy tone, you look delectable when you are helpless.

She brings the bat down on the girl again. And again. And again. And again.

Bones breaking like sticks under her rath makes her feel even better, god she should have done this ages ago. Your pathetic sobs and hiccups in the background is the cherry on top. After a while the bat isn’t enough, she needs to feel her prey in her own two hands. Jessica is long dead, but that doesn’t matter. She wants to cut her to pieces. To trash her body, ruin it, ruin you.

As you try to loosen the rope digging into your wrists, the redhead takes an empty beer bottle from the table. Smashing it into the ground, pieces fly in all directions, you can feel something lodge into your leg. You grind your teeth against the rubber of the gag and sob even harder, but Wanda doesn’t notice. She's holding the broken bottle in her left hand now, while her right, holds up the smashed head of your roommate. Wanda kneels down, towering over the deceased body, she begins carving into Jessica's pale skin.

You want to hurl.

Wanda takes her time, carving a pretty picture into the once face of your friend, she makes sure to sit in such a way that you get a clear view of her doings. If it wasn’t for her instructions to Natasha, she could do this forever. Nonetheless, they will be here soon. Which means Wanda needs to wrap things up.

There is just one more thing.

When Wanda stands up you press yourself as far into your chair as you can. You don’t know who this woman is, but you now know what she can do. And you are petrified. The older woman moves slowly. Like she is trying not to spook a scared animal. You want to kick and scream, even as you sit there frozen, the fucking impudence of this woman. Looking at you like you are the crazy one while her body is covered in the flesh and fluids of your friend.

The stench of the scarlet liquid becomes even more pungent as Wanda leans over you to grab the kitchen knife that lies behind you on your counter. You want to slap yourself for not seeing it sooner. As she inches away from you, she stops halfway. Her knee makes contact with your crotch as she decides to slide against you while dragging the knife slowly down your chest.

Some things can't be helped. When you look at her like that, she has to. You look so perfectly scared, so submissive under her. As she trails the edge of the blade down your stomach, she debates whether or not to take a detour from her plan, but the time on the microwave in your kitchen quickly silences her mind. If she wanted to get you out before they get here, she needs to act quickly.

You let out a relieved sigh around the gag as she gets off of you.

She knows it's overkill, but even after getting you for herself the entire day, the image of the filthy girl's ungrateful hands around your waist has edged itself into Wanda's mind. She doesn’t want her sour feelings toward yesterday's garbage to taint her future with you. With a new vigor to her movement, the redhead paints the ceiling red as she brings the knife down a few rounds.

You sit there in complete silence as you watch Wanda's madness take its true, and hopefully, final form. Your eyebrows feel like they will hit your hairline as silent tears drop faster. Jessica's hands now detached, Wanda drops the knife and stands.

Even as she gets closer you don’t move an inch. Your eyes are stuck on the pile of blood and body parts. What has she done? Who is this woman? Why you? Why don’t you hate her for what she has done to Jessica?

Wanda pities you as she sees the questions that will never be answered swirl around in that small head of yours. She wants to let you be for a little, but no time like the present.

As sirens ring outside your apartment building and heavy boots run up the staircase Wanda cuts you loose. She takes action into her own hands as you seem to have gone inanimate. Gathering you up in her strong arms she makes sure to leave by the fire escape. It’s a bit tricky to get you both through your small bedroom window, but she manages.

She was expecting a fight as she blindfolds you and lays you in the back of her car, but you remain unresponsive. As she closes the door she can see a nasty gash with a piece of glass sticking out on your leg. She cringes a bit while driving home, she definitely overdid it. She vows to herself that she will make up for it after she settles you into your new home.  

Everything will be fine now honey, Mommy is bringing you home.

[lietomevpr]

just keep swimming - ART DONALDSON! short blurb

description- ever since y/n moved in to a new house with a pool, the caretaking of the pool started to take a toll on their schedule and something had to change. their pool company offers to send a pool boy out for maintenance. unfortunately for y/n, he’s blonde and SUCH a charmer. a universe where art probably never went to summer tennis tournaments and instead was a gorgeous pool boy!

warnings- 18+ (vulgar language) but really just so much flirting!! i'll decide later if I want to write smut if you all like this so far :)

•*• *•* •*• *•* •*• *•* •*• *•* •*• *•* *•* •*•

Summer came around again like clockwork. I can tell by the way the sun torches the pavement and the bugs fly around you no matter where you are. I had just moved in about half a year ago, and unpacking has been slow. Usually my Saturday afternoons are for cleaning and organizing, and even clad in shorts and a tee shirt with my hair tied up, I was still sweating. On my pathway to the kitchen, I pass my sliding door window out to the backyard. All I see is my covered up, likely hideous underneath, swimming pool. Annoyance etched my features. I've been avoiding the pool because I just got a new job as well and my schedule has been busier than I ever imagined it being. The idea of chopping off the time to take care of the pool myself this summer seemed like such a hassle. Setting my laundry basket down with a plop, I look up the nearest pool service company and give them a quick call. The representative assured me they’d send out one or two “fellas” out tomorrow, as the gruff old man told me during our conversation. I’ve been swimming all my life. My parents taught me to swim really young, and I continued competitively throughout college. I am as much fish as I am human. It was only natural that when I searched for my own place at 25, I wanted a pool to continue my love for the activity. However, the relief that flew through me when the call was finished was enough to allow me to move to the next room to clean.

THE NEXT DAY was somehow even hotter, if it was possible. Once showered and dressed for the days events, I was making my lunch and watching my comfort show when there was a knock on the door.

“Oh great, those must be the pool cleaners", I thought to myself.

Giving a quick glance at my appearance, I was satisfied with opening the door. Smooth, shaved legs, blue denim shorts, and a yellow tank top with sandals seemed to be appropriate for guests in the back yard to me. Upon opening the door, there are two older aged gentleman a decade or so older than me.

“Hello Ma'am! We’re Marcus and Devin and uh…”

One turns around with eyes squinted from the sun and gestures back to the service van where there is a figure messing around in the trunk with heavy equipment or something.

“That’s Art back there in the van, new intern.” Says Marcus, who I now can see the name tag of.

“Well alrighty! Thanks so much for coming, let me show you out back and assess the damage.” I take them out through the side yard and show them the monstrosity of a chore I've been putting off.

The two gentleman eventually wrestle the pool cover off and look around to see what needs to be done. They're talking amongst themselves, and hopefully it's not too much of a big project. Having an in ground pool was a luxury and I knew it. Thats why I was so appreciative of them coming out. They told me in general how much it was gonna cost, and said they’re ready to start whenever the intern made his way on over.

“Well I will leave you guys to it, knock if you need anything! In a hour or so I might bring out some lemonade for you all, it’s so hot!” I say, shooting them a smile. They beam appreciatively and I set for inside.

Busying myself while people were making loud, machine sounds in my back yard was harder than I thought. I liked to watch it all get done. But in general, watching people out of the window was frowned upon. After I finished eating my sandwich, I decided the best use of my time would be to just veg out in the living room. After roughly three or four episodes of a show pass, I figure it's time to make my signature lemonade and bring it out to them. These gentleman won't know what hit them. I've been complimented on my lemonade recipe before, so I was excited to see the final opinion. Setting four glasses on a wooden tray, I make my way out of the front door and around the side yard, as to not walk right up into their space by using the sliding door. I don't get very far into my backyard before I almost drop the tray of lemonade because I collided abruptly with a body. A warm one. Pool company shirt drenched in sweat, I looked up at the figure obstructing my path. I was met with someone roughly around my age, maybe a year or two younger. A simply gorgeous man, one of paler complexion, but sporting a full, fluffy head of blonde hair. So bright it makes the sun look like a dying flashlight. His eyes were so breathtaking and his lips looked so soft and pink, he was a sight to be had. When he smiled at me before he opened his mouth to apologize, that was even brighter. I step back and laugh sheepishly.

"I am so sorry!" That barely gets out out my mouth because this beautiful pool man standing before me says,

"Holy shit, I am so sorry are you okay?".

He backs up, and gives me a once over. Something that was probably just him making sure I wasn't hurt or covered in ice cold lemonade. But the once over brought out some sort of stirring in me, and I questioned if my outfit was actually okay or not because now it mattered that the man in front of me liked what he saw. The genuine concern in his voice was refreshing to hear though, so I recover from the initial embarrassment.

“Yeah I’m fine, it’s alright! I'm Y/N, Y/L/N, I own the place.” My cheeks blush because now I’ve bumped into the most beautiful man and he’s here to clean my pool. It almost looks like he smirks at my coloration. But it could've been the sun's glare playing tricks on me.

“Lovely pool you got out there ma’am. And yard too while we’re at it.” He wipes the sweat from his forehead with his forearm and sticks that same arm out to shake. Watching a sweaty hardworking man was one of my favorite past times, and the fact that he used the same hand made me insanely hot in the face. His hands in mine feel firm, but respectful.

“I’m... uh, Art Donaldson, by the way. Im the…”

“The intern?” I tease.

He gives a look of panic when he whips his head around and shouts to his older crew mates.

“I told you guys to stop introducing me like that!”

I can hear deep chuckling somewhere in my backyard and I smile at the interaction between the three gentlemen. Art spins back around to me, laughs, and rolls his eyes.

“Sorry about those guys. They mean well of course. I think they’re just jealous of my amazing pool skills. What I was going to say, is that I’m the person who’s going to be doing routine checks once we clean it out completely. Every three weeks I come back without my two friends over there, and I deep clean and treat the water. Or more often, if you want to upgrade your plan. ”

These words weighed on me. This man would be in my back yard by himself and I had the option to make it more often? I would be lying if I said I wasn’t considering it. But having him around so often would be a personal distraction right?

“Well thanks for being my pool cleaner I really appreciate it. I love to swim but I’ve just been so busy lately and I haven’t had the time to maintain it.” I tell the guy, hopefully not looking as upset as I really feel. He looks at me in a way I can’t decipher.

“Don’t worry about it you did the right thing calling us.” He says, offering a stunning smile. Not sure where to go from there, his eyes shoot anywhere but mine it seems, and lands on the lemonade tray in my hand.

“Oh my god please tell me that is for us I am sweating like a dog out here.”

He leans his head over and shakes his blonde curly hair that I am already fond of and I watch as the droplets drip down on my patio brick. My throat hitches at the strange sexiness of the action and I awkwardly cough it out and hand him a glass.

“My speciality! Enjoy.”

He basically chugs it and leaves a cliche and comical "Ahh", after the sip.

"Thank you, it's amazing", he says out of breath from the gigantic sip he took and grins.

"It's just so hot out here ya know?", he spoke softly, lolling his head to the side and glancing up and down at me with a smile that punched me in the gut. Whether he's talking about me or the weather was really up to debate with the look he gave me.

Art looks down at his lemonade, and back at me. Well, back at my tits it feels like.

"Matches your tank top", he says nonchalantly

Then Art grabs the tray from my hands, something I wasn't expecting. When the exchange happens, our fingers brush over one another's. We snap our heads up at the same time and look at each other. The electric jolt of his touch and the comment about my choice in clothing made my brain spin. He smiled to himself, like I wasn't supposed to see that one.

"Let me take these to them for you. See you around Y/N." He turns around but doesn't get far before shouting,

"LEMONADE! GET YOUR FRESH LEMONADE!"

I spin around to go back inside but not before laughing at this energetic, and playful man romping around my yard to give his coworkers my lemonade.

An hour goes by and now that I know what Art looks like, the itch to look out the window was increasingly difficult to resist. Eventually I cave and pull back the curtains slightly and look down at the back yard from my bedroom window and see them out there, standing on the perimeter of the hollow ground. They're almost finished actually, just about ready to turn the water pump on if I had any guess. I spot Art easily, and watch as he lifts up a heavy trailer cart of material away from the pool and to what I assume is the front yard to take to the van. He stops his trek and drops his cart and though I can't hear him too well from the upper floor, it seems as if he lets out an expletive.

"FUCK it's hot." It sounds like.

In a matter of milliseconds, Art's company shirt gets tore off and all that's left is a devastatingly handsome body, covered in sweat from working in the conditions. He looks like can use a dip in the pool himself he's so hot. Nothing could've prepared me for seeing him shirtless in my back yard, but yet here we were. It was bordering on ogling at this point, but the abs to blonde hair ratio nearly made me collapse. I guess I picked the right time to do this because Art looks up at the window AS IF he knew I was watching. His face brightens up at the sight of me, sees where my eyes landed and smiles to himself. Then waves to me with the shirt in hand and I wave shyly back and watch the man return to his journey with the cart of heavy things. I start to tear my eyes away from the window and retreat, pretending I wasn't checking out the man who will be cleaning my pool for the next short while. But not before noticing a boyish smirk placed on his lips as he turns out of vision. Having a beautiful pool boy in my yard was going to be a lot harder than I think I would ever anticipate.

•*• *•* •*• *•* •*• *•* •*• *•* •*• *•* *•* •*•

let me know what you guys think! i wrote it for fluffy long hair art but the gif i chose matched the hot summer day and sweat aspect of this blurb.

•*• *•* •*• *•* •*• *•* •*• *•* •*• *•* *•* •*•

lietomevpr

[comphy-and-cozy]

The Mystery of Love - Andrei Svechnikov

Pairing: college!Andrei Svechnikov x fem!OC

Summary: Boston University senior Vivian Adams is the quintessential Miss Terrier - President of her sorority and star student, with big aspirations waiting for her as soon as she crosses the stage at graduation. What will happen when she gets paired with her ex-boyfriend and BU’s hockey star, Andrei Svechnikov, for the biggest project of her college career? College AU.

Word Count: 11.8K

Author’s Note: I wrote this for @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69 for @antoineroussel’s Winter Fic Exchange! I won’t lie, when I first received my match I had a minor (major) freak out (Demi can confirm). I admire you and your writing so much, Nat, and I was petrified of creating something for someone I think is one of the best writers on this site. Thank you for (unknowingly) challenging me to create something that felt worthy to gift to you. I hope you enjoy!

Huge S/O to Demi for beta-ing, dealing with my thousands of messages, and reminding me to be more confident in myself. And to @suitandtys for her endless support and being a sounding board (+ for the 90210 inspiration). 🖤

Warnings: Language, alcohol use/mention, smut (18+ ONLY), unprotected sex, oral sex (f receiving), some angst, some fluff, brief mentions of/references to anxiety, Greek life themes/mention.

NHL Masterlist / Moodboard

When Vivian Adams met Andrei Svechnikov, she had no idea just how much he would impact her. Sure, he was handsome—anyone could see that—but he was also sweet, charming, and incredibly caring, and he understood her in a way that others couldn’t. He might not have been her “ideal type”, but he certainly became the one that made all of the others irrelevant. 

If she thought about it, it was no surprise how she fell for him as fast as she did. He lived in the dorm building next to hers, discovered at some “Back to School Bash” during their freshman year at Boston University. It was awkward, but so was everyone there, searching for connections to make with people that would very likely shape their college experience as Terriers. 

Vivian stood uncomfortably to the side with her roommate and a few others from their dorm, doing her best to mingle with other nervous freshmen. There were only so many times she could ask, “Where are you from?” and “What’s your major?” before she started to go insane.

But then, a tall, handsome boy approached her to join his volleyball team, gesturing to the sand court behind him. Andrei. All he needed to do was smile, and Vivian was gone. Soon enough, they were meeting for breakfast at the cafeteria, having weekly lunch in between classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays after psych lecture hall, and meeting up to study in the common room of her dorm with their other friends.

The friendship came quickly, and the romance wasn’t far behind. Andrei found comfort in Vivian’s soft smile and innocent nature, while Vivian felt at home in Andrei’s warmth and his inner child. It was like a movie, the pretty girl paired with the athlete, though instead of the football team’s star quarterback, he was a grungy hockey player. Regardless, he certainly had the good looks of the leading man, with prominent muscles and a dimple that could melt anyone’s heart. When Vivian joined a sorority and began climbing the social ranks of Terrier Nation, having a handsome athlete for a boyfriend certainly didn’t hurt her standing.

Their relationship made it through the summer, a difficult distance since Andrei went back to Russia to spend time with his family. Through regular video calls and frequent texts, they maneuvered the time difference as well as they could have, trying to enjoy their breaks while still looking forward to when they could be together again in Boston.

Despite the familiarity of campus and routines, fall semester of their sophomore year brought new challenges: more advanced classes, an Alpha Zeta leadership position, a part time job, and heightened expectations of a big year for BU men’s hockey. Andrei and Vivian carried the wisdom of sophomores who had learned lessons the previous year, but still had the naïveté of 19-year-olds navigating their newfound freedom. Their reunion after a summer apart was wonderful, but the feeling was short lived.

Between the hockey schedule, extracurricular obligations, and their regular coursework, Andrei and Vivian struggled to find free time to spend together. More often than not, their schedules conflicted; when Andrei was free, Vivian had class; when Vivian had a break, Andrei had practice. It became increasingly frustrating, only having time together at night, and even then, Andrei often fell asleep moments after his head hit the pillow.

Change was inevitable, but that didn’t mean they weren’t dreading it. 

The day they broke up was dark. Literally. It was storming outside, rain falling in heavy sheets as students ran for cover under their umbrellas and the awnings of campus buildings. Having forgotten her umbrella that day, Vivian got back to her dorm room drenched. With a rare two free hours before her herNetwork (an organization for women in business) meeting, she planned to take a nap before heading early to the library to knock out an assignment, but was instead met with Andrei waiting anxiously at her dorm.

Truthfully, Vivian had been feeling distant from Andrei, too, but genuinely hadn’t had any time to think about it between her Alpha Zeta obligations, planning the herNetwork fundraiser, and heading into the last stretch of the semester before winter break. Andrei was equally busy with travel, his season in full swing, along with keeping up with the rest of his schoolwork, but he couldn’t deny that the distance from Vivian was tearing him apart.

It wasn’t what she expected when she saw him, dark circles under his eyes and an uneven, patchy shadow of hair growing along his jawline. But as he sat on the edge of her bed, sadness in his eyes, it was both of their hearts that broke that day.

In the end, it was a mutual decision; not for lack of love, but simply due to the rift that had grown between them as their other responsibilities took priority. Andrei held her as she cried, staining his faded BU Hockey t-shirt with her tears. Their last hug was warm, but bittersweet, as Vivian did her best to soak in the last traces of his cologne on her sweatshirt.

Vivian wasn’t bitter, or even regretful; the only thing she regretted was that it hadn’t worked out. Andrei was such a kind, wonderful person, humble despite having every reason not to be, and she knew he’d have success wherever he went. Truth be told, she hadn’t really thought much about their future, past their wonderful BU bubble, but after they broke up, she realized how different their paths were. Andrei was destined to be an NHL star, while Vivian would surely make Forbes’ 30 Under 30 list at some point. Their lives just didn’t mesh – and she had to come to terms with that.

Two years later, Vivian was in the last semester of her senior year, fulfilling and exceeding every expectation set in front of her. President of her sorority and herNetwork, star student, expecting to graduate summa cum laude with a double major in Business and Finance and undoubtedly multiple full-time job offers, Vivian Adams was the quintessential Miss Terrier. 

Andrei was also in his last semester, though his college career had taken him on a much different path, focused almost solely on hockey. Drafted by the Carolina Hurricanes, he hoped to have a record senior season before heading to Raleigh to live out his dream of playing in the NHL. The Bachelor’s degree in Business was just a backup, a safety net, should things not work out. But, given that he was a shoe-in for the Hobey Baker and already expected to be a Calder finalist in his first season, his future seemed all but cut out for him.

As their social circles had drifted apart over time, Vivian and Andrei didn’t see each other much, the run-ins at bars and parties less than frequent but not entirely nonexistent. Their ties to the business school kept them in each other’s lives, albeit on the fringes, often passing each other in the hallways on the way to class. Though they rarely spoke outside of the occasional smile or wave, they had a few classes together over the years, a familiar comfort having him in the back of the classroom.

So, Vivian wasn’t overly surprised to walk into her capstone class to find Andrei already seated in the last row, scrolling on his phone. She settled into her own spot, across the room from him, just out of habit, though she offered a small smile when he looked up from his phone and saw her looking at him. 

‘Nervous’ wasn’t quite the proper word to use to describe how she felt about her capstone class, but it was close. As she listened to Professor Janes explain the partnered project, she became increasingly anxious and excited to get started. An intimidating semester-long project, surely the biggest one of her college career, it included bidding for company-sponsored projects with varying focuses ranging from marketing to strategy to operations, all ultimately culminating in a presentation of the proposal and recommendations in front of the company’s executives at the end of the semester. No doubt a successful presentation could result in a potential job offer, or at the very least, very crucial networking for a young professional about to head into the real world. In short, a lot of close personal time with whoever she was paired with, and a lot riding on their mutual partnership. 

Then, add in the fact that Professor Janes mentioned she’d be assigning partners rather than letting them select their own, an additional layer of suspense tacked on. Her justification was, unfortunately, sound, being that they wouldn’t have the luxury of picking their teammates and coworkers in the ‘real world’, and it was important to learn how to work with someone you may not know very well.

Fortunately—or unfortunately—for Vivian, she knew her assigned partner a little too well and nearly dropped her phone when she received the email from Professor Janes later that week. She read it over three separate times, part of her in disbelief when she saw her partner’s name listed beside hers.

Adams, V. / Svechnikov, A.

Then she saw his name pop up in a text, and she knew it was real.

[Andrei Svechnikov:] Well this is gonna be fun [Andrei Svechnikov:] Should we meet for coffee to talk about it? [Andrei Svechnikov:] The project, I mean

With a deep breath, Vivian’s eyes traced over his name in her phone, a brief but powerful rush of memories flying through her. Somewhere along the way—she didn’t remember when—she’d changed his name from ‘Drei 💖’ to his full name, sans emoji. Looking at it now, so formal and impersonal, it made her heart ache just a little bit.

[Vivian:] Brian’s at 2pm tomorrow?

January 

Coffee wasn’t awkward, but it was the first time they’d spent real time together since they broke up two years prior. To Andrei, Vivian had only gotten more beautiful in time, her confident nature making her even more attractive as she’d grown up; seeing her up close only solidified his thought with her long, dark hair cascading over her shoulders. She still wore the same perfume—wafting into his senses even from afar as she approached—and Andrei had to distract himself from the rush of feelings that flooded his system at the scent by waving to a friend passing by behind her. 

“Some project, huh?” he asked, watching her slide into the high-top stool across from him. 

Vivian glanced at him and shook her head in disbelief. “It’s an awesome project. Real world problems for real world companies—it’s such good exposure. It’s just also, you know, kind of petrifying at the same time, for the same reason.”

“I’m paired up with the smartest girl in the program,” he grinned. “I know I’m gonna be fine.”

Vivian rolled her eyes, brushing off his compliment. “You’re smart, too, Andrei.”

“I’m a hockey player,” he said with a shrug. “I’m only as smart as I need to be, and as long as it doesn’t interfere with competing for the Natty.”

“Andrei, this is the most important project of our lives. I need you to be as smart as possible, not only as smart as you need to be. You may already have your next step laid out for you, but I don’t have that luxury. Not all of us can be prospects for an up-and-coming NHL team.”

His eyebrow quirked, amused at her worry. “You know about that?”

He watched Vivian’s eyes widen slightly, shifting uncomfortably as she admitted to following news about Andrei even after they’d broken up. She cast her eyes down, thumb running along the seam of the cardboard sleeve on her coffee cup, as if searching for an excuse. “It’s hard not to know.”

“But you still did your research. The Canes aren’t even in the Bruins’ division.” He grinned again, pleased with her admission and the knowledge that she’d gone out of her Boston bubble to investigate his future plans. “You looked me up!”

With a roll of her eyes, she nudged his leg with her foot. “Shut up. Of course I did.”

Feigning pain, Andrei grabbed his ankle with both hands, giving a dramatic cry. “Ouch! You better be more careful around these superstar legs.”

“Can we talk about the project now?” she sighed, shaking her head at his antics. Andrei conceded, though he noticed the small smile that played at the corner of her lips as she pulled her laptop out of her bag, pleased at his ability to still make her laugh.

February

After selecting their project—a review of an eCommerce site’s operations and subsequent marketing plan—it was easy for Vivian to morph into planning mode, creating a project timeline and documenting each necessary step to get there. From there, they worked together to divvy up the work, scheduling weekly meetups at the library to review and discuss their findings and any hiccups. 

Andrei was unexpectedly easy to work with, accepting the pieces she assigned him without complaint. Sure, he was still more committed to hockey than the project, but he still managed to complete his work (almost always by the deadline), and usually with minimal nudging on her end. He was a hard worker, always had been; she saw it every time he stayed late after practice to work on his one-timer, or the time he spent studying at the library, his thermos of tea gone cold beside him while he worked on his flashcards. He was smarter than she remembered, too, certainly not relying solely on her brain but contributing his own valuable insight and analysis to the project, even pointing out a hiccup she would have otherwise missed.

A lot had changed in two years, but Vivian was surprised to find that many things stayed the same, too.

Andrei still had the same endearing laugh, the one that made his Adam’s apple bob in his throat, and the same goofy sense of humor and positive attitude that she fell in love with. He still stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth when he concentrated hard, and sometimes still muttered to himself in Russian when reading an English article. 

Vivian was equally surprised that he still remembered her coffee order. About three weeks into their weekly library meetings, he started bringing a fresh cup for her—iced, with toffee nut syrup and a splash of almond milk—occasionally adding something different, like cold foam or an extra pump of vanilla syrup. It was a sweet gesture, something she continually offered to pay for, that he would wave off and smile, saying ‘it was the least he could do’ because she was the one keeping the project afloat.

Mostly, Vivian was startled by how easily she fell back into stride beside him. Things were different; she’d changed, and so had he, but the foundation of their relationship was still strong, having weathered the storm of time. While part of her felt like she was getting to know him all over again, there were parts of her that felt like she was reuniting with an old friend—and in some ways, she supposed, she was.

Having Andrei thrust back into her life wasn’t something she was expecting, and she was unprepared for how having him in such close proximity would affect her. Though they were amiable, she tried to keep him at arm’s length out of pure precaution, keeping the majority of conversation about the project and surrounding schoolwork. But, of course, it was only inevitable that there were extra details thrown in now and again; a synopsis of his latest game, his brother’s success in the NHL, his upcoming Finance exam. 

As the weeks went on, she began to piece together the parts of him that she’d missed, adjusting to the way it felt to have him reclaim a regular place in her life. The details of him that she’d forgotten, like his missing tooth and the way his hair flipped out slightly at the ends when it got long, came trickling back into her conscience, unexpected but not entirely unwanted.

On the nights where their project work went late, Andrei would walk her home, refusing to let her walk on campus alone at night. They’d laugh, tell stories, joke around about the crush Andrei had on Professor Janes. It was subtle, patient, slow in the way the rift between them began to shrink, a small but crucial crack in the hardened shell around their hearts. 

The project itself was going swimmingly. It was everything else surrounding the project that was confusing.

Andrei was deep in an article about eCommerce operations, Vivian typing away across from him, when the buzzing of Andrei’s phone startled them both. With a glance at the screen, Andrei grimaced when he saw his Coach’s name appear. Sending an apologetic glance in Vivian’s direction as he stood, he stepped toward the door to take the call in the hallway.

“Hey, Coach. I’m at the library. What—?”

“I just got the midterm reports, Svechnikov. A ‘D’ on your Finance exam?”

Andrei’s eyes closed and he sighed, bringing a hand to his temple. “I know, it was a bad exam.”

“I don’t have to remind you what failing your classes looks like for both this team and your future.”

“I know, Coach. I hear you.”

There was an edge of empathy in the otherwise cool frustration of his Coach’s voice. “I understand that it can be difficult to juggle school and sports, but the rest of your teammates are doing just fine.”

Andrei choked out a weak I’m trying, doing his best not to give his Coach unnecessary attitude.

“Get a tutor if you have to. Playoffs are only a month away, and I need you to have your shit together. Okay?”

“Okay,” Andrei sighed.

“I’m serious, Svechnikov.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“Okay. See you at practice later.”

“Yeah. See you.”

With another frustrated sigh, Andrei hung up the phone and ran a hand through his hair while he composed himself. When he moved back toward the door, he noticed that it was cracked open and prayed that Vivian couldn’t hear his conversation. 

“Everything okay?” she asked once he came back in, not glancing up as she continued typing on her laptop.

“Yeah,” he smiled, settling back into his seat and returning his attention to his own laptop screen, though he couldn’t bring himself to resume his article perusal, staring blankly at the cursor on his document. 

There was a moment of pause as Andrei assumed Vivian bought his lie, his Coach’s voice echoing in his head. Then, her voice broke the silence. “Does your coach always call you to ask about your exams?” 

Andrei’s eyes shot to hers, a mix of surprise and embarrassment flooding his body as he realized she’d heard the conversation. Fuck.

“It’s nothing,” he said with a half smile, attempting to brush off the encounter nonchalantly.

“Andrei,” Vivian said softly. The warmth in her brown eyes told him that she saw right through him, just like she always did.

There was another pregnant pause as he debated if he should open up, a pivotal turning point in their relationship coming upon him all at once. Something unseen inside of him pushed him to go on, and reluctantly, he admitted, “My grades are… bad. If I fall below a 2.6 GPA, I’ll be on academic probation and I can’t play.”

“What are you at?”

“2.74.”

Vivian was unable to stop the sharp intake of breath at his confession, which caused Andrei to look at his lap bashfully. He wrung his hands together, twisting them as he sat in his discomfort and shame, embarrassed in front of his ex-girlfriend who had only ever received one ‘C’ in her life. It was a miracle she’d ever been interested in him, the dumb jock, in the first place, only logical for the smartest girl in school to move on to someone bigger and better than him.

“I’m working on it,” he said quickly, in defense of himself. “It was just a bad exam. I’m shit at Finance. It’ll be fine.”

She didn’t have to say anything, instead watching him understandingly, reading right through his confident facade. Her eyebrows raised, silently telling him she knew he was feeding her bullshit, and before he knew it, the words were spilling out of his mouth, a confession of his guilt and worry for his future. He had made the decision to stay in school, finish his degree before heading to the NHL despite the fact that he would’ve been eligible after his junior year. He felt like a failure, delaying his hockey career to get a degree that, at that point, he wasn’t even sure he was capable of getting, afraid of flunking out before the semester’s end—in which case, all of it would have been a waste.

“I’ll help you.”

“You what?”

“I’ll help you. I can tutor you.”

“Viv, you don’t have to—”

“Andrei,” she said firmly, “my grades are tied to yours now. If you’re not doing well, then I’m not either.”

“But Alpha Zeta, and—”

“We’re already here together once a week. It’s not a big deal to add on some homework, too.”

She had a point. And she was one of the smartest in his class, majoring in Finance. It really would only just be a little extra help here and there. If he was being honest with himself, it would be silly for him to decline. 

His eyes held with hers, searching desperately for the words he could use to thank her. Nothing came, only jumbled bits of Russian and English that would surely not make any sense if he said it out loud, so instead he stood up, crossed the room, and engulfed her in a hug. She seemed taken aback, but she relaxed once he gave her a tight squeeze, a hug that was reminiscent of the last one they’d shared together two years ago.

“Thank you, Viv.”

March Tutoring Andrei came natural to Vivian, a fond parallel to all of the times they had spent studying together freshman year in her dorm. What’s more, she found herself looking forward to their study sessions—she intentionally used that term rather than ‘study date’—though she told herself it was because they were finally seeing tangible progress on the capstone project, and it felt good.

She didn’t know why she offered, or what made her blurt it out as soon as the thought arrived in her brain. She only knew that she felt an overwhelming urge to help him, to not let him fail his dreams—even if a Bachelor’s degree ranked second on that list. 

Sure, she liked the ego boost that came from being smart enough to tutor someone else, but the more they met, the more she learned that she liked Andrei best when it was just them two in a study room, free to be himself without the outside pressures of the world. Out there, he was expected to be something, as was she, but being alone with him reminded her of the Andrei she used to know and the late nights they’d spent talking about dreams and goals and aspirations in the comfort of her dorm room.

As the semester progressed, Thursdays became Vivian’s favorite day of the week. Having only two classes and a large break between them, she was typically able to get caught up on the majority of her work. Surely, it was the rewarding sense of accomplishment that made her love Thursdays and had nothing to do with the fact that Thursdays were also her weekly meetings with Andrei.

Yeah, sure, they often ended up staying at the library late into the night, chatting as they worked on the project or his latest Finance assignment. And, sure, sometimes she’d feel his eyes lingering on her when he bid her goodbye. But those were minor details, obviously. Vivian certainly didn’t look forward to hearing the sound of Andrei’s laugh and the way his dimple lit up his entire face when he smiled. And she definitely didn’t like the way he felt sitting beside her, the way his arm would sometimes brush against hers when she’d lean over to look at his textbook. 

No, Andrei absolutely, positively, had nothing to do with why Thursdays had grown on her.

The weekend before spring break was always a big party weekend, and this year, Pi Kappa Lambda’s “Life’s a Beach” party was the hot event of the season. Despite not having enough time in his schedule to formally rush and commit to a fraternity, Andrei was close with many of the Pi Kap brothers, and it had become the unofficial athletic fraternity. Needless to say, Andrei had the date marked for weeks. Pregaming at the hockey house with Jimmy Buffett on blast, he was excited for a highly-anticipated evening of drinking and debauchery.

Andrei was talking with a teammate when a group of girls walking in caught his attention. He wasn’t surprised to see Vivian there—Pi Kap was one of the top fraternities on campus, and while he had never really bought into the whole ‘social tier’ thing, he understood the importance of appearances at these types of functions. She looked good, he thought, with her safari hat, Hawaiian shirt, and those cutoff shorts that displayed her perfect legs. 

Vivian didn’t seem to notice him, engrossed in greeting her friends, but he continued to watch from across the room, admiring her commitment to the theme and, of course, the way her unbuttoned shirt gave him a view of the slope of her breasts. The more Malibu he consumed, the better she looked, unable to stop himself from glancing back over at her even as he made conversation with other people. He never approached her–partially because he was a little too inebriated to say anything that didn’t involve her tits–but, really, he was just content to watch from afar, observing the infectious impact she had on everyone around her.

Unfortunately, that also meant that he had to begrudgingly watch when she began to dance with a guy—some junior-frat-rat with a disgusting mustache on his upper lip. Andrei gritted his teeth as he watched his slimy hands make their way onto her hips, toying with the frayed end of her cutoff shorts in the way that he would have if she was still his girl. 

Andrei didn’t really know the guy—Derek, he thought his name was—but he knew for a fact that he didn’t deserve her, wouldn’t treat her the way she deserved to be treated. Did he even realize who he was dancing with? 

Had he been sober, Andrei probably would’ve written it off as two people dancing at a party, harmless, most likely meaningless. But he wasn’t sober, and Drunk Andrei was convinced that Dirty Derek would be popping the question anytime, and it drove him mad, his fingers itching to wipe that smug mustache off his face. 

Fortunately, Drunk Andrei was also smart enough to know not to interfere–or maybe it was his Coach’s voice in his head warning him not to do anything stupid before the playoffs. Either way, Andrei kept to himself and his rapidly depleting mixed drink. He’d had his opportunity with Vivian, and had thrown it away just as easily; it was his burden to bear, not hers, left to muddle whatever his feelings were for her alone.

So, instead of wallowing in his own pity, he turned his attention to the pretty blonde girl who had been flirting with him all night. Like any other 20-something-year-old boy, it was all too easy for him to forget about his long lost lover in a great pair of tits. As he kissed her, his tongue wrestling with hers against the dirty wall of the frat house, the coconut rum impairing his system was just enough to allow him to imagine she was Vivian.

April

The sound of buzzing didn’t quite wake her, but the sound of her phone falling on the floor certainly did. Startled, it took Vivian a moment to recognize that her phone was, in fact, ringing. With a groan, she heaved herself out of her cocoon and leaned out of her bed to grab the phone, an unfamiliar number flashing across the top.

Vivian silenced it, wondering briefly why they were calling in the middle of the night, and figuring whoever it was would leave a voicemail if it was really important. Glancing at the time—1:17am—she sighed in frustration when she calculated she’d only been asleep for 2 hours before being interrupted by a call that wasn’t even important. Annoyed didn’t quite do it justice.

But then the ding on her phone alerted her to a voicemail. All she had to see was “Andrei Svechnikov” on the transcription before she was hurriedly pressing the phone to her ear.

Five minutes later, she was shoving on some boots and a coat before jumping into her car to drive to the campus security office.

The parking lot was almost empty, save for the handful of campus security vehicles. When she walked inside, Vivian’s eyes connected with a blonde woman behind the desk, glancing up at the sound of the door. 

“Hi, are you Ms. Evans?” 

She nodded. “Is Andrei okay?”

“He’s alright, just had a few too many,” she explained, causing a wave of relief to rush over Vivian. She’d process what that meant later. “One of our guys found him stumbling alone and picked him up. He’s over 21, so he won’t be charged with anything; we just wanted to make sure he got home safe.”

Vivian nodded in understanding, thankful for once that campus security was doing their job—she remembered the times she’d dreaded seeing their vehicles pulling up to parties when she was younger, having to slip out of a back window more times than she’d care to count. She sat as she waited for one of the security officers to retrieve Andrei from one of the back rooms, also thankful that they’d kept their hockey team’s star player hidden from public view while he was obliterated.

The tall Russian stumbled into view, his arm sloped over an officer’s shoulder as he helped walk him down the hallway. Vivian grimaced, noting Andrei’s bright red cheeks and disheveled hair. If she had to guess, she’d bet it was Jose Cuervo that did him in; tequila always made him lose his mind. 

“Viv!” he shouted excitedly, a bright smile lighting up his face when he saw her waiting in the lobby. “You here! Did you get invite to party, too?”

She shared an amused glance with the officer before saying, “Yeah, Andrei. I got invited to the party, too. But it’s over now, so we have to go home, okay?”

Blowing a raspberry in disappointment, Andrei pouted, but agreed. “Ohhhh-kay Viv. If you say so.”

Vivian thanked the officer for helping her six-foot-something ex-boyfriend into the passenger seat of her car, set up with a spare towel just in case he couldn’t make it home without getting sick. 

“Andrei,” she said to him once his seat belt was fastened firmly against his broad chest. “Do you have your keys?”

“You so pritt… ty,” he replied, slumping over against the window, the coolness a relief against his warm skin. Vivian did her best to ignore the compliment, writing it off as drunken nonsense.

“Andrei,” she repeated, more stern this time. “Are your keys in your pocket?”

“Why? You–” Hiccup. “–you comink over?”

Vivian took a deep inhale in, swallowing her frustration before she turned to look at him. “Andrei, you need to go home. Can you get into your house? Do you have your keys?”

Whether it was the firmness of her tone or the look in her eyes, something about her third attempt made Andrei swallow thickly, blinking slowly as his hands fumbled around his pockets. Her heart sank when his hands came out empty, a frustrated sigh leaving her mouth. Back to her place it was.

Andrei mumbled mostly nonsensical Russian as she drove back to her apartment, drifting in and out of silent moments as he’d doze off. The few moments of sleep he got seemed to help only slightly as she helped get him out of the car, legs nearly buckling under his weight as she helped get him inside. 

It was only after she stepped into the living room that she realized she had a decision to make. Her bedroom was upstairs, the couch downstairs. Technically, her ensuite bathroom was much closer to her bed than the ½ bath on the main floor was to the couch, plus she knew she wouldn’t be able to hear him getting sick if he stayed downstairs.

So, begrudgingly, Vivian steered Andrei toward the stairs, thanking the powers above when he began to put one foot in front of the other to climb them. She barely had time to think about how he hadn’t been inside her bedroom since they broke up two years prior. Now with a different mattress and a different bedspread—she’d upgraded to a larger mattress once she moved into an off-campus apartment—the thought that Andrei hadn’t ever been in this bed briefly flitted across her mind before he was stumbling forward into it, falling face first into the pillow. It wasn’t exactly what she envisioned when she thought about Andrei in bed—not that she thought about that, either. Not that often, at least.

Based on the instant snoring, Vivian assumed he’d cashed out for the night, and entirely dead weight, he’d be impossible to move. So, she retrieved the small trash can in her bathroom and set it next to him, moving his head to the side in case he did get sick in the middle of the night. She tugged off his shoes and pulled an extra blanket over him since he’d fallen on top of the comforter. 

Thankful that her housemates were all asleep—not wanting to deal with explaining why her ex-boyfriend was asleep in her bed—Vivian retrieved an extra glass of water, along with a few extra Tylenol from the cabinet to set on the nightstand beside him. She tugged off her own coat and shoes before crawling into bed, unfamiliar with the dip he created in the mattress.

“Viv?”

The sound of his slurred voice and thick accent startled her, surprised that he was still conscious. 

“Hm?”

“Did you kiss him?”

“Kiss him? Kiss who?”

Andrei was silent for so long that Vivian thought he’d fallen back asleep. “D… Derek.”

“Derek?”

“From party... Beach party.”

The memory came flooding back, her vodka-infused night at Pi Kappa Lambda a few weeks back blurry but still recollectable. She didn’t know he’d seen her indulging in the warm touch of her dance partner, but what Andrei didn’t know was that though she was dancing with Derek, it was flashes of a tall Russian that filled her mind, imagining it was him running his hands along her sides. And when her fleeting sobriety returned to her in flashes, and she realized it wasn’t Andrei, she couldn’t bring herself to go home with him despite the throbbing need between her legs. 

“No, I didn’t kiss him, Andrei.”

Andrei hummed. “Good.”

Despite her foggy memory, Vivian couldn’t ignore the pang she felt in her heart as the image of Andrei kissing the pretty blonde Delta Phi in the corner, his lips no doubt working their sinful magic against hers. How could Andrei be bothered by her dancing with someone when he’d been doing the same with another girl?

“But you kissed that girl.”

He hummed again, this time accompanied by a loose wave of his hand. “Yeah. But was finkink… was finking ‘boutchu.”

In the pause that followed, as she tried to process what Andrei had said, the end of his sentence was soon punctuated with a loud snore. Not that she would have even known what to say to begin with, confused, disappointed, and relieved all at once. As she listened to his uneven but deep breathing, she pondered his words in his head until she fell asleep, the warmth from his body shielding her from the cool air in the room.

The next morning, she awoke to the sound of Andrei groaning loudly. What she saw when she opened her eyes, though, was not what she expected. Somewhere in the middle of the night, he’d stripped off his sweatshirt and his shirt, his chest entirely bare save for the familiar silver cross that hung from his neck. Before she could stop herself, her eyes were trailing down the muscles of his pecs, down the line of his abdomen, admiring that he was in even better shape than he had been when they were together. 

Fortunately, Andrei didn’t notice, instead busy rubbing his eyes and wincing at the movement. “Oh, fuck. Feel like got hit by truck.”

His accent and lack of pronouns were endearing, and she nodded toward the glass beside him. “There’s water and some medicine on the table. You should take it.”

With his eyes still closed, Andrei mumbled a thank you, groping blindly for the pills. Instead of grabbing them, though, he knocked the glass over, spilling water all over her nightstand and the floor. “Fuck. M’sorry.”

With a sigh, Vivian heaved herself out of bed, grumbling under her breath as she went to retrieve a towel. She refilled his glass with water from the faucet, thrusting the cup into his hands a little more forcefully than she intended. 

For a moment, the only sound in the room was that of him gulping down half of the glass, quenching only a portion of the Hungover Drought in his mouth. Breathing heavily, he laid his head back and shut his eyes tightly.

“Did we… ?”

Vivian resisted the urge to laugh, instead raising her eyebrows in an amused way. “You could barely walk, let alone make any specific body parts function.”

He hummed, then, “What happened?” 

“I don’t know. You had a lot to drink. I got a call from campus security at one in the morning to come pick you up.”

Andrei shut his eyes again; whether he was racking his brain for a memory, or willing away his hangover, she wasn’t sure. He let out a deep groan, the kind that she could practically feel the vibrations from.

“Come on,” she urged, nudging his shoulder gently. “Can you stand up? I’ll take you back to your apartment. By the way, you lost your keys.”

Andrei groaned loudly, fumbling in his pockets before he let out another. “Fuck, I lost my phone, too.”

“It’s over here, charging. It was almost dead last night,” Vivian explained, unplugging it and handing it to him. With one eye open, Andrei squinted at the screen to send a text to his roommates to see if someone could let him in.

They sat in silence for a moment, Andrei’s eyes closed tightly as he did his best to will away his hangover. Vivian listened to the sound of his breathing, doing her best not to glance at the way the muscles in his core rippled as he breathed. 

“Viv,” he said softly, glancing at her as if afraid of how she’d answer. “No one’s answering.”

With a heavy sigh, Vivian rolled her eyes and threw her head back in frustration. “Of fucking course they’re not.”

“It’s not my fault!”

“You’re the one who lost your keys and got yourself in this situation,” she shot back, standing up. 

“Where you going?” 

“If you’re going to stay here, you might as well shower. Might help you feel better. Hopefully they’ll answer by the time you’re done so I can get on with my day.”

“If you’re going to be so cranky, why did you even come last night?” he asked.

“Because I got a call from campus security at one in the morning, Andrei. Scared the shit out of me. I thought you were dead or something, but instead you were just obliterated out of your mind. Great time to get belligerently drunk, by the way, two days before our presentation. You should be grateful they didn’t charge you with public indecency or something.”

“Oh, yeah, because I definitely got picked up on purpose–”

Vivian scoffed, rolling her eyes. She tossed the towel at him, purposefully covering up his bare chest so she didn’t have to keep looking at it. 

“Why did you even have them call me? I’m not your–” she swallowed the word girlfriend, “– you have other friends. Teammates.”

It was Andrei’s turn to scoff, ignoring her question in favor of sitting up and pausing for a moment to let the lurching in his skull subside. She watched his long fingers massage his temples, though she knew it wasn’t helping by the way his brows furrowed on his forehead.

“I didn’t tell them to call you,” he finally said. “They called because you’re still my emergency contact.”

“I’m what?”

He shrugged. “My parents and brother obviously aren’t here. I just never changed it.”

Vivian didn’t know if she was touched, or annoyed, or sad—or maybe all of the above. At the end of the day, she had still dropped everything to make sure he was safe; would always come if he needed her to. No matter what she did, she couldn’t deny that she cared about him, deeply.

As he showered, she pondered what all of it meant. And when she dropped him off, making sure he was safely inside his house before driving off with a wave, it hit her so hard she had to pull over on the side of the road.

She wasn’t sure if it was a still, or an again, the details not mattering much. All she knew is that she was in love with Andrei Svechnikov. 

While everyone else was preparing for the end of the semester and exam season, Andrei’s season was approaching its peak as BU prepared for the Frozen Four. As anticipated, his name had been announced as one of the three finalists for the Hobey Baker, adding an additional layer of pressure to his game. Although he already had been drafted and had his future in front of him, he couldn’t deny that it’d be extremely flattering to win the award—but he’d trade it without a second thought if it meant he could raise the championship trophy with his teammates.

The increased training meant less time to study and complete his homework, which also meant less time with Viv—though, as their presentation day grew closer, their communication amped up naturally. Andrei found that he was willing to put off the rest of his work in favor of focusing on the project, in part due to it being such a large portion of his grade, but largely because he couldn’t stand the thought of disappointing Vivian. 

Before he knew it, presentation day had arrived. Andrei made Vivian promise that she’d get a good night’s sleep—and she claimed she did, though Andrei noticed that she’d made changes to the slideshow at 12:06am, no doubt combing through every inch one last time.

They were driving together to CyberComm’s headquarters, a large high-rise in downtown Boston. Andrei met at Vivian’s apartment, waiting patiently while she checked her bag to ensure the flash drive with the extra copy of the presentation was tucked safely in the pocket. As he waited, he smiled when he noticed the vase of flowers sitting on the kitchen table; a ‘thank you’ he’d sent after the campus security fiasco. He also couldn’t help but notice that although Vivian was dressed professionally, he was pleased that her attire revealed the slightest sliver of skin on her chest, instantly reminding him of the cleavage he’d caught a glimpse of at the Pi Kap party. 

Vivian drove to the office, allowing Andrei to continue casting glances at her as she navigated traffic. His eyes slid over the shape of her lips, the dip of her nose, the way her dark hair spilled over her shoulders in luxurious curls—the ones that, in his opinion, always made her look like a model. She was beautiful.

Not that his opinion on the way she looked had ever wavered, even after they broke up. He had always thought she was pretty, and had since the first time he saw her during freshman orientation—it was half the reason he’d asked her to join his volleyball team. But something about the way the sun lit up her skin, casting a glow over her made his heart beat just a little bit faster. She was confident in herself, but not cocky; essentially, everything he aspired to be as an athlete. Even two years removed from their relationship, Vivian was still inspiring him to be a better person.

Once they arrived at the office, Vivian checked in at the front desk. While they were waiting for Sherry, the Executive Assistant to the CEO, to retrieve them in the lobby, Andrei’s nerves began to kick in. They sat in silence, Andrei running through his script in his head until the warmth of Vivian’s palm on his leg brought him back to reality.

She offered a smile that reassured him, only just then realizing his leg had been bouncing as he waited in his nerves. His heart raced, though he wasn’t sure if it was from the sight of a woman walking toward them, or from the touch of Vivian’s hand on his thigh. Either way, he didn’t have time to think about it, for the woman approaching them introduced herself as Sherry, offering to show them upstairs.

Sherry led them to a conference room with a long oak table and floor-to-ceiling glass walls, like an office straight out of Succession. Andrei admired as he watched Vivian channel her sorority recruitment charm as they were introduced to the CEO, VP of Sales, VP of Marketing, and VP of Operations. Vivian, he knew, was doing her best to ignore their decorated titles and the weight riding on making a positive impression; if she was as nervous as he was, she didn’t show it. Professor Janes sat on the other side of the table, offering an encouraging smile as Andrei set up their presentation and Vivian handed out the prepared booklets to each of the attendees.

Vivian’s voice wavered slightly as they started, but by the third slide, she was her normal, charismatic self, her practiced speech coming off as confident and rehearsed but not memorized. Andrei stumbled once or twice, a pink blush coating his cheeks as he smiled through it, glancing each time at Vivian for silent encouragement.

Thirty minutes later, the presentation was done, as were the onslaught of questions from each of the panelists. The VP of Operations, Janet, was the first to stand up to shake both of their hands.

“Thank you, Miss Adams and Mr. Svechnikov. I have to say that this has been one of the best, most professional presentations we’ve seen yet. Very well done.”

Andrei could barely contain his grin, thanking her and Professor Janes as Vivian tucked her laptop in her bag. Andrei led the way out the door with one final “thank you.” Once they were in the hallway and far enough from the door, he was spinning on his heel to lift Vivian up into his arms.

“We did it!” he exclaimed, spinning her around. “We fucking did it!”

“Andrei! Keep your voice down!” she scolded, though it was punctuated with a giggle that nearly punched Andrei in the gut.

“God, you were amazing,” he said, quieter this time as he set her down. “When they asked that last question about the inventory tracking, I completely froze. You are fucking incredible.”

“I know it inside and out,” she said, brushing off the compliment. “You did great, too, Andrei. I’m proud of us.”

“One of the best they’ve ever seen,” he mused, nudging her shoulder. “Put that on your resume, Viv.”

“Too bad you can’t use that skill in the NHL,” she joked.

—

Andrei barely had time to bask in the success of the presentation before he was on a plane to St. Paul for the college hockey championship tournament. Being a hockey school, his professors were more than understanding with their deadlines, many of them offering well wishes before he left for the short but significant tournament. 

As soon as he arrived, he was flooded with interviews in advance of the Hobey Baker announcement that was to take place before the game. Either way, it—both the media and the ceremony—was all a big distraction to Andrei; he had his sights set on a different trophy that was far more important than any individual award he could win. But, remembering his media training, he put a smile on his face and channeled his inner Vivian Adams.

When they called his name announcing him the winner of the award, Andrei was bashful and gracious, only allowing a smile once he was back in the locker room with his teammates who were waiting to congratulate him after the ceremony. A minor celebration—just the way he wanted it—before they were back in the zone, preparing for the semifinal game against Notre Dame. Truthfully, he was glad the award was done and over with, though he knew the questions would continue to come even once he made it to the NHL. 

After a hard-fought game—and a two point game for the Hobey Baker winner—the Terriers emerged victorious. Coach granted them the night to celebrate, though Andrei was very conscious of his alcohol intake; if all went according to plan, he’d be able to really celebrate in two days’ time, once he had the trophy in hand.

The night before the championship, Andrei tossed and turned, eventually dozing off into a dreamless sleep. He awoke the next morning to a text from Vivian, feeling a tug at his heart when he saw the familiar emojis next to her name; something she’d added herself at some point during freshman year and he’d never bothered to change them.

[Viv 😍🥰❤️‍🔥🎀🌼:] Congratulations, Mr. Hobey Baker! Good luck today! Bring home that trophy to Terrier Nation! 🐶

It was the only time Andrei allowed himself to be smug; something about Vivian being proud of him awoke the unfamiliar emotions in him. If Andrei thought hard enough, he’d have put two and two together then, but when he looked back on that day in later years, he’d blame it on the pressure of the game that made him blind to his feelings.

Despite his qualms and reluctance for the attention, it was only fitting for it to be Andrei who scored in OT, surely a goal that would be on his highlight goal for years to come. 

The horn sounded as confetti burst from the ceiling, raining a sea of scarlet and white over the arena. Andrei’s celebration with his team was cut short when the television crew encouraged them to line up for the presentation of the championship trophy. He was jittering, full of adrenaline; the words of the announcer barely registering with him.

When he lifted the trophy over his head, grinning from ear to ear, it wasn’t his family he looked for in the stands, but Vivian. She was the first person he sought out when he got back to campus, Pi Kapp quickly throwing together a celebratory championship bash despite being the week before exams. He didn’t expect her to be there, and she wasn’t, though that didn’t stop him from sending her one—or four—too many drunk texts inviting her out.

It wasn’t until several days later, as he was lying in bed and reading through the ‘good luck’ text she’d sent him before his Finance exam, that the weight of his feelings for her came crashing down on him. He knew he wasn’t Vivian smart, but he didn’t think he was that dumb either, to be completely oblivious to the way he felt about her. 

And of course, it was just his luck that his grand revelation came to him the night before graduation day.

The buzz of Vivian’s alarm went off at 7am, but she was already lying awake, staring at the ceiling. She’d woken up around 5:30, or thereabouts, unable to sleep for the swirl of emotions building inside of her. 

It was graduation day, which brought a bittersweet sense of pride. She was excited to celebrate, to reminisce on all of her and her friends’ accomplishments over the last four years, but she was also anticipating the looming goodbye to the city that had become her home—and everyone in it.

Of course, there was one person in particular that she was dreading saying goodbye to. Now that she had come to terms with her feelings for Andrei, she’d been mulling over what to do about them—tell him, and risk her heart breaking, or keep it to herself, and wonder ‘what if’ for the rest of her life. 

Surely, she assumed, Andrei was already thinking ahead to his future, ready for the bright lights of PNC Arena, the fame and glory of the NHL, and beautiful girls lined up down the street for the chance to talk with him. He’d be signing his first contract soon, worth more money in one season than she’d make in five years. There was no way he would even be thinking about getting back together with his ex-girlfriend from his freshman year of college—not while he had the world at his feet.

Plus, there was the tiny detail that Vivian still hadn’t accepted a job offer, though she had received two to date; while one was in New York City, a fairly reasonable distance from Raleigh, the other was in San Francisco, on the other side of the country. Still, Vivian couldn’t shake the feeling that she should tell him, and she knew she’d never forgive herself if she kept it in and found out years later that he’d wanted the same.

Vivian had just finished applying her makeup when she heard a knock on the front door. Judging by the sound of it, her housemate was in the shower, and she knew the other two weren’t home, so she tightened the tie on her robe and ran downstairs to answer it. 

As she opened the door, Vivian came face to face with Andrei—or at least, face to chest. He was panting on the front porch, half dressed with his tie undone as he stood in front of her. 

“Andrei, what are you doing here? I’m trying to get ready—”

“I—you look beautiful,” he said, breathless. 

“Thank you,” she said, then repeated, “What are you doing?”

“I need to talk to you.” There was a fire in his eyes that told her it was important, so she stepped aside and let him in.

Before she could say anything, he was climbing the steps up to her room, two at a time, and she jogged behind him, confused.

“What is going on? You’re scaring me, Andrei.”

“I—I had to see you.”

She raised her eyebrows, silently asking for him to continue. He took a moment to catch his breath, then said, “I couldn’t sleep last night. I can’t stop thinking about you. I almost called you like, eight different times. And then it hit me.”

Vivian held her breath, anticipating what might be coming next, though nothing could really prepare her for the words that came out of his mouth.

“Ya lyublyu tebya,” he said.

Vivian stared at him, the foreign words hanging between them in the silence. Outside of the occasional curse word or when he was really drunk, she’d hardly ever heard him speak Russian, as he put much of his energy into learning ‘good and proper’ English once he had committed to finishing his degree at BU. “I… I don’t know what that means.”

Andrei smiled, his eyes warm as he looked at her. “I think you do.”

And she did. Vivian Adams wasn’t the smartest girl in her class for nothing. But in that moment, she wasn’t Vivian Adams, President of Alpha Zeta, Summa Cum Laude. She was just Viv. And fuck, if Viv didn’t love him too.

“Andrei…”

“God, I fucking love you,” he said, like he was unable to stop himself now that he’d said it once. “I don’t think I ever stopped. It just got hidden because you weren’t around. And then we got paired together, and I just—”

His monologue was cut off when Vivian lunged forward to press her lips against his. Suddenly, he didn’t give a single shit about what else had left to say, instead focused on kissing her back as he threaded his hands through her hair. He never wanted to stop kissing her, not now that he finally felt her perfect lips again.

For the moment, she was content to just kiss him, familiarizing herself with his mouth after being separated for so long. But when his tongue traced along the seam of her lips, she was all too eager to let him deepen the kiss, welcoming him into her mouth. Andrei’s hand gripped her jaw, keeping her pressed against him while his other hand wandered to her chest, massaging her breast over the soft fabric of her robe—the way he’d wanted to since he saw the glimpse of her cleavage at the party.

Soon enough, Vivian found herself lying on her back, Andrei’s large frame looming over her as he kissed his way down her jaw. Her hands roamed his broad, muscular back, feeling the divots of his shoulders as he held himself over her. The feeling of his mouth on the sensitive skin of her neck made her shiver, his tongue tracing the spot that always drove her crazy. Judging by the moan that slipped from her mouth, it was safe to say that spot was still a weakness.

“Andrei,” she mumbled, brain fuzzy as she searched for the words to say. “We can’t—have to—”

“I know, I know. Just give me a minute,” he pleaded against her neck, mouth making its way to her chest. “Please.”

‘A minute’ turned into ten, leaving her completely naked with his head buried between her thighs. A feral groan left his mouth when his tongue first lapped against her, instantly remembering the sweetness of the way she tasted. He’d never been a bad lover, but clearly the years apart had earned him a lot of practice, for his tongue flicking her clit sent her flying over the edge with ease. Smirking to himself, pleased with his ability, Andrei placed gentle kisses against the inside of her thighs as she came down from her high. 

“Viv,” her housemate called from downstairs, bursting her bubble sooner than she might have liked, “your parents are here.”

It only took a moment for Vivian to come out of her orgasmic haze, eyes widening as she realized the state she was in. Her eyes shot to Andrei’s, who was frozen with his lips on her inner thigh.

“Fuck,” she whispered, quickly standing up and gesturing for Andrei to straighten himself up. Then, she shouted down the stairs, “Hi, mom and dad. I’ll be down in a second—just finishing up!”

She was quick to throw on the dress she had set out, hanging completely forgotten once Andrei arrived. Her hair was only partially done, but she managed to salvage it by throwing a few loose curls in; fortunately, her head would be covered by her cap for most of the photos. 

It was only when she glanced at Andrei, wiping off the remnants of her orgasm in the sink before she realized how this would look. Obviously, this new stage of their relationship—where did this leave them?—was more than fresh; she wasn’t even sure if her parents would remember that she told them they’d been paired together for the capstone project. 

“I love you, too, you know,” she said, stepping forward to straighten his tie. He smiled, stealing another precious moment to press another kiss against her lips. “But now’s the real test—act normal with my parents down there.”

“And pretend I didn’t just have my head between their daughter’s legs?” he grinned. “Oh, baby, you know I’m a parent charmer.”

As expected, her parents’ reactions to seeing Vivian walk down the stairs flanked by Andrei was all but priceless. Her father visibly bristled, while her mother looked surprised but pleased—she’d always been a fan of Andrei.

Vivian hugged them both, apologizing for the wait and hoping they didn’t think too hard about Andrei descending from her bedroom at 8:30 in the morning. “Mom and dad, you remember Andrei.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Adams, it’s so good to see you again,” he greeted quickly, shaking her dad’s hand firmly and accepting a confused but gracious hug from her mom. “Viv and I had to submit a final analysis for our project—there was a glitch in the system.”

A weak lie, but Mrs. Adams was so pleased to see Andrei that she didn’t question it. 

“Andrei, will you be heading to the convocation center with us?”

“I’ve got to meet my family, but I’m sure my mother would love to meet you,” Andrei replied with a smile. “We’ll find you after the ceremony?”

Vivian nodded, sending Andrei off with a smile and a “see you soon,” followed shortly by an eyebrow raise from her mother once the door was closed. 

The ceremony itself was dull, but the day was a whirlwind nonetheless: many photos with friends and family (including a long-awaited introduction between the Svechnikovs and the Adamses), a boozy brunch with Alpha Zeta seniors and families, followed by a reminiscent stroll through campus, and finally a nice dinner with her family. Before Vivian knew it, it was 11pm and she was at the bar with her friends, taking celebratory shots that burned her throat. Vivian was happy, but something was missing.

And then that something came walking in, a smile on his face when he easily located her amongst the crowd. The dimple she’d always loved stood out, warmth flooding her body as he weaved his way through the throng of people toward her. 

“Hi,” she said, as if their earlier confessions left undiscussed made her suddenly shy around him.

“Hi,” he said back, mocking her a little bit with a playful smile. 

There was an elephant in the room—two elephants, really—crammed into the dimly lit room with 80’s music blaring over the speakers, but a packed bar full of fresh college graduates was hardly the place to address them. 

“You want to get out of here?” he asked quietly, jerking his head toward the door. 

Vivian didn’t have the words to describe just how badly she wanted that, instead nodding with a smile. He matched hers, following her out and completing an Irish Goodbye without a second thought.

The Uber ride back to her apartment was quiet save for the song playing softly on the radio, Vivian’s thigh pressed against Andrei’s in the backseat. His hand found hers silently, lacing their fingers in a gesture that went far beyond comfort in a dark car.

I saw you last night and got that old feeling When you came in sight, I got that old feeling The moment that you danced by, I felt a thrill And when you caught my eye, my heart stood still

Once again I seemed to feel that old yearning Then I knew the spark of love was still burning There'll be no new romance for me, it's foolish to start For that old, that old feeling is still in my heart

It felt like fate, and maybe it was, Frank Sinatra’s soothing voice warbling through the speakers about a love rekindled. Andrei hummed the same to her, softly, in the darkness of her bedroom as he took his time undressing her, unveiling each inch of her skin like it was brand new to him. 

Strong arms held her close as he laid her back against the bed, settling his body over hers before kissing her deeply. His tongue sought out her own, his hands running over her exposed skin as if he needed to re-commit it to memory. Their position was familiar, the same one they were in just over 12 hours prior, but the weight between them was much, much different.

This time, Vivian’s hands found Andrei’s slacks, palming the bulge she met with fervor and savoring the groan that left his throat. Encouraged and eager to produce that sound again, she dipped her hand beneath his waistband and wrapped her fingers around him, stroking him lightly.

“Viv,” he grunted, nose trailing along her jawline as he held himself up—barely. “Need—need to be in you.”

She agreed wholeheartedly, helping Andrei shuck his pants down his legs, joining her clothes on the floor. It was their first time being completely bare together in years, and though she shouldn’t have been surprised, Vivian was in awe of him, a sculpted Russian god in her bed. 

Andrei’s hands ran down her thighs, hoisting each of them over his hips as he settled between her legs. To slow down the moment, he pressed his forehead against hers, eyes gazing into her own before he kissed her deeply. Vivian could feel him, throbbing, bumping against the inside of her thighs, brushing against her core where she, too, was desperate to have him.

“Andrei,” she murmured softly against his lips, encouragement spoken in just a sigh of his name. 

She didn’t want him to stop touching her, whining reluctantly when he sacrificed a few moments to part his hands from her skin in favor of guiding his length toward her. Vivian had no breath left in her lungs when he finally pushed in, slowly, his considerable girth something she was no longer used to accommodating. Andrei stilled, telling himself it was so she could adjust; in reality, he needed the time just as much, fearful of busting his load far, far too early. 

No, Andrei wanted to savor this, to enjoy it. Though he’d had many partners since Vivian, none of them felt quite the way she did, squeezed him quite the way her perfect cunt did, made his balls tighten when she moaned out his name the way she did—but he hadn’t realized how much he missed her until that moment. Her skin against his lit him on fire from the inside out, and he was sure it was because of more than her body that he wanted to taste every inch of.

Andrei stretched her entirely, the feeling so incredibly delicious that all thought was absent from Vivian’s brain. All she could do was hold onto him, her hands caressing the skin of his arms, his shoulders, his back, her legs wrapped tightly around him as his hips dipped against hers. He was steady in his rhythm, patient, like he was following a beat only he could hear. 

When his lips found hers again, he drank in the moans that she offered, tugging her up toward him until they were seated and she was straddling him, unable to get close enough. His hands on her hips encouraged her to move, to drive herself toward the high she desperately sought, that he could feel in the flutter of her heat around him. With her head buried in the crook of Andrei’s thick neck, Vivian cried out as she came, her vision going fuzzy as the climax hit her like a freight train.

Andrei’s arms wrapped tightly around her, holding her closely as he, too, met his end, spilling into her waiting core with a grunt. His body was tingling, as was Vivian’s, but he couldn’t stop himself from kissing her again, doing his best to pour the love that had been forgotten for the last two years back into her.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, moments later when he was lying beside her, admiring the way her body looked wrapped in the sheet, pressed against his frame. The feeling of her, snug in his arms, made everything feel right in the world. 

Vivian smiled, shy, burying her face against his chest in embarrassment. He nudged her with his shoulder, adding for emphasis, “You are.”

“Drei…”

The old nickname fell from her lips without her even realizing, familiar and warm in so many ways. Andrei smiled at it, liking the way it felt. 

Silence fell between them, comfortable as they basked in the glorious haze. Then, Vivian’s voice spoke quietly in the darkness of her room. “I don’t want this to end.”

“What do you mean?” 

“We’re both leaving BU soon,” Vivian said, not ready to burst their bubble yet, but the words just kept coming out. “And I don’t know where I’m going yet, but I have offers in San Francisco and New York, and you’re going to be this hot shot NHL star, and I’m sure your DM’s are already full of pretty girls and–”

“Viv,” he interrupted her softly. “I don’t care about that. I want to be with you.”

“But… I applied to jobs all over the place,” she fretted, hating herself for letting her anxiety ruin their perfect, blissful moment. 

Andrei paused, nudging her jaw with a finger to encourage her to meet his eyes. “I lost you once; I’m not going to do it again. I want this, and if you do too, then we’ll make it work. Okay?”

“You mean that?”

“Eto vsegda byl ty, Viv. The girl in my story has always been you.”

–

The next morning, the light streaming through the windows woke Vivian up, stretching her deliciously sore muscles before she registered the large, warm body beside her. She took a moment to watch Andrei sleep, his chest gently rising and falling with his breath, features so relaxed and peaceful. 

When she rolled over to glance at her phone, she saw the notification for an unread email. The sound of her gasp woke Andrei up, startled at the sound.

“What? Are you oka– what happened?” he spluttered, taking in her wide eyes.

Instead of speaking, Vivian simply turned her phone toward him to show him what had tears brimming in her eyes: An offer letter for a Financial Analyst position with CyberComm.

“That’s great, Viv,” he smiled. “Congratulations.”

“Andrei,” Vivian said, sensing that he didn’t quite put it together. “CyberComm has an office in Charlotte.”

“Oh.”

“Charlotte is in North Carolina.”

“Oh.” 

Her eyebrows raised, watching the realization dawn on Andrei’s face as he processed. “You’re moving to North Carolina?”

“We’re moving to North Carolina.”

Vivian didn’t know if she should call it fate, chance, coincidence, but five months later when she watched Andrei debut in his first ever NHL game, a Svechnikov jersey proud on her shoulders, she decided it was best to call it the mystery of love.

[ladyseidr]

So, as you may know from his muse page, Rory has ( obviously undiagnosed ) ADHD. I wanted to delve more into this ( and project some of my ADHD onto him lmaooo ).

so, we'll start heavier and then move on to the mostly lighter stuff: yes, his ADHD is disabling. no, he does not know that. yes, he's thinks he's just lazy and stupid ( he's not </3 ).

no, his would-be-shitty-no-matter-what parents do not help the above, although his mom's emotional abuse / judgment actually gives him the bigger complex abt it

he does struggle academically despite the fact that, talking to him about his interests / stuff he's knowledgeable about, he clearly comes across intelligent. he struggles with focus, some memory issues, plus general test anxiety despite claiming to not care about school. he hears a lot of "try harder" despite, like, actually putting effort in for many years of his schooling.

he graduates high school, barely ( as in, highly considered dropping out for 101 reason, including the ADHD ). no, he doesn't even consider college.

the combination of untreated ADHD, C-PTSD, and definitely an ( un ) healthy dose of depression make it hard for him to work "traditional jobs," so he does mostly odd jobs. at some point after getting his own place, i def think he starts diving into his art a little more. can aspen write a muse who isn't a creative? tune in next time to find out.

unrelated, but i am serious about the band idea. about him joining some local, semi-decent band as a singer.

ANYWAY some lighter stuff now: guy who always has one major ( months and months long ) and one minor ( 1-2 weeks ) hyperfixation going on at all times.

his common types of hyperfixations tend to be: specific comic book series or characters, specific bands, D&D, video games, and so forth.

he does get pulled back to previous hyperfixations sometimes, especially favorite characters ( like batg.irl, green ar.row, nightc.rawler, spid.er-man, etc )

please let him infodump at you. please let your muse find it endearing when he talks for 30 minutes straight about the latest Batm.an series. or about his new spray paint. or about anything.

btw i'm adding this just to be petty because i brought up comics but i promise you he called in and voted for jason not to die. i think older rory read "Under the H.ood" and felt the most validation he'd ever felt in his life. this isn't even fn.af-related anymore, let me get mad about D.C for a second—

( actually let's be real rory relating to jason big time is Real and Canon to me. anyway hayla, if you're reading this—)

sometimes his brain moves faster than his mouth and he literally can't say what he wants to say fast enough to get it out coherently ( real real real ).

he does miss social cues sometimes, but how much of that is ADHD vs him just not being properly socialized prior to school is debatable. pre-bite, he's able to laugh it off when someone calls him on it.

projecting big time but i think he should be a rocker ( as a stim ). if he's sitting down, he's probably rocking or bouncing his leg or something. if he's standing, he's shifting foot-to-foot constantly. that's not to say he can never be still, but he stims quite a lot. it's not always ( or even often ) a sign of nerves, he just gets restless.

in fact, honestly a lot of his idle behavior can scream "nervous" if you don't realize he's simply restless.

his recklessness is honestly not something i'd attribute to his ADHD. he has little care for his own safety, but i think that's a lot broader then ( or even wholly unrelated to ) his ADHD

does he ever get diagnosed? it's probably well into his 30s before he can even be convinced to try therapy, but yeah, i think eventually he gets diagnosed and tbh i think he probably cried the first time he read the, like, symptoms of it and realized it fit him. also when he gets on medication. this is supposed to be a happy bullet point but AGH </3

anyway rory infodumping at your muse starter call when?

[leprosycock]

pls educate/ advertise f0b / peterick yaoi to me. i know nothing about it but i want to.

uhhhhh okay this is gonna be really fucking long and deranged because i've been into them for like? nine years and i promise you from the bottom of my heart that nothing i will tell you is exaggerated or made up, their relationship really is this twisted and intense and insane. a lot of this is gonna be under the cut for obvious reasons

faII out boy are officially formed in the summer of 2001 when p4trick stump overhears joe tr0hman talking about music in a boarders bookstore and feels the need to jump in and correct him because patrick is extremely pretentious and insane about music, having grown up around it due to his blues-performing dad. joe is personal friends with pete w3ntz, a legend in the chicago music scene that patrick has personally admired for ages. joe invites patrick to come try out for a band that pete wants to start on the side next to his other projects, something just for fun. patrick intends on just becoming a drummer- until he meets pete. then his life is changed forever.

to really put things in perspective, pete is 22 years old and patrick is barely sixteen when they meet. pete is an unstable college kid with unmedicated bipolar disorder and kind of a huge sex freak who's very mean to girls and patrick is a loser virginal high school kid. pete is short and covered in tattoos and his hair is buzzed and he has whiskey-colored eyes and bright big teeth and a smirky smug pouty mouth. patrick is shorter and pasty and a little chubby and he has choppy strawberry blond hair and a big pink mouth and big baby blue eyes. both pete and joe show up to patrick's house to hear him audition and patrick is wearing shorts, black knee-high socks, and an argyle sweater. we know this because pete has repeated this story of their first meeting many, many times.

patrick insists that he wants to play drums and has never thought about singing before, but pete bullies and pokes and prods until patrick finally gives in and sings for him and joe as long as pete promises to be the actual frontman and lets him sink into the background because he's unbelievably shy and insecure. pete is immediately taken with patrick and calls him "the kid with the voice" and a "golden boy" and he gives him a knit cap so he can hide his face in front of the microphone. patrick is wearing this same hat on the cover of their first official debut album, take this to your grave.

their tentative first album, evening out with your girlfriend, is a rushed slapjob full of embarrassingly delightful fruity pop punk hits that patrick today is ruthlessly ashamed of. this was recorded with two other former members, tj and chris, who eventually leave in pursuit of other projects that they believe will be more successful. they continue to be friends with the other boys for a while until pete tries to convince chris' girlfriend to use sex dice with him and this causes a rift and leads to chris cutting pete off and, by extension, the band. after these two leave, pete brings in a permanent drummer, andy hurley. andy is a pacifist and a vegan and has a voice like a kitten and is an all-around good guy and well-rounded adult who's around pete's age. they record take this to your grave. during the summer, pete takes his pet high schoolers and his fellow hardcore music scene buddy around on tour in joe's mom's shitty old van so the boys don't have to miss school. (or, more accurately, he has joe do it, because pete does not have a valid driver's license at the time.)

one of the singles on tttyg is called saturday. pete and patrick write a lot of lyrics together for this album and saturday is another joint effort. here are some lyrics:

and here is the description for the music video:

The video features all of the band, but particularly frontman Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz. Pete is killing the other band members and their friends, leaving a Queen of Hearts playing card with each of the bodies. Patrick is a detective tracking the "killer". During the bridge of the song, Patrick and Pete are seen in the same position, sitting on a bed with a wall of pictures of Pete's victims in the background, suggesting that Patrick and Pete may be the same person. In the end, Pete kills Patrick, but because Pete and Patrick turn out to be the same person, Pete dies as well.

they perform this song at the end of every show and they have since 2002. pete spent their entire tour in 2015 grabbing his dick during this song for some reason ?? idk but i have pictures:

during the tttyg era, pete and patrick become VERY fast and VERY intense best friends. patrick is extremely temperamental and impatient and has a short fuse and pete has routine breakdowns and is a general violent, obnoxious asshole who likes to torment patrick for fun, so a lot of their interactions tend to ignite like throwing a match on gasoline. he once famously strangled pete with a gas pump, has thrown punches at him in the studio, and cursed him out over small disagreements. for those curious, this feisty little sweaty golden firecracker of a boy looked like this:

just so you know what we're dealing with.

the rest of them looked like this ^ andy, pete, patrick, and joe respectively. patrick did that gay little wrist flick in photoshoots a lot for some reason

it's important to note that pete was a genuine creep around patrick and was VERY WEIRD WITH HIM. during this van days era, pete tried to carve a peephole into his bedroom door when they all shared a shitty apartment together in roscoe village and never left his side. he talks about him frequently on livejournal and their website and i will quote some of these incidents here: 04/16/05: patricks birthday is tommorrow. i am in love with him so give him presents. 06/09/05: when i want patrick to sing in my ear i call him on the phone and he does it 06/16/05: that kid is my best friend and the rest of the world could blow up and fall out boy can break up and he still will be 10/11/05: i dreamt him. q&a incidents from the official fob website:

pete fucking adores this kid with everything in him. patrick is routinely frustrated with pete and his inability to grow up, but he's still just as maddeningly in love and still maintains a sense of hero worship for him and considers him a tragic figure that needs to be protected. they become very codependent.

during van days, they record and release an acoustic album called my heart will always be the b side to my tongue. they also release a dvd called release the bats, which is a hideous nightmare clusterfuck involving a lot of pete doing really gross shit for attention such as vomiting on the floor, pissing in garbage cans, and hurting himself and his friends alongside showcasing some of their live shows and performances with other friends in fueled by ramen, a borderline incestuous record label where everyone knows each other and is constantly collabing and doing shows together. included on this dvd is a short film that pete and patrick make called bedussey. they film this while sharing a dirty disgusting mattress in an even smaller apartment than the last during their writing sessions. it's fucking awful, watch it

just before the release of their second studio album, pete overdoses on ativan in a best buy parking lot while hallelujah plays on the radio. the first person he calls is patrick, who doesn't pick up, and then he finally tries his mom and his doctor. he writes two songs about this, 7 minutes in heaven and hum hallelujah. he also talks about this incident in his book, grey, but that comes much later. not terribly long after this, his nudes get leaked and it's ambiguous for a while as to who posts them, but it's theorized that it was actually chris or a friend of his. i can't honestly remember how much of this was confirmed. pete's life is surrounded by tragedy and flashbulbs constantly popping in his eyes and it's a mix of him bringing it on himself and not finding the help he needs and having terrible, terrible luck in love and in himself.

during this time, he's in an incredibly twisted and unhealthy relationship with a seventeen year old named jeanae white. she cheats on him five million times and vise-versa and they're very mean to each other. she also plays a pivotal role in his book later on. they break up for good in 2006. there's also a vague theory that he had a brief fling with mikey way in 2004 which is referred to as "the summer of like" by those invested. it may very well be true but i couldn't give a fuck about that if i tried; i'm a peterick loyalist. he marries ashlee simpson in 2008 (most likely due to her unplanned pregnancy, even though he was pretty in love with her at the time) and has a baby boy named bronx with her. during this era, patrick is in a committed relationship with a girl named anna who eventually cheats on him and it tears him apart.

jumping back a bit, from under the cork tree is their third official studio album (if you count b side, which i do) and it contains a lot of very interesting music.

the original lyric was meant to be "just friends" and for some reason, patrick changed it to "best friends" in the final cut. the name of this song is 'i've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth (summer song)'. pete LOVES to use the idea of summer in his music, which is so interesting, because fall out boy's first tour was in the summer, he and patrick have spent the fourth of july in a beach house together (REMEMBER THIS), and their biggest projects have been produced over summers. it's also worth mentioning that pete has kissed patrick on the neck more than once during shows. even more worth mentioning that pete is REALLY fucking clingy with patrick on stage.

^ they sing this at each other. i don't really know what else to say

their next album, infinity on high, is slightly more artsy and, in my opinion, a fucking masterpiece. one of the most valuable tracks on this album is g.i.n.a.s.f.s. (gay is not a synonym for shitty) and i will explain why

"trade baby blues for wide eyed browns" alongside literally walking in someone else's shoes and physically trying to become them or embodying them is just following a theme that pete and patrick have been portraying for years, about how the two of them are inherently the same person, two sides of the same coin. pete says they experience cryptophasia, an implicit, intimate language that can only be used by twins. their next album is even titled folie a deux, "the madness of two". pete later writes about a character named martin (patrick's irl middle name) in grey, who he talks about saving the main character's (pete's) life on the roof of a hotel. "some nights it gets so bad i almost pick up the phone" = pete has said multiple times that patrick has sang to him on the phone to calm him down or help him fall asleep because patrick's voice really is that healing for pete. also possibly another reference to pete's suicide attempt and how his call to patrick failed ?

lastly, here's a quote from pete's livejournal in 05 when he was babbling about patrick:

"i know i am sal and i feel damn lucky to have the wind blowing in the thru the windows as he keeps us at 80mph. make no mistake, there is a difference between a parlor trick and true blue magic. i will remember this til the day i die."

fuck you

2007-2008 is full of massive, massive drama. alongside pete's ongoing war with the media and his almost immediate marital issues with ashlee, he's ALWAYS fighting with patrick inside and outside the studio, both physically and verbally. the band is constantly getting called sellouts and posers and were heckled very badly during the tours they did to promote folie a deux. it's kind of the beginning of the end.

for folie, pete writes a song called what a catch donnie. this is a ballad that pete writes from patrick's perspective that he is very, very nervous to show to him and almost doesn't. showing him something so heartfelt and vulnerable is dangerous given the current nature of their relationship. this is that song.

the music video stars patrick as a sea captain who's lost and lonely and trying to get home and he's eventually rescued by many of his irl close friends through fueled by ramen. but pete never appears.

after the round of tours for fad ends, they release a greatest hits album called believers never die and the coffin lid starts to slide closed. the band is well and truly dissolving; the reception for fad was very poor and miserable and pete and patrick truly cannot work together anymore and both joe and andy are tired of trying to put up with them. pete tells the boys he's going to leave and the breakup is mutual, to say the least. pete has his head shaven on stage as a ritual of mourning during 'saturday'. pete says in interviews that he thinks his name and his marriage and all the drama that saturates his life became a hindrance to the band.

fob is on hiatus from 2009 to 2013. during this time, pete forms the band black cards and seeks out a female vocalist specifically because he doesn't want to "replace patrick". he writes grey, opens nightclubs, divorces ashlee, abuses prescription drugs, and wants to die. patrick loses a bunch of weight and produces a solo pop album called soul punk. it has a very poor reception and he's bullied and tormented by fans who go to his shows just to tell him he sucks and he wants to die just as badly as pete does. he also gets married, but whatever

he bleaches his hair and dresses like this the whole tour because he's a massive faggot:

i have this whole theory about how his song run dry is about gay sex. a lot of the album is about infidelity too. he claims that this is because it's a "concept album" but it .. really kind of isn't. patrick is not very good at lyrics. (SOMETIMES. we'll come back to this too.)

pete and patrick do not talk to each other for a bulk of the hiatus. pete says that the hiatus felt like a breakup and hurt just as badly. closer to the end of this painful spell, pete calls patrick to say "i helped buy your house and now you don't even know my kid, that's messed up" and they have to learn how to be friends again. there are vague statements from the band about how they had a series of work meetings before seriously discussing the idea of reuniting. patrick also sends pete a postcard, telling him he has music he wants to show him if he's willing to see it.

in 2013, out of fucking nowhere, like a couple weeks after pete assures the media that fall out boy will never reform, they drop an album called save rock and roll and the band is back for good. as they release this album, they also release a massive and incredible series of eleven music videos for the entire album called the young blood chronicles. essentially, fall out boy plays a group called the members of the faith and they have to essentially defend music from courtney love, who plays a nazi-esque dictator leading a group of leather-clad women who want to establish a dystopia where music doesn't exist. music = faith. the women steal patrick away and put a demon in him and chop his hand off and he turns evil and starts to murder the rest of the band, including pete.

the most important track on this album is miss missing you.

pete wrote a good chunk of the lyrics for this album, as he is wont to do (this changes later on but it's still mostly pete for now), but this song is all patrick. this was a song he wrote for soul punk, but he never recorded it because, in his words, "it sounded too much like a fall out boy song". this particular installment in the ybc involves solely pete and patrick, separated from the rest of the band after joe and andy have left. this entire music video is about patrick trying to kill pete and struggling to do so, at war with his own humanity that keeps slipping through the cracks. pete has said that this is his favorite music video that the band has ever made.

relevant quotes:

"pete's my best friend. i was the best man at his wedding, i love that man to death. i'd take a bullet for him."

"[patrick is] probably my best friend in the whole world. this is one of the only people in the world that i would take a bullet for."

also! summer! summer summer summer! summer never dies!!!

2013-2014 are essentially a honeymoon phase. fob do tons of interviews, immediately make plans for a brand new album to follow srar up with, and they record an insane ep on a whim called pax am days. they do it while ridiculously drunk. it's REALLY good and SOOOO underrated and some of the most interesting music they've ever made. pete and patrick record a commentary track for the ybc. they're best friends again- admittedly less physically clingy, but they're older and more grown up and pete is more secure in his relationship with patrick. they're easygoing and comfortable and they love being around each other again and they're irrevocably in love.

late 2014-early 2015 birth their next album, american beauty/american psycho. i have a lot of emotional attachment to it because i was old enough to witness this release in real time and this was the height of my obsession. there are a LOT of fascinating things to pick apart in this album, but here are my favorites (tumblr won't let me add more than 30 images per post for some reason ?? i didn't know there was a limit but alright. Sure):

And in the end I'd do it all again I think you're my best friend Don't you know that the kids aren't al-, kids aren't alright? I'll be yours When it rains it pours Stay thirsty like before Don't you know that the kids aren't al-, kids aren't alright?

very obvious. the kids aren't alright was more or less confirmed to be about patrick and pete tended to get very lovey-dovey on stage whenever they performed it.

Do you, do-do you remember When we drove, we drove, drove through the night And we danced, we danced to Rancid And we danced, we danced And I confessed, confessed To you riding shot-gun Underneath the purple skies And we danced, we danced With windows down And we danced, we danced (Spin for you like your favorite records used to) (Spin for you like your favorite records) You were the song stuck in my head Every song that I've ever loved Play it again and again and again And you can get what you want but it's never enough And I spin for you like your favorite records used to And I spin for you like your favorite records used to

And I can’t, I can’t I can’t remember just how to forget Forget the way that we danced We danced to Danzig And we danced, we danced And when you ask, you ask me how I’m doing Like you know, you know how much better off I am And when we danced, we danced With windows down And we danced, we danced (Spin for you like your favorite records used to) (Spin for you like your favorite records)

favorite record is a big one because of pete's "patrick is an ipod full of my favorite songs" and "you ask me how i'm doing, like you know how much better off i am", a possible reference to the hiatus and their inability to communicate. i'd also like to firmly call back to pete's quote about driving with patrick and remembering that day until he dies.

and, lastly, fuck me:

I'll be as honest as you'll let me I miss your early morning company If you get me You are my favorite what if You are my best I'll never know And I'm starting to forget Just what summer ever meant to you What did it ever mean to you?

Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean any of it I just got too lonely, lonely, whoa In between being young and being right You were my Versailles at night

It was the fourth of July You and I were, you and I were fire, fire, fireworks That went off too soon And I miss you in the June gloom too It was the fourth of July You and I were, you and I were fire, fire, fireworks I said I'd never miss you, but I guess you never know May the bridges I have burned Light my way back home on the fourth of July

My 9 to 5 is cutting open old scars Again and again 'til I'm stuck in your head Had my doubts but I let them out You are the drought And I'm the holy water you have been without And all my thoughts of you They could heat or cool the room, and no Don't tell me you cried Oh, honey, you don't have to lie

-

I wish I'd known how much you loved me I wish I cared enough to know I'm sorry every song's about you The torture of small talk with someone you used to love

fuck!!!! fuck!!!!!!! summer again!!!! we're back to summer and back to the fourth of july i told you that would be important later. finding your way back home on the bridges you burned. memories of squandered youth trapped in these moments from years back and viewing someone as this grand monument worthy of worship and posterity. "my nine to five is cutting open old scars", pete's job, what he's been filling his life with for years, the music that he makes for a living. "i'm sorry every song's about you" = doesn't have to be literal. i believe it's more so about the idea that so many songs are about patrick and it's more tongue-in-cheek, despite how melancholy it is. i believe this song is a grand release for pete and a way for him to reconcile his feelings after years of confusion and longing and torment. but that's all just a theory

it's also worth mentioning twin skeleton's, which a lot of peterick truthers theorize is about pete and patrick having flings in hotels during tours throughout 06-09. it's not really definitive and it's very conspiratorial, but i do enjoy thinking about it

there's a three year gap between albums this time and then we get mania, which is by all accounts awful. people can defend this album all they want, but i think it's fucking terrible and patrick admits that it was rushed and he doesn't like it and he's right and he should be ashamed. i hate this album. it sounds terrible and there are very few good songs on it. they did a ton of promotion for this record and did a pop-up event where they had rooms you could go through based on each track of the album. they really, genuinely tried, but it was a miss. i was so frustrated with this album that i really don't have much to say about it peterick-wise, but this tour was the first time that i was actually able to see them live, so i can't really stay mad at them. they played thriller and opened with disloyal order <333 (which, by the way, is also about patrick, confirmed by pete himself! he said that "half-doomed and semi-sweet" is a literal description of himself and patrick.)

i do like young and menace, hold me tight or don't, and wilson, but none of them feel like fob. moving on.

they release the lake effect kid ep in 2018 and believers never die volume two. lake effect kid is a BEAUTIFUL fucking track and it made me actually ache for what mania could've been if they'd just returned to their roots. that'll come soon though.

Boomerang my head Back to the city I grew up in Again and again Forever a Lake Effect kid

Oh, I got the skyline in my veins Forget your nighttime Summer love on a gurney with a squeaky wheel And joke us, choke us 'Til Lakeshore Drive comes back into focus I just wanna come back to life Spark my crazy head to keep you warm at night

summer love :))) it never ends :))))))

2023 saw the release of so much (for) stardust. this is one of the strongest albums they've had since the hiatus and i really, really love a lot of it. as New as it feels, it's still very fall out boy at its core and it's full of heart and it's passionate and it's pure.

We were a hammer to the statue of David We were a painting you could never frame and You were the sunshine of my lifetime What would you trade the pain for?

^ love from the other side. pete has likened patrick to sunshine, sunsets, sunlight, and the color gold many, many times while talking about him. there are a lot of songs where he uses the sun as a metaphor for longing, something he can never reach because he's eternally eclipsed in shadow.

My moodboard is just pictures of you, but I'm not sad anymore So make no plans and none can be broken, no plans and none can be broken But I didn't take the love when I had the chance, but I swear I'm not sad anymore So make no plans and none can be broken, no plans and none can be broken

Do you laugh about me whenever I leave? Or do I still need more therapy?

Love is in the air, I just gotta figure out a window to break out Buried alive inside my dreams, but it was all a fake-out And I don't care, I just gotta figure out a window to break out Buried alive inside my dreams, but it was all a fake-out, fake-out

Oh-oh, we all started out as shiny dimes But we all got flipped too many times We did it for futures that never came And for pasts that we're never gonna change

fake out makes me want to die in the most intense way, mainly because there's something so utterly familiar about it. it's SO fob and it's one of the best tracks they've put out since the hiatus. it's also .. so ..... it's very similar to fourth of july for me. this is recovery from the pain and finally coming to acceptance while acknowledging the past, love that was never reciprocated. it's not something that ever really goes away. it'll linger, especially when you still see so much of that golden boy that you first fell in love with the second he opened his mouth and began to sing to you.

i will state emphatically that through all my speculation, none of this is meant to be taken at face value aside from the direct quotes and irl incidents. most music comes from anywhere and everywhere within an artist. artists draw from their real life and nothing has to be literal, but pete writes about a lot of real people. grey is about as subtle as a sledgehammer when it comes to his representation of people he knows irl. sometimes he's writing about exes and sometimes he's writing a story. sometimes he's writing about patrick. we never really know for sure. but it's fun to think about!

i'm really passionate about them and i adore their relationship inside and out. a lot of it is really fucked up and weird and twisted and crazy and a lot of it is genuinely so beautiful and tragic. even if they're not fucking and never have and have never thought about it, they're undoubtedly soulmates in any way you feel like interpreting that. they love each other massively and endlessly and it's a fire that has refused to really die for over twenty years. i love them a lot and i hope you enjoyed this essay!!!

[livwritesstuff]

plant dad steve my beloved

“Alright, Steve-o, I gotta head out,” Robin says, sticking a wrapped granola bar between her teeth so she has a free hand to grab Steve’s car keys off the kitchen counter, “I have something for you, though.”

She shoves the plain brown paper bag she’d been holding into Steve’s arms with an expectant look on her face.

Steve raises an eyebrow.

“Now?”

“Yes, now. I didn’t want to wait until later because — well, just look and you’ll get it.”

Steve opens the bag and knows instantly it’s a plant. He reaches inside and pulls it out by the plastic pot.

“Oh shit, an alocasia! Thanks, Rob, this is a good fuckin’ find.”

Robin doesn’t respond immediately, her eyes on the big, green leaves of the alocasia plant.

Steve glances up at her.

“You good?”

“Yeah, it’s just…you think those leaves kinda look like the Mind Flayer?”

“What the fu—” he stops, glancing at the alocasia again, “Shit, man, it kinda does.”

Robin starts to snicker, because it’s been seven years since the gates to the Upside Down were closed for good, seven years of growth and healing, so she can laugh about some of those things now and Steve can’t help a laugh either.

“Stop ruining shit for me, Rob.”

“I’m sorry. Pretend I didn’t say anything. Look — when I bought it the guy said it hasn’t been watered in a while and needs a new pot and all that kinda crap you get excited about so now you have a project for today to take your mind off of how you’re spending your birthday all alone.”

Steve smacks her arm.

“Don’t be a dick, you’re the reason we’re in Tacoma, anyways.”

“No,” Robin argued, moving towards the door, “I’m the reason we came to Tacoma. You’re the reason we’re still here and will be for another two goddamn years. I’ll be back at, like, four, and there better not be potting soil all over the place.”

“Whatever. That’s still better than your fuckin’ paint,” he fires back as she’s walking out the door, “Drive safe. Don’t crash my car.”

“Uh-huh,” she calls, already halfway down the hall, “Love ya!”

And then she’s gone.

Steve looks back to his new plant. It really does look like the Mind Flayer — something about the shape of the leaves, he thinks — but a plant, in his eyes, is still a plant no matter how many traumatic memories it may trigger, so it doesn’t take long for him to put on a mixtape Eddie had made for him a few weeks back that he’s been listening to pretty much nonstop and busy himself with the alocasia.

Steve had started caring for houseplants nearly five years ago now, when his advisor had given out small ferns at a course registration event during his sophomore year of college. He had expected the plant to wither away and die after only a few weeks but, to his own astonishment, it actually thrived under his care. Not long later, the nearby grocery store put out a little display of houseplants in colorful plastic pots so, with all the confidence of someone who'd successfully kept one plant alive for a month, Steve bought two.

Honestly, Steve hadn’t expected to have a green thumb in the way he apparently does. After all, each one of his plants has different needs from the next, different light or water or soil or some unique combination of the three. He hadn’t expected that he’d be able to keep it all straight in his (somewhat mangled) brain — the same brain that still hasn’t memorized his course schedule for this semester yet — but pursuing a doctorate in psychology has taught him that he’s actually good at learning when it's something he cares about, something he can find a passion in.

And he really does like the plants, too. They look nice in the apartment — they bring the cramped little space to life, he thinks, and it’s nice to be surrounded by life, to be cultivating life after everything he’s been through and everything he’s done. It’s nice to know he can keep things alive, that he can take care of something so it can grow and bloom, so he leans into it. 

After those two grocery store plants (a pothos and a dracaena that are both still alive and kicking), his collection started to increase exponentially, hitting its peak about a year later when the apartment looked more like a forest than an actual living space. Eventually, it reached a point where even Robin had needed to put her foot down, and Steve had half-heartedly admitted she was correct. After a while of giving plants away (and the odd one dying every so often), it returned to a much more reasonable state.

Steve is halfway through moving the new alocasia plant that definitely doesn’t look like the Mind Flayer at all into a larger pot, his hands filthy with potting soil he’s valiantly trying to keep out of his hair, when the phone rings.

“Shit,” he mutters, dusting off his hands as best as he can before grabbing the phone, “Hello?”

“Do my ears deceive me or is that the birthday boy?”

Steve feels himself starting to smile at the sound of Eddie’s voice, his lips twisting up before he can even think about it.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey yourself,” Eddie replies, “Happy birthday.”

“Thanks. Woulda been better if you were here.”

“Yeah, baby, I know. I wish I was there, too.”

“How’s Montana?” Steve asks, “Worth not being here?”

Eddie makes a noncommittal noise, “Not sure if traveling’s my thing. Nice to get outta Indiana, though.”

Steve hums his agreement.

CONTINUE ON AO3

[ofsunnydays-and-moonlitnights]

Another great day of saving the sharks

Intro Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 <- You are Here

Chapter 3: A Neon glow

It’s Kai, your boss, your supervisor and team leader. 

You wipe the grogginess off your face, clear your throat and answer.

“Hey, Kai… Is everything alright?” 

“I know I’ve probably just woken you up, but we have a situation. Your Solar is ok, it's kind of related but different, would you come into work?”

You scratch the back of your neck. “Yeah sure I can be there in twenty.” 

“Thanks, and sorry.” he ends the call. 

You sigh. At least you got seven hours of sleep. 

You arrive at the Aquariums and Kai is waiting for you outside. 

“Thanks for coming, especially after the day and night you’ve had.” 

“It’s ok, what was so urgent?” 

He leads you to the back rather than through the front. “We got a call from this lady who lives in a fishing village on the other side of the island.” 

You know the island he’s talking about, they’re not very friendly with the Mers. It's the one off the shore from the cove you’re currently looking over, if you squint you could see it from here on a clear day. It was unfortunately cloudy today. 

“About?” you ask. 

“She said there's a Luna that comes out at dusk right at fishing prime time, the fishermen find it annoying and they’re so fed up they said next time they see him they’re going to kill him.”

You gasp. “We can’t let that happen.”

Kai nods. “If we leave now we might get there before them, we could relocate him or…” 

“You want me there to befriend him so our Solar has a friend?”

“It would definitely make your job easier.” 

You nod… “Wait, what do you mean by that?” 

He gives you a knowing side-eye and there's a pause before he keeps walking. “Your second wetsuit was wet and you have a rash that looks very much like the one someone might get from exposure to fish medicine,” he says matter of factly.

You’re lost for words but only for a second… “How do you know so much?”

He stops walking as you finish your journey around the building.

“Go suit up, we got your suit washed and dried.” 

You head in the back door baffled. You suit up and head to the boat. 

“No one else is joining us?” 

He shakes his head as he starts to unmoor the boat. “They’re setting up the big tank for the Celestials, there’s a lot of work to be done.”

You step in as he undoes the last rope. 

“You all set,” he asks.

“Yep.” 

He starts the engine and you set off, it’ll take a few hours to get there.

A moment of silence is shared between you both as you admire the ocean. 

“You can still back out, you know.” he casually states. 

“Why would I? How could I?” 

He sighs. “It’s dangerous, I know what they’re like.” 

“And how do you know so much?” 

“Hey, I was already a certified marine biologist and Celestial researcher before you even started college.” 

“You make it sound like you’re miles older than me, it’s only what? five years?”

“Yeah, but you can learn a lot in five years…” 

“I’m sure but that's not what this is is it? tell me the real reason you know so much about all this. And tell me, why do you keep checking I’m ok with this project?”

He sighs… “I used to work at Fazbear Zoo and aquariums.” 

You look over at him. “What? No way… I never knew.” 

“I never told any of the team. I was only a junior there but I knew the girl, and the guy who died was our team leader.” 

“I’m so sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” he lets out a faint chuckle. “The guy was an asshole. I wasn’t there on the day it happened but I know for sure he probably yelled at Charlotte over something silly again. Might have even threatened to fire her again.” 

“And you stuck to marine biology and studying celestials?”

He nods. “It’s not their fault we don’t understand them, also not their fault a jerk and an idiot made himself a target.”

“But still…” 

He shrugs. 

“So… How did you end up with Cove?”

“The owner offered me a job, he didn’t care where my last job was, well actually he kind of did but because he was interested in their work. He’s the main reason you can start your research, Henry vouched for you.” 

“He did?” 

Kai just nods. 

“Oh I have a question.” you giggle. “Did they really have a singing bear?” 

He laughs. “Kind of yeah. It was mostly a gimmick but Freddy the Bear could sing, not like how we think of singing, but yeah kind of.” 

The rest of the ride was pretty chill, you mostly had a catch-up. Kai may have been your boss but he always made sure to be friends with all his team, maybe his past experience affected that but he was overall just a good guy, he gave you mom friend vibes. 

Soon enough the sun was setting and you reached the other side of the island you passed the village. The lady had let Kai know where the fisherman usually encountered the ‘Sea-monster’. As you got closer you started getting the gear ready, you slipped your knife into the pocket on your belt, and your torch. You then started getting two oxygen tanks ready just as you heard a commotion. 

“JUST DIE YOU DASTARDLY SEA  MONSTER.” one of the fishermen yelled. 

You looked over as the boat was still getting closer, in a net hanging out of their boat, scribbling and scratching all limbs akimbo was a luna, dark scales with a slight glow to them in the low light. He roared.  As they poked at his tough scales with fishing harpoons. 

“HEY!” You yelled. 

Your boat being a retired Coast Guard boat had lights and Kai made sure to put them on. It definitely spooked the fisherman. 

“He steals our fish and terrorises our village.” one barks back. But the other had let go of the net in panic and the sea monster began to sink. 

Kai had grabbed the megaphone and was negotiating with them, something about relocation, letting you know if any more sea monsters bothered them, you couldn’t really hear them over your newest bad decision. You jumped head-first into the water. You hadn’t even grabbed goggles or anything. You could just about see him through the blur of the ocean. The saltwater now stinging your eyes as you swam as fast as you could. His glow was more vivid the deeper he sunk. You caught up, cutting away at the net as best you could and lifting him by his underarms. As buoyant as a shark might be, he was still heavy and you felt like you were getting nowhere. No matter how fast you kicked your legs you were barely keeping yourself from sinking, and you were struggling for air. 

Bubbles in the distance caught your eye and the next thing you know, both you and the Luna were hoisted up onto the boat. 

You gasped for air for a moment catching your breath. 

“You’re so reckless.” he chuckles. 

“Is he ok?” You scrambled up and quickly tended to the luna. Kai handed you a first aid kit. You patched your fishy friend up as best you could before Kai helped you hoist him into the tank. 

“What happened with the fishermen?” you quired.

Kai set the boat back up to return, the sky now turning dark. “They skedaddled while I was fishing you out.” he sighed. 

“I’m sorry, I just…”

“I know.”

You look over the mer in front of you. He was all black with a blue glow to him. 

“Would you say he’s a lantern shark? He’s a bit big but…” 

“His scales and glow say so… he’s much bigger than usual, he could be a kitefin shark.” 

“I think you’re right.” you nod looking back at him he was much scrawnier than the Lemon shark back at the aquarium, and his glow, it was fascinating, it’s not every day you get to see a bioluminescent shark, nevermind a Mer one. 

“I think I’ll call him Neo, short for neon.” 

“Sounds good.” Kai hums mostly concentrating on driving the boat in the dark.

You over at Neo, you hope his injuries heal, he had a few bad ones, you even had to sew one up. Other than his cuts on his tail and net burn he seemed alright, nothing vital was hit, but he’d lost quite a bit of blood. His eyes slowly opened revealing a red glow to his pupils typical of lunas. 

“You’re safe… just sleep,” you whispered softly. 

He brought his hand up to you but it quickly fell, his claw leaving a scratch on your face. 

“Do I need to tranq him?” 

“No,” you call back. “The pure exhaustion and the small amount of anaesthetic I gave him should do the trick.” 

[hsangel64]

･ ｡ﾟ☆:study sesh : *.☽ .

⤷ pairings: ellie williams x fem!reader college au

⤷ summary: you invite your gf ellie over to study but she likes just messing with you and seeing you get frustrated…she thinks it’s cute

⤷ warnings: suggestive words but nothing really!

⤷ a/n: this is my first fic!! pls be nice ! i’ll have more soon and will take requests if you send them !! i hope you enjoy! <3

you <3

‘hey come over and study with me i miss u :(‘

els <3

‘okay baby just give me a few mins to grab my stuff i’ll be right over :]’

you smiled real big knowing your lovely gf will be here soon to study with you. you had already sorta predicted there wouldn’t be much studying going on but it’s worth a try!

you grab you textbook out and you grab your notes from earlier and laptop to try and start on this horrid math assignment. yuck! math has never been a strong suit but you had to retake it since you flunked last semester… you got really focused on trying to figure out this problem that you didn’t even hear that ellie had been knocking at the door until you get a call. you jump startled at the fact your phones ringer was on.

“hey pretty can you let me in i’ve been knocking for a little?”

“oh shit sorry els i was working on something!” you jump up and run to the door.

“hi baby!” you jump a little happy to see your gf even if you did just see her this morning for breakfast. you give her a kiss on the lips and follow her back into your room.

“hi pretty, what we’re you doing that you didn’t hear my continuous knocking-“ she let out a cute giggle.

“oh sorry i was starting on my math and had just completely tuned out everything!” she kissed you on the cheek and sat down with her bag right next to you on your desk. you had an extra chair just for her to be able to sit next to you and do your homework together!

“what are you going to work on today els?”

“oh! i have this art project due so i was just going to finish it up.” you nod and turn on some light lofi study music. this usually helps you stay focused. you get to working again and get through these problems fairly easily. you’re about halfway when ellie grabs your waist and puts her head on your shoulder. you lean into her a little more but you don’t let yourself get too comfortable and distracted.

not even two minutes later you feel ellie start to kiss your cheek a little. you knew she would start distracting you at some point so you just try and keep working.

“baby.” you move your head to look at ellie.

“i’m bored can we cuddle…” you giggle at her puppy dog eyes. it’s so hard to resist.

“once i’m done with this assignment i’m almost done i promise.” you go back to your work and ignore the long sighs coming from your gf.

another two minutes go by and she’s at it again kissing at your cheek but now starting to move her hands to tickle you. you jolt a little and push her hands away, with you being very ticklish the slightest touch in certain areas makes you move away quicker. of course she knew your weak spots.

“els please no tickling you know i hate it-“ she ignores you and moves her hands back to tickle you even more. you don’t want her to get what she wants so you try not to laugh and just try and move her hands away. you turn away and try to start on your homework again but can’t help and see her smirk from beside you.

she moves her arms back to tickle you even harder which results in you pushing her hands away and yelling “no no no !!!”

you sigh, frustrated, that she won’t quit tickling you even though she knows you hate it. you know exactly what she’s trying to do but you need to finish this before anything.

“ellieee seriously please stop.” you huff a little and go back to your work. it’s silent for a couple seconds before she comes back to you and puts her head on your shoulder.

“you’re cute when you’re frustrated” her looking at you with a goofy smile.

“you love when i mess with you because you love me.” she puts her two fingers under your chin to face her. and you’re completely hooked.

“i do love you a lot.”

“okay if you love me so much you’d take a break and cuddle with me.” you roll your eyes playfully and crack a small smile.

“who says you’ll keep your hands to yourself and we won’t do anything else…” you cock and eyebrow.

“you know it’s hard for me when my girlfriend is so goddamn sexy.” she grabs at your sides and you let out a giggle. at this point you guys are basically forehead to forehead, breathing on each others lips.

“you know you wouldn’t mind if my hands wandered anyways.”

“maybe…maybe not.” you leaned in and kissed her. she grabbed the sides of your face to deepen the kiss. when you pulled you sighed.

“fine we can cuddle-“ you giggled as she pulled you up and carried you over to the bed. you squealed when she basically dropped you onto the bed and laughed loudly. she really loved hearing you laugh because most of the time it was because of her.

“i love you so much baby.” she said and kissed your forehead.

“i love you so much els.”

[aliceinborderlandsquidgame]

Chishiya x Reader

I hope you know what you are doing

So do I

I could kiss you right now

AU - College AU - SFW

You let out a silent scream seeing your final result.

You were doing a big assigment for one of your most important classes. So far the results you had got were too away from the result range the professor had give.

All your notes, books, lapto and calculator were out. Your eyes were tired, your limbs felt numb and you were on the verge of tears.

"Wow"

You turned to see your friend (crush) and roommate Chishiya enter the small aparment you two shared.

You gave him a "dont say it" look, you were by no means ready to deal with Chishiyas harsh words.

"I was going to say Hello and if you have had dinner but nevermind" Chishiya said pulling his arms in a surronding way.

"Sure, just- just dont act"

"What? Smart?" Chishiya joked seeing you roll your eyes at him. "Were you crying?" He then asked in a more serious tone.

"What?" You were so distracted a few tears had fall. You touched them and put them away "im just tired, I have been with this dam project for all day and night and I still cant get a close result" you explained trying to make it seem as not a big deal yet as you talked you were almost going to cry again.

Chishiya nodded, he looked at all your work and seemed to go deep in tought, he saw all the equations and notes around. He could tell you were doing your best for the subjetc.

"I hope you know what you are doing" Chishiya finally said, picking a red pen getting ready to correct your work.

You took the red pen from his hand.

Chishiya took another red pen from his own pincel case and started to correct your answers. He knew you could do it, he had seen you do lots of harder projects. You were just too tired and sturbbon to ask for help.

"So do I" you then went into your room and then to the batrhoom.

He also made some notes about the process, once he finished he checked the final answer range seeing he had got really close (almost perfect) to the final result.

He then went to his own room to crash on his bed. You looked so pretty when he came in, all your hair was a mess, you were biting your lower lip and giving him a "menance" look. It all just made you look more beautiful.

"What are you doing to me" Chishiya wonder out loud. Feelings were a complicated thing for him, he knew he could feel but he felt different. Yet you never had a problem with it. You were by his side since you two were kids and follow him up till college.

He was sure he did not deserve you, yet he was too egoistical to let you go.

Once you returned fresh from your shower and saw all the corrections from Chishiya your first wish was to go to his room and scold him, shit you knew he was doing with good heart but you felt bad....sometimes you wished you could suprise Chishiya more, to make him see you as someone worth of his friendship and love.

Chishiya got a call from you while he was waiting for his next class. He answer with a small "mhm" and got worried as he hear your breathing being too quick.

"CHISHIYA! MY PROJECT WAS THE CLOSES TO THE FINAL RESULT" You screamed getting a few nasty looks from other people.

"Oh...congratulations"

"Listen, im happy for you. I know that class have been giving you some bad time and headache. I helped you because I was tired of seeing you suffer".

"Yeah yeah, its not a big deal for someone like you and-"

You stopped on your tracks, listening to his words. They were so sincere and full of something.

"And I could kiss you right now"

.....

"What?" You asked almost falling thanks to a staircase.

"What I said, I know you must be a blushing mess right now, you must have your eyes so wide open...."

"Do it then" you mutter in a challenging tone.

"Tonight, just wait for me. I need to go now. See you"

You stood froze, not knowing what to do then a big smile broke in your face being too happy to care from the stares you got as you jumped in happyness, quickly texting Kuina to tell her everything.

Chishiya is going to kiss me tonight

[punkkatz7]

maybe, your gonna be the one that saves me

chapter 2!

The morning after the party was decent for Amber

She didn’t drink much last night so she wasn’t really hung over or anything (for the first time in a while). She also realized she could probably learn more about tara today considering Liv would be able to form a coherent sentence, and she didn’t have any classes today.

Still you’d probably she her studying but people still think she’s scary and big and mean. She thought it was so weird cause she was just like any other student there.

Amber thought about sending tara a dm but she really wouldn’t know what to say. Truth is Amber kinda nervous. She doesn’t want to seem like she’s trying to hook up or something.

After getting a shower amber gets dressed in baggy blue jeans, a white shirt, and her green flannel over it she slips on her shoes and grabs her backpack and walks out the dorm. She found a desk and started working . Amber was decently smart in general but average in school she was maybe a c-b+ averaging student. She tried to care about her education it was just hard for her sometimes.

suddenly she heard a voice behind her “hey Amber!” it was Liv walking over to her. “hi Liv”. The bubbly girl pulled up a chair and sat next to her. She stared on and in about the drama with her and chad and even though amber felt a little bad for not listening she couldn’t care less. “He’s so

stupid, like just cause your a star on the football team your not hot shit in my eyes like act normal please. you know what i mean?” “uh huh” Amber really wasn’t paying attention now. “Ambs” Liv snaps.

“Im sorry it just seems like you guys just have a lot” Amber sighed “well you know how it is with us” Liv stops her rant.

“What’s wrong?” Liv asks she call tell ambers kinda off. “Liv what do you know about Tara Carpenter ?” Amber wanted to try and listen to Liv but she couldn’t stop thinking about last night. “Oh yea i remember you asking me last night” Liv’s shit eating grin made amber want to walk away at that moment. “She just moved here with her older sister Sam. i talked to her a few days ago she’s really nice”. Amber thought that’s mainly what Liv said last night..but wait she said she had a sister. “A sister?”, Amber was kinda curious about that even though it wasn’t really big information. “Yea she lives with her off campus in their apartment with Quinn”.

Amber knew her. Quinn. Shes Ethan’s sister. Ethan is chads best friend they’re both dorks (in Ambers opinion) but Ethan is more bearable. She hadn’t personally met quinn but Ethan had talked about her and posted photos with her. “Quinn? like Ethan’s sister Quinn?” Amber wanted to make sure she was thinking of the right person. “It’s a small world huh?” It was a weird coincidence to her but it could get her closer to Tara. “So do you think i should dm her, we talked last night and maybe i could be her friend” Amber told Liv about what she was pondering. She didn’t think she could be friends with her. Tara looked like a really sweet girl Amber didn’t want to be a dick to the new girl.

She didn’t want to be as bad as she used to be. Being known in high school for throwing ragers in her parent’s huge house. sometimes hooking up with people at said ragers. Being rude to people and kinda a jerk. It was particularly because she got roped in with the popular kids. She started being around them. But only in school. And never did she really care about their drama.

She just had a few friends she would be with, mainly just liv. Amber was average person around senior year and then when she started college she fell back in to some of her old habits. Drinking, staying out late, partying, hooking up. But it started getting boring, she kinda wanted more than that. Amber was already known for being a party throwing-hooking up type of girl. now she was changing it. Amber wasn’t always the worst but she knew she could be better.

“dm her ? i think yea if you want to talk to her” Liv gave her response. Amber thought about it for a little longer and figured she would give it a shot. What’s the worst that could happen. Amber figured she would text her later after she finished studying and working on homework. she had a test coming next week. “Hey Liv thanks i have a few things to finish”. Liv understood amber typically works on things with music or she likes to be alone. She always hated group projects, especially when she would be put in a group with a girl she hooked up with and ghosted. It happened a few times and she just wouldn’t work on those projects.

After Liv left Amber put on her headphones and started playing her favorite playlist. It wasn’t the best to study but it fit her mood.

Amber worked for a while and after she finished all her homework she left to get some food. A lot of times she’ll forget to eat while she’s doing something. It’s a really bad habit of hers but today she’s glad she went to the cafeteria. She ran into Ethan and she didn’t really care for small talk. “Hey Ethan i heard about your sister’s new roommates. Have you met them or like do you know anything about them.” Ethan was a little confused Amber especially never cared about his sister, but he knew she probably just wanted to know about the new girl at their school. “Basically they’re from a small town trying to get away from it and Tara wanted to go here for college so here they are.” That was so simple it was basically what Liv told her. “Anything else?” Amber pushed. Ethan shrugged, well that was helpful.

After amber got her food and ate she walked around a bit, it was kinda of nice day. Amber really loved fall her favorite holiday was Halloween. She would dress up as her favorite horror characters, she loved horror. Sometimes the character personality’s would feed into hers.

Once she got back to her dorm she changed and dropped on her bed. Immediately she got out her phone and decided to dm tara. She had thought about it all day and thought it could turn out okay. She followed her. Not even 5 minutes later she got a follow back. Amber opened Insta to send her a message. Now she just is wondering what to say.

[damnedrainbows]

So here’s something cool about me that I’m mulling on today. I’ve had dreams that have predicted the future since I was a kid.

Ever since I was I think twelve I’ve often relied on my very spiritual dreams to tell me what might happen, or how I really feel. Due to my autism I’ve always had a hard time detecting my own feelings, and it’s been my dreams that seem to know what I don’t. This can be as little as me thinking my mental state is fine but having dreams instead where I have huge screaming melt downs, or fights with someone that usually wind up happening. To this day if I dream I have a break down I know to expect it in a few days.

Impressive? Not really. But here we move on to some actually impressive shit that I to this day, cannot really explain.

When I was twelve I dreamed I saw the silouhette of a man in a hospital bed two days before my grandfather’s first big stroke. My family was baffled since I hadn’t seen him in weeks and had no way of seeing any potential signs one would happen.

When I was fifteen I dreamed for a solid week I was with this baby boy. I couldn’t make out his face, only this oddly familial feeling I had towards him, like he was my kin. I mentioned it to my Mom, who thought maybe I was dreaming of my own future child or something. Exactly a month later from the dream’s beginning she told me she was pregnant.

There were littler ones through out the years. I woke up once to the smell of smoke no one else could smell, and the next day there was a small fire in the basement from a faulty light. None were always so big but it did reach a point that my family grew wary of my dreams and started to take them more serious.

They seemed to stop after a while, although I often had experiences I now know is called ‘astral projecting.’

When I was in college I dreamed I had feelings for my best friend, and from that point on my feelings had changed. We dated and it was my first actual relationship and only one with a guy.

When I was 24 I dreamed for the first time I was with this woman, and we were in a relationship. Never in my life had I had feelings towards women (but of course until then I didn’t really have feelings for men either). It woke something up in me and it was…literally my gay awakening. I joke I woke up gay one day because that’s literally how it felt. I know that’s not how it works, but hey, it’s a funny joke.

Since then I’ve had smaller things, usually related to my mental state though. Such as dreaming about a melt down when I thought I was doing good, only to crash the next day.

Anyway, last night I dreamed I found a cellphone I lost over a year ago. I don’t remember where it was, just that I found it. Today Nana found my cellphone and gave it to me.

I’m not really a spiritual person…intentionally. Astral travels that I never even intend to do aside, I don’t try to be spiritual. I believe there’s a rational explanation for everything, since the mind can pick up on things we don’t notice it does. There could have been subtle signs of Mom’s pregnancy, or Papa’s stroke, and me not being able to summon attraction for guys or girls in school is telling, but it is interesting to think about.

I have dreams that predict the future 😏

[beerose-blog]

So, hello. I'm Bee. If you're one of my friends, you may recognize the title "Bee's Gradual Guide To Success". If you don't, it was actually the title of one of my personal "article series"/blogs that I made last November. I started it off with a lot of excitement, but I eventually got discouraged about myself and moved on, feeling so mortified about it that I wished I had never written it, even though my friends said it was really good. Here it is:

I think the funniest thing about this blog series is that it was all about being "real". You know, we live in a world where everything is completely over-saturated with success, and it's hard to find someone who will speak the truth about their experiences and failures. In the blog, I said and I quote:

"That’s actually the purpose of this blog/guide. First of all, I want to let the world know it’s OKAY to not know what you’re doing. Everyone, even the most successful people started from the very beginning. We live in a world that’s filled to the brim with the success stories of others- it can be overwhelming and make our own goals seem vast, intimidating, and unachievable."

Through my blog, I wanted to let everyone know that it was okay to have setbacks, that it was okay to fail at things; that all these obstacles would help us eventually succeed at whatever we wanted to do. And many people liked it. And then, do you know what happened?

I stopped writing it because I felt like a failure.

Now, let me tell you a little something about myself: I am the QUEEN of trying, failing, and giving up. I have had countless, countless career aspirations and dreams. I've wanted to be a business woman, running my own coffeeshop/bookstore called the CoZe Café. I've also wanted to be an artist who would sell commissions. For a very long time I also wanted to be an animator. I've had aspirations to run my own online shop with knitted and crocheted goods, I've wanted to be a seamstress, an accountant, the list goes on and on and on. It doesn't help, either, that I've got a cocktail of mental health diagnoses including bipolar 2 hypomania, which effectively makes me feel like a god that can achieve absolutely anything. But two times, so far, I've settled on novelist/editor.

Novelist/editor. What would it truly be like to live that dream? To work in some big publishing house, editing what could be the next famous author's story - making their dreams a reality, validating them. It sounds great! Right?

Well, I'm not quite at this point yet. In fact, about an hour ago, I was completely at my wit's end, even considering dropping my classes. You see, I'm an English major, working to get my Associate's degree at a Community College. The plan, currently, is to eventually get a PhD in English from Harvard. However that plan definitely seems far away considering this is my first semester and I'm already many, many assignments behind. It's week two, by the way.

Thus, once again, things become stagnant. I ask myself, "What do I do? How am I ever going to succeed? Am I just a failure like they all said I was?". And am I? It certainly seems so so far. But yet, someone told me I'm not.

This particular person told me exactly this:

"so i say, its not too late for you."

The "so i say" is in reference to the other part of the story he told me. He had spent his life working on various projects, writing and others, only to lose them all with the loss of his computer. So, he gave up. He worked, worked, and worked. He even said he was "Just a tired adult without hobbies". Until finally, he found a certain community, the same one where I met him. And through that community, he found friends and his love for writing once again. And he didn't give up. In fact, I'd even boldly claim to say he never gave up, as writing eventually DID come back to him.

So what about me? What should I do? Writing itself has been a theme all throughout my childhood, starting way back with my first attempted novel titled "Billy & Mandy" that I scrawled in a black composition notebook at age 8. It's always been present, coming back to me in bursts and staying longer each time. So what do I do now? Do I simply just "give up" on that dream?

And now, as you read, you may be wondering things. "What is the purpose of this? Isn't her blog called 'Bee's Gradual Guide To Success?' Where does success come in? What's happening? All she's talked about is her failures."

Or perhaps, you are just scrolling along, and clicked this by mistake. Or maybe your phone is in your pocket, and you've mistakenly buttdialed my tumblr account. Who knows! The world is full of endless possibilities!

However, if you are wondering what my purpose is by writing this, it's very simple:

There isn't any.

The only real purpose I have is personal; I am just trying to document my life, just in a public format.. Maybe, by sharing my story of success and failure, it will help you. Maybe you will continue to scroll. Either way, I will be here, posting. It makes me happy to do this, to document my story in vivid, painted detail. The idea excites me. And maybe someone out there will connect with my struggles, and find the courage to keep moving forward in the darkness, knowing there's someone out there just like them.

So I guess in that case I lied in a way, there is sort of a purpose. I mean, what did you expect? It is called "Bee's Gradual Guide To Success". And the main fact is, I have no idea what I'm doing.

So I wish you luck in your own journey, if you do end up seeing this - and maybe you'll find some of yourself in mine.