#my nightmares are vivid but these dreams i cant remember

[clownery-blog]

I have vague memories from recent dreams of being a clown in a circus and some of going to a clown convention and I can't remember anything from any of those dreams, It makes me so sad :•(

[jaunejonquille]

I hate having nightmares and uncomfortable dreams every single night

[dollfaced-erin]

𝔻𝕣𝕒𝕘𝕠𝕟'𝕤 ℂ𝕣𝕒𝕕𝕝𝕖 (Blade x F!Reader x Jing Yuan)

PART 6

PART 1 , PART 2 , PART 3 , PART 4 , PART 5

taglist :

@rebeccawinters , @nayukiyukihira , @pix-stuff , @fluffy-koalala , @swivy123 , @starxao , @kaoyamamegami , @kimura-uzuri , @rsvye , @seikouryuu

P/s : to those who req to be on the taglist but didn't get their notifications, please check your privacy settings !! i cant seem to find youu :((

A/n :

there was a little more i wanted to put into this chapter for a sweet ending, but was a little too long. So i'll make the next chapter extra romantic hehe !! And i should be preparing a special chapter soon for all the support ! So, shall i write a modern AU themed with this fanfic ??

"So, was that the girl of your dreams ? Looks pretty young to me." a magenta haired woman laughed as her colleague returned to reunite with her at their rendezvous.

"Is she another one of those...Vidyadharas ? The long-lived Xianzhou natives ? My, its rare to see them with horns." Kafka said, leaning against an empty container.

"She's special." her companion answered shortly, looking down at his cracked sword in hand. A sword that was once wield by a master of ice arts, speed and strength so accurate, said friend could cut through time itself.

"Yeah, I bet she means a lot to you. You keep on dreaming about her. Dan Jia, was it ?" Kafka asked, and Blade shook his head.

"No. She goes by the name (Y/n) now." Blade answered simply yet once again.

(Y/n)...he didn't remember much of who that woman was in the past. But he could recall some significant details that calmed his nightmares as he slumbered.

Every time he had nightmares, nights Kafka was too far away to quell, he would recall a certain woman in his dreams. How she would dance her heart away. How her steps were as light as a feather.

She would dance, her clothes rippling along as she danced beneath the moonlight elegantly, a simple glass fan in her hands that shone beneath the gaze of the moon. She would sing and hum, her sweet and melodious voice forever guiding him back to light when days were dark.

He wondered what happened to all the fans he had created for her...? The last one he remembered was the crystal fan in her hands which she had kept on her person the most.

He remembered forging and learning glass art and crystals just to see those (e/c) eyes of hers light up in delight. The days and nights he sacrificed and burned his hands. The hours that passed as he learned day by day how to shape it nicely, how to add details, how to blow glass.

(Y/n) had always been fond of the moon. She loved glassy and clear items, hence why he had created so many small accessories for her in hopes of them being insignificant enough to the eye to escape her brother's protective gaze.

All to see those little accessories on his beloved.

The change of name...from Dan Jia to (Y/n) wasn't much of a shock to him. Nor did he try to deny that it was her name. No, it wasn't because she was the same person.

That woman named Dan Jia...had died. Long...long ago. But was so vivid in his memories.

On the battlefield years ago. Her limp and bloodied body strewn across the ground, her heart missing from her chest.

For some reason, that name (Y/n), with that same face, didn't bother him as much as another person's change in identity did. He wondered why.

He snapped out of it and looked at his colleague. "Let's go, Kafka."

"After you, Bladie. Don't worry, you'll see her again. It's all part of the script."

"I'd rather her not witness the monster I've become."

"Hm...just in case if you want to go see her again, you can go tomorrow night, just to check if she's there." Kafka shrugged, walking off with her colleague trailing behind her.

And the heart in his chest...felt like it was burning alive. It felt as if...dragon claws were being dug into it, in a comforting way. As if to show reassurance. As if...it had met its true owner.

After Blade had left, (Y/n) fell to the ground, wiping away her tears. Her heart hurt. No, her chest felt empty. As if it were missing something...

She didn't remember anything and she felt so lost...so helpless.

But that man...he was warm. He was kind. Contrasting the fact that he was a wanted criminal, contrasting the fact that he had fled from Jing Yuan's grasp, accidental or not.

But those unfamiliar red eyes of his...brought her some memories. brought her some sense of familiarity. Though she didn't recognize him, or he was someone from her distant memory or past self, he was indeed someone dear to her.

But as she was about to continue wallowing in her thoughts and losing herself in her empty memories, the device she had received earlier buzzed in her pocket.

She took out the device, as it shone brightly, blinding her for a moment. She let out a small string of curses, like, why the hell was this...THING (??) so damn bright ?!

But it was a message from Jing Yuan. So she tapped on the white banner, as it automatically led her to the chatting app Jingyan had showed her to use earlier.

"Princess, I hope you're safe. Do you want to come back now ? It's getting late." the message read.

(Y/n) felt her cheeks heating up a little. This flirty General of the Xianzhou Luofu really likes to play his cards and call her princess, huh...?

"I am in no way a princess. But yes, I would like to return now." (Y/n) quickly tapped, finding herself adapting to the new knowledge pretty quickly.

"You are always a princess, (Y/n). Pretty like one too. just take it as a compliment, alright ? This General doesn't hand out compliments as much as you might like." she received back.

She groaned a little in embarrassment. And shook her head with a little smile playing by her lips. She got up from the ground and began to exit the dark alley, where she had an encounter with the Xianzhou's (or rather the IPC) most wanted criminal.

"Yanqing told me he had you sent to the Exalting Sanctum for some fresh air and a change of scenery. From there, you can head north onto a bridge. Then, walk left until you see a Starskiff jetty on your right. You can request a ride to the Seat of Divine Foresight. I shall be waiting for you here." Jing Yuan instructed and (Y/n) nodded, even though he wasn't there to witness it.

"If you're too late, I might come pick you up myself~" he replied once more, and (Y/n) groaned again, turning off the device.

And so she walked off, away from the alley she was in. She didn't mind the stares anymore. She was her own person. She didn't need to hide, since her horns were part of her. And they were of great significance once in the past.

(Y/n) was close to the stairs that would lead her to the bridge Jing Yuan mentioned.

Until someone stopped her.

(Y/n) was stopped with a violent thud of something colliding with the ground behind her. She turned around to see a figure in heavy uniform behind her. A Cloud Knight, she recalled, as Jing Yuan once told her. She couldn't see his facial expression for it was blocked with the metal mask that obscured their face.

"Excuse me, miss. This may sound rude, but are those horns on your head real ?" the knight asked her, skeptically eyeing her from head to toe (or so she thought).

"Yes, the horns on my head are very much real. I suggest to you to not touch them, for they are very sensitive. Like when you bite into ice cream ? Yeah, it feels like that." (Y/n) said, raising a hand subconsciously to protect the horns on her head.

She was feeling very...self-conscious about them now, but she knew the reason behind the horns on her head. The others began to look at the commotion, but rather than looking sorry for her or helping out, they looked at the knight fearfully.

"Miss, you must come with me. I must confirm your identity. No one but the High Elders are supposed to have horns on their head, unless...but you...don't look like..." the knight trailed off, looking at the woman before him.

"You must come with me, quickly." he said, and took (Y/n)'s arm forcefully to a more secluded area.

"Wh-what...? Where are you taking me ?!" (Y/n) exclaimed, snapping her arm away from the knight, growling in instinct.

"No. You must come with me."

"Hands off of the Lady." A suave voice called out from the side.

"General !" the knight saluted, standing up straight as he released the woman from his grasp.

Jing Yuan looked quite angry, pushing (Y/n) slightly behind him, giving her an apologetic look for a moment. "Sorry I'm late, princess. Are you hurt ? My apologies. He's just confused just as many of the others are."

"I thought I had dispatched the news to the Cloud Knights earlier this morning to tell the other Luofu residents. I suppose some of you weren't notified through the headlines. That was...to not confront the horned woman."

"General ! She's...she has horns on her head. This cannot be but an imposter !" the knight tried to clarify, to which Jing Yuan stiffened a little at the word 'imposter'. He glared at the knight before him.

"Imposter...do you know what accusations you are making without base ? This lady before me...is the reincarnation of the Star-Crossed Dragon's Cradle." Jing Yuan revealed, shocking everyone, including (Y/n) herself.

Star-Crossed Dragon's Cradle...? Dan Jia was that...? Just what the hell happened in her past...life or incarnation or timeline or whatever ?

"Lady (Y/n)...is the past High Elder, Imbibator Lunae's sister. The Fallen One during the Sedition of Imbibator Lunae." Jing Yuan said before he looked at (Y/n).

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way, (Y/n). When you're so unprepared. I was sure to make sure most of the residents of the Luofu to remain silent if you passed. I suppose the news slipped minds of some." Jing Yuan said, giving her an apologetic look.

After the commotion was neutralized, Jing Yuan brought her to his estate. Being the ever-gentleman he was, he had provided for her a room in advance. But (Y/n) refused to rest just yet, wanting to hear answers from Jing Yuan himself. And so...

So there they were, sitting down in one of his leisure rooms, where a board of starchess was placed between them. He looked heavy to tell her what exactly transpired, but he knew she had a right to the truth.

He took in a deep breath.

"Princess...before I tell you anything, just know that I did everything for your safety. And most things that transpired in the past, shall not affect you now." he said, and (Y/n) nodded.

"I had shared the information of your awakening to the Cloud Knights to tell to the general public. You were free to roam the Luofu as you desired without interrogation, as you were under my supervision." Jing Yuan said with a heavy sigh, and a smile as he chuckled. he bowed his head, his bangs concealing his eyes further before he rose again.

"Now, like I said, you and the previous High Elder are siblings. Both of you were candidates to inherit the Dragon Heart due to numerous factors, but only one shall be chosen as the High Elder and inherit the said heart." Jing Yuan began, looking straight into (Y/n)'s (e/c) eyes that looked at him curiously.

"But surprisingly, both of you succeeded the Transmutation Arcanum, after passing the dragon transmutation. And between the two of you, Dan Feng was chosen to lead the army due to his immense power and potential, and you were chosen to stay in the back lines due to your healing abilities."

"You, (Y/n), rebirthed from Dan Jia, possessed that heart, and Dan Feng became the High Elder for he was more dominant on field, serving as a more...prominent leader as some would call it. But due to his destructive nature on the battlefield, the heart was transferred to you, where you would be Dan Feng's source of power. And it would always be safe in the back lines."

"So this...Dragon Heart..." (Y/n) started.

"It is a source of power. So as long as it lives, Dan Feng's power remains undisrupted. You are the vessel, and Dan Feng is the output." Jing Yuan tried to explain.

"You used to be the holder of the Heart. Hence the title, the Dragon's Cradle. You held the heart close in your chest, protecting it from everyone and everything. That is...until it was ripped from you."

Her blurry memories from before she awoke began to flash in her mind. The bone marrow. The pain. The guilt. The screams. The ripping...

The pain wasn't only from her back. It was also from her heart.

The heart that was ripped away from her...

But why...?

Her thoughts began to scramble in her mind, not being able to comprehend anything else Jing Yuan was saying. Her vision began to blur as she was beginning to feel overwhelmed.

But she was pulled back to reality was the warm and large hand that was placed on her head. Worried golden eyes melted her heart as they gazed with concern and oozed with warmth.

"That should be enough for today. I apologize, my princess. I suppose that this information may have overwhelmed you." Jing Yuan said, a tender smile on his lips as he caressed her silky strands of (h/c) hair.

"It's late. You should rest up. Come, I shall lead you there..." Jing Yuan said, standing up and offered a hand to her.

(Y/n) took his hand as he led her through the spacious walls of his mansion on the Luofu. Being a general for as long as him and as significant, his riches knew no bounds. But he had nothing to spend it all on...

The last time he made a big spending, was to build the resting house for his dear friend, who lay resting, unknowing when she was to wake up. But now that she was awake, perhaps he wouldn't be as lonely as he used to.

The two walked in silence, Jing Yuan pondering in his own sorrows, and (Y/n) trying to remember the details and admired the traditional interior of Jing Yuan's manor. Then, Jing Yuan stopped and looked at (Y/n). "This is your room. Use it for as long as you'd like."

"In the closet is a few clothes if you'd like to wear them. I've had the servants prepare everything for you. Don't worry, I didn't peek." Jing Yuan said warmly, caressing her hair.

"My room is just next door if you need me. If you think you cant reach me, you can call me. I'll be awake if you need anything, okay ?" Jing Yuan asked and (Y/n) nodded her head.

She was much too baffled by today's revelation, that she had some trouble processing most of what was currently taking place. But Jing Yuan was kind to her, as he had always been since the moment she opened her eyes.

"Okay...thank you...Jing Yuan..." (Y/n) said, looking at him with her glassy (e/c) eyes. Jing Yuan smiled and took her hand, kissing it softly before letting go of her hand for the night.

The general smiled as he watched (Y/n)'s face lit up with a tender and shy blush on her cheeks, finding it amusing and strangely addicting. He lifted his finger to her cheek, lowering his voice to a soft whisper.

"Good night, (Y/n)..." Jing Yuan whispered before he left her, walking towards his own room.

Internally, he was screaming and congratulating himself, tempted to give himself a pat on the back. But that was a party meant for himself in his room. He closed the door, making sure that he was alone as he gazed up at the moon. he smiled longingly, his honey-colored eyes glazed with nostalgia.

"How I wished you'd dance once more, sister of the Imbibator Lunae. The Saltator Lunae, Dancer of the Moon..." he whispered.

[rottonbear]

Analysis of knight terrors: nightwing

***** note *****

i didnt read the whole series, and prefer each character is independent than the others, which means what, for example, superman said in his series does not related to batman's.

***** ***** *****

The main topic of knight terrors is the deepest terror of the character, such as batgirl is too reliant on computer, scarecrow is everything.

As a resident scare expert, scarecrow said, "I think it's your fears we should be scared of, nightwing."

so, what's nightwing's biggest fear?

Base on the scarecrow and oracle, insomnia turns people to their special variant and what they fear most.

Nightwing didnt finish his transforment in the story, but base on his hands and arms, it seems to be a creature like a bird.

a blue bird, horror version of course.

in western culture, blue bird means hope. and in other cultures, beside hope, bird also mean power, and freedom. if we take the first statement, nightwing means hope, power and freedom. if we take the second, he afraid to it.

why does nightwing fear to hope?

there is a communicate between nightwing with robin (damian) in nightwing vol. 4 #20

"when your dad came back, there was a moment I thought it would be better for you if you stayed with me."

"but then i thought i was too young. too untethered. i thought i might not be able to handle the responsibility."

he afraids of the responsibility which comes from when he was called to be the hope.

a blue bird borns to be hope, no need and cant forced to.

though dick did a really good job when bruce out, during bruce back, he is the son again. he is still the little bird enjoys soaring free most.

cause of his really great jobs with titans, in bludheaven, sometimes in gotham, and siblingship with other batfamily, people easy to forget he is also a son.

he is the eldest, he becomes a superhero just like bruce, but he is still a son.

when he is free, he is the hope of the family, when he takes responsibility, he is the batman.

he is the hope, but you cant tell him TO BE the hope. that's still too heavy to him.

this is never a shame to a kid just want to be a kid when their parents is there. it just proves how much love that the kid was given from his man, and also an evidence shows he is really see bruce as his father, a figure that can rely on, and learn from.

then, why scarecrow said they should be scared of nightwing's fear?

in the very beginning of the story, nightiwng lose his memory, and insomnia tried to bring it back to make him weak. however even nightwing remembers what happen, his first reaction was finding a way out to make sure what actually happen but to accept. he even can care what happen to batgirl. just like the TRUTH didnt bother him at all.

insomnia's power didnt work on him like the others.

cause of failure, insomnia tried harder, which make the situation also. and insomnia's failure also mean nightwing's fear is an unknown.

nothing horrible than an unknown (actually, he does fear, he just knows how to handle them so well)

During nightwing's transforment, Insomnia tried five things to stimulate him.

one, killing batman, cause of too shock, nightwing lost the memory

two, john and mary.

I dont think batgirl is one of them, they more like trap in the same dream or space, such as stephanie and cassandra.

three, tony zucco.

fourth, the circus.

fifth, the fire (happened before new52, nightwing #88)

this is how nightwing reply.

To his parents,

"I've had nightmares like this before."

"Never so vivid...so real."

They are too real, he cant control himself tried to feel them again, and in the next second, they turned dust.

after that, he said "you're in my mind."

he sad but didnt fooled

he knows clearly his parents were gone, and never came back. just like he said in many series,

"I wouldn't trade being your partner for anything." batman superman world's world's finest #6

"I miss my parents with my whole heart, Batman, I do. But I wouldn't trade this for the world." batman gotham knights

"you know exactly who I'm the son of." pre new52 nightwing #100

About three to five.

Insomnia said "Naturally. His (Zucco) face still haunts you, after all.", "Maybe we should turn up the heat in here. What do you say?"

Nightwing "You think I haven't lived this a thousand times?", "This is no longer my nightmare..."

here show clearly how nightwing deals with his fear.

face it, until it not a bother anymore.

it is also the reason why he is so special in the batfamily. when there is something bothers him, he talks (self talking is also a kind of talking) and asks for help (Bruce also mentions this in nightwing #100) but keep it aside, or let it drive him.

He didnt step in the darkness and be a part of it, he fight hard until the dawn comes.

about the batman's part, analyze with the speech of him and scarecrow,

"I wont forget what happened here, crane."

"I know you wont. becauce a part of you liked it."

"that time you got to kill daddy."

"Darkness is a part of us."

"the thin margin between dread and desire..."

"tonight you tasted it. and it let you wanting more."

after dick real awaked, he didnt deny anything.

"bad dreams are only dreams."

"but some of them stay with us."

"...I'll be thinking about this one for a long time."

so, why does nightwing want to kill batman?

I think it is the visualize of his anger about bruce. in his subconscious, he afraids one day he will lose control.

Father and son issue is a canon topic in whatever creation.

the first one is the hardest.

and adoptive ever makes this more complicated.

Dick is bruce's first son, first partner, tons of things that even the world's greatest detective can find the correct answers, further may be there is no correct answer actullty.

Bruce is dick's second father, there is also alfred, before being part of wayne family, dick already knew whats a good father should be, and there must be sometimes he compared john with bruce, even he never told bruce or alfred face to face.

in nightwing #89, bruce admitted to clark, "i ve made so many mistakes with dick and look how he turned out."

In Nightwing #100, nightwing showed his understanding to bruce.

"You were young, you were driven, and you were grieving. and you put all that aside to take in a kid who lost everything in an instant."

However, understanding doesnt mean forgiving. Dick didnt show his anger because he cares and knows bruce hv been do his best in the past.

just like he said to jon in world's finest sons part two, "I know how hard it is." and in his 2022 annual

alfred "but surely not without a break."

dick "it's for my own good, alfred."

jon "where'd you learn to be such a good teacher?"

nightwing "I learned it from batman."

one of the most touching thing between bruce and dick is the countless understanding and forgiving.

A heartwarming and realist relationship is not filled with love, but hate and love exist at the same time, and love is always the choice with no doubt.

A son defeats his father meaning a real and full grow up.

so do nightwing and batman.

they argued, they fought, they separated, but never apart.

just like what the end of the story showed us, after the dummy broke down. countless bats fly through the sky. bruce always be the guy who saves dick in the very darkness. even there is full of heartbroke and tear, no matter how hard it is, the bat always guides his little blue bird home, the bat cant light the road, but his little bird do. when they are being gather, their world is bright by hope, and none of them will lost anymore.

To the Dynamic Duo

from nightwing fear stage

comment

i pretty love this story. i think it takes batman and nightwing relationship to a different level, may be just my overthinking :D

[pchelik-please]

Remember my post about a character with not-so-bland-now backstory? Yeah, I wrote a thing about his nightmare.

He's on a concert, with his friends, his favorite singers are performing. He has never been so happy, really. He can hear one of his favorite songs starts playing, his hands up, cheering. Lights switch to a navy blue with white light patches in some places. People around him are happy and some are even crying from joy. But somewhere in the distance, in the furthest corner of a concert hall, he sees a stalker standing on its back legs. Its sharp teeth poking out its mouth, pristine white fur is covered in dark stains, and its eyes are looking right into him. They stare at each other. Sounds drown out. It drops on all four and slowly starts walking at him. He stumbles, looking at it in shock, absolutely terrified. People haven’t noticed it somehow, he wants to warn them but fear chokes him.

Then it starts speeding up. Snow is falling on the concert hall's floor, its surprisingly empty here now. His legs are moving as fast as possible. Lights flash brightly and its already right behind him. It's snowing even harder, Dorzo is trying to push himself away from it, but when he opens his eyes he is on his homeplanet, snow, small bushes and occasional hills are the same. The sky is cloudy and the sun is setting. He's getting colder and colder every second and minute. He know he can’t run from hit forever, he has to think of something, of a way to save himself from the beast.

There is a tall figure in the distance looking for something. His eyes grow wider once he recognizes that person. The same red hat, white pelt and jacket with the smallest violet embroidery. Dorzo's legs are getting weaker, his lungs are burning hot. He tries to scream, to warn his father about the stalker, but nothing comes out of his mouth except frantic coughing and irregular breathing. The ginormous beast behind him is getting faster and when they're running next to each other he wants to scream in terror, but he only stumbles slightly, trying to get away from it. He has to stop it, he has to save him, he has to prevent it all from happening again.

The stalker is outrunning him, Dorzo looks at it in horror. His father seemingly cant see the danger and is just waving to him, happy to see his son after a long day of work. Words cant escape his mouth, he wants to grab his father and protect him from the beast but he seemingly isn't getting any closer. Ground under his feet is moving but nothing else changes. Maybe if he tries harder, if he runs faster, if he screams louder he would be alive.

His cheeks are getting wetter and colder and he painfully falls face first into snow. His right leg hurts so much, he cries ugly tears, he tries to reach out...

But he's simply to late...

"PLEASE, GO AWAY! IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!! DON'T DIE AGAIN, I BEGGING YOU!!! " he screams in his language.

But he can do nothing to save him and he cant even save himself from looking at it all happening.

The stalker lunges at his father, its claws already in his stomach and head and its giant sharp maws are biting into his father's flesh. His stretched out arm lies on the snow, his eyes wide open and tears streaming down his face.

The next moment he opens his eyes and sees his working tablet turned off and the table at his room. He fell asleep while filling out documents, again. He sits up straight and tries to wipe off his tears, but he looks down and sees his foot stuck under the wheel of his chair. Ah, so that's why it hurt so much in his dream. He stands up and stretches out, his nightmares are getting more vivid each time, Chi'ir would not be happy to know that. He also would not be happy to hear that Dorzo was filling out damn documents till 2 a.m. The catman is almost ten years younger than him and he's one of the best psychologists he ever met. That explains how he got there, honestly. He checks if the wheels haven't ran his tail fins over and, yeah, everything the same, nothing hurts, nothing swells up.

He turns off his desk lamp, takes off his shoes and gets his pajamas on. He will have to get his healthy 8 hour sleep in just 4 hours that are left.

Its the first time I publish my fic (???) in English somewhere else cus' its not my native language. I have a few more of approximately the same size and if you want I can upload them here too. So some info about the characters :

Dorzo, 34 y.o. , works as a doctor on a spaceship, doesn't have father (as you could have guessed), sleeps poorly.

Chi'ir, he's around 25 (I don't remember), is a psychologist on a said spaceship, catboy (literally), likes Gen from dr. Stone.

[kaiserkisser]

HWAT THE FUCK WHY DO I FUCKING HAVE NIGHTMARES ABTEXAMS MAN WTH i had this vivid af dream i just woke up from i which i was panicking over my computer exams I EVEN REMEMBER IT WAS FUNCTIONS IN JAVA SPECIFICALLY WTF I HATE THIS why cant i dream about dazai and chuuya instead 😭😭😭

[neuroticboyfriend]

the vivid emotional nightmares have begun

i can't remember it all this time but i had a dream i was back in the psych ward, and we were all fighting to idk... idk what we were fighting together to do, maybe just exist and have fun. but. then it came discharge time. i didnt want to stay locked up under the thumb of psychs. but i didnt want to leave the friends i made there. but i also didnt want to go home to my family.

and then one of the friends i made there got discharged before me (IRL i got discharged before him) and it also made me very depressed. i wasnt even considerably close with him but i looked up to him and.

maybe i'll call today. talk to him. bridge the gap between these realities that is tearing my brain apart. it cant accept im home, it understand ive been discharged, i barely feel human. i dont feel real, nothing feels real. it feels like im dead. like im in limbo. i belong no where, i have no agency, i am stuck, and i am in pain. and nothing will let me out. not even my own brain.

this is my most traumatizing hospitalization. and it only lasted 3 weeks. state lasted 5 months plus another month at their day program. that was very very traumatizing so this being worse tells you a lot.

im not a person anymore. im not anything. and neither is existence. it's all nothing.

[spiderywigglerodstuff]

I have had trouble telling dreams from reality and it is getting worse? Anyone experienced that?

so lately (I say lately but it's been a few months now) I have such detailed and vivid dreams of like, mundane life, or at least just my life but.. different, occasionally much worse, never better. Still living with my mom, for example, or dealing with some situation at work, car accidents, ect. Bad but not.. nightmares, I guess.

Usually I have issues getting back to reality after waking up from these sorts of dreams, but lately they have been getting much more vivid, and sticking with my memory. Most recently, it's been days now, but I had a very in depth heart to heart conversation with my ex about wanting to reconnect one day that went very well and filled me with hope.

It never happened, obviously, but I keep thinking of that in the back of my head, like 'oh that happened, that's something to hang on to and look at fondly' but then I think of it more - focus on that thought, if you will, and I painfully remember that conversation never happened and probably never will.

But I just. cant. shake it. Yesterday I had a dream about getting my apartment all tidied up and perfect and woke up to the shitty reality, now haunting me at work in addition to the boyfriend thing.

It's been getting worse and worse to the point I feel like I cant escape my dreams, as mundane and uninteresting as they are. Is there like a word for this? Or a mental health thing? As far as I am aware this isn't related to my BPD or whatever? if anyone knows what this kinda crap is, feel free to reach out to me. I'm def bringing it up with my psychiatrist next time lol.

[neonsix67]

Dreams are weird and crazy, and if I were to ever get into the science of the brain, this is what I'd want to study.

I've actually wanted to talk about this for a while because I find it bizarre, so for context: I have very realistic, vivid, and interactive dreams. So much so that when I wake up, I really need a 30-minute adjustment period to move from one world back to reality. This adjustment also helps me to remember what my dream actually was. I also feel it's important to point out that I am a very light sleeper, so I have a lot of trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. Because I will wake up multiple times a night, which results in me having multiple dreams per night.

My dreams range from realistic scenarios to the craziest plots you've ever seen,

I only have realistic dreams when I nervous or I know something important is coming up like the first day of school or an important work shift, so ill run scenarios on how to deal with it through my dreams. These dreams usually start people in my life, and it can be so realistic that when I wake up, I really have to question if that was something that really happened or not.

My favorites include the ones where there is a really cool apocalypse. There is some sort of evil, big baddie, or a natural disaster that left the world scrambling. In these, I usually have a mix of people I know and npcs that have intensive backstories that me as the mc already knows. These dreams usually have a bad ending that ends with me being ripped apart or bitten or just dying to wake up. (And mind you, i can have all five senses in my dreams, so when I feel pain, I wake up with the same sorta pain just nulled down) but it's all in good fun, I actually really enjoy these dreams.

The ones I usually don't tell people about are my weird and not easy to explain dreams. In these dreams, we have a sort of hero journey, and these dreams will last FOREVER. The story can shift from one focus to another in a snap, but it all connects together sort of cohesively. Out of all of the dreams I've had like this, each character has been original and not really based on any sort of reference from reality or content I've seen. I am never myself in these dreams, always some convoluted character with a drenched past (and in one case I was actually two at the same time, twins that I managed to see and feel at the same time) These dreams can really mess up my psyche and I have a lot of trouble adjusting back to the real world after waking up, especially if there is no conclusion. However, I do get good story ideas from it.

The most dream-like dreams I've had are the ones where I become aware, and thus in full control. These dream usually start out with a mash of a ton of contrasting ideas. For example: I'm in my elementary school gym with a bunch of weird creatures, outside the window I can see Rudolph the red nosed reindeer and Thomas the tank engine speeding down a street. Then I become hyper aware I'm in a dream and start to take control. These dreams never last long and I usually wake up a couple of seconds after realizing where I am.

With all this said I can have horrible nightmares but I usually blow them off due to their nature. I'm really quick to dismiss any sort of your typical horror as it just doesn't hit me. So my brain really started getting creative, making me witness my murder my own family, drowning myself in a shallow pool (I've never been scared of water, quite the opposite but that is just one that stuck out because I woke up very shaken), dropping babies off a ledge, etc. Pretty much these dreams dig into my fears of committing crimes I would never commit and 9 times out of 10 I usually can't say anything during these dreams. I cant speak, scream, nothing. And I always wake up with a start and drenched in sweat.

Now, the weirdest part I have is when my brain will try to sike me out. Sometimes, when I am done with a dream or am revving to wake up, my dream will "wake up" into another dream, but this dream is exactly my reality. I will wake up in the same bed I went to sleep in, go about my morning routine, talk with my dad or roommate, and go about my daily business. It isn't until one tint little thing out of the ordinary happens that I realize that this, in fact, is NOT the real world, and I really have to wake up. I get angry at those dreams because now I have to do everything I just did all over again.

And finally , my sleep paralysis dreams! These are really rare, and I've only had about 4 or 5 in the last couple of years. I used to get sleep paralysis quite frequently as a child, but something changed, and now it only gets it every now and again. I'm usually stuck unable to move, and I'm aware of this, however my dreams will make me seem as though I'm merely a camera angle in my own life and I'm able to pan around and witness whatever world is going on while fully aware that my body cannot move to experience it. This can range from my brain visualizing a conversation I know I can hear in the room next to me, to something where I am witnessing a monster killer outside my window creep closer to my paralyzed form. Funky things that are not preferred. I'm glad I don't get them much anymore.

[marcus--666]

What are your dreams like? Do you remember them when you wake up? Do you dream when you nap or only when you sleep at night? I often have what I call realistic dreams even though the situations and sometimes creatures and world are not reflective of real life, just that when I wake up I'm confused for a bit because my brain has to realize that it was a dream not something actually happening. Maybe vivid would be a better descriptor. I can usually remember at least the gist of the dream too after waking up.

*Asks are sent for fun, no pressure to answer within a certain amount of time or at all.*

Ooooof my dreams sure are weird. i get bad nightmares and night terrors, alot of the time they have my abusive step grandmother doing/saying shit to me and i cant do anything about it (once i had a dream where she sliced open my hand and i held myself back from stabbing her because "murder bad" even though i was dreaming, i was so pissed at myself when i woke up, i even had phantom pain on my hand) or ones where people (usually my parents) are encouraging me to hurt myself

otherwise, the nice dreams i get are ones where i get to snuggle up with a fav character and feel super safe

[awsugar]

btw does anyone else on lexapro have CRAZY fucking dreams?? like. i have extremely long and vivid detailed dreams every single night since ive started lexapro and i remember them all in great detail. and theyre like. about my friends or work or mcr shows and stuff and stuff that could potentially actually happen but theres also some like really weird shit mixed in. and also theyre like all stress dreams like not necessarily nightmares but frequently the dreams involve my friends ignoring me or abandoning me or like with the frank signing coming up i keep dreaming about him telling me he hates me and thinks im weird even though irl he always acts so happy to see me like. my dreams are psychological warfare at this point. and ALSO i have a bad memory. so i keep getting my dreams and real life mixed up and i cant remember if certain things actually happened or i dreamt them lmaooo

[schizopositivity]

firstly I wanted to say thank u for your blog,, its so fuckin nice to see positivity amongst all the shit. secondly, i was wondering if u may have any good resources for super vivid dreams and how to deal w them?? ive been having trouble lately telling events in my dreams from reality and its leading to me missing my meds and disconnecting more from ppl who i think i had a falling out with but it was just the dream and hhhhhh. just curious if you know of any good tips for that?

youre welcome!!!

the only thing i could think of is asking your perscriber if you could get on the medicine Prazosin, i used to be on it for ptsd nightmares and it literally made me not remember my dreams at all, it was wonderful, i cant garuntee itll work the same for you but its worth trying if youre able

also to get on the medicine, tell your perscriber just how distressing and disorienting your dreams are making your daily life, and for researching the medicine look up "Prazosin for nightmares"

[tears-of-boredom]

okay fellas. im gonna leave my fan on for the night. I don't remember what the nightmares were like last summer, so ill see if theyre like terror inducing or just anxiety inducing. cuz at this point terror dreams would be a needed break. I'm so fucking tired of confusing actual things that happened and dreams i had. like when i wake up from a nightmare where some killer is just chasing me, heck yeah, cuz itll be so clear that it was a dream. i just hope they arent the anxiety kind cause I still havent really gotten over the one where i suffocated in snow. thats probably my biggest god damn fear, especially now that I know approximately how it would feel...

weird realisation but i dont think ive really ever like seen any of our cats in my dreams. ive definetly thought about them and been aware of their existence, but I dont remember ever physically seeing any of them... it's kind of like that bs about how you apparently never use your phone in your dreams, despite interacting with it so frequently irl. man its so weird that anyone actually thought that was like a thing though...like my phone has even been the center of my dreams a couple times that i remember. oo i dont think ive ever like interacted eith my computer in a dream though. it has definetly like been on my desk physically, and ive acknowledged it maybe,, but I dont think ive done anything on it actively. i was gonna also say that I don't think ive made food before,, but I think I made instant porridge at some point...or maybe it was just served to me...

oh and also on top of messing up my dreams and real memories,, i also often struggle to diffrentiate between something being just a vivid, consciously imagined, scenario,, or a dream. especially if its been a long time. so im not sure if the thing about me finding out that i can fly and bolting into the sky from the schoolyard,, and doing flips in the air and shit,, I'm not sure if I just really wished that would happen or if that was a dream...

also the one where i flew around my grandparents' house,, I know that factually it can only be a dream, but at the time i didnt really like fully realise that,, so my brain always gives me a memory of it that says that it did happen, it was real, i was there.

yefhott. that was supposed to be a mispeled yeah but i think it went too far and now you cant tell. yeag

[ofthenoseclan]

aphantasia with dreams is so weird to me because for a long time everyone was like "youre watching an actual scene play out in your mind" i always went yeah you might think you are in the moment but thats not actually what you see, duh. but apparently it is and always has been for everyone.

and that makes me so fucking jealous, like to a very real extent. i could get so many ideas from dreams i had but because i cant actually see things happening in my dreams and all i get is just a very vivid concept of a dream scene passes through my mind, it makes it ten times harder for me to actually remember anything that happened. like, even in the time it takes for me to get up from my bed and write anything down ill have forgotten the idea. id gladly take a few way-too-vivid nightmares in exchange just to have a chance to experience honest to goodness dreams like most people have

[rinneheart]

so there was this weird liminal nightmare i had...

there was this dream of mine in 2020, it was very weird. there is something about it that i cant explain in words, but ill try.

i had just moved into the new house with family and we decided to take a walk down the road. take note that at this time, not all the houses on the streets were fully constructed in real life, a fact that manifested itself into this dream. as we walk along the road, we see this house in the same model as ours, but there was something wrong with it, i just couldnt figure out what. it gave me this weird, eerie feeling. like something was clearly wrong here. i look up to where the terrace is supposed to be when i see him. this man, he had his hair neatly styled to the left. he wore medium rectangular glasses. he was tall, attractive, and classy. i cant quite remember what exactly he was wearing but it seems to be a white button up shirt with nicely fitted, not too tight, denim pants. i dont remember exactly how, but my family and I made it into his house. everything is exactly where it should be according to the model house. same floor plan, same measurements, but definitely not the same house. it was strange. almost as if i was being watched. and me alone. the house was nicely furnished with a bit of human touches here and there, but absolutely nothing about the house screams human. the house was just a nightmare waiting to happen.

my conscious self bore curiousity like fruit, and i found myself coming up the stairs, somewhere i definitely shouldnt be. again, same floor plan as it should, so i went towards the direction of this one room, which should be my sister's bedroom at home. as i entered, though not without struggle as the door was locked, or rather, stuck, there was coquette furnishing everywhere. this was when coquette was barely a thing, in fact, it was a year before the initial trend started. it was giving melanie martinez with shades of mental hospital lighting. the laced decorations on the cushions of chairs and bedsheets had little to no contrast to the extreme white of the walls, floors, and light. everything was so white. too white, if that's even possible. then there was this girl, on the floor, across the room from me. she looked starved. she looked controlled, if that makes any sense. a victim of sadistic "dollkeeping". she was in chains, or handcuffs, i cant remember, but she was bound on the bed. her eyes screamed help but her mouth remained silent, yet i could hear every word in her mind. i panicked after hearing the man from earlier walk up the stairs. i quickly left the room and went into his bedroom. somehow it looked even whiter than the previous one. even more sadistically white. there was a little pulley attached to the ceiling, and with my curiosity, i pulled it, revealing a hidden staircase to an attis. this room should have been impossible to construct, especially with the way the house is designed. this part of the dream has started to be less vivid, and most of it i couldnt fully remember. i remember going into another room, which would be my room in real life. it had the same eeriness the previous ones held, however it felt somewhat comforting. the same coquette-ish furniture was placed, and another girl was sitting on the floor by the vanity, a younger one this time. once i saw her, i was caught by the man in glasses. i was then forced out of the house.

after leaving the house, i took one last look at this nightmarish sight, still feeling uncanny from my experience. nothing i saw was particularly frightening, but the vibes, the feeling that place gave me was, to say the least, the most horror ive ever felt asleep. somehow, i still miss that dream, and would wish to relieve it again. ive had dreams with a similar effect to this one, but not quite as good. I've heard songs that weirdly remind me of this dream, despite having different, if not opposite vibes. whenever i listen to these songs, it takes me back immediately. I've seen some pictures of liminal spaces that give me the same vibes, but nothing could top the eeriness of this nightmare. it gave me a certain hyperfixation of liminal spaces, dream core and backrooms. this dream had haunted the back of my mind for years, and only now have i found a way to give it some sort of closure. some way to let it go once and for all. it will probably still haunt me, but at least now ive let it out through words, and not through nightmares.

[idek-anymorezsz]

I cant sleep. Again. But do i even want to sleep? When I’m awake all i can think about is suicide, I’m plagued with hallucinations and paranoia and other horrible things. But when I’m asleep they don’t leave my brain. I have nightmares every night, i remember some of them from years ago- they are vivid and when i wake up I’m swearing and in pain from where I’ve been impacted in my dream. So whats better, sleeping or staying awake