#my only goal in this fandom is to write a successful wlw fic

[allamericanb-tch]

you can’t use the lack of canon content about the girls to justify not liking them or writing about them or talking about them and then like or write about or talk about evan or regulus or james or frank or literally ANY of the boys

[violetclarity]

I didn’t reach my 2019 GYWO goal...

...and I’m not pledging for 2020, either.

I wrote over 135,000 words in 2018, and set an ambitious goal of 200,000 words for 2019. I reached 183,000 words - certainly nothing to sneeze at, and I completed over 90% of my goal. I could have hit 200k - I only needed to write 22k in December to get there - but I decided I didn’t want to spend the last few weeks of the year stressing about hitting that goal when none of my WIPs were inspiring me.

Because here’s the thing: I wrote 180k this year, but I burnt myself out doing it in a major way. I wrote 180k, but I didn’t do it by writing 548 words every day. I spent weeks at a time writing as much as I possibly could in order to finish a big fic that had a deadline (for jeddy fest, for the HP WLW BB, for scorbus fest, for erised), and then, exhausted, wrote next to nothing until I had to kick myself back into gear for the next major deadline.

It turned writing from something I wanted to do into something I had to do.

In 2018, and at the beginning of 2019, that wasn’t true: writing was still fun, and being able to look at my monthly WC or the fic I’d finished gave me a sense of satisfaction when finishing other creative endeavors was out of reach. I might want to sew a shirt, or bake a cake, but that wasn’t actually going to happen, so at least I could open up my computer and write, and feel I was being productive in some way.

But starting this fall, I finally got treatment for my depression (medication works!!) and all of a sudden, all the things I wanted to do but couldn’t were achievable...except I still couldn’t do them, because I had writing obligations. I knew that I would have cut out those pieces of fabric...if only I didn’t need to finish this section of the fic. I would have cooked a nice dinner...but I needed to save time and make a frozen pizza, so I could spend all night editing.

There have been times when I spent all day writing because I had an idea in my head that I needed to get onto the page. Those days are fun. The days when I spent all day not writing, but also not doing anything else for guilt that I should be writing, are not.

I spent all year pushing myself to write for the goal of hitting 200k for the year - the only thing approaching a 2019 resolution that I would have completed - but ultimately I decided to let that goal go this month because it wasn’t making me happy. Rushing to hit 200k by the 31st would have only made me stressed.

And if I hit 200k this year, then what comes next? 250k? 300k? I think that for writers, both amateur or fanfic and professional, there is always a pressure to produce more. Some of that has reason - that’s how you make money in publishing - but that’s not the path for me. I don’t want to write more in 2020. Writing isn’t the only creative outlet I have. I want to give myself time to do other creative things - sewing, knitting, embroidery, cooking - without guilt, and only to write when I have a story that I’m excited about. At some point, I’d like to develop a daily writing practice, and maybe in 2021 I’ll come back to GYWO for a Habit Goal, but for now I need to give myself a breather.

I certainly don’t share this to pass judgment on anyone who finds word count challenges like GYWO helpful - I think it’s a super great community and I can imagine it working really well for me at a different point in my life! I also recognize that 183k for the year is a huge accomplishment, and don’t mean to be putting myself down for what others might be thrilled to achieve.

But I think that the narrative about word count, at least in my corners of fandom, is that high word count goals are good, and pushing for more - whether that be more fanfic produced or more monetary success achieved with writing - is what you should want to do. I wanted to share my perspective for anyone like me, who has found word count goals to be counterproductive to their creative process.

I hope that in 2020, I have time to pursue my other creative passions, and to rediscover the fun in writing. And I hope that whatever creative goals you might have in 2020 come to fruition, too <3