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#my parents will never be proud of me teehee
sinsofsummers · 9 months
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sensational
6.9k | joel miller & f!innocent!reader part two
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this comes from this request. a few liberties were taken with the details (the reader knows that sex exists, but not much else), just fyi!
summary: thanks to becoming an orphan at age 13, you've lived the rest of your life oblivious to all the world can offer. now that you're in jackson, joel miller ignites something in you that only he can give answers to. warnings: slight angst (mentions of parent loss), innocent!fem!reader, age gap (joel is 56, reader is 25), kind of pervy!joel, smut (18+, mdni!!!), fingering, grinding, reader watches old pornos with joel, slight praise kink, no use of y/n. note: i planned originally to have this be just one part, but even though it ends in a way that i like, i could maybe be convinced to write a second part teehee (part two coming soon!)
You used to love the rain. The way it cascaded down your skin in little droplets, cleansing your body from a hard day's work, and the way it made your hair look so perfectly disheveled.
You craved the rain, until it became nothing but a reminder of the night your parents died.
It had been years at this point, but you would never quite forget how young, and small, and unsuspecting you'd been when they told you to run. How cruel, that time might pass, you might change, but with one smattering of rain, you returned so swiftly to the worst night of your life.
The three of you had been living alone, making your way...somewhere, but they never told you where. Your parents' only wish was to keep you safe, that much was clear. So it shouldn't have been a surprise that upon an ambush by at least ten clickers, after both your parents had been infected, that they'd insist that you run.
"Please, darling," your mother had pleaded, a lump in her throat as she formed the words. "Don't make me beg. I need you to run. Promise?"
Your father was somewhere else, but you could hear him yelling in the distance, in a fight for his life. You were too young, even at thirteen, to understand that those were the sounds of a dying man.
"I'll be right behind you," she'd choked on the last phrase, and in hindsight, you knew she was lying. But in the moment, you'd believed her. You couldn't see the bite she was hiding on her arm, her fate already sealed. "I'll come for you, my love," she insisted, "but I need you to go. Head for the woods."
It was the last time you saw her. You'd turned tail and had run as fast as you could for the woods.
The last thing you heard was a gunshot. A single shot, echoing around you in the trees. It may have been impossible to know, but you didn't need to turn back. Your parents were dead.
If you hadn't found Jackson, who knows how long you might have lasted. Nearing your twenty-first year, you'd proven valuable to the community, and they'd welcomed you in. Jackson was the first home you'd had since you were five.
It hadn't occurred to you that you were years behind your peers in terms of...well, everything, until you met Joel.
Rugged, tan, and sporting a perpetual frown paired with an ever-present crease between his brows, Joel Miller was your patrol partner. You weren't exactly sure why, and he didn't seem particularly pleased about it, but then again—he never seemed particularly pleased about anything.
It hadn't struck you as anything to be proud of, or to boast about to the other young women in Jackson, but they certainly loved coming up to you and expressing their jealousy when they felt so inclined.
"What's he like on patrol?" they'd ask, their eyes wide and lips curled in smirks as they waited for any insight you could give them on his mysterious personality.
All you could ever say over the next four years was a quick, "He's quiet."
Maybe that was why the two of you worked well. He wasn't much of a talker, and after you'd lost your parents, you hadn't been one to waste any breath on conversation, especially when you had survived alone with your own thoughts for almost eight years.
Silence was your mutual understanding. No talking meant no questions, and no questions meant no problems.
And this worked. Until it didn't.
-- -- --
It started like anything started. Quietly, hardly a bother, until it sank into the marrow of your bones and demanded that you address it.
More literally, it started in your shoulders. You'd been on patrol with Joel, a quiet, "Let's go," his only words to you that morning. They were his only words to you every morning, and that day was no different.
Patrolling with him was easy. Like you'd said—no talking, so no problems. You rode next to each other on your respective horses, and there was nothing more than a glance or two toward each other when necessary. It was the only form of communication that the two of you shared.
His big brown eyes had always startled you, looking so inviting in the contrast of the white snow during the winter, but they never showed you more than he allowed you to see. And all you saw of Joel was his dedication to sleep, patrol, eat, and repeat.
You hadn't felt the desire to look that closely at him until some of the girls in Jackson asked you how big his hands were, or what he looked like up close.
"You know," one of them had crooned, not realizing you were unsure of their intentions, "what does he look like without that big old coat on?"
You'd shrugged. "Why should I know?"
Another one wiggled her eyebrows. "Doesn't it get...lonely out there? Nothing but you, the snow, and a big man like Joel to keep you company?"
The faces of those girls, the glint in their eyes, it was something you couldn't quite decipher, as much as you wished you could. So one day, you'd asked the man himself what it all meant.
When you said it for the first time, it was so quiet that you could hardly even hear yourself.
Joel grunted, the only indication that he'd heard you.
Your cheeks burned, but you couldn't find a reason why. This was just Joel. He seemed to know everything there was to know about life; surely he could help you understand this. "Why do the girls in town keep asking me what it's like to patrol with you?"
He didn't answer for a second, but then shrugged. "They botherin' you?"
"No." You weren't quite sure that was true, and knowing him, he could probably hear the lie in your voice. "They're just kind of...belligerent."
His eyebrow cocked. "S'a big word," he mused. "Sure you know what it means?"
Your cheeks grew hot. "Yes," you insisted sharply. "I do read, you know."
He murmured a response, but the wind carried it away from you. You rode in silence for a bit longer before he said, "Don't let those girls get in your head. I think they just wanna get a rise outta you."
"A rise?"
Joel nodded and brought his horse to a routine stop. This was where the two of you always stretched your legs. He reached up to help you down your own mount and set you on the ground gingerly. "You know," he said, as if you should know, but with no regard for the fact that you didn't. "You're still kinda new here. Seems they're still pretty dead-set on embarrassin' you."
"I'm not embarrassed," you insisted again. "I just...is there a joke I'm not getting?"
"Any reason you chose to talk so much today?" was his only answer, which made your stomach clench.
There was no reason for you to be offended, as it was your typical routine to remain quiet unless absolutely necessary, but you couldn't help the way your lips curved downward. "Sorry," you mumbled, "forget I asked."
He was quiet again as the two of you walked at least two hundred paces, stretching out your sore muscles in the snow. It used to be comforting, the silence. It wasn't maddening, it didn't ever bother you if Joel was in his thoughts. You weren't even sure at times if he had any. But all that had changed now; his brow creased more than it usually did, and you wanted nothing more than to ask him what he was thinking.
Joel was the one constant in your life now. Maybe it was a—well, probably it was a trauma response from losing your parents, but you couldn't help it. You didn't need much from anyone, just someone to stay. Joel was strong enough to take care of himself and was smart enough not to make any rash decisions. As far as you could tell, he'd stay.
So how could you be so embarrassed by asking these questions?
"I forgot how long you said you were...alone out there," his grunting voice filled the space between you once more. It was quiet, and he sounded hesitant, as if he wasn't sure how to speak.
"Since I was thirteen," you said mechanically, so familiar with others in Jackson asking the same question.
"Shit," he cursed under his breath. "And you're how old?"
"Twenty-five," you said, feeling oddly small in his presence.
He shook his head. "That's a long time to be alone," he muttered, blowing out a breath.
You huffed. "Yeah, well, I survived. And besides, I've been here for four years now, you know."
"I know."
Again, the silence. Infuriating.
Then, you couldn't help it. "What's...'spooning,' and why do those girls ask me if we've done it?"
Joel stumbled, reaching out for balance. His hand found purchase on your shoulder, and you caught him awkwardly. "You don't even know what spooning is?" He sounded incredulous, as if you'd asked a juvenile question.
The warmth from his hand was astonishing, and distracted you from your embarrassment, if only for a moment. It sank through his glove into your coat, and down toward your skin. Something about the weight of his hand on your shoulder, even for a second as he removed it quickly, was enough to send you spiraling.
Your face burned. "Never mind," you said quietly and mounted your horse again. How stupid could you get? You scolded yourself. You'd ventured too far into this conversation, and now you didn't know how to get yourself out of it. "I was just...never mind. We should get back."
He nodded, but his face still looked somewhat pinched. "Yeah. S'getting dark."
The sun was still up. No intention of sinking beneath the horizon for at least a few hours. You rode again in uncomfortable silence, this time letting it fill the space. You foolishly thought that maybe if you were quiet long enough, he'd forget that you'd made a fool of yourself, that you'd exposed yourself to the truth: that you knew hardly anything about...anything except for survival instincts.
When Joel spoke again, it surprised you. "I didn't mean to tease ya," he said. "It's just kind of a surprise that you're not...that you don't..." he looked over at you, and there was some type of pleading in his eyes, as if he were begging you not to make him say it.
"That I don't what?" you said dumbly, hoping you didn't sound as childish as you felt.
He pondered his next words carefully, and then he hummed, "If you want, I could...teach you some stuff."
"Like spooning?" You felt a warmth in your face as you watched his shoulders hunch with a soft laughter. Your own shoulder burned where he'd touched it, and something bloomed in your gut.
He chuckled. "I don't know about all that," he said, "but I'll help you get...back on track. Would hate for someone to take advantage of your...innocence." It sounded sinful, the way he said it, and the something in your gut pulsed.
"You don't have to," you shook your head, but you didn't even believe the words as they came out of your mouth. "I'll just ask someone else."
"Darlin', don't trust anyone else to give you straight answers. I'm older'n half of everyone in Jackson, anyway." He flashed you a look. "I'll help. Whatever you want to know."
You bit the insides of your cheeks, your stomach turning strangely. "Anything?"
He nodded dutifully, but his eyes had already left yours. Joel Miller, ever the professional. "Whatever you want."
-- -- --
Joel liked to consider himself someone who would never again suffer the shock of surprises. After having lived through and seen more shit than any normal person could, he thought he'd experienced it all.
That is, until her pretty lips had opened and asked him to teach her about all she'd missed. Until she asked him to teach her.
He hadn't really seen her as the picture of innocence until he'd heard how long she'd been alone, surviving with no one and nothing besides her own thoughts and the clothes on her back.
The least her parents could do was teach her how to shoot, he'd thought when he first met her. It was a curiosity that was quickly resolved, as she'd proven herself valuable to Jackson.
Tommy had wasted no time putting them on patrol together. "It'll be good for you," his brother had reasoned when he brought up concerns. "You know, to talk to someone out there. I know she's on the young side, but you don't gotta fall in love with her." He'd flashed an apologetic smile when Joel had scowled. "You're scarin' everyone, Joel. Bein' all quiet and shit...it's—"
"It's what?" he'd asked gruffly. "I don't do it on purpose. I'm a grown man."
This was all true, and he very much didn't do it on purpose. With no one around whom he deemed worthy of his conversation, Joel Miller had become the quiet, introspective version of himself that everyone decided to become scared of all of a sudden.
The way he saw things? It wasn't his fault everyone in Jackson was boring. Or childish.
But her. With her unmistakable will to survive and those eyes that could burn fierce with ire one moment, and soften with curiosity the next...it was only a matter of time before he agreed to do whatever she asked.
He should have seen it coming, especially considering her past. Every time he thought of just how...unsuspecting she was about...everything, he had to shake his head, clearing it of any thoughts that threatened to take advantage of her.
But being ignorant of spooning. He had to clear his throat every time he thought of what that might mean for himself in this particular arrangement. If she knew nothing of something so...palatable, he could hardly help himself when thinking of what else she might be unaware of.
He tried to be patient, and he tried to be respectful, but at the end of the day, he was Joel Miller. From the moment she looked at him with those wide eyes, he was lost.
-- -- --
"What I would give to give that man the ride of his life," one of the girls next to you hummed at breakfast the next morning, her eyes presumably glued to Joel, who'd just come into the cafeteria. You didn't look up at him, instead casting a confused glance toward the girl who'd spoken.
"Ride where?" You cursed your quick instinct to ask questions, as the girls erupted into a fit of giggles. Face burning, you looked down again at your plate. "Never mind," came your almost instantaneous response. You were getting used to having to apologize for your ignorance, and people rarely—especially not these girls—offered their kindness.
One of the other girls snickered. "Why don't you ask him? I'm sure there's nothing much to talk about out there anyway," she said, smiling widely. Her next words were nothing short of a drawl, the complete essence of mockery. "'Joel, what's it mean to ride?'" she pinched her face in what you assumed was an impression of you, and it only made your eyebrows furrow despite your stomach sinking in utter horror.
And then there he was. He'd called your name, and now he was standing behind your left shoulder, hand outstretched to save you.
You were sure his hand had never looked quite as appealing as it did now. The calluses on his palm were raised and visibly rough. For a moment, you stared at his fingers and wondered what they might feel like against your cheek.
Swallowing a lump in your throat, that something arose in your gut once more before you heard him murmur your name again.
"Come on," he grunted, but there was a gentleness to it that made the hair on the nape of your neck stand on end. "Time to go."
The girls at your table were silent when you took his hand gingerly and let him lead you from the cafeteria. You noted the swift wave of cold that hit your hand as soon as he dropped it, just a second later. Clasping your hands together, you hoped in a fit of desperation that you might preserve some of the weight and warmth of his touch on your skin. It failed.
"Thanks," you said later, when the two of you were outside the community's borders. Jackson felt a bit too stuffy for any real admissions of gratitude, you'd decided. It turned out to be a good conclusion when you felt the delicious churn of your stomach at the idea of being alone with him once more.
I'm sure there's nothing much to talk about out there anyway, one of the girls had said. Doesn't it get lonely out there? You were reminded of another's teasing, and this time your cheeks burned at the memory. Nothing but you, the snow, and a big man like Joel to keep you company.
He was big, you considered. When he stood next to you, his frame was almost larger than life, and his shoulders were sinfully broad when you watched him walk in front of you on previous patrols. The sheer size of him was enough to send you into a heady descent.
As usual, Joel didn't answer for what felt like ages, and you'd begun to wonder if he could see where your train of thought had led you. Then:
"You could have told me they were bein' that outrageous," he grunted, keeping his eyes forward. "I woulda helped you out sooner. S'no fun feelin' left outta everything."
It was...odd to hear such words come from a man like Joel. Although, you reminded yourself, you'd hardly spoken to him in the four years that you'd been in Jackson; who was to say he wasn't normally like this? A quiet, brooding older man, yes; but maybe he was naturally like this. One to offer his help.
"If you wanted to help, you would have made an effort four years ago." You let your words hang in the air. You didn't mean for them to come off sharp; it was simply the truth. "I don't need your help," you added, tightening your hands on the reins of your horse and swallowing roughly. "It was fine. I am fine."
He flashed you a look as if to say, is that so? You couldn't help but notice the way the corners of his eyes creased, the only sign of amusement. It was all you could do to keep your eyes on him, although you weren't sure how you were going to explain the way your mouth went dry at the sight of his big brown eyes.
"Besides," you insisted quietly, "you're not my dad."
Joel cleared his throat. Looked down, shoulders tense. Inhaled. "No," he said decidedly. "No, I'm not."
Emboldened by this clarification, you inquired, "So what did those girls mean earlier? Riding, I mean?"
If you could have guaranteed the image of Joel's eyes going wide in surprise to remain in your head for the rest of your days, you would have done it instantly. His forehead was creased as his eyebrows lifted, and despite his position facing away from you, you could see it all.
The way he seemed to wrestle with himself before answering, the way his hands seemed to clench in his gloves. "So, uh..." he started, and then paused again. Mustering up whatever courage he needed, Joel finished, "Well, ya see, when a man and woman love each other very much—"
"Joel." Oh. You couldn't help it when a breathless chuckle left your lips.
He was silent, and when he finally answered, it wasn't a question. "What."
"I'm not fucking stupid. I know how reproduction works."
Joel's chest rose and fell in a deep sigh, and you couldn't ignore the look of complete relief that washed over his rough features. "Thank fuckin' Christ. Didn't know if I had it in me for another sex talk. I'm too old to be doin' this."
"Believe it or not, my parents did leave me with the basic information." Swallowing roughly, you continued. "And I know...I know that men usually...take. It's an assertion of power, from what I've...seen."
He shook his head. "Guess I shouldn't be surprised that you've run into your fair share of dirtbags, even in the middle of the world goin' to shit." He ran a gloved hand through his hair, and you secretly enjoyed the way it stood up. "Anyone ever, you know...take...from you?"
Hearing your own words regurgitated back to you left you feeling fluttery. Shaking your head, you got down from your horse; you'd reached your typical resting spot. "No," you said firmly. "They never wanted me."
Joel nodded. "S'good," he said, and it bothered you to no end that you couldn't understand the emotion in his voice. "So..."
By now he was standing next to you, closer than you were used to, judging by the way his coat sleeve bumped yours as the two of you walked, stretching your legs. "So," you said, thinking up a way to make this conversation less awkward. "I just hate feeling like a kid again. I'm twenty-five, for fuck's sake. There's more than just survival when it comes to living. I just want to know what I'm missing out on," you confessed with a hand on your stomach.
When Joel brushed by your side again your stomach flipped. And what the fuck is that about, and why do I keep feeling it? You asked inwardly, but you were too nervous to ask. Bombarding Joel with questions, especially after you'd just started talking to him on patrol after four years, seeming to be the wrong path to take.
He shrugged, eyebrows still furrowed in thought. "There's nothing to miss if you don't know what you're missin'."
"Yes," you admitted, "but that doesn't stop any of those girls from making me feel like I'm..."
"Innocent?" he murmured, and you thought you weren't meant to hear it until he turned to look at you.
Those big brown eyes, they just won't quit, a voice nudged you in your head.
"I don't want to be innocent," you groaned, throwing your head back. "God, not in the sense that they see me in. Sounds like a damn curse."
The sound of his rumbling laughter, however quiet, sent a shock down your spine and you nearly tripped in the snow. "There's pros and cons, I s'pose," he offered. "It's like I said: I'll help you get back on track. If that's what you really want."
"It is." You stopped walking, took a look around at the landscape, otherwise empty with the scattering of trees. You swallowed, pressed one. "So...riding. It's a part of reproducing, then?"
He chuckled again, but this time it didn't come off as demeaning. It was like he was teasing you, but good-naturedly. "Let's not jump too far ahead of ourselves, yeah? Start with somethin' smaller. Then we'll work our way up."
Joel's eyes were piercing when he held yours in his gaze. If someone watched this conversation, you were sure they'd be able to see the blush blooming on your cheeks.
"Learnin' takes time, ya know," he mused, his growling voice nearly a hum that could have warmed you from the inside out.
You'd made it to the edge of the woods now. This was normally where you turned back, heading for home. But neither of you moved. The bubble of something pulsed again, and you swallowed roughly before whispering hoarsely, "So where should we start?"
-- -- --
If Joel were a better man, he might have warned her what the curse of innocence in a young woman could be. He might have shook his head, stepped back, and told her to ask someone else. He might have taken the reins and turned the two of them back toward Jackson.
If he were better, he wouldn't have stepped closer to her. If he were a better man, he wouldn't have looked into her sparkling eyes and let the question slip. Fuck it all.
"You ever been kissed, darlin'?"
-- -- --
You swallowed. Don't make a fool of yourself, you begged yourself before answering with a quiet shake of your head. "Not many contenders out there. Not any good ones, anyway."
He'd leaned closer to you with his question, and now you could practically see each line of age in his face. Joel's expression was unclear; he could have been pleased with this information or...or maybe there was pity in his eyes. "No," he said with an understanding nod. "No, I suppose there wouldn't have been."
He lifted a gloved hand to his mouth and you watched as he traced it along his lips. The gray strands in his hair glinted off the sunlight, blinking pleasantly in your eyes. That something pulsed once more in your stomach, and there was a sort of realization that came with it.
Joel, you thought. Joel is making me feel like this.
"Will you kiss me?" The words were out of your mouth before you could reel them in.
But instead of laughing, or scoffing, or giving any sign of mockery, Joel Miller inhaled quietly. "You know how much older I am than you?" he asked.
You nodded. "We're both adults, Joel. Besides," you felt a ghost of a smirk come to grace your lips, a feigned confidence coming to save you in this moment of truth. "I thought you told me to ask you these questions."
He sighed. "You're right."
"So? Will you?" you asked, with a small, "please?" coming out afterward.
He moved slowly, something you were equally thankful for as you were frustrated with, but his forehead met yours soon enough. His eyelashes brushed against your cheek, and he let out a shaky breath, letting it fan deliciously across your face. The knowledge that he was just as nervous as you were was not only a comfort; it was perhaps the most attractive thing you'd ever known.
And when you lifted your chin, just a hairsbreadth from his lips, your eyes fluttered closed, waiting for him to meet you in the middle. It only took a moment before he was closing his mouth over yours, and Joel Miller was kissing you.
He was gentle, of course, but there was something restrained about his kiss, the way he slowly slotted his lips over yours as if you might crack under any more pressure. It only made you want more, more, more...
You pressed your hands to his chest and curled them into fists, tugging his jacket to lessen the distance between your bodies even more. You didn't know how you were doing this, how you'd managed to find confidence in what could have easily been a humiliating experience. Your first kiss at twenty-five? With anyone else, it might have been a nightmare.
With Joel, it was turning out to be the most delightful dream.
"So soft, baby," he pulled back to whisper against your mouth. "These lips are so soft for me."
You hummed your response and pulled him back to you, letting him see that you wanted more. That incessant pressure was building, and it wasn't until he had his arms sliding around your waist that you forced yourself to pull back, head spinning. "Joel."
He blinked. "What? Too fast?" He shook his head. "I'm sorry, darlin', you're just so—"
"No, that's not it." You managed a weak smile, but the look in his eye, the question and the undeniable desire—is that what it looks like?—quivering in his brown irises, nearly made you collapse. He waited for you to continue, his hands never leaving you, a courtesy you were grateful for. "I feel...hot." Your cheeks warmed. "Um, there's this...pressure."
His lips closed in a tight smirk, and he squeezed your hips. "Where, baby?" he murmured, and you could have sworn you saw stars outlining his head at the sound of the pet name. "Show me," he cooed.
"Um." You paused, unsure of just how. But with his hands on your waist, his heavy, warm touch melting you on the spot, you took one of his gloved hands in yours and guided him to your stomach. "Here. Kind of."
"Yeah?" he said, and you forgot about the cold. About your horses waiting to be mounted, about your other responsibilities in Jackson. All you could see were his dark eyes that had somehow grown darker as you pushed his hand down, down, down...
"Fuck, babygirl," he cursed, and let his hand rest on the crux of your thighs, just barely pressing on the source of the tingling sensation. If anything, it made it worse, and you let a breathy whine fall from your lips. "You're gonna be the death of me, huh?" he groaned.
You couldn't form words. Just one kiss (a very good kiss, mind you) and a heavy hand on your core was all it took, apparently. You could hardly look anywhere but his face, your mouth dropping open as your hips moved of their own accord, grinding into his hand before you realized you were doing it. "Joel—" you whimpered, and he pulled his hand away.
There wasn't enough time for you to feel jilted, as he tugged you back to your horse and practically launched you onto it himself. "We're goin' back," he said firmly, "now."
Swallowing, your throat dry and rough, you pressed a hand to your cheek, feeling the heat swimming under your skin. "Did I do something wrong?"
You could hardly see him shake his head as he mounted his own horse, looking back at you to make sure you were following him. "'Course not," he called over his shoulder. When you caught up with him, the two of you shoulder-to-shoulder, he continued. "Look, darlin', f'I'm gonna be givin' you your first kiss and makin' you feel that good..." he sighed, his dark eyes finding yours. "I'm not doin' it in a fuckin' snowbank."
-- -- --
The entire ride back to Jackson was painfully long, silent but for Joel's mumbled directions, despite the fact that the two of you had taken this same route countless times in the four years that you patrolled together.
Your eyes were trained forward, and you knew his were as well, but it took everything in you not to glance at him even for a second. If you did, you were afraid that the pressure building in the crux of your thighs would never go away.
It would be unfair to say that you were completely unaware of what might happen when you got back to Jackson, but you still didn't know much, which left a nervous bubble rising in your gut. It wasn't like there were any books left in Jackson that you could read about it, or any movies that Maria would allow to remain in the community's borders.
Again, you got a wave of feeling like this should have concerned you, or at least made you a little anxious. But with Joel pulling ahead, his strong back the only thing you could look at, you felt the knot of tension release in your stomach. This was Joel. After four years—even four mostly silent years—of working together, you felt like you...knew him, somehow. That he couldn't possibly lead you astray.
Sure enough, when you were both within the borders, horses returned safely to their stables, the tension returned. Or had it ever really dissipated?
Joel hovered close to you as you left the stables. "Let's go, darlin'," he breathed, a gloved hand on your lower back as he guided you.
"Where?" you said, and you hoped it didn't sound as desperate as it did to you, the pressure getting worse. "I need—"
"I know, baby, I know," he cooed gently, his head on a swivel as if looking for anyone who might stop you. "We're goin' to mine. I've got the perfect lesson planned for ya, alright?"
It was all you could do to nod and let him push you forward through the snowy streets. If only those girls could see you now.
Once inside, you took a breath. There was no one around, and once the door closed behind you, the silence felt all the more heavy. "Ellie?" you asked, if only in courtesy.
He shook his head, and you bit your lip when you saw him smirk. "Just us, doll."
Joel shed his outer layers, and when he stood in front of you, you realized that this was the first time you'd seen him without his coat. Without his gloves, aside from that morning.
Your eyes snagged on his fingers, and you swallowed roughly when you saw the way they twitched, as if in anticipation for something. Or maybe he was holding himself back, you considered. His jaw did seem to have an impatient clench to it. Hands rough like you knew they would be, it didn't take long for your mind to wander into thinking of what it might be like to feel those hands on your skin.
With any luck, he'd give you the sweet release you craved, however it would unfold.
"See anything you like?" he teased, and your cheeks warmed.
"Sorry," you fumbled for a response, your eyes dropping. You'd meant to clear your head, but then your eyes were caught on his thighs. Specifically how hard the seams on his jeans were fighting to remain unripped. "Um, a lesson, you said?"
He nodded, reaching out a hand to take your own coat off, leaving you in the sweater and pants you'd had on all day. You were sure your hair was knotted and would be for days, but he only smoothed a hand down your face, letting you lean into his touch. His fingers were still cold, but your face was hot and it offered a dizzying sense of relief.
"I could never teach you all this," he murmured, his thumb rubbing back and forth in an absentminded swipe across your cheek. "Not without getting...distracted," he finished, pressing his other hand to your waist. Underneath the thick layer of your coat, his hand felt like a hot iron scorching your skin, despite there still being a few layers of clothes between your bodies.
"Distraction is okay," you breathed, lifting a hand to cup his on your waist. "Right?"
He shook his head, a chuckle lifting from deep in his chest. "Not tonight," he whispered. "Tonight, I want to stick to the plan."
"Which is?"
Wordlessly, he removed the hand on your waist and entwined it with your own, tugging you toward the living room where an old television had been placed on a rickety-looking shelf. "Sit," he directed, and you did so without hesitation. He paused, biting back a smile at your eager cooperation, and adjusted himself.
It occurred to you that as much as you were affected by him, he was experiencing a similar effect from you. His pants, already tighter than sin, seemed to have become even tighter, as a bulge began to grow while he stood just a few feet from your face.
"Joel—"
"No, no," he waved a dismissive hand and went to the television to grab something. He came back with something you recognized: a VHS tape. "Don't worry 'bout me, sweets. Tonight's just for you."
"We're gonna watch a movie?" you asked, trying to ignore the way your heart sank a little. You had been hoping that the two of you would kiss some more, and maybe even...you didn't even know the name for it.
"Not just any movie," he grinned, putting it in to watch. The video started. "A special one."
When the scene opened on a man and a woman in the throes of passion, you gasped. "No way," you whispered. "I thought Maria—"
He shrugged, sinking down on the couch beside you, his knee bumping yours. "She must've missed this one," was all he said.
The woman looked to be enjoying herself, as her scene partner kissed her neck, dragging his tongue from the dip in her clavicle to the curve of skin where her neck met her ear. A cartoon-ish moan left her lips, but you didn't pay it any mind. The sight of it made your thighs clench together subconsciously, the lick of pressure rising again in your center.
"Joel—"
"Shh," he said gently. "C'mere, darlin'." With no more than a heavy hand on your waist, he tugged you closer to him, situating you over his lap. "Comfortable?"
You almost said no; you knew that this wouldn't be an acceptable seating arrangement in the cafeteria (or anywhere public, for that matter), but when his hands landed on your thighs, you nodded swiftly. His fingers curled around your skin, and you could feel every pulse of his heartbeat through his fingertips, poised as if he might spread your legs from where they were squeezed together between his own thighs.
Something hard and solid nudged at your core, and you couldn't help it when you leaned back into his chest, head tilting back to rest on his shoulder. A breathy moan tumbled from your lips, and your stomach fluttered when you felt his chest rumble with a chuckle.
"That quick, baby?" he whispered, his breath fanning over your neck. "You really are a sweet young thing, aren't ya," he teased, pressing his nose to the joint between your jaw and your neck, "fallin' apart for me already?" He rocked his hips forward, his bulge pressing harder against you, and it nearly sent you into a spiral.
You swallowed, your throat dry. The sounds of the movie seemed far away as you opened your eyes and looked at his beard, peppered with gray and scratching at your chin when he leaned over you. "Joel," you whispered, bringing your hands to cover his own on your thighs, "I-I want to know everything." You'd never meant anything more fervently, more desperately, than this.
If you'd known how addicting this could feel, being so close to him, feeling his hands on you, perhaps you would have been embarrassed at the way your hips began rubbing yourself on his lap, hoping for—you didn't even know what could be after this. You just knew that the way you felt was the most intense thing you'd felt in your entire life, and you wanted to keep feeling this way, as long as you could.
Joel tutted, squeezing his hands on your thighs. "Oh, look at you," he groaned, a deep, carnal noise that made your chest constrict, "you're a natural, doll." His lips brushed your shoulder, and he darted his tongue out to lick a small strip up your neck.
Your heart swelled with the praise, and it was all you could do not to squeeze your eyes shut. "Please," you begged quietly, as if someone might hear you.
"I know, baby, I know," he crooned, dark eyes locked onto your own as his hand crept closer—to your waistband—closer—unzipping your pants—closer...there.
Your hips lifted from his lap with the heady sensation of his fingers pressed to a bundle of nerves between your legs. "Joel—!" you squeaked.
You felt him smile against your cheek. "So wet," he murmured, "so slick for my fingers, baby." He began rubbing that spot in tight circles, a slow, torturous pace. "Let me know when you're gonna come, yeah?"
"When I..." you trailed off. You'd never...how would you know? "I don't..."
Joel hummed in your ear, rocking his hips again and releasing a guttural groan. "S'okay, pretty girl," he reassured you, "I'll be gentle. Lemme know when it feels like it's too much. "I've gotcha."
You were too far gone to doubt him. This was Joel. He wouldn't let you fall, as much as you felt like you were going to slide to the floor at the feeling of his hand coming up from your leg to caress your breast, rolling a nipple between his fingertips. A strangled mix between a cry and a moan left your lips, and with one more kiss to your brow paired with a quick swipe of his finger over your ever-sensitive bud—
Something gave way and you jerked your head back, digging into his shoulder. Your legs spasmed and you squeezed your hand over Joel's, holding his hand in place underneath your panties.
"Fuck, doll, just like that," he encouraged you. "Look at you, eyes rollin' back for me. Shakin' like a good girl." His hips tensed beneath you and you felt his chest shudder as he released a punishing moan. "Got me feelin' like a damn teenager, comin' in my jeans."
His fingers stilled, but his hand didn't move. Your legs slowly stopped shaking, and the solid mass beneath you was softening. You let out a sigh, your eyelids fluttering closed. Your cheeks were flushed, you could tell; but this time, it wasn't embarrassment that brought the warmth to your face.
"You okay?" he murmured, carefully removing his hands from their places on you. "Feel alright, darlin'?"
Your head turned, nestling into the crook of his neck. Nodding quietly, you shifted in his lap. "I...I didn't know it could be like that," you shivered.
Joel paused the video, the living room falling quiet around you. Swinging a hand under your legs and tugging you to a more comfortable position over his lap, he raised his fingers to his lips, glistening with the remnants of your desire. Your jaw slackened when you watched him open his mouth, lapping at the tips of his fingers.
"Trust me, doll," he said with a glint in his eye. You whimpered in anticipation as he reached to brush a strand of hair from your face. "I've got so much more to teach you."
tysm for reading! you made it to the end! part two is in the works posted!
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allsadnshit · 28 days
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Every time I see those posts where girls are like "yeah I still text my ex's mom she is my bestie teehee I won >;-)" I actually wanna throw up
It's so crazy to see how proud people are of not caring about anyone else's boundaries like especially when it's clear they purposefully and spitefully enjoy that it might make their exes uncomfortable
I truly don't give a shit if they had the worst ex in the world, if their move is to try make them feel shitty by rubbing a bond with their parent or sibling or whatever im like yeah you're a piece of shit and I would never even have you as a friend fr
Shit like that absolutely disgusts me and I am baffled by how common it is
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sugarsfics · 1 year
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Overachiever
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Summary: You are the oldest siblings and that takes a toll on your life. Now you are getting your taking your permit test, it doesn’t end in your favor but maybe your day will. 
A/N: This one if for my overachiever girlies. My longest fic so far. This is a little glimpse into my life, most of this was heavenly inspired by want happened when I took my permit test and what I was feeling and overall, how my family life is :/ 
Trope: Boyfriend!Eddie x girlfriend!reader 
Warnings: Hurt to comfort, cussing, crying, a little sexual, use of Y/N bad writing, Eddie being the best
Word count: 2.0k 
You can’t cross a double yellow line. Wait, yes, no, you can’t cross the broken line shit. Here you are studying for your permit test in the late hours, probably not convenient, but you need to study. Tomorrow you are finally taking the test, you feel bad for asking your parents or your boyfriend, Eddie, for a ride for God sake you are in college have a whole ass job and still don’t have you license. After a long time of thinking and figuring out how to do it, you made your appointment. It has been stressful to say the least. You were the oldest of four the “Guinea pig” the “third parent” the “brain” the last one is how they introduced you, who you knew that one trait could take a toll on you. They weren’t wrong, you were way smarter than your other siblings, but your parents put you on this high pedal still. Yes it was nice but they only showed their proudness in public, when you would tell them about a test you aced that you have been studying so hard on because that lesson was kicking your ass, they would look at you and say” “Ok that is what we except of you” and walk off or when you need help your dad would tell you “You should know this already” and then when you failed they made it a pity party all of a sudden wanting to help loudly. But when it came to your brother, the jock, when he came home with a C oh, they praised him, would throw a party. You never got that praise, that where your praise kink comes to play but that is for another time. But Eddie oh Eddie how he gave you the praise you needed that you crave in and outside the bedroom. (Teehee sorry) He was always the first to congratulate you on your A with a big kiss and a promised night of milkshakes, he was even so proud when you made the appointment for your permit test. He was a little sad because he loved driving you around but knew you wanted this. 
Your alarm wakes you up when you checked the time in big red color it read 8:30. Shit, your appointment is at 9 and it takes about 20 minutes to get there Eddie is already on his way shit shit shit. You hurriedly got ready brushing your teeth while finding clothes. You spit out then put on one of Eddie’s shirts and pair of jeans. As you button your jeans you door open “Hey knock-” “Oh hi babe” “Hey my girl late start” “Yeah” “Alright let's get you finished and get this show on the road” he grabbed your purse and look at your calendar “Hey babe what time did you say you appointment was at” “9:00 we got to get going” “It say 9:40 here” “What let me see” Yep you got the time wrong “Oh my god” you were wrong “I am so sorry I thought it was at 9 I-” he kissed you “It’s ok your mind as been going crazy lately good thing I check and good thing it was later not earlier now sit and take a breather” he said calmly. He is right just breath. You already messed up twice and it is not even 9. 
You both ate some breakfast then headed for the van. “M’lady” he bowed as he opened the door. Your curtsied back “Thank you kind sir” he tapped you butt as you hopped in. He made his way to his side “Ready” “Ready has I will ever be” you said nervously. You and Eddie jammed all the way to the DMV. You totally forgot where you were going until he made the finally turn into an ugly gray building. “Ok we are here do you want me to go in with you” “Please” you said weakly. He knew you were scared it was written all over your face, he grabbed and kissed your hand then hopped out to open your door. He held your hand the whole time, your number was called he walked up with you and let you give your information. You started to play with his hand you were getting nervous, the man told you where to go to take you picture your eyes widen. You walked back “Eddie I didn’t know they were going to take my picture” “You look beautiful and plus you are wearing an amazing shirt” he winked, you blushed you forgot you were wearing Eddie’s shirt. 
You got in line for a picture you fixed your hair every two minutes you didn’t realize until Eddie grabbed your hands “Stop you look amazing ok it is just a picture not going on your actual license” right you thought. You held on to Eddie until it was your turn “See you on the other side” he teased as he kissed your cheeks. You step on to the feet on the floor “Don’t move till after the flash” the lady said in a monotone voice. You held a little smile as it flashed, she handed you the paper “Go to number 6 and press start” Here you go Y/N you got this deep breath. You pressed start the first question popped up, you answered. Then your mind wondered seeing everyone face when you failed this seeing Eddie’s disapproved face. Then you thought about how everyone will act when you passed happy, Eddie was happy. Your life would start when you passed, as you answered more questions the more you doubted yourself before you knew it those words popped up FAILED. 
Your heart stopped you failed; you don’t fail. You did the walk of shame to the next man at the window you lowly said, “I um fail so” “Ok you have two more tries, study then make another appointment” and let you go. You failed. Eddie was sitting in the waiting room and making eye contact. You shook your head, he nodded and got up stretched and made his way to you. He put his arm around you and walked out together in silence. He opened your door and squeezed your hand as you went in. He took one look at you and said “Are you doing to cry” “No” you said weakly followed by a sniffle “Come here” he leaned over a brought you into a hug he heard your muffled I failed I failed I'm a failure “Hey you are not a failure ok you still have two more tries it took me 5 times to pass” “Yea but that’s you I don’t fail I pass the first time” “I'm not going to take that offensively” he teased “I'm sorry I didn’t mean that” “I just teasing I know what you mean” You mind was racing seeing all the different scenarios that could happen when you get home, there is one were they overly feel bad and then start helping, one where they look down upon you calling up stupid and telling you how it was common sense anyone could pass it, the last one oh how you hoped it was the last one they would console you and tell you that they were sorry that they didn’t help you and how they put too much on your plate will you were trying to study. Please be the last one. 
Eddie pulled into your driveway “Ok” he began “I got to get to work I will come by later night” “Ok see you then” he pulled you in to a passionate kiss “You are going to be fine my love plus I like you as my passenger princess” you nodded and headed your door; you waved as he left. When you walked in your mom looked at you, “So” she blurted “No I didn’t pass” please be last one. Nope he was a combination of the first and second one, it took you over an hour to get into your room because all you wanted to do was be alone. Your dad said his famous line 100 times “It’s common sense” that he asks you what questions you missed, like if you knew, you explained how the test work and you didn’t see if your answers were right or wrong, he told said you were wrong “that’s not the way when I took it” I JUST TOOK THE TEST he took it years ago. You lied on your bed and cried, cried until you couldn't breathe any more. As slumber took over you heard you window open and the scent of Eddie filled your nose, you were facing the wall, you hear him unbutton his pants and the chains clunking together when the fell, you heard him tripped over his on feet with a faint shit, your bed dipped as his big hands grabbed your waist and turned you over.  
What he saw made his heart break his girl his baby his love with red puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. He brought you into his chest, rubbed your back and kissed you head, you couldn't hold back any more fat tears fell from your eyes as your body shakes “Yep let it all out” “I don’t understand” “What my love” “They make me feel as if I’m not good enough or too good I don’t know they- they make me seem like this perfect smart daughter then when I’m not all hell goes loose or when I am they give my nothing” you cried “I got into an university a fuckin university and I was the only one excited, you were excited, they told me that that is what the except of me so why celebrate” “I-I-I" “Relax ok I got you” Eddie interrupted “I just want to go away live my life without worry, not worry about how they would react or say” you added “Then let’s go” you sat up “What?!” “Yeah, let’s go run away me and you” “But you have a job and Wayne and-” “Pff I have enough money saved for us to go away for a while find our life...I have actually been thinking about it for a while so what do you say” you sat there for about 10 minutes and Eddies know you are thinking of every scenario possible “Yeah let do it” 
You and Eddie quickly grabbed clothes and pictures and anything else you might need. As Eddie snuck in and out of the window putting your clothes in the van you wrote a letter. Dear family, by the time you read this I will be out of Hawkins, maybe out of Indiana but I need to do this. I'm not sugar coating anything I am running away because of you guys, yes, I love you mom and dad and my siblings, but you are too much you put too much on me. I never got to live my life my “teenage years” I was either babysitting or cleaning or study then you would tell me to let loose stopping being uptight, so I did and met Eddie, then I was reckless and wasn’t acting right. I will never see as perfect in your eyes; I will never get that praise and love I need from you. So, I am leaving to find my life. I will always love you and don’t go looking for me, I will call when I am ready. -Love Y/N Tearing were coming again “Ready” Eddie said kissing your cheek. You nodded “Ready as I will ever be” Eddie helps you out your window and duct down to his van. When you got to Eddie place Wayne was there bringing you into a big hug. Eddie explained what you both were doing, and Wayne understood, he wished you good luck and called at every rest stop. As he left for his shift, he gave Eddie a long hug with words of encouragement and joked about getting his room back. After getting all of Eddie’s things together you snuggled into Eddie’s bed for the last time and talked about the future, sleep took over. Tomorrow will be the start of your life with the love of your life.  
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shallowseeker · 8 months
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Shal SPN meta masterpost
(The thought of labeling my unhinged ramblings as "essays" or "meta" honestly gives me hives.) But well. After a year, I'm still here, and I am making and updating this (A) to happily re-visit my thoughts for my own enjoyment and (B) to add to my pinned post.
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MY META:
==Most Liked==
Dean, Cas, and sharing pockets
Jack's nephilim eyesight triggering Dean's germ anxiety
== Roles, Identity, Careers, Class ==
Performing Dean, the AV Club, and Jack as varsity MVP
Even when Chuck "humiliates" Castiel, Dean still likes him
Cas + "dad material"
Anna and the angelic non-integration of her own emotions
Are angels terrified of fathering Nephilim?
Jack is not part of a traditional, cookie-cutter nuclear family. That's the WHOLE POINT
Nazi Cas, and the implications for Jimmy Novak
Beware the validity of Cupid in My Bloody Valentine
== Core traits ==
Dean + I don't deserve happiness
Cas + shabby angel of the Lord
Lucifer + cognitive empathy
Lucifer...doesn't really rib Cas that hard about his feelings for Dean
Dean's guilt and emotions make him LOOK guiltier than other characters
Dean + ashamed of being alive
== Symbols ==
Castiel's coat of arms - When Cas dons the overcoat, he hijacks the narrative
Dean, the Cupid, and the insidious motive to demoralize his faith in ever finding "True Love"
Searching for a rainbow + forbidden love is forbidden
Jack ate the world: foreshadowing gods eating souls + nephilim lore
Cas died on a beach! + Jack's place of birth was specifically the famously doomed Washaway Beach
==Car meta ==
Cas + cars (!)
The pimpmobile as a marker of Cas's unsettled identity
The truck is the mark of a family protector and Sam loves little blue cars teehee
Family cars + protecting the ones you love
==Pop culture, music, media ==
Head canon that Dean buried Cas by a windmill, but it’s because he and Cas have had deep conversations about Animal House.
Jack + Dean + hyperfixations on music
==Grief ==
The familial murder of the mother, the blaming of absent father, and the symbolic death of a child in 14x18 Absence
Dean looks around for Cas after he prays in 13x01
Smiting Belphegor made Jack's death real
Harper Sayles and the romanticized first love
How Jack & Dean wanted to look ahead in Optimism and fail at doing it when Jack dies just two episodes later
==TFW dynamics ==
Dean's family was willing to sacrifice him, and that gets overlooked (from an ask)
Dean's Farewell Tour + Avoiding Cas - part 1
TFW are messy disaster parents and I dig it
When Dean killed Belphegor, it was about Rowena, but it was ALSO about [OMITTED]
Cas + resilience + repeat existential crises
Dean & Cas + Covert Communication in 15x09
Claire & Jack are uneasy around each other at best; actively dislike each other at worst
== Breakdowns ==
Jack's best memory was in 13x06; some notes about the scene
Oh, my GOD, Cas. Dean was so stupidly worried about you, you dumbass. (12x17-12x19)
Season 11-12 Lucifer + war + rejection + Jack -> the thing that will give his life new meaning
== Script talk ==
Like a baby lion is proud of his kill, Jack overkills Nick with graphic, brutal efficiency in SPN 14x17 Game Night
The mission before all else + Mary's trust in Jack in 14x17 Game Night
Dean & Cas in season 15: doomed by too much faith in each other?
== Unpopular and/or controversial opinions ==
Dean would never say I Love You to ANYONE in those circumstances.
How Dean and Cas lost the thread of free will in SPN season 15
The incest jokes and innuendos are primarily about class disrespect
The argument that Cas has no parental authority over Jack (and Sam and Dean do)...doesn't hold up
Ben is not's Dean's son. Full stop.
Heaven is a war machine
Endverse Cas + The Nephilim-making Strategy
-> Contrarian takes:
Purgatory isn’t pure in the *good* sense; it’s a suicide trap and a black-and-white, unthinking world (long)
Cas actually DID check out naked Hannah (very long)
Cas has good reason to need forgiveness during the divorce arc...he is not blameless (long)
Does Chuck's female coding carry ill intent?
==Finale metas==
What if Dean dying on the rebar was an accidental manifestation of Chuck!God!Amara!Jack’s latent feelings? (long)
Searchin' for a rainbow + Cas's death + forbidden love (long)
== Funny thoughts ==
Jack + typewriter
Lebanon inhabitants + TFW fake jobs
Jack & Dean + nephilim eyesight + GERMS
Ketch, the father
Sam wigged out when Eileen didn't leave and note and Dean deserved to say things about it - lol
Cas is SO old, y'all
Dean hate-watches Gone with the Wind
Dean doesn't "feel more deeply than anyone," you FOOL
Dean/Cas are that unsettling, unhinged couple who looks absolutely demented when they kiss
== Random ideas ==
What if Cas's Enochian rib carvings affected Cas's abilities to hear Sam and Dean's prayers?
== SPNwin ==
There’s a lot of merit in being anti-destiny, anti-soulmate, anti-chosen-one, anti-Cupid, anti-mirrors/anti-parallels. (long)
Natural crisis points built into The Winchesters character arcs (long)
To be updated.
///
(Text Attributions// Supernatural scripts here via @spnscripthunt. Transcripts are located here via SPNWiki. Visit their Tumblr to donate.)
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yandere-monoma · 10 months
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good evening it is 4am and i have writer's block so imma reread one of my fave recent fics and reminisce about having the ability to write lmfao
so WHOO, eat your young: director's commentary:
the fuckin song gets stuck in my head every time i read the title HJGKFGS originally i was stuck between this one or another title from aNOTHER song but i forgot what that song was so note to self: edit this post when i remember LOL
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lines like these are ones that potentially make me dissociate to reread HAHAHA. i don't even know if it quite portrays the atmosphere i'm usually referencing with lines like these (there's something about the lighting that accompanies irl traumatic memories for me that i always end up focusing on and trying to allude to in writing even when i'm not necessarily trying to project... being drenched in darkness with only one point of light to focus on... @_@) but idk its tasty and i love how i opened this fic teehee
this opening scene is very much a love letter (and quick summary of) all the FUCKIN stridercest fics i've read throughout the years, like one of the many things i love about any darkfic niche part of fandom is that there tends to be these few locations that everyone settles on and obsesses over for their ships. for todocest it's the dojo, for goyuu its the basement, for a lot of stridercest fics it's bro's couch/futon. i wanted something that was quickly recognizable for anyone who also has been reading their way through the tag like i have HJSKFG
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one of those teeny tiny lil motifs that i had fun sprinkling in ghsdjfkg very fun to play with homestuck's use of color motifs and what it could provide for dave in this new context. it's also a reference to the epilogues, which i'm more obvious about when i bring the motif back later:
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in the epilogues, there's a few moments where john waxes poetic about the slightly unsettling environment of earth c
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and the thought of that drove me crazy. earth c and the way it's supposed to represent this unfitting paradise that's just a little bit wrong and a little too perfect and the way that perfection grates at you when you start to notice it. i love the metaphor of paradise being uncomfortable because of all the trauma and grief and fighting that preceded it. rly reminds me of how hard it is irl to adjust to happiness and love and comfort after being abused and hurt for so long 😩😩😩
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don't even ask me where the bro drinks hibiki hc came from but it's something i carried over from the brorose pornverse because ~consistency~
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nothing to say besides being proud of this LOL
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man i have such a love/hate relationship with writing dave dialogue and by that i mean i hate it cuz i never think it's enough LMFAO. i envy anyone who can adopt homestuckian humor and wit easily because i can Not. like i try my best but just know every second i gotta write this idiot talking i'm screaming in agony and bleeding out my ass about it internally JHKFGS
wonder if i'd feel differently if his dialogue was in the pesterchum fonts tho...
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CRAZY how much i like that better HAHAHFGKSDFG
one day i'll do a fic where the dialogue is done like the epilogues but until then i suffer and die every time i have to use proper grammar for dave's speech, anyway,
ANYWAY john being a terrible parent is one of the sexiest things that has ever been done with his character i'm so thankful for it godjskfgsdfg and i love thinking about dave's misplaced guilt on the matter. "You want to be on your best friend's side for this, sure, bristling with the instinct to defend him, but you can't commit to it. The sad kid in front of you, put out and missing his father's love, that's who has all your sympathy right now." dave being unable to keep from projecting onto harry from the start, unable to keep from instantly empathizing with the child's point of view in this scenario (partially because he can't unsee himself as anything but an abused child even despite his growing age) and immediately feeling himself distancing emotionally from john at the thought that he could be anything like bro as a guardian.
it's actually a shame i didn't rly get a chance to elaborate on this further because i think there's a lot of fun to be had with thinking about dave's reactions to john's parenting from this point on, like... GOD. when john tried to kidnap tavvy as a kid???????????? feel like that's a fucking GOLD mine of possibly triggering ammo against dave's psyche goddamnit
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if harry didn't change the subject here, he would have started bashing john for his drinking habits and canon tendency to traumadump on him while drunk HJSKFG he's made harry incredibly uncomfortable more than a few times doing this and i think it's definitely made an impression on him, but harry decides not to because he doesn't want to do the same thing to dave. he also doesn't want to remind dave that they're doing anything 'bad' here
writing shit like this into a story rly is just for the purpose of practicing interiority in characterization hehe. i feel like it's also a side effect from writing for theatre, trying to mimic as many naturalistic structures of dialogue as possible. fun to fit in tangents that just never really get answered or directly referred to
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THE WAY THERE WAS NO ROOM TO TALK ABOUT DAVEJADE FAILED MARRIAGE BUT GOD I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT DAVEJADE FAILED MARRIAGE SO BAAAAAAAD tfw you spend all your free time hanging out with teenagers to avoid having sex with your loving wife
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this part of the fic is fun because originally this idea came from a discord convo
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and it is SO FUCKING FUN to write prose around someone else's dialogue and thoughts 10/10 will recommend
it's especially fun too because all of dave's thoughts and dialogue from around this point on is mostly outlined by my friend, so it was so fun getting to work their insights and characterization into my own interpretation of his character
...
the build-up where dave and harry start snuggling drives me fucking crazy every time like every time i reread this bit i'm always biting on my knuckles and screaming goddamnit goddamnit dirty wrong awful intimacy that suddenly overwhelms you and crushes you and you don't even notice the way you're dissociating from your every action but you aRE
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originally this paragraph was also supposed to have a davejade mention but i just couldn't figure out how to make the thought flow well with everything else. originally there was supposed to be something about the way he always shrinks away from jade's touches, how they always make him feel worse and feel colder than he did before she'd tried, but yeah... didnt fit... and ultimately i think the fic is stronger as is. jade being an afterthought that only vaguely gets talked around feels very ic for candy dave anyway HJGFK and rly everything that he feels towards her is more just a side effect of everything he's suffered by bro's hands. no need to focus on his discomfort about jade when his discomfort about harry is more than enough
that being said every time i remember everything i had to omit i WAAAAAAIL
"Syrup clogs your throat. Your throat burns dully, your tongue feeling heavy with that leftover numbing weight of sugar and liquor." lines i cant reread without rly badly craving booze
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literally the biggest challenge of this fic was the fact that its secretly a johndave/daveroxy/daverose fic HAHAHGFJG like trying to balance the fact that one of dave's biggest driving forces when it comes to his attraction to harry is that he's just been hosting a million and one ultimately unrequited crushes all his life that he's now projecting forward and trying to showcase that without drawing tOOOOOOOO much attention away from the other main driving force (brodirk and the incest fetish he'd instilled in him)... so sooo hard to balance but i like to think i did a decent job
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'let him escape this feeling like he might still be a good person' is such a fucking good line/thought/sentiment that i'm so upset i had no room for cuz it's so good HJGKFSGS who knows maybe one day i'll be able to figure out a way to squeeeeeeze it into an edit cuz god knows i still tweak this and all my fics every now and then
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😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love this part... go off past ricky... do find it funny tho that i was ~vibing~ so hard with the prose that i forgot dave's canon ages just a tad HAHA shhhh
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these are some of my favorite kisses i've ever written goddamnit
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literally the funniest and most inspiring words my writing partner has ever said like LEGEND... it was this phrase specifically that made me drop everything and start writing this fic cuz i KNEW i needed to slap that onto the summary pls JGKLFSG
(Did you ever have a chance? Did he?)
i feel obligated to speak on this line because it's like. one of the huge major themes of the fic HJSKDFGSFG the inevitability of dave continuing a cycle that he's been trying to avoid. really, what can i say, though. this fic follows a timeline that's alluded to but still has yet to be written out (and who knows if i ever actually will write it out, i'm kinda just updating this fic series based on impulses) where dave moves on to project all his trauma with bro onto dirk after they win the game. i love the thought of them trying their best to keep up the brother routine before dave's need to retraumatize himself and dirk's own fucked up inclinations results in them becoming sexually involved. like, honestly, i could go on forever about dirkdave and the ways they make each other better and worse but yeah. the second dave gave into that self destructive urge, he was done. and it's something that bled into his marriage, that bled into his inability to rly engage with karkat, that fed on his ability to be his own person and work on his own recovery. dirk died and the universe went stagnant and with it, dave's ability to grow out of the mold he was forced into by bro
so yeah. he's already at this huge disadvantage. and while this fic focuses on dave's perspective, there's a lot to be said about harry's mindset as well. the way he's egging this on, the way he's encouraging it, the way he's trying to poke into any sort of vulnerability that dave may or may not have. the way he wouldnt quite have the words to pinpoint and identify shit like emotional incest or grooming but he can see that there's something wrong and exciting about what they're doing that he wants to take part in. being set up to failure because of john's neglect, already thinking he's more mature than he is because of it, perhaps knowing just a bit too much about romance and sex because of whatever weirdass confessions about his own relationships john had unwittingly given him. not to mention his feelings for dave and the way he makes him feel like they're equals and the way he gets attention and affection freely from him without really having to fuss and fight for it like he does with vrissy.
so yeah. these two were doomed from the start 😌💙
'That saccharine sear of shame that washes over you then only makes it worse. You can’t fucking believe you’re popping a boner ten seconds into a make-out session.'
so like, i wrote this before getting deep into the show succession and thank god cuz this def would have turned into a ramble about how dave probably was completely unable to get it up during sex with jade. that absolutely was the case because i like to think that dave really is just hardwired into having rly bad sexual hang-ups where his body is just so conditioned to react to a lack of consent and boundaries and an abundance of incest but now thanks to my intimate knowledge of roman roy i also know now that dave occasionally (frequently) has rly bad erectile dysfunction in the face of anything '''healthy'''. thanks a lot succ
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this isn't where the wordplay starts but it's where a good amount of it is HJGKFG i feel like 'bro' is a silly word to use in big deep serious prose sometimes HAHAH so my reluctance to use it here is part of why this wordplay started but the other reason is because i have a BIG stylistic thing(tm) about playing with pronouns and names and what omitting them can do for the narrative. blurring bro and dirk by refusing to name them but letting their actions speak for which splinter is being referred to was a very fun experiment (though, perhaps less successful than other iterations of mine where i did this same sort of pronoun play... OH WELL they cant all be perfect)
mentally dave switches from aggressor to aggressor. this possessive need to destroy harry starts to bleed in, inspired by bro and what he'd done to dave and what he'd taught him of sexuality and domination. a part of him resists that, reminding him of the terrifying impact of it all, the horror of initiating and acting on a fucked up desire, and then he switches to dirk, projecting that forward instead. dirk, who he is currently choosing to see more as a victim, who was just trying to help dave as he pushed and pushed at him. it's simultaneously a moment where he can start to blame harry just a little bit about what's happening instead of himself (because harry keeps pushing, he keeps begging to do this, he thinks it's what he wants and dave is just helping him because he doesn't feel he has a choice) and it's a moment where he finally puts himself in dirk's shoes and realizes (fears) that maybe dirk didn't want this as much as he might have acted. that dirk had likely gone through a similar internal conflict that started to kill him inside.
'Jade tries, but something about her touch disgusted you.' IT WAS SUCH A STRUGGLE TO FINALLY MENTION HER LMFAOHSDJFKG such a relief... altho the line after this one rly kicked my ass i could not figure it out for the longest time hjskdfgsg jadey i love you im so sorry
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this was an interesting divulgence from the original thought:
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which i couldnt rly fit in especially with how balls deep we're into dave's thoughts at the moment but i love it
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this line is so stupid HAHAJFGSFG its so funny to me. its a shoutout to me realizing halfway through the initial outline that they're actually half brothers instead of JUST uncle/nephew AND it's a reference to this specific incest joke in the epilogues
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(the way harry is there to witness this moment and also say the word incest right after dave... a ship made for mE)
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i love this sequence so much i'm so proud of it like FUCK
some of my friends have started to use this line as a copypasta now and it cracks me the FUCK up every time they do HJSKFDGSDF
generally, whenever i write stream of consciousness fics, i'm always building up and waiting for the moment where the stream suddenly goes off track. there's always gonna be a super fun part where i get to just ramble out a bunch of run-on sentences and hopefully even format them in a fun absolutely-inspired-by-poetry way. and i can't stress enough how fucking SATISFYING it is to get there and have it come out (almost) exactly how you thought it would whee
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THOUGHTS THAT GOT LOST BUT GOD HARRY CRACKS ME UP... and i love that part of john's personality... and i love the way it unknowingly grates on dave hjsdfg he definitely has a very clear image of victimhood and the way harry doesn't fit into that mold drives him fucking crazy.
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one of my favorite parts of dave's unreliable narration, him projecting onto dirk because of his own guilt. it's the only way he can really bring himself to admit that, in that moment, after everything he's done, he's immediately feeling suicidal and bereft with his guilt on the whole situation.
i mention this in a comment as well but i love to think about ult dirk and dirk's internal corruption of his own character. i think it's a fun chicken or the egg scenario, trying to decide if dirk was still himself when he allowed dave to seduce him into this, if dirk's guilt helped guide him into his eventual instability, or if that instability is what lead to him acting on his incestuous urges. did his actions lead to him being labeled a villain, or did he decide to prove his villainy by lashing out?
and it is VERY fun to have this be something dave had done, knowing that in the future, he will be guided into his own metaphorical and literal suicide, abandoning a life he's more than ready to run away from =u= and the cycle continues nyehehe
final thoughts that may or may not be used in a future fic (i'm the black):
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what the hell is wrong with harry in d e e d... stares at john
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llewyndavissmuse · 5 months
Text
How I Think The Star Wars Sequal Trilogy Characters (As Well As My Other Star Wars OCs) Would Style Leo’s Hair
I wanted to make this because Leo has absolutely luscious, long, beautiful black hair it’s actually unfair (teehee that rhymed.)
Rey: Now, me personally, I love Rey. I just think the creators could’ve idk NOT made her a Mary Sue character?? But anyways, I think Rey would style Leo’s hair with space buns. Like the long-haired style space buns. Idk I just think Rey loves space buns, but she could never try it on herself. She has to try it on other person, and what better person to try that hairstyle on but Leo?
Finn: Pigtail braids. No questions asked. Though, I think Finn would be nervous to style Leo’s hair because he’s so used to his short hair, so he wouldn’t be used to their long hair. He would constantly ask if he’s pulling Leo’s hair, and they would have to reassure him that they’re not in any pain.
Poe: Literally would just curl it to match his “tousled” hair. What I mean by that is that he wets it with a spray bottle, and even sprays Leo when they complain about being soaked, and dries it, and calls I a hairstyle. The funniest part will be that he would be so proud of it, showing off his “masterpiece” to almost everyone in the Resistance. Like, “Yeah, I can style hair! I’m the best!” type of situation, when all he did was two steps. He’s trying his best…
Kylo Ren: WAIT WAIT WAIT BEFORE YOU SAY, “Doesn’t Leo hate his guts?” JUST HEAR ME OUT ON THIS PLEASE. I think Kylo would give Leo a emo/scene kid hairstyle LMAOOOO THAT WOULD BE SO CUTE, BUT SO FUNNY. And like while he’s doing their hair, they’re both just silent and awkward because their first interaction with each other was when the First Order killed Leo’s parents. Eventually when Leo is done, they mutter a soft, “Thank you,” and Kylo nods.
Rose: I know a lot of the fandom don’t like Rose, but just hear me out (again.) I think Rose would give Leo a half up and half down ponytail. She thinks the hairstyle would look cute on them, and once she’s done, she’ll put stickers on Leo’s face (she seems like that type of person to put stickers on her own face.) Leo would complain for a little bit, but eventually shut up once Rose starts putting the stickers on them.
Han: I know he died in the first movie, but if he were to meet Leo, and do their hair, he would probably give her an 80s rocker head hairstyle, with a lot of water, drying, and hairspray. He’ll probably say something like, “Lookin’ good, kid. Robyn will really swoon over you, now,” which would make Leo’s face turn bright red.
Leia: Leia would definitely give Leo her Original Trilogy double bun hairstyle. Leia definitely has mom hands, and it would definitely have Leo shouting in pain. It doesn’t anger Leia, it just amuses her. After all, her son did grow up to be a tyrant, turning him to the dark side and all. All she ever wanted was a child, and Leo maybe, just maybe, might be that child.
Luke: Luke would probably give a simple yet pretty hairstyle. Probably like a low bun with a braided headband on the top. I think he likes to keep things easy, and hairstyles are no exception. Leo would ask why, and he would just shrug and say some wise Jedi stuff like, “Being simple does not equal laziness, Leo Xi,” and leave Leo giggling at his Jedi mindset (not in a bad way.)
Robyn (OC): Ah yes, Leo’s childhood friend turned love interest. She would definitely give Leo a fluffy hairstyle like she has, but for longer hair, of course. Her tender hands would leave Leo a flustered and stuttering mess. Why can I say? They have such a sappy, teenage romance that makes Poe and Finn’s romantic tension (if it’s even at that point, I would say beyond romantic) look good, not that it isn’t good. Those two just love being around each other. You think they’re attached to the hip? You haven’t even seen Robyn and Leo’s relationship.
Zak (OC): Zak has killer dreads, so Leo has to match him with box braids, right? Zak, being a POC (Black specifically), grew up with his scalp being sore and swollen after his mother pulled his hair in tight braids. So, he kinda feels slightly bad when he hears Leo complain almost in tears because he knows how rough his hands are because of watching and experiencing his mom do his own hair. I mean, come on. Leo is white, like ghostly white, and their hair is as dark as night. They were in so much pain, that they pleaded Zak to take the braids out. Zak apologizes so many times when he takes out the braids, and Leo winces. Leo then respects Zak for growing up with the most beautiful hairstyles, but asks how he dealt with the pain, to which he laughs and says, “I’m used to it, Leo.” (Btw I know and respect Black hairstyles and their history. If I made any mistakes, you guys can politely correct me on them. Love my POC folks too mwah mwah.)
Woah, that was a lot to write, but it was so fun! Anyways, I hope you have an amazing rest of your day/afternoon/night! Byeee!!!
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noonaishere · 1 year
Note
i just wanted to like tell you that your jaehyun smau was literally my fuel for a couple of days. i didn’t want to like every single chapter or comment a lot ‘cause i didn’t want to spam, so hopefully this makes up for it? shows my love? and how thankful i am?? like this made me happy, this gave me inspiration to get through my day JUST to read this, legitimately had “come on do this assignment THEN you can read” going through my head. it was just, really really nice to read, and i’m happy you posted it 💜 idk maybe this is making a mountain out of an ant hill in a good way, but it genuinely made me feel happier than i already am! i hope your pillow is always cold, you grades (if you’re in school) are always up, your food always the perfect temperature, your hands and feet never cold, your days always good, and the weather always nice, have an amazing day/night 💗
Hold on, hold on, hold on, lemme just 
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Do people get mad when other people comment on every chapter of their fic? I have to say - in this instance at least - that I am not people.. uh... those people. (Wait, did I just out myself as not being human or something? What?) I could not imagine seeing multiple likes or comments on something I’ve written and getting mad, my attention-starved ass is like “Yes! Please tell me how much you love it! Shower me in compliments! Like everything! Reblog it so other people see it and do the same!” and then I bashfully teehee to myself like:
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(Like when you’re little and your parents hang your art on the fridge or something and you’re all proud but also a little shy from the attention lol)
Honestly, I love when people leave comments as they’re reading, because seeing people react as the story unfolds is really funny. (Like when this was uploading and people were yelling because the slow burn was too slow... babies, I did not come here to fuck around. If I promise you a slow burn I will give you a slow burn lol.)
The only bad effect that results from any compliment at the moment is that I’m like, “Omg! I want to write more!” ...but I can’t until the semester ends 😭😭😭 So right now I’m like this:
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So until I can finish my new fic, I’ll be in like... CRY-ostasis (like that? lol) in which I am frozen, but not in ice, in sadness because I can’t write.
But anyway, thank you for the compliments! I read it and was like “teeheehee” kicking my legs (in my mind) because of it lol. And like... you said it helped get you through the day, isn’t that what art is for? To make our lives better or at least more bearable? I’m glad you found so much solace in it. I started writing because I wanted to read stories that I couldn’t find (I know I made a post with my AO3 on here somewhere if you want to read my old fics. Be warned: there’s a lot of smut lol), and seeing people read them for the same reason I read things is cool. We’re all just people who want stories, you know? Anyway, I need to stop philosophizing, or we’ll be here all day. Here:
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And here’s a meme I made just for you:
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Thank you so much 😭😭😭🖤🖤🖤
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v1oletvenus · 3 years
Text
homesick
Imagine: You're a relatively new student at hogwarts, having transferred from a school abroad. Your parents send you a letter telling you they miss you, after which the marauders help you to overcome your homesickness.
mentions: platonic marauders x reader except they're each just a teensy bit in love with you without knowing it, gryffindor fem reader, secretive reader, crying, missing family and homesickness, slighttttt flirting teehee, comfort and hugs, also by the way Y/O/S = your old school and your animagus is a black cat :)
a/n: i've never posted any of my writing publicly on tumblr before so a bit nervy, hope you enjoy! these are gonna be kinda based on my marauders DR. lmfaooo in jealous of y/n imagine having a healthy home life 🤧 if there's any advice or suggestions anyone has, feel free to message :)) xoxo
It'd been a few weeks at hogwarts by now - you had found yourself closest with your roomates and the marauders. Albiet you were secretive - both you and they knew that - they enjoyed your company just as much as you did theirs, and became fast friends with them. You'd made many friends in other houses too, what with inter-house classes and people simply being intrigued by you as the beautiful new girl, but none such as those in your house, Gryffindor.
Stumbling upon their preparation for a prank, your clever suggestion to approach the slytherin common rooms from another side of the castle to avoid walking past Slughorn's office with a bunch of irritable and noisy pixies, resulted in you being given the title of the fifth marauder within no time. You spent time in the common room with them, being given mini tours of the castle between classes as you got your bearings, and sat with them in the great hall more commonly than with any other friends you'd made.
With Lily, Mary and Marlene, you had already become close from living together and staying up talking half the night having heart-to-hearts. You never said much about yourself, but listened to them and gave them advice that they would cherish, earning you their trust. You'd already had individual hugs with your roomates and several group hugs after deep conversations at 3am together. But besides a few high-fives from the boys, perhaps the accidental brushing of hands or feet, and James' arm slung over your shoulder proudly after that successful prank you'd played a key role in planning, you'd not shown your growing affection for your new guy friends through hugs yet - which is how you historically had expressed your love for your friends.
And you didn't expect it to be them hugging you the first time it happened.
You'd known they each had their own struggles - this was evident from the howlers Sirius received from his parents, the scars littered over Remus' body, Peter's timidness and somewhat sycophantic tendencies, and James' habitual overcompensating. You'd expected that they would need hugging first - not you, the girl with perfect parents, perfect grades and all these newfound friends perfectly suited to you.
You were studying alone in the great hall one thursday evening after supper - taking some somewhat needed alone time from all the attention you'd been getting as a new student - when you noticed a familiar pale grey owl swooping down with a similarly grey letter in its clutches. The Y/L/N family owl.
You had been waiting three weeks for this moment - your parents always sent you letters at Y/O/S, and you had hoped for one to arrive every time you sat in the hall and saw mail arriving. But until now, no luck. Perhaps because its international mail, they'll arrive later and more sporadically, you thought. That's fine, I'll just cherish every letter they send.
You greeted the silver owl with a gentle 'hello there' and a tickle to its chin. It cooed, closing its eyes in what seemed like a smile. You picked up the letter, smiling at the sight of your father's familiar handwriting.
To: Y/N Y/L/N
Gryffindor Tower, Hogwarts
You opened the letter carefully, delicately handling the parchment as if it might disappear into dust should you hold it wrong.
You began to read.
Our darling Y/N,
We both hope this letter finds you well, settled and happy in your new home. But it would be remiss if we didn't acknowledge that our home isn't the same without you, petal. Our lives aren't the same without you. We do look forward to your letter back to us telling us all about your new friends and your lessons and gryffindor. Speaking of, well done for your house placement, sweetheart! Although neither of us were Gryffindors, we secretly envy you - it's the best house and everybody knows it ;) We love you and miss you so much, darling. Write back to us soon telling us everything!
All our love, Mama and Papa
Your heart swelled as you read and re-read their letter, smiling giddily and laughing at their enthusiasm. You could practically hear and see their joy through the letter. You felt their love envelop you as you pressed the letter to your chest, smiling. You felt nothing but happiness with this letter in your hands.
In a flurry you quickly ripped out a page from your notebook that you'd been studying in to write back, eagerly.
Dearest Papa and Mama,
I miss you so mu
You paused, staring at the page, then at the owl, which was contently staring around the hall. You glanced back at the letter your parents sent in your hand, the smile on your face fading.
You missed them so much.
You hadn't realised the metaphorical breath you'd been holding this whole time, waiting for their letter. And now you had it, you felt like you were crumbling.
You bit down on your quivering lower lip, deciding to write the letter later. It's the studying that has me all emotional, I'm too tired. I'll write to them tomorrow, when I'm rested. That's right, that I'll do. You resolved, with a small nod, ignoring the tears welling up in your eyes.
You gathered your things, putting them into your bookbag. "Will you be alright getting to the owlery, love?" you leant down and pet the family owl, which cooed in response and flew towards the owlery once you'd begun to walk out of the hall.
You dipped in and out of smiling and crying silent tears as you walked down the emptying hallways. You missed them - you missed your family.
You approached the portrait, offering a shy smile as you looked to your feet and blinked away tears, wiping your cheeks as new droplets trickled down.
"Lionheart." You muttered. She offered a sympathetic look as she opened the entrance for you.
You stepped through the portrait hole, instantly being washed over with the comfort of the common room. It wasn't too busy, most people were upstairs readying for bed. A slow and soft song crackled on the record player in the corner, and you hummed along, trying to hold in your tears threatening to spill as you walked towards the stairs to the girl's dorms.
"Paws, where have you been?!" You heard to your right, turning to look. You saw the marauders hanging out near the record player by the fire, Sirius and Remus sitting on the sofa, heads poking out to smile at you. James was the one who saw you, standing up in front of them, dangerously close to the fire himself. Peter sat perched on the armrest of the couch next to Remus, offering you a grin.
"I thought we agreed on midnight." Remus mumbled confused, looking around at his mates.
"No, you agreed on midnight, moony. Everyone else prefers paws. Majority rules." Sirius quipped, looking at his friend beside him.
"Yeah, you like that nickname, don't you paws?" James asked.
Your silence made all of their gazes turn back to you.
"Y/N?" Pete questioned, standing up slowly from his perch, noticing your sad demeanor.
You tried to smile, offering a weak laugh, not meeting any of their eyes. "Y-Yeah, well… I mean, I don't mind." You stuttered. Then, you blinked without thinking, sending two tears that were welling up in your eyes streaking down your cheeks. You bit your lower lip, internally cursing yourself, wiping at your cheeks swiftly.
"Are you alright?" James said softly, walking slowly towards you, concern laced in his voice. You looked down at your shoes, blushing in embarrassment.
"Sorry, guys." You mumbled, sniffing quietly, as you saw James' shoes in front of yours.
"No, no, don't apologise." You heard Remus saying, coming up beside you. "D'you want to sit down for a minute?" He asked. You nodded softly, sniffing again. He cautiously took your hand in his, leading you over to the couch they were all sat on previously, as James slipped your bookbag of your shoulder and put it on his, following you and Remus to the couch.
You looked up slightly, catching Sirius' gaze as he stood, worry in his eyes as his brow creased. You offered him a small smile, which he returned as you sat where he had before. He kneeled in front of you as Remus came to sit on your left, Peter on your right, and James standing behind you.
"What's the matter, darling?" Sirius asked, picking up your limp right hand and holding it in his, his thumb brushing over your knuckles comfortingly.
"I got... a letter..." you murmured.
His hand stiffened, before the other came to rest on top of yours. "What kind of letter? Was it a... a howler?" he asked, fearing your answer, as he knew all too well the effects of such correspondence.
You smiled down at your hand in his. "Godric, no, nothing like that." You said quickly, looking up and blinking back tears. "That's why I feel so silly blubbering like this, it's ridiculous." You shook your head.
"It's not ridiculous, Y/N." Pete said from beside you. You smiled at him gratefully through watery eyes, and a twinkle in his eyes appeared at such a simple gesture.
"You can tell us, but only if you're comfortable." Remus reassured. You sighed, looking down and closing your eyes and letting the final tears trickle down your cheeks.
"My parents sent me a letter telling me how much they miss me and how proud they are of me. And I realised how much I love and miss them back. And how things are different now I'm this far away from my family." You said, lower lip quivering again. Each of the marauders' hearts broke as they saw how fragile you were in the moment, and how much it took for you to tell them this piece of yourself.
"Sounds to me like you're a little bit homesick, Y/N." James suggested from above, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder.
"It's understandable. You're in different countries - that's not a silly reason to cry, love." Remus said. "It just makes you human." he explained softly.
"And I know we might not be much compared to your parents, but we'll always be here for you at hogwarts." James offered, earning resounding nods and hums of approval from the others.
"You are a marauder, after all." Sirius winked, finally making a wide smile appear on your face as you blushed.
"Thank you." You smiled around at all of them.
"No problem, Y/N." Remus said. You gratefully leaned into his chest, sighing contently as he rubbed circles into your back in a hug. You soon felt peter hugging both you and Remus, then James hugging all three of you from behind, all the while you still holding Sirius' hand in your own, upon which he planted a kiss.
The song on the record player switched to something more upbeat as you all pulled away - a song you all knew. This immediately put you in lighter spirits, a smile on your face. Sirius hopped up onto his feet and grinned. "How about we do something to cheer you up, paws?"
"Midnight." Remus muttered into your ear as his arm stayed around your shoulders, making you giggle.
"A secret adventure - you up for it?" James asked you, coming to stand by Sirius.
"Sure. Why not?" You smiled, as the two boys grinned down at you.
You and Remus stood up, him going with James to get extra sweaters for the cold weather outside. Pete followed, saying he'd grab snacks for the adventure.
Sirius smiled down at you genuinely, grey eyes sparkling. He wiped a stray tear from your cheek. "You feeling a little better now?" He asked.
You hummed yes. "I'm sorry, I know there are worse things to be upset about. I'm really embarrassed - I didn't want to ruin you guy's mood-" you rambled, before he cut you off.
"You could never. I'm actually quite glad you came in when you did - this is the first thing we've really found out about your life. You're very mysterious, you know." he smirked as you fiddled with your rings on your fingers. "Makes everyone want to find out your secrets." he flirted.
"Well then, I suppose I've got to preserve my air of mystery." You grinned up at him.
"Ugh…" he groaned as you giggled, him slinging an arm around your shoulder. You both walked away from the sofa and the fire, towards the portrait hole as the rest of your friends arrived with provisions. James handed you one of his large jumpers, which you slid on your head. You laughed at how big it was on you, but the rest of the boys found you completely adorable, with your figure swamped in a large jumper, your cheeks pink and eyes slightly reddened from the crying. They all hoped to never see you crying like that again.
"Let's go and make a memory for you to write back to your parents about." Remus said, nudging you as you smushed one of his beanies on your head.
"Make sure you gush about us, Paws." James added. "Don't want a bad first impression on your folks." he grinned, making you laugh.
"'Course, Prongs." You smiled. You all left the common room, your heart full once again. You loved your parents, of course, and missed them to the moon and back. But perhaps these boys could help distract you from that, as you knew you were growing to love them just as much.
Dear Papa and Mama,
I miss you so much. Hogwarts is a dream that I never thought could come true. Being a Gryffindor is the best part - I've made some wonderful friends that I'm sure you'd love. My roomates, Lily, Mary and Marlene are so lovely - they've made me really welcome. Then, theres my other gryffindor friends - They're troublemakers (one of them, James, the head boy hopeful, has just told me to cross that part out) but they're the sweetest and coolest guys in the whole castle (now he's happy with their description). They call themselves the Marauders...
a/n: one of my first public posts on tumblr eeek, hope you liked it :) xoxo - lily
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cinefairy · 2 years
Note
Hey, so this might be a bit...irritating because you've probably answered similar to this.
Can you manifest using the void even if you are doubting it? Like lemme just be transparent (I need assurance please, i'm sorry for being a bother):
So I study A levels (equal to AP exams in US, bestie idk where you are from I'm a new follower, please don't be offended). They normally give it in two sitting, AS and A2 (A2 gives the final grade). So I gave AS in Jan of last year, I had one year to prepare but due my own laziness and lacking, I failed. I have repeats in October, even that didn't go well. I was supposed to give my A2 this Jan, then it would have all been over. But because of repeats I couldn't. Like I should have because I had a year, and for repeats I shouldn't have needed to study much, but I repeated my mistakes all of over again. My results for the repeats are coming on 13th of Jan. I am not gonna do good, I felt this way last year too. Because I DIDN'T STUDY THE WAY I SHOULD HAVE, I DIDN'T.
This also happened in middle school, my O level grades aren't great. Like all my life I never succeeded in anything, and I have made this assumption that I am like this. Like my parents, everything show me that. Clearly, pathetic self concept. And ever since finding loA (A for Assumption, not the other one teehee) i feel miserable for letting this happen, I was listening to subliminals for good grades before my results day, I didn't persist...then all this. I didn't study.
I don't have notes for A2 theres barely enough time. I am just shaking and trying to hold on to loA and God (I believe in a Creator, and I can't budge on this) and all these older assumptions about working immensely hard for results...its killing me.
I wanna really leave this country, I saw a med school in Australia and I wanna move there permanently...I don't have the means nor the grades, the application process and interviews are all tedious and so grueling.
Then I came across the VOID, now I have seen you say that its not necessary, manifesting instantly is possible without it, people have done so many things overnight and I KNOW. But still. I wanna feel the peace of being in a void, i haven't been at peace for so long.
But due to all these things I want, the reason I said it all is because I have attached every speck of my worth to it, I know I shouldn't but idk why I am like this. I am not even me. Its like such as obstacle I can't even imagine jumping over it in one go and just living. I can't.
I don't know if its possible even. Idk how to go about it. I wanna see my parents face drop with everything, like be at awe, proud and ashamed for the way they treated me, I want everyone who looked down at me to cower when they see me shine. I don't wanna put in the work, move mountains but get all the glory. Like I wanna come out the void and the board I am giving exams under to call me to school to meet with their representatives, all apologetic and tell me that they made a huge mistake with my grades, that I got A*s in all my O level grades and AS grades, because of this they will automatically give me A* in A2 final grades. That the med school I wanna go to suddenly contacted my school because I am like talked about in the academia world, like a phoenix almost lol, and they are giving me full scholarship with everything I want and country giving full citizenship from the get go. I want to wake up with all this coming out if the void, i want the body if my dreams too and be the it girl of my dreams with everyone fawning over me. I want the luxuries I never had, just all of falling in my lap, being effortlessly a genius. I had a thyroid surgery too, like I wanna wake up and doctors be like wtf its thete and its healthy are u a mutant???
Is this possible? It feels too much. Like I have doubting that after in the void, will affirming it all be enough (I can't visualise)? Will it really happen after I come out of the void? How do I know I was in there to begin with?
Should I do it this way? Like with everyone being like wtf how is all this happening to you like a miracle, or revise it in a way I am already in Australia with everything, I never had the issue of repeats and admissions, I never struggled, because my pain in all I can think about and I want people beg me for my forgiveness for the way they treated me... 17 years of pain...
It means a lot to me...I'm sorry this got long, I just need a miracle, a huge one. Please help me. Its 12:08AM here, 2nd Jan 2022, a new year, yet I am dragging my misery.
yeah you can get through the void without entirely believing it/doubting it and plus subliminals dont do much unless you give them the power
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nazukisser · 2 years
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❱ http:˚♡nazuqi! ˚ˑؘ 💌 ·˚
introducing... nazuna & qian
✎ 🍪 . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ 01. basics~!
who? nito nazuna, qian
what? childhood friends ➝ lovers
status? established
dynamic? parents (to ra*bits), idol & producer
✎ 🍪 . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ 02. dynamics~!
Nazuna and I basically raise Ra*bits, and we're very proud to be doing so (❁´◡`❁) As their producer, I always am taking care of them, though my expertise mostly lies with planning events and managing the finances and marketing. We are usually on the same page, as we both have Ra*bits best interest in mind (though we usually ignore ourselves in our own decisions). It's not often that I include him too but forget about myself and vice versa. He's the priority of mine, not me. (But I'm his priority, so it balances out, I suppose. (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ))
I'm not so confident in cooking and so is Nazuna, but we really do try our best to make meals for/with the rest of Ra*bits. It's family bonding time (*^-^*)The kitchen is just a little noisy because of us, and we're always discussing what's next, if we did this right, etc. etc. Nazuna is a little better at cooking than I am, even though my father has had me help out with the cooking for many years now... We usually make them bento boxes and of course, with our artistic talents (/hj) we always make them look as cute as we can. And we always pack them little encouraging notes. I have a stockpile of stationaries, pens, post-its, etc; this is the perfect use for them!
Nazuna and I are always taking care of each other. I'm always there when he wakes up from a nightmare (he sadly still gets them... I always keep a glass of water by the bedside table for him though) and since I'm a light sleeper, I wake up when he jolts up, but that means I'd be awake to be there for him. He says that I should just go back to sleep, but I could never leave him like that. He likes it when I snuggle up to him and I like his warmth a lot... he's very soft and warm teehee.
We're pretty busy people, so we don't actually see each other as much as we'd like to, even if we're both in Ra*bits and RhyLink. We usually keep our phones beside us and text each other periodically, usually during our breaks, to check up on each other. If we do get to see each other, we love hugging each other from behind and giving a kiss on the cheek as a little surprise. Though, if we're together for work reasons, we do try to keep it professional.
✎ 🍪 . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ 03. history~!
As said earlier, we're childhood friends. We grew up in the same neighborhood, and we were together through thick and thin. We were pretty much inseparable, and we always confided with each other. Sick of our town, sick of our parents, sick of the way they wanted us to act... we let it all out to each other. Free therapy, maybe. We could always be true to ourselves with each other, and that when it was easiest to go batshit crazy. We hung out beside the river and kicked rocks and let out our frustrations often. At least it wasn't every day like that, and we would often have lighthearted conversations if the day lent itself to that.
We also took singing lessons together, under different teachers but around the same time. He finished half an hour before me, and he'd wait for me outside the class until it ended. We'd often talk about what we'd practiced that day and what songs we decided we were going to sing at the recital, and sometimes we'd stop by the toy store a couple of stores away. We'd sometimes bring in our allowance to buy little toys and trinkets that we'd sneak home inside the bags that held our binders for class.
As for games, we'd often play games together, even though he often liked FPS (first person shooter) games while I liked gacha/collector/rng type games. He'd play them with me, and I'd help out with his by keeping track of enemies and his HP bar ( •̀ ω •́ )✧
His chuunibyou phase in middle school... I refused to talk to him during those times. I wanted to be the "model student" and "creativity was to be put onto paper". But in reality, we'd hang out after school and I'd kind of join him in his chuunibyou. I ended up really liking magical girl anime at that time and gave my character a massively tragic backstory... yeah...
When he moved to Yumenosaki, I wished the best for him and hoped we would keep in touch, but we got really quite busy and I had moved outside the country, so we weren't able to contact each other as much, especially with the opposite timezones. I saw him on TV, I saw him on YT, and while I was so proud of him, it was worrying to see him so marionette-like. This wasn't what he told me when he was going there, and I was only really able to reach him after he left. We talked again, and as Ra*bits came into his life, I could finally feel the human in him again, but as he didn't pick up my calls or answered my texts later as he spent more time with them, I felt like I was getting neglected. How dare! /lh So, when the job opportunity for a producer came, I grabbed it by the neck and took it. I used to feel a little jealous of Ra*bits for "taking away" Nazuna, but they're part of my everything now and no one will be hurting them <3
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galaxxiwrites · 3 years
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I DON'T know what happened a while ago, honestly. Tumblr went from oops your draft was deleted to TEEHEE let's post your incomplete post and I'm??
edit: I hate the tumblr app.
Anyway, round 2! Again: Spoilers for the entire game, up until 5.4!
Dating (ft. Thancred, Hien & Ardbert)
Thancred Waters
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I hope you're ready to give this man a shower considering how greasy he is 💀
A relationship with Thancred isn't exactly smooth-sailing. This is because of two things: one, is that he's never really committed himself to any one person in an intimate sense. Two, is because of his crippling self-deprecation that forces him to keep working past his body's limits.
So while he continues to play at being flirtatious and suave, he can't internally deny that when you two are sharing a more private moment, his heart beats at a pace he isn't used to. If you ever pick up on his nervousness, he'll try to play it off cooly.
"Me? Nervous? Surely you jest, I've been to dates like these way more times than I'd like to remember- and probably more that I don't."
Thancred says as he can barely hold his utensil properly with his shaking hand.
Additionally, I hope you're prepared to become Thancred's constant reminder to care for himself. He literally will not stop overworking himself unless you've forcefully stopped him.
He thinks that he should keep working, to make up all that he's lacked in the past. So please PLEASE remind him that he's done more than enough, and that you'll be there beside him to fill up whatever gaps he's missing. Become his pillar of support, because after all that he's lost, he is in dire need of one even if he himself refuses to admit so.
While he was raising Ryne, then called Minfilia of the First, he would unknowingly talk about you for hours on end. It got to the point where even without meeting you, Ryne thought of you as one of her surrogate parents.
When the young lady finally met you, she couldn't help but feel so overjoyed. Nay, no words could describe just how ecstatic she felt to finally meet you- so much so that she accidentally blurted out mom/dad.
Thancred had no explanation for that, at all. In fact, he didn't even deny anything—maybe hinting that he doesn't mind finally taking things more seriously.
Hien Rijin
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Do you like himbos? You do? Well, you're in luck, because Hien is 200% made of himbo and 500% made of respect women juice.
Being around Hien feels like being under the sunlight surrounded by sunflowers, his smile just radiates so much happiness that it's contagious.
And he's grateful for the fact, as he would never ever let you be sad. He thinks you look the best smiling, so he'll always try and keep it like that.
Hien, being the leader of Doma, will naturally have most of his time dedicated to the rebuilding the country. This also includes a lot of diplomatic work, which can be incredibly taxing at times. So whenever you're around, all he needs is a small comfort cuddle and he's fully charged again!
If you're having an extremely bad day, Hien won't shy away from taking a day off from his duties. After all, you were as important to him as Doma was. He'd stick beside you for the whole day, taking you to Doma's many scenic views.
"I remember a time when cherry blossoms filled the lands of Doma. I hope that one day, I'll be able to show you the view I saw on those days."
Isn't exactly the type to get jealous, because he fully trusts in you and your relationship. If, however, someone is being way too persistent, he won't hesitate to show off his katana to whoever is persuing you
"Dearest, there you are! I recently sharpened my blade, would you like to have a look?"
Though he addresses you, Hien side eyes whoever is forcing themself on you. A hand rests on its hilt, ready to bring the blade out, thus scaring off the poor soul. The two of you laugh it off right after.
Ardbert
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You were an adventurer that started alongside Ardbert, and many of your earliest missions were spent together. Because of this, it was no wonder that you two started dating.
Even when he became a famed hero of the First, Ardbert would always return to your side. It was so heartwarming to know that Ardbert was still the same man you fell in love with even after all this fame.
He likes to take you out on evening dates. The both of you ride on Seto as he takes you across the star-filled sky. A lot of times you both just end up stargazing atop the highest mountain within the area. The stars, no matter how many times you saw them, always managed to take your breath away.
"Yeah, it's really breathtaking."
He says, although you don't know he was talking about you as you were too busy looking up.
Fuck I'm such a sucker for this trope ekfkdkfkd
He's thankful you really aren't one of Hydaelyn's chosen, but he's constantly worried about you nonetheless because he knows you're most definitely out there facing a strong enemy with your own party.
Always defends you whenever someone calls you as merely "his lover." While yes, he is proud that everyone knows you're his, he knows of your own strengths and wants the entire world to know about too, hence why he lets you adventure off even though he's constantly worried about you.
When he was brought back by the crystal as a spectre, the first person he searched for was you. Much to his dismay however, all that awaited him was a tombstone, sullied with clutter as the people's wrath for him unfortunately extended to you as well.
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bookishlyjules · 3 years
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AS IF ON CUE by Marisa Kanter - Blog Tour + GIVEAWAY!
I am SO EXCITED to be working Simon Teen and Marisa Kanter again to showcase her second book AS IF ON CUE!
About the Book:
A pair of fierce foes are forced to work together to save the arts at their school in this swoony YA enemies-to-lovers romance that fans of Jenny Han and Morgan Matson are sure to adore. Lifelong rivals Natalie and Reid have never been on the same team. So when their school’s art budget faces cutbacks, of course Natalie finds herself up against her nemesis once more. She’s fighting to direct the school’s first ever student-written play, but for her small production to get funding, the school’s award-winning band will have to lose it. Reid’s band. And he’s got no intention of letting the show go on. But when their rivalry turns into an all-out prank war that goes too far, Natalie and Reid have to face the music, resulting in the worst compromise: writing and directing a musical. Together. At least if they deliver a sold-out show, the school board will reconsider next year’s band and theater budget. Everyone could win. Except Natalie and Reid. Because after spending their entire lives in competition, they have absolutely no idea how to be co-anything. And they certainly don’t know how to deal with the feelings that are inexplicably, weirdly, definitely developing between them…
About the Author:
Marisa Kanter is a young adult author, amateur baker, and reality television enthusiast. She is the author of What I Like About You and As If On Cue. Born and raised in the suburbs of Boston, her obsession with books led her to New York City, where she worked in the publishing industry to help books find their perfect readers. She currently lives in Los Angeles, writing love stories by day and searching for the perfect slice of pizza by night. Follow her at MarisaKanter.com.
Review:
I absolutely LOVED this book! I was a huge fan of What I Like About You (read my review here) but As If On Cue BLEW ME AWAY. I felt so gripped by the inner turmoil of the main character Natalie and how she believed she was doing everything right, despite the setbacks she seemed to face. While a school year is not a new place to set a YA novel, this story really showed how teens can take charge of their own futures and hold themselves (and bureaucracy) accountable and was extremely relatable to my own high school experience. As I’m sure I’ve written before, I went to an arts based high school where every student had an art major which drove the culture of the school. My school’s “band kids” were the musical theatre students and all of our school’s funding went to them, despite every art having so-called validation, and it was incredibly disheartening to see them achieve everything and all opportunities presented while us “lesser” art students got the bare minimum. I felt proud reading As if On Cue because these students had the guts people in my year never did, though I wish I could have produced something half as cool as “Boiled” (teehee if you’ve read the book).
As for Marisa’s writing, I loved What I Like About You, because it was the first time I had ever seen myself represented in a book, not just as a Jew but as a young girl finding myself within a large book community. I was worried I would never find that feeling again... and then I read As If On Cue. I was blown away by the difference in representation and how I connected so deeply with both of the Jewish families represented. Their holidays and celebrations felt authentic and their experiences of micro aggressions real, and is another reason why I wish I had the strength of these characters when I was their age. I also felt and understood the ‘jewish guilt’ that was very powerful to me. Every jew experiences the idea of letting down their parents in some way, or not connecting how they wish they could or be understood. This is a universal experience but hits so close to home for myself and so many others, and to see this relationship so carefully realized in this book brought a lot out of me that I didn’t realize I had bottled in. Regardless of religion or culture, these universal experiences showcased in As If On Cue are written in such a relatable way, which is why I believe Marisa Kanter’s writing is just getting better and better.
Giveaway:
Simon & Schuster is YET AGAIN generously providing a hardcover copy of AS IF ON CUE for 1 lucky winner! Must have a valid U.S. address to enter:
ENTER HERE
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britkunoichi92 · 3 years
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Daft Punk: Yet Another Personal Discussion.
Hey guys, me again. Just wanted to vent some thoughts. I'll try not to ramble on too much, but I needed to vent for a bit.
Thinking about Thomas and Guy-Man, and Pedro's amazingly awesome friendship in the early days and beyond (teehee) really resonates with me. And it makes me reflect on myself too as a person. It's weird.
I was born on the 10th July 1992. I was 5 monthes premature and weighed 1lb 6oz, give or take. Looking at me, you'd have no clue unless you see the baby pictures. Even I can hardly believe it. Just thought I'd mention this in regards to my main point.
Thomas, Guy-Man and the boys all kick started their amazingly awesome careers around 1993-5. (Please correct me if I'm wrong.)
But I just find it incredibly remarkable that me, a ugly, pathetic excuse for a woman and a human being was brought into the world, they were flourishing and thriving. And I'm incredibly proud to be a part of that era, in a sense.
Now, my parent's relationship wasn't exactly ideal. My mum was always naive and hippie like in the flipping 80s. She met my dad in one of her local hangouts, and was smitten by his intellect.
Now, my biological father, as I refer to him, was born in Poland with a shitty dad. (My paternal bio grandad) he came to England at some point. But he was always a narcissist. He met my mum and immediately dumped his current girlfriend to hook up with my mum. He was always an abusive arsehole, and I thank God he was never around me. Heck, he supposedly took one look at me in an incubator, said: "She won't live" and left to go to the pub, no doubt spreading rumours that I wasn't his kid. Stand up guy, he really is.
Oh, and also he "attempted" suicide once, where he scratched his wrists and ran off to whine to one of his alcoholic wino mates.
He actually told me to my face relatively recently that at the time, "he didn't want to be a dad." Also he was almost certainly flirting with other woman while with my mum.
But yeah, frick him. He never wanted me, and I certainly don't need him.
My mum wasn't exactly a stellar example at parenting either. Sure, she's a good, kind person. But she's always been absent minded, for lack of a better term. She has a really bad habit of forgetting the most basic things, always leaving her keys and phone down and instantly forgetting where she puts them. And she always has a habit of brushing me and other people off and go on long rambling tangents about her crap.
Plus, she was an alcoholic for most of my life, as well as before. I remember she would never talk to me or ask me how I was feeling.
Mostly she'd be asleep on the couch passed out, or yell at me for stupid things she gets twisted in her head. Even today.
I was always a shy, introverted kid growing up. I was anxious. I liked to read and always had an insatiable appetite for learning and reading. I suppose I get that from bio dad. The good stuff, anyway.
I suppose I'm still like that now. Sure, I've grown a lot. I'm a lot more confident. But I still have issuses.
Plus, I ALWAYS LOVED me some martial arts!! (Just in case you couldn't tell.) Ever since Tekken 1, 2 and 3!! 6 years on at my school, and I'm a purple belt!!
OK, I seem to have drifted from my point, but I'm getting to that.
So I was a shy, closed off isolated kid with hardly any friends and I couldn't talk to anyone.
But one day, I was sitting at home, super bored. When you're bored stiff. So bored you can't be bothered to do anything.
But I decided to watch the TV to distracted myself. Mum had drunk too much again and was sleeping it off.
But the Discovery ad came on. And it blew my little eight year old brain.
And for a sad, shy, lonely, overly imaginative little girl, it had a big impact.
To this day I always refer to that as a pivotal moment. I KNEW.
I knew that I owed whomever made this masterpeice, would get my undying loyalty and admiration for as long as I lived.
So, I became even more eager to become a better person. At the time, I didn't know for sure, but I would have wanted to study martial arts then.
My mum always says: "You never told me you wanted to do martial arts!" Uh, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T ASK.
But anyway, I owe those two dorky French dudes and their friends a hell of a lot. And as an overly imaginative weirdo womanchild, I owe them to keep improving to protect them from the bad things!!
I would fight whatever horde of zombies or ninjas to protect them! Because they gave that little girl something.
A purpose.
A dream.
Maybe even a couple of extra father figures.
A psychologist would have a field day with me.
But that's my rant! Hope you enjoyed!
As long as Thomas and Guy-Man are okay, I'll be in their and their families corners every step of the way!
If they ever need a bodyguard with a hilarious accent, they know where I am!!
Britkunoichi92
😊
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deijnar · 4 years
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Mystic Messenger Fluff Week 2020 - Day 1: Firsts
Hello guys! I’m finally back with something I wrote *disbelieving gasps in the bg* I’m here to participate in @mmfluffweek with my entire heart and soul but be warned - this is mostly my OCs and was in the first place written for my most wonderful Baehee @genobeva-k and myself. It’s not a masterpiece but it made me so incredibly happy, finally writing again felt like coming home. Maybe you’ll think it’s boring, maybe it will make you smile; no matter what, I just hope someone gets interested in this project and takes this week to make themself happy with some good, soft fluff as well! And now, if you’re going to read - ENJOY!
|| next day >
Teehee Day 1: Meeting the family
For a moment Theodosia is sure that she is the more nervous one of the two of them; her heart is beating in excited anticipation and it’s hard to stay somewhat still when she feels so jittery. But one glance at the woman by her side proves her wrong. Jaehee’s lips are pursed together, her eyes glued to the door in front of them while she clings to the plate in her hands. Never before has she seen her so tense and it’s… weirdly cute how much she cares about this first impression.
“Hey…”  With a fond, reassuring smile on her lips, Theo nudges Jaehee’s shoulder with her own. “They will love you almost as much as I do.” She grins, leaning over and pecking her cheek in an energetic, yet soft kind of way. “So no worries, okay?”
After taking a deep breath, Jaehee tries her best at smiling back at her. “Okay.”
“Ready?” Theo asks as she wraps her arm around her girlfriend, waiting to reach out to open the door until she gets a brave nod as a response. “Hi guys, we’re he-” But before she can even finish her shouted greeting, there’s already a head popping out of the kitchen door. The mischievous smirk on the face that is staring at them causes Theo’s protective instinct to kick in immediately.
“Hi there~” The teasing tone of her older sister’s voice prompts Theo to squint her eyes at her. 
“Jaehee, this is my older sister Alex who will behave today.” There’s not much effort to hide the warning in that statement.
Alexandra only shrugs with a vague, not at all reassuring expression on her face. “Nah, we’ll see about that. But welcome, Jaehee! We’ve heard a lot about you ever since you took our little Teddy here to that spa date.” As she takes the plate from Jaehee, she winks at her, leaving her younger sister at a flustered loss of words as she remembers the day that changed so much for her.
“Hello Alex, it’s very nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you and your family as well and I’m happy Theo liked our spa day so much.” Undecided if she feels more relieved or embarrassed by the hint of amusement in Jaehee’s voice, Theo hides her face in her girlfriend’s shoulder with a groan.
Chuckling, Alexandra inspects the plate in her hand and her grin widens even more. “Nice one, Jaehee. MOM!” She turns around, plate still in hand, and begins to walk away. “Jaehee made some super delicious looking cupcakes!”
Now chuckling herself, Jaehee turns her head to Theodosia. “She’s exactly like you told me.”
With a sigh, Theo straightens up. “Unfortunately she is.” But as Jaehee’s chuckle grows stronger and she relaxes in Theo’s arm, unable to keep up the annoyed act, and instead, a happy, loving smile appears on her face.
Then, her mother barges in.
“Jaehee! Oh my, you’re still standing in the doorway, my girls didn’t invite you in. Come in, come in, welcome to our home!” She beams at the new member of their family and hugs her before anyone can intervene. A bit stunned, Jaehee stays quiet for a second and just blinks.
“Mom, please, calm down. We’ll come and join you guys in just a minute, okay?” Making Jaehee nervous again after she just calmed down a little is the last thing Theo wants to happen right now…
Her mother’s eyes widen and she nods. “Yes, yes, of course. We’ll be waiting outside, your father is already preparing the barbecue!” Before she turns back around, she smiles at Jaehee again and squeezes her arm.
“Thank you, Karen, we’ll make sure to be quick.” 
After another friendly nod, her mother leaves the hallway and Jaehee looks at Theodosia again, taking another deep breath. With a sympathetic smile, Theo rubs her back. “They’re very… enthusiastic and excited about finally meeting the one who stole my heart. You’re holding up great, babe, I swear my dad and younger sister will be less stressful to meet.”
 To her surprise, Jaehee begins to smile genuinely. “They’re your family. I can’t wait to spend the evening with them and get to know the people who made you who you are.”
The speed of Theo’s heartbeat picks up at her words and she feels her cheeks heat up. “Come on.” She holds her hand out for Jaehee to take and then they make their way out to where the others are waiting. 
A delicious smell is already filling the air when they step outside into the garden and Theo looks around, finding her little sister laughing at something their dad just said. Their eyes meet and she waves them over with a happy smile. “Hey, Theo!” After engulfing Theodosia in a tight hug, she turns to Jaehee, beaming at her, and offers her hand for Jaehee to shake. “Hello, it’s great to finally meet you!”
Their father smiles as well and nods. “I hope you like our very own fused version of American and Korean barbecue!” He grins and motions for her to sit down with them. 
“That sounds interesting, I can’t wait to try it.” Jaehee seems more relaxed than she has since they drove away from her apartment as she takes a seat on the opposite side of the table with a friendly smile. It causes a small proud grin to sneak onto Theo’s lips; she knew that the gentle kindness of those two would do the trick. 
But then, Alex joins them at the table and… is herself again. “Interesting? Is that your way of politely saying it sounds awful?”
Of course, everyone knows she’s just teasing as she snickers mischievously but given how tense Jaehee has been the entire time, Theo would appreciate it if she would be a bit more sensitive. To her surprise, Peggy speaks up before Theo can say anything.
“No, I’m sure it’s her way of saying that she’s never had something like our weird cooking and is looking forward to trying it for the first time. Right?” With a hopeful gleam in her eyes, Peggy smiles at Jaehee. Apparently everyone is trying to make a good first impression except Alexandra. It would be funny if it wasn’t so unnerving.
Finally, Alex shows some mercy and laughs, seating herself beside Peggy. “I know Piggy, I just want to give Teddy a hard time.” She sticks her tongue out at Theo who grimaces at her as well but when she hears the sweet sound of Jaehee’s chuckles reaching her ears, her heart beats faster and a fond smile automatically appears on her face. 
“I don’t think Theo deserves to be treated like that.” Still laughing, Jaehee places her hand on Theodosia’s, leaving her baffled. Never would she have expected that her girlfriend loosens up so quickly, given how nervous she has been. Now, her heart is swelling with how naturally Jaehee is acting around her family, leaving her feeling ridiculous for ever worrying about Jaehee feeling uncomfortable.
Alexandra smirks, “Maybe not, but it’s fun.” 
“If it causes Jaehee to defend me, feel free to go on.” The sisters grimace at each other again and start to grin but before they can continue their banter, their mother chimes in.
“Girls, you still haven’t offered our guest anything to drink. Go inside and get the water and juice, would you?” She leans down to Jaehee with a sympathetic smile and a little wink. “Maybe you’ll get a moment to breathe.”
While Theo ponders if it is okay to leave Jaehee alone at the table, Peggy is already jumping to her feet. “Alex and I will!” Before she can complain, Peggy grabs her oldest sister and drags her inside.
Karen follows them with her eyes, shaking her head with an affectionate smile on her lips. Meanwhile, her husband places a hand on Jaehee’s shoulder and squeezes it lightly. “It’s really nice to have you here, Jaehee.”
“Thank you, David, I’m happy to be here as well.” With a happy smile, she turns to Theodosia. “Your family is truly lovely.”
By now, her cheeks are hurting from how widely she is smiling but Theo sees no reason to complain at all. Feeling blessed by who she is able to call her loved ones, she leans forward and softly kisses Jaehee’s temple. “And now you’re a part of it.”
Her parents exchange a knowing look while Theo and Jaehee just silently smile at each other adoringly, holding each others’ hands.
Again, the moment gets destroyed by a certain blonde. “Okay guys, hurry up and eat! I can’t wait to try these amazing cupcakes my future best friend brought along!”
Once more, their parents exchange a knowing, amused look while Peggy shakes her head and Theo smirks proudly. “They’re the best you’ll ever have.”
Just like Jaehee is the best I’ll ever have.
╰⊱♥⊱╮●╭⊱♥≺
|| next day >
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peachpeachtea · 4 years
Text
Region base leaders/apprentices
I briefly mentioned the leaders and their kiddos on the last post so we’re gonna get into them now here we goooo (excuse the old art on my part i dont have time to make new refs--also all artists/contributors will be tagged accordingly) 
Lark Base--Base Leader, Cadi--Apprentice, Marna  Cadi: She’s the youngest of the 6 base leaders stationed in Asnia (At 20), and the most temperamental. She values hard work and independence, and despises it when people try to coddle or underestimate her abilities. While she runs a tight ship, she tends to be brash, LOUD, and impatient overall,--she’s self assured and very much carries her pride for everyone to see. Her partner is a Dubwool, Clementine, and in her spare time, Cadi has a herd of Wooloo that she takes care off and is v e ry protective over--she often spends nights taking care of them and making sure no trespassers startle the sheepies (and if she catches anyone they get whacked with her staff at BEST--her neighbors aren’t unaccustomed to hearing loud, Galarian swearing in the middle of the night). On that note: she has a really bad sailor mouth. 
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Marna: Similar to how Cadi is the youngest of the leaders, Marna is the youngest of the current apprentices in the region. She has a curious nature, and is a bit of an energetic busy bee, who rarely has time or patience to sit down/relax--she’s constantly working on something or another, whether it’s helping Cadi do paperwork (see: doing it for her because Cadi is incapable of filing decent paperwork and Marna cannot stand disorganization), or working in her normal duties. Her work ethic is, in a word, unreal, and that’s one of the reasons why Cadi values her so much as an apprentice and friend. Marna tends to be a bit picky and stuffy, but she thrives in her work and loves helping people. She’s the one to ask the most questions/the one to have the most answers. She’s also loves birds!! Swablu, Cirrus, is a testament to that. She loves him and he can usually be seen perched on her head sleeping. 
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-------- Cypress Base--Base Leader, Hades--Apprentice, Lethe  Hades: The leader of the north mountain base, Hades is a confident transman who leads with a rather cool head. In his past he was a very feared individual known as "Hel, ruler of hell" due to his grip on the gang life of the region. He's done things he's not proud of and would likely never talk about. A skilled climber and dedicated to his job and training of his partner Drednaw Cerberus-- he's just a supportive dad figure. Has known Russell for many years, and as mentioned, is a sort of father figure to Lethe. 
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(Hades and his art belongs to @edwardsbraid btw!)  Lethe: The least energetic of the apprentices, Lethe is a troubled but soft hearted boy who didn’t intend to become a Ranger at all--he was living by himself with no income for years, on account of having no parents to speak of (abandonment issues ahoy)--his recommendation to the academy was a complete accident, but the school had free boarding and it gave him a purpose, so he took the opportunity while he had it. While he loves what he does, and has made two good friends out of this, he’s struggling to come to terms with his issues and struggles to keep up with his peers.  He tends to be a trouble magnet, so the plot hammer will not be kind to him umu. He’s a bit indecisive, timid and an easy crier, but he genuinely loves pokemon/people and wants to be of use to everyone somehow. He’s not much of a logistical thinker but he’s definitely not a push over physically, which comes in handy--he has no partner pokemon for plot reasons that i will reveal later. 
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---------- Red Oak Base (Base is still in development so this portion is likely to be updated in the future)--Base Leader, Bridget--Apprentice, Alex
Bridget: Bridget- A senior base leader with a strong sense of morality and an attitude to back it, she has no trouble rearing in even the most stubborn of rangers. Only the most confident and worthy are able to perform an apprenticeship under her and are expected to take over all Union duties alongside the Base Leader role. In times of peace and outside of work, she enjoys quiet days in her cottage with her trusted Luxray (Queenie) and looking after her Granddaughter Fraise. Her base is integral to communications between the south and north sides of Asnia Rangers, because geographically it’s in the exact center of the region (and her area has the best weather of the two sides). This is typically where all the leaders and apprentices meet up for important meetings and such. 
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  Alex: Bridget’s apprentice and a stubborn lad--he and Bridget are often bickering with each other. He’s a dumb little hothead who likes to challenge people and bicker with his mentor. He and her fight like siblings and poke fun at each other’s age (he calls her Granny). Will do things just because someone says he can’t (IE try to lift a log twice his size just because someone said he couldn’t), eagerly and affectionately combative. Possibly has a crush on one of the other apprentices but umu thats a topic for later. 
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(Both Alex and Bridget belong to @humanblt​!)
--------- Willow Base--Leader, Russell, Apprentice-- Hestia  Russell:  A former violent tempered and loud mouthed delinquent, used to be Hades literal partner in crime and has been his close friend for many years--eventually, after some personal events that i’ll get into later, Russell got tired of his crime sprees. He has since turned over a new leaf and is a quiet, amicable young man who wouldn't hurt a fly--he’s determined to get as far away from his past as possible, to the point where he dropped his real name and decided to go by Russell. He refuses to hurt people if the need isn't dire, and has been labeled as a weenie for his pacifistic behavior/even temper. While soft hearted, he can be stern, and isn’t afraid to be tough when needed. Dearly loves his town and his new life as a peacekeeper. Terrified of ghosts/creepy places (ironic because he works in the spooky part of Asnia--the local ghost types like to pick on him). Usually seen helping old ladies across the street and chopping fire wood--very sensitive about his age and scarred face, and cries when someone points out a gray hair. Has a Corviknight, Cobalt, who is usually perched at the top of the base. In charge of keeping people out of the deeper part of the woods behind his town. Has a long term crush on Carys and clams up when she's around.
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(art done as a collaborative by me and  roseheart-exe)  Hestia: Hestia is a cryptic but very sweet and dedicated girl from regions unknown. She often gives off the vibes that she knows more than she lets on, and often speak in riddles or vague non sequiturs. Locals tend to be unnerved by her general disposition, comparing her to a “ghost, at best”. She hates fire, is creeped out by dolls of any sort, and is easy to startle, despite her best efforts to appear calm and collected. Hestia tries to be kind and amiable, and loves her few friends very deeply, but she’s incredibly stubborn and refuses help when she needs it. Her upbringing made her a firm believer in self reliance. She dislikes people who pry or ask too many questions, and worries over others constantly. She looks up to Russell as a mentor and is especially close to him. Her Pokemon is a Lampent, Chandelle (Chandy). She’s never seen without her hat or her lantern, which glows very dimly--she’s very possessive of them and avoids questions regarding either. Incredibly difficult to make her cry: some people are convinced she can’t. Very sensitive, feelings hurt easily--May or may not be pining after one of her base colleagues, who we will get to in another post. Tends to go “Teehee” when dodging questions or lying. Cadi’s current greatest enemy, because Hestia wanders at night and has accidentally startled her sheep on multiple occasions. 
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------- Seabream Base--Leader, Ripley--Apprentice, Melanie  Ripley: Ripley: A beachside base leader!! Very beautiful, but also very terrifying to many. She broke a man’s arm once, and while the context has been lost to time, the reputation she got from it remains strong. Isn’t afraid to flex her reputation when it suits her. Has a mermaid-esque beauty that has earned her a fan club. Her base members are her family, and she is a fierce mama bear when it comes to protecting them. Has a Sharpedo, Shin. Became close with Hestia after a few plot related happenings. 
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(Ripley and her art belong to @nimikyu​!)  Melanie: A bright and upbeat former lounge singer working under Ripley, loves nothing more than making people smile and smiling in return. Incredibly patient and impossible to piss off, and loves writing letters to her friend in Pinnate base and sending her little gifts. Tends to be a bit oblivious when not working, often described as having her head in the clouds. Takes her job more seriously than she lets on, and works incredibly hard to meet her Leader’s standards--she admires Ripley more than anyone--Melanie also is incredibly popular because of her former status as a singer so she gets way more attention that she bargained form--but she’s an entertainer at heart and tourists love her, which is why she’s in charge of them/in charge of making sure they don’t wander places they shouldn’t. Has a Wingull, Rio, who sometimes delivers her letters. Makes necklaces as a hobby. 
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------- Pinnate Base--Leader, Carys--Apprentice, Rudy  Carys: Cadi’s older sister--A mild mannered, surprisingly strong young woman from Galar. Much calmer and levelheaded than her baby sister, although, sometimes she's too calm, and can come off as overly-relaxed and airheaded. An incredible swimmer, she also works part time as a life guard in her spare time. Cheerful and smiley, eager to help, spends alot of time with the local kids/local elders. (Not to say that she doesnt have a temper, because if you set her off you'll be subjected to Cadi 2.0). Tries to offer help to her sister often, only to be vehemently refused over and over. Can beat all the sailors in her town at arm wrestling, wears sunscreen on her face to encourage others to do the same. Runs a very tight ship and values teamwork and bonding. Has a Swampert, Johanna, who helps keep an eye on the weather/preform water rescues. Vocally skeptic about the supernatural, as an important side note. 
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(Fantastic art done by @bastart13​ !! check their art out its gorgeous)
Rudy (bio will be updated periodically)!: A bit of a no nonsense, kind of moody boy--He has alot of respect for Carys in particular because he tends to be blunt and she's the only one who isn’t phased by it and doesnt let it affect her opinion of him. He reminds her alot of Cadi, so she's used to it and knows how to handle the teenage angst. Has a Sandyghast, Gobi! Sometimes Gobi loses their shovel and has a little flag instead. 
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(This little man belongs to @liimonpriince​)!  And that’s the gist for all the major protags--supporting cast will come next, and then we’ll get to the bad guys :) 
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katoptrjs · 5 years
Text
Why I’m a Slytherin
I do most things for my own benefit, and I’m not afraid to admit that.
I never admit my faults though: “lol wtf i didn’t do that?/&/)1”
I’m nice to e v e r y b o d y. I’ll only be rude if you insult me. No insults = great friendship!!
I’m honest with my friends when they need it, but also comforting when I can tell they’re hurting.
I’m strangely interested in the mentally ill/disturbed?? Apparently that’s a common trait for Slytherins
I work smart, not just hard
I’m self-centered but I won’t admit it lol
I plan bomb-ass surprise parties
I freak out when something doesn’t go my way, because I’ve worked so hard (most of the time)
I remember things about my friends. Small things.
I have many passions and ambitions, and overwhelm myself with plans for the future sometimes
I fight for the people I love, and let go of the toxic people in my life. Even if it takes a while
Random creative stories, life plans and bucketlists come up in my mind at, like, 3 am
I unintentionally flirt with others... or intentionally, because I’m strange like that
I have so many inside jokes with my friends
I have creative-ass insults
r e v e n g e
I’m a great leader, but I often feel like I have too much responsibility on my shoulders
I break the rules, but only the stupid-ass ones. With caution, too
“what the fuck even is sleep”
I tend to push the limits to see how much I can get away with
Some of my closest friends don’t even know the shit I’ve done
I glance at people who are crying, and then walk away usually
I sit down, and just decide to be in a bad mood
I insult people (anybody, doesn’t matter) unintentionally, or even intentionally, if I’m mad
I stand up for MYSELF.
I’m living on this Earth for me, me and only me. If me and my friend are both dying, you already know I’m picking myself to save and leaving my friend there lol bye (i’d regret it though)
I believe I’m not good enough, but don’t tell anyone
The last pizza slice/cookie is mine. MINE BITCH
I fear rejection a fuck ton. I often feel like I’m not good enough, or that somebody would pick another over me, just ‘because’
I usually do things because people say I can’t, or because I know I’ll excel at it
I have more house pride than I do pride for anything else
I will 100% be salty to anybody if I’m not in the mood— even my friends
I won’t forgive you until you dealt with same pain I did
Respect is earned, not given away
I’ll break all your bones if you fuck with me or my friends
I’ll be nice, but just get to know me and I’ll annoy you soon enough lmao
“fuck, i didn’t study, can i copy your test answers later?”
^^ or, “i studied, but i forgot everything???”
I SWEAR SO FUCKING MUCH AND EVERYONE HATES IT SHITSHITSHIT
I couldn’t give less of a cowshit about the people who dislike me; that’s their fault
^^ but at the same time, I’m scared of people rejecting me, especially if I’ve warmed up to them, or if they didn’t even give me a chance
I talk out loud to myself sometimes
I’m stubborn (or persistent, if you will), and I usually don’t care who I’m affecting to get what I want
I love writing and playing the piano
Music is fucking therapy bro
My friends’ happiness is mine, but their success is my jealousy
^^ but I can also be your biggest cheerleader when you’re pursuing your dream
I act underhandedly. teehee
Not only do I want to be on top, I want to prevent others from getting there, too
When someone asks me what I want to be when I grow up, my answer is the same as it was when I was 5
I hate when people say “you don’t understand” to me
Saying “fuck this” after not understanding something, but never crying over it
Having abusive parents, but dealing with it. Never crying.
Making friends with somebody because they seem “like me”
Laughing slightly at other people’s problems when they rant to me. Only when it’s honestly stupid, though
I shower at fucking 10pm!!
I roll my eyes more than I breathe
I fight hard in arguments, and even harder when I know I’m wrong. Yes, wrong.
I either work all night on something, or don’t start it at all
I stand up for my friends when someone is doing them wrong
I’m a good listener when it comes to people’s problems, not ideas
I only keep my own secrets
I share people’s secrets to know others’
I hear more peoples’ secrets without revealing any of mine
Being angry for 2037281 fucking years after not getting what I want
“Do you swear? Because I do. Are you comfortable with that?”
LYING M A S T E R.
I come up with excuses, not apologies
I’ll shoot excuses at you until you believe I’m not guilty (when I really am)
I’m genuinely proud of my accomplishments
I hate being alone. I hate it. So fucking much. I need my beautiful friends in my life.
Ignorant people annoy me. They ask a dumb question, when the answer is obvious.
I can forgive, but I don’t forget. Ever. Who’s to say somebody won’t do the same mistake again?
Being envied high-key makes me happy, shit
I put so much work and effort into something I know people will be reacting to, so I can earn their praise
I can tell if somebody is lying right away
I’m a slut for (envious) compliments, and will push myself to get them
I talk about my problems, and then stop halfway through, because I think the person who’s listening thinks I’m boring/annoying them
“it’s okay. i want to die. but i mean, it’s okay”
I insult people more than usual when they’re not doing things the way I want them to. It’s normally as a joke, but the insult’s pretty harsh
“no one gives a shit about school.”
Not clapping for people I’m jealous of after they share something, because I ‘don’t think they deserve it’
I WILL NEVER ADMIT TO JEALOUSY
I’m the mom friend. But, the mom that tells others your secrets. Or, the mom that watches you like a hawk to ensure that you’re okay
I have just as much confidence as a Gryffindor, but for confrontation, not stupid things
If I want things done the right way, they’ll be done my way
I often say “shut up” to people when I have a really good point to make
I take advantage of others sometimes. But I do it so well that they don’t even notice.
I only work with others when I know I can’t do it by myself
I do things to people just to see them cry or get upset if I’m mad at them
Being pitied lets me get what I want. That’s why I act upset often
“Are you okay?”
(Me) “I’m fine”
(Me) “But, this one bitch said—“
I’ll probably tell you if you’re boring me
I’m charming, ngl. Like, everybody that I’ve liked has fucking liked me back. Wow
I’m still a good friend. When I feel like I’m slipping away from my friends, I’ll hang around them more, and let my guard down
^^ I don’t do that to continue hearing their secrets or whatever, but because I genuinely love them
My alignment is ‘neutral evil’ yeet
Laughing at someone who falls or messes up with their words, because their reaction is funny
I think of comebacks before I fucking cream someone in a roast battle
My arguments usually end with me saying: “it doesn’t matter what you fucking think anyway, you know you’re wrong.” or just simply “sure. fuck you.”
Emotional friends? I usually roll my eyes when they walk up to me, tears streaming down their face. I make sure they don’t see my reaction, though
HAVE I MENTIONED THAT I’M MANIPULATIVE
I even ruin my fucking family’s day because I don’t get what I want from them
I want a tattoo. I will get a tattoo.
I gossip so goddamn much, but I cripple whenever I hear somebody talking about me badly
My first thought when someone upsets me is: “Kill them” lol bye
I don’t want power, I want the envy of others from having it.
I’m physical. Especially to the people I like
I’m a loyal friend, and often give my closest friends second chances. More than two, actually
I like coffee. Like
I have dark, straight hair
I’m so good at getting what I want, I even surprise myself
I do things to please others, because again, I fear rejection
I’m a different person when I’m alone— I can be more emotional
I’m more fun when I’m with others
I only cry when I have to
I turn everything into a competition; “she got applause? i’ll make sure that i get more.”
Green and silver aren’t my favourite colours, but I’m willing to say they are, because: house pride, baby
When manipulating people, if I ever feel bad, I’ll continue to manipulate them, because I’m too close to getting what I want to give up. << That makes me sound sociopathic, but if it’s a friend, I’ll most likely stop. Most likely
I tend to think of myself above others sometimes... oops
I let my guard down when I’m tired.
I’ve always feared being bullied, or being ‘not good enough’
Ya girl has fucking eye bags and pimples but doesn’t give a shit about them!!
^^ (yes I do)
I swear in front of friends who don’t like swearing, and then repeatedly say: “i didn’t say ‘fuck’, i said ‘frick’!” AND NOT NOTICING I JUST SWORE AGAIN LMFAO
I insulted these little kids hardcore once, just to earn laughs from my friends!/&2!:2 (they did it too, though)
“i don’t care if i’ve said it already, i’ll say it a-fucking-gain until you understand”
My parents are both Slytherins
I come up with a lot of ‘what if’ situations, and come up with the absolute worst thoughts
Scary movies are cool, but not when I’m alone
My dumbass lowkey laughs at scary shit sometimes
I TALK SO FAST BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH SHIT TO SAY
“welcome to my world, it’s called ‘i don’t give a fuck about you or your feelings’ ... ‘but if you’re my friend i’ll make sure you’re safe and happy bby’
I either comfort my friend when they’re sad to ensure that they’ll be okay after, or just leave them there to deal with it by themselves
I care about my friends feelings, and I want to make them (especially) laugh when they’re upset
Everything. I. Do. Is. For. My. Own. Benefit
I won’t admit that I like something because I don’t want to like something that a person I don’t like, likes (does that make sense?! who fucking cares lol)
I insult my friends more than others, because I think they can deal with it better
I make a good first impression, wanting to please people, because I fear rejection lolol
Water is a beautiful thing, and even though I can’t swim (lolol fuck) I love going to the beach and staying in the shallow end yeehaw
I overreact about something someone said/did because I’ve been wanting to snap at them all day
I’m chivalours, boi
“fucking hell, i dropped my fatass water bottle. shit.”
If someone drops something, I’ll stare at it until another person picks it up, instead of me picking it up
I’ll do nice things, because I’m not an *coughs* animal! I’m not all bad, yk
I’m popular. Are you jealous yet? LOL XD M8
When my friend tells me to do something, I’ll tell someone else to do it for me. Unless it’s something easy
I have second thoughts about being in Slytherin sometimes, and take the Pottermore quiz again, just to ensure myself
“lin, that’s unsafe”
“i know. that’s why i’m doing it”
I’m the most inappropriate, rude, dirty-minded, potty-mouthed of all my friends
I quote vines or people I love daily
Meeting my idols is huge for me, because I look up to them so fucking much
I don’t try out for certain teams because I know I’ll humiliate myself. I won’t say that’s the reason, though
I get ready for myself. I don’t care how shitty you think I look, because I think I look great, bitch
Doing something repeatedly after someone tells me I’m doing it wrong, or to stop doing it
“i can’t do it? watch me, asshole”
I’m always giving people attitude, sometimes unintentionally
I respect my teachers, because I don’t want to get in trouble. I just insult them quietly. Hardcore insults, though.
I fight for things I’m passionate about, and I’m not afraid to stand up for it even if I’m the only one supporting it
I won’t quit an argument until the other person admits that they’re wrong
I’m good at finding things (out)
I will purposely say: “they’re mad at me. but i don’t give a shit” to somebody, when my friend who’s mad at me is around
I do embarrassing things, and when I’m caught, I try not to show my embarrassment
I deal so well with pain, that you wouldn’t even know I was going through any if you looked at me
I don’t filter what I say. People don’t deserve the sugar-coated version of my insult
“i’m not rude, people are just too soft.”
Yes, I regret things. Yes, I apologize. Yes, I’m kind. But only to my friends, and anyone else whom I love with all of my heart
I guess you could say I pick my friends wisely
I struggle alone, hey hey hey!
I tell people the sugar-coated version of my problems, because I know if I told them the real version, they would call the police to take me to a new home or something
I know when to not do something, because I think about what would happen in the future
I know when to end a friendship, because it’s not benefiting me, mentally
I don’t feel bad when I’ve hurt people’s feelings when the insult really wasn’t that rude
I don’t really like learning, but I do when it’ll get me somewhere I want to be
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