#my second book from the internet archive

[shhhitscoffeetime]

i love you open access libraries i love you sci hub i love you lib gen and all your pseudo names i love you zlib i love you second hand book shop with textbook section i love you friend from other uni who has access to their library i love you internet friend with PDFs i love you well orgnaised google drive full of books i love you internet archive i love you libby i love you state library with the only physical copy of my textbook i love you tumblr mutual with book hyperfixation i love you discord library pdf horders i love you anna's archive i love you friends who never clear out your downloads folder

[soracities]

I read Abdulla Pashew’s “Union” on your page, and it literally shook me to my core. I have never been a poetry kind of girl. I was always more into prose. But lately, I’ve been getting into poetry slowly, and your blog is helping me discover some great poems and poets. I am so grateful to you for that!

I wanted to ask if you know Abdulla Pashew’s other works similar to/as bone-chilling as Union or any other poets.

I want to read poetry, but it’s scattered all over the internet, and looking them up on Google demotivates me. I can’t have books of poetry collections as I'm not into particular poets yet. I wish there were some kind of website or something where all the great poems of great poets are gathered, hahaha.

Anyway, thank you, and keep doing what you’re doing because you’re great at it!

I'm so glad to hear that, anon 🤍

In all honesty, I'm hesitant to compare and contrast poems when they've had such an emotional impact because often that impact is deeply personal to the reader, and you don't know when, or where, it's going to come from; it's also distinct to a particular poem reaching you at a particular time in some cases and isn't necessarily something you can replicate by trying to make other poems match the experience of one particular poem--all of them are unique in the end. All I can give you are the poems that most moved me, and that I feel tally with "Union" either in terms of affecting me through rhythm, language style or content. A few individual ones:

"Rain Song" by Badr Shakir al-Sayyab

"Clothes" by Sherko Bekas

"No Explosions" Naomi Shihab Nye

"A Kiss on the Forehead" Marina Tsvetaeva

"Cloves" by Saadi Youssef (second poem on the page)

"The Cinnamon Peeler" by Michael Ondaatje

"Separation" by W.S. Merwin

"Woman Unborn" by Anna Swir

"Fire Graffiti" by Tomas Transtromer

"Shadowplay" by Sándor Kányádi

Collection-wise I think the first poet that comes to mind whose writing-style is slightly in the same tone as "Union" is Maram al-Massri, particularly A Red Cherry on a White-Tiled Floor (you can read it for free on the Internet Archive here). I would also highly recommend Dunya Mikhail's The Iraqi Nights (some of the poems in the series "Tablets" can be read here).

As for Pashew himself, there are only handful of his poems online in English, most of them by the Poetry Translation Centre. The translator of "Union" has translated a selection of his poetry in Dictionary of Midnight, though, which I've added it to my list, so if you find yourself drawn to him, it might be worth seeing if your local library has a copy as a way of getting more directly in touch with some of Pashew's work (in fact, I would recommend checking the library in general for any poets you've enjoyed: you're not paying for the books and so there is no pressure to feel you have to enjoy them).

[blairstales]

How To Get Free Books On Folklore

I do not believe in gatekeeping knowledge, so this post will be sharing how I get all my folklore books for free, legally.

To explain, when a book gets over a certain age and the copyright is not upkept, it falls under “public domain.” When that happens, many different websites will provide those books as a free download.

This is not restricted to one type of book, either. You can grab anything from Sherlock Holmes to history books, to folklore, and more.

If you are looking for a specific book, you may have to check more than one source, so I suggest bookmarking more than one website.

Example Websites:

Internet Archive

Project Gutenberg

Google Books

Open Library

Electric Scotland (Scottish books)

Sacred Texts

National Library of Scotland: Ossain Collection

Forgotten Books

Hathitrust

For me when I download a book, I then upload them to my Google library so that I can use the search functions as well as bring up the books anywhere, but a popular PC option isCalibre.

If you are interested in Scotland-specific folklore, I do have some suggestions of books you can start with.

Scottish Folklore Books:

(link) A Dictionary of Fairies: Hobgoblins, Brownies, Bogies, and Other Supernatural Creatures by Katharine Briggs (1976)

(link) Folklore of Scottish Lochs and Springs by James M. Mackinlay (1893)

(link) Superstitions of the Highlands & Islands of Scotland by John Gregorson Campbell (1900)

(link) The Peat-Fire Flame: Folk-Tales and Traditions of the Highlands and Islands by Alasdair Alpin MacGregor (1937)

(link) Notes on Folk-Lore of the North-East of Scotland by Walter Gregor, M.A. (1881)

(link) The Fairy-Faith in Celtic Countries by W.Y. Evans-Wentz (1911)

(link) Witchcraft and Superstitious Record in the South-Western District of Scotland by J. Maxwell Wood (1911)

(link) Witchcraft & Second Sight in the Highlands & Islands of Scotland by John Gregorson Campbell (1902)

(link) Folklore of Scottish Lochs and Springs by James M. Mackinlay (1893)

(link) Folk-Lore From The West of Ross-Shire by C.M. Robertson (1908)

(link) The Fairy Mythology / Illustrative of the Romance and Superstition of Various Countries by Thomas Keightley (1850)

(link) Popular Tales of the West Highlands by John Francis Campbell (1862)

(link) Scottish Fairy and Folk Tales by Sir George Douglas

(link) The Scottish Fairy Book By Elizabeth W. Grierson (1918)

(link)

(link) Popular Superstitions of the Highlands By W Grant Stewart (1823)

[thefugitivesaint]

If you've been a frequent, repeat visitor to this tumblr and you actually follow my "source" links, you'll know that many (if not most) of those links refer you back to the Internet Archive. I spend many hours combing through the archive for images I find interesting and aesthetically pleasing from artist's whose work I enjoy. I then transfer that labor, freely, into "content" for your viewing pleasure (or so I hope). If you were not aware of this, the book industry (which is basically controlled by 5 companies) brought a suit against the Internet Archive in 2020 that claimed that the Open Library program offered by the IA was financially damaging to the publishers themselves through "copyright infringement." During the COVID-19 lockdowns, the IA created the 'National Emergency Library' which removed lending restrictions on lent digital material allowing for expanded access to books at a time when public libraries were, in many cases, not operating (or operating at a very limited capacity). In response to the NEL, four book publishers sued the Internet Archive claiming that CDL (controlled digital lending) was not an example of fair use and that offering books without wait restrictions was a violation of their copyrights. The argument made by the publisher's was only partially aimed at the NEL, the ACTUAL target of their lawsuit was with the process of CDL itself. A lower court agreed and the Internet Archive appealed. The case was taken to the United States Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit only to have that court affirm the lower court rulings on a unanimous decision (with some seriously questionable reasoning involved).

What does this mean for the Internet Archive? What about public libraries in general? Read the piece and the links provided in the piece. I don't do in-depth analysis here. I just refer you (dear reader) to smarter people who are putting in the work. I really just dig pictures. Pretty pictures. *Homer Simpson drooling* Seriously though, if the topic interests you, follow the links and do yourself some learning.

[waklman]

Michelin Star

summary: you give bradley head during a private dinner or the “you say it’s big, but you take it” lyric from frank ocean.

pairing: bradley bradshaw x female reader.

warnings: no use of y/n. smut 18+ blog minors dni. blowjob/oral (m receiving), pwp, spit kink.

word count: 1.3k

nfl au, billionare bradley, a24 actress reader

city of stars masterlist

“Look so fuckin’ tiny next to it. Fuck.” Bradley harshly whispers, fully taken by the way your head shrinks in size when you pose next to his straining cock. His stomach knots at how the shadow of his dick rests over your entire face, as it towers past the top of your head. 

Mouth starting to fill with saliva, all you can do is nod in agreement—not wanting to drool over the expensive slacks he’s zippered down for you.

You could only pray that your plea translates through the wide-eyed stare you’re giving him. Because right now, you’d do just about anything to feel the delicious stretch of his thick cock down throat when he inevitably reaches back there.

Under the dinner table of the Michelin restaurant he’s booked out, the precum dripping down his length slips onto the side of your face and you go to eagerly lick it off once it trails down towards your mouth. 

Though, you should be a bit ashamed—acting like this in a public space, you can’t seem to care as your restraint thinned out long ago.

“Please. So big,” you thickly swallow, chest rising up and down as you pull back to watch him throb in your manicured hand, that barely wraps around his girth. The silk table cloth slips down the back of your tweed Chanel archive dress when you move to look at him.

Through pure instinct, you roll your tongue back in on itself, trying to find the fleeting aftertaste of his salty precum somewhere on there. 

Bradley insisted that you’d wait until the driver drops you both off at his penthouse—but how were you supposed to do that when he casually passed a thick bundle of cash to the waiter, suggesting he say a number between five and ten. Smirking when ten hit his ears, Bradley leaned over his main course to tell you that he’s going to make you cum ten times tonight.

And that's when you started begging hard enough that he gave in, letting his seared steak run cold.

“So big, but you take it anyway,” he hums condescendingly, guiding you towards his leaking tip with the hand he has tangled into your hair. You're not sure if it's his Rolex brushing against the shell of your ear or the thought of someone possibly catching you, but a shiver passes down your spine. 

"My dirty fucking girl,” he suddenly growls through clenched teeth. “Lettin’ me stuff that pretty mouth. Don't even care if someone sees, huh?" 

It's almost pathetic how quickly you nod, bleary eyed as you slowly move down his length, bobbing back up to swallow his tangy precum, desperate to not miss a drop.

It’s a brief thought that cuts through his lust, but Bradley wished the paparazzi waiting outside the tinted glass doors would just fuck off for once. Because if he did so much as move in his seat, they’d get a view of his wife on her knees, cherry red lips wrapped around the head of his cock. 

Tightening his grip, he slightly tugs on your roots, moving you back off him for a moment. Instantly, you dart out a tongue, catching the taste of him that brushes over your chin to hide the disappointment of your empty mouth. 

Bradley couldn’t imagine that your manager would particularly enjoy spending his rare day off—scrubbing lewd photos of his rising movie star off the internet—as that would stir trouble around your growing career. But, what Bradley could imagine, was that he has more than enough money to hire someone else clear the pictures within seconds.

“If you make it quick, I’ll fuck you til’ can’t breathe in the back of the Bently. Got it?” He looks down at you, a stern expression dawning his features. Noticing the haze taking over your vision, Bradley presses further, a tinge of impatience leaking into his tone. “Gonna be a good girl and answer me?”

“I–Yes,” you whimper, regaining focus with a forceful blink. The mere thought of him mercilessly pounding you into the leathered seats with the radio cranked up, stifling the harsh snap of his hips—while the driver blissfully attends to his smoke break, has you instantly clenching your thighs. The carpet under your bare knees scratches at you with the abrupt movement. 

Pleased with your reaction, he scratches at your scalp, prompting you to sink your mouth around him again. “Mm, that's right,” he begins to coo, watching his dick glide past the tip of your tongue. “Thought you’d like that. Making people wait around while you’re crying ‘bout how full you are. Crying ‘bout how you can’t live without this dick in you,” he crudely voices. 

Then like instant karma, an unsuspected groan rips through his chest, putting an end to his teasing.

Bradley’s suddenly forced to bend forward because you’re eagerly hollowing your cheeks, already taking more than half of him. It’s downright shameless how obedient you’re being, sucking in a deep breath and holding it so you don’t gag around his cock.

“Holy shit,” he heaves, steadying his faltering clutch on the roots of your hair. 

“S-Shit. Just like that,” he grits, brows pinched and eyes fixated on the way your nose increasingly gets closer the bejeweled hand you have curled at his base, mouth moving up and down his length, coating him in a clear slick.

The decorated table above you is shaking, the back of your skull cushioned by his thick fingers repeatedly slams against the blunt edge in bursts. 

Bradley’s hazel orbs are dimmed to an inky black color—the only light glimmering through his eyes is from the reflection of burning candles jittering away from its original spot between your plates.

“You tryna’ call the waiter over here? Huh? Needy little thing,” he bites down on his lip, ears zoning in the sound of your muffled moans.

Tongue molding around a protruded vein on his underside, you chase to get the entire stretch of it to lay flat against your tastebuds, ignoring the burn of your mascara in your waterline when your tears mix with it. 

Roughly, Bradley spits a sharp wad right onto the hefty rock perched on your ring finger. “Want you reaching that fuckin’ diamond, baby.” The saliva glossing your wedding ring, spurs you to pick up your pace, sending a continuous vibration down his length. 

Jaw stretched to its limit, your slobber leaks out the side of your mouth. A rush of dizziness surges through you when you finally feel the head of his cock poking the back wall of your throat. 

Curling his other hand firmly around your nape, he mockingly taps his large thumb on the pedant of your necklace. “Almost fuckin’ there,” he runs the digit down line of your throat. “C’mon. Thought you wanted this dick down here.” 

In response, you bob your head faster in unison with the well decorated hand fisted around his length. Above you, Bradley’s incessantly grunting out a string of praise as the wet surface of the glassy crystal nudges at the tip of your runny nose in success. You finally reached the diamond.

Bradley feels the oxygen completely dissipate from his lungs, a sear of building pleasure bats through his ribs while he fights the urge to tip his head back. His eyes nearly shuts, but he wills himself to keep his attention on you. His wife.

And if it’s not the sight of your throat growing in size as his cock spills into it, then it’s the overwhelmed gag that rings around him that finally tips Bradley over.

A shaky praise of Good Girl mindlessly leaves his scratchy throat when you diligently swallow the ropes of cum that shoot down your throat.

Carefully, he moves you off him, lightly laughing when you blankly blink at his deflated dick as if you didn’t just consume his future children instead of dinner.

Moving his hands to cradle your head between them, Bradley extends a thumb to feasibly clean off the smudge of lipstick smeared across your cheek. 

Bradley grins. “You do realize that our waiter who’s been consistently checking up on us, hasn’t come back to our table right?”

The remembrance of the grown man's excitement to constantly ask how the food was, after becoming thousands of dollars richer from the Bradley's loose change makes him laugh again, but you don’t join in.

Instead, you frown a bit as he continues to work off the red stain on your face. “I thought I was pretty quick!” You protest, pondering on how long you actually took.

If you weren’t as fast as you thought, there wouldn't be a chance in hell that he'd start on his promise of making you cum ten times tonight in the car.

Bradley raises an eyebrow at you, biting back his amusement when he says his final statement. “Apparently, not quick enough. Looks like the Bentley is being spared.”

note: did i write this to live out my rich husband dreams, maybe! anyways thank you for reading and as always reblogs are greatly appreciated <3

join the taglist for this series here or follow me on @waklman-library and turn on notifs to be notified when i post!

[zahri-melitor]

If you want to read comics and you want to test the waters:-

Yes, RCO and clones exist, everyone uses them, I do it weekly too for titles I cannot access any other way (The Warlord) but let me tell you, it’s not the only option, particularly if you want to read reasonably modern comics back issues rather than deliberately suppressed obscure stuff. Plus, don’t you want to look at comics without worrying about getting viruses?

Your Local Library: your library probably has comics as trade paperbacks, and inter library loan will have more. It’s not the most consistent way to find things, but you should definitely look them up, there’s probably something there you’d be interested in reading. Good for having multiple presses, and most take suggestions for their collections, which is a slow but free way to read titles with highly detailed art like Wonder Woman Historia in person.

Digital libraries: my local libraries have ComicsPlus subscriptions, which I can use for free. Now you won’t get DC or Marvel on them, but BOOM!, Dark Horse, Image, Oni Press, Papercutz? All options. A really helpful way to easily sample other presses.

Internet Archive Library: the IA is again going to have an eclectic collection and be difficult to search, but it’s there and it has a lot of stuff and you’re not going to be worrying about computer viruses.

DCUI: if you’re in US, UK, Canada, AU or NZ, you can get a DCUI account. There’s a free trial available of course, and if what you’re interested in trying was published more than 6 months ago, you don’t even need to shell out for Ultra. It costs me less than a Netflix subscription per month, even for Ultra. There’s also a small handful of comics you’ll be able to access for free without ANY subscription - essentially advertising for new runs etc.

MU: just like DCUI, only Marvel, and available more places. Also runs on a subscription model. MU also has the quirk that you can manage digital ownership of individual issues also through their app (if you buy Marvel floppies there is a mechanism to obtain a legal digital copy within ~6 months of the publication date)

Local Comics Shops: you can also…buy floppies and trade paperbacks for yourself. If you really love a story and it’s out in trade, I highly recommend buying it for yourself to have forever. It just sidesteps so many future problems. An LCS is also more likely to have a back catalogue of titles available - if you’re looking for a trade published 8 years ago, they might have it while an ordinary bookshop won’t. If you’re less certain, events like Free Comic Book Day and Batman Day are largely a marketing exercise more than new original material these days, but they’re also a good way to get to handle and own actual comic books if you’ve never done that before.

Other bookshops: if you don’t have a local bookshop with a specialist comics and manga collection (I do) it’s going to be a bit like trying to find comics at your local library: you’ll see lots of stuff with Batman and Joker in the title, and a random selection of anything else. Sometimes you can get surprisingly good deals from them as collectors are less likely to use them to get titles.

Overstock/Remainder Sellers: always worth a look, particularly if you’re trying to pick up titles printed several years ago. My local one has found some absolute gems for me, at a significant discount (I have picked up parts of Dixon’s Nightwing run, Bennett’s Batwoman run, Rowell’s Runaways, some Wonder Woman trades from Rucka and Perez, Gotham Central, I just managed to get the second n52 Blue Beetle trade…)

EBay/second hand shops/Abebooks/Biblio: a decent way to measure what the actual value of a comic title is on the second hand market. Sometimes you can find that the market value is far lower than you expected (Cassie’s Wonder Girl series is remarkably affordable). In other occasions you realise DC is leaving a LOT of money on the table by not reprinting (look up Red Robin trade prices and weep).

Friends: do you know anyone else who likes comics? They may already own stuff they can loan to you! (Once I lent out my Birds of Prey collection to a friend and he returned it with the first two n52 titles added. Still unsure if that was meant to be a kindness or just letting me store them)

[thedisabilitybookarchive]

Disability in Books: Disabled Lesbian MCs

[ID: A poster. Large black text reading "Disabled Lesbian MCs" is in the centre. Above it, to the left, smaller black text reading "Disability in Books". The background is a straight diagonal version of the Disability Pride flag. In the upper right corner, the logo for the Disability Book Archive. In the lower left corner, the Lesbian Pride flag. /end]

[ID: The same poster. The flag and logo have shrunken slightly in size. The title has been removed, replaced with three book covers and some text. The first cover is "10 Things I Can See From Here" by Carrie Mac down the left hand side. Black text listed next to it reads "Anxiety", "Addiction (SC)", "Contemporary", "Romance", "Canada", "Bisexual SCs" and "Young Adult". The second cover is "Bianca Torre is Afraid of Everything" by Justine Pucella Winans and is in the upper right corner. Black text listed next to it reads "Anxiety", "Contemporary", "Myster", "Transgender SCs", "Non-Binary SCs", and "Young Adult". The third cover is "The Degenerates" by J. Albert Mann and is in the lower left corner. Black text listed next to it reads "Club Foot", "Down Syndrome", "Historical", "1920s USA", "Young Adult" and "Multiple POV". /end]

[ID: The same poster. The book covers and text have changed. The first cover is "The Faithless" by C. L. Clark. Black text listed next to it reads "Adult", "Cane User", "Chronic Pain", "PTSD", "High Fantasy", "Series" and "2nd Bisexual MC". The second cover is "Harrow the Ninth" by Tamsyn Muir. Black text listed next to it reads "Adult", "Schizophrenia", "Science Fiction Fantasy", "Horror", "Series" and "Necromancy". The third cover is "Honey Girl" by Morgan Rogers. Black text listed next to it reads "Adult", "Anxiety", "Depression", "Biracial MC", "Japanese-American LI" and "Romance". /end]

[ID: The same poster. The book covers and text have changed. The first cover is "The No-Girlfriend Rule" by Christen Randall. Black text listed next to it reads "Young Adult", "Anxiety", "ADHD (SC)", "Romance", "Contemporary", "Comedy" and "Fat MC". The second cover is "Margo Zimmerman Gets the Girl" by Brianna R. Shrum. Black text listed next to it reads "Young Adult", "Autism", "ADHD", "Romance", "Contemporary" and "Jewish Characters". The third cover is "The Second Mango" by Shira Glassman. Black text listed next to it reads "Young Adult", "Severe Food Intolerances", "Fantasy", "Romance", "Series", "POC MC" and "Magic". /end]

[ID: The same poster. The book covers and text have changed. The first cover is "The Outside" by Ada Hoffman. Black text listed next to it reads "Adult", "Autism", "ADHD (SC)", "Science Fiction", "Horror", "Space Opera", "Series", "Asexual SC" and "Genderfluid SC". The second cover is "Everyone in this Room Will Some Day Be Dead" by Emily Augustin. Black text listed next to it reads "Anxiety", "Addiction (SC), "Depression", "Contemporary", "Canada" and "Transgender SC". The third cover is "How to Become A Planet" by Nicole Melleby. Black text listed next to it reads "Middle-Grade/Young Adult", "Anxiety", "Depression", "OCD (SC)", "Non-Binary Questioning LI", "Contemporary", and "Astronomy". /end]

❤️🤍🩷❤️🤍🩷❤️🤍🩷❤️🤍🩷❤️🤍🩷❤️🤍🩷❤️🤍🩷 ❤️

[22 heart emojis, alternating between red, white and pink]

A short collection of books featuring disabled lesbian MCs!

I missed lesbian visibility week, and I wanted to post this on Saturday but my internet decided to die a fiery death over the weekend so I am very very late on everything. Hopefully this begins to makes up for it!

Books on this list:

❤️ "10 Things I Can See From Here"- Mac, Carrie

🤍 "Bianca Torre is Afraid of Everything"- Winans, Justine Pucella

🩷 "The Degenerates"- Mann, J. Albert

❤️ "The Faithless"- Clark, C. L.

🤍 "Harrow the Ninth"- Muir, Tamsyn

🩷 "Honey Girl"- Rogers, Morgan

❤️ "The No-Girlfriend Rule"- Randall, Christen

🤍 "Margo Zimmerman Gets the Girl"- Shrum, Brianna R.

🩷 "The Second Mango"- Glassman, Shira

❤️ "The Outside"- Hoffman, Ada

🤍 "Everyone in this Room Will Some Day Be Dead"- Augstin, Emily

🩷 "How to Become A Planet"- Melleby, Nicole

Every book on this list and more can be found in the disability book archive!

Happy Browsing!

[faeriekit]

I haven't spent a day without reading after I discovered ffn in high school.*

I genuinely don't have any perspective a life looks like without reading. I used to smuggle library books into middle school math classes, and get all four of them confiscated, one at a time. In the second grade, I smuggled books out onto the playground so I could read longer. In between those years, I spent time taking out books from the 80s and 90s in my school library-- but once I could get free literature on my itouch forever, as long as I had WiFi? Game changing. GAME. CHANGING.

People like to knock on fanfiction and, fine, sure, there's bad stuff out there just like everywhere else, but there's been no greater treasure in my life than clicking open a tab wherever I am-- bus, dr.s office, work, in bed-- and knowing there is a story there for me, if I just adjust my ao3 settings. Fanfiction is a lesson and a story and a celebration of stories all at once. I learned how to write from the fanfics I loved. I learned how to refine my sense of grammar (for better and for worse). I learned what worked and what didn't in a story. I learned what people like, and why they love it. I learned what different shapes and sizes of love look like in different eyes. I learned how many people can well and truly love a story, entirely independent from the media conglomerates that designed it to be marketable. Thousands of strangers freely, happily, embracing a story. Telling each other stories.

And the TAGGING system on ao3 changed my life. Ffn? Awful to navigate. Even worse to search on. The crossover options were limited and the categories were slim. Ao3 is a love letter to fans, and from fans to the media they love. I'm getting sentimental. It's 2am. But I wouldn't trade a thousand hours in my school library for the gift of reading at my fingertips, everywhere I go, for the rest of my life. And it's all because a stranger on the internet wanted to tell me a story.

Anyway. Blister Pack hit 30,000 hits. I write this story for me. But when it means something to all the readers popping comments in my inbox, all I can do is be grateful that it touches something in you, too. I don't know how long it'll mean anything to anyone, but the joy of archiving fics means that there's infinite time in the world for us to find the story we need today. It'll still be there in the morning.

*(I don't think my ventures with livejournal counted. I was only on there sporadically.)

Edit: drafted 11/28/2022

[centrally-unplanned]

Since I am discussing anime academia today, I was reading another paper that was equally frustrating, along a different axis:

“Do female anime fans exist?” The impact of women-exclusionary discourses on rec.arts.anime

This as a premise is a good concept; someone mining the 90's Usenet anime communities for how the fandom saw female fans back then (the article title is quoting one such thread). So of course, the opening line of this article about the anime fandom in the 90's is....sigh....a reference to Donald Trump:

Commenting on the 2016 American presidential elections, multiple news reporters noted that a relationship could be found between Donald Trump supporters and online anime fans

It of course goes on to discuss Gamergate, 8chan, online right-wing radicalization, references to the "Fascist" themes of Attack on Titan, and on and on. The obvious problem with this is that it is irrelevant; the "methodology" section involves this aside about how they pulled this data from Google Archives but Google is an advertising firm and not a replacement for a real archive and we need to Fight The System and buddy my dude that is not germane to your sample size!!! But more importantly, it is backwards. I don't need to explain the argument here in detail; the article is positing a throughline from 90's anime discourse to modern right-wing internet politics through a sort of 'lock-in' effect of built culture norms around misogyny. Which is fine, you can make that argument - but why is all this future stuff in the first section? You haven't really presented the argument yet! This isn't a book, its not the intro chapter - literally 30% of the text of this article is stating a conclusion upfront, justified not through the text itself but citations to other articles about its truth.

This is something media studies pulled from traditional science - traditional science states "established facts" up front that the paper is building on. But that is because - a thousand caveats aside - in chemistry those facts are....facts. They may be wrong facts, but they can, ostensibly, be objective descriptors. This paper cites "anime is still synonymous with far-right ideologies of white and male supremacy, and events of anti-Blackness" like its citing the covalent bond count of carbon. That is not and never will be a fact one can cite, that is an argument; and its not one that is important for understanding this analysis of Usenet groups. This structure is pulled from other sciences, but it flourishes because it lets you pad the citation count of your peers. Its embarrassing how often you can skip the first 1/3rd of a paper in this field - really the worst possible thing to copy from economics (ding!)

This paper also does the insane thing of jumping between citations from 1992 and events in the 2010's like anime culture is continuous between those time periods. Its an extremely bold claim it just does in the background... but lets set that aside.

This hyper-politicization & hyper-theorizing leads to the second issue of extreme under-analysis. This is the actual value-add of this paper:

From this search, I was able to find the discussion threads “How many females read r.a.a.?” (135 messages; opened on July 13, 1993), “Question: Girls on r.a.a?” (23 messages; opened on February 25, 1994), “Female Otakus” (221 messages; opened on June 25, 1994), “Women watching anime” (72 messages; opened on October 4, 1994), and “Female fans - Do they exist?” (61 messages; opened on October 26, 1995). While these discussions may seem like they were spaces for marginalized users to discuss their experiences, they were often started and overwhelmingly occupied by identified male users. In total, I extracted 252 messages from 1992 to 1996 that were relevant to the gendering of anime fandom, and among those, I classified them as 7 kinds of negative networking discursive practices: (e.g. Table 1. Negative networking practices on rec.arts.anime).

252 messages, five threads - later on it will name other threads, so its more than this, but you get it. It has a bunch of data. And from that data, the article quotes...less than half a dozen examples. There are no quantitative metrics, no threads are presented or discussed in detail from this data set. Some other event is discussed in detail, but again it quotes essentially one person once. The provided "Table 1", the only Table, is a list of the author's categorizations of the data; the data itself is not present. Its file format is a CSV, presumably to mock me for clicking it.

There is, from top to bottom, a complete lack of engagement with the data in question. This would fail an intro anthropology seminar; the conclusion is simply presumed from 1% of the sample size while the rest of the messages are left on read. I just don't think there is any value in that, a handful of messages from 1996 divorced from their context and stapled onto modern politics as a wrap-up. What did the people on this Usenet value? How did they think of women collectively? As anime fans, as outsiders, as romantic partners, as friends? What subfactions existed? Questions like those would presumably be the point of this investigation, but they are treated as distractions.

And this article was, in anime academic circles, a pretty well-trumpeted one. I'm not cherry-picking a bad one here, it was the "hot paper" of the month when it came out. Its just that the standards can be so low, its a field that simply lacks rigor. Which doesn't stop a ton of great work from being done btw, that isn't my point at all. My point is that the great work is not selected for; it goes unrewarded, bogged down by academic standards divorced from discovering real insights.

(I do not think the question "why are they misogynist" ever crossed the author's mind. That should be your literal thesis, and its a ghost. Just ugh.)

[ftmtftm]

ftmtftm's reading (and watching) list

So I've been putting this list together to help people understand my beliefs and also to expand their own. This is a list of theorists, poets, authors, artists, and people that I often source from whose works have deeply impacted my framework of the world. I hope someone else can find them useful as well.

I've included several videos because I know how inaccessible academic text can be, but I do encourage you to read the text if you're able and seek out copies of books listed at your local libraries or independent book sellers/second hand book shops! When I could not find a PDF for a written work I have added Thrift Books links. Also double check the Internet Archive, Trans Reads, and The Anarchist Library for more readings!!

If any of these links break please let me know and I'll see what I can do to fix them. I'll be adding to this list as time goes on as currently these are just the books I can see on my bookshelf and videos I could remember I've seen before!

3.4.2024 - This list is slightly outdated in that there are several authors and works I need to add. Please seach the names James Baldwin and Audre Lorde or simply my reading list tag on my blog for additional resources.

Theory

Kimberlé Crenshaw:

Critial Race Theory: The Key Writings That Formed The Movement - thrift books

Mapping the Margins: Intersectionality, Identity Politics, and Violence against Women of Color - PDF

The Urgency of Intersectionality - video

Kimberlé Crenshaw Intersectionality is NOT identity - video exerpt from her WOW keynote speech

Angela Davis:

Angela Davis Criticizes "Mainstream Feminism" / Bourgeois Feminism - video

Angela Davis What it means to be a Revolutionary (1972 Interview) - video

Roxane Gay:

Bad Feminist: Essays - Internet Archive

Roxane Gay: Confessions of a bad feminist - video

Roxane Gay, Feminism and Difficult Women - video

bell hooks:

Feminism is for Everybody - PDF

The Will to Change - Internet Archive / audio book - YouTube

All About Love - PDF / audio book - YouTube

Teaching to Transgress PDF / audio book - YouTube

Speaking Freely: bell hooks - video

bell hooks & john a. powell: Belonging Through Connection (Othering & Belonging Conference 2015) - video

bell hooks & Gloria Steinem at Eugene Lang College - video (intro ends 7:24)

Emi Koyama:

The Transfeminist Manifesto - PDF

Ijeoma Oluo:

So You Want to Talk About Race - thrift books

Ijeoma Oluo Talks at Google - video

Public Presentation with Ijeoma Olua - video

History / Journals

P. Carl:

Becoming a Man - thrift books

Library Labyrinth Live Presents: P. Carl Becoming a Man - video (intro ends approx. 3:20)

P. Carl Prologue UCCS - video (audio quality poor)

Keith Haring:

Journals - PDF

Keith Haring Documentary - video

Keith Haring On The Fence - video

Jack Lowery:

It Was Vulgar & It Was Beautiful: How AIDS Activists Used Art to Fight a Pandemic - thrift books

Susan Stryker:

Transgender History - PDF

Transitions, with Susan Stryker - podcast - YouTube

Lou Sullivan:

We Both Laughed in Pleasure: The Selected Diaries of Lou Sullivan 1961-1991 - trans reads

Trans Oral History: Meeting Lou Sullivan - video

A series of video interviews with Lou - playlist

Fiction / Poetry

Chinua Achebe:

Things Fall Apart (novel) - PDF

I'm trying hard to not add too much of my own commentary to this post but personally I really think it's helpful to read Things Fall Apart in theoretical conversation with The Will to Change by bell hooks and in direct conversation with one of the works it was written in response to, The Heart of Darkness

Arundhati Roy:

The God of Small Things (novel) - thrift books

Arundhati Roy talks about her life and views on the world - video

Warsan Shire:

Bless the Daughter Raised by a Voice in Her Head (poetry collection) - thrift books

Warsan Shire reads her poetry - video

Zadie Smith:

White Teeth (novel) - Internet Archive

White Teeth (4 part Real Drama adaptation) - videos

Zadie Smith Interview: On Bad Girls, Good Guys and the Complicated Midlife - video

A Conversation with Zadie Smith - video

Pamela Sneed:

Funeral Diva (poetry and prose collection) - thrift books

Pamela Sneed Discusses "Funeral Diva" - video

I offer you a secret meme for your time (with books I still need to add to this list):

[talonabraxas]

“Alchemical Wedding” by Emily Balivet The Chymical Wedding of Christian Rosenkreutz:

Introductory paragraph

The story follows the Passover and the seven days of unleavened bread exactly. The slaughtering and roasting of the Paschal lamb begins in the evening (near Easter), as does The Chymical Wedding. The Chymical Wedding begins in the evening with CRC sitting at a table with both the Paschal Lamb and the unleavened bread. This would seem to indicate that CRC was Jewish. However, the words "Father of Lights" are curiously in the first paragraph. This phrase, "Father of Lights" appears only once in the King James Bible and it is in the book of James (Jas 1:17). Below is the opening paragraph of The Chymical Wedding;

The nine Lords

The nine Lords are nine books of the New Testament, I Peter, II Peter, James, Jude, I John, II John, III John, the Gospel of John, and the Revelation. CRC believed that the Gospel of John is the only gospel that is historically plausible, and that it is the unleavened bread and its relationship to the Passover that truly divides John's gospel from the synoptic Gospels. The nine lords were bound together with the rest that were at the table (27 total) and CRC cried.

The four paths

In the second chapter CRC sits down to rest under three tall cedars. There is a tablet fastened to one of them which tells of four paths. An important point is that it's the Bridegroom (Bible) that is offering these paths. It reads as follows: The first path leads to rocky places and this is reminiscent of Peter, "the rock" as he's portrayed in the synoptic gospels. The second path in the text is the path taught in John's gospel, as CRC is told not to turn to the left or right on this path and John's is the only account not to mention two men crucified to the right and to the left of Jesus while on the cross as thieves (John 20:18). The third path would be the general letters of Peter, James, Jude, and John. In the letter of James we find reference to the royal way or royal law (Jas 2:8). In the second letter of Peter we find the only reference to one in a thousand (II Pet 3:8). The fourth path is the letters of Paul. This is where one finds the teaching of the dead raised incorruptible (I Cor 15:52), and the only place that the word "consuming" appears in the New Testament (Heb 12:29).

The story then continues, Whereupon I presently drew out my bread and cut a slice of it. It shouldn't go unnoticed that, after reading this tablet, CRC cuts the bread. Symbol XXIV of the symbols of Pythagoras indicates "Never break the bread". Bread is broken in the gospels of Mark, Luke, and Matthew; however bread is never broken in John's gospel. Bread is also broken in the letters of Paul and the Book of Acts; however bread is never broken in the general letters of Peter, James, Jude and John.

As the story proceeds it's evident that CRC took the second path with the following words, yet I still proceeded with my compass, and would not budge one step from the Meridian Line. Meaning that CRC didn't turn to the left or right. It's also noteworthy that CRC says, "I patiently took up my cross, got up onto my feet". Only in John's gospel did Jesus bear the cross. It was Simon of Cyrene who bore the cross for Jesus in Mark, Luke and Matthew's gospels. But at the same time in Mark's gospel Jesus offered a man "take up the cross, and follow me"(Mark 10:21).

[that-ari-blogger]

An Interesting Character

Usually, when character is brought up in discussion, it is in reference to the people. If you think of the characters of The Owl House for example, you probably think of Luz, Eda, Bellos, Hunter, and Principal Bump.

But, by pure mechanics, a character is just a force at work in a story. One with personality, and agency, sure, but it's just a force.

This means that, if you squint a little, the Boiling Isles itself is a character, and the Wild Magic is an extension of that. It certainly gets treated like a character by the story, especially in Adventures In Elements.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Before I start, let me give one attempt to argue with the pedants. By definition, a character is a person. So, hear me out, the Boiling Isles is literally the body of a titan, who actively talks to Luz later on in the series. That is my justification.

So... why is wild magic a thing?

I'm not asking for an in-universe answer, because that is multifaceted and not really the point. I'm asking why the writers decided to include this idea, and what effect it has on the story?

The phrase "magic is..." is used four times in this episode. Once by Eda, and thrice in quick succession by Luz. And it is worth taking a look at these statements.

"I know my lessons seem weird, but this is what wild magic is all about! Making a connection with nature. The earliest witches understood that. Human witches need to understand it, too. You wanna learn a second spell? ... Then you have to learn from the island."

There is a lot going on with Eda's guidance. First up is the small detail about the tense. The earliest witches knew that magic is about nature, implying now it is different. But mainly, this is an explanation of the nitty gritty of The Owl House's magic system. It's about two things, nature and connection. And I want to delve into that a little bit.

There is something fascinating about Bellos and his roots in witch-hunting. Because that was specifically defined by an opposition to things, rather than any actual views of its own.

Malleus Maleficarum, the book that kicked off the witch-hunts is a fascinating read, as long as you understand what it is that you are reading and don't use it as a set of instructions. Internet Archive has a translated version by Prof. Christopher S. Mackay, complete with commentary from latter authors that I highly recommend.

This single book caused a ton of harm to people, and you can examine it from almost any angle you like. The original was written by a terrible person with terrible intentions, and I also recommend Overly Sarcastic Productions' video on Werewolves for more information on that section of history.

What I want to focus on is the vernacular. References "devils" about 400 times and namedrops "witches" with similar regularity. The word "demon" comes up over 1000 times, and the word "pagan" comes up about 40 times. Specifically in reference to "pagan nations" which is about as racist as it sounds, as well as a ton of using the word as a catch all insult ("x type of person is worse than a pagan", etc. etc.). I don't want to get into the theology and history of this word, because it's a complicated minefield. But in this context, specifically around Europe in this time period, it means just about all regional faiths and mythologies. Celtic, Norse, Germanic, and several others.

Fun fact about me, I am Welsh, which means is that I have a connection to Welsh mythology, and so my analysis of wild magic is through that lens. If you have an understanding of other similar cultures, let me know, I'm fascinated to learn how that affects the reading of the Owl House.

Now, Modern Druidism is a living religion that I am not well versed in and want to treat with the respect befitting any living faith. So, I am sticking to what I know about the history and mythology and trying to make the differentiation between those two and Modern Druidism clear.

So, Druids in Celtic mythology are religious leaders, and peacekeepers. But what is possibly the most famous thing about them is their connection to nature. And here is where the analysis of The Owl House comes into play. Because the Owl House takes great care to associate magic with the natural, and Bellos with the unnatural.

"It means magic is a gift from the island. It means magic is everywhere. Magic is everywhere!"

Bellos creates artificial magic through his artificial staff and the destruction of the Palismen to fuel his life. Hunter wields an artificial staff, and in Adventures In Elements, Amity trains with an artificial training wand, which is linked to Bellos through the coven system.

But you would think that Luz's runes would also count as artificial. So what gives?

This episode shows them as part of nature more than the more refined spell circles. Luz's magic is that connection to the island in its purest, rawest form, and as I have said before, Luz's greatest strength is her ability to connect.

The dynamic between Wild Magic and Coven Magic isn't a dynamic between the artificial and the natural, it's a dynamic between empathy and utilitarianism. Wild Magic borrows, or is gifted, Coven magic takes and uses for its own ends. They are similar concepts, but it's in the minutia that the meaning comes out.

Final Thoughts

There is one final thing that Wild Magic reminds me of, and its off on a limb a bit. I currently live in Australia, and while Aboriginal spirituality is varied and complex and not my story to tell, I have been gifted this piece of advice that I would like to share: Humans don't own the land, we are a part of it, just as the trees and the beasts and the storms and the fires. Humans are mere custodians, our duty is to watch over and protect, and to connect.

I thought that was relevant.

I am away next week, but I'll be back in the new year with some analysis of The First Day, so stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

[pigeonflavouredcake]

How to reference in your grimoire

If you intend on sharing your grimoire with the public or you're a fan of a more academic style of writing then you're gonna want to reference your sources to avoid any kind of plagiarism.

You may have already learned how to reference at your college/uni, in which case follow that method, but if you haven't let me show you what i've been doing in my grimoire.

The referencing style I was taught in my degree is a form of APA 7th edition. This style is best for essays and small research papers and since my grimoire is essentially a bunch of mini contextual essays stuck together I thought it was appropriate.

Here's the format:

Author Surname, Author Initials. (Date of publication/release). Title of source: sub-heading/title of chapter. Publishing company/website. Place of publication/website link. [Format]

So for example, the book I'm currently reading is Buried by Professor Alice Roberts. If I were to reference this book in this format it would look something like this:

Roberts, A. (2023). Buried, An Alternative History of The First Millennium in Britain: Water and Wine. Simon and Schuster. London. [Book]

(Its up to you whether you decide to put the chapter before the book title, it doesn't make a difference, but I prefer doing it this way.)

This reference will need to follow an in-text citation. You can do that by adding a little number in parentheses next to your quote or paraphrase that corresponds to the number on your list of references OR you can make a mini reference following this method:

(Author Surname, Author Initials. (Date of publication). Page number if required)

So following this method an in-text citation would look like this:

(Roberts, A. (2023). p1)

Tips

If you are citing a source with multiple authors, organised them alphabetically by surname, your in text citation only needs to include the first one.

If you're referencing an online upload of an old source like Internet Archive or Project Gutenberg, include the original authors name first, uploaders name/ID second and mark which is which in parenthesis, then the date of original publication if you can find it, followed by the date it was uploaded to the site.

If you are referencing a film/TV episode, use the name of the director and include (Dir) next to their name.

If you can't find a date of publication/upload then write DNA instead.

Always put your references at the back of your grimoire. If your grimoire contains multiple chapters, group them by each chapter and then organise either alphabetically or chronologically. If your in-text citation uses numbers, organise your reference list chronologically. If you're using a mini reference, organise your reference list alphabetically.

This last bit is especially important for practitioners who intend to publish their work. Please please please do not skip referencing! I've read so many traditionally published witchcraft books who's authors don't do this or do it half-assed and I can't stand it.

Readers deserve to know where your information is coming from so they can be the judge on whether or not it's appropriate for them to practice themselves. Not doing so creates a cycle of ignorance among readers and new practitioners that encourages the spread of cultural appropriation, poor media literacy and poor historical and scientific understanding. Always cite your sources.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 5/14/2024

googled "sample bon mot" in a fit of desperation, considered asking chatgpt to generate me some for 0.2 seconds before the visceral BLEUGH reaction plus remembered that every query is like pouring a 16oz water bottle out on the ground, and figured this series of events would be a better intro than anything else i could come up with

listening

miya folick's Pet Body was off last week's spotify rec playlist. i had liked some individual songs by miya folick (singer/songwriter/alt/indie/dance/electronica) but now i gotta really dive into her discography-- this particular very peppy and upbeat song with dire lyrics is really clicking with me lately as my body overreacts to texas pollen and engages in other known misbehaviors.

the chorus, my god

Proper care and feeding for my pet body

and this verse

I'm just a brain with a pet body Out for a walk until I croak I'm just an ordinary subject In an ordinary book

as my mother used to say, i'm real fuckin sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!

-

reading

ough i need to vacuum. i picked up Mrs Vargas and the Dead Naturalist by Kathleen Alcalá for a dollar last summer bc 0) killer title 1) it was a dollar 2) cool cover 3) autographed 4) endorsed by le guin.

kind of fascinating as an object: weird little lesbian (?) boutique press that's still around, idk ive ever seen a notice about steps they took to ensure the longevity of the physical book before?

i find myself bouncing off latin and south american magical realism a lot bc i am not in those authors’ intended audiences/i do not have the background to fully appreciate them. i have a bachelors of science. and that’s fine bc that’s the point! this is one of the very few times post-college where i caught myself thinking “man i gotta find a class to take about this”.

even if i do not understand the wider cultural context or the real-life figures she obliquely references in many of these short stories (i am convinced the bird-voiced singer is based on a real singer), i do appreciate alcalá’s craft: true short stories, she makes her point and then ends it. the twist in Reading the Road specifically— woof that’s gonna stick with me for a bit. a perfect little o henry twist of the knife. i wanted so badly to link this specific short story but apparently nobody has used it to teach anything and the book itself is not widely available/on the internet archive/etc. u will have to find this story of a roadside fortune teller (who is current on all her business permits) and one day's fortune telling, by yourself perhaps through your library

-

watching

the prisoner, the seventeen episode british sixties tv cult classic. let's yoink the description from wikipedia.

The Prisoner is a British television series created by Patrick McGoohan, with possible contributions from George Markstein.[2] McGoohan portrays Number Six, an unnamed British intelligence agent who is abducted and imprisoned in a mysterious coastal village after resigning from his position.[3] The allegorical plotlines of the series contain elements of science fiction, psychological drama, and spy fiction.

number six shares a lot of traits with my cat philip marlowe, as they are both hell fucking bent on escaping and all attempts to restrain them just sort of train them to be better at the next attempt? as one might expect from a heavily allegorical sixties show, kind of heavy emotional going so im watching an episode every day or two.

why am i watching this? it's free on my library streaming service (and tubi), and i don't have a lot going on. i love one-season cancelled shows, i love Dad Media, unfortunately i was a navy brat and i do love some cloak and dagger shit. i LOOOOVE a fucked up little town and bureaucracy-as-cudgel. i actually came across this when i wishlisted the game We Happy Few back in 2018, another entry in the "creepy little british towns" genre. have yet to play it

-

playing

the cosmology and general backstory of genshin is convoluted as hell (The Gods are real and live in the sky, but some lowercase-g gods are also rulers of the seven nations in-game) but they have been foreshadowing a grand showdown since the very beginning of the game. one player character cannot de- or re-stablize so many regions and engage in so many power struggles without someone taking notice.

i did NOT, however, expect one of the regional god-rulers (purple) to start planning for this divine war in a side cutscene in a seasonal event. a seasonal event around rock n roll rhythm games. absolutely devastated i missed the pink fox lady's rerun right after i had to give my work laptop back and before i got the PC fixed. this game will not run on my iphone 12 for love or money

-

making

bit of a depression hovel situation going on. we are slowly rolling that back tho. finally met my landlord during the HVAC replacement debacle, he said that he bought this apartment in 2009, lived here for ten years, and then his parents lived here for a couple years. i am the first non-family tenant, i think. all of the appliances and fixtures are from 2009. i think the fridge will be the next to go. ANYWAY. i asked him what the deal was with the lack of bathroom vents and HE said when he had an air conditioner put in in 2009 the HVAC guy then assured him he only needed the HVAC vents and closed up the actual vents. which is a load of shit. i am not really excited to live here for another year but i really super can't afford to move and finding an apartment in houston the first time was such a goddamn nightmare. i cannot do three years tho. hopefully something will have changed by august 2025.

i have also, through a special cashback bonus reward on my credit card, a sale, a gift card, and cashing in more cashback money, acquired a cat tree for philip. modeled here by mackie bc we did room swapping again as i was writing this. i cannot be bothered to install curtain tiebacks or properly fold anything, as you can see below

[according2thelore]

omg i love that es sam post!!! imagine him “taking a break” from the three of them. he’s a jealous bitch and feels like they don’t even WANT him around, they all like each other better anyway!! cue Flagstaff Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

gosh!

if sam ran away, it would be an absolute shitshow, lol. i don't know if i think he would full-stop run away. i think maybe it would be a miscommunication--especially since for ES!Dean, stanford is so fresh and raw.

in my head, i'm picturing maybe ES!Sam steps out because he found a lead on a surprisingly non-BS book on time travel at a new-age bookshop a town over and gets stuck out overnight. and honestly, he's not that mad about it. he could do with a fresh night at a motel away from the Sammy and Dean show (and will not admit that it stings that he's not the 'sammy' in question). plus! sunlight! he hadn't realized how dark and damp everything is underground until he actually has a room with a window.

at first, as much as it sucks to admit, no one really notices at first. ES!Sam has really tried to distance himself from everyone (much more at the beginning of this ordeal than a few weeks in), and spends most days either archiving a storage room that LS!Sam told him about just to have something to do or in he and ES!Dean’s room avoiding them.

so LS!Dean is the first to notice. he's just had the idea to maybe reach out and offer the kid a grilled cheese for lunch. but...he can't find him. anywhere.

he goes to ask ES!Dean&LS!Sam who are tucked in next to each other in one of the armories, giggling, and LS!Dean gets distracted for a bit at how irritating--and honestly?? kind of arousing--they are together.

they "split up and look for clues" as LS!Dean puts it, quite excitedly, and ES!Dean kind of flushes like 'wow you're such a dork' but he's practically skipping down the hallway and LS!Sam rolls his eyes.

once their search turns up no sam...it's Hit Every Alarm Bell Time.

ES!Dean is the most freaked out. what if ES!Sam got taken back to the past without him? what if ES!Dean's stuck here? what if whatever brought them both to the present kidnapped him? he's guilty because he should've noticed it sooner. he's been spending so much time with LS!Sam that he didn't even notice his own little brother was missing for what? hours? dean's little brother is his whole thing! and he didn't even notice! not to mention stanford is still so fresh for ES!Dean that he's absolutely the most freaked out about the Lack of Sam, and therefore absolutely the least helpful.

LS!Dean is in the middle. that is to say, on a scale of 0 to rip the building apart brick by brick ("hey, stop it kiddo, he's not in the fucking walls." "shut up, old man!") he's a 7. a Missing Sam is a Missing Sam, okay? you could bring any dean (even squirrel dean) in and tell him this, and that's a category five disaster. and this sam is small!!!! and alone in the world!!!!!!! he's calling local hospitals and jails, before widening the search. he's probably even on "foot" patrol (patrolling motels and town with Baby) which he drags ES!Dean into, because that poor kid's fourteen seconds away from having three concurrent heart attacks.

LS!Sam checks ES!Sam's search history. he promises to do a more thorough up-and-down of the bunker, including investigating if any of their artifacts that they've got spilling out of old boxes in almost every room, have the power to transport people. but then, he sees the laptop in ES!Sam's room (kid has a FASCINATION, and LS!Sam cringes to think of a time before laptops were widely available). and okay, yeah. let's check his search history. after 'curious college twink gets ass ate large hunky man hunk bearded middle aged' and oh. okay. ES!Sam found internet porn. cool. (LS!Sam does not notice that the 'hunky man hunk bearded middle aged' has light brown hair and a strong jaw and does not remember the website and thumbnail. because that would be weird!) LS!Sam sees the bookshop.

he calls LS!Dean, and he comes back so they can all hop the town over to go collect him.

they find him immediately under "dean plant" at a motel on the edge of town closest to lebanon.

he's groggy because it's five in the morning. the storm from the night before has barely cleared, and the smell of wet concrete hits him before he's even full awake as the door slams open.

he's got three guns pointed at him (two identical ones, one significantly less scratched than the other; and the third is very familiar) and an ES!Dean that immediately falls upon him like a regency woman reuniting with her long-estranged husband returned after years of war.

LS!Sam keeps trying to calm the situation down with calm words and an annoyed glance at ES!Sam but mostly calm. and LS!Dean is just pissed.

"where'd you go? why'd you go? why are you here? the storm? yeah i guess it was kind of bad. but that's no excuse! oh they closed the bridge because of the flooding. well you could have called! no phone. hm. well. you can't go disappearing like that, kid."

and ES!Sam is kind of equally pleased and annoyed. because honestly, he didn't think they would really notice. he didn't think he was an integral part of this machine that they occupy. he thought he was the weakest link, but they chased him down (even if it was only twelve miles) and—

(and ES!Sam tries not to think it, but it reminds him of a sermon at the church he visited once a month with brady, before brady stopped going to church (the church that made sam's feet tingle as in his shoes as soon as he stepped on hallowed ground); about the shepherd chasing down the wandering lamb, and how fucked is it that sam's thinking, in part, about himself? some bigger, stronger, wiser version of himself bringing him back into the fold? it makes sam shudder a little, bc sam didn't even question the part about dean being god, just himself.)

and later that night is when ES!Sam gets his first "we"--LS!Sam pulls him aside after dinner, and says quietly,

"we can't disappear on dean, okay?" he's quick to continue, because he can see the beginning of ES!Sam's indignant protest. "it was an accident. and they shouldn't've freaked out like that. but we go through...a lot. and he needs us. even in 2006. and he's glad we're here."

ES!Sam shrugs him off, but later that night, when he says goodbye to ES!Dean, he says "goodnight jerk," and dean relaxes against the doorframe. and sam thinks, maybe this isn't the worst thing that's happened to them. not as long as they're all in it together.

every time i say "oh this ran away from me" and UGH! every time it's TRUE! flagstaff pt 2: electric boogaloo would end with a lot less tears and anguish on all parts involved, i think. but like any good sequel, it would increase the stakes (TWO deans losing their minds + a bonus sam!).

thanks for this ask, anon! my brain really took to it, lol!

-lizzy <3

[yakny]

GIVING YOU THE SUN, MOON, AND STARS

The various transformations the clouds, and the background as a whole, went through. Yeah :')

I do really enjoy the second version. Just the overall composition, and colors of it, are pleasant and eye catching to me. The clouds also feel bigger and fluffier, strongly compared to the first version of clouds, which just looked stormy and ominous—although that, in of itself, can add to a mood of blissful ignorance but, it was not one I was going for. Alas... alas.

Also, this page of Walter Wick's, I Spy Fantasy: A Book of Picture Riddles—which you can borrow on the Internet Archive library:

It is where the inspiration for the way I drew the clouds in the final versions came from. It is so whimsical and dreamy! This, right here, was my childhood, fellas. Indeed, it was.