#my sister is my favorite person in the whole world. I would donate my heart to her if need be. and everyone agrees she is a person.

[iloveaustinelvisandmannymore]

Stalker's Baby

Pairing: Austin Butler x reader ft Kaia Gerber

Warning: NONCON! Drugged sex, Enforced pregnancy, Stalker Reader, Dark reader, Breaking and Entering, Bondage, Blindfolding, Creampies, Obsessed Austin, Birth, Pregnancy, mention of Murder, Obsessed reader, Switch/submission reader, Dark humor, Degrading kink, Spanking, Dirty talk, Cockwarming, Austin wearing a necklace and rings during sex. ( yes, that is a warning.)

Summary: Your baby's fever has reached its full height, with a great-paying job you look up a sperm bank, and to your wonder, some big names had donated like Brad Pitt. But your favorite celebrity and obsession; Austin Butler hasn't. You'd be damned if you can't have his baby. ( can y'all see I want a baby really bad?)

A/N: I DO NOT condone this! This is purely fanfiction. I WILL NOT have hate. Don't read it if you don't like it. Hi my sweet doves, I would like to thank y'all for waiting patiently, was excited and looking forward. It took a little longer then I hope and I can't wait to see y'all reaction and before y'all might ask I will do sequel

You sighed, walking into your dull, lifeless apartment, dropping the keys into your key bowel and flopping down onto the brown sofa. You were exhausted, having followed your billionaire boss from meeting to meeting, and being hit on by snobby married rich men was exhausting, not to mention having lunch with your annoying sister and her deadly cute baby. It seemed every day you were reminded of how much you wanted a kid of your own. It's not like you had trouble picking up a man, but they just weren't him.

Austin Butler became your whole world the first time you had seen him, his blue sparkling eyes, that heart-melting smile, and oh his voice! he was the most addicting drug, the way he moved and how he put his soul into his acting was magical, his very being was mesmerizing. He was your unhealthy obsession and you loved every bit of it.

A bing brought your attention to your phone 'AUSTIN BULTER CLOSE BY ROSE CAFE.' That's the Cafe by your neighborhood, you grinned and hastily got up to get out of your tight pencil skirt and blouse into your gray hoodie with black leggings, a baseball hat, and dark sunglasses

You, fortunately, showed up before him, you bought coffee with a donut, taking a bite out of your dessert you looked around the cafe you have always been an observed person so much you're able to disappear, without a trance.

You hummed at the wonderful taste of the hot beverage and the sweetness of your favorite dessert, you go to take another sip when the man of your dreams strolled through the glass iconed door, the light of the mid-day sun shined on him like a gorgeous angel that was here to take you to heaven. You quietly chuckled at that thought 'I'm going far from heaven for what im planning to do.' you planned to finally get want you wanted, you had always put people above you, and you would take the blame for your brothers and sister, did everything you were asked, you ignored your wants and needs for so long and you refuse to keep it that way.

You took one last sip of your drink and swallowed the rest of your round sweet. You got up as Austin sat down at the table a few feet away, throw away your trash and look at him and left your favorite cafe. You need to hurry to get ready. It will be tonight to finally take what you wanted for what seems like your whole life on earth, everything must be perfect, it had and will to.

Austin stirred, feeling smooth hands slide down his chest and to his v-line"Mm~baby not now, you have to work tomorrow" Austin smirked lazily, eyes still closed as he tried to put his hands on Kaia's waist but a rope stop that from happening. Austin's blue eyes snap open "What? Who are you?!" his glaze switched to his girlfriend's side of the bed to find her peacefully asleep "Don't worry about her sweetheart, I just give her something to make her sleep better. I couldn't have her ruining my plans, you know?" you smiled tilting your head innocent-like. Austin opened his mouth to snap back but his jaw dropped a little and his blue orbs took notice of the beautiful light blue number on you, fitting your figure perfectly.

Austin cursed in his mind as he felt the similar heat of arousal, he needed to fuck something, he needed fuck you. "What did you do to me?" he barked "Oh, I give you something to boost your stamina and get you ready. After all, we need to make sure that I get pregnant." You showed him the needle before throwing it into a wall behind you "Fuck.. Take me out." "Huh?" "Take. Me. Out." Austin snarled jerking his hips hard, against your covered pussy with a whimper you took his big-hard long twitching dick, the head a pretty shade of pink, his cock was a good 7-inches and thick, your mouth watered it was better than you had ever imagined but you took to long for Austin's tastes.

"Ride me. Now," he growled and glared at you through his low-lidded eyes, you quickly nodded and ripped your thong off, you let his tip slide up and down your soaking folds then lined him with your wet-hot velvet walls, you took him inch by inch till he was completely inside. Austin choked down a groan as you bounced and grind on his dick, he throw his head back, closed his baby blues, and pulled at the ropes, Goddamn your pussy was so tight, tighter than Kaia's, and each time you bounced, your cunt would clench down on his sensitive member as if afraid he'd disappear.

He's so close to busting, he couldn't keep quiet his moans and groans as you started slammed down at each bounce, with sometimes a roll of your hips "Fuck!" Austin hissed watching you plant your hands between his spreading legs and use that momentum to ride him faster and harder. The view of you swallowing his dick inside pushed him over "Fuck yes!" you cried as he panted and filled you, sweat covering both of your bodies, eyes locked in a passionate, lustful glaze.

Austin had got his breath before you, he watched your breasts move with every breath, he needed more, wanted more he open his legs wider and planted his feet against the mattress. He dragged his tongue across his bottom lip and used the strength in his feet and thrusted upward, he barely let you react with his hard thrusting and a smug smirk resting on his face, his gaze locked on your breasts that were trapped in your laced bra.

"Take your bra off," Austin grunted rolling his hips, and a gasp left you as you hurried to do what he ordered, the bra dropped onto his torso, fuck your boobs were beautiful he wanted to squeeze them, slap them, suck and nibble at your nipples. He wanted to slap your ass until it bruised for making him want for you, he wanted to you let him out so he could turn you and plow you into his shared bed until you're begging, and pushing him to stop but he wouldn't until he empty all his cum into you.

"Let me out." he commanded in a groan, his cock began to slam into your cervix "N-no." you cried, shaking your head no and from this pleasure, you never felt before. Austin uses his leverage to pound at a punishing speed and you came all over his dick so much some landed on the bed beside Austin, and you let out a loud moan when a harsh thrust pushed you onto Austin's chest, your lips and tongues met in a dance, his hips stuttered, spilling his seed into your fertile womb. The kiss kept going, his tongue licked against yours, and you were able to distract him enough that you reached for the third needle which had a safe sleeping drug, on the bedside table and gently put it in his shoulder Austin jumped when you pulled it out and back where you had it "What..was..in..that?" his words slurred, his eyes already closing.

You placed a kiss on his forehead as he succumbs unconscious, you reluctantly got off him, grabbed the plug you brought, and put it into your pleasantly-sore pussy to keep his hot cum inside, then you quickly put all three needles in a plastic pencil case and walked over to your duffle bag. Tossing the case and putting on the black hoodie with black booty shorts you pick the cleaning rag, your hunting pocket knife, and the rash cream. You set the items on the bedside table kneeled and began to clean your combined cum off Austin's still-hard cock, you got done and folded the rag tossed it by your bag then you picked up the knife and cut Austin's hands-free, and finally rubbed in the cream onto his red wrists.

You kissed both his palms then stuffed everything into the large bag, wrap it around your shoulder, rushed to your car, throw the duffle bag in the backseat, and sat down in your driving seat. Once you arrived and made it up to your apartment, you check everything you need before you left in an hour with your boss you couldn't stay here if Austin reported you, that's why you made sure to get every single piece of evidence that could be traced to you and even stop hacking his phone. Two large duffle bags on the couch, one filled with clothes, the 10k your boss provided, and identity-changing papers, the other was filled with things you swear you can't live without.

You had to make sure if he did, they wouldn't be able to find you, so you started breaking plates, glasses, and lambs you pushed your TV off the stand and busted one of your windows. Grabbing a knife you walked to your bedroom and made it look like you were fighting for your life. You sliced the side of your hand, letting your blood drip onto the floor before bandaging the wound, you inhale and looked around, you were gonna miss this place but it was time to move on. You grab the three bags and drove to Ki's private jet. 'Hawaii here I come.'

You sang softy to your 8-month baby boy as you got up from your rocking chair and laid him into his little crib, it was hard at first moving from everything you knew but you were lucky that your boss, now best friend ki went with you, you asked for a bit of money so you could move and to quit but imagine your surprise when he said he wanted to expand from his parent's old company why not to Hawaii? It was set after that night you would escape to Hawaii, you were expected to hear Austin telling the media what happened but you saw nor heard anything which you of course you was grateful for, Ki had brought you a cozy house, car, and everything you needed for you to continue to work for him.

Being pregnant with Hudson wasn't easy, sure ki helped but you wanted Austin, and that was insane he hated you, he probably wanted you to die for what you did, he wouldn't love you or his son. You smiled sadly and walked into the kitchen to get water to drink, you finished the water with a large sip when you felt a lanky arm wrap itself around your waist, the cup in your hand dropped to the floor and you opened your mouth to scream but a hand clasped it "It's not that easy to get away." A deep raspy voice whispered in your ear and pushed his hard-on against your barely t-shirt-covered ass " I couldn't get off you know, no matter how many times I fucked Kaia or some woman I could cum at the thought of you." he hissed bucking his hips, you let out a whine already feeling your wetness ran down your leg.

"You were hard to find, not until I saw the news about your fucking boss's new business down here and what do I see? you, my pretty little stalker right by him," Austin hissed, pushing his pants down and slamming his cock into your pussy, his hands on your waist "Mm fuck." you mewled as Austin used your hips to fucked you harder muffled pants and moans along with skin clapping against skin surrounded the living room and a whimper stopped Austin med-thrust, he looked at the open nursery entrance with the sudden realization, a little cry is what made him move, he took one step as he slammed into forcing you to walk to keep your balance.

"Should we check on your baby? Like a good mama?" Austin mocked, he showed no mercy with his pounding not even as you stand above your still-sleeping baby holding onto his crib which rocked from the power behind Austin's hips "P-please, not ah here." you plead holding on to his hands, moans low, to not wake up Hudson, lucky Austin decided to show mercy to you and fucking you out the room "Where's your bedroom?" he granted biting your neck "down the hall." you squint your eyes shut as you felt your upcoming orgasm, it seemed in no time you stood before the edge of your queen-size mattress and without warning, Austin pushed you on the bed his cock slipped out with wetting pop, you moved to lay on your back, and lifted yourself on your elbows to watch what your obsession will do to you.

His eyes were a striking electric blue, his intense gaze made it hard to look at him. His hands rip his shirt off , and the motion causes his glistening golden chain to smack against his collarbone leaving just his naked body, chain, rings, and a black silk bracelet. No, it wasn't a bracelet but a blindfold, your breath hitched as he untied it from his wrist, his eyes never looked away from you "Take the shirt off." He finally spoke, breaking intense sexual tension, you took the shirt and throw it somewhere in the room as he got onto the bed, putting himself between your legs, blindfold in hand. Sitting up on your hands you are mesmerized by this beautiful man, his long fingers made work to tie the silk around your eyes "Relax." he whispered into your ear as he gently manhandled you to lay on your side with him behind you, he lifted your leg and the room was silent for only a moment until he plunged his cock inside, hitting your cervix, pushing you over with a sobbing wail, his rough pace returned.

He grips hard on your thigh, drilling into your abused vagina, pants, and growls leave him, it felt so good, he needed your pussy to survive, he'd lose his mind if he can't have this, you "You wanted a baby so bad right?" his hips thrusted upwards, causing stars to dance around your blacked vision "I'll give you another" he groans, turning you over on your stomach, his thighs spread yours wider, his forearms rested by your head, his sweaty chest against your hot back, his chain cooled down your nape and his balls left a sting sensation you welcome on your folds and clit. "Fuck." Austin moaned, throwing his head back, his eyes rolled back and his wet golden-sandy locks clung to his forehead as his rutting become sloppy "Please. cum, I want another baby." you whine, and a familiar warmth painted your womb "Oh God," Austin let a shaky breath, a blissed out smile on his pink lips as you untie the blindfolded.

Austin hasn't felt at peace since he had you nothing could satisfy him, not Kaia nor any women after, he had to force himself to cum each time. The only time he truly could cum was the panties you left funny how you got everything like you weren't even there but those, he washed them off course but it wasn't enough he needed the real thing. He searched for you, the disdained he felt as he watched the news about a rich young man that was starting a new company business bout for knows what just as he was gonna switch the channel when his mystery stalker, heavy pregnant mind you—handed the rich boy some notes for his speech. His rage met a new high that day and it didn't help with Kaia coming storming in with your underwear accusing him of cheating and spilling how she cheated on him multiple times well he saw white. He didn't know he did it until he was washing the blood from his hands, he buried her with a patch of flowers, her favorites, and it made him look like he took up gardening. Luckily he heard where to find you.

Austin hooked his arm around you and moved you both to lie on your sides, his cock still nestled deep inside "Goodnight baby." he chuckled, kissing the back of your head as he slowly fell asleep, cuddling your already asleep self.

You woke up with a little bit of a startle as everything that happened last night came flooding to you "You okay,baby?" Austin said tiredly and kissed your neck his arm still keeping you against him, his body heat warmed you in the otherwise cold room. You smiled softly, it was happening, your dreams were coming true. " Can I see my child now?" Austin asked "Yes." you giggled.

Taglist: @galaxygirl453, @plasticfantasticl0ver, @pennyroyalcreep, @blond3do1ly, @heavn666, @kittenlittle24, @mollyg25, @18lkpeters, @eddiesgorlie, @purejasmine, @godlypresley, @kendralavon7 .

(@galaxygirl453)

[seasonsofeverlark]

$1 Smooches

Author: @alliswell21

Prompt: Everlark and a Kissing Booth [submitted by @mandelion82]

Rating: G

Author’s Note: Modern AU. ~1600 words _____________

“That game was rigged!” Katniss seethed.

“Lower your voice, Brainless! Do you want the carnies to curse you? I don’t, I’m standing right next to you!” Johanna hissed, slapping a hand over Katniss’ mouth. 

“I’m sure carnival workers consider that a derogatory term,” Prim sighed, done with her companions silliness.

“Anything is offensive nowadays,” said Johanna, winded, after Katniss shoved her away. 

Katniss scowled, giving another shove for good measure, “Cut it out, Johanna!”

Prim rolled her eyes. “You are aware, this is a charity event benefiting the hospital I work for, right? all booths are operated by volunteering hospital employees, which means the ring-the-bottle game wasn’t rigged,” Prim stared pointedly at her sister, “and nobody is getting cursed!” She glared at Johanna next, “Behave!”

There was nothing Katniss hated more than disappointing her baby sister. “I’m sorry, Prim, we’ll be better,” Katniss glared at her friend, “Right Jo?” 

“Fine! But I demand a greasy, deep fried treat, and a big sugary drink to go with it!” 

“Yay!” Primrose clapped, hooking her slender arms through her sister and friend’s elbows, “Lets have some fun!”

The trio came to a food booth, Prim piped in, “I’ll ordered us a funnel cake and two giant lemonades, you guys go find another game, I don’t mind waiting in line,” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah…and then we can go to the booth my department set up. My favorite nurse in the whole world is manning it!”

Katniss and Johanna walked past the inflatables and the bouncy castle, trying not to bump into families with rambunctious children, and then, they saw a ridiculously loud-excuse-of-an-eyesore-shack painted in pepto pink, decked to the gills with giant red and pink hearts sprouting from every corner of the stand, and a large, white sign crowning the top, announcing: “$1 Smooches”, spelled in blinking light bulbs, with a neon yellow arrow pointing downwards.

“A kissing booth?” Johanna arched her eyebrows, curiously. 

The queue to the booth was very long and to Katniss’ surprise, composed mostly by female patrons. 

“What. Is. that?!” Gasped Johanna, pointing to the booth while fanning herself with her free hand. Without further comment, Jo grabbed Katniss’ hand and marched straight for the kissing booth line.

“What—?”

“Come on Brainless, I have two singles in my wallet and a tube of chapstick ready for the hunk selling kisses!” 

Katniss was momentarily confused, until she saw a muscular man with a boyish, lopsided smile, taking a crisp dollar bill from a very enthusiastic woman; a second later, the man puckered up his pink lips, and leaned forward, just outside the big window of the booth, forearms flexing deliciously against the sleeves of his polo shirt; a wayward curl of his ashy blonde hair fell over his forehead in just the right way.

“Oh!” Katniss gulped, falling into step with her best friend. 

The line advanced impressively fast, for how long it was. In a matter of minutes, which was truly appreciated, since nobody particularly enjoyed being sandwiched between the baking sun and the suffocating blacktop of the lot. The girls were second to next line, but Johanna started sneezing uncontrollably, thanks to the cigarette smoke of a passerby. 

“Ugh! This is a hospital’s parking lot! A no smoke zone!” Jo rasped angrily, “Here!” She shoved a balled up wad of cash into Katniss’ hands, and before her friend could stop her, she went after the smoking a-hole, to rip him a new one. 

Katniss found herself at the front of line very suddenly, and the man beckoned her forward, lopsided grin, so inviting, she stepped up without consciously deciding to.

The man studied her quizzically for a moment, “Hello, there,” he greeted, “Are you an employee at Panem General, or are you a guest? You look familiar,” he said.

“Guest,” Katniss answered, a little too fast. She stepped backwards, rethinking her situation, the woman directly behind her, gave her a weak push forward, to keep her from stepping on her toes. 

The man looked at the ball of cash in Katniss’ hands and smiled brightly. “Would you like to make a donation to Panem General’s pediatric wing? Every dollar counts,” he said softly.

Katniss nodded bashfully, not really understanding his words, too preoccupied with how velvety soft the man’s voice was. She handed him the whole wad, which apparently was $5 in crinkled $1 bills. 

The guy took only one, and placed the rest of the money on the counter, next to Katniss’ hand, before leaning forward to brush his lips against Katniss’. 

There was no telling how long the kiss lasted, but judging by the aggravated buzzing of complaints coming from behind Katniss, it had been long enough to warrant an annoyed calling out.

“Hey! Stop holding up the smooches!” 

Katniss opened her eyes, shifting down to the ball of her feet. She hadn’t realized she’d closed her eyes and stretched on the tip of her toes during her kiss. She stared at the guy, who looked slightly dazed as he admired her back; his smile seemed even more crooked than before. 

“Oh my gosh, you found our booth!” Prim cried out, startling Katniss. “Oh, and you met nurse Mellark!” 

“What?!” The crowd behind Katniss grew restless and annoyed by the second. “I haven’t met any nurses—“

Katniss peered back at the booth suspiciously, expecting to see this nurse her sister spoke so much about, but the only person currently in the booth was the kissable blonde man, watching his sister with arched brows and surprise in his deep blue eyes. 

“Hi, Peeta!” Prim waved, the guy in the booth waved back, but the next person in line stood in front of him, blocking his view.

“Wait…” Katniss pulled Prim further out, before the mob of angry women throttled them, “That man is nurse Mellark?” She asked, pointing back as discreetly as she could; the man was looking at them with badly veiled concern, while still trying to do his job, as host of the smooching booth. “You mean to tell me, the handsome man kissing half the fair is the nurse Mellark you’re always gushing about, with the home baked cookies and the cute little drawings for the oncology patients?” Her gray eyes x-rayed her sister.

“Uh, yeah,” Prim sounded a bit too nonchalant. “He’s amazing, let me tell you,” she sort of mumbled, studying her cuticles. 

“Hey! What did I miss?” Johanna came back munching on a box of nachos, swimming in melted cheese. “Oooh! Elephant ear!” She said, snatching the funnel cake Prim was holding awkwardly. 

“Primrose forgot to mention that her most favorite nurse in the whole world is a HE!” Katniss snapped. 

“What?!”

“What’s so wrong about that? Men can be nurses,” Prim shrugged.

“But you didn’t tell me he was a man!”

“Well, you didn’t tell me you were a sexist pig, Katniss.”

“I am not!” 

Johanna giggled, stuffing her face with fair food. 

“Nurse Mellark is a great care provider who loves children and does his absolute best to bring joy during the worst time of our patients’ lives…What does it matter if he’s a guy? He’s great! What did you expect anyway?” Prim countered defensively, stubbornly.

“I don’t know! An elderly lady, with lots of motherly wisdom or something… I mean, every time you talked about nurse Mellark, you mentioned delicious homemade pastries, and finger paints, and sweet bedtime stories… I never pictured nurse Mellark to be so…”

“Manly,” Johanna finished, looking at the man in the booth, dreamily, finally having caught on. “He’s more of a tall tree trunk I’d like to climb like a koala bear in heat… now where’s my cash, brainless, my lips are ready for some smacking,”

“Johanna!” Katniss growled, but her friend waved her off. A thought occurred to her just then. “Prim…” Katniss whispered into her sister’s ear, “Are you…okay with this?” She said motioning to the 20 or so women in line. “Are you okay with all these people kissing nurse Mellark?” 

Primrose’s lips twitched, “Why wouldn’t I be? This booth was sort of my idea… it was actually more about  Doctor Odair selling the kisses, but nurse Mellark was very good sport, volunteering, ” She rolled her blue eyes. 

“Mmm… I just thought, maybe you had a thing for him?”

“For Peeta?!” Prim said loudly, before laughing hysterically. 

Katniss’ eyes shifted everywhere, and to her chagrin, the man in question— Peeta, apparently— looked up at his name.

“Not so loud!” Katniss hissed, but got interrupted by a booming voice. 

“Ladies, it is time for me to take a break.” Announced nurse Mellark— Peeta— A chorus of disgruntled patrons filled the air, but the man raised his hands placatingly, “Not to worry everyone, my pinch hitter, Doctor Odair, is ready to take over!”

As if by magic, the most attractive man Katniss had ever seen in her life— besides the beautiful male nurse, of course— popped from beside nurse Mellark and a collective swooning sigh rapped over the small crowd. 

Prim laughed. “Come on, I’ll introduce you guys properly. You’re going to love Peeta!”

“Hell no! I’m paying double for the new guy! You gals go ahead,” Johanna called, wolf whistling at the newcomer, waving two dollar bills in the air. 

A moment later, Prim had dragged Katniss to meet her most favorite nurse, secretly crossing her fingers as she made introductions…she thought Peeta and Katniss were perfect for each other, and she wholeheartedly hoped they would kick it off right away, so when she was wrinkly and white haired, she could tell her grand nephews and nieces the story of how their grandma paid a dollar to kiss their grandpa for the very first time. 

[foilfreak]

BEAUTY AND HER BEAST: Chapter 8

WARNING PLZ READ BEFORE CONTINUING: This fic is rated NSFW and contains graphic depictions of things some people may find disturbing or alarming, including, but not limited to: violence, gore, unhealthy family relationships, Oedipus complexes, gratuitous amount of pornographic literature, ableist language, physical, mental, and emotional abuse, etc. If you are someone who does not enjoy fiction with these elements in them, then I suggest you refrain from reading this, because this fic will have all that, and probably a lot more. So, this is your first and final warning to turn around and go somewhere else if stuff like this just isn't your vibe, because from this point forward, your emotional wellbeing is in your own hands, and I will not be accepting blame if you disregarded my warnings and ended up reading something you didn't like. Idk why I feel compelled to write one of these despite this being Resident Evil fanfic, but I figured I'd cover my ass just in case.

(AO3 Link Below:)

Several days had passed since Salvatore had sought out both his younger sisters, requesting items like jewelry or clothing they’d be willing to part with that Salvatore could gift to Nadine, as a sort of soft and informal introduction to ease the young woman’s mind and prove he meant her no harm.

The plan seems to be going rather well, as far as Salvatore can tell. Nadine found the gifts he’d laid out for her rather easily, and even correctly wondered if the person who lived here had left them for her purposefully. She seemed wary of the items for a time, though she seemed pretty wary of everything in the reservoir at the moment, but eventually she deemed them safe enough to accept, throwing the long white nightgown Salvatore had procured from Donna over her petit azure frame, and strapping the delicate golden locket Alcina had graciously donated around her neck.

Salvatore practically drooled when he first saw Nadine, slightly sheer satin nightgown flowing elegantly in the gentle afternoon breeze and golden chain glittering beautifully against her white speckled, ocean blue skin. She looked like a goddess, a true figure of pure ethereal power and beauty. Even the biting cold of winter wasn’t enough to touch the young woman, shielded and protected by her own glowing radiance.

Despite looking every bit like an other-worldly deity worthy of unending human devotion and worship, Nadine’s face held nothing but fear, anxiety, and loneliness as she aimlessly wandered the seemingly empty docks and windmills surrounding the reservior’s watery interior. An occasional dejected “hello?” still echoes out throughout the reservoir every few hours, growing less and less hopeful with each passing round of silence Salvatore spends hiding away from view.

The disfigured man’s heart twists and stabs in pain every time he cowers away from Nadine’s soft, anxious calls, desperately wanting to comfort the young woman in her moment of confusion and fear, but still so terrified of her inevitable reaction to his appearance that he finds himself unable to do anything but skitter shamefully to his room beneath the surface and try to drown her out with one of his old romance films.

How pitiful.

Salvatore spends much of his time lamenting and pitying himself over his soul crushing loneliness and his intense desire for a love of his own, and yet here he is, taking refuge in an old romance film while he hides himself away from the real woman he could be making his own romance film with, were he not a massive coward and a horrific freak of nature unworthy of anyone’s love and affection, of course. What a cruel irony it is, to have the one thing you want, more than anything else in the world, dangled just inches in front of your face, and yet knowing, before you’ve even tried, that it’ll never be yours.

Salvatore knows that no matter how much of a romance story this whole situation might seem like, Nadine will never be able to love him in the way the gorgeous women in the movies love their tall, dashing, dark-haired lover men. Not only was Salvatore the exact opposite of tall and dashing by literally everyone’s standards, but his patches of dry, greasy dark-hair did little to salvage the violent wreckage that was Salvatore’s whole appearance.

There was absolutely no way Nadine would ever be able to love someone as hideous as Salvatore, so perhaps the best thing to do would be to contact Miranda and inform her that, while he greatly enjoyed his gift, Salvatore didn’t feel he would be able to appreciate her in the way she deserved to be appreciated in all her beauty and wonder, and that perhaps it would be better for Mother Miranda to find better arrangements for her elsewhere.

“I-it’s for the b-best… i-i think… a-after all… Nadine… d-doesn’t want t-to live i-in a d-dingy place… l-like this for… for the r-rest of h-her… l-life… m-much less with… w-with someone l-like me… s-she’d hate th-that… im c-certain” Salvatore laments aloud, dipping his head downward as tears of painful realization and sorrowful acceptance pour down his face like waterfalls of lonely depression, already fully set on contacting Mother Miranda as soon as morning came.

“While it's very kind of you to keep my best interest in mind, I do think I am more than capable of making my own decisions regarding what’s the best place for me, thank you very much” a soft voice responded suddenly, causing Salvatore’s head to whip in the direction the sound was coming from in startled shock. “This place is a little rundown, sure, but the windmills still stand tall and the water is always just the right temperature, so I don’t think this would be the worst place to live, if I had to… so long as I wasn’t alone, at least.”

Even in the dimly lit area located at the end of the hallway, Nadine still looked so gorgeously stunning and elegant. It was incredible how she managed to sound so casual and yet look so ethereal.

In the brief moment before his panic set in, Salvatore couldn’t help but pause and marvel at the spot down the hall where the young woman stood, her gaze locked directly onto him and yet she showed no signs of having seen him. She even went as far as to begin moving about behind the large boards that blocked her from entering the room, clearly trying to get a better look at the room and, more importantly, the person she suspects is in it.

After a surprisingly large jump that launched Nadine all the way up to the ceiling, just narrowly avoiding hitting her head, Salvatore’s eyes grew wide and his mouth hung open in stupefied shock as the sight of Nadine, moving the way she was at the end of the hallway, brought to Salvatore’s mind a scene from one of his favorite romance films. In the particular scene Salvatore is thinking of, the actress’ character is an aspiring prima ballerina, and she’s having a brief moment of bonding with her fellow ballerina’s after a long, but successful performance. Dressed in a nightgown not too unlike the one Nadine is currently wearing, the ballerina is showing the others how to do other kinds of dance, like polka or Irish step dancing, but by the end of the scene the group of ballerinas are all merely jumping about the room excitedly, laughing and cheering while carelessly throwing themselves into the air, only to land gracefully back on their feet.

While not exactly the same obviously, the resemblance between Nadine and the absolutely stunning ballerina in the movie, in both silhouette and style of movement, was almost uncanny.

Stretched out as high as her short legs would allow, strong and gorgeously defined muscles flexed almost instinctually with every rapid twist, curl, bend, and jump of the young woman’s tiny body. Her lucious silhouette was only aided by the feminine aura of the long, sheer nightgown as it trailed after her with every movement. The delicate satin material caresses the sharp ridges of her muscular back and shoulders with the same tenderness and love as it does the weight of her breasts or the pillowy layer of protection atop her midsection. The lower half of the nightgown, cinched just below the breasts, twisted and jerked in whatever direction was necessary to keep up with the speed at which Nadine was fluttering and jumping about upon the tips of her toes. Her legs were hidden by the ferocious speed of her movements, but Salvatore did not need to see her legs to have some idea of what they were, or perhaps merely could be, capable of.

Whether or not Nadine was actually a ballerina herself, or if Salvatore’s delusions were merely that realistic now, the young woman appeared to move with nothing but effortless grace that hides the raw power and physical strength it takes to float as carelessly and as quickly as the young woman was, clearly growing more and more frustrated the longer her search failed to reveal what she was looking for.

Still paralyzed by the sudden presence of Nadine in his personal space, Salvatore could do nothing but hold his breath and hope that the light at the end of the hall didn’t reach far enough to reveal his presence in the room. The TV was still on, but the movie playing on it had finished running long ago, meaning the only thing being displayed now was a static filled screen that proved someone had been here at some point in time, but thankfully wasn’t a dead giveaway from the start.

“Helloooooooo… I heard someone talking on my way in, so I know that someone is down here. Please… just come out, ok… I won’t hurt you… honestly” the raven haired woman begs softly, her movements slowing a bit to allow more of her air to be used for speaking rather than jumping to look over beams over and over again.

Salvatore’s heart ached at Nadine’s desperate tone, knowing all too well what the mutant woman is going through right now, but trying his best to remain strong, since giving in means dooming this perfect young specimen to a life of bitter misery and unending terror, regardless of the best effort he’d try to put in. Whatever short term gain Nadine could get from being with him would only come back to bleed her dry once Salvatore was sufficiently attached, and therefore unable to allow her to leave once she inevitably decides that she’s had enough of pretending to love a disgusting freak of nature.

Salvatore had never been very good at accurately predicting the outcomes of situations, but he knew for certain that Nadine was in no way deserving of the hellish punishment that living in the reservoir with him would undoubtedly become, if it didn’t start out that way from the beginning, that is. Perhaps the young woman could convince herself to accept her situation and play into his affections as a means of survival for a short time, but based on what he’s heard of Nadine thus far, Salvatore doubts such a strongwilled and dangerous woman would allow herself to play wife and sex slave to anyone for very long. If she didn’t somehow successfully murder him in his sleep within the first 48 hours of her “slavery”, it would only be a matter of time before she finally ran out of patience and unleashed... whatever the hell it was she did back in the labs, upon him.

For a brief moment, Salvatore entertains the question of whether Nadine could potentially be strong enough to take him out with a single hit, as well as whether that thought should be something he finds arousing or not. His thoughts are quickly interrupted however, by the sound of shuffling and grunting, and upon turning his head toward the sudden racket, Salvatore is horrified to see Nadine, just small enough to fit her tiny body between the thin cracks of the boarded up wall, attempting to climb through the barrier, and enter the TV room.

Body shaking and voice beginning to tremble slightly, alongside his already labored breathing, Salvatore unsteadily backed his way further into the room, putting his hands out in front of him as if to try and stop Nadine from entering, though he makes no move to physically eject the invading woman himself, oddly enough.

“N-nooo… p-please… don’t come i-in...” Salvatore stutters helplessly, shrinking further in on himself in fear as the young woman effortlessly slips through the wooden boards like a slippery eel, quickly and easily landing on her feet before turning back to the mostly darkened room.

“H-Hello?” Nadine calls out again nervously, taking a tentative step forward, both hands extended outward beside her until her left hand made contact with the wall. Gaining some purchase on the vertical slabs of wood, Nadine slowly turns her head to look about the room, carefully inspecting everything from atop the surface of Salvatore’s messy desk, to the very dark corner in the back right of the room that Salvatore himself was currently shoved as far into as physically possible.

Nadine stuck her arm out in front of her and began slowly walking toward the opposite wall, eyes open, but unfocused, and right hand waving aimlessly in the air for a brief moment, as though trying to feel around for the other wall despite it clearly being right in front of her. The hooded man had no idea how she hadn’t seen him yet, he could practically feel how absolutely ridiculous he looked, his bony, weathered, turtle-esque body hunched as low to the ground as possible with his chin tucked between his knees and hands covering the rest of his face, leaving only the smallest bit of space through which he could observe Nadine’s inevitable reaction to him. And yet, despite the amount of time the young woman spent glancing over Salvatore, back and forth across the room, her bright golden eyes resembling that of a ravenous alligator in their intensity and ferociousness, no scream left her plush lips nor did fear and horror suddenly mar her supple face. In fact, not only had the mutant woman not seen him yet, but it was in that exact moment that the reason why Nadine couldn’t see Salvatore, obviously shoved into the corner, just to her bottom left, became immediately clear to him.

“Y-You’re blind...”

[talkfastromance4]

Castaway (l.h)

Summary: In which Luke is left broken and untethered from a toxic relationship and Michael’s younger sister visits bringing her own light into his darkness.

Warnings: toxic relationship tendencies (fighting, throwing things), panic attack, smut, some swearing and I think that’s all

Word Count: 16.9K

author’s note: I’m so excited to finally share this with you! I started this fic about like 6 months ago and I finally finished it! I hope you enjoy it and feedback is always welcome❤

donate to my ko-fi here :)

Masterlist

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

• • • •

Growing up it was undeniable the infatuation Michael’s younger sister Emmeline (Emmy) had for one of his best friends, Luke Hemmings. She was shy on principle but when Luke was around it increased by tenfold. She stammered a lot and blushed like crazy, which resulted in Michael teasing her about it in secret but never in front of his friends, even though they knew.

Emmy was sweet, innocent and so short compared to the four of them they graced her with the nickname of Pipsqueak, or Pip for short. When the band left to tour for the first time, Emmy missed her brother like crazy. Being so close to Michael for so long and watching him be halfway across the world was hard.

Both of them had grown up without the other, and it took a toll on Michael as well as Emmy because he adored his little sister and facetimed as much as he could or called her on the phone. He’d relay the boys’ greetings to her until all three of them appeared in the shot acting like the goofballs that they were.

Emmy tried to keep her gaze on all of them but she always ended up staring at Luke. More often than not he’d be staring at her as well, his crystal blue eyes zeroed in on her until Calum did something completely ridiculous thus snapping Luke out of his trance. She loved seeing the ghost of his infectious smile appear, and she adored his shyness because she related to it. And then she’d be right back laughing with her brother and his best friends while they did wacky stuff to make her smile.

When the band went on their hiatus, they still didn’t come home so Emmy flew out to them after Michael informed her they’d been writing again. She’d finished school and pursued a job in childcare.

It’s been almost three years since they went in the shadows but Michael promised something was in the works. At the end of the summer she’d be joining them to Bali as well which she was really excited about.

Walking through the terminal she looked around for a sign of her brother’s artfully colored hair over the crowd of average height people and she spotted him.

“Mikey!” she squeals running steadfast to her brother.

“Ems!” he shouts in the same demeanor, his arms open wide and she lunges into them. He lifts her up, her feet dangling in the air as the siblings hug after so long.

“You changed your hair,” they say at the same time when he released her then they laughed.

He went back to his natural blonde and she dyed hers a pretty dark brown.

“I like it, dark suits you,” he comments picking up a strand in between his fingers.

“Thanks,” she smiles then glances around. “Where’s Crystal?”

“Cleaning,” he chuckles, “she wanted the house to be perfect for you when you arrived. I told her it’s just you but she wouldn’t listen.”

Emmy pouts, she hates when people go over the top for her, it’s not necessary and completely not worth the trouble.

“She didn’t—“

“I know,” Michael closes his eyes sighing. “Come on, people are beginning to notice me.”

“My brother the rock star,” Emmy smiles proudly but follows him as he takes her bags. The rest will be delivered to his house, she’s staying with him and Crystal for the summer and traveling to Bali with them and the boys.

“Other rock stars are excited to see you, too,” Michael mentions once they’re buckled in his car.

“I’m excited to see them, too,” Emmy smiles shaking her leg as if to showcase her anticipation. One in particular.

“If Luke seems a bit . . . standoffish, it’s not you. All right?”

“Because of what happened with . . . her?” Emmy makes a face.

Michael puffs his cheeks and blows the air out in exasperation. “Yeah. He’s been staying with Ashton. He’s still trying to bounce back to himself. Don’t say anything.”

“You know I won’t.”

“I know, you’re a good egg,” he reaches over and pinches her cheek, “Pipsqueak.”

•••••

Crystal is hugging Emmy before she’s even halfway through the door, Michael shuffling past two of his favorite people to bring in the luggage. Crystal is gushing over Emmy’s hair and telling her about the new sheets she got for her room because ‘you aren’t just a guest so it should be your room.’

“I’m so glad you’re here, the guys are coming over for a little welcome party for you. So if you need to take a nap or shower, please do, okay?”

“Okay, thanks Crys,” Emmy finally gets a few words in. She loves Crystal’s bubbly personality and it makes her a little more extroverted.

After her nap, Emmy heads downstairs and into the kitchen where she hears all the voices. When she enters, Ashton shouts “Pipsqueak!” and she’s bombarded with two tall men hugging and ruffling her hair.

“You haven’t grown at all, Pip,” Calum grins patting her head.

“Shut up,” she grumbles nudging his hand away but she’s laughing along with them. “You guys just have a weird genome make-up.”

“All right fancy pants,” Ashton chuckles. “Want a drink? We’re going out for the best steak in your honor but we need a drink beforehand.”

“Is that so?” she raises her eyebrows but follows them. She notices Luke standing off in the corner, his own mixed drink in his hand. Emmy falters when she sees him.

It’s been about 3 years and he’s grown. In many senses of the word. For one, he’s the tallest of the guys, even slouched over, his hair is a bit longer with hints of curls on the ends and he’s got a nice amount of facial hair. He’s still devastatingly handsome but Emmy can see the toll the breakup has had on him.

His eyes are bloodshot with dark circles underneath them, his cheeks are a little sunken in and his whole body language is screaming ‘despair.’ Emmy’s always been able to read the emotions off of others and it broke her heart to see Luke in this state. It made her uneasy but remembered what her brother said and forced herself not to draw attention to him but she gave him a small smile.

So instead, she pulled her attention back to Calum and Ashton who were fighting over what kind of drink Emmy would want.

“If you guys came home for my legal birthday you’d know I love Malibu and pineapple juice,” she teases.

Calum and Ashton look at each other then nod. “We’re ignoring that jab, Pip,” Ashton says, “but I’ll make that drink.”

From the corner of her eye, Luke’s watching the whole scene before him. She’s not hurt in the slightest from his lack of interaction, she can understand where he’s coming from. When he’s ready, he’ll make his presence known.

Hopefully.

After their cocktails are finished they head out to the restaurant. Luke somehow has a hat and sunglasses on as they enter the building. Clearly he doesn’t want his photo taken but the paparazzi are around and will take snapshots of what they want.

Emmy expected this, she prepared herself for the moment when the time came. But prepping your mind and actually experiencing it are two very, very different things. Instinctively, she went to Michael who tucked her under his arm immediately ushering her and Crystal past the photographers.

“I’d say you get used to it, but you really don’t,” Michael sighs.

“It’s fine,” Emmy shakes her head. But inside she was having a slight panic attack. How did they do this day after day? People calling your name and shoving a camera in your face?

Luke removed his hat and sunglasses following the group to the table in the private room upstairs. He hasn’t seen Emmy in a long time, but she’s still cute and tiny as ever. He wanted to say hi, he really did. He wanted to give her a hug and call her by the nickname they created for her, he really did.

But his wounds are still bleeding fresh and he doesn’t want to drop his toxicity on her who has always been her own little ball of light. He listened to the conversation, hummed or did a half smile at all the right parts. But lyrics and piano notes filled his head. He was itching to write but whatever he wrote always came out as garbage.

When dinner was over, they exited the restaurant but the photographers increased with some fans screaming. They all huddled together, with Luke bringing up the caboose and also right behind Emmy. He towered over her, and it’s because of that he noticed she was about to fall when he steadied her back on her feet. Some fans would do anything for a picture.

“Keep walking, Pip,” he told her still holding onto her waist to make sure she didn’t almost fall again.

Her head snapped to the side when the nickname slipped from his lips. She smiles up at him and without even thinking, Luke smiled back. Not a half smile but an actual smile. His long fingers hung lightly on her waist as he ushered her towards the car. He didn’t let go until she was safely in her seat, she flashes him another smile.

For the whole ride back to her brother’s house, Emmy’s skin still burned where Luke’s hands grabbed onto her. She’d thought after all these years, of her growing up, her crush on Luke had disappeared. But then he smiled at her and she was right back to where she started.

•••••

Luke has been in sort of a hazy daze since his horrendous break-up, he couldn’t sleep at his home so he crashed at Ashton’s a lot. Ashton kept him in check by watching his alcohol consumption and amount of weed he smoked, making sure it was kept at a minimal rather than a mess he did not want to clean up.

Ashton offered words of advice and encouragement but the youngest brother of his was like a shell, empty and void of color. When he looked at Luke, he paled in comparison to who he truly was. His exuberant color faded as soon as things began to go bad with Lea, they didn’t even get to be bad because it went straight to worse.

When they’d go out on the town it always ended with her stalking off with attitude and Luke would be his sweetest self, trying to figure out what was wrong. Then she’d get mad that he didn’t already know and they’d fight all the way back to his home, making the car ride extremely uncomfortable for the driver.

Then it went from worse to catastrophic at the snap of a finger, and it was at the fingers of Lea. She spit harsh words at him, degrading words, words that told him he was of no value and she finished her tirade with knocking over a potted plant and throwing a vase full of (now dead) flowers against the wall.

She threatened to leave him, and at that point Luke had no idea what the hell to do anymore so he let her. That caused another infamous Lea scene as she threw her things into a suitcase all while cursing his name and their relationship as she did so. Before she left in a tornado of cruelty, she yanked the chain around her neck that held Luke’s favorite ring he gave her and chucked it at him.

It hit his chest lightly, falling intricately and ironically into a figure eight at his feet. The door slammed and she was gone. And Luke was hollow.

It was nearing midnight when Ashton’s phone rang, Calum was over and they exchanged a look of worry when Luke’s face appeared on the screen. They knew it was something bad.

“Luke--?” Ashton answered right away but stopped when he tried to listen to his dear friend utterly breaking down. He could only get out a few choice words: left . . . Lea . . . gone . . . forever . . . necklace . . . fucking crazy . . .

Ashton did his best to soothe him over the phone all while motioning for Cal to call Michael and he picked up his keys.

He told Luke to breathe. He told Luke to count to ten and try breathing again. He told Luke he and Calum and Michael were on their way. He told Luke to hold on.

It was a disaster zone when they arrived. The big ugly potted plant (that Lea insisted on buying) was turned over on the floor, dirt spread everywhere. Broken glass scattered the floor as well, along with water and dead flowers and Luke was in the midst of destruction with his elbows on his knees and his face buried in his hands.

“Shit,” Ashton hissed running to him immediately. Calum called Michael again this time in a panic, his eyes wide at one of his best friends, his brother, coming completely unraveled in Ashton’s arms.

“Luke, Luke, listen to me, you can’t stay on the floor,” Ashton said trying to pry his fingers from his face. “Let’s go outside, yeah? You need fresh air.”

After some more coaxing, Luke finally heaved himself off the floor with the help of Ashton just as Michael came through the door. His eyes widened at what he saw, Ashton nodded to the mess then to them before ushering Luke out in the back. His hold on the younger boy’s shoulders were strong and present, ready and able to catch him if he fell.

Calum and Michael got to work right away cleaning up the mess Lea left behind. Michael picked up the necklace setting it on the countertop. They knew the mess was more than broken glass and spilled dirt, the mess was inside Luke because she worked her way in his psyche. The mess was far from being treated.

•••••

Luke had completely forgotten that Emmy would be coming to stay with Michael and Crystal, but he forgets things easily these days. He’s still in a fog but at least he’s not getting drunk and high every night now.

He made sure to watch his intake and stayed clear of weed, which the boys also cleared their stash because Luke was far more important than a momentary buzz. So when he arrived at Michael’s he was confused as to why they hadn’t left yet.

“Emmy’s still napping from her flight,” Crystal explained taking a sip from her pink wine.

As Luke’s face remained a state of confusion, four pairs of eyes stared at him helplessly.

“Remember, Ems is staying with us for the summer?” Michael asks slowly.

Not wanting to look like he was still shattered, Luke acted like he remembered.

“Oh, right I knew that. Forgot she got in today, that’s all,” he shrugged.

The relaxed exhale from them all eased him a bit, but he still felt like an idiot so he poured himself a glass of whatever was in front of him.

He shuffled to the corner, which has become his safe place lately. He’s still present with his company but he doesn’t have to keep talking and he’s thankful they gave him the space he needed. He didn’t really want to go out tonight, he wanted to go back home and sleep.

“Pipsqueak!” Ashton shouts very loudly it almost caused Luke to drop his glass.

When he looked up he saw Ashton and Calum hugging Emmy, he couldn’t see her though, Ash and Cal were like walls blocking his view. When they finally released her, Luke couldn’t help but stare.

The sweet girl he’d known growing up wasn’t present anymore. She was still tiny so her nickname they came up with still fit. Instead of her light blond hair like Michael’s, he was looking at a dark brunette and it really brought out her eyes which were a striking deep blue.

While Ashton chattered about what type of drink she’d like, Luke kept his eyes on them and Emmy kept glancing his way. He sucked in a breath ready to say a hello but she never brought him into the group.

At first he was hurt, was he really not that important for her to acknowledge him? Then when he caught her eye again she gave him a kind smile that was missed by everyone else but him. He exhaled gratefully, that greeting was enough.

When they were leaving the restaurant Luke cursed to himself in his head at the photographers that seemed to multiply, along with some fans. He ended up in the back by Emmy and he towered over her completely. Was she always that small? Luke couldn’t remember.

But his height came in handy sometimes, like now when he noticed her stumble slightly in front of him and before she fell on her face he reached out to prevent it.

“Keep walking, Pip,” the words slipped out of his mouth without missing a beat. She turned to look up at him and smiled which he also returned very easily. Her body was warm as he guided her a bit more quickly to the car.

When he helped her climb in, she shot him another smile but he didn’t reciprocate that one. He’d smiled twice that day, and each time was due to Emmy. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of that.

•••••

On the third day of Emmy being with her brother, she decided to make lemon poppy seed muffins, but with real lemons. Both Michael and Crystal took their respective cars to do whatever they had to do so she couldn’t drive to the store and get fresh lemons. Then she remembered Ashton had a lemon tree in his backyard.

When she texted him asking if she could use some, he told her absolutely but he was out shopping with Cal and told her Luke would be home so she could go right over. Emmy chewed on her bottom lip, she didn’t want to bother Luke but her need to have lemon poppy seed muffins was greater.

It took her nearly twenty minutes to walk to his house but it was a nice day so she didn’t mind too much. With a deep breath she knocked on the door and hit the doorbell. If he didn’t answer in the next twenty seconds, she’d call it quits and head back to her brother’s. When she counted to eight the door opened and revealed Luke still looking a little disheveled like last night.

Dark circles were still present under his eyes, and he just looked exhausted. He was wearing a white t-shirt and faded skinny jeans.

“Uh, hi!” Emmy greets her voice a little high. “Um, I’m making lemon poppy seed muffins but I don’t have a car or lemons and Ashton said I could take some from his tree and he said you were home. So . . .”

She said everything in such a rush Luke stares at her in confusion until her explanation marinates in his brain. She needed lemons.

“Yeah, all right.” He mumbles opening the door wider and lifting his arm up higher. “It’s in the back.”

She pauses for a moment waiting for him to move out of the way, when he doesn’t she ducks under his arm (though she could have easily walked normally because he was that tall) and enters the house. Emmy glances around at her surroundings before seeing a sliding door to the backyard.

The tree was a bit taller than her and it had a lot of lemons much to her excitement. She took care in picking the perfect ones, she needed six, then looked up at Luke as he shuffles in the opening.

“Do you have a plastic bag I can put these in?” she asks.

He nods silently then disappears back in the house. Emmy sighs feeling a little jaded at his silence but she reminds herself to give him space. She went through something similar with her most recent ex. Time does heal all wounds, it’s just annoying when you don’t know how much time exactly it will take.

When Luke returns she smiles a thank you and pours her gathering into the plastic. She loops the handles through her fingers stepping back into the house.

“Did you walk here?” he asks from behind. Emmy spins around to face him, his brows are pulled together.

“Yeah, it’s only a twenty minute walk,” she shrugs continuing her path to the front door.

“Hang on, I’ll drive you. My car’s out front.”

“Oh, no. Luke, you don’t have to—“

He already snatched his keys and brisked past her out the front door.

“All right, then,” she sighs following him. She makes sure to lock the door so no robbers come to Ashton’s house. She slides into Luke’s sleek black car and buckles herself in.

She doesn’t notice Luke smirk at that, it’s a ten minute drive did she really think they’d hit something? He doesn’t say anything and drives to Michael’s house.

He pulls into the driveway not bothering to put it in park.

“Thank you,” she says then stops when she’s halfway out. She looks back at him and asks, “Do you want to help me make them?”

“You’re—what?” he had his automatic response to say ‘you’re welcome’ ready but her question caught him off guard.

“Muffins,” she lifts the bag, “want to help me?”

He stares at her with his mouth open. She wanted him to stay and help make muffins? Why would she want him to help?

Why did he put the car in park and get out following the short girl inside?

She rolls the lemons out of the bag, catching the ones that were a bit more dangerous of rolling off the counter then she began prattling of directions for him to do. Luke had no idea why he listened, he had no idea how to make muffins from scratch. He sighs doing what she says, it’s better than being alone doing nothing.

“The glaze is the best part,” she says while she’s pouring the batter into the colorful muffin cups. “It’ll taste even better since we used real lemon. Did you know poppy seeds come up on urine tests as drugs?” she giggles at her little known fact and Luke smiles at her.

“I eat so many of these that I’d probably look like I’m on a constant high,” she continues as if his smile was enough of a response. Luke appreciates that.

When the pans are full she places them on the racks and Luke catches himself staring at her ass as she bends over, her jean shorts fit her perfectly. He averts his gaze back to the glaze he was mixing.

What the hell was that? Did he really just check out Emmy’s ass?

“Do you want some tea? We can sit outside while we wait for them to be done,” she says already pulling the pitcher from the fridge.

Luke clears his throat, “sure.”

He follows her outside to the patio, the pool water glistening in the LA sun and she sits on one of the chairs around the small bonfire pit. He sits in the one next to her and take a big gulp from his iced tea. It was perfectly sweet.

“I made that this morning, I hope it taste okay,” she says.

“’ts perfect,” he comments running his thumb over the condensation that’s already formed.

They sit in a comfortable silence but he can feel her gaze on him the whole time. Normally he would snap at anyone who would stare but he didn’t feel the need to. He knew she was analyzing him. She’s been that way since she was little but he didn’t want to talk about him or his feelings.

“Hey, Luke?”

“Hm?” he hums still looking at the droplets on his glass.

“You don’t have to now, or ever, but if you ever do want to talk I’m a good listener. I’ve gone through the same thing.”

He looks up at her in surprise, eyebrows raised.

“Just wanted you to know,” she smiles shyly then takes a sip of her tea before looking back at the pool.

They sit in a comfortable silence sipping their iced tea until the alarm on her phone goes off signifying the muffins being done.

“Come on,” she says lightly. To his surprise she grabs his hand in hers towing him inside to the kitchen.

She made it seem like the easiest thing in the world, grabbing his hand and Luke couldn’t deny that he really, really liked it. Despite her being so much smaller than him, her hand fit in his perfectly. To his dismay she let go as soon as she picked up the oven mitts and opened the oven.

He felt the heat engulf the air surrounding them, she sighs happily as she sets the first tray of muffins down.

“They’re perfectly brown,” she gushes, her big blue eyes staring up at him happily before going to get the other pans.

Once all the trays were laid out, she carefully tipped them over letting the muffins tumble out onto the counter. Without her telling him Luke began facing them right side up.

“Careful,” she murmurs without a second thought.

Luke glances at her, it seemed so easy for her to be concerned about him. To have his best interests at heart; first with what she said out by the pool and now telling him not to burn himself on the muffins. Two vastly different things, but still. It filled Luke with a warmth he hasn’t experienced in a long time.

“Okay!” she claps her hands once the mitts are off. “You can put the glaze on.”

“Me?” he asks watching her clean up the pans in the sink, the cool water hisses as it touches the hot pans.

“Yeah, you made the glaze, you can put it on.”

“I don’t want to do it wrong,” he furrows his eyebrows.

“There’s no wrong way to do it,” she giggles grabbing the bowl of lemon glaze and a spoon. “You can drizzle, you can plop as much as you want on it, you can even make . . .” she took the spoon scraping the gooey goodness onto it then dabs two circles and a smile beneath them. “A smiley face. Here.”

She hands him the muffin she decorated and Luke smiled back at the happy muffin.

“He’s cute,” Luke chuckles softly picking up the spoon and getting to work.

They continue to work in silence, him decorating (he made muffins look like the guys and was working particularly hard on one) while she continued to clean the kitchen of their baking mess.

“Finished?” she asks.

“Don’t look yet,” he turns his back blocking her view from his masterpiece.

“What are you doing to that muffin?” she laughs trying to sneak a peek. “Don’t be naughty!”

“I’m not being naughty, Pip,” he chuckles. “It has to be perfect, look at the other ones. Guess which one’s your brother.”

She scans the other muffins then giggles when she notices one with ‘hair’ covering it’s eyeballs. It was actually quite good for only using glaze.

“Okay, finished.” He spins around holding the muffin in his palm.

Emmy steps a little closer peering at the muffin. He seemed to have taken the most time with this one. The eyes are big, the mouth looks pretty and he drizzled the sides so it looked like hair.

“Is that . . . supposed to be me?” she mumbles looking up at him.

His eyes soften when they make eye contact and he bites his bottom lip before nodding. “Yeah. Do you like it?”

She smiles slowly, glancing back at the muffin and the way he’s holding it so it wouldn’t fall on the floor.

“I love it, looks just like me,” she giggles again.

He sets it down on the counter gingerly, leaning his hand on the counter as he leans closer to her. His blond hair falls in front of his eyes.

“Thanks for all of this,” he says gently.

“For making muffins?”

“No, well, yes but for not pushing for answers or explanations or asking how I’m feeling. It’s nice not being looked at like a china doll.”

She stares up at him in shock, that’s the most he’s said to her since she got here a few days ago. She’s noticed how deep his voice is, how sultry it sounds and how it makes her knees weak.

“You’re welcome, Luke,” she rests her hand on top of his. “Believe me when I say that I know exactly what you’re going through. Trust me.”

He frowns at that, how could someone who radiates light and happiness know what it’s like to deal with the aftermath of a toxic relationship and a nuclear break up? How could someone have done that to her?

“You do?”

“Yeah, and it does get better. No one else can fix it but you, and it takes time.”

“Who hurt you? Mike never said—“

“Michael never knew,” she shakes her head. “It all happened while you were touring. I couldn’t bother him with it, there was nothing he could have done anyway. And now it’s over and I’m better and it’s done with,” she shrugs.

“What happened?”

She opens her mouth to reply when the front door bangs open and Michael’s already chattering away.

“I smell food! Delicious food!” he exclaims entering the kitchen.

Luke and Emmy break away from each other instantly, Luke’s hand already feels cold without hers on top of his. Instead he uses it to rub the back of his neck.

“What did you—oh. Luke! What’re you doing here?” Michael smiles excitedly upon seeing his best friend while Emmy giggles at her brother’s antics.

“He helped me make muffins from Ashton’s lemon tree,” she explains.

Michael glances between Luke, the muffins and Emmy, then repeats the action twice more before shaking his head in disbelief.

“Wow, that’s great. Are you sure Ashton said you could use his lemons?” he peers closer at the muffins taking a whiff of the lemony scent.

“Yes, I called him.”

“Why didn’t you go to the store?”

“Hm, maybe because I don’t have a car? Duh.”

“Okay sassy pants,” Michael laughs, “you could have called an Uber.”

“That’s just stupid. I’d pay for the car then I’d have to pay for the lemons and pay again for a ride home? Ashton’s was closer. And free,” she grins triumphantly and Luke smiles.

Her logic was pretty spot on.

Michael stares at Luke for a moment, he hasn’t seen him smile—a genuine smile—in who knows how long. “Fair point. I’ll rent a car for you to drive while you’re here.”

“I can drive her,” Luke suggests with a slight shrug.

Both Clifford’s turn their attention to the quiet blond. Emmy’s eyes are glowing and Michael is staring at him like he’s got two heads and a unicorn horn.

“Really?” she asks.

“Yeah, really? You don’t have to, Luke, you’re not her chauffer,” Michael shakes his head. What the hell is going on with him?

“I don’t mind. It’ll give me something to do, it’s no big deal,” he shrugs again then looks between both siblings. “Really.”

“Thanks Luke,” Emmy smiles.    

•••••

Emmy: hey muffin man, want to get some fro-yo? Mike and crys don’t want to L

Luke: it’s like 10 at night, aren’t they closed?

Emmy: all but one ;) I’ll send you the address. Pretty please?!

Luke: all right lol I’ll be there in 5

Emmy: thanks muffin man, you’re the best

 Ashton peeks his head out of his drum room, his headphones hung around his neck. He heard Luke exit his room and jingle his keys.

“Where are you going?” Ashton asks trying not to sound surprised.

“Fro-yo,” Luke says simply.

“By yourself?”

“No, I’m going to pick up Emmy.” He fits his snapback on his head then turns to Ashton as if waiting for him to stop him.

“Oh. Okay. Have fun, mate,” Ashton smiles but inside he’s screaming in excitement. Luke nods his goodbye then leaves through the garage. Ashton immediately calls Calum to tell him the news.

It’s been so long since Luke has wanted to go out and actually do something since what happened with Lea. Yes, it was eleven months ago but he was still hurting. They could all feel it, and now, with Emmy being here for only a week, she’s got him making muffins and going to get fro-yo at ten thirty at night.

•••••

Luke couldn’t help but glance at Emmy while he drove down the street, she looked undeniably cute in her pair of black leggings and long sleeved shirt. She took her flip flops off and sat cross legged on her seat because she’s small and she can.

He had a permanent smile on his face listening to her rant and rave about this 24 hour frozen yogurt place called Moon-Glo that she found on Google. She was reading off all the flavors they had for the night and he could already tell which ones she was going to get.

He had the worst desire to reach over, take her hand and kiss her knuckles while he drove. He shook his head trying to clear the thought but ever since they made muffins a few days ago, he’s been thinking of her nonstop.

Thinking of her also made him think of the guy who put her through a bad break up. He wanted to know what happened, how she dealt with it and how that guy could possibly let someone like Emmy go.

“Hey, you over there,” she says.

He feels her finger scratch at his elbow gently to get his attention and he looks over.

“Hm?” he hums.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Um . . .” he heaves a big sigh turning into the parking lot of the yogurt shop. He puts the car in park but keeps it running. “What happened, with your last relationship?”

He chews on the inside of his lip, gripping the steering wheel waiting for a response. When he hears her sigh he risks looking her way. He was expecting her to be angry but her lips were pursed, which he couldn’t help but find adorable even under his heavy question.

“Let’s get our yogurt first.”

“Right,” he mutters shutting off his car.

When they enter the small shop it’s designed to look like the moon. Craters are painted on the floor, walls and the ceiling. Little astronaut men stand on the tables and neon lights are displayed above the yogurt machines, making the flavors appear to glow in the dark.

“This is so cool!” Emmy gasps then takes Luke’s wrist dragging him to the counter that has the little testing cups. Taking a risk, he twists his hand in her grasp so he can grab onto her hand, lacing his fingers through hers. He finds a small victory that she doesn’t yank away. “Let’s try them all.”

They held hands while they sampled the flavors, except the peanut ones, and Luke was over the moon (pun intended). She decided on a black cherry with vanilla, and added fruit and caramel and little gummi bears. She topped it off with a cherry.

Luke went for chocolate and added Oreo crumbles with coconut shavings. He paid for her and he noticed her cheeks turn rosy. He had to stop himself from bending down and kissing them.

“You want to eat in here?” he asks grabbing two spoons, they’re silver with a moon on the end of the handle.

“Let’s go in your car,” she shook her head then turned to the cashier and smiled radiantly. “Thank you, have a good night.”

“Uh, you too.”

Luke nodded to the cashier then held the door open for Emmy. There was a slight breeze as they walked to his car and slid in. He turned it on so that his playlist could be heard softly in the background.

“Mm,” she hums as she take the first few spoonfuls. “This is my new favorite place. Wow. Okay. So you want to know about Mason?”

“Only if you’re comfortable,” he assures spooning his own treat. “That’s his name? Mason?”

“Yep. We broke up two years ago. I didn’t realize how bad of a relationship it was until it was over. He talked to this girl constantly that I never had a good feeling about, he’d make plans without telling me and I’d go along with them. He’d ignore me when we were with his friends. Then he wanted to be on a break because I became too clingy apparently.

“Then he broke up with me over text and the next day he was in a relationship with the girl he was talking to. Then they both harassed me and I was . . . I was in a bad place. I didn’t eat. I wasn’t sleeping. I listened to sad music all the time and I was just . . . not okay. It was hard. I cried constantly and I never interacted with my friends anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Emmy,” Luke says softly. He shifts in his seat to face her properly. “He’s an idiot for letting you go like that. I’m sorry you had to go through that alone.”

“Thank you, and it’s okay,” she shrugs taking another spoonful. “I don’t know how I did it but somehow I pulled myself out of the hole I let myself fall into. Talking to you guys on Facetime really helped, even though I had to fake it most of the time.”

Luke thinks back to the times they’d walk in on Michael speaking with her on the phone. They’d act like complete idiots but Emmy would laugh all the same.

All that time she was heartbroken? And none of them noticed?

“I should’ve—we should’ve noticed you weren’t yourself. I’m sorry, lovie, we could have helped—“

“You did. Just by being your goofy selves and making fun of Mikey made me feel better. You guys made me laugh when I thought I couldn’t.”

She doesn’t comment on the term of endearment that slipped out and he didn’t bring attention to it either. But God, did it feel good to call her that. It felt so natural.

“Honestly, Luke don’t worry about it. I’m better now, I promise.”

“You handle yourself a lot better than I do,” he grimaces swirling his contents in his bowl. “After what happened with Lea, I drank and smoked every day. From whenever I woke up to whenever I went to sleep. That’s why I’m at Ashton’s house a lot, he’s kept me in check.”

“We all handle our hurts differently,” her finger close around his wrist.

Luke tenses slightly at the unexpected touch then relaxes when she rubs circles into his skin.

“But let’s talk about something happier. How’s your fro-yo?”

•••••

“Your sister should have come out earlier,” Ashton tells Michael.

“Like ten months earlier,” Calum agrees drinking from his beer. They’re sat in the living room watching Michael play a video game.

“Honestly, I have no idea what she’s doing but it’s working. Luke seems more like himself than he has in the past year and a half,” Michael says. His thumbs working furiously on the buttons of his controller.

“Do you think they’re just hanging out or doing other . . . things?” Calum asks carefully side eyeing Michael.

Michael pauses the game turning slowly to Calum, his face is expressionless sans the anger in his eyes.

“That’s my little sister, Cal,” he says in a warning voice.

“I know! But she’s not little anymore, and she did have a crush on Luke growing up. They’re both adults spending some time together, y’know, things happen,” he shrugs as if it’s not a big deal.

“Okay, I’ll remember that next time Mali hangs out with Trey,” Michael snaps and Calum’s eyes widen.

“What? Who’s Trey?”

“Guys,” Ashton tries to break up the fight before it happens.

“Just a guy she’s hanging out with, no big deal right? Cause they’re probably sleeping together.”

“That’s my sister!”

“Now you see my point!”

“Guys! Bigger picture, please!” Ashton shouts this time and the other two fall silent. “You should see him at the house whenever Emmy texts or calls him. I swear he’s becoming himself again.”

“What would you do if they are dating?” Calum asks.

“Nothing I could do is there? She’s her own person, he’s my best friend. They can do what they want, but if he breaks her heart I’ll give him hell.”

“I thought I was your best friend,” Calum frowns.

“You’re all my best friends,” Michael sighs, “We’ve been over this a hundred times. Are they dating?”

“Where even are they anyway?” Calum asks looking around.

“Luke said they were going mini golfing and to a movie,” Ashton grins.

“They’re definitely dating,” Calum nods.

•••••

The movie they went to see didn’t end until about 1 a.m. they went to a late showing and it was about three hours long. Emmy loved it even though she cried and Luke didn’t hesitate in wiping her tears away from her cheeks.

“Hey, can we go to—“

“Moon Glo?” he smiles looking her way and she squeals in happiness.

“You’re the best,” she claps her hands excitedly and Luke chuckles.

They ordered the same thing as last time and sat talking in his car until Emmy began to yawn. Luke took her empty bowl and threw it out along with his in the garbage on the sidewalk. When he got back she blinked slowly at him.

“Time to take you home, Pip,” he murmurs pulling his seatbelt across himself and starting the car.

“Don’t wanna,” she sighs with a pout.

“You’re sleepy,” he chuckles. “I won’t have you sleep in my car, it’s not that comfortable.”

“Fine,” she sighs.

Emmy does end up falling asleep on the drive back and Luke thinks she looks horribly adorable with her head resting on the middle of the console. Her lips are pursed and her long lashes cast shadows on her round cheeks. He sighs longingly as he pulls into Michael’s driveway and he brushes her hair from her face.

“Hey, we’re home,” he says softly near her ear, “Emmy, wake up.”

She groans but blinks her eyes open slowly.

“Come on, sleepy girl,” he chuckles unlocking her belt. He catches it so it doesn’t strike her face and lets it retract slowly.

She unfurls her legs and Luke scrambles out of the car to open her door. He helps her unlock the front door and she nearly falls taking off her shoes. Which is odd considering she’s wearing flip-flops.

Luke steadies her and asks in a hushed voice, “Which is your room?”

“Up,” she points tiredly.

He smiles leading her to the stairs which could be an issue so he lifts her into his arms and carries her the rest of the way. He figures the room on the left is hers, it shows the skyline of the hills beautifully, and she’s always liked a good view. He lays her down gently on the bed but she clutches his sweatshirt in her fingers.

“Stay,” she demands weakly, her big doe eyes staring at him.

“I’ll be fine, I’m going back to Ash’s place—“

“No. You could hit a raccoon. Come on, just go to sleep,” she sighs shifting in the bed so he has room.

Luke’s heart is pounding in his ears at her request. “You sure?” he breathes.

“Yes. Now get in her Lucas, it’s getting cold.”

He toes off his shoes and removes his socks. Then he tugs his sweatshirt off so he’s in his t-shirt. Normally he sleeps in just his boxers but no way is he going to do that right now. He clears his throat about to climb in when she stops him.

“What are you doing?” she’s sitting up now.

“I’m—you told me to go to sleep,” he stares at her confused.

“Who sleeps in skinny jeans?” she huffs then gets out of bed and picks up an article of clothing. “These are Mike’s basketball shorts. Put those on.”

She chucks them at him and he turns around to peel off his jeans. He sighs at the looser fit of the shorts. When he spins around she’s changed into shorts and a t-shirt of her own. Damn, that’s fast.

“Better?” she asks climbing back into her bed.

“Much. Thank you,” he says then awkwardly gets into bed with her. He makes sure to stay as far from her as he can, he doesn’t want to cross any boundaries. Especially with his best friend’s younger sister.

His chivalry is tossed out the window though because she pulls him to her, his arm falling over her waist and she tickles her fingers up and down his arm.

“Now sleep,” she tells him burrowing further into her pillow.

The sound of her breathing and the light, coaxing touches of her fingers on his skin relaxes him and he closes his eyes. On average he only sleeps maybe four hours every night, so when he will inevitably wake up he’d sneak out before Michael or Crystal realized he was in bed with Emmy.

•••••

When he woke up, sunlight was streaming through the curtains. He shifted and inhaled a flowery smell mixed in with coconut; it was nice and he inhaled more. Soft giggles filled his ears and he opened his eyes to see his head nestled in Emmy’s neck.

“You’re tickling me,” she giggles again.

“Sorry,” he mumbles sleepily and he pulls his head back.

She rolls over, a smile already painted on her face. “Morning sunshine.”

“Morning,” he grumbles. His fingers rub circles on her lower back. “What time is it?”

“Almost noon.”

“Fuck. Really?”

“Yeah, you slept a long time,” her finger touch the skin below his eyes delicately. “Your eyes don’t look as dark.”

“Yours are, you’ve got mascara everywhere,” he chuckles.

“Great,” she groans. “I look like a raccoon.”

“A cute raccoon,” he grins biting his lip.

She rolls her eyes. “If you say so. I’m hungry. Let’s go get food.”

“How are you this chipper when you just wake up?” he asks rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“I’ve been awake for an hour,” she snickers then rolls out of his arms and onto the floor.

When Luke opens his bleary eyes from behind his hands, he’s transfixed by Emmy before him. Her sleep shorts rose up a bit and he’s staring straight at the bottom of her ass cheeks. He’s oh so tempted to reach out and squeeze, pulling her back into bed and onto his lap.

Woah…what?

“Are you checking me out?”

“No,” he responds too quickly averting his eyes then curses himself. He gets out of bed as well and tousles his hair.

“You’re a terrible liar,” she laughs.

Luke sighs in defeat then follows her downstairs. He hears Michael and Crystal’s voices and he gulps. He readies himself for a punch in the stomach or a clock to his face from Michael. He’s prepared to say they just slept.

“Oh my God. They’re alive!” Michael laughs from the couch, his guitar in hand. Crystal laughs beside him scrolling through her tablet. “Do you guys have a fro-yo hangover?”

“Yes, now we need hangover food. Wanna make us some French toast?” Emmy smiles with her tongue between her teeth, she makes her eyes really big and blinks them super-fast.

Luke would say yes in a heartbeat from her expression alone but Michael doesn’t give in to his sister’s shenanigans as easily.

“Nice try,” he deadpans. “Make them yourself, Pipsqueak.”

She sticks her tongue out then tugs Luke into the kitchen. Luke glances to Michael in alarm as she held his hand but he’s paying them no attention.

“Babe, you should make her breakfast. She’s our guest,” Crystal says.

“She can make her own breakfast!”

“I had to make you breakfast when we were home alone in the summer, Mikey,” Emmy calls gathering the French toast ingredients.

Then there’s a smack from Crystal and they bicker quietly together on the couch. Emmy stares up at Luke triumphantly.

“I love getting him in trouble with her.”

•••••

Their group is going out to Viral, their favorite club and Luke just came downstairs in all black with his shirt unbuttoned and two pairs of necklaces. He took a shower beforehand and he’s feeling fresh and ready to party. He’s really anxious to see Emmy.

“Hey man, ready to go?” Ashton asks with Calum behind him.

“Yeah, are the cabs coming to Michael’s?” Luke asks shoving his wallet in his back pocket.

“They’re gonna meet us there,” Calum says.

“Oh,” Luke chews on his bottom lip deflating a little. He won’t get to walk in with Emmy and see her reaction to the place. “All right.”

He’s silent in the car ride to the club, and does a bemused wave to fans that spot them outside the club before they enter. He heads to the bar as soon as they’re in the VIP section, slams down a shot then orders his usual.

Ashton and Calum are looking at him worriedly when he makes it back to their sitting area, he chooses to ignore them much like the girls who are making eyes at him. He knows who they are since he’s seen them naked before but he ignores them as well. None of them hold his interest anymore.

Except one.

He’s halfway done with his first drink, so he gets up to buy another—he’ll finish this one easily on the way—when he spots Michael and Crystal walking towards him hand in hand. Emmy’s not with them, great, she’s probably on a date—

There she is. Emmy shuffles beside her brother, her eyes landing on Luke straightaway. He smiles instinctually and veers to her direction, her smile alone pulls him. His arms slip around her easily as he embraces her in a tight hug. He squeezes her to him causing her to lift from the ground slightly and she laughs in his ear.

Everyone else around them disappears, his focus is only on her and when he sets her down on her feet he takes in her outfit. She’s wearing a pretty red romper with a black belt and ankle boots. She’s mouthwatering.

“You’re drooling,” she teases rubbing her thumb on his dry bottom lip. He knows he’s not but her touch sets his skin ablaze.

“Can you blame me?” he smiles lazily grabbing her hand. “Want something to drink?”

“A mint mojito,” she beams following him to the bar.

“Classy girl,” he smirks then flags down the bartender.

•••••

“He didn’t even look at us! Does he know we’re here?” Michael exclaims exasperatedly watching Luke and Emmy at the bar. He and Crystal joined the others sitting around the small round glass table.

“Oh leave him be,” Crystal squeezes her boyfriend’s knee. “I think it’s cute. Did you see how his face lit up when he saw her?”

“He was pretty bent up that we were meeting you here,” Calum says.

“I think he wanted to drive with Emmy,” Ashton adds.

“That’s so cute,” Crystal sighs.

“He’s lucky I know him, I wouldn’t want someone else looking at my sister like he is,” Michael sighs.

“Like what?”

“He’s looking at her like she’s the sun,” Crystal grins watching them.

•••••

Luke and Emmy join the rest of the group but make sure to sit close together, Luke’s leg is touching hers and she has her hand resting on his knee as they join in conversation. Luke nurses his second drink, he doesn’t want to be too intoxicated and forget what he and Emmy do together.

She’s taking shots and is on her fourth drink when she and Crystal head to the bathroom. As she passes by Luke, she takes his face in her hand and rubs his cheek affectionately before following Crystal to the bathroom. He watches her go with a permanent smile which quickly fades when he turns to his three best friends. All of their eyebrows are raised and Michael is staring him down.

“Uh, yes?” he asks awkwardly.

“What’s going on between you two?” Ashton giggles.

“What do you mean?”

“You were going to get plastered tonight, and I know because I saw the look in your eye, but as soon as Emmy arrived you’ve barely finished your second drink. Which probably is so watered down you can’t even taste the alcohol anymore,” Ashton explains.

“You’ve been by each other’s side the whole time,” Calum adds sipping his cocktail.

Luke doesn’t know what to say but he looks at Michael. His expression is hard to read, what with the flashing lights and the fact that he’s been drinking as well.

“Does my sister make you happy?” Michael asks.

“Of course she does!” Ashton answers for Luke very loudly. “He hasn’t been this happy in so long, and it’s all because of her, right?”

“Yeah,” Luke admits sheepishly. “I’m sorry Mike. I didn’t plan on this happening but she’s just . . . she’s something else.”

•••••

“Tell me Ems, are you and Luke dating?” Crystal asks while they’re leaning against the bathroom sinks.

“What? Why would you say that?”

“He’s spent the night nearly every night since you got here. He’s talking a lot more, he’s smiling a lot more, and you haven’t left his side the whole night.”

“I don’t know what we are, we haven’t talked about it. We haven’t even kissed yet,” Emmy sighs in disappointment.

“I can tell you, the boy is smitten with you,” Crystal winks.

“How can you tell?”

“How can you not? Did you not see the way he smiled at you when we came?” Crystal asks and Emmy blushes in response. “He’s changed a lot since you got here, he seems more like himself ever since Lea . . .”

•••••

Emmy is lost in thought as they exit the bathroom as Crystal drags her to the bar to order a shot. Luke notices them standing by the bar, he doesn’t know why but he feels like he should be over there. Even though they’re in the VIP section, creeps are still everywhere.

He’s only half listening to the guys’ conversation because his attention is on Emmy and the way she’s bouncing on her feet to the beat of the music. The way her eyes close when she laughed at something Crystal said. The way a guy grabbed her waist and pulled her against his chest.

Crystal tries to intervene but is shoved away into another guy and Luke rises immediately. He grabs Michael by the scruff of his shirt who yelps in protest.

“It’s Crystal and Emmy,” Luke hisses quickly and he bound down the stairs like lightning.

“Stop touching me!” he hears Emmy protest.

Upon hearing her voice, Luke yanks the guy off her and she stumbles back into the bar. He shoves the guy as far away from Emmy as he can then motions to security to escort him and his friend out who Michael also shoved away. He watches security take them away until he’s sure they’re gone then he feels small hands touch his arm. He turns around to see Emmy biting her lip, her eyes wide in fear and glistening.

“You’re okay,” he says quickly pressing her against him. She allows herself to be crushed against his strong chest, she already feels safe in his arms. He kisses the top of her head, rubbing her arms and back while Mike tries to console a very drunk and very angry Crystal.

“Want me to take you home?” Luke asks lowly in her ear. She nods and he takes his phone out to text the valet to bring his car around.

He looks to Michael who’s already nodding in understanding that Luke will take his sister home. Luke feels Emmy’s hot breath through his shirt as he continues to soothe her until his phone buzzes.

“Okay, come on lovie,” he says grabbing her hand. “I’ve got you.”

•••••

Emmy’s silent the whole drive to Michael’s. Luke desperately wants to reach out and hold her hand, but the vibe he’s getting from her tells him not to. He doesn’t want to touch her unless she wants him to, but he needs to make sure she’s all right.

Before he has his car in park, she’s already tripping out of the car and up the walkway. Luke sighs then follows after her up to her bedroom but the door is closed. Memories of this being from another time, with a different girl and it made his heart crack at the all too familiar feeling.

No. She’s not Lea. She’s not mad at you.

He raps his knuckles gently on her door, and calls her name softly.

“You can come in,” her muffled voice says from the other side.

He turns the knob, his eyes scanning the room until he finds her pulling out his clothes he’s kept there when he spends the night. She’s already changed into her pajamas, her make up rubbed off hastily. He stands frozen in the doorway, not entirely sure on how to approach her. If he should approach her at all.

Emmy turns then gives him a funny look.

“Get in here and change,” she sighs heavily.

“You sure you want me to stay the night?” he asks taking a hesitant step closer.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You seem mad at me,” he shrugs, “and after what happened at the club I thought you’d want to be alone.”

Her arms drop and she’s peering at him intently. She meets him halfway tossing his shirt and shorts on the bed, still looking up at him. She hears how deep he’s breathing, his eyes never leaving hers but she can see the doubt in the sky blue irises.

“Luke Hemmings, being alone is the last thing I want,” her voice is just shy of a whisper but he can hear the true emotion in it.

He swallows as she moves closer and closer, her fingers tuck his curls behind his ear. He notices how her lips are parted slightly and the way her eyes dart between his lips and his eyes.

“What do you want?” he asks thickly.

“I . . . I want you to kiss me, Luke,” she whispers.

He exhales his breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding and attaches his mouth to hers, his arms snaking around her waist to her lower back. Emmy’s hands clutch onto his biceps as he kisses her with so much want and desire. One of her hands find home in his curls and she tugs gently, his tongue swipes her bottom lip then he slips it between her lips.

Luke shifts them lifting her off the ground and he sits down on the bed, Emmy instantly straddling him and their lips stay locked in a heated kiss of teeth and tongue and heavy breathing.

Emmy rises her hips from his lap and Luke slides his hands over the roundness of her ass. She makes quick work of unbuttoning his black silk shirt, pulling the fabric tucked in his jeans and shoves it off his shoulders.

Luke tosses it to his left, or behind him, he’s not sure because he’s focused on the taste of her lips. They’re slightly minty from her mojitos but also sugary from the lemon drop shots she consumed throughout the evening.

Luke kneaded his fingers in the fullness of her ass and she moaned against his mouth, her hips rocking gently against his. His hands travel north over the top part of her romper, his thumbs grazing the sides of her breasts and she nips at his lip and he takes that opportunity to kiss along her jaw. He’s sucking on her skin as he begins to work on her belt but when she sighs he smells the alcohol on her breath and he stops his actions.

He tears his lips away from her jaw and places his hands on the side of her neck. Her eyes are a little bloodshot and filled with excitement, her pretty lips parted.

“What’s wrong?”

“I should stop before I won’t be able to,” he breathes, his eyes darting between hers.

“Oh,” she deflates on top of him and he can see the instant rejection in her eyes.

“No, no, baby, it’s not because I don’t want to,” he tries to recover quickly and holds onto her tighter. “I want to so bad, but not like this.”

She studies him carefully and can hear truth in his voice and knows he’s right. But it still stings.

“Can we kiss until we fall asleep?” she asks softly playing with his necklaces.

“Hey, look at me,” he murmurs ticking her chin up so her dark blue eyes are looking in his. “That’s not even a question.”

She gets off his lap then and they both go to her bathroom to brush their teeth, making eyes at each other in the mirror. Luke watches her fondly as she washes her face free of her make-up and when she’s dried her face he takes her cheeks in his hands kissing her.

They shuffle back to her bed, Emmy crawls in first and Luke hits the light switch before joining her under the covers. In their excitement of kissing some more, her hand smacks his cheek and his presses on her hair.

“Ow!” they yelp then burst into giggles.

“Where are your lips?” she laughs.

“Trying to find yours,” he responds then feels her top lip. “Gotcha.”

They kiss in whispers and he can’t help but notice her lips have a slight taste to coconut, it must be the chapstick she put on after brushing her teeth. Emmy’s fingers thread through his growing curls while Luke’s are strong on her lower back.

“I really like you, Emmy,” he confesses in one breath when they take a break of kissing. Luke’s fingers trail up and down her bare back underneath her shirt.

It feels good to finally say it out loud. The last week and a half he’s spent with her has been the happiest he’s been in so long. She’s repairing the carved out part of his heart that Lea ruthlessly took from him. She didn’t question him or treat him like a ticking time bomb. Emmy’s thumb traces over Luke’s top lip, his heart is racing waiting for her response.

“I really like you, Luke,” she admits giving him a gentle kiss. “And I really like kissing you.”

“I really like kissing you,” a smile spreads on his face before he kisses her with all he’s got.

“And it’s okay?” she gasps out.

“What’s okay?”

“That I like you and you like me even though I’m Mikey’s little sister?”

Luke draws back, his brows furrowed.

“That’s not an issue, Emmy. Michael and I actually talked about . . . us, kind of. He’s okay with it.”

“Really?! Oh, thank God,” she sighs launching herself on top of Luke peppering kisses all over his face. He’s soon laughing beneath her then tickles her sides in retaliation. Emmy shrieks in laughter at his attack until they’re both panting to catch their breath.

•••••

Luke’s standing alone in Roy’s backyard waiting and watching for Emmy. Roy and Calum decided to throw a midsummer beach party and the place was packed. Luke and Ashton showed up together and Emmy spent the day with Michael and Crystal so they’d be coming later.

Ashton left to mingle immediately and Luke scopes out the other partygoers. Some of them he recognizes from his own party days. He nods politely as they greet him but he’d much rather have Emmy by his side. He never wanted to go back to that life he lived for what felt like forever.

He’s scrolling through his phone then smiles again at the text Emmy sent him not too long ago saying she was on her way. Then he hears an all too familiar laugh that sends a cold sweat on the back of his neck.

Luke looks up to see Lea amongst a group of people, her signature high top-bun and white rimmed sunglasses frame her face as she converses. Luke swallows harshly but it only constricts his throat further. His feet are frozen, his heart is racing and there’s a slight ringing in his ears as panic sets in.

His brain is telling him to escape as fast as he can, to find Ashton or to find Emmy who he hopes is here somewhere but the message doesn’t reach his feet. He’s stuck staring at the girl who wrecked him completely, leaving him in the sunken ship she capsized.

Lea slid her sunglasses up her head then spotted Luke who still couldn’t look away. He thinks there’s a word for it, like when you drive by an accident and you can’t look away? His mind is blank as she stares at him, a ghost of her signature smirk appears before she starts walking his way.

He’s frozen in his spot, the ringing in his ears is louder and higher pitched and all he can do is watch the tornado of a woman create her warpath in his direction.

“Hey! There you are.”

Emmy’s voice breaks through Luke’s panic, and the gentle touch of her hands on his back as she hugs him causes him to tear his eyes away from the storm and onto the light that is Emmy. He exhales in relief when he looks into her eyes and she sees the familiar darkness.

“What’s the matter?”

“Hi Lukey-boo,” Lea greets in a sickly sweet voice, it makes his stomach turn. “Babysitting I see?”

Emmy twists around to look at Lea and Luke closes his eyes, he just wanted to keep looking in her eyes.

“You must be Lea,” Emmy greets brightly. She takes Luke’s hand in her own and squeezes it tightly. “I’ve heard so many things about you.”

“Oh thank you,” Lea smiles smugly, twisting her hair with her fingers.

“I didn’t say they were good things,” Emmy responds icily then turns to Luke. “Come on Luke, Mikey’s looking for you.”

Emmy drags Luke away as quick as she can inside the house, he’s shaking slightly and as soon as they’re inside he slips his hand from hers. He finds the nearest wall then starts smacking it as hard as he can, his teeth clenched.

“Hey, hey, Luke. Luke!” Ashton is suddenly behind him, between him and Emmy, with his hands on Luke’s shoulders. He pulls him away from the wall. “What’s going on?”

“Lea was outside,” Emmy explains quietly watching the scene in front of her.

“Shit,” Ashton mutters then pulls Luke with him upstairs.

Emmy smiles apologetically at the people in the kitchen then scampers after Ashton and Luke. When she looked into Luke’s eyes, he was the ghost of himself she’s never seen before. It terrified her, not for her safety, but only concern for Luke. She finds Ashton and Luke in Calum’s room, it’s far away from downstairs and faces the street instead of the backyard.

“You good? We can leave if you want or I’ll make Roy kick her out,” Ashton says.

“Did Calum know she was going to be here?”

“No, he wouldn’t do that, Luke. She must have overheard about the party or something and came here on purpose to mess with you,” Ashton squeezes Luke’s shoulders. His hands are keeping Luke’s head above the waters. “What do you need?”

“Where’s Emmy?”

“Ash…” Emmy says quietly stepping forward.

“She’s right here,” Ashton steps aside, releasing his hold on Luke.

Luke’s ice blue eyes slide to her and he visibly relaxes, his face softening and shoulders falling.

“You good?” Ashton asks, Luke nods stiffly. “I’ll be downstairs. Text me if you need me.”

Ashton pats him on the back then gives Emmy a small smile before exiting the room. He closes the door softly behind him and Luke falls onto the bed with a big sigh. His elbows rest on his knees and he hangs his head. Emmy joins him and places her hand on his neck.

“Hey,” she scratches the back of his neck with her nails. Luke breathes deeply and sits up straight turning to Emmy.

“Hey,” he croaks. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I wasn’t expecting Lea to be here and it’s—it’s been so long I thought I’d be okay and—“

“Luke, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain it to me, okay?” she strokes his cheek with the back of her fingers. “What happened?”

“I couldn’t…” he shakes his head. “I couldn’t move. I saw her and it’s like I was paralyzed. I’m so glad that you showed up when you did, lovie.”

Emmy kisses his forehead, his eyebrow, his cheek and then finally his lips. Her thumbs stroke his cheeks as she looks into his eyes.

“I am too. Do you want to stay or do you want to go somewhere else?”

“I didn’t really want to be here in the first place,” he sighs kissing the inside of her wrist.

“Then let’s go,” she smiles.

He follows her downstairs where Ashton is waiting for them, he perks up at the sight of them.

“What’s goin’ on?” Ashton asks looking between Emmy and Luke.

“We’re blowing this popsicle stand,” Emmy giggles. “Can you tell Mikey we left?”

“Yeah, no problem,” he watches them brisk by then he calls out, “where are you going?”

“An adventure!” Emmy shouts causing Luke to laugh and then they’re gone.

Luke is cruising down the 405 with the windows down and Emmy is singing along to the radio. Every time Luke looks over at her it’s easier for him to breathe and they arrive at the beach just as the sky turns a pretty golden orange.

“Take off your shoes,” Emmy orders already working on her black boots.

Luke toes off his own boots placing his socks inside then setting them down inside the car. He takes her hand leading the way into the hot but soft sand. The warm ocean breeze ruffles his hair and he inhales the salty air.

Their toes touch the water’s edge, Emmy squeals a little at the coolness of it but soon she’s kicking the water up.

“Hey!” he chuckles shielding his face.

“It’s just water,” she teases kicking a spray of it in his direction. Some of the spray hits his cheek.

“Do that again, I dare you,” he threatens but his voice doesn’t ring true of the threat. Emmy does it again. “That’s it, you’re in trouble now.”

“Ahh!” She screams and tries to run from him but his legs are longer and he snatches her up quickly.

He throws her over his shoulder, she’s squealing in laughter as he spins her around making sure to kick up some water.

“Luke!” she laughs patting his back and his butt in an attempt to get him to let her down.

“Say you’re sorry!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

Satisfied, he sets her down gently. They both take a deep breath and then Emmy squats down to splash a huge amount of water on his stomach and legs. She’s laughing so hard she falls into the water on her butt, she gasps in surprise.

“Karma baby,” Luke chuckles.

Emmy groans and stands up. Her jean shorts are a shade darker and her top clings to her skin, the ends of her hair is wet and Luke can tell she’s grumpy about the turn of events. She scowls at him which he thinks is the cutest fucking thing he’s ever seen before she leaps up in his arms. He’s taken aback and staggers backwards, the waves push against his balance and then they’re both in the water but Luke makes sure his hold is secure on Emmy.

“OOF!” he grunts at the impact and the wetness he now feels.

“I made my own karma,” Emmy snickers.

Luke squeezes her waist and stares into her eyes, thankful that karma has brought her back into his life. He wants to tell her his thoughts, but his mouth can’t form the words so he crushes his lips to hers in hopes she’ll understand what he can’t say.

They splash around in the water for a bit longer then sit in the sand until the sun starts to set and their clothes are somewhat dry. They decide to head back to Michael’s house. Emmy’s hand is rising and falling out the window as she sings along to Jaden Smith’s PCH blasting through the speakers.

“Gimme all your kisses baby cause this is bliss, gimme all your kisses baby…” she sings tilting her head from side to side in time with the beat of the song and Luke’s never felt so much fondness for a person before.

The house is quiet when Luke and Emmy arrive, Michael’s car is still gone so they must still be at the party. Luke pulls Emmy against him as soon as the door shuts, his lips on hers. Emmy sighs into the kiss linking her arms around his neck.

“Gimme all your kisses baby,” Luke mumbles and she nods enthusiastically.

He lifts her into his arms, her legs wrap around his waist and he heads upstairs to her bedroom. He sits down on her bed tugging her shirt up and off her head and Emmy removes her bra swiftly before tugging at his t-shirt.

Luke’s hands are hot on her skin as his tongue explores her mouth once more. She smells like the beach and her lips are sun kissed with a hint of saltiness from the ocean water. Emmy moans quietly and it causes Luke’s dick twitch in response.

He pulls away and looks at her, her eyes are alert, lips are red and swollen and she’s smiling. Luke drops his gaze to her bare torso and he lets out a huff at the sight of her chest rising and falling heavily. He presses his lips between her breasts, sponging kisses along the mound until he finds her nipple which he tugs between his teeth. His tongue flicks against it and she sighs in his arms at the sensation.

He shifts to the other breast doing the same thing but sucks hard on the skin, it makes an obscene noise and she whimpers. When he releases her breast he sees his teeth marks surrounding her nipple and his pants tighten at the sight. He looks up at her.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” he pants then flips her over so she’s on her back. Her legs rise up on the bed but she stops him before he climbs on top of her.

“Wait, wait,” she holds onto his chest with her palm. “Get the door.”

He smiles and obeys shutting it and locks it for good measure even though he’s positive Michael and Crystal won’t be back for hours. When he turns around he sees she’s just in her black panties and he groans.

“You’re so pretty, baby,” he sighs then kneels in front of her. Luke pulls her closer to him, an excited squeal escaping her lips at the movement and he pulls her panties to the side staring at her bare center. His mouth waters at the sight. “So pretty,” he whispers then runs his finger up her slit, his eyes move to hers.

She’s watching him intently, a fire in her eyes that he’s sure matches his. He teases her more by playing with her folds and kisses her inner thighs.

“Luke,” she whines his name and fuck, does he love the sound, “please.”

That plea is all he needs to hear and he attaches his mouth to her warm wet center, she tastes even better than he’s imagined. She whimpers above him, letting her legs fall open wider for him and he swipes his tongue up and down, in circular motions and flicks at her clit which makes her go wild.

She’s moaning so loud he swears he’s never heard a more beautiful sound, he wants to hear her make those noises forever. Emmy bucks her hips in time with his ministrations.

“You close, lovie?” he rasps looking up at her. She arches her back and moans out a ‘yes.’ “Come on my mouth, baby.”

He devours her, keeping his mouth on her and moving his face roughly from side to side as she moans relentlessly. He searches for her hand that is clutching the sheet in a death grip and drags it to his hair. She yanks and pulls with each spasm of her orgasm washing over her but Luke doesn’t stop. He keeps sucking and licking until her movements slow and she lets out a deeply satisfied sigh.

Luke licks his lips then slips her panties off her waist and down her legs. He stuffs it in his back pocket, kissing both sides of her thighs as she comes down from her orgasm. His gaze is locked on her, watching her facial expressions and the rapid rise and fall of her chest.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” he admits trailing his fingers up and down her leg before hooking it over his shoulder.

“You’re really good at it,” she puffs out and he chuckles.

He lifts her other leg over his shoulder and looks up at her darkly. “Want me to go again, lovie?”

He doesn’t give her time to answer before he slips his middle finger inside curling it as he does. Her mouth opens in a perfect little ‘o’ and she yanks harshly at the root of his curls. She rocks her hips against his finger, a chorus of moans fill the room as he pumps into her faster, harder, and it’s not long until she’s coming beneath him again.

When he removes his finger, he traces a line from her slit, past her bellybutton and around the curves of her breast. Then he scoots back down in between her legs, she whimpers already knowing what he’s planning to do.

“Got one more for me, baby?” he rasps situating himself at her core. Again, he doesn’t give her a chance to answer before he’s diving in, darting his tongue in and out at an antagonizing pace.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” she squeals pulling on his hair. Her body shakes. Her legs are trembling.

When he adds his finger again she lets out an animalistic growl that only urges Luke to continue pleasuring her, loving the yank of his hair by her fingers. He hums against her, the vibrations adding even more to her pleasure and her body spasms before clenching as she lets out a scream.

Luke feels her come all over his finger and his mouth, his eyes on her the entire time as her whole body lifted from the bed, as if she were ascending into an astral plane of pure ecstasy. When her body drops back down, her legs going lax, is when he decides to stop. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and swipes his finger on his jeans, he doesn’t care that they’re black and it’ll stain.

Luke crawls over her once more, Evie somehow finds the strength to press her palm against his chest. He notices the space between her cleavage is sheened with sweat.

“Please, no more,” she whispers. Her eyes are hooded as she stares up at him.

“No more,” he shakes his head then rests his forehead on hers. “You did so well, baby. I love hearing your moans.” She yawns then and he rolls off the bed to retrieve some new underwear and her pajamas.

He helps her change into them, her legs are wobbling as she does and they head into the bathroom to wash up. Luke holds onto her hip while they brush their teeth and while she washes her face. He tucks her into bed before he pulls off his jeans and places his t-shirt over his head and climbs in behind her. He chuckles to himself when he realizes how she’s lying, her legs are completely spread, and she’s on her stomach with her arms splayed over the pillow.

She looks like a cute little starfish.

He settles in behind her and rubs her back helping her relax, he knows she loves that. Then he kisses her neck and whispers, ‘goodnight, pretty girl.’

•••••

When Emmy woke up the next morning, memories of last night flooded into her mind. Butterflies appeared in her tummy as she woke up a bit more, blinking her eyes open slowly. She rolls over to see Luke already awake and staring at the ceiling, his arms locked behind his head.

“Good morning,” Emmy greets, her voice is strained as she stretches her limbs.

“Morning,” he smiles wistfully at her then continues staring at the ceiling.

Emmy’s eyebrows pull together and she scoots herself on his chest. She pulls on his chin until his pretty blue eyes meet hers.

“What’s on your mind?” she asks.

Luke brings his left arm down from behind his head to settle it on her waist. His fingers slip beneath her shirt to tickle her back and goosebumps rise at his feather light touch on her skin.

“I think I want to go back home.”

“To Aus?”

“N-no . . . my house. Here. In LA,” his Adam’s apple works in his throat.

“Oh,” Emmy squeaks then clears her throat. “Okay. When? Today?”

“Maybe. Yeah. . . I think so. I don’t know,” he closes his eyes breathing deeply through his nose.

“I’ll go with you,” she offers, “unless you want to go alone.”

“No, I want you to come with me, lovie. It’ll help having you there.”

“Okay,” she touches his cheek and his eyes open. She smiles softly. “Hi.”

“Hi pretty girl,” he lifts his head stretching forward to give her a soft kiss.

“Can I try something?” she asks resting her hand on his lower stomach.

“Like what?” He gives her a quizzical look.

“Liiiike what you did for me last night. . .” she slides her hand lower under the sheet and onto his boxers. She rubs her palm over his dick gently and Luke inhales sharply. “. . . but I want to do it for you.”

“You don’t have to Ems,” he licks his lips as she continues to palm him.

He’s getting harder in her hand and he blinks slowly at her soft tugging.

“I want to,” she breathes leaning up to kiss him and she slips her hand underneath his boxers. He’s warm and soft in her hand as she strokes him lazily.

Luke inhales sharply again, his hand squeezes her waist.

“Can I?” she kisses his neck then slides down the length of his body.

“Mhm,” he hums lifting his hips so she can pull his boxers down.

Emmy kisses his tummy softly and continues to give open mouthed kisses on his skin until she kisses the tip of his dick. She continues to mouth him, opening her mouth to let her tongue swirl around his tip.

“Baby,” he sighs and Emmy takes more of him in her mouth.

“Quiet,” she whispers jerking her head to the door behind her. Michael and Crystal are asleep down the hall and she did not want to wake them up like this.

Luke nods and Emmy hollows out her cheeks to take him in her mouth as far as she can go, salivating on him so she can pump him with her hand. Luke’s grunting and groaning softly, watching her every move. He loves the way her head bobs up and down slowly and the way she swirls her tongue up and down his shaft.

He jerks his hips gently with her movements, his fingers comb through her hair and she moves faster. Luke’s panting heavily until he feels his release coming, with a low grunt and no warning, he’s coming in her mouth.

“Babe, babe, Ems,” he gasps trying to get her mouth off him but she swallows all he’s giving her.

Luke throws his head back on the pillows, heart racing, and his body spent. It’s been so long since he’s gotten head, he’s a little embarrassed it didn’t take him long to orgasm to but to have Emmy doing it for him was amazing.

Emmy wipes the corner of her mouth, wincing a little but gives Luke a smile nonetheless.

“Sorry, that’s . . . it’s been a while,” he sighs blinking slowly.

“Did you like it?” her eyes big.

“Yes, baby, I loved it,” he gives her a glazed smile. “C’mere.”

His fingers are in her hair again and they kiss lazily until Michael is banging on the door complaining about how he’s hungry and they’re all going out for breakfast.

•••••

Emmy joins Luke at the front door of his house, he’s twirling his keys between his fingers. She grabs hold of his bicep and Luke gives a small grin that looks more like a grimace then inserts the key. He takes Emmy’s hand in his and leads her inside.

Emmy looks around the space, it’s very modern with a lot of sharp edged furniture. Everything is in its own place and very black and white. It’s the furthest thing from Luke and Emmy didn’t like it at all.

“Well, this is it,” he gestures, “What do you think?”

“It’s very. . .” Emmy scans the empty kitchen and bare walls. “Clean.”

Luke snorts walking her down the hall. “It’s very Lea. She chose everything.”

Emmy frowns at that and peeks in the rooms before they stop in a bedroom she assumes is his room. It’s also very modern and monochromatic. The only splash of color is from a potted plant in the corner that is surely fake, no wonder Lea chose it.

Emmy moves to the window to see a nice view of of the hills and a small pool that’s in serious need of some care. When she turns around, Luke is sitting on the bed watching her with a thoughtful expression.

“What’s running through your mind, honey bun?” she asks threading her fingers through his curls.

He smiles at the nickname and grabs hold of her thigh, his thumb rubs circles on her exposed skin below her shorts.

“I want to get rid of everything. Repaint the walls, get new furniture and a new bed,” he grins deviously up at her and pulls her closer.

“I think that’s a marvelous idea,” she smiles.

“Do you want to help me?”

“Really? I don’t want to intrude—“

“You won’t,” he shakes his head, “I want your opinion since . . .”

“Since what?”

“Since I want you to visit and I want you to visit a lot and I want you to like it too.”

Emmy melts into his arms, hugging him tightly. His arms are wrapped around her and he pulls her onto his lap.

“Is that okay?” he asks in her ear.

“It’s more than okay. That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard, Luke,” she kisses his shoulder.

“You’re the sweetest thing.”

•••••

Luke and Emmy got to work right away on remodeling his house. He donated all of his furniture and hired a cleaning crew for the whole house, and the pool before the painters come.

While the painters were doing their job, Luke and Emmy went furniture shopping. He was a little apprehensive at first, but only because flashbacks of when he and Lea did the same thing she chose everything while Luke followed along silently.

But with Emmy, she made everything fun and lighthearted. She tested each couch cushion, pulling him down with her. It’s like she was goldilocks and Luke felt like he was anything but the big bad wolf like how Lea made him feel.

He decided on a blue couch with gray armchairs for the living room and he chose a king sized bed and a dark red armchair for his bedroom. It would all be delivered by next week which would be crunch time because in two weeks they’d be leaving for Bali.

As they were leaving the furniture store to go decoration shopping, Luke noticed some familiar photographers hanging around across the street. He remembers how Emmy nearly fell the last time she was around the paps and he took hold of her hand.

Was that already two months ago?

Luke keeps glancing at her once he’s driving to the next store and he can’t believe the timeline of him and Emmy.

Growing up, she was always Mikey’s younger sister who wanted to play video games and hang out with them all the time. When their music career began, they lost touch and sight of each other but he thought about her often.

“What’re you thinking so hard about over there?” Emmy pulls him out of his reverie just as they climb out of the car.

“You,” he answers simply holding out his hand for her to take. He doesn’t miss the blush on her cheeks and Luke loves it.

“Oh,” she giggles softly.

The decorating was his favorite thing to shop for because Emmy got so animated about everything she saw. She’d say where it would look best in his house and how it would pair nicely with something else she found in another aisle. Being with Emmy was as easy as breathing and blinking. He didn’t have to think about it, it just . . . felt so right.

Emmy is pointing out bookends that are guitars and Luke steps forward and places his finger under her chin so he can kiss her softly. His lips move against hers slowly, wanting to show her how delicate she is and deserves to be treated with such care.

“What was that for?” she exhales smiling up at him.

“I’m happy you’re here with me, Pip.” Luke’s fingers brush her hair back over her shoulder.

“You haven’t called me that since I got here,” she giggles.

“I know, you’re still my Pipsqueak. I think I’ve got all we need, ready to go back to your brother’s?”

She nods slowly taking his hand and they exit the store. As soon as they step into the hot LA sun, their names are being shouted left and right while a multitude of shutter speeds click a mile a minute. Emmy immediately coils into Luke’s side and he shifts his arm around her shoulders guiding her to the car.

“Is it true you and Lea are talking things through?”

“How does Michael feel about you with his sister?”

“What’s it like dating Luke?”

“Are you moving in together?”

“Do you still love Lea?”

The questions were fired from left and right and each time Lea was mentioned Luke tensed up and it only made him approach the car that much faster. Luke shields Emmy’s body with his own so she could get into the car safely and Luke hurried to his side.

Thankfully, the photographers backed away so Luke could peel out of the parking lot. His hands were shaking against the wheel, he flinches when Emmy grabs hold of his fingers with her own. He lets her place his hand in her lap where she caressed his fingers in a soothing way.

He calmed down immediately.

•••••

A week has gone by and Luke’s house is finally complete. He invites Emmy over first so they can be alone before he shows the others. They did this together and he wanted to revel in their job well done.

“Luke, it’s so amazing!” she gushes eyeing the piano he selected.

The space seems more like Luke, it’s open and warm and full of color.

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” he smiles leaning against his kitchen counter. He watches her peer at the guitar bookends on his shelf on either side of his TV. Her smile is radiant as she approaches him, his arms hold onto her waist loosely.

“Does it feel like home?”

His eyes search hers before he leans down pressing his lips to hers, he pulls her tighter against him. One hand travels to her neck and her hands hold onto the sides of his waist. The kiss becomes needy quickly and filled with so much desire Emmy gasps for breath but Luke moves his lips to her neck.

Emmy sighs, her fingers play with the ends of his curls that are getting longer before she starts to work on his buttons and his hands slide under her shirt. They remove the articles of clothing onto the floor, Luke’s fingers slip under the straps of her bra gliding them down her shoulders.

Luke pulls his mouth away from hers to look at her, her eyes are shining and her chest is rising heavily as she tries to catch her breath. To his surprise, she unfastens her bra and lets it fall to the floor between them. Emmy lifts her arms around his neck connecting their lips once more and Luke hoists her legs around his waist.

Lips still molding together, he peeks through his lids as he makes his way to his bedroom and places her on his bed gently. He moves to his knees on the floor as he pulls her shorts and underwear off, his mouth hot on her skin as he did so. He kisses up her leg, tongue delving between her pussy lips slowly.

Emmy sighs above him and he hums against her before removing his own clothes. Her hands reach for him as he reaches for her and then he’s hovering above her. Their eyes meet and they have a silent conversation as she settles herself beneath him and takes hold of him.

He kisses her as he pushes into her carefully. Moaning and sighing with bodies rolling like waves, they find the perfect rhythm easily. Their fingers slot together next to her head and their kisses become sloppy as their movements quicken.

They breathe each other in and when she clenches around him, Luke moans her name in her ear as she fills his with the chorus of her moans. As she comes notes and lyrics fill his head and he moves faster, grunting with each pull and thrust until he’s coming as well.

When he’s finished, he lifts his head to see she’s already staring at him, soft expression on her face and their fingers unlock. Soft pecks to her lips and all over her face makes her laugh and he caresses her cheek.

“You feel like home,” he tells her. She bites her lip then cuddles into his chest, kissing every inch of him she can.

•••••

Bali has been nothing but exceptional for Emmy and she loved having Luke show her around to his favorite spots. During the day they’d do activities like zip lining, visit the Uluwatu Temple and the monkey temple where they each got photos of a little monkey on their shoulders.

Each night they’d have dinner with Michael and everybody else then enjoy a large bonfire on the beach where Luke held Emmy between his legs in the sand. Michael kept a careful eye on them both, more so than when they were back home in LA. He picked up on different things here than back at home.

Like how whenever Luke would look at his sister, he’d have an instant smile on his face and when Emmy would be talking Luke listened very carefully. He always walked with her on the inside of the roads and when they’d join together again if they got split up from sight-seeing, he’d kiss her cheek.

Michael took notice of his sister’s actions as well. While they were looking at the trinket shops, her eyes would be on the token in her hand while her other reached for Luke who would be by her side instantly and she hadn’t even said his name. He noticed the way her face brightened when Luke would greet her with a kiss or simply look at her.

It made Michael happy that his best friend and his sister were so happy together. Especially for Luke, he didn’t seem so broken anymore. It also made Michael realize how grown up his sister is now. She’s no longer the little sister who followed them around wanting to play games and listen to their music.

“You’re quiet, that means you’re thinking something,” Crystal says sitting next to him on the couch out by the pool.

Michael’s eyes are focused on Luke and Emmy across the way in the pool. His sister has her legs in the water while Luke’s arms are resting on her thighs and they’re just talking to each other. Emmy dips her hand in the water then slicks back Luke’s curls, she smiles at something he says.

“I think they’re in love,” Michael finally speaks up, his fingers twiddling together.

“I think so too,” Crystal smiles placing her hand over his just as Emmy squealed in laughter as Luke pulled her into the water with him.

Later that night, before everyone disappeared for bed, Michael pulls Luke aside.

“What’s up?” Luke asks.

Michael gazes at one of his best friends for a moment, Luke’s skin color is tanner from the holiday sun, the dark circles under his eyes are gone completely and his eyes don’t have that hard edge to them anymore. He’s a completely different person from when he was with Lea and he had his little sister to thank.

“Um, I know we sort of talked about this at the club but . . . you’re serious about Ems, aren’t you?” Michael flat out asks.

Luke softens at her name and he nods, his fingers run through his unruly curls. Michael’s noticed he’s let his hair grow out, he seems freer.

“Yeah, I am,” Luke breathes, “she’s really special and important to me, Mike.”

“I can tell,” Michael smiles. “I wanted to tell you how happy I am for the both of you and I’m glad you have each other. It’s great seeing you as yourself again, man.”

“It feels good to be myself again, I have her to thank for it. But, uh, thanks for telling me. I still think you’re going to try and beat me up,” Luke chuckles.

“I have thought about it only because of my natural protective brother instincts,” Michael laughs along, “but you’re not a tiny breadstick anymore.”

They bump fists and then hug each other tightly before splitting off in the direction of their rooms.

When Luke finds Emmy she’s just getting out of the bathroom, her hair wet and she smiles at him when she walks by.

“Couldn’t wait to shower with me?” he teases following her to the bed. She sits cross legged in the center of it.

“It was a quick one just to get the sand off. What did my brother want?”

Luke sits next to her and takes her hands in his that are resting in her lap.

“He told me he’s happy we have each other.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Luke’s eyes flicker to hers. “Which is great because there’s something I’ve been wanting to show you. . .”

He pulls out his phone and opens up his voice notes app. Emmy watches him scroll down a few until he presses play and sets his phone on her bare knee.

His singing voice croons through the speaker and the sound of the ocean waves makes it even more special as he sings:

You came and topped them all You shine in the dead of the night And I was the first to fall

Fading away, fading away Wake up to someone with nothing to say I never change, though I'd never change Then you come and change it all

With your love, your love, I'm a better, better man With your love, your love, I'm a better, better man Darling, all of my wrongs, they lead me right to you Wrapped in your arms, I swear I'd….

  When the recording stopped, Emmy stares at Luke with wide eyes as she lets the piano and the lyrics resonate in her mind. He scoots closer to her then brushes his fingers on her cheek, his eyes focused on hers.

“I love you, Emmy,” he breathes without missing a beat.

His voice is soft as petals falling to the floor and Emmy’s heart catapults in her chest. Her lips widen in a smile and she lifts herself onto her knees to give him a big kiss. Luke’s hands hold onto her lower back as he kisses her back then they fall onto the bed together.

“I love you, too Luke,” she says on his lips.

They roll over together, lips and fingers interlocked anchoring each other. Luke’s no longer a castaway adrift at sea from a broken relationship void of love. Now he’s with Emmy, his shining lighthouse who makes him the better man he was always meant to be.

• • • •

Copyright talkfastromance4 © All works is intellectual property of the author. All rights reserved. Any redistribution or reproduction or any part or all contents in any form is prohibited. You may not, without written expression and consent from the author, distribute works amongst other social media platforms

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[nagitoandkokichioneshots]

Please give a warm welcome to my Danganronpa OC’s!

Mod Mikan: It is with great pleasure that I announce we have official hit 200 followers, which means OC fest can official start! Send in your Danganronpa OC’s or just ask my OC’s questions if you wanna! Thank you guys so much for 200 followers! You have stuck by my side in my worst times and still managed to show me that nice people, in fact, DO exist! OC fest will take over the whole week of this blog, ending on March 10th, so there will be plenty of time to interact with each other! Tysm again and please have fun! Go nuts! XOXO

Name: Gina Sasaki

Age: 16-17

Birthday: December 2nd 

Height: 5′6

Weight: 121 lbs

Talent: Ultimate (Super High School Level) Philanthropist/Humanitarian 

Friends: Hajime, Chiaki, Mikan, Ibuki, Sonia, and Kazuichi 

S/O: Nagito 

Appearance: Gina has long brown hair that is faded somewhat pink at the ends, and blue eyes. Her hair is curled at the ends and she has side bangs that are clipped back by a pink carnation barrette. She usually wears a short Prussian blue shirtdress with a black sparkly tie underneath a black denim jacket with gold buttons, black sheer tights, and white heeled boots that reaches her mid-calf. After her and Nagito start to date, she is seen wearing a lot of jewelry he has gifted her, as well as swapping her jacket for his to wear :)

Personality: Just like what Nagito says and in her talent name, Gina is the literal embodiment of hope! She carries a cheerful and mature attitude wherever she goes, brightening the room she was just in and the corridor she was walking through. She is described as an older sister figure, both for her caring nature and compassionate heart. She was called “Onee-san” by some kids in Hope Peak’s elementary and the orphanages she worked at. She is very experienced with kids, due to her working often as local orphanages, daycares, and schools. She adores children and seeking a good future for others. Because of her desire to spread hope to despairing parts of the world, she is seen as an optimist most the time and has high expectations for what the future will hold with her help. Sonia even describes her as having “a very bright attitude and heart of gold” and Nagito calls her “His angel of hope”. She’s confident in her skills, seeing the impact she has had on others. However, because of her claimed ‘big sister’ figure, she also has quite a reputation for being a bit nosy, meddlesome, and being too immersed in her work, she will forget to take care of herself. She is also extremely helpful, even if the person in need is a total stranger

Strengths: Helpful, supportive, caring, compassionate, patient, mature, relaxed, optimistic, cheerful, and confident 

Weaknesses: Meddlesome, a picky eater (some even call her a ‘churro snob’) can forget to take care of herself, a bit navie, her expectations can be a bit too high, and her happy-go-lucky attitude can be inappropriate at times

Hobbies and Interests: Working at charities, promoting fundraisers, donating money and time, volunteering, playing soccer, baking (churros are her favorite), and reading 

Family: Haruka Sasaki (Mother) and Daisuke Sasaki (Half older brother). Her father is unknown 

Backstory: Before Gina was born, her mother was a Japanese tourist that loved to travel around the world. One day, she visited Spain where she met a handsome and charming man. It was on Haruka’s last night visiting Barcelona where they hooked up and performed unsafe sex. Haruka left Spain the next day, unaware that hookup had gotten her pregnant. Even after Haruka learned she was pregnant and put the puzzle pieces together that it was from her hookup back in Spain, she didn’t care. She loved her future daughter and would give her the best life she would. And, if you haven’t figured it out, yes: That was also how Gina’s older half brother came into the picture--Daisuke was also the result of a hookup Haruka had years ago. As a result, Daisuke was half American and Gina was half Spanish. Daisuke was around five years old when his sister was born 

Gina was raised in a typical household, minus a dad. But that didn’t bother her, since she had her mother (The former SHSL Pediatrician) and her older brother who was kinda like a father figure (The former SHSL Veterinarian). Since bother her mother and older brother were alumni of Hope Peak’s academy, everyone expected Gina to carry the family tradition and enroll in the institute too. Which is exactly what she did, applying with the title “Ultimate Philanthropist”! Gina was already involved in many charities and organizations prior to applying, so she had several references to back up her almost inhumane amounts of creditable sources

Her love for bettering the lives of the less fortunate started when she was around five years old, when she made a visit to the veterinarian office her brother was volunteering at. The patients and Daisuke himself was impressed with her comforting skills, managing to put the animals at ease with just a few reassuring words and head pats. Gina also displayed an identical charm towards the little kids at her mother’s doctor’s office, where she made the once scared toddlers and babies feel at ease and comfortable. She tells Hajime in her free-time events that taking care of others and comforting them came naturally to her. She also informs him that she doesn’t understand how heartless people could be, hearing the stories that landed kids into orphanages/foster care. It was then her family noticed her talent emerging and shining through her--she was born to be a humanitarian! Because of her gift, her mother decided to put it to use and take it one step further: Her, Daisuke, and Gina started to sign her up for as many charities and fundraisers they could find. Overtime, with hard-work and dedication, Gina became a well-known philanthropist, earning a slight fame reputation for her awing actions. She was accepted into the academy, due to these references, where she met her friends, and of course, her beloved Nagito

Cool headcanons! 

-She considers Sonia her best friend and is usually the one teaching her Japanese customs and idioms so she could learn more figurative saying and metaphors

-She once hosted a charity event featuring Hiyoko’s dancing. Because of this, Hiyoko doesn’t really pick on her that much but still drops a subtle “Priss” or “Goody-goody”. Though, it’s clear her insults aren’t as hurtful as the one she uses with others 

-She once pulled a prank on Hajime with Nagito and bedazzled his tie when he was taking a nap. When Hajime woke up, he freaked out while Gina and Nagito laughed and high fived each other. When Hajime noticed them he scolded them, but Nagito blushed and said “I’m so sorry, Hajime. But Gina asked me to help her. And you know I’d do anything for my hope” 

-For a fundraiser idea, Gina once suggested a car wash and enlisted Kazuichi to help her. She asked him with every washing she does, he would fix up the car mileage to make it run even faster and smoother as a little ‘surprise’. Ever since that day, they’ve been great friends 

-Chiaki keeps urging Gina to have a gaming fundraiser, which has been on Gina’s mind for quite a while 

-She has a collection of different flower shaped hair clips and keeps them in a heart shaped box

-She dry cleans her ties and even used her own glitter gun to make her black tie sparkly (and prank Hajime) 

-She helps Mikan restock the infirmary with medications and even aids her when treating her patients, due to her medical knowledge from her mother and big brother

-Even though she never met her father before, she still immerses herself in Spanish culture so on the faithful day she will met him, they can easily bond

-Sonia taught her Spanish when Gina told her about her plan to meet her father one day 

-Churros are Gina’s favorite food! She learned how to bake them at a young age while studying Spanish culture and even makes chocolate/caramel syrup to go along with them

-She plays soccer in her free time so she has an excuse to eat more churros 

-She loves to read comic books too and has a whole collection of them underneath her bed. If you were to look at the pages of some of them, there’s grease/chocolate smudges from when she was snacking on churros while reading them 

And.........

Name: Yukari Nakamura

Age: 16-17

Birthday: January 12th 

Height: 5′4

Weight: 119 lbs

Talent: Ultimate Chess Master

Friends: Shuichi, Kaede, Miu, Angie, Tenko, and Rantaro

S/O: Kokichi 

Appearance: Yukari has long, straight platinum blond hair topped off with a black ribbon headband and red eyes. She usually wears a black button up blouse with short puff sleeves, a short white pleated skirt, and black ankle boots. She also wears a black choker, black short gloves, and silver chess earrings (one being the king pawn and the other being the queen) 

Personality: At first glance, Yukari comes off as arrogant, loud, and rowdy. As the Ultimate Chess Master, many people would expect her to be refined, sophisticated, and formal. Unlike the high expectations everyone had for her, Yukari doesn’t care about what others think of her, and only cares takes in her own opinions and (very much after they start to date) Kokichi’s. Yukari refers to herself as “The awesome me” or “Ore-Sama”, even having what Kaito calls an “out of this world ego”. Maki even rolls her eyes every time Yukari praises herself and mutters “She gets too excited about everything” and “90% of what she says is just feeding her ego”. While Yukari may seem unruly, noisy, and prideful at first, she also as a whimsical and playful side to her. She takes great pleasure in doing goofy, and slightly childish things, other than chess, whether it would be pulling pranks with Kokichi, playing video games, watching cartoons, or playing laser tag. She even states that chess is the only ‘mature’ thing about her and she absolutely hates it. Not the game, but the association it has with being ‘elegant and civilized”. She believes that she should be able to like whatever ‘the awesome me’ wants without people judging her solely on that hobby. Like Kokichi, she also states that when people grow up, they shouldn’t lose their childish side, which is very well seen with her. Even though Yukari is brash, fanciful, mischievous, beneath that cocky exterior lies a diligent, hard-working girl that cares deeply about her loved ones. You can even say she’s the “Kirigiri/Nanami” of the trials 

Strengths: Intelligent, tenacious, crafty, clever, quirky, confident, energetic, surprisingly caring, and cheerful

Weaknesses: Arrogant, conceited, can come off as rude at points, unrestrained, chaotic, devious, her ‘cheerfulness’ can be inappropriate at times

Hobbies and Interests: Playing chess, planing pranks, laser tag, watching anime, reading manga, playing board/video games, eating/stashing candy, just vibing and having a good time

Family: Natasha Ivanov (Mother) and Karma Nakamura 

Backstory: Like Gina, Yukari is mixed race. Her father’s side is Japanese, but her mother is from Russian decent. She was raised in a decent, upper-class family. Her mother worked as a business woman that started her company back in Moscow, Russia. However, she met Karma on a business trip to Tokyo and fell in love with him. She decided, in order to continue her job and be with her love, she would set up a Japanese branch of her company and make do with several business trips back to Russia and her new home in Tokyo. Because of this, Yukari never spent much time with her mother, since Natasha was almost always out on business trips. This left Yukari with her father, who was very strict with her. He punished Yukari severely for the littlest things, watched her like a hawk to the brink of not giving her any privacy, and made helicopter parents look laid-back in comparison to his overbearing nature. He expected Yukari to take over her mother’s business, and because she was the heiress he wanted a 'perfect daughter’--no mistakes, no flaws, no slip-ups, no exceptions!

Yukari was homeschooled for most of her life, tutors coming in one by one to educate Yukari. She tells Shuichi during her free-time events that she once heard her father giving her tutor permission to physically abuse her if she got below a 98% on her home tests. She also explains that chess was the one game she was allowed to play, since her father deemed it ‘sophisticated enough’. She explains during rare times when her mother was back in Tokyo, they would enjoy a friendly game of chess over tea. Yukari even stated that she enjoyed the game, especially playing it with her mother. However, if Yukari lost a game to her father, he would yell and lecture her, making her reread the entire rule book, cover to cover. She states that even though her father was cruel, he was kind of the reason why she was extremely good at chess

Yukari was isolated from other kids, not knowing that abuse wasn’t normal. She thought that all kids go through the kind of traumatic and harsh treatment she went through. Because of this, she hid her insecurities underneath her arrogant and egotistical persona. She was given the message “Showing weaknesses are bad” so she decided to project nothing but confidence--even if it meant going overboard like she mainly does. She also loves childish things due to her lack of childhood fun and games. She was raised to be a robot, basically. It wasn’t until she was accepted into the Ultimate academy for Gifted Juveniles where she made friends and she learned that they were allowed to watch cartoons, play video games, and sports. She was speechless. She secretly started to join her friends for all the festivities they invited her to learn and join in on, never telling her father. They even started to help her hide manga and movie DVD’s from him. The father she knew was downright abusive towards her. Yukari still secretly struggles with her own self-esteem, wanting to be perfect. She also keeps meeting up with her friends, learning what fun is and embracing a childish side, as well as a rebellious one she picked up. Even though she has to face her father at home, she now knows that he cannot take away who she really is deep down

Cool headcanons!

-Even though Kokichi LOVES to prank her, the pranks he pulls on her are pretty harmless because he will NEVER want to hurt his queen 

-Oh, and yes, Kokichi calls Yukari “The Supreme Leader’s queen” as well as his ‘partner in crime’ when plotting pranks on the others with her 

-Some nights, they’ll sneak into Shuichi’s house and scare him by blowing an airhorn next to his ear when he’s watching TV or reading a book 

-Kokichi loves to buy Yukari chocolates shaped like chess pieces in a chess themed box 

-Yukari always challenges Kiibo to a game of chess to see who would win, but every time they played together, they never finished. Either Kokichi or Miu interrupted

-Yukari is surprisingly a studyholic. She is in the same honor class as Tsumigi and strives for straight A’s 

-She once challenged Maki to a game, just wanting to win to brag in her face. Though, Maki declined

-When Yukari offered a game a second time Maki asked her “Do you want to die?” which Yukari smiled and replied “No, but thanks of the offer” (if anyone gets that reference, I love you :))

-Yukari is fond of cute things, like kittens and rabbits. She use to have a Turkish Van as a pet, but it died shortly after Yukari got accepted into Hope Peaks

-She once got into a fight with Kokichi when he pulled a ‘cheating prank’ on her. Yukari sought comfort with Tenko and Angie, pouring her heart out towards her friends. When Kokichi came and tried to apologize, Tenko was ready to whoop his ass (Best girl=Tenko :))

-Kokichi bought them matching capes, hats, and even a scarf so everyone knows that she’s his and only his 

-In the relationship, both of them seem to be the dominant. However, in bed, Yukari is DEF the top ;)

-People don’t usually mess with Yukari cause she’s loud and rowdy, so they’re usually just annoyed and rolls their eyes. However, if anyone ANYONE messes with her anyways, Kokichi will not hesitate to send DICE on their ass 

[writethroughyoursoul]

LOVE IS BLIND: A SELFISH LOVE

One chilly and cold night, a sound of a child crying out loud could be heard. She was desperate to run through the playground to hide, someone calling her "Ella, please hear us out first. Don't do this, my daughter." While crossing the road, she was hit by a taxi driver and then... "Please, Doctor, do everything you can to save my daughter. I don't know what to do, help me Oh God!" A serious situation happening at the emergency room, the child was in severe condition, the doctor was trying to save her. After how many minutes, she was saved, and her parents were restless while talking to the investigator to investigate the case of her child. "Have you seen the plate number of the taxi, Ma'am?" the investigator said. "No, things happened fast but I think the driver was under the influence of alcohol, his car was wiggling and luring to left and right," said her mother. "We'll do everything to resolve the case, thank you for your cooperation." The investigators leave the hospital. Unfortunate things happen the day that the child knew her parents decided to divorce. The doctor approach them and said: "Ma'am, we did our best but the impact that was done was severe and it damages the veins in her eyes. Sorry to say, but she wouldn't be able to see again, she's now blind." Her mother was left in awe. She resented herself for what happened to her daughter. Time passes, 11 years after the accident. Ella and her mother were back at the hospital, they've been visiting once a month for a check-up and getting information about the eye donor who wants to donate eyes for Ella. "Ma'am the donor kept on changing decisions; I will let you know once it's final. So far Ella was in a good condition and ready for an eye transplant." He gladly tells Ella and her mother. "Thank you for your kindness, doctor." Leaving the hospital, Ella held her mother's hand, upon the shining ray of sunlight her smile can be seen. She was happy upon hearing that any time soon, she would be able to see the world, again. "Mom, are you bothered? You don't have to worry about me, it's alright I can still wait even after another 11 years. I will." They both headed home. One afternoon, Judith, her mother prepared lunch for her children and to comfort Ella. She asked her older son, Cher to look after her dish as she was going to check if Ella's awake. Judith was excitedly hopping her way upstairs to check Ella who was listening to jazz music. She knocked on her door and slightly opened it. “I’m coming in, Ella” She saw her lovely daughter and as the wind blew the curtain through the window of her room. Ella’s hair flips, and her beauty shows right through her pure soul. Judith reminds of her when she was a teenager like Ella, it made her emotional upon seeing Ella suffering from their mistakes. Ella was into jazz music, listening to it once she woke up in the morning. It helped her clear her thoughts and put peace through her mind and soul. "Oh, my lovely daughter! You have a heart for jazz music, just like your father. Prepare quickly for lunch, I have something to tell you." Judith was excited too. "Yes, mom. I'll be there as fast as I can." They both giggled. Abundant food serves in a rectangular shape table good for the whole family. All delighted to smell the aroma of freshly baked macaroni pasta, Ella's favorite dish. "Sister, come here I'll guide you to your seat," said Cher who was excited to taste every dish served. She replied: "Hmm... I can sense your excitement over the food, Cher thank you so much." They are all together, laughing and chatting, catching up with each other. And then Judith suddenly remembers something she wants to tell them, especially Ella. "Alright guys, can I interrupt for a minute? I have something to say to your sister, Ella finally... She now has a donor. The doctor confirmed it to me. "Oh really, Mom! I am happy for you sister." Ella was happy upon hearing the good news but can’t deny that she was worried. "Mom what if he changes his mind, what if..." "It's alright, I thought you said you can still wait until another 11 years?"

she jokingly said. "We have to strengthen our faith from now on. I believe, this time." Ella replied to her: "Just to make sure I want to meet my donor mom." "I want to thank him and know what makes him decide to donate his eyes." Judith was wondering whether she would let her daughter meet her donor. It would be hard for her if he changes his mind after they meet. She does not want Ella to lose hope. Phone ringing, a man was disturbed by its sound, tossing, and turning around his bed while a ray of sunlight touches the skin that awakens him. He reached for his phone. "Hello, this is Roel. Who's this? He answered the phone with a raspy voice. " Ahm... Sorry for disturbing you, I am the Doctor from St. Teresa's eye hospital. I just wanted to inform you that we already contacted the mother of the donee. Do you want to meet them in person?" Roel jumps out of his bed as he nervously replies to the Doctor. He stuttered and put down his phone. Roel doesn't know what to do, he restlessly walks back and forth in his room. He seems worried and scared about his decision. Back in time, Roel found out the truth. His father went to his school to take him home after school hours. "Oh, son here!" "Sorry for waiting, I just did something." Roel smells the alcohol stinks from his father. He knew that he drinks before coming to his school. He questioned his father. "Dad are you drunk; I can smell alcohol in you." He was a little irritated. "I just sip a little, I wasn't drunk. I would've come here and got you a ride if I was drunk," said his father. Roel continues to question him, "Dad how true that you killed someone by accident before because of your irresponsible drinking while driving?" His father was surprised to hear that from him. "Aren't you going to take responsibility for what happened? How long will you hide and face the consequences?" "I never thought that way, I didn't run away from the accident. I was scared to be away from your mother. You know she was sick and up for eye surgery when that unfortunate thing happened. I don't know what to do, I can't help it." There was a fast car approaching, Roel and his father got into an accident which caused his father’s death. It was another painful memory for him. Roel decided to meet his donee's family. He's nervous to death thinking that he will meet the family of the victim of his Father's reckless driving. He sends a text message containing: "I'm on my way, Mrs. Judith. I'm sorry it would take some time." Mrs. Judith was busy early this morning preparing everything for their visitor. She's grinning and felt excited while humming as someone knocked on the door. They warmly welcome him to their house, opening the door he sees the ever lovely, Ella who was then patiently waiting for him. Roel can't imagine that Ella would be this pretty. He suddenly felt guilt and sadness seeing her suffer what his father did. Time slowed down; he was stunned by her beauty as if she fell in love. "No, stop it Roel. Think about what your father did to her." He quietly talks to himself. Their lunch was full of conversation. They get to know each other well. Roel decided to not say anything about his father and the accident. Roel visited Ella’s house to catch up with one another. He always assists Ella whenever she needs him. Their days and nights repeat. As another year unfolds right into their eyes. Slowly, step by step they develop feelings for one another. As the calendar flashes in a blink of an eye, years and years have passed. In present years in 2021, Roel confessed his feelings toward Ella. They’ve known each other for a very long time. Somehow, they’ve forgotten about her eye surgery but Roel promised him that he would give her his eyes. It just turns out for good that she had fallen in love. How great it would be to have each other’s company. Ella felt the assurance of having Roel by her side. But it can't be denied how worried she was if the time has come that Roel would be leaving and have his eyes, one that only remains a gift from the one he loved. No one can’t break true love. Roel and

Ella told Judith about it, and she gave them her blessings. She wasn't against their love, after all, Roel was a good man but he reminded him of his promise to Ella and her as well. “Promise is a promise, Mom. I love Ella as much as you love her, I won't let you down. Think of it as another gift I could give to her. This was the only thing I could do to pay for...” He slips his tongue and forgets that he hasn't told everything yet, the truth about him and his father’s mistake many years ago. They happily ended their conversation with a warm hug. 5 years passed. They have created a lovely family consisting of 2 children, a daughter, and a son. Despite Ella's condition, she is patiently and willing to wait for more years. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with Roel and her children. They've been living peacefully for 5 years and things went a change. While rummaging through her husband's stuff, a recorder fell on the ground. Not knowing what it's, she reached for it and the recorder played. She heard a voice, recorded by her husband, Roel. The message contains: “Ella, by the time you are listening to this. I am sorry and to your family as well. I am too selfish; it is all my fault. I should've not let myself fall in love with you. My father wants to surrender himself by the time the accident happened. He just wanted to be on the day my mother's eye surgery was held. Now that they are both gone, I just wanted to pay for his sins. I indeed loved you, but I didn't know that this would be very hard. Please forgive, even though I didn't deserve your forgiveness for everything that I've done.” Ella was surprised, she was left in awe and disbelief. She threw the voice recorder and began to cry out loud. "No, this can't be true." It seems like the world has stopped and another bad news comes from his brother calling from the hospital. "Ella, your husband was in the hospital. He was involved in an accident going to Mom's home." said his brother who was panicking now. She was going to the hospital but suddenly told the driver to change direction. While going away from the heartbreak, she called her mother. "Mom, do you know... that Roel's father was the one responsible for the accident that happened to me?" she said it while containing herself from what happened. "I just heard that he wanted to meet me before his accident happened and I guess he planned to tell me about that matter." said her Mother. "This can't be true. I can't believe this was happening to me." She began to cry. "Ella, as much as I wanted to give justice for what happened. Roel is gone, and the Doctor is asking me if you would still want to be Roel's eye donee." Judith sounds worried. She knew this would be hard for her daughter. “Where are you? Let’s talk about this in person. You can’t do this alone.” “He made a promise, Mom. I thought he loved me, but it seems like he didn't care about my feelings at all. He loves himself more than me.” Ella felt betrayed, they were both blinded by love. Six months after the misery and traumatic situation, Ella’s children were in Judith’s care. She’s taking the kids for a shower when she receives a call. It was from her daughter, Ella who had been away for a long time. “Mom, it’s me Ella. I’m coming home, I have a surprise for all of you. I’m sorry for leaving, I’m good and ready to face everything now.” She said while her voice was shaking, she teared up a bit. “I’m glad you’re coming back. I’ve already prepared everything for your OB Foundation that you said.” Judith was delighted to hear her daughter happy, again. In the airport, a place where either you would be separated and or reunited from your loved ones. The sound of airplanes landing through the runway, which excites the kids who are waiting for their mother to arrive. Kids hopping and giggling with each other, no words can't express how they’re longing for their Mother’s embrace. “Children, Mom’s here!” Ella shouted with joy. “How nice to see your faces. Mommy can see now.” Ella’s voice cracked. “Ella, I cannot believe this! Can you really see us now?”

You’re now seeing the world. Judith was obviously surprised. On the way home, Ella tells Judith exactly what happened after she left the country. “Before I leave after the incident, I’ve been waiting for OB Foundation’s confirmation about my eye surgery. I left the country not just to move on to life, but the surgery was supposed to be done in the United States of America. After the recovery they want me to be part of the foundation and to serve as a living proof. I did, and I always wanted to give back to people and to the world. Even before, although I can’t see the world, I knew how painful it is to see the world and its people suffering. With the help of the foundation, I started a new whole life, again.” Ella reminisces about her hardships it was painful, indeed. After a couple of days, Ella’s family decided to go to the church and to visit her husband's tomb. Hand in hand walking the streets with her children grin ear to ear. She tightly holds their hands as she feels guilty and sorry for what happened and that at an early age they’re separated from their deceased father. Ella parted ways with her husband, leaving with a heartfelt message that she always wanted to tell. “We’re too selfish Roel, we were both blinded by love that leads our lives into miserable ones. I know how much you loved me, and you know how much I loved you. I’m sorry, it took a lot of time for me to accept all of this. I refused to have your eyes and I've already decided even before things happened; it is the only way I could think to repay your love to me. Until we see each other again, Roel.” I hope that the story was able to touch your heart.

-ASTER

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #338

“i can’t decide if you’re wearing me out, or wearing me well”

Are you a fan of techno? I've gotten more into it lately, actually. I've never minded it. Who’s your favorite horror movie villain/monster? Pyramid Head, though he's called Red Pyramid Thing in the movies. Do you have a favorite muscle car? Nah. I'm not big into cars. What would be a total deal-breaker for you, relationship-wise? You so much as lift your hand at me, bye, motherfucker. Would you consider yourself to be accepting of others? Yes, but not as much as I used to be. There are certain opinions I just don't tolerate in people anymore; I feel like by staying associated with people whose views invalidate or in any way harm others (racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc.), you're on the side of evil as well, even if indirectly. However, I genuinely do feel I have a wide range of viewpoints I'm willing to accept in others, even if I don't agree with them. Are you flirtatious? No. I think I'm only capable of flirting with someone I'm already with and very comfortable around. I'd feel way too shy and awkward otherwise. Have you ever just felt "drawn" to someone, but you didn’t know why? "Didn't know why," no. I've felt drawn to people with good reason, like if I was romantically interested in them. Is there anyone you currently want to reach out to? There's a number, honestly. Especially with the aid of therapy, I'm being motivated to strengthen bonds with old friends and/or acquaintances via Facebook. Freddy or Jason? I think Jason is scarier. Freddy tends to come across as cheesy for me. Have stickers or gems on your cell phone? Nah. Ever teased your hair? Bitch I damn well tried in high school because I wanted the ~ l e g i t ~ emo hair, but mine was just too heavy to hold, at least with the hairspray my sister had. Have any friends with benefits? Nah, that's never been my thing. Ever lost of bunch of valuable information? Ummm I don't believe so. I've lost massive RP posts before, but I can't really call those "valuable information." What drinks or food make you hyper? None, really. Most expensive thing you ever bought? With my own money, my snake. She's a champagne morph ball python. What type of toothpaste do you use? Crest. How much time to spend putting on makeup daily? Zero. When listening to a song, what do you listen for (lyrics, bass, beat, ect)? The beat, more than anything else. What is the color of your toothbrush? It's a white electric one. What is your favorite color(s) of eye-makeup? Black. Just black. Are you sexually active? I'm not. Do you have sensitive skin? Very. Are you attracted to several guys atm? I'm actually not attracted to any guys in my personal life atm. How many toilets are in your house? Two. Do you have an older sister? Excluding the one I don't know, I have three older sisters. Favorite song by Owl City? Probably "Hot Air Balloon," but I don't know many at all. What color is your mum’s car? White. Do you truly understand the (LDS) Mormon religion? I don't know what "LDS" means, but as my former best friend developed into a Mormon, I learned some stuff from her in her self-discovery. I don't remember a lot of it, not that I knew all that much in the first place. Where do you keep your kitty litter box? Ugh, Mom's unmovable about it being in my fucking room for some reason. And we have an extra goddamn room no one uses yet. Roman's shit STINKS, like we think something might actually be wrong, but nope, it has to stay in here. e_e It would literally inconvenience nobody if we moved it in the spare room. Are you a lighter complexion than your father? MUCH lighter. He's very tan. Do you like apricots? No. Solid soap bar or liquid body wash? 100% body wash. Bar soap slips so easily, and as someone who lives with another person, I'm not rubbing my body with the same bar my mother uses, no offense to her. Sharing it's just gross. Where do you live (country or state)? Shitty 'ole North Carolina. Do you use plastic, wooden, or wire hangers? I think we have a mix of them, actually. What is your favorite shade of yellow? I only like pastel yellow. Otherwise, it's one of my least favorite colors. Are there any shades of blue that you don’t like? If so, which ones? Ehhh not really. What is something you want to accomplish before you turn 30? God, can I please have a stable career by then. Who has the best decorated house in your town? I don't know. We live in a cul de sac community thing where it's just houses next to houses, so there's a lot to choose from. I don't pay attention to them. What is your favorite part of Halloween? The decorations. Do you feel a connection to the moon? "As above, so below," as the saying goes. What does your heart long for? Peace and contentness with myself. Did you decorate a pumpkin this year? Last year, I didn't. I do want to this year, though, if I can just think of a really good idea. I have to be motivated. What are some fall activities you would do with your kids? I'm not having kids, but I'll follow along, hypothetically. With how much joy Halloween brought me as a kid, I'd want to do SO much as a family with them. Homemade decorations, carving or painting pumpkins together, and hell yeah I'd be taking them trick-or-treating once I felt they were ready and they wanted to. I'd be one of those parents that probably spends too much on whatever costumes they want, haha... Oh, and then besides Halloween, I'd certainly rake leaf piles together for them to jump and play in. This question has brought to mind like ONE thing I could enjoy as a parent, haha. Have you ever seen a fox? I have; besides in a zoo setting, I've seen one or two in the wild run out of sight, and I also found one poor fellow as roadkill that had been disemboweled by I'm assuming vultures. With my whole roadkill photography thing, I literally almost kneeled into a strand of intestines I didn't see at first. :x What color are the squirrels where you live? We only have brown ones. Is there anything about Halloween you find offensive? lol no What do the trees look like where you live? Lots, and lots, and LOTS of pine trees... There are others, but I'm not well-informed on tree species and such. Oh, then of course there are dogwoods (our "state tree"), which are unmistakable because they smell like fucking manure. What is your dream vacation? Maybe the mountains on the western side of NC during the fall... ugh, that would be breathtaking. We actually have an abandoned The Wizard of Oz-themed park around there that allows tours at certain times of the year, and I'd love to visit and photograph there. As well, western NC has the zoo, which would be spectacular to visit with autumn weather and, once again, load up on photos. Did you like field trips when you were a kid? I LOVED field trips. Do you find museums boring or interesting? Very interesting! Would you ever wear a shirt with your country’s flag on it? No. I'm not patriotic enough at all for that. What’s a medicine that makes you sleepy? Historically, larger doses of Klonopin can knock me the fuck out. Do you like bath bombs? Never used one, because I don't do baths. Who are your favorite small YouTubers? I'm going to guesstimate you mean less than 1M subs as "small," because I really don't know what you consider to fit that description. I watch a lot of people with less than 1M, so it's hard to say, but lately it's probably been a let's player John Wolfe. He's really funny. Then there's some tarantula YouTubers, along with the animal educator Emzotic... and really just many others. I think most of the people I watch actually have sub-1M, but more than 500k. Who are your favorite big YouTubers? Markiplier is absolutely, positively #1. I also really enjoy Snake Discovery, GameGrumps, Jeffree Star (don't judge me ok, he's a fuckin hoot), and while I haven't watched them in years, Good Mythical Morning will ALWAYS be deeply, deeeeply embedded in my heart. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Ummm probably the Spice Girls? Have you ever used an outhouse? Ugh, yes, at old childhood sports games. What was the last good cause you donated towards? When I cut off like 8+ inches of hair to accomplish the style I have now, I donated it to Children With Hair Loss. My hair has always been mega-thick and healthy, so why in the world waste it? One of my most cherished items is the certificate I got in return many months later that my donation had been used. Have any of your exes gotten married or had kids since your breakup? I haven't had contact with Juan in many years, don't know what Tyler's up to either, and I haven't spoken to Jason since 2017, so. I'm very doubtful he's married or has kids yet, though, just knowing him and how "I need to be fully prepared for this" he is with big life stuff like that. Does it bother you when people get super emotional? Not at all. I'll do my all to comfort them. Have you ever worked in a restaurant? No. Do you get a lot of thunderstorms where you live? Depends on the time of year. Summertime? Brief but super intense thunderstorms every late afternoon. What was the last drive-thru you went through? Taco Bell w/ Mom. Do you know anyone who claims they can see/feel spirits or other supernatural ‘things?’ No. Do either of your parents have a mental illness? My mom has depression, and Mom is also convinced Dad has either depression masked as anger and/or bipolarity, but following the divorce, I don't see it in him at all. He's never seen a doctor in that field to be diagnosed with any mental illness. What fun things are there to do where you live? Jackshit. Do you know anyone with a really poorly-trained dog? Mother of fucking god, yes. My little sister lives with her best friend, and said friend has a colossal black lab named Hudson that is absolutely uncontrollable because she neglects the shit out of him. Won't listen to you even if it saved his life. He jumps on you, barks endlessly, and if he escapes the house? Good fucking luck getting him inside. She has absolutely no right to own a dog with how shitty of an owner she honestly is. When you were growing up, did your family rent or own your home? They owned it. The idiots who were moving in after us accidentally burnt the place to a fucking crisp, and my parents were SO not happy to lose that house because people were dumb enough to place boxes atop the goddamn stove. Do you do meal-prepping? No. Do you know anyone who got preggo less than a year into their relationship? Multiple people, not that that's my business. What did you dream about last night? I don't remember it clearly, other than I was with Jason and his mother was also present. What's the biggest age difference you've ever had in a relationship? That would have been with Juan, but I don't remember exactly how old he was. I just know I was a freshman and him a senior that got held back a year or so in HS. If you could save one animal from ever becoming extinct, what animal would you pick? Probably bees, given how vital they are. Name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents. My maternal grandmother worked at Disney World. I can't remember what her position was, though. Do you ever eat peanut butter straight from the jar? If I want a healthy snack, sometimes I'll have a scoop. Do you prefer your clothes loose or close fitting? They need to be loose. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? This big painting of meerkats grooming on burlap I did in high school. Do you always wear a bra? I question the self-love of anyone who can sleep with a bra on. ;__; Do you normally finish one book before starting another? Oh yes, I can't read more than one at a time. Do you prefer reading books, comic books, manga/graphic novels, magazines, or the newspaper? The normal book. Do you know how to play chess? I don't. Are you watching anything? No, but I do have Manson's "Third Day of a Seven Day Binge" on in another tab. What is your blood type? A-. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it? Yes. Do you twitch when you're falling asleep? Dude, I more than "twitch." I can just suddenly spaz out and look like I'm seizing for a moment. Another side effect of my nightmare suppressant medication. Are any of your pets “overweight”? No. Has anyone ever bought you a ring? My mom has bought me a few, and Jason gave me one for one of our anniversaries. Where was the last place you took a bath/shower, other than your own house? My sister's place. What first attracted you to the last person you kissed? Just how unique and happy that way she is. And her pretty much undying loyalty. Has someone ever taken a pic of you while you were making out with someone? No, considering I wouldn't go that far with someone unless we were alone. Had a crush on someone you thought shared your sexuality, turns out didn’t? Yes. What’s your favorite color to wear? Black. Does it gross you out if a guy has hair on his chest? I personally don't find an excess of it attractive, but it doesn't "gross me out." If they bathe themselves just like everyone else, why should it? Do you think sexuality is a choice or not? It is absolutely not a choice. If it was, I'd assume most people would choose to be straight, given phobias, hatecrimes, etc... I could write an essay on this. Do you like industrial piercings? Yeah. Do you think stretched ears are disgusting? "Disgusting" is, once again, the wrong word. Gauges don't really gross me out - hell, I want tiny ones -, but they can reach a size that, to me, is not visually appealing. Did you watch animated Barbie movies when you were little? I do remember loving Princess and the Pauper as well as the Rapunzel one; my sister was addicted to them. Oh yeah! Then there was the Swan Lake one that she adored, too. We usually watched movies together. Do you like fruit in your cereal? Big No. Do you like raw vegetables? Ugh, no. Do you listen to A Day to Remember? I do! They're on my list of faves. Do you like funnel cake? I actually don't. Have you ever been with someone while they were getting a tattoo? Yuh.

[thecandywrites]

Jewel Of The North Part 9

Oh this was so heartbreaking (yet so fun) to write. Am I evil? Yes. Are misunderstandings inevitable? Yes. Can problems be solved by JUST TALKING TO EACH OTHER? Yes. The Tropes. So many tropes. You can’t enjoy the high without getting really low first. 

Again, many thanks to @monstersandmaw​ for sharing ice orcs with me. And because she used hers with Inuit touches, I’ve done the same and please remember I’m from Alaska myself so I have my own experiences that I’m drawing from. And I’m using more Native- Pow Wow elements in my story and I’m trying to do so with as much respect as possible. Please keep in mind this is still a fantasy story. And in a perfect world- we can pretend that genocidal rapist and others like him didn’t destroy the Americas and the original Americans that lived on it. 

Jewel Of The North 

Part 9

After you dropped Noah off at his plane, you took his truck and went to town to get what Sakura needed to mend her outfit and went a little overboard and happily went back to Noah’s house to put everything together and by the time Noah got home, you had made three different outfits for Sakura to wear the next day. 

“Oh my goodness, you’ve been busy.” Noah chuckled when he came home to see you put the finishing touches on the last one to finish it. 

“I have, dinner’s in the crockpot, Sakura and I have already eaten and she’s in the bathtub getting a bath.” You told him as he stopped by the dinner table to see you sowing the last bell to the dress and kissed you sweetly as he passed. 

“Awesome.” He murmured before he set his things down on the kitchen counter before he washed his hands then got a bowl of the stew you made and sat down at the table to eat his own dinner. 

“So do I just show up in my priestess regalia tomorrow?” You asked him. 

“Basically. My mom told me that she already told the council of elders about it yesterday before the family dinner and they’re happy to have you and today they’re setting up a booth for you so you can read tea leaves for anyone else.” Noah informed you proudly. 

“Awesome.” You nodded. 

The next day, you spent most of the early morning getting ready and Sakura ready and you nearly lost your breath when Noah put on his own native regalia and looked very handsome himself and he wore it with such pride as you happily went together as a family to the festival and parked in the vendor’s parking area, it was still morning so everyone was still getting set up for the crowds in the afternoon. Thankfully you had bought a little fold up wagon and Noah had drug Sakura in it so she wouldn’t get her new outfit dirty on the walk in and when you got inside the gates of the area, she finally climbed out of the cart and pulled you to all the vendors who were already set up to get her her favorites which you happily indulged her and even indulged yourself and you were grateful you had gone to an ATM the day before and pulled out a bunch of money to pay for it and even got Noah several gifts as well.

You were the only one there dressed the way you were and it didn’t take long before many were staring at you curiously and you felt the weight of their gaze was heavy upon you. But Noah would not stop introducing you to everyone he knew and it was only a matter of time before you finally got to see his parents and the relief of finally seeing a friendly face was almost overwhelming as you hugged them tight as they did the same.

“We have a problem.” Summer pulled you and Noah aside as Sakura showed off your handiwork to her cousins and uncles and aunts. 

“What’s the problem?” Noah asked. 

“Your sister cut you and Zara off at the knees.” Summer murmured which made Noah growl dangerously. 

“What did she do now?” Noah seethed. 

“She went to the council of elders right after she left the dinner and found Doug along the way and together, they told them the most horrific lies about Zara and why she’s here and proposed for the council to pass a new tribal law among all the clans, that from the moment of the announcement which is supposed to be passed and announced to all the tribal clans tonight- that if any persons moving away from tribal lands for any reason- forfeits their rights to the lands and their rights in the clan. Meaning even if children, who have no say so in where their parents live, that if the parents move, the children also lose their birthrights and if anyone still wants their place in the clan and their inheritance, they will need to move back before the end of the year or they will forfeit everything.” Summer revealed. 

“Oh fuck her, where is she?” Noah demanded. 

“Nowhere to be found. She’s not answering anyone’s calls or texts and she’s not at home or the usual places.” 

“Did you check Doug’s place?” You proposed. 

“Yes we did and both of them seem to have dropped off the face of the world. No one can find either of them. Doug’s ex wife is pissed because she was going to be moving away with her new beau but now she has to reconsider and countless others will too.” Summer revealed. 

“Can I talk to the council of elders? Will they believe anything I say?” You asked. 

“I don’t think so. You’re an outsider and even though you have me and Ukluk and the rest of my family and all of Neena’s family vouching for you, the damage is done and Alorna has already turned them against you and it wouldn’t matter what you said, they’re firm in their beliefs because they had “two witnesses” even though you have dozens of other witnesses to contradict them and because Alorna isn’t here, she can’t be brought in for an account and we can’t argue it without her here to defend herself.” Summer explained. 

“But she maligned me without me being there to defend myself.” You frowned. 

“I know, it’s wrong and it’s not fair.” Summer conceded. 

“I’m gonna kill her.” Noah announced and anger rolled off of him in waves. 

“What can we do?” You asked Summer. 

“Just...try to enjoy the festival.” Summer concluded as you tried to think of a solution. 

“Can you get me to the council. Can we pretend that we don’t know about this? Just let me meet them the way I would have 15 minutes ago when we didn’t know Alorna torpedoed us?” You pleaded with Summer. 

“We can try.” Summer answered. 

“Noah, just hold your tongue. We’re going to try to kill them with kindness.” You suggested as you used what little time there was in traveling to the council’s arena to think of a plan and once there you put on a bright smile and shifted into your priestess persona flawlessly. 

“Greetings, my name is Zarasashasabine Zahnochka Volchitsa Wainswright Kingsley, I’m a priestess of Aura of the Rushaka Order, petite daughter of Manta Olga at Sinai Temple. I’m here on vacation and was invited to this festival by the Kintucks and the Maniiquiks. And to show my appreciation for the invitation, I would like to perform some tea readings not only for the council of elders but for anyone else who wants them and I would like to donate all the proceeds to all the clans in equal portions.” You proposed pleasantly and respectfully. 

“We already read tea leaves ourselves, so we don’t need your services. But we will accept your donations.” Elder Sirmiq answered evenly.  

“Very well.” You nodded before Summer and lsla and their other daughters set you up in a booth they had gotten arranged just for you. Having spent the whole day before preparing it and they were on either side of you, selling fry bread and salmon jerky and all kinds of specialty foods and you had a little booth and a little wheel of numbered tickets, like the kind you would find at a grocery store for the deli department and you had an electric kettle for hot water for your tea. And that’s really all you needed. You would be doing speed readings and you set up little tea cups with generous pinches of tea leaves in each one and thankfully you had a little camp kitchen behind you so you could rinse your tea reading plate. 

You prayed to all the gods, especially Aura to bless you and to give you her spirit in reading the tea leaves correctly and to give you justice and success and to win over minds and hearts and for the council to see the truth of the matter with their own eyes and hear it with their own ears and to believe what they see and what they hear from everyone but Alorna and Doug and anyone else who would mean you harm and for you to have peace and joy and for Noah and Sakura to have peace and joy and you had no sooner said ‘amen’ when you felt peace and were overcome with so much determination. You were going to win them over one by one if you had to. 

“What do you need? And how can I help?” Noah asked before you rummaged through your backpack and found your clipboard before you got a small stack of paper and put it on there and attached your pen via a small chain. 

“I need a helper, I need someone to organize whoever comes. Manage wait times and all that, each reading can be done in about five minutes but it will probably take about ten minutes per person between chit chat and reading it all.” You answered. 

“Consider it done.” Noah took the clipboard and stood at the mouth of the booth

“What can I do to help Mama?” Sakura asked hopefully. 

“Ok so you have the most important job, I have two tea reading plates, when I’m done using one, I need you to take it to the sink and rinse it off really good for me and bring it back to me and set it next to me while I’m reading the next one. Can you do that for me? Now be careful, because this plate is really special.” You instructed her as you set yourself up. 

“You can count on me Mama.” Sakura beamed happily as Sesi set up some chairs for people to use while they waited as you pulled out a black money box and put it next to you and you started it by putting five twenties into it. A twenty for each of the five clans. 

Thankfully your first guest was a repeat customer, Mick of all people. 

“Priestess!” He greeted happily before he gave you a big hug. 

“Oh I’m so happy you stayed for the festival! How do you like it?” Mick asked excitedly. 

“I love it. I set up shop for all of the clan’s benefit, all of the proceeds for today will go to the clans.” You informed him charmingly. 

“Well then let my family be the first to enjoy your blessing. How much are you charging?” He asked. 

“I’m not charging anything, I want everyone who comes to donate what they can and what they want and know that whatever generosity they show the clans, is the same generosity they will enjoy from the gods, specifically Aura.” You answered. 

“Oh who can argue with that.” Mick grinned before you read for everyone in his family and you had not finished with them before more and more of Noah’s clients all came filing in and it became evident that Noah had at least been texting all of them to come and see you which you appreciated and Noah made sure to tell them all the ‘happy news’ that not only were you together and that he hoped that your family and his could join happily and peacefully and be able to spend the flying season in the Arctic Tundra and the winter months in the Great Lakes. And everyone seemed to want to know if you would be coming back and doing this again next year but your answer was simply ‘If I’m invited by the council of elders to be’. 

Noah and yourself happily took all the well wishes and congratulations and Noah encouraged everyone to spread the word and within moments, they followed through and soon you had people lining all around the block of booths and word spread like wildfire and Noah’s list began to get several pages long as many starred in at you eagerly. So much so that even the children of the council of elders came to check it out and be put on the lists and thoroughly enjoyed the experience and assured you that you would be welcome because they themselves would put in a good word for you which you deeply appreciated. You barely got a chance to eat lunch before the call came for the final celebration in the clan’s main hall just after dinner. You took your black box, which by this point had to be emptied several times into your backpack because it kept overflowing. 

And Noah and yourself were happy when you finally turned it all in, you guessed it was in the thousands of dollars and all the clans elders  were gracious in their acceptance of it and you waited a few moments for all of it to be counted before you and Noah got a ticket with the total on it and what each clan would get and you had grossly underestimated it. 

“You could have kept some of it.” Noah noted as you walked through the other food vendors to order something for dinner. 

“Maybe next year, if there is a next year. I did exactly what I came to do. Besides, I’ve been preaching all day that the generosity people show the clans is the generosity the gods will show us and it was important to me to go all in. I don’t do anything half hearted or half assed.” You shrugged as you walked into the great arena and sat down before Noah simply took your hand and kissed the back of it sweetly. 

“I don’t either.” Noah professed. 

“Well with a heart as pure as yours and an ass as fine as yours, you shouldn’t be half-ing anything.” You murmured to him which got him to almost choke on his food before he started laughing. 

“Still want to murder your sister?” You asked after your next mouthful. 

“Uh huh,” He confirmed over his own next mouthful of food. 

“What are we going to do if the law still stands and gets passed? There’s no way I would ever ask Sakura to give up her birthright.” You murmured to him. 

“The end of the year is way too soon for you and your kids though. It’s like jumping from a plane with no parachute for them. Even if the law gets passed, it can get repealed and it can get challenged and I’ll be the first to do so.” Noah professed. 

“There you are,” Summer said as she found you. 

“Zara, you need to come, the council of elders wants to meet with you.” Summer informed you breathlessly. 

“Ok,” you said as you quickly handed your plate to Noah before you got up. 

“I’m coming too.” Noah said before he took your plate and his and put them into the wagon and grabbed Sakura’s hand and followed you to the elder council’s room where all the elder councilors were sitting down with their kids looking particularly perturbed behind them and you made sure to hold your phone in such a way to quietly and discretely record whatever would happen.  

“Greetings elders of the council.” You greeted respectfully as you noticed Isla and Tonrar and Ukluk were also sitting in their spots at the tables set up around the space and even they looked resigned and pissed and you felt the opposition in the air and you wanted to cry because you could feel the proverbial noose around your neck but you had a code of conduct you needed to abide by while in your priestess of Aura regalia. 

“There are those on this council that feel that you should be the first to be told of the new law that just got passed by the council just now, that any persons wishing to leave the Arctic Tundra before the end of the year will forfeit all rights to all lands that are in their natural inheritance by natural birthright. And any persons wishing to join any Arctic Tundra Clan by union of marriage, will also have to do so by the end of the year or any children resulting in such unions will not be seen as natural heirs and therefore will not have any inheritance.” Elder Sirmiq delivered as you held her gaze before she was finished before you simply had to close your eyes and take a breath and silently pray to the gods to give you the strength to accept this as graciously as you could so you wouldn’t make a scene. 

“Are you delivering this verdict to the priestess of Aura that I am in hopes that I will bless this decree?” You asked carefully. 

“No, we don’t need your blessing on it.” Elder Sirmiq sneered haughtily. “Naturally, if you feel this is a slight against you personally, you’re more than welcome to take your donations back.” Elder Sirmiq picked up a check and offered it to you. 

“No thank you. That donation was given with freeness and good will. Returning it would be a reproach from the very gods who witnessed it’s gift in the first place.” You declined as you simply held your hand up in a stopping motion. 

“I knew before I saw you all this morning that I was already maligned and seeing as how my accusers are nowhere to be found so that it is impossible for me to defend myself against them and their accusations and it is not their mouths to deliver the final blow, should say a lot about them and I am sorry that all of you had to be drug into my own personal affairs. This is a day of celebration and I can sense how much all of this sorry business has already cost you, it has cost so much peace and joy that you normally would have felt during this time and I hope that once this matter is settled with fairness and justice, that peace and joy will return to you all. All I ask is if this is ever repealed- guard against anyone who would make it about money. I am not fortunate enough to have any real inheritance left, other than in name and tradition myself. But anyone who would want to secure their birthright tribal lands via a security deposit or buy out or anything else like that, while that might fill coffers now, it will spell disaster in the future because only the rich will be able to afford it, and the poor will have no choice but to go to extremes to survive just to maintain it and it would invariably put a price tag on the priceless. There is no question whether or not this birthright has value in every sense. But even a man in the desert will abandon the gold in favor of water. My entire aim in giving my donation was to hopefully make sure that those who want to put a price on the priceless would be satisfied and leave you be and leave what is really valuable- alone and to preserve what is already here so that it can survive and thrive and be here for countless generations to come. Thank you for the amazing opportunity of sharing such a sacred space with me. May peace be with you all.” You graciously said as you bowed in respect before you withdrew, grabbing Noah and Sakura on your way out before Noah could argue with them because you knew he was really ready to give them hell and several pieces of his mind but to hear the council chamber descend into chaos not two steps out of it, told you made the right choice by getting the hell out of there. 

“Why didn’t you fight for yourself?! Why didn’t you let me defend you?!” Noah demanded as he picked Sakura up and walked with you as you briskly walked out of there dragging the wagon behind you, just trying to escape the suffocating feeling you felt in your chest and fighting not to cry as you could already feel the sting of your tears.  

“Because she won. You saw it for yourself, if I try to defend myself now, I’ll be wasting my breath and aggrieving myself not just to the council of elders but also all of the clans and there is no way that would ever end well. Let’s just go, please.” You pleaded as the first few tears started to fall from your eyes and seeing those tears in your eyes cut Noah worse than any knife could and had any and all arguments dying on his tongue before you went back to the booth to collect the last of your things as Sesi and Noah’s other sisters and sisters in law were already taking everything else down. 

“How did it go?” Sesi asked. 

“It passed.” You answered. 

“Did you appeal it?” Samantha asked. 

“I’m an outsider. How could I?” You returned as you zipped up your backpack and slung it over your shoulder. 

“But did you?” They asked Noah. 

“I was pulled out of there before I could.” Noah answered truthfully. 

“Well, I will make sure that I’m one of the first ones to do it when it’s announced in a little bit.” Sesi reassured you. 

“Thank you, right now, I just want to leave.” You confessed. 

“Then take her home Noah.” Sesi encouraged her brother. 

“We got everything here.” Samantha reassured you and Noah as he nodded in agreement. 

The whole ride home you silently cried with Sakura under your arm as she dozed off to sleep and by the time you got to Noah’s house, your makeup was beyond a mess and neither you or Noah could find the words to say to each other and while Noah tucked Sakura into bed, you were in the bathroom, carefully taking everything off and putting it back into the blessing bag before you slipped into the shower and tried to wash everything away, only to sit on the floor and sob some more as you just sat there and let the hot water wash over you. Your body felt sore, beaten and bruised as if you had been in the fight of your life and lost and before you knew it, the hot water had run out and you were left to quickly clean up in the colder water that was getting colder and colder by the minute and by the time you came to bed, Noah was already in it and you saw a bottle of whiskey and a half full glass of it with a one ice cube melting into it as he laid in bed with his arm up, laying over his eyes. 

You quietly slipped into the bed, wanting his warmth but not knowing how to seek it and you simply rolled over and faced the wall, barely on the edge of the bed, wanting more than anything for Noah to come and pull you to him. But within just a few moments, you heard the distinct sound of him softly snoring before you turned slightly to see Noah asleep like that before you slipped out of bed and came around the bed to turn off his bedside light, picking up his glass of whiskey and taking a long pull from it before setting it down and walking back over to the other side of the bed and slipping in again. And while the whiskey did heat you up some. It was a cheap imitation of the warmth Noah could give you. And with that you fell into a fitful sleep yourself. 

The next morning you awoke to a cold bed and the sound of Noah coming in and out of the house. 

You got dressed and went around and got the rest of your things that you had up there before you came down only to see Summer making breakfast for all of you and Noah loading all of your stuff into his truck and by the stomp of his steps, he was in a fowl mood. 

“Good morning Paradise.” Sakura greeted sadly. “Do you really have to go?” Sakura asked, her big blue eyes already red and puffy from crying. 

“I do.” You confirmed. “Did your dad tell you not to call me ‘Mama’?” You asked her softly as she nodded in confirmation as she closed her eyes tightly and her face scrunched up as she started to cry again before you hugged her tight. 

“He took you not fighting harder for yourself or letting him fight for you as you giving up on them.” Summer murmured. 

“Sakura, listen to me, I don’t want to give up, especially not on you. The council of elders passed a law last night and that law is making it hard on everyone, especially me. And the last thing I want is for you to have to choose between your birthright and me and in a perfect world, you would have both and you should have both, you deserve both. So what I’m going to do is I’m going to go home, and I’m going to meet with my experts and try to find a way to give you both. But please remember that I also need to consider that I also have to make sure that my other kids get the happiness they deserve too. And right now, I don’t know if they would be happy up here. But I’m not giving up. Not yet anyway.” You reassured her as you hugged her tightly as she did the same. 

“You ready?” Noah asked coldly when he came back inside, already having his sunglasses on to hide his own red puffy eyes. 

“Let her eat some breakfast first.” Summer frowned. 

“Fine, hurry up, I don’t want you to miss your boat, besides, I got other loads I need to fly today.” Noah grunted before he went into the bathroom to at least go to the bathroom while you sat down at the table with Sakura and Summer to quickly eat what you could. 

“I’ll see you as soon as I can ok?” You reassured Sakura as you hugged her tight and hugged Summer tight before you left with Noah. 

Noah wouldn’t even look at you, much less talk to you and you could feel the anger and resentment roll off of Noah and you knew that if you said anything, it would inevitably start a fight in just the truck. You still had some time to try to find the right words. 

You wanted to be glued to his side and you wanted to be holding his hand so tight your knuckles would turn white. But Noah’s hands were on the wheel and his shifter and his jaw was clenched so tight- you could see the veins in his forehead pop and you were grateful he couldn’t see your face as you stared guiltily out the window and tried to think of a way to solve this as tears rolled silently down your cheeks. 

Who knew that in just two weeks you would reach the highest highs and the lowest lows. Losing Andy didn’t even hurt this bad. 

Once at the hanger, you used a bathroom break to disguise a trip to the office to buy Noah ten grand worth of airplane fuel and leave a payment check for another 100k for Noah since you doubted Noah would take it from you personally and wrote a message for him on the back of the check, hoping and praying he would see it before he decided completely against you in his heart. And in record time Noah had loaded everything up and had even loaded things into his cockpit so you couldn’t sit in it with him. 

He was blocking you out and putting space between you as you realized that last night was the closest you would get to him and he was willfully ignoring your presence and the moment you got in the air, you felt like the pressure in the airplane was suffocating and you couldn’t stop crying and you were so grateful the plane itself was so loud, you couldn’t hear the sound of your own sobs and to think that your kiss from last night over dinner was your last and how you wished you would have done everything differently. You should have broken the code and thrown a fit. It would have sealed your fate with the clans but at least you would have not have lost Noah. 

By the time you touched down and taxied over to the unloading area, Noah barely had the doors unlocked before you opened them and got off the plane and made a run for the other control tower office and did the same thing in that office and by the time Noah had come into the office to fetch you, you followed him wordlessly to a borrowed truck where he drove you to the port where the cruise ship was parked where various people were disembarking and embarking. 

“Goodbye Zara.” Noah finally said to you as he unloaded the last bag at the baggage check before walking away. 

“Goodbye Noatak.” You answered and just stood there and watched him walk away and get back in the truck and drive away and you wanted to collapse right there on the pavement when he didn’t even look back once. But all you could do is turn and walk into the building once he was out of sight but one look at the cues for the registration had you feeling nauseated and you quickly rushed to the bathroom to throw up your breakfast as you curled around the toilet and just threw up and cried and broke down completely because you felt the window of opportunity shut forever and the feel of the perfect jewels of the north- slip out of your hands. 

[theinnerhalf]

2019 in Review: Highlights

Making a venture back into writing again with this “year in review”. I guess I’m slightly less damaged than I was last year and have finally built the courage to write about how this year was for me, even some dark times included. Thank you 2019, for not much, but I guess thank you. A “fuck you” would be more appropriate but regardless, I’m grateful. Let’s do this. 

January 2019

An extremely slow start to the new year, as it usually is when it comes to me. My January’s tend to be bleak, gray, and cold especially considering the coming down from a constant holiday high. I spent this first month with friends I could call my family, regularly going out as much as we could while the two military guys (EJ and James) are here for the time being. In this month as well, I got to finally meet up with my ex who I can now proudly call a friend. Diana and I were able to catch up extensively to make up for all the lost time, talking about things like how we’ve been, the changes, the constants, and occasionally reminiscing. I know I’ve felt at peace before already, for having her back into my life rather than staying a bittersweet memory, but getting to catch up like this was a whole other type of joy I didn’t know I needed. As for the picture of the pants, I finally made the decision to buy a pair of jeans that I wanted soooo so bad from one of my favorite designers. 

February

Goodness...Where do I even start for this month?...Like January, February for me is usually bleak. Regardless it being a month for “love”, it sucked. Maybe the worst for me in the year. The start of this month wasn’t all too bad though! There was a fashion show that Celine was walking/modeling for held at Rice University in order to celebrate Asian cultures and Chinese New Year. The show overall was alright...I guess it was just nice to be out supporting Celine and whatnot. I thought this month would at least provide a break for me, but just five days later, my grandma was sent to the ICU after suffering from a stroke...It happened so suddenly...Celine and I were at an outing when the two of us came back to my place and ran into my dad who was leaving in a hurry. He had a lost look on his face, as well as panicky and shifty eyes. He broke the news to us and had the sinking feeling in me hit so fast. The next thing I know, we’re at the hospital waiting room, anxiously waiting to be briefed with (hopefully) good news. I remember disassociating when the doctor had finally came to us, thinking that this really couldn’t be happening...not to us...not to my dad. I remember thinking that this isn’t fair...We literally had just gotten her into our lives’ and now we’re losing her. 

We spent the following week trading stays at the hospital between my siblings and cousins. I can’t remember the proper psychology term for the feeling of false hope and security for an event that seems to be too horrible to be true, but that was what I had felt for the entire time. There’s no way that my family could lose our grandma like this...and not this soon. Just a day before my grandma’s stroke happened, she was asking when my younger sister and I were going to get married. The two of us looked at each other like, “What the fuuuu--? Where is this coming from?” My grandma explained shortly after that she felt as if she didn’t have much longer for her time here with us, and that she wanted to have the honor to make the dresses and suits for Lacel’s or my wedding. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t stop thinking about how cruel and merciless the world could be, but also at the same time, that I should’ve known better and that I should be used to this...I should be but I would rather not. I think it was after a week and a half where I found that my grandma would be transferred to a hospice. My family had told me this and I was under the impression that hospices were for people who had recovered enough that they don’t need to be in a hospital but still needed professional caretakers. I told this to Andrew and Quin and they both shared painful and shocked expressions with each other. I asked why they were looking at each other like that and then they broke it to me that hospices were for people who didn’t have much time left. I remember crying in front of them that day during work.

Virginia Barreda passed away, February 19, 2019. My family grieved separately and in different ways. I slept off the entire day...The picture of the room was how my grandma left the room right before she was taken to the hospital and was left untouched for the entire duration of the situation. I embarrassingly and shamefully made a gofundme to help raise money so that my family and I could attend her final farewell back home in the Philippines. I thought it wouldn’t get anywhere...but my heart...I was so surprised to see the amount of love and support that friends and even strangers had decided to put out, and I was touched beyond anything I had ever expected. A big thank you to those who donated and have come across this post by any way. You have my sincerest gratitude and even with that, I cannot thank you enough. 

To end the note on a positive note at least, Celine and I hit one year at the end of this month. Amazing. 

March

My family and I were in such a weird head space entering this month. There was a lot of recovering to be made and coming out of the state of denial from my grandma’s passing. It was like a new chapter of our lives abruptly opened itself onto us and we all did not know how to proceed. My dad was stressing out over medical expenses and how we were going to afford to bring the entire family to Philippines for my grandma’s final resting place. I did my best to keep the gofundme a secret from him, because knowing my dad, he would not accept the money under any condition. He only came to find out about it because some of his friends and relatives came across it, donated, and then told him about how sentimental and touching my gofundme passage was. He just asked why, and I regrettably said that it was because we were struggling out here and all I wanted to do was help. After some convincing with the help of my two sister’s, my dad accepted the help and agreed that we can now at least afford to take my dad for the initial ceremony while the rest of us would follow-up, hopefully in the summer or late 2019. 

The first picture in this month’s set is of the Pieta in Italy, taken by Lacel. Lacel was on a two week school trip, while in the second picture is the view my dad had while his two week stay in the Philippines. Both my older sister and I stayed at home while envying our dad’s and Lacel’s experiences. Their trips only served as motivation for me to save up a lot more for Japan and I really wanted to make that happen no matter what. Even if it meant me going alone, I was ready to accept it. 

The following pictures of Lacel are when they came back from Italy and celebrated their two years of being clean/no relapses. I know I rarely ever let it be known, but I really do care and love my younger sister a lot, and to see them make it this far in the span of two years meant so much to me. I’m glad that my family was able to celebrate that milestone in Lacel’s life because it was definitely quite the journey. The last photo is of my car’s fourth brake light functioning again with Travis’ help and was fixed just in time for the long drive to Marfa. 

April

Really, the only one significant highlight for this month, which I am incredibly excited to share, was the moderately spontaneous trip I took out to Marfa, Texas with Yentl. I do have to say, the two of us were quite ambitious for taking on this trip by leaving Houston around 12am shortly, after grabbing oh my gogi and some boba. With the help of a trenta iced coffee, I was able to knock out 6 hours of the 8 hour drive. While the drive was a lot of fun, I started getting really sleepy around the 4 hour mark but it started raining extremely hard after we had passed San Antonio. I was so reluctant to switch over to Yentl driving because I had been losing traction every now and then. It was only until the sun rose that we finally had passed the rain. I shortly knocked out after the switch.

I woke up to Yentl ecstatically saying, “We’re heeeeere!” I opened my eyes and was immediately blinded, forgetting that daytime was a thing. But from the short time my eyes were open, I saw a railroad and buildings styled from days of the past. I fought to keep my eyes open only to tell myself, maybe five more minutes. As soon as we parked, Yentl and I took the opportunity to walk around.The weather was pleasant, not too hot and not too cold either. The humidity that seems to be a pestering presence in Houston was nowhere to be found in Marfa, so the daytime stroll was bliss. The two of us checked out Marfa’s welcome sign, the city hall (only from the outside because it was closed), a couple of local shops and art galleries, and the hotel Paisano, a hotel best known for having a movie shot in it. 

All the walking had made us hungry...That and the only thing inside of us were boba and caffeine. Yentl and I checked out a place called Aster’s that was primarily a breakfast joint recommended to us by a person working at the welcome center. We both got an egg’s benedict. Me with a lemonade, and her an iced coffee. After eating, we proceeded to go to our Airbnb located 30 minutes away at another small town called Alpine. The Airbnb’s neighborhood was located in some rural area with cliffs surrounding it all. The Airbnb itself was a small and cute place that was divided into just three small parts: the bedroom, living room, and a bathroom. Yentl and I freshened up, put on the new fits, and made our way back to Marfa.

Headed back, we decided that we would first go see the outlandish Prada store located in the middle of the desert. The Prada store itself is a permanent art installation by artists Elmgreen and Dragset, built with the concept of using biodegradable materials so that the art installation could eventually return and be reclaimed back to Earth as all things eventually do. The drive to Prada, Marfa was an unexpectedly longer drive than I thought. It was a non-stop view of your textbook Western landscape...Desolate, scattered with ordinary desert shrubbery, and one thing to set it apart, a lonely, silver blimp just casually floating at the wind’s mercy. 

When we finally arrived, it looked surreal to say the least. The building was so unexpectedly placed, yet at the same time, it wasn’t intrusive to the desert landscape. There were less people there than I had thought, which made it easier for Yentl and I to take the photos we wanted. What a pleasant oddity it was, I thought, to even drive eight hours just to see this left me with a sense of fulfillment knowing that this had been on my personal bucket list for quite some time.

The two of us made our way back to the city to kill some more time before it was time to see the mystery Marfa lights. We checked out a bookstore placed in the lobby of a hotel, wandered around the from one edge of the town to the other, checked out some more art galleries, and ate dinner at a local BBQ place. The sun was on the verge of setting so we headed to the viewing area that was located right beside the highway. We got there conveniently early and was able to secure a good parking spot as there was not even a designated parking lot. Yentl and I situated ourselves onto a bench with a clear view of the field. We both sat there in amazement of the sunset…layers on layers of colors dancing in the sky, almost a love letter to us from the sun itself, as it sank over the horizon, tucking itself in to say goodnight. The two of us couldn’t wrap our heads around the fact that we actually did this, an 8-hour drive to see some art and an unexplained natural phenomenon that happens in the desert at night. We really did this.  

The sky turned from its calm lilac tones to an enveloping darkness and what followed were gasps of oooooh’s and aaaaah’s. It was finally happening. We peered over the horizon, somewhat confused, and there it was. Beside a constant blinking red light, appeared the mystery lights, bobbing up and down inconsistently, disappearing and reappearing on a whims notice. Yentl and I watched in awe and pondered about the mysteries of life like, does the supernatural exist, are there aliens out there, and what does it truly mean to love? Apart from the mystery lights themselves, the stars overhead was truly a sight to take in. The indescribable feeling of being small while looking up at the stars happens to be a favorite sensation of mine, but only this time, I was overwhelmed by it. I found a completely empty bench to lay down on just to look up. It must have been the most relaxed I have been since forever and I never wanted the feeling to end…But as all good things do, it did. Yentl and I made our way back to our Airbnb after catching what seemed to be a UFO flying above us. Marfa truly was surreal.  

The two of us rested for the night, packed our stuff the next day, and made our way on the long journey back home.

May

The start of this month initially started incredibly slow. Not much has been done aside from learning how to shoot better on film which I spent a lot of my time on. I would keep pestering my friends to let me use them as models and surprisingly, they agreed! The first three photos are just a few of the pictures taken. This was also the month that the restaurant I work at, Noon (previously known as Verts, also previously known as Vertskebap), had undergone the change to being Daphne’s Greek Mediterranean. The change allowed us to finally get tips trough credit cards and no longer just cash tips. This allowed me to leave my shifts with a lot more money in hand.

It occurred to me…with this I could finally make my Japan trip a reality…In the span of just a week, I was able to raise 100 dollars in just tips alone (I know this doesn’t sound like a lot, but this is a big difference coming from leaving work with no more than 50 cents to 5 dollars on a busy day). I decided that the tip money would be strictly set aside for Japan and Japan only. I thought at the rate it was going, a 100 dollars per week would be sufficient for a trip set out in October/November. The rough estimate was at least around 2000 dollars if I decided I would really stay true to my word and not touch this extra money.

In this month also, my little sister got their associates degree in art, which I am really proud of! They then decided that they would be continuing their education at the university of Texas at Dallas. The last picture is a picture of one of my favorite musicians, blackbear, taken at a concert for his DEAD 2 THE WORLD tour. It was my second time getting to see him perform live, and while he was not in the best health to perform my favorite song the way that he usually does, it was still quite the experience. I would be more than happy to see him perform live again, and hopefully in better health.

June

Ahhh June. What better way to start of this month by getting into an accident…My neighbor ran into the passenger side door of my car while they were reversing and failed to see that I had already pulled out first. Extremely disappointing knowing how much my car means to me…What followed shortly after were series of looking for a trustworthy and affordable auto body and collision shop to do the work while being able to get covered by the person at fault’s insurance. Was honestly such a convoluted process and was so stressful that a part of me decided that maybe I would just leave and live with it. I ended up finding a shop called legendary auto and agreed to the other person’s insurance’s choice to only cover 80 percent of the costs because I allegedly had some “preventative measure” on stopping the collision from happening. Me, tired and not in the mood for a disagreement, agreed. I just wanted my car back to the way it was before.

The next highlight for this month was for an overnight camping trip I took out with my family and other family friends somewhere near Austin. It was a lot of fun! Everything was nearly perfect with the trip aside from the sweltering heat combined with a THICK humidity that made its dominance extremely clear. I remember there being so much good food…and with family friends that you’ve grown up with, there was never a shortage of people telling you to eat more when you just downed three plates of crawfish, bbq, and rice. There were boats and a tractor with a little tow for people to ride on in the back, a working NES system, a basketball court, playground, and an entire forest to explore. We spent our time playing card/board games, held a basketball competition, the dads versus the boys, a bonfire complete with smores, and a sad attempt at a Marvin’s room music video, complete with a hot tub and color changing lights.

Spending your time consistently outdoors resets your internal clock, and so by 9, everyone had started to get ready for bed. I remember being outside on the campgrounds and it being pitch black. Not being able to see past 15 feet in front of me at the most. One look at the sky in this setting and there was the full moon. Brighter than I had ever witnessed it…almost blinding to be honest. The older “kids” were cooped up in the RV designated for more kids to sleep in and were there playing monopoly deal. I joined in and found ourselves playing monopoly deal until 2am until I called it a night. I woke up the next day, sad to leave earlier than we’d have to because I had a shift at work to attend to even with all the begging I did with my other coworkers to cover for me.

As for the rest of this month’s highlights, I finally got the see the Van Gogh exhibit that was here at the Museum of Fine Arts. It was the most packed I have ever seen the MFAH in a long time and was glad that I was able to see Van Gogh’s work as art is always inspiring to me…Sad that the starry night wasn’t there but that’s alright. I also got to visit and hang out with Yentl this month during a trip I made to Dallas for Lacel’s scholarship interview. I haven’t seen her since our trip to Marfa and we got to talking about the Japan trip we’d be potentially taking out in the fall. We had Gyu-kaku (which she covered for like BRUH) and went over the possible itinerary that I had been researching for months now. As usual, it was always nice to see her, and I left Dallas feeling even more hopeful and motivated for the trip.

July

After one long month, I finally got my car back in perfect condition! So exciting to see my car just the way it used to be…Marwan and the rest of his team over at Legendary auto have all my gratitude for doing a stellar job. Could not thank them enough. For this month also, my family and I visited Galveston for the 4th of July, mainly for a parade and pleasure pier. It was a really nice experience getting to spend a whole outing with my family which we aren’t able to do often considering how busy we all are. Even more so with Lacel going to school soon in an entirely different city the following month. As for the final highlight of this month, I got to catch up on life with Lexi as we talk about the occurrences of life and sometimes even the past and how much we’ve grown from it. Always an experience to see her and it’s so interesting to see how I get to hang out with her during my days in college when in high school, we weren’t all that close.

August

I kicked off this month by helping my younger sister pack and move into their apartment in Dallas. We had to rent a car for all their stuff to fit because the 86 definitely was not able to carry everything that Lacel was bringing. It was a quick and pretty emotional ordeal, having one last dinner together as a family, and then having to say goodbye. I thought that would be the last time I would see my sister for a long time, but soon enough, I found myself making a trip to Dallas once a week for five weeks straight haha.

For the next highlight, it’s just a picture of me reveling in the fact that I had finally mustered the courage to go and change my major from nursing to journalism. I was shocked by how much easier it would’ve been for me to finish my associates if I had done this so much sooner. I found myself with only two more semesters, and maybe even just one if I had dedicated myself to just school. Also, in August, I had been unemployed for about two months prior. Shoutout to Daphne’s for pulling the rug from underneath my friends and I without any warning whatsoever. A double-edged sword might I admit, because while it left me unemployed suddenly, the closing of Daphne’s allowed to me find more opportunities and finally be free from the comfort of familiarity that the restaurant had provided me for about four years. Being in H-E-B made me realize how much I was missing out on such a good work environment. Everyone was absurdly and unbelievably nice…The customers in my H-E-B are also nothing compared to the customers I dealt with in food service and my goodness, it was such a nice change of pace. Happy to be here, cause after all, “here, everything’s better.”

For the last highlight of this month, Celine threw an e-boi/girl themed late birthday party. It was honestly really well set up, especially with the Airbnb and the vibes it had come with. They were constantly anxious about how their party would end up and I was always telling them that it would be a lot of fun! Which in fact, it did turn out to be a lot fun and it was so interesting to see everyone so dedicated to the theme of the party. Seeing Celine around a lot of the people they care about was really something, and to see them have such a fun and good time was all that mattered.

A little later into this month, Celine and I decided to end things on a mutual note. Things had been comfortable for a while, and while there may have still been feelings, things have stagnated…A lot…My mental health at this point of our relationship wasn’t anywhere close to where I’d want it and things haven’t been okay with me for a long time. I spent a lot of my time getting triggered over the past and my thought process started falling towards methods of self-destruction rather than dealing with things head on. I found myself either in a constant state of anger or depression over not knowing how to deal with the thoughts eating away at me. Had I waited any longer, I’m not sure what I would have done.

Sad as that may have been…It was ultimately for the better. At least I hoped it was…

September

(Insert obligatory “Do you remember”) September was thankfully one of the better and more eventful months out of the year and kicked it off with Yentl’s birthday party. I remember making the 4-hour drive for the second year in a row just to celebrate a dear friend’s birthday. I arrived later than most and found myself in the middle of a really nice neighborhood where the Airbnb was located. Interesting, I thought. The area was devoid of streetlights with a lake nearby and made me hopeful that maybe a getaway like tonight could really take me away from all that was going on in my head. I’ll drink to that.

I shyly walked in, asking people where Yentl was. I was led to the kitchen where she was and found her already multiple drinks in. Received a tight hug from her and was cordially invited to start drinking haha. I told her that I’ll a eat a little bit, maybe get re-acquainted with everyone and the Airbnb first, properly settling in before I find myself trying to drown my demons lurking behind the corner, waiting to make themselves present in my conscience. I held my trusty detox water, comprised of lemon and limes, tightly, hoping it’d be my saving grace for this party. The objective for the night: Survive…But have a good time. I chatted up with people I haven’t seen in so long…probably since Yentl’s last birthday but I guess because of the vibes the party had, it felt incredibly easy to converse.

I made my way to the pool where everyone happened to be in the meantime. Too self-conscious to jump in so I just snapshotted everyone on film for the most part. Took the liberty and made myself the party’s personal photographer for the night. I went back inside to admire the Airbnb a little bit more or sneak a drink by myself but was ushered to take shots of someone’s personal tequila concoction. “I hate tequila”, I thought…but why not? The vibe was right and the goal was to get out of my mind one way or another. I downed it, regrettably. The burn of the tequila was reminiscent of the nights I spent uncoordinated, lacking self-control, and being passed out in a fetal position beside a toilet fighting for dear life. After recollecting myself after that shot, I was immediately handed another one while not realizing it. Everybody started bracing themselves for the shot, gathering their chasers and mentally preparing for the hit while I on the other hand, looked at everybody and the cup in my possession utterly appalled at the situation unfolding in front of me. Three…two…one…cheers.

After that, the rest of the night was a blur. There came I point where I nearly blacked out because my vision had nearly gone, but after two full servings of my detox water, I was all good to go. I spent the rest of the night just talking, occasionally grooving to Jayson’s live mixing, playing smash bros and leaving undefeated, making conversations, and trying my best to stay out of my head. The party had started to slow down so I went outside to sit by the pool with a glass of wine and admire the quiet and stillness of the night. The backyard overlooked a lake and I was reminded by how nice this Airbnb really was. The moon wasn’t out so it was extra dark and allowed for some reflecting on a couple things, like the break-up…maybe on how lonely I was feeling. I watched some ducks pass by and called it a night. I went back inside and saw Yentl passed out on one of the couches. Made sure she was okay, and we had a conversation about several things, like the break-up…and how lonely I was feeling. Eventually the conversation ventured onto more positive things like how nice this Airbnb is, how nice this party was, some unwanted drama that happened during this party, and the upcoming Japan trip.

After just spending a little more time with each other, and a disagreement on who would take the last bed and sleep on the couch, we said goodnight as she had declared I get the bed. Had to respect the birthday girl’s wishes, even when it was her who had paid for the entirety of this Airbnb…Not to disclose that information or anything, but it was a LOT. I woke up, surprisingly not hungover all thanks to the detox water. As much as I had wanted to stay for any further hangouts of the day, I had to leave for a shift at 2pm. I drove the four-hour drive back home hastily, only to find out that I wasn’t needed for work and that I could actually take the day off…Amazing. Thankful that I was able to attend the party in the first place and see Yentl at all.

The following highlight was a concert I attended in Dallas for the artist Aries’ Welcome Home tour and was a largely anticipated experience for both my younger sister and I. Aries had grown to be one of my favorite artists because of how new and refreshing his sound was. I also happened to find his music during a defining point in my life, specifically during a three hour mindless drive leading to nowhere and found myself halfway to San Antonio and has become the mood and aesthetic I had been living in for a quite a while now. Months prior, my sister and I had been listening to him constantly in preparation for this concert. My only concern was that since Aries is a smaller artist, the concert might only end up being more like a listening party rather than him actually performing. By listening party, I mean that his songs are playing in the background and is overpowering his vocals or that he’s not performing for majority of the time.

My sister and I arrived at the venue with the discovery of a line that wrapped around the entire block. The suspense was too real. The feeling of knowing that I just happened to stumble upon Aries from a YouTube video of him remixing a Post Malone song into a lo-fi one, to him suddenly having the anthem of the entire spectrum of my anger and the prolonging bitterness that dwelled inside me. His music is definitely a trigger, but in a different way. His music gets me angry but doesn’t drive me to a seething, blinding rage the way I see anything remotely related to skateboarding, tall fuckboys with curly hair, or the name Kevin (fuck you Kevin…fuck you!). If anything, his music was a testament to the three months of mental and emotional anguish I had undergone earlier in 2018. I was more than ready to yell my heart and lungs out to the lyrics, “fuck your friend, that man’s a bitch, probably wish I don’t exist”, and “Promise that I will stay out of reach, far gone, cause the shit still bothers me.”

The concert left me speechless by how much energy there was from the crowd, the hype man, and Aries himself. While it may only have been just over an hour, it was the most invigorating concert I have attended by far. Probably the most fun too. As Lacel and I headed out after taking pictures with the venue and our tour merch, we were suddenly told that Aries had came out to greet people. We rushed back in and just stayed around, somewhat awkwardly, casually standing by as fans took pictures with or of him. He was able to sign a piece of paper that Lacel handed to him and he left shortly after taking a big group picture with the fans that were present. We left soon after, put on his Welcome Home album to relive the concert in the car, and got lost driving around Dallas for maybe another hour to end the night.

The last highlight for this month was Quin’s birthday celebration that him and his closest friends organized. The initial plan was to pre-game at Marian’s place and then follow up by going out to Washington Ave. which is notoriously known for Houston’s night life scene. I arrived at Marian’s apartment for the pre-game, and even before I could greet anyone, a friend came by me with a bottle of Hennessy and started pouring some in my mouth. “So it’s gonna be that type of night”, I thought haha. I finally got around to greeting everyone including the birthday boy who was in the middle of taking a shot and was then shortly handed one to take alongside Quin and a handful of other friends.

We eventually made our way to Washington Ave. in different Ubers and arrived at Concrete Cowboy. The whole group lined up and waited for our turn to get in. As we neared the entrance, I pulled out my ID in anticipation as I’m used to being told that I don’t look older than 19 most of the time. The bouncer let my friends in but said something to me that I couldn’t quite make out over the music blasting from inside. I said excuse me, thinking like, hello…my ID is legit, I promise you I’m legal and this is a valid ID haha. “No air forces”, he said. “What?”, “No air forces…”, he repeated. Back to the line I went, astonished that this was even a problem in the first place. I received a bunch of texts from my friends asking where I was and exclaimed to them that I was denied access because of the shoes I was wearing. I went to the little fence that Concrete had and exchanged my air force 1’s with Andrew’s dress shoes and lined up once more.

Eventually that was all a waste because the group ended up leaving Concrete Cowboy…WITHOUT the birthday boy. We crossed the street to another club/bar that escapes my memory but this time around they let me in regardless of my shoes. Immediately, this was already better than the experience with Concrete, from the music, the general vibe, to how less packed it was. Ruben bought everyone two rounds of shots for some reason, and it really helped loosen everybody up. While the group was having a lot of fun in this bar, a handful of us felt guilty that we were having this much fun without Quin and decided we should go back to Concrete to go celebrate with the person this night was originally dedicated to. We left to go line back up across the street, only to find others that also separated from Quin to come join us over where we were at…We all found ourselves back in the same bar/club we just left haha.

Feeling guilty of admitting to this, but we were having an absolute blast at the place we were at. My friends and I ended up having the biggest floor presence and had even started a cypher with the occasional strangers jumping in who had actual dance experience as well. My friends and I shook hands and even made friends with these strangers after finding out we had mutual dance friends and connections to major Houston dance studios like soundbox and soreal. 2PM had finally snuck its way into the night and it was time to go back to Marian’s to regroup. We arrived at Marian’s apartment to find out that Quin had gotten shitfaced at Concrete Cowboy. Quin! The same Quin who took 20+ shots on his 21st birthday, just to be fully coherent, coordinated, and mentally sound to take care of other people rather than being taken care of. There he was, bent over the toilet, clutching it for dear life. It was an absolute sight to behold, and one we would never let Quin live down. It was finally our turn to take care of him, and as friends that love Quin, we were more than happy to finally get the opportunity to pay the favor back.

October

My birth month. My favorite month too and well deserved so. October for me is the transition from the Hell that is Houston’s summer to those cool crisp Autumn afternoons. A transition from bright yellow and blue hues to the golden, orange, and amber tones that coincide with everything regarding the season of fall. Fall is Halloween. Fall is Thanksgiving. Fall is pumpkin picking and carving, apple pies, and the metaphorical dusk of the year, while interestingly sharing the same colors as a sunset. This month was surprisingly uneventful but was largely a pre-cursor for what was coming up in November: Yentl’s and my Japan trip.

The first highlight for this month was this photoshoot/hang out with fellow FRZ86 owners, Lily and Ray. I was meeting both of them for the first time and was excited that they both agreed to be models for further practice with my film camera. Really happy with how the shots came out, I felt ready for taking pictures in Japan and grew more confident in this new profound hobby. The following highlight for this month but not pictured for privacy reasons, was my approval for my travel visa. The news had me beaming. After days of gut-wrenching anxiety at the thought of refunding my airfare, the Airbnb, and all the plans just going to waste if I was not approved, the good news was a major sigh of relief. It had finally cemented the trip, and the only thing that was left, was to save as much as I can in this last month.

My money saving process for the rest of this month involved eating four slices of a day for lunch (only when I was at work), refusing to hang out, and reducing my eating out budget to just under 30 dollars. I was determined. My will power, incorruptible. I attended a hang out that involved eating, and I only spent my money on a drink. My savings were not going to be stopped…My birthday eventually came around and my family and I found ourselves in Dallas…for the second year in a row. I don’t remember exactly why we were celebrating MY birthday in Dallas just to hang out with my younger sister, but that’s just what went down. We went to Gen Korean BBQ for lunch, and followed up with boba (a must). We hung around a Kinokuniya for a little bit to kill time and were deciding on what we should do now. I just threw in that maybe we could stop by the Dallas galleria to just waste even more time, while in the back of my head, I had a burning desire to finally pull the trigger on something I’ve been wanting since the summer of 2017: a Gucci ghost ring.

I only mentioned my intentions to my younger sister because I knew my idea would be met with opposition and disappointment from my dad. After several times being asked why we had decided to go here, I mentioned that I was buying the ring, as a big gesture to myself for making it this far and as a final accessory to bring along to Japan for the outfits I had planned. Ran me back $250 dollars, but did I mind? Not one bit. So much for saving…haha.

To close out October, I departed for Dallas to pick up my sister and Yentl. The plan was to pick up Yentl from Dallas, drive back to Houston because that’s where we’ll be departing for Japan, have a layover BACK in Dallas, and after an 8-hour flight, arriving at Narita airport in Tokyo weirdly at the same time we had left from Dallas due to time zones. The plan sounds counterintuitive with the layover being in Dallas and all…but departing from Dallas added an extra 400 dollars to the airfare. It also worked because it meant that neither of us would have to make a 4-hour drive back home to our respective cities due to another layover in Dallas on the way back home.

November

This month will have an entire separate post dedicated to Japan.

Enjoy these pictures for the meantime. 

December

After Japan. I had spent the rest of November coming down from the high I had experienced from my vacation. I had to deal with the come down as well as the seasonal depression that comes along with the shorter days of Winter, despite always being fond of the season. It’s going to sound a little silly to admit, but things really did start to lose meaning. I had this goal of traveling to Japan for as long as I could remember, and it was finally fulfilled! The long workdays, forty-hour work weeks, the months of research and planning, and just everything I had been doing was for the sake of trip.

Not wanting to feel as if my life had lost meaning, I forced myself to get into the holiday spirit…Or at least I tried.  In the first highlight presented for this month was Travis’ Christmas present to me. A bunch of treats…and a gun. Yes, a gun. Looks like just a random assortment of food but in reality, has a ton of sentimental ties to it. As described by Travis himself, the honey buns were given because of one time we were in the campus cafeteria and I was craving honey buns. The campus was charging 2+ dollars for a single one and Travis was like, “Don’t waste your money here smh”, and told me he had spent just a little over a dollar for a multipack. The oreo thins were given because I had an obsession with oreos, the gummies because whatever, and the limon lays for a callback when Andrew, Travis, and I would have consecutive movie nights together on the summer of 2017 where we would pick our usual snacks from out midnight Walmart runs. Lastly, but definitely not least, the gun. Travis was concerned by how often I would go to so many places during the middle of the night and was also tired of being my personal protection considering he himself was armed.

The gifts left me speechless and admittedly, a little teary eyed by how thoughtful it really was. During the brief period of trying to take the moment all in, Andrew pulls out his very own and the entire room goes up in screams and laughter. Travis bought guns for the two of us! Unbelievable and entirely wild of him. I love that man to death.

The following highlight of the drink and the board game was when I finally had a first successful meeting from a connection I had on a dating app haha. Wooo Ral finally stepping out there after multiple awkward matches and getting ghosted on several platforms. The two of us met up in Dallas at a videogame restaurant bar thing, where we can eat/drink while playing on a console! Pretty cool idea and props to her for actually catering to what my interests were. Ended making a cool friend out of that meet up since. The rest of the following highlights were just more Christmas festivities such as, baking Christmas themed cookies, secret Santa with the OG5 + DJ, H-E-B white elephant Christmas party, and seeing Christmas lights with Jackie at the River Oaks neighborhood.

Just like this year in review itself, I was so eager to get the year over and done with. 2019 seemed to be bad year for the world, myself included, but finishing writing this up in 2021…I only wish I had treasured the moments just a little longer, not knowing what I will be missing the following year.

P.S. If you’re just a person randomly coming through this, thank you for your time to scroll/read

[razorblade180]

Rosebud prep 12

It’s the day after Ruby and Jaune return. The sun is still rising above the Vacou sand dunes but rays still pierces through their window. A ray lands on Jaune’s face and the light stirs him awake slowly.

Jaune:Mmmggh Ruby? I think we need better blinds.

....

Jaune:Ruby?

His hand moves around to try to find her. Reluctantly he opens his eyes ti see his wife wasn’t on the couch anymore. Most of her clothes were still on the floor where the fell last night. ‘At least that means she’s still here, hopefully.’ His shirt was missing however. Fine by him. Jaune wasn’t even in the mood to wear pants right now but for the sake of her absence being potentially bad, walking around in boxers could end badly. “Ruby? You still here?”

“Just upstairs. Don’t worry, still here.” Her voice reassuring him, given recent events . “You don’t have to come up here though if you don’t want to J-”

The sound of footsteps cut her off. One by one they grew louder until suddenly, it stopped. Ruby couldn’t see him yet but she knew he right outside the doorway. A slow inhale followed by an exhale reached her ears. This had to be difficult for him. Jaune pushed open the door and saw Ruby standing in the middle of the room wearing his shirt that was comedically oversized on her. Too bad they were both too down to smile about it. Jaune walked behind Ruby and wrapped his arms around her waist; the comfort loved immensely for the both of them. Her hands raise up to meet his and holds them in place.

Ruby:You didn’t have to come in here with me you know?

Jaune:I’ll never let you go through something alone. That’s what it means to be a partner right? Not to mention your husband. Guess that makes it double, no, triple my priority.

Ruby:Triple?

Jaune:Am I not your best friend?

Ruby:Weiss might feel someway about you saying that.

He chuckled and kissed the top of her head. Silently they looked around nursery everyone spent so much time building. The burgundy walls the connected to the soft purple carpet they spent forever installing. Blake’s old book shelves filled with children’s books and was next to the playpen Weiss bought. Some toys Ren and Nora generously donated from their orphanage. The crib Jaune and Ruby spent hours picking out......

Ruby’s grip on Jaune tighten ever so slightly. A piece of her wanted to drop to her knees but she refused to allow it. Not just for Jaune either, if she cave into sadness again then who knows when she’d get up again? Jaune felt Ruby lean more into him and he depended the embrace. There was always something about the way he held her that Ruby couldn’t explain. Whatever it was, she was thankful for it. Life seemed a little more manageable with it; Ruby felt a little stronger each time.

Jaune:You okay?

Ruby:I will be. One step at a time, things get better. They always do with enough time.

Jaune:Keep talking like that and someone should make you a headmaster.

Ruby:Sounds stuffy and boring. I like the field.

Jaune:I would hope so. The Storyteller, very majestic.

Ruby:So you heard?

Jaune:Maria has told everyone about her handy work. She’s very proud of the nickname, and of you.

Ruby:You know me, I am to a please. Speaking of which, last night was nice. *red* Really nice. A years worth of attention in one night is....

Jaune:Intense?

Ruby:Numbing. That’s worth a story in its own right.

Jaune:Well, it is important you don’t forget to create your own while trying to help others with theirs.*kisses her cheek*

Ruby:Trust me, no way I could forget. Too many important people wouldn’t stand for it. Besides, I tell plenty of people just how great the people in my life are. I’m not the only famous person on Remnant ya know?

Jaune:Wouldn’t mind meeting them if I got the chance. All the people you saved.

Ruby:.....Let’s do it.

Jaune:What?

Ruby:Let’s take a trip around Remnant. Just the two of us; like a second honeymoon. We can explore, see some sights, meet some people, reconnect.....a year without you is big regret. I won’t to make up for lost time. *interlocks fingers*

Jaune:A second honeymoon huh? Hehe, only you come up with ideas like this.

She flashes a smile before looking around the room again. A resolve in her dim eyes trying to break its way through.

Ruby:One day, we’ll fill this room with a child’s laughter, but no need to rush. Right now, healing with you is what matters. I know you said you weren’t upset with me but I can’t help but feel like I should tell you again that I’m-

Jaune’s right hand removes itself from her grasp and raises to tilt her head up. Just like that, her words were cut off by another kiss. Not like she minded. This was her favorite way for Jaune to tell her to shut up. Ruby’s free hand went to his hair and slightly tugged it; silently asking him to lean down a bit more for a longer kiss. Instead he uses his other hand to hook around the back of he legs and the one on Ruby’s flushed face went to the center of her back. She got the message and hopped into his arms. The entire time they never separated from each other from the simple and passionate kiss. Finally Jaune pulled back which led to a bit of Ruby’s frustration. She almost leaned in for another but managed to control the impulse.

Jaune:Let’s go take a bath.

Ruby:Okay...

xxxx

One week passed before the two set off on their journey. In that time, things already seemed to get a tiny bit easier. Smiles lasted longer, sleeping wasn’t restless, and the air itself, it felt less tense. Then a month passed; now the two sit on a boat that travels the known seas. Jaune watched the ocean hypnotically while Ruby laid back in a chair; eyes closed in serenity.

Ruby:You know, I kinda forgot what it’s like to just sit down and let things....drift I guess is the word? No destination really planned. We’re simply going.

Jaune:Yeah. Last time we were on a honeymoon though, I don’t remember packing our weapons too. Not that I’m complaining.

Ruby:Better safe than sorry. Not to mention the public has gotten in a habit of running up to me and asking for help. Most of the time it’s legit. Also kids like to get picture of me with it. So be ready for that.

Jaune:No worries. You look sexy when you’re working anyways. At least that’s what rumors say.

Ruby:Your opinion?

Jaune:Well.....*smiles*

Bzzz!! Bzzz!!

Jaune:Your scroll is ringing.

Ruby:Hold that thought, it’s Yang. *grabs scroll* Hey sis.

Yang:H..hey Ruby.

Ruby:You okay? *stands up* You sound a bit weird.

Yang:Y...Yeah! Just....

Ruby:Yang?

Yang:.....Promise you won’t get mad, or upset? It’s just, I really want you to be the first to tell you this but I’m not sure how things might turn out. I know you’re in a sensitive time in your life but-

Ruby:*pulls up face time*

Yang is caught off gaurd and jumps as Ruby looks at her; noticing that the blonde girl is wearing a night shirt and sweatpants. Her skin is practically glowing but her face screams anxious, yet exhilarated.

Ruby:.....So you took the next step?

Yang:.....*nods* I’m....pregnant. Hehehe *tearing up* For almost a month.

Ruby:*grins* Congratulations, I mean that.

Yang:Really? I...I was really scared to tell you. I’m also scared that maybe...something.... what if comes back?

Ruby:Don’t worry. I’ll-

Jaune:We’ll won’t let that happen.

Yang:Jaune?

Jaune:*walks into view* I promise. We’ll help you every step of the way. Clothes, medicine, talks....

Ruby:Extra food, room building, the day of the birth, we’ll help however we can. It’s what good Aunts and Uncles would do right?

Yang:....*crying* You guys are so....so...*sobbing*

Ruby:H..hey! I don’t remember hormones kicking in that fast for me.

Yang:It’s not that! It’s....why couldn’t I do that for you!? I care about you both and I was so excited to be the coolest aunt ever while still being your big sis. But when it was all said and done.....I let that slept through my fingers. I couldn’t run fast enough.

Ruby:I never blamed for that day. You did the best that/

Yang:It’s still infuriating! Jaune understands.

Ruby:*looks at him*

Jaune:I don’t know if you ever knew but, Yang was rushing up the building and made it to the roof too. So did Weiss.

Yang:She hasn’t said anything much either but she’s still frustrated over that day too. *sniff* Ruby you’re the world to us. Blake still chastises herself for not noticing any kind of clue. So to hear you say that you’ll be there for me when I failed so hard......I’m so sorry.

Yang’s hand covered her mouth and tears kept flowing like I broken dam. Ruby could only watch from the other side of the screen as her own heart started to break. Has everyone been carrying this pain? Why didn’t she see it before? Would Weiss and even her own uncle have a similar reaction to her sister? After all this time of thinking the only people struggling to progress was her and Jaune, was that wrong? Did everyone feel stuck in some way. That had to be true to some extent; which meant Ruby couldn’t help but feel terrible. ‘Have I....been being selfish this whole time? Did going it alone hurt everyone?’

The thought made her stomach feel like a knot. Their happily ever after really was a long way to go, and she had been a contributor to that. Ruby’s lip started to quiver but the feel of Jaune’s hand grabbing hers pushed away the bleak thoughts. He looked at her with a soft smile that said everything she needed to hear without a word being uttered. Ruby nodded and looked back a Yang who was still torn up over her own guilt.

Ruby:Yang, listen to me. You’re still the best sister I could ask for.

Yang:....

Ruby:I don’t know if my words will reach you but I hope they do. You’re someone, that deserves the world; all of you are. Not because you want to help me as much as possible, but because people like you, Blake, Weiss, you try your damnedest with anyone in need. Life though, it gets the better of us. We fail when we don’t want to. And I know it feels like we shouldn’t have failed with Dustin but..*tearing up* we did. It happened. He’s gone.

........

Ruby:Let’s learn from it, and makes sure it never happens again. Down but not out. I learned that from watching you. So please, don’t waste tears on me. Grow with me instead.

Yang finds it in herself to look Ruby again. Her little sister’s eyes are clearly fighting back their own tears and the brilliant silver shine still remains clouded. Yet, they never looked more determined. Yang wiped her face and nodded.

Yang:Can you by any chance, stop by a visit? I really want to hug you.

Ruby:You couldn’t stop me from showing up anyways. We’ll be there as soon as we can. I love you. Now stop putting stress on the baby. Leaders orders. I gotta go. Also tell your wife the good news! You’re having baby! Be excited.

Yang:*takes a breath* Yes ma’am. Ruby, I love you too. *hangs up*

Ruby:......

Jaune:How are you feeling right now?

Ruby:Honestly? Like shit. I should probably call Weiss now. Who knows just how rough she’s feeling.

Jaune:You know, crying is still okay Ruby. If you wanna take a moment to process.

Ruby:*fidgeting with scroll* That feels a bit wrong. All things considered. I can manage.

Jaune:*cups her face* This isn’t about managing Ruby. It’s about allowing yourself to go through the sadness. There’s strength in tears. No need to rush grief. I’m not.

Her heart felt like it skipped at those words. Ruby’s entire body trembled and her jaw clenched. Tears managed to leak out despite her desperate attempt to fight them back. She could feel instinct to just run off; to not be seen like this. There was nowhere to go however, and Jaune knew that. He slowly pulled her into an embrace that he could tell was hard for Ruby to accept. The poor girl’s mind weighed down with still so much frustration.

They stood like this until finally, a whimper. Then the whimper gave way to more tears. Ruby’s arms went up to hold Jaune tight and it was all over from there. Mournful wails echoed through the air and tears stained his shirt. If Ruby had been a bit quieter then Jaune’s own sniffling and pain might’ve been heard. It was hard, taking steps together. But not as hard as doing it alone. One day everyone would come out on the other end fine, but for right now, they stood in place and just simply cried.

xxxx

Blake:Hehe, is it weird I’m not used to see you both so much anymore?

Ruby:*rubs head* Is it bad I get lost getting to your house now?

Blake:You’re fine. *hugs her* I’m glad your here. Both of you.

Jaune:Would’ve been here sooner but had to find another boat, grimm attack, more grimm. It’s been an interesting two weeks.

Ruby:He’s slightly out of shape is what he’s saying.

Jaune:Hey! I’m getting my groove back. Oh! Congratulations by the way. We probably should’ve lead with that.

Blake:*smiles* Thank you. I’m still kinda in shock about the whole thing. My parents have already gone full grand parent mode. I can barely keep up.

Ruby:It’s not over yet. Dad told me he sending a bunch of gifts this way so be ready for that hurricane. Where’s Yang?

Blake:*steps aside* getting cozy.

Ruby and Jaune walk in and hear snoring coming from the other room. “I know that snore anywhere.” Ruby peaks around the corner and sees her sister knocked out on the couch. Drool drips onto a black and yellow pillow and a bit on her arm. Yang is completely spread out on her back. Ruby looks at blonde’s stomach and sees the baby bump.

Jaune:Damn, this makes me wish I took a picture of you during this time. I could swap the heads on them and it would be the exact same photo.

Ruby:Rude. I slept gracefully.

Blake:You snored and drool all throughout Beacon.

Ruby:*red* Well....yeah.

Blake:Weiss drops by when she’s can. She’s super excited about all this; probably more than anyone else. We can call her and try to set up some plan or something for whatever might happen. It might calm her nerves about the whole thing.

Ruby:Actually, right now I got something I want do.

xxxx

Yang:*waking up* Mmmm, Blake, what time is-

Ruby:*sleeping next to her*Zzzzzz

Her breath slightly tickled Yang’s nose. The girl had snuggled up right next to her and held her close like she used to do all the time. Yang reached over gently brushed a few red strands of hair away from Ruby’s face. She looked so...peaceful. Time had made Ruby older and definitely into a beautiful young woman, but the face of the little Yang loved and cherished was still there plain as day. She planted a kiss on her forehead and raised a giggle out of her. Ruby opened her eyes smiled.

Ruby:Hey sis.

Yang:Hey yourself. Whatcha doing?

Ruby:Oh you know, trying to make everything okay.

Yang:So the usual?

Ruby:That is the usual, isn’t it? I’m sorry we weren’t able to talk about what you were going through sooner.

Yang:Can we make a promise right here? No more apologies. I think we’ve had more of those than actual conversations at this point. Between us, we will always be good.

Ruby:Deal. So, what happens next?

Yang:Nothing. I’m keeping this moment for as long as I can.

Ruby:Sounds like a plan. Your baby sure is going to be lucky to have you.

Yang:So will your next one. Never be afraid to start again.

Ruby:I know. I’m just waiting for something. A feeling or a spark.

Yang:With Jaune?

Ruby:No, there’s plenty of fireworks there. Those might actually be stronger than before and I didn’t think that was possible.

Yang:*wiggles eyebrows* I bet there’s been a lot of “apologizing.”

Ruby:*red* Shut up dork. I think I’m just waiting for some gut feeling to jump back into that process. Not counting the ending, my pregnancy was a bit rough; definitely painful. I have to steel myself for that again and just feel...man it’s hard to explain.

Yang:You’ll know it’s time when it happens. I can understand. Well when you are ready, I’ll be there to support you.

Ruby:I know you will. You’re my awesome big sister. I love you.

Yang:And I, love you. *kisses forehead* The original duo. Now and forever. The energetic strawberry to my sunrise.

Ruby:I prefer gold and silver sisters.

Yang:Ooooo that’s pretty good. We starting a new legend.

Ruby:Please, we always were one.

The two of the smile before dozing off again. Both revitalized. Both finally finding their groove again.

Part 11

[entertainment]

Entertainment Spotlight: Brooke Lewis Bellas

Brooke Lewis Bellas can currently be seen in the film The Mourning. She also brought her talent to the role of Pam Deluca in the comedy ½ New Year, about a tight-knit group of friends letting loose at their annual Half New Year Party. Brooke is a veteran of the horror genre and is returning to those roots with a role in the upcoming zombie film set in 1950’s Hollywood, The Day of The Living Dead. Her other film credits include the critically-acclaimed films Psycho Therapy, iMurders, and Sinatra Club, opposite Danny Nucci. Brooke’s TV credits include Fox’s Quintuplets. She will next be seen in the steaming series Red Rooms, which she also produced. Alongside her acting work, Brooke is a life coach and author of Coaching From A Professed Hot Mess, is a Celebrity Ambassador for the Breaking The Chains Foundation, participates in LA Mission Feed The Homeless, and is a staunch LGBTQ and AIDS Activist.

You have worked extensively in the horror genre—what is it that draws you to that particular genre?

I have always embraced my inner detective and have loved solving mysteries. No wonder I have been a huge fan of Alfred Hitchcock and Brian De Palma most of my life! I was also obsessed with vampires as a young girl and loved the ‘80s horror films when I was growing up. I have always been drawn to the darkness, unknown, mystery and escapism that horror offers. I also love how the horror genre embraces women of all body types (and curves) and offers strong roles for women!

If you could, is there anything that you would want to change about the horror genre?

If I could change anything about the horror genre, it would be the mainstream and public perception. Horror is often perceived as B-movie quality, evil, cultish, or less respectful than comedy or other genres, and that can be a false perception. There are many mainstream movies that we have all loved throughout the history of cinema and these are the type of horror genre films that I grew up watching. I have never been a fan of gratuitous horror and I could reference my favorites, from Alfred Hitchcock to Agatha Christie to Stephen King to Brian De Palma to the current thrillers and mainstream entertainment brought to us by Blumhouse or Jordan Peele, that are timeless. I wish people would understand how smart some of these screenplays are, the subtext of the stories being told. I wish the judgment and stigma of a lot of horror would be removed.

What would you say makes for a good scene partner?

I have been fortunate to act opposite some veteran greats and brilliantly talented actors, and I would, humbly, say that the most important components that make for a good scene partner are generosity, vulnerability, and openness—a partnership in which we listen and support each other. I have worked for over 20 years as an actress in this crazy industry, and there is little I have not experienced. I cannot say that working opposite the most “talented” or trained actors have necessarily been the best scene partner experiences for me. But working opposite generous actors who give and who support you, as you do for them, and you become like a well-oiled machine where the parts work better together...those actors who want you to succeed, who want to bring out the best in you, and you and them, a give and take—that is when movie magic is created!

1/2 New Year is a comedy, so can you tell us what drew you to the project? Can you tell us a little bit about the role of Pam?

½ New Year is an indie film with heart about a group of young people in their 20s who come to Hollywood, not necessarily for the entertainment industry but to live the life…live their best life…live their dreams…live that excitement that we all grow up seeing in movies, and yet, it is not always that simple. And, it is not always that glamorous or fun. We see how these relationships and people are glued together. I think the tagline sums it up best: "Friends are the family you get to choose." So, it is about a group of friends that go through the ups and downs of young life in Hollywood, and they learn that all you really have is love and friendship. I play Pam DeLuca, the big sister of Reed DeLuca (Drew McAnany). The film displays how sometimes we have family out here that is far away from our biological family, and it is what we go through, and the support we need to get from the worst of times to the best of times. It is very 80’s throwback and I think that's what I love so much about it. I met our star, writer, and producer, Drew McAnany, in Hollywood over ten years ago. Drew originally started out hosting in LA, and he was working at E! Entertainment when he interviewed me on the red carpet. He asked me about Philly, and we quickly bonded during that meeting, so he really became like a little brother to me. Like so many young actors in Hollywood, Drew was fighting to get a break for himself as an actor, so he created ½ New Year as a vehicle for himself to star in. He also wrote the role of his big sister, Pam DeLuca (from Philly), for me to act in. We had worked through a few years of table reads and different directors and producers, then Georgia Menides jumped on board, did the re-write on the script, then became the producer who made it happen. Along with producer Zach Block, they hired Tom Morash as our director to creatively guide this project.

I am honored and grateful to have had Pam DeLuca written specifically for me. I think that is something every actor and actress wants in their career. Pam is in her 30’s, and a bit older than her brother Reed and his friends. They are Italian from South Philly, so they argue, but are very close. Pam is part of the gang, but she is like the "mother hen" to them. Her journey is about protecting her brother and giving guiding advice to the girls they hang out with, including the gorgeous leads, played by Bo Youngblood, Shanley Caswell, and Rebecca Vinagro. She also likes to have flings with Reed's young, handsome buddies, including Marty (played by Jermain Alverez Martin). Pam is an on-screen example of what we go through in "Hollywood life”: She is single and all about her career, she loves to party and doesn't want to grow up! The film released in the USA on all TV On Demand and has just been released on Amazon Prime and Tubi TV.

What’s the funniest/weirdest thing that’s ever happened to you on a film?

Oh, I have had many! I truly feel that being an actor and producer in the independent film world involves a whole other level of funny and weird experiences! When you do not have big budgets to deal with, you have to get creative in other ways. So, one funny story that I would love to share was my experience of being one of the producers on a film titled Sinatra Club, that I was fortunate to get to act in, opposite Danny Nucci from Titanic, Jason Gedrick from Iron Eagle, Ellen Hollman from Spartacus, Michael Nouri from Flashdance, and the list goes on and on, with an incredible cast of talent we assembled. And, what was so cool was I found the script in 2004, we filmed in 2009, and it was distributed in 2011, so it was a very long and challenging development period for an indie project, but one of the wildest memories I have was the fact that the story is based on a true story about the night John Gotti became John Gotti, so for all of the mobster history and movie buffs who are reading this, I was so fortunate to be a part of history in the making with this film. This film is based on Sal ‘Ubatz’ Polisi who went into the witness protection program for releasing information on John Gotti and his crew, and when he came out of the witness protection he wrote the story of his life in the Mafia. It was so wild to work on a project for so many years where we would literally meet at 10 o’clock, 11 o’clock, 12 o’clock at night in privacy and secrecy at the Sportsmen’s Lodge in Studio City, California, in hotel suites and we would hold our production meetings there!

You actively support many varied causes, how did you get involved in activism?

I was born with a philanthropist's heart and have always been a supporter of giving back in whatever way we can. I was spearheading events in college to run around Philadelphia and feed the homeless with my sorority sisters. Now, I am so grateful to have whatever little “celebrity” status or recognition I have that can help make a difference. I feel blessed and responsible to give back through my artistic endeavors and through my work. I am a believer in activism and I typically work with numerous charities at a time. I am a celebrity ambassador for the Breaking the Chains Foundation that cultivates healing through art for those who have experienced eating disorders, self-esteem issues, and body image issues. I am active in charity work with the Los Angeles Mission on Skid Row and helping to feed the homeless. I have been active in several Breast Cancer charities and events, as I have lost people whom I loved to breast cancer over the years. I have also been active in quite a few charities and philanthropies to support AIDS research. I authored and have donated my book, titled Ms. Vampy’s Teen Tawk: There’s A Lotta Power In Ya Choices, to support teen girls. And, in giving back to the world, I find that it brings so much fulfillment and gratitude to my own heart.

What does your allyship mean to you?

My allyship means everything to me, both personally and professionally. My empathic heart has always been wired to help others. I do not perceive myself as a person with power or fame, but I am incredibly grateful that I have been afforded the opportunities throughout my career to give back, to take a stand, and to help those who have been marginalized in some way. I am a proud philanthropist and activist, and I feel it is my duty to serve. Throughout my life, I have often felt misunderstood or that I did not belong, and I have dealt with my own challenges and struggles, so I am known to “fight for the underdog” and support those in need.

You are a certified life coach, what’s the best advice you have ever received, and, in your opinion, the best advice you’ve ever given to somebody?

As an actress and life coach, I am a huge proponent of having a strong support system of professionals in my stable. I feel that all creatives and health professionals should have their own support system and professionals to turn to. At the end of the day, I have received such incredible advice from my professionals—my life coach of many years, Lori Bertazzon, and my actress empowerment coach, Michelle Colt. One of my favorite pieces of advice that Lori Bertazzon has given me occurred a few years back when she supported me in creating my own set of personal commandments at the beginning of the year. These are commandments that I consistently refer back to, that help to empower me and help to create breakthroughs when I am having breakdowns in my life or career. Michelle Colt has also given me unbelievable advice and support in her workshops to strengthen my soul as an actress, and I have to reference a recent funny one because I love it so, and she knows me so well: our mantra, “No more shenanigans!”. It is something that I hold near and dear to my heart daily. 

Humbly, I think the best advice I have given over the years was born from my Ms. Vampy web series for teen girls, where I created a catchphrase that I cherish: “When faced with fear, dig deep inside, find your inner Vamp, and… Vamp It Out!”. To this day, my now-adult cast will send me messages that they used this catchphrase. I use it as an adult (you do not have to be a teenage girl to appreciate it) and when I am fearful or trying to have a breakthrough, I dig deep inside and I Vamp It Out! My other favorite catchphrase advice was so powerful for me, I actually named my life coaching business after it: “Be You… And, Be Fearless!” 

Has your training as a life coach ever helped you to prepare for a role/project? How?

I really love this question, because one may think that different careers or skill sets cannot help the other, but I have found that my training as a board-certified life coach has helped me tremendously to prepare for a role or project in a few ways. First, I am now very mindful and aware of the “mind chatter” and I am more able to catch myself in it. When I enter a space of fear or anxiety, I am able to coach myself off the ledge. Even more compelling, is that when I went to school at the Life Purpose Institute to become a board-certified life coach, I learned early on that a very important component of life coaching is “listening without an agenda”. This has helped me exponentially as an actress, because when you are acting and you're truly in the moment, you need to be listening without an agenda, as well. A true response should come from your instincts and that is so wild to me because now I am able to catch myself when I am preparing for a project and I am anticipating what the character will say to me next, and I can catch myself listening with an agenda of what they will say, and I know that I'm not in the moment as an actress.

How can mental well-being and self-care help to sustain activism/advocacy/allyship?

I cannot stress enough how strongly I believe that mental well-being and self-care can help to sustain activism/advocacy/allyship and our own personal strength—mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I actually speak about this in my book Coaching From A Professed Hot Mess: “When you give to yourself and allow yourself to replenish, you have so much more to give to others and will feel so much stronger inside.” I am still working on this, diligently, but when we learn to take care of ourselves and focus on our mental, spiritual, and emotional strength, we understand what it means to feel and give from our hearts. We become inspired to give back and to support people, causes, and have a passion, purpose, and mission, outside of ourselves.

What can you tell us about your latest projects The Second Age of Aquarius, Stripped, The Mourning, and Red Rooms?

At a time when the world is upside down and we do not really know where our next jobs will come from, I feel very blessed that I had acted in, and produced, a few projects that wrapped prior to COVID-19. My Psycho Therapy (Amazon Prime) film director, Staci Layne Wilson, wrote a film with Darren Gordon Smith (Repo! The Genetic Opera). Those two are so crazy talented. It is a fun indie gem. I don’t want to give any spoilers, but it’s The Second Age of Aquarius. It is a comedy, with a little bit of a Sci-Fi twist and a lot of music. It’s really sweet and clever. I’m an Executive Producer and I act in it. I play Tawny Stevens. She’s a young mom, stuck in the eighties, as an eighties, New Jersey, rocker mom. Wait until you see my hair, my make-up, and my leopard pants. I did the Jersey accent. I can’t wait for the film to come out! We also wrapped a TV pilot Stripped. It is a Comedy/Drama. It is a TV pilot that was written and directed by Marc Clebanoff, who also directed the film The Mourning, which stars Michael Walton, Louis Mandylor, Dominique Swain, and Larry Hankin. I was both an actress and a co-producer. The Mourning is a cool Sci-Fi/Love Story that just released on the new Tubi TV streaming channel. Stripped was a passion project. I was also one of the producers with Marc and Frank Krueger (also stars in it). I played Jules, the publicist to the star, Chris Cameron, played by Casper Van Dien. It was created by Mark Clebanoff and late actor, Kristoff St. John. They had created the concept before he passed on, which is such a sad situation, but Marc wanted to carry on his legacy, and he did, and we did. It is such an incredible cast, and series, we are all proud of. Lastly, at the start of COVID-19, my creative instinct kicked in and I knew I had to create to stay somewhat “sane”, so I spent most of the quarantine producing and filming a virtual streaming series. Red Rooms was conceived and completed out of “isolation inspiration”! Joshua Butler and I had been in development on a project and had been reminiscing about our favorite industry days of yesteryear when we met on the horror film circuit. I had already been a superfan of Joshua’s work for years. In 2019, we shot a proof of concept for our project, which paid homage to his hugely successful film VLOG (2008) from the producers of SAW, which went on to become a hit TV series. When COVID-19 hit Hollywood and we were all in isolation, I called for a production meeting, then suggested we use the footage we shot and attempt to experiment by filming each character virtually from their homes. Red Rooms stars horror film and TV veterans Brooke Lewis Bellas (iMurders), David Alpay (The Vampire Diaries), Suze Lanier-Bramlett (The Hills Have Eyes), Ricky Dean Logan (Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare), and Noah Blake (Teen Witch). We are currently working on post-production and cannot wait to see where we end up!

Thanks for taking the time, Brooke! 

Photographer: Birdie Thompson | Hair and Makeup: Allison Noelle

[swimmingdeerpeach]

Just some Ideas I had for Yandere BNHA

WARNING: Slight yandere themes

Bakugou:

It was just another day of work for Bakugou, he was going undercover and searching for a villain who had hacked into several bank accounts and had stolen over 4 million. After some extensive research Bakugou had figured out that this villain worked as a theater manager and worked behind the scenes as this hacking mastermind.

Bakugou sighed as he waited for the show to end there was only one more solo dance performance left and he was bored out of his mind. He sighed as the announcer went backstage to bring in the next performer.

“Ladies and Gentleman I am pleased to introduce the dancing sensation of Roko city y/n!”

Within a flash he saw y/n. His breath hitched and his bored expression turned into a more curious one as he saw y/n how her beautiful hair danced in the light, her gorgeous dress fitting her perfectly and how she smiled at everyone. Something about this girl made him feel different, made him feel like he was complete. 

He stared into her eyes and for the first time ever he felt happy, he didn’t want to shout, he didn’t want to yell, he wasn’t angry, it was just him.

Y/N’s eyes met his briefly which made his heart beat faster but she turned away and as soon as the music started, she swayed elegantly with it. She was calming and refreshing to watch and he couldn’t help but wonder if it was love at first sight...

It must have been, right?

Of course it was! He loved y/n! And he was going to go to the moon and back for her. He would kill for her! He would die for her! 

She was an enchantress her beautiful long tresses swaying with her every movement and how she was the perfect girl for Bakugou.

She was his and no damn extra or reject could take her away from him! They were bound together from that moment on.

Izuku:

This sweet cinnamon roll was walking down the street recently dumped by Ochako Uraraka. He was slowly moving on but the thought of his old girlfriend made his eyes flood with tears. They loved each other and he simply couldn’t understand why she would leave him. He huffed as his eyes watered again.

CRASH

He bumped into someone who was on the ground.

“Geez! Watch where you’re going” she said as Izuku reached down to help her. Both of their eyes met and they took each other in.

She wore a red hat and red jumpsuit with a tag ‘y/n’

Then their eyes met- Izuku couldn’t possibly look away from those beautiful e/c eyes. 

“What?” y/n snapped rudely “cat caught your tongue”

“No-no I’m very sorry...I’m Izuku by the way, Izuku Midoriya” he said with a little stutter here and there. y/n worried over the distraught man and looked down guiltily.

“No I’m sorry” she said looking back at him with a tired smile, “I’m y/n by the way- I was just grumpy because I’d done a 24 hour shift to cover for a friend, y’kow? I just want to go home and get some sleep”

Izuku felt really bad, y/n wouldn’t have to work a day if she was with him. He would make her happy and keep her to himself. She was more than Uraraka could have ever been to him. She was his sun, his moon, his star. He would protect her and this time yn wouldn’t hurt him like Uraraka did, she was an angel- no a goddess. It was love at first sight and he wasn’t going to ever let her go! Of course not!

“y/n you seem really tired, do you want me to walk you home?” Izuku asked slyly.

“No I wouldn’t want to bother you and besides we’ve just met” she said shifting uncomfortably.

“No we know each other” he said

“huh?” she asked alarmed

“your y/n and I’m Izuku... We know each other now” he said giving her a sweet smile and his puppy eyes which she couldn’t refuse.

“Oh alright! Fine by me!” y/n said smiling back at the man who she guided to her house unsuspectingly. After all she really doesn’t know that he’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Shoto Todoroki:

Shoto was enjoying a lonely walk down his usual way until a paper smacked him in the face unsuspectingly. 

“ugh” he groaned as he fell backward. Just his luck.

“Oops! Sorry” A melodic voice from nearby spoke out. 

Shoto quickly grabbed the paper harshly and glanced at the girl running towards him, her eyes shone concern catching him off-guard and building up a warm feeling in his chest. He’s never quiet felt this way before and wishes he did because the feeling was a pleasant one.

“I’m really sorry sir, I’m y/n and I work for an orphanage nearby. I was actually just handing out papers for donations. You see we’ve been running low on our government funds lately so I was handing these papers out. I guess my clumsiness speaks for itself.” She said quickly cutting herself off as she noticed his unfamiliar gaze.

“S-s-sorry sir” y/n said bowing her head down low too embarrassed by this situation. 

“How much money?” Shoto asked all of a sudden pulling out his wallet.

“What?” The girl asked money.

“How much money do you have left to collect for your donations?” He asked. He sounded impatient but in his mind he wanted to stay just like that with her forever.

“We still have 1 million dollars-” y/n was silenced by Shoto’s immediate reaction to take out his check.

“Sir what are you doing?” y/n asked.

“Can’t you see what I am doing? I’m giving you the money” Of course he would. He had decided from the moment he saw her that he was going to take care of her and he would do anything for her.

He quickly signed it and handed it over to her with a donation of 1 million dollars. To say the least the girl was starstruck, she could barely get a hold of herself. She flung herself into his arms and kissed his cheek and that sealed her fate forever.

“Thank you so much sir!” she said still hugging him as tears of joy streamed down her face. The orphanage would be saved after all! 

“Shoto” the man said piping up from this position, “the name’s Shoto” he said and left the girl who would soon be his wife.

Denki:

Denki Kaminari wasn’t a marrying man, he was more of a one night stand kind of person. He was so used to girls fawning over him because of his career, his money, his looks. All that didn’t matter to him but he could never say that it wasn’t fun. He hung out in the clubs every night swaying with the beat with a ton of his fan girls. 

And this day was just like any other, after a hard day at work he went to his favorite club across the street and was hanging out in the bar after dancing for two hours. Seemingly a beautiful girl had come his way, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. Her vibrant hair and eyes, her sheepish smile. Oh he could just stare at her for hours.

“Um sir-?” she started but was quickly cut off by Denki

“You want my autograph, picture, and number right?” he asked grabbing her hand quickly while taking out his pen and signing his name onto her hand. 

“To whom do I make it out-” Before Denki could finish the girl grabbed her hand back.

“You Fool! How the hell did you get the idea that I wanted your fucking autograph on my hand? huh? I was just going to ask if you knew where the exit was! Geez! The gull you have to sign your name onto my hand!” She yelled.

He couldn’t lie- she was hot when she was angry. He continued to listen to her rant until her friend came up behind her and tapped gently on her shoulder.

“What is it?” she asked impatiently.

“Y/n! That’s chargebolt, he is-”

“I don’t give a damn about who this pikachu is! I just want to go home!” she yelled furiously and walked away from that scene.

Denki didn’t want her to go- not yet- no, not ever. He loved the way that this beautiful girl named y/n changed his life within minutes. He would come to that same club everyday in hopes that y/n would be there. He refused to dance with any girl that wasn’t y/n. He would search the streets and the world! All for his dear y/n. He decided that he was going to marry her and they would be the perfect husband and wife together.

Kirishima:

Kirishima was shopping for groceries.

Yeah, heroes had to eat to and the manliest of them all also had to cook for himself. He had a break today and he might as well buy the next meal.

He reached out to grab dome ocra but bumped into the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

Her beautiful hair cascading down her shoulders, her beautiful eyes widening at the sight of bumping into him and then doing a 360.

She was beyond beautiful.

“Oh sorry” she said monotonously.

“hehe it’s fine” he replied while rubbing his neck sheepishly while grabbing ocra for the both of them.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“y/n, what’s yours?” she asked back trying not to be rude. It was her worst day by far and she couldn’t take it out on a kind stranger!

“Ejirou Kirishima!” he replied back enthusiastically to which she smiled slightly, “something seems to be bothering you” he said quietly.

“Oh well it isn’t much- oh fine your just a stranger that I’m never going to see anyways! So what the hell? Y’know my parents they are super annoying even though I’m a grown women they work me to death and I’m supposed to give them half of the money I earned to them! It’s evil! I can’t afford for food myself and they can even without the support of my income they can buy thousands of rich people meals for themselves! They said that I owed them something and took away everything I loved from me-” and so the story went on.

Kirishima couldn’t seem to break his mind away from this rant he was onto every word that came out of her beautiful mouth. How dare her parents do this to her? She was his beautiful angel now and he will become manly and protect her! The red riot wanted to save his princess from trouble and lock her up in a lavish castle where they both could live happily ever after.

Shinsou:

Shinsou was up late in the U.A library. It was a long day, he came back to U.A to meet his adoptive father, Aizawa, his adoptive sister Eri who was a U.A student herself now. After one whole day of hanging out with his family, he sat back in the library enjoying the peace and quiet. 

After a few minutes of resting his eyes he heard a loud CLANG towards the south of the library. He quickly woke up and ran towards the source of the noise.

There was a woman in a tight formfitting black jumpsuit and a black mask holding a few textbooks and a small romance novel that he liked as well. He smiled a little in amusement as the women stopped and backed up into the wall.

Shinsou put both his hands on either side of her to stop her from escaping trapping her as she squirmed. Shinsou snatched the mask away from her face and stared at her beautiful face. 

Her eyes slightly widened as Shinsou’s smile grew.

“What are you doing here darling?” he asked

“What does it look like?! Do you think I’m a f-fool? I’m sealing books” she said- she was scared but she was trying to act tough.

“Security!-” Shinsou tried to yell but the woman crashed her mouth into his to just shut him up.

Shinsou was quiet surprised but melted into her soft kiss and passionately kissed back. Both of them pulled apart and the woman breathed out and crashed back into the wall.

“You know if you wanted me to kiss you, you could have just asked” he breathed out still flustered from the kiss.

“I had no other choice! Listen I’m y/n and I’m 19 and the daughter of the U.A school librarian... I want to go to college but my family doesn’t have enough money... So I’m just studying. I didn’t want you to call security so I did what felt right at the moment, and in order to shut you up I kissed you... Please don’t say anything about me to anyone... I return all of my books anyway! I just don’t go here so I can’t get books-”

“What University did you want to go to?”

“(insert your favorite university name)”

“Oh alright I’ll talk to the librarian tomorrow and get you in there” He said absent minded still staring at the woman waiting for her answer.

“How will you get me in?” she asked innocently

Anything for her of course! She was his the moment she kissed him and he wasn’t going to let her go! She was never to be sad because from that moment on she was his.

“I saved that university a couple of months ago, they owe me a favor anyways” he said nonchalantly while bending down to her height and whispering into her ears, “you should never be unhappy love” 

With that Shinsou walked away in total bliss, they were fated together afterall.

Iida:

Iida was interrogating a villain to gather information about her group. She was the queen bee and apparently she had sacrificed herself for her group. He didn’t want to interrogate her, he was conflicted. He just couldn’t because he was in love with her. Even though it was so wrong it felt so right. He wanted her to be a hero but what’s the fun in that? Love threw it’s challenges at everyone-their challenge was the fact that they were on different sides. 

“What is the name of your villain organization y/n?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know pretty boy?” she asked with sarcasm dripping from every word. His partner kicked her.

“He asked a question! Answer it!” His partner fumed.

“As if I’d ever answer to you shorty!” She yelled back in pain.

“What did you call me?”

“Shorty” she replied back earning her another kick as her chair fell down and she groaned. Tears pricked the corner of her eyes,

“Go easy on her” Iida said from the background trying his hardest to hide his tears.

“We are going easy on her Iida” his partner reminded him.

“Ugh” Iida groaned and grabbed his partner and walked out of that room. 

“We are done for the day, release her!” he said and the guards reluctantly complied and set her free.

“I-I-ida what the fuck are you doing?!” The partner asked

“Doing what’s right” he said, “By the way you are fired from my agency” he said without sparing him a second glance. 

He walked away with his heart on his sleeve. Iida was madly in love with y/n the villain and he would do anything for her. After all she was his.

[antiquecompass]

Ficlet: Chains of Love

Forgot to post this over here, but a tiny LAHL Xicheng Valentine’s Day Ficlet, featuring siblings, paper chains, and other chains.

In many ways having his brother living in his ridiculous historical mansion not even thirty minutes away made Jiang Cheng’s life easier. In other ways it made it an absolute goddamned burden. Like now, when his brother decided to waltz into the Jiang Industries Pittsfield Location, right into Jiang Cheng’s office, to find him doing his best to be a supportive partner and help construct the ridiculous amounts of red, white, and pink paper chains for all the Lan Academy elementary school Valentine Day parties.

Jiang Cheng didn’t even have a chance to duck and hide as Wei Ying quickly snapped an entire series of photos.

“I’m sending these to everyone I know,” Wei Ying said.

“Get the fuck out of my building,” Jiang Cheng said, throwing one of his many glue sticks at his brother’s head.

“How in the hell did Xichen,” he picked up one of the finished chains, “rope you into this one? Chain you into Arts and Crafts hell? Ensnare you into--”

“You can stop at any time,” Jiang Cheng said.

“Fair,” Wei Ying agreed. “Still--how?”

“Have you seen his disappointed face?” Jiang Cheng asked.

Wei Ying shuddered. “Enough said.” He sat down, dropping a paper bag with a large grease stain in the middle of the table. “I brought you curly fries because I was writing about a character eating curly fries, and then I needed some for myself, and then I thought of you, sitting here in Pittsfield, probably trying to eat all that damn trail mix--”

“The trail mix is good.”

“And I simply had to save you,” Wei Ying said. He took a stack of the pre-cut strips and a glue stick and started working. “Isn’t this something the PTA is supposed to do? Parent volunteers?”

Jiang Cheng sighed. “You know most of the kids at Lan Academy are boarders, right? Very few of them, unless they are Lans, are day school students.”

Wei Ying made a face. “Sucks,” he said. “They’re little kids.”

“Which is why the teachers, volunteers, and older students help, but with the increased attendance numbers, they needed even more help this year.”

“They’re going to need a new building soon. I can’t imagine the Lans want classroom trailers on their properties.”

Jiang Cheng did not say a damn word.

“Oh, what the fuck did you do?” Wei Ying asked.

“It’s a charitable donation,” Jiang Cheng said.

“You bought Xichen a friggin’ building?”

“Donated,” Jiang Cheng corrected.

“And I assume Jiang Industries will be doing the construction as well? At a discounted price? Who’s the architect? One of Xiao Xingchen’s brothers?”

Jiang Cheng tried to focus on getting the paper chains perfectly even.

“How’re those business ethics going for you?” Wei Ying asked.

Now that was a step too far. He glared at his brother. “This will be the sixteenth time Jiang Industries has donated a building and its workforce to a school. This is the first time it’s in the family, so to speak, and since no one seems bothered about my business ethics paying for their Red Sox, Celtics, Bruins, or Pats tickets, I don’t want to hear a single fucking word about helping put a much-needed building up at the school so personally connected to our family. And it’s my money that’s the bulk of the donation, not Jiang Industries, not the Jiang Foundation, mine.”

When Great-grandfather Yu passed, he left them all sizable inheritances, but Jiang Cheng had wound up with the bulk of it. The only instruction had been to use it to further good in the world. Jiang Cheng had been sitting on the majority of the money, letting it gain interest, since he was fourteen.

Xichen was determined to open up Lan Academy as much as possible to all students who could live-up to their academic standards. He was determined to do it, even if it meant the majority of the students would be scholarship kids. He was determined to make Lan Academy the premier school for the local kids and families, so they’d have a chance at a truly world-class education. He was determined, but the Academy simply didn’t have the facilities for such a swell in numbers, and if left to the board, a new building wouldn't be seen until Lan Sizhui was ready to retire as headmaster.

So, Jiang Cheng made a decision.

Wei Ying laughed. “Look who just won Boyfriend of the Century.” He threw a completed paper chain at Jiang Cheng’s head. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Xichen. Here’s the plan for a brand-new school building and the check to pay for it.”

“I wasn’t planning on bringing it up until the next Board Meeting when I can publicly hand over the donation and give them the proposal,” Jiang Cheng said.

“So, then what did you get him for Valentine’s Day?”

“A new set of his fancy water color paints and brushes,” Jiang Cheng said. “He was running out.”

He’d also adorned his person with a little surprise for Xichen that his brother was never, ever finding out about, but that wasn’t any of Wei Ying’s business anyway, nor was he saving it for Valentine's Day.

Wei Ying sighed. “How can you be so pragmatic and so romantic at the same time? You leave me in utter despair sometimes, little brother.”

“The feeling is absolutely mutual,” Jiang Cheng said.

“No flowers?”

“You know how he feels about plants that aren’t in pots and I can’t keep giving him orchids. We’re running out of room,” Jiang Cheng said. “Some of us don’t have our own greenhouses.

“Don’t be jealous. And technically Lan Xichen sort of owns the Lan Academy greenhouses,” Wei Ying said. “What about candy?” he asked.

“I already get him artisan fair-trade chocolate truffles or fudge once a week,” Jiang Cheng said. "Twice if it's a bad week."

Wei Ying sighed as he completed another paper chain. “And you both prefer dinner at home, so that’s out as well.”

“You’re the same as me,” Jiang Cheng said. “What are your plans outside of shuffling your kid off on Molly for the night?”

“Molly volunteered to host a sleepover,” Wei Ying corrected. He grinned as yet another paper chain joined the pile, a distracted Wei Ying always somehow a very productive Wei Ying. “And, yes, my plans are an empty house and a dinner at home. Do you really want to know more than that? Are some pointers needed? Some help? Some advice? Xichen did just turn forty.”

It was absolutely beneath Jiang Cheng, as the CEO of his company, as a grown-ass man himself, to start a slap-fight with his older brother, but he felt that it was completely warranted at that moment.

**********

Jiang Cheng always felt a little wary of Lan Academy at night. The beautiful architecture during the day took on a sinister turn in the dark, the angles of the floodlights and campus street lamps changing the welcoming walkways into paths that made you hurry along quickly, afraid of what could be hiding in the woods, or coming down from the mountains in the shadows of the night.

He should not be this freaked out carrying a tub full of construction paper chains and various others Valentine’s Day decor to an elementary school, but this part of the campus was the oldest part, and the shadows cast by the building’s spires were long.

“You going to stand there or are you going to come inside?”

Jiang Cheng had never been so happy to see Lan Jia in his life. The woman intimidated the hell out of him, had that same vague commanding authority as his mother, and was one of Lan Xichen’s closest family elders.

She was also a fencing expert and he had no doubt, if giving the inclination, she could knock him out cold with some fancy footwork and a foil.

“He give you the disappointed, ‘I believe the children are our future’ speech too?” Jia asked as the door banged shut behind them.

Jiang Cheng nodded. “And then the whole, ‘you know it’s not one of those holidays they can go home for’ bit too,” he said.

Lan Jia laughed. “I take it you’re going to be baking some cupcakes as well?”

There was an entire counter in their kitchen stuffed full with boxed cake mix and the kitchen table was already being assembled into a workstation. He’d be spending every night for the next week working on the damn batches, even though Lan Xichen had an entire culinary department at his disposal. He’d asked, and Jiang Cheng couldn’t say no, so this week he’d help decorate all the damn classrooms and then he’d start baking all the damn cupcakes and decorating them too, and having to ask his sister to ask his brother-in-law for his damn good strawberry cheese cream flavored frosting.

The things he did for the man he loved.

Lan Jia pointed down the hall. “He’s in the kindergarten classroom.”

“Of course he is,” Jiang Cheng said.

Lan Jia laughed as she gave him a little shove.

The kindergartners were the only true full day-students of Lan Academy. They didn’t accept any boarding students unless they were old enough for first grade, but that didn’t mean the youngest of Lan Academy’s student body were going to be left out of the festivities.

Jiang Cheng lingered at the doorway as he watched Xichen at work. He was almost done, the kindergarten classroom being one of the smallest on campus, but Jiang Cheng could see the perfectionist part of Xichen coming out, adjusting, and re-adjusting the various hanging hearts from the ceiling.

“If you get this picky about it, we’re never going to finish all the classrooms,” Jiang Cheng said.

Xichen turned to him with a wide smile. He nodded in agreement before folding up his stepladder. “I can always fix it tomorrow,” he said.

“It’s perfect,” Jiang Cheng said.

Xichen shrugged. “For now, I suppose.” He leaned down and kissed Jiang Cheng, sweet and quick. “Hello, my love.”

Jiang Cheng shifted the plastic tub in his arms and kissed Xichen again. “Hi,” he said. “So, where to?”

“Anna’s classroom for you,” Xichen said. “I’ll be in Scott’s room.”

Jiang Cheng laughed low. “Don’t trust yourself alone in a room with me?”

“In that sweater?” Xichen asked, referring to their shared favorite cream-colored sweater Jiang Cheng had grabbed after his post-workout shower. “Never,” he said.

“The headmaster of Lan Academy incapable of controlling himself? Whatever would your uncle say?”

“Shameless.”

Jiang Cheng turned around to find Lan Jingyi laughing at them from behind a veritable mountain of balloons, Ouyang Zizhen and Lan Sizhui with him.

“Your imitation is getting better,” Jiang Cheng said.

“Thanks,” Lan Jingyi said. He turned to Xichen. “We’ve got about a hundred balloons done already. Should we put them up now or keep them in groups?”

“In groups,” Xichen said. “There should be some weights in there to keep them tied down.”

Jingyj gave them a salute before the boys disappeared.

**********

Jiang Cheng was decorating his final classroom of the night, hanging the last paper chain and the last bit of streamers, when familiar arms wrapped around him tight and teeth nipped at the skin behind his ear.

“Really? That’s what does it for you now? The smell of construction paper and glue? The hamster wheel squeaking in the background? Pressing me up against the Percy Jackson bookshelf?” Jiang Cheng asked as he leaned into Xichen’s arms.

“Hmm, or it could just be you, wearing my sweater, smelling like my cologne,” Xichen said.

“My sweater first,” Jiang Cheng said.

Xichen laughed, his fingers sliding under the fabric to rest on Jiang Cheng’s stomach. He made a confused sound and leaned forward to inspect the paper chain above them. “Is that--is that glitter glue?”

Leave it to his brother to ruin the moment even when he wasn’t actually present.

“So, my brother dropped by today. He decided my glue sticks were too basic and then bought out, what I’m guessing, was CVS’ entire stock of glitter glue.”

“Festive,” Xichen said. His fingers slid further up Jiang Cheng’s stomach until they stopped and Xichen’s entire body froze.

Jiang Cheng grinned with the oh-so-familiar rush of rendering Lan Xichen stock still and speechless. It was nice to know he could still do that after nearly six years together.

“Is that?” Xichen’s voice stuttered as his long fingers encountered the first chain fringe hanging between Jiang Cheng’s nipple rings. “Is that?” he asked again.

“Is it?” Jiang Cheng asked. He gasped as Xichen’s fingers wrapped around the closest chain and tugged.

Xichen made an inhuman sound and Jiang Cheng grinned again.

“So, happy early Valentine’s Day,” he said. “I decided to stick with the chain theme.”

“Get in the car,” Xichen said. “Now. Please. I can’t--not--this is a classroom for fifth graders.”

“No one told you to get handsy on school property,” Jiang Cheng said, even though he damn well knew how Xichen got when he wore this sweater.

“Car. Now.” Xichen kissed him again, tugging Jiang Cheng’s bottom lip between his teeth and giving it a little nip. “Please,” he finished.

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” Jiang Cheng said.

[purplesurveys]

961

What was the most unsettling film you’ve seen? Unsettling films are my jam, man. To name a few, there’s Eraserhead, Room, Midsommar, Eyes Wide Shut, Misery, and most recently, I’m Thinking of Ending Things. Eraserhead takes the cake though. That movie always makes me queasy...

What unethical experiment would have the biggest positive impact on society as a whole? I’m a firm believer in nothing good ever comes out of unethical practices. I’ll never forget reading about an experiment where a group of newborn babies were given basic needs like food and being bathed, but weren’t shown any affection whatsoever and it was meant to see if humans can survive with just the most basic physiological needs. By the end of the experiment period half of the babies were dead. The results were honestly a lot bleaker than how I’ve put it, but I don’t wanna be a downer lol. Suffice it to say that experiment haunted me for days after reading it.

When was the last time you were snooping, and found something you wish you hadn’t? It was around a week or so ago, I’m pretty sure.

Which celebrity or band has the worst fan base? My sister is into K-pop and I hear insights from her all the time, but her one constant is that BTS breeds the most annoying, toxic fans. I’d have to agree. Ariana Grande’s fandom was also annoying at one point, but I haven’t heard much from them making a mess these days.

What are you interested in that most people aren’t? Autobiographies.

If you were given a PhD degree, but had no more knowledge of the subject of the degree besides what you have now, what degree would you want to be given to you? Why would I deserve a PhD on something I’m clearly not qualified for...I’m not sure I’m following this question right, but I don’t feel like thinking too hard about it.

What smartphone feature would you actually be excited for a company to implement? I’m happy with the features that are widespread now, but I wish companies adhere more to countries other than the common ones like US, UK, Australia, etc. I always see ads about phones being able to tell you how much movie tickets cost or track boarding passes, but those are all irrelevant here. It makes a lot of Apple’s basic apps useless on this side of the world haha.

What’s something people don’t worry about but really should? Long-term effects of poor habits like not getting enough sleep or drinking too many cups of coffee. I know because I’m guilty of this.

What movie quotes do you use on a regular basis? “I won’t think about that now, I’ll think about it tomorrow,” but I usually say it to myself, especially when I feel stressed.

Do you think that children born today will have better or worse lives than their parents? Better, but idk if that’s just me being biased because my generation will be the next parents lol. I just think that a lot of Gen X parents still have a lot of dated prejudices and mindsets that my generation was able to learn better from. For example my mom doesn’t like using people’s preferred names, especially if they’ve transitioned -_____- and I know I’d never want to set such an example for my kids.

What’s the funniest joke you know by heart? I know I’ve come across hilarious ones but I always fail to come up with one when asked on the spot.

When was the last time you felt you had a new lease on life? LOL RIGHT NOW

What’s the funniest actual name you’ve heard of someone having? It’s more stupid than funny and I know I’ve already mentioned this before, but Covid Bryant as a first and second name still takes the cake for me. My sister went to school with a girl whose name is just her surname backwards, and for a time I was really weirded out by it. But in the times I’ve seen her she really owns her name and never looks bothered by it, so I quickly stopped caring.

Which charity or charitable cause is most deserving of money? For me it would have to be organizations for animal welfare.

What TV show character would it be the most fun to change places with for a week? Post-El Camino Jesse Pinkman. I wouldn’t want to live through his chaotic shit  from Breaking Bad, but his fate after El Camino is something I’m super envious of.

What was cool when you were young but isn’t cool now? Flip phones, Blackberry phones, Roshes, Frappuccinos.

If you were moving to another country, but could only pack one carry-on sized bag, what would you pack? Phone, laptop, their chargers, important IDs, some of my favorite tops and jeans, underwear, essential toiletries, wallet, a family photo, a journal and pen, earphones, certain knickknacks to remember Gab and my dogs by. Minus the clothes, all of these are pretty tiny so I think these would all fit in the bag just fine.

What’s the most ironic thing you’ve seen happen? I don’t know. I’m not really a fan of rating the most/worst this and that stuff in my life, either. I feel like I unnecessarily rack my brain too hard for them when I take surveys to have a chill time.

If magic was real, what spell would you try to learn first? Probably something that’d keep my dogs from dying.

If you were a ghost and could possess people, what would you make them do? No thanks. I’d be the chillest ghost tbh, I’d like to just sneak up on people’s business and hang out but never interfere in them.

What goal do you think humanity is not focused enough on achieving? Climate change, global warming, alleviation of poverty. Corporations and the few people who actually have the power and money to change things only ever come up with short-term shit like donations and never look at the big picture. What problem are you currently grappling with? So many personal ones. But just like the recurring theme of my surveys so far, “I don’t want to get into it.”

What character in a movie could have been great, but the actor they cast didn’t fit the role? As much as I love Kristen Stewart, I heard she was cast as Princess Diana for an upcoming film and I’m not really feeling that decision. They could’ve gone with a British actress for starters?????? The movie is still in production but it is pretty annoying to think about lmao.

What game have you spent the most hours playing? Probably GTA: San Andreas as a kid.

What’s the most comfortable bed or chair you’ve ever been in? Luxury hotel beds are always so fluffy and comfortable.

What’s the craziest conversation you’ve overheard? Omg one time at a coffee shop Gabie and I sat beside this older couple that obviously was going through some heavy SHIT. There was a lot of animosity and tension between them and I caught the lady silently break into tears a few times. I never overheard anything but then again they sat in silence for hours until the lady finally walked out on him. Never knew what it was about but I’ve always guessed that the man did something crappy, like cheat, and was discovered. It was a really sad sight and a crazy situation to witness and I think I felt even more sorry because they were obviously in their 50s or 60s. I hope the woman is in a better place now as she looked rough as fuck that evening.

What’s the hardest you’ve ever worked? I wore a lot of hats when I was in my college org, and that was on top of balancing my acads as well.

What movie, picture, or video always makes you laugh no matter how often you watch it? That scene from Friends where Ross plays the keyboard for Chandler, Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel.

What artist or band do you always recommend when someone asks for a music recommendation? It depends on what music they’re into and if I have actually have a recommendation in mind for them. I obviously can’t suggest Paramore to someone who mainly listens to metal.

If you could have an all-expenses paid trip to see any famous world monument, which monument would you choose? I’m down for any monuments that are super ancient like Stonehenge or the Pyramids of Giza.

If animals could talk, which animal would be the most annoying? I’d go with frogs, but only because they get annoyingly loud in the evening.

What’s the most addicted to a game you’ve ever been? Playing The Sims, Mario Kart, Rock Band, or games in the Burnout franchise.

What’s the coldest you’ve ever been? Japan was so fucking cold when I was there. Didn’t do my research and ended up being dressed poorly, and I was so cold I could barely talk to my parents or fully enjoy my time. Sagada was also nearly unbearable in the early morning.

Which protagonist from a book or movie would make the worst roommate? Not from a book or movie, but BoJack Horseman. Diane can also be in the running as I always found her too whiny. I get that she had her personal shit to deal with, but I don’t think living with her would be good for my own sanity and mental health.

Do you eat food that’s past its expiration date if it still smells and looks fine? It annoys my chef dad to death that I don’t lol. No matter how great it looks, I’d bounce. I once ate expired Kit Kats that tasted like cardboard and that scared me off of expired food forever.

What’s the most ridiculous thing you have bought? I once bought a stupid novelty soap that to this day I’ve never even opened. It’s in one of my drawers, and I plan to just throw it out at some point.

What’s the funniest comedy skit you’ve seen? Not a fan of these but one that got to me is Dear Sister from SNL.

What’s the most depressing meal you’ve eaten? A few years ago there was a local breakfast place that offered red velvet pancakes for a limited time and I was all over that crap, so I went and ordered. The actual pancakes ended up not being any bigger than my palm, and I remember not being able to hide my disappointment once the server placed the dish on my table haha. I felt so scammed. I had to order something else to feel full, because those pancakes were stupidly small.

What tips or tricks have you picked up from your job/jobs? One of my superiors, when she was presenting a pitch to our director yesterday, kept asking questions and picking at the director’s brain so that she can get suggestions and answers straight from the director herself and so that she didn’t have to do any brainstorming anymore. I thought that was a pretty nifty and clever hack.

What outdoor activity haven’t you tried, but would like to? Hiking a mountain!

What songs hit you with a wave of nostalgia every time you hear them? Umbrella by Rihanna feat. Jay-Z.

What’s the worst backhanded compliment you could give someone? Idk, anything can be the worst depending on the context. I’m not a fan of giving those, though.

What’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched? Unsolved Mysteries’ Dupont de Ligonnès episode was a lot of fun to watch.

What was the last song you sang along to? I think it was Thinking of You by Katy Perry? but I’m not entirely sure. I haven’t sung along to anything in a while.

What app can you not believe someone hasn’t made yet? I don’t really download and use a lot of apps other than the basic ones, so I don’t care too much.

When was the last time you face palmed? Last night.

If you were given five million dollars to open a small museum, what kind of museum would you create? I’d give it away to the Martial Law museum currently being made near my university so that it can do more to show the atrocities of the Marcoses. And so that I can piss off my pro-Marcos relatives.

Which of your vices or bad habits would be the hardest to give up? Uh hating myself, if that counts.

What really needs to be modernized? Public transportation systems in this country.

[w-ngs]

may20

feels weird writing about something as mundane as a ~monthly completeds~ during a literal fuckin’ revolution, so i just wanted to point whoever might end up reading this to my second to last post where i linked: 1) a website with multiple other links to donate to and 2) a link to a free (!!!!!) youtube video that you can watch without skipping ads to help generate revenue for even more donations. we can at least do this much to help our black brothers and sisters.

~ pachinko, min jin lee — originally i was going to make a full, separate post about this book because oh my god how beautifully tragic and culturally eye-opening of a book. but it actually took me uh... around 3 months to finish reading because it kinda got forgotten in the middle of moving back home from college and quarantine and all the other coronavirus business. i don’t want to butcher what i remember about the first half, so i moved it to here. great ready, this is going to be kind of a long one. while reading, i was fully struck by how i literally know nothing, NOTHING about my korean culture. koreans as a whole have suffered discrimination in ways i didn’t know asians could suffer. what made it even more mind-boggling was that it was discrimination by other asians. the japanese, to be specific. honestly, i got nothing against them. my parents are very staunchly on one side (you can probably guess which) and rightly so. they’re products of a fading japanese imperialism, so there’s no reason for them not to have strong opinions about japan. what i feel like i should have expected, but really didn’t, was how much death was a prevailing factor within all the stories. it’s everywhere. and because of that, as well as other factors such as racism or depression or sickness or even freak accidents, no one even came close to living what most people would categorize as a happy life (i say most people because i’m kind of iffy about the concept of “happiness,” so whenever i refer to the feeling it’s more in a generally accepted definition of the word). not a single person was able to escape suffering on the basis of ethnicity. lol there was one moment where i wondered how they could tell koreans apart from japanese because there are times when i can barely tell different asians apart myself. but i guess since koreans in japan (and in general, except our mans koh hansu) lived less privileged lifestyles, it would be easy to tell with a glance at their outer appearance. another aspect about this story i found striking was lee’s writing style. although simple, it added just enough detail to really make that emotional punch hit you right in the gut. there were some characters i felt more attached to than others (noah and sunja, you two will live in my heart), but there wasn’t a single person’s story i didn’t want to read about. each one offered glimpses into lives of koreans who moved to japan to try and live better lives. but alas, hardships exist no matter where one goes. lee’s book taught me that there is so much more to my culture than what i’m only currently exposed to, and it made me want to know more. more about my history and the people that suffered and died to try and create a better world for their children.

~ educated, tara westover — see my full post about this book here! also, just read it. you won’t regret it.

~ an enchantment of ravens, margaret rogerson — cindy (readwithcindy on youtube; i love her check her out) gushed about this book so much in her past videos it made me really hyped to read it as well. except i was really disappointed, lol. her biggest point was that the book’s basically all fluff, which is true for some parts. but the fluff ain’t even that fluffy. i was excepting cotton candy/make-your-teeth-ache fluff, but it was meh. honestly i think my favorite character was either gadfly (what a savage) or aster (what a psychotic but still adorable girl). i did like the concept of “craft” and its consequences/benefits. the world-building was well thought out and overall an interesting take on faeries. i’d recommend it to people who are in the mood to enjoy a short and simple romance fantasy story.

~ the grand design, leonard mlodinow & stephen hawking — the book i actually wanted to read instead was a brief history of time, but that wasn’t available in my library’s ebook app yet. so i picked this one because it sounded interesting (multiverse theory! wow!) and i was truly not disappointed. i also had no idea what my brain was absorbing more than half the time and i don’t think i retained even a fourth of what was said. but they did talk about some cool things, like parallel universes and how we literally create our own past by trying to figure out how it happened. and how there are infinite choices we could have made but those don’t end up mattering because the choices we made are what have placed us where we are now. or something along those lines. a very cool book. wish i had the brain capacity to appreciate it more fully.

~ lol also i made a post about crash landing on you if anyone wants to read it haha

[bi-lullaby]

Meredith vs People

Alternative titles: “My other post in a similar format got slightly popular and I crave attention” and “I’m still hung up on the one time Owen called Mer “the only universally liked individual in the hospital” because she is my fave”

Meredith x Cristina

Once called “the true lovestory of the show” I think it’s one of the kost refreshing relationships between characters I’ve ever seen in my, admittedly not that long, experience with fandom. The love and support each other wildly and publicly, straight up say to others how their person is important and a thing to prioritize. It’s so... Amazing to watch their deep, soulmate-like bond develop. I also love them from a narrative standpoint: How they started out as ambitious, driven people with complicated relationships with intimacy who saw surgery as the end all be all goal, and how they’re allowed to grow apart from that slightly, acquire other goals and relationships and projects (Meredith) or continue on that path, prioritizing their career and success solely/mostly (Cristina) and how both are treated as valid, rewarding choices (Mer with her happiness at family life and her Harper Avery, and Cristina with her bomb-ass hospital and the resolution of her personal relationships). They’re two characters that took on distinct journeys, but whose paths to personal fulfillment are deeply intertwined to each other.

Meredith x Alex

Okay, this is my favorite friendship ever. If Izzie showed Alex that his “evil spawn” ways weren’t exactly preferable nor they made him better than anyone or immune to pain, Meredith stuck out her hand for him and said “you’re dark and twisty? Cool. Doesn’t mean you can’t find, and fight for, happiness. Lets be dark and twisty together while we figure this out.” They relate to each other in a fascinating way, both children of neglect (to varying degrees) who worked their way to the top with a lot of bumps in the way. Also, seeing as I’m Mer’s number one stan, I also love their relationship because Alex is so amazing to her. Even Cristina had her moments of “mommy tracking” her, or even putting her aside in favor of a relationship, while Alex sticks by her side like glue and puts her above almost everything (which, I’m not saying a friendship is less valid if it’s not the most important thing in the world to you, of course not. I’m saying that everyone has a favorite person in the world, and the fact Mer is someone’s, makes that someone (Alex) even better in my eyes). Meredith sticks by the people she cares about’s sides through whatever they’re going through, in whatever way she can, and I find that that is surprisingly not-reciprocal in some instances, so it’s good she has her own ride-or-die. It’s also comic to me that two of the most sexually active, sex-driven characters in the show have never had an indication of sexual tension between them. (Almost like men and women can be friends, shocking!). The show’s not complete without Merlex, that’s for sure!

Meredith x Lexie

BRB, will be crying about the softest sisters ever, who deserved a much more fleshed-out relationship! To this day, all my (unpublished) Grey’s fanfiction involve “Lexie is actually alive” because it was such a traumatic loss to Meredith (that was under explored, imo, even if the little mentions of it through the show are heartwarming AND breaking). I loved that they made Mer push her way at first, because it showed her deep resentment of her own life, of not getting the doting father and the protective mother and the “growing up with siblings” and then having someone who had all that come and throw at her face the word “sisters” like they shared anything but DNA at that point... I think my two favorite examples of “family is about choice, not blood” examples of this show are their relationship and how it got deep through knowing each other (Meredith donates a piece of her liver to their father because of Lexie, but doesn’t remember Molly’s name in the same ep because Molly has not actively been her sister) and another one I’ll talk about later. And the contrast between Lexie’s own sadness from suddenly being left with basically no family (alcoholic father, dead mother,stranded older dister and far-away younger sister, all things I feel like people don’t consider enough to understand Lexie has also suffered) and her fight to get that family back was just so amazing. In a way, Lexie was Meredith’s Izzie, not only by being cuddly and fuzzy and nurturing but by having a “I deserve better than you being an asshole so I’ll make you less of an asshole or so help me god” attitude. Mer got softer for lexie and I think that’s beautiful.

Meredith x Amelia

Yeah, that’s my other “favorite family is not by blood, it’s by choice” ark. That clear-contrast scene of Amelia coming from her “sisters” meetup, emotionally drained after having to endure their toxic, demeaning, vicious attacks, and into her sisters, who are earning to hear what she has to say, who empathize with her and support her... I ate that shit UP, let me tell you. Because Mer was such a huge bitch to Amy at first, but came to love her after allowing herself to truly get to know her (which is the opposite story with Nancy and Lizzie and Kate, who all refuse to get to know her past the version that they despise). I also love that Derek was kind of a barrier between them, because he had his own views of Amy that influenced Mer and when he was gone, she had to face a... quite different reality. I see a lot of people shitting on Mer for the “You’re not my sister, Cristina is my sister. You’re Derek’s sister and Derek is dead” line, and I can see why, it was rude, but... That’s Meredith’s whole instance on family? Yeah, Amy was sweet and I’d bet she was mer’s favorite “Shepherdress” out of the four woman (she had stood up to her before, against Derek, nonetheless), and it breaks my heart that Amy saw her as “the only sister she could relate to” (seriously I was sobbing) but... Sister? That’s a personal, intimate title she reserved very, very few people in her life, and Amy has earned that right with a lot more patience and care than most people put into relationships. Of course she was more loyal to Cristina than to Amy at that point (who herself was more loyal to Addison than to her own siblings, hence she didn’t tell Derek about the affair, for example). But then? She literally tells Megan she can’t possibly choose which one of Owen’s wives she likes more, and need I remind you the other one is Cristina herself? (who she called “her soulmate” over Derek?. They’re two example of women who’ve gone through tremendous trauma and pain and came out changed from it, and the fact they have each other for support now makes me very, very happy. I do wish they had more scenes together, but the ones they do share are enough for me to say their relationship is a gift for this show.

Meredith x Maggie

So pure! I like that they meet up when they’re both older and more experienced and have kind of “set” personalities, that clash sometimes, but also can add up into beautiful things when combined. It was... slightly frustrating to see Mer push away yet another person at first, but watching them get closer was also sweet. I hate the comparisons between their relationship and Merlexie’s (and the comparisons between Maggie and Lexie/Cristina/April like she’s just a stand-in for them). They were different moments of all their lives. Mer and Lexie? Inexperienced 20-something women going though shit trying to find their place in the world, when Mer was still in her dark and twisties and needed to be cajoled into giving Lexie even an inch. Mer and Maggie? Well-established women in their late thirties whose relationship wasn’t built on a need for each other, but in working together for the sisterhood they wanted. I love that it was Maggie that had to get to know Meredith and be persuaded into liking her, actually. And look where they are now! They have such a comfortable, intimate relationship that’s based on love and mutual respect! I love Maggie’s small fangirl moment when Mer pulls that amazing straw-in-the-skull stunt in the airplane and Maggie’s filming the interview (although I hated what came afterwards. C’mon Maggie, fighting over a boy? Really?). It’s also good to see how Meredith helps Maggie navigate her first real trauma (loosing her mother) and how her pain has build her up and actually helps others! It’s an excellent stance of character development that remains true to the character. Their little interaction when Mer’s creating her little dream-induced invention and Maggie looks at the board once and understands it, helping her figure it all out, is so cute and nice! They’re sweet and good for each other, and I’ll protect this relationship forever!

Meredith and Jo

“You’re Jo Wilson, I know exactly who you are!” makes me weak. Because it’s such a powerful, important phrase, but also such... A Mer thing to say. At the end of the day, Mer loves people and takes them under her wing and empathizes with them. She becomes Jo’s support system and doesn’t let go. I love how she’s the one to stand by her side and protect her from Paul, and I love how she’s the one in the more recent episode to manage to get Jo to open up, to get up and get help. They’re almost mirrors, Jo with Mer’s headstrongness and emotional baggage, barging in and taking the world by storm, with Mer being Jo’s Bailey in a way, with a lot of crankiness and a slight superiority complex but lots of wisdom and care, looking at her go with a smirk like “that girl will go far but she’ll need a couple wrist slaps on the way”. Mer was extremely important in Alex’s life, she became extremely important in Jo’s life, and that’s beautiful and sweet. Also, their “shared custody” of Alex is hilarious.

Meredith x Callie

How could we have guessed that two people that initially were at each others throats constantly would be so close one day? They are absurdly different, and yet so close! The way they support each other’s journeys as mothers, wives and surgeons is a great thing to see. And they have such iconic moments, like the panties in the bulletin board, the trial, and the little kiss!

Meredith x Mark

I’m not gonna lie, I shipped those two very briefly but very intensely when they first met! Then they evolved into a rather sweet friendship. I love to think Mer tells Sofia all sorts of stories she heard through Derek in those first years. When she told Callie that Mark used to call her (not Derek, not Addison, not Derek’s mom, not Bailey, her!) whenever he needed advice or had a crisis in the middle of the night, I teared up a little, because that’s such a huge step from who they began as! From loner and relationship-phobic insecure to parents with loving relationships who could count on each other! My favorite dirty mistresses ever!

And there’s so much more! Meredith and Bailey and how they both grew so much, Meredith and Arizona and how their relationship is underrate, Meredith and Jackson’s sibling-esque relationship, Meredith and April... “I used to think you could only have one person, but now I know. Turns out I have a whole damn village!”.