#my teacher watched me type this out instead of doing my photography work

[snoozingrabbits]

I have a feeling Steph is so mischaracterized in this fandom because so many people didn't read the CYSTW posts.

Like the number of people in the fandom who admit to not reading the letters or not watching the tapes, I wouldn't be surprised

[uglypastels]

New Beginnings // roommate!au

(a/n) I’m sorry @duskholland for coming up with these aus. the good thing about it is, that I have no self control so here it is, the New Girl!roommate!au :) i’m not gonna say it’s great, and also i’v seen like 5 episodes of the show maybe so it’s definitely my own take on the pilot. hope you like it.

word count: 6.3k

warning: swearing, sexual references (the first paragraph is as bad as it gets), dark humour and mentions of murder, sex trafficking - basically reasons why not to move in with strangers you meet off of craigslist. Please be safe and responsible. but it’s all just fluff and humour. Also, possibly some horrible writing cause i couldn’t bother editing this <3 

“And when I walked into the bedroom I found him in there, completely naked, with some slut sucking his dick… so basically, that’s why I need a new apartment.” You looked around at the three men in front of you, realising you had zoned out a bit there while telling your story. “Sorry, what was the question?” 

“Uhh,” the blonde one, which introduced himself as Harrison earlier, spoke, “Do you have any pets?” 

“Oh,” well that was embarrassing, “No, I mean I had a schnauzer when I was younger and I always wanted to get another one but who am I kidding, nothing will ever live up to Mr Snuzzlekins.” For the love of God, shut up! “No, I don’t have any pets.” You felt your entire face heating up. Suddenly you became very aware of a strand of hair that was in front of your face so you pushed it behind your ear

“Mr Snuzzlekins?” The other one, Tom, laughed with a small smile. 

“My sister named him,” you lied. You were already embarrassed as it was. 

There was a moment of silence where no one knew what to say next, so you decided to break the tension. Awkwardly laughing, you said:  “You know, the funny thing is, I didn’t expect you to be… guys.” That was true. When you had been searching through the Craigslist advertisements there had been a lot of applications for housing but you had ignored most of them because they sounded too much like human trafficking scams or some other creeps looking for a way to get a girl. You had particularly found interest in this apartment, not only because of the actual great (and safe looking) location of the building but also because you had thought that the ad was written by a woman. Not that you didn’t think a woman could murder you, but it did bring a bit more security to you to live with someone of your own gender. 

Well, as you saw three men sitting in front of you, you had guessed that wrong. They did seem nice enough though. Handsome too. You really hoped they weren’t murderers. They wouldn’t do well in prison… also, your death. Not a favourable outcome in the slightest. 

“Why’d you think that?” the third one asked. You had missed his name during the introduction round, but you already felt like you could be good friends with him. His boyish charms made you think he was younger than the other two, though he did have a very small resemblance to Tom. You found it cute how his curls bounced around when he moved his head. 

“Well, the ad, it was phrased… very femini-ninely...” That was definitely too many syllables. Could this interview go any worse? No, probably not. But the guys didn’t seem to mind your momentary idiocy. 

“Oh, yeah, we had our mum write it for us.” Tom explained, sitting a bit more straight up, “We had been trying to find someone else to live with us ever since our friend Tuwaine moved out, but we kind of suck at advertising ourselves, so yeah-” 

“Oh, well that makes sense, yeah.” Their mum wrote it. So they were a family. Brothers? Yeah probably. You didn’t really see how the Harrison guy fit into that since he didn’t look anything like the other two. Shattering blue eyes instead of the warm hazel. Dark blonde hair instead of the reddish-brown. All three had magnificent bone structure that you had to admit, but not in the same way. 

“So, what do you guys do?” you decided to ask. 

“We’re actors,” Harrison said, pointing at himself and Tom. Since you had no heart palpitating reaction when you first saw them, you could probably safely assume that they were still trying to find their break out role. Harrison pointed at the third of their addition before continuing. “Harry is more of a behind the scenes man, photography and directing, that kind of stuff.” 

“That’s… interesting.” You smiled. Were you about to move in with three wannabes? If you were, would it be inevitable that you’d end up paying the rent for all of them because they wouldn’t be able to find gigs? That was a bit harsh. Besides, you could always look for a new place before that happened and move out. And who even said that you could move in, in the first place? “Anything I might have seen you guys in? Or some of your work?” You directed the additional question to...Harry. 

Harry. Harrison. Try to remember that. 

“I’ve had a few roles on the West End, nothing big yet but once I have a role, it’s at least steady for a bit, you know,” Tom said. 

“I’ve mostly been doing headshots for people, so I doubt you’d have seen anything I’ve done.” Harry said. You nodded to his statement. 

“And Harrison has been signed with this fashion designer. You might have seen some ads around town.” Modelling. Not another model to live with. You tried not to let your smile fade. 

“No, sorry, I don’t think I have. But I’ll be on the lookout.” The grin you put up actually reached your eyes genuinely.

“So what about you?” Harrison was the one to ask, not noticing any change in your demeanour. “What is it that you do?”

“I’m a teacher. I know, not very glamorous or anything- and I might sometimes come home with an abundance of ice-lolly sticks- but it’s good fun and it pays well.” You looked around some more around the apartment. As you focused on the spacious living room of the loft, you wondered how these guys could afford it. Were their rich parents paying for it? Was there secretly asbestos in the walls, making rent not even a problem? Were they going to kill you? 

It was a really nice flat. With exposed brick walls and wooden beams at the ceiling, which the guys used cleverly to hang their houseplants from. Even with the large space and the big windows covering the outer walls of the room, it felt very homey. Comfortable. 

“I’m sure you already know, but it’s a really great place you guys got.” Compliments always worked, so that was your way to go to ensure you had a roof over your head soon. Feeling a bit more comfortable now, you decided to get up to walk a bit around the room. The reason for that specific action was unknown to you, but you did it. 

It had been the first day since your breakup that you had actually made an effort in looking presentable. Hair washed and brushed, you had clothes on that had zero Cheeto dust on it. Of course, since these were guys it probably didn’t even matter to them what you looked like but when you still thought you might be living with other women, you were terrified of being denied because of how you looked or something. That could still happen, but they just didn’t seem like the shallow type. And they had seemed really surprised when you appeared at their front door, as if they didn’t expect a girl to show up either. 

All three of them turned their heads as you walked around, following you with their eyes. It was a mix of curiosity and the same fear that you saw in people on competition shows, when they were waiting for the judges’ critique. 

You looked out the window to see the view. It was a lovely lookout on the city. 

“How come your roommate moved out?” Was it your place to ask? You had no idea. They didn’t seem to mind the question, though. 

“He moved in with his girlfriend instead.” Harry was the one to answer. A heart wrenching feeling fell over you. You didn’t know this Tuwaine, or his girlfriend, but a sudden wave of hatred towards them and their happiness overwhelmed you. Why did everyone have to be all happy and in love? It was disgusting. You were sick of it. 

“Well, I definitely wouldn’t mind living here.” Somehow you managed to speak out without showing any of your feelings through it. You allowed yourself to walk around to the kitchen island. It was recycled wood with a dark varnish on top, making the light from outside shine on it. You could almost see yourself reflecting in it. Were they this clean or had they no idea how to cook? 

“Don’t get me wrong, you seem great, but we don’t really know anything about you yet.” Tom got up and walked up to you. The other two followed his steps. You were now standing on opposite sides of the kitchen island, making you feel as if you were a bartender ready to take their orders. 

“There really isn’t much more to tell. I mean, I did just go through a break up, so emotions are uhm… out there. I might be spending the next few weeks watching horrible Hallmark movies, like 4 or 5… a day.” You saw the disgust on Harry’s face and quickly made an attempt at recovery. “But I can do that on my laptop and headphones, so ya know, I’ll be quiet. I’ll be in my room the entire time too, probably, so you might not even notice I’m here.” You tried to sell yourself as un-pathetically as possible. It had come to desperate measures in desperate times. Because, what your (possible) new roommates didn’t know, was that you had already spent the last four weeks looking for a new place, and while there was no luck in that, you had to do with sleeping on the tiny couch of your best friend. 

As if he could actually read your mind, Harrison’s next question was: “So, where have you been living the last few days then? If you don’t mind me asking.” 

“Not at all,” you said, finding large interest in the pattern of the stained wood. Not looking up at the three men, “I’ve been living with my best friend. She’s great but I just don’t think I'm suited for the life she and her supermodel friends have-” Why did you mention the models? Your eyes shot up to Harrison’s. But it was Harry’s and Tom’s that were wide. 

“Supermodels?” Tom coughed out. You nodded, having leaned in with your elbows on the table, looking rather unimpressed. The way Tom’s hands grabbed for the sleeves of his roommates did not go unnoticed by you. Before you could say anything, he excused himself and the others and they had disappeared into the corridor. Earlier on they had told you that was the way to the bathroom. They were trying to whisper, but weren’t doing a great job at it. You could hear every word perfectly well. 

“What are we thinking, guys?” Tom said, closing the door behind him. When he turned around, Harrison and his brother were rubbing their arms, on the spots where Tom had been a bit too rough on his grip. Harry sat down on the edge of the bathtub, while Harrison decided to remain standing,eventually leaning against the tiled wall. There was a bright light in the small bathroom, but the vintage green tiles made it all look much darker. 

“She seems nice.” Harrison spoke up finally. “But I don’t know, she’s obviously a… she. Won’t that be weird?” 

“What do you think, Tom?” Harry asked his older brother, who, even though had been the one to pull them into the bathroom, had not planned on saying much. “You’re the one with experience in living with a woman. So try to cancel out those supermodels for a sec.”

“I don’t know,” Tom bit the inside of his cheek. Before he had moved in with his brother and best friend, he had been living with his then girlfriend, Stacey. They had been together for a while until she had decided that maybe, this wasn’t meant to be after all. Unlike you, though, the apartment had been in his name so he had a place to stay, but he just couldn’t get himself to live alone in a place that was intended on being lived in by two people. So, he moved out. 

“I mean… every girl is different, so I can’t say shit.” 

“I’m really not that bad!” you shouted from the other side of the door, immediately hiding your mouth behind your hands. Now they knew you were listening to their private conversation. The bathroom door opened and Tom’s head popped out. He saw you sitting on the couch. 

“Could you- could you hear all of that?” he pointed back into the bathroom. You nodded, still covering your mouth, scared you would say something else embarrassing. But the guys seemed to be just as abashed. One by one they walked out and came to sit on their basically appointed seats on the sofa. Did they have their own claimed seats? Would you need to be prepared to only sit in one spot of the room forever? Shit, they had all the seats with the window view… 

“So,” Harry said, “when you said supermodels-” but he never got to finish his sentence because Harrison slapped him across the back of his head. You suppressed a small laugh. It didn’t go unnoticed by Tom, who reciprocated the expression. This, in turn, was missed by you. You only looked in his direction a second later, when the smile had slightly faded already. 

“Thanks for saying that whole ‘every girl is different’ thing. Not saying I can’t cook… even if that is going along with the stereotype, but I wouldn’t exactly want to be accepted to live here as a nanny… not that I think you guys can’t take care of yourselves! I mean just look at-” you eyes wandered around them just for a second before coming back on the right track. “- at the apartment. What I mean is- uhh.” 

“Guys are dicks?” Harrison suggested. 

“Yes! No! No, of course not, well some. But I don’t think you guys are. You seem really nice. I’ve just had… experiences with living with other types of guys and that really was not the planned outcome now that I think about it and I don’t know why I can’t shut up now because I have no idea why I’m telling you all this.” 

“Is this Spencer that we’re talking about here?” Tom asked and your eyes shot to his direction, shocking even him. The name had become somewhat of a trigger for you in the last few days. At the last moment, you realised you had actually mentioned his name yourself to them during your introductory story, so that spared you a good bit of humiliation there. You decided to keep quiet. You all did. Great, because this day had not gone awkward enough. Maybe you could sink into the surface of the ground and die there? Then there would be no more reason to find any living space. It would all be over. Yeah, that really didn’t sound too bad even. 

“So, do you wanna see your room?” Harrison broke the silence and his words surprised everyone, even him. You took longer than it should have to comprehend what he had just suggested. 

“What? Uhh, yes! Yes! Oh my god, that would be fantastic. Thank you.” 

“Great,” Harrison clapped his hands on his thighs before getting up. Then he extended one of those hands to you. He led you to the corridor opposite the bathroom, the third door on the left. The door had some scraped paint residue on it and you could see a poor attempt was made at pulling off the scotch tape that held up posters on it or something? It opened up to a room. It wasn’t big or small. The wall color was a nice beige, a bit of a sandy, almost peachy color. You could definitely work with it. 

The guys let you take it in, but also took that moment to give each other death glares, most of them directed at Harrison. 

“What exactly were you thinking?” Tom asked him, this time properly whispering. For extra measure he extended his neck to look into the hallway to see if you were walking out of the room again. 

“Actually, I was thinking about how you had showed up at my door at 2 am when Stacey dumped you.”

“She didn’t dump me. No one was dumped.” Tom denied like always.

“No, you were definitely dumped, mate.” Harry said, not even making an attempt at hiding the amusement in his voice. 

“Anyway,” Harrison ignored the interaction between brothers, “I thought of you and how miserable you were then. She’s probably going through that same thing.” If not worse, he wanted to add, but he also didn’t want to edge Tom’s ego any further. “So, let’s give her a chance.” 

Tom still didn’t seem to be entirely sure. He raised his eyebrow, thinking. He looked once more at the corridor, expecting you to walk out any moment, but you still were in the room. What were you even doing there? The place was entirely empty. 

“Fine,” he gave in, “but if she turns out to be completely psychotic, you’re kicking her out, Haz.” He immediately noticed the wince in Harry’s face. Had he mistimed his words? 

Yes, he had, because you were standing right behind him now. The sight of you made his heart stop for a good second as he went pale. 

“Fucking Christ,” Tom gasped, “if you live here, you’re getting a bell. None of that sneaking around.” 

“Are we talking service, hand, cow, or the kinky cat collar type?” you smirked, knowing you had gotten him completely flustered at your joke. While Harrison and Harry burst out in laughter, Tom didn’t move a muscle. His cheeks and neck, however, had started to turn a lovely rosy colour. He opened his mouth a bit, just to close it up again as he changed his mind. 

_______________________

While you had told them that you would be spending your days crying into a pint of ice cream while watching movies, reality was much more different from that. It was true that you barely left your room, but that was because you were too busy unpacking all your things out and setting up your room. The guys were nice enough to help you bring up the furniture sets and the boxes, which had been lovingly left at the curb of the building by the people from the moving company.

That ordeal had taken up most of Saturday. Your first task was to set up the bed, which Harrison helped you with. You tried to tell him that you didn’t need help, but your words were futile the second you almost dropped a wooden plank on yourself. The flatpacks were easy enough to understand, and unlike what you had done there, you weren’t the worst when it came to building, so all the furniture was set up by the end of Sunday. It meant that you could spend the rest of the week opening boxes and making your room really yours. 

But Monday also meant work, so you only had the afternoons and nights to do it. Together with the fact that you had to leave early for work, meant that the guys really barely saw you. The only sign of your presence would be the music you were playing from your room while doing the unpacking. 

It was the fourth hour of your One Direction sing-a-long that Tom walked into the living room. Harrison popped his head up from his book to look at his friend. He did not look happy. 

“Dude,” he said. The one word already evoked all that Tom wanted to say, but Harrison loved to annoy him. 

“What?” he opened up his book again, pretending not to really pay any attention to Tom. This was made harder when Tom sat down next to him. 

“If I hear What Makes You Beautiful one more fucking time-” 

“Then what?” Harrison still kept his eyes on the words on the pages, not taking in a single word. 

“You have to do something. I can’t take it.” 

“Why do I have to do something?” Harrison closed his book with his finger still between the pages and looked at Tom, just in time to see him narrow his eyes in annoyance. 

“Really? So do you wanna see your room y/n?!” His voice turned higher as he mocked Harrison’s words, following it up by a gagging sound. “You’re the one that got us here. Now, go solve it.” 

“I really don’t mind it. If you’re so bothered, go talk to her yourself.” And with that, Harrison went back to his book. This time actually reading the words. It was enough for Tom to know that the conversation was over. He didn’t even try to argue. He gave Harrison one more glare and got up. While walking to your room, he noticed that Harry had actually been in the kitchen this whole time, listening in on their conversation. He tried to give his little brother a look, hoping for support, but he didn’t get any of that. Harry disappeared behind the doors of a cupboard and Tom went into the corridor, still rolling his eyes. 

When he reached your door, he couldn’t hear you singing anymore. It was just One Direction coming from the speakers. Now, he enjoyed the lads just as much as the next guy, but after a while he just needed it to stop. And coming in in five hours was definitely a while. 

He knocked on the door. There was a sound that resembled you. A bit of a murmur that formed no particular word. It didn’t sound like a denial though, so slowly, in case you didn't want him to come in, he opened the door. 

You were quick in decorating the room. Only a few days ago it was still empty and a bit cold looking, now the walls were covered with posters and pictures. You had used one entire wall just for your bookcase. There didn’t seem to be an order on the shelves just yet, but you left that for the last thing to do since the rest of the room seemed a bit more important at the moment.

The bed was unmade, with several pillows thrown about over it. Behind it the headboard, which simultaneously served as a shelf. Stuffed animals and a few more books were strewn about. Overhead were fairy lights, matching the ones on the doorframe and on the bookcase. Together with the lamp that was on the desk, it was the only light in the room. Since it was dark, it gave the room a warm and cozy atmosphere. 

But the first thing that Tom noticed when he walked into the room was the smell. Coconut? It wasn’t overwhelming, just strong enough to be pleasantly surprising and noticeable. 

You were standing on a small step ladder, which you usually used to reach the upper shelf of your bookcase (high walls gave the opportunity for more shelves, which you could never say no to). You were in the middle of hanging up a picture on the wall as the song from your speaker continued. 

Can we take the same road, two days in the same clothes- 

You were holding on to the frame with both hands, trying to centre it on the nail in the wall, but every time you pulled away, the frame would slant to the side. 

And I know just what she’ll say if I can make all this pain go- 

Tom saw you get fed up with the picture, throwing it on the bed with a groan. That’s when you looked up at him. The dim and soft light was shining just at the angle that when he looked at you, he could see the tear streaks down your face. You had definitely been crying. You were still sniffling a bit when you stepped down to the floor. 

“Am I too loud? Sorry.” you immediately reached out to your phone, which was connected to the speaker, and pressed down the volume. Then you decided to just turn it off completely. Maybe you’ve had enough of it for now. 

“Uhh, a bit, but it’s fine. We like 1D here, so.” Tom suddenly felt like a real dick when he saw the small, apologetic, smile you gave him. You were holding the speaker in your hands as you sat on the bed, staring at it, a bit lost, and Tom wasn’t sure if he was supposed to leave or not. 

“Are you okay?” he asked. You had clearly forgotten he was still there, because you looked up looking a bit frazzled. 

“No.” You said honestly. What would be the point in pretending? You couldn’t fool anyone even if you tried. Misery was the only thing feeling your once Spencer-filled void. Ugh, the sound of his name, even just in your thoughts, made you want to scream. Unconsciously, and a bit to Tom’s amusement, you had grabbed one of your pillows and started to hit your fist right in the middle of it. Your hits were getting harder and rougher. 

“Ever considered boxing?” He brought you out of your haze. You looked down at the pillow, seeing the sad looking indent on the kitten-patterned pillow. Tom took the pillow away from you and fluffed it out to its normal shape before putting it back.

“It’s just been hard, you know,” you said, more to yourself than to him and Tom understood that. He knew what you meant. He had been in that same position not too long ago and seeing you like this did definitely bring back some of those feelings he had tried to suppress back then. 

“Like, I thought he was the one. And I know it sounds so stupid, I don’t even believe in that whole soulmate crap, but he was it for me. For the first time, I could actually imagine myself enduring nine months of hell to have a kid with him, sorry if I’m being TMI.” 

“You’re good,” he said. He also understood that feeling. Maybe not in the exact, child bearing way, but he could resonate with that whole it thing. He had felt the same way about Stacey. He had never told anyone this, and was never planning on telling anyone, but the day before they broke up, he had been out in the city looking for an engagement ring. It had come unplanned. He wasn’t thinking yet about actually proposing. But he had been in town for an audition and on his way home he saw the jeweller. It was the first time he had ever thought of it, and it seemed right, so he walked in and just looked around. 

“You must think I’m so pathetic though. Crying for weeks about some douchebag.”

“Well, you’ve only lived here for five days, so I wouldn’t know about that.” He smirked. You groaned again and fell with your head on a big fluffy pillow. 

“But no,” he said eventually, “I don’t think you’re pathetic.” 

“Thanks.” 

_______________________

Another week had gone by and your mother had somehow found out about your new living arrangement. So, the last 20 minutes you had been sitting on the couch, listening to her yelling. 

“No mum, I’m fine.” you said, for what felt like the 50th time. Right at that moment, Harry showed up in the living room, making his way from a shower to his bedroom, only a towel around his waist. His usually curly hair was a wet mop, covering most of his face. 

“You don’t even know them!” your mother shrieked. 

“Harry, are you going to murder me?” you asked as he walked by, covering the microphone of your phone. Without missing a beat, or looking down at you, he answered with a snappy “Yup,” and walked into his own room. 

“They’re really nice guys, mum.” You told her. It took you another ten minutes to convince her not to come over tomorrow (or ever, in general). The conversation had taken an abrupt turn when suddenly, she invited you to a video call. Knowing that if you didn’t answer it, you would never hear the end of it, you accepted the call. Your mothers face, or better said, forehead, showed up on screen. You tried to cover your chin as best as you could with the collar of your sweater since you were too tired to hold up your phone at a reasonable angle. 

“Hi mom,” you sighed. 

“Where are they?!” she said, looking around as if she could actually see more than what your camera showed. You were going to lie that they had gone out, but right at that second Harry walked out of his room. Thankfully he was dressed, but his hair was still a bit wet. His shoulder was just visible in the corner of your screen and you tried to move to the side, but your mother had noticed him already.

“Who’s that?” Why did your mother always have to be so loud?

“Uhh, that’s Harry.”

He looked up at the mention of his name. You were scared that it would make him uncomfortable if you talked about him to your mom, it was making you uncomfortable for sure, but instead he jumped up at the opportunity and the next second he was leaning on the couch, almost over you, and smiling at your phone. 

“Hi.” He waved to your mother. His quick movements made his hair move around, giving you a nice first row experience of the fountain show coming from it. You wiped the water off your face. 

“What’s your name again?” Your mother asked. 

“Harry, Ma’am. Harry Holland.” He said with a smile. You both knew that when your mother had asked him his name, she meant his full name. She wouldn’t be able to make any deep research, but it was in case you suddenly went missing, of course. 

“How old are you?” your mother went on with the third degree, glaring at your roommate at each question. Harry answered it all with a big and charming smile. You held the camera, hoping the couch could eat you already. This could not get any more embarrassing, could it? 

Oh, it could. Because half way through, your sister had shown up and sat down next to your mom. She didn’t say anything, but suddenly a text notification popped up on the top of your screen. 

Who’s the hot guy?

Your sister was not imbecile, yet she loved to act like it. Of course, Harry saw the text and erupted in a loud laugh, startling your poor mother. As the timer on the call was reaching 30 minutes you decided to say your goodbyes and end the conversation. Harry was still laughing. 

“So… you’re sister…” he said once calming down. 

“Don’t even think about it. She’s 17.” you glared at him and he immediately shut up, which you appreciated. 

“Well, your mom seems nice,” he eventually said. You knew he didn’t mean it in that way, but in the context of your previous exchange, it didn’t sound great. Now you were the one laughing. 

“That is not what I meant!” he shouted out, grabbing a throw pillow and hitting you on the arm with it lightly.

“Jesus, calm down. I know.” You grabbed the pillow from him. You were both in a fit of giggles by then. It took a moment to catch a breath and by that point, your head was actually hurting.  

“So do you think I’m hot?” Harry asked, raising his brow like the cheeky fuck he is. You just rolled your eyes and hit him with that same pillow. Maybe a bit too hard, because it knocked him off balance and when you looked up, he was no longer leaning on the backrest of the sofa. 

“Oops. Sorry.”

_______________________

Something you had to learn the hard way when it came to living with the guys was that you had to lock your doors. They weren’t doing it on purpose, but they had a tendency to forget to knock when walking into the bathroom, or even your bedroom. Specifically, Harrison. 

Usually, you’d consider him to be the more logical of the three, but that didn’t really mean that much. He was just as much of an idiot as the two Holland brothers at times. 

The bathroom incident had happened during your first week of living with the boys. You were taking a shower. The loud water had cancelled out the sound of the door opening so you didn’t know that while you were washing your hair, Harrison had walked into the bathroom. 

In his defence, he thought it was Tom showering, not you. 

You had not been made aware yet of the honourable fifth member of the household: a life size Nicolas Cage cardboard cut-out. So, when you pushed the shower curtain aside, and were met eye to eye with Nick Cage himself, you screamed bloody murder, almost falling in the bathtub. The door opened to horrified Harrison, realising his mistake. He realised it as soon as he heard the screams, which clearly did not belong to Tom. 

But another scream followed, which was shorter and more specific, followed by a “Fuck!” made him feel like something else had happened. It sounded like you had gotten hurt. So, obviously, he walked in to see if you were alright. 

You were, in fact, alright, and seeing him standing there, eyes wide as he saw your naked body, you screamed again for him to get out. He took a second to grab Nick and pull him out of the room, mumbling a few sorrys, and closed the door behind him. 

Flushed, slightly angry, and with a pounding heart, you dried off and got dressed. Unlike the guys, you were never one to parade half naked around the house on your way from the bathroom to your bedroom. 

You walked out, a pile of old clothes in your hands, to see Harrison. He looked like a puppy that might be about to be smacked with a newspaper on his nose. Usually you were very much against that disciplinary practice, but Harrison was no puppy, and you had been scared shitless. 

“y/n, I’m so sorry.” he apologised as he followed you to your room. You were telling him that it was alright, and actually quite funny, but he really wanted you to know that it was an accident and that he didn’t mean to scare you like that or walk in on you naked or linger his eyes on you for that long. 

“Seriously, Haz, it’s fine. Shit happens… just, don’t walk into the bathroom anymore when I shower. Or ever actually, if I’m in there, don’t.”

“Yeah, of course.” 

And he kept to the promise. You didn’t get any other sudden visits in the bathroom, but it was not the last time that Harrison saw you naked. 

You were all going out to a bar one night, and a bit shamefully, you were taking a bit longer than usual with getting ready. The guys had been waiting for a while already, and you were trying to hurry up, but you just had no idea what to wear. Finally you had found yourself a dress that might make you get a bit lucky that night. You weren’t even planning on hooking up, but the attention was appreciated. In your, still not exactly over your break-up situation, it was actually needed. 

In the meantime, the guys were deciding which one of them had to go and tell you to hurry up. It was getting late and they needed their time to get completely smashed. And while waiting for you, getting knock out drunk was definitely not happening. 

Harrison drew the figurative short straw. He thought you were doing your make-up or something, being aware how much time that can take sometimes. He never imagined opening the door and seeing you standing in the middle of your room, only in a pair of panties. You didn’t see him at first because your dress was over your head as you tried to pull it on. Harrison closed the door before you saw anything. But you could hear the thud of the door closing. 

You pulled the dress over your body, grabbed a pair of matching heels and put them on as you got out of your room. There you saw Harrison. His red cheeks indicated that he was the one who had walked into your room. Tom and Harry were standing at the door. They could see you walk out and their eyes had gone a bit wide. Clearly, the dress was serving its purpose. 

Having already gone through this whole embarrassing scenario already, you decided to spare Harrison. You have him a soft smile. 

“Could you help me zip up?” you asked, turning your back and pushing the hair away from the zipper. 

“Uhh, yeah, yeah, of course.” He was so flustered. It was actually adorable. You could feel his hands on you as he grabbed the two sides of the dress and the zipper and slowly, carefully, pulled it up. 

“Thank you,” you said when he was done. He didn’t respond, his face still as red as a stop light. And it didn’t get any better when you kissed him on the cheek. 

It was definitely interesting to be living with them, but you couldn’t complain about a single thing… except for the laundry, maybe. 

The END

> Thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed

> please leave a comment or ask with your thoughts. i love reading them and let me know if you want to see more of this au cause i really enjoyed writing it :)

>masterlist and link to taglist in bio

tagging:

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[watevermelon]

Expectations | Shirabu Kenjirou x Reader

✧ Summary: Having attended Shiratorizawa Academy from junior high, you were familiar with most of the students in your year. They were average, nothing special — until a certain vbc setter, from god knows whatever small town junior high he crawled out of, changed up your world. -> Tag: maybe language cause it’s shirabu; fluff and jealousy + slight angst

---xXxXxXxXxXxXxXx---

Shirabu Kenjirō was a living, breathing pillar of salt. And it was rightly so. He was the friend, the shoulder to cry on, and the person that everyone viewed as reliable. This was not entirely a bad thing, since he was viewed as much more dependable than others. And this idea was not limited to volleyball. But being placed in that category separated him from the very people who put him there. The girls viewed him as, at most, a friend. He was the king and leader of the friend zone.

It was the end of his second-year and he would soon be taking over as captain of the boys’ volleyball team. He justified lack of love life on the fact that he had bigger things to focus on. And after their crushing defeat, Shirabu reasoned that Shiratorizawa needed a focused captain to lead them to victory.

But the road to triumph was… rather lonely.

Shirabu had his team with him one-hundred percent and silently appreciated them for their confidence and own unfailing determination (he won't admit out loud!) But it seemed like he was surrounded by couples. His kouhai, Goshiki Tsutomu, found comfort in another first-year that was a regular on the women's volleyball team. 

Couples were disgusting.

Of course, majority of the members of the male volleyball were single. Ushijima was a super volleyball idiot and his focus seemed to never stray from the sport. But even with his cinnamon roll personality, the female base of Shiratorizawa seemed to flock to him. He was undoubtedly very handsome and tall. His grades were well above average and his fan club was incredibly prominent. Ushijima had all the makings of a great man and was noticed as such by a large pool of the student body. The difference was that Ushijima was willingly single.

Shirabu, deep in the non-explored depths of his heart, wanted to be noticed like his Senpai. When playing volleyball, Shirabu strived to be the type of setter that went by unnoticed and drew out the strength of his ace. And he knew the consequences of such. But still. He was the main setter on a highly prominent team and his skills are not hard to notice.

Maybe it was his rough personality? Pft. He would never change that for a person, no matter how special.

Shirabu was above average height and had amazing grades in a prestigious powerhouse. What wasn’t there to like? His sense of style was trendy and he was complimented on his clothes more than once. He as not too preppy like Goshiki and not too wild like Tendou. Was it his looks? His bangs were unusual, but they weren't as bad as coconut-head/bowl/Goshiki. Since entering adolescence, he failed to ever break-out and was blessed with marvelous clear skin. On more than one occasion, he would stare at the mirror and truly wonder just why.

Why was no one interested?

Enter you.

You attended Shiratorizawa in both middle and high school. Coming from a wealthy family, there was nothing standing in your way. You were fairly popular and had seen the multiple personalities flit through your advanced classes. And in your first-year came Shirabu, an outsider to Shiratorizawa from a lower-class middle school. After being in the system for three-years, you knew almost everyone and seeing a new face was refreshing.

From the very start, you wanted to bet to know him more. But he was incredibly reclusive and mysterious to the general student body. Nobody could answer your questions. Well. Nobody except a certain Salami and volleyball idiot. You shared an advanced statistics class with the two third-year volleyball players in your first year and from them you were able to peer more and more into the life of Shirabu Kenjirō.

“Why do you want to know, (F/N)-chan?” Tendou instigated, “You have a crush on him?”

“Please, Salami calm down.” He raised his hands and gasped, “Come on. There isn’t a single person in this school who I don’t know and suddenly nobody knows anything about him?”

“He is smart and adaptable.” Ushijima chimed in.

“And a little shit, that’s for sure.” Tendou stated. You rolled your eyes and returned your attention back to the statistics teacher. Sure, you wanted to learn more. But this class was hella hard and you still needed good grades. Eventually, you were able to gradually acquire more information and Kenjirō. You learned that he was the only player from the boys’ volleyball team to not get into Shiratorizawa with a sports scholarship. Instead, he got in on his own accord through the arduous exams and good grades.

The more you discovered, the more you liked him.

Shirabu had a work ethic that you hadn't seen in a while. Being in this particular school-system for so long ruined your perception of it. You perceived most of your classmates to have a truly pretentious or judgmental personality, but showing to be as sweet as honey to your face. Of course they wanted to be your friend, who wouldn't with your last name?

He hadn't.

Shirabu was straight-forward with a tongue laced with salt. Sign you the fuck up!

He had no qualms about talking back to you and you looked forward to your daily banter with an odd smile. It was strange. You could get any nice, sweet boy in the whole school. But what was the point if they didn't mean it? Shirabu was honest - a trait that should never be given up, even if it offended others. You would rather have someone give you genuine advice - even if it was mostly mean - rather than an empty friendship.

You had majority of the same classes together for the second year in a row. And you were the only person who would had the immediate desire to sit next to Shirabu as a partner. You silently viewed him as a friend, but there was always this barrier that you could never get over for your friendship to deepen. His time was always dedicated to volleyball. And you did not play any sports anymore.

You watched the volleyball team's crushing defeat to Karasuno and the heartbreak it caused to so many people, Shirabu included. The women's team was resorted to tears and you could not even look at the men for too long. Reon and Semi were so sweet and you wished you could protect them for all the bad in the world. You had never seen Shirabu cry before.

Shirabu... He seemed to only display emotion around his team. And this made sense since those were the people that he was closest too. The rare occasion you had seen his smile was when you had watched a game. They had an overwhelming victory against Johzenji High and you spotted the small grin on Shirabu after he scored the winning point. Your heart could barely take it. You only wished that he showed that side more to you...

He was friendly, but distant enough for you to want more. Shirabu was not cold to you and his harsh chitchat did not hold any true malice behind his words. But he never opened up to you. You wanted to learn more about him personally and if you wanted to, you would have to pry and almost force him to speak. He would give curt answers and then be done with the conversation. But, on more than one occasion, you would spot him typing away on his phone. It was no secret that the boys’ and girls’ volleyball team were fairly close and had a groupchat shared amongst them. You silently wondered if he was texting a girl from the team.

That thought had you instantly deflated and made you wondering if you ever had a chance with Shirabu. You were not one to be easily defeated, but with every brief conversation and blank expression he gave you, you considered giving up altogether. This happened around Valentine’s Day of your first-year. Shirabu was abnormally delighted and even smiled in the classroom at someone’s joke. You figured that sure, it was the day of love and he probably had something lined up for himself and his significant other – that was why he was so happy. And it hurt your heart. He smiled, but it was never because of you.

From there forward, you tended to avoid him to evade the imminent heartache every time you saw him. This was hard since you literally sat next to each other in most classes, but something entirely doable. You would leave the classroom immediately after class, show up right before it started, and not initiate conversation. It was always you that had previously opened up discussion, so when you had stopped there was little to none at all.

Shirabu caught up to your change and silently questioned it. On multiple occasions, you would catch him observing you from the corner of your eye and you silently hoped he would not question you outloud. Within a week, he was ready to corner you.

You were at your locker right after class, ready to pack-up and head over to photography club. He was silently bounding towards you and when you closed the locker he was standing right-there before your eyes.

“Did I do something to offend you?” He asked the moment your locker closed.

“No…” You stated haphazardly, clutching your backpack.

“You’re never his quiet or shy.” He noted, “Did something else happen?”

“I have to get to photography club…” Shirabu put his arm on the locker and blocked your exit. He was tall and there was no way you could out-run him, you were trapped.

“Don’t lie. We know it starts in twenty-minutes. You might be on the executive board, but you have a lot of time.” He sighed out, locking to the ceiling and then back to you. “Why are you ignoring me?”

“… Am I your friend, Shirabu?”

“Of course.” He did not hesitate to answer. “And it’s Kenjirō.”

“What?”

“Call me by my first name.”

“Oh.” You paused and let the name roll of your tongue, “Then you should call me by my first name too, Kenjirō-kun.” His eyes widened at the added suffix and a rosy dust covered his cheeks.

“Was that it?” He asked, “Come on, (F/N). That’s an immature reason to ignore me.”

“How was I supposed to know?” You questioned, “It never seems like you actually want to talk to me.”

“I’m talking to you now.”

“Outside of this!” You were beyond frustrated, “Ugh I’m fine now go away.” You lightly pushed his arm, but he did not budge.

“As if that would convince me.”

“You are so annoying.” You commented, “You never initiated conversation. I thought I was just bothering you.”

His gaze on you softened and you could not break the eye-contact, “You’re an idiot.” He teased and then ruffled your hair. That was the first time he had ever done physical-contact with you and you almost exploded then and there.

“I’m an idiot?” You repeated before walking away mid-sentence, “I’m hoping you treat your girlfriend better.”

He paused and let us hand drop down to grab your elbow before you go away. “Girlfriend? Where did this come up?”

“I thought…” Shit, you let that thought slip out-loud, “The men and women volleyball teams are close. And I’ve only ever seen you hang-out outside of class with them and those girls. I just assume...”

“You assumed wrong.” He quickly cut-off, “Ugh. What am I going to do with you?” He asked as he grabbed you into a hug. You returned the affection and you knew that a blush must have stained your face! And what was that question?

Shirabu continued, “So was that the real problem? You were jealous of my supposed ‘girlfriend?’” He laughed at his question and you were going to die from his smile. God it was so rare and you wished he graced you with it more!

“No! Don’t get too ahead of yourself!” You yelled back, but it was muffled against his chest. He leaned back to see your face and teased you for your embarrassed expression.

“You’re an idiot.” He laughed again.

Since then, your friendship with Kenjirō was gradually improving. But it seemed that there was this silent barrier that you could not overcome. You could talk about your problems, but not about his. And since then, he had not initiated any physical contact. If you ever brushed hands or simply leaned against him, he should shift away and pretend it never happened! Did you really make any progress?

Finals were coming up and that was giving you one last chance to spend time with Shirabu before the end of the schoolyear. Sure, you could always ask your father and he had the power to put you two in the same class again next year - But! Did you want to waste your last year together pinning after him?

Your study group was comprised of yourself, Shirabu, Kawanishi, and two people from his class. Kawanishi was in Class 5, which was also advanced, but he was so damn lazy! You saw his potential and only wished that he tried harder and quit fucking around.

The three other members of the group were missing that night and the two of you were left alone to grovel over English. Your English was better than Shirabu’s but the opposite could be said about history. You paired each other well and aided the other's faults.

You commented on this once jokingly, saying, "You complete me!" He simply rolled his eyes and brushed it off before continuing to study.

Damn. This boy cannot take a hint.

You attempted to show the boy your advances. But it seemed Shirabu would shut you down at every try, almost like he knew what you were doing and was firmly against it. A part of you considered backing down. He had made his intentions clear for two straight-years, maybe you should not waste another year on someone who obviously does not want your attention?

That thought last for a second before you waved it off. There was no one else you were even remotely interested in. If he said no, that’s fine. But you were probably not going to peruse anyone else.

Both you and Shirabu were spacing out from over-reading the textbook and happened to make eye contact. "What's on your mind?" You asked.

"Things you cannot understand."

"You really think that low of me?"

"No. I'm going to be the captain of the volleyball team in a few weeks."

"Wow."

"There's no way your pampered ass would get it."

"You think about my ass?" You teased, but he pretended to ignore the question. You spent enough time with him to notice the minute narrowing of his eyes and the slight curve in the corner of his left lip.

Damn, this boy had you bad.

"I'm sure you'll do fine, Kenjirō." You comforted, "You're very smart and reliable. I believe that your training won't betray you."

"Reliable..." He murmured. "That's exactly what I'm talking about."

"What do you mean?"

He scoffed at your question, "Exactly. You won't understand."

"Then explain it to me!" You exclaimed.

"Why should I?" He seemed just as inflamed.

"Because I care about you! You big, dumb, idiot!"

Shirabu paused before fully looking at you, surprise evident. "Well, everyone expects this idiot to be reliable and lead the team. But..."

"But...?"

"That's all that people expect from me. To be the smart one. To live to everyone's expectations and shoulder the border of living up to the name ''powerhouse.'" He was getting more agitated and louder with each word.

"Woah, calm down."

"I can't calm down! In a few weeks, I'll lose the ace that I've admired for years and majority of our regular team! How am I supposed to fill in their shoes when we're losing one of the top 3 spikers in the country?"

You had no shame in grabbing his chin and turning his full attention to you. "Listen here you idiot. Don't interrupt me! I said don't! I stopped sports, but I know this is something entirely inevitable. Your senpai's are moving onto the next phase of their lives, but it's not something you can stop or change. You have to accept the future and make the most out of it and I know you will. Shiratorizawa is not the only school with graduation. Your rivals and others will lose their precious third-years and its then will you be able to analyze them and attack. But you need to calm the fuck down."

Shirabu was hanging onto every word. Nodding at some parts and fully taking in what you were trying to convey. At the end of your speech, he pushed your hands away from his face with a slight rosy dust on his cheeks. No woman, outside of his mother, had ever done that to him before.

"You're a real pain, (F/N)." he started, "But thanks. I needed that."

"No problem, I just want you to know that I can be here for you." You extended your hand to cover his own on the desk.

His eyes latched onto your hand before he averted his gaze and attempted to pull his hand away. You kept a tight enough grip to keep it in place, but not enough to hurt. "Must you touch me so much?"

"You are such a tsundere, oh my god." You commented, "Of course, I had to like you."

He stilled and looked directly into your eyes, as if that would confirm your previous statement. "Are you really that surprised?" You asked. "You're really handsome and you have the type of personality that I find most attractive."

"Tsundere?" He joked.

"No. You're honest." You admitted, "You're not like the rest of them, who only see dollar signs when they see me. You've roasted my ass multiple times in class and I wouldn't have it any other way. You say the truth and don't sugar-coat your words for anyone."

"I like you." You simply stated. You watched the words seem to finally reach something in his mind and at this point he seemed to panic. He pulled his hand away and you did not hide your outward hurt. Shirabu made a lame excuse and quickly packed up his stuff to leave.

You never felt more sad and alone.

XXXXX

Shirabu was freaking the fuck out. He wanted someone to notice him and it had to be you??? You were beautiful and nearly perfect in every way. Your beauty went beyond the physical level and you were blessed with intelligence and an even greater family tree.

None of this mattered to him before. You were his friend and classmate and probably the one person in class who did not endlessly irritate him. How could you possibly have feelings for him? He didn't deserve you, not a bit. He had an endless list of faults, including his knowingly sarcastic personality, and you were the friendliest person in school! No way. You could be happier with literally anyone else.

He could not deny all your positive traits, even though he made an effort to ridicule you. You were an overall amazing person and he could not deny his latent crush on you. But he had squashed it since your friendship was mostly comprised of friendly banter. You could never have feelings for him, he previously thought. So he would rather treasure your friendship and watch you from the sideline.

However, Shirabu had to admit that it was a dick move of him just to leave you there after your confession. He was usually the type to speak his mind and your feelings must have blinded his brain. He set-out to clear the air and admit why.

In class the next day, you were nowhere to be found and refused to respond to calls and texts. Seeing you so affected, Shirabu could not help but feel like a huge ass. He owed you big-time, but he had to start somewhere: an apology. Shirabu had to clear the air and make it known that he appreciated your affections, even if he had to deny them. He was not above annoying you and did such continually.

Knocking on your dorm room, he showed up right at your front door.

Shirabu heard movement inside, but not closer to the door. He called your phone again and heard the ringtone go off from within, just for you to mute it. He knocked about eleven more times before you opened the door.

"What do you want?!" You asked as you swung the door open with full force.

"To clear the misunderstanding, (F/N)."

"God, you are so annoying. Did you know that?"

"You are too. Now hear me out, you crazy."

"Excuse me?!"

"Please." You sighed and moved aside for him to enter and he did such. He uncharacteristically took your hand and guided you to sit-down on your bed.

He paused, as if to fully think about his words, before sitting next to you. "You need someone who has time for you."

"What?"

"I'll be the captain soon and I do not want to disappoint anyone. I'll be busy and unable to be the proper boyfriend."

"Is that your only complaint to this relationship?"

"No."

"What else?"

"You deserve someone who can make you happy."

You gave a small laughed and asked, "Who says you don't already make me happy?"

He stared at your for a moment before asking, "What?"

"I don't want someone who you think will make me happier with kind words or bullshit. I want someone honest." You candidly admitted, "And we are friends already. I know you're dedicated to volleyball and I don't want that to change. I already know how you are and that’s why I like you more than anyone else. You alone can make me happy. For someone smart, why is this so hard for you to understand?"

He sputtered, unable to give a cohesive reply and for once you saw be great Shirabu struggle over his usually articulate words.

"Wait." You realized that he had multiple complaints about this relationship before you interrupted him. "Just be straight with me. Do you have feelings for me?"

It was at this moment that Shirabu had the clearest view of you. You were in the closest proximity than ever before, sharing a seat on your bed! He could gaze clearly into your eyes and sense the distress and vulnerability from your previous words. He stretched the silence and you took that as a rejection. He immediately rectified the situation by grabbing your hand and placing a light kiss at the top.

"I never thought you were interested in me." He admitted, "I thought I was deep in the friend zone. So I would have rather kept your friendship than risked ruining it."

"You're an idiot." You smiled grabbing his wrist to pull him closer. He obliged and allowed you to place a light kiss on his cheek.

"Now will you be my boyfriend or will I have to convince you?" You whispered in his ear to tease him and could literally see the shiver go down his back as he stiffened.

When you pulled away, his eyes were half-lidded and you silently wondered if his dominant attitude translated romantically.

You didn't have to wonder long since he returned the favor and went even further, nibbling your ear lightly before placing butterfly kisses around your neck. "Maybe you'll have to convince me."

You laughed before wrapping your arms around his neck, quickly taking command and enveloping his lips against your's. However, you did not have it for long and the setter was quick to flip the positions and hover over you. He gave one his rare smiles and you felt one breaking out across you'rs, stretching from ear to ear. Shirabu, who was in no rush, descended back down to your silky lips - noses bumping and hands fisting into each other's hair. His grip was firm, but not tight enough to hurt. You moaned, unintentionally, and he took that as an invitation to lick the entrance to your cavern. You parted your lips quickly, eager to feel his tongue against yours. The rest of the day went by ignored, the two of you enveloped in each other's affection with not a single care in the world.

[wulfies-kpop-fanfics]

One Photo → Mark Lee [1]

↳  Pairing: Mark Lee/Reader

↳  AU: Soulmate!AU - The first touch of two soulmates permanently scars their bodies.

↳  Word count: 4,863

↳  Chapters: Prelude | You Are Here! | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9

⁙ Summary: For an end of the year photography project, you’re tasked with taking a photograph for your favourite group, NCT127, and coincidentally, discover your soulmate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MONDAY - 1

Your heart was pounding a million miles a minute as you stepped into your photoshoot studio on campus two weeks later, ready to see a bunch of other students preparing for interviews for the same position. Surprisingly, you were the only one present besides your teacher. She smiled and approached. “Hey,” she greeted you with a short handshake. “I see you’re nervous?” “A little,” you admit, returning her friendly grin. “I’m surprised nobody else is here.” She hummed. “Well, there was a lot to choose from. Come on. This one, I believe, is a little special compared to the others.” “How so?” Your voice was laced with curiosity as she led you further in, past the background sheets that separate the room into two halves. Behind it were people you had only dreamed of seeing in person.

The three of them stood as soon as they lay eyes on you. Johnny, Mark, and Jaehyun. You were completely frozen, staring at them and nearly forgetting to breathe. The thought of the members interviewing you themselves had never even entered your brain.

Your teacher placed a hand on your shoulder, startling you. Without a word, she smiled at you, nodded at them and left the room. Once the door shut with a soft click, Mark approached you. “Hi, I’m Mark Lee,” he held out his hand. “You probably knew that, considering your expression.” He laughed sweetly. You barely held out your hand with a shy nod, “I’m (Y/N).” Instead of going through with the handshake, Mark immediately moves in to engulf you in a friendly hug. “It’s nice to meet you,” you mumbled into the hug, barely processing that you were actually hugging Mark Lee and were in the same five-foot radius as three members of NCT. Johnny and Jaehyun also hugged you tightly, insisting that you join them at the table your teacher had set up for them.

“I thought I would be more prepared,” you admitted softly, digging into your backpack and pulling out your portfolio of projects and random photos you’ve taken. Mark takes it first to open and look through. “I’ve been a fan since your debut.” 

Johnny smiled. “Then you’re just the person we’re looking for,” he said. He glances over at your portfolio, then back to you. “The truth is, we aren’t looking for a professional like a lot of others in this program. We bring our own from our company.” Your knit your eyebrows together in confusion. “Then why sign up? If, um, you don’t mind me asking.” 

Jaehyun looked up from browsing your portfolio with Mark. “We were looking to take one photo.” He held up his index finger. “We wanted to have a friend that’s from around here to help us find the perfect spot, and photographers always know the best places.” Your eyes widened. A friend? Did he really just say that? “Just one photo?” You decided to ask, the whole prospect of clarifying what Jaehyun meant by ‘friend’ was a little too overwhelming.

The three of them nodded. “We want just one photo for our dorm. This stop is important to us, and we want this to stay away from social media. It’s just going to be for us. And for you, for your project, of course,” Mark explained. “We don’t want someone that is too professional and we don’t want a fansite to take it. It seemed to us that a friend would be the best choice.” He smiled gently at you. “We’ll provide you with a ticket and backstage pass, as well as paying you based on the program’s price for the photo to be touched up and framed.” 

You tripped over your words. “Well, I… I don’t think I’m in a position to turn you down, but…” Johnny cocked his head to the side. “But..?” 

You gulped and sheepishly avoided eye contact. “I can’t speak Korean,” you mumble, fiddling with your fingers. Mark smiled sweetly at you. “That’s okay. We’ll translate for you. So, what do you think? Would you like to spend a day with us before our show?” 

You smiled, deciding to be a bit more daring. They did say, friend. “You’re asking that like there’s even a shred of a chance I’d say no.” 

All three of them grin. “Thank you, I was hoping you would say yes,” Mark says. “Your portfolio is stunning.”

Your face goes red and you're barely conscious enough to stand with them as they prepare to leave. Johnny and Jaehyun hug you again, praising your work before taking their leave, but Mark doesn't join them.

“Our manager has your teacher's contact information, but I want to involve the company as little as possible… if it's not too sudden, could I please have your number?” Mark smiles sheepishly, offering his unlocked phone to you, open to a new contact page. It's as if he has no idea of the impact he has on his fans. Sometimes you forget that NCT is made up of normal humans, and the one standing in front of you is a year younger than you are. 

“Of course,” you take it gently and add your contact info, taking a quick selfie to add as your little profile picture, all while Mark watches you searchingly. “Here you are,” you hand his phone back, hesitating on saying what you were thinking, “since you want to be friends, feel free to text me.” 

Mark takes his phone back with a smile, sending you a quick smiley face to make sure the number was correct. The room is silent for a moment, your face feels as if it's on fire and Mark returns the stare you gave him when you walked in.

“Come on, Mark!” you hear Johnny’s voice from outside the classroom and you both turn toward it. You smile sheepishly.

“I shouldn't keep you, should I?” you ask, voice soft and a little embarrassed.

“No, but I wish I had more time. I'll text you, I promise,” he says, hugging you once more before leaving you alone and speechless. 

You wondered if all fan interactions were like the one you just experienced. You were aware the members of NCT were known to be humble and kind, but they were much calmer and affectionate than you expected. The idea that you just saw Mark's smile in person made your own cheesy grin spread across your face as you packed up your portfolio. 

After class, you headed back to your dorm, a skip in your step. Once you opened the door and stepped inside, you felt like you could collapse. Fatigue washed over you like a tidal wave, and you knew it was time for an afternoon nap. Rhiannon was still in her lab, so you could grab at least 20 minutes of shut-eye before she would come back and beg for you to make dinner. You set your bag down by the door with your shoes and set a course for your bed. As soon as you were able to slide underneath the covers and nearly drift to sleep, your phone vibrated.

You reach into your pocket, confused. Rhiannon was the only friend that had your number, and if she even thought about her phone in a lab, she would be kicked out. Once you unlock your phone, you finally remembered who else you gave your number to.

Mark: Hey!

You licked your lips as your chest twinged and filled with butterflies. You screamed internally for a few seconds, the moment hitting you a little harder than before. Mark Lee had your cell phone number and he was texting you first. 

You: Hello, what’s up?

Mark replied almost immediately, which startled you a little bit. You turned over in your bed to get a little more comfortable.

Mark: We were just finishing up settling into our hotel rooms. I wanted to know how you're doing, are you in class? I hope I'm not interrupting anything

You: No, I got home a little while ago. I was gonna take a nap tbh

Mark: Oh! Sorry, I don't mean to take away sleep from a college student

You smiled a little bit. He was too sweet. As if your nap wasn't going to ruin your sleep schedule.

You: Its fine, if I had a nap I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight anyway

Mark: So you're free then?

Your eyebrows furrowed as you typed your response.

You: Uh yeah, why? Did you all want that picture now?

You put your phone down, a little overwhelmed. If they wanted it now, you wouldn't see them again until the concert, which wasn't until Friday. Perhaps you should have expected they wanted to do this as fast as possible, their Canadian and Chicago stops were planned with vacations in mind considering Johnny and Mark's heritage. When your phone buzzed again, you almost jumped to grab it.

Mark: Well no not yet. I was just wondering if you wanted to get coffee or something. Or tea if you prefer that 

Your eyes widened.

You: Really?

Mark: Yeah. I dunno, I want to take the friend thing more serious than the guys. They just wanted to use that word so it was like an unspoken contract that you wouldn't post this everywhere y'know? 

Your heart sank a little bit, but you could see how important privacy was. If you were in the same position, you would have done the same.

You: I understand… I'm still kind of a stranger though, are you sure?

Mark: That's why I'm asking. I don't want you to be. So, will you meet me?

You: There's a Tim Hortons on the first floor of M building near where you met me on campus, I can be there in 40 minutes 

Mark: See you in 40 minutes then :)

As soon as you read that text, you tossed your comforter to the side and raced into the bathroom. You fix your hair and could barely decide whether to change your outfit or not. He did see you earlier today, would he think you were trying too hard if you changed? 

“Keep it together, (Y/N),” you told yourself, patting your cheeks with your hands as you eyed your complexion in the mirror. “He just wants tea and coffee, nothing major.” 

Just then, the front door opened. “Are you talking to yourself again?” Rhiannon called from the foyer.

“No,” you called back, clearly lying as you took one more scan of yourself in the mirror before leaving to greet your friend. “You’re back early. How was the lab?”

“Tiring,” she answered. “My bitch lab partner came in even earlier than usual to make sure I didn't have the chance to set up our station again.” She rolled her eyes and dropped her backpack next to yours. 

“Yikes,” you reply, watching her wander into the kitchen. “Are you gonna tell your professor that she is trying to sabotage your grade?” 

Rhiannon sighed. “I don't know if the following shitstorm would be worth it,” she says, plugging in the electric kettle. “I'm gonna make some tea, you want any?”

You shook your head, even though she probably couldn't see you from the wall separating the kitchen and foyer. “No thanks, I'm going out to Tim's in M building.” 

Rhiannon took less than a second to appear in the archway to stare at you. “Why?” She questioned, squinting at you. 

“Mark asked me to meet him for coffee.” 

“Mark,” she repeated, crossing her arms. “I thought you hated Mark Davids.” 

“Not that asshole,” you shot back. “Mark Lee.” You began to look for a pair of cuter shoes as Rhiannon’s eyes widened.

“You got the job?!” She exclaimed, her voice nearly reaching a squeal. "YOU MET MARK LEE? WITHOUT ME?!"

“Yeah,” you smile sheepishly, taken aback by her shouting. you picked out your favourite pair of shoes, red converse high tops. “He just seems like he wants to hang out right now though.”

“Oh my God,” her voice nearly lowered to a whisper. “Mark Lee just asked you out.”

You rolled your eyes. “He didn't ask me out, he just wants to talk,” you explain, pulling on your shoes to tie them. 

“I dunno, he could be it,” she says, waltzing back into the kitchen. “You never know!”

You sigh. “See you later!” 

“Tell him to get Haechan's number!”

After a 15-minute subway ride and a lot of hurried walking, you hauled open the pristine doors of M building, the newest addition to your college campus. Right before you was a little Tim Hortons with a tiny student’s lounge to accompany it. There was a little bit of a line to the micro cafe since night classes were starting up around now, but the student’s lounge was close to empty. 

You took in a deep breath, fully stepping inside and beginning your search for Mark. It doesn’t take long to spot him, he’s sporting yellow hair and a white face mask, accompanied by two red Tim Hortons cups at a table in the corner of the lounge. It takes you a moment to fathom your position - about to meet someone you’ve been crushing on for months through a computer screen for coffee in a lounge at your college. On top of that- he’s already bought you something.

“Hi,” you meekly greet him, approaching the table. Mark looks up from his phone and his eyes immediately crease into the crescents of his beautiful smile.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” He pulls his mask off, “sit down, I, uh, got you some tea. You kind of struck me as that kind of person, so I hope I got it right.” 

“Thank you, Mark. You really didn’t have to buy me anything…” You smile nervously, your face feeling hot and your heart beating a mile a minute. Mark seemed a little nervous, just like you. It was a sobering moment, taking the cup he pushed toward you and opening it to take a sip. Your eyes widened. Your tea was exactly the way you always order it, nearly to the grain of sugar.

Mark watches your expression, happy that you seemed to like your tea, “I wanted to treat you. I know how weird this must all seem for you, but for some reason, I feel like I know you.” He runs his hand through his hair, avoiding eye contact for a moment. 

You look away from him as well. There's a moment of silence between you, the bustle of students slowly diminishing as the sun sets behind you. 

“I, uh, can't really relate to you in that way,” you whisper after you worked up the courage to break the silence. “A lot of your life is on display.” 

“You're right,” Mark agreed. “There are a few things I keep to myself, though,” he smiled cheerfully. “But what I mean is hard to explain.”

Curious, you nod toward him, “try me.”

“When I was standing in line, I was trying to figure out what to get you. I wanted to treat you since I asked you to come, and I kind of expected for you to say no since your professor said you had class today and-”

“Mark, it’s fine, stay focused.” you smile faintly at him and wait for him to continue, sipping your tea again.

He blushes and nods sheepishly. “When it was my turn, I got what I wanted and the second I thought about you, I recited medium steeped orange pekoe tea with two cream and one and a half sugar like I had been getting it for you for years.” He stops for a moment, presumably watching your stunned reaction.

Your breathing was feeling a little crooked, and you couldn't quite place what you were feeling. You tried to take in a deep breath, shaking your head when Mark began to look concerned. 

“Sorry,” you apologize quickly. “I, uh, kind of know what you're talking about. This is all just a little; I don't know…”

“Overwhelming?” Mark finished, nodding his head. “I can't stop thinking about it.” 

You tried to smile. “I guess you gave the bug to me,” you joke. “Want to get some air?”

“I'd like that.” 

The two of you walked down a path that led off-campus, talking. It was as if the two of you had forgotten your positions in life; Mark a celebrity with his life on a pedestal and you just a fan that forgot how much you really knew about him.

You were rediscovering his cheerful nature, his loud and hearty laughter that was a whole-body endeavour, learning that he plays the guitar, his love of ice cream and sweet things. His favourite colour was blue, and he loved Christmas so much he already had a growing list of things to buy for his friends as gifts.

The sun was nearly hidden behind the hills of the park you wandered into, admiring the newly blossomed cherry trees. You were showing him a small bed of flowers decorated to look like a Canadian flag when Mark asked the dreaded personal question you had been hoping you would never have to answer again.

“How did your parents find out?” His tone was soft, curious. He didn't sound as invasive as others have been in the past, but the question still made you bite your lip to keep from frowning.

“A gang fight,” you answer, bitterly. “My dad punched my mom in the face so hard that day, she needed to go to the ER. It actually took three months for her to figure out why the print of my dad's fist hadn't faded from her cheek.”

Mark didn't speak for a moment. “Was that too much to ask?”

You looked up at him from the flower bed, smiling faintly. He looked good in the final evening glow. “I don't mind that much, but...”

“I'm sorry,” he said, tentatively placing a hand on the small of your back. 

“It's okay,” you start, his sympathy nearly made you melt. The two of you begin walking again, Mark absently running his fingers over cherry petals as you both passed the trees. “I got out of it all pretty quickly. They fought when they were high, and that was almost all the time. Sometimes, I feel scared just thinking about how my life might end up. If any of it is all as real as everyone says it is.”

Mark stares at you, and there is sympathy radiating off of him. He looks like he wants to say something, but he stays quiet.

You hold back a frown and decide to break the silence. “Anyway, how about your parents?” 

“A hug,” he answered, nodding, a smile returning to his face. “it's not the most common first touch in the world, but I hope I find mine the same way.” 

“That does sound nice,” you agree softly.

“I've heard it's all up to fate and magic,” Mark says, charm in his voice. “I've always wanted to believe in that.”

“I'd like to believe in that. Makes life seem a little more bearable. I’ve just always been so cynical through my childhood, so much so that all of my hope for a fairytale ending faded a long time ago. I never really thought that anything good would come out of it. If the universe really wants me to find someone, I guess I can’t really do anything about it.”

Mark smiles, although you can tell he is hiding a smidge of disappointment. “I suppose that's one way to think about it,” he replies. “I just want to know someone so well that I don't have to think twice about it. Like knowing the exact way to cheer them up when they're sad. Like the perfect cup of tea or their favourite stuffed animal. I guess that takes a little bit of magic.” 

You stop in your tracks, thinking about the perfect tea he had given you earlier.

“What's wrong?” Mark stops and turns around when he notices you're not keeping pace.

“Nothing,” you lie with a smile, watching Mark's scepticism through the darkness of night. 

“Okay,” he says softly, looking up at the sky. “I guess it's late, huh?” 

You join him in looking up. If the city wasn't always so lit up, this spot would be perfect for a shot of the starry night sky between the small canopy of cherry trees. “I guess it is.”

“How far away is your dorm? I can walk you,” he suggests, taking your hand. You're frozen, too stunned by the gesture to pull away.

“You don't have to,”

“But I want to,” Mark grins. “It's the one way I can make sure you get back safely.”

“You're too kind…” you pause for a moment. Mark is staring you down, waiting for you to say yes. “I'm not allowed to say no, am I?”

He shook his head, smiling. “Nope. Come on, let's go.” 

Scoffing lightly, you concede and begin walking again. “You can take me to my subway stop and I can tell you which train to take to go back,” you offer, assuming he would need to be back at his hotel before it got too late at night. 

“No,” he said quickly. Your eyes widened at his tone and once he noticed your reaction, he lowered his voice. “I just… have these gut feelings. I'd like to escort you right to your dorm,” he clears his throat, “um, if I'm not crossing any lines.” 

You feel sympathy for him. Just looking at Mark, you can tell he's worried about you, but you can't quite see the reason. “Okay,” you agree softly. 

It's silent for a while as you both walk through the well-lit city. It's not until you pass a food truck on the way to the subway station that either of you says something again.

“You know, you and I walked around that park for hours and we didn't even know how late it was until the last minute,” Mark comments, still holding your hand and pulling back gently to keep you from walking past him. 

“Yeah, you're right,” you blush, you had to admit to yourself that you hadn't lost yourself in conversation or such comfortable silence like that even on a date. "We forgot to eat. Are you hungry?”

“Yeah,” Mark admits with a laugh, “and these hot dogs smell good.” 

You look up at him. “I'll buy.” You wriggle your hand out of his grasp and run toward the cart before Mark can catch you, readying your wallet. 

“Two hot dogs please, one with relish and one plain, please. Also, burn the plain one a little bit, thanks.” 

“You're slippery,” Mark says, watching you pay for the food.

“You bought me tea, it's only fair,” you stick your tongue out at him. He sighs and nods at you, only breaking his gaze when the man at the cart hands down the hot dogs a few moments later. “The one with relish is yours. You hate ketchup, right?” 

Mark takes his hot dog, eyes wide. “Uh, yeah,” he pauses. “I just haven't really told anyone outside the guys and my family.” 

You're halfway through a bite of your ‘dog and you nearly choke on it. 

“Hey, hey!” Mark reaches out for your shoulder, hoping that you wouldn't pass out. “Chew and swallow! Sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out.” 

You swallow and cough, shaking your head. “Don't worry, I'm fine,” you say. “This is just a weird feeling.” 

He nods. “Yeah. But I don't really mind it. Come on, let's walk some more.” 

It was totally surreal to you, walking and eating with Mark. He was right, there was this strange feeling washing over you every time you looked at him, different than watching him on a Vlive broadcast or music video. Like you knew something about him that nobody else did, and it made you feel both good and scared out of your mind. It felt invasive.

One subway stop and a little bit of a walk later, you both arrive at your dorm building. “Here we are,” you announce. “My roommate is probably going to kill me for coming back so late.”

“Should I go in with you? To protect you?” Mark is smiling, but you can tell there is a hint of seriousness. 

“If you want. She will probably ask for something from you, though.” You open the main doors and enter in your code, leading Mark in with you.

“Like what?” Mark furrows his eyebrows. “She's not weird, right?”

You nearly laugh out loud. “She's weird all right, just not the kind you're thinking of. She wanted me to get Haechan's number from you, but I got so absorbed in talking with you that I forgot to ask.” 

“Oh,” Mark is following you close behind, letting out a tiny sigh of relief. “That doesn't sound too bad, but his reaction should be interesting.” 

You shrugged. “You don't have to do it. Anyway-” You're cut off as the door to your apartment opens, Rhiannon stepping out and pressing her hands to her hips. 

“Look who's finally back,” she states, and you can immediately tell she is angry. “It's almost 1 AM!” 

“Shh! I'm sorry, okay? I lost track of time! I was with-” 

“Mark,” she says, her voice less harsh when she notices Mark is standing behind you, sheepishly smiling and waving at her. “At least you had the initiative to walk her home.” 

You squint at your best friend. It's clear she is trying not to freak out in front of him. “Are you gonna let me inside?” 

“Not yet,” she states. “Mark, I love you,” she says quickly, grabbing your arm and pulling you to her. You're smiling awkwardly at him, shrugging and mouthing ‘sorry’. 

Mark smiles awkwardly and nods at you. “Uh, thanks,”

“Thank you for bringing (Y/N) back. Has she asked you about Haechan?” 

“Yeah. I'll text you guys his number when I get back- which I probably should…”

You step forward. “Do you know how to get back?”

Mark shakes his head. “I think it's on Yorkville, I might have to use my GPS.” 

You shake your head. “It's easy to get there. Head to the station you and I were just on, take the southbound for 5 stops. Once you get above ground, you should be on that street.” 

Mark smiled at you. “Thank you.” He approached you to give you a hug, which felt warmer than the other two from earlier in the day. When he turned to leave, a pang hit your chest.

“Mark,” you called. Instantly he turned around, his expression curious. “Let me know when you get back safely.” 

He nodded, smiling warmly. “I will, I promise.” 

You watch him leave, a little shocked that spending the entire night with him didn't feel like it at all. You're only broken out of your thoughts when Rhiannon drags you inside your apartment and shuts the door.

“You scared me half to death, you bitch! At least text me when you're gonna stay out this late! I thought you were just having tea! I was this close to calling the cops!” She presses her index finger to her thumb and shoves her hand towards your face as you stand before her, a little humiliated.

“Your fingers are touching,” you say quietly, screwing your eyes shut.

“Exactly!” she exclaims. “I was one button away from speaking to 911! You're goddamn lucky I heard you and Mark coming down the hall!” You open your eyes when she gently touches your arm. “Don't scare me like that.”

“I'm sorry. I promise I'll keep in touch next time.” You smile awkwardly at her. “I was just so caught up in talking and trying to make sure it wasn't a dream.” 

Rhiannon nodded and returned your smile. “I know. You should go to bed, you have class in the morning.” 

“Yeah. Thanks for worrying about me.” 

Once you were in fresh pyjamas, you had some music on in the bathroom while you dry your hair with a towel. A quick shower before bed always was relaxing enough for you to fall asleep quickly. Snuggling up in bed after that long day was especially nice, gathering up your teddy bear to hug close. You're just about to drift off when your phone buzzes. 

Mark: Hey, I'm back safe. Thank you for the directions 

You: You're welcome

I had a really nice time tonight 

Mark: Me too

You have class tomorrow right 

You: Yeah, it's a short day though, just a small photoshop lab 

Mark: Do you want to hang out again when you're done? By the way, the number I promised - __________

You: I'd like that. Thanks, I'll forward it to her 

Haechan was cool with it right 

Mark: Me too :) yeah he was cool with it, he owed me a favour anyway 

Sleep well ok?

You: I will, you too? 

Mark: Yeah I promise 

Goodnight (Y/N)

You: Goodnight :)

After putting your phone down on your nightstand, you peacefully drifted off with a smile on your face.

[pnk-wasteland]

Screenshot: Adrienette that’s borderline crack in the best way (Teen&up)

It was a nightmare. He hadn’t meant to leave his phone unattended, Alya had asked him a question and when he put his phone down to give her his full attention, Nino had picked it up to check the time and instead was greeted with a private Instagram account Adrien had created with the specific purpose to lurk in peace.

“No way, dude. Do you just stalk a bunch of Ladybug look alikes in your spare time?”

Adrien gaped, too horrified to process his world falling apart around him.

“Wow, look at this one, she looks almost exactly like ladybug!”

“Let me see!” Alya sounded too eager.

He’d never admit it, but there were more than just a few girls on his private Instagram that looked “exactly like” ladybug. And no, it wasn’t just a uncanny accident.

But the account his friend happened to stumble on was his favorite, a well off Russian Instagram model who’s handle was Steelix.

She could pass for a perfect Ladybug, if not for her brown eyes. She was perfect in almost every way, and posted great *ahem* material. Ladybug was the fantasy girl of his dreams and anybody that looked liked her was at risk of being followed and stalked by his private finsta page.

His private page he was privately ashamed of.

That his best friend was now holding up to show his own girlfriend, and the girl Adrien quietly, sort-of had a crush on. This really was his worst nightmare. He tried to snatch the phone from Nino but to no avail. “It’s just some girl. I like her photography.”

“Yeah sure that’s why you liked all her recent pictures and wrote in the comments ‘omg’ with a heart face, a drooling face, and two fire emojis.”

Adrien was red in the face, his mouth gone completely dry not knowing what to say.

“Wow Adrien, these are the kind of girls you like?” Alya asked.

Adrien glanced toward Marinette, and the look on her face was perfectly surprised. Ironically, her face was one of the ones he lives to see grace the screen of his dirty private Insta. Marinette had great Ladybug features right down to the freckles on her nose. The only bad thing was Marinette rarely posted any selfies at all, and although her account was an interesting documentary of her handmade fashions, it did not serve the dirty purpose his fake account had followed her for.

“So what?” He finally grabbed the phone from Nino and was getting back some of his composure, although his face was still deeply flushed.

“Oh no reason.” Alya’s smile was wicked, and it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

——__ __——__ __

Marinette ponders what she just witnessed while Alya blabs in her ear. She wasn’t holding the phone, but it sure looked like he was following a lot of slim girls with shoulder length black hair. If she didn’t know any better she would think he would have a type... And he certainly did nothing to dissuade that idea. He turned beet red and made some dumb excuse about photography. And that girl.. the one whose photo he had commented on, Marinette knew her. Well, she had previously followed her. Steelix has such a similar face structure to her own that she had been a phenomenal teacher of makeup to Marinette. She knew all the right things to use and what products would work on her just by watching what Steelix recommended. She had loved following her for her beauty content, but when her account started becoming more of a travel diary with pictures of her on island beaches in bikinis with inspirational quotes covering the captions, Marinette had to find other places to search for helpful information.

All of these thoughts were making her wonder about Adrien, and the things she had neglected to notice about him.

“If Adrien likes shorter, dark haired girls than why doesn’t he comment on my selfies like that?”

“Umm interrupt me, much?”

Oops, she didn’t mean to say that outloud.

“But maybe because you never post any, especially not to insta.”

Marinette thought about this. It was true she used her IG story to post updates on her Latest creations, and her grid was very much like a well thought out catalog. She was very proud of that page, but it was definitely not the place where she’d be posting cute sundress selfies.

“I use my Snapchat for personal stuff like that.”

“Exactly. And I bet you haven’t even given Adrian your snap.”

Marinette frowned, stealing a glance at the boys table. “No, I guess I haven’t.”

“Well what are you doing sitting here talking to me for? Go get his snap and start using it for evil!”

---_ _ _---_ _ _---

“Hey Adrian! Wait up!”

Adrian was more nervous than he should have been when his friend approached, but he kept the feeling off his face. “Hey Marinette! What’s up?”

She stopped right in front of him, “I was just thinking about earlier, how you have a private instagram account.”

Adrians stomach dropped. Had she figured him out? Did she know he was using her and girls that looked like her to quiet his drowning ache for Ladybug? He was so ashamed of himself. He was weak, so desperately weak.

“And it just got me thinking that I’ve known you so long and we don’t even have each others snaps.”

“I’m so- wait, what?”

“Snapchat. We don’t even have eachother added. So, want to be friends?” Marinette held out her phone, snap code ready for him to scan, her happy little pigtailed Bitmoji smiling up at him.

Something warm ticked his belly. “Yeah, definitely.” He pulled out his phone and added her to his seldom used snap account.

——__ __——__ __

He has to add her on his old account, the one with the list of contacts from kids that once gave him their number. There really isn’t that many.

Adrien finds out quickly that Marinette posts her selfies on snap, and keeps her instagram clean and more professional. Very smart for a girl who is looking to go to college next fall. He clicks on her daily story; a picture of her in her bedroom mirror, a picture of fresh croissants and danish, a picture of Alya, Rose and some other girls at her lunch table, and then finally a selfie. A picture taken from straight above, she was lying down in her bed, light pink and white pajamas that looked like they may have a ribbed texture to them. He could see the edge of the selfie stick she was using to get such a wide angle, the idea that she had planned this sleepy in bed photo turned him on more than he could have ever dreamed. He could see the tops of her exposed thighs where her matching pj shorts abruptly ended. Her lean, exposed belly led up to the cropped short sleeve tshirt, that was so on-trend and so Marinette that he had no doubt she’d made it for herself.

Best of all, her blue eyes stared right back at him through the camera and her lips were puckered just right.

It was as he was getting himself all worked up thinking about the blue of her gaze, easing his own back down her body when he realized something else; she wasn’t wearing a bra. And the way she had arched her back to show off the muscles of her stomach only made it more obvious; and Adrian couldn’t believe he didn’t notice them before. Tiny peaks hidden behind soft pink fabric. He was going to lose his mind.

His heart was beating faster and he swallowed back guilt as he unzipped his pants. Her body was amazing, and he was insanely greatful she left this on infinite. He worked himself till climax thinking about what her nipples must look like beneath that thin pajama top, and what it might feel like to taste them. He kept working himself, more gently, thinking about that face, those lips and those eyes and how bad he wanted her to swallow him. Who? Marinette or Ladybug? Honestly in that moment he didn’t feel like he was using her pictures as a ladybug substitute. He cleaned off his phone and thought seriously if he should use his tablet to take a picture of the screen just so Marinette wouldn’t know he screenshoted her. Another, dirtier part of him wants her to know. Wants to comment on her pictures like he’s some random thirsty nobody. Tell her how she makes him sweat, how he can’t get enough. He wants to use his private page to stalk her, too.

Damn sometimes the lines get too confusing.

He sits there, weighing his options. This picture was too good for him to let go. But he didn’t want to look like he was chasing after Marinette’s thirst traps when he knew he was still just a dirty pervert for Ladybug. Adrien felt like screen recording would be even more creepy than a screenshot, and almost made him feel like he was coping out, being a chump. But if he did screenshot her what would Marinette say? Would she ignore it? Would he be sad if she did?

Adrien shook off his intrusive thoughts and screenshotted his new favorite photo. And for good measure; and maybe so he could feel like he was making a move instead of just drooling over his classmate; he sent “wow” with an emoji it took him way too long to choose. Stuck between the drooling or hot emoji he finally got fed up with himself tapped his screen and sent it off without letting himself immediately get anxious. He made a decision, over analyzing himself won’t help anything. Now he just had to wait for Marinette to respond.

And then he could freak out again.

——————————-

A/N: a work in progress, can someone help me come up with their snap handles? I don’t like the ones I have right now. Adriens is supposed to read as (BeAgreste= be•our•guest). I dunno! I’m not good with puns it’s the best I could do! Please help me!

[sunseteyes]

by your side

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ STARRING: hajime iwaizumi; gn!reader

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ THEMES: mutual pining? kinda sad

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ WORD COUNT: 4.6k words

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ SYNOPSIS: this is the story of you and hajime, and how your friendship crumbled when he found out something that was meant to be a secret moments after it was said. 

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ INTERMISSION: this is a part of @samusangel​ ‘s songfics! the song for this fic is ex by kiana ledé. do listen to that song because it’s bop! also, i have finally interpreted my real life story of my 7-year unrequited crush:) yes, most of this fic is based on what happened to me, not all though. i’m kinda hoping to do the ending too lmao. please don’t get too attached to hajime:) enjoy! oh btw i had to add arms on iwa’s pic so if you noticed it, i’ll give yo 10m points (also for the reference for that line haha)

when you first met hajime iwaizumi, it felt as if you had someone who will always have your back, someone you’d always trust, someone who’d continually care about you, through and through. 

that’s how being friends are, right? 

yet why is it that his name alone could hurt you better than anyone’s? why can you still remember the stolen glances and lingering touches that were barely there? 

why is it that even after eight years, you’re still regretting why you said hello that day? 

why? 

from oikawa: hey! from oikawa: i heard that you’re in the photography club from oikawa: please please speak to my friend iwa-chan he can be kinda shy  to oikawa: uhm who is this? do i know you? from oikawa: oh my y/n from oikawa: did you really not have the one and only oikawa tooru’s number?! me?? to oikawa: ...oikawa how did you get my number? to oikawa: and who’s iwa-chan??

“hey iwaizumi-san! come sit here!” you exclaimed, a huge grin on your face as both you patted the seat beside you, eyes looked over at the boy that had just entered the room, a sense of relief passing by his expression the moment he found your gaze. 

“we’re in the same class, right? and i think makki mentioned you before. what’s your name again?” he says the moment he sat on the same chair you urged him to sit on.

“(y/n),” you held out your hand. “-it’s nice to meet you.” 

hajime takes it willingly, a friendly look on his face when he does so all the while responding with, “it’s nice to meet you too. and since i can call you with your first name, then you can call me hajime, if you’d like.” 

“well, hajime it is then.” 

the smiles that you shared were harmless, not even an ounce of hesitating thought crossed your mind when you had your very first conversation with him, as well as the next ones. 

“hey hajime, what’s your number?” 

“hm? have i not given it to you yet? here, let me type it for you.” 

from iwaizumi: hey :) to iwaizumi: yeah yeah i received it hajime from iwaizumi: oh come on from iwaizumi: is saying a hello that hard?? to iwaizumi: hello to iwaizumi: you happy? from iwaizumi: yeah :)

“(y/n), want to join us for lunch? we have a free seat right here.” 

“hajime! i saw a good movie! let’s watch it later? snacks are on me as long as it’s your turn next time.” 

smiles, giggles, laughs, whispers or notes whenever the class is ongoing, always beside each other during club meetings, you and hajime even share each other’s secrets and random text conversations during midnights. in just a short time, you were able to trust him, and he did the same for you. for you, that is indeed an unusual feat--you never trusted people that easily to be honest. 

“have you heard of the name wakatoshi ushijima? i once liked him, y’know.” you say in a low volume, making sure none else hears not just because your words were meant to be a secret that was  never to be talked out loud, but it’s since you and hajime are currently in a club meeting, and you would hate your name to be added in the noisy list. 

“you meant that big guy in section five? are you serious?” hajme scoffs, as if you just said a very insulting thing to him. “you could do better, you know that.”

you scoff, chuckling. “are you blind? he’s as handsome as you could be.” 

“is that your way of saying i am handsome?” he smirks, “i knew i’m your type all along.” 

you playfully smacked him on the leg, making him recoil a bit from your form. 

“you wish,” you muttered, brushing off his claims, not really expecting much by that time. 

still, fate decides to surprise you with a gift you can never take back. 

“hey, what do you think of iwaizumi? you two are quite close, aren’t you?” 

“well,” you say, humming as you try to think of a reply whilst writing down the remaining notes that you should write before the teacher decides to erase the contents of the blackboard. the subject itself made it difficult because it was math--and you always fail on math thus this matter is more important than the topic that your friend was chatting about. 

so you gave a mindless answer. “he’s a dork, but he can be cute sometimes.” you say, a memory of when you had to endure an entire hour of hajime talking about dinosaurs flashing in your mind a ghost of a smile crossing your lips as you continued writing on your math notebook. 

then a tragedy came in almost an instant, not even a single warning to try and prevent that from happening. 

and it changed your whole life. 

it was childish, you could say, and it was the start of a neverending downfall for not only you, but for your friendship with hajime. 

“he’s cute?! hey, hajime, (y/n) thinks you’re cute!” 

when the roars of your classmates reached your ears, you were already sitting upright, eyes wide open, forehead knitted, and mouth slightly ajar. 

what?

the moment your gaze met his, you knew that he believed it; the childish statement that was meant to be platonically true. 

you were misunderstood.

bye everyone, including hajime. 

and by the next day, when the club where you and he first met came, he didn’t want to sit next to you. what’s more, is that he purposely asked his other seatmate to change seats with him. 

he ignored you, the whole time. 

to iwaizumi: hey  to iwaizumi: you don't believe that right from iwaizumi: what? to iwaizumi: what happened earlier to iwaizumi: it’s not true yknow that from iwaizumi: uh from iwaizumi: yeah sure

“you like him, don’t you?’ 

you glared at hanamaki, one that could even send daggers his way if it could. “no, i don’t”

“then why are you so worried? i mean, he still responds to your chats, right?” he mutters, munching on his sandwich all the while watching a volleyball match of your seniors, eyes trained at the ball. 

you frowned, biting your lower lip in contemplation as you recalled when you talked to hajime last night about school work, which was a thing for the two of you before too. 

“yeah,” you say, glancing at the other side of the gym, where hajime sat next to toru, his childhood best friend who was from another class. by then, a rush of sadness and loneliness flushes away your appetite, the sandwich on your hand almost forgotten. “-but he’s completely ignoring me in real life.”

it didn’t bother you much by that time. 

“you’re staring, y/n.”

“yeah, like they do always.” 

you could only roll your eyes at hanamaki and matsukawa, who were your best friends at that time due to the fact that you three had been at the same class during elementary and had continued being close since then. when you became friends with hajime, you merely did so just to have someone to talk within that one club that you shared with him and not with the rest of your classmates. aside from that, you felt comfortable talking to the guy. he really did look friendly and welcoming that it was quite easy to hit him up with a conversation. 

but it didn’t mean that you like hajime. 

right?

you scoff, muttering for the two to shut up before proceeding to enter your classroom, the two leaving you alone since they were not a part of your class. now, you could only bow your head down as you make your way to your seat, trying not to make much of a peep in hopes that no one will have to talk to you and most likely bring up the topic of you “crushing” on hajime when it’s not true at all. 

but guess what? it’s not going to happen when the fact that your seatmate is toru oikawa himself. 

“hey (y/n)! have you had a great lunch?”

the smile that creeped to your face was forced, honestly speaking. although if oikawa had noticed it, he didn’t ask for it further. “yes i did, how about you?”

“well, it was nice, but don’t you think it will be nicer if you join me and iwa-chan instead?” 

the thing with oikawa is that he’s not just chatty with you, but he also tends to tease you with hajime, before that unfortunate day even came. the story behind that is that oikawa merely saw you talking with hajime one time after the club that you two shared and then he confided to you the next day, saying “you and iwa-chan look cute together, (y/n), i swear one day one of you will fall in love with the other,  i’m sure of it.” 

okay, you confirm to yourself that you didn’t like hajime that way is not because you wanted to prove oikawa wrong, but it does seem like toru oikawa was challenging you ever since he said those words to you. 

and of course, you’ll win it, no matter if it was a real challenge or not. 

“how about you, do you have any ideas?” 

eyes followed as soon as the conversation turned to you, including hajime’s--to which you have met as soon as your mind returned to the reality that you temporarily exchanged for the train of thoughts that continued to operate inside of your mind. 

“huh?”

“if you’ve got any ideas for the project,” says oikawa, being the automatic leader of the group due to his ability to instantly get along with everyone and having the real capability of leading them. apparently, the teacher decided to group you with the two, along with two other classmates that you never really bothered to get along well with. “if none, we can just go with what we gathered so far.” 

you broke your contact with hajime after he did, turning your gaze to oikawa with a shake of your head. “no, i don’t have any.” 

the worst part of the situation between you and hajime was that everything seems like a lie. the friendship--it seemed like a lie that you never bothered to correct or initiate to stop. why? 

yeah, you kept wondering why. 

maybe it’s because you always treasure your friends, or that you wanted to prove that what they are claiming is a fake, a lie--that you didn’t have a crush on hajime, and you will never ever will. 

but what if you really did? 

what if all these denials are making you believe that it is true as well? you had been thinking about that for quite some time now and the thought of it alone scares you. sure, you’ve had crushes or you’ve had people whom you liked or had feelings before, but not one that was your friend. it makes you wonder if these so-called “feelings” could have been due to wanting to always be with him and talk to him, but not in a romantic way. in fact, those are what you were feeling towards hajime. 

there’s really nothing you should overthink about. 

you like hajime as a friend, but not as someone you could see being with doing all the romantic stuff that other people do with their significant others. 

for all you know, that thought was sooner diminished. 

“did you cut your hair?” 

“hm? yeah i did-” looking up, a sight that you never bothered to ever think about before was suddenly in front of you--hajime, with all the beauty of his wide shoulders and the muscles of his arm peaking through under his sleeve, extending down to his exposed skin to hi beautiful, veiny hand. 

the only reason you were able to be brought back to school and to where you are exactly was when you felt a fleeting touch by your forehead, brushing away a couple of strands of hair that  was on your forehead, the action waking you up in almost an instant to find hajime iwaizumi stepping back to give you back your personal space, an embarrassed look on his face that he sooner had to look away sideways to “hide” it from you. 

and then he walked away. just like that. 

you didn’t know how many seconds or even minutes you were sat frozen on that bench, the sight of the people practicing dancing in front of you to prepare for the upcoming intramurals that has a cheerleading competition in its event. your mind was floating; maybe up in the sky, plunging through the clouds, thinking about only one thing--or person. 

why he did that, you had no idea. you could only think about all the questions that suddenly popped in your head, the scene continuing on playing like a broken television, replaying and replaying and replaying. 

from iwaizumi: hey that hairstyle looks good on you from iwaizumi: you should keep it to iwaizumi: i ain’t keeping a hairstyle just coz you like it :p to iwaizumi: but… does it really suit me? from iwaizumi: yes :)

“do you like iwa-chan, y/n?”

you were sure you didn’t before but now is a different matter. not after that very small moment that you’ve had in real life after hajime ignored you continually on the outside. 

leaving oikawa’s question unanswered was not a good idea, and he kept pestering you, asking you the very same thing, even as you were with others, merely whispering the words by your ear whenever he has a chance. you knew it was merely oikawa’s way of trying to set his two friends up--that’s if you treat him as a friend anyway.

you ignored oikawa, only until he whispered a different statement one day. 

“i heard one of our classmates likes him.”

now that had caught your attention, unconsciously making you lock eyes with oikawa, who visibly looked pleased with the reaction that he was able to pull out from you. 

“who?”

“the same one who asked you if you like iwa-chan.” 

maybe it was out of curiosity or maybe something else, but either way, that specific reason made you glance towards where oikawa was pointing at, the very same person he was referring to in his words was sitting next to hajime, such an unfamiliar sight for basically anyone since hajime was indeed seated far away from them before, and for you to see them beside each other, it was, what was that word?--unsettling. 

“they obviously like him, don’t you think?” oikawa mutters next to you, his lips pursed together, his eyes narrowed at the same way you were looking as well, the very subjects of your gazes minding their own business, as if they were the only ones left in the world. 

you looked away before you could think about them further, however the scene is still in your mind, evading it and also blocking the previous memory that was stuck in your mind for days--when hajime finally made a “conversation,” with you. well, he didn’t really talk much that time but it was still better than nothing.

 and now, just when he was not ignoring you, this person shows up and flirts with him-

wait, stop thinking about it y/n!

you blamed it on oikawa, like you had always done, ignoring the fact that those blames should be pointed to you instead--you who had an indecisive mind and the one that thought of all of this as a challenge of a game--a game where you should beat all the teasings by ignoring all of them. rather than doing that, you overthought all of them--it was all your fault. 

it was your fault that you’re now having feelings for hajime. 

unbeknownst to you, they slowly built up inside of your heart, his grasps creeping and creeping the more you longed for him in real life and not just behind the gadget that you two had; behind the chats that were merely there, inside an application where you can never know what his real reactions were due to the fact that you couldn’t see him as you two converse. 

it was you. 

it was you whose heart started fluttering as time went by. 

“come on, hug them! it’s a punishment.” everyone cheers, and yet beyond the noise is the panic that rushes through your entire system, your eyes glazed over at hajime, who was looking embarrassed the more seconds passed by. 

you stood there, fidgeting and unable to stop yourself from moving your feet, walking towards mattsun to makki to oikawa, begging them to stop this with merely your eyes, your lips refusing itself to open and say something that you’ll regret. after fully accepting the fact that you were slowly having these pesky feelings towards hajime, you still kept denying it to others. you were still afraid of what hajime would think. yes, sure, he was still talking to you through chats and text messages, even calling you a few times, and you knew that he wouldn’t be that pleased to have others teasing the two of you like this. he gets particularly annoyed whenever he’s “embarrassed” for stupid stuff like this. he deems it “pointless” in his own words. 

it hurts, and that’s why you were also willing to indulge with oikawa and the others during moments like these, the hidden desires of your heart coming true to life even for just this single moment. 

when you finally felt hajime’s arms around you, you felt as if you were protected, nurtured, and secured--and it felt very different. whenever you hug someone, you’ll feel comfortable, yes, but never this kind. in hajime’s arms, you felt a shield that physically safeguarded you from your surroundings, even from the noises that were supposed to erupt by your ears. instead, you heard of nothing but your heartbeat, pounding like a madman inside of your chest, continually for only one person. 

by then have you realized how much you have craved for him. 

you have hugged hajime a couple of times before, but it  was the very first time that you have felt that kind of sensation pass through every cell in your body, releasing a rush of contentment only a millisecond after you’ve felt it. the embrace didn’t last for long, but for you, it was enough. for now. 

that night, he didn’t reply to your text messages. 

to iwaizumi: hey to iwaizumi: are you asleep already?  to iwaizumi: it’s still early though... to iwaizumi: just uhm message me when you read this okay?

when you felt like everything was going back into order before the hug, fate does something again. 

actually, it was you who did it and fate merely attracted you to doing it. 

people are afraid of confessions, most of the time. and apparently, you’re one of those people. no matter if it’s a confession for a petty thing such as telling your friend that they smell a bit or a stranger when you see them having some dirt on their face or stain on their clothes. yet, despite being nervous about it, you still do it. 

for some reason, it applies to your feelings about a confession towards hajime as well. 

the moment you had fully accepted to yourself that you liked him more than a friend would, you knew it was the end for your friendship with him- that you can never bring back whatever that was lost or what was supposed to had been before any of these shenanigans ever happened. 

weeks and months went by, until it had been a year and more since you first claimed that you liked him. by now, you weren’t at the same class as him anymore and guess what? you two were not talking or texting anymore either. 

it seemed as if the friendship just… faded. and even if you had feelings for him, you let it slip from your hands, and yet it was the very thing that you were convinced that you wanted to have all this time--to not let this friendship die. since there was no possible way hajime would ever like you, at least you’ll have the friendship, you’ll still have him with you, by your side, even not as someone you secretly desired him to be. 

“how is he?” you let out, barely able to look at oikawa as you gazed at your feet and the ground, something that is  not even that interesting--to which the other knew and noticed. yet instead of speaking of it, oikawa answered your question. 

“you meant iwa-chan, or me? if me, i’m alright, just a little hungry, do you want to go eat?” 

still, oikawa is oikawa and he did everything to make you look up to him, even if it were of a soft glare, like you’d always do--and you did, earning yourself a satisfied smirk from oikawa, slightly snickering at your reaction. 

“just kidding. iwa-chan is doing fine, just his usual self; iwa-chan being iwa-chan. no one is with him still, if you want to know--which i know you were.” he says, even so far as learning by your side, as if attempting to mutter the last statement by your ear.

even if your and hajime’s friendship were slowly fading away, you and oikawa still kept in touch. you had no idea why but, he eventually became your friend while in the process of this hajime ordeal, plus he was also your seatmate the whole year when you were at the same class. 

oh, and he’s also the only one connected to hajime, so of course, being friends with him was also an advantage for you. at least, there was a mutual friend whom you could talk and confide to about his own friend, hajime. 

“what happened to your confession anyway? i was quite positive you had a chance with iwa-chan this whole time.” you couldn’t see what he was looking at as he was saying those words but you were sure you heard him huff, which meant that he was making this funny expression in his face, one that made you chuckle a bit at the mental scene. 

yet that chuckle turned into a smile--a smile that oikawa could admit that he had never seen in your face before. 

“i confessed i like him, but, well, it’s pretty obvious that he didn’t like me. if he does, we’d probably be dating right now.” 

usually, oikawa would be amused at your sarcastic remarks, but this one, he did not lie it one bit, just like the sad expression that you were making. he felt as if he was in your place, and his heart broke for you, the friend whom his bestfriend had rejected. 

unbeknownst to you, oikawa tried to help you, even so far by “matchmaking” or “promoting” you to hajime. however, it seems the things only worsen the more oikawa does it. 

“why? don’t you like them?” 

“it’s not that.” the very same knitted brows appear on hajime’s expression and oikawa immediately recognized it since it was the same face that he’ll always give when they talk about a conflict--one that hajime doesn’t like talking about. 

oikawa thinks it's childish-- the way hajime ignores all of this and the way you still stay hopelessly devoted to this man. it’s like you’re both prolonging the discomfort and pain that you two were feeling. he wanted you two to just talk it all out so that he wouldn’t be caught in between the two of you, and also because he didn’t like having you and hajime to be in this situation. he loathed having to see you both suffer from your own decisions and actions. 

hajime is a broken man--that much you knew. oikawa once mentioned to you that hajime had his heart broken by someone he liked for several years, and now, he was rather reluctant in liking someone. when you came in the picture, he was already a broken man. that’s why you were fine with having to love him without him loving you back. 

you didn’t mention that it was not painful otherwise. 

“hajime,” 

the recognition that plays by his face amuses you, and you couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him too; his face is not really much different than before, but it was obvious that he had matured a lot and puberty really gifted him with such a handsome, chiselled face. not only that, but his build changed too, even if he did have strong, muscley arms before. now, he looks like a very mature young man. 

which he is anyway, why are you even paying attention to those things?

“long time no see” you say, halting in front of you and for him to fully turn to face you. 

“y/n?” hearing your name being called by him gives you a feeling you once had before. however, you merely brushed that thought away, just in time for him to finally break off of his surprise.

“yeah, it had been.” he says, then pulling out the chair beside him, patting it. “here, let me treat you to a drink.” 

you hesitated, and it seems as if hajime noticed it. “it’s alright if you’re in a hurry, we can just catch up some other day.”

“yeah, i think we should.” you nervously chuckled, and just when you were about to panic at how awkward the sudden encounter was, you were reminded by something. “we can have coffee some other day, but i have something for you.” 

hajime watches as you rummage your bag, your attention focused on whatever you were finding as he takes this opportunity to actually look at you. 

you look beautiful and mature, not so different from before, but you surely bloomed and become a really attractive person. if hajime were to be asked, he would have asked you on a date in almost an instant. yet, it will be proving to be difficult due to the history that you and him had. 

the thought alone makes him want to regret his decisions from before, but he was not willing to say or express it out loud. 

if you would give him a chance though, he’s pretty sure he would take it. he’s very different from who he was before, much mature and capable of being in a relationship. 

he’s ready. 

“here,” you suddenly were extending your hand to him, holding out a piece of envelope that looked very much like a letter. and before he could question it, you spoke. 

“i’m inviting you to our wedding. toshi and i are trying to find people from our previous schools so…. here.” 

the smile that was on your face was bright, and hajime was having a hard time processing everything that was happening in his mind and before he knew it, you were saying goodbye, leaving the invitation on his hand before leaving the cafe, saying that you had some errands to attend to. 

when he was left alone, it took hajime a full minute to open the invitation, seeing the names written on it and reading everything else. he was surprised, but what shocked him the most is that he actually felt different. 

he wasn’t heartbroken, no. it was as if someone had poured ice-cold water on him, the same memory of when you and him talked about the very same man you were marrying playing in his mind over and over. 

it was amazing how fate brought you two in this situation, but it sure didn’t occur in hajime’s mind. when he first met you, he felt like he’d just met someone who will always be by his side, and he knew you deserve the best, that’s why he thought that he did not deserve you. 

now he can only question himself as he looks at the invitation to your marriage with another man, drinking coffee alone and without anyone by his side anymore. 

[muilkyu]

Treasure's Types of Dates

🐷 Hyunsuk

"This would look so good with the new shoes I got last week." Hyunsuk gushes while picking up a pair of shades.

"Hyunsuk, that's amazing, but my feet hurt now. Can we leave now?" You whine. 

"Just one more store babe. I saw this dress the other night that would look adorable on you," he says. Then he walks away, spotting a different pair of shades that he just needs.

Thrifting dates are a must for both of you

You both drag each other to underground fashion shows when you can

If you are staying home you decide to have a runway date with both of you just playing around with different types of styles 

For lazy nights it's just face masks and a Netflix movie party

🐼 Jihoon

"Tilt your head to the left!" Jihoon yells from across the field of wildflowers he's crouched down eyes squinted holding his camera trying to get a good picture, "Extend your foot. A little more! Okay perfect!" 

The sky is a beautiful orange shade that compliments the wildflowers and your sundress. Jihoon was right about this being the perfect place for a photo. 

"Okay. You look gorgeous. Come look," He says again. You make your way over to him looking at the photo. He really does have a talent for photography. "These are my best ones yet. I don't know if it's the sun or the model I should be staring at more."

Jihoon likes to visit places where you can get a pretty picture

He finds the best cafes for dates. Even though he wants a picture before you can eat which can take forever

You often travel outside of Seoul to see even more of Korea

You got to Busan often for your dates just spending a day walking around and enjoying the city

🐯 Yoshi

"If you fall I will catch you."

"I trust you, but I also can't take the chance of that happening," You say placing a foot on the skateboard. It's staying still for right now, but any second it also could move forward, "Just hold my hands and guide me." 

Yoshi was 100% determined to teach you how to skate. Even though you told him you had no interest in skating. When he told you he wanted to teach you his face lit up so you agreed.

The type that wants to share his hobbies with you so that's usually your date idea 

Yoshi likes to make you laugh on dates 

You don't do too many dates at home unless you are playing a game or something

Sometimes you spend time helping him make art which leads to a big mess and paint staining both your cheeks and clothes

🐨 Junkyu

"We have been here before," you point out as Junkyu lays out a blanket on the grass.

"I know, but it gets even prettier every time we come back." He says laying down on the blanket.

"Don't you think we should go somewhere else next time? We have been to the Bank river on just about half of our dates."

Junkyu shakes his head patting the blanket, "Nope. Now let's lay down and watch the clouds."

Not the best at planning dates at all

You can tell he tries however so you let it slide

Dates are usually more relaxed than exciting

When you want to have full-on fun he makes you do something 'crazy' aka roller coasters

🐹 Mashiho

"Bend your elbow a bit more so you can aim properly," Mashiho says pushing your wrist back.

"I won't make it either way." 

Mashiho smiles, "Exactly why you have me as a teacher. Now bend your knees and shoot." 

You do as he says. You watch as the ball hits the back of the rim and then slowly falls into the basket. 

"You did it! I told you I was a great teacher."

Dates with Mashiho are always playful

You end up either playing a game outside or shopping for cute toys and plushies around Seoul

You pick up hobbies together that interest you both 

You rarely go out to eat or order food for dates, but when you are getting food you stop at a bakery for sweets

🦁 Jaehyuk

"We will take whatever the chef recommends," Jaehyuk tells the Waiter. He's decided to bring you to a very fancy restaurant, definitely one that you don't deserve to be at, but he insisted. 

"This is all so amazing Jae." You say looking around. You're sitting right next to the window which allows you to look out into the Seoul nightlife.

"I know right. I've always wanted to eat here and now I can with you it makes it all that more special."

Fancy dates. At nice restaurants and cafes. 

He likes to pamper you when you go out together so he doesn't hold back

All of the money he has saved up goes towards making you happy

A true romantic at heart he loves to spoil you and make you feel loved

🤖 Asahi

"Which color should I use for the flowers?" You ask digging through the pencil bag of markers. 

"Why are you adding flowers on my self-portrait?" Ashai questions. He's still sketching he's very focused on his drawing. 

"I know, but I went above and beyond and gave you a background. I should get extra points." 

He chuckles at that remark, "I'm highly doubtful you can beat me, but you should do pink."

Homeboy dates 

You end up trying to cook homemade pizza which turns out horribly so you just order in

One time he built a fort and you snuggled inside with a movie marathon and hot chocolate 

🦊 Yedam

"We should get green tea and a banana nut muffin," Yedam suggests as he looks over the menu. You're at your favorite cafe that's just down the street from your dorm. Yedam suggested you have a study date today which is exactly what you agreed on. 

"I want a muffin, but order a different drink. I'm not in the mood for tea." 

"Okay," he circles the option on the menu and sets it aside. A worker will walk past soon and pick it up. He unzips his bookbag pulling out a binder and a workbook ready to work, "What are you going to study?"

"I think I am going to start on my Language Arts report. I just need to decide on a topic." You say pulling your laptop out from your tote bag. 

Yedam smiles, "I can help you with that."

Study dates happen often because grades are important to you both

Sometimes you end up at a Karaoke bar because you would be a fool to not love his voice

You walk around in parks often just looking at the scenery and enjoying nature

🐰 Doyoung

"Are you sure you should be adding so much salt?" 

"I'm only adding a little bit. Trust me It Will taste amazing." Doyoung smiles. 

"After your strawberry jam disaster, I don't think I should trust you." You say looking down into the pot at the bright red liquid boiling. 

Shrugging off the comment Doyoung reaches for the sesame oil adding a teaspoon, "It will taste fine. Now can you please set the table?" He pushes you towards the table so you leave him to his work.

Doyoung is a wildcard for dates

At times he will bring you to a restaurant for a nice dinner

At other times he will insist on cooking something

Sometimes he finds really weird places for dates such as going to a token food market or he books a ceramics class

One time he tries to teach you a dance one can only imagine how that went

🐏 Haruto

"So what do you have planned for me today?" You ask pulling off your crossbody bag hanging it on your chair. 

"I was thinking we should watch a horror movie." He says. 

You laugh, "No seriously what are we gonna do?" 

"I am serious we should watch a foreign film together and eat popcorn." 

"Are you sure this is a good idea? The last time we watched one you wanted to be the knight in shining armor, but I had to walk you home." You point out recalling the memory from a few months ago. 

"I promise I can handle it. Let's pop some popcorn."

Spoiler Alert: You only made it 15 minutes into the movie before you had to turn it off. You ended up watching Wreck-It Ralph instead.

Haruto doesn't really plan for dates be just goes with the flow

Most nights you just enjoy the presence of each other talking for hours 

Haruto seems quiet but when he is comfortable he loves to sit and talk with the people around him

🐺 Jeongwoo

"Why did you tell me to wear pants?" You ask as you meet Jeongwoo. 

He just smiles, "With what I have planned you'll be happy you wore pants." 

-

"You're not going to win!" You shout while running after Jeongwoo. He's decided to bring you to an indoor jumping park. The floor is filled with trampolines and there are sections for different games. 

He has a head start already making it to the jumping area, "Hurry up. I want to beat you in dodgeball."

Jeongwoo has a lot of energy so most of the time he has you moving around when you meet to go out. 

Sometimes you're screaming your lungs out on a roller coaster other times you're racing him just to see who will win

When you want to just stay home your still moving around either just singing and dancing till you can't anymore or eating ice cream and watching YouTube

🐮 Junghwan

"There is a zombie behind you!" Junghwan shouts. He's right next to you, but he still feels the need to shout. 

"Kill it more me I'm still smelting the iron!" 

He shakes his head, "No you do it I have to go look for more diamond." 

"Wow, you're not gonna protect me from a zombie. I'm gonna take all the diamonds and leave you then." You say turning your character around to kill the zombie. 

"I was just kidding. I'll kill any monster that tries to hurt you."

Video Game dates at home 

You both enjoy taking each other down or working together to meet a goal in a game

When your not gaming for a date you just walk around Seoul till you find something fun

Him being from Iksan he's only really looked at bits and pieces so you just walk to you find interesting shops and stores

-

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #452

“what i’ve felt, what i’ve known, never shined doing what i’ve shown  /  never free, never me, so i dub thee unforgiven”

Are you a part of the LGBTQ+ community? I am. Do you have Tiktok? Are you addicted? I don't. Do you enjoy being outside? IF it's cool outside, yes. Do you like being around kids? No, not really. Have you ever gotten Covid-19? No. What's your ethnicity? Caucasian. If you were president, what's the first change you would make? I'd probably put in place free healthcare first. What is an animal that you'd like to have as a pet but it's not allowed? If an animal shouldn't be a pet, there's a reason. So none. What was your favorite meal as as kid? Has it changed now? It was spaghetti. I still love it, but it's not my favorite now. Which doctor is your least favorite? Primary, eye, dentist, gynecologist, etc. Potential TMI answer follows. So, the VERY easy answer is gynecologist. Like, I've never even BEEN to one because I'm too scared. Not because I think they'll find anything wrong, but because I'm just very self-conscious about stuff like that and I do fucking not want some random stranger laying a goddamn finger on me like that. My doctor is really pushing me to go by now though as a safety precaution, but I just really, really don't want to. Do you feel that you'd be any good at solving a murder? No. I'm so clueless. You own a dragon, but it doesn't breathe fire; what comes out instead? Water, I guess? That could be beneficial in a lot of ways. Have you ever been sprayed by a giant rain puddle when a car passed by? No. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? Yeah, IT with Girt. What color is your iPod? Hot pink. Do you think baby clothes are adorable? Ha ha yeah, I just tend to like miniature things in general, and babies are just... miniature humans lmao. Whose house did you last sleep over at? Sara's. If you could adopt 3 unique pets, what would you get? A plains hognose morph (probably a lavender, or snow?), a Brazilian black tarantula, andddd... an African fat-tailed gecko morph. What grade are you in, if you’re still in school? I'm not in school. Do you get a lot of tourists in the area where you live? Hell no, there's not shit here. Do you enjoy watching vlogs? Only occasionally by certain people I like. What was the last new video game you were excited about? It really sucks I don't have the appropriate console to play it myself, but I was SUPER stoked for Resident Evil 8: Village to be released and literally watched like four different playthroughs at the same time, ha ha. Have you ever talked about your period with a guy? Were they okay with it, or grossed out? In a three-and-a-half years intimate relationship, it obviously came up before. He didn't care, because he wasn't 12. Have you ever been to small church/bible group/study? Forced to or wanted to? I was forced to go to Sunday school, as well as church. Have you ever been to an Asian (any type) market? If so, what is the closest one to you? I've never seen one here, even. How would you feel if your significant other had tattoos? That'd be a bonus to how physically attracted I was to them, probably, lol. I just love tattoos. Where was the last place on your body that you felt physical pain? My uterus is screaming. :') What are you listening to right now? I am fucking unhealthily obsessed with Violet Orlandi & Skar's cover of "The Unforgiven" by Metallica lkasdjkflawjerwr like I will not stop listening to it lol. Last person you texted? My mom. Have you ever gone out of your way to make someone happy? Yes. Is there a certain person that makes you feel safe? My mom. Have you ever used a chainsaw? Nooo, and I don't want to. Do you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa? crihmuh Ever been so stunned, no words came out? Oh yes. Ever written that you were going to end your life? I have. I was fucking stupid and made a suicide note on Facebook. I genuinely wanted everyone on there to know what they meant to me, so like it seriously wasn't for attention, which I still worry people think that. Ever put fake bugs around your house to scare someone? Not to scare people, no. I have two faux tarantulas in my room as decor, though. Is there a reason you have the name you do? Not particularly. My parents just liked it, ig. Choose: the best song by Green Day? Aw, that's way too hard! I love Green Day. I guess if I absolutely had to pick, maybe "21 Guns." It's just a truly beautiful song. Have you ever tried to “save”, or “fix” someone, before? No. I don't believe that works and only damages you. Were ethics discovered or invented? That's a good question. I really can't say I know. Do you put effort into getting tan during the summer? Nah. Are you a fairly self-motivated person? NO. I need external motivation pretty badly. Be honest, does the person you like actually deserve you? Or are they actually not worthy of your affections? I don't deserve him. List 5 things that have been on your mind most recently. 1.) wtf I feel about Girt and wtf to do about it; 2.) my weight; 3.) what job I'm going to search for once I make progress at the gym; 4.) whether or not to quit photography and focus my efforts elsewhere; and 5.), as always, Jason. What is better, history or science? Science is way more interesting. Do you flinch at the sight of blood? No. Do you enjoy swimming? Yeah. When you swear, is it usually in general or directed at someone? In general. I don't generally swear at people. Are any of your friends hoping to be famous one day? Yeah; I've got a couple of musician friends. Who would you kiss right now if you could kiss anyone? GO AWAY Ever slapped a guy in the face? No. I don't hit people. Do you think you’re a good friend? I sure try to be. Have you ever thrown your cell phone in anger? When? I have on only one occasion when I Jason and I were texting and he pissed me off. I don't remember what we were even talking about now. My phone was fine btw, ha ha, I didn't like, chuck it. What color of hair do you find the sexiest on the opposite gender? Out of the natural hair colors, black. But I really like hair that's dyed exotic colors on like... anyone. Have you slept over at a member of the opposite sex’s house in their bed? Yeah. When you lost your virginity, were you sober? Yeah. Have you ever given your phone number to somebody you met online? Quite a few people, actually. Most of my friendships are online. On average, how much does gas cost where you live? When I was out today, it was $2.99. Why are you happy? Who said I was? I'm not happy. What is in your pocket? Nothing. What was the worst feeling you last felt? Severe indecision. Worthlessness. Yesterday had some grim periods. What would you name your future son? I always answer with the first name, "Damien," so let's see about a middle name... uhhhh... maybe Damien James? I'm not really sure about a middle name, but that sounds nice. What are you waiting for? Girt to message me back. He barely touches Facebook, so I can't blame him, but I wanna plan a day for him to visit and we can hang and I can decide what the fuck it is I feel towards him. What takes your breath away? Big waterfalls, to name a major one. What fact of life would you rather not know about? That the world doesn't give a fuck about you. It sounds super pessimistic, I know, but it doesn't. There is no sentience to it, no will to keep you safe and happy, it just... exists, and we're thrown onto it to figure it out. Unfair things happen. That's life. ... Damn, this answer was dark lol. What’re a few things that automatically make you go, “Awww?” Meerkat pups doing so much as blinking, guys being really cute with kids, seeing elderly couples holding hands and just generally being precious, proposals (especially gay ones just because of how hard that was fought for), seeing literally any picture in existence of Mark and Amy together, veterans coming home and their dogs freaking out... Man, a lot of things. This question brightened my mood to think about. :') Are you easily scared by horror movies? Nah. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Illinois to visit Sara. :') I really wanna hang. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? No, but a former best friend had her bday a day before mine. Are you wearing a ring? I always wear two. Do you hate to hug people? No, I love hugs. How many rooms does your house consist of? Seven. If you could be on any TV show, which would it be and why? Can I be a Pokemon trainer, pls???? What would you want to be famous for? Most ideally, a great wildlife photographer. The kind photography students would see and be inspired by. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? No, I sleep with a real animal, ha ha. What is your favorite brand of hairspray? I don’t have one. What is in your backyard? Not very much... I'm barely ever even out there, so I barely know. There's one shed, a small tree, and uh... idk. Who is/was your favorite teacher? I have a few. Mrs. Whitley, Mr. Proctor, Coach Collie, and Miss Tobey are some. What’s your favorite non-sexual thing to do with a girl/boy? Play video games together. Do you cheer for the bad guy? Ha, I have a tendency to do that... Would you rather start a new career or a new relationship? Career. I want one so very badly. Something on the human body that grossest you out the most: So even though I am sexually attracted to any gender, nevertheless, genitalia gross me the fuck out. Either kind. Penises especially though like what the fuck- Do you think it’s easier to raise a boy a girl? Why? From most parents, I've heard boys are much easier because girls (supposedly) tend to have more of an attitude. What is your favorite strawberry flavored food? Strawberry is generally my favorite flavor for like, everything, so this is just about impossible. Maybe uhhh slushies? What is the oldest video game system you’ve played? An Atari.

[oikawas-fav-alien]

Distance | Shirabu Kenjiro x Reader

✧ Summary: Having attended Shiratorizawa Academy from junior high, you were familiar with most of the students in your year. They were average, nothing special — until a certain vbc setter, from god knows whatever small town junior high he crawled out of, changed up your world.

-> warnings: none — maybe language cause it’s shirabu; fluff and slight angst :)

Shirabu Kenjirō was a living, breathing pillar of salt. And it was rightly so. He was the friend, the shoulder to cry on, and the person that everyone viewed as reliable. This was not entirely a bad thing, since he was viewed as much more dependable than others. And this idea was not limited to volleyball. But being placed in that category separated him from the very people who put him there. The girls viewed him as, at most, a friend. He was the king and leader of the friend zone.

It was the end of his second-year and he would soon be taking over as captain of the boys’ volleyball team. He justified lack of love life on the fact that he had bigger things to focus on. And after their crushing defeat, Shirabu reasoned that Shiratorizawa needed a focused captain to lead them to victory.

But the road to triumph was… rather lonely.

Shirabu had his team with him one-hundred percent and silently appreciated them for their confidence and own unfailing determination (he won't admit out loud!) But it seemed like he was surrounded by couples. His kouhai, Goshiki Tsutomu, found comfort in another first-year that was a regular on the women's volleyball team. And another female on the team seemed to be interested with the middle-blocker of Karasuno!1

Couples were disgusting.

Of course, majority of the members of the male volleyball were single. Ushijima was a super volleyball idiot and his focus seemed to never stray from the sport. But even with his cinnamon roll personality, the female base of Shiratorizawa seemed to flock to him. He was undoubtedly very handsome and tall. His grades were well above average and his fan club was incredibly prominent. Ushijima had all the makings of a great man and was noticed as such by a large pool of the student body. The difference was that Ushijima was willingly single.

Shirabu, deep in the non-explored depths of his heart, wanted to be noticed like his Senpai. When playing volleyball, Shirabu strived to be the type of setter that went by unnoticed and drew out the strength of his ace. And he knew the consequences of such. But still. He was the main setter on a highly prominent team and his skills are not hard to notice.

Maybe it was his rough personality? Pft. He would never change that for a person, no matter how special.

Shirabu was above average height and had amazing grades in a prestigious powerhouse. What wasn’t there to like? His sense of style was trendy and he was complimented on his clothes more than once. He as not too preppy like Goshiki and not too wild like Tendou. Was it his looks? His bangs were unusual, but they weren't as bad as coconut-head/bowl/Goshiki. Since entering adolescence, he failed to ever break-out and was blessed with marvelous clear skin. On more than one occasion, he would stare at the mirror and truly wonder just why.

Why was no one interested?

Enter you.

You attended Shiratorizawa in both middle and high school. Coming from a wealthy family, there was nothing standing in your way. You were fairly popular and had seen the multiple personalities flit through your advanced classes. And in your first-year came Shirabu, an outsider to Shiratorizawa from a lower-class middle school. After being in the system for three-years, you knew almost everyone and seeing a new face was refreshing.

From the very start, you wanted to bet to know him more. But he was incredibly reclusive and mysterious to the general student body. Nobody could answer your questions. Well. Nobody except a certain Salami and volleyball idiot. You shared an advanced statistics class with the two third-year volleyball players in your first year and from them you were able to peer more and more into the life of Shirabu Kenjirō.

“Why do you want to know, (F/N)-chan?” Tendou instigated, “You have a crush on him?”

“Please, Salami calm down.” He raised his hands and gasped, “Come on. There isn’t a single person in this school who I don’t know and suddenly nobody knows anything about him?”

“He is smart and adaptable.” Ushijima chimed in.

“And a little shit, that’s for sure.” Tendou stated. You rolled your eyes and returned your attention back to the statistics teacher. Sure, you wanted to learn more. But this class was hella hard and you still needed good grades. Eventually, you were able to gradually acquire more information and Kenjirō. You learned that he was the only player from the boys’ volleyball team to not get into Shiratorizawa with a sports scholarship. Instead, he got in on his own accord through the arduous exams and good grades.

The more you discovered, the more you liked him.

Shirabu had a work ethic that you hadn't seen in a while. Being in this particular school-system for so long ruined your perception of it. You perceived most of your classmates to have a truly pretentious or judgmental personality, but showing to be as sweet as honey to your face. Of course they wanted to be your friend, who wouldn't with your last name?

He hadn't.

Shirabu was straight-forward with a tongue laced with salt. Sign you the fuck up!

He had no qualms about talking back to you and you looked forward to your daily banter with an odd smile. It was strange. You could get any nice, sweet boy in the whole school. But what was the point if they didn't mean it? Shirabu was honest - a trait that should never be given up, even if it offended others. You would rather have someone give you genuine advice - even if it was mostly mean - rather than an empty friendship.

You had majority of the same classes together for the second year in a row. And you were the only person who would had the immediate desire to sit next to Shirabu as a partner. You silently viewed him as a friend, but there was always this barrier that you could never get over for your friendship to deepen. His time was always dedicated to volleyball. And you did not play any sports anymore.

You watched the volleyball team's crushing defeat to Karasuno and the heartbreak it caused to so many people, Shirabu included. The women's team was resorted to tears and you could not even look at the men for too long. Reon and Semi were so sweet and you wished you could protect them for all the bad in the world. You had never seen Shirabu cry before.

Shirabu... He seemed to only display emotion around his team. And this made sense since those were the people that he was closest too. The rare occasion you had seen his smile was when you had watched a game. They had an overwhelming victory against Johzenji High and you spotted the small grin on Shirabu after he scored the winning point. Your heart could barely take it. You only wished that he showed that side more to you...

He was friendly, but distant enough for you to want more. Shirabu was not cold to you and his harsh chitchat did not hold any true malice behind his words. But he never opened up to you. You wanted to learn more about him personally and if you wanted to, you would have to pry and almost force him to speak. He would give curt answers and then be done with the conversation. But, on more than one occasion, you would spot him typing away on his phone. It was no secret that the boys’ and girls’ volleyball team were fairly close and had a groupchat shared amongst them. You silently wondered if he was texting a girl from the team.

That thought had you instantly deflated and made you wondering if you ever had a chance with Shirabu. You were not one to be easily defeated, but with every brief conversation and blank expression he gave you, you considered giving up altogether. This happened around Valentine’s Day of your first-year. Shirabu was abnormally delighted and even smiled in the classroom at someone’s joke. You figured that sure, it was the day of love and he probably had something lined up for himself and his significant other – that was why he was so happy. And it hurt your heart. He smiled, but it was never because of you.

From there forward, you tended to avoid him to evade the imminent heartache every time you saw him. This was hard since you literally sat next to each other in most classes, but something entirely doable. You would leave the classroom immediately after class, show up right before it started, and not initiate conversation. It was always you that had previously opened up discussion, so when you had stopped there was little to none at all.

Shirabu caught up to your change and silently questioned it. On multiple occasions, you would catch him observing you from the corner of your eye and you silently hoped he would not question you outloud. Within a week, he was ready to corner you.

You were at your locker right after class, ready to pack-up and head over to photography club. He was silently bounding towards you and when you closed the locker he was standing right-there before your eyes.

“Did I do something to offend you?” He asked the moment your locker closed.

“No…” You stated haphazardly, clutching your backpack.

“You’re never his quiet or shy.” He noted, “Did something else happen?”

“I have to get to photography club…” Shirabu put his arm on the locker and blocked your exit. He was tall and there was no way you could out-run him, you were trapped.

“Don’t lie. We know it starts in twenty-minutes. You might be on the executive board, but you have a lot of time.” He sighed out, locking to the ceiling and then back to you. “Why are you ignoring me?”

“… Am I your friend, Shirabu?”

“Of course.” He did not hesitate to answer. “And it’s Kenjirō.”

“What?”

“Call me by my first name.”

“Oh.” You paused and let the name roll of your tongue, “Then you should call me by my first name too, Kenjirō-kun.” His eyes widened at the added suffix and a rosy dust covered his cheeks.

“Was that it?” He asked, “Come on, (F/N). That’s an immature reason to ignore me.”

“How was I supposed to know?” You questioned, “It never seems like you actually want to talk to me.”

“I’m talking to you now.”

“Outside of this!” You were beyond frustrated, “Ugh I’m fine now go away.” You lightly pushed his arm, but he did not budge.

“As if that would convince me.”

“You are so annoying.” You commented, “You never initiated conversation. I thought I was just bothering you.”

His gaze on you softened and you could not break the eye-contact, “You’re an idiot.” He teased and then ruffled your hair. That was the first time he had ever done physical-contact with you and you almost exploded then and there.

“I’m an idiot?” You repeated before walking away mid-sentence, “I’m hoping you treat your girlfriend better.”

He paused and let us hand drop down to grab your elbow before you go away. “Girlfriend? Where did this come up?”

“I thought…” Shit, you let that thought slip out-loud, “The men and women volleyball teams are close. And I’ve only ever seen you hang-out outside of class with them and those girls. I just assume...”

“You assumed wrong.” He quickly cut-off, “Ugh. What am I going to do with you?” He asked as he grabbed you into a hug. You returned the affection and you knew that a blush must have stained your face! And what was that question?

Shirabu continued, “So was that the real problem? You were jealous of my supposed ‘girlfriend?’” He laughed at his question and you were going to die from his smile. God it was so rare and you wished he graced you with it more!

“No! Don’t get too ahead of yourself!” You yelled back, but it was muffled against his chest. He leaned back to see your face and teased you for your embarrassed expression.

“You’re an idiot.” He laughed again.

Since then, your friendship with Kenjirō was gradually improving. But it seemed that there was this silent barrier that you could not overcome. You could talk about your problems, but not about his. And since then, he had not initiated any physical contact. If you ever brushed hands or simply leaned against him, he should shift away and pretend it never happened! Did you really make any progress?

Finals were coming up and that was giving you one last chance to spend time with Shirabu before the end of the schoolyear. Sure, you could always ask your father and he had the power to put you two in the same class again next year - But! Did you want to waste your last year together pinning after him?

Your study group was comprised of yourself, Shirabu, Kawanishi, and two people from his class. Kawanishi was in Class 5, which was also advanced, but he was so damn lazy! You saw his potential and only wished that he tried harder and quit fucking around.

The three other members of the group were missing that night and the two of you were left alone to grovel over English. Your English was better than Shirabu’s but the opposite could be said about history. You paired each other well and aided the other's faults.

You commented on this once jokingly, saying, "You complete me!" He simply rolled his eyes and brushed it off before continuing to study.

Damn. This boy cannot take a hint.

You attempted to show the boy your advances. But it seemed Shirabu would shut you down at every try, almost like he knew what you were doing and was firmly against it. A part of you considered backing down. He had made his intentions clear for two straight-years, maybe you should not waste another year on someone who obviously does not want your attention?

That thought last for a second before you waved it off. There was no one else you were even remotely interested in. If he said no, that’s fine. But you were probably not going to peruse anyone else.

Both you and Shirabu were spacing out from over-reading the textbook and happened to make eye contact. "What's on your mind?" You asked.

"Things you cannot understand."

"You really think that low of me?"

"No. I'm going to be the captain of the volleyball team in a few weeks."

"Wow."

"There's no way your pampered ass would get it."

"You think about my ass?" You teased, but he pretended to ignore the question. You spent enough time with him to notice the minute narrowing of his eyes and the slight curve in the corner of his left lip.

Damn, this boy had you bad.

"I'm sure you'll do fine, Kenjirō." You comforted, "You're very smart and reliable. I believe that your training won't betray you."

"Reliable..." He murmured. "That's exactly what I'm talking about."

"What do you mean?"

He scoffed at your question, "Exactly. You won't understand."

"Then explain it to me!" You exclaimed.

"Why should I?" He seemed just as inflamed.

"Because I care about you! You big, dumb, idiot!"

Shirabu paused before fully looking at you, surprise evident. "Well, everyone expects this idiot to be reliable and lead the team. But..."

"But...?"

"That's all that people expect from me. To be the smart one. To live to everyone's expectations and shoulder the border of living up to the name ''powerhouse.'" He was getting more agitated and louder with each word.

"Woah, calm down."

"I can't calm down! In a few weeks, I'll lose the ace that I've admired for years and majority of our regular team! How am I supposed to fill in their shoes when we're losing one of the top 3 spikers in the country?"

You had no shame in grabbing his chin and turning his full attention to you. "Listen here you idiot. Don't interrupt me! I said don't! I stopped sports, but I know this is something entirely inevitable. Your senpai's are moving onto the next phase of their lives, but it's not something you can stop or change. You have to accept the future and make the most out of it and I know you will. Shiratorizawa is not the only school with graduation. Your rivals and others will lose their precious third-years and its then will you be able to analyze them and attack. But you need to calm the fuck down."

Shirabu was hanging onto every word. Nodding at some parts and fully taking in what you were trying to convey. At the end of your speech, he pushed your hands away from his face with a slight rosy dust on his cheeks. No woman, outside of his mother, had ever done that to him before.

"You're a real pain, (F/N)." he started, "But thanks. I needed that."

"No problem, I just want you to know that I can be here for you." You extended your hand to cover his own on the desk.

His eyes latched onto your hand before he averted his gaze and attempted to pull his hand away. You kept a tight enough grip to keep it in place, but not enough to hurt. "Must you touch me so much?"

"You are such a tsundere, oh my god." You commented, "Of course, I had to like you."

He stilled and looked directly into your eyes, as if that would confirm your previous statement. "Are you really that surprised?" You asked. "You're really handsome and you have the type of personality that I find most attractive."

"Tsundere?" He joked.

"No. You're honest." You admitted, "You're not like the rest of them, who only see dollar signs when they see me. You've roasted my ass multiple times in class and I wouldn't have it any other way. You say the truth and don't sugar-coat your words for anyone."

"I like you." You simply stated. You watched the words seem to finally reach something in his mind and at this point he seemed to panic. He pulled his hand away and you did not hide your outward hurt. Shirabu made a lame excuse and quickly packed up his stuff to leave.

You never felt more sad and alone.

XXXXX

Shirabu was freaking the fuck out. He wanted someone to notice him and it had to be you??? You were beautiful and nearly perfect in every way. Your beauty went beyond the physical level and you were blessed with intelligence and an even greater family tree.

None of this mattered to him before. You were his friend and classmate and probably the one person in class who did not endlessly irritate him. How could you possibly have feelings for him? He didn't deserve you, not a bit. He had an endless list of faults, including his knowingly sarcastic personality, and you were the friendliest person in school! No way. You could be happier with literally anyone else.

He could not deny all your positive traits, even though he made an effort to ridicule you. You were an overall amazing person and he could not deny his latent crush on you. But he had squashed it since your friendship was mostly comprised of friendly banter. You could never have feelings for him, he previously thought. So he would rather treasure your friendship and watch you from the sideline.

However, Shirabu had to admit that it was a dick move of him just to leave you there after your confession. He was usually the type to speak his mind and your feelings must have blinded his brain. He set-out to clear the air and admit why.

In class the next day, you were nowhere to be found and refused to respond to calls and texts. Seeing you so affected, Shirabu could not help but feel like a huge ass. He owed you big-time, but he had to start somewhere: an apology. Shirabu had to clear the air and make it known that he appreciated your affections, even if he had to deny them. He was not above annoying you and did such continually.

Knocking on your dorm room, he showed up right at your front door.

Shirabu heard movement inside, but not closer to the door. He called your phone again and heard the ringtone go off from within, just for you to mute it. He knocked about eleven more times before you opened the door.

"What do you want?!" You asked as you swung the door open with full force.

"To clear the misunderstanding, (F/N)."

"God, you are so annoying. Did you know that?"

"You are too. Now hear me out, you crazy."

"Excuse me?!"

"Please." You sighed and moved aside for him to enter and he did such. He uncharacteristically took your hand and guided you to sit-down on your bed.

He paused, as if to fully think about his words, before sitting next to you. "You need someone who has time for you."

"What?"

"I'll be the captain soon and I do not want to disappoint anyone. I'll be busy and unable to be the proper boyfriend."

"Is that your only complaint to this relationship?"

"No."

"What else?"

"You deserve someone who can make you happy."

You gave a small laughed and asked, "Who says you don't already make me happy?"

He stared at your for a moment before asking, "What?"

"I don't want someone who you think will make me happier with kind words or bullshit. I want someone honest." You candidly admitted, "And we are friends already. I know you're dedicated to volleyball and I don't want that to change. I already know how you are and that’s why I like you more than anyone else. You alone can make me happy. For someone smart, why is this so hard for you to understand?"

He sputtered, unable to give a cohesive reply and for once you saw be great Shirabu struggle over his usually articulate words.

"Wait." You realized that he had multiple complaints about this relationship before you interrupted him. "Just be straight with me. Do you have feelings for me?"

It was at this moment that Shirabu had the clearest view of you. You were in the closest proximity than ever before, sharing a seat on your bed! He could gaze clearly into your eyes and sense the distress and vulnerability from your previous words. He stretched the silence and you took that as a rejection. He immediately rectified the situation by grabbing your hand and placing a light kiss at the top.

"I never thought you were interested in me." He admitted, "I thought I was deep in the friend zone. So I would have rather kept your friendship than risked ruining it."

"You're an idiot." You smiled grabbing his wrist to pull him closer. He obliged and allowed you to place a light kiss on his cheek.

"Now will you be my boyfriend or will I have to convince you?" You whispered in his ear to tease him and could literally see the shiver go down his back as he stiffened.

When you pulled away, his eyes were half-lidded and you silently wondered if his dominant attitude translated romantically.

You didn't have to wonder long since he returned the favor and went even further, nibbling your ear lightly before placing butterfly kisses around your neck. "Maybe you'll have to convince me."

You laughed before wrapping your arms around his neck, quickly taking command and enveloping his lips against your's. However, you did not have it for long and the setter was quick to flip the positions and hover over you. He gave one his rare smiles and you felt one breaking out across you'rs, stretching from ear to ear. Shirabu, who was in no rush, descended back down to your silky lips - noses bumping and hands fisting into each other's hair. His grip was firm, but not tight enough to hurt. You moaned, unintentionally, and he took that as an invitation to lick the entrance to your cavern. You parted your lips quickly, eager to feel his tongue against yours. The rest of the day went by ignored, the two of you enveloped in each other's affection with not a single care in the world.

[nutty1005]

Xiao Zhan: Prepared, the Next Crossroads will be Clearer

Translator’s Note: This article comes from Harper’s Bazaar 2020 Feb Issue.

To Xiao Zhan, his encounters in the past few years are “Dreams come true” – or perhaps he can consider as “Lucky”, but what can only match it is his all-out effort and hard work. He believes that opportunity needs to come with luck and effort, he prepares himself so that the next crossroads will always be clearer. 

In the past 1 year, there are many things that Xiao Zhan could only describe as “surreal”.

“So nervous!” his doe-like eyes shining with light. “Miss Man created her own style in photography. There’s a familiarity looking at the layout when working with someone I know of since designer days, but the subject matter is actually me.” After saying this, he heaved a long sigh. Looking at a random point in front of him, he cannot help but smile – “It’s like a dream come true.”

“1 minute onstage equates to 10 years of effort offstage” 

During the recording of the recent variety show “Our Song”, Xiao Zhan had the same surreal experience. When singing with mentor singers such as Na Ying and Wakin Chau, he was slightly trance-like, because he grew up listening to these singers, being on the same stage with these God-tiered singers, he was naturally anxious and fearful, and he was on high alert every moment of the way.

“Singing with Na Ying on the first three episodes, I was so nervous that I can’t even, and more nervous during the rehearsals than the actual recording – worried that I would be off tune, my ears were working hard to pick up the harmonization.” He would not allow himself to make any mistake, worried that the mentors felt that he did not prepare himself seriously – singing perfectly is one thing, intentionally putting in effort is another.

Although the performances in the show were mostly old songs, he needed to put aside the deeply rooted impressions and re-learn the songs as well as the harmonizing sections. “I must make sure that I will not go off tune, as well as ensure that there are no conflicts when we harmonize… It is really very difficult.” His current schedule was being programmed down to the minutes, there was no time for proper practice, hence he used every scrap of available time to do so. After every new composition, he would listen to it repeatedly until he could memorize it, “I listened to the songs repeatedly using earphones while in the car, even if I’m asleep I’m still listening, somewhat like brainwashing style of learning.”

Xiao Zhan quietly observed every detail of his mentors – they not only chose songs that suited their vocal range, they would also decide based on the partner’s situation and the harmonizing effect; they would continuously communicate with the onsite music director and stage director during rehearsals, and make adjustments on their techniques on the spot. The flexibility in the mentors’ performances amazed him – a successful performance can only be based on the accumulation of stage experiences, and not rely on fluke.

He can still remember his nervousness when he first joined the talent show – his legs were heavy as lead, he almost could not move, and his hands were shaking nonstop. “The stage required self-confidence, but no matter whether there were fireworks onstage, or the performance could set the stage afire, the endless practices offstage must continue. When one has full confidence on what to do onstage, only then there will be a possibility to create a better stage sensation.

The mentors gave him a lot of tips on how to practice his vocals, including how to relax the vocal cords. “They have very professional experience, and what they have imparted to me are shortcuts that they have discovered and summarized.” Xiao Zhan was frequently caught pouting before his performances. “That is not ‘trying to act cute’, pouting and bloating the mouth to the maximum, and then suddenly relaxing, is one of the ways to quickly relax your mouth muscles, it is very helpful to reading lines or singing.”

If there were an important recording session or a stage performance, he would skip all meals after that day’s breakfast, in accordance to the principle 饱吹饿唱 (TN: A full stomach is good for playing wind instruments, an empty stomach is good for singing), “My condition is actually better when I am hungry, and hunger gives me more clarity.” Promoting his strengths and avoiding his weaknesses is another of his principle, “My vocals are more suited to ballads or fresh soothing songs, if it is a ballad, I have 70% confidence onstage, whereas some songs requires some explosive strength, which might not be suitable for me.”

The charm of the stage comes from the “moment”, he likes the fleeting sensation, no matter whether it is his own condition or the audiences’ reaction, these could not be replicated or repeated. “I will not watch my own performances repeatedly, whether it is good or not I know it in my heart, what is past I will let it past.”

“Hard work may not guarantee success, but if you don’t work hard, you definitely will not succeed”

Between singer and actor, Xiao Zhan does not feel that they are mutually exclusive. “Why must it be divided so clearly instead of having both at the same time? I remember that the idols we used to love in our youth were multi-talented, such as Chen Kun and Zhou Xun were commonly recognized as outstanding actors, but they could also sing nice songs like Half Moon Crescent 半月湾 and The Sea 看海. Why now it must be idol is idol, actor is actor, singer is singer? I don’t quite understand this, everyone is just doing what they are passionate about, isn’t it great if it’s done well?”

However, to be able to do everything “well”, it is not just dependent on talent or opportunity. There was once a trending topic on Weibo, exclaiming that even with Xiao Zhan’s qualities, he still considered his looks as “average”, his vocals as “natural”, and he felt that he was lucky to have had the opportunities, and to complement this luck, he could only reply on down-to-earth hard work.

His recent drama shoot “The Oath of Love” had finally come to an end. This was his first “real” contemporary drama, and felt nervous because he had already been accustomed to the shooting style, the wigs, the costumes and the lines of period drama, and now he had to perform as a modern person realistically and naturally. “After shooting a lot of period dramas, you will naturally come with a ‘style’, that is you can exaggerate a bit, emphasize on some parts of the lines or emotions.” He suddenly focused his attention and recited in the period drama style, “Master, shalt t beest liketh this the present day?” It definitely felt out of place in the makeup room piled with clothes. (TN: He said “Master, shall it be like this today?”, but to emphasize on the contrast, I used Shakespearean English.)

“No one will speak like this in our daily lives, I am working hard to remove this ‘style’, but it turns out to be quite difficult.” This type of natural flow is also quite different from being his real self. “When I am singing onstage, I am Xiao Zhan himself, the person who has lived for 20 plus years, but when I am acting, I have to become another person, and I will hesitate on many details – should I be holding the chopsticks like this? Is it suitable to take a sip of water after saying this line?”

When shooting “The Wolf”, he would write long essays on his acting thoughts after the end of the day’s shooting everyday. Although he did not maintain this troublesome step till now, he still maintained the habit to summarize his day. “At that time, it really felt like you are writing year end summaries everyday, multiple sections, and you still needed outlines. I will record down what I learnt today, what I did and didn’t do today, and what I want to accomplish next time round… very detailed.” Initially, this was based on the performance teacher’s requirements, but Xiao Zhan started to feel that these tiresome work were very helpful. “It is possible that some of the points will be forgotten by the end of the class, but if you record them down, if you don’t remember the details later on, by looking at them, you can recall the details.”

After learning from the performance teacher, he was able to truly understand that the expressiveness from both lines and body movement are just as powerful. “There was once during class, the teacher told me to read the lines with my eyes closed, and use different emotions to convey rage, happiness, sadness and unspeakable feelings. His final goal was to help me forget the baggage from lines, and to be unrestricted by technicalities.” The teacher tossed him the dictionary 新华字典, and said, “You will win if you finish reading this dictionary.”

Xiao Zhan believed that opportunity needs to come with luck and effort. When shooting “The Untamed”, he once felt that his condition the previous day was not good enough, and requested the director to reshoot the scene, but after the 4th or 5th take, the director said that the 1st take was still the best. “Human emotions are very mysterious – you would think that the more you give the better it becomes, but instead you could not repeat the initial most natural performance. The first take is always full of unknown, my partners and I do not know how much emotions we intend to inject into the scene; instead we stimulate each other, invoke the most real emotions; the latter takes already have the information from the previous takes, instead there are more predefined boundaries.”

Usually, before an important scene, the whole atmosphere of the scene would become very serious. “Sometimes I would think that I don’t want to think about other additional things, and put in all of my 100% effort in the scene, but instead be unable to perform. I still don’t have much acting experience, but I feel that you need to be relaxed performing, enjoy the performance, if you are on a tight rope, you won’t be able to act well.”

The director also told him that he needs to forgive himself, that art itself is something that is filled with the beauty of regrets. “If I can’t do better I would definitely feel depressed, but I always accept the existence of regret. There are limits to my abilities, but I will do my best, the existence of regrets is not an excuse, I still have to put in all of my efforts.”

Xiao Zhan understood this principle since his childhood days when he was learning how to draw. Some people are just better than any average person at drawing, and you just cannot surpass them. “The most important homework that everyone must do is to accept themselves, don’t have to feel depressed or hopeless when you see another person’s talents. The path everyone takes is different, we do not need to compare with others and feel hopeless, we just need to find what is suitable for us, and you also need to believe that hard work will compensate what you lack in talent. Yes, hard work may not guarantee success, but if you don’t work hard, you definitely will not succeed.”

“Commoner’s wish”

If the start of acting was just going with the flow, he now views it as the true goal to work towards, and something that he loves from the bottom of his heart. “The life of Xiao Zhan may not be able to experience all the wild and crazy things, now as a public character, I cannot let loose and live presumptuously,  vent my emotions as I like, but I can experience different lives in acting.”

It has only been just a month since the end of his previous drama shoot, but he already found himself restless and wanting to participate in the next piece of work. “It is this kind of desire, I just want to get into the next phase of life, I like the feeling of detachment from myself.”

However, he will always bid farewell to a role, and once again rejoin his life. In 2019, the name Xiao Zhan became one of the names that attracted the most attention. Although he rejects all kinds of characterization, and hoped that he can present his most natural and real self, he still received all kinds of projected imagery. The over-attention extended into his personal life and gave him some sense of insecurity, but he hoped that he could still have space to live as any common person – able to head out for a meal or watch a movie, keeping his common sense.

“Of course I will be more careful when it comes to conveying myself. I am actually very careful, now I represent not just Xiao Zhan as a person, but also my team, even if not for myself, there is no need to create any unnecessary trouble.” When he encounters any problems, he will usually digest it himself. “Frankly speaking, I also haven’t met much problems that I cannot resolve myself. But a lot of problems, what others can do is to give me some opinions, some direction, cheer you on, but they can’t really solve it for you. How to persist, how to overcome, it all depends on myself, because only I know what actually happened.”

He had not stopped flying this whole year, always hurrying, but he felt that, in principle, there were not much difference from his days as a designer. “Designers also had to always work overtime, now I could also relax on the weekends.” He had slight insomnia the night before the shoot, hence he dozed off during the make up, and only ate a few mouthfuls for breakfast and lunch – this is already his standard daily life. “This is just a phase, very difficult, but I have to tide over. And I don’t feel that this is something tough to do, I enjoy my work, and also enjoy the sense of security and fulfillment from a busy work schedule.”

He still has unlimited dreams, for example, having another hobby besides drawing, learning more about design, recently he is also thinking about learning a new instrument. “But sometimes what I want most is to go home or to the hotel and relax on the bed. What comes next, I’ll think about it when I get up.”

[jamaisjoons]

everythingoes | kth & jjk

Summary: He is all the things you feel when fireworks light up the night sky. But everything is momentary and everything fades, just like those very same fireworks.

Pairing: Fuckboy!Taehyung x Reader; Jungkook x Reader

Genre: ANGST, so much fucking angst, smut, (barely there) fluff

Word Count: 24k

Warnings: cheating, sweet taehyung being a dick (I’m sorry tiger cub, I love you), a toxic relationship, possessive Taehyung, sex while semi-intoxicated (they can still consent), oral (fem and male receiving), panty play? I think, taehyung with a monster schlong, deep throating, face fucking, dirty talk, breast play, very slight cock/body worship, face sitting/riding, squirting, cum eating, riding, taehyung having a crazy amount of stamina, hair pulling, multiple orgasms, spanking, forced orgasm, creampie, slight breeding kink

A/N: Highkey, I was listening to mono when I came up with this plot and then when I was typing a certain scene. I wonder if you can guess exactly what scene that is lmao. In other news, this AU fried my last remaining brain cell and honestly I just want to rest for three years. My fingers are practically number from typing. UNEDITED because I’m DONE with it (for now). I’ll edit when my brain cells regenerate

You sat in the corner of the lecture room, trying your hardest to focus on the reading material in front of you. Usually, you barely paid attention in lectures, preferring to scroll through social media. It wasn’t that you were a bad student, in most classes, you would pay attention. The sole reason for your lack of attention in this one class was due to the professor reading off the slides, word for word. She never explained anything further and therefore her lectures were as boring as boring could get. But it also meant that you could do what you want and not miss a single thing.

So why was it that you were trying so hard to pay attention, this particular lecture?

You heard a small giggle and stiffened in your seat, the sound causing the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up. You grit your teeth and slid further down into your seat, trying to make yourself as small as possible. Thatwas the reason for your sudden attention to the Professor’s material. You glared at the screen, trying your hardest to keep your eyes from wandering away from your screen. However, when a deep chuckle followed, you couldn’t help but chance a glance. It was almost as if you were drawn to the sound, completely ensnared by the deep throaty laugh. Almost like the temptation of a siren’s song.

And then it was as if you couldn’t look away.

Try as you might, you can’t seem to break your gaze away from him. No, instead you take in the sight of from your seat. You’re currently at the back of the lecturer room, as far into the corner as you could be and your seat gives you the perfect view of him. Or well, technically a perfect view of the back of his head and side profile. With a slight wave of nostalgia, you realise he’s growing out his hair again and there are signs of the cutest mullet. The locks by the nape of his neck stick out in different directions and for a brief moment you get irresistible urge to run your fingers through them. His hair, unlike two weeks ago, was bleached to a light shade of blonde and while you love his natural hair best, you can’t help but think he looks devilishly handsome.

You had met Kim Taehyung six years ago, when the both of you were sixteen. Of course, you had known of Taehyung throughout the entirety of your high school career. He was the highschool heartthrob, the most beautiful boy to walk the halls of Busan High. He had broken more hearts than you could count on your hands. Of course, that was more due to the sheer number of girls who were in love with him. It was almost impossible to not know who Kim Taehyung was. Despite his status, he was still loved by everyone and anyone. He was as charismatic and friendly as they come; traits that leant to his ‘heartthrob’ persona and sometimes you wondered how a sweetheart such as Taehyung had even managed to break hearts. The boy was a dork and as sweet as cotton candy.

You had never thought much of Taehyung, even in school. However, that had all changed one faithful day.

{Flashback: March 2013}

You were sitting in your art and photography class, staring out the window as you waited class to start. It was the middle of Spring and the plum blossoms had already bloomed, the roads completely littered with the petals. Even with the light wind, you could see the rustling of the branches, with each movement, more and more blush pink, delicate petals scattering in the air. You lose yourself in the scenic landscape for a couple more minutes. That is, until you’re cut out of your daydream by a series of giggles and you turn your attention to the girls sitting at the front of the class.

Their eyes are solely fixated on the boy walking through the door, a large boxy smile on his face, framed either side by his chubby cheeks. His large brown eyes are sparkling, uneven lids just adding to the subtle beauty that surrounds him. Kim Taehyung was the school heartthrob and for good reasons. He was even best friends with the school council president Park Jimin, the two as thick as thieves ever since Taehyung moved from Daegu to Busan. The girls continued giggling as they stared dreamily at Taehyung, their faces flushed lightly as they sent him their brightest smile.

Taehyung sent them both flirtatious winks, causing both of them to fluster, one even dropping her books. Taehyung let out a small chuckle before he bent over to pick them up, squatting down until he’s face to face with the girl. You watched as he slowly gathers the books into his hand before rising back to his full height. You keep your attention trained at him, eyes narrowed on his figure, watching as he hands the books over to the girl, fingertips brushing against hers before smiling at her cheekily. The girl lets out a small squeak, her hot red before she turns and quickly runs away. You roll your eyes at the cheesy exchange, sneering slightly at the girls before turning your attention back out the window.

Soon enough, class begins and your teacher drones on and on about still life drawings and the depth of emotion you can capture with them. He continues monotonously monologuing the ‘true’ nature of still art and it takes every single ounce of your control to resist the urge to scream. This was practically all he spoke about, and you understood it stemmed from his passion for still life (despite the complete lack of emotion in his voice); but at the same time, you’d rather learn about something else. Especially considering this was your fifth class about still life drawing.

Therefore, instead of paying attention, you continue ignoring the teacher; choosing to daydream as you stare out the window instead. You imagine yourself being somewhere far away from here, quite literally anywherebut here and before you know it, your teacher is dismissing you. You let out a sigh of relief as you begin packing up, shoving your books back into your bag before getting up to leave. However, as soon as you stood up, you come face to chest with someone. You tilt your head, eyebrow shooting into your hairline as you were met with Taehyung’s smiling face.

You reel back slightly, trying to put in some distance between you and the man, wondering what on earthhe could want with you. You look around the room slightly, confused by the baffling glares of all the girls who were also in your class. You sent them a sneer, causing them to let out a scoff before walking away, muttering something about how something or the other wasn’t fair. You briefly recognise the girl who had dropped her books earlier looking slightly disheartened, sending a longing glance towards Taehyung before looking at you with jealousy. You turn your attention back to Taehyung, raising your eyebrow once against.

“Is there something you need, Taehyung-ssi?” You asked and Taehyung’s face morphed into one of confusion.

“Were you paying attention ____-ssi? We’re partners” Taehyung replies and you almost choke, spluttering at him.

“What? Partners for what?” You splutter and Taehyung laughs at you, the noise deep and baritone and you wonder whatsixteen-year old’s voice is so deep. He sounds more like a man than anything.

“Miss Ahn partnered us up for the end of term project. We have two weeks to come up with what we want to do, art or photography wise” Taehyung replies cheerily and you nod along, finally understanding why the girls were angry at you. You let out a small sigh, this was surely going to cause problems. How were you and Taehyung supposed to work on a project for two weeks without you being murdered by his fan club? You silently pray to whatever god is out there, because you were sure you were going to need it.

“Alright, drop me your number and we can figure out when we need to meet and work on it. Have you thought of something you want to work on?” You ask and Taehyung nods eagerly as he punches his number into your phone.

“I’ve got a few ideas, one of them inspired by Van Gogh. However, I also want to do something photography related. But we can speak more about another day” Taehyung says and you nod swiftly.

“Alright perfect. I look forward to working with you Taehyung-ssi” You say more out of obligation and societal politeness than anything else and Taehyung’s only response is a large grin, a cheeky wink following as he turns to leave.

{End of Flashback}

That’s the first time you meet Taehyung. You had been expecting to work on a simple project and then both move on to your separate ways. What you didn’t expect is to genuinely enjoy his company over the next two weeks. Sure, his flirting was borderline excessive and ridiculous. But Taehyung was still fun to work with, especially when you realised how serious he was and how much he loved art. You didn’t expect to somehow grow attached and you especially didn’t expect for Taehyung to become your best friend. But, throughout working with him, you had realised that everyone was right. It was physically impossible to hate Taehyung; he was entirely too sweet. Suddenly, you understood exactly why all the girls would swoon over him.

Your lecturer continued droning on and on and you resisted the urge to face plant your desk out of misery. You were both in Art History, it was your minor and the only reason you had taken it was because you needed to make up the credits. You had always had a vagueinterest in art, but it could never measure up to Taehyung’s love for all things old, classic and artsy. You however, preferred academics and your major was chemistry. Why you had to take Art History to complete your Chemistry degree, you had no idea. But it was either Art History or Politics and you would ratherdiethan spend a single minute surrounded by pretentious conservatives who thought they knew how the world worked despite daddy’s money paying for everything.

The lecturer cracked a joke and you rolled your eyes from the back of the lecture hall, wishing the torture would just end. However, your attention is once again drawn by a deep chuckle, a sound that you could recognise anywhere. You watch Taehyung laugh with the rest of the class, his eyes sparkling with happiness and his lips pulled into a huge grin. His face fills you with nostalgia and you’re thrown back to the first time you questioned your previously platonic feelings for Taehyung.

{June 2014}

“____! Come on, just get in. I promise nothing will happen. You knowyou’re safest when with me” Taehyung pleads and you scoff at him, arms crossed around your chest as you eye him wearily. It’s been a good year since you befriended Taehyung. It had been a rocky start, especially considering Taehyung had tried to flirt with you constantly, despite you refusing his advances time and time again. However, eventually he had realised that you weren’t going to give in and had toned it down. Despite your art project ending, you had still kept in touch. But you could never have imagined that somehow, he’d have ended up as your best and closest friend. You trust Taehyung with your entire life. Figuratively. But as he stands there in front of you, a pout on his lips and his eyes pleading as he holds out car keys, his newly gifted car behind him, you wonder if you couldquite literallytrust Taehyung with your life.

You’re still seventeen, but Taehyung is older than you and he’s just completed his eighteenth birthday, which means that legallyTaehyung is allowed to drive. And with that, comes a test of how much you actuallytrust him. On a good day, he has your complete, unfaltering trust. But today, you’re not so sure. Because he’sjustpassed his test and you aren’t sure whether you want to get in a car with him, where he’s behind the wheel. Especially at night time, when the roads are dark and barely lit.

But Taehyung is insistent. He wants the first person he drives to be you and it has to be now, at night, because he’s driving his mother to the airport the next day. He continuously pleads and when he lets out a small whine; you give in, throwing your hands in the air. Taehyung yelps in victory, fist pumping through the air before opening your door like the gentleman he is. As soon as you get in, you buckle up; Taehyung getting into his own seat, grinning at you widely. He’s entirely too giddy and you wonder what you’re getting into. He’s got something planned and you know it as well as you know the back of your own hand.

“What?” You ask, and Taehyung lets out a little giggle. He reaches over you and rummages through the glove box before pulling something out.

“Okay, so you know, how the other day, RM dropped his new mixtape Mono? And how we said it’d be perfect to listen to on a night drive?” Taehyung says and you quirk an eyebrow, nodding slightly. He lifts up the album he pulled out and your eyebrows shoot up. So, he hadbeen planning something.

“God damn it, I should have known you were planning something. You don’thave to drop your mother to the airport, tomorrow do you? This is all just some elaborate plan for you to rope me into doing dumb shit with you at midnight” You whine, pointing an accusatory finger at Taehyung and you internally cheer victoriously when Taehyung throws his hands up in defeat, a sheepish smile on his face.

“Okay, okay, you caught me! But I didwant you to be the first person I drove. Also, today is a beautiful night and I want to show this with you. Come on, ____ pretty please? For me?” Taehyung pouts and as soon as his lip quivers you know you are done for. You let out an infuriated scream, tugging your hair in frustration before smacking the dashboard. Taehyung watches you with an amused smile and you resist the urge to lean over and throttle him. Because both of you know exactlywhat Taehyung’s puppy dog look does to you. How was anyonesupposed to resist him when he was flashing his wide brown eyes, plush lips pulled into a perfected pout?

“Fuck! Fine! Fine, just fucking drive. But I just want you to know, if we die, I’m haunting your ass forever” You threaten and Taehyung grins brightly before turning the key and starting the ignition. A small sense of dread fills you when Taehyung slightly revs the engine, one hand on the gear stick. You dotrust Taehyung to keep you safe, because he was right, you weresafest when with him. However, Taehyung was known to be slightly reckless and you didn’t put it past him to suddenly speed down the motorway.

“Alright babe, get ready for the best night of your life” Taehyung says with a wink and you jokingly gag at his words. Even though you were both best friends, Taehyung still threw his lame pickup lines or ‘smooth’ moves on you every now and then ‘To keep you on your toes’ he claimed, but you both knew he just enjoyed riling you up. Plus, it was more out of habit than anything, because at 18, Taehyung is somehow a bigger flirt than he was at 17. You theorise that perhaps it’s to do with his newfound growth spurt, making his already tall stature even taller.

Taehyung shifts the gear and slowly begins reversing, one hand around the back of your seat as he turns around, making sure the space behind him his clear through the rear window. Once you’re out of the drive, Taehyung shifts gears once again and presses down on the accelerator and suddenly the two of you are driving down the empty roads of Busan.

“Come on Iris, play the CD” Taehyung says and you hope Taehyung doesn’t hear the sharp intake of breath. He had begun calling you Iris three months into your friendship, the nickname solely reserved for you. You had questioned him many times as to why he called you that, but each time the explanation changed. The first was because according to him, ‘Irises’ was his favourite painting by Vincent Van Gogh; however, you knew that to be false because his favourite painting was ‘Starry Night over the Rhône’. The second time you asked, he had said it was because irises were a beautiful flower and somehow, they just suited you, even ifyour favourite flower were chrysanthemums. The third time you ask, he finally admits it’s because Iris is the god of Rainbows and irises are purple. The last colour of the rainbow. He says the colour signifies how you’d be together forever. Just you and him. You liked that idea.

“Iris? ____? You okay?” Taehyung asks and you blink owlishly as he pulls you out of your reverie. You shake your head slightly, smiling sheepishly as you slot the CD into the player. You turn the volume up slightly and you hear the soft sound of a car driving on the road begin before the loud chiming as ‘Tokyo’ starts playing, the soft sound of the piano filling the car. RM’s deep, but low husky voice begins and you’re slowly plunged into the calm of the atmosphere.

It’s completely dark outside as it’s nearing 1am, and neither you nor Taehyung speak as he navigates expertly through the streets of Busan. You lean your head against the window, condensation slightly blurring your view. But even then, you can still make out the dim lights of the stars and moon as they shine above you, the city lights drowning them out. However, the further you drive, the more you notice them as they slowly become brighter and brighter, and suddenly; when you can see them clearly, you realise that Taehyung has driven you far from the city.

The two of you are on a road by the beachside, the lights of the city now faint and behind you. You can faintly hear the crashing of the ocean waves on the beach as you race through empty roads. You startle slightly as you breathe in the crisp, slightly salted air, wondering when Taehyung had rolled down the windows. A part of you wonders how long you were staring out the window, completely lost in your thoughts. ‘uhgood’ is currently playing and with a startling realisation, you recognize it being the fourth time it’s been played, which means you’ve been driving for more than an hour. You glance at the clock in the car, eyes widening at the display. How was it already nearing 2am? The drive barelyfelt like twenty minutes, how had a complete two hours passed?

You turn back to Taehyung, opening your mouth to say something about turning back but instead you’re utterly floored by the view you’re met with. Taehyung is completely focused on the road, his grip on the steering wheel loose. He looks at ease, a soft smile on his face as the mixtape continues playing in the background. The wind slowly rustles through his hair, the susurrus noises only adding to the stillness of the atmosphere surrounding you. You’re almost captivated by how beautiful he is. He always has been. You know this. It is not an opinion but a mere fact. Because Taehyung isbeautiful. But seeing him now, you’re almost pulled into a trance.

Taehyung has grown up the last year, he’s lost some of his chubbiness, but you can still see hints around his cheekbones. His jaw is slightly more angled now and his features sharp, especially his eyes as they twinkle with mischief. The soft glow of the moonlight highlights his high cheekbones, his tan skin softly glowing, the darkness completely encasing him; almost as if it’s highlighting him in the low light. His hair is softly blowing in the wind, the dark locks slightly ruffled and simply adding to his charm. From your angle, you can see his long thick eyelashes brush against his cheeks every time he blinks. Right here, right now, Taehyung is the most gorgeous creature you have ever seen or could ever know. You don’t think he could get anymore stunning.

And then he turns to you.

And he smiles.

Your breath hitches slightly, the large grin pushing up his cheeks and emphasizing the slight chubbiness he still has with him, thanks to his grandmother’s constant mission to keep him well fed and healthy. His boxy smile stirs something in you and then he winks and applies more pressure onto the accelerator, speeding up. You know you should be slightly worried; it’s dark and Taehyung is speeding. But you’re so caught up in how breath-taking he looks that you fail to reprimand him. Instead, you drown further into him.

“You alright Iris?” Taehyung asks, his voice deep and husky and you have no idea why, but your heart achesat his words.

“I’m fine Tae, just fine” You breathe out, hoping he doesn’t notice the slight breathlessness to your voice. Especially when he moves his hand from the back of your seat to take your hand in his, squeezing it slightly.

{End of Flashback}

You scoff at your past self, wishing desperately that you could go back in time and rewind everything. That was the day you began falling for your best friend. A huge cliché, you were aware. But how could you notfall for Taehyung? He was almost perfect. However, Taehyung didn’t date. He was a flirt and a fuckboy through and through. You knew this better than anyone. You had always thought you’d be immune to it, but how the mighty have fallen. You smiled bitterly as you pondered your very much unrequited love for your best friend. Best friend. You continue perusing Taehyung, your heart plummeting in your chest.

Sometimes it hurt just looking at him.

You could still clearly remember the day you had the startling realisation that you were in love with your best friend. It was almost four years ago, when the two of you had just graduated from highschool.

{Flashback July 2015}

“Iris, come on sweet, it’s our last night as highschool students! We can’tmiss this” Taehyung whines and you ignore the way your heartbeat slightly speeds up at his nickname.

“God Taehyung, why are you dragging me along? It’s not as if you’ll actually be with me the night anyway” You glare at him and Taehyung looks at you in both surprise and confusion.

“____, why would I not be with you?” Taehyung asks and you let out a little scoff. You knew Taehyung like the back of your hand. You had been best friends for almost two years now and you’d like to think you knew exactly what would happen at the celebratory bonfire for seniors. Taehyung would spend twenty minutes with you, keeping you company and making sure you were alright. But then, he’d find himself a girl and chase after her and then he’d disappear. Like he always did.

“Tae come on, we both know you’re going to leave the minute you find a girl you want to fuck” You sneer and as soon as the words are out, you wonder why they leave a bad taste in your mouth. Or why your stomach churns at the thought of Taehyung with another girl.

“God ____, I know I’m usually like that, but I’m not going to ditch you tonight of all nights. If I promise to stay with you, will you come?” Taehyung pouts and you narrow your eyes at him slightly. Taehyung only deepens his pout and you let out a sigh of defeat, Taehyung grinning when he hears it. You silently berated yourself, wondering why he had so much power over you. Why was it that a singlepout always had you doing his bidding? It was as if he did it and cast a spell on you, making sure you always bent to his whims.

“Fuck, fine! But if you leave me Kim Taehyung, I swear to any god out there, I willfind you and castrate you. Whether you’re balls deep in the girl or not” You threatened, Taehyung wincing slightly before wrapping his arms around you, hugging you tight to his body.

“Gods Iris, I promise not to leave you. I just wanna spend the night having fun with my best friend” Taehyung promises, placing a soft kiss onto your temple and silently you wonder just what you’ve gotten yourself into.

A couple hours later, you find yourself sitting beside a bonfire, surrounded by various other people in your year who are graduating with you. True to his word, Taehyung has refused to leave your side; even when girls come over to try and lure him from you. Taehyung, however, obediently stays by your side. Which is why, you find yourself seated on the grass, Taehyung sitting behind you on one of the makeshift seats. Your back is pressed tightly against his chest, one of his arms is loosely thrown around your body and this you’re completely encompassed by his warmth. You’re so close to Taehyung that you can feel the deep rumbles of his laughter more than you can hear it.

“I can’t believe we’re finally graduating from this hell hole of a school. I honestly didn’t even think we’d make it this far” Park Jimin, Taehyung’s other best friend and self-proclaimed soulmate laments and you roll your eyes at him, throwing some grass at him.

“Agreed on the hell hole, but didn’t you love school? You were one of the best students in our year, not to mention school president ever since you set foot in Busan High” You teased and Jimin looks at you with wide eyes, full of shock and mock betrayal.

“Hey! Just because I excelled at school, doesn’t mean I didn’t think it was a hell hole. I can’t wait to go to university and study dance. Goodbye maths, goodbye science” Jimin cheers victoriously and you snort at him.

“Weren’t you top of the class in maths and science?” You snicker and Jimin slams the ground with his small palms in mock rage, pointing at you accusatorily.

“YAH! Stop pocking holes in my story and let me whine in peace” Jimin yells and you snicker.

“Sorry Jiminie, please Mr. School President, tell us all about how much you hated school and are glad to be moving onto university” You tease and this time Jimin turns to Taehyung.

“Yah, Taehyung, control your girl” Jimin complains and you immediately freeze, wondering why your heart skips a beat and begins racing at the speed of hummingbird wings. You except Taehyung to rebuff and correct Jimin, but all he does is chuckle and you can feel the deep baritone sound against your back; the feeling only serving to speed up your heartbeat further.

“Iris does whatever she wants Jiminie, if I can’t stop her teasing me, I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop her teasing you” Taehyung chortles and you wince slightly, your skin suddenly feeling very flushed.

“Hey! It’s started!” Someone calls out, pointing up at the sky. All your attention is drawn towards the sky and this time, your breath is taken away by the beautiful display of sparks lighting up the sky. The intense kaleidoscopic display fills up the entire night sky, loud booms and high whistling filling the night air as they continuously go off. Hues of every shade fill your vision, blues, greens, oranges, reds, golds and so many more and you completely lose yourself in this sight of it all.

“____, look! It’s so beautiful! Hey, that one was purple and yellow, those are our favourite colours!” Taehyung says, bouncing with delight. Your face softens slightly. No matter how old he got, Taehyung never lost his childlike innocence and playfulness. You feel his giddiness course through your veins and it only causes your heart to flutter more. You try and focus on the lights, aweing and oohing along with everyone else. But then, Taehyung wraps his arms tighter around your body, pulling you closer into his embrace and briefly you feel him nuzzle his nose in your hair; breathing in your scent, but you’re positiveyou’ve made it up. And  then, he says something that has you breaking out of your stupor.

“I’m glad you’re here with me. I wouldn’t want to share this with anyone else” Taehyung whispers into your hair and you snap your head to face him, almost giving yourself whiplash. However, when you come face to face with him, his attention is already back on the sky. But now, your attention is solely focused on him.

His skin glows in the dim amber flames of the bonfire, and every now the flashes of the fireworks illume him even more. For the second time in your life, you’re completely floored by how trulybeautifulKim Taehyung is. Once again, your heart aches but this time you know exactly how you feel. Because for an entire year now you’ve questioned whether your feelings were completely platonic. And now, in this very moment, with the prismatic explosion of colour in the background, you sincerely understand the depth of the emotions you feel for your best friend. Taehyung is all the things you feel when fireworks illuminate the sky.

You finally realise, that you are completely, utterly and irrevocably in love with Kim Taehyung.

{End of Flashback}

After that day, your relationship with Taehyung had somewhat changed. Not on his end obviously, but more on yours. Every time he did something sweet, your heart would cinch. Every compliment, every flirtatious comment, every term of endearment, drove you wild. There were times you wanted to scream and run, there were times when you wanted to grab him by the collar and kiss him senseless, confessing your love for him. But instead, you kept everything bottled up and loved him from far.

There is very little you wouldn’t give to go back in time to that very moment and yell at yourself to not do it. To not fall in love with him. Taehyung had never had a relationship. He was always a lone fuckboy who spent more time running from commitment than he did between girls’ legs. Which, considering just howmany people he’d bedded, was a lotof time running from commitment. There was a time, when Taehyung was a hopeless romantic. A time when he dreamt about meeting the one and falling in love. A time when he spent dreaming about a marriage, children and a white picket fence. That had all changed when his parents had split up and his entire world had crashed around him, leaving a disillusioned boy with major commitment and trust issues.

Taehyung never being in a relationship had made life so much easier for you. Sure, you had to deal with him sleeping around, but you never had to deal with him being in love or seeing someone else. For a very long time, the only constant female in Taehyung’s life was you. Secretly, you had loved it because it meant, that in a weird twisted way, Taehyung was yours and only yours. The girl he ran to with problems, the girl he took on ‘dates’, the girl he spent valentines with. Every important moment was spent with you. You were the one he always ran to at the end of the day and you had loved it, cherished it. Held it close to your heart.

But nothing lasted forever. Everything was fleeting and a couple years after falling in love with him, you soon realised that Taehyung’s solo career was also temporary.

{Flashback November 2017}

You sit on the sofa, casually flicking through the different films and series on Netflix, looking for something, anythingto watch and cure your boredom as you slurp on ramen aka your very nutritious and filling dinner for the night. Note your sarcasm. But, it’s what student life was like and you were entirely too poor to complain about it. You’re in your shared flat with Jimin and Taehyung but both boys have made themselves scarce. Jimin had left for dance practice twenty minutes ago and Taehyung had been out the entire day.

Deadline season was quickly approaching, which meant that Taehyung had become desperate to find a model for his photography project, especially after putting off the assignment for a month. You had offered and he’d almost taken you up on your offer, until someone finally responded to his flyer. He had quickly apologised for almost ‘forcing’ you into working with him, kissed your forehead and had then run out. A part of you had felt dejected but you quickly brushed those feelings off. And now here you were, all by your lonesome, scrolling endlessly through Netflix. Ten minutes later, you’re ready to give up and head to bed, when the door bursts open and Taehyung enters.

You regard him with weariness, wondering why he looks so happy. His eyes are sparkling and his lips are pulled into a wide smile. His shoulders are shaking, he’s giddy, and full of that childlike exuberance you love so much and despite yourself, somehow, he manages to cause you to fall in love all over again. A feat you thought completely impossible. And yet, there he was proving you wrong all over again. He walks up to you and throws himself on the sofa next to you. You raise an eyebrow at him and briefly wonder why he’s so happy.

“The best thing happened to me. I think I’m cured” Taehyung says cheerily and now you’re definitely intrigued. What could have happened in the few hours that he was gone to get him so happy? You hadn’t ever seen him like this, at least, not since the divorce.

“I take it, your photography project went well? Got all the shots you needed?” You ask and Taehyung nods enthusiastically, but you sense it’s more than that.

“Oh, what is it? Why are you so excited? And cured of what?” You ask, but now, looking back, you wished you had left. You wished you had gone to bed earlier. You wished you had been his model because nothingcould have prepared you for the words that spilled out his mouth next.

“It went more than well. There’s a girl in our Art History class, I don’t know if you’ve heard of her, but her name is Choi Hyorin. She’s the one that answered my ad” Taehyung begins and dread begins pooling in your stomach. You want to wave it off because Taehyung’s always been surrounded by girls, but they’ve never lasted more than a one-night stand. You want to think that the dread is because he’s about to go into detail about his little rendezvous but deep down, you know it’s more than that.

“I think I’ve heard of her; she’s the one with the small face, big eyes and long black hair, right?” You ask and Taehyung nods enthusiastically.

“Yes! So, we did a few shots, and I don’t know how I never noticed how cute she was. We spent the entire day going around looking for the best place to take the photos. We went to parks, graffitied buildings, rooftops. Anywhere with aesthetic shots and I shit you not, everypicture was beautiful. And she’sso beautiful, not to mention funny and oh my gods, ____, we have the exact same interests! I’ve never met anyone like her, we just clickedand never once did I even think of fucking and ditching her. We click on so many things, she loves blues, RnB and jazz, her favourite artist is Van Gogh and she loves H.E.R. as well. I loved spending every moment with her and we’re even meeting again in a couple days to head to that jazz night in the karaoke bar” Taehyung gushes and rants and each and every word is like a dagger to your quickly plummeting heart. You feel like your entire world is falling apart and you want nothing more than to run into your room and cocoon yourself in your sheets and never come out again, but Taehyung continues ranting and raving about how amazing she was and how she has the cutest laugh, and the way her eyes sparkle in the setting sun and the way she feels against him. He goes on and on for what feels like hours and you can do nothing more than smile and nod, despite how much your heart is breaking; because you are nothingbut his best friend and it’s your job to listen to him.

He doesn’t know what you feel for him.

He doesn’t know how much he owns your heart.

He doesn’t know that his next words break that very same heart.

“____, I’m telling you. I’ve never felt like this about anyone in my entire life. I… I honestly believe she’s the one. I think she’s the girl of my dreams. I know I’ve sworn of love and relationships because of my parents… but I think she’s the girl to heal those wounds. I think, if it’s her, I can truly love again. Am I crazy?” Taehyung asks, looking at you in wide eyed wonder and you take in a shuddering deep breath. You bottle all your feelings for him and give him your best, brightest smile despite how much it feels like an elephant has stomped all over your chest and you hug him.

“Of course, not Taehyung. If you honestly feel like that, then I’m sure you’re not crazy. I’m glad you found someone that makes you happy” You choke out, internally cheering at how level your voice is. Despite everything, you’re not lying. You areglad he’s found someone. Because even if you were in love with him, at the end of the day, you were his best friend.

And Taehyung’s happiness always comes first.

{End of flashback}

The giggle you heard before once again fills the room and you sink further into your seat. You try hard to block out Hyorin’s giggles, especially since she’s the reason you’re trying to focus on the dreaded lecture notes but it’s hard to do so, especially when it’s followed by Taehyung’s deep chuckles. It’s been fifteen months since Hyorin and Taehyung became a couple. Fifteen whole months of nothing but heartbreak, fake smiles and unrequited love. You had tried so very hard to get over Taehyung, you had dated, fallen into your own trysts of one-night stands, hell you even tried Tinder in a desperate attempt. But no one had ever compared to Taehyung. None of them were as exciting or stole your breath like he did. And so, after ten months, you had given up all hope of ever moving on and instead accepted your condemned fate of forever being in love with your best friend.

However, it had become slightly easier. Despite the tumultuous love you felt for Taehyung, it had become easier. But not because you were accepting of his love for Hyorin. It had become easier because ever since they had gotten together, you and Taehyung had become distant. You had once been the only constant female in Taehyung’s life, but that had changed when he and Hyorin became exclusive. Suddenly, that position was no longer reserved for you, but for her.

Now he spent valentine’s day with her, he took her on dates, he bought her meaningful Christmas gifts, spent his birthday with her and only her. She was the girl he now ran to and the girl who dealt with his problems. It hadn’t started out like that, he had made a lot of time for you. Promised things would never change and that you’d always be the number one girl in his life. But that was the thing about relationships. When a new person was added, it always changed. There was no way it couldn’t. He had tried. He really had and you couldn’t fault him for it. Because he hadtried to balance you both, but at the end of the day, she always took precedence and slowly, you began drifting.

He spent less time with you, and spent more time with her. He spent less time speaking and texting you, and spent more time texting and speaking to her. And now, he spent more time at her apartment than he spent in the home he shared with you and Jimin. You lived with Taehyung and yet the most you’d seen him was in your shared Art History class. And yet, you couldn’t fault him for anything because she’s the one. You watch as he throws his arm around her shoulder, pulling her in closer to him. You see the way he smiles at her, his eyes filled with nothing but adoration. You see it all.

Taehyung is completely, utterly and irrevocably in love.

But not with you.

“Gods, are you okay, ____? You look a right mess” Jimin says as he enters your room and you glare at him.

“I’m fine Jimin, what do you want?” You ask and Jimin shrugs, entering your room and sitting on your bed. Ever since you moved in with him and Taehyung, you and Jimin had grown a lot closer. Sure, your friendship never matched the one you had with Taehyung, but you were close nevertheless.

“Nothing really, Taehyung is out with Hyorin and I’m bored. That’s like the fifth time this month he’s ditched me for her” Jimin pouts and you wince slightly because the last thing you want right now, especially since Taehyung hadn’t even madeplans with you for over three weeks.

You quieten down and become maudlin. Distance with Taehyung is something you have become awfully familiar with. Something you never thought you’d have to become familiar with. But you’re feeling particularly morose today and you’re plunged into the ‘what ifs’. What if you had confessed to Taehyung, what if youhad modelled for his art project instead of Hyorin. What if you had never met him?These are the thoughts that fill your head currently. What ifs are dangerous territory and your thoughts only serve in causing you to sink further into heartbreak. You miss Taehyung. You miss the friendship dates, you miss visits to cafes and museums, you miss his stupid pickup lines and flirtatious comments. But most of all, you miss him. You miss your best friend more than anything.

“You look like you’re about to cry” Jimin says, breaking you out of your thoughts and you suck in a sharp breath, blinking away the tears in your eyes. When had you even began welling up?

“Should I call Taehyung?” Jimin asks and you quickly shake your head, curling your fists around your sheets are you tried to get your emotions back in check.

“Please don’t” You whisper and Jimin hums in thought.

“Because he’s the reason you’re crying?” Jimin asks and you snap your head towards him. Your breath hitches in fear as you stare at him in wide eyed panic but Jimin just shrugs nonchalantly, sending you a knowing look.

“Please, I know how you feel about him. Everyone knows it. You know it, I know it, the entire campus knows it. The only person who doesn’t is Taehyung” Jimin says and you let out a choked sound, trying to find the words to deny his claims.

“Please don’t try and deny it. Don’t insult my intelligence like that. Everyone knows.And yes, that everyone includes Hyorin” Jimin replies and your eyebrows furrow.

“What do you mean?” You ask and Jimin lets out a bemused chuckle.

“Why do you think you and Taehyung have barely been spending time together? She knew and she was jealous. She knew you loved him and she knew that Taehyung and your friendship was something special. So, she tried to monopolise his time as much as possible. And surprise, surprise it worked. There were times he wanted to hang out with you, but she asked him on those days and he said yes. It only worked because you were so willing to let him go. Because at some point, you stopped fighting her for his time and attention” Jimin said and you stammer, unsure of what to make of things.

“Y-You mean he chose her? Over me? As in, there were days when he wanted to spend time with me, but chose to spend time with her instead?” You ask, fearing his answer.

“I guess you could see it like that yeah” Jimin says and despair fills your ever fibre. You had always assumed that Taehyung’s distance had been because he was consumed by Hyorin. You had never once thought that Taehyung if given the option to spend time with you, Taehyung would still choose her. Mainly because you thought you meant more to him than that. You let out a small sob, tears welling in your eyes and Jimin looks at you sadly.

“I’m sorry ____. But I have watched you be in love with my idiot of a best friend for years. And he was too stupid to realise he loved you too” Jimin says sadly and you snort,  looking at him in cynicism.

“Oh yeah, Taehyung in love with me. Please Jimin, next joke” You sneer out and Jimin lets out a humourless laugh.

“Please. He did. I know he did. Every time you’d sleep with someone, or date someone, he’d get angry and overprotective. There were times when he even threatened guys to stay away from you. You don’t do that for justa best friend. He loved you. He loves you. He’s just too much of an idiot to see it but when he and Hyorin break up, he’ll realise how much he loves you and what he lost. Trust me” Jimin says and you shake your head, sneering once again.

“Please don’t lie to me Jimin, he never loved me and never could. I’m not her” You reply, your tone full of defeat and Jimin lets out a shriek of frustration.

“Stop that! I know Taehyung. I know him better than anyone and that may not include you, but your judgement is clouded by your feelings. I have watched you idiots be in love with each other for so long. But Hyorin comes and Taehyung being theidiothe is decides to think with his dick and convince himself he’s in love with her when he’s not. I have watched you love him this entire time, I have watched him break your heart. I have watched him slowly destroy you and turn you into the shell of a person you once were. And I’m tired. I love him but I’m sorry to say that your love is wasted on him. He doesn’t deserve it. You are a beautiful, vibrant girl. A girl whose love is better spent on someone else. It’s time you moved on” Jimin rants and you scoff at him.

“Easy for you to say that. I’ve tried that and it didn’t work” You sneer and Jimin shakes his head. He get up and heads to your closet; you watch in confusion as he pulls out an outfit and lays it on your bed.

“Well you’re going to try again. Get up and shower, we’re going out. I’m not going to sit by and watch you slowly break apart anymore. I care about you too much for that” Jimin says and you let out a small sigh.

“Jimin it’s not going to work. I’ve tried the getting under someone else approach” You say and he looks at you in annoyance.

“Well you’re going to try harder. I’m not taking no for an answer. Get up and shower. Now” Jimin’s tone is final and you know him well enough to know that you’re not winning this battle. So, you let out a small groan and grab the clothes he’d laid out, grumbling to yourself as you pop into the shower.

“Cheers!” Jimin says, clinking his shot glass against yours before you wrap your lips around the rim and down it in one go. You wince slightly at the taste of tequila searing down your throat before shaking your head. You were already four shots deep and the alcohol was blurring your mind, the haze surrounding you and making you feel happier and lighter than you had in a while. You still have your wits about you and you’re nowhere close to being drunk but it’s enough to take off the nervous edge. The music was pounding in your ear drums and you could feel the bass vibrate through your entire body, your hips moving slowly to the rhythm despite yourself.

“Alright, let’s find you someone to go home with” Jimin says, the two of you turning around to scout the different guys.

“What about him?” You point out and Jimin shakes his head.

“That’s Jung Hoseok, he’s a year above me and in my dance classes. He’s seeing someone called Sooyun or something” Jimin says and you sigh before you continue looking around.

“How about him?” You ask pointing out another guy.

“Yoongi-hyung? No, he’s gay and probably dragged here by Hoseokie-hyung. Why do we know so many people who are here?” Jimin asks with a sigh and you giggle.

“Because this club is popular in our university. Hey, how about that guy?” You say, pointing out to someone else.

“Ah, Kim Yugyeom. He’s also in my dance class but he’s single and loves to sleep around. No strings attached and from what I’ve heard a good lay. Go for it” Jimin says and you smile brightly at him before looking swigging your next shot. You begin walking towards him and soon he spots you walking towards him. He gives you a wide grin and winks, and before you know it, you’re face to chest with the tall boy. Yugyeom immediately grips you by the waist and begins moving his hips, body rolling against you.

The way he moves is sinful and you throw caution to the wind. You close your eyes and grind against him, head thrown just under his shoulder as you move your ass against his hips. Yugyeom’s hands move to your hips and his fingertips grip onto them, fingers bruising. He swirls his hips particularly hard, pressing his crotch against your ass as his lips trail along your neck, pressing soft kisses against it. You let out a moan that gets lost in the noise of the club but Yugyeom feels the vibration. He spins you around, arm wrapping around your back as he continues grinding against you. His lips slowly begin descending on yours and just when they meet, you’re roughly pulled apart.

You turn around in shock and your eyes widen when you’re met face to face with a very angry Taehyung. He’s glaring at the slightly taller man before pushing Yugyeom off of you. You splutter, unsure what to say and frantically look around for Jimin but he’s nowhere to be seen. Taehyung grabs you by the wrist and begins pulling you out of the club. You try to break free but Taehyung turns around and glares at you and immediately you feel weak and dejected. You allow him to slowly drag him out of the club. He hails a taxi and puts you in before getting in on the other side. The entire drive is tense and you have so many questions. But instead, you sit in silence, stewing over the events. The more time passes and the more time you have to think about it, only serves to make you angry. You were so ready to move on and he just had to ruin it. Where did he even come from? Wasn’t he with Hyorin in the first place?

You soon reach your apartment building and the two of you get out. Taehyung walks ahead of you, stalking into the building, simply expecting you to follow him. You glare at his back in anger, stomping after him and with each step to your shared flat, your anger rises. Soon, you’re stood in front of your flat door, glaring daggers into Taehyung’s back as you seethe. If looks could kill, he’d be dead thrice over. He unlocks the door and opens it with a slam, beckoning you in with a look. You stomp inside throwing your purse onto the table before turning around and pointing at him.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing Kim Taehyung?” You seethe, your voice barely above a whisper. The shots are taking more effect and you’re feeling bold enough to fight with him.

“Saving you. What the fuck were you doing there? I went out with some friends, I didn’t expect you to be there. Why were you dancing with Yugyeom? Do you not know he’s a fuckboy?” Taehyung asks and you scoff.

“Yes I did! I was tryingto fuck him! What is it to you?” You shriek and Taehyung sneers at you.

“That’s not who you are. You don’t just fuck around” Taehyung jeers and you have the irresistible urge to throttle him.

“That’s fucking rich coming from you. You used to do it all the fucking time. Suddenly, I’m not allowed to sleep around?” You throw back and Taehyung reels, his eyes turning into slits.

“Don’t you dare. It was different with me. You don’t get to sleep around” Taehyung says and your eyes widen, body shaking with rage.

“Excuse me? Who the fuck do you think you are? You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do. If I want to sleep with the next fifty guys I see, I damn well will. Who the fuck are you to tell me no?” You scream and Taehyung slams his fist on a table.

“I’m your best fucking friend! I can’t stand seeing you with others. Especially when they don’t fucking deserve you” Taehyung shouts and you sneer.

“Abest friend. Justa best friend Kim Taehyung. So news flash, that means you don’t get to decide who is good for me or not. I decide that. You being my best friend doesn’t mean you get to tell me who I fuck. And you can’t keep boys away from me forever. If I want to fuck Yugyeom I will. Hell, Jimin knows him. I could still ask him for Yugyeom’s number” You say with a mocking tone, daring him to challenge you.

“Oh, I don’t fucking think so. Not if I have any say in it” Taehyung says, stalking towards you, his eyes glinting in the low light.

“Well, you don’tfucking have a say in it. Now move out of my way” You say, and Taehyung growls at you.

“I said no. You’re not fucking Yugyeom” Taehyung grits out, teeth clenched.

“WHY THE FUCK NOT?” You scream and Taehyung pushes you up against the wall, his breathing heavy as he glares down at you.

“Because you’re fucking mine” Taehyung growls and you freeze in shock but you don’t have enough time to process his words because the next moments, his lips are locked against yours. Taehyung’s hands pinned yours against the wall his other hand wandering all over your body as he kissed you fervently. You moan in response, breaking out of his grasp as his other hand moves to hold your cheek, your own hands tangling into Taehyung’s hair and tugging on it, pulling him closer towards you.

This was wrong. You knew this was wrong, but Jimin’s previous words about Taehyung being in love with you and his possessiveness had given you a small inkling of hope; and with every kiss and soft moan, that small inkling was building into a raging fire. He tasted of soju and coffee, the taste almost intoxicating. You know that alcohol was most likely clouding both your judgement, and that Taehyung was very much in a relationship. But with every passing moment locked in his embrace, those doubts and warnings disappeared, leaving you with nothing but a racing heart and a stomach full of heat. You pressed your body against Taehyung’s, pressed your lips harder against his as you poured out all your feelings into the kiss.

Taehyung let out a soft growl before reaching behind your back and unzipping your dress. He let it fall to the ground, the dress pooling around your feet, leaving you in your semi-soaked panties and no bra. You attempted to kick off your heels but Taehyung growled his disagreement and you let out a small giggle. You jumped up slightly, Taehyung easily catching you as you wrapped your legs around his waist, grinding your cloth-covered core against his own hardened cock. Taehyung let out a soft whine before he carried you towards your bedroom; your lips quickly breaking apart as he trailed kisses down your neck.

He tossed you onto the bed, before kneeling beside you. He stared down at you with intense dark eyes, eyes flitting over your body. You were flushed underneath him, your chest heaving as you breathed heavily, attempting to get your breathing under check. His eyes traced your body, from your collarbones, across your chest, groaning when your nipples hardened under his stare, forming twin peaks. He continued his perusal off your body, down your stomach and towards your hips and thighs. Your knees are slightly spread, giving him a hint of the arousal-soaked panties clinging to your core and leaving nothing to imagination. Taehyung licked his lips before he descended back down, picking your leg up.

He placed a small kiss on your ankle before trailing his lips up your leg, placing another kiss on your knee then your inner thigh. His lips trailed across your hips, his tongue tracing the bone before he kissed his way up to your belly button, circling and dipping hi wet appendage into it, causing you to arch your back and moan, begging him to stop teasing you. With every one of his ministrations, your heart ached. You briefly wondered if he fucked Hyorin like this, if we paid this much attention to her. You slightly shook your head, trying to push those damning thoughts out of your mind as you focused on Taehyung’s attention on your body.

Taehyung smirked against your skin. He continued up your body nuzzling the valley of your breasts and placing a tender kiss on your sternum. Continuing his worship of you, he brushed his lips against your collarbones, sucking on them slightly before running his nose up the length of your neck, placing soft kisses along your throat. Finally, he reached your lips, bending down and capturing your mouth once again with his. You gasped as one of his hands brushed up from your leg to grip your hip tightly. Taehyung used your gasp to his advantage, forcing his tongue into your mouth and massaging your own tongue with his. You moaned at the taste that was wholly him, pushing your lip even harder against his, trying to meld both of you into one being.

"Gods ____, you're so beautiful, " Taehyung whispered against your ear, biting the shell and tugging it slightly. Your heart plummets in your chest because it’s been sovery long since you’ve heard those words come out of his mouth and his tone is filled with so much emotion. Instead of responding you shake your head and pull him against you once more. If this was the only time, if this was your only chance with him, you didn’t want to waste it with meaningless words that would disappear when the sun rose and he returned to her.

“Stop talking Taehyung and just fuck me” You whisper, your tone pleading and filled with desperation as you stare into his lust filled eyes. Taehyung lets out a lazy boxy smile and you ignore the small lurch in your heart as he regards you with pure love. Once again, you wonder how many times Hyorin has seen this exact sight.

“Gladly Iris” Taehyung responds and you take in a shuddering breath, hoping it passes off for lust and not for the heartache you were really feeling. He bent his head forward and struck out his tongue, flicking your hardened nipple. You shuddered against his lips, this time with lust, causing him to smile before he pulled the nipple into his mouth, rolling it between his teeth while sucking on it. His hand moved from your hip to your other breast, kneading the mound in his hands before pinching and pulling your nipple, you moaned at the slight pain and Taehyung let out a wicked grin against your breast before once again tugging harshly again on the sensitive nipple. His lips moaned against your other breast and you felt the vibrations rush through your nerves and straight to your core, making your wetter. You brought your hands up to his head, your nails scratching his scalp as you hissed at him in pleasure. Taehyung let go off your nipple with a pop before attaching onto the next one and resuming his actions.

"Taehyung please, more. I need more. I need your mouth on me" You groaned, arching your back.

“You’re such a sin, a beautiful sin that belongs to no one else but me” Taehyung whispers before kissing down your stomach. You spread your legs wider, causing him to grin as he took in the sight of the darkened material clinging to your slit. The smell of your arousal was so strong he was almost lost himself further into the intoxication of alcohol and your scent, the combination driving him crazy with need. His member leaked against his boxers, his trousers becoming entirely too tight.

He leaned forward, licking your covered slit, making you whimper in pleasure. Taehyung smirked before repeating himself over and over again, teasing you endlessly, until you were thrashing around, grinding your core against his face, lashing, gyrating, doing anything that would stop his hellish teasing and cause more friction. Taehyung finally relented sucking your panty covered clit into his mouth, you let out a strangled scream as your bundle of nerves were finally stimulated. You screamed his name as Taehyung repeatedly sucked and lashed at your clit with his tongue until you finally came. You let out another incoherent scream as your hips lifted of the bed. Taehyung attached himself to your clit again sucking and drawing out your orgasm as he watched your eyes roll back. Taehyung sat up as you came down from your high, grinning down at you wickedly.

“Did I just make you cum from having your panties licked?” Taehyung teased and you let out a small whine when he pressed his thumb against your covered slit, rubbing up and down and spreading your wetness even more. You were almost positive you could never wear these again, they were wellpassed ruin.

"Great, now my panties are completely soaked" You pouted and Taehyung let out a small giggle, kisses the corner of your mouth as he tried to push your pout away. Once again, your heart cinches and you almost turn away, trying to blink away the tears. He far too attentive, too soft and too loving. Every action is filled with love and adoration and it both drives you wild and making you want to break down into a fit of sobs, because you know that as soon as daylight strikes, he’ll be far gone from you.

"Just how I like them," He replied with a wicked grin, drawing you back from your impending breakdown. You push away the thoughts once again and your eyes darkened with lust as you watched him slowly strip above you. Long, dextrous fingers move smoothly as he unbuttons and divests himself off his shirt, leaving nothing but a smooth expanse of tanned skin. Your eyes trail over his wide shoulders, before tracing down his body, dark nipples hard in the cold of his room and soft belly with small rolls making your heart hurt. You always loved Taehyung’s soft belly, so completely different from most guys with hard abs. So completely him.

You need to stop these treacherous thoughts. You can’t fall more in love with him and you need to somehow distract yourself. So, you use what little strength you have and flip him over. Taehyung lets out a choked yelp of surprise and quickly moves to push you until you begin trailing down his body. You press small kisses against the waistband of his trousers. You slowly unbutton them before pulling them down his legs, along with his boxers. His cock spring up and you jerk backwards, eyes wide at the sheer size of it.

It's beautiful. Long and so very thick, something you definitely were not expecting. His cock is smooth and tan, perfectly veined and his purple cockhead is angry and weeping with precum. He leaks down his own tip and cock and your mouth waters at the sheer sight of it all. You smiled at the large member, licking your lips as you imagined the way it would fill your mouth and the way it’ll no doubt stretch your pussy later. You kissed the base before kissing up the length until you reached the tip, licking the leaking head and almost moaning at the salted, tangy taste of him on your lips. You’re addicted. You know you are.

You grabbed the middle of his shaft gently and rubbed the tip along your lips, almost as if applying lipstick. Taehyung groans as you pleasured his frenulum before letting out a shark breath of air as you sucked on the tip, the tongue flicking against the tip over and over again. You slowly took the head in until the cockhead was completely in your mouth and then you began sucking. Hard. Taehyung gasped out, his fingers twisting into your long hair and trying to push your further down. However, you held still, sucking on the tip as you swirled your tongue around the tip causing Taehyung to buck his hips.

"Fuck, ____" Taehyung hissed, and you smiled at the begging, pleading tone that occupies his voice. You decide to have some sort of mercy on him and begin taking the rest of his thick, long cock in your mouth. Your jaw aches and you’ve barely taken any of his cock and he’s already hitting the back of your throat, but you refuse to give up. Inch by inch, you continue swallowing him down your throat and when he hits your gag reflex to choke slightly and hold still. Tears pull in your eyes but you calm down, breath as much as you can through your nose before you swallow. Taehyung let’s out a choked groan, bucking slightly into you as slowly swallow him whole. You internally cheer victoriously when your nose hits against the wiry dark hair around his crotch, trimmed neatly.

"God yes, take that cock in," Taehyung moaned, holding your head as you gagged on his engorged dick. You started bobbing up and down, Taehyung helping as he thrust up and into your mouth, you smiled against his dick before moving one hand down to his balls, raking your long fingers along the tender flesh.

"Shit yes" Taehyung murmured in pleasure. While sucking on his dick, you ran your hot tongue along the base of his dick, right in the middle causing Taehyung to shudder and hiss once again as your teeth raked against the base all the way to his tip. Taehyung was elated from the feeling of your hot, warm and silky mouth around his dick. He felt the coil in his abdomen winding tighter and tighter as his orgasm approached.

"I'm coming baby, that's it. Yes! Make me cum" Taehyung groaned, bucking his hips erratically and fucking your mouth while you continued bobbing your head up and down, gagging every now and then. You felt his dick swell and let his cock go with a pop before sucking one of his balls into your mouth, Taehyung yelling in pleasure as your fist pumped his dick up and down.

"Cumming. Fuck I'm cumming. Fuck, sweetheart swallow my cum" Taehyung orders and you quickly released his balls from your mouth to wrap around the tip of his dick, taking it all in once again as his cum rushed out of his dick and down your throat. You moaned at the slightly salty taste of his cum, drinking it down as he continued to spill it into your throat while you continued lightly massaging his balls. Several pumps later, Taehyung was finally done and you came of his dick, licking your lips and grinning up at him. Taehyung stared at you through lidded eyes before beckoning you up.

"F-face. Sit on my face" Taehyung gasped out as he came down from his orgasm induced high. You quickly shimmied out of your underwear before crawling over him, not needing to be told twice. You swung one of your knees over his head being careful not to accidentally hit him until your legs were spread over his face, Taehyung stared at your folds, licking his lips at the completely soaked lips and your quivering pussy, almost dripping on his face.

"God are you always this wet? You tasted so sweet before, I wonder whether you taste better straight from that sweet, sweet cunt" Taehyung whispered against your pussy before tugging your slit into his mouth.

"Only for you Taehyung. Always for you" You confessed into the night, your voice low, before you bent backwards, placing one of your hands on his chest, the other moving up to play with your breasts. You didn’t think you were loud enough for him to hear you. But he does.

"You're damn right. No one else will ever see you like this. You're mine" Taehyung growled possessively against your slit, and you close your eyes, glad that he can’t see the pain etched onto your face. You stare up at the ceiling, blinking out the tears of despair, something you shouldn’t be doing when Taehyung is buried face deep between your legs. But you can’t control it. You swallow thickly and bite your lips.

“Just make me cum” You choke out, you want to walk away. But Taehyung is like a drug and instead you find yourself falling deeper and deeper into him. The small part of you wonders and hopes, that maybe after all this is done, maybe he may stay. Maybe Jimin was right and Taehyung really loved you, and was too blind to see it. Maybe you could show him, you were the one for him.

“Don’t worry Iris, you’ll be coming so many times you’ll be begging me to stop by the end of the night” Taehyung promises ominously from under your folds, swatting your ass as he did so.

He pointed his tongue and licked it up and down your slit, parting your folds slightly. You ground your hips, trying to get him to enter your as you rolled your nipples between your fingers. Taehyung moved his hands to hold your hips still as he continued teasing you. He pulled your folds into his mouth, teeth raking over the sensitive flesh causing you to shriek in pleasure and increase your efforts in moving your hips. Taehyung nuzzled your clit with his nose before parting your lips slightly and harshly licking a line from your core to your clit before sucking on the bundle of nerves. You were dripping all over his face, your pussy quivering as your best friend worked his sinful magic with his tongue. He lapped at your clit over and over again causing before nibbling slowly on the bundle and you let out a small shriek as you begin cumming all over his tongue.

"Taehyung!" You screamed, Taehyung let go of your hips causing you to buck wildly into his mouth.

As you were coming down from your orgasm, he moved his hands and used his thumbs to spread your lips and stuck his tongue into your core, swirling his tongue before thrusting it in and out, tasting your sweet nectar as the thick juices coated his tongue. You tasted so sweet, almost like the forbidden nectar of the gods. He groaned against you, your pussy clamping around his tongue from your orgasm. Taehyung moved one of his hands to your clit, pinching and pulling on it as he tried to get your to cum again. You screamed as he tugged harshly on your little pearl, falling forward and gripping tightly onto the headboard.

“Stop, oh gods Taehyung please stop” You beg, but Taehyung just thrusts two fingers into you. You wince slightly at the stretch but begin losing yourself into your third, almost painful orgasm from your still sensitive quivering lips as Taehyung thrusts his fingers in wildly, angling them to hit your g-spot with each thrust.

“Beg” Taehyung demands and you fall forward, gripping onto the bed frame as you shake violently over him, thighs quaking on either side of his head. Your eyes roll back into your skull and you try to move away, but one of Taehyung’s hand grips you ass tightly, holding you near him.

“I said beg” Taehyung once against demands, lips vibrating and causing you to shriek in pleasure once again. He pinches your clit with his thumb and forefinger and its more than you can take.

“FUCK! Taehyung! Taehyung make me cum, please. Please I can’t. I need you to make me cum” You sob and Taehyung smirks against your folds at your words.

Taehyung moved his lips to your clit, thrusting his two fingers into your core with newfound energy, twisting and pumping them in. He felt the spongy tissue of your g-spot and grinned before biting down lightly on your clit as he rubbed your g-spot. You stilled above him, your knuckles white as you clenched the headboard. Then with a loud, incoherent scream you gushed all over his tongue, the pain of him biting your clit, the over sensitisation of your sex and pleasure of his fingers against your g-spot making your squirt all over his mouth. Taehyung groaned, moving his mouth over your lips and sucking them as you flooded his mouth. You breathed heavily before falling down and rolling off of him, being careful not to suffocate him with your dripping slit. Although Taehyung couldn't think of a better way to die. You hit your head on the pillow, chest heaving, breasts jiggling slightly as the waves of pleasure continued to rush through your body. Your body convulsed and you shut your thighs as tears dripped down your cheeks.

"We're not done yet baby" Taehyung said softly, brushing the matted hair out of your eyes, taking in the sight of you glistening from sweat and still in the aftershocks of your orgasm. His hands wandered up your knees and spread them before he crawled in between.

"I love you, so much" Taehyung whispers quietly and your heart races and soars at his admission. Hope once against ignites in your chest, especially when he kissed your forehead before slowly entering you. He rubs his cockhead against your entrance and slowly begins pushing in. You let out a small whimper when his sheer girth begins stretching you out. You wince, but lay still, letting him slowly fuck you open with his massive cock. When he’s finally buried deep inside you, you almost feel sick, he’s so deep he’s buried in your guts but you would have it no other way. You feel more connected to him than you ever have and you know after this, you’re completely ruined for anyone else. Taehyung moans in pleasure as your velvety walls wrapped around him.

"I love you too Taehyung. Always. It’s always been you" You confessed back, a tear slipping down your cheek as you wrap your arms around his neck. Taehyung buried his face into the crook between your throat and collarbones, breathing in your scent, eyes rolling back as your pussy clamped around him and then he begins thrusting. He slowly pulls out, whining when he feels your walls grip around each and every inch before thrusting all the way back in.

"Harder Taehyung, give it to me" You begged, Taehyung smirking as he began to thrust harder and faster. You screamed his name as he moved his arms so they were on either side of your head, bracing all his weight on them. He moved his head so that it was on top of yours, watching as you looked up at him, through half lidded eyes, your face contorted in pleasure as he thrust his cock into your, his pelvic bone brushing against your clit with every thrust.

"I'm going to cum again Taehyung" You whispered hoarsely, throat dry and strained from all your screaming. Taehyung lifted one of your legs and placed it on his shoulder, allowing him to go deeper into you. You hissed in pain; you didn’t think it was possible for him to go any deeper and yet there he was. Your legs were spread wide and he was thrusting so hard and deep that there were hints of pain entangled with the pleasure but you could do nothing except just lay and take it.

"Cum around my cock baby" Taehyung urged, speeding up his thrusts before angling them so he hit your g-spot with every plunge of his cock.

"Fuck" You hissed, arching your back as you came. Taehyung latched onto your breast, sucking and teasing your nipple as you milked his cock. Taehyung flipped you over so you were on top of him, dick still buried deep in your pussy. He placed his hands behind his head, watching your breasts sway as you breathed, completely entranced by the way them moved with every breath.

"Ride me babe" Taehyung urged, you moving your hips slowly, grinding lazily against his dick as you lacked enough energy to do anything else. After a few minutes of the slow pace Taehyung grew impatient and moved his hands to your hips. He lifted you up before pulling your down as he thrust up, plunging his dick as deep as he could. You let out a small yelp as he continued his harsh thrusting. You could feel your orgasm approaching fast, your sensitive walls rubbing against Taehyung' dick, the friction almost too much. The sound of sweaty skin slapping filled the bedroom along with your soft whines and Taehyung’s deep, raspy breaths.

"Are you cumming again baby?" Taehyung questioned as your face twisted, your eyelids closing completely as you threw your head back in pleasure. You fell down, your palms on the bed on either side of his head as you struggled to stay up.

"Yes! I'm cumming again" You moaned, Taehyung smiling as he moved one hand to play with your clit roughly before lifting his neck and suckling on the breast that was dangling in front of his face. His other hand manipulated your hips so that you continued moving. You convulsed on top of him again, your voice cracking as you groaned out his name. Taehyung, however wasn’t finished yet. You hoped to the gods above that he was close because you were running out of fumes at this point. No wonder he had a reputation, his stamina was almost unmatched. Taehyung turned you over so you were on your knees. Even he could tell you were nearing your end, both from your heavy breathing and the way your head was resting against the pillow, your ass sticking up into the air. Taehyung grabbed your hips and entered again, you letting out a soft moan, both in pain and pleasure as your swollen pussy gripped and rippled against him uncontrollably.

"Taehyung… last one?" You gasped out, letting him know that you couldn't go on after this.

"Yeah baby, don't worry this is the last I promise" Taehyung said as he began to thrust into you quickly. You weren’t expecting it and with how wet both you and he were, he slid in so easily that he immediately hit the back of your cervix. You let out a small scream as he began a brutal, punishing pace.

Taehyung reached down and grabbed your hair, pulling your head up causing your back to arch downwards as he continued to thrust into you. He watched your fleshy ass bounce and shake as he thrust into you. He moved his other hand across your back before smacking your ass. You screamed out his name, your walls clamping around his cock causing him to groan at the feeling. Taehyung smirked before he spanked your again. He increased the speed of his thrusts, spanking your ass until it was deep red, you bucking your hips in both pain and pleasure. Taehyung kept his grip on your hair, pulling it as he continued to spank you. He felt his orgasm approaching and knew he wouldn't last long. He let go of your hair before bending over you, the speed of his thrusts decreasing, instead plunging into you with long powerful strokes. He moved his hand to between your thighs, rubbing your clit. You let out a shriek as he thrust in particularly deep. One of his hands moved to rub against your stomach and he groaned low into your ear.

“I’m going to cum soon baby. I’m going to cum and fill this belly with all my cum and you’re going to take it aren’t you? Like my good little cum dump, you’re going to let me breed you. Aren’t you baby?” Taehyung asked, his huge hands splayed across your lower belly as his thumb continued brushing against your clit. His words caused your cunt to grip around him once again as you imagined the feeling of him shooting his cum so deep within you.

“Yes, god yes Taehyung fill me up. I want nothing more” You plead and Taehyung chuckles against your ear.

“Whatever you want sweetheart. I’m going to fill you up so good and watch that pretty little pussy drip with my cum” Taehyung promises before he resumes his brutal pace, pinching and rubbing your clit in hard circles. You stilled once again before you arched off the bed, your whole-body shuddering as you squirted once again, all over Taehyung' dick. Taehyung felt your gush around him and couldn't help himself, the speed and power of his thrusts increased, going as fast as he can while you continued to gush.

"Please! Taehyung please cum in me! I can't take it anymore! Please cum in me! Please just cum" You sob, your voice strained and raspy as you plead. Taehyung presses his chest against hard against your back and thrusts in deep, hitting your cervix once again before cumming in you. His palms grip your hips harshly as he pulls you to him, trying to get in as deep as he can go. He lets out a strained roar as he begins filling you up. His cock spurts out his seed, coating your walls in his cum and filling you up completely. He stays in you for the duration of his orgasm, his dick pulsing and twitching as he rides of the aftershocks of his orgasm. When he’s finally finished, Taehyung pulls out his flaccid dick before falling onto the bed, completely spent. You moaned at the feeling of Taehyung' cum dripping out of your before you rolled onto your side, pressed up against his sweaty body.

A small part of you wants to speak about what just happened, but you’re far too exhausted to care at this point so instead, you give into your heavy lids and allow sleep to take you. Taehyung is right next to you as you fall asleep, completely spent and equally passed out. However, your last thought before succumbing to exhaustion is how much you’re dreading what will happen when the sun cums up and the alcohol is out both your systems.

“Oh fuck. Oh, fucking fuck” You hear a voice and you’re immediately roused from sleep. You groan and open your eyes, hissing slightly at the bright light. You sit up and immediately regret your decision as every single one of your muscles protests the movement. You feel stickiness between your legs along with the ache and soreness and immediately you’re wide awake. Last night’s memories come crashing down and you snap your head to the panicking boy, who’s staring at you with horror and regret.

“What the fuck happened last night?” Taehyung rages and you wince at his loud voice. You knewthe alcohol had clouded your judgement and now you were paying the consequences. Of course, it wasn’t all your fault. Taehyung had equally, if not, more of the blame considering he started it from what you recalled. But you were still hoping for something, anythingespecially after his confession last night.

“Well we obviously fucked. Do you not remember?” You ask and Taehyung growls and your heartbeat increases as you remember how he growled at you last night.

“Obviously I fucking remember. God, ____ this is such a mess, what am I going to do?” Taehyung asks and you wonder what he means.

“What do you mean?” You ask stupidly and Taehyung send you a ‘are you serious’ look.

“About Hyorin, ____? What am I supposed to do about Hyorin?” Taehyung asks and you wince.

“Well, you’re going to tell her and break up with her, aren’t you?” You ask and Taehyung scoffs, looking at you as if you had two heads.

“Why would I break up with her? I love her! She can’t know this happened. You can’t tell her. This has to stay between us” Taehyung pleads and you stiffen. Your blood runs cold and you can do nothing but look at him in a completely new light. What did he mean he loved her? Didn’t he confess his love for you yesterday? Was it all just a lie? You can feel the tears well up in your eyes as your heartbreaks for the countless time, all because of Taehyung.

“You… Taehyung how am I supposed to keep this between us? You cheated on your girlfriend. With me. How am I supposed to act as if nothing has changed?” You ask and Taehyung sighs.

“___, it was just sex. Meaningless sex. I love Hyorin. She’s the one I want to marry” Taehyung says and your heart immediately plummets in your chest and suddenly it feels like your chest is caving in and it hurts.Your heart hurtsso much that it’s hard to breathe.

“Mean- Meaningless sex? Taehyung, you told me you loved me” You reply with a broken, almost emotionless voice as your brain tries to comprehend his words.

“I didn’t mean it. At least not in that sense. ____, I’m sorry but last night was a mistake. We were both drinking and we didn’t make the right decisions. I don’t love you. Last night meant nothing” Taehyung says and your worst fears are confirmed.

“But Taehyung, it meant something to me.I love you. I wasn’t lying when I told you I loved you. I loveyou” You heartbrokenly confess and Taehyung lets out a deep sigh.

“I know” Taehyung whispers and your head snaps to him, staring at him with bewilderment and fear.

“What? What did you say? You knew? How did you know?” You ask, your voice louder than before. This could not be happening. Within the space of a few words your life was slowly falling apart.

“I knew. At least, I had an idea. Hyorin told me. I didn’t believe her at first but she was convinced and worried about how I would leave her for you. It’s why we haven’t been spending as much time together. I didn’t want to lead you on and… I love Hyorin” Taehyung confesses and despite how much you want to break down and cry, you grit your teeth.

“Excuse me? Did you… did you just admit that you chose Hyorin over me? Because she was fucking worried about me taking you away from her? And you agreed? I was your best fucking friend Taehyung. Despite how long I have loved you, I have never once stood in the way of your happiness and I would never, neverjeopardise your relationship. How could you? I thought you knew me better than that” You seethe, your voice full of dismay and disbelief.

“Yes, well last night definitely jeopardised my relationship, don’t you think” Taehyung sneers and you find yourself reeling.

“Don’t. Don’t fucking put this all on me. I wasn’t even looking to sleep with you yesterday. You, you fucking did this. I was happily going to go home with Yugyeom until you pulled me away. You have just as much blame in this as me” You fume, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“Fuck. Okay listen, last night never fucking happened. I’m sorry. I know you love me, but I don’t… I can’tlove you like that. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry and I hope somehow, we can recover from this. But last night was a mistake. I love Hyorin, I’m so fucking in love with her. Last night may have given you hope, but I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean any of my words and I’m so sorry but I regret it all. I don’t want to hurt you, but… I could never love you the way I love her” Taehyung confesses and the last word ring loudly in your head over and over again.

‘I could never love you the way I love her’.

Ten words. Ten whole words strung together with so much meaning. You could never comprehend how much words could rip your life apart. That was until today. Suddenly, you felt completely numb and the ache in your heart simply grows larger and stronger until it is all you can feel. Taehyung is still rambling, but you hear none of it. Instead, all you can hear are those ten words ringing deep in your mind. You need to leave. You need to somehow get out of here or make him leave. You need something, you need space. But most importantly you need him gone.

“Get out” You whisper and Taehyung stops mid rant, looking at you in panic and wide eyed. He notices the blank expression on your face and immediately walks towards you, trying to comfort you. But when his touch once used to soothe the demons in your soul, his touch now simply burns and you can’t help but cowering away. Taehyung’s jerks his hand back, looking at you in fear. You had never once shrunk away from him but here you were, staring at him with an expressionless face and cowering from him and suddenly, he felt as if he were the worst person on this planet. He never wanted to hurt you.

“Iris, I’m sorry” Taehyung begins, but you cut him off with a scoff, blinking away the hot tears.

“Don’t. Don’t call me that. I’m not your Iris, I’m not your anything. Please just leave” You say and your words burn into Taehyung’s being. His eyes are wide and suddenly he wants to cry beside you.

“No, please. Don’t say that. Don’t fucking say that. You’re my Iris, my best friend. ____ please, please don’t run away from me” Taehyung pleads, he wants to reach out and touch you but he knows it’s the last thing you want. You notice your state of undress and suddenly you feel sick and dirty and all you want to do is shower and remove the scent and feel of him off of your skin. You pick up your sheets and cling them tightly to you, as if they are your last line of defence.

“No. No I’m not. Not anymore. I can’t be your best friend anymore, I can’t be your Iris. I don’t think you understand Taehyung. I have been in love with you for six years now. You have owned every inch of my heart for six years and I’m tired. I’m emotionally exhausted and completely drained. I’m tired of you breaking my heart. I thought… I thought I could deal with it, but after yesterday after your words today, I can’t. I love you, but I love myself more. And I need you gone, out of my room and out of my life. Please” You plead and Taehyung feels a sharp pain in his chest at the completely exhaustion and defeat in your voice and the way tears simply fall from your eyes. But you don’t notice them, instead you’re simply staring blankly at him. Except you’re not looking at him, but through him. It’s as if you can’t see him, that he’s completely removed from your life.

“I… I’ll go. But I’m not leaving your life. I’ll leave your room but please. You’re my best friend, I need you. Please don’t leave me” Taehyung pleads but you don’t respond. You’re too tired to respond, so you choose to not say anything. You vaguely register him gathering his clothes before walking towards your bedroom door.

“I need to go see Hyorin… but this conversation isn’t over. I don’t want to lose you” Taehyung says, conviction in his voice and then he leaves. He disappears through the door and it may not seem like it for him, but for you, that’s your final goodbye. By the time you respond, he’s long gone and far from ear shot and your words fall on deaf ears in the silence of your bedroom.

“You’ve already lost me”

In a way, you think you’re lucky that whatever happened, happened at the time it did. You had slept with Taehyung a few days before your university broke up for the holidays. But considering it had happened during the second term, it also meant that you were officially done with classes and all that was left was for you to sit your exams and then graduate. Which consequently meant, that if you played it right, you’d never have to see Taehyung ever again. The decision was hard to make. But as you sat in the quiet of your room, the day Taehyung had walked out after your one-night stand; you decided that you were too tired, too drained to continue loving him. Especially when it was unrequited.

So, you used your newfound heartache and directed it to something productive. You pushed Taehyung and your feelings as far out of your mind as you could and instead you directed all your energy into revising for your finals. You barely spent any time in your apartment, instead choosing to practically live in the library. The only time you were home was to shower and catch some quick sleep but then you were gone. Before anyone noticed you were home. Before Taehyung could find you. You spent the past few months doing nothing but revising and studied and it had all paid off. You had just finished your final exam and it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of your shoulders.

But now that you were done with your exams, you had nothing else to focus on. You had nothing else to run to in order to distract you from your woeful unrequited love. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t run away. You thanked your lucky star that Taehyung’s art and photography exam was about to start, just as you finished, which meant that the house was most likely empty unless Jimin was home. Subsequently, that also meant you had a couple of hours to pack up all your things and move out before anyone could stop you. Sure, you’d have to be back in a few months for the graduation ceremony and then once again to complete your Masters, but for now it was enough time to begin getting over Taehyung. To put even more distance between the two of you. A vacation was exactly what you needed.

You quickly rushed back to your apartment, letting out a breath of relief when you found the home empty. You quickly gathered some boxes and your suitcases, packing everything as quick as you could. Mainly the essentials; you figured you could get the rest of it some other time. Or even have Jimin send them to you. A couple hours later you had packed everything you’d need for a long vacation away and the rest of the stuff were in boxes for you to collect when you were ready. Your flight was booked, even if it had decimated the entirety of your bank account but you figured you could find a job at Jeju Island to get you by. Plus, you had some savings that you could make use of for a few weeks. You grabbed your suitcase and opened your bedroom door but only came face to chest with someone. You steeled yourself and looked up before letting out a shriek of relief.

“Fucking hell! Park Jimin, don’t you ever scare me like that again!” You scream, smacking him in the middle of the chest. Jimin however doesn’t move, instead he’s looking at you with a sad smile.

“You were really going to leave without saying goodbye?” He asks quietly and you feel the pang of guilt in your chest. Jimin was a good man. And an even better friend. He had tried to help you and while you may have not been as close to him as you had been with Taehyung; he was still a friend you cherished. And you’d miss him. You knew you would.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t take any chances” You say apologetically and Jimin nods before entering. He looks around at the empty room littered with boxes before sitting down on your completely stripped bed.

“I never realised how big and empty this room could be. It looks… dead without all your stuff” Jimin says quietly and you bite your lip, unsure what to say. You need to get out as soon as possible or risk Taehyung coming back and catching you. You assume Jimin notices your shiftiness and restlessness because he lets out a small, humourless chuckle.

“He’s not going to be back for a while don’t worry. He’s out with Hyorin” Jimin says and he spits her name with so much venom that even youwince.

“Jimin… I’m sorry” You whisper and Jimin shakes his head, his shoulders shaking with rage before he explodes.

“No! You’re not the one at fault! It’s Taehyung and that stupid bitch who’s turning him against all his friends. She’s manipulative. So, fucking manipulative and he doesn’t even see it. You know she stopped him from seeing me? I’m a bad influence apparently, just because I bring home a lot of women. It’s not as if he sleeps with them. God, I hate her and now you’re leaving because of her and him and I hate them even more” Jimin fumes and you put your bag down and approach him, hugging him tightly.

“Don’t say that. He’s your best friend and he’s going to need you. I need you to look out for him Jimin. Please, for me” You ask and Jimin shakes his head, fists clenched at his sides.

“No! I don’t want to! He’s pushed you away and he’s going to regret it so fucking much. I know you slept together and I know exactly what happened the next day. I heard it all. These walls are so fucking thin and I fucking heard how he confessed his love and I was so fucking happy. But then I heard what that idiotsaid the next day and how he said it and I know… I fucking knowhow much he broke your heart and he’s a fucking coward. He loves you. I fucking know he does but he’s so far up her ass he can’t even see it. But he’s going to fucking regret it. I know he is. Right now, he thinks he can still make it up with you despite it being three fucking months but he can’t. And now you’re leaving and he’s going to see just how much he fucked up and I’m glad. He’s such a fucking coward and I don’t fucking know who he is anymore.” Jimin seethes, mouth practically foaming in rage and you have no words to calm him down.

“I know. I know this all Jimin but I’m leaving and no matter what he’s done he’s still our best friend and he needs us. He needs youbecause I can’t be here for him anymore. I can’t do it without losing my sanity. But despite it all, I still fucking love him and it hurts. It hurts so much and I need to go away but I can’t if I know he’s alone. So please, Park Jimin, promise me you’ll look after him even if it’s from afar. I know him and I know he’ll try and run after me and he’ll look for me and feel so guilty he won’t be able to sleep or eat, but I needyou to look after him. Make sure he eats, make sure he sleeps, make sure he doesn’t break down. I need you to do that for me, please” You beg, your tone laced with desperation and Jimin sighs before pulling you in for a hug.

“You are a beautiful human being and if there was one thing Taehyung got right, it was that no one deserves you. Not even him. But fine, for you, I’ll look after him. Just make sure you keep in touch? If not with him, with me. It doesn’t have to be often. Just every now and then drop me a text that lets me know you’re alright. Please” Jimin pleads and you nod against his chest, hugging him tighter to you.

“I promise. I have to go now, I’ve got a flight to catch. Take care of Taehyung and please take care of yourself” You say and Jimin nods from above your head.

“Take care of yourself too. And find someone else. Find someone better and fall in love again and make sure they love you back. You deserve that and so much more. So please, just find someone. Don’t close yourself to love” Jimin advises and you take his words to heart, silently promising yourself to move on and find someone worth your time. Someone who won’t break your heart.

“I promise. Now I really have to go or I’m going to miss my flight. Goodbye Jimin” You call out, waving bye before leaving. Jimin watches you walk out of the apartment once and for all and he can’t help but feel as if he’s lost a part of home. Even if you weren’t super close, he knew he’d miss coming home to you doing yoga, or returning to you watching the most random TV series on Netflix. Despite everything, you were still a piece of his home and now that you were gone, the house felt emptier than it should have.

You had once assumed you’d always be in love with Taehyung. But the longer you spend in Jeju, away from him and with his callous words still ringing in your mind, the easier you find it to slowly move on. Taehyung’s words hurt, but the more nights you spend awake at three am thinking about them, the more you realise it would probably never work. The more you realise all he did was take you for granted. You didn’t care that Taehyung didn’t love you back, at least not anymore. What bothered you so much was how he handled everything, the way he threw his words heartlessly, without any thought you how you felt. The more you thought back to your relationship, the more you realised that was often the case. Taehyung was one to speak first and think and apologise later. Of course, he had never meant it to be malicious and he couldn’t intentionally hurt a fly. But that didn’t mean it was excusable, especially when his words and tone were cruel enough to completely dismiss your feelings.

You sigh in fatigue before checking your phone; 1:18am it read and you curse Taehyung for another sleepless night. You were practically nocturnal at this point, staying up all night surrounded by thoughts of the entire Taehyung dilemma. You rubbed your face and got out of bed, deciding to take a walk down the beach pier. Not that anyone really used it so late at night bar a few stragglers. You quickly get dressed before leaving the safety of your Airbnb. You made your way down towards the beach, the walk almost second nature to you. You had found a job working at the pier; considering it was summer it meant that the place was packed with tourists and businesses were more than happy for the extra help.

You walk along the pier, looking at the various arcades, all shut and completely dark. It’s completely different to the usual scene you’re met when you work nights, with bright prismatic lights illuminating the pier from the various attractions. But then again, it’s nearing 4am so why would they be on or even open currently. You’re about to turn back when a very familiar noise draws your attention. It’s the arcade-restaurant you work at and for some reason, the lights of the games are all flashing and on. The sight is particularly peculiar considering the rest of the pier is completely dead and silent. Curiosity wins you over and you decide to investigate.

You enter the arcade and come face to side with a boy who looks roughly the same age as you. He’s giggling to himself as he plays the first-person shooter game, drawing up more points than you’ve ever seen. You assume he’s going for the record and can’t help but think that with his skills, he definitely will break it. He’s got dark chocolate hair that falls into his eyes softly and wide, round almond almost doe like eyes. His ears are pierced multiple times, at least from the angle you see him at and he’s got soft pink, albeit slightly thin lips. His jaw is strong and defined and from the thin t-shirt you can tell his arms are completely muscular and packed with muscle. His chest looks well defined and his thighs even more so, the muscles bulging and rippling in his tight trousers. He giggles, his face scrunching adorably and he’s got the cutest, almost rabbit-esque smile and you wonder if it was possible to be enchanted by teeth.

All in all, he’s completely opposite to Taehyung.

“What are you doing here? Don’t you know this place is closed” He says, looking at you with a slight mischievous look, his game awaiting him to place in some more tokens before he can continue. You raise an eyebrow and shrug.

“Of course, I do. I work in the restaurant in the day time. I was merely curious as to why the lights were on and why the music was playing. So, tell me, don’t youknow this place is closed? So technically, aren’t you breaking and entering?” You question and he laughs once again, the sound rings in your head and your brain goes blank. It’s a wonderful sound, soft and sweet, yet with a lower note to it that has you completely enthralled.

“I don’t think it’s possible for me to break and enter into my own restaurant or arcade. Well technically, my dad owns it. But you catch me drift” He says with a wink and you roll your eyes; you approach him with less caution, watching as he inserts the token and resumes his game.

“Ah, the owner’s son. Why didn’tI guess that? So, you any good?” You ask and he throws you a lopsided grin.

“I’ll have you know, I’m the seventh-year reigning champion. I come down here every summer to just chill out and play games. Every record in the arcade belongs to me. All I have to do is beat myself each year to ensure I remain reigning champion” he boasts and you scoff at his misplaced sense of achievement. Then again, holding a record for seven years is definitely something impressive. Especially a record for every single game. You guess his sense of achievement isn’t so misplaced after all.

“So, what are you doing here? It’s unusual for women to be walking alone so late at night. Not that you shouldn’t. I’m sure you can defend yourself perfect and wait, not that you should haveto defend yourself but you knowsome people are pricks. You know what, I’m just going to shut up��� he rambles and suddenly all his bravado is gone and you’re left with an adorably shy guy, his lips slightly pouting and his cheeks flushed.

“Cute” You whisper without meaning to and you quickly clamp your hands over your mouth, but he hears it and all he does is laugh.

“So, you think I’m cute?” He asks and giggling when you shake your head in panic.

“I could say the same about you. I’m Jungkook by the way. Jeon Jungkook” Jungkook introduces and you not to him.

“____. Kim ____. Nice to meet you Jungkook-ssi” You greet back and he sends you a bright smile, eyes crinkling in the corner.

“So, you wanna join? Perks of being the owner’s son is I get all the free, unlimited tokens I want” Jungkook says, wiggling his eyebrows and despite yourself, you let out a small snort.

“Of course, you do and sure why not, I have nothing better to be doing” You accept, taking him up on his offer and Jungkook immediately stops shooting, bringing a quick end to his game. The screen counts down before the dramatic ‘You Died’ screen pops up.

“I hope you feel special, I don’t just selfishly sacrifice myself for just anyone” Jungkook teases and you stick your tongue out at him.

“I didn’t askyou to do that, though did I?” You mock and Jungkook rolls his eyes before he enters some more tokens, this time for both of you.

“Is this how my kindness is repaid? With mockery? Oh, my poor wounded heart” Jungkook jests, a dramatic hand on his heart as he scrunches up his face in mock pain. You once again stick your tongue out at him before gesturing to the game.

“Oh, come on Bun Boy, let’s just play” You joke and Jungkook throws a fake affronted look.

“Bun Boy? Now you’re really going to get it Kim. I refuse to go easy on you” Jungkook threatens and you let out a small laugh.

“Alright, bring it on Jeon” You challenge and soon the two of you begin playing your game.

You spend the entire night laughing and playing various different arcade games before Jungkook offers you a walk on the beach just because. You talk about nothing and yet you talk about everything. Each conversation is completely meaningless and yet that in itself has meaning. You don’t tell him about Taehyung, you don’t tell him anything of true substance and yet by the end, you feel you know Jungkook almost as well as you know Taehyung and you feel he knows you just as well. You don’t think you’ve felt so carefree in years, it’s like all your problems have disappeared for a night. Jungkook is like a breath of fresh air, full of life and jokes and his slightly weirdtendencies have you cracking up, like the way he randomly screeches some inhumane noises, or how he randomly dances or twerks. Not once do you think of Kim Taehyung. There is not a single moment where he even crosses your mind. It’s early into the morning when you find yourself sitting on the beach with him, facing the sunrise.

Jungkook has long since crashed, his body curled up next to you, hair full of sand as he lets out small high-pitched snores. You however, still aren’t able to sleep. But not for any other reason than that for the first time in months, you’ve felt completely alive. It’s as if the one night with Jungkook has completely recharged your battery. You know longer feel restless or emotionally drained. All the small meaningless conversations with Jungkook puts everything into perspective. Everything passes. Everything goes. And you finally realise that Taehyung too will pass. You close your eyes and breathe in deeply, smelling the refreshing salted air. You feel the warmth of the sun and you open your eyes, smiling at the amber lit sky, the colours of dawn painted across the sky.

You can’t help but feel as if this is a new beginning.

“Where is she?” Taehyung asks and Jimin simply rolls his eyes.

“Jimin please, you have to tell me. I have to find her! She’s been gone for weeks. I haveto find her” Taehyung pleads and Jimin scoffs at him.

“Why? Haven’t hurt her enough?” Jimin taunts and Taehyung flinches at the harsh tone of his best friend’s voice.

“I know. I know I made some mistakes, but I have to find her and make things right. Please… I can’t… I can’t lose her” Taehyung says dejectedly and Jimin’s ire once again rises.

“Fuck you Taehyung. Fuck you and your god damn role of playing the victim. It was youractions that forced her to run away. You were so fucking awful to her and don’t think I don’t fucking know” Jimin begins and Taehyung’s eyes widen slightly.

“Jimin-“ Taehyung tries to cut him off but Jimin shakes his head.

“No. No! You willfucking listen to me and only when I’m done will you speak” Jimin seethes and Taehyung immediately shuts up, knowing that Jimin is the last person you’d want to anger when already angry.

“I was there. I was fucking there when I watched you drag her away from Yugyeom and I thought, finally. Finally,he realises just exactly what he feels but just in case I followed you home and when I got here, I heardyou fuck her. I heardyou tell her you loved her and I heard her finally confess her love for you and once again I thought, finally. Maybe I won’t have to watch you slowly break that poor girl apart with your dumb one-night stands and then even more with your relationship with Hyorin. I thought that finally, ____ would get the happiness she deserves. I have watchedher be in love with you for almost as long as she’s known you. I have watched you break her apart with every one-night stand and then I watched her break apart every time, every single fucking timeyou ditched her for Hyorin. And you know what?” Jimin stop his tirade and takes in a deep breath before he continues.

“She never fucking complained. She just took all the hurt you dished out and she never once demanded anything from you. She nevercomplained and the gods know she was well within her fucking right to do so. Youabandoned her. You chose Hyorin, Hyorinof all people over her, the girl who has stood by your side no matter what, who has loved you unconditionally for as long as she’s known what love is. And you threwit all aside for Hyorin. And then how do you repay her? By sleeping with her and then trying to blame it all on her so that you can save your farce of a relationship. Just like I heard you fuck her, I heard you tell her you could neverlove her the next day. How the fuck do you think that made her feel? When you so recklessly threw aside her own feelings and used your words so callously to make her feel so small. She ran away to get away from you. To get away from all the pain you caused her. You didn’t fucking see her the day she left. How tired she looked, how fucking exhausted and lifeless she was. But I did. I fucking saw it and my heart broke her for all over again. So fucking tell me Kim Taehyung, do you deserve to even think about losing her?” Jimin finally spat out, ending his rant and Taehyung looked so lost and broken that Jimin almostregretted his words. But then he remembered you and the shell of a person you had become and he was angry all over again.

“I know. I know what I did. I know what I said. You don’t have to remind me because I know. It haunts me every night that I could have hurt her like that. I… that night was the best night of my life but I was so convinced Hyorin was the one that I hurt the only girl I have ever cared about. And I regret it. I regret is so fucking much Jimin. I… I love her and I know, I know I don’t get to say that now. It shouldn’t have taken me losing her to find out just how much she means to me but I miss her. I miss her so fucking much and it hurts. It fucking hurts. But I need to find her, I need to tell her what I feel and I need to at least try and make amends because not having her here is making me lose my fucking mind. I can’t be without her. I can’t fucking lose her Jimin” Taehyung rants, his voice is filled with need and desperation but Jimin simply shakes his head.

“I’m sorry Taehyung, but I still can’t tell you where she is. Mainly because she hasn’t told me. I’m sorry it took you all this to finally realise what you feel, but it may be too late. You’ve already lost her” Jimin says, his tone final and then he walks away.

By the time you return from Jeju Island, you’ve spent slightly more than two happy, carefree months with Jungkook. There was not a single night or day where you hadn’t spent some semblance of time with him. During afternoons, he’d join you and help wait tables in his father’s restaurant and then once you were both off of work, he’d whisk you away on some new adventure that would leave you completely exhilarated and breathless. There were days when he’d take you hiking through the woods or on other days he’d take you fishing at night. It seemed that every day was a new experience with Jungkook and you were deeply enjoying your time with him.

A month into your holiday, Jungkook had done something you had both anticipated and dreaded.

{Flashback – A month ago}

You’re lying in a small meadow, just off the roadside, overlooking the mountains and sea that surround Jeju. It’s not exactly the most ideal spot considering you’re just opposite a road, but the cars that drive past are so scarce that it doesn’t even register in your mind. Jungkook had parked his car somewhere of the side and now you two were simply laying on the grass, surrounded by beautiful purple blossoms. You breathe in the fresh air, so reminiscent of the sea salted air of Busan and yet so different from the place you called home in Seoul. The scent of grass accompanied by the scent of the sea has you feeling nostalgic and maudlin. Back to the days when life had been easier, when Taehyung hadn’t hurt you so deeply and when you were just friends, nothing more.

It’s been so long since you’ve thought of Taehyung. The hurt is still there but it’s no longer as fresh or raw. His words don’t stab at your heart anymore. Instead, they’ve left a dull ache of a wound that is slowly healing. Thoughts of Taehyung don’t send you plummeting into despair anymore. Instead, they leave you with a weird sense of nostalgia and ache. An ache for the feelings that you’ve lost, an ache for your best friend. Nothing more. You’ve long since accepted that you and Taehyung were not meant to be, nor could you ever be. There was too much bad blood, too much hurt. You were willing to forgive, but you could never forget.

“Wanna tell me what’s occupying that pretty little head of yours?” Jungkook asks, breaking you out of your inner musings. You send him a wistful smile and he notices the expression, one you’ve worn very often but have refused to divulge your secrets. Jungkook recognises the signs of someone running away from their problem, but he’s also noticed you slowly become more open with him, slowly become livelier and so he’s left it. He trusts that you know what’s best for you and that you’re dealing with your problems in your own way.

“Just stuff from home. Every now and then I think about it and it still hurts, but each day it gets better. It hurts less. It certainly hurts less than it did when I got here” You say, a genuine bright smile on your face and Jungkook smiles at your cheeriness.

“Have I been any help?” He asks, more so in a teasing tone because he would never presume that he was the answer to all your problems. But your expression once again turns reflective and there’s a certain bliss to your features that there wasn’t before, a certain lightness to your eyes.

“You’re joking, but yes. You’ve helped a lot. Thank you” You reply, genuine gratitude lacing your voice and Jungkook is instantly floored, unable to say anything. He doesn’t think he’s done anything great; all he knows is that he loves spending time with you. All he knows is that he wants to continue spending time with you, whether it was watching you attempt to break his arcade records, or sharing leftovers from the restaurant, or even if it was laying on some grass by the roadside. He wanted many more adventures with you, many more late nights and many more days spent doing anything and everything under the sun.

“Let’s go out” Jungkook says suddenly and you raise your eyebrow at him before giggling.

“We areout. But where do you want to go?” You ask curiously and he shakes his head.

“No, I mean. Let’s date. I want to take you out. On a real date. With romantic intentions” Jungkook elaborate and you stiffen, looking at him with wide eyes.

Your feelings were in complete chaos, a part of you, the broken part, wanted to run; because no matter how much you’ve forgiven him and how much you want to be over him, Taehyung has left his scars on you. Scars that will never heal. Scars tell you that you won’t ever be loved the way you want to. And you dread that. You dread falling in love with someone, giving someone everything you have only for them to leave. You somehow survived Taehyung, you doubt you’ll survive someone else leaving. You doubt you’ll survive Jungkook leaving.

But another part of you, the bigger part of you that is healed; the part that heeds Jimin’s advice, wants you to dive straight into him. It wants you to experience a love with is completely reciprocated. It wants you to experience happiness, and joy and most of all it wants you to experience love. Even if Jungkook doesn’t end up being the one, that part of you wants to try. To move on once and for all. Not everyone is Taehyung. Not everyone is going to hurt you so deeply. You rationalise that. You know that. And yet, a part of you still fears; still holds you back.

Another part of you feels guilty. You’re not completely over Taehyung. There are still residual feelings and this part of you, doesn’t want to use Jungkook as a rebound. This part of you understands that Jungkook’s feelings are pure and this part doesn’t want you taking advantage of those feelings in order to move on. It’s wrong and Jungkook doesn’t deserve that. He’s sweet, still full of life and so, somuch stronger than you. He’s experienced his own disillusionment of love; his last girlfriend cheated. And yet here he was, so ready and willing to dive head first into you, someone who was still haunted by her past love. He was stronger than you could ever be.

“You’re not saying anything. If you don’t want to, just say so. It’s not that big a deal” Jungkook says with a shrug but you can see the slight nervousness in his eyes. It is a big deal. It’s bigger than he could ever know. Were you willing to put yourself in that position again? You had no idea. But… maybe you just owed it to yourself to try. To explain why you’re so wary and why you both want to and don’t want to date him. So, you do. Explain that is.

You come clean about everything. You tell him about Taehyung, you tell him about how you fell in love and how you were always just the best friend. You tell him about the day he gets a girlfriend, and then all the times he’s left you for her. You tell him about the night you fuck and then the huge blow up the day after. You tell him about how you ran away to Jeju and then met him. You tell him about how much he unknowingly healed you and why you’re so reluctant to date him, even if you want to. You don’t want to hurt him and you don’t want to use him. You tell him everything and Jungkook just listens. He listens and listens and then when you’re done he pulls you close and hugs you until the tears are all dried and you’re left with nothing but feelings of safety and comfort, wrapped up in Jungkook’s embrace.

“I don’t want to be hurt anymore” You confess with a sniffer and Jungkook nods, his chin resting on the top of your head. He holds you tighter and presses a soft kiss against your temple.

“I know. I know baby. I’m sorry you went through that. I’m sorry he was too much of an idiot to realise how amazing you are. But his loss, is still my gain. I want to date you. I want you to be mine. I want to show you what it means to love and be loved; I want to show you the joys of being in love. I can’t promise you it’ll all be sunshine and rainbows. But my god ____, I can promise that I won’t everhurt you the way he did. So, forget everything else and tell me what you want. If you want to try, I’m here. If you don’t feel ready, then I’ll still be here; I’ll wait until you’re ready. Because I want you. I want everything about you. I want your smile, your tears, your heartache but most importantly your love. I want it all” Jungkook says and you have no idea how he does it, but once again it’s like a huge burden is lifted off your shoulders. Jungkook is far stronger than you could ever hope to be. But a part of you wonders, that maybe, just maybeif you stick by him, he’ll lend you some of that strength.

So, you say yes.

And he kisses you.

{End of Flashback}

Now it’s been almost two and a half months since you’ve been in Jeju and it’s time you went back. Graduation was in a week; you had gotten your results two week before hand and surprisingly, you’d passed all your modules. You were getting a degree. You had immediately run to Jungkook and the two of you had celebrated with a quick picnic on the beach, Jungkook snatching a bottle of wine from the restaurant’s wine cellar. You had packed up all your things and were finally ready to head back to Seoul and face real life. You couldn’t run from your life; something Jungkook had reminded you of everyday.

“Ready to go?” Jungkook asked, his own bag packed with him. You smiled at him and nodded. You turned to the flat once again, smiling nostalgically before you turned off all the lights and deposited the keys where they were supposed to be. He grabbed your bag and carried it towards the taxi waiting for the two of you. Jungkook was returning with you for two reasons. The first being, to your great surprise, was that he too attended university in Seoul and therefore, he too had to return back to everyday life. The second being, that he really wanted to watch you graduate.

There was very little you could refuse Jungkook and so you had accepted, more than happy to be returning with him. You had worried about needed to return to Seoul. You had come to develop a deep fondness for Jungkook. It wasn’t love yet, you were still wary and Jungkook understood. He was in a similar position. But that didn’t mean you weren’t particularly fond of each other. For now, it was more than enough. There was no way to say what the future entailed, but you had some hope that you’d somehow last.

Your feelings for Jungkook were day and night in comparison to your feelings for Taehyung. You weren’t consumed with a burning want like you had for Taehyung; instead you were filled with a small need for him. The need to tell him how your day went, to the need to touch him whether it be a small brush of your hands or his arms around you in bed. You were filled with the need to see him smile and to see him flourish and you were assured the feelings were reciprocated. Being with Jungkook was one of the best things to ever happen to you and you were soglad you had run away and found him.

But now, it was time to go home.

A small part of you dreaded returning. You had no idea what was happening; sure, you’d kept in touch with Jimin, dropping him texts every now and then but you never asked about Taehyung and he never bothered telling you. You were going back blind and it filled you with nervousness. You’d messaged Jimin, letting him know you’d be moving back in. Jimin was ecstatic, but he questioned whether it was wise. You weren’t entirely sure yourself. But you were done running, that was your home as much as it was Taehyung’s and you were not giving it up. Besides, you sincerely hoped that you and Taehyung could move on and continue being friends. Of course, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem once he realised you’d moved on and he could happily be with Hyorin.

However, only time would tell.

“I can’t believe you’re back! I missed you so much! Tell me everything, how was Jeju?” Jimin bounces over to you, happiness radiating off of him as he greets you with a hug. You let out a small laugh and hug him back once you place your bags down.

“I can’t believe I’m back either. I missed you too! Can I unpack first? My room is still available right. I didn’t even ask before dropping you a text telling you I was moving back in” You say apologetically and Jimin shakes his head.

“We rented out your room for a bit, but your stuff is still there and your name is still on the lease so it’s all good. Do you need any… help unpacking?” Jimin trails off when Jungkook enters your shared apartment. He gives Jimin a shy smile and Jimin’s eyes widen to the size of saucers. He turns to look at you, gaping like a fish as he flicks between you and Jungkook.

“Babe, where do you want this?” Jungkook asks and Jimin splutters. You send him a weird look before pointing your room out to Jungkook.

“Down there, Kook. I’ll come help in a bit” You say and Jungkook nods as he grabs your stuff and his before taking it into your room. Once he’s out of earshot, Jimin rounds on you.

“Who is that? Is he staying here? Whatthe fuck happened in Jeju? Are you over Taehyung?” Jimin rapidly questions and you reel back slightly before laughing at him as you pat his shoulder, trying to calm him down.

“That Jungkook… my boyfriend I guess. He’s staying for a short while; his apartment is still being room is still being rented to some summer tenants so he has to wait it out. So much happened in Jeju but the main thing was that I started seeing Jungkook. And I don’t think I’ll everbe over Taehyung, but I’m better. Definitely much better” You say with a soft smile and Jimin raises his eyebrow.

“Does Jungkook know?” Jimin asks and you send him an agitated look.

“Of course, he knows. I wouldn’t keep such a big thing from him. He knows all about Taehyung and he’s super understanding. It’s more that I deserve” You reply and Jimin scowls at you.

“Don’t do that. You deserve more than you think you do. But damn, all hell is going to break loose when Taehyung returns” Jimin says and you frown, eyebrows furrowed as you ponder his words.

“What do you mean? Why would all hell break loose?” You ask but before he could answer, the front door clicks open and Taehyung enters holding grocery bags.

“Hey Jimin, the store didn’t have your favourite ramen so I got another type-“ Taehyung begins but he stops short when his head lifts up and he meets your gaze. Time seems to stand still as the two of you look at each other. Taehyung’s is one of shock while a small unsure smile is painted upon your lips. It’s been almost half a year since you’ve seen Taehyung. You avoided him like the plague during exam season and then you disappeared to Jeju Island. He’s still as beautiful as the day he walked out of your room. Except now, his mullet is gone and in place a shorter version; and his hair is no longer blonde but back to its natural dark colouring.

“Is… is that really you?” Taehyung asks and you not shyly, unsure why you’re so unnerved. Taehyung immediately drops his bags and stalks over to you and before you know it, his arms are wrapped around you, pulling you close to his chest and encasing you in his embrace. You breathe out a sigh of relief and hug back. Maybe this would be easier than you imagined.

“Surprise!” You say quietly but Taehyung ignored it, instead he holds you at arm’s length and takes in every inch of your appearance.

“I can’t believe it’s you. I can’t believe you’re back. I missed you. I missed you so much, please don’t ever leave me again. I love you” Taehyung confesses and you freeze, your brain short circuiting for a bit but before you can respond, Taehyung’s lips are locked against yours. Your eyes widen in shock and you stand stock-still for a couple moments before your brain registers exactly what is happen. You quickly struggle against his hold and finally managed to break away, pushing him off of you. Taehyung looks at you in shock and you regard him in disbelief and anger.

“What do you think you’re doing? You can’t just kiss me like that Kim Taehyung! What made you think that was okay?” You cry, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“What? Why not? I love you. I’m sorry, I was such an idiot before and it took you leaving for me to realise just what I feel for you. I know it sounds like a cop out and you have no reason to believe me after what I said, but I dolove you. And I’m willing to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I love you” Taehyung says and you scoff in incredulity.

“Are you fucking kidding me Kim Taehyung? You’re right I don’t believe you. I don’t want to believe you. You told me you could neverlove me the way you love Hyorin. Speaking of, where is she? We made the mistake of cheating once, I won’t do it again” You spit out, ire rising with each passing moment. How could he do this to you? You were finallymoving on and here he was, throwing a wrench in your work. Well you wouldn’t allow it, you refuseto be a part of his game anymore.

“I broke up with her. I was an idiot. Such an idiot, I never should have ditched you. I never should have distanced myself from you. I love you. I love you so much and I know you love me. So please, just give me a chance” Taehyung pleads, reaching one hand out to grab yours. You pull it away and shake your head at him.

“Yeah, you were. But that’s in the past. I can’t give you a chance anymore. I’m sorry, you lost that the minute you walked out of my door that day. You left me completely broken. You hurt me, in a way I never expected you to. I’m fine now, I got over it. But I’m sorry to say Taehyung… I don’t love you anymore” You whisper and you yourself are startled by the truth of your words. But it’s true. You don’tlove him anymore. All those feelings are replaced by placid feelings of fondness for your best friend and nothing else.

“No. No, you don’t mean that. You love me. You’ve loved me for years. You can’t be over me so easily. It’s only been half a year. You love me. Please tell me you love me” Taehyung begs, tears pooling in his eyes and a part of you aches for him. You know exactly what he’s feeling; the desperation to be loved by the one you love. But you couldn’t offer him that solace anymore.

“I can’t. I can’t say that, because it’s not true. I love you Taehyung, but not in that way. Not anymore. That’s what happens when you’re hurt that muchby the person you love. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry to do this and I hope one day we can go back to being friends. But any romantic notion of me and you, died that day Taehyung” You say with a small sob, you hadn’t even registered you were crying. But these tears aren’t for yourself. These are for Taehyung. These tears are for the heart you know you’re breaking with your words. But you can’t lead him on. You can’t do what he did to you for so long.

“NO! No! Please, I love you” Taehyung implores and you desperately wish he had done this months ago. But it’s too late now. His confession is far too delayed and you can’t help but wonder if you and Taehyung were cursed with nothing but missed opportunities and incorrect timing. In another world, in another life, you could see yourself with Taehyung. But not in this life. Not in this world. You were happy with Jungkook and you weren’t going to give that up.

“Is everything okay?” Jungkook asks as he walks our wearily, he regards Taehyung with a guarded expression before his eyes fall onto you. His eyes widen in panic at your tear streaked face; he quickly walks over to you and pull you into him. His hand cups your cheek and lifts your chin up to look at him.

“____? Are you okay baby? What’s wrong?” Jungkook ask and the concern etched onto his face only makes you cry harder. You’re convinced you don’t deserve him, but you’d be damned if you were letting him go. So, you do the only thing you can. You pull him into a kiss and pour out all your emotions into it. It’s not love and Jungkook knows it, but right now it’s the closest thing to it and he’ll take it.

“Take me away. We can unpack later, but right now. I just want to watch the sunset with you” You whisper and Jungkook immediately nods. He runs into your room and grabs both your jacket before he grabs your hand and tugs you along with him. He waves Jimin goodbye and regards Taehyung with an apologetic look before leading you out of your flat. You stop briefly and turn to Taehyung.

“I’m sorry Taehyung. I really am” You whisper and then Jungkook shuts the door.

This time, Taehyung watches you leave. His chest feels likes its being caved in and he’s filled with despair. He watches you leave with Jungkook, your hands entwined and he wants nothing more than to be in his place. But he saw the hint of love in your eyes when you looked at Jungkook. It’s not as strong as how you used to look at him, but it’s there and his heart shatters. When he finally hears the door shut, he knows that this is the end. You’ve walked out of his life, once and for all. There’s no more you and Taehyung. He lost that right a while ago. Doubt clouds his mind and he ponders the what ifs. What if he realised his feelings sooner, what if he ran after you? What if he’d never walked out that day? Maybe, just maybe he’d have you in his arms right now.

But he can’t change the past.

He can’t change the inkling of love you have for Jungkook.

He can’t make you love him again.

And Taehyung briefly wonders, how do you cope with losing something you both had and didn’t have?

A/N: This AU took everything out of me. So I hope you enjoyed that!

Masterlist

[enbycalicocat]

Day 5: 31st of January, 2021

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A few days ago, my psychologist posed a question that turned my life upside down. And when I said upside down, I really meant it. Sleep had eluded me for the last week. My head was full of only that one question, the words resounding over and over again, like bells tolling.

 "Are you going to keep your name? Or do you want to change it?"

 Never in my life had I thought about changing my name. Not once. So, my psychologist's words took me by complete surprise.

 "Change my name? Why? For what?"

 "What do you mean why?" The woman had asked me, as surprised as me. Suddenly, she seemed to understand something and she became uncomfortable. "Well, Lindsey, many people in your situation, most of them in fact, change their names."

 'People in your situation.'

Just like her, I understood all at once.

 And it was true, a lot of transgender people decided to change their names when they started to transition. But I hadn't thought about that. In fact, I didn't want another name. I was very sure.

 "Lindsey," the woman in front of me said, "Your life, your feelings, your thoughts, do not need to be like everyone else's. You are your own person, and there's nothing wrong with that. Do not think you have to change your name. Just consider it as a type of healthy self-examination. Something to get to know yourself better and nothing else."

 I didn't think there was anything healthy in the way I had been thinking about her question, though.

 "Lin!" James' voice rang loudly, almost right next to my ear.

 My body jerked involuntarily and I turned to look at him with wide eyes. My boyfriend's face crumpled like paper and my heart gave a painful pang.

 Girl, could I have made it any more obvious that I hadn't been paying attention to him for the last god-knew-how-many hours?

 "I'm sorry," I said immediately, my face crumpling right along with his. "Honey, I'm so sorry. Really. There's no excuse. I should be listening to you. I'm the worst."

 James sighed wearily and shook his head.

"Lin, baby, just tell me what's going on with you. Please. You're killing me here."

 Looking away guiltily told James exactly what I'd been thinking about, no need for words.

 "The name thing? Still? Lin, why is this eating you up so much!"

 "Because I don't know what to do." The whine in my voice was childish and silly but I didn't care. I was sick and tired of thinking about the name thing too!

 "Okay. You know what. Let's go over this. Together. Let's debate and discuss and talk and put it out in the freaking air because I don't want it to rot in your head and rot your brain along the way."

 A small smile made the corners of my lips lift a bit but then it was gone. He was trying to lighten up the atmosphere. It didn't work at all, though. Still, I gave him A+ for effort.

 "Let's see. Do you want to change your name?"

 "I don't know." The whine was back and there was nothing I could do to avoid it.

 "Alright..." James said as he thought. "Do you like your name?"

 "I love it. You know this. I have always adored it to bits and pieces."

 "Yeah, baby, I know, but I wanted you to say it again." James gave me an encouraging smile, as if we were making progress. I couldn't see any though. "Why do you think other trans people change their names?"

 That question took me by surprise as I wasn't expecting it. We were talking about me, why did he suddenly want to discuss other people? However, instead of saying anything, I considered what he'd said. If James was bringing it up, there was a reason

 "Well..." I mused. "Maybe because of their past? Because they want to separate their lives? I mean, if they had a very hard time while living under their old name, even more if it didn't align with the gender they identify with, they would change it when they transitioned. That was their old life. This was their new life. Each marked with a name. And that's not even considering the possibility that their parents, the ones that chose their original name, might not support them or they don't accept them. So, that name carries a lot of memories and emotions, and if they're not the type of emotions they want in this new beginning, it makes sense to shed it."

 "Those are very good points." James mused, watching me with shiny, happy eyes. It made my heart skip a beat. Why was he looking at me like that? "Do you feel like that? Do you feel like your name is carrying a lot of emotions you don't want to take onto this next chapter of your life?"

 Through my mind flashed many different images and scenes.

The first time I finally found the courage to go out in a dress, with make-up, and a wig. That time I presented myself as Lindsey. It was also the first time I ever dated, kissed and had sex with someone as me. The me that's a girl.

Moving out of my parents house to a new city. I had lived in the dorms and entered into university, as a girl. The administration knew of me and my case, and were not against keeping my indentified gender from my parents. I had gone to class, made friends, talked to teachers, handed in projects and essays, all as Lindsey.

That photography class in which I met James. With me as Lindsey we'd fallen in love, graduated, found steady jobs, bought a house together and adopted a little kitten.

Lastly, that Thanksgiving, when I told my parents that I didn't identify as a boy, and then presented them my girl 'side'. They had been silent the whole while. And when they saw me dressed with a wig, girl clothes, and heels and the way I walked, my mother started crying. At the time I thought I would be rejected, insulted, humiliated, that my parents wouldn't love me anymore. But then my mother asked me why I had taken so long to tell them. My father looked me in the eyes with unspilled tears and asked if I didn't trust them. Turns out that when they saw me, the way I carried myself, and my change in behavior, it had become glaringly obvious to them that I'd been a girl for many years already, and hadn't said anything. They never noticed a single thing, never suspected, never knew, until that day. In the conversations that day, although there were a lot of changes and things they had to adapt to, there had been no mention of names, I had stayed as Lindsey.

 "My name," I began after a long time of silence, "carries a lot of good memories. A lot of love and support and care and courage. I want those emotions in my new life."

 James gave me a fond smile this time and I felt my chest get warm. Why was he looking at me like that? I hadn't done anything for him to look that proud.

 "That's really good to know." James' voice was so soft right then. And I knew, that he was really happy with me right now. "Now, let's use our imagination. You ready?"

 "Yeah," I said with a smile because his happiness was really contagious.

 "So, suppose you have to change your name. Like, there's no choice. You're forced to pick a new name with which to live from now on. What would you pick?"

 When I heard that question, I began to sense where this whole conversation was going. But it was all still very blurry. So, I decided to keep on playing along with my boyfriend.

 "If I were forced to pick a name," I began, thinking out loud, "I would like something that's androgynous, a name that isn't necessarily identified with one or another particular gender. Like Taylor. But Taylor is a friend from work, and also we share some common friends, and it would be really confusing to have two Taylors suddenly, one a transgender man and the other a transgender woman. So, I wouldn't pick that one.

"Also, I want something that sounds elegant. Maybe Robin? But Robin is Batman's sidekick, and even though you're gorgeous, you're no Batman, honey. And I would only ever be your sidekick. Any other case I would damn well be the hero and protagonist."

 James laughed and watched me, his eyes still shiny, his smile still so soft, so tender. I arrogantly thought that he was falling in love with me, all over again.

 "So, something elegant," I went on, because looking at James was getting me side tracked and this was a very important topic. I wanted to sleep peacefully again, thank you very much! "Maybe Sam? No. I don't like it that much. Let me keep on thinking. You know what we really need right now? We should grab a phone and look up a list of gender neutral names!"

 "That would be cheating." James was laughing all over again, his heart not just on his sleeve, but on his face, on a silver platter lying right in front of him, offered for me to take and cherish and love. It was a good thing I did all that already. "You have to think of a name on your own."

 "You, mister, are absolutely no fun at all! I'm sure when the FBI has to reassign their victims to a new state and life and job, and those people have to choose a new name, they go to..."

 A name rang in my head. All of a sudden. Like lightning.

 "Tallas!" I cried excitedly. "That's the name I would choose! I read a book with a character named like that once. It was so good! And I adored the name ever since I saw it. The way it's written seemed beautiful to me, and the pronunciation as well. Ah, but it's not as good as Lindsey, though. But it would do. I wouldn't feel discontent at all if I had to change my name for Tallas."

 James laughed out loud. A big belly laugh. He had tears in his eyes and everything. I just sort of chuckled because his laugh was very contagious, but I was very confused.

 "What? What did I say?"

 "Baby." James took a deep breath and tried his hardest to reign in his laughter. "Will any name be as good as Lindsey for you?"

 Ah, that was easy to answer. No need to think.

 "No. I love my name. No name will ever compare, and I will probably never like it as much. In fact, I would be kind of sad to let it go if I were forced to change names."

 "Then you have your answer." James gave me that absolutely smitten and whipped look again and finally kissed me.

 I was dumbfounded at first, but then I retraced the whole conversation, everything I'd said, and the answer was obvious to me too. My lips split into a radiant smile and I threw myself into James' arms, as happy chuckles and giggles burbled out of me. He was right, I had my answer.

.

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Prompt: 5. If you could pick another name, what would it be and why?

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Previous Day Next Day

[juliabohemian]

backhanded compliments & the art of commenting on other people’s creative content without being a complete twat waffle

WARNING: This is a long post.

I'm a word person. That's probably why, when I do find myself becoming irritated by someone else's unsolicited critique, it is almost always due to their choice of words. Words are important and very powerful. Words have different meaning to different people. Which is why we need to take care when choosing them.

Now, whenever possible, I will click on the profile of the person who left the unsolicited critique and try to get a feel for what type of person they are. Just so I can better understand why they might have left the comment in question. If it is clear they are not a native English speaker, I stop right there. Learning a foreign language is hard. English is one of the most ridiculous languages on the planet. So, mastering its nuances is a challenge for someone who may not have grown up using it. I’m sure I have offended at least one person with my Spanish, at some point. I’m working on it.

BACKHANDED COMPLIMENTS

When I say choice of words, I am implying almost exclusively to something known as a backhanded compliment. A backhanded compliment is a statement that seems, on the surface, to be positive, but is actually an insult. If you are not familiar with the backhanded compliment, I direct you to the mom from American Beauty who says to her teenage daughter "Honey, I'm so proud of you. I watched you very closely, and you didn't screw up once!"

There are a lot of reasons why people make such comments. It would be reductive to suggest they are all suffering from some form of insecurity, although many of them probably are. Some may genuinely believe that they are being helpful. Others may be jealous of the attention another person is receiving and want to either sabotage them or find a way to get in on the action. 

However, it is most likely that the type of person to give a backhanded compliment is either very young, very sheltered or very privileged. And thus, they may not realize that their opinion about something may not carry the same weight on the internet as it does in other venues. Or they may not realize that the world is filled with people who are more informed and more experienced than they are. They mistake their opinion for objective analysis and therefore, offer it freely and without hesitation.

Now, I would like to state that if you see something and you REALLY think it is problematic, you should absolutely offer your critique. Note: if you dislike or disagree with something, that does not make it problematic. Anything that promotes the maltreatment or marginalization of any living thing is problematic. Even so, you should stop and ask yourself whether your critique will accomplish anything or if it would be more worthwhile to simply report the post in question and move on.

That being said, here is MY analysis of some of the backhanded compliments I have received over the years (amalgamated for brevity), and a guide to leaving more constructive/supportive comments for the content creators in your life.

ARTWORK (including photography)

“Definitely not my style, but beautiful.” Do we need to know that it's not your style? If you think it's beautiful, just say that.

“This is so great, but it would have been better if you had used yellow instead of red!” Color choice is a creative choice and its value cannot be objectively measured. Just say it’s great and move on.

“Wow, this is way better than your old stuff.” Do I need to explain why this is bad? I hope not.

“Wow, you're really improving.” Slightly better than the previous one, but still bad. This is a really good example of something that might even feel like a compliment, but actually isn't. Saying that someone is improving is basically saying that it needed to improve. 

Unless you are speaking to your own student or a child, or a really close friend or family member who has openly shared with you their desire to improve as an artist, this is completely unnecessary.

It's important to remember that not everyone is doing things with the same objectives as you. Not every artist or photographer is aiming for technical mastery. If an artist creates something that is very personal and feels pleased with it, the last thing they want is for someone else to come along and tell them what’s “wrong” with it.

Really ANY comment that suggests that the piece of artwork in question would be improved if it were altered in some way is a no no. Unless you are an art teacher or someone has specifically asked for you to give them this information, or you are paying someone to make something especially for you.

FANFICTION (or really writing in general)

“Oh man...I was so excited when I saw your story summary, until I saw the pairing.” Do not comment on a story just to tell the author that you don't like their pairing. Ever. If you accidentally click on a story without seeing the pairing and you are disappointed, your feelings are valid. But there’s no need to let the author know.

"This was good but I don't think (character) would say (quoted dialogue)." Then, you should go and write a story with that character, but where they say different things.

"I noticed you used a semi-colon in the third paragraph. Semicolons are actually supposed to...." Critique grammar, punctuation, spelling and writing mechanics ONLY if you are the author's editor, the author's teacher, or if the author requested it. Period.

If you are commenting to point out what you believe to be a factual error, stop and ask yourself...is this really an error? Is the error intentional? Does the error represent the views of the author or the views of a specific character in a fictional work? Does this story have a reliable narrator? If not, might that narrator be misinformed or biased? And the most important question to ask yourself before correcting an author...do I actually know what the fuck I'm talking about?

Once, in a story, I referenced Copernicus and mentioned that he was imprisoned by the Catholic church. Which we know that he was. Someone commented to leave a long, bullet pointed explanation for how this is a common misconception and that the Catholic Church never mistreated Copernicus, along with many links to articles and videos as evidence. Guess who made all the articles and videos? The Catholic Church. SKIP!

When commenting on a fictional work, consider letting the author know how the story is making you feel. Speculate about what you think might happen next. Express excitement and anticipation. Ask a question for clarification about what you just read. And you can never go wrong by simply thanking the author for taking the time to provide you with free entertainment.

MEMES & JOKES

I love to make people laugh. I have been making people laugh since I learned to talk. This was actually bourne out of an inability to interpret facial expressions. I couldn't tell when people were angry or annoyed. But when they were laughing, I knew exactly how they felt.

That being said, people on the internet LOVE to tell me when something isn't funny. The only problem with this is that humor is very subjective and often very esoteric. I have made memes that I knew were esoteric and knew that not everyone would understand them. I have memes just for birdwatchers. Hell, I have made memes just for a dozen people who participated in a specific academic discussion. But it amazes me how people who don't get a joke are often most compelled to comment and let me know that it isn't funny. How can you know if you don't understand it? Is it so hard to imagine that things exist for which you are not the intended audience?

It's perfectly okay to comment and say you don't understand, and ask for an explanation. But if you look at something and think "I don't understand this, therefore it lacks value" you may have some growing up to do.

Before reblogging someone else's joke to add to the joke, stop and ask yourself whether your intention is to correct or improve upon the joke, or if you are attempting to laugh along WITH the OP.

We've all done this, I'm sure. I know I have. But it really inconsiderate to hijack someone's meme, meta or artwork with a completely unrelated discussion. I can't tell you how annoying it is to post something and check my inbox days later, only to find pages of notifications of people reblogging my shit over and over as part of some completely unrelated discussion.

Once again, if you're commenting to point out a factual error, ask yourself whether the error was intentional. I recently made a meme about the Star Trek films in which Data uses contractions. All of his dialogue is ridiculously out of character, in fact. Which is kind of part of the joke. But someone felt the need to reblog AND comment to let me know that Data wouldn't say that because he doesn't use contractions. Which I already know. Because, well, I’ve been a ST:TNG fan since the day it first aired on TV. I don't even know what to do with a comment that, to be honest. I kind of feel sorry for the other person for not grasping the joke.

So, how DO you compliment someone whose work you enjoy? Imagine yourself speaking to them in person. Imagine that they are emotionally invested in whatever they have created. Consider your objective. Are you expressing appreciation? Or is there something else going on.

And avoid qualifiers. 

When a compliment includes words like "if" or "but" then it's probably not a compliment. You would be so pretty IF you lost some weight is not a compliment.

Choose words that are unlikely to be misinterpreted. 

If someone's art or writing IS improving and you really want them to know, a good way to do that is to use the word evolving. Wow, I really like the way your art is evolving. This works because it implies that the art is changing over time, as the individual grows as a person.

I know what some of you might be thinking...ugh...it's like you can't say ANYTHING anymore! Aww...boo hoo, fam. As a person on the spectrum, I’ve spent my entire life dancing around other people’s feelings, navigating neurotypical subtext and struggling to say things without offending anyone. This is a cake walk compared to that. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if actually thinking about how other people feel BEFORE you share your opinion would require a great deal of effort on your part, it's possible that you're just an asshole.

TL;DR

Creators of original content are actual human beings with feelings. Don’t offer them unsolicited advice or criticism. Think before you comment.

[mst3kproject]

The Strange World of Planet X

The Strange World of Planet X, also known as Cosmic Monsters, was released on a double bill with The Crawling Eye and stars Forrest Tucker of the same.  It’s got a giant spider and a deep-voiced 50’s narrator droning about the terrors of the atomic age, in a film so dry all my plants shriveled up and my contact lenses adhered to my eyeballs.

Mad Dr. Laird, with the help of his assistants Gil and Michele, is baking things in intense magnetic fields in order to rearrange the molecules and turn metal into putty – the general idea is that someday this will allow them to melt enemy planes right out from under their pilots. Would that melt the pilots, too? Gross.  At the same time and perhaps related, flying saucers are being sighted over Britain and a mysterious man named Mr. Smith is wandering around in the woods and getting worryingly chummy with local children.  After a lot of standing around and talking, Smith reveals that he is from outer space and has come to warn us that Laird’s magnetic fields are tearing apart the Earth’s ionosphere, letting in cosmic rays that will mutate humans into murderers and insects into giants!

Since my last ETNW was fairly well-paced and entertaining, the law of averages tells us that this one’s gonna be a real turd, and sure enough… remember all my griping about how Radar Secret Service was literally unwatchable, as in I could not force myself to keep looking at it?  The Strange World of Planet X is like that but with a British accent.  Most of it is just ugly gray people in ugly gray rooms, droning on about whatever at far greater length than necessary.  Everybody sounds like they’re reading their lines off cue cards, the photography was awful to begin with and the degraded print makes it really hard to tell what the hell is going on. Fuck this movie.

The film’s general insufferability is made all the worse because normally giant bug movies are among my favourite types of crappy old sci fi.  What could possibly be more fun than giant grasshoppers crawling all over postcards of Chicago?  If the bug bits were fun, that would go a long way towards saving this one, but of course, they’re terrible.  It’s mostly too dark to even see the giant insects, and when we do see them, they’re nothing but close-ups of live (and sometimes dead) roaches and grasshoppers.  Only a couple of shots even attempt to composite them in with live actors and those are so dark and blurry that it frankly wasn’t worth the effort.

The other main ‘effect’ in the movie is a couple of flying saucers.  These are unidentifiable white blobs when far away, and ridiculous tinfoil models dangling from strings up close.  The pie pans in Plan 9 from Outer Space are worse… but not by much.

What should be the most exciting part of the film is the battle in the woods between the soldiers and the giant bugs, but it’s mishandled in the same sort of way as the supposedly climactic fight in Invasion of the Neptune Men.  There’s no narrative or any characters we care about – just soldiers running around shooting at things.  Where are they?  How close are they to the town?  Are there civilians in peril?  We don’t know.  To be effective on screen, a battle needs a story.  The battle in Army of Darkness is about the need to protect the Necronomicon.  We can see the Deadites getting closer to the tower, as Ash pulls out more and more ridiculous secret weapons to keep them back.  The Strange World of Planet X is just random people and bugs, not even in the same shot.

There is some half-decent magnetosphere science in the movie, I guess.  The Earth’s magnetic field does protect us from the harsh radiation of outer space, although all the most harmful components of that come from the sun rather than from further afield, and such radiation can damage DNA.  This is why the ozone layer was such a big deal in the 80’s. This space radiation is much more likely to give bugs cancer than to make them grow huge, but in a movie I can handle that.  The really weird thing here is that, because they say it screens out the heaviest of the cosmic rays, they call the ionosphere the ‘heavyside layer’.  I would not have thought it possible that Cats could make less sense and yet here we are.

If you want some proper Crap Movie Science, there’s their explanation of how the monsters grew so big – mutations for size were able to pile up quickly because insects breed fast and therefore evolve fast.  I guess this makes more sense than individuals growing out of control as a result of whatever… but they appear to have applied it to a whole range of creatures regardless of their actual life cycles. Some insects do breed quickly, but quite a few of them have specific seasons and conditions for it.  This feels like a nitpick, though… I mean, by watching a giant bug movie I’ve already accepted that they can become huge so I should probably just shut up.

As an interesting note, Smith mentions that on his home planet there are giant dragonflies.  He doesn’t say how giant, though he implies they’re big enough to ride on. Firstly, man, I wanna ride a giant dragonfly!  Second, this tells us that Smith’s home planet has more oxygen in its atmosphere than Earth, because the reason insects can’t get bigger than they do is because they don’t actively breathe, but have to let oxygen diffuse into their tissues on its own (this is why there were six foot millipedes during the Carboniferous era — more oxygen in the air). The writers, sadly, do not seem to have known or cared about this, since Smith himself shows no signs of having to adjust to our atmosphere.  Missed opportunity there.

Since this is me, of course I’m gonna talk about how the movie treats women. Click the back button now. There are several female characters in The Strange World of Planet X, and while they're pretty bland they do manage to have conversations with each other about things besides men, and the honest impression I get is that the writers are trying really hard not to be assholes.  The first woman we meet is Michele, who has been assigned as Dr. Laird’s new computer operator after the previous one was electrocuted in a lab accident.  When he learns that the replacement is a woman, Laird complains about it loudly, protesting that ‘this is skilled work!’, and Gil gripes that female scientists are dour and unattractive.  Michele, of course, proves them both wrong – she is both brilliant and pretty, the latter mostly so that she can be Gil’s love interest but also at least in part to shatter the stereotype. It's thanks to movies like this setting the precedent that modern films are up to their eyeballs in hot but useless science women… but like I said, they tried.

The script is actually at great pains to emphasize that Michele is intelligent, educated, and the equal of any of the men, at least where science is concerned. Unfortunately, its way of going about it is to have them praise her for every little thing she says and does, to the point where it starts to sound awfully patronizing.  They call her ‘clever girl’ like she’s six years old and it frequently comes across as their complimenting her intelligence in order to deflect when she asks awkward questions.

Naturally there’s a love triangle in this movie.  It appears only to be immediately and peacefully resolved, and Gil’s rival for Michele’s affections is dead shortly thereafter. Why fucking bother?

A tad better-treated is Jane, the little girl fascinated by arthropods (she describes them as ‘bugs’, saying all insects are bugs, but not all bugs are insects.  While entomologically incorrect, this same definition of bug was used by David Attenborough in Micro Monsters, so I’m okay with it).  One of the reasons I think the writers were earnestly trying to be feminist is because they place a girl in this role rather than a boy.  Susan Redway isn’t any better than any of the other actors, but the character was definitely written by somebody who knew what appeals to children.  I love the bit where Jane promises to show her new teacher her favourite type of beetle, delightedly informing her, “they’re horrid-looking!”

The teacher, Miss Forsyth, is another attempt to buck a stereotype. Jane complains that she hated her previous teacher, who was appalled by her interest in crawly things.  Miss Forsythe makes a good first impression by encouraging her instead.  Again, this feels like the writers really were trying.  They want to say that the right thing to do here is to support Jane’s interests and ambitions, and someday perhaps she’ll be a talented entomologist, just as Michele is a computer whiz.

From a twenty-first century point of view, this makes for an odd contrast with one of the other notable features of how women are portrayed in this movie – they don’t come alone.  Adult women in The Strange World of Planet X must have a male partner, and if they don’t start out with one they will be assigned one! Michele pairs up with Gil, and Miss Forsythe accepts a date with the man who saved her from one of the mutants.  This second budding relationship has no effect on the story and indeed is never referenced again, it’s just there.  All the other women we meet are either dating or married… although now that I think of it this may be less sexist than it is a way to make a point of Dr. Laird’s single-minded obsession with his work. Everybody else, even scientists, has time to be a human being – but not him.

I should also discuss one more interesting tidbit offered by Smith. He says his people have been watching humanity and studying us basically since we invented ourselves, and they have never interfered before now.  Why now? Out of ‘enlightened self-interest’, he says – this is the closest humans have yet come to destroying ourselves, but it’s also the closest we’ve come to being a threat to our extraterrestrial observers.  One of Dr. Laird’s experiments, intended to destroy enemy planes, brought down a flying saucer instead!  The fact that Smith is willing to admit this suggests that he is extremely confident about the aliens’ ability to strike back if humanity should decided to start shooting down saucers on purpose.  The finale then bears this out… although it also left me thinking that the film could have ended very differently if only hacking had been a thing in the fifties!

So yet another instance of good ideas, unexplored and badly executed.  Also yet another black and white movie… what is that, six in a row?  Yikes.  See you in ten days, when I promise I will have something for you in colour.  It’ll be like slogging through the beginning of Season Eight and then finally arriving at The Giant Spider Invasion!

[chrollokin]

i hope this doesn't sound weird (off to a great start i know ksksks) but i saw you were a music major, and i've got a muse who is also a music major, could you tell me some tips in writing a muse that's into music? if this is weird though please feel free to delete it!

of  course  i  wouldn’t  mind  !  if  there’s  anything  i’m  able  to  help  with  and  is  semi  -  knowledgable  about  ,  it’s  music . so  i’m  happy  to  do  so  . obviously  these  are  of  my  own  thoughts  and  experiences  with  taking  music  at  university  ,  and  just  things  that  i’ve  observed  that  sometimes  are  exaggerated  or  understated  when  i’ve  been  in  higher  education  roleplays  where  music  majors  have  been  present  .  i  hope  this  helps  somewhat  ,  anon  !

01. music majors aren’t as eclectic with their music tastes as you probably think they are. just because we have to analyse different pieces and genre types doesn’t mean we enjoy it, it’s just apart of the syllabus we’re currently doing, which means we have no choice. i think to authentically portray a realistic muse, you can’t come out and just say wow they love all types of music because they’re just so in love with the subject !  because it’s just not realistic. for example i really hate baroque era with a passion, and then with modern music i’m not the biggest disco or country lover either. 02. there’s lots of different occupations that people can pursue through music, and usually majors already have their chosen paths in mind when attending university  -  though random opportunities do occur. when you look at music as a whole: there’s so many areas in life that it coincides with, and with people taking hybrid courses instead of just core music ( eg. music and photography, music and english literature, music and art ) , the opportunities are limitless. off of the top of my head, in my class i know an aspiring music teacher, recording engineer, song - writer, singer, conductor, music therapist, music journalist, concertmaster / mistress, opera singer, and a production music writer. sometimes talents are scouted at recitals, recommended through professors or perhaps an external source like a music teacher. big opportunities can occur as music is a pretty wide subject and as aforementioned, with a lot of career prospects - but also remember that there’s a lot of musicians out there who have as much potential as you do , and alike most market’s it’s very over saturated , so this is pretty uncommon.03. it’s okay for your muse to not be a musical prodigy at every instrument , in fact, it’s kind of rare. i think in my uni, the most instruments somebody plays is four, and that’s considered above average. to most universities, being able to play one - two instruments to a high grade is better than playing four instruments at an average level. speaking of levels, your grades pretty much always determine if you’re accepted into a university or not. i don’t know how the us works grade - wise musically, but i had to be grade 8 ( the highest grade you can achieve ) to even apply to all three of my university choices, it takes a lot of gruelling work from a certain age to get up to par, so if your muse is just magically starting to play the piano that rivals some others that have been playing since they were 7.. then i would Reassess that.

04. the voice is an instrument. i don’t think a lot of people take into account that music majors who sing are usually accepted for the fact that they’re really, really good at singing ? ? i don’t feel qualified enough to talk about this, since i don’t sing myself ! however, if i ever apply to a roleplay and see a music major, i never see them acknowledging that singing is their main talent or strength, because they usually pigeonhole that sort of thing with acting majors or people who want to get into broadway, something of that sort.  regardless if your muse wanted to be a singer, the best thing they could pursue is obviously, music !

05. practise is necessary. sometimes this imposes on social requirements. i know all majors require a massive amount of time and dedication spent on them, but some of my friends who are majors in other subjects joke about me coming out for lunch or for a night out, because usually, i’m stuck in my dorm room studying for music theory or practising pieces on musical instruments. some people are incredibly lucky financially, too. they can afford to not have a job perhaps because a relative is paying for their fees, and therefore can relax some days, but for us broke folk ? we don’t have that option. days wherein we don’t have to go into work, a lot of time is spent rehearsing. practising an instrument is pretty much key in getting better, and like a car, if you don’t use it in a while, it’ll ( you’ll ) get rusty. i know it’s not realistic for you to play your muse as somebody who never has a social life, but the stress of a music major’s life definitely a thing to explore because i don’t think it’s done enough. a lot of people think of it as an easier subject than others and play characters accordingly, but just because it’s a more creative subject doesn’t mean it doesn’t stress us tf out  !

06. some musicians take music more seriously than others. kind of ties in with the former point, but if you’ve ever watched the film whiplash, there’s a lot of people out there who have the same mentality as the protagonist in that film. some people love music but get tired or frustrated with it from time to time, others want to be the best at their instrument to join musical legends in their ranks, going above and beyond to reach their goals. sometimes said goals are achievable, sometimes they’re not. people in my class know how to balance practise vs rest, and some people just don’t want to rest at all ! there’s so many different personalities in one subject that realistically, you could portray any sort of muse, i guess drive is something you yourself would be good at questioning pertaining to your character.

07. pls don’t overcomplicate an origin story as to why your muse plays an instrument. 90 percent of my class play instruments because their parents, guardians, whatever got them lessons when they were younger, or taught them themselves if they were musicians too. never have i seen somebody who started music after their grandma’s drug dealing boyfriend robbed their house and only left a guitar behind. of course, muses can develop a talent for it coming out of a tough scenario ( fun fact: more recently music therapy has increased the amount of people taking up musical instruments as a hobby by 10 percent ) and not everyone will be fortunate enough to have parents who can afford to pay for tuition, but as always, just make it realistic !

[the-apocryphal-one]

@tsumitarai

okay see there are really twelve days of Christmas, so I can still say “Merry Christmas” and be totally correct. so Merry Christmas, I’m your secret santa! Hope you enjoy!

Mistletoe

The party was well in swing, Chiaki noted happily. She’d worked hard with their teacher to set it up, and it had paid off; sparkling decorations hung from the ceiling, fake snow covered the ground, and a tree stood proud in the center of the room. The table was covered with a festive tablecloth and many seasonal dishes, which Owari-san and Togami-kun were tearing through at an impossible pace. Hanamura-kun was lurking under a sprig of mistletoe, which had a notable empty circle around it; surely that was the only reason Soda-kun wasn’t nearby, hoping to steal a kiss from Sonia-san. Instead he was laughing with Komaeda-kun, who had finally joined in after Chiaki’s gentle encouragement. Everyone was having fun.

As she turned to refill her punch, she spotted a solitary, dark figure and bit her lip.

Well, almost everyone.

It was great that Kamukura-kun had come of his own free will, really. The words she’d said when she’d first seen him enter the party resurfaced. “We spent three years as classmates… There’s no way nothing changed in that time.”

She’d meant that. And she genuinely believed that; even if he wasn’t talking to anyone, the proof was right before her eyes. So she was happy, really. She just…

She just wished he was enjoying himself too.

When it came to first meetings, theirs wasn’t anything special. He just happened to sit beside her in class. And even though she was always absorbed in her games, she’d noticed he didn’t have anyone to talk to or had anything fun to do. She’d vaguely remembered him being introduced as talent itself, so she’d thought maybe they could connect over sharing Ultimate Gamer.

That first match, which ended in a resounding loss for her, turned into repeated matches. Somewhere along the line, she ended up voted for as class rep; pleasantly, Kamukura-kun had voiced his agreement, rather than dismissing with ‘it makes no difference to me’.

For some reason, his approval—if it could be called that—had felt better than the others’. Special.

Huh?! What am I thinking…?

She shook the odd thought away, like it was a leaf caught in her hair, and continued on her trip down memory lane. While the circumstances in which she met Kamukura-kun weren’t anything to write home about, and even if he was surly and aloof all the time, she’d still come to value their friendship. He was almost painfully honest and could usually solve a problem within a few moments of being presented with it. He was also one of the few calm souls in their class, which made him a reliable helper.

If only there was some way to make sure he had fun, too.

Well…! Nothing would change if she just stood her and wished…! Nodding firmly, Chiaki made her way to Kamukura-kun’s spot in the corner, paying no mind to the mistletoe above them. His head turned a fraction towards her, blank red eyes meeting her determined pink.

“Are you having fun, Kamukura-kun?” she asked brightly.

“No.”

Ow. He didn’t even try to be indirect… “Is it something with the party that’s wrong?” she tried, fingers squeezing her cup of juice a tad too tightly. The plastic red cup crumpled a little at the thought that somehow, she’d failed to cater to his tastes. “I tried including a lot of different activities and foods, so there’d be something for everyone.”

“No. …It is the people,” he said finally, when she kept looking at him expectantly.

“Our classmates?”

“They speak of pointless, boring things…carry out the same tired actions… They’re predictable. Interacting with them is a waste of my time.”

Chiaki frowned, the need to defend her friends welling up. “They’re not—”

He closed his eyes. “Right now, Soda is dismayed about Sonia, who is being entertained by Tanaka’s hamsters. Pekoyama is pretending not to watch Kuzuryu as she talks photography with Koizumi. Mioda is rambling about some inane notion or other to Tsumiki, and Hanamura is attempting to sneak under the mistletoe with us.”

“Huh?” Chiaki turned to indeed see the chef inching closer. Instead of looking shamed at being caught in the act, he rubbed his chin and flashed his pearly whites.

“Why hello there, Nanami-san! Fancy meeting here, like this. The snow softly falling outside...the lights, dimming…the mistletoe hanging overhead…it’s quite a romantic atmosphere, don’t you think?”

She gave him a polite smile, stepping backwards. Oops—too far, she thought as she hit Kamukura-kun’s chest with a soft bump. “My romance route is locked, Hanamura-kun.”

“Under normal circumstances, perhaps, but mistletoe is a special case, isn’t it? One could say it’s a key item for—”

“You are an eyesore,” Kamukura-kun interrupted, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Leave.”

Undeterred, Hanamura-kun spun around to face her friend. “Oh? How about you, Kamukura-kun? A kiss from a dark, mysterious man would be—”

“Leave.”

Some kind of aura seemed to emanate from the long-haired boy, then. The temperature dropped, and his red eyes glinted. Despite herself, Chiaki shivered. Hanamura-kun squeaked. “Leaving!”

Kamukura-kun turned back to her as the chef scrambled away. “As I said,” he repeated, aura dissipating, “they are predictable. Thus, they are boring.”

That…was scary. But Chiaki knew he wasn’t. Or, well, not in the sense she felt afraid in his presence. Hanamura-kun was a friend, but sometimes he didn’t know when to accept a ‘no’. And it was good, wasn’t it, that Kamukura-kun was getting angry or irritated? Better than bland apathy. And so, even as she gently countered his words, Chiaki smiled. “Sure, people are creatures of habit—every day I play my games, but that’s not all there is to me. And what you see from our classmates isn’t all there is to them. If you give them a chance, I’m sure they’d surprise you.”

“I doubt they would.”

Her face fell. Her words had been brushed off, just like that; were they always going to be completely ineffectual? No matter how much time she spent with Kamukura-kun, it seemed like she couldn’t do a thing to help him.

No matter how much time…

If he feels no one would surprise him even if he gave them a chance, then, what about…

Even that thought, incomplete as it was, sent an oddly painful pang through her. Before she could stop herself, Chiaki blurted out, “Do I bore you?”

He looked at her, and maybe it was just Chiaki’s imagination, but some of the hardness in his face—the thin line of his mouth, the permanent bored look—seemed to soften a bit. “…No. Your presence is…not a dull as the others’.”

A warm, fuzzy feeling bloomed in her heart. Her smile returned, brighter than before. “I see…I’m glad, then.”

And with that, Chiaki joined him in leaning against the wall and observing the party. Perhaps she should have pushed the subject further, but she didn’t really want to argue. Just bask in the glow of his kind-of compliment, and the presence of her friends, and treasure this moment while it lasted. Graduation was coming soon, so…she definitely had to enjoy the time they still had.

But still…why was Kamukura-kun under the mistletoe? He definitely wasn’t the type to want kisses…maybe he just hadn’t cared that it was over him, as long as he was on the party’s fringes?

Involuntarily, her eyes darted up to the mistletoe that still hung over his head. They lingered.

Surprises, huh?

…No. No way. Don’t think about it, Nanami. It’s too bold. You don’t like him like that—and even if you did, he doesn’t like you like that. You’ll lose all your progress on his social link.

Well, if he asks, you can always say it’s thanks for being here, right? Right! Not everything has to be romantic.

That should have ended her little self-argument, except now the thought of romance and Kamukura-kun was drifting around her head and just not going away. Her face felt warm and hot.

Stop thinking about it too much. It’s just a friendly, grateful peck.

Before she could keep second-guessing herself, Chiaki darted forward and pressed her lips to his cheek. His skin was warm and smooth; contact only lasted a second, but that brief sensation sent her heart racing.

Maybe she should reconsider what her feelings for Kamukura-kun were, exactly.

For a moment he didn’t even acknowledge what she’d done, and a vice squeezed her chest—whether in relief or irritation, she couldn’t say. Then he slowly turned his head towards her. “What was that?”

Did it work? I can’t tell. “A kiss.”

“I am aware. Why did you kiss me?”

“Well, y’know…” Unconsciously, her hand crept into her skirt pocket, wrapping around the Game Girl Advance there. The familiar shape and texture soothed her, curbed some of the nervousness. “As thanks for being my friend, and coming to the party, and everything.”

“I already told you, I predicted Usami would fetch me if I did not come. I simply bypassed that annoyance.”

“But you didn’t have to stay,”she pointed out, and he was silent for a moment.

“Perhaps,” he finally acquiesced, and Chiaki smiled.