#my ways! it takes a lot of brute force but it is rewarding and worth it

[mumintroll]

do you have any study tips?

hiii, im still struggling to learn to become a person who studies bc i was a lazy coaster for so long lol but some things that have helped me are: having a planner where i make a list of all the work i need to get done every day (having everything laid out + getting the satisfaction of ticking a box makes it easier and more rewarding imo), using the pomodoro technique or apps like forest to give myself set time periods in which to work where i try not to let myself do anything else, trying to work away from my house/room whenever possible (in the library is best for me but even just going downstairs to work instead of in my bedroom helps). if u manage to get organised for even just a week, for me the satisfaction that i felt from getting stuff done more than i ever have before makes you want to do it more... if it feels like a slog try and think about how good it feels when it is done rather than the bad feeling of doing it and know that you will reach it if you just keep going!

+ above my desk i have a post it note to remind me of this post which helped to change my mindset a lot lol

[the-holy-ghosted]

*holding out my hands completely unbidden and unprompted*

Hey I heard y’all got ocs in here? Ocs hello?? Hot ocs in my area????

hi im gonna pretend i didnt get this asked to me by somebody else before i clicked a wrong button and tumblr erased the whole post. taking this unbiased opportunity to jump into these characters.

i have had these ocs for upwards of 7 or 8 years, who went untouched for a VERY long time before getting picked back up and refurbished as of about 2 years ago. it is with MUCH pride i tell you that they intertwine very deeply with a friend's own ocs (YOU!! WHO SENT THIS!!) and they've helped me build up these characters into something i'm incredibly proud of and ought to share by now

without further adieu: some pirates, some 19th century fantasy (a LOT of fucking fantasy), and like 8 years worth of worldbuilding that i am STILL not done with. enjoy

FIRST of all let me show you who we're working with:

Who the hell is that?

Leo Blackwater (he/him) - 56 yrs, 5'6'', 152 lbs

Captain of the ship The Eclipse.

Widower of 19 years. only recently decided to open his heart back up; she wanted him to be happy, after all. She's a sensitive topic, even now. so any prodding or teasing on the matter of moving on will be met violently.

Bounty hunter. Smuggler. Doing pirate things, you see. Polite old dad, a warm personality to lure you into a false sense of security and turn you in for a pretty penny.

Disabled after a beam cracked and landed on his knee, breaking it. It never healed right, and hes slower for it, especially in old age. Despite this handicap making him more vulnerable, he does not carry much in the way of weapons.

Eldest of 6 siblings. Son of a humble small town fisherman; perhaps not all that glad for his son's criminality, but the money he sends home makes it forgiven.

Father of one, a daughter, captain of her own ship.

Formed his love for the sea at 18 on his father's fishing boat. Never much respect for the Navy proper. But, after being in the right place at the right time and earning the reward money for a highly wanted pirate, he started to get ideas...

Percius (Percy) Blackwater (they/them) - 48 yrs, 5'10'', 150 lbs

Younger sibling of Leo. 3rd child of 6.

Takes up a number of jobs on Eclipse. Took up the role of second in command after the passing of Mrs. Blackwater.

Respects and trusts their brother's choice in livelihood. Begged since they were young to let them sail with him. Didn't realize what it entailed until they were already aboard.

Unmarried. They're a bit busy right now.

Willing to be called uncle by their beloved niece, for lack of a better word.

Betelgeuse Blackwater (she/her) - 30 yrs, 6'5'', 240 lbs

Captain of The Starlight, all-female crew.

Bounty hunter. Smuggler. Learned her way of living from her parents.

Inherited her face and density from her father, nothing else. Prone to brute force rather than wit and cunning. This works for her just fine.

Quite awkward, if she likes you.

Eldest (and favorite) grandchild, an only child, a totally different woman if you see her around family. Towers over father, but makes herself small for a kiss hello.

Was only about 7 or 8 when her mother passed. She remembers what little she has of her fondly, and greets her kindly when she looks in a mirror.

So whats going on?

What a funny question!!! I got no clue. But I'll start by explaining a little worldbuilding lore (cringe explination incoming):

There is magic in this universe. Not one that's denied or marveled at, but exists as much as everything else you dont pay attention to around you. Its as real as gravity. It's a honed skill in some, frowned upon by others, used unwisely by a small (but not unheard of) few. Magic makes itself present in a number of ways; it's hard to find written rules of these things unless you know precisely what you want and what you believe in. In many areas, some small towns appear to be protected by nameless elements and energies. It's more often that you find individuals who put in the work to harness their beliefs into something tangible, all calling their faiths and abilities something different from each other. Again, its not unheard of for individuals to use these abilities for their own poor intentions. If someone like Leo is lucky, bagging a Magic user is worth every ounce of hassle it takes. He seems to get away with feats like this often, though port authority fears him enough not to ask how. The Blackwaters won't admit foul play, though, if you're in the right town listening to the right gossip, you might hear a rumor or two about Betelgeuse's warm touch and a spitfire attitude when shes angry.

So whats up with Leo?

hehehehe.

As aforementioned, Leo has recently made himself a bachelor. He has no shortage of acquaintances and colleagues in his line of business. His demeanor, if you trust it, is very welcoming to new colleagues. He's not looking for something to jump too quickly into, he's happy to take things slow as he navigates romance again after so long.

And then he captures Roark.

Roark Renshaw (he/him) - 68 yrs, 6'6'', 250 lbs (CREATION OF @skelelephant)

World's worst man.

Captain of The Red Hound, took this position by force at the age of 21. The crew that remained after his mutiny had naught the will to defy him, choosing to follow out of curiosity more than anything else afterward.

Professional menace. High-seas whore. Good old fashioned murderer, committer of pirate crimes as you'd imagine. Terribly smug about it.

Unknown origin, unknown motive. He cropped up out of thin air and has made himself a name to be feared ever since, doing a service to the red flag The Hound flies.

For all his force, he is not one easily captured. For all his reputation, he is reckless. He caught Leo at a bad time, unfortunately.

Roark is a household name among most port towns, wanted dead or alive for the better half of his life by the Navy. His nature is not unlike that of a rabid dog, compared often to his ship's namesake. It is a state of being that none have been able to tame him out of, not by any rotating carousel of lovers he finds among port towns or the enemies he finds in equal amount, and one that gives the bounty over his head a lot of zeros. One that Leo, for all his skill, saw as a pipe dream. Leo knew of him, certainly. Roark has been on his radar since before his wife's passing- they'd spoken of capturing him fondly, joked about like some impossible fantasy. But for all his reputation comes bad habits that lower his guard when he needs it most. Stumbling drunkenly out of a tavern one evening, docked unknowingly at the same port as The Eclipse, he is disarmed and captured before he knows it.

This is a victory unheard of. It seems only fitting that Leo Blackwater would bag him, Roark having not expected to meet his match in such a mild man. Before the crew of The Hound have enough notice, Eclipse sails off to deposit the dog that is Roark Renshaw to the navy for a glorious execution, and an even more glorious reward. Leo has the gall to boast this to his prisoner, who seems almost humored. Hes quite charming when hes disarmed, a feature of his that seeps into the cracks of Leo's resolve and that itch the loneliness that he had yet to satisfy. Hes dangerous even with his hands tied.

This is what solidifies Leo's decision to turn him in. A man who so loved to be chased and so loved the rotten attention he recieved, who needed to be put down. It was a thrill, though, to capture the hound himself and be one of few to ever do so. To be revered as Roarks captor would make one want to do it all over again.

By luck or by the hunger for chase that gnawed on Roark and Leo's ribs, Roark finds the moment to escape as hes being escorted off the ship. Leo, notably, makes a piss poor attempt at catching him.

Seen as a dire fluke from the outside, the captains know it was on purpose. They've found themselves amidst a game of cat and mouse, that gives them a small purpose for at least a little while. You bond very closely when trying to kill each other, you know!

So what's their deal?

Well, their deal is that they *make* a deal.

Though Roark might be a big fish in their career pond, he is not the only one. Eventually, always eventually, there is another to challenge Roark's reputation. He wants the pirate out of his way, and Leo could always use another bounty. But hes slippery... moreso than Roark, who lets himself into Leo's jaws on purpose.

So... an alliance is formed. Temporary, of course, they split this bounty and part ways. So they say. But Roark is a charming man, and fulfills the loneliness and search for companionship that Leo wanted... and Leo is collected and steady, more than the majority of Roark's colleagues. They stand out to each other. They're comfortable. Attached.

So... after the bounty is collected they choose not to end their truce. Spend more time together. Work together exceptionally well. Balance each other out, in a way.

So they're together?

GAY AS CAN BE, BABY.

probably the only existing drawing of them Together despite how much we both draw them seperately.

Their alliance spills over into something... fond. Affectionate, even. A few meetups at a port town turn into a lot more working together peacefully. This leads to some... interesting wires to cross between their own respective enemies, interesting wires between one another. They get to know each other very personally in some strenuous circumstances.

Anyways! Now that they're on the table, I feel a little more comfortable to talk about them more. Draw them more. Answer some questions, if anybody has any. I did leave a lot open-ended...

[writingquestionsanswered]

How do I actually finish a final draft? I'm working completely independently on a comic book and I'm at the point where I know what needs to be fixed, but it just feels so tedious to go in and edit once again because I feel like if I don't reread it completely, I'll miss something. I feel like I've reread it so many times I'm bored by it and can't actually finish the final draft, especially for *just* issue 1. I've tried writing other issues but it just feels like procrastination. help what do

Struggling to Complete Final Edit

Final edits can be the toughest, because you're SO CLOSE to being finished, and you've been through it so many times, you just want to be done with it.

First, I think you have to take a step back and really consider whether one more read through is really that necessary. Unfortunately, that's a game you can play until the end of time, so at some point you have say enough is enough. I've you've already read through it a few times and know what needs to be fixed, I think you have to give yourself permission to just go in and make the necessary changes without completely re-reading. Another thing you can try is making the changes, then going back and re-reading and doing any final touch-ups as you go.

Some things to try to make another read-through bearable: -- Step away for a bit. It sounds like you've already done this, but it's worth repeating for others. Even if it's just for a day or two, setting it aside can give you a much-needed breather and help you come back to it with fresh eyes.

-- Read it out loud. This can actually be very helpful in allowing you to spot issues you didn't catch in previous reads. Try pretending you're doing a reading for fans or performing the audiobook.

-- Change the font color. This is another trick that can help errors stand out more, but like reading it out loud, it's also just an easy way to make it feel new and fresh to your eyes which can cut back on the tedium a bit.

-- Read it in an unusual place. It's best to find someplace that's comfortable and reasonably free from distractions, but also not someplace where you'll feel too cozy and feel sleepy. Just moving to another room in your home can help, or you might try sitting outside (such as a porch, patio, or backyard--just watch out for rain!) If you're able to, try a library, bookstore, or cafe. Public areas like parks, picnic areas, scenic views/trailheads, etc. are good options--just be sure to be safe.

-- Take turns reading it with a trusted friend or family member. If there's someone you trust to read it, who would enjoy reading it and has the time/ability to help out, try making a little party of it and taking turns reading it. If you can get together, you can put out some fun food and drink, sit at a table or on the couch and take turns reading pages or scenes. If you can't get together, you can encourage them to get some snacks and do it as a video call or phone call--just don't forget to send them a copy to read from.

-- Last but not least, if none of these work for you, you'll just have to brute force it. As with all jobs we don't want to do, remember that the thought of doing the work is always worse than actually doing it. Once you get going and find a rhythm, you'll probably find it's not nearly as bad as you expected. Try setting up rewards for yourself along the way, like allowing yourself to have a favorite meal when you get to the halfway point, and going to see a movie you're looking forward to once you get to the end. You can even do smaller rewards like having a bowl of ice cream after you've worked on it for an hour each night. Whatever works! In the end, you just have to remember you've put a lot of work into this project, and you're so close to being done, it's worth it to keep going!

I hope something her will work for you!

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[vecnawrites]

Playing Hard To Get

Everyone knew that Jaune Arc pined for Weiss Schnee. But what few knew was that Weiss Schnee pined for Jaune Arc just as much. The reason they weren't together? Weiss had gotten bad romantic advice. Hopefully, this wouldn't work against her...

The last of my Patreon Rewards for August! And Safe For Work, to boot!

Weiss walked down Beacon’s hallways with a confident smile on her beautiful face. Her snow white hair was perfectly shampooed and conditioned, her tiara was in its proper place, and she had just the slightest bit of make up on her face to accentuate her best traits, making her eyes and lips stand out, accentuated her cheekbones, and all that.

Why all the primping? Well, Weiss was a woman on a mission. She knew, well, more like everyone knew, that one Jaune Arc was smitten with her, completely and utterly. But what no one actually realized was that she was smitten with him as well.

Why hadn’t she agreed to his many requests for a date, then? Well, the answer was surprisingly simple. She wanted to see that he would fight for her. She had read in a myriad of articles and books based around romance that it was very good to play ‘hard to get’, as it would show if the boy in question was truly serious about dating her. If he continued to try for her, he was worth keeping around, worth dating in the long run.

Jaune hadn’t stopped, he had always tried to convince her to go out with him, but he was pleasant about it, always accepting her answer of ‘no’ with grace, backing away only to try again about a week or so later. And he never asked her to do something boring. It was always something that she loved (she loved comedy movies! After all, there was little joy growing up in the Schnee household), or had never done before but actually wanted to try (she had never been allowed near any sort of arcade or even gaming before as a child, being expected to be the perfect heiress at all times)! He even knew her favorite flowers and how she liked her coffee!

She knew that now was the time to strike, as the Beacon Dance was coming up during the next week. Now, she knew that most girls considered Jaune a dork (and they weren’t wrong, he was a wonderful dork), but that left him open for her to snag as a date for it!

She already knew that it would be perfect~ Jaune was always the perfect gentleman, even when it was against someone that was being rude to him-that brute of an oaf Cardin and her own teammate Yang were two examples.

Reaching the Library, Weiss walked in confidently, seeing the head of blonde hair that she knew by heart over at one of the tables, scribbling away at a notebook before him, glancing at one of the books on top of the table.

Walking up, she gently coughed to catch his attention, and when she saw him look up and focus on her, she gathered herself and spoke. “Well, Arc,” oh, how she loathed to call him by his last name, she would be sure to call him by his proper name after this, “I know that the Dance is coming up, and since I know you don’t have a date, I’m willing to go with y-” she blinked, stopping as Jaune closed his book, looking up at her with that sheepish, slightly awkward grim that she adored, but for some reason, this one filled her with dread.

“Actually, I do have a date to the dance, Weiss!” he said, his face happy and voice calm, but both made her freeze as though she had just heard some of the most dark, foul, and violent vitriol to ever grace her ears.

“R-Really?” she hated how weak her voice sounded, how faint it was, the sinking feeling only growing as Jaune gathered up his finished work and stood, nodding to her with a smile. “Yeah, she even asked me, rather than the other way around with me asking her, so it was a nice surprise! I’m sorry, but I can’t stay and talk; I have a team training session with Pyrrha, Nora, and Ren! I’ll talk to you later?”

Weiss found herself nodding weakly, wondering where things had gone so wrong as the boy she wanted left the library. She had no doubt that he was just too polite to say ‘no’ to the girl in question… so she would have to find said girl and… convince… her that it was in her best interest for something to ‘come up’ the night of the dance and allow her to go with her Dork Knight.

~

Weuss was going to have to give up, as much as she despised the very thought. All of her investigations had come up with nothing. She knew that it wasn’t Pyrrha: her largest rival for Jaune’s affections wouldn’t have been quiet about going to the dance with him. She’d have been singing about it from the rooftops.

Her own partner was also out as well; after all, Ruby was not only the only one of her team to know about how she truly felt about Jaune, she also only saw Jaune as her ‘goofy bestie’. Which wasn’t bad at all in her case. It meant she had someone to talk to about her feelings.

But that still left many candidates: the chocolate skinned, green haired girl named Emerald Sustrai eyed him in interest several times, as did the beret wearing Ciel Soliel from Atlas, and even the beanie wearing sniper from BRNZ, May Zedong had been eyeing him enough to make her feel uneasy. A scowl formed on her face at the thought of one of those… those hussies taking her man!

...but, she hadn’t figured out who it was, and tomorrow was the dance. She hadn’t bothered to see if anyone else would go with her, not when the only person she wanted to go with wasn’t available. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to attend anymore. She wouldn’t enjoy it.

She sighed, shaking her head as she saw the person of her desires walking towards her, that sweet smile on his face. She swallowed, but forced a smile to her face. It wasn’t like a lady to be sour at someone else’s happiness… even if it hurt.

“Hey, Weiss, how are you doing?” he asked, making her smile become more genuine, even if still being sad.

“Hello, Jaune… how are you doing?” she saw him frown, and panicked a bit, she didn’t want him to know that she was feeling sad! She watched as he bit down on his lower lip a bit, looking at her with his deep blue eyes.

“I’m doing okay. Prepared for the dance tomorrow, how about you?” she felt the sting again at the knowledge that he would be going with someone else, someone that wasn’t her. Horrifyingly, she felt tears building in the corners of her eyes, and quickly focused her gaze down towards the floor so he wouldn’t see them.

“O-Oh, that’s nice…” damn her for sounding so weak! “I...I really hope you enjoy your date with w-whoever it is…” she sniffed, feeling the tears beginning to make their way down her cheeks-

“IT’S YOU!”

Weiss froze, two single tears dropping from her face to fall on the floor as her eyes widened, hearing those two, powerful words. She looked up, seeing him looking at her with a sad, but warm smile on his face as he reached out and gently wiped her cheeks clean.

“It’s you, Weiss… you asked me in the library, remember?” Weiss’s mind flashed back to that day last week, and their conversation, specifically, her saying that since he didn’t have a date, she would-a small gasp left her lips, and more tears built up and flowed down her cheeks, but these were ones of happiness.

He hugged her gently, and she sank into his hold happily, inhaling his scent, crying steadily now. “Let’s have a lot of fun, just the two of us, okay?” she croaked out, feeling Jaune nod against her head. “I’ve thought a lot about this all, so I hope you can keep up with me.” another gently nod and a hand cupping her cheek as she hiccuped, carefully wiping her tears away.

Weiss couldn’t wait for the Dance now. She was just thankful she had gotten her dress ready when it was first announced!

[brightlycoloredteacups]

King of Traitors

Series: Brynhilda’s Saga

Pairing: Ivar x OFC

Warnings: None for this chapter

Tagging: @salt-is-a-terrible-currency

****

The Cliff of Cliffs had a cave system. As a child, Brynhilda had explored the systems to such an extent she still knew what paths lead to where. From the information she’d gathered, thanks to a recon mission gone very right, she knew that Boggvir’s men were situated right against the cliff, next to a crack that opened right in the middle of the camp. 

She has a plan to sew some chaos into the camp, not much, just enough to put the men on edge. Brynhilda’s force is small, excluding herself, there were seven in total that followed her. Alf, Dorfi, and five of the bravest women in the whole camp. The men that would have volunteered to come had other jobs to do. She turns to her people, “Remember, you can take as much as you can carry, but destroy supplies. Keep as quiet as you can, for as long as you can. If you get caught, I won't be saving you.” Everyone nods in understanding. “Good, lets go.” 

She sent other groups out that night that were going to help with creating chaos. One was setting up traps in the forest. In the early morning, they’d try to get a group of Boggvir’s men to follow them, and neutralize a small portion of the army. Another group was situated on top of the cliff, ready to fire arrows down at the enemy at a random time in the night. Yet another group was going to try and lead a small group of the enemy into a small skirmish to the south. 

Brynhilda didn’t have the bulk Boggvir did, even now, at the height of her popularity. She had to resort to guerilla tactics for the next few hours in the hopes of weakening the enemy, tiring them out, depleting some of the massive army. 

So many opportunities to go wrong...yet the reward was worth it. 

Brynhilda leads her group through the caves with no problem, out the otherside with only the smallest of sounds. When she finally saw the last woman out of the cave, she hisses,“Find cover, quickly.” They do as told, following her behind a stack of food. She looks at them, “spread out, start destroying supplies. Food, weapons, shields. Throw things into the ravine, steal things, I don't care. Get going.” Everyone disperses at her orders. They had one hour to complete their tasks before the attacks began. Then, they either get caught in the fight, or they escape without a scratch. 

For an entire hour, Brynhilda is on edge, anything could go wrong. Luck holds with her. She manages to find weapons just laying around the camp, just as she expected. It’s a pity that she has to give Boggvir this sorely needed reality check.  

Her confidence is slowly returning. She can do this, they can do this. A soft caw from one of the crows that perpetually follows her tells her it's time to go. She rushed back to the hole in the cliff, seeing most of her group. “Where is Dorfi?” She asks. “We don't know,” Alf tells her, “lost I expect.” Brynhilda curses. “Go back to the camp, I'll find Dorfi.”

“What happened to you not saving us?” Alf says, smirking, “Clearly I lied.”

”I saw him go towards the edge of the camp, toward the log trap.” A woman tells her. “Thank you,” Brynhilda turns heading back towards the camp, stopping when her group moves with her. “Go back to the camp,” 

“Not without you,” Alf says. “Look-” Brynhilda begins to argue, but Alf cuts her off,  “Don't bother arguing. We aren't leaving without you.”

“Well, don't blame me when we're still stuck here when things go to shit.” Brynhilda mutters, moving herself and her group towards the edge of the camp. It occurs to her that Dorfi really might be working for Boggvir, thus leading her into a trap. She grips her sword tighter, she'd behead him if that were the case.

She doesn't have to wonder about it though, as she hears Dorfi's voice through a tent. “I don't know anything about Brynhilda.” he says defiantly. She smirks, she loves it when she's wrong. “Oh? She didn't send you here to curse us all?” Someone sneers. Their voice is gruff, someone she doesn't recognize. She motions of her people to surround the tent. “Do you really think Brynhilda is someone that believes in curses?”

“Yes.” There was an awkward pause, “Do you think Brynhilda is someone who would use curses?” Dorfi rephrased. “Look, we all know Brynhilda wants us dead,” she steps into the tent for dramatic effect, cutting off the man’s tirade. She’s angry when she sees Dorfi beaten and bloodied. For a moment, she has to wonder if he really kept her secrete despite the torture.  “You're right, I want you dead,” she says. Before the man can even yell or draw his weapon, she runs him through with her sword, covering his mouth so he doesn't make much sound. 

Dorfi looks at her, smiling. He gets off his knees and stumbles out of the tent. Sheathing her sword, she follows him, bringing out a dagger from its holster and cuts his restraints. “What happened to not coming to save our asses?” Dorfi asks, delighted. Brynhilda just pats his shoulder. 

They were going to sneak back to the hole, but one of her ravens caw, loudly so everyone can hear it, a warning sign that her other plans are about to be set into motion. “Shit,” she mutters. Everyone readies their weapons, “There isnt enough time to escape,” Dorfi warns her, watching as people are now pouring from the tents, wondering why the fuck a raven is cawing in the middle of the night. 

“Please tell me you disabled the trap.” Alf says. Dorfi snorts, “course I did!”

“Tight circle,” Brynhilda instructs, bringing her shield in front of her. They form a tight ring as shouts of intruders begin to go up, now alerted to their presence. Men surround them. “Brynhilda, I don't like this,” Alf mutters, “Oh really?” Brunhilda snaps, “What's not to like? We're trapped in the middle of an enemy camp, surrounded, with fucking no way out.”

“Someone's testy,” Alf mutters, “She needs a nap,” Dorfi explains, “she gets cranky without her beauty rest.”

“I hate you both.” She mutters, bracing herself for an attack. The dam of tension breaks as soon as a random enemy charges at her and hits her shield. Everyone begins to shout, fight, run. Its utter chaos. 

Brynhilda wants to throw herself into the fight with wild abandon, her very being craves the blood shed, demands it, but she's divided. She has to get her people to safety. They have to survive. She defends them more than she fights. 

The enemy, composed of men she's led in battle, are confused at the new tactic. She's a brute force fighter, she charges and her opponent dies. Now she's yelling coherent instructions, staying back and helping her people. It confuses the enemy, makes them hesitate. 

Her new friends are just as adept at fighting as she is, a tall blond clears a path, striking so quickly anyone barely has time to react. Dorfi is clearly a distance fighter, throwing numerous little knives into the fray. The women dart in and out of small pockets of enemies, taking down two or three at a time. They work as a team and manage to get to the border, where fighting only grows heavier. 

The group Brynhilda sent out that was supposed to charge the side of the camp she’s headed towards is doing its job beautifully. The shock of the trap working had given them the advantage, confusion was sown, everyone was divided. “Retreat!” She yells, her voice is heard clearly over the battle. A horn is sounded and her men begin to fall back. Brynhilda stays until she is sure the last man has gone. She is about to join them when the enemy crowd parts, and she sees Boggvir. 

Her heart aches. A sick part of her wants to forgive him, to run into his arms and take comfort in his presence, most of her just wants to snap his neck then and there. He looks older than she remembered, he looks...terrified. “Enjoy your final moments,” Brynhilda calls to him, bowing, “Boggvir, King of Traitors” with that, she turns and runs. 

*

Her camp is riotous when she gets back. Through snippets of excited congratulations, she finds that all men have made it back alive with no more than a few bumps and bruises. Someone had the wherewithal to break out the celebration food. She notes there wasn't a mead cup in sight, good, mead was after the battle was definitely won. “To Brynhilda the Deathless!” One of her men yells. The cheer goes up, her name reaching the heavens. She laughs as someone picks her up on their shoulders, it's hard not to get caught up in the celebration. “To my warriors!” She says, throwing a fist in the air. This elicits an even bigger cheer. 

When she is put down, Alf approaches her, pulling her off to the side. “Sven tells me there's something that requires your full attention.” She follows him through the camp. 

They come upon her tent, small and unassuming, except for the large boar stitched into the side. A group of men surround something, the air is charged, as she approaches, they part for her so she can see what it is they’ve captured. The Volva that started this mess. She's not so pretty now, covered in dirt, hair wild, half starved. “What did you do to her?” Brynhilda mutters, feeling bad for the woman...only slightly. She glares at the men in turn.

“Your men have done nothing,” the witch says, looking Brynhilda in the eyes, “they were perfectly behaved.”

“Leave,” Brynhilda tells them. “Jarl-” Sven, who’d been among the group, begins to argue, but at Brynhilda's look he stops. They all leave. 

Brynhilda picks the witch up, and throws her into the tent, nearly gagging at the smell of her. “Are you cold?” Brynhilda asks, not bothering to wait for the answer. She throws a blanket around the woman. 

“Enough with the niceties. I know nothing of Boggvir's plan. He cast me aside the moment he got word you lived.” Brynhilda had trouble keeping the smirk from her face. “A wise queen told me once that women seldom have choices in life. We must take what we’re given and deal with it, ours is a most tragic lot.” The volva merely grunts. “She was loved, hated, and killed because she was a witch.” 

“What's your point?” 

“My point is, right now, you have a choice to make.”

“I told you I know nothing of Boggvir's plans,” Brynhilda ignores her, “become mine, work for me, and live under my protection,”

“Be a slave? Ha! I'd rather die,” Brynhilda nods, pulling out a dagger. “Very well,” she gets up and grabs a fistfull of dirty hair, pulling the volva's head back. Before she can even put the blade to her neck, the witch changes her mind. “I'll do it! I'll work for you! Don't kill me please!” Brynhilda lets her go. Smiling, she puts the dagger down, “I'll send someone to come clean you up.”

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales: Jaw$! or How Lena Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Webby (Lena Retrospective Commissioned by WeirdKev27)

Trigger Warning: Part of this review contains discussions of abuse which can’t be avoided but I still want to be senstive to my audience and any trauma they’ve gone through.  Welcome back weblena world to Shadow Into Light: My Lena Sabrewing Retrospective. And Jaw$ is here, long live Jaw$. Tiffany was a shark who bites the law she was in an episode i’m reviewing called Jaw$. 

And it’s the money shark before the storm as next month i’ll be going from two Ducktales reviews a week with the Lena retrospective and the last few episodes.. to three, as i’ll ALSO be covering the Della arc from season 1 in the build up to shadow war. And if your wondering if I expertly planned this to coincide with the finale, to the point the shadow war review and those leading up to it will be on the same week as the finale.... nope. I just got REALLLLY lucky as I already had all of that planned out, and the schedule for the  new episodes happened to synch up perfectly, ending just in time for me to revisit the series start and having Magica’s big in person appearance reviewed a week after we get her backstory in Life and Crimes. Though I am VERY happy it worked out this way as I get to properly celebrate the series end with more ducks than ever, and get to cover the pilot the same month as the finale, all things i’d of loved to do anyway and probably would’ve rejiggered my schedule to do. Point is lot of Ducktales content coming for this blog if you like that so stay tuned, but for now join me won’t you under the cut as we dive into a money bin of gay ducks, shadowy machinations, and Bad PR. 

We open as Lena and Donald awkwardly sit on the couch, waiting for Scrooge and the Kids to get home. Understandably it’s just.. dead silence.Given their a cynical teenager secretly working for and forced to obey a horrifying shadow monster and a 35 year old man who dosen’t like living in this house due to painful memories of his presumed dead sister.. and painful memories of pain in general, you have a huge awkward bowl of chips and “I really don’t want to be here right now”. 

Our heroes return though, and Louie tries to take some of their haul for himself but Scrooge stops that “It goes in the bin not to next of kin. “... Man in a Hurry if you would please. 

Thank you. Man in a Hurry everybody. He has to go now, he’s in a hurry. 

 As you can probably guess I do not like this, as it reminds me WAY too much of Scrooge’s worst “quirk” in the comics: how he’d barely pay his nephews, who are often hard up for cash mind you and one of whom is supporting three children ALONE, take them around the world and reap all the benefit for their hard work. It’s not like he did nothing, he did, but it’s way to exploitive for my tastes and can often sink a story if taken too far. It’s not AS bad... but they all went on the mission they all deserve at least something. I DO get keeping the rarest and most dangerous stuff for himself, as he is bankrolling things and does have two bins and a massive garage to safetly store them. But this just comes off as douchey for this version, who while liable to make mistakes with them, is far more nurturing towards his boys and girls. 

Thankfully this was course corrected next season. While Scrooge’s greed was properly restored.. this sort of treatment wasn’t. “Treasure of the Found Lamp” had him undergo character development and realize simply hoarding his treasures isn’t right or fair, and set up a musuem wing so both duckburg and his descendants can see them and get the stories behind them. And on not getting to take things clearly he’s eithe relaxed or stopped the policy as our heroes do have souveneers from time to time. Not a LOT mind, but little things like Dewey having a giant sword or Scrooge outright giving Louie one of his things show he did soften up. Though Della’s return and likely lack of tolerance for this stupid policy in the first place probably helped a lot, I also like to think he did change a bit and realize it was deeply unfair they didn’t get more than a few treasures of their own. So the writers did realize they kind of went overboard here.  I suspect this was more to setup for the episode’s subplot and to make Scrooge’s karma at the end feel justified. Speaking of which we get the start of said Subplot as Beakley comes in with a money cart and the news the board called. Why they called his house instead of his phone I don’t know, some things slip through the cracks when you running both a billion dollar company an da trillion dollar fiendish organization  for world larceny. I mean they clearly worked themselves so hard the other two apparently died between seasons. That or it was the diet of whiskey, orphan tears and grease in a wine glass both had. Bradford always told them it’d kill them though to his credit he only said I told you so twice at their funeral. 

For once no their not mad Scrooge is spending all the money they use to buy fowl jetskis, but because the Company’s having a bit of a PR nightmare now that Scrooge is back in the adventuring game. And we cut to the beanstalk they just adventured on having tore up a good chunk of the town and destroyed large swaths of it just to sell the point this isn’t their normal old man yells at other old man for spending all me money schitck, but a serious problem. As such they’ve booked him an interview with Roxanne Fetherly to improve his image and the companies. 

Scrooge scoffs at this, baffled why he has bad pr as his adventuring is GOOD for the city in the long run: He pays for any damages it causes, and likely at a cost no less which is a LOT coming from scrooge, and puts most of the money he makes on these adventures back into the city and his company, creating more jobs and better living conditions. He does get a wakeup call via  truly hilarous gag as Launchpad pops his head up to say “Good news mr. mcdee, it missed the orphange!” before getting ready to chainsaw the stalk for him. He quickly realizes MAYBE he needs some PR and agress to the interview. 

 This whole subplot really plays into one of the series main themes, one Frank brought up a few months back: Risk vs Reward. Adventuring is entirely about this, that adventure is dangerous, can cost you a lot as we see with Della and the aftermath of her terrible decision making, and can hurt people.. but it can also help people, bring money to those who need it, free those who are being oppressed and open new worlds to everyone. This subplot distills it down great: Scrooge is right that his adventures do bring in money, and as seen with the first episode brought in clean water and power with no drawbacks and only asked to be paid for it, which is fair given he still has to run machines and likely help relocate any workers whose jobs are now redundant to other parts of the company and retrain them. But it costs people their homes and jobs, not forever but still as long as it takes to construct, tears up roads and puts people in danger. It’s plots like this that make Bradford the perfect final boss for the series: He’s someone who blinds himself to the reward of all this and only sees the risk, and raises valid points even if he himself is deeply wrong. He’s right Scrooge causes a lot of danger and threat to the world.. but wrong in that he dosen’t see it’s all worth it for the good of everyone. 

But enough about future story arcs let’s get back to this one, as Webby excitedly greets Lena and hugs her, realizes she’s not hugging her back then gives her another squeeze anyway after claming to hate hugs when just a LOOK at Webby would tell you that’s false. The two are having a sleepover, Webby’s first ever.. and given Lena’s essentially an Emo Hobo and the closest thing she has to home is that starlight ancient amptheater that’s never properly explained. Seriously ancient ruins near Duckburg dosen’t suprise me, but at least tell me what they are and why Magica chose them. And why Louie hasn’t tried to sell tickets to Dewey boxing a gorilla in them. Or probably a possum I mean their on a budget and gorillas snap necks, but still i’d pay to see that as would we all. 

Point is it’s their first sleepover and naturally Webby’s first bit of smalltalk.. is how tucking in can be used for interogation techniques. I’d be more suprised if earlier this season it hadn’t already been shown Beakly regularly enrolls her daughter in the no murder, unless you really want to, hunger games every year. The fact Webby hasn’t become the bat is only because she hasn’t found a costume that’s the right combintion of pinks and purples to instill pantswetting terror yet. That shit takes time. 

Lena goes to the bathroom.. to talk to Magica who we properly get to meet. She did speak last time, but this ep is the one that properly establishes her personality for the reboot: she has clever plans, tons of power, if sealed currently, and is a genuine threat.. but she’s also a bit of a ham, in love with the old ultra violence and really short sighted in her plans, something we got hints of last time as her best solution to the Beakly Problem was  to just leave her to die and hope scrooge and webby, two people who love solving mysteries and unlocking puzzles, don’t investigate the horrifying death, accident or not, of their only friend and grandmother, and that neither, especially the 12 year old spiraling with grief, would suspect a former spy died. Thoguh in fairness on the spy thing it’s plausable Magica didn’t know that, but still it’s a bad plan. Magica has good ideas but is just so obessed with the brute force way of doing things she forgets the subtle approach works better.. and so far it has well for Lena.  Problem is it’s VERY clear by this point that Lena likes Webby, maybe not romantic styles JUST YET but it’s getting there. Webby on the otherhand has been in love with Lena from the freaking concept art which showed her blushing around her.. and that was in her 87 design.. which they thankfully changed. It’s not terrible but it just dosen’t fit well with this universe. Point is Lena is catching feelings and Magica realizes this and tries to gaslight her telling her she’d never acccept the truth abotu her and so on. As we all know and as we’ll see that’s bullshit but it’s an effective manipulation. We also find out Magica’s plan: she had Lena sneak a jewel into the treasure going into the bin, and it’s going to turn into a monster that will seek out the Number One Dime for them. She also vaugely hints that there’s something Lena needs from Magica. 

Once Lena returns, and Webby let’s her rabbit know the interogation isn’t over, she gives her possible future girlfirend a gift: friendship bracelets! They both put them on and it’s really fucking cute.. and will be both a tangible symbol of hteir friendship and a plot point several times, something I honestly hadn’t thoguht about till now. Lena, put off by the gesture not because she dosen’t aprpciate it because of the crushing guilt of lying to the one person who cares about her under the insucrtions of a sociopath, goes to Webby’s big old corkboard which is always fun to look at.. especially since it’s clearly the ONLY glimpse at Hortense we’re going to get all series. 

We’re not getting Grandma Duck either. Though at least Frank actually regrets that one. But the important part is one of the posts mentoniing Scrooge hates magic, something Webby elaborates on: He hates spells, hexs curses and what not and feels them a shortcut.  From the man who has a garage full of them. 

I do kid as I did realize there’s a valid expliantion for this: Scrooge will use magical items, protection spells that sort of thing.. but he uses them like anything else as needed. He’s too pragmatic to not say, use the jewel of atlantis to give a city clean energy and water he can montizie, or the split sword against FOWL.. but more often than not he just dosen’t need them. He collects them because it’s fun, oftne profitable.. and their simply SAFER in his museum wing, garage and second bin will get to in two weeks. He’s seen time and time again how people misuse magic, forget it has a price, or just rely on it instead of actual skill. He’s also clearly been on the bad end of a LOT of evil sorcerers and soreceresses, especially magica. Magic isn’t inherently bad, which in itself is a BIG message of Lena’s arc, it’s just somethign that’s the OPPPSOITE OF everythign scrooge is: sacrifcing others for power, relying on something besides yourself, distance attacks versus up close and personal phsycial attacks.. it was never going to be for him and tons of bad experinces with it only cemented it. He’s just not so stubborn outside of the santa thing to avoid something if it’s going to net him a profit or come in a pinch. 

So naturally Scrooge has banned any magic books from his house, as he has no use for spellcasting and any he’d need to keep for saftey or history’s sake are likely at the archives, but just as naturally, Webby smuggled one in and wants to try it with Lena ducking it and asking to play some games. I”m sure Huey has a few yugioh decks in his room go bug him. But before they can decide on one, the boys attack for a PILLOW FIGHT.... which is a sweet gesture and them just wanting to hang out, but ends with them all eating the ground and questioning why they thought attacking the duck equilvent of cassandra cain was a good idea. Louie decides to salvage it with a swim.. but since their pool has a boat in it he has a diffrent location in mind: the bin.

So while they head off to get head injuries, Beakly tries to prepare Scrooge as the Media are vultures and looking for the next scandal with public figures and it’s accurate. But given Scrooge’s natural mood is grumpus, this dosen’t go well at all and even a spray bottle dosen’t exactly help.. I mean it is the best method to deal with grumpy old men but it can only do so much. 

At the bin we get a lovely bit as Dewey prepares to dive and his brothers treat it like an olympic one, with both doing commentary, Dewey’s apparently response to if he was worried about brain damage was Nerp, and we get the wonderous national anthem of dewdonia. Just nice as well as lovely to see the brothers just having a crack and enjoying each others company with their own weird injokes but without the injokes feeling as forced as they were in “Beagle Birthday Massacre”. Things take a turn though as we see just what magica created with the stone... a giant shark made of scrooges money who eats that fucker in a single bite.. in this case Dewey. Louie and Huey naturally run off panicked.

So while Huey and Louie gain another scarring memory to tell their therapist when their older, Scrooge begins his interview with Roxanne Fetherly who.. honestly just weirds me out. Not for any personality stuff but because she has green feathers. And it just.. really feels WEIRD. I mean green ducks are a thing in real life.. but it just looks off to have such a pastel color on a duck when the other colors are white or tones meant to invoke real world races, allowing ducks to be black, latino, asian and so on and so on coded. That’s fine and blends in fine.. but with that metaphor the green just really dosen’t fit well at all. It feels like an early decision they made, but decided not to retcon or go with for anyone else which makes it all the more weird. We’re 3 seasons in , almost at the end, and the only other green duck we’ve seen was like that because of magic and the offputting nature of it WORKS for magica. Here I just don’t get it and I never well. But naturally Roxanne starts in on invasive, gotcha questions with no real good answers or time to respond, so fox news level questions, and then asks what part of ireland he’s from. 

Naturally that sets him off so while that rant goes on, literally next time we see him he’s still going on about it, we cut to the girls playing truth or dare.. and given Webby’s first question is about deepest darkest secrets the boys once again save her by running in... to report on the monster she created that just ate their brother. Lena brushes it off but does get them not to go to scrooge claming he’ll throw them to the shark himself. I mean he’s not comics scrooge so he probably woudln’t but their also two scared 11-12 year olds so it works well enough. They just need a way to go after the money shark. Enter launchapd who in the second best bit of the episode, says he sensed his best friend dewey was in danger. Beck’s delivery is what sells it.. and I’m not going to question it. He’s somehow alive despite presumibly living off a diet of spaghett-o’s, barely avoiding a car accident on his best days, and as we’ll find out later believing children in costumes are monsters he summoned when he was 8. The fact he suddenly has spider sense specifically related to people he cares about is honestly less of a surprise than the fact he’s not in heaven crashing God’s Speedboat into God’s Golden Castle with God’s Golden Lion riding shotgun. 

So they do the natural thing and.. steal Donald’s houseboat while he sleeps. He has no more involvement in this episode other than noticing it’s back and not in great condition at the end. I bring this up because this is one of Donalds ONLY apperances this season, and it’s part of the larger more irritating problem that he’s hardly ever used.. despite promoting him as a major part of the series. 

I will talk about this more during the Della arc as i’ts more relevant there, but needless to say it bothers me a lot and not knowing how to ballance it’s massive main cast was a constant struggle for the series even up to the final episodes going on right now. 

So our heroes head out on the bin late at night, where could the Jaw$ be she’s nowhere in sight. So they decide to use other treasure as a lure they either fished out of a bin or out of scrooge’s bathwater. How bathing in coins gets him clean I don’t know and frankly I dont’ think we want the answers to that and the idea of scrooge fully naked is so horrifying I forgot what I was talking about.

Ah yes our heroes are playing bait the money monster and find out it’s a shark, and Lena.. is not okay with that and goes to talk to Magica inside the boat. Magica tells us she has a name, Tiffany. Awww what a lovely name for a money shark. I would of gone with Rags to Bitches, but I may have brain damage.  Lena understandabily does not like the idea of getting eaten by a shark, asked to be informed and while Magica is mad at her for going after the thing, Lena reasonably points out that it was this or Scrooge got involved.  Up top Huey tries catching it with a bit of treasure on a rope.. after not shutting up about shark facts because “Facts comfort me when i’m nervous!” Precious angel. But Huey’s leg gets caught and he and Louie, somehow on the latter get thrown up in the air and chomped. Back bellow Webby has a suggestion: using magic. Lena naturally not wanting to blow her cover or really liking magic period is against it for now. 

Back at the interview, Roxanne brings on a special guest to prove people don’t like scrooge: GLOMGOLD!

Glomgold may create some issues for the subplot and we’ll get to those in due time, but damn if it isn’t always a pleasure to see him. He’s also on good terms with Roxanne... are.. are we sure this is local news and not fox news? Taking the word of a conservative greedy billionare over a progressive one seems like a fox move. Though I might actually watch fox news if glomgold was a commentator.  “I propose a red new deal instead of this blasted green new deal, I throw Scrooge to a tank of sharks connected to a generator, the tank turns red with his blood and that somehow creates power! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT MCDUCK” 

So we get the best bit of the episode as Glomgold tries to complain about his building being destroyed which would be fair... if he hadn’t tried to blow up Scrooge’s bin twice this week, with Glomgold going for THREE.. for threee.. for three... it dosen’t go off but it does get scrooge to say he’s glad the building was destroyed. Which is fair but NOT super great PR.  

Back at the shark things don’t get better as Webby and Lena argue over the use of magic, I mean as much as they can argue Webby just wants to know why she’s so cagey about this while they go with plan “Launchpad crash into it”. Launchpad also gives a hell of a monologue. Good on you bud. As you can see launchpad’s gotten 100% better since his low point in our last episode. That’s because it’s clear the writers had some struggle ballancing his amped up stupidity with actual competence, making him primarily jokey comic relief in the first few episodes and I wouldn’t be shocked if Terror of The Terra Firmians was written before a lot of the later episodes despite airing around the same time. But by mid-season he’s got his much more lovable charactersation of a dangerous moron..l but one who CAN be competent and is genuinely charming due to how much he cares about his friends and his job. They also dialed down the stupid down to an acceptable homer simpson level: still a danger to himself and others but hilariously so. Point is they fixed it and while i’ll complain about mistakes the show made I will give this crew all the credit for course correcting time and time again and actually listening to fan feedback.

So Webby figures they tried the Jaws option and lost the boat and launchpad, time for plan Magic. They hold hands, EEEEEEEEE, and try a spell.. and it clearly starts working but almost works TOO well, as Lena starts glowing first purple.. then blue. Hmmmm... intresteing. Lena breaks it off and Tiffany breaks out of the bin.. just as scrooge says on the news his adventures aren’t dangerous. 

Scrooge naturally goes to face it while Webby wonders why Lena didn’t go for it. To make it a triple Scrooge shows up in time to distract tiffany.. with the number one dime, which as lena found out earlier is on his person rather than at the bin like the public thinks. So while Scrooge puts up a good show.. seriously it’s really awesome and really neat looking, though he also gets VERY upset that people are naturally holding out buckets for the cash shark, which he’s not happy about because well.. he did EARN that money. Most bin money is stuff directly earned by him so fair enough. But while he’s you know, Scrooge Fucking McDuck, and thus puts up a good fight the monster eats him.. and gets the dime stuck in it’s tooth with Magica wanting Lena to grab for it, forgetting that minons, while mildly disposable, aren’t really replaceable when your SOUL’S ATTACHED TO THEM. That’s where Magica’s weakness is. her plans aren’t half bad but as I said, she’s far too bloodthirsty and short sighted. She has better ones than glomgold but ironcially they share the same problem of not thinkign them through. And Magica cares so little for lena she’s blinded to the fact her own personal saftey is tied up in her. 

Lena naturally dives for her future girlfrriend and heads into the belly of the beast. And it’s here her REAL moment of truth is. While the one last episode was noble.. it was also easy enough to brush off internal as pragmatisim. Letting Beakly die would’ve brought too much heat and been too easy to quickly go terrible, while saving her got her off Lena’s trail and gave her free reign of the manner. But here? Webby is about to slip into Tiffany’s stomach and whle she hasn’t digested anyone yet given who made Tiffany with it’s likely just because she hasn’t had enough mass to create chainsaws to carve them all up. It’s the Dime or Webby. Lena’s own freedom or the girl she loves. Nothing good comes from saving Webby.. other than Webby. Other than the one person whose truly loved her. I mean think about it: She was created by magica, abused for a good decade and a half. No one but Magica has had a chance to care about her and as we’ve seen Magica only sees her as a weapon to get back at scrooge and not as a person. Webby was the first person she’s ever made a genuine connection with, that’s been there for her, that loves her unconditionally and woiuld be there for her no matter what. And it’s in that moment Lena realizes she can’t sacrifice her for her own good... that after years of having to be selfish to surivive being chained to that monster... she can’t be this time. No mastter what it costs her.. Webby is priceless. So Lena recites the spell, growing bright blue and blowing up tiffany. Lena gladly hugs webby who reciorpates, awww gaybies, and Launchpad hugs dewey. Awww... what it’s still precious he’s a good surrogate uncle. The wacky kind who sleeps in a van on your lawn. 

So Scrooge is glad.. though it’s here his subplot falls flat. Him getting attacked by the media and getting a compupance by loosing tons of money from tiffany is fine. Evne if he earned it, his lack of care did bring this on him.. hte problem is they take it too far by having all his nemies show up, him unable to say anything and glomgold blatantly doing so just to steal from him. Otherwise the subplot is fine, a bit heavy on scrooge being a dick but it has to to work and puts him in an awkward situation. But this ending just feels to over the top to realy enjoy. And the series does do over the top humor well so I don’t know what happened here. But having a bunch of outright thieves steel his money instad of a bunch of citizens who didn’t know better and deserved it for the damage, feels wrong and it tastes wrong. 

Speaking of feels wrong and tastes wrong we get an INTEINTONAL dose of that as back at the amptheater, Lena and Magica argue about the situation and Magica trying to kill her. Lena tries to walk away but can’t.. phsyically. Magica won’t let her. And this is honestly a very crushing and very well crafted metaphor for how abuse victims sometimes CAN’T escape their abusers. Magica is verbally abusive, treats lena like she’s disposable and constnatly downtalks her self esteem. To Lena magica is nothing but a tool.. but like MANY children caught in horrifcally abusive situations Lena can’t get away. It’s a literal metaphor, an da good one, for how you can’t ALWAYS escape abuse easily, and this especially true for kids who have nowhere to go and hte law on their abusers side more often than not. It’s hard to escape an abusive parent and even harder when they dont’ consider you a person. I thankfully have no personal experince with this but it dosen’t make it any less of a problem nor any less noble of this show to tackle the subject in a frank, if fantastical, way, and a good chunk of Lena’s arc is overcoming this abuse and not letting her abusive past drown her. But for now.. all she can do is agree to do what Magica says till she can hopefully be rid of her. But the light at the end of the tunnel’s coming.. there’s just a whole lotta darkness first. 

Next Time: We take a break from the episodes to cover some Lena related comics for a double feature; The first Spies Like Us has everyones faviorite lesbian ducks go on a spy adventure that was never printed in the us for silly reasons we’lll get to and then the 87 ducktales comic dime after dime which features Lena’s predecessor Minima. 

Later Today: Close Enough Season 2 is here! I”m going to talk about it! Exclimation Points! 

If you liked this review feel free to follow for more. And if you have an episode of Ducktales or another animated show you’d like me to cover just hit me up via my asks or direct messages on here and comission it. And if you’d rather just support me on a monthly basis, head over to my patreon. THE LINK IS RIGHT HERE.  Even a buck a month would help and the more of you that donate the closer we get to my Duckcentric stretch goals. The current closest ones are 15, which would lead to reviews of The Goofy Movies and Treasure of the Lost Lamp, and 20 which would lead both to a review of the Super Ducktales mini series, and monthly darkwing duck reviews! So if you like me talking about ducks and want to bolt some duck reviews to the schedule, even a dollar a month would inch me closer to that goal. Eveyr bit helps. But money or not, it’s been a pleasure and i’ll see you at the next rainbow. 

[lupin-the-3rd-case-files]

Bye Bye, Lady Liberty

Target: Super Egg

So my experience with this special is kind of weird because I honestly felt like it was fucking with me by calling the villain group the “Three Masons.” I was certain the translators made an error until about partway through when I realized the organization was originally compromised of the three individuals in the movie. I struggled to get over that for a good portion of the run time.

Bye Bye, Lady Liberty is funny glimpse into the year 1989 when computers were starting to become more commonplace but the collective conscious didn’t really understand computers. This special treats computers and viruses like literal black magic. I’m not joking, even the final “programming” of the neovirus comes off as some kind of satanic ritual. It’s clear that whoever wrote this had no real clue what computers were or what they were capable of, or if they did they didn’t care. 

It’s really kind of interesting to look at this and think “This is what people thought computers were,” in comparison to another personal favorite anime of mine: Serial Experiments Lain. Lain is almost the opposite of this movie, it understands computers fully but chooses to depict them in a fantastical manner. It even predicted many of the popular trends that would come out of computers, including social media (long before myspace and facebook were ever things) and online games. 

It’s just really funny to me to compare these two very polar opposites with the understand we now have of computers.

Anyway, treasure. This movie has two main “treasures” I say with quotations. The first is the Super Egg, a football sized diamond. The second is the Neovirus. Lupin wants the Neovirus so he can wipe his data from police computers because they can magically predict him and his every move. Ultimately the Neovirus takes control of the US and Soviet missile silos and tries to launch strikes on each other but they manage to stop it.

There *is* a black market for viruses but I cannot imagine there being a virus capable of just straight up brute forcing its way into launching missiles. Viruses are a lot more complicated than that, and if Mr.Robot taught me anything it’s more likely that such a fault would be the result of social engineering rather than just a black magic satan virus. I don’t want to calculate the value of such a virus because it’s so fantastical that there’s no way it could exist or be realistically valued as far as I’m concerned.

So we get to my biggest fear when it comes to these articles: diamonds. Diamonds are really hard to value. Especially unrealistically sized diamonds such as the Super Egg. Fortunately, someone did the calculations for a basketball sized diamond on quora and I’m going to choose to trust them since they seem to know what they’re talking about. However, if the diamond was flawless it would be a number I couldn’t actually get out of a calculator so I decided to just go with a normal diamond for my own sanity.

Basically we calculate the weight in grams (volume of a football is about 4800 cm^3 * density of a diamond is 3.33 g/cm^3 = 15,984 grams). We then multiply the weight in grams by 5 to get its size in carats coming out to 79,920. According to the rappaport list price per carat at 10.99 is 234,000 per carat. We multiply 79,920ct * $234,000 = $18,701,280,000. If the diamond was flawless and such it would be worth even more but as I said for the sake of sanity we’re going to keep it there. 

Most unfortunate for Lupin, however, the diamond is destroyed in the collapse of the Three Mason’s tower, its value becoming nothing. Which, I would like to point out, seems silly since aren’t diamonds supposed to be one of the hardest materials on the planet? Instead it gets dropped and shatters like a glass vase. Clearly it wasn’t a real diamond after all!

So with that, Lupin makes it out with nothing but apparently a debt he’s incurred and he’s even flat broke. A sad state to leave our hero on. The special insinuates he copies the Neovirus and succeeds in erasing his data from the police computers, but we assume that’s all that happens with it.

Lupin’s reward: $0

And with that we wrap up Bye Bye, Lady Liberty. It’s a relic of its time to say the least. At least it has significantly less racist caricatures unlike the last entry that took place in America. This special just makes me appreciate Serial Experiments Lain even more than I do already.

Next up is the Hemingway Papers which I think I’ve seen but I actually don’t remember for sure. 

[hermitcraftheadcanons]

i feel like u mentioned having some kind of personal hc bout evil x at some point?? maybe it was another blog, just curious

Yeah, I do have one! It's a little bit hard to explain (and maybe a bit overboard with the lore), but I'll do my best:

TL;DR: Evil X is a past version of Xisuma who got consumed by the unlimited power of admin abilities. Due to timeline weirdness he developed differently than X did and never gained a moral compass.

Way, WAY too detailed analysis under the cut, if you're interested.

Disclaimer: I'm analyzing lore because I like to analyze lore, I am in no way trying to say anything about X as an actual person

So. The three main info sources we have on EX are his abilities, his characterization/personality, and the way X interacts with him. A lot of this stuff is pretty inconsistent in canon but if we're willing to overlook some bumpy patches we can get a few key points.

First of all, to me it seems like Evil X's power set is basically just admin abilities with a lack of moral limitations. He can summon other entities (minions, tnt, etc.), he can replace blocks with other blocks, he can summon lightening. These are all things you can do with commands: aka, things Xisuma himself could do but doesn’t (because self control and loving your friends and all that stuff)

Then, we have EX's characterization (which I'll be honest with you, isn't a lot). If we're going on purely canon information, he's usually portrayed as kind of immature. He does things seemingly on impulse with no backup for if plan A doesn't work, he tends to rely on brute force more so than strategy, and he doesn't really think ahead much. In my opinion, he's also portrayed as very lonely. On multiple occasions his plans relied on trusting an entity or entities (his minions, the voice in the Nether) that later betrayed him, and any time X has tried to be friendly to him he really seems to be in need of that connection and understanding. In general he just gives off the vibes of a lost and hurting younger person in need of some guidance and experience.

That brings us to how Xisuma interacts with him, which is very interesting. He's willing to do whatever it takes to stop EX if he's trying to destroy the server, but as soon as the immediate danger is no longer present, Xisuma shows kindness to EX startlingly easily. It's almost as if he knows somehow that the thing EX needs is just someone to understand him, to listen and help him see more constructive uses for the power he's found himself with. Or at least, he thinks he knows this. In the end X does seem to give up on that goal by banning him, but we'll get to that later.

Now, my own personal headcanon about admin powers is that they can be taught and learned, but some people are spawned in already having a natural affinity for them. I think that X was one of those people, and that Evil X is a version of him from way back when he was first exploring his abilities.

Imagine: having only just come into existence, and then having the power to create and destroy the very fundamentals of your world itself with a single typed command. In the beginning, the temptation to push that power more and more, to stretch it and see just how far you can go, just how effectively you can warp the universe to your will...it must have been overwhelming. (If you don't believe me, just look at the amount of tnt used by the average child in creative mode lol)

I think for the first few years of having his abilities Xisuma kind of let it go to his head. It's easy to distance yourself from every other living thing when you can destroy them so easily, easy to stop thinking of them as living.

Obviously in X's case he moved away from that stage. As much of a rush as this power was to use, he did not want a legacy of ashes. He eventually started learning new ways to use his power, ways that created instead of destroyed, and he found that he liked it much better. He started seeking out people he could connect with, trying to find his own humanity again. He built and protected and felt at home in the peace he'd made, for himself and the Hermits, his new found family. He swore he would never use his abilities like that again.

However at some point in the height of those early days of power madness, X did something that split the timeline. The universe fractured and created a parallel version of himself that never developed beyond that initial destructive stage. How and why Evil X crossed over to the main timeline is up to interpretation (I have a few ideas but this post is way too long already), but when he showed up X knew exactly who he was looking at.

Xisuma thought he knew how to save Evil X because he knew what he'd needed at that stage of his life: to find his humanity again. So, he tried to make a genuine human connection at every possible opportunity. He was always willing to fight if necessary to protect his friends, but whenever EX wasn’t posing an immediate physical threat, he would try his best to reach out, to give him a chance.

What he failed to realize, of course, was that by interacting with EX he'd just changed the timeline. Evil X is now not set on the same path as Xisuma: different events have happened to him, therefore he is turning into a different person. With that fatal flaw in mind, X realized it was not a guarantee that EX would ever move past the stage of power-drunk sabotage. I think Xisuma eventually decided that the risk to his friends and all they had built together wasn't worth the reward, and banned him. It wasn’t easy, but he finally had to accept that the person who’d been haunting him was no longer him.

Wow, that was a long post! I have to say I really do like the various brother or clone headcanons for EX, but I really like exploring the more original concept of an “evil self”.

Still, even my Evil Xisuma isn't necessarily "evil", or at least he doesn't have to be. He just spawned in with incredible power and no experience, and didn't really know what else to do with himself. It's awfully hard to know right from wrong when you have no moral frame of reference. However, if someone were to come along and offer him that frame of reference...say, a certain superhero... who's name starts with a W and ends with "ormman"...maybe he could still be redeemed :)

[starrysupercell]

So... Now that your writing bug is back... Could we get a drabble of Belle and Byron with the sibilings theory? Go ham :)

Lmao. This was at the top of the list ahaha what do you mean

Anyway, I'm still getting a feel for Belle, but for now I'm going for a mix of Kissing Kate Barlow's montage (not the backstory- the tone. Important.) and a very, VERY light dose of Azula... mostly for the siblings thing!

......and yet again I make it a set-up to a story rather than a drabble or one shot. Like some of the other stuff I've written, I wonder if there should be oneshot followups? x.x we'll see..

•🐍• Risk & Reward •🦝•

"Byron." Piper said sternly.

"That's odd. I don't remember hearing a knock.." Byron said lightly. He sat in his chair, faced away from the door, from her, from the world. "Or saying come in."

"There's been reports of the Goldarm Gang being seen around here." Piper went on. "We need to take action. Either hire more security, or outfit the building with further measures."

She heard the rustle of a newspaper page being turned. "There's no need for concern." Came his nonchalant response.

The woman placed her fists on her hips. She would not be casually dismissed like this. "You're looking at the news yourself. You know this isn't just another band of petty criminals."

Byron closed up the papers, folding it up neatly before swiveling around and turning to face Piper. "You're right. I do know that."

He was smiling, in that particular way where he knows something she doesn't. How infuriating... but begrudgingly comforting.

She sighed silently, then smiled passively. "I know there's no use trying to find out what's going on with you. I also came to let you know I'm putting in a request for a week off."

He leaned his head in his hand, frowning. "You have no faith in me, Piper."

"I have some faith in you." She smirked, "I do have matters to attend to, actually. This isn't a luxury getaway. A couple of old friends are looking to start bounty hunting. I wish to lend my support."

"I see." He muttered, looking to the side. "Very well. We'll find a way to manage without you around here. Thank you for letting me know."

"It's no problem." She said, recognizing that tone and demeanor. "If things go well, I can be back sooner?" She offered.

Byron shook his head. "That won't be necessary... You take care of your business, Piper," He looked pointedly down at the grainy quality of the main headline's picture. "And I'll take care of mine."

[ ($) ] [ ($) ] [ ($) ] [ ($) ] [ ($) ]

The rumors were only just starting, so he figured that there would be some window of a time frame to prepare some things. Currently, he was recording inventory, and had plans over the money and several safes he had. (Even without this Golden Arm threat, he was a very careful man.)

He wouldn't be surprised if she had already started to scope the area around here. That no-good, sneaky turncoat, gold-lifting thief of a sister..!

Byron frowned, his jaw clenching and his temper easily flaring at the thought of her.

He sighed, smoothing out a part of his hair with his fingers. There was no use for paranoia or anger here. It'd only hinder him.

He focused about which modifications to his place. Piper was right, but he knew brute force wouldn't work. His sister was crafty, but still lazy no doubt. When you take the easy way out, you're bound to always be a weaselly, good for nothing...

He blinked. Focus.

[ ($) ] [ ($) ] [ ($) ] [ ($) ] [ ($) ]

That week's work of preparation went for both sides. Belle sat with her drink as she checked out the lobby of the place. She had a more casual set of clothes to avoid detection. Jacket, gloves, no trademark glasses. She would stay low.

This place was popular for sure. Reports from other members confirmed as such.

She wasn't so surprised, considering who owned the place, but she was surprised at the ambiance. Cheery piano music, tame audience and a prim and peppy bartender. If this wasn't just a cover for anything on the sidelines, he turned out to be such a sellout!

Belle's grin was shrouded by the held to her lips. Too bad her little brother never grew a backbone and left those control freaks. For him that is. This was just a pit filled with gold just begging to be tapped. And she intended to answer those calls. The sooner, the better.

She downed her drink, and stood. She left enough to cover it and then plenty. As she passed by the performing bot, she left a generous tip for him as well. He gave a grateful bow, and continued his musical jig.

The heist pulled here would more than cover these 'losses,' but anything that goes towards bots was well worth it. Belle idly tugged at her jacket sleeve as she walked out.

They would strike soon.

[ ($) ] [ ($) ] [ ($) ] [ ($) ] [ ($) ]

The first day of the following week, Piper returned. She hummed a tune as she walked into the bar, and headed to the back.

Things went swimmingly. Poco and Primo's friend, Amber, got her start thanks to Piper's investment. Her first job went well enough.. in the end. It was a productive week overall. The group even went out for a celebration afterwards, where, Piper recalled with a fond smile, that mysterious woman left quite an impression on her. She looked forward to seeing her again.

Her recollection of that magical night came to a screeching halt when the ruins of the place came to her attention.

"What in the..?" She muttered, looking around at the broken tables and more.

"Watch your step!" Barely advised, working on cleaning up a section of the room.

"Oh, Byron didn't heed my warning, did he?" She lifted her dress slightly to walk around the mess. "It'll do him well, if he has to learn this way." she complained as ladylike as always, "Maybe now he won't dismiss me, though I still won't think it likely. I still expect to be paid to work too."

"So that's what you really think." Byron said, leaning against a wall. He was amused, and straightened up. "Follow me. Both of you."

The robot and lady glanced at each other, but followed the owner of the place.

"We may have been hit, but I assure you that not a thing of value has been taken." He monologued as he led them down the hall. "The destruction of the place was only superficial, caused by the anger and frustration of an uncouth band of petty bandits."

Piper listened and noted they entered his office. So what kind of trick did he pull?

"Praytell, Sir. You're saying the only thing we have to worry about is the funds and time to clean up the mess?" Barley asked.

"That's right." Byron responded, a tint of pride to his voice. "I've replaced every precious gem and all the gold we've had stashed with lookalikes and Fool's. They've got nothing!"

He walked over to a section of a wall behind his desk and let a laugh escape him as he removed a frame from it. The wall behind was removable to show an empty space. "To add insult to injury, I left the most valuable item we owe in here." He reached in, pulled out the fake back cover and revealed a medium-sized box. "So it was right under their noses, and they left completely empty handed!"

"The most valuable?... Byron..." Piper frowned. "I trust you know well, but don't you think that was a risk? That precious statuette is sought after by everyone. It shouldn't be used as a trophy."

"Quite." Barley agreed. "With all my respect, Sir, you did this without even informing me." He sounded upset.

"...It's still here," Byron said weakly to his defense after a pause. He sighed. Maybe he had let more of his emotions guide his defense of their business. "I suppose.. I was letting things get personal. I'll admit it." He turned the box toward himself, and went to press the combination of numbers that would open the safebox. "Perhaps, I haven't been completely honest either. The leader of the Gold Arm Ga--" As he pressed the last button of the lock, the box lid flipped open and a light electric shock ran through his body, freezing him in place.

Piper gasped. Barley's arm reached out, roughly smacking the metal box out of Byron's hands and into the ground.

The box landed, and the only thing that fell out was a single slip of paper.

"It's missing!" Piper exclaimed.

Barley was near Byron in an instant. "Are you alright?" He asked the man leaning heavily against the wall.

The salesman didn't answer. His eyes were hyper-fixated on the single spilled content of the box. He pulled away from the wall and the service bot and leaned down to pick up the torn scrap.

'Dumbass!' was the only thing scrawled on it. Byron scrunched it up in his fist.

[ ($) ] [ ($) ] [ ($) ] [ ($) ] [ ($) ]

"Shelly!" Belle cheered, "Pass me our winnings!"

A young woman with dark hair and an eye patch grabbed the shining figure of a cactus, adorned with priceless jewels.

She tossed over with a grin, and Belle caught it.

The leader of the Gold Arms stepped on a chair, then the table. "Look here, folks!" She called for attention. Her bandits instantly quieted their idle buzz. "We all did great last night. That slippery eel may have thrown us for a loop, but as usual, we united prevail!! Together, we've hit the jackpot!" She held the statuette up for her crew to see and cheer on. "When they cover this, the Golden Arm Gang will be unforgettable! And if we stick together, we'll always be untouchable!"

Cheers, and their celebratory times went on. Drinking, chatting, cheerful.

Belle grinned and hopped off the table at the crowd's energy. She pocketed the figurine. Life was finally good.

She sat and eyed the bag of loot they took along despite its worthlessness.

Maybe it wasn't so bad? The false gems could be used in a scam, she supposed, Some folks didn't know how to separate reals from placeholders.

She looked through it, and noted a box that had been unopened. Oh. That might have been when they were trashing the place when they discovered a lot of the valuables were actually cheap fakes.

She clicked the simple lock mechanism of the box open, just to sate her curiosity. There was a small, square sheet that was neatly tucked into the recently-opened box that held the mystery fog.

'Dunce.' It said, written in a very neat cursive.

"Ah, shit," Belle said, feeling lightheaded. She realized far too late. "That little...." she slumped forward, out cold. Her golden arm dropped the container.

A poison fog traveled from the box throughout the room, slowly knocking out the rest of the thieves in the hideout. They were fine, but all would wake up in an hour or so with pounding headaches and heavy nausea for days to come.

Just a little gift exchange amongst siblings, nothing more.

[aphelioo]

Quiet Festival Night

((another one shot based on a prompt from @sydneygremlins, thank you darling!!))

Geralt could see the glowing lights of the bustling city ahead in the darkening evening, having just rode in after fulfilling a contract. Thrown over the back of Roach behind him was the corpse of a Kikimora, a creature he found annoyingly common. He usually had to take a potion to fight well enough to kill it without incapacitating himself for a week, unless they were young and reckless, like the one strung over Roach now. To his side was Jaskier, loyally at his heels as usual. The feisty little bard had been with him for about thirty years now, but he had hardly seemed to age. There were a few indications, however; Jaskier had started to grey a bit -- nothing extreme, but noticeable to himself and the Witcher -- and had grown a short but thick beard that also housed streaks of grey. Aside from that, Jaskier had the same spring in his step as he did when he first joined Geralt. There were a few times, of course, where that spring died, and Jaskier would drag his feet to his next destination, usually leaving Geralt behind. Geralt had never forced him to stay, but had always wished it. It was selfish, almost cruel, but he was so used to his endless chattering and song that Geralt was unable to bear the crackle of fire and find sleep beyond his reach, and skip meals, sleep, company, to keep moving. Always keep moving.

He was dragged from his thoughts as Jaskier strummed a new ballad he was working on, based on their adventure last week. Geralt’s bravery when facing a powerful archgriffin, and Jaskier had nearly gotten himself killed because he had followed Geralt about twenty minutes after the Witcher left. He hadn’t yet seen such a beast, and it nearly killed him, but it was well worth the experience and the song. That was another reason Geralt tolerated Jaskier; his music and words grounded him, never letting his mind wander too far into dangerous territory.

“A griffin beyond measure, and Geralt took pleasure/

In cutting down the beast, after it tore through his minstrel/

The gold he’s paid is gone by morn, and-”

Jaskier stops. “Oh that’s bollocks, Geralt, I don’t think I can find a word to rhyme with minstrel.”

“Take it out of the story then.” A jab.

The bard gasped dramatically and pulled out his notebook, slapping Geralt’s thigh with it before he popped it open and scratched the last line.

“Well, I was going to sing about your kind act of spending all the coin you made to save my hide,” Jaskier snapped, but it, like Geralt’s jab, had no malice. They both knew what the other sounded like with venom on their tongue. “But now they get to hear about the minstrel’s sacrifice so the bloody slow Witcher could get a good stab in.”

Geralt grunted, but there was amusement in there. After thirty years, there was no mistaking it. The pair were a couple of unlikely friends, and Jaskier finally got Geralt to utter the word when he pried an apology for what happened on the mountain a couple years after the incident. Ever since, there was the ever usual playful banter, and Geralt slowly learned to relax around him. The Witcher would meditate in a more open area if he was with Jaskier, but it was more a symbol than anything; if Geralt were in any danger, his body would jolt from a meditative state and get him out of harm’s way, but Jaskier didn’t need to know that. Geralt showed his affections quietly, always making little excuses to get Jaskier a gift every once in a while, or allowing himself to let his walls down and let the bard protect him. He was one of the few people Geralt really trusted, aside from Yennefer, Ciri, and the other Witchers at Kaer Morhen.

Jaskier continued playing until they started to walk past houses and businesses, prompting him to play some more familiar tunes that he had nailed down decades ago. The bard’s presence made people a little less jumpy about the Witcher, if they were in a good town. Luckily, they seem to have struck gold. There are the usual dirty looks, but they don’t last long when Jaskier catches their eyes. As they approach the home of a local merchant, Jaskier slings his lute over his back and hops onto Roach, standing carefully and beaming with pride.

“Mr. Rorenshack!” he sang, clearly trying to charm their new friend. It had worked before; charming the people who paid them to get them to pay a little more. A dirty trick, but Geralt didn’t mind the extra coin. “We have your dastardly beast! And the kikimora too!”

A couple of ladies, relaxing on the neighbor’s porch, giggled at Jaskier’s jest. He winked at them before Geralt grunted at him, trying to get the bard to focus on the task at hand. As Rorenshack emerged with a pouch of coin and a smile, Jaskier hopped down from Roach -- who wasn’t pleased with him for the added weight -- and approached the merchant.

“I trust you can do whatever fun little things you folks do to kikimora bodies when we’re gone,” Jaskier purred, his hip jutting out to the side just a bit. He was tall, nearly as tall as Geralt, and towered over the small merchant, whose face was flushed. It was clear he fancied the bard. “In exchange for coin, of course.”

“A-ah, yes, of course!” he stammered, pushing the coin to Jaskier’s chest. Rorenshack turned to Geralt and moved forward, taking his hand and shaking it with a wide smile. “Thank you, Sir Witcher, many thanks! You’ve saved the lot of us, you have! The bard’s songs ring true!”

Geralt grunted, almost embarrassed. He didn’t like to be showered with praise by strangers. Geralt turned Roach and began to make his way to the stable he had seen when they were going through the town. Jaskier jogged alongside him, tossing him the coin purse heavy with their reward. Another grunt. Geralt was quiet, and Jaskier knew the Witcher was falling into his thoughts. As Geralt got Roach situated -- paying for the horse to be washed and brushed -- Jaskier took some of the coin to the nearby inn, disappearing into the crowd that filled the street. Geralt had seen banners and lanterns and other odds and ends that screamed festival. Geralt made his way to the inn, making a note that he should figure out just what the festival was all about. He opened the door and sighed softly, the last rays of light slipping through the window, nearly drowned out by the lantern light of the loud tavern. He immediately caught sight of Jaskier, the bard leaning against the wall with his tankard and watching the crowd. He met Geralt’s eye and the Witcher walked up to him with a hum.

“I’m surprised you’re not playing for them,” he hummed.

“It's a bit too crowded, and there’s already another minstrel here,” Jaskier said in a plain tone. He took another drink of his tankard before offering it to Geralt, who gladly took it. “There was only one room left, and it's just got one bed.”

“We’ve dealt with that before,” Geralt muttered behind the tankard as he took a drink. “It's autumn, after all, I believe this may be a Harvest Moon festival. Nice and cool out, might be nice for you to sleep next to a warm body.”

“I can do that without you, Witcher. You forget I can charm my way into anyone’s breeches.”

“Less work to sleep in the same bed as a Witcher when there’s no other choice,” Geralt retorted. “Besides, you won’t be wasting energy trying to please him.”

“I please you enough,” Jaskier teased, earning a jab from Geralt. “Oh, get over yourself, Geralt! You haven’t been so desperate to go to your lovely bard to ease your nightly desires even after weeks on the road, I doubt you’ll try to seduce me with your brutish ways tonight.”

“You’ll still be going to bed with a Witcher.”

It was Jaskier’s turn to elbow the Witcher, who had a proud smirk on his face. Geralt handed back the tankard, to which Jaskier scolded the brute for emptying his drink. The Witcher took the key and headed up to their room while Jaskier went to get them food and drink. The sky was falling to darkness, but the city was ever so bright. More lanterns were lit, and people danced and sang in the streets, celebrating some deities that they believed to influence the harvest. Geralt sat at the foot of the bed, staring out the window and humming. The moon was beginning to rise in the sky, its light filtering into his and Jaskier’s room. It wasn’t long before Jaskier came in and set the platter of food and drink on the bedside table, sighing loudly.

“That poor minstrel, he must be a bit overwhelmed,” he hums. “He’s doing well, but I’m sure he’ll sleep like a rock later.”

Geralt hummed, taking one of the pitchers and some of the food. He relaxed, especially when the bard settled in. They both looked out the wide window and people-watched.

“You know, I really do love seeing people like this. No one’s afraid. Everyone’s drunk and having fun. And here you are, sulking.”

“I’m not sulking.”

“You didn’t even glance at the ladies downstairs. And they weren’t anything less than angels.”

“You didn’t go to them either.”

The two men fell silent, the two of them eating and drinking their fill. Once Jaskier finished -- he had always been quick to finish his meals -- he got up to change into something more comfortable. He slipped on some soft breeches and a billowy white shirt with a frilly neckline /and wide sleeves, tucking the shirt in as Geralt looked back with a raised eyebrow.

“Why do you always dress like a pirate’s spoiled whore?”

Jaskier snorted and put his hands on his hips. “People want to hurt the Witcher’s companion,” he explained with a similarly raised eyebrow. “If I’m going to die in my sleep, I’ll die a beautiful death.”

Geralt rolled his eyes, but the thought of someone hurting Jaskier twisted his stomach. He knew people targeted his dear bard. They had before. He turned away, allowing the sadness to reach his eyes. While Jaskier couldn’t see his eyes, the bard knew his Witcher well enough. He climbed over the bed and touched Geralt between his shoulder blades, causing the Witcher to flinch slightly. Jaskier sighed softly and rubbed his back, scooting closer. His other hand found its way to Geralt’s shoulder, and he leaned his head against the Witcher.

“You shouldn’t speak of your own mortality so easily,” Geralt murmured, refusing to look at the bard.

“I know...I shouldn’t worry you. I only talk like that because I know you wouldn’t let anyone hurt me,” Jaskier whispered, squeezing Geralt’s shoulder. “I trust you, Geralt.”

Geralt’s jaw clenched, and he hesitantly reached up and gripped Jaskier’s hand.

“I can’t protect you forever.”

“I won’t blame you,” Jaskier reassured, his hand making circles on the Witcher’s back. “Come lay down, my dear Wolf. We’ll be just fine tonight.”

Geralt hesitated before he allowed the bard to pull off his armor and lay him down, murmuring reassurances to the Witcher. Jaskier laid down with him and pulled Geralt close, one hand on the back of Geralt’s neck. This was different from the other times they had shared a bed; usually the two of them would, at most, press their backs together to share warmth, or woke up to find Jaskier curling up against Geralt. This time, the contact was intimate and deliberate, and Jaskier was holding Geralt. Geralt’s thoughts were interrupted by Jaskier pressing his lips to th*/e Witcher’s forehead, which sent him for a loop. The kiss lingered, and tears welled up in Geralt’s eyes. He had always hid everything he felt behind a wall, and Jaskier had made a door and let himself in. Geralt clutched Jaskier close and trembled, earning some sympathetic pets to his hair.

“Oh, darling Witcher…” Jaskier murmured, his voice shaky. “I-”

Geralt stifled a sob, and Jaskier pulled away slightly to look down at his Witcher, and his heart shattered. Geralt refused to meet his eyes, tears falling down his cheeks. It was the first time he had truly cried for...well, as long as he could remember. He eventually met Jaskier’s eyes, and the bard wiped his tears away.

“This is stupid,” he whimpered, sounding weaker than Jaskier had ever heard him. “I shouldn’t be crying because of someone’s touch.”

“Geralt, it's okay,” Jaskier murmured, hugging Geralt and nuzzling his cheek. Now he was crying, and their tears mixed. “You haven’t gotten the contact you need, and I’m so grateful that you trust me and let me help you. I want you to be happy, Geralt. That’s all that really matters to me. Why do you think I’ve followed you for so long?”

Geralt grumbled and rubbed back, his nose pressing into Jaskier’s cheek lovingly. He didn’t want to hold back.

“Rest, dear wolf,” the bard murmured before he began to hum a soft tune.

Geralt melted into the touch of his friend, feeling a spike of guilt in his stomach. For a split second, he let himself pretend that they could spend nights like this forever. Jaskier holding Geralt and stroking his hair, singing the beast to sleep. He pushed those thoughts away and held onto Jaskier, allowing himself to drift into a peaceful sleep with Jaskier’s breath gracing his skin and lips pressing to his forehead whenever he stirred. There was a blissful understanding between them, and deep inside of himself, Geralt knew they wouldn’t sleep apart again for a long time.

[streetlites]

The house is small concrete box in the middle of a neighborhood filled with small concrete box houses. Bolivar stops the car at the stop sign and turns it off. “Do you remember my number?”

“I've got it,” I assure him. “Just stay here until I call.” The street is empty now, there were people sitting on the stoop of the house we parked in front of but had since retreated inside. I guess nothing good comes from unfamiliar black SUVs pulling up at 3 AM.

My ears are hot and there’s butterflies in my stomach from nerves. Every step I take closer to the house intensifies my nervousness; Am I walking correctly? What will I do if he doesn’t answer? If he does answer, can I pull it off? I swallow and take a breath before knocking. The sound is loud on this quiet street.

“Who the fuck is it?” a voice comes from inside.

“Omigod, please, please let me use your phone!” I beg, trying as hard I can to emulate the Bay Girls from school. “My car broke down and this is, like, the fourth house I’ve been to!” I whine. I hear the man on the other side grumble but he tells me he’s coming. I clap my hands, “Yay!” When he opens the door, I twist my body before standing straight, popping my chest out where he takes me in, “Thank you soooo much!”  

His brown eyes meet mine and he looks sheepish, “Yeah, uh, no problem.”

“So, do you want me to wait out here, or can I come in?” I ask, smiling.  

He’s still feeling cautious, looking behind me to make sure no one else is hiding. “Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry,” he apologizes. “Come in, I’ll go get my phone.”

I look around the kitchen and into the living room; no one is in there, which is good. “Thanks for helping me out,” I coo. “You’re pretty cute, do you have a girlfriend?”

“Ah, nah,” his voice comes from a bedroom. He appears a few seconds later with a phone in hand. “Here.”

“Cool.” I let my eyes wander his body, biting my lip and winking. He smiles back, relaxed.  

I dial Bolivar’s number and it rings once before he picks up, “Buenas noches, bellisima,” he purrs. “Is he alone?”

“Yes? Gabriella! Omigod you need to come and get me! My car broke down and I’m all alone!” I whine.  

“I’m coming,” Bolivar says and hangs up.

I keep talking, “What? No, this nice guy let me use his phone. Please come and pick me up! Alexis went home with some rando and left me at the club and I’m freaking stranded out here!” I sigh dramatically. I shake my head, acting like it’s tragic and the man laughs. “I can’t use the bus! God! Didn’t I drive you around that week your car was in the shop -”

The door creaks open and the man curses when he makes eye contact with Gabriel, his pistol drawn. I drop the phone but the guy is quick; he grabs me and has me in a headlock before I can reach for my holster. “I fucking knew it! Put the gun down or I’ll snap this bitch’s neck,” he warns.

Gabriel stops and slowly begins to lower his pistol to the floor, “You don’t want to do that. That girl? Her people will come after both of us and we’ll wish for death when they’re done. Let her go and we’ll leave.”

“Do you think I’m stupid? I’m going to be the one that leaves.” He tenses, “Put it on the ground now!” He yells. Bolivar places the gun on the floor, his hands up. “Good, now kick-”

I use the split second of relaxation in his grip to bite down hard on his arm. The man screams as my teeth rip through flesh and blood pours into my mouth. The slight recoil gives me enough space to bring my head back and crack into his nose and break loose. I use the momentum as I’m turning to swing my leg around and catch him across the face, bringing him down. His head smacks against a desk and he lands on the floor, motionless. There’s a flare of fury as I’m trying to calm myself down – I need him alive, if possible. I spit the skin and blood from my mouth onto his body.

Gabriel whoops, “You beat his ass!” He laughs, “Damn, girl!”

My body throbs with pain; My teeth ache from how hard I bit his arm, the back of my head from the headbutt, and my leg from the too wide kick. “Shit,” I groan, half from pity for myself and the other half afraid that I’ve already killed him.

Bolivar assumes it’s from the latter as he checks the body, “Oh, don’t worry, he’s not dead. I’ll tie him up. You go start to look through the house.” He says, rolling a desk chair to the middle of the living room.

There isn’t much house to search – the bathroom is small and appears clean. A small altar is lit; Jesus looks mournful as shadows from the flame flickers across his face. I shut the door and go to the other across from it into a sparsely decorated bedroom. “I found a safe,” I tell my partner.

“Shit, I’m not good with those,” he says.

“I am,” I tell him, looking over the lock. I started getting interested in picking locks when I was young, after hearing people tell stories of my mother when she was in the LA-13. She encouraged it and eventually started me on safes; leaving little lock boxes with presents or money inside for me to crack. This one is cheap and the locking mechanism is simple – if I had a drill or some medigel, I could brute force it in a minute or less.

Sighing, I pull two bobby pins from my hair and bend one into a pick and straighten the other to push the pins in place. It is slow going because the pins reset every small turn of the lock and I have to keep pushing them back in until the lock has gone all the way around. When it finally opens, I’m rewarded with the sight of stacks of cash, a gun, a vial of ruby with dab sheets, and about a kilo of coke.

I go into the living room, where Gabriel stands with pieces of mail and receipts littering the floor. “I bricked the phone trying to guess the password,” he says when he sees me.

I stare at him with disappointment, “You could have used his fingers to unlock it.” That was basic!

“Too much blood, it couldn’t read it. But, I’ve got this guy’s name! Jesus Ignacio Soto Ortiz, you can get his phone records later.”

“Gee, thanks,” I complain. “He’s got coke, ruby, and a lot of cash in his safe. Did your contact say he dealt those?”

Gabriel shakes his head, “No, just said the guy was an enforcer.”

“That’s probably our guy’s stuff. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was 20 thousand in the safe.”

My partner whistles, “Why that much?”

“They only allow you to take up to 10 on planes. Whoever he is, he’s already gone.”

He looks like he’s thinking it over and nods, “Explains the airport parking receipt I found. Let’s wake him up and see what his friend’s name is and where he ran off to.” He walks off toward the kitchen and I hear the water running as I try in vain to wake the guy. “That won’t do it. Watch,” he instructs and takes a bowl of water and shoves the man’s face in.

Chuy’s body thrashes, rolling the chair side to side. Gabriel takes the bowl away, leaving the other man wide-eyed, gasping for breath. “Good morning, sunshine,” he smiles coldly. “We’re looking for your friend, goes by the name Jay?”

“I don’t know anyone by that name,” the bound man coughs.

“Which do you know him by? Because we found his things in your safe. You give us a name and I’ll take five thousand of that cash and let you live.”

“That’s my money,” the other man insists.

Gabriel sucks his teeth, reproachfully. “He’s worth 30 thousand to the LA-13, 100 to Marin. And you? Not worth anything at all. I got your address just by asking for it. Free.”

“Fuck you, goddamn Kings,” Chuy spits.

“We’re not with the Kings,” I tell him. Bolivar grins when the realization dawns on the other man’s face.

“That’s right, we’re, what do you call us? Phantasmas?” He turns to me and laughs, “I love it, I do,” he says as an aside before continuing with the other man. “And we’re going to get your friend; it might take longer than we’d like, but we will. You decide whether you’re going to die for him. All we want is a name.”

Chuy shakes his head, “Not from me, no. Never. And I’ve never heard of any Phantasmas wearing no goddamn space suits so, fuck you there, too.”

“Shit, off-world.” Gabriel complains.

“It doesn’t matter, we’ll log it. He’ll come back eventually,” I tell Gabriel, screwing a silencer on the end of my pistol. “I don’t need him because I’ll have his phone records.” My partner nods. “We’ve got him at the apartment when it went down so it’ll placate Marin.”  

“Wait, wait! I didn’t - I only,” the man sputters.

I shake my head at him, “Like I said, it doesn’t matter. You were a good friend. Shame you can’t say the same about him.” Despite the silencer, the shot is loud and my ears ring. The man’s head slumps forward, the ties on his arms and legs keeping his body upright.

“Well,” Gabriel sighs, “I guess that’s it. I’ll call Dito out here and he’ll take the arm off and make it presentable.” He takes one of the small bricks of coke and a 5K stack and shoves them into his jacket pocket.

“Didn’t you tell your contact you’d leave the money?”  

“I left most of it. And a dead man can’t argue that he didn’t already spend it. Shall we?”

[handeleugene]

It was a real privilege to not only attend but have the incredibly high honor to speak at Blend Fest this past year. Such a humbling experience and one of the highlights of my career. Since giving my speech so many people have reached out to me asking for advice & tips on public speaking. I’m no expert by any means but I wanted to peel back the layers & share an in-depth overview of the process that went into putting my speech together.

When the Blend team reached out in February asking me to speak, I of course, said YES! And then promptly proceeded to get to work. I wanted to get started right away because I felt a strong obligation to rise to the occasion & deliver a great product that was worthy of the amazing conference that is Blend. It was incredibly exciting yet incredibly nerve-racking putting this speech together. Symptoms of impostor syndrome were present throughout this whole process but the one thing I took comfort in, was knowing that this wasn’t my first Rodeo. I’d been teaching since 2014 & I’d done 4 talks in the last two years, all leading up to this grand moment. Even though I had 8 months to prepare for this speech I wanted to get started right away because I knew a deadline 8 months away would be easy to procrastinate on. I also knew from the beginning that I wanted to memorize my speech so the earlier I could get it done the more time I could have to practice, revise, & refine my speech. The very first thing I did in preparation for my talk was to start being more observant of the world around me. It just so happened that I was attending Motion Plus Design LA only a week after learning I would be speaking at Blend. So I used this conference to do field research & take notes. I took notes on what captured the audience, what didn’t, what was well received & what wasn’t. The big take away I got from all the talks was that vulnerability really resonated with the audience & made the speaker relatable. Any personal experiences you can draw from to help emphasize the point your making really landed well with the audience. And not taking yourself so seriously was something I noticed worked well on stage as well. Once I got started drafting up ideas & concepts for my speech I decided NOT to start completely from scratch. Instead, build upon past topics I’d given that I knew resonated with audience members & leaving behind the topics that didn’t. That meant taking some of the most successful parts from my F5 Speech as well as my talks at Otis College & Hyper Island. Now a strong part of me wanted to just stop there, take the “Don’t Mess with Success” approach knowing that I already had a solid foundation. But one thing I’ve learned is that past success doesn’t guarantee future results. There’s always room for improvement, I really wanted to push myself on this one, do in-depth research, educate myself more on certain topics & come up with new material that I haven’t presented before. Like I mentioned earlier, I wanted to deliver a unique product that was worthy of Blend. Recycling old material with little revision would save me A LOT of time, effort, & stress but would be the lazy route. One thing about me is that I stubbornly like to do things the hard way. I recently read in Ryan Holiday’s book The Daily Stoic, that you can often find comedians doing small sets at local bars in LA & NY. Well established comedians are constantly testing out new material on local audiences to see what jokes land & what jokes bomb. By the time you see a famous comedian on stage doing their big tour & Netflix special, they are already well prepared because they’ve done a countless number of small gigs refining their material along the way. I share this story because I wanted to use this same approach in preparation for my Blend Fest Talk. I intentionally signed up to be a guest speaker at a Local LA meet up called “Creative Neighbors” in July. I wanted to force myself to have the first draft of my Blend Fest Speech ready to present at Creative Neighbors & use this small intimate environment as my testing ground for some of the material I was writing.

Speaking of comedy, we all know the quickest way to win over a crowd during a speech is to get a few laughs in. I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t want my speech to be as funny as possible. From my own personal experience, I’ve found that the most memorable talks were the ones that made me laugh the most. Knowing myself, I knew that making my speech funny would require ALOT of work. I must have listened to 2 or 3 standup comedy specials a week in the span of 9 months. Studying not only the material but the delivery & the stage presence of comedians. Some people came up to me after my speech & said that I looked like Hassan Minhaj with my hand gestures which is funny because I definitely tried to mimic his enthusiasm on stage. The more I studied comedy the more surprised I was to learn how formulaic jokes can be. Lots of jokes follow a format that is recycled but just repurposed to align with each individual’s experience. The Call Back Technique probably being the most popular example of this. I tried to use some of these formulas I was learning to write my own jokes based off of my own personal experiences. I even learned that the truth alone isn’t always funny, sharing an exaggerated version of the truth for the sake of storytelling is commonplace in comedy & was definitely a technique I used in my speech. Once I had the blueprint laid out for my speech it was time to rehearse. One thing I failed to do in my talks prior was leave adequate time to practice my speech & it definitely showed. This time around I wanted to have more confidence & stage presence & not rely heavily on my speaker notes like before. I knew taking this approach would require more work of course but again, I wanted to deliver a product worthy of Blend and the many heroes of mines which would be in attendance. So memorizing as much of my speech as possible felt like the right thing to do.

One thing I learned in this cyclical process of rehearsal, revise, refine, was the way that you write & the way that you talk are two completely different things. If you’re writing the script for your speech you have to write it in a way that you would talk, sounds obvious in theory but proves harder in practice. A lot of the refining of my speech was centered around making the scripted part of my talk as conversational as possible. This conversational aspect I kept tweaking all the way up until the night before my speech. It's a weird phenomenon but you don’t really know what your speech sounds like until you rehearse it out loud. The last thing I wanted to do was to sound like I was reading to the audience or giving a lecture. I had to get out from behind the podium and actually speak to the audience as much as I could.

I learned some amazing tips from David JP Phillip’s Ted Talk about Public Speaking. David educated me on the power & influence you have just with your voice & body language. For instance, changing the pace of what you are saying can increase focus, lowering the volume of your voice creates anticipation & strategically placed pauses generate undivided attention. In public speaking, it is said that body language accounts for approximately 55 percent of communication, voice tone 35 percent, and words 10 percent. This was incredibly enlightening for me and a strategy I incorporated throughout my speech. During the times of my talk that I was reading from my script, I would put certain words or phrases in ALL CAPS to indicate raising the volume of my voice to emphasize a certain point & prevent a monotone sounding dialogue. And I would put multiple periods between words........to indicate longer pauses.  I've never memorized a speech before so I looked to the internet for some creative tips to help me besides the typical brute force method. I've come across multiple articles that reiterate a common theme when it comes to memory, our brains are really good at visualization. We remember pictures of things that are meaningful way better than we remember abstract concepts. If we attach a meaningful image (or drawing) to a concept we're more likely to recall that memory later on. I used this method to help me memorize my talk by drawing symbolic images on index cards to help me remember the first 9 minutes of my speech. The goal going in was to have my whole speech memorized but I only got to 11 out of the 20 minutes down (first 9 & last 2). Even still memorizing half of my speech was a major accomplishing I'm definitely proud of, especially considering the fact that I'd never done that before. I was able to get that much memorized because I dedicated the last 3 weeks leading up to my talk to practicing around the clock.

I was very surprised at how well the talk was received at Blend. I knew I had some solid material but I would have never guessed how much of an impact my talk would have on so many people at the event. It's incredibly humbling because hearing all the positive feedback made all the hard work that went into this speech so worth it. Some people went as far as comparing my speech to a Ted Talk or a sermon on Sunday, which is some of the highest compliments I could ever receive. Leading up to it, I was incredibly afraid because throughout this entire process I was completely out of my comfort zone. I knew I was taking a big risk by stepping away from the podium & in doing so removing my safety net, but it was so rewarding being able to deliver a speech that I knew I was capable of. I’m definitely not a natural when it comes to public speaking. I’m an introvert by nature so I had to really tap into an alter ego to deliver this prepared speech. If I looked comfortable on stage its largely due to the fact that I put a substantial amount of time, effort, research, & practice into my talk. 

You can catch some highlights from my talk here on my Instagram stories. If you weren't able to attend Blend but you're still interested in seeing a recording of my talk then email me, I'll set up a private screening for you.

[journal-of-an-insecure-artist]

DEC.21 2020 - Anxious

Its been almost two weeks since my winter break started. And I keep feeling horrifically anxious.  There’s so much that I need to do and to figure out how to do it.  Its all incredibly stressful.  Part of it is my own thing.  I know I undervalue myself and need to “stop doing that”  but I have no clue what techniques to use?

Do I just get up one day and just state: “Uh yeah I’m the coolest” and suddenly that mental trust happens?  I like to think it does.  It helps that I’ve been trying to control it more consciously now but shit is it work.  Managing that plus my ADHD really is just a combo for an atlassian feat or some shit god damn. It’ll come with time.  Hopefully.  In all honesty I know for a fact that my self confidence will happen.  IT WILL.  But this is a process I can’t really brute force.  Not matter how much I want to.  (Maybe its the Libra-Scorpio cusp in me but who tf knows.)

I will say that there was some triumph in my first half of the day.  I have done some planning of both short and long term goals.  I just want to own a house, and be a freelance animator.  The only thing stopping me is having all these dumb mental-blocks that I’m ready to get rid of.  I’m considering switching therapists since the one I currently go to has only told me to journal, deep breaths, and things of the like.  It takes a lot of effort to even engage with her as I just.  I really don’t think we connect.  It takes so long to get to practical solutions and normally they’re ones I supply myself anyway.  When that’s the result I truly don’t feel like I’m getting the help I need.  See, this makes sense when I explain it here.  Yet still my brain keeps just.  Wanting me to fucking settle. “Don’t push things too hard, don’t upset the balance. Stay quiet for your own good. It’ll be fine eventually. Suffer now for the rewards of later.”   I really feel tired of having this mindset.  It isn’t the only way to be. I don’t only have to do things exactly how other people do it.  I can do it my own way.  Whatever that way is. Problem is, wtf even is my own way.  Most days I don’t even know who I am.  How do you even figure out who you are? Can you google it?  Probably not. When I ask others they just say I’m funny. So like.  That’s it? Just funny? It can get frustrating sometimes when just. People both have a lot of reactions to me, yet don’t at the same time. I don’t understand it.

I’m 100% acknowledging that this is my placing self worth in other people’s hands tho.  I know its bad.  But wtf can I do about it?  I know there’s something. Just. I can’t figure out what.  Yeah therapy really has helped me clearly.  She can’t even identify that this is a thing maybe. And when I try to tell her she just says “that's sad, that happens to everyone.” like some magical fuckin fairy is gonna come and give me self confidence or trust or something??  It won’t.  I want to figure out how to be self confident. Ahh I have so much to get over and do. It’s too much.  I regret being a university senior Jesus, the pressure is immense. All this to say, that all these insecurities and blocks are just preventing me from what I really wanna do.  I want to create art, and animations that people enjoy.  I want to find out what I enjoy the most. I wanna live a life where I’m careful and fun, and just, like.  I wanna get to a point where I’m okay.

[biggaybunny]

My Hitman Level Reviews

I should probably wait until I finish Hokkaido, but I’m impatient so here are my thoughts on the levels in Hitman (2016) so far (note that I have mastery level 20 in all levels mentioned): Update: Now With Hokkaido!

Level: Paris

Rating: 7/10

Thoughts: Though there is a tutorial level preceding Paris, this level is really the introduction to the game’s full scope, and it does a pretty good job of it. The size of the level and the game’s ability to handle scores of NPCs are shown off in full. Past that, the level is pretty fun and creative, and the difficulty level felt just right.

Pros/Cons:

+ Does a good job delineating areas different disguises are allowed in

+ Harder to reach disguises are worth getting

+ Most opportunities are easy to pick up on

+ Emphasis on multiple routes and events to take advantage of

+ Verticality of level allowed it to create different “stages” of challenge

- Lots of the level unused, underused

- The wacky/fun opportunities were very lopsided to one of the targets

- Too many red herring devices / interactables

Level: Sapienza

Rating: 8/10

Thoughts: A fan favorite, and for good reason. Tons and tons of opportunities, many of which border on the absurd. There’s also much more story / lore to the level, and NPC interactions can become another tool in your arsenal

Pros/Cons:

+ Well used, varied level with tons of different environments

+ Still does a good job of presenting most opportunities

+ Unprecedented number of challenges, many of which are over the top in a good way

+ The amount of wacky stuff really deserves a second mention for how much fun it is. Kill your target with a circumcision knife dressed as a plague doctor. Knock them out and put them in the wood chipper. Drop a stalagtite on them. Shoot them with a naval cannon

+ Exploration is fun and well rewarded

+ Inflatable alligators

- Goes overboard with the disguises. There are so many that give almost identical access and restrictions.

- Moving around the house always a little bit of a pain, not easy to remove or distract observant individuals

- One of the targets has a painfully long loop that makes getting certain challenges just not worth the time it takes

- Certain areas just... utterly annoying to get to

- Ether virus objective was too much; makes runs longer, does not offer a lot of variety, is rather tedious

Level: Marrakesh

Rating: 9/10

Thoughts: My favorite level. The difficulty jump from the first two levels turns a lot of people away from Marrakesh, but it’s really a treasure to master. Really tasks the player to use stealth and strategy to maneuver the level effectively.

Pros/Cons:

+ Crazy/fun kills plentiful, and for once split evenly between targets

+ Clearly conveys which disguises allow what access

+ Tons of hidden tools to find and put to use

+ Both targets easy to observe / learn the routines of, but still harder to kill

+ Ups the difficulty level without becoming unfun

+ Exploration & creativity largely rewarded

- Some challenges require a lot of contrivance to set up

- Prerequisites to certain challenges unclear, poorly explained

- Lots of level is just filler, though at least some of it is used as a place to put opportunities / items

Level: Bangkok

Rating: 7/10

Thoughts: Though a much tighter level design than the other levels, Bangkok felt like a weird de-escalation of the whole series, both in setting and in difficulty. The level is solid, but doesn’t do anything particularly well -- except for maybe the storyline with one of your targets, Jordan Cross.

Pros/Cons:

+ Much heavier focus on reconnaissance than other levels -- not just random exploring, but actually learning about your targets

+ Has some of the most memorable kills in the series, admittedly

+ Level is very compact, making it easier to remember where things are or how to manuever

- Level is highly linear, with no side passages whatsoever to large (important) chunks of the level

- Level is incredibly easy, perhaps easier than Paris. Getting any disguise you want takes almost no effort at all, and access isn’t well gated

- Area access poorly conveyed, with guards not reliably stating when passing them would be tresspassing

- Once again, all the fun kills are stacked on one target, and there is very little interesting to do with the other target

- Several opportunities can break easily (as in, bug out) and even more are extremely difficult to pick up

- A lot of dialogues refer to opportunities that can be picked up, but do not count as learning about the opportunity

Level: Colorado

Rating: 5/10

Thoughts: Overall, disappointing. Colorado’s setting should be the perfect way to increase the difficulty without limiting the options available to the player. In reality, however, the level lacks teeth. And somehow, despite having twice the number of targets of any other level, Colorado has the lowest number of challenges available to it.

Pros/Cons:

+ Setting excuses a lot of odd equipment / items / environmental objects

+ Targets have a variety of guardedness, availability, and different routes that still can intersect for some combo kills

+ Despite the number of targets, the level generally doesn’t take too long to complete

- Level is utterly disappointing from a difficulty standpoint, with most disguises being near-perfect

- Level’s difficulty is further lacking by the fact that surveillance is almost nonexistent (cameras or guards), trivializing a lot of kills

- Several disguises are essentially redundant in terms of their benefits

- Disguises are very hard to tell apart at a glance, from a combination of a lack of variety in attire, and the fact that not all disguises are proper “uniforms” and take different appearances

- Access VERY poorly defined, with accidental trespassing easy to commit

- So many missed opportunities for kills involving farm equipment and/or makeshift military equipment

- Much of level is pointless, not even used to place items/opportunities/disguises/etc

- Incredibly small number of challenges, despite there being four targets with different backstories and routines / weaknesses /.etc.

- Some challenges are impossible to complete during the main quest, further limiting options

- What challenges do exist are usually boring, unoriginal / recycled, and/or not personalized to the targets at all

- having to complete the tornado shelter objective every time is pointless as it’s completely linear and offers no additional challenge or strategy

- several opportunities placed randomly or are difficult to find

I’ll update this with Hokkaido when I finish that.

Level: Hokkaido

Rating: 7.5/10

Thoughts: A fairly strong end to the first season, Hokkaido still suffers from many of the design flaws that began to emerge post-Marrakesh. Given the setting, and what’s at stake plot-wise, I went in expecting to need all my patience, focus, and game knowledge to work out the level. In actuality, while certain parts of the level can be tricky, Hokkaido ultimately is no more difficult than Bangkok, perhaps slightly harder than Sapienza. That being said, the level was creative and featured some very fun challenges.

Pros/Cons:

+ Level was challenging in interesting ways, primarily by nullifying or rendering less effective many common strategies from earlier levels

+ Easy to pick up on all the opportunities

+ Just the right amount of disguises to make things interesting, and certain disguises were appropriately tricky to obtain

+ Features some of the wildest kills the series has offered yet.

+ Largely immune to “brute force” methods of assassination

+ Lets the player do the sensible thing for an alternate “kill” of one target (trying not to spoil it)

+ Fun easter eggs

+ Level has a surprising amount to offer for its size, lots to do

+ Kai is amazing and slightly creepy. It was an interesting antagonist for 47, basically interfering with your plans without being aware / hostile about it.

- Not that many special kills for one of the targets (again)

- Level is too small. Just, frankly, too small. There were a couple of routes that gave you pretty much everything you’d need to pull of any kill, because there just wasn’t room to separate out items/disguises/etc. Not everything has to be the size of Marrakesh, but they crammed Hokkaido full of as much as they could, and it still kind of comes up short

- Level lacks difficulty. More guards, more enforcers, more cameras, or something novel, just, anything.

- Kai was underused. For a self-aware AI fully integrated into the entire facility the comprised the map, it was incredibly easy to dupe and largely absent from many routes and opportunities.

[thekwanderer]

Tuesday May 9 Shipping out to Jordan! We woke up extremely early (3 am to be precise) to catch our bus to Jordan. We ordered a transfer at 4 am, but 15 minutes after there was no sign of anyone. Our anxiety got the best of us and we ordered a taxi ourselves to drop off at the meeting point. Another point of anxiety was when I reread the confirmation email, and it told us that we were only allowed one small overnight bag per person. Usually I am a pretty calm and relaxed traveler, but this morning I was very anxious. When the driver arrived, it was a minibus and I worriedly asked him about our bags. He did not bat an eye and just helped us schlep them to the bus. We arrived in Jerusalem an hour later to consolidate from 3 to 2 minibuses and there was mad chaos as people tried to claim seats. Despite the hustle and bustle of the morning, I was not tired and I was rewarded for my efforts with a gorgeous desert sunrise. The sand dunes are usually white so they made the perfect canvas for the show of colors. We passed by the town of Jericho again and the mount of temptation and stopped at a little rest stop. Interestingly, there was a large tank left abandoned with graffiti on it. As silly tourists, of course we wanted to climb up and pose in it. Finally we made it to the border at the river. When I was reading about this border crossing online, I heard it was difficult and impossible to do on your own. First, we got off the bus and got in line for customs. The Israeli border patrol gave us scanner card things when we arrived. They do this so people won't have an Israel stamp on their passport. During this process, they stamped the card and we were officially through Israel. Next we had to get out stuff from the minibus, grab a sticker identifying that we were part of one tour group, and put our bags on another bus (I'm happy to say that others also had big bags). Incredibly, we had to pay $2 for this bus, and we were on it for literally less then 10 minutes to drop us off at the Jordanian customs side. We were greeted by our official Jordan guide and quickly got back in line again. Finally after securing the Jordan chop, we had to put our bags through a scanner and it was subject to be searched. By the time, everyone is cranky, hot, and tired. Also tourists do not do well with uncertainty and everyone really wanted a good spot on the bus. So when we got the OK to start heading for the bus, it was a stampede of people! Through strategic foresight and a little brute force, we nabbed an excellent spot on the bus. Our first stop was Jarash. I had never heard of it, but it is one of the best preserved Roman sites in the world. There is an Hadrian arch, a beautiful square with all of its columns, a temple to Artemis, a Hippodrome, and even a theater. It's all pretty well in tact and huge. One other tourist commented on how in other places like Athens, there's one pilar and you have to imagine how it looked. At Jarash, you could still see it. The carvings are still well preserved and many of the columns stood up against the earthquakes. I even got to climb to the top of the theater and take it all in, including the Jordanian bag piper. The only downside is that it was incredibly hot. I could just see myself losing water quickly. There were a bunch of centipede carcasses drying and crumbling in the sun and dry heat to give you an idea on the climate. Despite the heat, the ruins were impressive and well worth a visit. The air-conditioned bus was the most gratifying thing of the day and we chugged down our extra water. We drove through the city and I was so grateful that we were getting lunch on the bus so I didn't have to get off and go through that heat again. We also got to see a glimpse of everyday life in Jordan with kids playing and people walking through the streets. We got two falafel sandwiches each and I gobbled them down. The sandwich was wrapped in a thin pita, almost like a tortilla, and had cucumber, eggplant, and hummus apart from just the falafel. The lunch gave me just enough strength to pass out on t bus during our drive to the next place. I woke up just in time to take in the Jordanian landscape with its dusty hills filled with rocks and shrubs, it was still pretty. We made it to mount Nebo where Moses supposedly went to in order to see the holy land one last time before he ascended to heaven. It is a high vantage point so you can see many important places including the dead sea, Jericho, and Jerusalem and Bethlehem on clear days. Sadly it was hazy supposedly because of the dust from mount Sinai so we could only see Jericho and the dead sea. The highlight of this site for me was the mosaics. These were beautifully preserved and were finely made. You could see the people looked pretty well designed and we could see the animals at the time like tigers, lions, and bears, oh my! We also visited a modern day mosaic maker to see how they do it. First, they take a white cloth and draw out the design. To get the stone pieces, they take large stones and cut them into long rectangular cubes. Then they put the design backwards and put glue made out of water and flour. They carefully cut their rectangular cubes into small cube pieces and place them on the mosaic. A large piece can take three and a half months to complete! After the stones are in place, they pour white concrete and set the mosaic, canvas side up. They let in dry in the sun for a few days, then they wash it off with water as the flour water glue mixture will simply dissolve. It was cool to see the artisans at work. Our last place was an Greek orthodox church in Masaba. Inside holds a mosaic map of the world as the Byzantines knew it in 600 CE. It is in remarkably good shape and it shows the important holy sites like Jerusalem, Bethlehem, Jericho, the dead sea, and the Mediterranean among other places. It was lovely. We walked around town a little and stopped in a shop to get snacks and I got to munch on some free nuts roasted and seasoned in new ways. For instance, I had an almond with some sort of coating that almost tasted like it was scout to be spicy, but it wasn't. It was a bit pricey for my taste, but nice of them to offer us free samples. Finally we made it back to the bus around 7, dusty and exhausted. As we drove out of the city, we were treated to a lovely sunset. We were lucky enough to be on the outskirts of town so we could see the silhouette of the skyline and the rolling hills as we drove by. I also really enjoy interacting with the people here. They are pretty friendly and want to smile at you and say hi. I get a kick out of the kids who are standing at the side of the road waving. When I wave back, their eyes get a little wider, their smiles a little broader, and their waves a little faster. Driving through the towns has been the best glimpse into daily Jordanian life. I saw that a lot of people came out after the sun went down just to chat and have a smoke with a friend. Also, people sit down with their families on the floor inside or outside their homes to have dinner. A lot of the living rooms had luxurious looking rugs and carpets to sit on. Instead of bars, in these small towns there are neon signs advertising tea and coffee instead of liquor. This makes sense since many here are Muslim and don't drink, but it's still funny to see a giant neon teapot lighting the way on the side of the road. As I sit on the bus writing this, there's a full moon rising. I am full of hope, happiness, and gratitude for my friends and family in my life. As I gaze up at the moon I wonder, are my loved ones also staring at the same moon as me? Then I remember: of course they're not right now. It's 2 in the afternoon back home.

[carnelianwings]

Hey bc of you i just have started playing tales of link! It took me awhile(bc to download it i had to change my store) so could you explain or give a little tips to new ones? :))

Sure!  Best place to look for information regarding units and good leader skills and team building is the Tales of Link wiki.  They have all the information on the latest events, stats on the units after you limit break them, what their passive skills are … just everything, including guides on what you might want/not want, etc.

I also had some general tips and tricks in another reply I did earlier.  But to save you the trouble of going over there, here’s what I’ve discovered for myself, along with a few more tips I’ll share now that I’ve had some more time to think about it, lol (Behind a cut because um, let me spare you guys this wall of text rofl):

There’s no need to worry about your friend leader/subs to match what you’re using -  I have a separate team that’s set aside for friends that’s literally Rose plus my 2 hardest hitters just so people get Lots of Damage when they bring me along for their dungeon runs!  (And from the sounds of the asks I’m getting, quite a few of you are doing pretty well with that!  Keep going, you can make it!)

When making your link, try to go from lowest attack to highest attack if you can.  The further along in a link a unit is, the bigger the multiplier they get for dealing damage!  Use this to maximize the damage you deal!

Also, take a look and see what symbols are coming up next.  Use that to your advantage to help you make big links, especially if you have a turn or two before the enemy attacks you again!

By the same token, don’t hesitate to make those big links before a boss stage.  That’s how you get the LC you need to use your active skills to help you crank out that damage!

Even if you can’t clear the higher tiers of an event, do the stages that you can do.  There’s often some really nice equipment rewards you can get for just completing stages that can help you strengthen your team, which will help you get further in future events!

On To Stone or Not to Stone for continues: Don’t.  It’s usually not worth it since you can spend stones to buy gels that will get you more than enough stamina to redo that dungeon.  Stones can also be used for a chance to get stronger characters, which will also help you clear that dungeon you just failed on.  And if there’s a precious drop you wanted?  It’ll drop again.  Save that stone for the machine or gels.

Speaking of events: For Soul Arenas, you have to choose between the 2 characters, and you can’t change your mind afterward.  It’s also how you get a special item to unlock a character’s Mystic Arte, so keep that in mind when you’re trying to figure out who to choose.  Of course, there’s also something to be said for getting your favorite character’s mystic, so sometimes that can be all it takes.  Like this current event.  Water Armatus Sorey or Wind Armatus Rose - I’m pretty sure you guys knew exactly who I picked!

Also, for the higher difficulties: There are 3 tiers of Mana Eaters, each with progressively higher defense, but super low health (like 1-2 digit health).  Defense in Tales of Link works in a purely subtractive manner.  The amount of damage you deal to a target is the amount of damage your character’s hit does, subtracted by the target’s defense.

Mana Eaters come in Normal, Rare, Prince, and King tiers, each with 5k, 15k, 10k, and 50k defense respectively, but are worth a lot of mana points if you can defeat them.  King Mana Eaters appear in the top tier difficulties (Mana Eater’s Nest and Den) so if you’re going to tackle those difficulties, make sure you have some way of consistently breaking 50k damage, whether it’s via an active skill, brute force, or making big links.  For this event, I’m taking advantage of the 3x to the Armatus gacha units’ stats on top of my bare minimum 4.6x to ATK (between my Christmas Rose and a 2x for 50%+ friend leader) to get my Armatus units to deal above 50k using a 2 link.

Once you have a team you’re happy with, see if you have any Keys of Malik sitting around.  It’s a 5-7 wave dungeon (depending on which difficulty you’re running it on) specifically designed to help you with unlocking passives.  Non-boss wave monsters are worth 3 kills (on Hard) or 5 kills (on Mania), and Malik himself (he’s the boss!) is worth even more kills!  Just make sure the final character in the link is the one you want to put kills onto, since only the final character of a link gets credit for kills, even if a character earlier in the link is the one that brings the enemy to 0 HP.

Also, spend time with your favorite/strongest characters on your team.  This will help them level up their arte (the ability they have a percent chance to use) so they’ll use it more often when you’re doing hard content!

To limit break or not to limit break: For me, I’ll keep a dupe and not limit break if it’s a different hidden element (it’s that symbol on the lower right when you examine a character’s card) or if they’re super strong and I’d benefit from having multiples of the same character on my team.  Trying to keep your team mostly focused on a single hidden element is good (because that means more characters will get guardian benefits) but it’s also worth it to put in a character of a different element if they have a passive, active, or arte that will benefit your team.

For example, my current leader for everything is Christmas Rose.  She buffs my team’s attack by 2.3x, but only if I can maintain my team’s HP total above 40%.  So I make sure I have heroes that have arte healing (artes that heal you for a percentage of damage dealt) or the Lucky Healing passive on my team to ensure I stay above that threshold, so I can use my LC to change my board or boost my attack, even if they’re not of the same hidden element.

Because this is me, and I’m more of a casual than a hardcore player: Don’t hesitate to invest some of your resources into a favorite character, especially if it’s a 5* version of them.  You’re playing this game to (presumably) have fun with a party of some (or all) of your favorite Tales characters.  Don’t let the guides dictate everything you’re supposed to do - I’m sure a few of those guide writers would’ve been like, “Don’t waste your 5* hawks and your hard earned herbs on your Vorspieler Sorey or Summer Vacation Mikleo”.  But you know what?  Sorey and Mikleo are my favorite Tales characters.  And those are 5* versions of them.  And I’m going to want to make room for them on all of my teams.  So am I going to throw some resources at them to make sure they’re going to be as strong as possible so they’re not holding back the team?  Hell yes.  Besides, Mikleo would have a few words about being a liability to the team.

And really because this bears saying again: Have fun.  Make a silly team for yourself to play with Just Because.  Arrange your characters in silly patterns and take screenshots and post them because Why Not?  There’s a Zestiria event going right now, so if that’s your jam (like it is mine!) it’s a good time to get started.  May the RNG Gods be with you and you get who you want!  ;)