#n e ways i love my son clintoris barton

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since there are so many different interpretations of clint’s deafness in canon and within the fandom, i figured it’s about time i make an Official post about this. although it doesn’t define him, it’s a very important part of his character and it needs to be discussed. so here we go friends !

TIMELINE :

clint has been partially deaf since childhood. he and barney grew up in an extremely abusive household. his father would beat them regularly, and managed to do enough damage to cause clint hearing loss. barney was the only support clint had during this. he made an incredible effort to learn american sign language so he could eventually pass it on to his little brother. until then, clint was forced to learn lipreading to get by. as clint aged, his hearing gradually improved, but just slightly. he would’ve benefited from hearing aids, but never had the financial means to do so, and he was eventually used to life without them.

when he began to operate as an independent young man, clint stopped using american sign language to communicate, as there was never much of an opportunity to use it when he wasn’t around his brother. clint is a very insecure person, but adolescence took things to a new level. it came to point where he’d rarely reveal his deafness to others. clint has always been hesitant to ask for help. it makes him feel weak and incapable, which was the last thing he needed growing up. there was no one to teach him the tips and tricks of life after his injuries, so he lived in a world of missing pieces, constantly bluffing and playing along like he understood every word. 

as clint’s life continued on into adulthood, his skills only got more refined. he learned to live with himself in a way that works for him. unfortunately, all this changed when he meet the clown. an incident in the fight to save his building landed him with arrows shoved deep in both his ears. he woke up in a hospital with his head bandaged and not a clue what had happened. if the arrows were any deeper, they would’ve hit his brain. instead, he suffered severe damage to his middle and inner ear canals. it took a while for him to grasp the reality of his situation. now left 80% deaf in both ears, clint experienced acute unilateral vestibulopathy, which resulted in severe dizziness, nausea, blurry / spinning vision, neck pain, and loss of proper balance. this lasted for quite some time, so he was confined to the hospital while everything was falling apart in the outside world. being the person he is, clint took less time than he should’ve to recover. while fighting the mafia, he was still dealing with his symptoms, if not yet being adjusted to life without sound wasn’t enough. 

somehow, clint managed to come out on top. his building was safe and he finally had time to come to terms with his deafness. after giving his ears more time to heal, he got his first pair of behind the ear hearing aids. while he learned to navigate his world with the new devices, he picked up american sign language once more to polish his skills, and soon reached full fluency. he is currently working to further accept his deafness, and expose himself to deaf cult/ure in an effort to find a community of people he can relate to.

DETAILS :

• the first few weeks without his hearing were absolute hell. whenever anyone spoke to him he was lost, and for a while he didn’t have much motivation to try and understand them. his depression worsened and he found it hard to even put in his hearing aids in the morning. it took him a while to readjust to relying on lipreading for conversation. before having access to hearing aids his world was empty. the only thing reminiscent of sound he could hold onto were his own thoughts. going outside for was incredibly difficult for him for a bit. he used to find comfort in the constant hum of the city around him, and that had been torn away from him. even with his hearing aids, the most he can pick up are remnants of a passing truck. he’s taken more of a liking to riding the subway, since he can hear the trains pulling in and out of the station. occasionally, he runs into trouble around the city, not registering the sounds of honking cars or the disgruntled mumbles of people on the street. 

• clint uses behind the ear hearing aids ( x ). his are purple. of course. they do not fix his hearing, but they help more than he’d imagine they would. he went from only being able to hear very loud, lower pitched sounds, to being able to hear the bass tones in a person’s voice. he has particular trouble hearing high pitched sounds, such as younger children’s voices. when he’s in the field, clint uses special hearing aids made for him by tony s/tark. they sit completely in his ear canals, and are able to connect to whatever comms system his team is using. although he doesn’t look forward to it, clint takes a trip to the audiologist annually, and sometimes lets a close friend tag along.

• clint usually feels left out in conversations, especially ones involving multiple people. seeing everyone else getting along just fine around him is tough. things like seeing people laugh and not understanding why still make his heart drop every so often. even though he can talk your ear off, he’s much more confident communicating through asl or over text. he is extremely embarrassed to ask people to repeat themselves, so he doesn’t do it often. lipreading is hard. clint has has been doing it his entire life, but even when he’s used to the way someone speaks, he finds it difficult to pick up all of what they’re saying. only about 30% of english can be lipread, so everything else has to be filled in. most consonants are virtually indistinguishable from each other without context. fraction does an incredible job of expressing this through writing. for example, clint is talking with jessica, and before he can gather his thoughts, she doesn’t make much sense : 

… but all of that seems almost worth it to clint when he meets someone who knows asl. being able to let his exaggerated expressions and body language flow freely is something he’ll never take for granted.

• clint accidentally raises his voice when he talks from time to time. soft spoken people are hard to be around, even though he occasionally wishes he were like them. he doesn’t like when people quickly approach him for conversation from the side, and gets a bit annoyed if someone he knows tries to talk to him when he has his back turned. if they’re not close, he’ll just nod and pretend he knows what they’ve said. 

• in his own house, clint doesn’t like wearing his hearing aids. they’re uncomfortable. there’s this thing sitting behind and in your ears. once in a while he needs to give them a break. but because of this, he finds himself checking up on lucky more than he probably should, and sometimes leaves the apartment door ajar for him if he knows it’s safe to do so. the subtitles on his tv are always on, and he won’t always put his hearing aids in to watch it. when he does, and he’s alone, he turns the sound up loud and tries to enjoy himself as much as possible. nothing will get in the way of him and dog cops. 

that’s the basics. clint lives his life every day dealing with his deafness and it will always be a part of him. he wouldn’t be the same without his experiences, and wouldn’t change himself if he had the chance to. he’s learning to love himself the way he is. it might take a while, but he’s taking steps to get there.