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#n. i think this is combined w a lot of ppl lately like. those i haven't talked w as much. which is. nearly everyone actually
noxtivagus · 1 year
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hdalkfjsldf i miss my friends :c
#🌙.rambles#sometimes i. hmm. usually actually i may be too busy or too shy to say it outright#but i miss when we'd talk. i miss when we'd call; i miss the sound of your voice n the way you laugh n smile#sorry . i just. really write like that. hdfkasdjfd i love the ppl in my life v much :c#i know the way my eyes turn when i see you online. or the way i notice the songs you play. or when you have a new playlist#n always i still find there's so much more i want to say. n when you appear too in my dreams—how could i ever forget?#oh these tags r just gna be for several ppl so i won't be too obvious about it#i miss when i was less busy n we'd exchange. asks? texts? yeah. & when we'd play tgther n i rmb how i'd always look forward to the next tim#i miss the days when. i used to write about you being in them. bcs i write down.. mostly everything so that i can remember.#i miss when we were kids n us four wld hang out in the library. i miss those days so much#i miss in lower school when we'd run around the field.. imagining scenarios. hehe#i rmb writing stories tgther w some other friends. having my friends read what i write too#yeah. i miss when we'd be able to see n talk w each other nearly every day. whether irl or online.#i do find myself missing when my sleep sched was fucked up bcs i used to talk to ppl quite a lot in those times#i miss. so much but we're all getting busier in our own lives. n i wish. i think. i cld be more in each of them. like. mutually?#but yeah yk as we age there's so much more to manage :c but i can't help but dream. i'll never stop.#n. i think this is combined w a lot of ppl lately like. those i haven't talked w as much. which is. nearly everyone actually#but like yk like w.. my friend grp rn yh n. a lot of other stuff combined. i just. i think i just wish we cld all be more sincere w#each other. now i see even more clearly why people drift apart as they age. we all get busy w each our own lives yk?#n i'm busy w my own too but. just like how i still remember n love everyone dearly. i think. i just need reassurance that.#yk. you feel the same way too. n personally i wish i cld hesitate less but i'm afraid of unintentionally adding more to the burden#n other times i just. really lack the energy. idk there's so much to write n in so many aspects.. just so many left unfinished.#but. i know well how. closure is. hard to get by. i'm very well acquainted w that feeling of lack of closure.#hmm. being insatiable is so bittersweetly part of human nature. we can be happy n satisfied but.. yeah honestly i think#it's just. really in life's nature to never ever be quite enough. so changing mindset is. really important but. still. it aches.#n i know i miss a lot. n i know i wish i did more n i cld do more even now. but we're all busy n#no it's. it's fine. i think what's best is for all of us to do what we can with our own selves so that we can do more w the rest of the#world too. n i'm sure i'll find a way that works for me. i know what i want; & i'll just promise to never let go. never forget.#n that wld be enough rn. theres only so little time in the world n it feels like it goes by far too fast but. i for one has never forgotten#n. i'll always be here. BUT YEAH WAIT I'M ACTUALLY BUSY TOO I SHLD DO MY ASSIGNMENTS TMRRW BCS I WNA REST 😭😭
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gormbus · 2 years
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i default to assuming that other people have had the same experience/do the thing but like.
im beginning to think that maybe it is less common than i thought to mentally process abstract concepts by creating a geometric representation of different sets of information forming a structure with facets/sides & the shape is usually something which is impossible to actually render in real life 3dimensional space (like the kinda thing that can be rendered numerically + in math notation, but the numbers cant be geometrically plotted or graphed in a visual representation of all the like functions, data, equations n shit) like abstract information sets contain a common shared structure created by patterns/reflections/behavior that cohere and/or combine to create a structure or space?? like. the year is a narrow retangular shape with two ends that simeultaneously both connect to form a loop and exist separately on the extreme ends of the rectangle ???
so i like rotate the shapes in mental space & within this set both silent thoughts & audible ones where in both i talk to myself in a 3 person conversation beween the speaker "we" or "I" as well as a third perspective addressing me (while being me) as "you"????? they are often at odds. and!! what about the groups of people who exist apart in the mind & from a distance witness the conversation & sometimes speak either collectively or as an individual????? like a chorus kind of?
i like genuinely dont know whether those ones are just me or like. a thing people often do. i feel like this is a pretty obvious one from an outside perspective, but i honestly have no idea which. i hope it's a lot of other people tho because maybe one day i can talk w/ someone who also has seen the patterns & forms within sudoku which are like, not in the actual 3×3 grid containing a sub-grid in every space, but in the connections between the motion and the logic of movement + placement of the numbers & the alternate laws of geometry that create an interior space that's also an exterior surface bounding the space??? pls someone pls it is the shape rotated and reoriented in the mind that you use to complete the actual puzzle by using the existing parts of the shape to complete the missing portions of the astronomical-scale object in empty space/inside of some some structure within the scale of human architecture??? and it is so so beautiful to see it, and one day i will find someone else who has seen the beauty so that we can share the joy of the experience tbh. like if u have any love for the noble hypercube, the figure & form of the machinery that is the puzzle which is used to solve the actual written puzzle on the page by rendering the positions indicated on the shape as a 3x3 matrix of positive integers containing every element of the set of ordinal 9 where
S = {𝑥 ∈ ℕ : 0 ≤ 𝑥 ≤ 9} under the definition of natural numbers where ℕ={∅, |ℤ|}
(i almost did a double major w/ math but dropped it last minute & did writing with a focus on speculative (usually body horror) fiction, and im not sucking my own dick here about being a big nerd; i mean that i havent taken a math class since i was like 19 & have this radically mutated notation in my head that isnt even real math anymore. and the kind of thing that contributes to whatever generates my weird mr bean guy essence. that in combination w/ my 14 piercings confuses ppl and keeps somehow getting me in with night cashiers @ 24hr gas stations where im a late night regular. they let me in on the 3am circleK gossip & ongoing happenings. i feel like this post is maybe too revealing abt the way i live. rolled the joint too big. i know im always writing posts while high, but thats just the only time i ever post on this website & im pretty sure that has a big affect on my perceived general persona. (david byrne voice) I'M! AN! OR! DI! NA! RY! GUY! )
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cognitosclowns · 2 years
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I hope this isn't to weird but...we all know Glenn is repressed about a lot of things. But do you think he would be in denial about being touch/affection-starved until he meets an very affectionate reader? (starved for some Glenn x reader because I'm a Glenn simp😅)
EEE <333 GOODNESS
SFW BELOW
OKAY THIS MIGHT BE A BIT SCRAMBLED SO FORGIVE ME BUT,,
He's,,, so big n strong + super abrasive w/ people so,,, ppl usually don't go outta their way to touch him for fear of losing a hand?? Even ppl he’d consider himself close to,,, usually don’t offer any casual affection </3
HE DOESN'T REALLY UNDERSTAND HOW BAD IT IS UNTIL HE GETS WITH YOU LMAO OH BOYE
Like <33 he's sitting down at his desk working on smth, and you put your hand on his to get his attention and he visibly pauses?? Like his whole body Tenses Up immediately bc of how,,, unfamiliar the sensation is </3
He does not register a single word you’re saying bc,, he’s much to invested in the way your hand is squeezing his?? Gently rubbing your thumb along the side??
1000% tries to deflect with General Grumbling, a-la 'what'd'y think you're doin', sneaking up me like that >:((('
YKNOW WHAT THAT'S PROBABLY GONNA BE HIS REACTION FOR THE FIRST,,, 10-15 times you try to show him affection. 
This instantaneous Grimace, Lots of Old Man Huffing and grunting about how you 'don't need’ta fuss >:(' , etc, etc <33
DONT WORRY, HE'LL GET OVER THAT HURDLE EVENTUALLY SMDNSD HE'S JUST VERY BAD AT LETTING HIMSELF BE VULNERABLE
It really is like,, All Or Nothing, once he gets through that hurdle. Either he’s gonna toss you around like a hacky-sack, or he’ll hold like you’re made of talcum powder and prayers. No middle ground with Glenn Dolphman smdnsd
Like you go to sit down and he pulls out the chair, cups your back n shoulder to ease you into it <333
When you come in he’ll ently slip your coat off, trailing his hands down your arms <333
JUST,, THOSE CLASSIC SOUTHERN-GENTLEMAN-ROMANTIC-THINGS. His mother raised him right dammit - he may be an abrassive asshole but <333 he also knows how to treat a lover smnsdms
OH expect Lots of affection to your neck n shoulders!! He has Big Strong Hands so <33333 expect plenty of shoulder massages <333
OH <3333 BUT IF YOU RECIPROCATE THAT??? HE’S GONNA DIE
im going off on a tangent about this shit <333 bc guh men <33 you can’t stop me this is my rodeo buckaroo
Cause yeah sure him doing stuff for you feel natural for him bc,, Big Strong Man Grr etc, BUT YOU DOING SHIT FOR HIM?????
Shitty vision + refuses to wear glasses = he's hunched over at his desk while he works on blueprints. That in combination w/ how much the surgery fucked with his spine means YOUCH HIS BACK N SHOULDERS HURT CONSTANTLY
he might fuss a bit at first or tense a bit, but,,, once you get that little spot btwn his shoulder blades???
he murmurs a breathless 'sweet jesus' and BAGABING BADABOOM HE'S PUTTY IN YOUR HANDS BABEY HAVE FUN <3333
lots of delightfully throaty hums n groans??? With every sigh he relaxes a little bit more,, until his hands are fully unclenched, head dipping forwards,
(... also lots of Cursing when you're too rough lmao)
SNDBS IF YOU WANNA MAKE HIS BRAIN SHUT OFF?? just,, come up to him and sit in his lap/straddle his thigh. he'll look at you like you've just grown a third head.
YOU KNOW IT, YOU LOVE IT : HIS ACCENT BECOMES AN INDECIPHERABLE PASTE <333 just this long string of Southern Noises Of Surprise, Mixed With Some Vague Words, before he Nods Firmly As If He's Said Something Very Reasonable smdnsmd.
OH AND LIKE <333 HE’S SUCH A SHOW OFF. COME ON, HE’S THIS BIG OL MANLY MAN, OF COURSE HE’S GONNA PICK YOU UP OUTTA NOWHERE.
 Scoop you up in his arms and spin you before giving you a Big Kiss On the Neck <3333333 domestic bliss suits him nicely
ESPECIALLY IF YOURE BEING STUBBORN. Like if you’re,, working super late?? He’ll just straight up pick up the chair you’re sitting in and bring you into your bedroom n,,, toss you onto the bed like fresh laundry lmao. He won’t have you neglecting yourself <333
IF YOU’VE BEEN GONE FOR A WHILE??? Your back is gonna pop audibly when he swings you around in this,, Massive Bear-Hug-Kiss. He forgets his own strength sometimes sorry
THIS WAS JUST A BUNCHA MISC STUFF SO LMK IF YOU HAD SMTH ELSE IN MIND!!! 
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ticklishpeter · 4 years
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𝐭𝐮𝐚 𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐥𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬:
STRAP IN EVERYONE THIS IS A BUMPY RIDE
ok first of all :: here’s my ranking from least to most ticklish (and yes im including lila fuck off): allison, luther, ben, klaus, lila, vanya, five, diego!!!! like theyre all hella ticklish, don’t get me wrong, but khjdfs this is like based on how many spots they have tbh
a whole fckin novel under the cut tbh jhkgfsd
allison’s worst and perhaps only spot is her armpits???? she’s real giggly and v free and open about it!!!! squeals galore m8
luther’s legs??? like his whole legs?? and his feet. and like his neck but only lowkey;;; basically everything that wasn’t effected by the serum
well  um… ben’s dead. but he’s about as ticklish and squeaky as a dead boy could be!! he tries to keep his laughter silent bc he’s embarrassed about it 🥺 his tummy’s sensitive as heck but they all have to be real careful just in case they end up summoning something on accident hfwkjs, and his feet are also HELLA ticklish ok
so yeah, klaus’ hips being the WORST is a big sorta community-wide headcanon and i’m so super on board, but also his ribs?? especially the backs of them / his shoulder blades?? and his palms tbh?? he’s screamin 
lila’s ribs and inner thighs are like,, hyper sensitive?? but also her butt and tops of her feet? kjsdygh don’t ask me why. she’s also a big squealer and would definitely punch u successfully if u tease her about it ok she’s baby
another baby: vanya 🥺🥺🥺 another rly popular headcanon is that she gigglesqueaks at the slightest touch on her neck/under her chin/around her ears kfjhdgb and i absolutely love it but she also is so squirmy when she gets tickled basically everywhere ,, but only soft tickles bc hard ones overwhelm her lowkey
FIVE’S KNEES OKAY im ON THE BANDWAGON. scribbles or squeezes on or around his knees make him SCREAM BLOODY MURDER and he covers his face almost always bc one time klaus took a picture of his scrunched up red laughing face and he just,,, damn he really wishes he wasn’t in his 13 y/o body bc how ticklish he is just makes him feel like such a baby and he hates it. hiS ribs and armpits are also so so bad. also he’s a kicker for SURE
and diego… wowowow diego. ticklish evERYWHERE ok but he’s also the type to be like squealing and giggling “i’m not! i’m not!!!!” when someone teases him asking if he’s ticklish. he’s a VIOLENT THRASHER and even tho, again he’s ticklish everywhere, get his tummy or his sides??? ur DONE bro he loses his strength but just throws himself around and snorts a TON. he’s also super easily brought to tears and hiccupy cackles (honest to god i could do a whole post about lee!diego i love him so much)
diego's laughter is mostly silent but like you'll hear the occasional squeak or hiccup, which makes him cover his face bc embarrassment and tough boys don't squeak. bouncy shoulders and just trEMBLING w laughter uwu
luther honestly only lets allison tickle him sans revenge kjhdfs any other siblings that try?? theyre gettin grabbed and wrecked ok. but w allison, he just kinda giggles and really gently tries to squirm away uwu
lila’s teases, towards diego especially, are BRUTAL “aww what’s the matter, knife boy? is someone’s tummy a wittle tickwish?” and um,,, while he’s like trying not to break, she gets up real close to his face and gives him this fucking DEADLY teasy grin before wrecking him with pokes. all that combined makes him sNORT n break which lila laughs at and makes him blush even more kwfhjds
fivey uses his teleportation to his advantage,, he’ll sneak up on his siblings, squeeze their sides, and blink away in like seconds so he’s hard to catch,  and he’s so COCKY about it all ,, unless he’s being tickled of course, he gets totally powerless
vanya didnt get like any tickles up until like,,,, maybe just this last season lmao but she would always notice the kids having tickle fights or grace giving them lil cheer up pokes so i have in my mind that sissy was the first to tickle her (sissy prob just touched her neck a little too soft and vanya just melted)
and now the ones who tickle vanya the most are deFINITELY allison and klaus
five turns into a fish outta water when his knees are squeezed lmao (aj reference not intended),,, but i just picture his WHOLE body fucking FLAILING and him just kicking like a kid having a tantrum
diego and five both curse up STORMS and hurl HELLA death threats when theyre tickled like,,, anywhere.  perhaps bc they always insist theyre not ticklish lmao and so they gotta keep that big boy facade goin somehow (but yk it’s hard when ur a giggle puddle)!!!!
i can just hear them both cackling and squeaking before “YOU FUCKING BASTAHAHAHHHJKSDBDR” and klaus being all teasy n shit like “i dont think i caught that, i’m fucking who now??”
which ofc brings me to my headcanon that klaus, along with allison, are the biggest lers of the family tbh (which is wild bc klaus is my fav and usually with my favs i’m like ✨ur a lee✨ but idk man) tHEY’RE BOTH JUST SO TEASY
let’s face it tbh allison’s basically the mom of the group so she’s def the one that’s giving them tickles if she can tell theyre upset but also so frickin mean in a tickle fight ksdgjy
and i know klaus would just be ruthless as a ler,, and he finds tickles fun and almost relaxing in a way (except for his hips; that’s a death wish) which ofc is no fun for his siblings who wanna torture him hwkjsfg
klaus usually wins tickle fights if theyre one on one??? unless it’s against ben,, which sucks bc he’s the only one who could even wreck ben so to lose to a ghost? humiliating kshdjg,  ben can tickle ppl while he’s possessing them by just tickling the body he’s in lmao so yeah he gets klaus a LOT
but as of late, klaus will give ben a few pokes and tickles just to hear his noises bc theyre just,, SO FUNNY to him  which usually results in a slap in the face and hella revenger from benjamin LOL
some of them have little things they just repeat when theyre getting tickled and laughing so hard like,,,  diego just strainingly goes “nonononono,” lila squeals “shitshitshitshit,” five just grunts expletive after expletive: “fuckingshitihateyoufuckfuck,” and vanya honestly kinda sounds like “sksksksks” bc she starts saying stop but she doesn’t want it to stop so she’s stops herself kdufsjh
you'd think that luther would be able to get away from tickles super easily but all of his strength is just LOST like immediately ,,, and when it's not, he doesn't want to hurt anyone so he just takes it and rolls around so tickle fights have been pretty comical lmao
highkey tho tickle fights between diego and lila are actually like really tough matches??? like there's never really a clear winner bc theyre both just so stubborn and ticklish and would never admit defeat
ray tickled allison ALL the time bro like the precious couple they always were meant to be and ray always took so much pride in the fact that he wasn’t ticklish at all lmaoooo
baby talk teases frickin DESTROY fivey tbh they annoy him so much but they just make him all the more giggly
ok those are all my general ones that came to me right just now at 9:47pm on august 9 2020 lmao
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lanamemories · 5 years
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hLO itsa me nai-io!!!!! (read shrieked in a high voice like mario if he buckled his dungarees too tight around the crotch)...... im sad i missed opening bt i had a pretty busy past 2 days so i didn’t hav any chance at all to b online bc i ws staying at a friends bt. anyway. excited to b here nw regardless of my Fashionably Late entrance. i’m 22 n live in manchester (the u freakin k Bay Bee) n cackle a little too mch like a witch fr supernatural suspicions nt to arise. thts all u rly need to kno. like this or hmu fr plots!! 
p.s. this is her pinterest for those of u tht like tht kind of thing
「 bridget satterlee. cis-female. 」have you seen lana jameson around yet? i hear SHE decided to be in ALPHA NU for their JUNIOR year as a DANCE major. the 21 year old SHEEP is known to be vivacious, alluring, childish and impulsive. ➨ the muse is written by nai. she is 22, in the gmt.
some random aesthetics: a red water pistol topped up with caribbean rum and covered in stickers of cartoon pin up girls, a vinyl record whirring silently because you got too distracted by a stranger’s hands to reach over and flip sides, giant inflatable flamingos floating in the aftermath of a pool party, smudgy lipstick kisses left like an autograph on someone else’s mirror, seventies platforms covered in bowie inspired lightening stripes, fanning the flush in your cheeks with a bright red flamenco fan in the back of a crowded lecture hall, michelangelo reminiscent statures clasping at their stone in suggestive places, bopping stranger’s on the forehead with heart shaped lollipops, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’, lighting a paper lantern and saying “aw, how pretty,” only for the whole party to shriek as it crashes into a children’s tent in the next garden over, a ball point pen that turns a woman naked when you click up the nib, cackling so ferociously that you almost throw up and your ribs ache.
ok im a Lay Zee gorl n dnt wna waste any mre time redoin lana’s intro so im pastin in her old one so i cn hop right to interactions. the only thing i can think tht needs to b added is the stuff abt danny nielsen (an evil npc of mine bc im a sadist) who recently beat up zeke van doren (full name this is Official feel like im writin a journalist article) bc he found out him n lana slept tgether n her n danny were kind of dating if....u can call his idea of romance tht. danny is in custody nw bt its a whole Thing like.... is prob... known around lockwood bc it ws a pretty intense..... thing tht happened n danny ws quite a popular senior
grew up in a big house in albany, NY, bt also spent time all over the place n was in the city a lot
okay so her mum is an old money socialite / three time campaign model way back when n her dad is a big record label mogul. he owns a label called jameson records n they repped a few big rock bands back in the eighties, altho they’re mostly known for ‘poppy injects’ whose lead singer had a big heroin scandal tht brought down his career. lana p much grew up around musicians snorting lines instead of spooning down cereal fr breakfast n her parents were v much absent her whole life
they’re pretty well off obviously n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably very pretty
her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her. it was v clear that she was an accident after her older brother caleb n that even when they just had him alone they weren’t cut out for parenthood. they always kind of jst… ignored her n hoped she’d go away. she had to mke herself microwave meals when she ws only like 12 bc they’d forget to get her anything. once she went like 6 days without her mum even looking her in the eyes once
despite this tho!!! she’s always been insanely close w her brother caleb. he’s her whole world. thts why when he decided to sign up to the army she ws understandably scared bt supported him after initially bein mad tht he ws leavin her all alone. bt then he wound up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed his best friend die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home n he was never the same n lana kind of felt like he’d died out there too. he’s in n out of hospital a lot n it’s rly hard on her bt she doesn’t tlk abt it to anyone rly
growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. jst literally…. knew everyone n everyone definitely knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once. she has this magnetic way abt her tht is kind of hard to find in real life. it’s something ud only rly expect out of a movie character n she like. deliberately puts tht on sort of. kind of.... is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as
she’s always been insatiably spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand stories tht always earn a laugh or a gasp over how ridiculously absurd they r
anyway so after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself
this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not
she also currently? is working as a cam girl. she found this website bc she trawls… porn stuff a lot n she wound up applying to work as one bc she thought it’d b fun n wld earn her some disposal income (even tho she frankly doesn’t need it bc she’s already well off). the guy tht manages all of the girls on the site is kind of suspect n it’s a whole plot i’m gna unravel where it’s actually like the front for a cult or something wild so. stay posted ig. kgjdkgjh
personality/some fun facts: uncontrollably flirty. boundlessly confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n her comedy is sometimes surreal / absurd. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine. always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. her fav book as a child used to b alice in wonderland n she’d fantasise abt having her own little wonderland too where everyone knew her name n asked her things n took her on adventures. at the time it didn’t rly strike her how evident it was tht that was bc she was so lonely. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s strawberry laces or gummy bears or cherry lollipops. she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think. wildflowers r her favourites bc they’re the brightest and u can’t buy them. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another
plot ideas: exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her? a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other. someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh. an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool). someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label. someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh. umm a good influence too mayb? oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it. honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days
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shakchunni · 5 years
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desi tag!
tagged by resident ig baddie @lblis 💜
1.What’s your name and what does it mean? zaheen, according to my mom means talented and i also heard from my pakistani teachers that it means intelligent in urdu
2.Where from the motherland is you/your family from? everyone in my family is from chittagong bangladesh 
3.Would you move back to where your family is from, why or why not? as much as i love bangladesh... no lots of reasons involving me having less freedom there as a wamen and the political climate lol but also i dont feel a sense of home there anymore :’(
4.What language(s) can you speak? bangla hindi urdu english mainly and french ig
5.Favorite Bollywood movie? probably kabhi khushi kabhi gham or kuch kuch hota hai
6. Favorite desi meal? tehari, paya, hilsha fish w mustard yum yum n fish paturi
7.Where in the motherland do you want to visit? sylhet ! it’s known for it’s tea gardens n lots of historical landmarks and sonargaon (it means village of gold!) for the architecture
8.Favorite desi singer? bengali bands my parents listened to: souls, miles, renaissance, and bhumi
9.Describe your favorite desi outfit? currently i rly love gararas i bought a pink one for the last eid and it was so gorgeous 
10.Can you make a round roti? YES ! i have always been naturally talented at making perfect rotis (wife material mashallah) my grandma used to taunt my mom when i was little bc she sucks at it hehe
11.Favorite Bollywood actor? i hate men
12.Favorite Bollywood actress?  kajol, deepika, sonam, madhuri, priyanka 
13.Favorite desi in the western media? hhmm priyanka ig 
14.Strange superstitions you’ve heard from relatives. dont go out during maghreb dont have ur hair loose at/after maghreb bc jins if u bite ur tongue or get hiccups someone is thinking about u dont play with shadows bc it will bring bad luck
15.Describe your spice tolerance. very high my family is from the part of bangladesh stereotypically known for eating extra spicy food hfjkjs and my dad’s family eats rly spicy food on top of that so both of those combined.. 
16.Best street food. fuchka! otherwise known as pani puri. also bhelpuri and those little newspaper cones they sell with fried muri and onions and peanut and chillies 
17.The weirdest question you got from a non desi person. “how come u dont have an accent if u lived there”
18.How do you like your chai? i dont :/
19.When was the last time you have visited the motherland (if you dont live there)? 3 years :”((((
20.Your favorite and least favorite part of your culture?
favorite: literally everything aurang said really “desi” culture is so vibrant and diverse we have so many different kinds of cultures and within those sm languages and clothes and food and music and everything it rly makes me proud to belong to such a colourful culture :”) i was reading some books my grandad gave me and the author was talking about how dhaka, where i grew up, was one of the most prosperous cities in the subcontinent in the medieval times n makes me kinda mad to think abt how we had that taken away from us thx to white ppl :)  
least favorite: how brown people are late to everything and colourism and antiblackness and how the colour of ur skin denotes the way people, especially women, are treated. also the other day my mom was saying how i cant take this one pair of pants to bangladesh bc u can kind of barely see the outline of my legs and it look’s “trashy” and no one wants to see that when literally every man in my family walks around shirtless only in a lungi like i dont wanna see that but i digress 
im gonna tag @sitaaras @bengalifairy @ubhokami @hoseoch @kuraepika and any other desitual who may wanna do this i can’t rmbr anymore even though i know u guys exist :/
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kendrixtermina · 6 years
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Typing Misadventures - IN edition
So, typing and the difficulties therein.
Aside from person-specific ad-hominems, some that have been elaborated upon in attempts to explain them on this very website.
Sensors: Bad Sensor descriptions written by NPs, combining with the fact that Sensors rely a lot on developing a practical experential “feel” for things. A bad, vague and overly abstract description that doesn’t relate to their life is gonna be not very useful. (especially for SFPs for whom what they relate to is srz bzness) - Interestingly I’ve seen a lot of Sensors saying that they easily indentify particular types once they have encountered them IRL. (Speculation: With intuitives it probably depends more on wether they have their definitrions straight.)
Ne-Doms: Type-hop and doubt their type alot because they know they always could be mistyped and possibilities are the primary facet of reality for them. The “creative” nature of the auxillary, and their auxillary being a function that generates and handles belief systems,  means they can always reinterpret the evidence by redoing their reasoning or reassigning meaning, also the lack of Si leads to less constancy in their thinking, they change opinion easily, which is normally an asset, but not so much for self-typing as every input generates new ideas. (The auxillaries also have this but to a much lesser degree - b/c)
But today, I want to talk about INs (I know, boring - but those are what I know the most about since I am one.)
You may have seen me caveat my posts with “Unless I am actually an xNFP or something” as of late Yeah. It went about like this:
Troll: Haha you’re mistyped!
Me: Why?
Troll: because X.
Me: I have an alternate, more fitting explanation for X and a lot of things which my current typing explains betters especially when you get into the nuance of mbti theory.
Troll: (*hamfistedly applies overreductionistic function definition*) “Anyone who ever quotes a source ever is a Te user”. Just like anyone who ever mentions memory is a SJ amirite?
Troll: *shifts the topic to my person and then accuses me of talking about myself*
Me: *blocks troll largely to curttail own tendency to waste time & energy with internet arguments*
So at my best,  I believe in not dismissing inconvenient PoVs and double-checking, and the main point of replying them was to leave an alternate opinion for future readers hence no point in continuing after that had been done.  
At my worst damn inf Fe makes it hard to ignore input even if I don’t believe it’s justified (except when it fails to pick them up - as inferior functions are wont to be its either sluggish or AHH with little inbetween. ) and that lil 8 fix of mine doesn’t want to “stand down quietly”.  
So I ask a few reasonable, knowledgeable, non-troll person, one of which said “Hm, could be, you anecdote alot which X type also does”
I believed this was better accounted for by simple ol’ Si and w4-self revealing tendencies, but, how could I know for sure? I never denied having a pronounced 4wing and fix, but I thought that sufficiently explaining their perceived discrepancies insofar as I found them consistent with reality and indeed all data collected so far. Too much would just be filed away as “inf Te” as a blanket term, the way any sign that [fan favorite character] is ST rather than INFJ is “inferior Se” though that supposed “inferior” is 80% of what she does and all moments claimed for F or N are the sort of situations where anyone would display emotion or philosophizing and what intuition they display is distinctly Ne instead. 
Like the proverbial man who dreamt of being a frog I couldn’t cast the doubt from my mind and went over reinterpreting my thought patterns throughout the day. How do I know I’m NOT X type? After all my idea of and criteria for type are based on the definitions I extracted from various mbti sources when first familiarzing myself with the topic… how do I know I understood it correctly? How can ANY human correctly understand a definition if they have to deduce/reconstruct/guess what the other meant with their own flawed mind?
(At this point the non-INs in the audience might be rolling their eyes)
I still thought my type made the most sense but the person, through trolling in that particular instance, was not alltogether clueless and had some good insights, and also, some ppl agreed with them (theres that Fe again) - I was pretty sure I was in the holographic-panomramic thinking style but I could be wrong,  thats a fairly rarely used concept which I simply started using cause I thought it made sense. ENFPs can mistake themselves for introverts. I have been mistaken for extrovert b/c of my lack of filter… but I was pretty sure I was a very pronouncedintrovert and had Fe, and so I went over it over and over again.
They said I didn’t comprehend _ i had some theory as to why they thought the way they did (not just bias against xNFPs but assuming all Ti is like aux Ti. After all, an introverted function as a dominant builds a framework and may be reluctant to accept or need time to withdraw when said framework clashes with reality to the point of needing a full revamping, purportedly resulting in a certain stubbornness particularly if it’s a Ji function.  )
but what if I really Didn’t comprehend? Then all my reasoning would be worthless! I dont think I have the skills of an INFP, but what if i misunderstood those? Was a lot of what I’d attributed to Ti just Ne? i thought I had rather typical Ti speech patterns (it was hard to unsee, like my brain used a highly predictable parsing alghorithm to make thoughts into words) but they disagreed and pointed to what they thought was Fi. 
I thought that despite all the differences introduced by  shared preferences and  there were differences between I and the Fi doms I knew. The 9 and the 6 were much more lowkey, non-confrontational than I and way more perceptive in line with how socionics describes Fi as the “Ethics of Relations” and how Nardi calls it an “Inner state of listening/reacting”; I mostly listen to the contents of someone’s words; I’d spot a liar by contradiction or unbeliavable statements, or by deducing what beliefs they are operating from. Feelers supposedly use primarily tone of voice... but I have sure noticed tone of voice a few times, and this is a qualia. I can’t compare what “Fi” or “Ti” feel like without making assumptions of which one I am using. 
Supposedly
The 4! INFPs should be the most similar to me, on the other hand, they tend to have a certain...absoluteness in their beliefs and statements in a way I wouldn’t be comfortable with. I’m more hesitant, more relativizing, adding qualifiers etc so bI don’t say anything incorrect. 
I don’t mean to bash the INFPs here, they are usually just processing their specific feels and do not mean to imply things about others. (Tumblr INFP: “I, an INFP, experience X.”. Tumblr xxFJ: “Are you saying that other types don’t????? You can’t say that! How self absorbed are you?” Immature  Tert Fe User:*distantly feels the same urge toward ,moral condemnation as FJ,but couldn’t care less if INFP offends anyone -  settles for calling them a snowflake instead. * TJs and Ti doms: *roll their eyes, half-assedly consider correcting whoever they disagree with but ultimately just keep scrolling*) Of course Team Fe sometimes has a point if the INFP in question is young and/or irresponsible. 
Example: 
One INFP 4w5: “I be those shallow fake bitches look down on you just because you don’t wear as much makeup. I don’t think anyone who wears makeup can be trusted, unless it’s like,halloween makeup or something like that, they’re just putting up fake faces to be popular.”
Me (let’s say, presumed INTP 5w4): “I dunno... Like I agree that those girls are shallow bitches,if they had spines, they wouldn’ perform arbitrary fake behavior just to be popular.* But not everyone is the same - maybe some people might just wear makeup because they like how it looks. The real problem is people being judged by arbitrary conventions on principle. What does is matter whether someone wears makeup or not? Its a made-up convention with no real reason.  It’s none of anyone’s business.”
* for the record I have since realized that there’s nothing bad about wanting to be popular as long as yopu dont harm anyone, and that for some people its genuinely what they want. I was, like,  13. Common (w)4 pitfall I guess. 
As you see both I and this middle school friend of mine are expressing 4-ish povs, but I used to think  the difference in our reasoning highlighted some differences. 
Granted this is more 5w4 vs 4w5 than necessarily Ti vs Fi,  Could just be the 5′s general disconnect toward action and desire to “know more first”. 
There are 5 INFPs. after all. Mostly sx 5s and as such differentiable from the relatively intense, dramatic sx 4 as long as you’re certain enough that they’re sx. Thinking about how to describe them. More second-guessing and ‘drifting’ than the 4 ones but like them in their analytical nature. A different kind of contemplative.  Still reasons distinctlylike an INFP - See, One of them was religious, for example, and I’m pretty sure an INTP would have had more posts about why they were religious or not, though it’s one of the types most likely to be a non-believer, the religious ones tend to have a theological bent and talk about the perfection and incomprehensibility of god, how god is totally logical etc. (Thomas Acquinas is a famous example) - their faith will be an ordered self-consistent system. A bit like that example of copernikus assuming the orbits must be perfectly circular because natture as he understood it would tend toward the most “perfect” forms. I’m not religious and I could likewise talk about that at lenght.
Arguments that convinced me:  “This is how these beliefs came from, not an actual god” and “If were made out of single celled organism who die all the time as shed skin cells, how would the rest of them dieing at once be different?” “Even if your religion is true that means many, if not all others are not. So at least all some must be myths. How is your “true” religion different from them?” 
Arguments made by famous Te-Fi users: “Occams Razor.” “We can’t disprove a giant sucker on the back of Pluto either, but its no reason to suppose one.”“Belief in god hampers human development and creates dependent, slavish mentality”
That 5!INFP’s attitude toward their belief reminded me more of another Fi dom I know (albeit an ISFP). “Yeah, I know the common objections, but look, it’s what I believe. Don’t come into my house and be a jerk to me about it.” or “[Assholish behavior] is not actually in line with my religion. My religion, and this aspect of it, are actually about love/peace/duty/etc” 
If, while conversing,  you hit a hard disagreement, that is,  an axiom that’s not up for debate, your Fi-dom friend may change the topic/agree to disagree/ “It’s just the way I feel” 
[This could apply to other moral or ideological questions religion is just an example; This is not supposed to be about religion it’s just here to illustrate a perceived difference. . I’m not implying all INFPs have the same approach to religion or even have to be religious.]
Another conversation I remember having with them actually on the very subject of Fi vs Fe. IDK how we got to that topic but I mentioned something I initially thought was an enneagram thing (my memory is vague on the details) but I mentioned something like lowkey feeling guilty for receiving praise that I believe was undeserved. 
She deemed it a Fe thing and said that for her, as a Fi dom/ fe opposing type, a bit of praise she did not agree with might not cause any reaction at all unless she thought they had a point  or otherwise had a reaction from her end, like deciding the criticism was unfair - why should she feel guilty b/c of what someone else says? 
Granted that’s just an anecdote, but what am I to do? INFP 5s are not super common. Also I’m not making this decisionbased on any single of these examples but... not even from the “preponderance” so much as to how they can be best explained. 
And  of course, if I really did get everything wrong after looking into the topic for years, what guarantee is there that I typed any of those people correctly? None, as one of the trolls/claimants correctly pointed out. 
After all what I want is the truth, it doesn’t matter what it is. Or at least that is what I strive for as much as human frailty allows. so what if I’m an INFP? INFPs are awesome. I even considered the type early on, I just thougnt INTP fit better especially once I found out about inferior functions.  And I have always held that a person has no obligation to follow their “talents”. If I don’t have a “talent” for reason (which isn’t the same as mbti thinking anyways) all the reasons why I believe that it is a good way of life to aim for would still stand. Reason is a method to correct for human error and bias, after all, the error and bias we all have, no matter what Ji function we use.
Type insofar as it can even be said to be a real thing is a classfication of emergent qualities, not a hard measure you can get in an instrument. 
As much as I’d want to figure this out, there comes a point where you just have to like step back and put it in context.  it’s just a personality test/ little tool to facilitate communication in which “maybe this or that” is more helpful than nothing. 
Striving for it despite not being handed talent at birth is all the more worthwhile - and if reason was only for certain kinds of people what’s the point of it? Regardless of what tropes people associate with “science” or “logic”, what they actually are by definition are simple basic methods.
Last but not least there was a moment
Soo, existential crisis. At least they can’t doubt that I’m a melancholic or an oldham ideosyncraticXD
Then,  my doubt crumbled away to the “ mostly sure, dont think it could be anything else but im not omnicient” levels at which it was before.
What happened? Well, a rare event:
Well, I went outside and talked to people.
I visited my folks, saw new places, got into a few unscripted situations in other words. 
I’ve seen one post detailing that INs may mistype because they analyze themselves as a whole, feature in less apparent traits and second-guess their reasoning worrying about bias, noticing what sticks out more than the norm etc.  and so on and that may be it in part but I don’t think it’s only this relatively “noble”, too-much-of-a-good-thing mistake.
- It’s a matter about how we are all about ~extrapolating~ from data and using multiple data points and less about decisiveness and practicality. We brood away endlessly trying to come up with interpretations and conceptualizations that makes all the data points fit rather than just going with what they themselves largely seem to suggest. 
One good description I once heard is that Intuitives think in networks while Sensors think in puzzle pieces - I went overboard trying to build ever more complex networks instead of going “Yeah, with all the puzzle pieces so far it’s probably this.”. 
Sometimes the latter approach can be incomplete and miss game changing interconnections - but just as often, the former gets convoluted and therefore, both uselessly vague and too far removed from the actual data its meant to interpret. 
Aaaand, well, almost every sentence I said was “Did you know that...?” or “I think so/ don’t think so because of [observation followed by possible deduction].
Sure, I could be biased in my observation or unconsciously “doing it on purpose to appear a certain way” even if I don’t think I am or care about that, , but some critical mass of “doing it on purpose” would itself be equivalent with 5 (or a 3)
I was a little afraid one time; I reacted by withdrawing and looking at the whole thing as an observatrion and it was a highly temporary thing. And as much as I complain about Fe users playing police, I may have been guilty of one moment of overreacting, unwanted/socially-chiding “help” myself there. (The person perhaps justly called me a know-it-all. They were wrong about one thing but I may have handled it all more constructively) I repeatedly expressed vague undifferentiated preferrences that were closer to analyzing what factors were at work rather than having clear like/dislike reasons readily available. .
I critiqued a TV show (myself and the local INTJ annoying all the non-NTs with our loud, animated critiquing ) and a big factor to being unabvle to enjoy it fully was the lack of High-Concept abstract sci fi content and mostly the lack of consistency - normally a lot of my enjoyment would come from extrapolatinmg and deducing what the world is like and how it, the themes and charactzers “work”, but here I coulnd do that because it was tacked onto a ‘verse it did not fit into. I observed how said INTJ and I reacted to us correcting each other on small things with like a brief thanks or apology & just moving on whilst similar things had gotten annoyed snarks out of our otherwise patient Feeler sister...
The nails in the coffin were those 2 tumblr posts, one about differences in how Fi and low Fe argue (the latter pile including 3 phrases I used verbatim in the last discussion with my SO just hours earlier) and a post by the afore mentioned “resonable poster” about, as she called it “oversharing in soc variants vs soc blinds” though the correct amount of sharing might well be in the eye of the beholder.
But that was the one objection of the troll I didn’t have a non-vague satisfactory reply to, what rly kept me wondering rather than “eh not gonna reinvent the wheel again”, something about “sp/sx woldn’t have long descriptions or emo rants” Apparently they do when they never have to dea with the person again (such as on the internets. )
IDK I did move the description so no one’s forced to read it but lots of peeps have one (This is like... a blogging site??) but the reasons for its existence had more to do with “completionist urges related to then-current obsession (typology)” and “So I like X, bite me.” sort of sentiment than whatever it was they presuposed. 
Dear Causal-Deterministic peeps (ENTP, INFP, ISTP, ESFP): Instances of the same behavior can be caused by different causes! Look at this: 2 4 8.
What’s the pattern? - Could be “powers of 4″.  Could also be “even numbers” or even “any increasing integer”. 
Of course this whole mess is an example of where we H-P folks (INTP, ENFP, ISFP, ESTP) look at everything from multiple angels/Povs, (”Is it like this? Is it lika that? It COULD be seen this other way...”) rather than, well, decide which ones are most relevant here/ “Pick one”. At least the SPs have Se to “just grab one” or whatever it is they do. 
Whereas we just stand there speculating XD The ENFPs sorta do it too but in a whole different way/ area of life? 
Me: “Either he is nuts or I am nuts because we can’t both be telling the truth!”
ENFP: “Well I empasize with both of you so I don��t think either of you is nuts?”
Me: Sorry but this is a real dichotomy here for once. If he dun nothing wrong, then I would be wrong for accusing him thus, just as he says..
ENFP: Can we all agree to disagree and chil maybe? plz??
Might also be why there`s this overlap between ENFPs and Universalists? Though obviously not all ENFPs are universalists and vice versa. 
So yeah. Kinda comical in hindsight. I started out all second guess-ey and entertaining both possibilities in parallel but in the end, well, I do think it’s INTP after all, at least, I’d say its the most probable by a considerable margin. Most definitely 5 tho. For all the occasionall 4 ness its by far the most overwhelming tendency in day to day life/thinking ugh cant I NOT spew nerd facts about everything in sight. What are other conversaton topics? 
Bottom Line: By thinking about your own thinking you alter your thinking, and that way lie 2nd order chaotic systems, the Uncertainty Principle and Goedel’s Theorem...
So going outside both threw me out of that recursion and added new, raw data as a means to test the competing hypotheses. It forced me to see what I actually act like by and large in a natural setting rather than the many ways I could interpret or read the way I act like, which like, is not actually all that mysterious lol
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