Tumgik
#narcissistic abuse
Text
"Narcissists expect you to sacrifice your personal life in order to serve them."
That's not narcissists. That's capitalists.
And they don't even try to hide it. They say it openly. They openly declare that it's "good work ethic" for workers to prioritize work over anything else, to always be productive no matter what personal struggles they have, and to never take days off.
They normalize an economic system that praises selfishness then demonize mentally ill people for being selfish.
123 notes · View notes
Text
what also gets me about people being so adamant about using the word "narcissist" or some form of it to describe shitty people is...there are other words. I was just watching a drew gooden video and he said "If you knowingly take part in something that has the potential to put other people in harm's way and you still do it cause it's kind of fun for you, you are selfish and you suck." (It's the gender reveal party.)
Just seeing how many commentary YouTubers, especially more leftist ones that talk about the heavier side of things like misogynists and seeing them use the term narcissistic or delusional is just. We HAVE other words we can use! We HAVE USED other words for years before narcissistic became a big trend to say and narcissistic abuse really ramped up as a pop psychology trend.
It is literally SO easy to use other words. You can Google similar words. Selfish, self centered, self righteous, egotistical, arrogant, entitled. One of the best words I find is probably entitled. Because a lot of bigots and misogynists and shit that usually get delusional and narcissistic thrown at them are really more self centered, arrogant, and entitled. Self interested, self obsessed. Especially since for abusers, misogynists, other shitty people, the entitled comes from the fact it is NORMALIZED!!!!! It is not a bunch of narcissists harming people, it is a society, a world, that has normalized this behaviour. They are entitled, they are abusive, they are selfish, they are cruel. There are so many OTHER WORDS to describe your abuse, to describe shitty people. Just call them abusers or bigots for fucks sake. And even if some delusional people may get roped into it cause they're vulnerable, typically it is a lot of people who are INTENTIONALLY doing it. It is normalized, it is allowed!
All we narcissists ask is that you not use a word that demonizes us. "There's a difference" yet other people say there isn't, other people say NPD isn't even fucking real, other people say pwNPD ARE abusive. If we used any kind of other word for the more "talked about" disorders, there would be a problem. We ask that you change it, we ask that you use other words, we ask that you not further add to the stigma. The same stigma that BPD deals with, that autistic people deal with, that any neurodivergent person deals with. The stigma and demonization is something ALL neurodivergencies have fucking faced!!! It may have moved away from demonization for a lot of disorders, but there ARE people that DO still believe it.
We fucking ask you literally use any other word. And you refuse to. You refuse to listen to us. You refuse to believe us when we tell you the harm it has and how it actually prevents us from finding resources. You say "of course a narcissist would want that." You see it as an attack on you and your trauma. You are throwing trauma victims at risk of abuse under the bus because you want to feel vindicated in your own trauma. You completely ignore any critical thinking of what we say to turn it against us, to ignore us, to bring up your own trauma as a defense point. Yes, you were abused by someone and it is terrible that happened. So were we!!! My abusive mom probably has NPD, but it did not affect the abuse I faced, it only add strains in our relationship outside of the abuse that still affect us to this day.
It is SO easy to find another word, to literally just listen to us, to not throw us under the same fucking bus. To not group us in with abusers and rapists and child sex offenders and murderers. Would you fucking like to be compared to your abuser? Pretty sure you fucking wouldn't. So why is it okay to do to us?
Some people will never listen. No matter what I say, it does not matter. As with any kind of thinking along these lines. But for those that are still reachable, please. Listen to us. And what would you even do if you found yourself having NPD traits? Wouldn't it be terrifying to see that in yourself? Because I sure as hell thought it was. It made me hate myself and further believe that I could NEVER do any wrong because I wasn't like my narcissistic abusers and worsened my relationship difficulties. A fair bit of narcissists on here had also fallen into that same hole. It doesn't heal you. It keeps you angry, scared, upset. It makes you want to hurt them back. And that will not heal you. It'll keep you defensive. It's keeping you in a victim mentality and preventing healing.
To the ones that ARE reachable, I hope you can learn something from my posts, from posts I reblog, or from any other posts. It starts with narcissists and "psychopaths" (antisocials), but it is the same place the stigma of every neurodivergency and mental disorder stems from. It's why other disorders may still get demonization from some ableists. That a lot of autistic experiences were based around how it affected OTHER PEOPLE like "think of their mom having that autistic kid :(" it is not anything new. It is the same ableism and stigma. It is less demonized for other disorders now, focusing more on treating it as no big deal, ignoring the actual difficult symptoms of such disorders (like if you have poor hygiene, people will judge you regardless), or even infantilization. There IS still stigma, but the stigma was once the same as us, demonization. It comes from the same place. It's things said about other disorders still today even if it is rarer. It's just more well known for the "scary" personality and psychotic disorders since there is a big push to destigmatize things like depression, anxiety, OCD, autism.
Do not throw us under the bus. It will do nothing. It is the same fucking stigma, the same fucking arguments. Like gay people throwing trans people under the bus, they're called the same things even if it seems like they aren't. It comes from the same bigotry, the same place of hatred.
It is not new, it is not different, it just is more common for personality disorders, psychotic disorders, and schizospec disorders. So when we bring up these things, mention how using the term directly associated with a disorder in the DSM V and how it prevents us getting help, how using the term narcissistic DOES correlate to NPD, please fucking listen.
Cause nothing will ultimately benefit you for continuing down that rabbit hole. Narcissistic abuse believers don't help victims of abuse, those articles and questions don't help you heal. It keeps you angry how anyone could do that, it takes advantage of your vulnerability and desire to find meaning and logic out of it. The reality is, you may never know why or at least not until you are away from the abuse.
We are trauma victims as well. We are still at risk of abuse because of our disorder. I would genuinely stay with an abuser just for the sake of narc supply regardless of how they hurt me if I did not have a good support system. For our "toxic" traits, we cannot work on them without help and the idea of narcissistic abuse pushes stigma further which prevents us from even finding free online resources, let alone if we actually tried to seek any fucking help.
Narcissistic abuse is not real and it will never be. Please fucking include us in "mental health matters" and the push for destigmatizing disorders. We are fucking humans that need help. And even if we were all toxic and selfish hypothetically, removing the ability to find resources or get help is NOT the way to go.
Even when I believed in narcissistic abuse, I would search to find answers on why I aligned with NPD if I wasn't an abuser or a bad person. I was terrified to even suspect it despite how much attention and love and supply I needed and how that applied to the very essence of my being. Even when I examined my own actions, all I found was treating it as if they're the utter worst of humanity. Even with my toxic and unhealthy acts because I was a fucking traumatized teen with no experience for relationships of any kind especially not healthy ones, I could not find answers or help. And all that did was reassure me that I WAS the good person, that I was JUSTIFIED in my toxic desires because I was traumatized. It did not help me with my emotional regulation, it worsened it.
Even if narcissists WERE all abusers or toxic and bad, they deserve fucking help and a chance to be able to see their actions in a better light. Some people may never change, but plenty will if given resources and actual professional help. The idea of narcissistic abuse refuses that and just demonizes it and NOBODY wants to be demonized, NOBODY wants to believe they're a bad person. The term narcissistic abuse and the environment and community surrounding it is toxic. It always will be. That is inherently what it is about. It kept me terrified that someone might call me an abusive narcissist because of my emotional difficulties, that someone would take me out of context and turn me into a monster like my family had done my entire fucking life. It keeps you defensive, it keeps you scared, it keeps you mistrustful, it keeps you in those trauma responses. It does not fucking help victims find peace of mind or heal. It keeps you triggered.
Also NPD isn't just a single disorder on its own. It's comorbid or the person could be ND in other ways. BPD + NPD, it has some genetic factors so a narcissistic parent may increase likelihood you have it, there are DID systems with it. You are not just throwing people with purely ONLY NPD under the bus, but whoever else may have it that may also fall under many other categories. I'm autistic and have NPD, I'm a system with NPD, I'm schizospec and psychotic with NPD. I have ADHD and NPD. They may not be directly related and comorbid, but I do still fall under these other categories. So autistics throwing people with NPD under the bus does nothing for the narcissists that are also fucking autistic. So by throwing narcissists under the bus, you are throwing a LOT of people with that disorder that also have other forms of neurodivergency under the bus as well. And the stigma all comes from the same place anyway.
81 notes · View notes
theconcealedweapon · 2 days
Note
Why do you not believe in narcissistic abuse? Or what’s your stance on that?
Because there's no pattern of abuse that's exclusive to narcissists. Everything that gets labeled as "narcissistic abuse" is a pattern that people with enough power and privilege have on a regular basis. Calling it "narcissistic abuse" scapegoats mentally ill people while giving mentally sane people with the same patterns a free pass.
45 notes · View notes
Loving myself, my child self, my past self who was in abusive relationships, shows me that even while I was being abused I was lovable. That the words they said weren't true. Your healing and self love is very offensive to your abusers, obviously .. it highlights them as the "problem".. it unravels their false narratives... it threatens their fragile delusion. It takes away their power. The more you heal the more you'll wonder how you ever found them attractive. The more you listen to yourself and speak up for yourself, you'll wonder how you survived so long being silenced. You get to a point where you just can't be silenced anymore. You can't be tortured anymore, you love yourself too much.
21 notes · View notes
sin-esthezia · 6 months
Text
the thing that gets me the most about ableism against pd’s is that ppl will be like “these disorders make you an ASSHOLE!!!!” and then turn around and pretend that other disorders can’t and don’t make you act shitty.
depression and anxiety can make you irritable and snappy. they can cause you to refuse to listen to people and to be distant and withdrawn. they can cause you to seem angry, bitchy, rude, uncaring, etc.
ptsd causes an array of difficulties in forming meaningful relationships. it pretty much shakes up your entire worldview and sense of self a lot of the time. ptsd can cause you to get angry often. it can cause you to yell and scream. it can cause you to withdraw from others, run away, or cut them out. it can cause general changes in demeanor and more cynical worldviews. it can make you seem grouchy, negative, explosive, impolite, difficult, needy, controlling, etc.
and yet when people with personality disorders have symptoms of that nature, suddenly we are irredeemable monsters. when it’s npd, bpd, hpd, or aspd instead of ptsd or depression and anxiety, people suddenly and magically lose the ability to be understanding.
mental illness is an explanation, not an excuse. i firmly believe that. hurting others is never justified simply because you have any disorder.
but if you can be patient with people who have depression, anxiety, ptsd, ocd, or any other more well understood mental illness, you can be patient with us.
7K notes · View notes
witchyykitten · 1 year
Text
everyone talks about cutting off a toxic parent
but no one ever talks about the pain of wanting a parent but knowing yours cannot love you the way they should
7K notes · View notes
mirroringshards · 6 months
Text
you have any fucking word in the dictionary to describe your abuse. please stop using the one that describes a personality disorder
2K notes · View notes
nothing0fnothing · 7 months
Text
Tumblr media
being like this and living with someone who doesn't understand is so hard.
2K notes · View notes
lostmf · 7 months
Text
Tumblr media
3K notes · View notes
Text
Reminder for people with Personality Disorders:
You can be in therapy for years to be able to cope.
You can mask the difficulties you have.
You can cope well with your disorders.
You can function in daily life.
But the day you have a bad day, the day you're so overwhelmed that the mask slips and you simply say one thing, the neurotypicals will use it against you and use it to abuse you.
Abuse is a choice. Abusers make the choice to abuse someone. Not every abuser has a personality disorder. There are plenty of abusers that are Neurotypical. Plenty of neurotypicals will abuse those with PDs due to the stigma and misinformation around them.
Quit using terms like "Narcissistic/Histrionic/Borderline/Anti-Social Abuse"
Quit using "Narcissist" and "Anti-Social" as insults.
Quit justifying abuse towards people with PDs.
Quit armchair diagnosing abusers and assholes with Personality Disorders when you don't know the lived experience of people with them.
Stop fucking appealing to Neurotypicals.
1K notes · View notes
tklshtxler · 8 months
Text
Tumblr media
2K notes · View notes
Text
Parents: "I demand that my children obey me without question. I hit them if they don't. I believe that all problems in the world are caused by children not being hit enough. I yell at my children and consider it disrespect if they yell back. I control my children's interests and career choices. If my children are disabled or LGBT, I demand that they act normal in order to protect my image."
Landlords: "I intentionally put myself in a position where people must benefit me in order to have access to life's necessities. I use people for my own personal gain and discard them like garbage if they stop being useful to me."
CEOs: "I demand that people prioritize my personal gain over anything else. I demand that people care about me while I openly refuse to care about them. I do everything I can to stop people from unionizing so I can maintain power over them."
Police: "I demand that people obey me at all times. I believe that it's my right to kill people if they don't obey me. I terrorize anyone who I can get away with terrorizing then act like the victim when people say that they don't like me. I'm violent on a regular basis while expecting protesters to always be peaceful."
White, Christian, Cis-Het, Neurotypical Men: "I intentionally twist what oppressed people say on a regular basis. I assume that they want power when it's very clear that they want equality. I go out of my way to start arguments with them in order to overwhelm them so they eventually say something wrong that I can use against them."
Conservatives: "I openly brag about how unfair the world is and anyone who doesn't like it is a crybaby special snowflake. Fuck your feelings."
Narcissists: "I was abused and had to be selfish in order to survive it."
Society: "ZOMG NARCISSISTS ARE EVIL! NARCISSISTS ARE SELFISH AND HAVE NO COMPASSION FOR OTHERS!"
75 notes · View notes
hippyfem · 6 months
Text
I can't put into words how terrifying this new MRA rhetoric is that "rape is not really that bad" "it only lasts for a few minutes" which they will then use to justify less punishment for rapists, less help for women, as if rapists even get any punishment currently! And women who are raped are already told to move on or are ignored, or even accused I being an antagonist. They are always coming up with a new thing to silence us and they won't stop no matter how many women will say how traumatising it was for them they will just selectively pick the information that suits their agenda.
And their agenda is to rape women.
There is no point trying to explain to them how horrible it was for you because they are well aware. This is weaponised ignorance when men pretend they dont understand that their actions hurt women to get away with it. The only thing we can do is highlight that this is clearly a tactic in their war on women.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
1K notes · View notes
narcitism · 21 days
Text
reblog to kiss a narcissist on the mouth (with passion)
416 notes · View notes
dailydiarynquotes · 4 months
Text
Tumblr media
661 notes · View notes
dollotron · 5 months
Text
the empath phenomena that's emerged in the past 5-10 years on the internet is borderlining on cult mentality. The term empath was originally coined in J.T. McIntosh's science fiction novel "The empath" which came out in 1956. It's about telepaths.
it very often feels like people online use faux psychology about empaths to honeytrap people. Once they've gotten people's attention they'll start talking about "narcissistic abuse", "the evil narcissist", and how people with low/no empathy are dangerous or inferior to "empaths".
It's easy to recruit people into belief structures that "benefit" them. especially if you're pandering to and preying on victims of abuse that want to feel seen and heard. The recruitees will then spread the word because they've been indoctrinated into the belief structure. This is what cults do.
This isn't a dig at people with hyper empathy. Use critical thinking when surfing the internet.
You are not superior for having more empathy than another person. Actions speak louder than words, and just because someone doesn't experience empathy doesn't mean their actions are 'bad'.
599 notes · View notes