#nat’s decision not to save javi

[thunderon]

“I’m not brave any more, darling. I’m all broken. They’ve broken me.” - A Farewell to Arms

[roosterforme]

Always Ever Only You Part 13 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: When Nat and Bob are in imminent danger, Bradley is beyond furious about the decisions that have been made. It should have been him up there flying with them. As you count down the minutes until Bradley returns home, the rush of nerves feels more like anxiety than anticipation, and that does not feel good.

Warnings: Angst, swearing, fluff

Length: 5100 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots and other series, but it can be read on its own! Check my masterlist for the reading order. Always Ever Only You masterlist. Gorgeous banner by @mak-32

Now that you were just a few days out from Bradley's return home, you were starting to feel antsy and anxious. This wasn't the way you usually felt. It used to be a rush of energy thrumming through your body, knowing he'd be back soon to hold you all night, make love to you, and fill the little pieces of your life that were lost without him. But now you just felt unsure.

When you really thought about it, you knew you and he had been missing the intimacy in your relationship for a little while, too focused on other things. The sex was still enjoyable... well, except for the last time when you felt sick with obligation. And he still held you all night. But some of the pieces of your life together felt like they had gotten lost, and you desperately wanted to find them. Because feeling nervous about reaching those previously known levels of happiness and intimacy when Bradley got back was not something you were prepared for.

So you talked to Dr. Genevieve again, and in her cool and collected voice, she said, "If something is broken, you either take the time to fix it, or you abandon it. And when it's a relationship, you don't have the luxury of making that decision alone. Do you want to fix it or abandon it?"

"I want to fix it," you replied easily. 

"And what did your husband say when you spoke to him?"

Your heart thudded in your chest as you replayed the facetime conversations in your mind and whispered, "He wants to fix it, too." 

She nodded. "Then you'll both take the time to do that."

Afterwards, you felt like hiding in your office, because what did that even mean? You knew what you wanted, but you didn't know how to get it. And you tried your best not to focus on your cycle and wanting to get pregnant, but it would have been impossible to forget about it completely. Where was the balance? You were simultaneously antsy for Bradley to get home so you could see if putting in the time to fix things was worth it and also scared that it wouldn't be.

Instead of hiding in your office, you made your way down to get a burrito bowl for lunch. "Is this seat taken?" you asked Jake, kicking the leg of his chair with your boot and nodding toward the empty seat across from him at the small table. 

"Angel," he said, meeting your smile with a look of panic. "You know I love you, right? But I saved it for Cat. Unless she decides to bail."

"Oh," you gasped, a little surprised by that. When you, Javy and Jake had gone out for pizza two nights ago, Jake claimed he was going to let Cat decide if she wanted to try to be friends with him, but you knew he was hoping for more. He sat on your couch with Jeremiah until Hondo showed up, and Jake didn't back down against the glare from Cat's Uncle. "Guess she's into the idea of hanging out? That's good?"

He kind of shrugged. "Listen, all I want to do is make out with her and hold her kid, but don't tell her that, alright? Oh, there she is."

"She didn't bail," you murmured, watching Cat make her way toward you. When she saw the small table with only two chairs, her steps slowed.

"Go," Jake growled, planting his palm against your lower back and shoving you out of the way. "I'll call you after work."

"Jeez," you groaned, glaring at him and heading toward Cam instead.

"Hey, stranger," Cam said as you sat down across from him, and soon Maria joined the two of you. Eating with them was familiar and comfortable, and you didn't have to think about it too much.

When they asked if you wanted to do brunch on Sunday, you smiled and shook your head. "No way. Bradley's coming home on Friday."

Cam smirked and said, "Oof. Lieutenant Commander Mustache returns home to his little wifey after his long, hard deployment. Sounds like a Lifetime movie."

"I don't know," Maria added. "You said long and hard. Kinda sounds like a porno."

You sat with your forehead on your tray as you shook with silent laughter. "Maybe it'll be a bit of both?"

Cam stole a bite of your burrito bowl as he said, "Report back."

-----------------------

Bradley had been chosen as the spare. When Dean told him after he had dismissed everyone else, Bradley knew it was simply to add insult to injury. But he took it on the chin, saluted the admiral, and returned to his bunk.

If Bradley said more than two words to anyone the following day, that was news to him. Nat and Bob gave him a wide berth as they got themselves prepared for the mission, and he appreciated that. He wasn't jealous of them, and he'd been quick to tell them that. And he knew they understood. This was a feeling that came along with the territory, he supposed. But this would mark the first mission he didn't qualify for, and he just needed to take a breather. 

Getting home to you was now his priority, his focus. If he could only be successful in the air or on the ground right now, he was going to choose the ground in San Diego with you. But that didn't stop him from worrying about Bob and Nat flying with Slayer. 

Bradley collapsed back onto his bed with his notebook. He decided to read what he wrote. He hadn't done that yet, favoring scribbling more thoughts and sentiments down every time he picked it up. But reading it from the beginning calmed him down, and just the thought of you made him finally able to fall asleep. 

Bright and early the next morning, he and Bob were both dressing in their flight suits. They walked to breakfast together and ate with Nat. Then the three of them made their way out onto the tarmac. But instead of being part of the main bustle of action, Bradley saluted his friends and stood next to his aircraft with his helmet on. 

The weather looked good, and the comanche was reporting back that everything looked clear. But just before the four aircrafts were due to take off, Admiral Dean made a surprising announcement over the comms. 

"Initiate the backup plan! Option B! Strike the military base first and then head back around to the communications tower. Follow the flight plan for Option B. Please respond that you understand in order."

Bradley climbed the ladder into his F/A-18 as he listened to Nat respond, saying that she copied Dean's orders. This was not a good sign that the plan was changing on the fly. There were probably loads of enemy aircrafts already airborne if such a drastic decision was being made, and Bradley automatically switched to the updated flightpath in his mind, even though he wouldn't be flying it. But being able to envision what was going on might help keep him calm. 

He got himself strapped in and ran his thumb along his silicone wedding band before sliding his hands into his gloves. And then he waited. He watched intently and listened over the comms, and when it was his turn, he said, "Rooster. Spare. Standing by."

The carrier was outrageously far out in the ocean right now. Nearly five hundred miles away from the coastline. And as he watched Nat and Bob launch from the deck, he kept his eyes on them as they faded into the late morning sunlight. It would be about thirty minutes until they were flying over land, and another five minutes more until they reached the military base. 

So he would have to sit here and wait for nearly an hour and a goddamn half while worrying about his friends and having an existential crisis about his career before they all returned and he could get changed out of his flight suit. 

"Unbelievable," he muttered to himself as he listened to the others over the comms. Slayer had been named team leader, and right now he was trying to boss Nat around. She wasn't having it though, and Bradley smiled as he listened in. 

But a few minutes later, he heard the radar tech from the comanche give a heads up that there were some enemy aircraft nearby. And then Slayer said, "Everyone else stay on course, I'll switch to tack northwest and hit the communications tower first."

Bradley lurched fully upright in his cockpit. He must have heard incorrectly. No way Slayer would deviate from the plans like that. But Bradley could hear Nat's panicked voice saying, "You won't have our laser guide! And we won't have your missiles! Stay on course, Slayer!"

"I'm the leader, Phoenix. You stay on course. I'll loop back around. It will be fine."

There was so much commotion all of a sudden, Bradley could only hear a jumble of voices inside his helmet. He did some quick math, visualizing the terrain maps he'd had memorized for nearly two months. Five hundred miles out. Five hundred back. They weren't flying at maximum speed, but they were still burning fuel fast, hauling almost two dozen missiles. There was absolutely no way Slayer would make it back to the carrier if he tried to switch course now and rendezvous with the others at the military base. He'd run out of fuel halfway back to the aircraft carrier. 

"Stay on course!" Admiral Dean demanded loudly. "Everyone stay on course!"

But Slayer was already gone. And now the comanche radar tech was reporting four more enemy fighters in the vicinity of the military base. Bradley pounded his fist on the side of his seat. Nat and Bob were completely fucking screwed. And so were Charmer, Mack and Terror. Unless all six aviators were working in unison, this was going to result in a tragedy. 

"Come on, come on," Bradley chanted under his breath, his fingers already twitching along his control panels. He thought about his friends whose handful of missiles would only get them so far before they were dead without cover. And he thought about you, but then again you were never far from his mind. His perfect wife. The main reason he did anything.

Finally his thoughts settled on the fact that he'd left his wedding band at home with you, and he felt calm knowing that you'd always wear it on your chain. 

"Send the spare." His Super Hornet was being towed to the catapult.

-------------------------------

It was a weird, stormy evening. There were clouds rolling in from the ocean, and although you could see a lot of lightning and hear thunder, it hadn't started raining yet. So you put on Bradley's sweatshirt and clipped Tramp's leash onto his collar, running your fingers along the tags your husband had gotten engraved for him. 

"Yeah, you're spoiled," you told the dog as you pocketed some treats for him. Then the two of you ventured outside and along the blocks that would take you to the beach. The wind was blowing harder down here, whipping the sand and dune grass around. But the beach was completely deserted, and the storm looked intoxicating. 

As you walked along the water's edge, your flip flops and sweatpants got soaked. Tramp kept pausing to look out into the ocean, and you said, "Daddy's out there. Somewhere." You weren't sure exactly when the mission was being flown. It could have already been completed. You had enough clearance at work to be able to find out for sure, but if Bradley caught wind of that kind of behavior, he would have a fit. You knew he didn't want you worrying about him. 

Tramp whimpered and started barking, and then the clouds rolled in faster. A loud crack of thunder had you running back up the beach with Tramp right next to you. By the time you ran up past the dunes, the sky opened up. You turned back to look at the ocean one last time before hard raindrops started pelting your exposed skin. It was almost painful, and it was hard to keep your eyes open as you made your way back to the pretty craftsman. 

You stood on the covered porch, looking down at your sandy, drenched dog and laughing. "Come here," you said before scooping him up and carrying him right into the bathroom, leaving a sandy trail along the way. 

If Bradley were here, he would take Tramp off your hands and clean him up as you soaked in the tub yourself. But for now, you'd do everything. He'd be back soon. You would take the time to fix things soon.

--------------------------

Once Bradley was in the air, the clock was ticking down the minutes until he could see land and locate the others. He'd been given permission to hit mach 1.8. Actually, he'd been given permission to do whatever was necessary. "Spare inbound. Land sighted," he said, easing back on the throttle a bit as he banked along the mountain range and dipped past the river that would lead him to the recently destroyed military base. 

Slayer had managed to destroy the communications tower as part of the solo mission he decided to go on, but at what cost? He got so far off course from the others, and backtracking would have eaten so much fuel. Bradley listened as he was called back to the carrier where he would be safe while everyone else was now in danger. 

Bradley was getting closer now as he listened to what was going on and tried to visualize it.

"Tally, tally! On your nose, Phoenix!"

"Deploying flares!"

"Incoming at twelve o'clock!"

"I can't shake them, Charmer!"

"I'm out of missiles and flares! Switching to guns!"

"We took a hit!"

He would know Nat's voice anywhere, but hearing her say that she and Bob had been hit had Bradley flying way faster than he should have been this close to the river embankment. But one more cut through the mountains, and the aircrafts were in sight. And it was the worst kind of dog fight. 

The air was a mess of flares as Bradley immediately spotted missiles being launched at Charmer. And he knew Charmer said he was out of defensive aids. 

"Tally, tally!" Bradley called out. "Bandit on your nose, Terror!" Then he laid down a cover of flares for Charmer as the other pilot eliminated one enemy with his guns. "Phoenix! Bob! How bad is it?" Bradley asked, deftly launching a missile and watching it collide with the wing of the jet that was headed for Terror. The enemy pilot ejected, but there was no point in pursuit. Not on a rescue mission. 

"We're leaking fuel," Bob shouted, and Bradley could actually hear all of the alarms going off in their Super Hornet through the comms. "Rapidly." Then Phoenix dodged past Charmer and shot down another enemy jet. "And we're out of ammo," Bob added.

"Head back, I'll lay down cover for you," Bradley told them. "Go!" There were still two Bandits, but his friends would never make it back anywhere near the carrier if they delayed leaving. He could smell the jet fuel as it permeated the air around him, and he just knew what a hazard that was. He prayed nothing would cause an explosion at this point.

"Out of ammo now," Charmer reported, and now Bradley was starting to panic. But then he saw the opening they needed. 

"Terror! Follow my lead!" The remaining Bandits saw how vulnerable Nat and Bob were and started to pursue them, so Bradley circled back to get their attention on him.

"I'm almost out of ammo!" Terror responded, getting into position. 

"Then don't miss." Bradley fired his last missile at the first one and then joined Terror and Mack in shooting down the other one. 

"That's splash six!" Charmer announced. 

"Is that everyone?" Terror asked. 

"Affirmative. That's everyone," Mack confirmed. 

"I want everyone back on this carrier, now!" Dean nearly shouted through the comms, and Bradley rolled his eyes. "Phoenix, land first, if you can even get here!"

Then thankfully he eventually heard Nat say, "We're limping in slowly now. It's gonna be close."

What a fucking nightmare this had turned out to be. As Bradley flew cleanup, since he was the only one with bullets and flares left, he kept his head on a swivel. "Comanche? Incoming?"

"Negative. Picture looks clean."

"And an ETA for Phoenix and Bob?" he asked as he followed Charmer and Terror out over the water.

"Seven minutes."

Bradley swore he didn't breathe and barely moved as he flew further away from the coastline. He didn't dare think about anything except the passing clouds overhead and the sound of his own heart beating. He didn't utter another word until he heard Nat say, "Coming in hot! Banking toward the tower. Full engine failure, no fuel to the feedline. Tailhook extended and hoping for the best."

"Come on, Nat." Bradley still couldn't see anything up ahead, but when the tower announced that Phoenix and Bob were safely on deck, he finally let out the breath he had been holding.

When he was able to circle the carrier and see it for himself, Bradley loosened his death grip on the throttle. And when he landed cleanly, that signaled that everyone was back on deck. The crews came to help him unload, and as soon as his boots left the last rung on the ladder, Nat was tossing her helmet aside and reaching for him.

"Thank you," she whispered against his shoulder. 

Years of trust and friendship had him clinging to her. "It should have been me up there with you two the whole time."

"I know. That was so fucked, Rooster."

And then Bob was there as well, looking more flustered than Bradley had seen him all deployment long. But then Bradley pushed past both of them and tossed his own helmet, shouting "What the hell, Slayer!"

But Slayer barely acknowledged him as he walked toward the tower looking like he was headed for the gallows. Bradley stood there, drenched in sweat and reeking of jet fuel, and watched the other aviator as a red faced Admiral Dean appeared on deck and started yelling. It didn't matter. It didn't matter that Slayer fucked everything up or that Bradley saved the day. The only thing that counted now was getting home to you.

-----------------------------

Friday morning seemed to stretch on for an eternity. You didn't have a specific time to expect Bradley to unload from the carrier, so you decided to go to work until you heard from him. When Bickel called you in for a progress meeting on all of the lab projects, you hauled a stack of folders in with you. And that's when you fully realized that over several years of working with him, he had made you his number two. He always wanted your opinion the most.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as you set everything down on his desk and took a seat. He met your eyes, and he was expecting an honest answer, but you knew he wouldn't give you a hard time. 

"Better. Bradley is coming home today," you told him. "Thanks again." But he just waved you off like it was no big deal and opened up the top folder on the stack. 

Later when you went down to eat lunch, you got cornered by Jake. "Come sit with me."

You just smirked as you grabbed a fistful of tiny packets of hot sauce. "Don't you want to sit with Cat?"

"No, I want to sit with you. Rooster comes back today, and I'll never see you again," he replied. "I know you're struggling, but the two of you will be disgusting again soon."

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You were nervous. It had been building up all week. Part of you just wanted to get this over with and work things out, and part of you wanted to bask in Bradley's words as he told you how much he missed and loved you. If he told you those things. 

"I miss being disgusting," you told Jake as you followed him to a table. "But I still want to have a baby." You felt tears in your eyes as you sat down, and Jake met your gaze. "I'm anxious that Bradley is going to talk about my cycle and want to know when I'm ovulating. It's bad enough that I know I'm ovulating right now, you know? I don't want him thinking about it, too. And, fuck, I'm sorry Jake."

"Hey, no," he said, reaching across the table and squeezing your hand. "I love that you want to talk to me about stuff. But just dump your hot sauce all over your lunch and take a deep breath. Let Bradley get home and prove to you that he wants to fix things as much as you do. Give him a chance, Angel."

But your nerves carried through lunch. And now you were scared that your husband wouldn't greet you the way he always did. You were afraid that you were just a fragile, broken thing in his eyes, and there would be some sort of undertone of rejection even though the two of you said you were on the same page over facetime. 

As you walked back to your office, your phone vibrated with a text, and you already knew it was him without even looking. Your heart started pounding, knowing what you needed but unsure if you were going to get it. 

Bradley Rooster Bradshaw <3 <3 <3: I have phone reception! I can see the dock! I should be off this thing around four or five. Think you can skip out of work a little early and meet me? I missed you so much.

No turning back now. A smile actually broke out on your face. There would be no time to run home and change, but it didn't matter. You had missed him, too. 

I'll be there. Of course I'll be there.

When you mentioned to Bickel that you were going to leave two hours early, he told you to have a nice weekend. And when Cat saw you packing up your computer at 3:30, she walked over and gave you a little hug. 

"Don't be nervous."

You tried to act cool. "I'm not."

"I can tell you are. Just enjoy your weekend with your husband. I'll stay late if need be and finish the coding."

"Thanks," you muttered. You and she never explicitly talked about the fact that you were jealous that she had tiny Jeremiah in her life, but you knew she knew. And you were okay with that. 

As you jogged out to the Bronco in the parking garage, you found you were only thinking about one thing: how good it felt every time Bradley wrapped his strong arms around you and held you against his warm body. 

"Shit," you gasped, fumbling the key in the ignition. You needed that. That was it. "Fuck." You could barely start the engine, but when you finally did, you pulled quickly out of the parking space and headed the half mile or so around base toward the military docks. When you drove through the gates and parked again, you could see khaki uniforms pouring down the ramps and onto the dock.

"Oh no." You were out of the Bronco and running, scrambling for your phone. But as you got closer to the ramp, you spotted Bradley. He was so easy to pick out of a crowd. Tall and broad and impossibly handsome with his duffle bag slung over his shoulder. His head was on a swivel, probably wondering if you were here yet. 

And then you froze up. Every feeling hit you all at once as he stepped down onto the dock, boots back on California soil for the first time in almost two months. He looked to his left and then to his right, searching for you, and you could tell he was about to reach for his phone as his hand dipped down toward his pocket. But then he saw you. And that was when you realized that he had the same look of apprehension on his face that you must have had on yours. 

It was so noisy, and there were hundreds of people on all sides of you, but you could see him mouth, "Baby Girl," before his lips formed into a smile that had your feet rushing forward. Bradley was actually shoving people out of his way now which had you laughing. And when you realized you weren't so nervous anymore, tears started to fill your eyes. 

"Baby Girl!" he called out, and a second later, you were in those strong, sure arms that you loved so much. 

"Bradley." But the sound of his name was muffled as he kissed you, holding you so close to him that only your toes touched the ground as you wrapped your arms around his neck. You smiled against him as he shook his bag free and let it drop to the ground next to him, but he didn't break the kiss. 

Every voice around you and the warm sunshine melted into a dreamlike quality. You wanted to stay here in his arms where you finally felt comfortable. There was a lot to say, and you'd get to it eventually, but the feel of his big hands and his mustache were so familiar that you felt more confident again. 

When he finally broke the kiss, Bradley pressed his forehead to yours and kept one big hand at the back of your neck, stroking your skin softly as you shuddered in his arms. "I love you," he promised, voice full of desperation like he was begging you to listen. "I just needed to be with you."

You closed your eyes against your tears and whispered, "I love you, Roo." 

Then his rough fingers were moving slowly along the back of your neck, his other hand coming up to work at the clasp of your necklace. You smiled when you realized what he was doing. Bradley removed your necklace but kept his body pressed against yours and he carefully palmed your gold charms. 

"Been dying to put this back on since I took it off." He kissed your cheek and then slid his wedding band along the chain before carefully clasping your necklace in place again. Then he quickly removed the silicone ring and pocketed it before slipping his gold band into place. "It just didn't feel right. It's not the one we got married with."

And then his arms were wrapped around your waist, and you let your cheek come to rest on his chest. You didn't want to be the first one to say it, but you thought one of you should. About how much you wanted to fix things. About making things work. "Bradley."

But you shouldn't have been worried. He kissed the top of your head, his grip on you unrelenting as so many of the other officers and crew members around you were starting to clear out. "I promise you that you're everything I want. And I'll make sure you know it."

So you nodded and melted into his touch. And it was quite a while later before you moved, but you could hear Bradley's stomach growling which made you smile. "I have some Marry Me Rooster in our fridge that just needs to be reheated." 

He peppered your face with kisses until you were laughing. "Let's go home," he whispered. "Wanna see Tramp and snuggle you on my lap while we eat."

After Bradley had you safely buckled in the passenger seat, he started the engine, and you could tell he missed his Bronco too. He held your hand on the short drive home, and you filled him in on a few things. When he parked in the driveway and helped you out, you asked, "How was your deployment? I didn't even get to see Bob and Nat."

He kissed you softly as you unlocked the front door. "I'll tell you later. It's not as important as this. As being with you."

Your heart swelled as Tramp tried to jump up into Bradley's arms. "Missed you, too," Bradley told him, kneeling and scratching him behind his ears while the dog kicked his other hand. "Were you a good boy?"

"Of course he was. The best." You squeaked as Bradley scooped you up for a piggy back ride as he stood, and he carried you to the laundry room with Tramp jumping around behind you. "What are you doing?" you asked, kissing Bradley's ear as you held onto his shoulders.

"Just want to get out of my uniform before we eat." 

When he set you down and turned, you carefully unbuttoned his shirt and started working on his pins. His hands settled on your waist, stroking you through the fabric of your own khaki uniform shirt. And his eyes were soft. And he wasn't in a rush, except maybe to get dinner. And he wasn't asking about your cycle. And he didn't seem interested in doing anything at this moment except working on your pins and lining them up in the tray near the sink along with his. 

"I missed doing this," you whispered, and then his lips found yours again. And it was a few minutes before Bradley let go of you long enough for both of you to finish getting undressed and put your uniforms into the washing machine. 

"Let me put on some sweatpants, and I'll help you reheat dinner," he said, hoisting you up for another piggy back ride that had you laughing. 

"Sounds good, Roo."

He bent to pick up his duffle on the way to the bedroom, and you helped him empty and sort everything onto your bed. When you dipped your hand inside the bag, you pulled out some neatly folded undershirts and a beat up notebook. You flipped open to the first page while Bradley sat on the floor to play with Tramp. 

Baby Girl, when I think about you, I think about the rest of my life spread out in front of me. And it's not exactly like a map, because I don't know where we are going or where we will end up. But I feel safe when I'm with you. Even though so much is unknown.

You carefully closed the notebook and pressed your lips together, unsure if you were supposed to read that. "Roo?" you asked quietly, and Bradley looked up at you as you showed him the notebook. "What is this?"

----------------------------

He's home! Finally! And Slayer is hopefully completely screwed. Thanks @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 14

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[bisexualnatalies]

thinking about the conclusion of teen lottie and nat's arc this season. the skeptic and the martyr, the hunter and the prophet, the girl and the god. they're supposed to be at odds with each other, it's obvious. how could they ever be expected to find common ground? except .... nat's the only one that sees lottie's humanity (the girl inside the god) and lottie's the only one that sees nat's capability (the hunter that's keeping them alive). they both see exactly what they keep begging everyone around them to see in each other.

thinking about how lottie knows that nat needs a purpose to get through letting javi die for her own survival, so she gives her one. nat, despite not believing in the wilderness, despite never believing in the wilderness, despite knowing clearer than ever that the wilderness isn't going to save them, accepting that position. i think there's a part of nat that accepts that role knowing she's taking the burden from lottie, even though she undeniably takes it for herself too. she's good at staying calm, facing danger head on, making quick decisions. that's what makes her such a good hunter. thinking a lot about how lottie knew she had to give the crown up because the girls trust her, they rely on her. they'll respect her decision. thinking about lottie giving nat the crown because while she almost froze to death in the woods, nat found a deer.

thinking about nat taking the crown so lottie can be a girl again and lottie giving nat the crown so she can become a figure. being a figure nearly got lottie killed by one of her friends and being a girl who was hunted by her friends less than 24 hours ago might just kill nat. they take what they need, no judgement.

just !!!!! THINKING

[wistfulwatcher]

I agree 100% with the tags on your gifset of Misty looking to Nat for approval. I think we start really seeing it in the teen timeline earlier but Misty pledging herself to Nat when Nat was crowned the antler queen is like, just a formal pledge. She's solidifying what was already there. Nat wasn't the antler queen when she chose to save her over Javi. Nat was the one being hunted for sport, and Misty could've run over to her to finish the job. Or help Javi and then finish the job. But nope, she just went straight to pulling Nat off of him and telling her if she doesn't run the others WILL kill her. Nat was also the first person to jump in front of Misty and defend her to Shauna after Shauna punched her in 2.07 so I'm sure that helped Misty glom onto her a bit lol

Fully agree, this is my reasoning as well! I do also believe that Nat and Misty have always had a level of understanding as outcasts - I think Misty always saw her as "safer" than the other girls, and I think Nat could understand Misty in ways that allowed her to be more tolerant than others because she understood where Misty's need for acceptance comes from. (Though, the other side of that is, I think Nat also got more frustrated with Misty because she understands what it's like to be an outcast, except Nat leaned into it where Misty fought against it - in the sense of, "if it was so easy for me to be different, why can't you just do the same?") And not that it was official/canon in the show, but at least some of the actresses (I think Christina and/or Juliette, but could have been Sammi/Soapy too) have mentioned there being that sort of understanding, where Nat was always nicer to Misty than the others were.

I also, on the less romantic side, do think that Misty is just too pragmatic to not see Nat's value (even pre-wilderness). I think she has always seen Natalie as someone important to have around, and since she is such a practical person I think her emotional responses are sort of tied up in her pragmatism; in fact, I would argue that practicality is inherently romantic for her. So Misty has the - arguably, as a hunter - most useful person in the group, who understands her, and is kind to her (even if distantly), and then defends her? And on top of that, is indebted to Misty (at least as far as Misty is concerned) for saving her life? That is a romantic-pragmatic mashup feast for Misty.

So I definitely think the seeds of her attachment and obsession were there far before the coronation. (Sorry Christina. I agree with 99% of what you say, but not this.) And I agree, the pledge was really just a formal commitment, and more of a conscious decision for what she would already have done subconsciously. I think that moment of Misty looking up is very much things clicking into place for her, like that it's okay to appreciate and care for Natalie the way she does, because now she's her queen. (Not to mention that Misty is neck-deep in comphet. Her being given this tool - this religion, this coronation - that not just allows her to feel the way she does, but encourages it?) I don't see anyone bending the knee with the fervor she did without the seeds being there beforehand.

[medusas-daughter]

When they ate Jackie there was no big discussion just Shauna telling them "Jackie wants us to" then the feast happened they all reached for it at the same time like an instinct. It's the aftermath that showed how each of them dealt with it.

The fact that there was no big discussion now, just Misty telling them "Lottie wants us to" and they all instinctually decided that it wouldn't be Lottie. The rest happened almost in a trance. I think it's the aftermath that will show how each of the characters came to and deals with the decision. Because it wasn't a rational decision, at all. A rational decision would have been to eat jackie's bones, and the baby, and the placenta, and to let Lottie die, and to not beat her to death in the first place. These are traumatized teenagers, half of whom are hallucinating, the other half believes in The Wilderness ™. And through their haze of fear and survival instinct, they think letting it up to fate or the cards of whatever entity is out there makes it not murder. If they were rational, Nat and Travis would be spared as hunters, and Misty as their only medic. Javi and Ben and Lottie and Shauna would be first in line (yes even Shauna she's recovering from a traumatic birth physically she's probably not in tip top shape). But this is not murder, they don't want to murder each other, this is survival, this is them pro-actively choosing to survive instead of waiting to see if they maybe will and the only way they know how to live with that is leaving it up to chance. And by that point, just like when they started eating Jackie, they almost had a hive mind. Whatever wilderness inside of them that was let loose at doomcoming isn't something they discuss, it's something they act on and reflect upon later.

(Nat going along with it shouldn't surprise us by now, she ate Jackie too, she watched Shauna beat up Lottie too, she was disturbed and felt guilty afterwards, but she did)

The necklace imo isn't ritualistic yet, it becomes ritualistic in the next kill. Today I think it was Shauna telling Nat she loves her one last time before losing her too. Shauna looked heartbroken when Nat was chosen. She still stepped up for the kill and didn't try o save her, but when Nat drew the Queen she grieved in that moment. I don't think the necklace was planned or would have been used had it been anyone else other than Nat or Tai. But they build upon their ritual with each new act. And now the necklace will become a ritual.

[ot3]

i will not argue with people in the yellowjackets tag.

FIRST OF ALL. I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS PERSON THINKS THIS IS A SHOW ABOUT CHARACTER GROWTH. NAME ONE WAY ANY CHARACTER IN THIS SHOW HAS DONE ANYTHING OTHER THAN DEGRADE AS A PERSON AND CRUMBLE THEIR OWN LIFE AROUND THEM. 'this isnt good for misty's development' yeah no shit! this is going to make her even worse!!!

but second of all the idea that somehow this robbed nat of agency despite quite literally being shown as her trying to make up for failing to take agency in javi's death is ridiculous. she made an active decision to put herself in harm's way to save someone else, in a way she was too scared to do her before. and it got her killed. misty made the decision to try and kill yet another innocent bystander for her own agenda. and it killed her best friend. just like how misty destroying the black box for her own agenda ruined everyones lives. just how admitting this to crystal made her - say it with me now - kill her best friend. THIS IS AGENCY!!! CHARACTERS SUFFERING THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR DECISIONS IS AGENCY!!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. THIS ISNT A SHOW ABOUT HEALING.

[lottieurl]

Idk if this is a stupid question but do you know why Misty chose to save Natalie from the hunt, because I really don't understand why she did it. I might have missed something obvious but I didn't think they'd really interacted that much/in a positive way and Misty didn't protest when Nat was picked or hold back from chasing her down through the woods, so I don't get why at the last minute when Nat is very close to being killed she tells the others to stay back and saves her

hmmm well it's clear to me misty doesn't REALLY believe in the supernatural (if we go by some of her comments or how she said THEY will kill nat. meaning she never was gonna take part in it while joining the hunt) so based on what we've seen of her in s2 i suppose it's a mix of 1) her being at least more familiar with nat than with javi and she's been having a harder time with losing people this season. and based on what we know about misty before crash - bullied relentlessly - and nat before crash - an outcast who was the most vocal against any sort of bullying - i can guess nat was probably always okay towards her at least before misty did some QUESTIONABLE shit in the wilderness 2) not being all that into the wilderness cult might make her one of the only ones who makes an actual calculated decision. if nat dies their chances of survival longterm go down drastically for when the winter ends. if javi dies... well. travis will be sad. misty does not care about travis. or javi

[animentality]

I hate the TikTok fandom for yellowjackets omg.

Those stupid bitches don't understand those women like I do!!! All they do is talk about how all of them are "crazy bitches."

One got into an argument with me about how Misty was always going to be evil, and that the other women are "way more normal."

That's such a gross simplification and you're so fucking wrong.

None of them are normal!!! That's the entire fucking point.

Natalie even said as much. She's openly fucked up but Taissa and Shauna are just as fucked up.

Shauna killed an innocent man and dragged her daughter into her murder scheme.

Taissa eats fucking dirt and rips off dog heads.

And Misty?? Listen I love her because she's crazy but I am so fucking angry at the idea that she's just some remorseless killer who would kill anyone who gets in her way to get what she wants.

She. Didn't. Mean. To kill crystal.

She mourned her. She apologized, over and over. She refused to let the group eat her, even though it would've saved Javi.

She wouldn't let Nat die instead of Javi.

She literally hid a murder for Shauna.

She CARES about her group.

I know she's selfish and she's made a lot of bad decisions based on her own needs, I'd never deny that.

But she cares about her group. Her savage friends.

She CARES.

I'm so sick of TikTok yellowjackets discourse. Those fucking teenagers don't know shit.

They don't understand Misty like I do.

Sure Misty was already showing signs of being sociopathic, but she also showed great signs of compassion.

She saved Coach Ben from himself. She saved Nat.

She saved Crystal's body, really for no reason.

If she was a total psycho or sociopath, would she have even cared?

Wouldn't she have just said well crystal is dead anyway?

No.

Misty is a fucking kid. We don't know how she would have turned out if her worst tendencies hadn't been dragged out of her during this horrendous crash.

She fucked up, but I doubt she actually wanted to see people killed, even in the beginning.

The wilderness dragged the worse things out of her, but you cant know for sure who she would've been, had she not been on that fucking plane.

Ugh.

TikTok teens.

[whatvef]

I could seriously think forever about mistys emotional motivations . The absolute insane shit she does with a smile and the desperation she has to save people she cares about, even when she's hurt them, even when she hurt them because she cares about them so much she doesn't know what to do with it. Youd think that maybe a character like that wouldn't care if she ate the person she killed but that person was her best friend and she's starving but she won't let them do that to her body because she loves her. She poisoned Ben because she had feelings for him, he has completely rejected her and if he dies they will survive longer, but she begs him not to because she loves him, because she saved him, because seeing him about to jump makes her responsible for keeping him alive and she can't have another death on her hands. And she switched so quickly and seamlessly from chasing nat down to saving her life. she made that decision in a second, she cares more about nat than javi and she knew she could save nat if he died. She cares about people so so much and all of this is her fault <3

[dicapiito]

Yellowjackets and what their numbers mean:

Jackie #9: it’s the opposite of six but the way the team treated her, it’s like she was the devil because ..she was pretty and popular. Her only fault was that she just seemed a tad too naive to the world. However, considering her parents and Jeff acting like he should be her first; can’t blame her. Jackie was no mind reader and even now, Shauna can finally admit that it wasn’t Jackie who made her feel crappy

Lottie #5 : The one who believes in all the supernatural of everything…to an extent. It also could represent the amount of people she’s going to personally lose. If they’re not close; they don’t count ( see Lottie not having Jackie at the table when she saw Laura Lee)

Shauna #6: Evil. She just doesn’t know it just yet. She hated Jackie and wanted to take everything she had because she felt invisible and sometimes evil can be invisible.

Van #1: The last one standing. She could easily be the last left alive in the adult timeline because she keeps making it out of some very horrible situations. Also when the group needs entertainment; Van is #1. The first to speak and basically she’s always #1 somehow and somewhere and to someone

Taissa #8: Infinite symbol can be seen in the #8. From an infinite struggle with the other Tai, to infinite feelings about Van despite the fact that Van and her just can’t be together. Along with Tai is pretty even when she’s herself and even makes smart decisions ( season 3 let’s make up for the lack of Tai)

Laura Lee #2: the name, the way she puts herself second to religion and even the team when she tried to fly the plane. The #2 person after the initial crash to die and her death is the second Lottie changed

Allison #11: boring..like the number. Also would’ve been ate first if she was in the wilderness since she was annoying.

Nat #7: Lucky #7. Or for her, usually UNlucky #7 in most her life. She has been luckily saved by Misty , Travis, Javi and Coach Scott. Lucky that others have died for her while she remained. Even being the Antler Queen ( until Lottie embraces it again imo). Even in the end; she luckily didn’t have a painful death but how unlucky the way it ended. ( anyone else feel like that was written because JL was leaving and not for the story?)

[chansaw]

I'd love to hear more about the yj animorphs au! I'm curious when (besides the Jackie-Gets-Stuck Incident) it really hits the girls that the lives they knew are gone forever, that their own lives and their loved ones' lives are in danger, etc. Are they forced to put down a family member, knowing their loved one was trapped and screaming in their own head the whole time? Does a teammate get captured and the others realize, after a massacre of a rescue mission, that they're capable of terrible things? Does each girl realize they can't go back to Before at a different time? Sorry if I'm rambling, I'm just so curious about the mindset of these kids forced into a brutal, insurmountable war.

anon i love you so much :plead:

anyways i touched on some of this a little in my last response but i can talk about this so much. the main thing that connects animorphs and yellowjackets in my mind is the theme of "no return", and the way both of these series explore the way trauma mentally and physically transforms a person.

Does a teammate get captured and the others realize, after a massacre of a rescue mission, that they're capable of terrible things?

this is actually exactly what happens in like chapter 5 or 6 - van gets captured and tortured, and taissa goes absolutely ham trying to get her back. things go from bad to worse after the mission ends and someone off-handedly compares tai to shauna, which upsets them both. shauna is distraught that the others see her as just a bloodthirsty berserker, and it terrifies tai to think about how many ethical lines she crossed in the fight to save van, and how easy it was for her to cross those lines.

with regards to the family members thing... i feel like we have so little canon information on the girls' families that i'm not sure yet how im gonna use them. but you're right - in animorphs, jake's primary motivation throughout the war is to save his brother, tom; in the final act, his decision to send his own cousin on a kamikaze mission to take tom out ends the whole war but also shatters jake as a person. it's a similar moral dilemma to the one nat faces when she decides to let javi die in her place. still hammering out plot beats, i might come back to this later lol

anyways, to answer your question: yes, i feel like each girl has her own "oh, this is real, this is actually fucking happening and there's no turning back now" moment but the moment that really cements the line between Before and After is when laura lee is killed when she volunteers to commandeer a stolen bug fighter and it explodes in midair, and no one knows why. its a wakeup call: laura lee dies for no good reason, and the team realizes their lives could be cut short just as easily at any moment. i'm kind of sick so this probably isn't as good as it could be but words hard

[drusill-a]

Yellowjackets finale long outburst below (spoilers obviously):

IMO, this episode was much better than the previous one (which was incredibly disappointing in terms of character development and the lack of important scenes that would have allowed viewers to understand their decisions).

I'm torn when it comes to adult Nat’s fate.

On one hand I'm really sorry that the storyline of a character who was suicidal and started finding meaning in life and overcoming grief ends like this. And what doesn’t help is that it was the second consecutive episode in which adult YJs storyline was poorly, shakily written. I mean the fact that almost all of them finally agreed to make sacrifice was terribly justified… Why did Tai and Nat suddenly change their mind????? Where’s any build-up to this??? I only really buy into Lottie and Van's motivations.

On the other hand - if the writers had to kill off one of the adult characters, I would nominate Nat myself, sorry! I love her in both timelines, but let's face it - they didn't give her any interesting storyline after s1. Adult Nat was also, in a way, the least morally grey and the least messed up of all of them (contrary to appearances) – and it made her the least interesting to me (although it's like choosing between my children).

Her death scene was in character and provided a meaningful conclusion to her arc. As a teenager she let Javi die to save herself, and it haunted her for 25 years. Therefore, as an adult she instinctively chose to shield another innocent young person with her own body, instead of letting another victim burden her conscience once again. This make sense for her character.

So I'm not completely convinced about killing her off (did they really have to kill any of them at this point?), but I'm also not particularly angry at the writers for that decision. It all depends on where they will take the storyline of the adult YJs from here. The only thing I would definitely change is rewriting most of the scenes involving the adult characters to make it clear why they are doing what they're doing, because the explanation of their behavior and motivations in the last two episodes was terribly lacking.

Moving on to smaller, irritating plot points: killing off Kevyn Tan while leaving Mustache Cop alive was incredibly annoying, especially considering that Kevyn wasn't a bad person and had a child, and just the sight of Mustache Cop gives me a rash.

Also until the end I had hope that Walter would turn against the YJs (or be used as a sacrifice) and that his presence in the show would be somehow justified. But no, it seems like they're just forcing heterosexuality on Misty :((( Elijah Wood seems like a fantastic person irl, and I'm almost sorry that I dislike his character so much. I could probably survive the unnecessary introduction of a love interest of the opposite sex just to prove that Misty’s into men. But the fact that his personality is a more irritating and less interesting version of Misty's is just unbearable. I can't stand this kind of lazy writing.

But I was right about Ben surviving the season!!!! I kept saying every week that they wouldn't get rid of him that soon, and I was right, even though the entire fandom was nominating him to kick the bucket every episode. Come on, he’s a character with a great potential and from the beginning there were two options: either they would give him a corruption arc, or he would stick to his principles and eventually become opposition for the rest of the team. In the finale they took a very interesting direction. The last scene with the burning cabin was fantastic, and I can't wait to see how this storyline unfolds. Maybe he’s still in that cave in the adult timeline xd

Long story short, the season wasn't half as good as it could and should have been, but the stronger moments are so impactful that it’s still my fave (currently airing) show.

[euryalex]

I think the episode started out great - Nat and Travis' reaction to Javi's death was absolutely devastating. And I did kinda love Walter this episode - glad we're rid of the cop plot tbh. And for Coach Ben to see the last person he trusted give in, and his reaction - that the girls are beyond saving, no one can be trusted anymore - resulting in the fire, pretty good decision by the writers. I even kinda liked Callie sensing the wilderness. Everything besides that? Kinda just... Annoying to watch, to be honest.

I do think this season started out strong and even had its moments towards the end but... Idk? The finale didn't really hit me the way I thought it would. So far most of the deaths have been ones I absolutely wished didn't happen - Jackie, Crystal, Javi... They all had such big moments that left you shocked and really had you think.

Nat, however, didn't have that effect on me? Now, the acting was amazing, but... The scene itself didn't really hit me. I hope next season will be better :/

[misquigleya]

going to put under a read more as it got long and there are spoilers pertaining to the newest episode. so don't click the read more if you're not caught up!

"Eight of diamonds meaning is unpredictable. On a rainy day this card announces obstacles and efforts without success. On a sunny day – on the contrary – it means good prospects for business. The deeper message of the Eight of spades is that of prudence. Even if it is sunny outside, take an umbrella."

Find it interesting that Misty drew the eight of diamonds and is someone that is unpredictable and always has been. She's shown that side of herself out in the wilderness a lot so the fact that she drew that card, it makes sense. One minute she's the one making the rules for the game and making sure each party involves understands them as well as the surrounding spectators to being the first one to break them.

"In a Tarot reading, the Eight of Diamonds can indicate that you are feeling stressed about making decisions. You may be overloaded and feel like your responsibilities have taken over your life. It might also mean that there is an issue with indecision or difficulties in reaching conclusions."

Misty does struggle with making decisions and she showed it in episode eight "It Chooses". We see her being the one to take on that role of leadership with being the one to go from person to person as they decide their own fates. And throughout all of them, she hardly reacts until Natalie. When the queen card is drawn, we see that Misty shows just as much shock as the others have but there's something else to be noted. And that is the fact that if followed closely, you can see that she looks to Travis as she looks to her left in the general location of where he was standing with Javi. So that could have easily been a "we need to save her somehow" or simply she was looking in that direction trying to process what this meant for someone she cares about.

Though if we fast forward to the chase scene, Misty does go after her and does participate in the hunt as everyone else does. But this is where the stressing about making decisions comes into play; will she actually take part in bringing the prey [Natalie] down or will she stand by and observe while the others do it? We know that none of them do get a hold of Nat or Javi for that matter. That the Wilderness chose with the ice breaking and him falling into the frigid waters. And as Natalie calls for the others to help her, Misty is the only one who does come forward and though it's not the way that Natalie wanted help, Misty did help her by saving her.

"If you save him, the OTHERS will kill you" this line stuck out and has been sticking out to me since watching the episode. It's the way Misty chooses to use the word "others" instead of "we" or "we'll" or any kind of variation that includes herself in killing Natalie. So this decision making can be deduced to Misty reaching a pivotal and greatly important conclusion with saving Natalie from the others as well as going into the lake ( either being dragged down with Javi or going in after him as she had already shown a clear sign of taking that step if need be as we saw with her reaction to them losing the moose in previous episode. ) It is both a personal and logical decision as she knows that Natalie has provided for them since the first deer kill in season one. She [Misty] knows that if Natalie is taken out, that their own demise will follow suit as she has put most of her faith in the other girl in keeping them alive; this faith is divided between Lottie and Natalie as she believes in both of them and knows that without either of them, they're fucked. And overall, we've seen that Misty will always choose Natalie over anyone else as it's been shown in present time many times; snorting the cocaine to keep her from relapsing, spying on her despite knowing it's morally wrong, destroying her car so that she could go with to find Travis, etc. Everything she has done, whether morally correct or incorrect, has been done with Natalie's best interest at heart and it has been that way since the wilderness.

[ahaura]

yellowjackets s2e5 lb

A VHS TAPE MY OLD FRIEND THE VCR <3

VAN OWNS A DVD/VHS RENTAL STORE AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"happy wife happy life" fjakjkdjksaj but also DID lottie stop her from sleepwalking?

callie you are hanging out with not only a grown man but a COP callie PLEASE

"if i get a strike you have to kiss me" oh jesus fucking christ

i will say that callie is being stupid but it's teenager stupid and it's also "my mom confessed murdering someone to me and i am going to lash out" stupid so it's like. an expected stupid but oh my god callie please

"i sexually hustled you" i hate this <3

YES CALLIE USE GOOGLE!

omg i forgot about javi

are they going to eat him

crystal and misty bestie hour <3

"you can talk to me if it helps" HE'S A COP! TELL HIM YOU WERE LYING AND SCRAM!

CALLIE LYING TO THE COP TELLING HIM SHAUNA WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH RANDY INSTEAD OF ADAM SAVING HER MOM'S ASS JESUS CHRIST

teenagers can be so so so stupid (i know i was one) but also they're not NEARLY as stupid or oblivious as adults think. point in case callie

"there's only ever one rule. win" they're perfect for each other

"a fucking cop?" "how old is he?" parent time

"so... i did fix it?" oh callie oh callie oh she's just a kid in the middle of a shit show trying to deal with her stupid parents and their stupid drama and their stupid murder and even though they've been lying to her and then making the HORRIBLE decision to make her party to their crime (shauna.) she's still trying to help oh god i feel so bad for her

love seeing more of akilah in this ep i rly hope they dont find out about her mouse <3

hardy boy mention <3

ok so either crystal is going to get eaten OR misty pushes her off the cliff or they have some sort of scuffle because she wants to tell the others if misty confesses she stranded them out there for social points

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :( IM SORRY CRYSTAL (KRISTEN)

you know walter is taking the whole "misty could have murdered adam" thing very well all things considered

"my grandma killed my grandpa and even though she was in jail for 30 years she never failed to send me a birthday card. she was thoughtful, like you" COMEDYYYYYYYYYYY

"maybe you dont have to be dying to have regrets" OH?

OH TAISSA :(

loving the lottie and nat back and forth its so fun

who is javi's friend

SLEEPWALKING TAI LETS GOOOOOO

THEY BROUGHT IT BACK

THE SHADOW

ITS SO CREEPY ITS SO GOOD

[medusas-daughter]

I hate myself for saying this, but Nat dying makes sense. And I hate it because I got attached to Nat and I love her. But it still makes sense within the story.

If Jackie died because she didn't belong in the wilderness the way the others did, then Nat died because she didn't belong in civility. From the start. She was the odd one out in season 1, both before the crash and after, the one who's too wild, too brash, too outspoken, too feral. The one who reminds them of there, who won't let them move on. And just like they had to kill their humanity in order to survive in the wilderness, they had to kill the wilderness in order to survive in human society. It's been foreshadowed from the start.

And Nat wanted to save Javi. She killed a part of herself by letting him die. But more than that, the choice was taken from her. Someone else made that decision and she forced herself to live with it. Dying to save an innocent kid, that's not Nat paying penance, showing her with her teenage self and Javi, juxtaposing her death with Javi's wasn't to say that she deserved it or that it was karma. It was her finally choosing, finally taking back her agency over how she gets to live or die.

If we start talking about karma or who deserves what or morality, then this is the wrong show to watch, none of them deserve what happened to them, all of them did fucked up shit, no one is innocent and no one is moral and no one is guilty and that is the point.

But Nat died on her own terms. She was scared to die. But she knew Misty, she knew what she was getting in the middle of. She died on her own terms, how many of them can say that?

I'll miss Juliette Lewis. And I'll always cry for Nat's tragic life, she deserved better. But this is the hand she was dealt, and she handled it the best she could.