#nero might have a much harder time with this depending on how he learns of it his and patty's background is just painfully similar

[prototypelq]

The reason I am so ensnared by the idea of Patty interacting with Dante AND the entire DMC cast is that she is, pretty much, the only normal person out here. Dante and Patty's relationship (found family or just friendly, I hunt down shippers for sport) is the most normal relationship, which is also quite important to him. And he has never had that.

Dante's relationship with literally any other character is rooted in very bad, no good, terrible history which neither of them want to talk about ever again. Those relationships are full of landmines, which they need to avoid. Dante&Patty don't have that, there is no big blacklist of topics between them, they can just vibe together without this additional weight of History TM between them. This normality, is in itself, abnormal in DMC and for Dante especially. He needs that, and honestly, every character in this series is mentally deranged in some way, they all need that. But I also think exposing them to this little island of almost-normal will hurt them initially...(this can vary a lot depending on the circumstances, look for reblog for additional thoughts).

This doesn't make other relationships Dante has with characters less, nor does it make Dante&Patty's relationship more important than others. I just wanted to point out how heavily this (1) normal relationship heavily contrasts with everything else this series has, and can have a little earthquake effect of this house build of cards. More importantly, I wanted to highlight how Interesting it would be to compare it with others, and it would be fascinating to see other character's reacting to it.

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #175

Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re entering the Dead Heat Summer Race! That’s right, we’re finally doing some Summer servants... in the Summer! We’re still a year off, but at least they’ve got the spirit!

As an added challenge, I’ll make sure all the teams get their own car! Fran & Maid Alter get a pass since they’re teamed up with people that already have cars (Babbage & Nero, respectively), but the others will all have their own vehicles to ride!

Anyways, today we’re building Nero Claudius... again. I promise this is... probably(?) the last time. She’s a Creation Bard to build up her golden theater on the sea as well as a sick car. She’s also a Draconic Soul Sorcerer to grab those giant guns she’s got on her back.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: Team Electric Steam feat. Papa!

Race and Background

Nero is still a Human Noble. This gives her +1 to any two stats, and her Constitution and Charisma will need rounding up in a second, so go with those. She also gets proficiency with History, Persuasion, and Performance, plus the Lucky feat to re-roll her attacks, saves, and checks plus incoming attacks three times per long rest. You might be in a bikini, but you’re still the emperor. You get what you want, and what you want is just about everything.

Ability Scores

Surprising no one, your Charisma is your highest stat. The race was basically a popularity contest, and you won almost every leg of it. Second is Dexterity- you’re fighting in either a dress or a swimsuit, but in either case it’s definitely not armor. Your Constitution is next, races take a while and there’s no time to stop for snacks, so you’ll have to toughen up a bit. After that is Intelligence. You’re flighty, not dumb. Your Strength isn’t amazing, you don’t really need big muscles to look good, but we’re dumping Wisdom. It wouldn’t be high at the best of times, and the caster class suits you to a dangerous degree.

Class Levels

1. Sorcerer 1: Starting off as a sorcerer may get you less health and fewer proficiencies, but you still get Constitution and Charisma saves, as well as Arcana and Religion. You’re a caster now, it’s time to act like one.

The big reason we’re starting here right away is for the goody you get from being a Draconic Bloodline sorcerer, Draconic Resilience. Thanks to your great-great-great-great-great-grandparent Dragon Ancestor being a red dragon, you get an extra 1 hp for each level of this class, as well as a doubled proficiency bonus on charisma checks involving dragons.

You also get an unarmored defense of 13 + your dexterity modifier. Now you can wear a swimsuit anywhere you like without issues. I’d still recommend you don’t meet the king dressed like that, but you’re a noble, I’m sure he’s already expecting a bit of eccentricity.

You can also cast Spells using your Charisma, grab Light and Minor Illusion to put on a good show, Sword Burst so you can actually use a sword (we’ll get better options later), and Magic Missile and Create Bonfire for some quick shots from your cannons. You also get Absorb Elements, because this and Blade Ward are the easiest to get “weakness nullifying” spells, and this one’s actually good.

2. Bard 1: Bouncing over to bard real quick gives you another set of Spells that also use Charisma. You also get Bardic Inspiration, d6s you can hand out as a bonus action to allies. While they have one, they can add it to an attack, save, or check they have to make. You have Charisma Modifier inspiration dice to give out per long rest.

You do whatever you want, and while Prestidigitation isn’t quite that open-ended, it’s still pretty good for a single spell. You also get Friends, Command and Charm Person to be your usual charming self. Grab Cure Wounds for just a touch of healing, and Feather Fall. You’ve got giant metal wings, they should be good for something, right?

You get proficiency with Animal Handling as well.

3. Bard 2: Second level bards are Jacks of All Trades, adding half their proficiency bonus to all ability checks. You can also perform a Song of Rest on short rests, adding 1d6 to healing done. Your dulcet tones inspire everyone around you! (Usually to put as much distance between themselves and you as possible, but hush)

Your inspiration also turns into Magical Inspiration- creatures can use your inspiration to add to their spell’s damage or healing potential.

Finally, you get the spell Unearthly Chorus, which doesn’t have any damage or healing potential! It just makes you even better at charisma checks. It’s also very flavorful for someone about to open a theater.

4. Bard 3: Third level bards graduate from their college, and the College of Creation will one day allow you to afford a car! For now, you only have a Note of Potential, adding extra effects to your inspiration depending on how they’re used. Adding one to an ability check gives the user advantage on the die roll. Adding it to an attack roll deals thunder damage to the target and each creature next to it that fails a constitution save. Adding it to a saving throw adds temporary hp to the user equal to the roll plus your charisma modifier.

You know how I just said you only have the note? We lied. You can also make a Performance of Creation once per long rest or by spending a second level spell slot. You can create any nonmagical item, as long as it is worth less than 20 times your bard level in GP, and medium or smaller. Neither of those restrictions will help you make a car, but they’ll improve as you level up.

Finally, you get Expertise in Animal Handling and Arcana, doubling your proficiency bonus in both skills.

For your spell, Enhance Ability makes it easier to do whatever you set your mind to, giving advantage on one kind of ability check for the duration.

5. Bard 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to bump up your Charisma for stronger spells and more inspiration.

You also learn the Dancing Lights cantrip so you can put on even better shows, and Pyrotechnics for pretty much the same reason. You need an existing source of fire to set it off, but you can always combo it with Create Bonfire in a pinch.

6. Bard 5: Fifth level bards are a Font of Inspiration, recharging your inspiration on short rests instead of long ones. Also, your inspiration grows to d8s.

You can also make a Motivational Speech with a third level spell slot, giving your party temporary HP, advantage on wisdom saves, and advantage on its next attack if it gets hit by an attack.

7. Bard 6: Countercharm is okay, spend an action to give advantage to your party on charm and frightening saves, but we’re really here for your subclass specialties. Your Performance of Creation can make Large objects now, and you can spend an action to make an Animating Performance, turning a large or smaller (gee, that worked out nicely) object into a Dancing Item for up to an hour. It’ll only dodge on its turn unless you use your bonus action to command the thing, but you can inspire people and command it in the same action. You can make a dancing item once per long rest, or by using third level spell slots. Also, you can only have one at a time. I’m pretty sure a functional car in a medieval setting is worth more than 120 gold though, so we’ll work on it some more later.

For your spell, I’d suggest Suggestion, it’s very useful for making the world revolve around you.

8. Sorcerer 2: Second level sorcerers become a Font of Magic (you are just becoming a font for all sorts of crap, huh?), giving you sorcery points equal to your sorcerer level. You can turn spell slots into points, or points into slots, or even cooler stuff next level!

For now, the big new thing is you can cast Shield. Those giant metal wings make it harder to hit you than you’d think.

9. Sorcerer 3: Third level sorcerers get that cooler thing I was just talking about, Metamagic! When you get it now, you get two metamagic options that can alter how your spells work; Heightened spells force disadvantage against their save on one creature they effect, and Twinned spells target two creatures instead of only one (Note: twinned spells only work on spells that target a single creature.)

You also get Scorching Ray, giving you a macross missile massacre of fire out of those organcannons you’re hauling around with you.

10. Bard 7: We’re stopping back in bard real quick to grab your fourth level spell, Hallucinatory Terrain. Somehow you always bring the waterfront with you when you use your NP, and now you really can do that!

11. Sorcerer 4: Use this ASI to max out your Charisma for the best spells possible. Speaking of the best spells possible, you can cast True Strike now for advantage on an attack next turn! You can also cast Shadow Blade so you have a sword you can attack with. A cool, spooky sword that deals psychic damage and has advantage against targets in the dark. Yes, it took us half the build to get a sword, that’s what happens when you’re a cavalry class.

12. Sorcerer 5: Fifth level sorcerers are even better at skill checks now thanks to their Magical Guidance, using your sorcery points to reroll failed checks for, essentially, permanent advantage on whatever you do.

You can also cast Water Walk. Eventually your NP will involve actual water, so you’ll want to be prepared for that. Forcing your whole party to do the doggy paddle every time you want to cut loose isn’t a great look, be a team player here.

13. Sorcerer 6: Our last stop on the sorcerer train is sixth level, giving you an Elemental Affinity for fire. All your fire damage spells get your charisma added to their damage, and you can spend a sorcery point after casting one of them to gain resistance to fire damage for an hour. Always remember to apply sunscreen throughout the day. Now more than ever, that shit gets hot.

To take advantage of this new affinity, you can cast Melf’s Minute Meteors, launching chunks of those cannons off and firing a couple per turn at your enemies, dealing fire damage in a small area around their destination. Creatures have to make a dexterity save, and if they succeed they take half damage. Like scorching ray, these are multiple instances of fire damage, so add your charisma to each one.

14. Bard 8: Back in bard for good now! Use this ASI to bump up your Dexterity so you can start being good with a sword. Just in case that’s still not enough, you can cast Charm Monster now too. You have enough gravitas to bend the authors to your will, I’m sure you can handle a manticore or two.

15. Bard 9: Your Song of Rest grows to 1d8 now, but more importantly you get fifth level spells! Animate Objects is another way to build your car (we’re still 5 levels away from performance of creation building it) or to get your cannon bits into position.

16. Bard 10: Tenth level bards get another cantrip! Honestly, we probably should’ve gotten Mending earlier. Adventuring in an outfit where a single snapped string can completely remove your top isn’t a great idea. You also get Magical Secrets, giving you two spells from any spell list. Flame Blade gives you a more thematically appropriate weapon, and Fireball is a big boom you can fire off.

On top of that, you get another round of Expertise, doubling your proficiency in Performance and Persuasion.

You also get a bigger inspiration, letting you hand out d10s.

17. Bard 11: Eleventh level bards get sixth level spells, like Mass Suggestion. It’s like Suggestion, but for the masses.

18. Bard 12: Use this last ASI to bump up your Dexterity again for a higher AC and better swordplay.

19. Bard 13: Your song of rest increases to a d10 as well, and you get the seventh level spell of champions, Mirage Arcane! If you make an illusion you can really feel, is it still an illusion? Anyways, you can make your golden theater now and the ocean surrounding it, and it all lasts for 10 days!

20. Bard 14: Your capstone level of bard lets you hit a Creative Crescendo, creating up to five items at once when you use your Performance of Creation. One of those objects can be Huge, the rest all have to be Small or smaller. You also don’t have to worry about cost when making objects, so that car is finally within reach! 

You also get Magical Secrets again for two more spells. Prismatic Spray gives your golden theater some big ass cannons, creating a 60′ cone of light that deals different kinds of damage and effects. You also get Tenser’s Transformation, turning you from a full caster class into a proper fighter once more. You get temporary HP, permanent advantage on weapon attacks, you deal extra force damage, gain proficiency with all weapons as well as strength and constitution saves, and you can attack twice per action. The downsides are you can’t cast spells and after it ends you have to make a constitution save afterwards to prevent exhaustion, but I think it’s appropriate that we finally gave Nero those migraines she’s always complaining about.

Pros:

As usual, nero’s build is pretty adaptable, with a little bit of everything to help out any dedicated role in the party. She has healing, dps spells, utility, social graces, pretty much all skill checks, and also literally the ability to make whatever item she might need in a given situation.

Tenser’s Transformation is meant to turn wizards into melee fighters, and you’re (more or less) a bard. With almost 200 HP thanks to this spell and the ability to make your own armory, you can turn yourself into a terrifying war god practically at will.

Elemental Affinity can be really scary if you game the system right. Max out a casting of scorching ray to deal 20d6+50 damage to a single target. That’s better than a 9th level fireball. It also gives resistance to one of the most common damage types!

Cons:

Fire is one of the most common damage types, so it’s also one of the most common resistances. You have other stuff to fall back on, but it’ll put a crimp in your style if you go up against fire elementals. Or water elementals. Or fiends. Or- you get the picture.

We don’t improve on physical stats until level 14, which means you’ll be stuck with an AC of 15 for a majority of the game, and your sword skills won’t be that useful until very late in the campaign.

The big moment where the build really comes together as Nero is around level 19-20, meaning most players will never actually reach that point. Sorry guys, Nero is a luxury few can afford.

[kaette-kita-slayers]

July-December 2015 Q&As

Here’s the rest of 2015!

July 2015

Q: Is there any connection between the Elmekian Empire and Elmekia Lance?

K: [Elmekia Lance] was named that because it was developed in the Elmekian Empire.

Q: I recall that Mazoku have to fight using only their own power, or their existence itself will be threatened, as beings of mental energy*. But Shabranigdu gave Xelloss talismans that draw on the power of the Demon Lords of other worlds, and Xelloss used them. Is that okay for a Mazoku to do? I worry about whether using someone else's power might destroy Xelloss. * (This is one of those terms that's simple in Japanese, but a little harder to render in English. It literally means “mind-form”.)

K: He was obligated to pretend to be human, so it wouldn't really have been a problem.

(I honestly don't know if this question is about Slayers or something else, sorry!) Q: Ramika loves cats. Does her teacher, Nero Griffa, like cats, too? Or does he not particularly care, and feel like "If you have enough free time to bother with a helpless creature like that, then why can't you devote yourself further as an apprentice?"

K: Nero Griffa loves hamsters. I think he started down the path of darkness because his pet hamster died, or something.

August 2017

Q: Is the Eternal Queen called that because she's immortal? If she isn't immortal, then does that mean that each generation of the queens of Zephilia possesses the mind (ghost?) of the Aqualord? Also, the Knight of Ceipheed, Luna, can slice up a dragon with a kitchen knife, so can the Eternal Queen do the same?

K: The Eternal Queen isn't completely immortal, but she has a near-immortal lifespan and changes very little physically. The Eternal Queen has inherited the Aqualord's "knowledge", and Big Sis has "power", so they won't necessarily be able to do the same things.

Q: I'm curious about which have personalities you like and which have personalities you hate, among the characters you've written, in both the main series and short stories. If you had to choose---not characters you like or hate, but just personalities---who would you pick?

K: It's not "hate" so much as "have difficulty with", but the truth is that I think I'd have trouble dealing with Lina and Gourry. Someone as pushy as Lina would probably be irritating, and having to explain everything from start to finish like you would with Gourry would also be irritating. There's not really anyone whose personality I can specifically say I like.

Q: Which of these would the Mazoku (especially Xelloss) prefer: the occasional negative emotions of anger and sadness that humans with their eyes on the future feel, like Lina's group, or the extreme negative emotions experienced by the type of humans who would do anything to achieve what they want, like Rezo?

K: Mazoku each have their own preferences. Similar to how some people like fish, while others like meat.

September 2015

(No entry)

October 2015

Q: Lately, a lot of light novel authors have been writing scripts for anime other than adaptations of their work. You were in charge of the script for the Slayers movie, so have you ever wanted to write scripts for other anime?

K: No. Writing a few scripts really drove home the difference in how you have to present things in scripts and in novels. Plus there's the strictness of the deadlines. Most of the time with scripts, you have to be really fast, so I felt that specializing in them would be rough, honestly.

Q: In honor of the surprising spotlight on Lantz at the Slayers 25th anniversary exhibition, I have a question. Did you intend for Lantz to return from the beginning? I heard that the editorial staff was surprised that volume 3 ended up being more interesting than plotted, so when you were writing the plot, did you plan for him to return?

K: As I was plotting it out, I did plan for him to return. However, before I started writing the plot, I hadn't had any intention of bringing him back.

Q: Flare Dragon Ceipheed has the Flare Dragon Sword*, and Ruby Eye Shabranigdu has the Hungry Bone Staff*. It seems like they have weapons for their personal use that require a human form. Do the gods and Mazoku take human form by default, rather than adopting human forms to blend in with humans? Also, Sherra's Dulgofa may be an exception, but are Rashatt's sword or Xelloss' staff support items that increase their combat strength? I would very much appreciate it if you could answer this, if you don't mind. * (I have no idea if there are official/accepted translations for these?)

K: I think I've discussed this before in Megabura's* newsletters, but the Flare Dragon Sword only exists in legends, not in reality. The Hungry Bone Staff is indeed patterned after human weapons, but only because it happened to be the most convenient option at the time, no other reason. As for your other question, they're only external support items, so even if they happen to be useful, they don't actually increase their combat strength. * (The official fan club)

November 2015

(No entry)

December 2015

Q: When Zel was a kid, did he never even once study at school or the Sorcerer's Guild side-by-side with children his own age? If not, then when it came to the reading, writing, and arithmetic that children study, did he learn that from his parents, who were educated by Rezo in academic and magic subjects? In the Slayers Anthology, Zel gives Amelia some advice that makes him sound like a bookish young man, so I wondered who he learned about things other than Shamanistic Magic from. Or did Zel have another teacher aside from Rezo who taught him about subjects other than magic?

K: There's no such thing as compulsory education in that world, so unless you specifically enroll in a large school, you'll essentially never study side-by-side with other people. In Zel's case, I think he learned a variety of things from Rezo and his associates. Such as Noonsa.

Q: How do they develop new magic in the Slayers world? Do they do things like research ancient tomes and records of the Mazoku left behind in in folk tales, then pedal home on a bike from work at the Sorcerer's Guild, thinking up Chaos Words and muttering to themselves like "Darkness deeper than twilight... nah, that's not it...", then pack themselves a lunch on a nice sunny day and go out to some deserted mountain or ocean to try it out?

K: Different people have different methods of devising new spells, but the basis of it is always learning and analyzing preexisting spells. Building on that, they can proceed by trial and error, doing things like picking up information from ancient writings and adding that in, or combining it with the procedure for a different class of spell. It's common for people to attempt to create new spells, only for them to have no effect.

Q: I think there was a place in the main series where it said that even among pure Mazoku, it's easier for high-ranking Mazoku to take human form. In that case, what determines the appearance they end up with? Is it a reflection of the Mazoku's personality? Or can they choose to look however they want? This is an extreme example, but could Xelloss turn into Lina or Gourry? (as in, transforming himself)

K: Basically, if a Mazoku takes on human form, it all depends on the Mazoku's intent. So Xelloss could look identical to someone else. However, he wouldn't do it, because unless it were a necessity, it would be a problem for his sense of self and identity as a Mazoku.

[thejojosanctuary]

*ROLLS IN WITH A BAG FULL OF KISSES* La Squadra boys with a very physically affectionate s/o. It's hug time all the time and I wanna see Ghiaccio break. You can cut it down to half of them if it's too much, though. *dumps kisses all over you nerds*

This request has been in the ask box for so long I am 99.9% sure you aren’t here anymore anon I’m so sorry this was delayed ;A; Hopefully you can enjoy this despite how ridiculously late it was

- Ghost

RisottoNero

·        Risotto will be upfront with S/O’s love forphysically expressing their affection, he doesn’t mind that they enjoy beingphysically affectionate but his work keeps him busy often and as a result he maynot be able to oblige them whenever they’re in the mood for kisses and hugs; itwon’t be hard for them to discern when the best time for affection will bethough, his demeanour will let them know if it’s affection time or if he’s busy with work

·        Most of the affection’s going to come from S/O,his gestures are mostly subtle but meaningful and it’s only with persistenceand assurance that he can give them kisses and affection whenever he feels likeit from his partner that he’ll probably open up more to doing these things withthem; of course affection isn’t really his forte so this will mostly be pattingtheir back or rubbing their arm and shoulder when the two of them are in closeproximity

·        His constant work and missions sometimes leavehim exhausted so he’s a lot more open and forward with his expression ofaffection with his partner when he is particularly tired, he’ll enjoy havingthem cuddle up close to his side where he can wrap an arm around them and justrest like that; of course if his S/O wanted more than that then he wouldactively give them more attention, giving them soft strokes as well as theoccasional kiss if they so wanted it and he definitely won’t object if theywant to give him the same treatment in return

·        With that being said though he is a ratherreserved person overall so if his S/O wants to be affectionate in public he’llbe less open to it as he’s more comfortable when the two of them are away fromprying eyes and in a place where he doesn’t need to be so on guard and hostile;in these cases the most they’re going to get from him affection wise is himjust remaining close to their side, however he might also slip his hand intotheirs depending on just how crowded of an area the two of them are in

Ghiaccio

·        Ghiaccio is a tsundere mess when it comes to hisS/O’s physical affection, being showered with endless streams of affection andkisses is enough to fluster and embarrass anyone but this is even more apparentwith this walking talking grump; if they so much as tug him into a hug or pecka kiss to his lips his usual annoyed expression will break just a little moreeach time just enough for S/O to notice the change (or perhaps other members ofLa Squadra since they all know

·        He’ll shrug off their affectionate gestures whenthey’re in public and act as though it’s an annoyance to mask the fact that headores it when they do this, it’s only when they get away from prying eyes thathe lets them openly cuddle and hug him without (much) resistance although whenthey cuddle S/O can expect to be subjected to a rant about the things thathappened that day as he pulls them in so that they’re spooning and rests hishead on their shoulder as he does so

·        If they surprise him with full on affectionategestures without any warning they can expect him to yell out at the sudden action(unless they kiss him in which place it’s going to be a very muffled yell) andit’s amusing to listen to the few minutes of pure, indiscernible gibberish thatspouts from his mouth as a result, of course once he’s calmed down he’ll bepulling them right back again for more

·        When Ghiaccio’s the one to return the affectionit’s needless to say it’s going to be a little more rough than intended – he mightnot mean to be but his kisses are always a little harder than usual, not thathis S/O minds of course but when they want him to be softer he’ll definitely bea more gentle with his kisses after a particularly long rant – they’ll startoff incredibly rough but the more they pull him back in the more lazy andsloppy he’ll get with the kisses until the two of them are simply laying therefondly exchanging kisses with surprising gentleness

Melone

·        Melone absolutely adores being affectionate withhis S/O so if they love physical affection then it’s definitely a bonus for him– afterall it just gives him more free reign to express things to them becausehe knows he won’t need to worry about making them uncomfortable with all of thephysical contact and lets him know straight away that they definitely enjoy allof the affection he gives them

·        He’s a sucker for affection himself so anyaffectionate gestures that they give him are most certainly welcomed with a slysmile, he’ll be pretty smug when they’re in an incredibly clingy and lovablemood too, teasing them for being so keen to cuddle with him although if theyeven dare to move once they’ve initiated it he’ll be pulling them right back infor more

·        He has a tendency to simply come over to themwhen they’re sat down on the sofa or lying on the bed and simply flop downbeside them, resting his head against their shoulder as he watches over whatthey’re doing (such as if they’re reading a book) with varying levels ofinterest; eventually though he’ll just flat out roll over and rest himselfdirectly on their chest, wrapping his arms around them and looking up at thempractically begging for them to show him attention and he’ll be blatantlygrinning as they oblige him with a kiss

·        Almost every time they’re together Melone willwant to be affectionate with his S/O in some way or form because to himaffection is a major necessity in a relationship, this will obviously lead tohim demanding affection at inopportune times and if they aren’t affectionatefor a while S/O can bet that he’ll get up and find them so he can make up forthe lack of cuddles and kisses with even more cuddles and kisses

Pesci

·        Pesci’s size alone makes him the ideal cuddlebuddy or just ideal showing affection to in general, of course he’s always alittle flustered when his S/O’s so open with expressing physical affection but he’llstill return the affection especially kisses; he’ll most definitely go bright redin the face if they do this in public though, even more so when they call himout on this

·        Just holding hands with him will keep this boyhappy he’s incredibly easy to please in the aspect of physical affection but heloves when his partner gives him love so long as it isn’t overwhelming all atonce, just consistent pecks and nuzzles as they hug is more than enough to helphim relax and be a little less jumpy at their advances (unless they actually dojump on him because he is very tall so they’re either going to have to jump orhe’s going to have to bed down so that they’re face to face)

·        Out of all of La Squadra he is the mostcomfortable to cuddle with and hug – his size alone makes him incredibly warmto the touch and once he wraps his arms around his S/O they’ll practically meltinto him because of how surprisingly soft he is; Pesci loves being able to curlup around his partner and just let them do as they please, resting his head ontheir shoulder to nuzzle into their neck when they do something really cute

·        Having an incredibly affectionate S/O is overallgoing to be great for him given that there will most certainly be periods of self-doubtand such where he wonders if he’s good enough for his partner, and in thesecases physical affection accompanied with reassurances are going to do just thetrick to chase these negative moments away; he’ll definitely appreciate thisand he’ll gladly hold them close and let them know just how appreciated theironslaughts of physical affection are

Prosciutto

·        You’d imagine that with Prosciutto he’d be oneto prefer more muted expresses of affection that aren’t too much but you wouldbe very wrong – he adores being physically affectionate with his partner andbeing close to them whenever he has the chance to do so, which is why he adoreshaving an S/O who also prefers it as it means cuddles and kisses are going tobe an everyday occurrence that the two of them both enjoy

·        While he would feign indifference to suchactions during the initial stages of their relationship since he doesn’t wantto come off as clingy but once he learns how physically affectionate they arethey can be sure that he’ll reciprocate and show them all of the attention andaffection that they could ever want because he enjoys it just as much; he won’topenly cling to them like Melone does though, but he’s definitely up there as oneof the more physically affectionate members of La Squadra with his partner

·        When S/O comes up to him asking for affectionwhile he’s working on something he won’t turn them away if he can help it, ifhe’s too busy he’ll calmly explain to them that he can’t at the moment but he’llmake up for it when he has free time; however if he’s simply working on somepaperwork or has some time to spare then he’ll let them perch themselves in hislap or just sit by his side, cuddling up with him or resting their head on hisshoulder as he works and he’ll turn to give them the occasional peck on thelips or run a hand up and down their side

·        During the times where he does have the chanceto spend some time with them then he’ll prefer being able to just tangle togetherso that they’re closer together and he can hold them and cuddle with them asmuch as they want, just being able to have them near him makes him feel a lotmore at ease and relaxed and it’s arguably one of the best ways to end a day

Illuso

·        Illuso is quite…in the middle about physicalaffection – don’t get him wrong he enjoys being able to freely express hisaffections to his partner through physical contact however it pretty much comesdown to the type of mood that he’s in; when he’s in a sour mood he very muchwants the attention and love from his S/O however he’ll need to calm himselfdown or at least cheer himself up a little before he can actually appreciatetheir hugs and words of comfort

·        He has a preference for his S/O coming up behindhim and wrapping their arms around his midsection, he isn’t quite sure why but receivingback hugs from them are comforting and he’ll place his hands on their forearms,rubbing them to wordlessly show his appreciation; he’ll be sure to give themhugs too, allowing his head to rest on their shoulder or head depending ontheir height as he speaks to them – this is most likely the way he greets themcoming home too

·        Kisses aren’t as common when in a relationshipwith him since he’ll mostly reserve them for when the two of them are alonetogether and where he can be more at ease showing them more open levels of physicalaffection; nights spent together just cuddled up on the couch are probablygoing to be a relatively common thing with the two of them and it isn’t surprisingthat they often fall asleep like this exchanging kisses on their lips, cheeksand neck

·        If the two of them are resting together reallylate at night or during the early hours of the morning Illuso will be a lotmore affectionate with his S/O than he is most of the time, he won’t have hisguard up and will probably spend the first few hours of the morning justtangled up with them and the bed sheets as he runs his hands idly along them,smirking a little as they bring a hand up themselves to comb through his hairwhich undoubtedly became messed up from being left unchecked

Formaggio

·        Formaggio loves having a physically affectionateS/O, he doesn’t mind the onslaught of kisses and cuddles one bit and - in fact heencourages it by returning them albeit in a far more relaxed and laid backmanner compared to S/O’s lovable and passionate attitude

·        He enjoys having them curled up on his chestwhenever the two of them are laid down together, relishing in the feeling oftheir lips peppering soft little kisses across his face as he allows his handsto run up and down their back; he likes nothing more than spending his free timewith his S/O like this however be warned, should they do this at his placethere may or may not be a chance where his cat’s ruining the fun by jumpingbetween the two and promptly stealing his partner’s attention away from him(S/O might even do this on purpose just to see the unamused smirk which makesitself known on his face)

·        S/O could practically hang off of him and showerhim with affection and he’d be pretty chill with it, letting them do what theywant and chuckling at how cute they look as they nuzzle the back of his neckand kiss his cheeks from where they are

·        Although S/O can be sure that he’s going to be atease with them every once in a while, playful swooping down for a kiss only topull away at the last minute and act as though nothing happened, getting a kickout of his partners pout as they pull him back down to finish what he soteasingly started

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

If it's not too much to ask? Could you maybe do a post with your favorite vs least favorite characters/relationships on SOA? And why you like/dislike them?

Of course it’s not too much to ask. I love being able to discuss SOA because it’s one of my favourite shows and I rarely get the opportunity to do so. 

Before I start, I should state for the record that considering I love SOA so much, weirdly I dislike most of the main characters and relationships. I think it’s mostly because of the nature of the show, so many of the characters are immoral and actually pretty evil, so I find it hard to connect with them. And likewise most of the relationships are extremely volatile and full of betrayal and violence. So I feel it’s important to say, the characters and ships I choose will be based upon how much I like them, because there are so many brilliantly, complex and well written characters and ships but I still dislike them. Similarly, some of the characters/ships I like aren’t necessarily the best written ones. 

Also a little pre-warning, this is going to be VERY long. I mean ridiclously long haha.

Most liked characters: 

Jax: Is it really any surprise that he’s first on the list? Honestly, I love Jax with every fiber of my being. He’s just that character for me that I fell in love with from the very beginning. I’ve kind of already explored the depth of Jax’s character in response to my other SOA asks and that is really a big part of why I love him. He was so utterly complex, so multi-layered and real. He wasn’t restricted to just being one thing, to being a stereotype of what a gangster is. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he was the things you’d expect a gangster to be: quick tempered, dangerous, ruthless, vengeful and violent, yet he was always allowed to be so much more than that. He was also loving, broken, passionate, kind and sensitive. He was a criminal, an outlaw, a member of a gang, but he was also a father, a friend, a mommy’s boy, his father’s son. Throughout the show he was constantly changing and evolving, facing new challenges and learning new things about himself and life. The journey went on was so real and although my world is a world away from his, there was something that was always so relatable about him. I think it’s because ultimately he was just a young man that was lost and trying to find his path in life. He was constantly trying to move forwards, to go in the direction he thought he should be taking, but as each day came along that direction changed and he’d adapt to take a new path. And in that way, Jax had it so much harder than perhaps a lot of others who are trying to find themselves and find their purpose, simply because of the messiness of the life he was trapped in. It was a life he couldn’t escape, even if he wanted to, but in his heart he didn’t really want to escape anyway. I love that internal struggle he had within himself of being torn between the club and his family, the man he wanted to be and the man he needed to be, between leading the life he knew he should and the life he wanted. This post shows that perfectly (x) and ultimately, that’s all Jax ever wanted - to find the balance between his family and the club, but he could never connect the dots, he could never make it work and in the end he died to make it happen. But I also love that contradiction of Jax. That one moment he could be brutally murdering someone and the next he was cuddling his son and telling him he loved him. I love that even through all of the shit he suffered and the lifestyle he endured, he still managed to keep the big heart that he always had deep down inside of him. He still had the capacity for love, compassion and he wanted to do good. There’s also a couple of amazing posts that really sum up my love for Jax probably in a shorter and better way than I could ever explain. (x)(x)

Chibs: What’s not to like about Chibs? He was loyal to his core, a genuine and honest person that always stood by the club and his brothers, that took care of Jax when he needed it most and stepped up to the gavel when Jax was gone, despite the fact that he really didn’t want to. In comparison to some of the other members, he was a real man where what you saw is what you got. 

Venus: What an absolute darling of a character. Not only was she the only (as far as I can remember) LGBTQ+ character featured on the show, she had so much charisma and was a joy to watch. Whenever she had a scene I was glued to my screen. She brought a vibrance and vitality to the show, yet also a sense of raw emotion through sharing her tragic backstory. Her struggle in being who she was, her abusive and exploitative relationship with her mother, desire to give her son a better future and her complex and beautiful relationship with Tig were all wonderful things to watch unfold. And to say she was such a minor character in comparison to others on the show, she was so significant to me and the writers did a brilliant job in developing her. 

Wendy: I feel like this might be a surprising choice, but I actually really liked Wendy. My first impressions of her was that she was the scum of the earth, which is not surprising since the first time we see her, she’s heavily pregnant and about to inject herself with drugs. Her drug habit meant that her son almost died and as born prematurely with two life threatening health conditions. In reality, she was a pathetic junkie, but she started to slowly win me over through the course of season 1 because I saw that she was nothing more than an addict. Unlike Jax, Gemma, Clay or any of the other characters, she was not a bad person. She wasn’t a murderer or a criminal or a monster, she didn’t hurt people or scheme or lie. She was a woman that was addicted to one of the most highly addictive substances in the world and that sheer strength of dependency took over everything else about her character. But even in those early days I saw a woman that loved her son and husband, was remorseful for her actions and genuinely wanted to get clean so she could fix things with her family. Even when she was attempting to scheme to get Jax back or see Abel, she was never actually capable of lying. In season 1 when Gemma was deliberately trying to push Wendy and Jax back together to get Tara out of the picture, Wendy eventually told Tara the truth. She warned Tara that Gemma would never let her be with Jax and that she should get out whilst she was still alive. Similarly when she returned in season 4 with the intent of seeing Abel, she was mature and considerate enough to approach Tara first to discuss it. Whenever she did try and threaten Jax and Tara it was always empty and she could never go through with it. In season 6, she teamed up with Tara to protect her son from the club and despite her absence she proved that she cared about Abel. By the time we got to the final season Wendy had more than proved that she had completely transformed her life. She was a responsible, caring and giving mother and with Tara gone she took on Thomas as her own as well as Abel. She never once undermined Tara’s role as mother to Abel and was always completely respectful of it, despite the fact that she could’ve immediately jumped in and overrode every memory Abel had of Tara to prop herself up as being his only mother. Despite the fact that she always loved Jax and still did, she never forced herself on him, understanding that he was still grieving for Tara and instead she was just there to support him when he needed it. Jax told Abel that Wendy was his biological mother, because he saw just how far she’d came and he knew that she wasn’t going anywhere again. That was a huge deal for Jax and proved just how far she’d came. His last words to her were actually, “You’re a good mother, Wendy.” Like, honestly, Wendy came so far from where she began and her struggle is completely overlooked. Addiction is probably one of the hardest things to overcome in the entire world and she did it. 

Nero: When Nero came onto the show in season 5 he was honestly like a breath of fresh air. Yet again, just like Wendy, he wasn’t perfect and he was involved in the outlaw life, but he was still a genuinely good guy. He treated Gemma with so much love and respect, he always did right by her and from the get go he was such a gentleman in every single way. Even though he ran an escort business he really took care of his girls and was always concerned about how they were treated. The level of care and compassion he had was proven by the fact that he took Venus under his wing. He was under no obligation to do that, Venus’ mother was merely one of his employees, but he did it anyway. He took on a troubled young lady that was coming to terms with her identity and he protected and nurtured her. He was honorable and even though he always wanted to be with Gemma, when Jax made a deal with him to open a new business with him as long as Nero stayed away from Gemma, Nero honored that deal. And speaking of Jax, he always navigated such a positive relationship with him, taking him on as a sort of son and guiding him in any way he could. He protected the club numerous times and even worked with the Mayans to help out the club and negotiate. Even when Jax told him that he was going to kill Gemma, Nero didn’t scream or shout or tell Jax he couldn’t, he simply listened, comforted Jax and explained that he understand why it had to be done. He was such a good guy through to his core and the fact that at the end he was seen driving out of town with Wendy, Abel and Thomas further solidifies that fact. Despite Jax having killed the woman he loved and Wendy, Abel and Thomas not being his family or his responsibility, he still sacrificed his entire life in order to leave town with them and help them start a new life away from Charming. Because of Nero, Jax could die knowing that his sons would have a safe, happy life free from the horror he knew. Nero was honestly a hero in every single way. 

Half-Sack: He was only on the show for the first two seasons, unfortunately, but he was such a sweetheart. Honestly, what’s not to like about Sack? He brought a lightheartedness and sense of laughter to the show and even though it was a side relationship, I loved seeing him with Cherry. I was constantly overwhelmed with the urge to wrap him up in a blanket and just protect him. He never really seemed to fit into the club because he was different - he was softer and sweeter than the others. I mean, this is a guy that threw up everywhere because he couldn’t stand to cut a deer in half. He was the butt of everyone’s jokes because he was the baby of the group, but he proved himself as being a worthy member. He was loyal, he was fair and although he came across as being a coward, when he was put in situations he proved himself to be  more than brave. In the end he showed the ultimate act of bravery and selflessness - he died protecting Abel. He quite literally ran into a knife to protect Jax’s son. He died a hero. 

Chuck: Another character, just like Half-Sack, that brought laughter to the show. I think with how dark the show was, the humour Chuck brought to it was very necessary. Then there’s the fact that he overcame being passed around like an unwanted and broken toy from gang to gang and actually managed to find a place he belonged in the club. He wasn’t a member, but he did play a part and the others grew to like and accept him as one of them on some level. He was sweet, he was appreciative of what the club did for him and he was weirdly wonderful. 

Least liked characters:

Stahl: Seriously, did anyone like this bitch? She was vindictive, cunning and quite frankly the biggest hypocrite in existence. Her one singular drive and purpose was to bring SAMCRO down, but she was just as dirty and immoral as they were. She killed in cold blood, she manipulated and she cheated the law multiple times. There might’ve been a heart somewhere deep down inside her stony exterior, but we certainly never got to see it. The funniest part is that she was always so hard-faced, so cocky and arrogant and in her final moments when Opie had a gun pointed at her head she fell to pieces and showed herself to be nothing more than a pathetic coward. 

Tig: I honestly don’t know how Tig is so well liked. I despised him. He was basically just Clay’s puppy dog. He did and said what Clay told him, regardless of whether it was the right thing for the club. He betrayed his brothers without question if Clay asked him to. He was going to kill Opie and in the process killed Donna. He kissed Gemma and almost slept with her despite her being Clay’s wife (really loyal, Tiggy!) and I just found him to be such a snake. The only times I actually liked him was when he was with Venus. 

Juice: Again, I find Juice to be so overrated. I just never connected to him. He never really had a voice in the club and seemed to never outgrow that position as being the baby of the club. All of the characters suffered, but I got so sick of Juice’s constant self pity. He was always sitting around feeling sorry for himself and he never seemed to step up or do anything to resolve his problems. I understand that he thought he was doing the right thing when he covered for Gemma, but it was completely wrong and he only really owned up to it when Jax made him. I just always saw Juice as being a product of the club, a puppet that they used and molded to their shape, but he was never actually his own person with his own personality. 

Gemma: This is the perfect example of one of the best written villains of all time. I mean, Gemma is so complex and unique and utterly complicated. There would’ve been no SOA without Gemma, but god, I hated her. To be honest, I think if you didn’t hate Gemma at some point then Sutter had failed in his job. She was supposed to make you red with rage and frustration. In a way she was the ultimate villain across the entire series, because pretty much everything bad that happened was connected to her or created by her in some way. She was so conniving, vindictive, poisonous, manipulative and narcissistic. Everything was about her and what she wanted all the time. She wasn’t capable of selfless thought or consideration of any kind. She justified all of her actions by insisting she was doing it for her family, for the club, but in reality it was only about her having her power and having things go exactly the way she wanted. Even with Jax, she was a horrible person. She was always forced him to do things her way and got aggressive if he did something she didn’t like and when she wasn’t doing that she was as sweet as pie giving him advice and mothering him, but there was usually always an ulterior motive. As a mother she was overbrearing and completely controlling. It wasn’t the kind of nurturing selfless love a mother should have for her child, it was obsessive and toxic. The way she was with Jax is what shaped his entire life and her being his mother is the reason he lost all he lost and died so young. I mean, she did so many terrible things that I couldn’t even attempt to name them, but her murdering Tara was the final straw. There was just no coming back from that. It’s not even the fact that she killed Tara, because there was so many inside killings throughout the series and in her mind she had a completely valid reason to do it, because she believed Tara had betrayed the family. It was because of the sheer brutality of it. That scene will forever haunt me, because I’ve never seen a murder that violent on TV ever. If she wanted Tara dead she could’ve shot her in the head, she could’ve stabbed her once in the head, but she didn’t. She literally beat her, grabbed her by her hair and dragged her, hit her over the head with an iron, punched her in the face, smacked her head off the kithen counter, drowned her in the sink and repeatedly stabbed her in the head with a fork, six times to be exact. She didn’t just kill Tara, she destroyed her. The part of that scene that strikes me the most is that Gemma had so many chances to stop. As she was holding Tara’s head under that water and Tara was struggling, literally fighting for her life any normal person would’ve stopped in that situation and realised what they were doing, but not Gemma. Instead she picked up that fork and stabbed her. No one else on the show has ever committed a murder of that nature. It was on another level. The unparalleled hatred and rage and just sheer barbarism was actually terrifying to witness. To me that just confirmed that Gemma was truly evil, right through to her core, in a way none of the other characters were. 

Bobby: Don’t get me wrong, I never hated Bobby in the same way as some of the characters I’ve already listed, but I just never cared for him. I didn’t love him, I didn’t like him, I didn’t care when he died. I found him to be a very similar character to Tig and saw him to be another of Clay’s lap dogs, but he just wasn’t as extreme as Tig. 

Tara: I actually feel so terrible for even including Tara on this list, like it honestly feels like a betrayal. I know  I should love her, but I just don’t. I’ve never really known why, but she always annoyed the hell out of me. I liked her most in season 6, because how could I do anything but respect the hell out of her for the lengths she was willing to go to in order to protect her sons? But the rest of the time, I found myself gritting my teeth in frustration. She always tried to be high and mighty and pass herself off as being better than the club, but in reality, she became just another one of them. She started off slagging Gemma off rotten, but in the end she let herself be manipulated by her. When she attacked Margaret that was the moment for me that I really disliked her, because that wasn’t Tara, it was Gemma. She let Gemma brainwash her into believing that was the way to handle things, but Tara knew better. Tara had the capacity to be something more, something better, but she just let herself get dragged down by everyone around her, which was honestly so disappointing. Similar to most of my issues with others on this list, I just felt like she wasn’t always her own person and I just can’t respect or like a character like that. She compromised her integrity, her life, her career, her happiness and ultimately her life because of her love for Jax and I really just wanted her to realise that she deserved better and leave. So I don’t know if she really belongs on this list, because it’s not that I hate her, I just found her annoying sometimes and disliked the decisions she made along with the person she allowed herself to become. 

Clay: Again, I’m not sure if he completely fits onto this list, but my feelings for Clay are similar to my feelings for Gemma. The show wouldn’t have been the same without him and he was such a brilliantly written character, but it was hard not to hate him most of the time. He was so much like Gemma - which is probably why they fell in love in the first place - and he only cared about establishing his own power. He killed JT and stole his wife, when he was supposed to be his best friend, he was quick to throw Jax under the bus when Jax started to threaten him despite the fact that it was his stepson and brother, he ordered a hit on Opie and got Donna killed in the process, he killed Piney in cold blood and ordered a hit on Tara to stop his secret that he killed JT getting out. But the thing that made me dislike Clay the most is that unlike Jax, he worked his ass off to preserve and protect the outlaw life of the club. He wanted to keep running guns and being involved in the gang business and that’s also why he opposed Jax, because Jax wanted to make the club legit and he would’ve done anything to stop that. 

Most liked relationships

Venus and Tig: Strange choice considering Tig is one of my least liked characters, but as I already said, I adored him with Venus. It was such a unique and different relationship than anything I’d ever seen before. I mean, a transgender woman and a cis male biker from a criminal gang. Their relationship touched me in such a real way and it was such a genuine and beautiful connection between two lost and damaged souls. I just loved them together. 

Clay and Gemma: How could I not include this one on the list? Regardless of the fact that I disagreed with almost all of their decisions and disliked them a lot of the time because of the terrible shit they did, they were the mommy and daddy of SAMCRO and the entire show. Clay and Gemma together were a powerhouse, they really were. And ignoring how sour their relationship became towards the end, it was actually a very loving and respectful relationship. Clay had the weight of the world on his shoulders in being president and he trusted Gemma with all of his fears and reservations. She was his confidante and the person he turned to for everything, she carried him. Likewise, Gemma relied on Clay to be her protector, her man. That’s what was always strange about Gemma. She was a powerful and strong woman, but part of her always needed and wanted to have a man that she considered to be strong and powerful, that could protect her and keep her safe. Despite their narcissism and lust for power, I believe they genuinely loved each other. In fact, some of their most human and tender moments were the ones they shared with each other. And they never stopped loving each other. Gemma understood that after everything he’d done she had to let him go, but even when he died she was heartbroken. As for Clay, he never stopped trying to get her back and he did prove that he was capable of real selfless love when it came to Gemma. I guess sometimes two wrongs make a right and that’s how it was with Gemma and Clay. 

Gemma and Nero: A slight contradiction, but hey, I’m allowed to like two opposing ships. What I loved about Gemma and Nero is that it was a complete change in dynamic from Gemma and Clay, but it still worked. After how toxic things got in the end with Clay and Gemma, seeing Nero and Gemma was so refreshing. Despite the issues I have with Gemma, I believe she was an extremely damaged person and part of that stemmed from the fact that she really just wanted and needed to be loved. And Nero gave that to her. Clay did too, but Nero was a kinder, gentler soul and he genuinely just cared for Gemma in such a sweet way. He respected her, he was selfless with her, he make decisions that were the best thing for her and he was devoted to her completely. Unlike Clay he always cared for Jax simply because he was Gemma’s son and he accepted him as a part of Gemma. And we got to see a different side to Gemma when she was with Nero. She was always so quick tempered and fiery and he balanced her out. He calmed her down, helped her see reason and make better decisions. Gemma definitely needed someone like that in her life. 

Jax and Opie: What is there to say about these two? They’re the ultimate brotherhood. True best friends and brothers. They really were two halves of the same person and we saw that when Opie died. Jax just wasn’t the same without him, he lost himself completely. Out of all the friendships and brotherhoods amongst the members in the club, I always perceived theirs to be so personal and genuine. Even if they weren’t in the club they’d still be meeting up every other day and going out on their bikes. They couldn’t live without each other. It was a genuine soul friendship and even though I had my issues with the way Opie took Clay’s side in the Jax vs. Clay battle, when it came down to it Opie was loyal to Jax 100% and vice versa. Opie proved that when he gave up his life for Jax’s.

Jax and Chibs: Another BROTP. Chibs was the most fiercely loyal friend of Jax’s, even more so than Opie in a lot of ways. He backed Jax’s corner EVERY SINGLE TIME without question. He always rooted for him to be president and once he was he did everything to protect him and help him reach his goals. He was by Jax’s side until the very end, he was the one that guided Jax, that was his true second and without Chibs Jax probably wouldn’t have made it to where he did. Even though Jax was his best friend and he didn’t want to lose him, Chibs made the club give the Mayhem vote on Jax because he knew that’s what Jax wanted and that’s how much of a good friend he was. Also, Chibs became president after Jax’s death and he was the one that ensured the club grew into what Jax envisioned and fought for, which was the ultimat tribute to Jax. Their friendship was just so genuine and pure, and a true example of loyalty. 

Jax and Wendy: I know that Wendy wasn’t the love of Jax’s life and they had their issues, but I couldn’t help but love Jax and Wendy together. They just had so much history and there was a genuine love there, even if it was stronger on Wendy’s part. Jax showed Wendy forgiveness in season 1 even after everything that happened with Abel and he genuinely cared about her as his wife and mother of his child. He wanted her to get clean and be a part of Abel’s life. By the end of the series they developed into something so sweet. I adored them in season 7 for similiar reasons why I loved Gemma and Nero - they were just a breath of fresh air after watching the dramatic ups and downs of Jax and Tara for 6 seasons. They had an undeniable chemistry and their love scenes always felt so genuine and emotional to me. Wendy never stopped loving Jax and in the end, Jax grew to love Wendy even more profoundly through her being his support and being a real mother to his kids. 

Half-Sack and Cherry: I know they were only a minor relationship, but I really enjoyed seeing them together. They were the two underdogs, the ones that didn’t quite fit in and weren’t accepted in the club life, but they were desperate to and they just found something in one another. They really deserved a chance at happiness, to be honest. 

Least liked relationships

Gemma and Tara: This was one of the worst relationships to ever happen. It was the most toxic and twisted relationship right from the very start. Gemma hated Tara and was always scheming against her so as to break her and Jax up. And even when Gemma finally accepted Tara, she was constantly trying to change Tara and make Tara more like her. She over-stepped the mark where it came to Jax and she interfered too much with the kids and she ended up murdering her in cold blood. Gemma basically destroyed Tara in every single way a person can destroy another person. 

I think that’s it. I don’t really have any other relationships that I really don’t like. Sorry this is so ridiculously long, but I wanted to make sure I included everything. If you don’t even manage to read it, I’ll completely understand, because this is another level lmao. 

[gyrlversion]

JAN MOIR: Surely not another coffee shop clogging up the high street

Someone please make it stop. It was revealed this week that four new coffee shops open in Britain every day, with another 6,500 scheduled to open by 2023.

This effectively means that in four years’ time there will be more than 32,000 coffee shops clogging up UK streets, most of them faceless outposts of the international chains. And you won’t get a halfway decent cup of coffee in most of them.

What seems to be the problem, ma’am? Only that despite their ubiquity, the offerings from the majority of coffee chains veer from the bland and forgettable to the downright bad or unpleasant.

It was revealed this week that four new coffee shops open in Britain every day, with another 6,500 scheduled to open by 2023 – most of which are big chains like Cafe Nero

And please, barista, make sure the water is scalding hot so that it peels the skin off my hand when spilled, thank you kindly. Any chance of a stale blueberry muffin, an inferior sandwich assembled at some far distant central facility, or a factory-made, microwaved croissant that tastes like a buttery floor cloth? Well, don’t mind if I don’t.

I used to buy a coffee on my way to work most mornings, sometimes from a chain, occasionally from a fancy but glum independent which sells cinnamon buns for a fiver and a tiny latte for £3.

‘With not very good latte art,’ someone moaned on a review website recently. As if that were the deal breaker, instead of the adventurous pricing, the double depresso service and the grim coffees that make the whole process such a cheerless, expensive waste of time.

Now I have fresh coffee at home, instant at work and have cut the chains out of my life. Cry freedom from the tyranny of the frappuccino fiends! I might buy myself a small Cessna jet with the money saved.

Yet despite the lack of quality on offer, coffee shops are now everywhere. And, sadly, their unstoppable proliferation — along with vaping shops, tattoo parlours, charity shops and shops that sell covers for your mobile phone — is turning British High Streets into windblown tundras, bereft of the tiniest waft of culture or beauty.

The Starbucks Venti is just a pint of coffee in a charmless mug or a cardboard coffin, Moir writes

And there is still little end in sight to the expansion of chains such as Caffe Nero, Costa, Greggs, Pret A Manger (actually, I love Pret) and Starbucks, to name a few. Obviously, selling 11 grams of coffee and a shot of hot milk for £2 plus is a lucrative business for all involved.

Today, coffee chains are like burger chains, complete with lots of advertising campaigns, central sites and huge rents to pay. In prime positions in every High Street, they are the most visible representation of our changing culture and they continue to boom as pubs go bust. Why? Younger people are drinking less, while Britain’s mix of ethnicities and religions has also had an effect — especially when one considers 56 per cent of non-whites declare themselves teetotal, compared to only 16 per cent of whites.

Beer duty and business rates have also taken their toll on pubs, where demanding customers now want craft beers, silly gins, food and their ghastly children to be admitted.

So coffee has surged into this vacuum, and who could blame it?

I pass eight coffee outlets on my walk to work, including Danish chain Joe & The Juice. What the heck is that all about? Joe seems to be full of silent young people tapping away on phones and laptops.

Bonhomie and conversational skills have been washed away by technology, amid the atmosphere of a trendy morgue.

Their advertising campaign suggests the ideal Joe customer is an attractive Nordic skateboarder with a lizard tattoo. All the better to raise your glass of Sex Me Up juice (please, no) along with your avo wrap and turmeric shots.

Perhaps it’s not them, it’s me? Yet there is still a place in my heart for the good, independent coffee shop. When I first moved to London, how I loved those Italian coffee places with their hissing machines and great walls of sandwiches in glass cabinets, generously stuffed with about three inches of egg mayonnaise or crammed with ham.

In prime positions in every High Street, the chains are expanding exponentially and replacing pubs because younger people are drinking less

In Cornwall, imaginative independents thrive, such as the Honey Pot in Penzance and the Cook Book Cafe in St Just, where the owner makes heavenly sandwiches with bacon from her own pigs.

To walk into any of the Bettys Tea Rooms in Yorkshire is to be assailed with the aromas from another age: fresh baking, savoury toast, roasted coffee beans. And, oh, the civility could make you weep. Tablecloths, milk jugs, sugar tongs, a smile.

There is no comparison between a lovely coffee served in a perfect china cup and saucer at Brasserie Zedel in Central London and a monstrosity such as the Starbucks Venti — over a pint of coffee in a charmless mug or a cardboard coffin.

So, hello darkness my old friend. I’ve come to drink you up again. Although not in a chain, never in a chain, even as they become increasingly hard to avoid.

Don’t shed a tear for evergreen Eva

Eva Green revealed she feels insecure about reaching her 40s next year because acting ‘depends on the desire’ of others

Eva Green is an exquisite beauty. However, at the age of 38, the actress (pictured) is worried about the ageing process.

Eva, a word. Only when one gets older — much, much older — will you truly understand what a perfect age 38 is and how lucky you are to be perched there, on the cliff face of life. Most of the early angst is over, but you are still pre-40 watershed. Make the most of it!

Yet Eva feels insecure about reaching her 40s next year because acting ‘depends on the desire’ of others. ‘Will people still like me?’ she frets.

Possibly not, if you carry on like this, darling.

But let us not mock Eva, for I honestly believe the ageing process is so much harder on the beautiful and the damned.

If you have been used to the warm and appreciative male gaze all your life, it must feel very chilly when it begins to fade.

The gain of feeling no pain

You might not believe this, but there is a woman in Scotland who feels no pain and never complains. No, it’s not me.

Her chemical imbalance means that she is also always in a good mood, which means she is definitely not me and neither is she Lorraine Kelly, who admitted last week in a tax hearing that her super-cheery on-screen persona was fake. (Can I just pause here to mention that Lorraine has also just revealed that she never takes off her bra, not even when she goes to bed, which is even more shocking.)

Jo Cameron is the remarkable woman whose unusual gene mutations stop pain signals reaching her brain. For 71-year-old Jo, childbirth was a breeze; she only needed aspirin for a painful operation; she walked away from a serious car accident, and she munches on scotch bonnet peppers as if they were plums. When she was a little girl, she didn’t even notice she had broken her arm roller-skating.

Jo Cameron (left) has led a virtually pain-free life due to a rare genetic mutation that affects just one in several million

It makes you strong, but it also makes you weak. She had no indication that her hip was crumbling, or that osteoarthritis had pushed a thumb bone into her palm.

Experts believe her condition is only found once in every several million people and she is now helping medical experts explore the parameters of pain management, especially for those who suffer chronic pain after surgery. In a way, I’m glad that she discovered this at a late age — one can only imagine what medical science might have wanted her to do earlier.

What a remarkable story. She has never felt pain in her life, but I bet she still runs screaming from the room when someone mentions Brexit. Or Lorraine’s bra.

 Havana truly bizarre time

Has there ever been a more hilarious royal tour than the Duke and Duchess of Cornwall’s recent 12-day jaunt to the Caribbean? Every second was a joy, for us — not them.

The sprightly septuagenarians crammed more than 70 engagements into a schedule that seemed to leave rigid royal protocol behind and had the pair of them shambling around the islands like a couple of crumpled pensioners on a Saga cruise.

Highlights included Charles striding along the sand in his beach brogues, Camilla looking like a discarded sweetie wrapper at his side and about a thousand cheesy photo ops, including one in Cuba where they actually did eat actual cheese.

Prince Charles and Camilla make a mojito on their trip to Havana, Cuba, this week

There were moments when it was more like an episode of Flog It! than a royal visit. The couple tootled around in a classic car, then sat next to a statue of John Lennon, Camilla visibly wilting gently under a parasol. They learned how to make a mojito cocktail (above) and sampled their work. ‘That hit the spot,’ said Camilla, after a long gulp. Charles used a sugar cane treadle, posed with a parrot, got into a boxing ring and looked like he was having the time of his life, even if he was not.

Looking thrilled at municipal events is his superpower. He even met Lionel Richie at the Coral Reef Club Hotel in Barbados and greeted him with a line from one of his hits.

‘Hello,’ said the Prince. ‘It must have been you I was looking for.’

Close, but no Cuban cigar, you dear old thing.

At Reading University, food scientist Dr Stuart Farrimond claims to have discovered the recipe for the perfect toasted cheese sandwich. In his formula, two medium slices of white bread are toasted on both sides, then buttered right to the edges. 

Then he adds 50g (1.8oz) of grated medium cheese, a splash of Worcestershire sauce, and places them exactly 18cm (7in) under the grill.

Is he COMPLETELY MAD? Everyone knows that you don’t use butter when making cheese on toast, and that you toast the bread on one side only, then add the cheese. 

What kind of savagery is the prof encouraging? Honestly. You simply cannot trust half-boiled eggheads to do anything properly.

Fury from the Madden crowd

Richard Madden fans are troubled. They feel that the actor has been snubbed because he didn’t receive a Bafta nomination for his performance in BBC drama Bodyguard.

Unluckily for Richard Madden, the Bafta nods this year include two of the best male turns in television drama for years, meaning he’ll miss out

His portrayal of protection officer David Budd (pictured) was compelling and one for which he has already won a Golden Globe. But, unluckily for him the Bafta nods this year include two of the best male turns in television drama for years — Hugh Grant as Jeremy Thorpe in A Very British Scandal and Benedict Cumberbatch as Patrick Melrose.

A different class, wouldn’t you say, Sergeant Budd?

The post JAN MOIR: Surely not another coffee shop clogging up the high street appeared first on Gyrlversion.

from WordPress https://www.gyrlversion.net/jan-moir-surely-not-another-coffee-shop-clogging-up-the-high-street/

[foursprout-blog]

If You Can’t Say No, You’re A Slave

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/if-you-cant-say-no-youre-a-slave/

If You Can’t Say No, You’re A Slave

Ryan Holiday’s Instagram

Dov Charney once tried to buy me a car.

I don’t remember what kind of car it was exactly, but I don’t think it was a particularly fancy one—a Hyundai or something like that. And there were some strings, he would buy it, and at some indefinite point in the future I’d have to take over the payments.

Like I said, I don’t remember the exact specifics, but I remember my response: “That’s very generous of you. I appreciate it, but no, thank you. I’m OK.”

It wasn’t just that I was perfectly happy driving a 1997 Volvo with 160,000 miles on it. It was that I have an aversion to debts and entanglements, and however well-meaning the offer was, an entanglement was certainly part of the intention.

In his biography of Lyndon Johnson, Robert Caro tells the story of Johnson attempting to recruit a man named John Hicks to work for him. At a meeting at a diner in Austin, Johnson made his pitch: “I’m going to lend you ten thousand dollars,” he said, “And I want you to take it and buy yourself a Cadillac car. And I want you to move to a better apartment. I want you to be somebody. Furnish the apartment. Get [your wife] a fur coat. I want you to [join some local clubs] and be somebody here in Austin.”

Hicks was surprised. How would I ever pay you back, he asked Johnson. Johnson simply smiled and said, “Johnny, don’t worry about that. You let me worry about that.”

Certainly offers like this are champagne problems. Most people are struggling to get noticed, to get an opportunity at all. To be able to turn down a gift or a job offer is a privilege. Most of us would kill to have a future president offer us a car, and many people need a car, period. Still, this privileged position is not without its perils.

It’s a dangerous game that goes back further than Lyndon Johnson offering a guy a Cadillac. Seneca, the Roman statesman and writer, spoke often about wealthy Romans who have spent themselves into debt and the misery and dependence this created for them. Slavery, he said, often lurks beneath marble and gold. Yet, his own life was defined by these exact debts. With his own fortune, he made large loans to a colony of Britain at rates so high it eventually destroyed their economy. And what was the source of this fortune? The Emperor Nero was manipulatively generous with Seneca, bestowing upon him numerous estates and monetary awards in exchange for his advice and service. Seneca probably could have said no, but after he accepted the first one, the hooks were in. As Nero grew increasingly unstable and deranged, Seneca tried to escape into retirement but he couldn’t. He pushed all the wealth into a pile and offered to give it back with no luck.

Eventually, death—a forced suicide—was the only option. Money in, blood out.

This is only a slightly more dramatic illustration of the trap we find ourselves in. We take out student loans to pay for an education that will get us a job we hope will make those crushing payments worth it. We go to the bank and ask them how much house they’ll let us buy and then we hope two people working every day for the next forty years will prove them right.

All of us regularly say yes unthinkingly, or out of vague attraction, or out of greed or vanity. Because we can’t say no—because we might miss out on something if we did. We think “yes” will let us accomplish more, will give us more of what we want, when in reality it prevents exactly what we seek. All of us waste precious life doing things we don’t like, to prove ourselves to people we don’t respect, and to get things we don’t want.

I read an article a few weeks ago about a law firm in Houston that pays for a private jet for its associates to fly back and forth to California. It was presented as a perk of the job: Housing prices in San Francisco are steep, so this way the employees can enjoy living in Texas while still benefiting from the brisk technology market in California. This isn’t a perk. It’s a bribe, as Upton Sinclair put it. It’s the normalization of an utterly abnormal status quo—one that to sustain, the associates have to work incredibly long hours in an incredibly unpleasant job. But once the hooks are in? It’s hard to get them out.

The reason we work so hard is for “financial freedom.” Somehow we always seem to end up awfully unfree, don’t we? David “DHH” Heinemeier Hansson has talked about the delusion of “Fuck You Money” (having so much you can say, “Fuck you” to people asking you to do stuff you don’t want to do). How many fuck yous are we hearing from these people, he asks. The truth is: Not many. That’s the trap.

The irony of that offer from Dov, I knew, was that he might be giving me a car but part of the reason was to make sure I wouldn’t go anywhere. Stuck with the payments, grateful for the gift, how could I question things? How could I pursue the life I wanted? The answer was that I wouldn’t be able to. And I saw that happen. Other people who hadn’t been able to say no—for personal reasons, for financial reasons, because they didn’t see the strings—to cars or green cards or apartments or positions of power were stuck when the company began to fall apart. As things spun out of control, and lines—ethical and otherwise—were crossed, they were complicit. They were blinded, too, to what they were doing.

The ancient philosophers understood and warned against this. As Epicurus put it, “Self-sufficiency is the greatest of all wealth.” The Stoic philosopher Epictetus has said that “wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.” There is also a story about Socrates. He turned down an invitation from Archelaus, the king of Macedon, because he wanted to “avoid dying a thousand deaths.” Because to him accepting a favor he couldn’t pay back, that created dependency, was worse than death. It was compromising his freedom. It was slavery.

We instinctively grasp the difficulty of Socrates’ position because one of the hardest things to do in life is to say “No.” To invitations, to requests, to obligations, to gifts, and to the stuff that everyone else is doing. Saying yes is so easy…and it feels so good.

Even harder is saying no to less obvious impositions: getting caught up in the status of the job, normalizing yourself at a certain level, the drama, the rush. Why are so many bands from the 70s and 80s still on the road? It’s not only the money, it’s that they need the adulation of the crowd. They can’t go back to regular life. Neither can most of us once we have tasted the forbidden fruits of power or fame or being needed.

Freedom is the most important thing. We’re born with it, and yet many of us wake up one day surprised at the chains we wear. The reason? Because we said yes too many times and never learned how to say no.

Only a free person can decline. Preserving this power is essential.

It’s the difference between a life of subservience and a life of your own, as Lady Bird Johnson, LBJ’s wife knew and often struggled with herself. As Robert Caro wrote, she came to visit John Hicks after he had politely refused her husband’s offer, to let him know she respected, even admired his decision. Because she “had seen other people take their ten thousand dollars and had seen what happened to them.” But Hicks had escaped, as Socrates had escaped, as the brilliant photographer Bill Cunningham escaped and basically all the people who have done truly great work have escaped.

Because if you can’t say no, you’re not powerful or free. You’re a slave.

Like to Read? I’ve created a list of 15 books you’ve never heard of that will alter your worldview and help you excel at your career. Get the secret book list here!

[foursprouthappiness-blog]

If You Can’t Say No, You’re A Slave

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/if-you-cant-say-no-youre-a-slave/

If You Can’t Say No, You’re A Slave

Ryan Holiday’s Instagram

Dov Charney once tried to buy me a car.

I don’t remember what kind of car it was exactly, but I don’t think it was a particularly fancy one—a Hyundai or something like that. And there were some strings, he would buy it, and at some indefinite point in the future I’d have to take over the payments.

Like I said, I don’t remember the exact specifics, but I remember my response: “That’s very generous of you. I appreciate it, but no, thank you. I’m OK.”

It wasn’t just that I was perfectly happy driving a 1997 Volvo with 160,000 miles on it. It was that I have an aversion to debts and entanglements, and however well-meaning the offer was, an entanglement was certainly part of the intention.

In his biography of Lyndon Johnson, Robert Caro tells the story of Johnson attempting to recruit a man named John Hicks to work for him. At a meeting at a diner in Austin, Johnson made his pitch: “I’m going to lend you ten thousand dollars,” he said, “And I want you to take it and buy yourself a Cadillac car. And I want you to move to a better apartment. I want you to be somebody. Furnish the apartment. Get [your wife] a fur coat. I want you to [join some local clubs] and be somebody here in Austin.”

Hicks was surprised. How would I ever pay you back, he asked Johnson. Johnson simply smiled and said, “Johnny, don’t worry about that. You let me worry about that.”

Certainly offers like this are champagne problems. Most people are struggling to get noticed, to get an opportunity at all. To be able to turn down a gift or a job offer is a privilege. Most of us would kill to have a future president offer us a car, and many people need a car, period. Still, this privileged position is not without its perils.

It’s a dangerous game that goes back further than Lyndon Johnson offering a guy a Cadillac. Seneca, the Roman statesman and writer, spoke often about wealthy Romans who have spent themselves into debt and the misery and dependence this created for them. Slavery, he said, often lurks beneath marble and gold. Yet, his own life was defined by these exact debts. With his own fortune, he made large loans to a colony of Britain at rates so high it eventually destroyed their economy. And what was the source of this fortune? The Emperor Nero was manipulatively generous with Seneca, bestowing upon him numerous estates and monetary awards in exchange for his advice and service. Seneca probably could have said no, but after he accepted the first one, the hooks were in. As Nero grew increasingly unstable and deranged, Seneca tried to escape into retirement but he couldn’t. He pushed all the wealth into a pile and offered to give it back with no luck.

Eventually, death—a forced suicide—was the only option. Money in, blood out.

This is only a slightly more dramatic illustration of the trap we find ourselves in. We take out student loans to pay for an education that will get us a job we hope will make those crushing payments worth it. We go to the bank and ask them how much house they’ll let us buy and then we hope two people working every day for the next forty years will prove them right.

All of us regularly say yes unthinkingly, or out of vague attraction, or out of greed or vanity. Because we can’t say no—because we might miss out on something if we did. We think “yes” will let us accomplish more, will give us more of what we want, when in reality it prevents exactly what we seek. All of us waste precious life doing things we don’t like, to prove ourselves to people we don’t respect, and to get things we don’t want.

I read an article a few weeks ago about a law firm in Houston that pays for a private jet for its associates to fly back and forth to California. It was presented as a perk of the job: Housing prices in San Francisco are steep, so this way the employees can enjoy living in Texas while still benefiting from the brisk technology market in California. This isn’t a perk. It’s a bribe, as Upton Sinclair put it. It’s the normalization of an utterly abnormal status quo—one that to sustain, the associates have to work incredibly long hours in an incredibly unpleasant job. But once the hooks are in? It’s hard to get them out.

The reason we work so hard is for “financial freedom.” Somehow we always seem to end up awfully unfree, don’t we? David “DHH” Heinemeier Hansson has talked about the delusion of “Fuck You Money” (having so much you can say, “Fuck you” to people asking you to do stuff you don’t want to do). How many fuck yous are we hearing from these people, he asks. The truth is: Not many. That’s the trap.

The irony of that offer from Dov, I knew, was that he might be giving me a car but part of the reason was to make sure I wouldn’t go anywhere. Stuck with the payments, grateful for the gift, how could I question things? How could I pursue the life I wanted? The answer was that I wouldn’t be able to. And I saw that happen. Other people who hadn’t been able to say no—for personal reasons, for financial reasons, because they didn’t see the strings—to cars or green cards or apartments or positions of power were stuck when the company began to fall apart. As things spun out of control, and lines—ethical and otherwise—were crossed, they were complicit. They were blinded, too, to what they were doing.

The ancient philosophers understood and warned against this. As Epicurus put it, “Self-sufficiency is the greatest of all wealth.” The Stoic philosopher Epictetus has said that “wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.” There is also a story about Socrates. He turned down an invitation from Archelaus, the king of Macedon, because he wanted to “avoid dying a thousand deaths.” Because to him accepting a favor he couldn’t pay back, that created dependency, was worse than death. It was compromising his freedom. It was slavery.

We instinctively grasp the difficulty of Socrates’ position because one of the hardest things to do in life is to say “No.” To invitations, to requests, to obligations, to gifts, and to the stuff that everyone else is doing. Saying yes is so easy…and it feels so good.

Even harder is saying no to less obvious impositions: getting caught up in the status of the job, normalizing yourself at a certain level, the drama, the rush. Why are so many bands from the 70s and 80s still on the road? It’s not only the money, it’s that they need the adulation of the crowd. They can’t go back to regular life. Neither can most of us once we have tasted the forbidden fruits of power or fame or being needed.

Freedom is the most important thing. We’re born with it, and yet many of us wake up one day surprised at the chains we wear. The reason? Because we said yes too many times and never learned how to say no.

Only a free person can decline. Preserving this power is essential.

It’s the difference between a life of subservience and a life of your own, as Lady Bird Johnson, LBJ’s wife knew and often struggled with herself. As Robert Caro wrote, she came to visit John Hicks after he had politely refused her husband’s offer, to let him know she respected, even admired his decision. Because she “had seen other people take their ten thousand dollars and had seen what happened to them.” But Hicks had escaped, as Socrates had escaped, as the brilliant photographer Bill Cunningham escaped and basically all the people who have done truly great work have escaped.

Because if you can’t say no, you’re not powerful or free. You’re a slave.

Like to Read? I’ve created a list of 15 books you’ve never heard of that will alter your worldview and help you excel at your career. Get the secret book list here!