#neuro divergent

[slimi-kaito]

Ok, so I know Nimona's gender fluid and the whole shape shifting thing is a queer allegory.

BUT. (Don't worry)

I also think it’s an allegory of neurodivergency and disability! And I wanna talk about it:

To me, the « I wouldn't die die but I sure wouldn't be living » discussion feels very reminiscent of autistic stimming and masking, masking being explained here as the constant state of « that second before you sneeze ».

With that in mind, Nimona and Ballister's discussion in the train hits a lot closer to home for ND and disabled people in general because Ballister says « it would be easier for you » which isn’t actually true and shows how a lot of the world views disability. For people your disability is completely fine until they see it, they say they are disability allies but will shame you if you start stimming etc…

I think Nimona’s reaction to what Ballister said also shows that she is used to that kind of rethoric, she tries to lead him to the true answer « normal? » you’re normal for people if they can’t see your disability, « easier for who? » easier for him, easier for society because if they don’t see it they can ignore it. At the end of that conversation he doesn’t understand though and even think he is a hero for it « a lot of people aren’t as accepting as me » except what he does is actually the bare minimum, treating disabled people like actual people is the bare minimum whether you can see their disability or not!

At the end, Ballister understands that he was in the wrong and goes on to actually see Nimona as a person, as who she is « I see you ». And theoretically/utopically it’s the same for the kingdom’s people BUT it took the literal sacrifice of Nimona’s life for them to start treating her like a person which again should be the BARE MINIMUM. I think it is especially sad that it’s the way our society works as well, disabled people, queer people etc… shouldn’t have to earn the right to be treated as a person.

Thanks for reading all that, byeeee!

[autisticdreamdrop]

instead of getting the smart at math or science autism, i have the creating OCs and worlds, recognizing languages and animal facts autism

[dreamdropsystem]

this user loves to stim

[awetistic-things]

awetistic things {6}

wearing masks are so comforting bc it decreases how much i have to mask and then i don’t get burned out as quickly

[leftabit-leftabit]

Every single time!

[noperopesaredope]

A Guide to “How Are You?”

So, I’m autistic, and of course, I can get slightly confused by certain social situations. But I’ve discovered that many others across the spectrum are confused by a very specific common greeting (at least, here in the US, where I live): “How are you?”

Other variations of this include “how ya doing” and “how have you been?”

This has confused many, and from what I’ve heard, it’s something that’s mostly in the States, so there’s also a cultural disconnect at times. Many have said that this question is dumb, since, if you answer honestly, it turns out that “other didn’t actually want to know” and “they only asked to make themselves feel good.”

However, as a neurodivergent person who has been studying many neurotypical social norms and cues for many years now, I believe that that is slightly untrue. Most neurotypicals who ask this question do care about having a relatively honest answer and are often curious about how others are doing, however, “how are you” is still a question that has some very simple “rules” to it. In this post, I will be explaining the purpose of this question, and how to properly answer it in a way that others will find acceptable. It can be confusing at first, but once you understand the underlying intent behind it and know how to properly respond, it is very simple.

Intent Behind the Question:

A common reason people say this as a greeting is because they have essentially conditioned to say it. Everyone who uses this phrase has grown up hearing it all the time as a common greeting, similar to “hello,” thus creating a subconscious link between the phrase and saying “hello.” This has caused many to develop a knee jerk reaction to saying this where they greet someone. They are often saying by pure instinct rather than to be polite.

However, there is also a second reason many people say “how are you” as a greeting: they do legitimately want to know how you’re doing. “Now wait just a minute,” you may be saying, “it seems like everyone expects me to just say ‘fine’ as a response rather than how I’m actually feeling!” This is partially true, however, it’s a bit more complicated than that.

From what I can tell and based on my interactions with many neurotypical folks who ask this question as a greeting, they are perfectly okay with hearing how you actually feel, and don’t often mind it when it’s bad news. You don’t need to say that you’re fine, it’s just the easiest response.

What many don’t want to hear is all the details. The question is more meant to be a basic read on your current mood and how you’ve been in general lately, not everything that is currently happening in your life. They just want a short, simple answer with not to much context.

How to Answer:

The second part of this is a better explanation of exactly how one is supposed to answer the question in a way that is honest without overdoing it.

As I previously mentioned, the purpose of the question is to gauge how a person is feeling with a short, concise response. This means it’s good to answer honestly, but keep it brief. A good way to keep it brief is to explain how you’re doing in a single sentence.

Examples of this:

“I’m doing fine.”

“I feel great!”

“I’m kinda sad...”

Another thing that is typically an expectation and a way to keep it short is to not get all into exactly why you are feeling the way you’re feeling. The only reason it might be okay to get into it is if you haven’t see the person in a long time and are having a conversation with them or if they are someone close to you.

People may mostly care about how you are feeling, especially since that can affect how they should interact with you, but a lot of strangers don’t care quite enough to hear about your personal life and whatnot. It can admittedly feel like oversharing if you get a little far into it.

So, here are some samples for types of responses you can use to answer the question honestly:

(Feeling neutral or don’t want to talk about it) “I’m fine.”

(Happy about something) “I’m doing great!”

(In a bad mood) “I could be doing better/Things aren’t great right now.”

These are the most common types of answers and fit with a variety of things. They are short, brief, concise, and honest, but they also don’t explain to much about why someone is experiencing said emotions.

These are the most simple ways to answer the question. The main reason that “fine” is such a commonplace answer is because it’s very neutral. It’s not always that people don’t want to hear your honest answer, they’re just not expecting it. Most people don’t feel like sharing that much about how they’re feeling, so it can catch people off guard a bit.

But there are ways to answer honestly whilst simultaniously not putting people off, and that is by keeping it brief and straightforward without too much explanation.

Hopefully this was helpful to anyone who might need this.

~~~~ Anyways, that’s how to navigate the question “how are you?” I was gonna make this a one off thing, but I’m starting to consider making this a small series or something. Basically me as an autistic person explaining certain social ques and stuff based on what I’ve observed overtime. All the posts would take a very analytical viewpoint, as I didn’t learn some of these things in the same way neurotypical people did: I just overanalyzed stuff. So I have the advantage of both being able to communicate with my fellow neurodivergent folks in a way we all understand, and I also have a complex understanding of some of the social stuff.

So what do ya’ll think? Should I make this a little series? And if so, what should I cover?

[ashmaenas]

Ash's guide to getting shit done (aka how I survive. Kinda).

Disclaimer: This is just stuff that (mostly) works for me. I can't make any promises that your type of brain worms are the same as my brain worms. They may be a totally different species.

Music. I find that I am very music motivated, and I can kind of hack my brain into doing certain things by listening to a Specific type of music every time I do them. For example, every time I want to clean I listen to 50s music and my brain goes 'Ah yes, you should be mopping the floor around about now.' It's very effective when I actually remember to do it.

Clothes. In much the same vein as music, wearing outside clothes tells my brain it's time to be Alert. Again, it only works when I remember to do it.

Starting step. This one is a bit dubious because the beginning is the hard bit, but with some activities (like showering) I'll do an easy action (getting naked in the bathroom) and my brain will kick into the correct mode for that activity. This works maybe... 40% of the time, but that's still better than nothing.

Doing something else. Occasionally, I simply Can't Do The Activity but I'll have enough spoons to at least do something. In that case, I'll just trick my brain into being productive by incentivising it with organising stuff. So I may not be able to study but I will be able to compile resources for every topic I need to research based on the syllabus. It's not what I needed to do, but it will make my life easier later on.

Half ass it. The perfectionist in me hates doing this, but doing something badly is still better than not doing it at all. I've reframed this as 'doing the bare minimum is still doing it' and this method helps me with things like basic hygiene, cleaning, studying, eating ect... When I have next to zero spoons. An example would be that a sink bath isn't as effective as a shower, but at least I'll feel a bit cleaner.

Have someone watch me Do The Thing. This doesn't work if they tell me to do the thing because then my brain goes "Well, now I'm not doing it," and everything is difficult, but if I voluntarily have someone in the room then it makes it easier for me to do tasks. Sometimes. Unless I was already in the zone. Then my brain says no again. It's kind of a hit or miss but it may work for you.

Turn on the Big Light. I actually don't recommend this one, because I don't recommend that other people voluntarily cause themselves distress in order to get things done, but it is a last resort for me. Turning on the big light makes me feel a bit like a rabbit being hunted for sport. Namely, stressed and alert. This helps me get tasks done because the quicker I do them, the quicker I can turn the light off. On one hand, it is effective. On the other hand, it's horrible. 10/10, would not recommend.

Disguise it as something fun and automatic. Confession: at this point the only exercise I get is late night bedroom dancing and skipping (to music) with a skipping rope I made out of an old bathroom robe sash and a shoelace. I'll listen to danceable music and the urge will be there, so I fulfil it and get some Movement™ in at the same time. It works because it's something I'd do anyway, but it's also beneficial.

If you're the type of person who can just do things easily without having to have a hundred different strategies to wrangle your brain into submission then you're probably a bit confused right now. To that I say, don't worry about it!!

Go get a snack with the convenient cues your body sends you when you need to eat, and get started on that minor task that you won't spend all week in a state of procrastination paralysis and terror about.

If you're like me and everything is difficult (except sometimes the things that everyone else finds difficult—either that or except some super niche skill that is not regarded as useful by society) then I'm proud of you for making it this long and I hope you found at least one of these useful. Feel free to reblog with your own strategies for Doing Tasks and surviving life (seriously. Anything helps).

[azzehkarla]

Running away from social situations like

[hurtramblings]

Proud to be weird.

[subpixie420]

As someone who's neuro-divergent, possibly autistic with RSD I will never not love emojis.

Emojis help sum up my tone or my intention in 99% of my online interactions/text messages

So idc if they are cringe or will be considered cringe in the future. Emojis are my crutch in conversation 😝

[autisticdreamdrop]

we are all not the same.

autism is not the same for everyone. you can have similar experiences, but autism is a case by case basis. you are not alone.

if you can't relate to every fellow autistic that doesn't mean you aren't "autistic enough".

it's autism SPECTRUM disorder

it's a spectrum

everyone should be allowed to share their experiences. - The Dreamdrop System

[dreamdropsystem]

this user doesn't want you to give up

[awetistic-things]

neuro typicals please stop using compliments as sarcasm 🙏🏼 😭 i can’t handle another “great job!” that implies that i did not in fact do a great job

[rainypaperangel]

One of the most neurodivergent thoughts I've ever had must be I'd wish people wouldn't take it so personally if you told them "I don't like you".

Like... "I don't like you" doesn't mean "I hate you and everything you do". It doesn't mean "I will refuse to respect you and work with you". It really just means... "I don't vibe with you and don't want to be around you when I don't have to", and honestly, I wish that was more socially acceptable...

[maelstromgrymm]

An interaction I just had with a regular Karen at my store. And the reminder that my manager is a saint.

Customer comes up to the register with drinks and asks for gas. I run the transaction, but because I don't make eye contact with her very much, she taps her long nail on the counter to get my attention.

Karen: Are you paying attention to me?

Me, forcing direct eye contact, which makes me horribly uncomfortable: Yes, I have your items rung up and your gas ready, was there anything else I could get for you?

Karen: No, that's it, I just thought since you aren't looking at me, you didn't know I was here. You should work on your eye contact.

Me: Ah, sorry, it's always an issue for me to-

Karen: Yeah, I'm done, just ring this up and I'll go.

Me: *finishes up her transaction and waits for her to pay*

Manager: Ma'am, I don't need you belittling my employees like this. We'll handle this for you, but if you bring in that attitude again, we won't serve you.

Karen: Excuse me? I just wasn't sure he was listening to me, because he never made eye contact-

Manager: Ma'am, to be completely honest, do you need eye contact to hear someone?

Karen: Well, it's just polite etiquette, maybe you need to train them better.

Manager: Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to not bring your business back here. You can get your gas and go, but we will no longer serve you. Beyond today, you're banned from this location.

Karen: *goes on the usual tangent about calling higher ups, taking this to the state, the store losing business, blah blah blah*

Manager: *"kindly" showing her the door and making sure she didn't come back in*

Me: *near tears* I'm sorry, it's just hard for me to look people in the eye sometimes...

Manager: Nah, fuck her, you did what you had to. I'm not letting anyone disrespect any of my employees. She's not gonna bug us anymore, I'll be sure of it.

[lenaleviosa]

Okey but living with ADHD & anxiety is like the worst combination ever

I’ll be like, “Omg did I forget to turn of the stove when I left?” And then I’ll tell myself I’m just being anxious.

But then at the same time I actually didn’t turn off the stove when I left because my chaos brain forget I even cooked breakfast that morning.