#never have i ever season 4

[femininemenon]

DEVI VISHWAKUMAR and PAXTON HALL-YOSHIDA NEVER HAVE I EVER — 4x10: “...said goodbye”

[rainparadefromhell]

the scene of ben finding out devi didn't get into any colleges is so important to me. everyone in her life is trying to tell her that it's gonna be okay, to not stress out, that she can apply to princeton again next fall.

and here's benjamin saying no. that's awful. i understand how you feel. i'd want to be put in a medically induced coma if it happened to me. he once again gives her space to be vulnerable, to let herself just feel all of the emotions.

just be yourself david.

because they are both these little balls of energy and anxiety until they are together and calm each other down. the red and blue color theory of it all.

[ethanmorales]

Misconceptions

All Parts Now Posted - Masterlist

Part 1 - Ablaze

Pairing: Ethan Morales x reader 1.3k words Tags: make out, angst Warning: swearing

My fingers grazed against his chest and as I let my hand wander down his torso, I felt every muscle under twitch in anticipation. I looked up at his face and he was already looking at me with a mixture of lust and longing.

“I missed you,” he whispered.

Oh and I missed him. For what other reason would I have climbed through his window at 2:12 in the morning?

But I didn’t say it back. That’s what got us into this mess in the first place. Me caring. Me wanting him so bad it hurt. Me falling while he was always just having a good time.

“Babe?”

I looked up at him, pulled out of my thoughts by his inquiring tone.

“Just kiss me,” I demanded.

He only hesitated for two seconds, just briefly enough for his brown eyes to send a silent question, “everything okay?” But his mouth never asked; it was too busy connecting with mine in a blazing kiss that threatened to consume me, him, both of us together.

Everything was on fire. Everywhere he touched. Everywhere he kissed. My skin burned with his touch and for it. We barely paused for breath as he laid me down on his bed. He unlinked our mouths long enough to grab the hem of my shirt and help me out of it. Then we lit up again.

I glided my fingers in the soft waves of his hair as his mouth found the spot where my neck meets my shoulder. His teeth gently grazed against the skin, just enough for me to feel the pressure but not enough to cause pain and then his tongue followed. He started trailing downward to my chest with that same technique.

"Ethan." It was a half-whispered moan. I say half whispered because it was not as quiet as I intended it to be.

At his name, he looked up at me, smiling that damning adorable smile of his and placed a finger over my lips.

"My parents' sleep next door."

He was better at whispering than I was. Probably had more experience at this kind of clandestine middle of the night type of encounter. Before the bitter thought took full effect in my head, his mouth clashed against mine in another fiery kiss. Almost like he wanted to distract me from my own thoughts.

It was working.

The kiss that started like a flame scorching through us with intensity and desperation, simmered down into a heart wrenching slower tempo. Our mouths molded together, his tongue slow danced with mine in perfect unison... and I was lost.

Lost to the sweet taste of his lips. Lost to the movement of his pelvis against mine and the calculated motions building up the fire that he had awoken in me. Though we still had enough clothing separating us from the fusing of our bodies, it didn't dampen the ever-present ache within me.

With the way he touched me, you would think he felt the same.

So, I was lost. Lost in the depths of longing. Longing for this guy that could never ever reciprocate such feeling in return.

I pushed away from him as abruptly as I had the thought. I was met by a look that someone that didn't know him would think is concern. But I knew better.

"I have to go." My words practically a mumble.

"What?" he seemed disoriented in a way, his eyes searching for something in mine that I didn't want him to find.

"It's late," I said, "If we wake up your parents, they'll disown you for real this time."

Ethan's eyes though still confused, hid partially away by the appearance of his mischievous smile, "So what? They've disowned me like 50 times already. Just this year."

I rolled my eyes.

"You say that with so much pride," I whispered, simultaneously pulling myself out of his grasping hands. I heard him groan in protest behind me as I pulled my shirt over my head.

"Because the shit they say doesn't mean anything. They think that by acting like they're disappointed in me, I'll just magically turn into the son they always wanted. It's bullshit."

I shook my head at this rant and turned to face him. He had gotten up from the bed as well and was less than two feet away from me.

"If you really didn't care, you wouldn't' have shushed me earlier. But God knows you're too cool to admit to caring about anything so I'm not having this argument with you." I sounded defeated. He noticed the change in my tone immediately, his eyes narrowed.

"Why do we have to argue at all? There are way more fun things that we could be doing right now." Even as he said it, I could see that he didn't mean it. Something in his expression closed off at my previous comment.

"I have to be up early anyways," I said gently.

"Sure. Whatever." He walked towards his window. I followed behind until we were in front of it.

I looked up at him. He didn't seem to want to look me in the eye as he avoided my gaze. I gave up.

"Okay. I'll see you around then."

My voice was small, and I hated myself for it. This is where we end up every time. I understand that he has never claimed to be anything but who I've always known him to be, but can you blame me for wanting more? I'm only human. And I know... that's it's wrong that I want him to change for me. I should be accepting him as he is or staying away from him, but I can't. The harder I try, the easier it is for me to end up here with him. Stuck in this goddamn tragic loop of ours.

I shake my head to myself and throw a leg over the windowsill. As I push myself out and my feet touch the freshly cut grass of his backyard, I thank God he lives in a one-story home.

When I turn to close his bedroom window, he stops me with a hand over mine. I move mine away and he frowns. He proceeds to climb out of his window.

"What?" I ask, unable to keep the edge out of my voice. I was already too emotionally drained to hide my upset.

He blinks with confusion. "What am I doing wrong?"

I huff but say nothing.

He sighs, "How do I stop upsetting you if you won't tell me what it is that you're upset about?"

I snap. "You. You are the reason I'm upset!"

His eyes widen, "What about me? "

I want to tell him. I want to tell him everything. All the things he makes me feel; good and bad. My fears. My thoughts. But I can't. Because I know what he will say.

"I didn't sign up for this".

"We had a deal."

"Don't start getting clingy."

I've heard it all come out of his mouth before. Not with me. With the many girls I've seen him with. But still. I refuse to make the mistakes the rest of them did. I will never admit that I had fallen for him. Not now. Not ever.

I held his gaze for a second, but his beautiful brown eyes made my poor heart flutter uncomfortably in my chest. I look away.

"Nothing, sorry. I really gotta go. I get cranky when I don't sleep."

I start turning around to leave, but then feel his arm snake around my waist and pull me in against him, leaving no space between us.

I look up at him in a question. His eyes scanned my face for something, though I'm not sure what.

"Liar."

That's all he says before his mouth crashes over mine.

I didn't want it. The rational part of me knew that I should back off and walk away. But as soon as his tongue invades my mouth, the heat of our flame sears through my whole being... and we're back to where we started.

To be continued...

__________________________________

A/N: Haven't written in ages. But after watching season 4 of Never Have I Ever.... I had to. My goodness, Ethan got me feeling all kinds of things lol. Made a new blog just to write this without judgement. Let me know if you want a part 2. I feel like this might deserve another part. Or maybe I can turn it into a series? Let me know if you liked it and I'll write more :)

Update: will be doing a part two! Maybe 3... we shall see :D

[stormboundstars]

Never Have I Ever....man, a show on Netflix that actually got to finish its story, and did so in such a heartfelt manner that it really sticks with you. it's not just a story for teenagers, we're all Devi and Ben and Paxton and Eleanor and Fab and every character in a way just figuring stuff out, making bad decisions, being cringefail girlies, learning from failures, and trying to grow up. it tells us: let life be messy and ugly and difficult and embarrassing, let life be beautiful and enjoyable and unique and something to be proud of. turn all those never have i evers to i did. i did it, i lived.

[jancysmixtape]

Season four Benvi is so beautiful to me.

[seeyoumondaydevi]

Sliding down the wall screaming and drinking bleach 

[ben-vishwakumar]

THE FACT THAT

“I am so much better at school than you”

GETS HIM GOINNNGGGG

[itsallaboutzayn]

I mean, who was that for?

[harmonizingsunsets]

Ok as I was watching the last scene on my laptop, I could hear it better, and it seems like Devi says “What’s this movie about?” And Ben says, “I have no idea.” “YOU picked this!” And then I can’t make out what Ben says next, but ends by saying something like “everything this guy does/is in is good” or “everything I pick is good.” And Devi smiles, and looks like she says, “true.”

Ya’ll lip readers out there, tell me what you think is being said!!!

[bewilderedbuck]

Devi vs. David: aka a comprehensive list of every single time ben gross has referred to devi as one or the other (season four edition)

HERE IT IS!!! the final edition of devi vs. david!!! if you're new here and haven't checked out any of my other devi vs. david deep dives, please feel free to check them out here: season 1, season 2, season 3. you can also find all of my devi vs. david ramblings here. and as i've said again and again and again, this is a list of every single time ben refers to her as either devi or david, this time in season 4, with context + insight + my own lil insane thoughts, because i'm 100% totally normal when it comes to this topic (they said, like a liar).

heads up, not all of the netflix captions are accurate, or the whole quote wasn't all in one frame, so if the font looks different in any of the following screencaps, it's because i captioned them myself.

i already noted in previous analyses, as well as in this post, that ben tends to go for “david” during their rivalry and their friensdhip, as opposed to when they’re estranged/fighting etc and when they're in more...well, romantic situations, he defaults to “devi.” i’ll go a little more into this towards the end, but it’s just something i’d like to bring to your attention before i get started.

anyways, here we go!

hmm remember when i predicted we would get a “devi” first this season because of the months of distance and miscommunication? and when i thought it would happen immediately after devi sees margot kiss ben? i may not have had all the details right, but i saw this coming from a mile away. and this also fits into the pattern i thought was going to be established: season 1 we get “david” first, season 2 we get “devi,” season 3 “david” and now in season 4 they’re finishing the pattern with another “devi.” they’re in wildly different places in their relationship in each of these instances, which i go more in detail about in this post where i predicted that we would get a “devi” first this season.

anyways. this use of “devi” has me hurting for both of them. they’ve got this - this chasm of months of distance, of zero contact, of miscommunication and misread feelings and misrepresented actions (“he was clearly embarrassed for me.” vs “it was so clear she that thought it sucked. she got up and sprinted out.” i love my two unreliable narrators devi vishwakumar and ben gross!!). i’m having a lot of thoughts about devi’s intentions here that i…probably won’t go into further detail about, lol, because this post is about ben. so. of course he reverts to “devi” here - they aren’t friends, right now. they aren’t really rivals right now, either - i mean, they always will be, of course, but that’s not the focal point of their relationship here. they’re talking for the first time after three months of radio silence, of ben creating this rift between them because of some bullshit advice after misrepresenting what happened (okay like. i’m not here to hate on ben - i just. it’s his fault. it’s literally his fault). he can’t call her “david” because, as i’ve said before, “david” has turned fond. they aren’t friends, they aren’t rivals, they aren’t lovers. so, “devi.”

(didn't include the first "devi" he says to get her attention in this scene, sorry.)

okay this is. basically bouncing off the last one - he can’t call her “david.” they aren’t close enough for that, not right now - they won’t be for some time this season. but he’s also trying to set the tone of the conversation, a more mature version of the one they had in the beginning of the episode. and i do applaud him for this, for owning up to all of this being his fault, too (which. i don’t think all of it was, honestly - there is blame to be placed on devi and on margot over what happened this episode, but the 3 months of no contact? ben’s fault, 100%). big props to him for apologizing. however still a little salty about him internalizing those words from mr. basketball player all those months ago, because dude did not have all the info when he gave ben that advice. but to be fair - ben is a seventeen year old with low social skills (not faulting him for that because like. same) so i sympathize with him a bit there. overall, based on where they are in their relationship in 4x01, i was really pleased with how this convo turned out especially since the spoilers we were given from the premiere made it look so much worse than it really is.

hm. remember how that last convo of theirs was pretty mature and low-conflict. yeah then they give us this. ben’s…exasperated. within reason, i think - and to be clear i don’t think devi’s really in the wrong here, it’s just…he chose to be with margot because he thought it was the easier route. he distanced himself from devi because he thought it would be easier. but it’s not. of course it’s not - he and devi both still have all these messy feelings for each other that they’ve been pushing down and suppressing and denying. and it’s tiring. being around devi while he’s “““moving on””” is tiring. being sucked into drama over and over is tiring. he wants - or thinks he wants- something calm, and easy. -and like. it would be fuckign easy if y’all just got your shit together and admitted your feelings but that comes later so we’re moving on for now-

okay so. as i’ve said in my previous posts, it doesn’t make sense for him to refer to her as “david” to other people when she’s not around, so we’re not going to explain why he said “devi” here - that’s a given. but this whole scene…he kinda let devi get into his head before talking to margot. like, from the characters’ point of view, not ours, it definitely seems like margot had the most motive to deface her car. i mean ben straight up says, “you did have a good reason, so i could understand why you might.” and this isn’t me digging at devi for thinking margot did it, or ben for second-guessing margot, or anything like that - it’s just like. objectively. it does seem like margot could have done it. so i get where ben’s coming from.

okay so…we know that that is. false. a lie. an untruth. et cetera. bouncing back to the first instance of “devi” in 4x02, this, once again, makes me think that ben is just…trying to make things easier, calmer. he doesn’t want to deal with devi’s drama right now (again, not dissing devi, just explaining his pov). interrupting her with, “listen, devi,'' to get her attention, to shut her up because he just…can’t do this right now. he’s conflicted - he cares about devi so deeply that it’s detrimental to him at times, and after the events of 4x01 and 4x02, he thinks the best thing to help him keep “““moving on””” (bc like. i’ve touched on this before but there is no moving on for him when it comes to devi) is to go back to silence and estrangement. back to how they were over the summer. back to how they were in those few episodes of season 2, even, just with less vitriol. so, “devi” to further that distance - earlier in the episode, he says, “we are friends,” but here, he’s all but saying, we can’t be friends, not anymore. not now. maybe not ever again.

following this up with:

the thing is…he does look sorry. he doesn’t want to lose her again. it hurts her, yes, but it also hurts him. but like i said - this is easier for him, for right now at least.

oooh this brings me back to 2x08, “devi, you’re daisy.” ben, currently dating a girl that’s not devi, while still having all these complicated feelings for her, relating her to the material they’re currently studying, after she almost became the reason said girlfriend had to leave sherman oaks (temporarily for margot, of course, but still) - it’s not an exact copy/paste, obv, but i’m loving the parallel. also brings me back to 1x02, “it’s okay, devi. i know how hard it is to memorize seven facts,” the same tone being used then as it is now - although with different intentions, of course. ben is - bitter, i would say. of course he is. this whole situation is just…really reminiscent of that 2x05 to 2x07 arc, although with a bit less anger - they’ve got not just their rivalry and (currently, failed) romance behind them, but also those months of real friendship they had during season 3. there’s even more history between them to contend with now, which makes it harder for him to be angry with her. he still is - just not to the same extent as the s2 aneesa situation. 

remember when i said ben stopped talking to her to make it easier? yeah. i honestly totally forgot he says exactly that until i got to this scene while writing this out. “it’s just easier this way. she just always complicates things.” just - ouch, ouch, ouch. this is just me reiterating everything i’ve already said, i guess. does he want to push devi away right now? no, i don’t think so. but it makes things less complicated for him. devi is messy, yes, they’ve established that well over all four seasons - but this isn’t really about how messy devi is, is it? he tells margot that it’s because of devi, and it is, partially, but it’s also because of him. because he and devi clash. because he and devi mesh. because, at least right now, it is so hard for him to separate all these things he feels - angry and disappointed, yes, but there’s this - wistful, i want to say, feeling there under all of that, this pull he’s always going to feel with her. and he’s not in a place where he can let that go unless he cuts her off.

god i do feel for ben here. i wish they had brought back some of the stuff from last season with him…chilling out more when it comes to academics and all that, but like, this is ben gross we’re talking about here - one intestinal blockage and heartfelt convo with his dad isn’t going to erase over a decade of self-set high expectations. dude is stressed, literally sweating through his clothes and now he looks like someone squirted a bottle of french’s on him.

and amongst all this, comes the last person he wants to talk to right now - he smells like sweat and acrylic paint and he just had his girlfriend judge the spiel he’s probably recited in the mirror a hundred times (which like, in all fairness to margot, it did feel like a bowflex commercial). and now here’s devi, all calm and collected with her power blazer and bouncy high pony - looking like the opposite of what ben’s feeling. he’s already frustrated, and her showing up makes it that much worse - until approximately two seconds later when she saves his women’s medium sized ass.

episode 5’s you never disappoint do you. i love, love, love this conversation between ben and devi - this vulnerability here, the way they tell each other that they’ll be okay, that yes, this is scary. our lives are about to change forever - but you’ll make it through. you’ll survive. you’ll thrive. 

and this line…this so much. ben knows who devi is, has been in proximity to her for twelve years at this point, as a rival, as a friend, even as a lover for a short stint - and he knows her, and he knows that she knows herself. maybe - no, definitely - she didn’t know who she was before, drowning in fresh grief, but she’s grown, she’s healed (not completely, but she has healed nonetheless), and ben has had a front row seat to that. he has watched from up close as she became the person she is now. he believes in her, and he knows she can believe in herself, too.

i promise i’m feeling so totally normal about this…remember when i said i thought the first “david” would be at the end of 4x05 during reconciliation? i do, and, surprise surprise - i was right, because ben gross is nothing if not consistent (most of the time, at least). this “david” is driving me insane. they just had this heartfelt discussion about their fears with going to college, reassuring each other that they’ll be okay, fucking…pep talking each other, because they know each other better than they know anyone else, and ben drops a “david” like it’s nothing. like it’s easy. like he means it!!! i’ve said so many times that “david” has turned into this term of endearment almost exclusively used during their friendship, with ben avoiding using it when they’re not friends, and after last episode, where it had been verbally established (by devi, at least), that they still aren’t friends…now he slips a “david” in. this is the closest, the most vulnerable, they’ve been with each other in months. this is ben taking that step to pull them even closer - ben feeling safe enough to do so. this is ben saying, “i can be your friend,” thirty seconds before he actually utters those words.

okay full disclosure, “david” isn’t in the official captions on this one, so like, idk if jaren decided to add this day of filming or what - but whatever. that doesn’t matter here. what does matter is this absolute effortless slide back into their friendship. ben going out of his way to approach her, to tell her the good news (well. it’s not really good news for devi but like. he doesn’t know that, so). he’s excited for her!!! he gives her this boost of confidence (and yes i know it doesn’t last long, what with the deferral email coming in that day but. still.)

ooooh the way i love this scene!!! the fact that we get to see this interaction through paxton’s eyes is just delightful to me. like, okay, i’m not a “he’s mean to you so he likes you!!” kind of person, but banter like this coming about while they’re actively friends and post-bargot (bengot? ragross? ykwim) breakup…it’s thinly veiled flirting, and idk if we would have been given that perspective if this scene had been shot from devi’s pov, or ben’s. while this isn’t the first taste of mutual banter we’ve got all season (looking at you, 4x04 bathroom scene), this is the first friendly mutual banter, and god we were starving for it - at least i know i was. there’s bite behind their words, but it’s playful for both of them!! but like - then there’s the shot of them both immediately fixing their appearance after they’re no longer in each other’s line of sight (ben tucking in his necklace, devi taking off her cardigan) and i just. ooooh my god i love it. i’ve said it before, and i’ll say it again - peak crush behavior. and ben isn’t even posturing for paxton here like he would have before, thanks to the literal shitstorm of 3x06 - ben’s only…well, acting up, i guess i would say, for devi. not anyone else. 

(and like this is totally unrelated but god do i wish we got more bexton interactions this season, but oh well.)

hi yeah no i’m still not over this scene. it’s. so unapologetically horny and it’s a side of ben i’m honestly so glad we got to see. like, okay, we already know he messed around a little with shira, had (bad) sex with devi, and is canonically a boob guy, but this more in-depth peek at his desires (cough cough degradation kink cough cough) is just…chef’s kiss. yes this is devi’s show first and foremost but god do i love the looks into ben’s brain we get. and this - this desire for devi, this want for her, something he can’t run from in his subconscious no matter how hard he runs from it in his waking hours - yes, it’s a wet dream, but it’s more than that. trent says it: “...you really love her.”  ben loves her. he can’t get her out of his head. he wants her - physically and emotionally.

let’s, for now, ignore that this is moments before disaster. god, the look on his face, this eager, hopeful smile, the fucking bouquet he brought for her. he’s riding the high (ha, get it) of trent’s earnest pep talk, ready, for the first out of multiple times this season, to tell her he wants her. he’s done denying it, to himself and now to her, too (which. the latter obviously doesn’t really happen for another few months - but that’s beside the point).

this instance is pretty self-explanatory from ben’s pov (i mean, that’s what y’all are here for). checking in that she’s okay after seeing her throw up, congratulating her, etc. not spending too much time on this one - just noting the, once again, effortless slip back into “david” after the events of last episode. not saying there’s not some inner turmoil going on for him regarding his feelings for her; even though we can’t see it, it’s still there - but birthdaygate (as nalini called it) was…a disaster, to put it lightly, so. back to “david” it is…for now, at least.

god this followed immediately by the “is she okay?” and then ben rushing off to go check in on her…i’ll touch on this more in the next instance, but like. he’s truly the only one who gets how much this would hurt. not saying that no one else understands how devi feels, but he’s the only one who would really, truly get it if the same happened to him. just - the wondering how she didn’t get in anywhere, because she’s just as smart as (and, technically as 4x10 proves with that valedictorian sash, smarter than) him.  the immediate concern for her, the need to check in...god, he cares for her so much.

“But you’re not a quitter.” bringing back the “no one knows them better than they know each other” thing - because it’s true. no one knows devi better than ben knows her. he knows what she’s capable of - has been on the opposing side of it for over a decade. he has won against her, lost against her, won with her, lost with her…he’s seen her rise and fall and pick herself back up to rise again. he understands her, and he understands why this is so painful for her - if it were him, it would feel like twelve years of hard work, of early mornings following sleepless nights, of flash cards and meticulous notes and extra credit projects, all being flushed down the drain. he gets it, gets her. this being the first use of “devi” (to her, and not in a dream sequence) since 4x05 - he uses it to set the tone, to get her attention, to get her to listen to him. because he knows she doesn’t really want to give up. and he as much as says that: “but if you don’t try everything that you can, you’re gonna regret it.” she already knows this - there’s no doubt in my mind about that, and there’s no doubt that ben knows that she knows this. she just needed to hear it from the one person who understands - and it worked. she does try - and, as we see in 4x10, she succeeds.

this…this is the biggest break in his pattern when it comes to “devi” vs “david.” he never refers to her as “david” with a - romantic isn’t the exact word i’m looking for, but it’s the one we’re gonna use - romantic intention. i think he’s using “david” here to sort of…ease the tension, so to say? to lighten the mood a bit. he wants to tell her - has wanted to since trent told him to speak his truth, likely longer than that. but after birthdaygate - he doesn’t want to show too much of his hand. “maybe i was wrong, david.” not “i was wrong, devi.” 

feeling especially attached to this use of “david” tbh. the excitement he feels for her, immediately rushing to pull her into a hug, how proud he is of her, especially after the events of the last episode. again, he knows how hard she’s worked for this, and he knows what it’s like to feel all of that hard work pay off. she’s not alone in feeling this satisfaction - he’s feeling it with her.

 i loved, loved all the callbacks to the previous seasons, and this is no exception. the addition of “david” here brings me back to this post by @catty-words that i’m still thinking about almost two years later (and have referenced in 2 out of 3 of these analyses): “it’s a relic from their rivalry.” obviously cori goes into it a bit differently in that post because it’s about their season 2 arc, but to re-work that line here: the equatorial guinea nametag (i would say plaque but like. it’s a piece of paper) is a memento of their first time teaming up, but it is also a relic of their rivalry in a way - the initial anger of devi infiltrating his club, the temporary alliance that was struck down just hours later, the nuclear attack. and so, yes, “david” here is used as that mark of friendship, as i’ve referred to it before, and so is the nametag, but they’re also both a representation of their enmity - albeit in a much more playful way than the "david" from 2x05.

i’m going to refer you to the genius of rae @ice-sculptures real quick, who had this to say in regards to ben’s patterns when it comes to what he calls her: “it could be that he “hides” behind david when the lines of their relationship are blurred and uses it as a way to convey the affection that he doesn’t think he can openly express. but when they actually get together he doesn’t need to hide anymore bc he knows that she’s aware of how much he loves her…so devi is enough.”

y’all. devi is enough. he doesn’t need to use a term of endearment, a pet name, with her here. he doesn’t need to hide behind “david.” and like. just in case you aren’t aware - “david” means “beloved” in hebrew. i’m sure ben’s aware of that - he’s a giant nerd, and he’s jewish - it never gets established in canon, so it may just be something we’re all collectively reading into, but like. i’m obviously going to continue reading into it - he doesn’t have to hide behind “beloved” anymore, he doesn’t have to use this roundabout way to tell her how he feels - he can just say it. and he says it without even knowing if she feels the same way. he’s following trent’s advice from 4x08: “you must go to her. [...] you must tell her how you feel. there's no time to waste. [...] you must speak your truth. she needs to know." he flies to her on a whim to tell her he likes her. actually, he thinks he loves her, “devi.” he loves her. this is the bravest thing he’s done - he doesn’t know how she feels, doesn’t know if she loves him back - but he tells her anyways. he can’t wait. it doesn’t matter that she’s flying to the east coast the next day, where she’ll be a two hour and six minute train ride away. he has to tell her now. there’s no time to waste. she needs to know.

god. i just - i love that they already had this - this whole soft, sweet love confession, full of shy, gentle smiles and giggles, followed by The Big Damn Kiss of All Time (and like. the big damn bang of all time) and he still feels the need to tell her that he wants to be with her. that he wants to start this next chapter of life with her. and there’s just…something so important to me about them not being high school sweethearts. about them not really giving this an actual shot until they’re headed to college. he doesn’t want “let’s kiss at our lockers in between periods and sit next to each other in the cafeteria while we eat gloopy square-shaped pizza.” he wants “let’s fall asleep on facetime during exam season. let’s spend one weekend in new york and the next in new jersey. let’s meet in the middle. let’s cram ourselves onto a twin-sized dorm room bed that’s definitely not made for two people. let’s learn how to be adults together. let’s give this a real try. let’s give us a real try.”

and so they do.

and with that...we're done. if you've reached the end, thank you for reading! i'm so sad that this series of posts has come to an end, but i've had an absolute delight doing these, and i'm so pleased with the ending of this show - because it didn't feel like an ending. it felt like a new beginning. i'm going to miss never have i ever (i already do), but i'm so happy to have spent the past few years yelling about it with all of you - and i'll likely continue yelling about it in the near future.

[femininemenon]

DEVI VISHWAKUMAR and PAXTON HALL-YOSHIDA NEVER HAVE I EVER — 1x01 x 4x07

[rainparadefromhell]

There were SO many beautiful Ben and Devi moments this season but Devi taking a pic of Equatorial Guinea was the moment I lost it and started sobbing.

It was the moment when they both knew (consciously or subconsciously) that something had changed between them. 12 years of knowing each other. One moment.

[ethanmorales]

Misconceptions

Part 1 | Part 2

Part Three - Thawed

Pairing: Ethan Morales x fem reader 2.7k words Requested Tags: @arij3lly @hitoshislut @bjrmaybank @ghostfaceorgirlfriend Warnings: swearing, smut

"I missed you.”

I roll my eyes. “You always say that".

“I always mean it,” he says.

I study him carefully and he lets me. His eyes never falter, just stay on mine as if he has nothing to hide.

“Did something happen?” I finally ask.

Ethan smiles, “You see too much, lady. Have I ever told you that?”

“Only when you’re mad at me,” I say with a shrug. He laughs at this and wraps an arm around my waist; then rests his forehead on my shoulder, hiding his face from me. I feel him taking a deep breath.

“I’m just tired.” He mumbles.

I wait a moment before responding as gently as I can, “Is it your parents again?”

His arms around me tighten but he says nothing. My heart sinks, suddenly feeling crappy about being mad at him all this time. I’m the only one that knows about his parents. The only person he can come to even if he never actually talks about it. Suddenly I feel guilty for thinking more about my own selfish feelings when I know he’s got a lot going on at home. Things that are far more important to him right now.

I lift a hand and smooth it over his hair as he continues to rest his head on my shoulder. We stay like that for a few minutes until he finally lifts his head, a cheeky smile adorning his lips.

“What?” I ask, already knowing him well enough to know that this smile means trouble. All kinds of trouble.

“Let’s do something stupid,” he declares.

I take a deep breath, “Fine. Just nothing illegal. I’m still traumatized about last time.”

Ethan laughs heartily. “You’re the reason we got caught!”

I huff, acting undignified. “Well, I’m sorry. At the time, I wasn’t aware that we were conducting criminal activity. My apologies!”

Ethan kisses me deeply, without warning, then pulls away from me like it was nothing. I stared at him, confused.

“You’re hot when you talk all proper,” he says with a shrug. I roll my eyes, fighting the smile that is tugging at the corners of my mouth. I lose the battle when he casually reaches out to hold my hand, steering me away from our oak tree. My heart performs somersaults in my chest, but I make sure to keep my voice light and neutral.

“Soooo, what are we doing?”

Ethan hesitates, then pretends to pout. “Apparently, nothing illegal. Those are the most fun things to do, ya know?”

I laugh at his theatrics.

Choosing my words carefully, I play along. “Some people might argue that there is at least one thing that’s more fun.” I wait for his reaction, a smartass comment or flirty remark at least.

Instead, he abruptly stops walking and with the hand that he is still holding, pulls me back and against his body. Face to face, mouth hovering over mine, noses touching, he speaks. “Don’t tease me, babe. Not unless you plan on putting your money where your mouth is.” I’m still holding my breath as his eyes look back and forth between my eyes and my lips. “You know damn well that I would have no trouble taking you right here where we stand.”

At his words, my knees suddenly feel weak. The familiar flame inside me suddenly comes back to life and rages like a firestorm. With eyes locked on him, I speak slowly, deliberately. “Maybe we should find somewhere private to continue this conversation.”

“Fuck.” He swears and pulls away from me, gaze quickly studying our surroundings.

My eyes stay on him as he struggles with a solution.

“Y/N, I need you to stop looking at me like that or so help me God, we won’t make it anywhere else.”

I bite my lip, unable to stop myself. I wanted him. I wanted him more than I’ve ever wanted anyone else. The fact that we’ve never gone past second base might have something to do with all this built-up hunger for each other.

“Did you drive here?” I ask.

He shakes his head, “Nah, needed the walk. You?”

I shake my head as well, “Only a block away for me. No point.”

We both go quiet for a few seconds and then we look at each other.

“My house” “I say at the same time he asks, “Is your mom home?”

“She’s working today.”

That’s all the confirmation he needs. Grabbing my hand again he pulls me with him in the direction of my house. We walk quickly, so it takes a little over 5 minutes to reach my front door. My hands are shaking as I try to unlock the door. Ethan takes the key from my hand and unlocks it for me. He motions for me to go first, so I do. He follows, closing the door behind us.

“My room is upstairs,” I explain, turning to face him. He’d come to visit before but has never actually been in my bedroom.

“Fuck that.” Ethan cuts the distance between us, grabs my face and kisses me hard. All I can do is loop my hands around his neck to hold on as he pushes me into the wall closest to us. I pull out of his kiss briefly to catch my breath, but he wastes no time as his mouth travels down to the crook of my neck sucking at the sensitive skin there. I let out a shaky breath, enjoying the sensations rippling through me from his work. After a moment, he looks back at me and smiles with mischief, lifting me and wrapping my legs around his own waist, to have a more secure hold on me. His lips find mine again and kiss me, once, twice. Pulling away before the kiss can deepen. Teasing me, I realize.

I huff, slightly annoyed. He chuckles at my reaction and with the proximity of our bodies, I can feel the vibration of his laugh quiver through my core. It’s enough to drive me over the edge. I weave my hands in his hair and pull him to me, kissing again for a moment then pulling at this bottom lip with my teeth. He groans at this, and I smile. The serious look on his face tells me he’s done teasing for now.

“I want you.” I say, my voice trembles with how strong the emotion truly is.

He starts kissing me again and I lose myself in it, barely aware that he has pulled us away from the wall and is carrying me to the first room he finds, which turns out to be the living room. I only realize we’ve changed locations when I feel the familiar softness of our couch against my back, with Ethan on top of me, slowly rolling his body into mine in a rhythmic grind.

I moan and I can’t stop the sound from escaping any less than I can stop the tension building inside of me which forces me to claw at his shirt, in my attempt to take it off. Noticing my struggle, Ethan helps take it off and proceeds to help me out of mine. Then my bra. I let myself enjoy the look on his face as he looks down at my bare torso. He makes a sound with the back of his throat and bites his lip.

“You are so fucking beautiful.”

I feel heat spread across my cheeks in a blush and this seems to rile him up more.

“Fuck, Y/N.” he kisses me again at the same time as one of his hands finds my breast. I gasp at the warmth of his fingers as he starts stroking me. His lips leave me again as he starts a trail of wet kisses down to my chest. With one hand still caressing one breast, his mouth finds the other one. He covers my nipple with his mouth and sucks at it softly, then harder, grazing his teeth. I moan, harder than the time before. He groans in response to me but continues what he’s doing. After he is satisfied with this part, he continues kissing down my stomach to my lower abdomen.

All I am aware in that moment is my ragged breathing, the wild thumping of my heart in my chest and the swiftness in which Ethan unbuttons my jeans and pulls it off me along with my underwear in what must be some kind of record. I barely have time to be impressed as he ducks his head between my legs and his tongue slips into my folds. I take a deep breath and grab a handful of his hair as he sucks on me. My breathing grows heavier as he kisses, sucks and licks my sanity away. The ache I feel has become unbearable and cannot imagine it’s any better for him.

“Ethan, please.” I beg.

He looks up at me, making eye contact briefly while licking the wetness on his lips and smiling at me.

“Almost baby.”

“What else do you want from me? I feel like I’m going to combust into goddamn glitter,” I was whining at this point. Which only made the smile on his face widen.

“I swear to God, Ethan. If you don-”

I gasp again as he inserts a finger inside of me while still holding my gaze steadily.

“You swear to God what?” he challenges.

I am too far gone to play it cool. I just want him, and I want all of him now.

“Please.”

He doesn’t bat an eye at my request, but he slowly starts sliding his finger in and out, maintaining eye contact with me. The movement is so unbearably slow, I feel like I could claw his heart out for being such an asshole.  But the flame inside of me is consuming me so I start moving my hips against his finger to make the process faster. Ethan chuckles.

“That’s fucking sexy,” his voice is low with lust, almost a growl.

But still, he does not give in. So, I decide enough is enough and push him off me to the side and he meets the ground.

I hear him laughing and groaning in pain from hitting his elbow on the coffee table.

“Okay, I deserve that,” he starts saying but stops once he realizes I’m on top of him now, already working on the button of his jeans. His hands meet mine to help but I swat them away, already done unbuttoning it. Helping him out of his jeans is nowhere near as graceful as when he did it, but I got it done.

I marvel at the size of him, the wetness between my legs intensifying at the sight. Ethan doesn’t move, aside from placing his hands on my hips once I straddle him, knowing it was my turn to run the show. I slowly run a finger along his member, and I feel him tremble just from the light touch. I smile, looking at all of him. The lines on his stomach are defined, accentuating the tattoo on his left ribcage. I trace a finger over the words, still he doesn’t move. I bent down and licked through the space separating his abs. I hear an intake of breath, but nothing else.

“You’re very patient.” I say calmly.

“Not that patient,” he mutters. I glance at his face, and he looks tortured. His soft curls are framing his face. Mouth in a thin line, eyes half closed- he looked like one of those sculpted Greek gods.

I lean in to kiss him, very softly this time, just a brush of our lips. He tries bringing me closer but stops once he feels me pulling his member inside me. We both moan once he is fully inside, and I start rolling my hips back and forth. I start riding him slowly and start increasing my tempo gradually. Ethan is moaning nonstop, and I feel him swelling up inside of me with every movement, filling up all the space inside me. Finally, he swears under his breath.

“If you’re waiting for me to beg-

I cut him off, “You can help now.”

Without a moment of hesitation, he rolls us over so that he is back on top. He kisses me hard once more before he plunges himself deep into me. I don’t care how loud I’m being as he repeats the motion, each time harder and deeper, hitting my g spot without mercy.  But the tempo does not change.

“Faster.” I demand.

This time he doesn’t tease or ignore my request. He moves faster, his hips rolling into mine, burying himself all the way into my core. Our breathing picks up as we both start reaching our peak. Ethan grabs the back of one of my legs, and wraps it higher up around his back, to get better access to me. At this angle, he reaches the perfect spot and I scream as he rams into me. Confirming he picked the right position; he mercilessly thrusts himself into me repeatedly. I feel all my muscles contract as the pleasure builds up and I have no warning when my orgasm rips through me in an explosion of colors and sensations. I scream his name which lets him know I have reached my peak; it takes him a few more thrusts before he lets his take over, moaning alongside me as he continues to move with me. I feel it when he cums, the warmth inside of me bringing us both to a stop. Breathing heavily, his eyes widen.

“Fuck. I’m so sorry, Y/N. I was going to pull o-”

“I’m on the pill,” I say quickly, to stop his apologies. He lets out a sigh of relief and then falls on me from exhaustion. We stay like that for a few minutes, sharing heavy breaths and silence. Finally, he moves to take the weight of his body off me, laying on his side, but then grabs at my hip to pull me into him, putting us face to face.

Our eyes meet and I cannot for the life of me know what he is thinking, but I know that all I feel is love. I’m afraid of admitting it. We’ve been doing this playful back and forth for 5 months now. But for one reason or another, we never had sex before. I didn’t want to ruin what we had so far. I know I’ve been freaking out about wanting us to be more for the past few weeks, but in this moment after what we just shared, I was okay with waiting until his life was less chaotic. It was selfish of me to be thinking about my needs and not his. He’s a person too.

He runs a finger over my bottom lip, which pulls me from my thoughts. He is looking at me with the sweetest, most tender look I’ve ever seen on him, and my heartbeat picks up at the sight of it.

“Ethan,” I find myself saying his name, though I don’t know what I want to say. His finger leaves my lips and falls on my shoulder. He trails down my arm until he reaches my hand. His fingers now play with mine, but his eyes are still on me, with the same emotion in them.

“I fucked up,” he finally speaks.

I frown at this, my mind quickly going to worst case scenario; he regrets having sex with me. The look on my face must have told him something because he quickly corrects himself.

“Not with this. No, this was… amazing. You are amazing,” he explains. The tightness in my chest lightens.

I wait for him to continue but can see him struggling to put it into words.

“You can tell me anything.” Is all I say.

This visibly calmed him down and the anxiousness seemed to ebb away. He smiles warmly at me, making my heart skip a beat in the process.

“Okay. So. I may, possibly, probably, more than likely have,” he pauses his rambling, lets out a shaky breath, then speaks again.

 “I think I caught feelings for you.”

To be continued…

__________________________

A/N: I am feeling all kinds of way now. Wow. Okay. I might end it here? I'm afraid if I keep going I might ruin it. What do you all think though? Should I do one last part or leave it as is? As always, thanks for reading!🧡

[that-was-a-bit-stupid-of-you]

devi vishwakumar just spent an entire year pining for ben gross, if you even fucking care

[jancysmixtape]

The story has been about them since the very beginning.

[hiiamtheproblem]

Team Paxton for life sorry!