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acourtofquestions · 1 month

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Okay so my week is only getting less conducive to reading & posting so here’s some reaction spam of random round ups throughout ToD & KoA as fast as my thumbs can type them & whatever my brain recalls cause I’ve gotta squeal this out before I implode & then go try to sleep so I don’t fully make tomorrow miserably impossible & long😂

The line in ToD about Nesryn’s nieces & nephews being the light of her life gets me every time🥹😭 I love how we got to see & meet her family, I love how that led to her further connection with Sartaq, I love how his family was close enough to stop with the whole ritualistic murder thing

Chaol’s arc was so well done I have so many thoughts but mostly my old CoM self is just glad to be back here AND YRENE TOWERS MY WYRD I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER literally just I LOVE HER and I want a Baast cat

Inaccessibility being one of the biggest issues is such a relatable real world problem like how have people with magic not figured this out yet I wonder the same thing everytime I go somewhere that doesn’t have ramps handicap parking sign translators etc

Chaol recognizing Celaena’s handwriting and then telling Yrene the story will forever be such a 🥹 moment

The way he healed was beautiful too, the chapter facing Aelin, the discussions with Yrene

And again just AGAIN everything about Yrene

And Nesryn who is so underrated and I just want the world for our Empress queeeeen

The tiny Easter eggs leading to everything essentially rounding up the series to Aelin doing small acts of kindness that come full circle and save everyone is so beautiful

I hate Maeve, I am now claustrophobic, and having my old Peeta days come back to me from HG

Those were some of the most painful chapters I’d ever read

Aelin def knows somethings up with Maeve and the Valg

Dorian planning to take the price is horrifying and yet also comforting and yet horrifying and the two of them plotting it out is making me nervous

KALTAINS GHOST

Dorian and Manon are absolute gold

Them and the thirteen — I mean this content is just fantastic — we’re getting some great Vesta moments

The new power is also interesting & cool

I know Aedion’s hurting but wow could you be anymore of an asshole towards Lys? Look what she did was horrible (mostly cause the whole let’s make the world think you married your cousin thing is wrong on so many levels) that aside she was just doing what HER queen said she loves Aelin she didn’t want this either and he needs to deal with his own shit and stop putting it on Lysandra I mean LYSANDRA OF ALL PEOPLE CAN THE WOMAN GET A BREAK

Darrow I hate you still

Nox I’m still not over you being back thanks buddy I missed ya

Lorcan finding Aelin first and sobbing in relief has so much depth to it I’m gonna have to discuss later

Even their bickering it’s a bit of a relief to have the spark and almost normal… not forgiven just better I guess

And then him saying he already thought Elide was powerful and he crawled for Aelin not Maeve

And all the I CARE ABOUT YOU scenes with SO MANY OF THEM we got Manorian we got Elorcan we still got Rowaelin now we got platonic stuff with Fenrys the list GOES ON

Curious what Rens figuring out cause someone’s gotta be figuring out the whole isn’t Aelin thing and I have a feeling his Lysandra obsession is more than that

Glad to see sweet Evangeline again… I’ll feel better when we get so safe Fleetfoot comes home

Anxious over my war side babies cause there REALLL deep in the bad stuff

The one thing I CAN thank SJM for is not making Fenrys hurt Aelin I spend half the time terrified that was gonna be the next play though the freaky dreams were a whole new level of fucked up not to mention the fact they stole her scars because that’s how mutilated she was and now she’s foreign to herself and my heart hurts

Also the do not yield scene😭

And Fireheart being my new fav all time term of endearment

And their (Fenrys & Aelin) blinking code … honestly I need to put it on a bookmark for frequent translation

And again Fenrys who btw BABE WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME I ABOUT LOST IT WHEN I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD BUT HE BROKE THE OATH FOR HER AND THEN THEIR HUG AND ALL OF IT AND ALSO

I started wondering the same thing about could you double oath it and cancel it out so I finally got my oath answer and lost it again because the iron “take it off” scene… idk which even came first just ow and then LIVE.

The moment Aelin realizes it’s really Rowan

And then he says can I hold you

And then that he’d love her even if she never got back to who she was

And then she’s still storing power away and a half living inferno and probably gonna go save the day

and she’s trying but she doesn’t know what’s real but Fenrys reminded her and she’s trying so hard

And she got the rings

And the I’m so tired Rowan line that broke me again

And the beautiful things glowworm starry night

Then there’s again Elide and Lorcan

The impending Morath

Dorian and Manon shenanigans

All these sub plots I’m sure are gonna be a big deal

Chaol hasn’t even caught up yet

And Yrene is PREGNANT?!

And I still can’t wait for them all to meet

And then AGAIN with the little folk

And the crown of Mab though now it’s kinda got bad vibes tbh

And all the queenlyness Aelin STILL is

And the scene where Rowan sees what would’ve been his children and her seeing how he would’ve been her mate either way

And then her hair being too long and the tattoos gone and this terribly long list

And him coming for her And her thinking he wouldn’t and his words on that

Aelin telling Rowan she didn’t break

Rowan calling Fenrys brother

Elides wisdom always saving the day

Lysandra becoming Wivern and so many things to save them all

Finally meeting the bane

Chaol going back to Anielle

Connall who we barely got to know and idk what was even real

And now no one knows where Maeve or mystery last cadre is

Ugh I need more time but alas this is the round up to shortly delve into more cause I do have annotations lol

Okay this has been fangirl screaming in Wyvern

Ps ABRAXOS HAS A MATE SITTING IN A TREE LOL

#read with me #reading update #fangirl problems #reading reacts #currently reading #first read #no spoilers please #more to come soon #ToD #KoA #spoiler alert KoA and ToD #OW MY SOUL #I LOVE THEM TOO MUCH

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whatiwillsay · 4 years

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submission: we need to talk about ttb (spade-riddles)

Hey Cam. Seeing that ask defending TTB’s doxxing has sort of pushed me to finally share some of my story on Tumblr, I guess. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk about this to anyone fully, so this will probably be long, but I hope you don’t mind me venting.

I’m one of the people that got emailed by TTB. I don’t feel comfortable posting this off anon, but I was in a Discord server with you and @bisluthq and some other people back in Dec/Jan. I don’t know if you remember me, but my name on there was one word and began with an L and ended with an S.

I want to share the full story, but I also don’t feel comfortable with sharing certain details publicly because I’m still very wary of getting outed further by her if she sees this, so I’m gonna be vague about some things

Request to her followers — If you see this, please don’t send this to her. Like I’m genuinely asking you not to because I don’t trust her not to cross any more lines. My dad is a major homophobe with serious anger issues who has literally been arrested for violence before, and she doesn’t really think carefully or maybe even care about how any actions she takes could lead to people being harmed, so I’m not eager to see how she might react.

Anyway, I first got an email back in December, and I was really freaked out by it at first. I spoke to one of my mutuals about it, and although we both agreed it was super weird and invasive and creepy, we ended up trying to see the funny side of it. So, I kinda just brushed it off and moved on. I was mainly just really confused about why I had been targeted because at the time, I thought it was only me who’d gotten an email like that. I didn’t understand why she’d specifically targeted me instead of other people who she clearly disliked a lot more.

About a week later, I saw someone on Tumblr mentioning a strange email, and I realised other people must have gotten them too. I spoke to Nat about what happened to me and ended up in the Discord

At the time, I felt like I’d gotten off really easy comparatively to others because I initially didn’t realise that she’d contacted anyone else. And so I tried to act chill about it because I didn’t want to make things about me, but honestly, I was extremely anxious. I felt on edge for over a week. I would keep checking her blog again and again because I was super worried that she would post our personal details publicly. I scrolled through my entire blog from start to finish and deleted a lot of posts that were either personal or that I just didn’t want anyone I knew in real life to read.

This part I have to be vague about because it would basically give away who I am, but it was only a while later when I thought I was in the clear that someone I knew in real life texted me and mentioned seeing a weird email about me. The email had been sent a while back, and they’d been shown it by the original recipient/s. Multiple people had been shown it, but luckily (kinda), only two of those people were actually people I saw on a regular basis

I’m mostly closeted, but I’m kind of technically out to a few of my immediate family members. But it’s very much a DADT situation because they’re not accepting, and they like to just pretend I’m straight. And so I basically have to act closeted even when I’m around them, and I can’t even ALLUDE to being gay.

But with my dad, it’s different. He’s very homophobic. I’m only gonna mention this next part so that people understand what kind of dangerous situation that TTB could have put me in. (And the other people that she doxxed too because she didn’t know how safe their individual situations were). It’s all really personal, and I wouldn’t ordinarily feel comfortable sharing any of this at all, even anonymously, but I think it needs to be said because her actions were extremely fucking irresponsible.

Right, so when I first “came out” to my dad, it was actually an accident, and he reacted… extremely badly. This was back in like… 2018 or 2019, I can’t remember the exact year

(TW // physical abuse, homophobia)

He was extremely angry, literally shaking. He yelled at me, he described in graphic detail how he was going to “break every bone in my body”, “strangle the life out of me”, “drown me”, etc. He kept telling me that I’m disgusting and going to Hell, you get the idea. He was having a lot of fun with making strangling motions and stabbing motions with his hands, and he kept slamming his hand onto the table. That went on for about 15 minutes, and then he stood up and threw a chair from the dining table at me. That was fun lol. And he punched me in the head pretty hard which kinda knocked me back. I felt dizzy, I had to sit down on the floor. At that point, my mum who had been crying and asking him to stop physically intervened, and he ended up storming out of the house instead. My mum’s a genuinely good person btw. She’s a little homophobic, but she cares about me a lot, and I’m very grateful for her. She hates him too, but she’s kinda stuck with him… It wasn’t her fault

He literally hates gay people. He complains about us on the regular. One time, he threw the remote at the TV and cracked the screen just because there was a gay male couple kissing onscreen. Another time, he threw a rock at a gay man on the street. There was also a time where he forced a few of my siblings (who didn’t want to do it) to throw peeled oranges out of the window at people celebrating pride while he drove past them and yelled insults at them. He found that really funny. Anyway, I’m sure you guys get the idea of what kind of person he is

He hasn’t laid a hand on anybody in several months though, so I do think he’s trying to be better at least. Like he’s still verbally abusive and controlling and awful, but I appreciate that he’s at least making an effort to calm down with the hitting and kicking and stuff

Anyway, with my dad, it’s less DADT and more that I think he’s got it in his head that he managed to scare me into “seeing the error of my ways” and that I’ve “stopped choosing to be gay” and that I’m now straight. So, if it had been HIM who had gotten that email, it would’ve been like… extremely bad. Like I’m getting anxious just thinking about it. And this is why I’m so angry at TTB. It was extremely, extremely irresponsible of her to not consider these kinds of possibilities before she sent out her stupid emails. She’s supposed to be an ally, but it didn’t even cross her mind that these emails would lead to people being outed and possibly even harmed?? It’s not okay at all. I’m just very grateful that she didn’t send one to him because I don’t even know what kind of situation I would be in right now.

Anyway, enough about my fucking awful dad… I feel uncomfortable that I even typed all of that out, but I wanted people to understand how dangerous her actions could have been. Like I mean, my dad’s got PTSD and extreme anger issues from his teenage years, so I do try not to judge him TOO harshly, but there’s no excuse for being a huge bigot or occasionally violent. The idea of him being the one who got that email is still so scary to me. Like my heart is racing just thinking about it

One of the people that DID read the email was the male friend I mentioned earlier though. He was shown it by someone else for a particular reason, and he was a very important person to me. Like he was a good guy, we were close, he helped me out with certain personal issues I have and is one of only two people that I know in real life that I felt comfortable confiding in about them. We’d always meet up once a week, sometimes twice, and we’d just talk about stuff and make an effort to help each other out with things. Like he was very important to me.

It turns out that he’d looked through my blog before I’d got around to scrubbing it, and he asked me if I was gay in person the next time we met up. I couldn’t lie because like… he’d have known I was lying right to his face. So, I told him I was, and you should have seen his face. It made me feel so awful about myself. He looked really stunned and shocked and kinda uncomfortable. Like it got so awkward, and I started rambling and making things worse. He was avoiding eye contact, and my voice was shaking.

I ended up making up an excuse to leave about 5 mins later and had an actual anxiety attack. Again, this is embarrassing and something I’d never usually talk about online, but I just want to get it all off my chest so that I can move past it all.

So, I was like on the verge of tears (I don’t cry easily), I couldn’t breathe properly, I was pacing around the building, and I just wanted to escape, so I headed straight for the doors. There was a queue of about 100 people lined up and waiting to leave, and I couldn’t think straight or breathe and just needed to be outside, so I tried to go out through the other exit which is for staff only. The security guard stopped me and basically publicly humiliated me in front of all of those people. He loudly shamed me and said I “didn’t have any decency” for attempted to jump the queue, lectured me in this really condescending tone, and then sent me right to the back of that huge line. Meanwhile, I was literally in the midst of a bad anxiety attack.

And then I eventually got outside and had to call my mum to come and pick me up instead of just making my own way home like I usually do. She’s amazing though tbh because she actually came to get me and didn’t even question why. I had to skip all of my plans for the rest of the day and instead just hid upstairs in my bedroom with the lights off until the next day. I refused to tell any of my family members what had happened even though they kept asking. I just felt so, so awful, and my anxiety was through the roof

To be honest, before that happened, my mindset was like: “I mean, if I get outed, it obviously wouldn’t be good, but I think I’d be able to deal with it fine”. But then, when it actually happened, and I saw the way my close friend reacted, I had like a whole emotional breakdown lol. It’s like, you think you’d be fairly chill in a situation, but when it actually happens, your reaction can be really unpredictable. I was so embarrassed by everything about that entire incident. I didn’t even want to show my face the next day.

It’s been almost two months since that happened, and in that entire time, my friend has contacted me once. We literally used to meet up once or twice a week (and during lockdown, we’d do video calls or phone calls instead), but since then, we’ve barely even spoken. Things are just so awkward now. I know this sounds stupid, but I feel like TTB’s taken one of my best friends away from me. I don’t think he’s a homophobe or anything, he has openly gay friends and is fairly accepting, but I think it’s just the way that he found out that has just made things so weird between us now. I feel like if I’d had the chance to come out to him myself in my own way, he wouldn’t have reacted like that. But I’m gonna text him next week and see if we can maybe try to fix our friendship, but I doubt it at this point

The other people who were shown the email, I mostly just avoid. I don’t really care about them knowing that much because I wasn’t close to them, but it’s just really embarrassing knowing that they probably scrolled through my Tumblr blog before I scrubbed it

And about Tumblr… This used to be the only place that I could fully be myself. It was like a “safe space” for me which feels ironic now. But I haven’t been active on my blog since December. I still lurk occasionally, but I just don’t feel comfortable here anymore. I did consider deleting my current blog and starting afresh with a new one, but I don’t think it’d make much of a difference… Like she’s kind of ruined Tumblr for me. I do still enjoy reading people’s blogs every now and then, but I don’t feel relaxed here anymore, I just feel on edge.

It’s mainly the fact that SHE’S still here. She still has a platform, she still has a bunch of followers. It’s been so hard seeing her face next to no consequences whatsoever for the horrible things that she’s done to so many different people. And it upsets me that she hasn’t even acknowledged that what she did was wrong. Plus, it makes me feel even worse that the Hard Kay blogs and some other people are still supporting her and pretending that this whole thing just didn’t happen. Like do they just not care? Or is it that she’s twisted things and made them believe that the situation was different to what it actually was?

And tbh, this whole situation has even set me back in my own sort of personal self-acceptance journey. I had such bad internalised homophobia when I was younger, and it took me so many years to get to a place where I had mostly accepted myself. But now I just feel ashamed again, and I’ve gone back to my old habit of trying to force myself to be attracted to men. Like I downloaded Tinder the other day and set my preference to men and was swiping through profiles. It’s kinda silly actually. I did snap out of it and delete the app the next day though. But I don’t know, I feel like this whole thing has just kinda fucked with me a bit. I am trying to work this stuff out and get back to normal though. I think I’ll be good again in maybe a month or so, hopefully.

And… yeah. I just really resent her, and this situation upsets me. Because the reason she did this was so petty and ridiculous, and I guess she didn’t even realise how much it would impact people? Like I do know that my situation wasn’t as bad as some of the other people’s situations, and I feel really bad for them, and I hope they’re all doing okay. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for them. But it still has impacted me a lot more than I actually thought it would. I thought I’d get over it within a couple of weeks. But it’s been like two months, and I’m still not completely over it

I know it might not sound like a huge thing, but being outed really does affect you, even if it’s only to a few people. Because to me, I feel like I’ve had my sense of like, security and comfort taken away, and it’s kinda distressing. Sorry if I sound dramatic with any of this, I just really needed to say all of this stuff to other people besides myself lol

Like her actions have literally led to me being outed to a few people. A close friendship that I had has basically been ruined. I don’t feel comfortable or secure on Tumblr anymore, even though it used to be an important outlet for me. I’ve had a resurgence of anxiety about my sexuality. Etc.

And again, my dad is extremely homophobic and literally made death threats to me and physically attacked me back when I accidentally came out to him in 2018 or 2019. And if he had gotten that email, I don’t even know what would have happened. I don’t think he would have like… SERIOUSLY physically harmed me, but there would definitely have been a repeat of the first incident. More throwing chairs at me and hitting and screaming and death threats. I don’t really want to think about it.

It just bothers me that she didn’t even consider that? Like did it not even cross her mind? And my dad is bad, but I’m sure there are people in the fandom who have even worse parents, and she could have got one of those people instead. It’s just so… I don’t know, it’s just so frustrating to me.

Anyway, I just hate her for what she did… Like maybe I shouldn’t, but I really do resent her so much, and I don’t think I could forgive her even if she apologised to us all (which I don’t think she even would because she doesn’t seem to have any decency whatsoever). The least she could do is at least express some kind of remorse, but she just genuinely doesn’t care, and that’s super messed up. All over some stupid Tumblr blog that is much less important than she thinks it is.

But anyway… I apologise for the whole rant, and if anybody read all the way down to here, I appreciate it. I do actually feel a bit better now that I’ve got this all typed out. And I’m sorry for the oversharing lol, I usually don’t do this, but I just felt like I really needed to tell people and get it off my chest so that I can try to get over it — L

submisssion⬆️⬆️⬆️

ok L i am trying to remain calm here because this isn’t about me. but i am very emotional right now. i am so so so infinitely sorry that you had to go through this harrowing and terrifying experience. ttb (now blogging under spade-riddles) is absolutely disgusting, lower than dirt, that she would put your life, safety, and well-being at risk over a fucking kaylor blog.

please please please im me or get in touch somehow because i want to offer you support. have you been financially impacted by this? we can raise money. do you need therapy? we can help you find the support you need. this community is unequivocally here for you. whatever you need, if it’s in my power to help you get it, i will. you have my solemn promise on that.

i am so deeply and desperately sorry that you have gone through this. i was shaking while reading your story.

i am in touch with other people and we are in discussion about the best way to let tumblr know what happened. this will be a safe space for you (and all of us) again if it’s the last thing i do. this community is 100% here for you in any way we can help, sending you all the support and love we have.

#submission #tw: abuse #tw: homophobia

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omegawolverine · 4 years

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Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

#shit self #asks #the get down #mylene cruz #shaolin fantastic #dizzee kipling #long post #analysis #info dump #idk if anon has seen tgd or is just being nice so i tried givinh background to things #kinz #bangerz #discourse

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earthlyemily · 4 years

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I’m struggling so much financially and honestly just wanted to vent somewhere. I’ve always lived in poverty and I think in my whole life I’ve had maybe 2 years where I didn’t have to stress about money and not be able to buy groceries or pay rent or be put into collections for not being able to make payments etc and that was when I was in college. For at least the past 5 years I’ve been struggling but I never talk about it. I don’t even know where to start haha I don’t even know what it’s like to not stress financially and be in debt. I’ll just start with the first things that come to mind with what I’m owing maybe. So it’s Dec. 23 and rent was due yesterday because we moved into this small suite attached to someone’s house on Nov. 22. It’s $1200 which is so expensive, but also the average price for BC if not even cheaper for a one-bedroom with a yard, utilities included. and no first and last, no pet deposits, etc because this is just short them for 4 months until the end of March because i reached out and asked and they said yes.

After 1 month I already remember why we went into the trailer almost 2 years ago and it’s literally because we can’t afford any other lifestyle. I think that’s the difference between us and some people that live in trailers, vans, etc. like we lived in a mouse & mouse shit infested trailer for 6 months breathing in their feces and urine and having it all over all our belongings. i literally had to take my whole life to the dump and we officially have no food storage because they ruined it all. there were at least 50-60 mice because a few birth cycles happened in the ceiling. I could write a whole post about my experience of living with field mice, but now isn’t the time so for rent, i only had $600 yesterday so that’s what I gave them. thank goodness they were okay with me asking for a few more days to make the other half. but I don’t even know when that’s going to be :(

my etsy shop veganveins has been doing so bad lately for more than one reason, most of my orders are just postcards and stickers, and while I’m grateful for them, that $1-3 profit isn’t going to keep my business going. and it’s so hard for me to work lately. the wifi doesn’t work sometimes for hours and I always get distracted by shawn and the dogs working from home in a small space. I need to get better at my time management. I got up at 8:30 today which is actually early for me so I’m proud of myself. I’m chronically ill and I really need to go get a blood test and see what’s happening because I haven’t gotten one since being diagnosed with graves disease again 1.5 years ago. anyways. i switched to a print on demand method this year for veganveins for some shirts and sweaters because i couldn’t afford to keep ordering shirts in bulk, and it’s honestly been so, so expensive and i barely make any profit. I’m currently owing my t-shirt printer $999 on one invoice (it was originally $2196 so I’ve at least paid half of it) but that was 2 weeks ago and I still need to pay it. Mario, my t-shirt printer has been with me since I started veganveins and I’m so grateful he gives me extensions on paying the invoices. every other t-shirt printer I’ve ever asked has said no. in addition to the $999 there’s going to be another $2200 invoice I’ll be receiving this week for my last order. I think because of the holidays he’s going to give me some time to pay off that too, but the problem is when I have outstanding invoices he doesn’t print new orders for me. He’s closed now until Jan. 4 so I just need to somehow make that much before then.

btw I don’t have a credit card ($8500 all used on veganveins and it got put into collections last march) and I had a fully used $5000 line of credit but I got a debt consolidation loan for $16,000 1 month ago and my payment for that is $167 a month. it fully paid off and closed my credit card and line of credit + $3000 overdraft which is nice. but now I don’t have any extra money except for what comes in. my credit is only 640 which is really bad in canada so I won’t get approved for a new credit card or loan until I build that up, which is going to be a few months of regular payments. so for regular payments, the $167 for the loan is due on Dec. 27. Yesterday the trailer loan which is literally unliveable from what the mice did until we renovate it came out for $260, that’s how much I pay once a month for it on the 22nd. I didn’t have $260 in my account so it got rejected and I got charged a $48 NSF fee. omg if anyone is reading this long i’m shook. i’m genuinely just writing this for myself to process my feelings and in case anyone was curious about my financial situation here you go haha. maybe some of you can relate, maybe some can’t. anyways. so now I somehow have to get $260 in my account for that for when they try to take it out again in the next few days.

another payment that was supposed to come out yesterday but hasn’t, but I’m sure will come out today is our truck loan. they deferred it for 8 months because of covid which was so nice, but we started paying it again 2 months ago. for both those months I called and made my payment a later date and that helped, but there’s barely any service here so when I called 4 times yesterday to try and change the date the payment comes out, I was on hold for 20-30 mins then my phone would disconnect and hang up. so that’s $586 and it will come out today, I have $0.46 in my account right now so it will get rejected and I’ll get charged another $48 NSF fee. this is why being poor always costs more and the banks are always harsher on those who don’t have money. today I’ll try calling again to see if I can ask for it to come out on a different day like january 10 instead, so I can first have time to pay rent and the trailer and also our $190 truck insurance which got rejected from my account 3 days ago, which was another $48 NSF fee. oh and something else i’m so stressed about is CIBC is going to put me into collections on December 28 if I don’t pay $1000, $700 of which is purely their fees. I have a $300 overdraft which they said i have to cover by then and the $700 is literally their $48 fees added up over the past 3 months. I got a text from them today saying my account is over and it’s because an amnesty international $11 monthly donation came out and obvi there’s no money in there, so that’s another $48 they charged. they’ve already given me a month to pay it and don’t want to wait any longer :(

I owe everyone in my family money, my sister $1650, my mom $700 and my brother also lent me $700. none of my siblings have money either and my mom definitely doesn’t so I hate that i had to borrow that much, and it’s literally been months. thankfully they’re so patient but i can’t wait to not owe them that

omg and i can’t even think about the amount of money shawn’s grandma has lent us. she’s genuinely the only reason we haven’t been completely homeless. but it’s a lot. like i don’t even want to say the number on here. she let us use it from her line of credit over the years and we’ve been slowly paying her back, but she lets us go months at a time without making a payment which i honestly hate doing, but have no choice. i’ve felt a lot of shame and guilt about this, but I also know that she genuinely would rather help us than see us suffer.

so i’m gonna talk about a big reason I’m broke this month especially - saving a pig named buster. his rescue cost me $1850 out of pocket that I didn’t have. but otherwise he was going to be killed in 2 days, he was my baby and I loved him so I had to do it. I somehow made $1350 that went towards it but I’m still owing $500, which I just asked for an extension for today until the new year. i’m not really supposed to talk about it but everything I’ve ever posted here has stayed here, so that cost was literally just from me buying the pig off the farmer. myself along with everyone else ive talked to is disgusted that he charged that much, but he wasnt budging and if that’s what it was going to take, of course I’m going to do it. I wouldn’t think twice about doing it for my dogs and Buster was smarter and more affectionate than them. i love him and I’m so happy he was saved. a non-profit organization transported him to a sanctuary and it was my biggest wish come true and the happiest moment I’ve had all year. my eyes are literally tearing up haha i love him so much. i could write a whole post about his neglect but basically he hasn’t had fresh water in weeks, he was only being fed handfuls of mixed nuts, he was constantly dirty in a muddy enclosure with an electric fence that he was always getting shocked on. he never got true love or affection except for when I gave him it. i posted an instagram story about him and asked people to message me and that i needed help, 2 people donated $111 and $120 each, and 2 other people donated $15 and $12. Someone also e-transferred me $20. These 4 donations equaled almost $300 ($277) and I was so grateful for those people wanting to help me help buster. if anyone else wants to help me with the cost of his rescue i still do need help and would appreciate it so much. this feels really weird and vulnerable for me to do and i’m sorry if anyone is annoyed by this post, I just genuinely am struggling and figured if someone does have extra and wants to help, there isn’t harm in that. but i do feel guilty for asking because i know there are so many other people struggling out there that need even more help than i do :(

i haven’t talked about it publically but i guess I will now, this farmer that I bought buster off of is the owner of the organic vegetable farm i was living and working at this past spring and summer. we worked really hard all summer to be able to stay there and park for free in the winter, but this past fall he told us no one was allowed to stay at the farm anymore, including us, so we had to find a new place to bring our 14ft trailer in to live. so that was an unexpected bummer and if we had known we wouldn’t be allowed staying there anymore (despite doing the labour of $1200 a month for free harvesting organic kale, for an off-grid spot he told us was worth $350 a month to park) we wouldn’t have driven 8 hours with the trailer and we would have stayed in the snow in northern BC and sucked it up and lived on the land we got the opportunity to rent this fall. Donna, the woman who is renting the land to us has been the biggest blessing in my life this year. I love her so much. Basically, she’s letting us live on 170 acres for $600 a month. letting us do whatever we want on the land (building a cabin, setting up rainwater catchment systems, having a solar passive greenhouse and a huge garden) LIKE WHAT. we could even open a farm sanctuary if we had money, i wanted to so bad but obviously that dream didn’t even come close to being reality. opportunities like this literally don’t exist in canada, especially not in BC. i cant even process my gratitude, i cry everytime i think about it. when we go back in the spring it’s going to be the beginning of the rest of our life :) i want to rescue so many senior dogs. everything we’ve always wanted to do we’ll be able to do, assuming we have money haha. but i want to have an organic farm and grow veggies to donate to families in need, especially since we live on stolen indiginious land and I see how the goverment actively restricts their access to fresh healthy produce. but anyways by then it was too dangerous to drive 8 hours back hauling a trailer in the snow and it was just easier to stay in the okanagan until the spring. i know the farmer probably doesn’t realize this and he’s also probably struggling financially but not being able to stay at the farm for the winter months we worked for, and buying buster for that price is a big reason I’m in the financial stress I am now so I figured i’d talk about it.

anyways. i think this is long enough and i think anyone reading this gets the point, i’m drowning in debt, my small business is almost costing me more to run and i’m not making nearly enough profit to live, the past few months ive been living off grid (not by choice) and just focused literally on surviving and not freezing and getting water etc and not having service or internet has affected me negatively. there’s internet now in the suite I’m in, it works really good in the morning and not as well at night, like for example tumblr doesn’t work past 5 pm for me to post photos. but ive been in a bad sleep schedule since i got here that i need to change. im sick and i need to heal myself. tomorrow i’ll set my alarm for 7:30. hopefully i make some money today. i got a social media managing job and it will end up being $1000 a month once i do the 3+ hours a day of work which im already feeling like i barely have time for my own basic life tasks. but i can do this.

if anyone reading this wants to help me out a bit, my paypal email is [email protected] or http://www.paypal.com/paypalme/veganveins

and my e-transfer email is [email protected] i have auto deposit so you won’t have to ask a question :)

this is my first time in 7 years i’ve made a post like this or asked for help. i won’t do it again but figured i have nothing to lose. if you read up to here i love you a lot and thank you so much for being here <3

#personal #finances #broke #poor #vegan #small business owner #graves disease #saving animals #off grid #I wonder if anyone will even read this all #debt #life update lol #p

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ayellowcurtain · 4 years

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Would you mind giving a description of the type of character sander is pls? I can't get a handle on him. At times he was inconsistent in s3(this is partially bc of the writing and partially) bc he was trying to conceal parts of himself from Robbe and exaggerating his personality to impress Robbe. The source material was a huge crutch in parts of this storytelling, then sobbe lost some spark in parts of wtfockdown, fanon help fill the empty spaces and now the transmedia is evolving him too. Help?

I’m gonna try to help you, anon but I guess what I’m gonna say is basically my opinion and so it might differ from what’s canon or what other people think of him and also gonna link you to some prior posts I already made talking a little bit of him:

- Sander’s similarities with Eliott about how sometimes they struggle to deal with emotions

- Sander and his parents, his home life and his relationship with them

- Why was Sander going back and forth with Britt

Now onto your real answer:

I think Sander, as a character, is a solid one. He as a human being in some universe is imperfect, has his flaws and maybe his bad judgment at times, of situations and of people.

Is not because he’s a fictional character that he needs to be perfect, to always say and do the right thing.

If WTFock did him (and Robbe) dirty was mainly because of their complete lack of understanding of what pacing is. I don’t think season 3 was that badly written. It does has some horrible pacing at times, yes (OHN being on a Monday can only be a joke!!!!).

I don’t think he was purposefully exaggerating his personality. I’m sure the Sander we now know isn’t exactly as loud and out there as we saw during the supermarket clip, for example. But he was freaking out, and being obnoxious without meaning to.

To me, it felt like was mostly freaking out, not sure what to do with himself because the boy he saw once during a random night was there, all alone with him, accepting to go out to go grocery shopping.

That’s just an example but it’s the same behavior I see when he says they won after he shot Britt during the paintball scene, when he sings Bowie to Robbe while they see the girls walking away after the Noor x Robbe fight, or when he goes to Robbe’s place the next day and tries to kiss him. All this moments, to me, feel like a boy that doesn’t know what to do with himself, how to behave when he’s around someone he’s falling so deeply and hard for.

We often see the Evens as these cool creatures, confident, sweet, chill. But we have to remember that’s just the first impression (and from their Isaks’ POV), and after they get to know each other, the Evens are often shy, insecure, kind of lone wolves to some degree.

So what I thought could be seen as “inconsistent” of Sander was just him probably freaking out he was spending time with Robbe, the boy that the moon was shining on him and that Sander knew was the one.

That’s why I assume putting “original” characters after two seasons feels a little bit like crutches (with their background stories) because if you think about it, we always know most of the characters in Skam since season 1, so even when they’re not main characters, we got to know them in the background at least, to get some information throughout the other seasons.

We feel more connected to Robbe (and every Isak), and his background story because we’ve been hearing about it for two seasons.

We know he has a messy house situation, we know his relationship with Jens is kinda platonic but also very brother like (with slaps, saying rude things to each other, etc), we know some people think he’s gay, we know he’s a caring friend because of the way he was with Jana during her season. All this information we got before his season. So when he was main, there was no need to build background around him because we already had most of these informations before.

Sander is a complete stranger to us. And WTFock even gave us two episodes of just Robbe, to get to know him even more but also leaving less time for us to connect with Sander. So what we got of him was mostly WITH Robbe and ABOUT his feelings for Robbe. We know where he studies because Noor told this in ONE line.

The fandom often falls deeply in love with Even because of what we see through their lovers eyes and for how soft, caring, and representative he is (with being bipolar and pan) but I feel like we get more of who he is and his background in Sana’s season. We learn more about his past, his friends, his MI, his beliefs or curiosity about faith, etc.

Even if we barely see him with the balloon squad, watching them we see the type of people Even (or Sander) would like to be surrounded with.

I know people are not the biggest fans of Sobbe during WTFockdown, but I said this before, and I’ll say it again: I think I love them even more after. Even the cybersex part because I thought it was cute, the way Sander was saying he shouldn’t have pushed Robbe into doing it the past week, or how they look at each other and the things they say and how clearly they’re still trying to find the middle ground both of them are willing to experiment with.

Anyway, I thought it was cute, and I thought it was necessary, with the conversations about the attack (WTFock made a horrible writing decision not letting this happen during the season, but at least they gave us something), about Robbe’s traumas that are still very much alive, about his mom and how well she’s doing most of the time, how Robbe is still trying to help her in any way he can. And also about boundaries, about Robbe, that same boy that was calling Sander the F word is now so out and proud, asking Milan about cybersex, talking to his friends about it (because he did tell the boys what they did or Aaron wouldn’t be trying to have cybersex with Amber and the boys wouldn’t be taking their clothes off for Sander’s bday).

I think WTFock would use Sobbe for as much content as they can because they know that’s their golden couple. The Willems have a unique chemistry that’s out of this world, they’re both amazing actors and WTFock knows they’re solid, that the fandom will watch, engage in whatever these characters are involved in and that they boys will deliver every time, no matter how odd the circumstances are. The WTFock team knows they can give these boys a few lines and let they create a scene out of it and it’ll still be good content.

After this long ass post I’ll have to tell you that Sander is:

Mostly private, reserved, some would say shy but I think he just saves himself the energy and the trouble so he only really engages with who he really wants. In this case, Robbe, and the people that are important to Robbe because, again, Robbe is the most important person. I really think (and hope) that when Sander keeps saying “it’s you and me, always”, he really means it. Like they’re one, a solid team that works so well together to tackle any and everything.

A natural flirt. I mean, look at him, you know? And he doesn’t even have to try. And when he tries, it’s over for anyone else because he’ll be eating a marshmallow in that way he did with Britt, he’ll be kissing his girl like he wishes he could be kissing Robbe, he’ll be licking your ear, and dragging you out of a bar, purring please say at yours like no fucking other.

He’s a full on artist. He loves any type of art, he loves talking about art, he loves doing art, painting, drawing, taking pictures, listening to music, thinking about all the intense colors. I’m sure he’s a very visual person in his brain too. If you ask him about how he’s feeling, it’ll be probably easier to draw what he fells than write.

Again, nobody likes talking about this but Sander is a horny one. And he knows how to tease with the stepping back before Robbe can kiss him, he knows what to say, how to look at you with those shiny lips, wetting his lips with his tongue all the time, asking to have cybersex. And I’m also sure he’s really good at sex and enjoys it so very much.

When you’re not Robbe, and when you’re not involved with Robbe, when Robbe doesn’t care about you, Sander can be hard like a brick. He’ll scream at you with no shame if you get under his skin because he really doesn’t care. He’s finally fully happy, with the guy he thinks is the one and he doesn’t want to spend a second of his energy with you so he won’t even try.

I think he has a really small filter from what he thinks and what he says. Like when he says Robbe can bribe the teacher, or when firts with Robbe while Britt is taking a shower, or when he says they need to put some better music instead of making out with his boyfriend during the last episode.

His “all the way or no way” line is basically words he lives by and he’s also a taurus, like myself, so he really means those words with any aspect of his life.

He forgave Robbe so easily after the F word scene because 1) he’s a teenagers, he won’t be thinking as hard as the fandom did about it 2) again, it’s Robbe and he can get away with anything because Sander is completely gone for this boy that he won’t be able to stay mad even when he knows he should because he wants to be with Robbe, that’s it.

He and Robbe are very close, not only as boyfriends, I feel like right now, after everything that happened between Robbe and the boys and Sander with Britt (and probably the ballon squad) they’re very picky with trying to start new relationships, and they know they’re solid with each other, they have similar taste and opinions. Robbe softens Sander’s edges a little bit and Sander makes Robbe a little more confident in being himself, picking himself first.

I hope this very long, ridiculous answer helps you a little bit, anon, don’t mind me getting carried away talking about characters I love :’D

#wtfock #sander driesen

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scorlettimagines · 4 years

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Thoughts on Part 4

So last night I finished Part 4 and put out this post asking if you guys wanted to share your thoughts on the last season of our beloved show. I woke up this morning to quite a few responses so I decided to culminate all of the ones I could respond to onto this post and share my own opinions.

If anyone has anything else they would like to share, please feel free to do so either by sending me an ask or reblogging this post (this is a side blog so replying to the post, as much as I appreciate it, doesn’t let me respond as @scorlettimagines). Okay, here goes:

@fearisholdingmedown: lol the whole season didn't make any sense and the ending skdnmgh Sabrina and Nick?????? and Zelda questioning Hecate? and just. left me really underwhelmed

I agree with this. I was extremely underwhelmed with the season; don’t get me wrong, some parts were great and really made me smile, but other parts? To me, and to my Dad who watches it with me, it felt like the writers tried to cram too much into it. There were definitely plot lines that didn’t get wrapped up, and things that seemed out of character for some.

Zelda questioning Hecate: I kind of understand, because wouldn’t you obviously question your Goddess after you prayed to her to save your niece/daughter and she didn’t? It is out of character for Zelda to question her faith, but I don’t blame her; she’s never lost Sabrina permanently before and I imagine it’s broken her a fair bit.

Sabrina and Nick at the end: Okay, so when Nick showed up at the end, my first thought was that a lot of time had passed and Nick had had a sort of happy, but long, life. When he said he went swimming in the Sea of Sorrows, I was disappointed. To be honest, I was a bit disappointed with Nick’s character this whole season; it feels like the writers didn’t put enough effort into him and just reduced him to a love interest. (I felt that with another character too but we’ll get to that later). Yay they got reunited, but also not yay for the way it happened at the end.

@screechingexpertpruneneck: I loved the ending. I loved that Sabrina saved everyone but sucks she died. I think we can all agree that Ambrose is by far the smartest character on the show. Caliban obviously deserved better. Nick proved himself worthy of Sabrina this season and I’m glad there together now. I still can’t believe he killed himself just to be with her.

I did actually like the end; yes it was sad that Sabrina died, but it was a nice way to wrap up the show. I think her heroic qualities got detracted from in the last season with the whole Queen of Hell thing so it was nice to see her get those back. Kiernan smashed it with the death scene, and that whole montage of her birthdays had me in tears.

Ambrose is 100% the smartest character on this show. To me, he was the best thing about this season, as he was one of the only ones who seemed not to have changed at least slightly. Ambrose has been my favourite character since the pilot. I don’t write about him because his character is so complex, so eccentric, so fully-fledged that I don’t think I could do that justice. It was nice to see that Ambrose remained that way until the end, and I’m not going to lie, I could watch a whole spin off show about him. This is me being calm before I get to the next point. Oh God, I’m running out of things to say here. Prepare yourselves guys, here goes.

Can someone please explain to me how the fuck-fuck-fuckity-fuck-fuck Caliban went from Prince of Hell, main villain of last season to well, that? Like when he showed up dancing, I was so confused. Like, they missed out the whole section about what happened after Sabrina literally turned him to stone? The wedding was bizarre; I wanted Calbrina a few months ago, but I don’t anymore. Then in episode 3, when he was sitting on the throne and revealed his plan (you can bet your bottom dollar I’m going to be using that for imagines) hope was restored. He was still the crafty little shit that I fell in love with back in January. But then, it was never mentioned again? Like, he was just there. As Sabrina Morningstar’s husband? For me, it was cringy and I feel like the writers definitely didn’t put enough effort into him- it was like they didn’t know what to do with him. Although, his part in the AU episode made me laugh. Considering that I’ve been following Sam Corlett’s career over 2020 and I know how well he can act, I was disappointed to see him reduced to basically a prop for a bit of eye candy. His “death” was anti-climactic and a bit shit. Anyway, Caliban to me is always gonna remain the Caliban he was in Part 3 (and tiny little bits of Part 4) because there’s character development and then there’s just taking the mick.

Nick, yeah. He did prove himself worthy of Sabrina, and I cried when they got back together, but as I mentioned before, I feel like that’s all he was used for this season. He didn’t really get a proper arc like previous seasons, and the fact that he killed himself just to be with her grated on me a bit, because that’s not what I would have expected from a character like him.

@robinisthebestfellow: Can we just talk about how random some of it was I mean like oh he’s good and honest annnnd then no

Assuming you mean Caliban? Just to add to the above rant, I didn’t want him to be nice. Yes, I write about him being nice in my imagines, but I always try to keep some of his actual character in my work (at least, I hope I do). But yeah, for my rant on Caliban see above.

@eyebagsarebetterthanhandbags: Whoever was on costume design for prudence knocked it out of the park she was gorgeous every millisecond of screen time- wished her and Ambrose made up tho at the very least😔 they were my fave couple

Prudence was another favourite of mine this season; she didn’t change in her character and she was, of course, absolutely stunning. For her and Ambrose to make up would have been lovely, but I have a feeling from how close they were in the final episode that the writers were planning on it.

@itscoldinwonderland: Lilith, Zelda and Ambrose all deserve so much better.

Okay, starting with Lilith. I agree here. I feel like the whole Hell family (Lucifer, Caliban, Lilith etc) was just used and abused this season. I think she got better as the season went on, but for me, killing the baby was a bit extreme. Her last scene was mental; I don’t think she deserved to go as insane as she did, but well done to her for finally taking down Lucifer. Fuck the patriarchy.

Zelda. Yes. Yes. Yes. She deserved to be happy. Miranda Otto killed it this season with the emotional side of things. The whole thing with Vinegar Tom made me sob harder than anything else this season; it was something I relate to and well done to Miranda for getting that across perfectly.

Ambrose. I would have liked to have seen a more rounded ending for him rather than just standing at Sabrina’s graveside. But discussing seeing more of Ambrose’s character would open up a whole can of worms, for example, WHY did he try to blow up the Vatican?

@supportstudies: it was so weird?? I guess it’s because the writers had to rush the ending but now I have more questions- also sad bc I wanted more caliban

I was under the impression that this was written before the show got cancelled, but if they already knew then this makes more sense. For me, a lot was rushed and there were a lot of questions that were left unanswered.

Caliban? You’ve seen the above rant, you know how I feel about that.

@lizmny3: Mambo Marie really had me there

Same, lovely, same. More for Zelda than any other reason.

Okay, so that’s it for now. Again, if anyone has anything else they would like to share please do. Requests are open again now and you should be getting another Caliban imagine next week (fingers crossed). I’m off to write two bibliographies now. Wish me luck!

#caos #caos spoilers #Chilling Adventures of Sabrina #caos imagines #chilling adventures of sabrina imagines #Caliban #caliban imagines #nick scratch #nick scratch imagines #Nicholas Scratch #nicholas scratch imagines #harvey kinkle #harvey kinkle imagines

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howtosingit · 4 years

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YOUR ANALYSIS OF THE HUG JUST MADE ME SO HAPPY SO SO HAPPY I have a question for you now what do you think of TK grabbing Carlos’ hand because I just can’t GET OVER IT he’s so tentative but confident in his decision and then he places their intertwined fingers on his stomach AND CRADLES CARLOS’ HAND WITH HIS OWN IN HIS SWEATSHIRT POCKET?!?!?!? I’m so in love with these two they give us so much <3<3

Anon, bless you for appreciating that nearly 3,000-word diatribe about a moment that literally lasts for 2 seconds - a moment that I will truly never recover from, let’s be honest. I’m so glad that you love it too!

At the end of that post I mentioned the hand-holding moment in their final scene, but you’re totally right - I think that moment deserves its own post. This won’t be as long as the last one, since in a lot of ways the hand-holding moment is an extension of the things that are expressed in the hug moment, but I’ve definitely got some things to say!

So, the first thing to know about me: HAND-HOLDING. IS. MY. SHIT.

I can’t pin-point exactly when that became my favorite form of intimacy, but I would wager a guess that Pride and Prejudice (2005) had a lot to do with it - this takes the cake as my favorite hand-holding moment, it is what it is. Also, just... hands. Things like this post that I came across this week just completely wreck my entire soul:

I think holding someone’s hand can be the most intimate and personal form of support and comfort. Like, think about it: it’s hard to subtly hug or kiss someone in a room of people; it’s really likely that someone would notice. But, holding someone’s hand? Linking pinkies? Knuckles brushing? “Palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss”?? It can be so quiet, so personal. Just for the two people involved.

Hand-holding can be private and gentle, it can be purposeful (let’s link hands so that I can guide you somewhere, or because we don’t want to get lost/separated) or just because you crave someone’s touch (see: the screenshot above). Hand-holding is an act so simple, so common, but it can speak volumes, and I honestly just cannot get enough of it. Every hand-holding moment that I get to witness will light me on fire because I truly am trash for intimacy and love.

youtube

So, here’s what I said about the hand-holding moment in my hug analysis post:

I honestly cannot wait for season 2. This hug and the final scene on the hood of Carlos’s car - with TK again making the move to embrace their relationship by physically reaching into Carlos’s space for his hand and dragging it into his own space, firmly opening the door to his heart to let him inside, while also settling Carlos’s hand between his own to let him know that he’s willing to protect him and his heart too - makes me believe that we are in for some truly wonderful romance with these boys.

This scene, like the hug, took me completely by surprise. I would’ve definitely put money on this season ending with the breakup scene, and the possibility of their future up in the air until season 2. I am obviously SO GLAD that that is not what happened - plus, the final episode really does a great job of giving TK a full season arc, so it’s just better writing to include the moments with Carlos.

The above clip is 35-seconds long, so let’s see how many words it takes for me to break it down 😅

Right from the very beginning, I’m drawn to their body language. They are almost perfect mirror images of one another as they lay on top of the hood: outer legs are bent, with the foot flat. Inner legs are more elongated, though I can’t help but notice how Carlos’s right leg is bent towards TK (why is this scene so dark, it’s so hard to see, wah). They will continue to mirror each other in a lot of ways throughout the scene, which I’ll be sure to point out.

Like the hug scene before, they seem very casual, and as comfortable as a person can be on the hood of a car - blankets probably would’ve been nice, Carlos!

However, I think there are subtle indications that they don’t have everything figured out - both of TK’s hands are hidden inside of his pocket and Carlos’s hand is more closed than open.

Again, for a person who loves them so much, I don’t spend a lot of time studying hand analysis, but I do know that hidden hands - in pockets, in gloves, behind your back, etc - has a lot of meaning. While I pointed out that Carlos seems to be positioned towards TK, TK is very much in his own space on the hood of the car. He’s still a little wary, maybe? Still a little unsure, possibly?

I think the concept of personal space is so interesting. A chunk of my hug analysis included the idea that Carlos was on the edge of TK’s space (the fire station), but refused to enter on his own, and that TK came to him and entered his space instead. They never actually enter the fire station together; they stay right there at the door, merging their spaces right on the edge of their own two worlds.

That’s why I think this scene is an extension of that physical conversation. Because this is the scene where we actually get to see TK fully invite Carlos into his space - basically dragging him there by the hand. By the end of this scene, there is no question in our minds where these two are going to go from here. We didn’t need Tim Minear to tell us that they are going to date next season, it’s completely obvious after this moment.

I’m getting ahead of myself.

I also want to point out Carlos’s right hand at the beginning of the scene, since it gets a starring role later. Remember that at the end of the hug scene, his hands are open and flat on TK’s back, indicating that he was open and willingly vulnerable in that moment. Now, his hand is closed. Not clenched, not fisted, but definitely less open than before.

All of this to say, the hug was a moment of open and vulnerable physical connection between them, and this moment does not really start out that way.

I think it’s because they both know they have things to talk about, and talking can kind of go either way with them. The last time they really talked on-screen, they “broke up,” so maybe now they’re a little uncertain how this is going to go, even though they both know that they want it. It’s like, being certain of the theory behind something, and then having to put it into practice; it can be scary.

So, Carlos makes a move and asks a question - “What are you thinking?”

Their bodies don’t move at all. There’s no rush, no hurry. They are certain about their physical connection, but that’s not what this moment is for them. It’s all about their words and thoughts, so their bodies stay out of it for now.

Mirror images: first line Carlos says, he’s looking up. First line TK says, he’s looking up. Second line Carlos says, he looks over at TK. Second line TK says, he looks over at Carlos.

I just love when they look at each other. Love is so beautiful, y’all.

AND NOW WE GET TO THE HANDS.

TK pulls his left hand from his pocket - from where it’s protected, from where it’s hidden - and he breaks into Carlos’s space. Just like the hug scene was about TK coming towards Carlos, this is that same movement. TK comes to him again, almost like a reminder of what that hug meant.

I love that TK looks down to link his hands with Carlos’s, but Carlos keeps his eyes on TK’s face, almost like he’s still trying to read into his mind. He’s watching his face, trying to see through him, discover everything he might not be saying. This man is so soft, so observant and attentive, and my heart can’t handle it.

Carlos’s right hand might be slightly closed and facing away from TK, but that doesn’t stop him from grabbing it and linking their fingers together anyway. TK’s up to the challenge!

We won’t talk about the intimacy of where Carlos’s hand is resting, and how TK doesn’t even second-guess going there - BUT I KNOW YOU ALL SEE IT

(I mean, I will talk about it just to say that if there is one thing these two know about each other, it’s that they don’t hold back on a physical level, so why should TK?)

I. AM. OBSESSED. with the way TK’s fingers kind of wrap around and spider through Carlos’s fingers - it’s not a super easy feat, it takes some maneuvering, but he seems super determined.

Carlos definitely doesn’t fight him on it, his hand willingly opens and moves to make the linking possible/easier.

THERE IS THIS BEAUTIFUL MOMENT WHERE THEIR HANDS ARE MID-LINK AND THEY ARE BOTH LOOKING DOWN AT THEM AND I SWEAR TO GOD IT’S A RENAISSANCE PAINTING Y’ALL (SCREENSHOT BELOW) IT IS SO STUNNING. I AM STUNNED.

TK pulls Carlos’s hand into his lap, dropping it down softly onto of the pocket and, as you pointed out anon, right on top of his other hand

Their eyes immediately return to each other and the love??? is ICONIC???

But like, this is where this moment becomes an extension of the hug moemnt.

See, whereas that moment was TK entering Carlos’s space, this is TK saying “I want you with me, over here in my world, by my side, in my hands, I think it’s where you belong”

And not only that, but by cradling Carlos’s hand in-between his own, shielding it from the elements - I mean, looks back at the scene, Carlos’s hand is basically hidden - he’s also saying “I’m gonna protect you, and take care of you, if you let me. I don’t want to hurt you anymore”

Because I think TK knows this has all been hard on Carlos, the constant back-and-forth and uncertainly has left him really vulnerable.

And just like Carlos pressed both of his open hands to TK’s lower back during the hug to shield such a vulnerable area from harm, TK now shields Carlos from harm. Reassures him that he’s steady now. That he’s ready for them.

(Also the heart eyes at the end of this scene and the way TK definitely stares at Carlos’s mouth for a moment?? THESE TWO TOTALLY MADE OUT AFTER THIS.)

I AM A GLASS CASE OF SOFT EMOTIONS

Renaissance painting:

January 18th, I need you to get here, like, yesterday. I’m about to LOSE. IT.

#tarlos #911 lone star #tk strand #carlos reyes #anonymous #asks #bless you anons for letting me unleash my insanity #brian breakdowns #might as well start a tag?#brian being tarlos trash

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one-spidey-boii · 4 years

Text

BUMMER SUMMER || peter parker; ch twelve

read ch eleven here

masterlist

an; heya friends. i’m excited to get this chapter up!! i hope you guys are continuously staying safe while still standing up for what’s right. always know my blog is a safe space for e v e r y o n e. BLM.

warnings; mentions of battle wounds (i.e. blood/scars/etc), smut, mature language, fluff, angst, both peter and oc are 18+!!

word count; 2.7k+

edie's pov

"...edie's attackers. i found them. i found them, mr. stark."

my eyes flutter open at the sound of peter's voice. my hazy mind smiles at the soft murmur of it in my ear. that is, until i process what he said. he found them? my head spins and aches in protest as i clamber out of bed and onto my feet. i run to the lab, where i know tony will be. my feet pound on the floor and pins and needles shoot up my legs as they try to wake up along with me.

i reach the lab and throw the door open, tony shuts things down hastily and messily as he pushes past me in the doorway. i run after him, following him down the stairs and through the hallways of the vast compound. my lungs hurt as i move, faster and more energized than i've been in the last week.

"mr. stark! where are you going? is peter okay? let me come with you!" i rush out the words and scramble to keep up with his long strides. he makes it to the room where he keeps all his marks and hops into his newest creation.

"edie, come on kid, no." he says out of breath. his suit is completely assembled now, aside from his mask that's still flipped up. i clench my fists at my sides and refrain from biting my tongue until it bleeds. he continues, "this has nothing to do with you."

i taste blood in my mouth, "it has everything to do with me!" my heart is pounding, almost as loud as my words. tony stares at me, mouth agape.

"stay here, edie. can't you just listen to me for once?" he seethes at me through his teeth and i flinch from my spot. i put my all into standing my ground as he huffs at me and flies away through the opening hatch in the ceiling before calling out into the comm, "i'm on my way, parker. don't do anything stupid."

i watch him vanish into the night. my body feels like there are bees buzzing through my bloodstream as i stand alone in the basement of the compound. a rush of adrenaline passes through me and i turn to run back up the stairs and into my room.

i ignore the annoying numbness in my side and shuffle through my bags for my suit. at this moment, i don't give a damn if tony doesn't want me out there. i don't care if peter doesn't want me out there. i need to go.

my teeth ache in my mouth from gritting them so hard. i can't find my suit. i let out a frustrated groan as i tear my room apart in search of the familiar fabric. i give up and run my hand through my hair, tugging on the ends until my scalp throbs. my face burns in anger. i can't help but feel helpless. peter, the boy who i know would do anything to protect me, is out there in hot pursuit of the people who hurt me. now tony is too. the guilt fills my stomach as i picture peter hurt, laying on the ground because i couldn't get there in time.

i throw all of my morals to the wind and strip down to my underwear. i grab a pair of black leggings and a black hoodie and throw them on. i shuffle through my weapon bag and hide three knives in my waistband, two in each leather boot, and one in each sleeve. i pull the hoodie up over my head and run for the door.

i start to sprint down the stairs and out of the compound when i remember something i saw down in tony's mark room. i turn on my heel and head down there with long strides.

a sleek, black motorcycle sits on the shiny marble floor. i pause and take a moment to admire the beautiful form of transportation in front of me. my feet circle it in search of keys and to my amazement, they're resting perfectly in the ignition. i scoff in disbelief at my luck and hop on. it feels sturdy and strong between my legs as i turn the keys and rev the engine. with a devilish smile, i kick up the stand and let the bike carry me away.

when i reach the city, it seems too quiet as my motorcycle is the loudest sound in miles. granted i haven't been out in days, the lack of noise still feels wrong. the chances of finding peter out here are slim with no help. i can't exactly talk to him over the comm without tony hearing me. i turn to just riding around, keeping an eye out for a certain red-and-blue-clad boy.

my ears pick up on a familiar mechanical whirring as i drive past a dark alleyway that blends in with the rest of the city. i circle around the block and pull over to stop. tony stands over a man, who is lying on the ground. my breath catches in my throat at the sight of tony rolling him over and beginning to spray a medical webbing over his back. i hold myself back from running over to him, knowing that if mr. stark knows i've left the compound, i would be dead.

"i knew you'd come anyways. why do you think i left the bike out?" his voice is soft, but it carries its way over to me. i jump at the sound before hopping off the bike and slowly walking up to tony.

"i-im sorry..." i mutter, eyes not able to leave the dying man before us. tony offers me a tight-lipped smile.

"don't be. i couldn't keep you locked up in there forever. i'm not saying i'm happy with your decision, but we can always use your help, wolfie."

i look around the rest of the dark side street, "where's peter?"

"after the bad guys, but i hope he's alright. he hasn't said anything in a while." he points to where his ear would be on the outside of his mask. i don't know what to do with my hands as i grow nervous and impatient, "then let's go. we have to go." i say as i walk back towards the motorcycle.

tony stops me, "i have to help him," he gestures to the man, "i'm taking him to the hospital. you can go, just keep your wits about you." and he's off again, picking the man up by his arms and shooting up into the air.

i let out a sigh and get back on the bike. i fly through the near-empty streets, constantly looking above my head for a swinging boy. time passes and with each second my stomach sinks lower and lower. i don't know what i would do if something happened to peter. whether it was a paper cut or a stab wound like mine- my heart shrivels at the thought.

finally, a flash of red passes through my peripherals and i immediately change the direction of the bike, causing sparks to fly off the ground as metal scrapes against it.

"peter? i'm here, i see you." i call into the comm.

"e? what the hell are you doing out here? is that you on the motorcycle? damn, that's badass." he chirps through the piece of communication with ease as he continues to fly past buildings.

"yes, it's me. you need to corner them. are they on foot?" i ask, my voice loud as i yell over the roar of the engine. it's then that i see peter is chasing after a black suv, it's screeching through the streets, weaving through the slow traffic and making any sharp turn it can, "nevermind, i see them. i'm gonna catch up."

i twist the handlebars and the motorcycle screams beneath me, lurching forward into the dim side streets of new york. i cut corners and drive on sidewalks to avoid getting caught up in traffic. the suv is closer now, i can make out two people in the front.

i go through my plan in my own head and try to explain it to peter as best i can, "okay, pete. when i say so, i need you to web my bike to the lamp-post down on 26th, okay?"

"what? how is that going to help?" peter questions, i ignore it and push on, "just do it, parker."

i look at the street sign to my right, 21st street. i rev the engine again and gain on the vehicle in front of me. i could reach out and open the trunk if i wanted to.

we pass 23rd street. the suv speeds up ahead of me, putting a few meters between us. i groan and push the bike to go faster. i'm nearing them again when i catch a glance of the driver. it's the woman who stabbed me. her eyes twinkle in the light and she smiles at me. she smiles the cruelest, most unnerving smile i've ever seen in my life. images of that night pop back into my head. images of her holding the knife covered in blood, mine of course. the knife was so rusty and old, making me shudder at the thought of it slicing through me.

i snap out of it when i see we just passed 25th, the lamp-post is close in the distance. i push the bike to go impossible faster and i grab onto the back of the suv with a tight grip, "now peter."

the boy who was keeping up with me from up above shoots a single web at my bike, then swings and connects the end of it to the lamp-post to the right of us. in a fraction of a second, i speed up so that the bike is even with the back right corner of the van. i let the momentum of the bike that is now stuck to the post throw the black vehicle off course as it begins to spin and get wrapped up by the web. i jump from the bike as it collides with the lamp-post after taking the suv with it. it looks like a tetherball, fully wrapped around the pole, but instead of unwinding- it's stuck there with super glue.

my body spins away from the bike, throwing me to the side in a heap of tangled limbs in the nearby alleyway. i let out a few strangled breaths before bringing my arms underneath me and pushing my body up and onto its feet. peter lands down next to me with a soft thud and his arms are immediately wrapped around my waist to help hold me up.

"you're crazy," he whispers in my ear as he leaves an awkward, mask-covered kiss to my forehead. i roll my eyes and look at him with a coy smile, "never said i wasn't." we laugh together at that.

"oh, how nice. lou, come here, look at this. look how nice." a female voice laced with venom spits at us from a few feet away. a line of blood trickles down her forehead and into her eye, but she makes no move to wipe it away. the man stumbles from around the car. his arm hangs at an unsettling angle and he lets out a few pained groans as he moves.

my body stiffens at the two people in front of me. peter notices and tightens his arm around my waist. the woman takes slow steps towards us, her feet colliding heavily with the concrete. the man, lou, is struggling to keep his breathing steady as he leans against the totaled vehicles. i eye both of them wearily and notice how unfazed they seem.

peter takes a step foward, "stay back. that's close enough."

the woman stops walking, "im sorry, little boy. i wouldn't want to upset your friend." with every word, her eyes linger on a different part of peter's body, making everyone uncomfortable. lou straightens up and clears his throat, she pays him no mind. to my relief, peter graciously ignores her stare and stands his ground, "who are you?"

"oh me? i like to stay anonymous most of the time, but for you- for you i guess i can bend the rules." she lets her eyes pass over peter again as she traces two fingers over her bottom lip seductively. i almost throw up in my mouth at her insinuation, but again- peter holds his own. lou speaks up before anyone else can.

"enough, jai. no one wants to fuck you." his voice is tired, obviously over his partner's behavior. she snaps her head in his direction and gives him a look that makes him bite his lip and look away. she slowly turns back to peter and i, who’s still standing in front of me.

"i'm impressed by your work," she says with a sickeningly sweet smile on her face and gestures to the busted vehicles, "amazing what you can do together, disappointing what happens when you're alone." her eyes travel to me and connect with my own, "how are you holding up, little one?" she lets her gaze drift down to my side, where i unknowingly have gripped tightly with my hand.

"leave her alone, don't even look at her." peter hisses through clenched teeth. her eyes widen and her smile turns wicked. she takes a step forward and peter takes one back, his body bumping into mine.

"protective of this one, aren't you? i could tell when you left an innocent man to die just to run after a pair of measly criminals." her words sink into both peter and i. he takes a quick glance back at me, but i don't return the gesture. i don't know how that is supposed to make me feel. i love peter and i would do the same for him, but is it the right choice when you have to choose between him and an innocent man? i was always taught to protect the later, but my heart would never agree when it comes to peter.

i place my hand softly on his lower back, hoping to relieve the tension rising from his body. i feel his body relax beneath my fingers, but he stiffens again at jai's words.

"quite pathetic if you ask me. i guess you two are perfect for each other. just two little superheroes taking on the world and leaving a wave of disappointment behind every time." jai takes tentative steps towards us and pops her tongue, "but that's okay right? as long as you have each other."

peter moves his hand to grab mine and squeezes it tight, i squeeze back and step into his body so my chest is flush with his back. our bodies shiver against each other. i lay my head against his shoulder and look away from jai. this horrible stranger who insists on tormenting us is now laughing at us. her hysterical cackle jumps around in the night air. i peer to my right at lou, he's beginning to sweat underneath the dim street light. his functioning arm reaches behind his back and i see the glint of black metal before i push peter's body away from me.

two shots are fired. peter falls to the ground to the side of me and catches himself with his arms. i collapse next to him and begin to search him for bullet wounds. he looks at me with wide eyes, "i'm okay. edie, i'm okay." i let out a breath and look around at my surroundings.

jai and lou both lay on the ground, their bodies spazzing and seizing against the cold concrete. police sirens sound off nearby and i look back at peter confused. his eyes are trained above my head, i move to look, but a strong pair of arms grab me and hoist me up into the air.

"that's enough fun for tonight. peter, you okay to get home on your own?" tony's voice speaks calmly from behind me as we hover in the air. peter nods his head and shakily gets onto his feet before giving me a nod and swinging away.

i crane my neck to look at tony, but he's stoic as we fly back to the compound, not one of us saying a word.

|| taglist; @my-patronus-is-mabel-pines @whycantileaveyou @lovewolfspirit @kitykatnumber @franksholland @sunflowers-and-rainy-days @thehugslut @fandom-phaser

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saoirsetm · 4 years

Text

hey y’all ! i’m kat and we’re FINALLY opening ?!? i’m so hyped, you don’t even know. i’m a double leo Trying to survive video lectures in a noisy house who loves dark chocolate and 80% of the kpop releases so far this year ( stream feel good by fromis_9, it’s such a cute bop ! ) i’m also a cat mom to my almost fourteen year old babies who are still like energetic kittens, so ask for pics and you shall receive DSLKGJ but without further ado, here’s my girl who’s gonna prove that hindsight is INDEED 20/20, so this is gonna be fun:

✧ ˖ * ° ><> ╱ abigail cowen, cis female, she/her — look who’s fresh from the ferry, aren’t you SAOIRSE LEARY ? your eroda brochure says you’re TWENTY-THREE and that you’re currently residing in MARMOTON . your favourite tourist attraction to hang around is ERODIAN BEACH , and the locals around these ports would describe you as INQUISITIVE & INTREPID, STUBBORN & IMPULSIVE . your resting fish face really gives off LONG HAIR BLOWN BACK BY THE OCEAN BREEZE, LATE NIGHTS SPENT PLOTTING THE NEXT GREAT VOYAGE, RED LIPSTICK IMPRINTED ON A MUG OF TEA , and i’m a big fan of the VINTAGE CELTIC KNOT NECKLACE you seem to always be attached to. well, if you see the minister this morning; make sure you head on home as quick as possible, you never know what bad luck he could bring. ╱ ooc; kat, 23, she/her, ast.

tw: needles ( tattoo mention ), cancer mention, death mention

miss saoirse...... oof

GDFLSJL where do i begin with her honestly ??

full name is saoirse eve leary, affectionately called cece by her family since she was young and runs with it as her nickname !

born and raised in cork, ireland with two siblings, a working class father and Slightly upper middle class mother

her childhood wasn’t like, Majorly eventful; she was considered a bit of a tomboy which isn’t a surprise bc she’s always been a bit of a spirited, adventurous girl, has the odd nomadic moment strike her and loves to travel

had a SUPER close relationship with her maternal grandmother before she passed a few years back, still has a close one with her grandfather and paternal grandmother as they’re still living

is a big family girl overall, so much so that she’s eagerly awaiting the day she gets to be the cool aunt

had a decent cluster of pals over the years that’s likely dwindled due to everyone going their separate ways after high school

saoirse Did go to uni between her travels — and graduated — and has aspirations of becoming an anthropologist to explore other cultures and meet new people/understand them

which.. obviously ain’t happening now LFSGJGF rip

came to eroda partially bc it seems like such a pretty and quaint place, partially to explore its “ myth ” that you can never leave; her naturally curious ass questions the whole thing, at least in the sense that there’s no way to challenge your supposed fate on the island and won’t deny entertaining some conspiracy theories around the mystery

she still doesn’t understand that.. yeah, she Literally is stuck here for the rest of her life now, probably because she hasn’t made a Real attempt to put that to the test, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it FDSLKJDS

anyways she came here solo ( more than likely ) and has enjoyed her time getting to know the locals and other visitors, taking in the scenery, etc

probably took up a part-time job at sally’s tavern to cover her expenses since she lives in marmoton and it ought to be close enough for her to get to gfjlsdg

personality and everything else

a sociable, ( relatively ) fearless ginger with an eclectic taste in music and a profound appreciation for pastries..

despite being all about cleaner eating habits and lowering her sugar intake, she takes a cheat day or week wherever she can LSDGFJK

parties, game nights, etc, you name it ?? she’s there !

kinda competitive while we’re bringing up games and such, but she’s not about the whole sore winner/loser thing — rather she’ll groan and sulk a little before moving on

like i said before, loves to travel, loves pretty places in general so prepare yourself for an abundance of pictures on her insta feed of where she’s been or where she wants to go

loyal as hell, but she has her limit if you misuse the trust that comes with it

she’s just v wholesome and has a mix of small town city/endlessly curious energy with a sprinkle of being the life of the party……. kinda

however, she’s the most ?? hard to place person all the same

that feeling of freedom that comes with her exploring and all makes her a little hard to tie down; she doesn’t plan on staying in eroda ( which is unfortunate for her considering.... fglsdk ) as she has more to accomplish and see

very much does her own thing and doesn’t wanna hear any criticism for it

as if she’s that out of line DLJGDSLK but still

always wants to try new things, no matter how dumb they might be; except for anything that’s a Legitimate death sentence or is.. a GENUINELY dumb idea, she has enough common sense to know what Not to do KSGFDJDS

has little tattoos on her wrist and behind her left ear for her Favourite trips/symbols/whatever and her family, will let y’all know what they’d be whenever i figure them out since i’m so damn picky with these things

a Big supporter for buying/investing locally, has little trinkets and such to prove it

in fact, she has a collection of thrifted or vintage clothes from her travels and back home, and a chest full of cute jewelry she switches between daily

one piece she wears all the time — only parts with it when she sleeps — is the celtic knot pendant mentioned in her app that’s become something of an heirloom on her mom’s side of the family !

she has the cutest irish lilt in my mind, kinda the same as miss ronan’s and aisling bea’s

really loves her freckles, partially bc i love her freckles and my own :(

tea > coffee, but she loves coffee-flavoured things; bring her a peppermint or camomile tea as her shift winds down or.. idk, just because, and she’ll be forever indebted to you fldjgs

loves to hang out by the water in her free time — she loves the scent and sounds that comes with it, it’s one of the few places where she can put her mind to rest for a bit

the sound of rain hitting a rooftop is her perfect sleep soundtrack

kinda wants to adopt a pet, but doesn’t wanna leave them if she goes on an excursion where they can’t come with her :(

baths with epsom salts, candles that smell like lavender or something just as pleasant and calming, etc during a night in soothes the hell out of her soul

top three products she has in her bag at all times, besides personal info and her phone ? lip balm, a powder spf and mints FGLGKSD

btw.. miss ginger hair and freckles will probably gasp at anyone going out with no spf on them and scold tf out of them bc ‘ hello, melanoma ?? sunburn ?!? ’

wanted connections

childhood pal(s) she’s bumped into: reunited by chance, cece’s glad she has a couple of people she knows to keep her grounded when her mind runs wild at what Might happen when she decides to try her hand at leaving

cousin(s), other relatives: idk, figured it’d be fun for her to have a family member or two running around and not realizing the other relative is the Only one they’ll see in person from here on out

best pal(s) in eroda: someone she’s taken to since arriving, likely spending their free-time eating pastries on the beach, talking shit over tea, little market dates, going to the rainzone half-drunk and trying to rope each other into new things

opposites attract.. of sorts sfdlgkj: basically just a traveler meeting a local who’s never been off eroda, telling all about their ( quite limited ) excursions and bonding in other areas over time !

hook-ups, fwbs.... ENEMIES with benefits?? idk, point is the girl’s probably gotten laid since arriving, it’s all a matter of the situation that fits your muse(s) best FHGSDKJ

roommate: she lives in marmoton, likely in a rental of sorts, and i can’t see her living alone given the situation on the island ( though i’ve viewed her as the type to live alone in a space for one and a half people any other time tbh ). so she has just One and they make the arrangement work ! depending on their personalities and such, we’ll figure out how well they get along Exactly, if at all

ex ??: the girl’s bi so y’all can toss anyone at her for this one as well ! question marks bc i was thinking it’d be an on-and-off thing but maybe not come the time i post this intro LSGKD. basically they were seeing each other for a few months, she fell hard Quick/they moved kinda fast bc they were vibing and they would distance themselves upon realizing this — though i see cece giving them distance bc she knows they need it rather than needing it herself. if it IS on-and-off, they’re definitely off rn and treading lightly ( though she finds it hard to stray and hates things not being fully resolved no matter what happens ?? ), so all it’s a bit angsty regardless of how it goes dfgkljsdg

fellow mystery fiend: someone please fuel her curiosity to the max and try to crack the impossible case of eroda’s captive capabilities with her.. and proceed to watch true crime shows with her when that clearly goes to shit SDFKLJ

older sibling or mentor dynamic: someone to look out for her/teach her some things to help fully support herself/give her advice when she probably needs it most.. idk, i just like the idea of someone becoming a stand-in relative type of friend to her

just give her someone to confide in, to swim at night with, stargaze and all that cute shit, be it platonically or otherwise !

she’s not gonna click with everyone and that’s fine, BUT maybe they run in the same social circles and cece thinks they seem nice enough, but they never really talk amongst themselves ?? just a case of awkwardly starting from scratch and seeing where it takes us !

#eroda.intro #╰ ✨ . ❪ 𝐖𝐄 𝐏𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐈𝐍' 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐋𝐒 ↝ kat chats ｡#tw needles #tw cancer #tw death #i think?? that's all the triggers here?#i really hope it is anyways :/ i'm bad for spotting them sometimes when they're vague mentions #anyways FINALLY did it !!#now to make my theme even Remotely presentable in the next half hour GLDFJS

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seven-oomen · 4 years

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Hi, Ben! I hope your day is going well so far! Are you still getting snow, or has the storm calmed a bit? We’re supposed to be getting a potentially severe ice storm over the course of today. There’s already a thin layer this morning, we’ll see how the rest of the day goes. And temperatures are supposed to stay in about the -4 to -6C range the rest of the week. I’m very glad that I’m off the next couple of days, and managed to get by the grocery last night after work.

I saw your post about writing and writing styles! It was helpful because I’ve not really seen the different styles written out and explained before. I’m still not 100% which I am, but probably either an intuitive plotter or a methodological pantser. Usually there’s a scene or a line or two that I’m like “this needs to happen in this story” and everything else is fairly free-form. I did try actually writing down an outline for IYWTD, but even then it’s more a list of beats/tropes and the order I want to include them in. (And I’ve only just made it past halfway through, although a couple may need to be altered a bit, oh god, how did this get so long…)

It’s also always kinda of amusing to me how many of those writing advice lists are like “Don’t do this”, “Stop doing this”, “Never do that”, and then they’ll encourage you to find your own voice and style. Like, bitch, you just told me not to ever do half the shit that makes up my style. Which am I supposed to do? Damn. XD (You will seriously pry adverbs and similar descriptors from my cold, dead, grasping hands. Also the occasional epithet. No, I’m not using a character’s name nine times in one paragraph, sorry, and pronouns don’t always help if the characters are the same gender. The reader can deal. ;D )

And I feel ya on the tall, skinny, blue-eyed boys thing. It doesn’t have to be just a white boy, but if he’s taller than me, slender, and has a pretty pair of baby blues, my higher brain functions tend to go into insta-lag. I ain’t particularly proud, but I’ve long accepted this about myself (there are many reasons Luke became my forever BAE.) That’s not to say a lack of any of those is a deal-breaker in the slightest, but it’s definitely going to immediately get my attention.

Speaking (vaguely) of Luke, I had a thought the other day of him and Din being off on some planet together (Grogu is staying with Aunt Leia and Uncle Han for a few days), and there’s a noise in the middle of the night, and Din refuses to accept Luke’s assurance that there’s nothing out there, and in true himbo fashion insists on going out to investigate having grabbed only the darksaber and his helmet to cover his face -but nothing else. Luke just finds it a combo of hysterical and adorable (and kinda hot.)

I hope your novel is going well (whatever stage you happen to be at), and I’m always up for hearing whatever you feel like sharing about it.

I hope you’re still doing well with the whole eating and hydrating regularly thing (it’s also totally okay if you aren’t!), and I’m super proud of you for sticking to it as much as you can anyway. That shit is hard. (Also, ignore the 1500 calories thing, I swear that shit is designed for 130lb women trying to shed a few pounds, not people who need to safely and steadily lose larger amounts of weight. But then I’ve also never fully understood making someone lose weight before surgery, either. “We need you to get rid of some excess weight before we’ll okay this surgery to *checks notes* get rid of some excess weight." Like, weird flex, but okay.)

Anyway, I’m rambling again, and should really eat some breakfast and try to write a little myself today, maybe. Hope you’re feeling okay, and that things are going well overall. I hope Mo is doing well, and enjoying his best cuddle buddy life. Take care! *Hugs!*

Okay, gonna try this this way so that I can refer back to the links on my phone if need be. I couldn’t quite see the full entries for the physical descriptions, and when I tried clicking on them it kept asking for a login, but I think I saw enough to get the gist. I’m not sure exactly what sort of feedback you’re interested in, if any, so this will mainly be my usual sort of rambling stream-of-consciousness type thoughts and questions. Hope that’s okay. Feel free to ignore if it’s not what you’re after right now! :D

I think one of the first questions that popped to mind was where is/what happened to Ellie’s mom, and is that something that’s going to cause problems later in some way? (I.e.- was she killed on a hunt, are they divorced, was it bitter or amicable [would she come after her daughter if she heard about his relationship?]) I guess technically similar questions could also apply to Nate (late husband, ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, one night stand, sperm donor?) it was just more noticeable with Ellie being so young still. Although that could also be part of why he’s ended up in Wyoming, which was another question I had, although there I assume it’s hunt-related.

I also anticipate quite a bit of tension of all kinds when he and Nate first meet, because Faron strikes me from his descriptions as someone rather used to being able to get his own way either through the influence of who he is, or through his size (not necessarily in any kind of intentional or aggressive way, more in an unconscious privilege kind of way, if that makes sense?), and I don’t think Nate sounds like the type to give two shits about either of those things, and it would probably drive Faron up the proverbial wall that Nate isn’t intimidated by him in the slightest. (I could be entirely wrong about all this, this is just the impression I get so far. :D ) And I think Nate being noticeably older than him would just make it that much more irritating at first, too. Now, how long these impressions last will just depend on how quickly they get to know each other, and whether Bachelor #3 is helping or hindering things. XD The potential for just sitting back and watching the fireworks as “laid-back dad jokes with a quick temper” clashes with “quiet, reserved, and possibly takes themselves slightly too seriously” might prove too much for our last contestant for a while, depending on where his personality falls. ;D (Especially since Faron coming in and starting shit will likely come off as a direct threat to people and places Nate considers under his protection.)

Also, are any of these three going to have met before? Will Nate already have some sort of relationship with the werewolf (Does he already know about the supernatural at all?) Did he and Faron encounter each other on the trip to Europe you mentioned in the Life Highlights? If he and the wolf already know each other, how does he get along with Cas, or Nate’s pets? Is the werewolf also going to be native to the region? Does he know anything about Faron’s family? Does Faron already know he’s a werewolf, or is that going to be a bit of a crisis for him later? A test of how well he’s learned not to judge? If Nate doesn’t already know, how will he deal with both their secrets? Do you plan for full-shift only wolves, partial-shift only wolves, or a mix of the two like TW? Are there other supes in the area?

I think you mentioned maybe having him be of Native American descent? I think that could be very interesting, but would require a LOT of research into which tribes are active in the Yellowstone area, and what their individual mythologies say about things like shapeshifters, and LGTBQ+ issues, etc., because there can be a fair amount of variance, I’m sure. Also, I’m just overall curious how he’ll fit in with the other two size wise (get your mind out of the gutter, you know what I mean. XD ) Also curious if any o them are going to have the slightest clue on the feelings front, or are they all going to be just absolute disasters? Will the kids figure it out before they do? Will the kids get along? (Will BachelorWolf have any kids of his own, or just Nate and Faron?) Will Nate’s coworkers have any clue about either the supernatural, or what’s going on with those three? Because I suspect at least some of them will be way more obvious than they think they’re being. XD

Uh… I think that was all that’s occured to me right now?… I’m sorry you’re having a yucky day overall, and I hope tomorrow’s a bit better! The ice storm has finally moved in here, and I can feel the temperature drop radiating off of the front door and windows. It went from rain to freezing rain/hail and I’m not sure how long it’s supposed to last. Hopefully only a little while. Also, sorry your book was terrible. I haven’t seen too many recent recommendations from friends, and I’ve been mostly reading “cozy” mysteries (Agatha Christie, Elizabeth Peters, etc) as my comfort reading myself, lately, so I can’t really suggest anything in particular, unfortunately. At least, nothing I think you wouldn’t already know. Anyway, hope you’re getting some decent rest, and hope you have a better day tomorrow! Take care! *Hugs!*

Alright since this is going to be like a very long one, I’m break it down into a few things.

First full physical descriptions, cause I didn’t know Milanote would be a bitch about it.

Nate:

164 cm (5'4), 75 kg (166 lbs), Short slightly overweight trans man in his middle age. Nearly always the shortest man in the room, only standing around 5'4 and weighing in around 166 lbs. With kind moss green eyes that have permanent crow's feet in their corners and a polite but reserved smile always on his face.

A face that's framed by faint freckles that are only visible in the sunlight. A neatly trimmed beard spices up his features and frames his pink lips. His thick but short eyebrows frame his eyes and create a short arc to his slim nose.

A high forehead separates his brows from his wavy dark blond hair that's always tucked behind his ears.

He generally wears the Superintendents' Park Ranger uniform while on duty. When he's not he wears comfortable jeans and t-shirts, usually a mono color like green, white, or black, plaid flannel shirts, socks with the weirdest patterns and colors, and hiking boots. He wears a steel ring on his right index finger and has a little steel Mjolnir on a necklace around his neck.

He's missing two fingers (his ring and little finger) on his left hand due to a childhood accident.

Faron:

185 cm (6'1 ft), 93 kg (205 lbs), Faron is a tall man with plenty of muscle from his time hunting. He can seem daunting and intimidating when you first meet him but there is a kinder, softer side to him. He has a warm light brown skin color, blue eyes, and black natural tight curly hair that he keeps very short. His full dark beard decorates his cheeks and chin, connects to his upper lip, and all the way up to his sideburns.

He tends to wear dark clothing, leather jackets, no jewelry that could identify him, jeans, henley shirts, or V-neck shirts, and black, brown, or red jackets. He usually wears black combat boots or dark brown hiking boots. He's got knives and other weapons hidden all over his body and pockets and it might take him a good few minutes to unload every single knife from his body when he was to disarm.

There are also scars all over his body, including some scars on his neck that are visible from day to day life. He had the bad luck of being struck down by a vicious Wendigo but managed to escape. He survived thanks to his sister's quick thinking and first aid.

He covers some of those scars up with tattoos; he has one tattoo of a dragon laying down on his shoulder, with its head on his chest and its body curling over his shoulder and ending just below his shoulder blades. And one tattoo covers up some scars on his lower arm, it's a tattoo of a wolf's head that covers up a bite mark.

Dichali:

He’s 37 and has 4 siblings, and two children, Kajika & Kaniya (Jika & Niya, identical twins, but one of them identifies as male, he’s trans. Kajika is his chosen/reassigned name. They are 10.) Dichali grew up in Riverton, WY, which is the largest town of 10,000 in the largest Native Reservation in Wyoming. He’s also a dear friend to our Nate (who is also his boss technically) and has slowly been falling in love with him for the last few years. (Although he still hasn’t realized that he loves his friend.)

Yena, his coworker and friend, who’s much younger at 25 has been watching her coworker and her boss joke and dance around each other. She has a betting pool with her girlfriend on who snaps first.

Not sure how I’ll connect him to Faron if it’s more fun/better to have him find out later or to already know him and keep it quiet.

I’m still working on him, so I don’t have much of personality and other things written down yet. But I have made his physical description:

At 178 cm (5'8) and 83 kilos (182 lbs) Dichali probably isn't the tallest man you've met, he's also not the shortest. And while he's got some good muscle on him from working as a Park Ranger, and being a werewolf, he also has some softer sides. All the better to cuddle with. He has long straight brown hair that falls to his mid-back and deep brown eyes and a long nose that ends prominently. His eyebrows are thin and he has a high forehead. His skin is a light Tawny color, there's a hint of an orange brown with a cool undertone.

His skin is also relatively clear and youthful looking because of his lycanthropy.

He tends to wear pants and jackets made by native designers and always incorporates native fashion into his outfits. He has jackets of mostly gray, blue, brown, and black colors made of denim, cotton, wool, or brass that are lined with more traditional cloths and patterns like the designer brand Ginew. Usually he pairs them with dark jeans, either black, gray, or dark blue. He pairs it with white, blue, red, black, or printed band t-shirts (Metallica, Green Day, Marianas Trench).

For shoes he has brown hiking boots that are part of the Ranger uniform, more western styled boots like black cowboy boots, and a pair of sneakers.He also wears a copper bracelet with lighting bolts etched into it.

Now this whole story got started because I had the question what if we had a DILF romance going on while/because the following happened?

What if a YouTube video that accidentally got uploaded shows the existence of a werewolf in Yellowstone park? Threatening to expose the entire supernatural world.

The werewolves right now are a mix, so half shift is like the classical half shift of a wolf head on a man’s body, but the full shift is more like a larger wolf. Almost the size of a black bear. Though I might change those ideas as the story progresses.

But that is how the Cryptid of Yellowstone is brought into the world. And that brings problems. Big problems.

Wendigos, vampires, djins, I plan to create a world where a lot of supernatural creates exist. From all sorts of cultures. I’m also toying with the idea of Kelpies and Griffins. That kind of stuff.

The supernatural world is hidden from ours, hidden in plain sight if you will. Most encounters are written off as really strange, sometimes a picture pops up, but with the coming of the internet, things have gotten more complicated. Also with deforestation and competition with regular wildlife has made some bigger supernatural creatures either extinct or thought to be extinct. They’re not sure what still lives in Australia, though.

Nate or his son don’t know about the supernatural world. Neither does Yena. Or much of the world. Dichali, his children (to some extent), Faron, and Faron’s family do know about this world.

Alright, as for your other post XD

Right now it’s no longer storming but due to the freezing temperatures the snow’s not going away and all public transport and delivery services are still not driving/delivering/running. So that’s neat. Not.

I swear we get some snow and the country is just down. Upside, ain’t nobody going outside and this helps with lockdown.

I hope your snowstorm won’t be too bad and everything thaws down soon. Snow’s fun for a day but after that...

Make sure you stay warm alright? And bundle up.

Yes dad... alright XD

Honestly, I’m glad to hear you liked my advice too. I’m getting quite a bit of positive feedback on it and that just makes me really happy ^^. I’m definitely writing more writing advice from everything I’ve learned so far.

There’s honestly so many contradicting ones out there, it’s a matter of picking and choosing which ones work best for you and applying those. And that’s the real trick of advice.

Fun fact, a lot of famous writers are also pantsers. Steven King, Neil Gaiman, George RR Martin are examples of famous pantsers or gardeners as they are also called.

John Grisham, JK Rowling, RL Stein fall into the plotter or architect category.

Writers like Hank Green seem to fall in the in-between category of plantser (somewhere between a plotter and a pantser. Or the Intuitive plotter.)

Okay but the DinLuke things is really really kinda hot and cute and adorable and has me smiling <3

And I can’t remember what else I wanted to say since it is like 2 am and my meds are seriously kicking in now.

But I hope you’re doing alright and that the snowstorm isn’t too bad where you’re at.

I’ll be alright, my diet hasn’t been going so well the last few days and I can’t really exercise, but I did mostly get healthy groceries that will be delivered friday so there’s that.

Fingers crossed I can pick it back up.

Okay I’m heading to bed XD

I’ll talk to you later, B <3

Hugs from me and Mo <3

#my ocs #please don't reblog #B #my convos with anon #ben writes original fiction #submission

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echo-inthevoid · 5 years

Text

Season 2 q&a and overall reaction

Jonny stealing everyone's names XD

Is martin going to be ok!? I also need to know!

He said no;-;

ok ya, no one's gonna be ok.

Ya, he must do sooo much research.

Ya, except for "fatigue" lol.

Eyyy the mechanisms!!

What's the red string brigade? Ok, I guess a group of fans theorizing about stuff.

Oh ok so someone else did martins poetry. Ooh, there's more martin poetry out there! *grabby hands*

Ok ya, Alex clarifying that Jon isn't stupid he just makes poor decisions. Probably if he'd paused and thought about it (like I did lol, I had to go do some stuff in the middle of that ep and thought about it a whole bunch lol) instead of immediately going out and buying an axe and further isolating himself and panicking immediately he probably would have figured it out. This is why it's bad to panic in a crisis guys.

Eyyy! Jonny's parents voiced Gertrude and Leitner! That's so cool.

XD Jonny grumbling about having to work with his parents.

Hmm, I hadn't really thought of Gertrude being like a mother figure in the story? She just seems very cut-throat I guess from what Leitner said. Idk so far I've been very suspicious of her. Especially since that one statement where her photo burned a whole bunch of people or something. She just seems very shady...

Alex chortling over Jonny's pain. XD

Side note, Every time there's a q&a I just can't stop noticing Jonny's voice going in and out of archivist range? Like most of the time I'm just listening along and then he'll say a sentence a bit grumblier and my brains immediately like "ARCHIVIST! That's THE ARCHIVIST!!"

Martin would be the last one alive in Friday the 13th! It's official!

(Is it bad that this gives me hope)

Jon likes Nonfiction, documentaries, and probably collects something just a little bit weird. *writes down for use in potential fics*

also while im at it I remember jon saying he dislikes coffee at one point, and so many people have him liking coffee in their fics! This has been your daily reminder of that fact because ever since then it keeps bugging me lol. (But also do whatever u want.)

Alex's spluttering sounds so much like Martin.

Yes!! I want to hear jon sing!! Yes! Musical Episode When!!?

Ah yes yes yes! All the characters are so unique!!? How does he do it!!

Ya, it being in audio format sometimes makes it hard to understand what's happening in the live-action bits. (Live-action is the wrong word but u know what I mean.)

Oh ok ya, how he mentioned he got a pipe was quite clever I didn't realize that that's why he mentioned it at all.

Ooh, there's a manga where there's something similar to Michael? I'll have to look that up later...

XD Alex and Jonny arguing about apples.

Ok, so all the statements we're hearing ARE for reals. I kinda assumed but good to have it confirmed.

They used to hang out together!!? Work function curry nights!! ;-;

Ya Ya! Who made the leitners!?

"You are assuming a book needs to be written" ...ok then. (but it has to have been created somehow??? Did they just spring fully formed from the powers? why? And why take the form of books?)

Alex's mischievous laugh about whether jon has friends *trembles in fear*

Yes!! Micheal is so good! I'm so happy they love him too! Yesyes! His laugh!

Ah Yes!! Mary kaey was so creepy!

XD yes yes yes fatigue was written on zero sleep, I knew it!

Akskdjdkd I love them so much. Also, I've looked up Michaels voice actor luke booys and he does some other horrory type sketches n stuff and I kiiinda want to do a little animatic with some of those but it's Michael like annoying some poor soul lost in his halls... I think that'd be fun. I wonder if anyone's done that yet? If so someone send me the links I neeeed iiitt :3

Season 2 summary:

Uuuuu ya so this season was really good. I kinda listened to it in bursts of about ten episodes every couple weeks and then have been saving up the reactions to post later so these are usually going up about a week or so after I actually listened to the episode just FYI.

I also do have a lot of spoilers cause I can't keep myself away from fanfic and people don't always tag for spoilers and I kiiinda wana know what's coming beforehand anyway? Idk it's hard man I get very stressed about what might happen and then also listening to too much at a time is too spooky for my poor little heart so I gotta read the less spooky fanfic to fulfill the hyperfixation you see. (If anyone has fanfic with spoilers only up to season 2 that'd be great btw)

Anyway, I try not to take spoiler type stuff into account unless I'm just so sure of it I can't really not acknowledge that I know about it.

Also, can I just talk about Michael for a minute?? Cause he's such a unique character? And I guess maybe there are other characters like him but I haven't ever seen one -tho to be fair tma is only like the third horror thing I've ever really got into (the other two are the SCP Foundation in its various forms and Little Nightmares. Hence why I keep making reference to SCP it's really the only thing I know similar to this.) But he's such a cool concept!!? Like someTHING that still has a personality? He's so not human? Like I get what he says but also I don't really? Idk im pretty sure he's an avatar right? Right?? Idk if that means he was a person at some point? But all this to say that he is probably the most inhuman character I've come across so far and I'm trying to figure out what it is about him that's so "other" to me? Like... I don't really know what Micheal's deal is? he seems to want to be sort of a neutral mischief-maker but also it seems like he keeps getting invested. But also I just love the way he talks about himself. Like he's a monster that has a personality and is fully intelligent but isn't just evil but isn't neutral either and certainly isn't benevolent. Like he's so complex and just,,,, the idea of a "thing" that's got a personality?? I love it? Kind of like dryads or spirits of things? Like the idea that after a long time things gain personality just by existing? Not that that's what Michael is necessarily? but that same sort of concept applies to him I think. Like the way he IS the maze and wants to help but wants to just watch but wants to kill them all. He's just so interestinggggggg. (And another vision of what jon could become?)

also "es Mentiras" is a beautiful name 💕

So are him and not-Sasha avatars? Not-Sasha also seems completely inhuman and I was under the impression that avatars were (or used to be) human? Or are they like personifications of their power? Do all the powers have personifications of themselves. not-Sasha seems even less human than Michael? Like she seems to just really genuinely enjoy causing fear? Tho I guess we didn't really get to hear a lot of her. She just seemed kinda gleefully angry most of the time we heard from her. Was she... Human once!???

Anyway. Also, can I just talk about leitners line about jon belonging to the eye!!? Just..*chefs kiss* hnnnngg I need more jon grappling with that. I just need more everyone dealing with the fallout post all of the finallies ok? I still need more of jon angsting over his worms scars and stuff and now I also need jon freaking out about belonging to a fear god power thing.

Also Martin! Is Martin ok? He sure did a lot of yelling which he doesn't usually? Look I love him and he actually thinks before he acts (unlike SOME people *looks at jon*) and he writes poetry and it is pretty good poetry ok!! And he cares about everyone and just wants a happy ending and aaaaa😭

Petition to get some statements from Martin's pov tho? I mean that's not gonna happen cause Jon's the archivist but I want more martin pov!! Maybe we can get some of his poem tapes??? Pls?????

I feel so bad for Tim. It sounds like he's kinda fallen into despair.

Also Elias!!? Is showing his spooky side!!? He can control cameras and beat a man to death with a pipe!!? This is his "place of powerr"!!? I am afeared!!? At least jon knows he shouldn't trust him now. Oh jeez, I wonder if jon will listen back to the tape and know what happened. Thhhatsss rough. Oh dear, I hope he doesn't feel guilty cause Leitner did keep trying to hurry him and now everyone thinks it was him. Even martin thinks he did it? Wich like I kinda want to hear more of his thoughts on that? How much does he believe that jon did it? Tim certainly seems pretty certain but he's a bit biased and cynical right now so.

And they were in the maze for DAYS?

Now I need martin recovering from being stuck with Tim in Michaels maze for days being angry and worried and hungry etc... Dksjdksa knowing jon could be dying RIGHT NOW and there's nothing he can do. Please someone give me the fic links if this exists!! I've already written like 5 drabbles based entirely on spoilers/other fics (which I'll probably post (w/ links to their inspirations) once I'm caught up and can make sure I'm not just completely demolishing cannon lol.

Leitner didn't even scream or yell or anything when he was murdered. Literally the chillest dude ever. F

Overall super great, Elias is terrifying, let's dive into the next season!!! I've got 2 seasons to finish in like, less than 2 or so weeks(?) if I wana be caught up by season 5 hhhh,,,

Better get started I guess.

#tma #tma lb #tma liveblog #liveblogging #tma season 2 #season 2 #season 2 q&a #season 2 finale #the magnus archives

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jlf23tumble · 5 years

Note

Agree so much with your post about the teams and fan engagement ! And love the way you articulated all of that. Although now I definitely am interested in knowing what your notes about the specificity of each team/artist cause I feel like they'd be fascinating to read. Hope you'll post them some day, and thank you for sharing your thoughts with us ! 😊

Awwww, that’s very kind! It’s definitely head canon city, I litcherally have ZERO clue what goes on behind the scenes (and I can’t stress this enough, none of us do), so this’ll look hilariously dated when we find out that blah woof was true all along, lmao (me @ myself, thinking of some random Grimshaw interviews from last fall, oh, bless). Let’s dig in!!

For those of you who just stumbled upon this post, it’s related to the one I made last night about how I think the management teams of all these men (mid-20s means = you’re a man, not a boy) are not, in fact, sabotaging them. They negotiate a lot of tricky interconnected arrangements that none of us are privy, to, plus they’re at least trying to achieve the goals their clients are going for. And they’re doing it—the trick is these goals are highly individual and not 100% sensical (at least given our own view from the afternoon, Arctic Monkeys ref, holllllllah!!!).

In addition, these goals constantly shift, as does the music industry itself—I drive my own self loony when I lurk on blogs that are seemingly broadcasting from 2012, confused by why xx’s team is so “terrible” because they aren’t throwing good money after bad to get on a radio playlist, or why they haven’t announced yy “properly,” as if they’re being paid to worry about this level of shit (which fires me up on about five levels, deep breaths in, deep breaths out). I’m much nosier about the signals we’re getting when we hear them talk in their beautifully media-trained way about their musical interests, when we get some of that sweet, sweet fan service with a Gallagher or a Capaldi, when we get that heads up about who’s attending what concert, stuff like that. These signals don’t necessarily indicate future collaborations, but they DO indicate what kind of image these guys want to have, the kind of music they want the public to associate them with.

Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself…their personalities and goals at the moment are all so vastly different, and I truly do love seeing how their teams are workin’ it accordingly. Again, please @ god, don’t @ me…opinions, massively unpopular opinions, dead ahead!

* Zayn. My read on Zayn is that he enjoys the creative process, loves writing and singing, digs collabing with people, but he doesn’t seem to give two shits about the biz side (and why should he? that’s called living the dream at this particular point in his career). His website recently added “tour,” which EYEBALL EYEBALL, but he doesn’t seem to be all that interested in putting himself back out on stage or into radio/print/etc. anytime soon, and again, why should he? His numbers are HUGE without pushing himself through the anxiety-provoking churn he endured for four years, so there’s no real drive for him to do any promo if he doesn’t want to (see: the netflix-like binge dump of Icarus Falls, which could be “sabotage,” or it could just be, “fineeeeeeee, here’s some stuff for you, enjoy”). What other artist gifts his fans with gorgeous covers of such a wide variety of songs that indicate he’s more interested in sharing them than selling them. Accordingly, his fan interactions seem fairly pure and not all that promo-y: he has a keen interest in fanart, he’s done some fan pop-ups/listening parties that are pretty low-key and *seemingly* fan-focused, and recently (with zero anything to really promote), he’s been posing for cute pics and chatting with randos on the streets of NYC. I recently read that his mgmt team is no longer with him, but that sort of folds into my feeling that he’s not pursuing anything biz-wise, hence no need to jump through those particular hoops (I think he’s also struggled with a lot of demons, so yeah, why add one more). Could he be adrift? Maybe, but the next guy is the posterman for lack of focus….

* Liam. Honestly, I worry about Liam most of all. His post-1D career seems very much adrift, and I like to joke that he’s giving me that tell-all about the D one sentence at a time, but goddamn, are people listening? The struggles with alcohol, the lack of focus on every level, the reliance on his dad’s career advice (which more clearly reflects his dad’s financial class, background, and history than it does Liam’s), and the overall confusion about look, sound, and direction also flow back directly into his team. I get the feeling that they aren’t sure what to do because LIAM isn’t sure what to do or what he wants, so they follow in his wake. He’s agreeable to a fault, so seeing him at a meet-and-greet at an HMV in Birmingham last week felt like a step back into 2010 for no real reason, just like hearing that he was more or less coerced into full nude photoshoots for an underwear ad (the decisions to say yes to both of those—who’s steering this ship? If it’s Liam, he needs to tell the team his overall goal, so they can plot a course he and his fans can follow; if it’s the team, ditto). Like Niall, Liam’s actually pretty good at the SM game: lots of selfies, snapchat filters, outfits, gym service, twitter interactions. But generally speaking, his promo is confusing, and that’s probably because there isn’t much *to* promote at this point, other than a mix of collabs, clothing endorsements, spon con, horse farms, and an album that’s always on the horizon. This might be tied to the general post-1D jolt they all went through, like a plane coming off autopilot and into the hands of someone who’s just learning how to fly it. Zayn debuted at number one, so his bump wasn’t as harsh, but the others are slowly, steadily finding their footing after taking some time to find themselves and their sound, releasing songs/albums, performing (or in Louis’s case, going through unspeakable tragedy). Liam’s still adrift…and somewhat admittedly, which is kind of telling in its own way. Just know that my nervousness on his behalf ratchets up every time he feels the urge to assure us all that he’s happy.

* Niall. Truly the one following the original 1D template, right down to working with most of the same people but with more of the overall control in his hands instead of a faceless management squad. Of any of them, he seems the most ambitious, the most scientific about the sound he’s after and how he’s gonna get there. His promo is a mix of new and traditional—radio shows, talk shows, podcasts, special events, twitter interactions with fans, twitter interactions with entertaining celebrities—and it’s all hustle hustle hustle, build build build, as if he were a new ingenue instead of coming up hard on solo album number two. He’s explicit in his goals, which is refreshing, but it means he walks a weird line with fans: on one hand, he’s done with their bullshit, get ready to get rekt if you start commenting on his boring food seasoning or home décor. But on the other hand, he fully recognizes how much he needs them, which is why we get so many peeks into his “normal” life (yet zero percent of his actual personal life). It’s also probably why the blatant tweets of the last two days seem so jarring to me (I might be alone on this one, but I’m not a fan of directives in general, and asking me to call radio stations on behalf of a rich white man to become even richer just rubs me the wrong way, same with asking me to stream stuff to get you to number one…you’ve been there, buddy, how about you calm down and build some character at number 51). And speaking of calming down, it does fascinate me that both Niall and Louis namecheck Taylor Swift as someone who gets the whole fandom push/pull thing right, so watching them try to reverse-engineer her secrets is fun. Louis nails it (that hotspot treasure hunt: chef’s kiss), but Niall’s heavy-handed easter egg dump in NTMY, she would never!! I think Niall’s team needs to watch “Calm Down” about five more times before they try that again.

* Louis. I think Louis honestly has an AMAZING team in place, and they’re all clearly on his side, which makes for a refreshing change. Like Niall, he has publicly praised Taylor Swift for how she engages with her fans, but I think he’s missing a key point: she doesn’t let her fans dictate strategy, and I HOPE that’s the case for Louis, too. His old team *was* shit, so yeah, encouraging people to do fan projects to get the word out was a good idea, but turning that spigot off to let a good (paid) team step in and take over has been, uh, challenging. He’s dealt with more than his fair share of personal tragedy, but every time he gets some momentum going, it feels like something bts pushes him back off track, and he tends to keep it private, which only makes his hardest-core fans scream “sabotage.” Rightly so, he’s focusing on his personal life, and rightly so, his team is giving him the space to do that, even when it costs cash money and throws a lot of shit seriously for a loop. It makes my heart soar to see the potential of what his team can do/is doing, how much space he’s being allowed to process what he needs to process. Weirdly, that’s an unpopular opinion, and a lot of people want to indulge in an angst wank fest where Louis’s the victim of a terrible team that won’t DO anything (nevermind the fact that he’s probably ASKED them not to do anything), so they undertake a tremendous amount of performative unpaid labor that ends up being counterproductive on just about every front. Even worse, most of them can’t seem to process the fact that losing your mum is a blow, losing your SISTER is a blow, juggling other siblings or close friends handling some serious demons of their own in the aftermath of all of *that* is a blow, let alone handling your own personal coping mechanisms, nope, they want Louis to release release release, perform perform perform, c’mon, what’s holding him back, he *said* he wanted to release an album this year, there’s “no reason” for a delay, gotta be his shitty team, free him. It drives me ‘round the bend because it’s the same talk from late last year, you know, when we later found out that at least one family member was losing a fight with drug addiction. Louis’s fan engagement/promo is therefore hella fraught: he has to balance LouisTM on twitter (Mr. Donny, he’s hard, mate), his werk IG posts, and his constant edging because nobody can remember or trust that he’s got this, that multiple things are in play. But he also knows his fanbase, knows that it’s resistant to any kind of change, so I hope he pushes through and stays true to what he wants to do. I was really encouraged with his last promo round because he seems to have narrowed in on a something solid, he’s got a plan, and it’s not, “hey mr dj, put my record on,” it’s getting his fans to trust that he and his team know what the fuck they’re doing, and spoiler alert, it ain’t radio, but go ahead and keep pissing off djs by sending angry tweets their way. (Related: why is it so bad to avoid the radio when all of us admit that radio music is garbage? Is it because it’s more about you than him? Much to think about.)

* Harry. My very favorite head canon is that Harry is Jeff’s nightmare client: what was perfection at first because the Azoffs are old-school promo all the way (no SM, baby, gimme that sweet, sweet paper), and that dovetailed nicely with post-1D Harry, but it quickly veered into mulish teeth pulling. Low profile can quickly spin into no profile, and that really doesn’t work too well when you’re trying to sell sell sell, even if your brand is Harry StylesTM. HS1 and Dunkirk in their own separate ways worked VERY hard to push past the still-persistent way the general public views Harry as boybander Harry Styles, or more accurately, former boybander Harry Styles who dated Taylor Swift (if you venture out and ask someone who’s not a fan), but what I love about Harry is that much like Zayn, he doesn’t seem to be too bothered by all that. Sure, he’s ambitious, he wants to challenge himself and do things, but he’s no Niall Horan. He’s put in his time! If he gets a number one, then cool, but he’s not gonna chase it. And this is where Harry’s team really reflects his goals and energy: sure, they want him to do some promo (that “Do” tweet, the entire bit about the fan in Australia and Harry Lambert’s follow, goddddd, I loved it, petty Harry, resigned Jeff), but they clearly aren’t forcing him. He drops a song that makes a HUGE splash, and the follow-up is…liking some tweets and going to a John Mayer concert (not a John Mayer fan, so that wouldn’t be my first choice, but I respond to the zero fucks given about the whole thing). The music industry has changed a LOT in just two years, so it’s kind of cool to see team Harry pivoting a bit, seeing more SM interaction, the kindness generator, etc., but that said, the team takes their cues from him, and he clearly doesn’t want to do a whole promo circuit beyond persons a, b, and c, and magazine R, F, and A. Does it make sense to have Rob Sheffield write a profile about Stevie Nicks-blessed shroom-eater Harry Styles when his new song sounds like the Zarry combo of my dreams? NOPE, but that’s okay, Harry wanted to talk to Rob, so that’s what happened. The new song is more streaming friendly, and thank CHRIST, a lot less crusty white dude stuck in the ‘70s, so I can only hope that the rest of the album is thus, but we shall see! We’ll also see if Harry’s fan engagement shifts any further into the active zone…so far, it’s been “I’m gonna follow some larries, like these fun generator posts, check out a few dads” and staged photo ops with the same familiar faces, but I think he’s dealing with his own major bts issues as well (album delayed at least twice; that entire stalking situation). I still contend the album’s coming in the next few weeks, so it’ll be interesting to see if/how any additional promo rolls out in this new world order post-gryles landscape, how many interviews he’ll do, but I like that there’s a strategy that seems less stodgy…kudos to the new SM team, at least!!

Oh man, that got really long! Hope you enjoyed, and YES, opinions opinions opinions, and they’ll be stupid in about three weeks’ time, thanks for coming to my already dated buzzfeed article

#so many long-winded opinions #one direction #yeah #and shout out to kim for always checking my work!!!

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commander-rahrah · 5 years

Text

RESIDENCY (AN OPEN HEART FIC): PART SEVENTEEN

Pairing: MC (Jordynne Holland) X Ethan Ramsey X Bryce Lahela; MC X Bryce; MC X Ethan

Masterlist: Click Here

Chapter Rating: T (Swearing)

Word Count: 3600+

Description: Ethan comes back to Boston after hearing about Jordynne’s suspension and upcoming hearing. Jordynne is upfront about her feelings to someone. Bryce finally says what he has been thinking for a while now.

Disclaimer: Characters, storyline, and parts of the dialogue are taken from Pixelberry’s Choices. They fully own the characters, dialogue, backgrounds, etc. MC Jordynne’s background is my own creation, based loosely off of MC in-game’s personality and provided with more details.

Author’s Note: Typing up 3600+ fanfiction on your iPhone is not very fun. If my phone calls Bryce “Bruce” one more time I may rage. I have had scenes from this chapter stuck in my head FOREVER. I’m so glad to finally post this chapter because it also means I am getting closer to the 30 diamond scene with Ethan!!!!!!!

Also, this fic is now at over 75K words total! Which is super crazy insane.

As always any and all likes, reblogs and comments are VERY appreciated. If you would like to tagged for future updates, please reply or send me a DM to be added to the tag list. <3

PS: Speaking of the tag list, can you tell me if your tag works?! :)I’ve been having so many issues with it, and it drives me crazy. I have gone through it and edited -- realizing there was some ppl I never added (facepalm), new handles, etc. If you ever want to be removed please just let me know!

Taglist: @drakewalkerfantasy @owleyes374 @lahelable @mayar-mahdy @paisleylovergirl @nicquix @emilymay100 @octobereighth @llamasgrl @timmagicktoad @lilyofchoices @msjpuddleduck @mfackenthal @paulfwesley @ccolz88-blog @jooous @themingdynasty @perriewinklenerdie@mindlessdreaminxo @jens-diamondchoices @omgjasminesimone @indiacater @chasingrobbie @writingsbymissy @binny1985

Previous Updates: Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part ElevenPart Twelve Part Thirteen Part Fourteen Part Fifteen Part Sixteen

Song Inspiration: Ghostin’ - Ariana Grande

I know you hear me when I cry I try to hold it in the night While you're sleepin' next to me But it's your arms that I need this time

Look at the cards that we've been dealt If you were anybody else Probably wouldn't last a day Every tear's a rain parade from hell

Baby, you do it so well

You been so understanding, you been so good And I'm puttin' you through more than one ever should And I'm hating myself 'cause you don't want to Admit that it hurts you

I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again Over him, mmh I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again 'Stead of ghostin' him

Previous Chapter: Part Sixteen

It was weird coming back to Edenbrook.

It looked different somehow.

Did it though? Maybe Ethan’s mind was just playing tricks on him. Guilting him for walking away from the place he had called his home for ten years.

It was still early — and especially after a night of triage — there wasn’t a lot of staff yet. The soft light of the sun rising was cast into the atrium, turning the white walls and floors orange.

Ethan ducked into the elevator quickly — avoiding any lingering stares or confused faces. He wasn’t sure if anyone would recognize him without his white coat and quaffed hair. Not many people had seen Dr. Ramsey is wrinkled trousers and threadbare sweaters. But this was an emergency.

He walked the familiar path to the chief’s office — hesitating at the door before finally pushing himself to knock.

He heard the familiar clicks of Harper’s heels before she opened the door. Her expression was stunned — blinking at the sight of him. Then it turned — her eyebrows furrowing and arms crossing over her chest. She spun on her heel — going back into the room, and leaned against the edge of her desk.

“So it just took dropping her name to get you back here, hey?” Her mouth was gritted into a hard line.

Ethan swallowed, shoving his hands into his pockets, “What?”

“Holland. You quit, leave us high and dry, dodge my calls, tell me to fuck off —,” Harper’s nostrils flared, “But one message about Dr. Holland being suspended and here you are.”

Ethan wasn’t sure what to say.

She sighed at his silence, “Well, it’s too late — she’s suspended and the preliminary ethics hearing is in a few hours. You can’t vouch for her anymore.”

“She’s a good doctor, Harper. You know that.” He stepped forward — his blue eyes big, pleading.

“She is. And it’s a shame that she probably won’t be a doctor anymore after this.”

His stomach tightened as she said that. He couldn’t imagine her not being a doctor — everything she had worked so hard for. It just couldn’t happen. He opened his mouth to speak, but she caught him off.

“You can’t do anything, Ethan. You don’t work here anymore — you don’t have a spot on the panel.” She shook her head, her silver hoops dangling off of her ears, “And there is no chance you’re testifying.”

He took his hands out of his pockets, putting them out to her, “If anybody in this place knows her character it’s me.”

“Exactly. You’re too close to this, Ethan...,” Her brown eyes betrayed her for a moment, “I know you have feelings for her.”

“I—“ Ethan blinked, his mind whirling. He did — he knew, Jordynne knew that. And apparently, Harper did too. How did she know?

She noticed the quizzical look on his face and furrow in his brow. “I’ve seen the way you look at her — I can recognize it anywhere. You used to look at me like that. Once upon a time.”

The pair stood in silence — remembering the time that they were together. Before their schedules and administration got in the way. Before bitterness and tension settled in. Before everything had changed.

“I don’t even know if something’s happened between you two — and I don’t want to. But if the council gets a whiff of it, Ethan — it’s over. She needs a fair, clean trial. And having the Attending she may or may not be romantically involved with testify for her will not help.” Harper stepped forward, grabbing onto the crook of his elbow, “I’m not just saying this as administration Ethan, I’m saying this as your friend. The best thing you can do for her, for both of you, is to stay out of this.”

He chewed on his lip — doing his best to keep his emotions at bay. He wanted to hold on — to fight. His heart wanted to so desperately. But his mind — it knew better. She didn’t need someone like him. A failure. The heartless robot.

“I won’t interfere,” Ethan finally croaked, looking down at his feet.

“Good.” She finally let go of his arm, pushing her hands back onto the desk. “So are you going to tell me why you quit?”

He closed his eyes — his throat closing up. What was he going to tell her? That he had secretly been treating a patient in the newly constructed wing behind her back? Oh, and that patient was Naveen — both of their long-time friend and mentor. And he had handed him his death sentence last week. “I can’t.”

“No, Ethan. You just won’t.” Harper let out an exasperated sigh, before moving around to the other side of her desk. “I have a hearing to prepare for, so if you could see yourself out.” She started shuffling through papers — not looking at him.

He stood there for a moment — and nothing came to mind. Pursing his lips, He turned on his heel and left her office — closing the door quietly behind him.

_______________________________________________________________________

Jordynne sat on the edge of her bed — the mattress sinking softly, the soft white duvet wrinkling. She let out a loud exhale — her face buried into her hands, arms propped up against her knees. She was still wearing her blouse and blazer — her attempt to look professional for her preliminary hearing.

She wasn’t sure if it had worked. The formal hearing was still called. Chief Emery announced her official suspension until then. Jordynne had to turn in her badge and watch as Zaid and Ines reassigned her cases to the other interns.

She needed to be confident — she knew that. Everything was on the line. But it’s what she had needed to do. Walking around the hospital, hiding what she had done was wrong. She had given Mrs. Martinez a chance — hope. And even though it hadn’t worked out the way they had wanted it, Jordynne knew that Teresa would not want her to regret it.

But she still couldn’t fight the aching inside her.

Falling back onto the mattress, her blonde hair fanned out behind her. She needed to focus on the hearing — this was her career, everything she had been working for. But she couldn’t help the gnawing in the back of her mind, the pain that felt like a knife slowly twisting in her stomach.

She didn’t want to leave Edenbrook. She definitely did not want to leave Boston. There were so many unanswered questions, so much more left to learn and explore and see. And the people.

Jordynne gulped guiltily. The people — that’s why she didn’t want to leave. Was it people? A certain person? Her mind was reeling.

A soft knock at her open bedroom door caused her to blink back to reality. Her eyebrows furrowed — she was home alone, all of her roommates where working shifts at the hospital. And Landry hadn’t been to the apartment in days. Thankfully.

The tiny form of Sienna poked her head around the door, her almond eyes soft. “Hey, how you holding up?”

Jordynne pushed herself up onto her elbows, looking at her roommate quizzically, “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

“Yeah, I just came home for my lunch instead today.” She shrugged, trying to look nonchalant.

“Sienna...”

Her friend chewed her lip, “I just wanted to make sure you were OK.”

“You don’t have to do that.” She played with her fingers, looking down at the worn floor of her bedroom.

“I know I don’t have to. But I wanted to.”

“Right,” Jordynne murmured. Another sigh escaped her lips as she fell back onto the mattress.

“Hey, everything will be okay. You’re gonna rock this trial.” Jordynne felt the mattress sink a little as her roommate sat on the edge of it.

“It’s not just the trial.” She croaked out, blinking away tears as she stared up at the ceiling.

Sienna’s eyebrows furrowed as she thought, “Is it Br—“

“It’s Ethan.” She blurted out, interrupting.

Sienna was quiet for a moment, her eyebrows furrowed even deeper. “Ramsey?”

“Yes.”

“Dr. Ramsey?” She questioned again.

She nodded.

“The Doctor Ethan Ramsey?” Her eyebrows raises high on her face, her neck strained as he looked at her friend.

“Sienna!” Jordynne reached behind her and grabbed onto a pillow. She hit her friend with it lightly.

“Sorry!” She put her hands up in defense, “It’s just just — Wow... Ethan Ramsey. And you mean... like...”

“Yeah.” Grabbing the pillow from the floor, Jordynne clutched it to her chest and she laid back down.

“Wow.” She repeated, “Did you...?”

“No! We — we’ve kissed.”

“When?!”

Jordynne’s green eyes focused on the ceiling again, her fingers nervously picking at the seams of the pillow, “Miami... At the conference. And again, the night we found out about Teresa. Right before he quit...”

Surprise washed over Sienna’s face, “Miami?! That was ages ago! You’re just telling me now?”

“I didn’t know what to make of it then.”

“And what do you make of it now?”

“I — I don’t know.” Jordynne let out a sigh, “But with everything going on right now with the trial, and suspension, and Landry... I have so many things going on right now, but the first thing I think about in the morning is him.”

Sienna settled into the bed a little deeper, crossing her legs and staring at her friend, “Does he know that?”

“We —,” She hesitated, “We’ve never really gotten the chance honestly.”

Sienna bit her lip, looking worried, “Does Bryce know?”

Jordynne nodded, “Mhmm.”

“And how did he take it?”

“Oh you know, like an absolute angel.” Tears welled up in her eyes, “Haven’t really decided anything — since we’re casual and uh, since Ethan and I are just — well, nothing really.”

“Wow,” Sienna repeated again.

“Yeah.”

“How good were those kisses?” A huge grin spread across her face, and she poked at her friend's side.

“Sienna!”

“What? I mean, it’s Dr. Dreamy Douche — only like half of Edenbrook staff have imagined kissing him.” She purses her lips, attempting to hide a blush, “Maybe including me.”

“Kissing him...,” Jordynne paused, thinking. “It felt right. And that probably sounds awful with hiding it, and Bryce, and it being so ‘complicated’,” She air-quoted the final word, “But it did.”

“Have you heard from him since he quit?”

She clutched the pillow to her chest a little tighter, “No.” She whispered. “I don’t know if I’m more afraid of never seeing him again or seeing him again, you know?”

“Oh, Jordy,” Sienna leaned over and grabbed onto her hand, clutching her fingers. “He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

_______________________________________________________________________

Coffees in hand, Bryce showed up as soon as his shift ended that night. He was greeted with shouts telling him the door was open — maneuvering into the apartment he saw the roommates spread throughout the living and dining room — picking at boxes of pizza. The familiar blonde was nowhere to be seen.

Closing the front door with his hip, Bryce walked in with his eyebrows raised, “Where’s Jordynne?” He asked.

Jackie nodded towards her closed bedroom door, before taking a large bite of pizza.

“She okay?” His eyebrows furrowed, pausing outside of the door.

He watched Sienna’s face fall before she quickly corrected it. “Yeah — yeah, she said the preliminary hearing went alright.”

Bryce studied her face for a moment, before nodding, “That’s good. I’ll— I’ll be back.” Still holding the paper cup in his hand, he used the back of his knuckles to knock quietly on her door, “Jordy? It’s me.”

He heard a soft “come in” from the other side of the door, and he slipped inside. It wasn’t entirely dark in her room — there was a soft orange glow from the lamp on her bedside table, illuminating her figure as she laid in the bed.

Jordynne’s blonde hair was pulled up into a bun, her glasses sitting crooked on her nose as she hugged a pillow. Most of her body was covered by her white duvet, but Bryce knew she had her threadbare Oregon State sweater on.

“Hey,” He whispered, shuffling into the room and next to the bed. He placed one of the cups down on the nightstand, “I brought you a coffee.”

The corners of her pink lips tugged up, “Only you would feed my addiction at 9 o’clock at night.”

“Hey, I know how to deal with gremlin Jordynne any time of day.” He took a swig of his own hot drink, before setting it down next to hers. He carefully sat down on the bed, sitting in the space between her stomach and legs as she laid on her side. “So how was the preliminary hearing?”

“It was alright. Declan was there.” She rolled her eyes, “But this is what I needed to do. Teresa would want this.”

Bryce nodded along with her, before giving her a sad smile. “So if it went well, why are you hiding away in here?”

“I’m not hiding in here.”

“There are three large pizzas outside that make me think differently. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you say no to extra cheesy, greasy pizza.” He smirked.

“I—“ Her green eyes flickered to the door, betraying her, “I’m just not in the mood for it.”

He placed his hand on her side, squeezing her waist, “Talk to me, Jordynne.”

“You don’t want to hear it.” The pillowcase rustled as she shook her head.

“If it’s making you upset, I do.” He squeezed her again, Maybe I can fix it.”

“You can’t fix this, Bryce.”

He shrugged, “Try me.”

“It’s Ethan, ok?” She said quietly.

“Okay.” He chewed his lip, thinking for a moment, “You know, you don’t have to keep hiding this from me.”

“It’s just not fair to you. I don’t—“

But he caught her off, “Jordynne, I know exactly what I signed up for.”

She let out an exasperated sigh, “But I’ve made everything messy. And confusing. This isn’t what you wanted, I’m sure.”

“All I want is for you to not feel like this.” He moved his head until they were both looking at each other. His dark eyes studied her green ones, “So if that means Ethan... or me. Regardless of what happens, with the trial or with him I’m going to be here. Probably with coffee. Until you tell me not to be.” He slipped his hand into hers, squeezing it gently.

They stayed like that for a moment, before Jordynne sat up a little. Her face came towards his, and Bryce felt his breath hitch for a moment. Her pink lips grazed his cheek with a small kiss. “Thank you,” She whispered, a sad smile spreading across her face before she laid back down.

Bryce swallowed hard — burying the feelings that had flared up in him as she had neared his face. He had thought — well, it didn’t matter.

He left a couple hours later — after finally coaxing Jordynne out of her room with the coffee and pizza and friends. He had sat across the table from her — unable to tear his eyes away.

Now, he was strolling down a sidewalk in downtown Boston. Opting to walk home instead of taking the subway — the crisp night air was turning his cheeks red. But he had needed the time to think and unwind. It was late now and everything felt heavy — his steps, the long, slow blinks of his eyes, among other things.

All at once the inky black sky opened to let out a shower of rain. It came down slowly at first, before turning into the large droplets that splatted against the sidewalk and Bryce’s face. Scrambling at first Bryce started to pull up the hood of his jacket, before laughing at himself. He was already drenched, soaked from the cool rain.

As he rounded the familiar corner near the hospital, Bryce’s eyes squinted at the familiar neon glow of a pub near his apartment. He could hear the thudding music from inside the building, muffled through the windows but getting slightly louder as patrons went in and out. He had never been inside before — usually opting for the familiar bar near the hospital instead.

As he got closer to the establishment, Bryce’s footsteps started to falter a little in the rain — noticing a figure stumble out of the bar. Just like him, they got immediately drenched by the rain — though the man had no coat like Bryce. He watched as he tipped his head back, letting the cold rain hit him in the face before barking out a hard laugh. Then the man looked to the side, finally noticed he was being watched.

Bryce studied his dark features before recognition washed over him.

It was Ramsey.

Ethan must have realized who he was too, cause in that moment he turned on his heel and began striding away in the opposite direction.

Anger boiled in Bryce as his steps moved faster to match with his — attempting to catch up to him. Jordynne has been constantly worrying, waiting to hear from him — and now he was in the city and still hadn’t reached out to her?

“Hey!” Bryce called putting after him, almost in a jog at this point. “Hey!”

“What do you want, Lahela?” Ethan slurred, finally twisting around to face him.

“What I need,” Bryce took him by the shoulders and pulled him under a nearby awning away from the rain. His breath was a little ragged, and he took a moment to take a few deep breaths, “What I need is for you to figure out what the fuck you want.”

“Excuse me?” Ethan was looking anywhere but at Bryce. He reeked of booze — the scent lingering on him even though his sweater was soaked. And he looked like, well, shit. The surgical intern had never seen the ex-Attending look so disheveled.

“This.” Bryce jabbed a finger into his chest, “You. Whatever this is — it’s killing her.”

He studied his face when he said that — noticing the guilt that washed over Ethan’s face. He knew who he is was talking about.

“What you’re doing is killing, Jordynne. I’ve never seen her like this. And it’s because of you.” Shoving his hands back into his jacket pocket, Bryce backed away from him a little. “So decide man, do you want her? Or not? Because she does. She wants you.”

The pair were silent for a moment, tension still slowly pulling between them.

Finally, Ethan spoke again. “You just admit to losing Lahela? Your girl wants me over you?”

Bryce’s nostril flared for a moment, but he pushed the anger back down. “I could give a shit about losing to you. All I care about is her being happy. And for some god damn reason, you do that for her.

I could care less about being her second choice. I could be her hundredth choice, and I would still be ecstatic. Because everyday with her is like winning the god damn lottery. And if you don’t fucking realize that, then you need to let her go. Because it’s killing her. And I can’t watch it anymore.”

Ethan’s steely eyes were wide for a moment, and his Adam’s Apple dropped as he took a hard swallow. “How long have you been preparing that?”

“Since the moment I found out how she felt about you.” Bryce let out a long breath through his nose, “In my head, there was a pretty good right hook to your face too. But I figure I shouldn’t do that.”

“Thanks.” Ethan breathed out. Bryce watched him stumble a little towards the curb, before lowering himself onto it and sitting down. Ethan put his face into his hands.

Letting out a sigh, he sat down next to him — feeling his jeans get soaked from the water running off the sidewalk. “Why are you being like this?”

“Well, I would approximate that I’m at 0.15% Blood Alcohol Content right now. That probably has something to do with it.”

“That’s not what I—,” Bryce chewed on the inside of his cheek, “Then why are you drinking like this? To forget?”

“Maybe to remember,” Ethan said quietly.

The pair watched in silence as a car drove by on the other side of the road — hitting a puddle and sensing a large spray of water over the asphalt.

“I’m not what they think I am.”

Bryce’s eyebrows furrowed, “What?”

“Jordynne. Naveen. Harper. All of them. I’m not what they think I am.” Ethan waved his arm at himself, sitting on the curb, “This is the real Ethan Ramsey.”

“Jordynne doesn’t seem to think so.” He gulped.

“Well, she’s wrong.” Ramsey croaked.

“Maybe you should let her decide that.” Bryce put his hands on his knees and pushed himself off of the curb. “And stop ghosting her. Talk to her.”

“I—“

“No. This,” Bryce pointed to Ethan drunkenly sitting on the curb, “Is not helping anyone.”

Finally, he offered his hand out to Ethan. He hesitated, but then grabbed onto the surgical intern's tan hand and allowed him to help him up. “I still don’t like you though.”

“I know.”

“And you don’t like me.”

“Nope.”

“But I — we,” Bryce corrected himself, “We like Jordynne. So.”

“Yeah.”

Bryce didn’t say anything else. He noticed a cab turning the corner near them, and he flagged them down with a wave. “You too drunk to remember where you live?”

“Hyde Park?” Ethan asked through the open window of the cab. He got a nod from the driver, and he pulled the door open. Ethan paused with the door open, “I’d offer to share the cab, but I feel like if you spend any more time with me I risk getting that right hook to the face?”

“Yup,” Bryce said coolly.

Ethan barked out a laugh, before giving Bryce a final nod and slipped into the cab.

He watched the yellow cab pull away, and he finally realized how long he had been standing (and sitting) in the rain for. Pulling out his phone, he sighed when he noticed the time and pocketed it again.

What had he gotten himself into?

Part Eighteen

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